#wow this turned into a rant i did not realize i had that much in me LOL | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

awkwardgtace · 5 months ago

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Meet the Parents

Finally have this done. This has been a hectic may and a hectic start to June. This wound up being a bit harder since I realized wow writing shitty parents when you have shitty parents can be hard. Also I had like 10 plot points I just couldn't fit into here. Pls enjoy

Melody and Caprice's parents decide to make a trip to visit them. It's the worst possible timing, plus they have to hide any sign of the merfolk. This will be fine though... right?

tw: shitty parents, slight emotional abuse, minor transphobia, minor acephobia... honestly just crappy parents, but they are the bad guys of this.

Meet the Parents

Kyrie and Melody were finally happy. Finally trusted each other. Finally at a place they could do something special. Something that only the two could do together. A trip across the oceans.

Everything was planned. The stops at ports. Places to stay that only took cash. Ways to hide her appearance. Each thing meticulous as she finally used saved up vacation time to take a whole month off. The one thing she didn’t plan, or rather that she couldn’t plan for, was an email from her parents. An email saying they planned to come visit.

One tiny little email changed everything. Suddenly her entire home was a problem. Caprice ran off to tell the others, Kyrie especially, while she got to work. Spell components that her brother brought in, bits of scales the two had grabbed, things from too deep in the water. All of it had to be hidden. An entire part of their life had to disappear.

Memories of times before she moved out here helped to keep her focused. The amount of control her parents demanded over her life after that night. The way her dad glared at her every time Caprice discussed his choice to be a mechanic. The drunken rants on nights he came home late. Blaming her for everything that had gone wrong in their lives. If only she’d listened…

“Mel!” Caprice pulled her from her thoughts. From bad memories. “Byss knows a cave he can hide our stuff in. Kyrie is moping down at the beach.”

“Right…” Melody muttered. Caprice walked up and put his hand on her shoulder.

“We can tell them not to come, you can still leave even.” Soft words. Just beneath them she could hear the pain he felt himself.

“No… No, I'm fine. I…”

“I’ll finish packing stuff and start giving it to Byss. Go see Kyrie, before he starts whining. It’s annoying when he does.”

Melody laughed as Caprice pulled the box she almost forgot about from her hands. A gentle shove got her feet moving. Caprice wasn’t as gentle as he dropped remnants of the merfolk into the box. It made this feel easier. Almost at the door, she paused. The blanket for the trip was left out… Melody grabbed it as she finally went outside.

The air smelled of rain. It reminded her of a time after just meeting Kyrie. When he couldn’t understand and she had a dream. In the back of her mind she worried the others didn’t understand. As if they wanted to hide the three from their human lives. It wasn’t like that, but how could they ever explain?

“Melody?” Byssal’s voice made her flinch. She turned around to find the green merman towering over her. This cliff felt so much taller before meeting him and Kyrie. She wanted to say something, but nothing felt right. How could she apologize for hiding them from humans? Humans that knew about sirens and would try to make her leave. That she could barely say no to when they did try to control her…

“Byss, put your hand here!” Cap’s voice pulled the stern gaze off her. Melody took it as her chance to run. Eventually they’d explain… maybe once their parents were gone.

Melody gasped once her feet hit the sand. She’d forgotten to put on shoes. As hard as it was to admit, she wasn’t ready for this. Her parents were a lot, even before her voice. The fights while they were kids. Arguments about her future, about Caprice’s future. Their parents did their best… that didn’t mean it was good.

A chirp brought out her smile. When she looked toward the sound an indescribable blue met her. Kyrie looked worried, almost scared. She could understand, his first family wasn’t great either. Kyrie chirped again, Melody nodded.

He reached forward and wrapped his massive fingers around her. Gently, he pulled her closer to himself. She laughed as one of his fingers adjusted to act as a seat, keeping her feet just off the ground. He only stopped moving her when he could press his nose into her chest. Like this it was easy to consider what Cap said. Just leave, let him handle it. If it was their mom she would, but not their dad.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Are you scared?” he asked. She started to pet his nose.

“No, why do you think that?”

A whine. “Caprice sounded scared.” The fingers grew tighter, his nose pressed a bit heavier against her.

“I guess… Yeah maybe a little. Of them finding out about you, Byss, and Pel. What would happen if they did…”

“I can-”

“You can do nothing. They won’t tell anyone… it’s not that I think they’d do anything…” She didn’t finish the thought. They wouldn’t do anything to him, but to her she knew they’d try. Caprice and Aria had to fight to get their parents to let her move here.

Kyrie whined against her. She could picture Caprice’s annoyed face. It made her chuckle. Melody shifted as best she could on his fingers to lay against his nose. Kyrie shifted himself closer to the water. Waves touched the tips of her toes.

“It’ll be fine, I’ll be fine,” she promised. “I’m sorry about our trip. Maybe I can extend my vacation.”

Kyrie whined again. “Not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry… I was kind of excited, even to be out in the water.”

Melody jumped when a loud purr erupted out of Kyrie. It made her laugh. He would be happy to hear that. She hadn’t been very willing to go out into the water since those mers tried to take her from him. There wasn’t any risk of something like that now. Honestly she was more scared of herself. Losing track of where she was, humming something where the water could carry her voice too far.

“Oh, before I forget,” Melody tapped his nose twice to make him back away. Smiling once his head was hovering over her. “I don’t know how long my parents will be here. So we can use this blanket I bought for the trip as a signal.”

Kyrie tilted his head. So much of how he acted seemed to bleed innocence. An opposite to her in more ways than she could count. An amazing thing. Melody slid off his fingers. As soon as she landed Kyrie’s face was as close to her as he could get. Far enough he could still see her. She unfolded the blanket and held a corner up in each hand.

“When it’s safe to come close I’ll come down to the beach, hold the blanket up like this, and shake it exactly three times,” Melody shook the blanket as she spoke. “You can see this from far enough away we can’t see you right?”

Kyrie leaned closer and took a deep breath. She knew he was taking her scent, it always made her shudder. She trusted him, but it wasn’t easy to push away every underlying nerve. Then he was gone. The warmth, the towering presence, as if he never existed. It wasn’t hard to guess what he was doing, so she shook the blanket every few seconds.

Water splashed her legs as a shadow covered her. Massive fingers, almost wider than she was tall, surrounded her. Melody lowered the blanket, smiling when she found Kyrie’s eyes above her. A smile of sharp teeth covered his face. Soon enough he nodded at her.

“I can see it. I can’t tell if it’s you until I’m here,” he said. She took to folding the blanket as he lowered his head again. “Is that ok?”

The tip of Kyrie’s nose was close. Melody leaned forward and kissed him. A new purr made her laugh again.

“That’s fine, I’ll hide this in the house so no one else can find it. We may not be able to do the trip we planned, but we’ll figure something out.”

Kyrie’s lips crashed into her. His palm behind her. A total force of nature focused solely on her. It was amazing. Melody kissed the part of his lip against her face. This was something her parents would see as dangerous. A risk that he’d kill her. She used to, before she knew the real Kyrie. The one that reminded her of a lost puppy sometimes. If only she could show that side to her parents…

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Caprice had his own panic as he emptied his room. If he wanted, he could leave. Never see their parents again. Sometimes they were fine, but after Melody’s voice… He didn’t want to see their reaction to him being a merman, let alone how much bigger he was as one.

It was almost easy to put each box in Byssal’s hand. So easy he was tempted to climb on and stay there the whole time. He didn’t want to deal with the judgment. Every choice he’d ever made under scrutiny. It would be worse if they decided to start bothering him about dating again. He had no interest, but that wasn’t enough for them. Melody was the only way he could handle them both together. At least it shouldn’t be too long… —----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After all the panic, their parents arrived without incident. Nothing to reveal the merfolk was discovered as they settled in. No awkward questions or the expected digs. All in all, less chaotic than Melody expected. Even a family dinner was moving calmly. She and Caprice cooked without their mother commenting on every move. The pressure of the visit hadn’t faded though.

“So… how have things been with you two living out here?” their mother, Rhapsody, asked.

“They’ve been fine,” Caprice answered.

“Good I’m glad to hear that!”

“No more incidents?” their father, Dearan, asked. Melody immediately deflated. He blamed her when her voice first started and blamed her when Caprice was being held by her former manager.

“No. I still don’t go out much anyway so we can’t have any incidents,” she mumbled.

It got a nod. A silence that was painfully familiar settled over them again. All too common. Aria had a little of the siren’s song in her voice, but not enough to do more than bring attention. Caprice had none. Rhapsody had more than Aria. Her voice faded after Melody and Caprice were born apparently…

For a while the only noise was clacking of utensils against plates. Melody wanted to leave, go hide in her office. Pretend she had some work to do. Maybe start altering her plans for when she could actually go travel with Kyrie. She was so excited to go…

“Mel?” Caprice asked. She jumped. All eyes were focused on her, full of concern. She’d clearly missed something.

“Sorry, I’m a little worn out. Work’s been kind of rough lately,” she laughed.

“Good thing you took so much time off!” Rhapsody laughed.

Melody stiffened. She didn’t mention that to anyone. She forced a smile on her face and laughed along. Caprice had a glare on his face. He would have told her if he told them.

“Yeah, um when did I tell you about that?” she asked. Dearan cleared his throat.

“Your mother’s friend told us,” he said.

“That’s right I forgot to tell you,” Rhapsody smiled. “Anthony, you know his son Andrew? He started working for your company. He mentioned he was working under someone named Melody. I just knew it was you! I had him find out the last name and found out I was right.”

“I-I see. That makes sense. I completely forgot about Anthony.” Melody made a mental note to kill Andrew when her vacation was over. At least tell him not to spread when she was taking time off to his dad. “Well yeah. I’ve done a lot of late nights recently so I decided to take a while off.”

“Just like the rest of our family. Always going overboard. You aren’t doing too much are you?”

“No, mom. I’m fine. Just thought it was time to use up some of the time off I’ve been saving the last few years.”

“Speaking of time off,” Dearan cleared his throat, “have you made any choices about a new job… Caprice?”

“No, I'm still taking online classes.” Caprice was barely audible. Dearan put his elbows on the table and set his head on his laced fingers.

“Could have done that while working at that garage.”

“I didn’t want to.”

“You always take the easy way. Quit when things seem a little tough.”

“I needed a break after being kidnapped.”

That gave the room for another silence to settle over them. Long enough they finished eating. Melody cleared the table with Caprice’s help. He bumped her shoulder, silent reassurance things would be fine. It wasn’t fine though. There was a reason behind this visit. One she couldn’t figure out. Their parents didn’t do things like this without reason.

“Melody, why don’t you make some coffee and tea and we can keep talking in the living room?” her mother called.

Melody didn’t bother answering. She knew better; it wasn’t a question. If she didn’t do it there’d be a lot of passive aggression sent her way. Caprice took care of the coffee for himself and Rhapsody. The two usually had it the same. Melody handled the tea for herself and Dearan. He took it with a bit of milk, she used milk and sugar.

“Got the drinks, just how everyone likes,” Caprice said, handing a cup to Rhapsody as the two walked into the living room. Melody handed her second cup to Dearan and claimed a corner of the couch. Curling up, trying to look small. She hadn’t done that around Kyrie or the others in so long…

“It’s so nice to be with you two again,” Rhapsody sighed. “I tried to get Aria to come along, but she wasn’t interested. She kept saying you’d be upset if we didn’t ask. I knew my favorite twins wouldn’t mind.”

“Right… of course not…” Melody tried not to let her annoyance show.

Another bout of silence. She was fine with it. The sweet tea distracted her. It was hard to keep her questions to herself. Why were they here? How long would they be here? Why did Dearan come along? He’d never really been close to her or Caprice.

“So… are you still seeing that guy you told me about?” Rhapsody asked. “What was his name again?”

“Kyrie? Yes… I’m still seeing him,” Melody smiled into her tea. She might try to sneak down to the beach in the middle of the night, her parents weren’t the type to wake up easily.

“When am I meeting this guy? Has Caprice met him?” Dearan asked. His voice was full of concern. She couldn’t help wondering if it was concern for Kyrie and not her…

“I’ve talked to him,” Caprice said. Saying they met could cause trouble.

“Well what do you think of him?”

Melody’s eyes went wide. She turned to look at Caprice, almost shocked to find him just as stunned. They never talked about Cap’s opinion on Kyrie. A kind of unspoken rule. He wouldn’t judge her and she wouldn’t push him. Dearan cleared his throat again. He was waiting and wanted an answer.

“He’s… fine,” Caprice sighed. Melody bit her lip and looked away. That would never be enough for their dad.

“Just fine?”

“He worries about her. Would rather kill himself than let her cry. I don’t really see a problem.” Caprice shrugged. “Besides, it's her choice. Who cares what I think.”

“I’m not letting just anyone have my youngest daughter.”

“You wouldn’t be letting anyone have me anyway,” Melody mumbled. That got her a glare from Dearan. Tension started to fill the air. He clearly didn’t like that she wouldn’t take his opinion into account in her love life. As if he was stable enough for that.

Rhapsody clapped to gain attention, “Anyway, tell us about him. What does he do for work?”

Another thing that caught her off guard. Somehow she assumed all the conveniently ended phone calls would stop this kind of question. That was too hopeful. Melody took a long slow sip of her tea to think. Caprice shot her a worried look.

“He’s… I guess you would call him a guardian,” Melody said. She was always good at manipulating the truth. This was the best time to make use of that.

“Oh, do you mean for kids?” her mother asked.

“No… more like anyone who needs it…”

“Ahh, a bodyguard then.” Melody gave a non-commital shrug. That was an accepted yes if her mother’s nod meant anything.

“He’s good at his job,” Caprice added.

Melody gave him a smile. He did not return it. There would be a hushed conversation in a few hours when their parents were asleep.

“Does he have chances for growth?” Dearan’s turn to ask questions.

“He has grown a lot since we met,” Melody nodded.

“How about drive?”

“I’d say he’d tear apart anyone that posed a challenge.”

“So it’s a risky line of work? He takes dangerous jobs?”

“No.. I’d say he’s intimidating enough there’s not much risk, he’d devour any that came his way if it happened.”

“Why would you-”

“Dad! Did I tell you I was thinking about going back to college?” Caprice jumped in. He sent Melody a glare.

“We can talk about that after. Melody what did you-”

“I was thinking about marine life or folklore for a major. Maybe learn more about the whole siren thing. Find a way to make it easier.”

“I see.” Dearan answered through gritted teeth.

Caprice was the best at ending conversations. Although siren was the magic word. If that was brought up everyone would go silent. He and Melody were the two that wouldn’t accept that. That wanted answers. It was a hidden, shameful thing… That felt wrong now. Melody was almost proud of who she was. She wondered if Caprice was kind of proud too.

Rhapsody cleared her throat after a few minutes, clearly unhappy with the silence, “So Caprice, have you met anyone lately?”

“I don’t go out so no,” he sighed.

“You really should, your sister has someone. Aren’t you lonely?”

“I’m fine, mom.”

“Caprice, we did talk about this. Maybe you shouldn’t live out here anymore. It’s probably making it hard to find someone. Melody you-”

“Mom, did I tell you the nightmares started to get worse again? The siren ones. Do you have any idea how to help with those yet? You said you’d ask the other sirens you knew,” Melody cut Rhapsody off. The woman looked away.

“No… not yet.”

The two topics that shut their parents down brought ‘family time’ to an end. Rhapsody went right to the guest room. Likely to avoid Melody stopping her to discuss the nightmares. Dearan made his way to the kitchen. He liked to drink after thinking about the sirens. Too bad Melody and Caprice didn’t drink much; he’d be disappointed.

Caprice walked towards the guest room. He’d given up half way through clearing out his usual room opting to move for a while instead. At the door he turned to face her. With a stern look he brought his hand up and curled his index finger toward himself a few times. Melody reluctantly followed him into the room.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he growled.

“I was just answering their questions,” she tried to play innocent. She had made a bad call, told too much of the truth. She knew that.

“There’s no way-” Caprice’s voice rose as he spoke, but he was cut off by a slam on the door.

“Your mother’s sleeping keep it down!” Dearan screamed. Melody and Caprice shared a look. Mirrored eye rolls before he nodded towards the window. Melody nodded back.

In no time Caprice opened it and climbed out. Melody climbed out a bit slower. She needed a chair to help her, couldn’t jump up and pull herself out like Caprice. Once outside Melody led them. All the way down to the beach, just far enough the water couldn’t accidentally touch him. It felt like the first time she could breathe in hours. She sat with one knee up to her chest.

