#yayyyy I’m reading again yayyy
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read the objectum yugo limbo comic and it ruled btw <33
#yayyyy I’m reading again yayyy#it’s mostly comics my sister bought and thought I would like but it’s still nice to read again#she was right I do like them JAJAJAJA#she’s like oh hey this thing is trans do I want to read it#and my answer will always be yes <33#also read the chromatic fantasy and that was pretty sick!#visually stunning <3 some of the jokes were very hit or miss for me but maybe cause it brought back too much old tumblR flashbacks#but when it hit… it hit <33 also I love t4t shit so yayyy#the world is healing yay yay yay#the only gripe I had with viscera objectica is that I wish it was longer <333#but it was a nice read I would want a copy of my own for my bookshelf#also I would read a whole book with the short one page stories about different peoples objectum crushes/situations#it was so interesting and cool to me <33
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I missed the game last time because I was sleepy but today it’s a more normal time-21:00 yayyyy- and I already have my roast chicken and veggies in the oven and I have my soup so let me tell you I’m ready to tackle the rest of this chapter.
Just how lonely does jack feel in the grid? Like from his pov he holds everyone at arms length but no one feels like they are trying to be friendly and sure idc about this whole drivers are besties and sunshine and rainbows but does he feel like he is missing something when he sees everyone talking and he is just standing there?, I do want to hear jack’s opinion about all the drivers pls give me, jack hun I don’t think nico is as mysterious as you try and make him be, also carlos clocked their asses or at least he will in the next few races, “Then he asked me if I knew which hotel Red Bull was staying in,” I smacked my fucking forehead those two are EMBARRASSING, actually carlos jack only knows where nico’s room at dont get it twisted, oh jack setting at the shower floor a depression shower if you will; those showers always leave you so empty afterwards and it makes everything hurts even more.
Luke calling quinn to tell him they had a fight and jack extending his anger to quinn because he may have not been there but he is still involved in the whole situation, jack wearing bracelets to cover the bruises nico left those two really don’t think before they do something huh? And it always jack dealing with the hickies or bruises, nothing makes me more stressed than rain-spa 21 has traumatised me-, ok I will be honest but I know I could never be a driver because I will genuinely have a panic attack when they put everything and sit in the car it feels too cramped, jack needs to be more gentle with himself because believe it or not fucking things with people takes two people more than it doesn’t; and it was basically a boiling pot that has finally spilled, YAYYY FRONT ROW LOCK OUT this Would be carlos 2 pole carlos second pole damn get it boy-already more than your real life had this season-, jack omg ask him what he saw EYE want to know, NICO WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU carlos can fucking feel what you are doing!!!!! Like really please think squeezing jack’s wrist when both of their hands are on carlos’s waist INSANE BEHAVIOUR.
nico hischier if you WHISPER in your TITLE RIVAL’S ear ONE MORE TIME i swear to GOD SEE ME AND LEX GET IT, when Nico finds him. I said No out loud I do NOT trust those two, omg nico finding luke like that has 100% made luke hate nico more, when I opened the door and, well, wasn’t you.”
Wait I don’t speak English as a first language-as we have established from the mess of my comment and how they do not resemble anything coherent- but does that mean nico was in the room waiting for jack to come? Or did I misunderstand? But anyways it’s insane behaviour to even COME to his room, their dynamics are so interesting to me because THEY don’t even realise the dynamics they have; this scene have captured extremely the nico telling jack to stop ignoring luke jack agreeing and promising him that he will, “Good boy,” never mind nico fucking KNOWS their dynamics it’s only jack who refuses to acknowledge anything, is it normal that I CAN FEEL the tension from the screen?? Like putting the entire section here Nico hums again, a low, almost rumbling sound, the vibrations of it seeming to permeate the air between them when they’re so close. Jack holds the tip of his tongue between his teeth, biting hard. Nico’s fingers are warm when they come under Jack’s chin, tipping his head up, forcing Jack to look at him. Jack feels his eyes blow wide just on instinct, and he misses it immediately when Nico withdraws the touch. He almost wants to look down again, just to see if Nico would touch him like that again. This part specifically made hold my breath while reading you have once again killed it like genuinely I want this specific scene tattooed on my eyelids wo I can see it every time I blink and it still wouldn’t be enough to appreciate it, oh jack showing him his wrists and wishing he was mad because he likes it and hate that he does, nico NOTICING that jack was hiding his wrists oh my god I will be crying onto my pillow thank you, I love when brat jack comes out he is my catnip and no one can take him from me like let polite jack go I hate him but give me brat jack although I don’t want to deal with him because I will end up killing him so I will leave that part to nico to deal with, “I don’t think I will.” Yeah he fucking likes it.
