#would love to tell my 2011 high school senior self that in 11 years
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
lady-harrowhark · 2 years ago
Text
my spotify top five had an 80% hit rate for songs from my locked tomb playlist lmao
no one dies from love by tove lo (”no one dies from love... guess i’ll be the first!” - gideon nav directly before getting railed)
LUCID by rina sawayama (the sole top five outlier, an immaculate bop but i will concede that, being from the heartstopper soundtrack, it is still on theme in being from a media-related playlist)
hallucinations by PVRIS (do i even have to say it? this song IS htn)
heart2 by umru & petal supply ft rebecca black (that slippery discordant synth-y stuff at the beginning just SOUNDS like panicking whilst dropping into the river. also lyrics could apply to any number of unwholesome htn character configurations)
play destroy by poppy ft grimes (THE alecto mood)
4 notes · View notes
nerdygaymormon · 6 years ago
Text
Laurie Lee Hall
Laurie Lee Hall is a trans woman. She was born & raised in New England. She remembers identifying internally as a woman from a very young age. She was an artisitic, sensitive teenager and faced the usual round of taunts, slurs and bullying. She would go home at night and put on girl clothes. “I was desperate to become the young woman my body was telling me I would never be.” She was both ashamed and terrified that someone might discover her secret.
After high school she attended Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI) in upstate New York where she trained to be an architect and construction manager. While a freshman at RPI, a classmate gave her a copy of the Book of Mormon. She read the book and experienced a spiritual witness. Laurie Lee converted and immersed herself in her new church, hoping it’d help her “put that gender thing away.” She even served a mission to Argentina.
After the mission, Laurie Lee went back to school and met her wife, and in 1985 they were married in the Washington D.C. temple.  They soon had 4 children.
Hall kept her identity struggles secret from her spouse. Marriage and family did not cure her feminine feelings, as she hoped. “Living with another woman made it harder for me. She was living the life I wanted to live, doing what I wanted to do – while I had the challenge of living as a male for her.”
In 1996 the stress of living a lie and led her to being deeply depressed and suicidal and unable to function. She quit her job as an architect in Albany, New York. Realizing that “my wife and God loved me – that was enough to realize there was hope,” and she started seeing a therapist, although didn’t reveal the underlying cause of her distress.
The family moved to Utah in 1996 and she began working for the LDS Church. She worked at church headquarters for 20 years until her retirement. For 15 of those years, she was the Chief Architect for the church and as Director of Design and/or Construction for around 40 Temples. During that time she also served as a bishop and then as a stake president in Tooele, Utah. The religious responsibilities, the demanding workload and family obligations (which included adopting a daughter from Ukraine) helped keep her feelings tamped down. Yet, she felt herself evolving as she got more in touch with her feminine side.
In 2010, Laurie Lee was hospitalized for 11 days. While there, she reflected on her personal and professional life. She left the hospital determined to “get in contact with my core self, which included allowing the gender issue to come out of the box.” She had a lot of questions and in the course of exploring them, she learned the words “gender dysphoria” which described what she’d felt since childhood.
In November 2011 she prayed. She didn’t ask if she is a woman, rather she prayed for the first time as a woman and God answered her. Having spiritual confirmation of her truth, now she had to talk with her wife about it. For the first time she revealed all the inner conflicts, suicidal thoughts, not feeling brave enough to share. Together they told their children, all but one accepted their dad as a woman.
It was time to be authentic or die. She let her hair grown, started adding feminine touches to her clothing and started hormone-replacement therapy. She says that the hormones awoke a core level awakening in her body and heart.
In 2012, upon her church leaders learned of her gender-identity, she was quietly released as stake president after serving for 8 years. Four years after being released she came out to her new bishop. Together they developed a plan to tell the ward. In July 2016, on Fast Sunday, the bishop spoke to the congregation about support and affirmation for those who are different, including transgender believers. Next up to the podium was Laurie Lee, dressed as a man, who shared her story and asked for compassion and understanding.  
She continued to attend church each Sunday as a woman with her wife and youngest daughter (now a teenager). “It was a great joy to live authentically, reaching out to others who might be on the fringe as well.”
In September 2016 she retired as a church architect and established a professional coaching & business development consulting practice. She also founded the Families and Gender Variance Project which has the purpose of strengthening love, empathy and communication between gender variant persons and their families.
It didn’t take long before her stake president said she had to either return to living as a man or resign her membership. It seemed like an impossible choice. Giving up her female identity would cause tremendous damage to her physical and mental health. “And it was not in my heart to resign my membership.” So in June 2017 she was excommunicated. A few days later she joined her former colleagues in Provo for a tour of the newly-expanded Missionary Training Center, her final project for the church. She was introduced as one of the chief architects as she stood there in a dress with these LDS designers, officials, leaders and missionaries.
The Church’s handbook speaks of disciplinary actions to be taken for someone who gets “sex-reassignment surgery” (in 2018 it was changed to say “transgender surgery”). However Laurie Lee did not have such surgery. She believes that because she’d served in prominent and visible positions as bishop and stake president that they excommunicated her to register their disapproval of her behavior.
Laurie Lee served on the Board of Directors for Affirmation, which is an organization is an international organization for individuals who identify as gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, queer, intersex, or same-sex attracted, and their family members, friends, and church leaders who are members or former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day.  In August 2018 Laurie Lee Hall was appointed as Vice President of Affirmation to fill a position that had been open for nearly 2 months and will serve the remainder of the year. Following an election of the Affirmation membership, Hall will serve as Senior Vice President for a two-year period, beginning in January.
Laurie Lee Hall uses her experience to help transgender youth and adults to navigate the challenges and triumphs of living authentically. She has blogged and written extensively on the subjects of gender variance and marriage and the intersection of gender and faith traditions. She is the parent of five children and 12 grandchildren.
Tumblr media
43 notes · View notes
brianna-lei · 7 years ago
Text
Butterfly Soup Asks #16
This time including the squad as DnD characters, Liz facts, Noelle getting her yaoi education, and more
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I’ve only played Dungeons & Dragons once (1) in my life so I’m no expert! I’d consider my thoughts suggestions (like with my takes on the charaters’ MBTI types, which I’m not an expert of either): 
Noelle as a Wizard sounds right, since she definitely can’t do anything reliant on physical strength. She would be an asshole and attempt things like building a Clone Army
AKARSHA THE BARD. Rogue sounds too cool for her
Diya: I actually want to say she’s a Ranger because the Wiki on 5th edition says “The Beast Master archetype forges a connection between civilization and beasts, allowing the character to interact with animals in certain ways including gaining an animal companion to control.“ Fighter and Knight also sound plausible though! 
Min: Barbarian with high Strength and no Intelligence and Wisdom
Tumblr media
I don’t want to say too much because I want to save things for the sequel, but here’s some stuff:
She actually played against Diya in youth leagues before she transitioned. That’s why she recognizes Diya+specifically approached her to sign the baseball club form while Diya doesn’t recognize her. At the first club meeting Liz tells her “I was at one of your games when you were little” -- This is purposefully ambiguous/misleading (sounds like Liz was just watching) because she passes and doesn’t want to out herself to a bunch of club members she doesn’t know well
After transitioning she quit baseball and switched to softball. It was weird being the one trans girl on a team of cis dudes, and additionally when she was younger she sort of felt like she had to prove she was a girl; she naturally has feminine taste, but she’d overperform it by 25%. It wasn’t until she got close to Chryssa and found out she also liked baseball that she reclaimed her interest in it
She has a nice resting face so strangers tend to ask her for directions 
Sunburns easily
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Yesss check the FAQ guys! Fangames are fine as long as you explicitly say it’s a fangame!! 
Tumblr media
I’m almost mad I didn’t think of this myself. I’m one of those people who overuses “spoopy” 
Tumblr media
All art in the game (including the title screen) can be downloaded here!
Tumblr media
NO!!! 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Noelle. The day the others find out will be the End of her
Tumblr media
Akarsha was reading some yaoi so it came up in conversation, and since Noelle had never heard of it Akarsha gleefully educated her (to Noelle’s horror). Noelle was extremely scandalized that Akarsha kept sending her inappropriate images, and Akarsha was like “i’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart! it’s for ur education!! me: Master Teacher. call me sensei”  
Following this Akarsha changed her chat name to YAOI SEME as seen at the beginning of the game 
Tumblr media
Diya and Noelle: Never tried it
Min: Has tried it 
Akarsha: She constantly makes weed jokes but actually only does it rarely 
Tumblr media
Yes, I’m planning on exploring this more in the sequel! 
Tumblr media
Diya; Dee-ya. Rhymes with “See ya”
Min-seo: Korean way, but most characters like Diya pronounce it like Min-so, with the “Min” rhyming with “win” (not like “mean”). The “so” is one syllable (not like “see oh”)  
Akarsha: uh-KAR-sha
Noelle: No L 
Tumblr media
I was planning on making the sprites blink! I’m still a bit sad I didn’t end up doing it
Tumblr media
It’s supposed to be fall 2008 when they’re in high school, but I took a LOT of artistic liberties when it came to the references. For example, Akarsha makes a Durarara reference even though the anime didn’t come out until 2010, and there’s a lot of modern memes that ended up in there too...I couldn’t hold back...
The IGF trailer video is especially modern-day meme-wise -- since it broke the 4th wall, it was like, all bets are off. Don’t think too hard about it!
Tumblr media
I wanted to put a lot of 90s and early 00s hits in the game for the nostalgia factor, like Complicated, Rock Your Body, Dilemma, etc. I think it would’ve made the experience even more surreal for players who are around my age!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I don’t own the rights to all the music so I can’t distribute it around for people to download! Here’s where you can find everything:
Thought Projection by Ketsa
Holding Your Breath by Ketsa
Thoughts of You by Ketsa
2011-13 by Ketsa
Miyauchi Yuri/110515 (miltata remix) by Miltata
Night Tourist by Miltata
Sound413_Images(short) by Miltata
Sound429_Floating Cloud (draft) by Miltata
Side by Side by Miltata
Blooming by Miltata
Romaras by Miltata
Little Circle by Miltata
Daydream by Miltata
Calling Project 2 by .que
Flame of Love by YOSHI
Valar Morghulis by Bloodgod
Overflowing by Tatsuya Kato
My Heart Will Go On - Recorder By Candlelight by Matt Mulholland
Tumblr media
At one point Diya finds out what it means on her own. After she finds out, she uses it for the actual meaning :) (added this to the FAQ now) 
Tumblr media
I can totally relate to all of them, but I’d say Diya! (added this to the FAQ now) 
Tumblr media
that sounds a bit alarming
Tumblr media
(I added this to the FAQ page now, thanks for reminding me)  I’m fine with people shipping whatever!! The only thing I can think of that’d make me uncomfortable is incest and shipping Diya and Min with male characters – other than that, go nuts
Tumblr media
Oh noo im sorry, that must’ve been stressful! For those who don’t know, I chatted about my game for a few minutes last week with MEGA (a USC club I used to be in!). I’ve adapted them here with what I assume what the questions were: 
1. Is that your cat on your Skype icon? 
yeah it is!! it's burrito 
(people think it’s a cute name) 
LOL glad you guys approve
2. Was the game made in Renpy? What do you think of Renpy vs. Twine? 
yep! it's made in renpy! I actually started out in twine -- twine is impossible if your game is like longer than an hour and is image heavy. the engine started lagging so bad it would take 30 secs to do anything
2. Would you eat a tiny 2 inch man for $100 million?
LOL it's hard..it's a lot of money. I don't think I would
(but you could use that money to save many more lives! utilitarianism) 
it's a real dude tho! i'd feel awful for him haha it's hard when you have to physically do it LOL
3. How long did it take for you to make Butterfly Soup? 
FOREVER. I thought of it in my junior year over winter break
4. Was it for school (like an assignment)? 
nah! just on my own
(people saying that’s impressive) 
yeah!! self motivation
5. What’s your favorite part of the game? 
hmmmmM I like the "date" with min in the dream. it's so fun, with the dog park
6. Which character do you relate to the most? 
diya!! social anxiety queen, so relatable
(people comment on how she runs around when anxious) 
i really did that before my sat once, ran 2 miles at the school's track
7. Are you from the San Francisco Bay Area
yeah i'm from the bay! east bay
8. Which year did you first come up with Butterfly Soup? 
winter 2014 i think
(people trying to calculate which year was my junior year) 
i graduated a year early so junior year was also senior year
9. Are you making a sequel? 
yes!! once ihave more time. i have a lot of ideas for stuff that goes after
10. Was this a prequel to Pom Gets Wi-Fi? Or maybe spiritual successor?
this is a prequel. i dunno about spiritual successor tho, they're a bit differnt
11. Any tips on how to balance schoolwork and working on personal projects? 
hmm...i honestly sucked at this and could only work on it on breaks lol...if you can try to work it into your school projects, like some bit of it...
