#would have to bleach over the black-dyed shit i already got which might be A Problem but eh

[pretty-little-martyr]

might just be the mento iwness speaking .... but i want bright-red hair again..........

[c-c-cherry]

Hmmmmm... JotaKak headcanons? If you want to, of course, just thought some p3 would be nice. It can be platonic or romantic, whichever you like best!

Yo! I’m such shit at writing shippy stuff so I went down the platonic bro route :)

You can tell I have insane brain rot right now because I went a bit too hard on all of these oops-

I’m so sorry about the last one its too cursed drghkjfhg

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Kakyoin is a very active sleeper.

-You can always catch him moving around, twitching, mumbling, etc…he’s a nightmare to share a bed with

-He can’t control it at all, so Jotaro would pay no mind to it when they had to share rooms and tried to ignore it—until it got progressively worse

-He started to notice when Kakyoin would get nightmares, he wouldn’t be able to wake up from them, he would just keep on thrashing around until someone would shake him awake (which he ends up doing more times that Kak would like to admit)

-He never talks about what they're about but judging on what he says in his sleep, Jotaro has a pretty good idea

-He absolutely cannot be touched when he’s finally awake, so stand hugs become a recurring thing :)

- It gets to a point where Star ends up sitting at the end of Kakyoin’s bed all night just watches him to make him feel safer

-Jotaro claims that he doesn’t have control over Star Platinum’s overprotective nature but that’s not entirely true

Since they’re the only two who speak fluent Japanese, they crack jokes with each other all the time and have little conversations with each other way more than they do with the others.

-Kakyoin spent a pretty long period of time studying English (having no friends will do shit to you,) but Jotaro isn’t as confident with his

-Kakyoin is the only one in the group who knows that Joot isn’t just soft spoken, but instead mega self-conscious about his English

-Does he make Kakyoin order food for him? Yes. Does he make him ask for directions? Yes. Does Kakyoin always tease him about it? Yes.

-Kakyoin makes Jotaro speak only in English an hour before they go to bed to help him learn and he feels so fucking stupid because his pronunciation is awful and he can barely say any shit without his face turning red but he does it anyway because he knows it'll help :)

Jotaro is not emotionless.

-I read in the back of my Stardust manga that Jotaro just bottles up his feelings for the sake of the importance of the mission to defeat DIO and I just- dfkjghsdahfd

-Although Kakyoin just cries freely whenever he feels like it, our boy Joot Doot has alternative outlets

-Shit like crying in the shower, while everyone’s asleep, or outside are stuff he’ll do but only if he’s positive that he’ll be alone

-After a particularly rough fight, they checked into their hotel rooms and while Kakyoin left to go get something to eat, Jotaro just collapses onto his bed and fuckin bawls

-Star is squeezing him so hard and he’s so out of it that he doesn’t even notice Kakyoin walk back into the room and jesus is our boy shocked

-Jotaro braces himself for a round of taunts but instead he just sits down next to him and asks him if he wants to talk about it :’)

-He doesn’t but its always good to have a bro to sit and cry with

After the Death 13 fight, Kakyoin refuses to sleep.

-Fairly enough, he’s worried that he might not wake up again

-He knows he should talk to someone about it, but if he brings up anything that happened in the desert that day, they‘ll just assume he’s lost his mind again

-So he refuses to sleep, instead

-Jotaro starts to notice things when Kakyoin starts looking rough—our boy had the eyebags, the exhausted expression, on-edge demeanor, the whole-ass package— but Kakyoin just dismisses it as nothing

-He decides to wait to go to sleep until Kakyoin closes his eyes first, and when he just doesn’t, he starts to get concerned

-Jotaro finally confronts him about it and Kakyoin gets ready to deny any of his questions, but something inside him snaps and he tells him everything and Jotaro believes him

-Death 13 was the only tarot card they hadn’t fought yet, so why would he lie about that?

-Although he offhandedly refuses to sleep, the next night Jotaro busts in with this giant mug of sleepy tea and makes him drink every last drop in front of him

-Jotaro thought that would convince him to finally close his eyes, but once he feels too tired to keep them open, he starts freaking the fuck out

-The night ends with Star Plat holding him until he’s able to get to sleep (because who wouldn’t feel safe in the warm arms of a purple punch ghost?) and Jotaro making sure that he stayed that way

-His insomnia never fully went away, but he’s got his best homie to help him out whenever sleep ails him :)

Jotaro is actually really insecure about his height.

-It was pretty typical to poke Joot about his height because, well, he’s a 17 year old that already reaches 6’5”

-It was also pretty typical for Joot to pull down his hat and say nothing because that’s how he reacts to everything

-It wasn’t until the two of them were chilling in their hotel rooms one night when Jotaro quietly popped the question: “Do you think I’m too tall?”

-Kak almost laughs at that but when he sees the concerned look on his face, he realizes, oh my god, he’s actually serious

-His mind immediately goes back to all the times that he’s seen Jotaro staring at himself in the mirror, preferring to sit in the back of the car and never walking side-by-side with any of them

-And he suddenly feels really, really bad

-Jotaro doesn’t talk about it much, but Kakyoin knows he feels the worst when Joseph talks about it even though he knows Joseph is probably just proud of the Joestar trait being passed on

-He stops making comments on his height and always makes sure that he’s not seen as some kind of “freak” for something as stupid as his height :)))

They tried to dye Jotaro’s hair once.

-YES this is total crack but here me out

-Kakyoin finds some cheap-ass hair dye in some store or market

-He busts in and before Jotaro can even speak, Kakyoin is already planning how he’s gonna do this

-Joot is completely opposed to the idea, but Kakyoin says he’ll tell Avdol and Polnareff that Jotaro ate the rest of their chocolate (which he did in fact do)

-They grab some bleach, lock their door, and get ready to screw themselves over

-The process goes a little something like this:

“Okay...the bleach is supposed to sting pretty badly...think you’ll be okay?”

“Just shut up and get it over with.”

*starts spreading bleach*

“ORAAAAA—”

-Turns out that despite punching the shit out of people being his job description, Jotaro has the most sensitive scalp on the planet

-Star Platinum is freaking out, grabbing his hair with one hand and trying to find shit to throw with the other, and Jotaro is sitting there with this blank, lifeless stare

“I’m guessing it hurts?”

“...”

“...”

“...yeah.”

-Is Jotaro starting to freak out a bit? Maybe. Do they stop now...?

-They don’t really have a choice because Star just demolished the hotel alarm clock

-They started right in the middle of his head, and when Jotaro looks in the mirror he sees this patch of blond right in the dead centre of his scalp and lets out this bewildered and devastating yelp

-Kakyoin get’s this awful feeling in his stomach they had just royally fucked up, and when it still stays there after they try to wash it out he knows they did an oopsie

-Joot is just standing there in shock and Star starts trying to rip out his own hair and Kakyoin is praying to god that they don’t wake up the others

-They end up just saying fuck it and putting in the dye anyway because he can’t just have a blond spot for the rest of the trip

-The stuff Kakyoin picked out was actually a shade of purple so dark that it almost looks black and it actually works out almost perfectly

-Most of it is covered up by his hat but there’s a little streak that pokes out into the open and it glows in the sun :)

-No one knows about this and no one even NOTICES until they get back from Egypt and Holly is like “YOU DYED YOUR HAIR?! IT LOOKS SO CUTE!” and at this point Jotaro has just completely stopped caring about it because it was weeks ago and gives them this deadass “yep” and walks out of the room

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hggggnnnnn here’s some feral head canons for y’all, I hope you're having a nice Wednesday! If you have any questions/requests/vibes, you know where to find me :)

[thephantomofthe-internet]

Not Your Type

Steve Harrington x Reader

Read part 2 HERE

Word Count: 6,669

Warnings: Swearing, Smoking, Drinking, Sexual Assault mention

Tag List: @carolimedanvers @moonstruckhargrove @denimjacketkisses @hotstuffhargrove @thechickvic @alex--awesome--22 @hipsmcgee @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @so-not-hotmess @balladblood @ashescilev 

“You’re not her type, Steve.” 

“You can’t say that till she meets me.”

The two had been arguing for days on the subject, without a clear answer in sight. Robin had promised, after weeks of watching Steve fail at getting girls, first at Scoops Ahoy and now at Family Video, to introduce him to a girl. Not just any girl, a girl like her. Steve had finally admitted that Dustin was right and he needed to go after girls who could make him genuinely happy, not just a girl who fit his popular mindset. He had tried his luck with Robin, and easily accepted the loss due to her own sexuality, and now he was set to try again. And Robin had been hyping up this friend of hers for weeks. She was cool and funny and smart like her and she was straight. That was all he was looking for. Whoever she was, she sounded perfect. 

But Robin was holding out on him.

His turned halfway to look at her, leaning his elbows on the counter to watch her shelf VHS tapes of music videos by the checkout line. She kept her back to him, rolling her eyes at his last comment. He was so pig headed most of the time, it was honestly annoying.

“Robin, you made this big deal about her, you said she was perfect, that I’d want to marry her on sight, and now you’re holding out. You gonna tell me what the deal is or not?” he asked with a brutal sigh. 

Robin didn’t turn around “Look, I might have...overhyped her a bit...like she’s amazing but she might...not be interested.” she said, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, turning to look at him with an embarrassed grimace.

“What?” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Look...she likes Billy Idol types. She probably would’ve gotten along with Billy Hargrove if...well, you know.” Robin said, trailing off at the end. Both nodded softly, Robin swallowing as if her throat was dry. Maybe it was, the memory was certainly hard to swallow and even harder to forget.

“Right...so?” 

Robin scoffed “You’re too squeaky clean for her.” 

Steve slapped his hand on the counter, his hair bouncing excitedly with the quick movement “Oh come on! Do you remember me? I’m Steve ‘Hair’ Harrington! I was the coolest guy at Hawkins High.” he puffed up his chest proudly, like a peacock.

“And the most modest.” Robin stood up, dusting off her knees from grim from the carpets sticking to her bare skin. The only perk of working at Family Video was the lax dress code. The store’s air conditioning had broken in June and had turned the place into an oven with its big windows that couldn’t be shaded to hide the marquees and cardboard cutouts in the windows. Keeping the front door open and wearing as little as possible helped. 

“But seriously, Steve, I don’t want you to get your hopes up about her. She might not be interested.” Robin replied, planting her hands on her hips.

“I got it, now when can I meet her?” Steve asked.

Luckily for him, you were already on your way.

You had no idea why Robin had been so insistent on you visiting her at work. She never had been before, she’d made you promise not to visit her at Scoops, which was strange since you only worked a floor above at Claire’s, piercing children’s ears with ugly silver butterflies and flowers, only for them to buy big plastic hoops and balls to shove into the unprepared holes and get them totally infected. It was fun, you got to use a piercing gun. You’d almost gotten fired for trying to pierce your nose with the gun. You were glad that you didn’t, it would’ve totally ruined your nostril, but you wouldn’t pretend that it wasn’t totally worth it to see the look on your fat manager, Marge’s face. She was such a bitch, you were glad when that damn mall burned down. The one in Carmel was better anyway.

When Robin insisted on you coming to Family Video to meet her for her lunch break, you weren’t insanely apprehensive about it. It wasn’t until her tone changed when she mentioned meeting her coworker and friend that you started getting that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach. She was trying to set you up with someone. Again. She always did this when she wanted something. Last time she did it, it was with that awful Keith to try to get him to give her his poster from The Godfather, which he’d nicked from the back storage at The Hawke while it was still open. Whatever she wanted, you weren’t going to be used to get it. 

Still, you showed up. You promised that you would after all, and you were a person of your word. Parking your car in front of the store, you saw the almost empty parking lot and the wide open door signaling the open store. You sighed softly to yourself, grabbing your purse off the seat next to you and stringing it over your shoulder, popping the door and climbing out.

“Robin? You here?” you called as you walked in.” the store was empty and far too quiet for your liking.

“Welcome to Family Video, where we bring movie magic to you! Can I help you with anything today?” Steve asked from the counter, startling you. You practically jumped out of your skin, your hand coming to clutch at your heart as you whipped around to meet the soft expression of Steve Harrington. He looked slightly bemused, clearly trying to not laugh at your over the top reaction. You rolled your eyes, walking up to the desk.

“Is Robin here? Robin Walker.” you asked, looking him over with a calculating eye.

“Yeah, she’s just in the back, wait here.” Steve stepped out from behind the desk, pulling at his stiff, polyester golf shirt. The shirt was so white and blindingly bright that it hurt to look at, but the large black logo for the store broke it up enough to make it easier to watch Steve leave as it was to watch him walk away. 

Steve didn’t even make it all the way to the stockroom before Robin emerged, already changed out of her uniform and was grinning like an idiot. “Hey! You made it just in time!” she said, tossing you her purse and sweater. You caught them easily, relieved to see your friend and get out of there. 

“Steve, this is my friend Y/N. Y/N, you know Steve, right?” Robin said, gesturing between them with her now free hands. 

“What up, Harrington?” you asked boredly, crossing your arms over your chest.

Robin gritted her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut and pulling her lips into a straight line. This is exactly what she thought would happen. Every time she’d introduced you to someone, no matter how genuine she was being, you turned into a brick fortress, completely impenetrable. Gone was your bubbly, snarky personality and quick wit, replaced by sneers and eye rolls and sarcasm. You weren’t nice or warm or open when you met the boys Robin decided you’d like. You weren’t yourself.

This wasn’t you. Robin knew it, she was certain that deep down you knew it. But Steve didn’t know it. Robin was certain that he had no idea who you were. And that made it worse. He had no background to you other than her own descriptions. And that wasn’t enough. This was not going to end well.

“You ready to grab food?” you asked, drawing Robin out of her mind.

“Huh? Oh yeah definitely. Burger in a Basket cool?” she replied, her eyes darting strangely between the pair of you.

“Sure, I’m not vegetarian this month. Accidently ate a fish stick last weekend while babysitting Todd Carther again. Total shit head but his parents pay me so much money to do it.” you replied, handing Robin’s things back to her. 

“Hasn’t he scared you off yet?” Robin asked, tying her grey sweatshirt around her hips.

“Nope, almost got me by dumping a whole jar of electric blue paint on my head. But the stuff is non-toxic so it didn’t mess up my eyes or skin and it let me know that dying my whole head blue isn’t going to be a good look for me.” you replied with a giggle, flashing a strand of faded blue hair to her. “The stupid paint did dye some of the bleach though, which totally sucks.”

“You babysit Todd Carther?” Steve asked, drawing your attention back to him and indented a hard frown onto your face. Robin caught the look and wrapped an arm tightly around your shoulders, squeezing them too hard. 

“Oh yeah, Y/N is utterly fearless.” Robin announced with a grin.

“I know his older brother Matt; wicked dude, total party animal. He threw the best parties at the end of the basketball season. Totally rad…” he trailed off with a doofy grin, clearly imagining the fun times he’d had at some shitty house party.

“I know Matt too. He groped Sylvia Newman in the middle of freshman English for a stripe of Fruit Stripe gum. He assaulted her and didn’t even get detention for it.” you replied stonily, narrowing your eyes at him.

“Oh… bummer.” Steve tried. You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “No, I’m serious. I didn’t know about that, that’s really fucked up. I don’t hang out with him anymore, but if I did I’d stop.”Steve said more confidently this time, running a hand through his overstyled hair. 

That...wasn’t the answer you were expecting. It knocked you out of your senses and you took a moment to respond. “Yeah...well I take money from his parents so I mean nobody’s perfect. And that whole family’s fucked up anyway.” Steve smiled slightly and you tried not to notice it. He just looked so proud of himself. It was almost endearing. But not enough to make you want to care.

“So, anyway, Steve? You go on break yet?” Robin asked.

Steve furrowed his brow, looking at Robin as though she’d grown a third head. Robin nodded her head towards you strangely and suddenly Steve blurted “That’s the girl? Really?”

You whipped around to look at Robin, utterly appalled. You had a sinking feeling that the whole reason you’d been invited out today was to be introduced to some guy, but you had no idea it would be so quick and for the guy to be Steve motherfucking Harrington. You couldn’t believe it. I mean he was the dumbest, more generic guy at Hawkins High. You swore he’d won the metal for stupidest questions in your Home Economics class in freshman year. He was just…such a dork! How he’d gotten so popular, you had no idea. Maybe this town was such so void of charm and charisma that even the most empty, callus boy could become a god with a wink and a smile.

“What does he mean that’s the girl?” you asked, your face pulling into a look of sheer anger that could stop a man in his tracks.

“Oh great work, Harrington, now you’ve done it.” Robin sighed, pulling her purse across her chest, smacking his arm roughly.

“Robin, what does he mean? What did you do?” you snapped, forcing her to look at you. Her face pulled into a look that you knew too well. Regret, embarrassment, and just a little bit of fear.

“I might have promised Steve that I’d introduce you to him.” You groaned loudly, your head falling back to look at the white tiled ceiling. Robin pressed on, her face turning into a look of sympathy, her smile made of rubber. “Because you’re so great! He doesn’t have many friends his own age anymore and I just thought-”

“Oh I know what you thought.” You bit out.

“Well, are you coming or not?” Robin turned to Steve, completely ignoring you.

Steve’s face turned sour and surprised and he looked between the two of you and then to the clock above you. “I mean…I kind of have some stuff to finish up here and I should really wait until Keith gets here before I go on my break…don’t want Mr. Mueller mad at me again.” He scratched the back of his neck, shrugging awkwardly.

Robin clicked her tongue “Since when do you care?” Steve simply shrugged again. “Y/N, can you wait for me outside?”

You nodded, turning on your heel and heading out just far enough to be out of sight. You wanted to hear whatever they had to say.

“Dude what the fuck? You wanted this!” Robin whispered violently.

“Yeah but I didn’t want her!” Steve replied. You didn’t see the smack, but you sure heard the sound of skin hitting skin and the embarrassing yelp Steve let out.

“Yeah well, you’re going to come with us and you’re going to be nice. Because I did this for you. And now you have to accept it.” Steve didn’t respond, which must have been a good sign for Robin.

“Remind me to never do anything nice for you ever again…” Robin muttered as their footsteps charged closer to you and you scurried out the open door, choosing to lean against the burning hot glass, crossing your arms over your chest and knocking the sunglasses from the top of your head to your face again.

“You ready to head out?” You asked, standing up straight, smiling at Robin.

“Yeah, just waiting for Harrington to put the sign.” Behind her, Steve was hanging the tiny clock shaped sign on the door, trying to figure out what time it would be when they got back.

“Just put four fifteen, Steve, Keith will be back by then and your shift will be over like immediately anyway. You clocked out, right?” Robin said quickly, turning to you to add “Keith is a menace; he doesn’t like to work with anyone and kicks everyone off the floor whenever he can.” You nodded boredly, you’d heard this when she worked with him at the arcade; she quit whereas he got fired, it was a point of bragging for her.

“Yes, Robin. I did what you said. I don’t like this idea, I need this job more than you do.” He muttered bitterly. You raised an eyebrow curiously. Bitter looked decent on him.

“Oh, will you relax? Let your hair down a bit, dingus.” Robin grinned, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. The three of you headed down the street to the cheesy diner Burger in a Basket. The whole place was themed after a fifties diner, complete with neon and pastel colours and fifties nostalgia on the walls. Bikes, hoola hoops, records, pictures of dead icons like Elvis and Marilyn Monroe, movie posters-the whole shebang. You didn’t go there for atmosphere, no, you went for the food. Robin insisted that it was the best burger she’d ever had and you’d be hard pressed to find one better in Hawkins. You didn’t know if Steve had been initiated into the burger ritual yet, but you didn’t really care.

Entering the teal and pink dining room, you nodded to the poor young thing in the giant black beehive wig and roller skates, you and Robin heading towards your normal booth. Steve followed behind, wide eyed and a little bit horror struck. You slid into the booth and grabbed the menus out of the rack at the table, handing them out wordlessly. Robin pushed Steve towards your side of the booth and he begrudgingly slid in, much to your dismay.

“You dragged me out of work…to go to a cheesy themed diner?” Steve asked incredulously.

“Just wait till you try it, Steve, it’ll change your life.” Robin said with a grin, flipping open the menu. You knew that she always ordered something different each time you came. You always ordered the same thing so you didn’t bother to open yours. Steve cautiously followed Robin’s example, flipping around with a wide eyed, innocent expression.

