#writing adhd fiction while living adhd reality

[advashaviv]

My ADHD: 6 months in and you still haven't finished the post-beta-readers edit. You're worthless. Me: But… I finally finished a chapter I've been avoiding for a month! My ADHD: Yes… after a MONTH. And the rest isn't done. Worthless. Always have been. Me: But I have done things! I've raised 3 kids and homeschooled them on my own and also finished my PhD alongside it and raised 4 pets and learned 4 more languages and -- My ADHD: -- and still haven't finished that edit.

Happy ADHD Awareness Month - Don't listen to that voice! ❤️

[advashaviv]

It's certainly a struggle! Love those tips.

I try to limit nos. 1 & 2, as they're prone to become a bottomless pit for me (chocolate & sweet coffee are the main things to actually work 😁)

3 works great... when the right hyperfocus hits and I can do this!

4 is my jackpot. I use playlists of D&D ambience or cinematic music, according to the needed mood. It's an ADHD fantasy novel, so I go for fantasy moods - nothing can quite suit the ADHD mood 😁.

I also light up scented candles, keep a variety of fidget toys at hand, and try to drink as much water as I can remember.

Any other tips from other writers with ADHD?

ADHD friendly pre-writing tips from an author with ADHD

Have two beverages at your desk. One of them should be water and the other should be some kind of fun drink. My fun drink of choice is red bull, coffee, or tea.

Have a small snack. Fuel your brain.

Clean your desk. Make sure the space you're working in sets your mind at ease. You don't need to be worrying about clutter when you're trying to get your creativity flowing. When I am surrounded by little distractions, I can't focus on a single thing.

Mood music can make or break a writing session. I recommend classical, lo-fi, jazz, video game soundtracks, or any instrumental music that is a non-distraction. If anything, the music should pull you deeper into your writing rather than out of it.

Have all of your materials on hand. That means laptop, chargers, notebooks, pens, reference materials (digital or physical), and anything else you need to dive right in. Having everything right where you need it prevents your writing flow from being disrupted by searching for materials.

If your current workspace feels stagnant, find a different place to work. Sometimes the ADHD brain needs variety and novelty as a prerequisite to productivity. Work with your brain, not against it!

~Nomi

[nerves-nebula]

Idk about your intentions, and feel free to ignore me if I’m wrong, but Mikey sounds like a maladaptive daydreamer lol.

Just some background, maladaptive daydreamers use these huge fictional worlds called paracosms to escape reality. Some people do it because of anxiety or stress, but some do it as like a coping mechanism (which is how I’d see Mikey doing it based on your dissociation post) People with maladaptive daydreaming can stim while doing it, like rocking back and forth, pacing, etc, but some can master the art of being able to sit still and just daydream whenever. There’s almost an addictive aspect to it, and a lot of daydreamers have to take adhd or anxiety meds to shake it

Would Mikey stim at first but learn to stay still after Splinter lectured him too many times? Would his paracosm be the book that he’s writing about killing splinter? Idk feel free to look at this like I’m crazy but this subject is very close to my heart as I’m a daydreamer myself.

OK SO like. I don't know. and I don't know if Mikey has maladaptive daydreaming for a specific reason.

That being that I'm basing him on myself. I spent a lot (AND I DO MEAN A LOT) of my time in my head as a kid. I don't really know what a paracosm is so I'm not sure if I was exploring within them. but there are huge chunks of my childhood i really only remember via the emotional exploration I was doing inside these fictional worlds. Like most of puberty for me was just imagining gay fictional gods and forbidden love and abuse and violence and at all that. and it's hard for me to tell if that was a bad thing because it's linked to a very integral part of my personality- that being the desire to tell and experience stories.

I was always dragging around paper and pencils to draw these imagined worlds. But i was also often just sitting with my eyes closed (or sometimes opened, but closed if I wanted to really focus)

if I was painfully bored, or very anxious (which happened often, basically any time i was outside the house or not watching tv or playing a game) I would do this. If I was stuck in a car or a room while my siblings were fighting violently, I would force myself to try to only think about my characters. If the talk radio host was getting on my nerves I would try to drown him out by thinking about my characters going through their worlds and getting in fights and having sex and all that stuff.

this got even better (or worse, considering how you think of it) once I got earbuds/headphones and access to my cousins old ipod. I was finally able to fully block out the world and only, ONLY ever think of my stories. just how I'd always wanted.

and sure, I was always kind of spacey, but even when I wasn't thinking of stories and art I was bad at paying attention the way adults liked. I think adults liked me more when I was just sitting there thinking anyway, instead of being hyper and then having an emotional breakdown when i realize they thought I was annoying.

There was a particularly vibrant time for daydreaming around puberty where i had dozens if not around a hundred different intricate stories that I started to overlap, just because. And I'd go through them over and over, adding or changing little things, making up reasons that the characters would all end up living in the same bunker or fighting the same enemy. making up reasons for the god of war and his little lamb prince to be torn apart. making up reasons for them to attack each other. then forcing them back together through all the trauma.

and recalling these spaces makes me kind of shiver because they're almost like real memories to me. I remember thinking of these scenarios more than I remember my real life around 11-12 years old. And i think that's largely because after I got my blackbelt at around 11 years old, my parents let me quit karate, and didn't force me to do any more sports or anything. So for the most part I legit never left the house. My entire life was in these stories and in my art.

I really only stopped doing this once I got sent off to high school at around 13-14 and was basically FORCED to participate in the real world more.

but I did that all on purpose. i was bored, and i hated other kids because they never clicked with me. and it never seemed to interrupt my life in a way that my parents noticed or cared about. in fact it was the only thing that kept me from being actively suicidal for a while there!

so like. i don't know man. i don't know.

[frostbounddevotion]

My personal written Eulogy to Gojo and my VERY BRIEF take on the final chapter: and what I hope to share with Gojo fans.

Im grieving, and I'm upset. Theories about Gojo and the analogies, etc, make me almost mad. A possible reality i DO NOT want to think about. The more I read, the more im like

*Gege's writing needs work. Maybe a novel series on his own own time? Maybe he can "fix" it when his health is better and the pressure doesn't break him down?*

This is all so depressing. The disappointment is insurmountable. Gojo was used and abused in canon, some would even argue irl by Gege to promote the series. The fact that Gojo wasn't recognized or formally acknowledged is hard for the fans, really hard (and Gojo isn't my #1 bias/fav so please don't say it only affects Gojo stans), and it gives an air of vunerable feelings and unprocessed emotions. What makes me more upset is the very last panel. It seems like the entire journey was a waste.

