#xan's personal tag and shit

[whatidoisxsecret]

I have been somewhat dead on this account, but not because I am actually gone. Just been on an RP account is all, being dedicating free time to the gym, and my current course workload is INSANE. I see some new followers and a lot of likes on my art, so thank you guys!

Next Tuesday starts my three week vacation from school. If anyone wants to throw some ideas on things to draw in my inbox, on anon or not, go for it! It doesn’t have to be strictly IT content, either. I obviously will pick and choose, only because I do have three traditional pet portraits I need to work on over winter break.

Thanks for the support again, guys!

[lesbianjennette]

cl*ude: h-

me: 🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

[bitchlessdino]

Act of Service

Pairing: coworker!chan x afab!reader

Genre: smut

Word count: 1.1k

tags: cocky Chan, rival!chan, food service au, car sex, praise kink, unprotected sex, neck kisses, biting, degrading, harsh language

author note: hi lol. bc of Xans request, its here. it took a week but it's here. maybe it's bc i’ve been planning my wedding, or I'm excited about the concert, there's just a lot going on in my life I'm a little overwhelmed so please be patient guys. thank you.

You weren’t going to lie, you liked putting on a show. The situation calls for it when you’re one of many servers in a high-end restaurant with customers that always have money to burn. Initially, it felt demeaning, no doubt about it, but it didn’t matter when you say those stacks of tips grow. The pay made the job tolerable until a new guy joined a few months ago.

He was cute, you had to admit, but you knew a threat when you saw one. If you weren’t quick, he would have the opportunity to steal all your clientele, he already had the ins with the middle-aged female crowd and it was looking up with boys around his age. With that pretty boy smile and a tight round ass to boot, he was racking in his own benjamins and regulars that call him by name. He was already on par with you in such a short amount of time.

Normally, you wouldn’t have let this go and bother you, but he seems to enjoy flaunting the success rather than the actual success itself. Let’s just say as pretty as his lips were, boy did he love to talk shit through them. “It’s only been an hour and up to $300 in tips tonight. Lee Chan, you really have it good, don’t you?”

And yes, he does refer to himself in the third person.

You roll your eyes out of his line of vision to mumble curses to yourself, but the newbie hears it nonetheless. He struts in your aisle and leans against the wall next to you as you input table 12’s order. He crosses one arm over the other, a smug smile on his face. “How are you, y/n? You doing good?”

“I was better before you started to walk over. Now my morale is down.”

“Oh well, that can’t be good. Your performance is declining, poor morale won’t do you any favors.”

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath before submitting the order to the kitchen. You turn to face the nuisance head-on. “Don't get cocky because customers are getting interested in a fresh face. It’ll only be before they get sick of you.”

“Like they are with you?”

“Unlike you, I provide consistency. Speaking of,” you began unbuttoning the top of your blouse, a sliver of skin peeking through tantalizingly. Chan’s throat runs dry, and his nails scratch up against his apron. “That’s one of my customers now, with a big group even.”

You tend to the familiar faces assigned to your section and put on a smile. In effortless banter, you get the new arrivals to grow interested in the restaurant’s current promotion and rack up a big bill. A typical flawless execution as always on your end. In the corner of your eye, you notice Chan observing you from inside the kitchen as usual. An intensity in his eyes that seems to grow in passing time. You knew it all too well, having had those same eyes on him.

You both seem to be fighting for the top rank and as silly as it may be, you found it to be worth your time. If you were honest, the boy's ego had to come down to Earth. Even if he was good at his job, it was no excuse to be as obnoxious as he is. No matter how hot he is, it was no excuse for him to treat you like—

“Shit—f-fuck.”

Chan’s lips latch on your neck like a leech and catch the surface of your skin between his teeth. You suck your breath and let the sounds of traffic hum behind the car windows. Your hands roam on the skin exposed from his open shirt, tracing along his tone build. 

“Mmh, you’re so cute when you’re needy.” He mumbles in your skin.

“Y-you’re so a-annoying.”

He chuckles, pulling away from your neck to level his face to yours. “You’re already having sex with me in my car. You can stop with the facade now.”

“Shut up.”

You climb on top of his lap, smashing your lips against his in a frenzy, just knowing he’d definitely have shit on you for succumbing, but at this moment all you wanted was to get off on smth. His hands on your hips, he guides them on top of his body, feeling the heat of your skin tickle him. “You want me so bad.”

“I will leave this car right now if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

“Well, why would you want to,” his hands creep down your pants and past your underwear, feeling the embarrassing wet spot he caused, “we have unfinished business.”

“If you keep talking like you’re in a bad porno, I will seriously leave you blue balled,” you bold state as his index finger curls up at your entrance, “I’m not fu-fuck…”

“What’s that,” he taunts, “you were telling me off?”

“Just—mmh.”

Your hips grind down on his lap, his erection inevitably growing underneath you. You lean into his touch and capture his lips in yours, panting softly as you pull off your blouse. His fingers trace over the texture of your skin, calling your name sinisterly. He readily unbuttons his pants and brings length out in full view. He gazes up at you, Adam’s apple bobbing down as he speaks. “Ride me. I want to see what those hips can do.”

He helps you out of your work pants, kicking them under the driver’s seat, your knees digging into the cushion of his leather seats. He embraces your upper body, watching as you pull out his cock from his underwear and slip it inside you. He groans at how you squeeze around him, watching as either of your arms lands behind him on the back of his seats, your eyes wandering behind him. 

He takes your hands and forces them on the surface of his shoulders, your eyes instinctively on him in an instant, heeding his words. “Is it so hard for you to have your eyes on me? Can you do that for me?”

You silently nod, succumbing to the very man you hate so much in the workplace, falling limp to his very word.

“Can you say it out loud for me?”

“I’ll make sure to look at you.” You solemnly reassure.

He offers a kind smile. “Good little slut.”

Your stomach churns at his confusing praise, not having enough time to properly react when he decides to start thrusting up into you. Your hips move at his speed and your eyes begin to roll the back of your skull, feeling his cock stuffing inside you effortlessly. Hands tingling in excitement, you grab handfuls of his shirt. “Fuck me faster, please, Chan.”

“I live to serve.”

[s1utspeare]

FERAL Zhang Rishan?????????

please?

