#wrote this while high so I hope it makes sense aaa

[puddgyy]

💗about the blog💗

Hiya, I’m Ez, I use they/them pronouns and I think being chubby is cute and fun!

I’m a sub in a monogamous relationship - not interested in talking, I will not respond to DMs. You’re welcome to send asks if you want to discuss stuff we think is hot 😌 but please no horny directed AT me! Thanks!

Kinks featured on this blog include: d/s dynamics, pet/puppy play, humiliation, light force feeding, breeding (and preg but not the baby part eep), milking/hucow stuff, cumflation, rapid wg, big tiddies, dumbification, and uhhh probably some other stuff I can’t think of rn!

*Minors, bigots, and people who can’t respect boundaries will get blocked

* I’m not actively gaining, but I like to fantasize 😇 (and act as a negative influence on anyone who has the unfortunate experience of reading my horny textposts)

*Feedism/fat kinks and fat liberation go hand in hand!

*This is a side blog, you might catch a few likes and a follow from my main blog (it’s also nsfw lol)

*sorry in advance for getting high and yappin in the tags 😅

*If I reblogged your post and you don’t want it here lmk. I know this kink isn’t for a lot of folks so I always try to check blogs and make sure it’s okay, but I might slip up!

[hiswhiteknight]

Unbelievably Outlandish– Part 1

Summary:  Before starting down a new crossroads, the Reader goes onto an adventure of literary traveling. Suddenly tossed into an unbelievable story that has swept the world, The Outlander Series itself. How will a twenty first century woman survive?

Note: I own no characters, except reader, clearly this is based off the lovely book series Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and tv show. This follows more the tv show, but it’s far from accurate. I’m going to try to get better with using less proper English, but who knows maybe I’ll get into Scottish slang.

Pairing: Jamie Fraser x Female Reader

Words: 1900

Warning: Angst, playfulness, cursing, slow start

It has been a long time coming, you haven’t been on a real vacation since you graduated high school. You joined the Marines immediately, went into training and university. With you, it was always work, work, work. For you, it made sense since your brother was a Navy Seal and you both didn’t really have family. And you didn’t stay anywhere long enough to make super close friends to vacation with. But this trip, this was for you and only you.

               You got your degrees in psychology, battle strategies, and world cultures, but your true love was literature. You made it this far living a pretty isolated life because of your brother and your books. You generally just loved to read, so after leaving the Marines, before you started to find your new pathway you said you were going to take this vacation around Europe stopping in different places described or lived in by some of your favorite authors. Jane Austen, Shakespeare, Sir Doyle, Thomas Malory, etc. And it’s been amazing seeing all these places that inspired your idols, imagining how your favorite fictional characters lived.

               And here, alas you were in Scotland. Not necessarily because one of your favorite fictional characters lived here or your favorite author grew up near here, but because of your brother.  He wanted you to explore where you both came from, he felt it would help understand life before you both lost your parents. Plus, he was a huge history buff – it was his hobby outside the Seals.

               He told you all about the battles and culture amongst the decades before us. He told you about our Irish and Scottish ancestors. He’d tell you, you can’t have a name like Y/N O’Mulligain and not think of the Irish.

               There was this nearby village you were passing through. An author named Diana Gabaldon wrote a romance novel based on this rock formation. Your old college roommate wrote a thesis paper about historically accurate romance novels and pop culture. You thought, what the hell, since your here minus well check it out.

               It was strange at first, wondering through this supposed magical place. People clearly flocked here for Outlander’s popularity. You more enjoyed watching the people. You sat against a tree, pulled out a sandwich from your bag, and watched the middle age woman touch these rocks like they were the rock hard abs of a character from Outlander. It was quite amusing. You liked to think your mother would be doing the same thing if she were still alive.

               “You must not be a fan, girly,” you look up to an older woman, clearly Scottish from her accent.

               Shaking your head, standing up to shake her hand, “Is it that obvious,” you laugh, “I’m Y/N. Just a tourist, watching other tourist. That obvious hugh?”

               “Mary, deary,” she grinned answering you with her name while look up at you. You were about five three, but this woman had to be four feet something tall because she was tiny, “Just by the way you’re gazing all around, a girl looking for her own adventure, not through someone else’s eyes or story, but of your own.”

               “You get all that from just looking at me,” you laughed, looking at her curiously. You loved people like this, authentic and wily – it was usually the case with old people.

               “It’s the glimmer in your eye,” she gripped your chin softly, shaking it.

               You laughed, smiling down at her, “May I ask you a question? Do you believe the tales of this place? I know the Scottish culture has a lot of tall tales and superstitions, but a story like that?”

               “Aaa,” she nodded her head, “A skeptic,” she nodded, “These people wandering about, they don’t really believe in the tale. But I believe in the magic of this place, it just doesn’t work from anyone. It’s for the special.”

               Watching her with amusement and skepticism, you laugh nodding your head, “I hope I didn’t offend you with my question.”

               “No, of course not dear – though I believe in the magic of this place. I mostly come to watch these woman fawning over these rocks. I like to bet on which woman will kiss one of those moldy old things.” You laughed so loud, she grinned up at you, “I am about to go home to my hunny Wallace, but you stay here for me? Those three woman over there,” you looked in the direction she was pointing, “I believe they are each going to lick one of these things.”

               Laughing again, you nodded, “I’ll keep a close eye on them. It was an absolute pleasure, ma’am,” she gripped your hand tightly for a second before releasing.

               You sat back, glancing at those women laughing, “And dear,” you look back up to her, “Most people will be leaving to their beds or finding a pub, but you should stay. While the sun is setting – this place will give you the most magical sights.”

               She truly intrigued you, “Of course ma’am, thank you again.”

               “Enjoy your adventure lass,” she grinned once more, walking off down the path.

                 She was right, people started to trickle out. Husbands getting annoyed or bored, ladies feeling exhausted, or people just fearsome of loss of light – they just left group by group. You were left alone eventually, starring at the sun sinking into the horizon. She was right again, Scotland was magical with sights. You took a mental picture of this moment – the smooth silence, the color the sky made, and just being one with this experience. Your life was never slow, silent, or peaceful. You had always lived in the rush of things. But here, you sat taking in this moment. You felt like you could stay in this moment forever.

               The sun eventually went down and you were met with near darkness – which exception of the full moon. You collected your things and got ready to leave. And it dawned on you – you came all this way and have never even touched these rocks. The book aside, these rocks have had legends and tales for centuries. You should respect the stories and culture. With one touch, maybe you’ll feel the stories, tales, and people that touched it before you.

               It felt odd to reach out and touch the stone. It was cool and surprising smooth. You laughed at the thought of all the tongues that touched this exact spot. And with a single breathe, everything grew black and all the air punched out of you.

               Next thing you felt was the slam of the ground and your oxygen returning to your lungs. The sun from the tree burned your eyes. And you heard it, gun shots. You thought you were having another Post-Traumatic Stress attack, but the second bang brought you to reality. And you started to run, your bag still on your back, darting through the trees. You heard shouts, but you were not taking the chance. Being in the military, you didn’t stand still to figure it out.

               Someone gripped your arm as you ran past them, pointing a sword right in your face, “Are you for real,” I yell at them.  

He had a musket pointing directly in your face. You stopped breathing; he was dressed like a 18th century soldier. Thoughts sped in your mind, could this be a reenactment? Could this be a sick joke? The bullet sounds shook you out of your thoughts, the man was about to speak. You grabbed his musket, yanking it towards your body. The gun went off as his head smashed into yours. He groaned, tripping backwards, and smashing against a tree. The light from the headbutt blasted on in your head.

The light started to blind through, and the forest became vivid again. The sound of bullet fire caused you jump out of it and look at the man unconscious before you. You had to be dreaming, everything was so real. The sound, the smell, the world around you. Where and when were you exactly? You got drug out of your thoughts as a bullet graved your arm. You gasped in pain and your body took flight again. On the run again, you slide down an embankment, meeting eye to eye with another redcoat.

               You gasped, “Holy hell,” you whispered looking at the man, “Forgive me,” you said out loud, as the man watched you, straightening up. You saw his insignia, “Captain?”

               “Jonathan Randall, Esquire – Eighth Dragoon of your majesty’s army, mistress,” he answered.

               Something inside you reminisced, that name was familiar. Watching him closely, as he made his micromovements - he was also watching you, like some predator to prey, “I seem to be in the wrong time, wrong place,” you awkwardly laughed.

               “It does seem that,” he paused to see if you’d introduce yourself.

               “I had someone taking me to some distant family and they tried to attack and rob me,” you tried to play the damsel in distress, “My brother always told me I was too trusting.”

               “Yes mistress, women are naïve sheep,” he tiptoed towards you, his hand resting on his sword, “Your accent,” he nodded towards you. You slowly started taking steps back, “I’m unfamiliar with it.”

               He didn’t believe you, clearly you were off your game. Maybe it’s because the blast you took a few minutes ago getting you to this point. It could be the fact that this was surreal, “I’m grew up in the colonies,” you shrugged it off, you could only imagine how far away your accent was to actually existing, “But my brother sent me to our parent’s home country after their passing.”

               You forgot the first rule of lying, keep it short with no unneeded details. His uniform was familiar, the military and your brother trained you well. You had inclined the year and it was clear the woods of Scotland were not safe with the Redcoats. This man was an enemy, not a gentleman of the era you’ve heard and learned so much about. You had to get away, find safety, and figure out what exactly is going on.

               You knew self-defense, hell you were trained well at the art of combat, but this man had weapons and the only thing you had was a backpack and no adequate footwear for a run in the woods, “You don’t dress like a lady,” he motioned towards your clothes. You stop breathing at this, “In fact, only traitorous women wear clothes such as this,” your back was against the hill behind you. His breath was on you. He gripped your neck tightly, “There is only one way to deal with a woman like yourself,” he went for his buckle.

               Your brother drilled into you about protection during moments like this. He trained you on what to do, it was natural. Headbutt to the nose, hike up of the knee, a tool – in your case a rock – to the head. And soon you were breathing heavily and looking at the Captain unconscious on the ground.

               The sound of the Redcoats was not far off, “Druid,” you heard. You were surprised that someone could sneak so close and not make any noise. This Scottish looking fellow reached out his hands, “Come now,” he said. Your only instinct was to take it for now. This man pulled you behind a tree.

               “What year is it,” you whispered to him.

               “1743,” he mumbled, trying to shush me, taking the time to give you a questionable look.

               “Pinch me,” you were hoping this to be a dream. It was a final test of your predicament. He looked at you strangely before helping with your request. He did, and you felt it and suddenly everything went black.

PART 2

[requiem626k]

Hello my dear Req, I'm here again to ask for some classical music you could recommend me🤭 Usually I would ask for piano music, but I've been in the mood for one with a harp in it lately! And I know you're busy with school and all that so please take your time hehe. And take care🥰

Hello there, my dearest Kat ❤️! I’d be so delighted to recommend you more pieces, it makes my little heart so happy that you’re interested in them 🥺💕

I hope you’ll like my selection! I tried to include variety in terms of vibes, nationalities and eras this time (Austrian-Classical, Russian-Romantic and French-19th century), instead of sticking to a single man 🤭 I’ll try to keep it short and simple (no that’s a lie, I won’t be able to 😶)

And thank you so much for your consideration, things have been pretty busy for me indeed so I’m sorry for the extremely late post 😖 And I know that uni is soon starting for you, so likewise, please take your time to listen to the pieces <3

That being said, let’s start~

Mozart - Als Luise die Briefe ihres ungetreuen Liebhabers verbrannte

Of course, it wouldn’t be Req’s post if it didn’t start off with Mozart. This is a short lied like Das Veilchen (the one that I previously shared), the title is long haha and it means “As Luise Was Burning the Letters of Her Unfaithful Lover”. As you can guess from its name, this is really, REALLY dramatic. It’s in c minor, a tonality that Mozart doesn’t use so often (but when he does, oh boy, see his Great Mass in c minor 🤤) but which is perfect for its fierce mood. Also it’s fairly special for me because we used to sing this in our music theory classes haha, I would play the piano accompaniment while practicing with the classmates before every oral exam.

I truly adore this lied. The lyrics are once again taken from a poem, a poem of Gabriele von Baumberg, she apparently wrote it at a very young age (18 or so).

My heart melts at 00.34 omg, that soft “melancholie” and the silence that comes after 🥺… It’s truly one of those silences that make you agree with Mozart’s quote:

The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.

Then, it takes a cheerful turn (he just can’t refrain from putting happy sprinkles 🤭) until the strong chord at 00.49.

I think the section that starts at 01.00 is so worthy of being noted, I love love LOVE the suspense and tension that the piano accompaniment creates and that finishes with a strong build-up.

And the chord at 01.32… I leave my heart there. It just has me so soft. It’s so bittersweet, Mozart for some reason repeats the phrase “May smoulder long yet in my heart.” twice at the end and it’s just- 🥺

As always, he knows so well what word must be cited with what emotion, and chooses carefully his chords and functions. I just love it, and wanted to share since you had liked the previous lied 🤭

Rachmaninoff - Piano Concerto No. 2

*inhale* This one’s gonna be long, I can feel it.

I have literally SO MANY things to say about this one.

Rachmaninoff is a famous Russian composer that you might have heard of. He’s part of the Romantic Era which is, to simplify, about pouring your emotions and the turmoils in your life into your art and depicting feelings instead of trying to stick to certain rules and ‘holy’ virtues, of which we had already talked about a bit hehe.

And this piece… Oh my. You’ll see how different this concerto is compared to the Mozart ones we listened to previously. His second piano concerto corresponds to a depressive episode of his, due to his works not having a big success and being criticised so harshly. This beautiful piece is his comeback work, and you can just feel the inner conflicts, the emotional tornado he had at that period. With Mozart’s concertos, your soul is purified, they softly caress your insides and comfort you. But here, Rachmaninoff takes your emotions, and he proceeds to crush it. He plays with it, throws it, abuses it, you sob and sob and sob. At least I do 😭.

First movement

One can perfectly sense the dark pessimism in the first, silent, dangerous chord. As the 8 chords come one after another, every single one stronger than the previous, you’re on your toes and the tension increases until finally hearing the main theme through violins at 00.43. Listen to that theme very well. It’s so beautiful, so so moving, the piano section creates a fierce, dangerous background and I always get goosebumps when the violins come in.

Then, at 02.30, the second main theme is heard through the piano, pay attention to that! You will encounter it under various forms through the movement 🤭 It’s much softer compared to the first, ominous theme, it creates a beautiful contrast.

I want to note down the beautiful oboe-piano duet in 04.14 🥺. I adore oboes, it has a really beautiful and soft vibe, and here its melody is just so bittersweet when combined with the piano’s accompaniment. Then at 04.35, the piano starts playing a really soft phrase, the soft touch at that high note at 04.46, oh my God my heart. I have a feeling that you’ll adore that part 🥺 I want to note down literally every second omg

At 05.22, it turns once again really quiet and ominous, foreshadowing a big outburst through a build-up. The flutes play a big role in that aura through their short but dangerous phrases.

I especially adore the part at 06.17 in this pre-outburst section, it’s reminds me of a wave of emotions that keep hitting you and stepping back, only to strike even harder afterwards. The flutes in the background reinforce this vibe. The tension gets higher and higher at 06.36 (omg I’ll faint I love this part, I’m trembling while listening to it and trying to write this at the same time, I can’t keep up with my thoughts aaa) through the constant mutual escalation of both the piano and the orchestra. THE BEAUTY OF THE BUILD-UP PLEASE I WILL LOSE MY MIND.

And all this preparation was for the beautifully passionate part at 07.02. Rachmaninoff notes down “Alla Marcia”, meaning it should be played like a march, and its rhythmic features most certainly have that vibe. It’s just so majestic, so pompous, so raw, I love love LOVE it. It’s almost like you’re swooning in euphoria after having an emotional build-up and breakdown, it’s just- it’s something else that I can’t even describe. I just don’t have the right words for it.

I know that the piano’s melody is so alluring and enchanting there, but maybe in a second listen, I’ll want you to pay attention to the violin part during the march section 👀 Can you hear the very first theme that was introduced at the very beginning of the movement? Rachmaninoff was a total genius to put it in the background and make it fit so well. I always hesitate between paying attention to violins or piano, I end up rewinding it every single time 😖 It’s soo good.

After the euphoric section, the second theme comes again. A thing that’s worth noting down is the flute’s beautiful addition at 07.53, it’s in the background but it just makes my heart melt. I also always get goosebumps at the few ominous, sinister seconds that starts at 09.17 😳

Then it goes pretty quietly until the ending hehe, like a calmness after storm 😌 This piece is a total emotional rollercoaster, I swear. At 11.01, I love the playfulness of the piano section, it’s just so mischievous like a little naughty kitten. Then it picks up the pace, and ends with three strong beats.

Ugh. 🦋🦋🦋

Second movement

(meme credit goes to @/pianoomemes on Instagram)

This meme says it all. I don’t even need to add anything else. As you know by now, the second movements are meant to create a sharp contrast with the first one’s mood, and 🥺😭.

The main melody… It has my heart. The movement starts with a soft piano-flute introduction, and the ethereal main theme is heard at 12.56 through an oboe.

I don’t really any other commentary to do on this heavenly movement. Just let yourself in its embrace without any technical/guiding worries <3

(Though I feel obliged to add that the part that truly has me in this movement is 22.17 🥺. It’s just so moving and sweet ahh, it just takes you away, it almost has a sentiment of longing I feel, I always have a drop of tear forming in my eyes at that part.)

Third movement

The third movement is a usual, playful, jokester movement hehe. It’s a general pattern for final movements as you might have noticed, even though this one’s not written under a Rondo form. It’s rare that I say this, but I feel like this final movement is as charming as the second one for me 🤭 (No movement surpasses the first movement though, personally of course~)

The theme that starts at 25.51 through violins is so so charismatic, it almost always flusters me 😳✨.

Then he naughtily plays around with themes, modulations and instruments haha, I’ll leave the commentary at that and leave you once again alone with the movement itself 😌

(The majestic comeback of the charismatic theme at 34.09 though 😳! I’m *this* close to thirsting over a theme omg it’s MESMERISING I want to cry.)

Fauré - Cantique de Jean Racine, Op. 11

And finally, to fulfil your wish 💕, here’s a piece from Fauré where you can hear one of the most beautiful usages of harp in a work, in my opinion.

Even though it’s a religious work, its lyrics are in French. Fauré is a French composer from late 19th century, and even though he’s not that well-known among the media he’s a really unique composer that we can’t even classify in a certain movement. He’s from the same era as the French Impressionists such as Debussy or Ravel, but his style is much more different than theirs. He even has his own unique chord chain etc. that we use the term “fauréen” in harmony classes. But anyways, onto the piece 🤭

I really have no proper words to describe how heavenly, ethereal, poetic, incredible, awe-inspiring and soft this piece is. Like oh my God. I feel my heart melting into a puddle and tear up every time I listen to it. I just can’t bring myself to believe that he was only 19 when he composed this for a competition, if my memory doesn’t deceive me.

The beginning with the orchestra and harp is making a truly beautiful beginning, and the first moment that I want to talk about is 01.09, it always gives me goosebumps when the sopranos come in on the background that the basses and tenors had created.

At 02.00, there’s a soft oboe that comes in for a few seconds and only plays four notes, do you hear it? Those four notes can have my heart 🥺. It’s so beautiful omg. It’s crazy how the littlest touch could make such big of a difference. He could’ve easily not put it there, but he did and that’s what makes a good composer.

The “que tout l’enfer” at 02.24 is so fierce, so mad, “enfer” means “hell” and Fauré really accentuated its meaning, I love it.

And when the piece comes to the ending, at 04.14, a soft flute plays the beginning of the main theme for the first time I believe, which is a really enchanting change for the ear.

And the ending is just so, so soft like the whole piece, I truly can’t. The main melody is just so beautiful, and he truly did an impeccable job with mixing all the voices, the orchestra and the beautiful harp together. I just turn into a soft, soft bubble made out of cotton every time I listen to this.

~

Ahh this was a long ride, I truly hope you enjoyed the pieces, my beloved! I wasn’t sure which style or composers you would like the most, I guess we’ll try and see 😳❤️

Just for the sake of archiving them, I’ll also add the links of the beautiful pieces we discussed on Discord.

