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nerdiel-has-no-braincells · 1 year ago

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If I Stay

ft: michael kaiser x f!reader

summary: you don’t know how you got into this predicament, taking beating after beating, insult after insult, all for what? for your daughter, who your fiancée loves more than anything. you begin to think back on how you put yourself into this position

cw: aged!up, abusive relationship (not michael & reader), angst, physical and emotional abuse (not michael & reader), please do not read if this will trigger you (for your own safety and mental well being 🫶🏻)

It’s always easy to say that we would never let a significant other treat us badly. It’s so easy to tell ourselves that we respect ourselves too much to allow someone to put us down.

When we’re on the outside, we see toxic relationships and always tell ourselves that we’ll never allow ourselves to be in one until we do become in one. How hard is it to leave when you don’t remember the reason why you originally left?

That’s what you keep asking yourself as you look at your fiancée of 5 years. Why do you stay? Why can’t you bring yourself to leave?

Is it love? Is it because you’re stuck? Is it because you want to make it work? You don’t have an answer to these questions. But when you look at your 2 year old daughter, you can’t help but wish she wouldn’t hear her father yelling at you, calling you every name that had ever existed. You prayed she wouldn’t see the bruises that covered your body, causing you to be forced to wear sweaters even during the hottest seasons because he doesn’t try to leave bruises in easily hidden places.

You prayed so hard every night that your daughter would never allow herself to be in a relationship as toxic as yours.

You shielded your daughter from seeing and hearing the fights that go on in the night. You shed silent tears in order to not wake her from her slumber as you cowered in the corner taking punch after punch.

Your fiancée was a narcissist in the worst way. Not only was everything your fault, you didn’t do anything, you paid for nothing, and you never took care of your daughter even though you were the primary caregiver, everything was in your name, you were the one who had a steady job while your fiancée was once again unable to work due to his “back injury” that he obtained while at work.

He really did though, in the beginning. He went to physical therapy and you were there for him every step of the way until it became months after he had finished his therapy and was cleared to go back to work. Instead, he used it as an excuse to not work, do chores, anything.

Your days include taking care of your daughter, going to work at one of your two jobs, going to your second job, coming home to clean, make dinner, and continue taking care of your daughter. All while your fiancée sat on the couch playing games.

While you were at work, your daughter stayed with your mother, who had been worried for your well being. You never told her what really happens at home, always playing it off as just another silly argument, saying he was going to anger management, and that things were getting better. Your mother knew better, though, but the only thing she could do was love and be there for you. She’s tried to help you; tried to get you to leave, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You tell yourself time and time again that you love him and that’s the reason why you stay. You chose to relish in the good times rather than the bad, even when the bad outweighed the good.

That being said, you were looking forward to the weekend. Your darling baby girl had recently turned 3 and her birthday party was on Saturday. Your best friends, who you considered as family, were coming to spend time with your daughter.

They’ve always expressed their concerns about your fiancée to you, but they choose to love and support you no matter what.

Because you’re paying for everything out of pocket, you had reached out to take a rain check on the party because you didn’t have the money to be able to afford to take everyone swimming. One of your friends, Kathrin, offered to pay for it instead just so that your daughter could spend the day having fun with her cousins and aunts. You were so thankful and had talked to your fiancée about it, to which he agreed to it.

The day of the party, however, you were in the middle of getting your daughter ready for her party by dressing her in her favorite party dress, and your husband had passed by your daughter’s room after just waking up. Stopping, he turned back around and looked at you in anger, causing the hair on your arms and nape to stand. You instinctively turned around and shielded your daughter behind you as you stared at your fiancée, waiting for him to say something as he glowered down at you.

“Tell your little friend that she’s not paying for shit.” He finally speaks. “I don’t fucking accept handouts.”

You stared at him in disbelief.

“It’s not a handout. Kathrin genuinely wants Emma to have fun with her cousins and aunts.” You responded, careful to not raise your voice or change your calm tone. You didn’t want to start an argument but calmly talk it out. Sometimes he’d be in a good mood to talk things out and you were hoping, praying that today was one of those days.

“She’s not paying for anything.” He seethed. Looks like today wasn’t one of those days.

“All she’s trying to do is make me look bad. Tell her she’s not paying for shit.”

You scoffed before you glanced down at your daughter. Giving her a small smile, you tell her to go play with her toys so that she wouldn’t be in the same room as the impending argument that would shortly unfold before looking at your fiancée.

“She’s not making you look bad. Sometimes people need help and it’s ok to accept help. She just genuinely wants to make Emma happy.” You respond. When it came to your daughter’s well-being and happiness, you found your voice.

Your fiancée’s glare never wavered. He didn’t like when you talked back to him, especially when you were attempting to make him look like a fool.

“I know what your friends think about me. You think I’m fucking dumb?!” He shouted, causing you to flinch.

Wrong move.

He immediately reached out and grabbed you by your neck, lifting you up to where your feet barely touched the floor, dangling below. You grabbed onto his wrist, trying to get him to loosen his hold onto you until he threw you against the door causing you to choke in pain.

“I don’t give a fuck if your friends want to talk shit to me but the moment you open your mouth, you bet your stupid ass I’m going to shut you up myself.”

Squeezing his fingers around your throat, you feel your airwaves close and you begin to gasp for breath. Your body’s alarm bells ring and you begin to struggle and scratch at his hands and wrist, trying to loosen his grip on you.

In the corner of your tear filled eyes, you see your daughter in the hall as she sees her father choking you and begins to cry.

The one weakness your fiancée has is his daughter, so when he hears her cries, he immediately drops his guard and looks over at her. Dropping you to the floor, he runs over to her and scoops her up in his arms.

“It’s ok sweetheart, daddy’s got you now.” He soothes as he walks away, leaving you coughing on the floor trying to find your breath.

Damn him. Fucking damn him.

You reach for your phone and send a quick text to your friends that the party was cancelled. When they expressed their worries and asked what happened, you didn’t respond back.

As soon as you caught your breath, you go into the bathroom, turning on the light and looking into the mirror. Forming on your neck were bruises in the shape of your fiancée’s fingers, steadily growing darker as time passed by.

The tears that had formed in your eyes earlier fell and you felt yourself sink onto the floor. Covering your mouth with your hand, you finally let yourself cry.

That night, you gently got out of bed and dressed yourself in clothes that would hide your arms and neck. After your fiancée had calmed down, he apologized for what he did to you and cried asking for your forgiveness, which as always, you forgave him.

After putting your daughter to bed, he came up behind you and began to kiss your neck, apologizing over and over while you cleaned the dishes from dinner.

This happens every time. He would have an outburst, hit you, and then beg your forgiveness when he felt horny. So you ended up forgiving and sleeping with him. Today wasn’t any different and you wanted nothing more than to take your daughter and leave.

But you couldn’t do that to him. He loved his daughter more than anything and despite how horrible he is to you, he’s an amazing and wonderful father. Emma is his entire world and she loves her father very much.

Your friends and family have told you that it wasn’t healthy for her to be raised in an environment where you were being abused. You knew it. But you just couldn’t take her away from him so long as he never laid a hand on her. And a part of you felt like he knew that.

Leaving to go to the convenience store, you thought back on when you were laying underneath your fiancée. He kept whining about how much he wanted another child, a sibling for Emma. You weren’t ready for another child just yet. Not with him at least. So while you took birth control to prevent another pregnancy that would result in you being stuck even more than you already were. Yet another reason that would make you feel the need to stay.

As you entered the convenience store, you bought a pregnancy test and water. You couldn’t bring yourself to take it at home, so you took it in the store restroom. Even with birth control, there was always the chance that you could become pregnant still and while you didn’t experience any symptoms with your daughter, you found yourself becoming nauseated as the days went on, so you were worried. You couldn’t let your fiancée find out because then you’d end up underneath him every night to make sure you would become pregnant. You were thankful that you kept your birth control a secret from him, feigning an illness when you received the implant so you would never be worried. Unfortunate for you that you were.

As you washed your hands in the sink, you thought back to 7 years ago.

You walked along the halls of your high school after school while you waited for your brother, Alexis Ness, to finish practice. He asked for you to wait for him so that the two of you could go home together…after accompanying his friend Michael. You were supposed to stay near the field, but you got bored watching the guys kick a ball around. Or the one man who believed he was better than the rest, even your brother.

Not wanting to watch your brother subject himself to be treated like a dog, you snuck away during a play.

You love your brother, you absolutely do. He was just very protective of you. If anyone thought he was serious about Michael, it was worse with you. He wouldn’t hesitate to threaten any guy who came up to you, good intentions or bad. It made dating hard and you wanted to be able to experience your first boyfriend. Hell, you’d take a first date.

Passing by the classrooms lost in your thoughts, you felt a hand grab your arm and pull you backwards and into a hard body. Looking up behind you, you met the owner of the hand and body, who looked to be a couple of inches taller than your brother and he had an attractive smile.

Letting you go, he stepped back and rubbed the back of his neck while you turned around to face him, keeping silent. You didn’t know who he was but you guessed he had to find a workaround to talk to you since your brother scared away just about every guy in your grade.

“Sorry.” He apologized. “I saw you and didn’t know how else to get your attention without alerting your brother.”

You were right.

“It’s ok.” You responded, giving a smile. “My brother can be scary when he wants to be.”

He laughed and the sound of his laughter made your heart flutter.

“Yeah, he’s never said anything to me, but I’ve heard a lot of stories so I figured my best bet to talk to you was to wait until you were alone. N-Not that I was following you or anything, I was in the faculty office.”

Your smile widened.

“Uh huh. Sure.” You teased.

It felt nice talking to him. While your experience with talking to guys was limited to your brother, this conversation felt easy.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?” He asked.

You glanced over at where the football field was to see if practice was still ongoing. It looked like everyone was starting to disperse causing you to feel nervous. Once Alexis saw that you weren’t around, he was going to lecture you.

Looking back at the man in front of you, you nodded.

“Sure! Sounds fun!” You agreed, taking out your phone and handing it to him so that he could add his number.

As soon as he handed you your phone, it began ringing as if Alexis knew that your phone had been handed off to someone. You immediately answered and waved goodbye before you turned and walked towards the field.

“What��s up Alexi?” You greeted.

“Y/N where are you? I told you to stay near the field. What if someone kidnapped you while you weren’t around?!” Alexis lectured in a panicked voice.

Rolling your eyes, you exited the building only to find your brother running around in a panic while Michael was watching him in amusement. Laughing, you waved to get his attention. Alexis looked at you and ran as quickly as he could, enveloping you in a hug that caused you to groan when he body slammed you. Alexis leaned back and held your cheeks in his hands and it was evident he teared up from worry.

“Alexi, I'm fine. I got bored.” You explained. “So I was in the halls.”

“What if a pervert found you? Like one of the teachers?” Alexis responded with furrowed brows.

A chuckle was heard behind you as Michael appeared, which caused you to furrow your brows and glare at him.

“Let her be, Ness. You can’t ask her to sit there every day and expect her to not be bored.” Michael said, giving you one of his signature smiles, which caused you to roll your eyes.

Alexis dropped his hands and smiled at Michael, his cheeks tinted pink.

“You’re right! I can’t be overprotective all the time, especially during practice when I need to focus on giving you a great pass.”

You inwardly groan.

It was that day that brought you to your current predicament. That guy that was shy and sweet is now your abusive fiancée.

You were aware of his anger problems, especially mixed with his narcissism since back then. But he never laid a hand on you until right before you broke up.

It was a stupid argument that was so stupid you couldn’t even remember what it was about. But whatever it was about caused him to give you one good slap to your face. You held your hand to your cheek and stared at him in disbelief before you broke up with him and ran off.

You were scared Alexis would find out so you avoided going home for a while until you were sure your brother would be in his room.

What you didn’t expect was to run into Michael Kaiser. He had exited a coffee shop and you ended up walking into him because you weren’t paying attention; you just wanted to get away.

His trademark smile formed as soon as he saw you, but it faded just as quickly as it appeared. His brows furrowed and he gently placed his hand on your chin, tilting your head to the side to look at the fresh red mark on your face. Tears threatened to fall as he stayed quiet.

