#wroteguilt

[doeeyedgilbert]

✎  . . . @wroteguilt: ‘would you go back to that? to not knowing?’

“sure things might've been more simpler then....” when she had been oblivious to this whole other world of dangers and great risks. “but they weren't whole, not without you. before i met you, there was always just... void. there was something so empty in my chest, i was sad all the time and barely had a reason to keep going. but then because of you, that void was filled and all i feel is love and happiness now. because of you, stefan. . . for being in my life. so of course i wouldn't ever go back.” head shook incredulously & brows gently creased, because it wasn't even something elena had to contemplate on. it surprised her he even had questions about that which caused head to tilt, now concern filled her mind and displayed in warm hues, “why do you ask?”

✧ — ⋆  dark rise sentence starters. / accepting always.

[survivingpierce]

what am i to you?

𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐑𝐏  𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄 || @wroteguilt

          katherine lifted her gloved hand to stefan's cheek, her gaze never leaving his beautiful green eyes.

          "you are everything to me, stefan. i'm happy whenever i see you, i'm joyful whenever we spend time together. you are important to me and that will never change because you mean a lot to me." it's hard for her to say 'i love you', especially because it didn't seem to fit in the moment (wouldn't it be too much?).

          "why do you worry?"

[survivingpierce]

           katherine followed him to the fountain – a beautiful place if it weren't for the serious topics they had to discuss. her dress rustled as she sat next to him, smoothing the fabric of her skirts with her free hand. unfortunately, she didn't know the answers to his questions. at least not completely. she just knew that she couldn't follow him to university because one never knows who would see her there with him who might know her from mystic falls. she also couldn't follow him to university and then return back to mystic falls after stefan returns. that would raise questions and would involve the compulsion of countless people. and the higher the number, the higher the risk of someone being forgotten.

           "no, it doesn't necessarily mean that i have to watch you grow old and die." and the selfish part of her didn't want that to happen. the selfish part of her wanted him to accept her offer and turn into a vampire. when he feels ready not because he feels like he has to. "it means that we have to come up with a solution. i cannot continue to stay here forever without a proper reason." and if she stays, she cannot remain officially unmarried. people here are quite conservative. "your study probably won't allow you to have much free time while you're back at university." which means he won't have a weekend off, and she did not wish that he failed his studies. it is an issue the brunette vampire isn't fond of.

           she was happy that stefan seemed to be fond of her idea and a little grin stole on her lips. "did you know that i'm a good horseback rider?" she had many ideas in mind of what they could do to make memories. 

teeth sunk onto lower lip, rethinking the words that had fallen out of his mouth. while stefan didn't fully understand vampirism, he did know that katherine was a vampire. the concept, however, didn't frighten him. it was a repressed emotion, not exactly disgust or repugnance but curiosity and the need to know more to understand.

he moved away from the brunette and took her hand, leading them toward the fountain situated in the middle of the estate's spacious garden. a soft, melancholic smile painted itself on his face after taking a seat on the edge. he looked thoughtful for a moment before looking at her, "which means what, exactly?" did that mean growing old while she remained youthful? what if he achieved those aspirations and he was unhappy because she was no longer in his life? there was much to think about in that respect. "you'll watch me grow old and die—that is, if you stay long enough."

staring down at their entwined hands, the human looked to her. one month was a reasonable amount of time to make the best of. he knew for a fact that those days will pass them by quickly. curious how time flies by when one didn't want it to. stefan didn't want to hold katherine back. if she was bored of a small, lazy town where nothing happened, she didn't have to stay as much as he wanted her to. "there isn't much to do around here, as you may have already noticed." his face brightened up at an attempt to disperse the sad air between them. "what do you suggest?" he asked, placing his other hand over the one she had on his.

[survivingpierce]

          sometimes it was too easy to forget that stefan was a human, a very mortal human. in her opinion, he represented the right values, but she knew that this could also become dangerous very quickly if you were not careful. but he was smart, certainly, he would recognize the dangers in time before he could get into trouble. another thing she sometimes becomes painfully aware of is the fact that stefan was a young man full of dreams and expectations for his life. he wanted to get married. he wished for things to become proper. he wished for a family. nothing katherine could ever give him, nothing that would add to his happiness. 

          it was heartbreaking, really, to know that she could not give stefan everything he desires, not entire happiness. at least not in the long term. however, she did not reveal these thoughts in any way. instead, she gave him a smile and assured him, "i’m sure you’ll achieve anything you want. you're a good man, stefan salvatore."

          the time with him was a beautiful dream and she would like to extend these moments. but now that he would soon leave to continue studying, their time would probably inevitably come to an end. 

