#wow i really cant make words happen on these meds | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

icantevenrantinmymain · 1 year ago

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eto na pala mga gamit mo. hindi pa to kumpleto isusunod ko mga naiwan, yung mga nasa baba ill send sa bahay niyo sa ilo lahat. lahat ng binigay mo ibabalik ko, kahit pinakamaliit na keychain. ayoko ng kahit anong gamit na binigay mo kasi it felt na it didnt come from the heart especially the time malapit sa breakdown mo. You were trying to bribe me, buying my attention and affection like you think i was that shallow? sa tagal kitang laging kinocomfort pag nagkakaroon ka ng episodes and moods, sa dami ng mga bagay na ginawa ko para sayo ako pa tinatawag mong walang hiya sa likod ko? ibabalik ko lahat ng binigay mo sa akin, those that i cant i will pay in cash kasama yung sinasabi mong utang ko sayo na deposit. i will admit, marami akong utang talaga before pa and i didnt realize na yung mga libre mo is just you buying me. maybe it didnt start that way, pero it became obvious near and during your breakdown. you were giving me gifts, lagi mo akong 'nililibre' and basically love bombing me. you dont take no for an answer and then you get all sad when i do. alam mo nakakasakal na sobra. matagal na. hindi ko lang masabi kasi i was hoping na you would get better and then you could handle real emotions. pero ngayon ano? bumalik ka lang sa dati, naghanap ka pa ng mga tao na magvvalidate ng kwento na ginawa mo na ako lahat may kasalanan. alam mo salamat. salamat kasi kahit ganito nangyari satin you gave me enough courage to want to grow. unfortunately i was growing more than you could and you kept on holding me back. sinabi mo sakin one time nung depressed ka na you think i would be better off kung umalis ka and i said no. you know what i really wanted to say? yes. you were holding me back because i have to cater to you mood swings and your mental illness that im not even responsible for! You were using my reassurances as a crutch, you werent even trying to expand your deep friends! you just kept clinging on me and i fucking hate it! "when you say meet new friends it feels like youre pushing me away." I WAS!!! I WAS TRYING TO PUSH YOU AWAY GENTLY BECAUSE I WAS SO FUCKING TIRED AND I FELT SO CAGED IN I JUST HAVE HALF THE MIND TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOU WHILE SAYING ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! i want to fucking hurt you by words so bad because its the only way it would stick forever. you said you would try and be better and i was so proud of you, but then i learned you stopped taking meds and stopped talking to your therapist. you know what im just so tired. just thinking what happened back then it really makes me angry and i cant even finish what i would want to say.

i heard you were talking shit about me na 'di ba ako nahiya sa mga ginawa mo para sakin'.wow. WOW. ikaw pa may lakas ng loob sabihin yan? sige isa isahin natin ginawa mo for me not complete list sure ako meron ka pang naalala na gusto mo isumbat sakin. una, nililibre mo ako, sige bayaran natin ng pera yan. sunod binibigyan mo ako ng 'gifts', sige ibalik lahat yan. tinulungan mo ako sa mga homework, lagi kang nagaask ng favor sa prof para sakin and the group, alam ko naman na flexing your connections gives you a sense of ego boost kasi you dont have a self that you can stand alone with. most of the homeworks i dont even want you to do, i became so dependent of you which is what i think you wanted. pero i hated what i have become, wala akong motivation mag aral, ayoko na pumasok kasi iaasa ko lang sayo mga gagawin, i said no when you offered me to do homework and i hated that i have to do that just so you wouldnt. i hate that you were so game on doing things for me that is literally detriment for me. thats why i started saying no to you, and you know what happened? modd swings. you got depressed frequently it was so tiring. we go out a lot which i dont like but i dont want to stay with you while youre in a depressive mood. i cant do anything with that, di ko mababalik or mababayaran ng pera pero we didnt ask for it. I didnt ask for it. you always offered. you made it seem like theres no strings attach tapos susumbatan mo ako?

kapal ng mukha mo. why dont you try not offering, wag mo iflex connections mo sa tingin mo may gusto sumama sayo? karamihan ng mga 'friends' mo sa school sumasama lang kasi they can get something from you. That sense of ego boost na nakukuha mo kasi hinahanap ka ng mga tao would disappear kasi if you dont have that you have no means of knowing who you are. you were a wreck nung walang pumapansin sayo kailangan mo pa magdabog para lang may lumingon sayo. you know whats sad? if only you would really want to heal and not make your mental illness your personlity you would really excel. i gave you years of my life supporting you, reassuring you, fucking repressing myself so you wont get mood swings, tinanggap ko lahat ng physical abuse na nakuha ko during that week na halos himatayin na ako tumayo lang ako tapos ikkwento mo na walang hiya ako? bayaran mo lahat ng emotional investment na binigay ko sayo hoping you would get better. ibalik mo yung time na hindi ako traumatized dahil sayo. alam mo yung kwento mo about the people who left you? dati akala ko talaga you were wronged, pero ngayon na naexperience ko to? i had an idea what went wrong. maybe they were just horrible people, maybe they really just dont care. or maybe they were pushed so hard that they dont have any choice but to complete cut you out of their lives, like me. i know youd say "but you said you wouldnt leave me, that you would stay" and i did, didnt i? i stayed when you were having depression episodes, i reassured you multiple times, i always said you did a good job, to take your time. I fucking stayed when you were having a breakdown, when you hurt me physically and left huge bruises that my parents saw. i stayed when i was emotionally drained and i had half the mind to just tell you to kill yourself. i stayed when all i wanted was to leave. but what did you do? you fucking wanted more. you wanted the things you know you couldnt have, threw a tantrum using your mental illness as an excuse and then blame me for how everything went down? how fucking generous of you. HOW FUCKING KIND OF YOU. THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU DID FOR ME. and whats more frustrating is that i really meant it when i said you were one of the first people i told secrets about, my father, my low self esteem, and how im scared of the future because i dont know what i want. i did became more open because of you and i really thank you for that. but becoming more open means growing, and even though i didnt know what i wanted to be that time i know i wanted to grow. i want more. im tired of what i was and where i was at that time. but you dont seem to want to leave that place. i outgrew you and you were hellbent on keeping me there. for what? to reassure you? to make sure that youre still worth something?

when i started this rant i thought i could go on for hours just typing everything calling you out on every single thing, but now that im writing this part. everythign is just suddenly calm. im rereading the parts i wrote and i dont feel anger anymore. maybe it will return maybe not. all i feel for you is pity. that you had the support you need and then you fucked it real bad. then you revert and find people who will comfort you but not encourage you to grow. im sorry youre stuck in that cycle. i really hope you get better. it is still annoying when i hear your voice and see you, if youve noticed i cant even look you in the face the last year we were roommates. i cant even feel the annoyance or anger i felt that time. ive spent enough time on you i think im done. looking back i really was making a lot of morbid jokes and saying i wanted to die and i thought it was just my humor, turns out it was a coping mechanism. now that im in a better place i couldnt even joke that, maybe from time to time but when i find the thought i dont really mean it. i dont actually want to die, i want to live and experience more. i think i do have a morbid sense of humor but i dont need it to be happy. im happy where i am now. i am more sure of myself, i have friends that i have good boundaries with, i am learning to establish my own boundaries, im unlearning the trauma you gave me with a supportive partner, im actually having plans for the future even if im scared and im still unsure if i can do it. im excited to live. im feeling real emotions. i cry a lot now but it feels so good being able to just let it out and let myself regulate properly. i know you will say i dont have a mental illness like you, yeah i dont and im lucky for that. but you cant use that as an excuse because people with mental illness like you were able to live full and happy lives. "but im different" theres a reason why they were able to diagnose mental illnesses, because theres a bunch of people that are the same as you and those people were able to cope. i know its not easy but some of them probably have a worse life than you had. i worked hard to reach where i am today and when i say that i really did. i had a lot of step backs and even thinking id die like that but i kept going. a part of me really wants to grow no matter how painful. and it is very painful. but its about learning and adapting, new experiences are scary pero it opens up new paths to explore.

if it wasnt obvious im saying goodbye. im severing ties na because not only it became toxic you were talking shit of me behind my back, even though i admit some of it are true, but i wouldve appreciated it if you told me straight. i wouldve paid and given you everything back. im just really disappointed with how you handled that and i know you hate that word but its the only word that can describe how i felt when i learned that. im disappointed in you. i still hope you get better but i wont be in it. in the future maybe there will be a chance to reconnect but for now im saying goodbye. i need to heal the trauma you left me. you can talk more shit behind my back i dont care now, it will all come back to you when they know the truth. i guess being in a better place is the best revenge after all.

#final rant #hopefully #im in a better place now #and with a partner that really cares for me #goodbye

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gibbearish · 5 months ago

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bringing this back bc ive been seeing a post going around lately saying "hey guys its really great that these fundraisers are getting lots of notes on here, but they actually need to reach their goals too. do better." like. dude. please i am begging you for the love of god take one (1) whole entire second to consider the words you are saying and what they might mean. sometimes when people cant afford to donate to something, they share it instead so that others who might have the funds can find it. this is not a new phenomenon. if its getting shared a lot but no donations, like. think. use your brain. try to put together the dots as to why that might be happening on the goddamn broke bitches website rather than just assuming it's because people just. fucking dont know fundraisers want you to donate money to them?????

like. literally look around you. if any of us had spare cash do you think we'd be Like This? there was JUST a whole post going around about "if i won the lottery thered be signs" and every single "sign" was shit like. buying a wheelchair, getting surgery, getting meds, getting doctors appointments, getting a house, fixing leaks, getting a working car, buying the things their friends need to survive, and all of us going "wow what a bleak world we live in that this is all we can hope to aspire to". and while ive never been a fan of "life isnt fair, get used to it (derisive)" type rhetoric, i do believe that the idea it's going for is something to keep in mind in situations like this. life isn't fair. a lot of people don't have the resources they need to survive, and it feels like the only people who care about it are the ones in very similar boats with very similar leaks. we're all doing our best to bail ourselves out, and while im sure we would all fucking LOVE to reach across the ocean and help bail out others, like. that just isnt realistic. if you dont have the resources to keep yourself afloat, how exactly are you supposed to have the extra resources for others as well?

life isn't fair, and while we shouldn't get used to it, we do need to like. be realistic about it and understand when that kind of guilt tripping is warranted. theres a difference between "people with resources choosing not to share them" and "people without resources doing everything they can to help regardless". and while i hesitate to say any one thing deserves shame because thats extremely subjective and i am not the ultimate authority, if i had to pick one of those two things that did, it would be the first, not the second. if people want to help you and are doing everything within their power to do so, shaming them for not doing more is. counterproductive at the very least, and outright manipulative at worst. stop treating people like piggy banks you want to shake every last coin out of and actually consider the perspective of the people youre trying to talk to. life isnt fair. dont make it more unfair by blaming people for things outside of their control. if a palestinian fundraiser fails to reach its goal, that is a tragedy. but it is not a tragedy that it is fair to place on the shoulders of Everyone Here. and i can understand why this redirection of blame happens, the true culprits are so far outside of anyone here's reach that they may as well be non-existent, so in the absence of the ability to personally strangle netanyahu, people have to find an outlet for that rage that seems like it could actually make a difference. people need to feel like the void is listening back, like the punches theyre throwing at it are actually making contact. and when youre in a blind rage, as long as the hit connects, you feel like youre doing something, like youre making a real tangible impact. and you are! just. not necessarily with the one you were aiming for, nor necessarily in a way that is actually conducive to your cause.

every time i see discourse about fundraisers go by on here im just fully struck with the realization that not a single one of you people have either taken a cybersecurity fraud prevention course or bothered to take one singular second to consider the website youre on. this is the broke bitches website. none of us can afford to fund our mutuals' grocery bills, much less entire evacuation funds, and CERTAINLY not FAKE evacuation funds taking advantage of genocide victims. all this shit abt how people are deliberately choosing not to fund every post that passes their dash because they hate palestinians literally just does the work of actual scammers for them by laying the high-pressure sales tactics groundwork, and the "do you guys have any idea how hard it is to keep coming up with new attention-grabbing fundraiser posts?" ones just ring EXTREMELY hollow because YEAH! YEAH I DO! and so does everyone i follow! and everyone they follow! because all of us are FUCKING BROKE and surviving on crumbs! i just saw one that said "i make sure to keep $40 in my wallet at all times so i can give $20 to any panhandlers i see, this is the same" and its like!! good for you, thats very nice, but like!!! you need need NEED to take a step back and realize that /being able to do that/ is a position of privilege, not the default setting to be a good person. i wont discount that some people do ignore fundraisers specifically because of racism because Of Course, but like. a) yelling at them isnt gonna make them stop, or more accurately yelling at /everyone else/ isnt gonna make those people stop, and b) trying to apply that as a blanket motivation for everyone just. realistically doesnt work. not donating is a nonaction, it is the literal default status, and while in specific situations you can use CONSISTENT absence of SPECIFIC actions to track a person's motivations SOMETIMES, broadly speaking that just. doesnt work.

there are 8 billion people on this planet. most of them will never know you exist. of the ones that do, most will not be able to help you. of the ones that can, most will not be on the broke bitches website passing the same communal $20 around. consider your audience and stop shitting on fellow poor people for having the gall to need to be careful with their money. and if you are genuinely only posting your fundraiser to tumblr, like. im sorry, but you need to anticipate not reaching your goal and prepare accordingly. theres a reason the last big scam scandal people talk about actually getting the money is like. all-or-nothing era, as a website none of us have the funds to make that kind of thing happen anymore or the security to risk it. a fundraiser not meeting its goal on here is not a personal sleight against whoever made it, its just how life goes sometimes. and it's unfair and it sucks and we should help however we can, but. sometimes you just arent able to help someone else, and continuing to feel responsible serves only to torture yourself. and blaming OTHERS serves only to move that guilt from yourself off onto another person. i imagine that has to be where a lot of the vitriol comes from, is people who cant afford to donate more getting pissed at people they see as having the funds but choosing not to share them, but again, sometimes you just are not able to achieve the goals you set out towards, through no fault of the specific parties involved.

people on tumblr choosing to buy groceries rather than potentially donate to a scam are not your enemy and are not the ones facilitating a genocide. we're all victims of the same horrific system, the question is just how that system manifests its influence on each of us. poverty kills just as thoroughly as a bomb. everyone is just doing their best to survive, and as much as we like to pretend that everyone should be a perfect selfless angel that puts others before themselves no matter what, humans are by default a selfish species, and it is a lot easier to say what youd do in theory than actually do it. and there's a reason you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person beside you, youre of no help to anyone if youre too dead to do anything.

#origibberish #also i have personal beef with the phrase 'do better' in this kind of context but thats not rlly relevant here #ill just say that the slogan-ification of discourse online makes me want to boil people #like do you actually give a shit or fuck abt what youre saying or do you just think thats the magic win argument phrase #i will say tho watching people argue that way irl is so fucking funny bc its ridiculously awkward #like you can tell they both feel like total badasses every time they drop their little slogan and are mentally dropping a mic #but its such a nothingburger that to an outside observer its. yknow #nothing JEBFKWBFKSNS #also with that can i just say: if youre gonna call republicans weird please like. know why youre doing it #rather than just. thinking saying 'youre weird' will make them immediately burst into tears and run away #theyre not cartoon characters‚ theyre people. as much as it may feel otherwise

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hypermania · 5 years ago

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so my fic prompt is annie helping nancy with dakota

Annie knows what people think — she’s immature, she’s reckless, she’s irresponsible, she’s a screw-up — and some of it might even be true, she can admit that, but she’s a good mom. A great one, even. When Gregg knocked her up (which of course he’s never held accountable for) everyone just automatically assumed Beth would step in and handle all the primary caregiving duties, that she’d be the one to raise the baby. She’d taken care of Annie, after all. But besides a few babysitting jobs here and there, Beth wasn’t really needed, not when it came to Ben.

It wasn’t like a switch flipped or some deeply buried maternal instinct clicked into place as soon as the doctor placed that fragile little ball of tears and poop into Annie’s arms.

The truth is that nothing inside her changed at all. It was more like the person she’d always been just turned out to be perfectly suited to making tiny humans happy. She knew nothing about babies, not really, but she knew what to do with Ben.

Knew that sometimes all he needed was a pat-pat-pat on the bottom to soothe him, just a gentle acknowledgement that Annie was there and paying attention.

That wrapping his tiny little Michelin arms and legs close to his body seemed to make him feel safe.

That sometimes the only way to get him to stop crying after a feeding was to sing Eye of the Tiger while pushing his knees to his tummy in an adorable approximation of baby aerobics.

