#wynonna:johnny001

[ofviolentdeath]

@bleedtheneonfromthebitemarks

"Rise and shine, Star Wolf. Brooks gave me the rundown and no way in hell am I letting you mope or fall back off the proverbial wagon."

[ofviolentdeath]

There were questions on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed them back. It would do no good to ask what part of it he wanted more, to be without the physical pain, to not be an addict, or to still have Vervain in his life. Nothing good could come from asking that.

"I know," she sighed, offering him her hand. "But no matter what, you'll always have me and I don't think your mom'll ever give up on trying to find a way to help you. She's still working on growing her abilities, trying to find any way to mend you properly to take away your pain."

To be constantly judged and treated like his addiction was his own fault was deeply frustrating for Johnny, and there wasn't a day that passed that he didn't wish he could just get and stay sober, but until and unless he found a way to free himself of all the pain and other side effects of his disabilities without medicating, that day was unlikely to come.

"I just wish I could go back to how everythin' was before I got hurt. My life would'a been so much better if that had never happened."

[ofviolentdeath]

"Shh, I know," she soothed, pressing a kiss to his head as she continued to comfort him. "I know, Johnny. If you wanted to be like this, you wouldn't keep trying to get better. I know you try as hard as you can and that you don't get the acknowledgment you deserve for that."

It bothered her, the way some of the people around the bar looked at him. They liked to write him off or make jokes, act like he had made this choice. Sure, it was mostly the people passing through, but even some of the regulars tried to compare him to Grayson or even Judas and it made her feral every time.

He couldn't argue with that assessment.

When Johnny was high, he was either too strung out to move, let alone think, or he was in a frantic state of fixating on trying to stay high enough to numb the pain.

If he got to that point, his behavior became erratic, and he became paranoid and reckless until he crashed hard and landed himself back in rehab.

"I know," he murmured defeatedly. "I don't wanna be like this. You know that, right?"

[ofviolentdeath]

"Nope, nuh uh, no way. You have coffee you can drink or I can find you an energy drink, but I'm not going to let you undo all of your hard work."

Despite the firmness of her tone, her eyes were filled with panic as she tried to talk him back down. If he spiraled again because she opened her big fucking mouth, she'd never forgive herself for it.

Johnny didn't say anything more for the moment, instead just trying to pull himself back together and push down the instinct to get high to numb his emotions.

"I need a fuckin' drink..." he muttered desolately, knowing it probably wasn't a good idea, but he couldn't take any more nasty surprises and stress for the time being.

[ofviolentdeath]

"Maybe they were hoping Vervain would have been gone before you came home, I don't know. I don't think they know about the mess with Jolene and Waylon."

She rested her hand on his shoulder, offering comfort but trying not to push or make him feel like he had to accept the touch.

"I'm sorry, Johnny..."

"It's not like it was impossible for 'em to get hold of me. I mean, even if I don't have my phone on me, I was in rehab for a whole fuckin' month. They could have either called there or even left a message with Eli, but they didn't," Johnny sniffled, running his hands over his face.

"And everyone wonders why I have a hard time stayin' sober around here?"

It hurt.

A lot.

"I should'a just stayed in New York..."

[ofviolentdeath]

"I think, with this one, it's more that Jolene and I both needed time to process what was going on. I mean, I left, Johnny. I didn't know you weren't filled in on anything."

That fact bothered her more than anything. Everyone had left him entirely in the dark, hell, even she had been in the dark about some things.

It wasn't a fun place to be.

"This is the first time I've talked to anyone about it."

As angry and upset as Johnny was, the combination of the limitations to his mobility and Wynonna insisting he talk to Jolene first managed to stop him for now from immediately going hunting Waylon down and attempting to beat the shit out of him.

"Waylon can't get away with this," he repeated, weeping as he made one final flailed attempt to push past Wynonna before giving up.

"Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me what the fuck has been goin' on around here? First Verv, and now this?"