Many will defend the ending, and many more will ciriticise it, but I can still acknowledge and respect why it ended the way it did while still being upset. Neither experience lives in a vacuum.

In my own little way, I'm going to mourn and commemorate Gojo's passing. Stories, fictional or not, still provide very real and (parasocial) experiences. So here we go:

Gojo was a flawed character. Very much like people in real life. We tend to romanticize the dead, overlooking our flaws. When I remember a loved one who's passed, I start with their flaws.

Gojo was an annoying, inconsiderate character who sometimes was cold and callous to other's experiences/feelings. He's a big fat inconvenience at times and generally makes others feel unimportant or small. Much hubris lies within him.

However, he had lead a very hard and selfless life from beggining to the end. From his first heartbeat to his last breath. And that should be considered when addressing his behavior. He was seen for what he can do, not for what he loved and enjoyed. His identity outside the 6 eyes and infinity was secondary. His worth in the jujutsu world came not from the relationships he could have formed, but the strength in his abilities. This experience isn't unique in the jujutsu world, as many other sorcerers walked away and tried to start their own life. But when this world and role becomes your identity and reason for your existence, it becomes even harder to escape.

I think many of us can relate to that. The burdens of our own thoughts and opinions of others can gravely impact our identity. Our beliefs, values, and sense of self worth affects the way we interact with the world around us.

Despite being used, propped up for others benefit, and his body being used as a means for an end WITHOUT even a thank you, recognition, or appreciation for the person behind it is foul. From fighting the school to protect his students,To making his life purpose for children to ENJOY their youth (and breaking cycles), to 14-21 hours of sleep a week being his life without complaint, just to be blamed of all that is wrong in jujutsu's way of life but still getting every job done, and his only semblance of an understanding relationshionship being ripped away by the world that gives you meaning.... geeze.... and this man still chooses to smile. To live everyday with that much goofy adhd energy without taking his resentment out of someone or something (*unlikegetocough*) takes STRENGTH and RESILIENCE. It takes GRACE. It takes SELFESS SACRIFICE.

These feelings are something I struggle with everyday. Gojo became a singlr parental figure to a 6 yr old boy as a teen. He took it in stride. My little boy is the same age now. My little one (FJO) is.... on the spectrum and has a cocktail disorders that make living in this world hard. He's angry. He is defiant. He is full of love and potential. Being a parent to FJO is isolating, immensely difficult, rarely rewarding, and time consuming especially in a world who doesn't respect or bother to understand him. And I have schools afraid of me because I held them accountable for not doing their job.

Parenting is complicated. You end up losing your identity, freedom, and sense of self when you do it alone with no resources. And that's for healthy parents with neurotyical children. Add the fact that the parent I were raised for being "amazing, smart, and worthwhile as long as you meet these standards that we set in place to satisfy us and thats all you're good for" to then you feel like you were robbed of your life. That you were emotionally abused by those who were supposed to love and care for you and your youth robbed for the benefit of your guardians. Only for your life to change and be robbed of your sense of self once again. My body (i am born female) is a vessel for others, my career is for the approval of others, my time and energy with about 4 hrs of asleep if given to other's, my money and savings is spent on others. I don't want my child or others to feel the way I felt when i was little, but it's hard when you remain unhealed. I was chronically bitter.

Im not saying gojo and I the same. But as someone with no blood family and role models, what i take away from Gojo is to that it's OK to have flaws, confidence, and sacrifice. Because to someone else, I am or may be their everything. In their little world, I am Gojo to them. The one who's doing it all. And for their sake, I should be smiling. I should never let FJO see how much I'm suffering (no worries I'm in therapy. I'm getting the help I need). I want to be better for him. I want to be the best version of myself I can be. It's ok that this part of my life is thankless. It's not about reward or recognition or what others placed on me. Sometimes it's just THIS WAY, and if I am to do this, I should do it well.

I will honor Gojo in the way I parent. In the way I carry myself. In the way I interact with others around me. I will protect like the vulnerable under my care like he did. Sacrifice like he did. Expect nothing like he did (in the best way possible). Do my best to break generational cycles like he did.

Gee. One more thing about his ending. The way everyone just moved on without acknowledging Gojo's body or person and almost forgotten... brought memories of my safety net; my Grandmother. Whom died and had a funeral, and i video chatted once before she was gone. I never properly finished grieving her. I never got a chance to attend her funeral. Never was able to visit her burial. (I live across the country). I cried for 2 days and moved on because losing her was too hard to process, and i had other things to do. I felt like I disrespected her, and the manga resurfaced these feelings. I was able to be self-aware enough that I saw my grandmother in how Gojo's ending was all handled. I was now able to process that.

I had no role models. All I had was anime, fiction, and some school teachers. I'm grateful for Gojo's character. May i use these stories to become a better person. A better *me*. The JJK experience was fun. :) let's see what happens in the anime community from here.

Thanks for reading,

Alex

[felixantares]

Thank you for the tag @allalrightagain 💚

Hardcover or Paperback? I'm just taking LT's answer but yes, ebook! I can use dark mode, write as many notes as I want, and something about reading on the small screen tricks my ADHD brain into thinking I'm not actually reading a whole book. To answer the actual question, paperback.

Bookstore or Library? Libraries! So many free books, and the librarians can find you pretty much anything you want! Also if I said bookstore my librarian mother would materialize behind me and end my entire existence (but my answer would be the same regardless).

Bookmark or Receipt? I mean receipt or scrap paper if I have it, but I'll be real i'm a terrible awful person who has very few issues dog-earing a page.

Standalone or Series? Typically standalone, but if a series is really good then it can win me over. All my favourites are series (Percy Jackson, Harry Potter) but I've also read so many series where I feel like the story and themes gets lost or muddled over too many books. I've had more consistent success finding well defined stories with standalones.

Nonfiction or Fiction? Oh easy, fiction. I read to escape reality, why on earth would I want to read about reality?? I mean I do like research but only with a goal in mind. Non-fiction just for the fun of it? No thanks.

