#written a few months ago during a p bad panic attack

[felixxthefrog]

i am anxious i am dyin g inside i am suffocating i am drown ing flailing i am panicked i feel like im pulling every sh ort straw i am sm il ing i am playign hoping they dontsee through the mask iam in need of assistance of help of support of care iam in ne ed ofa gameplan inn eed of some kind of guidance ihave no expe rience and i need someone else to justtake the reigns the wheelth e lead take my control please doit for me i cannot i was not bu ilt f or this worl d iwas not created wit h this soc iety in m ind i was made to tend the earth the soil th e creatues the stores keepp timean d make a homebutnot this not i was mad efor anything but this please go d plaese universe give me something else i cry out from my cross abandoned and forsaken and neglected and misunderstood i just want ot be soft and mindkless i want to be abke to simply exis t adn i loathe the stru ct ures of society and whats expec ted of m e noon e told me tjat life would be one big long test that i was never told to study fo r i didnt own the book but now i must write a papper an essay a thesis a life this is my life and i donot know how to naviagte no map or gps im llost and crying and gasping for air im d y in g

[gryffindorcls]

Why Are You Still Awake?

WARNING: SEASON 3 FINALE SPOILERS 

This was written for my good friend @flashflashitsash​ birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ASH!!!

I hope you enjoy!

---

Marinette sat on her balcony and sipped a steaming cup of tea. It was late, but sleep often alluded her nowadays. Ever since she had been given the Ladybug Miraculous, she often found her mind racing every time she crawled into bed. It got worse once she became the Guardian of the Miracle Box.

On particularly bad nights, Marinette would take her fluffiest blanket onto the terrace and soak in the quietness of the evening. The soft thrum of the cars below and the whistling of the wind often remedied her sleeplessness, but tonight, nothing seemed to be working. She grew increasingly restless as time passed, for only a few hours ago, her life had changed drastically...again.

Even though she knew it would be a good idea to sit down with Chat and reveal their identities when she became the new Guardian, it was something that Marinette couldn’t bring herself to do. She neglected to tell Chat Noir that the identity rule didn’t need to be followed anymore, and she failed to mention that it was now necessary to know his identity so she could easily contact him in the event of an emergency.

It’s not that she didn’t want to know who Chat was. If anything, it was the fact that revealing their identities would change the dynamic of their relationship. It was a step that she hadn’t been ready to take; however, fate had different plans when they’d gotten trapped inside of a closet during an Akuma attack earlier that day.

Seeing Chat Noir turn into Adrien Agreste made her heart stop. She saw a thousand expressions cross his features when her own transformation dropped a few seconds later. Before she had the chance to speak, cry, or scream, they were released from their confinement and forced to spring back into action.

After a bit of fumbling, they were able to defeat the Akuma; however, they were not granted the opportunity to talk before returning to class. When school ended, Adrien had been quickly whisked away to a photoshoot, leaving Marinette alone with her thoughts and feelings.

It had been approximately eight hours since she’d learned Chat’s identity, and she still didn’t know what to do. Ever since Marinette had decided to stop pursuing Adrien, she had done her best to be a better friend to him. Watching him find love with another girl had been difficult. All she wanted was for him to be happy, and if Kagami made him feel good, she knew she would have to be okay with that.

While she still loved him with every fiber of her being, she’d done her best to push her feelings aside when she was with Adrien. She’d even managed to have a few decent conversations with him over the past few months. (She only stuttered a few times!) However, knowing that he was Chat added a new level of awkwardness.

She sighed and closed her eyes. Marinette let the stillness of the night consume her. Also, knowing that she had a few more hours before she had to confront her newest problem helped settle the nervousness brewing in her gut.

She spent the next several minutes attempting to clear her mind. She sat like a statue and took deep, calming breaths. Suddenly, Marinette’s phone went off in her lap, startling her. Upon feeling the vibration, she jumped and nearly fell out of the lawn chair.

With tired eyes, she squinted at the device. An unknown number flashed across her screen. Curiosity filled her as she opened her phone to view the message.

Unknown: Why are you still awake?

Marinette felt a twinge of panic in her chest. While the message didn’t sound threatening, she didn’t like the idea of someone watching her.

Marinette: Who is this?

Unknown: Oh, right...sorry. I forgot that you don’t have this number on your civilian phone. I didn’t mean to startle you, Princess.

“Chat,” a soothing voice echoed in her mind.

Every muscle in her body relaxed. This was her partner. This was Adrien. She knew him. She could trust him.

Marinette: It’s okay...how did you know that I was still awake?

Unknown: I have night vision...lol

Marinette: Haha...right. Where are you?

Unknown: Look up.

Marinette obliged and turned her gaze towards the Parisian skyline. After taking a minute to scan the landscape, she spotted a bright light nestled in a dark corner on a roof across the street.

Marinette: Hiding in the shadows?

Unknown: What can I say? I belong to the night.

Her mind began to race. “You can’t hide from this conversation forever. Talk to him. It’s now or never.”

Marinette: Why don’t you come over here?

She bit her lip as she awaited his response.

Unknown: Are you sure?

Marinette: Get over here :)

She watched as the distant light flicked off. His shadowy figure vaulted across the rooftops, and within seconds, a sheepish looking Chat Noir landed on her balcony.

He sheathed his baton and looked at the ground. “I...um...hi, Marinette.”

She offered him a small smile. “Good evening, Chaton. What brings you out and about at two o’clock in the morning?”

“I’m sorry...I-I couldn’t sleep. You know...after all that happened today. I just...then...and my room felt extra stuffy, and I just needed to get out. I was running across the rooftops, and I ran past your place...I’m sorry I didn’t mean to...what I’m trying to say is...ugh...no...I looked over, and I saw you. I know it’s late, but I was worried. I promise I didn’t do it on purpose…I...”

She cut him off with a giggle. “Would you like to detransform and talk?”

He cocked his head to the side. “I...what? You’re not mad?”

“No. I was actually out here thinking about what I was going to say to you tomorrow, but...you’re here now. So, I’ll ask again...would you like to detransform and talk?”

“I’m...uhhh...only wearing pajamas under this.”

“So, I’m wearing pajamas under this blanket. It’s fine.”

“But it’s kind of cold outside.”

“Would you like to come inside?”

“Really?”