“Please don’t tell Alexi…” You whispered.

“Give me one reason why.” Michael answered sternly. “Or better yet, give me the name of the person who did this to you, liebling.”

Your eyes widened. You had never seen this reaction off of Michael. He had always had a carefree attitude. Looking away from him, you moved his hand away.

“I just know how protective he is of me. It was just a silly argument and even then, I broke up with him.” You bit your bottom lip as the tears formed in your eyes once again.

Michael stared at you not saying a word. It felt suffocating to you and you just wanted to run off. You didn’t even like this man but the simple action of him getting angry on your behalf caused butterflies in your stomach. It felt like an eternity passed before you heard Michael sigh as if he’d come to a conclusion in his head and didn’t like the thought.

“Alright, I won’t tell Ness.” He said.

You looked at Michael, the shock evident on your face. This was something else you didn’t know about him. You were sure he was going to tell your brother. He definitely seemed like the type who would at least hold it over your head.

“In return,” He said, gently taking some of your hair and bringing it to his lips. His usual smile on his face as he looked directly into your eyes.

Oh boy. You were tired of being right.

“Let me treat you today. You need to see how a real man treats a woman.”

Despite the disgust you felt, your cheeks were tinted pink.

Sighing, you recognized your utter defeat. If you didn’t do what he said, he would tell your brother. You would rather deal with him than the wrath of your brother.

“Fine.” You answered in a monotone.

Michael chuckled and winked before letting your hair fall.

“Braves Mädchen.”

It took everything in you to not roll your eyes at his response even when it made your chest tighten. You would never admit he had his charms. He annoyed you to no end.

Michael had successfully distracted you from that day and you were able to move on. Then 3 years ago, your ex came back into the picture.

Because you originally blocked him after that breakup, he couldn’t get in contact with you and as soon as he saw you at random, he got on his knees and apologized.

When you decided to hear him out, he told you after he hit you, he realized his anger was out of control and he went to therapy to better himself. He told you he had changed and missed you.

So you took him back.

And you saw that he did change. His anger was controlled around you and he treated you much better.

Until the day he proposed after your daughter was born.

Sighing at the memory, you picked up the pregnancy test and looked at the results: negative. You felt a wave of relief wash over you, not realizing how much tension your body was holding during those few minutes.

Throwing away the test, you exited the bathroom and rubbed the bridge of your nose before colliding into someone. You really need to pay attention.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” You apologize without looking at the person.

“Liebling?” A familiar voice called out, causing you to immediately look up and find the familiar blonde in front of you.

“Michael?” You breathed.

masterlist | chapter 2 ⤠

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softrozene · 2 years ago

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Comforting Female Reader Who Has Experienced an Assault

Anon asked: Hey honey, I was too shy to ask off of anon... But do you think you could do some HC’s for the boys helping a f!reader who was previously sexually assaulted? I am having a really tough time right now. ( I am handling it all and I have people helping me too) it’s just really weird for me to deal with I guess Thank you sweet Ro!

rdr2 masterlist

I’m sorry to hear that stuff like that is happening to you but if you ever need someone to talk to just to vent or for advice you are always welcome to talk to me since I have experienced past sexual assaults and harassments. It’s always a no-judgment zone when talking to me fyi. Just remember everyone processes it differently but you are not alone and hopefully the people helping you are a strong support system.

I love you anon and I hope these make you feel better.

I chose almost all the males I usually write for because they would all kill/die for the ones they love.

Originally published on February 11, 2020

*Speaking to everyone who reads this: These can be taken as platonic relationships or romantic. Just know I am not romanticizing the issue. There will be solid advice. There will be dumb advice. These are after all my headcanons for how I think they would treat the issue with a fem!reader (I think with a male!reader they would act just a little bit differently. This is a sensitive topic so please read the warnings and just remember you are all loved.

Warnings: Angst, PTSD, fluff, mentions of past sexual assault

Hosea Matthews-

He would hear this from you directly

Would be shocked before he drops everything in order to listen to you

If you don’t wanna talk about it he won’t push you but he will hint that it may make you feel better

If it happened all in the past he would piece together some of your tendencies that relate to the assault, what you tend to avoid and whatnot, and basically, he’ll help you so nothing at the camp will trigger you

If it happened more recently he will try and urge you to tell him who it is so he can sick the boys on them, without your knowledge of course

He’ll just say “It’s been taken care of Sweetheart. No need to worry about it.”

Hosea is the most caring one out of them all and will constantly check up on you, see how you are doing/feeling, will get you whatever you want whenever you want, and more importantly will always put others in their place if he feels they are getting on your nerves or are crossing boundaries

If you do daily talks he’ll always ask if it’s okay to hug you or hold your hand because he wants you to know desperately how much you mean to him and the gang

If he sees you heading down the wrong path, he will pick you up without a doubt. Orders you to take care of yourself and if you don’t listen to him, he will send Arthur and John the most awkward boys in the universe to go and talk you into doing the stuff he told you to do

He’ll do about anything you want in order for you to feel better and get past this traumatic experience

“We can’t change what happened to us. That’s all in the past. However, we can change how it affects us now. How we’ll go on in the future. Turn this into something to make you stronger.”

Dutch Van Der Linde-

Will deadass go on a rampage after learning you’ve been assaulted

All you have to say is that you got hurt by someone- He doesn’t need any details unless you want to fill up the rage he already has

He will hunt down whoever they are no matter where they are with most of the gang by his side, it doesn’t matter how long ago it was, he wants to see that bastard/bitch who did this to you in the ground

“And they will surely be dealt with” literally will be his words- Anyway after they are dealt with will he only focus on you

He’ll be careful with you and probably the most annoying thing he can and will do is, treat you like glass

It doesn’t matter anymore if this was in the past or more recently, he will make sure someone he trusts is by your side and preferably a woman so probably Miss Grimshaw

Eventually, he will realize that he is overdoing it but he will give you one of his speeches saying it’s only because he worries about you

You just gotta be upfront with him, tell him what you need and what you do not need, and he will fix himself after apologizing

Expect a lot more gifts from yours truly

By a lot, I mean a lot

He will make it rain jewelry for you if it means you know how much he cares

Can’t say that about the money though

If it still lingers over you he will without a doubt, try and help you through the process of at least accepting what happened well happened

“Try and focus on the now and make yourself better for the future” Or something along those lines would be his advice

Arthur Morgan-

Is a saint no matter what he says

You would have to tell him face-to-face and rather bluntly that you were assaulted. If you hint at it, he may take a moment before he realizes what you mean

He won’t act fast but he will sit down with you and have a talk with you

Of course, he wants to act, his blood would be boiling at the thought of someone even touching you without your consent but for your sake, he will take a breather and wait until you are done venting to him

He would treat you the same

He wouldn’t necessarily tread lightly on certain topics unless he sees that it makes you uncomfortable and omg if one of the boys dares to mess with you he will be on their ass in a hot second

Basically, he may hover but he won’t realize it since he’s treating you the same way as always

It’s up to you as well to decide the fate of who hurt you

If you want them dead, he’ll go do it in a heartbeat

If you want them beaten, he’ll go do it in a heartbeat

If you want them threatened, he’ll go do it in a heartbeat

If you don’t want anything done, he’ll just keep an eye on you and make sure you are faring well

When he’s not at camp he’ll have Hosea, John, or one of the ladies keep an eye on you

He makes sure that you know you can bother him for anything, he may be grumpy about it but he’ll do it just for you

If you’re having nightmares or just can’t sleep you can sleep on his cot and he’ll stay with you until you do fall asleep

If nothing works to make you feel better you bet your ass he’ll take you with him, on rides to town just to get you out and about

His last resort is letting you see his journal- That’s how you know this boy genuinely cares about you because no one touches the journal

“People are not so kind. But you are. What I’m tryin’ to say is don’t let that bastard/bitch put out your light. I care ‘bout ya.”

Charles Smith-

He would be the most understanding like Hosea

Would make sure that you are in a safe space mentally before he allows you to vent

Will reassure you that you are safe no matter what but he will want to get back at this person

It usually goes against his code for killing but he cares about you and no one deserves to get hurt like that so he will take time out of his day (probably go gather Arthur) and go and kill this person

Whether you wanted that or not he would have convinced you this person would probably have another person to prey on soon enough

Speaking of, he will remind you that you are not a victim but a survivor

He’ll be there for you all the way

If you need some company he’s there for you even if you don’t want to talk

Charles can and will be your rock if you need it

He’ll help pick you up and depending on if it’s okay with you, tell a selective few what happened so they can also help you

It may be cheesy but I can see Charles in this scenario making you say positive things about yourself in order to ward away the negative thoughts

“Repeat after me. I am a strong woman. I am resilient. I am a tiger.”

May or may not be making fun of Mr. Pearson at the last one in order to get you to laugh

Either way, he’ll make sure you to feed you positive lines almost every day

If you need to get out he’ll take you on nature rides and remind you out beautiful the world is despite how cruel the people are

He won’t exactly hover but he will be constantly glancing your way at camp to make sure you are all good

Tells you venting is actually good without needing to hear the advice

I forgot to mention it in the others but, all these males will make sure you know self-defense. They give you tips and tricks with each weapon of their choice that way no one will mess with you again

You can always rely on Charles to give you good advice though. Understands that sometimes you just need someone to rely on so you know you’re not alone

“I know you. You are strong and beautiful. Don’t give anyone the power to doubt yourself. Only you have that power.”

John Marston-

Is fucking awkward when it comes to this kind of thing

He will 100% see red as soon as you tell him and no matter what no one but Arthur, Dutch, and Hosea can stop him from going after the person who hurt you (and those three will join him tbh)

He is not the best to talk to about this so he’s okay if you just need the company

May take you to a saloon and get you a drink or two just to ease you, will not give you more

Honestly, I see John as completely awkward and not knowing what to do for this situation. He’s at a loss and if the problem (the person) has been dealt with wouldn’t know how to help you

He would go ask the girls how to cheer you up or make you feel better, go to Hosea would be a better option and would finally just ask you what you need and how so you don’t get stuck in your PTSD

Though he may understand but not in the way that is relatable. He’ll understand the nightmares and such but he won’t understand if you fear that person because his situations have always been near death

He will desperately try to understand you though

Will send Jack your way if that kid can cheer you up

“Well fuck, y’know I always have your back. Just- I um don’t let ‘em get to you.”

Javier Escuella-

This man would have no idea what to say at first

It’ll take him a minute to register before he asks if he can hug you- mostly to reassure himself that you are physically safe

Once that is done and over he will get straight to business and ask what you need

Murdering the person would cross his mind tbh but he’s too focused on you that he won’t ask till much later

If you need to clear your mind he’ll take you fishing, show you how to fish and have Hosea come along so it’s all positive vibes

He’ll write some songs and lullabies for you and serenade you to show you how much he cares

I honestly think Javi bottles everything up when it comes to himself so he’ll be more than happy to talk to you about your PTSD or share stories and even his own past if he deems it right by you

He would gut whoever you want like a fish for you btw

“Hermosa, you’re strength inspires me”

And it truly does

It takes a lot of guts to admit and accept what’s happened and even more to want to reach out for help

Javier would admire that and remind you whenever you need to hear it

Sean Macguire-

Ahaha if you thought John or Dutch had a short fuse for this- The minute he finds out he’s already spouting nonsense of them meeting their demise

And if you allow it or they are not dead he will surely make them have a terrible death

He would risk getting caught by bounty hunters again if that were the case

As for comforting you, this boy doesn’t exactly know how to do that

He laughs off his own traumatic experience so he’d probably be trying to get you to crack a smile or drink with him

Homeboy would try and get you to kill some bloody people for the fun of it ngl

Hopefully, his energy will rub off on you

I don’t really see him as the sitting down type but if he cares about you he is more than willing to listen to you and also more than willing to give you unwanted advice and a shite ton of his opinions

“Yer fuckin’ priceless. No mutherfucker hassa right to touch ye.”

