#writing my boy only breaks his favorite toys did something horrible to me

[prentissluvr]

painful idea childhood best friends to lovers with sammy except when you're together, you revert back to your younger selves. which makes you feel high and giddy and smiley when you're together. but it also makes you dumb and naive and trusting and so in love that you lose just about all rationality. play everywhere everything by noah kahan!!!! "would we survive in a horror movie? i doubt it we're too slow moving. we trust everyone we meet. two bodies riddled with scars from our preteens intertwine in a car's dirty backseat, stare at a drive-in screen. we didn't know that the sun was collapsing, til the seas rose and the buildings came crashing ... i wanna love you til we're food for the worms to eat, til our fingers decompose keep my hand in yours." and then one or both of you gets hurt because you're so distracted by the presence of the other. idk maybe you die HAHA or he does or you both do or you just keep doing it. hurting each other over and over again, ignoring the way the world is falling apart around you and not caring because one way or another, you're gonna die together.

[animeyanderelover]

I kind of neglected Hunter x Hunter in here so here are Hc’s for them. After I’m finished with this I’ll immediately start working on my request, but I needed to write this first! Enjoy!

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, paranoia, delusions, manipulation, kidnapping, overprotectiveness, clinginess, death, sadism, masochism, controlling Yandere, violence

Yandere Hunter Exam Hc’s

Gon Freecss

🎣I can imagine him as the clingy and lovestruck Yandere. Gon loves nothing more than spending time with his darling and would give up on nothing for this. He loves the s/o with his every being and in his eyes they’re the most prettiest person that has ever existed in this universe and he makes sure to always tell them this.

🎣Also the obsessive type. He wants to know everything about them and every time he thinks he has found out everything that is there possibly to learn about his darling he discovers something new. There’s so much to learn about them and he won’t stop until he knows it all! He can also be put in the category delusional since he likes to think that between the two of you everything is fine.

🎣Gon gets easily jealous, but it’s the harmless kind of jealousy. He starts to pout and stares holes into the person who made him jealous and it’ll be one of the cutest things you’ll ever see. He’ll tell the person surprisingly friendly to go away, but his aura will be only a bit too sinister.

🎣It takes a lot until this guy kills someone. They would have to do something really bad for example nearly killing the s/o. Then Gon loses it and the little sunshine will turn into your worst nightmare. The thing is that he can’t even clearly remember what he did afterwards only remembering pure rage pumping through every inch of his body. Whoever person he killed won’t be able to be recognized, that’s how bad he beat them up.

🎣Most of the times he clinges onto his darling’s side and most of the time he’s satisfied with that. Something extreme would have to happen for this boy to want to kidnap you. A few examples are when the s/o was nearly killed or when he confessed and they rejected him. But if this doesn’t happen then you’re free to wander around.

🎣Overall Gon is an innocent bean who just wants to make you happy, but don’t get too comfy with him because if you witness what happens when he gets into his killer mode you won’t be able to sleep for the next few days. Luckily he kills rarely and ensures that you won’t notice.

Killua Zoldyck Zoldyck

🪀Killua is a Zoldyck and in my opinion all Zoldyck’s are possessive. No exception for him. Also the overprotective one, especially when his s/o gets anywhere near his family he makes sure to always be alert, he can’t trust his family with the darling. On the delusional side as well, he thinks everything he does for the darling is justified through the large amount of love he holds for them. Sometimes even the manipulative type, but he only uses this when he’s with no other option left. He hates to manipulate his s/o.

🪀Also the lovestruck and touchy one. He sees in his darling everything he’s ever looked for and since he’s never got much physical affection when he was younger he’s very touchstarved for his darling. He loves cuddles! Give him lots of cuddles!!

🪀Killua will never tell when he’s jealous and his darling probably won’t even notice, but the other person will. The look he’s giving them is enough to make even the toughest guys pee into their pants.

🪀Most of the times his killer look and the sinister aura that’s surrounding him is enough to keep every person who could possibly be a threat for his darling away, but if that doesn’t work he has no problem with killing this obstacle. And believe me, no one wants this guy after them!

🪀He never really liked the thought of kidnapping his darling and would only do it in a few cases where the darling likes someone else than him or when they suddenly try to break of their contact with him and he can’t convince them otherwise. That’s when Killua would get desperate and decides to take the s/o with him.

🪀In my opinion Killua is, even though he’s sometimes quite the Tsundere, a more harmless Yandere. After he kidnaps you he makes sure to spoil you with everything a human could ever ask for and would never even lay a finger on you. He could never forgive himself if he would hurt the only good thing ( besides Gon of course ) that he has in his life. Expect to his guy to be your personal cuddle bear. The only problem are his delusions that his actions aren’t wrong.

Kurapika Kurta

⛓Congratulations for getting one of the scariest ones from the list. Kurapika is the possessive, overprotective and aware one. The moment he realized he’s in love with you was the moment he became paranoid. What if something happens to the s/o when he isn’t there? What if the Phantom Troupe attacks them? He realizes that his feelings aren’t anywhere near normal, but he just can’t help it. That leads him to quickly becoming possessive and overprotective over them. He doesn’t let them do anything alone, too scared that they might hurt themself.

⛓Also the obsessive, manipulative and desperate one. He wants to know everything about them, wants to know their interests and wants, wanting to be as perfect as he can for them. Whenever the darling gets annoyed with his overprotectiveness he’s talking them slyly into thinking that he’s just making sure that nothing bad happens to them. Who knows what might happen the next moment. His darling’s safety is his first priority, but he does yearn for their love and affection, wanting to be loved by them.

⛓Kurapika doesn’t trust anyone with the darling. What if they want to hurt them? What if they want to take the s/o away from him? Whenever someone even looks wrongly at the s/o the next moment Kurapika is already towering over this person with his eyes glowing scarily. Jealousy isn’t even the right word to describe this. It’s pure paranoia!

⛓This guy will spill gallons of blood if it means keeping his darling safe. Everyone he sees as a possible threat will be eliminated quickly.

⛓It won’t take long after he discovered his feelings for you. His possessiveness and paranoia are a horrible mix. He kidnaps his darling fastly, dragging them to a place where they’re going to live from now one. Don’t even try to escape, he won’t let that happen and will kill anyone who might know where you ran off!

⛓Kurapika is an intense and scary one, especially if he stares at you with those red eyes of his. You’ll never see other humans again, Kurapika is too scared that they might want to harm you. He does know that his behavior is wrong, but he decided eventually that he doesn’t care. No one can take the only person he loves so much away from him! He’s hesitant about hurting you and will only do it in extreme cases for example when you tried to run away from him. But if his darling would be a survivor from the Kurta Clan this would be an even worse story.

Leorio Paradinight

🧳I can imagine Leorio as the overprotective and lovestruck Yandere. This guy is hopelessly in love with the s/o and would follow them to the ends of the world and this makes him naturally overprotective over his darling.

🧳Also the clingy and touchy one. He won’t even give the s/o space to breathe and loves to have physical contact with them, doesn’t matter to him if it’s more sexual or not, he’s happy with both.

🧳He gets jealous so easily and it will be too obvious. He’ll have a clearly annoyed and angry look on his face and is definitely the type to pull his s/o to his side and glare at the other person whilst throwing a fit.

🧳I don’t think Leorio is the type to kill. It’s more likely that if he finds out that someone hurt his darling he’ll search for this person and starts beating them up whilst yelling at them. In really extreme cases he might also ask Gon, Killua and Kurapika for help to pay the person back who harmed you.

🧳He doesn’t enjoy the thought of kidnapping the s/o, but then again he’s the overprotective Yandere and if something triggered him enough he won’t think twice and lock you up in his house, keeping you until he’s calmed down. That means you’re going to stay there for a while.

🧳He’s one of the more harmless ones. He isn’t really violent with anyone, only if angered enough, and lets you walk around freely, but he makes sure to always stay by your side. The only thing that is a bit annoying is that he can be quite the perv sometimes.

Hisoka Morow

🃏... Oh god... Hisoka is possessive, cruel, a stalker, manipulative and the removal type. He views the s/o more as a toy than a human and the s/o is his favorite toy so he’s very possessive over them. He’s more the type to watch his darling from the distance and this man is talented in lying. He’ll mess with your mind until you don’t know what to think anymore. I can also definitely see him as the removal type, meaning he’ll kill everyone the darling is close to.

🃏Also a sadist, masochist and a touchy one. This guy will hurt his darling when they don’t behave and he certainly takes his pleasure in it. But he also loves it when his darling is hurting him. Every time they do this it gets him excited~ It isn’t a surprise that he is the touchy one, is it? His hands will always be on his darling’s body, touching them in more and less appropriated places ( most times in less appropriated places ).

🃏He has patience with his darling, but that doesn’t count for other people as well. He doesn’t like sharing his favorite toy with anyone and he also has this kind of ‘jealousy’ that he feels when someone hurts the s/o or the s/o hurts someone. That makes him really angry. He’s the only one who’s allowed to hurt them and he’s also the only one they’re allowed to hurt!

🃏The problem here is that Hisoka enjoys killing others way too much so he’s willing to leave a trail of dead bodies behind, taking his time to toy with them before killing them when he gets bored with them.

🃏This guy has as mentioned above a lot of patience with his darling and just watches them for a very long time, but eventually that wasn’t enough for him at some point and so he took them. You can bet that he didn’t miss the chance to play a bit with them before, seeing it as a hide and seek game. Guess who won at the end.

🃏Hisoka is a toxic Yandere to have. He’s so good with messing your mind up and will most likely talk you into thinking that you’re worthless and no one loves you and you should be thankful that he hasn’t killed you yet. Another problem is how perverted he is with you, he won’t stop touching you and if you hit him he gets even more turned on! The same goes for when he hurts you! But I think that all of his behavior comes simply from the fact that he doesn’t know how to act with his feelings. He never was really interested in anyone before, but that changed when he met you and he has no idea how to handle this. Another good thing is that he has a lot of patience with you because he never gets boring with you. If you manage to help him understanding his feelings he might become the tiniest bit better.

Pokkle

🏹Wanted to give it a try with this guy here, I was honestly pretty disappointed when he died. I think he’s the lovestruck and obsessive type. Such a weakling for his darling and obsessed with them in every sense possible. Similar to Kurapika he wants to be as perfect as he can for them. Very clingy, he doesn’t know what the word private space means.

🏹Also the worshipper, delusional and desperate Yandere. He thinks of the s/o as some kind of angel which fell from heaven and treats them like a god/goddess. He’s almost like your personal slave. He’s also pretty dependent on their affection and love they give him. He’s very confident, but at the same time very cautious of his abilities and when the s/o showers him in affection and compliments about his abilities this man will be over the moon.

🏹As mentioned above, he’s very dependent on your attention and love and if you give it to someone else, he’ll feel deeply wounded. There are two ways how he’ll react to this depending on whether he lets his pride or his self insecurity get the best of him. If his pride wins he’ll quickly pull the s/o behind his back and starts yelling at whoever they interacted with. If his insecurity wins he just stands there silently, watching his darling interacting with other people, suffering quietly. But in both cases he’ll be even more needy for your attention and love for the rest of the day.

🏹Pokkle sees his darling as a god/goddess and whoever hurts them will get some kind of punishment. He’ll kill anyone who might mean danger for his darling. Than he’ll either use poisened arrows or his Nen ability rainbow.

🏹Pokkle is as mentioned delusional and can get very paranoid from time to time which leads him to locking the s/o from time to time up in his house. The same goes for when they’re giving someone else too much attention which he desperately needs. At least he only locks you in for one or two days, but it happens way too often.

🏹He can be a real cutie for you, but his constant need for attention, love, affection and his clingyness can be pretty tiring. The fact that he locks you constantly away isn’t all that great either.

Ponzu

🐝Another death which saddened me very much. I think Ponzu is the aware one, meaning she knows how unhealthy her feelings actually are. Also the stalker type, but not her, her bees will watch her darling for her.

🐝Also the obsessive type since her bees are constantly watching the s/o it honestly isn’t hard for her to find out very much of them in a very short time. And she remembers every single detail.

🐝Ponzu is very composed and has a good amount of patience. She won’t get that easily jealous, she can let her darling have fun with other people. But if she thinks it’s enough she’ll send her bees towards the person, letting them attack the other person the s/o was talking to. And believe, it won’t be everyday that you see someone that fastly running away. No one wants to be stung by a bee. And certainly not from a whole swarm of them!

🐝Ponzu is very reasonable and can judge how bad someone’s crime was towards her darling. Most of the time the persons get away with stings littering their whole body, but if someone tries to kill her darling then she sees this as the worst crime possible and then this person will be stinged to death by her bees.

🐝It takes a lot for her to kidnap the s/o and only does it in the worse case scenario where they are nearly getting killed and she couldn’t protect them. Then she makes sure to kidnap her darling. After that escaping is as good as impossible since her bees are always watching.

🐝Since Ponzu is very reasonable with you and has a lot of patience with you it won’t be that bad. If you act up the worst that could happen are one or two stings from her bees. If you’re allergic to them her punishments consist of locking you for the rest of the day up in your room. But if you behave well she’ll even let you out for a few hours.

[1kook]

commercial break ; ONE

a netflix & chill drabble  this follows directly after disney+ and bust !

summary; Maybe Jungkook wasn’t always as cool and composed as you initially believed. But that’s okay, because you love him all the same. warnings; none unless u count yn bullying him as one miscellaneous; yn is regina george thats it word count; 1.3k

notes; u guys may be like “u feed us so well!” wrong i obsessively post bc I'm never satisfied with my work, like in d&b i really disliked the lack of resolution so here i am writing one the day after god bless lmk what u think xxxx

Because Jungkook is Jungkook and cannot go three minutes without profusely professing his feelings to you, the apology gets old real quick.

“I’m sorry, y’know,” he says in the middle of dinner, idly picking at his plate. It’s Chinese tonight, sprawled across the kitchen counter that overlooks your living room. The Bee Movie is playing on TV, a movie you hadn’t seen in years yet still managed to put a smile on your face. But you know what wasn’t putting a smile on your face? Jungkook ruining this movie experience with his fourth apology of the night.

You nod through a mouthful of rice, eyes zeroed in on the screen. “Uh huh,” you hum, foot idly bumping against the leg of your chair every few seconds. “That’s great, honey.”

He sighs. “I’m being serious,” he stresses. “I think, maybe you should like…” a long pause you use to shovel more food into your mouth while the bees on screen go to human court. It was a wild ride. Were they on crack when they pitched this idea? You would have been. “Punch me in the face or something,” he offers after a moment.

You quirk a brow in his direction, finally abandoning the film on screen in favor of turning to face him. “You want me to use you as a punching bag to help you get over your hurt feelings that you developed from being an asshole to me.” Jungkook nods. You shrug. “Okay.”

“Wait, really?” he says, face paling as you roll your shoulder around. “You’re gonna hit me? Like for real?” You raise your brows, as if that’s obviously what you’re going to do.

“Well, you asked for it,” you respond, giving your wrist one final flick before rearing it back. His eyes flutter shut tightly, pouty lips pursed together in a thin line. Your fist comes barreling, ripping through the air in an insane, Fortune 500-like speed, and then—

“No,” Jungkook groans, touching the spot where you lightly flicked his forehead. His bangs saved him from most of the impact, but even without it, it was barely more than a teasing poke of your finger against his skin. “You need to like, beat me up.”

You snort, turning your attention back to the screen. “You know, you’re beginning to sound a lot like me these days, Jungkookie,” you point out, fork scraping across the plate. Jungkook sighs, dropping his head onto the countertop in defeat. “Very childish.”

He lightly bangs his head across the faux marble, a strained whimper filling the air and ruining The Bee Movie. “Which is why you need to hit me or something, I don’t know. Make me pay for how horrible I was to you the other day.”

“I’m not gonna hit you,” you say, “because that would mean the next time you get mad at me, you’d hit me.”

“I would never!” he exclaims, eyes wide and round. Gone was the perfectly put together Jungkook, in was this sloppy mess of emotions. “Besides,” he says softly, cheeks a warm rosy color as he goes back to picking at his food, “you’d never wrong me like I did you.”

You hum, toying with the fork in your mouth. “Really,” you murmur, dropping the fork back on the table. You place your chin in your palm, lazily watching the movie now that you’ve missed a pivotal scene because Jungkook wanted you to beat him up. “I used your toothbrush the other day,” you mention.

Silence.

“You what?” he squawks indignantly. You glance at him from your peripherals. There’s an obvious expression of disgust on his features, eyes flickering from side to side as he digests this information. “Babe—that’s, that’s actually really…” He can’t even finish his sentence, mouth opening and closing as he finally seems to process the fact your mouth germs were on his beloved toothbrush.

“Yup,” you add. “Hope you don’t mind,” you babble on, “well, I mean, you really shouldn’t.” You glance at him, the mean streak in you crooning loudly in your ear the more and more uncomfortable he grows. “Considering you’re always spitting in my mouth.”

As wild as you and Jungkook liked to get in bed, what happened in bed mostly stayed in bed. It sounds gross to say it aloud, but he really has just been casually spitting in your mouth for the past few months. He was a dirty boy, and that fact makes him squirm.

“No, that’s different,” he frowns, obviously distraught by the valid point you bring to the table. “My toothbrush is my toothbrush.”

“I know,” you agree, nudging his foot teasingly. “Should I tell you about all the other mean stuff I do to your things that I never say sorry for?” He turns those frantic eyes on you.

“You’re lying,” he says, though there’s a question embedded within. You tilt your head to the side, as if to say, am I?.

When he doesn’t say anything more, you jump into a full novel recapture of every mean thing you’ve done and why. “And one time I was so pissed off that you finished my strawberry shampoo that I went to your house and drained the water from that stupid cactus’s pot. You know, the one Namjoon gave you?” Jungkook’s mouth opens and closes. “Why do you think it died so fast? I killed it.”

Before he can reprimand you for purposefully orchestrating the murder of his favorite senpai’s potted cactus, you’re intercepting him with yet another tale. “And another time, I was so sick of you polishing your awards all day that I went in and sprinkled a layer of adhesive pixie dust on them from the craft store, and I know it still bothers you to this day.”

“Jeez,” he sighs after a good ten parables. “It sounds like I piss you off a lot more than I think I do.”

You pat his shoulder gently, scraping the remnants of his meal into the trash can. “Yeah, but the difference is,” you say, finding your place beside him again. You don’t climb into your chair, just hover beside him until he’s begrudgingly wrapping his arms around your waist. There’s a cute pout on him, face squished against your boobs. “I routinely let out all my raging hatred against you instead of bottling it up.”

“Yeah,” he agrees sadly. “I guess so.”

Before you can let him off believing this much is fine, you intervene once more. “And also I never purposefully pick out everything you’re insecure about.”

“I didn’t know,” he cries, all traces of that suave gentlemen you love so much gone. But it’s okay, because in his place was this vulnerable puppy looking at you with the eyes of every rescue pop in those dramatic commercials on tv. Maybe Jungkook wasn’t always as cool and composed as you initially believed. But that’s okay, because you love him all the same.

“Well, now you do,” you reprimand, giving his nose a playful pinch that almost makes him sneeze. “And I think it’s only fair I get a turn.”

He pushes away from his hiding spot in your boobs with a frown. “So you won’t physically attack me, but you will verbally attack me.”

“Yes,” you respond without missing a beat. “Because you’re easy to bully and it’s probably because of the fact you didn’t have many friends in high school, which essentially made you the class loner, thus an easy target. Explains why Namjoon had to set you up on a date with someone as amazing and outgoing as me, otherwise you would have died forever alone because of your inability to talk to women and the fact you have an awfully picky personality that can be overwhelming at times. So thank me once in a while, yeah?” you smile.

Jungkook blinks. “I think I might cry,” he admits.

You cup his cheeks in your hands, puckering his lips obnoxiously for you to smooch. “Baby, you’re dating a retired Regina George. Y’gotta tighten up a bit,” you tease, relish in the tiny smile he tries to hide after your kisses.

“So is this going to be like a thing now?” he asks as you tug him over to the couch, where The Bee Movie is still playing loud and clear. He plops down and you follow, snuggling into his side. “Because I don’t think I can ever do that again. Hurting your feelings hurts my feelings.”

You snort, taking in his smell and his warmth beside you. Jungkook sinks into the cushions, pulling you close into his chest until the soft beats of his heart echo in your ears. “No— unless you want it to be?”

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[maybe-your-left]

Window Panes - Forever

We made it! 

Here is the Window Panes Masterlist and my Masterlist for all my other fics. 

Summary: A cool breeze nipped at your exposed legs, causing goosebumps to erupt over your skin. You were curled into your comforter, comfy and safe, your cheek pressed against your pillow. Lips pursed and a small amount of drool seeping into the fabric. A creak came from the corner of your room, slightly rousing you from your slumber. You glanced around, your drooping eyelids barely taking in the scene. In your sleep riddled state, you didn't see him, his large figure stalking towards you. The whites of his eyes shining in the moonlight, it wasn't until you felt a palm slide up your side. Following the natural contours of your body, the warmth emanating from it lulling you to sleep once again. A dip in the mattress, the springs creaking under the weight. 

Hot breath fanned over your neck, soft lips pressing onto the back of your ear. A deep hum filling your senses, you sighed. Cuddling back into the figure, wanting to get closer to the warm entity. A low chuckle sounded behind you, and then... 

Nothing. 

TW/CW: This is dark shit, like explicitly horrible shit happens in this. However, I enjoy reading dark fics, and I super loved Stalker Clyde by @clumsycopy​ & was inspired by the oneshot EOS by @thetorturerwrites and I wanted to write something with the sameish tone for Halloween. NSFW, Violence, Murder, Non-con elements, Domestic Violence, Surgery, Explicit sex, oral sex, anal sex, sex toys, miscarriage, mental manipulation, stockholm syndrome, waterboarding, forced feeding, Animal abuse (just a brief mention, I do not go into any detail). 

“Is it-Are we rolling?” 

“Yeah, we’re rolling.” 

“Okay, great,” a sigh of relief. 

You shifted in your chair, smoothing back your hair and itching the microphone that was attached to your shirt collar. Crossing and recrossing your legs, you should’ve worn pants, a skirt was a stupid idea with these boots. You gave a weak smile to the woman across from you, her white teeth flashing the cameras all around the sound stage. 