“I forgot how… stifling mom and dad could be,” she sighed.

“You’re not getting off that easy,” Caprice sat next to her. “What the hell were you thinking? Telling mom and dad he’s a guardian was bad enough. At least they’re used to you being weird, but he ‘devours’ threats in his way?!”

“I didn’t wanna lie, Cap.”

“We always used to. Nothing’s changed.”

“...I think a lot has.”

“Nah, if it did they’d notice right away.” Caprice leaned his head on her shoulder. She leaned her own on his head.

“Caprice, I can actually use my voice like in the stories. You turn into a, what? Twenty foot long fish?” She let out a dry laugh. “Things have changed.”

“I think it’s bigger than that, but it’s not that bad. We just play along. Aria always told us it would help deal with mom and dad.”

“Maybe… I just don’t think I can lie about him. I don’t know, this time it’s different. They aren’t going to accept him either way.”

“I mean, if they meet him I’ll just show them what that ‘allergy’ of mine does.”

The two sat quietly for a bit. Just existing free of the pressure they were under. It had always been easy before. Be who they expect and avoid arguments. Now it was hard. Now… now they knew who they were.

“Thanks for stopping mom,” Caprice mumbled.

“Thanks for stopping dad,” Melody smiled.

They settled back into silence. After a bit, Caprice stood and walked towards the water. Melody hummed a song as he did. He tossed his shirt at her, landing it squarely on her head. She made a face as she pulled it off. Already waist deep in the water she understood why. At night they could be themselves. At night they were a siren and an oceanid.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost a week passed with only minor arguments. More questions she’d been dodging about Kyrie. Stuff about his family, where he lives, when they’d meet. Caprice did amazing at changing the subject when it happened.

Caprice dealt with more questions about his career. Love life. Love preferences. Melody made sure to cause a problem each time.

Night was the only period of calm. When she and Caprice would sneak out. He’d go off swimming, she’d watch from the beach. Sing some soft songs, just far enough the water couldn’t touch her when the tides came in. Each night they’d stay out until just before the sun rose.

After the fifth night out in a row, she gave up going to her own room. She fell asleep on Caprice’s bed, like when they were kids. It became a rare occasion of a good dream. She was on the beach with Pelago. The mermaid was playing with Melody’s hair. Caprice was out in the water, Kyrie and Byssal doing something with him. They were too far out for her to see. It was peaceful, warm, something she wanted all her life. Something that happened pretty often in her reality. Something she wanted to keep.

When she woke up her heart hurt. She wanted that peaceful warmth back. The time with her parents felt cold in comparison. Caprice and Dearan fought often. Usually about his future. She fought with Rhapsody. About her attitude, how she would speak out, how stubborn she was. Aria it was always how she didn’t listen, didn’t try hard enough. None of the kids could escape it.

It took more than an hour for her to finally leave the room. It took that long to accept the warmth was still gone. Caprice smirked at her when she opened his door. He was sitting on the couch with Dearan. She walked over and sat on a chair near them. Honestly she was still tired, but going back to sleep wouldn’t do any good. It would just make her heart ache more.

“Thought you were going to sleep all day,” Dearan said. She shrugged. The comment left a silence that felt wrong.

“Where’s mom?” she asked.

“She went down to the beach a few minutes ago. At first she was gonna do laundry, but after she found a blanket that smelled like the water she said it would be better to do it after,” Caprice said. Melody’s heart nearly pounded out of her chest.

“What blanket?”

“Uh… purple with a blue flower pattern-”

Melody ran from the house. She had to make sure Kyrie didn’t show up. By the time she made it to the sand, her mother was holding the blanket up at the corners. Just like Melody showed Kyrie. She nearly fell as she pulled it down from her mother’s hands.

“Melody, what are you doing?” Rhapsody asked.

“How many times did you shake this!?” Melody screamed. She couldn’t keep her fear or anger from her voice.

“I don’t know, three maybe. Why would it matter?”

“Why were you snooping in my closet?!”

“You know that you and Aria always have too many clothes. I thought I’d wash them, you try them on, and we could drop off what you don’t want on our way home.”

“Then let’s go inside and see what clothes you picked for that. This blanket is special.”

“What makes it so-”

One.

Kyrie’s shadow covered the beach.

Two.

Melody looked up, his eyes were closed. His teeth on full display in a wide grin that she’d usually find cute.

Three.

Her mother started to shake.

Four.

Shouts came from up the hill. She didn’t know the others followed her.

Five.

Kyrie reached forward and her mother screamed.

Five seconds.

Melody always assumed her life would take longer than that to fall apart. Now they’d treat Kyrie like a monster. Tell her to leave him. Try to control her, hide her again. They’d push Caprice apart from her. Blame her for putting him in danger again.

One.

“Get away from them!” Dearan screamed.

Two.

Kyrie’s eyes snapped open, he let out a sad chirp. She knew the moment he met her eyes. Realized what happened. That it wasn’t her, their signal wasn’t safe. He’d made a mistake and revealed himself to her parents.

Three.

Her mother grabbed her arm. Tried to drag her away from claws Kyrie left close. Melody was frozen. She wanted to hold his finger, promise it was ok, that she wasn’t mad.

“Dad, calm down!” Caprice shouted.

“That monster is gonna kill them!” Dearan.

“Melody we have to run!” Rhapsody.

Four

A sad whine mixed with a trill that echoed. Chirps farther out in the water, sounds she knew.

Five.

Melody dug in her heels.

Five seconds.

That’s what it took for Melody to realize she couldn’t let the merfolk in her life be hurt by her parents’ fear.

“Enough!” She screamed as loud as she could. Kyrie’s ear fins pressed back against his head. He lowered himself, even started to pull his fingers away. Melody reached out and grabbed one of his claws.

“We need to get away, it doesn’t know what we are yet!” Rhapsody said.

“Melody, listen to your mother and run!” Dearan said.

“I’m not running from him!”

Melody pulled her arm free and walked closer. She spun around, placed her hand on Kyrie’s skin, and faced her family. Caprice waltzed down the beach. He stopped next to her and gave a nod. They were on the same page.

“Melody, what the hell are you doing?!” Dearan said.

“You both kept asking when you’d meet, well,” she dug her nails into Kyrie’s skin, “this is Kyrie… I’m pretty sure by now he’d call us mates.”

Silence sat for a moment. She tilted her head back, Kyrie looked confused. It crossed her mind she’d made the wrong call, said something he’d hate. Then a purr burst out of him. Loud enough she stumbled in surprise. The bright smile that followed was adorable.

Dearan started shouting again. Melody couldn’t make out the words over Kyrie’s purrs. As the shouting grew closer, Kyrie grew quieter. He was silent for a second before he started a soft growl. The shouts quieted in response.

“Melody, get away before it decides to attack,” Rhapsody begged.

Melody gestured to the people who raised her. “Kyrie… this is Rhapsody and Dearan… Mine and Caprice’s parents.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kyrie mumbled. Melody tried to squeeze the finger she held. A small sign of support.

“Get away from it now, Melody. I’m not asking,” Dearan insisted. She merely shook her head. “Caprice, get her away from it.”

“His name is Kyrie. He can understand you too,” Caprice said. He took a step back, a step closer to the water. “I told you it’s up to her who she’s with, besides he’ll keep her safe.”

“Both of you get away from it now!”

Melody stood firm. This was her life, her partner, and she wasn’t running. These people were the ones that put her in danger. Kept secrets to make themselves feel better. They were so desperate to live a normal life, they would rather hide her away. She wasn’t going to do that anymore. She was a siren… and her mate was right beside her.

Kyrie’s growl faded. Caprice put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. A small reassurance. It helped, a little. Dearan and Rhapsody didn’t do anything for a bit. It made her hope that this could be recovered. Her worlds could collide. That, maybe, even their relationship with their parents could improve after all of it. Then Dearan stepped forward.

“After all of this you’re doing it again?” he breathed. Melody stepped back, closer to the water. To Caprice. To Kyrie.

“Dearan don’t-” Rhapsody tried.

“Shut up Rhapsody!” Dearan took another step closer to Melody and Caprice. A step closer to Kyrie. “After all this time you’re bringing trouble to us again.”

“Dearan please!”

“I knew we should have stopped it when Aria paid for that manager. When you started taking singing lessons of all things. But no!” Dearan turned his glare on Rhapsody. “You said it would be fine. That the small signs we’d seen would fade! You said to ignore it.”

Caprice squeezed his hand on Melody’s shoulder. Nails started to dig into her skin. This wasn’t the fight they expected. Not about signs they knew about her voice. All this time they both thought it was a shock. That all the times things hinted at it were because of the audio mixing. Not just her voice.

“You never wanted to get involved. Always saying how it was just a phase!” Dearan continued. He started to pace. Kyrie backed up, the tips of his fingers stayed right next to her.

“Dearan, this is not the time to get into this!” Rhapsody shouted.

“Just like it wasn’t the time to talk about it when our daughter started dressing like a man!”

Caprice’s nails dug deeper into her skin. They knew Dearan had issues when Caprice started to transition. Called him Choir for months. They thought it was a struggle not… not complete ignorance. Melody put her hand on Caprice’s. This was the right move, these people weren’t parents.

“If you let me talk then we could have stopped her before she was too far gone!” Dearan finally turned his glare back on Melody. A finger aimed directly at her. “The only thing good came of the damn sports and then you had to go and ruin it.”

“I told you before that night I wanted to quit,” Caprice growled. Melody squeezed his hand. She hadn’t known that. Dearan’s glare didn’t leave Melody.

“All because of her! If she had listened there wouldn’t have been so much time you spent working! You would have been dedicated to your sports.” Dearan stepped closer. Melody and Caprice took a step back. Kyrie shifted back along with them. More than them. “If you had only listened, but no. No matter how much we tried. Every. Single. Time. You’d start up again.”

“You never told us,” Melody whispered. “Never told me. Just said it was a foolish dream…”

Kyrie chirped softly. He pressed the tip of one finger against her. Dearan started shaking.

“Now you’re doing it all over again. Causing trouble for all of us! Get away from that monster now. We’re all leaving. Immediately.”

Caprice squeezed her shoulder. Melody squeezed his hand.

“No,” they said together.

“I said,” Dearan stormed forward. “We’re leav-”

A hand with dark green claws slammed down, palm towards Melody and Caprice. A deep growl she never expected to love quite so much sounded. Byssal was there, Byssal heard it all. Caprice pulled her back just a bit. A little closer to the water. A large hand grabbed her arm, she turned to see Pel. It was obvious how the mermaid avoided touching Caprice. Avoided getting him wet.

“Melody, make them go away,” Rhapsody begged. “We can talk after this. Once your father calms down. There’s more to talk about anyway. Things we came to discuss.”

“Now you want to talk,” Melody said. Slowly her hands curled into fists. Melody would have stormed forward if she wasn’t held still. “Now, after all of this. After all he just said. You want to talk?”

“For once in your damned life listen. We know what’s best,” Dearan said.

“You know what’s best? You don’t know anything. Neither of you ever listened to what we had to say, to what we wanted to do!” Melody’s eyes burned. A sting of tears that wanted to fall. Ones of anger, an anger she thought she wouldn’t feel again. “You lied to us our whole lives, pretending we were normal. Never thought that sitting your kids down and offering an explanation would help!”

“We only hid the things you didn’t need to know. Caprice would never have been told if it wasn’t such a… public time you learned.”

“Byssal,” Caprice said. The eerie calm in his voice was a match to Melody’s burning tears. “Move your hand.”

A nearly deafening silence followed. The whole time Byss had been growling. So easy to ignore it now, to accept it as a part of life. The silence said more than was needed. The merfolk would do as Caprice and Melody wanted. Whatever that meant. Byssal’s hand moved. Caprice let her go and pulled his hand from Melody’s. He stepped close enough to the water that the waves could hit him any second.

“You would only tell us when it mattered? You only hid what was important?” Caprice asked as he picked a foot up. He hovered it dangerously close to the water. “Then why don’t you explain telling me I was ‘allergic’ to salt water. How did that protect us from a truth we didn’t need to know? What would happen if I touched it?”

“Caprice don’t, you… you might die, it's not safe!” Rhapsody yelled. The lie was obvious. She knew.

“You already know what will happen don’t you? You always knew. Do you wanna know what made me hate sports? The older I got, the tighter my skin felt. As if something was wrong with me, like my body was too small. So what would happen if I stepped into the water, Mother?”

“Damn it Caprice, listen already and get your sister away from those monsters! You said you wanted to help her so stop enabling her!” Dearan screeched. He knew; he wouldn’t fight so hard if he didn’t.

“I wonder if you think I don’t already know? That I’m just testing it. What do you think the real reason is I chose to come live out here with Melody? Quit my job out of nowhere. Just because that creep who kidnapped us when we learned the truth came back? That I was scared?”

Caprice stomped down onto the damp sand. Rhapsody and Dearan called his name. Pelago’s hand on Melody’s arm tightened. Byssal and Kyrie whined. Melody… Melody wanted to sing. She could do more that way, tell her own story that way. Words couldn’t explain just what she felt or experienced after meeting Kyrie. After her own parents tried to lock her up, almost like a princess in a tower.

An eternity passed in seconds as Caprice was hit by the water. He arched his back, the pain easy to manage now. This time, he grew first. His hair got a little longer, body expanded, nails turned to claws. Just as his clothes tore, the scales grew in. Covered his legs as he fell to his knees. They fused to form his tail, just as his hands slammed down on either side of Melody.

“So you poisoned him too?” Dearan said. “Made him think these monsters are something he should want to be?!”

“You should realize they have their own thoughts,” Byssal’s growled words made Melody jump. Caprice was growing, he couldn’t speak.

“Stay out of this you-you thing! I’m talking to my children you haven’t done a damn thing to have the right to speak-”

“Byssal has more right to speak than you do” Melody screamed. “He’s done more for me than you ever have!”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“I know a lot more than you think I do.”

Pelago’s hand on her arm tightened. Kyrie whined. Caprice’s now huge hand came close, circled around her. Byssal kept a low growl moving. Melody closed her eyes. This was solidly setting where her life would be. The humans or the merfolk. Caprice proved his decision. Now it was her turn.

“Did you know,” Melody started, “those songs I always used to hum were real? Part of being a siren… It’s thanks to Byssal I finally know I’m not crazy.”

“Melody now is not the time-” Rhapsody tried. Byssal growled loud enough to stop her.

“Pelago, she makes herself human to help me. Calm me down if something’s gone wrong. Listens to the nightmares I have.”

“Oh guppy,” Pel mumbled. Melody pulled her arm out of the mermaid’s grip. Just enough to hold a finger or two in her hand.

“Both of them teach Caprice about himself now. About the part you were going to leave hidden forever. They respect him too. Don’t pressure him to find a partner. They don’t secretly think he’s not a man either.”

“Enough. Make Caprice human and come with us now!” Dearan growled.

“Kyrie did all he could just to meet me. Even once I could understand him when he spoke the merfolk language he kept learning English. He was desperate to let me keep the parts of my human life he had never been a part of!”

Kyrie’s finger pressed against her. She looked up at him. A bright smile on his face, her own smile at him just as bright. There was so much about him. So much in her own mind. Impossible to explain at this point. She could hear Dearan and Rhapsody talk, but staring into the massive blue eyes over her fixed the issues in her heart.

There was so much, but she knew the solution. Sirens could express so much more in song. It wasn’t just to help others. Melody would use that, use what the merfolk around her had given her, to explain things. She started to sing.

It started off slow. In her mind she pushed all the feelings she’d always hidden. Loneliness, anxiety, otherness. How her own parents left her to feel when her obsession with music was treated with so much hate.

A shift, almost too subtle. A screech of pain that ended in a whimper of apathy. An undertone of betrayal persisted. Isolated for years. Blamed for all the problems. Argument after argument about her own stubbornness being the reason why this happened. How if she listened her life would never have changed. She never would have met the only people who accepted her.

The song faded slowly. Entered into a small empty time. Darkness, nothingness. All she could do was exist. Then it stopped. The world itself waited for her to continue. Knowledge that her song was far from done.

Slowly, Melody hummed. It was filled with warmth and curiosity. An air of nerves anchored the harmony in reality. Her dark, isolated life changed. She met Kyrie, Pelago, and Byssal. Caprice turned into a merfolk. Finally there were people who understood. People who would hear that she was anxious to sing and respect that. Caprice looked happy again, the first time in years.