Marinette stood up from her chair and walked over to the leather-clad hero. “Yes, you silly cat. You are my partner, and if we want this to not be weird anymore, then we need to talk about what happened today.”

He stood silent and stunned on the terrace. She grabbed his hand and led him over to the hatch. Once they were both inside her room, Chat called off his transformation, and Marinette shielded her eyes as the bright green light engulfed her partner.

Her breath hitched upon seeing a worn and weary Adrien Agreste with a frown and tousled hair. She did her best to remind herself that this was just her Chaton; however, seeing him as Adrien made everything feel different.

She took a deep breath and attempted to speak. “S-so...I...uh...okay. Wow...I tet’s lalk…I MEAN...ugh...no. Not this again. Let’s talk.”

The sadness deepened on his face. “I’m making you uncomfortable. This wasn���t a good idea. I’ll just go.”

“NO! No...p-please. I just....need a moment. I’ve been working hard to get over this, but I’m just a little nervous now that you’re not transformed.”

“What can I do to make this better? Jeez...I’m so sorry Marinette. If I’d been a little faster today, we wouldn’t have gotten stuck. I really am a lousy partner sometimes.”

Hearing his self-deprecating words caused the nervousness inside her to melt away instantly. It was quickly replaced by hurt and frustration.

She buried her head in her hands and groaned. “I can’t believe this! We’re back to square one! We haven’t acted like this around each other in months. When I became the Guardian, you really stepped up. You’ve been driven and confident...it was us against the world. Chaton, I will kick you if you tell me that you’re not a good partner ever again. You’re not even a great partner, you’re the perfect partner. Do you understand?”

He audibly swallowed. “Uh...yes?”

“Good.”

“Okay...yeah.”

A silence fell between them. For the second time that night, the flash of confidence that Marinette felt moments ago began to fade as she let her mind wander.

“Why are you still getting nervous around him? Out of the suit, he’s still Chat Noir. Besides, Adrien is your friend. They’re the same person...and he’s your friend...just your friend. You’re just a friend...but you still love him.”

Marinette felt hot tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. She looked up to see Adrien looking down at his lap. He looked so small and sad, and all she wanted to do was hold him and tell him that it would be okay, but she’d given up her chance to be by his side. They were partners...and that was it.

Tears began to streak her face as her newest realization hit her. “He loved you as Ladybug...you gave him up twice. Now, he’ll never be yours. You have to keep this professional and friendly. Nothing more! Don’t mess this up. Don’t make him feel worse.”

Adrien’s eyes snapped up as a sob escaped her lips. Within seconds, he’d moved across the bed and situated himself next to her. He hesitated before placing a warm hand on her shoulder.

“Marinette, how...did I do something? I’m sorry. Tell me what I need to do or say. Please don’t cry. If it’s something I can fix, just tell me.” He looked at her with worry in his eyes.

She attempted to speak between sobs. “It’s m-me...I...I...I did this t-to myself. I can’t tell you...you’re going to hate me!”

“I don’t think I could hate you if you tried.”

“No...this time you will. I hurt you over and over again. It only makes sense that you moved on. I couldn’t even be honest with you in our civilian lives!”

“Moved onto what? Help me understand...I just want things to be okay between us.”

“My brain can’t even pick an emotion right now. When I think of you as Chat, I feel confident and strong, and then I see you as Adrien and I go back to how it was before...before...I-I...I can’t.”

“Before what?”

Marinette’s lip trembled. “Before I let you go!”

Adrien furrowed his brows. “Marinette...you’re still not making any sense.”

Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Please don’t hate me.”

“I promise I won’t. Like I said before, I don’t think I can.”

She grabbed a pillow and squeezed it against her body. “I love you.”

“Oh, my lady.” He gently removed the pillow from her grip and wrapped his arms around her. “Thank God.”

“I...it’s been so long since you’ve called me that? WAIT...aren’t you dating Kagami?”

“Ahhhhh...um...no. I’m not. She told me that she loved me, and I told her that I wasn’t ready. I tried taking her out on a date, but it just didn’t feel right. I was still in love with someone else...a certain someone else who I thought was in love with Luka.”

She pulled away from him. “Well, yeah...about that. Luka is...sweet. And I love him, but I’m not in love with him…if that makes sense.”

Adrien reached up and ran his fingertips along her cheek. “So, if Luka wasn’t the boy who Ladybug was in love with...then...who?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

“I do, but I would really like to hear you say it.”

She met his gaze and smiled. “Adrien Agreste, I, Marinette Dupain-Cheng have been hopelessly in love with you since you handed me your umbrella the day after we met. I spent a year trying to tell you, and I could barely function when you looked at me. Then, a few months ago, I saw you laughing and smiling with another girl, so I walked away...and I’ve been trying to forget about my feelings for you, but it didn’t work. And I have to be honest, I think that’s all the courage I can muster for the rest of the night.”

Adrien grinned and once again pulled her into a tight embrace. He lovingly ran his hand up and down her back.

“Then let me talk for a little bit,” he whispered.

Marinette felt herself melt in his arms as she leaned in and rested her cheek on his shoulder. He nuzzled the top of her head and released a happy hum.

“My lady,” he began, “a few months ago, a beautiful blue-eyed girl helped my friend and I escape a boring party. I’d been thinking about that girl for quite some time, but I always pushed her out of my mind because I didn’t need to fall in love with another emotionally unavailable person. Then I saw her with her hair down, and I was stunned. I knew she was beautiful, but I never imagined that she was that radiant. That day, I watched her get us out of sticky situations by coming up with creative solutions. Then again, she always did amazing stuff like that...she was my everyday Ladybug. She was always brave, kind, and selfless. I’m surprised I didn’t let myself completely fall for her sooner.”

“Wait,” she shook her head, “you actually noticed me?”

“How could I not? Honestly, I didn’t think I stood a chance with you or Ladybug, so when Kagami told me that she loved me, I went for it. Unfortunately, she and I didn’t mesh very well. We were...too similar. I need someone who compliments me...someone who’s my other half. You know...the yin to my yang. That’s when I realized that I would never be over Ladybug, and that wasn’t fair to Kagami.”

“I’m sorry...I just wanted you to be happy.”

“No,” he began, “you don’t understand. I finally found my happiness. Marinette, I love you, too...I always have. I now know that we really are destined to be together.”

