#wrote it for myself but you're welcome to read it to <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[softguarnere]

Anyways, I was gonna post the new Chiara fic here, but it felt too long, so here's the AO3 link if anyone wants to see the newest shenanigans of loverboy and hatergirl :)

[musings-of-a-rose]

Camping Trip

Pairing: Will Miller x f!reader (nickname Autumn)

Word Count: 3400+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: Listen. I don’t know. I just saw the picture in the upper right of my moodboard and came up with this. Ok fine I wrote the first 3 paragraphs in May and the rest now. Will and I are complicated, ok? Shoutout to @mermaidxatxheart for reading and listening to my ramblings as always!

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

→Tell Tumblr this should be shared with others by reblogging! That's what the algorithm loves (it's how it works here. I don't make the rules!)

**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Will Miller Masterlist

It had been a rough few months, no doubt about that. Somehow, I survived. Made it to the solo camping trip I had been thinking about for months. It's nothing I haven't done before. Even the trails and campsite are familiar. Still, it had been a few years and I was itching to get away from the city and all the noises it pounds into my head.

I head down the backroads, the pine trees growing thicker the further out I get from the city. At first I pass a lot of cars, mostly traveling into the city. But after a while, when the trees are so tall I can't see over them, so thick I can barely see through them, I'm the only car on the road.

I see the sign for the campsite and turn, heading down the dirt path to the small parking lot about a half mile in from the road. There are a couple of other jeeps and trucks here, one of them belonging to the park ranger who sits inside the small welcome center/general store. I head inside to use the bathroom, the last little "luxury" I give myself before spending a week away from everyone.

"Hi mis- Autumn! Haven't seen you for what...3 years?"

I smile at the man behind the counter, giving him a little wave. "Hey Jay! You're still working here? I thought you'd have retired by now." I grab a couple of bags of the beef jerky they have on sale. It's made by a local farmer and I can only get it here.

Jay chuckles. "Next year. Maybe."

"Don't push yourself too hard, Jay."

"Oh! Mary had her baby! Course she's 3 now."

"Oh really? Damn, 3 already?”

Jay looks at me pointedly. “Well that’s what you get for taking so long to come back and visit.”

Before I can answer, the bell on the entrance door jingles out and Jay glances over my shoulder. “Afternoon, sir! Can I help you with anything?”

“Just a trail map, thanks.” His voice is a little raspy, like he hadn’t used it for a while. I turn to point to the map stand but am momentarily frozen. 

This man is gorgeous.

Tall, short blonde hair, slightly longer up top. Military or ex military judging by the cut and the way he holds himself. But his eyes meet mine, slate blue and what was I saying? 

Jay pinches my arm. “Show him the maps, Autumn.”

I force a small chuckle to Jay, quickly pulling my arm from his pinching fingers and walk towards the blonde man and am hit with the scent of pine, leather, and old spice. Normally I would not be into the latter on a man but the way it mixes with his natural scent is going straight to my head. And other places.

“Here,” I somehow manage to walk past him and grab a map from the spinning holder, turning to hand it to him. The man takes it, his eyes twinkling before he gives me a quick wink.

“Thanks, darlin’.” His eyes quickly flick down my body, or maybe I’m imagining it? 

“You check the weather before coming, sir?”

His eyes are on mine still for another moment before he turns to address Jay. “Yeah I did. This isn’t my first time camping.”

Jay nods. “Military?”

The man chuckles. “Vet. Am I that obvious?”

Jay shrugs. “Not exactly. I just know people. Well, as long as you know what you’re in for. Shouldn’t be too bad but just make sure to stay warm. Not sure how long you’ll be here but if ever a blizzard alert comes up, you come right back here, ok? There’s a small cabin out back that’s open to campers 24/7.”

“Thanks.” The man takes his map, declining Jay’s offer of a bag. He glances back over at me. “See you later, darlin’.”

Fuck. Me. “See you!”

It takes me the usual couple of days to make it to my favorite spot, but I breathe a sigh of relief when I break through the trees, the breathtaking view of the mountains and lake spread out before me. It feels like coming home. 

I get to work setting up my camp, fire and tent good to go, my food hanging from a bag in a tree. I managed to find a place with a good fallen log, perfect for sitting on or against and close enough to the fire so I can keep warm. The wind blows through the nettles of the tall pines around me, the cool, misty breeze coating the exposed skin on my face. I take a deep breath in and out. I really missed being here. 

I do turn on my high powered radio to listen to the weather report twice a day, making sure nothing unexpected is coming. There’s something the weathermen are looking at, but they don’t think it’ll be anything. Still, the temps are sure to drop in a couple of days and there may be a bit of snow. I’m prepared for it, but it’s still good to know. 

A couple days later, I’m about a half mile from camp, walking along the trail near the lake. So far, I’ve seen a couple of deer and a ton of birds. I’m stopped, leaning against a tree trunk to take a quick break when I hear the sound of footsteps on the path ahead. I know I’m not the only one camping, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t instantly on alert. Another couple of seconds of hearing the sound and I know it’s human. From around the curve of the path emerges the man from Jay’s, his pack full and looking heavy. He sounds a little winded and had obviously been walking for a bit. I straighten myself and wave to him.

“Hey! Fancy seeing you here!”

The man glances at me and smiles, the same one from the shop. “Hey…Autumn?”

I nod. I tell him my real name. “But Jay’s been calling me Autumn since I first came to this trail.”

“Let me guess. It was during Autumn?”

I chuckle. “Jay is original.”

He comes closer, but stops several feet away, breathing heavier. “I’m Will.”

“Nice to meet you, Will.”

He nods to me. “Same.”

He still doesn’t move. “I don’t bite, you know.”

He cocks his head, confused, but then seems to piece it together. “Oh. Well, I didn’t want to freak you out by invading your space.”

I’m fairly positive if this man wanted to take me down, he could’ve done that, several feet away with a pack on or no. “Thank you. That’s…unexpected. And kind.”

“Don’t other people do that?”

I shake my head. “Not really.”

“Oh. Well they should.”

I shrug. “Maybe….but Will, you can come closer. It’s alright.”

He raises his eyebrows. “You sure?”

“Yeah, why?”

He remains rooted to the spot. “You don’t think I’ll take advantage of you?”

I snort. “I’m fairly positive you could’ve done that already, Mr. Military. Don’t threaten me with a good time.” What the fuck did I just say?

I swear I see the tips of his ears turn pink as he chuckles, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. “A good time it would be.”

He comes closer and I gesture towards my bag which is resting against a log. He takes his own off and sets it beside mine, shrugging and stretching his shoulders a bit. “I really should’ve taken a break before now. Gettin’ old sucks.”

I chuckle, my eyes roaming down his arms, the flannel on his shirt hugging his biceps in all the right ways. 

“You look in great shape to me.” 

His eyes meet mine and we stare at each other for several moments before I blink, shaking my head a little to rid myself of the not at all PG thoughts I was having.

“So…are you trying to make it back to that cabin before the weather moves in?”

Will clears his throat, giving his own head a little shake before crossing his arms across his broad chest. “That was the plan.”

“Have you listened to the weather station today?”

He furrows his brows and I melt. “No, why?”

“The uh..storm? Is moving a little faster than they thought. No way you’ll make it back to Jay’s cabin before it starts to pick up.”

“Shit.” Will sighs, bringing his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I really thought I’d be able to make it but my leg was acting up.” 

I can tell he’s not used to this, needing breaks. He seems like the kind of guy that just pushes through the pain. Until it pushes back.

“Come on. You can stay with me.” I push back from the tree and lean down to get my pack, swinging it up on my back. When I look back up at Will, he’s staring at me, eyes wide.

“What?”

“Did you just invite me to your camp?”

I adjust the straps on my shoulders. “Yeah. Let’s get going so that way we aren’t stuck.”

“You trust me?”

I click the last strap into place across my chest before I look at him. “I thought we established that I do.”

He studies me for a long moment, his eyes moving between mine and I swear he glances down at my lips. “You sure you have the space?”

I shrug. “May be a little bit of a squeeze but temps are dropping anyway. We can always find a way to get warm.” What did I just say?

A small smirk spreads across his beautiful face. “I’m sure we can, darlin’.” He leans down and grabs his own pack, situating it on his back before he gestures to me. “Lead the way.”

Talking to Will is easy, comforting almost. He tells me about his time in the army, Delta Force, and his brothers, including his real life brother Benny. A golden retriever of a man if I ever heard of one. He asks me questions about my life and listens intently, actually interested in what I have to say. Before I know it, we’re back at my camp. Will stops for a moment, staring out over the lake at the mountain behind it and whistles. “You found a hell of a view.”

“Thanks. It took me a couple years to find but now it’s like home.”

Will helps me start a fire and get food cooking, laughter and conversation flows just as easily as before and I find myself gravitating towards him, physically. But he also seems to be scooting closer and closer until our legs are nearly touching. Snowflakes start to fall, coming in faster and thicker.

“We should probably get the sleeping bags set up before it gets hard to see,” Will suggests, his breath puffing out in tendrils in front of him. 

“Good idea.”

Will gets the outside of our little camp ready as the sun starts to dip and night comes. We manage to get in the tent before the snow really starts to come down. It’s a little bigger than a one room tent, but we’re still pretty snug in here now that there’s two of us. And he’s so fucking broad. I shift my sleeping bag over a bit more and Will slides his down next to mine. He looks between our bags and then up at me, his eyebrows pulled together in slight concern.

“What is it?” I ask nervously.

“It’s…nevermind.”

I punch his arm and have to choke back a scream at how firm it is. “Just tell me.”

He chuckles while he dramatically rubs his arm. “Ouch,” he smirks as I roll my eyes. “But we should zip our bags together. For warmth. It’s about to get pretty cold.”

“William Miller. Are you asking to get in my sleeping bag with me?”

He shifts nervously, his ear tips turning red. “No! I uh, that’s not… I mean, it’s basic survival. I didn’t mean.. I don’t want you to think-”

I laugh then, cutting him off. “Chill out, Will. I know how you meant it. You’re a nice guy. I just like watching you blush.”

He rubs at his face. “You’re dangerous.”

“How dare you, good sir. I am a lady.”

He snorts and I swear under his breath he says “I bet you are.”

We get the bags zipped together and slide down in them, trying to leave as much space as we could between us. After several minutes of us shuffling around awkwardly, Will chuckles.

“You wanna be the big spoon or the little one?”

My laughter rings out in the tent joining his, tears streaming down my face at this brilliant tension breaker. “I’ll be little,” I choke out. I turn around, facing my back towards him. I feel him scoot closer and heat instantly rushes through my body, pooling between my thighs. Can he hear how my heart is about to beat from my chest?

“Is this ok?” Will’s breath fans out over my neck, goosebumps erupting in it’s wake. 

“Uh..I uh…y-yeah. All good. Is it uh, close enough? For survival, I mean.”

Will clears his throat. “Uh, well I mean. We should probably be, uh, closer. To stay warm. For survival, of course.”

“Well if it’s for survival, scoot as close as you want.”

He makes a choking sound but shifts closer, his body molding to mine. I can feel his hand hovering, unsure of where to place it. I reach back and take it, gently placing it on my hip, trying to ignore the heat that immediately ignites, flowing down between my legs. The wind blows outside, the tent rustling with it. I shift my hips a little and Will’s grip on my hip tightens, his fingers digging into my skin. And I can feel something else pressing against my ass and I swallow hard.

“You’re going to have to stop moving around, darlin’. Please.” He chokes out the last word, sounding restrained. 

I take a deep breath. “What if I don’t want to?”

His grip tightens even more and I know I’ll bruise if he keeps it up. And I don’t care if I do. 

“I’m trying really hard to be respectful, Autumn.”

I glance over my shoulder at him. “Don’t be respectful then.”

A quiet growl emanates from him. “What are you saying?”

I make sure I have his gaze. “Be disrespectful. If it’s permission you want, you have it.” 

He watches me for a long moment before I feel him shift, his arm that’s not gripping my hip sliding under my neck. He twists his wrist, sliding it down to unbutton my shirt, his hand finding it’s way down my shirt and under my bra, gently swiping his fingers over my nipple. But at the same time, his other hand slowly moves from my hip, pulling my leg up and over his own, his hand gently teasing my skin as he pushes it under my pantline and between my legs, another groan when he feels how wet I am. I gasp as he nips at my shoulder. 

“You’re so fuckin’ wet, Autumn.”

I try to respond, but instead a moan escapes me as his fingers start to play with me, gentle circles with alternating pressure as all my blood rushes between my legs, that fire igniting rather quickly. 

“Will, I’m gonna…” I’m not entirely sure what I say as I come, my leg twitching as my body soars, pleasure radiating out from between my thighs, spreading throughout me.

“Feeling warm?” Will speaks deeply in my ear, nibbling a little on my ear lobe.

I nod, my head flying already. “You didn’t even take my clothes off.”

He chuckles against my neck. “I told you I was respectful.”

Surprising even myself, I reach behind me and grab him over his pants. He grunts but pushes against my hand, no doubt relieving some of the pressure. I turn my head towards him, my lips barely brushing his. “Please, Will.”

His eyes are like a storm at sea, blue and wild, darkening. “Tell me.”

I take his hand and push it between my legs where I was growing wetter by the second as I push my hips back, grinding on him. He grunts in my ear. “You gotta stop doing that or I won’t be able to hold myself.”

My hand, still over his, pushes his fingers towards my entrance, his thick fingers circling me, heat and anticipation swirling around me. “D-don’t hold yourself back. Fuck me, Will. Please,” I’m not above begging at this point, his finger continuing to edge me along. But then he’s pulling his hand out of my pants, trying to sit up but struggling because we’re in a sleeping bag. 

“Take off your clothes before I rip them off.”

