#would love to hear someone who remembers it better or read it more recently put forth a more detailed scenario here

[itsbenedict]

what the fuck mandy you can't just say who carlyle's biological parents are that's LITERALLY ILLEGAL

But yeah, this is a tricky one! In part because like, it's been a while since I read those books, but also because Carlyle is so temperamentally a cinnamon roll. And the plot isn't fresh enough in my mind to figure out the perfect place for them to go off the deep end...

I think probably the easiest way to do this is to just have Julia Doria-Pamphili get to them. Carlyle goes through like five different crises of faith in these books, so it's probably not hard to have one of them resolve in a less healthy way. They break, one of the many times they had the opportunity to break but didn't in canon, and Julia makes them into exactly the weapon she intended them to be. Probably works best if, like, this happens before Bridger does what Bridger does at the end of Too Like the Lightning, and they kidnap him and really fuck up his conversation with J.E.D.D. Mason. Theologically speaking, they can do a lot of damage.

[miyaz6ki]

Hiii, it's me again, I'm here to ask abt kinich- anyways, Reader is kind of insecure and self conscious and she's dating kinich, and she sees how good mualani is to kinich and starts to ask herself if she should actually be with him (+I would appreciate it you somehow turn this into smut because I'm a dog for him🤭)

NSFW CONTENT AHEAD UTC.

you knew kinich was close with her too, but you couldn't help but feel like you weren't as good as she was.

you saw the way she looked at him, what were you supposed to do? you knew she'd never pursue someone in a relationship but she always asked about your relationship with kinich.. was she hoping you'd break up?

well i'll be glad to answer that no she does not! but ill explain more later.

you continued to feel like you weren't a good partner, therefore distancing yourself from the man you fell in love with.

maybe he was better off with her. or at least so you thought. you see, mualanj was giving him advice on how to treat you, she always smiled whenever her and kinich spoke about it.. because.. well.. it was funny to her how he doesn't know how to talk to you.

you have barely had your first kiss with him, and he's never had anyone else like you before.. so he had to ask a professional (mualani plus her 0 relationship experience advice)

"just remember to make them feel at home! you notice if they've been sad or anything recently?" mualani puts up her surfboard up on a tree, sitting on the soft grains of sand on the beach.

"i.. feel like they've been running away from me.. did i do anything wrong?"

mualani realized immediately why you'd distance yourself; you were jealous. kinich has a dense sense for romance, so he wouldn't notice immediately unless.. well professional couplw therapist mualani ensures it doesn't happen again!

once kinich realizes what he's done, he goes to find you as soon as possible. not even hearing out more of mualani's words. she was sure you both would figure it out anyway.

but trust me kinich is quick on his feet to tell you how you're everything to him.

when you tell him you didn't believe him.. well i guess he just had to show you.

kinich who learned a few things from the books mualani threw at him, she didn't realize one of them was basically sex in a book, as he read on, he wanted to try out a specific scene.

laid out in front of him, taking his gloves off carefully tossing them to the side. prepping your hole for him to treat you good. your wetness already all over his fingers as he added another digit progressively.

he who hums into your ear, hearing how well you whimpered, and whined out his name. he could only praise you for how good you took him.

your cunt sucked him inside so well, the sounds of pleasure echoed throughout the hallway in the gap of the unlocked door.

your walls started to tighten around his cock, but that wouldn't stop him from penetrating you. he'd make sure by tonight that no one other than you could make him cum.

kinich who likes to put you into a mating press, your legs held high above your head, he slaps the soft skin of your ass, before laying a kiss onto your wet cunt, mixed with cum of your own and his.

kinich will make sure you know that he loves you more than anyone else. and he wants you to do the same (not that you weren't already doing that.)

but when its all over, his words are sweet, learning a thing or two from whatever mualani discussed with him. clearing the air on why he had been talking to mualani more recently.

he just meant to ask her about advice on what to get you for your next anniversary 🩵

[urrmomzfavorite]

YOUR ENERGY/VIBES- THE EFFECT ON THEM ?

psstt check my masterlist if you want more readings from me !

I also have this reading in a video format

PILE ONE:

Your energy/vibes:

Your energy is light-hearted, but I don’t think people would ever know, just by looking at you or observing you, the hardship you've been through. Pile One, you have a really nice energy—warm and light. But you've endured so much darkness and still came out on the other side smiling and believing in the world. This is a superpower. Despite life's challenges and people putting you down constantly, you remain hopeful, holding faith in humanity. People underestimate you because of your light, but they quickly realize that you’re not someone to mess with. You will always find your way, no matter what—your resilience and your heart are your superpowers. Pile One, people may try to take your light or drown you in darkness, but you need to remember: you have immense power, magic, and protection.

The Effect Your Energy Has on Them: Pile One, this person is losing sleep over you. You were a catalyst for them—someone they never thought they'd meet or believed could exist. They may have thought they could play around, but they quickly learned otherwise. This person was comfortable living in their ego, telling themselves they were untouchable. But then you came along and touched their soul. Admitting how they feel or how you make them feel is a challenge for them. This person has a big ego, and just the thought of your existence challenges it. They may flaunt their wealth and social circles online, yet still feel lonely, even with people around them. You reminded them how deeply they crave connection—something real, something deep—but it became too real for them to handle.

CHECK MY MASTER LIST FOR MORE READINGS !!

PILE TWO:

Your energy/vibes:

Pile Two, how do I say this? Your energy is mischievous. You're a smart cookie, and you have a way of making people do things while they think it's their idea. I feel like you often find yourself in the middle of conflicts, but you're the one who ends up winning. You need to win the argument—you’d make a great debater! But there’s been a shift in your energy recently; you’re growing, leaning into, and going through a "dark night of the soul" journey. You’ve realized that some of the fights you’ve been in weren’t fair. I don’t think you used to care whether they were fair or not, but now you're reflecting and seeing where you may have been wrong. Pile Two, I’m proud of you. Growth is a scary process, but you’re taking a leap of faith in hopes of bettering yourself. You want to be someone you're proud of. I applaud your courage and honesty. Remember, past mistakes don't define us—recognizing our wrongs is the first step in making things right.

The Effect Your Energy Has on Them:

Once again, Pile Two, where do I start? This person feels conflicted. They left because they feel like you’re too quick to make decisions. Leaving you was hard for them, and they didn’t enjoy the process. Since then, they've been fighting themselves to keep their distance. You want them back. You left something behind to move toward them, and they can feel your energy. They know you're coming. However, I don’t think it’s the right time to rekindle things with this person. They’re still processing the hurt and focusing on their own growth. The universe doesn’t want you to disrupt their progress. I’m not saying they wouldn’t be open to the idea of you again, but if you were to start over now, it could go south quickly. You both are mirroring each other right now.

CHECK MY MASTER LIST FOR MORE READINGS !!

PILE THREE:

Your energy/vibes:

Pile Three, my babies, guess who’s an overthinker? Let’s talk about it—can you make a decision already? Choose. JUST. CHOOSE! Okay, I’m half-joking, but seriously—your energy is wonderful. People see you as someone who’s going far in life. You’re curious about the world and knowledge. People love hearing your point of view because you really consider all the possibilities. You’re a good person, or at least you really try to be fair to everyone. You have a lot of fire in you, but you keep it balanced. You’re responsible and reliable—we can count on you.

This has nothing to do with your energy, but if you’ve been thinking about exploring the world but are feeling stuck—GO! You will flourish. There’s nothing to worry about; you can’t always be three steps ahead. It’s okay to just enjoy the moment. You exude success, and you’re either already successful or on your way toward it.

The Effect Your Energy Has on Them:Someone wants it all with you. They’re unsure if you’ll be interested, thinking that you already have everything you need and they can’t add anything to your life. They enjoy the friendly conversations, but deep down, they know there’s something more beneath your cute energy—a deep, potentially dangerous connection. But they don’t care—they still want to explore it. They’re hesitant to send you a message, worried about how it might be interpreted. You both are overthinkers. However, in their case, they want to do things the "right way." This person feels connected to you and truly sees you. This could even be a long-time friend who is in love with you. They feel a deep connection they can’t explain, and things just flow naturally when you’re together. They want a home and family with you—it’s not just a crush; they want to commit and build a future with you.

CHECK MY MASTER LIST FOR MORE READINGS !!

[drawnbinary]

This drawing is from a fic I've been chipping at on-and-off for a couple months during walks

It's nowhere close to done but I recently found the document again and it's better than I remembered, so I've put a plot synopsis and the first scene under a read more (because that's all I've got edited)

The loose plot is that Brassius' parents have become convinced that Hassel is dating their son and insist that he comes to the family Christmas party as Brassius' date. When Brassius asks Hassel to pretend to be his boyfriend, they don't have the foresight to plan more than a backstory.

They don't question how easy it is to maintain the charade, especially once the Extra Festive Drinks start flowing and Brassius isn't so embarrassed and Hassel isn't so concerned with keeping his hands to himself...