He will end the speech with something gory I bet

*I was going to add Keiran and Lenny but I ran out of ideas but I hope the lovely lads I did write and their reactions/comfort help anyone who needs it

#softrozene writes #rdr2 x reader #red dead redemption 2 x reader #hosea matthews x reader #dutch van der linde x reader #arthur morgan x reader #charles smith x reader #john marston x reader #javier escuella x reader #sean macguire x reader #angst/comfort

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celestie0 · 1 month ago

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so your insecure about your smut I hear ? if it makes you feel better I still mentally jerk it in memory of the following:

kickoff chapter 6 particularly when reader’s collapsed over the sink and gojos still on his knees behind her just WATCHING and then when their eye fucking eachother in the mirror and readers hand is reached behind to grab the back of his head THATS SO SEXY

the tension in chapter 8 i know there was only a proposition of smut but when it was stripped away I think that’s when I fell in love with the series because the slow burn is just everything - disclaimer I don’t jork it to that I just like the scene

The duration of kickoff chapter 11 couch scene 👌. My stomach does the thing every time, dry humping is elite, and the high school in love-ness between them 😭I’m throwing up

THE IHM SNEAK PEAKS

I refuse to believe you think those are bad as well like tf???? And not just the lazy morning sex that had me bust a load but the death row meal comment??????? Making out while doing calculus in his head so not to get a boner???? And for someone who’s not a fan of dirty talk like babe come on, the way you capture all the different sexy aspects of that sexy man like the vulgarity had me HOT and then his dumbass down bad-ness just UGh the need to put a baby in him right now

anyway that deserved its own paragraph but then obviously there’s works with smut as the actual premise

L&L specifically the bj scene I think you awakened my praise kink with that one - btw will we ever get a part 2 because I’m pretty sure that plan fell through but just letting you know I’m all up for seconds, no pressure if it’s not a part of ur agenda though

Round the clock.

actually hold up let me elaborate on these above two points in my full opinion because I really want you to understand this, the tropes/pairings/dynamics which your brain births are so fucking hot that the smut scene is instantly made good even if it’s not your most proud part of the writing process, this links to the common knowledge which ihm reader preached in the recent chapter- men will get hard to anything - but unfortunately it’s not so easy as a woman, personally that’s why I tend to resort to reading cause there’s nothing more psychologically immersing and of course the point of fanfiction is we’re already in love with our husband gojo so just add a little sexy lore ie. older, boxer, babysitter and babe I’m already halfway there cause of the quality of your ideas and writing, smut is only part of the experience and it’s not necessarily the most important

Last but not least that one domestic drabble you wrote I know it’s kind of a pwp moment but the position wifey reader and toji did it in omg and when he called her a slut and when he had her cockdrunk and babbling and begging for a baby 😫✋

honorable mention because like I said smut isn’t everything: the scene where ihm Gojo is shirtless fixing the kitchen sink and drinking oj from a mug and then when he picked up reader while she’s in a measly silk gown … yeah I jork it to that😔

in conclusion ur smut makes me horny🙂 so I think your sufficiently successful in achieving its primary purpose, please don’t be so hard on yourself and I hope you can learn to find more self satisfaction in these parts of your work where you lack confidence and see it in a better light

<333

ok hi anon im back! lol

first of all thank u sm. some people might think a fanfic author would desire a good dicking down from their favorite fictional character and a blunt shortly thereafter. but no. THIS is all a fanfic author truly wants.

HAHAH no but in serious you’re so sweet to point outtt these little details i could sob :”) i was cheesing so hard in the morning when i read it haha!!

i always forget the kickoff ch6 party bathroom scene happened xd sometimes i get thrown into a state of shock when i remember i wrote it. and that’s the thing!! i was so excited n giddy to write it bc it was back when i didnt think too hard about my writing haha. somewhere along the line i just became so self conscious ab smut :( but anywho yes the couch scene in kickoff ch11 had me screaming while i was writing it i was so excited to eventually post it so i’m so happy you enjoyed ittt aaa :”)

STOP bc i have SO much smut planned for ihm 😭😭 ranging from borderline crack smut to passionate lovemaking loool i can’t wait to get to those parts of the series but ouf yea them insecurities be haaaaard. i think i just don’t see a lot of representation of the kind of smut i like to write in the fandom very much so it gets me second guessing 🥲 like idk i like dirty talk but it has to be kinda on the nose?? like the whole part where ihm gojo says the thing ab doing calculus in his head so he doesnt get a hard-on 😂😂 like idk it’s so cute n hot to me in my head but it’s kinda niche to my preferences haha

sorry i’m rambling but like ugh same w the morning sex scene i wanna get to that part sooo bad but i just hope i don’t second guess that scene once i get to it 😩😩 bc oh my the way my coochie was clenching the whole time while writing it LOL i sob

aw yeahh i was supposed to do a pt2 for l&l but hmm i kinda got bored of the concept. it was my first major oneshot smut n like aaa i like it but :0 i think it does stand good alone as just one part

thanks my dear :”) i agree i think…well, i have a hard time giving myself credit for anything usually haha, but i do think that the character dynamics i created outside of i guess the smutty stuff rlly helps? i guess its kinda like a buffer when i get into writing smut bc im like oh yknow even if this isnt the hottest thing my readers have read i hope that they enjoy it bc they like my versions of gojo xd so you’re so sweet for validating me on that HAHAHA

also stooooop i love that scene in ihm. the one where he picks her up effortlessly while she’s on all fours in her grandma nightgown on the floor 🤣🤣 idk if this is so hyperspecifically arousing but like the thought of sporty muscular gojo having just come back from a run n he’s manhandling vintage silk nightgown-wearing reader while she’s has barely awoken from sleep is so cute n silly n hot to me. sorry it sounds like im jerking myself off here but i just love ihm gojo sm honestly i would like to fuck him until his balls look like raisins :/

anywhooo you’re too sweet. like seriously. and i saw your follow up ask, an hour?? imma sob. i’m saving the link for this ask to look back on whenever i feel bad ab my smut writing abilities!! or just writing in general. i fear u may have saved me anon LOL i haven’t felt this excited to write smut in a while! i appreciate you :)) much love!

#lovely support #asks #in holy matriphony #around the clock #kickoff #luxury & lingerie

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tomorrowxtogether · 9 months ago

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Music BEOMGYU listens to, sings and writes

The TOMORROW X TOGETHER member shares his views on the power of music

Having grown up with music around him, BEOMGYU has since become an artist himself and takes on the role of DJ on his Weverse radio show, Beom’edio, to discuss his musical thoughts, feelings, and tastes with his listeners. You can tell how serious he takes music by how he carefully combs through lyrics to pick out songs that perfectly reflect the stories he hears from fans. BEOMGYU’s already been an idol for five years, but he’s still passionately exploring his musical side, looking to get better at playing guitar and writing songs. He lights up when he talks about the power of music, and wants to be the one to show people just how powerful it can be. As you’ll see below, BEOMGYU’s musical world keeps on growing up and outward.

A friendly, chill time with the host of Beom’edio BEOMGYU: Hosting a radio show was always a small dream of mine. I wanted to hear stories from listeners and give me thoughts on them, talk about my own experiences—just chill like that. I was on a number of radio shows after debuting, both as a one-time guest and over a few episodes, and that led to me setting myself a goal to have my own radio show some day. I don’t put in a huge about of prep for the broadcast—just get excited thinking about the stories I’ll get to hear and think about what I should tell them. I’ve seen MOA worry about me before, like, Is something wrong with BEOMGYU today? He looks a little down today. But it’s not like that—never. (laughs) I’m always pretty quiet when I’m not working on camera and even more so when the other members aren’t around. I keep reminding the fans that keeping things chill and low-key works nicely for me.

Choosing songs for MOA after a long, hard day BEOMGYU: I read people’s stories, look up lines from songs that have made me feel better in the past, and try to pick out the song that matches best to play. I recommend these songs to MOA after they’ve had a long, hard day in hopes that it’ll be a good way to bring it to a close. Sometimes just a single little song can be a huge source of relief after a really tough day, you know? And I really love hearing people talk about their lives. When I recorded the third episode of Beom’edio for my birthday, there were a lot of stories about birthday traditions I forgot about but that I’m sure I used to do, like eating seaweed soup. And I remember there was someone who talked about how they turned things around and wrote their parents a letter on their own birthday and their mom cried while reading it. I learn things from reading MOA’s stories and get wrapped up in their emotions, which I feel like gives me more emotional depth.

The feel-good beauty of comforting indie music BEOMGYU: When I was a trainee, I listened to “Photograph” by offonoff a lot, and practiced singing it, too. I would listen to it at night when I was alone and that helped calm me down. I really loved that. That’s when I started really getting into indie music. I still listen to it today. To me, indie music feels like it’s either really poetic or really straightforward. When I’m listening to music, or when I’m writing my own lyrics, I like a song where the words alone can make you feel better, even without any melody. A lot of the songs that gave me support when I felt anxious or down were indie songs, so I listened to a lot of them. That’s why I play indie music for MOA so often on Beom’edio.

Heo Hoy Kyung’s cover of “Anti-Romantic” BEOMGYU: I said on Beom’edio before how “I think the power of music is amazing.” When I experience emotional uncertainty, I really rely on the power of music. It can be especially tough being in unfamiliar places when traveling abroad. So, before I get on a plane or go up on stage, I need some alone time. And in times like that, I always listen to Heo Hoy Kyung. I was so happy when I saw recently that Heo Hoy Kyung sang a TOMORROW X TOGETHER song on Lee Hyori’s Red Carpet and talked about me. (laughs) She sang “Anti-Romantic,” and that song means a lot to me because I worked really hard on the lyrics and I feel emotional whenever I perform it. I was with my parents when she covered it, and I kept bragging and showing it to them. I listened to her cover on repeat until I fell asleep. (laughs) If I ever get to cover one of her songs, I’d like to try doing “So life goes on”!

Songs that bring BEOMGYU back to a special time BEOMGYU: My taste in music is heavily influenced by what I listened to with my dad when I was young—listening to ABBA songs like “Dancing Queen” and “I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do” early in the morning, or “Piano Man” by Billy Joel. Even now, whenever I listen to ABBA, I still picture waking up at three or four in the morning with my dad and driving to Taebaek. And my mom used to play IU’s album A Flower Bookmark on a speaker every morning. Whenever I hear songs from that album, I think about the times I woke up rubbing my eyes. That’s part of the reason why I bought a copy on vinyl. Sure, you can just listen to music, but it also makes memories last longer, you know? It makes them memorable. That’s what makes music so special.

BEOMGYU’s approach to songwriting BEOMGYU: When I write a song, I always, always, always draw on personal experience. When I go to write a song, if I can look at what it’s about and relate to it and go, I’ve thought that before, or, I’ve dealt with this before, then I can get really into writing about it, but I don’t really write about things I haven’t personally experienced. I don’t feel really confident about writing about emotions I haven’t personally felt. Everyone has their own approach to writing songs; this is just the style that’s worked for me so far. I don’t sit down to write songs—I’ll just be walking along or washing my hands in the bathroom when suddenly an idea hits me and I make a quick note on my phone or hum the melody and record it. I try to take my thoughts and feelings about my experiences and turn them into songs.

What BEOMGYU wants to preserve through his music BEOMGYU: It feels like lots of people are so busy living their lives that they completely miss out on the things right in front of them. Even me: Until just recently, I was so involved in the things I’m working on that I never properly got in touch with my parents or with my friends. But then, this year, I realized something. I’ve been in Seoul for something like seven or eight years now, and I feel like I’m missing out on so much. I need to look around myself more and take better care of the people around me. There’s a song by LANY about parents called “if this is the last time.” We always think of our moms and dads as these strong superheroes who always win in the end, but at some point you realize they’re getting older. I go down to Daegu once a year to see my parents, and every time I do and I see they’ve gotten a bit older, it really hurts to think about—because, even though everybody gets older, I wasn’t there to watch it happen and I couldn’t pay enough attention. And I want to preserve this realization I made earlier this year by writing a song about it.