other than that i cant think of anything LOL it's hard
12. How did you organize yourself making such a long game? Any tips? 
it was SUPER hard to organize, i was really lost until i split it into 4 sections with each character. so if you're planning on making a game this big definitely think about forcing yourself into sections like that
the art was the most confusing to do bc of how many assets there were. i was going to say "have consistent naming conventions" but that's literally impossible LOL it'll always become inconsistent no matter how hard u try
13. What part of the game took the longest (writing? art?) 
writing, actually, despite how much i complain about art assets. it's really hard making sure the structure and themes come across correctly. like pacing is so hard. art is like #2 biggest time sink
14. How early in did you write the Akarsha/Min skateboard scene?
that came pretty late haha i put it in at last second
15. Are the characters based on real people? 
they're all inspired by combinations of ppl i know! i wouldn't say based on them, tho. for example min is like a combination of 3 friends i have, strategically arranged to play her part in the story
character design is design so u still gotta be deliberate about it
16. Who’s the other cat on the computer? (they’re referring to the cat on my desktop wallpaper) 
that one's maru! he's a famous japaense cat. he's super photogenic
(people speculating that he’s the “tube one”) 
the tube one? probably. he's famous for going into stuff
17. What was your favorite aspect of working on the game? 
definitely getting to put specific Asian-American experiences into it
i was like HAHOH i can do this and no one can stop me! it was really fun getting to do this without any creative direction from like, a studio or anything. so i could just go bonkers. i hate pitching stuff so
18. Any writing advice? 
definitely have other people beta your writing as soon as possible! they always catch stuff you missed. also this is like a cheat, make your characters really extreme. like find one aspect of yourself, and turn it up to 11 and make it into a character. that way they'll be relatable and memorable at the same time. i think most people don't make their characters extreme enough so they're all kinda samey
19. (I can’t remember what they asked me here, sorry! They were asking if a specific meme was in the game)
LMAO nah it's not. i did briefly think about it though, i will admit
20. Would you eat a Gusher the size of your hand? 
that would be pretty cool. i don't think i could eat it all at once tho...i would try to save it. like half
Tumblr media
You’re welcome, I’m really happy to hear it helped the game feel relatable!!  
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Thank you! I hope you have a good day too!!
Tumblr media
haha I feel like my game is almost propaganda bc so many people wish they had girlfriends after playing it! the agenda...Thank you for waiting for the sequel, it makes me super happy to hear people are looking forward to it! 
Tumblr media
You’re welcome!! I’ll do my best!!! 
Tumblr media
You’re welcome!!!! :>
Tumblr media
You’re welcome!!! 
Tumblr media
same I’m really happy so many people find them relatable! you’re welcome!! 
Tumblr media
You’re welcome!! my kids can never get enough love im very happy 
Tumblr media
I’m glad you liked it! Thanks for the support! TT_TT
255 notes · View notes
samuelfields · 5 years ago
Text
If I Could Retire All Over Again These Are The Things I’d Do Differently
Tumblr media
I can’t believe I’ve been writing about early retirement since 2009. The first three years of Financial Samurai was me mainly trying to figure out how to retire early. The subsequent years has been me touching upon various aspects of post-retirement life.
For the most part, early retirement has been everything I hoped for. Freedom is priceless. But I’ve also highlighted a lot of negatives that I could not have expected until living as an early retiree for several years.
We can pontificate all we want about what it’s like to do something or be in a particular scenario. But until you experience it for yourself, there’s no amount of planning that can prepare you for some of life’s big moments.
Now that I’m deep into early retirement, I’d like to share what I’d do differently if I could rewind time and go back to when I first left work in 2012.
Things I’d Change If I Could Do My Retirement Differently
1) Work at least one more year. In 2013, I wrote about the trap of the one more year syndrome where people can’t leave their jobs due to the money and security it provides. It’s always one more year to see if you can get a promotion or one more bonus to feel more secure financially that locks people in.
I left work at 34 years old. Now that I’m almost 42 years old, I look back and think how absurdly young that was to retire. Leaving a good job at that age now seems irresponsible and reckless.
I left because I was sick of office politics, bored with my job, and wanted to do something new. These reasons all sound like I was an entitled, impatient brat. Suck it up already, I may have told my younger self. But in my defense, I had already been with my firm for 11 consecutive years.
Working for one more year would have given me more time to prepare for my post-work future.
I would have lived like a pauper my final year and saved another $100,000+ for retirement. On my firm’s dime, I would have gone on more international business trips, taken out for lunch or drinks all my colleagues, competitors, and clients I had gotten to know over my 13 years in the business, and generally savor my final year at work.
Instead, I now feel like I rushed my departure. I only came up with the concept of negotiating a severance in November 2011, five months before I ultimately did. Therefore, I made some mistakes like taking a week of vacation the year I left. This action ultimately resulted in me receiving a week’s worth of pay less in my severance.
If I had stayed at least one more year, I would have aggressively tried to find a new role within the firm in a different office. It was always a dream of mine to work overseas since I grew up overseas for 13 years.
If I had been able to find a new job within the firm in Hong Kong, Taiwan, Beijing, or London, I think my interest in work would have been rejuvenated and I could have worked for at least another three years.
If you already know a year from now you’re going to negotiate a severance, your work life could become much less stressful and much more interesting. Think back to when you were a senior in high school when you already knew where you were going to college or work. By leaving so quickly, I failed to uncover more opportunities.
Today, I encourage folks to try and gut it out until age 40 or for at least one more year once you’ve decided to engineer your layoff. If you’re burning out, take a sabbatical or an extended vacation more often to recharge. Not only will your finances be stronger, but you’ll also be able to eliminate more completely any potential work regret and maximize your chances of never returning.
Related: The Ideal Age To Retire To Minimize Regret And Maximize Happiness
2) I would have tried to have children while working. One of my regrets was waiting until 37, or three years after I left work, to try having children. My wife was 34 at the time and had just negotiated her severance.
We waited so long mainly because I was overly focused on my career. I didn’t think I was mentally ready to be a dad without first having an enormous financial buffer. Logically, I felt that having children would delay my permanent escape from work.
Friends kept telling me that once their children were born, they felt they had to work until they graduated college. Working for another 21-23 more years sounded like a prison sentence! Therefore, I decided to avoid prison altogether and selfishly focus on me.
But there’s no escaping biology. The chances of conceiving declines every year one waits. For the average couple, it takes about 7-8 months to get pregnant. Staying pregnant is another challenge. A prayer to all the unborn children who never made it. For us, it took almost three years to have our son.
I would have preferred to be a first-time dad in my early 30s than at 39 years old. Yes, I wouldn’t have been able to spend as much time with him as I do now since I’d be thick into work. But being able to spend a greater percentage of my overall life with him would be priceless.
Having our son while I was still working would have likely made me better appreciate work and all its benefits more. My wife could have taken three months of paid maternity leave. I could have also taken one month of paid paternity leave spread throughout the first three months of our son’s life. When you’re working to take care of the person you love most, you can’t help but cherish your job more.
If your finances are not bulletproof, having a kid when both you and your partner don’t have jobs will likely make you feel extremely stressed. Going from a dual income to single income is also very stressful. I definitely felt more financial pressure after our son was born in 2017, regardless of our retirement income.
Although work is a luxurious safety net for parents, I’m sure I would have eventually started resenting work for keeping me away from our son. Therefore, if I negotiated a severance at least a year after my son was born, I think I would appreciate my early retirement even more.
In retrospect, I would have ideally liked to have my first at age 33, have another little one by age 36, and like my job enough to retire at age 40 after 19 years with my firm. A severance package after 19 years would have been so sweet!
Related: The Ideal Age To Have Children Based On Wealth And Biology
3) I would have worked on my side hustles sooner and more aggressively. The key to maintaining a steady state of happiness is being able to consistently forecast your potential misery and taking steps beforehand to counteract that misery. Ideally, we can all consistently plan 3-5 years ahead. But it’s not a natural act.
I didn’t start seriously forecasting my misery until 2008 after the financial crisis hit. Before then, I was just a super motivated guy who wanted to climb a never-ending corporate ladder for bigger titles and more money. Until then, the correlation between effort and reward had been strong.
After the stock market started melting down, I realized that no matter how well I performed, I was no longer going to get paid and ascend at the rate I was used to. Instead, I would stall out in my career and actually get paid less the more I did because the industry was in a structural decline.
The good times up until 2008 had made me too lazy to start Financial Samurai until 2009. If I had started Financial Samurai in 2006 when I first came up with the idea, perhaps I would have felt much more settled than I did when I left work in 2012.
Tumblr media
With more financial certainty, more confidence, and a clearer purpose, I may have had the guts to try having children three years sooner as well. But the desire for money and the necessity to live in an expensive city for this money got me.
Some of you might think I’m being too hard on myself for not foreseeing the recession and starting to work on my side hustle sooner. But ever since I started in the finance industry in 1999, I’ve always felt my years were numbered because of the accompanying long hours and great stress.
Today, Financial Samurai is an established site. But goodness knows how much work and luck it took to get here. Without some lucky breaks, Financial Samurai could have easily died.
Related: 10 Reasons Why You Need To Start An Online Business Today
4) I should have bought more real estate in 2012. Because I was so focused on engineering my layoff in 2012, the last thing on my mind was leveraging up to buy more property. In fact, I tried to sell my primary residence in 2012 but couldn’t because the market was so soft.
If I planned on working until 40 years old, I would have had greater financial confidence to buy at the bottom of the existing cycle. A $900K rental property I would have bought in 2012 would be worth roughly $1.6 million today.
The failure to buy in 2012 was partially offset with a property home purchase in 2014 and continued contributions to my tax-advantageous retirement accounts. But boy could I have supercharged our net worth if I not only bought more investments back then but also worked five more years through a breathtaking bull market!
Tumblr media
5) I didn’t fully capitalize on my position as an early retiree. Although I’ve been writing about early retirement since 2009, Financial Samurai is often left out of the mainstream FIRE conversation because I write about so many topics in addition to early retirement.
I’m more focused on wealth maximization through equity investing, entrepreneurship, career strategies, and real estate. Over the past couple of years, I’ve discovered new joy talking about family finances and estate planning.
Once I retired early, I felt like there was no need to talk incessantly about early retirement. Instead, I just got on with my life because my goal of financial independence had been met.
Further, I didn’t want to rub it in people’s faces that I was done with work. Offline, after a year of telling folks who asked what I did that I was retired, I started changing my response to I’m a writer or a tennis coach to feel more comfortable.