Luke has finally saw jack but he might wishes they didn’t see each other, Jack says, even though he still kind of wishes Luke would apologize first. Jack I get you having to apologise first because even though you feel like you have done something wrong simply because you’re afraid that person wouldn’t do it first, ok I love luke but I HATE when someone wronged me I still swallowed it first but they couldn’t even look me in the eye to say sorry I broke up with a bf because of that, “I think I’m the only one who gets to decide how your actions make me feel.” I will put this on a huge sign and walk around until everyone understands it, luke immediately trying to get the story from him when their whole fight was because he jumps on everything jack does like the media like bravo luke you are getting moved to my never mention list-only trevor and nico remains on the good list, the rest are in the naughty list and luke is in the never mention until I decided they groveled enough-, omg luke wtf if you are so curious about what nico wants you go and ask him and leave jack alone??? Like genuinely why would you think jack would know what is going inside someone else’s mind??, “I didn’t tell him that,” HELOO what?? I NEED that conversation please give it to me like who is lying is it luke is it nico what was really said why did nico lie if luke really didn’t say that omg please tell meeee, omg those two really took it from zero to a hundred just like that but at least jack threw luke out before they really LOSE it, “Get out so I can change,” nice excuse jack.
HE IS A VERY GOOD DRIVER, AND I KNOW HE RACES EMOTIONALLY. Every time im like oh there is no way they would get worse in the media they prove me wrong immediately, omg who let nico talk to the press alone where is his press officer to smack him in the head??, ASTON MARTIN’S LEON DRAISAITL HAS EXPRESSED THAT HE’S ACHING TO BE BACK ON THE PODIUM THIS WEEK. I laughed the foreshadowing is so hilarious.
Ok I will be stopping here so I can answer you back and we will continue on another day where we will be back to 3am puck drop-pain-.
very lonely. maybe i need to do more with that... hm. he kind of doesn't believe in having friends on the grid, so he does hold a lot of the other drivers at arms length because he somehow views it as "protecting" himself. he definitely can talk to a lot of the others drivers, and i don't think he would be shunned or anything if he were to approach the others and try joining their conversation, but he doesn't do it enough to really know how. occasionally, he realizes how little he knows about most of the guys on the grid and it kind of kills him but he also doesn't really care. all he needs to be is civil with everyone, at least until they do something to wrong him. i probably will go into that some more at some point in the fic proper i will need to find the time and place... much to think about...
