#writing this kinda made me sad for harper tbh

[childofgabriel]

continuing my last post, here are some spacekru moments i'd like to see flashbacks about (pushing for my spacekru spin off):

- murphy's coma. that must have been WILD and so scary since no one is medically trained. the GUILT that monty must have been feeling

- raven teaching emori about mechanic stuff. i can imagine raven was doing her usualt raven stuff and emori just kinda watched from afar, slowly coming closer each day til raven offered to teach emori some things. from there on they spent more and more time together, emori learning a lot

- emori and echo bonding over being grounders in space together. that must have been really difficult for them, never having been in space before and not knowing what to expect, missing earth so much

- spacekru finding booze. i know it happened, i know they cheered, i know they got drunk as hell

- i know this didn't happen (not as far as we know anyway) but murphy learning some medical stuff. he wants to be useful and knows the smallest bit of what he saw clarke and abby doing in the past, so he takes it up to organize the abandoned medbay and try to make something of it

- emori and echo learning to read and write. i'm kinda assuming here that grounders don't read or write, but i could be wrong. i'd really like to see them learn, probably raven and bellamy teaching them. hell, maybe murphy can learn some stuff too ("first son, first to dye")

- on a similar note, emori and echo teaching the others trigedasleng. a really nice exchange of knowledge and culture

- mourning clarke together. bellamy and raven ofc took it really hard, but the others were close with clarke as well or at least knew her good enough

- spacekru haircuts! they all got nice new hairstyles, i'd like to see how the haircuts went between them. maybe the first time they were still a bit wary around each other, feeling uncomfortable with another person coming close to them with scissors / a knife

- training with each other and teaching fighting styles. bellamy and harper can teach the rest how to use guns, while echo can show them how to use swords and a bow. i'm also really impressed by how raven won from echo in their little sparring match (even if echo let her win)

- the "rules" that they made. murphy mentioned they had "too many rules", so i'd like to know what they are. we already know the "time rule" aka not being allowed to mention how long they've been on the ring for, the punishment being a chore. murphy was one of the chores lmao (i'm laughing but that's sad tbh)

- emori and murphy's breakup of course. really want to know what exactly happened and how, since they both seemed to have different takes on it

- bellamy and echo slowly learning to trust each other. i still remember the "will we ever trust each other?" "probably not" (something like that) and BOOM 6 years later they're dating

- maybe a bit more about the ring itself? i'd like to know the layout and what kind of departments they have. the ring looks pretty big, but it seems like they didn't actually have many bedrooms. after murphy pushed emori away, raven says they were forced to bunk together. emori could have chosen a room for herself, but maybe there were just only very limited rooms, 5 or so? seems a bit strange to me for such a large spaceship

- i like to think they had weekly therapy talks, so i'd like to see more about them just being vulnerable with each other and learning their stories

- just more spacekru. i love them and miss them so much. please give us more content of them, literally anything

thanks for reading!

[kimmkitsuragi]

OH GOD OH FUCK IT'S OVER

a looooooong dump post with a lot of screenshots and commentary :) mainly doing this to myself but well if anyone wants to read my silly ramblings ~

starting from right after the gortash fight- i already posted about karlach's incredible :((( cutscene there. but also this:

inconsolable.......... the similarities between their backstories was my first reason for being so invested in starlach from early on- but the sadness in his voice here. god. dont worry my love, i will have an origin run w u where you can go to avernus with her and wyll :((( wyllachstarion will win yet again (YES i am seriously already planning for this- but not immediately because i think i focused on them too much in my first run lmaoooo. but i will do this!!!! they are my babiessss)

alright now the ELDER BRAIN FIGHTS UGHHHHHHHHHHHH i enjoyed all of the endgame sequences sooooo muchhhhhhhhhh

as i already said in other posts, i made laezel a little mad. just a little. i didnt free orpheus 😭😭 i am so curious to see how it plays out in my next runs!! but in this one, i felt like this was the choice Lou would make. and now, let's break down wyllachstarion's reactions to the alternative decisions ~

firstly, we already knew astarion says no to becoming an illithid himself, and his reaction to u possibly becoming one is so sad too... he really keeps urging you to reconsider. and i loved how he prefers freeing orpheus, but he's also fine with the emperor route as long as you dont end up as an illithid. his voice and face in these scenes made me so !!!! it was very well done, i loved it

wyll just being okay with whatever u choose... he stands with you and trusts u in all options. wylllllllllllllllll :( it is such a wyll thing, but i also wish he had a longer dialogue here

and karlach........ god of courseee she sees it as her only way out. i hate this i hate it hereeeeeeeee it's very good writing and acting but karlach!!! i dont want u to be an illithid :((( i ofc picked those options, and she was still supportive- i kinda wished to see her a little more hurt/mad at this but :(((( that would've been a lot harder for me to say no to her lmao. i just want karlach to be happy, is that too much to ask?????