And really, it’s not just that she was good with her baby, it’s that she was — is — good with all babies, generally speaking. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It just is. Even her Suburban Goddess sister had to ask for her help more than a few times (Kenny and Emma were particularly loud screamers at even the hint of anything less than perfect harmony) and she’s pretty sure Ruby would’ve called on a few occasions too if it wasn’t for Stan’s unwavering patience and sunny disposition.

But there Nancy stands, suffering alone in a bubble of Dakota’s wailing and her own stubbornness. Well, not totally alone. Ben’s upstairs getting his stuff and Annie’s sipping a glass of water in the kitchen, watching as Nancy continues to bounce the shrieking baby-shaped monster on her hip. It wasn’t working five minutes ago when Annie first arrived to pick Ben up and it’s certainly not working now. Annie’s tried to help, she really has, but Nancy’s made it abundantly clear over the past six months that she’d rather stab herself in the eyeball than accept parenting advice from Annie.

And Annie gets it, she does. But according to Ben’s texts this has been going on for hours now, days even, and Annie’s pretty sure that one of their nosy, uptight, nanny-having neighbors is going to call the cops or child services if the screaming doesn’t stop soon.

“Do you want me to-” she tries, but Nancy cuts her off with a glare.

“He’s just teething.” She doesn’t look at Annie when she rasps it out, just pushes a drawer closed with more force than is necessary, then opens the one next to it, only to shove it closed as well when she doesn’t find what she’s looking for. Annie’s not sure she’s actually looking for anything, thinks she’s probably just trying to keep her hands busy so she doesn’t do something she’ll regret. It’s heartbreaking in its own way and Annie wonders if Nancy would accept her help even if she hadn’t slept with her husband, wonders if Nancy doesn’t want help period or if she just doesn’t want Annie’s help. Doesn’t really matter anyway. Dakota’s got some impressive pipes on him and he seems hellbent on letting everybody know.

The doorbell rings and Nancy pauses — her free hand hovering in front of another drawer — to scowl at Annie, like maybe she’s responsible for it, like maybe it’s for her.

All Annie can do is lift her shoulders and shake her head, because really, how is she supposed to respond to that. The doorbell chimes again, the sound just barely audible over Dakota’s wailing, and Annie’s about to go see who it is, just to escape Nancy’s withering look, when Nancy thrusts Dakota at her.

“Just… try not to cause any more damage while I’m gone,” she says, which is totally unfair (see: Annie is good with babies!) but the tension in Nancy’s face has loosened, if only a little, like she’s grateful for any excuse to give herself a break, so Annie keeps her mouth shut and accepts the howling infant with a nod.

Nancy doesn’t waste any time, rushing out of the kitchen, towards the door, the second Annie’s got a grip on Dakota. She doesn’t judge her though. There’d be cartoon clouds of dust in her wake too if she’d been dealing with this for days on end.

“Teething, huh?” Annie says to Dakota’s angry red face, moving to the drawer full of dish towels she watched Nancy open and bang shut. “That explains the drool. Well that and your genetic heritage. I can’t fix your genes, kid, sorry, but maybe I can help you cool your jets.”

She grabs a blue and white checkered towel, dabbing it underneath his chin in a futile attempt to mop up some of the drool. It doesn’t make a difference; spit’s just going to keep dribbling from his mouth, at least as long as he’s still wailing, so she grabs a piece of ice from the built-in tray in the freezer and wraps it in the towel. It takes a few tries to get it past the grubby little fingers he has jammed into his mouth, but once she does, the unexpected cold sensation is enough to shock him out of his screams. One of his hands remains planted in his mouth alongside the ice, but the other comes up to clutch at Annie’s hand holding the towel. He hasn’t stopped crying, not exactly; his breathing is shuttered and he’s making soft whimpering sounds, but the shrieking is — mercifully — gone.

“Pretty awesome stuff, huh?” she says, hiking him up higher on her hip when he starts to slip. He watches her with a look that can only be described as weary as he gnaws on the ice, like he knows she’s not his caregiver but he’s not ready to acknowledge it, still too distraught from the whole teeth breaking through his gums situation to deal with another crisis.

“Where’s Nancy?”

Annie looks up to see Ben standing at the edge of the kitchen with his backpack already slung over his shoulders, duffel bag sitting at his feet. His shirt is looking a little tight across his shoulders and jeez, didn’t Annie just buy it? How is it already too small? She makes a mental note to go to Goodwill later, to see if she can find any men’s tees that she can pass off as retro, instead of just cheap.

“She went to get the door,” Annie tells him, rotating the ice in Dakota’s mouth just enough to keep him occupied with it.

Ben glances in the direction of the front door and a crease appears between his eyebrows, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s making that face that Annie knows means there’s something he wants to say but he’s not sure if he should.

“Spit it out, kid,” she teases but the furrow between Ben’s eyebrows just deepens. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, hands gripping the straps of his backpack where they rest on his chest.

“I think she’s having a hard time,” he says, finally. And yeah, no shit Annie thinks, even as a pang shoots through her chest. She remembers those few days of Ben crying before she figured out how to soothe his colic; it was heartbreaking, made her feel like the worst person in the world.

“You weren’t exactly a picnic yourself when you were teething,” she says, trying to keep it light but Ben just shakes his head.

“No, it’s-” he tries, but can’t seem to find the words. The concern on his face is enough to dredge some up in Annie, along with memories of her mom crying for weeks on end before finally slipping into bed and staying there, of a dead-eyed Beth only holding Jane when someone put her in her arms. She swallows down her concern to offer Ben a smile of reassurance.

“You know what? Why don’t you go back up to your room and do some homework? Don’t even try to pretend you don’t have, like, a mental list of all the chapters you want to go crazy on with your highlighter, okay? Besides, I’ve been meaning to get in some quality bonding with this guy and you’re, like, always trying to monopolize my time, you know? Little dude’s never gonna learn to share if you keep setting a bad example.”

The corner of Ben’s mouth lifts. Not a smile, just an acknowledgement of Annie’s gesture.

“Thanks, mom,” he says, picking up his duffel bag and turning back to the stairs.

And, well, now Annie’s alone in her ex-husband’s kitchen, holding his baby, while his wife is nowhere to be found and he’s at work. But it’s fine. It’s totally fine.

Annie gives Nancy another fifteen minutes to pull herself together before she goes looking.

She finds Nancy sitting alone in Dakota’s nursery with her face in her hands, one of which is clutching a single yellow bootie. The room is eerily quiet, save for the sound of Dakota snuffling around the towel and ice, and Annie shifts uncomfortably, unsure of how to proceed. She just wanted to make sure Nancy was okay, but now that she’s standing in front of her hunched form, she’s not sure what to say, knows she’s the last person in the world Nancy would find comfort in. She’s about to back out of the room, leave Nancy to her solitude now that she knows she hasn’t, like, fallen down the stairs or anything, when Nancy pulls her face out of her hands and looks right at her.

“I can’t do it.” It’s nothing like the first time she said it, back when she was sitting in a pool of her own disgusting fluids, unable to hold it together, every emotion bubbling to the surface, hurt and fear spilling over. This time it’s just a statement, matter-of-fact. But that’s what scares Annie— the lack of emotion, the resignation. It feels too much like an ending, the kind that leaves more than one child with a lifetime of issues.

“Do what?” she asks, afraid she already knows the answer, but still not ready to hear Nancy say it.

And Nancy just… she just tosses the bootie in the small hamper sitting next to the changing table like it means nothing, like she feels nothing, and Annie has to look away, has to physically will the panic bubbling in her chest back down.

Nancy sighs and says, “Fight you. I can’t do it anymore.”

And what? Annie’s head snaps back over to Nancy, making sure she heard that right and Nancy just leans back in the rocking chair, flinging one hand out in front of her to gesture at where Annie’s still standing with Dakota propped on her hip.

“I can’t compete.”

It’s so absurd and so completely unexpected that Annie doesn’t even know how to reply. The relief flowing through her is quickly replaced with an unfamiliar feeling, one she can’t quite identify. It settles uncomfortably in her chest and the longer she stands there staring back at Nancy’s resigned face, the deeper the harder it is to ignore.

Here’s the thing— Annie’s really good with babies, kids too, but she’s shit at pretty much everything else that matters, all the things Nancy’s good at. Like paying bills and keeping the house clean and making dinner and… well, personal hygiene. Annie’s self-aware enough to recognize that she only showered this morning because she knew Ben was coming home. Nancy, on the other hand… even now, defeated and exhausted, still looks like she smells of roses or Chanel No 5 or whatever expensive perfume it is that Annie always gets a whiff of when they’re in the same room. Even Nancy’s messy bun with errant strands of hair falling down her neck looks soft and clean. And her skin.. it’s always perfect, of course it is. It has to be. And that’s… well that’s not the point.

The point is that they both have their strengths and weaknesses.

“I’m bad at a lot of things,” she offers, because she doesn’t know what else to say, and at the very least it elicits an emotion, even if it is one of disdain, from Nancy who throws her hands up in the air.

“Believe me, I know.”

“Okay—” Annie starts, a little offended despite herself, but Nancy waves a hand, dismissive.

“It doesn’t matter. My husband still wants to fuck you anyway.”

And oh.

Okay, this is about that.

Annie lets her gaze fall to the ground as she shifts her weight. Her arms are getting tired from holding Dakota whose eyelids are getting heavier and heavier. The ice has melted completely but he seems content to just let the towel sit there in his mouth while he fights to keep his eyes open. It’s a losing battle.

Annie doesn’t know what to say, not about Gregg. She still hasn’t said anything when Nancy sighs, standing up and gesturing for her to hand Dakota back over. He goes willingly, immediately nestling against Nancy’s chest, one hand still jammed into his mouth, the other tucked in between her body and his.

Nancy rests her cheek on his head and that unfamiliar feeling in Annie’s chest settles a little deeper, and now she can finally place it.

It’s affection.

For Nancy.

Annie feels affection for her.

She wants Nancy to be okay, not just because she’s a person, but because she’s Nancy.

It’s.. new.

Except it isn’t, not really.

Because it was there when Nancy was on her couch, venting about her marriage and her friends and her life. It was there when Nancy was clutching at Annie’s arms, wrapped tight around her chest, just trying to get through the horrors of child birth when she thought her life was falling apart around her. It was there the next time she saw Nancy, with a whole boob out, trying to get Dakota to latch on, mumbling something about normalizing breastfeeding and instagram hashtags and really, it’s been there ever since. It’s just that it feels impossible to ignore right now as Annie watches Nancy sway back and forth with Dakota, lulling him into a restful sleep, one hand propped under his butt, the other rubbing soothing circles into his back.

Without even thinking Annie reaches out to tuck an errant strand of hair that’s fallen in Nancy’s face behind her ear. Nancy freezes, her blue eyes snapping up to meet Annie’s, and fuck why did she do that?

She steps back, clearing her throat, and shoves her traitorous hand into her pocket.

“I’m just gonna go get Ben and we’ll be out of your hair.”

Nancy doesn’t say anything, just watches as Annie retreats.

And yeah, Annie’s mortified, but–

But.

The way Nancy’s expression turns from surprise to confusion to something else is going to play on repeat in Annie’s mind for weeks.

Fuck.

#anonymous #replies #annienancy #nbc good girls #annie x nancy #mp #my fic #wow i really cant make words happen on these meds #i'm in love with the concept but the execution... whew #anyway i hope this is at least sufficient and you can still enjoy it

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crossovereddie · 5 years ago

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Thoughts on S10xE12: THE WEDDING

Okay so y’all know how this is gonna go. A lot of tears. A lot of screaming via caps lock. And of course it wouldn’t be complete without a lot of “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH” and pet names for Mickey. Enjoy.

Let’s get non related gallavich things out of the way because I don’t wanna finish this on a downer

I actually love Liam/Frank scenes

Debbie finally getting what she deserves? Good

Tami is a fucking bitch

Entitled little brat

You won’t change my mind about this

Don’t even try defending her

You NEVER use someone’s child against them.

Don’t threaten to take Fred away then be shocked that Lip ruined his sobriety

I just kept repeating “please no” when he paused before taking that first sip

It fucking hurt so much

Lip deserves BETTER

Tami is toxic. End of. Period.

Now let’s bring up the mood!!

Liam looking at the tuxes was so cute

He’s so confused

Mickey actually chose a white tux for himself :((((((

My snow angel🥺

Everyone checking on Ian is so sweet

Carl’s toe nail clippings “you picking those up” 😂😂😂

Ian really hates that shit doesn't he

I'm so proud of him for taking his meds

GIVE ME THOSE PHOTOS

"Savings" lmao

Baby got fancy for his wedding

HIS FACE I CANT😂😂😂

They shower together :((((

“Those are nice right?”

Fashionista Mickey making another comeback

Unpopular opinion but I love seeing his Ian tattoo on his chest ON THEIR WEDDING DAY

chin touch :(

So soft. So sweet.

THE WAY IAN GRABS HIM YES BITCH

THE GRUNT 🤤🤤🤤

HEIGHT DIFFERENCE FUCK

MICKEY IS T I N Y!!!!

TOWEL

NECK KISS

FUCK

I fucking hate terry

I need him dead because my baby isn’t safe until he is

His little “what?” 😩

HE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER

GET HIM BABY

But like don’t because I need you free

Can sandy poison terry or something?

Sandy 😂😂

This scene was sad because my poor baby but so early shameless I love it

Carl and the beer trilogy 😂😂😂

“I don’t wanna get married where my shoes stick to the floor”

GIVE THE PRINCE HIS ROYAL WEDDING

The spinal cord line 😂😂😂

Mickey’s a Gallagher I don’t care what their last name is

HERE COME THE TEARS AGAIN

“Why is Mickey handcuffed?”

“Terry fucking wins again” NO BABY

MY FUCKING HEART

ILL GIVE YOU ALL THE HALLOWEEN CANDY TO FILL YOUR LITTLE TUMMY BABY BOY

I WANNA BUY YOU ALL THE CHRISTMAS GIFTS YOU WANT

LET ME ADOPT YOU

IM SO FUCKING SAD FOR HIM

HE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER

“I love you. I love you” 😭😭😭😭😭

“This son of a bitch is never gonna let me be happy” IM SOBBING ALL OVER AGAIN

In so little words Lip really said “Mickey Milkovich deserves the wedding of his dreams and we’re gonna make it happen if it’s the last thing I do”

Did anyone else start singing Carrie Underwood when Ian said “Louisville slugger”

The Gallagher’s love Mickey so much

I LOVE MICKEY SO MUCH

IAN FUCKING LOVES MICKEY SO MUCH

“Mickey might have to marry Debbie instead of Ian”

“Nice polish boy named Michael” LMAO

I love Lip

OKAY THIS SCENE KILLED ME

The way Mickey is looking at Ian melts my heart

Again their height difference murdered me

YOU WANT KIDS?

K I D S

IAN WANTS KIDS WITH MICKEY BUT WE ALREADY KNEW THAT

FUCK HIS DREAM FROM THE ICONIC DELETED SCENE IS COMING TRUE

IF THEY DONT HAVE KIDS NEXT SEASON IM RIOTING

I like when they make fun of each other because they are literally best friends forever

THEIR SMILES

MILKOVICH

GALLAGHER

BUT WHICH ONE IS IT NOW

Ian is obsessed with holding mickey’s neck

THUMB

MY BOYS LOOK SO HANDSOME IN THEIR TUXEDOS

Mickey trying to be nice to this lady 😂😂

I LOVE HIS VOICE

They have mutual friends and I’m fond

I told y’all it’s the little things that get me

“Chiavari chairs look nice” “I like how the gold catches the light” DONE

The cake topper I NEED IT

I HATE TERRY I HATE TERRY I HATE TERRY

The lip and Ian scene made me cry again

THE SONG

IAN YOU SAP

HE LOVES MICKEY SO MUCH

As soon as I heard the first cords of the song I IMMEDIATELY bursted into sobs

IM CRYING AGAIN

MY LONELY DAYS ARE OVER 😭😭😭

Once again I’m beyond jealous of sandy

I wanna walk my baby down the aisle 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HES SO CUTE FUCK

IM HONESTLY NOT OKAY

THE NIGHT I LOOKED AT YOU

I DIDNT KNOW THIS SONG WAS GONNA HURT SO MUCH

HEIGHT DIFFERENCE AGAIN IM SO BLESSED

It’s like even more noticeable this episode right?????

