#would you believe me if i told you 95% of this was from memory

[jenanigans1207]

I work in inpatient rehab at my local hospital. The average length of stay is roughly 7 days. I have had a 95 year old gentleman as my patient for the last 16 days.

From the very first day I worked with him, he was a gem. We became fast friends and had a great time working together. He was in the hospital for a stroke and I was there to get him up and taking his first steps after it happened all the way to climbing stairs again.

The last few days, he hasn’t been feeling as well and his spirits have been down in the dumps, too. We’ve done a lot of talking around our therapy and he’s told me the highlights of his life; his favorite memories. When he finally admitted to me that he was depressed, I told him that I knew but I was proud of him for acknowledging it. I asked how I could help and he said “you always do.”

Tomorrow he is being discharged from the hospital to go to his next care facility and I don’t work tomorrow, so I said goodbye to him today. When I expressed to him how truly proud of him I was, he apologized for not making more progress.

We talked for awhile about everything and I reiterated not just how far he had come, but how truly lucky I felt to be a part of his recovery and to get to work with him. He was the highlight of my day for 16 days and I told him that.

And then he told me that he knows he’s 95 and he can’t be around forever. He told me that no matter what, he’ll always be looking down on me and watching over me. He said “I can’t wait to see you turn 95, and see what a happy life you lead.”

He told me that he will be a robin, and any time I see one, it will just be him coming by to check on me and let me know he’s still around. He cried telling me this, and I cried hearing it.

16 days ago this man was a stranger, and now I’ll never look at robins the same way again. 16 days ago I walked into his room and said “Hi, my name is Jen, and I’m going to be your PT!” And now I can call this truly lovely man my friend.

You just. You never know how meeting a new person will go. Trust me, I’ve been yelled at, hit, made to bleed, etc. it’s part of the job, I know that. And I often do get really wonderful patients, too. I do. But every once in a while, you get someone who is truly special and makes a unique impact on your life, and that’s what this patient was for me.

He always worked so hard with me, and never turned me down. He put his trust in me and told me he believed in himself because I believed in him and he knew I’d never lie to him.

I told him to come back and visit as a friend once he finished recovering and he promised he would, and that it would be one of the most special reunions of his life. I told him it would be for my life, too.

Anyway, I just feel really lucky to have been a part of his recovery and to befriend him the last 16 days and our conversation today will stay with me for a long, long time. This is my fourth time crying about it.

It’s days like today and patients like him that remind me why I do this and why I care so much. I’m going to miss seeing him every day terribly but I’m choosing to believe it’s not a permanent goodbye and I’m so looking forward to celebrating with him in the future.

[fleurywiththesave]

#29 for mattdrai please!

29. Time jumping/time travel/fix-it

Leon gladly would've slept for at least two more hours, but he said he would meet his trainer at 8:00, so out of necessity, he is technically awake. His eyes are mostly closed and he's making his way to the kitchen based on muscle memory, so he yelps and jumps about a foot in the air when he hears someone say, "Where the FUCK am I?!"

It's Matthew. Except...no, it's not. Or it is, but not Leon's Matthew. This Matthew looks like a teenager. A teenager who's terrified and trying to be brave about it.

"Um," Leon says. "When, uh. When did you...get here?"

"I don't know," not-Matthew says. "I swear I fell asleep in my room and then I woke up here. Wherever here is."

"Where are you supposed to be?" Leon asks.

"I'm supposed to be in Michigan!" not-Matthew answers, voice quavering ever so slightly. "Where am I? What's going on?"

Leon stares at not-Matthew. Not-Matthew stares at him, then squints.

"You look kind of familiar," he says. "I don't know you, do I?"

"I." Leon's not big on sci-fi, but Nuge loves it and he's definitely made Leon listen to some moderately unhinged rants about the space-time continuum that now have him doubting what he should and shouldn't say. "I'm Leon Draisaitl."

Not-Matthew snorts. "Leon Draisaitl from the WHL? I think you're a little old for that, dude."

"You're not wrong about that," Leon says. Jesus, he's sweating like crazy. Seriously, how is he supposed to navigate this? "Well. What's the last thing you remember?"

Not-Matthew frowns. "I don't know. I went to a party with Matts and." He suddenly stops talking and turns bright red, taking a couple steps back like he wants to put more space between them. "I want to go home."

Leon would also like nothing more than to know how to make that happen. Should he call Matthew? That seems to fix things like 95% of the time, space-time continuum be damned.

"I, uh. I'm going to make a phone call. Try to figure this out. You should—eat. Yeah. Eat something."

"What—" Leon manages to miss the end of the sentence by bolting back to his room as fast as possible, grabbing his phone, and hitting 2 on his speed dial.

"Okay, you're going to think I'm crazy, but just hear me out," he begins the second Matthew answers. "I'm in Germany like I'm supposed to be, but you're here too. Not you-you, like...teenage you. USNTDP-you is in my living room in Cologne and I don't know what the fuck to do."

There's a long silence. Then Matthew says, "Oh shit, that's now?"

"'That's now?'" Leon repeats "You know about this?!"

"Of course I do. It's me. It was me? I don't know, are both of us me or is he him and I'm me?"

"Matthew," Leon interjects. "What the hell is going on?"

"It's me," Matthew repeats. "I guess I should've warned you, but I never had a frame of reference for the time, sorry."

"So you just never mentioned it at all?!" Leon asks, feeling ever so slightly hysterical. Matthew laughs.

"You would've believed me?"

"...Fair."

"Look, I don't know how it happened either. I just know that I woke up that day in your apartment, and a few hours later I was back in Ann Arbor."

"But why?"

He can practically hear Matthew smiling through the phone. "Last night — his last night, not our last night — is when I hooked up with Matts and had that meltdown because I realized that I didn't necessarily like him, but I definitely liked guys." Yeah, Matthew's told him about that. He calls it his Big A-Gay-kening, which Auston hates and Mitch finds hilarious. "So I fell asleep completely freaking out and then I woke up with, well, you. I guess the universe was trying to show me that things would turn out okay. Better than okay. You were really nice to me and when I got back, things didn't seem so scary."

Well. Even if this is all total lunacy, that's a pretty nice thought. "So I should tell you about us?"

"Not all the gory details, my virgin ears can't handle it. I don't remember exactly what you said, but I know you let me unload on you and you told me a little bit about my future. Our future." Our future. It's literally happening right now for Leon, but he still goes kind of warm all over at the words.

"And how do we get you back?"

"True love's kiss?" Matthew answers.

"I am not kissing a sixteen-year-old!" Leon hisses, and Matthew laughs again.

"It was worth a shot. No, I fell asleep after the existential crisis was somewhat resolved and when I woke up, I was home. Easy as pie."

Leon can handle that. Probably. Apparently, since Matthew remembers it so fondly. He's still going to find a way to make him pay later for never having told Leon about this.

"Hey," he says, something occurring to him. "If you've known since then that we were going to end up together, why were you such a dick for so long?"

"Come on, baby, I couldn't blow my cover! Besides, you never would've been so taken with me if I hadn't been a dick. It was part of my charm." Leon refuses to validate that, but he knows Matthew is right. "Call me when I'm gone, okay? I want to hear all about it."

"Yeah, I will. I love you."

"Love you too. Good luck."

Leon gives himself exactly two minutes after they hang up to take a few breaths and get himself hyped up, then he walks back into the living room.

"Hey," he says to not-Matthew, who's sitting on the couch, squeezing his hands together tightly and looking a little red around the eyes. "Do you want to talk?"

[strugglingwriterwattpad]

cherry bomb pt 2 - glen mcreynolds x reader

everybody wants some 2016 - Glen McReynolds x reader.

In 1980s Texas, college athlete Jake Bradford moves into the communal house of his baseball team. The roommates soon begin to navigate the ups and downs of growing up unsupervised. The houses are in need of renovation bringing in the new landlord that quickly takes Glen McReynolds, captain of the team interest.

Word count – 20,996 in total

With a firm knock at her door (Y/N) scrambled with her shoes swiftly opening it with a bright smile. "Holy shit." She heard him mutter. She was wearing an ivory, silk dress with shoulder sleeves, a tie in the middle and a tight bottom finishing mid-thigh. Her heels were delicate and brown matching his trousers. "You look amazing." He spoke grabbing hold of her hand and pulling her lightly out her door frame. Once she locked her door her attention moved quickly to him linking arms as they walked down the metal steps of her apartment complex. "Thank you. You look handsome too." She smiled. "Are we meeting the guys at the sound?" she asked watching him nod his head. "Thought you would want a little alone time." He whispered. "I also thought we could actually get to know each other instead of flirting." (Y/N) was shocked at his words not believing he actually wanted to get to know her as a person and not her body. "Well, what do you want to know captain?" she asked masking her state of shock. "Everything. Your major, your family, your interest. Who is (Y/N) landlord (S/N)"

"Well, I'm a senior, I major in business studies. I also study interior design on the side. I work for my dad in the building industry, but my main focus is the design side. I learnt the construction side if I take over the business. At the minute it's just me and Dad but I have an older brother, but he studies away." She paused for a moment worrying Glen. She smiled lightly memories flooding her brain from her childhood. "Surprisingly I really like baseball." His eyes widened with a big grin. "Seriously." He asks, she nodded. "There wasn't a girl’s team where I grew up, so I helped my brother when he was on the team. I had a really good swing before we stopped playing." Her smile quickly disappeared at the thought of her end to baseball wishing she had continued even if the industry was in favour of women's teams. "I wish I kept going." His mind was planning something for her as soon as she admitted to missing the game, hoping tomorrow he could help her.

The two quickly reached their destination following the line in and finding the group all attempting to pull a girl for the night. "Oh, yeah, 95 on the gun, official." Glen rolled his green eyes at the sound of Jay’s annoying voice hoping he wouldn't cause trouble for him tonight. Glen quickly pulled (Y/N) towards the table slipping her into the last seat and standing by her. "Could've gone to anywhere in Texas. I had a stack of offers about that high, that high." (Y/N) tried to pretend she liked Jay not wanting to hurt his feelings as she found him as annoying as the group did. "Were you drafted?" Finn asked knowing full well he wasn't. the blonde slipped the two late friends a beer smiling with a wink towards his captain. "Yeah, yeah. The Blue Jays almost picked me up, but I told them I'm going to college for a couple of years." (Y/N) looked up towards the gobby pitcher annoyed at his lie. "that's not true." She confirmed all the attention going towards her. "Oh yeah how would you know that princess." Jay mocked. (Y/N) placed a hand on Glen’s leg squeezing lightly before he could jump to her defence. "The blue jays don't draft high school graduates. They go after college graduates only, so their teams are of similar ages. They also go for a size which you clearly don't have." Her final comment hit Niles hard as the group laughed. "McReynolds was." Kenny interrupted. "Got drafted by the diamond backs last year." Glen finished. With the final comment, Jay marched away in a huff. "Fucking loser," Glen grumbled.

The night was slow for the rest of the group but Glen and (Y/N) enjoyed their time together, drinking laughing and dancing. For once in his life, Glen felt whole. Like the missing piece in his life had finally been filled by her. Her angelic smile, addicting laugh, glowing skin and perfect body. She was everything he could have dreamed of. And he was for her. In such a brief time he was able to wiggle his way into her broken heart, healing it with each touch and smile towards her. She loved it and hoped it would last a lifetime. "I wanna ask you something." He spoke twirling her before clutching onto her waist in a fast waltz. Before the two could converse, the room erupted in shouts. Their attention went towards the bar watching the team wrestle staff out of the way. Jay had started a fight. "Come on let's leave before they get dragged out." He ordered holding onto her tight as they raced out the doors.

"Don't bring your ass around here!" the group quickly followed the couple out being pushed and dragged by staff. Glen kept hold of (Y/N) the chilly air nipping her lightly realising she hadn't thought to bring a jacket or covering. "Bunch of fucking numb nuts!" Jay growled. "What the fuck, Niles!" Kenny argued smacking the pitcher across the head. "Well, that was ugly."

"I don't know, just based on an outsider's perspective, totally avoidable," Finn spoke. "Well, I'm a fucking raw dog, all right? Anybody who fucks with me, they don't get fucked with the back! They get fucking killed!" (Y/N) rolled her eyes at his statement soon catching on that all he did was lie and cause problems. "The only thing you killed tonight was the prospect of any of us getting laid!" coma argued. "Your fucking junkyard dog routine from fucking Detroit might make you feel tough, but it's not helping out any of your fucking teammates. Watch that shit in the future." Glen shouted. "Oh, shut up and walk your whore home!"

"Excuse me!" (Y/N)'s voice forced the group to shut up rage plastered all over her face. "don't start insulting me just because you've been caught out of your bullshit raw dog performance. The only thing you've got is a god complex dipshit."

"It's crazy we're fucking defending this guy," Jake spoke. "Let's go back to your place." Mac suggested, "Ignore him don't waste energy on that moron." She agreed to lead the two out of the carnage of Jay Niles.

Locking the door behind them, (Y/N) set her shoes down by her door sighing in relief. Glen walked his way towards her record player flipping through each album. (Y/N) raided her fridge for any sort of beverage finding her last two beers. As she closed the door, Glen picked a song. Nights in white satin. "a slow song?" she questioned passing him one of the two beers. He took the bottle reaching over for her own and placed them down on the coffee table. "One last dance for tonight?" he asked. She nodded her head quickly wrapping her arms around his neck. He took charge swaying their hips as they did at the sound machine. "You were gonna say something back at the sound?" she muttered, her glittering eyes never leaving his green pair. He smiled lightly at her, loving the feeling of her skin on his. It felt better in the confines of her home, they were alone, free to do as they pleased. And all he desired for once was to have this girl swaying to the music with him. "I was gonna ask you if you would consider with me." Her tilted head straightened itself out in shock. "Seriously?" she breathed her styled hair falling the cover her eyes slightly. Glen took his way out of her own for a second to swipe the fallen strands away, feeling the heat from her reddened cheeks. "Yeah. I know I don't have a good rap, but I want to change that. I really like you (Y/N), like I'm totally into you in a way I've never been with any girl." She smiled widely a little giggle escaped her lips. "I wanna prove it to you. If you'll let me."

The two had stopped swaying, completely focused on the conversation. She paused before speaking, trying to figure out what he really intended. She eyed his body language. His eyes were focused on her own, legs frozen in place and arms clutched to her like he was going to lose her any second. He was panicked and stressed. worried she would ask him to leave. But (Y/N) didn't want him to leave. She never wanted him to leave again. "I'll trust you Glen But seriously, any funny business and I'm gone. Don't make me regret it." McReynolds, a smile grew wide under his facial hair before moving his arms to wrap around her waist locking her in. "I promise, you won't regret it," he vowed placing a well-desired kiss on her cheek.

With a click on the door, Glen marched into his frat house with pride. The majority of the boys had split taking a girl into their rooms for the night. But Kenny and Plummer were left downstairs, drinking the remainder of their beers in light conversation. "Well here comes the man of the night. Where's our landlord?" Kenny smiled drawing the attention to Glen as he joined them on the sofa. "Miss landlord is at home. and your captain has got himself a captainess." He joked. The two teammates smiled widely patting his back with pride. "Dude congrats. How do you do it?" Plummer asked. "We went back to her place and just danced to her music. I asked her to give me a chance to prove I can change my ways." The boys watched their captain intensely, his demeanour had completely y changed from the arrogant senior to a man in love. Neither of them was brave enough to suggest the dreaded l word but deep down they knew their captain was in love. "So, you're gonna stop it all. the flirting the sex. Everything?" Plummer questioned. "For her? Fuck yeah!" Glen smiled.

The hangovers quickly had to be ignored as the team got ready for practice. Glen, Finn and Kenny all agreed to take (Y/N) to practice giving Glen much-deserved time with his new girlfriend. His two friends knew they were gonna lose their best bachelor to their landlord but gladly accepted it knowing he was happier around her than fucking the other girls that lined themselves up. "So (Y/N) what's your plan after college?" Kenny asked watching her through his wing mirror. Glen sat by her in the back their thighs brushing from the tightness of the back seats. "Nothing major just work for my dad. It depends on what he has planned. The idea was that my brother and I would go to college for business, and he would choose one of us to take over the business but I'm not planning on getting my hopes up." Finn turned to the back looking at her like she had insulted his own mother. "Are you shitting me! You're amazing. If he doesn't pick you to take over, your brother must be really fucking good." She smiled lightly as the other two laughed along with her. "Actually, he's terrible. But he also has to put into account most contractors we employ don't want to work with a girl let alone have a girl as a boss." The three sighed heavily at the idea of her losing her chance due to her gender. "Fucking assholes." Glen muttered. "that's the way it goes. I'm used to it. it was a lot harder to get their respect at the start but when I did a better job on my own than a whole group of guys it puts them in their place." Mac chuckled admiring his girlfriend's independence. "What about you guys? Planning on doing baseball after college?" she asked as they pulled into the field’s car park. All four of them stepped out into the sun and stood to wait for the rest of the group. "I'm assuming, Glen, you're really good to be drafted by the diamond backs." She smiled picking up her bag and following the trio into the dugout. "Well, I'm a captain for a reason." He teased with a wink. "If you wait here (Y/N) we’re gonna get changed. Be right back." She nodded her head lightly covering her eyes to block out the sun. Before she sat herself down, Mac jumped towards her sliding his dark shades onto the bridge of her nose. "can't have the sun in your eyes when I hit a home run." He smirked. His confidence seemed to rise allowing him to quickly place a kiss on her reddened cheek before catching up to Finn and Kenny.

"It's this physiological phenomenon where if you close your eyes, and someone puts a finger just below your chest bone, in your solar-plexus, it semi-paralyzes the upper torso... you can't sit up." Finn was in the middle of trying to convince Jake they had paralysed Nesbit. But Glen was in a world of his own as he hit his bat against his feet. The girl waiting outside wouldn't leave his mind. He knew he had to act on what he had promised her, planning their next date in his head. She was different to the typical flowers and dinner date. She wasn't high class expecting the world. But she was expecting him to try. And try he would. He just needed a bit of help. A hard smack snapped him out of his trance watching Brumley's bare ass rise from the floor it was once at. "Dude, did you see that?" Kenny asked. Glen shook his head turning back to the bat. "Come one man. you've been acting weird since last night." His friend sat beside him as they watched the group mingle before the game. "I like her Ken, she's different." He confessed. "Well, you've got her where you wanted her man. Take her out on a real date. Show her you're taking this promise seriously." He questioned once again he shook his head. "How about you invite her to the party next Saturday? Get some alone time with her, maybe do a bit of skinny dipping in the river." the two chuckled lightly. "Why don't you ask Perkins how he got his girlfriend to go out with him? if he says anything about feeding her from a trot, run."