Marinette bit her lip. “So, you’re okay with maybe...um...being in a relationship?”

Adrien tightened his hold on her. “Oh, God, yes! When I found out that you and Ladybug were the same person, I was overjoyed. Then, I remembered Luka, and I thought he was the reason why you kept pushing away Chat. The idea of not having a chance with either of you drove me crazy today. I was filled with so many questions, so I ran across the rooftops hoping to find some answers...and now the answer to everything is in my arms, and I never want to let go.”

“Then don’t...just hold me.”

“For as long as you want me to, my lady.”

For several minutes, they sat quietly in each other’s arms. Marinette could feel his love for her in every breath he took. For the first time in months, she felt safe and whole.

Adrien chucked when Marinette yawned loudly. “I think it’s time for someone to get to bed.”

She shook her head. “Nope. Not happening.”

“And why not?”

“A couple reasons. One...you promised to never let go. Two...because I’m afraid that I’ll go to sleep and wake up only to discover that this was all a dream.”

“Okay, unfortunately, I have to physically let you go, but my heart beats only for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I will always be yours. Also, I hate to break it to you, Princess, but this is most definitely not a dream. I’m very real, and once I’m done with my lessons in the morning, I will be spending the rest of the day with you tomorrow...well, today. I guess it’s already tomorrow.”

“That sounds nice.” Marinette was finding it harder to resist against the heaviness of her eyelids.

He rested his forehead against hers. “If you go to sleep now, time will pass by much faster, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

“No...I just got you. I don’t want you to leave.”

“Will you go to bed if I stay here until you fall asleep?”

“Okay...I guess that’ll work,” she said with a playful shrug.

He softly kissed her forehead. “Anything for you, Princess.”

Adrien settled himself next to Marinette and placed his head onto her pillow. He once again pulled her close and allowed her to bury her head in his soft cotton t-shirt. The gentle rise and fall of his chest and his comforting warmth quickly became her new obsession.

With a smile on her face, Marinette gave into the overwhelming wave of exhaustion that washed over her. She slept soundly knowing that Adrien would always be by her side.

Now that the wall between them was finally gone, Marinette knew that together they would be an unstoppable force. Her duties and Ladybug and the Guardian no longer seemed daunting and insurmountable.

Marinette had Adrien, and Chat Noir had Ladybug.

They had each other.

They were finally complete.

AO3

FanFiction

[mychemicalficrecs]

sorry to bother you but do you know of any fics like the unholyverse??? i read it and absolutely loved it & would like to read somethinh similar lol

Hi there!

Tbh I kind of haven't (yet) 😅There's a whole bunch of fic with religious themes, horror and/or supernatural elements though, I'm sure you'll find something interesting!

Here's a link to the Unholyverse series again for everyone interested.

And just for the record: you're not a bother, I love making these lists!

If You Liked Unholyverse...

Not A Saint by happilyappled, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Explicit. Father Way is not just a priest and Frank is not just any other man.

Tell Me I'm an Angel by SeraphStarshine, Frank/Gerard, 205k, Mature. Gerard thought that committing suicide would finally end it: no more pain, no more sorrow - nothing. The last thing he expected was to wake up in Hell, reborn as a demon under Lucifer’s control. He is planning on ending himself - for good this time - when he runs into an angel named Frank. Even though it is forbidden, he can’t resist spending time with him, and before he even realizes what is happening, he has fallen in love with this mysterious angel. Little does he know that their innocent romance is a part of something much greater which could ignite an all-out war between Heaven and Hell.

Father Way. by Frnk, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Not Rated. Father Way was the youngest priest in the parish, he had only joined a few months ago and Frank completely stopped going to confessions. Its not that Father Way was some old man, it was the opposite. He was around 25, fresh out of training when he joined the church.

Won't You Light My Way? by FallOutFromGrace, Frank/Gerard, 6k [WIP], Explicit. The land of the living became all the more interesting when one of the humans he was trying to turn to his own desires happened to have a spark of the divine. Well, for Gerard, at least. To everyone else, it was a horrific disaster and possibly and end to an era ruled by the spirits and entities down below. To him, it was an improvement to a boring existence.

Hunting With Bullets by Oni216, 21k [WIP], Mature. Having a band is the perfect cover to fight evil that lurks in the dark. It provides distraction, a reason to live, and decent lyrics for no one to fully understand. And it takes its toll. It always takes a toll.

From Grace by blood_infexions, Frank/Gerard, 40k, Explicit. “The connection a guardian angel will have to their human surpasses anything mortal man could fathom. It is pure, untainted love.” Frank is Gerard's guardian angel... until Gerard attempts suicide. Consequentially he is sent down to earth to live as a human again.

Desecrated Kids by wellthisisprettyrisque (collettephinz), Frank/Gerard, 144k, Explicit. Everyone moves into a new town and thinks it's strange. Stepping out of the car with a weird feeling tingling down the back of your neck isn't actually that unheard of, but finding that unmarked grave in the woods behind your house is. Frank Iero wonders if his mother moved him here so he'd disappear off the face of the planet, or if she actually wants the body to be found. All he knows is that this town has some horrible things happening to it, and no one seems to care enough to lift their heads and actually see. He has no idea what's going on, and is one of the few people that wants to find out. Luckily, Gerard is a few steps ahead of him.

Howl (Frerard Werewolf AU) by FrerardAndTheAssbutts666, Frank/Gerard, 18k, Teen And Up Audiences. In a small village, the townspeople all live together in harmony. But when a young woman is found dead, a wave of fear washes over the former peaceful village. Especially when signs of Werewolves, and Witches are linked to the murder. 17 year old Gerard Way is a young man who is well liked by everyone in the village, partly due to his families status in the village. Despite the fact that his village is a God fearing one and he wears dresses. And when another murder is committed, showing the same signs as the first, the village turns to full blown panic, and reinforcements are sent in to help. A Werewolf hunter and his son have traveled to help save this village from the belly of the beast, all while Gerard begins to question everything. The only person he could truly trust during this time of fear, is his boyfriend and lover, Frank. Frank and Gerard have been having a secret relationship, fearing they would be condemned to death if anyone knew. But as more blood is shed and more bodies hit the ground, Gerard begins to piece together that the beast is closer than he thinks. (Loosely based off Red Riding Hood with Amanda Seyfried and Gary Goldman...Okay more like its pretty based off it :p.)