A growing appreciation for “Skipping Stones” BEOMGYU: In a previous Weverse Magazine interview, I mentioned that “Skipping Stones” really lets me show off my vocals, but to be honest, I wasn’t confident about that from the start. When I heard we were going to have an indie song, I had no idea it was going to sound like that. It felt all new. It didn’t sound like what I’m used to hearing from indie. But SOOBIN absolutely loved it. That’s when I realized how many different styles there are within indie, and over time, I really came to love it. And it sounded even better with our vocals. My vocal parts were higher than I usually sing, and it feels like the way I pushed myself to sing it actually brings out the emotion better. It doesn’t normally feel so emotional if the singer can effortlessly hit those high notes. (laughs)

Songwriting always begins with a guitar BEOMGYU: Guitar is one of those things I can never leave out of my music. And actually, every time I write a song, it always begins with the guitar. I honestly think songs without guitar in them feel flat. (laughs) There’s something comforting about an acoustic guitar—and electric guitars make you feel energetic. I’m still looking into guitar lessons, too. I’d love to keep taking lessons, but it’s hard to find time with all the promoting and touring, unfortunately. But I fell even more for the electric guitar while practicing the song “Wonder” for the latest concert. Learning to play electric guitar better would vastly widen the spectrum of music I could write, not to mention my ability to express those things on stage. I want to get better so that I have more to offer. Practicing guitar empties my head of distraction and instead fills it up with determination. (laughs) Like, I gotta do this.

Packing five years into minisode 3: TOMORROW BEOMGYU: Preparing for this comeback was the busiest we’ve ever been, without question. (laughs) All I was thinking about while recording the vocals was, I really have to do a good job here. I just thought, the better I do it, the better the message gets across. “Quarter Life” was the song off the album that most closely aligned with my tastes at first, but now I’m loving “Miracle” the most. “Quarter Life” is a unit track with Kai, TAEHYUN, and me, all of who love the sound of rock music, so we were extremely excited to try something like this. I actually thought about doing rock music with Kai all the time, and I wanted to do it with TAEHYUN too because he has such an amazing voice with a wide vocal range.

Shared tastes in music among the group members BEOMGYU: SOOBIN likes indie music, too, so he recommends a lot of songs to me. He’ll send me, like, three songs and then two days later come ask me, “Did you listen?!” But the truth is, I don’t always check them out right away. (laughs) If I say, “No yet,” he pushes me, like, “Just listen already! Listen to them right now!” (laughs) SOOBIN’s really broadened my taste in indie. Sometimes when I’m with him and see how he listens to music, I think, Wow—this guy really loves his indie. Of all the songs he’s sent me, my favorite was Kim Hyunchang’s song “Nothing but Morning,” which I talked about on Beom’edio. I think Kai and I click musically too. Both of us used to play instruments and we love rock music.

Speaking up through indie music BEOMGYU: I’ve mentioned before that I have a personal goal where “I hope I can engage in indie music in the future.” While I do work on and put a lot of thought into TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s music, I’m also constantly thinking about what my music is like. So, when I have a little more time and my skill levels improve a bit, I want to think about what kind of music it is I truly want to do and try to write my own music. Learning guitar is another part of that dream. Those songs you hear where they play the guitar and softly, softly sing about the things they want to say, and they make you feel good? That’s the kind of music I want to make. Music that says what I want to say.

#txt #tomorrow x together #240408 #weverse magazine #beomgyu #choi beomgyu #weverse

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demonqueenart · 6 months ago

Note

Thank you for answering, I really appreciate it <3 I remember when people were speaking up about these issues a few years ago and many people in the phandom either shut them down or ignored them, and while I’m sure there’s still a lot of that going on even now, I’m really glad that we’ve reached a far more open and understanding point where it’s okay to talk about this stuff now. You and blogs like yours are doing a really good job putting yourselves out there, and we really are striving for a more inclusive community, because we all deserve it!!

Per the subtitle thing, I did some more research and went back to their recent videos, and it seems that while the majority of them do have proper subtitles, I think DnP don’t tend to upload their videos with proper subtitles on them at first, and instead do the subs afterwards and then add them when they’re finished, because the most recent video still has auto-generated subs on it.

While I am thankful that they do put on proper subs, since far too many YouTubers (some even bigger than them) don’t even bother, I believe they should make sure that the subs are there when they upload their videos; since I usually wait a few days to watch new videos, I didn’t notice the time-gap between auto-generated and proper subtitles, so that was my mistake! I appreciate their captioning, but D/deaf people, HoH people and people with sensory processing issues shouldn’t have to wait for accessibility, so I do think they have the capacity to do better in that regards. I’m not an expert on how captioning works on YouTube, so I don’t know how long it takes for captions to be made, but overall I think there’s definitely room for improvement.

That’s my opinion, though, as someone who uses subtitles, but obviously someone else may see this completely differently!

Absolutely! People should be able to enjoy an upload right then! I imagine it’s disheartening that someone would have to wait for a subtitle to be in a video while others have already watched and geeked about the whole thing. That must have made people feel excluded from this community in some way. I hope they’ll hire professionals for subtitles in the future, or find other ways to make people able to enjoy an upload right then! (It’s still very nice of them to use subtitles in their video early on tho. I think it’s something that people can overlook so easily, I’m glad this is not what they do :) )

Also, if anyone wants to share their pov about this, I would love to hear them. The more pov, the better!

[ID/ a banner with light blue sparkly background; the disability pride flag slides in from the left and darker blue text pops in reading "Make some noise for Disability Pride Month!!" /end ID]

Banner by dapg-otmebytheballs

Auto-message: This ask’s purpose is to acknowledge dnp’s past/present exclusivity, not to cancel them! But to embrace mistakes that they’ve made so that 1. we won’t exclude people in need in this community, and 2. we can normalize bringing up exclusivity so that improvement can happen. Hopefully this will one day help dnp realize that this is a safe space for them to talk about their mistakes, so that this space can become safe for people of all kinds too <3

*If you don’t understand what is happening, scroll through my blog for context. And I’ll be taking time to answer my asks, so don’t think I’m ignoring youuu*

#Dan howell #Phil lester #dan and phil #terrible influence tour #phan #phandom #inclusive

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ghost-likes-drawing · 2 months ago

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Perfect Assistant

A Pilot Chapter/Chapter 1 for a Fic I'm maybe writing

Word count: 1540

Also in this universe < Nacho

---------

If there is one fact Pepito knows about Pepito it's this:

Pepito is not very smart.

But that's fine by Pepito. Because Pepito’s Apa says that for Pepito’s job being smart is not all that important. What is more important is that Pepito can follow instructions and do as Pepito is told.

And Pepito is very good at both of those things.

Pepito has gotten so good at the flawless execution of Apa’s instructions that Pepito some mornings wakes up to find a list on Pepito’s desk with all the things Apa wants Pepito to do for him and when he will be back to collect Pepito for breakfast.

This is one of those mornings.

Pepito woke up in Pepito’s cubby from a dream Pepito can't remember. Same as every morning for as long as Pepito could remember. Pepito gives Pepito’s bunny stuffie a squeeze, worn with over a decade of love. Pepito hides it under the pillow incase one of the rabbits does a surprise inspection again and puts on Pepito’s glasses. Pepito gets out of the cubby, makes the bed. Pepito knows if Apa was here Pepito would have heard him by now so Pepito checks the desk.

A list.

Pepito opens the bottom drawer in Pepito’s desk to get clothes and goes to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Pepito changes and puts Pepito’s pajamas in the dirty clothes basket. Pepito opens Pepito’s pill counter and pulls out this morning's pill…. or half a pill. Today’s half has the smile on it.

Apa says Pepito doesn't need more than half. So each week Apa helps Pepito half the Pills and every other day he gets the half with the smile and on the off days he gets the half with the plus.

Pepito takes the pill and brushes Pepito’s teeth before examining them. They’ll fall out again soon. Pepito realizes and sighs. Pepito doesn't want to get new teeth filled down again. But Pepito can't have teeth that are to sharp so Pepito won't complain.

When Pepito has checked everything is put away Pepito goes back to Pepito’s desk and reads the checklist

- Insure all personal items are put away (mine and yours)

- Organize machine parts

- Organize chemical supplies

- Wipe down tables

- Sweep

- Mop.

Will collect you for breakfast at 9:30

Pepito smiles. Easy. Pepito checks the clock 7:30. 2 hours. That's plenty of time.

And it was because Pepito finished at 9 leaving 30 minutes and nothing to do. So Pepito did what Pepito usually did when there was extra time and Pepito shouldn't pull out new items. Talk to the rat.

Pepito pulled over Pepito’s chair and smiled as the Rat poked its head up to look at Pepito.

Pepito had picked up the habit from Apa who would talk to the rat when he thought Pepito wasn't paying attention. When Pepito asked Apa said that he couldn't write down how he felt. Someone might find it. He couldn't speak to loudly to the room or the cameras would pick it up. Couldn't tell a person they might tell a higher up. But the Rat couldn't tell anyone. So he would tell the rat.

Pepito did Pepito’s best not to listen to Apa talk to the rat but on a really good day Pepito could hear Apa tell the rat what a wonderful child Pepito was. How much the rat must wish it had a child as wonderful as Pepito. But the rat couldn't because it was a Stupid Rat. Then Apa would laugh so hard he'd fall out of his chair.

Pepito smiled to the rat and began to whisper “Hello again Hermano” Pepito didn't name the rat. if Pepito had the rat would have a better name. “I hope you're doing well. I’m doing well. We had pudding after dinner yesterday. oh Nacho is getting real jobs recently so they aren't stopping by the lab as much to make me hang out. When we do hang out they still keep sitting way to close though.”

The rat uncurled itself to look more at Pepito.

“I wish I could make them stop without geting me and Apa in trouble… I don't know why it has to be me… there has got to be someone else Nacho can hang with. Someone I dont know because im always in the lab.” Pepito frowns “I already got in trouble last month for correcting Nacho. I don't know why I did that either I know I'm not supposed to actually participate when in conversation with it, Im supposed to just respond slightly to let Nacho keep going.”

The rat moved closer to the glass, gently bumping its head against it.

Pepito smiles and presses a finger against the glass where the rat put its head.

Pepito continues the one sided conversation with the rat. talking about the most recent book Pepito read and the most recent experiments Pepito was helping on. Although helping was a strong word. Pepito was only allowed to take notes and sometimes hold materials. Pepito heard steps walking to the door and got up, putting away the seat as the rat scrambled to get away from the glass.

Pepito went to where the Mop was kept and as the door opened pretended to put that away.

“Just finishing up?” Apa asked looking around the room to examine Pepito’s work. He was holding a package behind his back.

Pepito nodded with a smile. “I was trying to be through” Pepito stepped away from the broom closet and watched Apa examine. He was clearly pleased because he adjusted his glasses with his left hand and smiled to Pepito

“And you were. I'm very impressed.” Apa walked up to Pepito. “And it makes me even more confident in my decision.”

“What decision?” Pepito asked, looking at Pepito’s reflection in Apa’s glasses to maintain eye contact. Just the way he had taught.

“Well you've been my assistant for almost 10 years now. You'll be turning 16 soon. So I thought it was time, and Cucurucho agreed, you move into the position of my scientific apprentice” Doied showed Pepito the package from behind his back.

It was a lab coat, Perfectly folded in a clear zipped bag. “App. Pepito” was stitched just above the left breast pocket. Just the same way “Sci. Doied” was stitched over Apa’s. Pepito’s hands shook as Pepito reached up to take it.

Pepito hesitated. “I don't- I'm not sure I'm smart enough-”

Apa chuckled “you'll be pleanty smart. You take my notes flawlessly. You ask good questions. It is a failing time couldn't be allocated to properly teach you sooner. You'll learn. You can recite every fact from your bunny books and have made inferences off of that. You have potential. It's time you used it.”

Pepito smiled wide and took the coat. “Thank you…. Thank you! THANK YOU!” Pepito Hugged Apa and hugged tight before going over to Pepito’s desk with the coat “I promise I'm going to make you so proud!”