The team had finished their warmup and had moved on to batting practice. Jay had made himself the pitcher making everyone groan wishing Willoughby was back from wherever he had gone. "don't watch (Y/N) he's like a kid having a tantrum." Jake joked making her sigh heavily. "I don't think he's very fond of me." She muttered not sounding very sad about the statement. "He just doesn't like it when he can't get his way. He wanted to try something with you and Glen put a stop to it. He called dibs on you like you were some toys." (Y/N) watched as Glen stood to bat next swaying the metal bat to get ready. "Glen did that the first day?" she asked. "you're kidding right? He might as well be in love with you. You do realise he hasn't even spoken to another girl since you came over since coach introduced you?" she shook her head biting down on her lower lip, her chest warming up at the thought of Glen. "no. I didn't know that." She whispered a newfound confidence in his promise.

"Hey, Detroit!" she snapped herself out of her daydream at glens angry shout. "Those fucking goggles, you can't use those to read. The schedule says, "batting practice." Scrimmage is later. What the fuck, man." Jay smacked his glove down to the ground creating a puff of dust as he did. "Yeah. All right, well, I'm not afraid to get this over with right here, right now." The whole team stopped everything turning all their attention to the two. "Get what over?"

"I'm a fucking pro prospect, too, and you know it. I'm not afraid to challenge you, man. And everybody else on this team. I'm sick of you getting all the girls, all the drinks. I'm better than all of you. I'm drafted. I'm a leader. in the raw dawg. And that prude you call your girl is pissing me off. Fucking bitch is all over you distracting us, fucking slut" (Y/N) neck snapped towards the pitcher, anger growing in the pit of her stomach. "I dare you to insult me when I'm closer Jay." She shouted, Jake, blocking her way onto the field. "it's not worth it." he reminded her holding her arm as Plummer held back Mac. "Shut his mouth, Mac," Plummer whispered. Mac looked back towards the dugout, (Y/N) rageful glare ruined by her eyes brimmed with tears. "All right? Okay, meat, you wanna try to make that starting rotation on your first BP session, huh? Be my guest." He aimed once again. (Y/N) watched from Jake's grip. She slid down the sunglasses eyeing his stance as the ball came flying towards him. with a hard swing, the ball went soaring into the sky ending up just outside the field marking a home run. "Go, Mac." She shouted clapping her hands.

"I think you've had enough, raw dog. Is that the best shit you got? That am not close to touching ninety, son. Whom are you fooling? Get that ball, I'll fucking sign it for you." The captain marched towards the dugout trying to ignore Jay's grovelling. You know, I will get the fucking ball. Do you know what I'll do? I'll shove it up your ass and I'll sign it! How's that sound?" the metal bat went down to the grass with a clank, Mac turned with force his anger getting the best of him. "Yeah, hey, do you know what, do what you do best, Niles, keep running that fucking mouth, 'cause it makes you feel better, right? Do you get your teammates in a fight and kicked out of a bar, 'cause you wanna look fucking tough? You insult a woman who's been nothing but good to us. You're fucking selfish, man! It's not about you! Go fuck yourself."

Glen finished his speech just one foot out of the dugout before marching down the steps towards (Y/N). She sat down, knees to her chest and he fought back the anger bubbling inside her stomach. "Ignore him," he spoke softly. "Please don't listen to him. you're not distracting us you're not a prude and you're not a slut." He situated himself down next to her placing his large hand on her knee looking for a sign he was doing something right. "I'm sorry if I'm distracting you all," she muttered into her legs just loud enough for him to hear. "Fuck no! If anything you make us work harder. I'm glad you're here." She looked up into his fern eyes with a light smile. "Jake told me you stopped Jay from trying anything with me. Why so early on?" he sighed heavily pulling himself closer to her to the point the warmth of her body was radiating onto him. "Because I knew he wasn't gonna treat you right."

"Is that it?"

"Well, I can't deny...you had my heart from day 1." He spoke with a wink. "I told you (Y/N). I really do like you. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything right." Her smile grew wider knowing everything she had told him over the last few days had stuck in his head. He was different from the rumours. He was kind and thoughtful. Almost loyal. That part she couldn't tell just yet. "We’re gonna go swimming after practice, Roper offered to swing by your apartment if you want to join?" she nodded her head lightly as he stood up placing a warm kiss on her forehead. As he leaned back, she pulled him towards her again, her lush lips brushing his own. His confidence grew closing the gap between the two. He had never felt a kiss so powerful but yet so innocent and light. she had never felt so much emotion through a single kiss. There was no lust, no smugness. Just pure innocent, teenage love. And they both loved it.

"All right, boys. All right, bring it up, bring it up! All right, listen up, good first practice. This is where it all starts. We're out here, ahead of all the other teams in the country, and we're gonna keep it that way and work hard all year, right?" the practice had finally ended with sore-muscled and trained freshers but not everything was done for their big welcome to the team. "All right then, boys, y'all be good." Perkins was the first to try and escape not being one to enjoy hanging out with the rest of his team. He failed his plan miserably with Dale wrapping his sweaty arms around the country boy. "Uh-uh-uh! Not so fast." He laughed maliciously. "We have a little tradition out here welcoming in the new guys," Finn explained. Kenny grabbed hold of two duffle bags unzipping them. "It's called a little bit of freshmen...Batting practice!" he picked up a roll of duct tape passing them around the group as they all laughed. "And a slight change of the rules. For your gobby mouth Niles, you'll also be joining them." Glen smiled grabbing the transfer and slamming him into the metal wall in the field. "I'm gonna enjoy every second of this." He growled pulling the tape apart to get started.

All five boys have finally taped up the wall each one at different heights and distances apart. (Y/N) had leant herself over the side of the dugout laughing loudly as the boys pelted the freshers with baseballs. "Woo!" she watched McReynolds enjoy his revenge, each ball he hit aimed straight at Niles which pissed off the lying raw dawg even more. "Hey (Y/N)! Your turn." Glen smiled swigging another bat towards his girlfriend. She smiled widely and quickly joined the group in their torture. "Hey Nile! Be very grateful you're wearing a guard right now because this ball would be going straight for your dick." She chuckled. "Like hell, you could aim that good!" he mocked. "Well see about that." Glen aimed, swinging the ball into her path and with a mighty clash the bat made contact with the ball. Each guy froze, the girl’s ball being the main focus. It quickly collided with Jay’s stomach earning a growl of pain. "Fucking bitch." He groaned. "that's my girl." Glen muttered, his strong arms around the front of her collarbones, his body resting on her back. "Told you I was a good hit." She smiled ignoring the looks from the team.

"Holy shit," Finn muttered as he, Glen and Kenny all entered her apartment one by one. The studio apartment was full of colour the only pieces of white were the small bits of wall peeking through all the decoration. "Sorry it's a bit...vibrant." (Y/N) laughed placing her bag on her dining chair. "I'll go grab a swimsuit. There are snacks under the record player if you want anything." As soon as she left to go into the bathroom the trio sat down on her mustard-coloured sofa moving hot pink cushions and zebra stripe throws from their seat. "Is she still upset about what Detroit said?" Kenny asked pocking the cactus that sat on the coffee table. "I don't think so. I think I distracted her enough." Glen chuckled. "Dude, you need a game plan."

"I'm gonna set the party up and walk to hers to meet her. I'm thinking to spend some time at the party and then go down to the river or maybe the field for some alone time. She doesn't strike me as a girl that likes dinner and a movie." the two teammates completely agreed with him seeing her as more of an adventurous type rather than a romantic, passionate person. "she's smart glen, she needs stimulation to stay curious, give her something to be curious about. And I don't mean your cock, I mean your brain. Give her a taste of what it's like to be with you. Again, I don't mean your cock."

Before Glen could reply, (Y/N) stepped out of the bathroom. Switching the light off as she folded a pink towel into a wash bag. "Ready to go?" she asked untangling her bikini strap underneath a light blue playsuit that hid her swimsuit underneath.

The team quickly descended into the river one by one. Each doing their own heavy splash into the water and wrapping themselves in the pool rings they had bought specifically for the river. "Say cheese, baby!" Kenny yelled wearing only his groin gear. Glen's attention moved towards the hill as his girl stepped carefully down. Her bikini was a pastel colour block design cupping her skin to push everything up. Finally, after questioning the dark design on her inner thigh, he could see the whole thing. Two cherries with the words cherry bomb top and bottom. He smiled widely as she dove in going deep into the water. Soon she resurfaced in the ring next to him wrapping her legs and arm to secure herself in. "Jesus it’s cold." She laughed. The couple quickly started their conversation ignoring the distance going bigger between them and the group. " Five bucks says hell fuck her tonight." Nesbit laughed. "Dude, you heard him," Finn groaned. "he's taking it slow. God, you just want to go, broke dude."

"Do you seriously think he'll wait? This is Glen McReynolds we’re talking about here." Plummer added. The group watched their captain, his smile growing wider at the sound of her angelic laugh. "he's changed." Finn muttered. Kenny dove down with a mischievous smile plastered on his face. After a couple of seconds, he resurfaces flinging the landlord into the freezing water. "Kenny!" she squealed her arms quickly wrapping around herself. Kenny turned towards his captain with a wink signalling him a chance to pick her up with a squeak of surprise. He placed her body on his own feeling her thighs against his own and her ass just brushing his hip. "Comfy?" he smirked watching the blush spread across her cheeks. She nodded her head lightly before resting her head on his toned shoulder. "So, cherry bomb?" he asked gaining confidence and brushing his fingers across her tattoo. "It was a drunk tattoo. My friends in high school dare me to since I played the sound on repeat for the full year." her grin grew at the memory remembering it was a pain to heal due to her thighs rubbing against each other. But she wouldn't get back to change it. she loved it. "I love it, cherry," he growled into her hair kissing and nibbling her ear as she blushed harder.

The group finally decided to step out of the water, Glen being first and grabbing her pink towel before his own. He wrapped the soft fabric around her body securing her into a cocoon-like grip. As they entered the house, he led her to the bathroom letting her dry off in privacy. "My shower stuffs still in there from last night you can use it if you want." He offered. "Thanks, I'll take you up on that offer." He nodded his head quickly leaving the room. He stepped upstairs into his room the flooring was finally complete enough for him to move back in. She rummaged through his drawers grabbed his biggest shirt and went back downstairs. He knocked lightly on the bathroom door listening to the sound of the water falling on the tiled floor. "(Y/N) I've got a shirt you can wear while your stuff dries off." He offered. "I've got a towel covering the window you can come in. Don’t get cocky." She spoke. He lightly stepped inside the steam escaping the small crack he left in the room. The only thing left of her for him to see was her legs making him weak at the knees. "This is torture, you know that right?" he joked placing the folded shirt on the side with her bag. "Good things come to those who wait." She smiled peering out from behind the makeshift towel curtain. "I can feel it, you're gonna be the best I've ever had." He smiled placing a kiss on her moist lips with a groan. The kiss was like nothing she had ever experienced before and on her nights the sound kisses were the main things she only felt comfortable giving out. But this was more than a kiss. Somehow, Glen had shown exactly what she meant to him through a simple kiss. Love, respect, confidence it was like she could taste it all. especially the arousal that was latching onto her. She quickly stopped the kiss holding back her own desires. He she couldn't give in just yet. It had only been a weekend. "It's been one day Glen." She whispered pushing him lightly with her wrinkled fingers. "Be patient." He nodded his head smiling lightly from his thoughts. Oh yeah. This girl was gonna drive him crazy.

When classes hit, (Y/N) expected to see Glen less and less. Knowing he preferred to get classes done and get training as soon as possible. But that wasn't the case. His romantic, teddy bear side had sprung out of nowhere. Flowers taped to her locker, waiting for her outside her classes, joining her for lunch, and study dates. The whole shebang. And she did the same for him. made sure he wasn't bunking off classes, joining the team in the dugout to watch him play, making sure he ate enough of the right food instead of leftovers and beer. Their favourite thing to do was go to the baseball field at late hours taking turns to bat and pitch in between making out in the dugout almost going all the way like teenagers in high school. (Y/N) knew she wanted him, probably more than he wanted her now. But she was waiting just a little bit longer. I little more time with him showing her he could go without her body. The little thigh touches, neck kisses and light heavy petting were enough for now. And glen was also okay with the arrangement. He knew she was slowly breaking down her walls and he could tell how much she was trying for him. it was all he could ask for. Especially now she had lost friends because of him and his reputation. All he could do was worship the ground she walked on and so he did.

The two had quickly become a power couple on campus. And his usual flings didn't like it one bit. One by one the girls in her classes stopped talking to her, ignoring her when it came to classes, study groups and potential projects. But (Y/N) didn't care too much, the girls were stuck up. The only thing she did mind was the names she was being called due to the knowledge of (Y/N) making Glen wait to have sex with her. Prude, princess, diva. She knew from the names they used jay had spread it around, especially when they started calling her the baseball slut. That one she hated the most. The only nickname she answered to was Cherry. His cherry

Friday classes were almost finished for Bev and (Y/N), they decided to sit in the canteen as they both waited for their boyfriends to be done with their classes. The two enjoyed their frozen yoghurt in peace, books spread out for their upcoming maths tests. "I wouldn't worry too much about your test Bev, they go easy on the freshers." (Y/N) reassured. "I know but I don't want to be seen as a slacker. Speaking of slacking, I need your help deciding on ideas for Oz." the business major nodded her head finishing off her portion of her yoghurt knowing Glen would finish it straight away. "I promise ill to come help but don't expect me to do this elaborate performance. I quit drama for a reason. I sucked." The auburn-haired girl laughed lightly; her eyes focused on the two boys joining them at their table. Like (Y/N) predicted, Glen, scooped up the remainder of her yoghurt, throwing away the container before sitting down by his woman. "Afternoon ladies." He joked kissing her cheek, his moustache brushing against her cheek. "How was class?" she asked closing her study books. "No more talk about school, please." Jake groaned. "Okay Saturday night, we’re having a house party, as 'members' of the team, you are obligated to attend." The girls sighed lightly knowing it was gonna be a typical night of frat parties. "Okay fine." (Y/N) sighed. The two boys picked themselves back up turning to the salad bar and grabbing themselves a snack. Before the two girls could continue with their conversation, Glen came marching back with a task on his mind. He tilted (Y/N)'s head with his hand making her lips accessible to his own. With a light butterfly motion, he kissed her passionately pulling as much emotion as he could into it. once he released her, he looked down at her small smile her eyes twinkling back at him. "Missed you, Cherry" He whispered pulling her bottom lips with his teeth before catching up to Jake.

"Well, there goes my plan." (Y/N) muttered. "Oh, and what plans were those?" Beverly asked tidying her study guide before Jake could spill anything on it. "I think Glens waited enough." She whispered. "But it's only been a month? Come on (Y/N) he can wait a bit longer." Bev tried to convince her friend, not trusting the captain to do anything stupid to hurt her. "I know I know. But to be honest. I can't wait." She admitted. Her friend's eyes shot up shocked at the idea of (Y/N) finally feeling comfortable with someone. And that person being Captain Glen McReynolds of all people. "Seriously?" She nodded her head. "He wouldn't be doing all these things with me if he didn't want to be with me. Right?"

"I mean I guess not." Bev admitted, "If you're okay with it then go for it. just be careful, okay?"

The party had quickly been set up with different activities for the guys to enjoy their usual party guests. Girls. Lots and lots of girls. (Y/N) was quick to adjust to the number of women surrounding the boys, not minding it unless Glen did something stupid. But he never did. He didn't even speak to them anymore. (Y/N) and Bev stepped into the house instantly being drawn to the mattress slide they had made on the staircase. Thank God that wasn't one of the things (Y/N) needed to fix because that would have been a big problem. "Welcome to the party ladies, Jakes is in the backyard with Justin and Mac on the balcony." The two girls thanked Nesbit as he picked up another girl to take down the 'slide.' "This is gonna be the best." She heard Plummer speak. The balcony was full to the brim with different bottles, fruit and buckets full of jungle juice. Glen, being one of the teammates to help with the punch. "That's some pussy shit. It tastes like fruit punch." Coma groaned. Glen sighed heavily picking up another bottle of vodka to please him. "All right, so this is about done." The group agreed, taking a swig. "Well, if I want to get blackout drunk, I know what to drink." (Y/N) joked drawing Glen’s attention towards her.

Once again, she matched what he was wearing, red. Cherry red tight trousers with black pumps, a white crop top pushing her breasts up and a black leather jacket. He was stunned. "Damn, baby." He groaned quickly wrapping his strong arms around her waist. His hands clutched her ass tightly making her smile brightly. "Hello to you too tenant." She giggled placing her painted lips on his own, lipstick sticking to his facial hair. "You look fucking amazing, Cherry." He grunted. "You're killing me (Y/N). You're killing me." The girl pulled herself away brushing the red tint off his lips. "Well, enjoy tonight. Come find me when the party dies down." As Bev pulled her along Glen watched her tight ass walk away, making their way to the kitchen for their stash of drink he hid the night before. "Do you think you'll get lucky tonight?" coma asked. "God, I hope so. She's really testing me." He murmured finishing off the bottle of vodka in his hands.

The two girls enjoyed their time, taking a turn at the mattress slide together and attempting the dizzy batting practice Jake and Justin were doing. For a bit, Glen joined them clearly the drunkest he had ever been. She was glad he had enjoyed himself, but he clearly wouldn't be in the mindset to have sex for the first time which upset her. but she knew at the sound of her approval he would come running to her. "(Y/N) I bet you could do a keg stand," Nesbit asked setting up a new keg that Alex tried to finish. "Not a chance in this outfit id flash everyone." She smiled finishing her beer. "I'll shield you Cherry come on give it a go." She shook her head taking the drink away from Glen before he could get any drunker. "No way I draw the line at getting as drunk as you are tonight." (Y/N) quickly chucked the remainder of his drink away into the bushes. "Why don't we get you some water Mac?" she asked brushing his hair out his face. He tried his best to nod his head as she sat him down on the steps of the porch "I'll be back in a sec." she quickly wandered off into the kitchen filling a glass of clear liquid. "how's it going?" Beverly asked leaning against the counter with Jake following close behind her. "I don't think tonight's the night." She mumbled disappointedly. "he's so drunk." Bev agreed reassuring her the time would come eventually.

(Y/N) walked back over to where she had left Glen realising there was no sign of him. "Glen?" she called getting nothing back. She followed the wood floorboards to the stairs seeing no sign of Glen so far. As she made it to the landing sounds of moans and groans entered her ears. Someone was clearly enjoying themselves. She finally made it to the room she had just finished renovating that week the sounds of moans grew louder. Shocked, she placed her ear to the door, someone was definitely in there. (Y/N) attempted to open the door. Locked. Glen never locked the door. Ever. She stepped back downstairs panic radiating off her body. "Kenny?" she called hoping to God it was him in the room and not her 'loyal' boyfriend. The co-captain leaned out of the living room his attention focused on the frantic girl. "what's up?" he asked marching towards her once he noticed the fear in her eyes. "There are moans coming from your room. And the doors locked." She stuttered. Kenny's brows arched in confusion. His hands entered her trouser pocket in worry feeling around for something in particular. "I had the key." He explained. "Glen wanted it locked so nobody could trash it." (Y/N) quickly put two and two together realising it must have been her boyfriend in the room. "Only he knew where the key was." Kenny sighed. "It's gone from my pocket."