Thriller or Fantasy? Fantasy, all day every day. It's the D&D obsession shining through, I think.

Under 300 Pages or Over? Over!!! I set my ao3 search functions to sort by word count and if it's under 100k I gently place it in my marked for later list for when I want a 'light easy read' 😂 I'm way more likely to be interested if you tell me a book/fic is over 250k (or however many pages that is equivalent to).

Children’s or YA? I like a few kids books for the nostalgia, but I mostly read YA.

Friends to Lovers or Enemies to Lovers? I'm giving up and just quoting LT here because I agree 100% and couldn't say it better: "Friends. Enemies can be fun too, but I love the layers when you get into friends to lovers. Enemies to friends to lovers or friends to enemies to lovers or other permutations of Messy can be even better."

Read in Bed or Read on the Couch? I mostly read on my bed because my roommate tends to keep youtube videos running on the TV while he does various crafts around the house (right now he's painting a mirror frame with really pretty flowers!) but if we're just chilling listening to music then I like the couch better. We've got about 30 plants in our living room and we can open the balcony door when it rains and it's lovely.

Read at Night or Read in the Morning? I mean, the morning is definitely safer. If I start reading at night I'll never put the book down and I won't sleep, but if I start in the morning things won't get done. It's lose-lose.

Keep Pristine or Markup? Markup. This is why I have digital books, so I can write essays in the notes section. I once had to tape a piece of paper inside my book because there wasn't enough room in the margins for my notes.

Cracked Spine or Dogear? (this part is mostly for LT but I have a copy of OotP where the spine is also cracked so bad you can't read it!! samsies!) But uhhhh both? I do try to take care of my books, but I don't have many and the ones I do have are my favourites that have survived the various purges of many moves, so they're all very beat up with cracked spines and dogears and notations everywhere 😂 I call it a sign of a well-loved book. I'm pretty sure my copy of HBP lost its cover at some point and I hot glued it back on.

Tagging: @girl-with-goats @luxuriousmalfoy @gloivy @venom0usbarbie

[advashaviv]

Oh, wow. This hits so hard.

I'm thinking of framing this over my desk for days when writing is despairing.

From Sean Thomas Dougherty's book, The Second O of Sorrow. (BOA Editions, 2018).

[advashaviv]

Today I'll finish the damn chapter.

Please hold me accountable.

[these-written-reveries]

About Me!

*I figured I would make a little post to tell y’all a bit about myself. If you’re interested, keep reading!

» Hi, I’m Kalista! I also go by Kal, or whatever other sweet name you wanna call me 🥰

» I’m 25

» My pronouns are she/her

» I identify as demisexual and lesbian/queer 🌈

I know it may be silly/confusing to hear this, considering I mostly write/post/fawn over fictional men. To sum it up: I like men in theory, not in practice.

» I have autism and adhd (audhd). This discovery about myself has opened many doors to self-acceptance that were previously locked by shame and confusion. I’m very proud of my neurodivergence!

» I am also physically disabled. I have a nice lil’ handful of chronic conditions lol. I like to laugh about it because it’s the best way to cope through the misery.

» I’m a “maladaptive daydreamer”. Have been since I was a child. Reading/writing was always a primary outlet for me to cope with and escape my reality and delve into dream worlds. Fanfiction was a huge part of that, so I’m very grateful for it.

» Music is a big inspiration for me when it comes to…just about everything. But especially my writing. I also have a very eclectic taste in music. I like at least a little bit of almost everything.

Favorite artists/bands: Lake Street Dive, Chappell Roan, Taylor Swift, Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks, Shania Twain, Anna Calvi, Ashnikko, Superknova, Sammy Rae & The Friends, Ella Fitzgerald, Laufey, Hozier, BTS, Sabrina Carpenter, Nine Inch Nails (I’m trying not to list a lot, it’s very hard 🙈)

» Some of my fav shows: Supernatural, New Girl, My Hero Academia, Stranger Things, Pose, Grace and Frankie, Ouran High School Host Club, Sherlock, Haunting of Bly Manor, Orange is the New Black, Why Women Kill

» Some of my fav movies: Howl's Moving Castle, Joker, Batman: The Dark Knight, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pirates of the Caribbean (1-3), Ratatouille, Legally Blonde (2001), Beauty and the Beast (1991), Peter Pan (2003), Princess Diaries (1 & 2)

» Brevity is not my expertise. Can you tell?

» I love rats! Had 8 of them as pets, but decided to stop caring for more due to my disabilities and busyness of life that made it hard to keep going with it. I do not intend on having kids, so I hope in the future I can get back to being a rattie mom again. I also want cats…yeah, idk how I’m gonna make that work 🤭

» I live in America…It’s not fun here, guys…😭

» I'm working on writing a novel that will likely become a series! Not sure whether I'll decide to go with a publisher or self-published yet. I am still in the early-ish stages of worldbuilding and whatnot, so I have plenty of time to figure that out! This is my dream and I’m working hard to make it happen!

» One of the reasons I am committing myself to getting back to writing and posting fics again is because I want to keep my writing skills sharp while I work on my novel. I want to learn and grow and challenge myself more to become a better and more confident writer. The other reason is because I have held myself back for so long from doing this out of fear of not being good enough. I’m quite frankly tired of holding myself back from the things I want and I’m working on healing these parts of myself. This is part of that process! So, for those who have read my fics, thank you for supporting me! I very much appreciate you! ❤️

» I’m always open to making new friends, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me -I promise I don’t bite!

I can’t really think of much else right now. Thanks for reading if you’ve made it all the way through! If you have any questions about me or wanna talk about something I wrote here, you can certainly send me an ask/message -just please be respectful, of course!

Hope you have a wonderful day/night wherever you are! 💖

[advashaviv]

Wow. That is so simple yet so powerful! Must try this for cleaning my poor neglected desk (a clean desk helps writing)!