It carried on to hold bits of pain. Kyrie grew, the stones tried to control her. The way her own voice had been a weapon that nearly killed people she loved. At the same time she watched thousands upon thousands of sirens die. Souls bound to the stones that tortured her just as they had been. Then Caprice saved her. Destroyed the exact thing that would hold her in eternal pain. He set thousands upon thousands free. A revelry of relief. A symphony of thanks. Yet the panic and fear stayed, still coated in a warmth that only grew stronger. Undertones of reassurance, relief, and understanding.

Her song neared its end. The time they learned and grew. Days Kyrie made her smile just from understanding her. Peaceful days on the beach where Pelago would sit with her while Byssal and Kyrie helped Caprice adjust to his new size.

Melody turned to look at her parents as she ended her song. The feeling of warmth faded as she took them in. It was clear they didn’t like what she’d done. Caprice chirped as Kyrie’s fingers closed in around her. Melody placed her palms against his skin. A small tell to keep her on the ground.

“You’ve gone that far with all this?” Rhapsody’s voice was dark. “I hid so much to keep both of you safe and now you’re throwing it in my face? Fine I was a bad mother, but I’m not letting either of you sell yourselves to those soulless creatures! I was packing your things Melody. That’s why I found the blanket!”

“The house was sold. You have until the end of the month to move out. We were contacted last week about the lease ending,” Dearan said. Melody dug her nails into Kyrie’s skin. “The new owner wouldn’t discuss it with us. Now I’m glad he wouldn’t.”

Byssal and Kyrie whined. Pelago chirped. Melody and Caprice laughed. All of this for a secret they didn’t think would need to be shared. A private sale had gone through, thanks to Pelago’s collection. Thanks to her letting them take some of the statues. A reward had been offered for any information on the missing parts of the terracotta army.

“She’s right here. We made the sale private. Caprice and I aren’t going anywhere,” Melody said. She stood tall. Caprice let out a growl.

“I think it’s time you leave. Maybe once you’ve calmed down we can talk about it,” Caprice said. It was the same thing their parents always told them. Calm down then they’d talk, but the talk later never happened.

Melody tensed. Kyrie did too. She expected a fight. Instead both her parents actually turned and left. Caprice climbed out of the water once they were up the hill. Pelago climbed out a bit too. Her brother would need a towel once he turned back…

Byssal left, but she saw him appear just over the cliff. Watching. Helping them even now. Even when there was no reason to. Melody spun around in Kyrie’s hand. Waved her arms to bring his face closer. He let out a soft chirp as he did so. Eyes full of concern.

“Kyrie,” she whispered. “Can you kiss me?”

He looked worried for a moment. It didn’t stop him from nodding. He came close, took some of his fingers away. He was so massive, yet she trusted him. He wouldn’t hurt her. Couldn’t hurt her. Lips gently pressed her into the skin of his finger. A tired laugh left her just before he pulled away. This was one of the only places she felt at home, in fingers that were bigger than anyone she’d ever met.

“Are you two ok?” Pelago asked. Melody leaned into Kyrie’s fingers. Caprice made some chirp she hadn’t heard before.

“Probably,” Caprice mumbled. “Eventually.”

“We will be…” Melody smiled up at Kyrie once he pulled away from her. The sting on her hand was gone. “We’re with the family we chose.”

Byssal came back to the beach. A nod to tell them the two were gone. Rhapsody and Dearan had done their best. It was the claim Melody, Aria, and Caprice always shared. That didn’t make the past accepted. All three knew that too. Aria would call in a few days, complaints sent her way. Eventually their parents would reach out again. Angry, but not willing to completely lose their kids.

Either way, they had a family that bled warmth and care; that made it possible to accept who they truly are. That family was more than worth everything that just happened. A family that they would never hide again.

#gt #g/t #giant/tiny #giant tiny #g/t writing #gt writing #gianttiny #gt community #g/t community #oc: melody #oc: kyrie #oc: byssal #oc: caprice #oc: Pelago

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destinyc1020 · 8 months ago

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Hey there.

To the anonymous that brought up Taylor and Zendaya's rabid fans. I absolutely do think they both have talked to their respective partners about moving their lives forward, whether it be marriage or children.

I think people naively believe Tom may be the one pulling strings in that department, but people really need to listen at what Zendaya, especially at this time, is speaking on. I think she may want children even more so than Tom. Dont let that past Sway interview keep you clueless. That's why they call it the past. She was young, just turning 21, she's not anymore, and she's nearing 30. Mindsets are different as the years go by. Hearts change, and so do our thoughts on what we prioritize. You have to realize he had just done an interview where he stated he didn't even want children and then comes just a little bit of time down the road while filming and he had a change of heart, which I'm sure he didn't just have that on his own. Especially if they each feel like they've found the one they would like to have be the parent of your future children.

I always think on Vivica Fox, she literally cried during an interview stating she wish that she had not let life pass her by and had conceived children in her late twenty's early thirties. She stated she was too caught up in trying to get the bag that she literally kept putting it off and then she found herself later in life not being able to conceive at all then realized she was close to menopause. She balled and stated how that is the one thing in life she still regrets to this day. That's sad. Regret is a beast especially when people who don't really know you think they know what's best for you. Regardless, if we've grown up with her or not, famous people's lives are their own.

So, with that all being said, fans need to stay in a fans place. Including me, and just enjoy the ride, and don't dictate what you think or think you know what is better for someone. We don't own anyone. What they choose to do is what they choose. Just enjoy the ride and remain a backseat driver. 😁.

They are here to entertain us, and that is all. I guarantee if she or Taylor decides to have kids with whom they are currently with, you do best to be happy or believe me. They won't be showing the fans anything. Especially about their personal lives. They will be Olsen twinning everyone. We didn't know the one was pregnant until the baby was a month old. 🤣 I ain't hardly mad. 😆

I see the changes...in my mind, and only by observing the written word or video interviews, speaking on Zendaya, she may have removed herself from social media for work purposes, but I believe she/they have given themselves a timeline. She ain't trying to hear nor feel anything negative, like she herself states, " she overthinks. And she wants to please her fans in some manner, or at least hope they will be happy and stand with her on her decisions. Or dare i say try to understand her decisions. Remember... Law and Darnell are also looking to move their lives forward as well.

I smiled at the idea she had for Rue being a surrogate. But, I didn't smile long, I actually felt what a great way to hide a real pregnancy. I could absolutely see that happening. Especially if they put it in as a rape scenario since she owes the money and they sent goons to collect. She wouldn't know who the babies father is, and she decides to keep the baby. You'd hate to see, but that's real shit right there. That can, will, and does happen in real life. I've watched too much THE FIRST 48. THAT SHOW IS A BEAST BY THE WAY. I thought, damn if they did that, wow... talk about a 3rd Emmy. No one would have a clue. And once the season ended... look, who was expecting it for real. It's all farfetched... or is it??? Hmmm...

Anyway, theirs my rant. Love the Sunday confessions, I feel alot better. 😂

TOODLES 👋 👋 👋

YES!!! All of this! VERY well said Anon! I couldn't agree w/you more! Of COURSE Tom and Z have talked marriage and kids, etc. Tom wouldn't be telling the media something that he and his gf haven't spoken about to each other. Let's get freakin' real. So if he's excited about having kids, then obviously Z is too! She definitely wants children some day. I think that's pretty obvious. She's found the love of her life, and so has he. They're BOTH ready imo. Maybe now isn't the best time, but I think fans are naive if they think that they aren't going to be having kids lol...whether it's with each other, or some other partner later on down the line (but I'm guessing it's probably going to be w/each other lol🤭).

Btw...that's so sad about Vivica Fox. I never knew that. 🥺

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autism-autobot · 4 months ago

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Flower of a Poisonous Seed Part 11

Part 10:

Nezha didn't want another incident like the last one to happen again. He hadn't realized just how attached Sun Wukong had gotten to be with him until he learned of the cause of his recent attack of pica cravings.

After ensuring that Wukong was asleep with little to no chance of waking up soon, he got to work.