The two raced back up the stairs praying it wasn't true. Kenny had such hope for his captain. The girl he had pinned over had brought out the best in him. He had stopped caring about sex, and girls and focused on her and even more focused on class and baseball. His attempts to impress her helped him and the team. And Kenny didn't want Glen to ruin this for himself. Kenny leaned against the door, hearing the same sounds as (Y/N) had earlier on. "It might not be him (Y/N) don't panic straight away please ill find the key-" Before he could say anymore, a name was moaned. "Oh fuck, Glen." The voice spoke earning a sigh of anger from Kenny. He turned towards his landlord, the tears already streaming down her once-painted face, mascara following the tears like tar. "(Y/N)." He attempted to speak but he was too late she was already racing down the stairs to escape the party. "Beverly! Jake"

Halfway down the road, (Y/N) held her pumps in her hands, arms wrapped around her for some sort of support. "(Y/N)! Wait" a voice shouted. She turned around seeing Bev out of breath and just as angry as Kenny looked. Without uttering a word, be wrapped herself around her friend. The two of them fell to the ground in defeat. "I'm such an idiot." (Y/N) cried. "I'm so dumb." Her once-walled heart had completely shattered into millions of pieces at just a simple sound. A moan of her man’s name had her crumbling like a crumb on the ground. She never wanted to feel like this again. But here she was once again because of a boy. A heartless, selfish boy she thought he wouldn’t be. For once in her life, she wished she had listened to the girls around her all begging her not to get attached, not to engage. But she did and now she was paying the price.

Back at the house, Kenny walked around hoping what he heard was bullshit. But he couldn't see Glen at all, and until the door opened, they wouldn't know for sure.

[a9saga]

i mentioned this but my grandfather passed away last week. he was 95. my grandmother died in february of 2021 and it's really something that he made it that long without her at his age. they were married 69 years and had 7 children and 21 grandchildren, as well as 11 great grandchildren now with two more on the way. his wake was wednesday night and the memorial mass and burial were yesterday.

my auntie cindy married my dad's oldest brother i believe 50 years ago now. they were high school sweethearts. she knew my grandparents since she was a child, so did the rest of her family for that matter. my grandmother or sometimes my father used to mention a boy in the neighborhood who had unfortunately died very young of a drug overdose. no one outright told me this but i put together when i got older that that was cindy's brother. this is to say of all the in laws that cindy was well acquainted with my family for the longest time, and my family with hers as well.

some months after my grandmother's death, that spring or early summer, cindy had sent out a letter to everyone recalling growing up around my grandmother and marrying into the family, maintaining that relationship for decades. she mentioned something her brother used to say that my grandmother would often quote when cindy wasn't around. she closed the letter with, "i just wanted you to know that i loved your mother like she was my own," which i think was always very evident. cindy's own mother had passed away somewhere over a decade earlier. 4 or 5 years ago diana and i were over her house with our mother, cindy referred to a picture of her mother in the kitchen and said "i talk to her all the time." she's not religious, if that makes it any different. she and everyone else in my family were raised catholic but if you ever get on the topic with her, she thinks the bible and christianity and everything are a load of bullshit. but regardless she does speak to a picture of her mother, which i think is pretty interesting. but i digress.

at the wake, there was a line to the coffin with my grandfather in it. cindy's a sociable person. i got in line behind someone i didn't know. a lot of family friends showed up. cindy came and started chatting her up and she introduced me, and then she told me she'd gotten in line about 6 times but shied away from actually paying her final respects. i was like, wanna do it with me? and she did. so we kneeled before the coffin and she caressed the rosary in his hands, and when we got up i mentioned how much i appreciated her letter in 2021, and it took her by surprise. she said she had wanted to read it as a eulogy at her mother-in-law's funeral but she and my other aunt ended up in a bad argument around it. neither of them are perfect, to be clear. that's not why i'm making this post and i don't plan to elaborate on that.

but anyway, after the burial yesterday everyone went to lunch. i could tell all of my dad's siblings appreciated having each other after both of their parents have died. last weekend my dad and his brother that he's closest to went out to lunch because both my mom and aunt thought they needed it, i know first hand my dad has been very down in the dumps about everything. but anyway, after lunch yesterday when cindy was saying goodbye to me, she rubbed my chin and said "thank you, that was so sweet of you to bring up the letter about connie last night. do you know you had me crying on the way home?"--i don't think i have ever seen cindy cry.

[vlovers19]

“I like him as a person”… I wonder if “as a person” was put here by the editor just like RM is always adding something about “what a good friend” lmao

Idk it seems to me at least Jimin was in love or something. The dumpling incident and the way he was with Tae at that time and later… All shy, then tender, then strained a bit… ya can’t imitate that. The only alternative in my mind is that they were told to “play soulmates” narrative by company, which is honestly… a bullshit? They said no to some songs, so they would say so to something like that.

The question is was the feeling reciprocated? Because I don’t get their dynamics now at all: at times I think they look like soft type of brothers with all these stories about fights and jokes (and scenes like when they imitated a kiss while rehearsal of simple and then grimaced and smiled — that’s smth like “haha sooo funny we’d never really kiss hahaha” to me) and rumors about Tae (hard to not fall for that shit), and at times when something extremely soft happens I feel…gaslighted lmao because jeez I wouldn’t do many of the things they’ve done in 2016-2022 to my siblings, because it feels a bit cringe. There are times of this weird tension idk.

What a weirdly beautiful duo. Sry, just a pure reflection here, because I miss vmin blogs soooo much. Borahae!

Let's be honest. Some of the things in the book are changed to suit the readers. There are various people who will read the book so they would do what they can to satisfy every audiences curiosity but at the same time try to tone things down but just enough to keep you wanting more. It's what they have been doing for so long.

But I want to ask? Why do you feel like this? People have what they call a sixth sense but many choose to ignore it. A lot of people feel something's off with Jimin and Taehyung out of everyone else in the group. This weird dynamics you all are just noticing now because they are in their solo era is something I had noticed a long time ago even while they were in the group but unlike a lot of people, I don't ignore my sixth sense.

Now, we haven't seen the members gathered in one place for a long time but no one questions Jimin and Taehyung's bond with other members. Yet, question their bond with each other even when they see them being close. Even when they call each other soulmates? Even when they try to disprove the rumors around them in their own way. It's not like a full on hate against them. It's more like this boundary most of the fandom has created for them. Almost like a silent warning; we know you are soulmates and all but don't go past that. We don't want to know.

So the sixth sense about whatever might be going on about them is shut off. Most people will rather believe that they are enemies than to reason with that thought nagging at the back of their minds that something is off or weird about them.

Jimin and Taehyung both value friendships. Taehyung is known for even keeping contact with his high school friends. Jimin is more private with his friends but we all know the kind of soul he is. How selfless he is for the people he cares about. Unless a deep betrayal occurred between the two of them. Something neither can forgive each other for then such a thing can happen. Even drifting apart shouldn't be considered because Taehyung wouldn't let that happen. Looking at how close he is with Jungkook who people thought he had drifted apart from should be proof to you. Taehyung loves to mantain relationships and trust me the last person he would want to loose connection with is his fellow 95 liner from Bts who he debuted with, lived with, grew up with, had lots of memories with both the good and bad ones. He hasn't drifted apart from others. Out of everyone in his life, it's Jimin he would rather cut off ties with. Jimin!

Jimin likewise who mantains long term friendships with those close to him like Soonyoung, Taemin amongst others. Out of everyone would choose to be distant from Taehyung while still mantaining friendships with others in the group.

Why are things so different with them? What is up with the two of them? Did they date and break up? Did one of them steal the others beloved? What's with all the secrecy?

But it's none of those things because we can still see even though many choose to ignore it that they have a good rapport with each other but they won't behave like the usual friendships or the usual ship just to satisfy our cravings. They won't do vlives or post their personal pictures for our enjoyment even though they know we desperately want that. They won't let us into that world. They will keep that to themselves no matter what people say about them. Especially now when they will be entering the military, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want the attention on them.

People shouldn't bother about what they will be doing now. They should rather be interested in what happens after their military service because that to me is when the real fun begins. We will really know what's going on. For now, believe in them. Even though people don't want to see them as anything other than the friends they are but at least we should acknowledge the bond they subtly try to show and stop belittling every thing they do because they aren't showing off like typical friends do. I have said enough. Have a great day everyone and let's try to focus on our own lives as well.

[ophelia-jones]

Looking In

Chapter 4 - lock and key

"I remember the day they brought you into Sanctuary. You were covered in Walker guts and weighed about 95 pounds. Yet, when we offered you sanctuary, you had to THINK about it," Negan laughed at the memory. "It wasn't until after you were assured that you could walk away at any time, so long as you didn't take any of our shit with you, that you decided to stick around for a while."

"I have a fear of commitment," Paisley told Negan with a half-smile as she bit into her apple. He chuckled again and took a bite of his own, chewing thoughtfully.

"All things considered, you did well there, though," he told her.

"The fuck I did! The people were terrified of you and your saviors, but that didn't keep them in line. People just became sneakier about stealing from one another and hurting one another. You can't scare human nature out of people," Paisley told him. "I slept better out on my own than I did most nights in that fucking workhouse you built."

"Well, aren't you just miss contrary? I offer you a god-damned compliment and you argue against it!" Negan said, shaking his head at her.

"It's not the first time someone's called me that," Paisley admitted with a meek smile. "Did you really keep track of every fucking person that came and went?"

"No, just the ones that stood out," Negan told her between bites.

"What about me stood out?" she asked in genuine confusion.

"You tried not to stand out, for one thing. You did your best to blend in with the unwashed fucking masses, but you never belonged there," Negan said, tossing his apple core into the brown paper bag she had brought the apples in. He wiped his mustache and beard to clean it from the sticky apple juice.

"That's a load of bollox," Paisley snorted, finishing her own apple. "The only thing that stood out about me was my accent, and I did my best to keep fucking quiet."

Ever since the other night when Negan had spilled the beans to her about having been a gym teacher, he had been wondering why he would have told her that. He didn't talk about the past; not his own personal past.

She was just so fucking REAL. She didn't bullshit, she just laid it all out there.

"You weren't afraid of me," Negan said seriously. "Everyone else with half a fucking brain in that place pissed their god-damned pants every time I looked at them. You looked away, did whatever I said - but you weren't afraid of me."

"I don't know I'd say that," Paisley argued once again. "I mean, I knew fucking well you could and would kill me. The others were shocked though, as well as scared, you know what I mean? They had bought into all that societal bullshit about people being inherently fucking good. They didn't know what every-fucking-body was capable of doing. You were just willing to embrace the need for that part of yourself. All people are capable of terrible, awful things. Everyone. Most people are unwilling to acknowledge that." she sighed.

"Not many people have your flair for the dramatic, either," she laughed. "Truth is, I get what you were doing. Governments have done it since society has existed."

Negan watched her closely as she spoke, evaluating whether she was being truthful or not. He saw no reason to believe she was lying. He had been surrounded by his inner circle of Saviors all saying the same, but those guys had either been faking it for the sake of the rewards or doing it because they enjoyed the power. Some of them got off on people's pain. He had gotten rid of those people as quickly as he could; Negan didn't enjoy the killing as much as he pretended he did, but he did believe it was necessary.

"You just keep surprising me, punk. Every time I think I know you, you say some-fucking-thing like that," Negan told her with an admiring smile.

"Another thing a lot of people don't seem to get - you should never underestimate anyone. As you did with this bunch here at Alexandria," she told him. She seemed weary now as if discussing this was exhausting. It was certainly not the usual type of conversation the two of them had.

"Way to kick a man when he's fucking down," Negan joked. Paisley smiled at this, standing to go.

"I'll be back at dinnertime," she told him. She had snuck him the stolen apples at what would have been lunchtime in a world that ate three meals a day.

"Paisley?" Negan's velvety voice made her pause on the stairs. "Thank you," he told her earnestly.

"Just doing my job, ma'am," she did her best cowboy accent. It was arguably better than Negan's attempt at a British accent, but still pretty awful, which left both of them with a smile on their face after she'd gone. At least, that was how each of them would explain it if anyone were to question it.

**********************************

Negan lay back on his cot, tossing a baseball up in the air and catching idly. He was thinking about the perplexity named Paisley Grey. She was down to earth, hard as a diamond, beautiful in a unique way - but capable of these incredible acts of kindness; without even realizing she was doing anything special.

He'd seen her clever side, her playful side, and now a deeply philosophical side to her as well. He wondered if she would ever cease to surprise him. He also wondered if the situation were different - if things were any other way - would he have taken the time to see all of these things in her? He was sad to admit it was unlikely.

Of course, there was the possibility that he was seeing more in her than was there because she was the only person who treated him like a human. The others came and went, wanting to stare at him to make sure he was suffering enough, mostly.

Daryl, he suspected, was willing to stop in and open the door for the things Paisley needed the door open for - his bucket, mostly - because he was hoping for a chance to beat the holy hell out of Negan. It was hard to blame him, he supposed, the way he had tried to break the man. Daryl didn't break, and he didn't scare easily - but Neither did Negan. Again, Paisley's presence probably helped keep that from happening.

The sound of the door followed by footsteps on the stairs announced her arrival. He smiled and sat up to greet her. She carried two bowls of something that smelled remarkably good and a bottle that looked suspiciously like a fifth of liquor.

"Is it a special occasion?" he asked, gesturing to the bottle. Paisley smirked as she handed him a bowl of stew. "This isn't canned, this looks fresh," he commented as he stirred the concoction. The vegetables had been grown in the garden, and the meat wasn't too soft like canned meat.

"Nope, it's homemade," she told him. "Don't worry, not by me."

Again with the self-deprecating humor.

"Well, then the meat isn't beef. What is it?" Negan asked as he took a bite. It was the best thing he'd tasted in quite a while.

"Rabbit," she informed him, taking a bite as well and nodding her head in approval. "Mmm. Yeah, I could get used to that."

"Just out of curiosity, where did you get the stew?" Negan asked between bites. He was trying to pace himself so it would last a little longer.

"Aaron made it, but I had to kill and skin the rabbits first. We have a coop for them, my idea by the way. We didn't keep rabbits as pets in England, we kept them so we would have food. Back in the war especially, with the rationing and all. At least that was what they told us in school," She explained.

"So you just went out and caught some wild rabbits?" He joked, knowing she wasn't likely to do such a thing.

"Daryl set some live traps. It wasn't that hard," she shrugged. "and they multiply quickly enough to keep us fed."

"Well look at you, miss 'I don't have anything to offer'," Negan said playfully.

"They would've thought of it sooner or later," she shrugged.

"Hmm," Negan thought about lecturing her for selling herself short but decided to leave it for now. They'd had enough deep conversations for today.

"and what's in the bottle? Or did you just bring that to fucking tease me?"

Paisley smiled as if she'd forgotten all about it.

"I traded a bottle of Jesus juice for this. Aaron 'doesn't care for whiskey'," she said the part in a tone of voice which suggested she was repeating him verbatim.

"Jesus juice?!?" Negan wrinkled his nose at her and smiled at the phrase, shaking his head questioningly.

"As in Christ, not the dude over at Hilltop," Paisley corrected, breaking down into laughter that suggested she'd already been working on that whiskey. Negan had to laugh at the connotation of Jesus juice as if it HAD been referring to the man they knew who went by that name.

"That's a fucking relief," he joked, still laughing. "But what DO you mean by Jesus juice?"

"Red wine. You don't call it that here?" She seemed surprised. Negan threw his head back and laughed as he got the meaning of the phrase, and at her surprise that it wasn't a commonly used phrase.

"No, can't say I've ever heard that one," he informed her, wiping his mouth after finishing the stew. "Sounds like maybe you're finally making some friends?"

"They tolerate me well enough, but there's a disconnect, innit? Like, a pause after I say something before they understand me. It's not just the accent you know what I mean? It's a totally different way of thinking, innit?" she replied, her hand gestures broader, her body language looser.

"How much of that whiskey have you had already?" he asked, licking his lower lip slowly as he took the sight in. She usually tied her hair up in a ponytail, but tonight it was loose. She hated the two-tone coloring, the blonde at the bottom and the warm brown at the top where the natural color had grown out. Negan found it quite attractive. Though If he had a say in the matter, he would tell her that the brown suited her better. It had a depth to it that the now brassy blonde color lacked.

"Not. Enough," she told him as she lifted the bottle to her lips and drank.

"It's probably been a fucking while, you might want to go easy there, Tiger" he warned her. "It's safer in here than out there, but there's no need to get shitfaced."

"I'm English, we do better when we're on the drink, love," she replied with a wink that told him she was tipsy but not quite dangerously drunk.

She stood from the wooden chair she had drawn up near the bars of the cell and reached in for his bowl with one hand and offered the bottle up with the other. Negan handed her the dish and accepted the bottle gratefully, taking a deep pull and hissing slightly at the burn in his throat and chest afterward.

"It's not Scotch, but beggars can't be choosers," she told him.

"That is the god-damned truth," Negan agreed with one of those suggestive smiles that made her grow warm and wet without a touch. His voice could do it sometimes, too.

She'd never been physically aroused at the sound of a man's voice before, but she'd be damned if his voice didn't make her go home and butter her muffin sometimes. More often than she should. She told herself it was just because she hadn't been with a man since before she arrived in America. It was nearly three years now. Plus, she was a 33-year-old woman which is the female equivalent hormonally as a teenage boy.

As she watched him take another drink and lick his lower lip, she realized she would undoubtedly be abusing herself tonight. Fuck. She could rub one out right now, just watching him drink. How the hell could he make her feel this way?

It was the whiskey and the loneliness, she reasoned, and tried forcing herself to focus on something else. She reached her hand out for the bottle, and Negan obliged. Her heart rate doubled when Negan's fingertips brushed over hers. 'Was that a lingering touch?' She found herself wondering. Then she wondered 'What kind of fucking question is that?' she finally decided she might be slightly drunk after all.

"How old are you?" Negan asked, leaning his shoulder against the bars as he looked at her in her chair.

"It's rude to ask someone that, innit!" she replied quickly, her accent getting more pronounced as she drank more. Negan smiled at her, it was that tight-lipped smile that actually made the corners of his lips draw down a bit instead of up.

How the fuck could he be this handsome?

"C'mon! I can't fucking decide if you're 15 or 50! Sometimes you act like a god-damned teenager, and sometimes you act like the mother fucking Dali llama!" he told her in a snarky voice.

Paisley laughed at this, but then said "Ok, but how old do I look?"

"Don't you know asking a man that is rude?" he mimicked her earlier answer. Then he gave her a wicked grin. "Shall we make it into a drinking game? I ask you a question, you either answer honestly or take a drink."

"Americans and their bloody drinking games! In England we're professionals at drinking," she quipped. Her face was more relaxed than he'd ever seen it. Even here, in Rick the Prick's little experiment in a utopian society. Her cheeks were flushed, and her smile was broad and unfiltered. She was fucking stunning. "But fine, let's do it. Not like I have anywhere else to be."