but anyway, in the end i chose to trust the emperor and let him handle the stones. it was fun to have him around in fights ngl :) i never used illithid powers in this run on purpose for rp reasons, so im looking forward to exploring them later. lou's relationship with the emperor have been very umm.... shaky? lmao 😭 lou tried to kill him once, but also otherwise he was a professional ally i think. the emperor didnt even asked to fuck lou :( (lou wouldve said no but sdfbdhbfsd) he never trusted the guy, but also most of the game, he didnt trust many people anyway so it wasnt personal for the emperor lol. he was honestly planning to help laezel and free orpheus until the moment he had to make a decision, but the choices presented at that moment......... man. siding with the emperor felt the safest option at that time, so that's what we went with. it was definitely an interesting allyship!! it was a fun one to experience tho (sidenote, since im talking about the emperor umm. he and ansur definitely had a thing right? yes? alright moving on)

THEN everyone i helped just coming togetherrrrrrrrr awwww 😭😭 even the ox came!! sdnmdshfs i ended up summoning the harpers, the gur, nine fingers' guys, rolan's spell, and dame aylin before i made it to the brain itself lol it was a fun fight too!! it came in phases and i enjoyed all phases tbh. courtyard was v crowded but fun, then trying to climb up to the brain was STRESSFULL honestly but also fun!! the last part seemed intimidating but it was fine in the end. fuck you huge brain. also, i remember fighting the mind flayers at the end of act 2 in moonrise, and they gave me such a hard time i was scared of them lmaoooo and now my lvl12 ass is like huh. astarion can take u out in one turn with his 4 attacks in a row. bitch. sdfhjsfdgs (as always astarion carries the combat so hard for me- whatever will i do without relying on him all the time in my next runs???

and now THE CUTSCENES!!!!!!

astarion on copium.......... he was so happy too. ON GOD WE WILL FIX YOUR SUN ALLERGY (in my mind) - and then having him run off towards the end of this scene :((((((((( alright not to make everything about the same trio jsfdhfdsf but! wonder how that plays out in astarion origin spawn ending?? because i NEED him in the next cutscene with karlach 😤 guess we will find out in some months lol

but for now! wyll and karlach are off to avernus :<<<< and im off with astarion to hopefully find a cure lol. and laezel got mad at me a little (seriously. just a little compared to what i was expecting sdhfhd) and left to go to space and stuff. which is very fair honestly, good luck and sorry girl :( (i wish there was an option to apologize to her for that decision because i really did want to help her, but.......... the choices that i have to make......... so hard)

i ofc said let it gooooo about the crown to gale lol (does this mean i got the "happy" ending for everyone except laezel? :<<<<)

also im obsessed how there are 4 good answers and then just "let's break up" 😭😭 no in between here

alsoooo im very happy to have an epilogue party, but i wish there was a celebration right after the victory party as well!!

nowwww the party!!! my guys arriving to the party <3

(another thing that i realized, i got so attached to playing a "big drow man" character LMAO so i will really need to push myself in character creation the next time. big drow man so lovely and so welcoming to me im sorry. i mean LOOK at my guy here 👇 isnt he so babygirl???)

and i hugged astarion and all i got was this shitty screenshot :<< i am so bad at taking these sometimes dfhdhfd i tried so hard so many times to get the good kissing ones lmao... good thing i have a hard save at the epilogue so i can go hug him again

and his dialogue ending with "i'll always be here, love"................... stop this nonsense why did this make me genuinely emotional............... promise??? promise??????????????? 😭😭😭

laezel is learning about friendship :ooooo im so obsessed with her honestly im so sorry i did you dirty girl 😭😭 i will romance you hopefully soon!!! and we will free orpheus this time!! (as i said, her showing up after not doing that is seriously so big for me lmao. i was worried she'd ditch us!! i love u bestie)

also!!!! really really cute how there were letters from our friends at the chest!!! i really liked reading them. BUT. look who else is here 🙄 miss araj u are not my friend 😒 you CANNOT reclaim darling. do not ever call me darling. goodbye. dont write again.

okay WHY does every line other than hugging him is kinda mean to gale 😭😭 it's true he is my least used companion in this run along with halsin but like.... i dont hate gale at all lmao im planning on using him more in my next run (the same with the other less used companions) (although so far i really do not care for halsin sorry bro) but yeah so i hugged gale...