unfortunately carlos has a brain and jack and nico do not so they have landed themselves in a bit of a Situation. jack is right when he tries making himself feel better with "well the truth is so outlandish that nobody would ever come to that conclusion" but carlos for sure knows there's Something amiss. he hasn't reached the conclusion that they're like, making out, but he assumes that jack and nico are at minimum talking (wrong, no they are not), but maybe he's assuming it's on more of a racing level, or about the championship, or whatever. but he does think it's weird that jack is suddenly being friendly with a rival, so he's not even sure how to read into it, because that fact alone seems completely ridiculous
jack's #1 weakness is being gentle with himself. he like does not know how to do that. he has always been his own biggest critic. luke and nico running into each other in jack's driver's room was very much of a spur of the moment decision but it created a lot of fun nonsense so i'm glad it played out that way. nico is somehow more casual about it than luke is. and okay -- luke was in jack's driver's room waiting for jack, and nico came looking for jack, but jack wasn't there (because he's out wandering pretending nobody exists) so luke was confused when the door opened and the person at the door wasn't jack. i hope that makes sense? i was imagining it as luke has been in there for a while, because he's trying to catch jack before he disappears, and assumes that he'll have to come back to his driver's room at some point. and nico kind of has the same conclusion -- that jack would probably be in there -- so that's how they run into each other
but yeah it is pretty insane that nico just opens the door and lets himself in. like in my head he didn't even knock. so luke was like oh hey jack's back-- wait what the fuck why are you here? maybe that will be a scene i write from nico's perspective and put on tumblr actually... after the next chapter goes up though because spoilers. and thank youuu i'm glad you liked that scene it's one of my favorites! it was insane to write and looking at it after the fact also makes me feel mildly insane
and see luke's plan worked, jack did come back eventually. it just had a detour that luke did not account for. and jack really wants luke to apologize first, but he bites when he doesn't, then when luke finally does apologize, it's not even for what jack wants him to be sorry about. they are absolutely not yet on the same page, because luke does not understand, as jack keeps insisting. luke didn't apologize for what jack wants him to be sorry for because he still doesn't understand how what he said was so wrong. writing confusing people is soooo fun omg i did actually Originally intend for this apology scene to be The apology scene and the entire fight was going to be over but then it turned into This and the argument stayed unresolved so like! here we are! Somebody is lying to jack about what happened when nico and luke spoke, and luke somehow still isn't sorry about what he said to hurt jack (because he still doesn't understand), and it's actually arguably going worse than it was before, even though they both said sorry. funny how that works sometimes isn't it
don't worry the liar will be revealed in monaco. i've already written the scene
oh yeah and then i made nico say some absolutely bonkers shit. i mean, he's right, but did you really have to call the guy out like that man? evil. yeah obligatory leon draisaitl foreshadowing bc i already knew what was going to happen. oops!
#ask#seriously every time i open the inertia doc all those bitches grow a mind of their own#i am but a victim of their nonsense as well#even though i also have the secrets of everyone's motivations#i am having too much fun#being a writer is great
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been so busy i haven’t had a chance to sit down and write this but dybmn we are SOOO back. u know i was actually planning to hold off on reading it for a bit like i was gonna reread the rest of the parts and soak it all in and make it a whole thing and set time aside for it and everything cause that’s what i usually do but then when i saw that you posted it i rlly just couldn’t hold myself back LOLLL and i dove in immediately. it kind of didn’t hit me how much id missed dybmn couple until i started reading again LOL like i love their dynamic i love how they’re kind of like their own thing if that makes sense like i love all your works and i love the way you write them both in each one but like you can kinda tell dybmn is in its own universe if that makes sense like in all ur fics they have special little quirks in their dynamics that i think are lovely and it’s been a while since ive read dybmn and seeing them again i was like 🥹🥹 i missed yall LOLLL idk if that made any sense at all but anyway point being i missed them. also i love when you write in spencer’s pov so much. and this new plot was so unexpected but i adore it like i have no idea what the neighbor could have said/did to her and i like that cause it really does put u in spencer’s shoes instead of being sort of omnipresent like the author like whatttt i’m completely clueless too rn i wanna know what happened!!!! so excited for the next part also psa that nobody asked for but like i love how sweet he is to her too like even when it’s not sex i love soft dom spencer period like why is it getting so much hate recently like hello what is everyone’s damage (kidding joke don’t be mad i know everyone has their own preferences just saying though this is mine put the pitchforks down plz) anyway so cute as always also the part abt the fight seeming like months ago made me smile was that a play at how long it’s been irl that’s not shade at All btw it just made me giggle. ok the end yayyyy nereidprinc3ss i love u 🧸
Yesss yayyy that part was SUPPOSED to make u giggle hehehe I’m glad u caught that!!!!
I missed them too<3 I agree dybmn has a pretty distinct vibe from my other fanfiction which makes it rlly fun to write cause I can tap into something I can’t always w my one shots!!
I also love sweet Spencer all the time he’s sooooooooooo I jsut love him and I love YOU mwah!!!
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HELLO AGAIN<3
SOOOO, obviously, I’m bacc. And, aksjhdfasjhfb it feels amazing.