"Ok," he bit his lower lip and raised his eyebrows as if in anticipation. Paisley's belly felt like it was fluttering. "We'll start with an easy one. How old is Paisley Grey?"

"You're a pain in the arse!" she laughed at him. "I'm… well, I'm not sure. Oh my fucking god, how weird is that? I never thought about it because who was counting the days anymore?" she got a far-off look in her eye as she mulled over this turn of events. "Well, I was 30, nearly 31 when I flew into the States. So 33ish?"

"Huh," Negan made a surprised face. "puts you around 8 or 9 years younger than the 'old man'. If I'm old and you're less than a decade younger than me, doesn't that make you a middle-aged woman, then?" Paisley gasped audibly.

"You're a cheeky bastard, then!" she had been slowly inching her chairs toward the bars, perhaps unintentionally, since she first sat down. Now she was plenty close enough that if the bars hadn't prevented it, she could've slapped him. Negan raised one cocky eyebrow at her as if to say 'What are you going to do, open the door so you can slap me?'

Paisley broke out into giggles and sat back down, slipping out of her shoes and stretching her legs out in front of her, her feet pressed against the bars.

"Ok, my turn, then. Umm… this is harder than it sounds," Paisley let out a long breath as she thought about her question. "Were you married? Before."

Negan gestured for the bottle. He wasn't ready to answer that one. Paisley handed it over readily. She realized she was a few drinks ahead of him, and couldn't afford to not answer as many questions. Negan took a swig and licked his lips. There it was again, that fluttery feeling in her stomach, but it happened between her legs this time as well.

"Would you have said yes?" he asked, looking so fucking cocky that Paisley just had to play dumb.

"Yes, to what?"

"If I had asked you to be one of my wives, would you have said yes?" he replied, the timbre of his voice low and full of gravel.

 

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

 

Fuuuuuck!

*I almost fucking came, just then.* she thought.

"If you had changed two words in that sentence? Maybe. Phrased like that, in the situation we were in? Not a fucking chance." she told him, defiantly but honestly.

"Really? Hmm. And what two words would have to change?" He asked.

"Uh-uh, you have already asked your question, it's my turn!" she replied. Negan moved his hands and nodded his head as if to yield to her order like a peasant to a queen.

"Well, I beg your fucking pardon, your highness!" he said.

"What's your body count - and I'm not talking murder or walkers." She asked and immediately Negan took a long drink. Paisley tsked her tongue and made a sympathetic face. She gestured with her fingers, holding her finger and her thumb about an inch apart.

"Be careful young lady, or I'll drop my fucking pants just to show you how WRONG you are!" he threatened playfully.

"I'll just take your fucking word for it," Paisley said as she reached through the bars and patted her hand on his shoulder condescendingly.

"OH-ho, who's being cheeky now?" he asked, his smile warm enough to melt butter. She smiled back, she couldn't help it, and suddenly, Negan turned and they were face to face through the bars, his hand slipping out and his hand in her hair drawing her forward toward him until their foreheads touched through the bars.

"Mother of fuck, I'd like to kiss the hell out of your right now!" he growled at her through gritted teeth. If she hadn't been a lost cause when she started the evening, there was no helping her now. She was thoroughly infatuated with him, and she really needed to shag him.

"Fuck me," she muttered, already breathless. It was a pure, physical ache in her body now, and only Negan's touch could soothe it. She began fumbling in her pocket for something and Negan's eyes were drawn to watch as the key emerged.

"I thought you said you gave Michonne back her key?" he asked in surprise.

"I did," she said as she fumbled with the lock. "I stole this one from Daryl's, he never locks his fucking door." the lock finally gave way and she opened the door and stepped inside. "Thankfully," she added.

"You beautiful crazy woman!" Negan laughed, closing the distance and pulling her up against him. He cradled the back of her head with his hand, his fingers pulling her hair tight, and he claimed her mouth with more hunger than she'd ever thought anyone could have for her.

She was far too horny to be patient tonight, though, and so she immediately began unbuttoning his pants. He made a surprise 'mmm!' against her mouth, but then he smiled into her kiss.

"Right down to business! Ok, we can do that," he told her, pulling her top off roughly and then tossing his t-shirt aside. Each watched the other shimmy out of their pants, and Negan picked Paisley up in both arms and turned around to deposit her on her back on his tiny mattress. He lay on top of her before she could blink. He was resting on one arm while he bent to suck at a nipple. He pushed the flimsy cotton of her panties out of the way and dipped his finger to see how slippery she already was. She reflexively rocked her hips against his touch, taking his fingers even deeper and making his thumb brush her clit and she whimpered loudly.

"SHIT, you want my cock," he muttered, casting his eyes down to see the way her hips moved as she rode his hand. "Fuck that's fucking hot." he breathed this last statement into her ear as he tugged at her earlobe. "Tell me that you want it," he murmured against it now. She turned and kissed him as hungrily as he'd kissed her earlier, then, holding his face in her hands, she looked into those deep dark eyes.

"I want your cock so deep in my cunt I can taste it when you come," she told him. The smile that split his face was the closest thing to euphoria she would ever witness. He'd finally found a girl who knew how to play his game. He shimmied out of his boxers and pulled off her underwear quickly, his hands taking the opportunity to rub her tits before he pushed himself up by one arm and pushed the tip of his cock into her. She closed her eyes, her mouth fell open in both pleasure and anticipation.

"Paisley?" Negan grunted, biting his lower lip.

"Huh?" she managed to breathe in response.

"Put your hands on the wall behind you so I don't give you a fucking concussion on those bricks," he told her, and she did. The moment her hands were there to protect her, Negan pushed in hard, her body having to very quickly adjust and so tight around his sizable member that they both moaned in both pain and pleasure at the feeling. It was the sort of moment you would never be able to reproduce. It also didn't last long because Negan dropped to his elbows and rested his head beside hers, his breath hot on her shoulder, and began to pound her mercilessly. She had never been fucked harder or faster, her entire body bouncing and shaking as he thrust in and trembling as he moved out.

"Oh, fuck…" Paisley found herself straining and clenching, unable to catch her breath as she came hard against his cock, the extra lubrication after she came making Negan groan and push himself back up to look down at her.

"Say my name," he told her, his jaw set as it usually was when he was trying to intimate his Saviors. His face was growing red and she knew he couldn't keep it up much longer she began to rock her hips harder and faster against him until their bodies met violently.

"Negan! Fuck me, Negan, it's so fucking good…" she told him, her face strained now, too. As soon as he felt her start to come again, he pulled out and with a shudder, came all over her tits.

"Holy shit, girl!" he declared breathlessly, rolling to the side to catch his breath. "Damn!" she chuckled at his enthusiasm and felt like she might even be blushing. She looked up and down the length of him. He was all wiry, slender strength, and she examined his faded tattoos from another lifetime, then down his legs, and she realized they hadn't taken the time to take off their socks. She began to laugh at the sight and Negan chuckled too.

"Well, if SOMEONE wasn't in such a hurry…" he teased before leaning in and kissing her slowly. Paisley yielded to him completely now. Her appetite for him was diminished but not fully sated. She doubted she would ever have enough of this man. She couldn't imagine how.

[autumnalwalker]

Find the Words tag

Thank you for the tag, @dogmomwrites.

My words were assure, argue, previous, & halfway.

Passing the tag to @talesofsorrowandofruin, @void-botanist, @theimperiumchronicles, @writernopal, and the usual open tag for anyone else who may wish to participate.

Your words shall be harmless, literally, breakfast, & entrance.

Assure: The Archivist's Journal, Day 25

I broke the silence once again by telling her my name.  She told me hers in return.  Maiko, as I noted at the start of this entry.

I told her that next mist night I’d be sure to leave the door unlocked for her and that she was welcome to come inside when it rains instead of just sitting out on the porch.

She told me that she’d been doing this since she found the empty house last rainy season but had been afraid to since realizing someone else had moved in.

I assured her that I was harmless.  Half tripping over my own chair on my way to the sink as punctuation to this statement was only mostly intentional.

Argue: Empty Names - 4 - Prince In Gold

His friend smiles and shakes her head in long-suffering exasperation.  “I can’t argue with that now, can I?”

“I literally won’t let you.”

“Oh rea-”

“Nuh-nuh-nuh,” Sullivan cuts her off, “I said ‘literally’ and I meant it.”

This gets a chuckle out of her.  It’s been too long since Sullivan’s heard that sound.  A sound of old times.  Perhaps the past few years apart for them both to cool down truly was for the best.

“Fine, you win this round you, old rogue,” she says.

“I always do.”

“Only because you cheat.”

“And I say again, touché."

Previous: The Archivist's Journal, Day 95

They were both up before I was this morning.  What was left of the morning anyway by that time.  They seemed to be getting along well enough.  They’d already had breakfast (with promises to pay me back for it) and Maiko had helped herself to a bath.

Lin talked a bit about how strange it was to be back here.  All the same furnishings and decorations in mostly the same places as when the old archivist was living here.  I admitted that I really hadn’t done much to make it my own.  It all seemed good enough so it just didn’t seem worth the effort to go around changing things.  Even the minor rearrangement of furniture was due to the nature sprite messing with me and me trying to put things I hadn’t paid much attention to back from memory.

I asked if she found that strange familiarity offputting and she insisted it was fine.  Still, maybe I should redecorate so that I’m not just living in the shadow of the house’s previous occupant so much.

When I asked if Lin needed to be getting back to the Village and what the note she’d left her parents said, she shrugged it off.  Said she wasn’t in a hurry to get back and that it didn’t matter what the note said because they probably wouldn’t believe it anyway and would assume she was out meeting with some man.  With a laugh she added that’d probably be a relief for them if it was true.

With a glance at the towel-wrapped Maiko coming out of the bath I said it wouldn’t be too far off the mark, and was rewarded with Lin spraying the tea she’d been drinking across the table.  An insult and apology followed in the same breath once she finished coughing.

Maiko asked if everything was alright over there.  Eager to change the topic, Lin quickly insisted everything was great and asked if Maiko wanted to talk about what all she found on that island.

Halfway: Empty Names - 7 - Gathered Here Today

The entrance foyer is dominated by a grand staircase leading to the upper levels whose balconies wrap back around to look down on the visitors.  Above the landing where the staircase splits and turns halfway to the next floor hangs a portrait of a woman in a blue dress of a style as antique as the house’s.  Her smile at the viewer is playful.  Playful in the same way that a cat is playful with a mouse.  Several closed doors line the walls on either side between the entrance and the staircase, although those seem a background detail compared to the small pile of black crates and out of place chairs in the center of the hall.

[mint-moon25]

M7 - Blk - Bluetooth

Got 2 - Fastest since

Got like blk Tree with

C Charge - in a hurry

Right now

When I remove from

Container - already

Paired - A13 5G yes

Shows Notice - 10%

Left - I change right

Away - Once I put in

My ear - Paired fast

Getting 3rd one will

Get above fr $9.99

By Memory

Blk Security of the

Construction near

Main Library 24/7

Is that Legal?

Florida - you always

Need - Harvard Law

FL - Money Pit why

They entice Seniors

MGM Grand so huge

You're always in there

Why would they choose

Florida? Non-Community

Property - was going first

2 my - Storage - Skip that

Will figure out

1P - Wendy's - $5 Card

SW 2 St near Lot 33

7A - I move to Edge of

SW 2 Av at W Flagler

125 lbs

Go straight 2 Elevators

7:50P EST

Future - Poisonous bullets

We're Firing at Will

Blk Male Security

Construction

Main Library

Both Armed

Both Blue & Blk also

Of Police - Back says

Security or Police

Girls, Fire at Will

All you have 2 do is

Pretend your Homeless

Duffle Bag - Wheels

Luggage - Wheels

My Face - was asked at

Brickell near Novotel

Am I Homeless?

After Paris Olympics

Homeless not allowed

Parks

14th - Violated at Brickell

Gay City - Gay Married

Mary Brickell was Gay

Brickell - Creating Laws

Republican Party

$2,500 Fine

Homeless eating at Brickell

Park

Dear Korean Girls,

Paris France

Pag-ibig Magazines

Nudity - Girls - only

Pag-ibig - TV

Nude Ads - Topless Ads

For - Sulli - who Koreans

Massacred for Braless?

Me - Nude Model

For Sullivan & Goo Hara

Women Safest in Paris FR

Told 2 Shut my Mouth

Male Hispanic Security

Same one told my Breasts

Boxed Below - R Side

Female Miami Police

Called me Mentally Ill

Nothing Happened

White Male Police stayed

In his Car - Blowing him up

In the Future - Tall Woman

White Female Ugly Brown

Hair said - You can't prove

It - Koreans - Xrays

Marilyn Monroe boxed by

Male Psychiatrist

Xray proved where he was

Miami Police over 3,000

Officers - Federal Taxes

That Building becomes

Melted Cement disappears

After - becomes - Lawn

Philippines female raped

By Uncle and Male Cousin

No One - Believed Her

So I feel Better

When we Massacre them

300 Million Chinese Male

Soldiers - One Dark Night

Saber Curved Swords

I will feel better

World War 3

Helene of Troy when men

Boxed Beat Kicked

Knocked up - Burnt her

Babies and more Miami

Is Mild compared to ...

Blk Dahlia

Miami - Open - Carry

Firearm Enforcement

Bien gave his Vice Pres

Presidential - Priority

What a Gentlemen

One can't run against

Shot - by Riffle - Ears

American Gentlemen

Rare like Santa Claus

Gentlemen

Kenneth Copeland

Dr Jesse Duplantis

Dr Dennis Burke

Texas - Louisiana

Jeremy Pearsons

Colorado

Rare - Gentlemen

United States

Money Ruled

No one teaches them

About Manners - yes

Unknown - Word

Age 246

I'm marrying Chinese

Or Korean

Actor - Singer - Dancer

Model Brand Ambassador

Chinese Mothers - hate

Many - Martial Arts

Korean Moms - Terrible

No - Martial Arts

Will decide who Mom is

Over - $550 Billion USD

My Networth

Makati Kids - Banks

95% - Interest bearing

Auto - Taxed

Future - Cailey James

Sunday - 12 April 1964

Wood Dragon - Aries

10P PHT - Age 60

5'5 ft - will be - 5'9 ft

Jesus is Lord

Overthrow Government

United States

South Korea

Philippines

Better Future and World

[roman-catholic-mass-readings]

2nd May >> Mass Readings (Except USA)

Saint Athanasius, Bishop, Doctor 

on

Thursday, Fifth Week of Eastertide.

Thursday, Fifth Week of Eastertide

(Liturgical Colour: White. Year: B(II))

(Readings for the feria (Thursday))

(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Thursday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading Acts of the Apostles 15:7-21 I rule that we do not make things more difficult for the pagans who turn to God.

After the discussion had gone on a long time, Peter stood up and addressed the apostles and the elders. ‘My brothers,’ he said ‘you know perfectly well that in the early days God made his choice among you: the pagans were to learn the Good News from me and so become believers. In fact God, who can read everyone’s heart, showed his approval of them by giving the Holy Spirit to them just as he had to us. God made no distinction between them and us, since he purified their hearts by faith. It would only provoke God’s anger now, surely, if you imposed on the disciples the very burden that neither we nor our ancestors were strong enough to support? Remember, we believe that we are saved in the same way as they are: through the grace of the Lord Jesus.’ This silenced the entire assembly, and they listened to Barnabas and Paul describing the signs and wonders God had worked through them among the pagans. When they had finished it was James who spoke. ‘My brothers,’ he said ‘listen to me. Simeon has described how God first arranged to enlist a people for his name out of the pagans. This is entirely in harmony with the words of the prophets, since the scriptures say:

After that I shall return and rebuild the fallen House of David; I shall rebuild it from its ruins and restore it. Then the rest of mankind, all the pagans who are consecrated to my name, will look for the Lord, says the Lord who made this known so long ago.

‘I rule, then, that instead of making things more difficult for pagans who turn to God, we send them a letter telling them merely to abstain from anything polluted by idols, from fornication, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood. For Moses has always had his preachers in every town, and is read aloud in the synagogues every sabbath.’

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 95(96):1-3,10

R/ Proclaim the wonders of the Lord among all the peoples. or R/ Alleluia!

O sing a new song to the Lord, sing to the Lord all the earth. O sing to the Lord, bless his name.

R/ Proclaim the wonders of the Lord among all the peoples. or R/ Alleluia!

Proclaim his help day by day, tell among the nations his glory and his wonders among all the peoples.

R/ Proclaim the wonders of the Lord among all the peoples. or R/ Alleluia!

Proclaim to the nations: ‘God is king.’ The world he made firm in its place; he will judge the peoples in fairness.

R/ Proclaim the wonders of the Lord among all the peoples. or R/ Alleluia!

Gospel Acclamation

Alleluia, alleluia! Christ has risen, he who created all things, and has granted his mercy to men. Alleluia!

Or: John 10:27

Alleluia, alleluia! The sheep that belong to me listen to my voice, says the Lord, I know them and they follow me. Alleluia!

Gospel John 15:9-11 Remain in my love.

Jesus said to his disciples:

‘As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my own joy may be in you and your joy be complete.’

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

---------------------------------

Saint Athanasius, Bishop, Doctor 

(Liturgical Colour: White. Year: B(II))

(Readings for the memorial)

(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Thursday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading 1 John 5:1-5 Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ has already overcome the world.

Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ has been begotten by God; and whoever loves the Father that begot him loves the child whom he begets. We can be sure that we love God’s children if we love God himself and do what he has commanded us; this is what loving God is – keeping his commandments; and his commandments are not difficult, because anyone who has been begotten by God has already overcome the world; this is the victory over the world – our faith.

Who can overcome the world? Only the man who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 36(37):3-6,30-31

R/ The just man’s mouth utters wisdom.

If you trust in the Lord and do good, then you will live in the land and be secure. If you find your delight in the Lord, he will grant your heart’s desire.

R/ The just man’s mouth utters wisdom.

Commit your life to the Lord, trust in him and he will act, so that your justice breaks forth like the light, your cause like the noon-day sun.

R/ The just man’s mouth utters wisdom.

The just man’s mouth utters wisdom and his lips speak what is right; the law of his God is in his heart, his steps shall be saved from stumbling.

R/ The just man’s mouth utters wisdom.

Gospel Acclamation Matthew 5:10

Alleluia, alleluia! Happy those who are persecuted in the cause of right, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Alleluia!

Gospel Matthew 10:22-25 The disciple is not superior to his teacher.

Jesus said to his disciples: ‘You will be hated by all men on account of my name; but the man who stands firm to the end will be saved. If they persecute you in one town, take refuge in the next; and if they persecute you in that, take refuge in another. I tell you solemnly, you will not have gone the round of the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes. ‘The disciple is not superior to his teacher, nor the slave to his master. It is enough for the disciple that he should grow to be like his teacher, and the slave like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, what will they not say of his household?’