“Okay,” she looked into the lens, “We are here tonight with one of the victims of the famous 2020 murder trial from New York. She went through over five years of repeated abuse at the hands of her kidnapper, all while he was out killing people around the city.” She turned to you, nodding her head as a show for you to react to the TV. “It’s so nice to have you here, Miss (Y/N).” 

You cleared your throat, shifting once more, “Thank you, it’s a pleasure to be here.” 

“How are you doing?” 

You bit back a scoff, what a stupid thing to ask. After that introduction, what was she expecting you to say, ‘oh I’m fucking fantastic, I’ve been running since the day he was sent to prison and going through intense psycho-therapy to rid myself of Stockholm syndrome.’. 

“I’m great,” you faked a smile, “Always nice to visit New York again.” 

“I’m sure,” she smiled once more, all you could think about were the wrinkles on her face, the crows feet on the corner of her eyes. She must get botox for working at a news station, there’s no way her skin is on with just natural confidence. 

“When was the last time you visited?” 

You had to stop yourself from blurting out an answer, knowing that this would be on national television. Which you knew federal prisons watched, you wouldn’t want to give away any of your whereabouts since the incident. “Uh-it’s been a few years, I haven’t had much reason to be back. My life has shifted to another part of the world.” 

“That’s fantastic! So you’ve been doing well for yourself the past six years?” 

“Yeah,” you gave a genuine smile, “It’s been tough, no off days really. Trying to gain some normalcy from it all, but I’ve done well. I live relatively fearless, of everything.” 

“We have you here because of a break in your case, as I’m sure you know.” 

You gave a grim nod. 

It’s all anyone wanted to talk about since the story flashed on the news last week. Leaving your once quiet home filled with reporters. You weren’t even home when it happened, out getting groceries, gripping your sons’ hands firmly as you walked the aisles. Letting him pick out some snacks for his lunchbox, like any mother would, when your phone blew up. 

Dozens of messages, calls, articles, you name it. 

All with his face plastered on it. 

Convicted murderer and kidnapper, Kylo Ren, has requested the death penalty. After being found attempting to escape federal prison for the 6th time in the past five years. The convict claims that he ‘would rather die than live another day rotting in his cell’. Dropping all the appeals cases that his lawyers have been pushing since his initial sentencing. 

The former New York state governor was on trial for murderering and disemboweling 9 separate victims and kidnapping an 18-year-old girl. He kept her in his basement as his sex slave for close to 3 years before he married her, the young girl escaping into the streets when she was just 22 years old. Covered from head to toe in gashes, blood, and bruises. Claiming that her husband had beaten her within an inch of her life. 

The subsequent trial lasted three months after his arrest. Leading to him being convicted of first-degree murder, rape, and domestic assault. He was sentenced to life in prison, his then-wife was placed under medical care for an undetermined time. 

Mr. Ren has tried to get his charges appealed since the initial sentencing, claiming that his wife was mentally insane and an unfit witness. Along with other claims that include bribing members of the jury to change their verdicts. The whereabouts of Mr. Ren’s ex-wife is unknown, but he claims that he has kept tabs on her even from ‘the inside’. 

“Your kidnapper is being put on death row, which isn’t allowed in the state of New York. Which means he is being transferred over state lines to another prison. However, it hasn’t been revealed where he is being brought because of people interfering with the swap. How do you feel about that?” 

You chewed your cheek, thinking for a moment. There was no way he did this willingly, Ren was never someone to take the easy way out. The last time you heard from him was three years ago, on your son’s birthday. 

Receiving a call from the prison, the only one you had gotten since the sentencing. 

You remember picking up the phone, throat going dry as you whispered that you accepted the charges. Waiting for the operator to connect you to him, after three long years without his voice. 

“Hello, love.” 

“What,” you whispered, stepping away from the living room of screaming toddlers. Your boyfriend gave you a weird look when your face went white as a ghost. “What do you want, Ren?” 

“How are you? Doing well I hope?” 

You huffed, moving into your kitchen and ripping a bottle of wine out of the fridge. Taking a drink as you snarled, “Just tell me what shitty thing you have to say so I can go back to my family.” 

“Oh, yes. Your family.” he sighed, “And what a sweet family it is… little Luke is how old now? I would think he would be about… three.” 

“How do you know about my son?” 

“Hm.” 

“I don’t think he’s just yours.” 

“You shut your mouth, Luke is not your son. I’m going to hang up if you don’t get to the point.” 

“He’s growing up so well. Hairs getting longer, but I know you like to keep it short. But he complained about his ears last time-so big.” 

You took a deep breath, peaking into the living room. Just in time to see your baby boy, smiling and laughing with his friends. Sitting in your boyfriends’ lap, tearing into presents. His big eyes shone with tears of joy when he ripped through a gift that was his favorite color, red. A squeal so loud it could’ve shattered a window, pulling out a giant plush toy. It was like a penguin-mixed with a little dog, no nose, and some sharp fangs. From one of his favorite TV shows, along with a card and some other little toys. 

“Tell me, love,” he chuckled, “Does he like his present? He sounds over the moon about it through the speaker. What I wouldn’t give to be there to run my fingers through his dark hair, look him in the eyes and tell him how much his father loves him.” 

You made Luke sleep in bed with you that night, holding his small body flush with yours. Running your fingers through his curls as he snored into your chest, small tracks of drool seeping into your nightshirt. Trembling as you stared at the shadows, dancing across the bedroom from the window. Full moon shining, you could’ve sworn the floor was creaking downstairs, the sound of footsteps climbing towards your room rang in your ears. 

You didn’t sleep that night, staring into your son’s face as he woke. Blinking awake to smile as you, his grin reaching across his face. All the way to his ears, large ears, covered by his almost black waves. His long lashes fluttering as he greeted you, “Hi mama.” 

His eyes. 

Fuck. 

One of them your eye color, shining back at you. But the other, it was his. 

Deep auburn, shining in the sunlight. Daring you to challenge him, defy him, prove him wrong, anything that would allow him to unleash whatever hell lived under his skin. Flowed through his blood, tainting every corner of your psyche. His child, the one you hid from the world. Moving as far away as you could, claiming it was your boyfriends’ child. 

But he knew. 

And Luke was starting to notice. 

“I feel,” you looked at your hands, forcing them into fists to stop them from shaking, “Just fine, he’s not in my life anymore. Just a small chapter in the book of my story, I hope that he finds peace. Wherever he goes.” 

“Peace? For a man that almost killed you multiple times?” 

You nodded, “Yeah, I do. I can’t change who he is, or what he’s done. I can just try as hard as I can to move on. And if being on death row will help him find what he’s looking for then I wish him the best of luck.” 

She gave you a weird look, shifting in her seat, “Do you think it says anything about his guilt?” 

“Guilt?” 

“Yes, for the past six years he has never acknowledged that he was guilty. Claiming that the jury and witnesses were bought and that you were mentally unstable-making up half the accusations against him. Do you think that him asking for the death penalty is a way of admitting that he was guilty?” 

“Hell no,” you blurted out, eyes going wide at the camera, “Oh-can I swear? I’m so sorry.” 

She laughed you off, “You’re fine, we can blur it out. But you sound so confident? Do you think he believes that he’s done nothing wrong?” 

Now it was your turn to laugh, “Not to repeat myself but, hell no. That man knows, he’s very conscious of his decisions. Everything has a purpose, everything is done for a reason, Ren doesn’t waste his energy on doing something for no benefit.” 

“What would be the benefit of being put on death row?” 

You sighed, thinking about Ren, trying to get into his mindset to see how he could angle the sentencing changing. Letting out a sharp laugh as you rubbed your eyes, “Well-you said it earlier.” 

She looked at you confused. 

“New York doesn’t have the death penalty.” 

New York doesn’t have the death penalty. 

New York doesn’t have the death penalty. 

New York doesn’t have the death penalty. 

“Oh my god,” you whispered, looking around the room frantically. “Oh my god-oh my god-oh my GOD-New York doesn’t have the death penalty!” you screamed, shooting out of the chair. Grasping the reporter by her shoulders and shaking her violently, “He knew! He knew I was coming here! He’s gonna take him!” 

“Miss (Y/N),” the reporters and security officers yelled. Trying to calm you down, but no, she had said it. 

New York doesn’t have the death penalty. 

You ran from the TV station, hailing a cab on the packed streets. Frantically calling your boyfriend over and over, he was at home. Back in Nevada… where the death penalty is legal, with Luke. He wouldn’t pick up, the dial tone ringing three times before his voice sang through the speaker. 

You wailed in the back of the cab, calling everyone you knew back at home. Asking if they could go get Luke from school, if they had seen him that day. Anything to try prove false the sick feeling in your stomach you knew was true. 

Running through airport security as fast as you could, taking the first flight back home. You prayed on the way that your boyfriend had Luke, safe and sound, back at home. Hopefully, curled in his red blanket, snuggling the stuffed animal he got that faithful birthday. 

Even though no one knew where it came from. 

Luke wouldn’t let you get rid of it. 

Claiming his daddy gave it to him. 

You just let him have it, he was three there was no way he would let you take his toy away once he had held it to his chest. Kissing it with his full lips, dragging it around the house every fucking day. It was his best friend, from the moment he saw it. 

You cried on the plane, realizing too late that the gift was from him. 

His real father. 

Watching after his miracle child. 

When you touched down in Las Vegas, your phone blew up. Your stomach flipping as you read through the messages from your boyfriend, explaining that he let your friend pick Luke up from school. The same friend claimed that your boyfriend had picked him up, Luke’s teacher calling to let you know someone in a black Porsche picked him up. 

Whisking away his child from under your nose. 

You choked on your tears as you read the message from his teacher, telling you how happy Luke was when he left. How he ran into your new boyfriend's arms, like he had known him for his entire life. She told you that he had introduced himself, Ben was just the most amazing father figure she had ever met. Stowing away Luke, surrounded by toys and chocolate when she waved them off. 

After you gathered your luggage you walked towards the cabs out front. Stopping cold in your tracks when you saw a chauffeur holding a sign that said your old name. 

Mrs. Ren. 

You climbed in, body feeling numb. 

Your phone dinged, a picture being sent to you from an unknown number. 

A picture of Luke, held tightly against his real father’s chest. Drifting off to sleep in his strong arms that once choked you to death. 

See you at home love, we miss you. 

-----

I wanted baby luke to say something like ‘my daddy visits me at night’ but it was too on the nose. 

TAGLIST: @finn-ray-nal-beads @millenialcatlady @ohdamnadamm  @daydreamsofren @candycanes19 @caelum-phyriina-vermillon @millenialcatlady @safarigirlsp  @caillea @roanniom @insufferablelust @mrs-zimmerman​ 

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: The Treasure of the Lost Lamp Movie Reviewcap! (Patreon Stretch Goal)

Hello all you happy people! And we have a special review today for two reasons. The first is that this is my second patreon stretch goal review, having hit the 15 dollar goal back in march thanks to my wonderful friend Emma, the same patreon whose responsible for the Green Eggs and Ham Reviews,  who helped me hit the 15 dollar goal.  As a result you fine people are getting three movie reviews each based on a Disney Afternoon Movie with Treasure of the Lost Lamp today, a goofy movie at the end of the motnh for  a weeklong tribute to my favorite dogmandadguy.  Extremley was going to be part of it but the length of this review convinced me otherwise, but I will be doing it this summer so keep an ear out. If you want to help me hit my next stretch goals do yourselve a favor and zip on over to my patreon YOU CAN FIND MY PATREON HERE. My next stretch goal at “OH Look 20 Dollars” would give everyone patreon and not, a monthly review of Darkwing Duck as decided by my patrons, reviews of BOTH season 2 mini series from Ducktales 87, introducing Fenton to the world and blighting it with Bubba before the 2017 series fixed him, and as a brucey bonus added last month a review of Danny Phantom the Ultimate Enemy. And if that wasn’t enough if you help me get to the goal after that at 25 unlocks another trilogy of disney film reviews, this time for the proud family and recess movie and the best kim possible movie, and dcom period, so the drama as well as Bryan Lee O’ Malley’s two stand alone graphic novels, lost at sea and seconds for you Scottaholics in the audience.

The other reason now the shilling’s done. is that the plan WAS to review this back to back with Treasure of The Found Lamp, to the point the orginal review had a whole thing about that, why it was delayed etc... but now that review’s been scrapped all together as something sudden and wonderful happened. After just kinda giving up someone came through with a translation of Della’s first apperance so presumibly i’ll be doing that as part of the build up to mother’s day, and since I still want ot do maternal instincts too, and already had to let the Floyd Gottfredson birthday special slide away as well... it had to go as I want to leave the only open space on the schedule for the lovely person who found the story for me. But this review is still done, i’m very proud of it so join me under the cut won’t you?

Behind The Scenes: Before I get into it i’d just like to note this article from SyFy Wire. It , along with articles I found via wikipedia citations, was an invaluable resource. 

The film was an experiment: It was an experiment to see if one of their tv properties could bring in theatrical money, to see if a movie made on a cheaper budget and still rake in decent money, to see if a film could be made being outsourced to several diffrent places, and to see what one of those places, their recently aquiried french stuido, could handle this kind of work. 

The film, if succesful would be the first of Disney’s MovieToons line, a series of films based on their shows. As you can tell by the fact only this movie and Goof Troop happened and the Movie Toons label wasn’t applied to that one it very much failed. While the film was warmly recevied by people who liked the show general audiences didn’t turn out for it. As a result the MovieToons label was scrapped, future projects with it were canceled.. but the stellar work put in by the french stuidio lead to it perserviering for several more decades and lead to them working on the Goofy Movie, which we’ll get to later this month but needless to say was a MUCH bigger hit with a much bigger budget. 

As for why the film failed... I have two theories. THe first is that parents were stupid back then and didn’t want to pay to see something on the big screen they could see on tv’s. This is a stupid mentality to me as generally a movie of a tv show puts in a ton of extra effort and usually goes bigger and dosen’t go home. It’s a likely theory given most liscened films of the era didn’t do quite well, with all three hasbro films tanking. And look I get Transformers the Movie is cheesy and killed a lot of people’s childhood toys, but damn if it ain’t aweosme.. and also something I need to cover at some point. Thankfully this died out by later in the 90′s with Rugrats getting a hugely succesful if flawed film, a better sequel and a third one that was also a crossover with the wild thornberries. 

And even now in 2020 we’re getting the Loud House and Rise of the TMNT movies sometimes this summer, we were SUPPOSED to have gotten the bobs burgers movie this summer but arne’t because Disney is being a dick about it.

And we got a phineas and ferb movie last year. With this trend hopefully thsi means we’ll get a Ducktales 2017 movie at some point since season 4 left a huge sequel hook laying right there to grab for a feature film.  One final note: The film was conceptually thought up as a 5 part serial like “Treasure of the Golden Suns”, “Catch as Cash Can”, “SuperDucktales” and “Time is Money, something that DOES show as the movie weirdly has act breaks. In a feature film. Yup. 

The Guest Cast:

I won’t go into the full cast since I’ve sung Alan Young and Russi Taylor’s praises PLENTY on this blog before, and I plan to go into Beakly and Launchpad’s actors when they show up in the pilot movie. But i’d be remiss if i didn’t talk about our three guest actors for our three new parts. 

First up is Merlock voiced by legend and if I had a hall of fame, hall of famer Christopher Lloyd.. I need to get me one of those. Lloyd is of course known for playing Doc Brown in back to the future but has done countless other films, voicework, and other good stuff. Among his MASSIVE filmography includes The Back to the Future Trilogy (Already mentioned it but it bears repeating), Star Trek III, Who Framed Roger Rabbit as the pants destroyingly terrifying Judge Doom, The Addams Family duology as fester, a role rip torn would ironcially play for the animated series made to captalize on said movie, Hey Arnold! The Movie, The Oogieloves in The Big Ballon Adventure (Look everybody needs money sometimes okay?), and Art of the Deal: The Movie, which was not, thankfully an ego filating nightmare made by trump himself but a film made by funny or die parodying his terrible book and having Llloyd return as Doc Brown. TV Wise he’s known for Taxi, Back to the Future the Animated Series, Cyberchase and he most recently popped up on Big City Greens. How I missed that ep I.. do know as I haven’t watched season 2. Gonna fix that later this month. Lloyd is utterly awesome, a great guy and thankfully still alive at the time of this writing, so I was happy to have him here. 

Less familiar to me but still known is Rip Taylor, a comedian known for his flamboyant unique way of speech and his marvelous mustache. He showed up in things occasionally and always seemed like the nicest guy and his passing in late 2019 truly is sad. He does a terrific job here but more on that in a moment. 

Finally we have Richard Libertini, a comedian I never really saw in anything besides this who according to IMDB was most famous for his ablility to do a foreign accent. I REALLY hope all of them aren’t as horribly racist as this one. We’ll.. get to that in a sec as it’s time for the plot!

A Treasure Uncovered:

We open our film gorgeously. The animation is great in the film, having some rough edges I chalk up to the film’s hectic production, the studio being new at working at disney properties, and the film not being meant for HD. That being said a few rough spots here and there aside.. the film looks ungodly gorgeous. Like most theatrical films based on a cartoon it takes an already great style and makes it look great. It feels like a more fluid evolution of the cartoons look and it’s a shame we didn’t get more movies in this style for both this show and others, ESPECIALLY Darkwing Duck. Can you imagine a Darkwing Duck movie with this lush animation? Hopefully we’ll get one eventually. 

So our heroes are going to somewhere in the Middle East. That’s.. that’s all wikipedia gives me and all the film gives me. As usual Scrooge is after treasure in this case the Treasure of Collie Baba, the greatest thief there ever was based obviously off Ali Baba from 1001 nights and that one Beastie Boys song. 

It’s here we find the WORST thing about the film, the thing that makes this a hard one to watch depsite otherwise being pretty good, and that makes my skin crawl knowing i’m a white man and a BUNCH of white guys, Ducktales series creator who did the voice casting for this character, the writers who wrote him, the direector disney them fucking selves who thought this was okay. 

The film has some horrible steroytping. It starts with a bunch of backgorund guys surronding Scrooge, with crooked teeth and steotypical voices. This on it’s own is odious. 

It somehow gets worse. Then we meet one of our antagonists. We meet Dijon. 

This Fucking Guy 

Djon is horribly offensive reminding me of other such luminaries in being ungodly offensive yet somehow getting put to film as Jar Jar Binks (With all respeect to his poor actor Ahmed Best, this is not his fault), Rob Schinder as a Sterotypically asian preist, Skids and Mudflap, Rob Schinder as a sterotypically mexican bandit, The Whitewashed cast of The Last Airbender, and Rob Schinder as a stereotypically asian preist. What i’m saying is Djon is an AWFUL, horribly offensive character.. and that Rob Schinder should be shot up into space, not to watch cheesy movies, he’s not funny enough for that, but instead to be sent to a satlitie that’s liveable, but also filled to the brim with spring loaded boxing gloves. Just tons of boxing gloves that feel like getting punched by a heavewight boxer all hidden... they could hit his legs, his face, his nuts, his face and his nuts, the point is he’s in constnat pain unless he moves carefully. 

And lest you think i’m exaggerating for starters this is his design. 

It just screams “vaugely but sterotpyically middle eastern” along with cowardly. The fact he’s also a literal rat is just the icing on the cake made of broken glass, shrapnel and broken DVD’s of Transformers; Revenge of the Fallen. They say if you eat a reveng eof the fallen dvd John Tutoro appears at the foot of your bed and watches you while you sleep.. and by they I mean me. It was a bad bet. I got rid of him with some insese and a bribe of five dollars. 

Oh but that’s just design.. when he talks it’s MUCH worse. His voice is like if they took Apu from the simpsons and said “This but MORE offensive”, and his perosnality is WORSE. He’s a thief.. and not in the endearing loveable rogue way but he’s a pick pocket and a running “Gag’ is that he’ll often grab eveyrthing within reahc. As the deisgn shows he’s a coward running at every opportunity. Oh and to top it all off he’s the willing servant of the white coded, given all ducks in this series are white coded and voiced bby white actors, big bad. And the actor is naturally VERY white to make this cocktail of offensivness so complete that if Disney ever got rid of this film I GUARANTEE the republcian party would be running in with accusations of cancel culture gone amok and never shutting up about this like they did the muppets. Which for the record THEY DIDN’T CANCEL THEM, YOUR POINT IS ILLEGITMATE, THEY JUST WANTED TO BE SENSTIVE YOU GHOULS. 

I do have a reason for bringing up Disney’s content warnings... most damming of all given just how DEEPLY uncomfortbale this character is.. there isn’t one for this movie. I double checked: There isn’t even wanring notes on the website. It’s just.. on there. And given just how ghastly a sterotype Djon is.. that’s not right. Seriously they DID put them on certain episodes of the show, theyk now this sort of thing is wrong and they done wrong.. but for NO reason they haven’t done so for a film released 31 years ago. Around the same time as the series and just offensive as that show at it’s worst if not more so. This is flatly inexcusable.. par for the course for Disney’s incompetence but still horribly furstrating, disgusting and shameful.. which has been the theme of the last three days really. I expect better because when it comes to putting that warning label on this stuff, they usually are better. First the scheduling mixup and now this. You already do a handful of things wrong Disney why add this to the list?!

It’s just draining not only to run into another Disney Fuckup after a weekend of dealing with one of their worst in recent memory, but just to watch Djon. To see this horrible caractrure saunter onto the screen and go on with his harmful schtick, to see that THIS is what Ducktales 87 reduced non white people to more often than not.  It’s remarkable just how throughly and awesomely Frank and Matt completely and totally reversed this. Instead of horrible sterotypes in the reboot, we got TONS of loveable people of color, an endearing latino hero, a smart african american buisness woman who takes no shit but is still a consumate professional, and an egyptian HERO with an intresting story and a strong moral code instead of this horrible reminder that racisim in media was such an afterthought not ONE person brought this up during the scyfy wire stuff or in any inteview i’ve seen. No one cared. Djon was POPULAR enough that he got three episode sin the series. THREE FUCKING EPISODES. This film could be GOOD.. but it’s just so bogged down EVERY FUCKING TIME this artists interpreitation of what Tucker Carlson sees when he looks at a middle eastern person I had to pause to compose myself and had to take a break writing this review to avoid tyiping this in all caps and using the phrase YOU RACIST MOTHERFUCKERS every other sentence. And again i’m white, I get this is second hand offensiveness.. I do... but it dosen’t mean I can’t be offended other white people were so callous about other cultures behaviors this happened.