OH LASEN (also @gaiahenshin wanted some of this) THIS AU HAS RECENTLY CAPTURED MY BRAIN ONCE AGAIN

I outlined this whole thing to @psychic-waffles recently but I'll do a speedrun of it here because i'm actually obsessed with this au

y'know how npss gives us exactly zero (0) zhang rishan lore? I said "fuck that and make it ANGSTY" (this is also inspired by tags that @xcziel left on a xan and meri post about zhang shadowcats bc i love that idea; coincedentally this au is called "tiger, tiger") and decided that zhang rishan could go a little feral. as a treat.

i have this tagged as “feral zhangs au” if you want to see some past snippets i’ve posted!

also this got really long sorry y'all

ANYWAY HERE'S THE RUNDOWN:

the main idea is that sometimes with all the fighting and bleeding and rage that zhang clan members are made of, sometimes one of them will tip over the edge, especially after a traumatic incident, and they can't quite bring themselves back to normal, and instead just become a thing of violence and anger and bloodshed, unless they can find a way to anchor themselves to humanity again

SO zhang rishan left the zhang family bc one of his cousins (who i have named zhang jinliang) who was like the only person who cared about him (for him) lost it after she and a group of their clansmen were ambushed (kinda like what happened with fo-ye) and she was the only survivor. idk what happened after that but she leaves, and then zhang rishan does.

zhang rishan goes into the military, because his only real skills are fighting and taking orders, and he's good at that, but he doesn't really fit in there

and then. his unit is attacked when they're out on patrol one day

and all of his fellow soldiers are being killed

and the enemy is going to take the rest prisoner

and zhang rishan can't let that happen

so over he goes

somehow he manages to get himself back on his own (idk if he realizes that his brothers-in-arms need him or if he's just too tired to keep it up or what) and rescues the rest of his unit single-handedly

and when they get back the military is like "well shit"

cause they can't exactly get rid of him. he just saved an entire unit

but also....... now they know he isn't exactly normal

and it's getting harder for him to remain present in situations, because once that thread has snapped, it's very difficult to stay connected to reality

"And then… and then That had happened, and Zhang Rishan was suddenly a lieutenant, because they didn’t know what else to do with him, but no one wanted him. No one wanted Zhang Rishan because he was too strange and too quiet and a little too dangerous, but Fo-ye said, I’ll take him."

an excerpt bc i'm a slut for this au

fo-ye takes him, bc fo-ye knows when someone needs his help, and even though his clan defected, he knows about the zhang curse (that's part of the reason why they defected)

(and fo-ye's been there. his father was killed in front of him. all of his clansmen were killed in front of him. by all rights, he shouldn't be here right now either, but something kept him from tipping over the edge, so if he can be that something for someone else, he's going to do it)

so he takes zhang rishan in and gets him promoted to lieutenant and trains him and gives him something to hold on to

bc zhang rishan is a solider and a fighter and he's good at taking orders. and fo-ye is his commander, but more than that, he's his anchor.

so essentially fo-ye keeps zhang rishan from absolutely Losing It at any given moment, and zhang rishan devotes the rest of his life to fo-ye

and y'know. if they work this out so that all fo-ye has to do is say a word and zhang rishan's pupils dialate, and his teeth bare, and he launches into a fight with his bare hands, and comes out the other side unscathed? if zhang rishan can do the work of an entire troop by himself, and fo-ye can bring him back afterwards? that's not necessarily a bad thing.

it'll save others a lot of grief, right?

(when fo-ye goes to save ba-ye, he only takes zhang rishan with him. zhang rishan is released at the gates, and he takes out the rest of the men standing guard at the fort. he doesn't come in with fo-ye because they're not entirely sure if he'd be able to recognize anyone who isn't zhang qishan in the midst of everything)

and then when fo-ye gets sick.

Hoo Boy

it's not a good time for zhang rishan

he's so anxious??? he's just??? he's a ball of anxiety not only because the person he would follow into hell is sick, is dying, but also because he's having to keep himself afloat without fo-ye there to keep him up

and he's with ba-ye, and he doesn't want to hurt ba-ye, but he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep himself from doing something he regrets

he's losing sleep and he's losing patience and none of this is helping

also he's having??? weird dreams??? dreams where fo-ye's trapped in a tomb and zhang rishan wants to get him out, wants to help him, but fo-ye doesn't want his help

and then baiqiao village happens and it's comforting, almost, because here he gets to fight and protect and serve and it's nearly enough

but not quite

because when the Chieftain sends him to heiqiao village with her warriors, he's too tired to hold on anymore

and so it's a slaughter

zhang rishan steps through the door of their temple with a bleeding sword and pristine clothes

and he gets the medicine

and he leaves the village with the soles of his boots stamping red prints into the dirt along the way back

(ba-ye, somehow, inexplicably, calls him back. it takes a while, a long while, but he does it)

the medicine doesn't even work, though, and they have to go back to fo-ye's family's manor

and then there's those weird coffin things and the one-for-the-other deal and xinyue tries but she doesn't have any connection to fo-ye's mind, just his heart

but zhang rishan does

so he goes opposite fo-ye and closes his eyes and walks into the cave and he brings fo-ye back

and fuck. it's a relief.

so fo-ye's back! yay!! we love to see it, thank FUCK. zhang rishan can stop being so worried now, right?

well, he thought he could, anyway

but now the japanese are invading, and they're bombing changsha, and they're killing everyone

but fo-ye has a secret weapon

so during the times when the enemies are pounding on their gates and they're running out of ammunition and er-ye has blood seeping through his robes from a bullet to the stomach and ba-ye has terror in his eyes and jiu-ye is out of bullets and wu-ye is down to two dogs

fo-ye says

"Fuguan."

and zhang rishan obeys

[ladykiaras]

a man after my own heart

[redrosydiaz]

so mickey gets his job at old army, probably with the help of his PO larry seaver, and really, he's grateful that larry was able to find something that was at the very least safe and stable and LEGAL, and that's great. mickey really appreciates it, he does. but god, chasing after teenagers who think they were SO clever the way they casually pretended to drop their purse AND the sunglasses they'd just been eyeing up only to sweep them into the bag as they try to clean up... it's getting really fucking old really fucking fast. there's only so much of it mickey can take.