“Alright, welcome to Burger in a Basket, I’m Sylvia, how are you guys doing today?” the voice above you asked. You grinned as you saw Sylvia standing there in the stupid uniform. It was a comfort to know that her life was a little worse than yours. After all, she was such a bitch to you most of the time. That Matt Carther thing gave her plenty of room to get away with being a complete bitch, and it gave you something to use as a tester with guys in town. If they didn’t know who she was or they laughed, then they weren’t worth your time. Sure, you felt bad for her, but she treated you like dog shit for a year before dumping your ass to hang out with Macy Clarke and Nancy Wheeler.

“Hey Sylvia, we’re doing alright.” You said with a slight smirk, resting your head on your palms. Sylvia cringed slightly, but her eyes landed on Steve’s and her whole expression changed.

“Hey, Steve…” she murmured, pulling her lip into her teeth, grinning slightly.

“Hey, Sylvia, how’s it going?” he replied. Of course he’d go for her, you thought to yourself, she’s exactly his type. Just dumb enough to be cute but just pretty enough to hold your attention, with the slightest stink of desperation. You wanted so desperately to roll your eyes, but Robin was watching you with the knowing look, so you maintained your composure.

“I’m good! Can I get you a drink? Or are you ready to order? Do you need a minute?” you wanted to laugh; this was the best service you’d ever gotten at the restaurant. And it was all thanks to Steve.

“I mean…are you guys ready? I think I’ve got it figured out.” Steve said, gesturing to Robin with a nervous expression.

“Yeah, I’ll get the Fourth of July burger with mushrooms and can I get no mustard? Oh, and a diet coke.” Robin said, smiling confidently at Sylvia, who took down the order boredly.

“Sure, and for you, Steve?” she asked sweetly, fluttering her lashes.

“Um…I need a second more, Y/N can you order?” he muttered, leaning over to you. You nodded, surprised that him being closer to you didn’t upset you. It was almost…nice.

“Yeah sure…I’ll get the double hula burger with extra cheese, no pickles, no ketchup, and a triple thick chocolate shake.” You rattled off quickly, enjoying watching her struggle to get everything down.

“Alright, you ready, Stevie?” Sylvia asked and you noted the distinctive blush forming on his cheeks. Sylvia seemed too proud of her work and you wanted to wipe that look off her face. Pride was a bad look for her.

“Can I just get classic burger with mayo and extra tomato? And a coke?” he asked awkwardly, still clearly very unsure of himself.

Sylvia nodded “Perfect! I’ll be back with your drinks in a moment.” She said, turning and skating off, waving coyly to Steve as she headed back into the kitchen. You and Robin snickered, Robin rolling her eyes as soon as Sylvia disappeared.

“Oh my god we should have been bringing you since day one, they never give us that much attention!” you cried with a loud laugh.

“Dude, she wants you so bad oh my god!” Robin added, reaching out to slap his shoulder. Steve lowered his head, shaking his head.

“I totally remember her now…she had a thing for me in junior year, covered my locker in paper hearts. I wasn’t supposed to find out but I did. It was very uncool.” He muttered, shaking his head. You remembered that too, how she’d planned it for weeks, forcing you to help cut out pink, purple, and red hearts. You thought the whole thing was so cringy and weird, but she was dead set that he’d be intrigued by the mystery and sweetness of the action. She thought it was so cute. Barbra Holland unintentionally started the rumor that it was her, but you wished it was you to tell the world. Watching her slink home was worth the afternoons in the library with her calling you stupid for not cutting the heart out perfectly.

“She was just trying to put her feelings out there!” Robin replied incredulously.

“No, Rob, she was being weird. She could’ve shoved a note in his locker, send him a candy gram and Valentine, they do that every year for lacrosse team. She did something unnecessary and creepy to get attention. You’re just a hopeless romantic.” You grinned, reaching out to touch the bright red heart drawn in permanent marker on her wrist. You knew she had a thing for Jennifer Buffet, who worked at the now defunct Starcourt movie theatre. She always drew that little heart on everything whenever she had a crush, it was like she was trying to get caught, you didn’t get that; you always wanted to hide your crushes until the other person showed any interest in you. You wouldn’t usually agree or defend Steve Harrington, but he was right for once. You didn’t mind agreeing if he was correct for once.

“I am not!” Robin cried, crossing her arms over her chest.

You leaned in to whisper to her “Tell that to Tammy Turner.” Robin turned bright red and she leaned back into the vinyl seat, looking away from you.

“Oh was it bad?” Steve asked with a wide, doofy grin. You were surprised to know that he knew about Tammy, but you didn’t question it. Asking questions could reveal something that Robin didn’t want known. You were used to being careful with her.

“Ohhhh yeah, it was a rough year with her pine after that muppet.” Watching Robin pine after Tammy Turner was so embarrassing, since the girl was so straight. I mean the Steve thing was one thing, but the girl dated Tommy H for two weeks between his forty-second break-up with Carol. That’s the epitome of straight bullshit: finding Tommy H’ s awful, crass, and downright sexist attitude and sense of humor attractive and desirable. How Robin didn’t see that was beyond you.

“That’s what I said! She sounds like a damn muppet! Like Kermit the frog or something!” Steve cried, smacking the vinyl and turning to look at you fully. When he wasn’t trying so hard, he was actually pretty cute. His eyes blew wide and his smile reached its fullest capacity, straining to not split his face in half.

“I thought more Ms. Piggy, like when she sang with Elton John. She always like pinching up her mouth at the end of her words, she looks like a wrinkly old apple.” You said, giggling slightly. “Don’t go breaking my heart…” you imitated, pursing and squeezing your lips together, making a tiny ‘O’ with your lips. Steve’s eyes grew impossibly wider and he laughed far too loudly, his head tossing back. You turned to Robin, who was blushing crimson, fully turned away from the scene you were making. Sylvia skated over with your food and drinks, smiling far too much. She placed each order in front of you, angling herself so her chest landed in Steve’s face when she handed his order over to him. He didn’t seem to notice, he was too busy laughing.

“What’re you guys talking about?” she asked, tossing your order in front of you.

“That time you made Steve’s locker look like the Valentine’s Day massacre.” You grinned back spitefully.

Sylvia paled significantly and she reached up to adjust her wig, looking away. “That…that wasn’t me…” she replied softly.

“Yeah…yeah it was…” Steve said between breathes, wiping tears away from his eyes. Sylvia opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. She turned away quickly, skating out fast. You laughed hard when she ran off, hunching over in your seat.

“That was so mean!” Robin cried, looking between the pair of you with a stern look.

“She…she deserved it! After everything I dealt with from her, I get to have one!” you replied, shrugging softly as you recovered. Steve offered you a high five, which you took happily. You never thought in your life that you’d be laughing with Steve Harrington. Today was a weird day.

“Eat, both of you.” Robin snapped and you complied equally happily. You loved this place-everything was fresh and made to order. Sure, it was greasy and unhealthy, but you deserved a bit of comfort food once and awhile. Steve took his first bite and let out a very loud moan. You giggled, it was so stupid. And a little cute, you wouldn’t pretend that it wasn’t. And maybe a little hot. But you wouldn’t admit that.

“This is so good!” he said, muffled by his mouthful of food.

“It’s even better when you’re high.” You whispered, nudging his arm. Steve nodded in approval, clearly into the idea.

The three of you ate in silence, wolfing down your burgers without much of a hum save for the sounds of ice clinking in glasses and small slurps from straws. Burger in a Basket still had glass bottle of coke, the rumor was that they filled them up with every drink and washed them after, since they didn’t really make glass bottles of soda for retail sale anymore.

With only their fries left, the group returned to each other’s attention. To your surprise, Steve spoke first.

“Can I be like honest here?” he said, turning to face you once again. You nodded shortly, shoving a fry into your mouth. “I have like, no idea who you are. I really don’t.” you raised an eyebrow at him, unsure of how you were supposed to react to that news. You swallowed your mouthful, nodding to yourself.

“Yeah, I figured as much.” You replied “I remember you though.”

“Oh yeah, what for?” Steve leaned back in the booth, putting his arms over the seat. He looked to be ready to take in praise.

“I remember how shit you were on the basketball team. How shit that whole team was.” You replied with a chuckle, watching Steve deflate immediately.

“I was, like, the best player on the team!” he replied indignantly.

“That’s not saying much.” That line made Robin laugh and Steve curl further into himself.

“You really should’ve joined the track and field team. You were much better at that anyway.” You added softly.

“On what planet? I’ve never even done track and field.” Steve cracked bitterly.

“Yes you have, we all had to do it in middle school.” You said. Both Robin and Steve looked at you like you were crazy, so without any remaining shame, you pressed on.

“At the end of the year, every year of middle school, we had the grade-wide track and field meet. We all trained on basic stuff-long jump, cross country, shot put for the older kids, and high jump. Then, each grade would compete and the best of those kids would go onto the main competition. We all got a day off to watch and there were free freezies. It was one of the best days of the year.” You explained.

“Yeah, so what? I never competed.” Steve replied, watching you closely.

“Yes, you did.” Steve raised an eyebrow at you. You rolled your eyes and continued.

“You were in eighth grade and I was in seventh. You had won the long jump in your grade level because Jude Armstrong broke his ankle and I had won the high jump. So we both competed. I remember three things about that day: one; that I won the high jump against all the older kids and Tina tried to push me into the mud after I got my medal; that you and Tommy snuck off to smoke cigarettes during the high jump. You both pretended that you’d done it before, and maybe you had, but Tommy was coughing so hard even after that it was so obvious that he’d never even touch a cigarette before.  And three, that that was the year we were all forced to run the cross country race. Nobody had wanted to compete in the race, so they forced us to do it to set an example. I didn’t want to run it, I’m not a distance runner, but you were so confident. You didn’t look nervous at all. And when the whistle blew and everyone bolted, you held back. You came in third in the cross country race and second at long jump, against the odds on both. It was the coolest thing I’d ever seen.”

Steve nodded. You looked so pretty when you explained the memory, your whole face lit up and your smiled so softly. You looked angelic, it was truly a sight. But the memory itself turned his stomach.

“I remember that…” he muttered “What I remember about that day was my dad telling me that no other place matter except first and that I was absolute shit.”

You felt so bad, bringing it up at all. He looked so sad now, you regretting even commenting on it. “Oh…I’m sorry…” you said softly. Steve shrugged as if it meant nothing, as if he felt nothing. “God, what a dick and you were good too!” you cried.

“Nah, I kind of sucked.” Steve replied, pushing away the compliment with his hands.

“No seriously! We could have used you on the team, Jude Armstrong sucked ass after like freshman year! You showed real aptitude. And you’re built for it, strong legs and a good core. Let guys like Chuck Bronson stomp around the court, you should’ve came and competed with us, you would’ve won something.” You joked, kicking his shoe with your own.

Steve huffed “We got into the county semi-finals last year…”

“Yeah? We won country finals and got fifth in state. Half my team got into state colleges on scholarship based on that alone.” You replied haughtily.

“You gonna get one?” he asked.

“I might, I got a scout watching me. Don’t know if I’m gonna take it.”

“Oh yeah, why not?”

You grinned proudly “I’m hoping to follow in Emma Lancaster’s footsteps.”

“What she do?” Robin rolled her eyes at that comment.

“She got a full ride to NYU for fashion design.”

“You sew?”

You rolled your eyes “I’m the head of the costume department for the drama club.”

“It’s how we met.” Robin added proudly.

“Emma Lancaster founded and headed up the fashion club at Hawkins High and ran the sewing club. She wants to work for designer labels and head up her own one day. I just want to make costumes for plays. I’d work anywhere that paid and go to any school that offered money.” You explained.

“That’s cool, I hope you get it.” Steve said and you noted the slightest hint of sadness in his tone.

“How’s your planning going, Steve, got any ideas yet?” Robin asked, clearly catching onto the tone Steve had in his voice.

“Well…” he looked a little embarrassed as he spoke, but did so anyway “I was thinking about applying to the police academy in Carmel…it’s not a clear shot, but I’d like it more than working for my dad.”

“My uncle works there, I can put in a good word with him if you want.” Robin said cheerily.

“That would be cool. I just don’t know if I’d be any good.” Steve muttered to himself.

“I’d think you’d be pretty good, I mean you’ve got strong morals.” You turned to Robin “Remember when he broke freak Byers camera? He deserved that fucking shit.” Robin nodded in agreement.

“I mean yeah, Steve, you care about people. Like you take care of Dustin like he’s your brother. It takes guts to be genuine and unafraid about hanging out with literal children.” Robin added.

“You hang out with Dustin Henderson?” you asked curiously.

“You know Dustin?” Steve asked, equally confused.

“Yeah, my sister Stacy made fun of him for like a week last year after the snow ball for asking her to dance. I wanted to smack the shit out of her for it, it takes guts to ask somebody out, especially at that age.” You explained, slamming your tall milkshake glass on the table, having just slurped up the last drops of chocolate milk and whipped cream.

“Yeah well he’s got a girlfriend now named Suzie.” Robin said. Steve’s attention had turned to the window and you heard a small gasp.

“Shit, Keith’s here, I gotta run.” He pulled out his wallet and slapped a twenty dollar bill on the table before sliding out of the booth.

“Don’t get in shit, dingus!” Robin called after him.

He spun around quickly, jogging backwards “If you get me fired, I’ll kill you.” He looked you over slowly, a lopsided grin pulling at the corner of his mouth “I’ll see you around, Y/N?”

“Yeah, sure.” You smiled. Steve nodded happily and his back slammed into the poor dish boy, stumbling slightly before scampering off.

As soon as he was gone, Robin turned to you with a devilish grin “He likes you.” She giggled, reaching out to poke your shoulder.

“Good for him.” You replied, trying to seem confident and uncaring about the whole situation. Internally, you were utterly rocked. He’d gotten to you. You’d drunk the Steve Harrington kool-aid. He was deeper, more genuine, honest, and cooler than you’d ever expected him to be. You were utterly intrigued and now you had to know more. But you weren’t going to admit it now, not when Robin was being so cocky about it.

“I think you like him toooo!” she said in a sing-song tone.

You scoffed “No, not really.”

Robin saw right through you. But there was no sense in arguing when you were like this. You had too much pride to admit it now, especially with Sylvia floating around, looking for any excuse to rip the rug out from under you. But she had an idea.

“So, listen, I’m not working tomorrow and we haven’t hung out in forever. Wanna have a sleepover tonight?” Robin asked, pulling out cash from her wallet to cover herself and you, since she owed you money from the last time you’d gone out to eat.

“Sure, I’m not babysitting the brat tomorrow.”

“Great! You want to rent a movie or something? I get a discount at Family Video.”

You knew what she was doing, but you went along with it. No sense in calling her out now when she had a plan, it wouldn’t stop her anyway.

“Eh, whatever. I’m good either way.” You replied breezily.

“I wanna rewatch Carrie so let’s head over. Maybe grabbed some snacks too, I want some sour belts.” Robin said, climbing out of the booth and grabbing your hand, pulling you out. You didn’t really like horror movies and you really hated sour belts, they weren’t even sour, so you knew Robin was milking your ambivalence for all it was worth. What she didn’t know is that you actually kind of liked Carrie and you had a new dress that needed fitting and Robin would be the perfect model for it. Karma was a bitch.

Robin dragged you all the way to Family Video and inside, grinning at Keith and watching him blush as you passed by. He’d told you that he loved you the first and only time you hung out. You never called him back and Robin had to explain to him that saying I love you on a date that wasn’t even a date is the wrong move. Now, he wouldn’t even speak to you, which you didn’t mind.

“Y/N! Go gather as many packs of sour belts as you can get your hands on! I’m gonna find Carrie in the back!” Robin instructed.

“Get something fun too! Like the Princess Bride or something! Something I’ll actually watch!” you called after her. Robin flashed you a thumbs up and you sighed, turning on your heel and heading to the checkout line, grabbing lime green packs of rainbow striped, sugar coated candies off the rack and clutching them to your chest.

Robin found Steve in the back and, with very little pushing, sent him out onto the floor to talk to you. It only took two tries from him to get the courage to go and talk to you.

And again, he scared the shit out of you. He tapped you on the shoulder and you jumped a foot in the air, dropping all the sugary treats.

“Shit sorry!” Steve cried, dropping to his knees to clean up the mess.

“It’s okay!” you replied quickly, following suit. He shouldn’t have to clean up your mess after all. Your hands both rushed to grab the packages and when they brushed one another over the last packet, you couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t nice. The briefest chance of touch set your heart aflutter. You felt like you were ten years old again. He handed the packages over quickly, standing up just as fast. He offered you a hand up, which you took, if only to hold his hand for the briefest of moments. God, who even were you? You pulled it away fast.

“So…what’s with all the sour strips?” he asked, looking over the armful of candy you had.

“They’re Robin’s favourite. She told me to grab a shit ton, so I did. She’s grabbing the movies for tonight.” You explained.

“What movies?”

“Robin wants to watch Carrie. I’m hoping she gets something fun too, like Fast Times at Ridgemount High or The Princess Bride. Something funny.” You replied. You’d never smiled so much in a day, your face was starting to hurt but with Steve you couldn’t help it!

“Oh yeah? Having a sleepover or something?” that cocky Steve Harrington attitude was coming out, but it wasn’t making you as nauseous as it usually would, which was very odd.

“Yeah kind of. Which means Robin’s gonna wanna watch horror movies, eat so many of these until she pukes, and sneak malt whiskey from her father’s liquor cabinet.” You said, not hiding the slight disdain in your voice.

“Yeah? What’re you gonna do?”

“I’m gonna hem the dress I made for the Roenke County theatre’s production of Romeo and Juliet, sip vodka from my flask, and take away the sour belts when Robin gets sick.”

“Sounds fun?” Steve questioned.

“It probably won’t be,” you chuckled “But it’s not the worst way to spend a night.”

“How’d you think an evening with me would chalk up? In comparison I mean.” Steve asked, his hand coming to the top of the low black shelf to lean into you.

“Well I guess it would depend, what’s your plan?” you asked with a grin.

“Whatever you want.” He murmured softly, smirking far too confidently. You didn’t mind though, you knew what was underneath it all.

“Well, I’d have to think about it…how about you call me sometimes and we’ll talk about it.” You replied slowly, looking him up and down.

“Anytime, you got a pen?” Steve said. You nodded, pulling one out of your purse and grabbing his arm. You scribbled out your number on his palm, trying to make it as legible as possible and ignore how big and warm his hands were.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, that cool?” he said as you watched Robin saunter up too confidently, too proud of herself and of what she’d done.

“Sounds good.” You smiled, ignoring Robin’s cocky leer. “You ready to pay for this shit?” you asked as she walked up, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

“Gimme the belts, I got this.” Robin said, eyeing up Keith like she was going to beat him up. Maybe she was. “Wait in the car, okay? I didn’t bring mine, so you’re driving me home.”

You nodded “Got it.” You turned to Steve, smiling softly “I’ll see you around, Harrington.”

“Definitely.”

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

have you ever dressed up for halloween or for like a costume party? what's your favorite thing you've worn? do you like wearing jewelry? do you listen to podcasts?what's an interesting historical event you know a little about? when do you feel the most comfortable? do you have any piercings or tattoos? Are there any you'd like to get? what's one thing you're proud of?

Wow, All in huh??? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

1) Have I ever dressed up for halloween or for a costume party? NNNNNNNNOT REALLY. I wasn’t allowed to do Halloween after the age of like. Five? Because my parents got MORE religious than they’d already been and they decided halloween was evil. And then as an adult I didn’t have a lot of local friends or money so... not really most of the time. BUT! There was ONE YEAR when I was in my mid-20s, that my wife and I went to a Halloween party with some local friends. She was Death of the Endless, we dyed her hair black, I did her eye makeup, there was a cardboard-covered-in-tinfoil ankh necklace and everything. I that year dressed up as Delirium to go with her. I bought fishnets that I tore a couple holes in, had some clompy boots, bought a skirt and shirt at the thrift store, and dyed my hair... like Half of it was red, half of it was just random spots of bleached, blue, and green. (I actually went to a job interview the next day and frantically reassured the interviewer that I was bleaching my hair and dying it a more natural color later that week) It was very fun as a costume tho. OH tho last year for halloween I loaned my wife a purple dress I sewed for myself and we got her some white tights and a white scarf, and I dug out my purple henley and and jeans some bandaids for my face and fingers, and we went as Hawkeye for Halloween. She was Kate Bishop and I was Clint Barton. That was probably my favorite even tho it was so low-effort. 1.5) On its own line, I think this “what’s the fave you’ve worn” was meant to be about the costumes, which I answered above, but IN GENERAL the thing I’ve worn that’s my favorite has been

Do I like wearing jewelry? I do like wearing jewelry! I need to get new earrings bc the ones I had got lost, but I used to always wear like, small gauge horseshoe earrings with the balls that screw onto the ends? I just lost the balls on the ends. I also wear a necklace every day. And I used to have a wedding band but I don’t have one that fits currently and it drives me NUTS bc even years without it I feel  like I should have a ring on that finger.