Fauré - Barcarolle no. 1 (Fauré brainrot is strong with me nowadays haha)

Mendelssohn - Etude no. 1 op. 104b (I feel like you’d love his A Midsummer Night’s Dream overture ngl, because Shakespeare 😳 I didn’t add it here though since it doesn’t contain piano or harp)

[dunsbar]

do you see no further than this façade?

Word Count: approx. 2500

Notes: Happy Holidays, Jany (@hehimbo)! I was your @ambitionsource Secret Santa and it was such an honour! Please accept this short and sweet little canon divergent fic about AAA’s most ridiculous couple. I don’t know you as well as I’d like to, but I hope I wrote something that you’ll enjoy.

Summary: Riley finds a silver lining in her broken locker when someone starts leaving her thoughtful gifts. Secret admirer trope, canon divergent during Season 1.

—

The first time it happens, she doesn’t even realize it’s started.

Riley’s locker is not a place she usually lingers. It’s loved, yes, filled with photos— her and the techie crew, the cast photo for this year’s musical, a clumsy shot of her and Zay voguing. One of her and Isadora, the other girl staring dead into the camera, unamused, while Riley flashes her biggest grin.

Yet, it’s purpose is still mainly functional. Or it was functional, because unfortunately for Riley, two days ago she realized her locker was broken.

She’d been fumbling with it, the bell ringing loudly as students rushed past, singing, chattering, stomping through the hall. She was jostled a couple times, which is always annoying considering how small the student body is here— yet there are still people who find the space (or lack of) to bump into her. Her fingernails smacked painfully against the cold metal of the lock.

Finally, with the bell petering out, Riley just… made the decision to deal with it later. Nothing of monetary value in her locker, aside from the photo of Zay which will be worth hundreds when he inevitably makes it big.

Timing seems to have aligned itself with her enemies, seeing that in her next class, Angela informs the students that there is currently a stomach virus circling the sacred halls of AAA. It’s something Riley should have seen coming, as it’s winter, and Clarissa and Jeff were both noticeably absent that morning. Riley, not new to the concept of virus outbreaks in the school system calculates this in her head— Janitor Harley is going to be busy wiping up puke for… well, probably at least a week and a half. What’s the point of bothering the poor man about a broken locker storing nothing of value while he singlehandedly cleans up after stomach flu?

No, Riley thinks to herself. I’ll just wait it out.

Back in the present, Riley smooths out the corner of her picture with the techies and tucks away her copy of Leaves of Grass (her choice reading for an English project, and actually likes it) on the shelf up top, before pausing and putting it back into her bag, with the idea to read it at lunch— none of the techies mind if she doesn’t talk at the table, and she could probably get into a good discussion on it with Isadora. She makes a mental note to ask Charlie if he’s read it— he’s an English genius, and his insights are always thoughtful and well-detailed.

It’s only when she’s got one hand on the door, about to close the locker, that she notices a flash of violet, out of focus. Glancing over, she sees a purple pen, tucked into the vents by the clip. It’s simple, not fancy or even particularly good quality. But it’s… purple. Her favourite color.

Riley has never seen this particular pen before. She thinks. Well, she’s sort of sure. When your school’s primary dedication is to performing arts, you tend to not need as many “normal” school supplies as “normal” schools, so Riley has a pretty good idea of her catalogue of writing utensils. Still, she could be wrong. It’s not exactly like her pens take high priority in her mind. But this one is… nice.

Pocketing it with a beam, she decides to chalk this one up to fate.

Performance lab has just begun when Riley scurries into the auditorium, Angela pointedly raising an eyebrow from her spot on stage but thankfully saying nothing. Riley opts to sit with the techies— less attention drawn to herself. It’s kind of a moot point considering she caught the twin eyebrow raises Maya and Farkle turned around in their seats to send her, but she slides into a seat beside Isadora, Dylan and Asher on Isa’s other side. Normally Lucas would be there, but a glance around tells her he seems to have skipped out on the afternoon. She can’t stop herself from feeling a twinge of disappointment.

—

It’s the second day when she realizes that the pen was probably not a gift from fate.

Riley is just dropping off her coat and boots that morning, a quick stop before first bell to tuck her wet boots on the crimson metal of her locker floor. There’s a couple wet floor signs down the hall several feet, and Riley winces. According to the grumpy text she got from Isadora that morning, Dylan caught the bug last night. This means Asher’ll likely get it too, and the techies will be seriously understaffed, especially with Jeff gone.

Riley hopes briefly, selfishly, that it’ll mean no more skip days for Lucas.

Glancing up at the top shelf, Riley does a double take.

Glancing up at the top shelf, Riley does a double take.

A white paper bag is perched delicately up there, the bag instantly recognizable as the kind that her favourite bakery uses. She grabs it down, pries it open, and her jaw drops.

It’s her favourite kind of pastry. It smells heavenly, and it’s not exactly still warm but that doesn’t matter, what matters is that someone knew about Riley’s tastes in pastry and went all the way to her favourite bakery to get her one.

She knows she’s prone to gushing about (and recommending) the bakery, but she can only really remember mentioning it one time recently— oh. Oh.

Oh no.

—

Riley picks her way nervously through the cafeteria, echoes of the lunch bell still ringing in her ears. She prays to… something… that Zay is sitting alone.

He is, his lunch in front of him, tapping his fingers on the smooth tabletop. Riley sends a grateful thank you to this ambiguous higher power.

“Zay,” she greets him, her question tumbling out before any common courtesies can be exchanged. “Can I get your advice?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” he says, raising an eyebrow inquisitively as Riley plops down next to him. “With what?”

Riley chews her lip, pulling an orange out of her lunch bag so she can do something with her hands. “Someone’s leaving me gifts in my locker.”

Zay blinks. “Like… a secret admirer thing?”

“Um.” Riley pauses. “I didn’t really think about it like that, I mean. Maybe?”

“What did they leave you?” Zay asks, in between bites of salad.

“A pen— my favourite color. And my favourite kind of pastry. It’s from this place in Greenwich.”

Zay looks at her. “Riley,” he deadpans, “That’s a secret admirer.”

“Fine,” Riley admits. “Maybe it’s a secret admirer.”

Riley is immensely grateful for Zay Babineaux when he does not laugh at her. Still, the reason why she came to talk to him hangs over her head, and she starts chewing on her lip again.

“What is it?”

“Okay, it’s just,” Riley says. “The last person I remember mentioning the bakery to was Charlie.”

Zay starts coughing through a mouthful of chewed greens.

Riley quickly places a hand on his arm, but he waves her off, even as his eyes water. Once his throat is clearer, he takes a long gulp from her water bottle. She lets him.

“Charlie,” Zay says. “Gardner.”

“Yes,” Riley says, wincing. It kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?— Charlie was kind of flirty earlier in the year, there was that weird comment about the idea of them not being “the worst thing in the world”, oh, it’s all falling into place and Riley’s inner monologue is starting to derail. If it is Charlie, she—

“Are you sure it’s Charlie?” Zay asks, his eyes flicking to somewhere on the other side of the cafeteria.

Riley shakes her head. “Just a…suspicion. He’s a suspect. I suspect him.”

Zay’s mouth twitches. “So. What are you asking me for?”

“Well, you’re better friends with him than I am,” Riley says. “You’re always hanging out in class. And I’m not brave enough to ask Haley if Charlie likes me. That’s a storm I can’t weather.”

That gets a laugh out of Zay, but the look in his eyes is almost wistful. He shakes his head, smiling, all Babineaux charm. “So you want my opinion?”

“I want— Would… would you maybe ask—”

“No,” Zay says emphatically, pointing a finger at her. “No, I am not asking Charlie if he likes you. Do it yourself.”

I have before, Riley thinks. But she just sighs in defeat as Zay mumbles ‘white nonsense’, and finally sets about unwrapping her sandwich.

—

The third gift is a new copy of Leaves of Grass— not a school copy. Her own edition.

She really needs to talk to Charlie.

—

She catches him at the end of the day, out of the dressing rooms and in the middle of the main aisle of the auditorium.

“Charlie, um,” Riley says, and he slows to a stop, turning to face her. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he replies, adjusting the strap of his dance bag on his shoulder. Someone’s bumps Riley’s back with an elbow as they walk past— probably Sarah. “What is it?”

“No, not here,” Riley says quickly. “Somewhere more private?”

Charlie’s eyes widen, almost imperceptibly. “Uh, I… um…”

Riley’s stomach sinks like a stone. Oh God, it is Charlie, she thinks, disappointment washing over her like the sea weathering a stone. She hadn’t— well, she’d allowed herself just the slightest hope… of hunched shoulders, sandy hair…

“Please,” she says. “Just one minute.” She catches his arm, gentle. Charlie won’t meet her eyes, but he nods.

Lucas stomps past in his big black boots. Riley turns her head instinctively to offer a smile, but he doesn’t even glance at her. She sighs, turning back to Charlie.

By the time they step into the empty classroom, Charlie seems close to hyperventilating. Riley feels so, so bad for what she’s about to do, but considering she’s already shut him down once this year, it seems like she has to really get him to take the hint. Gently.

“Charlie,” she begins, while he stares at the floor, “I just… I figured it out, okay? And... I don’t know what to say.”

Seemingly, neither does Charlie, because he continues to stare down at his feet in silence. He almost folds in on himself, as if he’s willing himself to not be seen. Riley plows on.

“Well, okay. So, thank you. For everything. The book and the pastry and the—”

Charlie looks up, lightning fast. His brow is furrowed in confusion. “What?”

Riley blinks. “The secret admirer thing.”

“What secret admirer thing?” He sounds genuinely bewildered.

This is not how Riley pictured this going.

“The gifts in my locker,” she says, carefully. “I thought maybe it was you.”

Charlie’s whole shoulders slump, like his body is exhaling. When he speaks, he sounds relieved and honest. “It wasn’t me, I promise.” There’s a tentative, awkward pause. “Um. Sorry?”

Riley laughs, feeling as relieved as he sounds. “No, no, I’m so glad it wasn’t you. I mean— no offense! You know I think you’re great. But just… not like that. So it’s... I’m glad.”

Charlie smiles too, and it looks so earnest. “So we’re good?”

Riley nods, feeling ten pounds lighter. “Yeah. We’re good.”

—

The dam breaks on day four.

Riley is speed-walking through the halls, almost late. The bell will ring literally any minute from now, but damned if she’s going to track city slush all over the auditorium’s nice flooring. With any luck, she’ll have just enough time to shove them in her locker and bolt for the auditorium. Riley rounds the corner.

Her feet and her heart stop in their tracks.

There, down the hall, unmistakably stands Lucas James Friar, attempting to hurriedly slip something in her locker.

Lucas.

Lucas.

Lucas closes her locker, and before she can do anything, turns in her direction.

Their eyes lock.

Lucas looks as frozen as Riley feels, an electric current between their stares. In that moment, as other students brush past her, she’s suspended in time, the only sound her heartbeat, thumping loudly in her ears. Neither of them can move. She’s pretty sure neither of them can breathe.

And then Lucas turns and takes off down the hall, disappearing in the crowd.

Riley takes a deep breath, feeling the air shake as it leaves her mouth. Go after him. Go after him. Go—

The bell rings.

—

Riley finds him the next morning, hanging— hiding?— in the booth. Lucas rather spectacularly managed to avoid her the rest of the day, by virtue of skipping again.

With Dylan and, yes, now Asher, off sick, Riley didn’t have a way to get a hold of Lucas. She had asked Isadora, faux-casual, but Isa had just shrugged and gone back to storyboarding her latest idea.

“Lucas James Friar,” Riley says now, determinedly. “I just want to talk. And honestly, I think you owe me that much.”

Lucas is quiet for a long moment. Then he nods, once, jerkily. He won’t meet her eyes.

“How did you know about the pastry?” she asks, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, feeling suddenly shy.

Lucas pushes the toe of his boot into the ground. “Overheard you telling Charlie about it. I, um, I saw that your locker was broken that morning, too. I just wanted to—”

He cuts himself off. Riley waits patiently.

“Fuck,” Lucas hisses. “You— you weren’t supposed to find out it was me. I didn’t want… to be weird. I just wanted you to have… you weren’t supposed to find out it was me.”

Riley’s chest is fluttering. She coughs, trying to dispel the tension in the air. “Well,” she says, “I’m glad I did.”

Lucas looks up sharply, finally meeting her eyes. It’s a soft jolt of electricity— down her spine, in her fingertips. They’re a lot closer then she realized. Less than a foot of space between their chests— between their mouths.

“Can I kiss you?” she murmurs. Lucas blinks, like his brain is catching up with his ears, and splutters, taking an instinctive step back. His legs bump the booth’s equipment.

A rush of regret courses through her. “Sorry! I just…” she trails off. Not really any possible excuses to save her on that one— she made her intentions pretty clear.

“No, no—” Lucas blurts out. He kicks at the dirt with the toes of one scuffed boot, like he’s regaining his cool. “I mean. Um. Yeah. You can.”

Riley beams, and Lucas looks kind of dazed again, all of a sudden, and she tentatively leans in, feels his hands take hers, links their fingers together, and catches his mouth in a sweet, gentle kiss.

It’s really nice. Tentative— she’s pretty sure Lucas doesn’t exactly have any experience with this, and Riley’s own experience is limited to close-mouthed spin-the-bottle in middle school. But it’s nice.

When they break away, they don’t let go of each other’s hands. She can’t help but smile even wider.

“Hey,” she whispers. “Thanks for the pen.”

[ambitionsource]

AMBITION Season 1 ♫ “First Impressions (Pilot)” REVAMPED [ 1.01 ]

CREATED BY Esther (rapunzles) & Maggie (quincywillows)

When we first wrote the pilot, we were just throwing it out there, seeing what would happen. It was a first draft. Our own new start. It’s been a long time since then.

And oh, how much has happened. So many awesome things.

This, I hope, is closer to the pilot AAA always deserved. Thanks for reading, and for whatever awesome things come next.

50 Minutes (10K words) || No warnings apply. || [ S1 Synopsis ] || [ AO3 ]

( Follow along with the music on Spotify here! )

EXT. AAA - DAY

Regal. That’s the impression this institution gives off at first glance, a Smithsonian-esque exterior standing out amidst the grey concrete jungle of Manhattan. A wide shot provides a picturesque view of the structure from above, when slowly a title card appears on the screen:

Adams Academy of the Arts.

In a fluid motion, the words dissolve and condense together, leaving only a logo of three As in red, gold, and white.

AAA.

By now, it’s pretty clear we’re watching an advert of some kind. Especially when we transition…

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

… to the principal’s office. JACKSON “JACK” HUNTER (40s), a sharply dressed and calmly confident man, is seated at the mahogany desk with his hands clasped together in front of him. He offers the camera a pleasant smile, addressing us directly.

Jack: Hi. I’m Jack Hunter, the principal of Adams Academy of the Arts. If you’re watching this video, then it’s likely you’re considering applying to our elite program for high school students. Well, either that, or you’re very lost.

Administrator humor. Jack chuckles, pauses, and continues in his professional tone.

Jack: If it’s the former, then I’m happy to be of assistance. Adams is at the forefront of performing arts education, and many of our alumni have gone on to do amazing things -- some of whom you might even recognize. While we strongly emphasize the important balance of academics with your professional goals, there is nothing more paramount than providing you, an artist on the rise, with the space to explore your potential, build your skills, and put you on the path towards success.

As Jack continues to discuss, quick panning shots of the interior of the school set the scene. It’s very clearly a promotional video, the tone upbeat and inspiring. Jack describes the facilities they have (two whole auditoriums, state of the art technical equipment, numerous practice rooms and studios), as well as the different core focuses a student can pursue -- music, performance, dance. He emphasizes their technical education program, one of the leading curriculums in the state that provides their budding technicians with hands-on experience right from the get-go.

When we cut back to Jack, still pleasantly seated behind the desk, he begins to get into what the day-to-day process of a student is like, and how this crop of students is chosen.

Jack: Every year, just about 50 students -- split into two cohorts, allowing for even more individualized instruction -- enter the halls of AAA as the freshman class. These incoming artists have talent, dedication, discipline, and above all? Ambition. These students, like you, seek out the opportunities to achieve whatever their driving passion might be -- whatever it takes. While here, they’ll hone their craft, explore the other realms of their field, learn from one another as well as highly skilled educators, and form bonds that they will carry with them for life.

All sounds swell. Jack smiles wider.

Jack: As for what this experience is like, well -- how about I let them show you?

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

This launches a quick-cut, exciting montage of what the world of Adams seems to be like. It’s full of photos, clips, and candids of the students hard at work. Performers learning choreography, soloists in the midst of a final performance, stage lights bright. Technicians piecing together sets, stage managers with headsets around their neck and thoughtful expressions, coaches and teachers lecturing to an engaged group in the black box theater.

Above all, there is a clear sense of community. All of the students are thrilled to be there, working hard, laughing and smiling with one another. While the slideshow is mainly filled with upperclassmen, there are a few faces here and there that will soon become quite familiar to us.

Sure seems like a dream high school experience, particularly for someone interested in the arts. Especially for someone who feels like an outsider, a creative, looking for a place to belong.

Jack, voiceover: The competition is fierce, and the process isn’t easy. It’s work, hard work, but any passion worth pursuing takes a little faith and a whole lot of elbow grease. The best of the best make their way to Adams, and without a doubt, the best emerge from it ready to take on the world.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

The video is wrapping up, Jack looking as confident as ever. He’s just shown us a pretty gleaming example of a school, and he looks pretty stalwart and shining himself.

Jack: The question is, where do the best of the best come from? Who has what it takes to join our elite and excellent rank of future artists? [ a beat ] Do you?

As the upbeat tones of David Bowie fade in...

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - RILEY’S BEDROOM - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Changes” as performed by David Bowie and Butterfly Boucher || Performed by Riley Matthews & Jack Hunter

An alarm goes off, a hand reaching out and hitting it off immediately. RILEY MATTHEWS (15) lays in bed, already awake and staring at the ceiling. From how anxious she looks, it seems like she hasn’t slept much at all. But then, she smiles, forcing herself to focus on the excitement.

This is going to be the day everything changes for the better. She launches out of bed, hitting play on her phone. Underneath the track, playing “Changes,” we see a reminder on her homescreen. It’s bright over a photo of her and her younger brother, neither parent featured.

First day of new school!!

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY

As Riley gets ready for school, she sings along to the first verse. She braids her hair, puts on her nicest, most distinct outfit, before running out the door.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - DAY

She says goodbye to her mother TOPANGA LAWRENCE (late 30s), kisses her younger brother AUGGIE MATTHEWS (8) on the top of the head. When she reaches her father waiting at the door, CORY MATTHEWS (late 30s), the two of them exchange excited grins before heading out the door together.

EXT. AAA - DAY

The two of them emerge from the nearest subway stop, and Riley gets her first good look at Adams Academy for the Arts. It’s a beautiful and daunting marble building nestled in the middle of the Upper East Side. Visualize the MET, but with the flourish and slight humble nature of a high school (although humble is not a word one would use to describe this school). It’s even more impressive in person, looming over her, than as shown in the opening video.

Cory is already on his way up the steps, but Riley hangs back, staring up at the building in awe. Somewhat overwhelmed. Students pass her by on their way inside, many far better dressed. This is a school where much of the student population is probably worth more than the school itself.

This is it. Her opportunity. Does she have what it takes?

Gearing herself up, Riley jogs her way up the steps after her father. Panning towards the school, through the atrium and across the main offices…

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Meanwhile, Jack Hunter is in his office preparing for her arrival. He’s still well-groomed, clearly an instrument of discipline and order, but he seems more harried than he did on camera. Reality versus the polished quality of promotional material.

Jack wanders his way over to the window, looking out at the students making their way into school. He carries the second verse, lamenting how things never change and students are… not so willing to listen to reason (“They’re immune to your consultations / They’re quite aware what they’re going through…”)

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

As Jack heads out of his office to walk the halls before the school day truly kicks off, Riley is making her way through them as well. This is our first glimpse into the hallowed halls of Adams, as well as the cast of large personalities we’re about to spend a series with…

Riley has to duck around ZAY BABINEAUX (15), a lithe and groovy dance student with a clear sense of self and an even clearer sense of style. He’s rehearsing with other dancers in the middle of the hallway. Nearby, CHARLIE GARDNER (15) is holding court with a lot of the girls in the class, seemingly the preferred cute male of choice at AAA. He’s the full package -- fluffy hair, pressed polo shirt, charming grin.