now mickey knows that lip works at the garage with brad and some of his other aa pals. he knows this. ian's mentioned it and lip always finds a way to bring up the garage whenever he's over. and mickey is... curious. he's always liked working with his hands and tools and he's always had a knack for fixing things. just ask fiona gallagher if you don't believe him- during the brief stint where he spent every waking moment at the gallagher house before ian's diagnosis fiona would always ask mickey to fix the leaky faucet or the washing machine or the radiator or whatever was broken. he always did it, no matter how much he's grumble about it. but he'd always liked that kind of stuff. and he's handled his fair share of broken cars and bikes- though, to be fair, most of the time he was taking them apart to strip them of parts to sell and redistribute but thats neither here nor there.

so, one day debbie's car breaks down. or something happens to it where it won't start or its making a funny noise once the engine's running. and it's mickey's day off from the old army. and debbie's got to be somewhere, so she can't wait around for the car to be fixed at a shop, and its not like she's got the money for it either. so she asks mickey if he could help. mickey agrees to take a look at it, because he's nice like that. and so that's how lip finds him when he gets back from work, or when he stops by when he's on break: mickey under the hood of debbie's car working away at the problem. lip sees this and he asks what happened. debbie tells him her car wasn't working, mickey explains what the problem was and how he's fixing it. upon hearing it, lip's pretty damn impressed because whatever it was that was wrong was either something that couldn't be fixed (at least to his knowledge) or it was something that shouldn't be able to be fixed that quickly but somehow mickey had. and lip is very aware of the fact that eddie just left, her sister relocated and she felt like she needed to be close in case xan needed her. and so, he knows brad's looking for eddie's replacement.

so lip casually asks mickey if he's ever worked on a bike before. mickey tells him not exactly, but he knows his way around their parts and the general gist of their workings. lip takes note. and then he ever so casually says hey you should stop by the garage sometime, yknow, if you want. and mickey pretends to brush the idea off because he and lip don't hate each other, not anymore, but they aren't best friends either and the idea of spending time one on one lip (or at least spending time with him without ian being there) just feels kind of weird.

but the offer doesn't leave mickeys thoughts, and he finds himself thinking about it a lot and even talking about it a lot, like just bringing up the garage to ian, asking him about it and stuff. of course, ian knows mickey. and he knows that this is something mickey wants even if mickey doesn't see it or want to admit it yet. he can see how into the idea mickey is.

so one day he tells mickey he has to drop something off at the garage for lip, and he asks if mickey wants to tag along, and mickey says sure. so they go to the garage and ian either actually has something to give to lip or he pretends to give him something but really it was just an excuse to get mickey down here finally. and so ian decides to stick around a little, which means so does mickey. and lip offers mickey a wrench and goes aye, if you're gonna sit around here you might as well make yourself useful yeah? and he asks him to do something, something fairly simple and straightforward that mickey knows how to do and so mickey does. and he tinkers around with some of the bikes and lip even jumps in and starts pointing out different things and teaching him about some of the techniques or whatever. and mickey THRIVES. he catches on really quick, and he really has a knack for it all. ian sees it, lip sees it, even brad sees it.

and mickey likes it, he really likes it. the whole vibe of the garage is so cool, the people there are so cool, even fucking lip. he's a whole different person there, less of an asshole, mickey thinks, and he likes it. it's great. it's somewhere he could honestly see himself, something he could honestly see himself doing.

and so lip tells him he can come by whenever he wants, and so mickey does start coming by, maybe with ian the first few times. but then on his own. and he learns more everyday and he gets better at it every day. and then finally brad ends up offering him a job and mickey accepts because fuck he wants to do this. so he quits old army and he officially gets added to the payroll at the garage.

he trains under lip, and lip teases him for it at first, asks him if he'll be able to do what he tells him and shit and mickey rolls his eyes and goes dont push it, college. and throughout it all mickey and lip form this friendship, for the first time, a bond that goes further than just the mutual desire for ian's safety and wellbeing. and they become friends. and it's sort of weird at first, but beneath all that asshole lip is pretty cool, mickey can admit. and he's actually really good at giving advice, and he's wicked smart, which mickey already knew, but still. he gives mickey shit, but mickey gives him shit right back, and they laugh about it.

ian teases him about it, too. but mickey can tell he loves that the two most important people in his life are getting along.

and mickey's happy. for the first time in a long time he's truly happy with everything in his life. he's free. he has a job that he enjoys and looks forward to. he has friends he's made in the rest of the guys at the garage. he's married to the love of his life, who he falls asleep next to each night and wakes up beside each morning. he has his own little family, him and ian, liam, franny, debbie, carl and whichever other gallaghers or non gallaghers decide to pop in whenever.

things are good, and mickey couldn't wish for it to be any other way.

[omniishambles]

1ST  RULE   —   tag some muses you would like to know better. 2ND  RULE   —   BOLD the statements that are true for your muse.

MUSE.     Tobias Roget Bellamy

FC.     Anthony Head

OCCUPATION.     Funeral Director

AGE.     Late fifties

SEXUALITY.  Gay

PRONOUNS.     He / him.

APPEARANCE :

i  am  5'7"  or  taller.

i  wear  glasses.

i  have  at  least  one  tattoo.

i  have  at  least  one  piercing.

i  have or had blonde  hair.

i  have  brown  eyes.

i  have  short  hair.

my  abs  are  at  least  somewhat  defined.

i  have  or  have  had  braces.

PERSONALITY :

i  love  meeting  new  people.

people  tell  me  that  i’m  funny.

helping  others  with  their  problems  is  a  big  priority  for  me.

i  enjoy  physical  challenges.

i  enjoy  mental  challenges.

i’m  playfully  rude  with  people  i  know  well.

i  started  saying  something  ironically  &  now  i  can’t  stop  saying  it.

there  is  something  i  would  change  about  my  personality.

ABILITY :

i can sing well.

i  can  play  an  instrument.

i  can  do  over  30  push–ups  without  stopping.

i’m  a  fast  runner.

i  can  draw  well.

i  have  a  good  memory.

i’m  good  at  doing  math  in  my  head.

i  can  hold  my  breath  underwater  for  over  a  minute.

i  have  beaten  at  least  2  people  in  arm  wrestling.

i  know  how  to  cook  at  least  3  meals  from  scratch.

i  know  how  to  throw  a  proper  punch.