Very serious pro tip if you struggle with cleaning due to adhd: put a fucking basket under it

If there is clutter piling up in a specific area, go through it and throw out legitimate trash and then keep the rest in the basket. It makes the space visibly neater and it also has a clear number of simple steps for the cleaning (the steps being place in basket)

I know it kinda sounds goofy, but it has been really helpful for me because those objects are going there anyways but now they are organized

[stonedregulus]

hi! hope it comes across as my genuine curiosity and expression of admiration, but how do you live your life and are so active here on tumblr and then i also saw you on twitter, i think, and then your discord servers? i know you have kids and i see you online here all the time and you post ff all the time also. i struggle so much with time management, if i'm on tumblr then nothing else gets done that day, if i'm doing sth else than no one hears from me. i can't imagine balancing kids on top of that. do you keep a daily schedule or sth? thanks and have a good day!

so i know you meant this as a compliment or whatever but this just felt so… it’s just so steeped with parent shaming. and even if you didn’t mean that, i think it’s important to talk about this and our own preconceived notions about what constitutes good parenting.

first, would you ask a work from home parent these same questions? i doubt you would. it’s just because i’m a “stay at home parent” right? if i had what is considered to be a “normal” job while working from home no one would ask me this because you would all just assume i’m doing my job and my kids are entertained somehow during the day without me.

my kids are at the age where they’re fairly self sufficient. they play alone. they play with each other. if they want a snack they get it for themselves and then ask me to open/unwrap it. if they need a drink they bring me their cup and ask for a refill. the oldest one goes potty on his own and when the youngest one needs a diaper change he brings me a diaper. when they’re tired they take naps. they get 3 hours of tv time a day which sure is more than recommended but i don’t give a flying fuck.

i do not sit and stare at my kids all day long. no stay at home parent does, no matter how old they are. there are times we play together. there are times we color together. there are times we work on learning games. there are times we build legos. there are times they attack me with lightsabers and tackle me. we play outside. we play in the play room. we go to the library, gymnastics, the grocery store, play dates with friends. we go swimming, and visit family and eat meals together. we read—like we read SO MUCH.

and in between all of that i do what I consider to be my job, which is writing. i’m working on my original fiction along with my fanfic. i draw for fun but i also have a few commissions i’m doing for real life people. i also run an etsy shop.

i know it seems like i spend a lot of time on my phone. because you see me post or reblog or comment, but in reality when i look at my screen time on my phone i spend 2 total hours on tumblr, 1 total hour on tiktok, 1 total hour on twitter a day. it seems like i’m on here a lot because i scroll quickly, reblog a bunch of shit and then disappear for a couple of hours.

all of this to say no, i do not have a schedule. i have adhd and schedules and time management do not work for me. i work when i want to, i get on social media when i want to and insinuating that i don’t spend enough time with my children because i’m too busy socializing or spending time on my hobbies and interests is hurtful to parents.

and i’m sorry, like i know you probably didn’t mean it but this is like the second message i’ve gotten recently mentioning my parenting and i’m just a bit on edge about it.

[teaandinanity]

Tag game!

Tagged by @quilleth​

Not tagging forward but mutuals are all invited to do this and say I tagged them because I love knowing useless facts about people. :D

slow burn or love at first sight // fake dating or secret dating // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt-comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut or fluff // canon-compliant or fix-it // reincarnation or character death // one-shot or multi-chapter // kid fic or road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or middle aged romance // time travel or isolated together // neighbours or roommates // sci-fi au or magic au // body swap or gender bend // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane   

and some conditional/qualification nonsense under the cut because like. Me? make a DECISION? be CONCISE? No.

slow burn or love at first sight: I actually love both of these but the second one is SO FREQUENTLY ‘welcome to Allo Nonsense O’Clock’ and I’m sorry but my aroace ass is just not here for that. I do, however, love ‘oh my god what are these feelings do I have food poisoning do I hate them WHAT IS THIS.’ Instant Feels accompanied by confusion and mortification and rage? Oh yes, love that, good shit.

fake dating or secret dating: I do not actually have super-strong feelings for either of these but the first is more likely to involve idiots in mutual pining and I LIVE for that shit.

enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers: Both of these have excellent pining potential but the first one includes more ‘and I’m ANGRY ABOUT IT’ and I do, as mentioned in the first item, LOVE that shit. Yes, please be furious about these horrible feelings while also being powerless against them. [hellmo.gif]

oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence: This was literally just because I’ve read more tasty fic with epistolary segments. The first one is good! The second one is just slightly more in line with my very niche preferences.

hurt-comfort or amnesia: I fucking LOVE hurt-comfort so almost anything else put into this bracket would be losing to it but also I just don’t really vibe with amnesia most of the time. Like, I’ll read it, it’s not a Hard No, but it’s not a plot point in any of my top ten or indeed in like... the top fifty.

fantasy au or modern au: FANTASY AU MY BELOVED but also why are modern AUs so much a thing, they’re everywhere, I filter them out and it wipes out like 1/3 of the fic for a fandom. I live in this reality because I don’t have a CHOICE why would I want to stay when fiction can instead take me to places with dragons or spaceships or magic or literally anything other than More Goddamn Capitalism????

mutual pining or domestic bliss: Mutual pining is the one thing that could have beat out hurt-comfort. This wins against literally everything. Also established relationship is another thing I usually filter out because it’s about the Yearning.

smut or fluff: Yeah I said what I said. I’m here for yearning and sometimes also for porn. Fluff does not usually contain acceptable levels of Yearning. Smut, on the other hand, is surprisingly compatible with it as long as the principles are idiots who can’t communicate.

canon-compliant or fix-it: fix it, always, I am a weak little marshmallow and canon likes to kill my faves.

reincarnation or character death: Neither of these is My Jam but if they have to die at least they don’t have to STAY DEAD okay?

one-shot or multi-chapter: porque no los dos? But also if we’re talking about writing it’s 100% one-shot because I’m an ADHD disaster gremlin.

kid fic or road trip fic: Honesty time my first impulse was ‘eh, neither?’ And then I remembered that I love road trip fic actually it’s just that my favorite settings do not have CARS. Travel is great! Travel stories are great! Reality is boring and I would prefer not to be here!

arranged marriage or accidental marriage: Okay TECHNICALLY I think arranged wins this but I don’t really go in for the traditional ‘they’ve never met before and other people are forcing the issue’ thing that the term usually signifies. At the same time, I can enjoy an accidental marriage thing if it’s not a farce but that’s ALSO usually not what people mean. So I’m not picking one because if we’re going by The Usual Meanings I tend to actively avoid both. If you’re wondering what the fuck I’m talking about I was trying to decide if I’m too ashamed to explain myself but then I realized you had to click under a cut and then keep reading after I was like ‘porn > fluff’ so you know what you’re in for and the answer is ‘I enjoy a good warprize fic because I am a trash panda who deserves to live in the dumpster.’ I don’t like strangers making them get married. I like one of them making them get married and probably the marriage goes unconsumated for ages and they fall in love and neither realizes the other has feelings and-- yeah.