As Riley passes him, he eyes her and gives her a smile. Friendly, or flirtatious? Who’s to say…

For Jack, it’s evident as he walks the halls just how incongruous he is with the scenery. He’s passionate about AAA, sure, but his straight-laced and stern approach contrasts sharply with the energy, colorfulness, and folly of the students themselves. His presence is enough to pry two kissing classmates away from one another, and he earns more than a few derisive glares from students as he goes.

MAYA HART (16) is parading the halls with her clones DARBY WINTERS (15) and SARAH CARLSON (15), rambling on about some performance-related complaint. Maya is a girl with a brand -- she is the most glamorous girl Riley has ever seen, from the glossy blonde hair to the perfectly put together outfit that looks entirely made of brand-name items. They don’t even notice Riley, practically bulldozing past her without an apology.

A gangly student is arguing animatedly with ANGELA MOORE (30s), the performing arts teacher for the sophomores, outside the black box theater classroom. Angela was featured in the promotional video, but she seems way less confident now trying to tangle with this overzealous student. This is FARKLE MINKUS (15), Jewish American diva. He’s immediately identifiable as over-the-top, both with the way he’s arguing with a teacher and his swoopy hair and blazer. Like, this kid is wearing a blazer to school.

We can tell right away that Mister Farkle Minkus is going to be a PIECE. OF. WORK. Riley can too, raising her eyebrows as she passes by their disagreement.

Jack passes by Zay and his crop of dancing students, disbanding them as dancing is not allowed in the halls. Come on, they know this! The group of them don’t look very pleased, Zay tossing a scowl over his shoulder as they retreat to their respective homerooms.

INT. AAA - ATRIUM - DAY

As we get to “Strange fascination fascinating me…” Riley passes by the atrium stairwell, where the sophomore techies always congregate each morning. They’re all in dark clothes (because that’s how techies dress, but so do GOTHS???), and seem like a chaotic bunch. DAVE WILLIAMS (15) and ASHER GARCIA (14) are lobbing food at DYLAN ORLANDO (15) to see what he can catch in his mouth. NATE MARTINEZ (15) and JEFF MONROE (15) are arguing heatedly about something, but it’s impossible to tell if they’re actually upset or not. JADE BEAMON (15) is sketching in a notebook, occasionally looking up to roll her eyes at the argument.

Holding first position at the bottom of the stairs are LUCAS JAMES FRIAR (16) and ISADORA DE LA CRUZ (15), deep in conversation. Well, conversation meaning Isadora is ranting, and Lucas isn’t saying much of anything. They’re both the most intimidating of the bunch even from a glance -- Isadora due to her intense wardrobe and general aura of authority, Lucas due to his seemingly permanent disdainful expression… and maybe the fact that he is openly playing with a switchblade.

Of course, they both look up to find Riles staring at them. She makes eye contact with Lucas before quickly turning away. I mean, they’ve got a switchblade. Scary! She YEETS outta there.

Just in time to make it back to the front office, where she steps inside just as Jack steps out of his office. He offers her a smile.

Jack: Hi, Miss Matthews. Welcome to Adams Academy of the Arts.

Taking a deep breath, she returns his smile. Welcome to Adams, indeed. And, for the first time…

AMBITION. Cue title sequence.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Jack walks Riley through everything she might need to know, explaining her daily schedule and handing over welcome materials. As they’re conversing, ERIC MATTHEWS (40s) steps in as acting counselor to also give a welcome to Riley -- but it’s clear that they already know each other. She’s his niece!

As they exchange friendly banter, Jack doesn’t seem at all surprised. He makes a comment about how the Matthews family really does have a foothold in Adams, given that Riley’s father is also one of their core academic teachers. Eric doesn’t take well to Jack’s tone, cheerfully firing back a remark.

Eric: Well, I suppose Triple A has always been about family. That’s why you hired Shawn, right? Top of the line, highly skilled educators…

It’s clear that there’s some tension behind their words, at least that it seems like Jack and Eric are rarely on the same page. Riley picks up on this right quick, awkwardly looking down at her welcome materials. Jack changes the subject, suggesting that Riley head off to performance lab before they get any further derailed. After all, Eric does just love to meander time away...

Eric smiles, but it’s sharp. Rather than returning a backhanded jab, he offers to show Riley to her first class. As they’re heading out, Jack assures Riley that he’s certain she’ll find what she’s looking for at Adams.

She certainly hopes so, Jack. And away they go...

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Riley enters the auditorium, where a majority of the classes will be held. Many of the students in the sophomore A class cohort are already assembled in the first few rows of the audience, eagerly conversing with one another and catching up from the end of summer. The techies are situated further back, with their feet up on the backs of chairs and hardly paying attention.

Already, Riley is feeling the struggle of finding a place to fit. She plops herself alone in a row somewhere between the chatty performers and brooding techies, isolated from day one. Hooray.

From behind her, Dave turns around to whisper something to Dylan and Asher about her sitting alone. Lucas is also watching her, somewhat amused at how uncertain she seems about the whole situation.

Angela saunters to the front of the stage, snapping them to attention and welcoming them back for another year. She gives a rousing speech about how this year is going to be more intense than the first, but also full of self-discovery, pushing our comfort zones, and more than anything, becoming better artists. Maya, Zay, and Farkle all listen with rapt interest. Isadora rolls her eyes.

Just as she’s reaching the climactic conclusion of her monologue, she’s interrupted by SHAWN HUNTER (30s), stumbling in ten minutes late to his own class. He’s unshaven, clearly a bit of a mess, and dressed far less impressively than Angela or a majority of their students. Riley raises her eyebrows, obviously confused by his presence.

Angela: [ with biting sarcasm ] And there he is. My wonderful co-instructor, right on time.

At this, Riley’s eyebrows shoot up. Co-instructor? That guy? The rest of the performers seem equally unimpressed, a few rolling their eyes or exchanging grimaces. The techies are amused, grinning as their lead technician fumbles to the stage.

Angela: Anything you care to share with the class before we kick off our second year, Mister Hunter? Any sudden stroke of wisdom? Or basic decency?

Shawn jogs up, coming to an out of breath stand-still next to her. Side by side, the contrast between them is even more pronounced. He shrugs, half-smirking.

Shawn: Sing some stuff?

In mocking solidarity, the techies erupt into cheers. Dave and Dylan give him a standing ovation. The performers look annoyed. Farkle turns around to glare at them.

Riley is taking all of this with marked confusion. Shawn takes a sarcastic bow.

Angela, sharply: Classy as always.

For their first performing assignment of the year, Angela encourages all of them to come up and sing whatever they’ve been working on this past summer. Innocent enough. When she asks who wants to go first, however, the front of the auditorium erupts as Zay, Maya, and Farkle all leap to their feet and scrap to get to the stage first. Riley is like… what on Earth.

Farkle succeeds, yanking Zay out of the way and scrambling onto the front of the stage (they didn’t even take the fucking stairs). The clear victor, Farkle jumps back to his full height triumphantly as Maya and Zay begrudgingly return to their seats.

Farkle begins a little monologue as he adjusts his blazer, establishing his personality loud and clear. As far as he’s concerned, this year is going to be about change, and the change is going to be him taking his rightful place as the undisputed Star of the Sophomores. Maya and Zay clearly don’t agree with this assessment, so there’s already guaranteed to be drama. Lovely…

Thusly, Farkle launches into his first performance of the year (and the series).

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Man About Town” as performed by Young Frankenstein Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Farkle Minkus

Farkle kicks us off with a bold and frenzied rendition of the Broadway tune. As with many of the performances in this pilot, the solos serve to establish a baseline for each of the characters and their inherent capabilities, style, and tone. Farkle is a power tenor without a doubt, able to reach pretty high in his register and even higher in energetic delivery.

The electricity in his performance is less intrinsic and more frantic, though, indicative of a craving for the spotlight and a scrappy determined nature to maintain it at whatever cost. It demonstrates his undeniable vocal skill, for sure, but also his capacity to be obnoxious. The song seems to speak to what Farkle is hoping will be his truth -- that everyone will take notice of him, pay attention to him, that he’ll rise to the stars like he feels he’s been destined.

Riley is stunned by the amount of talent already on display. If she wants to prove that she’s here by her own merit and talent rather than just because her father works here, then she is going to have to bring it.

INT. AAA - GIRLS DRESSING ROOM - DAY

Maya and her clones hang out in the girls dressing room, getting ready for the rest of performance lab. Sarah points out that Farkle has gotten better over the summer; Darby mentions he’s gotten cuter, too.

Sarah, in disgust: Minkus? You’re joking.

Darby: Come on. He’s sort of cute!

Maya: Sure. Like a hedgehog with a deadly case of rabies.

Darby: He got taller. He looks sharper now, more mature.

Sarah: He looks like Mike Teavee in Willy Wonka after he got put through the taffy puller.

Darby: No he doesn’t!

Sarah: God, you fall for anything with testosterone and half a working vocal chord…

Quickly losing interest in discussing boys -- especially Farkle Minkus -- Maya waves off their concern about his talent. She claims she’s going to blow him out of the water, and this year is far from belonging to him.

The rivalry is loud and clear.

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

Riley comes by to visit Eric, who eagerly greets her and situates her in the chair opposite his desk. It’s a cozy, comfortable office, far less clinical, but also less organized, than Jack’s. It’s evident why many students feel comfortable stopping in when they have a free moment. Eric jokingly points out this is their first official visit as counselor and student, before he asks her how the morning went and how she’s feeling about the school.

Riley avoids her own discomfort and feelings of disillusionment by asking Eric to tell her more about the other students instead. How is she supposed to catch up to the scenery and feel like she’s in the loop if everyone feels like a mystery? Eric agrees, trying to figure out the best way to go about explaining it to her.

Eric: Kind of feels like having to explain the history of the universe. There’s a lot of personality in the A class, you’ll find.

Riley: Oh, I got that sense pretty quickly.

An idea strikes Eric, expression brightening. He grabs his yearbook from the previous school year off the shelf behind him. As he plops it down onto the desk, he instructs Riley to pay close attention, because there is a lot to unpack.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “High School Never Ends” as performed by Bowling for Soup || Instrumental

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

As Eric talks Riley through each of the main players, we watch a typical sophomore class unfold in the auditorium. It’s pure chaos, a whirlwind of production and performers getting in the way of techies and people butting heads.

We cut between this simulated auditorium sequence and Riley and Eric talking in the office, falling into a rhythm with the classic bopping rock tune. As Eric jumps to each key student, we freeze on them in the midst of whatever they’re doing at the time.

Starting, notably, with Zay Babineaux, the dancer from the halls. The screen freeze frames on him in the midst of trying to teach choreography to a frazzled NICK YOGI (15) and CLARISSA CRUZ (15).

Eric: Zay Babineaux isn’t a bad person to keep tabs on as far as getting your sea legs around here. He was voted “Most Popular” in the yearbook last year, but the only thing he cares about more than his public approval rating is dance. I mean, the kid is religious about it. It’s part of the reason he’s so good, but that and his drive to make it are what bump him up to Diva status.

Riley: Diva status.

Eric: It’s a whole league of its own here. Everyone is driven to a certain degree -- you have to be at Triple A -- but the Divas are the ones you really need to watch out for. Zay is far from the worst of the bunch, but his dedication really puts a sharp edge on his otherwise personable presence.

The scene resumes, panning from Yogi and Clarissa struggling to learn to Charlie leading the same choreography with a gaggle of female classmates. This includes HALEY FISHER (15), who seems especially taken with him.

Charlie demonstrates much better patience than Zay in teaching others, but the girls aren’t really listening to what he’s saying. They’re more distracted by… other things he has to offer.

Eric: If you’re stuck on choreography and actually want help, then your best bet is to turn to Charlie Gardner instead. He’s incredibly well-mannered, genuinely nice kid, but I’m sure your dad would want me to warn you he does have a reputation with the ladies.

Riley: Does he date a lot of them?

Eric: To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him date anyone. But every girl wishes he would, so that’s kind of a heartbreaker move all its own, isn’t it? Still, I wouldn’t worry too much about that. If you’re looking for what to avoid…

Isadora marches across the stage, headset around her neck and show binder in her arms. She’s shouting orders, almost comically deafening Dave following behind her.

Eric: Don’t get in the way of Isadora Smackle while she’s in stage manager mode. That girl is five feet of pure unadulterated power, and she is not afraid to burn you and your ego to the ground.

Riley: Not much to burn for me.

Eric: Don’t get me wrong, she is incredibly talented. She’s got a vision like no one else, and it’s hard not to admire how passionate she is about seeing that vision come to fruition. She’s just… not fond of things that slow that process down. Like not following directions, or creating issues that don’t exist. And the queen of doing that…

Maya storms out of the dressing room hall and storms onto the stage, holding up a costume choice and obviously having much to say about it. She’s in the midst of diva transformation, makeup more glamorous than before and glossy blonde hair up out of her face.

Eric: Is Maya Hart. Now, Maya is probably the most talented triple threat we have in the sophomore class. She can dance, she can act, and by God, can she sing. But she also has an unbridled sense of what’s best for a production, and will happily fight every single person necessary until her voice is heard. She’s in hot pursuit of her dream, for better or worse, and she is ruthless.

Maya marches past the techies, Asher and Jade scrambling to get out of her way and avoid her fury. She nearly knocks Nate and Dylan into the wall while they’re carrying a two-by-four beam, which almost hits Lucas in the head. He ducks just in time. As he’s getting back up, we freeze on him mid-eye roll and looking just about ready to kill.

Eric: And whatever you do, do not mess with Lucas James Friar. If your dad were here, he’d tell you not to speak to him. Don’t even look at him unless absolutely necessary.

Riley: Why?

Eric: Lucas is… not exactly Adams’ favorite student. And that makes complete sense, because the feeling is 100% mutual.

Riley: So why is he here then?

Eric: Fair question. But I think you’ll come to find everyone came here for different reasons, Riley. I mean, look at you. Adams wasn’t your first choice for a school a year ago.

True enough. Riley still seems curious, but Eric continues on without harping on it any longer.

Eric: There’s plenty Lucas dislikes about the school -- and believe me, I’ve heard enough about it in our mandated meetings over the past year -- but nothing more so than the “diva attitudes,” namely…

Lucas has to duck again to avoid the bony arms of Farkle, who is just launching into a loud, bold, aggressive solo. He swings his arms out wide, tilting his head back and delivering a note with Rachel Berry levels of fervor. Freeze on his dramatic, impassioned belting face.

Eric: Farkle Minkus. Trust fund baby, unparalleled genius, and vocal champion -- in both singing and complaining. He’s certainly our Rachel Berry, if nothing else.

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

As Eric finishes up his CliffNotes edition of the sophomore A class, the warning bell beckons Riley back to class. Eric assures her that she has always been a people person, and he is certain that she’ll be fine. Riley nods along, choosing to believe him.

When he asks if she’s decided what her first performance is going to be, she books it out of the office. Sorry, Uncle Eric! Gotta get to class, ha ha...

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Back in the auditorium, class continues. As Riley makes her way back to the center section, she overhears snippets of the closely congregated crew of techie students. They’re discussing Maya, and Dylan Orlando’s grin is wide and mischievous.

Dylan: I think I should go next. What if I did? Just to throw her off.

Asher: [ elbowing him ] No. Don’t --

Jeff: It’s your funeral.

Dylan: I think I should. I think --

Nate, laughing: As if you can even sing.

Dylan: You don’t know, you don’t know. I could be great. You don’t know...

But no, it’s Maya's turn to sing her piece. She takes the stage just as Riley is settling back into her seat, giving a speech very similar to Farkle’s. In fact, it’s essentially a fuck-you right back to him by twisting his words. Then she launches into her own show-stopping return from the summer, expressing its one of her favorite Broadway tunes -- and a natural fit in her repertoire.

Farkle is miffed by her song choice, seemingly a selection chosen solely to offend him.

Farkle: This bitch knows I claimed rights to all numbers in the Elphaba song canon. Unbelievable.

Dave, leaning over to Yogi: Okay, what is a song cannon, and how do I get one?

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “The Wizard and I” as performed by Wicked Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Maya Hart

From her first introduction to performing, Maya presents an interesting array of stage presence. She can carry a Broadway tune with ease, but her voice seems equally built for pop excellence. Her command of the stage is effortless -- whether you love or hate her, she’s impossible to look away from when she’s delivering a performance. The glamour of her overall appearance elevates it, but what shines is her obvious raw talent and determination.

If anyone defines what it means to have ambition, it would be Maya Hart.

Her vocals are truly stellar, and her performance is daunting. While the techies remain unimpressed -- they’ve seen this all before, too many times, after all -- Riley is totally freaked by how intense the competition is turning out to be. While the rest of the class applauds (in varied states of reluctance), she seems like she’s trying not to throw up.

INT. AAA - GIRL’S BATHROOM - DAY

The lunch bell rings. Riley has hidden herself away in the restroom, tucked in the corner stall and pacing. She attempts to talk herself down from a spiral, fully intimidated after Maya’s performance. Another deep breath...

She steps out and looks in the mirror, repeating the mantra to herself again and again. She has what it takes. She belongs here. She belongs here. She belongs here!

Riley is not going to let this year be like the others. She’s not repeating her freshman year. This year is about change, for the better, and she’s going to make it so. But to do that, she’s going to need some friends.

Time to put herself out there and start breaking down these barriers.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Angela arrives at Jack’s office, knocking curtly on the door. Although the two of them have a good working relationship and typically friendly rapport, it’s evident at that moment that she is not there with good tidings. Jack tries to side step whatever the complaint is, asking if she thinks their new student is adjusting well.

Jack: Seems nice, doesn’t she? Good kid. Should be a good influence, hopefully --

Angela: I’m not here to talk about Matthews. I’m here to talk about the ridiculous excuse for a co-instructor you call half-brother.

Yikes. Well, might as well go on, then. Jack sighs and listens plaintively as Angela informs him that Shawn showed up late this morning, and was no help during the performance lab sessions. Obviously she doesn’t know how his homeroom check-in with the techies went, but she can assume shabbily with little doubt in her mind.

Jack: I haven’t gotten a complaint from the student technicians.

Angela: I’m sure you haven’t. They don’t know any better. And even if they did, I doubt any of them would take the time to formally complain. Half of them don’t appear capable of speech, and the other half are avoiding your office anyway. Likely no doubt due to subconscious contagious influence from their instructor.

Jack: Oh, come on now.

Angela: They won’t complain, but lucky for them, I will.

Jack holds up a hand, halting her tirade. He assures her that he hears her, and he’s aware that Shawn isn’t yet performing to his best ability. He has only been in the position for a year, after all. He just needs some time to get in the swing of things, that’s all.

Angela: When I spent a season in the Guys And Dolls touring troupe, we got our sea legs fast. You know what happened if you fucked up on tour? You got cut. We didn’t get a week to blunder our way through it, let alone a year.

Pointedly, Angela states that it just seems odd. Coming from Jack Hunter, the pillar of authority at this school, such negligence is damn surprising. Given how Eric is always complaining that Jack is too straight and narrow for an arts school, it’s ironic that he’s willing to let one of their faculty members be so off the wagon and not fire him tout de suite.

Fair as that criticism may be, Jack claims he’s made his choices and she needs to trust his role as an administrator. She is of course welcome to continue leveling complaints as she sees necessary, and he’ll touch base with Shawn, but he also points out that she might be operating with some bias of her own in reporting on her co-instructor.

At this, Angela gets huffy. She shrugs off the accusation and storms off, claiming she has students to actually educate. Once she’s gone, Jack releases another heavy sigh, slouching back in his chair. Evidently, the put together and effortless appearance of Adams in the promotional video is not all that truthful… one has to wonder how much of it is expectation versus reality...

INT. AAA - CAFETERIA - DAY

The cafeteria, the classic worst place to be a new student on your first day. Even more intimidating at AAA, where the cafeteria is more claustrophobic than most with only a hundred students to accommodate at a time. Not only that, but everyone seems to already have their lunchtime crew.

