#would be 10/10 if the black bibs were blue

[oneminutefiftysixseconds]

Groupama-FDJ reconning the gravel stage of the Tour de France 2024

[sanstropfremir]

episode eight! we're almost finished!

it's the final round before the finale and i wish i could say this episode felt like it. i felt that there was a real lack of dynamism amongst the stages this week and it made them all kind of blend together on a similar plane. obviously the comparision can't be one to one with kingdom because the circumstances were quite different, but the last round before the finale was the batshit crazy round where all the groups were throwing anything and everything at the wall to see if it would stick. i said in i think the first review that i did that queendom can't operate on the same scale because there's the live audience in play, but i'm not gonna lie, there is a part of me that misses the spectacle. i had hoped that the groups would be willing to take bigger risks with this last round, but i guess because there's at sword of damocles elimination hanging over everyone's heads, it's making people play it a bit more safe. oh well.

wjsn

costume

i don't love it. i wish they would branch out more from their glittery princess look because i'm getting bored of it. pretty much all of their group costumes have been approximated the same shape and have been bedecked with rhinestones, and since this was a vaguely 20s inspired styling there were several different ways they could have gone rather than this. going for big glitter was definitely the easiest way to shortcut the glitz of the 10s and 20s but the costumes would have 100% benefitted here from some proper silhouettes at least. some of those dresses truly had some unflattering skirt lines and that could have easily been fixed by actually commiting to a concept, as opposed to just doing a glitter girl group styling with a vague conceptual flavour.

at least someone on the styling team was actually paying attention because pinstripe suits and wing collared bib-fronts with cummerbunds are actually proper black tie formal wear! the suits themselves however are not a black tie cut but i won't be too hard on them for that.

lighting

someone FINALLY got their act together on wjsn's creative team and made an interesting choice!! that intro effect is done with a scrim! it's a specific type of fabric that's woven so that when light is projected onto it from the front it's opaque (which is how they got projections on the front of it) but when it's lit from behind, it's transparent! it's a pretty old theatre technique that gets used for things like dream sequences and ghost effects; there's a lot of stuff you can do with it and i'm so glad that someone finally got off their ass and talked to a theatre lighting designer about different types of lighting effects. i will forgive their magic moon princess deal this one time because they pulled off the effects SO well with the scrim.

other than that, the lighting was WAY too much, especially in the climax. all the heavy saturated purple and magenta made it impossible for me to tell what was happening, and that was not helped by the sheer amount of people on the stage doing things. more on that later.

another thing that i think would have helped with the clarity of the stage is if there was a stronger lighting break at the wind-up doll section. there already is a strong musical break, but just going to blue and then immediately back to purple isn't enough of a visual cue. it would have been a lot cleaner and more dramatic if they had gone to black and white or something with a more dynamic contrast to really play up the drama! it would have made that whole section land more instead of just feeling like another schtick.

sound

i think i just have to accept that i don't like wjsn's music. again i found this track to be very blasty and confusing with little dynamics. i'm sure there's people that like it but it's not for me.

staging

again i will mention the scrim: finally someone doing something interesting!!!! however after that opening i feel like it really loses steam and becomes bloated with too many ideas. as fun as that wind-up doll break was in theory, i think it just muddied the concept even more than it already was. and did we need the aerialists? no. they just added another layer of movement on top of an already extremely chaotic climax and i suspect it was also a bit of a struggle for the wjsn girls that had to get into those harnesses. flying is very dangerous and requires a lot of concentration and i think it was pretty shortsighted of their management to let FOUR of the girls do that, especially at the very end of a performance with ton of people on stage and likely with also very very little training. professionals are used to the rigours and the circumstances of the job, but groups have a WEEK to prep stages for queendom. and two of those girls were spinning eight feet in the air with no safety harnesses after singing and dancing for four minutes straight and likely with a lot of adrenaline and nerves pumping. that's a recipe for disaster and although i am glad nothing went wrong and the girls pulled it off, if something had gone wrong it would have been catastrophic and a huge liability on the staff and crew. should have just left it to the trained professionals that they clearly had, or just not done it at all.

from what i can tell it looks like mnet got rid of the stage extension altogether and i'm sad to see it go. not every group was using it well but now that we've had a taste of it, going back to just one playing area feels very static. i can tell that the performance director really tried to fill the stage for this one and i can say that it worked, but i also think it was too full for too long. that is one of the downsides of having a big group is that if you want everyone on all the time, you don't have as many options with your visual dynamics and negative space. they could have mitigated some of this a little bit by have few backup dancers in specific places, but i suspect it would still be somewhat of a conundrum with just that single stage space.

kep1er

costume

well. the cloaks were very party city but to be fair, so was everything in 2011 so i'll give them the point for accuracy. i don't hate the actual costumes but i don't love them either. they're pretty much just an updated version of snsd's original styling and personally it's not enough of an adaptation to make it meaningful. longtime followers will know that i prefer covers to have a different angle than the original song and i think this stage in general was just too literal.

unsurprisingly i wish the backup dancers were not in matte black, especially because they had them do the dance break. could have at least put them in some patent leather pants.

sound

kepler does not have the vocal chops to do an snsd song. and especially not one with a gang vocal chorus like that! i know they picked the song that most fit with the 'fourth gen' sound but it still didn't work. i'm sorry i had to predict this all those months ago, i didn't want it to be true.

lighting

this was actually one of kepler's better lit stages. i could actually tell what was going on all the time and i thought their stargate ass projections were kinda fun and appropriately nonsensical second gen. and in this case since the projections, costumes, and set were all in black and white, it worked really well that the colour palette was all over the place.

staging

a set! we got a set!! i actually really liked the staircases and all those fun dead tree branchy bits, i just wished they had been used more! and the big wing effect was fun and i appreciated it being physical rather than done with the projections, which what i would have thought they would do. but actually doing a practical effect like that is much more in line with a second gen type design (i thought of ring ding dong right away lol) and it also widened out the stage a ton and made it look like a different space.

i may not have liked this stage very much, but i do think that's it's absolutely kepler's best showing to date. they finally got a performance director with some ideas to back them and it paid off in terms of making their stage look on par with the rest of the stages this round. their inexperience, however, is still incredibly clear and doing an snsd song made that very obvious.

i think this stage was the one that was the most successful in using the single playing space as well. i actually got a fairly clear sense of movement around the space and there was an ok variety in formations. not a compliment i thought i was gonna give, but sometimes people surprise you!

viviz

costume

they're nothing to write home about. eternally grateful they weren't school uniforms because that made this more into a college vibe than a high school one, thank god.

i actually thought the backup dancers' sports jersey look with the logo was cute and fun. it did a lot more to establish what the concept of this stage was than the girls' costumes

lighting

no real other complaints about the lighting! i could see what was going on and i thought the big colourful graphics were super fun. honestly the graphics upstaged the performers.

sound

didn't like the song when it was released and i still don't like it now.

staging

i don't really have any complaints about the staging either. having only three members is a huge advantage here because you have way more room to use the stage, and they did use it. using the cheerleading/school theme to get some levels in was a smart choice too. i just wasn't really wowed by anything; i think they played this stage super safe, which i guess is a fine stragety since it's the last round before the finale and they just need something that will keep them out of being last, but sadly safe in this case also meant kinda boring.

i'm so sorry to anyone who's an actual viviz stan, please accept my condolences for the fact that these girls have been delivering the exact same nothing performance with no character for the last eight weeks. i'm impressed with their consistency but wow. honestly it's getting hard to watch because it's just so boring. i was not lying when i said the graphics and projections upstaged everyone, i spent more time watching the fun shapes than i did watching a bunch of blank faces sing a twee song for four and half minutes. and i think this concept really proved how little they're giving to their performances.

---

by default wjsn's stage is my favourite from this episode, but i suspect that it will not stay in that spot once we see the ones from next week!

[leafs-lover]

Because Two People Got Drunk: 33

Chapter 33

Series Masterlist

Summary: It’s Fred’s 35th birthday and the start of the season.

Warning: Swearing, drinking, smut

Word Count: 9500

“Mommy when will Daddy be home?” you toddler shrieks running back to you from the front door. The season recently started with a season opener in Philly on Fred’s birthday last night. They are flying back and you are celebrating Fred’s birthday tonight, with a party on Tuesday on their day off. Fred told Oliver he would be back at 11am, and it’s now 11:10 so he is eagerly awaiting his return.

You hear a ding on your phone alerting you to the front gate opening “I think he’s home now” you respond standing up with Liam wrapped in your arm. Oliver squeals and runs down the hall while you pick Noah up, who yawns against you.