And what makes me feel worse.. is that I just sorta... never thought about white people voicing non white characters. Things like this I noticed sure, I realize now part of the reason I didn’t like this movie the first time I saw it was this alex jones version of a looney tune, but I do feel shame for not noticing or caring long before this. Sure I loved it when a character of color got played by a person of color.. but I didn’t realize just how deep that problem was and how LONG it went on for before the outcry post george floyd and the call to action lead to most shows still going course correcting. It’s why stuff like this extra botehrs me: because THIS was just as okay at the time. No one blinked twice about this and odds are the creators involved still haven’t. And that.. that’s just terrible and it hurts to think about and  I still have most of the movie to go.  

The Pyramid of Peril:

So we do get a gorgeous unvewling scene of a box Scrooge found out about from Collie Baba’s horde that should lead them to the treasure. This scene reminds me of Indina Jones.. and I bring this up because the poster was specifically made to mimick an indinia jones poster, to the point of getting drew struzan to do it. THe creator of Ducktales objected..l but I do not get WHY. While I”m not sure if he had yet, Speilberg flat out admits the Carl Barks comics were an inspiration for Indina Jones, with the iconic bolder chase coming from a similar scene in one of Barks Stories. Gotta cover that too. So yeah I don’t get not wanting an indina jones style poster when both were inspiried by the same work and it’s just simple logic and it looks so neat. Thank you. 

Scrooge finds seemingly just clothes.. and a map. Jeff Dunham’s Most Racist Puppet reports to his master, Merlock. Merlock is a.. meh villian. Christopher Lloyd does try.. but Lock is your standard evil overlord wants to take over the world type. He dosen’t have much depth, or personality and only his style saves him from dragging the film down along with Dana Carvey’s most racist disguise in master of disguise. He does have a deent shape shifting gimick and being played by Christopher Lloyd means he’s acted TREMENDOUSLY. Alan Young was apparently in awe watching him work and that’s wonderful to hear. The guy did his best. Weirdly Merlock would show up in tons of other works, mostly video games.. but even weirder he NEVER showed up in ducktales 2017. Both Djon and Gene would, Djon thankfully renamed we’ll get to all of that tommorow thank god. I need it after this. But Frank has outright said they didn’t use Merlock because there simply wasn’t anything they could do with him they couldn’t dow ith magica. My likely guess is the might of found a way to revamp him EVENTUALLY, it’s not like radical revamps weren’t there thing come on, they just had way more stories with Magica and didnd’t get around to it before the show was canceled. Just make him some sort of evil god or something. it’s what I might do. There’s a lot of angles with him. Though I would’ve still gotten christopher lloyd back. I mean most of the recasting is good but he’s still alive and deserved a better shot at things. 

So Merlock sends Djonn to go with scrooge as his guide to find the treasure, as there’s something of imense power within it. And I gotta ask WHY does Merlock need a minon. No really. This isn’t a situation like reboot magica where he’s trapped in another realm. He can shapeshift into any animal. We only see him use falcon, rat, cockroach and bear but theoritically he can become anything and bear alone is still a LOT. Why does he need this sterotype even other sterytopes ar eashamed of? The film dosen’t NEED Djonn. Just let Christopher Lloyd monologue and leave this post 911 propogranda cartoon at home. 

So our heroes nad rejected jar jar prototype head into the desert, and seemingly find nothing before finding a small pyramid all while Merlock follows desecretley as a mighty hawk. 

Scrooge makes the boys and Djon dig... because they clearly forgot the “work hard” part of his ethos. 

Our heroes unveil the pyramid... and while Merlock SAYS he searched the desert and I get it’s hard to see thourgh all of that.. the dude is immortal, had decades to search and had Mickey Rooney there on standby to force him to go comb the desert. I have an artist rendering of that hang on

So our heroes enter the pyramid and it goes.. really how you’d expect: there’s a bunch of traps our brave explorers have to pass, the boys minintpret a juinor woodchuck saying about loosing your marbles to mean using the ones they actually have which geninely comes in handy as they trip the traps and Rob SChinder as a carrot stumbles into one. Also launchpad is wearing a hawaiin shirt and shades. This has no baring on the plot, but it does bring the movie up a notch in my book and I question why the reboot never used this outfit. Then again they also never properly used Donald’s Quack Pack Outfit (Which bad show or not, is objectively awesome), or his Quack Shot Indiana Jones Riff Outfit, so  it’s not like there isn’t a presdecnt for not giving a character a cool costume change from a previous medium. I really should do a top 12 missed opportunities list for the 2017 cartoon.. the ideas for stuff are really piling up. 

OUr heroes eventually find the treasure which has insidiously clever security the more I think about it: at first I thought it had none, just a pit with some... scorpions? I mean their supposed to be but they look like they crawled out of the same stygian hole in the sky Doofus crawled out of. And if your asking me “wait which Doofus” the answer is both. Both these abominations crawled out of a stygian hole in the sky.

But the treasure is on a platform surrounded by scoprions with the only way out being the trap filled way they came in. Unless someone comes in with a full team and a bunch of lootin sacks, they aren’t getting out with EVERYTHING. They can steal SOME of the treasure but there’s no way to get any signifigant portion... and the team thing itself is an issue, something Collie defintely predicted being a thief himself: while some thieves can work well as a team, hence why we have four oceans movies 3/4 damn good, and for the record 12 is the bad one, 8 is how you do a soft reboot and a female led reboot right, a good chunk of professional crooks will turn on each other or try and swinldle... and tha’ts dangerous in a trap filled temple but hey some criminals ain’t so smart.  If they all were Rudy Gulliani wouldn’t have two razzies for preparing to pull his pants down, and have waved his phone around on tv like a dare for future adminstrations to arrest the shit out of him would he? 

But Scrooge has his family so they get loading. But not before Webby finds the lamp. Not knowing about it Scrooge has no intrest in it, but Webby does. We also get a really simple but hilarious gag where SCrooge dickers over the idea for a second.. before Webby picks up a Jeweled tiara to possibly take instead. The best gags to me are often the ones that just let the character’s perosnalities take the lead and bounce off each other. It’s why when I reviewed the four lilo and stitch crossovers recently I harped on character interaction as their biggest weakness: it’s what MAKES a good work for me. It’s why my faviorite comics and shows often follow a loveable group of disfunctional misfits. I like a group of big personalities who despite in theory should NOT be able to work making it work anyway. And it’s honeslty what’s made Scrooge last so long: Scrooge on his OWN is awesome.. but iwth the boys, donald, and in the case of this series and the reivival Webby and Launchpad, with people to bounce off of who he contrasts heavily with, from Launchapd’s buffonery to Webby’s inehrent sweetness in both versions, to the boys genuine honesty and sense of adventure.... it makes him truly stand out. He’s a great character on his own, don’t get me wrong.. but it’s the people around him that give him chances to show WHY. A good character on it’s own is fine and dandy.. a good character with other good characters around them is where it gets truly special. 

Merlock naturally bursts in and in a VERY Black Heron move needlesly outs what micheal bay sees when he closes his eyes as a bad guy... no really he grabs the guy with his talons as he captures the treasure and reveals he’s a bad guy. I don’t even get why keep Djonn alive. He’s done all Merlock possibly could’ve needed and Merlock is ruthless... this makes no sense and only happens because they need Djonn for later in the plot.

Our heroes barely escape, rafting out on the platform itself in a thrilling sequence.. but it’s the one right after that catches my attention. Scrooge utterly defeated, having searched for this treasure for forty years and unresponsive to everyone else. The anmation, coupled with the incomprable Alan young’s acting makes this the highlight of the film for me. Beneath the armor of wealth and skill.. is only a poor old man who just lost something he’s been chasing after most of his life. Scrooge tries his hardest not to be vunerable and both shows and the original comics all use that so when he truly is devistated like this, and i’ts belivible since this treasure is a personal goal of his and as someone who has had things that they seek out specifically, loosing them always hurts. It hurts to ALMOST reach a goal only to have it crumble out under you

But while this alone is good.. what’s next makes it great. Webby sweetly offers up the lamp. Scrooge turns it down, and her genuine gesture reinvgorates him and reminds us of who he is “I’ll find it if it takes another 40 years”> Scrooge may be bitter, mean and selfish a lot of the time.. but deep down, he’s a good man and one who will not give up, and a momentary setback can only stop him so long as long as he has his family to remind him of who he truly is.. and what’s truly important. It’s genuinely sweet and to me is also a reminder of why 87 Webby is a good character: Shes’ not perfect, her main personality trait is often Girl Sterotype”.. but she’s a genuinely sweet small child with a huge heart. It’s telling that while 17′ Webby is almost completely diffren,t and far better, that heart remains her biggest strength. Sure her reboot self could kill a man nad no one would ever find the body, but it’s her heart and empathy that makes that possible and makes her Webby.  That inherent loving nature is what makes Webby webby wether she’s a toddler having a tea party or a tween getting ready to intergoate a guy with a meat tenderizer while saying ‘Cute girl stuff”. 

Gene Genie Let’s Himself Go:

It’s a few days later and this is the point where it REALLY becomes obvious this was written as a bunch of episodes. Though to the film’s credit while it does ake this feel like a compliation movie as a result... it dosen’t hamper the film’s quality, condiment from Rush Limbaghs’ hot dog stand does that just fine, but once you notice it it’s impossible to unotice it. Weirdly though it seems chunked up into four episodes rather than the usual five, likely cutting down an episode, though I can’t see where they cut out material frankly if they did and i’ts just as likely they woudl’ve had to make one to fill in the space.

So Scrooge is in a mood, being grumpy with his secretary Mrs. Featherly, quackfaster in all but name, and having to be sent home. So while Duckworth goes to fetch him Webby polishes her treasure at long last readying for a tea party, something the boys roundly reject because their sexist little twits and swo were the writers or executies who assumed all little boys act the same. It’s easily my biggest pet peeve with the series as a whole: anytime this crops up with the boys it turns them into the worst dicks imaginable. It’s telling this, being mean about her wantin ga tea party with her surrogate brothersi s TAME. Normally they’ll say she can’t do things because she’s a girl or mock her hobies outright instead of just be mildly dickish. And while she dosen’t look much younger Webby is VERY CLEARLY, in this series anyway, supposed to be say 5 or 6 to the boys 8-10. 7 at most. SHe’s a small child and while it is realistic for older kids to bully younger ones, it’s not fun to watch. It’s why I get annoyed at all the big sibling bully characters.. some work, but most aren’t fun to watch because there’s nothing funny or intresting about it. It’s the same deal here. 

Thankfully that quickly goes away as the lamp moves when Webby rubs it and does so again to prove it did move. Huey finishes it and we’re introduced to Gene, the best part of the film.  Gene is a Genie and he takes a second to dart around before messing with the appliances in the kitchen, as he was last around during the time 1001 Nights Came About. Cleverly though, and so we thankfully don’t have 80 dozen fishout of water jokes that have already been done before. As you can probably guess i’m not a huge fan of time travel fish out of water stuff. Now from another dimensoin or planet, i’m on board with with Star Vs, Steven Universe and Sym-Bionic Titan being great examples of this, as is the comic resident alien. (Despite having the wonderous Alan Tuduk the show sounds way more mean spirited and misses the entire point of the comic as given by the author in the credits, i.e. that the alien is supposed to NOT be a threat and just be gently waiting for a ride) The inverse is also good with Amphbia and owl house, taking a human and plopping them into our world. But time travel stuff just usually runs the same beats of “look at the shiny thing” and what not. The only time i’ve sene something SIMILAR work is with thor where their society is SIMILAR to vikings time but still it’s own thing.. it also gave us a classic gag in..

So yeah i’m glad they dropped this and instead had a clever way around it: Gene reads the encylopedia at the mansion. Granted it’s Scrooge so I don’t know how current it is and given this came out in 1990 thus HOW racist it is. It’s not a questoin of IF it was, but how much.

But having caught up the kids confront him with the fact he has to grant wishes. This lamp runs on what I now realize are Aladdin rules: Whoever currently holds the Lamp is the Genie’s master, they only get three wishes, and that dosen’t reset if it changes hands. The only big diffrence from the usual is Gene dosen’t have to TELL them about the wishes like Genie did, and Gene very begrudginly agrees to it. He also seem’s phsyically pained when doing so. 

So since all 12 know about him, each of the kids gets a wish though it seems unfair with HDL. Their one person, they shoudln’t get 9 wishes just because their brain is spread out over three bodies. 

This film continues the weird simliarties to Aladdin by attaching rules though they instead come up as a result of our heroes talking rather than the Genie just flat out tleling them: both share the “you can’t wish for more wishes” thing, a common rule in these stories and usually only broken nowadays as a clever twist as the rule is SO common place, not having it is a twist. But it is there for a reason: to limit the sheer power of a reality warping wish. The wishes can also only go so far. In a nice line, when Huey, Dewey or Louie suggests wishing for peace one earth, Gene says “No pipe dreams’ He can’t bend people or reality on THAT scale. He can bend reality as we find out, but it’s smaller scales like turning someone’s possesions over ot someone else, warping the bin into a castle, or bringing inanitamte objects to limited life. Still HUGE feats worth of a genie, so Gene’s power isn’t so nerfed it’s unusuable, but it does explain why his evil pervious ownder Merlock, more ont hat in a bit too, didn’t just wish to have eternal dominon over the earth or something. Gene can do just about anything but he can’t change the world on a fundemental level. 

And I do LIKE having rules in wished based stories like this, I chalk it up to growing up with Fairly Odd Parents... though they eventually went too far in the oppsoitie direction, pulling rules out of their ass to suit the episode, instead of simply having some very standard, very understandable rules that still pose challenges but don’t outright cheat so the episode can happen. 

So Webby does her first wish.. and wishes for a Baby Elephant, something Gene is against as he prefers they keep the wishes small: otherwise he gets found out, and the fight over him begins. So one of the boys wishes him away. Or Webby does. Point is it’s gone though not before Beakly sees it and Scrooge smells something is up. Our heroes try to hide gene, but gene thankfully simply dresses up like a modern kid and thus is able to pass as a friend of there staying for the night. 

So with the rules established and what not the kids find a clever solution: they simply go a ways away from the mansion into the woods, far enough from town to avoid any suspcion, and same iwth the mansion and just wish for all kinds of stuff: a giant bunch of ice cream toys, standard kid wish fufillment but it’s nice... in part because the kids treat Gene like one of them. Wihle they STARTED asking him about the wishes, this starts the bonding process. Soon he will be part of the hive mind.. SOON. 

Until then though after using another wish to make scrooge not mad at them for coming home late and missing dinner, that night we find out Gene’s backstory.... and it’s an utter tearjerker. As it turns out Merlock wants him back because he’s Gene’s former master and as you’d guess.. it was NOT a happy existnace, used contstnatly to do horrible things with no power to stop himself. Pompeii and Atlantis were both directly Merlock’s fault and it was only Collie Baba stealing the lamp that put an end to his hell. He also answers the two obvious questions botht he audeiince and the boys have: How the hell is Merlock still alive and shoudln’t he be out of wishes then? The first is simple. Unlike pretty much every DBZ Villian whose WANTED to do so, Merlock wished for immortality first chance he got, taking the Zamasu route instead and thus leaving him free. 

As for the wishes thing it turns out his amulet, in adition to shapeshifting, also gives him extra wishes becuase fuck it. 

But the boys sweetly offer to protect him. 

The next day, Apu’s Cousin let’s Merlock know the maps in the mansion and Merlock has him help sneak in with Merlock taking rat form. This backfires as Mrs. Beakley notices the form and chases after him with a broom

Meanwhile Webby has her tea party with Gene after he and the boys played cops and robbers earlier, and he’s bored.. though nicely not because it’s a girly thing, but because the stuffed animals aren’t alive and she naively has him fix that. This leads to 

Which sadly is jsut scrooge vs a duck toy but admit it, you want that movie for Disney Plus yesterday. Call Charles Band Disney. CALL CHARLES BAND! 

Whelp Scrooge Still Sucks:

Scrooge takes for a turn for the obnoxious in the next part, but i’ts fine by me as it’s part of the plot. Naturally this reinactment of Cult of Chucky has lead to Scrooge finding out about the Genie. To his credit, Scrooge is tactical about his wishes. As said by the Duck himself “I could wish for a diamond, no the world’s biggest dimaond, no ten world’s biggest diamond, no a diamond mind, no the MINING INDUSTRY!”

The sheer power this gives him is TERRIFYING, both because of his status.. and because unlike the kids who all wished for simple kid stuff and used up their wishes quickly, he both gets how much he can do with this and could conquer the world economy if he truly wanted to. 

The obnoxious part comes in as he treats Gene as not a person, figuring he’s just there and forces him into the lamp despite the kids protests after Gene grants his first wish: Collie Baba’s treasure. It also dosen’t feel like the wishing nor him using the lamp to get the tresure back goes against his hard work ethos: for the former while he is getting all this magically, he’s still having ot use his wits to get the most out of it, and he did earn the lamp itself square. For the latter, he already earned the treasure square too and had it stolen. He’s onlyg etting back what’s by all rights HIS. Granted he plans on giving most of it up for a tax break but still it’s his by right. 

However the reason his assholery works is twofold: first it’s Scrooge. While he’s not a TERRIBLE person, in the comcis and this cartoon he isn’t a GOOD person either. He DOES have a good heart and will usually do the right thing, but his first instnct is always to get more money and to be a cantakerous old bastard to eveyrone and everything. While he’s subtly grew out of “I hate eveyrone and everyone hates me” as his guiding principal, it’s still his defualt reaction to most situations. But he first relents by letting Gene attend the party, part of why the Collie Baba thing stung so bad was that he’s told the historical society he’d get the treasure for years only to come back empty handed, if shrunken. But he still manages to have a good time while Asok and Merlock infiltrate.. well I’mRunningOutofINsultingNIcknamesCanYouTell steals the silverware. Yes... that.. that really happens. 

Look we’re almost done, i’m almost free of this racist mummies curse. Let’s continue. Gene sees melock and freaks and drags SCrooge with him and while at First Scrooge is cranky...

No but now I want a Donkey Kong Country crossover too dammmit. And to talk about those games. Another thing for the list. But Scrooge is righ tot be a bit surly...

Okay now your just pushing it. As Gene whisked him away without telling him anything other than vauge worries... but then he gets a full idea of why Gene’s so terrified when Merlock shapeshifts into a bear and starts breaking the door down. Eh, could be worse. 

Gene shrinks them to escape and Merlock leaves thinking they fled but leaves Skids Minus Mudflap to go look for them. Scrooge sneaks out but bumps into a cart running from the photo you see when you look up stereotype on google. I mean I assume.. let’s try it. 

Huh you know I HOPED but I never expected... 

So Google Proving My Point plans to give his lamp to the master because of his weird Torgo-Esque obession with helping a man who clearly wants to murder him but takes his sweet time doing so because plot, and Gene figuring this COULDN’T POSSIBLY go as bad as Melock getting him urges the dummy to keep him and make his own wishes.

This goes about as well as you’d expect....

Wiped Out With A Wish:

Scrooge returns home to find Watto has wished to take his poessions, fortune, everything and Scrooge gets thrown in jail for breaking into his own house. We get two great moments back to back. The first is Scrooge lamenting loosing his fortune in jail, and realizing the sheer power and risk of the lamp, especially since he worked hard to earn it, every bit of it.. and Sam Wilson’s 70′s Backstory came in and took it all in an instant. 

The second is Scrooge’s family coming for him, including Launchpad , Beakly and Webby obviously and bailing him out. Though Beakly is UNGOLDLY annoying in this scene, sobbing hysterically and adding nothing and it’s not nearly as funny as the  film thinks. Turns out Goliath getting buried wrapped in chains threw them out. 

Scrooge takes a bit to rebound from all this.. but eventually realizes something: he knows the security of the bin inside and out. He had it put in after all. So it’d be easy enough to break in. So they gotta break in to break out the lamp, undo this nightmare, and END THIS MOVIE. Seriously this review has taken two days  as is I do NOT want to miss my invincible review. 

So they break into the bin, and it’s a tightly paced Scene, scrooge going in one way while the kids go the other and we even get a nice callback as the marbels come in handy to get past one of the traps. It’s just a good scene. it’s only real flaw is that Launchapd just sorta disappears as does Duckworth despite the fact their in a plane, and the bin later gets turned into a floating castle. Kinda a plot hole to not have Launchpad crash in to save htem just saying. 

Scrooge eventually does get to Djonn, whose been ignoring the imminent threat of Merlock while Gene sweats it out... and this backfires horribly as Merlock hitched a ride as a roach (Though there was a hilarious scene of him getting fried constnatly by lasers when Louie went through a laser hallway, as while Louie had the directions, it dind’t take into account passengers on your head. 

So Merlock remanifests in full gets the Lamp and unleashes his wrath on Tin Tin in the Congo and turns him into a wild pig. 

Not you sweetie. He then forces Gene to turn the castle into a fortress and float it back to his home in parts unknown. It’s a DAMN cool scene with impressive and horrifiing animation as the bin melts and crumbles into thte castle and the kids barely make it up the stares as they shift and disolve. Really top notch stuff.

Scrooge stands up to Merlock... and this naturally goes poorlyw ith Gene begging Merlock not to respond.. and Merlock having him blow scrooge off the top of the forgtess storm eagle style, though scrooge understands. And this is the true reason why scrooge being a dick didn’t bother me so much. Because it helps create a great contrast between him and Merlock. Both thought of Gene as a tool rather than a person.. but Scrooge grew to realize he was wrong and what he was dealing with wasn’t some magical goodies creator.. but a child forced to constantly grant wishes, in sheer agony to do so no less, likely so sick of it because again and again and again people used him as a slave to get what they wanted and to hell with what Gene wanted. He realized he was terrible for making this poor boy into his slave simply because that’s his job. In contrast Merlock could give no shits and is a malevolent monster who glefully uses Gene despite the pain the wishes put him through and his protests. It’s why Gene is the best part.. he’s  athroughly likeable, throughly inncoent character with tons of personality and a truly tragic and horrifying backstory and Rip Taylor acts the hell out of every scene with the guy. 

