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aquaquadrant · 3 years

Text

the little things

Kenji’s mouth is dry. “Ben…?” he croaks out.

Ben swallows. “Oh,” he says, in a very small voice. “It’s you.”

~*~

Ben’s been reunited with the other campers, and seems to have come out the other end of his experience stronger than ever before. But as he slowly finds his place back within the group, a bigger picture starts to emerge, piece by piece.

Rated T for: mental illness, mild language, panic attacks, PTSD, anxiety, insomnia, eating disorder (not in a traditional sense, but definitely not a healthy relationship with food)

A/N: Hey Camp Cretaceous fandom, y’all mind if I uhhhh write six-thousand words about Ben’s trauma?? Basically, Netflix kept recommending the show to me so I watched the first ep out of curiosity and then ended up binging the whole thing in like two days, and now here I am.

(Dear sweet, patient, regular readers of mine: I’m so sorry my main fic’s been delayed but I promise it’s getting updated next week, I just had to get some feelings out about Sad Dino Boy)

Hope you enjoy, please reblog and leave a comment if you do! - Aqua

Click here to read on A03 (with more complete tags)

~*~

the little things

~*~

Ben Pincus has returned from the dead, and he’s never been better.

The other campers are amazed. What he’s been through must have been horrible. He thought he was the only one left, that there was no one to help him and no hope of rescue because he was presumed dead. It would’ve been enough to drive anyone into despair, or off of the deep end.

But Ben shows no signs of this.

They didn’t find him holed up somewhere, near starvation and waiting to die, like one might’ve expected. They didn’t find him at all, really. He found them, and by coming to their rescue, no less. And when he did, he wasn’t a trembling mess, he wasn’t a half-mad ball of paranoia, and he wasn’t a hollow-eyed skeleton fueled solely by desperation.

He’s an all new and improved Ben, the best version of himself.

He hasn’t just survived, he’s flourished. He’s brave, he’s confident, he’s capable. He gives his opinions freely and without second-guessing himself, suggesting things the old Ben would’ve recoiled at. He fits seamlessly into the team like he never left. He faces problems head-on with determination and grit and not a trace of fear.

The turnaround is unbelievable. But even more important is that while he’s a new and improved Ben, he’s retained all the best parts of his old self.

Ben is easy smiles and meticulous organization of a leather waist bag and doting affection for a four-ton armored lizard. He’s sensitive and soft-spoken and accepts hugs from his friends gratefully. He still can’t quite pull off coolness, with a voice that sounds as gangly as his limbs look and an awkwardness he hasn’t grown out of.

And it’s perhaps because of this that no one thinks to look closer. This image is an easy thing to accept because it’s what they all want to believe, that Ben is okay- in fact, better than okay. But the truth is not always big and obvious upon first glance.

It’s the little things, as they soon find out.

~*~

That first evening after Ben’s return, after Mitch and Tiff and everything else, they don’t eat dinner.

They all ate their fill at the campsite and, after a month of scarcity, it was more than enough to sate their appetites. It’s Darius who thinks to ask Ben if he’s hungry, remembering that the boy hadn’t had the chance to eat with them. They have a good stockpile of food at the moment and he figures Ben must’ve been struggling.

But Ben shakes his head with an easy smile, and says, “Nah, I ate earlier.”

Darius leaves it at that, because there’s still so much catching up to do. They show Ben around their clubhouse, make plans for where to build a bunk for him (he insists he’d be just fine sleeping on the ground next to Bumpy, but they all veto that immediately). They talk well into the night about the day’s crazy events, filling each other in on their own sides of the story, and everything that’s happened since Ben got separated.

There are some more tears, some more hugs. But ultimately, the mood in the clubhouse is ecstatic. They never thought Ben had survived the fall so to have him back is better than a dream come true, it’s a miracle.

Darius thought he knew what it was to experience a miracle when they first saw that bonfire smoke on the horizon. But if he had to chose between the miracle of them finally leaving the island or the miracle of getting Ben back, it’s not even a competition.

Eventually the exhaustion catches up with everyone, and they turn in for the night. Bumpy parks herself underneath the clubhouse, her presence incredibly reassuring. Ben ends up sharing Kenji’s bunk because it’s bigger than Darius’s even when occupied by two, and the older teen had insisted in a very faux-casual way, to which Ben had rolled his eyes but nonetheless seemed touched by the gesture.

Darius takes the first night watch shift and gets to see all his friends sleeping peacefully. And even though Tiff sailed away with their only means for escaping, he feels a lot more hopeful than he has in a long time.

~*~

It’s canned peaches for breakfast.

A far cry from yesterday’s buffet. But no one’s complaining because the meticulous rationing of their food, courtesy of Darius, means they’re all starving by meal time and couldn’t care less what it tastes like. Darius is in the process of separating the food out into bowls, half a can for each of them, when he realizes Ben has yet to take a seat. He’s lingering at the edge of the room, watching.

“Hey,” Darius calls, “you coming or what?”

Ben shakes his head. “Thanks, but I already got my own breakfast.”

Before Darius can respond, Brooklynn shoots Ben a look. “What? Where?” she demands. “You holding out on us, jungle boy?”

Darius shoots her a look, but Ben just gives an easy smile and unzips the leather pouch that’s reclaimed its spot around his waist. He withdraws a small handful of bright red berries, no bigger than blueberries. It’s not even a fraction of the half-can of peaches the rest of them are settling for, and Darius sees his own unease reflected in the others’ eyes.

Brooklynn glances away. “Oh. Um, sorry. You don’t… you can have some of ours, you know?”

“I’m good.” Ben tosses a couple berries into his mouth. “You guys go ahead, I’m gonna go check on Bumpy.”

“O- oh, okay…” Sammy murmurs, watching Ben go with uncertain eyes. “If you’re sure…”

They’re silent for a moment.

Kenji inhales quietly through his teeth. “So… that’s weird, right?”

Yaz leans forward in her seat. “What do you think, Darius?” she asks lowly.

Darius bites his lip. Even though dinosaurs are his specific topic of interest, he’s gained a lot of second-hand knowledge about general biology and psychology. After all, he has to understand the processes behind behavior in order to identify patterns and deviations.

And right now, he has to admit that Ben is displaying a very concerning behavior.

“I’ll talk to him,” Darius decides.

There’s a collective sigh of relief around the table, and the others start eating. It takes Darius longer than usual to finish his serving.

~*~

“So, uh, bottom line is… you don’t need to feel bad about eating our food. You’re as much a part of this group as anyone else, and we’re happy to share.”

After a couple tense days, Darius is finally talking to Ben about the food situation. Or rather, talking at him. Because Ben’s not looking at Darius- his eyes are tracking the small spider that’s crawling along the railing next to them. Normally, Darius would take it as a sign of boredom and inattentiveness. But there’s an intensity in Ben’s eye that’s a little unsettling-

Quick as a flash, Ben shoots out an arm. He crushes the spider under his thumb and swipes it into his mouth. And then, untroubled as can be, he returns his focus to Darius as if nothing had happened.

Darius has overheard Kenji teasing Ben about eating bugs, and Ben has admitted as much in the stories of his time alone. Berries and grubs were what he lived on. Darius, for one, can’t imagine being hungry and desperate enough to snatch a bug off the ground and eat it.

But it’s even harder to imagine having access to real food, good food, and still choosing to eat bugs.

“Don’t worry so much,” Ben says lightly, patting Darius on the shoulder as he turns to go. “I can take care of myself.”

That does it. “You can’t keep living off berries and grubs!” Darius finally snaps.

Ben whirls around. “Says who?”

“Basic human biology!” Darius retorts.

Ben glares at him, but there’s something shaky behind it. “Darius, I told you it’s fine,” he says evenly, though he doesn’t fully meet Darius’s gaze. “Don’t make a big deal out of it. Please? If I’m hungry, I’ll eat.”

Darius hesitates. “You promise?”

Ben breaks into an easy smile. “I promise.”

Darius sighs. It’ll have to be good enough, for now.

“Okay.”

~*~

Darius knows he isn’t the only one still concerned by Ben’s lack of appetite.

Right from the start, Ben was the scrawniest one among them, and it’s only gotten worse. But surely he’ll have to eat at some point, right? Basic survival instincts will win out over whatever stubborn mindset is holding him back. Plus, it’s clear that he’s got enough energy to run and climb and stuff with no problem.

Maybe it’s not as serious as Darius thinks. Maybe Ben just needs time.

~*~

Ben doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.

He just- he can’t take their food! Why don’t they get that?

And it’s not because he’s stubborn, it’s not- no matter what Darius thinks. There’s nothing wrong with letting others help you (as long as you don’t let it make you soft, of course). After all, he relies on Bumpy. He just… when he looks at the food, and imagines eating it, he just knows it’ll sit in his stomach. Like a rock, weighing him down.

Plus, plus, if he gets used to eating like that, it’ll just- it’ll be harder to cope once it runs out. He’s already gotten used to roughing it and it was hard enough the first time, he can’t let himself slip back into complacency. And- and really, how long do they think it’s going to last? They’ve searched all the previously inhabited areas of the island and there’s no more food for them to scavenge.

Do they think they’ll be rescued before it runs out? No one is coming to save them. They know it as much as Ben does- they wouldn’t be bothering with rafts if they didn’t. Do they think they’ll escape, then? Sure, because their current attempts have been going so well.

No, they just aren’t thinking long term. Ben is.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

~*~

It’s the sixth day in a row where Ben eats nothing but berries.

He wants to search around some more, see if there’s anything more substantial. That would require him to leave Bumpy, though. And he can’t leave Bumpy. But the hunger is excruciating. It gnaws at him every waking moment, keeps him up at night. He’s never felt such hunger in his life, not even close. He can’t keep going like this, can he?

But there’s nothing else.

Except… something’s crawling up his arm. Something small, and leggy. Ben turns his head, squinting to focus his eyes in the dark. It’s some kind of beetle, with a shiny shell that catches stray shafts of moonlight poking through the roof of his lean-to.

Ben stares at it for a moment. Then, before he can think, he snatches it up and pops it into his mouth. He barely registers any taste, mostly just the crunchy texture. And even though it wasn’t any bigger than a quarter, after he swallows, he feels… fuller. Even if it’s purely imagined, it’s a comfort.

Berries and grubs. It’ll have to be enough.

There’s nothing else.

~*~

Ben continues to decline their offers of food.

~*~

A few weeks after the reunion, Kenji is starting to get antsy.

As the self-designated ‘pro-fun police’ (a clever play on ‘no-fun police,’ if Kenji does say so himself), he’s made it his responsibility to make sure none of his friends just keel over and die from stress one day. That means it’s his job- no, his duty- to lighten the mood with copious amounts of joking, goofing off, and, of course, pranking.

Jumping out to scare his friends while they’re trapped on a dino-infested island might, on paper, sound like a bad idea. But it keeps everyone on their toes, and the relief of realizing they aren’t facing a dino attack, just Kenji pulling a prank, helps keep any real anger at bay. It’s typically an exasperated annoyance, which Kenji will gladly take. His main targets are Brooklynn and Darius, because he can’t fathom doing that to Sammy, and Yaz is- while perhaps in the most need of lightening up- super freaking scary.

But now that Ben’s back, Kenji knows what he has to do.