TINY AND TALL

BLACK HAIR AND RED HAIR

BLUE EYES AND GREEN EYES

WHITE TUX AND BLACK TUX

TOUGH AND SOFT

THEY COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE

Kev was so funny finally

GET HIS HOMOPHOBIC ASS GAY JESUS SQUAD

When they kept singing even after he pulled his gun I cried so hard

I’m crying again wtf

THE VOWS FUCK

TO BE MY HUSBAND

IM FULL ON UGLY CRYING I CANT EVEN SEE THE SCREEN

I IAN TAKE YOU MICKEY TO BE MY HUSBAND

FUCK THIS HURTS SO MUCH

AFTER ALL THE SHIT THEYVE BEEN THROUGH THEYRE GIVING THEMSELVES TO EACH OTHER IN THE PUREST WAY POSSIBLE

“Now?” “Yes now” HE WAS SO EAGER AND SHOCKED THAT THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE SINCE HE WAS A KID IS NOW HIS HUSBAND

We got to see the smitten lovesick Ian Gallagher from s1 again

HES NEVER STOPPED BEING SMITTEN AND LOVESICK BY MICKEY

Honestly same

Not gonna lie, seeing frank emotional made me even more emotional

MICKEYS SMILE COULD LIGHT THE WORLD

MY SON IS ACUALLY MY SUN

THE HAND HOLDING IS SO CUTE

THEYRE ACTUALLY MARRIED

HUSBANDS!!!!!

IAN SO PROUD HAVING HIS BABY ON HIS ARM

YES MICKEY IS IANS BABY FIGHT ME

IM SO FUCKING HAPPY

MICKEY DANCING IS THE CUTEST THING IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE

“I miss mom” that hurt a lot more than I thought it ever would

I’m glad they mentioned Monica. Ian loved her so much

YOURE REALLY GONNA PLAY PERFECT RIGHT NOW FUCK YOU

“I should probably go dance with my husband” THATS YOUR HUSBAND CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

The head neck tuck 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THE WAY THEYRE HOLDING EACH OTHER LIKE THEY NEVER WANNA LET GO

“We were just kids when we fell in love not knowing what it was I will not give you up this time” FUCK WHOEVER PICKED THIS SONG YOU WIN

I actually hate this song with a passion but suddenly I love it

LIKE THEYRE ACTUALLY SLOW DANCING

SLOW DANCING AT THEIR OWN WEDDING

IAN REALLY HAD TO DO THE NECK GRAB WITH THE THUMB RUB COMBO JUST TO KILL ME DIDNT HE

THEYRE SO IN LOVE IVE NEVER SEEN A LOVE THIS DEEP BEFORE (and I’m fucking married to the love of my life/high school sweetheart lmao)

Liam getting the car for them was the sweetest thing

He opens the car for Ian :((((

HE HOPS INTO THE CAR MY LITTLE BUNNY

Frank is genuinely happy for them and that fucks me up so much

THEY REALLY HAD TO USE RED SHEETS HUH

THEY KNEW IT WOULD FUCK US ALL UP EVEN MORE THAN WE ALREADY ARE

The soft touches are always my favorite

They make my heart flutter

“Morning Mr. Gallavich” OKAY SAY WHAT YOU WANT BUT THAT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY FUCKING CUTE

“Morning Mr......Millogher?” THE CUTENESS WONT STOP

Mickey physically cannot stop caressing Ian

THE THUMBS ALWAYS GET ME

Like I actually look for them knowing they’re gonna be doing the thumb rub

Fucking terry

BUT THEY LOOK SO CUTE COVERED IN FEATHERS

There Mickey goes again with the Ian caressing

in case you forgot: THEYRE MARRIED

HUSBANDS

I can’t believe this actually happened. They’re actually MARRIED. After everything they/we have been through....wow. I’m still in shock. I’m still crying my eyes out. Now I’m gonna go cuddle up with my husband and make him watch the episode with me since he finally has time. I’m over emotional. It’s not fair that they wait until I’m pregnant to let Mickey be happy. It’s like they enjoy my uncontrollable sobs. Leave me your thoughts! I wanna talk about this episode forever.

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trylenareborn · 5 years ago

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Just A Drink During Quarantine| Doctor!PoexReader

A/N: Yes, I wrote Part 2 of Doctor!Poe... I don't know how it happened...

Part 1

Warnings: SMUT, Bad writing...

You took a cold shower and got dress again, the rest of the day passing pretty fast thanks to all the work. You and Poe saw each other a couple of times but always in rooms full of people as you were working. He always managed to wink at you and smile for you even across the room.

When your shift was over you walk outside before you feel a hand on yours.

“Hey…” He says casually smirking at you. “Do you want to grab a drink?”

“Poe, everything is close…” You remind him giggling.

“Who said something about a bar?” He teases walking back as he holds your hand. “Maybe I got something in my place if you will join me…” The look in his eyes shows you all the dirty things he has in his mind.

“Okay but you better have something good.” You say following him to his motorcycle. You have already traveled in it with him but this time felt different when you put your arms around him. Your hands resting on his abdomen as he starts the bike and drives off to his place.

You have already been there a couple of times so you get comfortable pretty quickly, leaving your stuff aside and sitting on the couch to wait for him. He joins you with your favorite snack, a beer, and your favorite soda. You look surprised at him.

“I always have your favorites for when you come to study… “ He blushes sitting down beside you and turning the tv on. You two stay in silence as a movie plays but any of you are paying attention to it.

“So…” You start looking down. “How was your shift?” You try to make small talk. His eyes move back to you.

“It was pretty good, had a great coffee break. Got something sweet to try for the first time” His words make you blush hard. “I hope I can get more of that treat soon.” You finally look at him. Your eyes meet his and before you know you both move to meet in a passionate kiss.

His tongue dominates yours but you push him back to the couch and straddle his legs cupping his face to kiss him again. His hand won’t stay still wanting to feel all your body. You are quick to take his shirt off and start kissing your way down his neck to his chest. “Maybe I should taste you this time,” You said against his skin making him groan and move his hips against you. His reaction making you want to do it more.

Softly you mark his neck with hickies as you open his pants moving to kneel in front of him. His chest rises and moves down quickly with his hard breaths. “Poe, look at me…” You say and wait until his eyes are on you. You finally take his cock out and lick him from the base to the head, eyes lock in his until he closes them and throws his head back.

He looked so good in this state. Out of control. Not the classic relax but cocky attitude you are used to seeing on him.

You work on putting all you can of him inside your mouth but as you usually don’t do that you decide to add a little extra by fondling his balls in your hands knowing all the weak points thanks to med school. His hips buck and one of his hands moves to the top of your head as you hear him groan above you. “That feels really good…”

With each movement of your head to take a bit more of him and he starts to move his hips chasing your mouth. “I am close, sweetheart... “ He warns you thinking you would pull away but you just work him harder until you feel him in your mouth. You drink all of him before standing and sitting beside him.

“Wow…” He pants putting his hand on your leg. “Why did I wait for so long with you?”

“Great question…” You tease looking at him feeling really powerful to leave him in this state. He finally looks at you with a smile and moves to kiss you before both of your phone rings.

Both of you jump to pick up. It was your boss, Din Djarin. “Y/N, did you had contact with the girl in bed 6? Small trauma in her arm?” He asks quickly.

“Yeah, just a big bruise on her arm.” You answer turning to see Poe talking with his boss.

“Did they inform you they were in quarantine after traveling back from Europe a couple of days ago?”

“Oh, Fuck no!” You curse.

“You are in quarantine from now on. 2 weeks. Call if you have any symptoms” He cuts the call and you leave your phone aside. Poe hangs his own call and looks at you. “I am in quarantine” You inform him.

“Me too. Organa saw us and asked me how close we were”

“Well, I cant go back to my apartment now. I can’t get my roommates sick.” You complain sitting on the couch again.

“That means you will have to stay here…” He says with a smile and you look at him. He is right, you are both quarantined and it’s safer to stay together during it.

“Are you okay with it?” You asked.

He sits beside you, his cock still out of his pants. “Are you kidding?” He takes your hand and puts it on his cock. “Now I can have you in each inch of this place as I have dreamed about…” You feel him twitch in your hand.

“So this will be a good two weeks then…” You smirk before kissing him again.

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #Doctor!Poe x reader #Doctor!Poe #poe dameron smut #is just a bj

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years ago

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Med Series Rewatch (#17)

S3 E17: The Parent Trap.

Episode description: After a 10-year-old boy is admitted to the hospital, Dr. Manning and Dr. Halstead disagree on how to best handle the boys parents.

Oh, joy.

Let’s get into it.

- emily is still amazingly adorable

- ava getting a huge bouquet of flowers, and smiling proudly when she tells connor (cue all those hcs of sarah sending her flowers. can you imagine?)

- connor teasing her for it - “The enchanting Dr. Bekker.”

- them teasing each other is something I live for, that also makes me anxious

- CORNELIUS SENDING HER THE FLOWERS??? oh hell no

- the way her face drops when she realizes they’re from his dad ew gross

- her trying to hide her grin again. or at least smiling small - she’s uncomfy but at least connor is also uncomfy

- SHE’S BEEN SEEING HIM??? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???? EXCUSE ME??? WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER THIS?

- her smiling sympathetically as he walks away

- SORRY, CAN WE GO BACK? SHE’S BEEN SEEING HIM? EXCUSE ME?

‘You’ve been seeing him?’

‘Is that a problem?’

EXCUSE ME?

WHY DID SHE NOT DENY IT?

HELLOOOOO?

- i cant stop thinking about it

- pls no. please god no. i don’t ask for much

- she’s getting close to him so she can murder him and take his money

- I wish I could say that and have it be a joke, and not some sort of prophecy

- oh god.........

- anyway

- she’s getting coffee with him??? What?

- her small, polite, thank you, which was nothing more than polite.

- she is not enjoying this, but, she sticks to her word. chivalrous, perhaps? hmm... i’ll get back to you. let me figure out what this interaction is about

- lol yeah. Ava get that funding

- she does what she has to do (don’t read into that. read into that and I’ll cut you)

- i can’t believe cornelius just tried to slyly ask her to dinner. please no.

- I don’t think I like this episode.

- she made it about connor lmao

- I really am pausing it after every line cornelius has bc he does not deserve the right to speak

- NO DON’T TOUCH HER

- oh my god

- HOLD ON

- OKAY

- so you’re telling me they did this storyline again? in s4?

- like, right here, she turns him down. already. ‘strictly professional.’

- and then, they go back. and do it again? but worse?

- MED WRITERS WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING ON???

- this has got to be a joke are you fucking kidding me

- they are so fucking dumb

- ava being annoyed, disgusted, revolted at cornelius (and maybe even herself, like that is fucking disgusting) as she walks away

- ava also helping connor consult on sarah’s dad’s heart

- her confused face

- the way med keeps making sarah interact with people who have father issues

- the way reese empathizes with people!

- at least connor respects sarah (enough) giving her space and such

- wow! they let sarah intubate! yay!!!! I am actually so happy

- YESSSSS

- OMG SHE’S CALLING SHOTS

- dude honestly when’s the last time we say her do medicine? I love it so much

- look at her! calling shots?!!

- you fucking love to see it

- ava operating on sarah’s dad. interesting.

- OH MY GOD

- That’s like the seventh time ava has opened a door for connor. SHE DID IT AGAIN. I feel like i’m losing it

- god she has such a big vocabulary

- this is where connor outright says that ava is dating his dad and honestly, that’s so fucking funny??

- like he has fully accepted that they are dating. what the fuck

- connor: “It’s not that it’s my dad you’re dating. I wish you weren’t dating anyone at all.” He is so fucking dumb???

- also that’s how the writers wanted the big ‘connor admits his feelings’ moment? with the other man being his father? WHAT THE FUCK??

- this episode is so stupid

- if they kiss here I am going to flip my shit I am going to get so mad

- this scene gives me anxiety

- i literally have no clue what they’re going to do next

- if she admits she likes him I am literally going to fight someone

- i can’t

- okay that was actually really good

- her making him go insane by making him think she’s dating his father? weird but hey it fucking worked. I love how she just doesn’t give him anything. so much crap. do y’all realize how much I love her?

Okay this episode was fucking weird. I was half scared of the Ava Cornelius thing, just the entire thing was wack.

The only major thing is THIS IS LITERALLY A DIRECT CONTRAST TO S4 EVENTS? LIKE WHAT? so in this, ava refuses to go out with Corny for money and in s4... oh come on writers. S4 is literally just trying to imitate the good storylines of s3, psychopathy, cornelius. what the fuck

Ava playing with connor’s emotions? we love to see it, but at what cost. Also the fact that connor literally did the ‘i wish you weren’t dating anyone’ thing and Ava said ‘nah’? That’s very big. and considering there are 3 episodes left, the chances of any real rh*kker happening in this season is slim, which is fantastic for me.

this episode was mostly just proving how ooc s4 really was. I mean really, come on.

Okay boys! the next episode is This Is Now! the shooting episode. This one is a big one for obvious reasons (first and only reesker interaction, ava interacting with other people) it’s just fantastic. should be exciting.

thanks for sticking with it

#chicago med #med rewatch series #mine #the parent trap

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yournameoverandover · 5 years ago

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FOLKLORE: 1st Listen

1. The 1 - “I’m on some new shit” Love the production ooooo..... “If you never bleed then you’re never gonna grow.” Why does this remind me of HAYLOR?!?!!? Omg my heart. “It woulda been fun if you woulda been the one” Wow!!!!!! “And if my wishes came true it woulda been you” Wowowowowow!!!!!! WHAT AN OPENER

2. Cardigan - High heels on cobblestones what an IMAGE. I love her range here omg. “Baby kiss it better, Iiiiiiiii” I LOVE the breathiness of it. A friend to all is a friend to none, you tell em girl!!!! This song is so COZY I just feel like war, and soft listening to it. So much piano. “You drew stars around my scars but now I’m bleeding.” So softttt “Leaving like a father” 🥺🥺🥺 “These hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me// I knew you’d come back to me”

3. The last great American dynasty - Ok I was not excited for this one. The initial synth is interesting. Rebecca who tf is Rebecca? Saint Louis and Bill? This is specific.... Hmmmm okay I see a trend of blaming women. THE RHODE ISLAND SET HOLLA!!!! Dali?! Hmmm maddest, shameless now... What’s the twist in the bridge tell me? OMG IS THAT HER HOUSE!!! AHHHHHHH YES OMG!!!!! Loudest yessss! LITERALLY A SOMG ABOUT HER HOUSE I CANT. I like this chorus so much

4. Exile - I’m stoked for this one. Mucho piano. Omgggggg the vocals well done Bon Iver!!!!! “You’re not my homeland anymore” BROKEN HEART. “Now I’m in exile seeing you out.” There’s the title... Balancing on breaking branches :( “I’m not your problem anymore, so who am I offending now.” Awww “you were my crown” proceeds the exile line, that’s so sad and beautiful like THEY WERE ROYALTY IN LOVE. I love this interplay of perspectives holy shit this bridge. Her voice is so delicate and his is so strong they are just CHEFS KISS together!!!!! Like sneaking out a movie theater? This album is PERFECT for midnight release. I am obsessed with the ending of this song OMG. J’adore.

5. My tears ricochet - Ok time for track five I am not ready. Ooo floaty vocals me gusta. Omg it’s like a wake?? I love how she says loved you, cause I loved you. It’s almost British. Oooo SAVING FACE BURN GIRL. “You know I didn’t want to have to haunt you.” This is so prettyyyyyyyyy. It’s like Clean gets a whole album! “Just not home”. “Miss me in your bones.” “Stolen lullabies” THESE IMAGES LIKE WHAT. Not sure where the title fits in with the other story like if she’s dead how is she crying? Does he just not really care? Is he a robot? Hm. Much to think about

6. Mirrorball - TRACK 6 mirrorball. PLEASE be about the outfit to end all outfits! Kidding. Definitely not lol. This sounds like a middle school slow dance song.... shining just for you 😍 definitely a middle school slow dance song. “I can change everything about me to fit in.” Ouch Taylor. This is like the softest thing and also the saddest thing how she feels she has to try to keep his attention the whole time. I wasn’t expecting it to be sad?!