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

[stfxls]

MEMOIR : IN THE LOVING MEMORY OF MY LATE GRADE 9 ADVISER

Death is certain yet we don't when it will happen. That is the lesson we learned from the subject Introduction to Philosophy of the Human Person. Death of someone is the most unforgettable moment of my high school life that took the steering wheel of my ship and took change of another direction. Her death is the most devastating of all of my experience as a high school student. She was our Adviser in Grade 9 when I was in high school, she was really like an angel, she really took care of us amidst of the COVID-19 Pandemic. The first time I met her was thru a submission of my activities of my modules, since that time we had a lockdown before. My first impression of her is that she is a type of teacher who would always get mad of you, like a mother with a children of four. However she was different, her approach is like a soft touch of a pillow that caress your tired head. She was like "Magandang Umaga po mommy kayo po ba yung mommy ni Steven Dueñas?" she asked. "Opo ako po iyon huhu...pasensya na po kayo sa abala nako sorry kung na late ako marami pa kasi akong inaasikaso sa bahay!" My mom worriedly told my Late Former adviser "Oh don't worry po ayos lang po iyon, mamaya pa naman kami aalis by the way my name is Emerlinda P. Cerna and I am the Adviser of your child po it's so nice to meet you po" then she shook hands with my mom. Her smile was extends to her ears and her calm voice soothes my ears to the extend that my mind full of thoughts quickly fades away and my attention was transferred to her as she and my mom were talking to each other.

Mrs. Emerlinda P. Cerna was always there for me like every questions that I ask her thru personal messages on messenger regarding to her lesson, she always responds quickly. She's a very considerate person that she even accepts late outputs to be submitted in their house personally. As I arrive upon their house the one who greeted me was her mother, and I told her mom that "Good Morning po nandito po ba Si Ma'am Cerna may ipapasa lang po sana akong outputs po pasensya na po sa abala!" I told to her mom while feeling blue. "Ah sandali lang ahhh.....Emerlinda....may naghahanap sayo dito estudyante mo ata ire!" Her mom shouted. At last ma'am Emerlinda came out from the door and greeted me "Good morning nak kamusta ka? Bakit na late ka ng pagsubmit?" She worryingly asked. "Ma'am nagtrabaho pa po kasi ako sinamahan ko pa po sila mama sa pagtitinda po ehh pasensya na po ma'am!" My respond to her as if I am begging mercy in front of the almighty God. "Ahhh sige anak wait kunin ko lang itong Outputs mo tapos.....kasama mo ba si Mama mo?" She suddenly asked. "Opo ma'am Nasa labas po siya hinihintay nya po ako. Bakit po ma'am may problema po ba sa grades ko?" I nervously asked. "Wala naman anak actually Ibibigay ko Sana yung card mo sa mommy mo since hindi nga siya naka-attend ng teacher-parent conference." she calmly responded. Her statement were a mix of life and death situation to me it's because I don't know what is the condition of my grades. I called my mom to come over so that she could receive my average for the 4th Quarter and that is 95 and I am held as the only student who received highest grade in our class. I cry a river for that since it is my first time achieving that kind of title in all of my years studying, my mom also did she couldn't believe that I would be able to achieve "With High honors" at that time. Ma'am Emerlinda also cried and she said that she was glad that I became her student, that she is so proud of me, and she wishes me to do my best in the upcoming Grade 10.

During Grade 10 it was somewhere February of 2022 my best friend brought me the news "HOI BESHIIE NABALITAAN MO NA!?" She quickly approaches me and she was catching her breath as if she run in the never-ending road. "Oh sis...bat ka hinihingal abay mag hinay hinay ka kasi gurl...ano bang sasabihin mo ha? Bat parang nagmamadali ka?" I asked her with doubt. "BEH PATAY NA YUNG ADVISER NYO!?" She said. My ears didn't get it at first so I asked her once again "HA! ANO DAW!? PATAY!? SINO YUNG ADVISER NAMIN!? SINONG ADVISER BEH!?" I asked her in a high tone because of the shock that gave me. "BEH SI MA'AM CERNA YUNG ADVISER NIYO NUNG GRADE 9 DEDO NA SIYA!" As I heard those words in my mind, my mind says it's true but my heart does not believe to any words that comes out of her mouth. Because that is just impossible since I just recently talked with her a month ago, how does my best friend know about the news on my adviser's death. "OH ETO AYAW MO PA MANIWALA AHHH!" She then showed a Facebook post with my adviser where she was put inside of a coffin, lifeless. My Tears drops like a needle as if no one could hear me crying. I was running at that time towards to our house because I cannot take the news about Ma'am Cerna's death. I cried at that time since she was like a mother to me. All of those lessons that she taught me, were now be only memories which I will always cherish how I wish that she is still right beside me.

After hearing the news about her death, I wasn't able to attend to her lamay to mourn to her death since I was really busy with helping my mom with her business, but some of my classmates did, and they inform me that the cause of her death was because there was a connection in her brain that was severed which resulted to her demise. After her burial, I was able to visit their house and I notice her son which is approximately 3 years old at that time, and her husband carrying him, I felt pity for the family especially to her Son and husband which were devastated and felt really empty on those times and I said to myself that I hope they are able to get pass throught this dark times.

Because of what happened to Ma'am Cerna her death made a pathway to my chosen career in the future. Since I really love her and the way she taught me, that's why I wanted to follow the path she started and I will be the one to continue it as a token of my gratitude for her great efforts, In which it granted me an access to be a HUMSS student today. It's because of her that's why I wanted to be someone like her not because of the perks and benefits of being a teacher but to be a better instrument for kids and teens who will be soon the pillars of the community and the society.

[annieintheaair]

Don't worry about the damage done, just let those words roll off your tongue, even if you're lying

How you are raised has a huge effect on your life as an adult. I think my parents raised my siblings and me to be good, caring, respectful people. I know we aren't perfect but I know my parents did a good job.

Looking back on my life, and my childhood in particular, I have somewhat vague memories of going to therapy. I learned that you need to talk about things. I've never seen therapy as a bad thing but as a part of life, like going for yearly physicals, getting your teeth cleaned, or even just taking vitamins and living a healthy lifestyle. I've taken breaks from therapy, sometimes for months and sometimes for years but then I get back into going and it feels more like a preventative measure for me. Therapy has taught me a lot of things, like how to cope with different feelings and changes in my life.

When I was in middle school, my best friend, Laura, and I used to talk to our guidance counselor often. She taught us about "I statements" and we learned how to build a better friendship. Even though we had our issues, it was always nice to know that I had a friend who cared about our friendship as much as I did and was always willing to work on things. We stayed friends for a long time until we both moved away and went to separate schools. I learned a lot from that friendship though.

After middle school, I spent high school journaling more. I didn't have a guidance counselor to talk to anymore like I did in middle school and I remember plenty of days feeling alone in my new school and crying in my bedroom at night. I knew from the very beginning of my freshman year of high school that I would only be there for three years before going to college. I was determined and I made it happen.

I started seeing a therapist in college. I think it was during sophomore year. Maureen was my saving grace. When I felt abandoned and sad or had issues with Dan, Maureen was there. One session, she had me write down on paper a list of things I could do whenever I was sad. Some of those things included Rhode Island-specific things, such as go to the beach. She made a copy of my list and shrunk it down to the size of a credit card so that I could keep it in my wallet. I remember one day driving to school during my junior/senior year (they were combined because I finished college in 3 years, too) and when I got close to school, I instead got onto 95 and drove myself to my favorite little beach: Goddard State Park.

I've always believed in self-care and your mental health is just as important as your physical health. I saw something on Instagram that said something along the lines of how when someone is going through something and they're feeling depressed, we should treat them like we would someone with a broken leg. Wouldn't you take care of that person and be there for them? Just like you'd care for someone else, you should care for yourself.

For me, when my flights got delayed last night, I knew that I wasn't in the right place mentally to handle rolling delays. My eyes burned and I told my mom that I wanted to call work and tell them that I had an eye problem and couldn't see myself going to work. I ended up calling out sick, taking a shower, putting on my pajamas, and crawling up under a blanket to watch a movie with my dogs and eat Ben & Jerry's. Maybe I don't have anything contagious because I'm not "sick" by the standard that the world sees sick but I think that your mental health is just as important and if you're just not in the right place mentally, it's ok to call off from work or school.

After college, I didn't have a therapist for a long time. When I got injured at work in 2018, I started seeing a new therapist, April. April helped me through my transition back to work and eventually helped me navigate my relationship and breakup with James. When she stopped accepting my insurance, I moved on and found Shanna. I liked her fresh perspective and appreciated her help as I transitioned to a new place. Since she stopped accepting my insurance in December, I thought I was ok and had "graduated" from therapy. I also felt like I was withholding a lot from her and acted like everything was fine during my sessions, only to go home and cry.

I met with a new therapist yesterday, Jose. I originally was looking for a new female therapist but then an appointment was available with him and I thought, why not try something new. Surprisingly, I really liked talking to him and scheduled to meet with him again next week.

I don't think there's any shame in going to therapy or accepting help. I think the strongest thing you can do sometimes is get help when you need it. I've been wanting to read the book "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone," which is a book about a therapist who seeks therapy herself. I've said it before but I think we all could use therapy.

I feel bad for the adults who grew up thinking therapy was something to be ashamed of and never learned to talk through things. I think it's a parent's responsibility to raise their kids in such a way that they know that it's ok to not be ok but to get help. When kids go through divorces or any sort of trauma, their parents should really send them to therapy. I've seen what happens to adults when they didn't have that kind of support when they were younger and now can't handle anything.

Since I didn't fly last night, I was able to make it to the 9:30am yoga class this morning. It was a struggle getting myself out of bed but I made it. The class was a bit of a disappointment and my energy was so down that I felt like everything was super difficult. By the time we were finishing up the class and in pigeon pose, with my face lying on my mat, I couldn't help but cry. I was so thankful for the cold lavender towels that made me look like less of a mess leaving yoga.

I wished the people in my class had been more social and that yoga could have been more of a community like it was where I used to live. I wished I could have asked everyone if anyone wanted to go grab brunch at First Watch after but I felt silly asking a bunch of strangers. Instead, I drove home, tearing up again, wishing for a hug.

At home, I prepared for my job interview, and while I think it went well, I feel like I have a lot going on right now, and trying to start a new job might be too much.

I feel like this has been a super lazy week with lots of TV and cuddles with my dogs. I managed to get in a nap this afternoon so that I can hopefully make it through work tonight. I was originally looking forward to flying with one of my friends tonight but of course, she's pregnant and not feeling great. I'm just praying for nice passengers tonight.

Despite the clouds this weekend, it's supposed to get into the 80s, which hopefully makes for a nice weekend. Maybe tomorrow I'll finally put my life back together at home.

xoxo

Annie

[firefly-fez]

No.

Look, I was bright. Bright enough to be gifted, I suspect.

But I wasn’t “logical reasoning and excellent at maths and pattern recognition” bright, I was “exellent at reading comprehension and writing” bright.

Like, I could always read well above my age group. I got in trouble for not doing the reading homework in primary school, and they called in my mother to discuss it. She defended me, saying the books they gave me to read were too easy and that’s why I wasn’t doing the homework. She showed them an example of what I was reading at home, which was well above the reading level of what I had been told to read for school. And they didn’t believe her. They told her it was impossible for me be reading at that level at my age, and that I must just be looking at the pictures for the stuff I was reading at home.

Like I was, “It’s impossible for you’re child’s reading level to be that high at this age” level bright.

When I got my ADHD diagnosis, my Verbal Comprehension Index showed I was in the 99th percentile.

Is that gifted?

Not according to my school where I grew up. I have a couple neurodivergent friends - male friends, perhaps that is the key - who were diagnosed at a younger age and when they received their diagnosis, they were told they were gifted, but more so along the mathematical reasoning/logical thinking side.

Which makes me wonder…. How do we actually measure “giftedness”? Because until I got my own FSIQ and GAI tests done, I never really noticed that every instance of “giftedness” I’ve ever heard was only referring to logical reasoning, problem solving, or mathematical ability. None of it really discussed reading or language comprehension.

If I had been as good at logical reasoning as I am at language-based skills, would I have been recognised as “gifted”? Do we actually recognise a verbal comprehension index in the 99th percentile as a valuable form if intelligence?

I can’t help but wonder if this is a gender bias, too. I can think of so many examples of males with a “gifted” mind, all of whom are clever at logical reasoning/problem solving/mathematics, but… are there female equivalents? Is the same intelligence in a woman more likely to express itself as a higher emotional intelligence/reasoning, verbal comprehension index, and language and/or emotional based information processing?

Let me tell you, OP, I don’t know. I’ve always felt like I resonated with the story of the “gifted” child but I never actually received any of the educational support or intervention some of my peers - all of whom are male - did. I can’t help but wonder if I would have been referred for the same kind of intervention if I was a boy. I can’t help but wonder whether the reason I’m not considered gifted is because of the value we put on the way intelligence presents in women vs. men. I don’t know: maybe it’s just my own ego talking 🤷‍♀️

I discussed the idea of giftedness with the psychologist who diagnosed me. She said I could be, but there wasn’t necessarily hard proof in the tests she conducted.

My FSIQ (Full-Scale IQ)

Score: 113, Range (95% CI): 109-117 Percentile: 81st

My GAI (General Ability Index)*

Score: 126, Range (95% CI): 120-130 Percentile: 96th

* the GAI is a measure of intelligence designed to be less sensitive to the influence of working memory and processing speed than the FSIQ test. Since both these skills are frequently and significantly impaired in individuals with ADHD, the significant difference between the GAI and the FSIQ can be indicative of ADHD. Significant difference between these two scores is not observed in the majority of the population. The difference between my GAI nad FSIQ score were determined to be statistically significant, suggesting impaired working memory and processing speed.

I don’t think I count as gifted, not by a holistic measure of intelligence anyway. Still, it’s interesting to see just how heavily ADHD impacts one’s overall perceived intelligence just from working memory and processing speed being different in the ADHD brain.

please elaborate on your experience in replies/reblogs if you’d like!

[swan-of-sunrise]

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#5

Infinity War (Chapter Two)

Summary: (Y/N) reunites with an old friend and the Black Order invades New York in search of the Time Stone.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: This chapter’s a lot longer than I originally anticipated but I’m really proud that I was able to finish it on time, so that’s nice lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Two (Previous Chapter)

For a Master of the Mystic Arts who once boasted to have an extensive watch list of people who posed a potential threat to Earth, Doctor Stephen Strange had no goddamn idea that a power-hungry genocidal maniac was on his way to retrieve two out of the six Infinity Stones. It was all (Y/N) could do to keep her irritation in check as she gave the two baffled sorcerers a brief explanation of not only who Thanos was and why he was so dangerous, but how she, her one-month-old daughter and Bruce Banner all found their way back to Earth; not only was she irritated by his ignorance of the Mad Titan, but also the lie he’d told her moments before she’d been accidentally transported to Sakaar.

“You didn’t strike me as a liar when we first met.”

Stephen, who was preoccupied with bandaging the two wounds on her bicep, sighed but kept his focus on his work. “I’d hate to argue semantics with you, Miss (Y/L/N), but I never lied to you; I told you that you wouldn’t be alone during the birth of your daughter, and you weren’t.”

“So, you didn’t think to give me a heads-up that if I touched that ugly cauldron over there, I’d wind up trapped on an alien planet with a Prince of Asgard acting as my midwife?” (Y/N) asked, the harsh edge of her voice cutting through the silence in the Sanctum’s foyer. “Was it fun for you, looking into my future and seeing how I’d spend a month struggling to keep myself and my daughter alive? Knowing that Steve wouldn’t be there for Carina’s birth and deliberately keeping that information to yourself?”

“I understand why you’re upset and I’m not trying to dismiss your feelings, but I did warn you that messing around with time was a bad idea. A person isn’t meant to know too much about their own future; if I told you what I saw – which, for the record, was only the moment of your daughter’s birth on Sakaar and a brief glimpse of you both back here in New York – it simply wouldn’t have happened.” Once he was finished securing the bandage around her upper arm, Stephen stood up from the antique lounge they were seated on and extended a hand to her, a glimmer of regret in his darkened gaze. “For what it’s worth, you adapted to your unfortunate circumstances far better than I thought you would.”

(Y/N) huffed out a humorless chuckle and allowed the doctor to help her stand, inwardly frowning in concern when she felt his hand tremble in hers but deciding not to mention it. “That’s only because I had help the entire time. Loki-” Her throat tightened in grief and she forced herself not to think of her unlikely friend and all the others that remained trapped on the Statesman. Thankfully, she was prevented from finishing her sentence when Wong – the other sorcerer that protected the New York Sanctum from mystical threats – and a freshly-dressed Bruce walked into the foyer. “How’re you feeling, Bruce?”

“Okay, I guess, but my memory’s still a little foggy…” Bruce fiddled with the sleeve of his borrowed blazer and observed the wrecked staircase with his brow furrowed in confusion. “You said that the Bifrost brought me here? I don’t remember any of that, i-it’s like the Hulk’s stopping me from trying to remember or something but I don’t know why. Usually, the Big Guy and I are on the same page but lately it feels like we aren’t even reading the same book.”

She walked over to where Bruce stood and gave his hand a comforting squeeze. “All that matters is that you’re safe now; we’ll figure out whatever’s going on together, okay? You don’t have to go through this alone.”

The scientist threw her a grateful look and they both turned to Stephen as he opened a sparking portal and stepped through it. “We’d better go through after him so Tony doesn’t get too freaked out and go full Iron Man on him.”

“You go ahead, I’ll stay here with Carina,” (Y/N) replied, hiding her growing discomfort behind a fleeting smile that vanished when Bruce turned away; she hadn’t seen or spoken to Tony Stark in over two years, with their last tension-filled interaction being the day she’d moved out of the Avengers Facility, and she wasn’t entirely sure how he’d react to seeing her again and learning that Steve Rogers conceived a child with her while on the run. All this stress is going to give me premature grey hair, she silently remarked, glancing over at Carina’s pram hovering by the foot of the ruined staircase and brightening a little when she saw that Wong was entertaining the cooing infant with magical bursts of multicolored fireworks. She walked over to the pair, adjusting her daughter’s blanket and quietly chuckling as her eyes widened in awe at the bright display above her. “Looks like you’re Carina’s favorite person at the moment, Wong. You know, when we first met Stephen mentioned that you were a fan of my novels.”

Wong smiled and nodded. “They’re woven together with such intricate details and compelling characters that they’re almost impossible to put down; my entire collection is back at Kamar-Taj, otherwise I’d ask you to autograph them for me.”

“Well, I’m just a-” She copied the arm movements that Stephen used to conjure the portal across the foyer. “-away, so feel free to drop by anytime when all of this is over.”

Before either of them could say anything, Stephen marched back through the sparking portal with Bruce and Tony Stark on his heels. The billionaire’s attention was focused on the doctor and the emotionally-frazzled scientist but when Stephen turned to close the portal behind them, his gaze shifted and finally landed on (Y/N); his brow shot up in surprise and if she didn’t know any better, she’d say that he was a little pleased to see her. “It’s been a while, Austen.” His familiar nickname for her brought a small smile to her face. “How’s my favorite historical fiction novelist doing, and why’s she dressed like Éowyn from Lord of the Rings?”

