#y'all made a two party system and now you gotta work with it

[zehecatl]

.

[an-aura-about-you]

you ever have a fanfic you know you're not gonna write but the ideas keep bouncing around in your head so you gotta do an infodump somewhere?

that's what we're doing today so here we go: TMA fic I'll never write in which Somewhere Else is Lunar (during the events of Lunar 2)

(or "gee Leo, how come you get to hunt down two destroyers?")

-ngl I've been thinking about this ever since I started reading clutching a map of dreams, which is a fantastic Final Fantasy X fusion au and y'all should go read it even if you don't know a thing about ffx because the characterization and action is superb

-I likewise have some cherished RPGs from my youth and one in particular clicks with this like no other

-I'd start it out some time before canon gets going, but not too far out. just far enough that we've got a little bit of time for the boys to acclimate to the world they've found themselves in before the action starts.

-start with Jon, who wakes up and is surprised to do so. holy shit, he made it! they made it! wait where's Martin? wait is he in some kind of carriage?

-turns out Jon was found by the caravan that sets up the carnival in the Madoria Plains. This Causes Some Concern, at least until he realizes he's not restrained in any way and nobody's setting off Stranger Vibes.

-also Jon feels???? way better than he probably should have considering he just got stabbed???? and that's how he learns that magic (aka RPG mechanics) are in play

-(debating on whether he grows his ribs back or not. I'm inclined to say they did just because That Shit's Funny.)

-first big hurdle actually comes from learning Lunar is Lunar and not Earth. first time he goes outside and sees the Blue Star he nearly has a breakdown then and there. (that is the Earth that is the Earth in the sky I am looking at the Earth which means I'm NOT on Earth what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck)

-eventually he does manage to adjust and make friends with the musicians. operating on The Mechanisms were Jon's Band in Uni rules, he's able to contribute that way.

-he and Jean become sibling-like friends. (she's like, "Hey, I'm not the newest member anymore!") neither learns the full scope of the other's past until considerably later, though. (Once they do, they're like, "Hey, both of us were orphans that found our family later!")

-he discovers that he's retained some of his powers as an avatar of Beholding but under Lunar's magic system rules, as well as develop some new abilities such as making himself invisible. he's relieved that he has more control over whether he compels information out of others.

-(he's not entirely sure how he feels about Althena, but he would rather choose her over the Ceaseless Watcher as far as sources of power go.)

-so Jon's there with the caravan when our intrepid party of heroes show up having adjusted as well as one can over the course of, say, a few months.

-holy shit Lucia has the Lonely coming off of her in waves. Jon is seriously concerned that she might become a catalyst for some Forsaken ritual.

-Jon finds that baby dragons are utterly adorable and is grateful that he's not prone to baby-talk around cats and things that look like cats, thus earning Ruby's respect.

-after Jean leaves with the party, Jon decides to take his leave on his own, now confident enough in his abilities on Lunar to try to find Martin.

-except when everyone goes to town, they find some wanted posters. one for Lucia and her party, and one for Jon.

-"wtf why is Leo calling Jon a destroyer????" vs "how tf did he know I'm a destroyer?????"

-Jon gets captured by Leo and jailed in the Dragonship Destiny a couple of times as well as an attempt at Lemina's Magic Mansion and an encounter with Ghaleon, the last of these setting off all kinds of alarm bells because Ghaleon Very Much Should Be Dead. ("Is he connected to Terminus?")

-the last time Jon's captured by Leo, he breaks out of his cell and tries to escape at Azado, but That Doesn't Work Out What With The City Being On Fire. (fuck this reeks of Desolation)

-but also oh hey Jean, Lemina, and Lucia are tied up on the deck of the Dragonship Destiny what's up guys? oh cool, Leo went with Hiro, Ronfar, and Ruby to take care of the fire, that will give us time to escape.

-This doesn't get very far because it's not long after that when Mauri shows up for her confrontation. Then Leo and the rest of the party join in. AND THEY HAVE MARTIN WITH THEM!

-Jon is ecstatic! Whatever fight they have with Obvious Desolation Avatar Mauri, they can manage it now that he's found Martin! Except that Martin seems to know Leo? AND Mauri???? And HE was the one who told Althena's Guard that Jon is a destroyer???????

-Jon's got a lot to think about on the way to Pentagulia.

-But also they've got some time on a boat so it's time for stories to come out. (including Ronfar and Jon both being puzzled about how their SOs know each other and other members of the party thinking they have to explain homosexuality to Lucia but she's just confused about why they're bothering to explain this when no one's thought to explain heterosexuality to her.)

-this also means Jon's finally up to speed with what the player would know at this point: entity called Zophar trying to destroy Lunar, Lucia's here to stop him, the campaign Zophar engineered against Lucia, what's the deal with Althena's Chosen (with the additional sting of them informing Jon that Martin was wearing the garb of one of their priests)

-at some point there's a talk between Jon and Lucia and he ends up understanding what's at stake far better than Lucia anticipated he would. it's a nice little friendship moment.

-They arrive at Pentagulia and it's time to split up the party for everyone to make their appointments with their plot threads, which means Jon's semi-tagging along with Ronfar as they go to the Red Tower to confront Martin and Mauri respectively. It goes about as well as people who know the game expect it to, with Martin speaking to Jon as if everything is normal, that this is the way things have always been for them, and that nothing has changed between them. (but there was one moment with a break when Jon, as a last resort, compels Martin to tell him what's happening. In lieu of any actual answers, Martin gives him a horrified look and begs him to leave while he still can.)

-once that plot matter is wrapped up in the canon way (with Jon being courteous enough to not comment on how Mystere is obviously Leo), it's time to regroup and try a different approach. in this time, Jon receives a letter from Martin.

-let's back up to before the story begins one more time

-Martin wakes up in Raculi. only the problem is he was already up and moving when he comes to.

-turns out he was found by the Chosen and cleansed (that is, made to drink Zophar's blood) before he came to. and now he's working as an assistant to Lady Mauri

-he wakes up in time to hear himself tell Mauri about Jon and how he's already destroyed one world, fighting to stop himself but physically unable to.

-from this point on, Martin's been a prisoner in his own body, watching as he helps Mauri "cleanse" the sinful with fire and blood, struggling to get his body back under his own control. but it's no use. he's a vessel for Zophar.

-he writes down as much of this as he can in the letter to Jon in the brief moments he can actually control his hands, finishing it by telling Jon that he's sorry, he loves him, but should they meet again Jon should mercy kill him because otherwise he might not be able to stop his body from killing Jon.

-(the reason Martin's able to write and send it at all is because Zophar delights in that kind of torment)

-there would also be a scene with Jon discussing these things with Leo, who is more certain about taking fatal action if need be, and through compulsion Leo admits he is terrified at the idea of striking down Mauri because, even though they aren't as close as they were and she's done horrible things, she's still his sister and he still loves her.

-Jon goes to Raculi with Leo because Leo was ready to kill both Mauri and Martin, and Jon isn't sure if he can actually go through with it but tells Leo that if Martin must die then Jon should honor Martin's implied wish that it be by his hand.

-in a one-on-one fight that proves challenging since Martin is armed with a flail, Jon ends up non-fatally incapacitating Martin while the party fights Mauri's Id. by the time the fight is over, the effects of Zophar's blood wear off and Martin is back in control of himself. cue proper tearful reunion.

-with Mauri also free from the influence of Zophar's blood, she apologizes to Martin for what she did to him. having been in the same situation, Martin understands and forgives her.

-the three of them, Jon, Martin, and Mauri, all stay in Raculi as the party moves on to mount their attack against Zophar. when Zophar starts getting the upper hand, Jon is reasonably concerned it will become another Fear Apocalypse because everything about what he's told indicates that Zophar and the Fears are one and the same.

-in a fit of impulsiveness, Jon proposes to Martin in this time. ("I've already seen one apocalypse with you! I don't want to go through another with the regret of leaving that undone!") Mauri finds a couple of old bracelets of hers to stand in as wedding bands and marries them then and there.

-when the world is inevitably saved with the power of humanity, Jon and Martin get a nice little house in Dalton so they can be close to both where the carnival likes to set up and Raculi where Mauri and Ronfar live. (also there's a hot spring nearby, which, yeah, when you hit the age Jon and Martin are, you want to live by something like that)

-they go out on the occasional adventure, a much more peaceful prospect now that they no longer have the threat of Zophar or the Fears looming over them.

-Jon eventually brings Martin to meet everyone in the carnival, who properly give Jon shit for running off and getting married without telling them and tell Martin about all the pining Jon did for him.

-when they catch wind of Hiro wanting to go to the Blue Star to reunite with Lucia, they're like, "That's crazy but in good conscience we should encourage you because she's Lonely AF and her being the only person on the Blue Star isn't helping with that."

-and they all live happily ever after the end!

[theficplug]

Girls Trip {Erik fic}

Warnings: 18+, smut.

{reader goes on a cruise with her girls during winter break post-breakup & meets Erik when she needs him most. The intro to a series. I hope that y'all enjoy this long ass intro x}

“Told you you'd like it! We know what you need.” your friend Lynelle says as you and your other 2 best friends step into the lobby of the ship.

Your original plan was to stay home and catch up on much needed sleep and netflix binge watching during Winter Break but Khadijah, Tasha , and Lynelle (Lennie)  had other plans.

They could never get on the same page to go on a proper vacation but the one time you wanted to be left alone they've decided to get it together. 

2 plane rides and now you're here on a cruise on the way to 'paradise'.

The last few weeks went by in a blur while you were buying bikinis, trying to contain your emotions, and leaving behind your frozen over city for Bali.

You'd be lying if you said that you weren't a little excited to be leaving behind a terrible end to a 4 year relationship.

“Girl I just paid 12 dollars for Netflix this month. I planned on staying home and re-watching The Get Down. I need to at them and ask them when they're gonna add Crooklyn." You say as your phone begins to go off. 

"Uh-uh, just cause your man had community dick don't mean you gotta feel like you did something wrong. You are the sweetest and most caring person I know and gave everything you had for that man. You are a strong beautiful talented black woman. You run your own business and don't need his ass for nothing. And if I were into girls I would've been shot my shot back in the 7th grade. Now, we gon' get tipsy, dance the night away in 23$ dollar heels, and find a fine ass beard to rid-"

You quickly cut off your best friend by answering your mother's call. You held onto Khadi's hand to let her know that her support means everything to you.

"Hey Mama. Yes I made it safe and sound." You say into the phone as you shake your head and laugh at your girls. 

"HEY MA " Khadi says waving as she smiles at the woman on the other side of the phone she's known for over half her life. 

"Hello Khadijah, are you behaving yourself ?" She asks as Khadi shakes her head with her tongue sticking out.

"MY GIRL." Your mother says as they both laugh and point at each other through the screen. 

"I'll talk to you later, enjoy yourself baby. Sometimes a little fun and laughter is the cure for heartache. Love you, be safe." She says before ending the video call.

"Alright , we all meeting up for the foam pool party after the tour right? Cause I need to shower and stuff first." You say as everybody agrees

An hour or two later you were standing in front of the hotel mirror giving yourself a pep talk in your new bikini. You eyed your reflection as you tell yourself that somebody son is gonna love on your fupa, and the 3 years wasted with Derrick isn't going to matter anymore. 

"Knees. Knees. Come on knees." Khadijah yells as Lennie and Tasha  drop it low and make it clap as a chorus of 'ayyeeee' erupts in the elevator. 

You make your way down to the lobby with the girls after throwing back a few shots in Lennie's room. You past by a group of other girls in the elevator and they were blasting Cash Shit from their phone. 

"Link up with us later." Paris says from the other group before moving over to the party already happening. 

The drinks are flowing through your system and Tasha is filming you for the gram as you sing along to the music. You accidentally trip backwards onto a man behind you before immediately apologizing and giggling.

"You good mama." He says as he catches you with one hand and the other still holding his drink. Without missing a beat he twirls you to the beat so that you can play it off. 

"What's the nigga name?" He asks as he takes another sip of his drink and tries to act like he ain't see you watching the suds slide down his scarred and chiseled chest to his happy trail.  

"Excuse me?" You ask confused as he flashes his gold fanged grill and cock his head towards the phone in Tasha's hand as she gives you a quiet  'oooh shit okay'. 

"The one you tryna prove a point to. Only name that matters now though is Erik." He says as he grinds against you and move your braids to your other shoulder. 

"Alright Erik, lemme see if you can keep up then." You tease him as you begin to whine on him and ride the beat as he keeps up behind you. You realize you have an audience now with his boys glancing over at you and your girls watching him. 

His hand holds you in place before he asks if it's alright if he kissed you. You nod before you know it his soft ass lips are on yours. He pulls at your bottom lip slightly while you continue to whine on him. 

"Thank you for the dance." You say before you place one final kiss to his lips as the song ends.

You walk over to Tasha before grabbing her hand and leaving to find Lennie and Khadijah 

You knew he was still standing there watching you walk away you turned to give him a look over your shoulder with a raised brow.

"Stop watching my booty" you mouth at him jokingly 

"YOU CAN'T EVEN BLAME ME. ITS FAT AS FUCK." He yells back to you over the music.

After an hour of dancing and having a good time with friends you only checked your phone once to find 3 messages from Derrick begging you to call him then two talking about how disappointed he was with you.

You stepped out onto the upper deck to tell him to stop calling you and ruining your good time. 

"I can do what I want. I'm fucking grown. All you ever did was sit at home on your ass and criticize me for every damn thing I did. I made sure you were happy when I wasn't even okay… And fucking my cousin was your way of showing me you loved me huh? Don't call me no more and stop calling my mama asking her about me too. " You yell into the phone before hanging up.

You stand there staring out at the ocean for a moment. Trying to breathe deeply and ground yourself so that you don't cry.

"You good?" You hear a voice call from behind you.

"What, you following me now?" You ask Erik as he pulls up one of the lounge chairs to sit next to you and light his blunt. 

"Nah, not at all. I came out here to smoke and chill. All that going on in there really ain't my scene. My boys got me to come here. They got white boys in there doing backflips off the balcony and shit. I probably would've still been at work right now." He say as he exhales and leans back against the lounge chair. 

You laugh softly before shaking your head. 

"That's how I ended up here. I was planning on spending Christmas and The New Year at home with my family. But my friends had this surprise for me to ring in the new year in Bali. And now here I am. I'd still rather be watching Godfather of Harlem. I gotta catch up." You say sitting next to him in the lounge chair. He instinctively wraps his arm around you letting you lay your head on his shoulder.

Granted, it probably seemed weird as hell to be cuddling with somebody you just met and barely knew but to both of you it just felt right in the moment.

"Godfather of Harlem ? That show is my shit. It's slept on forreal… If you ever in Oakland you should stop by sometime. I run a museum based on preserving black art and culture." He scrolls on his phone until he finds some of the pieces and shows it to you. But the main thing that stood out was Stevens Black Art & History: for the culture. 

"Erik Stevens?" You gasp and sit up to get a good look at him

"Yeah , why you looking like that? What's up?" He questions

"Oh my fucking God. We was best friends back in the day. It's me, look, minus the bifocals, braces, and that James Brown bob my mama gave me damn near every day." You say and he stares at you in awe for a second. 

"Damn it's really you." You says quietly as he runs his thumb over your cheek imagining you the way you looked in 5th grade.

You loved Erik growing up and spent almost all of your time together but after his father died you didn't get to say goodbye. He was taken into the system and after that you heard that he was in the military doing who knows what. You tried to find him but after a while it was no use. You couldn't believe how different he looked now. He looked tired down by the woes of life but still as beautiful as the day you met him.

" 'Member this?" You ask as you fish your out of the pocket of your cover-up and start playing Best Friend by 50 Cent. 

You watched as he looked up at you standing up to dance. You pull him up too as he puts out the blunt while laughing and stepping with you. 

"If I was your best friend, I want you 'round all the time. Can I be your best friend, if you promise you'll be mine?" You sing to him as he twirls you around 

"First we get the talkin, then we get the touchin. If we get pass the phone games we'll be fuckin. I kiss like the french therefore my tongue in your ear. Do it like the dogs do it girl and pull on your hair. For me a different scenery just mean a different position. In the tub or on the sink I improvise now listen. In the chopper or on the jet join the mile high club. I'm no fool I know money can't buy me love. But I'm a different type of nigga that make sure that you know. Instead of a rose, there's a hundred dozen of those. See I see somethin special when I look in your eyes. With your legs way back I see this pussy is mine. If you ain't sure when I'm talkin I don't tell you no lies. But there's things that you say that have me wonderin why. When I don't say what I'm thinkin it don't mean that I'm shy. Got on that shit you picked out for me that's why I'm so fly." He raps effortlessly while kissing softly on your neck and all those memories start flashing back to you as you sway with him.