[ofviolentdeath]

Wynonna took a deep breath and reached for Johnny's hand, her gaze losing focus as let him see everything from the last few years, trying to keep it in chronological order to the best of her ability. From the first time Waylon had forced himself into her own head to her choice to leave the bar after what had happened between her and Jolene.

She wanted to mute the emotions behind the memories, but she hadn't learned how to do that yet and she hated that Johnny had to experience it all in such a manner, but it was the best she could manage.

"She wanted me to stay away from her, so I left. I don't think she'd do as well away from the people that love her..." she admitted softly when she took her hand back, pulse racing as she tried to push past the disorientation that followed sharing her memories.

"What do you mean, made things worse? What did Jolene do?"

There was too much missing for Johnny to understand what had been going on, but from the sound of it, none of it was good, and a sick feeling was starting to form in his empty stomach.

"Wyn, I need to know everythin' you know because if Waylon..."

He couldn't even get the words out for what he was starting to think had occurred, and he hoped like hell that he was wrong and that even Waylon wouldn't cross that line, but Johnny hated that he couldn't be sure.

"Show me."

[ofviolentdeath]

"I don't know. At least a couple years, but I don't know how long it all started because Waylon's good at mind games." She had, unfortunately, learned that the hard way when he had taken everything she had ever confided and used it against her.

"You'll have to ask Jolene for the details, Johnny. I didn't realize how badly Waylon was manipulating both of us until I showed her my memories of what he had shown and said to me and I think I made things worse. That's part of why I left. I didn't want to keep making things worse."

Johnny was horrified, but more so angry, no longer bothering to try to restrain his imagination now he had confirmation that he was right to think that in the first place.

"Just how long exactly are we talkin'?" he inquired quietly, hoping like hell it hadn't been any more than two since Jolene had only turned eighteen earlier in the year the present year. Not that only two would make it any better, but if Waylon had been pulling that shit while Jolene was still a kid, he'd be out for blood regardless of the fact that Waylon wasn't that much older than her.

[ofviolentdeath]

"I can do that. I learned it from Colette. Said she learned it to keep her grandmother out of her business. She used a lot more expletives but you get the point."

Wynonna winced a little at that before giving a slight nod, her expression making it quite clear it was exactly what Johnny was thinking.

"I'm not sure if he started all of that because he wanted to torment her or if he did it because I had a crush on her."

"You're gonna have to teach me that little trick," Johnny commented with a smirk as he watched Wynonna's handwriting appear on the previously blank pages, though he paused when she brought up how long her brother had been getting his claws into his sister.

"What do you mean?"

He was cautious about jumping to the worst conclusion, but only because Johnny hoped his baby sister was smarter than that.

"Please, for the love of fuck, tell me that you don't mean that kind of messin' around."

[ofviolentdeath]

"You know I would if I could," she sighed, moving to be able to curl around him as best as she could, offering as much affection as he wanted.

"To be fair, you don't exactly think straight when you're high, Johnny. That's kind of part of the problem."

"Not sure there is anythin' you can do to help, honestly," Johnny mumbled forlornly, absently nuzzling into the touch on instinct.

"I mean, not unless you got some way of makin' it hurt less without me havin' to break my sobriety, 'cause I can't remember the last time I could think straight without bein' high or in agony."

[ofviolentdeath]

"I think it tastes pretty good, but I was more talking about your cream and sugar preferences." She said nothing as he moved to sit up, all too familiar with his pain levels. Sure, they healed faster than humans, but even they had their limits and she knew it would likely be longer still for him to heal completely.

"Think of me as less of a babysitter and more emotional support. Brooks called me, filled me in on what happened, and said you could use a friendly face, so I came home."

"As long as it tastes better than the shit they serve in rehab, you've got nothin' to worry about on that front," Johnny replied, moving to sit up but stopping with a visible wince and sharp intake of breath as an all too familiar jolt of pain reminded him that he had to take the extra step of half-rolling onto his front to do so unless he wanted to hurt himself.

"I appreciate the food, but I don't need a babysitter, alright? Just spent the last month havin' people breathin' down my neck 24/7 already."