          "i cannot estimate how long it is appropriate to hope for the hospitality of someone who has generously taken in an orphan after she needed help. i’m afraid i can’t stay forever or there will be talk." she can handle giuseppe. in fact, it wasn't hard to charm him. nonetheless, she knows that at some point the talk will start if she stays too long. after all, she was not related and at an age at which one could slowly get married. they will try to make arrangements for her which could give too much attention to her. especially considering that a few council members seem to start becoming suspicious of vampire activity. pearl has already urged her to leave and katherine is not sure if it is smart to stay after stefan is gone. 

          aside from her official explanation (and her lack of answering where she will go), stefan was also the only reason why she would want to stay. this town is boring and she wasn't interested in knitting around the fireplace or doing other dull activities that were appropriate for or expected of women.

          "we still have one month left," she said and laid his hand above his hand to give it a gentle press. "i intend to make the best of each day until your departure." a little smile appeared on her lips again. she didn't want to think about what happens if he leaves, instead, she wanted to make memories with him. 

head nodded in agreement to katherine's point of view on the town's shared faith. stefan had a questioning mind and often got into arguments with giuseppe about traditional ideologies. he wouldn't hear it and instead stormed out of the room before ever agreeing to disagree. regardless of how dogmatic and loud the patriarch's opinions were, he'd never see things his way. "it has gotten me in trouble a few times." a proud smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "it shouldn't, there's nothing morally incorrect about it. although, i would like to get married someday." the family life didn't sound bad, being a loving husband and a better father to his children than the one he got.

drifting away from his thoughts, he turned his attention onto the brunette again. "good, it brings me great relief." he smiled brightly, eyes meeting hers with delight. although their relationship had escalated rather quickly in such a short time, stefan respected katherine even if others would call their behavior frivolous among other things. he found it strange that no one had caught them or simply very fortunate. it wasn't common and frowned upon for a pair of young people to be left alone for such a long period time. maybe katherine was just good at being conspicuous, she was good at many things and knowledgeable. almost at an expertise level. stefan thought she was brilliant.

a hand settled on her cheek as their lips met, pulling away as the smile on his face grew. when her face dropped, his smile slowly faded and a look of concern fell over his features. "but where will you go?" he questioned wistfully, "i think my father would understand if you extended your stay." giuseppe might be many things but he wouldn't put her into the streets after she lost everything.

[survivingpierce]

              the further they were from the building, the more freedom they had. the probability of being seen or heard disappeared the more distance and bushes lay between them. katherine also enjoyed the fact that stefan decided to take the lead. it was a nice change to let him lead her without her determining where they went.

              "a view that can bring you many problems if you voice them too loud and in front of false ears..." katherine pointed out, knowing how much value was placed on faith, integrity, and piety. "but i share your opinion, how can something be bad when it comes to love?" wasn't it all about love? and yet it was considered a sin to love someone and show that love just because one wasn't married. it's nonsense made up by men. 

              "no need to worry, stefan. i don’t think i’ll regret anything that’s between us," she assured him with a smile. they had kissed and been alone without supervision. they even have done more than that. all things that are frowned upon. thankfully, katherine didn't need to care about her integrity. nonetheless, she does have to keep her status & reputation to live a normal life without being considered a (moral) danger. 

              the brunette leaned in closer to press her lips softly against his, taking advantage of the fact that they were hidden in the gardens. a magical moment that did not last long because the dreaded topic of his upcoming departure arose. katherine didn't know that @wroteguilt was actually studying elsewhere when she first met him and decided to come to mystic falls. she only decided to settle in mystic falls because of him. but summer was almost over and he had to leave which would leave her behind. alone.

