#x. ❛ no matter where we are / we will never be that far. ( re: naomi. ) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

natecross · 7 years ago

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A House of Horrors Playlist for - WASTELAND RP

tw: songs/lyrics may contain graphic descriptors, profanity and triggering material

Aurelia Zaher : Violently Happy - Bjork “Violently happy, Come calm me down, Before I get into trouble, I tip-toe down to the shore, Stand by the ocean, Make it roar at me, And I roar back.”

Ayden Cross : Eminem ft. Rihanna : The Monster “I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed, Get along with the voices, inside of my head, You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath, And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy…”

Bryce Edwards : Broken Machine - Nothing But Thieves “Take a human heart, Add some vanity, Authenticity, And put them all together, Do whatever to your broken machine.” Carter Evelyn Hawthorne : Where Is My Mind - Pixies “With your feet in the air and your head on the ground, Try this trick and spin it, yeah, Your head will collapse, But there's nothing in it, And you'll ask yourself, Where is my mind.”

Carver Bernard : Mad World - Gary Jules “And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had, I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take, When people run in circles it's a very very, Mad world.”

Charlotte Hall : Open Wounds - Skillet “Doesn’t matter what I do, Nothing’s gonna change, I’m never good enough, And you can’t stop me from falling apart, Cause my self-destruction is all your fault!”

Christian Shaw : Everybody Knows That You’re Insane - Queens of the Stone Age “You want to know why you feel so hollow? Because you are. You're missing out? Well if you say so. Then you're missing out.”

Daniel Tseng : Rapture - Hurt “Till your rapture falls to pieces, Find in me the room to breathe, Simple things are suffering, And I would, destroy your god, Because you’re born again, Until you’re worn again”

Dascha Valentine : Delirium - Lacuna Coil “Insane obsession is growing faster there's no medication, It's hard to realise lost in confusion I hear the silence is screaming aloud inside, Delirium.”

Deacon Hughes : Paint it Black - The Rolling Stones “I look inside myself and see my heart is black, I see my red door, I must have it painted black, Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts, It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black.”

Delsin Rhodes : The Kill (Bury Me) - 30 Seconds To Mars “I tried to be someone else, But nothing seemed to change, I know now, this is who I really am inside, I've finally found myself, Fighting for a chance, I know now, this is who I really am, Come, break me down, Bury me, bury me.”

Dresden Spencer : Climbing Up the Walls - Radiohead “I am the key to the lock in your house, That keeps your toys in the basement, And if you get too far inside, You'll only see my reflection.”

Elijah Gray : Down with the Sickness - Disturbed “Looking at my own reflection, When suddenly it changes, Violently it changes, There is no turning back now, You’ve woken up the demon in me, Get up, come on get down with the sickness.”

Eloise “Ellie” Finnegan : Once - Pearl Jam “Once upon a time I could control myself, once upon a time I could lose myself, oh try and mimic..what’s insane, I am in it…where do I stand.”

Ezekiel Bishop : Dr. Dre ft. Eminem - I need a Doctor “I demand you remember who you are, It was you, who believed in me [...], You saved my life, now maybe its my turn to save yours, But I can never repay you, what you did for me is way more, But I ain't giving up faith and you ain't giving up on me, Get up, I'm dying, I need you, come back for fuck's sake.”

Ezra Burk-Ackerman : Barrel of a Gun - Depeche Mode “This twisted, tortured mess, This bed of sinfulness, Who's longing for some rest, And feeling numbWhat do you expect of me?, What is it you want?, Whatever you've planned for me, I'm not the one.”

Friday Knight : Brain Damage - Pink Floyd “The lunatic is in my head. You raise the blade, you make the change. You re-arrange me ‘til I’m sane.”

Helaine Murali : Sister Moon - Sting “Sister moon will be my guide, In your blue blue shadows I would hide, All good people asleep tonight, I'm all by myself in your silver light.”

Ines “Patty” Mercado : Disturbia - Rihanna “It's a thief in the night, To come and grab you, It can creep up inside you, And consume you, A disease of the mind, It can control you, It's too close for comfort.”

Isaia Luko : Disturbed - Asylum “Judgment from the immortal sin, That had enveloped me completely, Punishment for the immoral crime, The debt was never paid, completely.”

Jae Macleod : Crazy Train - Ozzy Osbourne “One person conditioned to rule and control, The media sells it and you live the role, Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane, I’m going off the rails on a crazy train”

Leon Taylor : I am Hell (Sonata in C#) - Machine Head ”I am death, Arms held outstretched, I am hell, Born this mortal shell, I am wrath, Take this bloodbath, God sent me to kill you”

Maite Mata : Lithium - Evanesence “Darling, I forgive you after all. Anything is better than to be alone. And in the end I guess I had to fall. Always find my place among the ashes.”

Max Price : Hearts/Wires - Deftones “Cut through, This razor wire, And died on your heart, Writhe to the end, Break through, Collect the wires, And writhe in your heart, Writhe 'till the end.”

Milah Chou : Imaginary - Evanescence “Don't say I'm out of touch, With this rampant chaos your reality, I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge, The nightmare I built my own world to escape.”

Nathaniel Cross : Korn - Coming Undone “Choke choke again, I thought my demons were my friends, Getting me in the end, They're out to get me, Since I was young, I've tasted sorrow on my tongue, And this sweet sugar gun, Does not protect me.”

Naomi Harper : Losing My Religion - Tori Amos “Every whisper, Of every waking hour,I'm, choosing my confessions, Trying to keep an eye on you, Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, Oh no, I've said too much.”

Nora Judd : Shine on you Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd ”You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon. Shine on you crazy diamond. Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light. Shine on you crazy diamond.”

Samson Gray : Sanitarium - Metallica “Sleep, my friend, and you will see, The dream is my reality, They keep me locked up in this cage, Can’t they see it’s why my brain says rage.”

Roman Alza : Psychosocial - Slipknot “The soul is not so vibrant, The reckoning - The sickening, Packaging subversion, Pseudo sacrosanct perversion, But where the temple fell, The secrets have gone mad, This is nothing new, but when we killed it all, The hate was all we had.”

Rowdy Wilkins : Pyscho - Puddle of Mudd “When everything was like a loaded gun, Ready to go off at any minute, Yeah you know we’re gonna win again, Maybe I’m the one, Maybe I’m the one who is the schizophrenic psycho.”

Violet Clarke : Control - Halsey “I'm bigger than my body, I'm colder than this home I'm meaner than my demons, I'm bigger than these bones, And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me", I can't help this awful energy, God damn right, you should be scared of me, Who is in control?”

Wesley Kelley : Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit “No one knows what it's like, To be the bad man To be the sad man, Behind blue eyes, No one knows what it's like, To be hated, To be fated, To telling only lies, But my dreams, They aren't as empty, As my conscience seems to be.”