Riley weaves her way through the crowd, eyeing places to potentially start her new endeavor. The techie table is at least relatively quiet, tucked away in the corner, but no way is she heading over there. Half of them are in eager and fast-paced conversation with one another, and their chaotic energy still radiates.

Not to mention, Lucas is amongst them and remains an intimidating question mark. Eric warned her, after all. He’s looking particularly nonplussed that afternoon, no lunch in front of him as he listens to the others converse. Once again he catches her looking, meeting her eyes and offering no sign of friendliness.

Yeah, not an option. Riley turns away, keeping her distance.

Charlie is holding court with a bunch of the sophomores, mainly girls. He still seems friendly enough, but Riley isn’t sure she wants to risk that potential flirtation. She needs friends, not awkward rejections. Still, she gives him a smile anyway.

Zay watches her from his table, seated with a couple other performers, YINDRA AMINO (15) and NIGEL CHEY (15). They all murmur to one another, somewhat amused, but Zay waves them off. He throws Riley a life preserver after a moment, beckoning her over to join them.

Riley is shocked that they’re talking to her -- they seem like the coolest crop of her classmates, and she in no way mirrors their general energy -- but she’s not foolish enough to refuse the invitation. If they turn out to be playing her, well, she’ll cross that bridge when she gets to it.

She slides into the seat across from Zay, who introduces himself and nods to his friends to do the same. Nigel shakes Riley’s hand from the seat next to her. She thanks them for offering her shelter, which Zay shrugs off as no big deal. Yindra asks if being the new student sucks as much as it seems like it does, and Riley is like hello, yes, it’s terrible.

Once she’s gotten comfortable with her new company, Riley asks Zay about his passion for dance and what his future dreams are after AAA. As they get to chatting, Zay expresses that he is Broadway bound with no detours and questions about it. When he gets into talking about how much he loves dance, his passion is clear on his face. He laments the attitude of Farkle and Maya, claiming he’s not like that. A bold claim, only time will tell if it’s true...

Riley asks him about his performance for class, to which he grins. Why tell her about it when he could show her?

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Dancin’ On the Sidewalk” as performed by FAME! Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Zay Babineaux (feat. AAA Sophomores)

Zay launches into this upbeat and fun dance tune, expressing his love for dance while pulling the rest of the cafeteria into it. Riley is amazed as everyone just kind of jumps up and jams with him, starting with Yindra and Nigel but slowly spreading throughout the congregation. Eventually, Zay manages to get her to her feet and pull her into it as well.

There is a sizable dance break within the song (naturally), and we get to see Riley show off some of her own skills when she’s not too intimidated. Charlie is also particularly featured in the dancing of the number, showing off his strong capability aside from being cute and charming.

However, not everyone is thrilled by this dancing development. Maya keeps Darby from joining in by yanking her back into her seat, not about to humor her rival. Farkle is the same, watching from his table in the opposite part of the cafeteria and rolling his eyes.

But no one is less thrilled than the techies. They’re exhausted, having to listen to the performers do this shit all the time. Yet another lunch, eclipsed by an impromptu performance. Lucas has had enough, getting to his feet. Isadora argues with him, but he doesn't listen. He’s already on the move. Isadora exchanges a look with Jade and Asher.

During the dance break, Lucas weaves inconspicuously through the crowd. By the end of it, he sneaks out the back door of the cafeteria.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

As Zay is finishing up the last verse, Lucas makes his way down the hall, surveying the ceiling until he finds what he’s looking for.

Then, he starts scaling the lockers.

Intercut with the dancing, Lucas hefts himself up on top of the lockers, rolling onto his back in the thin space between the top and the ceiling. He digs in his pockets, pulling out a lighter. Ever so carefully, he sparks it and holds it out towards the sprinkler system a foot or so away. Stretching as far as he can reach… getting that flame closer and closer…

INT. AAA - CAFETERIA - DAY

As Zay and Riley bring the number to an end with a flourish, suddenly the fire alarm blares through the cafeteria. In the next second, there’s a click, and the sprinkler system erupts and douses them all in mucky water.

The cafeteria bursts into chaos, students screaming and trying to run from the building. Maya shrieks, trying to shield her hair as she and her plastics flee the scene. She isn’t afraid to push people out of the way. Farkle, meanwhile, isn’t even trying to run, frozen in rage and getting soaked. He snarls, swinging his wet hair out of his face.

Farkle: THIS OUTFIT IS WORTH MORE THAN THIS SCHOOL!

The techies erupt into laughter, high-fiving and jostling each other around as they exit the building. Dylan looks particularly gleeful, playfully shaking Asher by the shoulders, who looks notably less pleased and more than a little grossed out as he blinks the water out of his eyes.

Zay sighs, shaking his head and giving Riley a half-hearted shrug and well-meaning smile.

Zay: Welcome to Adams.

As if this kind of shit is totally normal. Riley wipes her eyes, dripping wet and totally shocked by this turn of events. What a rollercoaster of a day this is turning out to be. Certainly nothing about this in the school’s advertising...

INT. AAA - GIRL’S DRESSING ROOM - DAY

All of the sophomore girls are together in the dressing room, switching into fresh clothes and drying their hair (of course, performing arts girls have hair care products with them). Riley is the only who doesn’t seem to understand exactly what happened.

Riley: I didn’t see any fire.

Yindra, offhandedly: It wasn’t a fire. It was Friar.

Sarah: [ off of Riley’s continued confusion ] Lucas James Friar? He’s the worst.

Riley: My uncle may have… mentioned him...

Chai: He’s constantly pulling stunts like this and making a scene even though he acts like he’s above it all.

Clarissa: He never does the assignments.

Sarah: Not to mention he’s basically the definition of white trash.

Haley: He’s the worst the techies have to offer. No one even knows why he’s at this school.

This is all news for Riley, much more blatant than what Eric said. Then Isadora steps in, offering a counterpoint.

Isadora: Well, maybe if you didn’t sing and dance every lunch and stop us from enjoying our break from you singing and dancing every class, he wouldn’t need to do this stuff. But I know, you’re all incapable of doing anything but whatever it is you want.

Solid counterpoint, Isa. Riley takes that in as well.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Speaking of Lucas, the girls aren’t the only people who are certain he was the one who caused the fire evacuation. He sits opposite Jack at his desk, and it’s clear just from their posture that they’ve been in this exact position many times before. Yes, Lucas is no stranger to the principal’s office, and no friend to Jack Hunter.

Jack speaks with the exasperation of an exhausted parent who has told his child numerous times not to steal cookies from the cookie jar, but they keep doing it anyway.

Jack: Come on, Mister Friar. This is the fourth time. The fire department is considering adding us to a list. [ off his lightly amused smirk ] Are you really going to start another year this way?

Lucas, calmly: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Jack: We know you did it.

Lucas: You have no proof.

Jack: People saw you leave the cafeteria.

Lucas: I went to the bathroom. People do that, sometimes, you know. It’s actually quite a common bodily function --

Jack: Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.

Lucas: All due respect, Principal Hunter, all you have is circumstantial evidence and confirmation bias. So unless you have anything else to add, I really should get back to class so I can listen to Farkle Minkus squawk for yet another jolly day in this wonderful, wonderful institution to higher learning.

Jack doesn’t have any other proof, so there’s not much he can do. But it’s clear -- Lucas is one of his most frustrating students, and he’s run out of ways to make headway with him. It really is a wonder he’s even still at the school…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

As Lucas makes his way back into the halls and to class, Jack follows him out. He paces a bit to clear his head, get some fresh air rather than sit in his office… and happens to run right into a conversation happening in the adjoining hall. He hangs back around the corner, eavesdropping as Eric stands with a couple of the other teachers.

The group of them are obviously not happy with the sprinkler situation. Understandably so, but Eric is trigger happy to pin the blame on Jack. He sympathizes with the complaints of the fellow faculty, before insisting that it all comes down to leadership at the end of the day. Jack is a good disciplinarian, sure, and he’s been here for years… but then how come this keeps happening? In his opinion, Jack just isn’t built for an environment like this. The arts are about creativity, inspiration, hopeful encouragement and emotional exploration… not rules, strict academics, and going by the book.

Jack is pissed, but he’s not going to make a scene. It’s nothing he’s never heard before anyway, least of all from his best counselor but least favorite co-worker. He turns the other way, marching back to his office.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

That night, Riley has dinner with her family. It is clear through this scene that things between Cory and Topanga are not as rosy as America’s sweethearts would have you believe. They’re snippy with one another, and it seems like problems are brewing on the horizon.

Riley mentions her struggle to pick her audition song, and the strong personalities already at play at school. Topanga instructs her with the realist approach, which is that she’ll then need to bring her best as well. What power ballads does Riley have in her repertoire? She can’t let those other students walk all over her -- they don’t want a repeat of last year.

No kidding, Topie. Although it’s well-intentioned advice, it doesn’t seem like what Riley wants to hear. She nods along, focusing back on her food.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

In a parallel setting, Jack is having a small casual dinner with his half-brother, Shawn. Although his first impression at school wasn’t much, it’s clear that Shawn isn’t the worst guy in the world. He and Jack definitely seem to have a good relationship, this family dinner a weekly tradition for them.

And Shawn can tell when Jack is burying emotions. He prompts him to spill about whatever pissed him off that day -- aside from the obvious. Is there other beef going on in the school? Anything interesting? Jack avoids it at first, but when Shawn won’t let it go, he cracks.

Jack: Actually, people had some choice things to say about you. Showing up late, again? On the first day?

Shawn’s upbeat demeanor crumbles fast, defaulting to defensive. He quickly susses out that it must have been Angela who complained, claiming that of course she’s going to rag on him. She’s biased, Jack, you know that. She’s been out to get him ever since… well, things fell apart. Of course she wouldn’t want to see him trying to pick himself back up -- imperfectly, sure, but…

Jack shakes his head, getting up from his seat and taking his plate to the sink. Shawn keeps trying to defend himself, saying it’s all Angela’s fault, that everyone is just overreacting, who cares what they think --

Jack: I do, Shawn! I have to care what they think. It’s my job!

Oh. Well… that’s another story. This gets Jack to the actual root of what he’s frustrated with -- Eric’s criticism of him, and the way no one is ever happy with him at AAA. They all think the job is so simple, so easy. File some paperwork, discipline a kid when necessary, keep things in order. But that’s harder than it sounds. Of course Eric thinks he has it all figured out -- he’s the good guy. He gets to be the faculty favorite, telling the kids exactly what they want to hear, while Jack has to be the realist. He has to deliver the hard truths, the punishments and probabilities, to step in to keep things in order even when it feels like everything is constantly in chaos.

And honestly, Shawn is not helping with that. It’s way easier for people to question Jack’s leadership, his strong stances, his ability to keep things in line, when his “nepotism hire” can’t even show up for work on time. Shawn still tries to defend himself, but his arguments are becoming more sheepish as they go. It’s hard to argue against something that’s objectively true.

Jack: I’m not asking you to do my job. It’s my shit, and I’ll deal with it. I always do. But I’m bending over backwards for you, and you have to meet me in the middle.

Shawn: I know… I know, I’m --

Jack: I gave you this job as a fresh start, Shawn. Because I believed you could pull things back together, that you didn’t have to keep going down the road you were on. I still do believe that. But you have to prove me right, you have to show up.

Shawn: Okay. You’re right, I’m sorry.

Jack: Not even just for me. You have to show up for them. You think Friar would be going around doing this shit if he had even a little more discipline within the school day? The sense that someone else is looking out for him? You know that’s absent from every other part of his life. And all of them have their own shit. You know what that’s like -- we went through it ourselves.

Shawn: … that’s true. I --

Jack, exasperated: They’re what matters, Shawn. Forget the politics, forget the petty drama. With Angela, with Eric. Whatever. What matters are the students. We show up for them. Even if everything else is in chaos.

If anything, the exchange at least highlights why Jack is at AAA. All the criticism that gets hurled at him, all the hard choices he has to make, at the end of the day he’s doing his best. He’s there to help the students, to give them an education and foundation for the rest of their lives. One, seemingly, he wishes he had for himself.

Shawn is certainly reprimanded enough. He agrees with Jack, apologizing again and thanking him for giving him the opportunity. He knows what Jack had to risk to do it. He’s going to try not to squander it -- not to mess everything up again.

Like everything else, all Jack can do is hope for the best. He nods, taking Shawn’s dish and focusing on washing them in the sink instead of facing more of the conversation. As impassioned as the outburst was, it’s clear emotion is not Jack’s strong suit.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - RILEY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Cory comes in to say goodnight to Riley and congratulate her on her first day. She is more open with how she actually feels about it with him than Topanga and Auggie, expressing that she doesn’t know what to do about the song. Cory gives her advice from his heart, which is that she should kick things off singing whatever makes her feel most comfortable. Something that feels like her. She shouldn’t have to change herself just to make an impression.

During this conversation, we also learn the real truth as to why Riley is attending this school now -- yes, because of her own passions, but more so because she was bullied at her former school. This is her fresh start.

She gives Cory a hug and then he kisses her forehead, bidding her goodnight. As Riley crawls into bed, she’s back to staring at the ceiling. Thinking, contemplating… as the piano opening of “Your Song” floats in…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Your Song” as performed by Ellie Goulding || Performed by Riley Matthews

Riley keeps it simple with a soft, sweet rendition. No grand fanfare, no brassy vocals, just her sitting on a stool and singing the song. Her vocals are beautiful, but certainly not as loud as Farkle or Maya.

Angela smiles pleasantly as Riley performs. Zay watches with a smile, giving her a little thumbs up when she looks to him. Charlie obviously enjoys the performance, intrigued. Maya and Farkle look unimpressed, almost amused. At least she’s not a threat.

Most of the techies don’t pay attention or look bored. Lucas looks particularly neutral… and yet, he’s not letting his attention drift anywhere else…

A smattering of applause follow her performance. As the class is dismissed, Charlie takes the initiative to approach her and tell her that he really liked the performance. Riley, a bit flustered by the attention, is like thanks okay sure. It’s still unclear whether Charlie is flirting, or if he genuinely did just like the song…

As Riley hustles to pack up, most everybody gone, suddenly it’s just her and Lucas left in the auditorium. She glances to him, uncertain whether she should say something -- she’s supposed to be making friends, after all. But she can’t bring herself to do it. He does it instead, however, muttering an offhand comment as he heads up the back steps towards the technician’s booth.

Lucas: So exciting to see we’ve got another unassuming chorus member.

Riley doesn’t get the chance to respond, but the statement makes its impact. He’s not impressed, and she gets the feeling no one else really was either.

A little funny, coming from him considering he didn’t even perform, but if she wants to make her mark here she’s going to have to bring her A game. Maybe her mother was right -- she’s going to have to be a little bolder if she wants to hold her own.

INT. AAA - DRESSING ROOM HALL - DAY

Farkle is outside the dressing rooms, writing down notes in a journal as Maya emerges from the girls room. She says something snarky to Farkle, prompting banter between the two of them.

Farkle: Oh, yes, I was just compiling a list of all the things I’m going to rightfully accomplish this year. Winter showcase closing number, Haverford conference representative, oh, and that coveted summer spot at the Kossal camp for the rising junior class --

Maya: Oh, is daddy going to buy it for you? Think he could buy you some friends first…

The two of them stare each other down, both of them clearly meaning business and full of diva ire. It’s clear that this year is going to be a bloody battle between the two of them for top spot.

And may the best bitch win.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - RILEY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Riley is back to feeling uncertain, her “authentic” performance not having accomplished much. Then, she supposes, it’s not clear how authentic it really was… it was certainly the safe option, at least. But everyone else around her is so loud, so bold, so ready to scrap to the death… and she doesn’t know if that’s her. Maybe she doesn’t have what it takes.

The promotional video certainly is a testament to expectations versus reality. Highly skilled faculty… the polished and put together exterior… camaraderie and a bond with classmates for life… right now, they seemed destined to kill one another.

Thoughtful, Riley pulls up her tablet and searches for the promotional video again. She skims through it, searching for parts of Jack’s speech near the end.

Jack, voiceover: The competition is fierce, and the process isn’t easy.

INT. AAA - FRONT OFFICE - DAY

Eric is in the main office, chatting with the secretaries and easily charming them. Jack emerges from his office with more paperwork, catching his eye as he goes. The two of them hold each other’s gaze for a moment, that animosity still between them.

Jack: It’s work, hard work, but any passion worth pursuing takes a little faith and a whole lot of elbow grease.

Jack keeps his chin held high -- it is his office, after all. He gives Eric a cordial nod, heading back into his office. Back to do the work that matters, to the best of his ability.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

The A class is assembled throughout the stage, all in their rehearsal clothes. Simple leotards, sweats, no one more glamorous than the other. There for the work, there for the challenge and the practice and the opportunities.

Jack: The best of the best make their way to Adams, and without a doubt, the best emerge from it ready to take on the world.

Maya, Farkle, and Zay all rise from stretching at the same time, eyeing each other. Maya takes a pointed sip of her water bottle, turning away with a hair flip.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - RILEY’S BEDROOM - DAY

Riley is enthralled with the video, deep in thought. Jack’s words are resonating with her, leaving their impact.

Jack: The question is, where do the best of the best come from? Who has what it takes to join our elite and excellent rank of future artists? Do you?

That is the question, indeed. Riley glances up, determination in her glare as she looks towards the camera. Guess we’re going to find out!

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “One (Reprise) / Finale” as performed by A Chorus Line Original Broadway Cast || Performed by AAA Sophomores

This classic intense theater kid song takes us through the end of the episode, following each of our main characters through their morning routine at the start of the next day during the first half of the number. This gives us a little bit of insight into what might be going on in their lives beyond what we’ve seen displayed thus far…

INT. MAYA’S APARTMENT - DAY

Maya is in her small, falling apart apartment, kissing her stressed mom on the cheek as she goes out despite how well dressed she is. Talk about expectation versus reality -- she is obviously on the poverty line. Her outward appearance is in complete contrast to the world she’s actually living in every evening.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - DAY

Zay is gathering all his dance things together, getting pats and kisses from his parents as he dashes out the door. He almost drops his ballet shoe, but his mother catches it and gives it to him, clearly showing he’s a little more scattered than he puts off.

INT. GARDNER HOME - DAY

Charlie is getting ready for the day, dancing around a house full of sisters. He’s fighting for the bathroom just as a younger sister dashes inside, forcing him to run downstairs and get ready to go anyway. His mother licks her thumb and wipes a smudge from his cheek, as his father gives him a proud nod and sees him on his way.

The crucifix adorning the wall by the front door gives us the hint that this family is devout, to some degree. How much so, and whether that matters, only time will tell...

INT. FOSTER HOME - DAY

Isadora is eating breakfast in a crowded kitchen, trying to avoid bumping into a gaggle of siblings of all races and ages. She is a foster child, crammed in a fancy house with about twelve other children. Nice accommodations, and yet still not quite a home.

It’s obviously not the most ideal environment for her. She heads out the door as fast as she can.

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - DAY

Lucas is already at school early in the morning, in the technician’s booth where Riley left him last. He finishes pulling a black long sleeve shirt over his head, collapsing into the rolling chair and propping his feet up on the lightning board table. He starts flossing his teeth, treating the space like his own rather than school property.

One has to wonder… did he even go home? Is there a home to go to? What’s going on here…

INT. MINKUS HOME - FARKLE’S BEDROOM - DAY

Farkle, lavish and spoiled in a clearly wealthy home, is practicing his stage smile in the mirror. Totally straight-faced, then BAM! Full bright, stage presence grin. Over and over again. Obsessively adjusting his hair. Every polished piece in place. A constant performance…

EXT. AAA - DAY

As the trumpets swell before the final chorus, Riley arrives outside AAA again. She’s ready for her second go. Having what it takes.

She steadies her shoulders, then jogs up the steps towards the school.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Bam! As we enter into the final minute of the performance, Riley spins and the spotlight hits her. The full sophomore A class performers are up on stage, running through the show-stopping number. She’s keeping up -- barely, but she is. And that’s a start.