But if I had had the foresight and the chutzpah, I would have written more about early retirement life to better brand this site and boost its traffic. I should have been more proactively self-promoting, but I didn’t because it felt unseemly.
I also naively believed more people would give Financial Samurai more credit for being one of the pioneers of the modern-day FIRE movement. But just like at work, those who self-promote the loudest, tend to get the most attention. While those who stay silent and believe their good work will get them recognized usually get left behind.
Despite half the U.S. population living on the coasts, I don’t know many if any early retirement bloggers or people living off investment income in areas like San Francisco, LA, Boston or NYC. As a result, I sometimes feel like I’m on an island. It’s more fun to have a tribe.
As a father now with rising costs to cover and a spouse who is an amazing full-time mom, I need to focus more on monetizing this site going forward. I’ve been way too lackadaisical about generating revenue due to our sufficient retirement income and my desire to only write about things that interest me.
All told, I’m sure I’ve left at least $1 million on the table by being so carefree with this site. It’s time to be more selfish for my family.
Live In The Present, Plan For The Future
Why is it that when we’re younger, we always seem to feel like we’re in a rush to get things done? We’ve got to retire as early as possible, or else! Maybe it’s because we lack patience and feel that we might all die an early death. I certainly felt like retiring early was a hedge against an untimely demise.
As I look forward, one of the main things I can do to mitigate my retirement mistakes is to live as long and as healthy a life as possible. If I can find some way to extend my life by five years, then everything will have worked out. Too bad I’ll never know for sure whether I made a difference in my longevity.
On the positive side, maybe leaving work six years earlier than ideal helped extend my life after all. When I was 33, I started sprouting grey hairs. My hairline was also receding. But by age 36, all my grey hairs went away and my forehead stopped growing bigger probably because my stress level went way down.
The older you get, the more you will feel the race against time. The good thing is that money and status gradually fade away in your personal hierarchy of importance. Desiring to spend more time with family and enjoying more free time is a natural part of life.
If you’re looking to retire early, please ask yourself the following questions:
1) Why am I rushing to retire early? Am I running away from something?
2) What will I do after I retire early? Am I running towards something?
3) How will retiring early change my life for better or worse?
4) Am I sacrificing too much to retire early?
5) Have I gained enough perspective from those who’ve already retired?
When it comes to retiring, there are no perfect answers nor is there perfect timing. You can only do your best with the information you know at the time. It’s only after several years of living an early retirement lifestyle that you will know what you could have done differently to make it an even better one.
Stay optimistic. Live in the present. And consistently spend time planning for the future. Chances are high you’ll live to see another great day.
Related: What Does Early Retirement Feel Like? The Pros And Cons Of Not Having To Work For A Living
Any other early retirees wish they did their retirement a little differently? If so, what would you change? A lot of people have told me they wished they didn’t quit their job, but negotiated a severance instead.
https://www.financialsamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/If-I-could-retire-all-over-again-these-are-the-things-I’d-do-differently.m4a
The post If I Could Retire All Over Again These Are The Things I’d Do Differently appeared first on Financial Samurai.
from Finance https://www.financialsamurai.com/if-i-could-retire-all-over-again-these-are-the-things-id-do-differently/ via http://www.rssmix.com/
0 notes
discoverngr · 6 years ago
Text
How to become rich with Cryptocurrency investment?
“Every informed person needs to know about Bitcoin because it might be one of the world’s most important developments.” — Leon Luow
“If you guys want proof Bitcoin is real, send them to me, I’ll cash them out and feed homeless people.” — Jason King
People are interested is it possible to become really rich with bitcoin? It is a reasonable question since Bitcoin or the cryptocurrency industry is not mostly known to people around the world. So let’s answer the question!
It is safe to say — yes! BUT if you know how to play by the rules. Bitcoin is not an easy thing, you really have to invest time and efforts, and tons of time will pass until you get it and understand how it works. But it is definitely worth of your time and trying!
Let me tell you a story…
The youngest!
Eddy Zillan got a nice present on his bar mitzvah (at age 13) in 2012 from his parents — $5,000 and he started buying cryptocurrencies. Total Eddy’s $12,000 investment is now worth over $500,000, he gained 4,100% in a few years.
Now Eddy is a high school senior in Orange, Ohio. He plans to study dentistry, but if that doesn’t work out, he has a Plan B, since he just launched a company that provides tutorials and insights on cryptocurrencies.
When he was 12, Erik Finman made a bet with his parents — if he becomes a millionaire before turning 18, they won’t force him to go to college. Today, at the age of 18, he owns 403 bitcoins! He also has investments in Ethereum and Litecoin. Officially Erik left school and manages his and his family’s bitcoin investments, lives in Silicon Valley and keeps himself busy with all kinds of projects that have no connection to school.
Jeremy Gardner is another self-made millionaire that made a fortune in bitcoin — now he travels the world, partying and plotting the future of money. “By dedicating my life to crypto assets and blockchain technology, I’ve made more money than I would have ever expected to make in my entire life”, he said to Business Insider. He bought his first coins in 2013 by friend’s advice. Soon after that he threw all of his savings and stock holdings into crypto investment and became a true bitcoin evangelist. In 2013, Jeremy launched a blockchain-based market forecasting tool called Augur that raised $5.3 million in an ICO in 2015. In 2014, he founded the Blockchain Education Network, a network of cryptocurrency clubs at universities around the world. He lives in house called the Crypto Castle with other 7 people. Nearby is a building residents call the Crypto Crackhouse. It has long hallways called Bitcoin Boulevard and Ethereum Alley.
And finally the TOP 7 People Getting Very Rich Because of Bitcoin!
7. Yifu Guo — $5 million
“It’s not about how much bitcoin is worth. The exchange rate is irrelevant. It’s about the concept.”
NYU student Yifu Guo was mining Bitcoins to earn some extra cash. Eventually Guo began to understand the potential and future of Bitcoin’s blockchain. Later he dropped out of school and in 2012 founded the first application specific integrated circuit (ASIC) miner manufacturing company for Bitcoin named Avalon — the first Bitcoin mining company. The miners produced by Avalon got so popular that they were being sold as soon as they were released at a much higher price. The ASIC chips were almost 50 times faster than graphics card and they cost much less. People were prepared to pay higher prices for the ASIC miners. In ebay a single $1,500 miner was sold for as much as $20,000.
Soon Guo left Avalon, and many companies started to build and sell mining rigs, but he was the first one to do it and was the first one to become a millionaire by building these miners.
6. Winklevoss Twins — $11 Million
“We have elected to put our money and faith in a mathematical framework that is free of politics and human error.” — Tyler Winklevoss
These twin brothers are early adopters of Bitcoin and have earned $11 million with it. In 2013, they invested a huge amount in BitInstant Bitcoin and they claimed to hold 1% of the total existing bitcoins this year. After this, they founded the Winkdex, a company that tracks the average price of Bitcoin. In 2015, the twin brothers opened their first Bitcoin exchange in Gemini. Their net worth is over USD 400 million.
5. Tony Gallippi — $20 Million
“Bitcoin is Money Over Internet Protocol.”
Tony Gallippi is founder of the company Bitpay. It was the first company that created a Bitcoin payment processor and the first company to have agreements with major retailers. These days, it processes $1 million worth of payments each day.
4. Jered Kenna — $30 Million
“If we remember, 15 years ago if you were doing anything on the Internet you were going to make millions. I think it could be the same with bitcoin.”
Jered Kenna started to invest in Bitcoin when its value was only 20 cents. Later he traded them for $258 each. This was just one of his multiple batches. He launched several ventures: Tradehill was his first company — an anonymous Bitcoindark mining pool. He is owner of craft brewery in Colombia and 20 mission collaborative workspaces for entrepreneurs in San Francisco.
3. Dave Carlson — $35 Million
“I consider it absolutely high-risk investment. And like high-risk investment should be, it has been high reward. I’m talking about tens of millions of dollars of return on a few million dollars of investment.”(about mining)
Beginning in 1999 Dave has played a primary role in several multimillion dollar startups and personal ventures. Dave Carlson is a software engineer and 10 year veteran startup entrepeneur. In 2010, Dave discovered bitcoin and he’s been innovating in the space ever since. His experience in starting new businesses and his love of technology were a perfect match for the new world of bitcoin mining. Dave Carlson founded the MegaBigPower mining company right from his house basement. He reported that he was making $8 million per month in 2016.
2. Charlie Shrem — $45 Million
“Bitcoin is Cash with Wings”
Charlie Shrem was a senior at Brooklyn College in the year 2011 when he first know about Bitcoin. He started to acquire Bitcoins in the early stages at a very low price. He bought 500 coins at $3. When the price rose $20 he bought thousands more. Charlie Shrem founded a company named Bit Instant which allowed users to buy Bitcoins from over 700,000 stores including Duane Reade and Walmart. Shrem’s total estimated worth is USD 45 million.
1. Roger Ver — $52 Million
“If you care about liberty, the nonaggression principle, or economic freedom in general you should do everything you can to use Bitcoin as often as possible in your daily life.”
Roger Ver is also known as “Bitcoin Jesus”. He is the wealthiest bitcoin millionaire (not counting Satoshi Nakamoto). He is essentially known for his former ventures most notably the run for California State Assembly in year 2000. When he first learned about Bitcoin he gave up his daily works and started reading about it at a straight and sleeping for just one hour. One week later he was checked in hospital and medicated for proper sleep. He was one of the early investors of Charlie Shrem’s Bit Instant. His biggest investment involving millions of dollars are BitPay, Ripple and Blockchain. These three projects yielded him a giant profit. His estimated net worth is over USD 52 million.
Instead of Conclusions: What Can You Learn From The Cryptocurrency Millionaires?
Yahoo Finance made a survey conducted via SurveyMonkey with 1,011 poll respondents saying they’ve purchased Bitcoin, 71% have made money. So we all have good chances to earn money!
All cryptocurrency millionaires have few common features. They follow their dreams and they own their opinion and positions, despite of other people opinion. They are risky, but they make their moves with DYOR rule. They strongly believe in what they are doing, but know that can lose money even if they made great research before.
So we are strongly recommend you to join Crypto world. Yes, sometimes it is unpredictable and mind-blowing, but it always rewards the one who believes in it!
https://ift.tt/2RgGGh4
0 notes
dangerouscrusadefire-blog · 6 years ago
Text
Rover75 rear hit by a 4x4. Garage says not repairable what do I do? how much will the insurance pay?
"Rover75 rear hit by a 4x4. Garage says not repairable what do I do? how much will the insurance pay?
The 4x4 damaged the rear end of my Rover 75, impossible to shut boot and lights not working. The garage and insurance now say it is not repairable. - but even after the accident, the car was driving perfectly. How much will the insurance company pay? Will they? Is there any way I can get the car fixed?
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
RELATED QUESTIONS: 
Cheap auto insurance?? PLEASE? :(?
My friend she needs car insurance or her car will get repossessed. She's 19 and has only had her license for a year and is being financed a vehicle($200 monthly payments-in 2yrs it'll be payed off). She doesn't have a steady job yet but she's starting college at hcc this fall. She's living with her mom right now. The downfall is that she's already gotten a speeding ticket and hasn't had insurance for 6 or 7months. She needs a non-'name-brand' auto insurance. The cheapest offer so far was $406 a month and she can't afford that. By the way..this is in florida. Can you please inform me of a cheap car insurance place? It doesn't have to be any good..just cheap...thankyou..
""Do traffic schools, particularly in California, prevent an increase in auto insurance rates?
I just received my first traffic ticket :(
Which of these cars are cheap on insurance and also reliable?