Do I listen to podcasts? I listen to podcasts off and on! Mostly MBMBAM, The Magnus Archives, The Penumbra Podcast, and Faculty of Horror. We relisten to early WtNV to sleep sometimes, and I keep meaning to catch up on TAZ, but that’s not active yet.

What’s an interesting historical event I know something about? ...Gosh that’s hard. Like, I know some stuff about historical eras or cultures but EVENTS??? Hmmm... I. Fuck. I abruptly cannot think of ANY HISTORICAL EVENT AT ALL. I’m a fucking History Major this is embarrassing. Uh okay so... I can’t think of anything. I’m so sorry. XD

When do I feel most comfortable? When I’m curled up in bed and have Birdie pressed against my back with her arm around my waist. Bonus points for literally any of our other partners in bed as well, but that happens so rarely. :(

Do I have any piercings or tattoos? I DO! Piercings are easiest. I have my left lobe pierced 3 times (though all but the first might be closed) and my right 2 times (tho ditto), and the upper shell of my left ear once (but again, closed). TATTOOS gosh, ok I have, in chronological order: a) a sort of cross between a cross and a peace sign on the inside of my left ankle. I got it when I was 18 and still a Good Christian Girl, my church bff designed it, it stood for peace in Christ, and the only thing stopping me from trying to get a coverup is the fact that it’s REALLY heavy/thick black work, and the location which was really painful. b) the kanji 天使 (which translates to “angel”) on my right inner forearm, over self harm scars specifically. I got this when I was 19 and back living with my bigoted conservative family and suicidal and trying to remind myself that I was loved. I also picked it out of a book and was lucky that book had the right kanji tbh, but I picked it bc my parents wouldn’t be able to read it, and it meant “angel” which was Birdie’s pet name for me at the time, and she was living across the country from me. If I could go back, I would get a different angel-themed tattoo in the same place, but at least I have the proper kanji for it if I’m going to have an ill-advised Japanese tattoo. c) a little curled ivy tramp stamp I picked out of a book in a little tattoo shop on St. Mark’s Place in NYC at like 2am, do NOT ask, it was dumb. Thankfully easier to work into a larger piece if I ever have the money for a back piece. d) text that is now near-illegible (due to the delicate nature of the script and the time since I got it) on the back of my left shoulder. It says “the universe has been waiting for me” in Birdie’s handwriting. It’s a line from Donna Noble’s last episode of Doctor Who, and I had FEELINGS. e) text on the inside of my left wrist that says “alive or dead, the truth won’t rest.” specifically in courier new. It’s a quote from @seananmcguire​‘s book FEED, and Birdie has a matching tattoo on her wrist as well. f) A tattoo of Coyote and the Sun, with color, on the outer side of my right calf. It’s the only colored Tattoo I have. I plan to get a semi-matching tattoo on my left calf that is El-Ahrairah and the Black Rabbit of Inle doing sort of a yin-yang esque circle chasing each other. it’s a Trickster thing, tying animals commonly considered  to be Tricksters with stuff that is meaningful to me. Coyotes have always been important to me, I grew up in Arizona there were always coyotes about and I always loved them, and then Watership Down was a surprise true love of a book when I was a teen.

Are there any piercings/tattoos I’d like to get? Piercings not so much. Maybe an eyebrow one day idk. Tattoos tho, goddamn, I’ve got SO MANY PLANS. I want to get text tattoos - either part of a larger text-heavy design or separately - of “It’s chaos, be kind”, “You are not obligated to complete the work, neither are you free to abandon it”, and “Do good recklessly”. Other quotes I’m sure but those three specifically. Obviously the Watership Down/Rabbit the Trickster tattoo I mentioned. Also a design from one of the tattoos on one of the guards of the Pazyriyk ice maiden. Also ngl I kinda want to get the sigils for witcher signs on the backs of my fingers. Some people get “THUG LYFE” or “FUCK YOU”, I get “I WILL FUCK YOU UP (in symbolic form)” XD

What’s one thing I’m proud of? The fact that I’m alive. ...Seriously, I’m quite proud of that, I’ve had some shit years in my life, and I’ve nearly not made it more than once. I’m proud as HELL that I’m here. I’m proud that I’m in college. I’m proud that I’m writing again.

Thank you for all these questions! So many, lmao, but I loved it, thank you. ^_^

[jawnjendes]

i’m not usually like this | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

if theres anything you wanna see happen in this series, let me know!

masterlist | series playlist

It all started because he asked a simple question. “Do you ever wear anything that isn't black?”

I've heard this question many times in my life, from family members, to coworkers, to strangers in my classes. The context in which Shawn asked me, however, was different than normal; He was pulling off my sweatpants and noticed my dark underwear. I told him to shut up and proceeded to ride him into oblivion.

When I wasn't surrounding myself with a brick wall to keep me safe, when I was not being stone cold and expressionless, I was quite the sex fiend. I'll take it anytime, and just about anywhere. I mean, you already know the story of those three hours Shawn and I spent in my bedroom, knowing that my roommate was home. That's not even the worst of it. We've had sex in his car, my car, outside my car, my living room, his kitchen, a bar bathroom, and a stranger's dorm room.

Listen… Shawn Mendes is a man of many talents. If he wasn't my boyfriend, he would be a fuck buddy.

Anyway, he liked to tease me about my wardrobe choices just as much as he liked to praise me. Sometimes he would ask who I’m about to sacrifice to the dark lord, and other times he would thirst over my black skirt and tights. Even better, sometimes he put on his black floral shirt as an attempt to match my ensemble. But this story is about his teasing.

After going at it for an hour at his apartment (my thighs were incredibly fatigued and shaky), I had to get ready for work. It was easy to get out of Shawn's hold since he was so loose and sleepy. As soon as I was ready, I kissed him goodbye and left his apartment in spirits so high it was considered abnormal for me. How did I know it was abnormal? My manager kept pointing out how chipper I was as I answered phones and helped customers. When people notice, that’s when you know things are changing.

It wasn't until I stopped by Walmart after my shift did Shawn's words sink in. I do wear black all the goddamn time. My closet is 99% black t-shirts, button ups, pants, leggings, and even underwear! The 1% is when I'm slacking on doing my laundry, that's when I would wear white.

That's not to say I don't like other colors. I used to experiment with bleaching my hair and dying it blue or green. I was a sucker for neon eyeshadow, and I was an absolute slut for red lipstick. Things are fluid, nothing is ever set in stone.

I looked through some of the clothing racks, but it’s Walmart, so nothing really stood out to me. Then I found myself in the underwear department. I was trying not to laugh at myself in front of other shoppers, because this was mildly insane. Was I really considering buying Walmart lingerie to prove a point to my boyfriend? There were some decent options after all.

My eye caught a black, sheer nightgown with a matching g-string. I studied it for a minute before deciding that I had a lot of black lace already, and half of it wasn't even intimate apparel. The next set I noticed was a simple sheer bra and underwear, also black. Getting there, but it wasn't enough. There weren't any in my size, anyway. I dug through the racks until I spotted something girly.

The first thing that put me off was that it was pink… baby pink. It was another nightie, but it was made of sheer tulle instead of lace. There were little pink and red hearts all over the skimpy fabric, and it came with a lace thong. It was cute, but it was the least Me thing here. On any other day, I would not be caught dead wearing anything pastel.

That's exactly why I ended up taking it home.

I quickly raced back to my dorm, feeling like I had some dangerous weapon hiding in the bag I was carrying. I didn't stop to speak to anyone I knew, and I was very glad that Shawn wasn't currently on campus. However, he did text me asking me to spend the weekend at his place. It only added to the butterflies in my stomach.

“Stella!” I frantically called once I had shut myself in my room.

She came practically running, bursting through the door. “What happened? Who died? Oh - oh my god.”

I was facing the full body mirror that was leaning against the wall. I tried on the daring piece of lingerie, testing it out on whoever was willing to see me like this. Stella was the only person who had seen me in my underwear apart from my boyfriend. However, I still had the decency to cover my breasts with my hands because the nightgown showed a bit too much.

“You trying to seduce me, ‘cause it's working,” Stella teased, wiggling her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.

“Listen!” I turned to face her, trying to justify my outfit choice. “This was probably a stupid idea! It, it was an impulsive buy!”

“Dude, if he sees you in this, you're gonna end up pregnant.”

“Don't say that!” I looked down and twirled my body from side to side, watching the fabric swirl. I felt and looked a little too nervous.

“Seriously, you look hot. Just, y'know, maybe skip the heavy eyeliner and add more perfume. He'll link the scent to the time he had the best sex of his life.”

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “I'll do the perfume thing, but I can't skip eyeliner. I need something to make up for all the pink I'm wearing.”

Stella nodded. “Yeah, that's another thing. I know this is something you wear when you wanna get dicked down, but you look so soft and adorable!”

“Shit, if you keep saying things like that I just might spend the night with you instead.”

~

It was night by the time I was at Shawn's apartment. He was in the middle of songwriting, and he wasn't alone. His friend, Teddy, was over. I guess she helped him write sometimes. The two of them were singing to themselves and throwing potential lyrics back and forth at each other. Teddy was frequently writing on a scrap of paper or typing on her laptop. Shawn was strumming his guitar, and sometimes he would glance at me and wink.

I sat silently on the couch and half listened to them brainstorm. I was glad I decided not to leave my Switch at home.

“You're so quiet, is something wrong?” Teddy pointed out. I don't know why I wasn't expecting it.

“Don't wanna bother the artists at work,” I said, keeping my eyes on my intense game of Smash Bros.

“She's like that,” Shawn told his friend. “She'll warm up eventually.”

“That makes me sound like an asshole,” I replied with a chuckle, and then I gasped as my character on screen got knocked out.

Still, I remained quiet as they continued their session. I stayed in the same spot on the couch, curled up and thoroughly entertained. Shawn insisted I sit closer though, considering that I was on the opposite end of the couch from him. He liked my company I suppose, even if I wasn't speaking.

Eventually, Teddy got her things together and left. She gave me a hug, said it was nice to meet me, and then gave Shawn a look that said “have fun you two.”

When we were finally alone, I went into Shawn's room, telling him I wanted to change into my pajamas. It was sort of true, I mean. I grabbed my overnight bag and dashed into the en suite bathroom. Normally, I would have started with taking off whatever makeup I had on, but I only had on some intimidating winged liner and mascara. I needed that tonight.

Fixing up my hair and spritzing on a ridiculous amount of perfume helped keep my nerves at bay. My stomach fluttered when I pulled out the frilly pink item of clothing. This just might be my demise.

Once I was dressed, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and placed my hands on my hips. A wise lady in a hospital drama said standing like a superhero helps increase confidence, so that's what I did. I tried to channel my inner dominatrix, despite the fact that I was probably very far from being just that.

“I'm a strong lady,” I whispered to myself, then I huffed out a breath.

I ruffled my hair one last time before going to the door. I had my hand on the knob, but I could hear the sounds outside this very room. I could hear Shawn's footsteps, I heard the bed creak as he sat down. I heard the sounds of his guitar.

My heart started to race. It was ready to beat out of my chest.

I don't know why the first thing I thought to do when I finally opened the door was to unattractively clear my throat. It's not like Shawn wouldn't notice if I quietly left the bathroom.

He looked up from his guitar, and it took a second for him to process what he was looking at. His eyes lit up, and his jaw went slack.

Awkwardly, I placed one hand on the doorway and the other on my hip. I didn't know what to do with my face, so I slapped on the mock composure. I looked at my boyfriend, unsure if I should say something or not.

“No way,” Shawn finally spoke, a grin forming on his face. He set down his guitar and moved so he was sitting at the foot of the bed. “Come here…”

His eyes were moving up and down my body as I timidly stepped towards him. The look on his face was full of surprise and wonder, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. I mean, I was in skimpy attire and none of it was dark. Anyone who knew me wouldn't believe it.

Shawn took my hands when I was close enough, and he shamelessly checked me out. His eyes stuck on my tits just long enough to raise the tension in the room.

I was still finding my voice. I was probably more flustered than he was.

“You're too cute,” he told me, finally looking at my face. “When did you get this?”

“Today,” I said softly. “I don't know, I looked for something black… this was all I could find in my size.”

“I'm really glad you went with this. You're so cute. The pink makes you look almost innocent. Turn around for me.”

A shy smile crept up on my face as I slowly spun around. I quickly came to realize that I was willing to do just about anything he wanted. Wow, and I thought I was going to have power tonight.

“So adorable,” Shawn mused when I was facing him again. “You're the cutest fucking thing ever, you know that?”

My roommate had said similar things, but it hit me different hearing it from my boyfriend. My face was probably redder than the hearts on this stupid nightie, and Shawn could probably see that.

“I don't wanna be cute,” I mumbled, looking down at our hands. “I wanna be sexy.”

“Trust me, you're very sexy. I, I don't even know what to do. That's why I keep talking. God, you're so pretty.” His hand went up and stroked my cheek.

Stop fucking talking and just take me already!

The only way I could express that was by bringing Shawn's hands to my waist, giving him permission to touch me wherever the fuck he wanted. His breathing picked up a little more as he ran his hands down to my lower hips, reaching around to grab my ass.

I delicately placed my hands on his shoulders, and he leaned in to kiss my collarbones. He kept mumbling about how pretty I was, and it made me feel some kinda way. I could feel just how hot his body was getting being so close to mine, it made me even hotter. His hands moved up to my stomach, moving under the nightie, and running along my skin. My body felt so alive and ablaze.

“Your heart's going fast,” he pointed out, placing a hand on my chest. “You nervous?”

I nodded. “More than I'd like to admit.”

He smiled warmly, and then showed me his hands. Seeing them tremble gave me some kind of relief and an ounce of confidence. I made him feel like that. He was turned on because of me.

Shawn stopped me when I grabbed the ends of my nightie to take it off. “No. Leave it on.”

“Really?” I asked. “Won’t it be in the way or something?”

He shook his head, looking up at me with something like desperation in his eyes.  “I… wanna do unspeakable things to you in this thing. We're leaving it on. Now get your ass on the bed.”

I would have fainted if he hadn't given me an order.

[kob131]

https://rwdestuffs.tumblr.com/post/187342767682/not-be-be-all-double-standards-but-taiyang-has

I’m tackling his reblogs from here.

I think it’s more about how the narrative built them up rather than the actions.

The narrative made Tai out to be a guy who was struggling to put his life back together for the sake of his kids and had a definitively good relationship with all of them and would go to the sun and back for them. Then it turned out that not only did he drown himself in his work, but he also opted to garden instead of go with Yang to look for Ruby.

Notice how he tries to treat ‘struggling to put his life together and ‘drown himself in work’ as if they were happening in the same timespan, not, you know: one after the other. Dudeblade, you don’t get to rewrite the order of events to support your headcanon while arguing it to be truth.

And let’s honestly think about this for a second. Do we REALLY want yet ANOTHER character to the cast? I could give the same argument of ‘he’s suppose to teach at Signal’ but let’s address the actual reason why Taiyang can’t go with Yang: He serves no purpose. There is NOTHING for him to do as Yang’s issues need to be dealt with by Yang, Ruby is closer to Qrow, we already have Qrow as the tragic member of proto-Team RWBY. We already have issues between Oscar and Jaune, we don’t need ANOTHER fight for screentime. So the question is: Do you want Taiyang to eat up screentime, especially considering your hatred of him is because of your issues with your mom, or can we just accept the excuse since it makes sense AND prevents more writing problems?

Willow, on the other hand, was made out to be neglectful at best, or abusive at worst. Since she got married to Jacques and ended up being an alcoholic, she was indeed made out to be neglectful.

No, that’s RAVEN.

Willow is portrayed as a victim who incidentally caused issues with Weiss, since her being an alcoholic is DIRECTLY related to Jacques using her. And by your rules, that means she should be attacked.

And Raven was made out to be a bitch.

You know Dudeblade, you’d be more convincing if you didn’t have a history of trying to portray Raven as basically being Summer or trying to downplay her abuse while completely rewriting canon to demonize Taiyang.

TL;DR: Willow and Raven fulfill what their characters were made out to be, Tai was not. Which is why he gets demonized while Raven and Willow do not.

Except by your own rules: Willow isn‘t fulfilling her character.

You BLATANTLY ignore canon with Taiyang.

And one look at your ‘savior mom raven’ series says otherwise.

Also, at least Raven saved Yang’s life once. Taiyang just belittled her and made callous comments about her lost arm. 

Raven: Saved Yang’s life once which she used to try and manipulate Qrow into siding with her while also using Qrow to tell Yang that she didn’t actually care about her.

Taiyang: Gave not one, not two but THREE speeches about how great Yang is while using moping as a way of empahsizing how little her depression is in comparison to her while raising her alone for over a decade and even trying to make Raven look good to Yang despite all the damage she caused not just to him but Yang and Qrow as well.

THAT is what you are comparing.

You could have directly had this conversation with me instead of doing it like this. I mean… Bashing me for my ship preferences? How much of a warning is that?

Dudeblade you BLOCK him in this chain because he corners you.

And your shipping preferences actually DO matter here since it feeds into the idea that you’re a man hater.

But also, your idea of Taiyang needing to teach at Signal is kinda debunked by the fact that both Port and Oobleck point out that it would be perfectly reasonable for him to go out and look for Ruby. Taiyang instead states that he has to take care of Yang instead.

And Port and Oobleck are right...why again? Also refer to my previous argument about this.

But let’s give the benefit of the doubt here. let’s say that Taiyang wasn’t teaching because he was taking care of Yang. Then why does the narrative choose to show him gardening instead of teaching or defending Vale/Patch?- That was a choice on the narrative to show him gardening instead of teaching or clearing out grimm. Which means that either a) Taiyang wasn’t teaching at the moment (In which case, that needed to be better conveyed to the audience),  or b) that Taiyang is slacking off.

Because the narrative needs to show Taiyang noticing the feather of Raven in order to communicate that he knows she’s there. It also gives us some insight into what he actually thinks of Raven (seeing as he looks miserable at the sight), connects Raven to the home in Patch (which itself acts as the grounds where the family lives) and makes Raven more pitiable (The ONE person left who might have accepted Raven is visibly miserable at her arrival? That’s pretty fucking sad even for Raven.)

Also, what canon evidence do you have that Taiyang is absolutely needed to teach at Signal? What evidence do you have for Taiyang even teaching at all?- That’s all your headcanon.

“With Beacon gone they'll need Dad at Signal more than ever-”

Nope, that’s what Ruby said. And if Oobleck and Port, two people who we never knew had a connection to Taiyang before are right, then Ruby Rose, Signal graduate and his fucking DAUGHTER, is most certainly right.

And Yang has two moments where she says that Taiyang wasn’t entirely there for her.  She explicitly says this twice.

Yeah, bullshit.

A. Don’t think I didn’t catch that manipulative little detail of yours. ‘entirely there’ and ‘always there’ imply VERY different things, with entirely saying that Taiyang is somehgow distant to Yang and always implying a period of tie of disconnect. You choose that word because while it’s surface level means the same thing, the actual meaning is very different.

And B. That second example also says Yang was being emotional and has Yang placing blame on Summer for dying. That is disingenious as fuck.

Do you have evidence to the contrary? Last I checked, all you have is a headcanon that Tai is best dad™. Meanwhile, I have actual canon evidence.

“ She's actually a really great fighter! You can tell she's learned a lot from Dad!”

The fact that TAIYANG TAUGHT YANG, meaning considering Yang’s level of skill and how she went through all years of training at Signal, means he was there for a significant amount of time.

And your evidence is one manipulation of intent and one disingenuous. So no, you don’t.

And “Sociopath”?- Really? Just because I sympathize more with Yang over Tai?

More like you demand fictional characters be killed off or maimed in brutal ways (Jaune or Taiyang) because you project onto them...or the numerous incidents where you either call people Nazis, call them brainwashed because they don’t fit your narrative or ACTIVELY CALL FOR DEATH.