“I know you will” Apa called as Pepito opened the bag and pulled out the coat pulling it on and grabbing Pepito’s access tag to pin to one of the lapels. Pepito looked to Apa.

Doied was smiling at the Rat like he won a bet before looking to Pepito and the look softened some. “It suits you. Do you want to look in the mirror?”

Pepito nodded and ran into the bathroom to look. It was probably a little big. The creases were placed weird because of how it had been folded… but Pepito was looking in the mirror and saw someone Apa would be proud of always.

Soon Apa was in the bathroom too walking to be in the reflection by Pepito’s side. Father and child. Scientist and apprentice. Pepito really did look like Doied. Pepito had just reached his hight. Pepito’s skin, Pepito had seen photos of once being tan was now pale and all Pepito’s freckles had disappeared without the sun, replaced by irregular acne scars. Pepito’s glasses sat on Pepito’s nose just the same as Doied although Pepito’s frames were circles and Doied’s were rectangular. And now their lab coats matched.

Apa’s arm went around Pepito and pulled Pepito in close.

“You're the best thing the federation let me keep.” Doied hummed and he looked down in the reflection to where Pepito clipped the access pass “we’ll have to update your access pass now that you’re an official… but first let's get us breakfast. We have a long day ahead of us”

Doied let go and walked out. Pepito followed.

Pepito knows that Pepito is not very smart. but Pepito also knows that Apa is one of the federation’s brightest minds and Pepito will do anything he says.

So if Apa says to apply yourself, Pepito will.

And Pepito will be smart.

Thank you for reading!!!! Please let me know your thoughts

@which-qsmp-egg-would [for more egg content] and @lilliana17 [for your extended interest in this au

Let me know if I should ad a tag for warning stuff but I think I'm good for this chapter

#qsmp #qsmp pepito #qsmp Doied #qsmp fanfic #qsmp roier #qsmp eggs #qsmp fanfiction #App. Pepito

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sunkissedchld · 1 year ago

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this is a traditional zodiac spread reading. a minimum pull of fourteen cards that details what’s currently happening in each “house” of your life and what you may need to change, reckon with, or be excited about. based on the houses of an astrological chart, this reading goes over your current approach to life and how people see you, incoming money and work expectations, the state of your mind, family, love life, possible projects or activities, and more.

𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 ☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ congratulations for being born as you ⟢ $33.33

a kind of solar return tarot reading where you can discover what the next year holds in store for you. you can choose where the spread starts: new years’ or your birthday.

𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 ☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ the cards will tell the past, the present, and the future as well ⟢ $17.77

this is a predictive tarot reading describing possible people and/or things coming towards you. reading also details why things may happen and what you can do to combat things or to have a good or better experience with them. also details what you will learn as a result.

𝒊 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 ☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ the fame and the fortune and more ⟢ $77.77

a fame reading based on this pick a card. this reading details what you would be famous for, what kind of content you would make, how fans, the general public, and the industry would view you and includes a moodboard to help you visualize your life as a celebrity. this reading also includes a question of your choice relating to what it would be like if you were famous.

𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆 ☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ are we just friends? are we just lovers? tell me if it’s cool if you see me with another ⟢ $17.77

wondering how someone feels about you? this reading looks into that exact question by using tarot to determine what someone thinks of you and how they currently feel about you (i promise those are two different things!).

𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 ☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ there’s nothing like self-love ⟢ $22.22

feeling down on yourself? this reading dives into what about yourself you should be celebrating and appreciating that you may downplay or not notice. focusing on both physical and internal beauty, this is also a reading of advice on how you can better connect to yourself and feel more confident.

𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒐𝒑 ☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ finally, you put my love on top ⟢ $88.88

a basic future spouse reading that details a description of your future spouse (personality, appearance), your first meeting, first impressions, why they choose to be in relationship with you, and relationship dynamics. this reading also includes a question of your choice relating to anything you’d want to know about your future spouse.

𝒍𝒆𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒅 ☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ baby, let’s get married ⟢ $152.22

this is a deluxe future spouse reading that builds upon the general. this reading answers the same questions of the basic future spouse reading and also answers the proposal, wedding, honeymoon, relationship with in-laws, possible relationship struggles, and sex life. this reading also includes two questions of your choice relating to your future spouse.

you must be 18+ to purchase this reading.

message for booking if paying via cashapp or venmo or book via ko-fi.

also message if curious about natal chart readings.

#tarot #oracle #pick a card #PAC #tarotblr #sunkissedchld #masterlist #masterlists #paid reading #paid readings

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circular-bircular · 11 months ago

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Out of wonder, what made you finally be pro-endo?

I'm anti-endo, but I've been looking more at stuff from endos. I'm still on the fence, but if you're okay with sharing, what kind of stuff convinced you?

Funny enough, I actually started as a pro-endo before shifting stances. I did the whole run of pro-endo to neutral to anti-endo to neutral to pro-endo pipeline.

Originally, I was pro-endo because I was completely misinformed. It's part of why I speak out so often about the misinformation in pro-endo spaces, which I still combat to this day. Then I shifted to anti-endo over the course of multiple years, but I only stayed at that point for about 6 months if I remember correctly.

Eventually, though, I really analyzed what I believed and what I knew. This is what I settled on, after discussions with a LOT of endogenic plurals:

I found that many of them acknowledged this as a very vague, personal identity sort of experience. A surprising amount actually have told me that what they're experiencing is just made up and pretend because they find it fun or relaxing.

Many (all but a small vocal minority I've found) accept and speak out about how endogenic plurality IS very different from DID, and how plurality in of itself is an identity label over an actual condition. This group also acknowledges that DID isn't inherently "plurality," and that plurality is a label you put on yourself.

These aren't just children who are at risk of mistaking DID for endogenic plurality; these are adults who have gone to therapy, have researched DID, and who have been found and have found themselves not fitting that criteria. Moreover, the children I do find in these spaces are willing to learn, because at the end of the day, they're in those spaces to figure themselves out.

When endogenic plurality can be something as simple as, "I can hear my character's voices in my head when I write," it would be ridiculous to say, "That doesn't exist." That's a well recorded phenomenon that people have now put a label to. At the end of the day, being pro-endo just means accepting that the thing exists. If people find that the label benefits them, then that really has nothing to do with me. So, there's no harm in being pro-endo and saying, "Hey, you know your brain better than I do, if you find it helpful to say that's plurality, then you do you."

At the end of the day, it doesn't impact me so greatly that it matters more than my trauma recovery, or my career, or my writing, or literally anything. Endogenic plurality does impact my life, don't get me wrong -- it's just that, by and large, so many other things matter so much more than what a small subsect of the human race labels themselves at. I have better windmills to tilt at, yknow?

I'll also add on, a large part of why I join so many "plural" servers, despite not really vibing with the plurality label most of the time, is to help spread information. Given the state of syscourse and the state of DID vs. Endogenic v. Plural, whatever have you -- a lot of echo chambers have popped up. A lot of incidental ableism takes place in a lot of places, purposeful or otherwise. By joining these spaces, I can learn more about them (and about how I view myself), but also, I can help share more information or correct issues. In one of my favorite servers, I recently mentioned that an article someone had cited was ableist and explained why, and got to have a very short and lovely conversation of the values of reading these horrible articles to learn more about those sorts of red flags. The potential is there that this wouldn't have happened without my presence.

Hope this helps clarify some! The TL;DR really is, "It hurts absolutely nobody to accept that people view themselves in a different way." I don't have sources to prove that it exists, but that's because it's a subjective experience. I can't "prove" I'm agender -- that's a label I chose for myself, and people accept that I say I am that. Why not accept endogenic systems too?

#syscourse #lilac bound hauntings #anon #asks

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 2 years ago

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I think about Tim McGraw (the song) a lot. I remember when that song first hit country radio, and it made me a fan right away. And I've always thought it was a great song. I go back to it regularly and am sad by how underappreciated it is as a fandom. But seeing it in the context of the eras tour has shifted my view of it. I don't think I ever fully appreciated how powerful those opening lines are as an introduction to Taylor's career. "He said the way my blue eyes shined/put those Georgia stars to shame that night/I said that's a lie" tells us so much about who Taylor was, is, and intended to be as an artist. It's honestly mind-boggling that so much of her career is predicted in those lyrics. You can maybe argue that there are better songs on debut (although I wouldn't agree). But I don't think there was a better choice for introducing Taylor Swift to the world. Her storytelling, her insistence on centering her own perspective even when it's a perspective the world isn't interested in (i.e. a teenage girl), her love for flowering romance, and how it contrasts with her commitment to honesty, her need to make her voice heard. There's so much there. I don't have a question, I just wanted to share this with someone who would care. (Also, since this is Swiftles land. Love Me Do is nowhere near as good a song as Tim McGraw. But The Beatles insisting their first song be self-written does do a similar thing given the musical conventions of the era. Even though Love Me Do is arguably their worst song.)

Anon I love you, I love you, I love you FOREVER.

I've not been a fan since Tim McGraw, but it's a song I've only grown to appreciate more and more as time has passed and just a few months ago I was having very similar thoughts about it being the perfect introduction to Taylor as a person and artist we could have asked for.

Additionally to your amazing points about the opening lines, I also think there's something so powerful about beginning your career in music by evoking your musical influences* – except she's framed it in this deeply personal way that doesn't require one to be a musician to find relatable: she simply wants her high school sweetheart to think of her when he hears her favourite song and, as someone who's felt solace in music like no other place, that resonates with me profoundly.

I also think one of the most quintessential things about her songwriting is that her memories are always sensual and picturesque. She connects memories to places ("Backroads at night"), to the weather ("The moon like a spotlight") and, especially, to clothes. ("I hope you think that little black dress").

So yes, 100%, Tim McGraw is lowkey a masterpiece and a gorgeous debut.

And your point about Love Me Do being a self-written debut when that wasn't at all an obvious choice at the time is so <33333

*I also read somewhere recently that this is a classic country thing, name-dropping your influences.

#also not the LMD drag though for the record I agree – well I wouldn't say it's their worst dfjshfjkshfdk #ask #anon #taylor #lyrics #fave #swiftles

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bonefall · 2 years ago

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Hello! Firstly, this is an incredible project you’ve got here and I’m very impressed by the amount of work put into this. I’ve always been frustrated warriors isn’t as good as it could be so it’s cool to see someone doing such a cool project.

Secondly, I remember reading that at least one cat was rewritten to be deaf, but I can’t remember who that was. Also, what do you think life is like for a deaf cat in the clans? They’d have more difficultly than a normal deaf cat since the clan cats use verbal language. Some books mention tail signals meaning specific things, so do you think the cats have a nonverbal system of communicating?

Deafness is THE hardest sensory disability for a Clan cat to have. Moreso than blindness, moreso than a lack of scent. The Clans are heavily inaccessible to people who are deaf, unfortunately, but the fact there's now 5 cats in recent memory with total deafness is causing active change.

The biggest problem is the fact that a deaf cat has a hard time understanding how loud they are. Hunting is a lot harder when you both can't hear prey scuffling around AND can't tell when your actions are making a lot of noise to scare your quarry off. In Clanmew, the sounds animals make are so important that they're even named after them; "European Jay" is Arkr, "Toad" is Amam, "Frog" is Roeg.

This comes easier when a cat isn't born deaf, but cats like Snowkit and Whitewing need a lot more training than an abled warrior.

The other problem is a lack of accessibility. Clanmew is heavily verbal with tone indicated by body language, Whitewing can tell you're being sarcastic but not WHAT you're being sarcastic about unless she's lipreading. Hearing loud commands over the heat of battle is also an issue, you can't obey a "RETREAT" order if you don't notice your clanmates are fleeing as well, even with an appropriate tail signal.

When you mention the tail signals-- that's from Battles of the Clans, and they're limited to combat commands. I also created a glyph system for the cats to write with as well which covers more non-battle concepts.