Written in the Sand by Scarlet_Cross, Sarah/Brendon in a later fic, 28k, Teen And Up Audiences. Desert is brutal, it gives no second chances. It demands respect, sacrifice, and blood. (It's set in a super AU danger days pre-music videos universe. Mostly centered on the MCR boys, but there will be cameos, references, and side shoot offs into different bandom areas.)

The psalm of David by ratfromasewer, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Teen And Up Audiences. There's the world that's "after" and there's the world that's "before". After the slippery road, the accident, the almost-becoming-an-angel.

Stairway to Heaven by fleurdeliser, tuesdaysgone, Frank/Grant/Gerard, 58k, Explicit. Father Way accidentally taps into the memories of an angel, and stumbles into the middle of a millennia-long doomed romance.

Shadows In The Parking Lot by cellphonecharm_au, Frank/Gerard, 61k, Explicit. In which there’s a mass grave under Frank and Ray’s apartment complex, Frank doesn’t believe in ghosts, & Frank’s ex-boyfriend is, conveniently, a paranormal consultant.

Shadowplay by theoretically_yours, Frank/Gerard, 74k [WIP], Explicit. Malimore is a small town in Southern California where ghosts are as common as any other household pest and vampires come out to steal the souls of humans at midnight. Frank Iero is a young paranormal investigator whose interest in the supernatural began after the bizarre and untimely death of his parents. One day, when he and his partner take on a particularly gruesome case, all hell breaks loose with Frank caught at the very center. This is the story of how it all happened.

When Both Our Fates Collide (Frerard) by A_A_Dolan, Frank/Gerard, 11k, Mature. Frank Iero is a loner traveler who is a demon hunter. He is part demon due to him having to sacrifice part of his soul to save the life of his son, Miles, after losing his wife and twin daughters to demons. Along the way, Frank has a quest to save the life of someone who can save humankind from death and destruction. A man by the name of Gerard Way. Frank ends up finding Gerard...as a professional, exotic dancer in the bad part of town. Gerard is special and unique and it’s Frank’s job to protect him at all costs. Eventually Frank discovers that Gerard is an angel and has powers stronger than all demons combined...when that news gets out, all demons and angels are on the search for Gerard.

Love will scares us apart by francoantoniohierro, Frank/Gerard, 56k, Mature, Explicit. Haunted House AU. Frank Iero is looking for answers after the death of his best friend. The only people willing to help are the Way brothers. On the other hand, the Way brothers are two paranormal experts looking for amusement.

Famous Last Words by SaskiaK, 22k, Mature. The Paramour Mansion is not for the faint-hearted. Mikey recalls some of events that almost tore him apart

Stay out of the Light by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 10k, Explicit. Reserved bookworm Gerard, and arrogant, conceited boyfriend Frank are best friends, though they share little in common. They share even less in common when Frank mysteriously gains an appetite for human blood. As their classmates are steadily killed off in gruesome attacks, Gerard must uncover the truth behind his boyfriend's transformation and find a way to stop the bloodthirsty rampage before it reaches his own brother Mikey. Jennifer's Body AU

The Brandy of the Damned by Nokomis, Gen, 15k, Teen And Up Audiences. An ill-advised detour leads My Chem to a town populated by the dead.

Get Up and Kill by MontyKarl, 10k, Teen And Up Audiences. The zombie apocalypse is upon us. The Way Brothers may well be our only hope...or at the very least their only hope.

In The Walls by thesamefire, Gen, 72k, Teen And Up Audiences. When My Chemical Romance move into the Paramour, they get a lot more than they bargained for. All they want to do is write an epic album, but Mikey is falling apart and Gerard isn't sure what to do about it—or about the fact that they're trapped inside the house with no escape from the increasingly strange and terrible things that are happening to them.

Break The Walls (And Kill Us All) by tabulaxrasa, Frank/Gerard, 27k, Mature. Frank owns an antique store, but he's not very good at it. About the only thing he IS good at is having a crush on his best customer. Until Frank unknowingly unleashes something into his shop— something that doesn't like him very much. And it's not going away any time soon.

the house that dripped blood by addandsubtract, Frank/Mikey, 11k, Mature. “When do we leave?” Mikey asks, and Gerard steps back. “Two weeks,” he says, and Mikey sees flashes of empty hallways and open doors as Gerard pulls his fingers away.

[dilfdarling]

Unnoticed [Jason Scott x Reader]

Request: Could you do something like the reader thought Jason never noticed her and then during the battle the red ranger saves her and once the battle is done and everything, he goes to check on her and asks her out?

Word Count: 1,952

A/N: I’m not sure how much I like certain parts of this. I haven’t actually written in about a month, so I’m a little rusty. I have read over it a couple times, and had another pair of eyes read it as well, but there might still be mistakes. Hope you all enjoy this though, and also, if you would like to be tagged in future writings let me know! My requests are OPEN! Also, if you are looking for another Power Ranger blog to follow, go check out my sister @zacktxylor! Her requests are also open!

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You stood at your locker, your eyes stuck to Jason Scott. He stood at his locker, but you couldn’t see what he was doing. You bit your lip and sighed. You had liked Jason for a while. At first it was a harmless crush. And maybe it was still just that, but one day you realized you were in too deep.

Jason never seemed to notice you though. You had spoken to him a couple times, once at lunch and another time when you had bumped into him because you were too focused on your thoughts to realize he was in front of you. You became a flustered mess and picked up your books and dignity off the floor and rushed to your class. He hadn’t seemed to even look at you after that.

You watched as Kimberly walked up to him and you felt yourself pout. He was always with her. He was with his other friends a lot as well, but those two seemed close. You could feel your heart sink when he lit up as she spoke to him.

“Y/N, what are you doing?”

You jumped, your hand slamming your locker. You looked to see your best friend, Tracy, beside you. You scowled at her and tensed, “Nothing. I’m just putting my stuff up, getting ready to go home. You know, what normal teens do after school?”

“Well,” Tracy leaned against a locker and smirked at you, “you aren’t too normal, and you were just standing there with your locker open, while clearly staring at Jason.”

“Leave me alone,” you groaned and threw your bag over your shoulder.