7. Seven - Aptly named seven. Ok we’re not waiting here let’s go. This has a little strummy country vibe? “Are there still beautiful things” powerful question. “Passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long”. This feels like a song about her childhood. I really like this melody. It’s so gentle and pretty 😍

8. August - {WOW APPLE MUSIC WAY TO CATCH UP WITH THE FUCKING WORLD I HATE YOU. Okay we’re back!!!} Salt air?! I already love it. And rusty doors. Yes. Okay my birthday feels safe. “August sipped away like a bottle of wine cause you were never mine”🥺. Wait this is like happy retrospective WHEN WE WERE STILL CHANGING FOR THE BETTER, FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL. “I can see us lost in a memory, august slipped away in a memory, cause it was never mine” this is so freaking ethereal and pretty. And she is repeating the hope of it all?! Inject this directly into my veins ughhhhh

9. This is me trying - “I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back” I love how she has all these images of bumbling and fumbling and puts it next to her saying she is trying, working on that communication. “I got wasted like all my potential. My words shoot to kill when I’m bad” Wait I have so many amazing lyrics I can’t even keep up with it what is happening. “It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you”

10. Illicit affairs - curious about this title???? What’s going to happen. Oooo a sneaky love thing going on. “Clandestine meetings and longing stares”. LITTLE DEATH TAYLOR SWIFT I SEE YOU LE PETIT MORT. “Dwindling mercurial high”?! Damn girl!!! Ooo okay no more orgasm things, just about lies now. Death to lies. “You showed me colors I can’t see with anyone else” “you taught me secret language I can’t speak with anyone else” Wait is it over?! The sudden endings WOW.

11. Invisible string - I keep hearing all these colors and all I can thing is RED. “Invisible string tying you to me”. I just LOVE all these pretty floating songs! “She said I look like an American singer” Omg I wonder if this is about her meeting joe IT IS IT IS THE DIVE BAR IS BACK. “One single thread of gold” ugh I love the running themes this woman uses! “Now I send their babies presents 😍” “hell was the journey but it brought me heaven” I LOVE THIS SONG OMG

12. Mad woman - I’ve been so curious about this OKAY!!!!!! TAYLOR SWIFT SAID FUCK IT HAPPENED. “Every time you call me crazy I get more crazy what about that?” “No one likes a mad woman YOU MADE HER LIKE THAT” OH MY GODDDDDD YES TELL THEM TAYLOR. “Doing your dirtiest work for you” holy SHIT Taylor this is scooter’s call out song and I LOVE THIS I LOVE THIS. “I’m taking my time because you took everything from me, watching you climb over people like me” I CANT KEEP UP TAYLOR THIS IS SO SHARP OMG and the dRUMS MY SOUL LEFT MY BODY

13. Epiphany - WHEW okay lots I’m still processing so epiphany whatcha got?! “Something med school did not cover, someone’s daughter, someone’s mother.” Omg aNOTHER HOSPITAL SONG SERIOUSLY Taylor baby no :((((( “you dream of some epiphany, just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen” I wonder if this is for nurses and caregivers?

14. Betty - oh HELLO harmonica!!!!! Is this one of the love triangle songs? TAYLOR SAID FUCK AGAIN TWICE IN ONE ALBUM! I WAS NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS!!!!! I like the melody in this though, it’s so pretty and it reminds me of her older stuff! WAIT FUCK IS IN THE CHORUS SO SHE’S SAYING IT A LOT AHHHHH. “A figment of my worst intentions” omgggggg what a great line?! Okay wait this has SO MANY CARDIGAN PARALLELS AT THE END THIS IS ONE OF THE THREE. SO IS CARDIGAN what is #3?!

15. Peace - interesting starting song hmmmmmmmm. Sounds more bluesy! “Our coming of age is come and gone.” So she can’t give peace- “I would die for you in secret, the devil’s in the details but you got a friend in me.” This song is really hitting a lot tbh. “It’s like I’m wasting your honor.” Taylor this is sad 🥺 “the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me”

16. Hoax - hOW are we already at the end?! I like the super gentle piano in the back. “Your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in. Don’t want no other shade of blue but you.” She’s so vulnerable and this is really hard to listen to. Love was just as hard as when they pulled you apart?

Physical Album Update on (TBD)

1. The lakes

#folklore #my thoughts #first listen #i feel many things #taylor swift #ts8 at midnight

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revol-lover · 5 years ago

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i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok.

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though.

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend.

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020 but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic.

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

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rosyredlipstick · 7 years ago

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a few weeks ago I begged @chargebolt-voltage to read Check! Please and they, amazingly, agreed and since then we’ve been screaming about it in our messages (with a heavy addition of all for the game content ofc) anyways i promised them a fic rec list so here we are

FICS UNDER THE CUT

at least it was here - @tallykale

Summary:

Eric Bittle never really envisioned himself ending up at Greendale Community College. (Most people at Greendale never envisioned themselves ending up there, for that matter.) But he’s here now, so he may as well make the best of a bad hand. He’s got a fresh life in Colorado, he’s probably going to pass French this year, and he never has to think about hockey or home again if he doesn’t want to. What really comes out of left field is the study group. (Community crossover/AU where life takes the scenic route and everyone meets at Greendale instead of Samwell. As per Greendale tradition, shenanigans ensue. Runs parallel to season 2 of Community, if you pretend that's set in 2015 and not 2010.)

This is seriously one of my favorite CP fics I’ve ever read! The characterization is amazing, and I seriously adore how the relationships slowly build (and so realistically too!) I had never watched Community when I read this fic but this convinced to bingewatch three seasons in a week and half just so I could reread and catch all the references. Amazing!

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a tale of love and how it finds you - nightswatch // @zimmermaenner

Summary:

Bitty sees Jack Zimmermann almost every morning, but he’s never said a single word to him. Honestly, Jack Zimmermann probably doesn’t even know that he exists.

God, this is SUCH goodie! Every once in awhile I end up rereading this fic like I don’t know EXACTLY what’s gonna happen AND EVERY TIME IT’S AS GOOD AS THE FIRST HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!!! IT IS WITH THIS FIC!! Such a good meet-cute I wanna die.

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like a handprint on my heart - the_one_that_fell // @alphacrone

Summary:

"Dude, we've got an over-competitive golf dad, a badass art freak, a pre-med lax bro on the verge of a breakdown, a chronically naked rugby player, a beat-boxing giant, and an itty-bitty, baking figure skater - there's no way we came together accidentally. This was fate."

"Or it's the normal progression of human beings making friends. Chill out, bro."

(Or, the one where no one plays hockey, but it still manages to bring them all together.)

THIS IS SUCH AN UNDERRATED FIC THAT IM OBSESSED WITH! The bonding!!! They all come together so well??? I seriously love all the friendship here, and the development of relationships here is GREAT. Wow!!!

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Best Laid Plans Series - Euphorion

Summary:

"Dude," said Holster, his eyes huge, "that's so sad. We gotta get them together."

"This isn't a romcom, Holtzy, " Ransom said, patting his arm. "I'm sure that's not what Shitty had in mind."

"Actually," said Shitty, "that's exactly what I had in mind. And I've got a plan."

Pls read this entire series. The description is for the first fic in the series but honestly THEYRE ALL SUCH GOLDEN PIECES OF LITERATURE OMG

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jack zimmermann is a straight shooter - heyfightme // @heyfightme

Summary:

Bitty pats his shoulder consolingly with a distracted, “There, there.”

“I should’ve done a conference like PR suggested,” Jack mumbles, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “It got overshadowed by the game.”

“Oh, boo hoo, my four goals made people think I was good at hockey and distracted them from how gay I am.”

“It was against the Flyers though.” More mumbling.

Bitty makes a noise like pshaw, and says with long vowels, “Quietly confident, sure mister.”

---

jack tries his hardest to come out in a way that is noticeable but not over the top. he is, it turns out, much too subtle.

This is SUCH QUALITY CHARACTER! God, this entire fic had me crackling into a pillow. Great humor!!

Note: You have to be logged in on ao3 to read this one!

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those walls i built (well baby they’re tumbling down) - seeingrightly // @ch3ry1b10ss0m

Summary:

“Well, I hope you gave that boy your phone number,” Suzanne says as soon as the door closes behind Jack, and Eric drops his head to the counter with a groan.

OH GOD this is ~~~~THE~~~~ KID FIC OMG. pls read. Pls pls pls. This is probably one of my most reread check please fic. There’s another kid fic that i cant find rn but if you love this one ill go searching!

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Bless this mess and call it a home - pepperfield // @pepperfield

Summary:

The thing is, being able to talk to houses doesn't actually preclude them from conspiring to ruin your life. Dex finds this out a little too late. First comes the Dib Flip, then Nursey's bed, and the water heater...the Haus definitely has it in for him. ~ In which Dex has house magic, Haus has Haus magic, and at least one of them is in love with Nursey.

The first nursey/dex fic on this list and omg. Omgggg. You GOTTA. This is SO GOOD. im a bitch for magic au, especially if there’s disgruntled pining. Wow. so good.

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crossed wires - lecrivaineanonyme // @lecrivaineanonyme

Summary:

Will snorts. "You are unreal,” he says, shaking his head. “I’ve had people in here crying because they downloaded a virus that can be removed in two minutes, and here you are with pie-filling in your computer, joking about how at least you didn’t fucking put rice in it.”

Derek grins. “It’s chill,” he replies, scratching the back of his neck. “Why worry? I know you got my back.”

Also known as the one where Nursey is constantly fucking up his laptop and Dex is the lucky Best Buy employee who gets to fix it.

This was probably like, one of my very first nursey/dex fics and at this point I’ve probably read it like, 100000 times. SO GOOD! I adore nursey sooo much omg.

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the jack zimmermann interview series - heyfightme // @heyfightme

In the thick of one of the best debut seasons the NHL has ever seen, Providence Falconers rookie and former hockey child prodigy Jack Zimmermann is proving that second chances make all the difference.

We talked to the Falconers’ number one to find out what makes a successful comeback.

---

a series of revealing interviews in which jack breaks his press silence (with a definite agenda).

READ. THIS. THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY OMG. READDD!!!

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Authors I rec:

PorcupineGirl (AO3)

Nightswatch (AO3) // @zimmermaenner

the_one_that_fell (AO3) // @alphacrone

rosepetals42 (AO3) // @petals42

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These are some of my go-to top favs but trust me, this fandom is FULL of great works. hope y’ll enjoy! happy reading!

#chargebolt-voltage #check please #fic rec list #zimbits #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #william poindexter #derek nurse #nurseydex #i love this fandom

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zephyrinx · 7 years ago

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GLOOMVERSE RP (FANFIC??)

(Hey look a picture that’s totally not just to get people’s attention haha wow)

OKAY SO- A BUNCH of people have asked Neon (@neon--nightmare) and I to make this roleplay public for reading! So we finally decided to do it!

THIS IS THE ROLEPLAY FOR THE FIRST TIME WALLIS GLOOM AND FRESH MET FACE TO FACE IN THE GV DISCORD RP. And not.... Face to mouth? Uh. First time they met and interacted in separate bodies. Yep.

CONTEXT:

- Wallis and Fresh have been at this for months, so there's a LOT OF TENSION AND FEAR. Wallis has been possessed twice before, and in that time, got a look into Fresh's own headspace- He's a stubborn asshole, so he pressed at things, and Fresh let slip that he had lost someone very close to him.

-Fresh wants Wallis GONE because he won't give up and keeps challenging his fragile worldview. Wallis is stuck between wanting to be free of the parasite's near constant harassment, and wanting to HELP because he can tell how much Fresh is truly suffering. He feels as though a compromise would be getting him to leave, BY helping.

-Wallis and Purple are actually back together in this rp! It took like 4 months of near constant rp, but we got there! At the point in time that this RP took place, Wallis was staying at Purple's house recovering from the second possession. He’s... Pretty badly injured.

-Cake had also stolen his hat about a week or so prior, so he was totally defenseless! Geez, please help him...

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

-None of this is CANON!! This is just a RP between fans!! Fresh and Wallis belong to CQ, we just love them. A lot. Though we try to be as IC as possible, nothing that happened here is actually official canon!!

- This rp treats the events of the ‘loveball/time party’ (a rping event from a year or so ago that can be found in parts on @bestfresh90smess) as canon to Fresh's character! This is for the sake of development, and to help give context to some of the emotional problems he's currently having that have carried on from there! ‘Pacifrisk’ was Fresh's only true friend that he met at the Loveball and slowly grew to care about, but right when he was coming to terms with that (and wanting to protect them even when it had no benefit to him, something he couldn't comprehend) they were killed despite his protests.

-There's a lot more drama and context surrounding this, so some things may not make sense!! We've tried to make it as concise as possible, though!

-THIS RP HAPPENED IN THE GLOOMVERSE ROLEPLAY DISCORD!! It's applicant based only, but if you'd like to send in a form you can do so at @gloomversediscord !! OCs are welcome, too!!

So, yep! Please enjoy, and be nice!! :D

[ROLEPLAY UNDER READ-MORE]

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh crept into the dimly-lit room, closing the door softly behind him. He could barely believe he had gotten in so easily - Purple hadn't been around and the front door didn't even seem to have been locked properly. It seemed almost too easy after all his planning, but hey, he wasn't complaining! Wallis had been practically asking for it anyway, with his 'tough guy' act and with all the problems he'd been causing escalating recently. And now here he was, with Wallis asleep and injured right in front of him!

The parasite leaned over his defenseless body, his grin widening until it looked almost painful. The YOLO letters on his glasses glowed faintly in the dark, as he gave the propellor beanie a flick and nudged Wallis roughly. "Rise 'n shine, Brahllis!! Wouldn't wanna all up sleep in an miss ya best brah, wouldja~?"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis groans quietly, screwing up his face in response to the rude wake up call and pulling the blanket a little tighter around his shoulders. What the fuck, why was Purple trying to wake him up NOW?? He wasn't even hungry, and his pain was just a dull ache, surely the pain meds hadn't worn off yet.... Though, it was a bit weird- His groggy sleep-drunk mind slowly chugged along and processed the situation... Purple usually woke him up gently, and that voice... He replays it in his mind, until the garbled words finally made sense.

Wallis' eyes snap open, entire body immediately going rigid as his breathing stuttered to a complete halt for a second. His mind spun, chest aching just a little more- Oh no, no no no... He didn't look up. He didn't WANT to look up, and acknowledge the truth. This couldn't be happening.

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

The parasite smiled down at his terrified enemy over his shades, the cracked soul in his eye barely visible. "Glad ta see me again, homeslice~?" Fresh said in a dissonantly chipper tone, roughly grabbing Wallis's shoulders to prop him up and slip an arm tightly around his shoulders. "Cake slice wasn't lyin, brah, ya really letchaself go since da last time we all up had a friendly-like chat face ta face~!! Or would dat be thought-ta-thought or some junk?? Me ta ya?? Ah well, it ain't important anywho!!" The parasite gave Wallis' shoulder a quick squeeze, flicking a curl of hair on his forehead.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis' breath hitches as he's pulled up, unable to stop himself from hunching over and shuddering as that arm is slipped around him in an almost FRIENDLY manner- He knew better though, and the contact just felt like gasoline to the fire that was starting to flare up in his chest again. He instinctively leans away slightly, completely aware of how vulnerable he was like this. No hat, no wand, in a weakened state and already basically under control thanks to Fresh's grip on him. Was this the first time he'd ever seen the parasite in another form other than his own...? Either way, it was far too soon.

"I... I-" He chokes on his own words when Fresh squeezes his shoulder, flinching away from the hand that came towards his face. He doesn't even notice his own hand come up to lightly touch at his throat, curling into a loose fist there protectively. If he was possessed again... He seriously doubted his ability to escape in this condition. By this point, he was quite visibly shaking, eyes wide and staring down at his own lap, refusing to look at his tormentor still.

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh chuckled at Wallis' obvious discomfort, a harsh sound that contrasted sharply with his fake-cheerful manner. His hand moved over to the bandages on Wallis' head and began undoing them none too gently, keeping a firm grip on the magician's shoulders all the while. "Aw, Brahllis, what's da dealio wit' dese~? Seems wicked inconvenient if ya cant see, yeah~?" There wasn't much of a point to this, and Fresh knew that - he just wanted to revel in Wallis' fear and pain a bit longer.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis grits his teeth together, completely frozen at the invasive action- He'd grown so used to the bandage being there, and around the eye was still sore... The eye itself was still almost completely a dark grey colour, and his vision itself was blotchy and dark. The bandage at least gave him an excuse to why he couldn't see. Fresh obviously had no concept of personal space- If he did, then he was doing a damn good job of making Wallis feel vulnerable, defenseless and alone- Wait, how did he get in?? Where was..?

Wallis suddenly tries to jerk away, finally looking up at Fresh with a mixture of horror and anger- The former seemed to overwhelm the latter, though. "Wh-Where's- What the funk did you do with Purple?!! Where's Purple!??"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh tightened his grip even more, digging his fingers into Wallis's arm before giving him a casual flick on the cheek. "Lingo, homeslice!!! Ya really gotta keep a better handle on yaself, yanno~? All up spreadin ya uncool vibes all over dis convo, dawg, dat ain't cool~" The parasite grin slipped a bit before recovering himself and tilting his head at the question. "Ya really gotta learn ta take a chill pill, broski!! Ah hahaha, ya sound maaaad <3"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis gasps, trying to shrink himself down as much as he could to get away from any and all contact Fresh was giving him. Right, of course he'd be able to censor... A chill goes down his spine, and he automatically closes his eyes as the bandage falls completely from his head at the movement- Looks like there was also a pretty nasty looking gash under there just above his eye. It had been healing nicely, but still looked pretty painful to the touch.