Nezha had bought a lotus-themed blanket that matched the color scheme of his armor. Remembering Wukong's description of his own scent, he soaked the blanket in a mixture of river water and crushed up lotus plants for several hours while he got to work crafting a doll in his image. While he wasn't the best at crochet, he gave it his all for the sake of his friend.

~~~

SWK: What are you doing?

Nezha: Oh! I hadn't expected you to be up this late!

SWK: At 7 am? Dude, did you even go to bed last night?

Nezha: *checks clock to confirm*

*it is, in fact, 7:13 am*

Nezha: I seem to have lost track of time.

SWK: Obviously.

Nezha: Are you feeling well, my friend? Normally you sleep until I wake you... unless something has happened?

SWK: The thing that happened is that you weren't in bed with me and I got worried.

Nezha: Well, as a matter of fact, I was working on some projects that hopefully will dispell any anxiety about my absence.

SWK: Wait, are you planning on going somewhere?

Nezha: No, no, no, it's for when I attend meetings and such. I hate that you get so worried in my absence, so I made a few things to try to help you when I cannot be in your company.

SWK: I don't try to be anxious. Sorry...

Nezha: You need not apologize for anything. I simply wish to help you through this difficult time.

SWK: What's that you're making?

Nezha: Oh! One of my aforementioned projects! I made a doll for you to hold while I am away. And I have a blanket for you to wrap yourself in currently in progress too.

SWK: Thank you! You didn't have to do all this! I could've managed.

Nezha: I doubt that.

SWK: What?

Nezha: Nothing.

Nezha: Would you like to see the blanket I prepared?

Nezha brought Wukong to the bin in which the blanket was still soaking in. The access water made the blanket much heavier and the colors less vibrant. Wukong loved it all the same. The blanket was set to dry in a rack about a bathtub. Nezha didn't like going to the river to wash clothes, and his washing machine had recently broke. This was his solution for that.

While Nezha and Wukong picked the bits of lotus plants off of the blanket (Nezha with a brush and Wukong by hand) they talked about how each of them did their respective laundry routines.

Sun Wukong lived on a mountain with very few sources of filtered running water, so washing machines were a no-go. He still got the water he used from a faucet about three miles from his house to clean his clothes. Wukong was the only person besides Macaque to be a clothes-wearing resident to Flower Fruit Mountain, so it wasn't a serious issue that needed to be addressed. Hand washing was always a fun task in Wukong's opinion anyway.

Nezha had had an incident down at the river he used to do laundry in as a child so he tried not to wash any laundry publicly. He agreed that hand washing could be fun, but it was often more effort than Nezha wanted to put into chores, so washing machines were a welcome choice.

In seemingly no time flat they had finished with the blanket. It still needed to dry, but there were no longer any plant bits on it.

Sun Wukong transferred back over to a wheelchair and headed over to get an *actual* snack in the kitchen. Nezha followed.

Breakfast was as usual; taking turns being the one to rant about whatever subject while the other shoveled food into their mouth and switching every so often.

It was these moments that they really were happy to be close friends.

Part 12:

Masterpost

#lmk #lmk fanfic #lmk fanfiction #flower of a poisonous seed #legomonkiekid #lego monkie kid #nezha lmk #lmk ne zha #lmk nezha #lmk swk #lmk sunwukong #lmk sun wukong #lmk royalty duo #lmk wukong

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jihyoruri · 2 months ago

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the angst would honestly work so well tho. never asked cause everyone had this happy vibe and i was SO scared of getting jumped.

i can imagine yn becoming aware of how close and comfortable she got with hanni, so she'd just start avoiding her without explanation. poor hanni on the other hand would reach out for the girl during the first days, trying her best to justify her actions, only to get to a point when she just can't do that anymore. hanni would be like a few steps away from depression. staying in her dorm room all day, eating the bare minimum, being too scared to open her socials or to go live, only talking with her friends through the locked door, she would genuinely be a mess. like she felt so good when she was with yn, she would melt all her stress & problems away, maybe they were young but if someone were to ask her she could definitely envision yn in her future. during music shows they would look at each other across the crowded rooms, yn looking at hanni like she just saw her worst nightmare and hanni looking at yn like it's their last day on this planet, both ignoring the people that are talking to them. fans would go crazy and constantly ask why hanni doesn't talk about paranoia anymore or put their songs on live, why her and yn don't get spotted anymore, why they haven't commented on each other's post in a long time, why they haven't interacted in so long in general, and hanni would fight back tears and end her livestreams as soon as the chat would get flooded by these types of questions. maybe i'm too much of a drama queen but i can't help it, i think that at some point hanni's sadness would turn into anger and she'd finally find the will to fight back, she'd try ANYTHING to face yn but the latter just kept avoiding her so hanni showed up in paranoia's dorms. before any of the three members could ask how hanni even knew where their dorms were, she'd ask yn a million questions, only to get always the same answers ("i never liked you", "there's someone else", "it meant nothing to me" all the bullshit like this you hear me?). hanni would grow progressively more impatient, AND HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE she'd slap yn SO GODDAMN HARD, to either hurt her fr or smack some sense into her, or maybe even both (hanni herself wasn't sure on why she did that) before storming out of their dorms. yn would stay still for a couple of minutes that surely felt like hours if not DAYS, not because of the pain, but because WHEN DID HANNI BECOME LIKE THIS)?????)???? but on a side note that would actually make her realize how far she went.

also i think that everyone is aware of yn's personality most of the people just thought about a redemption ark or some shit like that idk 🤔😭

honestly I feel like if hanni was ranting to yn about these things she wouldn’t be like “I never liked you” and stuff you said she would be more like “you knew what you were getting into, I don’t do relationship's.”

imma be so fr if hanni was to slap yn it would literally be an instinct for yn to slap her back ngl LIKE SORRY BUT the way yn wouldn’t hesitate and like she would even shock herself like it was just instinct, like living with boys has really changed her survival instinct and she’s swinging on instinct.

like after hanni leaves and everything the only thing running through yn’s mind is no way she just put her hands on me like let’s actually think about who paranoia!yn is she would def be thinking about that slap more than the reason of the slap like the guys would be like “why did you hit her back?!” and she would be like “because she hit me… really hard it was just instinct IM SORRY.”

honestly I don’t rlly get the redemption arc thing when it comes to paranoia!yn because what redemption does she need? she’s not like wow!yn who can be a complete asshole she’s just someone who’s not comfortable with relationships, you can soften her up but you can’t change who she is yk?

#✮— paranoia

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theconfusedacorn · 7 months ago

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Oh look, more hazbin OC crap!

This is (roughly) Singe's full demon form! Pretty much, girlie gets burt to a crisp, her head practically rips off, and her insides turn to what is essentially lava. (Somehow, her clothes don't burn, though. Why? Idk, they're fireproof, or somethin.)

Anyways, that's all for OC, I've got massive rant about the Radioapple comic below the cut for those who are wondering what's going on with that, but if you don't care, then have a nice day!

First, I hadn't expected it to get that much attention, so I took the "I'll get the next part out in a couple weeks" thing VERY LIGHTLY. After the initial single page prequel thing got so much attention, I posted the comic more as a: haha, wouldn't it be funny if that happened again. I didn't expect many people to care.

Alright, so: 'Tuned In', my Radio apple comic. I posted a SINGLE part (and the prequel thing, but I hadn't planned for a comic when I made that) and haven't mentioned it since. It has been WAY MORE than a week. What the hell is going on?

But, then it happened again.

And now I have 200 followers. (thank you for that by the way! Very cool!)

SECOND, the last few weeks have been BUSY (exams are HARD), so I haven't had much time to actually sit down and work on a big drawing project like that.

That all said, I did start chipping away at the project once I realized people actually seemed to like the comic. Mainly, script writing for future parts, as, once again, I haven't really had the time to work on the COMIC part of the comic, but it's something.

Anyways, exams are over now, and I've started looking for a job, but I've still got a LOT more free time on my hands, so I'm ACTUALLY starting to work on it again.

I can't PROMISE when the next part will be out, I'm trying to get into a schedule, but I'll keep y'all posted while I work on it!

TLDR: Exams kept my last couple weeks busy so I couldn't work on it, but I'm working on the comic again!

Thank you SO MUCH for your patience and for joining me in my little corner of the internet! Thank you again for the 200 followers, cause WOW, that's really cool! Hope y'all have a fine ol' day!

^w^

#art #character art #digital art #hazbin hotel #oc art #oc #digital illustration #artists on tumblr #digital sketch #hazbin oc #concept art

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baby-xemnas · 6 months ago

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On the topic of Chopper in a relationship:

Carrot is only two years younger than him, so maybe they can have a kouhai/senpai dynamic, but do you think Chopper would like rabbit minks? Oda said he’s only really interested in other reindeer, since he’s one himself, but let’s say he also likes other mink animals.

Mink dating is probably really complicated, because with so many different kinds of animals, many are going to have specific preferences. Like a dog mink who’s not attracted to humans but thinks fox minks are super hot.

Speaking of which, does Bepo find other minks hot? Or is he exclusively humansexual?

Yeah i think that Chopper would be kinda like Bepo at first in terms of assuming he can only go for same species animal (compulsive speciism) and they are too unhorny to consider alternatives lol

Abt Carrot im noooot gonna lie to you i dont really know her personality because i was mad that she had 3000000% more screen time and emotional than the miniscule crumbs Bepo got (see my rants about us never seeing Bepo find out Zepo is dead/not fighting anywhere in Wano/onigashima) so i dont actually know her so im going off of assumptions here:

wouldnt she undermine him despite him being older and lowkey genius (doctor!!) so theres potential for him to be upset-turn-angry cuz he would be interested in making a mink friend but she is oblivious and keeps accidentally acting rude to him....thats all that comes to mind im sorry if its inaccurate/too negative

(tbf past TS choppers personality also got removed idk what he is besides Cute and scared at this point)

As for Bepo's sexuality i think that just like in canon he wants to meet a female bear but if he did it would be underwhelming beyond physical reaction..cuz i think he would have a very Natural Adult Male tm reaction from Finally meeting one - he would go a little crazy and if she is willing she can take charge and snatch the cutie for the night...but then a moment comes where Bepo realizes the void that this stranger is and it doesnt feel like "wow thats a person with a personality and her own rich life" no he hates not knowing her it feels too unsafe and he has no desire to change it - logically he doesnt have time - i think it would shock him that he is even in bed with her with how much he longs to return to status quo (being captain's little girl)

he is not humansexual per say - he doesnt care about humans at large - its just law have been the center of his universe his whole conscious life (and he fucks him so good it scrambles Bepo's brains)

thats how in my head Bepo's foray into other people would go

#anonymous

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 1 year ago

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2022 MOVIE OF THE WEEK #33

disenchanted. i......have been avoiding this review since literally months ago because just thinking about reviewing this movie makes me sad and tired. if you loved this movie, which i think some people must have because i’ve seen the occasional gifs from it on my dash, feel free to skip this. it’ll go behind a cut, because i suspect it’s gonna get long.

(spoiler alert: it got ridiculously long. how did i have five thousand words to say about this? and if anyone besides leander reads this i’ll be shocked but that’s fine cuz they were the one encouraging me to make it through this rant and if they hadn’t i definitely would have given up even trying a long time ago.)

and it is pretty much universally negative, because i could not have been more looking forward to this sequel featuring literally my favorite disney (noncanon but still mine) princess and it not only let me down (as sequels tbh do a lot so that’s not even surprising) but it sincerely broke my heart.

in a ‘wow i’m being really overdramatic about a disney movie’ sort of way, but it’ll make more sense after i explain it, i promise. you had to be there, i think, to care as much as i do, and only @actuallylukedanes was, so it was also pretty convenient that i ended up watching this with them when they were gonna watch it with their partner and invited me to join. cuz they felt the same way i did about the sequel, which is how i knew i was not overreacting.

it was also leander who advised me to start posting completed reviews of other 2022 movies since i was stuck on this one, even though i never posted them out of order before. (i ended up realizing in january that i totally forgot a movie from 2022, so it’s good i wasn’t as obsessed with perfect chronology anyway.)

the first warning sign i had with this movie was honestly its release. they had been talking about an enchanted sequel for so long that i had stopped hoping for one, and then when it was really happening they wouldn’t even put it in theaters!! i was so pissed off about that, because enchanted felt like a magical (pun intended) experience for me in 2007.

it came out exactly on my birthday, when i turned 23, and @actuallylukedanes and i saw it in the theater to celebrate. we lived in utah then, and were happy rather than homeless, and we paid for the movie using a card that had a ‘reward’ system like a lottery where they told you they would at some random time choose a single purchase you made, and reimburse you for it. out of everything we paid for with that card, it was the tickets to enchanted that they made free.

and i couldn’t have been more excited to see enchanted back then, because it was a real live musical, and those have always been rarer than i wish they were, and the cast was ridiculously great. long before amy adams was making bigger movies, she had played tara’s cousin on buffy and a memorable one-episode character on charmed, and i had just always loved her an unreasonable amount like i had been waiting for her to be a movie star. plus i had discovered wicked in college and dove deep into other idina menzel musicals as well as every one of her solo albums (and singles that weren’t sold anywhere, which i downloaded illegally because that is called devotion) and was just generally obsessed with her for years.

and then there was patrick dempsey, reliable dreamy star of grey’s anatomy (which i gave up on quickly but he was good in) and james marsden of the x-men trilogy i had watched a zillion times. (his character was not one i liked in that, but he was great as a comedic part of this.) i had grown up with susan sarandon and wasn’t used to her as a villain but she brought just the right level of Too Much, and her henchman was perfectly cast. they somehow managed to even make the child in the story not annoying, which can be really rare, especially when she has an actual role--but she’s great.

the mix of animation and live-action was really fun, and when giselle’s dress goes from cartoon to sparkly 3d it was so swoony. truly like a disney fantasy sort of moment, they brought so much to life. and they did so even where it shouldn’t have worked! the basic plot of ‘two couples aren’t meant to be so they switch partners amongst themselves and then it’s perfect’ is not one i like in other movies, but here i’m just like, yeah absolutely, dance with patrick dempsey in your pretty dress, and let idina menzel go live in a fairy tale.

but in addition to all of that, and the catchy, catchy music, what i really, truly loved about enchanted, and why it was one of my all time favorite movies to put on that i never got sick of (along with mamma mia and a few others, i really like musicals okay), is how much it turned out that i identified with giselle. how much she not only made sense to me, even as she was supposed to be this wide-eyed disney princess, but how she gave me language for things i was still figuring out, and i got so attached to that.

i was 23 years old. i had left home less than two years earlier, and i didn’t know i was autistic yet, let alone bipolar/anxious/adhd/disordered eating all knotted together. i hadn’t begun thinking about what it meant to be ‘developmentally disabled,’ and how unprepared that made me for adulthood, independence or being in a relationship. I had just leaped into all those things, and i wasn’t necessarily all that good at any of them.

but there was giselle, singing her way through a world she didn’t understand how to navigate either, and it was okay because there was somebody who loved her for her exact weird self and a child who needed her. (substitute cats for child and you see where i’m coming from.) she was relentlessly optimistic but also cursed by forces outside her control, and she was full of creativity.

my absolute favorite moment that giselle has in the whole movie, when it comes to why it was important to me, is when she experiences anger. at first she can’t even name it, and then there’s a kind of joy she finds in it, in having a new feeling...in having the FREEDOM to feel that difficult feeling, and not need things to be perfect all the time. until i saw that scene, i had never realized that my childhood had trained me to not be angry--before i was even conscious that had happened. and once i saw that scene, i started to wonder if maybe anger was something i was allowed to feel, after all.

i think if you’re not me, or you didn’t know me at 21 (a fragile adorable unstable bby desperate to be rescued from my life), it might be hard to understand that, how i didn’t just love giselle for being giselle, but loved her for being the most me a character played by amy adams could be.

up until i fell in love, and was loved in return (my only real wish thanks to moulin rouge), i collected tv and movie characters, made little lists of them, and they were always the ones i wanted to be like, ones i wanted to grow into. usually the snarky best friends, the deadpan wits, the ones who pined but never got the guy. (bby me didn’t think anything but ‘guy’ was an option.) i didn’t spend time claiming characters that were like me, that made me feel seen, until i was older. (i couldn’t, when i didn’t know who ‘me’ was.) so giselle felt like one of the first ones, with her autistic literalism and trust in humanity and her joy in everything.

then flash forward fifteen years and they’re continuing the story. even more amazingly, they’ve brought back the whole central cast (minus the child actor, who i assumed they replaced because New Morgan sings and dances, but i didn’t look it up or anything). idina is much more famous now thanks to her frozen work and of course amy adams is amy freaking adams now, nominated but never oscared, but they both came back. the direct-to-streaming release worried me, but i saw a trailer and the movie looked way better than i kind of expected, so i was excited after all. and as mentioned above, i settled in to watch it with my family.

^^^^and that is where this review left off, almost a year ago--because it was still so hard for me to wrap my brain and my heart around writing it. but at this point i’ve reviewed all the other movies i watched in 2022, AND i’ve watched almost 20 movies this year and reviewed most of them, and those reviews are just sitting in my drafts waiting for me to post them once i finish this. so here goes:

this movie was bad. obviously that’s a personal opinion or value judgement or whatever, but like...it was really, really bad. it bore no resemblance to the original and painfully reminded me how disney’s moviemaking these days is so soulless when it comes to trying to squeeze more money out of its existing IP. and i can handle fairy tale/princess modernizations that aren’t all that impressive (idina was in one of those as well, cinderella), but even those had parts that i liked or that were fun once i was grading on a curve for the whole movie. i can’t say the same for this one.

first of all, we’ve skipped time since the original, which makes sense, since everybody’s older. but nothing about the time progression makes sense, because offscreen fifteen years have passed, making amy adams 48 when this movie came out. giselle and robert have just had a newborn whose royal inheritance is what leads to the movie’s plot--at best, i guess we can assume amy was supposed to be playing giselle a lot younger than she, the actress, was. or maybe her andalasian genes make her immune to fertility averages?

either way, though, that still doesn’t explain morgan. who in addition to becoming literally a different person (and i hope they only replaced her because the original actress opted out, because she was so great in the first movie i’d resent disney for dumping her just to make the new one sing and dance, or whatever other justifications they might have) is a teenager now. Original Morgan was nine years old in enchanted, or the actress was, anyway. if we assume they meant for Original Morgan to be only seven or eight as a character, that still doesn’t explain a now-high-schooler morgan in this movie. it has been literally twice as many years in real time as it would have to have been in this movie world for morgan to be this age! and unfortunately for the movie, it’s mainly about adults, who have aged the fifteen years you would expect. so that’s ridiculous.