HOBBIES :

i  enjoy  playing  sports.

i’m  on  a  sports  team  at  my  school  or  somewhere  else.

i’m  in  an  orchestra  or  choir  at  my  school  or  somewhere  else.

i  have  learned  a  new  song  in  the  past  week.

i  work  out  at  least  once  a  week.

i’ve  gone  for  runs walks  at  least  once  a  week.

i  have  drawn  something  in  the  past  month.

i  enjoy  writing.

i  do  or  have  done  martial  arts.

EXPERIENCES :

i  have  had  my  first  kiss.

i  have  had  alcohol.

i  have  scored  the  winning  goal  in  a  sports  game.

i  have  watched  an  entire  season  of  a  tv  show  in  one  sitting.

i  have  been  at  an overnight  event.

i  have  been  in  a  taxi.

i  have  been  in  the  hospital  or  er  in  the  past  year.

i  have  beaten  a  video  game  in  one  day.

i  have  visited  another  country.

i  have  been  to  one  of  my  favorite  band’s  concerts.

RELATIONSHIPS :

i’m  in  a  relationship.

i  have  a  crush  on  a  celebrity.

i  have  a  crush  on  someone  i  know.

i  have  been  in  at  least  3  relationships.

i  have  never  been  in  a  relationship.

i  have  asked  someone  out  or admitted  my  feelings  to  them.

i  get  crushes  easily.

i  have  had  a  crush  on  someone  for  over  a  year.

i  have  been  in  a  relationship  for  at  least  a  year (previously)

i  have  had  feelings  for  a  friend.

MY LIFE :

i  have  at  least  one  person  i  consider  a  “ best  friend ”.

i  live  close  to  my  school.

my  parents  are  still  together.

i  have at  least  one  sibling.

i  live  in  the  united  states.

there  is  snow  right  now  where  i  live.

i  have  hung  out  with  a  friend  in  the  past  month.

i  have  a  smartphone.

i  have  at  least  15  cd’s.

i  share  my  room  with  someone.

RANDOM SHIT :

i  have  break–danced.

i  know  a  person  named  jamie.

i  have  had  a  teacher  with  a  last  name  that’s  hard  to  pronounce.

i  have  dyed  my  hair.

i’m  listening  to  one  song  on  repeat  right  now.

i  have  punched  someone  in  the  past  week.

i  know  someone  who  has  gone  to  jail.

i  have  broken  a  bone.

i  have  eaten  a  waffle today.

i  know  what  i  want  to  do  with  my  life.

i  speak  at  least  2  languages.

Tagged by : @choicelesshope thanks love! Tagging : @sniperwithasmoke, @the-immortals-assistant, @harkcr {for Jeremy}, @theasteriae {for Xan}, @theresastargirl and anybody who wants it, just steal it

[whatidoisxsecret]

It was a wonderful and memorable experience. Thank you again! Don’t stop being the genuine, kind-hearted and loving people you are! 💕 I’m so fortunate to have such nice people in my life

We did it y’all. We met, we talked, we ate, we lived, and we’re planning the next shit show in the next city. In other news, I’m never allowed to order food for the group again, Amelia and I bicker as much in person as we do online, Sho and Court are extremely cute, McKenna accidentally wore NYC on her shirt, and Xan is just casually cool like that. Thank you guys for an amazing weekend. <3

@studpuffin @its-stranger-than-you-think @oldguybones @whatidoisxsecret @tinyarmedtrex

[whatidoisxsecret]

God you are so fucking cute

ME??? I think ya got the wrong person 👀 💀

[obxerv]

put your playlist on shuffle and expose your first 10 songs!

thank u @almondimilk for tagging me!! 

ok so rando facts abt me: i have playlists based on where i live so i had one for each room i lived in in college and for my apartment and then home

i also usually have a specific memory associated a certain song unless its generic like something i hear often on the radio but anyWAY here we go

1. Lies - Lil Xan (tbh this one reminds me of night and nights and NIGHTs of studying in my apartment during lockdown)

2. Chills - Mickey Valen (i read some !!nsfw!! manga after seeing an edit on ig)

3. Dreamland - Glass Animals (my last night in my apartment after eating an entire medium pizza and then crying about it)

4. Gooey - Glass Animals (this is my favorite song y’all already know this... it reminds me of finally coming home and sitting in the sun)

5. 2AM - Che Ecru (heard it in a diaya edit on ig and wow i cant stop listening)

6. Do Re Mi (Tarro Remix) - blackbear (ok sO i didnt know this song had a remix and i also LOVE tarro remixes BUT i heard this song after someone recommended it to me and i listened to it while running for like a week straight)

7. Anything for You - barnacle boi (crying on the train omw to my first medical school interview because i was so terrified i was going to blow it)

8. Venus Flytrap - Feng Suave (also crying -im seeing a trend here- on the bus omw home for winter break after failing all of my finals even tho i studied rly hard) 

9. SimsonWave1995 - FrankJavCee (ok HAVE Y’aLL READ EDITH on webtoonz if yes pls drop an ask but ya saw it in an edith edit on ig and then listened to it on repeat while i read it)

10. Cigarettes - Amir Obe (this one hurts but it was right before i graduated college and feeling the loneliest in my life because so many things were happening and i had no where to turn to)

damn that last one was sad af let me give y’all a boNUS

11. Break Shit - Jasiah (im the best and worst person to drink with) 

tagging if u wanna do it: @umaio, @sirenedsea, @aoimyon, @joonseul, @10days

[whatidoisxsecret]

THIS IS SO SWEET

“Xan’s artwork is the stuff of dreams! I’m also just a fan of her in general. ���”

- to @whatidoisxsecret by anonymous.

[nvrissa]

hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it 

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /: 

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into 

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )  

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !    

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy ! 

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family 

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3    

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail. 

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay 

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )  

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts. 

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ? 

[koganphrancis]

WE ARE FINALLY, TRULY CAMLESS!

Season 9 Episode 6 Recap

First and foremost, I want to single out Noel Fisher for being a truly class act and returning to this demon show to give fans what happiness he could-the ONLY happiness a lot of fans have found here, myself included, in a very long time.