"Damn you still remember all the lyrics to our song." You say to him as you look over to see your girls and some of his friends.

"You out here ?  Bitch! I thought I was gonna have to do an interview on First 48 for yo ass. I was gon' drop a raft over to come find you. You know I can't swim and I don't got my floaties with me." Khadi says as she walks in with Tasha and Lennie . 

"I'm sorry I came out here for fresh air and then ended up literally finding my fuckin childhood best friend. Before the baddest bitches on the planet came to be. There was THEE duo. Everybody meet Erik."

After everyone got to know each other. Y'all brought the party to the secluded little upper deck with the perfect view of the ocean. You had drinks , music, and good company almost enough to forget about the whole situation back home. 

"Girl you know I love you but my feet hurt and Sebastian said he gon' rub em" referring to the man she currently had her arms around. 

"Alright , we'll meet up in the morning for breakfast" you tell them before giving them kisses goodbye and heading out with everybody. 

Tasha and Lynelle were currently singing to each other and sharing cute kisses off to the side. You couldn't help but to smile and think of how true love must feel. To love and be fully loved back like that.

You were standing in front of your opened room door when you realized that his room is across from yours but he had no plans of sleeping in it.

"Uh-uh. Who said you were invited in?" You ask Erik with your index finger on his chest. 

"I thought you said you wanted to watch Netflix? We can order room service and everything. Whatever you want" he says to you licking his lips and closing the gap between the two of you. 

"I want to forget. I want to have fun. I want to feel loved and appreciated for once. That would be nice." You say quietly as he takes his hand in yours. Pressing small kisses to each of your knuckles.

He hesitates for a moment before leaning in to kiss you slowly. He held your face in his hands as he continued to back you into the room kicking it closed with his foot. 

 "I'm glad that we found each other. After all of this time. " You say to him in between kisses

"Believe it or not I kept that picture of us. The one your mama took of us at the zoo next to the monkeys. I took it with me on tour everywhere. Right next to my mama's picture in my wallet. I never lost a battle. I made it home in one piece. Shits wild." He said zoning out for a moment like he was going somewhere else. 

"Heyyy." You call softly. You move his hands from your waist 

" I've got you." You whisper to him before leading him to your bed and laying him back. 

You wrap your arms around him almost cuddling him as you lay your head on his chest while listening to his heartbeat and sitting on his lap. 

You place a soft kiss to his lips before moving away from the bed to change, settling on a large shirt and nothing else. 

Erik followed suit and just stripped to his boxer briefs before you come back to the bed carrying soda , your laptop, and snacks. 

"And before you ask. Yes, I packed my laptop because work never stops, and yes I packed snacks because I can't find Takis out here." You say chuckling softly while he shakes his head laughing softly. 

You both settle into a comfortable position before loading up the movie. You settled on Nappily Ever After but it wasn't long before he was softly kissing on your neck with his hand under your shirt.

"Gonna eat it from the back. That's cool with you" he mumble into your ear.

If that's cool with me? BIH, I'm trying to let you give me twins. Triplets even. Play it cool. Play it cool . You thought to yourself before saying a silent apology to your girl Sanaa Lathan as you quickly moved the laptop to the bedside table.

"Damn she pretty." He says before kissing each cheek and gripping the back of your thighs. You knew what was coming next as your hands found the headboard and arched your back.

You can feel his tongue begin to explore the back of your thighs to your folds as he bends you forward. 

You hiss softly as his hand began to roam. You looked back at him as his fingers enter you. He begins to slowly and deeply work you open for him. You knew that you were dripping at this point and couldn't contain how loud you're being.

You can hear him let out a groan as he gets his first taste. Before you know it he's devouring you like you're his favourite meal and is completely in his element. His hands are massaging over your cheeks while he suckles your clit and then slides his tongue in. You begin to work your hips down onto it as he's on his knees behind you. His fingers massaging skillfully over your clit. 

"That's how you want it? It's all for you." You egg him on shakily as you reach back to grab at his dreads knowing that you're nearing your orgasm. You thought you were seeing stars but the audacity of this man bringing his hand down hard across your left then right cheek and then the pom-pom itself, did it.

Your toes curled and your head was tilted back as you continued to ride his face and the orgasmic wave crashed over you so hard it took your breath with it. 

You called out his name speaking in all types of broken Xhosa as he begin to lap you up and savour your taste. 

When you stopped shaking he sat back on the bed, proud of himself as he licked his lips. 

You turned to face him and he wasted no time continuing to massage you.

But what you hadn't realized during changing you accidentally dialed Derrick. Who's now on the other end, yelling into the phone 

{to be continued! I hope that it was alright!}

[ask-sincerely-sea]

A rundown of the Mermaid AU

Here’s a bullet list of my Mermaid AU and most of the content I have imagined for it! These are taken from three different posts on my main blog, but for simplicity, I compiled them all here! It is long, but feel free to read and get a feel for this universe!

All the Murphys are sharks, but they’re all different types of sharks.

Science doesn’t exist in my world so don’t expect genetics and aquatic ancestry to be something that is strict. Most families tend to stay within the same family and/or genus.

Connor is a Shortfin Mako Shark.

Zoe is a Blue Shark (Fun fact: Blue Sharks are a species of Requiem Sharks).

Cynthia is a Whale Shark.

Larry is an Oceanic Whitetip Shark.

Evan and Heidi are both octopus.

Evan is a Coconut Octopus.

Heidi is a Mimic Octopus.

Alana is a Pacific White Sided Dolphin.

Jared is a White Spotted Pufferfish.

Although intelligent like humans, mermaids will exhibit behaviors akin to their aquatic ancestry.

Evan being a Coconut Octopus will hide within ocean debris as a form of camouflage. This is often triggered by spikes in anxiety, but he also uses it to avoid interaction.

Jared absolutely puffs up. It’s usually caused by elevated emotion. Sometimes he’ll puff up because he’s upset, other times he’ll accidentally cause himself to puff up just from laughing too hard.

The Murphy family is a family a predators. They all have an acute and accurate sense of smell. Larry, Connor, and Zoe are active hunters, and when they are in hunting mode it’s hard to break them out of it until they are satiated.

Merpeople do form societies and interact with each other. They don’t hunt each other and unlike their aquatic ancestors, they don’t all follow migration paths. Some merfamilies will migrate.

Now I’ll give you all the cute and fun and interesting stuff…

Connor loves to explore any wreckage he can find. He’s super fascinated by human life and loves finding shipwrecks, plane wrecks, and even leftover skeletons.

He frequents the wrecks of military vessels most often and collects dog tags from fallen soldiers. He refurbishes them as much as he can because he likes to see the names of the men and women lost.

He often spies on humans who are boating as well. Be it a wedding boat, fishermen, or just vacationers, he just loves watching them from afar. However, the moment they spot him (usually only his dorsal fin on his tail), he dives away

.Hes accidentally becomes and ocean cryptid when a group of divers got a photo of him, albeit it fuzzy/blurry.

He’s obviously not aware of human cryptid culture.

Redditors think his viral photo is photoshopped.

Zoe isn’t as curious about humans. She is curious of the sky above and loves to watch birds as they fly around and feed on fish.

She goes stargazing a lot against her parents wishes. It’s dangerous at night and her parents (and most merpeople) fear poachers.

Zoe collects starfish on her tailfins. Since they are living creatures, she always communicates with them and makes sure they are okay with it.

Connor will leave jewelry and funky human artifacts he finds in Zoe’s room. She doesn’t know Connor is the one that leaves her random items and just assumes it’s Cynthia.

Cynthia is fascinated with human artifacts and frequents a lot of merpeople who are traders for human trinkets.

However, she is terrified of humans and doesn’t dare go near them. When she was younger, she got tangled up I’m a fishing net that belonged to poachers.

Larry is also fascinated with human trinkets, but not as much as Cynthia. Being an Oceanic Whitetip, he loves the tale of the USS Indianapolis.

He and Connor used to search shipwrecks together, but they’ve since grown apart and haven’t hunted or scavenged together in a long time.

I already said a bit of this in my last post, but being a Coconut Octopus, Evan uses physical objects to hide in and behind as a form of camouflage.

Though camouflage isn’t really necessary for merpeople being that they are able to fend for themselves and create/use tools, weapons, utensils, etcetera.

Evan’s camo is more of a reflex with his anxiety. If he’s nervous, anxious, or embarrassed, he’ll find the nearest Evan-sized object and fold himself up to fit. His tentacles can fold together tightly, he just has to account for his upper body not being as flexible.

Heidi is a Mimic Octopus as uses her camo as more of a fun party tricks. Mimic Octopus are able to disguise with many backgrounds, but are also able to contort and arrange their tentacles to resemble other species.

When Evan was little, they would travel to shallow banks along islands where the sun shone through the water really brightly. She’d contort her tentacles and do little shadow puppets of other species for him on the sand.

So, Jared is a pufferfish and not a porcupine fish. He has spines, but they’re very small and thin. They usually only show up when he’s inflated.

He HATES being inflated but it’s happens a lot.

Basically any elevated emotion inflates him. He’s angry? Puff! He’s playful? Puff! He’s excited? Puff! He’s sad? Puff! He’s [redacted]? PUFF!

He doesn’t care too much about human culture, but he is aware of this cursed video. He was hanging around a boat with a bunch of spring breakers and slipped a phone for a few minutes, stumbling across Youtube. Connor thinks it’s the funniest thing ever.

Oh, yeah, so merpeople don’t have any sort of electronic technology, but some of the most curious ones will snatch devices from boats. They are aware they don’t work underwater, so it’s usually like a dramatic spy scene of mermaids hanging out by boats with phones and tablets and messing around as much as they can for five to ten minutes.

Alana is super social and during vacations from school she’ll travel with merpeople and regular aquatic life and migrate around the world.

She’s traveled literally everywhere and has been doing it since she was a child. Her whole family used to go, but now it’s just her. Her parents trust her to be alone.

Alana has come across Sea World and other marine parks with Orcas and it makes her incredibly angry. There have been a few instances where animals in captivity have… Mysteriously escaped back into the wild…

She does have a super playful side and is very curious of humans despite often having a negative judgement/attitude towards them. When she just wants to have fun or relax, she goes bow riding along the wake of boats. She’s clever enough to not be seen.

Yes, there is merpeople high school because why not.

Again, science doesn’t exist and this au honestly doesn’t have rules.So just go ham and make mermaids, y'all!

I’m still deciding on how I want to portray Miguel, but right now I’m thinking Red Lionfish or Pacific Seahorse.That boy is something very colorful and proud!

So previously I mentioned there being an education system for merpeople as they do form societies.

So all the teens (minus Miguel) go to school together.

Their school, as well as most of the buildings in their particular society, is made up of scrapped parts from shipwrecks and other human debris. There are also some buildings and landmarks carved out of the landscape, but they gotta keep it fresh, keep it interesting. They’re still discovering and learning technology, but in their own unique ways.

(Okay, you probably didn’t even care about that fact but as an enthusiast for a “rebuild from the remains” aesthetic, I have to sprinkle in my little funky twists.)

The particular “town” of merpeople they live in isn’t very large and is constantly changing size and population due to some mers moving in and out.

Evan broke his arm over summer break in a coastal accident.

Seeing that merpeople don’t fully abide by the living standards of their aquatic ancestors, they tend to mix, mingle, and migrate without too much structure. Obviously certain families with stay together and there are some pockets of merpeople who live by more strict cultural rules. But for the sake of au, Evan and the gang live in a more relaxed mer civilization.

So, over the summer Evan was working with a group of mers that focus on coastal wildlife. Evan in particular focused on coral health and how it was being affected by human activity.

But our boy is depressed and lonely, so one day he strays from his usual group of coworkers and ventured toward a cluster of fishing boats. The general rule is don’t go near humans, especially when on the job.

He noticed that some of the boats were anchored, so he grabbed one of them from the seabed, hoisted it up the surface, and launched it above water for his to come crashing down with force behind it.

His arm got pinned under the anchor, thus breaking it.

Now, the rest of the AU at the moment is more freeform and doesn’t follow the plot of the musical, but I did want to included how Evan broke his arm.

Connor is not dead in this particular version of the AU, but feel free to craft multiple storylines and arcs with different outcomes!

Connor does paint his nails!

As previously mentioned, he is very fascinated by human society and like to get a little too close.

So, one day he came across some spring breakers and watched as they went about their activities sunbathing and painting their nails. As soon as they looked away, he stole several bottles.

It’s rare for him to find nail polish, especially since he ruined his first bottle by opening it up under water and losing the contents. But whenever a party boat or a boat of spring breakers rolls by, especially with a bunch of girls, he always has to check.

He quickly learned that whenever he wants to do his nails he has to make a whole thing about hauling himself up to surface and propping on a rock or a beach for some time.

He’s collected his signature black as well as a metallic purple, glittery pink, and bright turquoise. He wears the black and purple the most. He loves the other two colors, but poor baby is insecure and wearing nail polish as a mer is already enough to cause stares.

Jared also thinks that human legs are hot.

When Jared is puffed up, other mers will bop him around like a volleyball. It’s an unfortunate thing for any and all puffers.

Evan’s dad is a Barracuda mer, which for a Barracuda and an Octopus to mate is incredibly rare. It’s a wonder that Evan didn’t come out a totally wack and new sea monster.

But like I said, science doesn’t really exist here! Anything goes! Be whatever mer you wanna be! Love whatever mer you wanna love!

[dngrdyke]

May The Best Bitch Win Part 2

"Let's go, bitches!" Dyke whooped. "Last one to the Hub has to clean up after the party!"

Poison rallied the engine. "I can't wait to beat your ass twice!"

Dee said nothing, and instead sped off without warning, making Faggot yelp and grab her waist tight.

A vague "motherfucker!" was heard and soon the Trans AM was catching up on her right. On her left, Ghoul and Cola were keeping pace, seemingly effortlessly.

Assholes.

The convoy made it to the Hub just as another gang pulled up. Dyke skidded to a stop in front of the leader of the pack, followed closely by Ghoul. Poison rocked up a split second behind and climbed out.

"I wanna rematch! You've less mass so you go faster!"

"I have better mass," she grinned, kicking down the stand and flicking her hair out of her face.

"Why'd I join a posse with a bike," Faggot mumbled as he climbed off shakily. Dyke killed the engine.

"The Fabulous Killjoys, huh?" one of the other gang scoffed. "Seems like a buncha kids to me."

"And who the fuck are you then?" Poison asked, coming over to stand beside Dyke with a hand on his hip.

"The Angels of Road Slaughter. I'm Roadkill. This is my second, Rock Machine. You gotta be Party Poison, or is it bootyshorts there beside ya?"

"The name's Dyke. Pretty sweet ride ya got there, Roadkill. What is it, a Chopper?"

"Yeah, got her from some Blind warehouse a while back. You don't have a bad bike yourself."

"Power cruiser, baby. I'm gonna smoke all you bitches outta here."

"Nobody's smokin' me out unless it's your little friend there," Roadkill said and winked at Poison.

"I think that's enough conversation for one day," Doctor D said, materialising out of nowhere. "At least while your old man is listening. The afterparty is a different story. Don't gotta pay attention to no-one at a party."

Dyke glanced at Poison, who was looking anywhere but at Roadkill, who was looking directly at Poison. You coulda cut the tension with a knife.

"Oh, hey, D, you'll never believe what happened earlier," Dyke said, seizing her chance to escape the awkward situation unfolding before her. "C'mon, let's get a soda and I'll tell you. Ya still got orange?"

He took the hint. "Sure do, DB. Come on in. I got a tape just about to hit replay so you can pick the next one."

He turned himself around and went back inside. Dyke took Faggot's arm and squeezed gently. He glanced at her and nodded.

"Jet, you wanna go over your battle plan?"

"I- yeah, good call." He silently thanked whatever god there was.

"I'm coming too!"

"Yeah, same here!"

Kobra and Ghoul followed, with Cola shaking his head and coming in the rear, saying nothing.

"Y'know, Roadie, a soda sounds pretty good right now," Rock Machine said. The rest of the gang murmured their agreement.

"Fine. We'll get some soda then. See ya later, prettyboy. You're gonna eat ass on the track."

Dyke bit her lip as she walked away, trying hard not to laugh. Doctor D looked back at her with a glint in his eye.

Poison ran up and draped his arms around Dyke and Jet. "Those are some hardass motherfuckers."