tara is judging me (another thing is, i literally saw tara once in this run, im guessing she would show up more if i focused on gale more??? please say it happens because i wanna see tara more too lol)

also chose this option just for the chaos of it. can you even imagine. do we want astarion near impressionable young pupils. (gale was pretty okay with it but sir, reconsider please)

i also hugged karlach!!!!!!! well of course!!!! she's glowing blue 🥺🥺🥺 i LOVE how karlach is optimistic about fixing her engine. girl pleaseeeeee dont die the world need you :((((( i loved her epilogue scene so much oughhhhhhh how she's playful but also so emotional!!!! mama k i need youuuuu

and wyllllllllllll i wish i could hug him too ://////// but i love how he's going after mizora KILL HERRRRR let's kill her ughhh let wyll do things for himself!! i love it here!! and he became a ranger 🥺🥺 ranger buddies!!!! lou and wyll and minsc and honorary member astarion (he multiclassed into gloom stalker lol)

speaking of minsc, i want to use him more in my next run too!! this run i recruited him a little too late, and im already a ranger so... i find him genuinely amusing honestly, i dont know the general opinion on his silliness but i feel like i will really enjoy his character!! i especially want him and jaheira in the same party to have more fun lol

seriously the most important character in the game btw ☝

scratch playing with the prism was also soooo 🥺 my little friends... the cub calls scratch big brother 😭😭

and hugged shart too :)

press x to doubt tho 💀

lmaooo can't believe this is a real line:

i like how they look like they're having a conversation here. badass women i need u (also i know i said it already but, more jaheira pls?????? more jaheira im begging??????? she needs voicelines and idle animation at the party pleaseeeeeeee)

weird bug with astarion and his knife tricks made me laugh here:

also, volo literally inviting himself to the party 💀 withers dialogues and ending cutscene was fun too lmao

MY FRIENDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

thank you for listening to my ted talk fr if anyone read all this, you're my friend too let's go to fae-run and take tadpoles together 🤝

[sungbeam]

XNONIE PRESENT (FINALLY) !!!

hi beam! college has been kicking my butt recently ☹️ idk how ppl do it but i'm dragging myself through the week right now LMAO

i don't see anything 😀 when i search up my asks 😀 so i unfortunately 😀 have a very vague 😀 idea of our last convo 😀

but i DO remember that you asked about dc!! i'm glad u asked b/c i'm actually trying to get into dc right now! i'm watching titans season 1 on hbo max, recently watched black adam, saw ww84, & saw the new batman movie a while ago! beast boy is kinda 😍💖💕💗💞 in titans HEHEHE- my favorite dc characters rn are him & starfire but i really wanna delve into the franchise more!! who are ur dc biases so far 🙏 (yes we'll be using kpop terminology for non-kpop fandoms from now on)

also i have NOT listened to 28 reasons by seulgi yet b/c of my schedule i feel like such a fake reveluv but i'm looking into that 😭 AND YES GIVE CRAVITY SOME LOVE ON PARTY ROCK <3 i'm taeyoung biased ever since i saw his tiktoks (all their tiktoks are iconic tbh they keep up w/ trends LOL)

HOW HAVE U BEEN BTW?? and are u excited for wakanda forever? i can't believe its coming so soon alreadyyyy 😟❗️

XNONIE !!! BFF !!! I'M SO SORRY FOR MY LATE REPLY I'VE JUST LACKED SO MUCH ENERGY TO EVEN REPLY TO ASKS THIS WEEK (´Д⊂ヽ but i was so excited to see u active and alive akcnekfnek idk how people do it either tbh :') like i felt that so hard when u said ur practically dragging urself thru the week like me too dude, me too 😔 LMAO SOMETHING IS UP W TUMBLR TAGS 🗿🗿🗿 as there always is tbh, but i went thru and found my latest response so i'll link it here BAHHAHA

AHHHH DC YESYES !!! i actually haven't watched the live action titans series yet :0 but i follow ryan potter on instagram so i've def seen some stuff for it !! he's so hot tho so true 😩😩😩 i kinda wish he was casted as nightwing/dick grayson cuz he would've made a really good one, but the current one i think fits as well :') ahh yes i actually am not the greatest fan of dc movies lmao just cuz their animated tv shows r just top notch and so much better imo but i did enjoy the first wonder woman and robert pattinson's the batman !! ooh my dc biases? it's prob the bat boys AHAHAHHA i'm writing an au inspired by them actually rn hehe so basically nightwing/dick grayson, red hood/jason todd, and red robin/tim drake, but i am also particularly fond of roy harper/speedy and robin/damian wayne @_@ they all make my mind go brrrr (wbu tho 👀👀)