              "i don’t know if i can claim your father’s hospitality for so long...", katherine stated quietly. claiming his father's hospitality wasn't that much of a problem but being alone was. with damon at war and stefan studying somewhere else, there was no reason to stay in mystic falls. to pretend that she was the orphaned girl who lost her family in the fire. but she could also not follow stefan to university because it wouldn't be proper. she doesn't even know if that's something stefan would want because she does know he has ... issues with coming to terms with what she really is. 

hand in hand, stefan lead katherine further into the garden. a smile danced on his lips before coming to a stop. he turned around to face her and laughed freely at her words now that they were away from any prying ears. "is that so?" he questioned teasingly before briefly dropping his gaze, "to be honest, i'm not much of a believer either."

eyes settled on her movements, that blush returned and spread all over his face. his smile softened at the gesture. a tingling and burning sensation expanded all over his chest. an action so simple yet intimate. he could melt right then and there and it wasn't just because the layers he wore and the temperature clashed.

his stare captured hers, mouth opened slightly still processing everything she had said up till now. it was extremely flattering how she proclaims the lengths she'd go through to be with him. a cocktail of newly found emotions swirled in his stomach like butterflies, only far more intense.

"you enchant me, katherine—but i promise, you won't have to do anything that goes against your beliefs to love me." love shouldn't be extravagant or difficult. it should be easy and serene. someone you choose to give your affections to and be given them in return. it goes without saying that troubles are unavoidable but he believed that a strong bond can weather through it all. he never had the perfect example of a loving relationship. most of those ideas had been adopted from romance novels.

he inched in closer and smiled, his eyebrows lowered slightly as pensive expression fell over his features. "i will be going back to the university in less than a month," exciting as it was to be in the final year of his studies he was already anticipating how much he was going to miss her. "i'll return for christmas break. will you still be here?"

[survivingpierce]

              another nice habit of stefan was the fact that he never uttered empty words just to flatter her. she could be sure that everything he said was true and felt that way which makes every word even more precious. he made her feel things she hadn’t felt in a long time. a fascinating progression from being a ruthless, cold vampire (who she was still), to a girl in love who wanted to believe that their bond would last. forever. she doesn't see a world in which she would let him go and forget him.

              katherine hummed softly at his touch which soon was followed by a kiss on her cheek. in her opinion, these quite innocent touches could even be much more intense than sex and she wished that this moment was going to last longer. 

              of course, the sound of the morality police's steps had not escaped her, but for the moment she wanted to ignore mrs. fitzgerald. unlike humans, katherine had the luxury of being relatively carefree if one saw her with @wroteguilt - she could just wipe out what someone saw. nevertheless, she found it charming that stefan wanted to protect them both from a scandal. 

              a light giggle escaped her throat as stefan decided to take her hand and lead her outdoors; finding the whole experience thrilling. again, she felt like a carefree girl who was allowed to enjoy the moment. "i don’t think three hail marys would be enough to stop me from coming back to you," katherine retorted with a playful wink, her hand still in his. "not even a confessional would free me from my wish to be with you." she raised their joint hands and placed a kiss on the back of his hand. 

              "i do not mind being a sinner for you." frankly, she didn't care at all about what is considered a 'sin'. what a strange concept anyhow because how can it be considered bad to be in love with someone?

a soft smile curled on stefan's lips after emitting a relieved sigh. it worried him that he might have come off too strong by saying such thing. which is why he chose his words carefully before blurting out something inadequate. his smile only grew as she spoke, raising an eyebrow. no one knew what the future had in store for them but it warmed his heart that their time together left an everlasting impression.

as she closed the space between them, he leaned into her and closed his eyes when their cheeks brushed. "there's no one else i'd rather be here than with you." satin grazed her back's exposed skin. her touch sets his skin on fire in the hot, summer evening. eyes flutter open, he leaned in to press a kiss on her cheek.

suddenly, footsteps were heard growing closer to the dimly lit hallway prompting him to pull away and meet her eyes. hands brought her in closer to hide them from the older, strict woman coming their way. if found in such compromised circumstance, people would talk. society around town was cruel when it comes to rumors especially ones that can were deemed scandalous.

"let's go to the garden." he spoke softly, taking her hand and leading them through the backdoor so that no one would catch sight of his flushed face. the gentle breeze feels nice on his face, clearing away the red from his face. he turned to look at her, smiling brightly. "that was close. i think mrs. fitzgerald would have had us say three hail marys if she had seen us." he laughed lightheartedly.