1995 Audi A6, 1992 Nissan 240sx, 1995 Acura integra(2 door), 1992 Nissan 300zx, 1996 Bmw 318i, 2001 Lexus IS300, or 1992 Mustang? I'm looking at these kind of cars and was wondering which of these will have a cheap insurance and also a reliable car. Thanks for info.""
Old insurance vs new insurance?
if you start a new insurance policy at a different company on the same day you are suppose to start the old company do you still have to pay them or just let go
Is there an affordable health insurance plan for someone who doesn't make a lot of money?
I'm 23 and I work 2 jobs. I go to school part time. After I pay all my bills I don't have much money left.
Am I obligated to keep homeowners insurance?
I filed a theft claim earlier this year. Now my insurance company is telling me that they will not continue my coverage due to the claim. Im going to other insurance companies and gettting quotes, but they are stating that due to the claim, they will not cover me either. So my question is if my finance company will obligate me to find coverage on my home. (1st time homebuyer)""
""I have three inflatable jumpers, do I need to have liability insurance?""
Well I just bought three jumpers to start my own business, but I'm wondering if I need liability insurance and permit? In the state of California, please help""
What cars are cheap to insure?
What cars are cheap to insure for a 17 year old male living in the City? Like what brand and what specific car? List me a few. Thanks
""Which is the best car insurance in uk, cost wise and service wise.?""
Which is the best car insurance in uk, cost wise and service wise.?""
Affordable health insurance for self employed in Missouri?
Affordable health insurance for self employed in Missouri?
What is the New York disability insurance rate and NYS Unemployment rate?
What is the New York disability insurance rate and NYS Unemployment rate?
Hoe much would my bike insurance cost?
Hi im 18 years old I got my motorcycle license on august 2013 and i bought a 2011 ninja 250 I was wondering how much my bike insurance would cost? I will call the insurance company in may but I want to know now how much it will cost please answer if you know thenx :)
How much on average is car insurance for young drivers in florida?
i'm a 20 yr old female just trying to budget to figure out how much i need to save for when I get my car. I plan on spending about 2000$ on a used car, but am trying to add in the price of tags, tax, insurance all those up front prices so I figure out how much i need to save up and how many hours i absolutely need to have per week. So, just a rough estimate like $100...$150...something like that. Don't feel like doing price check to price check online with the quotes since I have no clue on the car yet..don't want it to be anything under maybe a '95""
Can I change my auto insurance without extra cost.?
I just purchased a vehicle and had to get full coverage insurance. I have been with Safe Auto for over 6months. I changed coverage on 6-24. I have a bill due on July 11. I want to change to a cheaper insurance company would i be able to do this without more charges? Also would I have to pay the bill due on the 11th.
Does Florida auto insurance have some sort of new windshield coverage?
I need an arguement solved. i was on interstate and some rocks/debris flew off truck in front of me and damaged my windshield. everyone keeps telling me that my insurance will cover the windshield to be replaced but I do not see this in my policy at all. I only carry the basic minimum needed to insure car. Is there something I am missing or does anyone what these other people are talking about? I do not carry comp or collision.
Car insurance for the young?
any body know where to find cheap car insurance for my son aged 17 tried the usual site ie compare and money market.com just got him a 1999 1,2 corsa i have ten years ncb on my own car the wife has been on my policy for 7 years with no claims the corsa is going to be registred in my wife name thanks very much""
Do you have to have insurance for...?
I was wondering, when renting an apartment are you suppose to have insurance?""
What is the average insurance cost for a 04 lexus rx 330?
What is the average insurance cost for a 04 lexus rx 330?
How much would insurance and stuff be for a 1st time driver?
i dont plan on puttin a car on the road till i get my g2.. whts in 11 more months lol ill be 19 then. but i have to do it all on my Own and i dont make alot of money wht is why im savin up!, and nobody else in my family has a car so i can NOT go unnder any1 elses insurance. and i live in Belleville ontario. and so far the only car insurance place i seen around here is Statefarm so ill proly b goin with tht. and i plan on havin either a z24 cavalier, honda civic, neon, sunfire, or an acura, no older then 93.... sp anyone knw wht its gonna cost?, im thinkin proly around $500 a month but im not sure..""
Looking for retirement health insurance in florida?
health insurance in the state of florida for over 55 and you may have to be a resident of the state
Can I drive a classic car as a daily driver while it has collector car insurance?
I want to purchase a 1966 Chevrolet Impala and I found one in my area for a really good price. My mom's boyfriend knows how to work on older cars so repairs and labor costs wouldn't be an issue (unless it'd be something he can't do with his hands like taking the engine out or something) and I am a senior in high school and live about a mile from my school (I know it's not far, but walking through inclement weather or on slippery sidewalks is a hassle sometimes). Can I use a classic car as a daily driver while it has collector car insurance or would I have to insure it with regular car insurance?""
I need to get car insurance im 17 year old male see more info below.?
Im 17 will be 18 in January. I need my license because I have a good opportunity to be a baby sitter but it involves driving the kids kids to soccer practice and school. I have already gotten hired I just need to get my license. I think my mom and dad have alstate and the car I would be driving is a 2001 mini van. How much would it cost ? Would the rates be cheaper if they said I would be driving on rare occasions ? The job pays 200 weekly so its a good opportunity and plus i love the kids.
""Will defensive driving reduce your insurance rates? If so, by how much?
I pay 190.00 a month to farmer's group for car insurance. How much less will it be if I take defensive driving?
Mazda Miatia Insurance Costs!!!?
I am 18 years old and am in the process of buying a mazda miata. I am looking to buy one between 2002-2005. how BAD will the insurance be on it for someone my age? LIke minimum coverage, just Liability and Uninsured Motorist.""
Obamacare starts in three days. will more people have health insurance or less?
an estimated 5 million had their health insurance cancelled because it did not meet the requirements of the Affordable Care Act. The administration says 1 million signed up for Obamacare you do the math http://www.hhs.gov/healthcare/facts/blog/2013/12/enrollment-surged.html
Rover75 rear hit by a 4x4. Garage says not repairable what do I do? how much will the insurance pay?
The 4x4 damaged the rear end of my Rover 75, impossible to shut boot and lights not working. The garage and insurance now say it is not repairable. - but even after the accident, the car was driving perfectly. How much will the insurance company pay? Will they? Is there any way I can get the car fixed?
Possible new car owner with questions about insurance prices?
I'm looking into buying a car. I'm just now about to get my driver's license and I am a twenty year old college student. I need a car to get to work next year, but I need to know if I'll be able to afford one with insurance as well. I live in Georgia, and I just want bare minimum coverage. I'll upgrade if I get a job when I graduate, but until then, I just need something to get me by, you know? How do I go about getting cost estimates? Any time I try to get a quote, I need to already have the car information, but I can't buy a car without knowing how much it's going to cost me...""
Can anyone tell me the average price for car insurance?
i would like a very low price range with a website to prove it
Am I paying to much for car insurance?
I like in Tempe, AZ. I am under my parents insurance and I'm paying $200 a month for car insurance. I drive a Toyota Yaris 2007. At first I thought what I'm paying for was wayyyyy to much, but I got some quotes from other insurance company's and they want me to spend more?! What the heck? Can anyone help me out?""
Cheapest insurance for teenager with traffic violations?
I was just wondering what company has the cheapest insurance for a 17 year old male with three traffic tickets. I'm not looking for a lecture on how I should know better or to have people call me stupid. I've already learned my lesson and I don't speed anymore. But these tickets are still following me around for the next three years. I leave for college in a couple months, and I need a car. But everywhere we have called (Progressive, Allstate, Nationwide, etc.) has given us a quote that is over ten times what we are paying now. Anybody have any advice? Who is usually the cheapest company to go through?""
Car insurance and Traffic accident in Germany?
Is it necessary to have car insurance? Who do you report accidents to after they happen? Do you need to register your cars? Do you take a test to get your license? What is the legal limit for driving while intoxicated? How do they measure blood alcohol? Breathalyzer? Blood? Can you refuse to take the test? Do lawyers get involved in accident cases? What are penalties for driving without a liscence or being insured? Do you have judges, juries or both?""
No insurance..?
Okay I have went to 2 doctors appointments with no insurance.. but now I have insurance.. How much do you think its gonna cost for them two visits
New driver car insurance?
How exactly do you get/where can you find cheaper car insurance for new drivers?
Where can i find a cheap auto insurance in los angeles for a 2004 Subaru Impreza WRX?
I own a 2004 Subaru Impreza Wrx (sedan). Vehicle has a clean title, not salvage, and payed off. I'm looking for the basic (state law requirement) type of auto insurance. I am also 19 years old with a clean record - no tickets, no accidents, etc. *I called a few insurances and so far Inifnity Auto Insurance $182 while Titan Auto Insurance $111.00*""
Where can i find good and cheap used car dealer insurance?
i am trying to open a used car lot and need insurance for it. where can i find cheap insurance i have looked and got a quote at one place but the price is to high 6500.00 per year, are there any other companies that will offer that but for cheaper? thanks""
Life Insurance :?
can i stop paying my premium and get back the amount i paid for? . I took insurance for 15 yr. Already 2 years over. Is ther any option to get the invested money back?
How much would car insurance go up if...?
My family and I are just trying to get a ballpark idea of how much my sister's car insurance would go up if we made a claim on an accident she had. She was in a mall parking lot and pulled out to make a left turn. I think she didn't really see a car coming, but I also think the car was zipping around the lot at a too-fast speed. My sister got hit in her driver's door and needs a new door and the frame of the car needs pulled out. There are no witnesses to really show who's fault it is, and I think it's a little of both judging by how much damage there is on her car (the other driver had to be going fast). There is no damage on the other person's car. It costs about $1500 to get it fixed (just the bare minimum - a new door from a junkyard and fixing the frame, just to make it safe and sealed, there will still be some dents). We're debating on claiming it or not because there is a $500 deductible. She is 25 years old and hasn't had an accident before. How much do you think the insurance would go up and how long would it stay up? Would it be worth it to claim it or should she just pay cash for the damages? Thanks!""
Health Insurance question?
Do any one know a insurance in California that cover pre-existing condition? I am eighteen year old with no insurance still living with my parent which have no health insurance. We had medical but it expired. I have heart problem the doctor said i need to get insurance that cover pre-existing condition. I have try getting quotes online. Or know any good insurance i should try giving a call to.
Temporary insurance on backup bussiness car?
I own a chip route in ga and in process of buying a back up vehicle for my Business. I won't be using my vehicle very often just when my main vehicle goes down. Can I get temporary insurance or a miles based insurance to save money?
What is average insurance rate for liability only for a 19 year old female?
in N. C. on a family type car
Is it true that I will have to buy health insurance or pay a fine?
I thought the whole purpose of the Affordable Care Act was to make healthcare available to everyone. Now I am being told that I have to buy it.
Does anyone know the average cost for motorcycle insurance in New York City?
Not for a new street-bike, but for an older bike, like a triumph""
Car ratings for cost of insurance?
rating numbers car insurance companies use for insuring cars and other transportation.
What are the pros and cons of purchasing a car and leasing a car. Also how to purchase insurance.?
what are the pros and consof purchasing a car and leasing a car. And how do you purchase insurance?
""Is it possible to get insulin for a type 1 diabetic with no insurance, medicare or medicaid?""
My fiance has type 1 diabetes. He gets food stamps, but doesn't qualify for SSI for some reason. He's only 26. I am the only one working, getting minimum wage, and little hours. We can't afford to pay a doctor $100 just for them to tell him he has what he knows what he has, and to get a prescription that cost twice that. It just seems like a vicious cycle we cant get out of.""
Car Insurance question ( British Columbia)?
