#xxafu

[xiuxianlounge]

a-fu.

        when the senior lan disciples asked everyone to share what they had gathered, a-fu’s hand  ( his only hand )  was among the first on his feet.

        “so,”  he begins, teetering towards one side of the room.  “so. so so so so, i have gathered.  i gathered a lot.  i went to taverns an’ pubs an’ brothels an’ taverns, an' the most interestin’ thing i learned is that this town . . .”

        he sways to the other side, his form slightly scrunched forward.  “. . . has a distillery.  we should have a distillery.  dunno why we don’t have one.  we should have one at cloud recesses.  think that’ll make things fun.”  he looks over to the lans to see if they agree.  the senior disciples and the lan that permanently looks like he’s sniffed chicken shit, do not.  ( see, this is why he likes the junior lans.  they’re nicer!  one gave him a pork bun, and the other . . . is super cute!  a bunny-infused lan! ).

        for about seven more minutes, not that anyone’s counting, he goes on and on about distilleries and how the women here are beautiful and, for a reason no one knows about  ( because who’s really following? ), blankets.  he says there are no blankets in the wei sect.  that is a false statement.

        “someone also said somethin’ bout this . . . blue phoenix-rodent thing.  ‘cept a nice lady told me phoenixes are not rodents.  but ‘tween us, i think she was tryin’ ta trick me.  us.  i was with, uh, miss jin -- jiang.  miss jiang.  that’s what she said, right?  no rodents?”  he gives a hearty wave at mingyan, his now self-proclaimed partner in crime.  “but blue phoenix that’s not a rodent appaaarently saved this one hunter one time an’ then turned into a beautiful blue woman.  well.  the woman wasn’t blue.  i don’t think . . . or maybe she was.”

        a pause.

        “pigeon!!”  he yelps two seconds later.  “it wasn’t a woman.  the blue phoenix that’s not a rodent turned into a blue pigeon.”  his eyes are blown wide and wild, as if he’s just come to this huge discovery.  ( he has.  he’s not the very brightest. ).  “wait wait wait . . . but a phoenix . . . is a bird.  it went from big bird to small bird after saving the poor hunter . . . or did it turn into a woman?  wait wait.  scratch that.”  he waves his arms out as if to physically erase his story.  “beautiful woman turned to blue phoenix that is not a rodent.  thiiiink that’s the super secret-secret here.  we have to look for a woman, a beautiful woman, in blue.”

[xiuxiancrp]

                          —  INTRODUCING 阿福 A-FU  —                             twenty-eight.  disciple, wei clan.

[ HE ] who wields BUZHI and his trusted DAGGER. skilled in HIGH ALCOHOL TOLERANCE and HIGH PAIN TOLERANCE. his ultimate desire? TO BECOME LEGENDARY SO THAT PEOPLE WOULD TELL STORIES OF HIS ADVENTURES, EVEN AFTER HE PASSES.

“a-fu . . how do i even begin to explain a-fu?”

“a-fu can out-drink anyone.”

“i heard there was a really big thunderstorm one day, and lightning struck his hand, and that’s why he doesn’t have a left hand.”

“i heard he saved a thousand people single-handedly during the battle at lanling. no pun intended!”

“a-fu? he’s really skilled in origami. once, he made a paper crane as big as a person and gifted it to the jin clan as endowment . . .but then shaved his head when they rejected him.”

“he broke into the nie dungeons once and fought a dragon while drunk and half-naked. and get this, he won.”

“one time, he met the great wei wuxian--”

“--and wei wuxian told him ‘fuck bitches, get money.’”

“one time, a-fu gave sect leader lan a lapdance . . it was horrific.”

[xiuxianguide]

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