#yall can ignore this im just anxious about literally everything right now

[kaoticspoonie]

Apparently one of our neighbors complained to another one of our neighbors about our grass being taller then everyone else's? Which we don't have an HOA so we just need to stay under county height requirements..

Anyway my neighbors r all gonna know me as the one with weird allergies. And us as the ones with the weird work schedules (do u want the lawn mowed at 3 am? Bc 3-4 is the current best time)

I mean a two week long mast cell flare seems like a good reason to not cut the grass to me? Now that I seem to be recovering (after having my meds at unsafe levels and still having migraines for two weeks) we r gonna cut it in a few days.

Hoping to replace it with a non allergen alternative asap. Creeping thyme and other noninvasive ground covers probably..

Anyway I'm stressed bc I know at least one of the neighbors doesn't like barking dogs (and I know which one) and Mischief has such a high pitched distinctive bark :/ she doesn't bark a ton, less then most of the small dog neighbors. We've gotten it down to only when she sees the neighbors husky who barks whenever he is outside (and where she picked it up from) and when the neighbors kids are screaming full volume. I do have videos of them screaming and barking at her 2. As well as our security camera videos which have sight and volume detection and capture so we have proof of when/how long she is barking and how quickly I stop her.

I don't want to be the nuisance neighbors that disturb other ppl. I hate lawn culture but know it's important to other ppl for property values or something. And like I don't let Mischief bark bc I know it's annoying and I hate when other ppls dogs bark 2.

But also I know ppl can hold grudges and be petty and create issues. We had a neighbor once try to get animal control to list our rottie as a dangerous dog bc she growled at him (he was being creepy and I was a teenager so I don't blame her for being protective or reactive at all).

[eitelle]

Hi!! Congrats on 60 followers btw! 💗

I am a female and I’d like to matched up with a guy from Haikyuu. I am ENFJ, (but sometimes enfp). I’m outgoing and generally nice to everyone, but I have a very sassy, goofy personality. Naturally flirty and very affectionate, and my love language is physical touch. I have my moments when I get shy and anxious, especially around someone I really have a crush on. Yet at the same time I’m the person always trying to hug and cuddle my friends even after roasting them. My favorite colors are blue, red, purple and pink. I love some teasing. I’m passionate about acting and singing. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I have long curly blackish hair and I’m 5’2. I’m a Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising and Gemini Moon. I am a caring and adaptable person, and like to make people happy I always finding a way to slip a stupid joke in🙄( joking is my coping mechanism) . My favorite food is tacos. African-American, and I like someone that I can relate to. I don’t have a specific type, but I do like someone with goals and passion. I like someone I can laugh with and also have real conversations with. I’m so into the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, yet sometimes I act like a little boy💀. I can be loud asf, even just when normally talking cause I usually have a lot of energy.

As far as style goes, it varies from 12 year old boy with some joggers and a t-shirt wayyyy too big for me , to like a 90s baddie with some hoops on, to girly with skirts, sweaters and some knee high socks. As far as accomplishments go, I’ve won state in theater and continue to pursue acting. It’s something I’m very passionate about. Some flaws of mine are overthinking and my anxiety. Like I’ll overthink an entire situation before I really know what happened and assume that someone like hates me. Or I’ll assume I’m talking to much and that’s it’s annoying so I just kinda.. shut down. My anxiety can get kinda bad, i get all shaky and I care a lot about what people think of me (although I try to deny it). So I’ll need someone who can bring me back to earth every now and then. But it’s getting better with time and I’m trying to stress myself out less. When I’m out I’ve got such a big personality and I’m making dumb jokes and dancing, but when I get home I’m just chilling and watching anime. (Although I will dance and make jokes if I feel like it). And I’m a night owl!

Sorry if this was too much!! I really appreciate what you are doing 💗.

OH MY GOD IM AN INFJ THAGS SO COOL!! MY ONLINE PERSONALITY IS LOWK ENFJ THO SO I THINK THATS SO SWAG SHSHSHS (if u recall me saying otherwise shhhhh thats when i trusted 16personalities) ALSO STATE IN ACTING??? UR SO COOL WTF?? ANYWAYS

ok i was actually just wanting to do a matchup w this character n it just so happens u seem to literally fit what id say is his ideal type so i have matched you with: semi eita

GOSH I LOVE HIM OK HCS: (also im so sorry for doing these so late shshs 😖)

forst of all hes def helping w ur lines

like hes such a good person to help prep u

hes also like lowk very lowkey shdhd and honest/blunt so if u ever get an anxiety attack i think hed tell u how it is like straight up n that ur overreacting but in the way that snaps u back to reality

n hes like ur anchor shdhd

i think thats so cute

and sometimes he gets stage fright so i feel like your presence would just help comfort him

OOH ALSO YALL WOULD PROB RELEASE SO GS TOGETHER

N HED LOVE SINGING W U 😫‼️

i feel like hed call u angel, his muse, or his bitch. no in between.

i also feel like he loves how hes so pale and his hair is gray and hes tall n ur lowk short n ur skin is darker and ur hair is like complete opposites and he loves that

like the opposites but fits so well together thing

yall def listen to ricky montgomery together idec.

and taylor swift.

ooh i know for a fact that mans had a hamilton phase but thats why hes so hot tbh

yall also make like photo/mood boards of yall or playlists lol i feel so lonely rn help-

if one of ur anxiety attacks comes in public u know this man is gonna pull the “im famous u want a photo?” to drag attention away from u shdh

oh u def call him suga by “accident” to make him mad HAHAHSJSH

prob the clubbing people but i could see him n u watching anime together and u accidentally hum the ops while harmonizing by accident sometimes shahsgdj

GOSH OK THAT WAS LONG SORRY OK ANYWAYS NOW ITS TIME FOR A ONE SHOT!! (also if u ever need to talk ab something my dms r always open!!)