That command went straight through me, my fingers moving quickly to take off all my clothes, tossing them out of the sleeping bag. Will does the same on his own, starting his own neater pile outside of the sleeping bag. I lay back down, assuming he’ll want the same position. His fingers skim across my side, watching the goosebumps pimple up. But then he pushes my hip down, turning me on my back as he slides over my body, my legs opening as wide as I can to give him space. He’s heavy, fuck he’s so much bigger than I thought as he presses against my clit, hot and pulsing. His eyes find mine, a dark twinkle in them as he leans down, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. I part them and he slides his tongue inside, the kiss quickly heating up as he starts to move his hips. He slides himself over me, back and forth across my clit, swallowing my moans. My fingers dig at his back, silently begging him for more. The pressure is so intense, so much, that if he doesn’t fuck me now, I may just pop. Or go insane. 

Then Will gently takes my wrists, pinning them on either side of my head. His hips shift and with a confident stride, he pushes into me, my head pressing back into the pillow as I feel the pleasant burn, my body stretching to accept him, all of him. He pulls his hips back and pushes in, this time with a little more force and I feel a jolt through my body as he hits some spot at the back of me. I whine as Will continues to fuck me, slowly but forcefully, heat coursing through me. And then, I snap, crying out his name as I squeeze around him, my entire body lighting up and carrying me away from myself, my release made more intense by being pinned under him, unable to move away from the intense pleasure. 

Will’s breaths are heavy, panting out with restraint, like he’s holding himself back. He kisses me again, hard, nipping at my bottom lip before pulling back and out, but before I have a chance to feel too empty, he somehow flips me on my belly, my boobs pressing into the sleeping bag as he arcs my hips up just enough for him to slide in easily, my body greedily taking him in. He lays on top of me, his arms over mine as he laces his fingers with my hands. The weight of him both on and in me sends heat right back between my legs. He bites at my neck and shoulder as he fucks into me, deeper and harder with every thrust until I’m coming again, screaming his name into my pillow as I feel his hips sputter, Will whining in my ear as he spills inside of me. His body slumps against mine, both of us trying to catch our breath. Eventually, he slides off of me and to my side, turning me and pulling me to his chest. He nuzzles in my hair, wrapping his arms around me again, one massive hand holding a boob.

“Warm enough?” Will whispers in my ear.

“Mmm..” I respond. “You didn’t tell me you could fuck, Will.”

He chuckles and kisses my neck. “I’m restricted by this sleeping bag, darlin’. I did the best I could.”

The whine that escapes me is loud. “I’d love to see that.”

“Well when I’m done with you after this camping trip darlin’, you’re going to need some time to recover. And then I plan on showing you exactly how my fucking is.”

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe

@greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @icanbeyourjedi  

@wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso  

@theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz 

@gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @booksarekindaneat @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox 

@amneris21 @gooddaykate @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed  

@ladykatakuri @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol  

@mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @justreblogginfics @kmc1989 @veryprairieberry 

@mysterious-moonstruck-musings @heartpascalispunk 

[gildedneon]

That Which I Cannot See

That Which I Cannot See - Part 1 - Pure Imagination

Respectfully, you may not use my work, but you are welcome to share it. My work is only intended for those 18 and older as it contains explicit adult themes.

Summary: Basically A Star is Born but make it Sleep Token. A video of you singing Take Me Back to Eden gets attention online and you're invited to sing backup vocals at their next concert. Only, you end up doing a lot more than just that. The first in what will be at least a 3 part series.

Pairing: Vessel x Fem!Reader 

Tags: Hand stuff (for now), mask play, concealed identity play, obscured vision/partial blindfolding, is this a musical now?, shower play with the lights off, monster kink? if you squint?, spiritual cult leader Vessel, dirty talk.

Word Count: 5.4k

A/N: I enjoy candlelit showers while blasting Sleep Token and inspiration struck one day while listening to Take Me Back to Eden. What if? So I wrote it. I have already planned out a part 2 & 3, so fear not, our journey has just begun.

Read on Ao3

Part 2 Part 2.5 (Bonus Scene) Part 3 (coming soon)

-------------

So there I was, doom scrolling Instagram when *ping*

“Sleep_Token: We loved your video” My brows furrow. That can’t actually be their official account. Tapping the notification, I switch to my finsta, where I post anonymous videos of myself singing. I recently shared a clip of an acoustic cover of Take Me Back to Eden that got a decent amount of attention, but I didn’t think it got that much attention. The message thread opens just as another is coming in. 

“Sleep_Token: How would you feel about joining us sometime?” What the hell? 

I click their profile. Blue check mark. Holy shit. Shock has me so caught up I can’t even think of a clever response. Or any response for that matter.

What does ‘joining us' mean? Like for an orgy or going to a show? Because I’m down for both, but I only have tickets for one of those things. At least my brain is still cracking jokes. I stare at my phone and figure out something to say.

“Hi! Thanks! I actually will be at the show this Friday. I can’t wait :)” My heart does a little somersault as I hit send. 

“Sleep_Token: Perfect. Our manager will reach out for details. Bring something black to wear. We’ve got the rest covered!”

What the fuck does that mean? Reaching out for details for what? What is ‘the rest’ and how is it ‘covered’???

*ping*

The DM from the manager comes in. 

On auto-pilot, I go back and forth with the manager. Realization sets in… I’m going to be backstage at the Sleep Token show. I’m going to meet the Espera and sing with them. On stage. At the Sleep Token show. Friday. In less than a week. What the fuck.

Four days… I have four days to perfect my outfit. Immediately, I FaceTime my best friend. She answers on the second ring.

“Callie… you’re never gonna believe this.”

“Alright??… spill bitch”

-------------

My stride lengthens to keep up with the woman leading me through bright lit hallways. The week had flown by in a blur. Now it’s Friday and I’m being led backstage in sweats and a tank. I hadn’t fully wrapped my head around their invitation. But what I really hadn’t wrapped my head around was what had been developing since that night. Once I had gotten off the phone with Callie, I saw I had a DM request from a username I didn’t recognize.

“Hey it’s V” I think my brain had short circuited. It all felt like it came out of nowhere. I guess that’s the thing about change, it doesn’t happen until it just… does. We had started chatting  and it continued throughout the week, getting to know each other a bit, what we enjoy, what we don’t, our favorite colors, and even a bit of flirting. Another strange development in a situation that materialized all too quickly. But it was exciting. It has been a while since I’ve been truly excited about something or …someone. 

I think it helps that we don’t really know each other. Our identities are a secret. It’s sort of like getting to know the contents of a box without getting to know the box, if that makes sense. It’s hard to explain, but I like it. Being myself comes easier this way. There are less distractions.

My guide comes to a stop and knocks on a door. Anticipation grips me as it opens, a woman dressed in black greets us with a smile on her face. 

“Come on in! We’re excited to meet you.” The Espera, or the three female background vocalists, usher me into the dressing room and to a spot in front of the mirror. Their welcoming energy helps quell my buzzing thoughts. We fall into easy conversation as I work on my hair and makeup. The dress I chose is sexy but functional. Thin straps, square neckline dipping in a quick plunge, finished off with a thigh high slit. My hair tumbles around my shoulders and down my back in a lion’s mane of waves. My lips are painted the darkest shade of red, the only real part of my face that will be seen from behind the gold mask that lays on the counter before me.

The Espera give me a crash course in backup vocals. No pressure, just last minute winging it in front of 13,000 people. I still can’t wrap my head around this, even as they help fit the mask to my face. It looks just like theirs, intricate bronze scrollwork curling down my cheeks, leaving only my mouth and jaw exposed. The mesh panels over the eyes allow me to make out shapes and light. So I can see plenty, but it doesn’t feel that way. For me, I might as well be blind. It’s the feeling of being out of control, a vulnerability that leaves me a bit raw and on edge.

A knock raps at the door and my ears grasp at every little sound, attempting to make up for my lack of sight. The women gather as it clicks open. Their blurry forms disappear to the sounds of scuffling shoes. The door closes. My blurred vision watches as a dark figure slowly makes its way across the mirrored space. Fully blind I would know it was him. The magnetism of his presence is threatening to drag me in like the gravity of a blackhole. It’s supermassive…

I hold my breath as he surveys me. It would be a lie to say that I am not intimidated under his gaze. Despite the disguise, the feeling of vulnerability remains.

“This suits you. How does it feel?” He purrs his approval. The tension in my chest eases. 

“Thank you. How does what feel?”

“Your transformation.”

“Transformation? Into what?” My breath hitches, I can see his dark figure looming behind me.

“Your true self.”

“I’m not really sure what you mean by that. As excited as I am, I am also a little nervous.”

“What are you nervous about?”

“I’m not sure if it’s one specific thing. I just don’t know what to expect. I’ve never done this before. I know I’m wearing a mask but it still feels scary to have people actually watching me. This is worlds away from posting anonymous videos online.”

“I can understand. For us, the disguises are about showing the parts of ourselves that do not feel comfortable in our daily lives. Whether that is because we feel they should be hidden or we lack a suitable outlet. So it’s really not a disguise at all, but a revelation. By wearing this mask, I take off the invisible one I wear everyday. I embody the aspects of myself that I wouldn’t otherwise. So ask yourself… What would that feel like for you? Who would you allow yourself to be if you knew you were free from judgement?”

“I think it would feel freeing. But how am I supposed to figure that out tonight?”

“A lot can happen in just one night.”

Unsure of what to say, I sigh and tilt my head. A gentle tap on the side of my mask is his response. I stare straight ahead, looking upon our blurry reflections in the mirror.

“Envision yourself right now. A different version of you, a fantasy. Who could you be? How would you carry yourself? What presence do you bring? Take a minute. Close your eyes if you need. Think of the answer and then feel it. Become it. This is the transformation. It is first in your mind and then, in your being.”

I take a breath, close my eyes, and do as he says. I see the masked version of me, painted with black, a version of me that no one knows. Not even myself. She can be anything. I can be anything. This essence blossoms in my bones, radiating until it anchors itself into my being. Excitement ripples under my skin. I open my eyes.

“How does it feel?”

“It feels… different. I see myself but also… more.”

Vessel tilts his head.

“I saw paint. On my neck and it ran down.” Skimming my hands over my arms to illustrate my point.

“Stand.” I pray my knees don’t give out as I follow his command.. His proximity sends little electric waves skating along my skin.

“You know it’s true what they say. Depriving one sense, heightens the others. Close your eyes.”

I do as he says. Anticipation coursing through me.

“Touch, for example.” 

His hands skate up my arms, over my bare shoulders to my neck. His fingers stroke along my skin, pressing into the muscles and working at the tension. Other parts of me start to crave the same and the weight of arousal settles between my thighs. I exhale a sigh. His fingertips play along my skin, alighting little sparks. Just as I’m being lulled into a daze, he stops. Moving away from me, he leans against the counter, silently staring. The vulnerability isn’t as uncomfortable now. Security has replaced whatever fear I felt before. He reaches for something on the counter.

“May I? I have an idea for you with this paint.” 

“You may.” I tease lightly and I hear the sound of spinning plastic. 

The light of the room is dimmed as he steps closer. Both hands come around my neck and fear takes root in an instant. What am I doing? I’m alone with a man who is dressed like a demon god, his hands are wrapped around my throat, and we are in a room where no one can hear me scream…probably. Oh no…. Should I be worried about how that turned me on?

Instead of squeezing the air from my lungs, he works the paint onto my skin. His fingers splay as he drags his hands down both sides of my neck. His fingernails scrape over my collarbones, stopping just before the neckline of my dress. My eyes fall closed and I can’t help the sigh that escapes or the shudder that runs through my body. Nor can I help imagining what it would feel like to have his hands on my thighs. Leaving a sinful trail of evidence, as he explored more sensual areas of my body. Circling behind me, his hands clasp my arms, leaving one last mark.

“Look at yourself.” His deep voice jarring me from my haze. Even with my obscured vision, I can clearly see the twin trails of black that drag down my neck, stopping just before my breasts and the stark handprints on my upper arms.

“It looks like I’ve been marked by a monster.” I say, amusement clear in my tone. 

Silence. A brief moment of tension, then his hand wraps around my throat. He leans closer to me.

“Are you calling me a monster?” His teasing is mixed with tones of darkness. I shudder at the thrill. 

“No. Monsters are scary and I’m not scared of you” …Yet 

“Do you want to be scared of me?” His voice is low in my ear.

“Maybe a little” Maybe more than a little.

I see his head tilt in the mirror. I can’t see his eyes but I feel them flaying me alive, gleaning every dark desire snaking through my body. He releases me, putting a bit more distance between us. 

“As much as I would love to explore that, it’s about time we get ready to go on. You’ll be brilliant. If you get nervous just remember my touch and how it’s plain for everyone to see.” I could feel him wink at me as he said that. It wasn’t the worst suggestion. That would certainly distract my thoughts from wandering into anxiety, but it would distract me in other ways. Blushing, I step through the door he holds for me, and follow him down the hall.

-------------

Like a cutscene in a movie, suddenly I’m on stage and the show is taking off. The lights and sounds are overwhelming. I allow myself a few minutes to adjust. Slowly, I begin to pick up the swaying movements from the Espera. Taking cues from their hazy shapes. Then, I allow my voice to softly join theirs. The flashing mass of screaming fans mere feet away is difficult to tune out, but I let them blur into shapes through my mask and my voice rises to the music. With each song they play, my confidence grows, and I feel that vision of myself, from the dressing room, coming to life.

Well, I know what you want from me

You want someone to be your reflection, your bitter deception

Setting you free, so you take what you want and leave

Excitement strikes like lightning. Of course I knew this song was coming, but being a part of it? Dancing while every instrument reverberates through my body?  

Won’t you come and dance in the dark with me?

Tapping into that sensual side of me, I allow it to take form, my hips swaying to the rhythm. I trail my fingertips over my body, and pleasure ripples behind my touch. Hearing whispers of my voice wafting through the background is unreal.

Lipstick, chemtrails, red flags, pink nails

I once made a comment to Callie about how I fantasize about being in an orgy while this song plays because it never fails to turn me on. The way the beat builds and morphs, the lyrics on top of that, it feels like seduction. My voice vibrates through my being, sparking a dark desire that flares with the melody. My eyes fall shut as I remember our time together in the dressing room. I feel his phantom touch along my skin and surrender myself to the sensations.