Next a serious piece of appreciation to Cameron Monaghan.  I know he worked hard on what little they gave him to do in the past few years, and I’m thankful he had Gotham to work on to actually use his talent while mired down in the stinky swamp this show has become.  In another actor’s hands, I don’t know that Gallavich would’ve been as captivating as it was-without Noel I know it wouldn’t have been, but Cam does deserve credit for bringing the other half of the couple to life-when they were on screen together, they had an undeniable magic happening.

Finally to any of the “fans” that are thinking or posting that we got this actually pretty shitty prison endgame because people pestered the show producers, writers, and actors too much to “bring Mickey back” may I please direct you to watch the early episode (I believe it was in Season 1, but certainly no later than S2) where Lip tells Ian prison must be a gay man’s dream with all the tattoos and unlimited sex partners.  THAT is John Wells’ perception of gay men and it has been since long before he even thought of breaking Ian and Mickey up, let alone bringing Mickey back.  

Personally I’m supremely disappointed this gay couple, like so many others, did not get a free and truly happy ending in canon, even though my friends know I predicted this could very well be all we got in the end.  FFS it’s the year twenty gayteen-couldn’t ONE iconic gay couple be given a nice, normal happy ending?  John Wells is a fucking dinosaur.  He needs to go to a sensitivity training camp run by Dan Levy, Emily Andras, and Ryan Murphy.  

Anyway-my last recap (baring a miracle) of this shit show is under the cut

(screen cap credit: justmikhailothings)

This episode was brought to us by White Castle.  I’d like to think they gave every dime they got from them to pay Noel, but I’m sure it went to the other “big name” guest stars.

Also the show was (disappointingly) written by Nancy “Ratfucker” Pimental, so you know it’s gonna be bad.

The show begins with Ian putting his stuff away up in the attic and claiming he wants to eat a shitload of White Castle.  Sure, whatever.  Everyone is trying to offer ideas of what they should all do on his last day of freedom, but suddenly THIS Ian is talking and making decisions for himself.  WHERE HAS HE BEEN THE PAST 4 SEASONS?  He only appears when Mickey’s about...

Debbie offers to bring him to a gay bar to “get laid” (flashing back to Monica in S3, ugh-it was a bad idea then, it’s a bad idea now), Ian says, “Pretty sure I’ll get laid a lot in prison.”  He says it with a grim expression, but considering how they end the show/who his cellmate is, he should be so lucky.  

Frank pretty much ignores Ian in the scene, and they certainly don’t interact.  Frank recommends Ian should read James Joyce’s Ulysses in prison, but other than the fact that it’s by an Irish writer and it’s extremely long and dense to get through (aka it’ll take Ian some time to do it), I don’t know if there’s any significance to his suggesting it.  

This scene with just a throwaway send off from Macy seems to be in line with John Wells’ vision to have the series fade away with the characters going about their daily lives rather than end, but I really think both Cam and WHM were screwed out of not having a final scene together with just the two of them.  Their comedy timing was always the best out of Macy and all the Gallagher kids.  The lack of respect is just astounding-especially since the show wasted so much time on rando actors/characters we’re never going to see again.

The rest of Frank’s story this week takes place with Liam in tow again and it’s just dumb and boring.

The next scene shows Fiona and Bored looking at an apartment-they’re going to move in together (why?  And when was this decided?  Not that I care, but they could’ve cut a scene of them bickering to show a scene where they arrived at a decision together for once).  It makes absolutely no sense-they have Fiona’s whole place to themselves, why waste $3000 a month living in some other apartment all to themselves?  Just because it has two bathrooms?  Do they shit that much?

And then, ooh, bad news for Fiona-her business partners require her to kick in another 25 grand or their investment will be dead in the water.  I still don’t know how she went from having $50K to invest to $100K, so this new twist is just more bullshit that I can’t care about.  

Then there’s a scene where we have to see Carl’s new girlfriend’s head in Ian’s lap.  WTF.  We need to see Mickey’s head there-or better yet, Ian using Mickey’s perfect thighs as a pillow.  

There’s a couple of boring, unfunny bits of the nun and then the priest (is it supposed to be hilarious that the dad from Full House is spewing out sex scenario names Nancy must’ve googled?) from Kev and Vee’s kids’ preschool with a dildo.  Seriously, Nance, not even close to funny, probably time to put yourself out to pasture, old girl.  This show has used dildos as a sight gag so many times at this point there’s just nothing more to do with them except maybe shove them up the writers’ asses.

Lip’s storyline this week is something out of very, very bad fan fiction: A movie star comes to their house!  Cuz, that happens, okay?  I’m sure studios and billion dollar make up companies don’t run any kind of background check on people they hire to babysit their clients-why would they?  It’s not like a crazed fan would rape/maim/kill the object of their obsession or anything.  ANYONE can be a star minder for one day, surely.  

BORING ALERT: Lip has a couple more running scenes this week, because no one got enough of that last episode.  This week the least they could’ve done was play the Friends theme song over the endless footage where he’s chasing Courtney Cox around on location in Chicago.  

While watching, I was wondering if Courtney’s role was written for her or they just settled for her when Roseanne Barr was suddenly unavailable-the stuff they had her say and do (except for the sprinting) seemed like it was written for a more jaded motherly type-but I’m jumping ahead.  Since we DID get CC, here’s a couple of stray observations.  1. She looks like a rich man’s Emmy Rossum, and 2. was part of the purpose of her storyline to throw shade at Jennifer Aniston?  Her character is named Jen Wagner, and there’s this whole dumb thing where Nancy’s trying to make, “Face it, you’re gorgeous” happen as her make up commercials’ tag line-which was reminiscent of Aniston’s ads for L’Oreal that stated “I’m/you’re worth it”.  

Meanwhile, after Fi gets the devastating news that she needs to come up with more money she tries to get out of taking the new apartment with Bored by lying to him and telling him she smelled mold there-HE RESTORES OLD HOUSES/BUILDINGS FOR A LIVING why does Nancy think that was a clever lie for Fiona to come up with?  How stupid is Fi supposed to be?