IS THAT THE TOUNGE N LIKE TEETH THING BUT IN ANIME??/7;6&3);&;7: I JEVER NOTICED THIS WHAT THE FUCK

on a normal friday night, a (your age) person would normally be out with friends, or maybe even going clubbing. but not you, no you and your boyfriend were sitting on the couch, howl's moving castle on your tv and your head on his chest.

it was a chill day to say the least, you and him both having a full day off and spending it like this the two of you too exhausted from the weeks events already. you had random music playing in the background. by random i mean random it went from ed sheeran to lil uzivert all the way to BTS; needless to say it was kinda a mess. but that was how you liked it.

all of a sudden ‘The Schuyler Sisters’ from the original broadway cast of hamilton: the musical started blasting interrupting the beautiful silence w background noise.

you turn to look at your boyfriend, your chests now pressed against each other to look at him staring just past you at his phone, a light pink blush tinting his ears.

“a hamilton kid i see..” you tease playfully noticing how he flushed even deeper.

“o-oi shut up, my- my mom set it for me ok?” he tries to say, his excuses unheard as you burst into laughter tired of holding it in.

“we- well at least pick it up,” you say between laughs.

“fine. hello?” he says as he answers the call. “oh- but today, no i understand. of course. ok ill be right there.”

as he shifts you look at him all of a sudden concerned, you didn’t want your boyfriend overworking himself afterall.

“darling is everything ok?” you ask afraid of the answer. then you notice how hes not meeting your eyes and how hes tapping his knee with his pointer finger. his little tell he was trying to hold in laughs. “oh haha very funny semi now drop the act can we please just go back?” you try to reason.

“oh but getting u annoyed like this is so cute >w<“ he laughs seeing you grumble about how he was ‘so annoying’ as you turn to ignore him.

“oh shut up.”

“make me :p”

“maybe i will,” you say before stuffing a pillow in his mouth and leaning your head against it. “now enjoy the movie.” </3

HES SO PRETTY OML 🤩🤤

ohmygod now its time for my last texts for this event ahhh

OK I HOPE U ENJOYED SORRY THIS WAS SO LATE SHDGSH

[broodsys]

so. just like - updates, overview, mood, what im trying to deal with, lowkey venting

ending week 7 of school (out of 10) and im so glad that both classes are rly laid back bc i am struggling sfm with everything lately. and i mean, spanish is still challenging bc its a whole different language, but it’s a very familiar challenging and the prof, for all her faults, is a soft grader which i appreciate.

im a lot calmer about the kitten situation bc even tho (stray) momma cat had five kittens this time, good!neighbors helped last year and have been involved with me thru momma cat ever since, and im a lot more familiar with what to do. for instance, i didnt panic and temporarily steal all her babies at fair injury to myself only to research, see that they should be with their mom at this age, confirm it with the vet, then let them go right back outside lmao. instead im just leaving them with her but beginning to interact with them. and im sure the neighbors socialize them, too - after all, they’re mostly on/under their deck and who wouldn’t want to play with tiny kittens?

and yall, they’re so fucking cute im ;;;;;; one gray, one pure black, one tuxedo like its mom, and two tortoiseshells, one with a black splotch right on the middle of its face and nose ;o;

and in less fun but still good-ish news, i think i got the one concession that since alcohol has become such a big trigger of mine, if my brother is going to drink he has to be kinda subtle about it, ie no beer cans left in the sink for me to wake up to and feel like ive been punched in the gut literally first thing in the morning (:

actually bc ive been so triggered by that (it’s been going on for like 4 days as of yesterday) i had a Ton of anxious energy and, in part bc ive been needing to anyway, rearranged my room p significantly. but now im on my desktop at my actual desk instead of trying to work on, literally, a folding tv dinner tray. but my 10g aquarium was on my desk and its a pain to move - still, it was one of those rearrangement sessions where after u move one thing u see how another thing should be moved, and it all works out really well. the new location for the 10g is so close that i was able to slide it over and have it rest at one point on both surfaces

im still exhausted and still fighting so many different things, health, stress, etc. - but i have my root canal appointment on monday (finally!) and while, like, the tooth is already dead and a drainage point has developed naturally, both of which mean im not in pain, its still an ongoing infection and that’s Not Great for anyone and esp for my immunocompromised ass. so, yeah, looking forward to that. also bc it’s a complicated root canal job (my root splits midway and has two ends, and it’s one of my front teeth! even tho it’s a pain, neat) i need to see an actual endodontist, but im honestly p excited abt that bc endo is my personal favorite dental specialty and it’s so cool. i love watching them work? even when they’re working on me?

im gonna run my name & gender change forms done to the courthouse this upcoming week, and im rly excited! and nervous! i don’t think i have much cause to be, like i think it’ll go thru without a hitch, but official paperwork of any stripe makes me hella nervous

but also i have been... rly relieving my past a Lot lately. some of u may’ve seen me mention this in now deleted posts but just, yeah, i think everything that’s going on just stirred up all my old traumas and i cant rly ignore it anymore, so im thinking abt getting a therapist of some kind, more just to have someone external to the family and not, yknow, tumblr to talk to abt all this. even dug out my DBT handbook, which should say a Lot abt my state of mind bc that thing was a pain to dig out and it’s heavy and unwieldy (and great, and written by someone with BPD, and great and personally completely revolutionary and did i mention great?)

but the garden and all the growth and the birds and squirrels and bugs and everything else makes me feel so calm, so connected to smth a lot greater and vaster than my household or immediate family or the stressors (living) downstairs, which helps.