Zoe Bishop : My Delirium - Ladyhawke “Hey! you’re playing with my delirium, And the longer I wait the harder I’m gonna fall, Stop! playing with my delirium, Coz I’m outta my head and outta my self control.”

BONUS TRACK [ x ] ( for nicola )

#event: house of horrors

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fortheloveofpearlet · 8 years ago

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Visions of Summer - Manila x Jinkx [Part Four - Final]

A/N - The final part of my first Manila x Jinkx fic. Based on the song ‘In This Diary’ by the Ataris (lyrics can be found throughout fic) also influenced by New Found Glory’s ‘I Don’t Wanna Know’ and Ed Sheeran’s ‘Castle on the Hill’. Thanks to those who have been reading this!

T/W - angst, minor character death

Part Four - Adulthood

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up,

These are the best days of our lives.

The only thing that matters

Is just following your heart

And eventually you'll finally get it right.

The first summer after everyone left for college Karl only visited for a few weeks because his parents wanted him to spend time in the Philippines with them. We hadn't spoken that much in the year he'd been gone, not nearly as much as I thought we would anyway. And all though it was nice to have him back for those few weeks, things were different. We had sex, we made out a lot, but there was a different air to Karl. He didn't seem the same. Matt, Jason and Ben spent the summer in Seattle but again, it wasn't the same. All they talked about was all their new friends and these new experiences they were all having. I felt left out. I didn't feel like I fit in their world anymore. But at least Jason and Matt had seen sense and were now back together. It still wasn't the same.

------------------------------------

The second summer after they left Karl only came back for a week before going to the Philippines and then going to meet his college friends in Europe. We made out less. We had sex once. Things weren't the same. My friends didn't come home at all.

------------------------------------

The third summer, when I'd thought Karl would be moving back to Seattle after he graduated, he didn't come back at all. He'd found a job in New York and he was staying there permanently. I didn't dare ask what that meant for us because I wasn't even sure there was an us. I went to Matt because I didn't know what to do and he told me to go to New York. He told me to go and surprise Karl. So I did. I would live to regret that.

------------------------------------

Karl's aunt gave me a spare key for his apartment in case he was at work when I showed up and then before I knew it I was on a plane. I took a cab to his apartment downtown and I was filled with excitement and anticipation. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face.

I let myself into his apartment. He wasn't at work. He also wasn't alone. He was on his back on the couch with a slim caramel skinned man on top of him. I dropped the keys to the floor without meaning to. They both looked towards the door. Karl's face paled.

'Jinkx? What are you doing here?' He pushed the naked man off of him and they both tried to conceal their hard dicks. I felt momentarily like all the air had been sucked from my lungs. I didn't speak. I couldn't think of anything to say. So I turned and I ran.

I ran until I was out of breath, which wasn't very far as I smoke a lot. I fell to a bench in a small park not far from Karl's apartment and I lit a blunt. I thought I should probably be crying. But once again, I felt completely and utterly numb.

I was about half way through the blunt when he sat down next to me. I didn't look at him. I could see him looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

'Who is he?' I croaked.

'His names Sutan.'

'How long has it been going on?'

'A few months.'

'And you didn't think to tell me?' I finally turned to him, no longer smoking the blunt, I just let it dangle limply from my fingers.

'I didn't think I needed to.' Karl shrugged.

'Really?'

'We aren't together Jinkx.'

'Aren't we?'

'We never said we were.' He looked guilty, I knew he was trying to justify this to himself just as much as me.

'We never said we weren't either.' I turned away from him again. 'He wasn't the first was he?'

'No.'

'You should have told me.' I brought the blunt back up to my lips and re-lit it.

'I'm sorry. But in my defence, you could have called first.'

'Then I never would have known.' I shook my head and stood up from the bench, grabbing my bag.

'Where are you going?' Karl stood too.

'Where do you think I'm going? I'm going home Karl.'

'I didn't want things to turn out this way, you have to know that.' He bit his lip.

'Doesn't matter.' I dragged on the blunt. 'Maybe if I'd come to New York with you things would have been different.'

'Maybe.'

'I've got to go.'

'I really am sorry.' Karl reached for me and grasped my shoulders.

'Please let go of me.' I sighed tossing the blunt on the floor. Karl did as I asked and let go of my shoulders. 'Goodbye Karl.'

Karl sniffed and ran his fingers through his hair.

'Goodbye Jinkx.'

I turned my back on him and walked away. I'd love to say I felt something. But as usual, I felt nothing.

------------------------------------

The following summer no one came home. All my friends had made lives in their college towns, they didn't need Seattle anymore. I hadn't spoken to Karl again and calls with my friends were becoming few and far between. I still felt nothing.

------------------------------------

The summer after that Jason, Matt and Ben returned to Seattle briefly. For my father’s funeral. After a long battle with alcohol addiction his liver had finally given up. My friends had never even met my dad and we hadn't spoken in ages but they still insisted on being there for me. I guess I should be thankful for that. I gave the eulogy to the very thin group of people who'd shown up but I don't remember what I said. I still felt numb, pretty much like I had done every day since Karl got on that bus. I stood at the graveside as they lowered in my dad's coffin. Matt was at my side and he put his hand on my shoulder.

'How you doing Jinkx?' He whispered. I didn't look at him. I kept my eyes focused on the slowly lowering casket and pulled a blunt from my suit pocket. I lit it and exhaled the smoke.

'I'm just fine.' My voice didn't sound like my voice, I guess Matt noticed that too because he gave my shoulder a squeeze.

'We're all here for you.' He told me softly. They might have been there for me in that moment, but no sooner than the funeral was over, they were all gone. And once again, I was alone. Only now my dad was gone, I really was alone.