[doeeyedgilbert]

a kind smile lifted olive features at the way stefan responded to her touch, it was sweet. so hand returned to the nape of his neck & gently clutched his hair, fingertips delving into his locks, softly scratching his scalp as their foreheads touch and the returned sentiment meant everything to her no matter how many times he told her it. “doubts as in . . those moments when you get really into your head sometimes. when you're sad and i get worried you believe in whatever thoughts are circling around in there and sometimes it can be hard to pull you out of. i was making sure it wasn't one of those moments.” she clarifies honestly after their gazes met, concern heavy in doe eyes. “it sounds surreal. but i'm an air conditioner princess, i don't think i'd survive so i declare you a champion.” little devious laughs playfully bubbled out of her before taking on a thoughtful look, “and that's the hard part, i'm not sure. my whole life has been built here . . family's here, so are friends. this is my home, i'd love to keep it,” she frowned, glancing around at all of her belongings while hand subconsciously squeezed his. maybe jenna could keep it in good hands. “but i know moving away would be better in the long run. and besides, we eventually would have to anyway before people start to notice things and get suspicious.” which was worrying, but he kept her mood intact by suggesting somewhere to go for a few days and him repeating the word selfie amused her too much while she was distracted on her phone, opening snapchat and flipping through funny filters before landing on the puppy dog filter. “where do you think? lake house? the beach? where to, mr. salvatore?” elena innocently questioned, discreetly holding her phone up– nevermind the screen giving them puppy ears as she smiled towards it & was hoping stefan wouldn't notice it long enough to get the picture.

eyes  close  when  elena’s  fingers  run  through  his  hair.  he leans  forward  so  that  their  foreheads  are  lightly  touching,  smiling.  head  nods  slowly  in  understandingly,  her  love  is  unconditional  and  it  isn’t  something he takes for  granted and  treasures  it  dearly.  “i  love  you  too,  elena.”  stefan  opens  his  eyes  to  meet  her  gaze,  a  look  of  reassurance  fell  over  his  features.  pulling  away,  body  leans  back  slightly,  peering  over  at  her,  “doubts?  no  doubts  here.”  a  more  playfulness  in  his  tone  than  before.  what  he  feels  for  her  is  real  and  doesn’t  require  any  second  guessing.  lips  pull  into  a  broad  smile  as  the brunette  pokes  fun  at  his  prolonged  existence.  he’s  impressed  by  her  ability  to  change  topics  so  effortlessly to lighten the mood.  instead  of  dragging  the  existential  questioning,  he  decides  to  play  along.  “hey,  it’s  not  as  difficult  as  you  would  expect.  once  you  realize  you’re  in  it  for  the  long  run,  you  kind  of  just  learn  to  roll  with  the  punches.  adjust  as  time  goes.”  having  too  much  free  time  and  a  need  to  escape  his  mind,  he  took  advantage  of  the  ongoing  changes  and  kept  up  with  the  trends.  brows  raise  as  she  stammers,  waiting  on  what  she  wants  to  say.  his  eyes  follow  her  movements,  curiously  looking  on.  a  hand  gently  falls  over  hers,  “where  do  you  wanna  move  after  college?  because  i  think  we  deserve  a  more,  interesting  backdrop  for  our  new  selfie.  how  about  we  get  out  of  here,  just  for  a  couple  of  days?”  he suggests before adding, "think of it as a manifestation."

[doeeyedgilbert]

doe shaped hues travel to where her hand goes, his lips finding a home to her knuckles & causing a sweet smile to curl her lips upwards at his gentle nature. yet another ounce of love filling her heart whole for him. “and you don't ever have to repay me. that's just what people do when they love each other, that's something that should never feel like it needs to be owed. and i do . . i love you, stefan.” dark haired girl reassures, honey eyes gleaming up at him; free hand reaching up to cup the back of his head & lithe fingers carding through his hair. “okay because i was worried, i thought you were having doubts and i don't want you to have those.” she knows how he gets sometimes, like he just said... those moments where he was down and she had to encourage him reasons to keep living. so she's just taking in extra consideration, being vigilant of how he's feeling. “maybe after i finish college, it can be easier one day. maybe we can just move away to somewhere else.” elena optimistically suggests, smile growing on her face & brows lifting, “ . . what won't ever be easy? is grasping the idea you existed during a time where there wasn't air conditioning or iphones or even that super helpful little gps inside your phone. or . . selfies.” amusement grew in her voice, listing these silly things on purpose. attempt to bring him amusement. “hey– speaking of so . . reminds me we need to take a new one.” she excitedly beams & already is reaching for said iphone on her nightstand, other hand still holding onto his.

ignorance was bliss—but was that ever an option? both thrust into a world they hardly understood, without choice, without warning left to navigate it on their own. there were good people out there who have lend a helping hand. stefan wanted to be that for elena. she was a good person who has weathered through tragedy. someone who in his darkest moments encouraged him to keep fighting. "you've done a lot for me too, elena." hands reached to take hers and pressing his lips to her knuckles, "you inspired me to keep living and accepted me—even at my worst. i don't think i can ever repay you." the only thing he can do is make sure she lives a long and happy human life in the midst of all the chaos. he searched for her gaze after noticing concern on her features. "i just want to know how you're feeling. all of this—it can't be easy."