[princessselene126]

Hey yall, emotional abuse, physical pain (not self harm, just illness pain), brief mention of periods, and shitty parents tws coming up.

So i generally try to keep my personal life off here unless I won’t be posting for a while and want to let you know why (like i did with my ear infection.), but I’m having a really bad week and a half and desperately need to vent. Feel free to completely ignore this because I don’t expect anyone to respond, I just need to get everything off my chest--although any suggestions as to what the fuck I should do are more than welcome.

My dad and stepmom have been controlling any emotionally abusive for pretty much my entire life--because you know, abuse doesn’t just start randomly and it’s not something that you can easily fix.

Anyway. When I went home for my ear infection, my stepmom got kinda mad about it. Mad might be the wrong word, controlling is probably better. I didnt tell her or my dad that I was coming home to see the doctor for a few reasons:

I knew if I told them, they’d tell me i should tough it out and go to class

They’d say that i was being over dramatic and that it couldn’t possible hurt that bad

They’d ask why I couldn’t have seen a doctor in Milwaukee (where my college is and 1.5 hours from home), why I needed to come home for something like that.

So I didn’t tell them. While I was home my stepmom texted me asking how I was doing. At the time she didn’t know I had an ear infection or that I was home, so of course like the idiot I am, I was honest and told her I came home sunday night. Seriously I think honesty is my fatal flaw. She, of course, asked why and I told her that “I cant think right now, let alone take a bus somewhere I’ve never been before. I tried to get into the dr at school, but they dont have any openings until wednesday.” I was able to get into my doctor at home on monday, two full days before I would have been able too at school, so it seems logical that id go home right? I couldnt hear out of my right ear anyway, so it’s not like I would have been able to pay attention in class and actually learn anything. 

She drops it or that day.

But my stepmom, being my stepmom, of course texts me back a few days later (fthursday or friday i think) because she thinks that I should have tried harder to find a doctor here. She said, and I fucking quote this entire goddamn text 

Hey so I just want to clarify with you ... you could have gone to a dr there you know? You guys didn’t have to come all the way home and back. good lord. Just find a clinic thats an urgent care or er. you might have had to pay more out of pocket, but so what? And you have 2 insuraces, so that wouldve helped more too. Just saying. So I thought I’d let you know instead of doing all that craziness back and forth. Make it easier on yourself next time kiddo.

And this has me fucking livid because:

I literally explained to her why I didn’t find someone in Milwaukee days before. 

She’s insinuating that it’s too inconvenient for my mom to come get me.

And my stepdad had off on tuesday, so he gladly took me back too school. No questions asked. No complaints. He even bought my antibiotics for me (which I was totally prepared to pay the $10 for myself) before we left.

She’s talking down to me as if I had no idea that I could do this.

I can’t afford to pay more out of pocket right now, even if I might (read: MIGHT) get reimbursed for it later.

Going home literally WAS making it easier on myself.

So I send a screenshot of this text to my mom of course, and she replies almost immediately just going off. My mom and I havent always had the best relationship (she has some emotionally abusive habits too, but she knows about most of them, acknowledges them, and tries her best to fix them), but I know that she will always be there for me. She’s that person who will drive an hour and a half just to come make sure someone is okay, and she has done so 2-3 times in my 2 years at college. She doesn’t care if I’m 45 and living on the other side of the country, she will drive or by a plane ticket to hep me if/when need it. So my mom is beyond pissed off that my stepmom would ever imply that coming to get me, take care of me, is an inconvenience.

I reply a simple “i know” to my stepmom, because I know better than to give her a long winded explanation. She’ll just come back at me with an even longer block of text basically telling me how wrong/stupid i was to not just see a dr in the area.

And of course, of fucking course, she replies with a long block of text anyway basically telling me the same fucking thing. She does this several times and I keep doing the “i know” “yeah” “okay” thing because I just didn’t have the fucking ENERGY you guys. 

But then she says 

my goodness you’re a peach sometimes. Just trying to help and maybe you guys didn’t think of that. 

So by this point in time my patience was completely GONE. I have absolutely none left. I know when my stepmom calls me a peach it’s just her “nice” way of saying “you’re being a fucking bitch.” ((Keep in mind this entire time I was taking screenshots and sending them to my mom so she could be mad with me.)) And so I fucking went off in the nicest way possible. I tell her

no, you’re trying to be in control of the situation that had absolutely nothing to do with you

I was going to just try going to a dr the next morning, but then my mom called and I was crying and she asked if I wanted to come home, so I said yes. It wasn’t an inconvenience to her, though it feels like you’re trying to make it seem that way. And [stepdad] had off so he was easily able to take me back.

I’m not an idiot, im an adult fully capable of doing things myself. But i also recognized that I needed help and accepted it when my mom noticed I did as well

Because yes. I was in so much pain that I was actually crying from it. I usually have a decent pain tolerance (horrific period cramps will do that to a person), but for some reason whenever I say that I’m genuinely in pain my stepmom never seems to think it could be “that bad.” And... that’s exactly how that went. I was soooo prepared to just tough it out and wait until Wednesday if I absolutely had to. But then my mom called and I may be 20 years old but there are those times when you’re an adult and you just need your parent. You need your parent to tell you it’s going to be okay. You need your parent to hold and comfort you. You need your parent to take you to the dr. And for me this was one of those times. I so very rarely ask for help but this time i needed it, and there’s no reason for my stepmom (or anyone) to make me feel like I should be ashamed of that.

So she said something brief to that and I didn’t reply back. Ne next moring she sends me another text starting off with something along the lines of “I’m hurt by how you treated me last night...” and I didn’t read the rest because I knew it would make me mad. I did, however send a screenshot to my mom again.

The next day I call both my mom and my paternal grandma to talk about this entire conversation.