------------------------------------

One day I woke up and it had suddenly been ten years since all my friends left this town for college and I was still here. I'd lost track of the last time I'd seen my friends. Matt and Jason were married now, I think their wedding almost two years ago was the last time I'd seen everyone. Summer had rolled around once more but summers were different now. When you had a full time job and worked all summer it lost its excitement. I remember being younger and barely being able to wait for summer to come so I could spend those few months doing not a lot of anything. When I look back on those days now I feel as though I took them for granted. If I could go back and do it all again, I'd do it all completely differently. Maybe when Jason offered to take me shopping I wouldn't take it as an insult to my fashion sense and just see it as the friendly gesture it was probably meant as. I would take that drink, I would smile more, and I would allow myself to have fun. Maybe I'd even make more of an effort with Robbie, because now I even found myself missing him. On that first night Karl and I properly met, when we were in Matt's basement I would kiss him because I'd so wanted to, I wouldn't wait like I had done. I would have told him I loved when I first realised it rather than trying to run from it. I would take out a loan or something and put dad into rehab and maybe he'd still be alive. I'd laugh more, I'd enjoy myself more; I'd let myself just be a kid because I'm not sure I ever really was. That's the funny thing about hindsight. Looking back on those summers now, when I'd wished more than anything in the world to be a grown up, I wish I could tell my younger self there was no hurry. Because being grown up wasn't half as fun as growing up. I was only realising now that those were the best days of my life and I'd let them just pass me by. Matt still liked to keep me up to date on all the gossip, mostly through emails now. Apparently Katya was pregnant for a third time, she and Brian already had two boys and this time they were having a girl. She was going to be named after Brian's sister who had overdosed a year and a half ago. Ben and Robbie were engaged and had just moved to the West Coast. They're looking into adopting their first child. Danny was already on his second husband. Things had surprisingly not worked out between him and Mr Haylock. According to Matt, Danny's first husband had been some guy he'd only been dating a few months and they'd thought it would be 'funny' to get married. That worked out as well as you would expect. Apparently Matt had high hopes for his second husband. The rest of the Triple A's were now all settled down as far as Matt knew, the only one he didn't know about was Naomi as Jason had put a ban on him having anything more to do with her when they got back together. Everyone was moving on with their lives. Everyone was following their dreams and living their lives. That just left me. Jinkx the useless fuck up who everyone probably predicted would amount to nothing. Looks like they were right.

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That summer I decided to take a few weeks off work in an attempt to relive my youth I suppose. For the first week and a half I didn't do anything though. I spent my time hauled up in my house wondering where the fuck everything had gone so disastrously wrong. I tried to pin point the exact moment in my life when things had fallen apart but I couldn't. Once a fuck up, always a fuck up I suppose.

One day when it was particularly sunny I decided to go down to Colman pool. I set myself up on a sun lounger listening to my 80's music on an iPod these days, I still missed my disc man. I still didn't get undressed, I still harboured my insecurities but for different reasons these days. I'd put on weight over the last few years, not loads but enough. It had happened so gradually that I hadn't even really noticed. I never thought I'd find myself longing for the days I was so painfully skinny. I lit a cigarette, people didn't turn a blind eye to people smoking blunts out in the open like they used to. I sighed a little to myself. If I concentrated hard enough I could pretend I was still sixteen. If I really focused I could imagine Ben sat on the lounger on one side of me flicking through his phone to find his next booty call. I could picture Jason and Matt on my other side fondling each other and I could hear the sound of them messily making out. I could even smell the weed if I really concentrated. I looked across the pool. If I really squinted I could imagine him sitting there. I could see the sunglasses pulled over his gorgeous eyes, his lip turned up at the corner as he looked at me and the sweat sheen on his bare chest. If I really, really focused I could imagine Karl was still here and we were just sixteen and we had the whole world at our feet. If I could go back, I'd do it all differently. I would tell him every single day how much I loved him. I would have gone to New York with him. We would have lasted and we would have been so happy. I continued squinting my eyes. It was as though he was there. His lip that was turned up at the corner grew into a real smile and he raised his sunglasses onto the top of his head. Only the hair was free from the blonde streak he'd sported back then. I frowned a little, why would that slip my imagination? I'd never seen him without the streak in his hair before, how could I just make that up? But as he sat up on the sun lounger and waved a little shyly at me at across the pool, I realised I wasn't making it up. I blinked a few times, this could not be happening, there was no fucking way. He stood up and bit his lip and before I knew it, he was heading my way. I exhaled a shaky breath and stubbed my cigarette out on the floor. I stood up and smoothed out my t-shirt. I don't think I've ever felt so insecure and vulnerable in my entire life. How was this fair? How had he gotten even more attractive and I'd gotten even more unattractive? He seemed to be moving in slow motion. It seemed to take an actual lifetime for him to walk around the pool but then he was in front of me. The one person I never thought I'd see again. He put his hands in the pockets of his shorts and bit his lip. I'd never seen him so nervous before.

'Hey.' He smiled a little at me.

'Hey.' I replied, what the hell was I supposed to say?

'You look good Jinkx.' He told me and I couldn't help but laugh a little.

'Jinkx, that's a name I haven't heard in a while.' I scratched the back of my head. 'And you don't need to lie, I know I look terrible.'

'You haven't changed a bit.' Karl chuckled.

'What are you doing here?' I wasn't in the mood for small talk. I couldn't just stand here and pretend nothing had happened.

'Vacation?' He shrugged.

'In Seattle? Try again.' I rolled my eyes. Karl sighed and took his hands out of his pockets. They looked like they were shaking.

'Things have been weird recently.' He began. 'I don't know what it is but it started off with me walking into a glass door because it was so clean I thought it was open. Then I fell down the stairs running for the subway. The next day I threw scalding coffee over some guy. Weird things kept happening. One day I was leaving work and my boss said, 'make sure you're on time tomorrow, we have that big presentation' and I told him, 'of course I will be, I'm never late.' But somehow, for the first time in years I was late. My shower broke and then my suit had a hole in it and the subway was cancelled. None of those things on their own would have meant anything but all together, I don't know it was like someone was trying to tell me something.'

I had an idea of what he was getting at. He'd become the jinx.

'So you came back to Seattle because...'

'Because it felt like a sign, as corny as that sounds.'

'So because you suddenly start being clumsy and a bit of a jinx, you thought of me?' I frowned. Yes I was offended. Of course I was.

'It's not like that. It's not as though a single fucking day has gone passed since I left that I don't think about you. It just felt like this was finally the time to do something about it. I don't know, it sounds dumb now I'm saying it out loud.' He sighed. 'I've spent every day for the last two weeks at this pool hoping to see you. I go back to New York tomorrow, this was my last chance.'

'I don't even know why I came here today.' I confessed. Maybe Karl had been sent a sign; maybe I had too?

'I've missed you.' Karl blurted out. I sighed and shook my head.

'Don't do that.'

'Ok sorry.' Karl bit his lip again. 'So uhm...what are you up to these days?' It felt like such a stagnant question. After everything that had happened between us, after all these years did it even matter? I decided to try though, bitter didn't suit me.

'Not much to be honest. I have started laying down some ideas to maybe, potentially start writing a book.' I hadn't told anyone that, not that I had anyone to tell. Karl smiled brightly at me, a smile that went all the way to his eyes.

'Yeah? What's it about?'

'Uhm...summer I guess.' I shrugged. 'I guess it's about being young and wanting nothing more than to be grown up and then when you grow up you realise it's not all you thought it would be. It's about friendships, adventures and being young.'

'Am I in it?' His eyes sparkled a little and I laughed.

