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esoteric-joke · 5 months ago

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Interview with Darling28

(#Interview1)

Welcome to the first interview of The Dear Writer Project and a massive thank you to the wonderful Darling28 for being so supportive of this whole idea since the beginning!

Darling28 about her writing process, her inspirations, her experiences with writers block and her future plans on writing:

What does your writing process usually look like and is it always kind of the same for every story you’ve written?

Oh interesting question. It's usually the case that ideas come from the simplest things and suddenly a complete plot is in my head within minutes or sometimes even seconds. At least the rough outline. Apart from that, my characters often like to take the plot for themselves and I just watch in amazement at what they let me write. I often suffer as much as the reader when I write because I let it flow out of me and often don't know what to expect. Most of the time, though, I have a specific scene in mind in the beginning, often for the middle of the story, and I can hardly wait until I finally get to the point where I can write it. The end of a story quite often involves a marriage proposal, I realise, even if I don't always intend to, but Louis and Harry in my stories are very stubborn about it.

But other than that, my writing process is pretty simple: get excited about a new idea, start writing immediately, often at a speed that makes my betas despair and end up questioning the whole story until I reread it myself and suddenly love it.

Do you have any sort of structured writing plan before you start writing or do you just write what comes to mind?

I'm absolutely far from structured. I have the problem that my best ideas about what to write next come to me when I'm driving and I have to memorise whole conversations or scenes for the rest of the journey. As soon as I've parked, I write it down as a note. But there's really nothing more than these few notes, no mood board or major characterisations, I just let myself go with the flow. I also think that would take some of the fun out of it for me personally, I love getting to know my characters over the course of the story and I don't want to plan everything in detail beforehand.

You said before that you write a lot, especially after you’ve got a new idea in mind. How much time do you invest in writing in your day to day life?

I actually write every day and usually around 3-4k. I think it takes about 3 hours of my time, but that's really just a rough estimate. I usually write already in the morning at breakfast before I have to go to work and then spread the rest over the afternoon and evening.

Our Souls Intertwined is your longest work at the moment. Was it also the one you wrote the longest on?

Our Souls Intertwined… I wrote this story together with freakingmeout and we took turns writing chapters, each of us wrote one character. Despite the length, I don't think we really needed much time to finish it because the other author is just as fast as I am at writing and often each of us had finished a chapter within a day. It was perhaps a little worrying in hindsight haha.

If it wasn’t Our Souls Intertwined, what work of yours did take you the longest?

Oh wow I think you've got me now and I can't give you an answer off the top of my head.

I'm guessing it might be Calm after the storm because that's my longest story that I wrote on my own. So it makes sense that it probably took me the longest to write.

But when I think about it, it could also be the current one I'm writing that hasn't been published yet. My last few weeks haven't been easy for personal reasons and I haven't had time to write and everything has stalled. I just started writing again a few days ago and am catching up.

She also told me that she sometimes drives her betas crazy with the amount and pace that she writes. On some Sundays she writes all day and sometimes feels a bit empty inside afterwards, she admitted.

What work of yours did come together the fastest?

I would say Men are shit. This story practically wrote itself and I could just let my thoughts, which I put into the story as Louis’, run free and didn't have to think about them any further. It was a great experience and I love this Louis so much!

Do you finish writing the story completely before you start publishing or do you start publishing whenever you finished a chapter?

For my first stories, I posted while I was writing. So I finished a chapter, had it proofread and then published it.

However, my only beta at the time had of course her own life and sometimes couldn't keep up with the speed at which I wanted to update again.

So at some point I started to finish writing and only then published it.

What worked better for you, personally?

Both definitely have their pros and cons. But I really liked publishing in the writing process. You get immediate feedback on what you've written, sometimes even ideas for the rest of the plot from readers' comments.

However, it would have stressed me out a lot, like in my situation the last few weeks where I couldn't write anything and had to make the reader wait for updates.

What inspires you in your day to day life the most?

The story often comes to me really quite by chance, mostly inspired by songs, not so much by the lyrics but by the feelings they convey, what lies between the lines.

Did you ever have a writers block and what helped you out of it / What do you do if you feel unmotivated?

Yes, I've had a writers block for the last few months and I've missed writing so much. But there's no point forcing yourself and for me it was best to wait until it felt right again. Before that, I didn't have anything like that as far as I can remember. Sometimes I just didn't know what to write next and got a bit stuck, but my advice here is: just start writing. Don't think, just do it.

And if I'm just unmotivated then I leave it for the day because I know it'll be definitely easier the next one.

What do you find most stressful/annoying/repetitive in the process of writing a story?

For me it's the hardest thing to end the story because then I'm usually so connected to the characters that it feels like saying goodbye to a dear friend every time and I'm actually really sad.

Oh and one thing that really frustrates me is that my Louis and Harry very often crash the chapter with sex. I love writing smut but sometimes they overdo it (okay it amuses me a bit too).

Darling28 also told me, that one of her favourite phases in writing a story is the getting-to-know-each-other phase. She said that she loves it because that’s when she feels like the characters come to life and the tension between them grows.

Can you tell me something about any future projects you’re working on?

I'm happy to tell you about future projects!

In addition to my many ideas for stories that I haven't started yet, I'm currently writing four open ones. Two with other authors and two of my very own. I hope that I will soon be able to present the readers with something new from me, because for me it is always the best thing to finally be able to share my work with the fandom.

For the next part of the interview, I asked Darling28 more specific questions about her works.

What work of yours is your personal favourite?

It's really difficult to name THE one. But I'll go with the three that come to my mind first, okay?

Calm after the storm, because I love their love in this story and I felt for both of them while writing it. It still touches me today.

Men are shit, because Louis is just chaos but so sweet at the same time. I loved describing his ADHD brain, letting his mind run wild. I wanted to give neurospicy people a story in which they can find themselves and feel understood.

True Colours, because I wrote this story for my friend and beta who wanted me to make Harry really suffer as it's usually Louis in my stories who has to go through everything horrible. I love the development of the two of them in this story. They heal together and I don't think there's anything better.

What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who isn’t familiar with your works and why?

I think that would be Paparazzi. That's the most popular one of mine and it contains a bit of everything but it's not as extremely angsty as others that I wrote. A bit of enemies to lovers, gay awakening, smut, fluff - what more could you want?

A lot of your works are based around complicated and complex topics like having a bad relationship with your parents, mental health issues and homelessness and everything that comes along with it. Why do you specifically choose to write about those topics?

I love the drama and the big emotions.

But also because none of our lives are perfect. Everyone has their own struggles and their own traumas and I love picking up on that. It especially touches me when readers find themselves in it, feel understood and heard. I think for some it's some kind of validation. It's wonderful to turn something very sad into something very good. As much as I love the drama, I also love the happy ending.

And of course it's also free therapy in a way. There's always a part of me in most stories.

The Magic Within You is your only story, that doesn’t really have any of those topics (besides of Louis’ tendencies to panic quickly). Why did you want to write something so different to your usual writing style?

The Magic Within You is a pure, cheesy Christmas story that was set up like an advent calendar when I posted it, but I think it can be read very well throughout the year.

I always find Christmas a difficult time of the year myself. Lots of people come together and I'm often overwhelmed. I especially wanted to give people who might feel the same way a cute story, offer some distraction and sweeten the day. I hope I succeeded.

By the way, I love how you mentioned the panicky side of Louis. So adorable.

Is something like an advent calendar planned for this christmas season too or was it a one-time thing for you?

No, I haven't planned another one, but never say never. Maybe I'll suddenly get an idea in October and start writing like crazy.

Actually, a sequel to The Magic Within You was planned for this summer but unfortunately I couldn't do that for personal reasons that I had already mentioned. But I definitely want to publish the sequel next year!

You wrote Our Souls Intertwined and Bring me to life with freakingmeout. How did that go?

Oh it's a totally interesting experience because here too we only had the rough plot, but because everyone wrote their character in alternating chapters it was always exciting for the other to see what would happen in the chapter of the other. Sometimes I sat there shocked or totally amused and had to think about how I was going to live through certain situations with my character. It's definitely anything but boring and you experience it as an author as well as a reader.

When I asked her if it feels like a roleplay kind of thing she actually confirmed that it does sometimes feel like exactly that.

Paparazzi is your most popular work. Why do you think this one in particular got the most attention?

I have absolutely no idea why Paprazzi is the most popular one. I often ask myself that but maybe it's really because it's not such a heavy one? But instead of looking for answers, I prefer to be happy that so many people like it.

Is there a work of yours that you’d like to get the attention that Paparazzi got or just more attention in general?

Oh yes, definitely. In my personal opinion, Holding On To Heartache has far too little attention. I know where it comes from, or rather I suspect that the tag 'suicide attempt' puts a lot of people off, but I still think it's worth reading. You can always expect a happy ending with my stories.

Is there a work of yours that you wouldn’t publish again in hindsight?

I must confess that I have already deleted my very first story. And I know that my betas and friends will kill me if they read this now. Because they kept stopping me every time I had a crisis about this story but I did it nontheless one day. I guess my secret is out now... oops. If you read this, please don't be mad!

But I'm actually thinking about revising it and publishing it again at some point.

Are there any characters in one of your stories that are inspired by people or animals you know in real life?

Yes... Bree in 'Paparazzi' is my friend and beta. But I don't think I realised until the later chapters that I was using her as a role model for this absolutely wonderful character.

For the last part of the interview, I asked Darling28 some personal questions that are more about the fandom and less about her experiences with writing.

Since when are you in the fandom and what made you become a part of it?

I am a Lockdown-Larrie haha. I was watching Tik Tok videos out of sheer boredom like probably so many others and suddenly a video with two guys popped up. It's this one where Harry is sitting on the armchair, Louis is sitting on the armrest while Harry is looking up at Louis, absolutely enamoured. I was just sitting there and I remember thinking: who the hell are these two guys that are so in love?

I read through the comments and searched the web for more informations. After that, my days were filled with watching all the YouTube videos and then making a Twitter account. I was absolutely down the rabbit hole and I don't regret it one day. At first I was in the lane of LHH (I mean, come on, just look at him) but then I listened to Louis music and he got my number 1 and never lost rank again. Also, the song Just hold on saved me, the lockdown was not a good time for my mental health.

Your favourite Louis and Harry Era?

LHH forever. If I had enough money I would bribe him to let them grow long again. Although I'd have to meet him first. My plan isn't finalised yet as you can see but yeah... I think you know now how serious I am, haha.

And Louis... Hedgehog and FITF. I just love when his hair is fluffy.

Your favourite movie H starred in?

My Policeman. Damn, I was broken after watching it but it's so good.

Who’s your favourite writer in the fandom at the moment?

One of my favourite authors is BoosBabycakes. I especially love their a/b/o stories!

And your all-time favourite fic in the fandom?

Oh, that's really difficult. There are too many good ones and I really need to think about it for a moment. But I would like to name a story that is not one of the fandom's always recommended ones.

Okay... I go with this one, it's definitely one of my favourite a/b/o stories, the nesting is so sweetly described and I think I really need to read it again:

You've Got A Higher Power, You're Once In Any Lifetime by BoosBabycakes

What makes you want to stop reading something?

If the story is written in first person or the plot doesn't make sense to me and I question too much in the story. Some stories are also too artificially drawn out for me. I don't like slooooooow burn. My attention span doesn't last that long.