My mom thinks that I should cut off ties with them for at least a few months because this has been overwhelming me so much. I agree with her, but I’m concerned about my younger siblings (not that they’ll get hurt or anything, but that I won’t be able to see them) and also my aunt is getting married in may.

And my grandma was livid too. She’s never liked my stepmom because she’s always thought that she’s treated me like shit. (For a long time i mistakenly believed that my stepmom was a better person than my mom, but I was an impressionable child/teenager then). My grandma and I talked about times when stepmom made me feel bad about myself or treated me as lesser than my half siblings. And my grandma agrees that I should keep my distance, but she asked me to not cut ties, and to keep a decent amount of peace, until after my aunt’s wedding.

Which I understand. I get it. I love my aunt a lot and I truly dont want to cause any problems at her wedding, she deserves the world. But at the same time I don’t know how much longer I can take this you guys. I’m supposed to go to a water park for a night with my dad, stepmom, and siblings during my spring break (it was a christmas present from my dad to the family) and I’m absolutely dreading it. I don’t want to go. My mom says I should just lie and say I have to work, but again, fatal flaw here is honesty, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that. I want to see my siblings too, but I really need to start taking care of myself.

I’ve spent far too long worrying about my family even after not living at home for the last two years. I need to take care of myself. I do. But I honestly don’t know how to do that without causing a family feud in the process.

And the reason this was all triggered again today (after not having talked to anyone on my dad’s side since saturday) is because I got a call from a random number while I was in class today. It was a call from my home city and whoever it was left a voicemail. In the back of my mind I started worrying that it was my dad and that he wanted to talk me into not being upset with my stepmom (he’s a terrible person too but that’s a rant for a different day).

I have yet to listen to it because the idea of talking about this with him makes me nauseous. At the same time, not knowing who called is making me overwhelmingly anxious. I don’t know what would be best:

Ignoring the voicemail, or listening to it and potentially having to talk to my dad?

Toughing out being around my family until after the wedding, or risk causing a family feud by cutting ties?

I just... I’m so lost you guys.

[spellcastersjudgement]

okay i’m literally obsessed i need more faithshipping !!! literally any of the numbers i just neeeeeed it

okay the froot has finished her other fanfics so she finally has the time to devote to this ask bc i have a lot of feelings abt these two and i need proper time to fully dump my feelings ™ 

since this is a Dealers Choice ask i hope yall know im gonna pick the one that allows me to dump the most headcanons on yall

i know ive already done this one before for the tutor ask but!! i love this idea and im not ashamed to do it again lmao

#30: a kiss as comfort 

Yusei was not used to Akiza waking up before him, but there was a first time for everything. 

His alarm had awoken him, making him groan and roll over, feeling on the top to hit the snooze button, rolling back over, left arm searching for Akiza, wanting to bring her back against his chest and bury his face in her hair. When his arm found only an empty bed, his eyes opened a crack, looking around the dim room for her. Empty. She must’ve gone to the kitchen, which was a huge disappointment–he had another few minutes before he had to actually get up and put his work uniform on, and he would much rather spend it cuddling with his girlfriend than laying in bed alone. 

He should go down and see her, maybe spend a few minutes on the couch together before he had to leave. Pushing himself up and rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes, the cold air of the room made him shiver, another incentive to find Akiza, warm up. 

Turning off his alarm so it wouldn’t shake the apartment, he left the bedroom. The smell of coffee greeted him, his eyes adjusting to the lights of the kitchen. His girlfriend was standing in the kitchen, staring out the window with her coffee in her hands, fully dressed and made up, her bangs braided in a crown around her head. 

That was strange. Akiza usually rolled out of bed in her nightgown. She must’ve been up a while, extricated herself from Yusei’s hold without waking him, a feat considering that he was a light sleeper. 

“Good morning, handsome,” she looked over her shoulder as he approached, lifting the steaming cup to her lips. 

“Morning,” he slid his arms around her waist, her knit cardigan warm against his bare chest and arms. 

The scene outside wasn’t terribly interesting, but Akiza was staring at the grey, cloudy buildings with such intensity Yusei wondered if he was missing something. She was tense, he could feel that from where his head rested on her shoulder, the way she was audibly swallowing, her breathing faster than normal. When he’d come in last night she’d still been awake, hunched over her laptop with her reading glasses holding her bangs back, chewing on her nails. Yusei didn’t look to see what she was doing, had only shut the computer and picked her up, teasing her for turning into a night owl like him. 

Something was bothering her, he could tell. “Missed you when I woke up, Kiki,” 

A soft laugh, a sip of coffee. “I can tell you’re not awake,” 

“Haven’t had my coffee,” he laid his hand over hers, bringing her cup to his mouth and taking a sip. She liked her coffee less sweet than he did, tipping only a bit of creamer into it. 

“You only call me Kiki when you’re half asleep,” 

“Hm, maybe I’ll have to call you that more so I won’t be so easy to read,” Yusei said. 

“I’ll have to get a nickname for you,” she said. 

“You call me handsome,” 

“That’s not a nickname, that’s an adjective,” she turned around. He loosened his hold to let her. “Even if it is true, it doesn’t count,” 

The cup between them radiated heat onto Yusei’s skin, not as warm as when Akiza had been pressed against him, but at least this way it was easier to steal the cup from her hands and drink from it. She rolled her eyes and laughed, told him to get his own cup, there was plenty left in the pot, and from the multiple coffee filters he could see in the trash can, it wasn’t the first of the morning. 

“Been awake a while?” he asked. 