And as is relevant to the drawing: in the last third-or-so, there's not enough chairs in the living room and they have to share (obviously there's also only one bed and it wouldn't be a Christmas fic without mistletoe...)

----------

“—Of course we know you're very busy and your work is important, but have you given any thought at all about getting back into dating?”

“You've never brought anyone home for the Christmas party and— we’d just love to see you settle down with someone. You're not getting any younger and we just worry about you being lonely.”

It's the same thing every year. Brassius had just finished ironing out details on video call with his parents about visiting for the big family Christmas party, and now they have to emphasize how everyone else is bringing a significant other except him.

As one of the oldest among his cousins, his parents have been on him about being the only one who isn't married yet ever since his youngest cousin got married four years ago.

“How could I be lonely? I've got Hass!”

The pause on the other end was long.

Suspiciously long.

“Of course! He's been over a few times we've called—”

“—And the times he hasn't, you're always talking about him!” his dad finished, with a laugh in his voice “The pet names you have for each other are so sweet”

“What? We're not— it's not like that” Brassius sputtered and turned bright red, but all his protests would be ignored

“Last time we called, we had to cut it short because he was meeting Hassel for a picnic…”

“May I remind you that we live in Paldea? Everyone picnics. Picnicking is the national pastime”

“Picnicking in the center of a hedge maze sounds pretty intimate…”

“It's the closest shaded area to have a picnic near my work.”

“And it seems like all the photos Brassius's sent us in the past few months have been of the two of them together - there was that lovely photo last month near Levincia! The smiles were almost as bright as the Million Volt Skyline itself!”

“Oh truly, how did we not notice before? The most famously romantic location in all of Paldea—”

“It's also just a pleasant walk from my house”

“How fortunate for you two; your father and I would take a flying taxicab there back in the day to—”

“—I DON'T NEED THE DETAILS!” Brassius interrupted

His parents laughed at his outburst and then got back to business, “Anyways, you simply must bring Hassel to the Christmas party as your date!”

“We know he's not got his own family's Christmas events to be at so there's no reason he shouldn't come!”

“How would you know?��

“We do actually listen to the things you say, you know, and we can hardly forget how ‘avant-garde’ it was that he ‘chose passion over his birthright’ after the third time hearing it”, he spoke and gestured extra dramatically while quoting his son

Brassius covered part of his face with a hand. Somehow he was even more embarrassed than he already had been and his hand could feel the heat radiating off his face.

“I'm hanging up.”

“I’m so glad you've found someone you so clearly adore; we look forward to seeing you and Hassel next weekend! Love you!”

“Love you too. I'm going now”

Brassius hung up abruptly and slunk down in his chair.

How on earth is he going to bring this up to Hass? It's not his fault that his parents were so wrong, but on the other hand they were far too close to the truth for comfort and this whole situation is humiliating.

[nerdiel-has-no-braincells]

If I Stay

ft: michael kaiser x f!reader

summary: you don’t know how you got into this predicament, taking beating after beating, insult after insult, all for what? for your daughter, who your fiancée loves more than anything. you begin to think back on how you put yourself into this position

cw: aged!up, abusive relationship (not michael & reader), angst, physical and emotional abuse (not michael & reader), please do not read if this will trigger you (for your own safety and mental well being 🫶🏻)

It’s always easy to say that we would never let a significant other treat us badly. It’s so easy to tell ourselves that we respect ourselves too much to allow someone to put us down.

When we’re on the outside, we see toxic relationships and always tell ourselves that we’ll never allow ourselves to be in one until we do become in one. How hard is it to leave when you don’t remember the reason why you originally left?

That’s what you keep asking yourself as you look at your fiancée of 5 years. Why do you stay? Why can’t you bring yourself to leave?

Is it love? Is it because you’re stuck? Is it because you want to make it work? You don’t have an answer to these questions. But when you look at your 2 year old daughter, you can’t help but wish she wouldn’t hear her father yelling at you, calling you every name that had ever existed. You prayed she wouldn’t see the bruises that covered your body, causing you to be forced to wear sweaters even during the hottest seasons because he doesn’t try to leave bruises in easily hidden places.

You prayed so hard every night that your daughter would never allow herself to be in a relationship as toxic as yours.

You shielded your daughter from seeing and hearing the fights that go on in the night. You shed silent tears in order to not wake her from her slumber as you cowered in the corner taking punch after punch.

Your fiancée was a narcissist in the worst way. Not only was everything your fault, you didn’t do anything, you paid for nothing, and you never took care of your daughter even though you were the primary caregiver, everything was in your name, you were the one who had a steady job while your fiancée was once again unable to work due to his “back injury” that he obtained while at work.

He really did though, in the beginning. He went to physical therapy and you were there for him every step of the way until it became months after he had finished his therapy and was cleared to go back to work. Instead, he used it as an excuse to not work, do chores, anything.

Your days include taking care of your daughter, going to work at one of your two jobs, going to your second job, coming home to clean, make dinner, and continue taking care of your daughter. All while your fiancée sat on the couch playing games.

While you were at work, your daughter stayed with your mother, who had been worried for your well being. You never told her what really happens at home, always playing it off as just another silly argument, saying he was going to anger management, and that things were getting better. Your mother knew better, though, but the only thing she could do was love and be there for you. She’s tried to help you; tried to get you to leave, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You tell yourself time and time again that you love him and that’s the reason why you stay. You chose to relish in the good times rather than the bad, even when the bad outweighed the good.

That being said, you were looking forward to the weekend. Your darling baby girl had recently turned 3 and her birthday party was on Saturday. Your best friends, who you considered as family, were coming to spend time with your daughter.

They’ve always expressed their concerns about your fiancée to you, but they choose to love and support you no matter what.

Because you’re paying for everything out of pocket, you had reached out to take a rain check on the party because you didn’t have the money to be able to afford to take everyone swimming. One of your friends, Kathrin, offered to pay for it instead just so that your daughter could spend the day having fun with her cousins and aunts. You were so thankful and had talked to your fiancée about it, to which he agreed to it.

The day of the party, however, you were in the middle of getting your daughter ready for her party by dressing her in her favorite party dress, and your husband had passed by your daughter’s room after just waking up. Stopping, he turned back around and looked at you in anger, causing the hair on your arms and nape to stand. You instinctively turned around and shielded your daughter behind you as you stared at your fiancée, waiting for him to say something as he glowered down at you.

“Tell your little friend that she’s not paying for shit.” He finally speaks. “I don’t fucking accept handouts.”

You stared at him in disbelief.

“It’s not a handout. Kathrin genuinely wants Emma to have fun with her cousins and aunts.” You responded, careful to not raise your voice or change your calm tone. You didn’t want to start an argument but calmly talk it out. Sometimes he’d be in a good mood to talk things out and you were hoping, praying that today was one of those days.

“She’s not paying for anything.” He seethed. Looks like today wasn’t one of those days.

“All she’s trying to do is make me look bad. Tell her she’s not paying for shit.”

You scoffed before you glanced down at your daughter. Giving her a small smile, you tell her to go play with her toys so that she wouldn’t be in the same room as the impending argument that would shortly unfold before looking at your fiancée.

“She’s not making you look bad. Sometimes people need help and it’s ok to accept help. She just genuinely wants to make Emma happy.” You respond. When it came to your daughter’s well-being and happiness, you found your voice.

Your fiancée’s glare never wavered. He didn’t like when you talked back to him, especially when you were attempting to make him look like a fool.

“I know what your friends think about me. You think I’m fucking dumb?!” He shouted, causing you to flinch.

Wrong move.

He immediately reached out and grabbed you by your neck, lifting you up to where your feet barely touched the floor, dangling below. You grabbed onto his wrist, trying to get him to loosen his hold onto you until he threw you against the door causing you to choke in pain.

“I don’t give a fuck if your friends want to talk shit to me but the moment you open your mouth, you bet your stupid ass I’m going to shut you up myself.”

Squeezing his fingers around your throat, you feel your airwaves close and you begin to gasp for breath. Your body’s alarm bells ring and you begin to struggle and scratch at his hands and wrist, trying to loosen his grip on you.

In the corner of your tear filled eyes, you see your daughter in the hall as she sees her father choking you and begins to cry.

The one weakness your fiancée has is his daughter, so when he hears her cries, he immediately drops his guard and looks over at her. Dropping you to the floor, he runs over to her and scoops her up in his arms.

“It’s ok sweetheart, daddy’s got you now.” He soothes as he walks away, leaving you coughing on the floor trying to find your breath.

Damn him. Fucking damn him.

You reach for your phone and send a quick text to your friends that the party was cancelled. When they expressed their worries and asked what happened, you didn’t respond back.

As soon as you caught your breath, you go into the bathroom, turning on the light and looking into the mirror. Forming on your neck were bruises in the shape of your fiancée’s fingers, steadily growing darker as time passed by.