You make me wish I could disappear

The music dies down, somber notes begin to rise. Recognition flutters in my heart. This is the song that first drew my attention to him… and his attention to me. My eyes snap open on instinct, despite my obstructed view, I see a dark figure approach me, blocking out the crowd. My heart begins to race. I tilt my masked face up at his towering form. He grabs my hand and leads me from behind my place in the background. There we are, front and center. I have no idea what he is doing or what he expects of me. My blood roars through my ears, beating against the tense curiosity of the all too quiet crowd. Curious cheers ring out, but my focus is drawn to him.

I dream in phosphorescence 

Bleed through spaces

My nails scrape restlessly against the fabric of my dress. I have no idea what he wants from me. We never talked about this. Am I just supposed to stand here? Am I supposed to sing a specific part or harmony? My thoughts race as panic begins to sink its claws into me. 

His finger curls under my chin. The gentle weight of him pulls me from the quicksand of my mind. 

I’m transfixed as he sings to me.

My, my those eyes like fire I’m a winged insect you’re a funeral pyre. 

A calm intensity settles in as I focus on the figure before me. Like a siren song his entire being draws me in until there is no one else. No crowd. Not even the band. Just him and me.

The music begins to build. I feel it in my chest. His hand lightly strokes my chin in invitation. The energy builds in my stomach and moves up my throat. God, it feels like it’s going to burst out of me. So I close my eyes and let it.

I will travel far beyond the path of reason. Take me back to Eden. Take me back to Eden

Our melody turns into harmonious wails. 

Take me back to Edeeeennn

My eyes open to a flash of white teeth as he grins down at me, the music continuing its heavy intensity. That grin against his mask and paint, looks every bit like the monster I mentioned. The music drops into a quiet tempo and he steps closer, leaning in as his hood brushes my cheek. 

“Stay.” He commands, before sauntering off, just as three chords are played. 

Well yeah I spit blood when I wake up

He crouches towards the swarming crowd as he recites the lines. Waving hands and screaming smiles line the front of the crowd. As I watch him move across the stage, I remember his painted marks on my skin. My cheeks burn as he approaches me again.

I need you to see me for what I have become

Long fingers wrap around mine, bringing my hand to grasp the microphone, joining him for the chorus. 

My, my those eyes like fire 

My voice is a sweet backdrop contrasting his, as we sing together until the beat drops off. The hand folded atop mine loosens, his arm falling slack and I let go of the mic. His free hand sneaks through my hair, cradling my head in his hand. The sounds of birds chirping flit around the notes of the piano. This intimate moment sets me ablaze as I remember there are thousands of people watching. Jealousy licks at my sides from the scrutiny of their gaze. I pay them no mind. 

His hands fall from my hair, as he lifts the mic, but sings to me.

I guess it goes to show does it not 

That we’ve no idea what we’ve got until we lose it

His words resonate through my chest. Understanding the opportunity tonight presents, I want to make the most of this night, of this connection, and just enjoy whatever is to come.

No amount of self-sought fury will bring back the glory of innocence

Sound pours from me as I join him singing once again. The music sweeps me along and I ascend with it.

We were tangled up like branches in a flood

What happens next takes me by surprise. Vessel loops an arm around my waist, drawing me in until my dress brushes against his belt. He screams the ending lines with such intensity I feel as if I’m being hit by a hurricane. I can barely make out what he’s saying. My heart seizes with another little thrill of fear. All I see is the fierce glint of teeth through the contortions of his mouth as the music fades out. 

Piano keys begin to play, as he leads me back to my place among the Espera. This is the last song of the show, Euclid. What a beautiful note to end on. I channel all the joy in my little heart into singing this final song. I know maybe the lyrics aren’t the happiest but I can’t help but feel light while singing it. Our voices fade out, as he brings things to a close.

The whites of your eyes, turn black in the lowlight

So give me the night, the night, the night…

-------------

We stopped by the dressing room long enough for me to grab my belongings and then he was leading me through more hallways. He holds a door open for me and I step into a gaudy locker room. Leading the way, I follow him through the space and into a long room. The harsh fluorescence glares off of the white tile lining the walls. On the left, is a mirrored wall of sinks and who knows what else. On the right, benches border each door frame, opening into showers. 

We walk a few stalls down, I hang my tote and arrange my clothes on the bench as he wanders away. Pulling out a hair tie, I twist my hair up into a messy bun. Butterflies twist through my belly as he returns to my side, hanging a towel on my hook. We’ve shared this entire night, this entire week, without seeing each other’s face, perhaps we’ve seen a deeper truth. Either way, I’m not ready for it to end.

Inspiration strikes and I stride back to the main door and begin to flick the lights off one by one until all that is left is the glow of the adjoining locker room. His masked face tilts as his attention focuses on me. Grabbing the door handle, I pull it closed behind me until only a necessary sliver of light shines through. Giving my eyes a second to adjust, I carefully make my way back to my bench. I feel another thrill of excitement at the atmosphere. The near pitch black, the silence all around us, almost like something you’d see in a scary movie. I hear clothes rustling from the bench he is at. I’m still working on undoing the straps of my heels when I hear the harsh splash of water against tile. Once all of my outfit has made it into my tote, I take cautious steps into the awaiting shower.

“I wanted to keep the mystery going but maybe it’s a bit too dark.” So dark, that I can barely make out the other person in my proximity. My hands feel along the cool tiles for support.

“Give it a minute. Your eyes will adjust.” He’s calm. Still. Giving me space to acclimate. No longer clutching at the wall, I can make out the shape of him easier. Barely, I see the steam from the water and pumps of soap attached to the wall.

“Will they adjust enough to be able to tell the difference between which is the soap and which is the conditioner?” I tease.

“Hmm might have to go with good ole trial and error on that” Our laughter echoes against the walls. 

Stepping closer, I let my gaze wander. The lines of his muscles catch what little light there is. My breath hitches, the difference in our height is exaggerated now that I am barefoot. The way he looms over me keeps his face masked in shadow. Again, the thrill of being alone with this strange, dark god shivers through me, bringing my awareness back to the arousal that has been burning all night.

“Well I will gladly volunteer as the test subject.” 

“And I will gladly accept. I didn’t want to assume…”

“I would actually prefer if you do assume.” I step closer to him. Even in the pitch black I can see his head tilt down at me.

“Did you enjoy yourself tonight?”

“I did.  I’ve never experienced anything like it.” I say almost reverently.

“Shall we keep the experience going then?” A shiver runs through my body

“Yes.” I breathe..

“Sing for me?” My brows jump up. Posting videos of me singing alone in my house and singing background vocals could not prepare me for this.

“What do you want me to sing?”

“Anything” My mind goes blank all for one song. I take a deep breath to still my nerves. 

Come with me, and you’ll be, in a world of pure imagination

Tentatively, I recite the words.

Take a look and you’ll see

Into your imagination

There is no life I know

To compare with pure imagination

His voice joins mine. 

Living there, you’ll be free

I stop, allowing him to finish the verse

If you truly wish to be

Courage is easier found in the dark I realize, when my hands begin to trail along his chest and I continue singing.

If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it

Anything you want to, do it

My long nails gently scrape across his abs as his fingers trace the black paint along my chest.

“What a mess I’ve made.” The timbre of his voice sends desire rushing through me. Reaching back, he grabs something from one of the dispensers and lathers his hands. The creamy substance spreads down my shoulders as he begins to work out the tension in my muscles. His hands began to slip down to above my breasts. Working in slow circles. The combination of excitement and desire keeps my mind sharp despite the haze of lust. His thumbs swipe across my skin with a delicious pressure. Grasping the tops of my arms, he leans towards me and my lips hum in anticipation. His mouth grazes past my cheek. 

“I think… this is conditioner” He murmurs in my ear. I can’t help the surprised giggle that escapes me. I can feel his amusement even as he turns from me. The muted clicks of the dispenser can be heard over the shower stream. When he faces me again, the energy shifts. A thrill runs through me as he grabs the back of my neck with one hand.

“May I?” He echoes the familiar words he spoke earlier in the night.

“You may.” I breathe and his lathered hand begins running down my neck, as his other creeps up into my hair. My head tilts back. The glow from the distant light flashes off his sharp grin. His hand moves lower down my chest, as he works at the paint there. I’m not sure which is more arousing. Him painting me or washing it off. My nipples harden and a dull throb settles between my thighs just as his large hand sweeps over my breast. His fingers capture my nipple, flexing and rolling against my soft skin. I exhale shakily as he moves on to the other, giving it the same treatment. Grabbing my hips, he pulls me into the water, washing away his claim, his touch laying stake to a new one. Then he flips me around, I catch myself on the cool tile wall. As he steps closer, I can feel him pressed against me. 

“I very much enjoyed having my mark on you, clear for everyone to see.” His voice is low against my ear, as his lips drag over my neck, gently nipping at my skin. The hand on my right hip slides down my thigh. My legs tense in anticipation. His fingers begin swiping in teasing strokes, closer and closer to where I burn for his touch. 

“Tell me, what has you so wet for me?” I let out a whimper as his fingertips slide through the evidence of his claim. 

“Was it on stage? When I whispered in your ear?” Stay. I shook my head. That definitely turned me on but it wasn’t where it started. The memory of us in the dressing room, with his hands around my neck flickers through my mind. Just that quick thought stokes the already well fanned flames of arousal.

“Before the show in the dressing room” I say and receive a hum of approval. I’m rewarded as his finger dips inside me ever so slightly. His strokes are shallow, only increasing my need for him.

“What about it?” His fingers slow, urging me to respond. It’s hard to think through the fog of my desire.

“When you painted my neck.” Relief washes over me as he picks up his still too slow pace. His left hand moves from my hip, trailing over my fluttering stomach, paying brief attention to my breast, before sliding around my throat. My thighs clench around his hand before I can help myself, my body vibrating with anticipation.

“Ah so this is what you like?” His grip tightens as he speaks and my hips rock back desperate for more than this teasing. All I accomplish is grinding my ass against his cock. He inhales sharply but presses himself fully against me. 

“So eager.” He laughs. “Is this what you’ve wanted?” His fingers still move at a languid pace, but curl deeper inside me.

“Yes” I nod enthusiastically.

“But it’s not enough is it?” I shake my head. Because despite the pleasure I felt, the need was greater. The need to feel more of him, to have more of him. He obliges, sliding in a second finger. I cry out, my cheeks heat from embarrassment at the echo. I press my lips together, stifling my moans. His fingers still. He leans forward, his chest against my back, pressing me into the wall.

“Don’t stop singing for me now” He purrs and the rumble in his chest vibrates through my own.

“It’s just you and me. There’s no one else.”

I exhale heavily as my mouth parts. Right away, he rewards me with deliberate strokes of his fingers. The hand around my neck lazily works at the muscles there and waves of ecstasy shoot through me. My nails catch on the grout between the tiles as pleasure begins to coil tight in my muscles. I’m lost in the way my moans reverberate around us as his thumb carefully starts working my clit. It’s consuming. The stretch of his fingers, dragging over every sensitive spot inside me, playing my body like an instrument. His hips roll against my backside, grinding against me. I can feel the hard length of him, thick and hot against me. I begin to crave more and the thought alone of feeling all of him inside me brings me towards the peak. 

“Someday I will have all of you and you will have all of me. Until then I will have the memory of how wet and tight you are around my fingers. Wishing you were wrapped around my cock instead.” My hips rocked, practically riding his hand as the pleasure ramping up inside me spun so tight I felt it would snap at any moment. “Every time I look at my hand I want to remember how it felt to have you come on my fingers.” A ragged cry left my throat as his words pushed me over the edge. The tension inside me broke. Shattered shards of pleasure sliced through me as my body shook. His hand slipped out of me and I felt him work himself against my ass. Tremors skittered through me as I began to come down from my high. The cooling fire in my core alighting anew at the knowledge that he would soon follow. The hand around my neck had slid to brace himself against the wall.

“I want to feel you claim me again.” Shortly after those words left my mouth, I heard him groan. He shuddered against me as I felt hot spurts of him against my hip and back. His cheek came to rest against the top of my head. We stayed pressed against the wall as our breathing and heart rates slowed.

“Well I’m afraid I’ve made a bigger mess than when we started.” My body vibrates against his as I laugh. He pulls me back to the water and gets to work cleaning me off.

“Ves. Thank you, for tonight.” The nickname felt a bit strange on my tongue but appropriate given the standing of our relationship now.

“The pleasure was mine. Thank you for joining us and thank you for indulging me.” 

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“I’m flattered… We will see each other again, you know.” Now it’s my turn to tilt my head at his words.

“Will we?” The possibility hadn’t even crossed my mind. Everything happened so fast.

“If you would like… There is still so much left to explore.” Even in my sated state, the purr of his words spark arousal. 

“Oh I think I would like that very much.” Tension crackles between us. God if I don’t get out of here I’m going to be in over my head. Exhaustion was starting to creep into my bones. 

“I think it’s past my bedtime.” I say with a yawn. That gets a little laugh out of him.

“Well you run along home before I’m inclined to drag you back into this cave and never let you go.” Again, he’s teasing, but the edge in his voice promises something darker. “Or someone comes looking for us and turns all those awful lights on.” His hands grip my shoulders as he leans down and plants a kiss on the top of my head. “We wouldn’t want to ruin the mystery.”

“We sure wouldn’t” Reluctantly, I walk away. I dry off the lingering evidence of what just occurred between us, slip into my clothes, and return to the harsh light of reality.

[somniumfaults]

"The next time they touch what’s mine, the kitty's collar will be so tight nobody will hear it meow.”

wrote some yandere taiga for myself and also as a warmup while trying to get into the groove for a commission. i don't really know that i think this is taiga's brand of yandere exactly; i think he'd actually be a bit different from this. but i was just having some silly fun daydreaming about him roughing me up hehe.