My boyfriend was driving me car and crashed it. Everything is on my insurance.They said the cost of my insurance will be up for three years. and then it will go back to normal. If I don't get insurance for those three years will it go away or will I still have to pay it when I go to get insurance after the three years?
UK car insurance with a US license.?
I'm 18 years old, just returned to the UK from a 7 year stay in the US. while in the US I got my license at the age of 16. and accumilated 2 years no claims bonus. for the first few weeks back in the UK I had insurance through Ecar. but had to terminate that today through a misunderstanding with their terms and conditions W/ No claims bonus. what would be the best insurance provider to go through? I used compare the market before and the cheapest (minus e car.) was 3500 a year. I am employed and own my own car (2002 fiat punto) and I plan on staying in the UK.""
Can you have two insurance policies on one car?
My Dad has a classis car, I would like to use this car for a weekend, but as i am only 19 I cannot have classic car insurance so I cant go on as a named driver. Is there anyway I can insure this car for a weekend?""
Cheap insurance w/a DUI???
Which are the best companies to compare for car insurance w/a DUI on your record???
""There have been caps of $250K for healthcare lawsuits in California for years, and insurance premiums didnt?
....go down one cent! If fact they are still among the highest in the country. How will this help reform healthcare according to conservatives? When in fact all it does is funnel more cash into their Wall Street supporters pockets?
""Insured vehicle in NY, and registered in CA, Is that legal?""
I have lived in NY all my life untill 2 months ago when i moved to CA. Now I'm looking to get a second truck for transportation. My current and only car is still registered and insured in NY state, what will happen when if i buy this and want to add this for my second vehicle on my current insurance? Will registering it in CA and have insurance on it in NY work? thanks.""
Rover75 rear hit by a 4x4. Garage says not repairable what do I do? how much will the insurance pay?
The 4x4 damaged the rear end of my Rover 75, impossible to shut boot and lights not working. The garage and insurance now say it is not repairable. - but even after the accident, the car was driving perfectly. How much will the insurance company pay? Will they? Is there any way I can get the car fixed?
SR-22 Insurance?
Can someone please tell me the process? I got pulled over in May for DUI and I was told I had to get Sr-22 insurance. I have a brand new Mercedes Benz (CLK 350) and I am 23 years old. The title of the car is in my name and my moms name. Is there any way for me to get around this without her knowing? She will kill me!! Is there a way to take my name of title and just get the non owners SR-22 insurance? All of this is so confusing and i'm scared. Any experts out there?
Insurance estimate help?
I'm 17 years old, currently in high school, upcoming Senior, I have had my license for about 6 months with no accident, I usually have a A/B grade average in school. I want to purchase a 2006 Honda Civic Si, it's a 2 door coupe, with 197 horsepower. As of right now I am currently using a 2002 Honda Civic Coupe EX, I have someone that's going to buy my car for around $5,000, I'm going to use that as a down payment, the Si will be around $15,000 used, at a dealer, around $8,000 after I put $5,000 down, and the additional $2,000 I already have in my bank account. How much do you think I would be paying for insurance on this car? Additional questions: - Do I have to have full coverage? - How do I quote full coverage on a insurance site? - Which insurance company would be better for me? Additional information: I live in California. 17 years old. Held license for a little more then 6 months. Better than B average. I have a part time job outside of school, my parents will provide the loan, and I will be put under my parent's name, we own 3 cars in all (mom, dad, and me)""
Are old Land Rovers cheap to insure for young drivers? 10points!?
For a 17 year old like myself, I've been asking around and a majority of people have said that a Series 3 to a 20+ year old defender are far likely to be cheaper to insure a young driver on. Is this true? I want a Land Rover because they are solid cars and the parts are easy to find and cheap to repair if anything went wrong. I'm looking for either a defender or a series 111 in good shape.""
What is a good insurance I could get for my mom? She's bipolar and schizophrenic.
Medicines are at ridiculous prices for mental illness... we're paying over 1,500 a month in medications. Is there anything that could help? Aside from medical(might get denied). We live in california.""
Cheapest Car Insurance for Young Drivers in Florida?
I live in Orlando FL and I'm looking for some cheap insurance, is there any companies that are known for cheap insurance and good service? Thanks.""
Insurance claim and deductible questions?
I scratched somebody's car while they were parked, so it was my fault. Damages were minor. Since my car is old and I've dropped coverage on my own car (I have coverage for the other car), I have no plan to fix mine. And the other party offered to settle on our own and not go to the insurance company. So, the questions are: 1. If I claim to my insurance company, how much out-of-pocket do I have to pay? His deductible? Or $0 (since I am not fixing mine)? 2. Would my insurance rate will go up even though I have a clean, no at-fault, claim for at least 10 years? 3. Is this settle on our own legal? And anything to watch out for? 4. What would you do if you were me? Thanks much!""
Examples of car insurance for 17 year old male in florida?
I'm 17, turning 18 soon and was wondering what some typical examples of car insurance are for others in my place. I know there are many factors, but I just want an example. Also, what are some major factors that lower car insurance? How much will the insurance change from 17 to 18?""
Received ticket for failure to report accident if found guilty will this make my insurance pay out void?
Was in one vehicle accident car written off insurance paid Still have court for failure to report accident need to know if found guilty will I have to pay the insurance company back
Cheap Car Insurance in Fl?
I'm a 17 year old girl and I have a 95 Pontiac Firebird . What are some super cheap car insurances in Florida . I just need the basic coverage , like just the state minimum . Can somebody please tell me some cheap insurance companies !""
Allied car insurance coverage?
my 17 year old daughter wants to drive my car but i keep telling her that i have to add her to my insurance so if she did get into an accident the car would be covered. I went online looking for the policys that Allied car insurance had and i couldnt find the answer i was looking for... but i did some searching online and some other companies allow a person that lives within the household they would be covered, or i seen that some companies would provide coverage for new drivers and my daughter got her license about 3 months ago soo i suppose she is a new driver. The other thing i saw was that some companies put coverage only on the car but not the driver. So if anyone knows what Allied car insurance policy is, go ahead and post an answer for me, also please don't just post a link to their site and say well take a look for your self, I will be picking best answer. -Thanks""
Car insurance cost for a Infiniti g35 coupe?
I'm 18 and think of getting one, anyone know how much it might be? Oh and btw I live in Hawaii.""
Insurance quote for 2002 Chevy Cavalier z24?
Hi, I am interested in buying a 99-03 Chevy Cavalier, and I am wondering if anyone knows how much the insurance would cost per year or month? I'm a 17 year old male, and this will be my first car. Also have finished drivers' ed.""
Do you need car insurance if you only have your permit?
Do I need car insurance? I've only got my permit and I drive my parent's car. What about after I get my license? Do I still need insurance even though I drive my parents' car?
I can't get affordable health insurance until I lose 20 pounds?
I need to lose 20 pounds so I'm no longer obese. Then I can get into an affordable health payment program. Until then I can't afford insurance so I hope nothing major happens. I've started eating healthy by cutting sweets, fried, processed, junk, and fast foods. Eating lots of fresh fruits and veggies with moderate amounts of whole grains and lean protein. I drink mostly water but will have tea sometimes with a spoonful of honey. For breakfast we have plain oatmeal with fruit but no sugar. My calories are 1300-1600. I'm not very consistent with exercise. I aim for 45-60 minutes of cardio 3-5 times/week and 2-3 strength training sessions each week, but don't always manage all that. So considering that, how soon can I reasonably expect to lose those 20 pounds?""
Insurance costs on a Range Rover?
I'm only 14 right now but since I am a massive car fan I have already come up with a selection of cars. Most definetly euuropean though. My idea was the 3.5 litre that Land Rover had in the Range Rooney (Top Gear reference) I hear insurace is higher for SUV's and convertibles. I think a Rage Rover could be good for practicality, and even though they are slightly unreliable I was thinking put in a new engine. But I also had ideas for a used Mercedes SL hardtop (if they had any). I also like the VW beetle (original). I would think my budget would likely be $4000-5000. I just remembered I also wanted a 1997-99 Jaguar XJ long wheeelbase. So if u can please make a suggestion for a European car with 6 cylinders or more preferebly British or German and tryy adding what insurance might be pllease. Thank you.""
Car insurance question?
If something happens to your car and it falls under comprehensive coverage, will your insurance premium go up after the incident?""
What is the major advantage of term life insurance over whole life insurance?
What is the major advantage of term life insurance over whole life insurance?
Backdated car insurance?
A while back, my husband drove my moms car and totaled it. At the time, we had no car, so we werent carrying insurance. A telephone pole had to be replaced. ANYWAYS, my parents insurance said they are going to cover it. Since then, my husband and I bought our own car and our own insruance. NOW my parents insurance company keeps calling and they want our insurance info so they can bill OUR insurance. When he had the accident, we explained we had no car insurance. Then they called, and my husband had said we have insurance now, but i tihnk she thinks we had it then too (even though we've told them we didnt, which we didnt at the time). They keep wanting the information so they can backdate our insurance and have them pay for the accident. From everything ive read, this is fraud and is illegal. Is this true? They called again today wanting the information and we werent home, and my parents keep saying we never had insurance at the time, so tech. our insurance NOW has nothing to do with it, and it cant be covered by our insurance since we didnt have it at the time... im confused. can someone explain this to me please?""
Insurance question?
what is the average price of insurance of a 18 year old male with a sports car in the zip code area of 72601
What is the cheapest/best home insurance right now?
my home insurance just went up from roughly $800 to $1300 a year! Is their a better, more affordable one out there? Thanks""
Car accident and switching insurance?
Hi, I was with insurance company A and was planning to move into company B in the next few days. I finalised the quote and premium amount and even received the new set of insurance documents from company B and informed the company A of cancellation. But today i met with a minor accident due to rain puddle leading to my car skidding and causing damage. I have filed a claim with company A but I want to understand how this will affect my premium rates with company B. Do I have to inform them beforehand? What will be the best course of action?""
Insurance on a cbr 600rr for a 20 year old in California?
Ive had my normal license (California) for 3 years and just got my motorcycle license. I am looking to buy a street bike, a sport bike specifically. I've looked at all the sporty bikes from 250 to 1000 and I plan on getting a 600 because I've been riding dirtbikes since I could walk so I know I'd get bored of a 250 but at the same time I know I'd kill myself on a 1000. I have a clean driving record aside from one speeding ticket(wasn't even speeding horribly) and a couple parking tickets. So what I'm ultimately trying to figure out is what the cost of my insurance would be and what insurance provider would give me the best coverage on my bike. I know I plan on getting liability since it is cheaper but any and all insight or examples would be very helpful. *people on yahoo love to hate on questions, so if you're one of those poeple, don't even comment. I know how bikes work and I've ridden them before, just need advice on insurance. Thank you!!""
Anyone in California need a quote on Insurance?
I sell Insurance.
Health Insurance in California!?
Hi there, My girlfriend and I are getting married next year. I am British and she's American and I'm going to move to California to live her. I am just wondering how the whole health insurance matter works in California as there is no national health insurance as far as i know! Thanks guys!""
Do you think it is discrimination that car insurance for teens and people in their early twenties is so high.?
parents don't allow teens to drive because they cannot afford the high monthly rates of insuring them This seems like deliberate discrimination to teens. What do you think?
Rover75 rear hit by a 4x4. Garage says not repairable what do I do? how much will the insurance pay?
The 4x4 damaged the rear end of my Rover 75, impossible to shut boot and lights not working. The garage and insurance now say it is not repairable. - but even after the accident, the car was driving perfectly. How much will the insurance company pay? Will they? Is there any way I can get the car fixed?
How much would car insurance cost for a Ford 1965 Convertible Mustang?
im 16 male on parents insurance, good grades, took drivers ed, no tickets, right now my parents are on AARP but any idea would be appreciated. The car is pretty old so its not worth too much it needs a new transmission and stuff.. any idea on a price.""