high school romance or middle aged romance: What do you want from me here, you can fit SO much more yearning into several decades than you can into several years. See also: my conviction that Persuasion is the best Austen novel.

time travel or isolated together: Both of these can be Good Shit, but time travel wins it by a smidge because Isolated Together can feel like what is actually happening is they are breaking under psychological torture and like. I would prefer they have actual feelings. I say this as someone who loves a good fictional codependent relationship; they still need to talk to other people sometimes.

neighbours or roommates: I was all ‘I don’t care whatever’ and then I remembered that Carry On exists and went ‘oh right, I do in fact care; roommates.’

sci-fi au or magic au: magicmagicmagicMAGIC--

body swap or gender bend: I love the ‘I’m desperately trying to be respectful and it’s weird to check out the body I’m in but ALSO--’ Like, it can get stupid if they’re trying to hide it for whatever reason (I swear I have a sense of humor it’s just that I also get CRIPPLING SECOND-HAND EMBARRASSMENT from like, everything in the universe), but it can be pretty great when handled well.

angst or crack: My entire fic preference can be summed up by that ‘I want them to fall SO far and then land on something soft’ thing someone said which I cannot find because google’s algorithm no longer actually tries to find you what you ask for and instead tries to anticipate your wants which is hard to do with me because I don’t know what’s going on in my head 90% of the time. Anyway. Angst. I can very occasionally be in the mood for crack but usually that’s a No.

apocalyptic or mundane: See: my answer to fantasy or modern. I do not like reality and I only live here because the emigration options fucking SUCK.

[autumnslance]

I've got a writing question that's been on my mind for a while: how do you keep your OCs from becoming self inserts? Every time I think of developing an OC I realize that it's attributes that I

Oops, you got cut off! But in general: all your OCs are going to have traits of yours; it’s inevitable. Sometimes big things, sometimes small things. It’s how we relate to them, and also just natural, I promise. We write what we know, and we know how we interact with ourselves and the world.

But there is a difference between sharing some traits with a character and making them a self-insert. It’s letting their life, their community and culture, their experiences, also influence their traits and thinking, in ways that might be different from how you would respond in a similar situation. Even if you share those attributes.

This is me so let’s go behind a cut shall we?

Dark Autumn is as introverted and solitary by nature as I am; she can and does interact in professional and friendly ways with people (as I try to do), but needs alone time to recharge. However, Dark also has a very different outlook and relationship with her family than I, since her family is large and supportive, very close knit. If family is a lottery, I got the $50 scratch off prize while she hit the Mega-Millions. So I take that into account when thinking of her relationships not just with family, but with friends and potential romantic interests; Dark sees things through a lens of positive, low-drama familial relationships that I can barely fathom. This also means she has a support network and resources myself and other characters don’t, so gets some wish fulfillment of working through issues with care and grace instead of remaining in unhealthy places. She is my “comfort OC” so gets a lot of good things I wish I had—which shapes how she responds to others, like taking care of a FCmate and becoming something of a big sister figure for him, or the responsible older sister figure of my group of OCs. Which is me, really, idealizing my own older sister tendencies into this giant woman who’s better at it.

Aeryn was written to be on the ace scale; not my first character to be so, but the first written that way as I began to realize where my own orientations lie and wanting to examine that through fiction. That she fell for a certain rogue in the process of playing through MSQ again was not at all intentional. I like Thancred as a character—he hits a lot of tropes I enjoy—but in my own mindset, he’s a frustrating younger brother. I didn’t think I’d do NPC x WoL shipping. But there it is, because in determining Aeryn’s own experiences and how those shaped her, it ended up working out that way (and I spent the better part of 2 years writing the characters separately to figure that out and if it could work before writing them together because it’s not something that comes naturally to me).

Aeryn’s internal anger is something I have a difficult time with; it’s outside my own nature to carry things like that. I have my angers, certainly, but they are different from hers. I tend to need a lot to set me off and then it burns out hot and quick. Aeryn’s more of a long boil she keeps bottled up. I’ve gotten a few things through various fics, I think, but it’s why I do things like reference arguments but rarely depict them. Being non-confrontational myself (I’m meek and have hangups thanks to my own life) it’s a challenge. Aeryn responded to childhood traumas (that I never dealt with), bullying (that I did), losses (that I haven’t yet), and the responsibility she’s been given (thank goodness I don’t) far differently than I. Maybe I’d be more volatile, too, if I had her life. But I understand where her anger comes from sharing some of the reasons, I just shape it differently than my own.

There’s a lot of things about Dark and Aeryn that are accidentally similar, just due to the timing of their character generation and other RP OCs made for other games along the way; “Oh I haven’t done X or Y in a character in awhile” sort of thing, but how each approaches those similarities and why—their quietness, their issues with using magic, their tendency to “adopt” others as family—all come from different places and resolve differently, too.

C’oretta comes from a part of me that doesn’t quite want to grow up. That wishes I had been more of the peppy, active, cheerful, risk-taking, live it up stereotypical party kid, that “popular girl” archetype I felt so often on the outside looking in about. As my second character, I wanted her to be different from Dark Autumn—visually, emotionally, mentally. Where Dark is steady, C’oretta is flighty. While Dark is people oriented, C’oretta’s a bit selfish (like I often feel). Dark’s introverted, C’oretta’s extroverted. Much of C’oretta’s attitude is a deflection against the hurts in her life, a way to fight back against some terrible things. It’s a way I could never react. But I also can’t get away from a character who loves to learn and wants to try new things—but where other characters gain the ability to stick with and see them through, C’oretta gets my easy frustration and boredom, and then the “ooh shiny” of a new interest. There’s a history of ADHD (or whatever the acronyms are now) and even autism and learning issues in my family; it’s possible I have some undiagnosed ND stuff going on, and people have noted these things in C’oretta that I’ve based on my own experiences and those of people very close to me.