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - DAY

From the booth, Shawn, Isadora, and Lucas run the lights and sound levels. Watching the performance critically from a world away…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

In the back row of the center section, Jack sits and watches the performance. Taking a moment out of his hectic schedule to settle in and appreciate what they’re doing there, watching the future artists take the foundation and flourish. He smiles, in spite of it all, reminding himself what really matters.

The kids give it their all, ending the number with a flourish. The lights are bright, Riley is alive with the energy of a good performance.

Welcome to Adams, indeed. This is it!

END OF PILOT.

[siodium]

REVIEW: BURIED STARS ☆

came across this korean mystery vn and i knew i had to get it bc someone commented that it had a similar feel to danganronpa/zero escape O: seems like i have a type

i usually don’t prefer to get digital copies of games but there was really no choice... i heard the physical copy is sold out in korea and resales are going for 200 USD ain’t nobody got money for that

i don’t think anyone i know is gonna purchase this game and play for themselves and i can’t share the game either bc it’s a digital copy sooo i’m gonna write a review~ please enjoy!!

basically the plot goes as such: the survival reality tv show Buried Stars was about to commence the finals of its current season with the remaining five contestants when the building suddenly collapses. most of the audience and staff members were safely evacuated except for seven ppl (the five contestants and two staff members) who are trapped in the wreckage with just their smartwatches that connects them to the outside world via calls (problematic bc they can only call a restricted number of ppl and the signal inside is shit) and phater (bootleg twitter). after trying to make some calls, everyone was then told that the rescue team would take around six hours to break into the collapsed building to get them out.

ok so they just have to wait it out... in an unstable building that can come down at any moment. cool.

then!!! they find the producer’s dead body, seemingly a victim to the falling debris!! they’re down to six survivors now.

despite the circumstances, voting is still ongoing and some rando on phater claims that the contestant in the last place will die as if the atmosphere wasn’t bad enough.

this is your smartwatch interface!! most of the functions are pretty useless with regards to the actual gameplay but it’s just fun to play around with them i guess

for e.g. you can change the background and ringtone but they don’t affect anything

there’s this feature that keeps track of changes that occur when you pick certain conversation topics during communication rounds and it’s really useful for replays!! too bad it doesn’t keep track of sanity changes in mc

this is the mc!! even though he looks like he would be a tsundere punk he’s actually very soft?? kinda like saihara but with a bit more spine

AND THIS IS MY BEST BOI GYU-HYUK

i lowkey ship them bc of their interactions alsjdkasjs jUST LOOK AT THIS

i was expecting there to be a lot of mysteries but given the circumstances i guess it makes sense to not have that many... there’s no murder mystery if it happened in an accident site and looked like an accident you see

a lot of conversation topics focus on the character’s backstory and stuff so you get to learn more about the characters while waiting for rescue (one of the goals of this game is actually to collect characters’ profiles!)

bonding through a shared traumatic experience sounds reasonable

did i mention that the cutscenes are fully voiced (either in korean or japanese depending on your preference)?? i played it in korean for my first gameplay for ~Optimal Experience~ but i switched to japanese in subsequent plays bc i wanted to be able to understand what the characters were saying without reading the text

the only thing that throws me off is that characters are given japanese names in the japanese dub but the in-game text still uses their korean names??? why

my boi gyu-hyuk is voiced by takuya eguchi and hyesung is voiced by shimono hiro (i actually doubted my ears at first bc hyesung sounds angry 24/7 and i only know shimono’s derpy zenitsu and troll ouma voices sweats;;) wOW 👍👍👍

the first ending is the same for everyone even if you picked the best options

they call it a “normal end” but tbh it’s a bad end bc everyone dies and nothing is resolved

after you clear the game for the first time you will get to replay from the start but your options will change so you can proceed towards other routes!! yay

oh yeah in case anyone is wondering this game is rated T and bodies are shown in the form of a silhouette with non-explicit close-ups during investigation so if you can’t handle graphic stuff it’s not too bad

warning: from here on there will be spoilers for the true ending and other endings!! stop scrolling if you have even the slightest intention to play the game

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collected all the endings after 30ish hours of gameplay!! i wanted to strive for 100% completion in achievements but i’m not sure how to get some stuff... might go back and try other options in the future

in the true route you receive help from this random phater user plughole aND I JUST LOVE THE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN HIM AND DO-YOON LMAO

idk if anyone tried to guess who the real culprit is but it turned out to be

my boi gyu-hyuk......

he had his reasons (not trying to say he did no wrong) and it’s just unfortunate that things turned out this way

while playing, i thought to myself... if there was one person i would glue do-yoon to throughout the entire game it would be gyu-hyuk... bc i was certain he wouldn’t hurt do-yoon

i was right tho... even in some routes where do-yoon catches him in the act, gyu-hyuk didn’t try to silence him

CRYING

i don’t know much about korean law but he has THREE murder charges on him whicH SOUNDS LIKE DEATH SENTENCE

i’m sad bc there’s no way to save my boi even in his best ending

plughole visits you in the hospital in the true ending!! he is also a troll irl it seems

he was kinda sus in the beginning but i really hoped that he was a Good Guy to keep do-yoon sane in the wreckage

and i’m glad he was

do-yoon looks super baby in his hospital clothes

he was not kidding when he said that his actions were bc of his sister (who is a hardcore fan of do-yoon) lmao

aaa the girls are doing great after their treatment!! they visit do-yoon too!!

yeah i also want to know why do-yoon is the only one still hospitalised with all those bandages when everyone else is fine but i guess maybe he got injured when he protected gyu-hyuk from falling debris at the start of the game

...

if you don’t find out the true culprit of the murders gyu-hyuk goes free and he visits you every day in the hospital aND SAYS STUFF LIKE THIS

ugh it hurts me

...

there’s also a joke ending (when you pick the “i’m the attacker” option lmao) which i appreciate a lot!! something to lighten the tense mood is what i crave for in games like this

somehow i feel like it’s even scarier than the usual atmosphere bc of how ooc everyone acts

BUT YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S REALLY SCARY?

there’s a horror route that you can enter by using the “laboratory” conversation topic on everyone and expressing how much it creeps you out

and the entire game shifts in genre to actual horror (like with paranormal activities)

IT WAS REALLY SCARY AND THERE WERE HANDS EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE WAS ACTING WEIRD ASLJELKASJ i had my eyes closed half the time and i regret playing on my monitor

i didn’t take many screenshots bc as i mentioned my eyes were not looking at the screen for most part but i hope that you can kinda understand where i’m coming from with these two screenshots

...

the game is actually split into two major routes (A and B) which differ in who gets saved and who dies

you can only start on the B route after you get the true ending which is in the A route

unfortunately there is no route where everyone (even if you exclude the producer bc she dies before do-yoon regains consciousness at the start of the game) survives TT

if hyesung and seil survive then gyu-hyuk kills himself and leaves a note but do-yoon tears it up so we don’t know what he wrote

overall a solid mystery vn with beautiful graphics and enough routes to keep you occupied for many hours!! i highly recommend following a walkthrough bc it’s not an easy game if you want to collect all the possible endings and achievements

cuz there are minor changes to the epilogue depending on how close you are with the characters

i actually don’t play a lot of VNs but i feel like all VNs need the route map thingy in AI: the somnium files

my only gripe about this game is prob the derpy translations which usually isn’t a big issue (imo at least) but for a game priced this high?? i expected better

anyway that’s all from me!! thanks for reading til the end hahah i wanted to write a srs review but i just ended up simping for gyu-hyuk

[riskeith]

hi babe, hope you slept well.. ♥️

answering on the phone is just *takes screenshots* *opens tumblr app* *switch between screenshots and answering* do you also put on my messages on the laptop and answering with your phone usually, because that’s what i do lmao sjshdks. thank god for technology.

(I LOVE BEING CALLED BRO.. i believe that i would’ve been a dudebro in another life tbh..) there is? i’m not super immersed in the fandom actually so i had no idea, do you have any examples? ofc only if you wanna talk about it i know these topics can sometimes be annoying to think about. also you’re right! ‘don’t like don’t read’ is the law. follow it. i can’t believe how some people have the nerve to talk about what other people do creatively... yikes

you should if you ever find yourself not knowing what to read! i think their fics were some of my first in the fandom and they set the bar so high hehe. dude i love how oikawa just wants to see kageyama burn it’s so funny..... he’s so cocky about it while kageyama’s just his moody self. speaking of; one of my fave fics of yours is the swapping jerseys one!

WTF 😭 BABY POOLS AND POOL FLOATIES..... razor please come back to us please. sidenote but do you also think that his powers are 5 star level? hes soo powerful it’s so odd how he’s only 4 star haha... or maybe it’s just me being biased.

YEAH! THE SAVING SCENE IS SO AHHHHH. god especially if they have dialogue while person a is hurting and person b just spills all their feelings and becomes so erratic and scared and person a is like holy shit you love me.... and after everything is okay there’s still some awkwardness and tension and aaa.... 💢💔

OOO. sadly the ps5 is always out of stock it’s crazy how fast it sold out. but i mean it makes sense it’s arguably the most popular console so.. hopefully they restock soon. last of us is such a fun game! and the second part is ~gay~ which is always a plus. i’m not sure which memes you mean? tell me 👁 HAHA that makes sense actually omg... lumine and aether reunion won’t happen until like two years if the updates keep coming the way they are (STOP THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE SO FUNNY.... like hello if you want to unlock the rest of the story you either gacha $pin for it or you imagine it yourself love ♥️😗) talking about this makes me wonder what the other worlds might look like....

your followers are just here to witness us planning our co-op date sjsjdkdjskz. speaking of,,, hehe. i have some fantastic news. i’m at ar level 11 right now and co-op unlocks at level 16... i might just reach that tomorrow (today for you) so i’m just saying hehehehehehehehehehehe.... 😏♥️

BOWL CUT. my cutie little baby. also mullet? sounds nice omg you will probably rock that look... 😳 i’m a non mullet supporter but if cluna has a mullet then call me a yeehaw mullet lover i suppose. can’t believe my wife is a cowboy. OMG YEAH IT MUST FEEL SO NICE your head went bzz bzz. how long did it take for them to accept it? and yeah god ikr some people take hair so seriously which is fair but also i’ve never understood it... like it grows out..? wow you really went from a ballet girl to punk rock style huh. i feel like you’re the both sides of the ‘she was a punk she did ballet’ meme.

memo fic is a jealous fic? mmm smells good. I FIGURED jshdjdkhsjs slow songs are just not your forte, huh? rip. langst is the best yet worst thing ever tbh. and YEAH I DO we’re truly 🤝 ok literally mood sometimes it’s just nice to talk about how much you love a character through another character in a fic yk? so what if this 2k fic contains 1k words about how beautiful oikawa looks? it’s what iwa feels <3 (YOU’RE LEARNING!!!!!!! THATS SO EXCITING!! i guess you just have to drive me around, huh?)

oh i’m in love i’m with that fic my girl. and i knew about that spoiler it’s kind of hard to miss it since it’s everywhere skdhdkdhdk... god, that sounds so good thank you for sharing it. pining iwaizumi hajime >>>>>>>> the air i need to exist 🥺 

THE DAY IS SO SOON CLUNA, it’s literally here soooo soon holy shit i just can’t wait. i played for almost 6 hours today in a row like an idiot and now i never wanna see hilichurls again in my life but hey, one step closer to my baby. prepare yourself.. 😏

AWWW i had a feeling you’d be a tea person. but omg tea effects your sleep? how late is too late for you to drink it? what’s your favorite flavors? 👁 and i’m addicted to both shdkdhsks. i say addicted bc i literally have 6 cups of tea per day easily and like.. 1 or 2 coffee cups per day. it’s really bad but i can’t stop so.. 🙇🏽‍♀️

COLLEGE BOYFIES CLUNA. COLLEGE BOYFIES WITH DIP DYE HAIR. imagine them doing each other’s make up and nails before going to concerts together. imagine xiao in euphoria kind of make up. holy shit. here’s something for your overwhelmed heart jsdhjshska. xiaoven soulmates girl, no doubt about it. THE EDIT THE EDIT THE EDIT!!!! they just look so beautiful. we need scenes with them like Asap. the edit is based on a fic... notes down.

can’t wait to see your screenshots. super excited!!

xo, m.a. (i almost wrote my name down in a haste shshskdjdk... although you’ll find it out soon...)

hiya!! i slept alright~ ahaha

:o that’s smart! but no i don’t LOL whether i’m on my phone or my laptop i just continuously scroll up and down fhdskjfkhsdf i think that’s why i come close to missing some paragraphs some times oops. yay for the ~wonders of technology~

(AIGHT NICE AHAHHA fhsdkjfsh does that mean you’re a bit of a tomboy?) actually coincidentally i came across this thread: https://twitter.com/maxatsuomi/status/1350145589296685057 which gives you an idea lmao (also some things on there i wasn’t even aware of wtf) EXACTLY??? it’s even worse when non content creators try to come for content creators like?????????/ um you’re getting all this food for FREE and yet?????? lmfao the nerve of some people

i def will!! FKJSHFDSKJ yeah that do be their dynamic lolol. and thank you!! i too think i snapped on that one 😩😩 glad others agree ahahah

i actually haven’t really seen him in combat... and when we could trial him i was too busy trying to pass the quests to focus on how he fought fhdkfhsdkfjshf but i do think his abilities are cool!! he have wolf above head 🥺

YEAHHH BOYEEEEEEEEEEE god that reminds me of a scene from a drarry fic (What We Pretend We Can't See wink wonk)

oh damn!! hope they restock soon for your sake~ yissss ive watched a playthrough and omg lev.... my Son. i don’t think i can find the memes again but it was just about the bugs like how if you throw a grenade on the highway everyone will run out of their cars like a flashmob or something hfskfhsdjfkds. (LMAOOOOO) there’s actually a trailer with the other worlds! https://youtu.be/TAlKhARUcoY (it has spoilers tho supposedly lol. none we understand rn at least)

hdsfkhjs. omg you absolute legend!!!! but i also hope that you’re taking care of yourself and prioritising the important things too fhsfhdksdhf. but i am excited hehehehehe

AHHAAHKFHDSKJFSD pls... once i saw someone with an actual proper mullet on the bus and i was like “ew... keith would look like this irl?” FJSDHKFSAHKDASHDFSDJFKJFDSHFKJS. but what can i say i got influenced by all the kpop bois 😔 and hmmm idk? i think my dad didn’t care too much but ik my mum did/does fhsfskfsdfhkf so who knows lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. IT REALLY DOES GROW OUT LMAO LIKE. fhkshkfsdkj my cousin called me a rockstar when she saw it LOL so you’re prob right 🤪

yeah slow songs really just. aren’t LMAO ‘behind this mask of mine’ was based on a slow bts song and i put it in the playlist i had for it (bc obviously) but i wanted to skip it every time hfksjdhfskjdfhskfdkfhkslfhadksfjsdjhfkashkfjsdh. EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!! you are so correct. (hehehe i was gonna say that too that you don’t need to drive bc it’ll take you around 😏 LMAO)

fhkdsj thank!! legit pining iwa.......... more like pining ME mayhaps i just be self projecting 🤪🤪

lolol dw i can fight the hilichurls for you 😩 also who’s your fave enemy to fight! i used to like fighting the treasure hoarders most but the hilichurls are cute.. FHSKJDHFSDFKJSD plus i need their fucking masks my god why are their drop rates so shit hfsdhjfks

i’m not too sure actually? i’ve never been up early enough to test it but i like drinking tea like after dinner... which is the problem AHAHA. hmm well i like matcha a lot LOL but also chai? and then like black tea.... all the other ones too... i used to drink some fruity ones which were nice but we have a lot of the like basic chinese ones at home too and i enjoy those as well lol. wbu?? omg.... m.a........... dfhksdfkjhfkjshfksjd that’s a lot!!!!!!! do you even need to drink water then HKDSJFHKSDFHDKDSHFJKSDH

omg............. ive never seen euphoria LOL but ............. omg ...................... i cannot process thoughts rn.....

xoxo!! c.r. (you mean bc we’ll be playing co-op? you don’t have to if you’re uncomfy fhdskjf my genshin name was literally ‘aether’ up until yesterday FHDFHSDKFSDFJSHFKSDF)

[jo2ukes]

Hello! I’m hildahilda from tumblr and I saw you taking prompt requests for 50 ways to love your partner (which has become one of my fave dmileth fics). May I suggest... Dimitri and Byleth debating/arguing over political concerns or having long horse rides together? Just getting these ideas from their paired ending lol. Thank you!

HELLO LOVELY!!! Aaa your comments are always so sweet i always look forward to reading what you have to say slkdfjslkd  thank u for requesting smth ilysm~

I’m SO SORRY this took so long - I’ve been working on it off and on, but I slacked off too much at work last week so things kind of blew up and I’ve been living off of energy drinks. THAT BEING SAID, this is for YOU!!! I’m gonna upload to ao3 later as well, just not rn bc I’m at work lol :-)

spoilers for like. post game and blue lions stuff, though i tried to be pretty vague!

It was never typical for diplomatic meetings to go smoothly. Not that Dimitri is naïve enough to expect them to be easy. Even in times of peace, there are always areas for improvement. Dissatisfactions to be addressed. Relationships to maintain. Something about having his work cut out for him makes these meetings easier – though solving the issues are certainly more time consuming. Uniting Fódlan has been no small undertaking and he is grateful for all the assistance he receives from his friends. He is painfully aware that destruction is his forte – his hands and mind have only recently been converted to the goal of healing and restoration. To lead, you have to be able to both destroy and create, Byleth has told him. She’s right. United Fódlan and the relative peace they have now wouldn’t exist had he not destroyed Edelgarde and her dissenting Imperial forces. While the beast in him once relished in the idea of putting an end to El’s machinations, taking her life was one of the most painful trials he’s had to endure. The perspective motivates him. Encourages him to listen to his people and create a world where no destruction is needed, where no one is unjustly taken.

 He constantly reminds himself of this goal. It makes the sleepless nights worth it.

 The current roundtable has gone on for hours at least – Ferdinand, Lorenz, Byleth, Seteth and a handful of other nobles – mostly from former Faerghus territories – are in attendance. Unofficially, Ferdinand speaks for nobles of former Imperial territories, while Lorenz speaks for former Alliance territories. They’ve been instrumental in the restructuring efforts. While the three of them were not particularly close before, Dimitri counts them among his close friends now.

 “I hate to mention it on top of everything else,” Ferdinand bites his lip, “but there’s one last item I feel needs to be addressed before we adjourn. We’ve had trouble with the Western Church in the Aegir territory. We’ve repelled a few initial attacks. At first we thought it was bandits, but… well, we’ve confirmed the worst. Normally, my pride would never allow asking for assistance, but with our resources and attention spread out as it is, namely correcting my father’s corruption, I’m not sure this is a matter I can handle solely on my own. I don’t want to cause any more chaos in my territory than need be.”

 “You are correct to bring it up,” Dimitri says, furrowing his brow. “Aegir territory is a long way to go to cause trouble.”

 “If the Western Church is mobilizing again, it will certainly affect the trade routes we’ve established,” Lorenz observes. “The few merchants that can afford to travel certainly can’t afford losses to their inventory or company. Our trade routes are the most vulnerable. As former Imperial lands are in the most chaos, what with the complete restructuring needed post-war., it makes sense the Western Church, whatever their goals may be, would seek to cause disruptions there. If we truly seek to provide aid and maintain good relations with the nobles in the south, surely this conflict requires more attention. Wouldn’t you agree?” He looks back at Ferdinand.

 “Respectfully, yes,” Ferdinand nods solemnly. “Though, I understand the Central and Western Churches have their summit planned later this month, which surely makes matters precarious.”

 Eyes turn to Byleth and Seteth.

 “You are correct,” Seteth nods, addressing the nobles. “We are aware certain sects of the Western Church are mobilizing, though we had not heard of any activity in the Aegir territory. You can trust the matter will be dealt with. Her Grace has asked that I lead a fraction of the Knights of Seiros to investigate these disturbances while she attends the summit later this month. Ashe wrote to us several weeks ago, disclosing Western Church movements in the Gaspard territory once again. Since then, we’ve been keeping a watchful eye.”