The tears that had formed in your eyes earlier fell and you felt yourself sink onto the floor. Covering your mouth with your hand, you finally let yourself cry.

That night, you gently got out of bed and dressed yourself in clothes that would hide your arms and neck. After your fiancée had calmed down, he apologized for what he did to you and cried asking for your forgiveness, which as always, you forgave him.

After putting your daughter to bed, he came up behind you and began to kiss your neck, apologizing over and over while you cleaned the dishes from dinner.

This happens every time. He would have an outburst, hit you, and then beg your forgiveness when he felt horny. So you ended up forgiving and sleeping with him. Today wasn’t any different and you wanted nothing more than to take your daughter and leave.

But you couldn’t do that to him. He loved his daughter more than anything and despite how horrible he is to you, he’s an amazing and wonderful father. Emma is his entire world and she loves her father very much.

Your friends and family have told you that it wasn’t healthy for her to be raised in an environment where you were being abused. You knew it. But you just couldn’t take her away from him so long as he never laid a hand on her. And a part of you felt like he knew that.

Leaving to go to the convenience store, you thought back on when you were laying underneath your fiancée. He kept whining about how much he wanted another child, a sibling for Emma. You weren’t ready for another child just yet. Not with him at least. So while you took birth control to prevent another pregnancy that would result in you being stuck even more than you already were. Yet another reason that would make you feel the need to stay.

As you entered the convenience store, you bought a pregnancy test and water. You couldn’t bring yourself to take it at home, so you took it in the store restroom. Even with birth control, there was always the chance that you could become pregnant still and while you didn’t experience any symptoms with your daughter, you found yourself becoming nauseated as the days went on, so you were worried. You couldn’t let your fiancée find out because then you’d end up underneath him every night to make sure you would become pregnant. You were thankful that you kept your birth control a secret from him, feigning an illness when you received the implant so you would never be worried. Unfortunate for you that you were.

As you washed your hands in the sink, you thought back to 7 years ago.

You walked along the halls of your high school after school while you waited for your brother, Alexis Ness, to finish practice. He asked for you to wait for him so that the two of you could go home together…after accompanying his friend Michael. You were supposed to stay near the field, but you got bored watching the guys kick a ball around. Or the one man who believed he was better than the rest, even your brother.

Not wanting to watch your brother subject himself to be treated like a dog, you snuck away during a play.

You love your brother, you absolutely do. He was just very protective of you. If anyone thought he was serious about Michael, it was worse with you. He wouldn’t hesitate to threaten any guy who came up to you, good intentions or bad. It made dating hard and you wanted to be able to experience your first boyfriend. Hell, you’d take a first date.

Passing by the classrooms lost in your thoughts, you felt a hand grab your arm and pull you backwards and into a hard body. Looking up behind you, you met the owner of the hand and body, who looked to be a couple of inches taller than your brother and he had an attractive smile.

Letting you go, he stepped back and rubbed the back of his neck while you turned around to face him, keeping silent. You didn’t know who he was but you guessed he had to find a workaround to talk to you since your brother scared away just about every guy in your grade.

“Sorry.” He apologized. “I saw you and didn’t know how else to get your attention without alerting your brother.”

You were right.

“It’s ok.” You responded, giving a smile. “My brother can be scary when he wants to be.”

He laughed and the sound of his laughter made your heart flutter.

“Yeah, he’s never said anything to me, but I’ve heard a lot of stories so I figured my best bet to talk to you was to wait until you were alone. N-Not that I was following you or anything, I was in the faculty office.”

Your smile widened.

“Uh huh. Sure.” You teased.

It felt nice talking to him. While your experience with talking to guys was limited to your brother, this conversation felt easy.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?” He asked.

You glanced over at where the football field was to see if practice was still ongoing. It looked like everyone was starting to disperse causing you to feel nervous. Once Alexis saw that you weren’t around, he was going to lecture you.

Looking back at the man in front of you, you nodded.

“Sure! Sounds fun!” You agreed, taking out your phone and handing it to him so that he could add his number.

As soon as he handed you your phone, it began ringing as if Alexis knew that your phone had been handed off to someone. You immediately answered and waved goodbye before you turned and walked towards the field.

“What’s up Alexi?” You greeted.

“Y/N where are you? I told you to stay near the field. What if someone kidnapped you while you weren’t around?!” Alexis lectured in a panicked voice.

Rolling your eyes, you exited the building only to find your brother running around in a panic while Michael was watching him in amusement. Laughing, you waved to get his attention. Alexis looked at you and ran as quickly as he could, enveloping you in a hug that caused you to groan when he body slammed you. Alexis leaned back and held your cheeks in his hands and it was evident he teared up from worry.

“Alexi, I'm fine. I got bored.” You explained. “So I was in the halls.”

“What if a pervert found you? Like one of the teachers?” Alexis responded with furrowed brows.

A chuckle was heard behind you as Michael appeared, which caused you to furrow your brows and glare at him.

“Let her be, Ness. You can’t ask her to sit there every day and expect her to not be bored.” Michael said, giving you one of his signature smiles, which caused you to roll your eyes.

Alexis dropped his hands and smiled at Michael, his cheeks tinted pink.

“You’re right! I can’t be overprotective all the time, especially during practice when I need to focus on giving you a great pass.”

You inwardly groan.

It was that day that brought you to your current predicament. That guy that was shy and sweet is now your abusive fiancée.

You were aware of his anger problems, especially mixed with his narcissism since back then. But he never laid a hand on you until right before you broke up.

It was a stupid argument that was so stupid you couldn’t even remember what it was about. But whatever it was about caused him to give you one good slap to your face. You held your hand to your cheek and stared at him in disbelief before you broke up with him and ran off.

You were scared Alexis would find out so you avoided going home for a while until you were sure your brother would be in his room.

What you didn’t expect was to run into Michael Kaiser. He had exited a coffee shop and you ended up walking into him because you weren’t paying attention; you just wanted to get away.

His trademark smile formed as soon as he saw you, but it faded just as quickly as it appeared. His brows furrowed and he gently placed his hand on your chin, tilting your head to the side to look at the fresh red mark on your face. Tears threatened to fall as he stayed quiet.

“Please don’t tell Alexi…” You whispered.

“Give me one reason why.” Michael answered sternly. “Or better yet, give me the name of the person who did this to you, liebling.”

Your eyes widened. You had never seen this reaction off of Michael. He had always had a carefree attitude. Looking away from him, you moved his hand away.

“I just know how protective he is of me. It was just a silly argument and even then, I broke up with him.” You bit your bottom lip as the tears formed in your eyes once again.

Michael stared at you not saying a word. It felt suffocating to you and you just wanted to run off. You didn’t even like this man but the simple action of him getting angry on your behalf caused butterflies in your stomach. It felt like an eternity passed before you heard Michael sigh as if he’d come to a conclusion in his head and didn’t like the thought.

“Alright, I won’t tell Ness.” He said.

You looked at Michael, the shock evident on your face. This was something else you didn’t know about him. You were sure he was going to tell your brother. He definitely seemed like the type who would at least hold it over your head.

“In return,” He said, gently taking some of your hair and bringing it to his lips. His usual smile on his face as he looked directly into your eyes.

Oh boy. You were tired of being right.

“Let me treat you today. You need to see how a real man treats a woman.”

Despite the disgust you felt, your cheeks were tinted pink.

Sighing, you recognized your utter defeat. If you didn’t do what he said, he would tell your brother. You would rather deal with him than the wrath of your brother.

“Fine.” You answered in a monotone.

Michael chuckled and winked before letting your hair fall.

“Braves Mädchen.”

It took everything in you to not roll your eyes at his response even when it made your chest tighten. You would never admit he had his charms. He annoyed you to no end.

Michael had successfully distracted you from that day and you were able to move on. Then 3 years ago, your ex came back into the picture.

Because you originally blocked him after that breakup, he couldn’t get in contact with you and as soon as he saw you at random, he got on his knees and apologized.

When you decided to hear him out, he told you after he hit you, he realized his anger was out of control and he went to therapy to better himself. He told you he had changed and missed you.

So you took him back.

And you saw that he did change. His anger was controlled around you and he treated you much better.

Until the day he proposed after your daughter was born.

Sighing at the memory, you picked up the pregnancy test and looked at the results: negative. You felt a wave of relief wash over you, not realizing how much tension your body was holding during those few minutes.

Throwing away the test, you exited the bathroom and rubbed the bridge of your nose before colliding into someone. You really need to pay attention.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” You apologize without looking at the person.

“Liebling?” A familiar voice called out, causing you to immediately look up and find the familiar blonde in front of you.

“Michael?” You breathed.

masterlist | chapter 2 ⤠

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Blue Lock is created and owned by Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura

Art is owned by Haru

©️nerdiel-has-no-braincells 2023 Please do not copy, translate, and post as your own. Reblogs, likes, and comments are ok with me!