“The world’s in danger and we’re the ones who have to save it again, so pretty good, all things considered. I’ll explain the outfit in a minute but first, I think that there’s someone you should meet.” With a steadying breath, (Y/N) reached down into the pram and lifted her squirming daughter into her arms, kissing her brow before walking over to where Tony stood. “Tony, this is my daughter Carina…Carina Lorraine Rogers-(Y/L/N).”

Tony’s brown eyes flicked between (Y/N) and the infant in her arms as a flurry of emotions crossed his face; there was shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, and even some regret before he finally settled on the ghost of his trademark smirk. “She’s a cute kid. Good thing she takes after her mom, huh?”

“She may have my looks, but she inherited all of her attitude from her father.” Right on cue, Carina blew an exceptionally loud raspberry and began to gum the edge of (Y/N)’s breastplate, making Tony chuckle and (Y/N) sigh in mild exasperation. “You see? She definitely didn’t get that from me.”

The billionaire looked as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it, giving her and her daughter another smile before glancing back over at Stephen, Wong and Bruce standing in the center of the foyer. “Now, can one of you guys explain why I’m here in a wizard’s secret lair and not jogging through Central Park with my fiancée?”

Exchanging a wary glance with Bruce, (Y/N) tightened her hold on Carina and launched into the briefest explanation she could manage of hers and the scientist’s adventures in space; how both of them ended up on Sakaar and their struggle to survive in the Grandmaster’s palace, how they became involved in the Asgardian’s fight against the Goddess of Death and how they both wound up back on Earth. Tony patiently listened to her talk and didn’t interrupt, but she could practically see the wheels in his head turning as she told their story and she was reminded of the argument she’d overheard the night that Ultron first attacked the Avengers.

“…A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We’re standing three hundred feet below it. We’re the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but that up there? That’s…that’s the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?”

“Together.”

“We’ll lose.”

“Then we’ll do that together, too.”

Tony was right about needing to be prepared for another cosmic threat, (Y/N) silently admitted to herself, but we’re not going to lose this fight against Thanos…we can’t lose. When she finally finished, she stepped back and allowed the two sorcerers to explain the Infinity Stones in their own words, watching in barely-concealed awe when Wong raised his hands and used his magic to conjure a ball of light above them all.

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70 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

#4

Infinity War (Chapter One)

Summary: In the wake of Asgard’s destruction, (Y/N) and Carina’s journey back to Earth and to Steve Rogers is interrupted when Thanos attacks the Statesman.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings/Disclaimers: Disclaimer for a brief description of a panic attack

A/N: And here we’ve reached Avengers: Infinity War...I might as well apologize now for the angst that’s in store for ya’ll this time around lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter One June 2018 The Statesman, Space (Previous Book)

“…So, that’s everything I missed while I was away from Earth?”

(Y/N) nodded, anxiously fiddling with the hem of her golden-yellow cape while she watched Thor absorb all of the information she’d spent the past half an hour relaying to him. “Pretty much. Look, Thor, I know it’s a lot to take in all at once so if you need a minute to process-”

She was abruptly cut off when the large Asgardian wrapped his arms around her and held her in a near-suffocating embrace; once she got over her initial shock, she looped her arms around his trim waist and rested her cheek against his muscular chest with a resigned smile. Telling Thor about the Sokovia Accords and the disbandment of the Avengers was something that she’d been dreading ever since running into him on the streets of Greenwich Village, unsure of how he’d react to the news. She’d prepared herself for anger and possibly even tears, especially after everything he’d gone through on Sakaar and having seen Asgard destroyed barely a day ago, but she certainly hadn’t prepared herself to be on the receiving end of a bear-hug.

“I can’t imagine how difficult things have been for you these past few years, Writer (Y/L/N). Once we establish a settlement for what remains of Asgard, I’ll speak to this Secretary Ross about pardoning Captain Rogers and his accomplices; after all you did to help save my people, you have my undying word that little Carina will finally meet her father.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Thor, but…” She managed to pull away enough so that she could see his kindhearted face. “I’m not so sure it’ll be that easy. One hundred and seventeen countries came together to sign the Accords and even if you managed to have the document amended or abolished…well, it’s been almost two years and Steve and Tony still aren’t on speaking terms.”

Thor’s blue eye was filled with sadness as he nodded and loosened his hold on her, but he did his best to give her a reassuring smile. “Hope can be just as powerful of a weapon as any sword or blaster and as long as we hold onto it, anything is possible.”

(Y/N) matched his smile with one of her own and gave his arm a playful nudge with her shoulder. “You’re a pretty great king.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.” They both turned to watch Loki enter the chamber with a bright-eyed Carina nestled in his arms, a gleam of mischief in his blue-green gaze as he cheekily continued. “He’s been king for less than twenty-four hours, mortal, let’s at least give the oaf a week before we draw any conclusions about his mighty reign.”

“And you, Loki, thrive far too much on purposefully antagonizing the people around you.”

Thor waved her off with a widening grin. “It’s all right, Writer (Y/L/N), these days he’s all talk and no action; the old Loki would’ve followed that all up by stabbing me, but pretend marriage and pretend fatherhood seems to have softened him up.”

Loki rolled his eyes and Thor stuck his tongue out at him, causing (Y/N) to shake her head in exasperation as she watched their interaction. “Seriously? I swear, my daughter’s more mature than the both of you combined and she’s only a month old.”

“Mortal, your spawn is not-”At that moment, Carina’s tiny fingers wrapped around a lock of Loki’s raven hair and tugged, eliciting a surprised yelp from him and a snort of amusement from Thor. “Yes, what was that you were saying about her so-called elevated maturity?”

Ignoring Thor’s laughter and Loki’s accusatory glare, (Y/N) lifted the infant into her arms and held her up at eye level. “Carina Lorraine Rogers-(Y/L/N), that was a very rude thing to do to your Uncle Loki…but I’ll let it slide this one time since he called you my spawn.” She kissed the tip of her daughter’s nose and carefully placed her in her floating pram, taking a moment to adjust her blanket before moving to stand beside the brothers at the large window; she stared out into the star-filled space before them, and she couldn’t hide her awestruck smile at the beautiful sight. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this sight. How long do you think it’ll take to reach Earth?”

“I spoke with the Valkyrie earlier and she assured me that we’ll be there within the week; we’re twenty-two jumps away from Asgard, which means we only have around forty more to go.” Loki replied, fidgeting a little as he folded his hands in front of him. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to go back to Earth?”

“Yes, of course, the people of Earth love me. I’m very popular.”

“And it’s where the father of my child is so yes, I also think it’s a very good idea.”

Loki bit back an exasperated sigh. “Let me rephrase that for you both: Do you really think it’s a good idea to bring me back to Earth?”

His brother considered his question before shrugging his shoulders. “Probably not, to be honest.” (Y/N) reached down and took Loki’s hand, squeezing it in comfort as he looked down at the floor. “But I wouldn’t worry, brother. I feel like everything’s going to work out fine.”

Loki looked up at them and when he met their eyes, a hopeful smile tugged at the corners of his mouth; they all turned back towards the enormous window but as they watched, a massive ship came into view and blocked out the light of the nearby stars. For the briefest moment, (Y/N) wondered if it was some sort of rescue vessel responding to the distress call the Asgardian refugees had put out shortly after their escape, but her optimism evaporated the moment she saw Loki’s pale face and heard his horrified whisper. “Thanos.”

“Wait, who’s-?” (Y/N)’s heart plummeted in her chest when she recalled the troubling conversation about a genocidal world-conquering maniac obsessed with Infinity Stones she’d stumbled into during one of the Grandmaster’s parties. “Oh God…”

“What’s wrong?” Thor asked, a frown on his face and a glimmer of fear in his eye as he took in their reactions. “Loki, who is that?”

“There’s no time for explanations, Thor, we need to sound the alarm and summon every Einherjar we have left right now, before it’s too late! We must evacuate-” Loki’s frantic words were interrupted by the entire ship shuddering as the larger vessel fired its first blast and a shrill alarm began to sound throughout the ship. “Please, brother, you must trust me! Take (Y/N) and lead the people onto the escape shuttles, I’ll gather our warriors onto the bridge and begin mounting our defense with Heimdall.”

Before either of them could reply, Loki dashed out of the chamber and after exchanging matching looks of panic, Thor and (Y/N) gathered up Carina’s pram and hurried to follow his command.

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74 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#3

Taking Care of Business (Chapter Twenty-Two)

Summary: While helping to re-establish the Mandalorian covert in the substrata of Glavis, Din asks the Armorer to forge a gift and learns more about the Darksaber alongside (Y/N) and Paz Vizsla.

Pairing: Din Djarin X Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings/Disclaimers: Disclaimer for a brief description of a panic attack

A/N: Okay, I intended on including Din’s Darksaber training and the duel here but I decided it deserved its own chapter, so the action will definitely ramp up next time lol I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-Two The Covert (Previous Chapter)

“So, how did you become acquainted with a pilot?”

Din glanced up from the chain he was fastening around the forge and looked up at Paz, the muscle in his jaw clenching when he noticed his fellow Mandalorian watching (Y/N) as she worked to rewire some old equipment alongside the Armorer. “I helped her defeat the remnants of a crime syndicate and in turn, she helped me return Gro-the foundling to his own kind.”

“Why haven’t you exchanged vows yet?” Paz asked with an accusatory edge to his voice, turning back to face him and pointing to the signet fastened to his pauldron. “Clan Mudhorn cannot thrive with only two members, but a riduurok will ensure its continuation.”

“We’ve been busy,” Din replied, resuming his task with slightly more force than necessary and carefully watching Paz out of the corner of his eye while he considered their exchange.

What he told Paz was technically true, but the fact of the matter was that he hadn’t even asked (Y/N) to marry him; the subject of marriage was one that simply never came up between them. He knew, of course, that the captain loved him and wanted to continue traveling as his partner, but he had no idea if marriage appealed to her or not. If he were being honest with himself, one of the real reasons he hadn’t brought it up was because he was afraid of ruining what they already had. He told himself that he’d bring it up once their lives calmed down a little, but it was starting to look as though a calm life just wasn’t in the cards for them just yet. I’ll ask her the moment the time feels right, he promised himself as he glanced over at (Y/N), no matter where we are or what we’re doing.

The two Mandalorians moved the forge to the center of the workshop, Paz pushing the heavy machinery while Din tugged it into place using the sturdy chain, the sound of the successful installation echoing throughout the room. While Din began unfastening the chain, Paz started connecting the tubing to the forge and broke the silence with another pointed question. “Where did you come upon the Darksaber?”

Although his shoulders were tensed, Din continued hauling equipment as he gave his fellow Mandalorian a carefully worded reply. “I defeated Moff Gideon.”

Paz considered his words for a moment. “Did you kill him?”

“No. But he was sent off to the New Republic for interrogation and he’ll face justice for his crimes.”

The larger Mandalorian scoffed and began winding up the loose chain. “Death would’ve been justice for his atrocities.”

“This is true.” They both turned to see the Armorer and (Y/N) enter the workshop. “The blood of millions of our kind is on his hands.”

“I’m a veteran of the Rebel Alliance and while the atrocities Moff Gideon committed still affect me to this day, I know that killing him in combat isn’t justice.” The captain’s frown was deep and her expression clouded with frustration as she stared unflinchingly at the two Mandalorians before her. “Once he’s put on trial and any useful Imperial intel is taken from him, he’ll be executed for his crimes by the New Republic Tribunal.”

While the Armorer and Paz stood in stunned silence, Din admired his partner’s wisdom and fearlessness; not many people would readily contradict a Mandalorian while in their presence, but (Y/N) was hardly unfazed under their intimidating stares. A tense moment passed before the Armorer turned away and began pressing buttons on the nearest control panel. “We shall see.” At the flip of a switch, the forge ignited and she walked over to a nearby cabinet as she continued. “The songs of eons past foretold of the Mythosaur rising up to herald a new age of Mandalore…” She pressed a button and the doors slid open to reveal her familiar forging tools. “Sadly, it only exists in legends. Where did you come upon the beskar spear?”

Reaching over his shoulder, Din unsheathed the spear he’d strapped onto his jetpack and held it in his gloved hands, examining the shining metal while he moved to stand beside (Y/N) at the forge. “It was a gift of a Jedi. It can block a lightsaber; I used it to defeat Moff Gideon.”

“It can also pierce beskar armor.” The Armorer pointed out. “It’s mere existence puts Mandalorians at risk. Mandalorian steel is meant for armor, not weapons.”

Din recalled a recent conversation he’d shared with (Y/N), where the captain had voiced her concerns about the risks involved with wielding the beskar spear; if an opponent managed to disarm him, they’d have no problem using the spear against him and injuring or possibly killing him. He looked over at his partner and nodded before holding the weapon out towards the Armorer. “Then forge it into armor.”

The Mandalorian crossed the workshop and accepted the spear. “The Darksaber is a more noble weapon for you to wield.”

Just as long as I can learn how to wield it without slicing one of my own limbs off, Din thought with an exasperated eye-roll, moving to sit beside (Y/N) on a storage container and watch the Armorer place the tip of the spear into the white-hot fire. (Y/N) intertwined her fingers with his and rested their joined hands on her lap, his thumb rubbing soothing circles across her knuckles as she finally spoke up. “Have you ever heard of Bo-Katan Kryze?”

“Bo-Katan is a cautionary tale.” They watched as the Armorer poured a solution into a deep basin of water and at her statement, Din found himself leaning forward in interest; since meeting the unconventional Mandalorian back on Trask, they’d both been eager to learn more about her and the real reason why she was so hell-bent on defeating Moff Gideon. “She once laid claim to rule Mandalore based purely on blood and the sword you now possess.” She walked back to the forge and rotated the spear as its metal began to weaken. “But it was gifted to her and not won by Creed. Bo-Katan Kryze was born of a mighty house, but they lost sight of the Way. Her rule ended in tragedy; they lost their Way, and we lost our world. Had our sect not been cloistered on the moon of Concordia, we would have not survived the Great Purge.”

“When we first met, she mentioned having fought in the Purge,” (Y/N) recalled, and her eyes flicked between Din and the Armorer as she hesitantly continued. “But I still don’t exactly know what happened to Mandalore.”

“Those born of Mandalore strayed away from the path. Eventually, Imperial interlopers destroyed all that we knew and loved in the Night of a Thousand Tears. Only those that walked the Way escaped the curse prophesied in the Creed. Though our numbers were scattered to the winds, our adherence to the Way has preserved our legacy for the generations until we may someday return to our home world.” The captain nodded once the Armorer’s story ended but judging by the familiar line that formed between her brows, her mind was racing with thoughts; removing the spear from the fire, the Mandalorian finally looked up at Din. “What shall I forge?”

Din bit his lip as he thought over her question; he’d ask that the Armorer forge something that could provide (Y/N) with some added protection, but he knew that the captain would only consider it a waste of beskar and refuse to accept the armor. His thoughts then turned to another member of their small clan and while he still felt the familiar sadness that came along with remembering Grogu, his lips curved into the smallest of smiles. “Something for a foundling.”

“This is the Way.”

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80 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

#2

"Bullseye!"

Summary: When (Y/N) complains about Cap’s method of training agents to Kate Bishop, her good friend and hopeless crush, the archer volunteers to take over her firearms training. Or, a simple archery training session between two young women leads to lots of awkward flirting and the start of something new.

Pairing: Kate Bishop X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Okay, so this is sort of new territory for me, I've never written a wlw story before, but I’ve always wanted to and Kate Bishop’s one of my favorite new ladies in the MCU lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

“Bullseye!” (Fanfiction Masterlist)

“It was really sweet of you to volunteer for this, Kate.” (Y/N) slung her full quiver of arrows over her shoulder and awkwardly held her training bow at her side as she smiled at her friend. “I’m kinda hopeless when it comes to Cap’s training courses and the others can be a little intimidating, so this really means a lot to me.”

Kate looked up from adjusting the circular target at the opposite end of the training room with a smile of her own. “Believe me, I remember how hard all those weapons certification courses were. That’s why I decided to go ahead and develop my own training course, so that newer recruits can learn the basics without the fear of being forced to run laps or – God forbid – do push-ups.” (Y/N) giggled as the archer wrinkled her nose in disgust, feeling some of her apprehension melt away only to be replaced with the familiar fluttering in her chest brought on by her undeniable crush on Kate Bishop.

The raven-haired archer’s kindness and sarcastic wit were rivaled only by her stunning beauty, all traits that made quick work of capturing (Y/N)’s heart and reducing her into an embarrassingly lovesick fool. But Kate was her only close friend at the Avengers Compound and she feared that revealing her true feelings would result in a ruined friendship, so she resolved to bury them deep and try not to pine. Try and ultimately fail, (Y/N) thought with an inward sigh, doing her best to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat when Kate stood beside her and playfully hip-checked her as she notched an arrow onto her bow’s string. “All right, Professor Bishop, what’s next?”

“I’m gonna show you how to correctly fire an arrow and then I’m gonna watch you fire one to see what areas need improving. Just watch what I do and you’ll be okay, my young Padawan.” She chuckled and adjusted her foot placement while (Y/N) rolled her eyes in exasperation. “So, this is the stance you’re gonna wanna take: back straight, feet shoulder-width apart and at ninety-degrees to the target. Don’t grip the bow too tightly or you’ll hurt yourself, then position your fingers like this…” She gestured with her chin towards where her fingers curled around the bowstring. “One finger above the arrow and two below. The string’ll snap on your fingers if they’re not straight and believe me, that hurts like a son of a bitch so always take the time to check your fingers before moving onto the next step.”

(Y/N) nodded. “Will-do. I’m not exactly a hand model, but I think I’d prefer to keep all my fingers just in case.”

“Well, I happen to think you’ve got very nice hands.” (Y/N)’s brows rose at the unusual compliment and Kate’s face flushed with embarrassment. “Was that too weird? That sounded kinda weird.”

“It was a little weird, but no one’s ever complimented my hands before so I’ll take it.” Quickly looking away from the archer’s sparkling eyes, (Y/N) cleared her throat and nodded towards her bow. “So, what’s the next step?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, the next step!” Kate gave her a flustered smile before raising her bow and pulling back the string. “Use your back muscles to pull the string back, not your biceps, and pull it back so that your index finger’s under your chin; the string should lightly brush against your nose and lips, like this, and now you take a moment to aim at your target using your dominant eye…and once you’re aligned, you relax your fingers and release.” The arrow sped across the training room and impaled itself into the center of the circular target, and Kate turned to her with a bright grin. “Bullseye! You ready to give it a try, (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) nodded and with a nervous chuckle, she notched her arrow and shuffled her feet into position. “Not sure I’ll get a bullseye on my first shot, but I’ll try my best.”