'No, why would you be in it?' I scoffed but Karl's face fell and it made me feel bad. 'You might be in it.'

His face broke out into the smile again.

'If I'm not described as the 'dashing Asian' I'm not reading it.' He told me and it made me laugh again. He was always so good at getting me to laugh.

'We'll see.' I rolled my eyes. Silence descended around us after that. It wasn't the comfortable silence we used to have. It was full of that air of anticipation, the wondering what happened next. Karl bit his lip and sighed simultaneously.

'So uhm...this book...do you have to be in Seattle to write it?' He looked a picture of nerves. I felt my heart begin to race. Weak at the knees. Sweaty palms. Racing pulse. I hadn't felt any of those things in a long time.

'Uhm no I guess not. Why?'

Karl stepped a little closer to me, but only a little.

'Come to New York with me.' He cut right to the chase. I felt like I'd just had all the air sucked from my lungs. Was this really happening? Was the love of my life really stood in front of me right now after all these years, asking me to move to New York with him?

'What?' I frowned. 'Karl we haven't spoken in years. And now you show up here out of the blue and want me to give up my home, my job and move across the country with you?' He had to be joking right? Even for Karl this idea was crazy.

'Yeah that's pretty much the size of it.' He stepped a little closer and took hold of my hands. If he could tell they were shaking and sweaty he didn't say anything. 'I know this is fucking crazy Jinkx and a part of me can't believe I'm saying it myself. But seeing you again, all those feelings I had for you have come flooding back and I don't think I can just walk away from you again. I never got to tell you this but I was so, so in love with you Jinkx, and I'm realising now that I still I am. Come with me. Give us one more chance. I swear you won't regret it.' He squeezed my hands and stared intently into my eyes. My head was spinning. Karl was standing here telling me he still loved me and he wanted me to run away with him. A part of me wanted to jump at the opportunity. A part of me was screaming, why the hell do you even need to think this through? But it was a big risk. I could go with him and sure we could be really happy. But it could also end in disaster. It would probably end in disaster. I'm not that spontaneous guy. I'm not the kind of person that can make such a big decision on a whim. And Karl was a whim. 'When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.' Karl gave me a small shrug. I rolled my eyes.

'No way did you just quote When Harry met Sally at me.' I folded my arms. He half smiled at me.

'I thought it would be worth a shot.' He shrugged again. 'You always were a sucker for my movie quotes.'

'It's such a big ask.' I whispered, unfolding my arms.

'I know.' Karl squeezed my hands again. 'Do you not think it would be worth it though?'

'I don't know.' I had never been so confused in my entire life. I was completely torn. 'I don't think I'm strong enough to say no to you.' I confessed and Karl smiled. 'But, I also don't think I'm strong enough to risk having my heart broken by you again.'

His smile faded and he let go of my hands. He hung his head a little.

'Yeah, that makes sense.' He sniffed a little and when he looked back up at me he had tears behind his eyes.

'No it doesn't.' I laughed a little. 'Nothing about this makes sense. Fuck Karl, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do here.' I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I had two paths staring me in the face, both equally as frightening as the other. What will happen next? I don't wanna know.

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The summer of my thirtieth year was probably the best of my entire life. Just shy of two years after I'd started putting together ideas for my book I had not only written it but it had been published. And tonight was my book launch. The kid that was never going to amount to anything had done the impossible.

The bookstore was full of people waiting for my reading of the first chapter of my book. I'd never been so nervous and so excited in my entire life. I took a few deep breaths and stepped up to the podium that had been set up for me. I tripped over my foot as I did so and grabbed the podium to steady myself. I don’t think anyone noticed but I’m sure I was blushing. Always such a clumsy jinx, somethings never change. My hands were shaking a little as I looked out at the crowd.

'Hi everyone, I'm Jinkx Hoffer and I'm here to read you an excerpt from my first book, "Visions of Summer".' I never did like my real name and my publisher told me Jinkx was more interesting. And it had a lot to do with the story so I've gone back to my childhood nickname. People clapped and I ran my finger over the spine of the book. 'This is a story about a confused and messed up kid just trying to navigate himself through his teenage years the best he could. It's about friendships, about growing apart and growing up. It's about finding and losing love with a dashing Asian.' I paused and people laughed. I opened the book to the first page. The book that was always supposed to have a sad ending. The account of how a confused and messed up kid met and fell in love with a dashing Asian and had his heart broken. I looked out across the crowds. My big moment. I wanted to take everything in, I wanted to remember exactly how this all felt in years to come. Our eyes met and as his lip turned up at the corner in that signature way and I felt my nerves start to melt away. I smiled back at him and took a deep breath.

'This book is dedicated to the man who played a big part in the making of it. The man I found and lost love with only to find it once more. This book is dedicated to my much better half, Karl Westerberg.' I motioned towards where he was stood at the back of the room and all eyes turned to look at him. He smiled and gave a little wave. Who would have thought that the confused, messed up kid I wrote about in my book would be here? I never would have dreamed that I would be living in a beautiful New York apartment with a ginger tabby cat called Molly and my future husband. Of course I didn't know as I stood up there that day that my book would be a huge success. I also had no idea that later that night when all of this was over Karl would take me for dinner and propose. I would say yes of course. I could never have predicted then that in less than a year’s time we would be getting married with all our old friends by our sides. I couldn't have imagined that in the summer of our thirty sixth year we would adopt twins, Lacy and Teddy. I had no idea of what was to come. And for the first time in my life, that excited me. I took one last look at Karl and he blew me a kiss before I turned my attention back to the book.

'Visions of Summer, chapter one.' I began. 'Here in this diary, I write you visions of my summer. It was the best I ever had.'

#manila x jinkx #minkx #manila luzon #jinkx monsoon #karl westerberg #jerick hoffer #pearlet #jason dardo #matthew lent #fanfiction

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artificialqueens · 8 years ago

Text

Visions of Summer - Manila x Jinkx - Part Four (Final) By Scarlet

A/N - The final part of my first Manila x Jinkx fic. Based on the song ‘In This Diary’ by the Ataris (lyrics can be found throughout fic) also influenced by a few other songs. This is also being posted on my blog @fortheloveofpearlet.

T/W - angst, minor character death

Part Four - Adulthood

Being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up,

These are the best days of our lives.

The only thing that matters

Is just following your heart

And eventually you’ll finally get it right.

The first summer after everyone left for college Karl only visited for a few weeks because his parents wanted him to spend time in the Philippines with them. We hadn’t spoken that much in the year he’d been gone, not nearly as much as I thought we would anyway. And all though it was nice to have him back for those few weeks, things were different. We had sex, we made out a lot, but there was a different air to Karl. He didn’t seem the same. Matt, Jason and Ben spent the summer in Seattle but again, it wasn’t the same. All they talked about was all their new friends and these new experiences they were all having. I felt left out. I didn’t feel like I fit in their world anymore. But at least Jason and Matt had seen sense and were now back together. It still wasn’t the same.