Snowkit in particular LOVED glyphs. Brackenfur (his nephew) was bonding with him over it, expanding it out. If Snowkit hadn't died, he would have forged a ton of new signs, especially related to constellations which he was very fond of.

I'm approaching deafness accommodations as something the Clans are actively working on, unlike a lot of other rewrites which have a sign language pre-prepared! Especially in the modern age when warfare has become more organized, giving the cats more time to work on new things.

The cats who are deaf in my rewrite so far are;

Featherkit (not super important but this is Dappletail's child and Graystripe's sister. She died of plague and Feathertail is named after her.)

Snowkit (sadly his death is narratively important, but has an expanded personality and he dies shoving Tawnykit out of the way of the hawk. It isn't related to his deafness.)

Whitewing (Feels pressured to 'live the life Snowkit couldn't,' which is damaging. Serious and pious.)

Dovewing (Loses her hearing along with her powers, frustrated by her lack of autonomy which eventually causes her to leave ThunderClan. "I don't WANT to practice glyphs right now leave me alone stop making yourselves feel better by trying to 'fix' me")

Fallowfern (In-canon she only loses her hearing in old age, but I want to make her hearing loss an earlier onset.)

#Funfact: you know how in English we say stuff like 'I see!' to say that we understand something?#In Clanmew that expression is 'Pi' which is both Seeing/Hearing #One-eye's Clanmew name is a fun quirk. It's Mwiskpi #'Missing-Sight/Hearing'#Pi is an opening particle which denotes that you experienced the information you're relaying firsthand #'I see that Harestar has a tunnelbun' =#'pi woomoerpbum Yywayashai urrwrah'#'See/hear tunnelbun Harestar clanmate-owns'#disability #deafness #Bonefall Rewrite #clanmew

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doodle-do-wop · 7 months ago

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why do you like Stinex or copper mares so much, what even got you into it in the first place

TBH I never considered Stinex for like ages mostly cause Stina was just a character that popped in occasionally to spit straight facts then leave and when I first read KOTLC i took a huge break from it until I recently got back into it (now I love to hate it and hate to love it)

I was talking to @frizzle-mcshizzle one day and I have no memory of how they swayed me, Frizz can say anything and I'll be like "alright bet" (cause I love hearing my friends out) and then i got hit with the brain rot I love two characters who could easily be enemies to friends or even to lovers because like, what is better than two sides of the same coin reaching out Frizz's big post on Copper Mares is like 90% hc they've all shared with me before so their list also correlates to what i think too as we just sit and yap at each other and have a dandy good time

Stina is such a massively complicated character when you stop and smell the ink because like, imagine being told your parents are only together because they messed with the system and once they're found out your life will basically be over because your shitty society will most definitely tear your multigenerational home/business up from the ground and destroy it forever and ever ha ha get fucked. Like that's crazy dog If that were me someone would've caught hands already but Stina has never like physically put hands on anybody unless you count Stina tackling Dex in some mud (as far as I can remember) I'm probably gonna say more on my Stina post that I have cooking but that's Heks centric and less Stina and Dex

I genuinely think the two would be unstoppable the second they got along because at the end of Legacy the two were kinda chummy together. Stina was genuinely apart of the Team or what very very little we actually got out of it before Sophie forgot she's a leader and not a solo act (my thoughts on Stellarlune are many and not friendly) Stina and Dex are both strong willed characters, hot headed and overall very driven. Stina's given a task and she cashes out big time. Dex is told to make a device and he does everything he can to make it work Stina wouldn't beg Dex for his forgiveness because she's not some 2D bully, she's a person with thoughts and emotions and she knows she shouldn't ask for forgiveness after what she's said/done to him. Dex's biggest flaw has always been his grudges and yet he's capable of seeing that Stina can and has grown as a person and they're not twelve anymore. I'm also on the side that the two don't get together until their late teen/young adult years

TLDR; Straight up never considered the ship until my cognate was like 'okay hear me out'

#thanks for the ask!#asked and answered #copper mares #kotlc stina #kotlc dex #kotlc

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nobodysdaydreams · 2 years ago

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My Unhinged Character Analysis/Manifesto: Why Uncle Andrew (from the Chronicles of Narnia) is the most pathetic cringe-fail villain to ever exist (and for my TMBS fans, how this man manages to be a combination of the worst traits from Curtain, Garrison, and Jeffers)

Recently TMBS and the Chronicles of Narnia went head to head in the best childhood book competition, and I commented that while I have a TMBS hyper-fixation right now, I also love Narnia and would have to vote for them in a bracket about who has the best pathetic cringe-fail villain simply because Uncle Andrew manages to take all the worst qualities of all the TMBS show villains and combine them into the ultimate mega cringe-fail pathetic loser villain.

Well @sophieswundergarten replied with this:

"OH THAT'S SUCH A GOOD POINT I hadn't considered that. Uncle Andrew is definitely the worst parts of them. He has the arrogance of Curtain, the decision to ignore ethics a bit for science of Garrison, and the inability to be in any way effective or solve problems of Jeffers. PLEASE tell me your Uncle Andrew analysis and thoughts, I would love to hear it"

And I would be more than happy to offer my thoughts because

A) I have been waiting to drop my analysis on how much of a pathetic loser this man is ever since I read the books when I was eight and

B) There are probably some TMBS fans who follow me, who have never read the Magician's Nephew, and are asking themselves "can this man I've never heard of really embody the worst of three cringe-fail TMBS villains? Is he that much of a disaster?" And if that's you, then congratulations, you are my target audience and oh boy are you in for a treat today. Strap in my friends, it is gonna be a wild ride.

Uncle Andrew is the ultimate embodiment of the phrase "F around and find out." The man F's around, and BOY does he find out.

There is a LOT, so let's start with the backstory. If you've never read Narnia (or have only read the famous one about the Wardrobe), Magician's Nephew is the first chronological book in the series in which Digory (the Professor in the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe) is a twelve year old boy sent to live at his maternal Aunt Letty's house because his dad is busy with his job (don't remember the details, not important) and they need someone to look after Digory's mother because she's sick and likely dying.

While there he befriends an eleven year old girl named Polly, and together they go exploring through the attics of their homes and the adjacent empty terraced houses (connected houses) and somehow accidently end up in Digory's Uncle's study (which they are not allowed to go into).

Important Note: Digory's Uncle is not his Aunt Letty's husband, but her brother who lives in her attic. He's described as being a very creepy and sinister looking person and looks a lot older than his age. I'll include illustrations from the book for reference as well as links to where they came from if those are available. This is what Uncle Andrew and the children look like:

When Digory and Polly realize their mistake, they try to leave Uncle Andrew's study, and the first thing Uncle Andrew does is lock them in his study, refuse to let them out, and says something to the effect of "haha, now my foolish sister can't get at you. Two children are just what I need." Here's the exact quote because Lewis puts it better than I ever could:

Digory was quite speechless, for Uncle Andrew looked a thousand times more alarming than he had ever looked before. Polly was not so frightened yet; but she soon was. For the very first thing Uncle Andrew did was to walk across to the door of the room, shut it, and turn the key in the lock. Then he turned round, fixed the children with his bright eyes, and smiled, showing all his teeth. "There!" he said. "Now my fool of a sister can't get at you!" It was dreadfully unlike anything a grown-up would be expected to do. Polly's heart came into her mouth, and she and Digory started backing towards the little door they had come in by. Uncle Andrew was too quick for them. He got behind them and shut that door too and stood in front of it. Then he rubbed his hands and made his knuckles crack. He had very long, beautifully white, fingers. "I am delighted to see you," he said. "Two children are just what I wanted." -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

A great introduction, 10/10, totally trustworthy guy.

Then, after the children beg to be let out, Uncle Andrew's like: "oh ok. You kids probably find an old man like me boring anyway. But say, before you go, Polly, why don't you take one of these nice shiny rings? NOT ONE OF THE GREEN ONES- I um... I'm saving those for a special occasion, but please, please, take one of these yellow rings, they are very fun."

Which of course is a perfectly normal way to give someone a present.

The kids don't want to spend another second with this lunatic, so Polly grabs the yellow ring and immediately disappears into thin air.

Digory is so scared he almost starts screaming, but then his uncle clamps his hand over his mouth and reminds Digory that his mother is terribly ill and hearing a scream could frighten her to death in order to shut him up, because Uncle Andrew, like Curtain, is a horrible uncle and a horrible sibling.

That's the first chapter, and the next one is basically Uncle Andrew giving Digory his big grand villain speech and giving his big grand villain origin story, all while ignoring the fact that Polly has vanished and is likely in danger, and calls his nephew rude because he keeps bringing it up.

"But what about Polly?" "How you do harp on that!" said Uncle Andrew. "As if that was what mattered! -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Uncle Andrew announces to Digory that Polly has been a test subject (thus far the only human test subject) in his grand scientific experiment in which he has sent someone to another world using magic rings (So there's your first Curtain/Garrison comparison: conducting unethical scientific experiments on children)

Now, you might wonder, how did Uncle Andrew get these magic rings? Did Uncle Andrew come up with this magic stuff himself like Garrison invented the Whisperer?

Well, no.

Much like Curtain stole his tech from Garrison, Uncle Andrew stole his magic from his fairy godmother. According to Uncle Andrew, his fairy godmother spent her last years of life in prison, made bad life choices, and on her death bed gave him a box of magic and told him to burn it all and not mess with magic stuff. Uncle Andrew promised her he would do as she asked, but lied through his teeth. When Digory points out it's bad to break one's promises, Uncle Andrew gives his version of Curtain's "The Endless Burden of Greatness is Mine Alone to Bear" speech (his is called the "High and Lonely Destiny" speech) which goes like this:

"Oh, I see. You mean that little boys ought to keep their promises. Very true: most right and proper, I'm sure, and I'm very glad you have been taught to do it. But of course you must understand that rules of that sort, however excellent they may be for little boys—and servants—and women—and even people in general, can't possibly be expected to apply to profound students and great thinkers and sages. No, Digory. Men like me, who possess hidden wisdom, are freed from common rules just as we are cut off from common pleasures. Ours, my boy, is a high and lonely destiny." As he said this he sighed and looked so grave and noble and mysterious that for a second Digory really thought he was saying something rather fine. But then he remembered the ugly look he had seen on his Uncle's face the moment before Polly had vanished: and all at once he saw through Uncle Andrew's grand words. “All it means," he said to himself, "Is that he thinks he can do anything he likes to get anything he wants." -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Uncle Andrew then explains that the box his godmother gave him was from Atlantis and contained dust which he used to make the rings, which allow you to travel to other worlds. Thus far, he has tested this on guinea pigs (some of which died or exploded), but guinea pigs can't tell you what they saw in the other world, nor can they travel back.

Of course, Uncle Andrew is too scared to travel to another world himself, but he wants to know what it is like, so his plan was to trick Polly into going and force Digory to go after her with two green rings so that they can make the return journey, reasoning that even if Digory told others what his uncle had done, no one would believe him (Andrew explains that the yellow rings take you to another world, the green rings take you back, but since Polly doesn't have a green one, Digory has to go after her). And I know I'm putting in a LOT of quotes, but just... this section makes Curtain of all people look humble and considerate by comparison. I mean, at least Curtain had a REASON why he was using children for his experiments other than his own cowardice (because their voices are easily trusted). Although Uncle Andrew does use Garrison's "It's my life's work" line:

"Well why didn't you go yourself then?" Digory had hardly ever seen anyone so surprised and offended as his Uncle did at this simple question. "Me? Me?" he exclaimed. "The boy must be mad! A man at my time of life, and in my state of health, to risk the shock and the dangers of being flung suddenly into a different universe? I never heard anything so preposterous in my life! Do you realize what you're saying? Think what Another World means—you might meet anything anything." "And I suppose you've sent Polly into it then," said Digory. His cheeks were flaming with anger now. "And all I can say," he added, "even if you are my Uncle— is that you've behaved like a coward, sending a girl to a place you're afraid to go to yourself." "Silence, sir!" said Uncle Andrew, bringing his hand down on the table. "I will not be talked to like that by a little, dirty, schoolboy. You don't understand. I am the great scholar, the magician, the adept, who is doing the experiment. Of course I need subjects to do it on. Bless my soul, you'll be telling me next that I ought to have asked the guinea-pigs' permission before I used them! No great wisdom can be reached without sacrifice. But the idea of my going myself is ridiculous. It's like asking a general to fight as a common soldier. Supposing I got killed, what would become of my life's work?"-The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Now, you might be wondering: Why does Uncle Andrew want to send these children to a mysterious other world so badly? Is there something he wants them to get for him?