AHHHHH WAKANDA FOREVER I HAVENT WATCHED IT YET I FEEL SO SAD ☹️☹️☹️ it's cuz college has also been kicking my ass and watching marvel movies is a thing my family does together and it's just not the same going to see it in theaters w anyone else :( so i've been holding back skcnekfn have u seen it tho :0 i'm also so very excited for quantumania !!! (ﾉ´∀｀*) IT LOOKS SO SO SO GOOD SKFNKENFKD I LOVE PAUL RUDD PLS GIVE THAT MAN AN OSCAR RN

okok i think i also was gonna bring up the fact that i wanted to write another mcu au for svt?? like ik we were talking abt the xmen au, but i was thinking abt making minghao scarlet witch and basically yn is like the one person who truly saw him and when he lost u, all hell broke loose (like in wandavision), and so it's like him recreating a life w u while his friends on the outside r trying to break him out of it before the stinky government folks do skcnwidn

[magicandmayhcm]

Harper Nash Bio

so here’s a slightly extended biography for harper nash. 

tw: mentions of death

Harper is the 16-year-old daughter of Bobby and Marcy Nash. She was born on September 27 at 3:43 a.m. after Marcy was in labor for almost 24 hours. This would just be the first sign of how stubborn the oldest Nash child would be as she grew up. As a child, she was always very happy, but she could also throw the biggest tantrums if she didn’t get everything she wanted. It was a long, hard road for her to learn that she couldn’t always get what she wanted, and she never really did fully absorb that lesson. 

When she was 14, she was caught shoplifting from a high-end store. She was found with over $500 worth of items and was charged as a juvenile with grand larceny. She pled guilty and was sentenced to a year in juvenile hall. Only four months into her sentence, her mother and two younger siblings perished in a fire at their apartment building. She was released for their funeral and then came back. After two more months there, she was able to get her sentence commuted to parole for good behavior. She spent the next six months on house arrest, living with her father who was much different than the man she remembered as a child.

After her stint in juvie and the death of her family members, she became very withdrawn. She was never good at opening up to people, but it is even more so now. She tends to keep things to herself, even if it’s something she could use help with. She especially doesn’t open up to her father, for several reasons. One is that she blames him for not saving her mother and siblings from the fire. He was a fireman after all; why couldn’t he save his family from dying? She has never outright said this, but it is an underlying cause in her distant relationship with him. Another reason - a more significant reason - is that she knows she’s a disappointment to him. Of all the kids who managed to survive the incident, it was her. And the only reason she didn’t die in that fire as well was because she was away at juvie when it happened. It’s one thing she has never talked about but is unable to get out of her mind - the fact that she should have died there instead. That if she could take the place of one of her siblings and let them live, she would take their place in a heartbeat. And part of her thinks that her father would agree with that sentiment, which is why she never brings it up to him.

While she has calmed down a bit with her illegal activities, she is still partaking in activities that aren’t necessarily doing her any good. She learned her lesson when it came to stealing major items, but that doesn’t stop her from still giving herself a five-finger discount at certain stores or from sneaking money from Bobby’s - and sometimes even Athena’s - wallets. She is also notorious for skipping school, sneaking out of the house, partying and drinking, and smoking the occasional cigarette. 

When Bobby remarried Athena, Harper was not a fan of it. Part of her felt that Bobby was simply trying to replace the family he lost with this new one. A new wife, son, and daughter would take the place of Marcy, Bobby Jr., and Brooke. Because she feels this way, she has closed herself off from the new family, which has caused problems between her and them. She is very snooty and downright rude when interacting with Athena, does not get along with May at all, and the only reason she is nice to Harry is because he is young and reminds her of her little brother she lost. 

She wants to turn her life around - she really does - but she finds it hard because she doesn’t feel like there’s anyone for her to talk to about everything going on in her life. She sees her father doing better and doesn’t want to bring him back to the days where life was horrible, so instead of talking to anybody, she self-medicates with alcohol. She also has a bad habit of choosing the wrong crowd to hang out with, and they only influence her to make bad decisions more. She hopes to one day repair all the relationships she has destroyed and make her father proud, but she knows realistically, he’ll probably end up being disappointed in her for the rest of his life - the same way her mother died, disappointed in her oldest daughter.

[foreverandalwayscrysis]

The 100 Ask Game

I was tagged by @talistheintrovert and @prophecy-gurl, the loves of my life <3

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from? Mmm, probably Go-Sci or Alpha, since my dad was a geneticist - maybe they’d put me in Medical or something lmao.