Dee snorted but covered it up with a cough. It was a talent of hers.

"Anyway, DB- you said you had some crazy story to tell us."

"That I do, Doctor D, that I do." She ducked out of Poison's grasp and lead the group walking backwards. "So I was headin' out to the Rendezvous- thanks for those supplies, Cola- and I saw these two assholes without any masks on takin' the kidneys outta some Drac. Y'all know I hate Blind as much as the next person, but you just gotta show some respect, ya know? Anyways, I pulled my guns on 'em and told 'em if they didn't scoot asap I'd shoot. They left together on a bike but they kept the kidneys for some reason. Dicks." Dyke turned back around and smacked her face into the beads that hung over D's doorway. She moved them out of her face and went straight to the kitchen- the only place with a working refrigerator. She took out an orange soda and cracked it open. Everyone else just stood, watching her.

"What? Somethin' on my face?"

"Dyke... Like, no offence or whatever, but how in the hell are you still alive?" Faggot asked. His eyes were huge, as if her head would explode at any second.

"DB my good friend, I'd bet my left arm that you just had a clap with Scarlet Ripper and the Mongoose," D said, running a hand through his hair.

"Those freaky-ass motherfuckers you were talkin' about earlier? Then why ain't I dead?"

"You musta got lucky," he sighed. "I gotta go tell the world to start showin' up. You gonna choose a tape?"

She chugged her soda and tossed the can into the trash. "I nearly died today. Of course I'm gonna choose the fuckin' tape."

"And it's Doctor Death-Defying back at you desert-dwellers with a whole new tape. But first, a drag race update from our very own DB."

Dyke's eyes widened and D motioned to the mic. Go crazy, he mouthed.

She grinned.

"Well hello there, desert kings, queens and everything in between. Tonight's gonna be a clear night with a high chance of road dust. Anyone willing to eat my shorts in the drag race better hurry up and get here, else someone'll take your spot. So far we have tension brewing 'tween the Killjoy squads and the Angels' racers. Who knows what's gonna happen next? Not me, but 'til then, here's Quiet Riot to keep ya kickin'."

D loaded the tape and set it playing.

"Not too bad for a first-timer."

She shrugged. "Sometimes you want the attention. I'm gonna go take a smoke break, see who else is here. We should get goin' soon."

Outside, the Angels were milling around on their bikes with some sodas.

"Hey! Dyke, wasn't it?" Roadkill jogged over to her.

"That's me," she said lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag. "You need somethin'?"

He scratched the top of his greasy, black hair. Roadkill sure lived up to his name.

"Party Poison he, uh... he knows I was just dicking around, right? Well, kinda, anyway. Mostly."

"Probably. He's not pissed or anything, if that's what you're worried about. He just hasn't had anyone 'cept the mirror flirt with him in a while."

"Ah," he said and nodded, then "can I bum a smoke?"

She said nothing, but instead drew out the pack and offered it to him.

"Hey, thanks. You know you look like him though, right?"

"Long story. Might tell you one day."

"Hey, Dee! Doc says we're ready to go!" Faggot yelled out a window.

"You two gonna come out and watch?"

Dee knew from experience that he had the Girl scooped up in his arms and was making faces at her.

"Be right there. Oh, and Jet says to meet him out back with the bike."

She stubbed out the cigarette under her foot. "You comin' to the afterparty?"

"Wouldn't miss it, DB."

Jet was standing with his arms crossed when Dyke rounded the corner, pushing the bike.

"Poison wanted me to ask you if Roadkill was being serious. He said he has a nice butt."

"Kinda serious. He would. It could happen."

"God-fucking-damn it."

"Racers!" the crackly sound of Doctor D's PA system came towards them. "If your bedazzled ass isn't at the starting line, go put it there or get it kicked out."

"My ass isn't even bedazzled..."

"C'mon, Jet. We got a race to win."

They took their places at the starting line, Jet with his lanky frame scrunched up behind Dee. She had the motor running and her legs on either side of the bike for balance. Doc had better start the party soon, she thought.

She scanned the crowds lining the track and saw Faggot with the Girl on his shoulders. He grinned and waved, then took the Girl's hand and waved with that.

She smiled.

"Alright racers, I want a nice clean match. No bashing, slashing or body flashing, ya hear? And that includes you audience members, too. We don't care how well God has made you- this is a road race. Save it for the afterparty! But I think that's all an old man like me's gotta say so... On your marks!"

Dyke snapped back into reality and tensed her legs. A few of the racers revved their engines. Road Kill caught her eye and winked.

"Get set!"

She flexed her fingers and tightened her grip on the handlebars. For her, driving gloves weren't just a fashion statement.

A foghorn sounded and Dyke kicked off. "Heads down, elbows tucked in, DB and Jet Star take an early lead," the Doc's voice came over the roar of engines. "But look's like Party Poison and the Kobra Kid are close behind. Damn! Road Kill and Rock Machine leading by a hair."

"We need more speed!" Jet shouted in her ear.

"No fuckin' shit!" She sped up, taking back her spot. No way was she losing to some short, ratty-ass clown. Or Poison either, for that matter.

"Nice view, Dyke! You steal Poison's ass, too?"

"Jet, honey?"

"Yeah?"

"You remind me to break his nose at the afterparty."

"Sure thing, Dee."

She pressed harder on the accelerator. "C'mon. Please. Carla, if you can hear me..." she mumbled.

The bike, against all odds, against all the laws of physics, went just that much faster.

"Holy shit!" Jet shouted. "Dee, we- Dee! We're gonna die!"

"No way, Jet Star! We're gonna win!"

They could still hear Doctor D's voice narrating the race, but quieter now as they sped further away. "And that's DB with Jet still in the lead! I didn't know her bike could even go that fast- but don't tell her that, else I'll lose the use of my remaining working limbs."

"We almost there, Jet?"

Dyke was trying to focus on keeping the bike going as fast as possible. Sure, she had here eyes on the road, but it was a kind of tunnel vision. She didn't care about anything that wasn't directly in front of her.

"Not sure... maybe- yes! I can see someone with a flag!"

Dee whooped. The engine whined.

"Shit, will we make it?"

"If we believe, Jet! Just pray and don't stop 'til we cross that line!"

Sure enough, Jet started to mumble something. Whether he was praying or cursing her, Dyke didn't know.

She couldn't speak Spanish.

She saw Road Kill out of the corner of her eye and her face hardened. They were so close. She could almost taste it.

A rush of colour. The flag was waved. They did it. They did it!

She screamed. "Jet! Jet! We did it! WE DID IT!" She gently lifted the accelerator and braked hard to skid to a stop. Down went the kickstand.

"Did we do it?" she asked doubtfully, looking between Jet's face and the person with the flag.

"Only one way to find out, Dee. We gotta wait for the rest of 'em."

The Trans Am and Road Kill's Chopper had come in neck and neck, while someone riding solo came in just before them. The only people the two had been keeping an eye on were Road Kill and Poison. Other than that- who knew?

The crowd at the starting line started to make their way to the finish. Some people had spread out along the track, but most had stayed at the start where they could see everything that was going on.

"Alright, alright, simmer down you folks."

Doctor D spoke through a megaphone. Where the hell was he getting all this stuff?

"After careful consultation with our flagboy V, it would appear that Dyke and Jet Star have stolen the scene and come in first place!" There was a mix of cheering and groaning from the crowd as accessories were exchanged. Faggot ran up with the girl on his hip and threw an arm around Dee.

"I knew you could do it, you old bitch!"

"Hey! Poison's older than I am!"

"Dee! Dee!" the Girl giggled, clapping.

"Now that first place is settled, in second place we have Maximum Voltage, riding solo."

The crowd clapped half-heartedly. Nobody knew who this Max guy was.

"Wait... Maximu-?" Dee started. She was cut off by the Doc shushing the crowd again. The flagboy whispered in his ear.

"And in an exciting turn of events, in third place is Party Poison and the Kobra Kid tied with Road Kill and Rock Machine!"

More accessories were exchanged. Dyke was even sure she saw masks being swapped.

"Yeah, yeah, all prizes will come in due time, but for now I think we all just need to party."

Dee and Jet were swarmed with people congratulating them, and all thoughts of Maximum Voltage were pushed from her mind.

"We did it, Dee. I can't believe we actually did it!"

"Fuck, me neither! Hey- careful, these pins are sharp. To the afterparty!"

[kiddoryder]

Bond for Trouble

For @jeremenchi and I wanna thank @anitoonzforever for helping me. Hope you enjoy!

Right after the party and fighting stopped, Benson ordered chad & Jeremy to come back while Mordecai and Rigby stayed behind. Right now they were in Benson’s office and let’s just say he wasn’t happy. 

 Benson - *angry* “You guys are in so much trouble! Do you have any idea how much damage you cost the park?!”

 Rigby - *defensive* “Hey! We only did it to protect our jobs.”

 Mordecai - “Yeah Benson. You basically wanted to fire us without telling us.”

 Benson - “Well if you guys didn't slack off so much, I wouldn't have to do this!!”

 Rigby - “We were gonna clean it up!”

 Chad: *scoffs* “Yeah right! You can't even clean the boats without messing things up!!”

 Rigby - “Stay out of this, you tool!”

 Mordecai - *mad* “Yeah you try to steal our jobs!”

 Jeremy: We did not! You tried to ruin our jobs!!

 Rigby - “Well you guys are stuck up jerks!”

 Chad - “Well you two are no good loafers!!”

 Benson: *furious* “SHUT UP!!!”

 The four silence themselves and see Benson turning red with anger. This scared all four of them into being quiet. 

 Rigby - *whispers* “Uh should we run?”

 Mordecai: *whispers* “No dude.”

 Jeremy - *scared and nervous* “Uhh you ok?”

 Benson - *livid* “DO I LOOK OKAY!?!?!?!”

 Mordecai - “We're dead, aren't we?”

 Rigby - “Yep. You know what to do for my funeral.”

 Benson - “I'm so angry I want to rip your limb from limb before firing all of you!!”

 They all flinched in fear. But then Benson started to calm down and taking deep breath. 

 Benson: *takes a deep breath* “But I won't. Instead, I'm gonna do something else to make you four learn a little something about working together.”

 Mordecai - “Really? What is it?”

 Benson - “Stick out your hands.”

 Rigby - “Why?”

 Benson - “Just do it or your fired!”

 Rigby - *annoyed* “Alright Alright!”

 They all stuck out their hands and they all looked confused.

 Mordecai - “Now what dude?”

 All of a sudden, Benson used special cuffs to shackle them together. He shackled Jeremy and Mordecai together and then did the same to Rigby and Chad. It led the four to them to be shocked and confusing.

 Mordecai - “Dude! What the H did you do?!”

 Rigby - “Are you taking us to jail?!”

 Benson - “No, I'm chaining you guys together until

You learn to get along and not fight. It an old park working exercise.”

 Mordecai - “Dude! Benson! This is not cool at all.”

 Chad - “Yeah! You can't do this to us!”

 Benson - “It's either this or you're all fired!!”

 Jeremy - “Ugh this suck!”

 Benson - “That's too bad because those are not coming off until you all get along. So there.”

 He led the four dudes out of his office. They all began to walk out of the house leaving the others to glare at each other.

 Rigby - “This is all you guys fault!”

 Chad - “Shut up you jerk! It's your fault too.”

 Mordecai - “Don't you blame us for this! We didn't even want to fight! You guys started it!”

 Jeremy - “We were just doing our jobs!”

 Rigby - *scoffs* “More like stealing our jobs!”

 Chad - “We don't steal anything!”

 Mordecai - “How long are we chained for anyway?”

 Jeremy - “Who knows?”

 Rigby - “What are we gonna do now?”

 Chad - “Guess we're stuck together until Benson takes these stupid chains off.”

 Mordecai: *sarcastic* “Oh joy....”

 Jeremy - “Yeah no kidding...I'm starting to get hungry.”

 Rigby - “Me too. How about Fry It Up?”

 Chad - *disgusted* “No way! That place is a grease trap.”

 Rigby - *annoyed* “No you're a Grease trap!”

 Mordecai - “Let's just go to the coffee shop.”

 Jeremy - “Fine.”

 Rigby and Chad only scoff at each other as they head to the coffee shop. They made it to the coffee shop and Jeremy look around. Jeremy has a mildly displease look on his face.

 Jeremy - “Hmmm look a bit tacky.”

 Mordecai: *smug* “Your glasses look tacky…”

 Jeremy - *mad* “I heard that!”

 Margaret - “Hey Guys!”

 They saw Margaret and Eileen coming over to their table. 

 Mordecai - “Oh hey Margaret.”

 Eileen -  “Hi Rigby! *sees the chains* Uh why are you guys shackled together?”

 Rigby - “It's a long story.”

 Mordecai - “A really long story”

 Margaret - “Okay...so what'll it be, guys?”

 Mordecai - “Some soda and a sandwich please.”

 Jeremy - “Same for me.” 

 Mordecai - “You eat that for lunch too?”

 Jeremy - “Of course I do. It's my favorite since I was a kid.”

 Mordecai - “Nice! Mine too”

 Chad: *to Rigby* “What about you?”

 Rigby - “I like sloppy joes.”

 Chad - “You too?”

 Rigby - “Yeah! With chili cheese fries.”

 Chad - *disgusted* “Ugh! I hate chili cheese fries.”

 Rigby - *offended* “What's wrong with it?!”

 Chad - “It's just too much stuff on fries alone. Personally I like onion rings.”

 Rigby - “Witch ketchup?”

 Chad - “Spicy ketchup.”

 Rigby - *disgusted* “Gross.”

 Chad - *mad* “Like your face!”

 Rigby - “Your face is gross!”

 Mordecai - *annoyed* “Will you guys stop!?”

 Jeremy - *annoyed* “Yeah! You're acting like kids!”

 Both - *pointed to each other* “He started it!”

 Mordecai - “Ugh this chain thing is a bad idea.”

 After bringing them their food, Margaret and Eileen the argument that was happening. Wanting them to get along, Margaret and Eileen started to get an idea and walk up to them. 

 Margaret - “We know something that can help.”

 Mordecai - “Really? Like what?”

 Eileen - “Maybe you guys can go play video games?”

 Rigby - “We would if Muscle Man didn't break our system again!”

 Margaret - “Why don't you go camping? I heard that can help two people bonds. I mean, you guys took me before and it was fun.”

 Mordecai - “Well okay. It never hurts to go camping. I mean we did go a bunch of time and it was fun.”

 Rigby: *mutters* “Except the past two times we got killed.” *Mordecai slugs Rigby’s arm* Owww!!!”

 Chad - “Dude watch it! You almost hit my face!”

 Rigby - “Well you should have moved your face!”

 Chad and Rigby started to argue and push each other. Then Jeremy said:

 Jeremy - *annoyed* “Guys enough! Let's just get this camping over with.”

 Mordecai - “Yeah. I mean the faster we do it the faster the chain can come off.”

 Rigby -“And you guys go away forever.”

 Chad and Jeremy - “Agreed!”

 ()()()()()()()()

 After finishing their meals, Mordecai, Rigby, Chad and Jeremy went to the house to pack some things for a camping trip. Then when they were finishing packing up, they took the cart to the campsite. After getting, they were now to the forest in their secret spot and Mordecai asked Jeremy: 

 Mordecai - “Have you guys ever been camping?”

 Jeremy - “Yeah. When we were little.”

 Chad - “He and I went on camping trips with our families as kids.”

 Mordecai - *amazed* “Whoa! You guys are childhood friends just like me and Rigby.”

 Chad - “Wait you guys were friends as kids?”

 Rigby - “Yeah. Well technically we knew each other since we were babies.”

 Mordecai - *chuckled* “Yeah. We have been inseparable ever since.”

 Jeremy - “So have me and Chad.”

 Then they all began to set up camp. Rigby was just taking random stuff out at the bag. Then he noticed Chad taking out the matches. 

 Rigby - “Give me the matches!”

 Chad - *annoyed* “We gotta make the tent first!”

 Rigby -  “I thought you make the fire first!”

 Chad - “That not until when it gets dark!”

 Rigby - “But how are we gonna cook food genius!”

 Chad - “Tent first, fire later!”

 As the two were arguing, Jeremy and Mordecai were gathering firewood. They noticed their two best friends fighting and Jeremy said:

 Jeremy: *whispers* “How do you put up with that?”

 Mordecai - *head shaking* “You have no idea.”

 Jeremy - “Chad can be a bit stubborn.”

 Mordecai - “So have Rigby.”

 Jeremy - “Guess we both deal with the same thing.”

 Mordecai -  “No kidding.”

 They began to put the firewood on the ground. 

 Mordecai - “Hey, why don't we get some fresh water?”

 Jeremy - “You know how to get fresh water?”

 Mordecai - “Sure I do. My friend, Skips, taught me.”

 Mordecai lead Jeremy the way to the lake that would have to drink. Then he started to put them in water bottles so they can save for later. Jeremy looked impressed and amazed and said:

 Jeremy - “Oh I know how to do that too.”

  Mordecai - “Really? let me guess: You learned in school?”

 Jeremy - “Actually no. My uncle Ted taught me when I was 7.”

 Mordecai - “Really?”

 Jeremy - “Yeah. We were really close.”

 Mordecai - *amazed* “That's cool! I am close with my uncle Steve too.”

 Jeremy - “Really? What'd y'all do?”

 Mordecai - *shrugged* “Just hang out, bowling, camping, etc.”

 Jeremy - “Must be nice you have an uncle who's still around.”

 Mordecai - “What do you mean?”

 Jeremy - “Oh nothing, no big deal.”

 Mordecai - “No dude, you can tell me. I know we don't know each other very well and got into some trouble, but you can tell me if you want.”

 Jeremy - “Well okay. *sighs sadly* My uncle Ted died when I was ten...cancer took his life.”

 Mordecai - *sadly* “Oh dude I'm so sorry...

 Jeremy - “It's fine...I mean it's nature stuff, right?”

 Mordecai - “I guess... I know it's hard but talking about it might make you feel better. It worked on some of my friends.”

 Jeremy - “Yeah...That's true cause I haven't talked about him in a while.”

 Mordecai - “Well you can now.”

 They sit by the stream and was looking about it. Something about looking at stream made Mordecai and Jeremy feel at peace and calm. However, Mordecai didn’t want things to be awkward, so he said:

 Mordecai - “So...What was he like?”

 Jeremy - *smiled and sighed* “He was a really amazing guy. He actually inspires me to go to college since he noticed how much I love technology and how good I am with it. He inspired me to get a good education and become the best I can be. He wasn't just an uncle...he was another best friend.”

 Mordecai - “Sound like he was a really cool Uncle.”

 Jeremy - “He was....until when I was 9 when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He only lasted a year before he....passed on.”

 Mordecai - *sympathetic* “I'm so sorry Jeremy.”

 Jeremy felt the tears welling up, but he shakes it off. He never felt comfortable crying in front of people. Especially in front of people he doesn’t know that well.

 Jeremy - *sighs* “Thanks. It's been so hard on me. In fact...today was the day of his death.”

 Mordecai - “Oh dude…”

 Jeremy - “Yeah...I thought doing stuff help me get my mind off it. That's why I got so angry with you and your friend. I guess when things went wrong today, I just kinda lost it. I'm....sorry.”

 Mordecai - *sighs* “I'm sorry too. We just didn't want to lose our jobs because we need it.”

 Jeremy - “Why didn't you just tell us? We couldn't talk to your boss or something.”

 Mordecai - “I don't know. I guess we were just paranoid and stuff.”

 Jeremy - “Well in retrospect, I guess he did want to replace you guys. But he told us how lazy you were and didn't care about your jobs.”

 Mordecai - “No No. I mean we do care about our jobs, but sometimes he can be strict on us. One time he made us mow the lawn again because it was “an inch too tall”.”

 Jeremy - “You serious?”

 Mordecai - “Oh yeah. He even made us ride bikes instead of the parks cart and said we were acting like kids.”

 Jeremy - “That is kind of rough.”

 Jeremy started to feel bad for Mordecai and Rigby. Turn out being a groundskeeper is a tough job after all. Jeremy feel like deep down; he doesn’t really blame Mordecai and Rigby for slacking off. If he and Chad ever had a boss like Benson, they would have slack off too because they can’t stand really strict bosses. 

 Mordecai - “Tell me about it. And that coming from a dude who eats chicken wings all the time.”

 Jeremy - *surprised* “Whoa really?”

 Mordecai - “Oh totally! He acts drunk when he eats too much of them.”

 Jeremy - *chuckled* That's kind of funny

 Mordecai: *chuckles* Yeah. So how about we start over? *offers a hand* Wanna be friends?”

 As much as he hated being chained, this actually help Jeremy realize that Mordecai isn’t a bad dude at all. He’s actually a really nice guy and somebody he can talk to. Sure, he’s best friends with Chad but feel like Mordecai is the perfect person to talk to with deep feelings like about his Uncle’s death. Jeremy decided to give Mordecai a second chance and start over. 

 Jeremy - *smiled* “Yeah I like that.”

 They shake hands but then they heard thunder sound. They looked up and saw how the clouds got dark and it began to rain. The rain was starting to get hard. 

 Mordecai - “Aw dude we better head back!”

 They began to walk back to the campsite but was trying to do it fast yet, at a steady pace due to still being chained up. However, it was raining hard to the point where the dirt and the rocks started becoming muddy and slippery. It causes Mordecai trip and fell on the ground.

 Mordecai - “Ow!” *held his ankle in pain* 

 Jeremy - *concerned*  “Dude What's wrong?”

 Mordecai - “My ankle! I sprained it.”

 Jeremy knelt down and looks at Mordecai’s ankle. Mordecai was right: it was indeed sprained, and it look swollen. However, Jeremy knew what to do. 

 Jeremy - “Hold still a second.”

 He rips part of the sleeve of his hoodie and wraps it around Mordecai’s ankle carefully. Then he helps Mordecai to his feet and held on to his arm.

 Jeremy - “Hang on.”

 Mordecai - *confused* “What are you doing?”

 Jeremy - “Trust me, I know what to do Just keep your leg elevated and hold on to me.”

 Mordecai - “Alright!”

 Mordecai did what Jeremy told him to do. Then they made it to Chad and Rigby who was putting the stuff away into the car due to the rain. Then they saw their friends coming toward them. 

 Jeremy - “Guys! We need to take Mordecai to the hospital. He hurt his ankle.”

 Rigby - *concerned* “What?! *to Mordecai* Dude You Okay?”

 Mordecai - *wincing* “Kind of. It just really hurts.”

 Chad - “Let’s go!”

 Jeremy - “We gotta hurry because the rain gets worse!”

 Chad -  “I'll drive!”

 Rigby - *mad* “Why you!”

 All - “RIGBY!!!”

 Rigby - “Alright Fine! Let’s just go!”

 They began to drive off to the Hospital. When they made it to the building, Jeremy help Mordecai walk inside the Hospital. Then they walk up to the front desk clerk. 

 Jeremy - “We need a Doctor. My friend hurt his ankle.”

 Clerk - “ Alright but I can't do anything if you two are shackled up.”

 Rigby - “We don't have the key.”

 Benson - “But I do!”

 They turned around and saw Benson  behind him with a sprained wrist. The sprained wrist was wrapped in gauze bandage. 

 Mordecai - *confused and concerned* “Whoa Benson what happened to you?”

 Benson - *sight and sound annoyed* “Muscle Man got into a fight with the guy from the hot dog truck again and I had to help break it up. Anyway, I can see that you two finally managed to work together.

 Mordecai - “Yeah. Can you please free us? My ankle really starting to hurt.”

 Benson -  *holds the key* “Sure thing.”

 Benson walked over to them and unlocks Mordecai and Jeremy's chain wrists. They were now free from their chains much to their happiness. 

 Jeremy - “Thanks.”

 Rigby - “What about me and Chad?”

 Benson - *shook his head* “Nope. I can tell that you and Chad still need more work.”

 Chad & Rigby - *shocked* “What?!”

 Benson - “It's clear to me that you too still didn't learn your lesson.”

 Rigby - *mad*  “Aw what?!”

 Chad - *mad* “This isn't fair!”

 Benson - “Life ain't fair!”

 Mordecai is escorted by Jeremy and the Doctor while Benson were scolding their friends.

 Mordecai - “Thanks pal.”

 Jeremy - “No problem man.”

 Jeremy helped Mordecai sit on the bed and the doctor examined his ankle. Then the doctor said:

 Doctor - “Not to worry. Just a sprained ankle should heal up in a few days.”

 Mordecai - “Thanks Doctor.”

 Doctor: *smiles* “You should really be thanking your friend. Some quick thinking to prevent any infection or more damage to your ankle.”

 Jeremy - “Yeah I learn that when I was younger.”

 Doctor: *puts a hand on his shoulder* “Well whoever taught you should be proud.”

 Jeremy gave a sad smile before the doctor walked out of the room for a few minutes. Mordecai noticed it and said:

 Mordecai - “...Your uncle Ted taught you, didn't he?

 Jeremy - *nods* “He taught me a lot of frost aid skills when we went camping together. He even taught me what to do if I was bitten by a snake.”

 Mordecai - *amazed* “Whoa.”

 Jeremy: “Yeah. Hey, if you want, I can teach you that too.”

 Mordecai - “Really?”

 Jeremy - “Yeah it's pretty simple.”

 Mordecai - *smiles* “I think I like that.”

 Then the doctor came back holding some crutches and gauze bandages. 

 Doctor - “I'm back now let's wrapped up your ankle.”

 The doctor gently wrapped Mordecai's ankle in the bandage. Then he was finished and said: 

 Doctor - “Now for the week you need to rest it and give it some ice pack so the swelling can go down. The crutches can help you walk too.”

 Mordecai - *nodding* “Will do.”

 Jeremy - “Come on. I'll drive you home.”

 Mordecai - “Thanks dude.”

 Jeremy - “You need help?”

 Mordecai - “No it's okay I got it.”

 Jeremy - “Alright.” 

 Jeremy kept an eye on Mordecai who was doing okay with using the crutches. They head to the lobby  to see Rigby and Chad still arguing over something stupid.

 Chad - “This is all your fault!”

 Rigby - No it's yours!”

 Mordecai - *annoyed* “Guys enough!!”

 Jeremy - Yeah, you're acting like babies

 Chad & Rigby - “We are not!”

 Mordecai - “Dudes chill! Let's just go to the house and I'll order us some pizzas. Everybody loves pizza.”

 Jeremy - “That's cool of you. Thanks!”

 Mordecai - “Hey, it's the least I can do since you help me out.”

 Rigby - *calming down* “I guess pizza will be fine.”

 Chad - *calming down as well* “Yeah it sounds good.”

 Jeremy - “Then let's go.”

 They head back to the house and got to hang out and get to know each other better even more. But it still took a couple days for Rigby and Chad to get along and finally get the cuffs off but now all four of them are good friends. They all learned that if they get to know each other a little more instead of judging, they would actually be great friends. 

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

She’s Not Afraid (Girls Talk Boys part 21)

She's not afraid of all the attention She's not afraid of running wild How come she's so afraid of falling in love She's not afraid of scary movies She likes the way we kiss in the dark But she's so afraid of f-f-falling in love 

A/N I’m afraid to post links on these now, but you can always message me. I’m still trying to figure out how to do a masterlist

“I can't believe Camille is making us do the shopping” Cher grumbled as they pulled up to the store.

“You lot are the ones making her cook on one of her busiest weeks of the year, whatever that means.”Ashton came around to open her car door for her. That was something Cher didn't know guys did in real life.

Ashton grabbed a cart and Cher pulled up the shopping list Camille made on her phone.

“She really could've ordered this online.” Cher was still pouting.

“I'm pretty sure she just wanted to get everyone out of her hair.” Ashton chuckled. “She even chased Cal away so she could work.”

Cher huffed pouting until Ashton came up beside her. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before murmuring in her ear.

“If you're a good girl today I just might reward you”

Cher felt her irritation vanish and she brightened up anticipating what kind of game Ashton might have in mind.

“Ok let me see the list.” Ashton took charge. “Potatoes, carrots, onions, and celery”

“Celery?” Cher made a face. “So gross”

“How can you hate celery” Ashton was amused.

“Celery is evil.” Cher put the veggies in the green cloth bag. “Any other produce or are we done with this one?”

“Yeah a bag of cranberries, two oranges, a lemon, 2 limes, and 3 green apples. What's with the different color bags?” Ashton was a bit puzzled.

“They're reusable so yay there's that.” Cher gathered up what she needed. “They are color coded so we know what department we need and where it goes in the kitchen. Green for produce, white for dairy, brown for deli meats. See these are insulated so everything stays cold. I can tell you we can skip the meat department because I don't have the yellow or red bag.” Cher checked the bag that held the bags.

“Did Camille come up with this?” Ashton asked clearly amused.

“She came up with the color system because she's paranoid about cross contamination. If you ever get that bitch started on e coli I will walk straight out of the room and leave you to your lecture. Once you get used to it it's really efficient.” Cher shrugged. “Ok baking stuff.”

She headed down the aisle.She grabbed the usual, flour, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and then a can each of condensed and evaporated milk.

“What's that for?” Ashton peeked in the bag.

“She's making a tres leches cake” Cher told him. “Ok it says oil but she isn't specific so I'm gonna get what's on sale. I never knew there were so many kinds. Coconut oil, peanut oil, sesame oil, almond oil. Wait isn't they what they used for our massage that day?”

“Let me see” Ashton stepped up behind her grabbing her hand with his as he pulled the bottle closer. For just a second he pressed his body into hers. It happened so fast she thought she imagined it except for the shiver that shot down her spine.

“Mmm maybe don't remember” Cher jumped at how close his voice rumbled next to her ear, but when she turned around he'd backed off and was studying the shopping list.

Cher frowned, perplexed but decided to keep moving. Ashton didn't stop. He kept touching her in little ways. His hand pressed just below the small of her back as he reached past her for the green beans. Little traces from his fingertips along her arms and wrists when he took the shopping list from her. “So what was your thanksgiving like as a kid? I know Cam has the big crazy family, but you don't talk about yours.” Ashton asked trying to make sure he didn't get sugar free Jello.

“Mom usually didn't cook. She did one time when we were teenagers and forgot to tell us. We didn't show up and she hasn't let us live it down yet.” Cher told him.

“You only have one brother right? Camille has two?” Ashton couldn't quite remember

Cher nodded. “A couple of times when we were in foster care we'd go down to the City Rec center and they'd have a big meal for all the kids in the programs. The food was actually decent and we always got a little present.”

She dropped a bag of pecans she was looking at. Ashton practically dove to pick them up the back of his hand brushing against her bare calf.

“What was that” Cher jumped at the touch.

“You dropped the nuts. You gotta be more careful with those” Ashton responded off offhandedly with the tiniest smirk.

“Mmm hmmm” Cher hummed her mind wandering.

“Are we getting a turkey?” Ashton motioned to the crowd forming around the employee bringing out boxes of birds.

“Nah, she ordered prime rib and a turkey breast from a butchers shop. I think she sent Calum to get that.”

“How do you like your new roommate” Ashton teased her.

“He's not over at our house that much really. They've almost got a schedule. Sunday night he comes over for football but doesn't stay the night because Camille works her ass off on Mondays. Tuesday is their day together usually at his place. Friday is date night. He bought me some kick ass noise canceling headphones so we're all good.” Cher shrugged.

She stopped abruptly when she saw a display for green bean casserole. Ashton, trailing behind, ran right into her. As he stumbled, catching himself by grabbing her arms, Cher felt the faintest touch of his lips against her shoulder. Or did she? It was maddening.

They finished shopping and loaded up the car. Cher was hoping Ashton might give her a hint at her reward. Instead he just turned the radio on and drummed his fingers on her knee along to the beat.

Getting back to the house Ashton had to admit the bag system helped in putting the groceries away. He also enjoyed that the kitchen was confined enough that he could “bump” into Cher several times while bending or reaching to get in the cabinets. It was killing him not to grin when he heard her little gasps when he touched her or saw the little glances she threw his way. He wanted so badly to pull her to the floor and take her right there in the kitchen.

He had to be patient. He had to keep her wanting. That was the only way to get what he wanted.

They'd just finished with the groceries when Harry knocked on the door. Cher was surprised to see him, normally he didn't get involved in the work side of the parties they threw. He'd volunteered to get the baked goods because he wanted Cornish pastries and sticky toffee pudding. Camille had agreed if he bought them she'd heat them up and make the sauce. She'd also gotten him to pick up a bag of yeast dough so she could make rolls.

It wasn't until Calum showed up with the butchers bags about 15 minutes later that Camille came downstairs. Cher was always amused when Camille came down from filming looking Hollywood from the tits up and couch potato from the waist down. Cher tossed her a bottle of cold water which she caught and chugged while making her way to Calum at the refrigerator. Camille gave Calum a kiss before greeting the other men.

“Harry thank you for getting this dough for me. I'm gonna make the sauce tomorrow just when these are heating up” Camille smiled at Harry.