“No, I can tell you have it pretty bad for him, maybe you should say something. I think you should talk to him.”

Your face fell and you narrowed your eyes, “are you serious? I mean, I can see where you’re coming from, but, I don’t want to start talking to him because what if he doesn’t even know I exist? I know he’s talked to me before, but what if he forgot about me? Or doesn’t even know my name?”

“Y/N,” Tracy placed her hand on your shoulder, “those might be possible scenarios, but he could also know who you are, and even like you back!”

“But, he could also not like me. At all.”

It was Tracy's turn to groan. You walked past her and towards the school exit. You could hear her call out for you as you walked outside. It wasn’t like you were going to leave her though, she was your ride after all.

It had been a couple days since Tracy had tried to convince you to talk to Jason. You had kept thinking about what she had said, and you had thought about talking to him several times, but he was always with his other friends. You also weren’t too sure what you would even say to him if you gathered the courage to talk to him.

You sat in Tracy’s car, your expression was blank and you stared off. You thought about the recent happenings in Angel Grove. Someone had been stealing gold, and had even gone as far as destroying some jewelry store. Angel Grove was a small town, you never thought something like that would ever happen.

You sighed and looked at the clock. Tracy had gone into Krispy Kreme five minutes ago to get donuts. You were pretty sure it shouldn’t take that long. You shifted in your seat, taking your seat belt off. You debated on going inside, to see what Tracy was doing.

Before you could open your door, you heard a scream rip through the air. The ground shook and your eyes widened. Your first thought was that there was an earthquake. You moved to open the car door and as you looked out of the window you froze. Some large golden creature was making its way towards the town, destroying everything in its path.

You jumped from the car and rushed into Krispy Kreme, “Tracy! Forget the donuts. We need to leave right now!”

Tracy ran towards you and looked outside. Her jaw dropped when she seen the gold monster. She grabbed your shoulders and turned you, leading you in the opposite direction. Everyone had noticed the town was under attack and people flooded the streets. Tracy held your wrist tightly, trying to keep a hold of you as she rushed through the crowd.

Someone shoved into you and you tumbled over. Your body collided with someone else’s and you heard them yell. You were pushed to the ground, and you felt that Tracy wasn’t holding your wrist anymore.

You pushed yourself up, trying to avoid getting trampled. You called out for your friend, but the other sounds drowned out your voice. Anxiety set in. Your heart sped up and tears pricked your eyes. Your chest tightened and tried to push yourself forward, you needed to get somewhere safer. You couldn’t seem to move though. You struggled to catch your breath and take a step forward.

You turned to look at the town, seeing how everything was quickly being destroyed. You heard something overhead and you looked up. You saw a mechanical looking pink pterodactyl fly over you and adrenaline kicked in. You decided it would be best to look for cover.

As you ran forward you saw the ground begin to shake and rise. You slid to a stop and stepped back. Some rock creature was forming in front of you. You were frozen. You knew there was no way you could get past that rock form, and you also knew you did not want to run back into town, where death was inescapable.

You took a few steps back and the ground shook again, leaving you falling backwards. You felt your ankle twist and you winced as you slammed into the hard ground. Before you could react and try to get away from the monster, somebody ran past you. Somebody in a full body of armor.

They quickly took out the monster and turned to you. Your jaw dropped and your heart rate quickened. They took a step towards you and panic took over. You scooted back and flinched from the pain in your ankle.

“Y/N, it’s alright.”

You tensed. This person knew who you were. They walked towards you and gently picked you up. They rushed you towards safety, making sure to not hurt you. Once you reached a secure area you were lightly set down.

“Thank you,” was all that you could seem to force out.

Before you knew it, your saviour was gone. You sat on the ground and tried to take in everything that had happened. You couldn’t help but wonder how they knew your name.

“Y/N!” Tracy yelled as she ran towards you, “oh my god, where were you? Are you alright?”

“Um, yea,” you looked up at her, “I think so.”

She bent down and helped you stand up. You leaned over on her and she steadied you. You heard gasps and you looked up. You watched as the large mechanical dinosaurs were being destroyed. You felt your heart sink as you watched them get pushed back into some pit. Tracy’s grip on you tightened and you tried your best to comfort her.

Your eyes widened as you watched the people trying to save your town quickly fall into the large pit. You couldn’t help but think about everything you hadn’t done in life. And you knew it was probably not the best, but you couldn’t help but think about not talking to Jason. You knew that even if you had talked to Jason, this would probably still be happening, but now that everything seemed to be coming to an end you couldn’t quit thinking about all of your regrets.

Before you accepted the fact that your town was going to be obliterated and you were dying, you heard a loud eruption and looked up. Something was coming back out of the pit. A large robot emerged from the pit and you felt hope once again.

The rest of the fight was a blur to you. The giant gold creature was taken out, and the woman controlling it was taken care of. People rushed around the town and ambulances and paramedics tried to check on everyone they could.

You sat on a sidewalk that was somehow still in tact, Tracy sitting beside you. You ran your hand through your hair and bit the inside of your lip.

“You know,” you looked over at Tracy, “since we actually survived an alien attack, I might actually take your advice and talk to Jason.”

Tracy smirked at you and let out a laugh. Her eyes shifted from you and she gave you a toothy grin, “well, I hope you know what you’re gonna say, because he is heading over here right now.”

Your eyes widened and you turned around. Jason walked towards you, his hands stuck in his pockets and a concerned look on his face.

“I’m going to leave now, text me later,” she winked at you and stood up.

You grabbed for her hand and tried to stop her. She was too fast though. You watched as she left and you pouted. Jason sat down beside you and you took a deep breath. You turned to him and gave him a soft smile and mumbled a quick ‘hello’.

“Hey Y/N, just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he asked, looking over you.

You could feel you heart jump as he said your name, “yea, I mean, my ankle’s kinda messed up, but it’ll heal. I’m pretty sure I don’t need medical attention, so I’ll be good. What about you? Have you heard anything from your family?”

You noticed that he didn’t seem as beat up or dirty as everyone else. He did seem visibly tired, but he was clearly in better shape than you were.

“I’m fine, and so are they. What about yours?”

“They’re getting checked by the paramedics now, but they’re okay. As okay as you can be after an alien attack.”

Jason smiled at you, and his eyes moved from yours down to your wrist, “what happened?”