Thankfully the marbles come in handy one last time and Huey, Dewey or Louie snipes the lamp away and a struggle for it insues between Scrooge and Merloc mid air. it’s fucking awesome.. and it get sbetter in how scroogewins. He simply gets rid of Merlock’s amulet, taking it then throwing it. Grante dhe COULD’EVE used it for unimited wishes.. but it was too risky to do that and as we’ll see in the ending , Scrooge realized the Lamp was too powerful to keep around for much longer and too much of a tempting target for his rogues.. not that we see them this movie as the crew wanted it to bea ccesaible and thus kept hte cast to the main cast from season 1 and just made new vilians and a new supporting character, but still. 

He does use his second wish though to undue the damage Merlock had done and the bin and clan mcduck are returned to duckburg in good condition.

Time for our ending, which is genuinely and wholly touching. With the lamp too dangerous to use Scrooge considers just sending it to the earth’s core, which horrifies the kids as it’d mean Gene would be trapped there forever... if the molten lava iddn’t just outright destory the lamp and probably kill him. But Scrooge.. isn’t the bastard he likes to potray himself as. Instead he makes Gene into a real boy. He gives the poor kid HIS wish, which designrates the lamp and undoes all the spells... so Merlock is PROBABLY dead but he does return for some games so maybe not? 

And so we end on two things: Gene happily playing cops and robbers with the boys finally free.. and Birth of A Nation grabbing all the loot he can in his patns and running off. Ha ha ha thank god i’m done with this prick. And no I will not be looking at his ducktales episodes unless I have to. 

Final Thoughts:

This movie is OKAY. It has a solid plot, gene is a wonderful chacter, the animatoin is pretty prettay pretty good, and the voice acting as usual is excellent, with Rip Taylor being the standout. 

But as my paragraphs of rage shoud’ve made Clear Djonn is just BAD. Easily the worst character i’ve encountered in my year of reviewing and some of the worst writing i’ve ran into. And that writing includes a goblin man voyerstically forcing two teenagers to make out, making jokes about santa renaming himself Clem the sceneafter he tearfully confessed to letting the elves and ms. claus die, accidental transphobia via the u-men, and Bryan Lee O malley thinking we needed more than one volume of Julie Powers being around.  This was disgusting, even by 1990 standards and especially by 2021 standards and it drags the film down considerably. Without it the film is okay.. with it the film is just VERY hard to watch any time he pops up.  He made getting through the movie a nightmare and while I pause a lot becaue it’s a bad habbit I did so more simply because as I said earlier in the review I could not stand him. 

It makes it a hard film to recommend. If you can stomach the racisim, then it might be worth it, but be aware of what your putting up with going in. But if you can’t.. there’s no shame in that, it’s carbombya levels of bad. Which yes was a real fictoinal country. It was so bad Casey Casem quit transformers over it. True story. So yeah, it’s an okay film, on par with the series at it’s best for the most part.. but Djonn just spoils it for me. 

If you liked this review, like it, share it around that sort of thing and if you want MORE disney movie reviews, in addiiton to the goofy movie one later this month, if you help me hit my 25 dollar stretch goal on patroen.com/popculturebuffet, i’ll do reviews of the Recess, Proud Family and Kim Possible MOvies (Well so the drama anyway), so help me out would you and i’ll see you at the next rainbow.

[6knotty6thotty6]

So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck: 

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion. 

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered,  was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it. 

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it." 

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got. 

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it. 

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat. 

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes. 

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not. 

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled. 

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway. 

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you? 

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late! 

[starship-squidlet]

 “I’m going to pogo stick my way out of here”

Ahhh I’m sorry it took me so long to write this!!! I set it in the Theatre AU, so I hope that’s okay, and I hope you enjoy it!

Prompt from this list

Word count: 1,075

“Ugh,” Elaine groaned, heaving a misshapen plastic bin stuffed full of fabric up onto the cutting room table. “This is my least favorite thing.”

“I thought you said you liked inventory,” Sarah laughed, already marking off a new section on the sheet of scrap paper in front of her. “What’s this one?”

“Uh… Polar fleece, bin two of three.”

“Two of three?”

“Yeah, but… Where are the other two?”

On the floor on the other side of the room, Crutchie laughed. He was surrounded by piles of jewelry that he was sorting, reorganizing, and inventorying for the updated costume storage binder that the three of them were working on. They had quickly discovered that very little of the organizational “system” in the cutting room—or costume storage in general, which was also spread over the sewing and receiving rooms on the third floor, as well as most of the basement two floors down—made any sense, and was horribly out of date, as things had been thrown out and added to storage without being logged in the inventory lists. Fabric storage was possibly the worst off, and Elaine and Sarah had been slogging through the wall full of storage bins for almost the entire week, pulling out, measuring, logging, and refolding fabric cuts, swatches, and scraps, while Crutchie sorted through endless drawers, smaller bins, and other storage containers full of things like pocket squares, jewelry, socks, undershirts, and much more.

In the rest of the theatre, the boys on the crew were doing similar work. Jack and Albert had been pulled by Weisel for props organizing, and were up to their elbows in dust and dirt in the storage hole above stage left. Jack pulled a plastic bin off of a shelf and began to sputter and cough as a cascade of dust and a handful of dead bugs poured off down onto his head. “Gross,” he groaned, trying to brush it off, onto the floor instead of the other props around him.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Albert made a face as he ran a finger across the top of a toy drum, leaving a streak in the layer of dirt there.

“Why do we keep some of this stuff?” Jack asked, opening the offending bin to reveal that it was stuffed full of cheerleader’s pom-poms.

“Christmas stuff needs to be saved because shows are recycled, and you never know what you might need for them when they get redesigned anyways,” Albert droned, repeating the line that they heard regularly from Weisel and the other authority figures around them when similar questions were posed. “And other stuff is really the same thing: you never know when you might need it again.”

“How often do we really need cheerleading pom-poms?” Jack asked, holding one up and shaking it, the plastic rustling.

“Well, we did just use some for Ovation, last summer,” Albert mused. “None of those, obviously.” Both boys laughed, Jack shoved the pom back into the bin, and placed it on their pile of “things to ask Weisel if we can please throw away”.

.*.*.*.*.*.

That afternoon, as the crew was wandering out of the theatre into the brisk winter air—not cold enough to need anything more than a light jacket, and a few of the boys weren’t even wearing those—they were chattering cheerfully amongst themselves, happy to be out in the bright sun and fresh air.

“Hey, Laine, Crutchie,” Jack grinned, appearing between his roommates and slinging his arms around their shoulders as they headed for the front of the building to walk home. “You guys find anything cool today?”

“Check it out!” Elaine said, holding up a misshapen white tophat, the tags still attached. “Brand new. They couldn’t use it for the show they bought it for, ‘cause it was so messed up, so Weisel said I could keep it. It was going to get thrown out otherwise, because of the way the brim is warped and stuff. Perfectly good—well, not good, but useable—and brand new.”

“What are you going to do with it?” Jack asked.

“I dunno,” Elaine shrugged. “But it’s cool.”

Jack laughed.

“What about you?” Crutchie asked. “You guys find anything cool or weird or whatever?”

“Oh, yeah; check it out.” Jack pointed across the parking lot, towards Finch, Elmer, JoJo, Albert, and Race clustered together near their cars, laughing about something. As they watched, Albert’s head popped up over everyone else’s, bobbed up and down a few times, and then Race and JoJo lunged to catch him as he fell.

“What is that?” Elaine laughed.

“Come on,” Jack grinned, steering the other two towards the group.

As they got closer, the object Albert was holding became visible: a pogo stick.

“Where did you find that?” Crutchie asked as Albert started to climb back up onto the device, JoJo hovering worriedly behind him in case he fell again.

“Props hole, over stage left,” Albert grunted as he took a test hop forward. When he didn’t immediately fall over, he kept going, making it almost a full six feet before losing his balance and starting to fall.

“Albert,” Elaine groaned. “You’re going to kill yourself.”

“Or at least break something,” Finch grumbled.

“No, I’m not,” Albert grunted as he untangled himself from the pogo stick. “I’m going to pogo stick my way out of here.”

“Pogo stick your way to death, more like,” Race laughed.

“Oh, ye of little faith!” Albert retorted.

“I’m literally watching you right now. I have the appropriate amount of faith.” ”I’m getting better,” Albert protested.

“That’s what everyone says,” said Finch, “right before they fall and break their face.”

“I feel doubted,” said Albert.

“Oh, one hundred percent,” said Finch. “The only thing I don’t doubt right now is that you’re going to get hurt.”

Albert stuck his tongue out and started to climb back up onto the pogo stick, only to immediately start to fall towards the asphalt, a look of horror frozen on his face. JoJo scrambled to try and catch him, the others lunging uselessly forward with no way to cross the distance in time to help, but he managed to get a foot down to partially catch himself to avoid slamming into the pavement.

“You okay?” JoJo asked, helping Albert once again untangle himself from the pogo stick.

“Yeah,” Albert laughed sheepishly. “Maybe you guys are onto something. There’s a slight possibility I should get some pads before I try and master this thing.”

[makeyourdeanabi]

Finale Reaction- 2 months later

In the wee hours after the Supernatural Finale, after tossing and turning in my bed, I got up and wrote this... this was before I was actually active on Tumblr and I never thought I would share this because I was too self conscious.  I deleted it shortly after I wrote it because it brought me so much pain to relive it.  I have since watched the Finale again and have come to terms with it and I felt it was a good time to share my thoughts. I hope that my words may bring other people comfort who feel the same way.  Thanks for reading :)

Alisha

P.S. Sorry so long, I was feeling things and the words just kept coming and coming  ___________________________________________

I don’t blog.  Never in my life have I sat down to tell the world about my feelings in such a manner.  I may contribute on message boards and social media comments, but I never thought anything was worth my time to spill my guts into the ether when I am near certain that not a soul will read them.  But here I am.  I have to write because if I don’t get these thoughts out of my head, I am going to go full on insane.

That ending was bad. It was a disservice to the 15 years of an incredible show that was not only genre bending it was cultural norms bending.

I could mention the various tropes that this ending (and the previous episodes) invoked, but I am not well versed in them and would never want to do anyone a disservice with a comparison that wasn’t apt.

The buildup up of each character arc and then the glaring lack of conclusion for said character arc was laughable.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement.

I am destroyed.  

I am destroyed that the two men who have been with this franchise since day 1 wrote and directed an episode that they thought was the perfect ending. They thought this is what their devoted fandom wanted.  

I am destroyed that the lead actors signed off on this script and went so far as to call it their favorite.  I realize Jared was the only one calling it his favorite episode. Jensen admitted he had reservations about the episode and needed the wise words of creator Erik Kripke to accept it. I do have to say that taking the word of a man who left the show 10 seasons ago and hasn’t been involved in all the plot lines and inner workings since season 5 is probably not the best idea. I could be mistaken about the extent of Kripke’s involvement, but I am fairly certain that I am right in my assumptions.  

Dean spent 15 years (probably more) of his life feeling unloved, unworthy, self-conscious and convinced that his life had but one purpose and that purpose would ultimately be the death of him, and he had made peace with that.

He is given a best friend, potential love interest, who helps him to see that he is more than that, so much more than that.  He is selfless, he is caring, he is a lover, not a killer. His friend’s soulmate’s sacrifice is the catalyst for him believing that all these things are true. He even takes the step of admitting out loud that he knows he has changed.  He knows that his life is worth living to the fullest and appreciating what he has every day and honoring those they have “lost along the way.”  

To then kill him during a routine hunting trip in which the boys are up against a vampire nest they could take down in their sleep.  What could possibly have been the purpose for that?  To show that once they were no longer God’s little play toys their lives were expendable?  WHY?

Dean, arguably the greatest hunter in the SPN universe, was taken out by a fucking rusty piece of rebar, and instead of trying to call for help and get the man to a hospital (not sure it would have helped) he has his final monologue, the one he has been due for the latter half all of Season 15.  He died scared, in pain, and sad.

Dean goes to heaven, and its not the heaven we have been told of in the past where you are living in your memories.  Its truly life after death and its wonderful. He meets Bobby again and told that various people in Dean’s and Bobby’s life are close by.  His parents live down the road.  His father, who was never confirmed to be but was most likely an abusive bastard, lives just down the road with his mother.  Wonderful. (WTF?) He gets confirmation that Cas is out of the empty and he smiles, nothing more.  He sees baby and goes for a drive, not to find Cas and thank him for his ultimate sacrifice, but to just drive.  I like this part because we see a happy, content Dean, and we finally get to hear Kansas’s “Carry on Wayward Son” (DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF THE ROAD SO FAR AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE). I just wish Dean’s path to heaven had been a little easier on him.

Dean deserved better.

Castiel, the selfless angel who just wanted to find purpose in his life and ultimately found it in death. He dies never being told that he is loved, after countless times of professing his love to his found family. The angel who sacrificed himself to the Empty, a horrible place of unspeakable torture, to protect the man he loves.  A man who, mere days later (in my mind anyway), arrives in heaven after being killed in a gruesome accident, rather than fulfilling his destiny that Cas fought so hard to protect.  Some sacrifice. It turns out that Cas is saved by the Empty from Jack, but we don’t get to see his joyful reunion with Dean, the man he loves.  

Cas deserved better.

Sam is left to live this life without his brother, and potentially the love of his life because the writers couldn’t be bothered to confirm Eileen’s re-existence after Chuck’s rapture.  He has a family, and he grows old (mind you with REALLY bad makeup in a show that is known for their incredible makeup/special effects departments).

He seems to be happy, but you can tell something is missing.  We come to see that he raised his son to be a hunter.  He raised his son in a life that, at the outset of this show, he was desperate to get out of and live a normal life.  Perhaps he no longer believes that anyone can live a normal life knowing what is out there. *EDIT* Looking back I don’t believe he raised his son to be a hunter, just gave him the tattoo in case.

He names his son Dean, because of course he does. He has a wife who we see from a distance and is never given the clarity if it is Eileen or not.  He finally dies after what looks like a slow and painful illness and is sent to heaven.

In heaven he meets up with Dean.  This was lovely.  The two of them meeting again after so long, for Sam, that is. Dean only had to seemingly wait for a few hours.

Sam deserved better.

For a show that had the potential to go out on a historically significant high, this is disappointing, to say the least.  The story had the potential to end with 2 brothers who have sacrificed so much and saved so many people, find a happy ending.  Not only that but find a happy ending with a deaf partner and a gay angel. If that isn’t breaking barriers and bending norms, I don’t know what is.  I really would like to know what prevented this from happening.  Be it the CW from restricting them or maybe the absolute lack of originality from the writers, I am curious as to their reasoning. Maybe it was COVID.  Maybe because they couldn’t have those two actors physically on set due to protocols, they didn’t want to shortchange them by having them appear otherwise: disembodied voice, phone call (DONT TOUCH ME) or even a flashback… hell STOCK FOOTAGE! I don’t know and I clearly can’t imagine the reason.

I realize that there is nothing that can be done about this episode now and that accepting it and moving on is really the only way forward.  But the legacy this show has left, and its lasting impact on me and my life, cannot be ignored.  I was looking forward to indulging in past episodes of this show for the rest of my life. It is going to be a long time before I can watch an episode without anger and resentment towards what I know to be their eventual end.  That, to me, is unforgiveable.  

I don’t expect anyone to actually read this because I do not have any followers. I have never blogged in my entire life and was only recently introduced to the online fandom, but I needed to write this.  I needed to share the impact that this episode had on me.  I do hope that it does reach those in the fandom that may have similar feelings and are able to use my words to help express how they are feeling.  We can move on, and we will move on, but we need to do it together.

I know that there are people who, if they read this, would shake their head in disbelief that I became so emotionally invested in this show that watching a bad ending would take such a toll on my mental health.  

To them I say, imagine this… The Pittsburgh Steelers (my favorite team, they can imagine their own) have an incredible season.  A season where they saw a myriad of highs and lows. Veteran players making incredible comebacks, rookie players coming in to their own.  Season ending injuries that lead to the next man stepping up and contributing in ways they weren’t sure possible.  Now imagine they make it to the Superbowl and after 3 tough quarters, in which they played their best, getting better with each quarter, they lose it in the final minutes.  All that blood, sweat, and tears for nothing.  Now imagine that was their last season and the Pittsburgh Steelers are no longer an NFL team.  They are done.  No “we’ll get ‘em next season.”  No “it’s just a game and there is always another one”.  Just done.  Their entire franchise, for a brief moment in time, reduced to those final minutes where they failed to win.  Devastating. Of course, in the long run that is not what they will be remembered for.  I mean, after all, they have won 6 Lombardi trophies, and no one is taking that away from them.  But the sting will remain for a while. *EDIT* This was as close to prophecy as I will ever get, the Steelers did all of the above until the playoffs, but THANK GOD, there will be another season.

If I can’t make you understand with a sports metaphor than I will never make you understand.  

I love this show and this loss is devastating.  I do hope that it is remembered for more than their last-minute loss.  I hope it is remembered for the joy and acceptance that their fandom felt with each episode, for the laugher on set and the gag reels. I hope it is remembered for the individual players who gave it their all. I know it will be, but for me personally, this sting is going to last for a while.  

[bxoken-heartss]

Put a Little Love On Me: C.V Part 2

(Y/N): Your name

(Y/E/C): Your Eye Color

(Y/L/N): Your Last Name

' ' ': Switch of scenes

~ ~ ~ : Line by Line Lyrics scenario ending.

// //: Lyrics

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, drinking mentions etc etc

Pairings: Christopher Velez x Reader

Words: 5600 +

Part 1: HERE.

A/N: I know it’s been LIKE 7 years approximately since i typed down the first part. But, I’ve had online classes and crappy assignments..But! HERE IT IS! And once again...I’m SORRY! But I hope you ENJOY! :)

Honorable Mentions: @wwecncowhydontwetrash @calypsocnco​ @cnco-hoenesty​ @papichriscnco​ @richardscurls​ @h-bea92​ @zabdielmuch​

//We wrote and we wrote till there were no more words

We laughed and we cried until we saw our worsts//

Chris sat down in front of his desk in his room, his heart heavy and burdened, yet a weird sort of  emptiness filling his heart. He spoke nothing as he heard his heart slowly beating..each beat filled with an aura of pain at an in-rhythmically ugly pace.

He felt horrible...He just wanted to escape from this ugly unwanted reality..Writing music was his way of temporary escape from reality..a temporary refuge when things went downhill..

After a heavy workout and a hot relaxing shower, he sat down to write something onto his journal..

He carelessly opened the journal, flipping through the pages slowly as he reached a fresh new page, a fountain pen in his hand as he sat and thought about what he could write about to relieve or rather ease the stress and anxiety building up in him..

He wanted to write something..he really wanted to..but a wave of hopelessness washed over him as he had written a few "Love" related lyrics..

They sounded fake...forced..ingenuity lacing its lyrics..He tried again..but he just couldn't...for she was the only thing that bounced back into his mind..

She was the melody...the inspiration behind all his lyrics..but she wasn't his anymore..

The thought of her in between someone's arms..her new man kissing her..holding her close to him..

The thought of her being happier with someone else who wasn't him hurted him more than he could admit..but a part of him also happy now at least someone would treat her the way she deserved to be treated..

Christopher tried to clear his head..No! He didn't need her! He could obviously move on the way she did..She moved on..rather too quickly..at least that's what the media and all the tabloids said...

He began to write again but there were just no more words to write.. Just mere emptiness and silence fills the air..

The page was empty and dull just like his heart..

                                              ~ ~ ~

Y/N couldn't pinpoint on a single moment where she was the happiest with Chris..Every single moment gave her weird yet such long lasting memories.

"GUYS I'M BORED!" Y/N yells as she walks into the boys' studio

"Hi bored...I'm Erick! Nice to meet you! How are you doing today?" Erick asks beaming at her

"Ha ha ha! Very funny pretty eyes..." Y/N replies as she rolls her eyes and claps her hands sarcastically

"Oh come on! That was a good one! Right guys??" Erick asks as he hopefully looks at the boys

"I'm not going to respond to that." Richard comments as he lazily lays on the couch

"Are you done with recording for today?" Joel asks as he sits next to her slinging an arm around her missing the look of jealousy that had stayed hidden inside Christopher's brown orbs

"Yeah...Had a quick meet and greet and did a bit of recording! I'm done for the day! What about you guys?"

"Recording is still left...and we'll probably have a quick Twitter session or something..probably" Joel comments as he looks at her

"So none of you are free??" Y/N asks

"Shawty...as much as I'd love to spend the day I've still got parts to record!" Richard says

"I'm done for the day!" Zabdiel says as he suppresses a yawn

"Zab...Come with me we can go and have fun!!" Y/N pleaded

"Nope mi amor... I'm going to sleep." Zabdiel says as he lays down on the couch

"Chris! Ah! My favorite boy! My darling!" Y/N says as her eyes brighten up

"Hola Hermosa..." Chris comments as he sits next to her

"Chris honey...come on let's have a day out together!" She says

"Couldn't resist me even for a day huh nena?" Chris asks, obviously flirting

"Of course..I couldn't resist your face.. You are so insanely good looking..how could I?" Y/N replies, flirting back ignoring the way how quick her heart thumped against her chest

Y/N began talking to him about the most random things and every time she did Chris interrupted her...He knew it always made her pissed..It was something he always did...but he couldn't resist! She was absolutely ADORABLE when she got mad..

"And then I --" Y/N begins as Chris cracks another uncalled joke in Spanish as Erick laughs to it as he engages in a conversation with Joel.