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? Standing up for injustices/trying to help people who were being treated unfairly.

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? Yeah, I’d give it Monty.

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) Maybe a dolphin/whale or a turtle.

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? WELLS!!!!

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? Bellamy, Clarke, Monty, Harper, and Murphy.

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to? Either Floukru or Trishanakru.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? I think they’d just change the “sha” part to a “sah” or more of a hissing “ss” sound, so it’d be Ay-sah, instead of what it is currently, Eisha (pronounced e-sha).

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious. He was a good character to have on the show and I think they wrote him well, but I definitely never loved him.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? I wouldn’t have been that willing.

11. What character do you relate to most? my homegirl Clarke - we even have the dead dad category checked off!

12. What character do you like the least? Echo kom get lost. She was a grounder in a cage, and she should’ve stayed a grounder in a cage.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical) Mmm, jeans, combat boots, a full-sleeved t-shirt with either a cardigan with pockets or a jacket

14. Favorite type of mutant animal? Oooh, I LOVED the two-headed deer we saw in season 1. I wouldn’t mind more crazy forest animals.

15. What would your job be on the Ark? Medical assistant/scribe, something along those lines.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked? Yeah, I don’t get squeamish easily (I’ve watched surgeries on YouTube aksdjlk), and if I can help Clarke in any way, I’m doing it.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive, then who would have made the best commander? Indra by far.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? Honestly, I’d get super emotional.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach? The Blake approach.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone? Ideally, no one - every station/govt gets equal representation and people listen to actual problems.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis? Kane’s side - and maybe I’d go to look for Clarke but I’d die within a day, so.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s iPod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there? A tablet/phone, anything to read from or play music on tbh.

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? No tattoos, possibly dark war paint on my face or arms, and a short-to-medium hairstyle, either a variety of braids or pinned back.

24. Favorite quote? “Your life can be more than just impossible decisions and a tragic end. You can choose to live.” - Wells Jaha

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? Lincoln, Luna, Anya, Indra, Bellamy, Clarke, I can’t pick.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non-canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE 

Favorite canon ship: Marper

Favorite non-canon: Wellven, Ice Mechanic.

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo? I am so behind on all music lately, it’s sad. I’d love to hear some Florence or Hozier but I really want Shawn back - he can’t just disappear!

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? Oh gosh, um - well at least we wouldn’t go crazy from isolation alone. I’d read, sing, maybe dance around/stretch to keep from atrophying, rearrange stuff and then rearrange it again, complain about Blarke being oblivious idiots in love.

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die? Spear! Or poisonous berries. Maybe multiple arrows.

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? MY TRUE QUEEN DIYOZA

31. A character you’d bang? Besides Bellamy? Wells.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden? Yeah, I’m gonna stay in Eden.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground? Unless I wanna get killed, yeah. Do the minimum to stay out of sight and her warpath. I could see myself writing diary entries I guess.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits? Oooh - them finding my diary entries and seeing how negatively I feel towards Blodreina.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with? Either Monty or Harper. Echo and I will not be friends.

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself? I honestly don’t know. I’d like to think I’d make it a year.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do? Ahaha, run and hide, possibly misguide them if I can do it safely.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite? Favorite: DIYOZAAA. Least and worst: McCreary.

39. Would you Spacewalk? Maaaybe? I have a fear of heights and assuming it’s lessened and/or gone by the time I’ve gotten used to space, I’d be open to the idea.

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat? Windshield Bugs, baby.

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it? No, the war wouldn’t solve anything. It’s all about compromise - everyone wants to live, and people like to stay in their communities, so we’d need to figure out a way to build cities/towns that help all different kinds of people. 

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes? Dig out flesh-eating worms, no doubt.

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia? If my sister became Octavia-levels of crazy, yeah, but I’m not a shoot-first kinda gal so I’d try to reason and logic my way into dismantling everything.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper? I would sleep, but it can depend on who else wants to stay awake.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet? My faves, Bellamy & Clarke, followed by Miller, Murphy, Raven (staying on the ship), Diyoza, Shaw, and Emori. And if someone needs to be the scapegoat, Echo.

This was super long but I had fun answering these questions!! Tagging a few people below: @lameblake @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky @captaindaddykru @nvermindiseeyou @clarkgriffon @anne-shirley-blythe @hopewolves @chants-de-lune @goddess-clarke @aainiouu @loveisalwayswise @harpermacintyre @hermionegranger @fen-ha-fuck-you @frecklessbellamy

[luvkirby4ever]

#15 on the Identity Ask thing! :3

Thank you anon!