It’s been like what? Decades??? Centuries?????? Eons????????? One can never know. But on the plus side, I’ll be here to stay (at least, for a while yayyy)
There have been some major developments in my life. They are as follows:
1. I came out to most of my friends as pansexual and gender fluid (mostly, still figuring that out), They’re obvi super supportive about it:) love the mfs:’)
2. Was seeing someone but it didn’t work out. We’re still friends tho, but not really? Idk, its a weird, flirty thing we have going on
3. I GOT AN OFFER FROM BIRMINGHAM YAYYYY (its conditional but let’s ignore that)
4. If everything works out, I’ll be moving to the UK in September.
5. I’m trying to catch up on a lot of shows and books that I missed out on due to college (which was a bitch and held last min offline exams that we had zero mental prep for but anywhoooo)
6. Watched AOUAD and dkhfbadhfjbv OMG omg, lemme just say….. GWI NAM (saw this one meme which went like “I hate him but I wanna fuck him but I hate him. Can relate hehehe)
7. Currently watching Squid Games (Sae-Byeok and Jun-Ho have my whole heart) and reading The Hobbit (like 9-10 chapters to go)
8. Should I be adding AOUAD and Squid Games characters to my writing list? Do lemme know coz like I’d love to do that
I think that’s it for now? I’ve covered all the important bits so like I’ll be back with more updates. For now, I’m gonna clear my Ask Box and then open asks so I can start writing again. P.S. will also try to post a chapter/week for Love & Other Desires.
SEE YOU SOON BABIES:):):):):):):)
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My thoughts as I watch the season premiere - MAJOR SPOILERS
Jackson’s burial was beautifully filmed, the music was amazing, I might have teared up a bit…
« We are not honoring those who dishonor the constabulary » omg someone kill that fucking asshole please
Alright I wanna support Miss Marsh (i always support a woman in charge) but if she’s evil she can gtfo
I wonder how much time has passed since the season finale?? Couple hours? A day? Several days?? It’s a bit confusing since it started with the funeral idk
Aw poor Higgins is having visions of Crabtree it breaks my heart they’re the best bros
Nina is a good actress with Graham, such a cool character I hope her potential is not wasted in the episodes to come
Why do they need a confession from Murdoch though? Can’t they just hang him if the judges think he’s guilty? Maybe the bad guys know the judges trust Murdoch, after all he’s brought a lot of criminals behind bars, they must know him… let’s pretend that’s why they need a confession.
Also they still have Julia but how come other constables and station houses are not investigating her disappearance? Do the bad guys have that much power over Toronto? Isn’t her wealthy family doing everything they can to find her? Are we supposed to forget she has a family at all?
God I love Watts he’s so cute and witty though slightly socially awkward
Yayyy we’re about to see Julia 😍😍😍 oh never mind she kicked this guy’s ass and left 😂😂😂 I guess I’ll wait a little bit more to see her pretty face ugh
I can’t imagine Higgins’ ptsd after the shooting.. poor little cinammon roll. He looks so grown up (I know he’s an adult but he doesn’t seem like it most of the time, which is why I love him)
« Make this city great again » haha nice, I love the parallel between two gigantic assholes (two bad one of them is actually real…)
Juliaaaaa 😍😍😍 with a mustache but still pretty how does she do that, this woman is out of this world I swear
Lmaooo kissing Julia with the mustache, did you like that Murdoch? 😏😏😏😏
Oooh Nina has a knife, but I doubt she’ll kill the guy… I don’t know, I kinda hope she will tho
Why does Murdoch have some kind of poison/potion on the alcohol shelf??
That flashback with Julia pretending she can’t breathe… what’s the point of untying her wrists? How is this going to help her breathing? I just don’t get it. She’s badass tho so I still love that scene
Yasss Brackenreid!! And Crabtree!!! And the epic music haha I’m loving it
Oh Hodge!! So cool to bring him back
Damn Bracks is fast, Davis didn’t have time to shoot! Bracks’s a fucking ninja you guys!! He’s badass I love him let’s rename the show Brackenreid Ninja Moves
Wait Watts was at the church during the shooting?? What was he doing there? How did he know?