Before, back when they were just campers and not survivors, Ben was easily the most frightened of them. The kid was scared of dirt. And his over-the-top hysterics always managed to, somehow, put everyone else at ease. Because if Ben was scared of something, that didn’t really mean anything. Again; scared of dirt.

(Now, if Yaz is scared of something, that’s a different story).

Since Ben’s, uh… departure, they’ve been sorely lacking that energy in the group. Kenji would wager he’s not the only one who misses it. He used to have so much fun riling Ben up with just a couple words (none of the others are so easily baited). And whenever Ben would freak out and instantly cling to him, like some kind of scrawny spider monkey, it made Kenji feel… capable, in a way.

Like, if Ben was trusting Kenji to protect him, maybe he wasn’t so useless after all (which was becoming an all too frequent feeling as the others continued to adapt and grow, leaving Kenji struggling to keep up).

Problem is, Ben’s really hard to scare now.

It’s not always obvious, like when he’s bragging about taking down Toro or itching to blow things up. Sometimes it’s the little things. Whenever they’re out in a group, foraging or gathering supplies, and there’s a sound in the distance that makes them all freeze, Ben’s frozen in readiness, not fear. He looks more like Yaz, tense and waiting with his fists up and eyes narrowed.

Sometimes, when they aren’t occupied by any particular task or imminent threat, and have the chance to enjoy some downtime, Ben drifts off to the side and just… watches, all tense, silent, and anxious. He’ll watch the tree line, or Bumpy on the ground below, or even just the rest of them as they go about their business. Kenji is sure he’s not the only one who’s noticed but none of them bring it up.

It’s… unsettling, seeing Ben like this. Kenji figured he just needed a couple weeks to fall back into the rhythm of the group, to see that he didn’t have to be this loner Rambo type of guy anymore. But even though he talks with them easy enough, seems to enjoy their company, and has a good handle on teamwork, it’s like there’s a part of him that can’t fully shake that mentality.

At least, not without help.

~*~

Kenji’s plan is- in his humble opinion- pretty dang brilliant.

He waits for a time when it’s just him and Ben in the main level of the clubhouse (Yaz is running laps around their perimeter, Darius is in his bunk writing in his nerd book, Brooklynn and Sammy are upstairs going over inventory) and then announces he’s going for a shower. His daily showers are common knowledge at this point, so Ben just nods in acknowledgement and goes back to leaning against the railing, watching Bumpy graze down below in that tense-silent-anxious way of his.

Kenji sets up the shower and lets it run (he’ll go down to the river later and get more water to make up for the waste, because even though he tries to avoid manual labor whenever possible, it’s totally worth it in this case). And then, being more careful and silent than he’s ever been (except maybe in cases where he’s being hunted by dinos), he slowly creeps up behind Ben before leaping forward with a shriek, grabbing him by the shoulders.

Ben doesn’t just jump and scream. He jumps, screams, then spins around and swings a fist into Kenji’s jaw in one smooth motion.

Kenji’s laughing even as he staggers back, his jaw stinging (because at the end of the day, even though Ben’s kind of a badass now, he’s still Ben and his arms are pretty much chicken wings so there’s no real harm done, just a bruise at most). Plus that’s a valid reaction, considering everything, and he can’t say he didn’t deserve it.

“Oh man, I totally got you!” Kenji says anyways, to rub it in. “You should see your… face...”

And Kenji trails off because now he’s seeing Ben’s face.

What Kenji expected is this:

Once Ben realized it was just him pulling a prank, he would get mad. In that totally non-threatening dorky Ben way, where he scrunches his nose and puffs out his cheeks, his little fists clenched at his side like an irate toddler. Maybe he’d stomp off but it’d be worth it because being mad is better than being tense-silent-anxious and it’d give him the chance to be annoyed with Kenji. And maybe Ben being annoyed with Kenji would help everything feel a little more normal, a little more like before.

What Kenji gets is this:

Once Ben realizes it was just him pulling a prank, he doesn’t get mad. He starts shaking. Violently, uncontrollably. Like he’s suddenly come down with hypothermia despite being in a tropical jungle, staring at Kenji all the while and not saying a word. His chest rises and falls rapidly in little panicky breaths and the kind of fear in his eyes isn’t the kind that’s funny. It’s glassy-eyed with shrunken pupils that dart around Kenji’s face, frightened and searching, as if he isn’t fully seeing it.

Kenji’s mouth is dry. “Ben…?” he croaks out.

Ben swallows. “Oh,” he says, in a very small voice. “It’s you.”

Kenji hasn’t heard Ben’s voice sound that small since before, and it doesn’t feel like a victory.

By now, of course, the others have noticed the commotion and it doesn’t take more than a second for them to piece together what happened. Yaz rounds on Kenji with a furious snarl and whisper-screams a lecture about how stupid and irresponsible he is. Darius is immediately trying to mediate the situation while Sammy frantically asks Ben if he’s okay, to which he doesn’t respond. Brooklynn steps in, citing an unboxing video about dealing with shock, and when she goes to put a hand on Ben’s shoulder, he lets her.

And now Kenji realizes where he miscalculated. Ben never showed discomfort with physical contact before because he’d never been surprised by it before (because Ben has gotten scary good at being alert, always keeping an eye and an ear out on his surroundings even in the middle of a conversation). And when it came to his friends, it wasn’t unexpected for Sammy to rush in with a hug or Darius to pat his shoulder or Brooklynn to playfully knock elbows.

But Kenji snuck up on him, so Ben’s first thought wasn’t that it was a friend. It was that he was going to have to run for his life, like he has countless times since being stranded on this island.

Kenji apologizes over and over again as Darius gently leads him away by the elbow and Brooklynn talks to Ben in low tones while Sammy squeezes his hand and Yaz takes up a lookout position because they can’t afford for all of them to be distracted even though she occasionally cuts a glare at Kenji out of the corner of her eye so it’s really debatable how vigilant she’s actually being.

Throughout it all, Ben doesn’t get mad, but he doesn’t stop shaking.

~*~

Darius explains it, later.

“The sudden fear reaction signaled a bunch of adrenaline to be released into his bloodstream, to give him the energy needed for running. And then, when he didn’t, there was nowhere for that energy to go. It’s like, even though his mind knew there wasn’t any danger, his body wasn’t convinced.” Then, a sympathetic look. “You didn’t know, man.”

Kenji only nods. But knowing doesn’t make it better because even though Ben’s stopped shaking he doesn’t turn his back on Kenji anymore and somehow that’s a million times worse than if he’d gotten mad.

~*~

There are claws wrapped around Ben’s shoulders and shrieks in his ears.

Wind whips his face and his stomach lurches as he’s carried through the air, weightless, at the mercy of the Pteranodon. He’s never felt so small and utterly helpless before, not once in his life. Even his screams aren’t big enough to carry, snatched away by the wind and deafened by the roars of the terror-birds fighting over the right to tear him limb from limb.

And then he’s falling and has other things to worry about.

~*~

Ben stops sharing Kenji’s bunk.

~*~

In a rare moment of downtime, Yasmina is curled up with Darius’s field guide, adding a few more illustrations, when she feels Ben staring at her.

It’s not the first time she’s felt him staring at her. It is the first time, however, that she decides to stare back.

She means it to be playful, at first. She meets his eyes, one brow quirked as if to say, ‘What, is there something on my face?’ But instead of glancing away in sheepish embarrassment or jolting out of a daze, Ben just stares back. There’s no emotion in his expression at all except intense focus.

The faint smile drops from Yasmina’s face as she stares back in surprise. Then, with ever-growing confusion and a fair amount of alarm, she realizes that Ben’s shoulders are rising, tense and hunched like he’s trying to make himself look bigger.

Like an animal.

Yasmina knows what it is to stare down a wild animal. She’s felt predatory eyes on her before and either bolted or turned to face the challenge. And that’s what it is, for some of the dinos- a challenge. Sometimes they’re testing your mettle, and standing your ground is enough to make them back off.

Ben must’ve learned that, too. And for whatever reason, he’s slipping into that behavior now.

It’s a ridiculous thought. This is Ben, her friend. Her very scrawny friend who can’t weigh more than ninety pounds soaking wet, and prefers a diet of berries and grubs. And yet, here he is, staring her down like she’s a particularly bold pack of Compies that’s decided to threaten him.

Yasmina gives a slow, deliberate blink. “Ben?” she calls. “What’s up?”

Just like that, the spell is broken. Ben gives a violent start, blinking and shaking his head. Yasmina sees confusion flash across his face, and then realization. And now the embarrassment comes, but it’s darkened by something like horror.

Without a word, Ben turns and darts away, scrambling down the ladder to the alcove underneath the house where Bumpy’s napping.

Yasmina lets him go, too baffled and unsettled to form words.

~*~

Eventually, Yasmina tells Darius about it.

His expression is troubled as she runs through the incident. But in the end, there’s nothing more he can tell her than what she’s already worked out on her own. It’s just another side effect of the mindset Ben has adopted throughout his isolation. Those habits were what he relied on to survive, and it’ll take time for him to realize he doesn’t have to constantly be on edge now that he’s got a team to look out for him.

Though privately, Yasmina wonders if maybe the rest of them should take a page out of Ben’s book. Seems like he’s got a better handle on survival than they do.

(And then she thinks how Sammy would react, if Yasmina started acting like a wary animal around her, and she realizes Ben’s methods come with a price.)

~*~

After Ben runs the Compies off for the first time, staring becomes a defense tactic.

It’s not always the Compies, who are slowly but surely learning not to mess with him. Sometimes it’s the Parasaurolophus in the river, or the lone Pteranodon perched in a tree, or the group of Edmontosauruses grazing on the hilltop. As soon as he feels their eyes on him, he knows his best chance is to stare back, to show that he’s willing to put up a fight, that chasing him wouldn’t be worth it.

Obviously, there are some dinosaurs that doesn’t work on. But if Ben can drastically cut down the amount of time spent running for his life by standing his ground, then he’ll take it.

All he has to do is not back down.

~*~

Ben avoids Yasmina for the next few days.

~*~

Brooklynn wakes up in the middle of the night with an unshakeable feeling that something is wrong.

Her bad feeling is confirmed when she gets a look at the moon. Based on its position in the sky, she should’ve been woken up by Ben to take her night watch shift at least an hour ago. This practice, established by Darius months ago who insisted they should always have at least one person awake, has already become routine within the group. Brooklynn couldn’t sleep fully through the night if she tried.

Ben’s only just recently become a part of the routine. Immediately after his return, Darius thought it best just to let Ben settle in and get as much rest as he could, now that he had the security to do so, and everyone agreed. Ben had insisted he didn’t mind, but Darius stood firm, so it’s only been within the last few days that Ben took part.

But this is the first time he hasn’t woken Brooklynn up and her heart is in her throat as she rushes to the lookout point-

Only to find Ben sitting right where he’s supposed to be, looking out over their compound as a small candle burns next to him.

As soon as Brooklynn’s relief passes, it’s replaced with anger. “What are you doing?” she whispers furiously.

Ben, not at all surprised by her presence, gives her a sidelong look. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“You were supposed to wake me up, so I could do night watch.” Brooklynn struggles to keep her voice low, so as not to alert the others. “What gives?”

Ben shrugs. “I knew I wasn’t gonna sleep tonight, so I figured I’d just take the whole watch myself.”

“That’s not how this works,” Brooklynn hisses, crossing her arms. “Even if you can’t fall asleep- and I’ve totally been there- you have to lay down and close your eyes and rest. You need to rest.”