Back at the Gallaghers, Ian is practicing self defense moves with Carl and Kelly to prevent someone from raping him at knife point.  Everyone’s flipping each other in these scenes and it just felt like they wanted to give their stunt coordinator (and Cam’s double) a lot of (boring) shit to do this week...Ian’s final scenes being played out with this meaningless newbie (who Carl will probably wind up killing or dumping or both) made me very sad.  I guess maybe it was to build dramatic tension for when Ian’s in his cell later and the door slides open before he turns around.  But it’s lame because the scenes play like he’s JUST realizing prison’s rapey.  

Someone knocks at the door-my heart started racing but it wasn’t Mickey.  A guy who wasn’t in the jail scenes tells Ian Joselito sent him.  Ian starts asking him about the guys he was in county lock up with-WHO CARES.  The guy tells him the couple he’s asking about broke up when one of them got out and Nancy throws in a line about long distance relationships not working.  Joselito sent this Antonio guy to give Ian an “in-depth safety orientation about Beckman Correctional” before they send him up.   

Antonio draws Ian a map of the facility and tells him the areas to avoid, then draws a big circle with Mickey Mouse ears on it and tells him that’s “Disneyland” and he can get all good things there-smooth blowies, weed, Snickers...I’m sure ol’ Nancy thought she was being clever, but it just took me out of the scene hearing Antonio say “Disney” at least three times-reminded me of Cam’s publicity stunt “coming out date” there last year.  

Fi comes in and asks if anyone has any money (shades of S4 when Ian gave her his Fairy Tail tips) and that she needs 25 grand.  She’s so stupid.  And she’s honestly that out of touch with the family that she thinks maybe one of them has thousands of dollars they could give her?  (although, if she had only gotten to Lip before he tried to buy Xan...)

Fiona tells Ian, “Don’t forget, I’m driving you to prison tomorrow.”  And that’s the last time they see each other.  So much for family, eh, Nance?

A huge time waster of a scene where Kev and Vee pack up all their sex toys and then another drawn out scene of them throwing the stuff off a bridge happen.  Seriously, these are Cameron’s final moments on this shit show-they couldn’t think of anything for him to do?  This was all screen time Cam and Noel could have had, SHOULD have had!

I have to recap this next bit because it was beyond belief unrealistic-Frank steals a bicycle and goes following Katey Sagal and her ex-husband when they leave the hospital in an Audi-and Frank manages to keep up with them all the way to their nice neighborhood that must be some distance away since it was daylight when they left and dark when they get to their door.  Frank.  On a bicycle.  Kept up.  YOU’RE SUCH A DUMB FUCK, NANCY.

Then there’s more White Castle with the money shot of the food and packaging all over the Gallagher kitchen table.  Courtney gets to make a bulimia joke Nancy wrote into the scene.  Hope you weren’t looking for a Guest Starring Emmy, CC.  

Ian tells a “Carl story” about him puncturing his scrotum (on purpose) with a screwdriver when he was a kid.  Carl must have the most mangled dick and scrotum on the planet between his several botched circumcisions and now this.  Kelly asks him if that’s why he has “that scar”.  You know what, Nance?  While some people do in fact find scars sexy, self inflicted ones on scrotums don’t make that list.  

Debbie comes in, recognizes “the chick from the make up ads” having dinner with them.  I’m sorry-having WHITE CASTLE with them.  Now everyone else sees it too, and Kelly insists that CC says “the” line that Nancy made up to make happen-why do they keep trying to make meaningless things A Thing?  

After dinner, Jen is giving Ian advice about prison: “Find a hobby, it makes time go so much faster.”  Ian asks, “Did you learn that from one of your movies?” and she says she did 48 hours for DUI (hey, just like Ethan, Nancy!).  Jen really needed to get into making TP paper mache to get through 2 days?  

Debbie, desperate to make shit about her says, “Maybe I should go to prison too.  It seems like the only way I’ll find a real relationship.”  WHY are they acting like Ian’s going away on a single’s cruise?

Jen says to Debs that’s not true and Debbie says it is, that she’s unlucky in love (when the fuck has she ever been “in love”?)...”men, women...”  

Jen tells her she’s a special woman (how the fuck does she know?) and that she doesn’t want just anyone, she wants somebody “who gets you” and then for the second time in two weeks an older woman, without determining if Debbie is of age, pulls her into a kiss and the others (Ian, Lip, Carl, Kelly) stare like, “WTF?”  The kiss ends and Debbie looks all amazed like she did after the Mel kiss, but then Jen looks at everyone and says, “I played a lesbian once in a movie.”  And that’s what your research into that role led you to believe lesbians do?  Kiss random teens when they’re whining?  Lip starts the “Face it” line and everyone else chips in with “you’re gorgeous” and everyone laughs and I don’t get why it’s funny or even why it’s supposed to be funny.  Seemed like they were trying to drive home the point that ACTORS only PLAY gay characters, but no matter how convincing they seem, they are in reality the much more “preferable” heterosexuals we can feel safe with and really want them to be.  Fuck you, Shameless.

Also, Courtney/Jen is three times older than Debbie-CC is 54 irl and Debs is forever 17 now, so more Kash vibes for anyone who was missing those.  Also perpetuates the writer room’s fantasy that hot young actors would find middle and past middle age folks suitable sex partners.

Fi goes to Patsy’s Pies and there’s another hysterically lame scene where she opens the office safe and is counting out money-I don’t know how much a place like Patsy’s rakes in (or keeps in their safe) but I would think it would take a long time to accumulate 25K in CASH in this day and age of debit and credit cards.  She abandons that bad idea and winds up going down to the docks and drinking with a Patsy’s employee and reciting all her “mo money” problems while he counters with the facts that his car’s been repossessed and that he and his moms are being evicted from the projects.  Then the guy kisses drunk Fi but she tells him she has a boyfriend and that she has to apologize for lying to him (although, really, the underlying implication is she has to apologizing for never seeing that he’s always right about her being a dumb woman who has no head for business decisions).  