"CHRISTOPHER BRYANT VÈLEZ I SWEAR TO GOD THAT I WILL CHOKE YOU UNTIL YOU DIE IN MY HANDS!" Y/N yells

"I'd rather be choking you Mami.." Chris replies as he smirks at her as her face flushes into a dark shade of pink

"Gawd..Can't y'all just date already? There's so much sexual tension between you two...Like get laid already and date!" Richard comments rolling his eyes, Erick furiously nodding

"Well..Err..." Chris begins as he nervously laughs

"YASHEL shut up before I kill you!" Y/N warns

"He's got a point...I mean you guys flirt so often that we'd feel weird if you both didn't date.." Joel says

"No! Joel not you too!! Zab...Your friends are being mean to me!!" Y/N complains

"Too late.. he's already asleep.." Joel says as she looks at a sleeping Zabdiel

"You guys are just being dumb.." Y/N comments

"We're being honest..you label it as dumb.." Erick counters earning a eyeroll from Y/N

"Whatever guys...Chris! Are you free? Please tell me you are!" Y/N asks

"Well...My recording for the day is done so I guess?" Chris answers

"Please...let's just go somewhere! I'm so tired of merely sitting around in my studio for hours...a small break would be good right?!" Y/N asks him hopefully

"Yeah I guess.." Chris replies as he rubs his neck awkwardly

"Are you sure you wanna go? You seem dis- interested..." She asks him

"No no... Absolutely not Hermosa.. I'm absolutely ready..Just let me get a hoodie and some shades and inform Ali about it then I'll be all good to go!" Chris comments as he walks away

"So did you finally manage to get him go on a date with you?" Joel asks as he  looks at before heading towards the recording room

"Joel we are just hanging out cause he was free...nothing more nothing less." She replies rolling her eyes

"Okay I was just inquiring.." he says exiting the situation

"Oh...you mean one out of your many dates!" Erick says as his eyes gleam with adoration

"Could you just shut up for once Erick?! I told you we're - -" She begins

"Yeah, just friends...I get it..When are you going to realize that you just perfect for each other and just- -" Erick begins as Chris enters the room

"I'm ready Hermosa...Can we leave?" Chris asks interrupting Erick

"Okay sure..If my best friend wakes up by any chance and ever questions about my existence, just inform him that I had gone out with Chris.." Y/N tells Erick as she walks over to Chris

"Will do! Now go already and enjoy the day!" Erick replies as he pushes her onto Chris' arms

They exited the studio as paparazzis surrounded them, their security quickly making way for them as they quickly slid into her car.

"Where do you want to go Miss. (Y/L/N) ?" Y/N's driver, Henry asks (change his name if you don't like the name)

"Well to that less crowded carnival round the corner...And ask the others to stay away..We are heavily disguised so it won't be much of a problem." Y/N comments

"Are you sure Ma'am..I've been given strict - -" he begins

"I'll take the blame in case anything goes wrong trust me!" Y/N reassures as she put on a heavy coat to cover her disguise as Chris helped her with it.

"Thanks Chris..." Y/N says as she shoots him a grateful smile

"Of course Mi Amol..." Chris comments as he returns the gesture.

                                                 ' ' '

"Aren't you excited CHRIS?!?" Y/N asks as she looks at Chris whose eyes beam with happiness

"OF COURSE!!!" Chris yells excited as he looks at her excitedly

"Then let's g- -" She says but interrupted halfway as Chris grabs her arm and pulls her into the crowd

                                                 ' ' '

Time had gone so quick that Y/N almost thought her eyes were playing tricks with her when she saw the sun setting.

They had almost finished off all the attractions in the carnival..All the while Chris was just busy taking numerous pictures and videos of her, her giggling and laughing all the while.

"Hermosa...Look at that! I want that!!" He says as he points at a huge teddy bear in a stall.

"Aren't all these enough?" Y/N as she points at the bag of goodies and all those little toys Chris had gotten

"Nope...just one more...besides who doesn't like teddy bears?" He asks

"True but are you sure you want- " Y/N begins

"Hello? Yes...Yeah three soft balls? Cool enough!" Chris speaks as the person on the stall hands him over three soft balls

All he had to do was aim and get the soft ball into the basket that was next to teddy bear.

"Now watch me Hermosa..How I get that teddy in one throw!" Chris flaunts as he begins to aim for it. "But wait..Before that, I think you should kiss my knuckles.." He says finishing off

"And why's that necessary Chris?" Y/N asks her tone filled with sass

"Err..You know...for good luck! You technically just make people around you happy...so I figured that you would have some sort of good luck within you..So I thou- -" He begins

"I understand Chris...You don't need to explain..I was just messing with ya!" Y/N interrupts him as she holds his knuckles and presses a kiss onto his knuckles eliciting a soft blush from Christopher.

She quickly ignored the way her cheeks heated up as she gives him a shy smile, Chris slowly returning her the gesture.

"Go on Chris...try again..Let's hope it works!" Y/N comments as she looks at him

"Yeah okay!" Chris says, the soft ball falling inside a basket that stood next to a stuffed elephant.

"LOOK CHRIS! Elephants are cool too!" Y/N beams at him

"So boy do you want this or do you want to try again?" The stall keeper asks him

"Another try please.." Chris answers disappointed

"Chris you don't need to win the teddy bear specifically..it's  -" She begins

"Just wait Hermosa...This time I'll get it in!" Chris says as he held the last soft ball.

Y/N holds Chris' knuckles as she pressed a soft kiss onto them, Chris' knuckles still laying lovingly in her palms. Chris smiles to himself softly not wanting to retreat his knuckles from her touch

"Err..Chris?" She says, gaining his attention.

"Yeah sorry! I was- -" Chris begins

"Come on Velèz! I know you can do this!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!" Y/N cheered

Chris nodded his eyes gleaming with determination...He took a few breathes and threw the ball again and bam! It went inside the basket next to the teddy bear he had wanted.

"YESSS!! YOU GOT THAT IN!! CONGRATULATIONS CHRIS!!" Y/N cheers as she hugs him, as he wrapped his arms around her and enjoyed her embrace.

The stall keeper handed the teddy bear to Chris who instantly took it after thanking him.

"I wouldn't have won it without your good luck.." Chris comments

"Nonsense! Your aim was perfect! That's why you got it!" Y/N replies smiling at him

Chris took a hold of the other things in Y/N's hands as he handed her the teddy bear.

"It's yours now.." He says as he looks at her

"But you won it...and you wanted it!" Y/N replies

"No..I knew how much you loved teddy bears and considering the fact that you were my good luck charm..I think you deserve this" Chris says

Y/N blushed softly..He paid attention to every little thing accidentally slipped out of her mouth.

How she wished you had the guts to tell him how she really felt. She stood on her toes as she pressed a kiss on his cheeks.

"Thank you.." She whispers as Chris looks away blushing as he nodded slowly

                                           ~ ~ ~

Every little moment with Christopher was filled laughter and joy..Barely was there were moments she had seen Christopher wasn't happy...That night was probably the first time she had seen him..sad and broken..

It had happened on unfortunate midnight...Y/N had a sleepover with Zabdiel and the rest of the boys at their place after a very tiresome movie night..Everyone retired to their rooms at midnight as it had started off from 10 in the morning that previous day...

Y/N had obviously chose to share a bed with Zabdiel because the guest room was too messy and she was downright exhausted to clean it up...And Zabdiel had always loved cuddling onto her tiny petite figure ever since they had sleepovers from back when they were friends..

She had woken up the 2:00 a.m or so as she felt thirsty. She sat up, carefully removing Zabdiel's arms off her as she practically forced her drowsy self off her bed as she sleepily walked outside the room and towards the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water and drowned it down her throat quickly quenching her thirst...

She walked upstairs and was about to enter Zabdiel's room when she saw dim lights flashing inside Christopher's room, beams of light radiating from the half closed door. She raised her eyebrows and walked towards his room.

'Was he that exhausted that he didn't have that much of the energy to switch off his bedroom light?' She thought as she slowly enters his room without causing any noises.

She looked around the room but Christopher wasn't on his bed...His bed was neatly folded and didn't seem crumbled at all...Hadn't he slept at all? She looked around and was about to call out his name when she hears muffled yet heavy sobs.

She looked around the room again as worry cascaded her face..She heard the sobs again as she walked towards the source...The sobs growing comparatively louder each time she took a step closer in a quiet pace.

She slowly opened the bathroom door as her eyes widens in shock as a teary eyed Christopher stood in front of the mirror..Her eyes scanned him as she noticed a blade in his hand, her eyes widening in shock as he reflects the same and tries to hide the blade.

She angrily storms upto him as she looks at him with pure hate..She picks up the blade and throws it out the window from the window located inside the tiny bathroom..She then walks upto him as she grabs both his arms, inspecting it. A soft scar was imprinted on his arm.

"I'm- -" Christopher begins

"JUST WHY? WHY CHRIS??" She asks, her tone filled with hate and pain at the same time as she quickly patched up the scar

"It's nothing.." He trails off as he looks away

"Well it has to be something CONSIDERING the fact that you were try to kill yourself!!" Y/N yells

"Please...JUST..Just leave! I don't want you to see- -" Chris says trailing off

"Why...Just why would you do this Chris?" Y/N asks, her eyes brimming with tears

"Why would you care?"  He asks her as he looks at her, his chocolate brown orbs instantly losing all the warmth it had ever possessed.

"CHRIS! Why wouldn't I- - I obviously do! Chris- -why would you ever - -" She begins

"I can't take this anymore...It's hard and sad..being HATED by millions..Feeling unwanted... talent-less..undeserving.." Chris interrupts her halfway as he looks down

"Says who Chris?" Y/N questions

"Who doesn't? Everyone hates me..I- -I can't do anything right..No one's there when I honestly need them..I don't blame them too considering how much I mean to them. So I just thought if no one liked me for who I was..why live?  It won't make a huge difference whether I lived or no- -" Chris begins as a harsh slap interrupts him

Christopher's eyes widen in shock as he lifts his hand covering his cheek as it stung in harshness and pain.

She looked at him, her cheeks flushed with sad and angry tears as she glared at Christopher

"How- -How could you?!? Do you even REALIZE what would have happened if you..." She begins but gets interrupted by her tears and her shortened breaths

"I'd never forgive myself Chris! I love you too much! How could you even think about this?!?"She finishes off

Christopher's eyes widened as those words processed in his head but cut short when she pulls him into a hug. His tears fell softly as he shivered slightly

"I'm scared...Please..help me..Just don't leave.." Chris stutters

Y/N said nothing but held his cheeks with her hands and pressed a passionate kiss on his forehead and the cheek where she had slapped him.

A simple gesture...which meant something to both of them deep down inside...yet they thought the other didn't feel the same and pushed it into the back of their heads.

"I'm right here Chris...I'm not going anywhere..I'll always be there for you.." She says as he listens to her beating heart.

                                                   ~ ~ ~

//Is it wrong that I still wonder where you are?

Is it wrong that I still don't know my heart//

"C- - CCa- -a- -n I h- -have ano- -ther o- -on - one lad?" Y/N asks, her eyes glossy as she slurs off

"Miss...you've already had an unhealthy dosage of - -" The bartender begins

"I'M A LEGAL ADULT! I'M PAYING YOU FOR THE DRINKS! WHAT'S YOUR FXCKING PROBLEM?!?"  She screams at him as she interrupts him

"But Miss..." He begins

"I SAID GET ME ANOTHER ONE!" She shouts over the blaring music

The bartender reluctantly poured out another drink onto her now empty glass...

Y/N looked around as the place blasted off with various songs she could barely recognize. She glared at everyone and everything as she smoothly half emptied the glass of drink.

She gazed around the room to find couples dancing..couple talking..couples kissing.. and making out in their drunk state, but they had one thing in common..They were all happily in love..

She cringed at the word love..she was absolutely disgusted with the feeling.. She absolutely hated it...But deep down inside...she knew she was lying..somewhere down there..

But a part of her sad..and selfish..Why couldn't she have a happy life? Why was it always her that suffered? What had she done to deserve something like this? Why did it have to be her?

She laid her head down in the wooden table in front of her..She softly wiped away the mindless tears that had managed to slip through her eyes, her sobs as soft as mere whispers..

What sort of a therapy was this? Drinking away so as to ease the pain? She knew how unhealthy this was..but yet here she was..doing the same..

Everyone likes things that aren't good for them..or wish for things they could have..

Finding a coping mechanism trying to escape the painfully true reality...Her thoughts wandered around freely and yet again..it all returned to that one person...Christopher...

Was it wrong that somewhere in her heart she still secretly yearned for his presence next to her??

He must have probably moved on...Enjoying his life with those one night stands and hookups..or maybe even better..a steady girlfriend capable of making him feel loved and deserved...just the way like she used to make him feel once upon a time..

She felt her heart beating..Was it even alive after the amount of unspoken pain she was going through? Was it even hers in the first place? The beats were soulless and un-melodious.. What was happening to her heart? Where was the beauty and happiness in it?

Was it wrong she didn't want to move on and put aside her never seeming to disappear feelings apart and grow up?

                                                ~ ~ ~

//Are you all dressed up but with nowhere to go

Are your tears falling down when the lights are low?

Another Friday night tryna put on a show

Do you hate the weekend cause nobody's calling?//

She found herself heading towards her closet as she threw on a fancy t-shirt and a pair of denim jeans as she stopped herself midway..

Weekend nights were always date nights with him...Despite however busy they turned out...they'd manage to spend quality time together..at weird yet wonderful places..

'Y/N get a bloody grip of yourself!'  She mentally warned herself.

She changed back into her pajamas as she sat on her bed, her frame leaning towards the headboard of the bedroom.

Her work for the day was done...She had informed her manager, Charles that she was absolutely exhausted and couldn't manage working any longer that day..

She was tired...absolutely tired mentally..Bottling up her feelings were hard..

Zabdiel had come over to her place every single day and texted her every single hour of the day he could to help her...Just so she could talk it out..

But she just didn't talk anything..She talked about daily routines and anything and everything apart from Chris.

Usually after any break up she had, she would talk things out and cry it out to Zabdiel and he'd console her. But this time...she just couldn't and didn't want to be consoled..as if she wanted to keep cry and keep hurting herself..because deep down inside she still wants him beside her.

But what was she supposed to talk about when she herself didn't know how she felt? How could she explain him a feeling she herself couldn't understand?

She hates crying..Hated crying around anyone..So when the day changes into night and when the world or the city was asleep...she used it as an opportunity to let down her guard down and let the tears fall down freely...

She cried and cried till her heart ached with the familiar hidden pain striking hard with every real tear that slipped down her cheeks.

Weekends were always associated with beautiful memories ever since Chris had been a part of her life..now all that filled her weekends were just tiresome, painful tears and put down her daily facade.

                                           ~ ~ ~

//I've still got so much love hidden beneath this skin//

Oh how she hates feeling like this.. But the heart want what it wants.. and that was the feeling of being whole again..and no one was capable of doing so apart from..him...no matter how much ever she tried to deny it..

//Will someone put a little love on me

Put a little love on me//

She felt miserable...Absolutely annoyed, frustrated, stressed and all the negative emotions she had ever experienced in her lifetime washes all over her..all it once..the pain intensifying as every little wasted, endless, lifeless tear washes down her cheeks for the millionth time in the same minute..as she aggressively wipes them off, her cheeks burning and her arms sore from wiping away the still falling tears

Her sobs suppressed yet her heart screamed and ached in pain which mere words could never explain..

//When the lights come up and there's no shadows dancing

I look around as my heart is collapsing

'Cause you're the only one I need

To put a little love on me//

Drinking so as to forget..more like to ease the pain..wasn't a solution. Y/N came home drunk at irregular times mostly drunk at the dawn of every morning. An extremely unhealthy coping mechanism but that was her escape from the real world...

She needed to get back to get back to work..so she tried to relax and calm herself down...she couldn't crawl into a corner and mop about someone who never loved her in the first place..

Taking early morning walks, calm and relaxing music blasting in both her ears as she jogged around a very less crowded park with some shades and a hoodie to mask her identity seemed like a temporary refuge..

She sat down on the bench after 5-6 rounds of her quick walks.

She wiped off her sweat with a towel she had carried in her mini bag as she quickly emptied a bottle of water down her throat.

She leaned behind as she lazily stared at the people who walked by... And all she could see was couples..Old age married happy couples...Middle aged couples with their children.. Just couples in general!

Was it Valentine's Day already? or was she seeing what her heart truly yearned for as she had pictured Chris and her holding hands and walking together...whilst they were dating.

The times they spent together were too good and precious to be forgotten.

Her heart felt like she couldn't take it any longer..she felt her heart shattering slowly but heavily..She bit her lip softly suppressing her pain for the millionth time in the past two months.

The insecurity and longing for him hitting her harder every single time.

                                                ~ ~ ~

//Last night I lay awake

Stuck on the things we say

And when I close my eyes the first

thing I hear you say is

Put a little love on me

Put a little love//

Falling asleep was almost impossible.. He was already a soft sleeper so he most definitely wouldn't be able to sleep with a heavy head and an empty heart.

Christopher changed into some comfortable outfit as he came out the bathroom freshened up...

He turned off the lights..all apart from the lamp that stood on the night stand. Christopher laid down as he draped the blanket around himself, as he forcefully shut his eyes to gain some well deserved sleep.

But how could he when he was in so much pain he himself couldn't understand the reason for?

His eyes snapped open as he laid down in his bed..he stared at the blank ceiling..

He felt so deprived...Deprived in all ways..physically, mentally and emotionally..He was always frustrated, annoyed and always snappy.

He never intended to damage or yell at everyone but...he was just confused and didn't understand what in the bloody world was he feeling?!?

His heart and mind still was stuck on her...and everything she said...And in a flash he remembers all the beautiful memories she and him had shared together...

"Nena smile!" Chris screams as he clicks another Polaroid as she lets out a surprised yell

"Chris..I wasn't ready!" She pouts sadly

"But mi Amol...You always look beautiful..." Chris says as he wraps his arms around her waist

"Chris you are so cheesy!!" She giggles as he picks her up kissing her nose

"But you love me right?" Chris asks laughing

"Of course you dork!" She says as he kisses her

                                         ~ ~ ~

//When the lights come up we're the

only ones dancing//

Y/N absolutely loved dancing.. She'd use any opportunity she could get, she'd drag one of the boys and dance along with them.

Any random song would play and she'd start dancing slowly..urging one of the boys to join...

Richard would volunteer to but Christopher would instantly rush upto her and awkwardly dance next to her.

Her face would instantly brighten up and they'd dance until their feets would give in...They even had an adorable "couple-ish" dance they had devised together.

After they began dating they had begun this sort of unspoken tradition i.e whenever one of them felt sad and didn't want to talk about it..the other would play soft, calm and a sad melody and slowly walk up to the other person and softly begin dancing with them...

"You ready to talk now honey?" Y/N asks as he comfortably rests his head on the crook of her neck as they moved together in sync

"No..not yet..I..I..I jus- -" He begins

"I understand..." She replies interrupting him as his arms wrap securely around her waist "I'm here for you.." She breathes out, Chris's heart clenching at her reassurance as they slowly danced in the silence

Even whether the days were the best or the worst...whether they were the last two people in the world..whether the world hated them..at the end of the day what only mattered was that nothing or no one could change the fact that they were immensely in love with each other, completed each other, accepted and understood each others' flaws and loving them even more...

                                               ~ ~ ~

//I look around and you're standing there asking...//

Chris has had enough! Enough of this endless denial. Enough of being in this confused traumatic state he was undergoing right now.

He just couldn't do this anymore..He just likes her so damn much. Her absence was almost driving him insane. As if, he can't live without her.

He misses sleeping and cuddling along with her..his strong arms wrapping around her petite figure as their breathing synced...

The stolen kisses before any stage performances, random make outs in the middle of nowhere, passionate kisses and just soft pecks..Christopher cherished and wished for all of it back again..all only from her..and her alone...no one else apart from her!

He just wants her beside him..right now..tomorrow and just..forever. He was tired..tired of wasting tears and the unexplained heaviness and yet ironically empty feeling in his heart.

For the first time...He admits. He admits that it was him who was wrong in this relationship.

Admits it was his fault he didn't make her stay. Admits that he was just scared to lose her because she was too precious, amazing and only deserved the best..and he just felt..he wasn't good enough for her.

What if he was good enough for her all the while long? What if he was oblivious to the fact that maybe somewhere after all...Maybe all this while all she wanted was him?

He lied. He lied that he didn't care and it didn't tear him apart to see or rather just merely imagine her in someone's arms...Someone who wasn't him..

Nobody...no one else could compare to how he felt around her..He could never feel whole again without her by his side...his Y/N...She was his all the time..it sounded cheesy and haywire cringy but he didn't care cause that was all he needed was her...

Because at the end of the day he LOVED her...His eyes almost widened at his own shocking confession.

He never thought he'd ever be capable of feeling..not a romanticized sort of feeling...He never thought he could love someone like this..

His eyes swelled up with tears..yet again..for the first time today..honest and non stop tears.

Christopher choked on his own tears as they carelessly fell down as if endless..the ache in his heart worsening with every harsh sob..only this time..they weren't suppressed. He let it out...all of it out..he couldn't bottle up his pain any second longer!

She wasn't coming back...She just wasn't...and there was nothing he could do about it...no tears could bring her back...she was just gone.

"Chris..." he heard a voice barely above a whisper

God...he was going insane...second by second...He was hallucinating. He could almost hear her melodious voice..the way his name slipped out of her tongue..But why couldn't he believe it? Maybe because it wasn't practical enough..something so artificial yet felt real at the same time.

His vision was blurry as he let out painful tears as his breath shorten with every harsh sob...

And all of a sudden, he feels something physical...rather someone hugging him...

"Erick...not now...please leave.." He says, his tone desperate.

"It's not Erick..Wonder Boy..it's me.." the presence replies

Christopher's eyes widened. No one ever called him that except..

He instantly opens his eyes..Brown orbs met (y/e/c). The same orbs he had fallen in love with.. rather the same ones he was still in love with..

"Y/N- -?" Chris asks stuttering in disbelief

Y/N looks at him as her lips curl into a sad grin which was a mixture of all the sadness within her, Her face bearing a heavy, sad emotion...so vulnerable and broken yet she tries to stay strong

"Yes...I know you don't- -" Y/N begins but interrupted as Chris crushed her into a bone breaking hug

"I'm- -I'm sorry babygirl..I really am... It's all my fault...I can afford to live with the fact that I'd never ever sleep with you like that...or not being able to kiss you whenever I need you..but I just need you in my life..as a friend at least...I need you in my life somehow!"  Chris stutters as tears fall down

"Chris... I'm sorry too.. It's- -" She begins as Christopher silences her clinging onto her

They didn't need words...nor any sort of explanation or apologies..They sob quietly in each others arms.. but this time the tears are happy. Just each others' mere presence was all they needed.

"J- -just don't- -Just don't leave me..please...Y/N..." He sobbed as he held her close afraid that if he let her go once more.. she'd disappear forever from his life..