“Think positive thoughts! I know they’re not the most fun but I’ve seen your proficiency scores in Cap’s firearms course, and you’re one hell of a crack-shot; just pretend that your bow’s a .22 and you’ll be fine. Do you mind if I fix your posture for you?” When she agreed, Kate nudged her feet further apart with the toe of her book and she was forced to bite back her gasp of surprise when the archer stood behind her and gently straightened her back for her; her eyes went wide when Kate not only remained close behind her, but as her hands moved to rest on the curve of her hips. “Okay, next step?” (Y/N) struggled to focus on her training for a moment before remembering to adjust her fingers on the bowstring, earning an approving hum from the archer. “Hey, you were paying attention!”

“Well, it’s easy to when you’ve got such an excellent teacher,” (Y/N) replied with a smile, emboldened by the weight of Kate’s hands on her hips and the praising tone in her voice; was it her imagination, or did the archer’s breath hitch? Before she could give a reply, (Y/N) raised her bow and drew the string back. “How’s this?”

“G-Good. Yeah, it’s good, just…” One of Kate’s hands left her hip and moved to cup her elbow. “This arm needs to go a little higher.” Her hand remained in place even after (Y/N) did as she said, her fingers curling against the material of the workout jacket and their warmth practically searing (Y/N)’s flushed skin. “Use your nose and lips as your anchor. Good, just like that, now take aim at your target…” (Y/N) felt the tip of Kate’s nose brush against her hair as she softly murmured into her ear, “And fire away.”

(Y/N) released the arrow and watched with bated breath as it sailed through the air, where it impaled itself at the very edge of the target’s red center. “Bullseye!” She exclaimed in delight, jumping up and down in excitement as she turned to her beaming friend. “Holy shit, Kate, did you see that?!”

“Yeah, that was an awesome shot!” The archer laughed and smiled at her celebratory dancing. “Didn’t I tell you you’d be great at this?”

Without thinking, (Y/N) threw her arms around Kate and the two friends shared an enthusiastic hug, the sounds of their giggles echoing throughout the vast training room. Her eyes went wide once she realized what she’d impulsively done but when she started to pull back, she caught sight of the archer’s gaze fixated on her lips; her dark eyes darted up to meet hers and while a pink blush spread throughout her face, she slowly brought her hand up and brushed the pads of her fingertips timidly against (Y/N)’s own flushed cheek. A newfound glimmer of hope that Kate might have similar feelings for her blossomed and anxious butterflies fluttered away in her stomach as she whispered, “I-Is it okay if I kissed you right now?”

A brilliant smile spread across Kate’s face. “Absolutely.”

(Y/N) leaned in and closed her eyes as her lips brushed against Kate’s in a slow kiss; it was soft and gentle and perhaps a little shy, but while the archer’s arm encircled her waist to bring her closer and her calloused hand cradled her cheek as if she were made of delicate glass, she knew that it was perfect. After they finally separated, (Y/N) rested her forehead against Kate’s and breathlessly smiled. “That was…wow.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda what I was thinking,” Kate chuckled, her dark eyes gleaming with happiness as she bashfully bit her lip. “I like you, (Y/N). A lot. Like, a lot-a lot.” The archer grinned when (Y/N) giggled at her overemphasis. “I’m, um, I’m not really experienced with all this, but I think it might be your turn to say something.”

“I like you, too.” She took hold of Kate’s hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “I don’t know where that leaves us…but I’m free tomorrow night, if you wanna go grab some pizza and see a movie with me? O-Or not, I know you’re pretty busy and I wouldn’t wanna intrude-”

(Y/N) squeaked in surprise when Kate’s lips crashed against hers and effectively silenced her anxious rambling, and it took her a moment to recover and kiss the archer back. They were both out of breath by the time they finally separated, with (Y/N) trying in vain to regain her voice and Kate smiling widely in triumph. “Bullseye.”

“…Oh, please tell me you’re not gonna say that every time you kiss me.”

“I’m not sure yet,” The archer shrugged as (Y/N) playfully rolled her eyes. “So I guess you’ll have to wait until tomorrow night to find out, won’t you? I’ll get Clint to dog-sit Lucky and we’ll have a night on the town; I’m talking pizza, ice cream, the movie theater, Rockefeller’s skating rink, maybe even one of those cheesy escape rooms we could probably solve with our eyes closed…” They both chuckled at that and (Y/N) relished the newfound softness in Kate’s dark eyes as they stared into hers. “How’s that sound?”

With a happy sigh, (Y/N) looped her arms around Kate’s neck and smiled. “Sounds very Kate Bishop: a little bit weird and absolutely wonderful.”

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158 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

What The World Needs Now...

Summary: Entirely out of options and fearing for her daughter’s safety, (Y/N) decides to pay Professor Charles Xavier a visit at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. The man in charge of the school, however, was nothing like what (Y/N) had expected.

Pairing: Charles Xavier X Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: I was going through one of my old flash drives when I found this one-shot I’d written years ago, way back when I had a huge thing for McAvoy’s Professor X (specifically Professor X from X-Men: Apocalypse, the flowing brown hair really got to me lol). After making a few quick edits, I decided to publish it for you all to read so I hope that you enjoy! "What The World Needs Now Is Love" by Jackie DeShannon partially inspired this one-shot, so give it a listen if you've never heard it before :)

What The World Needs Now... September 1979

Looking out the window of the taxi, (Y/N) quietly admired how the sunlight streamed through the endless forest of trees; although they’d been traveling from Westchester County Airport through the woods of upstate New York for nearly a half an hour, the beautiful scenery still managed to keep her distracted from any anxious thoughts.

(Y/N) turned to Molly, who was curled against her side and fast asleep, and gently brushed her hair away from her peaceful face before looking down at the letter resting on her lap. The paper, once crisp and white, was wrinkled and stained from countless readings and although she could practically recite the words from memory by now, she began to read the letter once again.

Dear Miss (Y/L/N),

To say that I was pleasantly surprised by your letter would be an understatement; in all my years of research, I have never heard of a mutation developing at such a young age. I would very much like to meet your daughter to uncover more about her mutation but unfortunately, I am unable to leave my school and students unattended for extended periods of time. Would it be possible for you and your daughter to travel here? I know how complicated everything must seem to you now but I promise you, Miss (Y/L/N), I will do everything in my power to help the both of you in this challenging time.

                                                  Regards,

                                                  Professor Charles Xavier

Enclosed with the letter were two first-class plane tickets and in any other situation, (Y/N) would’ve rejected such generosity, but she was beyond desperate; Molly’s powers were accelerating with each passing day and becoming more and more noticeable, and they’d already been the target of threats from their supposed friends and neighbors. So, without a second thought, she and Molly found themselves on an airplane the day after the letter arrived. Professor Xavier seems like a very kindhearted old man, she thought with a hint of a smile, maybe the sort who wears patches on the elbows of his jackets and misplaces his reading glasses, or one who is even bald. No matter what he looked or dressed like, though, she was beyond relieved to have finally found someone who could possibly help her daughter.

“Would you look at that?” The taxi driver gave a low whistle. “That’s one hell of a house, huh?”

(Y/N) looked up from the letter and gasped in awe. In the distance stood an enormous mansion, similar to European castles and manors she’d only read about in books; the impressive stone structure was ringed with a manicured lawn and towering trees, and tendrils of ivy grew along the towering walls of the building.

“Molly? Molly, sweetie, time to wake up, we’re here!” Molly’s eyes slowly opened and she sleepily raised her hands to rub at them. “Molly-Bear look, doesn’t it look like a castle?”

Molly finally looked up and her face immediately brightened. “A castle, Mommy!” (Y/N) had to quickly stuff the letter into her purse and move it out of the way as the five-year old clambered onto her lap for a better look; she pressed her hands, which were wrapped in a pair of pink mittens, onto the window and stared at the mansion with wide eyes. “Is there a dragon in there?”

“I’m not sure, sweetie, you’ll have to ask Professor Xavier when we meet him.”

Minutes later, the taxi driver pulled up to the front of the mansion and stopped. (Y/N) thanked him and paid their fare before getting out and grabbing their two suitcases; they watched the taxi drive off before walking up several steps to the mansion’s massive front doors. On the stone wall beside the door was a modest brass plaque, which read Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.

“Wanna help me knock, Molly-Bear?” When the little girl smiled toothily, (Y/N) set their suitcases down, picked Molly up and rested her against her hip before raising her knuckles to the door. Molly placed her small fist against the door and they both knocked loudly, and (Y/N) silently hoped that someone in the enormous house would be able to hear them.

Much to her surprise, however, the door opened only a few moments later to reveal a tall man; he had a youthful face, with carefully styled brown hair and brilliant blue eyes behind a pair of black-rimmed glasses, and he wore a white laboratory coat over a dark blue button-down shirt and brown slacks. “Hello, how can I help you?”

“We wanna see Professor ’Zavier!”

The man’s bewildered look would’ve made (Y/N) smile if not for their serious situation. “My name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N), and this is my daughter, Molly. We’re here to meet Professor Charles Xavier.” She reached into her purse, withdrew the letter and handed it to the wary man. “He sent me this letter several days ago.”

His eyes quickly scanned the words and he looked up, his guarded expression falling as he gave her a bright smile. “Of course, the professor’s been expecting you both, Miss (Y/L/N)!” Giving back the letter, he opened the door wider and gestured for them to enter. “Here, let me get your bags for you.”

“Thank you, Mr.…?”

“Oh, it’s Hank, Hank McCoy.” He shook her hand before bringing their suitcases into the house and nudging the door closed behind them. “The professor should be in his study, so if you’ll follow me…”

While Hank led them through the halls of the mansion, (Y/N) looked around and admired the beautiful interior. Everything from the mahogany wood-paneling to the slightly-faded ornate carpeting made her feel as though she were Nick Caraway from The Great Gatsby, entering the elaborate home of the mysterious Jay Gatsby for the very first time. However, she couldn’t help but notice a distinct lack of students roaming the halls.

“Excuse me, Hank, but where are all the children?”

Hank glanced down at his wristwatch. “Right now, they’re all in fifth period. It’s usually a lot noisier around here, but I think they’re all taking tests today.” They turned down another hall and continued walking. “I’m sorry for back there, by the way, we don’t get many visitors and sometimes the ones we do get-” He bit his lip and looked down before continuing. “They’re not all exactly fans of mutants like us.” Giving his head a small shake, Hank glanced between her and Molly out of the corner of his eye. “So, um…what exactly is her-?”

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475 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bananasofthorns]

listen grian. nobody touches my bush, you're Done. it all started when grian touched my redstone, he played himself li-li-like a xylophone set on automatic, doc monster is a savage, with technical skills and crazy vocal acrobatics i'm a legend of the nho with etho beef and double o doc mc is coming for you sevenfold we got rendog another fireman to douse the flames that they shoot at this leviathan iskall can try again

you think i'm in hidin i'm just bidin my time, puttin pen to paper comin up with rhymes yeah we're a star studded group that got together just to crush you once we start somethin you know we're gonna see it through i'm the knight the soldier who brings the fight at first light y'all had to incite so now i gotta indict you're guilty of gettin murdered with words, y'all are out gunned, go home Nerds (woo-hoo!)

hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang

if you think you can stop the symmetry that's false, g-team is dialling for help but i'm ignoring their calls and when their bodies dissolve you'll know that false is on a killin spree, try to stop my pvp and perish painfully. i'm the queen of hearts heads and body parts, your diamond armor can't compare to my martial arts i'll send a poison dart to make you breathe your final breathe, g-team's name will be the only thing left

caffeinated animated redstone innovator my behavior's crazy can't blame me, impulse is never lazy tango why did you betray me (what?) now my scope is aiming better run from cover from all the ghast balls that i be taming, without a sound without no hesitation my creations are amazing better watch your step or the g-team will end up blazing, who's the better team? there is no controversy but before it's said and done y'all be BEGGIN us for mercy (alright!)

hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang 

X gon give it to ya! i'm gon give it to ya! X gon give it to ya (whaaaaaaaat?) lyrical boxing dropping blows on all my foes and the g-team they're looking unclean needed some sunscreen, burnt my words to hurt this herd of nerds it's absurd how my rhymes got them injured, danger danger! i got lasers to cut em up like razors, it's flexing season and i've got flavor, no weak defenses like trenches and benches that these dense heads are presentin

(they're presentin em alright. they're not very good, i could walk over that, i could i could jump over that. use an ender pearl, my elytra, come on g team, geez)

hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang

now i'm back got some things i wanna say. what's the letter that starts the alphabet (A!) ladies get in like the diggity be on the way (skrt!) cleo don't know who she's freakin with! all the lines say to notify her next of kin this diggity dog be droppin bombs nothin but hits, spit that rhyme again (brrt!) cause the message is i can mumble rap and still be the best there is

hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang

oh, you wanted me to do a verse? i'd have to check with g-team-- i mean, i'd have to check my. schedule. to see if i'm able to do that. (oh, oh, oh, bananas, oh, oh oh, bananas. oh oh oh bananas oh oh oh bananas, oh, oh, oh, bananas)

i really don't think it's best for me to even be a part of this song

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ �� We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ��� ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

[kjack89]

Make It Up To You

Just some nauseatingly sweet, tooth-rotting established modern AU E/R. Because I think we all deserve some of that right now.   

“Guess what day it is,” Courfeyrac practically sang as he sat down next to Combeferre at the Musain.

Across the table, Enjolras arched an eyebrow without looking up from his phone. “Saturday?” he suggested vaguely.

Courfeyrac rolled his eyes. “No,” he said, pouting. “It’s February 12!”

Combeferre blinked up at him. “Is that a date of some significance?”

Courfeyrac’s pout deepened. “Yes,” he said, “insofar as it means it’s two days before the most important day of the year.”

“Your birthday’s in March,” Enjolras said, and Courfeyrac sighed.

“Fine, the second-most important day of the year.” When neither Enjolras nor Combeferre offered any recognition, he sighed again before saying loudly, “Valentine’s Day!”

Enjolras muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, ‘for fuck’s sake’, while Combeferre pasted a smile on his face. “Of course,” he said, patting Courfeyrac’s knee. “How could I forget?”

Courfeyrac’s eyes narrowed. “You say that like you have in fact forgotten,” he said, somewhat suspiciously, and Combeferre quickly changed the subject.

“Enjolras, what exciting plans do you and Grantaire have?”

Enjolras squinted at him as if he was trying to see if he was joking or not. “Absolutely nothing,” he said. “Grantaire is well aware of how I feel about holidays rooted in capitalism.”

Combeferre and Courfeyrac exchanged glances. “Are you sure about that?” Combeferre asked, somewhat delicately.

“Am I sure that Grantaire’s aware of how I feel about holidays rooted in capitalism?” Enjolras asked, confused.

“No, are you certain that you don’t want to plan something?”

Enjolras frowned. “Why in the hell—”

“Do you remember when you missed last Valentine’s Day?” Courfeyrac interrupted. “And St. Patrick’s Day?”

“And Memorial Day,” Combeferre added. “And the 4th of July?”

Courfeyrac nodded. “And Labor Day, and Grantaire’s Birthday, and—”

“Are you planning on getting to the point sometime this century?” Enjolras interrupted, irritated.

Courfeyrac scowled. “The point,” he said, emphasizing the word, “is that you told Grantaire that you’d make it up to him.” He paused before adding pointedly, “On Valentine’s Day.”

Whatever small amount of color was in Enjolras’s already pale skin disappeared. “Oh fuck,” he said. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, and when he opened them, it was with a familiar, determined look on his face. “Ok,” he said. “I’m gonna need some help. Courfeyrac, will you—”

“Already done,” Courfeyrac said, waving his phone. “Texted everyone besides Grantaire with an SOS and to come here ASAP.”

Indecision flit across Enjolras’s face. “I don’t want to make everyone help me fix my fuck up—” he started, but Combeferre cut him off.

“Believe me, they’ll want to.”

“Or at the very least, they’ll want to help Grantaire,” Courfeyrac added.

Enjolras sighed. “Why doesn’t that make me feel any better?”

- - - - - - - - - -

“Good morning,” Enjolras said, his voice low in Grantaire’s ear, and Grantaire groaned.

“Five more minutes,” he mumbled sleepily, rolling over.

Enjolras laughed lightly. “Can I tempt you with some coffee?” he asked. Grantaire muttered something incomprehensible and Enjolras laughed again before asking, “How about a mimosa?”

Immediately Grantaire sat up. “Mimosa?” he repeated, and Enjolras rolled his eyes affectionately.

“Knew that would do the trick,” he said, leaning in to kiss Grantaire. “Happy Valentine’s Day, by the way.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Grantaire returned, kissing him back for a brief moment before asking, “Where’s my mimosa?”

“One track mind,” Enjolras murmured fondly, kissing his forehead before standing and heading out into the kitchen and returning with a tray full of breakfast foods, two mimosas, and two steaming mugs of coffee. Grantaire made grabby-hands at the mimosa and Enjolras laughed as he passed it over. “Just the way you like it – 95% champagne, 5% orange juice.”

Grantaire’s eyes closed in bliss as he took a sip. “Perfect,” he pronounced, before arching an eyebrow at Enjolras. “Of course, now that I’m more awake, I’m reminded of the fact that it isn’t actually Valentine’s Day yet.”

“True,” Enjolras said, taking a bite of scrambled eggs. “But since Valentine’s Day is on Monday this year, I figured you wouldn’t mind celebrating on a Sunday. Especially since I’ve got a whole day planned.” Grantaire tried to say something through the mouthful of home fries he had just shoved in his mouth and Enjolras wrinkled his nose. “You know I love you, but I still don’t speak ‘Grantaire with his mouth full’.”

Grantaire swallowed and stuck his tongue out. “Funny, I don’t remember you having such a problem with it last night.” Enjolras flushed and Grantaire smirked. “Anyway, what I said was, ‘A whole day?’ And on Valentine’s Day, of all accursed holidays?”

“I don’t know if accursed is the word I would use,” Enjolras started, and Grantaire’s smirk widened.

“Oh, my apologies, I should have said of all corporatized, late capitalist hellhole holidays.”

“See, now that’s more like it.” Enjolras took a sip of coffee before continuing, “But my own misgivings about Valentine’s Day aside, it’s also not a terrible excuse for us to spend a day together, right? Especially since it’s not like there’s anything else going on.”

Grantaire considered it for a moment. “You know that it’s the Super Bowl tonight, right?”

Enjolras raised an eyebrow. “Like I said, since it’s not like there’s anything else going on.”

Grantaire laughed. “Fair enough.” He drained his mimosa. “So what do you have planned for today?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out,” Enjolras said innocently, patting Grantaire’s leg under the blanket. “Now finish up your breakfast and then take a quick shower because we’ve got places to go and people to see.”

Grantaire nodded slowly, popping a piece of bacon in his mouth before asking, matching Enjolras’s innocent tone, “How quick of a shower?”

Enjolras gave him a look. “Quicker than that, that’s for sure.”

Grantaire grinned. “You sure?” he asked, pitching his voice low. “Because you know that we can be very quick when we want to be.”