#15:  5 most influential books over my lifetime.

Number 5:  “The Ersatz Elevator” by Lemony Snicket

Among my various “milestone” books, such as the first chapter book I read (The Trumpet of the Swan), books that made a flip switch inside my brain to like reading (The Hatchet, Frindle), or “book I stayed up so late reading that I dropped it on my face like an idiot” (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire), I choose The Ersatz Elevator because it was a book I successfully read back when I was very reluctant about reading.

One thing that always stuck with me is that the style in which Lemony would write the teaser for the next book (/his narration style) actually made me question whether or not the series was fictional.  I was probably about 10 or 11 at the time and was pretty firm on the stance of “there’s no way this happened, that’s impossible” but the fake notes to the editor at the end were so convincing that I kinda started to believe it.

It’s also worth noting that even though it’s #6 in the series it was the first one I read- I didn’t like reading back in elementary school.  I ended up reading the whole series because of this book, though!

Number 4:  “Wicked” by Gregory Maguire

This book is weird and I take quite a bit of issue with it.  For starters, I usually dislike large time skips, and there’s like 4 of them.  Another issue I have is that the author writes with a sort of emotional/thematic detachment in such a way that it feels like he’s trying to say something meaningful/important but it ends up boiling down to feeling like the “if there were two guys on the moon” copypasta.  I reread it for the first time after many years and was disappointed in the direction the story went after the school arc tbh.

But all that aside, I read this during a time when I was starting to awaken to the idea that things that were “girly” weren’t necessarily bad by nature.  And I should clarify that I would not consider this a “girly” book by any stretch of nature!  It’s just that I used to be so staunchly against narratives about women (no less about women showing genuine tenderness) that reading Wicked was a big step towards trying to drink respect women juice.

Wicked’s MVP was definitely Glinda- she was a character who I immediately wrote off as “the shallow girly ditz” and was surprised at how invested I had become in her at the end of the school arc.  I feel like there was a lot of wasted story potential in Wicked and Glinda was definitely a character who I’d want to write a fanfic about.  So much wasted potential.

Number 3:  “My Lesbian Experience With Lonlieness” by Kabi Nagata

WTNV may have been my gateway drug into LGBT+ culture, but just like the dumb f*** that I am it wasn’t until a few months after I first read this book that I realized that I’m gay.  The book constantly rested in the back of my mind so one day as I was staring up at my ceiling in bed I thought about it again and thought “wait… I think I’m gay”.

(Shoutout to “My Brother’s Husband” for also helping, too.  From a story perspective I prefer “My Brother’s Husband” but “My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness” is the one that keeps returning to my thoughts about stuff.  Both are so good though I highly recommend them both!)

Number 2:  Genki (Second Edition)

I know it’s not a “book” book, but I’ve had this textbook for years now and I have emotional attachment to this thing.  I’m going to be taking my first JLPT this year so I literally study with it for an hour every day.  It (along with my first signed WTNV novel) is my most treasured book.  It represents a lot of my hope and dreams.

Number 1:  “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee

This book.  If you’re American, there’s a good chance that you were forced to read it.  And there’s a good chance you didn’t like it.  As a kid, there was a lot to slog through.  And it’s a book that truly shows its age.

I was 15 or 16 when I first had to read it.  My teacher had given an assignment/test question on the some themes from the book, and one that I remember very vividly was the topic of innocence.  Stuff about losing innocence, protecting it, characters like Jem vs characters like Boo.  And as someone who endured a lot of really horrible things in my childhood, I was particularly drawn to examining the narrative’s opinion on innocence.

…And refuting it!  Don’t get me wrong- I actually like the book, believe it or not.  The prose at end about Scout walking Boo back home and seeing the neighborhood through his point of view evokes a powerful sort of emotion in my stomach (sadness? nostalgia? fondness?).  But this book constantly makes me think about the theme of innocence and how it’s portrayed in media (and how my teacher put a spin on what he thinks innocence is).  And I actually really hate the notion!

As someone who experienced a lot of childhood trauma, the notion that “once innocence is lost we are bitter jaded adults” is a bleak one.  I don’t disagree that children are innocent and that they should be protected.  I disagree with the sentiment that the spark of childlike wonder and awe disappears when you mature and that in order to properly grow into an adult you must eschew it.  That innocence will die and you’ll never be innocent again.

It is true that we can never really unknow things.  And as adults we hold responsibilities that children aren’t developed enough to bear.  But we live in a universe so vast and in a world so wide that there is so much we don’t know.  There are things we haven’t tried, people we haven’t met, cultures we aren’t familiar with.  Right now, there could be your new favorite thing out there waiting for you to discover it.