“Oh,” you realized a bruise was forming from where Tracy had been dragging you, “um, my friend tried to pull me to safety. I guess she was holding me too tightly. I’m not sure why, because she ended up losing me anyway.”

A silence fell between the two of you and your teeth scraped your bottom lip. You wondered if Jason had just come to check up on you. You almost expected him to just get up at any moment and leave. But, he didn’t.

Jason ran a hand through his hair and looked to the pavement before his eyes returned to yours, “I was wondering if you wanted to go out this weekend? Maybe we could go to the movies or something?”

You felt your jaw clench and your cheeks heat up. Your eyes widened from surprise and you felt yourself stumbling on your words. Your heart was pounding and you hands gripped your thighs.

“I would love to,” you finally formed a coherent sentence.

The two of you swapped numbers and you were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that Jason knew who you were, and had actually liked you. Maybe he realized after almost dying from an alien attacking the town, or maybe he always knew. You hoped it was the latter, but you didn’t question it. Jason Scott had asked you out and shared the feelings you felt for him, and that was all you needed.

[this-sapphic-paradise]

I’ll be watching over you - Part 1

So this story was written based on this prompt @bungledramblingsofalesbianmind sent me.

It got out of hand, and I had to break it down into parts... I also lost count of how many times I cried writing it!

(all mistakes are mine)

Trigger Warning for character death (which I never thought I would write tbh...)

It dawns on her days after a particularly rough mission. She had been hurt, nothing that had ever bothered her before, but it was days later and Alex could still see the bruises all over her body.

That day she walks into the bathroom and takes a hard look at herself, noticing wrinkles and expression marks where, not too long ago, there was nothing but smooth skin. Sighing heavily, Alex picks up her phone, and clicks on the name of the person she wants to speak with.

“Lena? It’s Alex. I need a favor.”

They start working on it then; every week Lena and Alex meet up, and work on their project for hours on end.

Years pass; Alex reluctantly makes the transition from field agent to Director once J’onn decides to step down from his position to be a fulltime member of the Justice League. He assures her that she is ready, and that she will do great, and for once, Alex doesn’t doubt that.

She starts going less and less into the field. Over the years, Kara has grown so much, thinking before she acts, taking the time to ask for Alex’s opinion or assistance before jumping into a problem. Alex knows she has done right by Kara, and she could not be prouder of the woman and hero she has become.

Until one day, Alex feels a throbbing pain in her chest, and she only has enough time to call out Maggie’s name before her vision blurs, and she falls unconscious on the floor.

Maggie knows her right procedures, and even though she can’t imagine how panicked her wife was to find her like that, Alex knows she remembered what to do, because she wakes up at the DEO medical bay, not the general hospital.

Kara is there, alongside Maggie, but when the doctor comes in to explain to Alex what happened to her, Alex asks them both to leave, and she instructs the doctors to turn on the device that unables Kara to listen in.

“It’s the kryptonite, Director Danvers.” The doctor explains with a pained expression on her face, the expression that had set off the alarms on Alex’s mind, and made her ask Maggie and Kara to leave. “It wasn’t until very recently that we started studying the effects it has on humans. We had no reason to, but it acts like any other nuclear element, it slowly poisoned you over the years… I-I’m sorry, Director, but y-you don’t have too much time…”

Alex swallows hard, tears streaming down her face. “You cannot tell Kara. Do you understand?”

The doctor is surprised by that, she expected denial, anger, fear….but she did not foresee see the director putting her sister’s feelings before her own. “O-Of course, Director. What do you wish to tell her? What about your wife?”

“I…” Alex’s voice fails her, and she swallows hard again around the knot that is forming in her throat. “I’ll tell her the truth. P-Please, ask Maggie to come in first.”

Alex can hear Kara arguing at the door, but something Maggie says to her calms her down, because suddenly Alex can’t hear her anymore.

The frightened look on Maggie’s face is more heart-breaking to Alex than the news she had just received, and it only gets worse when the doctor explains to Maggie that there is no cure.

Denial.

Anger.

Fear.

The doctor gets plenty of each of those from Maggie, and it takes every ounce of self-restraint she has in her body to not storm out and do take everything she is feeling out on Kara, because if it weren’t for her, Alex would be as healthy as ever, and she would get to grow gray and old with the love of her life.

“You can’t tell her either, Maggie.” Alex says meekly, trying to reach out to take her wife’s hand.

Maggie lets Alex hold her hand, but she looks even more upset than before. “Why not? She did this to you! She needs to know!”

Alex can’t stop crying; somehow, she feels like she’s letting everyone down. “It’s not her fault, Maggie, you know that. You’re angry and sacred, and I am too, but I need you to do this for me, okay? Please?”

“Damn it, Danvers.” Maggie smiles painfully through her sobs, because she just can’t believe this is happening. “I thought we were gonna become the old ladies down the street…the old lesbian couple with all the cats…” Another sob wrecks Maggie’s body, and she falls over, laying half her body on top of her wife’s. “I can’t do this without you, Alex, I c-can’t…”

Alex runs her fingers through Maggie’s hair, and somehow, it feels like it’s the first time she is doing that; Alex doesn’t know if there’s an afterlife, she just in case there is, she tries to commit to memory how soft Maggie’s hair feels against her skin as she runs her fingers through them. “You can, and in time you will, Maggie, because you’re strong, stronger than everyone I know…including Kara.” Alex gently pulls on Maggie’s shoulder to get her to look at her. “She can’t know, Maggie. Losing me will be hard enough, but if she finds out it’s because of the kryptonite, she won’t forgive herself, and I’m afraid of what that might do to her.”

They talk for a few more minutes until they hear an impatient knock on the door, and they know it’s Kara.

“I’ll come back later, okay?” Maggie promises, placing a sweet kiss to Alex’s forehead. “and I’ll bring you some clothes from home.”

Maggie leaves, and at that very same second, Kara is by Alex’s side, holding her hand. Alex can see Kara moving her mouth, she knows her sister is talking to her, but all Alex can do is notice how Kara hasn’t aged a single day; she still looks exactly like that clumsy girl who managed to save her plane from crashing down. Kara has matured, but she hasn’t aged, and part of Alex resents her for that; for being nearly indestructible, for being able to do so many extraordinary things, for not having to worry too much about not going back to her own wife after a tough fight.