————————————

The third summer, when I’d thought Karl would be moving back to Seattle after he graduated, he didn’t come back at all. He’d found a job in New York and he was staying there permanently. I didn’t dare ask what that meant for us because I wasn’t even sure there was an us. I went to Matt because I didn’t know what to do and he told me to go to New York. He told me to go and surprise Karl. So I did. I would live to regret that.

————————————

Karl’s aunt gave me a spare key for his apartment in case he was at work when I showed up and then before I knew it I was on a plane. I took a cab to his apartment downtown and I was filled with excitement and anticipation. I couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.

I let myself into his apartment. He wasn’t at work. He also wasn’t alone. He was on his back on the couch with a slim caramel skinned man on top of him. I dropped the keys to the floor without meaning to. They both looked towards the door. Karl’s face paled.

‘Jinkx? What are you doing here?’ He pushed the naked man off of him and they both tried to conceal their hard dicks. I felt momentarily like all the air had been sucked from my lungs. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t think of anything to say. So I turned and I ran.

I ran until I was out of breath, which wasn’t very far as I smoke a lot. I fell to a bench in a small park not far from Karl’s apartment and I lit a blunt. I thought I should probably be crying. But once again, I felt completely and utterly numb.

I was about half way through the blunt when he sat down next to me. I didn’t look at him. I could see him looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

'Who is he?’ I croaked.

'His names Sutan.'

'How long has it been going on?’

'A few months.’

'And you didn’t think to tell me?’ I finally turned to him, no longer smoking the blunt, I just let it dangle limply from my fingers.

'I didn’t think I needed to.�� Karl shrugged.

'Really?’

'We aren’t together Jinkx.’

'Aren’t we?’

'We never said we were.’ He looked guilty, I knew he was trying to justify this to himself just as much as me.

'We never said we weren’t either.’ I turned away from him again. 'He wasn’t the first was he?'

'No.'

'You should have told me.’ I brought the blunt back up to my lips and re-lit it.

'I’m sorry. But in my defence, you could have called first.'

'Then I never would have known.’ I shook my head and stood up from the bench, grabbing my bag.

'Where are you going?’ Karl stood too.

'Where do you think I’m going? I’m going home Karl.'

'I didn’t want things to turn out this way, you have to know that.’ He bit his lip.

'Doesn’t matter.’ I dragged on the blunt. 'Maybe if I’d come to New York with you things would have been different.'

'Maybe.'

'I’ve got to go.'

'I really am sorry.’ Karl reached for me and grasped my shoulders.

'Please let go of me.’ I sighed tossing the blunt on the floor. Karl did as I asked and let go of my shoulders. 'Goodbye Karl.’

Karl sniffed and ran his fingers through his hair.

'Goodbye Jinkx.'

I turned my back on him and walked away. I’d love to say I felt something. But as usual, I felt nothing.

————————————

The following summer no one came home. All my friends had made lives in their college towns, they didn’t need Seattle anymore. I hadn’t spoken to Karl again and calls with my friends were becoming few and far between. I still felt nothing.

————————————

The summer after that Jason, Matt and Ben returned to Seattle briefly. For my father’s funeral. After a long battle with alcohol addiction his liver had finally given up. My friends had never even met my dad and we hadn’t spoken in ages but they still insisted on being there for me. I guess I should be thankful for that. I gave the eulogy to the very thin group of people who’d shown up but I don’t remember what I said. I still felt numb, pretty much like I had done every day since Karl got on that bus. I stood at the graveside as they lowered in my dad’s coffin. Matt was at my side and he put his hand on my shoulder.

'How you doing Jinkx?’ He whispered. I didn’t look at him. I kept my eyes focused on the slowly lowering casket and pulled a blunt from my suit pocket. I lit it and exhaled the smoke.

'I’m just fine.’ My voice didn’t sound like my voice, I guess Matt noticed that too because he gave my shoulder a squeeze.

'We’re all here for you.’ He told me softly. They might have been there for me in that moment, but no sooner than the funeral was over, they were all gone. And once again, I was alone. Only now my dad was gone, I really was alone.

————————————

One day I woke up and it had suddenly been ten years since all my friends left this town for college and I was still here. I’d lost track of the last time I’d seen my friends. Matt and Jason were married now, I think their wedding almost two years ago was the last time I’d seen everyone. Summer had rolled around once more but summers were different now. When you had a full time job and worked all summer it lost its excitement. I remember being younger and barely being able to wait for summer to come so I could spend those few months doing not a lot of anything. When I look back on those days now I feel as though I took them for granted. If I could go back and do it all again, I’d do it all completely differently. Maybe when Jason offered to take me shopping I wouldn’t take it as an insult to my fashion sense and just see it as the friendly gesture it was probably meant as. I would take that drink, I would smile more, and I would allow myself to have fun. Maybe I’d even make more of an effort with Robbie, because now I even found myself missing him. On that first night Karl and I properly met, when we were in Matt’s basement I would kiss him because I’d so wanted to, I wouldn’t wait like I had done. I would have told him I loved when I first realised it rather than trying to run from it. I would take out a loan or something and put dad into rehab and maybe he’d still be alive. I’d laugh more, I’d enjoy myself more; I’d let myself just be a kid because I’m not sure I ever really was. That’s the funny thing about hindsight. Looking back on those summers now, when I’d wished more than anything in the world to be a grown up, I wish I could tell my younger self there was no hurry. Because being grown up wasn’t half as fun as growing up. I was only realising now that those were the best days of my life and I’d let them just pass me by. Matt still liked to keep me up to date on all the gossip, mostly through emails now. Apparently Katya was pregnant for a third time, she and Brian already had two boys and this time they were having a girl. She was going to be named after Brian’s sister who had overdosed a year and a half ago. Ben and Robbie were engaged and had just moved to the West Coast. They’re looking into adopting their first child. Danny was already on his second husband. Things had surprisingly not worked out between him and Mr Haylock. According to Matt, Danny’s first husband had been some guy he’d only been dating a few months and they’d thought it would be 'funny’ to get married. That worked out as well as you would expect. Apparently Matt had high hopes for his second husband. The rest of the Triple A’s were now all settled down as far as Matt knew, the only one he didn’t know about was Naomi as Jason had put a ban on him having anything more to do with her when they got back together. Everyone was moving on with their lives. Everyone was following their dreams and living their lives. That just left me. Jinkx the useless fuck up who everyone probably predicted would amount to nothing. Looks like they were right.