[celestie0]

so your insecure about your smut I hear ? if it makes you feel better I still mentally jerk it in memory of the following:

kickoff chapter 6 particularly when reader’s collapsed over the sink and gojos still on his knees behind her just WATCHING and then when their eye fucking eachother in the mirror and readers hand is reached behind to grab the back of his head THATS SO SEXY

the tension in chapter 8 i know there was only a proposition of smut but when it was stripped away I think that’s when I fell in love with the series because the slow burn is just everything - disclaimer I don’t jork it to that I just like the scene

The duration of kickoff chapter 11 couch scene 👌. My stomach does the thing every time, dry humping is elite, and the high school in love-ness between them 😭I’m throwing up

THE IHM SNEAK PEAKS

I refuse to believe you think those are bad as well like tf???? And not just the lazy morning sex that had me bust a load but the death row meal comment??????? Making out while doing calculus in his head so not to get a boner???? And for someone who’s not a fan of dirty talk like babe come on, the way you capture all the different sexy aspects of that sexy man like the vulgarity had me HOT and then his dumbass down bad-ness just UGh the need to put a baby in him right now

anyway that deserved its own paragraph but then obviously there’s works with smut as the actual premise

L&L specifically the bj scene I think you awakened my praise kink with that one - btw will we ever get a part 2 because I’m pretty sure that plan fell through but just letting you know I’m all up for seconds, no pressure if it’s not a part of ur agenda though

Round the clock.

actually hold up let me elaborate on these above two points in my full opinion because I really want you to understand this, the tropes/pairings/dynamics which your brain births are so fucking hot that the smut scene is instantly made good even if it’s not your most proud part of the writing process, this links to the common knowledge which ihm reader preached in the recent chapter- men will get hard to anything - but unfortunately it’s not so easy as a woman, personally that’s why I tend to resort to reading cause there’s nothing more psychologically immersing and of course the point of fanfiction is we’re already in love with our husband gojo so just add a little sexy lore ie. older, boxer, babysitter and babe I’m already halfway there cause of the quality of your ideas and writing, smut is only part of the experience and it’s not necessarily the most important

Last but not least that one domestic drabble you wrote I know it’s kind of a pwp moment but the position wifey reader and toji did it in omg and when he called her a slut and when he had her cockdrunk and babbling and begging for a baby 😫✋

honorable mention because like I said smut isn’t everything: the scene where ihm Gojo is shirtless fixing the kitchen sink and drinking oj from a mug and then when he picked up reader while she’s in a measly silk gown … yeah I jork it to that😔

in conclusion ur smut makes me horny🙂 so I think your sufficiently successful in achieving its primary purpose, please don’t be so hard on yourself and I hope you can learn to find more self satisfaction in these parts of your work where you lack confidence and see it in a better light

<333

ok hi anon im back! lol

first of all thank u sm. some people might think a fanfic author would desire a good dicking down from their favorite fictional character and a blunt shortly thereafter. but no. THIS is all a fanfic author truly wants.

HAHAH no but in serious you’re so sweet to point outtt these little details i could sob :”) i was cheesing so hard in the morning when i read it haha!!

i always forget the kickoff ch6 party bathroom scene happened xd sometimes i get thrown into a state of shock when i remember i wrote it. and that’s the thing!! i was so excited n giddy to write it bc it was back when i didnt think too hard about my writing haha. somewhere along the line i just became so self conscious ab smut :( but anywho yes the couch scene in kickoff ch11 had me screaming while i was writing it i was so excited to eventually post it so i’m so happy you enjoyed ittt aaa :”)

STOP bc i have SO much smut planned for ihm 😭😭 ranging from borderline crack smut to passionate lovemaking loool i can’t wait to get to those parts of the series but ouf yea them insecurities be haaaaard. i think i just don’t see a lot of representation of the kind of smut i like to write in the fandom very much so it gets me second guessing 🥲 like idk i like dirty talk but it has to be kinda on the nose?? like the whole part where ihm gojo says the thing ab doing calculus in his head so he doesnt get a hard-on 😂😂 like idk it’s so cute n hot to me in my head but it’s kinda niche to my preferences haha

sorry i’m rambling but like ugh same w the morning sex scene i wanna get to that part sooo bad but i just hope i don’t second guess that scene once i get to it 😩😩 bc oh my the way my coochie was clenching the whole time while writing it LOL i sob

aw yeahh i was supposed to do a pt2 for l&l but hmm i kinda got bored of the concept. it was my first major oneshot smut n like aaa i like it but :0 i think it does stand good alone as just one part

thanks my dear :”) i agree i think…well, i have a hard time giving myself credit for anything usually haha, but i do think that the character dynamics i created outside of i guess the smutty stuff rlly helps? i guess its kinda like a buffer when i get into writing smut bc im like oh yknow even if this isnt the hottest thing my readers have read i hope that they enjoy it bc they like my versions of gojo xd so you’re so sweet for validating me on that HAHAHA

also stooooop i love that scene in ihm. the one where he picks her up effortlessly while she’s on all fours in her grandma nightgown on the floor 🤣🤣 idk if this is so hyperspecifically arousing but like the thought of sporty muscular gojo having just come back from a run n he’s manhandling vintage silk nightgown-wearing reader while she’s has barely awoken from sleep is so cute n silly n hot to me. sorry it sounds like im jerking myself off here but i just love ihm gojo sm honestly i would like to fuck him until his balls look like raisins :/

anywhooo you’re too sweet. like seriously. and i saw your follow up ask, an hour?? imma sob. i’m saving the link for this ask to look back on whenever i feel bad ab my smut writing abilities!! or just writing in general. i fear u may have saved me anon LOL i haven’t felt this excited to write smut in a while! i appreciate you :)) much love!

[catpella]

i never use this thing anymore for posting or reblogging because of the "my life fell apart" Depression and how so much of the good parts of my 2011-end of 2021 life came from here and then 2022-onwards it fell apart. opening it is a timecapsule to a happier me. only sad me exists now. i opened this to go find an oc thing and then found a thing that reminded me of personimiss.

now it's back to the endless aching awful misery of having loving someone so much i changed my life to bring them more into it, managed to fuck it up and lost everything that mattered, and then still waking up longing to speak to my old best friend turned spouse turned ex who blocked me. they who will never speak to me again and just wanted me gone from their life. some of what led me to lose everything was "a confluence of situations being unfortunate on the sides of all people involved" (in like understandable ways that it was overwhelming for them and led to someone needing to pull back), and some weren't the fault of people involved even when how they reacted are. (sorry i had a rare side effect of a mental health medication - literally, "medication induced psychosis" - and during a state of artificial psychosis damaged things!!!). and it feels so unfair to remember stats that when women get cancer or other major medical diagnoses, often its as recently as 1 in 8 that their partners leave. and i feel like in many ways i was victim to this because the med psychosis was a not-my-faut thing and i tried to fix things after it and i was punished and i still lost everything.

therapist says grief is love with nowhere to go and it's true. the asymmetry of loving so much when i was not and am not loved back, and i just feel like a pipe leading to nowhere with all this pressure of love that i can't share and that won't be reciprocated just spilling out onto the endlessly.

and i want to talk abt it with other people who were there (as in: knew us both) but people are "sorry i don't want to get in the middle so i don't want to hear about it" which is fine b/c i get it you don't want to hear one friend slagging another but like. i wish for a single day. someone would let me vent this all out to them and get it out and tell me some of it, any of it, wasn't me. like please, i need a friend who was There and Knows to step up and be a friend and make space for me to grieve on a singular day. please. i'm so tired of all the comfort being from folks who didn't know the good and the hopes and the dreams.

i put on a brave face a lot with people in rl but in the privacy (sort of - people are reading it who know me irl but you can choose not to) of my own blog space i can say it: i'm still not ok with what happened. i will never be okay with what happened. i will spend the rest of my life with my heart wrenched out of my chest because the person i loved most in the world, that i thought understood me more than anyone else in the world, will never speak to me again. and in fact is happy to never speak to me again. this was their preferred outcome. and it doesn't matter i was sick when i hurt them, it doesn't matter i tried actively to do better after it happened, it doesn't matter i went for inpatient psych therapy and rebuilt myself ground up to try to make myself better and heal. it doesn't matter i love them still. they gave up on me while i was sick, and i can do. nothing. to repair it. i would trade everything i have to get it back and i can't do anything to fix what i broke. i lost my housing, my rebuilt found family, several friendships, so much of my savings. for...nothing. for everything to end around me with no hope of salvaging it, and they're happy they're rid of me and thriving without me.

there is nothing i can do to repair the thing that was most important to me in the entire world, because i am not now loved by them. and maybe was not ever loved by them. was certainly not loved enough to try to fix instead of abandon. and it just. hurts.