You reblog from known harasser/stalker/racist/sexist KOB.

Cool-

You reblog from known racists, know sexists and known SUCIDE BAITERS while all being ONE YOURSELF.

If he’s wrong, then you are. And funny thing is, I don’t believe that.

1: I never told anyone to drink bleach. I wanted it for myself because of knightof “BLM Is making things worse for black ppl by making more racists” balance. A person you reblog from regularly. Guess you didn’t catch him saying that.

Yeah-

He’s probably talking about Mage. The bisexual guy you said that to after you preached about LGBT suicide rates and he called you out ad then ‘apologized by putting the blame on him and saying you wanted him to go into a coma. And just for reminding me of that: I’m gonna be as sadistic as possible.

2: I apologized for that, and I took the post down.

You said you took it down because ‘neo-nazi right wingers’ were ‘harassing’ you and added on a fake ‘and it was wrong’ thing while keeping that waterboarding tag of yours. Also, that JSWV incident you keep pulling out even in THIS post? I did the same thing AND MORE. So you’re actually worse STILL by your own rules.

3: I headcanon Yang as a lesbian. I just get angry when people shove other headcanons down other people’s throats.

Then I assume you punch yourself whenever you call people homophobic for disagreeing with you?

Yang doesn’t have to resent Tai for him to be negligent. She can have other reactions to it. Like, say, not opening up to him about her issues. Or her calling him by name instead of “dad” like she did when she was talking to Weiss. It’s a complex thing.

Or you know, open up to him about her issues and call him dad like EVERY OTHER APPEARANCE?

Also: You ignore the resentment against Raven.

Aside from this, you are ignoring what my original response was about. It was about intended characterization

And you’re full of bullshit either way.

Y’know what?- I’m going to block you after this. And don’t think about using that as an excuse to claim that you won or anything, I’m just tired of your bullshit. Also, don’t think you can just pull a kob and just copy/paste my posts so that you can argue them. Otherwise, I’d have to report you.

Yeah, how many times have you tried that with me? It never works.

And you ARE silencing him. SO guess what? Time for a classic KOB-style beatdown.

(I’ll unblock you after  this for convenience sake, but next time,   don’t pull this shit because it could be seen as block evasion). 

Oh fuck off.

All I’m saying is that it should have been better conveyed. It was also the middle of the day when Tai was last seen, he should have been in school teaching if that were the case. I would have less of a vendetta against Tai if he was shown in a classroom, or out in vale clearing out some grimm when Raven went to him, but the narrative chose to show him gardening. Which is a poor look for Taiyang.

If you ignore everything we know about school, like days off, or the limitations of the budget while also maliciously misinterpeting scenes: sure.

Although you never seem to accept that with Yang or Raven...

And again: I have to go back to intended characterization.-

Once again: You CANNOT try ‘intended characterization while ignoring the intentions in other scenes and EXPLICTEDLY trying to make things look worse than they are. You’re bullshitting.

Lastly: It was bad writing that made Taiyang out to be a bad dad.-

No Dudeblade, as seen by how the writing continuously CONTRADICTS you: it’s personal bias.

On top of all  of that, Yang got shafted on screentime in volume 4 because the writers said that it would be “boring” watching her mope around a house all day 

Citation needed and when they tried that you all proceeded to huff paint and demand more fight scenes.

It’s your choice to like Taiyang and not ship ros/ebird, just like how it’s my choice to do the opposite. I ship rosebi/rd because I’m a slut for angst. And that Raven is leagues more interesting than Tai.

Except that A. You ship rosebird because you have a yuri fetish and B. you project a perfect vision of your mom onto Taiyang. Just more bullshit.

No really, if you love angst so much: PHOENIX should be your ship as there’s more angst on Taiyang’s side than Summer. Or SummerXQrow. Or hell, QrowXTaiyang. All of which have more positive chances (and thus, more angst) than from Rosebird, where one side nuked Ruby in the face for sounding like the other side.

Plus, I find it irritating that criticism about Tai always has to go in the rwde tag while criticism about Raven can go in her main one. It honestly feels like a double standard… Which is something that I have found to be commonplace in the fndm.

It doesn’t.

You just do it because the main tag isn’t your echo chamber in regards to Taiyang.

Did you know that some people unironically called Jacques “A stern parent trying to discipline Weiss” but then turn around and call Willow “A bitch who should take care of her kids”?

Citation Dudeblade, that sounds like a troll.

And it’s still not as bad as Taiyang “abusive parent who was never there for Yang” and Raven “misunderstood loner mom who totes cares for Yang more than the loving father who raised her.”

[thisisnoticecreamthisisbutter]

Dusk Til Dawn

AU - Vampire & Werewolf High School

Name - Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul (ชิตพล ลี้ชัยพรกุล) / Ten

Open/Closed - Closed

Closed To - @taetaeloli

Location - Suncheon High School, Seoul, South Korea

Time - 7:30 a.m.

~

A dark haired male fiddled absentmindedly with the silver ring that sat innocently on his middle finger, his eyes trained on the piece of metal. On the ring there was crest; the foreign teenager’s family crest to be exact. It displayed to others, who he belonged to, which happened to be the Leechaiyapornkul family. Said family was a well known vampire family in Bangkok, Thailand.

Yes, vampires. It wasn’t the stereotypical kind of vampires either. They weren’t grotesque. They are capable of consuming food, especially garlic. They definitely do not sleep in coffins nor live in dark, damp places like dungeons or basements or whatever comes to a human’s mind. Vampires are also still alive. Their heart still beats in their chest, pumps blood throughout their body. They are beautiful and elegant in appearance and some are also beautiful in personality since there are plenty of horrid ones in the species. Vampires do possess the stereotypical capabilities: enhanced strength, speed and senses. They even have the stereotypical glowing crimson colored eyes. Vampires can never avoid the effects of vervain, which can weaken a vampire to the point where the vampire’s healing capabilities are slowed. Coming in physical contact with vervain can even burn the vampire. While he along with vampires can’t protect themselves against vervain, they are capable of protecting themselves from sunlight. They can go out in the sunlight albeit with the help of a sunlight ring, which was created by witches to prevent vampires from suffering damage from the harsh sun. The ring that was on the teenager’s finger was exactly that. It was a ring spelled by a witch to protect it’s bearer from being burnt to a crisp under the harsh rays of the sun. The young vampire’s ring was spelled by a popular and powerful witch from Thailand by the request of his now deceased parents.

The vampire’s gaze drifted away from his family ring before peering out of the car window, curiously. He’s never been here before. Well- he’s never been to this country in his life. He has always lived in Thailand in the city of Bangkok. He never really expected that he would find himself in South Korea by himself. He always expected that he would be in a different country with his mother, father and little sister, but nope. He was by himself in a foreign country. Ten would usually be nervous or feeling completely uneasy and on edge, but he was still in contact with two of his childhood friends. Both of them had moved to South Korea a couple of years ago because of family reasons. It was rather lonely not having anyone to spend time with, but settled on focusing his energy on his studies, which landed him here in South Korea. Ten was accepted into Suncheon High School due to his grades, which he had his previous school send them to schools in Seoul. He received multiple acceptance letters, but the declined all but one since he remembered two of his friends attended school there. That’s the main reason why Ten chose this high school. There’s also the fact that the school allows vampires, werewolves and surprisingly humans into the school. This would be the first time he’s been to a school that allows all three species. Usually there are only vampires allowed or only werewolves or only humans allowed with the occasional vampires and werewolves only schools. That’s what he and his friends attended, the co-species schools since his two friends were two different species. One of them was a werewolf while the other was a vampire just like him.

Ten began tapping his foot against the floor of the car as his nerves began to get a hop of him. Ahhhh~ He wanted to hurry up and get at the school. He wanted to see his friends again. He missed hanging out with Lisa and BamBam, going shopping, heading to a karaoke room, getting food, roaming around in the park or doing whatever. The vampire visibly perked up when his driver told him that they would be arriving at their destination meaning the school. A bright and adorable smile appeared on his face while the vampire moved in the back seat to get a better look at his school. It was a pretty huge school and it made the teenager’s eyes sparkle from how it looks. It looked better and a lot more impressive than his old school in his opinion.

Once the car stopped, Ten eagerly got out of the car with his backpack in hand while telling his driver his thanks before closing the door behind him. He slipped his backpack on with a smile on his face before turning around, waving goodbye to his driver. He stopped waving when he lost sight of the car before shifting his attention back to the school building.The vampire fiddled with the ring on his finger for a moment or two before moving towards the building and past the school gates with a slight bounce in his step. He couldn’t help but be excited, but he kept his cool and refrained from showing how eager he was. Ten found himself tugging on the black sleeve of the uniform jacket he wore when he neared the school and his nerves were getting to him.

The vampire pushed the door open and walked into the building already feeling lost. He silently looked around, his eyes scanning anything that  would help point him to the office so he could get his name tag and class schedule. Ten was mentally translating the korean words he saw into his own language. When he spotted a sign that pointed him in the right direction, he obediently followed where it was telling him to go and it didn’t take long for him to arrive at the faculty office. He went straight to the receptionist that sat behind the desk before going through the whole mess of getting his class schedule and name tag and that mess in general. (Poor writer of this mess is getting so tired of it so fast). The vampire had zoned out while he was pinning his name tag to his jacket before entirely zoning the adult even further when he realized that she was still talking. The only time he snapped out of it was when he heard her ask him if he understood what she was talking about. Ten immediately and sweetly smiled at her while obviously saying that he did understand before she ushered him away so he could find his first class.

Ten didn’t mind. He wanted to hurry up and get to his first class and meet up with his old friends and explore the school in general. That’s more or less why he tuned the woman out. He didn’t want time to drag on longer than it should. He wanted to speed things up and if that meant ignoring the woman then sure, why not. The vampire gazed at the piece of paper in his hand, blankly staring at the first time slot as he slowly processed where the hell he was suppose to go. Sure he could have asked someone for help, but he didn’t really want to bother anyone especially when everyone looked busy and he wanted to find his classroom by himself anyway.

Ten attempted to figure out where he was going and he thought he had it when he found himself in front of a classroom door. He glanced down at the paper then at the nameplate by the door. It had the same last name and first initial of the teacher who was suppose to be his teacher…so that means that this is the right classroom. Ten didn’t even notice the room number. He just kind of ignored it; his eyes skimmed right over it and shrugged it off as unimportant. Wrong move on his end in all honesty. If he did bother to look then he’d realize that this was the wrong classroom. Since he didn’t bother looking well… he just walked right on in.

First thing he noticed was that everyone in the room so far was a werewolf. Second thing he noticed was that the second he walked in there were immediately looking at him as if he kicked their pet or something. It was unnerving, but this was his classroom so the vampire went further into the classroom. He didn’t know where he wanted to sit. His eyes scanned the room before spotting an empty seat beside a wolf that wasn’t paying him any attention. So he made up his mind to side to sit by that wolf. Ten went straight to the wolf. The closer he got the more aware he was about the wolf’s appearance. Obviously the wolf chose to not wear the uniform jacket and he was barely wearing the uniform like how it should be. His hair was bleached and dyed to rather shocking and surprising shade of white. It wasn’t bad. In fact, it made the wolf look hella good in his opinion. It complimented the wolf’s skin tone and his overall aura.

Ten gently grasped the back of the chair before pulling it back so he would have enough room to be able to sit down in the chair. The vampire shrugged off his backpack, setting it on the ground before sitting down in the pulled out chair. The vampire wasn’t entirely oblivious. He could sense the tension in the room and it made the vampire anxious and jittery. So to distract himself from all the eyes focused on him, Ten set his attention to the werewolf that has yet to show any signs of hostility towards him. ”Good morning. My name is Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul. I just transferred here from Thailand so my name might be a bit of a mouthful so call me Ten. What’s your name?” The vampire chirped with a sweet and adorable smile on his face, easily ignoring the others in the room. He wanted to befriend this wolf mostly because he has yet to get a negative response from him just by walking into the room. It’s weird. At his old school - schools - no one get glared at for walking into a classroom. Although mostly everyone in the classroom so far is a wolf. Maybe they’re mad since he intruded in their “territory” maybe? Ah… He didn’t know and he wouldn’t catch onto the reason why they’re so fucking salty until someone tells him that there was a whole werewolf vs vampire shit happening in the school. Of course Ten wouldn’t understand the purpose of the whole thing and call it out on being a load of stupid bullshit in a very loud voice and in a less colorful way straight in that person’s face. He didn’t get it. He didn’t see the point so he would just call all of those people idiots. Sure he had that kind of stuff at his old school, but it was just competitive fun unless they legit hated someone then that’s an entirely different story.

[alwayssunnyprompts]

“The Gang Makes Paddy’s Great Again” Scene Continuation Fic

It’s here. 

Writing this has been a labor of love, but a labor all the same! I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing hurt Mac, overwhelmed Dennis, and the emotional fallout of recent events. This takes place post-The Gang Makes Paddy’s Great Again, essentially directly after the end of the episode. Enjoy!

He goes home with Mac. Home to��Mac. The ride back from Paddy’s is painfully quiet. At first he tries to make some conversation, asks him about that annoying Cindy and even dances around the subject of…the doll. But, they all fall flat, come up empty. Mac is clearly focused on the road and Dennis can see his jaw clenching, his eyes set and hard, facing forward. 

He doesn’t speak the whole drive.

And Dennis doesn’t like it, because the buzz of the AC blasting through the vents and the ticking of Mac’s blinker cut through the silence so loudly that he can feel them pulse in his head. A switch is flipped and suddenly he’s hyper-aware of every sound—Mac’s deep, measured breathing, the squeak of his breaks, an ambulance in the distance, the click of his own teeth as his jaw works unconsciously, grinding them together. Chills travel up his spine, and he feels cold sweat forming on his aching forehead. His blood pressure is through the roof, whether it’s anger or frustration or fear or guilt or any number of emotions that he’s trying to put a name to but can’t. The Bad Empty Feeling reaches down to the pit of his stomach, and just as he thinks he might throw up—Mac parks the car, and he realizes they’re home.

Wordlessly, Mac unbuckles his seatbelt, hardly waiting for Dennis to follow as he starts up the stairs. Dennis falls in step quickly, terrified to say anything, nausea still rolling dangerously in his stomach.

They get to the fork in the hall and Dennis stands for a moment, swallows convulsively. Why does he feel so afraid?

“It’s um...it’s this way, Den—Dennis. If you don’t remember.” Mac speaks so quietly and so awkwardly that it’s a wonder Dennis hears him at all. The implication that Dennis has forgotten how to get to the apartment they’ve lived in for a over a decade is hilarious and just a tinge painful.

“I know, Mac. I was just thinking,” he keeps his voice level and calm—informative rather than accusatory.

“Oh. Right.” Mac looks down, a blush coloring his cheeks. Is he...embarrassed? In front of him? Why would Mac be embarrassed in front of him? He quiets the part of his brain that wants to demand an explanation.

“Come on,” he says softly, placing a hand on Mac’s back to guide him. He doesn’t expect Mac to tense up, flinching away from the contact, mouth pressed tightly shut again as he walks a little quicker to unlock the door.

Even though it’s a bullshit emotion, Dennis can feel the heartbreak gushing through his veins. He probably deserves this. The nausea is back in full force, and he breathes deeply to try and calm it.

Mac must be angry at him. Really angry. It takes a lot for him to resort to this uncomfortable silence. Usually, he won’t shut up, even if Dennis is tired and volatile and seething with rage. Even then, Mac seems almost willfully oblivious.

As soon as they enter Mac’s meticulous recreation of their apartment, his vision starts swimming. Tears? Vertigo? Either way, he feels sick. He can’t move. Is he breathing? He doesn’t know. His head is tight and his brain feels swollen. Maybe it’s a stroke and he’s dying, and for a split second he wants it to be, because he’s a piece of shit and he’s kidding himself if he thinks he’s ever going to turn his life around.

It’s over, because he ruined the one good thing he had going for him.

He tries to speak but his throat is locked up and all that comes out is a low moan, pathetic and choked.

Mac, who’s busied himself in the kitchen, looks up from the water he’s pouring.

“Dennis?”

Concern fills his voice. He crosses the room in a few large strides, at his side in a second, hands hovering just over Dennis’s arms like he’s afraid to actually touch him. His searches Dennis’s face intently, brow furrowed and eyes squinting slightly. The expression is so familiar, so comforting. But his face is guarded, detached, in a way that it never was before. He’s not sure if his body can handle the waves of regret and guilt that threaten to swallow him.

“Are you okay?” He speaks so gently that Dennis almost bursts into tears. “What is it?”

Dennis feels his head shaking. No, no, no, not okay. Not okay.

“I know, I know,” Mac soothes, “Can you tell me what’s wrong? Does anything hurt?”

He thinks hard before shaking his head again. Not physically hurt. 

Mac gets the message, nodding slowly, his eyes never leaving Dennis’s, warm and caring like they’ve always been, and he leads Dennis toward the bathroom, fingers ghosting over him but still not making contact. This feels like how they’ve always been but it’s all so warped with age and time and mistakes and pain that he thinks he might want to die here, in this moment, rather than think about any of it ever again.

But Mac won’t touch him.

The bathroom is white and smells like bleach, sterile and cold. He hates it. But he feels too sick to be anywhere else in the house, so he lets Mac lead him and sits slowly down on the floor. Mac stands over him for a minute. He looks so intimidating and strong. Dennis’s mind wanders away from him, empty and dazed. Mac is goddamn beautiful.

And then Mac lowers himself to sit next to Dennis, cautious and deliberate, watching him like he’s a wild animal.

It’s still so quiet.

They sit that way for few minutes. Though it could have been anywhere between 30 seconds and 30 hours, at the rate his brain was processing time. Mac is still watching him like he’s going to break, which is ridiculous.

He has already broken.

His hands are shaking so badly that he starts to feel chills from the sensation. Reaches a hand to wipe at his nose before he thinks again and covers his face completely.

Deprived of some of his senses, he tries to force himself to come down from the attack. He focuses on the darkness in front of his eyes, punctuated by slivers of silver light peeking through his fingers. He feels his own rapid, warm breath against his skin, the clamminess of his sweaty hands. Tries to sink into the void of black, insulated and floating and free of feeling anything at all. The fiery tendrils of panic start to fade and a pleasant, familiar numbness takes their place. He knows the emptiness well. It’s the only feeling stronger than the panic and pain, the cacophony of evil emotions that threaten to overwhelm him. He is alone. He is safe.

Except he isn’t alone.

Not physically, at least, as he’s reminded by Mac shifting his leg next to him. He lowers his hands and is struck momentarily at the blinding light that hits his eyes, sending a shooting pain through his head.

Mac is still looking at him. Sad and worried and far-away. But hidden. His feelings are usually on such open display, but now they’re almost cryptically disguised.

Does Mac feel the same emptiness? Is he going through the motions of caring? How does he cope with feeling? To Dennis, the onslaught of emotions is all-consuming and he can’t stand it, and Mac still seems so subdued and if he wasn’t so goddamn miserable he’d laugh bitterly about how the tables have turned, make some stupid joke about what was like to deal with Mac’s emotions constantly, even though he knows that isn’t true. Mac’s stability is what got him through the worst days of his life. His openness, his comfort—but now it’s gone. He needs to accept it, turn himself off, because if he doesn’t, he’ll go crazy.

The cabinets creak and cut through the tension, the silence—it’s so goddamn quiet that he swears he can hear himself blinking—and all he can feel is the distance, the suffocating vacuum, his nerve-endings firing and pulling and aching for anything—

“Talk to me!”

The words tear out of his throat in a voice that doesn’t sound like his. War-torn and raw and so desperate for anything that could fix this, clogged and disgusting from snot and suppressed tears. He’s not sure he’s ever been more pathetic. After all the hard work he’d been doing to try and take control of his emotions, they had beaten him again.

Mac’s eyebrows raise in that incredulous look of surprise that he seems to wear constantly. He looks genuinely shocked. His eyes are wide and Dennis wishes he was close enough to stare into them, see the reflections dancing there, marvel at the way his eyelashes droop in just the right way to make him look even more perfect.

He stares at Dennis for a few seconds, calculating, the gears turning in his brain. Dennis feels like he’s going to the chair, like he’s waiting for a terminal diagnosis, his heart is in his throat.

Mac takes a deep breath.  