————————————

That summer I decided to take a few weeks off work in an attempt to relive my youth I suppose. For the first week and a half I didn’t do anything though. I spent my time hauled up in my house wondering where the fuck everything had gone so disastrously wrong. I tried to pin point the exact moment in my life when things had fallen apart but I couldn’t. Once a fuck up, always a fuck up I suppose.

One day when it was particularly sunny I decided to go down to Colman pool. I set myself up on a sun lounger listening to my 80’s music on an iPod these days, I still missed my disc man. I still didn’t get undressed, I still harboured my insecurities but for different reasons these days. I’d put on weight over the last few years, not loads but enough. It had happened so gradually that I hadn’t even really noticed. I never thought I’d find myself longing for the days I was so painfully skinny. I lit a cigarette, people didn’t turn a blind eye to people smoking blunts out in the open like they used to. I sighed a little to myself. If I concentrated hard enough I could pretend I was still sixteen. If I really focused I could imagine Ben sat on the lounger on one side of me flicking through his phone to find his next booty call. I could picture Jason and Matt on my other side fondling each other and I could hear the sound of them messily making out. I could even smell the weed if I really concentrated. I looked across the pool. If I really squinted I could imagine him sitting there. I could see the sunglasses pulled over his gorgeous eyes, his lip turned up at the corner as he looked at me and the sweat sheen on his bare chest. If I really, really focused I could imagine Karl was still here and we were just sixteen and we had the whole world at our feet. If I could go back, I’d do it all differently. I would tell him every single day how much I loved him. I would have gone to New York with him. We would have lasted and we would have been so happy. I continued squinting my eyes. It was as though he was there. His lip that was turned up at the corner grew into a real smile and he raised his sunglasses onto the top of his head. Only the hair was free from the blonde streak he’d sported back then. I frowned a little, why would that slip my imagination? I’d never seen him without the streak in his hair before, how could I just make that up? But as he sat up on the sun lounger and waved a little shyly at me at across the pool, I realised I wasn’t making it up. I blinked a few times, this could not be happening, there was no fucking way. He stood up and bit his lip and before I knew it, he was heading my way. I exhaled a shaky breath and stubbed my cigarette out on the floor. I stood up and smoothed out my t-shirt. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so insecure and vulnerable in my entire life. How was this fair? How had he gotten even more attractive and I’d gotten even more unattractive? He seemed to be moving in slow motion. It seemed to take an actual lifetime for him to walk around the pool but then he was in front of me. The one person I never thought I’d see again. He put his hands in the pockets of his shorts and bit his lip. I’d never seen him so nervous before.

'Hey.’ He smiled a little at me.

'Hey.’ I replied, what the hell was I supposed to say?

'You look good Jinkx.’ He told me and I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

'Jinkx, that’s a name I haven’t heard in a while.’ I scratched the back of my head. 'And you don’t need to lie, I know I look terrible.’

'You haven’t changed a bit.’ Karl chuckled.

'What are you doing here?’ I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. I couldn’t just stand here and pretend nothing had happened.

'Vacation?’ He shrugged.

'In Seattle? Try again.’ I rolled my eyes. Karl sighed and took his hands out of his pockets. They looked like they were shaking.

'Things have been weird recently.’ He began. 'I don’t know what it is but it started off with me walking into a glass door because it was so clean I thought it was open. Then I fell down the stairs running for the subway. The next day I threw scalding coffee over some guy. Weird things kept happening. One day I was leaving work and my boss said, ’make sure you’re on time tomorrow, we have that big presentation' and I told him, ’of course I will be, I’m never late.’ But somehow, for the first time in years I was late. My shower broke and then my suit had a hole in it and the subway was cancelled. None of those things on their own would have meant anything but all together, I don’t know it was like someone was trying to tell me something.'

I had an idea of what he was getting at. He’d become the jinx.

'So you came back to Seattle because…’

'Because it felt like a sign, as corny as that sounds.’

'So because you suddenly start being clumsy and a bit of a jinx, you thought of me?’ I frowned. Yes I was offended. Of course I was.

'It’s not like that. It’s not as though a single fucking day has gone passed since I left that I don’t think about you. It just felt like this was finally the time to do something about it. I don’t know, it sounds dumb now I’m saying it out loud.’ He sighed. 'I’ve spent every day for the last two weeks at this pool hoping to see you. I go back to New York tomorrow, this was my last chance.'

'I don’t even know why I came here today.’ I confessed. Maybe Karl had been sent a sign; maybe I had too?

'I’ve missed you.’ Karl blurted out. I sighed and shook my head.

'Don’t do that.'

'Ok sorry.’ Karl bit his lip again. 'So uhm…what are you up to these days?’ It felt like such a stagnant question. After everything that had happened between us, after all these years did it even matter? I decided to try though, bitter didn’t suit me.

'Not much to be honest. I have started laying down some ideas to maybe, potentially start writing a book.’ I hadn’t told anyone that, not that I had anyone to tell. Karl smiled brightly at me, a smile that went all the way to his eyes.

'Yeah? What’s it about?'

'Uhm…summer I guess.’ I shrugged. 'I guess it’s about being young and wanting nothing more than to be grown up and then when you grow up you realise it’s not all you thought it would be. It’s about friendships, adventures and being young.'

'Am I in it?’ His eyes sparkled a little and I laughed.

'No, why would you be in it?’ I scoffed but Karl’s face fell and it made me feel bad. 'You might be in it.'

His face broke out into the smile again.

'If I’m not described as the 'dashing Asian’ I’m not reading it.’ He told me and it made me laugh again. He was always so good at getting me to laugh.

'We’ll see.’ I rolled my eyes. Silence descended around us after that. It wasn’t the comfortable silence we used to have. It was full of that air of anticipation, the wondering what happened next. Karl bit his lip and sighed simultaneously.

'So uhm…this book…do you have to be in Seattle to write it?’ He looked a picture of nerves. I felt my heart begin to race. Weak at the knees. Sweaty palms. Racing pulse. I hadn’t felt any of those things in a long time.

'Uhm no I guess not. Why?'

Karl stepped a little closer to me, but only a little.

'Come to New York with me.’ He cut right to the chase. I felt like I’d just had all the air sucked from my lungs. Was this really happening? Was the love of my life really stood in front of me right now after all these years, asking me to move to New York with him?

'What?’ I frowned. 'Karl we haven’t spoken in years. And now you show up here out of the blue and want me to give up my home, my job and move across the country with you?’ He had to be joking right? Even for Karl this idea was crazy.