Lip and Ian have their last one on one scene.  After the movie star mom for a day leaves, Ian’s fake smoking on the front steps and Lip joins him.  Lip gives him money for his commissary account and Ian says, “I’ll pay you back,” (but not thank you) and Lip says, “No you won’t,” and I’m at home saying, “Lip, why are you being such a dick?”  Ian goes to hand him the lit cigarette, but pulls it away when Lip reaches for it, but then gives it to him and rubs his shoulder.  I guess this is supposed to signal to us that they’ve said everything that’s needed to be said?  Except we’ve been watching and we know Lip is supposed to be a mouthy motherfucker and in the old days they would’ve had actual conversations that they DID NOT have at all-all their conversations this season have been short and awkward.  Ian’s been made into a fucking mute now, even in these final moments.

Their last scene should’ve been in their room, in their beds-Ian can’t sleep and they talk things out in the dark like the brothers they used to be, but no.  Can’t have that.  

The Fiona drama finding out Bored has a wife, kid, and house and then drunkenly smashing up her leased vehicle is so “bad soap opera” I can’t believe this show is still on the air.  If we were supposed to cry for Fiona as her make up  and fake blood ran down her face after her millionth time of being let down by a guy everyone else could see was an ass from the start-well, we just didn’t.  

Next day the Gallaghers are waiting in the living room for Fiona to take Ian to prison.  Kev steps up to drive them all in his truck.

They get there, get out, and Ian looks around, then says to his family, “All right.  I thought Geneva and some of the others would be here but...”  Thank christ they weren’t!!!  The show/Ian wasted too much time on those randos as it was.  However, credit where credit is due-the show got us all the way through this swan song arc without bringing up Terror once!  But I digress, back to our scene.  Carl says, “You can only count on family, dude.”  I scream BULLSHIT at my TV screen.  

Debbie says, “I’m gonna miss you.” 

Group hug.  Kev says, “Don’t get too raped in there, aight?”  Everybody breaks apart, the moment ruined.  Kev says he doesn’t know what to say in these situations (and clearly no one can improvise but Noel).  Vee says, “How about goodbye and I love you?”  

Kev says, “Goodbye, man. I love you.”  

Ian says, “I love you guys too.”  Wasting it on the wrong fucking people!  All of them-except Kev and Vee who never voiced an opinion-didn’t care if went to prison!  

Ian looks at Lip, walks over to him.  “Hey, uh, thanks for being my brother.”

Lip, still a dick, says, “Never had a choice.”  That’s right, bitch-you didn’t get to choose to play the interesting gay brother, you got cast as the dick know-it-all who never cared about anyone but himself.  

During this entire farewell scene I was sitting at home, strangely unmoved.  I felt nothing watching it, probably because everyone was such an asshole about Ian going to prison all season, plus never caring about what he was doing all last season, plus the fact that none of these characters are the characters we first got to know.  It hasn’t been a case of character growth and development, it’s been character assassination and retconning.  

Ian breaks the hug.  “All right.  See you guys.”  He goes to the gate, shows his papers, gets let in through the gate, waves to his family as he walks past the fence, walks into the prison, slaps his phone (wouldn’t he just give that to Lip to hold on to?  Battery’s gonna be dead by the time he gets out) and watch (probably ditto on the watch battery) onto a counter, strips down so we see one last quick shot of his naked ass (what, no cavity search?  And just how long has it been since we’ve seen his unclothed ass anyway?), and a glimpse of the boob tattoo.  

Next we see him in his yellow “I Love You, Philip Morris” jumpsuit, carrying his bedding through the GP.  He’s attracting “fresh meat” attention and Cam actually does a really good job of looking a bit scared while trying to look tough and “don’t fuck with me”-there’s a vulnerability there, but he’s not overplaying it, and he’s certainly not overplaying the fronting.  His acting was really powerful in that scene.  

They put him in his cell and slam the door and he winces a little at the sound, then he sadly looks at his 6X8 foot (or whatever the dimensions are) room, puts his bedding pile on the top bunk and leaves his hands up there and lets his head hang down.  He hears the door slide open behind him again and gets this, “Ugh, here we go,” expression on his face and turns around to see it’s Mickey standing there.

Me at home: Not what I wanted for end game but I’m still thrilled to see the man, the myth, the legend again anyway.  He’s all beefy still from when he was shooting Fonzo and looking good.  

Ian’s looking at him like he’s not sure he’s really there.

Mickey mildly says, “I rolled on the cartel I was working for and in exchange guess who gets to pick where he gets locked up?”  

Ian’s got tears in his eyes now and says, “Holy fuck.”

“Oh hey-I got bottom,” Mickey says as he points to the lower bunk.  Then he walks past Ian and says, “So...you’re on top,” in a bit of a sing-songy voice. 

He flops down onto the bunk, puts his hand behind his head-and check out the gifs closely, especially on Twitter-in the jumpsuit you can see the outline of his dick and it “twitches in interest” as the fan fics say (don’t know if Noel did it by adjusting his thigh, don’t know if it was intentional or what-but it was a sight to see whatever the case).  He does a lip lick/bite combination, Ian’s face lights up a bit and he gives a smile, he crawls onto the bunk on top of Mickey, pinning his hand down while Mickey smiles softly, they gaze at each other a beat, Ian gently strokes Mickey’s cheek, Mickey wraps his free hand behind Ian’s neck, their noses boop, and Ian sort of gently thrusts into a kiss (it was good-definitely had a bit of a sexual vibe to it), which Mickey expertly returns.  It was a very good kiss, tender and loving, but that scene needed words, needed Ian to say SOMETHING to Mickey-needed an “I’m sorry” and a “thank you for always being here for me” and exchanged I love yous.  Neither of these boys are ever told they’re loved!  JFC, nine seasons and the show couldn’t manage to work mutual ILYs in ONCE?  Fuck you, Shameless.  They didn’t even say each other’s NAMES!  

Mickey (and Noel) looked so fucking good lying there-relaxed and happy, finally back with his love where he’s always belonged.  Even when his eyes are closed, they’re perfect.  The angle the scene was shot at, we see more of Mickey’s microexpressions than Ian’s.  

An after the credits began scene of them lying in an afterglow embrace would’ve been nice.  Mickey could’ve mocked Ian’s hair (give us one last “Fire Crotch” you cowards!) and boob tattoo (or offered to fix that for him while they’re in the joint).  

Mickey’s got new ink on his forearm we never see clearly.  Until and unless we’re told otherwise, I’m saying it’s a big ginger root ;)  Bam.  