“Dennis, I don’t know what to say.”

That’s not good enough.

“Well, you’ve had plenty of time to think about it,” he hears himself saying, “you’ve been ignoring me all day, which is rich, by the way, coming from you.”

There’s venom in the words but he can’t help himself. He’s too tired, he can feel his brain stuttering through the exhaustion, empty and racing all at once. The sweat dampening his skin has gone cold.

For the first time, Mac looks truly upset. Dennis can see a flush creeping down his neck, he eyes harsh and bright with righteous anger. He feels a rush of pleasure that he’s able to elicit a response from him for the first time since he came back. But the pleasant heat of having control is overwhelmed by the nauseating anxiety still sitting in his stomach. He’s lucky that he hasn’t eaten today.

“How could you say that?”

Mac’s voice is controlled, more so than Dennis has ever heard it sound before. Devoid of emotion. It’s a genuine question, he realizes, one Mac expects him to answer, but his throat is locked up again. He’s said something wrong, he’s sure of it.

Mac continues.

“You left, remember? After everything, you left! You hardly said goodbye. And I’m not allowed to miss you? I’m not allowed to be angry? Screw you, Dennis.”

He’s breathing heavy, fire on his tongue and rage burning behind his eyes. He keeps going.

“You don’t even know half the shit you’ve put me through. You’re so bothered by a couple hours of tasting your own medicine that you don’t know what to do with yourself. You can dish it out, but you can’t take it, Dennis. I hated myself when you left, I felt like it was my fault. Like I wasn’t good enough for you. And that’s just it. Even before you left, I was never good enough. You made sure I knew that. So don’t you dare tell me how I’m allowed to feel now.”

Mac is making direct eye contact for the first time all day. His face is beet red and veins in his neck are pulsing. He wrings quivering hands together, over and over. Eyes are bloodshot and tired, a stray tear escapes and he angrily rubs it away.

He wants to tell Mac that he’s wrong. That he was always enough. More than enough. That he’s the one that doesn’t deserve Mac. But even now he can’t make himself that vulnerable, that susceptible to hurt. He can feel the only good relationship he’s ever had unraveling and it’s his fault but he can’t stop himself. He says nothing, staring at the tiled floor. He can feel himself retreating, deeper and deeper inside so he doesn’t have to feel like this anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Don’t. Just…don’t.”

Mac shakes his head. In disgust, probably.

Should he tell him the truth? Would it matter now? He feels himself whispering, slow and fearful.

“I—I checked myself into a mental health clinic.”

It’s out in the open and he can’t take it back.

Mac looks confused again. Less enraged. The red flush is fading little by little.

“What?” He keeps the word short, still hardened with anger, but his expression falters.

“Things were bad, Mac. I—I wasn’t used to being away from the guys. From you. It was more change than I could handle. I thought that I could, but I couldn’t. I was taking my meds but I was still feeling worse. I was so...angry. Depressed. I was dangerous. To Mandy, to myself. I never hurt her, never even touched her, but she was worried about me. She tried to help. We both knew she couldn’t. She convinced me to go. Even said she’d pay for it. I didn’t let her. Mac, it was one of the only good things I’ve ever done. I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t. But I gave you that number and thought that you might put two and two together. It was stupid. But I was terrified and lonely and not ready to say anything. I left you in the dark because I was too much of a coward to—”

Mac’s hand is on his.

Mac’s hand.

Is on his.

Emotion explodes back into his chest, hot and sudden and enough to make his toes curl.

“I’m so proud of you,” Mac whispers.

Shit.

He can feel himself coming down from the high. This isn’t what he wants. He’s bad. He’s selfish. He isn’t worth Mac’s adoration. This wasn’t what he was trying to do. Is he just manipulating Mac again?

“Mac, please...don’t do this, I’m a piece of shit. Don’t be nice to me. Don’t. I can’t take it.  I don’t deserve it.”

He feels tears pooling in his eyes. This is too much. This is too much.

“I don’t forgive you for ghosting me. For leaving me behind without a second thought. I’m still pissed at you, and I’m hurt, and I don’t think I’m going to get over it for a long time.”

Dennis feels his heart sinking, but he’s no longer in emotional freefall. More like  acceptance. He nods. This is what he deserves.

“But you deserve to feel something other than guilt, too. Dude, I am so proud of you. It’s a big step and I’m not gonna let my anger take that from you. You deserve more than that, Den.”

Mac’s voice is dripping with sincerity.

His expression is a mix of hurt and warmth. And Dennis feels himself getting worked up because thank God the warmth is back. In this moment, Dennis loves him. He loves him so fucking much that it takes everything in him not to grab Mac by the shirt and kiss him longer and deeper than he’s ever kissed anyone.

“How? How are you...how can you be like this?”

The words come out sounding like he’s having a stroke, but he’s still numb with shock.

The corner of Mac’s mouth twitches, not a smile, but the ghost of one, the idea of one. The ice behind his eyes is thawing, Dennis can tell.

“Because, even after all this shit, I missed you so much. And I’m so fucking glad you’re back.”

He’s smiling for real now, small and cautious, but a smile all the same. His hand curls tightly around Dennis’s, thumb stroking his palm, brings his other hand over to do the same, cradling Dennis’s delicately. Mac’s hands are big and smooth, and Dennis feels his heart rate rising.

“I missed you, too,” he murmurs.

He feels his energy fading. It's been happening a lot lately. He can’t seem to be awake more than eight hours. Just wants to sleep so badly. He wrenches his eyelids open, so he can stare at Mac’s hands on his. He needs to keep this moment.

Mac notices him staring, offers another, near imperceptible, smile. Lets his hand stroke Dennis’s thumb. He scoots forward, his other hand coming up to rest heavily on Dennis’s cheek, cupping the side of his face, tilting his chin to look at him.

Dennis feels so small. He’s been even worse about eating food than usual. Combined with stress, he’s lost a good fifteen pounds since they saw each other last. But Mac looks so healthy and strong. He radiates warm energy. So warm and powerful that it almost reaches Dennis in his icy shell.

Mac is making unblinking eye contact, the corners of his eyelids crinkle as he smiles, whispering, “I love you.”

Dennis suddenly remembers the first time that Mac said those words to him. Years ago, when the McPoyles duped them into thinking they were being held hostage in their own bar. They were sweaty and hysteric and almost positive they were going to die. Dee and Charlie were most certainly planning to off them if the McPoyles didn’t get to them first. But Mac had grabbed his arm, and confessed his feelings, amidst the chaos. And Dennis hadn’t said anything back because how could he?

He isn’t going to make that mistake again.

“I love you, too.”

[peachyhyvck]

some of my favorite pics of mark lee

author's note: yes bitches, I'm back with another!! this one’s a tad bit different from the last, and its got almost double the amount of pictures,,, but I hope you still enjoy it, nonetheless! this pic set includes waayyy too many categories to list off so you're just gonna have to look through them and see for yourself! (’; sO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERe are,, my favorite pics of mark lee:

cute mark:

okay, but mark’s selfies are always so damn precious and they never fail to put a smile on my face

I LOOOVVEEEEE THIS PICTURE WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!! THE WAY HE GRADUALLY COVERS HIS FACE MAKES MY HEART MELT HOLY MOLY

everything about this picture is just perfect... his smile is so facking cute, and do you sEE THAT LIL DIMPLE???? ADORABLE.

I honestly don't know what the hell is going on in this picture, but his facial expression is so fucking cute that I'm squealing like a damn pig rn so,,,,

never mind -  E V E R Y  FACIAL EXPRESSION HE HAS IS JUST SO PRECIOUS AND I REALLY NEED TO FIND SOME NEW WORDS CAUSE IM JUST REPEATING MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN AT THIS POINT!!!

I remember watching this for the first time and,, I kid you the fuck not,, I actually threw my phone across the room

wow..... I've never been sO soft!! for someone in my entire life.......

these might just be my 2 favorite pictures of mark lee....?? I mean, I say that about every picture, but these 2??? utterly flawless.

candid mark

I looovveee his damn hair so so sooo much in these last 4 pictures and if sm fucks with it in any way, shape, or form,,, you best watch the fuck out........ (lmaoo this was before sm went and fried his hair aGAIN but tbh I expected nothing less from them,,,)

he looks so smol and innocent in this picture and I'm barely keeping my shit together!!!!

he looks like a motherfucking prince in these photos!!!!!!! I mean, am I right or am I right ??!?!?!!?!%@$^&

idk man I just really love his smile and it truly brings happiness to my poor, dysfunctional, bitter soul

these pictures are THE definition of ethereal!!!!!!

I'm gonna take a moment to interrupt the ““cute”” theme I've got goin on to insert this (?) gem because idk what the fuck he’s doin but it really made me laugh so I thought I'd share

I think I just heaved the biggest content sigh in history because I just really, really love mark lee

disrespectful mark

idk who gave mark permission to be this blatantly rude but it sure as hell wasn't me!!!!

alright I'm really gonna need him to stop because I feel all shaken up and I'm Not okay with this at all

props to the camera person for holding their composure cause I sure as hell would’ve dropped Dead under such an intense gaze

“mark” and “tough” don't really fit together all that well, but looking at this picture I'm absolutely, 100% positive he could beat the living shit out of me

I HATE THIS PICTURE WITH EVERY DAMN OUNCE OF MY BEING!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF TORMENT AND CHAOS THIS FUCKING PHOTO PUTS ME THROUGH??!??!!?!? IT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF DISRESPECT AND I DEMAND THAT IT BE PUNISHABLE BY AT LEAST 5 MORE YEARS IN NCT DREAM!!!!!!

dunno what he’s doin but veins really fuck ya girl up and his arm in this photo is really testing me,,,,,,

he looks so good???? but like,, too good?????? idk. I disapprove. NEXT

these polaroids are both a blessing and a curse and the fans who got these are honestly the luckiest bitches on earth cause damn y’all really snatched yourselves a couple of winners!!!!

no no non no on Ono nono. what do you think you’re doing. stop it right now and put the fucking jacket back on!! and no more tank tops..... my heart can't handle such things........

honestly, I don't even know anymore..... I'm literally speechless......... I just don't know how its humanly possible to look That FUCking gOOD!!!! everything about this picture is messin with my head and he’s reaalllllyyyyy startin to test a bitch,,

boyfriend mark

well, damn. he’s really out here just servin us these boyfriend looks, isn’t he???

tbh it might just be because his back and chest look so Broad in these photos, but I'm pickin up some major boyfriend-ish vibes!!!

awww boyfriend mark impatiently watching the clock tick by as he counts down the minutes until he gets to see your beautiful face ((((’:;;::;

oh damn,, boyfriend mark waiting to pick you up outside your job :^]

can you just imagine walking next to mark and looking up to find him staring at you like this I'd funking DIE!!!!!

boyfie mark carrying your backpack for you as the two of you walk home from school together (((((((’’:

boyfriend mark staring at you from afar while another guy shamelessly flirts with you ;o

tbh this is how boyf mark would look whenever the two of you get into a pretty heated argument... expect the silent treatment and some intense glares

“oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! I'm late for our date!! gotta run, gotta run, gotta ru-”

shopping with boyfriend mark!!!!! (peep dat arm doe,,,,)

yeah, yeah. I know it’s just a picture of his back - but like... just picture yourself walking up to that and giving him the warmest, tightest, most affectionate backhug you could......... cause same

boyfriend mark goin to pick ya ass up while trying not to draw too much attention to himself,,, shhhh!!

pre-debut mark

okay but mark was the cutest damn child, and like,, that's a fact

LOOK AT THE INNOCENCE IN HIS EYES!!!!!!!

I just wanna tuck him into bed and read him some bedtime stories )))’:::

k I think we can all agree that mark’s mirror selfies are LEGENDARY. NEVER LET THESE DIE. EVER.

why does his outfit remind me of something justin bieber circa 2012 would wear lmao

don't come at me but like,, why do these 2 pics remind me of seventeen’s vernon......... i mean im jus sayin........

this picture? is so? precious??? caN I JUST SWADDLE HIM PLEASE??????

oh look!! this must’ve been right around the time when sm stopped allowing mark to get even the slightest bit of rest!!!

he looks like such a lil man here dear lord

the many hairstyles/colors throughout mark’s career

starting off with the 7th sense debut, we have marks.... questionable.... black, choppy, bangs-cut-too-short hairstyle!! it truly is one for the books....

moving onto fire truck era, sm kinda dropped a bomb on us with the multi-colored hair. but as crazy as orange and purple hair sounds (and kinda looks) mark actually pulled it off pretty damn well???

buT THEN IN THE MIDDLE OF PROMOTIONS THEY DECIDED TO DYE HIS WHOLE HEAD PURPLE AND BLESS US ALL!! like, I have a hard time picturing mark with extremely bright and extravagant hair colors (like hyuck or chenle) but lemme tell ya mark looked so damn good with the purple holy shit sm brinG THAT BACK!!!

and then at the end of promotions (obvs prepping mark’s hair for dreams debut) they decided his scalp hadn’t been through enough, so they bleached it and made him blonde (((’::::

dreams debut!!!!! whoop whoop!!!! they dyed mark’s hair a rose gold tinted color and honestly?? he looked hella good???? idk what I was saying earlier about not being able to see mark pull off bright and extravagent colors cause my boy absolutely slayed orange, purple AND pink!!!

now we come across the holy period that was mark’s dirty blonde hair during chewing gum promotions,,,, let’s all just take a moment of silence because of how damn Good this look was..... the color and the haircut itself were so fucking nice and tbfh i have a special place in my heart for this look

whelp..... here comes limitless!!! the BOP of the century, but also the fucking disaster of the millennium that was marks perm........... sm did my boy so dirty with this one..... as if his hair hadn't been through enough torture, they go and do THIS? sickening.

NOW WE’RE BACK ON OUR GOOD STREAK!! after the perm settled down a bit they finally realized that they needed to make up for their horrendous mistake, SO they put a lil pink in the mix and BAM!! we got our lil cotton candy baby (^=

and then the pink started to fade )))’:: leaving him with cute little pink tinted curls!!!! (((’::

MFAL (what an era.....) if im being completely honest, mark’s mfal hair is my religion. it’s not nearrlllyyy as poofy and untamed as it was before, and the little blonde curls really worked for him rip...

not to mention when they straightened it and we got our royal prince lookin ass mark lee!!!!

head shot pop,, cherry bomb was another holy era for marks hair. it had been sooo long since we’d seen dark haired mark that it pretty much threw the whole fandom into a frenzy when it happened.

tbfh his we young hair took a little while to grow on me. i’ve always loved the longer, shaggier bangs on mark, and the short bangs were giving me war flashbacks to t7s era,,,, and the shaved sides were so!!! different that idk. it just took me a while to adjust...

but I would later come to Love his we young hair because it eventually grew into this fucking beauty - which is also my faVORITE DAMN HAIRSTYLE ON THIS BOY,, HOLY SHIT!!! HIS HAIR JUST LOOKS SO PERFECT AND I JUST WANNA RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH IT AND PLAY WITH IT AGGHHJJHBPWUEB

**sigh** but then sm went and did what they always do and fucked with something that was already perfect ///: I mean, although i am pretty distraught over the loss of quite possibly the best hair style of his career, he does look mighty fine with the honey blond color so its all good (((;;

anD THEN!! THEY LITERALLY BLEW ALL OF US OUT OF THE DAMN WATER WITH THE FUCKING BRIGHT, STOP SIGN, TICKLE ME ELMO LOOKIN ASS RED!!!!!!!! NAAaahhhh I'm just playin :”)) i’ve said it so many times already, but he really can pull off just about any color and i must say, the red is really workin for him,, uh huh, uh huh, yes sir!!

the lil duck face pout

idk why he Always does this but it’s fucking hilarious and it never fails to crack me tf up

cute stage persona

LOOK AT THAT BIG ASS SMILE!!!!!!! THIS IS THE KINDA SHIT I LOVE TO SEE!!!!!!!!!! HE JUST LOOKS SO FLUFFY!!!!!!!!

y’all, i dont even know. he’s in the middle of dancing but he just looks so cute and squishy!! i had to include it

again... I have no words other than his smile is fucking. flawless.

I SHOULD BE CRINGING (AND TBH I KINDA AM) BUT HE’S SO DAMN PRECIOUS THAT I DON’T EVEN CARE!!!!!

I can totally picture in my head the dorky lil dance move he did along with that face to whoever was taking the picture and honestly,, I can’t help but smile

WHY DOES HE DO THIS?? DOES HE WANT ME TO SUFFER??? CAUSE HE’S LITERALLY MAKING MY INSIDES TURN TO MUSH!!!!!!

I have no clue what the hell he’s doing, but i could care less!!! i’m just gonna go with it!!!!!!!

omfg he’s like that one nerdy friend who tries to act all cool but just ends up embarrassing himself ((and looking hella cute while doing so)) gaAAHHhHHH

rude stage persona

mark is always facking adorable!! but the few times he decides to act all rude, he makes sure to have absolutely zero fucking mercy on us, and its Not fair!!

don’t give me that face istg imma smack the shit outta ya!!!!

he’s literally just rapping but i feel highly offended and i would appreciate a sincere apology

mark is smiling 95% of the time, but the other 5% that he’s not, he’s making faces like these^^ and im real fuckin tired of the blatent disregard for my feelings!!

I don't approve! I don't approve at all!!!! the look on his face is throwin me off and I'm confused!!!!!!

BOIII THIS MIGHT BE THE RUDEST FUCKIN PICTURE I’VE EVER SEEN AND I SHIT YOU NOT MY DAMN STOMACH JUST DROPPED!!!!!!! MY ALREADY WEAKENED HEART CAN’T HANDLE THIS KINDA SHIT, MAN!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO GO LIE DOWN,,,,,

HE’S GOT NICER ABS AND NICER UNDERWEAR THAN I DO, GOD DAMN!!!!

THE FUCKING SLEEVES ARE ROLLED UP - ABORT MISSION! I REPEAT, ABORT THE FUCKING MISSION!!!!!!!!

mark + hats = A Look I'm here for

first up, we got them bucket hats!!!! if ya ask me, mark can pull off almost any hat, and he kinda looks adorable in the bucket hats (especially with his blond curly mops fallin out of em!!!!)

now onto the snapbacks! a very typical look, yet he still looks breathtaking ((’::::

and now we’ve got the floppy hats (?) and tbh he kinda looks adorable in them???

AND WE’RE AT BEANIES ALSO KNOWN AS MY FAVORITE FUCKING HEADWEAR ON MARK LEE!!!!!! BOY CAN PULL OFF A BEANIE BETTER THAN I’VE EVER SEEN ANYONE DO IT EVER!!!!!!!!!

and finally we've got..... whatever the fuck this thing is lmao kinda reminds me of a chef hat but my boy still looks hecka fly so its gucci!!!!

BONUS: MARK IN A HEADBAND!! HEY SM, PLEASE DO THIS LOOK AGAIN!!!!!

BONUS BONUS: THE HOLY LOOK THAT IS MARK WEARING A BANDANA!! HEY SM, MAYBE BRING BACK THIS LOOK AS WELL, K THNKS!!!!!!!

idk, but I need to rant about it !!

not only is ya girl emo as helllllll because he successfully graduated high school despite his fucking insane schedule, (yeah,, I'm lookin at you sm... fight me), but these grad pics are the definition of heavenly !!!!!!!!

this boy video took me for all that I'm worth.... he just looked so? fucking? good??? like I wanna know who the fuck he thinks he is just lookin all fine and shit,,,

y’alls..... i honestly didnt even know which category to stick this beauty under because i was honestly just?? blown the absolute fuck away??? with the perfection of not only this photo, but the boy in the photo, as well??????? like,, the dark, shaggy hair along with that lil smirk are really doin some fucked up shit to ya girl and i just dont know anything anymore (((’=

not much to say about this one.... I just think he looks hella adorable crouched down into a lil ball ((’:

maRK MOTHERFUCKIN LEE HIDING BEHIND RANDOM ASS OBJECTS WHENEVER HE GETS EMBARRASSED MIGHT JUST BE MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING IN THIS UNIVERSE!!! IT MAKES ME WANNA HUG HIM TO DEATH AND NEVER LET GO!!!!!

first of all: no

second of all: No

third of all: the hell you think you lookin at?

last of all: N O

(like for real, who gave you the right to look all grown and shit?? cause I'd like to have a few words with them......)

and last, but certainly not least, we've got this golden picture of mark dressed like a middle aged, white, suburban dad.... do with it what you will (((’:::::

**all pic creds go to their rightful owners

[riskeith]

HI BABY!!!!