'Yeah that’s pretty much the size of it.’ He stepped a little closer and took hold of my hands. If he could tell they were shaking and sweaty he didn’t say anything. 'I know this is fucking crazy Jinkx and a part of me can’t believe I’m saying it myself. But seeing you again, all those feelings I had for you have come flooding back and I don’t think I can just walk away from you again. I never got to tell you this but I was so, so in love with you Jinkx, and I’m realising now that I still I am. Come with me. Give us one more chance. I swear you won’t regret it.’ He squeezed my hands and stared intently into my eyes. My head was spinning. Karl was standing here telling me he still loved me and he wanted me to run away with him. A part of me wanted to jump at the opportunity. A part of me was screaming, why the hell do you even need to think this through? But it was a big risk. I could go with him and sure we could be really happy. But it could also end in disaster. It would probably end in disaster. I’m not that spontaneous guy. I’m not the kind of person that can make such a big decision on a whim. And Karl was a whim. 'When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.’ Karl gave me a small shrug. I rolled my eyes.

'No way did you just quote When Harry met Sally at me.’ I folded my arms. He half smiled at me.

'I thought it would be worth a shot.’ He shrugged again. 'You always were a sucker for my movie quotes.'

'It’s such a big ask.’ I whispered, unfolding my arms.

'I know.’ Karl squeezed my hands again. 'Do you not think it would be worth it though?'

'I don’t know.’ I had never been so confused in my entire life. I was completely torn. 'I don’t think I’m strong enough to say no to you.’ I confessed and Karl smiled. 'But, I also don’t think I’m strong enough to risk having my heart broken by you again.'

His smile faded and he let go of my hands. He hung his head a little.

'Yeah, that makes sense.’ He sniffed a little and when he looked back up at me he had tears behind his eyes.

'No it doesn’t.’ I laughed a little. 'Nothing about this makes sense. Fuck Karl, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do here.’ I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I had two paths staring me in the face, both equally as frightening as the other. What will happen next? I don’t wanna know.

————————————

The summer of my thirtieth year was probably the best of my entire life. Just shy of two years after I’d started putting together ideas for my book I had not only written it but it had been published. And tonight was my book launch. The kid that was never going to amount to anything had done the impossible.

The bookstore was full of people waiting for my reading of the first chapter of my book. I’d never been so nervous and so excited in my entire life. I took a few deep breaths and stepped up to the podium that had been set up for me. I tripped over my foot as I did so and grabbed the podium to steady myself. I don’t think anyone noticed but I’m sure I was blushing. Always such a clumsy jinx, somethings never change. My hands were shaking a little as I looked out at the crowd.

'Hi everyone, I’m Jinkx Hoffer and I’m here to read you an excerpt from my first book, “Visions of Summer”.’ I never did like my real name and my publisher told me Jinkx was more interesting. And it had a lot to do with the story so I’ve gone back to my childhood nickname. People clapped and I ran my finger over the spine of the book. 'This is a story about a confused and messed up kid just trying to navigate himself through his teenage years the best he could. It’s about friendships, about growing apart and growing up. It’s about finding and losing love with a dashing Asian.’ I paused and people laughed. I opened the book to the first page. The book that was always supposed to have a sad ending. The account of how a confused and messed up kid met and fell in love with a dashing Asian and had his heart broken. I looked out across the crowds. My big moment. I wanted to take everything in, I wanted to remember exactly how this all felt in years to come. Our eyes met and as his lip turned up at the corner in that signature way and I felt my nerves start to melt away. I smiled back at him and took a deep breath.

'This book is dedicated to the man who played a big part in the making of it. The man I found and lost love with only to find it once more. This book is dedicated to my much better half, Karl Westerberg.’ I motioned towards where he was stood at the back of the room and all eyes turned to look at him. He smiled and gave a little wave. Who would have thought that the confused, messed up kid I wrote about in my book would be here? I never would have dreamed that I would be living in a beautiful New York apartment with a ginger tabby cat called Molly and my future husband. Of course I didn’t know as I stood up there that day that my book would be a huge success. I also had no idea that later that night when all of this was over Karl would take me for dinner and propose. I would say yes of course. I could never have predicted then that in less than a year’s time we would be getting married with all our old friends by our sides. I couldn’t have imagined that in the summer of our thirty sixth year we would adopt twins, Lacy and Teddy. I had no idea of what was to come. And for the first time in my life, that excited me. I took one last look at Karl and he blew me a kiss before I turned my attention back to the book.

'Visions of Summer, chapter one.’ I began. 'Here in this diary, I write you visions of my summer. It was the best I ever had.'

#manila luzon #jinkx monsoon #pearlet #violet chachki #pearl liaison #bendelacreme #angst #scarlet #rpdr fanfiction #submission #visions of summer #jinkx x manila #m/m au #teenage au #rare pair

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warninggraphiccontent · 4 years ago

Text

22 May 2020

Data dump

I'll keep this short* and sweet** and let everyone enjoy the long weekend.

Some things:

Keep your eyes on the IfG events page, where details of the latest Data Bites (our eleventh) will be appearing shortly. It'll be 6pm on Wednesday 3 June, with SAP (who are kindly sponsoring), the Government Digital Service and Government Shared Services among the speakers.

On the subject of IfG events... the excellent team over at Drawnalism did their thing with our event earlier this week on (re)shaping the state after coronavirus.

And also on the subject of IfG events... make sure you keep 0930-1030 free on Monday 8 June. More on that soon.

Parliamentary Monitor 2020 is out!

A case of not updating some of our charts being significant: a new report from the National Audit Office on the government's coronavirus response suggests there have been 11 ministerial directions issued by the government during the crisis - but they've only published three of them. Transparency much? Given 72 non-Covid directions have been issued since 1990, that's... quite a lot. If you're wondering what on earth I'm wittering on about, here's our explainer on what directions are and why you should care.

The Orwell Prize announced its shortlists for political writing, political fiction, journalism and exposing Britain's social evils yesterday - well done to all those on the lists (and the Orwell Foundation team for keeping everything running). There's still time to enter the Orwell Youth Prize.

The data developments and transparency things spreadsheet tracking the UK's government coronavirus response is still going strong - please add to it here.

And finally... I'd been wondering just how much people were able to understand the forest of log scale charts that have sprouted in recent weeks. Interesting research here (via Alice). It's something Marcus Bell from the Cabinet Office's Race Disparity Unit touched on in his Data Bites presentation - they apparently junked lots of graphics after user testing.