She shrugged, eyes not meeting his, staring over his shoulder, anon-answer that only affirmed his feelings that something was bothering her. Nails drummed against the cup for a moment, soon back in her mouth, a habit that Carly often ragged on her about, forcibly removing her hand. Yusei closed his hand around her wrist, ignoring her annoyed glance as he kissed the back of her hand. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. I’m just tired,” 

“You wouldn’t be so tired if you didn’t get up so early,” he teased. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” she sighed, finally meeting his eyes. Beneath the makeup he could see a tinge of purple, her normally bright eyes red and dull. Lack of sleep was an understatement if he’d ever heard one. “Got up, got some work done,” 

“How long was that?” 

“Yusei,” she muttered, moving out of his embrace to top off her coffee. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t you have work to go to?” 

“They can manage without me for a few minutes, Kiki,” he leaned against the counter, watching her move to the fridge. “Unless you want me to leave,” 

“No, Yusei–I’m sorry,” her shoulders fell. “You don’t–don’t go,” 

He watched as she stood on her tiptoes, reaching into the cabinet to retrieve a second cup. Normally he’d reach over her back and tease her about being short, but this didn’t seem like the time. Yusei Fudo would never list one of his strengths as “bedside manner,” but seeing Akiza so worked up–well her quiet, unassuming way of being upset that had developed in recent years. He’d seen her cry, scream, but that was different, over her childhood, and it seemed that after that had passed she had decided to suppress, compartmentalize. He had no interest in forcing the floodgates open, knew she wouldn’t appreciate that, but–but it was eating at him to not say anything. 

Akiza was in front of him, handing him coffee. “Time for you to wake up,” 

“Thank you,” 

She leaned against the counter next to him, laying her head on his shoulder, tracing the rim of the cup with her finger. Her hair was soft against his bare skin, tickling the slightest bit as she moved, her breath blowing across his chest. He looked down, wishing her hair was down so he could run his fingers through it but settling for an arm around her shoulders. 

“‘kiza,” he laid his cheek on her head. “What’s going on?” 

A sigh, a shake of her head, tickling his cheek. “It’s really nothing,” 

“C’mon, you can tell me,” he tightened his hold on her, running his hand up and down her upper arm, anything to make her feel comfortable enough to open up. 

“Don’t wanna bother you,” 

“You won’t be,” he insisted, putting the coffee she’d made down on the counter, grasping both of her shoulders. She looked up at him through her lashes, lip between her teeth, anxiety radiating off of her. “Something at school?” 

“No–yes, I mean,” she sighed, making the motion for pushing her bangs behind her ears out of habit–adorable, especially the blush afterwards when she realized she had nothing to brush back. “There’s, there’s this–I have a class today,” 

“It’s,” he waited for his brain cells to produce the day of the week. “It’s Wednesday, you’ve got three today,” 

“I forgot you memorize my schedule,” a laugh, a genuine one, a bit of a smile. “I think it’s cute,” 

“Don’t you change the subject,” he felt a smile coming on to his own face. “Which one is it?” 

“Postcolonial lit,” she said. 

“Should I pretend I know what that is?”

“I’ll read it to you sometime,” she offered. “I think you’d enjoy it,” 

Yusei would have to take her up on that later. Listening to Akiza’s voice, the way she change her voices for the different characters, the way she’d stop in the middle of the sentence–it was the closest thing he’d come to a religious experience, and it’d been a while since he’d listened to her read. But right now he could tell she was deflecting. “You got a paper due today? Didn’t read?” 

“Me? Not read?” she gasped. “Of course I read. I’m not going into debt for nothing,” 

“Then what is it, Kiki?” he asked. 

“You’re just calling me that to butter me up,” 

“Is it working?” 

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “Yeah, it is.” She sighed, looking down at her coffee before looking back up to him. “I have a presentation today,” 

“Is that what you were working on last night?” 

“Yeah, I’d been working on it from the time I left the shop last night to the time you got home,” she said. “I’ve been over it what feels like a million times. It’s perfect, I know it, just–Yusei, don’t worry about it,” 

“You get up early to work on it again?” 

She looked exasperated at his perseverance. “Couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you so I got up–about four,” 

It was now 7:30. Yusei had slept like a rock, curled himself around her and hadn’t even bothered to notice if she was feeling anxious. Certainly he should’ve seen it–

“Stop that,” Akiza said. “I didn’t want you to worry. I can see you beating yourself up,” 

“I just came home, didn’t even ask you what you were doing,” Yusei said. “I just took you away from your computer–” 

“You were tired,” she interrupted. “Don’t worry about it,” 

They were silent again, staring at each other. 

“Why are you so worried about it Akiza?” Yusei asked after a moment. 

“Professor’s uptight and this is work a third of my grade,” she said. 

Yusei could see why she’d lose sleep over that. 

“Over a third, actually. Thirty-five percent. I was complaining to Carly about professors that are lazy and don’t want to grade more than a few assignments, but that doesn’t get the work done,” she huffed. 

Her cup joined his on the counter, and soon her cheek was pressed against his sternum, her arms wrapping around his waist. “Yusei,” 

“Yeah, ‘kiza?” 

“I’m terrified it’s not enough,” 

His hands slid down her cardigan. What could he say? What could he say to convince her she would be fantastic, that the work she’d put in would pay off, that it’d be all worth it in the end? As Akiza whimpered out his name through the beginnings of tears, his heart wrenched–it’d been so very long since he’d had to hear her cry–and suddenly saying something didn’t seem like enough. 

In a moment he’d feel bad for disturbing the perfectly pinned crown braid, but presently he didn’t care, the only thing that mattered was tilting her head back, pressing a kiss to her lips. A noise of surprise came from her, he could feel her jump at the ferocity at which his lips moved, accidentally scraping her bottom lip with his teeth, running his tongue over the spot as an apology. Slowly, slowly she relaxed, her palms laying flat on his back, fingers digging in as she reciprocated, standing on her tiptoes to press back against him. 