"Where. Is. He," He repeats, clenching his fists and trying to inch away from Fresh a bit. "Did you hurt him!?? I swear to GOD I'll KILL YOU if..."

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh raised an eyebrow at that, jostling Wallis a bit as he readjusted his grip. He ruffled Wallis' hair with his free hand, digging his fingers into his arm even harder at the same time. "Ahaha, ya really let yaself go, didntcha~? Guess I get what was up wit' dat bandage junk now, yo!!" Fresh let his gaze wander casually around the room, lingering on the door for an extra moment just in case. "Aha, watchin ya work yaself up like dat is totes HI-LA-RI-OUS!! Ya gonna KILL me, Brahllis~? Ya want me dead, huh~? Well, dawg, dats da prob I all up stopped by ta deal wit'!!"

The parasite suddenly whipped his head back around to face Wallis, his grinning face very close to the other's. "Ya been up an causin LOADS o totes unfresh probs lately, haven't ya~?"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis can't help his quiet noise of discomfort, sounding oddly like a low whine, shuddering as Fresh ruffled his hair. Only a few people were allowed to do that- The parasite absolutely not being one of them. He was finding it difficult to breathe, chest tight and thoughts disjointed and panicky- This entire meeting couldn't be at all good, he was at a loss for words, actions even moreso.

Though, Fresh seemed insistent that murder wasn't his strategy- Not his usual one, anyway- And surely he would have heard if Purple was in danger... Wallis both hoped and dreaded that Purple may still be in the house.

He flinches back as much as he could when Fresh turns to grin at him, eyes widening and skin becoming paler as the realisation dawned on him. Fresh wasn't here to possess him, or to harass him- He was keeping true to his word.

Fresh was here to KILL him.

Acting on pure impulse, Wallis lets out a cry, suddenly reaching out to shove at Fresh's chest in an attempt to push the other away from him, ignoring the pain that shot through his injured hand, breathing hard and fast.

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Caught off-guard by the sudden escape attempt, Fresh loosened his grip on Wallis's shoulders and was pushed backwards a bit, his shades falling askew to reveal the host's eyes. The look of terror in the functional right eye was obvious - almost like they were trying to plead with Wallis for help. The parasite gave a quiet hiss, dropping his facade for a moment to glare at Wallis with a look of pure hatred. His grin returned almost as fast, however - contrasting even more sharply with the pain in the host's eyes.

Fresh swung his legs over the side of the bed, carefully folding up his shades and slipping them into his fanny pack. "Aha, is dis da part where ya all up try ta kill me or whatev ya said ya were gonna do, broham~? Trust me, brotato chip, I'd LOVE ya see ya try~ <3" You could practically hear the heart at the end of the sentence.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis stares straight back at that one eye, finding himself unable to look away. That poor host... He wanted to help, he so badly wanted to help- He was meant to be the INVINCIBLE Wallis Gloom, the most powerful man in the country...

And here he was, reduced to a terrified mess in a small house in Prisma. He was meant to be able to HELP, to fix everything- but he couldn't. There was no way he could help the host, especially not right now. He actually wished Fresh had kept the shades on... Then at least he could pretend the other wasn't using an innocent person for his own gain.

His gaze quickly drifts toward the door. There was no way he was going to just lay there and let Fresh hurt- Or kill- him. Slowly, he began trying to slip his legs out of the blankets, readying himself to make a run for it. "I-I'm not.... Not going to kill you..."

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh widened his eyes slightly, staying perfectly still and watching him struggle. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife - especially because the parasite was eyeing him in the way a predator watches its weakened prey. "Whaddaya think ya gonna try ta do, Wally~? Ya ain't lookin so hot, ya dig? But I toldja, homie, it'd gimme a good laugh ta all up watch ya try!!"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis keeps his gaze trained on the parasite, hunched over slightly in a defensive position, clearly in no mood to just give in. He was reminded of the way a cat toys with a mouse before catching it- Cruel, all part of their little game... He spares a fleeting glance toward the doorway, before suddenly attempting to scramble off the bed and toward the doorway, clumsy thanks to his unfit state and more recent injuries. It was worth a try- If he was going to go down, then he was going to go down fighting.

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Quick as a flash, Fresh lunged out to grab Wallis's arm, giving it a painful twist. "Ya ain't gettin away dat easy, Brahllis!!" he taunted, staring the other dead in the face with an expression of obvious enjoyment. Fresh watched for a moment more before releasing his arm and giving him a rough shove to the floor, staring down at the injured magician. "Ya still think ya all dat an a bag o chips, Wally?? Been waitin fo' dis fo' a LONG time, yo, ya ain't gonna mess it up dis time!!"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis cries out in pain at the sharp movement, being forced backward in order to not put too much pressure on his arm, taking in a few shaky gulps of air before being pushed to the ground. He lays there for a moment, head spinning from the sudden movements and pain, before once again trying to push himself up- Stubborn man. Maybe running wouldn't work...

He turns to glare at Fresh over his shoulder, feeling his heart sink as he looks up into that one terrified eye again. "You f-funking RADHOLE- What the heck are you gonna do, then!??"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh crouched down so he was roughly at Wallis's level, his hair flopping over his shoulder. "Dats da tricky part, brah!! All up way easier befo' cuz i could just make somethin sharp-like ta get it ova wit' easy as pie - but i don't think i can make some junk like dat here!! Ya got any suggestions, brotien shake?? Ain't - ain't got much experience tryin ta off peeps befo', heh." It was slight, but the parasite's voice caught on the last word and he seemed to lose some of his feigned enthusiasm.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis pauses, horror flickering more vibrantly on his face for a moment at those words. Was Fresh really asking Wallis to.... Choose his own death?!!

That was fucking sick.... He inches away again, hunching his shoulders up to protect his neck some more. Though, the question may be one of genuine uncertainty... It sounded like he'd nearly killed someone before, and at the very least, was still hesitant. Maybe he was just being wishful, but... Wait, that was it.

"Would they really want you to do this?" he mutters, eyes darkening, untrimmed fringe falling in front of them slightly. "Would they be proud of you for funking MURDERING someone??"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh froze, his expression flickering from genuine shock to fear, anger, and finally a blank mask that betrayed nothing. "What. Did you just say." He twitched for a second, his host fighting back, then appeared to regain his composure. "Care ta run dat by me again, broski?"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis juts his head up higher, emboldened by the uncertain reaction. Best case scenario, Fresh decides to leave him alone- Second best, it distracts the parasite long enough for Wallis to make an escape... Worst case, he didn't want to think about. He huffs, pushing himself up more. "How would they feel, if they knew you were torturing someone who tried to HELP you?!"

NEON--NIGHTMARE: Fresh shuddered, an unnatural, jerky movement. An odd, muted whirlwind of memories and feelings he had tried to suppress was whirling around inside his head as he stared down at Wallis, his expression completely blank and emotionless. "Ya don't know whatcha talkin bout, so ya better shut ya yap if ya know what's good fo' ya." He couldn't do this, not here not NOW this was all wrong wrong WRONG-

ZEPHYRINX:

Yes, yes yes- He could do it, he could make Fresh lose control and then he could fucking escape!! With renewed confidence he manages to get his knees beneath him again, panting a little harder. "They'd be funking DISAPPOINTED in you, Fresh!! They're probably watching right now, ashamed, because you're hurting an INNOCENT MAN-"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh got to his feet in one fluid moment and kicked him, HARD. He didn't let up either, punctuating the kicks with a repeated sentence hissed through gritted teeth - "Shut up. Dis is ova an done an ya ain't allowed ya ain't got no RIGHT shut UP-"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis absolutely wasn't expecting that, unable to react in time as the kick sends him rolling with a pained yelp, any progress he'd made in standing up lost. He manages to try and curl up into a ball to protect his head- Fuck, there was no going back now. "I-IT'S NOT- YOU KNOW IT'S NOT- THEY'RE NEVER GONNA STOP JUDGING YOU-- FUNK- YOU CAN JUST STOP--"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh's voice rose to a yelling pitch as he continued his assault in a futile attempt to get Wallis to STOP. "Shut up SHUT UP STOP TALKIN-" The usually emotionless parasite sounded almost desperate, in a way.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis suddenly tries to grab at Fresh's foot in a desperate attempt to stop him, or at least ease the harsh attack. He was already bruised and sore around his sides thanks to Cake's assault a few days prior- This was just adding ten times more pain. "PURPLE-" He chokes out, voice weak and half cut off thanks to another kick... At least Fresh seemed to be losing composure.

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Caught off-guard once again, Fresh stumbled, grabbing into the bed in time to regain his balance. He was panting heavily, watching Wallis with a look in his eye of nothing less than absolute hatred. Oh, he was mad - not just mad, FURIOUS. How was it that even in a weakened, near-helpless state with the parasite holding almost every possible advantage over him, Wallis still managed to turn the odds back in his favor?? The magician should have just given in by now. Just thrown in the towel and accepted his death, or even tried to beg for his life - but instead he had managed to get Fresh to lose his composure again, and the parasite didn't even really understand why.

Continuing to persevere even when it seemed like all was lost... it almost reminded Fresh of - NO. He wasn't going to let himself go back down that path after it was all done and over with - or SHOULD have been, anyway. Why, why, WHY couldn't he escape this?? Why couldn't he understand... any of this?? Everything had been turned around, and Fresh just wanted it all to be done with already.

He continued to stare daggers at Wallis, but his posture had sagged and he seemed to have lost some of his will to fight.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis groans, struggling to push himself back, dazed and in pain from the beating his sides had just taken. He stares up at the other, eyes half lidded and vision blurry, one arm wrapped around his stomach, the other propping him up as much as it could. He maintains eye contact, watching, waiting... He could call out for help again, or he could try to slowly stand and walk to the door.... He could continue pressing, or remain silent until Fresh made the first move. So many options, and he had no idea which was the right one, or if there wven WAS a right one. Gnawing at the inside of his lip, he tried his best to catch his breath again, each intake of air just causing more pain-- Fuck, what else was the parasite capable of doing?!!

"...Just. Just leave me alone..." Wallis mutters in an attempt at false calmness, a hint of fear still evident in his voice. Maybe he could resolve things peacefully...

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh had begun staring at Wallis as if he was seeing someone else in his place, but he tore his gaze away once Wallis finished his plea. The unexpected burst of anger and terror that had been so strong earlier had vanished, leaving him... empty. Good. He knew how to deal with this, although a strong sense of exhaustion was had him in its hold as well. This had been going on for FAR too long, especially when he thought he had put it all behind him for a FRESH start - and in front of him was the source of all his problems, beaten and weak, pleading with him to just leave.

It would be EASY to... remove him from the picture right now, even if he didn't have much experience - so why was it that he couldn't bring himself to move?? This was his CHANCE to bring everything back to normal, putting an end to all the awful memories and feelings that had been following him everywhere once and for all - but the parasite didn't move. Fresh didn't reply but he slumped over a bit more, still watching Wallis with his host's pain evident in his 'normal' eye. Why did everything have to be so difficult?? He couldn't even begin to understand why.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis leans back against the bookshelf slightly, another wave of dizziness hitting him, blinking back the blurriness. He didn't trust this- Didn't trust it at ALL- he couldn't let his guard down and risk Fresh suddenly attacking him again. He was so close now, so close to finally maybe getting Fresh off his trail... Even just the thought made him want to try. It would be better to end it once and for all, than run away... Not that he really could run now. He slowly breathes out, frame shaking as he stared back at his tormentor. "I... I don't... Want this... Please..."

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh was silent for a moment longer before erupting into joyless laughter, his shoulders shaking from the force of his outburst. He leaned over to rest his head in his arms, muffled giggles still emanating from his covered mouth. After a minute or so of this, the parasite raised his head and turned to look at the other, still chuckling. "Ah hahahaha, an' ya think I do??? Rule numba one, yo, whatcha want DON'T MEAN NOTHIN if it all up gets in da way o' otha peeps wit' more power den ya. Ya think I ain't all up sick o' dis neither?? I just want things ta go back ta da way dey SHOULD be, broski!! All up back ta things dat make sense, back ta da way things all up WERE befo' everythin' went wrong!! Thought I put all dis behind me, fo' da sake o' mah own life - an' den YA showed up, always findin ways ta get in da way an' make everythin worse! How'dya do it, yo?? An' now - everythin's fallin' apart an' everythin's wrong, an' - Ah hahahaha-" The parasite just smiled at his enemy, his empty laughter cutting off -

"I don't wanna die. I ain't READY yet. An' ya like mah third strike, homie - if I don't all up prove mah worth an' just letcha go - den its game ova, an' i just up an' get replaced. Course I'm gonna fail in da end - eitha a peep I all up angered kills me off, or I all up funk somethin else up an' kick da bucket - but I ain't ready ta die yet. Not like dis. So I can't - I can't give up, ya get me?? I gotta - I don't - I just want dis ta STOP."

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis flinches back at the sudden laughter, brows knitting together in confusion. He reaches back to grab a hold of one of the lower bookcase shelves, using it to slowly try and hoist himself up, dreading the way the pain from his ribs shot through him and took his breath away. He shakily wipes some of the hair from in front of his eyes, sweating a bit from exertion and lingering effects of the arsenic. He listens in silence, Fresh's words occasionally sounding distant before returning to clarity. He understood, though. He knew what the parasite was getting at.

It was... Unfair. Even now Wallis could feel a twinge of guilt and sympathy, knowing that the other knew nothing else BUT a lack of emotion. He was hurting, whether he knew it or not- Mourning over someone he wasn't meant to mourn. Life wasn't fucking fair, sometimes... And Wallis had always been there to help. Seaweed, Assistant, Purple... He freezes when the laughter stops, the unnatural smile sending chills down his spine.

Fresh was far more dangerous than any of his family.

"It... It doesn't work like that Fresh, it doesn't HAVE to be like that," He croaks out, swallowing to try and ease his parched throat. "What you want may not mean anything to someone more powerful- But it matters to others! And nobody is better than anyone else, we're all- We're all equal. I don't mean to make your life hard, I really fucking don't, I'm just... Trying to survive. Yeah, maybe I overreacted when we first met, I'll admit that. It's hard to drop an act when you've lived it for years. And I'm- I'm sorry, okay??! And anyway, you aren't happy how you are- You NEED to make a change!!" He pauses to take a few deep breaths, managing to stand hunched over, leaning heavily against the bookcase with shaking legs. "That's no way to live, and- Fuck, just let me help you, I can try to help if you'll just give me a chance!!"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh gave a derisive snort at the first part, but froze immediately once Wallis stood up. "...Back off, yo. Ya wanna get all up tough an' cocky now, brah?? Ya - Ya want me ta change ta be like YA cuz I ain't happy??? I've NEVER been happy, yo, dat don't mean nothin!! Ya still up an' foolin' yaself dat I NEED help - da only thing dat would HELP is ya bein GONE FO' GOOD. An' den everythin' can - can go back ta da way it SHOULD be, befo' everythin went WRONG an' befo' da kid..." His voice trailed off and his smile slipped again for a moment, before he forced the grin back on his face and strode over to Wallis.

The parasite looked him dead in the eyes, the soul in his left eye noticeably more cracked than when he had first walked in. "What kinda change d'ya suggest, Brahllis~? All up changin' from bein' alive ta bein' DEAD??"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis presses himself back against the bookcase, legs nearly slipping from under him in his haste, unable to look away from the damaged soul in the poor host's eye. His own facial features softened for a moment, as he processed what Fresh had just implied-

"...They were a kid?" He murmurs, shock and horror lacing his tone. He'd never considered... Never REALISED that the person Fresh had lost may have been young. May have been very young... Kids weren't meant to die. "Fresh.... The world isn't that bad, I'm sorry you had to go through such awful things, but- You're only young. You haven't seen much, and you've still got time to... To change yourself, I know you can change, you just need to try looking your fear head on...." His gaze shifts between the cracked soul of eye and the horrified pupil of the other, wondering just how much pain the host was in right now. Fresh looked like he was struggling... He wished he could speak out and apologise to the host, but it wasn't the right time. Not now. He couldn't save them yet...

Without thinking, he automatically shifts forward slightly, reaching out to put his hand on Fresh's arm for 'comfort' like he would with anyone else. "I can help..."