Will you buy the Life Insurance ? Why? How much?
Some people are concerning about Health Insurance more than Life Insurance and I don't know which one I should buy first.
Baby insurance?
Okay so my fiance and I aren't married yet. I am on my moms insurance until I am 19 and they wont cover the baby. He has his own insurance through WI called Hirsps. I can't change my license yet because my moms insurance will drop me and we dont want that to happen because it will be hard to get insurance to cover hospital bills. How do we get the baby insurance? Can we put the baby on his insurance?
Question about how much you think my insurance will be??! please help?
I'm 17. I just got my license. I will be put on my grandmas insurace. She has one car. We plan to share that till I can get my own. the car is a 1995 sc400 lexus. how much do you think its going to be a month?!
Can I buy medical insurance online or something right before I go to the hospital ?
Am allowed to do that or is there some kind of waiting period you have do ? also if you don't have to wait and can go immediately are there any really good low cost medical insurance plans for Northern California.
Whats the cheapest car insurance?
Whats the cheapest car insurance?
Need affordable home owners insurance in Massachusetts?
We are relocating to Massachusetts and are buying a home there. I have to get a home owners insurance quote for the lender and tried going through my current provider that I have multiple vehicles with hoping to get a discount for bundling the house into it. (I have Geico) They told me they will not insure our house because we own horses. Does anyone know a good company not too expensive that will insure a home with horses in Massachusetts?
Report old ticket to insurance company?
I am looking to get new car insurance, and I had a failure to control ticket over 2 years ago, which means that it is no longer on my driving record in my state. When filling out insurance information, it asks me to report any violations in the last 5 years. If my ticket is not on my record, should I still report it to the insurance company?""
Insurance for first cars?
When I'm 18 an hopefully passed my test I want to get either a VW scirocco, a Peugeot RCZ or a Mazda mx5. But I've been told insurance companies will refuse to insure me because it's my first far so is this true or how much would it roughly cost Thanks""
What is the best choice for a college student with no health insurance?
I am a 20 year old (21 in December) who is a sophomore in college. I have absolutely no form of insurance-health, dental, etc.- and I have been wondering what is the best choice for me? I know this is a problem and I need to get some, but I am clueless. What companies are best? What should I be looking for? What do I need/not need? HELP!""
Is Obamacare insurance.?
at Healthcare.gov they will be doing quotes on October 1 so is the Government selling there own version of Insurance
CAR INSURANCE for a17 year old??
i just passed my test and have the old ford fiesta waiting for me to drive but atm the quotes i'm getting for insurance is around 2000 What are the cheapest sites for car insurance? Should i do Pass Plus?
How can we get cheaper car rental insurance(coming from BC) when renting a car for a week from Trudeau Airport?
A year ago when we rented a car it was exorbitant(over $500) and I know the insurance is available in Manitoba if you buy it there before departure. Does BC have a similar set up for car insurance? Any assistance you may give would be greatly appreciated.
Is four wheel drive worth it for where I live concerning insurance costs?
I want a jeep cherokee as a first car and I cant decide between 4x4 and 2x4. My friend told me that four wheel drive will increace the car insurance. I already thought insurance was expensive, does anyone have any idea how much more this will increase insurance on average. Should I even get a 4x4? I'll be getting the car off craigslist so its not the cost of the vehicle that concerns me its all about the insurance. I live in florida so its not like ill be going through snow or anything i just thought it would be handy if I ever wanted to go off roading once or twice.""
Unemployment Insurance for Teenagers?
The business I have worked at for 3 years has just announced they are shutting their doors at the end of the month. I am only 17 but have been told that I am still able to apply for unemployment benefits...which I know next to nothing about. Basically, I've only worked 10-20 hours a week for a wage slightly above minimum. It's just been a part time job for me since I'm a student and involved in several sports and challenging classes. However, I'm still trying to save money for college, so...what do I actually get when I file for unemployment and am hunting for a job? Anything? Sorry if this question sounds ditzy...I don't know much about the workforce.""
Does anyone know of any life insurance companies that will let you take out a term life policy for one age 69?
My grandfather and I are really close. He keeps telling me that he wants me to get a insurance policy on him which makes me feel bad, because I get the feeling there's something else serious he is not telling me. If something happens to him I don't want to be in a situation where I can't afford to bury him & I know that that type of stuff is important to get taken care of. I have checked into it a little bit online, but from what I have read & been told....when someone is over the age of 65, life insurance companies will not let you get a term policy for someone that age. My grandfather is 69 years old and will be 70 yrs old this month. I really don't have a whole lot of money to pay for whole life insurance & believe that I can only afford to get a term life insurance policy. The problems I think I am going to have is that he smokes & is 69 yrs old. Does anyone know of any good insurance companies that will let me get term life insurance on him being that he is already 69 and smokes?""
Reputable term life insurance?
Is there any term life Companies with decent prices that you don't have to take physicals for?
How are car insurance categories broken down ?
Obviously different cars will cost more to insure with different things affecting the price like engine size performance look and value, but how are these broken down for example when i was looking to buy a car a 2001 1.2 corsa sxi was about 850 to insure but a 2002 peugeot 206 1.1 was 1200 i was 21 and wondered why was the peugeot considerably more seeing as it had a smaller engine was pretty much the same age and was worth the same amount of money ?""
What to do when you have no health insurance?
I dont understand what to do if I'm sick or hurt and I dont have health insurance. The government wont help me, my community has meidcal assistance available to pregnant women, low income families with minor children and those who are aged, blind or disabled residing in the community or in a nursing home. And I dont qualify for any of these, I'm only 21, I'm not pregnant, and I dont have children. -how come help is given to people that are less responsible, but the people that try to do right dont get help at all? I cant afford health insurance, I dont qualify for government help, and I cant afford to go the hospital outright and get charged thousands of dollars that I will never be able to pay!""
How much is motorcycle insurance in Ontario?
I am a 17 year old male living in downtown Toronto Ontario. I am buying either a used Honda CBR 125 cc or a used Kawasaki Ninja 250r. Please tell me the estimate of what my insurance would cost with a completed motorcycle training course.
What will the average insurance payment be for my BMW?
Ever since I was little I've always wanted a BMW. Well now since I'm turning 16 in the fall I have the option of getting a 2004 BMW 5 Series 545i for $9,000. It's in extremely good condition and I just love it. I will be making around $200-250 a month and my monthly payment will be about $106 to the bank till my senior year in college ( yes that's 84 months but it's in good condition so it's worth it) and I was just wondering if any one had a idea how much insurance would cost? I really want to get this car but I won't if I'm not able to pay a payment and insurance at the same time due to other small bills i have. Thanks""
How much car insurance ?
Hi, i am a 17 year old. i am wondering how much could i realistically expect to pay for insurance on a Infiniti G35.. i understand it will be high.. but i will have a job , so im trying to play with the numbers to see if i can handle it. how much would it be a month? i understand the affects i have on it. 17 sports car foriegn car Male but i have a 3.0 gpa took drivers education. apparently these raise and the others deduct. how much could i realistically expect to pay a month.""
I live in pensacola fl and just bought a car how much will the tag and insurance cost?
i just want a estimate also the car is old
How do you get proof of car insurance without a car ?
...so will no longer be using my car . the insurance company is requiring...
Family of 4 looking for affordable health/medical insurance.?
I am looking for insurance for me and my 3 kids. Does anyone have any suggestions as to whom i can go to to find some that won't cost me an arm and a leg. i live in west texas so any suggestions located in this area would be much appreciated.
Rover75 rear hit by a 4x4. Garage says not repairable what do I do? how much will the insurance pay?
The 4x4 damaged the rear end of my Rover 75, impossible to shut boot and lights not working. The garage and insurance now say it is not repairable. - but even after the accident, the car was driving perfectly. How much will the insurance company pay? Will they? Is there any way I can get the car fixed?
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/cheap-insurances-quotes-jose-boyd/"
0 notes
alyssheart · 7 years ago
Text
confessions and story time
i know i haven't posted any of my art in a while. im sorry about that, but i feel inspired after watching a few youtube videos about depression and suicide awareness and i want to tell my story. and its LONG.
A lot of what im about to say no one but my closest friend of 15 years knows. My family, my other friends. no one knows. but here i am about to tell my story, poor grammar and all. so here's your TMI and trigger warning. Let's dive deep
Let me give you some back story. I am 29 years old. I suffer from Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal thoughts. I have 2 amazing little boys, a beautiful daughter who passed away (more on that later). I have a very supportive and understanding fiance. And my family, although a bit dysfunctional at times, is an amazing support group for me and loves me unconditionally.
That being said, there are things that i never told anyone because im one of those people that dont like to burden others when there's so many other, more serious issues that are going on around me to others that i care about.
When i was a little kid, i was adventurous, curious, a little shy. I was 100% a daddy's girl. In my eyes daddy could do no wrong. My mom and i were close too, but in a different way. Dont get me wrong, i LOVE my mom, i always have but it took my mom and dads divorce and a lot of self reflection and hearing stories to know my "do no wrong" dad was anything but.
That, however, is not my story to tell, but its where my story starts.
When my dad left us, we had just moved to Ohio from Alabama. I was young, 6th grade. Of course i stayed with my mom, and my dad moved back to Alabama. I took this hard, i stopped taking care of myself. I didnt shower, i didn't brush my teeth, i didnt want to. my mom would have to force me to not be the smelly kid. my grades in school plummeted, i just didnt care.
a few years passed and then BOYS. Now, since i was young, even in Alabama had "boyfriends". But when i say BOYS i mean preteen-teenager hardcore "im in love and will never love anyone else!" kind of BOYS.
That's when i started taking care of myself again. I would hang out every Saturday night at the local skating rink. thats where i met him. my beginning to my end. my first "love". For protection, we'll call him Steven.
Steven was 2 years older than me, so cute, a sweet talking, gangster wanna-be. the bad boy your mother warns you about. He and i started a relationship that lasted on and off for 4 years.
He cheated on me a lot. Not sleeping around, because he was only 13 (at the begining, i was 11) at the time, but writing notes to other girls, kissing etc. Everytime it would break my little heart, but every time he would sweet talk his way back to me and I'd fall for it EVERY TIME.
lets fast forward a bit, i was now 13, he was 15. My mom is now seeing someone else, who would eventually become my stepdad/little sisters dad. We went to this little town for a semi monthly street fair. While my mom and her new boyfriend stayed at the booth he was working Steve and i started walking around. We walked down this ally way to take a short cut to a store we wanted to visit that sold albums, records etc.
He stopped me in the ally way, and to not become to graphic, things happened. Things I was not ready for, but convinced myself was okay at the time, because i "loved him" and we'd be "together forever ". i cried the entire time, he assumed it was from the pain. It was really because i knew, at this moment i was not ready, and no matter how i tried to convince myself, i KNEW it was wrong. i never said no. i never tried to stop it, that time.
Fast forward again a few months later. My mom drops me off at his house so we could ride to the skating rink together. his parents were home, in the living room and we went to his bed room and i insisted on leaving the door open. he and i had not been alone since that day and i wanted to keep it that way. we started to talk and he asked why we never fooled around after that. I told him that i just didnt want to. i was scared of my mom finding out, or getting pregnant...
He.. got.. PISSED. i mean, he was ANGRY. he held his hand over my mouth so i couldnt scream, grabbed my arm and held me to the wall in his room. He then said "You're tall, fat and stupid. who else is going to love you like i do? So why won't you give me what I need?"