[cathy-gabby]

i need to vent and am so upset .. I have just had enough.. I may bust if I don't say this to someone.. someone that may understand and may feel as I do.. another fan of Jin.. a Seokjinnie

I was looking up something the other day and it had nothing to do with what I found but it was people talking about the way that he couldn't dance. Excuse me.. are then talking about the same guy??? I have see videos of them placing Jhope and him on top of each other.. their moves match.. I have seen videos of professional dancers talking about how good he was. One even said he was the sexiest (I agree) and he further said if he fixed one thing (how his foot hit) that it was over for the rest.. (question.. why didn't anyone ever point that out of help to fix that). I have seen the other members make mistakes often yet.. the narrative and belittling is always on Jin for dancing. I even remember and interview and the whole audience yelled that he was the one that made the most mistakes.. what are people watching and another interview that V and JK.. JK!!!!! has NO problem saying his name. I am a Jinkooker but seriously what the hell... Jin deserves MUCH better. No partner or no good loving partner would do that. That isn't teasing that is mean and cruel. Thank goodness for RM in those interviews.

I saw someone constantly comment on someone's post about how he wasn't needed and how the others took turns babysitting him and went on and one (they also names all the couples they said in the group.. which of course they said he wasn't part of one)

People will use him to put down others, compare him. they will use his image so that their true bias isn't insulted or called out.

The latest.. why do people seriously thing this IMENSLY private man would talk about his sexual preferences. Meaning.. they took some off hand comment he said YEARS ago about eating big bites and then they take a more recent event on a Run Jin where they did wrestling and he wanted to know what the other guy (the ugly troll Jonathan.. sorry NOT a fan).. had done to him.. that happened YEARS inbetween yet people say he talks about it ALL THE TIME.. .. WTH!!!!???? How do those two things YEARS apart equal to all the time .. how do those things mean he is talking about sex. they have NOTHING to do with the other. i am disgusted. How do some people get something innocent and twist it into somethings DISGUSTING.. they make him out like he is some sicko that gets off on pain and torture.. some BDSM shit..

Thank you for being an ear.. i am just in tears.. I adore that man.. he is a kind sweet man..

Stan twitter is so mean to Seokjin. It is filled with RL and ML fans who always show their hatred towards Jin every other day. Whatever he does or does not do – these people always have something negative to say about him. I understand what you feel. I used to be greatly affected by these comments, too, especially knowing that Jin, at some time in the past, was also affected by these mean posts.

But after his military enlistment, he has become more confident and surer of his ways. Sadly, he has also become chronically offline. It’s a good thing, though, because he would not be able to see all these drama. But it also means we see and hear less and less of him. Plus, he might not be able to read all the beautiful loving posts about him.

These past days, however, X contains viral appreciation and loving tweets about Jin and what an excellent human he is. I feel happy knowing that fans and non-fans alike have seen and felt his goodness.

But generally, I stay out of X or just mute and block posts and accounts that are mean to him and follow only likeminded Seokjinnies.

[tomorrowxtogether]

Music BEOMGYU listens to, sings and writes

The TOMORROW X TOGETHER member shares his views on the power of music

Having grown up with music around him, BEOMGYU has since become an artist himself and takes on the role of DJ on his Weverse radio show, Beom’edio, to discuss his musical thoughts, feelings, and tastes with his listeners. You can tell how serious he takes music by how he carefully combs through lyrics to pick out songs that perfectly reflect the stories he hears from fans. BEOMGYU’s already been an idol for five years, but he’s still passionately exploring his musical side, looking to get better at playing guitar and writing songs. He lights up when he talks about the power of music, and wants to be the one to show people just how powerful it can be. As you’ll see below, BEOMGYU’s musical world keeps on growing up and outward.

A friendly, chill time with the host of Beom’edio BEOMGYU: Hosting a radio show was always a small dream of mine. I wanted to hear stories from listeners and give me thoughts on them, talk about my own experiences—just chill like that. I was on a number of radio shows after debuting, both as a one-time guest and over a few episodes, and that led to me setting myself a goal to have my own radio show some day. I don’t put in a huge about of prep for the broadcast—just get excited thinking about the stories I’ll get to hear and think about what I should tell them. I’ve seen MOA worry about me before, like, Is something wrong with BEOMGYU today? He looks a little down today. But it’s not like that—never. (laughs) I’m always pretty quiet when I’m not working on camera and even more so when the other members aren’t around. I keep reminding the fans that keeping things chill and low-key works nicely for me.

Choosing songs for MOA after a long, hard day BEOMGYU: I read people’s stories, look up lines from songs that have made me feel better in the past, and try to pick out the song that matches best to play. I recommend these songs to MOA after they’ve had a long, hard day in hopes that it’ll be a good way to bring it to a close. Sometimes just a single little song can be a huge source of relief after a really tough day, you know? And I really love hearing people talk about their lives. When I recorded the third episode of Beom’edio for my birthday, there were a lot of stories about birthday traditions I forgot about but that I’m sure I used to do, like eating seaweed soup. And I remember there was someone who talked about how they turned things around and wrote their parents a letter on their own birthday and their mom cried while reading it. I learn things from reading MOA’s stories and get wrapped up in their emotions, which I feel like gives me more emotional depth.

The feel-good beauty of comforting indie music BEOMGYU: When I was a trainee, I listened to “Photograph” by offonoff a lot, and practiced singing it, too. I would listen to it at night when I was alone and that helped calm me down. I really loved that. That’s when I started really getting into indie music. I still listen to it today. To me, indie music feels like it’s either really poetic or really straightforward. When I’m listening to music, or when I’m writing my own lyrics, I like a song where the words alone can make you feel better, even without any melody. A lot of the songs that gave me support when I felt anxious or down were indie songs, so I listened to a lot of them. That’s why I play indie music for MOA so often on Beom’edio.

Heo Hoy Kyung’s cover of “Anti-Romantic” BEOMGYU: I said on Beom’edio before how “I think the power of music is amazing.” When I experience emotional uncertainty, I really rely on the power of music. It can be especially tough being in unfamiliar places when traveling abroad. So, before I get on a plane or go up on stage, I need some alone time. And in times like that, I always listen to Heo Hoy Kyung. I was so happy when I saw recently that Heo Hoy Kyung sang a TOMORROW X TOGETHER song on Lee Hyori’s Red Carpet and talked about me. (laughs) She sang “Anti-Romantic,” and that song means a lot to me because I worked really hard on the lyrics and I feel emotional whenever I perform it. I was with my parents when she covered it, and I kept bragging and showing it to them. I listened to her cover on repeat until I fell asleep. (laughs) If I ever get to cover one of her songs, I’d like to try doing “So life goes on”!

Songs that bring BEOMGYU back to a special time BEOMGYU: My taste in music is heavily influenced by what I listened to with my dad when I was young—listening to ABBA songs like “Dancing Queen” and “I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do” early in the morning, or “Piano Man” by Billy Joel. Even now, whenever I listen to ABBA, I still picture waking up at three or four in the morning with my dad and driving to Taebaek. And my mom used to play IU’s album A Flower Bookmark on a speaker every morning. Whenever I hear songs from that album, I think about the times I woke up rubbing my eyes. That’s part of the reason why I bought a copy on vinyl. Sure, you can just listen to music, but it also makes memories last longer, you know? It makes them memorable. That’s what makes music so special.

BEOMGYU’s approach to songwriting BEOMGYU: When I write a song, I always, always, always draw on personal experience. When I go to write a song, if I can look at what it’s about and relate to it and go, I’ve thought that before, or, I’ve dealt with this before, then I can get really into writing about it, but I don’t really write about things I haven’t personally experienced. I don’t feel really confident about writing about emotions I haven’t personally felt. Everyone has their own approach to writing songs; this is just the style that’s worked for me so far. I don’t sit down to write songs—I’ll just be walking along or washing my hands in the bathroom when suddenly an idea hits me and I make a quick note on my phone or hum the melody and record it. I try to take my thoughts and feelings about my experiences and turn them into songs.

What BEOMGYU wants to preserve through his music BEOMGYU: It feels like lots of people are so busy living their lives that they completely miss out on the things right in front of them. Even me: Until just recently, I was so involved in the things I’m working on that I never properly got in touch with my parents or with my friends. But then, this year, I realized something. I’ve been in Seoul for something like seven or eight years now, and I feel like I’m missing out on so much. I need to look around myself more and take better care of the people around me. There’s a song by LANY about parents called “if this is the last time.” We always think of our moms and dads as these strong superheroes who always win in the end, but at some point you realize they’re getting older. I go down to Daegu once a year to see my parents, and every time I do and I see they’ve gotten a bit older, it really hurts to think about—because, even though everybody gets older, I wasn’t there to watch it happen and I couldn’t pay enough attention. And I want to preserve this realization I made earlier this year by writing a song about it.