but anyway. somehow, all the adults from enchanted look fifteen years older but morgan’s a teen, and her parents have had a shiny new baby. idina’s character moved with prince james marsden to his world, and literally everyone is depressed now except prince james marsden (and presumably the baby). giselle sees a billboard and decides that’s a plausible reason to uproot her whole family from the city she fell in love with and that the others were from even before meeting her...to move to the suburbs.

at first, because of the impression i got from the trailer, i thought she would be moving to a perfect-seeming little enclave that was secretly evil, like a magical stepford or something, and that it would turn her evil and throw her family into peril. but the real plot is not that creative. it’s literally just the three of them moving to an ordinary suburb that (gasp!) doesn’t automatically fix their lives. instead, robert has a slog of a commute now, and in their own ways, giselle and morgan both struggle to fit in with their new local peers.

everything establishing this movie’s setup baffled me because it felt so random and flimsy, when the original was a beautiful sendup of classic disney tropes that managed to be subversive but still magical. i referred earlier to giselle deciding on a plausible reason, and i felt the same way about disney and this sequel: it felt like they decided this concept was a plausible reason to bring the cast back together, mix in a few new actors, and try to make money off the result (in this case by locking it inside their streaming service as though that would force new subscribers to disney+ instead of what i’m guessing actually happened, having less viewers for the movie than they would’ve gotten in theaters--cuz even i, the biggest fan of the original, wouldn’t have subscribed just to watch it).

but their ‘plausible’ setup is therefore that everybody’s feeling a bit meh in new york city. robert’s not excited about his job, morgan’s a sullen teenager, and giselle misses the days when everything felt magical and new and perfect. instead of recognizing that they have a freaking newborn, which i may not have experienced personally but have certainly heard is a difficult phase of life (especially the first time, for giselle), and that they simultaneously have a teenager, which anybody who’s ever been or met a teenager can tell you is a difficult phase of life for both the teen and their parents--heck, instead of just going to THERAPY when new york city is one of the few places it may still be easier to find access than everywhere else these days--they move to a random place where they know no one for truly no reason.

the movie wants us to believe that the reason is giselle seeing a billboard and believing its promise (or still being unusually literal?) but neither of those makes any sense because even if we had reason to believe that giselle hadn’t learned anything or grown in the last mysterious number of years and would truly treat a billboard like a promise rather than an advertisement (and i don’t think what we see of her in the sequel supports that idea) it’s still robert she’s married to now, and we know he’s always been someone who lovingly but firmly points that stuff out.

morgan’s unhappy because she’s a teenager, she doesn’t actually want to move, and as much as robert loves giselle, i don’t believe at all that he would just let her have her fantasy of a fresh start without injecting reality into the situation--so i think the real explanation is that both robert and giselle, for their own reasons, are desperate enough to try it despite knowing it won’t be a magic fix. but then idina menzel and prince james marsden (i should remember their character names but i really don’t at the moment) pop into their new, still-unhappy-just-in-a-different-time-zone, lives and make everything even worse. way to go guys!

continuing the flimsy plot setups, they’re visiting to give a gift to the new baby, to basically proclaim how special she is and make morgan feel like she’s neither special nor giselle’s ‘real’ daughter. giselle is thrilled by the gift from her childhood home and her former prince remains as hilarious as ever (the acting in this movie is good, they’re just not given as much to work with; ‘campy humor’ was the only element they could successfully recreate for some reason). but nancy is clearly already Over It, the former new yorker not exactly as enchanted with prince james marsden as she used to be now that she has to live with his personality 24/7.

you might expect this to be woven in with the central family’s ennui in some way, but you would be disappointed--that general intermittent eyerolly energy is never directly addressed and as far as we know by the end of the movie, she’s still with him. and i guess will remain so forever? because that’s the rule when you choose a fairy tale life?? even though giselle’s story was entirely about leaving fairy tales behind when they weren’t what she wanted???

maybe we’re supposed to read nancy’s reactions as like, lovable occasional annoyance at How Very Much her guy can be sometimes. but it didn’t come across that way to me; it seemed intentionally to mirror the dissatisfaction giselle and robert were struggling with. i could have been giving them too much credit there, i guess, in assuming deliberate parallels.

but the real point is that the adults were unhappy in the city, and now, in the suburbs, they’re still not very happy. after the gift-givers go back to andalasia, giselle makes a wish using her baby’s magic present, wanting to make their family into a fairy tale...and she gets her wish. morgan goes from a strugglng teen to a cheerful girl again, running around singing and eventually having to be the savior of her family. robert goes from a commuting lawyer to a wannabe monster slayer, and giselle slowly transforms into an evil stepmother--while the women in town who’ve been snubbing her turn into an actual villain with henchwomen in tow.

from then on, it only gets more ridiculous. amy adams is an immensely talented actor, and like i said, i’ve loved her since she was on tv. but she is not doing her best work here, switching between normal giselle and evil stepmother giselle in response to a chiming clock in a way that reminded me of one of those over-the-top acts where a guy hypnotizes people and then can trigger them to be a chicken or something. it was just so over the top, and lacked any of the emotional depth the original movie brought to her character that made me care.

and poor robert, it was clear, they did not know what to do with. a convoluted exchange with prince james marsden before the wish created circumstances where he was carrying a sword around on his commute. that, i’m sure, was supposed to help make it seem like it made sense for him to become a giant fighter or whatever. but really, they had a sequel to make in which he had to be there because he was her happily ever after in the first one, except now robert isn’t a love interest anymore, there’s no drama between them--and the actor was never meant to be a major contributor to the musical part of these movies, so what’s the point of his story? to run around looking for monsters, totally separate, and mostly unnecessary, it turns out.

the fairy tale transformations mean that we go from watching giselle being sad and hurt in response to morgan’s attitude to morgan’s being mistreated by her now-evil stepmother--neither of which is fun. in giselle’s intermittent ‘good’ moments, she tries to encourage morgan to be free of her and get help, and eventually morgan does end up in andalasia with nancy (she’s also a cartoon at that point, i think). nancy helps her understand what might fix things, and the fact that it’s up to their teenage daughter (whose complaints the whole time have honestly seemed the most reasonable to me compared to her parents’ vague ennui) to save not just her own family but both worlds from doom...it doesn’t seem at all fair. but okay.

the solution for making giselle good again involves morgan’s memories and singing and the idea that with the power of love it’ll all be fine, but what i remember most about it is that the scene is really just a vehicle for idina menzel to get her own song. which, duh--i was very disappointed that she didn’t sing in the original, and given the success of frozen, it would’ve been crazy for them not to showcase her more this time.

but the song she’s given? it’s so bad. so very bad. the others i was watching this movie with spent a significant portion of the song time mocking it, and i couldn’t blame them. at a certain point, it just devolves into idina belting the words ‘love power’ over and over and over. you know how some words or phrases become completely meaningless if you say them too much? this definitely felt like that, like the big drama’s ‘solution’ was flimsy to begin with, and then they forced a song into it that wasn’t even a good song, and got idina to sing it. she’s so much better than that! it genuinely made me wonder if she has some kind of disney contract that left her stuck dealing with this.

somehow thanks to morgan, though, giselle does stop being evil by the end--i don’t remember exactly how that scene plays out so i doubt it matters too much--and ending the sort of wish curse she inflicted on everybody means they go back to living in a normal suburb. the woman who briefly became her villain nemesis apologizes in a ‘sometimes i’m a lot oops’ way, and giselle is just like ‘hey, me too, no big deal.’

and this brings me to my two biggest problems with the movie, outside of how much it felt like it was trying to destroy any love i still held for the original.

this movie has no real villain. unlike the first one, where susan sarandon was camping it up in a delightfully appropriate way, and was defeated in the end...this movie falls into the same hole that so many New Disney Movies are determined to, for unknown reasons. we can’t have classic straight-up evil anymore; our heroes have to instead be facing antagonists that are less specific or even less corporeal. it’s family! who of course will no longer be in conflict by the end, and don’t actually need to be ‘defeated.’ or it’s emotions! and once they can be accepted rather than avoided then things will be okay again.

i’m not saying that’s a bad thing, in general. i love encanto, and i thought turning red and inside out were great. but when you’re dealing with a now-franchise whose original style was to reference and gently mock and lovingly rework classic disney tropes...why would you toss that out completely and make a sequel that feels like the other movies disney makes now? why can’t people appreciate that beloved movies are beloved for a reason and you can’t just slap the ‘brand name’ on whatever you want and act like it’s just as good?

but yeah. this movie decided to have no villain by way of having two villains, both of whom were only temporarily villainous due to indirect magic and who became normal again once it stopped. they bear no real responsibility for being villains, because after all, they aren’t really. post-movie, it seems like they may even become friends! all’s well that ends well.

which really annoyed me, lol, because it felt so incredibly pointless once i knew that was how it ended. our main character accidentally makes herself evil, makes somebody else evil, has to be saved from being evil while fighting the other evil, and the grand conclusion is that they just finish back where they started? how is that a story that moves forward, let alone a good story with some kind of point or even just a good-versus-evil win, fairy tale style?

it’s like the main conflict of the movie is created by them having problems, but then the problems they were having...are solved because they’re no longer in conflict. which brings me to my second issue with the movie’s ending: apparently the ultimate lesson of this follow up to enchanted is that growing up means learning to settle, rather than believing in happily ever afters.

despite the cheerful singing at the end of the movie that tries to make us believe it’s just as great an ending as enchanted got, i was so underwhelmed and disappointed and tbh freaked out, that they reached that conclusion. the story we were given was giselle and robert and morgan are a family now just like they wanted but they’re all unhappy, so they move out of the city to seek happiness elsewhere. and it fixes nothing which instead spirals giselle into cursing the town but in the end everybody’s okay and there are no consequences and nobody’s mad at giselle cuz she didn’t mean to do it...so she and robert and morgan commit to trying even harder to be happy in their new suburban life.

and all i can wonder is, why is that the lesson? why is that the right place to end up? why couldn’t they go back to the city and figure out their problems there, since clearly suburbia wasn’t a fix on its own? there didn’t seem to be a real reason for requiring giselle, who loved the sparkly harsh city she landed in years ago, to become a suburban mom--or for uprooting morgan, or making robert become a ‘small town practice’ kind of guy.

i guess what grates on me about it is that it has such a hallmark christmas movie vibe of just assuming their real happy ending would naturally be escaping the city, no matter how central it was to their original story and lives. whatever their deeper issues were that made them unhappy in the city, they haven’t addressed those by the end of the movie; they’ve just somewhat improved the issues that moving TO this new place piled on.

therefore my logical brain goes, you were unhappy and tried to fix it by moving but that only made things worse. why wouldn’t you reverse the making-it-worse part by going back, and then continue trying to figure out how to fix it? i just don’t get it. and i may be kind of offended by it, because the giselle who i have always adored is a completely different person in this movie, and not because of some wish curse.

she’s older, and sad, and it’s like nothing about her life is fun anymore...and maybe there could’ve been a way to craft an interesting story out of that, though i don’t know what it would be off the top of my head. but we don’t get whatever that could’ve been. and we don’t get a sequel about our faves from enchanted having more hijinks and having a to fight a new tropey villain, in the style of the first one. what we get is a story about everybody from the first one not liking their lives and having to fight the fallout from that and then concluding that hey, at least the world didn’t end so they must be better off than they thought, time to make the best of it. it deeply depressed me.

and look--i’m not saying i demand happy endings always. i don’t even require happy endings mostly! but unless there is some requirement i’m not aware of that post-pandemic we are no longer allowed happy endings at all, this was not the movie world to bring back just to say ‘the best you can hope for is meh. good luck.’ giselle and everybody else deserved better.

i will say that there was one thing about this movie that i liked. exactly one thing, sadly, or at least only one i clearly remember. i was really excited about the casting before this came out, because i love jayma mays, and maya rudolph is reliably good always. once i actually saw the movie, i was bummed that jayma mays and the other henchwoman didn’t have roles worth including, but maya rudolph was as good as i expected.

and since this movie was such a mess, she also just really stood out. she’s a ‘can do it all’ kind of performer, in a way that makes it look easy, and i feel like that’s the difference between amy adam’s background in a lot of dramatic roles and maya rudolph’s background in snl. they’re both super talented and both have range, but are a good fit for different things because of that.

so there is one song in this movie and one performance (cuz it’s the performance of it that makes it good) that i genuinely enjoyed. it’s basically a face off between the two not-actually-villains, kind of like ‘anything you can do i can do better’ but sillier and maximum camp. it’s the only part where it felt like that was what the movie was deliberately aiming for, and both actresses are fully going for it while sometimes we’re watching them parallel on splitscreen...it was ridiculous but in an entertaining rather than cringe-inducing way.

so that part is great, but also highlights even more what this movie could have been. if only they had let maya rudolph be a proper villain, the leader of a trio of new antagonists for our faves to face, that would’ve been potentially a great movie. she could have gone evil after getting her hands on the baby’s wand, then gone down fighting after the family consulted with their andalasian friends on how to deal with magically corrupted humans. the ending could have been more interesting with bigger stakes than ‘everyone survives and decides to play nice.’

heck, i could write that version of that movie! lol. but i won’t. because it would probably necessitate rewatching disenchanted and that is something i never ever want to do. that was a piece of my heart you fucked with, you jerks. and i’m gonna stay mad.

#disenchanted #rant #amy adams #idina menzel #patrick dempsey #james marsden #susan sarandon #actuallylukedanes #actually autistic #autistic #jayma mays #maya rudolph #negativity #enchanted #2022 motw #my formative years

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rayshippouuchiha · 2 years ago

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You ever start reading a fic and halfway through realize the tags were incredibly misleading? Bc I was just reading an MCU fic tagged "Team Please-for-the-love-of-god-talk-to-each-other" or something similar, and I was like "oh so this is a middle-ground kinda fic. Usually I prefer straight-up Team Tony fics, but I can deal with this😊". So I happily started reading, but then it turned out that in the fic Tony "hadn't read" the Accords before the airport battle, and they had sneaked in clauses that dictated life imprisonment in the Raft for anyone who fit the superhero criteria and didn't sign them, locator cuffs for anyone who did sign them, and even experimentation on the mutants/superhumans???? People were blaming Tony for the whole ordeal left right and center, even Tony himself, and if they weren't blaming him they were insinuating he had to set aside his "pride" and apologize to Team Cap in order to "fix things". Then Tony had to practically beg Steve to forgive him for "not listening" in Siberia in order to get his help to rescue Peter, who was taken to the Raft and had also joined Team Cap's POV about the Accords. And in the middle of all that, as if that wasn't enough, someone actually tells Tony to get over the murder of his parents bc "thousands of others also have dead parents, big deal"??? That fic was blatantly anti-Tony and pro-Team Cap, to the point that I had to stop reading less than halfway through.

Like, I don't begrudge anyone who likes Team Cap fics, to each their own, but what part of that sounded like Team "They're All Equally At Fault"????? That was one of the most decidedly pro-Team Cap fics I've ever seen in my life. I'm BEGGING people to please for the love of god TAG TEAM CAP FICS AS SUCH, IT'S SUCH A BIG SQUICK FOR ME I HAD ACTUAL SHUDDERS I HATED IT NO NO NO STOP I CAN'T TAKE IT IT FELT LIKE VICTIM BLAMING IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME

Sorry for the rant but I just- it hit me so hard, it made me feel awful for some reason, I had to tell someone who might understand

Oh oh wow yeah I fuckin hate when shit like that happens because at a certain point you're kind of like "not trying to be a bitch about it but I do feel like this mistagging was done at least semi on purpose??" and then you feel kind of paranoid and stupid about thinking it's that deep but you just can't help it???

But yeah I've run up on mistagged stuff like that before too and I hate it even if I understand how it can happen.

#RayRambles #MCU

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vampire-sugar · 10 months ago

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Again, this blog is going to be about my experience reading QOTD, but wanted to just list out some of my thoughts on the first couple books! (No real analysis just writing how I felt about them). My previous post was about IWTV, and now here are some of my thoughts on The Vampire Lestat!!

Spoilers ahead. (Tw: mentions of incest and grooming)

The Vampire Lestat (1985)

Big change of tone, lol. I enjoyed Lestat's narration, even if it was a bit ridiculous at first and so different from IWTV. But he's funny! Like when he talks about how much he likes the 80s:

LOL.

And of course it was rock music that rose him from his slumber. So camp.

I really enjoyed getting some Lestat lore, and vampire lore in general. Loved getting to see mortal Lestat. His relationship with his mother is definitely something. Gabrielle is described as someone who doesn’t talk just to talk, and everything she says is definitely interesting. I like how she so succinctly describes Lestat's personality/character:

"You're such a fighter, my son. You never accept."

And then when she tells Lestat "You are the man in me." Wow. Feel like that describes exactly what her relationship to Lestat is as well as her relationship with gender etc, idk. Just liked that line. And then of course the relationship later becomes romantic, although it did feel like it was building up to it as opposed to like the horrific realization that I got in IWTV of Louis and Claudia. This one I saw coming but it was just very tragic.

Everything about Nicki was devastating he really was going through it. The lines where Lestat is describing him/their moments together were very romantic though. When Lestat tells him "(...) light and beauty come together in you in a thousand different patterns." And later, after Lestat is turned, "You are light itself, and what am I now? Eternal as I am, I curl like a cinder in that blaze." So cheesy I know but it really got me.

Ugh, when they are having "their conversation", and Lestat is going on about how what they do (acting, playing violin) feels good and makes others feel good, so it must be good, and Nicki responds with "Lestat, sin always feels good.” Shoot me now. Anyway, RIP Nicki you will be missed.

