#yara I won't hold you: i've been writing this on and off since you sent it in

[feleshero]

¥ Felicia stealing Khonshu's tomb and he gets her in the act 🗣️

She'd been told, time and time again, that picking a fight with divinity was not a very good idea. 'Mercurial', that's how the Gods were described. Mercurial beings that would lay a blessing at your feet in the morning, but curse your entire lineage before dinner. Ancient entities with too much power and far too little time spent learning manners. Attracting their attention, for good or for bad, was a fast path to suffering because they held grudges like no one else.

The row of cloth-wrapped, pitch soaked torches was a very good touch. Pulling one from its sconce and setting it ablaze over her head gave her just the Lara Croft feel she was going for! On the far end of an ancient temple (or was that... a tomb?), armed with only her wits, her mitts (two sets of very sharp claws), and a very reliable tip given to her by one heavily inebriated soul at the Midnight Mission, Felicia was making the loudest decision of her week: Picking a fight with a God.

And what a dirty fighter God was.

Crescent-curved blades were launched at her from hidden slats in ornately decorated, crimson-splashed walls that she had to pounce and prance around.

Storms of arrows flit through cobweb-coated rivets looking to perforate her.

Gouts of flame rose through hair-trigger pressure grates at her feet needing to immolate her.

Even the walls of the temple were closing in around her, compelled by an absentee landlord to turn HER into a lovely crimson splash adorning the walls! She hadn't had a workout this intensive since robbing Fury* all those moons ago.

[*Read Issue #7 - Sifr. ]

❝ You'd think they didn't want people to get down here, or something... Were you this anti-social back in your day? ❞

Can you blame her for taking a few seconds to catch her breath between traps? She may be the greatest thief alive, but even legends needed some moments in-between moments... and if the golden statue of a man with an owl-skeleton for a head minded her taking this moment, then he sure wasn't speaking up about it.

❝ Tell you what, bud. ❞ A groan of effort as Felicia lifted off of the floor, stretched and swayed to loosen up some. ❝ I can tell I'm crowding your space... so I'm just gonna get my things and go. ❞ Social grace didn't abandon her, even in a golden treasure horde of a hidden chamber. Oh, and what a horde it was.

Surrounded by gold idols, figureheads, weapons, trinkets, talismans... canopic jars? (who's organs were THOSE?), she'd danced her way all the way into God's secret little hidey-hole! She could've started hauling this stuff topside by the barrel load, but that wasn't her goal. Course it wasn't. If she wanted just riches, she could've saved herself a flight from New York to Cairo.

She wanted something very specific, something that even old Owl-Head himself wasn't supposed to have. Bast's Diadem. A funky little crown, marked with the sigils of life & death, and hidden away from the feline goddess for centuries, maybe millennia! What the Owl's beef with the Panther was, Felicia was sure she didn't care.

All she cared about, in this moment, was carefully being lifted from the dusty bust she'd found it on. It felt warm in her hands, like a gem that'd been sitting in the sun, smooth to the touch and heavy. A lot heavier than she'd expected... as i- as if someone were pressing down on it - !

"HAS CURIOSITY CEASED ITS RELENTLESS CAMPAIGN AGAINST CATS IN THIS ERA, GIRL?"

OHWHA-! Felicia pivoted on her heels so quickly, the dust she kicked up didn't move until she had already settled again. Staring, with an only lightly masked concern, as the large, owl-esque statue of a deity canted its head down toward her... and spoke again.

"THAT. DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. RETURN IT, AND YOUR DEATH WILL BE WITHOUT SUFFERING."

... ... ...

To say that the thief was - a bit - caught off guard? Well, it wouldn't be too inaccurate. She really only allows herself a moment to gawk, wide-eyed. A single moment to catch her breath...

❝ It doesn't belong to you either, sir! In fact, I think Mother Bast would be VERY interested to hear just why it is one of her favorites is riding the Duat instead of getting her tiara out of here. ❞

If - If that play worked, she can't tell. Owl skulls are notorious for not having readable expressions. The statue sits there for a spell. Silent, immobile, watching without watching. Felicia stands her ground. Diadem in hand, heart padam padaming something vibrant against her ribcage, but confidence on her features.

She's not going to die here. In a tomb? Killed by Moon Knight's patron? It would absolutely not be the end of her sto - !

"LYING TO A GOD HAS CONSEQUENCES, FELICIA HARDY. CONSEQUENCES YOU HAVE ELECTED TO SUFFER."

I - ugh. Tremors at her feet, the very room around her had been warbling steadily since old owl-head wke up, but now? Now it was rattling. Shaking itself loose, as if it were about to... crumble. Fuck.

❝ Okay, well... I can see that there's no talking to you about this. ❞ Time to go. Time to go! Stuffing that diadem in her go-bag, scooping up a gold coin, as a memento, the thief was RACING toward the exit - Or... well, she was about to be.

❝ Hey! ❞ Atop a large set of stairs, she paused. Turning back toward the statue, she crouched a bit so she could make eye-contact with the thing actively trying to murder her.

❝ Hey! Tell Marc & Stephen & Jake, that I said 'Thanks for the tip!' before you send them! ❞ And she laughed as she fell backwards down a rapidly crumbing hallway, narrowly avoiding a crescent-shaped blade of energy hurled at her head.

Sure, she'd been told, time and time again, that picking a fight with divinity was not a good idea. They held grudges like nobody's business and they always came to collect.

Luckily! She had a philosophy of her own she so enjoyed whipping out:

Don't miss heaven by two inches. If you're gonna piss a God off, give it your all and make them remember you!

Send me a ¥ and a command and my muse has to obey. ft. @nantosueltas