Those words.. stabbed me in my heart like a million daggers. Thing about it was, i wasnt fat.. i was healthy. Yes, i am tall, always have been my dad is 6"7' what do you expect? I also was NOT stupid. i may not have gotten good grades in school but thats because i was not doing homework or turning my work in. not because i didnt understand it but because I didnt care about school.
He then closed, his door, locked it, covered my mouth with his hand, and had his way with me, again....
I sat on his bed and cried until his dad drove us to the skating rink and i found my best friend at the time and told her almost everything that happened in his room that day. She protected me from him the rest of the night. wouldn't let him near me and she and i danced all the anger and pain away.
Of course, im a sucker for punishment and he used all the right words and came back into my life weeks later.
around this time, I started lying to my mom, i stole from my cousin, worst of all i stoped eating. there was a nagging thought always in the back of my mind that i was fat and needed to lose weight. this was actually pretty easy for me. my mom worked A LOT to support me, anywhere from 8-12 hours a day so i would be left at home alone and simply not eat until she was around. I didnt even eat luch at school. id sit with my friends while they ate lunch and i would pretend to have eaten a lot of snacks during the day, or a large breakfast.
Now, remember when i said that i started lying to my mom a lot. It got to a point where she wouldnt believe anything i said. Which, i cant say i blame her, i was being a bitch. But this caused some abuse from my now ex step dad to go unnoticed. I dont blame her for that, looking back now i know she believes me when i would tell her about the time he punched me in the stomach and i think at times she feels bad she didnt believe me when it happened. so i hold no grudges against her. I only bring this up to explain how truly fucked up i was around this time.
So between having to pretend to like my step dad, to Steve getting inside my head, basically starving myself and having my mom not believe a word i said to her about anything. i started to feel so alone....
if you're wondering, the situation with Steve never went any further than those 2 times mentioned. other than that he was the "love of my life".
Eventually the situation had gotten so bad at home that my mom made me start seeing a therapist. He was the 1st person that knew everything, aside from the ally way no one knew about that until I met my best friend Jeff years later.
Fast foward again. My mom gets pregnant with my sister, so we move to a house with my step dad to a new city.
This is where things changed for me, in a positive way. i met Jeff, he became my best friend, my therapist, my brother, my world. He helped me work through a lot of things that i didnt know how to handel. he was there for me when my step dad started abusing my mom. He was there whenever i needed him. he was my saving grace. my angel. He made me stop talking to Steve and preoccupied my time so Steve couldnt weasel his way back into my life. 30 mins isn't much of a drive for a teenager thinking hes about to have sex. Jeff knew this and protected me from it.
Fast forward again, i am now out of high school, im living with this guy who i started dating my senior year. we had been together for 3 years at this point and it was fading fast. we didnt love each other anymore and did everything we could to not be around each other. Thats when i met Chris. My ride or die. the 2nd closest friend i had beside Jeff. I was seriously over weight at this point, and hated myself. i was living with a guy i didnt love but had to pretend i did around everyone else. She was there for me. offered me a roof to live under if i decided to break up with this guy. She would work out with me to help me loose weight, not because she thought i was fat, but because she knew i wanted it. and she gave me the motivation to want to change. then it eventually happened. my boyfriend and i broke up about a week before Easter in 2011.
This is around the time i met my now fiance. my ex and i decided to make it official and move out of the apt my ex and i were living in about 2 months after we broke up, because i wanted things to be official with my now fiance. I moved in with my mom, he moved in with his grandma and that was the end of that.
In November of 2011 after being told i could not have children since i was 19 i got pregnant, with the most beautiful little girl Kairi. Man was she loved. By everyone. not even in the world yet and she was so.. so loved. August 7th 2012 she was stillborn. her cord wrapped around her neck, with a trueknot. she had been dead for a few days before my body decided it was dangerous and needed to come out.
Sept. 1st we burried half her ashes and kept the other half, she is here with me now. My fiance and i decided that we were ready and we needed to try again.
on August 5th 2013 Quin was born. a beautful healthy baby boy, that looked so much like his sister it hurt at first. but that was my baby, the one thing in my life that i was not ashamed of, the one thing in my life that was missing.
Then, to everyones surpize July 25th 2014 Came Silas. my 3rd baby. My beautiful baby boy whom has made ny life and my home so complete.
Happy ending right? Not really. I love my children, i love my fiance, but im scared. im so broken from so many things. im still tall, fat and ugly in my mind. I still try to fix everyone elses problems before my own. I still keep to myself. social situations make me nervous and scared. everything i do feels wrong. im not happy with myself, im not happy with my job, my living situation. Im just not happy.
And yes, at times i have suicidal thoughts. I would never do anything to harm myself, but theres always that thought of "what if". if not for those 2 little boys and their hugs and kisses and just the fact that they need me. i would welcome death with open arms. but for now. telling my story, finally getting everything off my chest is what i need.
im starting Therapy again on March 1st, so hopefully some real professional help will make a differnce.
I felt like i needed to tell this story, not only for myself but for people who know me. for people who get annoyed that i apologize all the time. people who think i hate them because i wont hang out with them. Im trying. i am. im trying to better myself, for me, for you, for my family.
i love each and every one of you so much. i truly do. i dont hate many people. believe it or not Steve and I made amends a few years ago, and even though i would not call him a friend. i forgive him for everything. if i can forgive him and have peace and closure, i can truly say that i believe in my heart of hearts that i am not this terrible moster that i believe i am. I will give chances after chances. I will forgive people fatser for hurting me than the people i love. maybe thats my problem, i dont know. i know ive made mistakes and if the people ive wronged didnt forgive me, i would truly have no one right now.
I want to help people because i cannot help myself. thats my curse.
sorry for the super long post. and thanks for reading my story.
Love always-
0 notes
dcnativegal · 7 years ago
Text
I moved here for love
New Year’s Day, 2018
Entire swaths of my old identity mean nothing here in Oregon. The fact that I was DC born, DC public school educated, and a DC resident for all but my college years, is an odd bit of personal trivia. Back east, this DC Native thing made me a special, rare being. My intimate experience of being a small marshmallow in a sea of cocoa, a minority in a majority black city, doesn’t register as interesting here. My knowledge of back alleys and short cuts through Mount Pleasant, or Brookland, or Chevy Chase DC is not necessary here. My memories of landmarks in Adams Morgan or Georgetown don’t come up in conversation with other DC natives, because I’m the only one. (Remember the cherry cokes at the fountain at People’s Drug Store at 18th & Columbia Road?) My experience as the one white girl in my journalism class at Penn Center’s Urban Journalism Workshop, where I spent my senior year of high school, means nothing, although I’m convinced that my write up of that extraordinary year got me into Oberlin, since my only extracurricular activity was running away from home. I graduated from high school the same year that Roots played on TV, 1977.
Having lived through the Uprising of 1968 while living in Adams Morgan, and having memories of 9/11’s impact on the Pentagon and DC, might be an interesting anecdote here in the Oregon Outback, but the conversation in which that experience might come up is hard to imagine. The knowledge I have about presidential motorcades (that they always have an ambulance at the end and that’s how you tell it’s a presidential one and not a head of state) is downright peculiar. I know that there are two large helicopters that transport the President out of town, and that one is a decoy. That no planes are allowed in DC airspace, except the presidential ones. I’ve seen senators and congress people in downtown restaurants. The famous people of DC are not movie stars; they are more likely to be journalists. The traffic downtown is different when Congress is not in session. Cherry blossom season means the residents avoid the Tidal Basin and the tourists flock there. Seriously, the best place to see the azaleas in April is the National Arboretum.  
My long-lived, meticulously collected, history of daily life in the District of Columbia has been mothballed.
I traded that history for quiet. For zero light pollution. For a glimpse of the milky way on a clear night. For moonlight so bright that I can see dramatic landscapes illumined by it. I traded my familiarity for wonder.
I’ve left behind traffic. There is no traffic in Lake County. Ever. There is the occasionally cow-choked two lane highway: I have learned how to drive very carefully between enormous bovine fellow-travelers on Route 31. There is the inconvenience of a large truck laboring at the top speed of 40 up the Picture Rock Pass. But I’m not in a hurry. I’ll labor, too, and eventually pass the truck when we get back on the flats.
I worked long hours in various social service positions in D.C., hanging out all day with people who had cancer, or dementia, or ALS. In Lake County, I work about 28 hours a week. A little over 3 days. This schedule is … there are no adequate words… luxurious.
My old self was cosmopolitan, and oriented to alphabetical streets, with avenues named after states, the biggest avenues named after the original colonies. Northeast and Northwest DC encompassed most of my world. My idea of wilderness was Rock Creek Park. The beaches of the Atlantic are sloping and the water is warm during summer. I’ve traded all of that for a state that apparently has almost every sort of land and weather the United States seems to offer, in microcosm. Except the waters of the Pacific are very cold, and the beaches are embraced by cliffs.
I am still me. I am an anthropologist from the East Coast, eyes wide open, taking notes for this blog. I moved here for love.
___
People who live in Lake County tend to ask me why I moved from Washington, D.C. to Paisley, Oregon. Depending on the context, I may or may not come out to them, because the answer can be, because I have lots of family here (although they do not know that the family is not actually my kin) or because I have a partner here (and she is originally from Bly.) I may then get asked, how did you meet her? I may well inform them that she and I were both members of a listserv for women who were married to men while figuring out that they may be ‘not strictly heterosexual.’ I knew her as a woman who wrote beautifully and was very funny.  Valerie lived in Germany at the time with her youngest child in high school. She referred to him as the Tall Monk. Her husband was a civilian chemist, serving the Army base. She’d figured out she was pretty darn lesbian some years before, but didn’t have anyone to focus on as a potential female partner, and had this son to finish rearing and launching. We met online as fellow confused gay women, in 2004. We didn’t date until 2011.
In 2003, I had fallen in love with an old friend, a butch woman who lived in Chicago, while I was still in DC.  My husband had given me permission to pursue this woman, following his shocking heart attack at age 43, which drove home the idea that life can be very short indeed. His great gift of permission was one we both occasionally regretted, but it led us to more authentic lives, just separately, by 2006, when I moved out of the only home our kids had known. My children were 11 and 9 at the time. This old friend and I managed a five-year relationship, long distance, until we broke up.
Valerie and I had met once in person back in 2006, and later that year, I’d made her an offer: if she’d come to DC to help me prepare the apartment that I would soon be moving to as a newly separated woman, I would pay all her expenses. She accepted, and we got the one-bedroom apartment ready for moving. I thought she was adorable, and I was very grateful. Off she flew back to Utah, where’d she’d moved by then, still coupled to the chemist.
In 2011 I was single, and training for a half marathon. I don’t know who started what but by late Spring, she and I were contemplating a romance. In June, she was a firewatcher for the Forest Service at Indian Rock in eastern Oregon. By August, I was there, visiting. A more dramatic locale for a first date I can hardly imagine. I stayed a week. The lookout was way up in the air, affixed to a pointy rock much like the one from the Lion King, jutting out into the Malheur Forest. It had 50-mile views, and mountain goats for company. Because I’d been running faithfully in my training, I had no trouble with the altitude. It was a magical time.
I guess because Valerie now had a girlfriend, she wrote letters to her husband, adult children, and siblings announcing she was a) gay, b) leaving her third husband and c) moving to DC for the winter. Needless to say, minds were blown. As soon as fire watch season ended, she moved to DC. By then I’d bought a house in the Edgewood part of northeast. Over the next five years, Valerie would winter with me and then fly back to Oregon to work on the Hyde ranches, or set up a weed whacking business with her youngest granddaughter.