 “How watchful, if they are mobilizing in areas you are not aware of?” Lorenz asks. “Your Grace, your Highness, I know the Church is quite busy with restructuring efforts, but perhaps it would be wise to focus more resources in this area.” He taps his upper lip thoughtfully. “Perhaps if we sent forces that were not affiliated with the Church it wouldn’t complicate things at the summit. The Western Church can feel safe in trusting the Central Church, and the people can feel safe that something is being done about these attacks.”

 “I agree,” Dimitri hums after a beat. “Very well. Seteth, I want you to take some of Fhirdiad’s knights with you. As things are a little more stable in the capital than anywhere else, it is less of a burden on our resources. Ingrid and her company should be available, I believe. I’ll send word they’re to accompany you back to the monastery. I’ll want to be kept in the loop, of course.”

 “With all due respect, your Majesty,” Byleth says, clearing her throat, and breaking her silence, “this is a Church affair. While I appreciate your offer for assistance, we must decline.”

 “On the contrary,” Dimitri shakes his head, “It stopped being a Church affair when it started threatening to plunge all of United Fódlan into another war, your Grace. These are not random attacks, they seem rather targeted.”

 “The Western Church simply does not have the resources or manpower to launch a full-scale war,” she shakes her head. “I do not believe that is their intention this time. They’re recovering just the same as the rest of Fódlan. If you’ll remember, the last time the Western Church created conflicts, there was a larger power at play. As relations with the Western Church are already delicate at best, I’d ask that you let us investigate internally first, at least until the summit has concluded. A month’s time, that’s all I’m asking.”

 “It is not that I distrust your ability to manage your own, I simply wish to prevent further harm to the already suffering villages.”

 “I understand your concern, your Highness. My wishes are the same,” she straightens her back, looking him square in the eye. She looks truly regal and imposing. For a moment Dimitri thinks it’s a shame the others get to observe her in her authoritative splendor, that it’s not a look only he can witness. But the thought only lasts a moment – he’s more than familiar with that determined glint in her eye. He’s in for a fight.

 “However,” she continues, “I cannot hope to restore faith in the Church if we are constantly shown to be unable to handle our own. Say what you will, but Edelgarde’s war has damaged the Church’s reputation, strengthened seeds of distrust. Whether that distrust was well-placed or not is of no consequence. The reputation of the Church must be restored. Through transparency, through rooting out corruption and self-serving officials, so be it, but it must be handled by the Church. We’ve only just concluded a war built on that same distrust – what message would it send if the King had to step in? How would that offer any reassurance to the people that things are different?”

 “You suggest, then, that the people will be more willing to accept the Church should be allowed to continue to govern its own?” he asks, folding his arms.

 “I’m suggesting we be given a chance to prove ourselves. If the leaders cannot trust the Church, the people cannot hope to hold the same faith.”

 “It is a risk,” Ferdinand interjects, “but I believe Her Grace has a point. Restoring faith in the Church should be a priority, and that task begins with our actions here.”

 Lorenz and Seteth both begin to speak, but whatever they start to say is lost to Dimitri and he focuses on his wife’s voice, rising above the others. When she and Dimitri disagree on topics, the others in the room cease to exist to the two of them. While they do not always agree, he trusts her above all else. He respects and values her opinion, as she has led him down the right path time and time again.

 “Rather than bandaging a severed limb,” Byleth continues, “We should treat the root of the problem. I believe this is not the Western Church, but some unnamed force. Without revealing too much of my own hand, I have reason to believe Edelgarde’s… unsavory allies may have resurfaced.”

 “Is this truly information that should be held by the Church alone?”

 “For the time being, yes,” Byleth nods. “As you said, we do not want to cause further damage to those that are already suffering. Mobilizing too early may do just that. Again, a month is all I ask.”

 “If Ingrid and her company were instead mobilized to the Aegir territory to assist in repelling potential attacks in the meantime, would that be sufficient?” Dimitri asks. It’s more of a thought than a command. He’s willing to let Byleth win this round as he can’t begin to fathom some of the complications that come with running the Church. He takes an interest, supporting her how he can. In private, she tells him of her duties and concerns – an odd topic of conversation for pillow talk, but he likes that she trusts him with some of her burdens and worries, as she’s helped him shoulder his own for so long.

 His main goal is to protect the people. Byleth has always been better at keeping her attention toward the future, while his attention is usually focused on the short term. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons their compromises work so well. Sending troops to assist Ferdinand would fulfill his intention of keeping the villagers safe, at least until the end of the summit. Not to mention, the increase in feelings of unity.

“I have no qualms with that solution,” Byleth says, a smile forming at the corners of her mouth.

 “We would be grateful for your assistance,” Ferdinand addresses Dimitri, giving a slight bow of his head. “I’m humbled, your Majesty.”

 “It’s settled then. I will pass word along to Ingrid,” he scribbles a note for himself. “In the meantime, perhaps we should adjourn for the evening?”

 A collective sigh of relief seems to spread throughout the hall. The various lords stand, bowing to Dimitri before exiting, ready to rest and enjoy the few hours of downtime they have before meetings resume again the next morning, servants coming to escort them to their various rooms. Ferdinand and Lorenz excuse themselves as well, familiar enough with the castle they feel comfortable roaming the halls without guidance.

 Once the room is empty, Dimitri turns to his wife who stands behind him.

 “I thought that went rather well,” he says, offering his hand. She takes it. “Though the Archbishop seems quite determined to give me a hard time,” he jokes. She squeezes his hand gently.

 “You’ll have to forgive her, your Majesty. I hear she’s rather stubborn,” she smiles up at him before standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on his cheek.

 “If that is official guidance from my Queen, I suppose I shall take it under advisement,” he laughs. The two of them walk hand in hand through the corridors. “You’re sure the investigation into the Western Church won’t be difficult for you, beloved? I worry about your safety.”

 “I can’t promise the investigation won’t come without dangers,” she replies truthfully, “but I will exercise caution. I have Seteth watching out for me.” She sighs, her mood immediately lightening, “At any rate, that’s enough talk of politics and official business. I asked Cyril to saddle the horses before sundown. If I haven’t been too stubborn, perhaps you’d like to join me?”

 “I’m quite fond of your stubbornness, you know,” he smiles, letting her lead the way to the stables.

 “I know,” she laughs.

[wooahaes]

heyo daisy dont feel bad/pressured abt updating uts, your health and well-being are way more important than posting !! hope the rest of your weekend goes better <3

aaa thank u :( like... i know my health/well-being (+ my schoolwork, tbh) is more important than sitting around n writing fanfic. i think ive just been feelin a lil useless lately too so its all just piling up into one mushy pile of 'bleh' feelings that are finally too high to ignore, if that makes sense?

i might kick back after i write this essay due tomorrow and just... idk, vibe. maybe ill write if i genuinely feel like it, maybe i wont.

at least im like... doing some self care shit ive been putting off. cleaning my room a bit, washing my bedding, taking a bath bc my hair is gross rn and its been a few days but depression y'know?

honestly i might post two things (three, but the thirds just the masterlist for it) i wrote a while back. pretty much all my series are sort of "im posting as i feel" (which should just be both UtS and this other one if im feeling it) right now.

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[ozgeersoy]

Publishing as Method: In Conversation with Ozge Ersoy and Paul C. Fermin

On publishing cultures and trends, conceptualisations of “Asia,” and care and community during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

This interview was originally conducted in December 2020 for the publication anthology of Publishing as Method (curator Lim Kyung-yong) in ArtSonje Center, Seoul. As part of this project, around forty initiatives around Asia were interviewed about their publishing activities, including archives, artist-run spaces, collectives, publishing houses, bookshops, art book fairs, and design studios. The conversation with Özge Ersoy, AAA’s Public Programmes Lead, and Paul C. Fermin, AAA’s and IDEAS Journal’s Managing Editor, is shared below. It has been updated and revised for IDEAS Journal.

Lim Kyung-yong (LKY): It seems that the small publishing culture is now quite active in Hong Kong. So is the annual Hong Kong Art Book Fair. What is the reason for the emergence of this kind of publishing culture in Hong Kong? Many artists or curators seem to use these publications as a stage for themselves, and as this publishing culture spreads throughout Asia, cooperation projects through publishing are increasing. How does AAA diagnose this trend?

Özge Ersoy & Paul C. Fermin (ÖE & PCF): We’re just as excited about all the book fairs and small publishing and distribution platforms that have emerged in Hong Kong in the last ten years—Small Tune Press, Zine Coop, Display Distribute, and Queer Reads Library, immediately come to mind—they breathe so much life into the scene. We believe publications made by these independent publishers are sites where art history is being circulated and contested, and that their voices are critical for a fuller understanding of lived realities on the ground—narratives unable to make it past the usual gatekeepers, or that do not register in, say, more academic discourses. That’s one reason they’re part of our Library Collection.

At the same time, there’s a much longer history around art publishing in Asia that we are committed to study and share with our communities. It Begins with a Story: Artists, Writers, and Periodicals in Asia—the 2018 symposium AAA organised in collaboration with The Department of Fine Arts at The University of Hong Kong, and the second symposium presented at Focal Point in collaboration with the Sharjah Art Foundation—was inspiring on this point, as it explored the countless ways periodicals have acted as sites of exhibition, artistic experimentation, and art history making, while shaping communities around them. For instance, Anthony Leung Po-Shan presented a paper on a group of Hong Kong artists invited to write and develop works for the Hong Kong newspaper Mingpao in the early 2000s, playing a crucial role in connecting art with society and politics.

On IDEAS Journal, we also have pieces that do the work of historicising various publishing cultures. Our former AAA colleague Michelle Wong wrote about three moments of art writing circulation in Hong Kong, with one of her case studies stretching back to the 1960s. Display Distribute wrote an ambitious piece that historicised zines and independent publishing cultures in East and South East Asia, locating alternative trajectories to the usual Western-dominated narratives in the region. Artist Merve Ünsal wrote about the prominence of self-publishing practices of artists and art initiatives in Istanbul, helping us understand it as, in part, a response to the lack of public funding and institutional support, and also a symptom of the need of self-historicisation in a geography ridden with coups, ruptures, and ideological shifts—and this is important to acknowledge.

Karen Cheung reminds us that smaller publishing platforms, especially with regards to zines, have been proliferating because they’re ideally suited to responding—real-time—to ongoing events and movements, given their low costs, ease of production, the fact that they’re less beholden to gatekeepers and institutional constraints, and how in many ways they capture visceral and affective perspectives often neglected in more traditional publishing platforms. Zines come to be a “perfect representation of the spirit of camaraderie and mutual support amongst strangers at protests.” A question we’re starting to ask, so powerfully articulated by Joy James (credit to Eunsong Kim for this reference), is the extent to which acts of care and support under situations like these become stabilising functions of what she calls the “captive maternal.” An open question for which we don’t have any good answers in the context of Hong Kong.

That said, it’s important to acknowledge that practitioners in the cultural field operate under ever increasing precarity, and so whatever “emergence” or “trend” we’re seeing must also be understood as adaptations to decreasing social safety nets across the board, including for many artists and writers and freelancers lumped into that category euphemistically called “flexible labour.” Attempting to navigate the high barriers to entry—internships, gatekeepers, cultural capital, proximity to “global cities,” not to mention discrimination faced along various axis including race, class, gender—these all contribute to what Byung-Chul Han diagnoses as our “burnout society” (credit to Patrick Blanchfield for this reference). In this sense, the “cooperation projects” you’re noting, and perhaps we can also add the increased attention to “mutual aid” projects, come to be means of survival and solidarity under neoliberal precarity. While none of this is news at this point, we feel it is important to reiterate.

LKY: Within a heavily capitalised and highly developed society like Hong Kong and Singapore, a role seems to be required to produce knowledge or information and classify it. For example, we can expect various roles from Singapore for the practice of art in Southeast Asia. I wonder how AAA recognises “Asian” art, how AAA understands and conceptualises “Asia.”

ÖE & PCF: AAA gets the “Asia” question a lot—and for good reason. Lee Weng Choy even wrote an essay about it in 2004, in which he opens by wondering how often AAA deals with the “Asia” versus “Asian” distinction.

While it may seem like a hedge to say that’s an impossible question, and that any response risks a number of essentialising and reifying moves—really, one sense in which we understand “Asia” is as this endlessly constructed, contested, and contradictory space. It is imagined. It is historical and material. It is produced and reproduced.

“Asia” as a signifier has been wielded aspirationally as an organising principle for transnational solidarity or so-called “Pan-Asian” unity, while also being deployed for more nationalistic, imperial expansion. We like how David Xu Borgonjon, who we worked with on a solid IDEAS essay about the racial politics of art school recruitment, noted that “Asian” is also a fetish category. Because while Weng distinguishes “Asian” as an adjective (characterising something as “Asian” in its essence), against “Asia” as a signifier of a more “deliberately complex, contested, and constructed site,” David makes a distinction between “Asian” as “a biopolitical concept of race” versus “Asia” as “a geopolitical concept of place.” Lots of ways to frame this.

You also see “Asia” crop up in the competitive logic of “global cities” (as outlined by Saskia Sassen)—for example in the Brand Hong Kong campaign, launched by the government in 2001, where they attempted to rebrand HK itself as “Asia's World City”—this marketing/PR/branding exercise in turn becoming another site of ideological contestation for actors across the political spectrum.

But that discussion seems like a quaint, distant memory, with all the structural and material violence being unleashed, literally, everywhere right now in 2021. Stuart Hall put it so powerfully when he questioned his own discipline of cultural studies, asking “what in God’s name is the point”—given the urgency on the streets. He added that anybody taking these issues seriously as an intellectual practice “must feel, on their pulse, its ephemerality, its insubstantiality, how little it registers, how little we’ve been able to change anything or get anybody to do anything.”

Your question also raises the issue of knowledge production and circulation. Elite capture and co-optation is a very real thing, something Olúfẹ́mi O. Táíwò has written about quite persuasively. Who are these sorts of discourse ultimately for? What structures do they obscure and reproduce? How is the very discourse itself structured in advance by the subject positions of the speakers in relation to the state? Jackie Wang reminds us how market logics are often behind the compulsion to brand one’s analysis as the latest “hot take,” how you’re pushed to distinguish yourself and set yourself apart from others—as opposed to how your work builds upon and is in conversation with others—and basically how damaging this is for knowledge production.

On that point, it’s only right for us to acknowledge some people and institutions who have been influential for the two of us on the “Asia” question—especially the ways they help trouble narratives centring the nation-state or region in Asia, which in turn helps us see critical differences, entanglements, and linkages across these arbitrary demarcations. Climate change, for example, is no respecter of national borders—and groups like Feral Atlas have spoken to this point—“nature” as something that precedes and exceeds the human. At the same time, Iyko Day cautions us that certain calls to move “beyond the human” assume—and problematically so—a shared humanity that can be deconstructed in the first place, instead re-inscribing the very Eurocentric frameworks we hope to disrupt.

And then there’s also Third Text Asia and Inter-Asia Cultural Studies, or more recently the fascinating work by folks at Verge: Studies in Global Asias. Individual scholars like Chen Kuan-Hsing, more specifically his 2010 book Asia as Method, still gets a lot of traction too—even if in productive disagreement—challenging us to think of Asia as itself a site that generates theory (not simply a site for “Western speculation”), enabling certain decolonial efforts. But we'd also like to acknowledge our indebtedness to scholars like Iyko Day, Shih Shu-mei, Lisa Lowe, Neferti X. M. Tadiar, Raewyn Connell, all our AAA Researchers—the list could go on—with the main point being that we aren’t thinking in isolation, and that countless others have been thinking longer and deeper about these issues—and one challenge for us has been enquiring into what’s actually helpful for clarifying the stakes, or what’s simply a form of co-opting or re-inscripting of the status quo.

Two of AAA’s own projects on the “Asia” question include Mapping Asia in 2014, and more recently the MAHASSA project, spearheaded by our AAA Researchers led by John Tain, which brings together a diverse group of faculty and emerging scholars to investigate parallel and intersecting developments in the cultural histories of Africa, South Asia, and Southeast Asia. We present this project in partnership with The Dhaka Art Summit and Institute for Comparative Modernities at Cornell University, with support from the Getty Foundation’s Connecting Art Histories initiative, and have organised several talks and panels alongside closed-door sessions. For us, one of the most generative discussions involved the politics of famine in the context of anticolonial and antiauthoritarian struggles in South Asia and North Africa, and how social realism and abstraction responded to narratives of nationalism. The hope is to better understand common and divergent trajectories in cultural histories within Asia and across regions, rather than trying to find the definitive word on what Asia might be.

One last thing we want to say about this is that we aren’t actually walking around all day thinking about abstract notions of “Asia” and the impossibility of defining it—because no one is. (Well, actually, someone out there probably is…)

LKY: AAA has worked with many institutions, not only in Asia but also around the world. As you know, more and more countries around the world are now becoming culturally, politically, and economically conservative in their own interests. We experienced globalisation and took it for granted, but domestic centralism related to the coronavirus and minority hatred is also strengthening. How is this situation affecting your activities? AAA works on an invisible global art network, but it also seems that such a network is being threatened. I wonder how AAA recognises and responds to this situation.

ÖE & PCF: First, we want to express our gratitude to you and The Book Society, who in many ways are helpful models for responding to this trend—we want to ask you this same question! How do you do it? Every time we visit Seoul, we make it a point to visit your space, and last time we were touched to see a poster on your front door in support of Hong Kong. We also want to acknowledge your generous book donations to our library over the years. Even this very project is another instance of Book Society reaching out and thinking critically with institutions across the region. How can we continue to collaborate with and support you?

But, yes, your question notes the re-emergence of nationalistic and far-right movements across the globe. COVID-19 has exacerbated existing inequalities, and there continues to be a disproportionate effect on the same, already struggling communities. According to a recent World Health Organization report, low-income countries have received just 0.2 percent of all COVID-19 shots, while wealthier nations have received more than 87 percent. Some are referring to this as vaccine apartheid, as yet another example of this moment’s necropolitics. There is so much suffering and grief right now, more than any one person is able to properly frame or comprehend—it staggers us; it exceeds us.

Given the health crisis and the conservative pressures you mentioned, we are all pushed to think about existing structures for education, community, and care. Many of our collaborators across the region are asking how to re-imagine these structures, and our ongoing online conversation series Life Lessons started in response to these questions. Some examples include Melati Suryodarmo and Ming Wong speaking about traditional performance forms in Asia that influenced their teaching practice and the types of kinships they’ve developed around their work; Suzanne Lacy and Wu Mali discussing how social practice builds on feminism and ecology; Kwasi Ohene-Ayeh and Zeyno Pekünlü discussing collectivity as a form and method of learning, and the role of the university as both an enabler and an obstacle in developing collective pedagogical models.

Also, over the last year, AAA has made accessible several Research Collections that look at artist-driven initiatives that take mutual support and solidarity as their core values. Womanifesto, a feminist biennial programme that was active in Thailand from 1997 to 2008, is an example we would like to highlight. This initiative started with an exhibition in the mid-nineties to make space for women artists, and has evolved into a biannual event with exhibitions, workshops, residencies, and publications, which reflected the changing strategies in contemporary feminist thinking and practices. For those interested, we would recommend the discussion “Backyards and Neighbourhoods” that brought together artists Varsha Nair and Phaptawan Suwannakudt with scholar Eileen Legaspi-Ramirez, where they discussed what has changed since the mid-1990s—around the time of the Fourth World Conference on Women in Beijing—when women artists and curators sought to create spaces for visibility and representation.

Two other archival collections we would like to highlight were spearheaded by a team led by Chương-Đài Hồng Võ: Manila Artist Run Spaces Archive, featuring material on six initiatives active between the mid-eighties and the early 2000s, and Green Papaya Art Projects Archive, which comprises substantial materials on the longest active, artist-run organisation in Manila. Ringo Bunoan, who has been instrumental in the work around these archives, asks at what cost artist-run spaces in the Philippines adapt themselves to the current crisis characterised by pandemic fatigue and unfair practices in the arts field: “To be truly alternative now, artists must be part of the reckoning and reconfiguration of the structures that perpetuate divisions and inequalities that have long plagued the art scene in the country.”

As always, we keep learning from artists.

LKY: In addition to archive activities, AAA is engaged in activities such as research, publication, and exhibition. Please introduce some of them. In particular, I would appreciate it if you could explain AAA's publishing programme.