Miss James!!! Aaaah finally!!!
Aah the good old myth according to which you should take a bullet out, when it could actually make things way worse in real life :)) also she’s a surgeon now? Wow doctors at that time were superheroes
Miss Marsh has read about Murdoch’s faith? Where?? (Yes I’m being an asshole and looking at every detail, I must have watched to many CinemaSins videos on YouTube)
Awww Julia and Rebecca hugging! I want them to be bffs
Lmao Julia looking at the corpse still dressed as a man 😂 I have a really hard time taking her seriously hahaha
« I should get out of this » I mean yah that would be nice especially if you’re planning on having reunion sex with your husband, unless he’s into it… he seems to like it 😏
I’m wondering about the Queen’s Hotel… can just anyone get in and up to the rooms??? There’s like no security at all for such a high standard hotel
Watts is the best
Miss Marsh wtf bringing Williams to Murdoch?? Isn’t it a bad idea there’s Julia and Bracks there?!!!
Oh i guess they don’t give a fuck now lol
Lmaoooo are George and Murdoch going to kiss?
Wait so they have Williams but what about the other guy?…. ooooh fuck they need to get Graham
Damn Murdoch is fast to get a close shave and a bath
Nina is gonna be the one to get the ultimate proof of Graham’s guilt isn’t she
Wait not really but she was a key element good I like her
« Affidavit » I guess I just learned a new word today lol thanks Murmurrr
« I too have friends, much better ones » he sounds like an annoying thirteen year old 😂😂😂
Ooooh is that a new outfit for Julia!!! I like it she looks super nice👌👌👌👌👌
Lmaooo Crabtree and Higgins are the best I love them! And god gracious 20$ is an awful lot of money in 1904, I wonder why Henry needed it
Thank god Bracks is here to honor Jackson’s memory
Yayyyy Watts is here to stay!!!
Murdoch is so cute smiling and all!
« To Jackson » 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Alright overall this was really good. I’m still pissed that they decided to do that for the ending of season 10 tho. This episode, the season premiere, this should have been the season 10 finale. It made no sense to make us wait, we all forgot about the story, and the whole « who lives who dies » was actually annoying on such a long period of time.
It was a good episode though, I liked it. The plot was good and structured, they all had a role to play.
I wonder if Miss Marsh will return? I hope she will, at least for the next episode. Otherwise it would seem like they just created a character in order to solve the mystery, as if they didn’t know how to do it any other way and thought « oh well let’s just add this woman she’ll help us along the plot but we’ll just ditch her afterwards because she was just a tool. »
They obviously did not answer all the questions I had back when the season finale was broadcasted, but I was expecting that. And as you can see last night’s episode brought up some more unanswered questions.. oh well I guess it doesn’t really matter.
It was a good story tho, I enjoyed it! Did the show need two episodes like this? No. Were they my favorite episodes? No. But it was good, i loved how every character was useful and needed to solve the story. It was a smart ep.
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I HATE SCHOOL
Im just prolly writing all my thoughts I’m having everyday.
Smol print: This is a post which i might edit everyday if i have the time, and its technically a very cheesy dairy.
(10/01/2017)
Maybe i just cant study at all. My PEM is now teaching me a module this semester and he’s asking me to pay more attention during classes. Thing is, i dont even talk in class. I’ve been trying so hard to concentrate in class but i just dont understand any fucking thing. Seems like i failed CEP and Mr Herman wants to meet me after PEM class.
Lol, and i wanted to skip PEM class so Bryan doesnt have to wait that long for me. And lmao idk where i placed my contact lens (it wasnt even in my bag). Without my contact lens im not gg to Tkd training. I hope my lenses are somewhere at home PLEASE. It would take me another 2 weeks for me to get my contacts after ordering it.
Okay whatever, back to me not being able to concentrate in class. So yeah, i just dont understand anything and i end up staring into blank space or maybe start daydreaming. I think i failed Inorganic Chem and Math too. Idk im just worried for myself and my GPA. ok no, im mot worried about myself. Im more worried about me failing 2 or more modules and my PEM has to meet my parents, it’s gna be a disaster. Im so gna be fucked up. I just have no motivation for everything else.