We got some Armand lore! I finally understand the Armand/Lestat beef that is always mentioned online lol. And also, fuck Marius, seriously. Like from the bottom of my heart. I feel like we’re supposed to read Marius’s actions as having saved Armand, when really he could have busted him out of the cell he was in and killed his enslavers and have just been his mentor. Instead, Marius paid the slavers money to buy Armand and then groomed him. Not only is he horrible, he is also very boring which is actually the worst thing you could be as a fictional character. Like the second I got to Marius's Story I checked how much I had left of his lore and I gasped at how much there still was like why was he talking for so long? Also of course you get some of Anne's racist rhetoric seeping through via Marius. It’s stuff like this that makes it so hard to read or take seriously when the immortals start philosophizing about good and evil like you just went on a rant about how people in the East are actually bottom of the barrel evil while the Westerners were more civilized or whatever idk man. Again have no clue why Marius spoke for as long as he did.

Cute vampire reunion in the end. Got treated to a vampire concert which was nice although I feel like Lestat could have gotten a little more creative with the lyrics lol. Overall I enjoyed it, I think Lestat is a fun narrator and loved all the lore and character backstories.

These were some of my unorganized thoughts of TVL, my next post will be about QOTD! I’m almost done reading the first part and from then on will probably post chapter by chapter. Feel free to follow if you wanna read along with me!

Bonus quote:

ijbol

#the vampire lestat #interview with the vampire #iwtv #vampire chronicles #queen of the damned

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dany36 · 1 year ago

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full totk onion below for my own sanity. super long-ass rant ahead (11k words lmaoooo wow) and also contains spoilers.

so i beat the final boss of tears of the kingdom a while back. took me (according to my switch) “over 100 hours” to beat the game. i did about 110ish shrines, and got like 50 or so korok seeds. did quite a lot of sidequests as well. i was actually surprised how long i played it for considering how much fun i was not having playing it. but of course i wanted to uncover the whole overworld map (excluding the depths) and unlock as many shrines as possible to be able to say that hey, i explored quite a lot and gave this game a fair chance to impress me. which, unfortunately, it did not. if i had to rank all of the zelda games i’ve beaten (which i’ve done all except triforce heroes), i’d put botw in absolute last place, with totk slightly right above it.

before writing this, i re-read through this fantastic botw critical piece on destructoid by Cory Arnold ("Breaking down why Breath of the Wild is highly overrated") that literally hits on all the points on why i hate botw cus i wanted to see if maybe totk had improved on any of those criticisms. the criticisms that the author lists were similar (but much more eloquent) than the hasty list i had made when i first completed the game way back then. i was sad to re-read through it and realize that no, pretty much all of the major criticisms i had in botw were still present since totk is literally an exact copy of botw which some new stuff sprinkled on it, then they called it a brand new game. “but the depths!! the sky!! the new ultrahand mechanic!!” yeah that shit wasn’t fun for me at all (maybe the Ascend ability but more on that later). i literally couldn’t believe that this game cost 70 dollars when there were absolutely no enhancements in terms of the overworld and enemies and was seething through the first 4 hours of the game (or however long it took me to get through the tutorial portion of it). to quote that botw article i mentioned above:

If Breath of the Wild is your personal favorite game or favorite Zelda game, I’m not speaking to you. It’s the people foaming at the mouth at how it’s objectively better than other games, objectively better than other Zelda games, did open world better than other games, and want to enshrine it that I am addressing. This game is far too flawed to be getting this level of praise.

but i’m getting a bit ahead of myself. let’s start with the things i DID like and then i will write a lithany of all the things i hated about this game and why, despite having played it for 100+ hours, i had fun for maybe 10 hours of it.

the good

the ending.

one of the things i absolutely hated about botw was how short and unsatisfying the ending was. zelda wakes up and asks link if he remembers her and links says nothing, which then cuts to zelda and link talking together about…i think all they have to do to restore hyrule. i honestly forget because it sucked so bad that i had no interest in looking it up again. zelda turning human again with rauru’s and sonia’s help, and you having to catch her as she’s falling (a throwback to when you couldn’t catch her at the beginning of the game) were things that made it already looking better than botw’s stale-ass ending. zelda’s “link, i’m home!” was really sweet even if we once again get no emotion from link even though he knows the incredibly weighted decision zelda had made when she decided to turn into a dragon to restore the master sword. but whatever, more on that later.

i’m NOT saying totk’s ending is perfect, in fact i’ve seen some legit criticisms of it that i agree with, but in my opinion it wasn’t TERRIBLE like with how i felt with botw’s (and trust me i take every opportunity i get to bash on botw/totk). seeing link, zelda, and the four sages together at the end as they swear to protect hyrule and its princess was really cool and actually made it look like they were all in it together as friends/companions, in contrast to botw where we get no reference of the new champions in the ending at all. while this ending was better than totk, it’s still not like…at a level of it making my heart ache of joy/satisfcation/sadness (if you know me even the slightest i get very emotional with videogames and i will cry at literally anything lol) like in tww when hyrule floods, or SS with granny and fi leaving, or tp with midna and the mirror. which damn now that i think about it, it looks like zelda has a lot of bittersweet endings, so i will give totk +1 point in that there are no bittersweet moments at the end. i especially liked that they cleared up that no, zelda wasn’t aware or fully conscious about her hundreds of years roaming the skies as a dragon, because even the thought of her being aware of her time as a dragon was making me go insane. like, you mean that in botw she was trapped in the castle for 100 years keeping calamity ganon at bay and NOW she had to spend another 1000 years or whatever as a dragon? hell no. so thank you totk ending for making that clear that she doesn’t remember that at all and that it actually felt like she was asleep like with SS Zelda. :)

which brings me to the next thing that i liked, which is...

princess zelda overall.

i think it should come to no one’s surprise that her decision to turn into a dragon really elevated this zelda’s status to just completely fucking badass. like, damn, i say that’s my baby and i’m proud. the incredible amount of courage that zelda had to have to make that decision is just something that i don’t think we’ve seen other zeldas make. i guess there’s TP Zelda giving up her life to save Midna but, is that a worse fate than be unconsciously roaming the skies as a dragon for hundreds of years not knowing when you’ll come back? and SS Zelda knew that link would come back to wake her up from her slumber, so…. i mean, the scene of the last tears of the dragon memory was just so impactful, and it was probably the only scene in the game that really punched me in the emotional gut. the whole dragon transformation scene was just so heartbreaking to watch and when you see those tears come out of the dragon’s eyes and realize that’s where those memories come from that you’re watching….i’m telling you it made me almost catatonic. like. what the FUCK. probably one of the best cutscenes in zelda history, if I’m being honest. when the memory ends and it leaves you in that field of silent princesses i just needed a moment to breathe. i didn’t even wanna move (both in-game and irl lol). what a beautiful sequence. it’s something i don’t think any other zelda game has made me feel. sure i cried like a fucking baby when granny “dies” in SS or when Fi says goodbye (and i swear i always cry at the beginning of tww when link says goodbye to his grandma oh god), but with the dragon scene it just left me fucking speechless. A+++ work.

now, do i HATE that zelda is once fucking again stuck somewhere else in the middle of the story waiting for us to rescue her instead of being a more active, nuanced character like in ST, TWW, or OoT? absolutely yes. can nintendo fucking do something new and interesting with zelda like (dare i say!!) HW did and give her some personality instead of just being a damsel in distress yet fucking again?? but plenty of people have already ranted about that so i will just leave this to say botw/totk zelda has gone through enough shit and deserves to rest and be happy without going into other things about her character that other people have already talked about in greater detail than i ever could. :)

yunobo and riju.

yunobo was absolutely one of my favorite characters in botw, and so it’s no surprise that he’s a fave here too. his attack was super useful when exploring those boring-ass caves where i had to clear mountains and mountains of rocks without having to use my limited supply of bomb flowers or wacking away with a boulder sword. also one-shot killing those annoying-ass ice lizalfos with his attack will always be funny. the thought of a goron leader having such a child-like voice and huggable face just makes him such an interesting and fun character to me. as for riju, although i didn’t really care for her in botw, there was something about her in this game that just made her really grow on me. some of it definitely has to do with her new design which i thought was fantastic (minus the heels in the fucking desert), but also her attack is just so badass and useful. also helps that the portion where you have to defend gerudo town from the gibdos reminded me a lot of hyrule warriors, aka one of my favorite games ever (unironically!!). so yeah, yunobo and riju really were the oasis in the desert of uninteresting NPCs in this game!

dragon head island.

out of all the boring-ass sky islands in this game, dragon head island was such a welcomed surprise. from the mysterious thunder clouds surrounding it, to the eeringly relaxing music that plays, it was a breath of fresh air. all of the sky islands in this game look almost identical and yet it was really nice to get something different with music that made me go, hey, this is actually great to listen to and will have to add it to my list of zelda music!

the path to the wind temple.

the rito village was the first village i headed to and i was really hopeful for this game when i had to climb up to the wind temple alongside tulin. that portion where you have to jump from one trampoline to another was fun as hell. i was like wow, this definitely feels new and refreshing. i’m also pretty sure that the music was changing as you’d get higher? either way, this part really felt like something from a zelda game and was just overall a blast to get through.

the wind and lightning temple bosses.

again, because the wind temple was the first temple i did, was REALLY impressed with how fun the colgera boss was. sky diving and using tulin’s ability to dodge the boss’s attacks was just so intense and exciting! ALSO the music that played during it was a remix of the dragon roost island theme from tww, which was so fitting and badass. and speaking of badass, the lightning temple boss was, although super disgusting, so cool as well!! i already talked about how fun riju’s attack is, so the part where all the gibdo hives come alive and start surrounding you was just soooo intense. like damn, i can’t remember any of the botw bosses being so damn fun. if i could re-do those two portions of the game, i definitely would.

the final ganondorf fights.

and speaking of boss battles, these fights also had me all tensed-up and at the edge of my seat. well, except the dragon ganon part (he turned into a dragon and all he could do was spit fire balls at me?? he literally had link on his mouth ready to crunch him down!! oh my bad these are the positives ahem). for the second ganondorf fight i got seriously stumped because he just kept dodging my flurry attacks or whatever, and then he kept hitting me with the attack that would remove one of my heart containers (which was really cool and new to see a zelda boss do THAT!!!). like, it actually made me think i was gonna get my ass kicked and would have to restart the battle. idk if this is the strategy since i haven’t looked it up online but eventually i figured out that, after he dodges your attack, he attacks you and you have to dodge THAT in order for your flurry attack or actually work. anyway, i really liked the ganondorf fights even if i sucked at fighting him and went through all of my 6 shields but hey, at least i beat him first try lol.

the sages joining you in the phantom ganon fight and when the temple bosses show up in the depths.

again just a really cool detail that in totk we actually see the sages actually fight alongside you and aid you in your quest to defeat ganondorf instead of hey you’ve awoken me as a sage i’m just gonna stay here and do nothing as you go and fight the demon king. plus it’s a cool moment when you see all those terrifying AF bosses show up in the depths and the sages are all like nah don’t worry about us, we got this! like…hell yeah? love you guys stay awesome and thank you for taking care of those bosses cus i did nOT want to fight them again since this game loves to make you fight the same enemies hundreds of times :)

the gloom hands.

wow, what a terrifying and cool enemy…the first time. but just like everything else in the game (which i will talk about later), they beat this concept to death until you just go ‘oh the gloom hands again, whatever’ and keep moving. the first time i encountered the gloom hands i was like what in the FUCK is this and what is this TERRIFYING MUSIC that plays!!! very dead-hand-from-oot of them. i thought that the floormasters from tww were terrifying with those disturbing sounds they would make but they got nothing on the gloom hands. and then when you think you finally defeat them all and you’re free from their creepy clutches, phantom ganon shows up and one-hit kills you. amazing!!

the ascend ability.

i wouldn’t say i LOVED the ascend ability (tbh i wasn’t fond of this whole crap with rauru’s arm abilities like idk it just doesn’t feel very zelda-ish but more on that later) but of the four abilities we get, i’d say ascend was the one i liked the most. took me forever to figure out some ascend puzzles at the beginning because i wasn’t used to the fact that uh yeah you can literally go through ceilings if you want so i for the most part would enjoy whenever the ascend ability would be involved. so i mean idk what else to say except that it was neat and wouldn’t make me groan to use it unlike ultrahand.

voice acting (japanese).

i’m sorry but hearing the last trailer where we hear zelda’s and (what i’m assuming was) ganondorf’s voice just made me roll my eyes and groan out loud at just how terrible and cartoony they sound. as soon as the game started and we hear zelda talk in that fake-sounding british voice, i just had to go in and switch the audio to japanese so that they could sound like REAL people instead of idk forced acting. and my god i’m glad i did. wish i had done that for botw because wow, the voice acting in japanese was just top-notch and actually made me like the characters and not like cringe at how the VAs sounded. so A++ to the japanese VAs but i mean who are we kidding they always excel at that and it didn’t sound like over-the-top or anything. it sounded just right :)

well that was nice. very lovely. and now for the things that i absolutely hated about the game. from this point on i’m going to quote a lot of things from the destructoid article and try to expand on them to fit totk. here we go!

the bad and ugly

the overworld.

oh boy. this is the big one. this is the one that, for the first 4ish hours of the game (or however long it took me to reach lookout landing), was just making me rage on the inside, and for the rest of the game, just continuously shake my head and sigh with disappointment (and still rage from time to time) at just how fucking boring the overworld in totk is. this is one of the biggest complaints i had in botw and, given that nintendo just fucking reused the same world for totk with literally almost no interesting or noteworthy changes, it continues to be the thing that makes me angry the most about this game. like, i’m sorry, but developers need to stop fucking making huge overworlds if they are just going to make them boring as hell to traverse and not be able to make them interesting to explore at all:

The game is all about running around aimlessly with nothing unique to discover, no area-specific secret bosses, and overall very little progression. The only secrets or things to discover are shrines or Koroks, leaving the world with a profound lack of mystery. I don’t understand why people complain about sailing in Wind Waker but suddenly love running around grassy plains and climbing rocks that take five times as long as sailing between islands did. Yes a game this size and length would be amazing if and only if it was rich with content all the way through, but it’s not. Clocktown (from Majora’s Mask) alone has more depth than the entirety of Breath of the Wild.

There’s the mention of shrines or koroks, but totk introduces the new exciting concept of…caves and wells!!! and while at first it might seem cool and exciting to explore, you then realize that at the end of the day, just like everything in this game, each cave is exactly the fucking same and only serves to hide those blue glowing overgrown frogs so once you find one, it’s like wellp, there’s nothing else of importance that you’re going to find in this cave EXCEPT maybe your umpteenth shrine or a treasure chest containing an outfit (i think that’s how i found all of the fierce deity clothes—within caves). and it’s like “well see dany! you found something ELSE within caves other than those frogs!!” yeah no i explored maybe like 50 or so caves and the shrine/outfits were found in like 4 caves i explored or something like that so no i wouldn’t call that exciting or wortwhile considering i never used the fierce deity outfit and i could have found my umpteenth shrine somewhere else. and the wells? yeah turns out there’s like 40+ wells whose only purpose is to report to some lady of how many you’ve found so that i think she can give you rupees? and honestly who cares. i have no idea what the reward is once you find all of them but what could be worth visiting the same boring-ass caves with the same boring-ass design just so that you can say “yep i’ve visited every well in this game!” and mark off yet another boring sidequest in totk.

at least with TP or MM whenever i found a cave i knew i was going to get a unique and interesting experience (that one cave in TP where you have to drop down to the lowest levels with the iron boots is one of my faves). but unfortunately here, any cool puzzles that would otherwise be found randomly in caves are now stuck strictly to the freaking shrines, which takes away any sort of mystery you might get from finding a cave because now you KNOW it’s just gonna be yet another same-y cave with the same damn enemies and really nothing else going for it except a bubbulfrog and MAYBE the start of a new shrine quest. and likewise, when you see a shrine, you KNOW you’re going in for your umpteenth ultrahand/rewind/ascend puzzle to get yet another shrine orb. like…totk’s approach to caves and puzzles and shrines take away any surprise that you might have had exploring its vast yet uninteresting overworld (how many times am i gonna say this in this rant lol).

and like god i distinctively remember this one part in the death mountain area where i was trying to reach goron city and i saw a shrine not too far—as in, i didn’t have to use the purah pad to be able to see it. so there i go, walking/running towards the shrine because what else is there to do in-between the rito and goron villages except hunt for shrines along the way. and it was so fucking frustrating because i swear i was just walking straight towards the shrine with nothing else in between. no cool music like in other open world games that immerse you with its beautiful music (see minecraft, horizon, sonic frontiers, xenoblade x), aboslutely no enemies, no interesting or beautiful terrain, just me walking like an idiot bored out of my mind listening to link’s clunky armor just to get to the shrine, complete it, and have to run all the way back to where i was since the shrine was the OPPOSITE direction of goron village.

and like, this empty and uninspiring overworld is what nintendo took 6 years to develop? “oh look there’s naming references to past zelda games teehee!! ruto lake! forest of time! something referencing the lokomos!!” but it’s like. you pass those landmarks without even realizing it because there is, most of the time, nothing worthwhile to do there despite the cool throwback name. at least with MM, which reused a lot of the same assets as OoT, the world was different and unique and interesting with lots of more background to similar-looking characters we saw in OoT (the cucco lady vs anju, for example). i felt like such a fool the first night playing totk because i seriously thought that this might be the MM of Botw—i hated (still do) botw but thought hey, now that they have the engine and the assets down, maybe they can now focusing on making the world and its characters and story more interesting and fleshed out! instead we just get the same korok seed BS, the same shrine BS that, although mildly amusing at first, gets boring and uninteresting fast as you explore your 73rd shrine and see the 46th korok hiding place.

