#wrong kind it’s like they start actively trying ro provoke or hurt you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

corset · 3 months ago

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I realized I have been having more of the variety of stress dream where in the dream I have an Extreme Autistic Meltdown. Like a very very bad meltdown where I am just shrieking and hurting myself and throwing things and I feel like I am literally about to die and then I wake up shaking with a headache and basically I think masking and not having my needs met and feeling alienated constantly in my daily life is starting to have some Effects. hahaha.

#I have very rarely had a Loud Outward meltdown irl but let me be clear this has been very bad for me lol #I definitely have it isn’t like the meltdowns themselves are a controllable phenomena #It’s more like. I have shoved at least half of it inside and it kind of feels like I am swallowing lead #So I mostly just cry and bite myself a lot or whatever #Lighter intensity stuff tends to mostly feature me being in turns extremely snappy and volatile and completely nonverbal which is super cool #and does not make people around you dislike you or anything especially when you can’t explain it at the time and you’re trying really hard #not to be an asshole but you literally can’t control the cadence and tone of your voice anymore or you will actually start screaming and #even if you have the world’s tightest leash on what you do say and you aren’t vitriolic people will still get mad and if you’re around the #wrong kind it’s like they start actively trying ro provoke or hurt you #Anyways

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