#yea i dissapeared yesterday sorry

[daily-gabriel]

Day 105:BEHOLD! My shittiest drawing at this time

[averywiseanimatedcat]

An angelic visit

Summary: Chloe goes to visit Amenadiel looking for clues on Lucifers whereabouts after he dissapeared 

Rating: K suitable for all audiences 

Length: 712 words 

Tags: @captainswanismyendgame @kirayukimuras @sisforsammi

Maze had tried to tell her going to see him wouldn’t help, that he had no more idea where Lucifer was than she did. But Chloe wanted to go anyway, maybe there was something Amenadiel would tell her that he wouldn’t tell Maze. Or she might be able to pry something out of him. They were brothers for gods sake, he must know something.

Chloe rode the elevator up to the 5th floor of a tall apartment block and soon found the number scribbled on a piece of paper with the address by Maze. She knocked on the wooden burgundy door and waited. After hearing some grumbling and heavy footsteps from inside, the door opened to a surprised looking Amenadiel

“Chloe? This is a surprise?”

He didn’t look as surprised as he said he was.

“Sorry for turning up unannounced, I was wondering if I could talk with you for a bit Amenadiel?”

“Uh yea, sure. Come in, sorry about the mess.”

There really wasn’t much in the apartment yet, she stepped over one box and saw a single suitcase in the corner. Maze said he had only just moved in yesterday, it was already furnished but he looked to have very little belongings. Strange…but she put that thought out of her mind and returned to the matter at hand. Amenadiel gestured for her to sit at the bar on the far end of the apartment after asking if she would like a drink.  She declined the drink but sat herself on an expensive looking red barstool. Amenadiel did the same before sighing deeply, clasping his hands together and asking

“So, I assume this is about Luci?”

“Yes…as you know he’s disappeared.”

“Maze told to me yesterday…I’ve not seen him if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“I figured as much, I just thought that perhaps, being his brother you might know something.”

Amendiel huffed out his nostrals in an amused fashion

“Luci doesn’t tell me much, if there was one person he would talk to, it would be Maze.”

Chloe narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, suspicious that there might be something he wasn’t telling her.

“So you have no idea why he’s gone? You’re his big brother, you must have some idea?”

“You’ve got about as much idea as I do, Luci isn’t exactly a….predictable… person.”

“I’m quite aware of that, It’s not like he hasn’t done weird things before, but leaving Lux? That seems out of character even for him.”

“I agree.”

Ameandiel said flatly. Again, Chloe felt the distinct feeling he was hiding something from her. Her years of being a detective had given her a keen sense for lies hiding beneath dismissal. She tried a different approach

“So you’re not concerned about him?”

“Oh I am, but Lucifer’s a big boy, he can look after himself.”

Chloe was silent for a moment before asking 

“Lucifer told Dan he didn’t want to know how he was getting the antidote, perhaps that’s relevant?”

A shadow crossed Amenadiels face but he remained unmoved 

“I don’t know, like I said, he doesn’t talk to me.”

Chloe recognized the expression on Amenadiels face as the same one Lucifer gives her when he doesn’t want to elaborate on something . Aggravated, Chloe huffed

“Ugh whatever, clearly all of you seem determined to hide whatever dirty little secrets you have from me.”

Chloe got off her stool and bid goodbye to Amenadiel. He didn’t follow her to the door but as she opened it he called out to her

“Chloe…one more thing.”

Chloe stopped in the doorway and turned around to see Amenadeil striding towards her. He had a stern look on his face as he told her

“If, or when Lucifer does come back, don’t take anything he does personally. He would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”

There was an ominous tone in his voice that only confirmed Chloes suspicion that he was withholding important information on Lucifers reasons for leaving. Noticing Chloe eyeing him,  he softened and offered

“Luci doesn’t care for many people, but he cares for you. Allot. More than I’ve seen him care about anybody else. And maybe that’s why he left.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

Amenadiel  just smiled sadly, the same sympathetic  way Lucifer did when Chloe didn’t understand his cryptic statements 

“It makes sense to him.”  

His tone was gentle, offering comfort. But Chloe didn’t really want to take it, he was hiding things, and that irked her. There was no use prying any further. She simply nodded, noting the concern in his eyes as she turned to leave.