and you might think “well dany of COURSE things are going to get repetitive! it’s an open world game and they can’t fill it with new and exciting content all throughout!!” ok then don’t make your overworld so fucking huge?? like WHY are these developers so hellbent on gloating about having “one of the biggest open-worlds” ever if you’re just going to be copy-pasting the same shit over and over with nothing interesting in between? you really think that what makes an overworld interesting is to see the same caves, the same damn bokoblin enemy camps, the same “uwu i need to reach my friend!” korok quests, the same “waaah i need to keep this postsign of the construction boss up in place and i can’t leave until i do!” BS, the same taluses/hinoxes, the same BOSSES all over the map?? yeah it was cool seeing the first gleeock out in the wild, i was like wow!! that’s amazing, i wonder if there will be different bosses roaming around like that? and then i saw that, nope! wrong again, dany! yet another cool idea beaten to death by just copy pasting the same enemy (with different elemental powers of course so as to not make it TOO obvious!) all over the goddamn map.

SPEAKING of copy-pasting the same things instead of having a boss or enemy or cave be truly unique, another thing that drove me insane was the mazes that you find in the overworld. i think i only did the one in the upper right, but there’s at least one other in the upper left of the corner. i thought it was a cool idea so i traversed through the (truth be told) rather boring maze just activating switches, which wasn’t really that interesting or challenging, it was just mildly frustrating and confusing navigating through it. and i fought i think a construct III at the end? whatever, you see those all over the sky as well. and what i got as a reward for navigating through the two mazes (the one in hyrule, and the one in the sky) was…one part of oot ganondorf’s outfits. like, ok, great, whatever, but before heading off to the final boss towards the end of the game i was like “well let me go do that other maze and see what that’s all about” but then i stopped myself and said, you know what, it’s probably gonna be the same BS, going through yet another non-engaging maze doing an uninteresting and confusing puzzle just to get either a weapon that calls back to an older game or another piece of oot ganondorf’s outfit. and i was like HMMMM yeah that doesn’t sound appealing or fun at all. SKIP!!!

Breath of the Wild wants you to grind and do repetitive shit all day. Fighting the same things over and over in a massive world isn’t fun, it really isn’t.

like i’m sorry if i’m just predictable and want something more entertaining to keep me interested in the world as i explore along instead of the same repetitive nonsense and then praise nintendo for giving us such a huge overworld for it. people might have complained about tww’s vast ocean but at least it gave us one of the most beautiful overworld themes to date and it made sense STORY-wise (as in, there’s sea everywhere and little islands in between because of the flooding of hyrule). here, and sorry to beat this point to the death but i just cannot emphasize enough how terrible of an experience it was for me to explore the overworld, because it’s just huge, boring, and repetitive for no reason.

and the worst part is, i couldn’t even ride my horse if i wanted to (which would have made exploring this forsaken world less annoying) because for some unknown reason, nintendo has decided that in these past two games, you can’t call for your horse from wherever you are. sure, you can BOARD your horse from the kakariko stable even if you left it far off in the rito village, that’s no problem! but calling your horse from wherever you want? no no that’s too unrealistic!

so no, i don’t care that you can climb every mountain in this game (to find what, another korok seed? lol). that’s not what makes exploration fun for me in a videogame. if i climb a mountain and then find a UNIQUE boss or a UNIQUE cave or a UNIQUE sidequest? now that’s cool. here? just copy-pasting away!

Climbing and watching the stamina bar is not fun, and it’s downright annoying when it begins to rain. Call it a mechanic or whatever you want but it’s not fun. It feels like they added a ton of mountain ranges just to pad the game length and justify a stamina meter when flatter land would have been just as acceptable.

i’d rather sail tww’s ocean or ride around ST’s tracks any day of the week. fucking NEXT!

the shrines.

like i mentioned at the beginning, i did my fair share of looking for and completing shrines because i wanted to get a fair sense of just all that this “new” game had to offer. sure, the first 10 or so are fun and interesting because you are learning to use the new arm powers. oh you want me to combine these two things with ultrahand to complete the shrine? cool! let me do that! oh ok, now you want me to rewind time on this object? omg neat! oh wow, now i have to be aware of my surroundings and use ascend here! cool! and then you do that again, and again, and again, and again, and again again again again until you’re on your 100th shrine and it’s like oh god PLEASE give me something new:

Shrine puzzles are all about the same level of difficulty, as are all the Divine Beasts and their bosses. Again, since they want to let you go anywhere, there is no progression of difficulty in either the bosses or puzzles. You do not learn new things and compound them as the game goes on […] You just do the same things with the same runes over and over. […] All have the exact same aesthetic, same music, and same lack of connection to game’s world. But rather than 120, there are actually only 80. There are 20 “Blessing” shrines which nine out of ten times give you some generic weapon you probably already have, accessed by completing puzzles of sorts outside the shrine to unlock them. Those “puzzles” are often just putting balls in holes, shooting an arrow at something, or fetch quests, though.

putting aside the number of shrines mentioned above (since they vary in totk), it’s like, that’s literally it. unlike previous zelda games, where maybe you’d enter a cave and wouldn’t have the necessary item to complete its puzzle, here, there’s no sense of progression because the game already gives you everything you need to explore ITS ENTIRE OVERWORLD AND ALL ITS SHRINES right from the beginning. and some people might like that, but it’s definitely not for me. because like, after you get all your arm powers, everything just stays exactly the fucking same through the rest of the damn game:

There is never a moment of “I need to comeback here later” which sounds convenient but it takes away from the sense of progression and getting stronger that this game and its fans claim it has. There is no excitement of getting a new mask, new song, boomerang, bottle, or equipment item that lets me do more. No matter where you go, you know you will be sufficiently equipped, and that takes the thrill out of it.

and i feel like that’s exactly one of the issues that i have with the concept of shrines in this game. it’s just the same types of puzzles with the same 4 powers tens of times until you complete them all and you can maybe recall 2 or 3 that you really liked and were like “huh ok that was cool” and move on. truly revolutionary for a game. and i just HATE that all pieces of heart/stamina currency is restricted to ONLY shrines because, once again, that leaves no variety or surprises in the game! you know completing a sidequest won’t yield a piece of heart or a stamina vessel ‘cus that’s all shrines, same for minigames or caves, which was half the fun of doing those things in previous games!! but no, once you find a type of SOMETHING in this game (a cave, a well, a shrine), you bet your ass that THAT same design is all you’ll ever see for the rest of the game.

shrines in this game did introduce a new type which is when they strip you of all of your equipment and only give you basic weapons that you have to use to get through the bunch of constructs that you have to fight inside. and yes, that was cool for the first couple of times, but i swear after my third one i was once again with the feeling of “oh god not THIS again??”. god i just feel like i’m just repeating the same issues i had with this game over and over again: repetition repetition repetition. this game just loves damn repeating itself!!! anyway, moving on…

99% of the side quests and NPCs.

this was a problem i had with botw and i don’t know why i’m surprised that totk did absolutely nothing to fix the issue of uninteresting, unengaging sidequests. remember in SS with the whole Peatrice-falling-in-love-with-you thing? or those sidequests in TWW with the rich and poor girl who at the end switch lifestyles because of circumstances in their lives, and you can help the now-poor Mila come to terms with her new life? or hell, ANY of the MM sidequests and how they actually made you empathize with its characters and actually care a little bit for what would happen to them? here in totk (and in botw) i just don’t feel that connection or need to help NPCs with their mundane problems like i would in previous zelda games:

Breath of Wild has its NPCs, but they are bland and as memorable as my ex-girlfriends’ birthdays. They don’t have unique characteristics, designs, or problems. Looking like they were born out of some generator rather than a human, they send you on shallow fetch quests. Collect 55 rushrooms. Tame that horse. The rewards are almost always just rupees, ingredients, or more generic breakable weapons.

i said 99% of the side quests and NPCs because i think the only one i actually cared for (but was actually tedious towards the end…) was rebuilding that lurelin village because the thought of having your home destroyed by “pirates” (aka bokoblins because god forbid this game have to create more unique enemies) was a bit too much for my heart to take. but i mean, other than that? who cares. oh that guy in hateno village has a creepy crush on that girl sweeping the front of the store? whatever. that whole elections thing in hateno village? yawn. some rito girl wants to cook some new recipe? i don’t know her. there’s really nothing much else i can say about NPCs or sidequests in this game because i can’t think of anyone else other than that guy who helped rebuild the village that actually made me feel SOMETHING else other than boredom. and like mentioned above, most of the time doing the sidequests isn’t really worth it because there’s no cool rewards like bottles, quiver expansions, pieces of heart, or an upgrade to an item because well, that would be taking away from the shrines-and-some-depths-treasure-chests-can-only-give-you-worthwhile-rewards thing from this game, huh?

overall, the villages in this game just feel empty and void of any interesting and captivating NPCs/sidequests that make me want to learn more about their lives. despite hateno village being the biggest village (i think) we’ve seen in a zelda game yet, i just…don’t really care for it or its people. same with kakariko village and zora’s domain, the latter of which just feels so big but just so fucking hollow and honestly boring to explore. tww’s windfall island just had tons of life and compelling characters of which i may not remember their names, but sure as hell remember their small but memorable sidequests. playing cupid between that guy that would walk around windfall and the girl with the orange dress is infinitely much more interesting than any of the so-called sidequests i did in hateno village.

the lack of enemy variety.

it’s kind of insane to me how, given that nintendo had about 5+ years to develop this game, they had a pretty good chance to develop new and interesting enemies. this was a problem i had with botw: fighting the same damn enemies just got old very damn fast. let’s see how many enemies (NOT including varieties, i don’t care that a fire keese is different than an ice keese, and also not mini bosses like hinoxes) botw had according to the zelda wiki: bokoblins, chuchus, keese, lizalfos, lynels, moblins, wizzrobes, yigas, pebblits, guardian scouts, guardians, guardian skywatcher, and…guardian turret i guess. that’s 13 enemies for a game that boasts to have such a huge and unique overworld. THRITEEN types of enemies. just thirteen. compared to Xenoblade 1, which has 30+ types of enemies (i stopped counting really), and horizon zero dawn, which has 24 types of unique machines.

now let’s see how many enemies totk has! there’s bokoblins, boss bokoblins, chuchus, constructs, evermeans, horriblins, keese, like likes, lizalfos, lynels, moblins, wizzrobes, aerocuda, pebblits, gibdos, gloom spawns, little frox, moth gibdo, and…yigas. 19 enemies, 6 more than its predecessor. just, wow, even now just looking at the numbers, the variety in this game is ABYSMAL considering that most of the time in the overworld you run in bokoblins, moblins, and lizalfos like 80% of the time. in caves, most of the time it’s just horroblins but really, the strategy to fight them all is exactly the same except for lynels, like likes, and gibdos, which you have to be more careful with. but really, it’s like…that’s all you could come up with for this huge overworld? i don’t know about other folks but for me, i eventually stopped fighting enemies because it just wasn’t worth it with how this game handles weapons and their durability:

But you quickly stop raiding camps and just avoid enemies in general, just as you slowly lose interest in exploring every ruin, because there is no suitable reward. You expend your breakable weapons, arrows, and food fighting easy enemies to get more breakable weapons; likely weaker than the ones you broke to get to it.

i already had more-than-enough strong enemy spoils to fuse with my weapons, i don’t need to fight my umpteenth silver bokoblin just to get another one of its stupid-looking horns to attach to my weapon and somehow make it stronger (and stupider). and also like, fighting them just got so boring after a while. sure, it’s a bit scary and intimidating fighting moblins when you only have 5 hearts and weak weapons, but eventually you get a two-handed weapon and all you have to do is just constantly whack away at your moblin/horriblin/bokoblin/lizalfos so that you constantly knock them down and don’t allow them to get back up cus it’s not like they have much variety in their attacks either. such thrilling combat if you ask me!! and the way that this game handles difficulty is just so stupid: making enemies “damage sponges” so that instead of 5 hits, now it takes 15 hits to kill a moblin in the same repetitive way—whack them away so that they can’t get up. how is this fun and interesting?

i fought a black lynel once in the wild and that was cool, but then i just never fought another one again because in my opinion the rewards for killing a lynel just aren’t really worth it. you break a couple of your weapons just to get some of its spoils and it’s like, eh, i’ll pass. a silver bokoblin’s horn might not be as strong but it’s not like it makes a HUGE difference in this game whether i have a silver bokoblin horn or a lynel horn. who cares!

the game of course then wanted me to fight a silver lynel on the way to kill ganondorf and i was like hell no, i don’t want to dodge the same moves over and over again and do the same flurry attacks over and over and over just like i did with the black lynel, except now i get to do it MORE times because of damage sponges! how is that exciting or interesting? at least give stronger enemies more variety in their attacks instead of making my hand hurt from just doing the same repetitive (there’s that word again) moves until it dies.

Speaking of Hinoxes and Stone Taluses, during my first encounter I was delighted to have a random mini-boss-like fight out in the open, thinking it was the only one. Then I quickly realized they’re copy and pasted all over the map. I was expecting to see unique mini-bosses or fights in certain locations, but that wouldn’t be possible when they have the loot system requiring you grind enemies over and over to upgrade numerical stats on armor.

already touched on the point made above a little bit but just had to mention it here as well because as i said, this game takes away any sort of unique aspect to it by beating it to death via copy pasting enemies, mini bosses, and bosses all over its map. you can’t imagine the disappointment i felt when i learned that colgera, aka a boss i really loved fighting at the wind temple, was found again in the depths. and again. i at least fought it three times throughout the game, not sure if it appears more times but when i saw it the second time i was like holy shit, this again?? really? any memory of having such a thrill of fighting it for the first time was quickly erased realizing nintendo just can’t keep something unique in this game. same thing with phantom ganon—encountering it for the first time was cool and intimidating. by the time i rescued the deku tree i was just sick to death of it, so realizing i had to fight it YET AGAIN!!!! at hyrule castle with the whole fake zelda business was just almost unbearable. (man, typing this whole rant out is making me realize just how many repetitive and monotonous aspects there are to this game!!!! and i hate that i keep using that word but what else is there to describe the constant sludge of same same same same this game kept throwing at my face??)

combat gets repetitive very fast.

look, i mentioned it before but i don’t play zelda to custom make doohickeys that can kill enemies. i’m old fashioned and honestly not creative enough (minecraft building wasn’t for me, i just liked to explore), so i like my hand-to-hand combat, with an arrow or two in between. i’ve already mentioned this in the previous section but the combat in this game just gets so repetitive despite the many weapons this game tries to throw at your face. i mean really when you think about it you have three kinds of weapons: your typical sword, the two-handed sword, and the spear. and i guess the bow? (oh and the wands but i’m more referring to the classic combat weapons) but like, for hand-to-hand combat, your overall strategy doesn’t change regardless of the type of weapon you have, which is just wack away as many times as you can, and do some flurry attacks for the stronger enemies like lynels and uh. hmmm. yeah. why not introduce different attack mechanics depending on the type of weapon you are building, like the horizon series does with the many weapon types it introduces in the games?

i’m not saying previous zelda games’ combat was the most exciting or varied, but at least with tww, the special parry attack attack would VARY by either doing a helm splitter or a back slice. but here in botw/totk it’s like…your special sword attacks consist of your classic spin attack and the flurry attack, which just stays (yet again) constant throughout the game. no upgrades like with the hurricane spin or the great spin. with tp and even tmc you had your hidden skills you could learn to vary your sword attacks and even tp gives you a special finishing attack (the ending blow, and actually SS had this too now that i remember!), but these past two zelda games just have failed to give much flavor in the sword techniques you can use. which is kind of stupid when you think about it cus this link is supposed to have been trained in sword combat while tww link is some kid from an island and tp link is just some guy raised in a ranch. i don’t know if this is the game trying to make itself seem more difficult by having removed these types of different sword skills because like, why can’t i side step and do a back slice like in tp? or ANYTHING ELSE other than a damn flurry attack which, if you’re not good at dodging, then good luck with that shit. flurry attacking over and over again just gets old very fast and makes those sponge enemies even more of a chore to fight when i can’t add any flavor to my sword attacks. just yet another thing in the game that i feel severely pales in comparison to past zelda games.

the weapon durability.

speaking of combat variety…i have no idea why i thought weapon durability would go away in totk. do people really like having breakable weapons? it was something i absolutely hated in botw and well, it’s back and HOPEFULLY not here to stay as a staple of new zelda games!

I’m beating a dead horse here, but breakable weapons is not a fun concept at all. It’s tedious and makes finding and collecting new weapons completely moot because “well I’ll be able to use this for a few seconds til it breaks.” If you want more weapons while keeping the thrill of finding them alive but not having a stronger one that makes others obsolete, then make a bunch of non-breakable weapons that are used differently and better in certain situations than others.

to piggyback on that last point, that sort of matches with what i was saying earlier about having different attack mechanics depending on the weapon that you’re using. i don’t know why the hell we need to have breakable weapons be a thing in this game. is it just to fill the overworld with more treasure chests of weapons you can find like the biggoron’s sword so you can be like “oh, thanks for this, it will break in a couple of hits and then i’ll lose it forever”? having the master sword “lose” its power after certain hits is so damn stupid too. sure zelda roamed the skies as a dragon for hundreds of years to power up the master sword but it still becomes unusable after wacking it against a moblin for a bit too long. this game just REALLY wants you to spend all your time running around and fighting the same enemies over and over again so you can get new weapons/stupid shit to fuse to them to make this game longer than it really is.

the music overall.

anyone who knows me even just a little bit knows how much i love video game music. i’ll even listen to music from games i haven’t even played, and i even cry of just pure joy at listening to some of the video game music out there. but oh god. just thinking about traversing the overworld in this game with just hearing link’s footsteps and the clunky armor is enough to make me go insane. why can’t we have good overworld music in zelda games anymore? as mentioned above, at least when i had to sail around tww’s ocean or ride around st’s tracks, it gave me some damn good music to listen to that, frankly, never got old (st’s overworld theme is still one of my ultimate faves in the series). and it’s not just hyrule, but the sky and the depths have this same problem as well: absolutely nothing but silence or (in the depth’s case) random creepy music from time to time. as if the overworld itself isn’t boring enough, they just had to make its “music” dull and lackluster and honestly non-memorable. when i think of exploring hyrule in TP i think of that badass orchestra-like music playing while i’m riding around with epona. when i think of exploring hyrule/the sky/the depths in totk i think of absolutely nothing but emptiness and boredom, music-wise. SIGH!