A growing appreciation for “Skipping Stones” BEOMGYU: In a previous Weverse Magazine interview, I mentioned that “Skipping Stones” really lets me show off my vocals, but to be honest, I wasn’t confident about that from the start. When I heard we were going to have an indie song, I had no idea it was going to sound like that. It felt all new. It didn’t sound like what I’m used to hearing from indie. But SOOBIN absolutely loved it. That’s when I realized how many different styles there are within indie, and over time, I really came to love it.  And it sounded even better with our vocals. My vocal parts were higher than I usually sing, and it feels like the way I pushed myself to sing it actually brings out the emotion better. It doesn’t normally feel so emotional if the singer can effortlessly hit those high notes. (laughs)

Songwriting always begins with a guitar BEOMGYU: Guitar is one of those things I can never leave out of my music. And actually, every time I write a song, it always begins with the guitar. I honestly think songs without guitar in them feel flat. (laughs) There’s something comforting about an acoustic guitar—and electric guitars make you feel energetic. I’m still looking into guitar lessons, too. I’d love to keep taking lessons, but it’s hard to find time with all the promoting and touring, unfortunately. But I fell even more for the electric guitar while practicing the song “Wonder” for the latest concert. Learning to play electric guitar better would vastly widen the spectrum of music I could write, not to mention my ability to express those things on stage. I want to get better so that I have more to offer. Practicing guitar empties my head of distraction and instead fills it up with determination. (laughs) Like, I gotta do this.

Packing five years into minisode 3: TOMORROW BEOMGYU: Preparing for this comeback was the busiest we’ve ever been, without question. (laughs) All I was thinking about while recording the vocals was, I really have to do a good job here. I just thought, the better I do it, the better the message gets across. “Quarter Life” was the song off the album that most closely aligned with my tastes at first, but now I’m loving “Miracle” the most. “Quarter Life” is a unit track with Kai, TAEHYUN, and me, all of who love the sound of rock music, so we were extremely excited to try something like this. I actually thought about doing rock music with Kai all the time, and I wanted to do it with TAEHYUN too because he has such an amazing voice with a wide vocal range.

Shared tastes in music among the group members BEOMGYU: SOOBIN likes indie music, too, so he recommends a lot of songs to me. He’ll send me, like, three songs and then two days later come ask me, “Did you listen?!” But the truth is, I don’t always check them out right away. (laughs) If I say, “No yet,” he pushes me, like, “Just listen already! Listen to them right now!” (laughs) SOOBIN’s really broadened my taste in indie. Sometimes when I’m with him and see how he listens to music, I think, Wow—this guy really loves his indie. Of all the songs he’s sent me, my favorite was Kim Hyunchang’s song “Nothing but Morning,” which I talked about on Beom’edio. I think Kai and I click musically too. Both of us used to play instruments and we love rock music.

Speaking up through indie music BEOMGYU: I’ve mentioned before that I have a personal goal where “I hope I can engage in indie music in the future.” While I do work on and put a lot of thought into TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s music, I’m also constantly thinking about what my music is like. So, when I have a little more time and my skill levels improve a bit, I want to think about what kind of music it is I truly want to do and try to write my own music. Learning guitar is another part of that dream. Those songs you hear where they play the guitar and softly, softly sing about the things they want to say, and they make you feel good? That’s the kind of music I want to make. Music that says what I want to say.

[demonqueenart]

Thank you for answering, I really appreciate it <3 I remember when people were speaking up about these issues a few years ago and many people in the phandom either shut them down or ignored them, and while I’m sure there’s still a lot of that going on even now, I’m really glad that we’ve reached a far more open and understanding point where it’s okay to talk about this stuff now. You and blogs like yours are doing a really good job putting yourselves out there, and we really are striving for a more inclusive community, because we all deserve it!!

Per the subtitle thing, I did some more research and went back to their recent videos, and it seems that while the majority of them do have proper subtitles, I think DnP don’t tend to upload their videos with proper subtitles on them at first, and instead do the subs afterwards and then add them when they’re finished, because the most recent video still has auto-generated subs on it.

While I am thankful that they do put on proper subs, since far too many YouTubers (some even bigger than them) don’t even bother, I believe they should make sure that the subs are there when they upload their videos; since I usually wait a few days to watch new videos, I didn’t notice the time-gap between auto-generated and proper subtitles, so that was my mistake! I appreciate their captioning, but D/deaf people, HoH people and people with sensory processing issues shouldn’t have to wait for accessibility, so I do think they have the capacity to do better in that regards. I’m not an expert on how captioning works on YouTube, so I don’t know how long it takes for captions to be made, but overall I think there’s definitely room for improvement.

That’s my opinion, though, as someone who uses subtitles, but obviously someone else may see this completely differently!

Absolutely! People should be able to enjoy an upload right then! I imagine it’s disheartening that someone would have to wait for a subtitle to be in a video while others have already watched and geeked about the whole thing. That must have made people feel excluded from this community in some way. I hope they’ll hire professionals for subtitles in the future, or find other ways to make people able to enjoy an upload right then! (It’s still very nice of them to use subtitles in their video early on tho. I think it’s something that people can overlook so easily, I’m glad this is not what they do :) )

Also, if anyone wants to share their pov about this, I would love to hear them. The more pov, the better!

[ID/ a banner with light blue sparkly background; the disability pride flag slides in from the left and darker blue text pops in reading "Make some noise for Disability Pride Month!!" /end ID]

Banner by dapg-otmebytheballs

Auto-message: This ask’s purpose is to acknowledge dnp’s past/present exclusivity, not to cancel them! But to embrace mistakes that they’ve made so that 1. we won’t exclude people in need in this community, and 2. we can normalize bringing up exclusivity so that improvement can happen. Hopefully this will one day help dnp realize that this is a safe space for them to talk about their mistakes, so that this space can become safe for people of all kinds too <3

*If you don’t understand what is happening, scroll through my blog for context. And I’ll be taking time to answer my asks, so don’t think I’m ignoring youuu*

[ghost-likes-drawing]

Perfect Assistant

A Pilot Chapter/Chapter 1 for a Fic I'm maybe writing

Word count: 1540

Also in this universe < Nacho

---------

If there is one fact Pepito knows about Pepito it's this:

Pepito is not very smart.

But that's fine by Pepito. Because Pepito’s Apa says that for Pepito’s job being smart is not all that important. What is more important is that Pepito can follow instructions and do as Pepito is told.

And Pepito is very good at both of those things.

Pepito has gotten so good at the flawless execution of Apa’s instructions that Pepito some mornings wakes up to find a list on Pepito’s desk with all the things Apa wants Pepito to do for him and when he will be back to collect Pepito for breakfast.

This is one of those mornings.

Pepito woke up in Pepito’s cubby from a dream Pepito can't remember. Same as every morning for as long as Pepito could remember. Pepito gives Pepito’s bunny stuffie a squeeze, worn with over a decade of love. Pepito hides it under the pillow incase one of the rabbits does a surprise inspection again and puts on Pepito’s glasses. Pepito gets out of the cubby, makes the bed. Pepito knows if Apa was here Pepito would have heard him by now so Pepito checks the desk.

A list.

Pepito opens the bottom drawer in Pepito’s desk to get clothes and goes to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Pepito changes and puts Pepito’s pajamas in the dirty clothes basket. Pepito opens Pepito’s pill counter and pulls out this morning's pill…. or half a pill. Today’s half has the smile on it.

Apa says Pepito doesn't need more than half. So each week Apa helps Pepito half the Pills and every other day he gets the half with the smile and on the off days he gets the half with the plus.

Pepito takes the pill and brushes Pepito’s teeth before examining them. They’ll fall out again soon. Pepito realizes and sighs. Pepito doesn't want to get new teeth filled down again. But Pepito can't have teeth that are to sharp so Pepito won't complain.

When Pepito has checked everything is put away Pepito goes back to Pepito’s desk and reads the checklist

- Insure all personal items are put away (mine and yours)

- Organize machine parts

- Organize chemical supplies

- Wipe down tables

- Sweep

- Mop.

Will collect you for breakfast at 9:30

Pepito smiles. Easy. Pepito checks the clock 7:30. 2 hours. That's plenty of time.

And it was because Pepito finished at 9 leaving 30 minutes and nothing to do. So Pepito did what Pepito usually did when there was extra time and Pepito shouldn't pull out new items. Talk to the rat.

Pepito pulled over Pepito’s chair and smiled as the Rat poked its head up to look at Pepito.

Pepito had picked up the habit from Apa who would talk to the rat when he thought Pepito wasn't paying attention. When Pepito asked Apa said that he couldn't write down how he felt. Someone might find it. He couldn't speak to loudly to the room or the cameras would pick it up. Couldn't tell a person they might tell a higher up. But the Rat couldn't tell anyone. So he would tell the rat.

Pepito did Pepito’s best not to listen to Apa talk to the rat but on a really good day Pepito could hear Apa tell the rat what a wonderful child Pepito was. How much the rat must wish it had a child as wonderful as Pepito. But the rat couldn't because it was a Stupid Rat. Then Apa would laugh so hard he'd fall out of his chair.