Many of my characters have traits I wish I had, or were better at; patience, kindness, consideration, convictions, courage, thoughtfulness, and so on and etc. They’re good at skills I haven’t the knowledge in, or the ability to do. They’re certainly more active than I am, or could be! Because I can take the time to think and plan and research and write those things out better, and just maybe along the way not only learn something myself, but try to practice it better myself. I can even sometimes let them teach me what I can possibly do or be, not just imagine it as an ideal that’s out of reach.

I try to let my characters make mistakes I wouldn’t—or in some cases, have in my past, and that’s OK. Especially if I learned from them, but maybe the character does not. Maybe they do but it takes awhile, or repeated instances until it sinks in. Maybe I let them make errors I still make, as a way to puzzle out better solutions I should probably entertain for myself.

Character voice is something I’ve felt I struggled with in keeping my OCs distinct. Do characters ‘sound’ alike, in dialogue and prose? Having distinct ways of speaking helps; C’oretta’s breathless chatty run-ons are certainly different from Dark and Aeryn’s quieter tendencies. I have to remember to trim down Aeryn’s dialogue more often, say less aloud, add more gestures and facial expressions. I tend to be a talker, an over-explainer (if you can’t tell), while the only times she gets like that are specific. Dark’s somewhere in the middle of those two, like I am. A lot of the reason I like writing NPCs and try to keep them close to my interpretation of canon is to practice distinct character voice to get better at it in my OCs, so they don’t sound like me!

And something I’ve never admitted to before is that I think for me, it helps that from the time I was a kid watching various series of Star Trek, I always have had an in-my-own-head-only self-insert. She’s always a support character (that’s what I’m best at). She has cool and unusual abilities to help the actual heroes, cuz heck it’s my internal fantasy and that’s fun. She has traits I want to be better at or wish I had, developed over time with more energy and focus than I can actually muster in reality. As time’s gone on, she’s become more of a mentor and Mom Friend as I’m now older and see a lot of protagonist characters as “my kids” now. She appears in nearly every story I’ve loved over time, in one iteration or another. And because I have a headspace character where I can say “this is what I, ideally, would say and do and be capable of in this situation…” My other characters that I actually write about can vary between doing something similar (if it suits them) to doing something completely different (cuz darn kids never listen) as I can compare them to the self-insert and decide where to diverge.

So it’s a mix of myself and my traits and knowledge, but taking into account how each character would respond and use those same attributes differently than I do or would. Write what you know, write who you are—and then add in some wish fulfillment, some what ifs, some bad choices, some good choices, and shake things up. Give the characters tics and tricks different from yourself and let that shape them, too, by remembering to take those things into account (even if you have to tape a note to your monitor).

And finally, don’t be ashamed of your self-inserts; I’ve known some great characters that started as self-inserts and grew, through their experiences, into wholly different people than their writers over time. Heck, the epic romance my original WoW priest was part of was with a character that started as a self-insert; his player began the game knowing nothing of the lore or roleplaying, but as he learned the story and how to RP, and determined how his character fit into the world and how that shaped him, the character diverged over time, while still sharing some key traits (some endearing, some frustrating, as people are and all part of that friend). It’s not a bad starting point at all. The rest can come over time and practice, especially if you make a lot of OCs and try to make them different from each other while also being aspects of yourself.

[advashaviv]

Tom, Alice and George - three teen siblings with ADHD - find a portal to a fantasy world related to ADHD, in which apparently they should do something. Or not. they can't really recall what they heard, it was hard to focus. Oh wait, there's their mom, too. And a strange duck. Two. Some octopus kid who can't control her arms, and a giant red herring made of playdough with bits falling off. Why is there a cat here that looks like their own, but grumpier and talking? And what was I talking about?

Oh right! The Ant and the Grasshopper. Turns out the latter has ADHD and a creative career. And if Ant can't appreciate that, too bad. He's got a concert to run to.

Happy STS! Please summarize your WIP in the worst way you possibly could.

[shadowfae]

And ugh, thanks for the reminder about why i blocked NH even though my mind has changed on reality shifting. Quit trying to police communities you know fucking nothing about jackass

NH is... They’re good at doing research, yeah. And if a spell goes wrong they’re pretty good at troubleshooting. And they’re good if you’re thieving book recommendations to read later. But every take they’ve ever had towards fiction or any sort of new age spirituality is so utterly shit it’s not even funny.

Like, someone jokingly said they reality-shifted to a universe of NH’s novel (Amber Skies, haven’t read it) and NH took really badly to it. Had someone done that to me, I’d go “good help me and my mate write this thing”. They cannot understand, for whatever reason, that fiction and reality aren’t so cut and dry. Which is frankly ridiculous considering how I’ve always found mortal magic to work.

That and the rampant misogyny they keep spewing out. I doubt they realize it, but when you’re advocating for minorities, you shouldn’t shit on slightly-less-oppressed minorities while you’re at it. They shit on the Snapewives so much just for being weird when it’s really, really obvious that they did what they did because the culture at the time did not allow them to have control over any part of their sex lives. You know, a major reason why fic is so prevalent and why AO3 exists.

But the Snapewives were never doing anything wrong. They were just weird. Which I think makes NH’s balls stronger than fucking steel to be criticizing them the way they do. Like, we get it, you enjoy jacking off to making fun of women being weird while claiming to be an ally.

They also shit on otherkin and fictionkin a lot, not always in words but the implication is obvious. If they really wanted, I could clear that up, but you know, why bother doing research if it isn’t an anon telling you you’re wrong? (They also shit on DID systems until they were screamed at by their followers, because reading anything about it is too hard. They’ll read Agrippa and all sorts of occult books and not bother to read some intro psychiatry articles, I guess?)

Actually, that brings us back to starseeds. Starseeds are ‘clearly’ only existent as a concept because parents couldn’t handle neurodivergent kids, but DID systems are all make-believe? Talk about balls of steel.

Every time someone brings up indigo children and starseeds, I think back to that one poor sap who wasn’t actually the Native American (forgive me I don’t remember which tribe) W-creature-that-I-won’t-name but was actually the bastardized version of it in media and didn’t know what to call it. They weren’t a true W-creature, they were the sensationalized version. Almost every single starseed / indigo child I’ve ever met was basically that. The concept of both were hippie-parents not dealing with their neurodivergent kids (and I don’t want to get into hippies because honestly I only know the negative stereotypes, but the concept seems cool enough?), but that doesn’t mean people can’t honestly identify deeply and inherently with the concepts.

