#ya gurl has fucking covid

[asiananeurysm]

🙃🙃🙃

[bakedlilbae]

tw: abuse, toxic relationship, covid

Wow. Almost an entire year has passed since I had covid last November.

Almost an entire year has passed since he manipulated me back into a relationship with him, so he could “just make sure I got better” and “take care of me”, knowing I had no roommates or family close.

Almost an entire year has passed since he started also using monetary manipulation, sending me $1,000 here and there like it’s nbd.

He lured me in, love bombed the fuck out of me, then attempted to trap me. It worked until about February.

I have come so far in the past 8 months, yet his horrible words still play in my mind, they have become my brain’s self talk, and I can’t. escape. Memories still pop up of me hiding in the closet upstairs, crying until he’d eventually give up and stop screaming at me. Memories of him calling the cops on me over & over because I “wouldn’t leave his house” in the middle of the night (where I also lived at the time) bc he decided to drunkenly rage. Those times he poured freezing water on my face while I was asleep. The time he gave me a black eye, then slipped in some water (that he threw at me & my computer) then tried to say I broke his fucking rib. But most of all: the gun. This memory has stuck with me so vividly it almost feels as though it happened yesterday.

Ya gurl has some (serious) trauma and fuck I think I need to get back into therapy asap.

[amc-thoughts]

12 March 2021

wow...... its weird that i read my past journals and i remember the emotions i felt during those times. im honestly glad i wrote these journals as a way to remind me of such hard times. tbh im crying rn bc it was so sad...... summer 2019 abigail... u were just one sad bitch let me tell u 😂😂😂 its funny i can laugh at myself now bc now way did i ever think i would get to this point in my life... 2021 abigail vs 2019 abigail are two different people experiencing different points in their lives... isnt it just funny the way life works??? i find it quite amusing but i supposed thats how life is.... life has a funny way of teaching us things and im glad everything happened to me. break ups, break ups with ur friends LMAO, traveling to a foreign country, corona virus (who would have known huh anyways fuck rona).

tbh idek what im writing.... im kinda just typing whatever comes into my head.... umm currently ur in ur dorms crying in the dark bc u remember how worthless ur past self was feeling... what a crazy time.. i have not cried like this in a while.. which is fine. i am human lol. i guess a part of me just feels lonely... i think i just get sad time to time bc i wish i had a bf HAHA to put things plainly... i miss feeling excited/get butterflies for a stupid boy ... with covid and everything life is just hard to meet ppl... being at hufs and having my classes be online suckssssss. i wish i could meet my classmates and make more friends. but gradually i am getting there ☺️ i met celia today so woohoooo she was fun.

i guess i think in the back of my head how nice it would be to have a bf but rlly having a bf isnt everythinggggg like yes i could die single than to be with a toxic ass boy

***********

me: lol gurl u kno ur type is toxic

also me: gurl u right 🤪

HAHAHAHAHA

***********

i say i want a bf but opening up to a boy is so scary!!!!!!! wtf!!!!! how would i even know a boy here??? i cant go on tinder bc im too shy!!!!! scared!!!! i dont wanna go on a date and he kills me!!! ok i know that was being dramatic but hehe.... i know things usually happen when u least expect it so imma just chilllll.. vibe u kno... haha thats how i have been lately. u just a cool bitch and im PROUD OF YOU!!! me 2 me im proud of u bitch!!! u were so sad and pathetic but now u glow’d up!! look at u makin moves here in koreaaaa!! who else is traveling during a pandemic???? like u badass gorl hype ya self up!!! dont feel sad for urself anymore!!!! (thank u <3 ㅋㅋㅋ)

talking to myself like this makes me feel better. i get to just sit here and self reflect and its nice. i constantly push my worries to the side but u gotta talk about it sometimes

~ in ur letter to shitty ex bf u thanked him but in this letter i want u to thank YOU bitch! thank urself for getting this far in life and doing things you always wanted to do. you’re in a different country for COLLEGE!! thats so excitimg!!! go u!!!! ur so hard working and loving!!! keep being urself bc ppl will only love you for your personality and you will attact what you put out!!!

you’re a different person now....

2021 abigail 🤝 2019 abigail

time to be excited for what is yet to come ☺️ we never know what tomorrow will bring us but we should not let fear consume us and hinders what awaits us ✨✨