Enjolras just rolled his eyes as he stood, pausing to kiss the top of Grantaire’s head. “How about we save the shower sex for actual Valentine’s Day?”

“Fine,” Grantaire sighed, though he added as Enjolras picked up the tray to take it back to the kitchen, “but the rest of the day better be worth it.”

Enjolras couldn’t quite stop his smile as he said under his breath, “You have no idea.”

- - - - - - - - - -

“Where the hell are we going?” Grantaire asked a little warily as he and Enjolras walked hand-in-hand down an alley in a residential neighborhood not far from theirs. “I mean, I understand you and I occasionally have different definitions of romance, but I have seen three rats already and as much as I loved Ratatouille, it wasn’t exactly a Valentine’s Day movie.”

“Well, that’s the thing,” Enjolras said as they approached their destination. “We’re not celebrating Valentine’s Day.”

Grantaire’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?” he asked. “I thought that was the whole point of today.”

Enjolras shook his head as they stopped in front of a single-car garage. “Not quite,” he said before knocking on the garage door.

“Then what—”

Grantaire broke off as the garage door creaked open, revealing Courfeyrac, Joly, Bossuet, Bahorel and Feuilly, all of whom were decked out in various shades of green. “Sláinte!” Bahorel called, pressing a glass of Guinness into Grantaire’s hand.

Shaking his head slowly, Grantaire glanced around the garage, which had been decorated in shamrock decorations, a rainbow and pot of gold piñata, the Boondocks Saints poster Bahorel had in his dorm room over a decade ago, and a bunch of vintage Guinness signs, along with a beer pong table set up in the middle.. “Um,” he said, taking a sip of beer, “what the fuck?”

“Eloquent as always,” Joly said with a snicker.

“We’re celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day,” Bossuet informed Grantaire, nudging Joly in the ribs to stop him from laughing. “Hence the decor. And the beer.”

Feuilly offered a beer to Enjolras, who declined. “We were supposed to have corned beef sliders as a snack,” he told Grantaire, “but someone broke the crockpot.”

“In my defense,” Bossuet started, and everyone laughed.

“We know, babe,” Joly said, patting his hand. “We know.”

Grantaire just shook his head again, still staring around with equal parts amusement and confusion. “Is this your way of telling me you’re not going to be in town for St. Paddy’s this year?” he asked Enjolras.

“Of course not,” Enjolras said defensively, before amending, “At least, not that I know of yet.” He shrugged, looking at Grantaire almost nervously. “I just figured, since we didn’t get to do St. Paddy’s last year, and I know it’s your favorite holiday…”

He trailed off and Grantaire smiled at him. “It sure is,” he said, taking a swig of Guinness before asking, “Whose ass I am kicking in beer pong?”

“Dibs,” Bahorel and Feuilly said in unison, and Grantaire grinned.

“Game on.”

As they assembled the cups, complete with green beer, Courfeyrac sidled over to Enjolras. “How’s it going thus far?” he asked in an undertone.

“Good,” Enjolras said. “Thanks for letting us use your garage.”

Courfeyrac waved a dismissive hand. “Think nothing of it,” he said. “Besides, I can just leave the decorations up until it’s actually Saint Patrick’s Day, so it’s a win-win, really.”

Enjolras laughed. “Well, there is that.”

Courfeyrac glanced at him. “Does he have any idea what else you’ve got planned for today?”

Enjolras grinned. “Not a clue.”

- - - - - - - - - -

“Can I be honest about something?” Grantaire asked, leaning his head against the window in the backseat of the Lyft. “I think I might be a little bit buzzed.”

Enjolras laughed. “You’re getting old,” he teased. “Can’t hold your liquor anymore, old man.”

Grantaire gave him the finger. “Then what’s your excuse, lightweight?”

“Why do you have to say it like it’s an insult?” Enjolras asked, still laughing. “Anyway, I hope you’re not too buzzed, because we have another holiday to celebrate.”

Grantaire frowned. “Another one?” he asked.

Enjolras nodded. “Well, technically we’re celebrating a combination of a couple holidays.”

Grantaire nodded slowly. “Are we going chronologically?” he asked. 

“Depends on what holiday you think comes after St. Patrick’s Day,” Enjolras said

“Uh,’ Grantaire said, screwing his face up as he thought about it. “Passover?”

“Firstly, neither of us are Jewish. Secondly, I draw the line at celebrating religious holidays.”

Grantaire laughed. “So does that mean we won’t be celebrating Christmas sometime this evening?” he asked innocently.

“Clever,” Enjolras said. “But I never said Winter Solstice was off the table.”

Grantaire shook his head slowly. “So does that mean we really are doing a speed run through a bunch of holidays today?” he asked.

Enjolras bit his lip as he watched Grantaire’s expression closely. “Maybe,” he said. “If you’re ok with that, anyway. I can always cancel the rest of the day.” He paused before adding, “If you’ve had too much to drink already, anyway.”

“Fuck off,” Grantaire said, barking a laugh. “No, I have not had too much to drink. And yes, I’m absolutely fine with this. More than fine. Even if I still have no idea what’s coming next.”

“You’ll see,” Enjolras assured him.

Luckily, they weren’t far from their destination, and Grantaire’s brow once again furrowed as they got out of the Lyft. “The Conservatory?” he asked. “Are we celebrating Earth Day? Or is this a Clue thing and you’re planning on murdering me in the conservatory with the wrench?”

“As if I’d murder you with anything other than the candlestick,” Enjolras said, wrapping his arm around Grantaire’s shoulders. “But I had something slightly less violent in mind.”

Grantaire squinted at the entrance. “Is that Jehan?” he asked.

It was, and Jehan beamed at both of them as they approached. “For you,” he said, presenting Enjolras with a picnic basket, complete with a red gingham cloth peeking out from under the lid, before kissing both of their cheeks. “I’ll see you both later!”

“We’re going on a picnic?” Grantaire asked delightedly as they walked inside.

Enjolras nodded. “I figured there was no better way to celebrate the summer holidays like Memorial Day and the 4th of July,” he said. “And I figured there’s really nowhere else to have a picnic in the middle of winter.”

Grantaire glanced sideways at him. “You really put a lot of thought into this,” he said, sounding a little surprised, and Enjolras’s eyes narrowed.

“Always with the tone of surprise,” he said dryly.

“I just remember you not even a week ago saying how happy you were that we weren’t doing any of the romantic crap that Combeferre had planned for Courfeyrac for Valentine’s Day,” Grantaire said mildly.

Enjolras flushed. “Well, technically this isn’t for Valentine’s Day,” he hedged.

“Uh-huh,” Grantaire said skeptically before changing the schedule. “Well thank God for this picnic because I’m starving, and knowing Jehan, he’s packed plenty of bread and cheese, which is exactly what I need to offset the alcohol and make room for me to drink more alcohol.”

Enjolras laughed, turning his head to kiss Grantaire’s temple. “Sounds perfect.”

- - - - - - - - - - 

“Alright,” Grantaire said, sipping his coffee as they strolled down the street. “Coffee from the Starbucks that’s trying to unionize for Labor Day, cupcake from the bakery next door for my birthday—”

“Not just any cupcake,” Enjolras interrupted, squeezing his hand. “Your favorite kind of cupcake.”

Grantaire rolled his eyes affectionately and tilted his head up for a kiss. “While true, it was also an unnecessary cupcake because we celebrated my birthday.”

“Not on your actual birthday,” Enjolras pointed out.

Grantaire shrugged. “Still.” He took another sip of coffee. “Anyway, what holiday’s next? Are we gonna go vandalize a statue of Christopher Columbus for Columbus Day?”

“Hilarious,” Enjolras said. “But no, I thought we’d skip ahead just a little bit, even though I had to call in some pretty special favors to pull this one off.” He stopped walking at a bench, setting his coffee down. “And now we trade to coats, hats and gloves.”

Grantaire stared at him. “Why?” he asked with no small amount of suspicion. 

“Trust me.”

For a moment, it looked like Grantaire was going to question him further, but then he just shrugged. “Whatever,” he said, peeling off his green puffy coat and swapping it for Enjolras’s red peacoat. “You know that there’s no way in hell I’m going this thing buttoned, right?”

“I do know that,” Enjolras said, pulling Grantaire’s gray beanie over his blonde curls. “But for our purposes, you don’t need it to be buttoned.”

“I am fascinated to see where this is going,” Grantaire said, taking Enjolras’s hand again as they walked up to a vaguely-familiar looking house. “Wait a minute,” Grantaire said slowly as he saw the butternut squash propped outside of the front door with a squiggly smile drawn on it with Sharpie, “is that supposed to be a jack-o-lantern?”

Enjolras grinned. “Guess we’ll find out,” he said, ringing the doorbell.

Almost immediately they were met by giggles on the other side of the door. “Who’s there?” a high-pitched voice called.

“That’s not what you’re supposed to say,” another voice said.

“Is so!”

“Is not!”

“Why don’t you just open the door and see who it is?” a very tired voice asked, and Grantaire grinned, clearly recognizing Marius’s voice.

Sure enough, when the door opened, it revealed a disheveled Marius, a smiling Cosette, and their two kids, both dressed in Disney princess dresses, though their daughter was wearing a Darth Vader mask while their son had opted for an astronaut helmet. “Well?” their daughter said, putting her hands on her hips. “What do you say?”

“Fantine,” Marius sighed, “that’s not a polite way to talk to our guests.”

“But Daddy, they’re supposed to say Trick or Treat!” Fantine protested.

Georges nodded emphatically. “Yeah, Daddy, they have to say Trick or Treat,” he said seriously.

Enjolras elbowed Grantaire. “Trick or treat,” they said obediently, and both kids cheered.

Cosette laughed lightly. “We tried to get them to start off by saying Happy Halloween,” she told them. “But I don’t think they really understood the assignment.”

Georges tugged on her hand. “Do we get candy now?” he asked.

“You have to give candy to our guests first,” she told him.

Georges looked critically at Enjolras and Grantaire. “They’re not even wearing costumes,” he complained.

“Yes we are,” Enjolras said. “I’m dressed as Grantaire.”

Grantaire barked a laugh, clearly finally realizing why Enjolras had insisted on them swapping clothes, and he held his arms out to his sides. “And I am, very clearly, dressed as Enjolras.”

Fantine’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t think that counts,” she said.

“If they don’t get candy, you don’t get candy,” Marius told her.

She brightened. “It definitely counts,” she assured them before running with her brother into the kitchen to assumedly get the candy they had been promised.

“It does count,” Cosette told them both with a laugh. “I didn’t notice it at first but now that you said it, I can’t unsee it. Well done.”

“Low effort costumes were always my forte,” Grantaire told her. “I like the jack-o-lantern squash, by the way. Very nice touch.”

“I suggested using canned pumpkin, but Cosette thought the joke worked better with a squash,” Marius told him. “And as usual, she was right.”

He kissed Cosette’s cheek as their kids returned carrying a bag of candy. “You get to pick one,” Georges told them seriously as he held it out to them.

“That is very nice of you,” Grantaire said, equally serious. “I’m going for a peanut butter cup. Enjolras?”

“SweetTarts for sure,” Enjolras said.

Fantine beamed at them. “And the rest is for us,” she said smugly, and she and Georges ran off with the bag.

“Not until after dinner!” Marius shouted after them.

Grantaire rested his head on Enjolras’s shoulder. “You know, Pontmercy, I really think parenthood suits you.” Marius gave him the finger and Grantaire laughed before glancing up at Enjolras. “Speaking of dinner, do I even want to ask what you have planned?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough,” Enjolras told him. “Cosette, Marius, thank you for your help.”

“Of course,” Cosette said, smiling at them. “We’ll see you both later.”

Grantaire popped the Reese’s cup he had grabbed into his mouth as they walked away from Marius and Cosette’s house. “She and Jehan both said they would see us later,” he said through a mouth full of peanut butter. “What exactly do you have planned for later?”

“Other than teaching you not to talk with your mouth full?” Enjolras asked mildly. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. There’s only so many holidays left.”

Grantaire nodded slowly. “So dinner will be Thanksgiving,” he guessed. “I’m thinking those really good turkey pot pies at that place we love?”

Enjolras shrugged. “It’s as close to Thanksgiving dinner as I could find this time of year.”

“And after that is Christmas – I mean, Winter Solstice.” Grantaire tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Judging by how many of our friends you’ve roped into this, I’m guessing you convinced them to drag out their Christmas decorations for one night and one night only, and we’re going to go around and look at them, also known as our favorite Christmas tradition because we are officially old people.” Enjolras laughed and kissed the top of Grantaire’s head. “True enough,” he said fondly.

“Which leaves one last holiday to end the night with,” Grantaire said, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Are we feeling more like NSYNC’s ‘Kiss Me at Midnight’, or ‘Auld Lang Syne’?”

Enjolras kissed him again. “As you are so fond of saying,” he told Grantaire, “why not both?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Rather than either song, they were both greeted with cheers and party horns when they finally emerged onto the roof of Combeferre’s apartment building, where their friends had assembled for a makeshift New Year’s Eve party, complete with twinkling lights, plenty of champagne and a pair of truly hideous 2022 sunglasses that Courfeyrac had somehow found. 

“So what do you think?” Enjolras asked, grinning.

Grantaire just shook his head as he smiled. “I think it’s incredible,” he said honestly. “And I think I am in desperate need for some champagne.”

Enjolras waited for him to drain his first flute before holding his hand out. “Care to dance?” he asked as the song changed to ‘Happy New Year, Old Friend’.

Grantaire rolled his eyes. “This is cheesy, even for you,” he informed Enjolras.

“Is that a no?”

“Did I say that?”

They moved to the center of the party which had been dubbed the defacto dancefloor, and Grantaire wrapped his arms around Enjolras’s waist, pulling him close before tilting his head up to kiss him as they started dancing slowly together. But after a long moment, Grantaire glanced up at him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Grantaire hesitated. “What was all this about today?”

Enjolras frowned. “Other than the fact that I wanted to show you how much I love you?”

“Yeah, other than that,” Grantaire said. ”Not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, of course, or the many, many, many gestures really, but. It seemed like there was some other reason for this.”

It was Enjolras’s turn to hesitate. “Well, I was trying to uphold my promise.”

“What promise?” Grantaire asked.

“When I had to go out of town for work over various holidays this past year.” Grantaire just looked at him blankly and Enjolras added, “You know, when I promised that I would make it up to you. On Valentine’s Day.”

Recognition dawned on Grantaire’s face. “Oh, that,” he said, laughing. “I forgot about that.”

Enjolras blinked. “Are you kidding me?”

Grantaire raised an eyebrow. “Am I in trouble if I say no?” he asked. Enjolras just shook his head, and they danced together in silence for a long moment before Grantaire frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Enjolras said reflexively, and when Grantaire just gave him a look, he sighed. “I just can’t help but feel like you didn’t remember me making that promise because you didn’t think that I would follow through.”

“Well I certainly didn’t think you would follow through like this,” Grantaire said, aiming for a joke, and when Enjolras didn’t smile, he sighed and stopped dancing. “Enjolras, we’ve been together for a long time now, and my expectations have never been this high for any holiday, so you can’t blame me for not anticipating this.”

“I know, but—”

“No, no ‘buts’,” Grantaire said, a little sharply. “When you said you would make it up to me, I forgot about it because you never have to make anything up to me.” Enjolras shook his head but Grantaire didn’t let him interrupt. “I know that your work is important and you don’t have full control over your schedule, and that sometimes means missing things.” He paused before adding, “And you know that I know that. So your promise wasn’t about me. It was about you, and you feeling guilty or like you needed to do something for me.”

That stung, but Enjolras couldn’t deny that there was at least a crumb of truth in it. “I guess I did,” he admitted, “because missing out on holidays isn’t fair to you. Even the dumb ones like Halloween.”

Grantaire barked a dry laugh. “What, you think I had a bad Halloween because you were working? I had a bad Halloween because I’m 32 years old and half of our friends are settling down and starting families and no one wanted to day drink with me on a Sunday. And had you been here, you also wouldn’t have wanted to day drink with me on a Sunday.”

Enjolras laughed lightly. “Well, that is true.”

Grantaire took both his hands in his and squeezed them. “The only thing I ever miss out on is time with you, and you make that up to me tenfold all the times when you are home.”

Enjolras nodded slowly. “So what you’re trying to say is that all of this was entirely unnecessary,” he said, his voice heavy.

“Very appreciated, of course,” Grantaire assured him. “And a really fun day. But yeah, not necessary, and I needed you to know that.”

“And I understand that now,” Enjolras said. “Though I do wish you had said something a little sooner.”

Grantaire frowned. “What do you mean—”

The question was barely out of his mouth when the song changed to NSYNC’s ‘Kiss Me at Midnight’ and as one, all of their friends started the countdown. “10, 9, 8, 7—” Enjolras pulled Grantaire to him. “6, 5, 4, 3—” Grantaire laughed breathlessly as Enjolras cupped his cheek. “2, 1 – Happy New Year!”

Enjolras closed the space between them, kissing Grantaire as if it was just the two of them, which for both of them, wrapped in that moment and each other, it might as well have been. They were so caught up in each other that Grantaire almost missed the fireworks that went off from a neighboring rooftops, accompanied by the whoops of Gavroche, assumed pyrotechnic.

“Did you get a permit for that?” Grantaire asked mildly, leaning his head against Enjolras’s chest.

“Fuck no,” Enjolras said.

Grantaire grinned. “That’s my man.”

Combeferre cleared his throat. “As much as we all enjoy fucking the government, that is a good reminder that this gathering is technically illegal and knowing my neighborhood, someone’s already called the cops about the fireworks, so—”

As if on cue, they heard a distant police siren, and Bahorel used two fingers to whistle loudly. “Time to get the fuck out of here, folks,” he shouted. “Disperse!”

Enjolras laughed as they all moved quickly to the exit. “Just like the good ol’ days, huh?” he asked Grantaire, who rolled his eyes.

“You and I have very different memories from the good ol’ days,” he said.

Still, some things are hard to forget, and running from the police without looking like you’re running from the police was one of those things. They were several blocks away when both decided they safe and almost collapsed as they both laughed. “Hell of an end to the night,” Grantaire said, wiping tears from his eyes. 

“What can I say, I aim to please.”

They walked slower now, arms brushing against each other, and Grantaire glanced over at Enjolras with a smile. “Oh,” he said, deliberately casual, “there is one other thing you can do to make our missed moments up to me.”

Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you said—”

“And I meant it,” Grantaire assured him. “But I don’t think you’ll protest at this one.”

Enjolras sighed. “Do I want to know?” Grantaire grinned wickedly and leaned in to whisper something in Enjolras’s ear. A slow grin crept across Enjolras’s face. “Well,” he said. “That I think we can definitely do.”

“Then let’s get home.”

“Yeah,” Enjolras said, taking Grantaire’s hand. “Let’s go home.”

“And Enjolras?” Enjolras glanced at him and Grantaire smiled. “Happy Valentine’s Day for real.”

Enjolras leaned in and kissed him. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Grantaire.”