⚠ THIS MAY NOT BE TO ALL AUDIENCE'S TASTE! READ THE TAGS! & MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! ⚠

pairing: taiga hoshibami x reader

rating: mature

prompt: "The next time they touch what’s mine, I'll cut their fucking arms off.” (I did not end up following this completely lol)

tags: established relationship, yandere!taiga, masochist!reader, implied sexual content (they're horny dude), briefly implied cnc free-use fantasies (like, two sentences), not that he'd ever actually let u do that, you're so into him being a freak dude, toxic codependency yay <3, violence/violent tendencies but its taiga so like whats up amirite, uhhh lmk if u think anything else should be tagged thx

The teeth that sink into your bottom lip burn. Well, more than it usually does, anyway. Burning is familiar; it rips through your flesh like nails digging into skin just to prove that you're still alive in a world that wants you to be nothing more than a corpse falling apart at the seams. It's warm and violent and something you welcome with open arms at this point; you're used to relishing in ruby reminders that your reality exists outside of a dream, but this time it HURTS ITS HURTS IT HURTS ITSHURTSHURTSHURTSHURTS---

"OW!" You gasp, tears pricking at the edges of your eyes in a futile attempt to hold back a sign of weakness. A singular tear shines in the light of a crystal chandelier as it drips down the curvature of your cheek.

It never has the chance to hit the floor.

Thin fingers, deceptively fragile in their appearance, squeeze your cheeks. Your skull aches under the pressure, and you make no move to move your hands from where they rest on his shoulders.

"Suddenly everyone wants their own damn kitty cat," Taiga's voice is low, bordering on gruff as he stares you down with a familiar intensity. It sends a shiver down your spine, anticipation and trepidation inseparable. It doesn't escape his notice. It never does. "Gyahaha! Oh my god, you like that? A public use kitty left out for everyone to touch and tease? A pretty lil stray anybody could take home?"

You don't, not really. The idea isn't even appealing, but the way he looks right now -- his eyes a shade darker, lidded as he stares you down. Laughter only as humorous as the subtle fury laced through his smile and the groan you let out as his fingers carve bruises into your cheekbones. It's a thrill unlike any other, the adrenaline of your next hit delivered straight into your heart and promising, "Till death do us part."

Your eyes flutter as Taiga leans in towards you, savoring the gentleness of his cheek against yours. His hair tickles, and you can't help but think his new conditioner was a good choice.

"The next time they touch what’s mine, the kitty's collar will be so tight nobody will hear it meow.”

[fallen-gravity]

just got home from seeing moana 2! I thought it was really good, though not even remotely comparable to the first movie.

Moana and Maui you will always be my beloveds, I'm happier than anyone can imagine that they kept their dynamic platonic even though they could've gone in a different direction if they wanted to.

some pretty big spoilers under the readmore, just want to scream somewhere lol

y'all Maui still being the incredibly sarcastic and stoic "i'm great nothing bothers me ever" but crumbling to pieces every time something involved Moana absolutely destroyed my soul, I was screaming my head off in an empty theater at I could pull up millions of islands but if you're not there to land on them...

and god. god. GOD. Maui getting struck down by Nalo and losing his tattoos and hook and his first instinct being to dive into the water to rescue Moana? holy shit. The symbolism? Maui, being tossed into the sea with nothing, just as his mother did to him, diving right back in to save Moana, the person he gives sole cerdit to for the reason he feels like himself again. He has nothing, but it doesn't even mattter.

When Moana was dying in his arms and her ancestors showed up to answer the call of Maui's song there was a brief moment where I thought they were going to take her away and she'd be standing in front of him as a ghost and that I was gonna have to prepare myself for that goodbye

but AUGHHHHHH, her ancestors and her grandmother being the ones to decide that she earned demi-godhood rather than one of the gods themselves took me the fuck out. I'm a mess, don't look at me, if Maui is the demigod of the wind and sea that must make her the demigodddess of bringing others together. i'm unwell. i'm sick to my stomach. I can't believe all of those fics we wrote as overdramatic aus back in 2018 were right. I was screaming my head off. [old friend i'm not gonna tag], your fic in particular came to mind. i hope you're still out there. I hope you see the similarities too. holy shit. i'm gonna throw up.

CAN I GET A CHEE-HOO, ough, welcome back warrior face, i'm so happy they were able to rework and rewrite that song into the sequel, I love moana and maui's dynamic so fucking much and I feel like this song is a great representation of that!!! they're each other's biggest hypemen fr. no moping around!!! hero time!!!! you're the best!!! you're the greatest!!!

and all those instances at the start of the movie where they kept thinking they were seeing each other and went to try and hug empty air. god. maui you gd idiot, you're lucky you went back to Motunui with everyone at the end of the movie or i would've strangled you.

good shit!!! I'm probably gonna end up seeing it at least one more time in theaters before it's inevitably pushed to D+. I get and agree that it won't ever live up to the first one, but as someone who lived around the fandom for ages and read dozens upon dozens of fics that this reminded me of, I had a great time <3 <3

[sixhours]

tootin' myself in 2024

@jolapeno started this epic "tootathon" (hehe) so we can all brag ourselves up a li'l. Thanks for helping us spread the love, Jo. <3

I know the tag was for things I've made, but I'm gonna be a sap and say I'm proud of all the lovely people I've met through this fandom and the fun we've had this year. I'm not an outgoing person by nature, I tend to lurk and stay on the sidelines, but I went from reading fanfic by mind-blowingly talented writers to actually chatting with them and making friends and that's an amazing feeling. So thank you for sharing not just your work but yourselves and being so welcoming and kind to this fandom newb.

OK, mushy stuff aside, here are my favorite fanfics from this year, in the order they were written. I'll say I'm proud of every single fic I've written but these ones are my extra favorites (please don't tell the others, they're tender-hearted babies).

One Day at a Time - Knocked Up, but make it *post-apocalypse*. I just needed to imagine Joel holding a baby so I wrote a whole fic around that premise.

Walls of Glass - Ellie and Joel deal with the aftermath of Silver Lake as they overwinter in an old, small-town library. They even have a lil Christmas together.

Looking for the Light - Joel has a rough night with baby Sarah.

i know you by heart and who knows where the time goes - I'm including both because IKYBH Joel/Ezra captured my imagination and my heart, then the one-shot follow-up practically wrote itself and I love how it came together. I'm still writing for this universe in my head all. the. time.

haunting me - Joel is a ghost. Particularly proud of this one because it's a slightly different style from my other work, and I think I captured Joel's inner voice pretty well.

Tagging @oonajaeadira @hellfire-state-of-mind @evolnoomym @chronicallyonlinewriter @bumblepony and anyone else who wants to play, PLEASE SHARE, I want to see what you're most proud of this year. <3

[discoveredreality]

intro post <3

don't mind me editing this like every single day lol

my dm's and askbox is always open if u want to talk <3

anons are welcome too <3

also if u want to make new friends i am right here pls say hi im fucking lonely😭

anyways

BELOVED MOOTS <33333 (everyone is tagging them and this is fun)

this in no particular order just whoever pops up on my dash or smth idk. not every moots just the ones i actually know lol. ok so

@im-ur-sleep-paralysis-demon THEY'RE AMAZING LOVE THEM SM IF U DON'T FUCK OFF BECAUSE OMG KJHLGJKFJHLKYFJHKJGL

@ma-lan13 HELP MY BESTIE IRL GOT TUMBLR OMG OMG. AND SHES ACTUALLY USING IT WTF?????? ANYWAYS SHES THE BEST <333

@bloophasarrived SHE'S THE SWEETEST AND SO WONDERFUL. HER PERSONALITY SPARKLES AND OMG SHE'S SO FUN AHHH

@marylily-my-beloved I LOVE HERRR WE HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS. SO NICE AND EASY TO TALK TO. AND WHY DOES SHE KNOW ME SO WELL <3333

@im-just-here4853 my vent buddy omg we just vent to each other i love her so much idk what i would do without her <33

@im-on-crack-send-help TWINNING IN LITERALLY EVERYTHING. SAME MUSIC TASTE. SAME TASTE IN FOOD. IN DRINKS. IN THE WAY WE THINK. WTF. ANYWAYS SHE'S MY POOKIE I LOVE HER <333

@the-gay-skeleton-in-ur-closet THEY'RE THE BEST OMGGGGG and they're nice and cool and shit <333333 i'm quoting myself it's fine AND LIKE SO NICE AND GOOFY AND EVERYTHING OMG

@cubemagnet somene i met on a random post and now we occasionally team up to correct grammar lol 🤓🤓🤓 anyways she's amazing :D and everything she says is so iconic like isjflsrijglruhglsuglijrsg

@book-girl4eva SHE'S AMAZINGGGGG. IT'S SO EASY TO GOOF AROUND W HER I LOVE IT. SHE ALWAYS SLAYS SO HARD. EVERYTHING ABOUT HER SLAYS. idk if you'll see this but this is for u pookie <3

@mil-pinterest-sss-here-i-am ??? questioning why we're moots. but he's literally so nice. literally will be my therapist and help me w maths because that shit is impossible 😭

@dandelionflowery omg literally so kind and everything all the time. so fun fun reading their fics and doing shit together omg

@sweetwarmcookies16 OMG RIJGDJFGIJFGIF THE BEST I LOVE PLAYING GAMES TOGETHER AND TALKING AND EVERYTHING. ALSO AN AMAZING WRITER

idk brain isnt braining ill add ppl as i go along

moodboards made by my lovely lovely moots <3

so far i only have one here cause i forgot to link the previous ones whoops 😭😭😭

about me

i'm ari. she/her. nicknames welcome. go wild. dude/bro/girl/literally anything is also fine. i use 'lol' and '<3' too much. minor. literally the biggest procrastinator and so disorganised i dare u to find someone worse than me. i'm indian but i live in australia. bengali/north indian idk. band kid :D my pinterest is here. PLEASE DM ME IF U WANT TO. I NEED FRIENDS. IM AWKWARD AND BAD AT MAKING CONVERSATION BUT STILL PLS 😭😭😭

personality/star sign or whatever

according to the mbti test here i am an istp-t. i am also a cancer. i found out my sun, moon and rising signs and the marauders version and i wrote it down and lost it so then i redid it and i lost it again so i can't bother at this point someone help me :(

time zone

Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST) i think?? SUCK ON THAT AMERICANS AND WHOEVER ELSE EHHEHEHHEHE ;LSDJFSFJIJFDJF;LJ

my music taste

i love taylor swift, conan gray, olivia rodrigo, sabrina carpenter and honestly a lot of other stuff lol. also love bollywood music.

favourite books and authors

i love reading and i'm usually a really fast reader lol. i love harry potter (fuck jkr tho), kotlc, chetan bhagat books, the inheritance games, agggtm, literally all of karen m. mcmanus's books, the divergent series, pjo and hoo, lorien legacies, the selection, powerless, soc, girl in pieces, dictionary of lost words and bookbinder of jericho, all the books by amish, and a bunch of other books.

dni

idk the usual?? if u think ppl arent valid or you're literally an asshole. honestly you all can go get stuffed. idgaf

tag games and shit

yes you can absolutely tag me. i love tag games and chain asks. sometimes i may not get to doing it but i usually will and it makes me so happy when i'm tagged lol

tags

i don't post that much stuff so i don't really have mulitple tags for my posts. anything or any shitposting or thoughts will be tagged #ari's shit. for asks it's #ari gets an ask?

fandoms!

i'm literally obsessed with drarry but i'm mostly part of the marauders fandom. i'm starting to make my way through all of the marauders fics. i love love love hermitcraft. i'm an ethogirl literally who doesn't love etho?? also really into trafficblr. i literally love six of crows so much like omg. desperately trying to get through the magnus archives im only 8 years late haha i also love kotlc sm. (team foster-keefe forever!) i'm low-key in love with keefe sencen cause omg. aaaand also a bunch of other shit but those are the main ones idk bro

i'm bored and this is too long already might as well add more so here are a bunch of userboxes :D

and that's all not because i have self control but because there is a limit to images per post 😭😭😭 i literally had to delete some of my aesthetic images for this soooo

all the above photos are not mine, i got them off of pintrest.

my profile pic is obviously from the makowka picrew here

the beautiful dividers are linked here. these are by @saradika-graphics she is a literal star these dividers are so good

IK THIS IS WAY TOO FUCKING LONG AND I KEEP ON ADDING SHIT MORE SHIT SO IF U ACTUALLY LIKE READ TO THE BOTTOM THIS HERE IS FOR U LMFAO ILYSM <333333

[recurring-polynya]

Hi! I want to start off with saying I love your blog and it was this blog that introduced me to a new side of the Bleach fandom, so I owe you a huge thanks for that. My question pretains to when you mentioned that you read a lot of fics where Byakuya was there when his father died in the lines of duty, and I was wondering if you could recommend those fics and any other byakuya centric ones.

You're very welcome! I am always excited see new people in the fandom, especially here on Tumblr.

I want to preface this with saying that I have kind of a complicated relationship with Byakuya. He is an interesting, complex character and I like to read fanfic about him, but I hesitate to call myself a fan. I'm mostly interested in his character as it stands in relation to Rukia and Renji. I like stories where he is shitty and causes problems. I like reading about the long, horrible history of the Kuchiki clan, and how much it screws a person up to be raised in that mess. I also just like stories that make fun of him a bit. He's a deeply strange person, and I love his weird, dry sense of humor. Byakuya-shipping usually falls flat for me: I think he's mostly ace, except for the time he fell in love with his wife, and even then, I only really like Byahisa stories where the author has done something creative with who she is and I also need her to drag his ass a little. I would swipe left on him. So, anyway, take these recommendations (and the absence of ones I have missed) with that grain of salt.

The fanfic I was specifically referring to regarding Soujun dying after a mission he and Byakuya were on together was the Rise & Ruin series by @afinepiece, specifically part 2, An Education. It's a...little-bit-AUish precanon fic where Hisana is a thief who ends up getting tangled up in the Kuchiki family after she attempts to steal a painting from them. If you're looking for Byakuya fanfic, AFP is always going to be my first recommendation, especially her Thin Red Line series. Her works are always sprawling and genre-defying, but beautifully crafted. They've got noble/family drama, intricate world-building detail, and great character writing. The Kuchiki family deserves epics, and that is what AFP is out here doing.