“I hope you like the Cornish pastries” Harry grinned at her. “They're not easy to get out here.”

“I'm sure I will.” Camille peeked in the bag. “Ooh you got a chocolate cream pie. Cody is gonna love that.”

Ashton handed Camille a glass of wine.

“Thank you sweetie.” Camille turned to where he was standing next to Cher. “Ashton, thank you, seriously you're the only one I can trust with this.” Camille raised her glass before downing it.

“Guys seriously I have like five more videos to do and then I'm done for tonight. There are three games tomorrow and I have to do player forecasts as well as match up reviews. If y'all could peel and soak the potatoes and brine the turkey breast that would be awesome. I'm gonna finish filming. Give me about an hour and I'll be back.” Camille held her glass out for a refill before heading upstairs. Harry said his goodbyes and Calum followed Camille leaving Ashton and Cher in the kitchen alone again.

“You look really cute right now” Ashton smirked at Cher. He kissed her on her forehead “ok let's peel some potatoes.

Camille was touching up her makeup when she heard a knock on her bedroom door.  Calum entered and hovered by the edge of her bed.

“What's up sexy man” Camille met his eyes in the mirror.

Calum hesitated and Camille saw the frown on his face. She stopped and turned around. “What is it? What's wrong?”

“Well it's just, why did you say Ashton was the only one you trusted with this? You know you can trust me right?” Calum peeked up at her.

“Babe,” Camille stopped what she was doing “Did you want me to put you in charge of helping me plan thanksgiving?”

Calum shook his head.

“Ok so you didn't want to do it. I knew you didn't want to do it. You knew I knew you didn't want me to ask you to do it. If I asked you to do it you probably would've asked Ashton you help you right?” Camille raised her eyebrows and Calum nodded.

“Ashton and I have worked together before putting together parties and we're already talking about what we're gonna do for your birthday. So why don't you tell me what is really bothering you.”

Calum sighed and ran his fingers through his curls. He looked at her with those big brown eyes “it still bothers me that you're close to Ashton.”

“Come here” Camille told him and he crossed the room. “Ashton and I are friends. I'm dating his best friend and he's flirting with mine. You need to get past whatever this is.”

“Have you ever thought about fucking Ashton” Calum blurted out before biting his lip as if that could take it back.

“Of course” Camille shrugged “Luke too if I'm honest.”

“Luke? Seriously?” Calum's jaw dropped.

“I saw him run through the house naked and I've listened to him fuck so yeah Luke too. It was a moment. Both of them. I haven't tried anything. I haven't fantasized about them. I'm going to continue to be friends with your friends. That means Ashton.” Camille reached for the drawstring of his sweatpants.

“What are you doing” Calum's voice dropped lower.

“I think my jealous boy needs some attention so he knows he's the only one I want” Camille hesitated before sucking him off. “Just try to be quiet, please and don't touch my hair”

Thanksgiving day Camille had chased everyone out of the kitchen and had her music blasting. Cher and Calum were only allowed in for brief visits. Ashton had the prime rib in his oven. Luke had the turkey and Camille was baking. She'd made the cranberry orange relish the previous evening while punching down and measuring off her dough for the rolls.

Camille had taken a break to do a live interview on the day's games. Finally with work and the food finished and everyone slightly buzzed they could sit down too eat. Camille sat at one end of the long “table” they'd managed to cobble together. Calum sat to her right. Beside him was Mikey, Crystal, Nick and Cody. Harry occupied the other end with Luke, Cher, Ashton, Tom and Lucy sat in order.

Lucy asked if she could say grace and then during the meal she suggested they go around the table and say what each one of them were thankful for.

Lucy stood up the pre dinner wine making her sway just a bit. “I'm thankful to have such good friends and my sweet baboo Tom”

Tom was next “I'm thankful for my career, my friends and my lovely Lulu.”

Then Ashton “I'm thankful we have new music coming out and that you girls showed up to make the place interesting again.”

Cher stood up “I'm not good at stuff like this. Ok let me think. I'm thankful for my Cody I'm so glad I'm out here with you. Vexxed is taking off and I'm friends with all of you which is crazy.  I've only been here since August but I never want to leave. Thank you Camille for dragging me out here.”

Luke was next “I'm thankful for my band, my Petunia and all the wonderful people I've met this year.”

Harry kept it short. “I'm thankful for finding decent Cornish pastries.”

Cody was more animated “I'm so glad you bitches moved out here. Y'all are killing it.”

Nick mumbled out “My career, um my boyfriend

It's been a good year.”

Crystal got choked up when talking about the past year but she managed. “Michael, for being my rock, my sweetheart, my everything.”

Michael followed that with talking about the adorable kittens they were fostering. “My band is fucking awesome, I have the best girlfriend I'm thankful to just be me right now”

Calum stood up leaned over and kissed the top of Camille's head. He looked at everyone and simply said “Her” before sitting back down.

Everyone looked at Camille. She stood up her knees weak. She didn't dare look at Calum. Releasing a shaky breath she found her voice. “When we moved here I never could've imagined all of this. I can't believe this is my life.” She looked at Calum “I can't believe any of this is real. This isn't supposed to happen to girls like me. If this is a dream y'all better let me sleep because I will hurt the person who wakes me up” She was interrupted by the alarm on her phone.

“Oh shit that's the rolls be right back” Camille ran into the kitchen.

After dinner and dessert most everyone hung out to watch football, have a few drinks and digest. Camille was yelling at the tv. Tom, Lucy and Calum were laughing at Camille. Luke had taken off to meet up with Summer who'd spent the day with her family. Harry, Mikey and Crystal were upstairs in the studio with guitars and gars. Cher wandered out back to find Ashton sitting by himself. She passed the blunt to him watching his fingers and lips as he held it and inhaled. His wrist wrapped around hers and he pulled her into his lap.

“What are you doing?” Che giggled with a sense of deja vu. Isn't this how it started with Luke?

“Giving you your reward kitten” Ashton whispered in her ear. His fingers gripped her hips. This definitely was NOT Luke. Luke had been giggly and shy. Ashton was smooth and very sure of himself.

“Straddle my leg doll, I want you to ride me “ It wasn't a request.

Cher hesitated looking back towards the kitchen.

“Do it now, before I change my mind.” Ashton dug his fingers in.

Cher adjusted herself as Ashton reached up under her skirt. His thumb brushed against her clit making her moan. He positioned her so that as he moved her hips back and forth she could feel her nerves brush against the bunched up fabric of her dress as he jiggled his leg. Cher whimpered and leaned her head on his shoulder. She could feel her orgasm start to build as she rocked back and forth.

“That's it kitten, you look so hot right now.  Make yourself cum for me.” Ashton kissed her neck making a moan escape her lips. “If you're not quiet I'll stop.”

Cher bit her lip and closed her eyes losing herself in the feeling.

Ashton pinched her thigh. “Eyes on me doll. I want you to look at me.”

Her brown eyes met his hazel ones filled with lust and amusement.

Ashton gripped her harder increasing the speed of her movements. He could tell she was getting close.

“That's it, let go baby. I wanna see you cum for me.” Ashton growled.

Cher felt herself tipping over the edge. Ashton watched her face as she climaxed trying not to cum himself.

He held her while she rode it out and then as she

came back to earth.

“Damn Ashton” Cher sighed when she could speak again.

“I told you kitten. It's daddy not Ashton, or next time I won't let you finish”

@biba3434 @vfdsstuff @babygirlcashton @toofadedtofight @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @slimthicccal

[queerspacewhale]

(Pt 1)Our messy lives.

This wasn't what Dave expected from his first weekend at his place. Yeah, he knew he was gonna have a fuckin kickass welcome party, calculated some sloppy makeouts and some hella drinks. And not to forget, some ironically shitty snacks to top it all off.

He didn't calculate finding a dead body in his kiddy pool, no, not just anyone's semi preserved flesh sack, it was a replica of him.

It was his fuckin body. So why the fuck wa Roz fuckin black!?

"Dude that's not me, perching up on the dude without glee, stop staring and help the man!! Unless you have another plan, " An albino Crow rhythm, perching upon Dave's lockes, tapping his nose to emphasise her point.

"Yeah, lets do that, " Dave mutters as jogs over to the floating figure, "Yo- oh shit y'all be bleeding in my fuckin pool man! Shit let's get you out of there." He mutters to himself a little rattled at the situation but not frozen in place like a deer in headlights. Carefully plucking the stranger from his once watery grave. Cautious not to touch the distressed daemon in the process.

"Yo! Eggderp get the med kit, we got a code Karkat!! " The standing resident cool guy yells as he made his way up the stairs, carrying the man into their humble yet sick abode, muttering to himself as he enters the small apartment,” Thank you Roxy for hooking the door up to an auto system.” Quickly walking over to the couch and placing the wounded doppelganger onto the couch. Meeting the concern face of his favourite buck toothed man upon turning around. “Thank you nursebert, Dave responses with a nod, collecting the media from Johns hands before quickly adding before John took this chance to escape, “Please, standby for further instructions.”

Undressing the wounded man, Dave fights back a flinch as he gazes at the large gaping hole which no normal individual would survive, a wound familiar to the two men. “Is that Davepetasprite v2??” John whispers beside Dave, sitting down next to his Morail, swallowing the lump with “yeah, if you minus the Peta part, this is straight up Davesprite dude, 100% feather butt,“ Dave retorts whilst he begins to tend to the wound, his practiced hands steady from years of practice.

No most med kits wouldn't have the tools necessary for surgery, especially surgery of this caliber but this was no regular med kit, to put it simply. And within about an hour the sprite was all patched up.

"Nurse, gorse please and some clothes too man. Can't have this dude showing the goods," Dave mutters, earning a nod from the bucktooth beauty as well as a eye roll while he made his way into the other room. His little daemon resting on the uncontrollable mess of a mane of his, her bill ruffling against his hair . Within a moment the man was as wrapped as a mummy, with a clean, and ironic, mlp shirt on and gnarly tie-dye sweatpants.

“Ya’ll best keep an eye on them in case they go south,” Dave explains with a yawn, stretching before tucking the dude underneath a quilt, making sure to leave enough room for the raven nestle upon the man’s chest. Rising with each slow breath he took. Letting out a hum, Dave plops himself next to John, resting his head on the other man’s shoulder as he joins him in reading. Fiddling with Roxy’s hair, who had station herself on John’s lap, catching up on the many overdue zee’s he needed. Soon John’s hand found its way beside Dave’s entwining their arms as the trio sat in comfortable silence. A rare moment for these abnormal adults.

Within the span of about an hour, their peace was interrupted by the sounds of footsteps pattering around the hallway and into the kitchen, a rather angry yet tired form muttering to himself as he dumps a bags onto the counter, his little Daemon leaping onto the bench from the floor and ruffling her fur while she climbs onto a shelf, settling on a spot above the count. Not in the way but not away from her other.

Roz shifts her gaze to the pair, a sigh leaving her beak, muttering to herself as she settles into her other half’s locks, “Shits all out of wack, Makes me wonder when he’ll be back. Jake I know you wanted a break, but man a lot of shit is at stake. But that’s the thing about Morails, Sometime they gotta blaze their own trails. But fuck man emotions are being swept under the mat, And it’s overwhelming our favourite grumpy Kat.”

A small, hairless feline pokes her head from beneath her other’s blouse, her own little knitted martini jumper covering her slender body, purring as she curls up on her sleeping Roxy, “He needed it remember? He was getting stir crazy, restless. “The feline explains to the upset bird. Her tail thumping patiently beside her.

“I know man, we didn’t want to keep him in a snear, But he didn’t need to leave us unaware! “ Roz caws in annoyance, ruffling her feathers anxiously as she shifts her gaze over to the stomping pair in the kitchen, “I’m worried about them, They’re already in their own mayhem. “

The felines face grew somewhat sombre, her eyes lowering as she replies to the crow’s worried mumblings, “They should be returning any day now, it’s been a good two years since he began this journey and he did mention he will try to be back sometime this summer. "

"Let's hope so."

follow my original here 030

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19894684/chapters/47120731

[dreadnought-despair]

[CHAPTER 1 - 018]

[PREVIOUS] [NEXT]

Well, I'd talked to... mostly everyone. A few among us still hid their secrets in the shadows, but we had a day before MONO-9000 would air our dirty laundry to the world. Maybe the stragglers would come to terms with things before then. Whether they did or not, one thing was for sure-- nobody was going to die over any of this gossip. What kind of people did that robot think we were? Honestly.

It was about lunchtime, so I headed over to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. On my way out, though, I heard chatter coming from the rec room... I decided to peek in and see what was going on.

Several people were crowded around the shelf of movies against the far wall. Honoka looked to be in charge, as usual.

"Is there really nothing any good here?"

"Not that I can see..."

"Someone went out of their way to pick the most childish, pointless movies possible for this room. I don't know why I even bother."

"Are you trying to tell me Kool Kat Saves The Kids isn't a masterpiece of modern cinema?"

"What the fuck? That can't be real." Ishi snatched the plastic case from his hands and stared at the cover. A moment of silence, a sigh of resignation. "...It's real."

"I'd recommend you don't take any of Michi's movie picks at face value..."

"Wow. Wow. I'm hurt, Tim."

"Oh!" Honoka looked up, apparently having just noticed my presence. "Timaeus! We're having a movie night tonight at 9, and everyone's invited!"

"O-oh, okay... why a movie night?"

"I think it's a good idea for everyone to spend some time together! Just because we're stuck up here doesn't mean we can't have fun!"

"Ah yes, because love and friendship's gonna make everything better, right?"

"I don't see you coming up with any ideas, smartass." Ishi stuck her tongue out at him, and he let out a snicker.

"W-well I also think we should stick together, y'know, in case... s-something happens... Not that anything will happen! But just to be safe..."

"N-no, I think it sounds like a good idea! But there's just not really anything to watch..."

"Oh, I think there might be one more place on this ship with movies, if my hunch is correct..." They looked up at Riko with a grin.

"..."

"..."

"...Fine. I have collector's editions of all the Star Trek movies and TV series in my dorm. But if you get a single scratch on those discs..."

Aoi pumped their fists in victory.

"Riko, you're a lifesaver!"

“Which one are we gonna watch? Is it the one with Chris Pine in it? Tim, you like Chris Pine, right?” Thanks for announcing my celebrity crush to the entire room, Ishi.

“No, we’re going to watch a real Star Trek movie,” Riko hissed.

“Aw, the Abrams movies aren’t that bad! Though I feel like they don’t really capture the spirit of the original show...”

With that, Riko stalked off towards the dorms, Aoi tagging along behind as they debated which movie would be the best introduction to the series.

"So now we just need snacks, and decorations, and invitations--"

"I don't think it needs to be that big of an ordeal..."

"Speak for yourself, I want free food!"

“Maybe one of the kitchen-dwellers will help us out...”

With our feature film decided, the impromptu party planning committee made its way back out to the cafeteria, where we found a few more of the students eating lunch. Jurou was the first to notice and wave us over, cordial as always.

"Well howdy! What's the big ol' crowd here for?"

"D-did something happen?" Vasundhara looked like she was doing better than before, but her voice was still a little panicky.

"No no, everything's fine! We were just thinking about watching a movie tonight..."

"Oh, that sounds lovely!~"

"Hrm... At a time like this?" Siegfried didn't seem so impressed by the idea... though I suppose at this point, that's to be expected.

"Well, why not? We could all use some cheering up! Especially you, mister grumpyguts." Honoka bopped him on the shoulder with her cane, provoking a grumble from her target and a snort-laugh from Jurou.

"Sounds like a plan, hawhaw! I'm in!"

"Y-yeah, I'll go if everyone else is going..."

“...!” Kapono nodded brightly.

"Come on, Sieg, would it kill you to lighten up a little?"

"Ja? It could, in fact, kill me! Or do you forget the danger we are in?"

"In that case... isn't there safety in numbers? Nobody's gonna try anything in a room full of witnesses! I love a handsome lone wolf as much as anybody else, but wandering around by yourself is such an easy way to get killed...~"

Salvatore grinned his shark-tooth grin up at Siegfried, who frowned back at him as he tried to decide if that was a threat or a pick-up line.

"... Fine."

"Alright! Let's break out the popcorn! Yeehaw!" Jurou whooped and hopped up from his chair.

"Oh, right! Jurou, I was gonna talk to you about the snack situation..."

He bobbed his head excitedly. "'Course I'll help! I can throw y'all together some--"

"Okay, this is just getting ridiculous! I'm not gonna sit back and watch this any longer!"