There was also the opinion NH shared about being an empath and they were very bluntly “That’s a trauma response, I won’t spiritualize that” and while that’s cool to have as a personal opinion, it is deeply fucking rude to tell an empath that they can’t spiritualize their own empath capabilities. I mean, it seems to me that if you are an empath doing witchcraft, you should be figuring out what that means for you in your practice specifically because it’s a magnet for energy and you have to know how to account for that. My ADHD-adjacent mess (as I’m still not sure exactly what it is) is probably the only thing that made me capable of understanding the Chaotic hivemind I spent several years in. It may not have stemmed from spirituality, but it’s sure as hell a part of it.

NH is very insistent on things being clear-cut and in boxes, unable to mix. And as someone who sees things in a thousand shades of gray and colours, that is so bullshit it’s not even funny.

I’ll follow them to steal book recommendations, and when they shit on otherkin I’ll correct them in the notes knowing they’ll never see it, but someone browsing the notes might. I don’t expect to change their mind, and I don’t care to. But I will admit, having opinions around that I disagree with so vehemently makes my own opinions stronger and easier to defend, because I understand them that much better.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

Understanding and acceptance: a short story consisting of things that actually happened

[A/N: I was on the phone with my mum and she told me that I seem to be in a creative mood and that I should write something. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and share a personal story while also writing it as if it’s fiction. So here goes.]

Word count: 2K

-- 2 weeks ago --

It’s a quiet Saturday evening. My brother Max and I are walking home together, deep in conversation. I have no memory of what the conversation had been about when it started, but I do remember that it somehow got to this:

‘...all this assuming you’re straight, of course, and I’m not assuming anything--’

‘What does being straight mean?’ Max says in a tone that tells me he genuinely doesn’t know. So I feel obligated to explain it in the simplest terms possible. ‘Well, in your case it would mean that you, a boy, like girls.’

‘Well, that’s the normal thing for any person!’ He nearly cuts me off with this. I calculate my next step carefully.

‘Not every person,’ I say, keeping my voice as calm as possible. ‘I’m not straight.’ Of course, he knows that. I came out to my whole family at once three years ago, hoping for the awkward discussions to be over with that. It hasn’t worked out quite as I envisioned it yet.

‘Yeah, but you’re not normal either,’ Max parries. Can’t argue with that. Lucky for me, that is when we reach the front door and each one goes off to mind their own business.

I know very well just how ‘not normal’ I am. Not in that cliche ‘I’m not like other girls’ way, but in a way that causes Bulgarians undereducated on mental health and identity labels (which is unfortunately most people over 30) to brand a person clinically insane, unstable, a threat to the Traditional Bulgarian Family™. Being aroace and having severe social anxiety and ADHD to top it off, I hardly classify as ‘normal’. This is a frequent cause for arguments at the dinner table at home, most of which end in a. tears and/ or a panic attack on my part, b. my father storming off and pretending to be asleep whenever someone goes to call him back to dinner, c. my brother gluing himself to his phone, leaving his plate half-untouched, d. my mother crying over ‘what kind of mother am I that I can’t even have my family together at the table once’, and usually e. all of the above. 

For this scenario to play out, however, the whole family of four is required to be present. So fortunately it only happens every other weekend when Dad and I come back home from the capital, where we have been living for the better part of three years now, ever since he got promoted and I started uni. When I’m away from my loving but over-controlling mum and my brother, who seemed to become obnoxious overnight the moment he turned 13 a little over a year ago, I usually have significantly fewer reasons to cry or feel anxious about... you name it. So we do fine. For the most part.

-- this evening --

I am watching Joe and Frankie’s performance of A Whole New World for the thousandth time today when I get a text from Mum.

Mum: How’s my girl doing?

Mum: I haven’t been able to hear from you with all the fuss about your brother.

Max is at that point in his education where he’s applying for high schools. His exam results have just come in and now everyone in the family is stressing about whether his scores will be enough to get him into the school he wants to go to. It’s a big deal, but with all the Rodfini magic going on (and with how terribly behind I am on my internship assignment) I have just been completely unable to care.

Speaking of Rodfini and A Whole New World, I have been repressing the instinctive urge to send my mum the video all day, and when I get her texts, I almost nearly muster up the courage to do it. But between me and her, this is not something you do over text. So I give her a ring instead. 

When she picks up, the sound of her voice combined with the anxiety over what I want to tell her makes me tear up and the words are stuck in my throat. 

‘Erm-- Mum, can I tell you something?’ I say, still not sure if I’m not about to regret taking up the subject at all.

‘Dear, you know you can tell me anything,’ she says, sounding concerned at my obviously-trying-to-swallow-tears voice.

‘You mean it?’ I ask, listening to her tone to make sure. I wish I could read tones better. ‘Anything?’

‘Is something wrong, honey?’ Oh gods, she’s in a really benevolent mood. I grow more and more afraid of ruining that with my ‘obsession with gays’. 

‘Erm, so I guess you should know Dad and I had the tiniest disagreement just now,’ I say, deciding last minute to start with something she might deem ‘more relevant to the family’s personal lives’. ‘You know, we were watching the Euros and then the match ended and we watched the news, and then Dad changed the channel so he could watch the next match. And I was like ‘whoa, what’s with the video quality’, and so dad was like ‘you really need go get your eyes checked out’; and I tried to explain that there was a very obvious difference in quality between the two channels, and he kept yelling at me that I was ruining my eyesight spending all day staring at a screen.’

‘Did he sound annoyed or just concerned?’ Mum asks me.

‘I know what you’re thinking. And I know full well that he’s my parent and he’s concerned about my health. But you should have heard his tone.’

‘So are you two in a fight now?’

‘No. Well, I don’t know.’ I really don’t. It’s hard to tell when one side of the argument refuses to talk about his feelings as if that will kill him. But I don’t tell Mum that. She’s been dealing with Dad since long before I was even planned, so she knows him better than I do. ‘The thing is, he called me back and said that, well, one of the channels was HD and the other was not, so there was indeed a difference, but he thought it was ‘unnatural’ that I was able to register it so immediately, and he kept insisting there was something wrong with my eyes. I should think that seeing something quickly would be a sign of good vision, not bad. Besides,’ I keep talking, nearly  desperate to justify myself, ‘I did some research and sensitivity to light is a symptom of ADHD. So it’s nothing new, really.’