Its really hard juggling a relationship, studies and CCAs too. Okay, for my situation, it isn’t really that bad. But maybe after a long run, im really worried that it might turn out bad someday. Im like typing this as I’m nearly breaking down in lecture and im holding myself so hard back to stop tearing up. Maybe im just too fucking paranoid, i think too much i just overthink too much and i hate it, it screws me up. People ask me what i would actually do if he starts getting cold again. Maybe I’ll miss him too much and start getting detached from everything and stop having the motivation to study or do anything in particular altogether. But for now, he’s always waiting for me for like hours just to spend the time with me after classes and i feel really, really fucking bad.
Anyways, U talked to me about his break up that happened a few months ago with J. And apparently, he lost feelings. But he also mentioned that J was really insecure as well, he had alot exes and yeah J was just alittle paranoid and insecure that U might just be playing. (idk why im like writing this maybe i just had to divert my mind somewhere else so i wouldnt cry in lecture) but yeah, U assured J that he was genuine and sincere but J was really guarded and apparently U was starting to get tired of assuring her. So she got paranoid and yea. Then U told me not to get too clingy and obsessive as he might get annoyed by it someday. He might think that it’s cute and sweet now, but someday he might get annoyed and U said that i wouldnt want someone to call me disgustingly clingy and obsessive after breaking up.
So yayyyy, im like really really really really happy these few weeks. He has been really extremellllyyyy sweet to me, he’s treating me really well too. He has been starting to say that he loves me like really constantly and its just reaaaaly reaaaaly sweet. And we had deep talks yay. Ive always suspected that he might some family issues as he always tried to avoid questions about them. But i never wanted to ask him like, i mean, if he wanted and was ready to tell me, he would have. So yay he finally told me idk i just wna hug him forever he’s so precious and vulnerable actually.
(okay fuck there was a 10min break i ran from chemical life science block to training ground and he wasnt there😭😭😭😭😭 so i ran back to science block i was like 1min late but class havent started so thank god. His phone has no battery and he has nothing to do for 2h maybe more cuz i have to meet PEM fuck i feel so bad i want to cry right now. He doesnt have his phone charger so he has nothing to do for 2h and there isnt anyone on training ground so he’ll be alone :(( no i feel fucking bad i want to cry so badly right now, i should’ve asked him to just go home. Now idk where he is im worried that he’s gna be very bored waiting for me fuck)
Gosh i think he went home already. But like if he went home shouldnt his phone have battery. Where is heeee :(( im so worried right now. Where could he actually beeeee :(((( okay imma hunt for him in school. He isnt at south and north canteen. Okay maybe library. He’s not at the library either. Okay maybe he went home and slept but didnt charge his phoneeee :/ shouldnt have asked him to wait for me. Should have just asked him to go home.
So yayyyyy he didnt went home, and actually waited for me. Okay thank god he wasnt alone, he was with raph and a few othr tkd ppl. I was so gna be worried that he might be alone with his phone battery flat, doing nothing. But i guess he was alrighttt.
I want a lip product. Idk lip tint, lipstick, liquid lipstick. idk i just want one. Like i want one red not those bright red, but like orangey lighter kind of shade red.
Fuck, my stye isnt curing. There’s like 2 styes in my left eye.Its sucks, it looks really ugly and digusting. I really hope it gets cured soon.
Apparently, Mr Lee asked Vincent about my bad grades. Lee asked vin like if he knows why my grades are like so bad. And Vin was like, oh, maybe becuz of r/s. But actually it isnt, i have been having bad grades since last sem. Idk i just have no motivation to do anything, i dont understand lectures and tutorials. All i want to do is to breakdown and cry in school everyday.
Okay, so about my contact lenses, it isnt at home. I just couldnt find it. Ive went through all my bags in my room for at least the 5th time already and still i cant find my contact lens. Guess ive lost it. I could have like worn it for another 2 months, god damn it. Now i have to order a new one, and wait for around 2-3weeks for my lens to arrive.