My kids moved back and forth between their parents’ houses, and grew up beautifully, if I may say so. Their dad, Brian, began a relationship with a funny, talented, cheerful and 100% heterosexual woman who lived in the bungalow across the alley from our old house. We six would celebrate Christmas morning together, and go to school events as well. I was active at the church I’d started attending in high school, and Brian worked there for years as Parish Administrator.
Over the course of our relationship, Valerie and I talked about various scenarios. It was clear early on that having her move to DC permanently (including the sauna-like summers) was not going to work for several immutable reasons. One was the heat: Valerie’s multiple sclerosis is not a huge variable in her life most of the time, but when it’s very hot, she decompensates, and becomes a stuttering, lurching mess. Plus, all of her family is in Oregon. I don’t have much family: there’s my beloved sister, who lives in Philadelphia, and her amazing sons, who are wandering young people, just like mine are. I have lovely cousins who are all west of the Mississippi, so I’d be closer to them if I moved west.  Valerie has children, grandchildren, siblings, nieces and nephews in Oregon and northern California. Lastly, although officially retired and receiving social security, Val has several jobs she can do part time in Eastern Oregon that don’t exist in the urban context. There is little demand inside the Beltway for tending cows, irrigating, and general fence maintenance.
When I began accepting that the best thing was to move west, I knew I’d wait until the kids were out of the house. At one point I told her, you know, Valerie, if I’m pulling up all my roots and moving where I know no one besides you, I want a ring on my finger. She considered my depth of feeling and was respectful. She didn’t say no way. She didn’t propose either.
When I’d visit her for 10 days each summer, we’d travel around the state. We considered Ashland OR as a possible place to settle as a couple. She’d lived there when she was a student at Southern Oregon University, taking care of three kids and her grandmother as her husband also studied. It’s a bit of a resort town, known for its theater. It has an Episcopal parish we visited, and a dear friend of Valerie’s who’s a professor. We decided against it because it’s really too hot in the summer. And pricey.
Our next choice was Eugene. It’s a progressive college town, and we already knew 3 people: a former coworker of mine, and Valerie’s first husband and HIS husband. We settled on that place, despite my concern that it is so very white. The entire state is so very white.
In the last couple of years I lived in DC, I felt myself slowly withdrawing. I kept in touch with my good friends, but I no longer pursued people I thought would make good future friends: I’m leaving soon, I thought. I need to prioritize. My work as a hospice social worker was more stressful than I thought it would be and not because my clients were dying at a fast rate. It was the Medicare-induced stressors around compliance with a thousand regulations, and productivity pressures.  
At church, I agreed to be on the search committee for a new Senior Priest, and proceeded to pour heart and soul into a very time consuming and conflict-ridden process. My faith community of 40 years got the last bit of oooomph I had left, and once the process was finished and the priest chosen, I was kind of done. I never thought I’d feel that way about that place. And I probably would still be there, enjoying the fabulous liturgy, the kind people, and the new directions I know he is steering it toward. But knowing I was moving west ‘soon’, I could let go of being a part of those adventures.
My children’s father made it easier to contemplate leaving the city of our children’s birth when he decamped for Tucson Arizona in April of 2017 with his long-time girlfriend. He’s originally from California, and Jenny’s folks and sister live in Tucson. They sold their homes in Brookland DC and bought a much bigger home outright.  
Jonah was ensconced in Brooklyn, and making a living as a music video director. Clara was a rising senior at Oberlin, and not at all sure where she’d be after graduating in 2017. So all it took was a particularly terrible staff meeting at Hospice one day in July 2016, and I was ready. I started looking for work in Oregon as a social worker. I got all the paper work together to get licensed there. I found a job, interviewed over Skype, and accepted the position as a care manager in Eugene. Within 2 weeks, I’d resigned at hospice, lined up a mover for mid August, and started packing. In early August, my new job evaporated: they said they couldn’t wait so long for me to get there. Valerie told me, come out anyway, we’ll stay in Paisley, and figure something out. And so I did.
Looking back, I don’t know how we considered any place besides than Paisley. For one thing, living in the home that Valerie and her son rehabilitated means rent free living for me. I didn’t realize that being a licensed social worker made me such a hot commodity in a county that is so rural, it’s called ‘frontier’ in the public health nomenclature.  My being queer doesn’t seem to matter, thanks to the Eastern Oregon-born status of the well-respected Valerie, and the fact that Hope was right: no one really cares.
We probably won’t marry, although I have fantasies about a really fun wedding. Maybe someday, if, and I mean if, I feel as though there is a community, IN Paisley, that would commit to our well-being as a couple. She’s had 3 marriages to my one: getting married to each other is unnecessary.  Meanwhile, I’ve come to see how loyal Valerie is, and how much she loves me. I thought maybe she’d regret my having moved into her world, bugging her 12 months out of the year instead of 6 or 7. But she has lots of places to go while I work, lots of family members to help paint a house or construct a room, and dear friends to ranch for when needed. I spent this past summer driving to Fort Klamath, Beatty, Brothers and Chiloquin. We took the train to visit her brother and sister in law in Lotus, California. If Valerie needs a break from me, there’s lots of opportunities. And I can binge watch Netflix without her ever-so-mild disapproval.
It’s all worked out remarkably well.
I moved to Paisley for Valerie, and a slower, kinder, quieter life. It was a good decision. Even though I still miss Black people, Jews, Ethiopian food, free museums, gingko trees in the fall, and liturgy with an enthusiastic thurifer…
0 notes
michaelmitchikolopez-blog · 7 years ago
Text
Autobiography
Am I A Hero?
  I am a Philippine flag. Every part of my life has a story, and it took time in order for everything to be formed. Every thread represents my success in defeating the monsters that tried to eat me alive. I will never be who I am today without these experiences. I may not be special, but I also went through a lot, just like the history of the country. Throughout the 17 years of existence, I have learned a lot – and not once did I regret doing the things I did.
   On June 12, 2000, I was born with parents, Christmas Lopez and Michael Lopez at the Our Lady of Perpetual Succor hospital. Despite some problems encountered by my mother while she was pregnant, we both still survived. As a kid, I was Gregorio Del Pillar; a boy who just wants to have fun and play all day. I’m an only child, and that made me very thirsty for playmates. However, I got to live with it for I, later on, enjoyed the company of my parents. They became my best friends. Usually, at night, our bonding time would be watching the news and even some of my favorite television programs. Aside from them, my grandparents, titos and titas, and cousins played a huge part in making my childhood fun too. They were those that I went to when for example, my mom or dad and I weren’t in good terms.
   In 2009, more characters joined my story. My half-siblings came here to the country (when in fact they are based from the US). So you see, I already knew about it when I was 5, and I never took it as something bad. I was like “yay! I have siblings. At least, I’m not alone.” I still remember the first time I saw them. I was sitting on my big luggage bag that I brought to school every day until suddenly, my father called me. As I walked near him, I saw a boy and a girl wearing white shirts behind his back. “Hey, do you know them?” my father asked me. I answered with a stutter, “My bro and sister.”
   My siblings created a huge impact in my life. For the first time, I was able to talk with someone close to my age as and had a deep connection with. It helped that our personalities complemented each other. During this time, I was able to bring out the best and worst version of myself.
   Being the good kids that they were, I couldn’t help but envy them sometimes – especially my brother who was only 3 weeks older than me. People always liked him because he was the chubby and likable type, while I was the ugly duckling with a bad temper. This led to fights with them, and I was always the one who starts it. My young self could not accept defeat, and that was the main reason why I became a weird monster.
   Nevertheless, I spent a really good time with them. I have always been the quiet type and they made me get out of my shell. I got to do things I could not imagine to do if it weren’t for them. They immediately became my squad, and I still miss those days when we had all the time in the world to play Nintendo DS, watch movies, and dance. I miss those good old days when things were still simple and problems were shallow.
    I could say that this stage of mine ended when my siblings left the Philippines in 2011. It was sad because by then, I have come to realize that I really love them. We will forever be engraved in each other’s hearts. Just like Goyong (Gregorio Del Pillar), my childhood was short-lived – but memorable. If given the chance, I would want to live that part of my life again. In fact, when I watched a particular Korean drama, a specific line reminded me of it. “The reason why childhood is such a great period is that it’s like a star which shines for a moment but dies after a while. I guess not being to stay in it forever is what makes it special. We all miss our youth not because we were young during those days, but because the people we love were like that too. We will forever miss our parents who used to be like big mountains in our eyes or our friends who were as small as a booger,” it said.
   The beginning of Junior High School was when I turned into Apolinario Mabini. Due to pass the Ateneo High School Entrance Examination and the Philippine Science High School test, I had to go to my plan C which was to stay in Angelicum. I must say that it was a good choice though. It became a stepping stone for me to know what I really want in life.
  “Alam mo ang epal mo nung YS-8. Ayoko sa’yo nun eh haha,” this was the confession of my bestfriend to me when I asked her about how I was a few years ago. First year high school was difficult. Just like our “dakilang lumpo,” I also felt that it was very difficult to adjust and move around. I had to deal with new people, and I’m no social butterfly. I didn’t know what to say and not to say. It was social awkwardness at its finest. However, I will be thankful that as time passed by, I got to know others deeper and became friends with them. Most of them were women, and that was why an issue appeared around this time of life. I was labeled as effeminate. I never gave a crap about them though. Being friends with someone does not require a specific gender or race. It only requires connection and love. All in all, it was still remarkable for me because this began my journey as an adolescent.
   Second year high school was all about discovery of oneself. This was when I was able to find out how far I can go as a person. I learned how to dream, what I want to achieve, and what I can do. It was the first time where I had to report academic works in front of an audience and it trained me to be a better speaker. YS-9 made me realize that filmmaking was a passion too. One short film project there made me really go crazy because of excitement.
   Third year high school was a learning experience. Cramming was part of me. As an Angelican for several years, I have always leaned into doing things the night before the deadline or even a minute before the test. That was how irresponsible I was. That all changed though when I met my Math teacher. He didn’t settle for anything less, and my academic performance in his subject led me to failure. I always thought “Ahhh kaya naman yan, January ang start ng school year sa Angelicum,” but man I was wrong. I guess it did not help that I found solid friends that year. I gave most of their time chatting with them or playing games with them. Unfortunately, balance really is key.
   Fourth year high school was a year replete with regrets. Because of what happened the previous year, my ego got really hurt. I wanted to prove myself again as a responsible student. This made me fully focus on my studies. Again, anything excessive can be bad, and that was what happened. I regret up to this moment not spending a lot of time with my YS-11 classmates. When most of them asked me to join them in rides or hanging out, I declined and studied instead. That even went as far as considering bringing modules to our promenade – insane.
   My adolescence was more of a collection of my memories as a student. I basically gave my life to school during this time. Despite my disability (in my case, it was my ignorance of the real world). Most of my experiences as a person came from school or the people in it. Like what I said, I was never the guy who preferred going out. I am an extremely introverted person, yes?
   I am now Jose Rizal – and this is the ultimate truth. Being a Senior High School student was and is still stressful for me. I had to take time to adjust, and when I did, I realized how great yet horrifying it is. Sleeping turned into a luxury, and studying is what I do most of the time. On the flip side though, I really matured a lot in terms of perspective. This experience gives me confidence that I can at least, handle college if not achieve a lot there.
 I envision my future as the guy in red. I want to be compared to nobody anymore. Hopefully, just like the color mentioned above, I can be passionate about my career – and even my love life. I want to be the best version of Mitchiko to come out when I finish college. I can only hope right now, but I hope that happens. It would be great if I turn into a successful filmmaker too.
 In conclusion, I am just a guy who aims to prove his worth to others. I may not be impeccable, but I’m doing all that I can in order to be great. I want to make a mark in this world so that before I leave, I may tell the higher being that “Lord, I have loved many people. Thank you for giving me the chance to.”
0 notes