No.

He has no idea where they are going, and has no plan for what to do if they come back for something dangerous. He considers himself a "great scientist/magician/philosopher/scholar", but so far his "experiments" have just been him doing random stuff with magic things his fairy godmother told him to burn in the hopes that something works out.

In fact, it becomes very apparent that Uncle Andrew's intelligence is less on the level of Garrison/Curtain and much more on par with Jeffers. Unlike Curtain, who at least understands something about the tech he took from Garrison, Andrew understands as much about his godmother's magic dust box as Jeffers does about anything.

In fact, Uncle Andrew is so clueless, that even after his "years of experiments" the instructions he gave Digory (that the green rings take you home and the yellow rings make you vanish) are complete BS which leaves Digory and Polly to figure the rings out themselves. In actuality, the yellow rings take you to the Wood Between the Worlds and the green rings allow you to travel out from the wood to any world you want, provided you jump into the right "world pool" (Side tangent: this is a super cool concept that actually inspired the World Between the Worlds in Star Wars. I admittedly don't know as much about the Star Wars version, but I think it would be cool if it operates like the Narnia version where good people who go there experience it as a blissful paradise they could never forget, while it makes bad people feel sick and horrified and they lose all memory of going there as soon as they leave (but like, with light/dark side users). Even if that's not how it works, the fact that the Narnia version inspired it is interesting and I have a photo of the wood below from the page linked above).

Other side note: This also makes it unclear whether the box Uncle Andrew stole was really from Atlantis, or whether anything else he says about magic is true, because he clearly has no idea what he is talking about.

So Digory goes after Polly and through a series of complicated events, they return to London with an evil witch named Jadis (the White Witch from the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe), who is revealed to have committed the omnicide of her own world. She doesn't have her magic powers in our world, but she's still seven feet tall, physically beautiful, insanely strong, and wants to conquer earth. Uncle Andrew is immediately horrified. Jadis yells at him, calls him a fake magician, and demands he fetch her a well-trained dragon or chariot so that she can begin her conquest. Uncle Andrew leaves to call her a cab.

This sequence is shown below (Images: X, X, X).

Now at this point, one might think that this is where Uncle Andrew realizes he is out of his depth, and seeks to find a way to get Jadis back to her own world, right?

No.

For you see, Uncle Andrew is an alcoholic, but unlike Garrison, is making no effort to stay sober or keep his drinking under control, so after being frightened by Jadis, he immediately goes to his room to get trashed (because it's the only place he can hide the alcohol from his sister).

While under the influence, he forgets about how terrifying Jadis is and starts thinking about how pretty the witch looked and decides that he (a sixty year old man who looks eighty and lives with his sister), actually has a shot with her. So he puts on some good clothes and starts fantasizing about it, before going downstairs to ask his sister for money to take Jadis on a date.

Now that the Witch was no longer in the same room with him he was quickly forgetting how she had frightened him and thinking more and more of her wonderful beauty. He kept on saying to himself, "A dem fine woman, sir, a dem fine woman. A superb creature." He had also somehow managed to forget that it was the children who had got hold of this "superb creature": he felt as if he himself by his Magic had called her out of unknown worlds. "Andrew, my boy," he said to himself as he looked in the glass, "you're a devilish well preserved fellow for your age. A distinguished-looking man, sir." You see, the foolish old man was actually beginning to imagine the Witch would fall in love with him. The two drinks probably had something to do with it, and so had his best clothes. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

The author then informs us that Uncle Andrew claims that his day job is "managing his dear sister's business for her". No one believes this lie, not only because Uncle Andrew is clearly an idiot who could never run a business, but also because in actuality, Uncle Andrew is unemployed and in fact has been actively ruining his sister's business by running up large bills on alcohol and expensive cigars while he spends his days making guinea pigs explode in the attic in the name of great science. (Digory's Aunt Letty simply believes that her brother is crazy and is letting him live at her house because he's family).

Uncle Andrew, what with "managing dear Letty's business matters for her", and never doing any work, and running up large bills for brandy and cigars (which Aunt Letty had paid again and again) had made her a good deal poorer than she had been thirty years ago. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

So when Uncle Andrew comes downstairs, drunk, in his fancy clothes to beg his sister for money, she asks him whether he's not ashamed after what he's done to her financially, to which Uncle Andrew replies that he needs to entertain a "distinguished foreigner". Aunt Letty calls him on his BS, and then Jadis comes in, calls Andrew her slave, and demands her chariot. Aunt Letty, after hearing this and seeing her brother drunk and Jadis dressed in what would be considered revealing clothing for 1900's London, assumes that her brother has gone from spending her hard earned money on alcohol and cigars to spending it on prostitutes, which he has brought into her good Christian home in the middle of the day while their dying younger sister and young impressionable nephew are staying with them.

At this point, Letty has had enough of her brother's foolishness. She goes off on Uncle Andrew and Jadis, calling Jadis a hussy and demanding that she leaves before she calls the police.

Jadis responds by trying to cast a spell on Aunt Letty, only to find her magic powers don't work on earth. Letty assumes that Jadis, like her brother, is also drunk and struggling to speak clearly. Jadis responds by throwing Letty across the room and instead of making sure his sister is okay, Uncle Andrew leaves that to Digory and follows Jadis out to the cab, because Uncle Andrew (like Curtain), is a horrible sibling and uncle, especially considering the child he put in danger is his dying younger sister's child and he can't even be bothered to check on his other sister who is letting him live in her house rent free even though he is actively ruining her financially.

While Aunt Letty was still hurtling through the air, the housemaid (who was having a beautifully exciting morning) put her head in at the door and said, "If you please, sir, the 'ansom's come." "Lead on, Slave," said the Witch to Uncle Andrew. He began muttering something about "regrettable violence must really protest", but at a single glance from Jadis he became speechless. She drove him out of the room and out of the house; and Digory came running down the stairs just in time to see the front door close behind them. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Aunt Letty recovers quickly because she's tough and nothing phases her, and she immediately sends the housemaid to the police to report a lunatic at large and have her brother and Jadis arrested.

And from this point forth, the rest of Uncle Andrew's story is just him getting physically destroyed over and over and over again in the most spectacular cringe-fail fashion, forever establishing him as the most ultimate pathetic cringe-fail villain of all time.

You see, while Uncle Andrew's first instinct was to take Jadis on a date, Digory and Polly actually decide "hey, why don't we use the rings to put this dangerous witch back to where she came from?" But being children, they can't just leave and go after the cab, so they wait for Uncle Andrew and Jadis to come back for several hours. Finally, the carriage comes flying around the corner, with Jadis riding on top of it, whipping the horse mercilessly while several policemen and a crowd of townspeople follow on foot. Jadis leaps off the cab and onto the horse's back, causing the cab to crash, and Uncle Andrew shakily claws his way out from the wreckage with his top hat bashed over his head.

"Now then," said the policeman, turning to him, "What's all this?" "Womfle—pomfy—shomf," came Uncle Andrew's voice from inside the hat. "None of that now," said the policeman sternly. "You'll find this is no laughing matter. Take that 'at off, see?" This was more easily said than done. But after Uncle Andrew had struggled in vain with the hat for some time, two other policemen seized it by the brim and forced it off. "Thank you, thank you," said Uncle Andrew in a faint voice. "Thank you. Dear me, I'm terribly shaken. If someone could give me a small glass of brandy—" -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

The policemen ignore Uncle Andrew's request for some brandy and begin to question him, because in addition to stealing and crashing a cab, Jadis has stolen clothes, robbed a jewelry store, and punched several men including a cop.

Jadis then demands the people bow down to her, but they only laugh at her. Infuriated, Jadis breaks off a lamppost to show off her strength and starts beating the policemen with it. Chaos ensues and people start panicking/rioting. Digory and Polly run out into the commotion to try to grab Jadis while holding the rings (because you can also travel by touching someone who has the rings, or by touching someone who is touching someone who has the rings, another fact Uncle Andrew "The Great Magician" was completely unaware of). This results in Jadis, Digory, Polly, Uncle Andrew, the cab driver, and Strawberry/Fledge (the horse, he has two names, it's complicated) being transported to the wood between the worlds. Digory doesn't realize that they've brought his uncle with them until he hears Uncle Andrew wailing in the dark as they travel, asking if "this is the end" and claiming that all of this is his fairy godmother's fault and he never wanted to be a magician and was apparently groomed into it by her and we should all feel very bad for him because he's just a sad little fella. It's got the same vibe as the Garrison root cellar breakdown and Curtain's YOU DON'T KNOW ME speech. I don't want to quote the whole book, but Lewis writes it so well how could I not:

Oh, thank goodness. The angry, frightened faces had vanished. The angry, frightened voices were silenced. All except Uncle Andrew's. Close beside Digory in the darkness, it was wailing on. "Oh, oh, is this delirium? Is it the end? I can't bear it. It's not fair. I never meant to be a Magician. It's all a misunderstanding. It's all my godmother's fault; I must protest against this. In my state of health too. A very old Dorsetshire family." "Bother!" thought Digory. "We didn't want to bring him along. My hat, what a picnic [...]" -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Then the children take Jadis, Uncle Andrew, and their new companions through a pool to (you guessed it) Narnia (finally). Except this is an Adam and Eve allegory so it's actually Narnia when it's first being created.

At first, not much is happening, so Uncle Andrew actually gets the courage to stand up to Jadis, but mostly just ends up sounding like more of a loser. Very much giving when Garrison trash talks Curtain in the root cellar.

Uncle Andrew's temper at last got the better of his fears. "Yes, Ma'am, I would," he said. "Most undoubtedly I would. I should be perfectly in my rights. I have been most shamefully, most abominably treated. I have done my best to show you such civilities as were in my power. And what has been my reward? You have robbed— I must repeat the word robbed a highly respectable jeweller. You have insisted on my entertaining you to an exceedingly expensive, not to say ostentatious, lunch, though I was obliged to pawn my watch and chain in order to do so (and let me tell you, Ma'am, that none of our family have been in the habit of frequenting pawnshops, except my cousin Edward, and he was in the Yeomanry). During that indigestible meal—I'm feeling the worse for it at this very moment—your behaviour and conversation attracted the unfavourable attention of everyone present. I feel I have been publicly disgraced. I shall never be able to show my face in that restaurant again. You have assaulted the police. You have stolen—" -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Then the group sees Aslan (Lion Jesus) singing in order to make the world and animals that live in it come alive. Jadis attacks Aslan, and then seeing her powers have no effect on him, flees in fright. Uncle Andrew (in true cringe-fail fashion) turns to do the same, trips, and falls face first into a brook. He then demands Diagory use his rings to take him home, and I'm just gonna quote the book here:

"Do what you're told this minute, sir," said Uncle Andrew. "You're an extremely disobedient, ill-behaved little boy." "No fear," said Digory. "We want to stay and see what happens. I thought you wanted to know about other worlds. Don't you like it now you're here?" "Like it!" exclaimed Uncle Andrew. "Just look at the state I'm in. And it was my best coat and waistcoat, too." He certainly was a dreadful sight by now: for of course, the more dressed up you were to begin with, the worse you look after you've crawled out of a smashed hansoncab and fallen into a muddy brook. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Uncle Andrew keeps trying to get at children's rings, but is unsuccessful, and because his intelligence levels are on par with Jeffers, it wouldn't make a difference if he was successful, because he still believes that the green rings "take you home" when really all they do is take you out of the wood so grabbing them would do nothing.