Yusei was never good with words, wouldn’t pretend to be, but he hoped that she could feel it: his love, his belief in her, not just in school but for the future, that he would be there to comfort her, that she could tell him anything, that she didn’t need to worry about bothering him. Maybe one day he’d be eloquent enough to say this to her, but this would have to do for now. 

She dropped back on to her heels, opening her eyes, the slightest smudge of mascara on the corner of her eye. He wiped it away, accidentally poking her in the eye, apologizing as she giggled at his clumsiness. 

“Should I come watch you?” he asked. 

“You want to leave cars for books?” she giggled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. 

“Gonna cheer you on,” he said. 

Akiza smiled, her eyes shining with the remnants of unshed tears. “In that case, help me practice. Put on some clothes, handsome, we’re going to school,” 

[survivenovascotia]

Episode 3 - AHHHHH -Heather

I hate Tiktok dances. Im not in shape enough for this but like 150 pts is 150 pts

So I come back from Oak Island and Kevin has been voted out. Excuse me but what? Kevin of all people. The dude was great in challenges and a loyal person. But apparently Sunshine and John said he’d be too controlling at a swap and possibly had an idol? What kind of lame ass excuse is that at the second tribal council? Darcy, Mac and Kyle were all in favour of keeping Kevin over Jessie. Which means that Sunshine, John and Dan have some kind of alliance going on there. I don’t imagine Jessie is really aligned with them and probably only worked with them to keep herself safe. I don’t blame her at all. However, we’re probably going to lose this next challenge (partly because of me throwing it oops) which isn’t the worst thing in the world. If Darcy, Mac, Kyle and myself all stick together, and none of us go to Oak Island (Kyle and myself can’t), the four of us would have the majority to vote out any of the other three who don’t go to Oak Island. And as of right now, I think John and Sunshine still feel like I’m on their side. So I’m a little bit in the middle right now. I’ve got my fingers crossed everyone else on the tribe can pull together a win but a whole ass person not submitting for this is definitely a huge disadvantage for us.

In my opinion, one of the most important things to be aware of while playing survivor is your threat level. You can't exactly be too big of a threat or else you'll get voted out, and you also can't be too little of a threat or else you'll just get taken to the end, or be seen as an easy vote. This is why the meat shield strategy is one of the best ways to play survivor; be a threat, but never the biggest threat. However, I'm not playing the meat shield strategy right now, because quite frankly I don't feel like I need to. I'm so under everyone's radar, that I don't see myself going home anytime soon. Also, since this is my first time playing, it's hard to get a read on who really is a meat shield and who isn't. However, I'll be sure to make big moves; just not too many to get targeted over anyone else.

IDK WHO IS SITTING OUT BUT SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE SITTING OUT AND I THOUGHT WAS SITTING OUT IS IN. IDK IF THERE IS TIME BUT I AM THE BIG ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS CHALLENGE NOW.

AHHHHH

Kevin going home was upsetting for me. Sunshine, Jessie, Dan and John are dead to me. I need to convince Keegan to join myself, Darcy and Kyle if any of us are gonna get anywhere in this game. I didn’t search for the idol yesterday because I was feeling sick and was upset with Kev leaving. I just don’t wanna go back to tribal. Otherwise I’ll be saying a few words at tribal.

I am very nervous for this challenge. Evan hasn't done anything so far , but if we lose, we need him as a number so we are stuck in a sticky situation. Livingston a while ago thought you only had to do a select few and I am worried because I don't want to lose  a challenge I worked so hard for just because people won't try. I hate having a for the tribe mentality because like I don't want to seem like a challenge threat but its more we have to work together and get as many points as humanly possible.

ok so this tribe turned into a literal mess. So i said i wanted to sit out of the challenge because i didn't have a lot of the items, and then i got ignored by like two members of the tribe which meant I was doing the challenge and evan and coco were sitting out. Honestly, I'm livid that I was ignored by people because that I take personally. I could care less about the challenge, even though I know i'd get like 6 points because i have papers and stuff to do. Luckily, we figured things out and evan is doing the challenge. If we win, awesome, but if we lose, I definitely have a couple people on my list. Luckily though, I'm in a 5 person alliance with Heather, Austin, Evan and Coco. That makes me feel safe at this specific time in the game, but I can't help but wonder who we will all vote for if we go to tribal tomorrow.

The dynamics right now are absolutely hilarious let’s breakdown: Heather: is currently having a panic attack bc this challenge is a mess & literally no one knows what they’re doing Eric: says ‘I’m not doing this’ then dips for like 20 hours. Evan & Coco are confirmed as sit outs, Eric gets mad at the hosts for some reason, & then forces himself to sit out. Evan: was confirmed as a sit out, dips for 20 hours because he thinks he’s not doing anything, comes back like ‘wait what’ & is hella salty Livingston: didn’t know that each person had to individually post everything Glo: is a angel her videos are killing me she is the comedic relief during these dark times. She also suggests we have one person go TWICE & have 3 sit outs LMAO Me: fucking cackling anytime anyone speaks in a passive aggressive tone We were supposed to be the tribe that loves each other now look what happened  

It honestly feels horrible not submitting a damn thing for a challenge because I am certain we’re going to lose because of it. But I don’t want to try my best in the challenge and have us still lose and then lose my vote at tribal. It’s just not worth it. On the plus side, even if we do lose the challenge Darcy, Kyle and Mac are all pretty down to blindside Sunshine for being snakey. So unless they change their mind right away and decide to axe me I should be in a good position.