‘Oh, please, dear. You’re of a new generation, and ADHD is something of the older generation. Don’t be so quick to self-diagnose.’

I guess there’s some reason to what she says, or at least the last part of it, so I give up on pursuing the subject further. ‘Yeah, anyway,’ I say, ‘I just thought it was all a bit rich coming from the man who refuses to wear his prescription glasses. I haven’t got any prescription glasses, you know.’

I don’t want to come off too cheeky because I still want to try and talk to her about how happy Rodfini have made me today. A while ago, Mum would accuse me of only calling her to complain when I was unhappy, so I have since made it a point to call her when I am happy and tell her so. That’s why I’ve been itching to share this with her. And now the time has come.

‘You know, I’ve been crying in a completely different way today,’ I begin tentatively. ‘A good way, A really, really good way,’ I add quickly before she can get worried again.

‘Yeah? So what was it that made you so happy that you cried?’ Goodness, there’s no turning back now. I decide to proceed with caution.

‘Oh, well, it was this performance, you know. A really beautiful song. So I’ve been wanting to show it to you, but I was worried about how you’d react.’

‘And why would that be?’ she asks in the same kind tone that keeps making me anxious about potentially ruining everything.

‘Well, erm...’ I feel myself start to stutter. ‘See, it’s a love song, and it’s... ok, I’ll just say it. It’s sung by two guys. As in, a couple, you see.’ I keep feeling up the ground with my words, anxious to hear her reaction. It’s like when I’m opening an exam result -- I want to know, but I’m too scared to look. And so now, in my anxious despair to know what she thinks about it, I miss the beginning of her response. ‘And I know how you are about those things, so I...’ I genuinely don’t know what to say. I’ve done my thing again. I’ve kept talking so much that she hasn’t even been able to react audibly. So I trail off, determined to let her speak this time.

‘Ok, but... why do you get so affected by those things?’ Mum says, starting to sound suspiciously like she’s about to question my own orientation again. I feel the need to justify myself for the second time since the conversation has started.

‘Well, it’s just that... I really wish you would just see them, Mum. If you could just see how they look at each other, you’d see that there’s just love. So much love. And joy at being able to express themselves as they are.’

I’m speaking from the heart now. I am finally letting out how much I want her to give them a chance because she deserves to see and hear their magical performance. She must be sensing the anguished sincerity in my voice as I finally manage to stop crying and I smile through the tears, because she says, ‘Dear, are you... are you trying to tell me something there?’

I sigh. She’s asked me this question nearly every time I’ve started speaking ‘too’ passionately about anything LGBTQ+ Which isn’t an awful lot in her presence, but there have been several occasions. Once about Solangelo, at the beach. Once about NPH and his husband David and their children, at the dinner table, as I was trying to explain how same-sex couples can have kids; that one resulted in a seriously bad scene of the type I described earlier. Once about a participant in a reality show who identified as a gay man then, but has recently come out as a trans woman; whenever she’s been mentioned on television, I’ve fought to repress my inner urge to express my happiness for her and the representation she is for the Bulgarian LGBTQ+ community. I wonder even now if my parents have noticed my silence on the subject -- because they certainly do notice when I am not silent.

So now, when the time seems to have come for me to set things straight about my non-straight-ness (bad pun very much intended), I try my best to keep my voice from shaking. ‘I’m not trying to tell you anything I haven’t already told you, Mum. Really.’

‘Are you perhaps attracted to the same gender, dear?’ It seems so unbelievable that she’s said it, and even more that she’s worded like that, but she really has. I force myself to be calm and patient.

‘No, Mum. I’ve told you -- I am not attracted to any gender, be it male, female or anything else, really. You know that.’

‘Well, it sounded as if you--’

‘No, Mum. Really. But I do need you to understand that part of my identity is that I feel the need to support people with other identities different from straight. I’m happy for their successes. I'm concerned about their issues. They’re a sort of family to me. Do you understand that?’ I say, relieved to be speaking my truth at last. At the same time, I try to sound as reasonable and mature about the whole thing as possible. I don’t want to put her off, especially not now that I’m knee-deep in the subject already. I’ve gone too far to turn back now.

‘Yes, honey. Yes, I do. I just don’t want you to exert yourself emotionally, is all. Plus I’ve been so stressed out about your brother and all, you know...’

‘Yeah, I do know. And I know he’ll be fine. He’s a nice boy. I just wished he didn’t keep calling me ‘abnormal’ all the time...’

‘Oh, well, don’t listen to him. He’s been quite stressed out too. And he’s 14. It’s just how he is at this age.’

I’m not too sure about that. ‘Boys will be boys’. It’s ok for boys, then, to pour salt into their neurodivergent sisters’ wounds? I don’t think so. But I can’t fix every problem in one talk. Plus my mum sounds tired now.

So I just say, ‘I guess... Well, anyway, thank you so much, Mum. For hearing me out, and for supporting me, and for everything else. Please don’t worry so much.’

But I know she can’t not worry at all. I’ve got that from her.

‘If you’re sure you’re all ok now, dear...’

‘Yeah, mum, I am. Or I will be. You know, there’s this expression with English, ‘to run with something’. So I’ve been telling myself, I’ll at least try to walk with things. You know I’m not much of a runner anyway.’ I actually laugh, even though the pun is quite untranslatable into Bulgarian.

‘You know I’m proud of you, right?’

I know that has very little to do with the kind of pride I’ve been celebrating all month, but I say, ‘Of course I do. And you know what? I’m quite proud of myself, too.’ I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I mean it. I mean it wholeheartedly this time.

‘I’m nearly falling asleep, though, dear, so I say we call it a night?’

‘Good night, Mummy. And thanks.’

I hang up. Then I forward the video to her.

I’ve come so far, indeed. I reckon we both have.

[advashaviv]

Thanks for the tag @wild-raven-and-crow-favorites! ❤️

Mostly working on my never-ending novel, with occasional side-quests for "magnet stories".

I might have taken on more projects simultaneously if I hadn't had my hands full with the overwhelming number of tasks a self-publishing author faces... final edits for this ONE book are far more than enough as it is! 😅

Day Seven, switching projects today for some fresh inspiration and dopamine.

Are you working on just one project or do you balance a few at a time?