#wow nov 2020 feels so far away ... that was only 4 months ago. wild.

[snowedinpodcast]

A lighthearted one this time. Transcript below!

Let’s Walk: The Clues that I Catch [Transcript] 

“So get back, back, back to the disaster/My heart’s beating faster/Holding on to feel the same!” 

That song is a neutral brown. It’s not warm like mahogany and it’s not cool like driftwood. It’s in the middle. I really like that. 

I wanted to tell you just a quick story today, and that is about one of my shirts [laughs] … yes I have stories about shirts. I have stories about jackets, I have stories about a lot of different things that I wear … partly because I project personality traits onto them and partly because a lot of the things that I wear these days have been thrifted, so. They have … they have dramatic backstories! It’s not just me making this stuff up! The universe is conspiring along with me. 

I’m wearing this flannel right now. The brand name is Brixton so I, I named him Rix. He’s also been arbitrarily gendered. I don’t know why. He’s a him shirt. [Faint barking]. That’s just how it is. That’s how it is. He is a men’s small. He is a sort of … [barking] … deeper tan color as his base, with .. uhh … brown, red, and green striping going in various directions. I believe. I did literally just look at Rix so I should know what colors he is, but [tongue click] I’m outside now and it’s dark so I don’t have any perception of any color at all. Also I’m cold and I don’t wanna unzip my coat. [Car passes].

What’s important about Rix is that I knew I was going to like him the moment I saw him, which doesn’t happen a lot for me [barking]. I was in Tacoma [Washington], I was at … not the Goodwill outlet, not the place with the bins where everything is weighed and then paid for by the pound [barking], but the store that Goodwill has … [barking] on 6th Avenue? [Inhale]. That’s not really helpful unless I have the, the other street [barking] it is also close to, so, [barking] do with that information what you will. [Barking].

This poor dog [barking] is having a time. [Barking] sweetie. I hope you find your bone. I hope whatever’s troubling you fades away like a breeze. 

Anyway, yeah. Rix was on a hanger at the front of the men’s long sleeve shirts section of this particular Goodwill. I’d already been here a few times by that point so I knew how to navigate the store, I was dimly aware of the layout … so I beelined for the men’s shirts and there he was. I loved him for his pattern right away, it was the browns and greens and the reds, these jewel tones that’re also quite swampy when they’re all together. Neutrals: I like them. Earthy colors. And I could tell by the fit, I could tell by the boxy fit, that he was going to be exactly what I was looking for. I did try him on but I didn’t need to. I was already in love, I was already picking up the clues. This was supposed to happen. 

I don’t really believe in fate, but if I did, me finding Rix was fate. That was supposed to happen. [Softly laughs]. I think a lot about the clues that I catch and then the clues that I miss and how many I think I’m actually catching—if fate is real, of course, which I’m not even really sure if I’ve decided on, so already this is a weird thought exercise, but. It’s fine, it’s whatever. [Car passes].

I like the idea that there may be some entity or some set of mathematical patterns or whatever it is you believe in operating in the background, things that humans are on the cusp of understanding or see glimpses of but don’t quite grasp the whole picture … And within that network of possibilities and plans, sometimes you pick up some of them … and other times you don’t. I just like thinking that. I like thinking that Rix was supposed to be there for me, that he was supposed to be seen by me and immediately recognized as one of my kind. 

“I knew when we collided, you’re the one I have decided who’s one of my kind.” That would’ve been a better quote to start with! You get two songs this episode. 

Um … yeah. As for Rix’s traits, he didn’t really feel like a character very early on, not the way some of my other clothing pieces that have personalities did. Rix took a while to … to brew. And even then, I make fun of him a little because his main character trait is that he doesn’t really have a character [laughs]. He’s sort of like your average, mediocre, boring office dude who has, ah, close-cropped hair of a beigey blonde kind of color. He has tortoiseshell glasses that are a little hipstery. He obviously wears a lot of flannel and a lot of pinstripe—y’know, crisp, button-down shirts type of deal. Slacks. Maybe neat, hole-less jeans on casual Fridays. 

He doesn’t really say a lot. He tends to hum disapprovingly as his reaction to most questions you may ask. He, he’s the kind of guy who says “I see” and then just kinda stares into your soul [laughs]. He’s kind of polite but in a hostile way, y’know? Yeah. That sorta thing. I imagine he has a lot of thoughts and feelings but he doesn’t disclose them easily. He might not even be aware of all of them himself. He just kinda does what he has to do and then he goes home and he puts on his jazz music and he drinks his tea and he decompresses. And then he goes back to the office starting on Monday. Maybe he goes fishing on the weekends. I feel like he’s very solitary of a guy, y’know? 

That’s Rix [laughs]. That’s the personality I have pushed onto him. Oh! Does he have freckles? I think he might. I don’t remember. I’ve tried drawing him before. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do because he doesn’t really have a character … And that’s because flannels just work really well with other stuff. I’m wearing a swampy green T-shirt with UFO imagery underneath … of Rix, and he looks great with it because brown complements green. Shocker, they’re both earthtones! [Sigh]. 

So because Rix is so agreeable, he kind of ... he blends in ... [car passes] … but it’s a little forced, there’s something about him that’s a little too crisp. There’s something about him that didn’t seem to fit at the thrift store. He’s very pretty. He has a bit of pilling here and there but overall his condition is really nice. He just—he just felt a cut above, y’know? A little bit haughty. Like he’s hiding something. But it’s not nefarious, it’s just … guarded. And I like him! I like him a lot, I think he’s fun. I think he’s easy to pair with things. I like a character that’s mysterious but in a non-menacing fashion. 

I like oxymorons. I like politeness that has an edge to it. Rixton’s a type—Rixton? What? That’s a band. Rix is a type. But so’s everyone, this is one of those things I’ve had to reconcile with. Every single person in this world is unique in their own specific way but also, there are character archetypes that get obviously watered down and simplified for TV and books and what have you. That’s how you get character archetypes. But like, y’know, you can—to some degree—recognize a type when someone fits it. Not that you should decide if they’re worth listening to or not based on what types they do or don’t fit. That’s a little ... that edges on being racist. Or sexist, or misogynistic, or ableist. The list goes on. But I don’t know. It feels like, it feels like that sort of thing where ... I’m, I’m edging towards the threads the universe has put down when I’m like you’re a type ... This is not useful information in any way, I’m just getting a vibe off of you, y’know? You’re a type. 

That means I’m a type! And I can’t tell what type I am! It’s like, it’s like in so many fantasy universes where you have a fortune-telling character who can see everyone’s fortunes except their own, y’know? ‘Cause you can’t be an objective viewer of yourself, can you? In many ways, you are the only person who can know certain parts of you, but in as many other ways, you will be forever touched by  bias. 

That’s why I think people need people. Not necessarily to be happy or fulfilled, but … [sigh]. If you live entirely in your head, then you live in an—in a biased world, y’know? And if you don’t have other people around you to bounce your thoughts off of and to absorb the different viewpoints of ... you don’t have as rich of an experience? I think I really will go out on a limb and say that. Community makes people who they are … so if you don’t have community, there’s like a whole part of you that you don’t get to see reflected accurately, or reflected to you in a way you never would’ve seen before. And then there’s parts of others that you don’t get to see. [Distant horn sound]. [Sigh]. 

This got a bit rambly. I don’t think that’s where I intended to go. But that’s where we went. Thanks for listening. I love you. I’ll catch you on the next.