[strawberryspeachy]

I can read through the convo I’ve had with that boy for the past month in the same amount of time it takes me to read through a day in the summer

He actually asked me questions and kept the conversation going and joked with me so reading through any given day can take upwards of 10 minutes. And most of those days we had half of the conversation via Snapchat that I can longer see

It takes about 7 minutes to read what is me just me talking and him either not responding or giving one word replies or reluctantly a few sentences after I’ve nagged at him about it :(

Yea yea. Take the hint. From November to now (March) exact same day too... he’s never wanted to talk to me

There’s literally been two instances that he talked to me normally and I melted for the rest of the day. Not long either. Just him texting me first to just tell me something. So short that I’d even wondered those times if he accidentally texted me instead of someone else.

I’ve asked every question except for “do you actually want to talk to me” because as he said yesterday. The answers no. I knew it was no. That’s why I’ve stressed over everything else. Because I knew this whole time he hasnt wanted to talk to me. And I’ve asked every question

Why are you ignoring me

Why are you talking to that girl

Why don’t you treat me like you treat them

Why didn’t you look at my picture

Did you like my picture

Do you still think I’m pretty

Am I annoying you

Who are you texting

What are you doing

Any question around the focus. Do you WANT to talk to me.

No.

He doesn’t care about me at all.

I hate that he has options.

It sucks. Because if he didn’t have options. I know he’d like me. He did before. He got bored and there’s always someone else willing to be there for him so he can drop any of those feelings and leave

Me though. I don’t have options. No one I ever legitimately like reciprocates those feelings.

Years go by intbetween the times someone I truely want to be with comes along and shows interest.

If I had options and he wanted me I’d choose him and that’s what sucks. Because he won’t choose me and I don’t have other options.

It’s not like I haven’t been open to guys advances. But no one ever does. I’ve become interested in boys I didn’t find physically attractive but who were nice to me and acted interested. And then they were even meaner to me.

I’m fucked up. I’m miserable. I’m a shitty person when I’m upset. But I always meet these guys when I’m feeling ok. I don’t show that side. I do everything right.

There’s a legitimate attraction. We talk about our lives and interest. We joke and laugh together. We show interest in each other. I don’t flake on people even when I really want to but everyone I’ve ever met had cancelled on me at the last second. And with these dudes that do that (with the exception of the college dude) I’ve always been a normal understanding person who goes - that’s ok! You do what you gotta do we can reschedule if you want!

I don’t understand. I genuinely don’t understand. I’m not trying to make myself look good by any account when I say I literally have no clue what’s goes wrong every time.

NO ONE. WILL. TELL. ME.

It’s been happening my whole life and I started getting mad about it come college. I started demanding to know. Ive started acting like the crazy person when it happens. And. It doesn’t lead to answers

To be fair I started off just nicefully asking. All that got me was ‘what are you talking about? I didn’t stop talking to you! We’re talking right now’

When when I started pointing out that we are because I tracked them down I get ‘I’m sorry! I’ve been really busy!! I didn’t even realize’

Pointing out what it is they’ve been doing that show they no longer want to talk lead to people reacting the same way as if I went insane on them. I literally haven’t recieved a different response to me politely and thoughtfully going

‘hey. Idk if you’ve meant to do this. But it feels like you don’t want to talk to me anymore. You’re responses have been shorter and we don’t talk much anymore. You don’t seem to find my jokes funny anymore even thought they’re the same as before. And you haven’t reached out in a while - it’s just been me. Maybe you’re busy with (insert whatever thing I knew they were up to a month ago) and I’m sorry if I’m bothering you if that’s the case. But I was just wondering if I did something wrong’

That would lead to the same ‘OMG YOU EXPECT SO MUCH FROM ME!! I HAVE MY OWN LIFE AND DONT HAVE TIME TO PUT UP WITH YOUR BS!! I HAVENT BEEN IGNORING YOU IVE BEEN TIRED AND BUSY.’ —- followed by being personally attacked with whatever it is that person feels (whether it be projecting. Bringing up something small from months before they stopped talking to me. Or whatever nerve I touched during my message or speech)

I’ve literally gotten the same response from doing that as I’ve gotten to say.... going to their house and confronting them at an inconvienient time.

Both generally followed by ‘you always play the victim’ or ‘ you do stuff like this so that’s why’

These same speaches come from people I’ve known as little at a week to people I’ve know for 10 years.

It sounds as thought I’m hiding something. I just act like this psycho person all the time probably right. It’s not like I can prove that’s not the truth..... it sucks.