"AAAH! Where’d ya come from?!"

“The door, dumbass!”

Alas, we would never find out Jurou's favorite movie snack, as our conversation was interrupted by the worst possible intruder.

"HEY! Fuck off!" Ishi bellowed as soon as she sighted MONO-9000’s glaring eye. 

"Man... right on cue, huh."

"..."

"What the hell are you doing here?!"

"B-b-but we haven't d-done anything wrong..."

"That's right! We haven't broken any of your rules!"

"Well not technically I guess... But you're totally missing the spirit of the game!"

"The spirit of the game...?”

“What the fuck does THAT have to do with anything?!"

"Listen, it was bad enough that you people had such boring-ass backstories to work with in the first place! Then half of you just straight up told everyone your darkest secrets with your lives on the line and now you're planning a MOVIE NIGHT?! That's just disrespectful!"

He waved his claws at us as if all this was somehow our fault.

"S-so what? You're the one that kidnapped us!"

"YEAH!! You fuckin' drag him, Tim!"

"Heaven forbid we communicate like reasonable human beings, right?"

“I can do some cartwheels for you if we’re not entertaining enough!”

"Man, if I'd know you people were gonna be such frakking goody-two-shoes... I guess I'm just gonna have to resort to boring old Plan B!"

“I got a baaad feeling ‘bout this...”

"W-was meinen sie--"

A microphone popped out of a hatch in MONO-9000's chassis, and suddenly his voice boomed from every speaker in the room-- and presumably, every speaker on the station.

"The kitchen, pantry, and all other sources of food will be locked away until SOMEONE gets off their ass and kills somebody! Rationally discuss your way out of THAT one, meatbags!"

“W-w-what?!”

"What the FUCK?!"

“Holy shit?”

"Y-you can't just do that--"

Honoka's outburst was interrupted by the SLAM of a sturdy metal grate over the entrance to the kitchen. Apparently, he could just do that. Rather than respond to the sudden chaos, MONO-9000 simply whined to himelf as he bobbed away from the cafeteria.

"Weh... I thought my motive was cool..."

It wasn't long before the rest of the students stampeded into the room, having just heard the announcement themselves.

"What the hell is going on?!"

"God, I knew someone was gonna fuck this up..."

“Everybody stay calm, we can--”

"What are we gonna do what are we gonna do--"

"I told you this was a terrible idea! And now we all suffer for it!"

"I-I'm sorry I'm sorry--"

"EVERYBODY SHUT UUUUUUUP!!!"

Gugalanna's roar silenced (and deafened) the room as she stood on one of the tables and glared around at the crowd.

"YOU PENDEJOS FACE DEATH LIKE COWARDS!! IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED? GIVING UP AT THE SLIGHTEST DANGER AND SQUEALING LIKE PIGS?! I REFUSE TO MEET MY MAKER SURROUNDED BY BICKERING CHANCHITOS!!"

I wasn't sure what a pendejo or a chanchito was, but neither sounded terribly flattering. Salvatore took advantage of the silence to try and calm things down.

"She's right, you know. Pointing fingers is useless.”

“MONO-9000 wasn’t going to just let us be, no matter what we did..."

"B-but if I hadn't said anything..." Honoka started to stammer out, but Salvatore cut her off.

"Don't blame yourself for what was a logical idea at the time, dear. In fact, I think we should go through with it! What's the movie?"

"Oh? We were trying to decide between the first Star Trek movie or Wrath of Khan, but..." 

"You can’t be serious!" Siegfried growled.

“I-I don’t really feel like watching anything now...”

"Ah... but it’s like Sal was saying earlier! It's safest for us to stick together."

“I think I’d rather just hole up in my room and fucking starve to death, if that’s chill.”

“No one’s stopping you, dear. But I think it’s too soon to give up on escaping--”

This time, Salvatore was interrupted by a much higher-pitched voice.

“Y-y-you really still think we can just-- up and leave this place?! We’re in space! MONO could kill us any moment now! He knows everything little thing about us! A-and now there’s no food and we’re fifty bajillion miles from home and we--”

“N-Nik! Nik are you-- listen, we’re gonna figure something out j-just take a deep breath...”

“Jesus, this is a mess.”

“If we can just get a distress signal out, maybe someone will find us and--”

“But there’s no way we could get to the communication systems from where we are--”

“There’s gotta be something we can do, right? But right now we need to--”

“There is no time for this silly dancing around the truth! Someone must die, and we all know it!”

“Cut that shit out, Sieg, you are not helping--”

“D-don’t say that!! Uwaaaaaahh!”

“Th-they gotta be lookin’ for us! My folks are out there! They gotta be!”

“This is all fuckin’ bullshit!!”

“Jesus Christ, you people are gonna give me a migraine.”

“Excuse me, Gugalanna, would you...”

The Bull of Heaven nodded and stomped on the table again. That was an... extremely sturdy table.

“QUIIIIIEEEEEETTTTTTTT!!!”

Another silence fell over the cafeteria, much more tense than the last one.

“We are all obviously too worked up about this to come up with a reasonable plan of action.”

“Tell me about it...”

“Tomorrow we should regroup, and if no one’s had any ideas overnight we can search the station one more time. Until then...”

“...I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a Star Trek movie!”

“...You still want to...?”

“Yeah! S-sorry there won’t be any snacks, though...”

“That’s not your fault, you know...”

“Yeah I’m not going. Have fun with your nerd movies or whatever. Don’t knock unless you find some food, bye.” With that pleasant parting remark, Tiffani staggered off back to the dorms, prompting the rest of the crowd to begin to disperse.

“I suppose I will see you tonight... those who choose to come.”

“What are you gonna do, Tim?”

“Oh... me?”

I’d gotten so lost trying to keep up with the pandemonium that I hadn’t really thought about how I felt about the situation. This punishment from MONO-9000 really did sound like a death sentence... but was there still a chance, like Yusra had said, of setting off a distress signal? Would someone come to help us?

There was one thing I did know for sure, though-- nothing like that would get resolved tonight. Tomorrow, maybe, we could find answers... We just needed to get through tonight. I did wonder if it would be safer to just stay locked up, but...

“I’m gonna go to the movie night. Better to mope around with some friends and a movie than mope around by myself, right?”

“You just wanna see Chris Pine one more time, don’t cha?”

“Shut up.”

[PREVIOUS] [NEXT]

[se-anubis]

Using freestyle to cast is very tricky

Okay, so, the one thing every nigga's thought of a BILLION times: using their freestyle skills instead of sitting down and writing a spell.

This is typically thought up by lazy ass motherfuckers that can't sit still and think of a poem. Ie, yours truly.

See, the thing is...you can't come at it like that. You can't just think that this is the easy way to cast. Cuz it isn't.

First things first: ignore all this fake shit. Fuck all this Drake shit. It's time to replace it. Y'all know just what I'm talking about; this fake ass, manufactured shit that keeps coming out. Real rap as an art is about pain.

See, Rap is already magic. You just uninspired and vibrating on a low frequency. Or you listening to weak shit. Or both. Rap started for two reasons: to escape our struggle, but also to lash out against it. So if it's not woke rap about the systems of oppression we face today, then it's gotta be fun as hell. I'm talking Cupid Shuffle level fun. I want y'all to think GhettoMusick. I want y'all to think of the shit y'all heard the Get Down Brother's do when you should have been watching that documentary on the Qianlong emperor for your class. Fun Rap is party music. WHOLESOME party music. You can talk about drugs and sex in wholesome party music. But when you GLORIFY abuse of such? Yeah, that's not wholesome. If you can't hear what the fuck is being said, that's not music. And if it doesn't resonate with your SOUL? Then it's NOT good rap.

You want to use rap and hiphop and r&b for magic? You gotta stop listening to shit just cuz it's catchy. Find an artist that resonates with you on a spiritual level​. Focus on them. Do they make you feel their pain? Do they help you forget yours for just a minute? These are the questions you need to answer.

Now comes the harder part: YOU GOTTA GOOD, NIGGA!

Look, if you're trying to manifest a job using your bars, and you in the middle of it going "this shit is whack". Guess what? You played yourself. You gotta like your own shit before you put it out to the universe. You expect the ancestors to be charmed by your rhymes if you don't even like them? You think the gods will give you something good in exchange for something you think is trash? Nah. Even if you sound like shit, if YOU think you're doing well, that adds power to your words. More power, more likelihood of the spell working.

Secondly, you need practice. More flow more power. I don't just mean end rhymes. Use internal rhyme. Use repeated rhythm. Don't change stress pattern too much. If you need to change something, keep everything around it the same so the change feels gradual (ex: changing the rhyming sound? Keep the rhythm and stress the same). Now, I'm not a poet, nor am I a real rapper. I'm just a dude that knows what kinda sounds good. But guess what, that's good enough because...

You don't have to be Busta Rhymes. You don't have to be Wyclef. You don't have to be Eminem. It doesn't matter if you're faster than lightning or slower than a glacier. You don't have to be the absolute best rapper out there, you just have to be the best you can be at that moment.

Oh, and stay focused! It's easy to freestyle when you're saying random shit. And it's easy when you're talking up yourself. But how easy is it when you're offering a devotion to Aset on the first full moon of the year? You HAVE to stay on track when you try to use freestyle to cast. Best case scenario, nothing happens. Worst case scenario, you wind up with a lot of trouble you didn't intend on.

And finally, stay Black. This is a Black genre made in response to Black struggles. The closer you identify yourself with your own Blackness, whatever form that may take, in that moment, the stronger you'll be. Don't try and use that voice you use on your White friend's parents. Talk like a hood nigga if you from the hood, an island nigga if you from the island, a country nigga if you from the country, etc. Carry as little of your colonized mind into this space as possible. You were watching NBC earlier, but now you watching BET, get what I'm saying?

What this also means is that you should use this in connection with any African, Diaspora, or Afro-centric practice/religion/belief system you're working with. Work with Orishas? Let Obatala hear a tune, he'll love it. Trying to open your spiritual eye and gain knowledge of self? Then ride your mind high with the most Afro-futurist verse you can think of. Does this mean you'll lose power if, say, you're working with Thor? Probably not, all I'm saying is that the same type of connection won't be there. If you want that connection to remain so as to make your magic stronger, you gotta get crafty. What I'm saying is, rap about being the first Black chick in Valhalla if that's what it takes. Bottom line: for best results, Stay Black.

And that's basically everything that comes to mind at 2am. Hope this is helpful to some people.

[jazi-j-sims]

THE DELGADOS - In My Purse Challenge

  "What's up guys it's Demi & Deidre here with another videooo!" Demi said with her usual vibrant, dramatics of elaborate gestures and goofy facial expressions. It was normally the intro to Demi and Deidre's YouTube videos but Deidre secretly couldn't stand it. 

Deidre slightly rolled her eyes and hoped that Demi didn't pick up on it during the video edits or better yet, their 2 and a half million subscribers didn't take notice. Matching her sister's smile she looked straight into the camera and quickly added "So we've been getting a lot... scratch that... A WHOLE LOT... of requests to do the "In My Purse Challenge" and today we have a surprise for y'all. Demi and I have decided to include our mom in the mix."

"Yeah boy!" Demi said as she pumped her fists in the air. "We're also adding a twist, we want you guys to comment whose purse is most like yours, whose purse you like the best... WHATEVER... and the one with the most comments is the winner. Of course I already know y'all gonna pick your girl" Demi smirked as she used both her thumbs to point at herself.

"Yeah whatever" Deidre scoffed, this time elaborately rolling her eyes. "So anyways the two losers will be the winner's slaves for a whole week!" "AAAAND because we always wanna include YOU our clan we're giving away custom made monogrammed t-shirts with your family name to the first 10 people to comment! So without further ado -"  

"LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" Deidre and Demi shouted in unison.

"Delgado-Fan-Fam-And-Clan this lovely lady here is my clone!" Deidre stated while Demi, dancing like Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, softly sung Isn't She Lovely a bit off key.

Aisha chuckled as her daughters flanked her. She quickly struck a pose and the girls followed suite.

"Okee jokes aside this is our lovely mama" Demi said "As some of you may know she's the editor-in-chief at Delgado Bazaar fashion magazine, a judge on Project Catwalk, stylist to the stars and she's the brains behind a lot of our subscriber fashion giveaways. Yup all that and she still finds time for us and our little brother... ooh and Dad!"

"Because she's dun-duh-duh-dunnn... SUPER WOMAN!" Deidre states gesturing her hands as if she's about to take flight. Demi starts humming Alicia Keys's Superwoman. "And because you're so awesome and inspiring -"

"AWE-SPIRING" Demi cuts in.

"You get to go first!!" Deidre finished with a grin. 

"What?!" Aisha says "Well ok but let me warn you there's A LOT in here..."

*few minutes later* "Whoa!" Deidre said as her mother finished emptying all the contents of her handbag unto a glass table on one of the balconies, overlooking their pristine back yard and the desert skyline. "You weren't kidding; your bag looks like a hoarder's paradise mom!"

"Yup, that's what happens when you're a working mom."

"It's like you got a little bit of everything in there." Demi added as she scanned her mom's stuff.

"Sure do" Aisha replied. "I've got gadgets for work, toilettries, credit cards, money, makeup, Snacks for Asaud, Birth Control because dear sim-Lord FORBIDS we should have another kid running around here anytime soon; oh and the latest issue of Delgados Bazaar... so to all you working moms out there watching you should get a copy. It speaks on how to be a workaholic and a great mama at the same time... because YES you can have the best of both worlds!"

"Well said mom." Demi stated "Well normally I'd say we save the best for last, me of course, but I lost a coin toss to Deidre earlier so I gotta go next."

"Hmmm condoms ehh?" Aisha's expression was quizzical

"Mom!" Demi could feel the blood rushing to her face. "They gave them to us in Sex Ed."

"Girl don't even try lying to me." Aisha wagged her finger in Demi's direction. "Everyone knows they don't give out Trojans! Well at least you got your mama’s taste"

"Eeeew mom but she has a point Demi." Deidre shrugged .

"Oh shut up! Before I -" 

"Wait, both of you be quiet! Why is it that you have got a C on this paper?"

"Uuuggh!" Demi began to protest "Mom can we not do this right now?!"  

"Yeah mom. Deidre said. "We're gonna have a hell of a lot of editing to do."

Aisha smirked in response, with a slight wave of her hand to signal they carry on with shooting the video.

"So as you guys can see my purse isn't as cluttered as mom's..." Demi glanced in her mother's direction. Smirking she quickly added "and in case you are all wondering why I got a C on my test well because someone who will remain nameless asked me to help with a project for the Delgado Bazzaar website."

Aisha returned her daughter's gaze "Lest you forget that someone didn't merely ask you to help out. She's paying you a hefty sum for your time, so you should be grateful and at least bring home an above average grade so THAT SOMEONE... ME can stick it on the fridge and brag to all her friends."

"Mom no offense but we're waaay past that. Don't worry you got Asaud for that though." Deidre said patting her mom on the back. "What do you have here Demi."

"Well the norm... my laptop, my hair products, toiletries, cash, spare keys to dad's Benz; yup he's the coolest... and makeup because duh it's essential!" Aisha rolled her eyes. "I ought to have a talk with Derrick. Your asses should be taking the bus!" "MOM!" both girls shrieked in unison. "Who does that?!" Deidre carried on "All the girls at Oasis Springs Prep drive to school or they get chauffeured." "Sure, because you're all privileged! I had to take the bus and let me tell you the bus system in Jamaica was no joke when I was your age. Sometimes -" "OKAAAY!" Demi cut in. "Mom I'm sure everyone wants to hear of your wild days in Jamaica but we gotta save that for another video. Deidre it's your turn."

"Wait hold up!" Aisha said  as she scanned the contents of the Louis Vouitton tote Deidre had placed on the table. "That bag looks verrry familiar."

"Well in my defence mom you have hundreds of bags and this one looked lonely, that's all." Deidre grinned sheepishly. "Now if I may carry on, here are the contents of my bag guys"

"You mean my bag that you stole" Aisha grinned.

"Whatever mom. I wear it better."  Deidre teased. 

"Hold on, why am I just noticing your obsession with unicorns? Your laptop, journal, notebook and even your phone case!"

"Not to mention her obsession with Pepsi! Apparently she's saving the cans now." Demi picked up an empty Pepsi can with a disgusted look on her face. "Girl your bag's a hot mess. It's called In My Purse Challenge not In My Dumpster Challenge!"

Both Aisha and Demi started chuckling. 

Deidre rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time and swatted Demi's hand causing her to drop the Pepsi can back on the table. "Moving right along... mom here's a pic Asaud drew when I picked him up from school a few days ago. You can place that on the fridge."