Funnily enough, my other favorite ByaHisa writer is all the way at the other end of the writing spectrum. @thegreenfaery. She works in the AU space, and if you enjoy Byakuya Going Thru It but also being in love with his beautiful wife. I'm biased, because she wrote it for me, but The Wedding Party is my fave of her works (80's/everyone's human AU where Hisana has to rent out part of Byakuya's house for her little sister's dirtbag wedding).

If you like Byakuya in his gothic horror era, please read dogviolet by @renjirukia. It's a closer examination of some canon between-scenes during Byakuya and Rukia's Bad Times period.

I think @lucymonster is one of the best Byakuya character writers out there, and Metaesthesia is one of the best fanfics I've ever read. It's a Byakuya - Renji bodyswap, but not in a fun way. You should really only read it if you're in the mood to have your heart kicked down the stairs. I also really like Sticks and Stones and Building Bridges. Note: Most of her works are ByaRen (these are not, at least not explicitly). That's not a ship I am normally fond of, but I get, like 3 weird days a year where I can read it.

Speaking of ByaRen, if you are into it, the other ByaRen writer I like a lot is @grizmelder, who is also a very nice person. I particularly enjoyed Heart Tangled, which is a historical AU set at the end of the samurai era, where Renji is Byakuya's bodyguard.

I was just talking about Lull the other day, but it's a lovely little fanfic by Branch about the relationship between Byakuya and Rukia and sometimes Renji. It's an older fanfic and breaks off from canon after the Soul Society arc, so you can think of it as sort of an alternate idea for how Soul Society rebuilds after Aizen's betrayal.

The Journal of Kuchiki Byakuya by @saranel is a great little fic in the form of young Byakuya writing diary entries about his life, in particular, his dealings with Yoruichi and Urahara. It's really cute in general, but in particular, I love the way it portrays Byakuya's interest in photography.

I also have a soft spot for Breaking to Bridle by Vivienne Grainger, which is about how Byakuya sees Renji, both as lieutenant and eventually as suitor for his sister.

I guess I would be remiss if I didn't mention my favorite crack Byakuya fic, which is Become a Ghost by @hardlyfatal. Orihime dies and goes to Soul Society and becomes a therapist and falls in love with Byakuya. It's pretty silly but also a lot of fun, and it's chock full of Byakuya being Byakuya.

I hope you find something you like in there! Like I said, I am not the world's best Byakuya fan (probably in the top ten worst Byakuya fans tbh) but these are some that I have enjoyed and have stuck with me!

[nabiracha]

Those eyes... (Pt.3)

Hello, I hope you're enjoying the story so far if you're reading it :)

Synopsis: The scroll your father wrote wasn't what you had anticipated, nor wanted. But you have no choice, you knew this.

Warnings: Fear, nightmares

Those eyes...

The eyes of the king, a dirty yellow, like the forest leaves in fall. The eyes of the king...are the eyes that watched me in my dream. I don't let my reaction show, his voice snapping me back to reality. "Ah, I see the princess has arrived. How are you enjoying yourself?"

He spoke to me, his eyes watching me like I was prey. He must like to play with his food. "I've been welcomed well." I didn't mention Hyunjin seeming to have a stick up his ass when we met. "The room is nice," Minus the dust, but that's okay.

He nods, turning his attention back to the papers on his desk. I clear my throat, walking to the front of his desk. "My father has written a scroll. I cannot explain the details inside as I myself do not know." I spoke so formally, since he is the king of WolfGang. He held his hand out expectantly, no longer meeting my gaze for more than a second. 

We sat in silence as he read over the scroll, his eyebrows furrowing in what I assumed to be confusion. "You said you don't know the contents of the scroll, yes?" I nodded, my hands clasped together in front of me. "Yes, that's what I said, your highness. 

He didn't say anything for several, several seconds as he read over the scroll for what seemed like the third time. "Felix, get Minho." The king finally spoke, his voice not divulging any information on his emotions. Felix nodded without a word, leaving me and Chan in the room alone. His eyes don't meet mine when he looks up. 

"Your father wishes for me to court you, a marriage of convenience." I was silent for several moments, surprise flickering across my features. "I see."

Neither of us spoke, our gazes only moving from where we stared at the floor or the wall, when the door opened. Minho, I assume, was insanely gorgeous that it genuinely made me jealous. Of course, they all were. "Your highness," The man spoke. The king nodded in greeting, "Minho."

Minho's eyes met Chan's, their gaze hard for several moments before the king held out the scroll. Minho grabbed the scroll, holding it open as he read it. He seemed to read over it for multiple moments before speaking. 

"The Antarctic Kingdom and WolfGang are both very closed off kingdom's. I heard rumor of a war starting soon, Esk had gotten word of this too." Minho's voice rang through the room like thunder, shocking and full of dread. We all knew what war could mean.

"I assume he wanted to form an alliance with you to keep both your kingdom's closed off but also be able to call in back up if needed. As, I assume, he would do for us." The king hummed, rubbing his chin in thought as he stared at Minho. "So you think we should accept?"

I knew what this meant. I'd be wed to Chan, forced to carry an heir before falling in love, and possibly even never get to make my own choices again. Minho nodded just slightly, sparing me a sympathetic glance. Chan's gaze turned towards me, but he still never met my eyes. "And you, what do you think?"

Was he...really asking me? "I don't have an opinion, your highness." "Yes you do." My eyes widened a fraction, his response startling me. "Yes, I do. But I have no choice, so I shall accept what my father believes is best for his kingdom." 

He hummed, holding his hand out as Minho placed the scroll back in it. He dabbed the quill in ink, signing his name and handing it off to Minho. "Deliver this to one of Changbin's best" Minho nodded, leaving the room. 

The king leaned back in his seat, hands folded on his lap. "I will have expectations from you, as my wife and the queen of this kingdom." I nodded, waiting for him to go further into detail.

"You must not speak in public places unless told to. You will listen to me no matter what. That simple. Do you think you can do that, princess?" I nodded, cringing at the title. "I can, your highness."

After a bit more discussion the king dismissed me back to my room. The door shut behind me, my body relaxing just slightly. I felt exhausted, and I hadn't even done anything. I moved to lay on the bed, over the blankets. I hadn't realized how pent up I felt till the tears were rolling down my cheeks. What the hell has my father gotten me into? 

Marrying his only heir to the WolfGang King was a bold decision. But why had Chan accepted it so quickly? My mind drifted back to the moment our eyes met. It had made my body feel tight with energy, warm  in a way I had never felt, yet somehow like I was prey at the same time. His eyes were in my dream, why?

My mind was spinning with thoughts until I managed to pass out.

My breathing was heavy, a thin layer of sweat on my skin. My hair clung to my skin, tears rolling down my cheeks as I ran through the woods. I had no idea what I was running from, but I knew I couldn't stop running no matter what.

Howls in the distance made my feet pick up their speed. My feet were bruised and bleeding, and I felt like my lungs were on fire. But I didn't stop running, I couldn't-

I shot up in bed, gasping for air. I felt like I was being watched, my gaze moving the window. Sure enough, there they were.

Those eyes...

Sorry, it's a little short but I feel like it turned out well... Let me know if you want me to add anything!

[seaweedbraens]

Hi! I've been following your fics for a few years now and I was just wondering, do you have any tips for new writers? Specifically for fics that is. Any advice from planning a fic outline to just general writing advice would be hella appreciated!!

hello!!! welcome to fic, we're super happy to have you here <3 i'd love to drop you some 'tips' (i am using quotes because i am not sure if im qualified to give advice - and i'm not sure if it'll work, but here is what works for me!)

when i outline fics, i almost always know what my starting and ending is. i've definitely mentioned this before but i always always know my endling LINE, i dont start writing a fic if i don't know where it's gonna end up. again, this may not be you, so dont panic if it isn't! this is just how i begin.

since my fics are on the...ahem, lengthier side, i usually have 'sections' of content between my beginning and end. i write down (usually by hand, but it doesnt matter what you use tbh) significant 'events' or 'goals' of the section. for instance, as i was writing my bigfic (we could walk straight through hell (with a smile)) one of my chapter outlines looked like this:

since this fic used multiple character POVs, i also made sure to label which section was being seen through which character's eyes. sometimes, as i'm making my sections, i'll get inspiration for dialogue, and i include that too. as you can see above, i also highlighted sections as i completed them, though that's just more to keep track than anything else.

i wish i could give you more insight into writing, but really the biggest piece of advice i can give is to keep reading. reading fic is good but reading books is even better because you'll learn so many words, absorb so many kinds of writing styles, and learn what you like and what you don't like and patterns that you'll settle into. i have to confess i dont read much these days, which i need to change, but i used to be a voracious reader, and that definitely helped me as a writer.

i've been writing fic for a long time, though. so when it comes to writing fic in particular, i am a huge advocate for a couple of things (and these are pretty general, not necessarily writing-related):

don't force yourself to write!! sometimes you just arent feeling it and thats okay. i write in insane spurts - as i wrote wcwsthwas i occasionally pumped out 10k in a single sitting - but i go months and months without writing in between. if you're in a rut i don't think you need to force yourself out of it, because more often than not i've found myself dissatisfied with my work when i do force myself to write. as creatives, burnout is common, but because this is fic we're lucky enough that we operate on our own schedule. we don't need to push ourselves to write if we don't have to. but trust me, when you feel the urge to start writing again, it's wonderful, and the words will flow out of you!! just make sure you

stay inspired! again, reading good books helps you expand your own vocabulary, and it'll come in handy when you find yourself needing to write descriptions. observe the world around you, learn movements and expressions and how things and people tick. explore writing prompts and see what inspires you best (i took one look at soulmate au prompts and never looked back). it's cool to be inspired by fellow creatives online (just make sure to give credit if needed) but also try to be inspired by yourself! a lot of my fics stem from my own experiences and thoughts and emotions, and i think to some degree that resonates with people, which is always great. try to examine things on a deeper level. draw on memories from your own life and they'll hit more often than they miss. think about what makes your hurt, and rage, and cry, and flinch, and smile. remember the little things that make interactions so special. when you put yourself in a character's shoes in a certain situation, question why they'd act or react a certain way. and make sure

you do you. if your work doesn't sound beautiful and prose-y, that's fiiine. it's okay to keep it simple!! it was a bitter pill to swallow and it took me many years, but i have finally realized that my strengths as a writer are in my dialogue and emotional dump-writing. i don't think i'll be ever to be one of those poetic writers who can pull words from the trails of your thoughts like a some kind of sick magical literary genius. i have some friends who just. they write so BEAUTIFULLY and i'm so envious of them, but that's their strength, and i have my own. remember that!! and please for the love of god

don't worry about stats. write for YOU. this may sound lofty but i can't stress this enough. i was unfortunate to start writing fic when i was very young, and as a competitive little brat i was obsessed with the numbers. i desperately tracked every comment and like and favorite and follow. i let that dictate my writing, because i knew that if i wrote a certain way, made fics extra fluffy or whatever, they'd draw in more comments. i'd force myself to write more, update fics to show how active i was as an author in the fandom, and in the end, that truly sucked out the joy of writing for me. i found other ways to channel my creativity for a long time and then returned to writing. now, i write when inspiration strikes, and to my surprise and joy people still want to read. i love when a fic does well, but it doesn't debilitate me if it doesn't. writing for yourself, and for the love of a good story, and for the love of the source material, and for the love of writing, will make you a better writer. and on that note:

quantity does not equal quality. i've been asked quite a bit how i write such long fic but that's largely because i like to read long fic. i like it when a story is build up and fleshed out and you end up knowing everything about everyone. i like drawing out moments, giving characters depth and thoughts and relationships. a lot of my fics are full of extra padding that goes into building character relationships and friendships, because as an only child they are super important to me. HOWEVER there is real fucking skill required to write a short fic. to fit a beginning and middle and end into the least amount of words possible. it's incredible, it's a skill i wish i had, and deserves every laurel that long fics get. as a writer, if you find your fic ending earlier than expected, that's fine. you don't need to add more words just for the sake of puffing up the wordcount. at the end of the day, if your story shines, that's all that matters, and readers will respond to it.

im not sure if this will help you but this is kind of the bulk of what i've learned all these years writing fic. at the end of it all, what works for me may not at all work for you, but i'm certain that with time, you'll find your groove and carve out a niche for yourself, just as we all have. just remember: have fun! the internet is batshit and sometimes not the best place but my time writing fic has exposed me to the most wonderful people. writing will help you learn and grow in ways you won't be able to foresee now - just go with the flow and take it all in as it comes! be positive, accept critique and feedback and learn from it, and stay enthusiastic about telling your stories. feel free to message me anytime, and please drop a link to your fic if you ever post :) i'd love to read it!

sorry for the late response, and for making you read this NOVEL, holy shit. haaave a good day/night <3

[chairofchaos]

Evening friend!

You bring chaos to my life so here is a little chaos for you

2, 3, 5, 8, 19, 26

And just for fun because I know it will probably hurt me 40

Feel free to answer what you want and ignore the rest 🤍

GOOD EVENING.

Thank you for letting me bring chaos to your life, and for bringing me some in return. In your honor, I will answer all. Seemed like the most chaotic thing to do. I considered making separate posts for each question but then again that was a lot of work so just... bear with me. This is a long read, but hopefully, you will find it worth it.

2. Anything that you'd like to write but feel like you're unable to?

Yes. I am currently bouncing around multiple Greek/Roman tragedy adaptations of our beloved ACOTAR and TOG characters. I do not feel prepared to write these yet. I want to do them justice. That semester of studying tragic plays of the ancients has stuck with me.

3. How would you describe your writing style?

I don't even know how to answer this, but my best shot is this:

The vibe must be chaotic.

It must be written as fast as possible.

It should be entirely unplanned.