Ben breaks into an easy smile, but Brooklynn can see the annoyed creases at his eyes. “Hey, it’s fine. I can-”

“Take care of yourself, I know,” Brooklynn interrupts, hating how frustrated she sounds but unable to help it. “But you don’t have to. We’re a team. We can take care of you too, alright?”

Ben stares at her for a moment. “I know that,” he says, sounding uncertain.

Brooklynn softens. When she reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder, he lets her. “Then… why?”

“I don’t know,” Ben admits. The muscles beneath Brooklynn’s hand are so tense, it feels like they’re going to snap. “I don’t know.”

They finish the night watch together.

~*~

Brooklynn almost hates to bring it up to Darius.

Dude’s stressing almost nonstop about everything, all the time. And it really isn’t fair for him to be responsible for the rest of them, including Ben. But Darius is the only one who seems to have the… what’s it called, emotional intelligence, she supposes, to weigh in on the situation.

(Sammy is a close second, but her brand of caring is a little more touchy-feely, and this doesn’t seem like the right time for that.)

Darius is immediately worried, pointing out that Ben might accidentally fall asleep on watch if he keeps this up (something Brooklynn hadn’t even thought about). He promises to talk to Ben about it, and that’s that.

Brooklynn is only slightly relieved because she knows if Darius had a real fix for the problem, he would’ve said so. And if Darius doesn’t have a fix for it, maybe there isn’t one.

~*~

Those first several nights, Ben doesn’t sleep at all.

And it’s not for lack of trying. But how can he sleep, when it’s pitch black and the jungle is full of unfamiliar sounds and he’s got no one but a baby Ankylosaurus by his side? He soon finds it’s even worse without Bumpy, though, because at least he trusted that Bumpy would wake up if there was any danger, as her senses are more powerful than his.

On his own, there’s no one to wake him up. So he has to stay up, and settle for catching short scattered naps throughout the day (if he can find a tree to hide up in).

It’s hard, but he’d rather be tired than dead.

~*~

Ben is taken off night watch, but still ends up awake more often than not.

~*~

Pyromaniac is a word no one ever expected to become synonymous with Ben, and yet here they are.

It’s one of the first things he always suggests as an answer to a problem; blow something up. Darius has a million reasons for them not to do that; they could get hurt, they could start a wildfire and burn the jungle down, they could attract unwanted attention from predators.

But that doesn’t stop Ben from cataloguing everything on the island that can be used as an explosive, memorizing their locations or creating hidden stashes. It doesn’t stop him from using the candles that came with the scavenged emergency kits. He’ll light them for no reason, just to watch the small flame flicker back and forth.

(Someday, months later, they’ll encounter a horrific hybrid dinosaur that is drawn to flames, and they’ll all think about how unsettling it is that Ben shares this trait, but none of them will say it.)

~*~

It’s been one week since Bumpy left, and Ben is starting a fire.

Just a small one. It rained all day and he’s soaked to the bone, which normally wouldn’t be a huge problem considering the jungle climate. But now that it’s nighttime, there’s a chill in the air and he can’t afford to get sick. It’s risky, because at night he knows the light could draw attention to him, but his teeth are starting to chatter so there’s no helping it.

When a Stegosaurus stumbles upon him, baying low and angry at finding another creature in its territory, it’s the fire that makes it balk. Rumbling displeasure, it retreats back into the dark jungle. Ben quickly adds torches to his arsenal, using the rest of his shirt as tinder.

Fire is safety.

~*~

Ben lights his candles in silence.

~*~

“You can’t just run off like that,” Kenji says, deadly serious.

Ben scoffs. “I think you’re forgetting who defeated Toro,” he says with an easy smile.

“You’re not invincible, Ben!” Kenji snaps. The anger churning inside him is deceptively hollow, like it’s masking something else. “And I can’t lose you again.”

Ben isn’t smiling anymore. “You won’t,” he mutters, pushing past Kenji. “I can take care of myself, now. I don’t need you to play the hero and protect me.”

Kenji wants to protest that’s not what this is about, and that’s never been what this is about, but Ben is already gone.

~*~

Ben still lives off berries and grubs.

~*~

“… and so I was thinking, berries have seeds in them, right? So if we plant some, we’ll have our own berry bushes at the clubhouse. It’ll cut down our foraging time in the mornings for sure, and-”

“Uh, who are you talking to, Ben?”

Ben blinks at Yasmina’s voice, the girl having only just entered the room.

“Um, Bumpy?” he says, as if this should be obvious.

Yasmina glances out at the compound, where Bumpy is fast asleep and well out of earshot.

“… right.”

~*~

Ben can’t sleep, even when he’s actually trying.

~*~

“Alright,” Darius says, “so we need to get the T-Rex out of Main Street so we can do another sweep for supplies. Any ideas?”

Ben’s hand goes up.

“For the hundredth time, Ben, we aren’t going to feed the T-Rex to the Mosasaurus.”

Ben’s hand goes down.

~*~

Ben feels more at home with Bumpy than the other campers.

~*~

“You know we didn’t mean to leave you, right? We would’ve come back for you if we’d known…”

~*~

Ben never talks about getting off the island.

~*~

“You have to tell us where you’re going, Ben, you can’t just disappear-”

~*~

Ben keeps slipping away.

~*~

“Blowing stuff up isn’t the answer to everything!”

~*~

Ben keeps saying he’s okay.

~*~

“We’re a team, we have to work together-”

~*~

Ben keeps smiling.

~*~

“Don’t you trust us to protect you?”

~*~

Ben doesn’t know.

~*~

Sammy finds Ben sitting on the roof of the clubhouse one day.

Her footsteps are loud and obvious as she approaches him. No chance of sneaking up. She knows he’s noticed her, from the subtle shift in his body. He doesn’t acknowledge her, though, continuing to stare off over the jungle and into the horizon, his skinny legs slotted through the railing and dangling over the edge.

The sun’s about to set, a few stars already twinkling in the purple edges of the sky. Sammy can remember another night, months ago, where Ben wasn’t here but everyone else was and they spotted bonfire smoke in the distance. She remembers the way her heart raced, the overwhelming joy and relief flooding through her. And yet, there had been undeniable heartache, because the realization that they’d made it out only meant it was more unfair that Ben hadn’t.

Sammy breaks the silence after a few moments.

“Are you okay?”

Ben doesn’t look at her, but she can see the easy smile that slants across his face, dying sunlight reflected in his eyes.

“Yeah.”

Sammy sees the lie for what it is. None of them are okay. No one who’s been through what they have would be. But there’s a certain danger that comes with not being willing to admit it, and an even greater danger that comes with not being able to see it.

“Y’know, it’d be fine if you weren’t.”

Ben doesn’t answer.

Sammy sits with him until the sky turns dark.

~*~

It’s the way he struggles to eat anything he hasn’t obtained by himself.

It’s the way he sometimes goes off on his own without telling anyone.

It’s the way he talks to himself when he thinks no one else is around.

It’s the way he takes any concern for his safety as a personal attack.

It’s the way he leaps at the chance to blow something up.

It’s the way he can stare silently for hours.

It’s the way he smiles a little too easily.

~*~

It’s not jumping at every unexpected movement, or screaming awake from night terrors, or flinching away from the slightest touch. It’s not loud meltdowns or hysterical sobbing or uncontrollable fits of rage.

(Even though those will come, someday, when the island is just a memory.)

It’s the little things, that- once you notice them- keep piling up.

And suddenly, they don’t seem so little anymore.

~*~

#jurassic world camp cretaceous #camp cretaceous #jwcc #jwcc fanfic #my writing

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bitchin-beskar · 4 years

Text

The Internet is Forever Part 1

Fandom: The Old Guard

Rating: T (vague mentions of sex, but nothing explicitly described)

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: Once more, y’all have The Gay Guard gc to thank for this lovely crack. It’ll be in three parts, with this one focusing on Joe and Nicky, Part 2 will focus on Andy and Quynh, and Part 3 will focus on Booker and Nile. I’ve never actually streamed or posted videos on YouTube, so I apologize for any inaccuracies, but... this is crack, so... you should kind of be expecting that at this point.

Tags: @the-chaotic-virgo, @hi-short-for-hello, @immortalwarriors, @the-killer-queenie, @roses-are-red713, @acolorandafeeling, @bookersebastien, @fetchmeabook, @ikilledtheducks, and @goalkeepernerd I blame every single one of you for this cursed fic. They all contributed to this AU so they ALL get credit for encouraging me to write this.

Also @perropascal!!!

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in any of my works!

Please consider liking and reblogging! I love the feedback!

You know the saying, “The internet is forever?” It’s true. It’s incredibly difficult to remove anything once it’s posted on the internet. That’s why Copley had been able to find all the evidence of Andy, Joe, Nicky, Booker, and Quynh from over the years. No matter how hard they’d tried to scrub their backgrounds, a few things always fell through the cracks. And now, in the twenty-first century, with technology growing at an unprecedented rate, it was harder than ever to stay off the internet. When the team had hired Copley to cover their tracks and find them jobs, he’d known he was going to have his work cut out for him. Unfortunately, he’d never expected… this.

***

“Nile, can you come here for a moment, please?”

Nicky’s voice called out from the kitchen, and Nile got up from where she was perched on the couch, shutting her copy of Les Misérables–in the original French, mind you, Booker was trying to help her learn another language–and tucking it under her arm, walking down the hall and into the kitchen. She stopped, frowning in confusion as she took in the scene before her.

Nicky was standing at the kitchen counter, a plate of baklava on the countertop in front of him. The rest of the kitchen was a mess, dirty bowls and measuring cups filled the sink, and ingredients covered the counter. He had a webcam set up in front of him, along with a laptop, and Nile could see that he was streaming.

He looked up as she entered, smiling brightly. “Nile! Come, you must try this baklava!” He holds the plate out eagerly, and Nile steps forward cautiously, carefully taking one of the little squares.

“Why? What are you doing?” Nile asks, suspicious, as she inspects the piece of baklava, not convinced that Nicky hasn’t done something to it.

Nicky looks at her, hurt. “I just want you to try my baklava. I’m teaching the internet the proper way to make it, and I want you to tell them how it tastes!” He gestures to the live webcam. “I need you to be honest, tell me how it tastes, even if it’s bad.”

She gives him the look. She’s never once eaten something made by Nicky that didn’t taste absolutely amazing. As long as this isn’t a prank, she’s not sure there’s any way his baklava won’t taste divine. She takes a bite, and nearly moans at the taste. The buttery texture of the dough is perfectly complemented by the taste of walnuts, hazelnuts, and pistachios, and there’s a hint of orange citrus that just brings everything together.

“Well?”

Nicky’s looking at her, his eyes wide and expectant, waiting for her to give a review. “It’s amazing Nicky, seriously,” she says, grinning as Nicky beams at her. “It’s the best baklava I’ve ever had. Try some!” Nicky picks up his own piece, taking a big bite, but before he can say anything, a voice floats over from the doorway.

“Yeah, but how much baklava have you had, really?”

Both Nicky and Nile turn to see Joe standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, a playful smirk on his face. “I mean, if you’ve only ever tasted his cooking, you don’t really have anything to compare it to, do you?”