Your favourite song at the moment?

Call me by Neeve, it's a small german indie band but I like them a lot.

Of course nothing beats Louis music, I hope I don't have to mention that, do I?

Do you have a favourite movie or a favourite series at the moment?

No, neither of them. I haven't watched anything for ages. I prefer to spend my free time writing.

What was the most unusual thing that inspired you at some point?

Erm I hope this doesn't come across as weird but Louis' bum and waist. For some of my a/b/o stories and ideas that I still want to write.

What is your favourite season?

Spring, when everything turns green again and starts to blossom.

She also told me, that she has hay fever and that sometimes it’s unbearable for her until autumn but she still loves spring the most, especially after the darker months.

Who would you like to read an interview from?

I don't have a specific author in mind but I'd like it to be someone with a smaller fanbase to draw more attention to them.

I wanted to make it a little tradition for every interview, that every writer gives every of their works a colour and a season. It’s just a fun little thing for the end of the interview I thought would be interesting. Thankfully, Darling28 thought it was a great idea too, so here are the results:

Captured Ink, Hidden Hearts - pink and black, spring.

Bring me to life - darkblue, autumn.

Our Souls Intertwined - dark red, late summer.

True Colours - rainbow, obviously, autumn.

Men are shit - pink and green, summer

The Magic Within You - ice blue and white, winter (on a sunny day)

Tainted Love - brown, winter

Calm after the Storm - purple, early spring

Tank tops and a phone call - red, summer (a very hot day)

Letters - dark green, last summer days

I'm with you - white and grey, autumn

Paparazzi - yellow, summer

Holding On To Heartache - black with golden sprinkles, winter

Paradise is in your own mind (Sequel HOTH) - dark pink, spring

You Sunshine, You Temptress - green, summer

Careless Whisper - dark blue, winter

A huge thank you again to Darling28. Thanks for understanding my vision and being so open and kind. I appreciate it so much.

#DearWriterProject #larry stylinson #author interview #fanfic #ao3 writer #ao3 #ao3 author #fanfiction #larry fic #harry styles #louis tomlinson

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kawaiibarty · 2 months ago

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the phantom's game

wow okay, this fic has A LOT of lore. if you don't want to read a fic with a plot full of Plot and Slow Burn then this isn't the fic for you. alternatively, if you're looking for a fic that reads like it should be shoved in the recesses of a dingy library then this might be the fic for you?

masterlist

the fic:

the phantom's game will be incredibly slow in the beginning because it's basically remus just getting his footing in the world of literature and it's building up to the main plot.

this fic will also be written in three parts (but it will be put all together as one fic in case you want to download it or whatever, it also makes reading easier i think) or at least that's the aim. it may end up being more than three (maybe four MAYBE) and the word count aim is around 100k to 120k words. ideally the fic was to have around 40/50 chapters but as of now im really uncertain about the length (even though i know how it ends lol) because, and im such a nerd for this, but i ended up doing some math about fic chapter length compared to the original work and so far ive gathered that for every 1 chapter in the original work i have 2 chapters for my fic and an additional 1.5k words. it took me forever to work that out please clap. counting words in a book is hard.

and also

i feel like it's a testament to the dedication im putting into this fic 😔

the point of view might change from third to first person after part one, which may be a bit confusing so im putting a pin in this idea for now as im not even close to part two (let me know what you think about this!)

characters/relationships

this fic is written from the perspective of remus lupin and the main pairing is wolfstar (remus/sirius). main characters are remus, leo ferox (from the fanfiction all the young dudes), and sirius black. other characters are barty crouch jr, lily evans and her father who is an oc; maurice evans and other characters will be added as i write because i cba to actually flesh it out rn (and also i dont want to spoil). there are also minor relationships that are discussed.

trigger warnings/content warnings:

there are quite a few things that happen in this fic that id like to forewarn you of should you decide to read it. there are discussions of abusive parents, substance abuse and violence. in one of the chapters there will be some dubious consent, drugging, there will be descriptions of murder and violence as well as discussions around mental illness and homophobia. discussions/mentions of suicide!!!!

i will be adding on as the fic goes because i know there is stuff that ive missed.

why am i doing this???

i largely wrote this fic because i got high on meds and some other stuff it was wacko and i had absolutely nothing to do. id completely given up in trying to recover my old zombie apocalypse fic (it's a long story) and i really wanted something that i was familiar with not just because i liked the complex and the idea but because i knew it. iykwim?

it's based on a book i read when i was fifteen that got me out of the second largest reading slump in my life and basically catapulted me into the genre of fantasy realism and the whole dark/chaotic academia scene. i also decided that i would continue writing it after my beta @thestrawberryapologist showed interest in it.

another reason why i continued it rather than trying to piece together a nonexistent zombie apocalypse fic was because i have recommended this book COUNTLESS times but it seems no one i recommended it to seemed to like it.

so this is me saying, very passive aggressively, that the plot IS GOOD :(

i smashed the original book in like 2 days and ive been thinking about it for four years straight. i haven't even gotten to reading the other parts of the series because im still hooked on how THIS specific one was written.

its also a really fun (and for me) a new look into the characters because ive really never written anything this detailed before. the plot is a rollercoaster and you HAVE to stay on your toes with the the original work and i would really really like to reflect that onto my writing.

this is also the first time since i was 15/16 that ive properly attempted anything full length with the means to actually finish it off.

when is it going to be finished?

that's a good question. and one i don't know the answer to. it took me 2 months to get to chapter 4 so... it may take a year or two or 6 months dude but it's gonna be long and it's gonna be full

please don't be shy to ask me about it (though that doesn't mean im inclined to spoil it — which i won't!)

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inkdemonapologist · 1 year ago

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Do you ever think about how Nathan Arch is canonically Joey’s sugar daddy?

YALL HAVE A WILD DEFINITION OF “CANONICALLY” SOMETIMES

What we know (assuming there's no exciting new nathan lore im gonna discover when i read FtB, in which case don't tell me lmao), canonically, is that Nathan gave Joey a lot of advice about starting his company, some more advice while JDS was running and looked over the land for the Bendyland park with him, and that when things got real bad for JDS, Joey wrote to Nathan, hemming and hawing about how he normally definitely wouldn’t do this, to ask for a specific amount of money to help with the bills. We also can assume he’s a little older than Joey, since they were in the military together when Joey was too young to be in the military.

What is not hard AT ALL to read between the lines is that Nathan had a big crush on Joey Drew, source: every footnote in the Illusion of Living, several audiologs in BatDR.

What is certainly possible to believe is that Joey would never mention if Nathan was giving him consistent financial support, and that Nathan would similarly gloss over it, because he likes the image of Joey as a clever self-made man who deserves his success and wants to preserve Joey’s good name.

We actually don’t know if Nathan gave Joey any money, we just know that Joey asked for it, and that everything we know about Nathan suggests he would’ve been happy to help (and everything we know about Joey suggests he would’ve downplayed how much he really needed and thus the studio going under anyway does not mean Nathan ignored the request.) So it’s quite reasonable to suspect he did, but even THAT isn’t canon confirmed.

And, like, not to be That Guy except that this is my blog and I can That Guy to my heart’s content — giving someone money does not make you a sugar daddy. SUGAR DADDY IS A TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIP and gay relations between Joey Drew and Nathan Arch are the realm of headcanon. LIKE, A HEADCANON THAT CAN BE VERY STRONGLY SUPPORTED AND ARGUED FOR, if someone told me "wow joey and nathan DEFINITELY had something going on" I would laugh and agree, but it's an interpretation nonetheless. You could make an equally strong argument that Nathan is closer to what the kids call a simp, praising Joey’s brilliance and helping him with his problems and eagerly paying his bills because of a huge unrequited crush that Joey took advantage of but never returned. There's several ways to read it.

But... I do think a lot about how these two stayed in contact, stayed friends, even though Joey always seemed to be playing a role around Nathan, never quite felt comfortable explaining the things he felt most passionately about. He tells him about Bendyland, but clams up when Nathan doesn’t understand why it matters so much to him. It doesn’t seem like Joey ever tells him about Audrey; even though Nathan can hear the joy in his voice and notes that his old friend sounds more like himself than he has in a long time, he never knows why. Nathan is so so so taken with Joey, but there’s something about Nathan that Joey doesn’t trust.

Interesting that Joey never does brag about Nathan investing in him as proof of his own business acumen, though he doesn’t mind bragging about the investment of a grief-stricken mother who only regarded him as a polite young man. What’s threatening, then, about the idea of Nathan supporting him? It’s interesting the way Nathan is fascinated with every part of him and Joey always holds himself at arm’s length. Interesting how Joey enjoys his company, but gets uncomfortable and changes the subject whenever Nathan regards him, positively, as someone who pulled himself up to success out of nothing. Interesting to compare Nathan to Kyle, the other rich friend of Joey's who gets called a “sugar daddy” by the fandom (despite being younger than Joey), how Joey is uncomfortable when Kyle prods him about his status and tries to take credit for him, and then the way Nathan doesn’t do this but Joey still shies away whenever he hits the edges of those topics. ...It’s almost more interesting if Joey was trying his absolute hardest to avoid Nathan funding him, despite the fact that Nathan was clearly taken with him and probably would have been happy to help. What strings were attached to Kyle that Joey was afraid to find in Nathan?

#sorry i know hes SO minor but kyle has become an integral part of my bendy belief system #ftr I do like the idea that nathan and joey had some Gay Relations and I believe they both genuinely like each other #but I think Joey is also hiding a lot of himself from the more guileless Nathan #even tho Nathan really did love Joey faults and all #i know you have questions you always do #we all write on the walls

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cha-melodius · 9 months ago

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It’s Beas nice ask day!

So my question for you; what is something (fandom or not) that made you step back and go “damn I really did that”?

HI BEAS, thanks so much for the ask that I'm finally getting around to answering after the boopocalypse.

I think I got that feeling the first time I wrote a story that tipped over 100k words, and I still get it to some degree whenever I finish another long fic. For some reason that makes me step back and go, "wow, I wrote a whole-ass novel" in a way that a lot of other things don't. Like, I had a sense of accomplishment when I finished my doctoral dissertation but it wasn't a "damn I really did that" kind of feeling, it was just like, "yeah, it's done thank god" lmao. Maybe because it's just a pop-culture thing where people are like "OooOOh, so-and-so wrote a novel" or "I'm writing a novel" and now I just wanna be like "oh yeah, well I've written at least five of them" (which is only counting 50k+ fics and not all my sub-novel-length ones). Even saying that now still makes me go "damn, I really did that." Still seems kinda fake.

ANYWAY. There you go I guess, a brief look into my head lol.

#asks and answers #about me

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ertrunkenerwassergeist · 1 year ago

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Are there any conspiracy theories about the Deep City?

Hope you don't mind the length of this. It got out of hand real fast XD

Host 1: Hello and welcome back to another episode of 'Ghost Stories'. Your friendly podcast where we talk about all things spooky and mysterious in Lucis. My name is Idona.

Host 2: My name is Silvestre, and if you actually call me that, good on you. Today's episode is especially spooky, since it takes places in our own wonderful crown city Insomnia.

Idona: Uuuhhhhhh. I always love those.

Sil: Yeah. One would think we would get more of those, but apparently our dear listeners like to hear about the outside world.

Idona: Which makes episodes like this all the more exciting!

Sil: Absolutely. I mean, who would want to hear about the outside, if you have such a treasure trove right in front of your doorstep? Do you know how old Insomnia is? Older than dirt. It always makes me wonder how many stories are really buried here.

Idona: You know, current theory is that Isnomnis is most likely older than Lucis. Dear old Somnus probably saw a reasonably sized city and renamed it.

Sil: Huh.

Idona: Anyway! What's the story that has been brought to us this time?

Sil: Oh, it's great. You're gonna love it. Ghosts in the old aqueducts!

Idona: A proper ghost story! How wonderful. It's been so long since we've had one of those.

Sil: The last Insomnian ghost story we talked about here was the one with the red capped spirits that steal people away, right? Or was it the one about the guy who turned up a hundred years ago with no identification papers whatsoever, spoke only a strange dialect of Old Lucian and then vanished without a trace?

Idona: I think it was the latter. Still convinced the other one were just weird debt collectors.

Sil: Probably, yeah. I mean all of their known victims were poor people with huge debts, so...

Idona: Still a crime though.

Sil: You know, we should probably get started on this week's story. Otherwise our runtime will only be filled with senseless ramblings.

Idona: Sil, our runtimes are always filled with senseless ramblings. But take it away.

Sil: Okay, so. This story came to our ears thanks to one of our listeners. She wishes to remain anonymous, but she wrote us that her cousin works for the WSD, the Water Sanitary Department for those who don't know. Said cousin is responsible of keeping the old waterlines up and running.

Idona: Wow, stop. Are you telling me that we aare still using those? The youngest ones of the old waterlines are at least a thousand years old! At least!

Sil: Well, the old Lucians must have builld things to last. And if it ain't broke, why fix it?

Idona: You just sounded so Leidean.

Sil: Why, thank you. My ancestors would be proud. So, Anon's cousin is down there, doing his job of looking at stones as old as dirt to make sure nothing will come crumbling down, when all of a sudden he heard a strange noise.

Idona: Was it voices? It's always voices.

Sil: Got it in one. The cousin heard voices whispering in strange tongues. Of course he goes closer, since no one but him is supposed to be down there. Gotta warn those people away and all that. But as he walked around the corner, his torch goes out and he hears a strange humming.

Idona: Go on. This is getting good.

Sil: Just wanted to see, if you had something to say. Anon's cousin is understandably freaked out by all of this. But still he calls out, because he just knows someone is there. Which is when he starts seeing strange, glowing shapes in the pitch dark.

Idona: I wish I had been there! This is turning out to be one of the most amazing eyewitness accounts for ghostly activity!

Sil: Yeah, but sadly there's not much more to it.

Idona: Awww.

Sil: Because at this point Anon's cousin runs back the way he came, totally freaked out by all of this. Thankfully his torch turned back on not long after and all he had was a shock and a few scrapes and bruises from running in the dark.

Idona: That's a relief.

Sil: You don't look relieved.

Idona: Well, he could have at least tried to communicate with the ghosts. Just imagine what we might have learned from them!

Sil: Or Anon would now have a dead cousin.

Idona: Or that, yeah.

Sil: But we're still not quite at the end of this little story. One day later Anon's cousin comes back to the place with two others. They find nothing there but some freshly carved symbols on the wall.

Idona: What did the symbols look like?

Sil: Here. Anon's cousin copied them down for us.

Idona: Huh. I feel like I've seen those before.

Sil: What? Really?

Idona: Yeah, I mean, my mum is a historian specialising in Insomnia's earlier history. She's been trying to get permission to go to the lowest levels for basically half her life now, but gets denied every time. Apparently it's too unsafe down there. I feel like I've seen something similar to those symbols in one of her books before.

Sil: You know, hearing that, I can't help but wonder how safe the structural integrity of Insomnia actually is.

Idona: Oh Astrals, don't make me think about that! This gives me some real existential angst.

Sil: ...

Idona: Now you get it.

Sil: Aaaanyway. What did you think of this week's story, folks? Please leave your comments on our mog page or leave a small donation at our crown-cast page.

Idona: Donators can bring stories to our attention - much like this one - have access to all our episodes two days early and can participate in live FAQs once a month.

Sil: Thank you all for listening. And remember:

Idona: The world is scarier than you think it is.

#ask #raven-6-10 #ffxv #deep city stories #dreams of our past #this takes place before the earthquake #took a while to come up with this #and then it just clicked #podcast fic #ghost stories #hope you like it!#long post #geist writes #geist answers

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inventors-fair · 2 years ago

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Clench of Victory: Wanting Winners! ~

Our winners this week are @bergdg, @spooky-bard and @wolkemesser!

@bergdg — Desire

Look, out of the three, one of ‘em had to come out on top, right? I forget if I wrote the “your first cool idea and someone else’s first cool idea are probably gonna be the same” article before I saw the multiple desires, but either way, I had a feeling. The way to combat that is to make them all pretty great! Honestly, though, I do feel that this card’s got the nuances down. Desire and passion being entwined is a good choice—and I honestly didn’t see that the flavor text was a riff on Judgement Genesis until looking it up. Not the most original, but your adjective choice ties nicely to the mechanics.

Really, it’s the mechanics that make this card the most reasonable to me. You’re pushing the envelope in a way that feels unique to both the Incarnation type and balanced to contemporary MTG gameplay. Choosing only one card means choosing your passion, and the length of the impulse is really sweet as well and allows for flexible deckbuilding in both limited and constructed. I think, aside from shifting your flavor text to more of your own words, the only thing to change is “Whenever one of more creatures you control attack” to “Whenever you attack” re:Adeline.

@spooky-bard — Taste of Home

STRAIGHT. UP. POSITIVITY. Look, I’m a grimdark man at heart, but when I saw this card, the first thought I had was that someone understood the assignment. It’s a cute, simple, relatable card that sorta loosely implies the environment and, to me, feels like a card that would come near the end of limited playtesting when the team needs one final flavor home-run to round things out. Maybe it’s Eldrainian, maybe not! Doesn’t matter.

Personally, too, I’m a fan of these kind of Narrow Escape effects. This one’s hella cheap and makes an artifact token that you can sac for life; in a tight spot, declaring blockers to help you stabilize while throwing down a cool ETB on your next turn can be quite relevant indeed, and while it’s not something you probably want to build a deck around, Food as an archetype has always been a favorite of mine since its introduction. What does this world have to say about it? That’s about all the inner world we want and need for this card. It’s tight and direct and pulls no punches about the kind of simple adventurer’s desire that really makes players feel like they’re part of their own deck in a way. Again: you get it. Specificity matters so much in designs like this.

@wolkemesser — That Hideous Hunger

Oh, hey, more food! Christ. This card’s an absolute menace. I think that you really struck something with me here, because odd titles like this that happen to work within the card’s framing device are super cool to me. It’s an embodiment of hunger, sure, a form of uncontrollable desire—passionless, but exerted; unbalanced, but omnipresent. I say “unbalanced” in the purely flavorful sense. The card itself is a pain in the butt but not something that people can’t deal with. “Eat or be eaten” is a great way to go about realizing how hunger works, and you know what, I’m glad to see you taking your wild ideas and really cleaning it up here.

The fact that it affects yourself is very fun, and it shows that it’s a card you probably want to hold onto until you can get things out; don’t let your hunger manifest until you’re willing to show for it. I wonder if there would be a token-y archetype in white that could combat this, and/or if blue would have extra bounce to take care of a card like this, because wow, this card comes down and you’re not gonna have a good time. Except maybe you are with the lifegain! Four life to the Food’s three is an excellent little idea. I mean, what else is there to say? In Commander, you’re gonna make enemies, and in Standard/Limited, you’re gonna have fun. Small notes: “They are” should be “They’re,” and weirdly enough, “Food” should be “Foods” in this kind of effect, which I don’t blame you for missing. That’s a weird’n. Just like the player who plays this and gets to live their trollsona dreams. ... Not like that, Tumblr.

Really gonna have a fun time with commentary this week. Runners coming soon!

@abelzumi

#wanting flavor contest #mtg #magic the gathering #custom magic card #winners #commentary #inventor's fair

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fulgursmediaanalysisdrama · 11 months ago

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No hate to the creator of this summary

But I love watching videos like this sometimes even though I disagree with most everything

Because it's obviously made by some maybe misogynistic dudebro with clear biases that get into the way of whatever media literacy he has, and dillutes or distorts whatever interesting observations and analysis he makes

youtube

Like I'm sorry, you can't just say nothing happens in the books that mostly cover Ciris perspective because they don't cover Geralts perspective much, and then even worse talk at length about all the stuff that happens. Like??? Hahaha

It also reeks of not understanding themes and core messages, something that's pretty apparent from the way he talked about the short stories (though there definitely are issues with them, no way to denie) and for example when he says that the books make a big deal out of Angouleme looking like Ciri but it not mattering. (Because he views Yennefer as Ciris mother more than Geralt as Ciris father)

There's also some factually wrong stuff, mostly inconsequential details like Reiges giving Milva a pill when he made her a potion, but also claiming that Reiges isn't dead because only higher Vampires can kill higher Vampires (nothing like that is ever said, and there's no reason to doubt that the single most powerful individual in Vilgefortz can't kill Reiges when it's textual not even literal that his molten down remains fused together with stone/marble)

Speaking of Vilgefort, he says Geralt gets wounded by him when in other instances he had no issues calling Geralt severely wounded or such. Which obviously is a massive fucking understatement, Geralt gets owned and almost dies. And, again purely textual, Geralt becomes permanently disabled as a result of the magical treatment that saved his life, but also because his hand can't recover full functionality anymore.

Then there's weird stuff like calling him one and also comparing Dandelion to faggots. But near the end of the video making fun of people who listen to right wing talking points too much. And that last one was what truly broke me, I needed to share all of this.

There's so much in here, I can't remember everything, you'll guaranteed find stuff I missed or overheard. This is art to me.

And yeah, dude said stuff like "wow no wonder a story is much more interesting when you follow the main character" when he switches to book 3 I believe. Because he can't stop complaining about Ciri being important in books 2 and 4, or rather getting more page time than Geralt does. Because he just likes Geralt more and it's awesome because something always happens and there's epic action and stuff. (Anyone else things he's horny for Geralt?)

Idk it's a beautiful mess of incompetence and predetermined judgements and I can't even be mad. But saying that CD Project Red wrote better stories with the games than Sapkowski did with the books, something he actually said in the video completely unironically, is pretty fucking wild. Immmagine. Dude doesn't even understand why Sapkowski wrote the book the way he did, any messaging is lost, hates 70% of the story because it doesn't show off how cool his big bad crush Geralt is. It's hilarious

I'll stop, no more

#Youtube

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hospitalterrorizer · 1 year ago

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diary64

11/14-15/2023

tuesday-wednesday

almost made cookies.

i've made the dough, though, so it's resting in the fridge for tomorrow. it will be better that way anyways i think. hopefully they will taste good.

otherwise, today i didn't record vocals but i did start work on a new thing, it should be done tomorrow i think, i just want to find a final sort of riff for it. or i guess just put it into midi, i think i wrote something good, but maybe i'd like to use that for another thing instead, who knows. i wouldn't mind a 20 second long pv song. the interview did also come out, but i have some problems, not with the interview, my friend kelly did a great job with that. just with like, how the pictures came out. i don't know why but i look so awful and it's made me spiral, since i'm so stupidly sensitive about that. it just makes me wonder if that's what people actually see when they look at me, if that's how i actually look, or if they really just have been edited terribly. i can't stand it, the pictures of myself i took that day, even the ones that aren't the most flattering, don't make me look that ugly.

look at the pics i took that i'm not super into:

and this last one is especially unflattering imo:

the pics in the interview are like, crazy, i don't know. i can't tell if i don't look like that or not but they feel like they make me look way more like, mannish, and give me way more shadow. is it just an hdr thing, are people's eyes just more forgiving than camera lenses, or do my selfies and these photos just not really capture the whole, like, issue, that is my face. they also make me look fat. that's one i can't explain at all. it's very weird. i literally feel like i look like a different person, and i go look in the mirror and try and see that and can't really. i dunno. i think the guy who took the pictures is like, maybe not great but has a good camera, so he's eligible for taking pictures for a low level thing like this. i can't believe though, that for some reason, this is the article that has the most views on this website. how disturbing. i don't like that people i know are looking at that, and saying, wow that's them (or whatever). it actually really bothers me. i'm sure this is going to be something i am dealing with for a couple weeks. unfortunately i can't talk to my girlfriend about this in any kind of constructive way (is there even a constructive way, though?). she blames herself for me doing the interview, which is wrong for a myriad of reasons, and she i guess feels guilty for getting people to see it, when as i've now seen it, i don't want anyone to see it, the pictures at least. they're literally so fucked up, and since i've either looked like that, or since i've been made to look like that, i don't know if i can trust mirrors or anything/ memories of what i look like (i already don't know if mirrors are trustworthy or not, honestly, the discrepancies between them and cameras wigs me out and i don't know if there's anything there that should actually be wigging me out), but i don't even know if i will ever know what i look like. i've talked about depending very much on outside perspective, having one that now says basically that i'm ugly, or feels like it communicates/presents that, is very troubling. it makes you want to give up, kind of.

give up has an obvious meaning, i think. i also can't post them here, the images, it'd make me freak to look at them more. but i'm leaving the tab open because i know i'm going to have to go check and check and check and make sure that it feels like it's because the images were edited badly and stuff.

whatever, though. i am gonna sleep soon. maybe tomorrow i'll understand better what the focal length did to my face and what makes me feel so ugly for no reason. maybe this will make me do something really good for vocals since i feel distantly hopeless for stupid reasons.

it's intolerable, the feeling that people look at it, and see me in that, it literally feels like out of my hands, i am not myself anymore, it's like a tulpa. i want to puke and cry, it's that bad, really.

listening to palatka right now is nice, for this at least.

anyway tomorrow i still have to export those songs i have re-done vox for, and other stuff. maybe i will write new lyrics for some of these songs that still have none, that would be good. and i guess i can do the song that has lyrics but no vox still. that should be fun. i just need to get everything started earlier tomorrow.

today i also mostly vc'd so it wasn't a waste of a day, not eaten wholly by misery, the vc and the music i did and guitar playing i did feels good. in the vc we just played a silly drawing game, which i was bad at mostly, at first i felt really really stupid, but the stupid feeling went away. i guess i was just too nervous at first i guess. i don't know why. social games like that make me feel like i need to perform or something.

i really wish i intuitively understood guitar stuff better, but i think i'm getting there, i just need to play more, the practice i'm doing i think is very good. playing hardcore feels like a really good thing for me, i dunno. i hope so. i really like it at least. learning the tricks these bands do is really fun for me, even if it's all really stupidly obvious. just ways to move power chords around and make them weird, and then all the crazy stuff with the half step up/down notes i can do, figuring ways to get all that together in a song is really fun. i'm looking forward to that tomorrow i suppose.

anyway, trying to think of more positives in my life so i don't feel like braining myself. obviously i can't, i love my girlfriend too much, i feel bad that she feels bad about this. it really has very little to do with her. she suggested the interview but i said yes, i showed up even though i knew a little before that a guy i wouldn't like was going to be there. i should have expected this too, but i really hoped i wouldn't look so ugly.

but whatever, i will be okay, i think, so,

byebye!!!!

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lonelywhalien22 · 2 years ago

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I'm so excited for D-DAY! Yoongi is my bias-wrecker in BTS LOL and I'm forever in love with his mindset/lyricism. He has a way of writing things straightforward, but still being comforting (versus Namjoon's very poetic and wise writing style). That's my favorite part too!!! I also liked the reference to IU's 'Eight':

I loved this softer side of 'People Pt 2' and how it reflects Yoongi's growth as an artist and a person! Aaaggghh he's just one of those people that you wish a little extra success for, ya know? Idk - he makes me soft! LOL. All the references to past AUGST D and BTS songs (and maybe even IU's 'Love Poem'???) was tastefully done 🤌🤌🤌 I also really loved seeing him harmonize with IU 😍😍😍 they sounded really good together?! To be frank though . . . I don't quite understand the connection between the original 'People' and 'People Pt 2' yet, but I could also just be thinking too much into it (if you know, help a slow-brained friend out? 😅😂).

OMG OMG OMG NCT Dream concert 😭😭😭 if I had more money I would definitely go again HAHAHA. I think I'm still going through post-concert depression LOL because I woke up kind of down and tired today for no reason 😓

My favorite performance was 'Trigger the Fever' and (surprisingly) 'Saturday Drip'!!! Mark did a little bit of 'Golden Hour' as well so that was fun!!! (Thoughts on this solo song too???) NGL, I had a little bit of Renjun tunnel vision, so I only remember him and bits of Haechan/Mark during 'Trigger the Fever' 😭😂 They looked like they were having so much fun and just feeling themselves, it made me so happy! I'm always a little biased towards rap line performances in Kpop LOL because I just like the hyped vibes. I actually don't listen to 'Saturday Drip' all that much, but the NCT Dream rap line did a really good job with performing it!!!

I'm so sorry with how long this is LOL, but it feels like catching up with an old friend after a minute and I do just really like talking music with you hahaha. Are you going to any other concerts this year other than Ed Sheeran? Happy Tuesday 🤗

@twogyuu don't be sorry about the length of your post because mine is disgustingly long as well. like i'm actually deeply sorry for my word vomit:

Wow that’s a fantastic line from the song you shared as well! Love the sandcastle analogy. And omg the way I missed all the IU song refs…like Love Poem is my fave song from her 💀 (is it obvious i don’t speak korean??? lol 🤣). I love songs where you pick up on something new in the lyrics the more you listen to it! And at the ending when he shared he wrote it during covid like ahhhh I really felt that - It’s been so interesting to me as a music listener to hear works by artists that were made during covid/about covid…I just think it’s fascinating and like this little time capsule/archive of a very specific moment in time where we can see all the different emotions that came from that period and how they were expressed in so many different ways.

Also that is literally such a perfect way to differentiate between Namjoon and Yoongi’s lyrical styles - like you took the feelings right out of my brain and worded them perfectly. Yoongi has always been my favorite of the rap line for that reason. And then jhope is one of those rappers who’s like the vibey rapper if that makes sense??? It’s like his stuff always has this groovy flow to it that’s so distinctly him - I like to think it’s because he’s a dancer too but idk lol.

And girl lol we both need help bc idk what Pt. 2 is referring to either 😭 i’m not one of the kpop lore people, even for the groups I really follow, so I’m always in the comments section learning new things too lol. Heck I barely understand why Set Me Free is a Pt. 2😅 ik bts likes referencing their old music a lot in song titles so I’m just blindly used to that now and don’t question it lol (fellow armys help us with the receipts pls bc I’m useless for this sort of thing lol)

Wow just checked out Trigger the Fever - never heard it since it looks like it was on the very first mini album before I really followed them but omg I love it - it's right up my alley and I love the optimistic vibes and the harmonies they hit are just really pretty to me. Saved on Spotify hehe. idk when they performed it but it sounds like it would be perfect towards the end of the concert when they wanna make the fans all emotional and crap as they start to say goodbye 🥺

Saturday drip is such a great concert choice, I bet the crowd went wild. The super hype songs are always my fav during a concert bc everyone goes crazy and shouts out the iconic parts and it's such a good time!!!

Golden hour wasn’t my vibe BUT i did really like the concept and the mv for some reason. Like it was one of those songs where the mv actually made me vibe with the song more than i would have if i just heard it with no visual. That’s actually one of the things i really love abt kpop in particular - the way they build whole concepts and visual narratives around songs and seeing how it all comes together in the mv…it has definitely opened my ears a lot more if that makes sense and there are so many kpop songs that upon a second listen or bc of something in the mv/choreo/etc. i have come to absolutely love. NCT especially always challenges tf outta me. For ref I am a Sticker enthusiast and I still get crap for that lol but what can I say??? NCT is experimental so i’m always surprised by the songs from them that I wind up liking, and golden hour was memorable if nothing else lol

dont feel bad about reaching out to gush about music!!! normally i don't have any other way to let out my feelings besides watching reaction vids or reading social media comments on my own during comebacks so it's great to have someone to chat with stuff about directly! I really wish I could have seen NCT Dream but the date for my closest city just wasn't the best and I already saw NCT 127 a few months ago with their The Link tour. I was like - I saw Mark recently I don't need to see him again for awhile (LIES) 😭 but Haechan was sick at the time so I didn't get to see him then and I really like him and Renjun ahhh!!! Next time!

You asked about other concerts and BRUH. I can't feel too bad abt missing Dream bc I'm still seeing/have seen so much! Everyone's got that one thing they splurge on and for me it's concerts. Back in 2020, my very first concert was gonna be Map of the Soul with BTS and then…well we all know how that story went 😭😭😭I’m still incredibly sad that I never got to see them all together live before the military service so after that and 2 years of lockdown I was like I have to see as many of my fave acts as I can because you never know when this might be an artist’s last tour for whatever reason. Once i could afford it I started going to as many concerts as I could and haven't looked back. There’s just something about experiencing music live with the artists and other fans around you that just gives me a rush idk i love it!!! Besides Ed (saw ur post and you should totally see him if you can make it work money-wise btw hehe. his tickets are some of the most affordable i've EVER purchased in terms of comparable seats at other concerts <3) I'm also seeing TXT in may WHOOP! And then i managed to get beyonce tickets even though my wallet hated me for awhile after that one ngl. I’m seeing her this one time and that IS IT lol. I heard SM said baekhyun and wayv are gonna have tours so if that’s true i’m gonna try getting tickets for those. I would love to see Ten perform live, he’s one of my faves in all of NCT, and then Baekhyun - I just REALLY need to hear his vocals live lol. Like he could just come out on stage, sing Bambi and then leave, and I’d feel like I’d gotten my money’s worth from that alone 🤣 Hoping to see The Boyz again on tour as well now that Eric is back and doing better but they haven’t announced anything rn. Saw them once but the seats were sooooo bad omg…gotta see them again with a better view because their performances and stage presence are phenomenalllll. I found out about them during Kingdom!

Unfortunately no yoongi for me bc the locations were more limited and I knew it would be a bloodbath lol. Also I still haven't recovered from taylor swift (i truly was one of those peeps in the queue for 8+ hours and still did not get tickets 😭😭😭). next time she tours (please please please let there be a next time istg) i've gotta go.

Not that you asked but since I'm on a roll and can’t shut up - I've seen some other groups in the last year and and hands down, without a doubt, the best for me was Ateez. They are my ult group besides BTS and cannot stress enough omg their stage presence is freaking insaneeeeee. Saw them two nights in a row and have literally no regrets. Best two nights of my life. Came back to my place with voice gone after that second night, ate a post concert meal and passed out in my bed. Was on a high for like a week after and I still miss them lol. Will always try and see them when they’re in my area.

Also recently saw SZA and that was a literal dream. she was amazing and i still have random concert flashbacks every few days.

#dee:asks

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boydepartment · 2 years ago

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Congratulations on finishing Pizza Parlor and getting 1000 likes!!! ლ⁠(⁠^⁠o⁠^⁠ლ⁠) I discovered Pizza Parlor pretty early on and I wrote my first message that same night. I was really giddy after reading the first few chapters and I'm glad that I discovered this gem of a story. This story will definitely stay with me for a long time. =) I'm sure this is the beginning of many more milestones to come. <3

Sorry for randomly disappearing for a bit, life got real hectic this week, but I'm back now! Also also, this is the 10th sheep anon message! We're in the double digits now! =D I have a whole doc on just drafts of messages on it and bits and pieces of things that I want to write about. The only reason why I haven't included them yet is because these messages would look more like a novel. Apparently, the total word count for all the sheep anon messages excluding this one is 2.8k! Which is crazy because it's like the same length as one of your chapters and I am 100% not a fanfic writer.

Anyways, to answer your question, I don't have a specific TV show because I didn't grow up on cable. Instead, I watched episodes out of order and understood nothing of the plot. I do, however, have many cringy memories of running around on the school playground pretending to be a Pokemon trainer and having imaginary Pokemon fights. Real embarrassing. Another TV show that really stood out was Thomas the Train because my brother was terrified of it. I think it's the uncanny valley of the trains' faces that freaked him out. As the younger sister, I just followed in his footsteps and ran away whenever it played on the TV. I actually don't know the plot of the show at all. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ I don't think I became really obsessed with anything until middle school where I tried to convince my friends into watching Fruits Basket. Kinda embarrassing considering they were not into anime... I'm going to end my ramble here before it gets too long. Have a nice day/night everyone and stay cool or warm depending on where you are! Virtual hugs!

╰⁠(⁠*⁠´⁠︶⁠`⁠*⁠)⁠╯

-🐑

p.s. I haven't asked you a question in a while, what is your favorite Ghibli film? I didn't actually grow up watching movies, so I started by watching Spirited Away in 2020. The last movie I watched was Ride Your Wave and I had to pause halfway through to take a cry break. Like half of my interests in have made me cry, lol. Do you have any recommendations?

Hello sheepie! I am so very happy that you enjoyed Pizza Parlor! It means the world to me that people enjoyed it so much! I am also very glad that my story head enough of an impact to stay with you!

I am sorry about life getting a little crazy on your end! I hope it is getting better day by day! Wow! The 10th sheep anon message! I consider it a privilege to hear from you!! Thank you for taking time out of your day to write to my blog! It makes me feel special!

I absolutely adore Fruits Basket, I also relate to being that odd kid that shows their friends anime! That was me all throughout middle school. I absolutely loved getting lost in fictional worlds, I still do! Also LOL the thomas the train!!

My favorite ghibli film is between From Up on Poppy Hill or Howl's Moving Castle. I am a sucker for a good soundtrack and both of them have a fantastic one! I have seen Ride Your Wave! That movie killed me! I loved it though, I thought the animation was beautiful. When it comes to animated movies in that genre I recommend a couple of them. Obviously, my favorite ghibli films, however I can also recommend a couple other animated movies.

I really enjoyed Weathering with You. I saw it in theatres in 2019 and I went on a date. I used to loathe the movie due to the fact I saw it on a date with a horrible person, however, stays got to watch it with Chan a couple months ago so my perspective has changed a lot about it.

I also really enjoyed The Secret World of Arrietty. I used to watch it with my parents when I was a little girl.

I could list way more animated movies but I tried to keep it in the same type of animation, I could go on for years about my favorite animated movies as a whole lol

This will conclude my message my dear sheepie. I cannot wait to hear from you again! I hope you have a fantastic day/week! <3

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robertagale · 2 years ago

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THESE GLASSES ARE WOW WITH ALL CAPS!

I love these sunglasses so much I ordered them twice--they're the most UV-blocking I've ever had, and they're dark--a real plus in the searing desert sun. The brand is WOW, which is a typical name that overseas Amazon sellers think people in the US love, because who couldn't love something that's WOW IN ALL CAPS! Also, as I found out later, it's close to WOOW, a brand I never heard of but is expensive and made in Italy, which of course both equal beyond amazing but then again so is Italian bread except that it's cheap.

So the WOWS fit great, just like the last pair, and they made me look so much cooler than I do in my non-sunglasses mode, but when I put them down, one side flopped on one side which WOW REALLY DROVE ME NUTS. Maybe because I'm a perfectionist or OCD or a Virgo but WOW DO I LIKE THINGS TO BE SYMMETRICAL.

I mean so symmetrical that it obscures common sense like that time I jammed a Q-Tip deep into my right ear just so that it would match the length it went into my left ear only I ended up in a lot of pain and found out later that my right ear canal is smaller than then my left so I was trying to perform the impossible.

Maybe another person would just say hell with it and wear the glasses as they were; their function wasn't compromised and they do what they're supposed to do, but not me. It's my raison d'etre to make sure everything is right in my world because I must control every little thing, it makes me feel safe and I think it will reduce my anxiety and and if I don't I'll go crazy and all the other reasons I learned in decades of dealing with mental health professionals but won't post here because you can just do a Google search for any of this stuff on your own.

So i wrote the company and they asked me to send a picture of the defective glasses and then sent me a new pair. Which was really swell of them but they were sort of tight at the temples but an optician once told me I have sensitive temples but I'm not alone which only marginally made me feel better because I thought, "Shit! One more thing I have that I don't need!" So "sensitive temples" will one day not end up on my resume, because I'm too old for that, but more likely my obit. "Sensitive-templed, anxiety-ridden control freak with OCD, who self-identifies as funny, died today from wearing too-tight glasses." A relative commented, "I told her to take them off, but she said they were fine because one side didn't flop over." Her last word was reported to be "WOW."

#fashion #style #roberta gale #menopause #comedy #ocd #perfect #life #onlineshopping

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mikumanogi-blog · 2 years ago

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2023-02-09 “Profile” Tereblog 8 [ENG]

For some reason I took side facing pictures on this day last year..

Glance

I really like looking at people’s faces when they’re sideways, especially when they’re serious. When they’re focusing people’s faces are really cool aren’t they.

Hello,

I’m sorry for suddenly posting my profile on todays blog without warning. I’m Ikeda Teresa, it’s a pleasure to meet you<(_ _)>

This year, when I meet someone, they always tell me “Your hair has grown”

Especially Naonao, even though we see each other almost everyday she always shows me a new surprised expression. Lol Naonao’s hair length is like the reverse of last years🐻🐼︎🫶🏻

I’m kind of jealous of Naonao’s chestnut colored hair…!

But even besides Naonao, the 5th generation has a lot of members who’s real hair is really beautiful. It’s amazing how long and silky Saku-tan’s hair is, she’s really working hard on her hair care, I need to learn from her.

For some reason this talk has divulged into talking about hair.

Oh that’s right I was talking about how much I like people’s profile!

I really like the side faces of Nogizaka46 members, for example on “New Nogizaka Star Tanjou” when the members sitting on the bleachers are seriously engaged in the performance on stage I’m able to see their side faces, and on “Nogizaka Under Construction” I’m able to have the precious opportunity to see the faces of the senior members from a short distance away.

When I’m reminded of “Nogizaka46” I wonder when my image of the members changed from looking up at them from the seats in the venue to standing on the same stage with their backs backlit…? I feel like I wrote about this in one of my blogs in the summer.

This is probably one of the things that changed since I became and idol, ehehe for some reason I feel a little proud.

But at any rate, when I look back and see this picture I probably think “Wow my hair is short” eheh

An offshoot of N46MODE🎬

For me in as state where this photoshoot hadn’t been released to the public yet the major job of working and overcoming Nogizaka46 hour TV alongside the senior members showed how dazzling everyone was

The first time I heard behind the scenes stories of the 5th generation member’s Get to Know us meet and greet, and while talking about the impressions of what people thought I was growing in admiration (´˘`＊)

Runoruno

Aruno’s hair has also grown out

When I first met her it was a lot shorter, I couldn’t imagine her having any other hairstyle other than short hair but while watching her hair continuously grow longer I started thinking that she try challenging a long hair look 👀

Without a doubt my favorite side face that I’ve seen Aruno-san have was when she performed “Saudade” during the New Nogizaka Star Tanjou! LIVE. IT was a little bit cool and I fell in love with it!!! Hii-chan and I were writhing backstage, or rather all the 5th generation members had the faces like they were a maiden in love lol

I am starved of Aruno’s version of Saudade so next time I go to Karaoke I’m going to drag her with me(∩´∀｀＠)⊃

Kuu-chan

The Kuu-san at this time really looks like a princess 👸🏼‪‪💕

Kuu-chan looks like she was born to be an idol with pink looking really good on her and a dazzling smile that is fitting of an idol, of course her performance is amazing as well. There is also a personality gap between her normal and idol self (I think you all know this already)

Like always, before she catches Aya, those animal like eyes that light up before they catch prey are really beautiful. When she catches Aya that brilliant full smile and the crescent like eyes that show how she feels is something I really love 🌙

It’s nostalgic but the smiling and serious expressions on the other members faces haven’t changed since I joined and I think it’s going to stay that way.

When the 5th generation members start to walk their own path I want to be there at the starting point!

( 'ω'o[ confession ]o

“Kotoge Eiji (san) no nante Bi da!”

The next topic is “Art university”

The guest are the students that are currently attending art school, we’re the same generation, I’m nervous （（ ⊃ > . < ）

Ahh, speaking of rough sketches…

A rough sketch is a snapshot, drawn quickly, or it is used as an indication of what the final product will look like. It is also called a sketch, however a rough draft mainly proports to a drawing that is done in a short period of time. They are mainly used as training to capture fast moving objects such as people and animals. (taken from Wikipedia)

To make a long story short, before you can practice dribbling or shooting you need to learn the fundamentals, I think there are only a small amount of people that work hard on that but I’m one of them. Haven’t you ever heard of a sketch pad? It’s a little bit different than a notepad but with thinner paper than in a sketch book.

I believe that the fastest way to improve your drawing ability is to do rough sketches. So please, everyone that watches and is interested please try it yourself, if you’re interested. 🤲🏻

I also like the side faces of busts, all busts are carved and there are a lot of Nogizaka members who have faces that are sculpture-like (Personally Sera-san’s profile is the best when I sketch in plaster, it’s so beautiful!)

I’ve been told that I look like the bust of Giorgio, if you like feel free to look it up, you’ll probably chuckle at how similar we are lol when I was sketching it people asked if it was a self-portrait, how annoying.

My eyebrows are fluffy.

I was just planning on writing something short and simple but it got really long, I’m sorry.

Thank yo-yo for reading this far ( ･_･)/-------◎

Let’s do our best tomorrow

#Tereblog #8(Before I knew it……. Aaaaaaaahhhh it’s already 8:30!? I’m lateeeeeeeeeee)

https://www.nogizaka46.com/s/n46/diary/detail/101154?ima=3608&cd=MEMBER

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harringtown · 2 years ago

Text

he lives on a landslide

requested by anonymous

pairing: steve harrington x reader

summary: reader apologizes to steve for dragging him into the mess of the upside down (its just fluff featuring a mildly-drugged-on-painkillers Steve Harrington)

word count: 1.2k

Steve sits on the edge of the exam room bed, kicking his long legs like a child. Despite being a flock of bats’ personal chew toy, and all the other ways he almost died tonight, he’s in a far better mood than he has any right to be. Even more so now that an actual doctor bound his wounds. It was a full thirty minutes of dodging questions, but clearly worth it, as Steve’s skin has finally returned to its normal pallor.

“I know I said no emergency room, but I gotta tell ya, this isn’t so bad,” Steve says, leaning back on his palms. He’s wearing only a dark gray pair of scrub pants one of the nurses found for him once they saw all the gore on his jeans. His entire torso, his neck, and a few spots on his arms, are covered in gauze and bandages.

You snort a humorless laugh. As relieved as you are that Steve is alive and relatively unharmed, it doesn’t change the fact that he almost wasn’t. That he almost died gain.

“That would be the morphine,” you say.

“It’s a miracle drug,” Steve announces.

You try to smile, but that familiar ache in your chest pushes back up your throat. Guilt, shame, and all their children, springing around your limbs like pinballs.

“Hey. What’s up?” Steve straightens, and his brows knit together as he inspects you, as if he’s searching for some external injuries—and unfortunately, because he knows you, all the injuries become external. He can read you like he’s in your own head.

He eases off the exam table, a hand flying to his bound side. He grits his teeth, and exhales once his feet hit the floor.

Apparently even miracles have their limitations.

He crosses the short distance between you.

“It’s—”

“And don’t say nothing, because I know you, and I know your looks, and this—” He gestures to your expression. “—isn’t nothing.” He goes to fold his arms, winces, and drops them back at his sides. “So. Out with it.”

“Steve—”

He lifts a hand to your cheek, thumb tracing a line down your cheekbone. “Talk to me.”

And it’s like a door flies open, and all that emotion, dark and sticky like tar, floods into the room and into your chest.

You let out a rattling sigh. “This is all my fault.”

Steve frowns and says, “What the hell are you talking about?”

You gesture to him, to his bandaged limbs and bruises and scarred skin—three years of fights that only included him because of you.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.” You shift back, out of his touch, and fold your arms across your chest like a barrier. “I’m the reason you’re hurt. Again. All the bad shit that’s happened to you these past few years is because of me.”

Steve is quiet for a second before he says, “I’m calling bullshit.”

You scoff. “You can’t do that.”

“Yeah, actually I can.” He lifts his brows. “Bullshit.”

“You don’t get it,” you say, shaking your head. “I’m the one who saw Nancy with Jonathan together that first night. I’m the one that told you where she was. And I only forced you to go over there with me because I was worried about the kids, and I didn’t want to go alone. And then—” You huff a breath. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even know what the Upside Down was. You wouldn’t have almost died because of it, time and time again.”

“You don’t know that,” Steve says, and damn, if he doesn’t sound confident—so confident, you almost want to believe him. “You can’t know that. Who’s to say that in some parallel universe, or whatever, I didn’t end up at the Byers that night all by myself?” He shrugs a shoulder. “Who knows. Maybe it was never about you, at all. Maybe I was always going to end up here, missing a third of my skin.” He flashes you a quick, lopsided smile, but it only deepens your frown.

“Steve.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I,” you say. “And some other nonexistent universe doesn’t matter. Because in this universe, I ruined your life. I dragged you into hell with me.”

“Is that what you think?” Steve asks. “That you ruined my life?”

“I’ve been Will and Dustin’s babysitter since they were in diapers. I had a reason to go looking for them. They were my responsibility. But bringing you into it, manipulating you by telling you that Nancy was there—”

“Hey,” Steve says, shaking his head and taking your chin in one hand, guiding your gaze back to his. “Enough. I may be an idiot, but even I’m not that stupid. I didn’t go with you that night just because I thought Nancy would be there.”

At your narrowed eyes, Steve amends, “Okay, maybe a little bit, but—” He shrugs again. “The real reason I went was because I knew you were going to go even if I didn’t, and even if I didn’t understand why, it was obvious you were scared out of your mind.” He brushes a few stray hairs off your forehead. “I was never going to let you go alone.”

You close your eyes, letting your hands climb up his chest gently to settle above the wrapped gauze. When you open your eyes, you say softly, “Every time you get hurt, I just feel like such an asshole. If something happened to you—”

“Stop.” Steve draws you toward him and dips his forehead against yours. “You didn’t ruin my life. You gave me a life. Before you, I was just…” A tiny, almost sad smile pulls on his lips. “I was treading water, and I was doing a pretty shit job of it. And then you came along, and you taught me to swim.”

You pull back, lips pulling thin. “I just don’t want you to look back in five years and… hate me for all of this. I don’t want you to regret it.” Regret the two of you.

“I love you, but that’s crazy,” Steve says, ducking to press a kiss to your forehead and pulling back to meet your eyes. “I don’t regret any of it. I sure as hell don’t regret you. And I could never hate you.”

“Promise?” you ask, voice small.

“Promise,” Steve says. He lifts a hand, pinky outstretched. You roll your eyes, but link your pinky in his, and squeeze. He squeezes back. “You’re stuck with me.”

“I think it’s more like you’re stuck with me,” you say.

“Agree to disagree,” Steve says, bending down to catch your lips in his. When he kisses you, it isn’t frantic or fast, the way some of your first kisses were, but slow and steady, like the first step down a long, long road.

And maybe it won’t be the smoothest road, and maybe it’s full of cracks and potholes and monsters lurking in the shadows, but that doesn’t really matter, because you don’t have to walk it alone. You’ve never had to.

If you’re lucky, you never will. If you’re lucky, it will always be you and Steve, hand in hand, taking the path together.

taglist: @milkiane @spideyboipete @robiin-buckley @robinbuckleyssgf @la-fille-en-aiguilles @sunlitide

#Brooke writes fic #wow I wrote a reasonably lengthed thing??? look at me #who'd have thought #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #Steve Harrington x y/n #Steve Harrington x gn!reader #Steve Harrington au #Steve Harrington fic #stranger things #stranger things au #stranger things fic #x reader

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coconutcordiale · 2 years ago

Text

steady pt three (i keep all my affection in a paper cup)

pt one | pt two | pt three | masterlist | prequel

pairing- rooster x female bartender!reader (no y/n)

synopsis-

You want to tell her you know how she feels, it’s truly unfair for someone to look this good with that mustache. There’s a bead of sweat rolling down his neck to his collarbone and you want nothing more than to follow it with your tongue. Alice looks like she agrees with you.

Completely unaware of his own effect, Bradley just swipes his card.

warnings- 18+ minors DNI, unprotected sex oops, light daddy kink/bradley bradshaw is a soft daddy dom that just wants to take care of his girl this is the hill i'll die on, overstimulation, oral (f receiving), lil bit of praise kink (can i write smut without someone -especially rooster- saying good girl, prob not), breeding kink if you squint but like...don't it's like half a line & i'm scared of kids so it's not really breeding kink idk, no kink negotiation here so not a good example of what you should do irl, brief mention of past infidelity (no current cheating)

length- 5.6k ish

an- i can't believe this is over this is literally the most difficult thing i've ever written, also for real publix sandwiches are the goat i wouldn't share mine with bradley. I’m sorry the end was so cheesy I hate myself lol ok ily all bye

this chapter title is also from only for a moment by lola marsh lmao i basically wrote 15k based on one song that's less than 3 minutes long

You slam the door a little harder than necessary when you get to the rental car.

“Did you get the closure you needed?” Bradley asks tentatively, probably wary of the chaos you know is simmering under your skin.

“Closure from another person is a myth,” you answer firmly. “Only you can give yourself closure.”

“So, no, in other words.”

You appreciate that he’s at least trying to keep the amusement out of his voice as you repeat his cheesy quotes back to him, but it's short-lived because everything feels too small, too suffocating in the muggy Austin air.

You almost don't tell Bradley, but a part of you recognizes you need to get the words out. That someone else needs know about you and Jake so it doesn't subsist only in your eyes, so it doesn't blind you as it disrupts your field of vision, bright spots of an incoming migraine.

“He said he’s in love with me.”

His knuckles go white around the steering wheel, and you raise an eyebrow.

After a beat he relaxes, tone frustratingly even. “Bold, considering he’s still married, right?”

“Bold,” you scoff. “That’s one way to put it. I didn’t bother to ask. No ring, but we all know how you pilots are about rings.”

“Why?”

You shrug. Because it doesn’t matter.

“I want to ask you something, but you have to promise not to get mad at me,” he continues, gaze fixed on the road.

Even though you know you’re unlikely to get mad at him, you grumble anyways. “No promises.”

“I’m not trying to sound judgmental. You obviously loved him. But can I ask, why you stayed so long? Wasn’t it excruciating?”

Loved. Past tense. You're surprised as you realize how true that feels, that Jake has maybe, finally, become someone you loved and not someone your heart still beats for.

“I’ve never been in a serious relationship before,” you admit, softly, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. “At a certain point, maybe I started to think there was something wrong with me, a reason I wasn’t worth the effort of a real relationship. Like maybe what I had with Jake was better than I would ever get from someone else.”

You hear a pained noise from him, but barrel on, knowing if you don’t get the words out right now, they may live inside you forever.

“It wears on you after awhile. My guy friends are always acting sarcastic about it, wow must be so horrible to be pretty, so shitty that everyone wants to sleep with you. People say it enough, men confirm it with their actions, and eventually, you start to feel like that’s all you’re worth.

You shudder; you’ve never admitted that out loud before.

"I know what it looks like, but it was more than sex. I’d just never felt that way about anyone before.”

Bradley pulls into the parking lot of your hotel, but you’re staring straight ahead, admission having frozen you in place.

“I don’t know how to make you believe you’re worth more than that. Seresin was practically falling apart, and he hasn’t even seen you in almost a year, for fuck’s sake. Those guys that missed out on knowing you, they’re morons.”

He pauses and takes a deep breath, looks over at you and you feel his dark eyes burning into the side of your face.

“Cali, I—if you think he’s being serious, if you want to be with him, I know it’s complicated, but I have your back.”

Any ice that was thawing around you suddenly frosts again.

“You think I should try to work things out,” you say slowly. “With Jake.”

He flinches. “That’s what you’re taking from—fuck, never mind. I didn’t say that. I just want you to know I’m here for you, whatever you decide.”

Your stomach is sinking and you’re not entirely sure why.

“Thank you,” you manage to murmur, squeezing his forearm affectionately before getting out of the car, worried he’ll see the tears forming in your eyes.