but if the overworld wasn’t bad enough, i feel like the locations themselves didn’t…really offer much in terms music that i’d personally want to save in my music collection. there were some exceptions, of course: hateno village (but really it’s just the same music as in botw), dragon head island (really chill music, love it), and…i think the lookout landing had some decent music, but honestly i don’t remember it well enough lmao. boss-wise, sure, the wind temple boss fight music was REALLY cool (dragon roost island sample in there? sign me the fuck up), and the build up as to when you’re going down to face ganondorf was also cool, but…again, for a game THIS damn huge, i’d expect more memorable music, like with the horizon series, minecraft, or xenoblade 1/X. idk, i just am not impressed with the music available in this game given how many iconic songs the zelda games have been in the past. like kakariko village’s theme song in this game is, imo, a disgrace. idk why they couldn’t have adjusted the classic kakariko village theme song to fit the new “aesthetic” they were going for with the sheikah. they did it in tww (where it’s a lively town) and they did it in tp (now in like a old wild west town kind of thing), why couldn’t they do it in botw/totk? ugh, just….so lame and bland.

the depths.

the problem i have with the depths is pretty much the same problems i had with the hyrule overworld except make it ten times worse and also now it’s completely dark. “but omg isn’t it cool how the depths mirror the surface overworld??” yeah i don’t really care, alttp already did that and it didn’t bore me to tears exploring the dark world. seriously, i fucking dreaded going to the depths because if the lack of new and interesting things to do on the surface is bad, then in the depths it’s just so much worse. at least in the surface you can use your horse in some areas to make it go a bit faster, but here? all on foot, baby. imagine exploring the surface all on foot, with barely ANY interesting landmarks, with the same 5 or so enemies, all the damn time, and it’s dark…can’t think of anything worse, game-design wise lmao. seriously, the depths were just idk another attempt to make this game’s overworld seem a lot bigger than it is but god it was just so damn fucking boring to me. i don’t care about the abandoned mines, or the springs, or…well, what else was there? just yet another treasure chest with yet another PART of an outfit? no thanks!!

i specifically remember that getting one part of the TP outfit was such a pain in the ass to get because it’s in that spiral part on the eastern side of the map except well it’s in the depths. it was literally just me running for like 5 minutes straight around this spiral while running past a bunch of bokoblins and other enemies because lmao i don’t want to fight the same damn enemy over and over again as i’m trying to get to the end of this spiral which is actually just part of some abandoned mines with no lore or anything else interesting in it that would make it memorable. and of course what’s at the end of it all? a throwback outfit so that you can think it was worth it to run like an idiot for 5 minutes straight. finding a quiver upgrade or an empty bottle would have felt more rewarding than just yet another outfit that i won’t be bothering to upgrade because upgrades in this game are so damn tedious.

99% of the islands.

i feel like a broken record here so i’ll keep this section short since my issues with the islands are similar to the issues i have with the shrines and the overworld and the caves except now they’re in the sky. other than dragon-head island and the one where you have to like move mirrors so that light shines in certain directions, the sky islands were stale and just a big whatever. i don’t know what else to say that i haven’t already beaten to death here except that the islands in tww are more interesting and rewarding to explore than the sky islands in totk. just would absolutely bore me to tears fighting my nth construct or doing the nth take-this-crystal-to-reveal-a-shrine quest next!

the temples.

again, my problems with the temples are very similar to that of shrines, ‘cus i mean they actually just feel like glorified shrines, but at least in totk they did a better job at having each temple have a different design and feel to it instead of botw where just every beast felt the fucking same (i honestly wouldn’t be able to tell the beast dungeons apart from one another). regardless, i don’t know about you guys but man do i sure as hell miss traditional zelda temples. to quote a person i follow who recently talked about their grievences with botw (waywardsalt):

Older zelda games’ dungeons being tied to their respective items is a big part- to me- of what makes those dungeons so good. […] The dungeons in past Zelda games are practically complex tutorials on how you can use your new items. […] And then you must then use that item to defeat that dungeon’s boss, and you usually have no chance of beating that boss if you don’t make use of the dungeon’s associated item. It’s like a final test for the item, seeing if you know how it works enough to complete the dungeon and use it against a boss’s weaknesses.

much like the beasts in botw, you get to a temple here and they immediately mark the spots of where you have to go. some are more straightforward and simplistic (the water temple) than others (the fire temple—which i think is the best of the four), but they all amount to the same thing: all of the puzzles are just a variation of yet another ultrahand object fusion, or if we get a little bit crazy, you have to use ascend throughout the temple. instead of giving you a mirror shield, the lightning temple just makes you use the ultrahand to move around mirrors to solve puzzles. which was cool at first (who doesn’t love mirror puzzles?), but the temple felt way too damn short compared to other mirror-heavy temples (spirit temple from oot and earth temple from tww), and moving around a mirror that’s laying in the room in plain sight just doesn’t have quite the same zelda feel of “i’ve fought my way through this temple, beat the miniboss, and NOW i finally have a mirror shield i can use to solve the puzzles i had been seeing previously!” ‘cus idk i do miss having that bit sense of progression that dungeon items would add: i DO miss stumbling upon a locked door in a temple and searching everywhere for a key to unlock it, or wondering “wow, i have to get up there, but i think i’m missing the temple item in order to advance, i guess i’ll have to come back here after defeating the miniboss.” instead here it’s just like, ok, i’m in the flashing dot room, what fan/cart/rocket/wing combination do they want me to build yet again??

i always felt like temples were supposed to be a big part of zelda games but, again, other than the fire temple, i felt like the temples here were rather fast to beat, with the water temple just being the worst offender. i mean they can’t all be winners, but considering this game ONLY has FOUR temples, you’d think they’d idk be a bit longer or more difficult to complete like in majora’s mask? there is barely any complexity in navigating temples like with MM’s snowhead temple or tww’s wind temple—the fire temple was the only one that did anything interesting with its navigation and the others were just so fucking flat, much like the beasts in botw. did the zelda team lose its main dungeon designer or something? even majora’s mask’s pirate fortress—a MINI dungeon—was more fun and interesting to navigate than THE fucking water temple in totk. what a joke!!!

the way the story gets told.

i won’t talk about my grievances with the story details themselves, there’s plenty of people who have rightly criticized how simplistic it is and how it doesn’t really make you empathize with ANY of its characters (except, in my opinion, princess zelda): not sorry but i actually laughed when ganondorf killed sonia lol, especially with them being like HA! your fake zelda ways can’t trick us!!! and then WHAM out comes ganondorf and fucking obliterates sonia like lol ok bye girl!!! i hardly knew you and the game gave me no incentive to care about you like i would with medli in tww or grandma impa in ss so your death means nothing to me! oh whoops i need to stop talking about the “story” and its “characters” before i get carried away!

anyway! i absolutely despised how botw told its bare-bones “story” through memories you had to find in the overworld, so can you imagine my utter disappointment when totk has decided to ONCE AGAIN tell its story the same damn way?? i get that they’re going for an open world aspect but my god, some fucking linearity won’t fucking kill you nintendo. plenty of open world games are STILL very much open world while forcing some linearity when trying to tell its story—horizon forbidden west and xenoblade x come to mind. these games still let you explore much of its world as freely as you want while making you progress through its story and make you care about its characters and their purpose along the way. but here with totk i feel no connection to the world or its people—kakariko village used to be such an important place in zelda games and i honestly couldn’t tell you the name of ONE interesting or appealing character from that village like renado in TP or Mila from TWW (what’s the name of that girl that took over from impa? even fucking impa is just another afterthought in this damn game). shit, i’m getting sidetracked again, but god there is just so many things to talk about how poor of a job totk does in making you FEEL something in its damn empty overworld but i got other shit to do and this is already way too damn long (if you’ve made it this far i could kiss you!!!!)

anyway anyway! my main problem with the way that the “story” gets told is that you can collect the memory that explains the bit about fake zelda way early in the game and you’re still running around visiting towns with the new sages being like “omg princess zelda was here and she tried to kill us!! :(“ like, link what the fuck you clearly just saw a memory that zelda is in the past (or has become a dragon if you went and hunted down all the memories right away) and there was a fake zelda back then, SPEAK UP and TELL these people something!!! same thing with those sidequests with penn or whatever, you’re over here hunting down clues about the missing princess, but you already know where she is!! she’s in the past!! the zelda that people have been seeing is more than likely fake!!! she’s a dragon!! but no, because nintendo for some reason couldn’t figure out how to tell an engaging and interesting story while also having an open world (they had 6 years!!!), you have to sit like an idiot as these people talk to you about fake zelda apparitions while you’re just like “gee i wonder what THAT could be!!”

because i found dragonhead island + the fifth sage way before my fight with phantom ganon, one of my friends told me that once you beat him, you can go back to kakariko village and tell people that the zelda that prohibited access to the ring ruins is fake so that they’ll let you explore them and eventually lead you to dragonhead island. but see, i never had to do that so instead i was just frustrated at the game design that i can’t SPEAK UP about fake zelda because the game decided that this is the one time they want some linearity and you won’t be able to say anything about the fake zelda until you defeat her. instead of like, hey, let’s warn the citizens of hyrule that there’s a fake zelda running around and to not trust her?? hello?? just another missed opportunity of having this game somewhat connect you to its characters and surroundings.

likewise with the master sword. i got the master sword before i saw the final tear + learned of the sacrifice zelda had to make, so i was kinda mad cus i feel like the emotional impact of getting the master sword from the white dragon would have been MUCH MORE greater if the game would have FORCED me to see the final tear before trying to retrieve the master sword. so it’s just like, ugh. if i have to play another zelda game that does such a shitty job at telling its story and making compelling characters that evoke empathy and compassion, i will seriously not know what to do with myself. like a mutual (shoutout be-gay-do-crimes) recently mentioned: loneliness isn’t Zelda!!

and i know people have complained about this but like, sitting through the same damn cutscene after you beat the temple bosses was YET AGAIN nintendo showing that they don’t know how to keep things interesting and just repeat the same BS over and over again. why not have each old sage, which of course are just another afterthought in this game’s sea of uninteresting NPCs, add on something new from its POV so we literally don’t have to sit through the exact same story being told and have absolutely no unique perspective from the old sage? is it really too much to ask for a bit of variety for a game that reused a lot of assets from its previous game and had so many years in development? where are the good story writers from past zelda games??

link’s lack of emotions.

i have a full post where i talk about botw link’s lack of emotions and why it was such a disappointment going from tww/tp/ss to….that, so i won’t get too much into this here ‘cus i already wrote another thesis-long post about that that you can find. people defend totk link saying “but his micro expressions! omg!!! you’re OBVIOUSLY not paying attention!!” like ok lmao keep being happy you’re fed crumbs. botw/totk link’s emotions are a fucking joke when you compare to previous zelda games, even oot link showed relief and a smile at zelda when they thought they had killed ganondorf. totk link? exists in a vacuum. to quote waywardsalt again:

the blank stare and limited emoting worked in botw because… there’s a given reason for his lack of outward emotion in the past, plus he has no memory in the present. it makes sense. but this time around, he’s gotten memories in the years between this and the last game, but he just feels like a background character in most of the story beats.

like i’m sorry if i expect link to at least show a fucking SMILE at zelda once she says “link, i’m home!” GIVEN that he knows the incredibly weighted decision that zelda took in becoming a dragon and roam its skies for hundreds of years in order to give link and the people of hyrule some hope that evil will be defeated once again. this is the same girl that spent 100 years keeping calamity ganon at bay waiting for YOU to heal and wake up. and there’s absolutely no emotional payback from link to us the player or zelda now that we know she won’t spent eternity as a dragon? give me a break! botw tried to explain it in zelda’s diary saying that “oh link doesn’t like showing emotion because he feels he has so much responsibility on his shoulder so he doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s feeling” but like, girl he’s not made of stone??

imagine if we had gotten a fraction of ss link’s expressions with totk link when he’s reaching out to zelda as she’s falling again after turning back into a human just like ss link did when he tried to catch zelda from falling to the surface. or respond to totk zelda’s “i’m home!” with the same smile that tp link gave to midna when he saw his friend was safe after the light spirits bring her back. it’s just ugh so fucking frustrating looking back at past links and how expressive they were and with totk we’re supposed to cheer that he has microexpressions and praise nintendo for making link such an emotionally-complex character through crumbs. it just makes the totk fanart of link and zelda even funnier considering how non-responsive link is to anything involving zelda. botw/totk zelda has gone through so much shit emotionally to just be talking to a wall. just whatever.

miscellaneous questionable gameplay decisions.

why can’t i call my horse from wherever i am in the overworld like i could in oot/mm/tp. this game tries to be sooo realistic with its slipping from walls if it’s raining or striking you with thunder if you have metallic weapons or well OF COURSE your horse can’t hear you whistling from where you are 10 thousand feet away! but sure i can dive from great heights and not die and i can climb mountains like spiderman and swim up waterfalls with a special shirt (but careful ‘cus this same shirt will make you drown with regular horizontal swimming!) and sure it’s fine for the gerudo to run through the desert in heels. like…make it make sense lol.

and why is it such an odyssey to use a sage’s ability. why do i have to chase them down in a chaotic battle for me to use riju’s ability. why aren’t there shortcut buttons for me to do this. who thought this was a good idea?

why is there no shortcut or a menu where i can easily switch back and forth between my most-used outfits? this was especially annoying in the desert when during the night it’d be freezing cold, so there i go to put on the rito pants and shirt. ah but it’s afternoon again so open up the menu and now switch to the gerudo head gear so you don’t die of heatstroke. like, there’s all these outfit options and this game makes it such a pain to quickly pick my most-used outfits, especially considering that each outfit consists of three parts so you have to be switching back and forth between whatever is currently needed. it’s why i never even bothered to get the climbing outfit because i sure as hell didn’t want to be switching back and forth between THAT and my green tunic just so i can climb this game’s dull mountains. there’s millions types of outfits and upgrading them just give you defense stats. to quote the destructoid article:

OK, I can swim up a waterfall, but why not let me swim like a Zora as you could in Majora’s Mask? How about on top of just climbing faster, upgrading the climbing gear lets me climb in the rain without slipping? How about at least giving me a hotkey or shortcut to quickly change outfits on the fly instead of going through the menu every five seconds? Those would be things worth upgrading for, not just numerical defensive stats.

but of course you can’t use the same gear for climbing faster AND not allowing you to slip—why, what else would they fill the overworld with if not yet another super specific outfit?

the fusing ability was just a big whatever to me. like, just give me stronger weapons since that’s what i would end up doing 95% of the time with the fuse ability. i don’t care about fusing an ugly-ass looking bokoblin horn to my weapons to make them stronger, or putting a mushroom or whatever on my shield. oh i can fuse fruits and keese eyes and bomb flowers to make fire/ice/light/bomb arrows? very revolutionary.

eventually….ultrahand.

i won’t make this long since i’ve already talked about how i don’t play zelda games for customizations or being able to make my own house or whatever else this game tried to fit into it in a vain attempt to make the game seem bigger than it actually is. sure the ultrahand stuff is cool for the first few hours of the game and your first few shrines, but just like everything else that i’ve talked about on this thesis-long rant, it just got boring and monotonous and uninteresting to me. i honestly went through maybe 70% of the game with just the first zonai battery-thingy that you get from the start since i never really felt the need to upgrade it. ultrahand and its weird-ass puzzles just don’t feel zelda to me, i miss items like the hookshot/clawshots, the boomerang to stun enemies, the whip, the sand wand, the hammer, like…i don’t care that i can make machines that can obliterate enemy camps in an instant, it’s not like enemies are that hard in this game once you get to a certain point—i don’t need ultrahand BS for it. good for the people that are having fun with and making all sorts of contraptions, and yes in a game programming sense it is definitely cool and a marvel to think about, but……idk it just wasn’t for me and the game leaned too heavily on it for my liking. doing the same types of puzzles with carts/rockets/fans over and over again in shrines in the depths in the sky in the temples in the overworld just made me hate the ultrahand mechanic. at least with the ascend ability i felt like it wasn’t as overused as ultrahand but well i guess nintendo really wanted to show off its fancy new toy and say see!! this was worth the 70 dollars!!

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whew, well, there’s definitely more things i could talk about in regards to why this game is such a huge letdown for me and one of the worst ZELDA games i’ve had the displeasure to play, but i think i’ll stop here for my own sanity. if there’s one thing i’m grateful for this game is that it made me appreciate older zelda games so much more: i have this huge urge to play through tww and st again, hell even through ocarina of time too even though i’ve beaten that game EASILY over 80 times. i also had a lot of fun messaging back and forth with my buddy downpourstringloop as we would play through the game and exchange our thoughts on it (reminded me of our SS days!), so that was really cool as well. just like with botw, i definitely will not be playing through this game again as i would always do with pretty much all other zelda games (man i remember as soon as i beat ST i immediately started a new run for it because it was just so damn great). it just wasn’t fun for me and i don’t want to wade through 90+ hours of BS just to replay 10 hours of somewhat good moments.

so now that i’ve mostly poured out all most of my thoughts on this game, i hope that totk will not be taking up more of time and make me want to go insane at thinking of all the missed opportunities that nintendo had with this game coming from botw. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i really hope the next zelda game isn’t in this same lackluster open world format and that nintendo can put back a little bit of the magic that made zelda games great and a joy to replay through. but unfortunately for me, people everywhere love botw/totk to death, so it looks like i will just have to ride it out and wait patiently for this zelda open world hype train to die. maybe then we’ll once again get interesting temples, new unique dungeon items, compelling characters and NPCs, engaging sidequests with worthwhile rewards, fun minigames that are rewarding to complete, gameplay that doesn't feel repetitive and beaten to death, and a story that tugs at my heart like SS or ST did.

PEACE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ✌️

#junk #totk #totk criticism #legend of zelda #zelda #tears of the kingdom #as a long-time zelda fan i just had to get this all out off my chest #it's no surprise my neighbor and i spent over 4 hours talking about this game lol #THE DEED IS DONE i can finally put it to rest #not tagging anyone mentioned in the post cus idk this is just a personal rant #if i thought my xc3 post was long....lol

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