He still had so much love hidden beneath him...and he wanted to shower all of it onto her..and her only.

After a while of mere sobs filling the air she pulls away slowly from the hug as she gazed into his eyes, him mirroring her actions. His eyes held so much love within it...and it was all for her..

"You're the only one I need.." Chris says, never looking away from her beautiful orbs

"Put a little love on me"  She replies

"You're the only one I need.." Chris says again, his tone certain yet shattered

"So put your love on..me" She breathes out as she places her lips on his with nothing but her undying love and passion she forever held for him.

[buckybarnesbingo]

As part of our Discord party, we took song recs!  Here are some excellent, Bucky-flavored tunes!

My Body Is a Cage - Arcade Fire  (@blurockets)

Control - Halsey  (@writing-mermaid)

Summer Rain - Belinda Carlisle  (@fightingforcreativity)

This song just screams Bucky's story before the whole hydra thing to me. he was happy, struggling with life but happy with his friend/love had plenty fun and survived. Then he is send out and he's still saying he'll be back but he doesn’t want to go. and he never came back in the end. Because the person coming back after is not Bucky from before anymore.

Behind Blue Eyes - The Who  (@polizwrites)

Take Me Home - Ryan Dolan  (LiquidLightz)

We Three (My Echo My Shadow And Me) - The Inkspots  (@blurockets)

An Oldie that you could go into thoughts of identity and how there are sort of three facets to Bucky. The Echo prewar and maybe during war, my shadow ws and Me and it's also just pretty.

In Chains - Shaman's Harvest  (@menatiera​)

Whole Again - Granian  (@27dragons)

This song is about recovering from trauma (and the pressure that well-meaning friends can put on you to recover faster without really helping, or maybe that's just my interpretation).

More under the cut!

In Case You Don't Live Forever - Ben Platt  (@aoifelaufeyson​)

The Becoming - Nine Inch Nails  (@blurockets)

It's part of the Downward Spiral and that whole Nine Inch Nails is a concept album following a guy that falls into a spiral of drugs and things that culminate into a breakdown and well death

Stand By You - Rachel Platten  (@writing-mermaid)

Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star  (@rebelmeg)

The whole song has strong post-Cap2 vibes.  But there’s one particular part that talks about Montauk in the winter, that makes me think of freshly un-Hydra’d Bucky visiting one of the beaches in NY that he remembers being at with Steve when they were kids, struggling to catch more wisps of memory while he stands there on the shore.

New York - Snow Patrol  (LiquidLightz)

Stucky feels... Bucky thinking of Steve

Older - Ben Platt  (@aoifelaufeyson​)

We'll Meet Again - Vera Lynn (@rebelmeg)

Another one with Bucky remembering, haunted by a song he knows he’s heard before, and all kinds of faces and voices in his mind that he can’t quite place.

I Am Machine - Three Days Grace  (@pherryt)

Kill Our Way To Heaven - Michl  (@tisfan)

Nightmare - Set It Off  (@menatiera​)

This another Bucky & Winter, just the angsty version where Bucky is terrified of his "monster" self and would very much like to run away from it but can't

Demons - Imagine Dragons  (LiquidLightz)

Through The Long Night - Billy Joel  (@polizwrites)

This has major Stucky feels for me

Lost n Paradise - Evanescence  (@lbibliophile-mcu​)

I Know Places - Taylor Swift  (@writing-mermaid)

Clearly it's about people trying to runaway from people that are chasing them. I started to write a story inspired by that song

Bad Guy - Billie Eilish  (@aoifelaufeyson​)

Hey You - Pink Floyd  (@blurockets)

Imagine like a weird hallucinatory sequence that ends with Bucky being thrown into cryo

Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive  (@phoenixgryphon)

well you can tell by the way I use my walk i'm a hydra man no time to talk

Breathe Me In - Jared and the Mill  (@pherryt)

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd  (@polizwrites)

Pink Floyd song that gives me Bucky/Stucky feels

Cat People - David Bowie  (@phoenixgryphon)

See these tears so blue / An ageless heart that can never mend / These tears can never dry / A judgment made can never bend / See these eyes so red / Red like jungle burning bright / Those who feel me near / Pull the blinds and change their minds

In the Mood - Glenn Miller  (@phoenixgryphon​)

The Sun Will Rise - Kelly Clarkson  (@writing-mermaid)

She's my favorite singer and I wrote a story based on that song, I think this is a pretty optimist song that shows that even if something bad happened, the next day can be brighter and the light will chase the darkness.

Talk Dirty To Me - Jason Derulo ft. 2 Chainz  (@aoifelaufeyson​)

Coming Back to You  -  Jennifer Warnes via Leonard Cohen  (@polizwrites)

My first Stucky fic (Another Mile of Silence) was based on this song

Slip - Elliot Moss  (@blurockets)

The Unforgiven - Blakwall  (@psychiccatpanda​)

Bucky Nat where they are so close to something good but because of the nature of their wonky memories it doesn't quite happen.

A Monster Like Me - Mørland & Debrah Scarlett  (@writing-mermaid)

Another song that inspired me for a story. It's about someone that made horrible things when he was younger, telling his love one to go away because he's a monster.

Coney Island - Antje Duvekot  (LiquidLightz)

preWar Bucky, Stucky feels

Dancing Queen - Abba  (@phoenixgryphon​)

Sleeping Sickness - City and Colour  (@blurockets)

Post WS Stucky Especially with that movies theme of things breaking down.

I've become / A simple souvenir of someone's kill / And like the sea / I'm constantly changing from calm to ill / Madness fills my heart and soul as if the great divide could swallow me whole / oh how I'm breaking down

Song of Bernadette - Leonard Cohen, cover by Jennifer Warnes  (@polizwrites) 

a WinterIron song for me — tho I ended up using a line from it for a   Tony/Bruce fic.

Sugar, Sugar - The Archies  (@phoenixgryphon​)

Believer - Imagine Dragons  (LiquidLightz)

recovering WS Bucky

Dark Side - Kelly Clarkson  (@writing-mermaid)

When We Were Young - Adele  (LiquidLightz)

Bucky recovering , Stucky feels

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons  (@writing-mermaid)

Nightmare - Set It Off  (@menatiera​)

This another Bucky & Winter, just the angsty version where Bucky is terrified of his "monster" self and would very much like to run away from it but can't

The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy  (LiquidLightz)

angry anti-Hydra WS Bucky

Animal - The Cab  (LiquidLightz)

sexy WS

Dyin' Ain't So Bad - Bonnie and Clyde (Original Broadway Cast Recording)  (@book-dragon-13)

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy - The Andrews Sisters  (@rebelmeg)

This one just screams Bucky!  Especially the part about the Cap going out and grabbing him a band!

Behind Blue Eyes - L'Orchestra Cinematique  (@menatiera)

Firework - Katy Perry  (@phoenixgryphon)

Ghost Story - Charming Disaster  (@blurockets)

stucky imagine an iw war au where after the snap everyone snapped is a dimension off only the slightest bit so it feels like people in a shares space are haunting each other

Lone Digger - Caravan Palace  (@ibelieveinturtles)

Shadow on the Wall - Mike Oldfield  (@fightingforcreativity​)

for over 70 years Bucky has been nothing but a weapon, a toy, a shadow of himself. something like that leaves traces and that sometimes you don't feel like much of anything anymore. So when he starts to remember, starts to have flashes of what he did and he has this one person standing up for him, tearing the world apart for him, he tethers himself to them like their shadow on the wall. Building his own prison, the prison which follows the person helping him whoever that is

A Bad Dream - Keane  (@menatiera​)

Secret - Heart  (@fightingforcreativity​)

this is a winteriron or pre war stucky song for me. Because Bucky no matter which pairing I look at in that situation feels like they can't be out. stucky: because of the homophobia back then 

WinterIron: because they're supposed to be enemies sort of and Tony and Steve are standing at two different sides of the line, the line to which end Bucky had sworn to follow steve

Deliverance - The Mission U.K.  (@ibelieveinturtles​)

Most of what I have for Bucky is specific to fics I'm writing but I think this is a good one too

Red - Nightcore male version, original from Beth Crowley  (@menatiera​)

this is my post-WS angry Bucky to-go song

All Along The Watchtower, Bear McCreary (Battlestar Galactica version)  (@ibelieveinturtles​)

this one is from a dragon!Bucky fic I'm determined to finish one day...

Bring Me To Life - Evanescence  (@psychiccatpanda​ and @lbibliophile-mcu​)

Holding Out For A Hero - Bonnie Tyler  (@ibelieveinturtles​)

Hollow - Icon For Hire  (@fightingforcreativity​)

This is kinda self-explanatory considering that the song is about mental health

Not alone - RED  (@menatiera​)

this is kind of the song I often base my Bucky & Winter relationship to each other, how they worked through hell to keep each other alive and how they relied on each other. Mostly this is Bucky reassuring Winter and keeping him, well, human, by being there for him in his head.

Whisper - Evanescence  @lbibliophile-mcu

Memories - Within Temptation  (@fightingforcreativity​)

A song about memories, keeping ghosts alive and yet not really

On Every Street - Dire Straits  (@dreaminglypeach​)

More Steve looking for Bucky post WS, but still. 

 three cord symphony crashes into space / the moon is hanging upside down / don’t know why it is I’m still on the case / it’s a ravenous town / you still refuse to be traced / seems to me such a waste / and every victory has a taste that’s bittersweet / and it’s your face I’m looking for on every street

Chlorine - Twenty One Pilots  (@aoifelaufeyson​)

It’s My Life - Bon Jovi  (LiquidLightz)

[emybain]

White Rose

I couldn't muster enough energy to edit this, so I apologize in advance for any typos, etc. I thought I was doing okay until the end, and that’s when I started breaking down. This is my second fic that focuses on Georgia Rawles (my eternal queen). I’ve been wanting to write this for a while now, so im also sorry for the angst. just as a warning, there is death and loss of family members/loved ones in this. 

    There were only a handful of people left in the cemetery, all of them chatting quietly amongst themselves. Adrian watched as Kasumi Hasegawa pulled Tamaya Rae into a hug. They were both gripping balled up tissues in their fists, so crumpled that they were beginning to tear. Adrian wondered if they had been clutching the same tissues all day. Probably not, judging from how they both could barely keep it together for more than five minutes at a time. 

    He turned his head back around, slouching in his chair. Immediately, he heard his mom’s voice in his head, telling him to sit up, or else he would get a hunchback like that villain in one of the old movies she had from when she was a kid. But he wasn’t sure if he could muster the strength to sit properly. Not today. 

    Adrian Rawles was only seven years old, and he didn’t know how to deal with loss. Especially this kind of loss. Death was a concept that his mom had never fully explained to him; she usually told him not to worry about things like that. He was scared, confused, and above all, he felt as if something had been dug out of his chest, leaving him hollow inside. Empty.

    When Uncle Hugh had shown up at Adrian’s and his mom’s apartment late one night last week, Adrian hadn’t understood why he was so upset. He had woken Adrian up with unshed tears in his eyes, and told him to grab whatever he might think he need as he went and told Adrian’s babysitter she could go home. Then, Hugh took Adrian and his small bag full of a few toys and a stuffed animal back to his own apartment. Adrian had questioned the whereabouts of his mom repeatedly, and grew frustrated when Hugh didn’t answer him. It wasn’t until they were at his apartment that Hugh finally told him what had happened: his mother was not coming home; she had been killed by an Anarchist.

    “You remember the Anarchists, right, Adrian?” Hugh had asked gently as Adrian stared at the floor of the car. “The bad guys?”

    Adrian had nodded silently. He knew his mother and the rest of his aunts and uncles, the Renegades, were the good guys, and that they fought the villains known as the Anarchists. Hugh continued to tell him how she was on her way to a special mission she was assigned to when it happened, but Adrian barely registered any of it. He remembered how first his fingers went numb, and then gradually, the rest of his body. Mom had told him before she left earlier that night that when she got home, she would tuck him in properly and kiss him goodnight, like how she did every night. 

    But she didn’t.

    Since that night, that horrible nightmare that was in fact reality, Adrian had been staying with his Uncle Hugh and his husband, Adrian’s other uncle, Simon. Their apartment was different than Adrian’s home. He had barely gotten any sleep in their guest room, which was smaller than Adrian’s room and doubled as an office. It didn’t feel right to go to sleep without saying goodnight to his mom and receiving her hugs and kisses. 

    “You haven’t given your mother her rose yet, Adrian.” Adrian looked up to meet the sad eyes of his Uncle Simon, then back down at the white rose between his fingers. Everyone close to his mom had been given similar roses to place on her casket before it was lowered into the ground, and Adrian was the only one who hadn’t given his up yet. He shrugged one shoulder, back folding in even more. 

    Simon sat down beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know today has been hard for you, Adrian. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” When Adrian didn’t respond, he continued. “No child should ever have to lose a parent.”

    They sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Adrian kept his eyes trained on the laid out turf flooring beneath him, refusing to let the pooling tears in his eyes fall. He had already cried too much today, though he tried to hide it from everyone else. It was important that he keep a brave face for everyone; it’s what his mom would’ve done. 

    “If I give up the rose,” Adrian began, voice hoarse despite him having barely spoken all day, “then she’ll really be gone, and I’ll be all alone.”

    Simon’s hold on his shoulder tightened, and he pulled the young boy closer. “You’re not alone, son, and you never will be. Don’t you ever think that, okay?”

    Adrian shied away from Simon’s hold. He swiped at his eyes angrily. “But I am, Uncle Simon,” he said harshly. “My mom is dead, and my dad...my dad might as well be dead, too. He wasn’t even at the funeral.”

    It had been a pointless wish for Adrian to hope that a man would show up at his mom’s funeral, that he would search the room until his eyes landed on Adrian, and Adrian would think of how familiar he looked. It was stupid of Adrian to think that this man would approach him and introduce himself, and then tell him that he was Adrian’s father and that he was going to take care of him from now on. But Adrian had wandering eyes throughout the funeral, despite his distress, and he never found this man. He was crushed; his father, whoever he may be, truly didn’t care about him or his mom. Adrian remembered his mom once telling him, when Adrian had asked about his dad, that his dad just wasn’t ready for a life with prodigies, and that he hadn’t been absent from Adrian’s life because he didn’t care about his son. Before, Adrian had believed her comforting words, if only to hold onto the thread of hope that he had a loving father somewhere out there, and that this man would return one day. Now, he knew better. 

    “Your father is no dad.” Out of the corner of his eye, Adrian saw Simon shake his head. “I’m sorry he didn’t show up, Adrian, but that’s not what I meant. You still have dozens of people who care about you, dozens of people who love you. Hugh and I are your godparents, and we’re taking you in, for now, at least. We will understand if you would rather live with someone else in the future, but for now, it is our responsibility to you and your mother to raise you as our own from now on, and we’ll gladly do it because we loved your mother and we love you, okay?” Again, Adrian didn’t answer. Simon sighed tiredly. 

    “Your mother was an incredible person, Adrian. She was brave, intelligent, funny, and above all of that, she was one of the kindest people I have ever met. I see her in you so much, and that’s proof that she will never truly be gone. She will live on inside of you, but you have to make sure that happens.” Adrian peeked up at him then, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I can guarantee that she is watching over us right now, too. Do you want to know how I know that?” Adrian nodded, chin beginning to tremble. “Because she’s too stubborn to leave us alone.” For the first time that day, Adrian’s lip curled up on one side. It was only slight, though. “Even when she would leave you with a babysitter for her work, she would constantly check in and see how you were doing. She hated leaving you at home, and I know she hates that she can’t be by your side right now. You were her world, son, and she will continue to check up on you for the rest of your life.”

    Adrian dropped his gaze down again. Simon patted his back gently, staying with him for a moment before getting up. “When you’re ready, just find me or Hugh, alright?” 

    And then he was gone, leaving Adrian alone with his thoughts. 

    A gust of wind blew through the canopy tent where Adrian sat before his mother’s casket. He thought back to earlier that day during the funeral and how many people had shown up. It had been in a small church, yes, but there had been people lined up along the back walls, people that Adrian had never seen before in his life. He guessed he had never realized how important his mom was to others than just him.

    He had insisted on being a pallbearer, after he had asked Hugh earlier that morning what it meant upon hearing it come up in conversation. While he was too small to handle that, something that annoyed Adrian, Hugh allowed him to walk with the pallbearers, specifically beside Hugh and Simon, as they carried his mom. It had been a strange experience, but Adrian couldn’t imagine himself anywhere else; he had been attached to his mom’s hip since he was born, and he was going to keep it that way for as long as possible. Foreign faces became sympathetic at the sight of him walking with his mom, strangers offered their condolences and apologies all day, whatever condolences even meant. 

    Adrian looked back over his shoulders, eyes landing on Hugh and Simon, who were standing together with a man and a woman that Adrian didn’t know. His gaze wandered to the sunny day, the blue sky and fluffy clouds. It wasn’t fitting for a funeral. 

    He twisted back around to face the casket. Tamaya, his mom’s old roommate and fellow Renegade, picked it out. It was white with gold trim and decorated with lilies here and there, his mom’s favorite flower. Slowly, Adrian stood up, gripping the white rose between his trembling hands. He made his way to the casket slowly; each step was painful. When he reached the casket, he let out a slow breath, ignoring the tears welling up in his eyes. He placed a hand on the side. Just barely. Simon was right. His mom would always be watching over him because that’s who she was. And Adrian would make sure that she would live on, that she wouldn’t be forgotten. 

    “If...if you’re really out there,” Adrian mumbled, sniffling. He wiped at his face with his shirt sleeve. It had been the same one he wore to Hugh and Simon’s wedding a while back. Once holding a happy memory, now not so much. “I love you, Mom. You tucked me in for so long,” his throat caught on his words as his chin trembled greatly, “now...now it’s time for me to tuck you in.” Tears fell freely down his face and to the ground. Closing his eyes, Adrian reached his hand forward and set the rose down on the casket, on top of the others. 

    Feeling himself finally break for the first time since Hugh had told him what happened a week ago, Adrian Rawles laid his head in his arms on top of the casket and cried.

[fairydust-stuff]

Ode to Hannah Annafellows

I noticed Hannah doesn’t get as much attention as Alois or Claude. I know a lot of her writing makes no sense half the time but lets be honest Alois and Claude suffered from inconsistencies as well. What we do have is fairly interesting though, so I wanted to write an piece that gives attention to my favorite Demon Lady.

Hannah the Demon Hannah used to be just like Sebastian and Claude for filling contracts for a quick meal. She was board and just killing time until she met Luka and fulfilled his wish to slaughter everyone who was mean to him and his big brother. “That is the first time anyone ever thanked Me." at first glance it seems like Hannah went from sinner to saint however a closer look reveals. Hannah is still a demon regardless of her newfound humanity; her true nature makes her a dangerous foe. 

Here's the thing Hannah isn't a good person but she's, not a completely evil like bad fanfic's portrays her as, and not without kindness but she's still a viper. Hannah would gladly tattle on Claude to Alois, she would never keep the spiders confidence. In fact she'd use the opportunity to try and get a heartbroken Alois to listen to her. Hannah has shown herself to be very manipulative and sneaky. She spent her whole time at Trancy manor patiently waiting for Claude to screw up so she could step in. Outside of Alois and Luka she's not exactly warm hearted people forget this is the women who was fine turning everyone into zombies and watching them tear each other apart on Alois's orders. She had every intention of hurting Sebastian in that fight. She's probly killed others off screen too and the stuff with Ciel which I’ll get to later. This reflects that although Hannah is capable of love, humanity with the exception of Alois and Luka are still basically insects to her.

Hannah and Alois Everyone seems to forget especially Claude x Hannah shippers is Hannah is Alois's creature even more so then Claude. In fact they have certain traits in common. Both of them are protective of those they love, (Alois luka and Claude, Hannah Alois, luka) forgiving of trespasses by dear ones, (Alois forgave Claude, Hannah forgave Alois) can be incredibly vindictive if crossed, (Just look at how they got Sebastian and Ciel good) know how to manipulate and trick people in order to get what they want. They both can keep up a charade for a fairly long time. (Hannah everyone, Alois lord trancy) Hannah is both the tinker bell and Wendy to Alois's peter pan. (Without the romantic feelings)

This is why oc x Claude fics annoy me so much. (Seriously, Claude couldn't keep a human female alive around those two. Alois would go sobbing to Hannah and she would cut the girls throat for being in the way of her highnesse's happiness. Also Hannah would never aid a random person unless that girl meant something to Alois. So any oc finance of Ciel's would be screwed in that situation. I strongly think her attack on Ciel was a direct retaliation for him stabbing Alois as well as to help Alois seize Ciel's body. However the fact of the matter is their relationship is troubling, manipulations by Claude and the fact both of them are socially impaired creates miscommunication about the others intentions. One being a demon that’s not used to looking after an abused human, and one being a mentally ill abused child.

I've noticed Hannah wears the same maid uniform that the maids that prepared Alois for Trancy wore, despite her good intentions Hannah comes across as predatory. Her eyes glow red and she slowly licks her fingers like a snake. There are scenes where she's crouched over or straddling Alois's unconscious body in an awkward position. Her biggest problem is unlike Claude who doesn’t care and can calmly make observations and cool headed decisions. Hannah's sincere love may cause her to be over zealous and over stepping into the comfort zone of a young boy who is wary of adults and their desire to be close to him. (Not that this excuses his behavior) Yet it can be argued Alois is as dependent on her as he is with Claude. When Claude hurts Alois emotionally Hannah is the one he goes to either to take his frustrations out on her, or to simply cry his eyes out. She is the one he gets to take him to ciels manor so he can warn him about Claude and later Alois relies on her to help him carry out his plans in the maze. This suggests even in earlier episodes she held some importance to him even when he didn't trust her.

Claude and Hannah The two of them have a very interesting dynamic. Claude is the beloved cherished servant Alois constantly showers with compliments and as a result of his affections, Claude has the kid wrapped around his finger. “My heart is trapped in your spider webs, I love you my highness." Alois declares in the last episode. In contrast Hannah gets all the abuse Alois even rips her eye out for looking at him wrong. “She creeps me out" Alois sincerely tells Sebastian in his introduction episode. Claude yet both of them are attracted to Alois's fiery soul. “I do so love your passion." Claude thinks near the end of Spiders Intention “As do I." Hannah adds. However as the two dominant figures in Alois's life they are at odds with each other. And although I’ve heard different takes on Claude and Hannah's relationship some suggesting love or sexual intimacy.