"Wait why did you pick up Asaud and why haven't you started those packs of birth control?" Aisha pointed at the little blue pills she had gotten her youngest daughter a few weeks prior. They had agreed that since she’d be 16 in a few months she could start dating. Aisha was always blunt with the girls about sex, teen pregnancy and pretty much everything in life and even though the girls both claimed they weren’t seeing anyone and didn’t need birth control, Aisha didn’t want to leave anything to chance.

"Um... uhh..." Deidre stuttered, she shot a nervous look at Demi. Aisha turned to face Demi's direction a stern look on her face. "Well can you give me an answer? Since you're the one that's suppose to be picking him up?" "Umm, I had to stay back after school to work on a project with Lacey for -"  

"BULLSHIT!" Aisha snapped, cutting Demi off. "But hold on keep that lying thought. Just gimmie a second." Turning to face her other daughter she continued "Why haven't you started taking those pills Deidre?"

"Well I don't need them Mom, I told you..."

"Yeah... so you don't have a boyfriend now... you might one day and one thing might lead to another and I am not ready for no grand-baby!"  

"Mom do you ever listen?! You won't be getting any... EVER... at least not from me. I don't want kids and I'm..." 

"What are you trying to say?!?" Aisha's facial expression was a mixture of shock and fear.

Sensing the drama that was building  Demi quickly stopped the video that was still rolling and stepped in between her mom and sister. "Mom Deidre is... uh... she's had a long day ok. Can we all just call this quits?"

"No." Aisha shook her head firmly. "I need to get to the bottom of this and someone better start talking before everyone gets an ass whooping!"

Placing her hand on Demi's shoulder, as if to excuse her of the big sister duty of defending her Deidre quickly chimed in "She's right Demi." She looked away for a second gathering all the confidence she had. "Mom I'm into unicorns and rainbows and boys.......but.... mostly girls... I'm bisexual." 

Aisha felt all the blood in her face drain. It seemed they were coming out her eyes because she could feel heavy hot droplets on her cheeks. "What. When. How... WHY?! You're just 15 you don't know what you want!"

"MOM!" Demi shot her mother a glare she wouldn't normally dare but she always felt the need to protect her little sister. Trying to remain assertive but respectful she added "That's enough ok. Let's just all go downstairs and have dinner before someone says something they’ll regret."

Aisha sank in a nearby chair. The girls watched as she mulled over the shock of her youngest daughter's news. She could feel the girls's eyes piercing her like four bullets. "Go. Just go, both of you."

Deidre breathed out a sigh of relief. She wasn't even aware until then that she had been holding her breath. Demi tugged on her arm and both girls practically ran downstairs, making their way to the  dinning room.

[recentanimenews]

Shield Hero Fans Go Nuts for Raphtalia's Swimsuit and Naofumi's Leveling Spree!

  Hear ye, hear ye, it's that time you've been waiting for every week: Shield Hero time! If you haven't watched this week's episode of The Rising of the Shield Hero, please shield your eyes from these spoilers!

  **SPOILERS AHEAD**

  We start this week's episode with... new allies? I know Naofumi's name was cleared and all, but there's still a lot of people out there that still treat him like a criminal, so making new allies seems like a huge change of pace here! Nevertheless, we meet the BEST TEAM's bunkmates: L'Arc and Therese. Before they got too chummy, Raphtalia couldn't understand a word Therese was saying and asked if she was foreigner.

  Well, that was convenient! The language barrier is something Naofumi totally forgot about, since his handy dandy shield already translates everything for him. Now we can get to know our new allies! As Naofumi introduces himself... both L'Arc and Therese burst out in laughter? Wow, rude!

But they don't believe Naofumi to be ACTUAL Shield Hero, after all, the Shield Hero is an evil guy that deals with stuff like scames, blackmail and kidnappings. He can even get anyone who ends up annoying him killed! Truly an evil guy, right? Ahh...seems like news of Naofumi's name being cleared hasn't reached far and wide yet.

Even with L'Arc saying all those untrue things about the Shield Hero, he also believes that Naofumi himself doesn't have those terrible qualities, and that he's truly a good guy! Seems like they'll still be able to get along...hopefully! L'Arc still believes Naofumi's just hiding his real name, but he's too easy-going to care, which totally works for the Shield Hero team, because they offer to party up to take advantage of the Cal Mira's level boosts. The more, the merrier!

Before any real plans are set in stone, Naofumi gets summoned to meet the ship's crew. Something about getting the crew excited with having the Four Cardinal Heroes onboard... but how exciting can that be when three of 'em are total chumps? Ah well, at least Naofumi can share what he learned about the weapons' system: if you trust and believe the info about the systems that are told to you, they unlock and you can use them! It's a pretty big discovery and definitely some vital info that all Heroes need to know.

We are treated to the most sorry sight in this episodes: the three hero stooges being completely seasick and even unable to stand! "How are you okay, Naofumi?," they ask. Gee, is it because he's not a total lightweight like y'all?! Pathetic! How can the ship's crew even get excited over this?! Whatever, it's time to talk about the ever-important system discovery... but what's this? They don't even want to hear about anything "complicated" because their condition will worsen. Seriously? These three hero stooges will help with the Waves? Oh Naofumi... you have your work cut out for you!

What's hilarious to me is that L'Arc and Therese just stroll on by and they don't really pay much attention to the three sickly idiot heroes! I wonder if they know that those three are the Heroes of legend that will help save their world. Anyway, enough about the baka trio, Therese has a request for Naofumi, and she'll pay the big bucks for it! She heard from Raphtalia that he's quite skilled in jewel crafting, so she wants him to make her an accessory she could use. Since he's already getting the materials and he'll be paid, why not?

The BEST TEAM finally reach Cal Mira! The island is a popular spot with the tourists, and with good reason: it looks like a beatiful and relaxing vacation spot! But that's not the only reason that Cal Mira gained its fame; apparently the past Four Cardinal Heroes trained at the island, making it a big draw for travelers. With all of this bringing tourists and adventurers from all over, there's some rules they all gotta follow, like avoiding barging into other adventurers' battles to steal their prey... Isn't that basically telling them not to kill steal? Truly, this is an MMO! 

    Along with that weird totem pole-ish looking statue, there's an epigraph left behind by a Cardinal Hero? Nah, that can't be right, it's totally bogus--WOAH, it actually worked! So the legend of the previous Cardinal Heroes coming to train here wasn't a lie after all! In the midst of this discovery, L'Arc and Therese find our crew and make plans to party up for the leveling spree. Seems like Naofumi took a liking to those two! Hopefully they can stay allies for a long time... fingers crossed! With plans being set, why don't we see what leveling in Cal Mira is all about before calling it a day?

    Even low-level monsters give an ample amount of experience points! Excellent! And they spawn infinitely? Definitely a great area to farm some levels, that's for sure. But as with any leveling spree... after fighting the same weak enemies over and over, no matter how much exp. points they give, it becomes a total chore. It's time for some excitement; where are the higher level bosses?! 

    Wait a sec... why isn't anyone gaining exp. points all of the sudden? And then the three stooges heroes appear... of course they would all kill steal from one another! The three are quick to get territorial and  proceed to bicker and yell at each other. How old are these three again? 'Cause they sound like they're 6 right now.

    Naofumi's had enough of this farce and leaves to a higher level area. Finally, some excitement and that sweet exp. points boost! Not to mention better drops too; Raphtalia and Filo were able to get newer weapons to fight the higher level monsters with. With all this leveling... how is Naofumi not tired? Isn't he still cursed from his Blood Sacrifice curse? He couldn't hide this fact from Raphtalia, who urged Naofumi to rest. She's really the best girl! 

    Just on cue, L'Arc and Therese find the Shield Hero team, and they were worried about not seeing them come back to the main island. Having people worry over him is not something Naofumi is used to, and with Raphtalia, L'Arc and Therese teaming up to say "hey, enough is enough, pal," he can't refuse their offer to call it quits for the day. But not without drinking!

    Most of the time that Naofumi and crew gather with others, it ends up in chaos, but this time it was... really enjoyable! Getting some R&R without any trouble is such a rarity, so they enjoy as much as they can. We see Filo singing, Raphtalia being buff and destroying any fools who dare to challenge her, and Naofumi being indestructible when it comes to alcohol. It's a real treat to see the BEST TEAM enjoying themselves like this! 

    The next morning comes (thankfully, no hangovers!), and it's time to level like crazy with L'Arc and Therese! But not before Naofumi handing over the promised accessory he said he'd make for Therese. It's such a gorgeous looking accessory too made from a rare and vibrant red Starfire! She's so overjoyed that...she's crying? "The jewel is filled with joy," she says as she praises Naofumi's skills. I wonder if her hobbies lie in creating, collecting  and analyzing accessories. Naofumi did such an amazing job that Therese wants to shower him with all the money! Wow, I guess he won't be worrying about going broke for awhile, huh?

    Now they're ready to kick some butt and gain some levels! With a bigger and balanced party, leveling was a breeze; the BEST TEAM reached level 70! However, now gaining more exp. points got to be a drag with the lower level enemies, and y'all know what that means: time to take on the area's boss!

  Therese uses her strange new skill from the accessory she got from Naofumi on the mob...but with Naofumi in the mob?! What's the big idea, Therese?! Are our new allies traitors?! No... that's not right. The skill obliterates the enemies, but it didn't harm a hair on Naofumi. And in addition to that, it seems to have lifted the curse on Naofumi? What the heck is this skill?! 

Our team chalks it up to it being just another strange spell in the already strange world they're in. As they all split their loot, there's an apparent "weird" item that dropped. What was it? Unfortunately, WE NEVER GET AN ANSWER. Why?! I want to know! Will this come up later? Will it be important later?! TELL ME!!

Mystery item aside... Naofumi, Raphtalia and Filo have worked very hard, so why not time for a break? Let's go to the beach and relax! Filo looks adorable with her cute pigtails and swimsuit; an angel of the sea! And Raphtalia? Dear LORD, she's a knockout with her swimsuit! Buuut... Naofumi pays zero attention to that as Filo tells him that she's discovered an interesting new area to check out underwater.

    Haha, ohmygod, those outfits... Naofumi has a strange sense of style! Where did he get those penguin onesies?! As ridiculous as those outfits are, it lets them get by underwater to see where this mystery place is. And they sure found it, but it was sealed tight. How were they to get inside? Naofumi lightly touches the door and it reacts to his shield, opening and making a path for them. But wait, there's air inside? Just what is this place?

    Surprise! There's a dragon hourglass here, hidden away in this island! It looks identical to the one at the cathedral back in the capital too. This... is terrible news, because any place with one of these hourglasses can be attacked by a Wave. What's worse, this hourglass reads that there's only TWO DAYS before the next Wave hits this area. WELP, I guess good thing everyone's been doing their leveling, right? We can only hope the other three idiots have been leving as well. How difficult will this Wave be? Will the Four Cardinal Heroes protect the islands and successfully defeat all the enemies? Will Glass show up again? And what was that mystery item they got while leveling?! We won't know until next week's episode as we get closer to this season's finale!

  While we wait for our burning questions to be answered, let's get to the best part of this segment: your reactions! What did y'all think of this week's The Rising of the Shield Hero episode? Let's find out!

  This is what we wanted ???????????? pic.twitter.com/9QN6WUjAMl

— Giovanny Barrantes ジ��???? (@SomecallmeGeo) June 12, 2019

  Drunktalia is the stronger girl pic.twitter.com/mjGfQdnUA0

— Ginto (@Ginto62) June 12, 2019

  Don't mess with Raphtalia when she's had some of that drink ????????#shieldhero pic.twitter.com/8hAm1VnSi1

— Chandler Ingram (@Chandler_Ingram) June 12, 2019

  Best Ponytail ever ! #shieldhero pic.twitter.com/PWAqEy9lLZ

— Ginto (@Ginto62) June 12, 2019

  #shieldhero cute pic.twitter.com/T1rnG8bNye

— ???? Caio Hope ❤️ (@CaioHope) June 12, 2019

  Filo solo concert when? I would pay big money for it. #shieldhero pic.twitter.com/MaTZQz1ymz

— Henry兄さん???? (@TheHenkuku) June 12, 2019

  Therese is cute. ????#ShieldHero pic.twitter.com/7e5WidxcA5

— Matsukaze Kuki (@MatsukazeKuki) June 12, 2019

  Loves seeing them all team up if only for a short time. Made a hell of a team #shieldhero pic.twitter.com/I7tDb3bF11

— Chandler Ingram (@Chandler_Ingram) June 12, 2019

  An hourglass here of all places???? ???? and a wave is about to hit in just 2 days!!!!!#shieldhero　#盾の勇者の成り上がり pic.twitter.com/JSxhCsriNh

— ✨Diego The Royal✨ (@prodegyxtinct) June 12, 2019

  My Best Boys are cool now, right? They're allowed to be buds now, right?#ShieldHero ❤️???? pic.twitter.com/gkZrbPRBlh

— Matsukaze Kuki (@MatsukazeKuki) June 12, 2019

  ah, yes! another cute Shield Hero episode!!! ????????????

— Kirie (@Kirie_Zero) June 12, 2019

Give some love to the official Shield Hero Twitter and Facebook fan page where you can discuss the latest episode with fans every week! 

Watch The Rising of the Shield Hero on Crunchyroll

----

Nicole is a features writer and editor for Crunchyroll. Known for punching dudes in Yakuza games on her Twitch channel while professing her love for Majima. She also has a blog, Figuratively Speaking. Follow her on Twitter: @ellyberries

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[theactor007]

101 questions: Answers

Ok since SOMEONE wanted me to answer all 101 questions...( if it's the person I'm thinking it is...just know you suck). It's almost 6 in the morning be grateful. So here we go! Long add post ahead just a fair warning. (I need to stop reblogging this crap.)

1. I have white walls, blue carpet, black desk, and a variety of colors and hues due to posters, pops, collectables, etc.

2. Probably my drama/ Chorus teacher, Mrs. Monahan. She's the one who taught me the most about my life.

3. Theatre, Kingdom Hearts, learning, laughing, Lilo and Stitch, (wow I'm a dork)

4. Lol I don't drink coffee

5. My so called "dad bod." How I am with women I like.

6. Accept that you have flaws. They are as much a part of you as the good stuff. But don't focus on the bad focus on what makes you strong, unique. You are you and that's beautiful.

7. I do not have stuff animals.

8. Probably drawing.

9. Usually in the fetal position on my right side on the left side of my bed.

10. Being on stage, the imagination of kids, making someone else smile.

11. Small town easily.

12. Two story house on the beach. Hardwood floors, a balcony overlooking the water, and a game room.

13. I'd honestly love like three dogs. A husky/wolf mix, Tibetan Mastiff, and a Shepard.

14. I have not dyed my hair as of now. But I am looking into getting some darker low lights. I'm yet.

15. To each his own. I personally don't have one, but I'm not gonna judge if you do.

16. Look at 15.

17. Art is all around you. Just use what you see and feel to guide your pen/brush/body etc.

18. I was in middle school. I just got off the bus, was in a really good mood bopping along. I walk in the house, didn't even lay my bad down when I saw my sister with tears in her eyes. She looks at me and says We're picking Funeral music now. My Great Grandmother. So yea.

19. Not so much playlists as much in the order they are in my phone.

20.

My best friend, Nate, Kerry, a few others.

21. Honestly as much as I try to, no. My main priority is making Every one else happy. Usually.

22. Usually typos.

23. Demon Hunter if you like metal. Dear Evan Hansen is amazing. I've been listening to Gorillaz recently so them too.

24. Plain.

25. Yea it's worth a shot at least

26. Nah I didn't see the eclipse. Tried to. But nope not really.

27. Nature is peace. Makes you realize you a part of something bigger than you. The birds chirping, the breeze, just beautiful.

28. Well I'm a hardworking, kind-hearted, socially awkward 22 year old. I enjoy theatre, video games, and making people happy. I will do anything and everything for my friends. I'm a proud dork, but with a wise mind.

29. I listen to basically anything. My music goes from Heavy metal to rap To Game music to Broadway to Disney to 80s.

30.

Probably Hot Topic. Most of my wardrobe is graphic tees. And no better place to get it from Hot Topic.

31.

I really don't shop at either. Name brand I guess?

32. What are s.o clothes?

33. I started Tumblr 2-3 years ago..something like that. I made it cause the girl I liked said I should make one. She help me make it and everything.