Enjoy the long weekend

Gavin

*relatively. Or at least, bullet points rather than me pontificating

**your taste may vary

Today's links:

Tips, tech, etc

Mental health awareness week (Janet Hughes)

Championing mental health and wellbeing through the pandemic (UK Civil Service)

My mind matters – because Every Mind Matters (UK Civil Service)

Life after lockdown: our ‘new normal’ needs to be one which puts mental health first (Stylist)

Learning in lockdown: moving L&D online (Defra digital)

Lessons learned: 9 takeaways from teaching online during COVID-19 (Damian Radcliffe)

How to…take your events online (Smart Thinking)

Six Feet From Forever (Real Life)

Relax to the sounds of British wildlife (The Guardian)

Graphic content

Viral content: cases

Coronavirus Pandemic (COVID-19) (Our World in Data)

Coronavirus cases and deaths over time: how countries compare around the world (The Guardian)

Will Hot Weather Kill the Coronavirus Where You Live?* (New York Times)

Tracking The Pandemic: How Quickly Is The Coronavirus Spreading State By State? (NPR)

Early projections of covid-19 in America underestimated its severity* (The Economist)

Viral content: consequences

The UK’s public health response to covid-19 (The BMJ)

How views to the @CitizensAdvice webpage on being furloughed peaked during/after big government announcements this week (Gemma for Citizens Advice)

The Results of Europe’s Lockdown Experiment Are In (Bloomberg)

American restaurants are struggling to fill tables weeks after reopening* (The Economist)

R numbers offer no easy answers for UK to lift lockdown* (FT)

Social care: Old money* (Tortoise)

By the numbers: Europe on the move again (Politico)

As football returns in empty stadiums, four graphs show how home advantage disappears (The Conversation)

The Architecture of Containment: Getting to Gold (Institute for Global Change)

Tens of millions of surgeries are being postponed as a result of the pandemic* (The Economist, via Benoit)

Emerging countries lift lockdowns despite Covid-19 cases surge* (FT)

Breaking lockdown rules? An experiment into what the public see as acceptable (YouGov)

COVID-19 policy tracker (The Health Foundation)

Furloughed and Frustrated, Workers Are Struggling Across the U.K.* (Bloomberg)

How far would a million N95 masks go? It’s complicated, and this is why.* (Washington Post)

#dataviz

The public do not understand logarithmic graphs used to portray COVID-19 (LSE Covid-19, via Alice)

John Snow's map of cholera looked as dull as (cholera filled) dishwater compared to his competitors... (James Cheshire)

Anti-viral content

Parliamentary Monitor 2020 (IfG)

Cabinet committees (IfG)

In charts: healthcare technology in low-income countries* (FT)

For Global Legislators on Twitter, an Engaged Minority Creates Outsize Share of Content (Pew)

UK Consumer Digital Index 2020 (Lloyds Bank)

Poorly designed ballots lead to thousands of undercounted votes each year* (Washington Post)

Isochrones (Tom Forth)

Meta data

Viral content: appy days

Coronavirus: Security flaws found in NHS contact-tracing app (BBC News)

Apple and Google release marks 'watershed moment' for contact-tracing apps (BBC News)

NHS App Has More Glaring Security Flaws and This is Just Getting Bloody Ridiculous Now (Gizmodo)

Countries around the world are rolling out contact tracing apps to contain coronavirus. How will we know whether they work? (Science)

Hard questions for policy-makers about digital contact tracing (First Policy Response)

Coronavirus: Northern Ireland rejects UK's COVID-19 contact-tracing app (Sky News)

Coronavirus contact-tracing apps: can they slow the spread of COVID-19? (Nature)

Scotland begins trials of contact-tracing app (Public Technology)

The ethics of contact tracing apps: International perspectives (CDEI)

Viral content: big tech

Naomi Klein: How big tech plans to profit from the pandemic (The Guardian/The Intercept)

Martha Lane Fox: how Big Tech can help us through the coronavirus crisis* (The Times)

How CIA-backed Palantir embedded itself in the NHS* (Telegraph)

Big Tech’s viral boom could be its undoing* (FT)

Viral content: data sources

NEW, FREE DATA: We have just published the code and data behind our excess mortality tracker (James Tozer, The Economist)

Excess Deaths During the Coronavirus Pandemic (New York Times)

Data sources (FT)

Viral content: everything else

The public debate around COVID-19 demonstrates our ongoing and misplaced trust in numbers (LSE)

High visibility and COVID-19: returning to the post-lockdown workplace (Ada Lovelace Institute)

Greater Manchester STILL doesn't know how many people are testing positive for COVID-19 because it can't get results from government (Manchester Evening News)

Guidance on the introduction and use of video consultations during COVID-19: important lessons from qualitative research (BMJ)

Open letter: the NHS’s plans to build a COVID-19 datastore (Anouk Ruhaak)

Removing the pump handle: Stewarding data at times of public health emergency (Significance)

Doing community management for @GOVUK Twitter during COVID-19 (Government Digital Service)

COVID-19: Social surveys are now more important than ever (UK Data Service)

We Have No Idea How Many People in Prison Actually Have COVID-19 (Slate)

Committee writes to the Prime Minister: Lessons learned so far from the COVID-19 pandemic (Science and Technology committee)

Anti-viral content

How Facebook Could Use Giphy to Collect Your Data (OneZero)

POST-LEGISLATIVE SCRUTINY: FREEDOM OF INFORMATION (SCOTLAND) ACT 2002 (Scottish Parliament)

I'm thinking about data... (Edafe Onerhime)

Military And Intelligence Personnel Can Be Tracked With The Untappd Beer App (Bellingcat)

The AI Powered State (Nesta)

Many public authorities are warning requesters that #FOI requests may be delayed... (Campaign for FOI)

MPs make history with remote voting – the story of how it happened (Parliamentary Digital Service)

Why AWS’ Open Government Platform could revolutionise government innovation (Matthew Cain)

Understanding international migration in a rapidly changing world (ONS)

EU privacy enforcer hits make-or-break moment (Politico)

Rebuilding the Energy Performance of Buildings Registers (MHCLG)

Unlock the Hidden Value of Your Data (Harvard Business Review)

Professor Dame Wendy Hall appointed Chair (Ada Lovelace Institute)

Opportunities

JOB: Research Analyst (Spend Network)

JOB: Data analyst (Samaritans)

JOB: Digital Content Creator (HMT)

JOBS: Director of Research, Communications Manager (World Wide Web Foundation)

JOB: Performance Analyst (Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency)

JOB: Community Research Consultant (Open Heroines)

JOB: Head of Futures Capability (Parliamentary Digital Service)

CONSULTANCY: User Experience Researcher vacancy (360Giving)

REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS: databank learning partner (Wellcome)

And finally...

The Miracle Sudoku (Cracking the Cryptic)

TreeTalk

today’s nightmare thought... (Julia Carrie Wong)

Look closer at the dates on the X-axis... (Dale Howard, via Sam)

When axes get truly evil* (FT)

Actually... (Nick Takayama)

The #Bundesliga restarts today. But for those who've never followed it, how do you choose a team? (Jon Worth)

Thread Of Awesome Bird's-Eye Views Of Cities Around The World (Joaquim Campa, via Alice)

@plottervision

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