My legs are sore and I made TIKTOKS to win by over 1000. Im..... I was gonna set a plan to get Livingston out but I mean I guess

We lost the challenge, surprise surprise. By a heck of a lot so I’m hella glad I accept the Oak Island challenge and didn’t submit for the challenge. It wouldn’t have even mattered. So we lose the challenge and shout our ho hums in tribe chat before it dies and everyone disperses to their quiet hidey holes to scheme against each other. And lo and behold Dan has immediately thrown my name out for not submitting in the challenge. Because I alone was the reason we lost. Whatever. Darcy is going under cover with Sunshine and Dan right now, Kyle is trying to act like a free agent and I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs wondering why the minority of Sunshine, Dan and John aren’t approaching the one person who wasn’t at all involved in the Kevin tribal. They honestly aren’t that smart if they’re straight up ignoring the one impartial person. Whatever. I wouldn’t actually vote with them since they voted out Kevin who was fantastic and useful. (#RevengeForKevin). Also, since I completed my Oak Island challenge I now have an extra vote I can use up until the final 5! I shouldn’t have to use it this tribal, thankfully. It will probably come in handy during a swap!

Is this what its like to be on a successful tribe? So unused to this. This gives me time to think and bond more. I’m thinking my first instinct to be threatened by glo and aim for her was wrong, it might make more sense to get her onside and use her both as a shield but also as a scapegoat for targetting others? We’ll see. Still good with Heather and Austin as a core three, and Livingston and Chips would be a good pair to link with if needed. Hopefully if swap comes I’m with some of them.

I’m crying at the fact we killed at. Like all of us were actually scared of losing & arguing & causing chaos & it was all for nothing & it’s AMAZING Also glo is scaring me she’s getting clingy she’s like “you wouldn’t miss me if we swapped” and I’m like what she’s like “tehe I was JOKING silly 😜” and like. I’m sorry what. Maybe I’m overreacting but that type of language makes me v uncomfy. Ion know that really off put me I’m gonna take a break from socializing. I’m pretty sensitive to behavior like that so I feel like it’s healthy to distance

Birch and Tawni really sat there being like, yall won stop trying. I thought we were up for competition. Oh Well. I had fun!! We love scavenger hunts

Me, Kyle, Keegan and Darcy are a good 4. With Jessie going to Oak Island that leaves Sunshine, Dan and John vulnerable. Keegan shared to me that he won an Extra Vote at Oak Island, which he hasn’t shared with Kyle and (maybe) not Darcy. I’m worried because I feel like I’m the 4th and not the 1st. Kyle admitted Kevin was his closest ally. My idol hunt is going alright. Definitely progress made.

To Kyle, if you’re ever reading these one day. I take back everything I said. You are awesome.

Fuck losing every challenge so far that’s all I have to say

I’m not sure if I’m feeling sick because I’m just sick or it’s the stress from this vote. I don’t want to be out this early. I can’t be out this early. If Kyle, Darcy and Mac can be trusted then I’m definitely safe and John is going home. I think I can trust them. I hope I can trust them. Why are we playing so damn hard so early in this game? Everyone needs to chill out or we’ll end up like Matsing.

Going to tribal I feel safe but nervous about what will happen in the aftermath. My group of 4 are pretty chill and not budging. Bye John.

No Swap, Thank God!! I think im fairly decent at this type of challenge. I won an individual immunity in this challenge once but idk how ill do with a tribe.

Oh my god my alliance is now in control! Yeah boi. Sunshine being HELLA QUIET after John’s boot was spooky but, I mean, he can’t complain since he did the exact same thing last vote. My problem now is not being the 4th member of the alliance. I’m scared that people will see me as riding coattails. I mean controlling the idol hunt is a cute look.

Our tribe was on a roll and had won 2 challenges in a row. I was starting to get busy taking care of my crush, and because of this, I had to sit out. However, apparently two people stated they were sitting out before I did. But the thing is, I never knew that. So I decided to disconnect from skype for the day to be with the one I love. However, I turn on skype the next day, and I'm bombarded with messages telling me to do the challenge. This really overwhelmed me, but then I realized it was an opportunity. 

Glo realized how much of a sticky situation I was in, and she came to my help, and told me she would be with me until I finish it if she needs to. Ultimately I wouldn't have been able to finish the challenge if she hadn't helped me. She also played it up as if I stepped up for the team last second and made an impact. I still can't tell if she did this from the goodness of her heart, or if she did it for strategic reasons. But, I do think it was moreso strategic, because she did mention that after she helped me as much as she did, that we would have to be aligned. So because of that, her actions don't really mean as much to me as it should, and I will take out Glo if it's necessary and beneficial for my game.

[aaaaaalex531]

Ayo! Long time no see!!

Heyy~

I’ve been actually using this school break to play a bit and to kinda distract myself from dysphoria and stress in general since I’m at home.

So this is quite the highlights that happened trough theses days I haven’t posted:

-I ordered an r4 (which is a game full of games for nintendo) and it will probably arrive tomorrow and im so ready to play Zelda and Pokemon again in a clean and all funcioning nintendo bc geez the one that my cousing lend me smells like drugs.

-I came out to my mom as bisexual “accidentally” and she didn’t take it that well and its kind of ignoring that I did? Oh well, now because of that, I’m not longer allowed to have sleepovers at my girl friends house of even hangout with them which is so fucking dumb im literally so mad what if she even thinking about? Dude wtffffffffff shes crazy.