“Happy Birthday Daddy!” you hear Oliver scream as soon as the door opens.

As you round the corner you hear his bag hit the hardwood floor while he bends down to catch him “thanks buddy.” Fred rises to his feet and kicks his sneakers to the side walking towards you with Oliver clinging to his neck.

“Hey” he says placing a soft kiss on your lips you faintly taste the coffee on his lips. He adjusts Oliver on his side and grabs Liam from you.

“Daddy there is so many decoarations” Oliver cheers from his hip. Fred pulls away with a smirk and starts down the hall. 

“Really lets go see” he says footsteps receeding down the hall. “Woah look at all them” Fred exclaims seeing the streamers and balloons scattered around, gently setting Oliver on the ground.

“I helped” Oliver exclaims grabbing his hand dragging him around the living room to show him everything; his excitement radiating off the walls. “These are my favourite!” he points to two numbered silver balloons “five and three.”

“Right because daddy is how old?” you ask him.

“Thirty-five” he repeats back skipping around the room. You hear Fred grumble something and shake his head, not overly thrilled about the milestone he is reaching. You laugh and sit on the couch waiting for Oliver to finish the tour, although the house isn’t overly decorated, most of them will be put up closer to his party.

“Wow it looks great Ollie” Fred says sitting beside you on the couch, he lays Lucas across his thighs and tickles his stomach eliciting some giggles from him.

“Mommy says we are having a party soon” he says walking over to the couch to play with his Lego.

“Good thing it’s not a surprise party” you say quietly causing Fred to chuckle slightly. He leans over and kisses you on the cheek; you turn your head and place a quick peck on his lips “happy birthday Freddie.” Fred brings his lips back to yours “thanks babe” he mumbles. Noah lets out a small whine and Fred turns his attention to the baby in your arms. He pulls him into his arms bouncing him slightly, your head falling onto his shoulder.

You look down at Noah and Lucas, their bright eyes staring up at you “think there eyes will stay light?” you ask Fred. “Ollie’s were dark from the beginning.”

“Maybe, they will change soon if it does” he responds, wiping some of the drool from Noah’s face. A big yawn falls from your lips, you bring your hand up to cover it but Fred turns to look at you.

“They keep you up last night?” he asks “thought they were sleeping pretty good the last couple weeks.”

“No they slept for 10 hours straight, all of us did. I don’t know why I’m tired” you say through another yawn. “I’ve only been awake for like 5 hours today.”

Fred shifts slightly beside you, and you pull your head away. He pulls Lucas into his other arm and puts Noah resting against his chest, relaxing into the couch.

“Just adjusting to the season, it’s always hard” you explain. Fred turns to look at you giving you a soft smile before turning his gaze to Oliver who is babbling away playing with his Lego. You rest your elbow on the back of the couch and lean your head against it, eyes shifting between your four boys. “It was hard before with one baby, now there are three” you yawn again.

“Go have a nap, can’t fall asleep at my birthday dinner” Fred laughs.

“What if they get hungry, there isn’t any pumped milk” you explain.

“We have formula?” he asks turning towards you and you nod back to him, eyes barely open on his shoulder. Over the last six weeks or so you have been struggling with milk production, which has led to a bit of formula being mixed in to their feedings. “Then we will be fine. Go nap. We’ll have some boy time.”

You laugh lightly and rise to your feet and make your way to your room. You crawl under the duvet and honestly don’t expect yourself to sleep; but after a few minutes your eyes get heavy and fall closed.

“Wow I think I’m wildly underdressed” Fred says walking in to the bathroom. He has on a tight black t-shirt under a long sleeve shirt left unbuttoned with some dark washed jeans. You look at him in the mirror while applying your lip gloss “thought we weren’t going anywhere” he says leaning against the vanity beside you.

“We’re not Kyle is coming here, but I figured it’s your birthday; your 35th birthday so I should dress up” you explain turning to him. His hand comes up and plays with your navy blue fabric. It is a high waisted navy blue strapless jumpsuit, the top is tight fitting but has a layer of fabric than drapes from the top of you breast to your waist.

“I’m not that dressed up” you smile “I mean I’m wearing slippers.” You bring your face closer, your lips hovering centimeters from his; you can smell his cologne and can feel his warm breath against your face.

Fred’s eyes narrow at you, you lean in a bit more “I’m going to go change” he pulls away leaving you to practically fall forward into the emptiness. You groan turning your attention back to the mirror. You try to shake off the encounter, but the damage has been done. Your panties are soaked.

You walk into the dining room and begin the finishing touches on the table, lighting the few candles in the middle. You hear little feet running on the wood floor and bend down to grasp Oliver “oh look at you” you say looking at him. Fred dressed him in some jeans with a white long sleeve shirt with a plaid sweater vest.

“Daddy did my hair like his” he says bringing a hand up to his head.

“I see that, you look very handsome” you see his red hair has been brushed to the side and he even put a little bit of gel in to hold it in place similar to Fred’s. Only difference is where Fred styles the curls out of his, he left Oliver’s falling around his face.

“Mhm” he hums in your arms while you drop him on the floor. You hear some cooing and Fred walks around the corner with the twins.  They are each in plain onesies but Lucas’s bib looks like a bowtie and Noah’s makes it look like he is wearing a tie.

“I was going to get them dressed but I figured they would just drool or puke on whatever I put them in, so we opted for stylish bibs instead” he explains and you laugh.

“Well they are still very cute” you smile helping buckle them in to their high chairs. You stand up straight and take in Fred, who substituted his jeans for khaki’s and has on a blue dress shirt. You’re eyes drop to his collarbone where he left the top couple buttons open, exposing the top of his chest. Your mouth waters seeing his chain dangling inches from his muscles that are peeking out.

“I feel like your eyeing me like I’m a piece of meat or something” he says lifting your chin with his thumb. You chuckle lightly, the edges of your lips curling up slightly.

“Oh it smells so good” you moan ignoring his comment. You were going to take Fred out to a restaurant for dinner, but he said he wanted to have a low-key night with the family before the party. While Oliver likely would have been okay in a restaurant you didn’t want to push your luck with the twins so you opted to bring in a chef to cook for you. This way you don’t have to spend hours preparing a meal, that you know wouldn’t taste nearly as good, and the five of you can enjoy time together.

“I don’t smell anything” Fred says rubbing his thumb over your cheek.

“Really?” you say nudging your face against his touch “he was just starting to roast the walnuts for our salad earlier; they smell like they are done.”

“I’ll take your word for it” he says bringing his lips down to yours. His hand cups your cheek and tangles around your hair. He slowly pulls away, his taste lingering on your lips. He steps aside and pulls your chair out, gently pushing you in to the table.

He sits beside you at the top the table, and picks up the napkin. He unravels the fabric, gently running it through his fingers; you become mesmerized watching his fingertips dance along the stitching. You wish it was your skin his fingers were dragging across; you swallow the lump in your throat when his hands dip below the table placing the fabric across his lap.

You are brought from your trance when Kyle walks in setting the salads in front of you “see the walnuts” you point your fork to the bowl.

“Mhm” he says stabbing his fork into the leafy green.

“Oh I forgot to ask about wine” Kyle says popping his head back in the room, holding a bottle of white and red in his hands. He walks closer stopping between you, for you to examine the bottles.

“Umm” you say looking over trying to decide.

“I think I’m fine with just water” Fred says before you can respond.

“Oh…um me too” you respond not wanting to drink alone. Kyle nods and turns around leaving the room “don’t feel like drinking tonight?” you ask bringing your gaze to Fred’s.

“No I’m kind of tired and have a game tomorrow” he explains. “I mean I didn’t have a three hour nap this afternoon” he smirks bringing his water glass to his lips. The two of you dive into casual conversation, while Oliver randomly tells Fred stories from the last two days.

“Ready to sing?” you ask Oliver lighting the last candle on the cake. He jumps down from the barstool and runs into the dining room beginning the song, you laugh and join him.

“Happy birthday dear daddy, happy birthday to you” you set the tray in front of Fred, who pulls Oliver onto his lap. “Want to help blow them out?” he asks and your son immediately blows them out, though it’s not hard given there is only 4 candles.

“This is a nice looking cake, did you make it Ollie?” he asks.

“Yeah daddy! I mixed it, and helped put the icing on and the sprinkles” he muses bringing his finger to the icing and to his mouth. You laugh and sit down beside them, pulling him into your lap.

It’s a small rectangular chocolate cake with chocolate icing; which Oliver claimed is Fred’s favourite but you know it’s actually his. While you have ordered a cake for the party, you and Oliver made one for your dinner tonight. One of your favourite memories from your childhood was making cakes on your parent’s birthdays.