Nicky growled–seriously, growled–under his breath, and Nile looked between the two, confused. She was so used to seeing them acting like they were still in their honeymoon phase that seeing this other side of both of them threw her for a loop. She backed away from the couple, glancing at Nicky’s laptop, seeing that he was streaming to YouTube. She snorted when she read his channel name: BetterThanOliveGarden. She glanced at the live stream of comments and had to do a double-take. Based on what people were saying, apparently, Joe and Nicky had this online rivalry, and people kept debating their relationship, whether they were roommates, dating, or something else.

She watched as Nicky shoved the plate towards Joe. “How about you try my food before you critique it, Joe?” A sly smirk spread across Joe’s lips, and he took the plate, setting it down without taking any food off it. Instead, he strides forward, cupping Nicky’s face in his hands and kissing him deeply. Nile looks away awkwardly when Nicky moans, and she glances at the comments and sees that they’re going nuts.

People are screaming, keyboard mashing, and comments like: OHMYGOD WHAT, are popping up constantly. Nile grimaces at the webcam. She whispers to the camera, “You guys do know they’re married, right? They do this all. the. time.” She throws a thumb over her shoulder at the two men, still locked in an embrace. Joe has one hand clutching at Nicky’s hair and the other in the back pocket of his jeans, and Nicky’s got his arms thrown around Joe’s neck, both of them completely lost to the world.

The comments are still blowing up, and Nile isn’t sure if she should actually end the video or not. She shrugs, deciding to leave it going. What’s the worst that could happen?

***

Well, apparently, Nicky and Joe forgot about the live stream. Nile only found out when she went to go and find the video, only to see that it had been taken down due to “violating YouTube content policies.” She asked Joe about it.

“Well, you see, apparently it’s frowned upon when two people decide to show their love for one another–”

“You two started taking off each other’s clothes, didn’t you.”

“Yes. Yes, we did.”

“Please tell me the two of you left the kitchen before the pants came off?”

“Of course we did, we have enough self-control–”

“Andy came in and yelled at the two of you that you were about to do it in front of a live audience, didn’t she.”

“Um, well… yes.”

***

Nicky’s retaliation happened later that week. Joe apparently ran an art tutorial channel, where he did sketches, showing people how to draw anything from animals, to the human body, to landscape, to architecture. His channel was called ScrewMichelangelo, which had confused Nile until Joe had explained the man refused to stop flirting with Nicky, so Joe hated him. Nile was skeptical, until Joe pulled up an image of the statue David, pointing out all the similarities between the marble statue and Nicky.

Nile was shocked. She could see the resemblance and turned to Joe in shock. “Wait, Nicky posed for Michelangelo?”

Joe grumbled, frowning deeply. “No. I accidentally left my sketchbook in his workshop one day, and there were some sketches of Nicky inside. He used those for his inspiration. When I found out I…” Joe looked sheepish. “I was very upset. Nicky keeping me calm was the only reason Michelangelo survived my wrath.”

Nile grimaced. “Yeah, I can see why you’d be pissed.” Joe nodded, and he began to set up the webcam.

Joe had asked her to help him out, so Nile was once again in the video, this time posing for Joe so he could show people how to draw braids. She was still trying to get through Les Misérables–seriously, she hated french–and she’d lost track of time when she was startled by the door banging open. She looked up from her book, watching as Nicky strode determinedly into the room.

“This,” he said, coming up behind Joe and laying his hands against the sides of Joe’s neck. “Is for ruining my baklava video.”

He tipped Joe’s head back, pressing his lips against Joe’s harshly. Nile had learned from the last time. She got up, shut off the webcam, and left the room, shaking her head when the men didn’t even react when she shut the door loudly.

“Stupid horny immortal husbands.”

***

It had been a quiet week, and Nile was suspicious. Nicky and Joe had each ruined multiple of the other’s videos with intense make-out sessions, and Nile was surprised that they both hadn’t had their accounts banned from YouTube. Neither of them had done anything this week though, so Nile was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When she woke up one morning to a YouTube notification from Joe’s account, she actually groaned. She wasn’t sure she wanted to watch what they’d gotten up to, but she figured she should probably check.

Clicking on the video, she was surprised to see that she couldn’t actually see anything, because the video was pitch black. Suddenly, a soft light appeared, showing a shirtless Joe. He held a finger to his lips, giggling, before shining the light onto a sleeping Nicky next to him.

“Nicolo, destati.”

Nicky grumbled, trying to swat Joe’s camera away, but he missed. “Nicolo, habibi, destati.” Nicky groaned, rolling over and blinking up at Joe.

“Yusuf, what time is it?”

“Three am, habibi.”

“Why Yusuf?”

Nile can hear Joe giggling. “I wanted to show everyone what I get to see every night for the rest of our lives.”

Nicky’s face softened, and he reached a hand up, pulling Joe’s face down and into the frame, and into a kiss. Joe managed to hold the camera steady, somehow. When he finally pulled away, Nicky grabbed one of Joe’s hands, tugging him down so that Joe is spooning him and his arm is wrapped tightly around Nicky.

“You’ve got your video, amore, now let’s sleep, please.”

Joe says something, but it’s muffled as he sets the camera down. The light turns off, and Nile thinks the video must be over, but when she checks, she realizes there are still hours of footage left. She fast forwards, and once the room starts to brighten, Nile realizes it must be morning. She sees as Nicky and Joe come into view, still spooning on the bed. She watches as Nicky wakes, and sees the camera still running before he reaches out to shut it off.

She shakes her head, shutting the phone off. Maybe now they’d stop ruining each other’s videos and she wouldn’t have to listen to their complaints anymore.

***

Well, Joe and Nicky had stopped bothering her. But Andy and Quynh were a whole other story.

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stxphxn-strange · 4 years

Text

i want to start posting from my ironstrange college au (remember the makeup fic i posted in like november? i’ll link it below but it’s from that verse) so! let me explain it:

reminder that this is an au and it’s my au, so i decide how this all goes!

Ships:

IronStrange (duh)

ThorBruce

Valcarol

Sambucky

Christine x Hope Van Dyne* (this gets complicated)

Eventual Pristine

Past Stony, Past Stucky

(Lowkey I’m also figuring out if Rhodey x T’challa could be a ship? they both seem too independent but i also might add it in)

Character Notes:

Tony deliberately never specifies if he prefers to go by Anthony or Tony. People call him both, or also his friends call him Ant. Stephen does not/has never called him Tony, he’s always known him as Anthony.

Happy just tends to go by H or Harry (anyone who calls him Harold receives a death glare, but as a joke Rhodey got him a T-shirt and the pattern is just name tags that say “hello my name is Harold.”)

Rhodey just goes by Rhodey bc Tony *insisted* that all their friends call him that and plus he doesn’t hate the nickname.

Natasha is part of this but she doesn’t go to school with the rest of the group. She’s Tony’s half sister and is the biological daughter of Maria Stark and her best friend. She lives in Italy with some of Tony’s extended family and her bio dad. Few people know of her existence, or they know her as Maria’s niece (for her own protection). It doesn’t rly matter that Howard has no idea who she rly is, he wasn’t with her the entire time Maria was pregnant w Natasha bc she was in Italy (and brought Tony with her)

Roommates:

- Tony and Rhodey are roommates, and they live two floors above the four suitemates. The four suitemates are: Christine and Pepper (who share a room) and Stephen and Wong (who share the other room) despite that, the six of them tend to move fluidly in between both spaces.

- Hela and Carol

- Val and Hope

- Thor and T’challa (Bruce spends a lot of time w them)

- Bruce, Sam, and Loki (as chaotic as it sounds btw)

- Bucky and Happy, who I’ve decided are very close. (btw nobody particularly enjoys the fact that Sam and Bucky live next door to each other, when they’re Busy their roommates can be found w Stephen and Co. or one of the other Odinson siblings).

Friend Groups (note: people overlap/belong to multiple groups, this is also not the full list bc that could go on for a long time):

- The Main Six: Tony, Rhodey, Stephen, Wong, Christine, and Pepper.

- Team Big Brain: Tony, Bruce, Stephen, Hope, Carol, Christine, and Bucky.

- Doctors: Stephen, Tony, Christine, and Bruce.

- Dumbass Protection Squad: Hela, T’Challa, Carol, Happy, Rhodey, and Pepper (usually).

- Psych Majors: Pepper, Wong, T’Challa and Loki.

- Stark Industries: Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy.

- People who Like Astrology: Loki, Bucky, Val, sometimes Christine.

Storylines (There’s no established time frame for this really, but it doesn’t follow mcu canon or any canon):

- Stephen and Tony are lifelong friends. They met on the first day of kindergarten and went to school together in NY (where both their families lived at the time) until middle school. For unspecified reasons, Stephen’s parents opted to move the Strange family to Nebraska before the start of 6th grade. Stephen and Tony were Devastated but were already inseparable at that point and stayed in touch. A business opportunity moved the Starks from NY to California. Stephen stayed in Nebraska for high school but Tony’s parents sent him to boarding school (read: Howard sent him away to avoid having to actually parent, and he thought he was lifting a burden from Maria. This was Not The Case, as she loved her son dearly and would call him everyday. Tony appreciated this more than he ever thought possible.)

- Howard and Stane viewed boarding school as a chance to groom Tony into something malleable and submissive enough to take orders from anyone. His obvious feelings for Stephen (with whom he was still incredibly close) were a Great Concern, so the executive decision was made to set Tony up with Steve Rogers, a blond athlete from his school. It was a way to keep Tony’s sexuality controlled, and Howard didn’t think Stephen was anywhere close to the level he wanted Tony to be (of course, Howard didn’t think his son lived up to his expectations anyway. It was more about control). On the surface, Steve was sweet and everything you could want in a partner, and he even charmed Maria into liking him. She genuinely believed he’d be a good match for her son, so it hurt when she found out what he was really like. Rhodey was Tony’s boarding school roommate for all four (4) years. They met and hit it off overnight, Rhodey instantly feeling brotherly love and the need to protect Tony (or “Tones” as he called him. Rhodey is usually the only one to call him that). Rhodey and Steve did Not see eye to eye on anything, least of all how Tony should be treated. Steve was terrible to him, and Rhodey’s heart broke when Tony admitted he was too scared to break up with him.

- Reenter Stephen. After a particularly bad day, Tony called Maria and Stephen sobbing, missing the two (2) people he talked to more than anyone except maybe Rhodey. It was then he confessed what kind of boyfriend Steve was, and Maria gasped before saying, “Dump him. Let me handle the rest.” That very day, Stephen left school early and traveled to see Tony. It was 2am when he finally arrived, throwing rocks at the window and then scaling the side of the building once he had Tony’s attention. Stephen and Rhodey met the next morning, when Rhodey came back from classes and found his roommate asleep him.

- “So you’re the one who climbed in through my window,” Rhodey said. “For a good reason, I assume.” Stephen confessed it was because he loved Tony and wanted to be there for him, didn’t want him to hurt. (It’s fair to say, though, that Stephen visited before/Tony went to visit him, and they’d spent secret time together over the summers). Tony, believing himself incapable of love, didn’t reject Stephen’s confession but assumed it was only love between friends. The summer before they all left for college (Rhodey, originally from Texas, was also going to school in NY with Tony and Stephen. NY was a big part of who they both were, and they both dreamed of studying there together), they finally started dating at Maria Stark’s motherly demand.