-In general my dysphoria has been really cool tbh, ofc there were days that i would feel like complete shit all i wanted to do was dig a huge hole and throw myself but unfortunately I don’t have a shovel, but I bet that when school starts again imma cry everyday, my mind will feel wasted and its going to be a mess ugh all I wanted was to be cis ://////

-So apparently, my mom is taking me with her friends to have dinner in a restaurant and I’m like really anxious and feeling out of place and she’s only doing that because of womans day. And i have to go. To celebrate. Womans. Day. I mean yeah girl power yall are so fucking gorgeous and deserve everything in the world all the rights and literally everything bUT IM NOT A GIRL AND THEY WANT ME TO GO WITH THEMM ugh i wish i was out already, i wish i was on T, i wish i had top surgery like literally just thinking of the dinner in general makes me uncomfortable they’re going to talk about how they are woman and proud and ill be there like: :) yea! Womans woohoo im so proud! Cool! Yehaww. Idk dudes i just hope that my mom wont want me all girly and produced for that dinner bcs bitch imma go as masc as i can duh.

I guess that’s pretty much it? Idk tbh my mind forgets things easily but yeah, I kinda liked the idea of the hightlights of the week so maybe I’ll do thay every week instead of writing every day, idk I’ll figure out later! Now I guess I’m gonna sleep? Idk tho, also this may seem really really disgusting but I’ve been with my fake binder for like 2 days? Idk I just feel so comfortable waking up this past days and not seeing those things or not feeling them at all, tomorrow i will take a shower and ofc i will wash them but geez it feels just so nice really.

I’m going now! Byee

[fourlynchclover]

1-100

1. What's your middle name, and do you like it? marie, it’s fine it’s just a basic white girl middle name lmao

2. are you artistic? uhhh no lmao 

3. Have you had your first kiss? yes. unfortunately. 

4. What is your life goal? i want a big ass house a bae and some more dogs

5. Do you have any expieriences with a famous person? if youtubers count then yes vidcon as a whole 

6. Do you play any sports? i played baseball for 10 years but not anymore lmao

7. What's your worst fear? dolls

8. Who's your biggest inspiration? melissa mccarthy

9. Do you have any cool talents? i dont think so actually lmao

10. are you a morning person? fuck no

11. How do you feel about pet names? theyre cuuuute

12. Do you like to read? yes but also im lazy 

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life. i. dont know if any shows have changed my life 

14. Do you care about your follower count? not really im just here. chillin

15. What's the best dream you've had? i have no idea i dont remember a lot of my dreams lmao 

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? yes

17. Do you have any pets? yes i have two dogs and a hamster lmao 

18. Are you religious? no 

19. Are you a people person? no

20. Are you considered popular? probably not i dont know. anyone 

21. What is one of your bad habits? crackin my knuckles 

22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerable? uhhh. i have no idea actually 

23. What would you name your children? victoria lynn and michael patrick 

24. Who's your celebrity crush? melissa mccarthy lmao 

25. What's your best subject? like in school?? idk english 

26. Dogs or cats? dogs

27. most used social media besides tumblr? snapchat 

28. best friends name? bella 

29. who does your main family consist of? my mom dad brother and sister really 

30. Chocolate or sugar? chocolate

31. have you ever been on a date? not officially

32. Do you like rollercosters? YES

33. Can you swim? yes i am a mermaid

34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse? die

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder? depression anxiety bipolar and probably . more 

36. Are your parents together? no

37. What's your favourite colour? blue 

38. What country are you from/do you live in? usa usa usa usa

39. Favourite singer? adele 

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? probably not but maybe 

41. Do you like dresses? no. not at all 

42. Favourite song right now? in my feelings by lana del rey

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? not at all

44. How old were you when you first got your period? i think i was 11

45. Have you ever shot a gun? a nerf gun lmao

46. Have you ever done yoga? not officially 

47. Are you a horror girl? YES

48. Are you good at giving advice? probably not 

49. Tell us a story about your childhood. my family used to have a camp up in the woods and it was where i got drunk for the first time and it was. a lot lmao 

50. How are you doing today? i’m a lil anxious but im fine lmao

51. Were you a cute kid? YEAH

52. Can you dance? no lmao

53. Is there anything you do that you can't remember ever not doing? i have no idea

54. Have you ever dyed your hair? i mean its blue rn so 

55. What colour are your eyes? brown. ew 

56. What's your favourite animal? POLAR BEARS

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? i dont. think so

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? i think so

59. Do you have good friends? YES I LOVE YALL

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? literally everyone im friends with

61. What's your favourite class? english was

62. List all the tv shows you are watching - pretty little liars is literally the only show im watching

63. Are you organized? not. at all. 

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? moana it was good 

67. Which tv character do you relate to most? molly flynn 

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness? anxiety and money 

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing? TRAVELING AND MEETING ALL MY INTERNET BBIES 

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? i have no idea wtf 

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? i dont know lmao 

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently? every fucking thing

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one? probably yes

74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new? in june i went to california it was lit

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind? my bedroom lmao

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today? i posted some videos of my dogs on snapchat. i need to go viral and be famous

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid? a teacher 

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking? honestly. i dont know 

79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have? thursday and last monday .,,

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence. i dont fuckin know tho 

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like? I HAVE NO IDEA 

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity? probs fallin in love an gettin heartbroken lmao 

83. How would you spend a billion dollars? i have no fucking clue

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? future

85. What motivates you to succeed? nothing lmaooo

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? i. dont know

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? WOODS WOODS WOODS WOODS

88. Do you believe in life after death? yes

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? none of them honestly lmao 

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? i dont even know if i have one

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why MELISSA MCCARTHY I JUST WANNA . SEE HER. HEAR HER VOICE IN PERSON

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? idk i do that a lot lmao

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? i dont. know

94. What do you think happens after we die? anything tbh 

95. What would you do if you would be invisible? free travelling and lots of stealing lmao

96. What's something you can't do no matter how hard you try? express. feelings ???? 

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? YES LIKE THE SIMS IRL 

98. How did your first crush develop? i dont fuckin remember 

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? anxiety 

100. Do you live or do you just exist? im just out here floatin through space yall idk whats goin on