[ofviolentdeath]

"I know," she soothed, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. She understood that he was likely touch starved after his latest stint in rehab and that wasn't great for anyone, especially not someone mixed with werewolf.

"I'll help you through this in any way I can, okay?"

"I dunno. I just... I didn't wanna come home to this, y'know?"

Johnny knew Wynonna was right, but he was still upset regardless, and he was finding it extremely difficult to bounce back from being blindsided by the whole thing when he'd already been in a delicate emotional state from getting out of rehab and deciding to come home in the first place.

[ofviolentdeath]

"In all fairness, Johnny, what could he have even done with the two of you crossing paths? I mean, unless you two started swinging on each other or something, you know almost no one would have stepped in."

She might not have even stepped in until afterwards herself, mostly because she wasn't sure if Johnny needed or wanted closure where Vervain was concerned.

"I think the only people no one intervenes with at all are Colette and Wilder and that's because you'd have to be stupid to get in the middle of that."

"That's what I was talkin' about," Johnny pointed out, knowing that even his uncle wasn't enough of an asshole to let it slide if someone was being abused like that, especially not family.

"Jude was in the bar when it all went down yesterday. Saw the whole fuckin' thing," he explained. "Not that he got off his ass to do anythin' about it or even said anythin'."

That had only added insult to injury, that both Judas and Brooks had witnessed the whole thing and the fact that Johnny had been completely destroyed by it with no way to handle the fallout from it either.

[ofviolentdeath]

"I could see him not telling you about Verv but mostly because I think he would be expecting you to deck him. If he knew about Jolene, I think that he would have told you. Sort of a bigger deal than ex-boyfriend shit."

But she couldn't be sure. Their uncle had always been on the more difficult end to pin down, the things the man was willing to do for the sake of his own amusement was never great. It was a small wonder Chayton had continued to put up with him for as long as he had.

"You'd think I'd be used to not bein' top of most people's priority list these days, but I ain't," Johnny mumbled, half to himself. "I know I've done shit to piss people off, and I don't blame 'em for that, but when it's shit that's fuckin' pertinent specifically to me?"

He trailed off for a moment, still hurt by the feeling of being completely forgotten about, but it was a pattern he'd become all too familiar with recently.

"Y'know, honestly, I ain't even fuckin' surprised by it anymore," he sniffled. "Fuck, I'd expect Uncle Jude to deliberately not say shit just to be a dick and see what happens, but Mason didn't even warn me."

[ofviolentdeath]

"I don't know if this place will ever not be stressful for you. With so many people to account for, it's not easy to remember who's been telling who what and I think everyone sort of got used to me being your intel on what was going on here. I didn't realize no one would pick up that habit when I left."

It made her feel more than a little guilty, but she had left for her own mental health and, at the end of the day, his parents should have done a better job of keeping him updated too.

"How does anyone around here expect me to stay sober if they can't even be bothered to do the bare minimum in not stressin' me out?" Johnny groused miserably, flopping back down on his bed.

"I'm not askin' for anyone to tiptoe around me or nothin', but at the very least, they owe me a heads up if somethin' is going on I should know about."

It was a fair assessment of the situation in that just because he wasn't there most of the time didn't mean someone shouldn't at least check in with him on a regular basis both to fill him in on anything he'd missed and to inquire about his own general welfare.

[ofviolentdeath]

"You can go back to sleep and I'll stay to make sure you're okay and we can deal with things one at a time, okay?" she promised, wanting to help him but not knowing what else she could do or say.

This was well beyond her experience and she knew it.

"Hey, that's not your fault. This place is chaos on a good day and it's not always the best environment for everyone. That's not your fault."

"I just wanna go back to sleep..."

Sleeping was easier than dealing with things sober. At least when Johnny was asleep, all he had to worry about was the occasional nightmare, and they didn't last long enough to really fuck him up; just upset him a little.

"I came home thinkin' 'hey, maybe this time around I might be able to start over and not fuck it all up' but now... I can't. I can't deal with any of this."