Then, in a brilliant combination of Jeffers' dumb luck in securing the perimeter that one time, Curtain taking credit for other's ideas, and Garrison's mad scientist anti-ethics vibes, Uncle Andrew momentarily forgets about fleeing from the Lion. You see, before Jadis ran off, she threw a piece of scrap metal from a lamppost into the ground, and the children find that the piece of scrap metal has taken root in the ground and is now growing as a fully functioning lamppost (like a tree). Here are Uncle Andrew's thoughts on the matter:

"Remarkable, most remarkable," muttered Uncle Andrew. "Even I never dreamt of Magic like this. We're in a world where everything, even a lamp-post, comes to life and grows. Now I wonder what sort of seed a lamppost grows from?" "Don't you see?" said Digory. "This is where the bar fell—the bar she tore off the lamp-post at home. It sank into the ground and now it's coming up as a young lamppost." [...] "That's it! Stupendous, stupendous," said Uncle Andrew, rubbing his hands harder than ever. "Ho, ho! They laughed at my Magic. That fool of a sister of mine thinks I'm a lunatic. I wonder what they'll say now? I have discovered a world where everything is bursting with life and growth. Columbus, now, they talk about Columbus. But what was America to this? The commercial possibilities of this country are unbounded. Bring a few old bits of scrap iron here, bury 'em, and up they come as brand new railway engines, battleships, anything you please. They'll cost nothing, and I can sell 'em at full prices in England. I shall be a millionaire. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

So now Uncle Andrew has momentarily forgotten his fears once he discovers (or rather his nephew discovers) a get-rich-quick scheme, and now he plans on colonizing Narnia so that he can built machines with its magic soil. Digory is more concerned with finding something in the magic land to help his mother, which Uncle Andrew regards as unimportant. (I mean even Show Curtain cared enough about Nicholas to care when he was dying):

"Uncle Andrew", he [Digory] said, "do you think there's anything here that would cure Mother?" "What are you talking about?" said Uncle Andrew. "This isn't a chemist's shop. But as I was saying—" "You don't care twopence about her," said Digory savagely. "I thought you might; after all, she's your sister as well as my Mother. Well, no matter. I'm jolly well going to ask the Lion himself if he can help me." And he turned and walked briskly away. Polly waited for a moment and then went after him. "Here! Stop! Come back! The boy's gone mad," said Uncle Andrew. He followed the children at a cautious distance behind; for he didn't want to get too far away from the green rings or too near the Lion. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

At this point, Uncle Andrew's story diverges from the rest of the narrative. Aslan starts singing and creating the rest of Narnia's talking animals, which disturbs Uncle Andrew. His solution to dealing with his negative feelings is Curtain-level denial in that he literally gaslights himself into believing that the animals are only making animal noises which leads to him panicking because he suddenly realizes that the children, the horse, and cab driver are interacting with the animals (and thus are no doubt about to be eaten) which means the animals will eat the magic rings and then he'll be stuck in Narnia forever.

And the longer and more beautiful the Lion sang, the harder Uncle Andrew tried to make himself believe that he could hear nothing but roaring. Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. Uncle Andrew did. He soon did hear nothing but roaring in Aslan's song. Soon he couldn't have heard anything else even if he had wanted to. [...] And when they [the animals] laughed—well, you can imagine. That was worse for Uncle Andrew than anything that had happened yet. Such a horrid, bloodthirsty din of hungry and angry brutes he had never heard in his life. Then, to his utter rage and horror, he saw the other three humans actually walking out into the open to meet the animals.

"The fools!" he said to himself. "Now those brutes will eat the rings along with the children and I'll never be able to get home again. What a selfish little boy that Digory is! And the others are just as bad. If they want to throw away their own lives, that's their business. But what about me? They don't seem to think of that. No one thinks of me." -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

But someone does think of Uncle Andrew. For you see, when the children, the cab driver, and the lead animals go off with Aslan to have an A plot, the rest of the animals are left with nothing to do but notice and curiously investigate Uncle Andrew. You see, Aslan warned the animals that an evil (the witch) has entered the land and of course, the animals stand to reason that Uncle Andrew might be the evil. The animals also can't understand Uncle Andrew like they can understand the children (because Uncle Andrew's gaslighting works both ways), and Uncle Andrew looks so thin, pale, tall, old, ugly, and dirty that the animals assume he must be a completely different species than the children and the cab driver.

So the animals move towards Uncle Andrew to investigate which leads to a chase scene. The Narnia air gives Uncle Andrew super speed (at least for an old man, he gets the ability to run like a high school track star), but the animals are faster, chase him down, and eventually surround him on all sides. (The rest of the photos are from here: X)

What struck him [Uncle Andrew] most of all was the number of open mouths. The animals had really opened their mouths to pant; he thought they had opened their mouths to eat him. Uncle Andrew stood trembling and swaying this way and that. He had never liked animals at the best of times, being usually rather afraid of them; and of course years of doing cruel experiments on animals had made him hate and fear them far more. [...] Then Uncle Andrew dropped down in a dead faint. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

An argument then ensues amongst the animals over whether Uncle Andrew is an animal or merely a poor tree that has fallen. The bulldog smells him and insists Uncle Andrew is a type of animal, but he's outvoted by the other talking animals who insist he must be a tree. Then they debate over how best to plant him, because they can't decide if Uncle Andrew's "fluffy mop hair" or his legs are his roots. Lucky for Uncle Andrew, they figure that his legs spread out more, like roots ought to, so they plant him legs first, piling the dirt up to his knees. Then they notice that for a tree, he looks very withered, so they decide to use the elephant to give him some water.

But the Elephant walked quietly to the river, filled her trunk with water, and came back to attend to Uncle Andrew. The sagacious animal went on doing this till gallons of water had been squirted over him, and water was running out of the skirts of his frock-coat as if he had been for a bath with all his clothes on. In the end it revived him. He awoke from his faint. What a wake it was! [...]

When the watering brought him to his senses, he found himself soaking wet, buried up to his thighs in earth (which was quickly turning into mud) and surrounded by more wild animals than he had ever dreamed of in his life before. It is perhaps not surprising that he began to scream and howl. This was in a way a good thing, for it at last persuaded everyone (even the Warthog) that he was alive. So they dug him up again (his trousers were in a really shocking state by now). As soon as his legs were free he tried to bolt, but one swift curl of the Elephant's trunk round his waist soon put an end to that. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

Once the animals determine that the muddy soaked mess of Uncle Andrew is a living creature, they decide to keep him safe until Aslan can get a proper look at him, which means Uncle Andrew is left in the care of these talking animals for several days. They built him a little cage out of trees, and offer him various things to eat. Birds drop worms on him, squirrels throw nuts at him, a donkey gives him thistles.

The Bear was especially kind. During the afternoon he found a wild bees' nest and instead of eating it himself (which he would very much like to have done) this worthy creature brought it back to Uncle Andrew. But this was in fact the worst failure of all. The Bear lobbed the whole sticky mass over the top of the enclosure and unfortunately it hit Uncle Andrew slap in the face (not all the bees were dead). The Bear, who would not at all have minded being hit in the face by a honeycomb himself, could not understand why Uncle Andrew staggered back, slipped, and sat down. And it was sheer bad luck that he sat down on the pile of thistles. "And anyway," as the Warthog said, "quite a lot of honey has got into the creature's mouth and that's bound to have done it some good." -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

In the end, the animals begin to grow found of Uncle Andrew, and hope that Aslan will allow them to keep him as their new pet. They name him "Brandy" because that is one of the few words/noises that the animals were able to understand from Uncle Andrew's muddled speeches. When Aslan finally does take a look at him, Uncle Andrew looks (unsurprisingly) like a terrified wreck and is shaking from terror and alcohol withdrawal. Aslan puts a spell on him so that he falls asleep and can be relieved of his fear and withdrawal symptoms, at least until he goes home. When they finally return to London, Uncle Andrew wakes up in the street:

No one took any notice of the children for no one had seen them go or noticed them coming back. As for Uncle Andrew, what between the state of his clothes and the honey on his face, he could not have been recognized by anyone. -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

The children rush Uncle Andrew into the house and he immediately runs upstairs. At first they worry he's going to try to grab the rest of his magic rings, but instead he locks himself in his room so that he can drink and get rid of his withdrawal symptoms before cleaning himself up in the bathroom.

The book ends with Digory's mother getting better and Digory's father inheriting a big house in the country from a dead uncle, which Digory and his parents go to live in it together. And to thank Aunt Letty for taking care of his wife, Digory's father takes Uncle Andrew to live with them because the family decides that it isn't fair that Aunt Letty should always be the one to have to deal with him (and Letty was likely going to throw Uncle Andrew on the streets anyway at this point). This is how the book (and Uncle Andrew's story) ends:

Uncle Andrew never tried any Magic again as long as he lived. He had learned his lesson, and in his old age he became a nicer and less selfish old man than he had ever been before. But he always liked to get visitors alone in the billiard-room and tell them stories about a mysterious lady, a foreign royalty, with whom he had driven about London. "A devilish temper she had," he would say. "But she was a dem fine woman, sir, a dem fine woman." -The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis

So in the end Uncle Andrew decides to stop being a weird creepy uncle who does experiments on children and starts being a normal creepy uncle who brags about the hot younger "fine woman" he got to drive around London. I should also add that there are several more passages where Uncle Andrew uncomfortably comments on how attractive Jadis is, but I figured posting them would be a beating a dead horse.

In conclusion, here are all the reasons why Uncle Andrew is a brilliant combination of all of the TMBS show villain's worst qualities:

Like Curtain, he's an awful uncle and sibling and in fact is even worse because he doesn't care at all that his sister is dying and is willing to let his nephew die.

Like Curtain, he has a delusional ego but because he has the intelligence of Jeffers he has nothing to back it up with.

Uncle Andrew's ego also leads to his own version of Curtain's "Endless Burden of Greatness" speech which is known as the "High and Lonely Destiny" speech, during which he manages to insult children, women, and the lower class, right before members of all three of those groups humiliate him for the rest of the book.

Like Curtain and Garrison, he does unethical experiments on children, but unlike them, there is no specific reason why children are needed for the experiment other than Uncle Andrew being to scared to travel to another world himself and he can't pay someone else to go because he has no money and everyone regards him as crazy

Like Curtain's happiness revolution, Uncle Andrew's magic is just stuff he stole from someone else that he doesn't fully understand and ends up causing him more problems in the end.

Like Curtain ignores Garrison's ethical concerns, Uncle Andrew blows right past his fairy godmother's warning about the dust and decides to use it to make magic rings.

Like Garrison, Uncle Andrew struggles with alcohol, and while that itself is no laughing matter, Uncle Andrew puts no effort into getting better, steals money from his sister to buy brandy, and drunkenly hits on women, while Garrison managed to work for Curtain for five years without drinking.

Like Garrison, he calls his "inventions" his "life's work" even though it basically amounts to nothing.

Like Jeffers, Uncle Andrew is unintelligent and wildly incompetent, but I don't think even Jeeper's failures can top Uncle Andrew's journey in which he is planted like a tree by wild animals who throw honey in his face.

Like all three of them, Uncle Andrew is drowning in self pity and gets easily beaten by children and wild animals.

There honestly might be more comparisons, but this more than covers the highlights.

I hope I have educated the public on why this man is the ultimate pathetic loser villain and yes, it is a crime that of all the books in the Chronicles of Narnia series, this one was never made into a movie. All I wanted as a child was to see Uncle Andrew get in a cab crash, fall in the mud, get planted like a tree, and smacked in the face with some honey. But at least the Dawn Treader movie gave us Eustace, and thank you C.S. Lewis for writing so many pathetic cringe-fail villain men who get what they deserve. It's what the world needed.

@sophieswundergarten I hope you like this analysis and thank you for encouraging my unhinged ideas.

#Very long post #But hopefully a fun one #I hope it finds its target audience #the chronicles of narnia #the magicians nephew #Uncle Andrew #digory kirke #polly plummer #ledroptha curtain #dr garrison #Jeffers #the mysterious benedict society #narnia #chronicles of narnia #aslan

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