Being an adult working at a science lab with other adults is odd because I’m surrounded by many people who believe that it’s completely normal to just go through the motions of marrying/having kids so that you can complain about how jaded your spouse/kids makes you.  And to be fair, that *is* normal in this culture.  But it doesn’t have to be that way!  The innocence and joy of living and experiencing new things doesn’t have to die when you get a nine-to-five!!!

Tldr:  I like the book and examining/deconstructing innocence as a construct is very important to me as someone who got depression at 14 and was led to believe that life was never going to better because once innocence is lost that spark never comes back

[thclcstgirl]

And holy crap what a year it’s been!

Fox’s One Year Anniversary, July 14th

Many of you don’t know this, but I actually did not think about Fox at all when I first watched The 100. Didn’t even think about her except as the girl that hugged Bellamy. Didn’t even realize it was the same girl that later died ( super pointlessly and without any explanation but that’s a rant for another day ;) ) to be perfectly honest. She was some random background character to me just like she was to everyone.

And then I started playing her (thanks to my preference for playing half or barely developed characters so I can make them my own) and started really thinking about this sadly underdeveloped character and HOLY CRAP GUYS. My sweet lil Fox has become so fucking important to me as both a character that helps my get through writing lulls with my career and as someone who has led me to so many important people in my life, writing partners and friends and best friends and people that laugh and cry with me over these silly fictional characters that mean so much to all of us.

I’m so thrilled to have lasted a year ( my first time on any character lasting this long! ) and so honored to say that it’s thanks to my partners on here, old and new alike, that my love and my ability to write my beautiful mistreated daughter that I’ve lasted as long as I have.

NOW ONTO THE FLUFF. Because I think we all need it after some of those gifs ;)

My best friend;

@headstrongblake: Ashley like. What do I even say. Like do I wax poetic about how amazing our girls are? Or how Fox admires Octavia only slightly less than I admire you? Or maybe mention that you’re one of the main reasons I came back after my two month disappearing act? Or maybe about how much I value that we can talk every day and never get tired of each other or how we understand that sometimes a day is just bad and we need to hide from the world and that’s cool because we know the other will be there when we’re ready to rejoin the world? Do I mention how you’ve become more like a sister to me than a friend?

No. Because FUCK THAT SAPPY SHIT. I’M HERE TO TELL YOU TO SHUT YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU MORE SO THERE. *MIC DROP*

My most valued advisors and all time favs;;

@faultedleader - Fuck, Heather, like, we’ve been together since the very beginning. I was so intimidated by you because you and Ashley had these beautiful things going on and you were so wonderful and so eloquent and I’m sitting here with my smol daughter like ‘I wonder if she’ll like the connection between Fox and Bellamy or be annoyed and think I’m expecting too much because of it’. LOOK HOW FAR WE’VE COME. From admiring you with lil fox eyes hiding in my den to yelling at each other over vast amounts of heartbreak ( and every now and then some fluff. to worsen the heartbreak bwa ha ha ) that we cause each other. I never thought I could love someone who made me cry as often as you do, but here we are and I wouldn’t change a thing. *lifts glass* Here’s to another wonderful year together!

@crimiinalchemiist - MY FIRST BABE. My only true Jasper, my main babe and major love. You ( and I don’t know how tf because I’m trash and you’re wonderful ) have been with me even before the beginning of my journey here. Without you, I wouldn’t even BE here. You’re the one that started the group that introduced my to my girl, the one that introduced me to indie at all, the one that suffered 1001 questions as I tried to navigate this weird and wonderful and dramatic world of indie roleplaying. Fox LITERALLY wouldn’t exist in the sense that she does for me and my partners *winks winks nudges nudges at you* if it wasn’t for you, and I can never repay you for that. I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you.

@trueheda - Do you ever have a person that just immediately triggers that “QualityTM” reaction in you whenever their name or their blogs come up? Kai had been that for me since I very first started reading his writing tbh, and I’ve never stopped thinking it. Kai is that person that I’m still semi-intimidated by even though we’re friends and we’ve got darling plots going on ( we’re not gonna talk about Fox’s strange infatuation with your murder son oops ) because he’s just so. fucking. quality. Like how can you now just be constant awe of someone with Kai’s skill?? ( the answer is you cannot, btw ) But I am so happy that Kai apparently deems me friend enough and quality enough to play against his amazing babes, and this thrills me to no end tbh.