“What about the candles” you ask him.

“It’s buzz lightyear and a firetruck” he exclaims while Fred cuts him a piece.

“You pick them out?” he muses already knowing the answer.

“Yeah!” Oliver says excitedly moving to his seat to eat his piece. He pulls you into his lap your arms wrapped around his neck. He reaches around you bringing a piece of cake from the tray to his lips, his other hand resting gently against your hip.

“Tonight was perfect skat” he murmurs pressing his lips against yours. You can taste the chocolate on his lips and feel his pants tighten under you. You pull away with a devilish grin, placing your hand on his chest and your head on his shoulder. You feel his chest rise and fall while he brings a few bites of cake to your mouth while you look out at your sons.

“Dinner was great babe” Fred says walking into the pantry leaning against the counter.

“Uhh, yeah it was” you say opening scanning over the shelves mindlessly. You just finished cleaning while Fred put Oliver to bed.

“What are you -” he asks.

“Found one” you say reaching behind some boxes to pull out a granola bar that had fallen out. You tear the package open and take a bite turning around “what I’m hungry” you shrug brushing past him.

“So I have one more present for you” you say finishing your bar. “But its upstairs” you gently graze your finger over his hand walking by him. You hear Fred groan while you walk down the hall. You make it to the stairs when you feel Fred’s arms wrap around your waist and he carries you up to your bedroom.

Once at the door Fred gently sets you down pushing the door open. Walking in the room, the lights are off the room being illuminated by flickering candles. Lying on the bed is a white square box with a red bow.

Fred’s lips ghost the skin behind your ear while he walks you forward to the bed “you got me more than enough already” he mumbles.

“Well it’s kind of for both of us” you tease rocking your hips back onto him his warm breath drawing you in. His mouth grazes the skin under your ear gently kissing your soft spot, goosebumps run down your spine.

He walks over to the bed sitting on the edge; you sit beside him while he pulls the box into his lap. He tugs on the bow the fabric falling onto his lap. He pulls the top of the box, throwing it aside to reveal some black tissue paper. He digs through it pulling out three different sets of lingerie, setting them on the bed.

He runs his finger over them and turns his head to you “I couldn’t decide on one” you explain. “Figured since it’s such an important birthday you should pick” your hand falls onto his thigh, inching its way higher.

His eyes scan the fabric lying out on the bed in front of him; he brings his hand to a black set and points “this one.”

“M-kay” you say grabbing it and skipping off to the bathroom. You change into the black teddy with cut-outs on your waist and back. Your stomach covered by a sheer black fabric with intricate floral designs. You adjust yourself in the piece and pull your black satin robe overtop, tie resting loosely on your hip.

You walk into the bedroom, Fred having placed the other options and the box on your dresser. He is sitting on the bed, back against the headboard, legs gently crossed at his ankles. He smiles when he sees you walk in, you crawl onto the bed straddling him.

“I love birthdays” he mumbles pulling you into his hard chest, his hands running down your side to your thighs. You laugh and bring your lips to his, your hands running through his hair. You roll your hips against him, tilting his head back engaging him in a heated kiss.

He yanks on the belt around your waist, your robe opening up to expose your body in the lace. He pulls away his eyes gazing up and down your body. You see his Adams apple pop from his neck, his eyes swimming with desire. “Fuck I love birthdays” he groans tangling his hands into your hair pulling your lips down to his.

After a few minutes Fred pulls away, both of you gasping for air. You bring a thumb to his lips wiping away some of your smeared gloss from him. “I actually got you something” he says reaching down beside the bed.

“That’s not how birthday’s work babe” you tease as a brown paper bag is dropped between both of you.

“It’s for the both of us” he shrugs shifting to sit up straight against the head board. “I didn’t really have time to wrap it though.”

You laugh knowing the only time Fred has a nicely wrapped present is when someone else does it for him. You reach in to the basic bag and feel a rectangular box wrapped in plastic and pull it out. You examine the box in your hand, eyes scanning over the box. A pregnancy test.

“What….uh” you trail off processing what’s in your hand. You run your hand through your hair, scoffing in the process. “What is this? Why did you get me this?”

“Come on babe” he says “it’s pretty obvious.”

“Obvious? What’s obvious” you ask getting slightly agitated. You set the box on his lap and crawl off him crossing your legs. “Are you saying I look pregnant?”

“No. No. Definitely not saying that” he chuckles awkwardly. “Just the way you have been acting” he says.

“Uh-huh” you say shaking your head. “And how have I been acting Fred?”

“Just you have been tired the last few days” he starts.

“Did it ever cross your mind that I’m tired because I have three kids, two of which are only 5 months old” you retort looking a few centimetres beside his face.

“Yes, obviously, but it’s more than that” he says bringing his hand to your thigh. “You are eating more than normal. I mean you had an extra salad after dinner and a granola bar a couple hours after we finished. Last time you were like that was when you were pregnant” he says softly.

“And the time before that was when I was breast feeding Oliver, because breast feeding uses a lot of calories” you say shaking your head. A loud exasperated sigh leaving your lips.

“Babe” he says gripping your hand “I’ve seen you pregnant twice before.”

“Yeah and I have been pregnant twice, I think I would know if I was pregnant again. Wait is this why you didn’t drink at dinner?”

Fred exhales “yeah, if I drank I knew you would, and if you are pregnant”

“I’m NOT pregnant” you cut him off.

“If you are you can’t drink. I figured if I didn’t drink you wouldn’t drink.” Fred shifts to sit closer to you, placing a hand gently on your thigh.

“Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you’re not. But isn’t it better to be safe and take the test” he asks concern carved across his face.

“I’m not taking the test” you cross your arms over your chest. “I’m not taking the test because I’m not pregnant.”

“Did you ever make an appointment for birth control?” he asks pulling you into his chest.

“Yeah” you respond your body stiff against his chest reluctant to lean into his embrace. “It’s next week” you mumble. Fred chuckles slightly, you feel him chuckle slightly against you. “But I’m breast feeding; you can’t get pregnant breast feeding.”

“Babe, have you actually looked into that?” he asks softly.

You turn your head to look up at him “what do you mean? The doctor told me I’m good for six months.”

“Okay well I looked into it, and that is true under some circumstances” he trails off. But there’s a lot of reasons it stops being effective.” He pulls his phone out and unlocks it showing you a website.

“Right here” he says handing it to you. You’re eyes scan over the screen.

“See the second point” he asks

You must fully breastfeed your infant, meaning that the baby receives only breast milk. Also, breastfeeding must be maintained with both day and night feeding, and no long intervals can occur between feedings.

“We give them formula sometimes” he says. Yours hands drop from your chest and you place your hand behind you putting your weight on it.

“Not a lot though, it’s mostly milk” you respond ignoring the advice of medical experts.

“Okay, and what about the last one’ he says brushing your hair behind your shoulder.

You must not have a period.

You sit in silence reading over the last sentence, having had one a few weeks ago. Fred kisses the satin fabric on your shoulder, he reaches out and grabs the test “you should take it babe” he mumbles against you.

You push his body away from yours “I’m not taking the test because I’m not pregnant.”

“Why are you impossible” he groans throwing his head back. Your frustration in the situation results in tears pricking the corners of your eyes. You sniffle silently as a few warm tears falls slowly roll down your cheeks and your throat tightens.

“(Y/N)” Fred whispers moving beside you. He brings his hand up to your face wiping away your tears with the back of his finger.

“No” you shake his hand away from you sniffling back your tears and rise from the bed. You walk into the closet; you hear Fred’s heavy steps behind you stopping against the door frame. You pull your satin robe from your body and hang it back in the closet. Next is the black set which drops in a pile at your feet. You step out of it and walk through the closet toward Fred, he tries to compose himself but you see his eyes rake over your body while he follows your body through the room.

You brush by Fred, his hand reaching out to grasp your wrist stopping you in your tracks. You crash into his hard chest; he wraps his arms around your shoulders holding you close. Instead of melting into his embrace your arms hang stiff at your sides.

“Come on babe” he groans.

“Fred I’m really not in the mood right now” you push off him walking over to your dresser and pulling out some pajama’s. After everything that has transpired you aren’t exactly feeling sexy or in the mood anymore.

“Babe I obviously meant the test” he sighs. “It’s not hard, the next time you go to the bathroom you aim your pee onto the stick” he jokes trying to lighten your mood but you shake your head in response; pulling your tank top over your head.

“I’m not pregnant Fred” you chew walking over to the bed and crawling under the sheets. You roll onto your side, your back facing Fred’s side of the bed. You feel the bed dip and he crawls up behind you still leaving some space.

“Babe why is this so hard” he asks brushing your hair behind your ear.

“Why don’t you trust me?” you whine.

“Babe this isn’t about trust, I obviously trust you” he wraps his arms around you kissing your neck lightly. “It’s just you are showing early signs of being pregnant. All I’m saying is that it’s possible” he pulls you up against his chest wrapping his arm around you.

“No it’s not because I’m breast feeding” you groan “it works as birth control.”

“Yes but we haven’t been 100% with our birth control. Last time we weren’t 100% you got pregnant with Oliver” he chuckles his warm breath on neck.

“Fred stop I’m not pregnant” you huff. You push his hand off you and shift away from him. You put your arm under your pillow, and adjust yourself.

“I’m sorry I upset you, I probably should have brought it up better” he says but your body remains frozen in place. “I just…I didn’t expect it go like this” he whispers. You don’t react but you swear you feel him reach out to touch you before deciding against his judgement. Finally you hear Fred sigh and adjust on his side of the bed; the two of you lie in silence. You’re too frustrated to sleep and Fred to upset and annoyed by your stubbornness.

You feel the bed shift a few times, Fred letting out a few exaggerated sighs; you refuse to move the entire time. He knows you are awake, and you know he wants to talk but he doesn’t know what to say. Your eyes are locked on the clock on the other side of the room, watching while the minutes drag on.

Over two hours go by before you finally hear Fred snoring beside you. You roll onto your back staring into the darkness at your ceiling, finally free from his waiting gaze.

***

You walk downstairs hearing the light chatter from some of the guests who have started to arrive. Walking past the stairs to the basement you hear the shrieking laughter of children and some banging of hockey sticks. You laugh knowing you likely won’t see your son much until you drag him away.

Walking into the living room, Fred is over in the corner talking with a couple of the guys, Kathy and Carlee are at the island pouring drinks. You walk by the guys and Fred’s eyes pop from his face and he almost chokes on his drink. You wait until you pass him to before letting a smirk cross your face knowing your outfit did its job.

You opted to keep it relatively casual with a white button up shirt, the top few buttons purposely left unbuttoned and it’s tucked into your high waisted 3 button denim pants. Your hair and make-up are kept pretty simple and natural with minimal products and nude lips; a grey wool fedora resting gently on your head.

“How do you never look like you’ve had kids?” Carlee scoffs.

You laugh lightly “it’s amazing what the right shirt can do.”

“Nonsense” Fred says placing a quick kiss on your cheek. You shift slightly into his touch “you’re beautiful.” You shake your head slightly and wrap an arm around him. It’s been 5 days since you’re argument, and during those 5 days you and he haven’t had much contact.

You took the boys to the home game which went a lot better than you thought. Oliver took off and spent the entire game with some of the kids his age and the twins while awake were relatively unfussy. While you have put on a front when in the presence of other people; at home has been a different story.

You talk to him about his day and the kids, but otherwise if you try to and talk to Fred he will immediately cut you off asking if you took the test. When you say no, he stops engaging in the conversation. You don’t see the need for the test and Fred believes the later, thus leaving the two of you in a stale mate.

It’s not that you have been enjoying the silence from him, every time you see him laugh with Oliver or smile at the twins it tears on your heart strings. You want nothing more than to see his upper lip curl while he brushes your hair out of your face. For him to crawl in bed after a game and wrap you in his arms, lips ghosting along the skin of your neck. To feel the heat from his 6’4” body on top of yours, your hands running down his back slick with sweat.

Instead he hugged you once after the home opener and here now. All in front of people, all to hide from everyone the current situation you are in. And it’s not that you are in a fight, neither of you are mad at each other. Fred is irritated by your stubbornness and thinks the only way to get through is to do this. But through your stubbornness you aren’t afraid to wait him out.

You are pretty sure if it wasn’t for the beer on his breath he wouldn’t be the first to initiate what appears to be an apology, but you’ll take it. You feel Fred’s hand resting on the small of your back ever so gently. But even as soft his touch is it has you dripping from your core and toes tingling. You release a soft sigh from your throat; it gets caught in your throat breathing in Fred’s cologne. While subtle Fred picks up on your que and shifts slightly closer to you.

“So does 35 feel different?” Carlee asks handing you a drink.

Fred laughs a little bit “You know I didn’t think so until I compare my life to five years ago; when I was 30 I was single with no kids.”

“No grey hairs or permanent bags under your eyes” you joke, Fred nudges you rolling his eyes.

“Anyways when I think of my life from five years ago then it kind of hits me.”

“Well 35 looks good on you” you say. You stand on your tippy toes and Fred gently presses his lips to yours.

Your hand reaches the top of your head tilting the hat slightly to allow him more room. While most of your interactions have been for the benefit of other people, this isn’t. The way he is gently holding you but keeping you safe against his chest, the way his mouth brushes against your lips makes you think maybe you are both ready to put this to rest.

You pull away and he smiles reaches his eyes. You bring your hand to his lips and wipe away the lipstick that has spread onto his. He chuckles and leans in to place another kiss on your lips when there is a loud commotion from a lot of the guys. You hear some loud teasing and laughter and both your heads turn towards the noise when you see Auston and Mitch in playful chirping with some of the Penguins.

“Freddie” Auston calls out walking over to you both, after hugging him he wraps his arms around you.

“You guys made it” you say smiling up at him.

“Yeah, they let us come down early” Auston says, the team is supposed to fly down tomorrow to play Philly.

“How are you doing momma” Mitch asks lifting you off the ground for a big bear hug.

“I’m good” you respond laughing softly.

“Where are the boys?” Auston asks.

“Some of the girls have the twins” Fred says “they are being passed around, probably won’t see much of them.”

“And the little man?” Auston asks twisting the cap off a beer.

“You didn’t hear him in the basement” you chuckle walking away. You make your way through the crowd brushing off some conversations before heading downstairs. You watch as Oliver is in net, two of the younger players shooting against him, you watch Oliver stick his leg out deflecting a shot.

“Woah look at you, almost as good as your dad” you say drawing all the eyes to you.

“There’s a surprise upstairs for you Ollie” you say and his eyes light up. His ministicks clatters on the floor and he runs past you “what is it?” he shouts running up the stairs. You hear his feet tread up the stairs and you follow him, before you reach the top step you hear him scream out “Uncle Auston, Uncle Mitch!”

As you round the corner you see your son holding on to Mitch’s neck, both of them leaning over the snack table. You groan knowing Mitch is only handing him the sugar treats but before you respond a hand grips your wrist pulling you into the pantry.

“Fred” you groan smelling his cologne “he’s just going to give him candy. The last thing our three year needs is a belly full of candy.”

“It’s a party smuk” he tilts your chin to draw your eyes to his “let him have his fun.” You shake your head letting out a displeased groan as Fred sets a cup on the counter and puts his hands on your hips.

“Thank you for all this” he smiles “getting Auston and Mitch here.”

“Yeah I’m glad they could come and” you are cut off when his lips reach yours placing a soft kiss on you. You tilt your head back to allow him more entrance but he pulls away chuckling. “Babe the door is open and there is like 30 people out there” he laughs.

“I know, I just….you haven’t kissed me like this in days” you whine a pout forming.

“Who’s fault is that huh” he says teasingly his lips a centimeter from yours. You shake your head, not willing to take the fault for this, even if you know it was an overreaction.

He picks his drink up and bringing it to his lips taking a sip “this is good babe what’s in it?” he asks.

“What?” you ask “you poured it” you chuckle turning you attention back to the party.

“No elske I grabbed your drink when you went downstairs” he hums in your ear. “Carlee makes a good mojito. I like that she added some raspberries in with the lime. There is something different about it”

“Oh yeah” you respond absentmindedly shaking your head as Auston hands Oliver a cupcake.

“It’s missing something” he whispers pressing his wet lips on your jaw. He gently places a few more kisses on your neck before finding your sweet spot. You giggle feeling his mustache hair tickle your ear as he pulls his lips millimeters from it.

“It’s missing rum babe” he whispers and your head snaps to the side almost hitting his face “why is your drink missing rum skat?”

You swallow and pull your face back to look in his eyes “I…I’m not…I don’t…” you stammer out. He smirks at you teasing his lips in front of his face, he quirks an eyebrow waiting for a response. He steps back leaning against the counter on the other side, arms crossed with a smirk.

“I didn’t take the test” you almost whisper your eyes dropping to the ground. You lean against the counter across from him while he waits for you continue. “But I thought maybe I should” you pause bringing your eyes up to his. At this point he is smiling ear to ear knowing he was right “and Carlee saw the test when she was looking for my hair spray.” You say laughing “so she is making me virgin drinks tonight until I take the test. She said she isn’t leaving until I take it, and she kind of scares me when she gets mad.”

“So you’re taking the test for Carlee” he laughs walking towards you wrapping his arms around you. You melt into his touch moaning as you breathe in his cologne.

“I’m going to do it tonight” you mumble into his chest. His mouth presses into your hair and a deep exhale leaves his chest. “I still don’t think I need it though. You two are just being ridiculous.”

He gently strokes his hand up your back, pulling some of the tension from you. He ignores your comment because he doesn’t care how he got you to this point he is just happy you are going to do it after almost a week. You stand wrapped in his embrace when you hear a loud bang from the kitchen which causes you to jump and separate.

You enter the party and see Mitch picking up a barstool from the ground Auston cleaning up a spill. Oliver comes running past you to Fred who throws him in the air before pulling him into his chest while laughter erupts from him.

“Daddy we do cake now?” he asks.

“You haven’t had enough cupcakes already” he teases wiping the icing off his chin.

“No” he replies.

“You sure?” he asks tickling his side. His laughter erupts filling the room, drowning out some of the scattered conversations and music that is playing. You walk away towards the crowded island wedging yourself between Auston and Mitch.

“You think this would happen?” Mitch asks. “Like three years ago when you were pregnant with Oliver and we all had dinner. Did you even imagine this is where your life would end up?”

“No not at all” you laugh remembering that time in your life. “At that dinner I had no idea what I was going doing with my life, it was terrifying.”

“Well I’m glad it all worked out” Auston says wrapping his arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him for a soft side hug. Your arm wraps around his waist and you both watch Fred as he holds Oliver upside down by his feet while he squeals under him.

“Yeah me too” you say softly the edges of your lips curl upwards watching Fred and Oliver.

Three years ago, you had no idea what to expect with your life. You never imagined a life with Fred or friendships with Mitch and Auston. You honestly didn’t think Auston liked you in the beginning, he always seemed skeptical of you. Not that you can really blame him, you gave everyone more than enough reasons to doubt you.

But once Auston opened up to you, you understood why he is one of Fred’s best friends. While you don’t get to see him a lot during the season between their schedules; you always see spend time during the off season with him. That and the constant facetimes are part of the reason he is one of Oliver’s favourite people.

A few hours later everyone has left, the kids are all asleep and Carlee is downstairs trying to sleep off the liquor so she isn’t hungover on her flight tomorrow. You feel Fred come up behind you his hands wrapping around you resting on the counter on either side of you.

“Come to bed” he whispers as you pour some of the cups down the sink. He gently brushes your hair behind your shoulders and uses it to gently kiss your neck.

“The mess babe” you groan seeing scattered half empty cups and plates with food left around the room. “The cleaning lady comes tomorrow, and I gave her a very generous tip 2 weeks ago in preparation for this.”

He hooks his fingers into your belt loop and tries to pull you away from the sink but you push back rinsing out the cups. “Babe” he whines sucking on the back of your neck. You rock your hips back to his groin, when he reaches around you to turn the tap off; you feel his lips smirk against your skin.

You spin around and Fred quickly pushes you against the counter, pulling the collar of your shirt back to expose your neck. Your knuckles grip the counter while he sucks on your collarbone, “Fred” you groan “Carlee could come up” you say between your moans.

“Uh-huh” he hums against your skin, his mustaches tickles your ear as his mouth moves further up your neck unbothered by a possible intrusion.

His mouth is centimetres from your ear when you feel his teeth graze your skin before he bites your neck. “Frederik” you scold playfully pushing him away.

His eyes are dark as he bends down wrapping an arm around your knees and throws you over his shoulder. Your hat falls onto the floor and you shriek as he runs up the stairs two at a time. He kicks the bedroom door shut with the back of his heel and in a few large strides he is at the edge of the bed throwing you onto it.

You rest on your elbows and watch as he pulls his sweater. He undoes his belt and slowly pulls his pants down his body. You’re a bundle of nerves wrecked with anticipation feeling wetness drip from your core. He stands up with just his boxers on; your eyes walk over his body breathing in the curves of his muscles.

The past few days you have only caught glimpses of Fred getting out of the shower or changing a shirt, but it has been too long since you’ve laid eyes on him. Your gaze slowly drops until you see his bulge, straining the fabric of his boxers and your chest noticeably heaves.

Fred grins and reaches out to your ankle pulling you to the edge of the bed. He begins to undo the three large buttons on your pants while you slowly release those on your shirt. You lift your hips and he pulls the denim from your legs while you throw your shirt into a pile on the side.

You hear him mumble some Danish curse words as his eyes wander your body. You have on a matching white lace panty and bra set with floral embroidery. Resting on your waist is a matching delicate garter connected to some sheer white thigh high stockings. “You didn’t get to see me in any of the gifts I bought” you explain rising to rest on your knees.

He pulls your face up pressing a sloppy kiss to your lips while you both fight for dominance. His hands slide down your back, tracing the outline of your thong his fingers gentle run circles around your hole.

You feel his already hard dick twitch on your stomach while he swallows. “You’re gonna kill me one day you know that babe” he groans You press your lips to his, fingers dancing with the hem of his boxers for a brief second before pulling them down his large thighs. His hard member flaps against his stomach, the sound echoing in the room.

You see the precum that has spilt out and lick your lips. Hearing Fred’s breathing become uneasy you bring your tongue to the tip moaning at his flavour. You pull away and lick along the underside Fred’s head falling backwards, eyes fluttering shut.

You hollow your mouth and flatten your tongue, sliding him in. You start slow, each time taking a bit more of him in your mouth until finally your nose touches his pelvis. You thrust your mouth slowly looking up at him through your lashes. His hands gently grip your hair, pulling the few strands from your mouth and away from your face.

You slowly increase your pace gagging slightly while you breathe through your nose. You bring your hands around to his ass and give him a squeeze pulling him onto you. He begins to thrust his hips while your jaw relaxes around him.

He increases his pace when you playfully pinch his ass. He holds your head steady while he takes complete control fucking your face. Curse words fall from his lips, while drool falls from yours. Your tongue swirls around him, and his hips stutter.

You gently begin to massage his balls and it sends him over the edge. He pulls your head onto him when his dick twitches shooting ribbon after ribbon into your throat. Finally he stops and you pull off choking on some of the cum in your mouth, a little dribbling out.

“Sorry” he mumbles walking to the bedside table to grab his water bottle for you. You take a sip and Fred reaches down to grab his boxers and gently wipe the saliva and cum that has spilt down your chin. He takes the bottle from you and sets it back on the night stand before he lies on the bed, head resting on his pillow. He curls his index finger and beckons you towards him.

You rise to your feet and stop beside him “on or off?”

“Underwear off, everything else stays” he says and you smirk. You had an idea this would be his preference so you wore your thong over the garter to allow for easy removal. You step out of them and kick them aside climbing on top of him.

You grind your hips against him and Fred groans recognizing how wet you already are. You lace your hands with his using it as leverage to continue rolling your hips on him. You feel him start to get hard again causing you to smirk when Fred releases your hands. He grips your hips and nudges you closer and you follow until you are hovering above his lips.

His warm breath blows onto your folds, his beard rubbing against your thighs. His hands grip your hips as he pulls you closer licking up your juices that have been building. He moans feeling your wetness tongue grazing arounds your folds, your anticipation having built for the last week.

You gasp loudly when his mouth attaches to your clit, your hand finding the headboard for stability. His tongue swirls around your entrance when he finally pulls you closer slipping inside your walls. Your other hand slides down into his hair tangling into his locks.

His tongue dances inside your walls, sliding in until his nose brushes against your clit. He gently rolls your hips on his face while soft moans slip from your mouth. He finds your sweet spot and gently brushes it with each stroke. He could easily be sending you over the edge but instead is taking his time, relishing in your taste.

His one hand gently begins to caress the back of your thigh while soft whispered curse words are falling from your lips. His hand slowly trails up your ass tracing the hem of the white lace. His pinky strokes around your hole and you shutter above him. You feel Fred smirk below you, as he does this a few more times.

“Freddie” you moan softly feeling your orgasm start to build. As if right on cue he brings his hand down and slips two fingers into your slick heat. Your head falls back when he begins to suck on your clit and thrust his digits deep inside you.

He sucks hard on your clit, grazing it along his teeth. You tremble at the feeling, hips pulling away at the contact. “Stay still” he mumbles, his other hand digging in to the skin of your hips. Your moans turn into whimpers slowly getting louder as he pumps his fingers inside you.

You can feel your walls tightening, and Fred does too twisting his fingers inside you. Your whole body is hot and you can feel a bead of sweat trail down the valley of your breasts. Fred continues pumping his fingers in you and your legs begin to tremble above him.

You are seeing stars; Fred continues his movements to drag your orgasm out, getting lost in your moans. Your walls flutter around him and you spill over his digits while his mouth continues to suck, drawing out your orgasm. Your hands fall onto the bed in front of you, barely able to support yourself as Fred stills under you.

His fingers slip out and find your hips and he gently lifts you just high enough for him to slide out. You feel the bed shift as he crawls up beside you kissing your shoulder. You crane your head and he smiles taking in your wrecked appearance; mascara on your cheeks, sweat mixed in your roots while some saliva and spilt cum has made some of your ends stick together.

You smile taking him in, juices in his beard, a scratch mark on his forehead from you grasping too hard. But your favourite thing besides his boyish smile is that his eyes aren’t blown with lust, they are soft and adoring while he examines the woman he loves.

He watches your chest rise and fall waiting for it to return to normal when he brings his lips to yours. He slowly pulls you onto his lap while you rest on your knees. He pulls you up, so his mouth is in line with your chest. He gently presses his mouth to your chest slowly sucking his way up your neck.

Your head falling to his shoulder as a silent cry expels from your lips “Got you smuk” he mumbles against your collarbone while he slowly pulls you down to his lap.

You feel his hard member poke at your entrance your hands returning to his hair. He slowly coats himself in your juices before slipping inside your sensitive core. You drop down on him a few times, each time he groans when you bottom out.

His hands grip your ass cheeks using them to guide you. Your pace starts slow and just as you are about to increase it, you feel Fred’s finger dance around your hole. You shudder at the feeling, your head falls onto his shoulder when you bite your lower lip.

He slowly slides in two fingers, still soaked from your juices while your body heats up. You continue your slow pace, your teeth digging into Fred’s shoulder. You hear him mumble but you can’t hear over the ringing in your body. Eventually his patience wears thin, his hips snapping as he thrusts into you.

His fingers slowly move around inside you, while his dick quickly pistons in and out. You bring your head up only to place a quick sloppy kiss on his lips. You taste yourself on him, and lean in further swallowing Fred’s groans in your lips. When you finally pull away you both are breathless and gasping for air.

You aren’t going to last much longer. Fred works his fingers at a slower pace than his cock, but the two combined has you a writhing mess. His mouth finds your collarbone as he sucks bringing your release even closer. Strangled moans and curse words fill the room.

“I’m close” you hum against his collarbone.

“Let go baby” he whispers into your hair. “I’m right behind you.”

A few more hard deep thrusts and you come undone around him. Your walls flutter around him, spilling down his hard member and your thighs. You moan loudly while he continues to thrust into you working you through your high. You feel Fred stutter under you giving you a few more thrusts before pulling you down to spill deep inside you.

He coats your walls white muttering Danish in your ear but you are so spent you can’t focus on anything until he finally stills. His hand gently strokes your hair from your face; you see the beads of sweat on his forehead and down his chest.

“I love you” he mumbles gently pressing his lips to your forehead taking in your post orgasm bliss. You smile back in response feeling his lips gently brush against yours.

“I’ve missed you” you murmur breathing still erratic. While you have seen him every day, had silent dinners together and slept a foot from him, you almost have missed him more than when he is on road trips. He chuckles and brings his lips back down to yours cautiously pulling his fingers from your hole.

You wince at the feeling, but Fred quickly grips the back of your thighs carrying you to the bathroom. He takes you directly into the shower setting you on the bench. Shivers run up your spine from the cool tile while he turns on the water. You stand up and walk right into his hard chest, bottom lip shivering from the cool air.

Fred just laughs and pushes you backwards until you are under the warm stream. He runs his hands up and down your arms, his touch along with the water warms you up and you begin to massage some shampoo in your hair. Fred finishes his shower first and helps to rinse the conditioner from your hair. You melt into his touch, letting him gently scratch your scalp.

Once you are both done you stand wrapped in each other’s embrace. You feel his chest release a deep exhale and you turn your head to look at his. The two of you stand there for a few minutes neither of you moving, water rolling down your bodies

You feel the weight in the room shift from playful to serious, your breathing echoing through the shower. “You ready?” you whisper.

“No” he laughs.

“What do you mean no! I thought you wanted this” you reply stunned.

“Babe I’m terrified” he chuckles nervously.

“About having four babies?” you whisper.

“No we can handle four” he responds finger trailing over your spine. “We we’re worried about how stressful three babies would be and we’re killing it so I have no doubts we can handle 4. I’m terrified because last time you were pregnant it was hell for you, you almost died.”

“Because of a car accident” you trail off.

“But before that you were in so much pain, like every part of you. You had extremely high blood pressure; your feet, legs, back and hips were constantly in pain. I felt like I could hurt you just by looking at you. It killed me” he chokes out.

You sigh but don’t say anything knowing how much he struggled watching you, how helpless he felt. Nothing he did was good enough. He felt responsible, even though you both decided to have a baby. It was something you both wanted, it was just harder than you could have imagined.

“We don’t know it will be like that again” you say so quiet it’s almost inaudible. The air around you is cold and filled with tension. You tremble your damp hear sending a chill to your spine.

“We don’t know it won’t“ he says stepping away to grab your towel wrapping it around you. 

“Well it’s a good thing the test will be negative, won’t have anything to worry about” you say softly.

“I always worry” he almost whispers before walking away, leaving you alone with your towel draped over your shoulders. Instead of drying yourself you stand still, legs quivering underneath you.

He returns wearing some track pants, running his hands through his wet hair. He laughs seeing you in the same spot he left you in, too chilled to move. He helps you into some pants and pulls one of his t-shirts over his head. It’s one of your favourite t-shirt, having borrowed it from after you gave birth to Oliver.

He had left some laundry in the dryer and gone to hockey. When you went to dry your clothes you found his and started to fold it, when you stumbled across the blue jays t-shirt. You were new to the city, struggling to adjust to life in Pittsburgh and life as a mom and the shirt reminded you of home.

When Fred came home and saw his shirt smothering your tiny frame, one side tucked into your leggings he didn’t say anything just smiling. You washed it and put it back on his bed, later that night you found it tucked in your drawer. Ever since then his shirt became your shirt forever waiting in your drawer.

After taking the test you set it on the counter and wash your hands. Fred sets a timer while you both stand arms wrapped around each other in silence; you can feel his heart beating in his chest. “These five minutes are always the longest” you say softly.

“Feels different than last time with the twins” he says and you laugh.

”Yeah but it reminds me of when I took the test with Oliver” you say tilting your head to look at him. “I was wrecked with nerves. I puked waiting for the results” you laugh.

“What did you do when it was positive?” he asks.

“I took five more” you laugh. “And then I curled up in bed and cried, probably for an hour straight.”

Fred brings his eyes over to yours, scanning over your face. All the things you and him have shared you never told him this. “I still didn’t believe it until my doctor actually told me. Then I set out trying to find you, not remembering many details besides the whiskey and four orgasms.” Fred sighs against you, but his silence says more than any words.

“Fred” you say softly “I love you.”

“I love you too smuk, more than you’ll ever know” you rise on your tippy toes closing the distance. Not the full distance he is 6’4” after all. He tilts his head to bring his lips down to yours, his mustache brushing against your upper lip. Your hands run through his beard tangling in his hair, his hand pressing on the small of your back.

Suddenly the alarm goes off startling you. You swallow and set your feet back on the floor. The two of you take one final minute before walking back over to the vanity, flipping the test over.

Next Chapter

[lauravias]

The Zodiac Killer

The self-proclaimed Zodiac Killer is an unidentified American serial killer. He took credit of several murders in the San Francisco Bay Area between 1968 and 1969, but only five are directly linked to him. He taunted police and made threats through letters sent to newspapers in the area from 1969 to 1974. The police never caught him. The mystery surrounding the murders has inspired numerous books and movies, like Dirty Harry, in 1971, Zodiac, in 2007, and Awakening of the Zodiac, in 2017.

Zodiac Killer’s murders timeline

DEC. 20, 1968  The first confirmed murders attributed to the Zodiac Killer took place on the night of December 20, 1968, on Lake Herman Road, just inside Benicia city limits. The victims were high school students David Faraday and his girlfriend Betty Lou Jensen, who were shot to death in their car; shortly after 11:00 p.m., their bodies were found by Stella Borges, who lived nearby. 

