#writing angst for agi makes me cry literally

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

This had to be asked just how Protective and smothering was Estinien after the birth of the 9th and final child. Must have caused him to become more anxious then

(References to traumatic childbirth and surgery)

Agnes Varlineau was dreading the evening she was about to spend with her husband. I shouldn't be dreading it. I love him. I...I'm just not sure if he feels the same way anymore...not after Maeva...

She and Estinien had agreed to expand their not-so-little family one last time. Though the morning sickness was bad, the rest of the pregnancy proceeded like all the others.

Except at the end. No matter how hard she pushed, Maeva simply would not come. And when she did, I bled. And bled. And bled. The healers had to take "my parts" to save me, for which I'm forever grateful. I'm so happy to be alive and be with my children...and...but he...

He barely touches me anymore. He's still a caring and loving father. I...I hope he still loves me...but he...doesn't want to touch me. He'll hold my hand every so often, but he won't pinch my ass or rub my sides or anything like how it was...

Now, five moons after Maeva's birth, Luci and Edmont surprised the couple with taking the nine children to Ishgard for a few days (Mum is always a welcome guest at Fortemps Manor) so that the couple could have alone time.

And Agnes was in tears sitting on their bed in a new dress that H'nadia, Yararu, and Purple surprised her with.

He doesn't love me anymore. He'll want someone else. He thinks I'm ugly. He thinks...he won't...

"Agi? What's the matter?" Estinien whispered, kneeling in front of her. I must not have heard or seen him come out of the shower. Oh gods. "Are you okay? If you're not feeling up to going to Kugane, we can stay here--"

"YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" She sobbed into her hands. He doesn't...he...he doesn't love me... She felt the bed sag as Estinien sat next to her and took her in his arms. Rubbing my back...just like he used...used...

"Why would you say that? I love you, my angel. I've never stopped. Shhh, it's okay, my sweet. It's okay." He pressed small kisses to her dark red hair and squeezed her. "I love you."

"T-then why h-haven't you been touching me?!?! I-I feel like we're fucking roommates!" She continued to sob.

She heard a sigh. "Because I thought perhaps my touches would be...unwelcome. You needed time to recover, and I did not wish to be a burden on you..." He trailed off and swallowed. "I-I wanted you to recover in peace. You and Maeva were so close to death. I felt as if it was my fault..."

Excuse me what?! Agnes pulled away from her husband and stared. "What?"

Tears now flowed freely down Estinien's freshly shaved cheeks. "I was the one who wanted another child. I--"

Agnes silenced him with a sweet kiss. "We made that choice together. I don't regret it at all. Our family is complete. I couldn't be happier with our children. I love you, my grumpy dragon. I love you with all my heart, but what happened is not your fault. I need you, love."

Estinien smiled ruefully and nodded, pulling his wife into his arms once more. "Aye. As I ever need you. Forgive me for these past few moons. I've so missed holding you and..."

HE PINCHED MY ASS! HE DID IT! Agnes wrinkled her nose and giggled. "You naughty man! Get dressed and let's go to Kugane, love."

Nodding, he kissed her again. And one more ass pinch! "Never ever doubt my love for you, sweetheart. It only grows each day."

She giggled. "Like my bum."

Estinien stood and laughed heartily as he grabbed his smalls. "My wife has the best ass and tits on the star!"

He was just worried about me. Didn't want to burden me? Ser, I pulled Nidhogg's ugly fucking eyes off you! "You flatterer! As if you're not handsome as well." She rose as Estinien began buttoning his shirt and lightly tapped his hand away. "I'll do it, love." She murmured, taking my sweet fucking time doing every button. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions...I should've just talked to you."

"And I should've done the same. I was so worried about you and Maeva...and the rest of the children...but full glad am I that you're all well."

Agnes could not help but smirk as she did the last button. "Maeva's a little fighter, just like her father."

"Her mother too." He whispered, tucking a lock of dark red hair behind her ear. "Shall we, my lady wife?" He offered his arm, which Agnes gladly took.

"Always, love."

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA