#wow who out here making me cry at 9am in the morning

[ashton-ryder]

❓️What are your real feeling for Jeremiah?

SEND ❓+ A QUESTION AND MY MUSE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

He hesitated to answer the question for a long time, confronting and reflecting internally on his own feelings that he's been trying to ignore in the years, only at ease to know his truthful answer will simply be lost to the void if he spoke here, no one needed to know, no one needed a mess he'd create.

"...I love him. In its simplest forms of the term, and its most complicated forms of the term. He was the first person I met here and despite whatever tough exterior he pretends there is, all I saw was kindness and understanding, -or maybe it was just pity I don't know. But then we got closer, helped me through that year of sobriety, always hanging out with the Roses, subconsciously always by his side when we all hung out. I knew it maybe two years back (though JP is convinced he's seen it ever since the beginning, I've always denied everything to him, but I see the way he pushes and nudges), but I've just ignored it, painted the feelings as just the same love I had for Charlie and JP. That was easier to lie to myself that way anyways to avoid any pain. ..I love Jeremiah enough to know he doesn't deserve a mess of this problem if I was to be selfish about my feelings. I don't deserve to be selfish here. Plus, whatever he has.. going on with Sada, it's not my place to be selfish. He doesn't need anything else ruined for him in his life when so much already has. The friendship we have is good -is enough, Charlie and JP both say Jer's better with it, and so am I.

I love him - undoubtedly, unequivocally and unquestionably so. And I love him too much to be a person to ruin our friendship and ruin something in his life again. Until that changes, this is enough." @jeremiah-rose

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 3.1 Transcript: The One Thing in the Galaxy God Didn't Have Her Eyes On

[Good Omens GarageBand theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens. 

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 3: “Hard Times.” What if we all just died forever and ever? [laughing]

G: God! Literally, what if we just all cancelled all of our appointments, and just wailed at this time for eternity. "Eternity!" as Crowley would say. [C laughs]

C: Indeed! What if we just ran out into the streets and rent our clothes publicly? [G laughs] Like, what if we did whatever besides any of the things? [screams] Oh, okay, well. This was an episode of TV show!

G: Well, context first, I guess. We have to- we have to. So we we record every Sunday.

C: Yeah. Wow, that's so Biblical of us. [G laughs] Sunday morning, so this is our church.

G: [laughs] No, it's Sunday night for me so, this is like, Aziraphale and Crowley drinking at the bookshop levels of divinity for me. We recorded Sunday. And then, immediately after, I watched Episode 3. And I promptly completely lost it. [both laughing]

C: As I hoped you would.

G: No but, the thing is, it was Sunday, and literally like, I finished watching around 1AM. And the entire time I was thinking, "Oh, well, should I rewatch it? Should I rewatch it? [laughs] No, I shan't. Like, that's too- that's too much! I should just calm down and try to sleep. I have classes tomorrow." And then, like, I slept at 3AM. I woke up at 5AM literally shaking. [C laughing] I was shaking. I was like, "Oh my god! Oh my god!" And then, like, at around 9AM, I was like, "I have to do it." And then I just ended up watching it again. [C laughs] And that was the state of being I was in, like, almost- not almost. Every single day, I watched at least the first 30 minutes of this episode [laughs] for the entirety of this week.

C: Yeah. As you should

G: And like, at some point I was like, "I'm just going to watch the Soho scene of Aziraphale saying, 'You go too fast for me Crowley'"-

C: No, don't!

G: On repeat on YouTube over and over again for like, an hour. [laughs] So yeah. It's truly- it's truly been an eventful week for me, but the only event is this.

C: Yeah, yeah. And I guess, I mean, from my POV, it's just, we record episode 2. You're like, "Good show. Don't know how invested I am in them as a romantic couple." [G laughs] And I like, go shaking and trembling through my day like, waiting for you to watch Episode 3, and I don't have to wait very long. About like, five minutes in, you send me, "I get it now. They're gay as hell," and I can breathe easy. Except I'm also not breathing easy because I've watched this episode this week, so instead, I am screaming, shaking, crying, tossing about in my bed at all hours.

G: What is all this? Literally, what's all this? What's all this, then? [both laughing] That's my main question. What the fuck is all this then?

C: They weren't gonna have a Season 2! This was just gonna be- like, they were gonna never kiss, and this is just gonna be here!

G: I doubt it. I doubt it! Like, Neil Gaiman must have been like, "No, we're gonna have a Season 2!"

C: I don't think so. Like, he wrote all of this like, way back when.

G: Oh, yeah, there's a 20-something scriptbook or whatever.

C: There's a script of Episode 1 from 2015, and there's a slightly updated scriptbook that he has sold. [G breathes shakily] I don't think that he was planning to make a Season 2 until after Season 1 was released and it made so much money, so. Well. I still wish he hadn't made a Season 2, even after all this. [G laughs]

G: I have to read the fucking Good Omens-

C: Synopsis.

G: Synopsis. Yeah, okay. So the synopsis for Season 1, Episode 3: "Hard Times" is, "First, a walk through history looking at Aziraphale and Crowley's friendship down through the age. In the present, Anathema unwittingly befriends the Antichrist, and the two celestial friends put their agent to work finding the boy, unaware that it's the same agent."

C: Uh-huh. And then they broke up. But I guess that wouldn't be in the synopsis. [both exhale]

G: Well, let's start. We need not delay it further.

-

C: Mm-hm. So we start back in Eden, 4004 BC. And I guess before, I was saying the Apocalypse was happening in 2019. I can't do math. It's in 2016. That's 4004 BC plus 6000. But yeah. So we return to Aziraphale before(?) he's met Crowley or after, I can't tell. Can you tell?

G: This is after. This is after.

C: Okay, after.

G: Yeah. Because I feel like if it was before, Aziraphale would have mentioned that the Almighty has asked about the sword. But like, that, conversation comes in Mesopotamia, so I'm ssuming this comes in between the first ep meeting and this.

C: That's true. That sounds correct.

G: You know what I mean.

C: Yeah, yeah. I get what you mean. Okay. And the fact that this opens on Aziraphale sort of establishes all the flashbacks as being from Aziraphale's point of view [G exhales], and sort of this whole episode as well, so that's fun.

G: Yes! Yes! We barely see Crowley- well, not barely, but you know what I mean.

C: Episode 1 was like, definitely [both] Crowley point of view because we see her get the baby, and then, like, do all the nun swap shit. So yeah, we're switching it up.

God like, shines her light over him and asks him where the sword is, and he goes, "Uh-huh. Oh yeah. Big, sharp, cutty thing. Uh... I must have put it down here somewhere." [G laughs] And then the light disappears, and then he continues going, like, "Forget my own head next." And then he notices that God has already left, and he goes, "Oh dear!" So the thing is like, he lied to God.

G: He literally straight-up fucking lied.

C: Like, that's what Adam and Eve got kicked out for! [both laughing] Like, he just watched Adam and Eve be so funny, and he decided to be hilarious. It's just so- like, okay, it's not necessarily what Adam and Eve got kicked out for. Like, they probably just got kicked out for eating the apple in the first place. But I guess my interpretation of Genesis 3 has always been like, God asking like, "Where are you?" after like. Admin Eve had hidden themselves was like, a chance at redemption or something.

G: Yeah. I mean, that's also the vibe with Cain and Abel, right? Like, it's like, the real straw on the camel's back with Cain and Abel is God asking Cain, like, "Where's your brother?" and him going, [overlapping] "Am I my brother's keeper?" It's still lying. Like, that is very much like, you can interpret it as the "chance of redemption but you didn't do it, so now you're off to be cursed forever."

C: Yes. Right. So Aziraphale lies to God.

G: Hell yeah!

C: God like, doesn't even stick around after like, his first lie to hear the rest of it.

G: [laughing] She was like, "It's Crover. Aziraphale has already lied."

C: [laughing] She literally was like, "It's Crover." But yeah, okay, so why did he do it? Like, was he so like, just worried in the moment that he was just like, "I'm about to commit the sin of all time, and also the only sin that's happened so far-" though I mean, I guess the demons Fell already. So there was other shit. But like, yeah. why'd he do it?

G: Well, he was feeling silly and goofy.

C: He sure was feeling silly and goofy. Okay, God like, knows he lied, but he doesn't Fall or anything. Like, what- Why did She ask? And why didn't She do anything when he lied?

G: Those are interesting questions. I don't really know how to answer them.

C: Yeah. This was a test of some sort. But like, maybe he passed the test?

G: Yeah. Well, She's ineffable, as we constantly hear.

C: Yeah, but this seems sort of like he passed the test if She didn't do anything about it. Because it's like, "Oh, well, I need an angel stationed on Earth to watch over the humans. Like, I was just like, super mean to them, but like, maybe I want someone who believes in them or like, will protect them over their faith to me in like, moments of need." Like, maybe he passed.

G: Yeah. Maybe he did pass.

C: Yeah. But he doesn't know he passed, which gave him an anxiety disorder for the rest of time which is ruining my favorite character's life [G laughs], so God should have been a better communicator.

G: This is true!

C: Okay, book fact: The way that this appears in the book is that-

G: Wait. I thought you said the flashbacks are not in the book.

C: Yes, the flashbacks are not in the book, but this information is conveyed to us in the book that this exchange happened. And the way that it happens is that Aziraphale was like, across the street from a printing press that did Bibles and shit, and one of these, like, the early practices of this printing press was that they would hang their proofs out to dry, and then passersby could correct typos and things. And Aziraphale went over to their pages of Genesis, and he wrote this out on there. And that conveys a very different vibe than Aziraphale in the show because that means that book Aziraphale was like, "I'm proud of this happening. And I want everyone know. I want these Bibles to be printed to have this scene of an angel lying to God and getting away with it [G laughing] right after Adam and Eve and the serpent all get fucked to hell about it."

G: Hell yeah.

C: Like, [laughing] what did he mean by that? It can't just be like a "nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh, I got out of it, and you didn't get out of it." Like, I mean this feels like he's fully encouraging people who read this to give disobedience a go and see if they get lucky.

G: Maybe after years and years and years, he started to think of it the same way you did. That maybe it was the right thing to do.

C: Yeah. I think that that's true of book. Aziraphale. Especially because the way the writing goes is like, there's no Aziraphale going, "Oh, dear!" or saying like, "Big, sharp, cutty thing." He's a lot more assertive in the book. He just- well, he still is nervous, but he says, "I had it here only a moment ago. I must have put it down somewhere. Forget my own head next," and then the next line in the Bible thing is, "And the Lord did not ask him again." And that's just the end of Genesis 3 in this version of the Bible being printed.

G: I wuv it.

C: So like, there's no like, light leaving. There's no whatever. It's just like, "And the Lord did not ask him again."

G: Hell yeah.

C: Hell fucking yeah. And also, this was the same printing press that tried to print Agnes Nutter's book of prophecies, so like, it's like, the same time period as the witch burning [G laughing] that he was like, "I'm gonna tell everyone that I lied to God."

G: I was imagining, like, 1800s, you know, but this is way funnier!

C: Nope. They were burning witches, and he was telling everyone to go fucking lie to God and that he was proud of it.

G: No!

C: God! Book Aziraphale's so hot. Anyway.

-

G: Yes. Well, we proceed to a thousand years later in Mesopotamia.

C: A thousand whole years later! Have they even seen each other since then? It doesn't seem like it.

G: No! Because the first thing Crowley asks is, "What happened to the flaming sword?"

C: Right, right. So this is them picking up their 1000 years ago conversation.

G: Yeah. So at the beginning of each era, we're going to do like, a looks evaluation. And in general, Aziraphale doesn't really change much, looks-wise.

C: He changes a decent amount. But his hair is always exactly the same.

G: His hair is always exactly the same except for when he gets sideburns later. But like, in general, [laughs] he looks the same, you know? It's Crowley who, like, really transformed every iteration.

C: Yeah, she really walk walk fashion baby-s her way through the millennia.

G: Yeah! I think the song for Crowley is, in fact, "walk, walk, fashion, baby," and the song for Aziraphale is "he's living in a material world, and he is a material girl." This is so fucking true for me.

C: I don't know I've ever heard those songs. I think I only know the lyrics 'cause they're referenced in textposts.

G: You don't know "Material Girl"?

C: No. I know "Immaterial" by SOPHIE. I think that's enough material songs to know. [G laughs]

G: Well, all you have to know about material girl is Aziraphale is one.

C: Got it.

G: Yeah. So we're in Mesopotamia. Crowley shows up, in the most beautiful voice goes, "Hello, Aziraphale." [laughs] I am so enamored by Crowley, and I think it is hugely because this is Aziraphale POV episode, and so we see Crowley from Aziraphale's perspective.

C: And they're just like, way hotter now to you because of Aziraphale thinking they're so hot?

G: Yeah, I think so. [laughs]

C: I think that this is just what Crowley's like 'cause they're my special little princess. But yeah.

G: Crowley asks about the sword and Aziraphale says, "She's never mentioned it again. So..." This sword definitely will be relevant. I am sure of it.

C: Yeah. Maybe it's already been relevant.

G: Has it? Okay. Well, as they talk, it is revealed that this is when Noah's ark happens, so it's The Great Flood and everything. So right now, all the animals and all of Noah's family and blah blah blah are being loaded up to the ark, and in explanation of this, Aziraphale says that "God's a bit tetchy," which I have viciously added to my vocabulary.

C: Tetchy's a great word.

G: Tetchy. Yeah, I love it. And so She's sending a big storm. Crowley's asks if everyone is going to die, and Aziraphale says, "No, just the locals. God's not angry with the other people of the world."

C: "God's not upset with the Chinese." But as you, Grey, said, if God's not upset with the Chinese, why am I suffering so much right now?

G: No, for real. If God isn't upset with the Chinese, Aziraphale and Crowley should have kissed by the end of Season 1 and not in a miserable Season 2.

C: Exactly.

G: Crowley looks around and sees children, and-

C: Specifically, he sees goats and children-

G: [laughing] Oh yeah! Oh my god!

C: - goats and children in the same shot.

G: No, that's funny as hell because the next line is, "Not the kids. You can't kill kids." and it could very well may be the goats.

C: [laughs] Exactly! Okay. So the thing about this scene is, I think, [laughing] the first time I cried while watching this episode, when Crowley says that line. Just, okay. She's been here for 1000 years right? Like, they were here before childbirth.

G: Way before.

C: Yeah, they like, were here before humanity. They were here before Eve. They were here before Eve gave birth and like, before they like, witnessed Adam and Cain in some way which, like, is in a lot of fanfictions. Go check them out. And-

G: Who the hell is Adam and Cain?

C: Sorry, Cain and Abel. [G laughing] I don't give a shit.

G: Okay, okay. Anyway.

C: And like, yeah, okay, he's been here for a thousand years, and in that time, like, he's learned to love children more than any other thing on earth. Because, like, someone asked Neil Gaiman, "What is Crowley's favorite animal?" And he replied, "Kids." And that works so well, 'cause like, children do ask questions all the time and are disobedient and like, irreverent, and like, of course Crowley would like that. And yeah. I don't know. It's so, so good. Also, if you wanted to read a kidfic- a book fic that is a kidfic is "A Glittering Instrument" by malicegeres, and it's about Crowley having a daughter, and everyone should read it.

G: Crowley points out that this is all so horrible, and it feels more hellish than it does heavenly. And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, but, you know, the Almighty is going to put up a 'rain bow' [both laugh] after all this, so it's not that bad." And the words "rain bow" has been playing in my head constantly since I watched this episode. And he almost says, like, Aziraphale almost says, you know, "God's plans are-" and Crowley goes, "Are you going to say ineffable?" And that stops Aziraphale from saying it. And, you know, it's just Crowley pointing out that like, "Isn't this all so horrible?" and blah blah blah. Anyway, a unicorn runs away [laughs], which I thought was funny. And yeah, it starts raining. RIP.

C: Okay. So I would say that Crowley does point out, but I think Aziraphale knows the whole time like, that it's fucked up.

G: Yeah.

C: I don't think he means a single thing that he's saying out loud. Like, in the scriptbook, they have taken out a line where Aziraphale's like, "Oh, I really shouldn't be telling you this because you're a demon, but-" before he goes into the explanation of the Noah thing, and even before that happens, he's like, wringing his hands and like, pinching his mouth and stuff, and it's like when Crowley arrives, I feel like he's so relieved that he can finally tell someone who he knows will be sympathetic about this.

G: Yeah.

C: 'Cause he can't tell the humans 'cause like, he can't. And he can't talk to Heaven about it because all of them are like, "This is great. What do you mean?" And like, he sees Crowley, and he's like, "I haven't seen this person in a thousand years, but like, he thought that God was punishing the humans too much when She kicked them out of Eden, so like, this is like, maybe the one person I can talk to who will go like, 'No, you're not crazy. This is fucked up.'" And like, Aziraphale won't voice that out loud himself, but he is like, giving Crowley ins to just like, criticize God out loud, so that Aziraphale can just like, have that around. [both] Yeah. And also, I think Aziraphale also says, "Crowley, you can't judge the Almighty" before the "God's plans are ineffable thing," which I guess is gonna be relevant when they break the fuck up. [laughs]

G: Yeah. I mean, a repeating thing that Crowley says in the St. James's Park in the breakup scene is that, like, he says, "We have a lot in common, you and me." And then later, he goes like, you know, "It's our side. We're more similar" and like, etc etc. And this is very much like, "Oh, this is where it starts," you know? Like, they are more similar [laughs] than Aziraphale would care to admit.

-

C: We cut to- I have no idea how to pronounce this. Golgotha? Golgotta?

G: I think it's Golgotta. The thing is, little aside about the name, I was actually surprised that they usde the word Golgotha because in every prayer, every like, gospel, every station of the cross that I've ever been to, attended anything, it's always Calvary. It's never Golgotha. Ad like, I know, the word Golgotha, but like, it is constantly always Calvary. And then like, sometimes there's an aside of "aka Golgotha," you know. So when it showed up, and I was like, "Huh! That's interesting. What are the difference between those two words?" And Golgotha is an Aramaic word, and Calvary is Latin. I don't know what the implications of that are. I really don't. I just like- it caught my attention and I thought it was interesting.

C: Which one came first or whatever?

G: I don't know what language came first but I think I am to assume that the Golgotha is what they called it there, and Calvary is kind of like, the translation to Latin.

C: That makes sense. Interesting. So we're in Golgotha, 33 AD, which means it's been 3037 years since the last scene. [G exhales loudly] That's half the lifespan of the earth. What the hell? Do we think they've seen each other since? Probably. In fact, yes, so.

G: Wh- is that a spoiler? Or like, does it happen later, or- Okay, well, whatever. But I do think that they've seen each other before this. But there's no like, proof in this episode. It's just vibes to me.

C: Yeah, it is just vibes. Right, so their looks. Aziraphale’s wearing like, a turban and white robes, and Crowley has like, black robes on, and sort of like, a looser, like, scarf as like, a hood over her face. And it is confirmed by Neil Gaiman, and also just people studying their clothing styles that, like, Crowley is female-presenting in this scene, and that does make me crazy and insane. So yeah. God. Good for her.

G: Crowley looks so good in this scene. Can I just say that, like, I'm sorry, Jesus. [both laughing] I know you're being crucified right now. But have we considered that Crowley looks so good in this scene?

C: While you were spreading your arms, I was spreading my legs, etc, etc.

G: No, for real. Yeah! [C laughs]

C: But yeah, okay. And also, like, her hair looks really good. Because I feel like in earlier ones, like, I feel like, I've heard people describing her earlier hair looks as like, "hair just got invented." Like, the wig isn't that great.

G: Literally- do you know that post that's like, "After trans people start presenting like, more masculinely or femininely or whatever, like, give them some leeway because they're just figuring this shit out. Like, you didn't have perfect hair in middle school, so fucking let them be. Let them figure it out." That's how I feel about Crowley in the beginning. Like, literally, let her figure it out!

C: Yeah, yeah. But here, her hair is like, beautiful and wavy.

G: It's been figured out.

C: Yeah, it just looks very, very nice. Very groomed.

G: Yeah. It's like, swooped a little bit to his side. Ah! So nice!

C: Yeah, yeah. Hello! Aziraphale's watching the crucifixion, and Crowley comes up to him and asks, like, "Oh, you've come to smirk at the poor bugger, have you?" And Aziraphale's like, "What? No. Why?" and Crowley is like, "Well, you- like, Heaven did this." And Aziraphale goes, "I'm not consulted on policy decisions." [laughs] Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Also, like, I don't know. It's nice that Crowley is like- that both of them are hurt a little bit during this conversation. Like, both of them care about Jesus a lot or whatever.

G: Yeah.

C: Aziraphale calls her "Crawly," and she says, "Oh, I've changed it. Crawl just wasn't really doing it for me. It's a bit too squirming at your feet-ish." And she says that her name is now Crowley, and [laughs] I think I started crying again [G laughs] 'cause I love trans people so much. Like, the fact that this is like, her first female-presenting form coinciding with her first name change is really really nice. It's really nice.

G: Yeah! I know, yeah.

C: And- tell me more about your name, babygirl? Like, is it because of like, crows like the animal like? Do you like those? Like, what's up? I would like to hear. Aziraphale proceeds to get to deadname Crowley for like, 500 years after this.

G: [laughs] I know.

C: But you know. We'll get to that. [both laugh] [both] God. They talk a bit about Jesus, and Crowley says that, you know, "He seemed a very bright young man," and she showed him all the kingdom of the world just because his travel opportunities are limited, and she wanted to give him a shot at that. You're Catholic.

G: Hell yeah.

C: Wasn't it the devil or something who did that? Who did that?

G: I think it was the serpent in the garden of something.

C: Oh, okay. So this is just her continuing her role.

G: Yeah, like, Jesus prays for a bunch of days in a garden, and the serpent comes in and is like, "Ooh." I think maybe that was it. I may be completely fucking wrong, but you know.

C: Okay. I thought that the tempting Jesus was like, part of what God wanted. Was it just like, a solo policy decision on Hell's part? I don't know. They have like, a joke thing that I thought it was boring, who give a shit, that was just like, Crowley being like, "What was it he said that got everyone so upset?" "Oh, it was 'be kind to each other.'" "Oh, yeah, that'll do it." Okay, man. Whatever. Who give a shit?

G: [laughs] That's not what Jesus said! But okay.

C: [laughs] That's not what Jesus said. He would not fucking say that.

G: [laughing] I mean, he would probably say that, but that's not the reason why he got crucified. Come on, man!

C: Yeah.

-

G: We go to Rome.

C: Only eight years later!

G: Eight years later, yeah. And [laughs] this is a scene.

C: Okay, yes, but outfit review first, right? Okay, they're both in togas, right? I have two notes about the togas. First, Aziraphale's a crew neck and Crowley's is a v-neck in the draping, so like, eternal slut since like, 25 BC- or, sorry, no, we're already in AD, so-

G: [laughs] The notes are fucking wrong.

C: - eternal slut since 41 AD. Secondly, like, they both have clasps on their togas, and Aziraphale’s is like, an angel wing, and Crowley has, like, a black- or sorry, a silver snake clasp that's also sort of shaped like the letter omega.

G: Hell yeah.

C: So. Something to think about.

G: [laughs] Make of that what you will.

C: Make of that what you will.

G: Yeah. So in here, Aziraphale is at a tavern in a table playing some like, stone game by himself when he overhears Crowley by the bar, ordering "a drink." Any drinkable thing.

C: With the worst hair that he's ever had.

G: Well... Well, "ever had," but I think he gets worse hair later. It well may be.

C: Huh! Interesting. I think I am a big fan of the Rome hair because of how stupid it looks, but one cannot refute that it looks really stupid.

G: I love it.

C: It's just like, David Tennant's regular hair, like, close-cropped, but like, they've just like, glued ringlets, like, around at the bottom. Like, there's not even a blent-

G: You know what I want to say?

C: What?

G: I think the worst hair Crowley's ever had is his hair in 2019.

C: [laughs] For real!

G: So miserable.

C: God. Grow that thing out again or so help me god. He gets even worse hair in Season 2.

G: No! Well, sad! But yeah, Aziraphale is so excited to see him!

C: I know.

G: He is so excited. And, you know, he approaches him and then goes, "Fancy seeing you here! Still a demon?" which is so, like, "Do you come here often?" [C laughing] Okay. He literally- this is flirting. They're flirting. Am I delusional? I don't think I am.

C: Well, first, he deadnames him.

G: Oh, yeah, that's true! [laughing] Peak flirting.

C: Well, at least he self-corrects. Yeah, he goes, "Crawly? Sorry, Crowley. Fancy running into you here."

G: He doesn't bother to do it later.

C: Yeah. He doesn't. What's wrong with him? It's been 8 years, and I understand that time works on a different scale for them, so like, I'll let this one go, but 500 years later? [both laugh] Girl.

G: No, it's funny, because, like, at the beginning of this scene, Crowley seems like, a bit pissed off. Like, he's like, snarky and all that, 'cause, you know, Aziraphale asks, like, "Oh, still a demon?" and he goes, "Oh, what kind of stupid question is that? What else am I going to be? An aardvark?" like, he's very snarky, and it's not delivered in a kind, comedic way. Like, he's like, irritated. Aziraphale, completely unfazed by the snark. And he asks, like, "Oh, are you gonna be in Rome long?" And Crowley goes like, "Oh, I'm just here for a quick temptation." And Aziraphale volunteers the information that he is here to have some oysters in Petronius's new restaurant and that Petronius does remarkable things with them. And Crowley goes, "Oh, I've never had one." And Aziraphale [C screams quietly] goes, "Oh. Well, let me tempt you-" and Crowley, like, does a dramatic turn of the head at him.

C: Yeah. And they look so amused. There's such a fond smile on their face.

G: Yeah! Like, Aziraphale very coyly goes, "Oh, wait! That's your job, isn't it?" And Crowley, like, softens up. And, you know, because he was snarky earlier, but this comment makes him smile a little bit, and they smile. [laughs]

C: They are going to fuck each other so raw and so hard. [G laughs]

G: It is so wild to me that they literally were like, Aziraphale literally was like, "Hey, I want to eat the most notoriously aphrodisiac food there is," and Crowley's like, "Never had it." And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, wait. Let me tempt you." Hello? Hello? Is anyone here? [C laughing] Is anyone here? [C screams] They're literally- it's crazy. As I said earlier, this was the scene where I was like, "I get it." And unbeknownst to me, I will get it further later on. But at this moment, I already did get it.

C: Yup. Yup. You sure did get it so raw and so hard.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

-

C: So we cut to Wessex, 537 AD.

G: Isn't it Wuhssex? I don't know.

C: I have no fucking clue. Sure. It's Wuhssex. Why not? Probably.

G: I'm so sorry, British people. Is this in England? I don't know.

C: I don't- Yeah. King Arthur, right? So yeah. Okay. Aziraphale is slaying. He's in like, this silver armor thing, and he's wearing like, this white cape with like, fur on the shoulders, and like, he looks great. Crowley's outfit later is just like, regular black armor, no embellishments that I could see. Like, this is like, maybe the one century where Aziraphale looks better than Crowley does outfit-wise. 

Yeah, he's here to meet the Black Knight, and like, one of Crowley's like, henchpeople sort of beckons him forward, and then Crowley shows up, and, like, is all dramatically like, "You have sought the Black Knight, foolish one. But you have found... your death." [G laughs] And Aziraphale's immediately like, "Hey, is that you under there?" But, specifically, he goes, "Is that you under there, Crawly?" And Crowley, at this transphobia, takes his entire helmet off and goes, "Crowley!" [laughs] Which is so-

G: He is just like me for real.

C: Yeah, he is just like me for real.

C: One more thing, Heaven refers to Crowley as Crowley in the present day, right? So like, I really wanna like, see the episode where like, Aziraphale finally, is like, "Okay, I've gotten used to the new name," and, like, goes up to Heaven and tries to register Crowley's name change with them [G laughs] without revealing that they're friends. Gabriel's like, "Okay. So like, they're using a fake name, 'cause like, they're on Earth doing trickery." And Aziraphale's like, "No, it's like- they seem like they were like, really into this one, like, for real though." [both laugh] And it's just that back-and-forth for like, an hour.

G: Aziraphale's like, "No no no, it was Crawly that was the ruse [C laughs] and Crowley is the real name." Like, he would do that.

C: Exactly! Exactly! "In his wiles, he had Heaven record the wrong recording so he could hide from us better." Yeah. So, you know, they start talking a bit, and Crowley says that he's here to spread foment, fomenting dissent and discord, whereas- I mean, Aziraphale says, "What is that? Some kind of porridge?" which is pretty funny. I do remember that line pretty well.

G: Aziraphale starts being insanely funny here. [laughs] Like, every every scene after this, he is comedic genius of all time.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale has been- he's a Knight of the Round Table, so he's working with King Arthur to foment peace [G laughs] as he puts it. And Crowley's like, "Okay, so what's happening is that we're both in like, this terrible damp place, and everything we do is just canceling each other out. So like, we should just stay home and tell head office that we did everything they told us to do." Aziraphale's like, "Well, [both] it is a bit damp."

G: And I think about it constantly. The way- I- he is sooo... I wuv him.

C: I understand. And at this suggestion, he's like, "But that would be lying!" Like, he's so so shocked.

G: Bro, you lied so hard and so raw in 4004 BC. [both laughing]

C: You lied to God! Yeah, yeah. But, you know, he has to at least put up the front. Because, like, immediately after "But that would be lying," He goes like, "Oh, but they'd check!" Like, [laughs] he goes straight from "Lying is wrong" to like, "Oh, but we could never get away with it." [laughs]

G: Literally.

C: Which like, so real. But Crowley, seems to imply that Hell is less surveillance-y than Heaven, so like, at least like, she'd be able to get away with it, which I mean, I guess, turns out to be mostly true. Crowley keeps trying, and Aziraphale's like, "Absolutely not. I am shocked that you would even imply such a thing." He stalks off and like, it's just such a- it's such a silly little breakup argument ending. Like, the whole like, "We're not having this conversation." "Right." "Right!" Like, god bless.

G: Yeah. But, also, I mean, this is- like, the more I thought about it, I was like, "That's probably not what happened," but when this first happened, when Aziraphale left, I was like, "Well. He's leaving." Like, Crowley said, "Let's just leave," [laughs] Aziraphale left. So like, he just did the thing! [C laughs] It was like, my first reaction, so I thought it was actually like, a funny bit of like, whether Aziraphale agrees or disagrees, it's the same result. Yeah. Now that I think about it, I'm like, "No, no, no. Like, they're fomenting somewhere else. But they're still fomenting." But at that moment, my kneejerk reaction was that, and I thought that was pretty fucking funny.

C: It is pretty fucking funny. Book fact: The Arrangement starts in 1020, so it takes 500 more years before Aziraphale agrees to this. But, I mean, I guess it also means that they hung out a lot during those 500 years to get that to happen!

-

G: Yeah. 'Cause our next scene is Globe Theatre, London, 1601. Nine years before Caravaggio died. [C laughs] This is a famous theater, right? Like, until now. It's still up?

C: Yeah. I think it's been like, rebuilt and things. Yeah.

G: Yeah, of course. But you know, it's still an establishment.

C: Yeah, it's like, where Shakespeare performed his plays, so.

G: Yeah. There is a performance happening, but there are very very few people in here.

C: Aziraphale is slaying outfit-wise, I must say.

G: Oh, hell yeah.

C: It's like this silvery-

G: This is the one with the collar, right? The frilly collar?

C: Yeah, he has a ruff.

G: Yeah. Love it so much.

C: Whereas Crowley shows up with a fucking goatee. Also, sunglasses. I mean, he also had them in Rome. They were slaying. These ones are also slaying. He looks great. His hair is luscious and beautiful. His like, sleeves are puffy. Love that.

G: There's very few people in the crowd. There's like, maybe, like, three people watching and like, two people selling stuff to the three watchers. Like, it's that kind of crowd. But Crowley shows up, and we learn that they were supposed to meet up here because they expected a lot more people, and they expected to blend into the crowd.

C: I'm curious about the circumstances of their meetup.

G: No, yeah!

C: Because it's like, Aziraphale decided where they were gonna meet. But he also asks Crowley, "Hey, what are you up to?" which implies that Crowley was like, "Let's meet," and Aziraphale proposed the place?

G: Yeah, it's was a bit weird for me. Because when I was rewatching this scene, and I forgot how like, the conversation pans out later in terms of Aziraphale asking Crowley what he's up to, I thought solemnly that Aziraphale asked him to come here. And then in my head, I was like, "But Aziraphale doesn't want to do the thing, and he wasn't the one who suggested it. So did he just ask Crowley to like, watch Hamlet? [laughs] What is this?"

C: Yeah. And yeah, also, 'm also confused because Aziraphale tells Crowley about his Edinburgh assignment, and like, it seems like Aziraphale at least thinks Crowley doesn't know about it. So why would Crowley have asked him here to like, consolidate assignments if he didn't know that they were going to the same place?

G: No, yeah, exactly. So were they just going on a date? What is this?

C: Was this just hanging out? Was this just to hang out? But like, Aziraphale’s like, “Oh, you've gotta be up to something.” I think maybe they're just hanging out.

G: Yeah. Crowley goes, "Oh, the reason why nobody's here is like, because this is one of Shakespeare's gloomy ones, isn't it?" And me and Crystal looked up [both laugh] the timeline of publication of Shakespeare. So this is Hamlet. And before Hamlet, there were only two tragedies published at that point. So it's Julius Caesar and Romeo and Juliet.

C: Uh-huh! It sure fucking was Romeo and Juliet.

G: [laughs] The way this conversation is going, we kind of assumed that Aziraphale has seen all of Shakespeare at this point-

C: Yeah, he's a big fan.

G: - and Crowley has seen at least- at least one tragedy. So 100% chance, pretty much, of Aziraphale having watched Romeo and Juliet and [both] 50% chance-

C: - that Crowley has done it. Yup. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. So, you know, just something to think about. Just something to fucking think about.

G: Is anyone else going insane? Something to think about! Literally, what if the J stands for Juliet? Like, have we considered this?

C: Yeah, no, yeah. Earlier, we were talking about- Yup. Maybe the J stands for Juliet! What if it fucking does?

G: What if it does?

C: God. It's so corny, like, I don't even wanna ascribe myself to having said that. But like, what if does?! [G laughs]

G: What if it literally does?

C: Imagine if the one that he'd watched was Julius Caesar, so the J actually stood for Julius, and he has no clue about Romeo and Juliet.

G: [laughing] And it was Anthony Julius. God. [overlapping] It was literally Anthony Julius Crowley. [both laughing]

C: God! What a loser!

G: Well, anyway. Shakespeare is there and goes up to them and like, Aziraphale's like, "Oh my god! He's coming here." And then asks them to be more engaged in the production. And the Aziraphale was like, "Oh, like, when the ghost of his father came on, and I said, 'He's behind you!'" [both laugh] God, he is so fucking- like, this is so funny to me. 'Cause, well, let's get into it when we get to the other line. But Shakespeare's like, "Yeah, just like that." And then he orders the performance to continue. But the guy who plays Hamlet is like, upset that nobody's here. So he expresses this upsetness, and Aziraphale's like, "Noo! You're good. I love all the... [both] talking!" And Hamlet goes like, "Well, what does your friend think?" [C groans] And Aziraphale very quickly goes, "Oh, he's not my friend. We've never met before. We don't know each other!" And Crowley is like, right beside him, just smiling and being like, "Oh, I think you should get on with the play."

C: Yup. Is it anecdote time?

G: Should we talk about it here? Exactly.

C: Yeah, it's anecdote time.

G: Okay. I mean, this scene, this specific line is presented to us in a comedic way. Like, it's funny. And it is. But the way it continues on in this story, it becomes, you know, evident that it is something that bothers Aziraphale  a lot and etc etc.

C: And it also hurts Crowley.

G: Yeah. So with all that in mind, let's talk about this running theme of Aziraphale denying Crowley and his friendship. [both laughing] Me and Crystal are gonna share personal anecdotes. Should I start?

C: Yeah, do your thing.

G: Okay, well, so my anecdote is that when I was in high school, my girlfriend at the time was very touchy. She was very like, oh, she'd hug everyone, and she'd like, when she's walking down the hall with her friends, she'd cling to their arms and all that. But she was also closeted, and I was, well am, whatever. I was very visibly - and known by everyone as - queer. So like, she would hug everyone anywhere. But me, I only get a public hug when it's time to say goodbye, and we're in the car park lot, and we've made sure that nobody can see us, and we're hidden by all the cars. And even then, you know, it's with much nervousness. And the thing is like, of course she couldn't treat me like a romantic partner in front of everyone due to the closetedness. But also, she couldn't treat me as a friend. She couldn't treat me the way she would treat all her other friends. Because here, even just the friendship, even just the association, even, is already too revealing. It's already like, "This is too much. This is telling the world too much." And Aziraphale denying Crowley the friendship, the term "friends," like, reeks of that feeling. Like, when this happened, like, my mind was immediately transported to that experience.

C: Yeah. Sure was. I guess my anecdote, that one actually came up for me in Episode 1 when Gabriel was talking to Aziraphale, and he's like, "Wow! It's so lucky that you two never ran into each other," and like, that was my first like- God, even having talked to each other is too much, is too revealing for the two of them. And it was exacerbated by this scene. So okay, my anecdote is that after Danica and I broke off our engagement, we went to Claire's and we shoplifted best friends forever necklaces to wear in lieu of an engagement. And one of the necklaces especially- well, there was one that was, you know, the half heart magnet one, and the other one was like, a ring that had, like, "best friends" on it, and so, I mean, we were feeling great. We'd done it. We got out. We were sitting in the car, we had our necklaces on. And then it was time to go home, and I took my necklace off, and I shoved it to the bottom of my backpack. And Danica was like, "Oh, what's up?" And I said, "Well, my parents already think I'm in love with you, so." And she was like, "But it's a best friend's necklace. Like, it explicitly says best friends on both of those things." And I was like, "Yeah. But still." And like, the "but still" is just like- first off, like, I am closeted to my parents, but I also look the way I look.

G: [laughs] Yes. The closet is glass, yeah.

C: So like, they're on the verge of suspicion at all times. They suspected that I was into girls before I was into girls because of the way that I talked about Danica in sixth grade, like, after I'd just met her. They asked me like, a lot of follow up questions that, looking back are like, "Oh, that's what that was about." But luckily, my ignorance protected me during that time. So it's just like, again, it's about the mere act of friendship being too revealing. It's about how like, just saying that- like, showing that I valued her enough to like wear a friendship necklace, like, it was just very clear that for her, like, with me and her, like, it could not be like, a non-romantic gesture. Like, it had to be something that they would question and that I wouldn't be able to explain properly because I can't talk about her like I do my other friends to my parents, unless I like, [laughs] really hastily compare to my sister. So like- yeah. I don't know. It's- yeah. That's more about like, Aziraphale and Heaven. Well, yours is also about Aziraphale and Heaven, but also everyone. So yeah. I don't know. I get it, and it sucks. It's very queer.

G: I think it's important for Neil Gaiman [C laughs] to acknowledge, like, whether in text or in Word of God that Crowley and Aziraphale are queer. Like, it is a queer relationship. Like, they are gay. [C laughs] But even without that acknowledgement, it is undeniable that that is the story here.

C: That's what is happening.

G: It's about a relationship that has to be hidden in this way because of its inherent nature, which is that it is gay. And it's not even just like, it's like, queer in the human sense, like, it's queer in Heaven, in Hell, on Earth, you know? Like, from every single elevation that you look at it from, it is gay. So [C laughs] that's my statement. Yeah.

C: It sure fucking is. Also, you don't have to be a man to be gay, Neil Gaiman. Like, even if they don't identify as men, they can still be gay, Neil Gaiman. You have such a limited view of gender, as the "Rainbow Dress" TikTok person said. [G laughs]

G: No, literally like, I've been saying this, but the statement, like, "Aziraphale and Crowley are gay men" really is very much a case of like, "Aziraphale and Crowley are men." Okay, I'm not completely sure about that. But "Aziraphale and Crowley are gay"? Like, [both] this we cannot possibly not possibly refute. We cannot possibly refute it.

C: It's not possible to refute it! Jesus Christ! There's so much.

G: Anyway. [laughs] Whew! Anyway, so the play keeps on going, and Hamlet goes, "To be, or not to be. That is the question." And Aziraphale [C laughing] pipes up so, so, so joyfully, "To be! I mean, not to be! [C screams] Come on, Hamlet, buck up!"

C: [laughing] "Come on Hamlet, kill yourself!"

G: He literally said, "Kill yourself, Hamlet!" God, he's so funny.

C: I can't believe Crowley invented saying "angel" as an endearment but Aziraphale invented saying KYS. And, also, he directs the first half of "Come on, Hamlet, buck up" to like, Burbage, like, acting on stage, but like, midway through, he turns to look at Crowley, and he's just looking at him, smiling so joyously, and Crowley's like, looking back with like, a small smile on his face.

G: Yeah! And it's so sick and twisted.

C: It's soo sick and twisted! Who let this happen? Who let them have eyes?! Ah! [screams]

G: Good lord. You know, Aziraphale says that the actor is very good, and Crowley, while while Shakespeare is right beside them, Crowley goes, "Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety," which is a line in Antony and Cleopatra-

C: Yup. Said about Cleopatra, though, the pronouns do change, which is interesting.

G: Shakespeare overhears this and write it down. What I find interesting is this is like, the one time that he or both of them really speaks in the way people of that time would speak, and it does make me wonder whether they're like, how are we supposed to interpret this? Have they always spoken this way or is this like, a there's a filter going on? And we're seeing it in this way, but the way they would have said it at the time would be completely different? Like, during this time, did they just speak in like, Shakespeare English? Or did they speak in this way? And, you know.

C: I just thought Crowley was like, doin' a bit of like, improv poetry.

G: [laughs] I see. Well, okay.

C: But it is possible that there's a filter, because, like, people would not understand them. But I also think like, like, Crowley shows up, like, her first words are like, [both] "Well, that went down like a lead balloons" before balloons were invented. So like, I feel like they've always been a little bit out of time, out of touch, etc etc. And I am losing my head when they're not around.

G: This is true. Anyway, as they watch, and Hamlet keeps on being performed, Aziraphale asks what Crowley wants from him. They have some banter on like, Aziraphale always thinking that Crowley's up to something, but eventually Aziraphale says that he has to go to Edinburgh for a blessing. And Cr-ow-ley goes- sorry. [laughs] I'm so sorry [C laughing] to everyone for pronouncing Crowley "Cr-ow-ley."

C: [laughing] The person that sent that ask is just rubbing their hands and adding another tally.

G: Literally. And Crowley goes, "Oh, me, too. I'm going there to tempt someone."

C: This is the first time we hear that Aziraphale has ever had a job. [laughs] Do you know what I mean? Like, in Episode 1, like, we know what Crowley's up to. She's out here taking down phone lines, like, etc etc, like, she's in Rome for a temptation. But like, it's like, what is Aziraphale's job, even? What is "Going to Edinburgh for a blessing"? What is a blessing? What does he even have to do?

G: I mean, he was fomenting peace! [both laugh] So that was a job.

C: You're right. I'm sorry. He was fomenting peace. I should have recalled. But, you know, some things are so difficult to remember even after 500 years!

G: [laughing] This is true.

C: God. I do wanna make it clear that I think both of them are trans. Like, I don't think this is a fail ally moment from Aziraphale when he gets Crowley's name wrong. It's just like, some trans people never change their name, and they're also like, terrible at changing other things.

G: For real. Anyway, Aziraphale acts offended by all this. He's like, "Oh, you cannot possibly be suggesting what I infer... you are implying." [C laughs] Which is truly a way to word it, and truly a way to say in a show such as Good Omens Season 1. [C laughs] Literally, [overlapping] you cannot possibly be suggesting what I infer you are implying, Neil Gaiman.

C: And he, like, lowers his voice and sort of turns away a little in this one.

G: Yeah, yeah. One of them should do the blessing and the tempting, both of them. And we learn that they have done this dozens of times now.

C: So, if 600 years- 581 years, so I think it's about one every six years is what that looks like.

G: What's this? Like, how many did you-

G: I just assumed a hundred because they wouldn't say hundreds until it got to like, at least 200.

G: Yeah, that's true.

C: So dozens seems like, maybe like, a hundred.

G: Crowley is on the side of "Nobody give a shit." [laughs] But Aziraphale says, "If Hell finds out, they won't just be angry, they'll destroy you." [C makes pained sound] Which is fascinating. Because again, anytime from here on onwards, like, the, you know, the last scene when they were in Wessex, Aziraphale's first response is, "Heaven's gonna get me into trouble." But now, it's like, "No, Crowley, you're gonna get into trouble." And we see this consistently throughout a lot of the other scenes. Like, with the holy water shenanigans, this is kind of Aziraphale's main point always. And the thing affecting Aziraphale is pretty much always secondary, and that sure is something! Anyone else here gay as hell no matter what, this we cannot possibly refute? [C laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: So eventually, Aziraphale agrees, and they do a coin toss, and Aziraphale has to go.

C: Do we think that this was a fair coin toss? Because we hear like, a sound when it happens that's either like, a coin toss sound effect or a miracle sound, in which case, that means that Crowley, like, purposefully made Aziraphale lose.

G: I think it's fair. I'd like to think it's fair.

C: You have such faith in love. I don't think it's fair.

G: I literally do. Shakespeare on the side is talking to a vendor and goes, "Ugh. It would take a miracle to get anyone to come see Hamlet." And Aziraphale and Crowley hears this, and Aziraphale, like, glances knowingly and expectantly at Crowley, and Crowley goes, "Agh, fine. Okay. I'll do that one." And yeah. Now, Hamlet is probably the most famous play of all time.

C: Yeah. They're crazy. Yeah. The way that Aziraphale looks at him so hopefully and like-

G: I know!!

C: They're soo. Oh my god, yeah. And like, it's also just about how like, this isn't like, just for Aziraphale. It's about how Crowley like, wants to be a nice person, but needs an excuse to do it, and, like, this is like, a flimsy-ass excuse, but it is at least something that he can hold on to for a reason. And like, I think I read a post about this that was specifically about like, how, Aziraphale saw like, Crowley like, recite poetry- or like, come up with poetry just now, and is like, "Oh, like, this is like, something that they care about. Like, they're a theater person. Like, this is like, something that they'd want to do, and like, they like Shakespeare." And that's- agh. I don't know. That's so nice. I really like their dynamic here, where, like Crowley, is tempting Aziraphale into harmless sin, and Aziraphale is tempting Crowley into like, harmless doing good because it's just what they both want, but they need an excuse to do it. Aghh. Yeah. Also, Crowley does say at the end, "I still prefer the funny ones," which, I mean, okay, like, according to the timeline, I think he's seen Much Ado About Nothing. So yeah. Everyone stream Tennant and Tate Much Ado About Nothing right now. And also, stream Tennant's Hamlet while you're at it.

G: Hell yeah.

C: Hell yeah.

-

C: So we cut to Paris, 1793. It is the Reign of Terror, and Aziraphale is in an outfit.

G: He sure is.

C: You said you had feelings about this outfit. Hit me with the feelings about this outfit.

G: No, I have positive feelings about this outfit.

C: Okay. It's pretty good. He has pink satin shoes on. Good for him. And basically, he's like, manacled and is about to get executed, guillotined, and all that for being so clearly a rich guy. And like, I mean, my whole thoughts about the handcuffs during this scene were like that, like, Tumblr screenshot of a Discord image that's like, someone sending in all caps, "WHAT WOULD YOU USE A GUN FOR OTHER THAN SEX ??????????" And then, like, fifty crying emojis. But like, that's me about the handcuffs here. What would you use handcuffs for other than sex???

G: Literally.

C: What's happening? But yeah. so he meets Jean-Claude, who is his intended executioner. And Aziraphale is like, immediately, like- I don't know how to do it, but he's like, he can't speak French, and he's like, "Blah blah blah, this is a grande... mistake. Uh. Erreur." [G laughs] Adorable. Great.

G: Yeah. He is so important to me.

C: He is pretty important to me also. Like, last episode when you were like, "And they speak every language, right?" And I was like, "Yeah." And then this episode, it's like, "No. Actually, no."

G: No, I think he could, though, right? He should be able to.

C: Yeah. He said he's out of practice at the French. Well, we'll learn more about that. But the executioner, I mean, you know, they just have an exchange where he's like, "Oh, I love executioning so much. I can't wait to execution you." [laughs] I know that the word "executes" a thing. And Aziraphale’s just- I'd say he's tetchy about the situation. [laughs]

G: Pretty tetchy.

C: Jean-Claude is like, inspecting his neck, and, like, Aziraphale pulls away, and he's like, "No! Dreadful mistake discorporating me. Oh, it'll be a complete nightmare."

G: And also, this is the first time we hear the word discorporate, I think.

C: No, we hear about it when we-

G: No, like, in this history.

C: Okay, yes.

G: But yeah, we hear about it in-

G: Was that in the car?

C: Episode 2? Yeah, when he was driving.

G: Last episode, yeah. God. It was just last episode? It feels like a lifetime ago. [C laughs]

C: It was 6000 years ago.

G: I think it's interesting 'cause yeah, like, they set it up here, discorporathing, and then later, they have conversations about "destroying you completely," and like, I feel like this line is here to separate it from that.

C: Yeah.

G: To be like, "No, no, no. Like, that's different. Like, what Crowley is asking for will legitimately kill him." So yeah.

C: It's gonna send his ass to the Empty. Time freezes. Crowley freezes time. Or he just freezes Jean-Claude, but I'd like to believe that he freezes time. And shows up. And like- [G laughs] Okay, so firstly, Aziraphale is like, "Oh, like, you're all animals." And like, he hears behind him, "Animals don't kill each other with clever machines, angel. Only humans do that." And his face lights up, like, so much! Like, so much. And he goes like, "Crowley." And then he like, turns around, and it's like, what- what's happening here? What is going on? Can anyone hear me?! [G laughs] So Crowley is sprawled on the ground in a pose that I know she was practicing in the mirror for 15 minutes. Like, she wanted to be here earlier, but she was like, "No, okay, so and then I'll say- and then, like, he'll turn around, right? And I'll be like, on the ground, like, sort of like, leaning back with like, my knee propped, and like, blah blah blah blah," like, god bless. Also, her hair is very silly, and I'm a fan.

G: Aziraphale turns around, and upon seeing Crowley and Crowley's outfit, goes, "Oh, good lord!" Like, in a like, "eugh" way.

C: That is not my interpretation, but you are free to do that.

G: Okay, what was your interpretation?

C: He's so horny that he can barely walk?

G: No he wasn't! He was like, "God! You're ugly as hell no matter what, Crowley." [C laughing] Well, that's what I took from it, and it reminds me of that one Gianmarco Soresi bit where he says, like, "If you're a guy and you want someone to accurately, like, honestly tell you how you look, you should ask a gay man, because they have two traits that you need for an accurate judgment, which is that 1) they're attracted to men, and 2) like, they have the absolute lack of empathy that only a man can possess." [both laughing] And that was my immediate thought when this scene happened. Literally Aziraphale going, "Oh, good lord!" was so fucking funny.

C: Okay. I personally saw that, and like, him like, giving Crowley like, a once-over, and then like, turning away as like, a "Oh, you look positively indecent" sort of thing-

G: No!

C: - in that he is so horny he can barely walk, which I think is like, the fandom interpretation. But honestly, yours might be more fun. Especially 'cause Crowley is dressed as like, a French peasant, but a stylish one in order to like, blend in. You know, Crowley asked what Aziraphale's doing here, and he goes. "I thought you were opening a bookshop." Which also makes me emo because it means they're like, in contact, like often! [G screams] 'Cause Aziraphale doesn't start building the bookshop until the 1790s, so like, they've been talking like, regularly. Like, they ask each other about their weeks maybe. You know what I mean? Agh!

G: [shakily] Yeah! [laughs]

C: And then Aziraphale says that he got peckish because you can't get decent crepes anywhere but Paris. We don't know how he got here. Yeah. So Aziraphale either took a boat over, which I don't know how long that would take, or he mirrored himself here, which I think the second one is a lot funnier, but like, honestly, both of them are funny.

G: No, I think it is the second one because, quote-unquote, he got "peckish." Like, that's not like, that's an instant, quick feeling, you know? Are we supposed to think that he spent- what? Week-

C: The English Channel doesn't look that thick on the map. [G laughs] But it would probably be a while, yeah.

G: Yeah. He has to go to the port? Like, are you fucking kidding me?

C: Yeah. He does not have the patience. Well, that's incredibly funny of him. Also, I love that he said that he got peckish because, like, they don't feel hunger, I'm assuming. Like, he can't actually feel peckish. Like, this isn't something that he needs. He just wants it. Which is a fun distinction with the two of them. 

And, you know, Crowley goes, "You came over here dressed like that?" And Aziraphale goes, “I have standards.” God bless. We learn that Aziraphale says that he didn't miracle himself out of this because he was reprimanded last month for performing too many frivolous miracles. I mean, I don't know if it's bad writing, or like, he's just like, lying. [G laughs] 'Cause like, he miracled himself over here, and later, he miracles himself an outfit- or he doesn't miracle himself an outfit. He miracles instead of just like, swapping clothes with someone. That's frivolous. So that's that's what he says. Okay. I think that it is just like, a writing inconsistency. But the idea that is just fucking lying so that Crowley can rescue him is pretty fun.

G: Yeah. Based on the deleted scene that [laughs] we will discuss here like it i an actual scene, I think it is true that he got reprimanded.

C: Yeah, yeah. Good point. Well, sorry, Aziraphale. And Crowley says that they're here because Hell sent him accommodation for outstanding job performance. And Aziraphale, like, very offended, is like, "So all this is your demonic work?" But no, the humans thought it up themselves. Yeah, Aziraphale says that, like, you know, "Maybe I should say thank you." And Crowley, like, gets up, very intense. "Don't say that. If my people hear I rescued an angel, I'll be the one in trouble, and my lot do not send rude notes." So I guess this is supposed to be like, our "maybe the wall slam wasn't so unprecedented" moment, but I still think the wall slam is stupid as all hell, and that she would not fucking. But yeah. This is like, something that they're quite intense about, like, yeah. Can't say thank you 'cause it makes it real, etc, etc. [G exhales shakily] Yeah. Yeah. Ya. [G laughs]

G: Ya.

C: Right, you know, also, Crowley's undone the handcuffs and Aziraphale's sort of like, rubbing his wrists. Why would you use handcuffs for anything but sex??? [G laughs] Anyway, I do say that I found the "my lot do not send rude notes" line sort of annoying just from a book reader perspective because they do have the exchange where Crowley is talking about how Hell's going to punish him for losing the Antichrist, and she goes, "You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you down there," and Aziraphale goes, "I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to one up there." Like, there's a lot more Heaven and Hell equality in like, how bad they are and how aware both characters are of that in the book. So it does annoy me for this to be portrayed as like, "Hell will punish Crowley worse than Heaven will punish Aziraphale" because they're taking an equal risk.

Because Aziraphale can't say thank you, he decides that they should get lunch together. And this is something that they mentioned in Episode 1 as something that Crowley has to pay him back for.

G: The thing is, in Episode 1, I said like, "Oh, it's just work for them, and that's why they don't even remember it, like, who was who's side or whatever." But like, actually, it was not work. [laughs] It was Crowley saving Aziraphale's ass. I don't know. Like, this, for me, changes the like, "them forgetting" part of it from like, "Oh, they've forgotten it because it's just work, and it doesn't matter" to like, "They are forgetting it because this exact scenario has happened countlessly many times already" that it's common now. And like, I find it so endearing that Aziraphale doesn't remember that but remembers that they had crepes.

C: Hm. I think my interpretation of that would be more like, "Here are the parts of our relationship that are safe to talk about, and here are the parts that aren't." Like, I don't actually think that either of them forgot. I think that when they say Paris, 1793, they know all of it.

G: They both know what they're talking about.

C: Yeah. But they will just mention the crepes, because that was like, the safe part of it.

G: Aww. Awww. Okay. Yeah.

C: And then Aziraphale fucking kills a guy.

G: [laughs] Literally. He kills a guy.

C: He fucking kills a guy! Oh, later at the bandstand, "Oh, I can't kill anything! I'm nice!" You killed Jean-Claude. You murded Jean-Claude. You killed him! He does a miracle to swap their clothes, and new guillotine people come in. They see Jean-Claude in Aziraphale’s fancy aristocrat clothes, and they take him off to the fucking guillotine.

G: Exactly. Like, this reminds me of that one famous like, Trixie and Katya clip that I think I've sent you where like, Katya asks Trixie, "What's the straightest thing you've done?" And Trixie like, sits down and thinks about it and goes, "I killed a guy." [C laughs] Like, literally, this is the straightest thing Aziraphale has done. He killed a guy.

C: Yeah, he sure did. But like, they don't treat it like it is a thing, so I guess it just isn't. We shouldn't treat it as a thing. But, like, come on. He killed a guy. He 100% killed that guy. And like, after Aziraphale kills that guy, Crowley is like, "Well, dressed like that, he was asking for it." Like, she's like, "You just killed a guy, and I'm backing you up because he wanted to hurt you." [G laughs]

G: I mean, also, I want to point out that like, last episode, you were talking about how Aziraphale was just making his acts of service boyfriend acts of service him. And at the time, I was like, "Okay." But like, I get it. I fully get it now. He literally is asking his acts of service boyfriend to acts of service him.

C: Yup. He sure fucking is.

-

G: Well, before we get to the actual next scene in the episode, we shall talk about the deleted scene-

C: Seven years later-

G: From the scriptbook. Yes. So it's seven years later, and we are at a bookshop.

C: We will reblog this onto our Tumblr because it's okay in a special edition of the scriptbook that isn't available online.

G: Why? Ohh.

C: Someone scanned it and put it online.

G: We are at the first few days of construction, or maybe like, the last few days of construction of Aziraphale’s bookshop, and like, he's getting the sign done, he's putting books on the shelf, all that, when Gabriel and Sandalphon shows up. And they're all like, "Aziraphale, we have some excellent news. You're being assigned back to Heaven!"

C: Specifically, "You're being promoted back upstairs," which, you know, tells us that his current job [both] is a demotion. Maybe as punishment for the Garden of Eden.

G: They're expecting Aziraphale to be very happy about this, but all he says is, "But I'm opening the bookshop on Friday!" Truly a moment. But yeah. It's a whole thing. They give him a medal. And Aziraphale  just straight up goes, like, "I don't want it." And as this is happening, he looks over Gabriel's shoulder and he sees, quote, "the worst possible thing that he could see." And it's Crowley, and he is holding a package and waving "cheerily." And upon seeing this, Aziraphale goes, in a way, I think, to warn Crowley, that like, "This is Gabriel and Sandalphon. Like, don't do anything." He goes, "But only I can thwart the wiles of the demon Crowley!" And, like, Crowley in the back, his face falls, and then he points at the package and mouths, "Chocolates!" [C screams] He bought chocolates. He bought chocolates for Aziraphale.

C: I just- this a housewarming gift for the bookshop, I'm assuming, but it's also like, this isn't for Friday, the day that it opens to the public. It's like, for like, I'm assuming that this is like, Thursday or Wednesday or something. This is like, "We've talked about this privately and like, let's hang out. I'm very happy for you, blah blah blah." God! He literally brought chocolates!

G: Gabriel says, "Oh, we're sending Michael down here, so you don't have to worry." And like, in the back, Crowley is going, "Michael? Michael's a wanker!" which I love. And Aziraphale tells Gabriel that Crowley is cunning and brilliant, and has been here for as long as Aziraphale has been also. And Gabriel's like, "What? Do you like him or something?" [C screams] And Aziraphale says, "No, no, no. I loathe him. But I respect a worthy opponent, [C laughs] which he isn't, and I don't respect him. Or like him."

C: "Because I cannot respect a demon and I cannot-" like, I'm not allowed to. [groans]

G: Yeah. And Gabriel's like, "Okay." And then goes, like, "We're gonna go to Heaven, but before that, we're going to the tailor shop. So, bye." So they go to the shop, and as Gabriel is putting on the outfit or whatever he hears Crowley talking to a "creature from Hell." [C laughs] And, you know, the conversation is like, "Ah, my evil plans, thwarted again. Has Heaven sent a champion here on Earth who thwarts... thwartingly?" [C laughs] I love it. And then we see that Crowley actually just set up a bunch of mannequins, and like, put hoods over them and is doing some voice modulation shit [C screams] to pretend that they're like, other creatures.

C: I need her.

G: First of all, transgender. Second of all, I would have loved to see this scene!

C: I know!

G: So fun. And there's a line there that you pointed out, which is that, he is acting accordingly to the acting style of the time. Yeah.

C: Which is so cute, I think. Like, he and Aziraphale go to shows together, and sometimes, like, she goes to shows alone because, like, she likes the arts, and like, she's acting in the style of the time!

G: Yeah. Anyway, the creature is like, "Oh, Master Crowley, I've heard that your nemesis Aziraphale is being sent back to Heaven!" And Crowley's like, "Oh my god! That's amazing! I was going to drink holy water [C laughs] because the angel always thwarts me so hard and so raw, [C laughing] but like, now I won't!" And he goes like, "Only he knows my wiles well enough to thwart them." And so we go back to the shop, and Gabriel is now telling  Aziraphale that, "Oh, no, no, no. You're staying, actually. Keep the medal." And before Aziraphale can even say anything, Gabriel and Sandalphon have left.

C: Yup. And Aziraphale never knows why they left.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, just the fact that Crowley is able to express like, "Oh, I don't want Michael here, like, she sucks," but like can't or won't tell Aziraphale "I want you to stay bad enough that I did this very silly thing." Yeah. Whew.

G: Whew. Yeah. We're not even to the big parts yet. [both laugh] Well, we're about to be.

-

G: Our next scene is at St. James's Park, as in the part that they frequent in Episode 1, and it's 1862. And Crowley pretty much looks the same. [laughs] Like, there are some choice differences in his look right now, and his look in 1941. Was it 1941? onwards. But like, this is the look. Like, he's found it, you know? And I am so sorry everyone and God, but I have actually watched this spoiler, which is- it came across my YouTube recommendations, and it was a- what's it? A behind the scenes alternative take on a scene of Aziraphale dancing. The description said that it was from 1880. So in that video, his outfit is exactly the same as it is in '41 and now. So like, between 1862 and 1880, he found his style, and he just didn't let it go, ever.

C: This scene is the first instance of his waistcoat, which is his favorite thing ever. 'Cause it's like, kind of ratty, but he has it, and he'll always have it. I love him.

G: Yeah, I don't know. I really like that he found like, an era, and was like, "I belong here." Do you know what I mean? And he lived there, and even if the era has passed, he's like, "I belong there." And, I don't know. I like that. I like it. I wike it. I like it.

C: And I also like the era that he's chosen is like a period in which he and Crowley didn't talk after this fight. Like, this is like, his self-actualization, like, decades or whatever

G: Did they really not? Like, is that a legitimate- is that an assumption, or-

C: The scriptbook in in the 1941 scene has a stage direction that I will read aloud later.

G: Okay. Well, we're at St. James's Park, as I've said, and-

C: Crowley has terrible, awful sideburns. Sometimes gender euphoria comes out of cost to me. Right now, he's living it up as a guy with the worst sideburns.

G: Anyway, Crowley is depressed. I don't think that's a misinterpretation.

C: I don't- that's not how I interpret it, but I don't think it's a misinterpretation.

G: How would you interpret his actions in his scene?

C: Holy water can kill any demons. It could just be to like, kill other demons that come after him or- What do you mean?

G: Well, he is so sad!

C: He's- I guess so. He is an amount of sad.

G: Okay. Let's get into the scene. So Crowley says, like, "Oh, I'm worried that things will go wrong." And he goes, "If things do go wrong, you and I, we have a lot in common." And, Aziraphale says, like, "Oh, well, we both started out this angels, but, you know, we've since diverged paths due to the you Falling thing."

C: He's like, really judgy and mean when he says it. Like, both of them are like, in moods today.

G: Yeah. They're tetchy. Yeah. Crowley says, like, "I didn't really Fall. I just sauntered vaguely downward." And, you know. Crowley says, "If things go wrong, I want insurance." And then he hands Aziraphale a note. And we don't see the note immediately, but we see that Aziraphale’s face is like, he's upset. And he declares that what Cr-ow-ley- [both laugh] he declares that what Crowley is asking is out of the question. And he says, "It would destroy you. I'm not bringing you a suicide pill." And this is what I mean, like, I think it's curious how this scene, Crowley is so different from how he usually acts. I think that's what I- he's completely different. And he has been like this long enough for Aziraphale to genuinely think that he wants the holy water to kill himself.

C: Yes. Though, I mean, again, this is like, an insurance thing. So even if it was to kill himself, it would be like, you know, like, when you're getting tortured and like, you take like the pill so that the information doesn't get tortured out of you kind of thing. It isn't like, a "he's actually suicidal."

G: Yeah, I mean, I don't think he's actually suicidal, but I think it's curious that he's so so so worried when all the scenes before this has been him being like, "Ah, it doesn't matter. Ah, it's fine."

C: Yeah. I agree that that is so different.

G: Here, it's such a- yeah, it's such a vast difference. And, yes or no. Do we figure out what happens between chocolates scene and this for this to be the case?

C: I think there's stuff in Season 2 that could help you interpret things. Yeah.

G: Ah. Okay. Well, Aziraphale goes, "Do you know what trouble I would be in Heaven if they knew I was... [both] fraternizing?" And like, he says other things too, but what the camera really focuses on is Crowley doing the most dramatic head turn ever seen in the history of the world, and goes, "Fraternizing?" And Aziraphale says, "Well, whatever you wish to call it."

C: Well, I'd say before that, like, when Crowley says like, "That's not what I want it for. I just want it for insurance." Aziraphale goes, “I'm not an idiot. Crowley.” What does that mean? Like, "You are obviously suicidal"? Like, what does that mean? Or is the "I'm not an idiot" regarding the like, "I'd be in big trouble with Heaven" thing, in which case, is he accusing Crowley of deliberately endangering him?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah?

G: I don't know. No, no, no, not yeah as in "yeah," but like, "yeah" as in I get what you're trying to ask, and I also don't know the answer, but I agree that it's a fascinating question. This is surely a scene

C: What's happening? Yeah. Aziraphale's panicking, I think, and I think the way that he reacts when he's panicking is to just pull out the old "You're an evil demon trying to hurt me" or some shit.

G: Crowley goes, "I have a lot of other people to fraternize with, angel."

C: They're not even fucking. What is this about?

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: Can you believe they're having this exchange, and they haven't even fucked once?

G: And Aziraphale goes, "Of course you do." And then he starts walking away, and Crowley goes, “I don't need you!” [C screams] And Aziraphale turns away to say, “And the feeling is mutual! Obviously!” And Crowley just stands there looking at the note that Aziraphale threw into the water burning up and then mockingly goes, “Obviously.” [both laugh] A scene. It is a scene. Also like, this, in my head, for some reason, Crowley has just been in there, saying lies, and the lines that are being said are, "Lord, heal this bike," and "Obviously," and- what's that? The "Eternity!"

C: And the "Shaddup."

G: And the "Shut up!" Literally. He's just in there.

-

C: So we cut to London 1941, and like, this is the scene of all time, but first I do have to be like- Okay, what my thing is, I feel like, okay, there's no historical scenes in the book, right? And I think part of that- I don't know if that's part of that, or just like, why I wouldn't put historical scenes in a book like this- is that I think it begs the question like, if they were here-

G: Why didn't they do anything?

C: - during, yeah, some of the worst things in human history, and they're powerful, like, they have powers, why didn't they do anything? And like, sure, Aziraphale's like, doing something here, but like, the most nothing thing. Okay, like, it's not nothing. If he was a human, this would be a very brave thing for him to do, but like, as someone who cannot die, this is like, kind of nothing at all.

G: I think the reason why that thought- like, it did cross my mind, but it wasn't as egregious as it would be if it was in something else is that they very obviously handicap Aziraphale and Crowley in terms of powers.

C: Right, like, they get reprimanded and things for their miracles. Yeah, I mean, that is something that I've thought about. But also, like- I feel like I'm not like, mad at them. It's more that-

G: It's curious, yeah.

C: Why, you would even write a scene that provokes that question without really bothering to answer said question. Like, write it in a way where it seems like you yourself were not even thinking about the question when I feel like the question is so obviously there. I feel like if this was in the book, if there was just like, a sentence in there that was like, you know, like, "Because of like, limitations and stuff, they could only do what humans could do and what humans could do was like, very little, but also like, a lot sometimes," or just like, something about like, Good Omens general humanism and how like, Aziraphale and Crowley are citizens of Earth, blah blah blah blah blah, it would be fine. But I feel like, here, it's just like, "Okay, but why did they do anything?" But yeah, I mean, whatevs. Like, it's not even something that I think about that much until I'm taking notes because this scene is so fucking romantic that sometimes you forget that there are like, literal Nazis here? And like, maybe that's- yeah. 

Anyway, Aziraphale's here. He has a cute fucking hat on. Good for him. Also- like, the worst thing that could possibly happen to the world - Mark Gatiss is also here. But sometimes we have to live with such things.

G: He sure is. Yeah, you know, I think I know Mark Gatiss from Sherlock only, but I understand that he is relevant in the British media economy.

C: He wrote a lot of episodes of Doctor Who that were bad. And, you know.

G: I mean, I didn't even know that he is involved in making Sherlock for a long time.

C: Oh, you thought he just played Mycroft, and that's it.

G: Yes, yes.

C: No, he fucking co-wrote that thing, and boy, was it not a good show. [G laughs]

G: I don't have no feelings for Sherlock whatsoever. It's just a show that I watched with my sister when I was younger.

C: Good for you. You escaped a lot of- a lot of time spent on Tumblr saying things that made absolutely no sense.

G: Well, I'm making up for it now! [laughs]

C: Yup. So Aziraphale shows up with books, and he greets two people, one of whom is Mark Gaitas with a German accent. And supposedly, he's been obtaining books of prophecy for Hitler.

G: Also, he gets called Mr. Fell, which, I think- is this the first time

C: Well, yeah, I mean, if you look at his bookshop at any point, like, it does say A.Z. Fell.

G: Yeah, but I didn't really do that.

C: But yeah. That is the name he goes by.

G: He is Mr. Fell. Yeah. I was asking Crystal, like, is it "Aziraphale Fell" or is it "Azira Fell," and Crystal was like, "A.Z. Fell," and I was like, "Oh my god! Just like T.S. Elliot for real." And you know what? He may as well be like T.S. Elliot for real.

C: He may as well. They mention Agnes Nutter, 'cause it's the only true prophecy book, but Aziraphale says that, I mean, he just can't get it.

G: Apparently, there's only one copy of it in the world. Like, the Anathema copy, and that's it. 'Cause all the other copies were unsold and therefore burned by the publisher.

C: So, you know, they put the books into a bag, and then, like, one of them, goes like, "Oh, like, thanks a lot. But also, we have to kill you now."

G: Oh, anyway, I want to mention a fun little journey that I went through. At some point, Aziraphale goes, "Oh, but we preserved one prophecy, and it's that in 1979 or whatever, do not buy Betamax." And I was like, "Wait. That's an actual word?" Because in the Philippines, betamax, as we say it, is a street food. It's like, coagulated blood, and then you cut it in squares, and then you grill it. It's pretty good. And I was like, "Wait, what?" And so I Googled it, and apparently Betamax is a brand of cassette tapes, and they're black, and betamax, the food is, you know, it's cut into squares that are dark, so it looks like a cassette tape, so they named it after the cassette tape.

C: That's so fun! That is so fun.

G: Isn't that so cool? I know. I love it. And you know what? Agnes Nutter, I will buy betamax. [C laughs]

C: So, upon the gun being drawn on him, Aziraphale just like, does a little head tilt, and like, a pout-ish thing, and he goes, "Well, that's not very sporting." Which is soo cute.

G: He literally is like, pouting. Yeah, he's so. Agh. Somebody needs to get their dick sucked, and it's not gonna be me. [C laughs]

C: This woman appears behind Aziraphale, holding a gun pointed at the Nazis. And Aziraphale is like, "She is like, Captain Rose Montgomery of British military intelligence, and like, she is here to imprison your entire Nazi spy ring. She recruited me to work for you." Which, see, that also bothers me that like-

G: Yeah. There's no initiative on your part?

C: Aziraphale was, what, just chilling in the book shop until someone came up to them and was like, "Hey, help us." Like, I'm sure he could have been doing other things, and like, maybe it would have been like, trivializing, if like, they like, threw in a random line about how he's like, helping shelter people or whatever. But like, this is like, "Okay, so like, you didn't even take initiative, bro." 

He's like, "Okay, and like, Captain Montgomery, like, all her agents are here, they're surrounding the building. And you two have been- What is that lovely American expression? Played for suckers." But then it's revealed that, in fact, she is also a Nazi, and this was a setup, and she turns the gun on Aziraphale, and he does the most dramatic gay gasp of surprise! And that gif is present in a post that goes, "When you're a miniature poodle and it's time for your nightly anxiety medication and your owner drops an extra pill pocket on the floor." [G laughs] Like, yeah. That's that face.

G: Literally.

C: Fraulein Greta Kleinschmidt says in German that it was very easy to fool the shithead bookseller because he's very gullible. Which, no, he's not! Okay, you know, I think I need to stop hoping that, like, Aziraphale will be like book Aziraphale and just think of both of these characters as new characters, but I just do have to say that there is a scene in the book where, like, it says that basically, like, mafia guys and things would come to Aziraphale’s bookshop-

G: Oh yeah. I've seen this too.

C: - and suggest that he'd like to sell the shop. And either they would bribe him.

"Or, sometimes, while they were talking, other men in dark glasses would wander around the shop shaking their heads and saying how inflammable paper was, and what a fire trap he had here. And Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he'd think about it. And then they'd go away. And they'd never come back. Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you have to be a fool." So they slandered my boy. They slandered him. They slandered him to death. God.

G: They did. Yeah. I mean, like, the double-cross, it's unessential. Don't particularly- yeah.

C: Yeah. I don't know what the deal is. This entire-

G: [laughing] Well, I guess if they didn't do the double-cross, Aziraphale really is just helping Hitler. So maybe the double-cross is essential.

C: Well, I'm saying that Captain Rose Montgomery in quotes didn't have to double cross him. I think they're just having.

G: Yeah, but then she would die, and they won't have their romantic moment, because there's another person in there. [both laughing]

C: God. Put her in the Victims of Yaoi Poll. But yeah, this is all played funny. But like, this must hurt. Sorry, Aziraphale. [G laughs] Like, he thought this whole- like, he was probably spending this whole time being like, "I really wish I could do something, but I refuse to take initiative 'cause I'm afraid." And he did a thing, and now this is what the result is. F. He does his whole, like, "You can't kill me. There'll be paperwork!" thing. And then, behind him, he hears sounds of the silliest person in the entire world coming down the aisle towards him coming down the aisle towards him! The aisle of a church! [both laughing] In case we cared about that at all! You know. In case we cared! 'Cause this didn't have to happen in a church! It didn't have to happen in a church. Just gonna say that. So-

G: I mean, it did have to happen in a church, 'cause he needs to see the holy water and the ground thing.

C: Sure. Sure. I guess. I guess.

G: I mean, he didn't have to see the holy water, really. I don't fucking know. None of this ever had to happen. Like, why was this book even written? [both laughing]

C: None of this is even in the book or the Bible. So Crowley's hopping down the aisle towards Aziraphale because this church is consecrated ground. "It's like being at the beach in bare feet!" Aziraphale's quite angry that Crowley's here at first, and Crowley goes like, "I'm stopping you getting into trouble." And then Aziraphale goes, "I should have known. Of course. These people are working for you." Huh? Huh?

G: What do you mean "huh?"?

C: Okay, like, the two interpretations are- I think- The thing is, in Paris, 1793, Aziraphale goes like, "Oh, so all of this is your demonic work. Like, you did the Reign of Terror." And Crowley goes like, "No." So that's why it seems like Aziraphale is saying here that Crowley is working with Nazis? Like, he genuinely thinks that that could be a thing? So okay, that's one interpretation. I think the other one, that like, upon a few rewatches, I would like to believe is what's happening instead is just Aziraphale being like, "Oh, like, this, entire, like, crossing, double-crossing, triple-crossing shit has been like, so theatrical, like, I don't think any of these people are spies or anything. They're just like, actors that you paid to play an extended prank on me." Which, like, I don't know. I don't think- I don't know if that's what he's saying. It's what I would like to believe he's saying because the alternative is quite disturbing to me

So Crowley's like, "What? No, they're just some stupid Nazi spies running around London, blackmailing and murdering people. I just didn't want to see you embarrassed." Which, aww! Like, I know it's also an insult, but like, they have to speak through layers, and it's like, "Aww!" Like, he can't say, "I don't want you to get discorporated because it'll take forever for Heaven to give you a new body or whatever." Like, yeah. She's just there to save his ass. Kleinschmidt goes, "Mr. Anthony J. Crowley. Your fame precedes you." So okay, first off, like, what has he been doing? What is he famous for?

G: What has he been doing?

C: Crowley, what are you famous for? What's happening? I'd like to think that its he's been working against them, and that's why he's famous. But like, it's hard to tell, and we don't know.

G: And he is a demon.

C: Yeah. I mean, I don't think that means that much. But yeah. And then, okay, secondly, advent of the name Anthony, and then I started crying again as soon as the next lines happen, which was- Aziraphale goes, "Anthony?" and Crowley goes, "You don't like it?" And Aziraphale goes, "No, no, I didn't say that. I'll get used to it." And... agh. Ahhh. Okay, wait actually, first, before we get into that, the fucking stage- stage thing is that after someone says, like, "The mysterious Anthony J. Crowley. Your fame precedes you." What the script says is, "Aziraphale is softening. They haven't spoken in a hundred years. He's realizing they are still friends."

G: Oh, good lord. [C lets out several pained laughs]

C: Hi! Hello!

G: So after that breakup, they didn't speak for-

C: They didn't speak for- it was 80 years? Yeah, they didn't speak for 80 years. But like, Crowley had to have been keeping tabs in order to know to be here tonight.

G: Yeah.

C: That's something.

G: But Aziraphale just- I mean, Aziraphale, king of repression for first and foremost, so like, he would very well be like, "I've forgotten about you."

C: Yeah. Also, like, "He's realizing they're still friends." is just like- Like, we know that Aziraphale considers them friends, even if he won't say it out loud yet. But like, it's nice to see that. Like, yeah. [screams] Okay. Anyway. So as soon as, you know, this following exchange happened, I went crazy cuckoo bananas forever and ever. Like, let's just go- Okay, so I went and read the Wikipedia page for the name Anthony, and also like, okay, first off, why do we think he picked that name? Like, I think the immediate response is like, the line he came up with in like, 1601 was from Antony and Cleopatra, so like, you know, maybe that's why he picked it.

G: What other things about the word Anthony did you find?

C: So the thing is in Shakespeare, it's spelled with a T and without the H at first. And in the seventeenth century, the letter H was added into the spelling on the belief that the name derived from the Greek word anthos, meaning flower. So, I mean, that's meaningful to me just 'cause I feel like plants and The Garden are a very important part of Crowley's life. And I also, like, as someone like- since he's someone who went from like, Crawly to Crowley, like, changing one letter and like, redefining that name for himself, I think he would like a name whose spelling has changed over the years to like, redefine the meaning of it also. So I think that that is part of it also. 

The Wikipedia page also says that Anthony as a Christian name comes from Saint Anthony the Great, who's like a saint who, apparently his two things are that there's a lot of art of him being tempted, [G laughs] and that he protects people with infectious diseases, especially skin diseases. So yeah. It's like, I don't even have like, reasons. It was just like, more me reading everything about the name Anthony, thinking about a way it could apply to Crowley, and then going like, batshit for an hour. 

And then the last thing is that it started off as a family name for a Roman family, and the first one of them claims that the name came from a son of Heracles, which I think is very interesting, given like, the story of like, Heracles being tested by the gods, and also like, being forced to betray and kill his own children. Like, these all feel theologically relevant to Crowley and to religion in Good Omens. So, you know, these are these are the three things that I read about.

G: It very well may be just the way I just chose my name, which is, "Yeah. [both laugh] Gotta have a name!" [both laugh] And you know what? You've gotta have a name.

C: Yeah. And I am also curious about how long he's had it. Like, this is the first time it's come up.

G: Yeah. 'Cause it's been 80 years, yeah.

C: It's been 80 years. It's also possible that he had it before that, for all we know.

G: Yeah, and just never bothered to mention it.

C: Yeah, I mean, given Aziraphale's track record. [G laughs] But like, yeah. I just- I also just think that the act of like, having a first name is like, very like, humancore of him. Or just like, you know, it's something that he chose so that he could like, interact with people more, and it's also just like- I don't- it's such a soft name also, in my opinion. I don't know. I just feel crazy at all times forever and ever. And I do think that he probably did come up with it while they were parted because I like the idea of like, when both of them parted ways, they both had a bit of a self-actualization journey, and both of them hung out with humans more, which would necessitate having a first name, and like, with Aziraphale also involved, learning how to dance, and like, pinning down his clothing style. So yeah. I don't know. It's nice, the ways that they have changed when they are away, and it's also so nice when you are the most transgender demon in the garrison, and I have to kiss you so so bad.

G: Yeah.

C: And then Crowley also like, tips his hat for a second. Very cute. And Aziraphale asks, what does the J stand for? And Crowley goes, "Just a J, really." I mean, we've already discussed "What if it's Juliet?"

G: What if it's Juliet?

C: I feel like the main thing I think about during the "Just a J, really" scene is a footnote in the fic "Mutual Aid" that says, "Crowley liked to imagine that the J carried the same radical, transgender spirit as the P in Marsha P. Johnson's name, but in reality, it was more like the lazy S in Harry S. Truman." Very fun. God. I love trans people so much! [both laugh] I'll move on. I'll move on. But I like that the Crawly to Crowley thing is like, during a time when she was like, clearly, like female-presenting and it felt like a transfem thing, and like, here Anthony J. like, feels like, a transmasc thing, especially 'cause like, in the book, Crowley's really into like, James Bond and all that shit, and I feel like a lot of what he's doing right now in the church is like, him having his James Bond euphoria moments. And like, I don't know. It's so fun that they didn't start with a gender, so they can be trans in every direction. Like, he is transfem and transmasc. Like, good for him. Good for him.

G: You can't see me right now- I mean, the audience can't, but like, I'm smiling so goofily. [C laughs] Like, yeah! He is transgender in every direction! It's so lovely.

C: Yeah. He sees the holy water and sort of gets entranced by it for a second, but then the Nazis decide that they're gonna shoot both of them. And at this Crowley, goes like, "Hey, so like, in a minute, there's gonna be a bomb dropped over this church, and if you run away, you might not die." And the Nazis don't believe him. I guess it's nice that he's giving them a chance to run, but also, like, girl, let it happen.

G: Yeah. And like, they say, like, "Oh, it was supposed to drop at the East End, so you're lying." C: And he goes, "It would take a real, like, a last-minute demonic intervention to throw them off-course." And then he says, like, "And if a bomb does land here, it would take a real miracle for my friend and I to survive it." [G screams] It's so casual that I didn't even notice it the first two times I rewatched this episode. He'll just say it! He'll just say it! 'Cause they're friends, and he knows that they're friends. 

So, you know, the Nazis don't believe him. And then, you know, bomb- the bomb fucking drops. And honestly, this is maybe a risky thing for him to have done 'cause like, he knows they're going to die and go straight to Hell, where they could like, tell a demon, "Hey, do you know how we died? There was like, this fucking guy with sunglasses, and this, like, other guy like, dressed in a white suit thing, and like, they like, redirected the bomb somehow, and they said they were friends." But like, you know, whatever, not a big deal. 

So the smoke clears. Somehow, the bomb puts Aziraphale’s hat back on his head. [both laugh] Slay. And Crowley is like, leaning to the side, cleaning off his sunglasses so that we can see his eyes for like, a brief second when Aziraphale goes, "That was very kind of you." And Crowley does like, this smile that makes me insane crazy, and then goes like, "Shut up" as he puts the glasses back on.

G: I want to point out, you can hear [laughs] distant screaming while this scene was happening.

C: Oh, 'cause of the bombs?

G: Yeah, there's literally this deeply romantic moment happening while alive, innocent locals around them are like, buried in rubble or like, running away or whatever. [laughs]

C: Right, so Crowley redirected the bombs to kill the Nazis, but also like, regular people? [G laughs]

G: I mean, there's gotta be people here, right?

C: Yeah, I guess so. I mean, if they were gonna fall on the other end, I guess people would have died anyway, but like- [laughs] Great point. Girl, what?

G: Screaming! Girl. [both laugh] It was very faint, so maybe I'm like, mishearing it or

whatever, but I think it was there.

C: Maybe. Maybe it was just the Nazis? [G laughs] Huh. Okay. What an interesting thing.

G: What's funny is like, it stops pretty much the moment the Disney Princess falling in love music starts because the music drowns it out. [both laughing] Which I think is crazy.

C: I just love that like, the "Shut up" is just so clearly like, fond, and like, with no bite to it at all. After Paris and after we have to see the horrible wall slam, it's nice to finally have a moment where it's like, they're like so caught up in happiness about seeing each other again for the first time in 80 years(!) and being okay, that, like Crowley's not even thinking about Hell, like, for a second.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale, he makes a joke about how there's no paperwork to like, calm the situation down a bit. And then, well, you all know this scene. "Oh, the books! Oh, I forgot all the books." And then Crowley wrenches the bag out of a dead Nazi's hand and hands it over to Aziraphale, and goes, "Little demonic miracle of my own."

G: And then- [C screams] the corniest Disney princess falling in love music starts. And it literally is. Like, it sounds like a Disney princess falling in love music.

C: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's just so clearly- yeah. And like, Crowley just walks off without looking back, and Aziraphale just stands there, like, stunned.

G: Specifically, Crowley goes, "Lift home?" And like, so they they drove together after this. [laughs] Through the rubble in which people are stuck in and dying. [laughing]

C: Yeah. Jesus. They suck so bad. [G laughs] Tthey don't give a shit.

G: They don't give a single shit.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale stands there, stunned, as the fucking Disney princess falling in love music plays, and he looks after Crowley with this, like, sick, hopeful, I would even say, kind of look.

G: I would say beatific look. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Do you get that reference?

C: Of course I get that fucking reference. [G laughs] No one should think about it.

G: It literally is a beatific look, though. I'm being fucking for real.

C: Yeah. And Michael Sheen has stated that he plays this as the moment Aziraphale either fell in love or realized that he had fallen in love with Crowley. Well. That sure was a fucking scene.

G: I want to point out that- so I watched the YouTube clip of this several times, repeatedly. And I took a look at the comments, and one was, "Saving the books was sweet, but walking on scalding, consecrated ground to save Aziraphale paperwork. Now, that's friendship." [both laugh] And I felt so strongly opposed to this idea. So strongly opposed. Because, like, the saving him in the church, it's like-

C: A generic thing.

G: It's nice. But also, if Aziraphale was any other being that Crowley is trying to save, this is what he’d do, you know? He would do this. But it's the book that screams personalization. The saving is nice, but saving the box is like, Crowley screaming, "I know you! This is for you! Like, I'm doing this specifically for you!" And I like that so much. Like, I've said this to you, but the music, even. The music when he enters is like, "Haha! It's so funny! Look at him tippy-toeing!" And then, as the bomb falls, nothing. There's no music. And then the book music is like, "Hey, guys, look at this. Like, this is love in all the ways that we know it and some that we don't." [C makes pained sounds] Like, it's so deeply, deeply, deeply romantic, it's crazy

C: Yeah. Yeah. They're in wuv.

G: They're in wuv.

C: I have one last thing, which is that- Did you notice the, like, bird statue in the church, like, the big ol' stone eagle?

G: No. But what's with it?

C: It's a set piece. It's behind the Nazis when they talk. When the bomb explodes, it is a little bit on fire and behind Aziraphale, for, like, you know, the good ol' wing motif. The idea that his wings are burning as falls in love sure is a thing.

G: Okay, slay.

C: And secondly, that statue is in Crowley's flat. It is in his apartment. In Episode 2 at minute 3:01, you can see it right next to his television. It is the same one. And if he's leaving right now to give Aziraphale a ride, it means that, like, sometime during the night, he was filled with such sick longing that he went back to to the church and like, fished that out as a souvenir and put it in his fucking flat. So.

G: What if they are in love in all the ways that we know it and some that we don't? Have we considered that?

C: What if? What if?

G: What if? [C screams]

C: Yeah. Also, while I was doing my rewatch to find the right timestamp for the set piece, I also- There's a statue that's like, behind Crowley during the plant scene that's like, two angels or perhaps an angel and a demon wrestling, and like, shirtless. [G laughs]

G: Good for him.

C: And fucking Neil Gaiman posted about it on Instagram. Like, he said he was talking to the set designer, and they were like, "Oh, it's a statue of like, evil triumphing over good, like, they're wrestling." And Neil said, "Are you sure they're wrestling?"

G: Slay.

C: So slay.

G: Okay. It's been two hours, I think. But let's go on to the last scene of this flashback sequence.

C: Let us.

-

G: We are in Soho, 1967, and we open the scene with like, a very nice like, psychedelic pop, as the subtitles called it, electric guitar music to signal that we are in the modern era with modern music. And I'm so bitter because I tried to look for this song in the Spotify soundtrack. It's not there.

C: Oh, would it be on Tunefind, then?

G: No, I mean, it's the theme, but it's psychedelic pop electric guitar. And there's like, a song in the album that's like, guitar-ish, and it's what plays at the end of the episodes, I think, except for this one, 'cause in this one they played this version. But like, that one is different. It's more like, a heavy rock guitar, not like [sings theme in style], like, you know. And I'm very bitter and very sad, but anyway.

C: Something about this scene is that it's the first Crowley POV in the entire flashback sequence.

G: Oh, yeah. Oof. It is.

C: And, it just feels like as soon as Aziraphale realizes he's in love, he's like, "I can't be telling this story anymore. It's too dangerous." or something. It feels like that. And it's also just it's also just such a moment of like, you come back to Crowley POV, and you're like, she doesn't know. Like, maybe she knows, but like, she doesn't know. Like, she doesn't know that this is the story of them that Aziraphale has in his head. Yeah. Anyway. Back to heist.

G: Oh my god. Oh my god. [laughs] Anyway, back to the heist. So Crowley is sitting in this like, secluded booth in a restaurant with two people-

C: And controversial hair.

G: I love this. I love this hair.

C: I think the first time I watched it, I was like, "Eugh. That's not right," but like, upon rewatch, it's fun.

G: It is right.

C: And she's wearing like, a fun little black turtleneck. It's great.

G: Hell yeah. A guy enters the booth, and we realize that this guy is Shadwell, but like, in '67, so much younger. And if you're like me and you don't recognize the name Shadwell at all, it's the witchhunter, like, Newton's boss.

C: Wait, when did you realize that? So you didn't know?

G: Yeah, I didn't. I realized it when- you know what's so funny? 'Cause when later, Shadwell was like, "Oh, and we have a Witchfinders Army," like, still in '67, I was like, "Oh, this is like, related to the witch hunter." [both laugh] I didn't realize it was him. I only realized it later when old Shadwell tells Crowley, like, "You look like your dad." And I was like, "Ohh! Okay." So, yeah.

C: Well, remember last episode when you were like, "I'm so intrigued about these human agents that they supposedly had. What did Crowley mean by 'They're not sophisticated politically'?" Well, here's your answer.

G: No, it's so funny to me. They literally are not sophisticated politically, you guys.

C: Both of them are getting scammed to hell and back by the same guy.

G: [laughs] Yeah. So with these three people, we realize that Crowley is setting up a heist in a church, and he doesn't say what the thing they're heisting is yet, so. But, you know, we know it's the holy water.

C: Aziraphale literally saved him from getting embarrassed. Imagine like, these people have $200, like, down in their pockets, and she's like, "Oh, yeah, just like, go over to that fountain and scoop something in a cup for me. Thanks."

G: So when Crowley heads out, Shadwell stops him and tells him like, "Oh, I'm- as I've said earlier, I'm Lance Corporal of an enormous secret army that battles the forces of witchery." And Crowley is like, "Oh, yeah, okay." And Shadwell goes, "It's the Witchfinder Army. Perhaps you've heard of it." And the thing is, throughout this entire scene, Crowley has been speaking in a different way than he usually does. 'Cause throughout history, and now, in recent times, like, he usually like, slurs his words, or like, stutters and like, makes you think that he's finding it hard to find the word in his head. He like, repeats syllables, you know? But in this scene, he has spoken straight. Like, he's spoken with much exuding of confidence, and like, it's obvious he's trying to command the room and all that crap. But the moment Shadwell was like, "Oh, yeah, I have this secret thing, and now I'm just saying it to you like, willy-nilly," he loses his cadence, and he goes, "Wh- wh- I thought you said it was a secret." And I just think that's like, a wonderful acting choice that like [C laughs], he's like, so taken aback that this guy's just telling him things that he's like, "What?" Yeah. I think it's wonderful

C: If we go back to the heist scene for a second there, like, two very unimportant things. One, I love how Crowley pronounces, like, "schtum," like, when he's like, explaining the last $100. It's so cute. And secondly, Shadwell is asking like, "Hey, is there any witchcraft involved in like, this whole thing?" And he asks, like, "You yourself are not a witch, warlock, or someone who calls your cat funny names, right?" And Crowley goes, "Not a witch. Don't have any pets." So he's skipping the warlock part of the question, which I think is fun, because it's either like, he's like, lying by omission, because, like, currently, if he is male-presenting, like, he is a warlock 'cause he does use magic, or it's like, if she currently feels more girl mode, then it's like, "The warlock question isn't even applicable to me right now." It feels transgender. It's fun.

G: Yeah! Anyway, Shadwell offers the services of the army to Crowley, and then I realized that Crowley's people are, you know, this guy and the army. His not-so-sophisticated, politically-speaking people. So when all that's done, he walks to the Bantley, and as he enters, Aziraphale appears there in the passenger seat.

C: Yeah. He couldn't just walk? He literally lives here.

G: The thing is, this scene starts off with Crowley being a bit antagonistic. Like, not antagonistic, I guess, but like, he's like, "Oh, what are you doing here?" Like, that, you know. And Aziraphale tells him that like, "Oh, I live here in Soho. I work here. And I've heard things, and I've heard that you're planning to rob a church."

C: This does beg the question, why did Crowley set up the heist in Soho?

G: You think he's asking for Aziraphale's attention?

C: I don't know. Because it doesn't feel like it.

G: I don't think so.

C: Aziraphale showing up, Crowley has no sense of like, "I did it. It worked" in her, so like, I don't think so. But it could have been like, subconscious or something.

G: Where does Crowley live? Where is his flat?

C: Mayfair?

G: Where the hell is that?

C: I don't know. Let's go on Google fucking maps. I mean, everything in England is like, two hours' drive away from each other, like, max.

G: It's an eight minute situation. It's very near each other.

C: [laughs] It's an eight-minute drive? Oh, yeah, I'm getting a five-minute drive, 13-minute walk. [both laugh]

G: Literally, he can walk there. I love that.

C: That's so nice.

G: So maybe he was just like, "Let's go over to the other town. Why not?"

C: Yeah. I think Soho is more of like- right, you said it was like, more of like, a red light district or whatever at one time? So yeah, I guess it'd be easier to find someone to do a heist for you there.

G: Yeah. Well, anyway, Aziraphale tells him like, "Oh, it's too dangerous." And Crowley's like, "Yeah, you told me that 105 or so years ago, and I didn't change my mind." And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, I've not changed my mind, but I can't let you do this. Like, I can't have you risk your life in this way."

C: Specifically, he says earlier, like, "Holy water won't just kill your body. It will destroy you completely," which is the exact same sentence structure as 1601, where he tells Crowley, "Hell won't just be angry. They'll destroy you." which yeah, yeah. Something to think about!

G: He hands Crowley this thermos of holy water so Crowley doesn't have to rob the church anymore. And Crowley like, looks at this and goes like, "Wow. After everything you've said to me?" and Aziraphale's like, "Yeah." So he puts the thermos down, turns to Aziraphale, and goes, "Should I say thank you?" And Aziraphale is like, sitting so nervously on the seat, and he goes, "Better not." And Crowley asks, "Can I drop you anywhere?" [C screams] And Aziraphale goes, "No, thank you."

C: Ah, it's just about like, Crowley can't say thank you, so like, "Here's a service that I can provide instead of saying thank you," and then Aziraphale rejects it with a voiced "thank you" 'cause they're back in a safe zone where they can say things in real words again. And it's so much! It's a lot.

G: Yeah.

C: Also, I love that the thermos is like, tartan, 'cause like, that's Aziraphale's whole like, visual motif thing. I'm like, curious about if this is something that he had that he like, brought over, or if, like, he bought one specifically that was like, customized or something. Do you know what I mean? Where did it come from?

G: Yeah. I mean, to be fair, every thermos that my grandmother [C laughs] is also like this. So I think maybe it's just of the era.

C: Yeah, perhaps so.

G: Crowley is still looking at Aziraphale, and Aziraphale looks at him and goes, "Oh, don't look so disappointed. [C screams] Perhaps one day we can... I don't know. Go for a picnic. Dine at the Ritz?" [C screams] And Crowley, in the softest voice he has ever put on this entire time, goes, "I'll give you a lift. Anywhere you want to go." [C screams] And Aziraphale just looks at him and says, "You go too fast for me, Crowley." And then he leaves. [C screaming] Is anyone else seeing this? Anyone else here? [C makes pained sound]

C: Who up throwing up and screaming and crying and sobbing? I.

G: I mean, what you said, of like, "Should I say thank you?" and it's like, "No," and then, "Can I drop you anywhere?" And it's like, he's extending this hand of gratitude and affection, you know, or whatever. And Aziraphale goes, "No." to both. Don't say thank you, don't drop me off. And the next thing Crowley says is like, basically, it's like, "To make it clear, I am willing to do it. Like, I will give you a lift, and I will do things for you," and like, it literally is like, "You did this thing for me, 'cause, you know, you do things for me. And I will do things for you." And Aziraphale basically just goes, "Well, don't." And it makes me- [laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: It makes me so upset. And also, after saying, "No, thank you." like, Aziraphale could have just left. He could have just left. Like, that was the end of the conversation, pretty much. But like, he didn't. And you can see in the way he's acting, the way he's holding himself, he's glancing over and over again, he had to explain himself, because this is- like, he has thought about this. He wanted to say it. Like, he wanted to say this specific thing. It's a confession in a way, right? It's like-

C: You can only reject a thing if the thing is already there. Like, this is a "Yes, there is something between us" moment.

G: Yeah, like, it's a confession of like, "I will do this thing because, you know, I care about you" and etc. God, [laughing] I can't even say like, "I love you" in Aziraphale voice because it's like, it's too much! It literally is, though. But like, it's also a rejection in the "You go too fast for me." And like, it's a rejection, for now. I mean, the way it's, you know, said, it's like, "Perhaps one day." But also, it's not a promise. Like, "perhaps one day" is not "definitely one day." It's "It may happen, and it may not, but not right now."

C: Yeah. You said to me once- you were like, "It suddenly hit me that like, they really are immortal, and 'perhaps one day' means-" like, they can always have hope because, like, there will always be days that like, maybe something can change, and perhaps one day we can be together that way. And then, like, Armageddon hits, and it's like, "Oh. Those days are fucking limited. And we can't. Ever."

G: Yeah. Yeah.

C: And there's also the fact that they do fucking dine at the Ritz! They dine at the fucking Ritz in Episode 1. They dine at the Ritz in a way that implies that they've done it before. And like, god. First off, like, hilarious moment when Aziraphale first invites Crowley to the Ritz, and Crowley's like, “Holy shit, it’s happening. I can finally fuck that fussy old boulder,” [both laugh] and then nothing happens. Oh, for context, there is a fic called-

G: [laughs] That fussy old boulder, yeah.

C: Let me find the name of the fic because I don't remember the name of the fic. The fic is by spocklee on AO3, s-p-o-c-k-l-e-e. Okay, the fic is called "a German song famously covered by 21 year old Wayne Newton in 1963," and it has the line, "Didn't Sisyphus ever win? Didn't he ever get to fuck that fussy old boulder or what?" from Crowley's point of view, and it's just been running on a loop through my brain, or like, I've been running on a loop through that line, for, like, the last week after reading it, 'cause it's so fucking funny, and like, every time something, like, crazy sexual tension happens this episode, I do think, like, "When will he get to fuck that fussy old boulder?"

C: What do you think the "you go too fast for me" means? Like, what is he trying to say? And also, what do you think Crowley got from it? Like, what do you think he think of it? 'Cause there is the aspect of like, "Let's slow down," you know. But there's also the whole, like, "You are fundamentally too fast for me. It's never gonna change." And I do wonder, like, how they meant it and how they absorbed it, both of them.

C: Yeah. I mean, it's hard to- because, like, Aziraphale looks so, like, despairing when he says it. Like, it's not just like a "Let's have a nice communication about pace in our relationship" sort of look. It's like a- I don't- I mean, but there is the "perhaps one day," and it's hard for me to know how much he even means the "perhaps one day," either. Like, the tone, is very like, "This is just wishful thinking, but I want it, but we can never, ever, ever have it" is like, the vibe that I get from, just like, how fucking depressed both of them look at this conversation. But like, I don't know what he meant. I think it was just like, I don't even know if he knew what he meant. I think it was just that like- 'Cause you said that you thought that this was something he'd sort of like, thought through and wanted to say for a while. I don't know if I really got that vibe from him. I feel like he was just like, in a moment of like, complete and abject misery. 

Like, okay, first of all, he just gave Crowley the thing that he thinks is a suicide pill, right? Like, that colors the scene immensely. Like, this is like, a moment when he's like, "I have just given her the tools by which she can leave forever."

G: Destroy herself, yeah.

C: Like, that's part of it. He's like, upset about that. And it's like, "Our time is even more limited than I thought it was, because before, I thought it was forever, but like, now it might not be. And also, I'm just like, so abjectly miserable right now, and you are like, here and offering me something, and I just can't do it. I just can't do it. Like, I'm not even thinking about the future. I just in this moment am so sad." is sorta just the vibe I got.

G: When I said that, like, he had to explain himself, I think it's less of like, he thought about saying it. I meant like, he thought about this. Like, it's in his head. I do agree with you that like, it's kind of like, a spur of the moment situation. Like, he wanted to say it, but he didn't like, go in thinking, "I will say it." But him staying there and being like, "I'll stay here after the 'no, thank you.'" Like, that hesitation comes from like, "But there's gotta be more, right?" you know? Like, that feeling. "I have to say more, right? I have to make clear. I have to explain myself."

C: Yeah. Yeah. As for what Crowley got out of it, I know what book Crowley would have gotten out of it because book Crowley is an optimist. I don't think show Crowley is an optimist, but I think there would be a moment of like, "Shit. Like, it isn't just me. Holy shit." which-

G: I don't think it happens here.

C: Hm. Okay. We can discuss that. [G laughs] But I think that- I don't know. It is like, the same thing as it's always been. It's just like, that, like, they said it out loud a little bit more than they usually do, but not even that much either. So I feel like there's the moment of like, "Okay, I wasn't just imagining things," and then the like, "But it doesn't change a single fucking thing, does it?" So I think this is where the four questions-

G: [laughs] Yeah, sure. Let's fucking go through the four questions. Me and Crystal-

C: Grey and I independently, while we were rewatching this sequence, were like, "There are four specific questions that we have to ask each of these characters separately." And they are-

G: And then we sent it to each other like, at this same- [laughs] like, literally same, like, within five seconds of each other, we listed out these four questions.

C: We didn't even say there are four questions first. It's just like, we both knew what we wanted to say. And the four questions are: When did you fall in love? When did you know that you were in love? When did you know that the other person was in love with you? And when did you know that the other person knew that they were in love with you? [G laughs]

G: What is this? Let's not- it's too complicated to get it in here, all. So maybe one day-

C: Mm-hm. Perhaps one day. [laughs]

G: Perhaps one day, we can dine at the Ritz. Or make a special episode where we discuss all this shit. But- 'cause the thing is, I don't think I have enough of the picture yet. Like, it's still a big story. So maybe this could be a question reserved for after we finish Season 2.

C: Sure. But you think that all of these timestamps have happened before the present day, at least, right? Or have they not?

G: I think the falling in love and realizing the love for Crowley has happened.

C: Oh, absolutely.

G: For Crowley, "When did you realize that Aziraphale is in love," probably betwixt '41 and '67, right?

C: Between, you think. So you think it happened before this?

G: Yeah. I don't think necessarily it happened before, but I think it may well have happened before. And Crowley thinking that Aziraphale knows that Aziraphale is- has feelings. [laughing] What is it with me? Did you notice that? I was saying like, "When did Crowley realize that Aziraphale blah blah blah," and when it was, Aziraphale, saying that Aziraphale is in love, I stopped myself, and went, "Has feelings?" [both laughing] I'm in too deep! I'm in too fucking deep.

C: I mean, it really is, like. Yeah. Yeah.

G: Yeah. I don't think he's known it yet. For Crowley. I don't think he knows it yet.

C: Yeah, I think I go back and forth on that one. But yeah.

G: You agree with me generally?

C: I think I agree that he realized that the feelings were returned after '41. I mean, honestly, it could have been earlier. Like, Aziraphale didn't know he was in love, but he has been in love.

G: It well may be.

C: It well may be. [makes pained sounds]

-

G: For this general section, I have a thought that I want to share, and it's about the fact that there is no God narration in the entire scenes of the past. Like, we hear God at the beginning asking, but that's not a God narration. That's just God is part of the story, and God is there. But the fact that this is the only part so far in the story that doesn't have God saying anything, like, it made me think, like, "Why? Was God not here? Did she not take any interest?" Like, God narrates Aziraphale and Crowley's story now because the apocalypse is happening, and they’re central to it. The fact that She doesn't bother to narrate this history juju parts is that 1) It makes it seem like She wasn’t looking at all this. Like, She doesn’t give a shit. And 2) it makes the show, at least to this point in the story, very explicitly not about Aziraphale and Crowley’s feelings for each other or relationship. The scenes we see that are related to the plot and narrated by God and all that are the scenes that are relevant to God. And these aren't. So it makes you go, "Oh. So what are we not privy to? Like, what are we not seeing?" And the answer is these moments. You know, it's moments of connection. Moments where either the sole or most prevalent importance is to show us their connection. And like, the fact that God, here, doesn’t care to tell this story is so stark in comparison to Supernatural, which- in Supernatural, for example, it deals with the God question in a "God is completely obsessed with our main characters, sees them all the time, knowledgeable of their every move," all that. But like, not here. In here, God just doesn't care to tell this part of the story. And there's this song by The Mountain Goats [C laughs] called "Jenny"-

C: Yup.

G: - and there’s a lyric that goes, "We were the one thing in the galaxy God didn't have his eyes on.'' And the thing about Crowley and Aziraphale is, this was true. God didn't have Her eyes on them for a long time. [laughs] This is so earnest! This is so earnest! But I hope by the end of this season, it gets to be true again, and I hope that this time, they realize that God isn't looking, and that that's a good thing, and that they're able to savor it.

C: [teary laugh] I'm like, tearing up?

G: Great! [both laughing] I hope I die. God, it's so earnest. What is wrong with me? Well, it is what it is.

C: Yeah. It really is what it is. I guess from my perspective, it's like, I know that none of this was in the book, so like, there wouldn't be narration because the narration is just lines from the book, but like, I love the way that making the narrator God and adding scenes like this in makes that interpretation that you said very viable. It's a good time. And I guess, as someone who's like, "This isn't in the book," my thoughts around the flashback sequence is more just like, "I wonder why this is here in this episode. Like, what purpose does it lend to the present day plot for us to know that this is their history?" And like, it can't just be to make Aziraphale look so bad. [laughs] Like, that can't be all of it. But it is like, my automatic emotional response as a Crowley guy. What do you think this adds to like, the later scenes?

G: I don't know. I don't know. 'Cause like, it really does feel like, just, "This is who they are." You know? It's like, it doesn't- when we get to it, we will talk about it further, but I do not understand Aziraphale later. What is he doing?

C: Okay, you know what, I was basically banking on you being an Aziraphale understander and like, being able to explain what the fuck is happening at the bandstand to me, but, like, clearly, neither of us know! What was that? [both laugh]

G: What's going on inside of his mind? I don't know. Like, why is he so desperate now to be on Heaven's side? Like, what is it? [both]` I don't know.

C: Okay, well, we're gonna have to have a very confused discussion then. But yeah, okay, I don't- Maybe another way to put it is like, if, like, you had up to three takeaways from the flashbacks, like, what would they be?

G: One is- Well, prior to this, I don't think I knew about the arrangement.

C: They mentioned it in Episode 1, but you weren't paying as much attention in Episode 1.

G: That's true. IDGAF back then, but now I GAF so hard and so raw. [C laughs] I don't know. What do I take away from this? They're in love?

C: Yeah. [laughs] They are in love.

G: I woke up shaking three hours into my sleep because they're so in love it's unreal? What is your takeaway? You answer it first.

C: Okay, I think my takeaway is first, just like, a continued thing of like, "Here's their history where Aziraphale won't say things out loud. Crowley also won't say things out loud, but like, in a way that covers up that he won't say things out loud." And like, he's always the one who's like there to say the thing that Aziraphale won't say or to like, get him to do like, something that he wants to do but like, can't do himself, and that's also what Aziraphale's there for. Like, both of them like, generally know what the other person wants, and then allows them to do it. I think it's that like, I think- Aziraphale's fear for their safety. I mean, both of them's fear for their safety, but especially Aziraphale's fear for their safety is like, really expanded upon here. And like, we see how, throughout time, they would have to like, meet secretively and like, all that shit. So I feel like that gives their collaboration more weight in terms of the risk.

G: Oh. I've realized- I've realized my takeaway.

C: Okay. Great.

G: They broke up before, and they're breaking up now, but they'll be fine. I think that's a takeaway. Honestly, that's my takeaway.

C: I think that's also a thing. I think that St. James's Park was like, a "Yeah like, they've done this before." Like, they fight about things, and they don't really communicate afterwards, but they do come back together in some way.

G: Except now there's a deadline because end of the world and whatnot.

C: Crowley always saving Aziraphale also feels like a takeaway. Also, totally new thing that they added to the show. I feel like they're like- I know this isn't about making Aziraphale look bad, but a lot of it does feel like it's making Aziraphale look bad because it's like, a lot of like, "Crowley knows better" sort of scenes. Like, it could have been like, a rescue and then a rescue the other way around, but it wasn't.

G: I think that's actually very important to me that it's Crowley who's always showing up for Aziraphale. So when the last scene happens, it's like, "Oh. Okay." Do you know what I mean?

C: Hmm. In what way?

G: [laughs] So you don't know what I mean. This is so sad. Well, I think it makes it more like, all this time, Crowley has been saving Aziraphale and all that and all that, and it's always shown to be like, something you can brush off. Something that's like, "Oh, it's not a big deal" to Crowley, at least. But most of them are big deals to Aziraphale. And specifically, Aziraphale always either refusing or attempting to refuse, like, in, you know, 1601, like, he's like, "No, no no no. Okay, fine." Like, that attitude makes it that when he does eventually go, "Okay. I'll do it." like, that makes it more like, a realization for Crowley, that like, it is a big deal, and yet he's doing it because- something. [laughs]

C: Yeah. I feel like all the loud, flashy, acts of service are Crowley like, rescuing Aziraphale, but it ends with Aziraphale doing something for Crowley, like, giving her the holy water. And that's like, we don't really understand the details of that. But that's like, clearly a big deal because it's like, something that Aziraphale could get into a lot of trouble for, and that, like, Crowley wouldn't even be able to say out loud in the park, where they have all their secret meetings. Like, it is like way more taboo than like, maybe anything else that like, they've ever done. So like, I feel like that is like a- I think they could have framed it a little better to make that clearer. But, like, that is the like, moment of like, Aziraphale doing his part or whatever the fuck. And also, like, they're allowed to show their love in different ways, also.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, Aziraphale agreeing to the Arrangement is like, a big deal, as you said. Everything that he agrees to, like, when Crowley convinces him to do it is a big deal. Like, that is a huge act of love and trust on Aziraphale's part. So, yeah, Yeah. They're so in love, it's unreal!

G: In all the ways that we know it, and some that we don't.

C: Uh-huh.

G: Okay, so that's it for the first part of the episode. So what we're going to do is we're going to cut this podcast into a Part 1, Part 2. So we'll have 3.1 releasing today and then 3.2 four days from now? I don't know.

C: Yeah. Something like that.

G: It's gonna be there. It's not gonna be a the next week situation 'cause we want- Well, I want to watch [laughs] Good Omens already, so I'm not gonna wait a week for that. So yeah! Follow us on social media! We interact through the account set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties. So we are on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. And email us at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. Please do it. Please talk to us. 'Cause, yeah, as you can see, we have a lot to say. [laughs]

C: Yeah. And if you have other interpretations or other takeaways for the flashbacks and all that, would love to hear them genuinely. Yeah. Thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[theme song]

-

[beep]

[C screams]

G: Shall we start?

C: I mean, sure, let's start. [laughing] Yeah.

G: [laughing] I'm losing it.

C: What? Yeah, I- This is either gonna be the worst or the best episode of a podcast we've ever recorded, because, like, we care so deeply-

G: I care so much!

C: - but also, we're bonkers to the fucking wall. Like, I'm having a nervous breakdown. I'm gonna start eating wallpaper. Okay.

G: [laughing] I dreamt about them constantly [both laughing] this week. It's crazy.

C: Do you wanna drop the timeloop dream, or do you wanna keep that to write? [G laughs]

G: Well, we can add this section at the end, you know, like, as a- But like, I had this timeloop dream, like, immediately after- As in, like I said, I watched it on Sunday. 3-5AM, I had this dream. It was so vivid in my mind that when I woke up, like, you know you have a tendency to be like, "Is that a dream or a memory?" And like, I was just like, "It just happened, I guess, in the show." [laughs] But the dream was that Aziraphale keeps- they're stuck in a timeloop, and Aziraphale keeps getting into trouble-

C: In 1941.

G: Yeah, in the 1941 with the Nazi spies. And then, like, Crowley would, every single night, have to redirect the bomb somewhere else [laughs] so to save Aziraphale's ass. Which like, I mean, the concept is good, actually. Like, that's a good concept for something.

C: I agree.

G: But like, I literally woke up, and I was like, shaking and everything. And then I rewatched the episode, and I was like, "That didn't fucking happen." [C laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: That's literally not what happened!

C: It's not what happened.

G: But the brain is an imaginative thing.

C: I mean, it could have been what happened.

G: It could have been.

C: We just saw the last iteration of the timeloop.

G: Yeah.

C: Yep.

G: [sighs] Let's start.

C: Yeah, okay. Let's start. Wait [laughing], okay, I have to breathe. [both laughing]

G: Let us go, baby

C: Okay.

G: Also-

C: Yeah?

G: This is like, the first episode in our history of podcasting that I have put in this amount of effort pre-recording. Like, I have 11 pages of notes, [laughing] which is crazy.

C: I have 22 pages of notes if anyone's counting. But, yeah, no, my entire Good Omens notes document is 43 pages long [G laughing] for these three episodes, and pages 21-43 are this episode.

-

[beep]

C: I wanted to tell a really long unrelated anecdote here, but I don't know if I want to anymore, so I guess we can move on, maybe.

G: You can if you like, but okay. It's okay.

C: Okay. No, you know what? You know what? I'll do it. I'm brave and strong. Why am I saying it like that? It's not even an anything anecdote. Okay, so the thing about like, this is that it means that for the last 500 years, Aziraphale's thinking about Crowley with the wrong name. You know what I mean?

G: Yeah.

C: It's not like, just a slip of the tongue sort of thing. Like, it means that like, when he corrected himself in Rome, it was like, that was like, the first time in 8 years he'd thought of Crowley with the right name, and here, it's like, "Wow, for 500 years, he just got it wrong." And like, an opposite story in my life is, okay, so like, I told Danica that, like, my pronouns were changing to they/them in like, high school at some point, right? And then, our situations are such that, like, we really only hang out one-on-one, so there's never-

G: Another person, yeah.

C: - a time when she would have to use my pronouns, right?

G: To refer to you in third, yeah.

C: Yeah. So we spend like, two years like that, and like, the whole time, it's like, good, but like, I guess I am thinking like, "Well, like, when I'm not here, does she get it right? Is she thinking about me correctly? Or like, am I always going to be her girl best friend from sixth grade?" And then like, okay, so like, first, like, okay, someone getting your pronouns right is like, a sign, potentially that they are viewing you correctly in their brain, but it could also just mean that they have a really great, like, brain-to-mouth filter, and that each time, like, while you're there, they're like, on alert, or whatever, so they can translate in the moment, but they're still thinking of you wrong, right? So I was like, "Okay, like, I guess I'll probably just never know." But luckily I did end up knowing, and how I ended up knowing is that the first time I hung out with Danica in a group, which was like, two years after the new pronouns, it was also like, a few days after another friend of ours had recently come out and changed his name and pronouns. So like, we were all together in a group. And sorry to our other friend, but Danica got all my pronouns right, and then fucked up on his name and pronouns a few times, so that was like, simultaneously like a [G laughing] "So she doesn't have a good brain-to-mouth filter, and she is getting my pronouns right," so as a result [both laughing], yeah, I win. I did it. I'm correct in her brain. Hell yeah!

G: God.

C: And again, really sorry to that other guy. Like, she corrected herself, and like, we're good now, obviously, but like, [laughing] it made me really, really happy. And you know what? Aziraphale, do better.

[sakusaur]

friends with benefits

pairing: sakusa kiyoomi x fem reader 

tags: nsfw, mentions of ex, jealous omi?, fluff ending, the basic dirty, choking, hair pulling, ass slapping, no protection so creampie?, everyone is above age here (reader is in university)

word count: 1.5k 

a/n: this is a comfort piece for myself and a thank you for 200! we are almost at 300 oh god

sakusa kiyoomi and you were nothing more than simple friends with benefits. he texts you after training for some stress relief, you text him after classes for a distraction. it was a simple routine between the both of you until someone breaks your heart. 

your phone vibrated as you laid in bed, reading some materials for your class the next day. 

you looked over to see that kiyoomi had texted you and you looked at the time. it was almost 11pm and there’s no other reason why he’d text you this late. 

you: i’m awake 

you: what’s wrong? 

kiyoomi: can i come over? i’m three stops away 

you looked at the clock again, you have a class at 9am the next day and kiyoomi would have left by then. 

you: okay, i’ll leave the front door unlocked. 

kiyoomi simply left the message on double tick and you stood up to go to the bathroom to wash your face, to freshen up. you looked like absolute shit having spent the past week stressing over another guy you were dating. 

since kiyoomi and you weren’t exclusive, or that kiyoomi didn’t mention that he hasn’t been seeing anybody else, you still went on dates, meeting different guys and experimenting. but the last guy ended it off, saying that he needed some distance but it was clear he didn’t like you one bit and only wanted the sex. 

and the sex was terrible. only kiyoomi knows how to make you feel so good, and with his athlete stamina? he could fuck you all night. 

you didn’t bother to put on any makeup or a nice set of underwear since kiyoomi was going to just rip the shirt off you later. he only texts when he has a bad day at training, and you were prepared to get the aftermath of it later. 

in half an hour, kiyoomi entered your apartment and you were still on the bed reading your textbook. “y/n.” kiyoomi greeted you as he opened your door and set his bag on the floor. he went to the bathroom to wash his hands and you stood up to put your books back on your desk. 

before you could turn back to settle on the bed, kiyoomi was already behind you with his hands around your waist and his tall frame enveloping your body as he rested his chin on the crook of your neck, inhaling you slow. he was already taking your shorts off. 

“impatient?” you teased him as you twisted your arm back to run your fingers through his hair, sighing contentedly as he slowly leaves butterfly kisses down your neck. and with his strong arms, kiyoomi picked you up laid you down on the bed and took a good look at you. 

“what’s with the eye bags? you haven’t been sleeping?” he brushes your hair away from your eyes and runs his thumb across your undereye. you shook your head and took one of hand to kiss it, “couldn’t sleep because of something stupid.” 

as you kissed the back of his hand, you slowly ran his fingers against your soft lips before licking the pad of his second finger. you part your lips open to welcome his long fingers, and you stared back up at him. kiyoomi’s expression was priceless with his curls hanging loosely over his forehead, his eyes hooded black with lust as he looked at you sucking on his finger like a good girl. 

“what happened?” kiyoomi asked as he rearranged his position, helping you up to lean against the headboard as he uses his knee to separate your thighs apart. you keep sucking his fingers as he pressed his finger down against your tongue, causing your gag reflex to kick in.

you immediately removed his fingers, a string of saliva connecting your lips to his two fingers, “just some dick who walked out of the relationship”

kiyoomi frowned, retracting his fingers and put both hands on your inner thighs to not let you close it as you look into his eyes. “you’re seeing other people?” he prompted as you tried to pull him closer to give him a kiss but he slapped your hands away. 

you widened your eyes, startled by his actions. the way he asked that question too, it sounded as if he was mad. “i am. why?” you egged him on but kiyoomi just held onto your wrists to stop you from moving and now has both his thighs keeping your legs apart. “i thought we were just seeing each other.” he leaned down to lick your neck, and you whimpered, your hips lifting up in the air trying to get some friction. 

“you never said we were exclusive.” you panted as kiyoomi started to suck on his favourite spot on your neck. he still has his hands around your wrists and you just wanted to pull his hair and kiss him right now. “but you let me mark you, i wonder what do those guys think when they see such a cute girl with my bites all over her.” kiyoomi pulled back to look at your neck, blooming with beautiful red marks. 

“kiyoomi,” you whined as you tried to rub your legs together, “just fuck me already.” kiyoomi scowled at your words. he’d usually comply, making sure you come as quickly and as much as you can. but tonight he was taking it excruciatingly slow, taking his time to tease you. kiyoomi was jealous. he laughed, “you tell that to the other guys too?” 

you moaned as he slapped your clit and he brought his other hand up to your throat, holding it tight enough to choke you but not enough to restrict your airway. you rolled your eyes back, almost coming from the pressure. “i asked a question y/n.” kiyoomi slapped your clit again. 

“no! omi! only for you daddy!” you struggled to answer that as he choked you. kiyoomi smiles deviously and flips you around with your ass wiggling in the air, basically just begging him to fuck you. “do any of those guys know how much your cunt is just dripping from choking? do they know any of the bad things you like?” kiyoomi slapped your ass and you arched your back. 

“omi! please!” you gripped your white bedsheets, your head spinning from the pleasure and your ears immediately perked up when you heard kiyoomi removing his sweatpants and his thick cock sprang free, slapping his torso. 

“you’re only going to be screaming my name tonight y/n, and you’re not allowed to cry over any other guys.” kiyoomi lined his cock against your cunt, you could feel how warm it was and his precum was leaking all over. you started to move back, trying to put his cock in you but he suddenly stopped you, gripping your hair. 

“y/n? who’s in charge here baby?” kiyoomi slapped your ass again and you cried out, a mix of pleasure and pain burst through you as you cried out his name. you were just blabbing his name over and over with drool coming out of your mouth. 

kiyoomi had a tight hold on your hair as he slammed into you with no preparation, the entire room just echoed with your scream and his groans. he started to pick up the pace, your breasts bouncing up and down from how rough he was and you couldn’t stop saying his name. “that’s right y/n, only you-you can take me in so good.” he groaned and bent over, his chest meeting your back. 

“omi! i’m going to cum!” you started to twist your nipples for more stimulation to push you over the edge but kiyoomi let go of your hair and helped you instead, pinching your nipples and groped your breasts. his other hand slipped down to cup your cunt, his fingers rubbing fast against your clit. 

“come for me baby, shit-” he slammed even faster into you, and he felt your cunt squeeze around his cock as your legs shooked from your orgasm. he couldn’t help but cum into you too. kiyoomi moaned your name over and over as he fucked you slow through your orgasm and till his cock grew sensitive, he pulled out. 

“i like you y/n.” kiyoomi confessed as he laid next to you.you laid in the bed, sweaty and your face wet from tears and drool. you looked back at him and thought he was joking, thought he was just saying it because of the post-sex. but he was looking at you earnestly with a smile. you returned it, mumbling an “i like you too omi. sorry for seeing other guys.” 

kiyoomi stood up to grab a towel in the bathroom and cleaned you slowly, kissing your thighs as he wiped your oversensitive cunt. he joined you shortly in your bed, the time was about 3 in the morning. 

“kiyoomi?” you turned over to see him settling into your bed, something he had never done before. he smiled softly in the night and cupped your face. “i’m going to wait till you sleep and i’ll leave.” you couldn’t help but sniffle a little, kiyoomi cares so much for you. “just don’t leave omi.” you sat up and pulled him closer, laying on his chest. 

kiyoomi hugged you closer and kissed your forehead, “you’re not going to cry over shitty boys anymore y/n.” and you drifted off to sleep.

a/n: wow that was longer than i expected...sorry if this wasn’t that great i was going through a tough time. thank you for reading as always and for the 200 followers! 

[jungonesworld]

Why?

Part 2

"Where were you?!" Jake shouted as you came back. You and Heeseung fell asleep and woke up around 9am. Heeseung then had to take you back home because he noticed that you were shaking whole night. In the morning, you were sneezing and Heeseung was scared that you're maybe sick. And he felt like it was his fault. "I found her in forest just few minutes before I called you," Heeseung said and you felt how your heart was breaking. "Hey! Hee-," you started but Heeseung stopped you. "I asked her if she doesnt wanna visit you in work, more like surprise for you. I told her where we'll meet and I also told her to wait there for me...but i forgot about her. Then I realised she's maybe still there so i ran there and I found her there shaking and sneezing." You wanted to kill Heeseung but after this, you just couldn't. You understood that he wanna keep your relationship private. "Oh, Heeseung, thanks but on the other hand...how could you forget about her?!" Jake was angry but you stopped his anger by sentence: "Jake, I need cuddles."

The next day, you and Heeseung decided to go on date, much better date. He checked weather carefully before asking you out. Really carefully. "So, as I read, it's about to rain from 6pm to 7pm. So if we go out now, we can be back home half an hour before it'll start to rain, hm?" Heeseung asked and you were looking at him so confused. "Um, yeah, I think so," you said and smiled. You were glad that there's person, which cares about you. That's something that haven't happened since you're with Jake but now you finally know the feeling of someone caring about you. "Um and where are we going?" you asked and Heeseung stopped. "Um, haha, that's little bit embarrassing since I dont know," he said and laughed. You also laughed but started to think. Where can you two go, where Jake or anyone else who knows about your and Jake's relationship, won't see you? You got it! "I know where," you said and took Heeseung by his hand to place no one else, except you and Jake, know about.

"Wow!" Heeseung said and you just smiled. You took him to same place where Jake took you for your first date. It was wooden bridge in the treetops. "Further is also something like playground but I wanted to have romantic date. And that's place where Jake took me for first date," you felt like it was mistake to mention Jake and your first date in this place, but Heeseung didnt mind it. "Oh, that's...great." That's all he said. "I-I'm sorry if it hurt you or anything. I just dont wanna hide anything from you," you tried to make it look like an apology. But reality was that you just wanted excuse for staying in this place and remember your memories with Jake. But, why? You haven't felt love to Jake anymore or...did you? Well, you didnt know what's happening with you. "No, no, Y/n. That's okay, I understand you. In the end, it's my fault that I cared more about weather than about our date," Heeseung said and you felt bad for how you acted. What if your actions hurt him? 'I hope it didn't,' you told yourself and tried to believe in it. "So, um, let's talk about something else. How was your day?" you asked and stepped on first stair to bridge. As you were going up, you started to feel weak. Your legs started to shake and you were breathing heavily. You fainted but, luckily, Heeseung caught you.

"Where am I?" you asked as you woke up in hospital. You sat and turned around to look for someone. But as you turned, you haven't noticed injection in your arm."Ouch." "Oh, Y/n!" Doors opened and someone hugged you. You knew whose perfume you smelled. It was Jake. "I was so worried about you. Do you feel better? Are you okay? Arent you gonna die? Oh, please no, what am I going I do without my angel. I just wanna say that I lo-," you stopped him by kiss. He was unbelievably worried, that's not Jake you knew for years. That's someone better. Much better. "Yes. Yes. No. I'm not gonna die. And I love you too, baby," you answered and you could see how stone fell of off his heart. How could you agree to date Heeseung when you have the best boyfriend ever? You felt like the only right thing is to break up with Heeseung and tell Jake about it but ask him to forgive you. Maybe he just noticed how you and Heeseung are close and he doesn't want to lost you. Maybe.

After Jake left hospital for work, you called Heeseung. You wanted to break up. And you were sure about it. You heard someone knocking on door. "Come in," you shouted and Heeseung walked there. He already knew what you wanted to do since you told him that Jake was here and was worried. "So, you wanna do it now or when?" Heeseung asked and you told him only one word: "Now." Heeseung looked so sad but then laughed. "Hey, why are you laughing?" you were confused. You two just broke up. "Sorry, sorry...I just...I knew our relationship won't last for long. And I laughed because of how you said that. It's just break up, nothing else." You were mad. So he just played with your heart. And you risked your relationship with Jake for him. "Leave," you couldn't stand him for even just a second. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didnt mean to-." "Leave!" You shouted and his smile dropped. He was sad. But he listened to you and left. Unluckily, as he opened door, you saw Jake. How much he heard? He maybe didnt understand that you just broke with boy you were cheating with on him. Or maybe he did? "Jake!" you sat and tried to stand up to run to Jake. You successfully stood up but...running to Jake? Um, no. You still felt extremely weak. But you moved. One step, second step. "No, Y/n, sit down, please," Jake came to you and helped you sit back on your bed. "Jake, I'm so sorry, I'm stupid bi-," you started to cry but he just kissed you. "I knew you're maybe cheating on me since it was weird to me that you were always out and that you were so close to Heeseung...suddenly. But I dont judge you. I'm not perfect and I realised that I was bad boyfriend but I'm trying my best to change. Can you forgive me please?" You haven't expected this even in the best dream. "I...babe, there's nothing to forgive you but I am the one who should ask if you'll forgive me." "Angel, I need you in my life. Wanna try it again?" You started to cry again but from happiness. You couldn't be happier. Jake hugged you so tight and you both fell asleep.

"Hey! Where are you going?! You're scared?!" someone shouted and you woke up. You saw Heeseung with flowers in his hand and Jake shouting at him. Jake was mad and Heeseung looked confused. "Jake, it's not how it looks like. Otherwise, YOUR girlfriend woke up," Heeseung said and pointed at you. As Jake was looking at you, Heeseung just put flowers on your bed and left. "W-what happened?" "Angel, he came here to give you flowers. I-i dont wanna lost you. That's why I was mad. He always use his handsome appearance and height for getting girls but I dont want him to get my girlfriend again," Jake said and you noticed tear falling down of his cheek. "Babe...He won't get me back. I'm with you, he needs to understand it," you tried to make Jake sure. It hurt you seeing him crying since it has never happened before. "I love you," you told him quietly and kissed him on his forehead. He smiled and answered: "I love you too, princess."

The other day, you could go back home. You were sad, that Jake hasn't told you he will come for you so you called Heeseung. Of course, it was mistake. Big mistake.

[pyotatochip]

just like dancing | hyunjin x reader

what’s up losers. this one goes out to @starhhj​ thanks for always hurting me so good <3

just like dancing | hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader wordcount: 4k inspired by: sidekick by walk the moon summary: meeting up with a photographer for a day of modelling turns into making a maybe forever friend.

ur a model

well. aspiring model.

ur instagram is a buncha pictures that u make ur friends take of you whenever y'all hang out

u have booked a couple photoshoots and submitted them to magazines

u even got published a couple times!!!!

not in anything big, just photography journals and portraiture mags

BUT IT'S SOMETHING!!!!

photoshoots are hella expensive tho fuckin. rip ur wallet

so u join a facebook group, which is something u never thought u would do

the idea was that aspiring photographers and aspiring models would meet up, get experience, and maybe make professional relationships

you? young and cute

all these photographers? 36 yr old dudes

they always invite you to their studios in their houses

to do artsy half nude shoots

so u were pretty unwilling to meet up with most of them

(understandable)

but then this one schmuck posts in the group, just when u so happen to be looking for weekend plans

“looking for a model this saturday, autumn themed shoot at han river. the leaves are really pretty right now, i wanna catch them before too many fall”

han river was a pretty public place, so u DEFINITELY felt safer

and like, ur school is pretty close to there, so ur familiar with the area

u comment “i'm free all day, give me a time and i'll meet you there”

after it posted, you clicked on his profile and

fuck

he was not 36

and he was CUTE

u freaked the fuck out

this kid looked like he was ur age. and he was hot.

should u delete the comment?

why would u do that?

bc ur nervous?

why are u nervous?

bc the photographer is a hottie?

is that really a good excuse?

before u could debate with urself much longer, ur comment received a like and u got a private message

hyunjin: hi! u look great! meet at the main gates of yeouido park at 9am?

“u look great!”

“U LOOK GREAT!”

(jooe sunbaenim is quaking)

screech

you: so early! okay! what kinda look are u going for?

hyunjin: haha i wanna get that fall morning light!!! i’d like it to be pretty autumnal. warm colors, maybe a sweater/scarf/jacket combo? if u have something like that. minimal makeup & hair, if you're into that stuff. hopefully that's all okay (^ム^)

you: sounds good! see you saturday!

you spend the next few days at school literally just thinking about how ur meeting up with a cutie on saturday

u rlly dont know what to do with urself

i show ur friend a pic of him and she's like “HOOYKY FUXKJGN GODJ”

which was basically your initial reaction too

but then shes like “he looks familiar??? is he a model too???”

u have literally no idea but it's completely possible

like, it's a waste to have that face exclusively behind the camera

and suddenly the two of u are like. obsessively going through his instagram bc WHAT THE FUCK he’s like….. REALLY GOOD

like, he does a lot of portraits, but the focus isn't necessarily always the person in the photo

the composition and background are just as important in every shot and it…. shakes u

there’s a few pictures of him too, all of which are v aesthetic

but how could they not be??? have u seen his face????

he also tags literally every person in his pictures whether they’re models or just his friends while they’re hanging out

and he photocreds everyone who takes pics of him!!

you are literally…. fallin’ in love

because he was cute and had a good eye and wrote cute captions and was so humble!!!

ur friend is like “wow we stan a pro”

“he looks seriously familiar tho, right?”

she's like “yeah i'm confused why have i seen his face before”

and ur shook bc like… if u had seen this boy irl there's no way you would forget how cute he is

finally,,, it's the weekend

you get on the train and head to han river early in the morning, dressed up and made up for your ~autumn photoshoot~

as soon as you get to the gates ur like.. holy fuck

it's so pretty

the leaves are a mix of orange and red and green and there's a couple dusting the ground too

no wonder hyunjin wanted to shoot here

ur kinda aimlessly wandering around the gate when u suddenly spot

him

he’s wearing a bomber jacket and has a camera bag over his shoulder

and his neck is literally at a 90° angle while he's looking at his phone

ur like…. that cant be ok

u get a notif while ur walking up to him and its a message from him asking if u were on ur way

“actually, i can't make it”

he looks up and immediately laughs. “hi! y/n?”

u wave. “hi hyunjin!! nice to meet you!!”

y'all exchange pleasantries and he's suddenly like

“your outfit is literally perfect” he steps back to look at u. “exactly what i had in mind”

u put up a peace sign. he laughs again.

uh oh

u really like his laugh

and his smile

and his everything

uh oh

he leads you further into the park where there's less people and more trees

“i brought another jacket and a couple of scarves in case u wanted something different” u say as he's helping you take off ur backpack

“oooooo a professional”

“not even”

he asks you if he can take a boomerang of u for his instagram story and u do a lil twirl

he gasps

“that was cute!!!!”

he giggles while he's posting it

what is with this kid and his giggles

u cant

if he keeps doin it at this rate, it'll probably be the death of u 

which is

cool

he puts your backpack on and pulls his camera out of his bag. “let's take some pics in this outfit and then i'll peek at the other options. i like this look a lot”

and then… he just starts taking pictures

u literally laugh

“where do you want me?”

“wherever,” he goes, checking the pics real fast. “i tend to go for candid shots”

suddenly,,, his entire instagram flashes in your brain

the pictures of people laughing and mid walk and reading books

u thought all the models were just. really comfy and professionals and shit

IT WAS ALL A LIE

“so uhhh…” u literally dont know what to do

u have Never done a shoot Like This

“just walk,” he said. “look around. i'll follow”

you: no fear

hyunjin: just walk

you: one fear

u nervously laugh again and he's hitting his shutter like A MILLION TIMES A SECOND

“okay…… i guess i'll walk then”

u push his shoulder while u walk past him bc he's cheesin at u way too hard for u to handle

“ow”

“that didn't hurt”

“it hurt my heart :(“

ur walking backwards and laughing and he's just. only looking at you through his camera.

so. u wander.

u take a lovely morning walk down the pretty paths at han river

u really were so scared that u would be completely directionless, but hyunjin ends up asking you to do specific things also

“go up on those rocks”

“i'm literally wearing slippery ass boots do you want me to die”

“do it for the shot, y/n”

sIGHHHHHH

so ur up on some rocks trying not to fall into a fucking river

and when hyunjin shows u the pics he takes….

okay

yeah

he was right

the entire time he was shooting, he would just strike up conversation to make you comfy

asking how long you've been pursuing modelling

if u wanna do it as a career or if its just a hobby

about ur family

about ur pets

(he asks a lot about pets)

ur sitting on a bench and he's crouched a few feet away to get those ~angles~ when he asks

“where do u go to school?”

“kyunggi”

hyunjin gasps. “no way! me too!”

you fuckin ALMOST DIE

because u fuckin brainblast and have a recovered memory of seeing hyunjin In Your School's Uniform in the lunchroom and suddenly IT ALL MAKES SENSE

you hop up from the bench and like. YELL.

“OKAY I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED REALLY FAMILIAR ARE YOU KIDDING”

he stands and literally screams and u are. so shocked. “i thought you looked really familiar too!!!! i figured i just had seen your pics on the facebook group!!!! i highkey stalked ur instagram bc i couldn't figure out where i knew you from!!”

okay, wig

he stalked you also which is….. great

“what year are you???”

“i'm a junior!”

you push him.

“boi what the fuck! me too!”

“no way!!!” he's laughing “that's crazy!”

he literally pulls out his phone and opens instagram

u have never seen a person use instagram stories as much as this bitch

like, he intermittently pulls out his phone to get shots for his story

u almost threw hands when u were sliding around on some stupid wet rocks bc he was like “JUMP AGAIN I NEED IT FOR A BOOMERANG”

he does this cute lil hair flip and adjusts his bangs before he starts recording and u…. kinda wanna cry

“I KNEW Y/N LOOKED FAMILIAR”

he spins so ur in the shot with him and puts his arm over your shoulders

“WE'RE LITERALLY IN THE SAME YEAR AT THE SAME SCHOOL”

u laugh out loud

he laughs with you and u have to cover ur mouth so an uwu doesn't fall out

u try not to focus on his literally perfect eye smile as he hunches over his phone to post to his story

like,,,

those crescents

are so cute

and he has this lingering grin every time he laughs

and like. wow. lips. amirite. ladies and gents.

“i cant believe u go to kyunggi,” u say. bc u cant.

“what are the odds. out of all the people in that group, we end up meeting up”

u almost made a joke about it being destiny but then u were like oo no thats creepy dont say that

then hyunjins gasps

and u look at him

and he just looks at you wide eyed

and fucking

whispers

“destiny”

you scream laugh

he's laughing too

but on a real level ur like why would that have been super creepy if u said it but it was cute as hell (and a little heart fluttery) when he did?

he goes on saying it's crazy that you had never had any classes together over the years

“or any clubs,” u said

“yeah!!! what clubs do you do??”

“photography! which is why i'm shocked!!!”

hyunjin gasps again

wtf is up with this boy and his gasps

“i was gonna do photography but they meet the same days as dance!”

BITCH

WHAT THE FUCK

“I DONT DO DANCE BC THEY MEET THE SAME DAYS AS PHOTOGRAPHY”

his entire jaw drops off his damn face

“YOU DANCE TOO?”

“I’M JUST AS SHOCKED AS YOU ARE”

u literally can't believe

“we've been barely missing each other all this time when we could have been best friends :(“

oh ow

ouch hyunjin

that got u right in ur weak heart

like literally u might have a heart condition now bc he just hit u with the “we could have been best friends”

“sorry i already have a best friend”

DGDGSH WHY DID YOU SAY THAT

then he's laughing and ur like… oh fuck wheew

“well, sorry, i'm replacing them now. we have to catch up on lost time.”

and honestly………. he's right

number 1: y'all are both photography nerds

even tho you have begun to skew on the modelling side of it, u always loved taking pictures of scenery and u knew way too much about how cameras worked

and hyunjin really was like a pro

u had watched him adjust settings on his camera for white balance and exposure and everything

and judging by his instagram, he set himself up for some flawless editing too

number 2: y'all are both dance nerds

he tells u basically all his friends are in the dance club and have formed a lil dance crew bc of it

u say u used to take classes when u were younger but now u just go to the gym and hide in a practice room for a few hours every week

he does hip hop! which is so predictable but u still act all surprised

u tell him u used to do ballet but ur much more into urban dance these days

number 3: y'all both don't know how to stop laughing

like literally if either of you do anything remotely funny the other one is fucked for five minutes

ur pretty sure 90% of the pics hyunjin was taking were of you covering your face because ur literally GUFFAWING

and like, y'all ain't even that funny

but the more you laugh the less funny shit has to be for you to be crying

hyunjin told u to stop making him laugh bc his fingers were getting weak and he didnt wanna drop his camera

you, trying not to giggle: its ok u have a strap around ur neck u can drop it

hyunjin, tears flowing freely: PLEASE LET ME BREATHE

number 4: y'all both LOVE UR PETS

like idk man he tells u about kkami and u freak the fuck out because he's just SO EXCITED ABT HIS PUP

and hyunjin almost ditches u right then n there when u say ur more of a cat person BUT he forgives u because ur cat is literally named hot dog

this is highkey the most fun you've ever had on a shoot

like, you feel so comfortable with hyunjin

and every time you take breaks to peek at the pictures he's been taking

u like … literally stop breathing

he's so talented ;;

you eventually swap jackets and scarves and wander around more

and literal hours later hyunjin's like

“are u hungry”

u stare. “always”

he laughs. “do you wanna go to the convenience store and make ramen”

“i thought you'd never ask”

so y'all go to the conbini and pick out ya fave ramen packets

(and some chips and candy bc u have literally no self control)

hyunjin really tries to buy your food for you but you yell at him while ur checking out bc Boi. No.

the cashier: watched the two of you look at food and bump into each other constantly, touching each others arms and giggling the whole time

you: leave me the fuck alone hwang hyunjin or i'm calling the cops!!!

the cashier: ????????

u make ur ramen at the handy dandy hot water dispenser and carefully bring it back to a seating area in the park

“be careful it's hot!!!”

“hyunjin please, u act like i'm not a ramen pro”

“i just didnt want u to burn ur cute lil mouth, damn”

ur entire being goes WEE WOO WEE WOO

u literally almost choke on nothing and you just cough to try to play it off

hyunjin is having none of it

he's laughing his ass off

“wow that got you better than i expected”

“fuck off hwang”

he stands up to leave and u laugh and grab his sleeve

he's giggling before he even sits again

y'all eat ur ramen and chat more about school and hobbies

he tells u about this one time he almost got admitted into a cult

you: wow… pretty AND dumb

hyunjin, flustered: h-hey!

you tell him about how your cat is a rescue and his heart melts

there's a minute where you're staring at nothing in the distance eating chips

and hyunjin is just staring at you

his brain: hoe dont do it

his heart: doki doki

his brain: oh my god

“hey… are you still free all day?”

u look at him. “yeah, why?”

he opens a bag of gummies. “i'm supposed to meet up with some friends to go bowling in like an hour but i wanna keep hanging out. wanna come?”

you groan. “i'm so bad at bowling”

“we can be on a team,” he offers you a gummy bear and you take it. “i'll carry you.”

pls explain why an image of him holding you bridal style popped into ur head sgdhhf

“haha okay. as long as ur friends aren't lame.”

“they are, but i'll be there so it's fine”

“fair enough. i'm in.”

so y'all hop on a bus and head to the bowling alley that (apparently) hyunjin and his buddies frequent

(he's playing pickles with you in the back of the bus and you're giggling so hard that ur struggling to tell him to cut it the fuck out so you don't disturb the people sitting next to you)

((but also feeling his entire body press against you isn't the worst))

you've been to this bowling alley before

it's popular among younger folks because it's cheap lol

the two of you walk in and one of his friends immediately starts yelling

u freeze “dude i thought u said we were gonna be early”

he looked at his phone “we literally are”

this blonde kid is yelling hyunjin's name and ur wide eyed while u follow

“UR LATE”

“I'M NOT”

“IT'S 2:20”

“WE SAID 2:30!!!”

“TELL THAT TO LITERALLY EVERYONE WHO SHOWED UP AT TWO!!!!!”

hyunjin looks over to the group of his friends already bowling a game “oh”

u bust out laughing

hyunjin gets all flustered like “i-i thought it was 2:30!!!”

“who's ur friend, my perpetually late son”

“o-oh,,, this is y/n”

his friend sticks out his hand for you to shake. “hi, i'm chan. were you the model today?”

you grin “are you saying i look like a model?”

“OKAY!” hyunjin grabs your shoulders and you giggle when chan stutters without responding while hyunjin drags you to the counter to rent shoes and pay for a game

hyunjin is: flustered

he's all embarrassed because he was late and got yelled at by his fake dad

and then u went and,,,, u were so smooth with chan

he wondered if you had been flirting with him all morning because you actually liked him or,,, ur just a flirt

he grabbed your wallet out of your hand and shoved it in his pocket so that he could pay for your shoes and game for you.

“hyunjin!!!!!”

“you wouldn't let me buy you food and you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me if you argue i swear i'll throw you down a lane”

you pout but you let him pay

and ur heart,,, it goes off, dude

like,,,, maybe,,,,,,, u would let him throw you sgdgshsh

y'all walk over to the lane his friends are on, bowling shoes in hand

“y/n!”

your face lights tf up. “seungmin!!”

hyunjin looks between the two of you probably six times while you hug before finally going “w-what”

you and seungmin look at each other, then at hyunjin

hyunjin: you know each other

you and seungmin, in sync: photography club

hyunjin: alright, well,

he announces to everyone your name and you were his new best friend and that if any of them had a problem with it they could talk to his fist

you, softly, but with feeling: f-fuck

y'all change your shoes and watch as his friends finish up their game

while they play, hyunjin points each person out and tells you their name, helping you learn all these new people

since u guys were twenty (20) minutes late, they were already almost done with the first game

they were all pretty good. 

well. most of them were.

the guy hyunjin pointed out as jisung kept getting gutter, but he was having fun

everyone else kept getting strikes or spares and u were like oh god

you keep telling hyunjin that ur really bad at bowling

hyunjin: i'll teach you. it'll be like ghost.

you, softly, but with more feeling: f-fUck

you, realization washing over you: wait how would you even-

hyunjin: *giggles*

hyunjin's giggles.

send tweet.

the entire time you were entirely too conscious of how close he was to you

you could feel the burning on your shoulder, thigh, knee - all the contact points where his body bumped into yours

your knee bobbed involuntarily while you watched the game end, nervously anticipating your turn to hit the gutter

and suddenly, hyunjin's hand was gently placed on your knee

it stopped bobbing

you looked at his hand, then at him

he smiled, but kept looking forward

“relax. even if you're bad, i'll hype you up.”

it was barely above a whisper so you wondered for a sec if he was even talking to you

hhhhHHHHH THIS BOY

yall start bowling.

he was. not all talk.

like who the fuck is good at bowling

hyunjin, apparently

he fuckin. chucked that ball down the lane

it made a smooth curve and took out. every. pin.

you stared at the empty lane in disbelief as hyunjin got a couple high fives from his friends making his way towards you

"not bad, right?"

"bro what the fuck"

he laughed and held out a hand to help you up "we bowl a lot"

you didnt even process fully that he was pulling you out of your seat because it was your turn. 

ur hands: sweaty

ur arms: spaghetti

ur vomit: on ur sweater already

not actually

u picked up the ball hyunjin had helped you pick and looked at him like a deer in headlights

"bro i havent bowled since i was six"

he giggled. "you can do this"

he walked with u and showed you his starting stance, gently adjusting the way your wrists twisted and patting your hip

u. tried to not blush. no word on how well you did.

he guided you through your walk up and when u let go of the ball..

…

……

YOU DIDNT HIT GUTTER

you SCREAMED 

"BRO I HIT A PIN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

hyunjin gave you a Sick High Ten, laughing "now you gotta hit the other nine!"

you froze

fuck

the others were starting to calm down from the excitement of your first half-frame, anticipating your second hit

you watched your ball return from the lane n went over to grab it

hyunjin looked at you Once and was likr….. is that caspar the ghost

the color had DRAINED from you

u…. u hit a pin…… thats like the best u've ever done

n now you gotta TOP THAT?

"its like dancing," he said suddenly. u looked at him, desperate to hear advice in terms u understood. "even if you can go through the motions, it doesnt necessarily make you good. you have to trust your body to remember the motions, give it a little finesse, and that's when you start to get Really good."

you blinked at him

"was that supposed to be helpful"

"can you Shut the Fuck Up and Bowl"

you took a deep breath, adjusting your stance as hyunjin reminded you of the steps you needed to take

another breath

steps

swing

let go…..

roollllingngg…………

*HIGH PITCHED WAILING*

"I HIT FOUR PINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

hyunjin scoops u up in a hug, spinning you around

ur too busy SCREAMING to register whats happening until he puts you down

u stare at him a second

he stares at you

"GOOD JOB Y/N!!!!!"

you turn to seungmin, who also scoops you into a hug, the rest of the boys crowding around you

you didnt even have a chance to be embarrassed about the weird eye contact you n hyunjin made

or about how. everyone in the bowling alley was staring at you guys.

because like…… suddenly

you just made a bunch of new friends

and one of them

helped you hit a pin for the first time.

and maybe….

he was still holding your hand

and maybe that felt really nice.

[theday]

all for the ask memes k thnx, im looking forward to the quality content 👏👏👏👏👏👏

 falen already asked me some and i answered those here thank u so much 4 asking jen i hate u but also i love u

OK! Ready: are you looking forward to anything at the moment?

oh worm the new pokemon game lads

Innocent Love: do you remember your first crush? what was it like?

this made me laugh oh fuck again so i was like. 10 and i got a crush on this guy and it lasted for 3 years bc we were in the same class for the next 3 years rip me! but i was so fucking annoying honestly im so glad i managed to Not be like that again with my next few crushes though ofc i was still annoying 2 those and thankfully i am a changed person and honestly i just shouldnt have any crushes bc ill be annoying even if i have learnt from my Bad Past ufhfhhis

god this is is so embarrassing but when i was like 12 someone told him i liked him and i was like bitC????? and u kno normal drama shit my best friend at that time also liked him and i was like !!!!!! wow!!!!! ok!!!!!! and shit happened u know thank fuck i graduated from primary school and i never see them again 

i would send him like o*e dir*ct**n songs bc they had the [redacted] songs and essentially i would send him songs that made me think of him but we werent even friends so he never replied its so fucking funny im gna die i hate that im never talking abt it ever again

Morning Call: what time do you usually sleep and wake up?

its the holidays but i still sleep at 11pm lmofsinwij and i wake up slightly later at 9am it used to be 10am but i hate waking up later than 9am so

Puss in Boots: do you have any pets? (if you don’t, which animal would you want as a pet?)

i want a bird or cat or dog or fish or that!!! one!!! x animal i forgot the name but its kind of like a frog but flatter??? and it has like fins on the sides of its face??? its like :0 ?????? whats the animal someone hmu

Breathless: name the last thing that took your breath away

dare i say it?????????????????? minhyuk which one??? who knows

Polaris: name a place you’d like to go to and an idol you’d like to go there with

omg i instantly thought of amusement park bc i keep remembering the first episode of monsta x’s right now  gdhidnnj so id like 2 go with with hrmrmrmrmmm……… im gonna cry the first person i thought of was minhyuk

Growing Pains: how tall are you?

. 154 cm……….. sanha cant relate 

Confession: imagine your ub confessing to you - how would they do it?

this question is cancelled i dont have an ub and im not gonna list 18 whole scenarios 

Lonely: would you rather be alone with your ub or surrounded by your bias group?

surrounded by my bias group aka all 3 i love living the no bias life 

Star: what’s your star sign?

capricorn same as chae hyungwon and i will never shut up abt that fact bc it makes me happie

Again: top astro ships (doesn’t have to be romantic)

binu

socky

binjin???

Cotton Candy: compare any idol to a dessert 

rocky is warm like lava cake :-0 idk lmfao

You & Me: favourite line from any astro song

oooo weEEEEEEE 

but for real umMMmm i havent actually watched any lyric videos for astro lmao um,,,,,,, so easy to love you??? from csc idk its nice and i wanted to change my bio to that but thats 2 mch effort

Baby: if you could drink out of any of the dream bottles, which would you pick?

give me a second to watch th e baby mv agani 

ok itll be the aroha one bc its probably grape flavoured and the safest 2 consume

Dreams Come True: what do you wish for the most at this point in time?

have i answered this … i want day6 to win that best band performance award BLEASE i thought about how hard they worked and then saw that theyre losing and i almost cried idk much about cnblue so i cant say for sure but i know day6 and theyve worked so fucking hard this year with everyday6 and just?? holding concerts every month and!!!! fuck please if they dont win ill cry and now i just feel so fucking bad bc i couldve voted everyday but i didnt 

Every Minute: you’ve only five minutes left to live. which astro mv would you watch again?

csc bc i need to stream it…….

Lie: if you could watch astro perform one song live, which song would it be?

AGAIN

butterfly: what song do you relate to each member of astro and why?

hRMM (based on the nature of the song itself since i dont know the lyrics also assuming we use astro songs)

myungjun - cat’s eye bc of the the egg……. (also cant believe that video was a year ago tf) also dreams come true bc of his oWWEOOWOOWOoo

jinwoo - confession bc whenever rocky and jinjin rap together i live 2 see another day?? and you smile bc i love jinjins smile :_) and he was jamming out 2 it during the jincha radio 2

dongmin - who is this dreams come true because during the most recent jincha radio didnt jinwoo say smth like… eunwoo this is ur song…idk….

bin - crazy sexy cool since it was said the song was originally meant to be his solo song oh confession for bin too bc every time he says “Hey baby geu ael ijeo” i hear jelly instead thanks jinjin

minhyuk - run because rocky!!! singing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and fireworks bc he choreographed the dance?? iirc…. fuck lets not forget every minute.. iconic.. i love his rap in it

sanha - baby bc hes a babie and he always does the soda sound and dances its so funnie and cute what a loser lmao oh or cotton candy bc the song is rly soft and cute in general??? 

ok thats all bc if i dont stop now ill never shut up….. but searching for the links made me realize how mnay songs they have that have the same title as justin b*eber like… bin please calm urself

run: who do you turn to / what do you do when you’re stressed?

when im stressed i just dont think about it LOL so in the end i dont rly talk abt the reasons for my stress????? if i do itll be 2 falen 

crazy sexy cool: attach your favourite meme of astro

i,,,,,,,,,,,,?????????? my minds blank this is too much its not rly a meme but jinwoo saying its me during that one thing is always so funny 2 me and bell wont shut up abt it so i think abt it like every day

[chelsorz07]

21 year old me was a little bitch

So is 28 year old me. Got another one for y’all. 2010/2017.

Are you cheating on someone right now? no. never have, never will. Still haven’t, still wouldn’t.

Day been rough? nope. it's been a good weekend. i'm just tired. Yeah actually, I spent most of it in bed sick.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? the bed in my hotel room. The cats’ bed. Yes, they have their own full size bed. And yes, I sleep there with them sometimes.

Would you kill a hobo for 100,000,000 dollars? if i could avoid the repercussions of homicide, sure. I would kill anyone for a hundred million dollars.

What makes you laugh no matter what? "wang whiplash" lol Memes. 

Have you done bad things with your parents near by? sure. Yeah but in hindsight not that bad. Just like, smoking cigarettes on the roof.

Do you think your future will be a good one? we'll see. Some days I have hope, some days I’m not sure I’ll see tomorrow.

If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you? no. things may be starting to look up. Not leave but if I could bring my life back home to PA with me that’d be optimal.

Will your next kiss be a mistake? hopefully not. No.

What were you doing 12 AM last night? hanging in the hotel with my mom. watching a halloween special on HGTV. Watching TWD.

What does your ex mean to you? everything. He’s still my best friend, even after all the shit we’ve been through.

Honestly, who are you texting? no one. i'm gonna go to sleep after i'm done here. Everybody’s sleeping.

How late did you stay up last night and why? 2ish. that's early for me. i had a couple glasses of wine and actually slept more than an hour for once. 9am.

What if your boyfriend or girlfriend went through your phone? i don't have a boyfriend. Husband now. And I don’t care. Although I doubt he’d feel the same if the situation were reversed.

Are you angry with someone right now? no one in particular. Not really I just still feel crappy.

Do you have sex everyday? i wish. Funny. I’ve had sex four times all year. Once in January, once in February, and twice two weeks ago.

Do you do drugs everyday? nope. No days. Unless a steady stream of Aleve, ibuprofen, heartburn medicine, and Sudafed counts.

Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours? probably maranda. I have not.

Is it awkward when you run into your ex? no. we still hang out. We try to hang out every time I’m home. If not, I’ll at least visit him at work.

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? sometimes. Fuck no she’s my ride or die.

If you are up after 3 am, what are you most likely doing? trying to sleep. this happens every night. Sudoku, Netflix, and Youtube.

Does anyone call you baby? yeah but i wish he wouldn't. i'm not his girlfriend. and i'm sure as hell not his baby. Um no. We’re not a “pet name” couple. I call him Dick and he calls me “hey”.

Your latest ex calls you and asks you back out, you say? i thought you'd never ask. Sorry, taken.

Do you think you'll be single for the rest of the year? probably. I haven’t been single in a very long time.

Be honest, do you have feelings towards anyone? yep. You betcha.

Is there a girl you can tell anything to? michele and erica. Amanda. And more recently, Faith.

Has anyone ever drunk/high called/texted you? sure. it goes both ways. Many times.

Is there a guy that knows everything about you? yes. Two or three. Dave, Mike, my dad. Maybe Mark (my brother-in-law).

Have you ever liked someone just because they were good looking? well yeah. who hasn't? but if there's nothing deeper, it doesn't work out. I can appreciate some human beauty.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for over 6 months? i have. Over 8 years. Despite the fact that we weren’t technically together the first time I took this quiz, we decided that those 18 months didn’t count because we still spent every day together anyway and knew we’d end up here.

Have you ever lost someone you wish you didn't? understatement. Yeah but I got them back.

You love someone? indeed. I love a lot of someones.

You've had sex with over 12 people, haven't you? nope. two. and one of them, i shouldn't have. That number is the same. But the second one - a subpar one night stand in a Dodge Ram? Bleh. We don’t think about it.

Was 2009 a good year? best year of my life. It was quite good.

Do you think 2010 will top 2009? worst year of my life. 2010 sucked. 2017 has been a roller coaster.

Will you be dating someone in six months? i don't have a crystal ball. Married.

Who is the last person you physically hit? my mom, but jokingly. I don’t hit people.

Do you plan on getting married someday? i would if it were to the right person. I am.

Which is harder: walking away from somebody you love or coming back to someone who hurt you? walking away. hands down. Walking away. Never could.

Did you sleep alone last night? well my mom was in the room too. Yeah Dave won’t be home for a couple more days.

Do you believe teenagers can be in love and stay in love? in VERY rare cases. I mean I was 19 when I fell in love and still am.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? of course. Yeah but I don’t anymore. Not really that into cookies. 

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? several times. I didn’t even go to sleep until late morning. And yes, I woke up a lot. I do that.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh? not a chance. Hell no. I need the lulz to survive.

What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now? having to be patient even though i know things will work out eventually. My physical ailments and my location. And the fact that my tv is a piece of shit so I have to keep turning it off and on just to get sound.

Are you a patient person? no. but i have to be. obviously. Not even a little.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? i don't think it would have made a difference, to be honest. I wouldn’t have let things get so bad with my family. And Dave and I would’ve gotten married at the courthouse instead of having a big wedding because it was a disaster.

What are you looking forward to in the next 7 days? friday. Dave coming back, getting Primanti’s, and going home this weekend.

Is it easy for you to talk to people of the opposite sex? yeah, now it is. It’s not really easy for me to talk to any people, unless they’re an important part of my life.

Did the last person you kissed name start with a B? no. Negative. 

Do you stay up later than ten o'clock on a week night? i haven't been to sleep that early in like ten years. I don’t go to bed at night anymore. Like ever.

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches? no. I’m 5′6″.

Are you one of those people who just don't care? ohhh...i try to claim that i don't. but it's not true. Hahaha alright that’s still the case.

When was the last time you laughed hard and why? wang whiplash. Memes.

Are you generally a happy person? not lately. No I’m a miserable cunt.

Whats on your shirt? hey monday. The Horde crest from WoW.

Where will you be in an hour? here. sleeping. Probably right in this very chair.

Who was the first person you talked to today? mom. I haven’t talked to anyone today.

How do you feel right now? tired. In pain. 

Had sex at school? nope. I didn’t even have sex for the first time until long after I graduated.

Who was the last girl you talked to? mom. Amanda.

When’s the last time you talked to your sister? like 20 minutes. Allie, probably a couple weeks ago. Mandi, couldn’t tell ya. Even when we’re in the same room we don’t speak.

Do you regret something you did today? no. I regret doing nothing today. But I couldn’t really move.

Do you miss someone? yes. I miss everyone. Dave when he’s gone, my family, my friends, my home. I just want to go back.

Will this Sunday be a good one? if i can take a nap, yeah. I’ll be in Bradford so yes.

Are you keeping a big secret right now? i don't have any secrets. Still an open book.

The past 72 hours have you been under the influence? yes. Nope. Don’t drink anymore.

What was the last thing you drank? dew. Water.

Have you ever had a panic attack? many. More than I can count. But I haven’t had one in a while.

Have your parents ever smoked pot? my dad did once. my mom never did. Same.

Want someone back in your life? like you would not believe. The people I want in my life are in it, they’re just too far away.

What's your favorite color? green. Green, black, grey, plaid.

Do you listen to music every day? i have to. it keeps me sane. Usually but I haven’t today. Didn’t have the energy to play anything.

Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately? sad, mostly. angry if i think too hard. happy? well, we'll see. All of the above, and then some.

Are you an emotional person? very. Yessir.

Has anybody ever given you butterflies? he still does. every day. i don't even have to see him. Yes.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying? yeahh.. Often.

When is the next time you will see the person you last kissed? probably never. i'm fine with that. Possibly Wednesday night, definitely sometime Thursday.

Have any memories that you'd like to forget? no. Oh yeah.

[lightly-mydarling]

september 10, 2019

today is group day in clinic, which graciously means i do not have to get to campus until 9am. i have lofty goals to work out before i leave for school, but in reality i wake up just moments before i am supposed to leave. these days there is an exhaustion that permeates my very bones, and i have a small idea why but do not like to think about it.

group is pleasant enough -- bumbly, goofy dr. s has provided us actual breakfast with scrambled eggs, canadian bacon, and biscuits with a side of fruit. i try my hardest to stay awake during this time, but unfortunately during presentations i start to nod off. some things never change, and apparently my perpetual exhaustion is one of those things.

lunch is uneventful, and then i have one patient in the afternoon whose tooth we had been trying to save is infected. a series of consults results in us scheduling the patient for an “emergency” extraction the next morning and again i find myself thankful for the faculty we have at our school. this doctor in particular has a voice that is at once comforting and calming, and i always feel like i am in good hands whenever he is around.

the afternoon ends and i am exhausted so i settle in for a quick, quick nap before i awake to prepare for john mayer’s concert. this is a date i have been looking forward to for over three months (wow, has it already been that long?), and my loves, jm does not disappoint. if i am honest, every song of jm’s is good so there is no way he could go wrong, but all night he plays favorite after favorite. i did not even cry during adele’s or sam smith’s concerts, but sometimes here i feel tears springing to my eyes. i go with my friend s, and i am glad he is also a jm fan -- imagine attending this perfect, perfect show with someone who does not appreciate his music.

jm is very special to me; he is the first artist that my brother turned me on to at the end of high school and i feel like a lot of our memories are associated with him. several times during this concert i find myself wishing 1) that my brother was here to enjoy it with me, and 2) that k was here. during “gravity” in particular i look around at the crowd and couples are in each other’s arms and swaying as jm sings just keep me where the light is and i miss k fiercely. if i am honest, i did not realize how much hope i had put on the idea of seeing him this weekend. when he declared it was not happening, i broke down immediately. today i feel so empty, but i find solace in knowing that truly, i have done all i can to try to make things work. i am flying to halfway across the country to chicago to see a boy i have spent only 36 hours with -- how much more can i do? if he cannot spare me a few minutes of his time when we are in the same city after months apart, then this is the clearest sign from the universe that we are done.

after the concert we attempt to go to waffle house to hang on to the high, but our friends are tired and the area is a little dodgy, so s drops me off at home and i lay in a bliss that feels a little bittersweet. so many people in my life who have come and gone. k, yes. always k. but i cannot forget mister dt, who gifted me these tickets for my birthday. because i know where thanks is owed, i must say this -- thank you, d. i hope you are well.

[mkschnoe]

When I learned to feel nothing at all.

I’m a nanny - one year in my new life in Florida.

Nick, Kayla, and Megan. I drop them off ... I come home to their huge house. I park the work car that was given to me just to take care of them everyday. Who gets a work car? A fucking nanny in Odessa, Florida.

I clean their rooms, strip the sheets from their beds, gather their laundry, wash their clothes.

Now I’m prepping their snacks for when they get home. I pick up the Publix deli meat and it makes me sick to my stomach. I know I’m vegan but it’s even worse today. I run to the bathroom and I’m throwing up. What is wrong?! I smell it again, nauseous. This will pass.

I continue my daily routine before I pick up the kids, soccer, snacks, dinner and now it’s time for me to do this all over again at my house - home to my fiancé and his daughter.

I’m walking up the drive way and my fiancé tells me my boobs look good today ... umm, that’s not normal. They’re too small for him to notice.

SHIT! Fucking shit! I’m pregnant.

I mean, we’ve talked about it but we haven’t talked about it becoming a reality. We’ve only talked about ‘one day’ when we are ready - like anyone’s ready to have a kid? We warm our hearts with conversation about what his or her name will be, but not right now.

I hear his comment ...

I say nothing, I smile and walk upstairs.

The next day I am back to my routine at work with the kids and as soon as I get back to the house I run to the bathroom with a test.

I set it on the bathroom counter - it’s positive. ITS FUCKING POSITIVE!

I’m pregnant.

I’m 22 - I am a nanny- I am a week away from finals, and I am pregnant!!

I look at my phone, no Mariah. You can’t tell him in text. You can wait until you get home. Okay, no I can’t do that. So I call him and after a long pause I tell him I’m pregnant.

Really? Wow okay.. are you sure? That’s what he says ... yes I’m sure. I’m looking at it now.

I manage to get through the evening and when I get home it’s okay, he’s okay. I didn’t expect him to be okay but he really wasn’t.

This is the beginning of when he shifted. He said we can’t do this ... the next day he was holding me, smiling, and preparing a game plan.

Now it’s my first ultrasound that he refused to go to because on that day he decided we will not do this.

My heart is racing, I’m sweating, clinching to the table - my little sister is sitting next to me, and the nurse is prepping me for the ultrasound.

Isn’t this supposed to be the most exciting part for a woman - to transform and create a human.

Shouldn’t my fiancé be here eager to catch a glance at what we created?

I rest my head back and wonder what he’s thinking right now, does he feel bad?

The nurse doesn’t say anything - she tells me she needs to get the doctor. I start to cry, my baby is dead, there’s no heart beat.

My little sister is holding my hand, telling me it’s okay, I can’t breathe, I’m crying harder than I ever have before, she grabs her phone to google what this could mean. “It’s okay sissy, it could be in the tube” she said.

My little sister is here trying to comfort me knowing damn well she doesn’t know how to right now.

It should be him.

The doctor comes in and I don’t remember one thing he said - I’m walking down the isle to the front desk. The lady is smiling and I’m told to sign the documents. I see Tuesday 9am DNC and I drop to the floor. My sister lowers herself to tell me it’s going to be okay.

I don’t remember the drive to her house but I drop her off at home even though she wants to stay with me.

I drive myself to the beach, I’m sitting in the parking lot, and I call him. Trying to understand me through my tears and trying to catch my breath I tell him the baby is dead.

I’m sorry Mariah, he said. What did he say next? He said, “I told Megan I hoped he baby was dead because I’m not ready to be a dad again”

I hang up.

Megan is a girl he had an online relationship with through Facebook the first year of our relationship that I found out about days after this.

I am twenty two and I’ve experienced my first miscarriage with more heartbreak than I asked for.

What did I do? I do what any woman is expected to do, get over it. I continue my life. I continue my relationship with him. I put this in my box - my mental box where I store trauma and pretend these never happened so I can smile, and get over it.

Like I’m told to.

The morning of my DNC he wakes me, we get in the car and drive to the hospital.

We have to wait a few more hours because I had a snack on the way over and I wasn’t supposed to eat.

Today he decided he would be with me - we’re laying in the hospital bed and he wants to have sex. So I lift my hospital gown over, laying on my side, as he’s inside of me and I’m looking at the machine in front of me that’s keeping track of my heart rate - wondering what it would be like if the lines went flat and I didn’t have a heart beat at all.

[roogerriffic]

Love to Hate - Chapter 21

The next morning. It’s Christmas day. Another shitty Christmas. Laura is spending the day with Justin and I am home by myself. 9am I finally hear from Seth. He calls me, I pick up quickly.

I say “Hey babe, merry Christmas”

He replies “Merry Christmas babe”

I chuckle a little bit, its pure sarcasm.

He says “Don’t be like that, I maybe in another town, but I have plans to make it a good Christmas for you”

I ask “What are you planning?”

He says “I’m not telling, it’s a surprise. You will love it”

I tell him “Just tell me. I need something to look forward to”

He says “No, just look forward to a surprise”

I sigh “Ok, I will look forward to the surprise”

He laughs “Jeez, you aren’t sounding like you are looking forward to it”

I reply “I just want to know”

Just then I hear a knock at the door. I tell Seth “Hang on babe, there’s someone at the door”

He says “Ok”

I walk to the door and I open the door. I am in absolute shock. Emotion takes over, a few tears roll down my cheeks. Seth is standing there. So is all of his family.

Seth smiles “I told you to look forward to a surprise”

I quickly step up to him and wrap my arms around his neck. I tell him “I love you so much”

He says “I love you too”

I ask “Why would everyone go to the trouble of coming here just for me?”

Ron answers my question “Seth told us what happened and how you made him go without you. It didn’t feel right, so we all decided you should be celebrating with us”

I let go of Seth and give everyone a hug one by one. I still can’t believe that they would do this for me. Just them turning up has made my Christmas the best Christmas in a very long time. It’s not long before Xiao takes charge about cooking lunch. I have no idea what she is going to make with the lack of items in my pantry, but I let her raid it anyhow. Rachael and I help her.  Xiao tells Rachael and I to sit down with Seth, Ron, Spencer and the girls because she is just going to set up my slow cooker and put everything in there for a few hours. It’s getting late now, Seth’s family have gone to his place for the night, Seth is staying with me at my place. The day was perfect. It was like a Christmas should be. I never once thought of the charges against me. Seth and I are in bed now, just laying together and talking.

Seth says “You seemed to enjoy today”

I smile “I did. It’s been a while since I have enjoyed Christmas. Thankyou”

He says “You are welcome. I couldn’t bare the thought of you being alone on Christmas, especially with everything that has gone on”

I tell him “I love you”

He says “I love you too” then pauses for a moment, smirks and asks “So can I get some now?”

I laugh then say with sarcasm “That was classy”

He smiles “You didn’t answer my question”

I sigh “Ok, you can have some”

As soon as I said that he quickly stripped himself off, then worked on getting my clothes off. After we were done, we both fell asleep straight away.

New years has been and gone. The detectives are still on my back as more evidence has mounted against me. The case is going to court. The court date is in a month’s time. As far as my business goes, I can’t pay my staff, I have to tell them what’s going on today because I haven’t told them anything about this. I will have to complete the orders myself because all the cakes have been paid for. It’s going to be a lot of long days.

I send a group text message out to all my staff “I need to talk to you all, come around to my place at 12pm for lunch and drinks”

They all reply and all of them can come over which is a bit of relief. Midday comes around too quickly. I am nervous because I don’t know how they will react. I am basically sacking them and I feel terrible about it because they don’t deserve it, they all work their asses off for me. When they all arrive, we all head outside to the entertainment area. I decide to tell them sooner rather than later.

I take a deep breath and start by saying “I don’t have good news, in fact it’s terrible and I feel terrible about this”

Damien asks “What’s wrong?”

I say “Well, there’s no nice way of putting this, so I’m not going to sugar coat it. All of you are out of jobs”

Casey snaps “You are sacking us? What the fuck? All of us have worked our butts off for you and this is how you repay us?”

I say “I got arrested on Christmas Eve for embezzlement, I am being framed and I know who is doing this to me, but I can’t prove it. All my accounts have been frozen, I have no way of paying you and I can’t expect you all to work for nothing because you can’t live without an income”

They are all in shock. Hannah eventually speaks up “You got arrested?”

I say “Yes, I did. It’s going to court. If I’m found guilty I can possibly go to jail for a long time”

Something just snapped in Hannah, it shocked me, she starts yelling at me “How the fuck can you let this happen. You are nothing but a piece of crap, to leave all of us without a job like this, I really hope you are proud of yourself. How do you sleep at night?”

Usually I wouldn’t take that from anyone, but I decide to let it go. Sara steps in she says to Hannah “Settle down, we are all in the same boat, you aren’t helping the situation” then Sara turns to me and asks “So what about the customers who have already paid for their orders?”

I reply “I will be completing the orders”

She says “You can’t do all that by yourself, I will help you, I don’t expect to be paid”

I tell her “You can’t live off sunshine and rainbows, you need an income”

She says “I have a pretty decent savings account that can keep me going, I will help out as long as I can”

I say “Wow, thankyou so much, that is so generous of you”

She smiles “No problem”

That went better than expected. Sara is the only one who can help me out. The rest said they had to focus on finding a new job, but they also said if and when I get back into business again, let them know because they would like to work for me again. New years has been and gone. The date for my court case is getting closer. I am becoming a nervous wreck. I have been busy finishing off these cakes and Seth has been working so we haven’t seen that much of each other lately. I decide to finish up early and go over to Seth’s place and surprise him. I arrive at Seth’s place, walk to the front door. I still have his house keys so I use them to unlock to his front door. I go into the lounge room. I immediately freeze at the sight. Seth and Dayna are half naked on the couch, Dayna is straddling him, they are moaning into each other’s mouths. My heart shatters into a million tiny pieces. I feel tears form in my eyes, but I hold them back. I don’t want to cry in front of Dayna. I distract them by dropping his house keys on the floor. They both look at me. Dayna has a smirk on her face and Seth looks mortified.

I say to Seth “I hope she was worth it because we are done”

I turn away and leave. Seth catches up to me just as I am opening my car door.

He pleads “Please Ash, I didn’t know, I thought I was with you”

I laugh “You know how stupid that sounds, right?”

Tears well up in his eyes and he says weakly “It’s the truth”

Tears start streaming down my face “We’re done Seth. You slept with my sister”

He says “I am so sorry, I really thought she was you”

I get in my car, turn the ignition on and drive off. Can my life get anymore fucked up? Dayna has fucked my business, my relationship and I could end up in jail because of her.

Next Chapter   Masterlist   Previous Chapter

[filterhoshi]

seeing monsta x at the airport in sf!

hello i really wanted to do this post!!! this day was so much fun and i met lots of people. i’m going to write this post in bullet points bc i feel more comfortable writing it this way. so .... yeah i’ll just start here?? lol this is gonna be long

so the day before, july 19th, my friends were originally going to sleep over then just head over to sfo early in the morning

we didn’t even know what time they’d be arriving so we were like ok lets just go at 5am!

they didn’t end up sleeping over so i had to pull an all nighter bc i don’t trust myself waking up

i also chose what i was gonna wear like an hour before we left bc i always do things last minute hhdfcdjh

my mom and i left my house at 5am and i was slowly getting tired so i got coffee from starbucks to keep me up

like i didnt even sleep since 2pm the day before .....

after picking up both my friends we hit the road!

there was traffic but the drive wasn’t too long and we arrived at sfo around late 7??

ive never been to the domestic terminals so it was kinda confusing

my mom dropped my friends and i off at terminal 2 and just left to go to a mcdonalds lol

my friends and i wandered around terminal 2 on the 2nd level,, we were at baggage claim and didnt really know what to do

we went up to the first level and it was like where people left to board and where people arrived?? idk how to explain it im sorry

there was a starbucks there so my friends got stuff and i didnt cos i was fine

my friend constantly checked twitter for updates and monsta x hasnt left yet 

at this point it was like 9am, all three of us pulled all nighters, and we didnt see anyone else who looked like they were waiting for monsta x

we then headed to terminal 1 level 2 and chilled there for like 30 minutes maybe

monsta x still hadnt left so we looked at remaining flights and the ones they’d most likely be on were in terminal 2 so we moved there

there were seats there and outlets so i charged my phone and we all just sat

my friend went to go get her internet friends and we all just chilled in the little seating area

it was about 10am and my mom brought us food bc we did not eat at all

my 2 friends left and i was left w my friend’s friends ..... yall i dont wanna use names bUt YoU know what i Mean

there was a guy and asked us if we were waiting for monsta x and wow !! we met another fan ! so there was just a lil group of us

lololol if u guys see this .... hi

ANYWAYS

my 2 friends came back and the 6 of us went to go to the international terminals aka on the other side of the airport

we had time to kill so why not!

((before my 2 friends came back my friend’s friends figured out monsta x would be coming at 2 or 4pm and it was 12pm at the time))

there really wasnt anything to do so we just went back to terminal 2 and continued waiting

2 other girls came and waited with us and we were like a cult

we took up half of the waiting area basically!

another girl came and i ended up talking to her for a while

it was like 2pm now?? and monsta x were coming at like 4:39

3 more girls came and we were just this huge ass group,, it was nice

honestly we thought we were the only people there but we were so wrong hjdcnjdfh

my friend’s friends soon then found out monsta x were arriving earlier and they’d be coming at 4:19 so i was like yes!!! thank u god!!!

i was lowkey getting impatient

time was going by so slow i swear and im still surprised i wasnt even tired

we all decided to go up to level 1 at 4:10 and i swear i was shakin and getting hella nervous

iDK WHY BC IT WASNT LIKE I WAS GONNA TOUCH THEM OR SOMETHING

when we went up there were like 20 other people waiting for them too and i was sh00k

more people came though eventually

my ass was just shaking the whole time and trying to prepare myself

there were fansites too and it felt weird seeing them in action lol

so it was way past 4:19 and my friends and i were just like uh??? what??

the longer we waited the more nervous i got bc they could be coming out anytime soon

people walking out were so confused why there were so many people waiting and asked us who we were waiting for

a security guard was like “who are u guys waiting for? justin bieber?” hhdfcjndj

these 2 guys came out and asked us to make way so we were guessin they were w monsta x bc they waited after telling us that

SO AT 4:49 PM

THEY CAME OUT

I WAS SHAKING

sadly everyone started to crowd and i was trying to give space but it was hard to back up

i have a video and there were a lot of people getting in my way and i bumped into so much people

OK BUT shownu and kihyun came out first

and BITCH it took me a while to register that i was them like

i just stared at kihyun for 2 seconds like ??? then i was like WAIT MINUTE IT’S THEM

the crowd started moving and after shownu & kihyun it was jooheon and changkyun

FUKCING JOOHEON’S HAIR I CANT- YALL GOTTA SEE PICS LMAO IM SORRY SWEETIE

um wonho was after jooheon and changkyun but in the video i took i noticed i barely acknowledged him shcbjdcnd

IT WAS HAPPENING SO QUICK OK IM SORRY WONHO

like i deadass skipped over him and pointed my camera to minhyuk lmfaodjfcndj surprise! minhyuk is my bias!

i still got some footage of wonho tho

ughhhh minhyuk was wearing a hat and mask but i was still WHIPPED and thought he was the most beautiful person in the room bc well i mean he was

he looked pissed tho

most of them look tired or annoyed and i just kinda kept stepping back

some people were getting to close and i tried yelling out to give space but that didnt work

HHFNCJD i yelled out “YO MINHYUK IS SO BEAUTIFUL” i hope he heard

this girl in front of me got so close to him tho like u could see it in some of my pictures and the video i took

when they were going outside to the van i somehow went from the front of the crowd to the back??? idk

they all got into their van pretty quick

some people shouted their names,, in the video i took all i heard was wonho and jooheon

i shouted minhyuk though

i love him so much dont @ me

they shut the door so quick though idk why i thought it was funny hhdfnvjd

wonho waved before the door closed so .... ye

they drove off right away after they closed the door

no one touched the van or like banged on the windows so don’t worry!

once they left

MY ASS WAS CRYING AND I COULDNT BELIEVE I SAW THEM

all that happened in less than 2 minutes i was so ajhsnsjdhcn

my friends and i were just freaking the fuck out

i collapsed onto a pole bc Holy Shit yall i saw monsta x wow!!!!! WOW

my friends and some of the people waited with just got back into a small group and looked at pictures/videos we took

we went back inside and sat down to look at everything

i was still in shock bc oH MY GOD

after like 20 minutes of just looking at pictures we decided to leave and it was 5pm

so basically my friends and i waited at the airport for 8 hours without sleep to see mx for less than 2 minutes

it was so worth it lmao

my friends and i slept in the car on the way back home tho so there’s that!

well that’s how it went down when i saw them!! idk if i should post pics from the airport since it happened a few days ago but ... yea

um idk if i’ll do a post about my experience at the concert bc it might be boring since i didnt do hitouch?? maybe ill do it,, ill think about it. if i do it,, expect it to be out in a couple of hours lol.

[teachingoutsidethebinary]

We Are Family Part 3: Let’s Eat!

Summary: Y/N is kicked out of her parents house after they learn she's gay. She turns to her best friend's aunt, Peggy Carter, for a place to stay and winds up at 384 Friday Avenue. The house is crammed with colorful characters all trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives. Avengers AU

Characters: Reader, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Thor, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson, other eventual Marvel characters

Word count: 1581

Read previous parts here

Before you could even process what happened, the brownstone exploded in a bustle of activity. Sam, Nat, Bucky, and Steve raced downstairs, and you followed closely behind. You quickly tossed the sheet and blanket on your bed and walked back out to the living room.

A blonde man stood in the center of the room holding three boxes of pizza. His hair was disheveled, and his shirt was peppered with small holes. A white band aide covered a small cut above his left eyebrow. There was no doubt in your mind that this mess of a man was Clint.  

Thor (still shirtless) and Bruce appeared from their hole in the basement, and Tony walked out of the kitchen carrying paper plates and a stack of napkins. Clint carefully pushed aside some of the electronics on Tony’s workspace and placed the pizza on the table. The salty smell of cheese and rich tomato sauce wafted through the air and your stomach grumbled. You hadn’t eaten since early this morning at the train station, and you realized you were starving.

“I thought Fury fired you,” Steve said accusingly.

“Come on, Mr. Responsible, Fury can’t get rid of me that easily,” Clint scoffed. “I promised I would take some Saturday night shifts and work delivery for the next two months. He even let me take home these no-show pizzas, so really, you should be thanking me. Do we even have any food in this house?”

Steve shook his head. “We’ve gotta go shopping tonight.”

“See?” Clint replied. His attention turned to you. “And who is this?” he asked.

“That’s Y/N,” Nat replied, taking a piece of pepperoni out of the box. “Be nice, she just moved in.” She handed you a plate and gestured to the boxes. “Plain or pepperoni?” she asked.

“Plain’s fine,” you said. Nat picked the biggest piece she could find and put it on your plate.

Instead of migrating to the kitchen table, everyone found a place to sit in the living room. With all nine of you there it was quite crowded, but you didn’t mind. It felt homey. As you ate, questions bombarded you from all sides.

“How old are you?” Sam asked.

“Eighteen.”

“Where are you from?” Thor asked, his mouth full of pizza. Steve slapped his arm, and you giggled.

“Maryland.”

“Land of the crabs!” Clint declared. “I like it!” He took a voracious bite of his cheese pizza.

“What do you want to do when you’re older?” Bucky inquired.

“I want to open a music school.”

“You play?” Steve asked.

You nodded. “Piano and guitar are my favorite, but drums are cool too.”

“What brings you to the city that never sleeps?” Bruce asked.

You swallowed nervously. “Um, my living situation wasn’t working out,” you finally responded. “It’s a long story, but I don’t want to get into it right now.” Steve smiled at you encouragingly, and everyone else stared at their plates, not sure how to respond.

“Star Trek or Star Wars?” Tony finally asked, breaking the almost-awkward silence.

“Dude, Star Wars, for sure,” you replied.

Tony nodded his head in satisfaction. “I like her,” he said.

Everyone quickly finished up eating and got ready to go to the grocery store. While you waited for everyone, you decided to unpack your clothes. You had managed to stuff most of your clothing from back home in your suitcase, and it all fit in the dresser by your bed. You put your shampoo and other toiletries on top of the dresser in a neat line.

Unzipping your backpack, you pulled out your laptop, charger, phone charger, wallet, and other miscellaneous items you had grabbed before leaving. Your laptop went next to your toiletries and you plugged your phone charger into the outlet under the windowsill. Resisting the urge to cry at how little you actually had, you kept yourself busy by making the bed. You carefully tucked the sheets under the mattress and placed the blanket on top. You sat on the bed and dug around the bottom of your backpack for your money.

You had been able to withdraw almost $1,000 before your parents had called the bank and locked you out of the account. You sighed, knowing there was a lot more in your savings. You hid the money in the bottom drawer of your dresser under a stack of clothes and climbed back on your bed.

“It’s all about perspective, right?” you said aloud. “You’ve got a place to sleep, a possible job, and you’re safe.” You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths.

A gentle knock pulled you back to reality, and you saw Sam standing in your doorway holding a pillow.

“Here, Nat said you might need this,” he offered. You gratefully took the pillow and looked at your bed, debating which end to put it on. After careful consideration, you put it on the end closest to the door. Smiling in satisfaction, you turned back to Sam.

“Thank you,” you said, shyly.

“Anytime. You ready to go?”

You nodded and walked outside with Sam. Everyone else was already waiting, but something seemed off…

“Thor!” Clint yelled. “Put on a damn shirt!”

Thor stared at his bare torso, as if he had forgotten he was half-naked. “Fine, if I must,” he grumbled, walking back inside.

“Coupons!” Tony gasped suddenly, dashing back inside after Thor.

“Oh my gosh, we’re a mess,” Bucky declared, putting his head in his hands.

“But you love it!” Nat sang, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Bucky pretended to swat her away but broke out in laughter instead.

Thor came back outside finally wearing a shirt and Tony followed with a stack of coupons. The grocery store was only two blocks away, and the cool air of the early evening made it a pleasant walk. The conversation flowed easily, and the sadness you felt earlier had almost completely disappeared.

When you finally reached the grocery store, everyone grabbed a basket and wandered through the different aisles. You paired up with Bucky and Nat.

“What do we need to get?” you asked as you walked down the cereal aisle.

“Dunno,” Bucky shrugged. “Nat and I usually get cereal and snacky foods.”

“Everyone just kind of gets whatever,” Nat chimed in. “It works out for the most part.”

“Except that one time when Clint AND Bruce AND Tony all got those huge ramen packs when didn’t all go to the store together,” Bucky interjected. He shuddered. “We ate ramen for weeks. It was awful.”

Nat nodded sympathetically as she grabbed a box of Cookie Crisp. “What kind of cereal do you eat, Y/N?” she asked. You tentatively took a box of Fruit Loops off the shelf and held it up.

Bucky grinned and added the box to his basket. “I love these! Good choice.” He grabbed two boxes of Coco Puffs while Nat chose Cheerios, Chex, and the chocolate Special K.

“You can’t live without snack foods,” Nat declared, walking over to the next aisle. You filled your basket with granola mix and other healthy snack bars. Bucky, on the other hand, grabbed a few boxes of generic cookies and chips.

About twenty minutes later, you all gathered in front of the cash registers with your food. Bucky and Nat were right, there were hardly any repeats. Fruits, veggies, meat, milk, bread, frozen pizzas and more filled everyone’s baskets. You couldn’t keep track of how Steve and Bruce were splitting everything up on the conveyor belt because they were moving so rapidly. Tony stood by and handed coupons to those that needed it, and somehow, the totals were all equaling about the same.

“Whoa,” you breathed, admiring the sight before you.

“When you’ve been doing this for as long as we have, it gets pretty easy,” Nat replied.

“How long have you all lived together?”

Nat paused and did some mental calculations. “Well, I’m 24 and we all moved in together when I turned 19. So 5ish years?”

“Wow, that’s a long time to share a room with someone. And a house with a bunch of guys for that matter.”

“Maybe,” Nat admitted. “But I wouldn’t change anything about it.” You nodded and focused your attention back to the conveyor belt.

“Okay, I think that about covers it,” Steve declared, putting the last of the items on the belt.

“Wait, Steve, where’s my pile?” you asked.

Steve shook his head. “On me tonight.” You opened your mouth to protest, but his playful glare stopped you. “You can pay me back another time, kid,” he said. You silently vowed to make good on this promise once you got a real paycheck.

Everyone grabbed a few bags and began the trek back to the brownstone. By the time you got to your new home, you were exhausted after the events of the day. With everyone’s help, the food was unpacked quickly, and they all made their way to their respective bedrooms.

“Y/N, my shift starts at 9am tomorrow,” Bucky said as he climbed the stairs. “I can introduce you to the owner of the coffee shop, and you should be able to get a job no problem.”

“Thanks Bucky,” you replied gratefully. He smiled and waved goodnight before disappearing up to the second floor.

You took a fast shower in your new bathroom and settled back under your covers. Sleep quickly consumed you, and you didn’t even have time to miss your old bed.

TAGS: @buckyappreciationsociety

[alwaysming]

My BTS Concert Experience

방탄소년단 (BTS) had a two-night concert in Manila, Philippines for their The Wings Tour Trilogy III last May 6-7, 2017 in Mall of Asia Arena. For being a fan of BTS for more than two years, it’s my first ever concert experience with them. It’s the fourth time of BTS to visit Philippines yet those previous concert I wasn’t able to watch so this time I was totally in cloud9 for being able to finally watch them perform live in a concert. So now here I am writing a blog post telling about my experience that I think I will never ever forget for the rest of my life. DAY 1 | May 6, 2017 A night before the concert, I had a mixture of feels anticipating one of the most beautiful time of my life being a BTS Army so I wasn’t able to sleep well but when the morning came, I woke up too early! ㅋㅋ The first day started 7:30pm but I went to MOA around 9AM and I ate lunch in Mcdonalds!!! I started lining up around 11am but I needed to buy an Army Bomb Lightstick (I ordered online but it didn’t still arrive) to use in the concert (Army could relate with me when I say that lightsticks gave fans an incredible experience ㅋㅋ) so I lined up another line in buying it ㅜㅜ But it was all worth it because I was able to buy. We were allowed to enter the arena around pass 5pm. I was so glad that I was in front of the line so I didn’t have any trouble going inside.

When I entered the venue, since it was my first time to go in an international concert and also going inside the MOA Arena, I was really taking my breath the moment that I got into my coral area (I was in Coral 502 E-4). Wow! it was indeed gigantic! I was so amazed by the stage set up and with the venue too! And there were just few people at that time so I took the opportunity to shout so loud and ofcourse the time of taking photos! (thanks to my twin who patiently took it). Before the show started, to entertain fans while waiting they keep on playing BTS MVs on the big screens and so since everyone was so excited, we keep on singing along to it and doing some fanchant practice ㅋㅋ In waiting for the show to start, I was able to meet some fellow PH Army near to my seat and my seatmates too! (I really like the girl –sadly I forgot her name– who was infront of me, but luckily I met her while taking my video and oh she’s from Cavite and we’re the same Taehyung biased!)

The show exactly started 7:30 and when the lights all turned off, 봄날 (Spring Day) MV was playing before they came out and so all of us were very excited while singing along too loud. But when the show was officially started as the VCR was playing, all of us were shouting so loud (especially when their faces individually shown) my eardrums broke ㅋㅋ The moment that the white silk fell down on the main stage and the intro beat of “Not Today” was playing, “OMG I didn’t know how I would react, it’s just that I was too excited to see them that I couldn’t believe that it was actually happening to me!” I was so surprised when I was tearing really hard. Really, I literally cried so hard the moment that I saw 7 real human bodies of BTS standing inhumane on the stage. I didn’t even know I was like that when my seatmate comforted me touching my back (omg she’s like my mom ㅜㅜ) and I cried hard even more, I was choking with my tears as I still continue following the fanchant. I seriously didn’t expect that I would react like that so I think I wouldn’t forget my first glace with my boys as they are performing in front of me. Their next performance was “Am I Wrong”. I really like it. When they started the choreo, omg I kept on telling myself “oh my gosh, is this really happening?” “Am I not dreaming or sth?”. But when “뱁새” played, Wow! Just wow! It was really super lit, I was so surprised by the fanchant! Everything in the arena was on fire especially when it was followed by “쩔어”. Their individual performances were beautiful! I would never forget how PH Army chanted each members names before they will perform. During Rapmon’s solo on “Relfection”, wow! PH Army’s fanchant after “I wish I could love myself” was “사랑해”. It was so heartwarming ㅜㅜ. Jhope’s stage was super duper cute! He’s a really good performer and he’s very adorable, his smiling face makes you feel so good! He really deserves his name. :) Jungkook started all the solo performance and he started it really well. It was my first time to see his “Begin” choreo because I keep on preventing myself watching the fancams of it, I am so amazed by his performance and I’m very proud of what he is right now. He was once a very shy boy but now he is killing the stage all by himself (don’t touch me ㅜㅜ). Taehyung’s performance was so calm but gosh since he is my bias, I think my heart beats so fast I think I was hyperventilating! His voice is really beautiful, I couldn’t think of any beautiful sound than his voice. ㅜㅜ Suga’s stage was so powerful, his rap is so strong that I couldn’t imagine I am still alive! ㅋㅋ He looks so divine with a piano behind him! 진짜!! Then Jin, oh my gosh. His stage was the most dramatic ever! I really love his vocals, it’s soothing my inner soul everytime he hits the high notes! Woa~ listening to his voice live melts my heart ㅜㅜ Jimin, oh my gosh. My chimchim, his performance was so dead serious but it was indeed beautiful. His dancing skills and vocals ㅜㅜ I really love all their performances! ㅜㅜ One of my favorites was really the “Cypher 4”. Since I fell in love with Korean hiphop, I really anticipated for this performance because it will be my first time to jam with it live. Wow. The feeling jamming to this song is really unexplainable! It was so dope I couldn’t handle my feels! Woa~ They are really good on live performances! They are totally my jam!!! ㅜㅜ I also love how they remixed their old popular songs, my heart jumped back and forth to the air and my body. Wow, just wow! I really missed them singing their old songs that I teared up again. But when they performed “I NEED U” my world fell apart. Like really!! I really love this song so much. It was in their “School Love Affair” era when I became a fan 4 months before their 3rd mini album in which “I NEED U” was the song they promoted on music shows. On that time, I waited for their comeback as a new fan so that comeback song is really memorable for me because that’s the first time that I waited for an artist to do a comebacl and it is such a beautiful song ㅜㅜ So when they performed I Need U, literally I was crying really hard that I got runny nose and cough because of it. It was so special for me, on that very moment while they are performing as I’m crying, I was talking to myself “Oh my gosh. Never in my life I imagined that I will see them performing this song live as I’m watching them.” “Before, I am only watching them perform this song in music shows that I watched on TV or youtube but now, here I am, watching this 7 beautiful angels singing and performing my favorite song.” (Don’t touch me pt.2) ㅜㅜ I know I was crying really hard and my seatmate asked me “Umiiyak ka na naman girl?” (in a good way tho, maybe she was just surprised how emotional I am when everybody was so hyped ㅋㅋ) I couldn’t forget how they performed so good. It’s the best! ㅜㅜ When talking about their hit songs, Blood Sweat and Tears, it’s unexplainable!!! Woaa~~ I couldn’t imagine again that I am watching this incredible moment live!!! “2!3!” was one of the most emotional part. When Taehyung said “ang bilis ng oras” gosh. That’s it. I’m done. My tears are back again. It was so beautiful on how they will sing it live, you will get so emotional and goosebumps all the way! Really ㅜㅜ especially when PH Army sing along almost the whole song, wow! I’m totally done. ㅜㅜ I sang along too while crying ㅋㅋ The last part when Bangtan let us sing the last part and the music stopped but we just kept on singing. I couldn’t imagine how fanchants are so much beautiful after I experienced this. Wow, I never thought that fanchants could strike my inner being and make me so emotional. During their last song, I can’t stop my tears. Gossh it’s “Spring Day”! It’s one of the most emotional songs in the album! Woaaa~~~ I knew that I was crying very hard but I can’t stop singing along too. ㅜㅜ The choreo is so beautiful in person! Wow~~ Everything in this performance is so perfect! ㅜㅜ When they did the ending/goodbye part after the song, I fell in love with our “Ohooh~” fanchant while Bangtan were saying goodbye. ㅜㅜ I love this night so much. It was my first time to be in their concert and watching them live so this night is so special for me. Everything was all so worth it! I will never ever forget this day in my entire life. ㅜㅜ I was so emotional in this night but everything is really perfect for me.

Oh. I saw them before they entered the arena. They are so heavenly beautiful! ㅜㅜ

Thank you so much to my Bangtan! You made me so happy on this night. Please let’s see each other again soon. I love you!“ (Note: This is just only Day 1, I will do another post for Day 2 here. And oh, I will upload a vid of my experience here)

[bloodlinesbabe93]

Scared~ Part 18

"you sure you want to carry her?" I ask Maddie had slept the entire 3 hour plane ride, and was still asleep on Bobby's shoulder.

"I don't mind, she's not used to getting up at ungodly hours of the morning" he says

"I've been doing this 6 years and i'm still not used to it either" I say making them laugh

"I don't think you ever really get used to it, you just learn to deal with it" Adam says

"true. its like dating you, I've just learned to deal with it" the guys bust out laughing. but Adam looks at me and pouts.

"am I really that bad to deal with?" he asks

"of course not. i'm just kidding"

"I thought I was easy to deal with" he says still pretending to be offended

"besides the fact that you snore and hog the bed. you aren't bad"

"God his snoring is horrible" Kyle says which makes me laugh

"atleast I'm not a blanket hog, I don't talk in my sleep, or fight in my sleep" Adam says

"really you went there?" I ask

"okay enough you two" Bobby says

I was slightly annoyed he brought up the fact that I fight in my sleep. I only do that when I have nightmares. which recently have been frequent.

I was happy when we got into the rental car and i could be away from him for a bit. I sat in the back, with Maddie who was still asleep. it was only 9am and we still had a 2 hour drive to the first show.

"there's a Cracker Barrel about 20 minutes away, so we'll stop for breakfast and then head to the venue" Roddy says. he was driving with Adam in the passenger seat.

"thank God, i'm starving" Adam says

"you're always hungry"

"look at whose talking" he says looking back in my direction.

"enough you two" Bobby says again.

did he mean I ate too much? was I getting fat?. I knew one thing. I was going to barely eat breakfast. I focused on Maddie, allowing her to cuddle into my lap for the remainder of the drive. I was glad when we pulled into the Cracker Barrel parking lot. I was already over being in the car, and it had just begun.

"come on Mads, time to eat breakfast" I gently shake her awake

she opens those pretty eyes of hers and yawns.

"sleep good?" i ask. she nods

"how did I get here? last thing I remember was Uncle Bobby picking me up and carrying me at the airport"

"you slept through the whole plane ride, he carried you the whole time. we've only been in the car for 20 minutes"

"oh" she says

"come on let's go eat"

"yay i'm hungry" she says. I walked with her across the parking lot, slowly following behind the boys.

"there she is, enjoy your nap princess?" Bobby asks. she nods

"thank you for carrying me" she says giving him a hug.

"you're welcome sweetheart"

we walked around and looked at the toys while we were waiting to be seated. "look Aunt Liv" she says excitedly showing me one of the toys.

"how about this, if you're good during breakfast, i'll let you pick out one toy and i'll buy it for you"

her eyes lit up "really?" she asks excitedly

"yep, but you have to be good"

she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly

"I love you Aunt Liv"

"I love you too Mads"

"awww, how cute" Kyle says

"aren't you a little old to be looking at toys?" I ask

"nope. what's the fun in growing up" he says

"well you and Maddie will get along great, you're both kids"

"i'm not a kid, just an adult that likes to have fun" he says making me laugh

"I still think you'll get along great. she already loves all of you"

"I noticed, and I love her too. she's a cutie" he says

"I know" Maddie chimes in making both of us laugh

"come on Mads, let's go wash our hands before we eat"

"can I go with Uncle Adam?" she asks

"I don't know where he is sweetheart" she sighs and takes my hand as we walk toward the bathroom.

I felt two arms wrap around my waist, I turned around to see Candice

"I've missed you" she says hugging me tightly

"I've missed you too"

"how are you holding up?" she asks

"its been a rough 2 months, but i'm surviving."

"i'm glad, i'm always here for you. you know that right?" she asks. I nod

"thank you, I honestly couldn't have survived without you and Adam"

"you're basically my sister. i'm always going to take care of you, and this little cutie" she says

"Mads, this is Candice, my best friend"

"wow she's pretty" Maddie says

"awww, she's so sweet" Candice says

"well most of the time, unless you wake her up, then she's a little terror"

"I am not" Maddie says very dramatically making both of us laugh

"see what I mean"

"she's cute though, and that makes up for it" Candice says

"true, i'm just glad to be travelling again, and I got to bring her along this trip, and allow her to see some of the country"

"are you going to be bringing her with you all the time?" Candice asks

"we don't know, it just depends on how she does. she'll be starting school in a few weeks too. if she does well, we'll bring her with us until we figure out a plan b. I really don't want to end my career, but if I have to for her I will"

"Johnny and I will help as much as we can, and i'm sure so many others will too" she says

"so everyone has helped so much, she loves the guys. and i'm sure she's going to love Johnny. he's basically just an overgrown child"

"I heard that" he says giving me a hug

"I'm not wrong though" I say which makes them laugh

"babe, come on, our table is ready" Adam says

"i'm catching up with them, i'll come join you soon."

"alright, Maddie want to come with me?" he asks she nods

"take her to the bathroom first, she needs to wash her hands"

he rolls his eyes. "really? you were supposed to do that 20 minutes ago"

"sorry, I've been talking with them and got distracted"

he walks off, taking Maddie with him.

"woah, everything okay between you guys? I've never seen you guys argue like that" Candice says

"I honestly don't know what's wrong with him. he's been grumpy since we got off the plane."

"still though, he's never like that with you around" she says

"I know."

"just remember he hurts you and i'll kill him" she says which makes me laugh

"that makes two of us" Johnny says

"I don't think anything's seriously wrong. I think he's just tired and hungry. once he eats he'll probably be back to normal"

"that boy has never been normal" she says making me laugh

"well, as normal as he gets"

she laughs and hugs me again

"we should head out, but it was good to catch up with you, and i'm sure we'll see you later today at the venue" she says

"I hope so, If he decides to be a jerk after we eat, i'll come find you guys."

"please do, I don't want you to have to deal with him if he's being a jerk"

they hug me one final time before walking away. I walk into the restaurant to find the guys and Maddie. once I spot them, I sat in the only open chair left. of course it had to be next to Adam

"about time you show up" Adam says

"will you stop being a dick"

"language" he says mocking me

"really now you're going to mock me?"

"what the hell is going on between you two this morning" Bobby says

I got up and walked out. I was done. I couldn't handle him anymore. I got into the back on the van, and just sat there. Tears filled my eyes. what did I do wrong? we had always teased each other. but it never lead to him being a jerk.

I laid across the back seat. hoping I would be able to fall asleep before they came back and got into the car. I laid there in silence for a while. until I heard familiar voices approaching the car. I quickly pretended to be asleep. hoping that they would leave me alone.

"guys hush she's sleeping" Kyle says

"she's probably just faking it so we'll leave her alone" Adam says

"dude lay off will you" Bobby says getting annoyed

"i'm being serious, when she doesn't want to talk, or deal with people she pretends to sleep. I think i'd know my girlfriend" he says in a very matter of fact tone.

"keep going the way you have this morning and she won't be your girlfriend for long" Bobby says

"seriously though what happened between you guys to make you argue like that?" Kyle asks

"because i'm dating someone whose extremely insecure" I couldn't believe what he had just said

"dude, you know all she's been through and the last two months have been hard on her" Kyle began

"I've also been nothing but good to her, and she's still insecure. how do you think that makes me feel?" Adam asks

"well if you're a good boyfriend you should want to try to help her. instead of being a jerk about it" Bobby says

"I've tried everything guys. she just doesn't get it" Adam says

"i'm sorry i'm just a broken child who you can't fix. i'm sorry that I've wasted the last 8 months of my life getting to know you and letting you in. you know Adam if you didn't want to deal with me, you should have just broken up with me a long time ago. instead of dragging me along making me think you loved me." I broke down crying. harder than I had cried in the last 8 months

"Liv, I do love you" Adam began

"it doesn't seem like it Adam"

"dude you messed up big time" Roddy says

"Aunt Liv, why are you sad?" Maddie asks curling up next to me

"don't worry about it sweetheart" I say. she hugs me tightly, making me feel slightly better.

I laid there in silence, for a while, I kept my eyes closes. hoping that I would be able to fall asleep, and forget everything that just happened.

I was so glad the car ride from hell was over. I took my bags and walked as quickly as I could to the girls locker room. once I walked in, the girls could see my tear stained cheeks and red eyes from crying so much

"Liv, what's wrong?" Candice asks

"take one guess"

"what the hell did he do?" she asks I could tell she was mad

"after you and Johnny left he kept being a dick, so instead of eating breakfast I went to the car and laid down. pretending to be asleep once they got in. once they started talking about what was going on between us, he called me 'extremely insecure'"

"i'm going to kill him" Ember says

"please do" I say

"I get first hit" Candice says

"guys, you aren't going to hurt him so stop" Shayna says

"what else did he say?" Ember asks

"he said "I've been nothing but good to her and she's still insecure, how do you think that makes me feel? after that I went off. basically telling him i'm sorry i'm a broken insecure child, and that I've wasted 8 months of my life trusting him. I told him that if he felt this way he should have broken up with me instead of making me believe he loved me"

"wow what a dick" Candice says

"but he also said he still loves me"

"how the hell does that make sense?" Ember asks

"I don't know."

"maybe you should talk to him?" Shayna suggests

"great idea. I definitely want another fight"

"maybe you should just hear him out." Shayna says

"or you could kick his sorry butt to the curb" Candice says

"I don't know what I want to do. I feel like talking to him wouldn't be a bad idea. but I also don't want another fight."

I had barely finished the sentence when there was a knock on the door.  Candice walks over to the door and opens it

"what the hell do you want" she says pissed off

"please, let me see Liv, I need to talk to her" Adam says

"you have some nerve showing up here after what you said to her" she says sounding like she was ready to kill him

"please, let me talk to her" he says again

I walked over to the door, hugging Candice before walking out. I followed him outside. we sat down on the side of the building, where we were completely alone. I could already feel the tears coming to my eyes again

"what did you want to talk to me about?" I ask fearing the worst. my voice was already beyond shaky at this point. I could feel my breathing starting to shallow, and my chest start to tighten up.

he held my hand, and turned so he could look at me in my eyes. "I love you Olivia, i'm sorry I've been such a jerk toward you today. I hate how insecure you are because it makes me feel like a terrible boyfriend. like i'm not good enough for you. i'm trying my hardest to help you see yourself through my eyes. and just how perfect you are. I hate seeing you struggle so much, and constantly feel down about yourself"

"You're right Adam, you've been nothing but good to me. and i'm sorry that i'm still insecure about things. but you are far from a terrible boyfriend. every time i'm upset about something you've been right there to pick me up, and hold me. i'm sorry I dragged you into this mess I call my life. but the past 8 months you've shown me hope. you've shown me love. something I never thought I could experience from anyone besides Ethan."

"you never dragged me into your life. I happily came along for the ride. If I didn't want to be here with you through the good times and bad, I never would have asked you on our first date. I never would have kissed you, said I love you, I never would have met Ethan, asked you to move in with me, and I never would have made love to the most beautiful girl on the planet. i'm so sorry Liv, I didn't mean anything bad about you being insecure. I love you for who you are. I fell in love with your natural beauty, that adorable laugh. those gorgeous brown eyes. I fell in love with every single inch of you"

"I love you Adam. i'm glad I've spent the last 8 months with you. you've shown me what love really means. you took a broken scared girl and made her feel loved"

"and I always will. I love you too Olivia" he says happily

he wrapped his arm tightly around me, and gave me a gently sweet kiss.

"I should get back inside, the girls are probably thinking I killed you by now" I say which makes him laugh.

"i'm surprised Bobby didn't earlier" he says

"you should have heard Candice and Ember, they were ready to go find you and kill you"

"I don't blame them though. I deserved it for being a dick" he says

"wanna meet up in catering? I need to eat something. i'm starving"

"of course I do, go let the girls know everything is fine, and i'll meet you there" he says helping me up.

I walked back to the girls locker room, where most of the girls were waiting, ready for me to tell them what happened

"what did he say?" Candice asks

"everything is good. he apologized and explained everything"

"I still can't believe he did that" Ember says

"he explained everything, he said by me always being insecure it makes him feel like a terrible boyfriend, it makes him feel like he's not good enough, and how he wants me to see myself through his eyes."

"aww, that's sweet. but he should have explained that earlier" Candice says

"oh I agree. but, I forgave him. now i'm going to spend time with him in catering because i'm starving"

"I'm glad you worked everything out, now go spend time with your man." Ember says. they each hugged me tightly before I walked back into the hallway. Once I got to catering, I walked to the table where Adam was sitting alone.

"hey gorgeous, I got you a plate" he says pointing to a plate with food on it

"you're the best babe" I kissed his cheek and sat down next to him

"you missed" he says sweetly kissing my lips.

"seriously thank you for making me a plate, you're the best"

"of course love, i have to make sure you eat. especially since you didn't eat this morning" he says

"that was kinda your fault though" I say with my mouth full. so you really couldn't understand me. he laughs and kisses my cheek.

"who are you fighting tonight?" he asks

"I don't have a match tonight. tomorrow i'm facing Lacey"

"oh well, you get to relax then tonight and watch my match" he says

"yep. we'll be watching" I say happily

"do you and Maddie want to watch from the crowd?" he asks. I shook my head

"I'm afraid she'd run off. speaking of Maddie where is she?" I ask

"she's with Bobby, Kyle and Roddy. they said they'd watch her while i talked to you"

"as long as she's safe that's all I care about"

"don't worry i'm not that stupid" he says which makes me laugh

"I know, you're human"

"thank you captain obvious" he says which make me laugh

"I mean that you make mistakes, but that doesn't make you stupid"

"I know, i'm just teasing you" he says

"better watch it. I still have two best friends who aren't happy with you"

"Neither of them scare me. they're both a hundred pounds soaking wet" he says

"but I should scare you" Bobby says as the rest of them join us at the table

"nah, you wouldn't hurt me" Adam says cockily

"pull a stunt like you did today and you'll find out" Bobby says

"I don't plan on it" Adam says

"good, she's like a daughter to me. and i'm not afraid to hurt any one who hurts her" Bobby says

" be good, both of you. you're best friends and i'm not going to come in the way of your friendship"

"you're worth it though babe. every argument, every time you've annoyed me or I've annoyed you. its all been worth it"

"oh so I annoy you huh?" I ask

"only when you try to. like when you poke me repeatedly while i'm trying to play video games" he says

"but that's fun. you're easy to annoy" he laughs and kisses me again

"you're lucky I love you. you know that right?" he asks

"of course. but I think i'm the lucky one here."

"not possible. I get to wake up next to you every morning" he says

"but that's my favorite thing is waking up in your arms. you're warm and cuddly. even if you do take up most of the bed"

"watch it babe" he warns"

"you don't scare me." I tease

"I almost liked it better when they weren't talking" Kyle says

"shut up Kyle" i say

"I have to go get ready for my match, but i'll find you after okay?" he asks

I kiss him one last time and prepare for the long few hours without him.

@thebutterflygirl16

[jiminie-mochii-blog]

Long Distance Love Affair

So I’ll start a new fanfiction because the other one’s finished I guess.

I wake up because my phone is ringing.

~New Message~

I yawn and look at it.

Jimin: Good morning, Beautiful.

Jimin. The boy that makes my heart beat faster every time I see him. We’ve been a couple for one year but sadly we can’t see each other. You ask why? There’s a distance of 8,247 km between us that keeps us apart. I know it’s hard to imagine how we can even talk to each other because of the 8 hour time difference. Well, we stay up early and go to bed late.

The only problem is, that we only saw each other for a short time and didn’t know about our feelings. I was at a fansign and as soon as I saw Jimin I fell in love with him. And it looks like the same happened to him because he wrote down his number while talking to me and signing the album I brought with me. Sadly, I noticed this as I was at home again. Of course, I saved his number in my phone and contacted him. There were some language barriers in the beginning but Namjoon helped him a lot and he can talk and write English almost fluently now. We got closer because we clicked quickly and couldn’t live with the other. In the beginning we were ‘just friends’ but we both knew this wouldn’t last long.

I would give everything to meet him again. This time as boyfriend and girlfriend. Every second night I have dreams about how it will and awake happy. But this time I had a nightmare like every other night. This night I dreamt about him, meeting other girls, ignoring me and just living his life without me. I felt hot tears in my eyes and quickly wiped them away.

“OH SHIT” I almost screamed as I realized almost 10 minutes already passed. I need to reply quickly or he thinks something’s wrong again. Well, it is but I don’t want him to worry.

(Y/N): Good morning, babe.

I get up and look in the mirror. “Now that’s what I call a bad hair day” I say to myself putting my hair in a ponytail. It still looks weird but I don’t care right now because no one will see me like that besides my parents. Some clothes are on the ground and I pick them up, deciding what I should wear today. I choose a black shirt and some blue shorts and go to the bathroom. As I take my toothbrush, I see that my toothpaste is empty. “Wow. Great start.” I mutter annoyed. I take the toothpaste of my mother and start brushing. After that I wash my face and put my clothes on. I go down to the kitchen and see my mother, who puts the plates on the table. The mugs are missing and I walk to the cupboard to get them.

“We’re going on a trip today for…a week” mom says. I sit down at the table and look at her.

“Who’s ‘we’?” I ask because I know I’ll probably won’t go with them since someone has to ‘take care of the plants’ and ‘feed the cat’. Mom just looks at me and sighs.

“Dad and me” she puts on a fake smile “but you can invite friends if you want to”

Friends. Just because I earn good grades doesn’t mean that I have a ton of friends. The opposite fits more. I’ve got two friends and of course Jimin. But he’s not a friend – he’s my boyfriend. Mom knows about him and is happy about that but she doesn’t care that much. She thinks I should just do what I want to since she and dad are doing the same thing.

“Don’t you want to eat something?” mom asks while looking a bit worried.

“Nah. You know I want to lose some of that baby fat.” I say as I look down at my thighs. Ugh, I hate it. Other girls can eat as much as they want and not gain weight and then there’s me. I eat quite healthy but don’t lose weight.

“But you’re not a baby anymore” mom chuckles. To some I would be a baby because I’m only 17.

“You can say that when I’m 18” I laugh and stick my tongue out to her. I look at the clock and quickly get up. “Gotta go! See you later” I run upstairs, grab my backpack and my phone, put my shoes on and leave the house. Looking at my phone I see that there are a lot of new messages.

Jimin: How did you sleep?

Jimin: Why aren’t you replying…

Jimin: Did you have that nightmare again?

Jimin: You know I won’t leave you, right?

Jimin: God damnit (Y/N)! I’m worrying!

Jimin: Where are you?!

I decide to not answer with a text but with a voicemail.

“Jiminah~ I was eating. I’m sorry. I’m gonna go to school now and I miss you. Can we talk tonight?” I say while walking to my school. Yes, I’m lying. I didn’t eat but why should I eat more than I need to? No, I’m not anorexic or bulimic. I just think I don’t have to eat out of boredom. And I don’t want Jimin to look at other girls who are skinnier than me or have a better figure. Shaking my head I try to free my brain from these thoughts.

After some minutes I arrive at school. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. Jimin also send a voicemail.

Jimin: “I hope you ate a lot and have fun at school. Of course, we can talk tonight. I do everything for my bunny”

He giggles in the end and I have to laugh too but feel bad because I lied.

(Y/N): Pabo… You can be happy I’m sitting in the back of the room. Or else I couldn’t chat with you.

Suddenly someone sits next to me and hugs me really tight.

“Ah I missed you” she said. ‘She’ is one of my two friends and her name is Alana.

“You saw me yesterday” I say while hugging her. She’s the biggest idiot on the planet and I love that about her. She’s smart but always acts like she doesn’t know anything.

~New Message~

Alana takes my phone away and my eyes widen.

“’You better pay attention or I’ll punish you’” she says and laughs a little. My face is turning red and I take my phone away from her and hit her. I look down and see what Jimin wrote.

(Y/N): Don’t say something like that while I’m at school… You know how my friends are.

I look at Alana with an annoyed stare. She just smiles and puts her long black hair in a ponytail.

“Ah you idiot” I say hitting her again and pout.

“Why?! I think it’s cute and I know he won’t do anything since he’s the most innocent creature in the world. No, you two are the most innocent humans in the world.” she says smiling at me again. I know she just tries to be nice but I can’t stand her sometimes. She’s had many boyfriend and always breaks their hearts. She’s a player but when she loves someone, she shows it. It’s just natural to get jealous when you see someone making out with anyone while you can’t meet your own soulmate. I look down on the table.

~New Message~

Jimin: What? I didn’t mean it in a perverted way. But with you want to~

My heart beats faster as I read that and I quickly reply and put my phone faaaar away from Alana.

(Y/N): Shut up.

The teacher enters the class and the lesson starts. Alana is on her phone too. It’s good to know we both don’t need to pay attention because we’re naturally smart. We don’t know why though. The lesson seems to never end… But it doesn’t bother you since you can talk to Jimin.

Jimin: No, I won’t because I love you and cannot not talk to you. You know that.

(Y/N): Yes, I know. I just try to be cool okay?

(Y/N): Omg, no. Please forget what I just said.

Jimin: I can’t breATHE

Jimin: You’re so funny. I can’t stop laughing haha

Jimin: You don’t have to be ‘cool’ for me, babe. I love you how you are.

My face turns red again.

(Y/N): Shut up already. What are you doing? Hanging out with the hyungs?

He either is at a concert, practices or does something with the other members.

Jimin: You need to guess!

(Y/N): Well it’s around 9am so it’s 5pm in Seoul. You’re probably on your way to a restaurant!

Jimin: 100 points to this beautiful lady over here!

I need to suppress my laugh and bite on my finger. Jimin sends another voicemail and I quickly take out my headphones and plug them in.

Jimin: “Hey, say hello to (Y/N) and tell her where we’re going” he gives his phone to someone and you hear Jin’s voice “Uhm…Hi, (Y/N)! We’re going to a restaurant!” he says with excitement. I hear Jimin laughing in the background and smile. I just love his laugh, it’s the most beautiful thing. Jimin mumbles something but you can’t understand and after that the voicemail ends.

(Y/N): Wow. So many information!

Jimin: We’re going to a traditional Korean Restaurant. And you know what? I’m gonna eat as much as I want to!

I smile because I know Jimin eats well. He was always insecure about his body but he isn’t anymore.

(Y/N): I hope you keep your abs though haha

I quickly type another message

(Y/N): I was just joking. Eat as much as you want to. I love you no matter how you look.

He’s gorgeous anyways, I think to myself. Just then Jimin sends a picture of his abs.

Jimin: You mean these? They’re healthy and would like to meet you.

I feel my face getting warmer and Alana looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I quickly turn my phone away from her.

(Y/N): You know you’re killing me, right?

The lesson ends and I go to the other classroom. At least nobody sits next to me in that lesson. Maths goes over quickly and after that I can go home. While walking home I decide to listen to some music.

(Y/N): I love Mondays. I only have two hours of school.

Jimin: I need to tell you something… Are you home yet?

I raise one eyebrow and ask myself what he wants.

(Y/N): What? No but I’m almost there.

After I send this I run towards my house and see someone standing in front of the door.

(Y/N): Babe… There’s someone in front of my door.

Jimin: I know.

I slowly approach the guy and tap on his shoulder. He’s taller than me, at least 10 centimeters.

“Excuse me…?” I say with fear in my voice. The guy turns around and my phone falls out of my hand.

“I tricked you” he says and I still stand there in shock. I look into his brown eyes who sparkle in the sunlight. His hair blonde but his black roots are growing out. He wears an oversized black pullover and a ripped jeans. I feel how tears begin to stream down my face.

Suddenly he pulls me towards him. His muscular arms holding me tight. He places a kiss on my forehead and I look up at him. His eyes disappear as he smiles at me and wipes my tears away.

“Don’t cry” he says and hugs me even tighter.

“I just didn’t expect that” I say and hold onto him so tight that I can’t lose him.