If it is planned, it should be entirely overwhelming and likely a bigger project than I should ever take on *cough cough* LETTERS *cough cough*

It's not a style as much as it is entirely based on my whims. And that's not always great. In fact, it's something I don't really enjoy about myself (comment on this and I will edit it out of this post so fast I SWEAR).

But I enjoy the product. I think there are at least a couple of you that do, too, so hopefully we can all enjoy that little piece of chaos together. If not, I'll just enjoy the pain I create on my own like a good little fanfic writer.

5. What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

I don't think such a thing exists. I don't like surprises? Idk, this doesn't really make sense to me. Clearly I have no problem tagging things Dead Dove so we all know what I'm up to lol

8. How slow is a slow burn?

Somewhere between 100 and 100k words. I genuinely do not care. Depends on the medium? The pacing? A slow burn described in a poem is going to look very different than a slow burn in a fic the length of The Iliad and the Odyssey. Or Wheel of Time (that's a long series, right?). I don't care. It's all great. I love slow burns. Haven't written one because I think those characters should be enjoying each other romantically on page 1, but I LOVE reading them.

19. Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.

UNANSWERED STARS YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMAN. Is this what you expect to hurt (I haven't looked ahead at the other questions I'm doing this straight through, no edits, no takebacks. Welcome to Chaos- you get two.).

Eris was no saint, either. Cauldron knew he kept his mate up some nights. But the Cauldron also knew Azriel would get out of bed in the middle of the night and take off into flight, not returning until he knew Eris would also be awake. After the first time, they would rarely talk about where Azriel went or what he did. Instead, Eris would press a mug of overly sweet coffee into his hands and they would sit together in silence on the front porch, Azriel’s head on Eris’ shoulder and their hands clasped together. - {Working Title is Coffee and Psychotherapy. THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY FLUFF YOU CAN THANK DUSK-MUSE AND NINTHCIRCLEOFPRYTHIAN}

And maybe more along the lines of what you were expecting:

Azriel found the most enjoyment in the training and teaching of others. In his time as spymaster, he regularly found time to work with young soldiers, for which many have since thanked him, crediting him with saving their lives by instructing them in his limited spare time. In the years since the war, Azriel enjoyed collecting books from all over the world. The collection he amassed was the instigator for a library to honor his mate. - Death, and All That Follows (This may or may not be a sort of extended epilogue to something I wrote recently.)

26. What would you describe as OOC?

This is possibly a wild take: I don't think I care what is out of character for characters I write. It depends on the fic, sure. But I think perspective forms our understanding of characters, and seeing them in a new light can often bring a different, even "OOC" type attitude to fics which I often enjoy. I am very much an advocate for "Don't Like, Don't Read" not only for plot points but for characterization as well. If you don't enjoy the way someone writes your favorite (or your least-favorite!) character, don't read it. The beautiful thing about being a part of a fandom is the diversity of experiences within it.

I did not read Nesta's journey the same way you did, or the way your friend did, or the way my best friend did. I brought my own perspectives, my own experiences, to my interpretation of her actions, words, and thoughts. I came out of the other side loving her, and loving the way she loves. I recognize myself in her. I know I'm not alone in that. I know that there are a great many who do not like her in the slightest.

ACOSF Nesta was presented very differently to ACOTAR Nesta. (For the purposes of this argument, we are removing the debate about The Author Herself because I simply don't care at the moment and that's a much larger topic.) I don't think that anyone's interpretation of Nesta is "wrong" or "bad" because we all bring a pair of glasses to reading, and that glass is made of our experiences. That's the filter through which you consume the work. My glasses are different from yours. That's okay.

Little tangent while we're on the topic: I don't care if your glasses are different. But if you break those glasses to use the shards of glass for the purpose of hurting other people, that's a problem. I have a problem now, and so do you. Because of the inclusion of the argument above, it needed to be said, and so here it is: Don't hurt others because of your glasses. Theirs are different. Please learn to recognize that, and that it is okay to view pieces of media differently. Tangent over.

So TLDR on OOC: I don't care. If you want to write a piece where character canonically named Bubblegum Sunshine Princess because of her (in-canon) overwhelming joy and love of the outdoors and her kingdom's candy trees is a murderous assassin filled with rage and the destructive flame of a thousand suns, go right ahead. There's a very good chance I would love to read it.

40. Write a 9-word fic.

Title: This is a Thing [REDACTED] Learned. The title will be longer than the fic itself, and that's the beauty of The Thing [REDACTED] Learned. Thanks.

A/N: (Stars. My dearest friend. You expect pain here? Now I want to prove you wrong...)

Pairing: Your OTP. Or my OCs. Or is this about my life? Or yours? Who knows. I'm not currently well lol

...........................................

Knowledge came with no promises, no love, no you.

...........................................

All the love, Stars. You're the best. <3<3<3<3<3

[vacantgodling]

1, 3, 4, 8, 15 for the end of year ask game!! :3

hewwo thank you for the ask <3<3

1. what was your writing-highlight this year? what made it special and how will you reflect on it next year?

mentioned this in my writing in review for this year but finishing cage earlier this year really set me on a high note for the rest of the year. i really proved to myself that i can write 80k+ words in a single project; i can finish and fully flesh out a narrative, my dreams are achievable if i really put myself to it.

for a really long time i didn't think i could do it. there's a lot of reasons why i felt that way, but having people who kept up with every chapter, my partner and other friends like valen and multi listening to me rant ad nauseum about my ideas and thoughts, and giving myself permission to do something 'silly' turned out to be such a good decision. so i think next year i'm trying to take that energy into it. i'm writing for myself, my friends and my dick LMAO. but i'm also taking the strategies that i learned (ie: i need a long outline to finish something or i won't p much lol). so next year is really gonna be a planning year! i wanna have more outlines that i can go back and reread and become obsessed about sEUOSDJ

3. did you achieve everything you wanted to this year? if not, how will you go about it?

nah! but tbh i'm okay with it. getting distracted by other wips is just par for the course for me and my brain pfff so i'm not miffed that i got distracted by other things and paramour got put off to the side. i still think about paramour a LOT don't get me wrong; but khizzy and sjaak giving me brain rot is a welcome change.

i also could've never predicted i would get into conlanging--i barely knew what it was (outside of lotr really) but here i am a few months later with a whole baby language on my hands HAHA. i think i'm finally of the mindset that yeah writing is my life's purpose bc it would be meaningless without it, but its also a hobby and i wanna have fun with it <3

4. what is your favourite line you wrote this year?

this is so hard OSCJK thank god multiple people have asked this bc its definitely not just one. perusing through the things i wrote this year, i think one that stands out to me is from draft 3 of btaf (which is the actual Real Prose draft 1 attempt lol. its a whole tier system of me drawing this wip out) but its the first sentence kinda hits and i don't think i wanna change it cuz it sets the tone well:

The cruelest and craftiest of all the Devil’s handiwork—darkness—had descended upon and laid waste to the countryside.

something something, speaks of the savagery that is yet to be revealed later on, makes the wip super moody (the equivalent of the tried and true "dark and stormy night"), and alludes to the time period (cuz we're talking about the devil in deadass the first sentence PFF)

8. what are three things you're looking forward to next year?

i'm gonna be optimistic and say draft 2 (the elongated outline) of btaf will be done--i've been taking a break from it but multi's very sweet sweep of draft 1 has reinvigorated me with brain worms.

i also want to work more on he who smites the sun bc... khizzy beloved. and with that all of the wips from ph -> paramour i want to figure out how they're linked and their outlines etc

and then i think i'm just excited to just be more silly with what i write next year. i wanna get back into my art wips (tmc and broken clouds for instance) and write more smutty shenanigans with bruno and his mess. :D

15. time for shameless self-promotion! answer with a piece of writing you want others to see/read! (if you have nothing posted/published this year, any other year is fine too ^^)

this lore post about tcol which details MIZDARR and MUINENS's first meeting and how the harvest god KIBARUM was born. idk i really love the gods and mythos tcol has i should talk about it more. its not really writing writing but i want people to see it anyway :D

[wooedbywonu]

Que Será, Será : A Seventeen Anthology [Masterlist]

Welcome to Que será, será! This anthology attempts to let you foresee how life unfolded for the school boys, teenage dirtbags, and working stiffs. Take the stage and enjoy how fate orchestrated the future for thirteen men.

================================================

Seungcheol

opening shortly...

Jeonghan

opening shortly...

Joshua

opening shortly...

Jun

opening shortly...

Soonyoung

opening shortly...

Wonwoo

opening shortly...

Woozi

opening shortly...

Minghao

opening shortly...

Mingyu

opening shortly...

Seokmin

opening shortly...

Seungkwan

opening shortly...

Vernon

opening shortly...

Dino

opening shortly...

Hi! So first of all, I've been planning to post this since last year. Originally, I was about to write something for/about Joshua BUT this anthology popped on my mind after posting one of my works.

Secondly, I wasn't really confident about my works, my writing style and especially how the anthology would go. I felt like everything I do is mediocre and would never satisfy anyone who would see it. However, after giving it much thought, I remembered the reason why I was writing. I began to post my works not for the possibilty of gaining numbers of readers but for myself. I wanted to express every thought and emotions I pu into my works. So if ever you're seeing this, that only means I had the courage to share it with you guys (aka. I gave myself some love haha)

Thirdly, I get busy a lot during school days. I'm afraid I won't be able to update as much as I want to and for that cause, I might also lose momentum and comepletely forget abouut the story line.

Lastly, i still don't know how to use this site well. I'm still learning about writing and posting in this platform and I've been reading a lot of literary pieces in hopes of improving so that I can tell stories without seeming like I'm trying hard to narrate or tell something.

If you've come this far, thank you so much! I really appreciate it. Even though I wrote earlier that the main reason i'm writing is for myself, I still hope you'll look forward to this as much as I am. :)

All the love, L <3

[jerzwriter]

Why don't you write more diverse characters?

And also:

Also might get hate for this but your Casey and Jessica pairing gives me "when straight girls say they wish they are gay so they don't have to deal with boys". I'm aware you're queer yourself and there's no one way to be queer but just wanting to let you know, from the perspective of a gay person myself.

You're welcome to disagree, delete this or so on but I just want to offer my two cents if that's still something I can do.

Nonny,

Let's see: Wake the Dead: My MC is Latina. I have a whole HC on how she tries to connect to her culture despite most of it being stolen from her due to their circumstances. It has been addressed in asks, etc., but I have not written it completely because of time. I wrote an extensive backstory on Eli's family; his parents are canonically black/white, and his brother (like him) is biracial. Crimes of Passion: My MC is Latina and demiro. I haven't addressed the latter as much as I want to, partially because I don't relish the inevitable feedback. You know, where the fandom that demands diversity then tears down any creator who attempts to write them? So, 99% of creators have decided to only want to write what they know? Yeah, that.

Open Heart: Casey is white because that's the sprite I used in canon, and you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. Her husband is bi-racial. Their 3 children are biracial. His mother (an OC) is black, his brother (an OC) is biracial and bisexual, oh, Casey's bisexual too, and I HC that their youngest daughter is queer, but I have not written much about their adult daughters.

So, yeah, while I don't owe you an explanation, I needed to point out how wrong you are. Saying there is no diversity among my characters is a bit of a stretch unless you want to say that Latino, black, biracial, and queer people aren't diverse. I hope that's not what you're saying.

As to Casey and Jess, you're entitled to your opinion, of course, but the typically straight girls who wish they were gay so they don't have to deal with boys don't date or fall in love with girls. At least not the ones I have known. They certainly don't fuck them. So, there's that. Have I written smut for J/C? No. But I haven't written much smut at all recently. I just have not been interested in doing so.

So I am bi, and my bi character isn't bi enough for you - BUT why do I suspect that you're one of the people who bitch about the lack of queer characters in the fandom, then sit perched and ready to attack when someone tries and doesn't do it "right." I can see how that really encourages people to branch out and write more diversity. Oh, that's sarcasm.

If my stuff isn't your cup of tea - that's fine. It's allowed. Don't follow/read and find another creator who can provide you with what you desire. That's sort of how it's supposed to work.

PS... are you the same anon who said I don't support queer creators? If so, babe, you're going to have to try harder. Don't accuse me of things that are so easily verifiably wrong.

[writeandsurvive]

Doubts ~ Alden Parker 2/2

Summary: Alden Parker reconnects with his first love and it gets him all confused  Pairing: Alden Parker x Fem!Reader Words count: 5.5k Warnings: age gap relationship, pregnancy talk, mention of dissociation Author's note: it's been a while since I wrote for Alden and I definitely didn't expect for it to be this long, nor take this way either but here we are. I'm giving myself to opportunity to write sequel fics with that ending, cause you never know. I hope you're enjoying it <3 love!

Around lunch time, he received a text from Jeremy. 

‘Wanna come over with your lady tonight?’ He didn’t answer immediately because he didn’t know. 

A couple hours later, it was your turn to text him. 

‘Jer is inviting us for dinner tonight. I’m down! You?’

He can leave Jeremy on read but he can’t do it to you. 

‘Not sure, day’s a mess.’

More like his head is a mess. 

‘Is it okay if I go anyway? You can join if you leave work early enough.’

‘Of course, go! I’ll keep you posted.’

‘Works. Love you, Superman! ❤️’

‘Love you too’

“You look miserable, Parker.” Nick Torres informed him as he grabbed a pastry still sitting on Alden’s desk.

“Thanks, Torres?”

“I bet it’s past days haven't been easy for you. When are we going to meet the future Mrs Parker?”

“Don’t know. We got some stuff planned already.”

“You know she can just stop by.” Jess chimed in.

“Been there, done that. Nope.”

“Alden” it was Tim’s turn to join, “We’re not jerks from the FBI, you know?”

“I don’t worry about you guys. But—“ his hand gesture showed off the entire headquarters, meaning everyone else. 

“I know what’s going on!” Jess interjected, earning puzzled looks from her coworkers. “You’re gatekeeping her.”

“Gatekeeping?”