I LOVE THOSE TYPES OF VIDEOS SO MUCH THE SECOND THE SONG STARTED I KNEW WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN!!!! I’M SO HAPPY ALSO THE PLAYER TRYING TO MAKE ZHONGLI DANCE SKDJFJDKDJFLD i love how dancin’ has just become the official genshin song.

yes back to scheduled program:

it’s a super unpopular opinion 😳 i’ve never heard anyone say that skdhdfjdks. but same i think i’ve seen the first two over ten times throughout the years but i’ve only seen the last one Once. the movies do a great job at lore though so i don’t think reading the books are necessary... personal opinion. OH idk how famous it is but it’s a truth and dare fic and it’s super nsfw idk how much you like reading those but it’s called ‘it started with a spin’... it’s a mess but i remember reading it years ago and really enjoying it jshshsj.. also WOW???? you really fell into the drarry hole huh? granted it’s understandable they have some amazing writers. and sooo much content.

BUNNY CUTE CLUNA OH MY GOD HE SAID BUNNY CUTE!!!!!!! 🥺 ok this just made razor and bennett my new favorite duo in the game sorry everybody else..... ok nvm aether + razor too? wait no now i’m confused razor should be everybody’s baby.. including ours yes let’s adopt him... i can’t believe we already have children together 😳

RIGHT? i love that so much too! as much as i enjoy canon bamf midoriya i love fics that contain quirkless midoriya as well. something about him not needing a quirk yet changing the world is just *chefs kiss* that does feel like a you thing to do lmao sjshskks imagine how easy writing would be that way. also i’ve been curious about smth: do you have any favorite fics you can recommend? longer fics perferably i’m feeling Angsty.

it is a long time but idk.. it can create friendships that last for a long time. i’m still bestfriends with people i got to know at 5 years old and i’m 21 now so sjsjdksdk i guess being around each other for so long makes your bond different. but i’m sure it’s the same when you share those crucial teenage years together too.

diluc is always there and he’s so tempting.. damn. but yeah after xiao you could go for it!! imagine having xiao and diluc on your team... the fucking op-ness. is it difficult to get primogems at the higher levels?

WHAT????? are you kidding????? holy shit this game is on something.... how long will it take to ascend hahaha. now i know what streamers mean when they say that it’s okay to stop at level 80 with most characters....

CLUNA DO YOU HAVE 8 TUMBLR ACCS OR AM I PICKING THIS UP WRONGLY.... but jokes aside that the best system you don’t have to worry about spamming one blog or it being messy. i admire that a lot, couldn’t be me but i admire that a lot.

CHONGYUN EATING COTTON CANDY.. i just got a visual like him picking cotton candy from his hair and snacking on it help shdjjdhdjsks he’s so adorable. (pink and blue are equally used here!! i mostly see it during fairs and stuff. do you like it?) dip dye was so famous around that time remember when everybody did it? i remember crying bc i wasn’t allowed. and yeah i dye my hair once a year usually. mostly softer brown colors (my natural hair color is dark brown) and black when i’m feeling emo. i did peachy red hair once and i think that was my prime hsjsks. wbu? have you ever dyed it?

OIKAWAAAAA....... there’s something so fucking good about a seemingly confident boy that’s actually super insecure and very passionate that just hits right. right? and i do have two hq wips actually they aren’t very advanced because i’ve been so busy but they exist. one iwaoi and one kagehina. those two are my main ships in the show so far actually, that might change but who knows. i just love those two soooo much. the dynamics are just mwah. i need to get them out in the world some day.... hbu?? are you currently working on anything? hq or anything else? AND OFC IVE SEEN THAT. i actually love that drawing sooooo much cluna i remember seeing it weeks ago and going aaaaaah wow. the crown,,, his hair,,, i just think you’re the most amazing and i have such a crush on your talent.... 🥺 (just you in general as well actually 😳)

it’s the weekend, aka more time for us! can’t wait to hear from you again babe... <3

HI HIIIIII

HAHAHA YEAH WHEN I SAW IT I WAS LIKE OMGGGGGGG OMGGGGGG!!!!! the things people come up with wow 😩

oooo! that’s good then. i just don’t think i absorb information as well from movies compared to books ahaha. well i’ve learnt all the important stuff through fics now i reckon 🤪 oh i’ve seen that!! but i’ve purposely been not reading it fhdjdjskkwndks i feel like the concept wouldn’t be my thing but.. i might give it a shot. AND YESS there are so many good drarry authors who’ve written amazing fics ugh i love it here

it’s what razor deserves 😩😩 where should we take him first 🤪 family day out

hmmm fic recs which pairing? i could give you a lot of drarry, and a decent amount of iwaoi and kagehina maybe.. i don’t read a lot of fic for pairings/fandoms i write unfortunately.. but for a start the drarry fic running on air i mentioned is reaaaaally good!! a shorter one but just as good one is “to hurt and heal”. and i hope you’re doing alright 💞

omg nice!! that’s so sweet tho.. do you know anyone who’s had their childhood friends to lovers experience <33 ahahah

dude xiao and diluc omg… i am manifesting 🕯 it kinda is! if you run out of achievements and you’ve explored everything you can only really get primos from your daily commissions… i believe. which is why updates with new areas like dragonspine are a big blessing djdjskkdnfjc

yeah same omg crazy.. i think i might try levelling some of my main 4 up with books and then i’ll just like passively let them gain xp as i play lmao.…

I HAVE...… DEFINITELY MORE THAN 8 INCLUDING ONES IM JUST USING TO SAVE URLS/BLOGS I STARTED BUT NEVER CONTINUED BUT..… yeahhhhhh LMAO

omg.… your brain m.a. your brain!!! (i love cotton candy!! we call it fairy floss ehehe. do you like it?) FJSKKDKSMS i wasn’t allowed either 😔😔. oh nice!! omg peachy red??? das cool af. and i’ve never dyed my hair before!! but i’ve been wanting to bleach it lately heheh

iwaoi and kagehina dynamics are definitely top tier… i hope you’re able to work on those wips again soon!! and i have a lot of hq wips!! none i’m actively working on.. but yeah! thank you so much 😭😭😭😭 you’re too too kind to me 😭😭😭 but yeah i was also like??? i really did that??? wow. i must’ve been possessed by some kinda oikawa loving and good at drawing demon when i drew that fr (the feeling is.. mutual 😳)

ALSO THAT REMINDS ME. I HAVE THE PERFECT PLACE TO GO ON OUR CO-OP DATE omg so i was thinking about where we could possibly go together as xingqiu and chongyun before falling asleep and literally startled awake when i realised… won’t tell you yet so it’s a surprise hehehe unless you also know 👀 what i’m thinking 👀

woo!! can’t wait for your reply 💌

[arrowsbane]

the ghosts that we knew (will flicker from view)

@Sumigakure​ Halloween Event 2017

Original Prompt: Prompt 14: Bleach AU [FFN | AO3]

Word count: 1243

Notes: This was mainly inspired by the fact that I was dying to have Sasuke tell Naruto “…I see dead people.” and be 1000% serious. I got my wish.

Summary: Sasuke isn’t born seeing ghosts, but it doesn’t change the fact that he spends half his life listening to their complaints. OR, Sasuke can see the dead, and Minato is stuck in limbo ferrying the dead to the Pure Land.

Contrary to popular belief, Sasuke isn’t born with the dead screaming in his ears or lingering in the corner of his eyes. He’s born completely normal, a hundred percent human with a rather simple destiny. Live, love, fight, and die.

But then the massacre happens.

Then Itachi burns his mind with black fire, and something inside his soul… fractures.

Two weeks later, and he’s waking up in a too-white room in a hospital; being told the irrefutable truth – that his family is dead, and his brother is a murderer.

And then he goes home, to an empty compound that seems so cold it’s a wonder it’s not covered in frost and snow. But the thing is, it’s not so empty. In fact, it’s just as full as always.

Because now Sasuke can see the dead, and this changes everything.

…

It doesn’t take long for his family to realise that he can see them just as easily as he can see the living, and they surround him with love and support.

Whether it’s helping him with his homework, or teaching how to cook, listing 1001 non-ninja uses for a kunai, or even just Great Aunt Miwa waffling on about how to tend to onion plants and how important the roots are – and Sasuke is pretty sure there’s something she’s not telling him here, but he’s six and living in the twilight zone, so meh – it doesn’t matter.

What does matter is that it’s important to note that Sasuke is never alone.

It’s also important to understand that this is not necessarily a good thing.

Sasuke is six years old (seven in the summer), and now he lives and breathes death in a way that makes aged veterans look like unbloodied children.

His waking hours are filled with the ghosts of his family, and he finds himself ‘playing ninja’ with the echoes of children so young that they don’t actually know they’re dead, who don’t know they can never grow up, never fulfil their dreams.

And then he closes his eyes, and dreams of blood and screams and why Itachi?

He can never be free of this curse.

…

Summer passes in a blurry haze, fading into autumn, which freezes as winter creeps in, and then melts into spring. The cycle passes at least once more before Sasuke talks to a ghost who wasn’t an Uchiha in life.

It’s a warm, balmy evening, and Sasuke finds himself hiding from the evening heat by relaxing on the roof of one of his cousins’ houses, in the shade provided by the trees. It’s nice up there – the breeze is cooling him off after a long day of training, and best of all, no relatives.

Sasuke closes his eyes and tilts his head back, humming softly in contentment. Two feet up at his three ‘o clock, a roof tile clinks as weight presses down on it.

“Go away Shisui,” Sasuke grumbles, not bothering to open his eyes. Is five minutes of peace and quiet too much to ask for?

Shisui doesn’t answer, which is suspicious, so Sasuke cracks open an eye.

It’s not his cousin after all, the place is occupied by a strange blonde dressed in a black kosade and hakama, over a white shikagi. The blonde’s outline flickers ever-so-slightly, and Sasuke sighs.

Fucking ghosts.

He’s a medium, but that doesn’t mean he’s bound by law or anything to put up with their shit.

“Get off my roof loser,” He snaps. The ghost ignores him.

“Hey,” Sasuke hisses, eyes narrowing, “I’m talking to you, you stupid undead fucker.”

It’s probably a good thing Mikoto is back at home looking over his homework, because if she’d been there to hear the words Shisui and Cousin Arashi had taught him, she’d have washed his mouth out with soap – or at the very least scolded him until he’d apologized, being incorporeal and all.

The blonde shuffles, sweeping his bored gaze from left to right, still completely ignoring Sasuke – who finally loses his patience and tosses a rock (he likes to keep four or five pebbles in his pockets just in case,) through the man, who finally deigns to look his way.

“Get. Off. My. Roof.” He growls, completely fed up with the interloper.

The ghost blinks, shocked.

“You can see me?” He yelps.

And then the fucker trips over thin air, and falls off the roof.

It’s a good thing he’s already dead, because he’s too stunned to land on his feet.

…

As it turns out, the blonde airhead is actually the ghost of the Fourth Hokage – and isn’t that a mindfuck and a half, because how on earth did somebody this ridiculous wind up the military dictator of a shinobi village?

“And you’re bound here because…?” Sasuke prods, eyeing up the dead man.

“That’s… complicated,” Namikaze admits, reaching up to scratch the back of his head in a rather familiar mannerism that Sasuke is so sure he’s seen somewhere before.

“So un-complicate it,” Sasuke drawls, and the proceeds to drag the truth from the ex-Hokage piece by painful piece until all the cards are laid out. 

To the average nine year old, the concept of sealing a mass of sentient chakra into an infant might be a bit much to deal with – but Sasuke passed the point of ‘ordinary’, and slid right into the category of ‘rather unusual and altogether most likely unique’ a long time ago.

It’s the beginning of a rather interesting partnership, and as it turns out that between Sasuke’s ability to interact with the dead and Minato’s ability of helping said spirits to cross into the Pure Lands, they make a very good team.

…

In one life, Sasuke would have tread the path of revenge, but in this life… Sasuke just does his best to live. He’s got a thousand voices whispering into his ears – some for peace, some demand revenge, some whisper of a coup that-never-was. But most of all, they encourage him to enjoy what time he has left.

He’s ten, and alone-but-not-alone, and constantly handled with kid gloves by the living.

There’s not really much he can enjoy.

He says as much to his companion one night, when they’re leaning against a slanted rooftop and watching the stars fade into the dawn.

“But have you considered Seals?” Minato says, eyes glinting mischievously.

People always assume that Naruto’s penchant for pranking comes from his mother. They never stop to consider that like attracts like, and that Minato was known for his trapping abilities and his love of surprises – the combination of which, was known to be devastating on the battlefield.

“I’m listening,” Sasuke replies, ever curious.

…

Years later, when they’re stuck on the same Genin team, and grumpily bitching over how late their perverted sensei is, Naruto sucks in a deep breath, turns to his teammates, and blurts out:

“So, I’m a Jinchuriki.” He looks nervous, twitchy, like he’s ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. Sakura frowns, not understanding the importance of the word, because Jinchuriki isn’t exactly the kind of thing they covered in the Academy.

“Okay,” Sasuke says, not missing a beat, “tell me something I don’t know.”

“How did you know?” Naruto looks baffled, “Until last week, I didn’t know!”

Sasuke shrugs, and goes back to sharpening his kunai, Shisui snickering in the branches above. Beside him, Minato beams. A smile curls at the corners of Sasuke’s mouth, and he shrugs.

“…I see dead people.”

[oneeyedscarecrow]

apropos of nothing (except remembering that I need to write this up at some point) lemme tell you about earth 451 Jack. under a cut ‘cause this boy has a lotta backstory

his dad either died or left too early to remember; he was raised by a single mom, a nurse named Suzanne, who grew up in France and still fondly remembered it (feeding Jack’s own love for France, especially Paris, later in life). Suzanne never knew she had a son, not a daughter, but she supported Jack being a ‘tomboy’ and sympathized with him over being bullied at school. They were extremely poor; that, combined with school being a generally miserable experience for him (being an obviously queer kid with a mood disorder and probably some other comorbid disorders doesn’t make for a GREAT school experience) encouraged Jack to drop out as a young teenager and start looking for any kind of work he could do, hiding it from his mom. 

Gotham being what it was, that work was always usually illegal; acting as the ‘tiny person who climbs in through vents and stuff’ in crimes, stuff like that. Jack tried to stay away from the more violent work, but being a tiny perceived-as-female teen meant he wound up fighting often to be taken seriously, and learning he had to be vicious to earn respect. Still, he tried - and the first person he killed, he wasn’t even supposed to kill. It was an accident; the man wasn’t supposed to be home, Jack had terrible trigger discipline and the gun just went off... Terrified, Jack did his best to lay low after that, but some people have the worst luck. The guy he’d killed was connected to the Court of Owls - a minor member, but they had to show that nobody connected to them could be touched without consequences. In a few days a Talon showed up; killed Suzanne, shot Jack and dropped him into a convenient vat of chemicals, and went home satisfied with a job well done. 

As you may have guessed, Jack wasn’t dead. He crawled out of the Gotham River (which the chemicals were dumped straight into. Yay pollution!) a while later, discovering that the chemicals had apparently increased his ability to heal - not significantly, but enough to save his life. And he was bleached, which was weird. He was also having a massive nervous breakdown, but that’s more from watching his mother die and almost dying himself. 

One bad day doesn’t make someone a Rogue. More than that, he was fifteen at the time. He dragged himself to the home of one of his few friends (Teresa, more on her someday) and she gave him a place to stay temporarily while he went through his breakdown. Then... he had to find a way to stay alive. He didn’t feel like he could leave Gotham, even if he wanted to; it was all he knew. After a year or two of recovery and beginning to present as a guy (he was already learning to use makeup to disguise his new bleached state, he could fiddle with his appearance a little; and needing a new identity gave him an excuse to do what he’d always secretly wanted, use the name he preferred) he started working at a chemical lab. No concrete end goal, but he wanted to understand what had happened to him. (He never would, but in the process of searching he’d create a poison that left a rictus sardonicus on the victim’s face. He’d file the formula away, horrified yet fascinated by it.) 

He had always had difficulty with his moods but it was around then he started to have long, serious periods of suicidal depression. The main thing that kept him from killing himself was the feeling that there must be something, some reason he had survived when the odds were so thin. 

Jeannie was a librarian, and a friend of Teresa’s. They met when they were still both young (barely over twenty) and got married young, which surprised everyone; most of all Jack, who was attracted to dudes 80% of the time and didn’t expect to find anyone who was interested in him period. But Jeannie genuinely liked him; they shared senses of humor, he sang to her and she gave him books to read until he finally caved in and read them and things seemed like they might be going good. 

Aaand then Jeannie mentioned that she was researching some odd events in Gotham over the years, and Jack realized that she was building up a big ol’ file of evidence that the Court of Owls existed. And she was good - Jeannie was a tenacious researcher and made connections few would; she’d practically compiled half a list of members by following the hints and putting together facts from centuries ago. After about fifteen panic attacks, Jack tried to explain to her that these people were not to be messed with. They seemed practically omnipotent. She needed to stop or bad stuff was going to happen. But Jeannie refused - she needed to keep pursuing the truth. 

And one day Jack clocks out of work to hear that she’s dead.

It takes a while for the news to sink in. But the more it does, the more confused he gets. Because if it was the Court, he knows he’d be dead too. If it was the Court, it would have been something worse than a bullet, if it was the Court - and he realizes, it wasn’t the Court of Owls. It was practically an accident. A stray bullet from a drive-by shooting, directed at someone else on the block. Jeannie just happened to step out the door at the wrong time. 

And if it had been the Court, Jack might have just finally committed suicide, or he might have lived in fear the rest of his short life. But it was accidental, it was random - or no, not exactly, because the people in charge - the rich and famous that made up the Court and their favored, the judges and the crooked cops and the businessmen - they never had that kind of luck, did they? They were rigging the system, hoarding all the good ‘luck’ for themselves. People told him that people just died sometimes in Gotham, that there was nothing that could have been done, but that wasn’t true. It wasn’t random. It was a rigged carnival game. Jack hung around their apartment for a while longer, thinking about that kind of thing for a while, then he dug up Jeannie’s partial list of Owls and got to work.

He didn’t intend to live. He was sure he’d kill one, maybe two people and the Court would take him out. But he wanted to make sure he took out at least a couple people and terrified the shit out of the others, so he took his time coming up with a persona; digging up that poison and perfecting it; coming up with ways to get into and out of the places Owls lived. And finally, one warm summer night, the normal radio broadcast cut out and a slow, mournful voice cut in.

“Tonight, at precisely twelve o’ clock, I will kill Henry Claridge. The Joker has spoken!”

His debut’s very much modeled off the very first appearance of the Joker in 1940; at the time, Jack was far from what his persona would eventually become. He was considered terrifying because he looked like a dead man walking, painted into some semblance of life; barely ever raising his voice over a hoarse mutter, with a humorless laugh and a grin that resembled the rictus grins he left his victims with. He wasn’t described as the Harlequin of Hate for nothing. Everyone could tell he was pissed off about something, but nobody knew what. Put that together with his occasional erratic behavior and black humor, and the easy explanation of ‘well, guess he’s Mad’ began to emerge. He was more successful than he’d anticipated, but he still would have wound up dead - whether at his own hand or the Court’s, through a corrupt cop or paid-off prison inmate - if it hadn’t been for the other new kid on the block. 

Batman deeply confused Jack, because... well, what the fuck, I thought I was the only dude out in a costume, is this going to be a trend? They wound up becoming active at almost the same time, so both of them had expected to be alone in this ‘let’s create a persona and head out for Justice’ mindset. Regardless, Batman captured Jack and he was sent to Arkham - an old, little-used asylum for the criminally insane - and so he survived. And after he broke out and made another pass through the Court, they were too shaken to retaliate immediately. So he survived. And then new people started showing up, in their own costumes, and Jack realizes that he’s apparently not a dead man walking; he’s part of the new wave of the future. 

Against all odds, Jack started to cheer up. 

At this point, he’s part opportunistic criminal (although those crimes are generally geared towards money and jewels), part extremely violent vigilante, part bizarre philanthropist. He sees himself as not quite a force of chaos, but as helping chaos be more fair, and he deeply hates anyone trying to recreate the Court of Owls or anything similar. He still has periods of deep depression and struggles with suicidal feelings, but he (and by extent, the Joker persona) got significantly happier once he started finding reasons to stay alive. His sense of humor became more apparent, and pretty soon people forgot it wasn’t always part of his persona. 

and he’s still deeply confused by Batman.