I tend to view them as enemies who dislike each other greatly, but see the benefit in an alliance against greater threats. Although I don't doubt a sexual relationship is possible, I think it would be purely for physical and manipulative purposes. I know some fans are convinced Claude is gay or a pedophile but honestly Claude is a demon therefore he most likely has no limits to what he will and won't screw. 

Claude although incapable of love himself is possessive he views Alois as his property bought and paid for by their contract, fated to be eaten when Claude grows tired of him. He is suspicious of Hannah and doesn’t want her to steal his meal but also regards her as his toy or as he so crudely put “Hole for my sheath." referring both to the fact she is the keeper of an actual sword and perhaps making a sexual reference. He even protects her from Sebastian at one point, yet Claude himself treats both of his so called possessions like trash. Hannah gets it the worst he throws her around hits her and constantly pulls a painful sword out of her body. Yet he's also dependent on her, as shown in spider’s intention Claude makes the triplets and Hannah do the actual work.

Although he insists the work is beneath him, I’d argue Claude is too proud to admit Hannah is better at pleasing Alois then he is. As shown when she suggests bluebells in Alois's room in contrast to the roses Claude wanted. Hannah seems to dislike Claude she is jealous of the love Alois has for him and angry at how false he is. “You don't deserve to be at his side, the only one who does is Luka Macken" she states. Later she seems to display open hatred for Claude instead of simple distaste Suggesting Alois use his wish to bind Claude to him forever and saying that she would happily break Claude’s legs for him. Most likely retaliation for his murder and betrayal of Alois himself. However later she does except Claude into her family and take him to limbo on Alois's behest while his soul is in side of her. Suggesting she has the ability to forgive and forget. Anti-Hero Hannah I know fans praise Ciel and Sebastian as an anti-heroes but no their villain protagonists. Both Ciel and Sebastian are obsessed with their goals which are purely selfish. In contrast Hannah is the closest thing this series has to a hero. So anti-hero I guess just to be fair. Her whole goal is to save Alois and his brother she even saves Claude from dying permanently and she kills herself to free their souls on the off chance they can all go to Nervinna. Think about her whole role taking abuse, saving children and forgiving her abusers and helping them too find a kind of peace. Even Ciel is able to relax as a demon knowing Sebastian won't munch on his soul.

She also goes through a huge change in her attitude from careless predator to someone who's starting to figure out she is capable of emotions like love and caring. But Why is she so understanding of Alois's abuse how can she love him? I’ve wondered this myself I know it was because she swallowed his brother, but I think their might be a deeper reason. I think Hannah gets Alois Trancy more than anyone else. (Not that it’s saying much everyone else in Alois life except Luka was extremely self-absorbed) She's a demon a demon who felt lonely and board and did horrible things that's what demon do lash out at the world because they've been rejected by heaven. So when Alois lashes out because he's scared or hurting Hannah can’t hate him, because I think she's been there many times and done far worse crimes then the human before her. She's had centuries to do things like start wars and topple empires. So when Alois hurts her Hannah can’t help but understand and relate to him. Which is what makes Hannah so fascinating she's a demon who can be nasty but still manages to be kind, understanding, and embrace penance, and forgiveness.

[committedquartz]

your worth isn’t found in what they think of you

Characters: Evan Buckley, Christopher Diaz, Eddie Diaz

Fandom: 9-1-1

Pairings: Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Summary: ‘the first thing buck notices is how christopher walks straight past him to the couch without his usual hug and ‘“hey buck!”’

or the one where buck and christopher spend the day together but buck soon realises that something’s wrong

Word Count: 2685

A/N: So, this is my first ever fic and also the first time I’ve ever posted anything on tumblr (if you can believe that!) 

You can also read this on Ao3 here

Trigger Warning: Please check the last few tags for trigger warnings! Stay safe!

Hope you enjoy!

Ever since their talk after the tsunami, Buck has been watching Christopher for Eddie whenever he can. He’s gotten to know and care for the boy more than he already did, which he didn’t think was possible. He finds himself looking forward to their days together, whether it be a day trip or a more relaxed stay-at-home day.

Today is going to be the latter.

In preparation, Buck went to the store a few days ago and made sure to buy Chris’ favorite movies: Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc and Moana. He also dropped one of his own favourites, Tangled, into the basket before going to the checkout.

Although Buck is trying to make healthier choices when it comes to snacking, he always keeps his and Christopher’s ‘Secret Snack Space’ stocked up with all kinds of goodies for when the boy comes to visit. It’s currently full of a variation of snacks including popcorn, doughnuts and a large tub of sugary candy, which he doesn’t ever bring out until Eddie is gone for the day.

He knows the look he’d receive from the man if he knew he was feeding his son that amount of sugar and also knows he won’t ever be able to say no to Christopher when he asks for more.

Eddie and Christopher arrive an hour before Eddie’s shift starts and the first thing Buck notices is how Christopher walks straight past him to the couch without his usual hug and ‘“hey Buck!”

He turns back to where Eddie is still standing in the doorway and with his eyebrow raised, asks “Is he okay?” in a hushed tone, not wanting Christopher to hear him.

Eddie shrugs, also walking past Buck to place Chris’ rucksack onto the kitchen island. “I don’t know” he admits, “he won’t talk to me about what’s bothering him and I don’t wanna push him.” Buck understands that completely, he may not have children of his own but he knows enough to know not to push them if they don’t want to talk.

Eddie makes his way over to where Christopher is sitting on the couch and Buck smiles as he pulls him into a hug. Christopher pulls back quicker than usual and Buck’s smile falls as he sees the look that crosses Eddie’s face. Buck hasn’t witnessed anything that even remotely looks like that on Eddie’s face around Christopher before and he doesn’t like the ache it presents in his chest. He also doesn’t like the smile he forces onto his face when he says goodbye to them both and leaves through the front door.

Not sure what to do, Buck awkwardly hovers near the bottom of his stairs before grabbing the popcorn and tub of candy from his kitchen cupboard and takes them over to Christopher. When Buck doesn’t get a smile and only receives a half shrug as he shows Chris the movies he got, he tries not to ask what’s wrong.

Or pout.

After getting another shrug when he asks Christopher which one he wants to see first, Buck decides to go with Moana.

They get about halfway through the movie with Buck eating most of the candy, before Christopher turns his body to Buck’s, saying his name quietly.

Buck reaches onto the coffee table to press the pause button on the remote before also turning his body towards Chris with a “yea, buddy?”

He sees the hesitation on his face and the tears pooling behind his glasses and the realisation that something is very wrong knocks the wind out of Buck.

“Hey! It’s okay, bud! What’s goin’ on?”

Christopher meets Buck’s eyes and lets out a shuddering breath before mumbling a quiet “some boys at school are mean to me.”

Buck knows he shouldn’t feel the amount of anger that starts to course through his entire being, about a bunch of nine year olds but he can’t help it. The urge to phone Christopher’s school and demand a meeting with their parents is so strong that Buck has to focus on the look on Christopher’s face to stop himself.

He looks so scared about what Buck’s going to say that Buck forces himself to school his face into what he hopes is a reassuring expression.

“Mean how? Do you want to tell me some more about it?” As soon as the words leave his mouth Christopher nods, his voice trembling as he forces his words out.

“Yeah! They kept calling me nasty names ‘cus I wanted t-to play with the dolls that the girls had and not the action man!”

Buck's knee-jerk response to that is to cry but instead he reaches forward, pulling Christopher into a hug, letting the boy cry into his chest. The anger Buck felt from earlier makes way for a stronger feeling of sadness.

Buck can feel the pain radiating from the boy and he doesn’t just empathise with him, he knows it, remembers it.

He remembers being sat with Maddie in her room, whilst his parents were out at another fancy dinner. Her room was always so much more colorful than his. She had light hardwood flooring, cartoon rainbows dotted around the baby pink walls and covering her bed sheets too. It was a much more exciting place for a young child than his dark blue walls and plain blue bed sheets.

Maddie’s toys were more exciting too.

Buck loved the pretty clothes they wore and the accessories they came with. His action figures were dull and boring in comparison so he preferred to play with hers.

That day was no different. Buck had wandered into Maddie’s room as their nanny prepared them dinner, making his way to sit on her cloud shaped rug. Maddie looked over from where she was writing at her desk and smiled, giving him the go ahead to open up her large, wooden dollhouse.

Buck remembers the story he made up, how the two princesses were in love and running away from a scary alien dragon. Maddie had laughed between helping him with the dragon noises as he ran around the room, arms outstretched and a doll in each hand.

He was shouting so loudly that neither of them had heard their parents return home and his father walk up the stairs until it was too late.

Mr Buckley snatched the dolls from Buck and threw them onto the ground before grabbing him by the hand and dragging him down the stairs and into his office.

Buck didn’t understand why he was being told off for playing with dolls.

He didn’t know the meaning of the horrible names his father was calling him until he was much older and hearing them daily in the school locker rooms.

After that incident, his father had made sure that Buck was part of the football team almost as soon as he joined high school.

He made sure that Buck was never allowed to join the theatre or art club, like he wanted to.

He made sure that Buck was an all-american boy, never stepping a toe outside of that box.

No matter how cheesy it seems, Buck doesn’t want that lack of self-expression for Christopher. He wants him to be able to be or do whatever he wants in life and he knows he wants to always be there to support whatever that may be.

With that sentiment in mind Buck pulls back from their hug just enough so Chris can see him when he whispers, “how about we go to the mall?”

The small grin that Christopher gives him is the first positive emotion Buck has seen from him since he arrived and he never wants it to leave.

They both bundle into Buck’s car, singing along loudly to the Disney soundtrack that Buck ‘forgot’ to take out since their last road trip together (and definitely doesn’t sing along to when he’s on his own.)

When they arrive at the mall, the first stop is the food court to eat something that isn’t one hundred percent sugar.

Christopher seems to have perked up a lot by the time they make their way to the toy store, rushing over to the aisle full of princess dolls as soon as they step inside.

Buck feels a swell of what can only be described as parental adoration as he looks down at Christopher whose eyes are wide, scanning over all of the different options available. He sees his gaze stop on a Sleeping Beauty doll.

The doll has long blond hair with fair skin but what stands out the most is the flowing, sparkly pink dress. Buck reaches for the doll and pulls it from the shelf, crouching down to Christopher’s height.

“How about this one?” He says, turning it to face Chris, who suddenly looks more reserved than he did ten seconds ago.

He mumbles something so quietly that Buck has a hard time hearing him, but he does and the words make his heart break.

“Your dad could never hate you, sweetheart! No matter what toys you want to play with!”

Christopher doesn’t seem convinced so Buck stands back up, reaching back onto the shelf to pick out two more dolls. “Here! How about I get one for him and one for me too? That way we can all play together next time we’re at your house.”

Relief floods through Buck as Chris turns to him and hugs his legs, whispering a soft “thank you, Bucky” into his jeans. Blinking away tears, Buck cards his fingers through Chris’ hair making sure his voice is even before replying.

“Of course, bud.”

They get back to Buck’s apartment just before dinner time.

Buck places a pizza in the oven and turns back to find Christopher hovering near the shopping bags he’d placed on the kitchen island.

Buck has an idea as to why he hasn’t taken his usual spot on the couch.

Chris is still too nervous to start playing with his new toys on his own so Buck picks up the bag and walks it over to the coffee table in front of the couch. He hears Christopher coming over to join him as he takes the dolls out of the bag and removes the packaging.

“Here you go, bud!” Buck says, handing each doll over to him when he’s situated himself on the couch. “You want me to put one of the movies on for you?”

Getting a nod and a small smile in response, Buck pops Finding Nemo into the DVD player and goes back to the kitchen to chop the salad to go with their pizza. By the time he has assembled the salad, the pizza is ready to be served and eaten.

Christopher keeps his dolls between him and Buck on the couch cushion, letting Buck know that it’s because he wants them to be able to watch his favourite movie with them both. Buck feels his heart soar at the openness of the admission, glad he could help him feel at ease about himself.

Eddie arrives to take Christopher home an hour after they finish their dinner. The knock on the door jolts Buck out of the imaginary world him and Chris have created on the living room floor. He jumps to his feet, runs to the door and opens it, being greeted by Eddie’s laugh.

“That was quick” he says as Buck moves out of the way to allow him into the apartment. Before Buck can reply, Chris shouts him from the living room.

“Coming buddy!”

Buck looks at Eddie. He looks more alert than he usually does after a shift, which Buck knows means their last call was probably very intense. Eddie gives him a soft smile, “You go ahead, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.”

Buck nods before making his way back over to Chris. He sits himself back down next to him before asking “What’s up?” Buck thinks he knows what the problem is when he sees that Chris has pushed his dolls under the coffee table, out of sight.

“Can I keep my princesses here please? I don’t want daddy to know I got them.” Buck can hear from his voice and the look on his face that the nervousness from when they were at the store is back in full force.

“Oh, Chris. You don’t have to worry about what your dad’s going to say, buddy! Remember what I said at the mall? He’s not going to mind what toys you want to play with, just that you’re having fun!” Chris seems to take it all in and still looks uneasy.

“Remember, we got him one too and he’s going to absolutely love it! I think we should give him the Belle one because of his brown hair. What do you think?” Chris seems deep in thought and then gives Buck a resolute nod just as Eddie appears from the bathroom.

Eddie seems to relax as soon as he sees Chris, his smile reaching his eyes as he asks him how his day was.

Christopher excitedly starts reciting every detail about what had happened that day and doesn’t even stop to take a breath, until he gets to the part about what toys he got from the toy store.

Noticing his hesitation, Eddie glances at Buck with a questioning look on his face. Buck keeps his eyes on Christopher trying to convey to Eddie that he should let him carry on with his story. Thankfully, Eddie gets the message and injects enthusiasm into his voice as he says, “That sounds awesome! What toys did you get?”

Chris looks at Buck, his eyes wide and still filled with hesitation. Buck makes sure to give him the biggest smile he can muster which seems to be enough.

Christopher reaches under the table and scoops up his dolls, reaching his hands towards his dad so Eddie can see them. Eddie’s face lights up, his eyes starting to water as he crouches down next to Buck.

“Wow! They’re lovely, kiddo! Guess what?” Christopher looks up to meet Eddie’s eyes, his own wide. “They remind me of the ones I used to play with when I was your age!” Buck turns his head to study Eddie’s face, trying to pick up on if he was telling the truth or if he was saying it to make his son feel more at ease.

Christopher all but yells “you had princesses?” As his eyes get even wider than before.

“Well, they weren’t mine. They were your Aunt Sophia’s but I used to play with them when your abuelo was at work.”

Buck feels a wave of affection wash over him as he watches Chris giggle and pull Eddie into a bone-crushing hug.

Buck and Eddie spend half an hour listening to Christopher as he makes up a whole new story about the princesses, both of them chiming in as he goes. He decides that Buck and Eddie’s dolls are married and that his doll is their daughter. Buck tries not to let that narrative make his cheeks flush or think about what Eddie feels about the parts they’re playing.

Eddie has another early shift the next day so him and Christopher get ready to leave earlier than usual.

Buck walks them to the door and crouches down in front of Chris, squeezing his arms around him as the boy whispers “thank you” into his chest.

Eddie stands in the front doorway and Buck can feel his eyes on him as he stands up and watches Chris start to leave through it.

Buck doesn’t have time to say anything before Eddie’s pulling him into his arms, whispering the same phrase that his son just did into his neck. Buck goes to pull away but Eddie just tightens his arms around him.

────────────────────────

Christopher and Eddie arrive at the same time the next morning.

Chris greets him with a hug and a “hey Buck”, a smile plastered on his face.

Eddie greets him with a hug too, pressing his face into his neck where Buck can feel his smile.

Buck feels himself relax.

Everyone’s okay.

[lilousmustaches]

Far from home

Daddy!Jensen x Reader, Tom Holland x reader

Warnings: Pranks and i'm pretty sure that's it.

Notes: Hey guys! Another one of my crazy crossovers, this time with Daddy!Jensen, i admit this is not one of my best works but oh well... zero inspiration lately. I have so many ideas but i just can't write!!! This week i will try to post for you guys a different masterlist. And this week i also have my driving school test, wish me luck! Anyways, i hope you like it!!!!

Summary: Daddy Jensen and uncle Jared go to Marvel studios to visit the reader and her boyfriend, Tom.

"Say Hi to your sister Arrow!" Danneel said looking at the babygirl sitting next to her in the sofa too busy playing with her twin brother, Zeppelin. "Say Hi to (Y/N), Zep."