Pepito smiled to the rat and began to whisper “Hello again Hermano” Pepito didn't name the rat. if Pepito had the rat would have a better name. “I hope you're doing well. I’m doing well. We had pudding after dinner yesterday. oh Nacho is getting real jobs recently so they aren't stopping by the lab as much to make me hang out. When we do hang out they still keep sitting way to close though.”

The rat uncurled itself to look more at Pepito.

“I wish I could make them stop without geting me and Apa in trouble… I don't know why it has to be me… there has got to be someone else Nacho can hang with. Someone I dont know because im always in the lab.” Pepito frowns “I already got in trouble last month for correcting Nacho. I don't know why I did that either I know I'm not supposed to actually participate when in conversation with it, Im supposed to just respond slightly to let Nacho keep going.”

The rat moved closer to the glass, gently bumping its head against it.

Pepito smiles and presses a finger against the glass where the rat put its head.

Pepito continues the one sided conversation with the rat. talking about the most recent book Pepito read and the most recent experiments Pepito was helping on. Although helping was a strong word. Pepito was only allowed to take notes and sometimes hold materials. Pepito heard steps walking to the door and got up, putting away the seat as the rat scrambled to get away from the glass.

Pepito went to where the Mop was kept and as the door opened pretended to put that away.

“Just finishing up?” Apa asked looking around the room to examine Pepito’s work. He was holding a package behind his back.

Pepito nodded with a smile. “I was trying to be through” Pepito stepped away from the broom closet and watched Apa examine. He was clearly pleased because he adjusted his glasses with his left hand and smiled to Pepito

“And you were. I'm very impressed.” Apa walked up to Pepito. “And it makes me even more confident in my decision.”

“What decision?” Pepito asked, looking at Pepito’s reflection in Apa’s glasses to maintain eye contact. Just the way he had taught.

“Well you've been my assistant for almost 10 years now. You'll be turning 16 soon. So I thought it was time, and Cucurucho agreed, you move into the position of my scientific apprentice” Doied showed Pepito the package from behind his back.

It was a lab coat, Perfectly folded in a clear zipped bag. “App. Pepito” was stitched just above the left breast pocket. Just the same way “Sci. Doied” was stitched over Apa’s. Pepito’s hands shook as Pepito reached up to take it.

Pepito hesitated. “I don't- I'm not sure I'm smart enough-”

Apa chuckled “you'll be pleanty smart. You take my notes flawlessly. You ask good questions. It is a failing time couldn't be allocated to properly teach you sooner. You'll learn. You can recite every fact from your bunny books and have made inferences off of that. You have potential. It's time you used it.”

Pepito smiled wide and took the coat. “Thank you…. Thank you! THANK YOU!” Pepito Hugged Apa and hugged tight before going over to Pepito’s desk with the coat “I promise I'm going to make you so proud!”

“I know you will” Apa called as Pepito opened the bag and pulled out the coat pulling it on and grabbing Pepito’s access tag to pin to one of the lapels. Pepito looked to Apa.

Doied was smiling at the Rat like he won a bet before looking to Pepito and the look softened some. “It suits you. Do you want to look in the mirror?”

Pepito nodded and ran into the bathroom to look. It was probably a little big. The creases were placed weird because of how it had been folded… but Pepito was looking in the mirror and saw someone Apa would be proud of always.

Soon Apa was in the bathroom too walking to be in the reflection by Pepito’s side. Father and child. Scientist and apprentice. Pepito really did look like Doied. Pepito had just reached his hight. Pepito’s skin, Pepito had seen photos of once being tan was now pale and all Pepito’s freckles had disappeared without the sun, replaced by irregular acne scars. Pepito’s glasses sat on Pepito’s nose just the same as Doied although Pepito’s frames were circles and Doied’s were rectangular. And now their lab coats matched.

Apa’s arm went around Pepito and pulled Pepito in close.

“You're the best thing the federation let me keep.” Doied hummed and he looked down in the reflection to where Pepito clipped the access pass “we’ll have to update your access pass now that you’re an official… but first let's get us breakfast. We have a long day ahead of us”

Doied let go and walked out. Pepito followed.

Pepito knows that Pepito is not very smart. but Pepito also knows that Apa is one of the federation’s brightest minds and Pepito will do anything he says.

So if Apa says to apply yourself, Pepito will.

And Pepito will be smart.

Thank you for reading!!!! Please let me know your thoughts

@which-qsmp-egg-would [for more egg content] and @lilliana17 [for your extended interest in this au

Let me know if I should ad a tag for warning stuff but I think I'm good for this chapter

[sunkissedchld]

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[bowlofmie]

The Midnight Library. Eugh.

i read this book a few years ago and finished it just thinking "meh" and I rated it 2.5 stars. It wasnt a book a felt strongly about either way, even though i was suicidal myself. For me, a 1 star is a book that actively makes me angry. I just felt like it was shallow, but not really egregious. Now, as a depressed adult and as someone who has lost someone to suicide, it definitely rubs me the wrong way. It comes at suicidality from the perspective of the mainstream outsider, which is weird considering its supposed to be about this suicidal woman's inner world. It completely dismisses a lot of the real world issues that suicidal people face, like struggling to get care, dismissal of your experiences, and outside treatment causing you to feel a certain way. It feels like the author has absolutely no experience in being in this state and being around mentally ill people. Having one long and meaningful conversation with someone who is chronically suicidal could have sent this book in a different direction, but at the same time, Haig seems unwilling to delve further into nuanced topics and face his own bias head on, so maybe not.

At no point did I feel like I was getting a new insight from this book. When I hear someone talk about life who is more than double my age, I feel like at the very least I should get that. If this book had been willing to look at suicidality within the context of society, and looked at the demographics of people who commit suicide and why, and then create a fictional story out of that, I could see there being something there, but it would have to come from someone else. Haig has too much underlying misogyny as is, and this book avoids minorities in a way that feels like he knows he wouldn't be able to write about them with grace.

As for the message of this book, sometimes you just make bad choices and that's okay and you need to love yourself or at least care for yourself through it, instead of convincing yourself that the choices you made were the right ones after all. Maybe things would be better if you were a successful swimmer or rockstar! But that doesn't change the fact that the life you lead is the only one you lead. You can change your life at any time, but you can't go back. I don't see this idea of getting other tries as being particularly helpful. In infinite possibilities, there is a world where everything is just right, and if you could attempt suicide, visit the library, and just move there, there isn't much reason not to, which is certainly not the message the book is trying to give. It feels like a copout to have each universe have something that makes it a little worse than your base universe. It bothers me.

A lot of suicidal people dont need just a mindset shift, they need a life shift. They need a lot of support. They need intensive care and that includes therapy and medication. In stigmatizing those things further, this book does more harm than good. I wont dismiss that this book has been helpful to some people, but it feels like the people it has helped are not the suicidal people Haig was going for. Instead it's regular people, middle classed and generally priveleged, who have a bit of regret about their life choices. For suicidal people, I dont see this book as having a positive impact. At the very least it didnt for me, and would not for the suicidal people i know and knew personally.

I'm tempted to reread this book so i can have a more recent critique, but i also dont want to put myself through that 🫣 I think I'd rather just read an actually well written and interesting book. When I read this book, it was just a quick weekend read and I was willing to let it pass, because frankly I read a lot of crappy books just to have something easy to read. But I do remember walking by it in a bookstore with my partner around a year ago and saying 'oh I've read that one! it sucked!' so take from that what you will.

[flowering-darkness]

A question for Miss Clio! Is there anything you've been looking forward to lately, or something you've been wanting to share? ^.^ I know you recently had an important day come up, I'd love to hear about that too, if you'd feel comfortable with it!

Clio: "Oh, hi!! How are you? Lots of questions - but I can definitely try and answer them!! Thanks for these!

Hmm.. Actually, I guess they all come together a bit! See- er, yeah, as you mentioned, I always make quite a big deal of this time of year, the end of March. Even this far down the line, it's just.. nice to be here and be proud of how far I've come, you know? Celebrate being who I am - and how I've been able to achieve that as I’ve gotten older. There was one point where I didn’t know if I’d ever get to have this, any of this.. But I’ve been luckier than most, and I’m really, really thankful for that.