And because the rock that Alex spent her entire life protecting Kara from is ultimately her own downfall.

“Alex? Alex? Can you hear me?” Kara’s voice brings Alex back to the present, and in the back of her mind she chastises herself for letting those old feelings resurface; feelings that she has already dealt with.  

“Yes, I’m sorry, Kara, I can. I’m here.”

“Alex, what’s going on? I’m scared.” Kara doesn’t know what’s happening yet, but Maggie left crying so she knows it’s something bad.

“I’m sorry, Kara…” Alex starts crying again; that knot in her throat seeming ten times bigger now. “I-I…I won’t be around for much longer…”

“No!!” A sob wrecks Kara’s body, and she shakes her head refusing to believe her sister. “No, no, no, Alex…. No! Not you…I can’t lose you too!” the words come out strained, her voice high in despair.

“Kara…”

“No!” Kara says firmly, holding her hand up to stop Alex. “I-I’ll talk to Lena, okay? She- She’ll figure something out! She has to!”

“Kara,” Alex tries again, pushing herself up to try to sit up, but she’s stopped short as pain shoots through her chest, and she winces louder than she would have liked.

The sound halts Kara’s panic attack; she knows her sister too well, she knows that a healthy Alex Danvers would never let herself wince like that. “Please,” Kara’s voice is softer, sounding almost calm, “Don’t try to sit up, you need to rest.” Kara tells herself she can panic later, but now she’ll do her best to remain calm for her sister.

Alex wants to scoff, she wants to say, “I’m not dead!” But she will be soon, and neither of them needs the reminder so she doesn’t put up a fight.

Kara sits next to Alex on the bed, and taking a calming breath, she asks, “What exactly did the doctor say?”

Alex recites the lie she rehearsed with the doctor, a convincing story about an alien element she came in contact with during her last field mission, and how they are still trying to figure out what the element is, and only then will they be able to start studying its effects and how to reverse them.

“The best lies are laced with hints of truth, doctor.” Alex said with a sad smile; after a lifetime of lying, Alex knows too damn well what works and what doesn’t.

“And- and…” Kara stutters, trying her best to dry every tear falling from her eyes. “And h-how long d-do you have?” She has to bite her lip at the of the question to keep a whimper from escaping her.

Alex’s cool façade breaks for a second, and she wants to grab Kara’s hands, she wants to sink her fingernails into her sister’s skin, and scream at the top of her lungs that she is not ready to go; that there are still so many things she hasn’t done, so many places she hasn’t had the chance to take Maggie to. Alex wants to scream. She wants to admit to her sister that she is terrified, that she doesn’t want to suffer, that she’s scared to her very core.

But Alex Danvers never puts herself before anyone.

She swallows her pain.

She pushes her fear down.

And she replies, “The doctor isn’t sure. It could be a week, it could be a month… They have no way to be sure…”

Kara may be the girl of steel, she may be the hero that never physically bends or breaks, but she is not as strong as Alex, she has never been. A disgruntled noise boils from the pit of her stomach, and makes its way up, forcing Kara to double over as the sound escapes her mouth, leaving her a sobbing mess in front of her sister.

“You are going to be okay, Kara.” Alex says through her own tears. “I need to be strong for me, I need you to look after Maggie when I’m gone. She will try to push you away, but remind her that she is a Danvers too, and we, Danvers, look after our own, okay? Promise me, Kara. I need you to promise you won’t let her feel alone.”

Kara only cries harder, because of course her sister isn’t thinking of herself even in a time like this. “I promise, I promise.” Kara repeats over and over again.

“Good.” Alex smiles softly.

“But we can try to fight this, Alex! There has to be a way!” Kara insists.

“Kara…” Alex lets her gaze drop. “I don’t think we can fight our way out of this one…”

Another heartbreaking sob escapes Kara’s lips, and she lays down next to Alex, holding her until Maggie comes back.

That night, National City residents feel the ground shake as Kara takes out her anger, her fear, and her frustration by leveling a mountain or two on the outskirts of the city.

[fuckyeahscandalband]

SCANDAL's RINA; "It's me RINA" Style Book Translations Part 4 of 5 - RINA 100 Q&A

From here onwards, it's where it gets personal with RINA. (I've chosen 50 questions that I found most interesting / informative to translate! Now, without further ado...)

1: I want to become better friends with Rina♥ Where shall we go for our next meal? (laughs) (From Funayama Kumiko, model): "Since there's a delicious teppanyaki (iron grilled food) store that I know of, let's go together the next time♥"

2: Since the photos you upload onto Twitter etc., always look so great, I hope you'll teach me some photography skills next time! (From Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, singer): "I use the mirrorless camera, OLYMPUS PEN Lite E-PL7! Recently, I've taken a liking to filtering them to make them look warmer♥"

3: We've often gone on movie dates, but if RINA could be cast as the main lead, what sort of role would be good for you? (From Kanno Yui, model): "Waa...that's tough. (laughs) Since I'm too great with speaking in standard Japanese, a mysterious role where I have few lines will be good, I suppose?"

4: How do you spend your off-days? (From Kondo Chihiro, model): "Hair salon, nail salon, French language school. And then on my way back, I'll do some shopping or go to the cinema. However, I also have days which I spend at home sleeping."

5: What's the most scandalous thing that RINA has ever done in history!? (From Wakita Keiko, model): "Releasing a style book!!"

6: What are areas of yourself that you like and dislike? (From HARUNA, SCANDAL member): "Like = I try hard at things. Dislike = That I'm too stubborn."

7: I've always been secretly wondering, but 10 years ago, when the 4 of us had thaat training camp together, you slept with your hair all pulled back and in a bun. Is it still that way now? (From HARUNA, SCANDAL member): "You remember so well...(laughs). I'll pin my fringe up and sleep like that. But when I had long hair, I hate that my hair gets damaged when there's friction against the pillow, so I'll tie it up."

8: When we were on tour, we regularly hit various vintage shops in all the different places. Which vintage shop is the one you enjoyed the most? (From TOMOMI, SCANDAL member): "Takamatsu's 81/2! I had such good memories talking about girl bands with 2 of the shop's staff, so it's a recent place that I enjoyed the most. Since the shop name was a movie title, that drew me in, and is one of the enjoyable points about it."