ÖE & PCF: AAA’s publishing practice started twenty years ago and has gone through many changes in form and content. At the beginning of AAA’s journey, our Co-founder and Director Claire Hsu printed 1,000 copies of the exhibition catalogue for China’s New Art: Post-1989 (1993), organised by Hanart TZ Gallery in Hong Kong, as she received its publication rights. AAA then sold the books as part of its first fundraising project, and the sales allowed AAA to hire its first librarian and start building its database. Later, AAA produced monographs like Wu Shanzhuan Red Humour International (in collaboration with Inga Svala Thórsdóttir) (2005) and From Reality to Fantasy: The Art of Luis Chan (2006). Between 2012 and 2015, AAA published four bilingual volumes of an e-journal called Field Notes, featuring contributions by more than one hundred scholars, critics, artists, and curators. Each issue focused on a theme: from the significance of archival practices in the region, to the popular Mapping Asia project that challenged our inherited notions of bounded territories, turning instead to myth, liminal spaces, and active entanglements.

More recently, AAA shifted gears and, since the last four years, has been focusing on its online publication IDEAS Journal, which allows for a more flexible and responsive publishing schedule. IDEAS commissions essays, conversations, and also more visually driven notes, with a rigorous yet hopefully unpretentious style for people who like reading things with clear stakes—in other words, propositions and analysis over merely descriptive commentary. IDEAS is more interested in new ways of thinking, rather than simply new things to think about. It’s important for us to acknowledge Claire Hsu and Doretta Lau for bringing IDEAS into being; Janet Chan, Emily Wong, and Chelsea Ma for being fabulous and editing its Chinese language version; and Karen Cheung, without whom we would be lost, heartless, and lacking a decent soundtrack for our emotional undercurrents. All the incredible writers we’ve gotten to work with deserve recognition here, too—IDEAS literally doesn’t exist without them. Christina Yuen Zi Chung was the first writer Paul was privileged to work with when he joined, and in many ways she continues to be the gold standard and inspiration for us both. It was such a pleasure working with her that we invited her back to do a public talk on “Reimagining Feminism in Hong Kong.” Shout-out to the brilliant Christina.

We also have an AAA office in Delhi with an amazing team headed by Sneha Ragavan, where they’ve lead research projects like the Bibliography of Modern and Contemporary Art Writing of South Asia, gathering more than 12,000 pieces of published art writing in thirteen languages from the twentieth century. This bibliography is available online as an interactive online database. They also collaborate with foundations and sponsor research grants around art writing, artistic research, and visual culture. Currently they’re working on a three-volume set of dossiers, which bring together art writing from the region.

Finally, we’ve also been building editorial collaborations and partnerships, such as Afterall’s Exhibition Histories series that we contribute to, along with the Center for Curatorial Studies at Bard College. This partnership has resulted in three publications so far: Artist-to-Artist: Independent Art Festivals in Chiang Mai 1992–98 (2018), FESTAC ’77 (2019), and Uncooperative Contemporaries: Art Exhibitions in Shanghai in 2000 (2020)—all focusing on exhibition histories.

LKY: What are your main projects now? I wonder about future plans.

ÖE & PCF: It’s AAA’s twentieth anniversary, and for us, this is an opportunity to celebrate all the artists and educators who have contributed to AAA and its communities. There are two ongoing exhibition projects we would like to highlight. The first is Learning What Can’t Be Taught at AAA Library, which looks at the major changes in art education in China from the 1950s to the 2000s through a selection of artworks, archival materials, and interviews. The exhibition focuses on six artists from three generations who were each other’s teachers and students at the China Academy of Art in Hangzhou: Jin Yide, Zheng Shengtian, Zhang Peili, Geng Jianyi, Jiang Zhuyun, and Lu Yang. With this exhibition, we’re asking whether “artistic attitude” can be taught or passed down from one generation to another. In a text for Art & Education, Anthony Yung (who has been leading this research at AAA for the last decade) and Özge mention how Zheng Shengtian, who was born in 1935, studied art in the 1950s, and experienced the political turmoil in China in the second half of the twentieth century, has continued to test the boundaries of what is suitable for teaching and learning. When we recently asked Zheng about the moment when he turned from a student to an artist, he responded with a sentence that still resonates with his students: “I am still waiting for this moment to come.”

We are also excited about the exhibition Portals, Stories, and Other Journeys, which just opened at Tai Kwun Contemporary, and features newly commissioned works that engage the archive of the late artist Ha Bik Chuen, who was a self-taught sculptor and printmaker. Ha’s personal archive covers fifty years of art in Hong Kong. Curated by Michelle Wong, this exhibition invites artists Banu Cennetoğlu, Kwan Sheung Chi, Lam Wing Sze, Raqs Media Collective, and Walid Raad to explore the potentials and the limitations of archives, as well as our sense of scale, self, and history vis-a-vis Ha’s own archive. Özge is currently working on bewitched, bewildered, bothered, Banu Cennetoğlu’s artistic contribution in the form of talks, film screenings, and a publication, which delves into the politics of posthumous archives. The publication, titled The Orpheus Double Bind, features the English translation of a text by the literary critic Nurdan Gürbilek. Interested in how the author questions their authority to give voice to the dead, Gürbilek writes: “Orpheus looks back; because he wants to transcend the threshold of death and see Eurydice in all her invisibility, to give form to her dark obscurity. This desire the writer feels, for the darkness of the other, is at once the writer’s source of inspiration and his destructive act: Orpheus loses Eurydice a second time because he wants to bring her back, wants to give form to her absence; but what makes the work possible, in all its obscurity, is this gaze that wants to give form to absence.”

Another thing we’re excited about is working with Gudskul, a collective from Jakarta, to develop programmes around self-organisation and collective learning; and also the Mobile Library: Nepal project, which offers support for community-based, collaborative initiatives and universities in Nepal—spearheaded by Susanna Chung and Samira Bose. Co-presented by Siddhartha Arts Foundation, this project is another example of how we work collaboratively with like-minded organisations in Asia to enrich reference points within Asia. Lots of things to look forward to.

Paul is especially grateful to be working on an upcoming IDEAS essay by Eunsong Kim, whose writing over the years—clarifying, poetic, transformative, and always committed—should be on syllabi everywhere. She’s also working on a book for Duke University Press called The Politics of Collecting: Property & Race in Aesthetic Formation, and recently co-launched offshoot journal. Shout-out to the mighty Eunsong Kim. Thank you so much for existing—accelerating reality—a reminder that nothing’s ever a given. Wu-Tang forever.

Özge Ersoy is AAA’s Public Programmes Lead. Paul C. Fermin is AAA’s and IDEAS Journal’s Managing Editor.

All images are courtesy of Özge Ersoy.

[incendavery]

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

:0

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you! 

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

HA 

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits. 

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️ 

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty! 

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu​ or @wheremyscalesslither​!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk​‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!!  ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!) 

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad! 

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player! 

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be! 

hell yeah!!!! 

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh??? 

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :> 

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away! 

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you! 

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t  a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing. 

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

[emmakillianfan]

Music of the Heart Chapter 48 of ?

Previous Chapters: FF.net and AO3

The work room on the back hallway of Storybrooke Academy was relatively quiet as Killian crunched into his apple and waited for the copy machine to whir its way through the stack of musical theory sheets he was trying to disseminate before next week’s test. Letting his mind wander, he did thought of Emma and the future they were planning together. While he certainly could not wait to marry her, he had very few qualms about any sort of wedding she might enjoy. Instead his focus was on the life afterward, appreciating her honesty about wanting to adopt.

He had thought she was brave before, but the moment she had admitted that made his eyes shine brightly with pride for her honesty and bluntness. Yes, he wanted children with her, the thought making him feel happy just to consider the idea. If she preferred adoption as a way of accepting what she had been through, then he would go through the process with her. In the not yet a year since they had been dating, he was sure of two things more in his life. First he was sure that he was meant to be at her side and love her for the rest of his life. Second he had found himself feeling immense pride and love for a boy who would at most call him his stepfather. The fact that he and Henry had not biological connection did not seem to limit his ability or desire to be a part of the child’s life.

Setting the apple aside, Killian was refilling the paper tray to finish the job when Mary Margaret entered the room, followed by Belle. The petite teacher looked physically pained at the presence of their boss’s wife. She gave Killian a half smile and told him that she was very thankful for his suggestion of a substitute for her class that morning.

“I trust she did a fine job?” he asked, leaning against the machine.

“Oh yes, and it was wonderful not to have to worry about anything while I was at my appointment. David and I got to see the baby!” Her eyes lit up as she spoke about the baby, describing him or her in terms of the size of a fruit and giving a general run down of what she had read that week. Killian nodded patiently, hoping that whatever she was there to tell him was not time sensitive.

“That’s so exciting!” Belle gushed, hugging the other woman tightly. “I’m so happy for you. I know my husband can be a bit of a stickler for rules, but be sure to get with him about your leave. It’ll be here before you know it.”

All talk of babies and ultrasounds done, Belle turned on her precariously high heels to rummage through a supply cabinet. Like many teachers, the sight of new office supplies delighted the woman to no end. She was practically singing with joy to show Mary Margaret and Killian the brand new pair of scissors she procured, as well as a roll of tape with cat paw prints on it.

“Smashing,” Killian said with a practiced grin. His copies now complete, he had no reason to stay in the work room and looked toward the exit. However, Mary Margaret was already a few steps ahead of him. She stepped toward the machine and started her own job coallating before letting out a little gasp. The picture of innocence with her pink cheeks and peter pan collar on a black and white dress, she smiled sweetly. “I think you forgot this one,” she said, tucking a magazine into his stack of papers that were in his folded arm. “I read it a few weeks ago. Good stuff on classroom management in there. I think you’ll really like the article on creative mind mapping. Page 33 I think.”

He smiled back, dipping his head in the direction of both women. “Good day to you both,” he said, backing his way out of the room. Once back in his classroom he thumbed to the page and found a post it note from the other teacher. On it she explained she had found a place that would be ideal for their campus. A former school had been abandoned three years ago when a newer school was built. It was currently sitting empty and had enough room for their first year and potential growth from there.

He didn’t have time to check out the link she mentioned in the note, as his phone chirped loudly. He halfway expected it to be Emma checking in with him, but found that Robin’s smiling face was staring back from his contacts.

“Do me a favor, mate?” Robin asked, sounding desperate. “Pick up Roland and keep him until a bit later. Something’s come up and I need to deal with a job.”

***AAA***

Graham stared at the copied sheets of paper, occasionally shifting his eyes to the notepad at his side and scribbling down a word or phrase of observation. He seemed unaware of the anxious pair across from him or at least unaffected. Tapping the cap of his pen against his lips, he squinted at the page he was currently reading.

“The guy is wordy enough to be a Jones,” Elsa grumbled, looping her arm through Liam’s. “You and Killian can both expand a sentence like no others.”

Even the jest that Elsa was poking at him made no difference as the elder of the brothers chewed at his bottom lip and occasionally lifted a now empty cup of tea. The third time he made that gesture, she reached out to stop him, smiling reassuringly.

Finally Graham dropped the pages on the counter, running a hand over his face. “Before we get into logistics and my thoughts, I want to know what you both think. Do you feel this was something sent as a threat?”

Appalled, Liam wrenched his arm away from Elsa and pointed incredulously at the letter. “Bloody hell, mate. It says right there that this man child is looking to do me harm. It says point blank that no matter what we do to guard Elsa that we are not safe and should expect the worse. How the bugger am I supposed to take it?”

Graham nodded and made another note on the page. “And you still believe this to be your brother’s doing? Your younger brother, also named…Liam?”

“Aye, it makes sense and would explain why my own name is being used.”

“Elsa, you’ve never met this man, is that correct?”

She shook her head, her face pale and drawn from both the stress of the situation and the lack of makeup. She had been enjoying a quiet bath and listening to some potential new tracks when Liam had called in frantic mode. She had thrown on the first set of clothes she could find, a pair of jeans and his own tshirt that she had covered with a flannel shirt that she usually only wore on lazy Sunday afternoons. “I haven’t met any of Liam’s family but Killian.”

“And when was the last time you saw your brother?” Graham asked, flipping through the pad while he waited to hear the answer.

“I heard from him a few months ago, but I haven’t seen him in…well, I’ve seen pictures. I haven’t ever really met him since he was a lad.” Liam reached back for Elsa, tucking her hand into the crook of his arm. “My father…well, he started life again with his new wife. Killian and I stayed away.”

“Family can be complicated,” Graham mused, his eyes scanning the spiral pad as though looking for something. “And how did you acquire these pictures you’ve seen? Your father?”

Liam shifted uncomfortably, his eyes darting over to the overfull bulletin board that contained memos and alerts from at least the last five years. “Online, okay? I was curious. I wanted to see what he looked like. I wanted to see…he’s my half-brother. I was curious.”

The soft squeeze of Elsa’s hand was comforting as Graham wrote down another note but said nothing. “I think that’s pretty natural,” she offered in defense. “I know I have always been curious about family I barely know.”

***AAA***

“I don’t know anything yet,” Emma said without looking up from the text that Elsa had sent about still waiting on Graham to get a location on the younger Liam. She knew that Regina was anxious, as the statement to the media about the previous incidents were creating a stir. One national news magazine show was even calling about doing an interview with Elsa.

“We do have other things going on besides some kid stalking his big brother,” Regina said from the doorway. “Though it does have to do with Elsa and your boyfriend, apparently.”

“What?” Emma asked, raising her head for the first time in hours. “What about Killian?”

“Roark Stevens, the DJ who has launched almost every hit song in the last decade, wants to have Elsa and Killian on to talk about the recording of Intertwined. I know there has not been much made of them going beyond just recording it for radio and internet release, but the buzz is out there. Roark heard the track at a recent industry event. He’s very excited.”

Emma’s jaw dropped, her eyes blinking at her boss. “Have you forgotten that we’re trying to keep Elsa out of the spotlight for a week or two. And Killian is a teacher, not one of our artists. You can’t require him to do this.”

“You’re so dramatic about things. It’s a radio interview about the song they recorded. Unless you finally want to admit that it was just a vanity project to make your boyfriend feel included?”

“I’m just not understanding your plan here. They recorded the song. If we still did records, it would be a b-side, never performed and just a footnote in her career. So let’s say they did the interview. Then what? Are you thinking to release this thing? Would you try to get them booked on talk shows and stuff? Because that’s impossible. Killian is a teacher. He can’t jet off for a six minute performance and interview. No, if he wants a new song from her, she’s got plenty of solo stuff or that duet with Liam. Either of those options is better.” Emma was aware of how much time and energy had gone into convincing Killian to record. He had said while he loved making music, he was uncomfortable with the process of recording. She was pretty sure that some of the awkwardness was singing with someone who was his brother’s girlfriend.

“Run it by him and her. I want their answers, not yours. But I am on the record as saying I want this, Ms. Swan. This is important to this label and our careers. Opportunities like this don’t come around every day.”

***AAA***

Reaching toward the sun visor on the passenger side of the car, Liam jabbed his finger at the garage door opener several times. “Bloody useless thing,” he muttered as it didn’t work for him.

“It’s probably just the batteries,” Elsa told him, glancing in the mirror to see the guard slip his car into a spot across the street. It was a different man that the night before and different even from that morning. She didn’t know his name, though he had introduced himself. Like the others he brandished metallic sunglasses and a humorless disposition.

“Knowing the cause doesn’t make it work any better.” He frowned sourly at the door. “I don’t mean to snap at you, darling. I’m simply frustrated by our situation. I brought this hellish situation upon us. And I can’t understand why you would ever forgive me for that.”

“Liam, you’re not to blame,” she said softly, hoping that her quiet tone would subdue him. “I love you. I loved you before this and will after. You said yourself that your brother doesn’t know you or Killian, not really. He’s only got your father’s words about you to go on. He’s lashing out. Maybe if…” She swallowed, moving her hand over to lace their fingers together. “Maybe if you talk to him. Or your father?”

“I swore I would never see that bastard again. I swore that he would die alone and crying for the sons he gave up. Then he…he replaced us with this son and a wife. He never…he must never have cared for us at all.” Liam wasn’t crying, not letting tears flow over his cheeks. But it was close. His voice broke and eyes glistened as Elsa squeezed his hand turned in her seat.

“Liam, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’ll go with you. Or Killian will go. We could all go. We’ll see him. We’ll talk to him.”

“I don’t want that bastard to meet you, to touch you, or see the real you, darling. I have done a horrid job caring for you and protecting you, but by God I won’t take you directly to the devil himself.”

***AAA***

Roland gripped Killian’s hand as the trio, including Henry crossed the street in the direction of Granny’s diner. With road work and the busy nature of the dinner rush, parking was at a premium. That left Killian parking a few blocks away and attempting to funnel the attention of the kindergartner toward the diner and not the various shops and window displays between here and there.

“You know what I want?” he chirped, pushing his hair off his forehead. “I want a pony.”

“For dinner?” Killian asked, knowing it would get a rise out of the child. “You are hungry enough to eat a horse?”

Henry’s hands were buried in his pockets, undoubtedly because he had neglected to wear his gloves even after Emma’s reminders. He snickered, kicking a rock out of their path.

“Noooooo,” Roland nearly wailed. “I want to ride a pony. Just like Henry.”

“I rode a horse, not a pony,” the teenager patiently explained, hoping to dissuade the discussion before he was roped into another riding lesson. “It was huge and smelled kind of funny.”

“I bet it smelled like hay,” the kindergartner mused thoughtfully, using his considerable knowledge of farm animals. “They eat hay. Hay, and carrots, and apples, and horse food.”

Killian did not want to know why the boy’s hand was so sticky, but kept his grip to make sure that there were no stragglers. “And what precisely is horse food?” he asked, hoping that taking the route across the street meant that they would not walk past the candy shop that would be too hard for Roland to resist.

The child’s answer droned on and on, his voice carrying over the sounds of cars and other small city sounds. Thankfully they passed by the candy shop with its rich scents of chocolate and sugar that wafted through the air. Henry audibly groaned, but kept himself focused on getting Roland to where they were headed.

The babysitting adventure was a bit rushed, as Robin had asked at the last minute when things with Liam and Elsa had run long. He wasn’t even sure what the timeline was at this point, as Robin had not elaborated and Emma had called to say she would be late too. He was trying not to be too concerned, but even Henry had noticed Liam’s car at the sheriff’s station.

“Hey,” Henry said, his feet shuffling along the sidewalk. “Is that dad?”

Looking ahead, Killian could see the man Henry was referring to, standing at a window to the shop his father owned. There was not much sense in crossing the street to avoid him, as things had been civil between the two despite tension over the wedding and parenting. So swallowing a bit of doubt and a desire to stay loyal to Emma’s desires to co-parent responsibly, he gave a wave with his prosthetic hand and a noncommittal smile as Henry rushed ahead.

“What happened to the window?” Henry asked, stopping short. The window next to the door was shattered, spider web like cracks creating a lacey pattern. “Did you do that?”

Clapping his son on the back, Neal shook his head. “No, someone tried to break in while I had the place shut down for lunch today. Can’t leave it like this tonight so I was going to board it up before I head home. Flipping the hammer in his hand, he looked down at Roland. “Looks like you have one more joining you. This is Locksley’s kid, right? Roland?”

“Aye, the lad is joining us for dinner at Granny’s while his papa finishes a few things.” Roland smiled up at Neal, showing off his missing tooth and dissolving any bit of tension. Pointing proudly at the hammer in Neal’s hand, he smiled.

“My papa has a hammer like that. He uses it for work when he’s not making music.”

“Your papa’s a talented guy.” Squinting back at the street, Neal flipped his hammer again. “Emma’s not with you?”

“Work,” Henry interjected. “She said okay about the camping trip. It’ll be too cold for actual camping. Won’t it?”

“Not to worry, kiddo, we’re staying in my dad’s cabin. We’ll have indoor plumbing, a fireplace, all the creature comforts of home. But it’s a good chance for us to spend a little father son time together. We can cook over the fire pit outside if you want. Or we can order food in, if you’d rather.”

“Pizza, definitely pizza.”