[survivingpierce]

             she makes him happy. weren’t those the most beautiful words you could say to her? they definitely meant a lot to her and it made the evening even better. "if it feels real to you, you don’t have to question it. such deep sensations and feelings cannot be falsified." and she remembered one thing she once believed in: true love is not real unless it is returned. those feelings were mutual.

            her hand still lingered on his cheek, not yet ready to break the contact (and especially not after he laid his hand on hers). "none of them comes close to you, stefan. it's why i'm here with you," she assured him with a smile. "if you or someone else asked me to accompany them to such an event, i would choose you." she would always choose him even if he were the last one to ask. provided that he asks eventually. 

            her hand slipped from his cheek to his chest, right above his heart. "you really don't have to worry. the others don't matter."

stefan placed a hand over katherine's and leaned into her touch. insecurity was unbecoming, he was aware of that but it was too late to take the words back. thankfully, the lights in the room were dim and didn't expose his flushed face.

"and so are you, katherine. i'm glad that i make you happy. i wouldn't be able to forgive myself if i did otherwise." he can't begin to imagine how much she suffered after losing her entire family. "you make me happy, too." lips parted open to catch his breath. "the happiest i've ever been in my life."

a quiet scoff fell past the male's lips, brushing her knuckles with his thumb through the glove. he turned his gaze down before meeting hers, "you've earned quite a handful of potential suitors." his brother, for instance but he didn't say it aloud. "i know i've no reason to be jealous but i can't dictate what my heart feels or doesn't. it has a mind of his own, you see."

[survivingpierce]

             "then do not worry about it, stefan. the way it feels to you, it feels to me." even more intense because a vampire's emotions were a multiple of what humans felt even though that was hard to imagine. "it is not a feeling that will just disappear." she paused for a second before she added: "i'd even go as far as to say that it will never fade away, not even after years..." what she felt for stefan was more intense than what she has felt in years, centuries even. she doubted she could ever truly forget what he triggered within her. 

             "i'm glad to hear that. i thank you for asking me to be your company." she had hoped he would although she didn't know if he would actually have the courage to ask. stefan was always so mindful of his older brother even though it wasn't his attention katherine craved.

             she started to beam when @wroteguilt unexpectedly declared that he was falling in love with her. it wasn't a confession she had anticipated right now but it was a welcome one. he was right, though, she couldn't say it back. she had feelings for him, that could not be denied, but she wasn't yet ready to say them out loud. what was pronounced could not be taken back and she knew it was a risk. it would make her vulnerable, even more than she already has made herself. so instead of saying anything, she stepped closer (as far as her expansive skirt allowed) and rested her cheek against him, her eyes fluttering close while her fingertips brushed over his chest. "it means a lot to me" she whispered, a happy smile playing along her lips. it was a moment of weakness because she knew that this was very inappropriate if someone discovered them. it didn't matter at the moment though.

although it hasn't been long since they met, stefan was certain what his feelings for katherine were. it was too soon to call it love but it could be. he would never forget the day they met. when their hands first touched, a feeling unlike any other overthrew him. "it does. realer than anything i've ever felt." he breathed.

a smile curled on his lips, the brunette's words were enough to lift away every doubt he had. self-doubt, really. he had been so immersed in his pursuit to become a doctor that he often missed out important things like a social life and the worry he felt for someone else taking her affections away, it was petty. against his own brother? they don't fight, they look after each other. anyway, it wasn't really up to him who she chose, was it? "and i'm truly honored to have been your date tonight. i had a wonderful time." his smile grew brighter, reaching his eyes.

rendered nearly breathless when her hand went over his chest, stefan nodded. their eyes meet and he felt that if he didn't say it now then he might let the opportunity pass. "i—i'm falling in love with you, katherine." he declares sincerely and wholeheartedly, "and it's alright if you can't say it back. i just wanted you to know because i couldn't keep it to myself any longer."