Newspaper page about the murders of David Faraday and Betty Lou Jensen

JULY 4, 1969   Just before midnight on July 4, 1969, Darlene Ferrin and Mike Mageau, her boyfriend, were sitting in a parked car in Blue Rock Springs Park, Vallejo. A car parked beside them, almost immediately drove away, and then came back after 10 minutes; the driver exited the vehicle and approached the couple with a flashlight. He shot them seven times each. Within an hour, a man called the Vallejo Police Department to report and claim responsibility for the attack; he also took credit for the murders of David Faraday and Betty Lou Jensen of six and a half months earlier.

Photos of  David Faraday and Betty Lou Jensen

SEPT. 27, 1969    On the evening of September 27, 1969, the Zodiac Killer approached Cecelia Shepard and her boyfriend Bryan Hartnell as they were picnicking on a shore of Lake Berryessa, in Napa County. The man was wearing a black hood with clip-on sunglasses over the eye-holes, and a bib-like device on his chest that had a circle-cross symbol on it. He approached them with a gun, claiming to be an escaped convict from a prison, and told Shepard to tie up Hartnell, before tying her up. The man drew a knife and stabbed them both repeatedly, badly injuring the couple, then went back to their car and drew the cross-circle symbol with the inscription "Vallejo/12-20-68/7-4-69/Sept 27–69–6:30/by knife". At 7.40 p.m. on the same day, he called the Napa Police Department, to report and claim responsibility for the attack. When the police arrived, Shepard was still alive and described the attacker; she died two days later at the hospital, while Hartnell survived.

Photos of Cecelia Shepard and  Bryan Hartnell

OCT. 11, 1969    Two weeks later, on October 11, 1969, taxi driver Paul Stine was found dead inside his taxi. He was shot in the head by a white male passenger, who had requested to be taken to Maple Street; for strange reasons Stine did not stop there but one block after, in Cherry Street. Three teenagers that lived across the street witnessed the passenger shooting Stine, and called the police while the crime was still occurring; they also stated that before running away, the man wiped the cab down. In the meantime, two policemen, Don Fouke and Eric Zelms, noticed a white man walking and entering inside one of the houses in the street; the suspect they were looking out for was supposedly black, and since the man they witnessed was white they did not stop him. As the murder did not seem to fit the Zodiac’s pattern it was initially thought to be a robbery, until the San Francisco Chronicle received a letter from the Zodiac Killer claiming the crime.

Crime scene of Paul Stine’s murder

MARCH 22, 1970    On the night of March 22, 1970, Kathleen Johns was driving with her newborn daughter on Highway 132 near Modesto, when a driver flashed his headlights at them. Johns pulled off the road and stopped, and so did the man; he told her that her right rear wheel was wobbling, and offered to tighten the lug nuts. After doing such, the man drove off, and when Johns pulled forward to re-enter the highway, the wheel almost immediately came off the car. The man came back and offered to drive her and her daughter to the nearest gas station. He drove them around for a long time, passing several gas stations, and when he stopped at an intersection Johns jumped out the car with her daughter and hid in a field. She later identified her kidnapper as the man depicted in a wanted poster for Paul Stine's murder, the Zodiac. Police never officially attributed the incident to the Zodiac.

Newspaper talking about Kathleen Johns kidnapping attempt

During the 1990s, many investigators claimed to have identified the Zodiac Killer; the most likely and most often cited suspect was Arthur Leigh Allen, a Vallejo schoolteacher who had been institutionalized for child molestation.            The police were able to create a sketch of the Zodiac, using the descriptions of several witnesses; for example, the three teenagers who saw the man leaving the scene of Paul Stine’s murder, and Kathleen Johns, who identified the man that tried to kidnap her from the sketch of the Zodiac. Despite the mounting evidence and the numerous suspects, the killer remained at large.

Sketch of the Zodiac Killer made by the San Francisco police department

Letters and cyphers

The Zodiac sent several letters containing cyphers to various newspapers located in San Francisco, the San Francisco Examiner, the San Francisco Chronicle and the Vallejo Times-Herald. The newspapers received the first letter on August 1, 1969, where the killer took credit for the Benicia and Vallejo murders. To convince the police that he was the author of the murders, he included details that only the killer could have known. Each letter was closed by a circle with a cross through it, that would later become the Zodiac Killer’s symbol. High school teacher Donald Harden and his wife, Bettye, were able to solve the first cypher. 

A couple of days after the murder of Paul Stine, on October 15, 1969, the San Francisco Chronicle received another letter from the Zodiac, where he took credit for the murder; this is also the first letter in which the killer uses the name “Zodiac”. At the end of the letter, the killer mused that he would next shoot out the tire of a school bus and "pick off the kiddies as they come bouncing out". The Zodiac Killer continued sending letters to the San Francisco Chronicle, where he claimed to have committed several more murders and mocked the police for their inability to catch him. The letters stopped in 1974.

In 2020, after 51 years, one of the messages written in code and attributed to the Zodiac Killer has been solved. The cypher does not reveal the killer's identity, however, it confirms his image as an attention-seeking killer who revelled in terrorizing the Bay Area in the late 1960s. 

The three men who decrypted the code are David Oranchak, a software developer in Virginia, Sam Blake, an applied mathematician in Melbourne, Australia, and Jarl Van Eycke, a warehouse operator and computer programmer in Belgium. The F.B.I., which employs a team of code-crackers in its Cryptanalysis and Racketeering Records Unit, said they had verified Mr Oranchak’s claim of having broken the code. 

It read: “I hope you are having lots of fun in trying to catch me that wasn’t me on the TV show which brings up a point about me I am not afraid of the gas chamber because it will send me to paradice all the sooner because I now have enough slaves to work for me where everyone else has nothing when they reach paradice so they are afraid of death I am not afraid because I know that my new life is life will be an easy one in paradice death.”

Though he had claimed to be responsible for 37 deaths, no Zodiac victims have been discovered since 1969, and in both the known and presumed Zodiac murders no suspect was ever arrested. Since the Faraday-Jensen murders, the inability to identify the Zodiac Killer has continued to frustrate law enforcement.

Sources:

Zodiac Killer - Biography

The coded message has been solved - New York Times

Zodiac Killer -  Wikipedia

Zodiac Killer Timeline - San Francisco Chronicle

[prettywarriors]

what are some of your favorite and least favorite magical girl raising project designs? and your thoughts on magical daisy just because she's my fav

Heck yes opinion time! But first what you asked for:

Magical Daisy Good. The yellows-browns-beige works really well with both the purple accents and the minty green hair. She has pleats distributed evenly through her design, and they work in tandem with both the ribbons and with the daisies through her outfit without it getting too busy. I like her detached sleeves with gloves, and I am a sucker for practical footwear on a MG (both for them and for possible cosplayers) I’m not Crazy about the. Pouch? Asymmetrical bustle? The thing off her waist on her right. But it balances with her off-center headdress and has the same small design on it so it get’s a pass. Her hair is simple, but I like it and I think it works for her A good design for an anime (if the MGRP anime had done really well, do you think we would have gotten an in-universe magical daisy episode?)

Other opinions under the cut

Haha only giving opinions on 3 girls? I’m reading Peaceful Days now so enjoy my speed thoughts on MGRP-Aces outfits.

But first Maruino deserves so much recognition because her use of cream and dark brown in place of white and black whenever possible, combined with her chibi style and general color pallet choices, is so good. I know I’ve talked about the LN look vs the anime looks here before, but some designs would just look not nearly as good if she didn’t know how to use colors as well as she does

MGRP:

Snow White- School uniform with an armband indicating she is someone who can help, but with flowers. It’s cute, it’s fairly simple compared to other mgrp outfits, I like the big flowers on the sides of her outfit over the ones hanging from the ribbons off her back. A solid look, but not a winner in my book

Ripple- This is going to come up with quite a few of these designs but I like basically everything but the body. I like the sleeves, the geta are great, love the one ponytail with big shuriken, scarf brings great contrast to the rest of the color scheme, bikini top with ribbons attaching it to a wrapped skirt? The skirt feels like this could have been a keikogi but the top is almost wholly unadorned and overall I wish this was a better look than it is

La Pucelle- Great idea, meh execution. Knight And Dragon? Love it! The navy blue for military feels with armor and goes well with the gold&cream&brown. Her horns are cute! I like the tail- it fits the character and isn’t too large or distracting. Once again I like the arms-neck-legs but the body is. a bikini with a drapery bit off the top and the tabard. The tabard is good! But why is she in her underwear? Give pants??? 