34. Wash my face every now and then. I really don't have a face care plan tbh

35. I prefer freckles, but both are equally cute!

36. Hate. And peas.

37. I used to have hot wheels cars. I loved organizing them into lines. Drive em around and line em up. Idk I was wierd.

38. Eh depends on the day

39. Games I use. Pops just sit there. I really don't buy a whole lot of expensive things.

40. Standardized testing in schools. Don't get me started.

41. I am constantly asking for advice. Can't learn if you don't know.

42. I mean prefer bras off but anyway!

43. Lol comfy. T-shirt, shorts, and flip flops is where it's at!

44. Honestly one of the better dates I've gone on. We went to the jazz festival and ended up going to a very nice restaurant. Watched the band play for a while. Went to the movies after and then went back to her place and we talked for like 3 hours. It was a good time. (She later went on to break my heart, but moving on!)

45. I am Christianso that should answer it.

46. I don't drink nearly enough water. I should drink more but I don't.

47. I mean it's good. It's unique. My hair naturally makes a nice little swoop so that's nice.

48. It's cloudy but the sun should be rising here soon.

49.

I'd like to think of be a King, but chances are I'd be a Prince. More like the Other Prince in Into the Woods. The one who isn't Charming.

50. If I'm dressing up it's my black button up, blue jeans, and whatever the nicest pair of sneakers is. (I don't dress up a lot)

51. My hair, my kind-heart, my ethics,

52. I'd like to think I'm open minded.

53. I don't judge. Come as you are. Everyone's got stuff that has made them who they are. If I can be one person who they can talk to about that stuff then I've done my job.

54.

I like to plan ahead as much as I can, but I have ADD so you do the math.

55.

Love learning, Hate the education system.

56.

German Shepard/Sharpei mix named Stitch. He's about 70 pounds of fluff and is as much a dork as I am. He's all bark no bite. Hes loves whoever comes in.

57. I don't like milk.

58. Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Overwatch, LOZ, Assassins Creed, oh and Lilo and Stitch.

59. Pandora.

60. Brave.

61. LILO AND STITCH!

62. (I'm getting my questions from my gallery cause I'm on mobile and I didn't get 62 so yea)

63. Once I get the notification that it needs to be updated it takes me like two weeks of ignoring it to actually update. Once I get tired of the notifications like 20 min.

64. I'm in mobile so it's this stupid question list. I still hate you.

65. Lilo and Stitch probably. STITCH and I have a lot in common. The themes, soundtrack, artwork absotuly beautiful. The jokes are still funny. The characters still amaze me. Just amazing.

66. I've seen one Studio Ghibli movie, Princess Monoke and I enjoyed it.

67.

If I'm playing games headphones are off. If music it's cranking loud as it can get!

68. All the time if by doing small things even If I don't say it verbally.

69. Kingdom Hearts, pops, Lilo and Stitch, I feel like I've answered this question a couple times.

70. God I want a partner. Someone to cuddle with, talk about life with, someone who will listen to me and support me. Someone I can be me around with.

71. Dr. Pepper

72. I'll talk to anyone who will listen. But the person who knew me the best and most intimately was the reason I created this Tumblr. Hope your doing well kid.

73. Ok let's see. Thomas Sanders' personal blog, FuckyeahKingdomHearts, the few mutuals I have, y'all know who you are,

74. To be truly happy with the one I'm supposed to spend forever with.

75. Of course! Is there any other place to sing?

76. I shave like once a week maybe. Mostly the cheeks. I trim my mustache and goatee if needed.

77. Over worrying.

78. Sometimes.

79. There are good and bad days. I try to.

80. It was like freshman year ( maybe 8th grade.) But I went with some friends around a riche part of town. Lol I went as Joseph from the Bible, like no joke. Got a lot of candy. It was good time.

81. It was the last day of third grade. I went to climb the monkey bars. I got to the first bar and fell cause my hands were sweaty. Bit my head on all three rungs to the ladder on the way down. Busted my head open and went home early. I think I still have the scar.

82. I'm tired man it's late for me. Long night at work.

83. My stupid ass had to reblog this. And I was expecting like answer like a few questions. No big deal. NOPE!! Some anon was like hey do All of em! So here I am on mobile, without Wi-Fi, I've been working all night, I've had to take pictures of this just so I can get it done. And I've been going at this now for like 2 hours. It's past my bedtime! I'm pretty sure I know who asked me this, because they have a habit of asking this type stuff. And if it is just know you suck so much. Ok end rant.

84. I say i don't care what people think, but I do. A lot. I worry that I'm being annoying or that I'm being that kid that everyone says hi to out of pity. I worry that I may bother some people. When in a relationship i constantly worry that I'm not doing my job right. That I've made her unhappy or something. It's a bad habit.

85. If both parties are working at it yes. Long distance can work. You gotta have a lot of trust. If there's the slightest bit of mistrust it can crumble in an instant.

86. Depending on how much younger. And yea if date someone older. I went on a date with a 35 year old once. Granted didn't know she was 35 till the date but she still had a great time.

87. Jim Carrey, the late Robin Williams, my great-grandfather whom I was named after, Obama, Hayley Joel Is many, the voice of Stitch.

88. I honestly don't remember.

89. 21st. I got my tattoo on the day before. Then me and my friends went to Disney Springs for the day and had a great time. A lot of laughs. I didn't drink but still had a great time!

[nunquamidem]

Denechamps 10th Anniversary Draft Analysis: Yahoo Sucks Edition

Intro:

Alright, assholes. As Devin so eloquently stated in Vegas, the message boards have gone to shit. I'm not sure if it's because we all talk via group text, use the in-app messenger, or what, but we gotta get back to our roots.

For me, that means comprehensive analysis of everything, as long as it makes me look good. Fortunately, y'all made it easy to kick things off with your collective shit-ass drafting skills.

Zach got so high he fell into a deep sleep and dreamed about drafting a decent team, Devin managed to sober draft his way to the 3rd worst team in the league, Pat ordered a $200 bottle of Tito's to pair with his league-leading 8 steals in the draft, and I reached on Shady with the 3rd overall pick and still managed to put together a better team than all of you.

Enough exposition - let's get into it!

You All Have Low-T:

No, I'm not talking about the type of "Low-T" that's got Chris popping Viagra and snorting powdered deer penis like it's a line of coke at a frat party - I'm talking about the revolutionary new scoring system I developed to showcase how good I am.

"Let me guess - your dumb shit new score says you had the best draft?"

You're goddamn right it did.

"Alright, I'll bite. What is it and why did you make that corny ass dad joke about Low-T?"

Ah, yeah! Well, it's called the "T-Score", because of course I named it after myself.

How does it work? Well, it's an aggregate grade based on a number of factors and data sources. I used FantasyPros ECR (which in itself is an aggregate grade of the 25 top fantasy experts in 2016), Yahoo's "Draft Report Card" grade converted into a number grade, and FootballGuys' draft analysis combined with Pat's pre-draft survey. The last one there is actually really interesting, but I'll get into greater detail on that in a sec.

"Okay, wow, don't care. Just show me the scores."

Ask and you shall receive:

“What are the boxes around the “FFG” scores?”

Well, that’s where I used Pat’s survey data and integrated it with FootballGuys’ post-draft playoff probabilities. Everyone graded themselves and the rest of the league on their perceived talent and fantasy football savvy. I took the “Skill” and “Rank” grades, combined them into a single “Grade”, and divided them into tiers based on 1/3 percentiles. Here’s what that all looked like:

On the right, you’ll see the final combined “Grade” along with clear demarcations for each tier.

“You’re losing me. What does any of this have to do with anything?”

When you input a team into FootballGuys’ draft analyzer, they spit out a calculation of how likely you are to make the playoffs with said team. This is calculated using our league settings and their own proprietary algorithmic magic, and is presented in three talent tiers: Great in-season management, Good in-season management, and Average in-season management. Hence the tiers! I haven’t been able to do the math because the league record book isn’t up and running yet, but I’d venture to guess the tiers derived from Pat’s survey would line up pretty well with everyone’s individual records over the past few years. Isn’t it neat when data backs up reality?

Anyway, let’s get to the team-by-team breakdown. I’ll be presenting all the data I aggregated for each team in order of “T-Score”, so you might as well scroll right by #1, cause it ain’t you.

Team Breakdowns:

#1 Theo:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

FLEX (1st)

RB2 (1st)

QB (2nd)

Weaknesses:

WR1 (9th)

WR2 (9th)

Notes:

In spite of having dogshit, bottom-of-the-barrel wide receivers, I still managed to draft the best overall team in the league. Plenty of RB depth - perhaps even too much - will hopefully mitigate my garbage-tier WRs and lack of depth at the position. 

And just think - what happens if AP goes down? Mark Ingram is RB1. And if Gillislee takes over Blount’s roll in NE, as a 10th round pick? Hot damn!

With the best starters in the league and the 4th best bench, expectations are high.

#2 Mikey:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

WR1 (1st)

K (1st)

DST (2nd)

Weaknesses:

FLEX (9th)

RB1 (7th)

WR2 (7th)

Notes:

Mikey did well to draft a team whose starters will all likely churn out steady points week in and week out. Brown is a sure thing (even if he scares me), Zeke plays behind a super-good offensive line (when he’s not on the couch serving his suspension or assaulting women), and Gore is a guaranteed 3-4 points per week. I his team struggling out the gate without Zeke, though, because I don’t see a ton big-play potential on the team outside of AB. Maybe Demarco?

#3 Pat:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

WR1 (2nd)

K (2nd)

Flex (3rd)

Weaknesses:

RB1 (9th)

QB (6th)

DST (6th)

Notes:

In strikingly non-Pat fashion, this team is lacking at RB. Ever the fan of Gurley (#9 RB1 based on ECR), this team really strikes me as boom-or-bust. Luck is a huge question mark with his injury, who knows who will be throwing to Nuk (and if he’ll get back to ‘15 fantasy relevance), and Gurley and Hyde are hardly sure things. A solid bench should buoy any regression or injuries, but a deep bench can be torture when you’re trying to decide who to start at FLEX.

#4 Dustin:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

WR2 (3rd)

WR1 (4th)

RB1 (4th)

Weaknesses:

DST (9th)

K (8th)

RB2 (7th)

Notes:

Dustin's team is a mystery. I really like Freeman at RB1, but as a Ty Montgomery holder last year, I'm not sure how much I trust him at RB2. Jordan Reed is guaranteed to spend some time injured, Baldwin's ceiling is inexorably tied to how well the 'Hawks o-line plays, and A.J. Green has to slow down at some point... right? CMac, Maclin, and Parker could help down the stretch, but there will be a lot of questions until the season starts rolling.

#5 Chris:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

TE (2nd)

WR1 (3rd)

RB2 (5th)

Weaknesses:

QB (10th)

K (9th)

WR2 (8th)

Notes:

I don't trust Howard, Mixon is a rookie playing behind a subpar o-line with TD-vulture-extraordinaire Jeremy Hill looming, Watkins is a tackle or two away from shattering his everything, and none of the bench guys here really catch my eye. I could be wrong, but outside of OBJ and Kelce I don't see a lot going on, and the latter isn’t really a sure thing himself. Chris knows how to make moves, though, so I anticipate a different - stronger - team once the season gets underway.

#6 Ashley:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

TE (1st)

DST (1st)

RB1 (2nd)

Weaknesses:

RB2 (9th)

QB (8th)

WR1 (8th)

Notes:

To absolutely nobody’s surprise, Ash took Gronk. Assuming he stays healthy, it’ll add some much needed firepower (and more TD’s for me through Brady) to her team. Outside of Gronk and Bell, there really isn’t a whole lot going on. KC DST is ranked #1 by FPros ECR and Crosby #3, which is nice, but streaming has made drafted kickers and defenses borderline obsolete. I don't trust Abdullah, Alshon, or Fitzgerald (because of RB competition, QB/injury, and age respectively), and T.Y. Hilton is only good if Luck stays healthy. A single injury could completely derail this team.

#7 Shoob:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

QB (1st) FLEX (2nd) RB1 (5th)

Weaknesses:

TE (10th) RB2 (8th) DST (8th)

Notes:

FootballGuys’ straight up loved Shoob’s team, while FantasyPros and Yahoo thought it was butts. Just goes to show you why it’s imperative to pull from multiple data sources! I, personally, see some cause for concern. Rodgers is great, but has had rough starts to the year the past couple seasons. His WRs are also a cause for concern: Jordy is getting older, I see a regression to the mean for Cobb and don’t know if I trust Adams - even if he’s on my team. Ajayi could be huge, but he could also cake his pants - 22% of his yards came on six 30-plus yard carries, which is a stat I chalk up to luck moreso than talent. Ware is nursing injuries and has to fend off Hunt coming for his touches. Who’s throwing to DT? Will Thomas step up as a true WR1 now that Cooks has departed to NE? Speaking of Cooks (a pick I loved, by the way), will he pay dividends in Bellichick’s system? Lots of question marks, but I’m inclined to side more with FootballGuys’ analysis than Yahoo and FantasyPros on this team.

#8 Jeremy:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

WR2 (1st)

DST (2nd)

QB (5th)

Weaknesses:

RB1 (10th)

TE (7th)

RB2 (6th)

Notes:

Another team that FootballGuys’ loved and FantasyPros/Yahoo hated. Pat’s survey placed Jeremy in the bottom tier of managers in the league, though, which gave Jeremy the 75% figure rather than the 90% he’d have secured with a higher survey grade. That  knocked him down from the #6 T-Score to #8. I personally don't trust Jeremy's team at all. I don't trust Wilson (notes from my draft board: o-line sucks, won't sit in the pocket and deliver, prefers to roll out but has taken a beating - due for an injury?), Lynch is old, Cook is a rookie who will compete with Murray (edge: experience) and McKinnon (edge: physicality / goal-line vulture), Jordy is a RZ target maven but is getting up there in age and injuries are a concern, Pryor is still learning WR, Texans DST is going to disappoint with their now patchwork secondary, and there's not much startable help on the bench. Lots of upside pieces on this team, but I get the feeling that everything has to go right for ol' Jer-bear to sniff the postseason.

#9 Devin:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

RB2 (2nd)

WR2 (2nd)

QB (7th)

Weaknesses:

RB1 (8th)

TE (8th)

FLEX (8th)

Notes:

Devin really put together a mixed bag here..

Panthers don't want Cam to run, but Cam is good at running. Hope and pray that Benjamin dad-dicks the league the way he did JJo last preaseaon game, or you're in for disappointment. Fournette is a rookie on a team that's going to be playing from behind a lot with an average o-line, but he has an easy schedule and little competition. I haaaaaaaaaaaaated the Lamar Miller pick - Texans' line is in-flux at best/garbage at worst, and BoB wants to work Foreman and Blue into the gameplan more. Dez was a reach. Cooper is solid if he can get his TDs up. AP is old and probably won't account for more than 60% of NO's carries (assuming he stays healthy). Everything else is just... varying levels of "meh"

#10 Zach:

FantasyPros ECR:

FootballGuys’ Playoff Odds:

Strengths:

RB1 (1st)

Weaknesses:

RB2 (10th) WR1 (10th) WR2 (10th)

Notes:

Yeesh.

Let’s all take a second to appreciate that David Johnson ended up on what is essentially a non-competing team.

Zach. Buddy. The weed, liquor, and pursuit of poon that came with the Vegas draft really did a number to your team.

Let me list out the players you reached on (i.e., drafted 2+ rounds before their ADP, according to FantasyPros ECR):

Kelvin Benjamin (#96) Tyreek Hill (#82) Brandon Marshall (#104) Eli Manning (#107) Derrick Henry (#84) Zach Ertz (#98) Randall Cobb (#130) Sebastian Janikowski (#231) Jamaal Charles (#124) Kevin White (#162) Antonio Gates (#186)

Again, yeesh.

Et cetera:

Curious to see how everybody voted in Pat’s poll? Be curious no more! I had to guess who submitted what, so it might not be perfect, but there are only a couple that were in question.

Interesting anomalies:

Skill

The only people who believe Devin to be anything bordering on competent are Zach, Jeremy, and Devin himself.

Devin, Chris, and Zach think considerably less about Pat’s skill level than the rest of the league.

The only person go give me a sub-5 grade? None other than the reigning Sacko himself, Devin!

Devin and Mikey have much higher opinions of Jeremy than the rest of the league.

Ashley was the only person to receive no “Skill” grades over 5 from her peers.

Mikey, Jeremy, and Shoob were the kindest voters.

Dustin, Chris, and Ashley were the most critical voters.

Team Name commonalities:

Conclusion:

That’s it! This took way longer than I had planned, but here we are. Now go forth and post dumb shit on the message board!