- This demand came a short time before Howard and Maria died, and it also came with admissions of guilt and lots of tears. “I was wrong about Rogers,” she said. “You don’t have to accept what I say or forgive me, but I know Stephen is the right one for you. I think I’ve always known.” (No shit, everyone knew) Knowong she was genuinely sorry, Tony forgave her not knowing that she would die a few months later.

- Most of this canon I’ve created takes place starting in their junior year of college, so everyone has gotten to know each other quite well. I’m sure the more I write from this the more I’ll flesh out relationships between certain characters, but one I want to mention is that Tony and Bucky are very close and co-presidents of the “I Dumped Steve Rogers for Peace of Mind” club. Steve goes to college in the next state/a little further north (that’s as specific as it’ll get for now) and dated Bucky the group’s freshman year. Tony didn’t know any of this until Bucky brought him over one day, and after they (Tony and Bucky) had a talk about the way Steve is as a partner, Bucky realized some things and dumped Steve. He remains angry at them both, especially Tony, from a short distance away which terrifies Tony.

- Sam and Bucky kissed for the first time at a truth or dare night Thor and T’Challa hosted in the group’s sophomore year. After they kissed (Sam initiated) they both shyly admitted feelings for each other.

*Now here’s where things get a little dicey. I started this au with Christine and Hope together for no particular reason, maybe they were on a club sports team together and started dating from there? But Pepper fell in love w Christine at first sight, and it got worse and worse the more they got to know each other. Much like Stephen and Tony, they’re the kind of people who meet each other and just click, even if the eventual path to Pristine involves lots of tears and jealousy for Pepper that Stephen never really experienced. He didn’t feel jealous of Tony and Steve’s relationship, because he wasn’t at boarding school with Tony and there wasn’t much he could do. But as a supportive and concerned (and honest but kind) friend, he was always encouraging and there to listen to Tony. Is Pepper going to be as good of a friend to Christine as Stephen was to Tony while Christine gets ready to marry Hope after undergrad??? that’s the question my forthcoming college au fic will answer.

Also mentioned in my forthcoming fic (which I’m still writing rn)

- post undergrad Wong works as a museum director/curator (havent decided yet, maybe he works his way up the ranks) and double majored in psych and history.

- Stephen, Tony, Happy, Rhodey, and Wong all live together and the rest of the group lives around NYC.

- Stephen, Christine, and Bruce (The Doctor friend group) are all pursuing medical degrees while the SI friend group is transforming the company completely.

++++

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk! Congrats on reading all the way to the end lmao. I second guessed posting this a lot but then i remembered that it’s mine and I’m just sharing pre-fic thoughts lol. Thanks for reading/for your support of my work y’all!

Read the makeup fic (it doesn’t have a title) here.

💜💜💜💜

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girlofmanyfandoms · 4 years

Text

Too Little, Too Late

A/n: Yes, this is back to back. No, I am not sorry. I’ll make it up to y’all with a Della fic that I’m almost done with, I promise.

Trigger Warnings: Death, Mentions of violence

Word count: 1,669

Tag list: @everyonehasthoughts @imaramennoodle @bookwyrminspiration @holesinmyfalseconfidence @percabetn @an-absolute-travesty @linhammon-roll-bromance101 @linhamon-roll @ anyone who cares

Della unlocked the gates to Everglen, bringing Keefe into a side hug. “How’s my son doing?”

“I’m alright, just came here to check in.”

Della sighed, holding Keefe by the shoulders. “You know you can’t lie to me, right? I’ve got a mother’s instinct.”

He looked down in guilt, picking at the bottom of his tunic. “I just haven’t spoken to Fitz in a while, I need to clear some things up. Gosh, I’ve been a terrible friend. Probably don’t even qualify for ‘best friend.’”

“Honey, you’ve done nothing wrong.” Della held his chin up so they could make eye contact. “You are the reason Fitz is still going, the reason he made it through his earlier years at Foxfire. You can’t blame yourself for taking some time for yourself.”

“But it’s selfish an-“

“It’s not selfish, it’s normal. And it’s necessary. We love you here, Keefe. And we can all help each other.” Della glanced around to check that she wasn’t being watched. “There’s mallowmelt in the top right cabinet in the kitchen. Take some upstairs so you and Fitz can share.”

“Fitz didn’t make them, did he?”

“No, goodness no! The house would’ve collapsed if he even tried!”

They chuckled together, before coming back to reality.

“Thank you, Della, for everything,” Keefe said sincerely. “I wouldn’t be who I am today without you.”

“No need to thank me, we’re family now. Ever since we met you, we knew you had a good heart. It’s been a wild ride, seeing you grow up...” Della trailed off, but was brought back to focus by Keefe’s fidgeting. “Well, I shouldn’t keep you. Fitz is in his room.”

“Thanks.”

Della watched him walk up the flowery path to the door, sliding in as if it where his own home. Because it was. But not for long.

____________

Keefe knocked on the bedroom door. “Fitz, open up!”

“Leave me alone, Keefe.”

“C’mon Fitzy, don’t be like that.” When he received no response, he singsonged, “I have mallowmelt.”

An audible sigh came from the other side of the door as Fitz unlocked his door with a click. He blocked Keefe’s path. “Mallowmelt first, then we talk.”

“You got it, boss.” Keefe passed him the tray and plopped down on the floor. Fitz popped a piece in his mouth and sat down in front of Keefe, remaining within the borders of his room. They waited a while in silence before Keefe spoke up.

“Listen, I feel really bad for not being there for you, and I wanna fix it. So tell me, how have you really been? And don’t give the ‘I’m fine, just a little tired or angry’ lie. I want to be let back in, and I’m willing to change to do that.”

Fitz huffed, passing the tray so Keefe could have some mallowmelt as well. “Maybe I’m not ready to open up. To show my raw emotions.”

“And that’s fine too. I don’t expect you to forgive me right away like Sophie did. But I want to know what I can do to make it up to you. I want my best friend back.” Keefe’s voice cracked during the last sentence, but Fitz was kind enough, or perhaps oblivious enough, to not mention it.

“You can start by making up for lost time. You tell me what led to your recklessness, and maybe I’ll be more willing to listen to what you have to say.”

“I... just wanted to be the hero. I wanted to feel like I was worth something, you know? I mean, sure, other people have it worse, but I always felt so alone, being an only child, living in that tower with my parents. I never felt like I belonged, like I was loved, like I was worth anything. But I thought I could change that. So I tried to play my mother’s game, tried to get a step ahead and just like everything else, I messed up. That’s just how life is, right?” Keefe laughed bitterly and looked off to the side in an attempt to conceal a tear that slipped past his guard. But this time, Fitz noticed.

He reached out his arms instinctively, but hesitated. Was it weird to hug his best friend? Was it overstepping boundaries, or breaking “the code”? Keefe shifted uncomfortably, not sure what to do next. Screw it, Fitz decided. His friend needed him. Sliding the mallowmelt tray to the side, Fitz tackled him in a bear hug.

Keefe squeaked in surprise, but slowly and gently wrapped his arms around him. “Is there a particular reason for this?”

“Shut up and stop bottling your emotions,” Fitz murmured into his neck. He lifted his head up. “It’s okay to cry. I won’t think any less of you.”

Keefe hesitated, but one concerned glance from Fitz made him crumple. He wrapped his arms tighter around the boy’s neck, letting all of the pain, agony, and guilt turn to nothing but ghosts and echoes and fade away. Fitz rocked him back and forth, rubbing his back comfortingly.

“I’m sorry,” Fitz whispered. “I’m sorry for shutting you out, for forgetting what you’ve gone through. I could’ve - should’ve - been there. I’ll be there from now on. I promise.”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing, Vacker,” Keefe mumbled between hiccupy sobs. “I envied you, you know. I did what everyone else did to your family, and I didn’t realize just how wrong it was. How much you were hurting.”

“I’ll start to forgive you if you do the same for me. Deal?”

“Deal,” Keefe agreed, finally pulling away from the hug. His eyes were puffy and red, but he was smiling a real, genuine smile.

“Great, now get us some more mallowmelt, I need to put my throwing stars away.”

“Practicing without Grizel? I’m disappointed,” Keefe joked.

Fitz rolled his eyes. “She helped me set up this dummy in my room so I could practice if she was busy.”

The clashing of swords was heard from downstairs.

“See what I mean? Sandor probably came over to spar, which means Sophie’s probably with Biana, Fitz reasoned. “We can have a guy’s night if you want. But you have to be the snack man, I am not getting up.” Fitz turned his back to free the throwing stars.

“Yes, Mr. Vacker.” Keefe mimicked his accent. “But remember, if you don’t answer the first knock, I’ll-“

“You’ll what?” Silence. Fitz turned around. “Keefe, you’ll-“

Keefe slowly fell to the floor, folded over himself, his tunic stained with blood. Vespera stood over him, And, satisfied that he was done for, turned her attention to Fitz.

His vision clouded with red. Just moments before his friend was smiling, poking fun at him, just like the good old days. And now he was coughing up blood, half dead on his carpet. He hurled two throwing stars at Vespera, one cutting the side of her neck, the other embedding itself above her cold heart. She staggered back, regained her footing and prepared to attack, but Gisela pulled her aside. She glanced at her son, and Fitz could’ve sworn he saw a flash of pain cross her eyes.

“You weren’t supposed to go after him, you were supposed to get the Vackers,” Gisela scolded. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“Your boy was in my way, and we need to go now,” Vespera spat. “I’m bleeding out.”

Grizel and Ro came barreling up the stairs, Grizel taking Gisela and Ro taking Vespera. Gisela grabbed Vespera’s arm and, breaking through a window, phase-shifted to freedom.

Grizel tried to check on Fitz, but he moved past her, holding Keefe in his lap. “I’ll have to move onto the next house,” Keefe finished softly, laughing before it turned into a coughing fit.

“Sh, don’t talk so much, it’ll make it worse.”

“That’s your way of telling me to shut up?”

Fitz brushed some of Keefe’s hair out of his face. “How can you joke at a time like this, Keefe?”

“It’s my specialty.” Keefe offered a weak smile. “You know Elwin won’t make it in time, right?”

“Don’t think like that.”

“It’s the truth, Fitz,” Keefe insisted, tearing brimming on the borders of his eyes. “But there’s some things I have to tell you before I go. I’m so grateful for you, and for everything you’ve done for me. You’re the best best friend I could ever get, and I’m sorry I hurt you. I forgive you, for not being there. But I’ll always be with you.”

Fitz didn’t bother trying to stop the tears. “Keefe, I-“

“I’m not done,” Keefe interrupted, interlocking his fingers with Fitz’s. “You’ll get plenty of time to say goodbye later. I won’t. Take care of the rest of the crew, and tell Bangs Boy his hair isn’t that bad, but it will never be greater than mine. Tell your mom that she’s the best.” Keefe paused and squeezed Fitz’s hand tighter as the pain intensified.

“I will,” Fitz promised. “And I forgive you.”

“Love you, Fitzy,” Keefe rasped.

“I love you too, Keefe,” Fitz cried. “Just stay strong for me now.”

“I’ll try. Can we play a game, to distract me from the pain?”

Fitz sniffed and nodded. “We’ll recite the stars in alphabetical order, back and forth. Achromian.”

“Alabestrine.”

“Amaranthis.”

“Aquello.”

“Argento.”

“Auriferria.”

“Azulejo.”

Silence.

“Candesia, Keefe, it’s Candesia.”

Keefe’s chest wasn’t moving.