Y’all might actually ask why i feel insecure without my contact lens. Okay yay let’s start. I might have or might have not mentioned about the guys in my secondary school but yeahhhhh. They are a bunch of idiots which i would probably hold a grudge on them forever. Yes i hold on to grudges pretty long. Apparently the guys in my class hated me so they’ve always teased me and idk i just hated them so much. Okay I dont wanna say that im bullied, it just sounds so weird and idk, i dont people to think that im making a fuss by calling them bullies. But yeah they laugh whenever i answer a teacher’s question, teased me for being ugly, insulted me for alot of things, laughed at me for alot of things too. But ever since i switched to contacts, people started treating me better. Okay, its stupid to think that with contacts, people will treat me better. Maybe, coincidentally the guys in my class have matured when i switched to contacts. So, ever since, i had this thought drilled into my mind that contacts made me look better, and people treat better looking people much better. I mean at first, i thought i was just being silly. Then i started to try things out. I was out with some gatherings from the cosplay community and yeah, they were all strangers. When i’m with my glasses, no one came to talk to me and i wasnt treated as well as when i was wearing my contact lens. When i wore my contact lens, more people were interested to talk to me, i had more attention from people and yeah, i was just treated so much better than i was wearing my glasses. It wasnt the first time something like this happened. I’ve tried many times to different group of strangers and it always seems that wearing contact lenses made people treat me better. It’s kinda silly and childish for me to think like this but ever since ive gotten contacts, i had it drilled in my mind that that it’s how people work. People treat you better when you are better looking. I also felt less insecure and much more confident about myself everytime i wore my contacts. And idk i’ve been depending on contacts ever since to boost up my super low self-esteem.
So If i dont wear contacts in front of you, that would probably mean either. 1) Im very comfortable with you, i trust you alot and i see no problem wearing just glasses and looking unglam in front of you. Or 2) you mean nothing to me, i dont care about you. Examples for 1) would be Roy, Vin ,Zane, Aloy, Alfie, Daina, Alicia. I mean i really trust Roy and the rest alot, they’re really good friends and they have seen me with glasses outside training before. Examples of 2) would be my classmates or just random people in the lecture hall. But for B, im like really comfortable and i trust him alot, but i also wna look good in front of him so i try to have my contacts on everytime i meet him.
So like many people keep asking why i quitted cosplay so here are the reasons. But lmao nobody knows my tumblr, im writing everything here just to rant stuff, nobody would even read it anyways. Actually i quit cosplay for a few reasons. I hate it when people used to remind me that i cosplay. Well, sure, i might have kept some pictures left of some certain cosplays. But that is because the picture taken was really nice and i really wna safekeep it. One reason was money lol. I dont have money to actually buy all the costumes and props and those bullshits are fucking expensive, its just seriously a waste of my precious money. Another reason was, it wasnt really socially acceptable, people find me weird, a creep,idk. I used to be really proud and optimistic about cosplaying since it’s actually a very special hobby, but i guess some things are really hard if people always tease you about cosplaying as it is not very socially acceptable. And since cosplaying also require alot makeup, i can cut down cost on my make up, so yayy i still can save more money.
Today with Bryan was just amazing.Okay everyday with him is just fking amazing. Apparently there wasnt any movie to watch because i might go over my curfew but yayyy we actually just sat down at the swing and just talked. Sounds typical, but he loves me when i cant love myself. He’s the best thing that could ever happen to me and maybe waiting for him was actually all really worth it. I’m really an insecure person and he always has to assure me that im beautiful, gorgeous and adorable to him. He’s really the most sweetest and romantic things ever and it’s just really extremely cute. Even i get annoyed everytime i feel insecure about myself. I Love Him sooooo much i would never want to lose him. Omg this is getting fucking cheesy HAHA.
Let’s talk about money. I’m in debt. I owe so many people money i feel really bad. I dont really wish to have squabbles with friends over money, like seriously, it’s fucking stupid. I want to stop borrowing from people, i dont want to make this into a really bad habit.
i wanna cry so bad :(
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