Zep looked curious at the phone, smiling when he saw you in the screen, making your heart ache. This made Arrow follow her brothers look and scream excited when saw you. "Sissy!" Arrow screamed trying to reach the phone. Since they were still very little, just one year old, they didn't talk much yet and you were proud to say that your little sister first word was "sis", and she said it to you. "Hey my loves." You said smiling through the FaceTime trying hard not to cry. "I miss you guys so much." "Mom! Where's my pink sneaker?" You heard JJ ask from somewhere in the house and you saw Danneel turning to her. "It's washing, come here say Hi to your big sister." She said making the blondie one go running to get the phone. "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!" You laughed when your sister's face appeared close to the scream with a big smile on her face. "I miss you, when you are coming home?" "Soon, just a few more days, I promise J" You said smiling. "I miss you sis, I miss you all." "We miss you too darling." Danneel said. "Are you going to tell him today about Tom?" She asked not even needing to say his name for you to know she was talking about your father. "Yes." You said making a face and she laughed. "I'm nervous." "It's going to be fine." She reassured but was interrupted when Arrow started to cry. "Oh okay, time to go, talk to you later sweetie." Danneel said and the last thing you heard was JJ screaming bye to you. The moment the FaceTime turned off, you sighed and hold back the tears, you missed your family. Your dad, Jensen Ackles, the one and only Dean Winchester from the Tv series Supernatural, was married to Danneel for a long time now. She was not your biological mom, but you considered her to be. Your "real" mom was a rebellious actress, that cared more about new fancy dresses and parties than to you, plus you had a horrible relationship. Jensen didn't even had to fight to take you to live with him, was your wish since ever and your mom didn't exactly care. Your father and Danneel had three kids together, JJ was born when you where 13 years old, and the twins, Arrow and Zepellin when you were 17. You had the best family in the world, and was lucky and proud to call yourself an Ackles. "I finally found you!" Your head turned up to see who was talking to you and smiled when saw Tom Holland, your boyfriend. "I finished my scenes today so I am all yours." He explained giving you a chaste kiss before sitting next to you, in a seat in front of your trailer. "I was talking to D and the munchkins." You explained showing your phone and he nodded. "I'm so nervous." He admitted making you laugh. "Don't laugh at me! I remember the state you were when you met my mother." "It's fine, I'm nervous too." You said. "But he will like you, I know he will." "You can't be sure darling." He said in that British accent you loved so much. "He may want to kill me." "We are about to find out." You joked and he rolled his eyes. Just like your father and stepmom, you chose to be an actress. And got a important part, in no less than Marvel studios. You appeared in Doctor Strange and came back for the newest Avengers movie, where you met Tom, spider man himself, and cliche as it seems, instantly feel in love. He was sweet, funny, caring and in reality, the only one about your age. He was 21 and you were 18. Because of that, you passed a lot of time together, and quickly the friendship evolved into a relationship. The producers needed to shoot some scenes in Vancouver, coincidentally where Supernatural was filmed. And of course you enjoyed the opportunity to see you father, who you didn't saw in four months. You arrived yesterday to the city and still haven't had time to go out and stay with your dad, so he and your uncle Jared, his best friend, decided to pay you a visit. "We are here! But a little lost, how in the world your 'improvised just a few days set' is bigger than forever Spn set? I'm insulted. Come find us please." You laughed at your father message showing it to Tom, before taking his hand and getting up. "Ready to meet your father-in-law?" You asked joking. "Not even a little bit." Tom answered. You walked around a little bit trying to find them, but apparently they really were lost. "Hey there love birds!" You saw Chris Evans waving at you, with a smile in his face. Evans was one of the cast members you were most close with, he was a clown and always made you laugh. "(Y/N) I just meet your father, and it really fucking scared me." He said. "Imagine if he took the Captain America part years back? Man... He is taller than me, and Jared, he is taller than Hermsworth, I just couldn't believe it." Evans said. Jensen actually was offered the Capitan American part years back, but refused it because of Supernatural, he didn't regret it and honestly he was relieved he didn't take it. You however, said yes immediately when was offered a part in Doctor Strange. "I know, uncle Jared is a giant, it's insane." "I'm worried." Tom admit it making Chris start laughing like crazy. "It's going to be okay pal." Evans said patting Holland's back. "Meeting the father in law, big step huh? No pressure..." He joked to make Tom more nervous. "Just kidding, Jensen is looking for you (Y/N), they are that way." You thanked him and walked in the direction he pointed soon seeing your father and your uncle talking to Benedict Cumberbatch, still in the Doctor Strange suit. Ben ended being a protective father figure for you too since you did a lot of your scenes together. Jensen stopped talking when spotted you coming in his direction, with the spider boy behind you. He knew him from Civil War and from the new spider man movie but never met the kid personally. "Dad!" You said walking a little faster and throwing yourself in his arms, sighing in relief. You always was incredibly close with your family, especially your dad, when you were younger, you would pass days in the Spn set with him just enjoying his company. "Hi sweetheart." Jensen said still hugging you strong. "I missed you." "I missed you too." You said not wanting to break the hug. "So much." "Too cool to hug your uncle?" Jared joked when you stepped away from Jensen making you roll your eyes but the smile not leaving your face. "Hi uncle Jared." You said jumping in his arms as well as he hugged you strong. "Hi (Y/N), I miss having you around." He said making you smile and giving you a kiss on the forehead when you stepped away. "Marvel set is fun but nothing compares to Supernatural." You said. "I won't take this as an offense." Benedict said making you all laugh. "But anyways I still have to finish some scenes today. Bye Jensen, Jared, always a pleasure." Ben said shaking theirs hands. "See you tomorrow (Y/N)." He said giving you a quick hug and then turning to Tom. "You coming?" "Hmm no, I am done for today." He said with a small smile and you felt for him. He was indeed so nervous. And embarrassed. "Oh... OH okay, bye guys." Benedict said finally realizing that you were about to say to Jensen that you were dating Tom. It was no secret between the people on set, especially because you two was always together, but it still was a secret for the rest of the world. You already had the chance to met his mother, his twins brothers and his best friend, Harrison. But this was the first time Tom was meeting someone from your family, and it didn't help when it was Jensen Ackles*, the main actor from one of his brothers' favorites shows. "So..." Your dad broke the awkward silence hoping that you would do something about it. "Oh yeah, I'm sorry!" Tom said fast and your dad and Jared immediately noticed the British accent. "I'm Tom, I play Spider man." He said shaking your father's Hand and after Jared's. "I know, I saw it." Jensen replied and this new information, if it was possible, made Tom more nervous. "Okay, dad..." You sighed taking courage to said it since by the state the poor boy was, he was never going to be able to do it. "This is Tom, my boyfriend." Jensen and Jared looked at each other not showing any emotions in their faces, actually, in that moment you saw a lot of Dean in your father. And after torturous seconds, Jensen started to shake his head in denial. "I told you bringing the gun was a good idea." Jensen said to Jared, pulling from the back of his jeans a pistol making Tom go nuts. He looked desperately between you and Jensen. "Wait, what?" Tom said confused but insanely scared. Your dad looked scary as hell. You frowned and rolled your eyes when realized everything. "Dad, stop that's enough." You said taking the gun out of his hands. "Relax Tom, he's just messing with you. See?" You continued hitting on him with the suppose gun. "A toy, from their set." Tom took a moment to understand what was happening and sigh in relief putting his hand over his heart. Jared started to laugh like crazy, making Jensen and guilty, you, copy him. "I'm sorry kid, you should have seen your face." Jensen said still laughing a little bit and Tom finally was able to start laughing too, after the shock passed. "How did you know?" You asked suspiciously because clearly the two grown up mans, who mentally looked like 10 years old, in front of you had planned this. "Your sister told me." Jensen started becoming more serious. "She listened to you talking to Dee about your spider man boyfriend and after making me promise not to tell you, she told me." He explained making you open a yellow smile. "Really (Y/N)? JJ is only 5 years old and you are already corrupting her." "Clearly I didn't teach her how to lie properly." You said annoyed and Jared chuckled passing his arms around your shoulders. "If Jensen here didn't have time to calm down when discovered the news, believe me, Marvel would be needing to look out for a new spider man right now." Jared said. "You should thank me for being an amazing uncle that got your back." "You two almost murdered my boyfriend of heart attack, I won't thank any of you." You said making Tom giggle. You went to his side, holding his hand and he smiled. "It's fine, my left arm is hurting a little bit but I guess is normal?" Tom joked making you roll you eyes and give him a chaste kiss. "That's enough young lady. Holding hands is enough." Jensen said annoyed. "Now let's go to the restaurant, i missed talking to my daughter and Misha have been bugging me all week excited to see you." "Wait, we're early, aren't we? Let's do a tour." You suggested and your dad sighed. "If you insist." He said making you hold back a smile because you knew that he was just pretending he wasn't enjoying every single second of it, being the marvel sucker he was. You started to walk around the improvised set they arranged for that few days of shooting in Vancouver. The official set was way bigger. You showed Jensen and Jared, the makeup room, a few assembled scenarios, where the costumes stayed (Jared insisted in taking Thor's hammer to take a few selfies), your trailer and Tom's making Jensen close his expression when he realized they were close. The four of you talked a lot, Tom told your dad that he, as you, had twins brothers and a little one, Paddy. When you had JJ and the twins. Tom was talking to Jared, about spider man stuff, walking a little ahead of you and your dad, who was with his arm around your shoulders. "(Y/N)" You dad said breaking the comfortable silence between you two. "Hm?" "I really missed you kid." Jensen admitted making you look surprised at him but soon smiled. "I missed you too dad." You said. "I hope you liked Tom, it means a lot to me." Like Tom knew you were talking about him, he quickly looked back and gave you a small smile. A little gesture that was common between you two, between takes or in places you couldn't show that you were together. "Yeah, he is a good kid." Your father said struggling. "But you always going to be my little girl (Y/N) and now instead of running around my trailer you pass over seven months away from home, working on marvel. This is huge. And I'm freaking proud of you sweetheart. I guess It's just hard watching you grow up." "You had your chance to work here old man." You teased making he do a classic Dean's bitch face. "I'm joking! What I mean is that I love you too." You said smiling. "And besides you still have JJ, Arrow and Zep to to spoil." "Yeah, my four little demons." He joked making you laugh and gave a fist pump in his abdomen. "But...I love you too princess." "Hey, what are you talking about? Let's go, Cliff is already here." Jared said. Cliff, was their private driver, security and friend. After you gave him a strong hug, he took you all to the restaurant where Misha, Rob, Richard, Briana and Kim, basically the Supernatural cast, were waiting for you. You cared for them and missed them all, and they loved to meet Tom. Misha along with Jared and your father, couldn't stop teasing him, but he didn't really care. Being the first boy of four in his family and one of the youngest on Marvel set, he was kind of used to it. And of course they couldn't stop asking about Spider man, which Tom answered proudly. "Are you okay?" Tom asked caressing your hand under the table seeing that you were a bit quiet for a while. You turned, giving him a small smile and a chaste kiss, that passed unnoticed by the people on the table, that were immersed in their conversation about something that happened in last Spn convention. "Yeah, I'm glad we're here." You said making he smile. "I'm glad that I finally met part of your family, surprising your dad isn't scary as I thought he would be. Harry freaked me out saying sometimes even himself was scared of Dean and that I should get ready." Tom explained referring to one of his twins brothers who just loved Supernatural. "Now I'm really want to meet your sisters and brother and Danneel." "And I'm dying to meet Paddy, he is the sweetest." You said talking about the times when Tom facetimed his little brother with you by his side.   "I'm starting to think that you may like him more than me." Tom joked and you narrowed your eyes, as you were thinking about it. "This might be true, I must say." You said making Tom roll his eyes. "But you're the cutest." "I know I am." He said making you laugh. "But you're the sexiest, so I guess that make us the perfect couple." Tom continued whispering, his face close to yours, making you give a embarrassed laugh. He kissed you again, this time depending it. Jensen stopped laughing about something that Misha had said when saw you and Tom. "(Y/N) Ackles." Jensen warned making you immediately stop your actions. It's was okay thought, you would have time to make out with Tom another time. Right now you were just incredibly happy to have your boyfriend on one side and your dad on the other. Being on Marvel was amazing, of course. But those were the moments you really cared about.

Tagging: @esoltis280 @smoothdogsgirl @sleepylunarwolf @helloangelicaaaaa @sympathyforluci @mirandaaustin93 @atc74 @spnbaby-67 @illisea @bumper-car 

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[written-s0ul]

Someday (1/2)

SUMMARY. Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader. Modern AU. You haven’t talked to Bucky — the ex you’re on good terms with — for a few years now. To break the ice, you decided to prank him with a call — of a fake pregnancy. Inspired by real events.

WARNINGS. Kids? HAHAHA. Fluff & fun. Clint Barton x Laura Barton.

WORD COUNT. 981! Shortest one I’ve ever had for a first part omg.

AUTHOR’S NOTES. So, this has been sitting in my drafts since February. I was supposed to post it for Valentine’s but, yeah, things got hella busy, especially as I will finally be graduating high school in three weeks!!! I hope this soothes any pain you have after watching Infinity War, if you have watched. <3

#1: you are here / #2

Years of babysitting have taught you two things: (1) kids were demons; and (2) you want to raise one.

Hell breaks loose the moment they’re in tears; but the moment you’ve coaxed them to sleep, to smile, to laugh — it’s like you’ve opened up the gates to heaven. There’s no other feeling like it. You’d certainly like to experience it one day. Not right now, but certainly someday.

For now, babysitting for your good Barton friends (while they had their long-due date night, jeezuskrist Clint) was enough.

You didn’t know their kids well, having met them on only a few occasions. So, it was certainly awkward at the beginning of the night, but as it progressed, they warmed up to you, at least in some degree.

Cooper, the eldest, was a sullen boy, shy and reserved — perhaps as expected for a boy going through puberty, when being supervised by an unfamiliar adult — but still so unlike his father. He spent most of the night in his room, only coming out twice: once for dinner, and another for the bathroom. You tried to engage with him both times, ask about school or his friends, but he never said anything more than three words at a time. When he only stared at you when you asked about his obsession with Transformations (or was it Transformers? What did Laura say?), you knew it was time to give up and let the kid have his solitude.

Nathaniel Pietro, on the other hand, was the exact opposite, being the youngest and the one of highest maintenance. Probably because he was a five-year-old, a loud and playful one too, with a habit of throwing toy balls across the room and of waddling around the house, constantly on the move. Distracting him to keep him stationary was exhausting. You could only breathe a sigh of relief once his eyes began to droop after dinner. Although, you had to admit, with him tucked in bed, a great deal of noise and fun was lost. You missed him already.

Peace was yet to come, however. Lila, the middle one, was the human equivalent of a Golden Retriever puppy. Sometimes skipping around the house, occasionally drawing in her sketchbook, often chatting your ear off with an eagerness to please. Such as right now. With your permission to stay up past her eight o’clock bedtime (hey, kids don’t get this chance a lot), she now sat next to you on the floor in the living room, drawing cartoonish characters with the television on, talking about her feuding friends in the art club. It was indeed a complicated situation. You were most certainly glad to not be in that stage of your life anymore.

She sat in silence now, her entire being focused in coloring her work. Now with her completely distracted, you took this chance to check your phone. No new messages. (Let’s pretend that doesn’t hurt.) But there were a few Facebook reminders about upcoming birthdays and events happening near you. You sighed. Might as well.

You pressed on that notification. Hey, it was Sharon Carter’s birthday yesterday! Greet her. Ah shit, you forgot about that. Maybe you’ll send her a short message later.

Scrolling past that, your eyes fell on the birthdays today. Tandy Bowen just turned thirty-six, greet her! Don’t know her, not sure why you even added her as a friend in the first place —

Hey, it’s Bucky Barnes’ birthday today! Write a greeting now …

Your heart leapt. Shit — it’s his thirty-fifth. How could you forget? You literally celebrated it with him, like, four times, before the inevitable break-up three years ago. Then again, you were always horrible at remembering dates. Your exam scores in history could attest to that.

You stared at the familiar profile picture: his face — still so fresh for a thirty-five year old — angled away from the camera, looking out to a snowy mountain — filtered in black and white (his favorite filter — such an old man at heart). Three years ago, that used to be the two of you. At the beach, his eyes gazing down at you as you looked out at the sunset — a beautiful photograph taken by your mutual friend, Natasha. It was lovely, both the photo and the day it was captured.

Should you greet him?

Both of you did spend four wonderful years of your lives together; that wasn’t nothing. And it’s not like the relationship ended on a bad note! Just that you wanted a family and he didn’t. That’s all. It simply wasn’t going anywhere.

Nevertheless, you promised to stay friends. Even though you’ve called each other, what, probably four times for the last three years? Perhaps this was a good chance, then, to start again?

Fingers flying across the keypad, you prepared a short message. 

Hey, Bucky! Oh my god, it’s your birthday! Your body is finally catching up to your soul!

Too many exclamation points. Rewrite.

Hey, Buck. Sending you my warmest wishes for a happy birthday.

Too formal. Again.

Hey, Bucky! How you doin’? Hope your day’s going well. It’s your birthday after all. Can you believe it? God —

Getting too long. Again.

Hey, Bucky! Happy thirty-fifth, I hope today was filled with all your favorite guilty pleasures!

Okay, what the fuck? Why’s this so hard? It shouldn’t be this hard to write a simple birthday message to a friend. Or ex-boyfriend, whatever. Same thing.

Damn it, who’re you kidding? This shit’s too fucking awkward. You need something to crack open the ice you’ve left freezing between the two of you. Something funny, something shocking, something …

Your eyes fell on Lila’s drawing. It was a family, two parents with three kids, one of which was carrying a toddler …

It hit you.

Lips stretching to a wide smile, you poked Lila’s shoulder. She looked up at you.

“Hey, Lila, can you help me with something?”

A/N. Sorry, it’s short. This is mostly build up and exposition. Next part will be posted on Thursday, probably! :D Hope you enjoyed this. <3

Tagging: (If you’d like to be tagged to the story or permanently, let me know!)

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[asilentfrenzy]

Little Sansa Stark watched her half-brother from the corner of her eye suspiciously, jerking her nose up indignantly when he caught her looking. Stupid Jon. She shouldn’t be forced to play with him when he was so abhorrently rude all of the time, not to mention the fact that he had no manners whatsoever. What was father thinking when he dealt them this punishment? It was Jon who had purposely tricked her into slipping in the mud, the vengeful, rotten boy that he was.

Sansa stared at her lap outside of the Red Keep, the attention of her ears pulling toward the squealing children as they grew louder. She glanced up from her hands without lifting her head, following the path of a small girl running from a boy who was clearly much faster than her.

ready, set, go I'll race you to the wall

Little Jon Snow squinted at his irritating little sister as she huffed about and tried to act as though she wasn’t staring at him by quickly looking away as soon as he caught her. Stupid little girl she was, making a fuss about a dress that she could easily wash. He didn’t see why it mattered that her dress had been dirtied anyway - she had more than enough, the spoiled little brat. They were stuck together because she had to go and whine to her mother, but of course their father had intervened. He always intervened when Jon was involved, as Catelyn surely would try and have him chopped up into bits and fed to the dogs for making her sweet little Sansa upset.

“You can’t sit there pouting all day. We have to play as father said or else he will give us an even worse punishment,” he announced, putting on a stern voice. After all, he was her older brother.

i will win, i am the fastest

“I’ll never play with you, you’re awful! You tricked me for no reason! You didn’t even apologize,” she said accusingly, looking at him with a sad sort of scowl that instantly had Jon feeling a bit of regret.

“Why should I say sorry? You never say sorry when you get me and Arya in trouble. That’s what you get. I’m always nice to you and still you are nothing but.. just.. how you are!”

“It’s not my fault you picked Arya as your favorite sister, because I’m going to get her in trouble no matter what! Don’t want to get in trouble, don’t play with Arya! Simple! Besides, don’t be such a baby about it.”

i don't wanna grow old, bring me all the toys you can find

Jon blinked in bewilderment as she rolled her eyes. “I’m the baby? Ha! You cry more than anyone I’ve ever known! You cry more than an actual baby.”

“I worked very hard on that dress,” she cried out in a burst of frustration. “It took me ages to get the stitching on the collar right, and it’s not structured well enough to fair well being washed as much as it will take to get all that mud out! It will fall apart!”

His face fell and he looked away from her in uncomfortable shame, shifting his weight between his feet as he rubbed his teeth together. “I didn’t know you made it, Sansa,” he said quietly after a while, looking down at the ground as he wrung his hands together. “I’m sorry.”

“Chase. We will play the chase game, and then I won’t have to look at your dumb face so much.” Sansa crossed her arms, disregarding his apology completely as she glared at him with a fierceness that didn’t seem possible from such a teeny little thing.

you don’t want to grow up, you can be my partner in crime

“Good.” Jon recovered from his falter in demeanor and smirked, crossing his arms back while raising an eyebrow at her. “You run first, since last time you tried to catch me you slipped and fell in a puddle of mud.”

Sansa’s icy, narrowed-eyes-of-death expression had him snorting as he held back a laugh. He shook his head while ducking his face away as he tried to hide his amusement. “Go on then! I’m only counting to ten!”

Sansa raised her head to watch the children properly, a tired smile pulling at her lips that couldn’t quite reach her eyes. What she would do to be them again - naive with stupid cares and worries like winning childish games or fixing broken dolls. It was painful to think she took it all for granted, physically painful. Every time some hateful comment she had made toward her home or siblings came to mind it hit her harder than a brutal slap from a man as large as the Hound. She had to keep from doubling over and making a scene each time.

i’ll be sure to write you from the war, put your guns away it’s tea time

The sound of her feet smacking down across the forest floor as she ran as fast as she could away from her half-brother pounded in little Sansa’s ears. She made a small squeal of frustration and panic at the way she seemed to slow and falter each time she tried to watch her steps to keep from tripping. She couldn’t hear, Jon. 

Odd, she thought he was fast! Oh no, what if he wasn’t really chasing her? What if he was trying to get her lost? No, Jon wouldn’t do that, he wasn’t that mean. He loved her.. At least she hoped so. Yes, he did. He said sorry for making her ruin her dress! He did love her, Sansa was sure of it. Wait, did she love him?

Sansa gasped at herself when she realized her thoughts had slowed her down enough that she was practically walking and quickly pushed her legs to run even harder. She still didn’t hear Jon. Was he okay? Maybe he got lost. He said he was only counting to ten.. Surely -

close your eyes and count to thirty-five, you may never ever find me

She let out a small scream when she was pulled to the side mid-sprint, stumbling as she lost her footing in the break of momentum. She was caught and steadied by Jon’s arms and she looked up at his victorious grin in disbelief, finding his usual scowling eyes light and glinting with something mischievous and smug. 

“Where did you come from?!” She demanded, pulling away and throwing her hands up in the air. “I didn’t hear you at all! I worried you had gotten yourself lost!” 

“Of course you didn’t hear me - that was the point,” he scoffed, looking her up and down haughtily before rolling his eyes. “I’d never get lost, I know my -” Jon broke off, looking at her in surprise as he cocked his head to the side curiously. “Worried? Why? Do you not know how to get back to the castle on your own from here?”

“I’m sure I could manage, but I would hate it if you were lost!” She exclaimed, frowning. “That would be terrible! Oh, it would be so frightening to be lost in these woods alone. I would feel awful.. and what if you were hurt! And what if by the time I reached father it were too late!”

She rambled on, placing a hand on her forehead as she horrified herself with her own imagination. Her brow furrowed and she trailed off when she noticed him smiling at the ground, an warmth on his face that was unfamiliar to see coming from him. 

close my eyes and then i realize, you are never far behind me

“What?” She demanded. “Don’t make fun of me. I know you think I’m just a silly little girl, but just because you’re so sure of how you well you know the forest doesn’t mean it would impossible for you to get lost!”

“I’m not making fun of you, Sansa,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Just didn’t think you’d ever worry about me. Didn’t think you’d care if I got lost. Your mo.. Well, yes. That’s all.” 

She reared back slightly, offended that he’d think her so heartless. “You’re my brother!” Of course, I’d-”

“Your bastard half-brother,” he corrected, resentment coloring his face, a much more familiar expression for him to wear.

Sansa gasped softly, shaking her head and waving her hands back and forth lightly by her sides. “Don’t say that about yourself! Yes, you may be.. that, but you’re still Ned Stark’s son. You’re still a part of this family! And that means I don’t want you to get lost or hurt or.. anything,” she huffed out, nodding curtly. “I love you. Don’t be silly.”

Sansa watched the boy catch the little girl and dropped her head back down, wishing she were in a game as well. Perhaps then someone would catch her, as she always lost such games. 

But she wasn’t a child anymore, and no one was coming to catch her. 

let’s have fun, let’s play out under the sun, will you take me by the hand?

“You have to catch me now,” little Jon told Sansa carefully, still feeling foolishly giddy over the fact she had told him she loved him and had spoken of him like he was a real Stark. “If you want a hint, then what you have to do is not run directly behind me. That’s what I expect you to do, so that’s what my ears will be listening for. Rather, if you are on my side or somewhere else then I’m less likely to hear you. That’s why you thought I got lost, but really I was near you the whole time. I just let you feel safe before I got too close so you weren’t listening very much. But since I’m telling you that trick then it won’t work as well on me, but next time you play against someone else I’ll expect you to win!”

But Sansa hadn’t won. She had gotten lost. 

let’s see how far we can run

Jon sat back in his chair, inwardly sighing at the memory of his little sister Sansa. His father had been furious at him when Jon had told him he had lost his little girl. Though it didn’t take his father too long to find her, and Sansa had acted as though she had meant to get lost. He shook his head at the ground as he thought more on how she had married Tyrion Lannister of all men. That he couldn’t imagine her ever going through with on her own free will. Should he be very concerned? Did it matter if he was? He doubted she’d appreciate her bastard half-brother riding in to snatch her away from royalty. She had always been an odd one to figure out. 

come with me, fool around

He closed his eyes as more worries began to spin around his head. He hadn’t thought much on the possibility of her being horribly abused in her situation, hadn’t thought to worry much about Sansa at all really. Why hadn’t he thought to concern himself with her more? At that point, she was solely his responsibility, wasn’t she? 

What could he do? He had no idea the truth of her situation, nor did he have many options when it came to rescuing her. She knew where he was, he could only hope she knew to come to him should she actually have no where to go. She was a clever girl. She could escape somehow should she need to. 

you can catch me if you can

If he truly believed that, then why did he feel so awful as though he had lost her himself? 

“I will catch you,” little Sansa announced confidently. “And when I do.. you will have to kiss me.”

“What,” Jon demanded, his face screwing together. “Why.”

“Because that’s how it always works,” she told him flatly as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “When someone wins, they get a kiss.”

we can make a secret place

“Uhh.. no, I don’t think that’s how it ‘always’ works. Besides, I’m your brother.”

“So? Robb kisses me.”

“On the cheek,” Jon said dully. “And he’s much more.. sappy than I am. You’re still a brat, so I don’t really feel like being affectionate like that.” 

i don’t want to grow old, bring me all the toys you can find

Sansa made her face fall, looking down as she made herself appear wounded, hoping to get her way through guilt. 

“Fine,” Jon conceded and Sansa perked up to watch him roll his eyes to the sky. “Stop trying to guilt trip me by pouting. You’ll get your stupid storybook kiss, if you win. Which you won’t.”

“Okay!” She exclaimed. “But since you said storybook, it has to be a real kiss.”

Sansa was still replaying Ramsay’s words to her about Jon in her head even as she reached the gates of Castle Black. They were all she had to force herself onward until she found him. She had to find him. She held her breath as she rode through the gates, staring around. Was he here? Had Ramsay lied? Had Jon left and she had only just missed him? She let out her breath when she finally found his eyes, her panicked thoughts dissolving. 

She had won. 

you don’t want to grow up, you can be my partner and crime