When I look back at the way I used to feel.. the way I never used to feel happy about anything I was doing with myself.. I always used to get really attached to the heroes in fairytale stories. The knight in shining armour, riding in to save the princess - or the ordinary boy who suddenly finds out he’s special, and gets thrown into saving the world. I’d try to be them, and wonder how they could always save the day, and never lose hope - and maybe some of that was just ‘cause I was a kid reading kids’ books, but it’s not a bad outlook even though it’s childish, right? When I tried to be that way, and “be like them”, it always felt like I was just acting it out.. but then I realised each one of them was different, and there wasn’t any one way of doing it right. So I had to go with what worked for me - ‘cause my life wasn’t part of a fairytale story. And when I figured out the main thing in the way - as in, when I came out - that went a long way in helping me be more like.. a person I could aspire to, I guess. Someone my younger self would have wanted to grow up to be, if she’d heard of me already. I’m not saying I’m this big hero or anything - just that I want to be someone like that? Someone who helps the people around her and gets to make their days brighter, like the kids from the stories. Can’t exactly be the boy hero when you aren’t a boy, though, can you?

That’s sort of why I’m like this, I guess you could say - why I’ve always put my trust in luck, and why I’ve tried to help the people around me get lucky with what they’re doing. It was honestly purely by chance that I ended up settling on Clover, but.. it actually stems from me finding a spell that was meant to stop flowers from wilting, and remembering I’d managed to find a big patch of clover flowers one day. So I went out there, late at night, and I tried making a ring of them to test out the spell on. And while I was sat there, I thought more about them and what they meant. You might say it’s odd that so much of who I am revolves around something as small as the flower crown I wear through my hair every day.. but there’s a reason why I do that, and why I’ve always worn it since this time all those years ago. It’s so I can show that I want the luck I’ve had to get passed on to others, and maybe remind them if they need it that there’s always a chance things’ll get better for them.

It’s like if you’re stuck in the dark, and you can’t see. You’d need too big of a torch to make it look like daylight again, and no-one carries one ‘round with them that’s that massive. But a small light can be enough to let you figure out where you’re going, and not fall over something - which, in the end, is still enough to be helpful. So, what I’m trying to say is - I like getting to help people out by being myself, and being that little light for them, so they don’t have to go through the same long-winded process that I did. Does that make any sense?

I sort of lost the plot there, but- I hope it worked, for the moment. To go back to your actual questions - yeah, I’ve been looking forward to this whole weekend/start of the week for a while! Each time it comes ‘round again, my friends and I always try to do something together, like going out on the town or having a party - it’s almost like having another birthday in terms of what we do, which is fun. Means I usually spend my actual birthday with my family, so I get the best of both worlds! And when big days come around for my friends as well - whether it’s something like this, or some other anniversary or date that’s really important - I’m always up for making it as big of a thing as I can do, for their sakes. It’s just nice having stuff you can celebrate, you know? Especially when you get to do it with friends.

So, yeah, all in all, that’s been the main thing recently. Just.. looking back on where I was, and being happy I’ve made it to where I am now.

I hope that covers what you were asking, Hope! Sorry I lost the plot of it halfway through, but.. with any luck it’ll still have made some form of sense. I don’t know. It’ll be fine! I don’t mind talking about it, necessarily, it’s just.. hard to know how to word it all, generally speaking. But as long as you got something out of it, that’s the main thing.

Thanks again for stopping by! Have a great day~”

[nabi-unveiled]

BL Challenge 2k24 - Speed Run Edition

I'm super late to this party.

I've read so many of these posts over the last year, and I always have thoughts. But as I just recently took myself off mute, I'm doing a speed run. I plan to do several days at a time although it may vary in how many. I'm also only hitting the days that I really feel like talking about and can make decisions about quickly. Free time is limited. There are shows to watch.

For those interested in the challenge: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

15 Day BL Challenge: Part 1, Days 1-5

Day 1: Fave OG Actor Pairing

Max/Tul. Easy. While I've watched a variety of Asian media for decades at this point, Together with Me (in 2017) was the first Thai BL I watched. That will always put this pair in a special place for me.

Day 2: Fave Rookie Actor Pairing

Oof. Not easy. I have strong thoughts about pairings in general (even stronger if we're talking about the very existence of brand pairings). New pairing would be easier. I'm loving Perth/Santa right now, but neither of them are rookies. I really enjoyed Ben & Jay's portrayal of Sun and Junior in Caged Again, but that wasn't really because of the pairing itself. So with that in mind, I'll go with Jodd/Jeng. They were in Knock Knock Boys and Caged Again - both of which were delightfully unexpected gems for me this year.

Day 3: Side Dish That Should've Been the Main Course

Ai Di and Chen Yi in Kiseki: Dear to Me. Who was the main course? I'm only partially joking. I can remember and have rewatched almost every scene with the sides, but I struggle to remember more than one scene with the mains. Ai Di is up there with Style and Ko Moon Young on my fave characters list. I said this during The Heart Killers discourse yesterday, but it's becoming increasingly obvious that unhinged is my favorite character type.

Day 4: Fave Ship Dynamic

I want you. I need you. I can't BREATHE without you. Potentially toxic, yes. Will I dive head first into a show that delivers this - no doubt.

If it can also deliver kinky + D/s dynamics, even better. While I enjoy soft couples like ThamePo (because they do need each other), I prefer it with a dose of manhandling. See Your Love did an amazing job of that combo. Almost all of my fave ships have some level of power play. Bonus points if one is tsundere. Double bonus points if one is an insecure, socially awkward, or repressed marshmallow. There's a reason I'm all over The Heart Killers and the YothaGun situationship right now.

Day 5: Biggest Flop

Hidamari ga Kikoeru. Recency bias and just personal disappointment is in play here. I've read (and own) the manga. I watched the live action movie back in 2017. There's probably bigger flops if I thought back. I've dropped a ton of shows over the years, and there are ones I just generally do. not. enjoy. Ossan's Love coming in clutch on that. But I Hear the Sunspot HAD me. I was gripped. Some of my favorite lines and scenes came from the early episodes of this show. As someone with a (mild to moderate) hearing impairment, I was emotionally involved. So it's painful for me to say, but it didn't stick the landing. This was no spectacular belly flop that is at least entertaining to watch. It just....fizzled. And that might be a bigger crime.

[circular-bircular]

Out of wonder, what made you finally be pro-endo?

I'm anti-endo, but I've been looking more at stuff from endos. I'm still on the fence, but if you're okay with sharing, what kind of stuff convinced you?

Funny enough, I actually started as a pro-endo before shifting stances. I did the whole run of pro-endo to neutral to anti-endo to neutral to pro-endo pipeline.

Originally, I was pro-endo because I was completely misinformed. It's part of why I speak out so often about the misinformation in pro-endo spaces, which I still combat to this day. Then I shifted to anti-endo over the course of multiple years, but I only stayed at that point for about 6 months if I remember correctly.

Eventually, though, I really analyzed what I believed and what I knew. This is what I settled on, after discussions with a LOT of endogenic plurals:

I found that many of them acknowledged this as a very vague, personal identity sort of experience. A surprising amount actually have told me that what they're experiencing is just made up and pretend because they find it fun or relaxing.

Many (all but a small vocal minority I've found) accept and speak out about how endogenic plurality IS very different from DID, and how plurality in of itself is an identity label over an actual condition. This group also acknowledges that DID isn't inherently "plurality," and that plurality is a label you put on yourself.

These aren't just children who are at risk of mistaking DID for endogenic plurality; these are adults who have gone to therapy, have researched DID, and who have been found and have found themselves not fitting that criteria. Moreover, the children I do find in these spaces are willing to learn, because at the end of the day, they're in those spaces to figure themselves out.

When endogenic plurality can be something as simple as, "I can hear my character's voices in my head when I write," it would be ridiculous to say, "That doesn't exist." That's a well recorded phenomenon that people have now put a label to. At the end of the day, being pro-endo just means accepting that the thing exists. If people find that the label benefits them, then that really has nothing to do with me. So, there's no harm in being pro-endo and saying, "Hey, you know your brain better than I do, if you find it helpful to say that's plurality, then you do you."

At the end of the day, it doesn't impact me so greatly that it matters more than my trauma recovery, or my career, or my writing, or literally anything. Endogenic plurality does impact my life, don't get me wrong -- it's just that, by and large, so many other things matter so much more than what a small subsect of the human race labels themselves at. I have better windmills to tilt at, yknow?

I'll also add on, a large part of why I join so many "plural" servers, despite not really vibing with the plurality label most of the time, is to help spread information. Given the state of syscourse and the state of DID vs. Endogenic v. Plural, whatever have you -- a lot of echo chambers have popped up. A lot of incidental ableism takes place in a lot of places, purposeful or otherwise. By joining these spaces, I can learn more about them (and about how I view myself), but also, I can help share more information or correct issues. In one of my favorite servers, I recently mentioned that an article someone had cited was ableist and explained why, and got to have a very short and lovely conversation of the values of reading these horrible articles to learn more about those sorts of red flags. The potential is there that this wouldn't have happened without my presence.

Hope this helps clarify some! The TL;DR really is, "It hurts absolutely nobody to accept that people view themselves in a different way." I don't have sources to prove that it exists, but that's because it's a subjective experience. I can't "prove" I'm agender -- that's a label I chose for myself, and people accept that I say I am that. Why not accept endogenic systems too?