“Kasie told me how pretty she is. And she’s younger than you.”

“We established that.”

“You are afraid someone in here, in her age rank, will try to swoop her away from you.” 

Alden let out a humorless laugh. “Trust me, Jess, I’ve seen many people try and fail. Right in front of me. I’m not worried about that.” 

“Or maybe she’s just good at hiding it.” Nick grinned at his team leader. 

“Torres, shut up.” 

“Gatekeeping.” Jess said, again. And Tim and Nick repeated it as agreements.

Alden Parker wasn’t sure what drove him to Joy’s house once again. He didn’t even know why he drove for two hours before going there, just to get her favorite pastries from when they were kids. The case is done, and he should put this behind him like it’s been all of those years. But when she opened the door and welcomed him inside, he smiled. 

They settled at the table with coffee and pastries, and started to talk. It was about the case this time, it was about them. Their past, what happened, how they felt. What their lives became from there. He learned that his ex wife Vivian visited Joy after their divorce because she “wanted to see the woman she fought against through the entire marriage.”

“That’s very stupid.” He said “And I’m sorry she actually came to see you.”

“It’s okay, at least I knew about how your life turned out. But it was fifteen years ago. What happened after that?”

You. He met you several years after his divorce, but that was the only answer he wanted to give. You happened, and you made his life a thousand times better. 

“I'm getting married in two months.” 

“Oh! I didn’t—well, congratulations, Park. Kids? Stepkids perhaps?”

“No and no.”

“Do you regret not having kids?”

Alden rubbed his face before answering. “I’m sorry, maybe you don’t want to talk about—“

“She’s younger than me. Young enough to get pregnant, so—“

“Okay, back up. When you say younger than you—?”

“Ryan’s age.”

“You kidding me right now?”

He shook his head no.

“Park, what the hell! Are you seriously getting married to a girl who could be your daughter?”

“Please, don’t, Joy. I’ve had this conversation too many times, I’m not having it with you.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s—“

“Wrong? Bad? Sick? Perverted? Trust me, I heard it all.”

“No, I was just going to say that—it’s too bad.” He looked up to her. “I was hoping you were single.”

He felt her hand on top of his. He knew he should’ve moved his hand away. He should’ve told her to back off, tell her that he wasn’t, and he was very happy about his life and upcoming wedding. But he let her. He let her intertwine her fingers with his. He even squeezed and she softly smiled. She got closer to him, and he didn’t move away. He saw her face approaching his, and he stayed there. Her lips touched his and he didn’t pull away. 

When his phone buzzed, he basically jumped from his seat, stepping away from Joy. Confused and lost, he grabbed his phone and saw that Jeremy was calling. He cleared his throat before answering.

“Hey pal.” He tried to sound casual.

“Uncle Alden! Where are you? Are you coming?” Eli.

“Buddy, hey! I’m still at work, but I’m coming soon, okay? I hope you didn’t start eating without me?” 

“No but hurry, you’re gonna miss the beginning of the game!” 

“I’m on my way! I’m hurrying up!” 

“Okay! But auntie said "drive safe.””

“Always.”

Joy was sitting at the table again. “My godson.”

“And he’s waiting for you, from what I understood.”

“Yeah, dinner and a baseball game.”

He grabbed his coat to put it on. 

“Is she his godmother?”

“No, Eli was five when I met her. But I really don’t want to talk about her with you, Joy. That kiss shouldn’t have happened.” He started to walk towards the door. 

“But it did and you didn’t fight. Not even for a second.” 

And he hated that. He hated himself. 

He opened the door. 

“Maybe that wedding shouldn’t happen.” She said. 

He closed the door. 

It was probably one of the worst drive of his life. How could he let this happen? How could he do this to you? He never faulted when he was married to Vivian, or any other relationships, but he did it with you. You’re the most amazing thing that ever happened to him, the most precious person he could ever meet, and he betrayed you. And the worst part of this? He wasn’t sure it wouldn’t happen again. Because catching up with Joy does something to him. It makes him feel things he thought long gone. He makes him wonder a lot of things, and pretty much puts his whole life into perspective. What if he changed earlier and her parents didn’t move away? What if she answered his letters? What if life hadn’t separated them? 

What if…

What if it was their second chance?

Alden knocked at the door and let himself in as usual. Eli came running to hug his godfather. Jeremy’s wife greeted him with a hug, the men greeted each other with their handshake, and his eyes laid down on you. You stood up from the couch with a soft smile. But he knows you well. He knows there’s sadness behind this smile. You probably could feel his internal struggle and was worried about it. But you were trying to hide it. “Hey you.” You whispered. 

To your surprise, Alden pulled you into a hug before kissing your forehead and then your lips. It was brief, but nice. 

You all settled in the living room, as the game was about to start. Jeremy’s wife had prepared some toasts and snacks to pick, and she served a beer to Alden. Eli was sitting next to his godfather, wearing his Cubs hat and you were on Alden’s other side. The game started, the conversations went from what you were watching to catching up with one another. Your fiancé and Jeremy talked about work here and there. You and his wife talked about the wedding, and she showed you some stuff she saw online. Lots of DIY. 

“Let me just say it. Sweetie, my lovely wife here is just waiting for you to ask to do all those things for the wedding.” Jeremy said.

“Jer!!” His wife interjected. 

“Do you really want to do all of this for us?” You asked her. 

“Kinda. I mean, I love weddings and I didn’t get to plan ours cause I was very much pregnant. But yeah, I’d love to. If it’s okay with you of course.”

“Of course! I mean I’m good with planning, but decorations, ambiance, that’s not my strong suit.”

“Don’t worry about that then. I’m handling it.” 

You hugged her and looked at Alden. He was physically there, but his mind was far away. You could tell. 

“Den, you good with Becky taking care of the decor?”

“Yeah, sure. Of course.” He forced a smile. “Thank you Beck’s.”

You spent the rest of the game looking at your fiancé who was clearly avoiding your eyes, or actually you altogether. He was focusing on the game with Eli, shouting at the TV here and there. Becky made small talk with you and you answered, doing your best to hide how you were really feeling. At half time, Jeremy invited Alden to the backyard. “You good, man?”

“Yes, just tired. Long week.”

“Meeting again with your first love.”

Alden didn’t take the slug he was about to. He stopped, staring at his best friend. 

“She told you?”

“Of course. She’s worried, Alden.” Jeremy waited for Alden to say something but he just stared at his beer. “Is she right to be worried?”

He looked up to his best friend but this time, he had tears in his eyes. Still unable to say anything, he just shook his head. Not as “no”, but as defeat. He was lost, and lost for words. Jeremy wheeled closer. “Did something happen?” He whispered. 

“We kissed.” 

“Alden.”

“I know, Jer. I’m—horrible. Doing this to her? I hate myself for it, I would kick my own ass if I could.” 

“Look. If it was just a kiss, I’m sure she can get past it. She’ll give you hell for it though.” 

Alden stayed silent again. 

“Was it more than a kiss?”

“No, no! Just that. But—“

Jeremy was starting to understand. 

“Parker, don’t tell me you’re questioning everything right now?”

“I’m lost, Jer. I love Y/N so much, she’s my world. But I can’t shake the feeling that— Joy reappeared for a reason. You know?”

“And that reason was her stupid ass son.”

“He’s a good kid.”

“Don’t. I’m not going to support this bullshit, Alden.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means—if you end it with Y/N to get back to Joy, you’re making the biggest mistake of your life. You’ll regret it faster than you can imagine and believe me, I’ll be right here to say “I told you so””

“Thanks for your support, friend.”

“You’re my brother and I love you, and it’s my job to tell you when you’re being the biggest idiot.”

Alden drank the rest of his beer in one swallow. Jeremy wasn’t moving. He was waiting for his best friend to come to his senses. 

“Will you take care of her?” Alden asked. 

“What?”

“If I— make the biggest mistake of my life. Will you take care of her?” 

Jeremy only saw Alden crying twice. After the accident, and at this very moment. He seemed heartbroken and genuinely torn apart by what he was feeling. Jer wanted to shake him off, but realized there was no point. 

“Yes. We will.” He reassured him. 

Inside the house, you were playing on your phone with Eli. When the commercials were over, he stood up to get his dad and goddad but came back quickly without them. “Auntie. Uncle Den is crying!”

“What? Are you sure?” 

He nodded so you rushed to the backyard. Eli was right. Alden was crying. You immediately kneeled down in front of him, and grabbed his face. “Alden baby, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” 

He loosely wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your neck. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. You looked at Jeremy for some answers but he avoided your eyes. 

“Sorry for that? Alden, look at me. Talk to me.” 

“Please forgive me.”

“Forgive you what? What do you want me to forgive you for?”

You tried to grab his face to make him look at you but he fought off and kept his head in your neck. 

“Joy.” You simply said. 

Alden didn’t answer but he held you tighter. As if he knew you were about to pull away from him. Jeremy was still avoiding your eyes. 

“Did you sleep with her?” 

You were getting angry at his avoidance. You shouted his name, so he would stop hiding in your neck and holding you so tight you couldn’t escape. “Answer the goddamn question. And fucking let go of me.”

His hold loosened a little, and his face rose up. He looked pitiful. “Did you sleep with her?” You repeated, sharper this time. 

“We kissed.” He whispered, avoiding your eyes.

You didn’t react immediately, just took some sharp deep breaths. He kissed her. He kissed someone else. It was breaking your heart, but at the same time, maybe it was better than him sleeping with her like you thought. You could get over a kiss, right? You could forgive him for being lost for a moment. 

“Was that all?” You asked, afraid of the answer. 

He nodded, but kept avoiding your eyes.

“Fucking look at me, Alden.”

He did. Slowly. You were mad at him, hurt and felt betrayed. But you loved him beyond words, and most importantly, you didn’t want to lose him over a kiss.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m lost.”

“What do you mean, you’re lost?”

Alden was nervously rubbing his hands and he looked down at his feet again. You grabbed his chin, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “Stop stalling.” You were getting angrier and angrier. 

“I just–I don’t know what to say, sweetheart. I’m sorry for the kiss, for doing this to you. I hate myself for it.” He gently grabbed your hand that was still on his face and covered it with both his hands. “But I– I don’t know what I want anymore.”

You instantly took your hand off his despite the grip he had on it and you leaned back. Away from him. The tears that had been frightening to fall were now rolling down your cheeks.

“You don’t know if– you want to be with me or with her?” You sum up.

“Baby, I–”

“You’re telling me that– you’re ready to throw everything away. The past two years we’ve had together, our upcoming wedding, projects we have– for an ex, that you hadn’t seen in forty fucking years? That’s what you’re saying, Alden? You saw her only days ago, but you’re willing to risk losing me over her?” You didn’t know how you manage to say all of this despite feeling your throat closing in. You were choking up, but you needed to understand. You needed him to speak up, no matter how bad it could hurt. 

“I just need some time.”

At this moment, you stood up so fast your head spinned for a second. Or maybe it was the shock of what was happening. 

“Time? You need time?” You started to move like a lion in a cage, fighting off your tears as much as you could. Alden stayed seated, looking down at his shoes again. “Look at me you fucking coward.”

You knew this word would get a reaction out of him. He stood up too, grabbed your face to make you stop moving.

“I love you.” he choked up. “But I need closure.”

Those words broke your heart. You knew what it meant. 

You pulled your face off his grip, looked down at your engagement ring for a moment before taking it off and putting it in his palm. “Go for it.”

You walked past Jeremy, Becky and Eli - who didn’t understand what exactly was going -, grabbed your stuff and left. 

~

It’s been a week.

A week since you last saw Alden, a week since he broke your heart into thousands of pieces. A week since you walked home and trashed his greenhouse, because you couldn’t control yourself nor your pain. You knew it wasn’t a way to react, that it was impulsive, but when you got home to get some stuff, you looked around in tears. You saw pictures framed of the two. You didn’t mean to throw it on the floor at first but as you held it, you got madder at his face. His smile. You couldn’t hit him, but you could destroy that picture. From this, you completely dissociated, walked into the greenhouse and broke everything. Throwing the pots on the floor, ripping his flowers, destroying his expensive telescope. In retrospect, you’re mad at yourself for doing all of this, and even considered apologizing to him via text. But you never brought yourself to do it. Not even when he texted to check up on you or tried to call. 

You considered going over to Tay’s house, but decided against it and found a hotel to stay in. You didn’t want to see anyone, face anyone. You couldn’t face reality. For an entire week, you stayed in, barely ate, only texted Tay and Jeremy to let them know that you were indeed alive. But that was it.

Alden has been miserable through the entire week. Barely slept or ate, he wasn’t even bringing pastries to his team anymore. He met with Joy a couple of times but it didn’t feel right. He didn’t push her away when she kissed him, but stopped her when she wanted more. She said she understood it wasn’t easy for him, that she’d give him time to process the breakup, but the next minute, she was all over him. This wasn’t going the way he imagined. He was more lost than a week prior, because living without you felt impossible. He knew he couldn’t have it both ways, that he needed to make up his mind and stick to it. But all he’s been wanting to do was seeing you and holding you. 

He remembers coming home after that night at Jeremy’s and finding the pictures framed all over the floor and the greenhouse completely trashed. He deserved it. He spent hours cleaning, saving what could be saved. He tried to repair his telescope, even asked Tim for some help but his younger coworker told him he may as well buy a new one. 

The team was worried about their leader and they were thinking about interfering. They didn’t know exactly what had happened, but they were investigators so they figured out the big lines. 

“No pastries today?” Nick asked Jess and Tim as he walked into the bullpen. He saw Parker’s coat on the back of his chair so he knew the senior agent was already in.

“Nope. And he’s in a mood.”

“Did you find his fiancée?” He asked Tim.

“I didn’t like doing it, but yeah, she registered in a hotel last weekend. Been there since.”

“So they are officially broken up?” Jess joined.

“Looks like it.”

“Boy, I hope he’s not seeing this Joy woman.”

Of course, this was the sentence Alden heard as he came back from accounting. “Gossiping about my love life? Seriously, don’t you have anything better to do?”