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh actually growled, forcefully grabbing the hand Wallis had put on his arm and shoving it aside. "Just GIVE IT UP ALREADY, AIGHT??" he hissed, anger like he hadn't felt for a LONG time gripping him. "Stop talkin' like dem!! Stop it stop it ya ain't FUNNY dis ain't funny no more CUT IT OUT-" The parasite's whole body shuddered, overwhelmed by the unexpected burst of fury churning inside him.

"Ya keep doin dis but ya AIN'T dem an' why wouldja I toldja I was on ta ya ya ain't breakin' me here I ain't lettin' ya make me lose control WHAT ARE YA TRYIN TA DO TA ME-" Fresh let the words spill out in a big jumbled mess before his voice gave out and he just stood there, breathing heavily. He looked... broken, desperate, looking down at the other. "...Kill 'em wit' kindness, right, Wally??"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis flinches back and holds his arm to his chest, shrinking back against the bookcase slightly. How the fuck hadn't Purple heard everything that was happening?!! He glances toward the door again, blinking to try and clear some of the darkness in his damaged eye, before quickly returning his gaze to Fresh. He winces at the parasite's tone, closing his eyes and hunching his shoulders up when those words rose in volume, awaiting some kind of attack- Wallis hesitantly opened them again, meeting Fresh's gaze.

"...I'm not... Trying to be them. I'm not, I promise- I don't know why you think kindness is exclusive to them- Why you think that nobody apart from one person in the entire world would want to help you... But it's not true. There are people that can understand, and help-- I'm just... Just trying to help," His voice wavers. "...Just because you hurt me doesn't mean I can't show you mercy."

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh's eyes widened and he took a jerky step back, looking as if he had seen a ghost. "Ya - ya say ya wanna -" He stumbled backwards and sat down hard on the bed, not taking his eyes off the injured magician once. "...Why??"

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis doesn't move, though, the door looked pretty tempting... But he was finally getting through, and Fresh's stare seemed to keep him locked in place. He sees at a loss for words for a few moments, shaking his head slightly and hugging himself with one arm, the other used to steady himself against the bookcase. "l...I don't know," He mutters, quiet. "I guess it was just how I was raised... To give people a chance. To see everyone equally. To.... Help. I grew up with people who were treated like shit their whole lives just because they were different- Nobody deserves that."

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh didn't react immediately to that, before he started chucking hoarsely. "Ah hahaha... ha... Dis... hurts. Why does it hurt??" He put his head in his hands, rubbed his eyes, and looked back up at Wallis. "I... don't get it. Dunno if I even CAN, ahaha - Ya sound so much like 'em, and I - CAN'T think bout 'em no more else everythin all up starts crumblin' again - I ain't allowed. I ain't allowed I ain't ready ta die ain't dyin here can't THINK-" The parasite's voice broke, and he stared at Wallis in silence with hollow eyes and an empty grin.

ZEPHYRINX:

"...I can't die either," He mutters back, leaning more heavily against the furniture behind him. He was feeling so lightheaded, body screaming at him to lay down and rest. "I have.... I have family.... I have a brother... My mom... My best friends, and my boyfriend.... You... You can't just take me away from them," He stares back, trying to ignore how unnerving that look was. "...You can't."

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

The parasite shakily got to his feet and walked back over to the other in mechanical, unnatural movements, his heelies audibly dragging across the floor. "...What does dat matter, yo? Peeps all up get ova it, ahaha, don't dey?? Is dat s'pposed ta... heh. Ya can all up get replaced an' nobody'll miss ya or tell da difference, yanno?" Fresh ground to a halt a few paces away from Wallis, still looking at him with an empty gaze.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis' breath hitches as Fresh takes his sweet time approaching him, once again sparing a glance at the door, his chance at freedom. The damn parasite was so unpredictable... At least now he was actually acting like he was MEANT to. Empty, mechanical, without the bombastic flair that he usually acted out. This... This was what was underneath all of that, right? This was what wanted him dead... The lingo combined with that dull look was jarring, and probably more than a habit if anything... It just didn't match up.

Wallis swallows hard, blinking back at Fresh. "...Is that how you feel?" He asks, slow and deliberate. "Like nobody would care if you disappeared?"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

"Yo, I can't FEEL nothin-" Fresh said in a mechanical, flat monotone, before pausing after realizing that wasn't exactly true anymore. "All I've all up eva felt is all up fear an' anger, heh. Da rest o' dat junk - I just play out by watchin ya peeps, ya get me? An' from what I seen - dunno why ya peeps're so proud o' havin' 'em. Think ya'd all be jumpin at da chance ta be rid o' 'em, an' some o' ya do, but da othas-" He shuddered again, still staring the other dead in the face with an empty expression. He still hadn't answered the question at hand, instead letting the silence stretch across the space between them for a minute more.

"Look, brah, ya ain't gonna be rid o' me dat easy. Even if ya break me like ya want, da peeps on da higher-up'll just make anotha, better me, one dat's - dat's better at da job an' listens ta orders. Could be comin' any day now, fo' all I know - I seen 'em, heh. Know dey runnin' round already, even if dey haven't all up stopped by fo' a reminder in a while - so yo, I don't think I'll all up end up disappearin' ta be replaced - I KNOW it, ya get me? All I can do is try ta stay alive long as possible, but odds are I don't got much time-" The parasite went quiet once more, looking as if he was struggling to speak.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis falls silent, studying, thinking. Fresh never said no.

He resists the urge to cough, another wave of dizziness hitting him harder than before causing him to hunch over just slightly, hissing under his breath. He didn't understand exactly what Fresh meant- Honestly, nothing about the parasite seemed to ever make sense- But his words definitely weren't comforting.

"L-Look, I'm not gonna pretend that I know what you're talking about- I don't, I have no idea, and I don't know... How to help... But I can fucking try, okay?! How do you know if you don't at least try!? You can't keep running from your emotions, it'll only hurt more in the long run--" He reaches out again to try and touch the other's arm. "You need to just... Let yourself FEEL and stop jumping to conclusions, Fresh-!!"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh took a stumbling step away from Wallis, looking like a cornered animal. "No no no stop YA TRYIN TA GET ME KILLED SHUT UP-" the parasite hissed in a voice thick with panic, so different from his empty monotone just a moment ago. Yet again, Wallis had ruined EVERYTHING for him, and now he felt like the walls were closing in on him. He might have tried to attack again if he could bring himself to go any nearer, but at that moment all he knew was that he couldn't bear to keep hearing THIS, couldn't keep listening to the words so similar to what THEY had said back when they were still alive, couldn't handle the thought that it might be the TRUTH - he couldn't die couldn't take any more strikes couldn't mess up again they wouldn't be happy with this and it would be EASY to just off his enemy now but he couldn't do it why couldn't he move everything was falling apart - Fresh shook his head hard to try and clear away the awful racing thoughts, his eyes flicking back to the door.

The parasite opened his mouth again, but nothing came out - so he just stood there, tremors racking his stolen body. It would be a miracle if he lasted a week after this.

ZEPHYRINX:

"Fresh, for fuck's sake," Wallis takes a tiny shuffling step towards him, swaying slightly. "I'm not trying to get you killed, I WOULDN'T try to get anyone killed, I'm not- I'm not a fucking psychopath like CAKE made me out to be!! She's not okay, Fresh!! She needs HELP," Wallis sucks in a deep breath to steady himself. "She doesn't even fucking KNOW ME--"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh took another step back, reaching towards his fanny pack with an unsteady hand. "Ya can't fool me, yo, dats how ya ALL are!! Dat's how dis all is - dog-eat-dog's da sayin, ain't it?? Ya gotta all up manipulate peeps an' use 'em fo' ya own benefit ta SURVIVE - tell 'em what dey wanna hear or all up exploitin' weaknesses an' bailin afta ya done wit' em!! Dat's how e - almost everybody is, ah haha, an' ya ain't no exception. Da exceptions all up DIE cuz dey too trustin' - can't take da heat an' dey BURN. Dat's how ALL dese places are, aight?? An' dats whatcha doin- all up usin mah... mistakes against me." Fresh's voice caught on the word mistake, and he shuddered before forcing an artificial grin back on his face.

"Friendship - ah hahaha, don't make me laugh!! Peeps like ya an' Cake Slice all up keep sayin how ya can putcha trust in peeps an' dey do da same fo' ya - dats da real JOKE, ahaha!! Cake Slice was SO EASY ta get ta, ya know dat?? Just tell 'em what dey wanna hear, an' dey come runnin'-" The parasite started chuckling hoarsely again, even though everything about his manner just seemed... unnatural and forced, as if he was desperately trying to keep up his facade of having control.

ZEPHYRINX:

"It's not, but I don't know how to convince you otherwise," Wallis mutters. "And it's hard to trust, I fucking know it is, because I struggle with it too- You're not... ALONE in this, but you can't keep running away from it all, because it WILL catch up eventually!! We BOTH know that!! And I understand the fear of being replaced- Do you have any fucking idea how easy it would be for another star to replace me!?! To come along with weirder magic, or a nicer face, and just throw me under the fucking bus?!! I need to be PERFECT or my career will DIE- Or someone BETTER THAN ME will TAKE MY PLACE!!"

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

The parasite definitely wasn't expecting that and didn't quite know how to respond, watching the other warily. "It - course dis'll catch up ta me in da long run, heh - made too many peeps totes mad ta escape 'em foreva!! But dat don't got nothin ta do wit dis now, ya dig?? Dat don't... An' dere ain't no peeps ta gotta hide from here dat can off me 'sides Redical, an' she ain't all up lookin all da time no more, yeah?? I dunno whatcha point is, ahaha~" He looked like he was making a noticeable attempt to pull himself together, putting up a broken approximation of his usual act.

ZEPHYRINX:

"Fresh, please," Wallis whispers, sinking down a bit more with a hitch in his breathing. "....Leave me alone. Leave my family alone, leave my friends alone... Y-You. You'd fucking... KNOW what it's like to lose someone you love. You wouldn't want someone else to go through that... Would you!?? The pain, the agony, the.... You understand, right?? Just.... Just leave," He almost pleads, still trying to keep a strong tone to his voice... It was now or never. He sucks in a deeper breath, suddenly trying to push forward and past Fresh, aiming for neither the door nor the bed.

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh just... allowed Wallis to push past, all the will to fight leaving him as he sank back down to the floor and rubbed his eyes with his palms. He knew what they would want was to fight back and get the job done, show none of this affected him, show it was all in the past like he said. Everything would go back to the way it SHOULD be if he could just follow orders and do what he was SUPPOSED to, what he KNEW they would want him to do... but the parasite couldn't muster the energy to move, caught up in all the memories of past events he wished he could forget. This... wasn't supposed to happen. Not again.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis... Wasn't expecting the ease with which he could push past, pausing mid-stride and standing almost back to back with the parasite... Before glancing back, that familiar swell of pity filling his chest, causing him to fall to his knees too, grateful for the rest. He watches Fresh through one eye, head throbbing from the exposed cut and an oncoming migraine,not really sure what to do or say... He just reaches out from behind, to put his hand on Fresh's shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

Seaweed always said he was too kind for his own good.

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh didn't react at all to the supportive motion at first, or even seem to notice - but he relaxed slightly after a moment, an almost subconscious response to the touch. The parasite seemed... drained, as if he couldn't move if he tried. Logically, Fresh knew he needed to pull himself together and fast. The less weaknesses he showed in front of his enemy, the better - and he could barely deal with the faint resistance his host was still putting up. It seemed almost cruel - whenever he thought he was past all this... garbage, it would always come back and hit him when he least expected it. Fresh made an indistinct sound in his throat, curling in on himself a bit more. He needed to get ahold of himself before it was too late.

ZEPHYRINX:

Finding little to no resistance, he squeezes slightly, shuffling a bit closer and slumping forward just a touch as another wave of dizziness smacked into him from behind... he really did not feel well. "...Sorry."

He wanted this to be over. Yes, he was doing this half selfishly- But seeing the other in pain really was making Wallis want to help... It was just in his nature and upbringing to give chances to the less fortunate, and Fresh seemed pretty damn unfortunate. His entire existence was just... sad. But he wanted it over with fast- He was so tired...

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Upon hearing the other's weak voice, Fresh snapped back to reality and the situation he was in, jolting and looking around wildly. He was... Wallis was right next to him, treating him like a friend??? This wasn't RIGHT, what was the magician playing at?? Was he really just sitting there and letting Wallis take advantage of him like that?? What... What was he doing?? This didn't make sense this was WRONG - they weren't going to be happy with him if he didn't find a way to fix this RIGHT NOW. The parasite spun around and lashed out at Wallis in the span of a second, hitting him hard on the head.

ZEPHYRINX:

Wallis only realised a split second too late what the parasite was doing, only able to wince and try to jerk back in the tiny time frame he was given. He was unsuccessful, letting out a small noise of shocked pain as the attack connected, sending him reeling- He slumps backwards, head also knocking into the ground with a painful thud, vision swimming for a second as he struggled to stay conscious. There wasn't much he could to to fight it, though, especially when he was already so injured... It didn't take long at all for him to black out.

NEON--NIGHTMARE:

Fresh slowly got to his feet and looked down at his unconscious opponent, lost in thought. They... They would want him to kill Wallis now, wouldn't they?? Prove once and for all that he was above this and wouldn't get dragged back down, while simultaneously making sure the stubborn magician would never cause any problems again. That was what they would want, but... watching Wallis lay on the ground, most likely out cold - the parasite found he couldn't bring himself to do the deed. He really wasn't a killer, despite how he tended to act to the contrary - it made for good intimidation, after all. Besides, Wallis was probably done with anyways, right?? He would give up after this, realizing he would only get himself hurt, and Fresh could find another plan without dealing with his interference! ...Right?? That was the logical thing to do, after all.

Saving your own skin instead of doing... whatever Wallis had been doing. Of course, Wallis wasn't a threat to him anymore. No need to off him if it wasn't absolutely necessary. Even with all the complications, this was a SUCCESS! He showed he won over his STUPID memories in order to get the job done, and he could just say he had been trying to get close to Wallis so he could strike!!

Never mind that if they truly had been watching - which they probably were - they would have seen all the opportunities he had let by beforehand before finally putting an end to it. Fresh took another step away from the mostly unmoving body, turning his gaze to the ceiling. "Yo, uh..." the parasite croaked out before stopping to clear his threat and try again.

"Yo, ya were all up watchin dis, yeah?? Uh, heh - Did I all up prove mahself now, brahs?? Didn't let none o dat emotional garbage junk hold me back in da end, yanno? All up got dis in da BAG like always!! Just wanted ta... mess wit' Wally a bit, ya know?? Let 'im think he got ta me an' all dat befo' takin' 'im out - dats all, dawgs, ain't no biggie!! See, yo?? I ain't - I ain't strayin, yo!! All up stayin on da straight an' narrow as always, no need ta all up send anotha - anotha reminder or nothin, I all up got dis mahself!! Ya... Ya hearin dis, brahs?? I totes GOT dis an' I ain't lettin nothin hold me down no more!! Da Fresh is BACK AGAIN, yo, an' I ain't..." His voice trailed off again, and he rested his head in his palms for a moment before sparing another nervous glance at the ceiling.

"...Ya listenin', right? Ya know ya don't gotta... Ya probs ain't happy, I get dat. Dats - all up aight, yo!! Cuz I can all up PROVE I got dis when I take ova dis place, ya dig?? Wally ain't gonna cause no more probs - I promise ya dat, ah haha!!" Fresh managed to choke out a faint laugh before remembering where he was once more. The parasite began pulling his shades back out to slip them back on, only sparing a quick glance at his defeated foe before spinning around and striding out of the house (making an effort to be more quiet than he usually was, no point in making it this far and getting caught now).

The parasite gently closed the still-unlocked door behind him before spinning around and walking off into the night, his blanket fanning out behind him.

#gloomverse #fresh #lucidia #roleplay #writing #wallis gloom #neon--nightmare #....i'm very shy abt my roleplaying but this is in Demand(tm) so #please be nice!!