On a personal note, and not to rain on anybody’s parade, while I believe 100% in Drunk Crew Guy and what he said, I really don’t see us getting another scene in the finale.  This show’s attention span is down to nothing now, and I can’t see them dragging these guys back out now that they’ve given us (shitty) endgame. I don’t think enough time will have passed to let them out of prison by then, I think those final episodes are going to be about Fiona leaving and not Ian and Mickey getting to Mexico-and I can’t really see Mickey being able to go back there now that he’s crossed a cartel.  My feeling is the show filmed 2 possible endings using Noel to choose from-one ending with them in Mexico and the other being the one we got.  They probably ripped off The Shawshank Redemption too much with a Mexico ending and decided to go with this “original” idea instead.  I’d love nothing more than to be wrong, and to get one more scene of these two free and happy.  Cam’s question mark at the end of his farewell post and the fact that I do trust everything DCG said leaves a spark of hope burning in my heart, but hopefully I can back away from endless online speculation and theories about it over the next 5 months.  If it happens, beautiful.  If it doesn’t, at least we got one last look at Mickey and he’s getting dicked down and the love he’s always deserved, even if I hate the fact they’re locked up and will be in danger whenever they’re not in their cell-not to mention this is the shitty way gay love stories get handled in general, but I must not go down that path again in this recap.  

I want to add that Mickey didn’t sound all that “Mickey” in his scene, but maybe he didn’t need his swagger and was being more “real” to let Ian know he had a choice (as always, Mickey didn’t force himself on Ian-he let him come to him).  And kudos to Cam for not doing his hideous Chicago accent for most of the episode.  

There WAS love and chemistry in that final scene.  Just sucks that we don’t get it anywhere else in the show and they wasted so much time last night that could’ve been given to Cameron and Noel.  

But hey, I’m finally free of recapping ;)  While I’m sorry the Gallavich parts are now over, I’m not sorry I can finally quit missing what we used to get while watching what the show now does.  Mickey and Ian are back together now, so, fuck you, Shameless.  

[whatidoisxsecret]

We so adorable

Me and @whatidoisxsecret doing stuff n thangs.

[cotton--dandy]

thanks sm for tagging me @imstuckintime ! ur an angel! 😇💕

1. name: kirsten rebecca

2. nickname: i dont rly have a solid nickname. :/ my family calls me 'miss magoo' or 'booger' on occasion tho.

3. height: 5 ft 3

4. orientation: bi

5. nationality: white

6. favorite food: sushi ofc r u kidding

7. favorite season: fall bby!!

8. favorite flower: not to be basic but pink roses 💘

9. favorite scent: vanilla, rain, gasoline tbh

10. favorite color: pink, i love red too tho

11. favorite animal: i love em all but i just think foxes r neat

12. tea, coffee, or hot chocolate: tea!! ☕🍵

13. average hours of sleep: oh man it depends. i guess like 10-12 on break. and like 5-7 during school. i could sleep forever if it was an option.

14. cat or dog person: i love both but i have started to like cats a lot bc i love mine and i like how they just kinda do their own shit and dont rly worship humans lol

15. favorite fictional character: dandy mott, mac macdonald, mickey milkovich! i seem to love crybaby serial killers, and tough characters that r actually softies.

16. number of blankets: just one!

17. dream trip: i dont know enough abt other places to rly say, pretty much anywhere new and beautiful would just enthral me!

18. blog created: i think like 2013

19. number of followers: 550, pathetic i know lmao but my blogs a mess so it makes sense ha!

20: random fact: i have a calico cat with one eye and i adore her, i have a big crush on lil xan, and i want to be alex delarge for halloween this year!

i feel like ive answered these before so srry if this is annoying to u! but hey its kinda fun! 💓

i tag: @mochi-swissroll , @a-mystery-untold , @dirtymangoflesh , @aesthetic-tofu , @bat86 , @ultraviolet-fox , and whoever else feels like it!

[springtaesarchive]

@jeonsguke TAG YOURSELF: TIEN’S 7TEEN EDITION !! read for roast.. below ... vvv

happy birthday to the baddest binch around ....... tien ....... clap ur hands for this lame ... honestly .. my longest friend in the entire world starts w u . my little baby who i watched grow in my eyes :/ i watched u lit go thru ur entire high school career what does tht say about me .. it means im old and that i've literally been there for so long OFGIDFKMH i remember tht summer of ur freshman year i was like giving u advice about high school and now four years later ur at the top of your class, involved in so much shit and u keep striving to stay at the top and im so proud of u :/// not just as ur bff but someone who implements herself in ur life like a big sister bc u are like a little sister to me :/ ive always wanted a little sister u kno . u kno tht .. ive complained like 10835 times but ur the one .. i got tht lives like 54 miles away which is so sad ... too bad .. . FKLDMH but we'll meet one day laid EE I SWEAR  . nd we'll be just as weird in person as we are on rabbit or discord nd u kno what bring ur laptop so we can pull a xan and diana and talk to to each other while we're sitting right next to each other ? even play mc ? ill even sabotage u in person , uwu . pensive emoji . ANYWAYS . i swear i had something else rlly deep to say but i forgot im getting old tien ... u need to stop growing be tht means IM GROWING ND I RLL YDNY WANNA BE OLD GOD back to the point , omg i rlly wanted to get u a cookie plush bc ive never rlly gotten u anything nd i still have to mail out ur photocard but im so lazy IFDJKMH you'll get them soon !!! but anwyays yeah i missed my train nd i was rlly bummed out the entire day nd it doesnt rlly cost too much so it's fine u kno i got u , :/ but u kno in spirit , i god u cooky ... he's there on ur bed in spirit : ( sad emoji but anyways HAPPY 17TH UGLY I HOPE UR FRIENDS HYPE U UP AND MAKE U CRY BY LETTING U KNO HOW SPECIAL U ARE <33333333 my fav.. virgo libra cusp .. .scorpio moon........

 - aye

the tae 2 u kook ;/

the finn 2 u r jack

the woody to ur buzz ;/

the serena 2 ur blair bc of our gg mascots ..

we need more duos wow

now tht i think of it

wow ...

bitch tf

uh , heres a new one ! 

the jin to ur jungkook <3 kisses