“We’re just worried about you, Parker.” Nick told him.

“I don’t need you to worry about me! I don’t need you to figure out where Y/N cause I already know! And I most definitely don’t need you to do something about it! Are we clear?”

“Yes, sir.” They all agreed.

He stayed a long time at the office after everyone was gone. He didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment. It still smelled too much like you, your presence was overwhelming as all your stuff was still there. Not that he wanted you to come get them. 

It was the middle of the night when he got back to the apartment. And when he heard noises coming from the bedroom, he immediately reached for his gun and slowly walked towards the noises. “Federal Agent!” He called out. “Come out with your hands in the air!”

As he was about to reach the door, it opened to you. You were completely unbothered by his gun pointing at you, just walked past him to go to the bathroom. But you were stopped by his hand grabbing your wrist. He whispered your name, shocked to see you here. “Wh–What are you doing here? How are you?”

“I live here.” You just answered. “You want me gone? Then throw me out.” You tried to keep walking to the bathroom but Alden didn’t let go of your hand.

“No, no! I don’t want you gone! I–I’m not throwing you out. Wasn’t in the first place. I’m just–I didn’t expect to see you here. You’ve been ghosting me.”

“Oh and that surprised you?”

“I guess not, I just– I didn’t want things to happen the way it did.”

“Look Alden, I’m about to pee myself here. So let me tell you why I’m here. I’m not going to make this easy on you. You want to see her? Fine. But you’re not doing it here. You’re stuck between me and her? Too bad, I’m not leaving my spot. Also, you’re making all the calls for the wedding. You’ll call the guests, the caterer, the venue, the minister and tell them you’re canceling it. You should deal with the consequences and I’ll make sure that you do.”

You pulled your hand away and he let go. You really needed to pee. And when you got out of the bathroom, he was still there. Leaning against the wall, jacket off and gun pulled away. He looked miserable. But it was all his fault.

“I’m not seeing her.” He informed you. “I just said I needed time.”

“So what? I should’ve stayed here, and waited until you may or may break up with me? Sit here and wonder if you’re coming home late because you’re with her?”

“Isn’t that what's gonna happen now that you’re here?”

You let a humorless laugh. “You didn’t get it. I’m here because this is my home. My name is on the lease, I pay half of the rent, my whole life is in here. I’m not giving that up, whether or not we’re broken up. And if that causes you trouble, then perfect.”

“So, we’re like what? Roommates?”

“If you want to put a label on it. You ruined my heart, Alden and I’m letting you ruin my whole life.”

“I never asked you to leave, Y/N!” His voice rose up, as he was getting angry. “I never wanted you out of my life! I didn’t even want to cancel the wedding, okay? All I needed was to figure things out!”

“But it wasn’t figuring out what suit you’re going to wear! It’s figuring out if you want to be with me or with her! Do you honestly think I would marry someone if I’m wondering if he really wants me?”

“Wait–” he stayed silent for a second, taking a deep breath. “Are you saying that–if I tell you I still want to marry you in two months, you wouldn’t want to?”

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering if you’re still thinking about her.” You didn’t know why but your voice got softer at this moment.

His eyes started to watered. “I kinda feel like you’re actually breaking up with me, right now.”

You silently cried for a moment. “You broke my heart, Alden.” you whispered. “I felt betrayed and rejected, like I’ve felt my entire life until I met you.” 

Alden fell down against the wall until his butt hit the floor. He was silently crying, hating myself even more. “Then–Why are you here?” He struggled to ask.

You kneeled in front of him. “Because I’m pregnant.”

Alden’s brain froze for a very long moment. Did he hear you right? or was he hallucinating? Was it a dream? Were you really pregnant? With his baby? He stared a blind spot for several minutes, but finally looked back at you. He wanted to smile. Despite the horrible circumstances, despite how you got to this point. You were pregnant. You were carrying his baby. Silently, he extended his arms, tentatively trying to touch your stomach. But you stopped him. “Don’t just yet.” It hurt you more than you could’ve imagined to say those following words, “I’m considering abortion.”

His brain froze again for a moment.

“Wait, what? No!” He got on his knees. “Princess! No. I know it’s your body, but I probably shouldn’t be doing this but please, let’s talk about this. You’re pregnant.” More tears fell down his cheeks, but it wasn’t sadness. “You’re carrying our baby.”

“Alden—“ you choked up. “Don’t make this harder than it already is, please.” 

“I can’t let you have abortion without talking it through. I can’t.”

“I said I was considering it.” This time, he managed to hear his hands on your stomach and you didn’t pull away. You were ugly crying by now. “That’s not how I imagined this would go. It should’ve been the most amazing news of our lives, but now—it feels wrong.”

“Wrong? That’s the furthest thing from wrong.” He gently held your face. “It’s far from ideal, it’s—messy if you want to put it that way. But we can figure it out. We can make it work, one way or another.”

“I don’t want to do the coparenting thing, Den. I want to raise my baby with its father, my husband.” 

“And I want to kiss you right now.” He whispered.

“Please don’t. Don’t choose me because I’m pregnant. I could never be happy with that.”

“I understand. Really, I get it.” Silence filled the room again, except for sniffing and deep breaths coming from both you and Alden. “How about we get up now and sleep on it? You can take the master bedroom.”

You followed his lead and stood up. “Did you really think I’d sleep in the guest room?”

He chuckled softly. “Of course not. I just need my shorts and phone charger.” 

Neither of you slept. 

You didn’t want to tell him about the pregnancy just yet, nor like that. You wanted to wait a little and see how things were, see if being around him could help you make a decision. But he knows now, and it may have been easier if he said he didn’t want this baby.  

But Alden wanted this baby. He’s never been this close to being a dad. No woman has ever been pregnant with his baby. And the fact that it’s you—he wants to erase those past two weeks. Erase his doubts, erase his behavior, erase the hurt and pain he caused you. He never doubted his love for you, though. He knows what happened in his mind, he’s known before tonight. Maybe he should just face it and admit it to you. 

You woke up in the morning to the smell of food. Your favorite breakfast food and it both made you hungry and nauseous. You rushed to the bathroom as soon as your eyes opened, and Alden immediately joined you as he saw you running. He kneeled down next to you, holding your hair as your morning sickness hit. He gently rubbed your back. Once you were done, you sat on the floor against the wall. “I’ll get you water.” 

“No. Give me my toothbrush first.” 

He stood up, grabbed your toothbrush that you left there (you only packed a few clothes the week prior and bought the rest), added some toothpaste on it and handed it to you. You brushed your teeth while staying on the floor. 

“Do you want me to carry you to the couch?”

“I’m pregnant, Alden, not invalide.”

You walked to the kitchen with your baby daddy on your toes. 

“I cooked but I don’t know if you’re gonna be able to eat. Or maybe you want something else? Any cravings?”

You sat at the kitchen island and buried your face in your hands. “Alden, stop. Don’t act like your usual loving and caring self.”

“Ooookay. What am I supposed to do then?”

“I don’t know.”

He put a big glass of water in front of you and sat on the stool next to yours. He made you spin so you were facing each other. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

You took a deep breath, “I’m listening.”

“I always knew I’d come back to you.”

“What?”

“I needed closure with Joy. Subconsciously, I was hoping you’d let me—“

“Do your thing with her and wait patiently until you come back?”

He sighed. “It’s horrible, I know. It was selfish and wrong, and just plainly— jerk behavior.”

“I’d say asshole. Dumbass. Dickhead.” 

He sadly chuckled. “Whatever word you want to use, they are all valid.” 

“Basically, you wanted me to give you a pass on this.”

“Something like that, yeah.” 

“When did you reach that conclusion?”

“A few days ago. I ran into Max and his mom, and poor little guy was so upset at us—“

“Oh my god! His game!”

“Yeah. We missed it. And I tried to explain to him that we had some issues, and after he stopped pouting, he actually listened. I told him I’ve had a problem in the greenhouse and that I’d loved his help to get it back the way it was. And I guess from what I told him, he understood that you were temporarily away. And he told me, “We have to make the apartment spot clean for when Y/N comes back.” From there, my mind—“

Alden watched you as you stood up and went to get something from the closet. Then you walked towards the front door with a gift in your hands. “Where are you going?”

“Apologize!”

He didn’t move until you came back, which wasn’t long after and the gift was still in your hands. “They are not home, I’ll try again later.”

“He’s not mad at us, I made sure of it.”

“I know, but we promised we’d be there. And we didn’t show up, he probably felt so sad.”

Your emotions overwhelmed you and you started to cry there, sitting on the couch. Alden sat next to you, hesitating for a moment before hugging you. You didn’t push him away. “He still loves us.” He assured you.

“I still love you but it doesn’t make it okay.” 

You regretted saying it as soon as it left your mouth, but Alden uncontrollably smiled. Silver lighting. 

You let Alden hold you for a moment, because it felt nice on some levels. You still couldn’t believe what he put you through though. “We were doing so good.” You whispered. 

“I know. I’m not even sure I understand myself.”

You stayed silent once more. 

“So, you didn’t—sleep with her?”

“No.”

“Well—maybe you should.”

“Wait, what?” Alden shifted, clearly taken off guard. He gently grabbed your chin to make you face him. “Are you seriously telling me to sleep with someone else?”

“Yes.” You said with eyes full of tears. “Maybe that way you can totally put it behind you.”

“That’s—crazy. Absolutely crazy.” He moved down to his knees. “I couldn’t go that far, princess. I did see her and we—made out, if we can call it that. But it felt wrong, so wrong. I wasn’t kissing the right person. When she was touching me, I kept thinking that only you can touch me. Only you know how to touch me. My entire world felt out of place. I think the sixteen years old in me wanted it, but fuck I’m not sixteen anymore. I’m a stupid old man, who’s so in love with a woman too young for him. A woman who definitely deserves better, because she’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I failed her.” He held your face in his big soft hands, and pressed his forehead against yours. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you let me.” He kissed your nose. “I’ll make sure our little one knows how precious their mama is and that we are the luckiest.” You were both crying. “Please.” He added. 

“You know those Moroccan pastries we had in a little shop in New York?”

“Sure. Kaab al ghzal.” He said in his best accent possible. 

“I’m craving them.”

He chuckled softly. “Then I guess I’m going to New York.” 

“Actually, I, um—there’s this new musical on Broadway—“

“Then I guess we are going to New York.”

“Two different bedrooms, Alden. Connecting at best.”

“I can deal with that. What else?”

“Your treat.”

“Obviously. That it?”

“You leave your phone here.”

Dilemma. He wouldn’t do it in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for his work. He’s technically off for the weekend, but being a Federal Agent comes with a lot of inconvenience, and being called at any time any day is one of them. But he saw in your eyes how serious you were. It wasn’t about his work, which is something you’ve always understood and were mostly okay with. It was about him showing you he meant every word he said. 

“Let me just inform the team.”

[not-poignant]

January 2024 Writing Round-Up

Here's the monthly round-up of everything written and posted in January 2024! How is the first month of this year nearly over already??? But here's the chapters that were released: 

Birthday Spotlight - Dr Gary Konowalous 

Birthday Spotlight - Nathaniel (Nate) Prince 

Underline the Black 76  

Underline the Black 77 

Underline the Blue 09 

Constellations 02 

The Nascent Diplomat 40 

The Nascent Diplomat 41 (Augus+Gwyn Tier+)

Underline the Blue 12 (Augus+Gwyn Tier+)

Constellations 05 (Gary+Efnisien Tier+)

Chapter Commentary - Underline the Black 33 (Mosk+Eran Tier+)

Chapter Commentary - Underline the Black 34 (Mosk+Eran Tier+)

Tradewinds (full e-book) (Gary+Efnisien Tier+)

FANFICTION

A Stain that Won't Dissolve 29 

A Stain that Won't Dissolve 30 

Palmarosa 16 

Palmarosa 17 

*

An extremely quiet month, with only 31,000 words written. That's not bad (my minimum is 25k) but I'm sure y'all know I like to aim higher than that most months!

A reminder that enrolment into the Merch Tier to get the May/June rewards is still valid until mid February!

*

On the writing side, I wrote across multiple stories: Palmarosa, Constellations, The Nascent Diplomat, A Stain that Won't Dissolve, Underline the Black, and Underline the Blue.

*

We adopted a gorgeous puppy called Tobermory but it's been very overwhelming on a PTSD and autism front (we actually decided to rehome at one point, and then decided to stick it out, but it's been rough). And also just on a 'young puppy life' front lol.

In the months ahead I'll be taking a break in the form of not posting one Underline the Black chapter per month to give me one Sunday-to-Sunday stretch of posting no chapters. I will still be active and around! These aren't holidays from writing or interacting with you all, just from the schedule itself. :D 

I also really want to get stuck into editing Game Theory, it feels like a distant dream right now which is more than a little frustrating, just because of time and energy, but please know it's still high up on my list! I'm also going to start designing/planning the next round of merch soon, so stay tuned for that. :D

*

Tradewinds has LAUNCHED!!! This is a Patreon/Ream exclusive, meaning that - at this stage - it can only be read if you join that tier and download it to read. You're welcome to stay in the tier, drop back down to your regular tier, or even just sign up for one month and leave again. Obviously the latter isn't my preference! But I want folks to enjoy themselves and am sensitive to the fact that not everyone can afford regular subscription, or has to be careful how they subscribe <3 

Tradewinds is a completed Fae Tales Verse story with a completely new cast of characters that focuses on merchant fae in the southern hemisphere, and Seelie vs. Unseelie merchant traders.

*

Remember you can reach out to me privately at any time, at my email piafoxhall@gmail.com - if you can't find something, or just want to find out something, let me know. I'll do my best to help :)

I'll see you all in February 2024! We've smashed into a brutal heatwave, with temperatures of 42C, 43C and then 41C coming over the next few days (that's 107F, 109F and 105F for the folks in the USA!) Pray for me, because I am going to have to walk everywhere with a spatula so that I might lever myself off the bitumen (road/asphalt).