Fitz started performing CPR, careful not to touch his wound. “CANDESIA! SAY CANDESIA!” Fitz pinched Keefe’s nose, tilted his head back, and gave two full breaths. Nothing.

Fitz shook Keefe’s shoulders, but slowly sank to rest his head on his friend’s bloody chest. “It’s okay Keefe. You’re sleeping with the stars now.”

Ro put up a hand to cover her mouth, but she had to leave the room. Grizel knew she couldn’t peel Fitz away from Keefe and stayed outside, letting them have those last few moments together. Elwin finally arrived, though he surely knew there was nothing he could do. He was too late.

#were they gay? Were they best friends who said “frick toxic masculinity”?#i’ll never tell #these are to make up for lack of writing #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #keefe sencen #fitz vacker #della vacker #kotlc gisela #kotlc vespera #Cade’s writing

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prismatic-starstuff · 4 years

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Tagged by @sorcha-eilis; thanks for the tag! <3

AO3 name: prismatic_starstuff

Fandoms: Silmarillion and Lord of the Rings so far

Number of fics: 9 so far

Fic I spent the most time on: Prrrrrrrobably in the halls of angband because it was the first one I worked on after a pretty long break from writing; the whole thing took about three days, I think? (NSFW warning, don’t click that link if you’re under 18 please!)

Fic I spent the least time on: Probably beast-taming; it’s a short and fluffy and cute thing, and I was so inspired by the idea that it was all written really quickly, haha!

Longest fic: So far it’s in the halls of angband; 5,181 words over two chapters. But my two multi-chapter fics will end up overtaking it once more chapters get added!

Shortest fic: It’s currently the threads, though because I intend on making that a multi-chapter fic, it’ll be a very important question!

Most hits: in the halls of angband, currently at 275!

Most kudos: ...in the halls of angband again, currently at 31! (Y’all really were feeling that one, huh? x’D)

Most comment threads: the threads, with 7!

Favourite fic I’ve written: Out of the ones I’ve posted on ao3, I’d pooooossibly go with... the threads or alone, since I was proud of myself for really capturing the moods I was going for with those two!

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: I wanna expand on the threads and take the ring to mordor, since they’re my two multi-chapter fics at the moment!

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: I’m currently working on a request for some Tar-Mairon/Ar-Pharazon things, so here’s a lil’ preview of that!

“My lord?” That soft voice, as silky as the black adornments that covered that pale skin, broke Pharazon from his thoughts. He looked down at his kneeling advisor to see those fiery eyes blinking lightly in confusion, though it had not gone unnoticed by him that Mairon had leaned lightly into his hand. “Are you well?”

“Certainly,” Pharazon replied, pointedly ignoring the heat that rushed to his cheeks. “What would give the impression otherwise?”

It was not uncommon to see Mairon’s lips curved in a pretty smile, but he always seemed to reserve the most beautiful for his king. Giving a soft chuckle, he almost smirked up at Pharazon, his eyes smiling just as much as his mouth. “Perhaps the fact that I have long finished speaking, and you are still gazing down at me without a word...”

The king had to forcibly keep his eyes from widening, had to work harder to ignore the flush in his cheeks. Damn it... How could he be so careless?!

Another chuckle from below him drew his attention back downwards. “Do you simply enjoy looking upon me, my king?” Those eyes were gazing up at him from under long eyelashes. Those lips were so perfectly shiny with the finest of crimson pigments. How was he not meant to stare...?

(Please accept this lil’ shoutout to the other three fics I have on AO3 that I didn’t mention: one day, o’ high priest, and one with a NSFW name that I’ll just refer to here as tag (NSFW warning for those last two, don’t click either of the last two links if you’re under 18 please!))

I’m never sure who to tag with these things, so as always, if y’all see this and wanna do it then please consider yourselves tagged~! <3

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rainesclan · 6 years

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[Part Four]: Over My Head

Link to: [Series Masterpost], [Part One], [Part Two], [Part Three]

A/N: I know I’ve said this at least seventy-two times but I really can’t thank y’all who are reading this enough! I’ve never been super confident in my writing so seeing y’all say you’re enjoying this cracked little fic melts my icy heart :’) * as always, there should be a ‘read more’, but this will be tagged as ‘long post’ incase it isn’t working!

Series Tag List (feel free to ask to be added!): @nathansterling @j-ashtons @nathan-sterling @nevrakissed @sterlingbitch @nathansblazer @ash-beaumont @guilty-giggler

Description: Cariedee hears an interesting bit of conversation when she wakes up at the Alpha Theta Mu clubhouse and talks to Nathan about where they stand.

Words: 2,012

____

Even behind closed eyelids, the sunlight on her face felt blinding, and Cariedee rolled over with an exasperated groan once she was fully aware that she was awake. Her tight jeans from the night before somehow felt even less comfortable after having been slept in for hours, and her fingers caught on a matted tangle in her short blonde curls when she attempted to push her hair away from her eyes. It didn’t take long for a dull throb to start a steady rhythm in her temples, and she slowly peeled her eyes open to find herself tucked into an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room.

If it wasn’t for the Greek letters hanging on the wall above her, she was sure she would have had no real idea as to where she was, but after seeing them, it didn’t take her long to figure out that she must have been back at the Alpha’s clubhouse.

And that somewhere between kissing Nathan and ending up asleep at the house, there were at least a few hours that were completely blank.

Oh God...yeah, she thought to herself. I definitely kissed Nathan last night.

She was suddenly glad she was alone so that no one was there to witness the look of mortification that she was sure was showing on her face. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Nathan – if anything, she liked him a lot – but she barely knew him. The last thing she wanted to do was make the same mistake that she had with Chris only a couple weeks prior.

After taking a few minutes to collect herself she willed herself to stand up and shamble over to the closed bedroom door. She cracked it open in an attempt to stay as quiet as possible in case there were still people sleeping, stopping and letting her hand linger on the doorhinge when she caught the sound of two slightly muffled voices from the next room over.

“-and he just leaves it when he goes home for the weekend. Talk about being a little too trusting,” the voice that she recognized as Beau’s paused briefly after the statement. “This thing is like a goldmine of potential.”

“And what exactly are you planning on doing with this goldmine?” Kassidy’s voice inquired.

“Not sure yet. But it’ll be hilarious,” he clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth, and Cariedee could hear the unmistakable clacking of fingers tapping on laptop keys. “I’m talking America’s Most Eligible Season Three levels of entertainment.”

“Oh God, don’t tell me you actually watch that garbage. You know it’s all staged right?”

“What? Kassidy. Kassidy. America’s Most Eligible is not staged.”

The conversation that had initially caught Cariedee’s attention seemed to fall to the wayside as Beau and Kassidy pivoted into a debate over the authenticity of reality television, and she took another few seconds to linger by the door and collect her thoughts. She admittedly had no idea what they had been talking about, but it didn’t stop a slight feeling of unease from settling in the pit of her stomach. Whatever it was didn’t exactly sound friendly, and with Becca’s warning still lingering in the back of her mind, she had to wonder if they were up to no good.

Without putting any more merit into the mildly intrusive thoughts, she left the room and closed the door behind her before heading downstairs and finding Nathan in the kitchen. The table was littered with used plates, half empty water bottles, and an open bottle of Tylenol, and he was wiping the counter down with a sponge when he seemed to hear her behind him.

“There you are. I was starting to worry,” he said, turning to look at her with a chuckle. “I’ll be honest, not many people can go shot for shot with Beau and live to tell the tale.”

“So that’s what happened?” She inquired, rubbing her temples as she took a seat at the table. “Judging by how I’m feeling, I was gonna guess ‘hit by a car’.”

“No. Almost though. You did stumble into the street on our way back here.”

“And let me guess,” she started with a small, teasing smile, “you were there to pull me out of the way of an oncoming car like a true knight in shining armor?”

“Naturally,” he confirmed with a cheeky smile of his own.

“My hero.”

Once her lightheadedness had faded to the wayside a bit, Cariedee began to pile the plates on the table into a neat pile to offer her help in cleaning up the kitchen. It was the least she could do, she figured, considering Nathan had let her stay the night in his bed when she drank too much to get herself back to the suite.

Nathan turned the sink back on, and as he wrung the sponge out under the running water, Cariedee sidled up next to him and grabbed an extra to begin washing one of the plates. The two exchanged small smiles, and he took the second from the pile to begin doing the same.

They scrubbed in tandem at the crusted chocolate on the stark white glass of the plates in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Nathan finally cleared his throat and spoke.

“So...” he started, taking a long pause before continuing. “How much do you actually remember? About last night, I mean.”

Cariedee could feel herself blush, and when a spurt of water splashed up from the plate and touched her hot cheek it was a welcome relief.

“I remember kissing you if that’s what you’re asking,” she managed.

While she consciously wanted to keep her eyes averted to avoid any awkwardness, there was a morbid curiosity that made her want to study his reaction. Did he feel as awkward about it as she did? Did he think it was just casual and therefore think nothing of it?

She wasn’t entirely sure, but when she snuck a peek at him from the corner of her eye as she continued to scrub at a spot that was already clean, she could swear she saw him blush as well.

“Well...yes,” he admitted with an awkward laugh.

This time when a silence hung between them it was much heavier and more uncomfortable than it had been before they had breached the subject at hand. Cariedee finally rinsed off the spotless plate and set it onto the drying rack next to the sink.

“Do you...I mean...is that...okay?” She sputtered.

“Of course,” he answered a little too quickly. “It’s beyond okay. You might be thinking the alcohol was playing a leading role in all of that, but if I’m being completely honest...I probably still would have kissed you had I been stone cold sober.”

“Oh.”

The blush that had previously just been tinting her cheeks spread down to her neck.

“That’s all?” He inquired. “Just ‘oh’?”

“I mean,” she paused long enough to formulate a coherent thought. “Honestly? I probably would have too. And maybe that’s stupid. Like really stupid.”

“Oh?”

“It’s just that I’ve made the mistake of getting in over my head with someone too fast before and it ended up kind of straining our friendship,” she explained. “And I don’t want that to happen with us because I really like you, Nathan. I like hanging out with you.”

He smiled warmly.

“I can assure you the feeling’s mutual.”

“So then you understand?”

“Of course. I’m definitely not opposed to the idea of taking a step back and getting to know you better,” he assured her. “I haven’t exactly been lucky in the romance department either, so taking things slow would probably benefit both of us.”

Cariedee couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m not sure how easy it is to believe that you have a hard time getting dates.”

“It’s not the ‘getting’ of the date as much as it’s the authenticity behind it.” He set the last dish on the drying rack before cutting the water off and looking over to her. “A lot of people – especially back home – had ulterior motives for wanting to date a Sterling.”

“They were more interested in the Sterling family money than they were in Nathan Sterling the person?” She asked.

“That among other things.” She realized she must have been wearing her emotions on her face when he paused and laughed a genuine laugh. “Don’t look so apologetic. I didn’t necessarily help myself either.”

As much as she wanted to ask, she bit the question back. He hadn’t pried about her jumping in too soon with who only she knew was Chris, so she knew it was only courteous to return the favor and not pry into his personal life either.

“Well then maybe this is a chance for both of us to do things the right way for a change,” she concluded with a small smile.

When he smiled back she recognized the look in his eyes. It was the same look he had been wearing the night before right before they’d kissed. Only this time he didn’t make a move.

“I think,” he started with the same smile, “I like the sound of that.”