9: What is your favourite French word? (From MAMI, SCANDAL member): "'Allo?' It's like, 'Moshi moshi' in French. It sounds cute, and was the first word I took in when I started learning and watching movies."

10: What was the first CD you ever bought?: "Morning Musume.'s 'Best! Morning Musume. 1'."

11: What is your favourite SCANDAL song of all?: "I always like the new songs best! So for now, it's 'Take Me Out'!"

What's the artist you listened the most to up till now?: "Chatmonchy"

12: Are you not tired from waving your neck about so much during lives?: "It's OK even if I'm tired!!"

13: Which song gets you feeling the most excited when performing it?: "SUKI-SUKI"

14: Have you ever been frantic during a live?: "Not really. Even if anything happened, I will think, 'It's okay!' and just do it."

15: Out of all the lives you've done up till now, which live left you with the greatest impression?: "Our first-ever Osaka-jo Hall one-man live. It was our greatest goal that we've always aimed for. When we performed the song, "one piece", which was written for the day when wr fulfill our dreams, I could see many people crying and breaking down, and I was really happy. No matter the number of times I get up there, it's a place that gives me special feelings."

16: When you first came to Tokyo, how did you enjoy yourself?: "Since those were streets that I've looked up to ever since I was a kid, I was happy enough just by going to (Shibuya) 109 or (Harajuku's) Takeshita-dori. I'm really happy to be able to live in Tokyo!"

17: What are some pointers to take note of in order to get slim?: "Generally, I don't really bother! 2 weeks before a shoot or something, I'll just not eat sweet or fried foods. But I don't think being slim = cuteness!"

18: What's something that fans have said to you before that made you the happiest?: "I love you!"

19: Are you able to speak standard Japanese?: "I think I've naturally gotten better than before!"

20: What dish are you good at making?: "Gyoza!"

21: What dialects do you like?: "Fukuoka dialects!"

22: What sport do you like, or a sport that you often enjoy watching?: "Tennis! I did soft tennis as my extra curricular activity from when I was in the 1st to 3rd year of middle school. But I still like it even now!"

23: Dogs or cats?: "Cats"

24: Words that you like?: "Welcome home"

25: What's the most important thing to you?: "My mother"

26: Do you listen to your own songs usually?: "Yeap, I do sometimes! When a new song is done, all the members and I will also gather together in the car to listen to it together."

27: What are some must-sing songs for you during karaoke?: "Hamasaki Ayumi's 'STEP You', Otsuka Ai's 'Planetarium', and aiko's 'Andromeda'"

28: Up till when do you think you will continue with SCANDAL?: "Until my body and heart is unable to go on anymore."

29: When putting on make-up, what's the most important point?: "The base make-up"

30: What do guys do that make your heart race?: "The expression on their faces, when they talk about the things they like."

31: Since when did you start putting on make-up?: "Since the Summer holiday of when I was 15. After getting together in a band, and also with the influence from the older members, I felt like I wanted to do my make-up properly."

32: Are you the type to confess your feelings to the person you like?: "I think, surely, I'll be the type to confess."

33: If you were a guy, what sort of job will you have?: "I can't imagine it (laughs). But, a hair stylist or something seems nice."

34: I heard you went to a language school previously, but why's that?: "Right now, I'm going to a French language school. Midway through our 2015 world tour, we visited Paris' Bataclan venue for a live, and 7 months later, there was an unexpected terrorist attack there. I thought, 'The next time when we go to Paris for a live, I want to speak my thoughts in my own words', and that was the chance for me.

35: Anything that made you panic recently?: "When we participated in a marathon at the event in Hawaii, midway, I got the route wrong, my cap flew due to the wind, and when the moment I reached the goal-line, I was instantly interviewed so I was shocked. Is such a small panic incident okay?"

36: If you were alone on a deserted island, what's the one thing you'll bring?: "Camera"

37: What is one thing you want to do before you die?: "Bring my family to Hawaii."

38: What is your dream right now?: "To rewrite the Guinness world record, as the girls band with the record of having the longest activity."

39: Do you have a goal for yourself, 10 years later?: "To go to Europe on my own, and have the language ability to communicate myself."

40: I heard you're poor with liquor, but how much is your limit?: "Cocktails 3 glasses, champagne 3 mouthfuls, umeshu (Japanese liquor) 3cm."

41: What's something you'll definitely bring along during live tours?: "Since I don't wipe my face with anything other than my own towel, I definitely will bring that. I want to be less of a clean freak, but I can't."

42: When something bad happnes or when tough times come along, how does RINA move forward?: "I'll think of how I'm going to die someday. I won't overthink it, but I'll think, 'I really only have one life!' Everything is fine to me, and I want to try doing anything I can, and this helps me move forward."

43: What's the most fun about your life up till now?: "Being a part of the band."

44: Recently, what has made you happy about your private life?: "Discovering wonderful vintage shops down at Takamatsu."

45: Other than Japan, what our countries do you want to try living in?: "Paris (France), Los Angeles (USA)"

46: What licenses or certifications do you have interest in?: "Driver's license or a nail stylist certificate."

47: What sightseeing spot do you recommend in Nara?: Yoshino Lake. When I was a grade school student, I often went there with my family to do barbeques or swim in the water."

48: Is there something that sits at the back of your mind everyday?: "Updating my SNS everyday."

49: What are you into recently, or something that you're starting to take an interest in?: "Flea markets and markets abroad. They sometimes have it in Japan too, and I recommend checking out rare and retro goods!

50: You're the indoor type on your off-days right? To be more specific, what do you do?: "I haven't been staying home all the way during my off-days lately, but sometimes, when I'm home, I'll be watching movies I suppose."

This section also sees Rina introducing a bunch of her favourite vintage shops. They include:

Grimoire Almadel: A must-check for one-piece outfits that I want!!

DEPT@VACANT: Great for large-sized logo T-shirts♥

SLOW DAIKANYAMA: Very popular with the ladies, and full of accessories or little trinkets♥

vintage Qoo Omotesando: Can't go wrong with this place when you're searching for a vintage bag!!

birthdeath: Filled with silk or satin vintage wear.

Translations & photos by fyscandalband. To purchase, click HERE. For my "It's me RINA" tag, click HERE. As I’ll only translate what piques my interest, this is only a part of the interview and not a full translation. More to come.