@nctyourplaything - MY SWEET GIRL. Fuck I don’t even know what I’d do without your level headedness to calm me down from my occasionally high salt levels, Em. We met through Harper and I knew by the time we were a few replies in that I’d fallen for your writing and your voice and I’d literally follow you to the ends of the earth. And now you have Mandy and just FUCK like who would have guessed that I’d fall so hard for Mandy Milkovich ( I did, actually. I loved her in the show and paired with your phenomenal writing and taste for development how could I not fall just as head over heels for her? ). Fox and Mandy are such a crack lil pair from their different fandoms but they work SO WELL together and I’m so glad I didn’t lose you when the show tried to ruin your 100 girl because honestly, Emily, I mean it when I say I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you babe.

@icebuilt - LOR LIKE WHAT EVEN HAPPENED WITH US. We went from “oh wow another Roan and she’s so well written and Lenee loves her but like she’s sooooooo well written I couldn’t possibly approach her ok now we’re in a gv together maybe this can be my in” to literal all-nighters to satisfy my and my kids’ urges for you and yours because WE LITERALLY CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF YOU and I know I’m using the word literally a lot and I mean it like literally and not like figuratively because meeting you and becoming friends with you was literally ( lol ) one of the best things that’s happened to me on this weird blue website and in this wonderful but now awful show that borned our babies. I know I’m really bad at the ooc thing sometimes and I just hope you know that I adore you so very much and I think so highly of you as a person and a writer and I hope I’ve been doing better at displaying that for you because that’s what you deserve.

@kiingbuilt - My love, my Roan, my lil Fox’s king like, I don’t know if you realize ( again because I kinda suck at the ooc thing and I’m so sorry I’m trying to work on it I swear ) to the extent that Fox cares about her azgeda-turned-floukru king. She would do anything under the sun for him if he asked her to, follow him to the ends of the Earth and back again if he wanted her to. I know I don’t ask for a whole lot and that’s so on me like, but I’m working on that too and eventually you’ll probably regret telling me I can pester you with multiple threads and asks and bugger-ness haha But I’m kind of really eager for it is that weird? ( it is, oopsie ) <33

@survivorbuiilt / @silcntmuscle -  SAMMIE MY SAMMIE MY MURPHY MY MBEGE MY BOYSSSSSSSS. Well, Fox’s boys. Ok let me paint you a picture Sammie; here we have a sad panda britt who’s always imagined that Murphy and Fox were friends prior to the ground, who’s poor lil Fox has always had a lowkey thing for Mbege and who’s, sadly, never been brave enough or found someone to play this out with. Enters Sammie! Who’s loves me down with beautiful headcanons and seems to feel the same way I do about our poor mistreated babies and who loves the angst and the sweet and literally gives me everything I’ve every dreamed of when it comes to the Johns and their little fox. Sammie who lures me into new and exciting places with beautiful things THAT SHE IMMEDIATELY RIPS AWAY WITH HEARTWRENCHING ANGST because we all know that’s the fastest way to my heart and like; you just get me Sammie, and I love you and your boys and this incredible dynamic we’ve created with our children.

@leaderbuilt - Wrynnnnnnnn ok so I don’t have like, A Moment with a whole lot of people ( honestly no one else at all even comes to mind right now) where I had that “this person understands me and we’re going to do great things together” BUT I HAVE THAT WITH YOU and it was that ask, that “I wanna go, get out of here” ask WHERE YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEART AND SOUL BY PARALLELING JASPER’S PROMISE TO FOX WITH BELLAMY. Like, I’d waited so fucking long for someone to give me Bellamy reacting to Fox’s death, for Bellamy’s thoughts when he had her and left her in that goddamn mountain and you gave me that. I’ve literally been waiting since I created Fox for something like that and I will never be able to thank you enough for giving me that from Bellamy. I love what we’ve got with our lil rare pair and I love you for always being patient with me and always chatting me up because ( for like the third time this post ) I do suck at initiating ooc chatter but I’m trying man! I’m trying. You’re amazing and I hope you always remember that. I’ll hardcore fight anyone who tries to say differently <3<3

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens (these are a few of my favorite things people );;

@imnobodysson, @atonedhero, @greaseveined, @pariahbuilt, @wildmoored, @stellarstolen, @braverstars, @braverybuilt, @speedforcechosen, @mystiicanatomy, @trikrulinkon, @indiebryan, @gedanes, @gatcrguy, @chaosthxory, @atlasendured, @bigbrotherbellamy, @valleywatcher, @noukru, @makeitakillshct, @saviorbuilt, @noulaikkwelnes, @rcdteeth, @portectorisms, @amongthcwreck, @onyafevayuj, @bxmbsxaway