____

The next few weeks of the semester came in went in a near blur. Cariedee spent the majority of her time balancing “researching” and writing for Professor Vasquez and taking care of her classwork. The little bit of free time that she did have was often split between spending time with her suitemates and with the Alphas.

She and Nathan had been honoring what they said about taking things slow as well. While they hadn’t been seeing too much of one another due to their differences in schedules, but the time they did spend together had been staying platonic and within the realms of getting to know one another. In fact, she had learned that the little quirks that he hid behind his “perfect” facade only made him that much more endearing.

It was the first day of October when Cariedee stood in Professor Vasquez’s office with her latest assignment, her eyes studying him as he read over the pages with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He scribbled something in the margin of the last page before capping his pen and looking up at her with hands folded in front of him.

“I want you to go deeper,” he concluded. “What you’re writing...it’s superficial. Nothing that I couldn’t find out through watching Music Television. If I wanted to hear about the possibility of someone helping with an Alpha Theta Mu bake sale I’d watch Martha Stuart. I want to hear about the fratority from the inside. I want to see what’s beneath the surface. The darker side, so to speak.”

“There is no darker side, Professor.”

“Nonsense! You expect me to believe that an organization full of spoiled rich elites gets their kicks by simply baking cookies for Alzheimer’s research?”

“Believe it or not, real life isn’t always as dramatic or exciting as the movies,” she reminded him.

“Your naivety will be your downfall, Cariedee.” He sighed and shook his head, as if she was a lost cause not worth arguing with. “Just know that next week I’ll be expecting more than a happy-go-lucky story of baking cookies and whispers of sweet nothings.”

Her mouth opened to argue with him. She could practically feel the words creeping up in her throat. But before she could make a sound, she decided against it. If she had learned anything throughout the course of the semester, she had learned that trying to argue with Vasquez was the equivalent of trying to reason with a brick wall. He was entirely too stubborn to listen, and in a way, so was she.

So instead of dragging out their meeting any longer, she simply offered him the “yes, Professor” that she knew he had been looking for and went on her way, hoping to whatever powers may have been listening that a “story” would fall into her lap before next Tuesday.

#long post #i truly wanted to have this up this afternoon but such is life #also sorry if this is sloppy i'm running on like three hours of broken sleep and a shitty nap fjdskds #but i said 'monday update schedule' and i'm a bitch of my word!#something like this fic #something like this part 4 #fics #nathan sterling #nathan x mc #au fic

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spideychelle-romanogers · 7 years

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Tom’s Reaction To Versace On The Floor

Request | Masterlist | @gryffindorgodmother18 requested this

Listen guys, I really don’t write Tom fics, Tomdaya or Tom!Imagines or anything “xReader”. If you send me a request, I will do my best but I will most likely suggest someone else to you that would be willing to take your request on.

However, this was my first request ever and I didn’t want to disappoint. I love my followers and I would sell my soul for y’all. I thought the least I could do is try. I had a fun idea so this was my best interpretation at this request. I hope y’all like it. I really, really, really tried.

Ship: tomdaya T/W: None.

Visiting his family is Tom’s priority. His brothers need him, he’s not just going to disappear on them because his life changed. Still, whenever he's home, he's being pulled in a thousand directions. His phone is off, just so he doesn’t get overwhelmed. It’s a puzzle, trying to balance everyone’s needs. He feels almost like he's on set, and he's always on edge because he's afraid his family will tell him that he's not giving them enough attention. They would never, he knows that in the back of his head. Still, he always feel guilty. He's so wrapped up in his own problems sometimes he almost forgets to call.

As he throws himself into his bed, about to sleep away the long day, he wonders why his phone isn’t demanding his attention like it usually does.

Oh wait, his phone is off.

It’s quiet for a moment, and as the phone service connects, his notifications bar blows up. He checks Twitter and it seems everyone is waiting for him to look at some music video. He gets a few texts and he finally finds the one from Harrison. Tom always check Harrison’s texts first. If anyone is going to explain, it’ll be him.

Have you seen Z in Versace On The Floor?

That’s all he sent. As if Tom was supposed to know what that meant. He assumed it was something she did for Disney, so he casually gets up to look it up. After a quick google search, he finds out that it’s a music video. Smiling, he opens his laptop and lies back down on his bed, leaning up on his elbows as he types a search into YouTube.

Tom sees Bruno Mars’ name and grins to himself. Bruno must have contacted her after LSB. Her impression of him was so great, Tom wonders if she’ll dress as him again in the video. Without even looking at the icon, Tom clicks the link and puts the video in fullscreen.

Then the video starts, and his brain spins itself into madness. She looks great. The song sounds great but he's barely listening. He just stares at his screen, the amusement on his face disappearing until he sees her enjoying herself. When she smiles in the video, he mirrors it. He wonders just how much fun she must have been having shooting this.

The best and worst part about Zendaya is she knows her effect on people. She is beautiful, funny, sweet, and charming. She knows people see this and swoon. Maybe she doesn’t agree with them the way she should, but he can feel her confidence radiating out of this video. It’s her best look yet. She could kill a man if she looked at him the way she did in the video. Tom was sure his heart was stopping already. She takes his breath away like she does in person, everytime he’d see her when he met, while they were shooting, during the press tour, jsut every day.

He’s done his part to push this out of his mind. He’s met beautiful women left and right since he made it big. It doesn’t affect his feelings for her. It’s something he’s realized he can’t fight. This video is just reminding him he's putty in her hands and she doesn’t even know it. Or he really, really hopes she doesn’t.

It's not that this is the most beautiful he'd ever seen her. The most beautiful she's ever looked was when she was sitting in sweats without makeup, on his couch drunkenly babbling about her family as they both struggled to stay awake so the night wouldn't end. That was the day he looked into the sun and realized just how fucked he was. He had the misfortune of meeting the most beautiful woman in the world, and she wasn't his. She wasn't anyone's.

His immediate reaction isn’t just shock. Honestly, it's a little jealousy. For a moment, his paranoid mind wonders if there's anything going on between her and Bruno. It takes him a minute to remind himself Z would never work with anyone she’s dating. She's too private for that. They’ve shared so many things with each other in private. He knows how she is about letting her personal life go public. They’re both so afraid of losing everything to their fame. She’s been hurt before so she won’t let herself be exposed by doing something as stupid as playing the love interest in her own boyfriend’s music video.

Besides, that thought was a reach to begin with.

Pushing away thoughts inappropriate for a coworker is not nearly as easy as it used to be. There's being professional and then there's the kind of feelings he has for her. Getting through this is like swallowing paint. By the end of the video he's spent.

He wonders if he can use this energy to motivate himself into finally asking her out.

He'll pick up his phone, call her in seconds because she's on his ‘recent calls’ list, the only staple because he always finds an excuse to dial her number.

She'll pick up and say "Tom? Are you alright?" because she always asks. Because she's always worried.

He'll tell her he's okay, and finally, finally he'll say "Z, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

But he'll never do any of that because he loves her too much to scare her away. So he links the video, he double-clicks an emote, any emote, and he posts it.

Anything else would be too much.

So he puts his phone down and convinces himself he will leave it at that.

Then he tells himself faintly that he is definitely not going to think about that video again in his weaker moments. He is stronger than this.

Except he keeps hitting the replay button.

Ask To Be On My Tag List | Masterlist | gif by @theunholyqueens

#tom holland #zendaya #Zendaya Coleman #tomdaya #spider-man: homecoming #fic #fanfic

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roseamongroses · 5 years

Text

Antithesis: Dear Diary: why?

[Specific-Summary]: They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking,

[Tags/mood:] highschool au, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)

(16) (17)

(Note: Please check the general warnings and character list before continuing since some changes have been made and I don’t want to throw you off later on)

Roman slung the scarf across his shoulders, “You think I should pack this?” he said, striking a pose, “You think it’s gonna be too hot for summer or?”

“You do look good in red...” Dmitri glanced up from his laptop, still typing, “And it’s better than your fifteen--separately bought-- white jeans.”

Roman flung a trench coat at his face. “Glass-fuckin houses babe, half your closet is black and boring--plus I like the white, ” he protested, “And don’t you think the red will be a bit too much with my hair?” he untucked his curls from underneath the scarf, smoothing the sides.

Dmitri laughed, “You’re the definition of a bit too much, Ro,” he said, “But if it means anything the reds been fading for a while now,”

“Wait really?” Roman picked up a hand mirror, angling it with a frown, “Dammit,” he said, “Virgil might still have some bleach left over, but I don’t want to kill my curl pattern like he did…”

“Then don’t redye it,” Dmitri shrugged, “You’ll look good regardless.”

Roman fluffed his hair, pouting in the mirror, “How good?”

Dmitri rolled his eyes, “Fishing early I see,” he said, pausing his typing to take a better look, “The red hair nice, but the brown will soften your features since there ’ll be less contrast.”

“I’dunno if I want to ‘soften my features though...It’d look cute, but...maybe if I cut my hair?” Roman tugged the scarf off, “.…people would take me more seriously.”

“Now why would you…” Dmitri paused, setting his laptop aside nodding, “Come over here, let me take a closer look.”

Roman eyed him warily.

“C’mon now, I’ve been dating you for what? A little over a year, Have a little faith,” Dmitri defended, “I’m not a snake tricking you into sinning,”

Roman crossed his arms, eyeing him up and down, “You’ve done it before--remember?”

“Oh that was fun and you know it, now c’ mere,” He offered a hand.

“It was,” Roman sighed, relenting and taking his hand. Dmitri tugged him to his knees, Roman making panicked noises as they bumped foreheads and he used Dmitri’s shoulders to steady himself, “Close enough?”

Dmitri tilted his head, “A bit closer.”

“Closer?” Roman’s lips barely brushed his.

“There we go--would you look at that,” Dmitri murmured, “A handsome prince if I’ve ever seen one…” Roman’s expression softened and Dmitri continued, “Whoever you’re trying to impress would be stupid not to take you seriously, especially with your anal work ethic--mmph,” Dmitri’s hands flew to Roman’s waist only slightly caught off guard as Roman closed the distance. The sloppy kiss eventually dissolved into Roman peppering Dmitri’s face between giggles.

“Either you’re rewarding me or you’re trying to distract...” Dmitri’s joke died off, eyes fluttering as Roman’s attention dipped lower, trailing his jaw, “Oh that’s...that’s nice…Your brother out?”

“Mhm,” Roman hummed contemplatively, before pulling back a bit, “ Yeah he is, but...I dunno I’m not really in the mood for that…Sorry..”

“You don’t need to apologize every time you know?” Dmitri leaned into Roman’s chest, feeling Roman’s hands nestle into his hair.

“It’s just so...weird.” He could hear the frown in Roman’s voice, “Is it weird? I’m going to be gone for a while too…Am I being a bad boyfriend?”

“You’re not weird, it's normal.”

“But--” Roman’s voice was quiet, “--- it’s not like you’re not attractive-- but--I dunno-- sometimes actually doing stuff like that is just...ugh I can’t even describe it.”

“The other guys might be horny bastards 24/7, but it’s perfectly normal for you Roman.” Dmitri said, “If you want to kiss we can kiss if you want to cuddle and talk we can do that too.”

“Talk’n’cuddle,” Roman mumbled and Dmitri smiled.

“So how are you feeling about the trip?”