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imbicuriousyeah · 8 years ago

Text

loosen up: part 1

Amber x reader

word count: 1680

prompt: you’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista bartender and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins

~~~

It’s your birthday, so you’d decided to get absolutely smashed and try to forget the fact that you’ve gotten a year older and you have pretty much no life outside of med school and your only friend has abandoned you because she got a headache. Well, that last bit happened after you’d gotten most of the way from tipsy to drunk, but still. Damn her and her sensitive head. Maybe you should’ve stayed in after all. Rented a movie, had a sleepover, maybe invited some of your med school friends and gotten drunk in the comfort of your home?

Oh right, most of your friends worked the graveyard shift. And there was something about the anonymity and atmosphere of clubs and bars that you particularly enjoyed. It had absolutely nothing to do with the gorgeous bartender with the infectious smile and intricate tattoo sleeve and her perfect hair- not at all. Speaking of which, where did she go? You look over the crowd towards the door and see her leaving, lighter in hand, haloed by the neon lights.

It’s now that your brain decides to remind you that yes, you already knew she smoked. Not because you’d been watching her, not at all. That would’ve been creepy.

So that’s why I haven’t been back here.

You rest your head against the wall with a sigh. Last time you’d gotten drunk here you’d decided to leave her a note. And not just a note, not just your number, like a normal person, oh no. You’d written some kind of drunken tirade about exactly what happens to your lungs when you smoke, full of medical jargon and using up four whole napkins. She probably thought you were insane.

Your head jerks back up as you see her disappear behind the bar, bending down for a moment before walking back out towards the door with a water bottle in hand. What’s that about?

She reappears less than a minute later, reinstating herself behind the bar, looking bored as she fidgets with one of her many rings. You don’t think about it, you just act. Which is exactly what had gotten you in trouble in the first place.

“I see you haven’t stopped smoking yet.” Dear god I wish I could hit myself over the head with- with something heavy.

She laughs, and suddenly you’ve forgotten everything, the fact that it was your birthday, why you were scolding her in the first place. If her smile is infectious, her laugh is an epidemic.

“So it’s my conscientious medical student again. Nice to see you too.” She leans on the bar with her elbows, looking at you. You feel yourself start to blush, so you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

“I’m surprised you aren’t coughing up your lungs yet.” She raises an eyebrow.

“You’ll have to do better than that. Then again, I don’t know if you can top last week’s dissertation.” She turns to the shelves behind her an rummages, pushing aside a bottle of absurdly expensive vodka. When she turns back around she’s brandishing several napkins. You groan. You don’t even have to look to know they’re covered in your minuscule scrawl.

“I’m so sorry about that, you must think I’m a weirdo.”

“I actually thought it was amusing, which is why I kept them.” She smiles and turns back around to replace the napkins in their ‘hiding spot.’

“I tell myself I won’t get drunk like that again, but the time comes around, and here I am.”

“I mean, I’m like that with my cigarettes, and I know you know. But, for your sake, I have been trying to make it down to five a day.”

“Five a day?” You probably sound horrified, and you really should not have been so surprised, but for some godforsaken reason you were. Or at least you shouldn’t have let it show.

“Relax. At least it’s not a pack a day. I’m a broke art student, I cant afford anti-depressants.”

You suddenly feel a whole lot more like you’re meddling in something that’s not your business. She must see the change in your expression because she shakes her head.

“It’s not a secret. And I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad.”

“I’m just- I’m a med student, so I get fixated on stuff like that.”

“I guessed as much, I mean about the med school bit. Either that or you have a whole lotta free time on your hands to research the effects of smoking. My name is Amber, by the way.” She holds her hand out to you and suddenly your mouth has gone dry.

“Y/N.” You shake her hand, probably a bit too quickly, before jerking your hand back. You can feel the blush crawling up your neck and into your cheeks.

“You’re even cuter when you blush, did you know that?” Amber says with another of her blinding smiles. As she probably expected, that just causes the blush to deepen.

“I- Um-” You stutter, like some schoolgirl with a crush. Which isn’t actually that far from the truth, you realize with embarrassment.

“Did I hear your friend say it was your birthday?” Amber asks, folding her hands in front of her on the bar.

“Yeah- wait what?”

“She asked to use my phone when I was on my smoke break. I saw you two talking earlier so I assumed you were friends.” You suddenly pat your pockets, realizing with a sinking feeling that you have two phones instead of one.

“Shit…”

“I gave her some water after she called for someone to pick her up. I’m sure she’ll be fine. I can go check if she’s gone for you, if that would make you feel better?” You nod, too embarrassed to speak. Why did you have her phone in the first place? Did she ask you to hold it or something? You can’t remember.

Amber returns with a smile, and you feel better just by being on the receiving end of it.

“Your friend got picked up, everything’s good.”

“Thanks Amber. Wow I feel like such an airhead.”

“Hey, I’ve seen worse. At least you still have her phone. I’m assuming you have it, right?” She looks over and you nod quickly. “Well, you wouldn’t believe how many phones I’ve found in bathrooms or out on the floor when I close. There were several memorable occasions when patrons have left their phones in their drinks.” Amber shakes her head, incredulous, and you laugh. “There you go, loosen up will you, its your birthday!” How is she even real?

“Guess it’s all the training to be impartial, cool under pressure, that has me all- all tight-laced.”

“I guess that’s what I’m here for then.”

“And the alcohol.”

“And the alcohol,” she agrees with a laugh, “though I think you’ve had enough of that for tonight.”

“Yeah.” You lift a hand to massage your temple, maybe you were being a bit hypocritical earlier.

“You need me to call you a cab?”

You shake your head. “I’ll be fine.”

“You have a designated driver?”

“No.” Maybe you shouldn’t have insisted you were fine quite so quickly.

“Are you sure about that cab?”

“Actually…”

Amber smiles and waves her hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. You come sit here for now, alright?” She lifts up a section of the bar and beckons for you to follow her.

“But the bar-”

“Casey can cover for me. We’re winding down for the night anyway. C'mon, it’s quieter back here.”

You sigh and follow her, your head immediately protesting the movement, though, like Amber had anticipated, as soon as the door closes behind you both and seals off some of the noise, it protests slightly less.

“You’ve been drinking water, haven’t you?”

“What, lecturing me on my health?” You laugh, “yes, that last glass was just water.”

“Just checkin.” She says, then leaves through a side door, gesturing with her phone as an explanation. You lean back in the chair and close your eyes, savoring the quieter atmosphere. You don’t remember getting migraines from noise before. That often, anyway. Maybe you were getting old. Just lovely. Back to the reason I was drinking in the first place.

You don’t have much time to brood though, because Amber returns. You suddenly fixate o the texture of the flannel tied around her waist. It looks so soft. And you’ve leaned over to touch it before you even realized what you were doing.

“So soft…” You murmur, running your fingers along the fabric.

“Okay, so it was perfect time to call it a night then.” Amber just seems amused. “The cab will be here in five minutes or so. Want to go wait outside?”

“Yeah, it’s stuffy in here.” You follow her obediently out a side door and into an alley, where you walk a few paces before emerging out onto the street.

“Thanks, by the way, for all this.” You look over and she’s smiling at you. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to the storm of butterflies that flare up in response to that smile. “Your eyes are really beautiful, do you know that?”

She chuckles, ducking her head. “I’ve been told. Though never by someone as pretty as you.” It’s your turn to be flustered. Again. It really seems to be a pattern, doesn’t it.

Amber turns towards you as you see a cab rounding the corner at the end of the street.

“How about I give you my number, in case you ever need help unlacing.” She offers with a smile.

You stare for a moment before fumbling in your pocket for your phone and struggling to unlock it. Wait shit this isn’t mine.

Amber laughs and pulls on your hand as the cab pulls up to the curb, writing a string of digits on your forearm in sharpie. “This way you won’t lose it.”

You look up at her, and she smiles that radiant smile again, and as the cab drives away you can’t help but think maybe this birthday wasn’t so bad after all.

part 2

masterlist

#amber liu #amber liu scenarios #amber liu scenario #f(x) amber #f(x) scenarios #f(x)#amber scenarios #sylvanwriting #amber fluff #amber liu fluff #amber f(x)#smoking #loosen up

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whoseventingthere · 7 years ago

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I hate riverdale. I can’t find a god damn jughead post that isnt riverdale without digging 10000000000000000000 years into the god damn jughead tag. Honestly I hate straight people and their heteronormative bullshit. I was so happy to finally have (positive) aroace rep from the jughead comic and now it’s just shat on. It’s dumb but so much in the jughead comic resinated with my own experiences and I know if I’d seen that stuff back when I was his age I would have been, like, ecstatic, and like just.......I am going to come out and say it, being ace/aroace played into some of my suicidal thoughts and at least 1 of my attempts back in highschool. I faced actual shit from it at school after I was outed and comments from “FRIENDS” and just society making me feel broken and not a person and unlovable, and my dad forcing me through medical tests and telling me it was out of love for me because he just wanted me to be happy which wasnt possible apparently if I was ace/aroace and referred to me as broken and lacking something human and just wants me to be able to love because apparently I’d never be able to be truly happy unless I found a romantic partner and romantic love is not possible without sex apparently and screaming at me that he’s doing this because he cares and for my own good and okay sure, everything panned out in the end and when he forced me to come out to my therepist then asked for him to evaluate my meds to see if some changes need to be made to stop whats causing this or give me something to fix this or maybe do therepy to fix my so broken brain and figure out why I am apparently inhumane and broken my therepist was all what the fuck dude your teen is just asexual back off that’s a thing, and what you are asking for is conversion therepy, which is not ok, and my dad was all whoa no im not thats a BAD thing they do to not straight people im cool if my teen is gay or bi or something I think she is maybe she has internalized homophobia maybe you can fix that and my therepist was all no dude you are being an ass and if you preach acceptance than actually accept your kid just because you are doing something because you are concerned doesnt make it actually doing something out of love (and I am so god damn lucky I have this therepist, I know how completely opposite that could have gone if I’d been seeing a different therepist I know the stories and there was a reason I hadn’t come out to him yet, that being I already knew the stories and very possible results)...........in so many words. But yeah over time my dad went from trying to fix me to intermediatly telling me how sad I made him to saying he doesnt get it but whatever makes me happy and even to this day I dont know if he fully believes me but well at least he is being supportive but at the same time really would have been nice without all that trauma (I mean he caused more trauma besides just that)....................Point is, that, plus all the crap I got at school (I mean I got crap for tons of other stuff but being outed just added to it...or in some cases just changed what they were saying), and heard from “friends” and the rest of society........it would have maybe been a little easier if there was someone I saw in the media who I liked that was like me and was happy being like me and had similar experiences to me (both in “relatable” thoughts and in...negetive stuff) who was explicitly aroace like Jughead is in the new jughead comic (and not explicitly stated in the old but still obvious.......but like, like I said, explicitly stated is nicer)......And in the comic goes through experiences I’ve had (though not the super way heavy ones) and says things relevent to me....Just...............It might have made things easier. Like....seeing someone go through that stuff but then still be happy with who they are and being like no many this is me......and just seeing someone say the words that I felt.......it might have made me feel a bit better about myself.....like maybe a few less suicida thoughts.....Not as broken feeling........Knowing what others feel about me doesnt matter to who I am as a person (and maybe would have made me not have double back on the aro part of myself or have stopped rejecting it sooner because it would have been so obviously me that not only would I feel comforted and less reason to feel ashamed for it but also just like no way I could deny it if I read the comics as a teen.....being who I was and who I am).....I mean it wouldnt have stopped the stuff that went beyond words or the physical parts of actions against me beyond just what they represented but....it would have been comforting. Especially since he gets happy endings. Just....there were so many moments when I was reading the comic earlier this year where I was just like “Wow I remember when that happened to me” “Wow same jughead” “Yes those are my words. Exactly. Perfect.” “Those are the positive descriptive words that would have made me happy with who I was in my younger days (not so long ago)”............And now I cant even find content for those comics or older ones.

I mean there is still the guy from bojack horseman but.....I would like to have MORE THAN ONE character????????? And having rep stripped from you fucking stings???????

#Original posts: hilarity (not) guaranteed

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w0lfbr0thers · 8 years ago

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its a date - evak drabble

note: this is a uni drabble that no one asked for where isak and even live across from each other and even has a movie blaring at 3 am and isak cant sleep - you’re welcome

+2.5K+ Words +Ch. 1/1

Isak wasn't one for sleeping very well on a school night - and now that he's started uni, it hasn't exactly smoothed itself a perfect path. Of course he had his sleep meds, but did they ever work? No. So Isak gave up on the idea of sleeping pills a long ass time ago and just tried to cope with draping his duvet over his head and screwing his eyes shut until he had to wake for his first lecture three or four hours later. A natural pattern, of course, and his roommates tried to help out as much as they could with melatonin supplements or different types of herbal teas but nothing worked. Plus, uni wasn't so welcoming with all these loud ass parties happening somewhere around campus and Isak was dying to go but this wasn't high school - he had to keep his priorities straight.

One night in particular is what set him into this whirlwind of sleeping but yet not sleeping, kind of in a daze but all because of a some cute boy but it wasn't in the way he ever would want to meet any cute boy - ever. He had a big physics test coming up and he had been lying in bed ever since he got home from his last lecture but just at the stroke of midnight, he heard blaring coming from somewhere on his level of dorms. He groaned, rolling his eyes and he tried to drown it out but it was some weird, Shakespearean shit and all Isak could gather was 'this person has to be a fucking poetry fanatic'. It went on for a while, and it seemed to increase in volume every time Isak would shut his eyes which was completely agony.

'This bud of love, by summer’s ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.'

Isak rolled his eyes as how grossly worded this movie was, and just as it hit 3 am, Isak couldn't take it. He pulled on sweats and a hoodie, stormed across the flat and he threw open the door, heading into the halls that were still brightly lit and he limited down the rooms one by one by how loud the movie was and he finally figured out it was the one right across from his own. He groaned, stepping up to the door and banged his fist on the wooden frame, his jaw clenched as he waited for the culprit to open his damn door and give him an explanation. He raises his fist one more time to knock, but just before his hand hit the door it swung open and there stood the most beautiful, outstanding boy Isak had ever laid eyes on. He coughed nervously, dropping his hand as his heartbeat began strumming annoying fast as the boy raises an eyebrow, a questioning look on his face.

"Can I help you?" The boy asked and Isak almost melted at how smooth his voice was and how it sounded like a song as it filled his ears. Isak was annoyingly mesmerized and he crossed his arms, managing to keep a straight and agitated face as he looked up at the boy who seemed only a few years older than him.

"Yeah, could you maybe turn down your movie volume? It's like, three am, pal. People need their sleep," Isak mumbles, his eyebrows knitting together.

Surprisingly, the boy grins, tilting his head to the side in the cutest way and Isak just can't ignore it, "Oh, sorry. I have a theatre class and I have to watch Romeo and Juliet as an assignment. I didn't realize it was loud."

"How could you not realize how loud it was?" Isak scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. "Why so fucking late to watch a damn movie when there's a book?"

The boy shrugs, "I've seen this movie probably a dozen times but I just enjoy it. The beautiful words - the story line - the tragic ending. It's beautiful. And, it's not really a book." He chuckles. "It's more of a collection of sonnets."

"A collection of what?" Isak asks, utterly confused.

"It's nothing. But, hey, you should join me to watch it sometime?" He offers, a smile tugging on the corner of his lips and Isak catches himself blushing as he looks down at his feet.

"Um. Maybe- I don't- maybe. Sounds nice and all, but I don't think I'm a big guy on- what did you call them? Sonnets. I'm more of a science guy."

"Makes sense, regarding your 'NASA' sweatshirt," the boy chuckles, the sound causing Isak to feel a fluttering sensation in his stomach.

"When's your last lecture today?" Isak asks quickly, a surge of confidence flowing through him as he stares at the cute boy who's standing in the door frame.

"16.35. You?"

"16.00," Isak allows himself a smile. "Meet me at kaffebrenneriet after and then we can head back here for the movie with coffee?"

"Sounds like a great plan," the boy says, extending a hand that Isak is more than willing to take into his own and shake it. "I'm Even."