I hold so much hate still toward my freshman year roommate because she reacted to me this way and I know for a fact I never did anything wrong to that girl. I consciously every second of the day made sure to be nice and considerate and positive. And when she left and told the world that I was the devil. The only things she said that actually happened were

1) I raised my voice. I did whine loudly that one time at the like 3rd time her and her bf tried to have sex in the bunk bed above me I let out a loud whine and in the same pitch said “please stop I’m trying to sleep”

2) I had a dusty fan. You’re right. I should have cleaned it. It only blew on me but that’s my b. It didn’t occur to me that it was a problem but I would have cleaned it if she ever told me it bothered her

3) one night I got irritated and yelled at my printer and hit it. Yes. I did that. It was quite late but she was over on her computer and all the lights were one. I got stressed out that my printer stopped working and in a louder tone went something to the effect of “what the fuck you stupid thing!!” My friends earrring had dissapeared inside of it a few days prior. We looked for it but the printer ate and hid it somehow. I hit the printer in frustration. And then it began to work and in a happy voice I went “oh cool that worked” according to her that incident made my fucking psycho.

4) not in her list of complaints to everyone as to why I was the absolute worst were. One time I walked in and didn’t see her sleeping. So I turned on the light as I talked to my friend. I felt really bad when she sat up very disoriented and apologized and turned the light back off and left. Another time I walked in while her and her bf were in the middle of fucking and backed back out of the room.

One time when I was going to a party my friend said I should have my roommate do my makeup - while she was sitting there. I was already getting vibes the girl didn’t like me and so I didn’t try to talk to her unless she talked to me - keep it polite... I... didn’t actually admit to myself that she didn’t like me but I did try to give her as much space as you can in a dorm. She’d go to the library all day to be away from me so when she’d come back to go to sleep I’d go to the common room till I was ready to sleep. Stuff like that. But my friend saying that right in front of her I went with it and excitedly went - you’re right she does do great makeup and asked her if she’d like to do my makeup for me. She said ok. And when the day came I texted her and asked her if she still was ok with doing my makeup. She said she was busy studying and went that’s ok! I didn’t tell my friend that I thought she didn’t like me or anything. I just stayed surface level and said she’s busy studying! That’s ok! I don’t think my face is a good canvas for her preferred makeup.

I have literally never tried harder in my life to be good to someone. And that girl fucking despised me. She didn’t just dislike me but she wanted EVERYONE to hate me. And she went out of her way to make that happen.

And that’s what’s devastating about it. Not that she was a great person. She wasn’t. She said things that disturbed me all the fucking time and I would be positive and compliment her on something that’s going well for her or that’s she’s doing good now. I successfully for the first time since elementary school stayed positive with someone who tried so hard to make me say something mean. And instead of anything good was punished for it.

And she did what she sought out to do. My friends stayed on my side and told me how they didn’t understand why she disliked me so much. But I could always see them wondering - it’s it true? She’s actually insane to be with too long isn’t she? So many things for the next few months that they didn’t just tell me she was doing. They waited to see if I brought it up myself. Like I told my one friend days later that I asked someone on my floor if they knew why she had moved out. If she said anything specific about what I’d done. And he told me he didn’t even know she left. That’s when my friend spoke up and said - no she tagged him on fb and said thanks for helping her move out. No one told me toll the next year that she had added the boy I liked on fb. Not till once again I said I was talking to him and it was good at first but then he suddenly pulled away and idk why. Then suddenly - oh yeah! She added him on fb btw - they’re friends.

[rainighties]

Counting on Our Moments

It was November 10th, 2016 I wrote about Grey here. It was 4 months and 10 days ago, we talked about our first impression while seeing each other after the 10 years of waiting. It was 3 months and 13 days ago, Grey wished me to get well as soon as it must be. It was 3 months and 7 days ago, we went to cinema and watched StarWars with our fellow at work. And yea, I fell aslep and his gentle hand held my head. It was 3 months and 15 days ago, Grey texted me to say Merry Christmas. The unforgettable Christmas ever. I must say. It was 2 months and 5 days ago, Grey asked my condition and where I was. I don't answer, I dissapear. I was trying to rebuild my borders. It was 1 month and 5 days ago, Grey wished me a happy birthday and show up his jealousy because my boy-friend just gave me a bunch of flower on Valentine Day. It was 10 days ago, we sang our song. Heathens by Twenty One Pilots. We even sang I don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith and Kisah Romantis by Glenn Fredly, an Indonesian Pop Singer. It was yesterday, Grey took care of me (again) and worrying me too much because I decided to sleep at work. I was extremely sick and couldn't have ability to control myself. Grey fell a slept beside me, on the same bed. Held my hand, and be my side in every second while I was in an emergency room. and it is today. Grey's brother-born-day. Happy Birthday! Sorry for making you upset by took Grey beside me. Enjoy the cake, enjoy your day.