“Oh, I’m absolutely horrified--” Roman easily spun into a rant,” I have to be holed up in that infested dung heap with that odorous rat with only my beautiful tia’s cooking as solace?” He sniffed appalled.

“Huh,” Dmitri snickered, “I’ve never heard that nickname for Virgil.”

“I’m not...talking about Virgil.”

---

R: XXX.notalink/rated:m/dontclickfortheloveofgod/dJDoJi90

Rem: WHAT THE FUCK ROMAN Rem: WHY WOULD YOU SEND THAT

L: Why the hell didn’t you read the link first

Rem: WHO THE FUCK READS Rem: GOD NEVER AGAIN

L: I highly doubt it's that bad

L:....I stand corrected

Rem: you clicked the link too didn’t you

L: In the name of science of course

Rem: ROMAN WHY DID YOU SEND THAT

R: ;)

Rem: EXPLAIN YOURSELF

R: ;) XXXX.notalink/rated:m/oopsididitagain/dskfJjfd9dsf3gds

L: That one is more weird than disgusting

Rem: WHY DO YOU KEEP CLICKING ON THEM

L: Why is Roman still sending them?

V: as much as i like smearing my brothers good name that isn’t roman

V: [Roman conked out on the couch, in a sweatshirt and shorts, drool pooling. Jpeg]

Rem: cute photo, 10/10 L: Agreed.

V: god both of you fuckin s t op i t s t o p s t o p

R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/you filthylinkreaders/d3gds789jk

Rem: just bc you have issues with compliments doesn't mean roman does

L:Here we go again I guess...

V; roman doesnt have any fuckin boundaries

Rem: yes, yes he does Rem: they may be thin but he Does have them

V:sorry but he’s way too nice about it

Rem: weve more then established that me calling him cute is okay and i require the sustenance of doting on him okay? Like i get it ive pushed a bit too hard before but like im trying ok???

V: k k I i hit the breaks a bit too soon this 1 time but it’s ducking thin ass ice and I’m not above sending y’all to an icy tomb if you get gross. Roman may be a bastard but he’s still baby

L:Translation: He understands your reasoning and agrees he overreacted, but this won’t stop him from questioning our intents and calling out certain actions. Roman may be okay with joking around with stuff like that and being the center of attenuation, but he’s still self conscious and sensitive.

V:why must you add feelings and adult reasoning to everything

L: How dare you accuse me of having feelings

R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/unicornhornsanddragontails/3nskjJ03 R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/specA-Z/54Kjjf9n R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/asliceofme/fljkl29mfJ

R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/laughsinspanish/5Kjd8

Rem:ye feelings are gross so moving on

Rem: anyway who the fuck is this

V: the bastard

R: you can call me duke [video of Roman, Virgil, and Remus as toddlers, Virgil playing with blocks and listening to some music while in the background Remus follows Roman around.mp3] [image of Roman, Virgil, and Remus currently. jpeg]

V: the bastards name is remus

R: THE. DUKE.

V: FUCK. YOU.

Rem: why the shits have i never met them and why the FUCK does he look more like roman then you do virgil

V: i think it's bc rem doesnt cover up his freckles

V: but yeah my mom and tia had a falling out

R: more like my dad was an asshole

Rem: oh shit same

R: shitty dad squad hmu ;)

Pat: oh hey!!! Me too!!!!

V: yeah it was Not Fun and mom and mama refused to let us go back until tia got a divorce

R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/deodarant/298jksf

R:XXXX.notalink/rated:m/sPicydeodarant/23kjfJ

L: Are you done yet? They’re getting repetitive at this point.

---

Sun beating on his forehead, Dmitri’s chest was light and airy. His hair was tied up in a high ponytail as he worked on repotting some of his nursery plants. Usually, he’d be listening to music, but his aunt had left early that morning for some appointment so he relished the silence.

Brushing the dirt from his hands, he winced at the fresh cuts lining his knuckles.

“You’re still out here?”

Dmitri almost jumped at Dr. Montag’s voice, “Sorry for the mess” he said, gripping the nursery pot tighter, “I-I’ll clean it up right away…”

Dr. Montag crouched, waving him off, “There’s no need. I’m running a few errands for your aunt,” his hands barely brushing the leaves of one, “This is a Yucca right?”

“Uh,” Dmitri blinked, “Yeah it is,”

He laughed, “Don’t look so surprised-- I know things,” he stood back up, “Like how to use google. It’s rather impressive that y’all manage to keep up with so many of these.”

“Barely,” Dmitri relaxed, refocusing, “We used to have a lot more, but without my dad...it got overwhelming,” he shook his head, “It’s the only thing we really….It keeps us busy..”

“This is more than busy--you put a lot of work into these, anyone should be proud,” He murmured, studying Dmitri again, “I’ll be gone in a few, just need to grab her purse. You need anything from the store?”

“Uh...No,” Dmitri frowned, “I don’t.”

---

LilRed: COLLEGE BOARD CAN SUCK MY ASS LilRed: THIS BITCH GOT A FIVE

BlueRanger: Which class?

LilRed: APUSH

BlueRanger: Nice, good job

LilRed:

PurpleRain: L you fuckin broke him

PurpleRain:like I legit just heard a fuckin thud I think he fell

BlueRanger: I just told him good job?

LilRed: i die from validation i die w/o validation

BlueRanger: Please don’t die

PurpleRain: thats a lame ass way to die

LilRed: @purplebitch i feel so loved

PurpleRain: mama didnt raise us for us to die so b o r i n g l y

LilRed: SO HOW DO YOU SUGGEST I DIE

PurpleRain: idk im feelin,,,,rain,,,,,lots of it,,, maybe you’re watching the sea,,,,

PurpleRain: okay I got it

PurpleRain: you’re wearing a white sundress, the ends tattered but well loved. The coast empty with nly the lapping of waves your company. You’re thinking, a lot. Not of anything particular, but thinking nonetheless. The ocean always makes you think, always makes you remember--bringing about a bittersweet tinge of remorse to your heart, but no tears ever fall.

PurpleRain:You make it a habbit to watch the sunrise each day, relishing in the sobering feelings it invokes Maybe you're a masochist at heart

LilRed:maybe it’s maybelline

PurpleRain:I AM HAVING A MOMENT PRINCEY

PurpleRain: one day, you hear footsteps approach, and assume it's your lover returned from war. The news of it's end just coming days prior and making your ventures to the coast sparked with an unfamilar hopefulness.

PurpleRain: instead when you turn around, you do not feel your heart soar. Instead it sinks. An icy panic spreading through you, a curl of dread closing your throat, it's grip tight. You need to move; to get away from them. But you cant. You cant.

PurpleRain: one shot is all it took.

PurpleRain: one.

BlueRanger:....Concern.

PurpleRain: dnd just started again im prepping ok

LilRed:fuckin nerd

LilRed: huh…. i should get a sundress tho

PurpleRain: i have a few bookmarked ill show you later

BlueRanger: Is That Really What Y’all Are Taking Away From This

---

“And so the shop explodes-no not explodes it's in flames and they have the audacity--the au,” Roman coughs readjusting the webcam, “They have the audacity to play ‘Somebody to love’ as he’s fuckin mourning,” he gestured angrily, “Like Neil might as well come into my house and stomp on my heart.”

Dmitri nodded along, amused at the combination of camera lag and Roman’s erratic movements, “Before or after you watch the next episode?” he asked.

“It’s gonna have to be after cause I already finished the season. I never recovered from that scene though, ” Roman shrugged, tapping his jaw thoughtfully, “Probably should’ve started working on my commission sheet,”

“The same sheet you said you were going to start last month?”

“Yes the same one,” Roman blew out an exasperated huff, flopping into his hands, “I don’t know why it’s so hard --I feel scummy for pricing ‘too high’ and like shit for pricing ‘too lo--,” A notification rang, and he glanced over the screen, eyebrow raised, “Huh, Lo’s callin’ to video chat, you mind if I add’em?”

“Nah, go ahead,” Dmitri said, starting to fold the pile of towels.

“Alrighty,” He answered the call, “What’s up ner-” his face lit up, “Princess!”

Giggles erupted from the screen and Dmitri glanced up curious. On the screen instead of Logan was a small girl animatedly talking to Roman. She had two front teeth missing, glitter coloring her cheeks and rainbow beads rattling each time her braids moved.

“Woah, Woah-Woah,” Roman snorted, “Slow down hon, where’s your brother? Does he know you’re using his computer?”

“He’s in the shower,” she said, batting her eyes, “And know is a very strong word, but I can assure you he’s...aware?”

“Mmm, I won’t tell if you don’t,” he said, “So what’s the fairest of the land need?”

She beamed, “You at my birthday party.” she said, more of a command than anything.

Roman made of show of mulling it over, unable to keep a straight face, “I think I can make it.”

Her fist punched the air, “Ya--”

“Nieve,” Logan’s voice called out sternly.

Her eyes shot wide and she scrambled out of frame. Seconds later, Logan reappeared in the frame without his glasses, towel tucked to his chest. He didn’t look particularly mad.

He squinted blearily at the screen, “Roman? “ his gaze slid over, “Dmitri? Shit sorry did she bug you?”

“Not at all,” Roman reassured, “It’s been a while since I came over anyway,”

Logan grabbed their glasses, adjusting the frames, “Yeah...I guess it has...Since you’re here did you get that email from the school?”

“Yeah, it’s bullshit, “ Roman said, rolling his eyes, “If the state cared they would have found the funds somewhere else, it’s all shady as fuck. ”

Logan nodded, saying goodnight before disconnecting.

As soon as his icon disappeared, Roman said, “Huh, that...reminded me,”

Dmitri started on the next pile of laundry, “Of what?” he said, brow pinched, concerned.

“I’ dunno something Remy brought up…” Roman said, playing with his hands, “It’s stupid really but---”

He yelped falling to the floor, Remus victoriously sliding into the rolling chair. He spun wildly, the web camera a laggy blur, with only loud obnoxious kissing noises heard amongst the screaming.

Eventually, Remus slowed down, and it was jarring how much he and Roman looked alike. It was more unnerving seeing such a sleazy look with Roman’s face.

“Oh Dmitri,” Remus mocked, even adopting the heavy accent Roman usually placed on his name, “Embrace me with those big, long artist hands of yours, god I’m going to melt--"

“Shut up--shut up! You Rat-- give it back-give it back--” Roman whined, clambering over the chair, elbowing him, “Give it back, fuckin- MOM,” At one point Roman managed to wrestle the laptop from Remus, kicking him out of the chair and sending him off with a finger-- which Remus promptly returned.

Dmitri’s silently wheezed as Roman turned around visibly frazzled, “God I forgot what I was say-Are you laughing at me?” he said, “Stop it--stop laughing it’s not--”

“It-” Dmitri’s covered his mouth, shoulders shaking “It kinda is,” He said between snorts, only laughing harder at the offended noises Roman made.

As his snickers died down, Roman crossed his arms, “You done yet?” he sniffed.

“Yeah…” he gasped, “Yea...h... I am…” he blinked a bit, a slow smile spreading across his face, “So... what’s this about my hands?”

Roman’s eyes shot wide, incoherent babbling coming from his mouth as his ears turned a bright cherry. He slowly shrank out of frame to promptly die.

---

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

#Roman Sanders #Deceit Sanders #roceit #sanders sides #ts sides #ts logan #ts virgil #ts remus #ts remy #ts patton #sanders sides fanfiction #fanfiction #Antithesis

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