[agoodflyting]

Ouat Star wars crossover

This maaay not be what you wanted but hopefully it’s okay. Have 2100 words of Techie/Matt in Storybrooke.

~~

His alarm goes off at 7am every morning.

If he waits long enough, trying to ignore the blaring with his head under a pile of blankets and cheap dime-store throw pillows, it will eventually stop on its own. He will let his gummy eyes slip shut again, scratching himself idly under the covers, and try to adjust his cramping body so that a different part of him is hanging off of the too-small foldout bed.

Every morning he says he’s going to get up with the first alarm. Actually make himself some breakfast, do the dishes before they grew legs and crawled away, maybe even shave and wash his hair and try to look fucking presentable before work. He never does.

The alarm will go off again eventually, and he will root around below with one arm, blindly, until he finds the button to turn it off before it wakes up his roommate. His feet rustle in the discarded papers and other detritus on the floor around the bed as he trudges out, yawning and clumsy, for coffee. LED lights blink sleepily at him from around the room. Servers that he’s working on in his spare time, dismantled motherboards, old electronics. One of his four or five old laptops is in sleep mode, colors dancing across the screen, and he’s briefly jealous.

Every morning he starts the coffee and realizes that somehow it’s later than he thought. Then it’s scrambling, pounding on Matt’s door to wake him up, scrubbing his face and anything else that shows with a damp cloth in their dingy shared bath, doing the sniff test on the pile of laundry on his bedroom floor- the one he keeps meaning to fold and put away properly one day. His hair’s a lost cause, tangled and oily, betraying the fact that he just rolled out of bed, but it usually is and nobody ever comments on it. They would probably be more surprised if he came in looking neat and polished.

“Matt, we’re- we’re going to be late!” he stammers when he’s nervous, always has. It doesn’t help that he’s always nervous.  Matt doesn’t worry about being late and losing his job and not being able to pay the rent and getting kicked out of his crappy messy apartment, because his mother is their boss and even if he did something bad enough that she fired him, Matt’s got money somewhere and he’ll be okay.

Matt doesn’t worry about anything, so Techie worries about everything. It’s not a system that works well, but it’s the only system he has.

Matt emerges from the bathroom showered and smiling, with his glasses fogged and his curly hair still damp. He’d bleached it over the summer on impulse, but then he’d decided it made him look like a ‘giant cabbage patch doll’. He wasn’t mad, exactly. Matt was never mad about anything, which was probably a useful trait to have when you did as much stupid stuff on impulse as Matt did. But now he was waiting for it to grow back out to black and it was taking forever. Stuck in an awful in-between stage, not quite black, not quite blonde.

Matt stuffs a muffin in his overlarge mouth as Techie practically drags him out the door, and if they hurry and there isn’t much traffic, then maybe just this once they might make it to work by 9:04- late, but not too late that Techie can’t slip in the door and avoid Leia’s gaze until after lunch.

He’s lucky in the fact that there’s never much traffic. They get through the town square without much trouble, passing the boarded up library and the broken clocktower that never seemed to get fixed, like everything else in Storybrooke. They pass Mr. Gold’s shop and Techie tells Matt to remind him to pay the rent when they get off work, even though he knows that Matt will forget, and then Techie will forget, and the rent will be due before he remembers, so that he would have to be the one to scramble for the cash before their terrifying landlord arrived to collect it.

“He’s not that bad,” Matt would say. “I’m sure he’s a reasonable guy if you got to know him.” Of course he would say that. Matt liked everyone. If you wanted a list of Matt’s friends you just grabbed a phone book.

“Right. I’m reasonably sure he’d only- only break one of my legs.”

They are about to pull into the parking lot at New Republic whatever it is only slightly late for once, and that is when Matt sees the cat.

The skinny orange tabby is picking through the garbage can next to the building and Techie knows before he even sees the look in Matt’s eyes.

“No- no, come on. We’re already late and your mother’s going to yell at me, and-.”

“But look, she’s so skinny.”

“No, what are you even going to do?”

“Maybe we can catch her and take her to the shelter.”

“But we don’t have time,” Techie whines.

“It’ll take two seconds, the shelter is just back there on Main street. I’m just gonna grab her in your jacket and we’ll take her right over. Please, Techie? “ And he’s never been good at standing up for himself, but he especially cannot resist when Matt looks at him with those big, soft eyes.

Techie gives up his windbreaker, leaving just the threadbare yellow t-shit that he kept meaning to throw out, but somehow never managed. He needed new clothes, he always forgot.

In the end ‘two seconds’ spins out into half an hour of Matt chasing the skinny but surprisingly agile stray cat around the alley, occasionally calling for Techie to, ‘just chase her over this way- no, left!’, but he is beaming, all gap-toothed happiness when he finally manages to throw the windbreaker over her and wrap her up in it.

“What if I get rabies?” Techie frets, as they walk to the pet shelter, gingerly pressing at the shallow claw marks on his arm.

“You’re not going to get rabies. She’s such a sweet girl, she would never give you rabies,” he says in the baby voice people use for talking to cute animals, “Listen, she’s purring!”

It was true. Wrapped up in Techie’s now filthy jacket, the cat was happily purring in Matt’s arms as they walk.

They hand the cat over to the lady at the shelter and make it to work at 9:47.

As usual.

~

Life goes on. Nobody claims the cat, and Techie is helpless to stop Matt from bringing it home to their apartment, despite his best arguments that they don’t have room and he thinks he might be allergic to cats and anyway it tried to give him rabies. Matt names her Millicent.

~

“Yes, mommy,” Techie can just make out the rumble of Matt’s voice from the other side of their office wall. “Okay, mommy…. yes…. okay… yes, mommy.”

Matt will be thirty years old in August and he still calls his mother ‘mommy’, in the small, childish tone of a little boy. Techie is the first roommate he’s ever had. He’d never lived on his own before they moved in together two years ago.

Techie pays the rent and the electricity and does the grocery shopping, not because he wants to but because if he doesn’t then Matt just won’t  and then where would they be?

In return, Matt does the dishes (sometimes) and reminds Techie to go to bed at a decent hour and is also probably the only reason Techie hasn’t been fired from his job as IT support at New Republic Industries.

Not that he likes his job- he hates his job. He spends eight hours a day being ordered around and dismissed and insulted. When things work right, people ask, “Why do we even need you?” and when they don’t work, its, “What do they even pay you for?”

He hates New Republic. He’s… he isn’t even really sure what they do, to be honest, which some disused little part of his mind knows is odd, though he can never quite put his finger on why. Whatever they do, it’s something he vaguely disapproves of- he knows that much.

But what can he do? It pays the bills. If he didn’t work here he’d have to go back to working for his father’s day care, and he’s never been good with children. Between his IT job and Matt’s work as an office boy-slash-general lackey for his mother, they just about make due.

So he gets up in the morning, and he goes to work at nine, or as close to nine as he can manage with Matt in tow. They go home at 5:30, the same route every time, and eat cheap takeout and pet the cat, and sometimes he remembers to do the dishes before they grow legs and crawl away. Then they go to bed and do the whole thing again the next day.

~

“Do you ever have weird dreams?” Matt asks one morning on their daily carpool as they pass through the town square and Techie is thinking that that he needs to tell Matt to remind him to pay Mr. Gold when they get out of work.

“Dreams? Like what?” he asks.

“I don’t know. Maybe ones that feel like…. like remembering something you forgot.”

“I had a dream I forgot to feed Millie and she started eating my toes once.”

“Not like that,” Matt says. There’s something somber and pensive in his tone that isn’t usually there. “Like there’s some important, something really important you’re supposed to be doing, and you only remember it in your dreams.”

Techie always feels like there’s something important he’s supposed to be doing. That was how anxiety worked. “Maybe you slept wrong?” he offers.

“Yeah, maybe,” Matt says, running a hand through his messy curls. He had dyed them last summer and was waiting for the color to grow out. It was taking forever.

~~

They on their way home from work. It’s been a few days, or maybe a few weeks since the dream conversation.

Maybe it had happened more than once.

Matt is driving and Techie is making a grocery list in his head for later when he sees the blonde woman in the red jacket storm across the road right ahead, completely ignoring their oncoming car.

“Stop! Stop!” Techie yelps suddenly, and Matt wrenches the wheel and slams on the breaks, sending them both jerking against their seatbelts. The breaks squeal. There’s little bump and a crash.

“Status report!”

“Huh?” Matt asks, dazed, adjusting his glasses.

“What?” Techie echoes. What did- why did he say that? He shakes his head. “We didn’t hit her, did we?”

As soon as he says it, he catches a flash of red and blonde across the street as the woman throws open the door to Mr. Gold’s shop. A wave of relief washes through him.

“Just the curb, I think,” Matt says. He has his head stuck out the window. There’s an awful grinding sound as he throws the car into reverse and they pull carefully back onto the road. Techie grits his teeth. Once they’re back on asphalt the grinding stops. “It sounds okay, don’t you think?”  

“Like either of us know,” Techie says, nerves making him waspish, although if they had messed up the suspension they might not be able to tell right away, not unless the car started to pull on the turn. Or there could be a puncture in the brake lines, or a damaged-

How did he know that? He must have read it somewhere.

Techie rubs a hand over his eyes, “Lets- lets just go home.”

~~

Matt is in the kitchen washing the dishes, humming to himself, and Techie is on the couch with Millie warm and sleepy on his lap when awareness hits him like a wave.

The humming stops.

His hands tremble, as if from exhaustion, but he isn’t tired- not tired, he is more awake than he has been in years. He stands, dumping the cat onto the floor, brushing a hand through his own long, lank hair as if aware of it for the first time.

How- Where?

A shadow appears in the kitchen doorway, big enough to blot out the light.

“General,” Matt- Kylo says.

Hux’s shoulders creak a little with disuse as he holds himself straight-backed for the first time in twenty-eight years. He tilts his head from side to side, loosening the muscles in his neck. The cat has abandoned him to twine around Kylo’s legs, needy, in the way she does to Matt when she wants to be fed. Kylo nudges the animal away with his foot, less than gently.

“Were you responsible for this?” Kylo asks, low and threatening, indicating with his chin the messy domestic scene around them.

Hux remembers weak little Matt, with his easy smile and soft heart, and how he- how Techie had felt about him. “I had assumed it was your doing,” he swallows. “Things like this are more your domain than mine.”

“It wasn’t me,” he answers.“Who, then? If not the Force, then what had the power to do this?”Kylo’s jaw works. “Let’s go find out.”

[lachalaine]

Hair ^^

Send any of the below and I’ll give detailed descriptions ofmy Muse’s…

Hair

i just wrote a two page essay on her hair. j, what the f-

Aaah her hair. Okay so – her hair is the stuff of Bratz DollDreams, okay?? By that, I mean it’s probably what a little girl always imaginedher hair would be like if she was a princess.

So for starters, she’s got naturally wavy hair. It’s thickand slightly fluffy, certainly got a lot of volume to it. It’s not kinkythough, and it doesn’t have coils to it, but more it’s got a certain twirl in certainsections.  I’d say her hair is mostlybeach waves on a regular basis, and though sometimes it does get tangled – it’snot exactly the hardest to brush out because it’s really soft and she uses ashit ton of conditioner on it. Honestly she’s the vainest person with her hair,she takes care of it a lot. She will cut your head off if you cut it withouther permission.

It’s rather long and reaches just above her waist. Incollege, she only ever let it reach her below her shoulders. After college whenshe dyed her hair, she let it grow beyond that so now she kind of looks likesome kind of mermaid.

Now her natural hair color is black – a slightly lighterraven tinge – so to get it to that shade of purple, she has to consistentlybleach her roots whenever it gets too long along the top. Generally you won’tnotice when it gets that long though, because she never really allows her hairto get light enough in shade that you can see the shift in color. If you do manageto see it, it’ll still look pretty nice because it blends really well despitethe difference in shades.

Her hair dye is predominantly purple, and she generallymixes in blue and pink into it. Half the time she’ll do it herself every like— two or three month’s maybe? She will actively sit in her bathroom and weara shirt that she dubs ‘the dye shirt’ because it’s already completely stained fromthe past few times she’s done her hair and she’s given up on salvaging it. Shelearned how to do it from watching YouTube tutorials, so compared to the firstfew times she’s had her hair done, it’s actually pretty nice. She doesn’t dothe bleaching though because she’s scared she’ll burn it in the process so shehas that done at a salon.

Usually her hair color can stay pretty vibrant for up to twomonths, before it starts to fade out by the third or fourth. It usuallylightens to a more fuchsia pink so it’s not terrible– but she starts to really cringe because she prefers the darker violet to whateverpinkish hue pops up. I think the lightest she’s ever let it go was until itstarted to turn rose gold – because the blonde had still been stained by thepurple and then it just kind of made her really irritable whenever she lookedin the mirror.

Her hair smells like lavender from her conditioner, so it’sjust a really soft fragrance.

The hair color actually manages to stick to her hair prettydarn well, all things considered. I can tell you that the original reason shedyed it that shade was because she actually just really like the color purpleand really liked the photos she’d seen online of people using it. But she neveractually thought she’d still to the shade. At first she was really self-consciousover it, because a lot of people tended to look at her and she was honestlyvery shy about being in the spotlight after college. But then after a while itkind of – allowed her to accept herself more?? Like she learned to kind of bemore comfortable with the attention, because she rarely ever gets criticism onit. Most would say the shade suits her, and she adores it when kids stop tostare at her like she’s some kind of magical being it always makes her smileaaaah.

Okay but some Norse mythos stuff !! So the real connectionwith Jackie and her hair though and the reason she feels so comfortable with itis that it was the natural hair color of Jazzele. Generally when she goes intosiren form, her hair will actively change to a really natural lavender – kindof eradicating the blues and the pinks until it’s only that one shaderemaining. In a way, Jackie has always felt like she was just more herself whenshe’d dyed her hair. Like she’d kind of always been meant to have hair thatshade, no matter how stupid that may sound. She kind of rationalizes it as achildlike desire but there’s more to it than that. That’s also why the dyefuses so well with her hair.

AND – SOME SAD STUFF. Okay so Jackie knows that if she evergave up on being a DJ, she’d probably go for a behind the desk job. Corporate –because you know, that’s what she has a degree on. Which she would hate.Absolutely, completely despise with everything in her being. Because that meanssuits and black hair and heels and sitting behind a desk hitting deadlines fora boss that probably doesn’t care about anything besides profit. And you knowshe’s always had this deep seated fear that she’s never quite measured up toher friends from her college days. When she told them she’d go into musicproduction, as much as they’d supported her, there was always that majority ofboth professors and classmates that went like ‘oh, but you won’t get that muchmoney as an artist’ and ‘it’s risky and not a stable profession’ and etc etcbasically !!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was reminded of how absolutely difficult it wasgoing to be to make a living and how she was basically wasting her four year degreefor something that she couldn’t guarantee she’d succeed in.

For a while there she was kind of ashamed of herself,because she knew that when people her age would be making money and being CEO’sand what not, she’d probably be somewhere struggling for a gig. Also she knewthat her parents probably would have wanted her to go into something morestable – because where the other parents could boast of managers and people owningtheir own businesses, if things went wrong – they would have nothing to beproud of for her. But really, her parents could care less about how much moneyshe made. They were people far more interested in whether their daughter washappy – and though they had a few concerns, they trusted that she had a goodhead on her shoulders to figure it out.

SO, ONTO THE HAIR THING. Basically, what I was getting at isthat – if Jackie was ever forced to dye her hair back to black, it would bebecause she’d essentially given up on her passion in life and resigned herselfto having a desk job. One might say it would be because she’d maybe gottentired of the constant need to dye it, but honestly – having purple hair feelslike freedom for her and to have to change that would be really, reallydifficult for her. It’s become kind of a part of her in a way, and it sort ofsymbolizes her moving past the criticisms people had given her – where she’dalways been meant to fit in a box and how this was the first indication she’dhad where it was okay to be different.She wouldn’t feel like Jackie anymore and ITS PROBABLY LIKE SUCH A TINY THINGTO ANYONE ELSE BUT HER HAIR IS VERY IMPORTANT TO HER OKAY ???????????????????

— @rasaxyana

[blockheadbrands]

Josh Kesselman of Raw Rolling Papers: The High Times Interview

Danny Danko and Mike Gianakos of High Times Reports:

Raw founder Josh Kesselman has created the best known brand in rolling papers. Having achieved an unthinkable level of success, Kesselman turned his talents to charity work. Learn how he has saved 25,000 lives and counting.

Early on, Josh Kesselman sensed a void in the rolling-paper market. The former smoke-shop owner and collector of papers realized there wasn’t a truly natural option for consumers. In 2005, Kesselmam founded Raw, an all-natural “vegan” rolling paper. Under his guidance, Raw has become one of the most recognized and trusted rolling-paper brands in the world. In this exclusive interview, Kesselman discusses the secret to his success as a rolling-paper kingpin, the importance of innovation in entrepreneurship and the incredible charity work that has become his passion.

Most people know Raw Papers—it’s my favorite rolling paper. It’s a major part of a lot of people’s lives.

Thank you.

Take us back to before you started the company. How did you get involved in the industry?

Okay, I’ve got to give you the supershort version because you won’t give me hours to sit here and talk. And I would do it! For me, it all began as a kid here in New York City and my dad doing a magic trick with his rolling paper. That was the only magic trick he knew, and that [made] me fall in love with rolling papers—like a true infatuation. I became a collector of them. That’s all I really wanted to get into was rolling paper. I loved them. I had the biggest collection, I think, in the world at the time. It was a hobby. It was my passion.

So when I was in college, I scrounged up enough money to open up a tiny little head shop in Gainesville, FL, where I began trading with the other collectors to bring in cool papers from Europe, a lot of the old, cool shit. That brought me into the actual industry, where I’m importing papers into America and selling them. And then the actual idea for Raw, I was at my store and I brought in whatever anybody asked for. A dude asked me to bring in this natural cigarette, and at the time this was a big deal. We’re talking, like, ’93. He was like, “Oh my God, you’ve got to get these, they’re amazing! You got to bring them in!” So I say, “Of course.” I brought them in for him, and he comes in, opens it up and gives me a smoke. And he pulls it out, and I already know paper. I know a lot about paper at this point, and I’m expecting them to be like a natural brown [color]. I’m expecting it to be this beautiful thing because he’s been telling me, “It’s so natural!” And he pulls it out, and it just looks like a regular fucking Marlboro. And I was so disappointed. So right then was when I realized that all paper was essentially white. Why was that? Why are we still making this shit? So that led me down the road to Raw.

You’re talking about bleach, right? Rolling papers are bleached with actual bleach?

Some papers are bleached with actual bleach. A lot of times what you’re seeing when you see a white paper, you’re seeing chalk, like the chalk dust from when you were in school. The biggest paper companies out there add chalk to their papers because it gives you what we call a bogus white ash, so that as the paper burns down you see white, and you think, “Oh my God, it’s such good quality!” You don’t realize you’re literally smoking chalk dust.

Now, you know that that’s going to impact the flavor and other attributes, and if you’re a purist like me the last thing you want to be doing is smoking chalk dust. They do it even on their brown papers. They literally take their old paper, and maybe it’s a tiny bit different, but it still has the chalk, and then they add this brown dye. It’s called ammonia caramel, ammonia brown dye. They add that to make it browner! They don’t expect you to be able to taste the chalk. They don’t expect you to realize, and you do realize it because you taste it.

So, basically, you had the head shop and you realized there was a lack of a natural paper on the market and that led to Raw Papers?

Essentially, I smoke. I smoke a lot. I always have. And you know what it’s like when you smoke socially. You sit around with your friends, and you come up with brilliant fucking ideas, and Raw was one of those ideas. I didn’t know if I’d ever have the wherewithal to actually pull it off, but I dreamed of it starting in ’93.

I can remember the first time I saw a pack of Raw papers, sort of being a little skeptical, as I am of any new product, but then trying it and realizing, okay, this is something different and new, and this is a game changer. This was even before the whole clear-paper craze…

Oh God!

I was always against that. I had a few friends that went that route, though. But now you’ve got all these celebs, Wiz Khalifa and 2 Chainz…

Yeah, all my buddies.