It stays sunk as you get back to your hotel room, as you get ready for bed silently, as you bury yourself under the covers and turn your back to him.

He feels miles away in the other bed, somehow farther away than he does with a flight of stairs separating you at home in Florida.

Sure, a mini vacation to a wedding (even if it is to Texas of all places) is a little intense for friends, but that’s yours and Bradley’s thing if you’re being honest. You guys have spent the last six months being a little intense and over-committed. Being the only things to pull each other out of the dark places you longed to hide in.

You agreed to come, as a friend. It’s not like you guys pretended to be dating, it’s not like he didn’t introduce you to everyone as his friend from Florida.

You’re not sure when you started hoping for more, when you started thinking there was something promising constructing itself in the space between your apartments.

Rooster immediately knows it was a mistake to visit you at work. But you’re working the early shift and things have been so off since you guys got back from Texas. It’s like you’ve retreated into your shell, like you’ve put back on every layer he spent months peeling away.

You smile when you see him, but there’s something hollow in it, something not all there.

He’s pretty sure he overstepped asking you about Jake, but he doesn’t know how to bring it up again, how to apologize without making it worse.

He couldn’t help it; he saw how Jake looked at you. Understands how Jake feels, knows all too well the magnetic pull of you, the involuntary twitch of fingers to touch you. But the way you stole glances after you stopped panicking at his presence…well he’s fairly certain you’ve never looked at him the way you tried to hide you were looking at Jake.

He felt all the air empty from the room the moment you two were aware of each other's presence.

Bradley doesn’t know how to compete with a love like that.

Despite all that he can’t stay away from you, can’t spend another night in his apartment wondering what you’re thinking.

Unfortunately, that means he’s in a touristy tiki bar, politely letting a girl chat him up while you busy yourself making sweet cocktails with overcomplicated garnishes just out of his line of sight.

She’s pretty. And nice. She’s drinking a Jungle Bird which he knows you don’t detest making, so he doesn’t feel bad when she orders another to stick around and talk to him. She laughs at his jokes and doesn’t tell him he’s an idiot for not liking The Office. As far as he can tell (given that he met her about five minutes ago) there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her.

Except for the fact that she’s not you, of course.

She excuses herself to the bathroom and you make your way over to his side of the bar, wordlessly putting a fresh beer in front of him.

“You should ask her out,” you suggest. “She’s gorgeous.”

Bradley stalls, blinks twice. His tongue is suddenly sticking to the roof of his mouth. “You think so?”

You roll your eyes. Usually, he secretly loves how much you roll your eyes, the fire that’s always lit behind them. Loves the bratty disposition you manage to express with one little look. He’s always liked how expressive your features are, how he can read your mood before you even say a word.

Right now though, it just makes him uneasy.

“Everyone thinks so, look at her.”

“No—that’s not what I—” he stutters. “I meant, you really think I should ask her out?”

“Yeah, she obviously likes you. It’s not like she’s going to say no.”

Bradley hates the way his heart sinks at your suggestion, but nods anyways, choosing not to correct your assumption that he’s stammering with nervousness over this girl he just met. He desperately wants to change the subject, to make sure he’ll be able to see you outside of the shell you put on for work.

“I have your suitcase at home if you want to get it after work. Sorry, I forgot it was still in the Bronco when I left the other morning.”

When he left for work after carrying your sleeping form up to his apartment, not wanting to risk waking you by searching for the keys to your place, because you looked too peaceful for him to wake up after the flight back.

He forced himself to sleep on the couch, despite how pretty you looked in his bed, how badly he wanted to crawl in with you, tell his students he got stuck in Texas, and keep you in bed with him forever.

He walks home when you tell him you'll come by after Beth takes over, after Jungle Bird slides him her number on a napkin, hoping it’ll clear his head. Sits on the beach, watches the sky darken over the water. Wonders if he should play it cool and wait to text her. Wonders if he even wants to text her at all.

He knows he’s ready to date again after Lauren, has been for a while now, so eventually, he does text, because pining after you isn’t going to get him anywhere.

He thinks he can be your friend, if that's all he's going to get.

He’s just barely gotten through his front door when you knock, sweaty and red-faced.

“Just got back from a run,” you tell him, clearly having seen the question perched on his lips. You’re still breathing a little hard and it’s sending his blood in the opposite direction of where he needs it to be going.

The sweat dripping down into the valley of your breasts is giving him decidedly not friendly thoughts.

“You hate running,” he says instead, brows furrowed.

You shrug. “Did you make plans with the girl from the bar?”

He rubs the back of his neck, feeling awkward.

“Yeah,” he answers finally. “We’re going out this weekend.”

“That’s great,” you say flatly, immediately turning to leave, picking up your forgotten suitcase a little too aggressively, like it’s done something to offend you.

“Hey, wait, hold on.” Bradley reaches out for your arm, tugging gently and forcing you to stop in your tracks. “Are we in a fight right now? Is this about the wedding?”

“No,” you answer petulantly. You won’t meet his eyes, instead staring down at where his fingers encircle your wrist.

“No, we’re not in a fight or no, this isn’t about the wedding?”

“This isn’t about the wedding,” you reply through clenched teeth. “Not entirely, at least.”

He can’t help but let pride swell through him at your words, knowing a few months ago you would’ve lied about being fine until you were blue in the face.

It still feels like he’s taking a shot in the dark, a tiny flicker of hope igniting in his chest. “You told me to ask her out.”

You cringe, face twisting in pain like you just sucked on a lemon. “Only because you were pushing me to go back to Jake! I thought that was what you wanted. I thought—”

You’re breathing hard, but he’s pretty sure your chest is heaving with emotion, not from your run. Your mouth is open to continue when he says your name.

Not Cali. It sounds hard and serious as it passes his lips. You wince and he immediately feels bad.

“Stop,” he continues firmly, determined not to lose his nerve at the hurt crossing your features, willing himself not to get worked up and loud. “Don’t put words in my mouth. That’s not what I was doing. I know we went to the wedding as friends, but it’s stupid to deny there’s been something building between us for a while now.”

Your expression softens and Bradley knows instantly that you feel it too.

“I just didn’t want you to shut the door on Jake out of some obligation to me. I want you to choose me, for me. Not because I’m not him.”

He sees the moment it clicks for you, the second you start seeing how the wedding must’ve looked through his eyes.

“I’ll never go back to Jake,” you say quietly. “For lots of reasons that have nothing to do with you.”

Something inside him unfurls, anxiety sitting in his stomach loosening, but he’s not done, can’t be done, until his intentions are crystal clear.

“What do you want? Do you even know? Because I know what I want.” He grabs your arms, turning your body to face him fully. Hooks a finger under your chin, making you look up at him as he tries to gather the courage to say this next part. “And I can’t settle for anything less. If you want casual, I can’t give you that.”

“I don’t want you to go out with her.” It’s as good as an admission from you, he knows that.

Dark eyes warm as the beginning of a smile stretches across his face. His chest is lightening, warmth bubbling within. “How come?”

“You’re smart enough to do the math,” you mutter, rolling your eyes. But there’s a bright, happy tinge edging at the corners of your mouth.

He’s full-on grinning now, reaching to pull you into him by the waist. He tucks his face into your hair, so you won’t see the giddy expression on his face. “Tell me anyways.”

“Want you all to myself,” you mumble, lips ghosting over his skin to make him shudder.

You might have more to say, but Bradley used all his patience flying today and his hand tilts your chin to him, lips covering yours before you can make another sound.

You make a tiny mewl in surprise against his mouth as he grips you, tongue sliding past your lips and his blood immediately rushes south.

Making a face when Bradley manages to pull himself away from your lips, you look down at your sweaty sports bra. “I need to shower.”

“Shower here,” he suggests. “I’ll make us dinner. You can spend the night, maybe? And I won’t sleep on the couch this time? I promise I’ll behave.”

Bradley sees his hopeful eyes mirrored back at him when he finally takes a chance to look at your face.

Things are so shakily composed between the two of you, that he’s somewhat afraid if he lets you go back downstairs to your apartment you’ll spiral and come up with a hundred reasons not to give you guys a shot.

Maybe he’s being insecure, sue him.

You seem to understand where he’s coming from, the tenuous connection hanging delicately in the air between the two of you. Nodding, your fingers play with the hem of his shirt fitfully before you rush to his shower, like if you waited for another second you might not be able to peel yourself off him.

He inflates with pride at that too.

Bradley overestimated his abilities, probably, when he promised to behave. He didn’t think about how hard it would be not to think about you naked in his shower while he seeks out ingredients to throw together for dinner.

Didn’t think about how good you’d smell, fragrant with his body wash as you wrap your arms around him from behind.

Bradley’s movements are shaky, and jerky when he turns around to kiss you. He clears his throat, and only just barely keeps himself from running his hands underneath the baggy top that hangs off your shoulders. “Is that my shirt?”

You freeze. “I…yes. Is that okay? I didn’t have anything with me, but I can run downstairs…”

You say something under your breath that he can’t quite make out. Your face is completely unreadable and Bradley’s body flashes hot and cold every other second.

“No, don’t, it, uh, looks good on you,” he says finally when he’s pretty sure he’s not going to rip it in the process of pulling it over your head.

Bradley’s taking deep breaths, using grounding techniques. He breathes in through his nose, and out through his mouth. He knows you’re not trying to tease him. You’re not doing anything, not really.

This is Florida, everyone is scantily clad more often than they’re not.

If he’s going to behave, he’s going to have to tap into that self-control he beat himself over the head with every time he saw you in a bikini before today.

It’s just so much worse now that he’s allowed to touch you.

“It’s hard, with you looking like that in my shirt. I want to fuck you stupid,” he admits.

Your mouth drops open in surprise.

“But I think we should take things slow. I don’t want to mess this up by jumping in before we’re ready.”

His cock twitches when he notices the disappointment you’re not trying very hard to hide.

“Okay,” you pout. “You’re probably right.”

You turn to open the fridge, leaning to grab a water and his shirt rides up a little higher on your already bare legs.

Bradley groans, head falling back to stare at the ceiling. “Baby, you’re killing me.”

You can’t believe how much you hated Florida beaches when you first moved. The Keys are beautiful, with endless white sand and clear water.

You convince Bradley to stop by Publix on the way back, with promises of pasta for dinner. You really just want a sub to take to work tomorrow, but you’re not going to tell him that.

The poor cashier practically swallows her tongue when she sees Bradley, shirt open over his bare chest and covered in sand, sunglasses sliding down his nose that’s pink from the sun. He makes sure to look at her name tag and smiles genuinely at her when he asks, Alice, how’s your day going?

You’re going to pass out.

Completely unaware of his own effect, Bradley just swipes his card.

It’d be infuriating if it wasn’t so adorable.

This time you’re counting all the ways he’s not Jake, but it’s a good thing. Jake would’ve preened, leaned into smirk, just so he could see the blush rise on the poor girl’s cheeks.

It’s not that that’s bad, you know you do the same sometimes. Smirking at guys you know are giving you a once-over while you make their drinks, sparkle in your eyes because you don’t always hate the attention.

But it’s oddly endearing with Bradley, how he doesn’t seem to know the effect he has on people. Like he doesn’t fly multi-million-dollar planes for a living, like he couldn’t use that to get any girl he wanted in his bed.