"Isak."

"Isak, hm. Lovely name," Even comments and Isak feels his heart skip a few beats.

"Till tomorrow?"

Even nods, "Till tomorrow."

"Goodnight, just remember to keep the movie volume down?" Isak pokes one last time, turning to walk back to his own flat and just before he shuts the door behind him, he hears;

"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."

Isak allows himself a bittersweet smile as he closes his flat door, shuffling his way back into his bed and his body allows him a few extra special hours of sleep.

Isak flies through his physics test in a breeze, collecting a solid six on it which fills him with more happiness then what he was filled with when he woke up almost fully rested this morning due to the early morning events. He was about to go on an almost-date with the cutest guy he was sure was way out of his league but Isak was so willing to give it a try. As he said, he finished at 16.00 and pulled on his jacket, filled his school bag with his essentials he would need for his late night homework session, and headed to the coffee shop he and Even had agreed to meet at. He sat at a small table by the window, constantly looking up and down the street and was badgering by countless waitresses asking if he needed anything but he brushed him to the side, excusing that he was 'waiting for a friend' and the girls seemed to dwindle as the extra 35 minutes passed.

Finally, Isak's heart surges as he seems the familiar figure of the cute boy make his way down the street, and he instantly catches Isak's gaze and gives a wink as he passes the window, walking into the sweet and warm coffee shop, eagerly joining Isak at the table his eyes bright.

"You finally arrived, I began to worry you were going to ditch me," Isak pipes up, grinning as Even laughs and it's so warm that Isak's heart melts.

"I'm not that type of guy, no need to worry about that. Especially if I'm meeting up with a cute boy," Even grins. "Shall we get our coffee and head back to the dorms?"

Isak gives a small nod, getting up from the table and Even follows the notion, following him up to the counter where they both order a hot chocolate and head out into the bitter cold of November, the warm colors of fall surrounding them as they head back to the campus. They receive a few hellos and waves as they head up the stairs to the third floor of dorms and finally they made it to their section of the hallway. Even grinned, unlocking his flat door and they both entered, not speaking a word. They slipped off their shows in the small hallway and Isak followed Even through the rooms and they appeared to be alone which sent Isak into a panic - but in some sort of good way.

Even gestured to where they could lay their things, which was merely a chair but Isak didn't seem to mind. They shuffled through the flat and finally, Even opened the door to what Isak saw as some sort of paradise. He walked in, and was instantly welcomed with drawings plastering the walls and vinyl albums stacked all over, and a small acoustic guitar in the corner by the bed. Isak was in awe as he took in the surroundings and how just by Even's room how much it told him about him. Even watched him, his arms folded, as Isak made his way to the closet doors where dozens of drawings were taped askew across the doors.

"Did you draw these?" Isak asks after a while, unable to pull his eyes away from the magnificent artwork.

Even chuckles, walking further into the room, "I did. Do you like them?"

"They're amazing, wow," Isak admits, biting his lower lip. "You're a good artist."

"Tusen takk. I don't let many people see my drawings due to how personal they are to me, but-" Even shrugs, "-it's chill."

"Why are you letting me gawk at them, then?" Isak suddenly feels embarrassed as he turns to Even who is now setting up the movie on his TV.

"Because it's just you," Even shrugs. "I don't find you dangerous or anything. I find you sweet."

Isak's lips twitch up into a smile as he walks over to Even bed, "So, what should I expect with this movie?"

"Well, it is a tragedy so there might be some crying," Even tells him, smiling as he looks up at Isak's jumbled expression. "And it's the Leo DiCaprio version, which is the most beautiful."

"I doubt this movie will make me cry, but I guess we'll just have to see - and it's just Leonardo DiCaprio. Nothing special."

Even guffaws, "Leonardo DiCaprio is a man of artwork. And see we shall."

They situate themselves on Even's bed, and Isak being the shy boy he is leaves just a big of elbow space between them but he's aching to lean into Even and watch the movie while Even runs his hands through his hair and- no. Isak barely knows the guy, but he already seems half in love with him but then again he never gets the chance to see a cute boy and it's strange how he has never seen him around campus.

Isak gets drawn into the movie carefully, and Even can't help but glance at him from time to time to just see the lights from the TV dance in his beautiful, emerald green eyes and Even would give anything to just gaze into them for hours on end. The movie drones on, and Even barely pays attention to it and Isak can admit that even he stole a glance or two in Even's direction. Isak catches himself more into the movie than he thought and soon the ending credits are rolling and he finds himself turning tense as he feels Even's skin on his own, wiping away the warm tears that signify that he has been crying. Isak swallows, turning his head slowly in Even's hand to face him and he finds a soft, warm smile greeting him.

"Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs; being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes; being vex’d a sea nourish��d with lovers’ tears," is all Even says and Isak is speechless as Even wipes away his stray tears and he blinks once. Twice. No, this isn't a dream. This is all real life and Isak can't believe it. Even removes his hand, dropping it in his lap and Isak yearns for his touch to return.

"I can't believe this movie made me cry," Isak sighs and his voice his quiet, low like a whisper.

"Was it too loud for you?" Even jokes and Isak can't help but roll his eyes but in a fond-like way.

"No, it was fine," Isak sniffles. "The movie was perfect."

Isak raises up a hand to his cheek, wiping away a few more tears and Even speaks again, quoting the tragedy one more time in a quiet, soft voice, "See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!"

Isak doesn't say a word as he eases his hand away from his face, bringing it to Even's and his touch lingers for a few minutes before grasping his hand, enveloping it in both his hands as he brings it up to his cheek, placing Even's hand against his skin which sends rippling waves of shock through him and his skin is burning as Isak locks his eyes with Even's and he sees just how deep and blue they are and it puts Isak in what seems like a trance.

"I'm really glad that I got up the courage to ask you to turn down your movie," Isak says after a few short moments of silence.

"Why not?" Even asks, a smile playing his lips as he runs his thumb against the soft skin of Isak's cheek and he tucks a small strand of curly, blonde hair behind his ear.

"Because it led me to such a beautiful, soft spoken and sweet guy who has a soft spot for cheesy romance movies," Isak laughs softly, leaning into Even's touch just a bit more.

"Cheesy? Hva? No fucking way, romantic movies are the best. Some of them could use some work, yeah, but Baz Luhrmann makes the best romantic movies," Even pouts and Isak just raises an eyebrow, licking his lips.

"Baz Luhrmann, really?"

"Yes, really! Romeo and Juliet isn't his only masterpiece."

"How many other 'masterpieces' does he have?" Isak asks, allowing himself to move a bit closer to Even.

"Tell you what, let's make all those other movies a date," Even winks, giving Isak a smug look.

"A date? Seriously? You want to watch more movies with me?"

Even shrugs, "Why not?"

Isak bites his lip, considering the offer and he swears that Even can hear how loud his heartbeat is, "Sure. It's a date."

"Ah, finally! I succeeded."

"Succeeded? Succeeded in what?"

"Getting a date with cute curly boy," Even beams, reaching up his other hand to place on Isak's other cheek so he knows holds his face in his hands. "A dream come true."

"Since when did you set this goal?" Isak asks nervously, a bubbly feeling rising in his stomach.

"Since the first day I saw you at orientation," Even winks, letting his hands drop from Isak's face.

Isak feels his cheeks heat up and he finds himself looking down at his lap, a smile tugging at his lips, "Seriously?"

"Absolutely."

"Then it is, 100%, a date."

"Coffee tomorrow and we can get started on the movie dates?" Even offers as Isak rises from the bed, readying himself to head back to his own flat.

"Of course," Isak smiles, grabbing his jacket.

"Perfect."

#my work #my writing #skam #skam writing #skam fic #skam drabble #evak #evak writing #evak fic #evak drabble #isak x even #isak valtersen #even bech næsheim #romeo + juliet #i wrote this at like 3 am this morning so there is probably a lot of mistakes #oh well #just let me know!!#honkettes

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angel-nero · 8 years ago

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11 questions...

I was tagged by @pureren @zaevran @glaspaladin @z-ayauitl and @kcgane ty so much !!! ♥

RULES: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people

my questions…

1. what’s the worst piece of clothing you own?

2. what’s the coolest piece of uh fashion that is so cool you can’t even wear to go out? lol

3.- what book have you read that you feel it has been the worst?

4.- What’s the healthiest meal you actually like?

5.- do you love keith kogane? (or vld keith lmfao what u prefer to use)

6.- something paranormal ever happened to you? if yea, what?

7.- do you get jealous easily? with who? (friends, popular ppl, talented ppl, the s/m)

8.- what’s the cutest thing you own?

9.- what are your favorite crisps?

10.- do you have a favourite drink?

11.- can you tell im hungry? what hobby you wish you liked or wish you did?

i tag: @kukinta @kittyr0se @heirith @liesfromsatansbuttcheeks @sheith-love-always @acequeenm @blessedkeith @lukaspatel @ke1th @ace-pidge @keith8 but only if you want to!

TESSA’SS AND!! TAMI’S QUESTIONS1!!!

1. Do you connect with people easily?

mmm, I don’t becos im a very quiet person and can be w u w/o talking at all and I get overwhelmed by convos I don’t care about also it’s kinda hard to win my trust and also interest lol. I’m nice tho, i mite not be enjoying myself but i’ll forev b nice w u.

2. Did something good happen to you this week?

uH yeah, i’m doing things to improve my health, i did my uni exam, im frEE, i finally don’t have to go to rEliGIoUs classes aNYMORE and UH,,, i got a diet to win weight and its cool i get to eat ESQUITE LMFAO. i will see my bffs in friday and i have browney mix there i should bake but im lazy

3. What’s the personality trait that annoys you most in other people?

When people pretend to like something just 2 b friends w someone or ME, do you know we can be total dif and maybe still b friends if u cOOL. Ass kissers, hypocrisy, LIES LOL. I don’t like fake ppl at all.

4. If you could participate in any existing tv reality show, which one would you choose?

The ones where they change ur style and buy clothes for u 2 love urself and do ur hair and make up and buy u xpensive undies. I loved that crap when i was in secondary school lmao

5. What’s something you’re insecure about?

That I can’t be in one place without wanting tofuckin run, the fact that i can’t eat w ppl at all, that i have to go to the fucken gYM

6. What’s your favourite way to hang out with friends?

:’)) well,,, i go to my bff’s house or they come. If im fine then walk around my neighborhood cus it’s nice ahaha anxiety am i rite. oKAY, even if i get anxiety i like ice skating, or roller skating, i have a lot of fun. My friend want us to go to this pixies concert and im like :(( boo i love u

7. What’s your favourite fic trope?

lol idk,,,,, pining? mutual pining? no pining and they getting to know therngs im melttin sTOP idk…… it depends on whAT shIP. I just know i’ll read any fake dating of my otp. idk idk duuuude i legit don kno. It’s not a trope but i love crunchy feelings, showefjsid fksjnj its hard to talk about this im sOrry

8. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve liked in the past?

hahahahahaha my crush

9. What do you consider to be the best period of your life?

When I was 14. I went to parties more than i go to them now lol, i drank and smokkd w who where my best friends back theN i know it’s whack. we used to go to roller skate? all the damn time and did sleepovers and everything was funny, we practically lived together and my friend that was 16 drove us to places lmao,, everything was so good. but like, dont imagine me too wild i only smokd like 5 cigs in my life and hookah and we even broke one.

10. What do you consider to be the worst period of your life?

mpghgg, when i turned 15,,, in the middle of it everythin went to shit to the actual date. But im trying to change that

11. How did you meet your best friend?

I met her,,,, 11 years ago. Look, I usually have best friends in pack. I have 3 bffs at the moment, one of them sat next to me in 2nd year of primary school. IDK how i got to actually know my absolute bff tho but we did a lot of weird shit. we also met in the same classroom and she was my bff back then. The third one was also a frind but not so much during those years. Later i changed of classrooms and shit and bonded more when I was 14 w 6 friends and those r i did crazy shit w but we got separated and stopped talkin and they invited me to the club a week before my uni exam but i was high on meds and sick af. and never replied also going to meet em again at the club makes me nervous af tbH…. I have had a lot of super close friends in my life wTf. In my new school i have also 7 friends that r super close.And we’re also a pack of bffs. I actually had a hard time to use the word bestfriend lol, not bc of me havin a lot or anythin, i was just emo i guess

BEX’S QUESTIONS YOo

1. What’s the strangest nickname you’ve ever been given?

:))))))))))))))))))))))))) gabhole, gabaloney, TETI THAT SOUNDS LIKE TITTY. now ft Aztec secret

2. Do you like to gossip?

UMMMMMM,, i dont like to listen to another ppl judging someone, I hate it and i normally tell them to stop. it depends i guess

3. Are you afraid of the dark? um,,, no but i dont like it lol

4.Have you ever been stung by a bee?

no, but i steppeddd on one. I also was pickin a tree and till this day i dont knoW wTF it was but i had something big in my middle finger and it fucken hurt like a bitch and i had A BALL on it UGHHHHH I HATE BUGS

Bigfoot or mothman? fucking none

Do you trust anyone with your life? i mean, idk

Do you have any habits you wish you could break? yEAH, to stop tweeting my mental breakdowns is one lmao.

Would you go ghost/alien hunting?

both tbh, who wants to break into abandoned houses w me, i live in front of one,,, i mean not so infront but in the row of houses infront of me lmao english whO? dude rosetta stoned by tool is my aesthetic, alien stuff. bex listen to it pls

Best pickup line? (you’ve heard or used on you/you’ve used)

u r the best chair *proceeds to sit on em* keith to shiro probably

Mint or fruit gum?

I dont like gum much cos it makes me hungry or thirsty. I also drink too much soda to fuck w mint stuff :(( say that to the mints i bought lol :( i only eat halls or gum bc im nerves w ppl so they stopped bein a thing i enjoy for me lol. i do that since im like,,, uh,,, idK 15. it fuckd my stomach

What do you want to be remembered for?

I mean if I have to pick and b unrealistic, for art maybe,,, or for the thing i end up working with, like architecture or somethin. Art, def art cus i like art so much

ZURI’S QUESTIONS!!!

1.-if you had to chose one thing to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?

I MEAN THIS QUESTION IS THE DEVIL I GET TIRED OF EVERYTHING TO THE POINT I DONT WNAN EAT ANYTHING I WILL JUST IGNORE IT SSAYS ONE AND SAY MEXICAN FOOD

2.- what are you most afraid of? Mental illnes and being ill and living

3.- do you have a favorite place to visit?

I mean,,,, i love walking in the center? centre? of my city bc is like going to another place. Is also fucking Cuba in there. Everyone says that, my dad asked a cuban marine he met if it was true and he said it was ‘’ the fackin same’’ So its like,,, travelling in time and places. also the beach and the port.

4.- what type of weather you enjoy the most?

I need the sun, otherwise i get sad… i like cloudy w sun. I just like to go out in the afternoon tho lol so like,,, sun pls so the sky can turn pinkish

5.- do you have a rare ability like dislocating your thumb or moving your eyes really fast?

i move my tongue real real fast and also can do the cherry knot thing and uh i can like, be aberrantly stupid too. hey but dont fuk w me and bother me 4 bein stupid, i will fist fite u and i mite b stupid but i will also mite think u r stupid if i don like u so fuk off. Dam,,, i get like, bothered so easy LOL like, think u r better than me and i’ll fist fite u LMFAO WHY THO I SUK, but like, if not bothered, i think of everyone as my equal… wow this was not the question

6.- do you think it would be easier to create one universal lenguage or an accurate translator? nO… dont delete culture like that,,, an accurate translator mite come in handy u kno but like, some languages have words that don’t exist in others so like :-/

7.- is there something that soothes you no matter what? um no i wish

8.- favorite piece of clothing? boots and thights

9.- is there a song stuck in your head right now? YEAH dig down by muse i love it, every1 says it sUCLks but i can’t stop listenin to it

10.- why is your favorite animal your favorite animal? i don play favs but i love the honey badger bc of this pleas fuckin watch it and THIS

11.- morning person or late riser? Oh,, i cant wake up to save my life so late riser

SUNNY’S QUESTIONS!!!

1. do you have any plushies? a LOT but im like,,, they r in my wardrobe and i luv em but like,,, they’re all gifts,,, did u kno one of my past bffs bought me a dino for christmas?

2. have you ever walked out the cinema before?

Yeah, i love drive’s aesthetic and Ryan gosling a lot but is SO boring so idk if my friends and I got kicked out or we prefered to get out to talk haha.

3. if you could have a mascot what would it be and why?

A CHINCHILLA, they’re a irl pokemon and they r so cUTE

4. what would your theme song be? kool thing, sonic youth maybe or is she weird by pixies. All Over the world by pixies too lol

5. do you have any phrases or sayings you find yourself coming back to often? not really, im so bad at remembering sayings and quotes

6what’s the nearest object to your right? a book called azul by ruben dario

7. would you rather live in the big city or out in the middle of nature?

Big city forever. I love high? buildings a lot. I dont do that well in the rural life lmao

8. are you working on any creative projects right now (fic/art/music/photography/ect) Nope at all and das sad cus i should b doing art lmao

9. what’s your favourite movie score? idk what is score… but the soundtrack of trainspotting is one of my favs… oh but score… aghgsdhaj any tarantino movie tbh or wes anderson movie… or before I disappear or demolition oR southpaw or the girl w the dragon tattoo

10. i say vol you say….? uuhhhhh,,,,, vol….tron??? (ICONIC, I MELT, I LVOE HIM)

#if any of u actually read this all omg i am love u #tag meme #this was uh long #i changed it so u don have to read all mineeee lol #if u have sideblogs where u'd rather post this then do it :)#i typed brownie as browney rIP

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