They’re all on Raw. I remember Curren$y in particular. He was one of the first rappers to say, “Hey, I smoke this instead of blunts.” He was almost shaming his friends that were smoking blunts.

Yeah, because when you smoke a blunt you can’t taste your terps, man. You have no chance of getting any flavor, nothing.

Well, and you’re killing yourself.

Yeah, and you’re killing yourself, literally.

I had people tell me, “Oh, I quit smoking cigarettes,” and they’re smoking a blunt as they’re telling me that. I’m like, “You know that’s unfiltered tobacco, right?”

Oh, not just that. Remember, blunts are not meant to be inhaled. Like cigars are not supposed to be inhaled…

Right, that’s why people get that dizzy feeling. But, you know, the idea with blunts was, it makes the bag last longer. We can spread it out.

I have a theory. You know, I know blunt culture really fucking well. I’m part of blunt culture. It began when we were all smoking really crappy stuff. There was nothing else out there but really crappy shit. When you’re smoking absolute garbage, a blunt might be a great way to go, you know?

Right, but when you want the flavor of the material…

Yeah, we’re going the other way here. You’ve seen my latest launches, like the Raw Black. This is all about getting it to the point where you can taste even more. So I mean, if you’re smoking something that tastes like shit, a blunt is a great way to go because it’s going to mask that flavor and taste. But if you’re smoking something that’s amazing, you want to really enjoy it. You don’t want to eat a steak with a fucking condom on your tongue. You know what I mean?

Right, right. But speaking of steak, you’re a vegan, right?

Yeah.

You have been for years. And you have a vegan Ferrari?

Yes, I really do. Everyone fucks with me about that.

That is pretty intense. Like there’s no leather?

No animal products in the glue, no leather in the car. It was a real pain in the ass. But it’s beautiful.

So, obviously, that’s a sign of the success of your entrepreneurship, which I know you’re passionate about. But you’re even more passionate about philanthropy, right?

This dipshit sitting right here has likely saved probably 25,000 lives by now. Imagine that. This fucking dude who smokes more than most anyone who’s reading this has literally, one way or another, saved about 25,000 other human beings. That’s fucked-up that I could pull that shit off.

How is that possible?

There’s just such great need in places like Ethiopia and Uganda and the Congo, and feeding programs that I’ve done in the Philippines. But my biggest numbers do come out of Ethiopia, because I’ve got an amazing ground crew there. I don’t know how to describe it. I call it entrepreneurial philanthropy, where we run it as almost like a division of the business, where we’re literally going for these numbers. We call it a CPL—cost per life—which is a terrible thing. I hope you’ll never have to calculate it in your life. As you’re evaluating which projects to do, you’re deciding what the cost per life is, and you’re going for your maximum cost per life without looking at religion or preferences or anything. We just don’t go into areas where they’re going to kill me, because then it’s all over anyway.

Right. You’re talking about the most impoverished parts of the world.

Yeah, you’re looking at the poorest of the poor. I was in Dire Dawa, Ethiopia, in April with the Sisters of Mother Teresa at a compound where I just put in this beautiful fucking water system. They hadn’t had fresh water, good clean water there ever, probably. We put in this amazing system for the Sisters. This is a place where it’s so poor and so rough that I am not allowed to spend the night…

You’re literally digging the first wells that ever existed in these places. They can maybe sometimes access water, but the water they get is so low quality that it’s not potable by any means.

So kids are dying from that water.

Yeah, dysentery, any kind of waterborne illness you can imagine.

People are carrying water for miles.

They’ll spend their entire day from the morning until night going to get water, bringing it back to the house, from the age of 4. I’ve got these videos of these little girls being trained to carry water, and they’re tripping on the rocks and falling, and they’re 4 years old. I’ve got a daughter myself. Yeah, it’s fucking heartbreaking. Right there, I was like, okay. That became a project of love where I was like, “We are stopping this right here.” And we did.

Right. Why don’t more entrepreneurs do this sort of thing? What’s stopping people?

It’s fear and a lack of love. Giving away money… I’ve given away, I don’t know, maybe two million bucks by now. I’m not sure, but something ridiculous like that. For some dude to give away that kind of fucking money, it’s scary as fuck. I could use that money to buy a bunch of stupid shit, or maybe I’ll need that money later! And you get really scared. However, I just keep reminding myself it’s not that many more days until I’m dead and buried in the fucking ground, and I want it to be legendary in terms of “That motherfucker did so much goddamn good. He didn’t just take, he gave, too, man.”

Well, you certainly are. But you live big, too.

Yeah, of course!

I mean, I follow you on Instagram. You’re traveling first class and visiting with all these celebs and everything, and having a great life.

I’m trying to do both, right? I’m trying to live both lives at the same time.

I think that’s incredible. And it’s all possible thanks to your work in the rolling-paper industry.

I know!

One thing I’ve noticed about you is you really see what people want in a product. Or what they do with it, and you adapt it to their needs.

That’s the goal. I work for you, and I don’t pretend I don’t. You know what I mean? My job is to make things better for you, one way or another. How can I improve it?

So you’re just constantly thinking of ways to improve people’s sessions.

Yes. Literally, that’s what I do. That’s really a good way to put it.

Right. Well, tell me a little more about Raw Papers. A lot of people feel like a paper’s a paper. What makes Raw different?

Okay. We won’t go too deep into paper science. The most important thing is something called joules, where you’re trying to match the joules stored in the paper to your material. And as materials change in the world, I had to make new paper in order to match the new, incredibly high-end strains that are so moist and so perfect and beautiful that we now have. I had to make a paper for that. You’re trying to do two things. One is you need to have enough stored energy—not too much, not too little—to match what you’re smoking. And you also have to design it to burn in a way that’s going to be consistent and not run. You want to do this naturally. It can be done with chemicals. You can put phosphates in, and lots of people do. Of course, I don’t. No fucking way.

If I can thin out the paper and give you just enough joules, just enough stored energy in order to cause your material to burn properly and transfer its energy into you, then I’ve done my job exactly right. If I make the paper too thick, you’re not going to experience the joy of your material as well. You’re not going to taste it as good. If I thin out the paper too much, the paper will not have enough energy left in itself to burn your material. It just won’t. So right now, like on the Raw Black, that’s as thin as realistically anyone wants to go. It’s completely possible with modern machines to go much thinner. We could probably cut that thinness even in half, but if you go to smoke that, you’re going to hate it, because it’s not going to have energy for your material.

You’re trying to do it naturally. Raw is just made out of plants. So if you decide [to only make a paper out of plants], how can you control the burn? How can you make it better without adding crazy chemicals? Well, you adjust the watermark. That’s the imprint on the paper that gets done with a steam wheel, in order to collect the burn to go the way you want it to. You also develop it with different sizes, different shapes. Then you work on other things. What about the people who can’t fold? We make cones for them. Then we go on and on like this to try to make it where, in the end, everybody can experience the best rolling paper in the world.

When you talk about animal materials in papers, maybe people don’t really understand, but a lot of these glues are animal-based, right?

Some rolling companies have, at least in the past, used animal-based glues. The part that I hated back when I was doing this, especially in the ’90s, is they would claim natural glue when the glue was made from—

Horse hooves and things like that.

Yeah, all that kind of [stuff]. And yes, technically that’s natural. It’s just not what we think of when we think of natural. You know?

Right.

So, yeah, with Raw, the gum is just made out of tree sap, essentially. Ta-da! You know, people are like, “What’s your secret?” Bunch of plants and some tree sap! It’s really that simple.

What is your advice to entrepreneurs?

My advice to them is to truly make the best of whatever it is that [they do]. I was raised by my grandparents. I was raised [with] the build-a-better-mousetrap theory, where you get rewarded for making a better mousetrap. And your goal is always to make the best that has ever been made. That’s the first step. Now, I know, nowadays you have to go market it and do all this other kind of stuff. Great, cool. That’s step two. Step one is first make the greatest [product possible].

Right. Improve something. And then if that’s a success, improve the world…

Yes.

You know, there’s this general cynicism, I think, that people have, that every foundation is a tax shelter. Anytime anyone has that giving impulse, their motivation just isn’t pure. But I mean, obviously with you, the motivation’s pure—

Well, no. I say it’s not pure. You want to know why? Because part of the reason I do this is because it makes me feel so fucking good. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you have that many lives under your belt. You know what I mean?

You’re directly saving lives and it makes you feel better to help people.

Yeah, every single time we do a project. And every time I’m over there and you see the projects and you’re touching the people that you fucking helped. Dude. I’ve got to tell you, honestly, there is no greater high in the world, and I’ve done a lot of fucking drugs in my life, man. There’s nothing greater than that feeling.

Incredible. Well, it makes me feel better for all of the Raw papers that I have consumed over the years. But how can the average person participate and help out?

Because of all the bullshit that’s going on out there, because there’s so much crap and lies and fraud and everything else you could imagine, we don’t take money from anybody. We really don’t. I’ll get friends to sometimes chip in, or sometimes if I have to sue some dude, I’ll make the lawsuit settlement be like, “Okay, you have to pay 50 grand to Wine to Water.” [Laughs] You’re going to save a bunch of lives in Ethiopia with me, whether you like it or not, as the settlement. I do things like that, but we don’t actually take money from outsiders.

What I really want people to do more than anything is to simply do the same thing. I want them to emulate this. I want them to become the greatest success in the fucking world at whatever it is they’re doing and then give back. So whatever you’re doing, I just want you to do it incredibly well, make yourself a massive fucking success because the world needs you to and then give back.

TO READ MORE OF THIS ARTICLE ON HIGH TIMES, CLICK HERE.

https://hightimes.com/culture/josh-kesselman-raw-rolling-papers-high-times-interview/

[stilesrobinsonmichael]

Time to Move On [Hope x Stiles]

@hope-robinson

[Hope]

Hope was still in her room as she sent Stiles a message to come by and visit her. She could have snuck out but she couldn’t risk that Incase she needed to see her son or Zach. So she just waited for Stiles to come by.

[Stiles]

Stiles had gotten the message to come by Hope’s room. That bracelet had been glowing nonstop and each time he tried to reset it the pain was absolutely unbearable. The sooner he took care of the glowing the less the pain affected him so he had grown accustomed to trying to get it out of the bracelet as soon as possible. However, ever since Liam told him that Liam was going to be hanging around with Hope, he had neglected to even notice that the bracelet was glowing until a few days after. Having to deal with the pain was absolutely draining him. He had knocked on the door once he arrived and waited for her to answer the door. “Hey, Hope are you busy?”

[Hope]

She opened her door and shook her head as she moved to let Stiles in. “I wish I was busy. You know I think I’m the only kid that our parents punish it’s not fair.” She sighed closing the door and moving back to her bed. “What have you been doing older brother, I heard you got a job.”

[Stiles]

“You have heard correctly. I am a teacher at the school now. I help to educate the children about shifters. I also have been training a lot on the side as well so there is that too.” He responds with a small smile. “How about you? It’s been a while since we last talked. I heard that Zach got kicked out of the castle so how have you been holding up?”

[Hope]

“That’s cool.” She smiled back before shrugging, “As expected I guess. I mean I wish he was here but I can’t do much else so I’m just being patient as father puts it.” She replied.

[Stiles]

“That can be rough but I am sure your mother will forgive him soon. She just needs time I guess.” He responds before feeling the bracelet start to glow around his wrist and he immediately used his other hand to cover it as he put both hands behind his back rather nonchalantly.

[Hope]

“You say you want to be apart of the family but you never say our mom, you are quite strange.” She said before seeing his bracelet. “You don’t have to hide it, Zach told me already. He notices everything, even things I don’t want him to see. It’s hard hiding things now.”

[Stiles]

“I feel weird saying our mom...I feel like that is insulting Sam. That is like if I were to call Dylan dad and we all know how that would go over, not very well.” Stiles lets out a small laugh. “Zach told you about the bracelet? So then you know about what it does? Can I use your bathroom for a minute…”

[Hope]

“I called Dylan daddy before, I wasn’t impressed with the results.” She said before nodding. “Yeah I do and sure you know where it is.”

[Stiles]

“You slept with my step-dad?” Stiles couldn’t help but to make a face and gag a little at the thought. “That is so gross. I need to bleach my brain now. Thank you for that.” He laughed before excusing himself to go to the bathroom.

[Hope]

“I did. Oh that might actually be something Zach does not know, though I guess it doesn’t matter it wasn’t like I want to do it again. And I thought we were sharing things, you would have found out eventually.” She shrugged not seeing the dig deal as she watched him head to the bathroom.

[Stiles]

“That is true but still I could have gone my whole life without knowing that you know.” He responds before heading to the bathroom and shutting the door. The bracelet had already sealed itself to his arm. His eyes glowed blue before he could feel the black substance starting to seep into his veins as he tried to absorb the pain from the bracelet.

[Hope]

“Oh get over it, it’s sex and he isn’t your actual father so it again doesn’t really change anything for you.” She yelled out to him as she turned her attention to her phone..

[Stiles]

It was always fine, the pain was bearable until it got to his heart. He bit back a groan as he could feel it start to creep to his heart. The male had made it this far without anyone seeing him suffering the side effects and he wasn’t going to let anyone else know because he didn’t need Liam to come and tell him about everything he was doing wrong.

[Hope]

Hope knew what was happening but if Stiles didn’t ask for her she figured it was better to just stay where she was.

[Stiles]

There was no way that Stiles was going to mention what was happening to Hope. He didn’t want her to think that he was complaining and being all depressed again. The male was changing himself and he wanted to prove that. If he were to call her in for help, well there wasn’t much she could do to help him anyway. She would tell him to get over it and find someone else.

His eyes flashed in distress as he could feel his grip tightening on the sink as his claws started to grow out. He could hear his heartbeat in his head and it was starting to really bother him. Of course it would be now of all times to feel like the absolute worst thing he had ever felt. His body was overheating and he needed to cool off fast. Stiles turned on the cold water and stripped himself of his clothes before getting into the shower. He had hoped that Hope didn’t mind but part of him told him that she knew what was going on, Zach had probably already told her about it.

[Hope]

She heard the shower running and moved to grab some of Zach’s clothes and a towel and opened the bathroom door to leave them there for Stiles. Closing the door behind her she went back to waiting on her bed.

[Stiles]

After a few minutes it finally passed and Stiles had not even noticed that Hope had brought some clothes into the bathroom. He took a few moments to collect himself before shaking himself dry after turning the water off and then getting out of the shower. Seeing the clothes he smiled slightly before putting them on. He held onto his own clothes as he exited the bathroom. “Sorry about that. I just...it’s better to deal with it when it happens instead of putting it off til the last minute. Anyway, what were we talking about?”

[Hope]

“It’s fine just be thankful I had extra clothes for you or that would have been awkward.” She responds before looking at the other. “How long are you going to do this? Why don’t you just go to Pan and ask him to help you break the bond. You are putting yourself through pain Liam specifically asked you not to go through. He asked you to break the bond meaning he didn’t want to be bonded to you, I know that sucks but he isn’t going to change his mind so just stop and ask for some real help.”

[Stiles]

“You really think I want to live the rest of my life like this? I already went to Pan. I know what Liam said and believe me I have tried very hard to break it. But I can’t break it. It’s an imprint bond. If I break it...I won’t be able to mate with anyone ever again. I won’t be able to feel the feelings that comes with it the bond that is created between shifters, it will have been taken away from me because I remove my imprint bond. I already know he doesn’t want me Hope believe me I do. I have even ask Pan if there was a way to take away my shifter powers because if I am not a shifter I can’t have an imprint. He said he can’t because then what is he supposed to do with the power he takes out of me? I asked him if he could turn me into a siren instead that way I keep my powers but then I don’t have to worry about the stupid imprint bond. I never thought I could hate having an imprint so much. I thought it would be something that could really help me but...I only have to bare this for a little while longer, then Pan said he will change me. Then I can finally be free from the bond...be free from Liam.”

[Hope]

“So you are changing? You think that’s not insulting your mother? You don’t want to call Misty mom but you are erasing the part of you that your parents gave you and trading it for something else. All because of Liam. That doesn’t bother you? That doesn’t sound completely stupid? I would have killed to give up one of my powers, I would have happily just been a siren or just been a shifter but we don’t get to decide that and you haven’t even told Liam what you are doing just to get over him. I want to support you but I don’t support that. Being a siren is exactly what Liam wants so you are turning into a siren who will be an e and then all your problems are fine? Have you talked to anyone else? Maybe someone else could help.”

[Stiles]

“Nibs is still part siren so I would share that part in common with not just him but the rest of you as well. I know that Sam wouldn’t want me suffering like this for the rest of my life. Of course it bothers me Hope. I want to be able to stay who I am but I don’t want to have to go through pain everytime the bond breaks over someone that doesn’t love me or want anything to do with me. I can’t do it anymore. He didn’t tell me that he wanted you to carry his child and I think that is something that we should have talked about but we didn’t because he was helping you with your plan to get Zach back which is fine. I don’t care. He doesn’t care about me Hope and even if I told him it would just scare him even more because he would think I did it so that we could be together and I just...that’s not the reason at all.”

“He won’t understand Hope, he will misinterpret what my intentions are and jump to conclusions before even talking to me and then he will push himself farther away and while I personally don’t give a shit about if he wants to be my mate or not I just want my best friend back so if this will help me to do that and keep me from dying I don’t see why I can’t. I want to live Hope, I want to live a happy life and I can’t do that if this fucking bond is tying me down. I want to be rid of it so that you all can stop telling me to move the fuck on because I will actually be able to once I am changed.”

[Hope]

“I guess if that what will make you happy then that’s fine. I can’t stop you, I can only support you and hopefully TJ will do the same but I truly doubt it. You do know you will still won’t be a pureblood right? Peter can’t just give you that or there would be royals running around everywhere and I know mom...or my mom won’t just heal you. I mean she will eventually but she won’t be happy about it. I just want to prepare you because being an e is no better than that bracelet you are wearing.”

[Stiles]

“I have already asked literally everyone and tried every last thing to get rid of this imprint bond but they are unbreakable. Maybe I can talk to her about it. I literally have run out of options Hope and I am exhausted, I have been getting better at hiding it but I don’t want to keep living my life with this bracelet and having to feel that physical pain each time and having to feel the attachment to him because I don’t want it. I want to be free of it. I want my life back so that is why I am doing something about it instead of moping like I used to.”

[Hope]

She nods. “Like I said I will support you through this so I will talk to her about it as well. And hey maybe when I’m not grounded I can take you out and introduce you to some people, get your mind off of Liam. But if you want that friendship back just tell him that. I’m sure he misses his friend too.”

[Stiles]

“I don’t know Hope I have tried to bring this up to him before and things never really go well when we talk. There is always miscommunication. And after all the things that we had talked about and all the things he hasn’t said that I have heard through others I don’t think that it would be a good idea to be his friend.”

[Hope]

“I don’t know...I wish I still had Ken as a friend. I miss him, so I’m sure you feel the same. Don’t regret letting people out of your life. It just sucks. If you really want him as a friend then figure out what that means for you and do it.” She replied.

[Stiles]

“But don’t you see? That would be selfish of myself to want to still be friends with him because if that was something he wanted he would have made more of an effort when I reached out to him instead of blocking me out completely. You still have the chance to go and talk to my brother you know. He is probably already over it by now anyway.” He responds with a sigh, “First thing I am doing once I change is going to a club. We are both going to go to a club and just yes, I need a club and some fun and drinks.”

[Hope]

“The last time I talked to Ken I kissed him. So...yeah I think it’s best for me to stay away from him. It just gets complicated and Zach has already had to deal with a lot, I’m not going to ask him if I can be friends with Ken.” She replied before nodding, “Yes I agree.”

[Stiles]

“I guess so. I think Pan said that I have a week left before all the arrangements are made so maybe I should talk to your mother sooner rather than later. Do you know where she is right now?” He asks.

[Hope]

“No idea, probably in her room? Or...I don’t know I’ve been in here the whole time I have no idea where anyone is.” She admitted.

[Stiles]

“Oh okay...well is there anything else that could help you with or is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about?”

[Hope]

“No, I was hoping Zach would send me an update on Emmett but I guess I am just going to head to bed. Let me know how all that stuff goes with Pan yeah?” She replied getting comfortable as she watched the other start to leave.

[Stiles]

“Yeah I will tell you don’t worry.” He responds before heading out. “Oh and I will bring you back the clothes clean tomorrow morning, thanks again.”