He’s just being mean when you guys get to the car, flinging his unbuttoned shirt off and into the back of the Bronco and muttering something about tan lines.

Your mouth is watering.

When you get back to your complex, you snag his forgotten shirt and form a plan.

“Caliiiiiii,” Bradley sings as he bursts into your apartment. It’s a good thing you never listened to Beth about locking your front door because shirtless Bradley Bradshaw is a sight to behold. “Showered so you wouldn’t complain about—”

You hear him stop dead in his tracks at the entrance to your kitchen. When you look over your shoulder at him those plush lips are parted, eyes roaming over the back of you. You’re clad in one of his marginally less offensive button-ups (at least there aren’t any birds on it), thrown hastily over your bikini.

“How gentlemanly of you to shower for dinner with little ol’ me,” you giggle. “But I have to admit I haven’t had time for more than rinsing the sand off.”

He ignores you completely, tone accusing like you hadn’t spoken at all. “You’re doing this on purpose.”

You consider denying it but can’t fully hold back the smirk forming. “Well, you seemed to enjoy it when I wore your shirt last time.”

Bradley just nods dumbly.

“Anyways, don’t get too excited, this is one of three dishes I can actually make, but I thought we’d…” You trail off because he’s suddenly right behind you, crowding you so you feel the heat radiating from him as he brackets you with his arms.

“Nope,” he says tersely. “Dinner can wait. Turn off the stove.”

He turns you around so he can kiss you, slow and deliberate. His tongue slides between your lips assertively, hands tapping on your thighs as a sign for you to hop backward and up on the counter. “Tell me if it’s too much, okay?”

“Wait, what?” You ask, but he’s already on his knees.

You should’ve known then and there he was going to be nothing but trouble.

The first time Bradley makes you come, you’re still in the kitchen. He’s kneeling with his face buried in your pussy, skimpy bathing suit bottoms long flung behind him, lips curled around your clit insistently even as your thighs clutch his head in a way that must be uncomfortable. After all his talk of wanting to wait and do things right, it’s almost funny. Would be, if your mind wasn’t currently busy whiting out.

The second time, he drags you to the living room before you’ve had any time to recover and pulls your back against his chest in front of the couch. The tall mirror in the corner of the living room displays the absolute debauchery unfolding on the floor in the middle of your apartment.

“Keep your legs open, baby. You can do that, right? Be good for me?”

You’re nodding before you even know what you’re doing, head jerking up and down like a bobblehead.

“Fuck, look at you,” he croons in between the nips he’s determinedly pressing on your neck. Barely even a command, you still look up, watching your reflection as his lips trace across the top of your shoulder, mustache leaving red marks in its wake. One hand is busy tugging the strings of your bathing suit top loose so he can toss it out of his way, while the other drifts to tease your inner thighs.

Bronze eyes meet yours in the mirror and he grins, like the cat that got the canary. “Gorgeous, darlin’.” And then he pushes two fingers into you without warning, the stretch making you keen as your head falls back on his shoulder. “You’ve no idea how much I’ve thought about you like this.”

“Ohmygo—Bradley.” You turn your head to kiss him, but it ends up being little more than your lips slotting together and you moaning straight into his mouth as he fucks his fingers in relentlessly, your hands gripping his arms like they can’t decide if they want to pull him in closer or push him away, oversensitive as you are from his mouth.

You sink into him, into his hands, his grip. Let it erase the gravity that keeps you tethered to the ground, let yourself flutter high above the clouds.

You don’t even realize how close you are until he curls his fingers inside you to graze that soft spot, thumbing at your clit. His other hand palms your tit and tweaks your nipple at the same time his teeth close on your neck and you’re done for, letting it crash into you, cunt clenching around his fingers and back arching away from his chest.

It takes you a few seconds to come down, eyes closed as you blindly turn your head in search of Bradley’s mouth. He kisses you sweetly, but briefly and you make a noise of discontent when he pulls away. You open your eyes to glower at him but when you do, you see a filthy gleam in his eyes that warms you straight to your core like you didn’t just come twice in two different rooms of your house.

His fingers are suddenly pressing at your lips, and you watch his eyes glaze over as you take them in and suck, licking your release from his fingers. You’re suddenly very, very aware of how hard he is behind you, thighs clenching at the realization that he’s straining against his shorts, grinding against your ass because he’s so turned on from getting you off.

God, he’s so perfect it’s not even fair.

His digits in your mouth are giving you your own wicked ideas, about returning the favor as you wriggle your way around to face him. It’s a good thing his other arm immediately goes to support you because you’re pretty sure your legs are made of jelly.

He seems to read your mind, or maybe just the way your cheeks hollow around his fingers as you look down to the bulge in his pants, lips already forming wicked promises as he pulls his hand away from you. “Next time, baby. Need to be inside you.”

The high-pitched whimper that leaves you at that would be embarrassing if you could currently remember that you have downstairs neighbors. You can’t, though, so who cares.

“Want you to ride me,” he grunts. “Have to see how gorgeous my girl looks bouncing in my lap. Can you do that for me?”

To be honest, you’re not sure you can. It’s a 50/50 chance your legs will give out the moment Bradley stops holding you up, but you want to, want to so badly.

You nod anyways, figuring odds are Bradley will catch you if you melt into the floor, and he swings around so he can lay flat on the rug. His shirt slips off your shoulders, getting trapped around your elbows as you lean forward to support yourself on his chest. You’re about to fling it off when he makes a strangled noise, hands going to bring the material back up.

“Baby, please.” There’s a little whine in Bradley’s voice that turns you inside out. “Keep it on.”

That sweetness, that little crack in his dominance is way hotter than it has any right to be.

You make quick work of his shorts, biting your lip as you pull him out, his tip red and leaking precum.

“Christ, Bradley, this how you got your callsign?” You manage to mumble as he pulls you up to balance your hand on his chest again.

The bastard winks. “I know you can take it. Been so good for me, why stop now?”

Using your free hand to guide you, you sink down slowly, not bothering to hold in the moans at the stretch of him.

Stars are bursting behind your eyes that are squeezed tight against the intensity of it, your slick walls are oversensitive and shaking already. Bradley’s hands are clenched on your hips, trying not to move before you’re ready.

You roll your hips, starting to find your rhythm, and he groans, head thumping back against the floor.

When he looks back up at you his eyes are almost completely black. “Look so fucking beautiful bouncing on my cock, darlin'.”

He reaches up to grab your tits, thumbs brushing over your nipples just to make you squirm even more, before trailing his fingers down to your clit as he starts shifting up to meet the grind of your hips and it’s so much, too much, sending sparks straight through you.

You shudder. “Bradley—da—I can’t.”

There’s something knowing in his gaze, at your pace stuttering, at your half-formed words trying to claw their way out of your throat. He slows as you do, ever so slightly pulling his finger from your clit. “Need a break, baby?”

You bite your lip, refusing to meet his molten gaze, giving only a tiny shake of your head, trying to find your rhythm again.

When he smirks, you can feel it permeating the air around you. “That’s what I thought. One more, I know you can give me one more.”

He plants his feet flat on the floor behind you, giving himself the power and leverage to fuck you in earnest from below. You’re trembling, you know sounds are leaving your mouth, but you’ve no idea if they’re words at this point.

You’re not fluttering above the clouds anymore, you’re flying, speeding through, fast and hard and riotous.

Bradley’s voice is low and gravelly, but he’s looking up at you with reverence. “It’s okay, baby, you can let go. I’ve got you, gonna take care of my girl.”

“Daddy,” you whine, any sense of coherency, shame, or worry having left you two orgasms ago.

The sound that rips from Bradley’s chest at that is rough and guttural, hands going to your hips in a bruising hold. “That’s right, gonna come for daddy like a good girl, aren’t you?”

You’re nodding, babbling, keening yesdaddyyesfuckbradley— You dig your nails into his chest as it hits you. Electricity ripples under your skin, through your veins, dominoes cascading down and hitting every nerve ending in your body. It’s right on the edge of pain, body worn out and spent from tensing and releasing.

“Fuck, baby, so gorgeous when you come on my cock, gonna fuck my girl so full,” he grunts, big hands bouncing you like a ragdoll in his lap.

Even through the fog, his words hit you hard. “Fuck—please, daddy.”

His thrusts get shallower, wilder, before his back arches from the floor, mouth spilling incoherent praise, holding you down onto him as he spills inside of you.

You slump down onto him, the only sound in the room yours and Bradley’s heavy breathing.

You’re falling apart, body trembling and shaking, and you’re still on the floor. You’ve no idea how you’ll survive when Bradley finally takes you to a bed.

“Jesus,” he whispers. “And here I was thinking you couldn’t get any hotter.”

You flush pink immediately, wincing as you move to get off him, wetness sliding down your thighs. He scoops you up almost immediately, carrying you to the shower and mumbling under his breath about making sure to keep daddy’s cum inside of you.

“Oh my god, Bradley,” you whine. “I can’t go again."

The pasta is completely unsalvageable by the time you get out of the shower. He’s lucky you’re willing to share your precious sandwich with him.

When you see your downstairs neighbor the next day, she immediately reddens and turns on her heel to get away from you.

You’re back at the beach when Penny gets a call from you.

“Burning off some energy,” you tell her when she asks what you’re up to. “I’ve had a lot of that lately.”

“Should’ve just let me introduce you to Rooster from the beginning.”

“Who says this has anything to do with Rooster?” You ask, even though both of you know you’re lying through your teeth.

“Nothing wrong with being happy, honey.” You can hear her smiling through the phone.

“I might actually be happy?” You joke. “Is that what this is?”

“You guys are in the honeymoon phase. Every song on the radio is about you, neither of you can do anything wrong—”

“Oh, he does plenty wrong, believe me—”

Penny isn’t bothering to hide her laugh anymore, but her tone is still soft and caring. “It’s sweet. Rooster’s a good guy. He’s been through a lot.”

“He is. I’m kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop,” you admit. “Wish I could just enjoy it.”

“It’s hard. You don’t give your heart away easily,” Penny responds like you’re easy to read, easy to understand.

Maybe you are.

“You wouldn’t be taking this chance unless he was worth it,” she adds when you don’t answer, too busy thinking about how maybe that mask you’ve always worn isn’t as opaque as you thought it was.

Maybe that’s fine. Maybe you really are as strong as you pretended to be with that mask.

That’s the thing about masks. Sometimes you realize they’re more a part of you than you ever thought. When you thought you were faking it the whole time.

“He’s definitely worth it.”

Rooster raises an eyebrow at you, having come back to the tree you’ve taken residence under.

“Talking about my other boyfriend,” you tease, trying not to get distracted by the swimsuit that seems to be riding lower than it was before he ventured into the water.

“Hand the phone to Rooster, I want to talk to him.”

You giggle, sticking it out in his direction. “Penny wants to talk to you.”

“If you think my loyalty here lies with you, you're sorely mistaken,” Penny says, warning dancing all over her tone.

“You don’t have to be worried, Pen.” Bradley looks at you, eyes warm, fingers drifting up your legs. “If anyone’s gonna get their heart broken here, it’s me.”

d a y 3 6 7

You don’t notice the date, but a year since you moved to Florida, almost to the day, you realize you’re in love with Bradley Bradshaw.

As it turns out, loving Bradley is like flying high above the clouds.

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