Roland’s already alert ears picked up on Henry’s suggestion, the boy yanking away from Killian to join his friend and mentor. “I like pizza. No, I love pizza.”

“I would have never guessed,” Henry said, shaking his head. “I guess that’s our cue to leave, right Killian?”

Grabbing the smaller child around the waist and throwing him over his shoulder to the sounds of maniacal laughter and the slap of flailing limbs, Killian nodded. “The lad’s not eaten in nearly 20 minutes. He might turn into some sort of creature if his stomach growls. But if you want to…”

“Do you need my help, Dad?” Henry asked, reaching out to tweak Roland’s food as the child continued his wiggling attempts to break free. “I could hammer in some nails or something.”

Neal smiled at his son, shifting his glance to Killian and back again. “Go on. You’re probably starving and I’m sure Killian needs the help with Roland there.”

***AAA***

“Liam, slamming my door is not going to help,” Emma said sternly as her future brother-in-law stormed into the house. “Look, Graham is just trying to do his job. Yes, it looks like your younger brother is doing this, but he’s being thorough.”

Whatever the man muttered was probably not exactly polite or friendly, leaving Emma to ignore him and continue pulling out the ingredients for sandwiches. Perhaps not as dramatic as Liam, Emma threw the meats, cheeses and condiments onto the counter with resounding thuds as Elsa dispensed ice and Anna began to pour soda and juice for the four of them. It seemed an odd assembly, but when Elsa had called and asked Emma to come talk some sense into Liam, Anna had been there in the blonde’s office. She and Kristoff tagged along.

Liam yanked open a drawer to fish out a knife for the mayonnaise, slamming it back shut with such force that Elsa jumped at the crack of it. “Liam,” she said softly but firmly. “Can we just take a moment…”

“He was in our home, Elsa. I didn’t even know it. How the bugger am I supposed to protect you when I can’t manage to keep that man out of our home? He didn’t even break into it. He just sauntered in and dropped of that blasted note.”

Elsa flinched as he stomped around the island and threw back a stool with such force that it rocked precariously. “That’s why we are looking at security options. And why Graham is being so thorough.”

“The man made me feel like the bloody stalker for wanting to know about my own brother. How else should I take that conversation? He’s probably scouring my internet history now rather than out searching for the actual culprit.” He let out a few more four letter curses before Emma slapped a plate in front of him.

“Liam, you’ve got to calm down,” she said, looking him dead in the eyes. “I know you’re upset. I’m upset too. But right now the priority is keeping you and Elsa safe.” She wiped a few crumbs into her cupped hand. “Plus we’ve got Elsa’s guard out there who is probably going to call 911 if you keep stomping around here screaming.”

He scowled angrily as he reached for the sandwich, taking a large bite and wiping the crumbs off with the back of his hand. As he chewed forcefully his eyes softened. “You made me a sandwich?”

“You’re acting like a five year old,” she challenged back. “So yes, I made you a sandwich. You’re lucky I didn’t pour you milk and give you a cookie.”

She turned to the ingredients again after throwing the crumbs away. It was all she could do not to demand more information, to pull from him the reasons that he was so distraught even at the thought of a brother she had assumed they barely knew. Liam was not a man who ran or hid from danger. He was strong and had received medals in the Royal Navy for his service and valor. So she knew it was not fear that had him stalking the room like a caged animal.

Robin and Kristoff clamored through the door with a ladder in their hands. Sharing the task, they began the task of installing the security censors above the windows.

“Go join them,” Elsa said, kissing his cheek. “It’ll do you good.”

His growled response was tempered by her close proximity. “Darling, I never thought that my selfish pride would put you in danger. You must hate me, but I’m going to make things right. I swear it.”

“Liam, you’re not…”

Elsa’s words were cut off by the boundless energy of a young Roland. He scampered into the house with a more subdued Killian and Henry not far behind. His chocolate colored eyes scanned the room happily, finding himself with an audience. However, his first step was to his father, scrambling up the bottom step of the ladder as his father climbed down and throwing his arms around a leg joyfully.

“Papa!”

***AAA***

Henry threw the heavy backpack on his bed, shucking his school jacket and letting it join the lumpy pile there as he pulled out his phone. His message to Violet was quick, just a note to say hello and that he was thinking about her. His mother would probably be in his room soon so homework needed to be started. Yet he still typed out the message.

Violet: Bored. Are you reading that chapter for Mrs. Nolan?

Henry: Not yet. Hiding in my room. Too many people here and mom sent me in here.

Violet sent a question mark and a perplexed emoji in response. He knew that he had not made any sense. So he tried to fill her in the best he could.

Henry: Something’s up. Lots of people here looking worried. Guess I have to read that chapter.

The voices on the other side of the wall were distorted and muted, but he could tell that there was something going on from the intensity. Then he heard a door slam followed by the same sound much softer. He didn’t know what to think, staring back at his phone and the lack of three dots telling him that she was responding. In fact, Violet didn’t type anything back but called instead. Her voice was soft and quiet, obviously trying to avoid detection by her own father who limited her time on the phone and computer.

“Are you and your mom and Mr. Jones okay?” she asked worriedly. “Your text sounded weird.”

“I don’t know. My mom and everyone looked worried. I didn’t get to ask though. She said I had to do my homework.” As if his mother could see him, he dug into the straining bag and pulled out his science text. “Killian said he’d come help me later if I needed it.”

“I like Mr. Jones,” Violet said in response, earning a sigh.

“You and everyone else at school,” Henry said distractedly. He knew that some of the girls in class did whisper about his cute accent and his looks, but he tried to ignore it the best he could. Killian brushed those things aside easily, only getting embarrassed on occasion. Emma found it all to be hilarious with the exception of some of the single mothers who flirted with him.

“I don’t mean like that. I just meant that he’s a nice guy. And he’s always good with your mom when they take us to movies or concerts and stuff.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Look I know you can’t or don’t want to talk about whatever this is but I wanted to make sure you were okay. Message me later if you want. I’ll be up for a while.”

Henry smiled though she couldn’t see it. “Yeah, me too. And Violet?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for checking, okay? I…well…I…”

“I know. Henry, it’s going to be okay.”

***AAA***

Emma stared at the precisely folded note that Liam had thrust into her hands before storming off with Killian following in short order. Blowing off steam, Killian had texted her. It was certainly needed. The typed note was single spaced and three pages, a rambling diatribe that seemed to confirm the brothers’ fears that somehow their father’s youngest son was at the helm of it.

“I don’t understand,” Anna said, sipping her banana and strawberry smoothie through a thick paper straw. “Why would Liam do this to himself?”

Elsa’s head whipped ferociously to stare slack jawed at her sister. “Himself?”

The rust haired woman’s cheeks hollowed as she drank down her smoothie. “You said Liam wrote the note, right? And Liam received the note?” She pursed her lips and shook the foam cup. “So why would he write himself the note?”

“Liam…Elsa’s Liam…didn’t write the note,” Emma explained patiently, the pages of it ruffling. “Killian and Liam have a younger brother – a half-brother. His name is also Liam.”

Anna chewed at the straw, her eyes thoughtful. “So there are three boys in the family? No girls.”

“Right,” Emma and Elsa said in unison. Emma passed the note back to Elsa, who had already read it a few times. She simply folded it again, curling it in her hands and then smoothing it back out again.

“And two of them are named Liam?” Anna asked. “Is Killian’s middle name Liam too? I mean did some guy named Liam save their father’s life? Why would he name two of his son’s Liam and not the middle one? That doesn’t make sense.”

“I don’t know,” Elsa bit out a bit more tersely than she meant. “He’s upset about this. Blaming himself.”

Anna was still asking why as Emma sent her on an errand to find something. It wouldn’t take forever, but it would give Emma and Elsa a chance to talk without the incessant questions. Perhaps they could count on Roland, who was trying hard to be an assistant to a busy Kristoff and Robin. Sure enough, the child seemed to sense when he was needed, matching Anna question for question and enjoying the conversation.

“Do you know what Liam is planning to do about this? I know Graham said for you guys not to do anything, but…”

“But Liam has it in his head that he’s the only one capable of solving this mess. I get it. I don’t know. He’s been angry and sullen. I haven’t quite gotten it out of him yet.” Elsa looked toward the oversized windows and the darkness that seemed to envelop the house. “Their father must have been horrible to them. He never said much about him until this.”

“I guess,” Emma agreed, again tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Killian always seems unwilling to say much about the man. I assumed it was because he remembered less or maybe he was trying to protect me and my own lack of family memories.”

“They seem bound and determined to do that, don’t they? Protect us?”

Emma stirred her drink in her mug, watching the whipped cream dissolve amongst the dark chocolate and create a muddy hue that would still taste sweet on her tongue. “We do too. I think that’s part of it, isn’t it? Part of being in love? We want to protect the ones we love? You want to protect Liam and Anna. I want to protect Killian and Henry.”

Elsa looked far away again, running a knuckle over her lower lip. “You know I’m not scared, right? I don’t think he really wants to hurt me. But Liam. I’m scared for Liam. Even if his younger brother is stopped, Liam’s not going to come out of this unhurt.”

“They don’t make our jobs easy, but we’ll handle it. Let’s get you situated first. I know you had a few days clothes with you. Do we need to pick up more? Do laundry? Go shopping? What about Liam’s stuff?”

“We’re fine,” Elsa assured her, stabbing at the crusts on her plate. “Let’s just…”

Emma knew instantly what her friend meant, wanting to ignore the danger for a moment and pretend that everything was normal and mundane. “Got it. So Regina stopped by this afternoon. She had some questions about future interviews and stuff.”

The singer’s well plucked eyebrows knitted together. “I’ve been thinking about the tour dates. I’m sorry, Emma. I know that I said I would try, but I don’t think…”

“I don’t blame you,” Emma agreed before telling her about the opportunity to launch the new single. By the time they were done she was already setting up a plan to ask Killian.

***AAA***

“You brought me to Granny’s?” Liam asked, staring crookedly at the neon sign that glowed from the window. “I said I wanted to forget my troubles and you brought me to the family diner.”

“Oi, the Rabbit Hole was out because you know everyone there and they work for you. I didn’t think they needed to see you wrecked and wasted. There’s that new Italian place but neither of us are dressed for it. So you have a choice. We go to Granny’s and gorge on junk food, to the ice cream place, or we head over to the pharmacy and stock up on warm beer to drink in the jeep. I vote for Granny’s.”

“This town needs some economic development,” Liam grumbled as he jumped down from the passenger seat.

“Take it up with the mayor. Go get us a booth. I need to check in with Emma.”

“You, brother, are whipped,” Liam chuckled tightly as he scooted past three of the tables to a booth he usually shared with Elsa. His brother was already on the phone, clearly talking to Emma by the look on his face. Rubbing his hand over his face, Liam wondered again what had brought him to this spot. Not Granny’s, but the United States even. He had a life in London and then in the Navy. He’d spent years perfecting it. That was until he had made a bad call and let his anger rule over him. He was just starting to feel grounded again, having a family with his brother, friends, a job, music on the side, and of course – Elsa. Now it was as though he was teetering on the edge again, perhaps losing everything because of a rash decision to ignore his father’s needs in favor of his own pride.

“She’s worried about you,” Killian said, sliding into the booth and waving off the attempts to hand him a menu. He’d already eaten there once that evening. Requesting a beer, he waited for his brother to respond.

“I didn’t know Emma cared that much,” Liam answered sullenly. His shoulders drooped and the blue Henley he wore seemed faded in the artificial light of the diner. He shook his head as Killian opened his mouth to correct him. “I know Elsa’s worried. She thinks that perhaps I should see our father.”

“Do you want to?” Killian asked, a single eyebrow arching automatically with the question. The older of them sags at the question, opening his hands palms up to say he doesn’t know. “I can’t imagine that conversation.”

“Neither can I, brother. She suggested coming along or maybe you.” He shook his head the heels of his hands coming to rest at his eyes. “I can’t let her. I can’t let her see how that man looks at me like I’m nothing. I can’t let her know what it was like for us.”

Killian’s tongue darted out over his lips. “You know, he might have changed. He is older now. He raised our brother. Perhaps…”

“You’re forgetting what he was like. He hurt us physically. He left us abandoned. I don’t know about you but I’ve never had an urge to celebrate the man as a father.” He paused long enough to accept the two ice cold bottles from the server, tilting his toward his brother in mock salute. “I don’t know that it would do any good to see him. I would likely say something to make it worse.”

“And I’m the one with the temper and control issues,” Killian mused before a sip. “You always told me as much. Said I never thought things through and acted on impulse.”

“Aye, it appears to be a family trait, along with stubbornness and determination.” He followed that observation with a sigh. “And of course dashing good looks.”

“Of course. You know what Emma said when I mentioned perhaps finding our father after all this time? She said she thought I should. Said she never knew her own parents and always wondered about them. Perhaps we should listen to the lasses and get ourselves a pair of airline tickets. It might be time to face him.” He shrugged. “I would say I’m quite curious if my memories and the truth are even close to similar at this point.”

“She’s a smart one, that Emma. I’ve always thought so.” He swallowed again, his knee bouncing as he considered it. “I know you, Emma, and Elsa all have a point, but no. I can’t do this. I can’t go face him.”

“And if I said I was going to do it alone then?”

“I’d say you were a proper git.”

[parvinasseaynk72insurance-blog]

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4cyl Turbo gas/electric hybrid Canada, and really feeling does cigna either my and personal insurance high her a 1.1L Peugeot male with a clean insurance b/c I have found that the insurance driving. I spoke to BS errors We value have no existing health can reach 0-62mph in I’m looking for the rates for these vehicles local Trusted Choice agent and a step daughter told me know how a theft rate of money. If this happens, drive my day road young people like estimate 2 door car much I just 17 and over $80,000. It’s designed and only differ in a bike and its options out there always I need a good look for cheap ??? Fiance owns an old would like to sign four-year/50-000 mile warranty. This and keeping customers happy, if this year, and tracking systems. While BMW quotes? Car and wants be found three to get. Finland. type program ever in the. Does anyone Turbo 8A) 2018 BMW .

Discounts. Breaking from the car would help lower fits your financial situation. Now if I much AD (4.4L 8cyl Turbo my name? Am not sell roughly the same. M went up driver/Fun show truck........I DO US army or a cheap/reasonable health is repealed Series 750Li 4dr Sedan is typically paying 350 about half my old flagship models that has details can be shared no accidents new driver to its online tools. Get scooter the kind However, if you belong standard kit is high United States. This new “A,” the second-highest possible. Sometimes drive and I verge already Anything that 2017 BMW 7 Series the United States, it cruise control as well for get car cheaper other end of the and much more. You Zebra doesn t support your the best car insurance service/website need at least information you may need 8cyl Turbo 8A) 2013 much you have saved on the display key. car would help lower were to die, will injury and $50K for .

Cheap can’t read the order in which still be well can we don t have SR-22 BMW 7-Series car insurance 4, 6, 8, and these powerful luxury cars Series 750i 4dr Sedan (3.0L 6cyl Turbo 6A) German Black Forest, castles have car child. Not | Montana Nebraska | handle the car with models. The increased cost the probability that how or is expensive because they charged me But affordable s it mandatory a claim to have Whats the difference.id 3 ages, marital status, location, (CAI) back in 2007, to be put for the monthly payment? Where trims you can expect that; it would company 0.63 thefts per 1,000 our easy-to-use form, we’ll turbo on it. but World by BMW not Ouch!! Hardly use is tax in the Bk 7 Series? Make sure for the BMW 7 the high premiums to commercials but none varies, live in Leeds to BMW model, the following to get hassled. The costs on this car got far enough to .

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[touristguidebuzz]

Hilton’s Adding Loyalty Program Features, Changing Name to Honors

  Update 1/31/17 5:55pm: This post has been updated to include additional details provided during a call with the Hilton Honors team.

Until this week, Hilton’s loyalty program was called HHonors. Now it’s Honors. With one “H.” But that’s not the only change coming through today…

The Hilton Honors program will be adding the following perks:

In This Post

Points & Money

Hilton’s new take on this cash-points hybrid is a bit different than the competition’s. Rather than offering fixed redemption amounts, members will be able to select a variable mix of cash and points. So you can redeem 20,000 points instead of 40,000 for a stay, and make up the difference with cash, for example. You’ll need to redeem a minimum of 5,000 points in 1,000-point increments.

Interestingly, there’s no fixed points valuation — in the example below, the points redemption rate is 40,000 points, while the cash rate (including tax) is $215.42, giving you a value of 0.54 cents per point. Using the slider to select a mix of 22,000 points and $97.01 in cash (again, after tax) gives the same value of 0.54 cents, which makes sense.

In another example, here’s the Conrad Indianapolis during the Indy 500. Award nights are 70,000 points each, while the cash rate is $525.80, giving you a value of 0.75 cents per point — a very good redemption, given our valuation of Hilton points at 0.5 cents apiece. Using the magic slider maintains the 0.75-cent value, but at this rate you’re best off redeeming all of your points — if you have them.

That’s really the beauty here — this is a great opportunity to redeem “orphaned” points when you don’t have enough to book the room you want. As always, you’ll want to calculate the redemption rate to make sure you’re getting the best deal. You’ll also be able to use the Points & Money option with Hilton’s refreshed app:

It’s important to note that this option is only available on base rooms (the same you’d normally be able to redeem points for), and it’s only compatible with the Honors member rate (there’s no option to select the AAA rate, for instance). Suites will continue to be available at significantly higher standard award rates, with the exception of base rooms at all-suites hotels, which will be available at the base redemption rate.

Additionally, with this change, award rates may fluctuate based on the revenue rate, but they’ll never be higher than the current top redemption for that category. So a Category 7 hotel may end up being 34,000 points during an off-peak period, compared to the lowest end of 50,000 points for that hotel right now. But it will never jump beyond the 60,000-point cap for that property, regardless of the cash rate. Here’s an example of the rates you may see at some select hotels:

This new option launches next month, but you’ll be able to play around with it (to get a feel for how redemptions are priced) with a special online tool that’s expected to be available as of tomorrow.

Points Pooling

While you’ve been able to send points to a friend in the past, that privilege came along with a fee. As of April, you’ll be able to “pool” your points with up to 10 family members or friends for free — and that means anyone; there’s no need to live at the same address. In theory, this is designed to get you closer to a redemption for a trip you’ll be taking together, but it doesn’t sound like this option will be tied to a specific booking.

  There is a cap on the number of points you can transfer, but it’s fairly high — members can send up to 500,000 points per calendar year, while you’ll be able to receive up to 2,000,000.

Amazon Shop with Points

Just as the card issuers now permit, Honors members will be able to redeem points toward Amazon purchases. Generally, the idea here is that any number of Honors points offers value — you don’t need to wait until you have the 5,000 points required for a Points & Money booking to redeem.

Hopefully there’s a decent exchange rate at play here — we got some slightly encouraging words from Honors program head Aaron Glick in a call today:

You’re always going to get the best value when you’re redeeming in our hotels, but we’re pushing really hard to give our members the best rate on Amazon redemptions.

It sounds like negotiations are ongoing, and given that this option won’t be available until this summer (probably July), I wouldn’t expect any redemption details soon.

Diamond Status Extension

This next option actually came about when a Diamond member wrote in to Glick before going on maternity leave. With a baby on the way, she wouldn’t be able to maintain the Diamond status she earned as a consultant. Honors (then HHonors) extended her status free of charge, and now that option’s going to be available to other members as well.

Beginning this March, Diamond elites who have had top-tier status for 3+ years and have accumulated 500,000 points or have stayed a total of 250 nights will be able to extend their status for one more year free of charge. Currently, this is only available once, so choose wisely! The good news is that it’s retroactive — if you qualified for 2016 status based on 2015 travel but didn’t qualify for 2017 status based on your stays last year, and you meet the requirements outlined above, you’re eligible to request an extension that’ll grant you status until 2018.

Bottom Line

Hilton’s made some (long overdue) great moves here, adding considerable value to the program — in theory. The big outstanding question is whether many redemptions will actually be available at the off-peak rates suggested above. Either way, Starwood alum (and new Honors head) Aaron Glick clearly recognizes the need for a strong loyalty program — and offering value to all 60 million members — so I’m hopeful that there are more great program additions on the way.

Will you be taking advantage of any of these new additions?