-And yes I know swimsuits cover just as much as underwear but this isn’t a swimsuit and it’s a lazy way to cover what needs to be cover and not even try to make that area of a design more interesting. This doesn’t apply just to LP or even MGRP I have seen comments on this before and unless the character’s outfit is an actual bathing suit, try harder.

Top Speed- A wife. A halloween wife. God I lover her personality and her outfit is definitely on the simple end of mgrp outfits but very fitting. The colors are great, love the hat and the tall boots, the cape stripes might be my least favorite bit? But I feel if it was solid it would be too bland so. And the end of her braids looks like a broom. I love her. Good design.

Ruler- I hate this. But why..... Is it the navy blue is a singular piece? I liked Ripple’s scarf for contrast but maybe this piece isn’t large enough? Her head things look like two crowns on the sides of her head and their weird and. Not awful? But not great. The cape looks chunky at the end? In a weird way? Or is it the drop waist on the top. I know I don’t like the butt fluff. I do like the shoes&leggings? pants? And her crown and hair stars. bad/10 for reasons I can not place

Swim Swim- Techno demon in the accessories, pure schoolgirl in swim class in the torso. The white suit+black devil wings is good as character contrast , and her....hip...discs? have demony tails which is good, but the big headphones and floating disc things work great with the shoes but not with the rest of the outfit? This is two outfits in one but not in a good way. Pick a lane.

Minael&Yunael- They might not be super-murders but boy that’s their only redeeming trait. I do not like them as fictional people. And outfitwise? Meh. I like the chat balloon halos, and the one wing look for the two of them works, and again the use of Navy rather than pure black is good, but the old fashioned dress with a bib is. boring. and not in a simple way just not interesting? Like I think if the stiped bib thing was removed it might look better? This also might be a secret hatred of mine as I think I have figured out from a later outfit. For now- boo

Tama- Are you spotted or brown&white? Her fluff bits and legs say spotted and her ears and tail and paws say brown and white and I wish we’d pick a lane? Also not crazy about the butt-length cape. I do like the bone clasp and the hood, and you have to have big ol paws for a dog girl. She’s. Fine. Just fine.

Nemurin- Her hair clouds say magical girl, the rest says generic cute sleepy anime girl. I like the socks, and her hair, but she’s not that interesting? Don’t get me wrong she’s cute but the bulk of her design is Big PJs. The candy clasp is nice as a sweet dreams thing? Sorry Endo

Calamity Mary- Titty fur. Boots with spurs and arms with fringe and mini cowboy hat are all good, and her skirt is. A little boring but fine. But the best part of her top is the sheriff badge. If we’re committed to evil=slutty=evil, you can still make a more appealing lewd top than a bikini over some fluff. Let sluts be sexy? Stay dead bitch.

Magicaloid 44- Elementary schoolgirl but robot. Bulky but in that smooth modern look. I’m a sucker for hair horns, even when they’re metal or plastic, and she just has a good silhouette. But her colors could be better? I will say her mn art has her skirt look like a skirt, and the anime said This Is A Solid Hunk Of Plastic/Metal and I think that works better. Swap her dark brown bits for a navy to go with her skirt and i think i’d be out of complaints

Sister Nana- There are multiple MG nuns. What’s up with that. Good use of sexy belts for theme consistency, but I with there was more red up top or her shoes were a different color. 9/10 for dirty nun

Weiss Winterprison- Girl I love you why is your outfit not good as a MG look or even really as an outfit. Your practical looking boots have heels, your colors are boring and messy, you have like. belts but not enough for them to look interesting? Gurl I love you do something with this bland mess.\

Cranberry- ‘I love this’ I say threw clenched teeth. I love green and flower motifs, and I like boleros and big sleeves. But I’m not that into this? I think it’s that her top looks like a nice shirt that’s a little long and then she. Just has leggings on and a big belt. I guess the buckle is like. A big thorn? And i’m into tunics with leggings but this doesn’t? do that in a way I like? The red-blue roses are a nice contrast to the green and creme but i just. I have no idea I want to be in love with this and it’s Middling for me. More elf ear’d MGs pls

Hardgore Alice- I love alice, I am a fan of edgy spins on stuff(sorry), so I’m a bit disappointed? And I think it’s just the colors? I love the checkered pockets and the striped stockings and bows and the headband and apron and bloomers and dress shape and even her eye bags (mood). I guess I just wish there was more of the off white-maybe for the full apron? or even the bloomers? I love you please re-color.

Restart:

Keek- This bitch might win it for worst look. I like her hair color, and giant sleeves, and the cd and rubix cube are nice touches for an outfit, but what outfit. A bikini top and slightly-larger-than-usual underwear style bottom with a big plate of metal? Are those supposed to be shorts??? Points for normal shoes but take off the coat and this is nothing. And the coat isn’t much to begin with. 0/10 might take home the gold

Clantail- I wish the apron part was gone? But the colors are good tho I do have a question about the horns- they’re cute but if she can change her lower body to other animals they won’t always fit very well? And her necklaceuhhh tattoo? is odd. But she’s fine

Pechika- Good colors, like the feathers, I wish the chef’s coat had a different fit but it’s good. Could go without the tail. Also has some almost military feeling elements like the hair cross and the? epaulets? This is a spats stan account

Rionetta- Great use of colors, patterns, ribbons, has a specific look that works great for the doll dress. Hell year ball joints and weird eyes. Wonderful. I hate it. No fucking clue why. Like with the angels maybe? I hate strips? Except I don’t. Maybe just in specific situations? Or I hate multiple patterns? Rio looks good. I just see her and go into a rage. 

Nonako Miyokata- A very good look overall, just not super Magical Girl? Definitely magical miko but. The yin yang accessories feel a tad out of place- replace them with existing themes or add them in elsewhere

Magical Daisy- Still good

Nokko- This is just a maid. A cute maid with a weird choice of hair decor, but I think she got her outfit at the same shop as Milkit. *shrug*

@Meow-Meow- boy I hope I didn’t just at someone for real. I like her colors and tail, poofy detached sleeves are good, her top works with the open dress. I’m a fan of detailed edging on a piece, and it works with the pattern.  I’d’ve liked to see more of the bells that are on her wrists? I guess she had a racist accent originally though which yikes. 

Genopsyko Yumenoshima- A great sentai outfit, love the helmet ears and the tail. Not good as a magical girl outfit unless we fully dissolve the mg/sentai line. But the suit is great, slightly oversized gloves, and retro lasergun that doesn’t even work? Yesssss.

Detec Bell- Fwuffy. Great hat, love the dress, a good use of a cape, simple but very good. I feel a feel some of the ribbons could be changed up but a solid if simple design. 

Lapis Lazuline (2)- Cute starry tiger princess? I guess I’m a fan of navy and brown because i’m into it here too. Good use of the silvery details on the sleeves and dress bottom, and the links both at the cape clasp and on the boots. Really nice.

Melville- Bootleg Cranberry in every way. I like her over-pants and sleeve-cape, but the weird bib-top under the bikini top is a bad shape? Hair roses good and leg thorns do get a thumbs up. 

Cherna Mouse- If the turtle gets it’s own distinct look, why is Cherna just baby+ hamster? The hood is cute, and I dig the boots which work with the shoulder things, but said things don’t go with the toddler one piece+cape. She reminds me of Moetan and that is a bad thing.

Pfle- Ohhh this bitch. I may have been reading these books but I have no damn idea what she is up to and I hate it. Love her eyepatch tho. Super cute throne-wheelchair and it continues the bird motif. Her dress is nice but not that interesting? Seems more generic old timey fancy lady dress than Magical. Honestly I could go for some mixing up of the colors here? The dress and hair and throne all are a bit too similar. Maybe make the dress wine?

Shadow Gale- I like her look but I don’t feel it says nurse as much as it’s supposed to? Her aces profile honestly gives Rue vibes. It’s very monochromatic but I guess that works for her. Big fan of her skirt, kindof with it went all the way around. Solid design

Masked Wonder- Who? I refuse to play person5 because it’s been overhyped but isn’t this one of them? Not awful as a phantom thief outfit, but doesn’t say magical girl phantom thief at all. I do like the roses on the belt and. garters? Kindof wish we’d loose the color on the cape because it clashes more than anything with the rest of the look

Akane- I like her long hair flower. But her samurai-kimono look doesn’t feel blended well enough imo and the colors are too over the place while still being bland.

Lake of Fire Flame Flamey- Hell if I know how she looks I just love typing that name

Limited:

Weddin- Good colors, a bit too busy? The chains+roses+lace doesn’t feel well balanced. But the flame and ankle chain are balanced because Maruino is good at asymmetrical details 

Captain Grace- A pirate magical girl? Is she legit the only one from any main stream series? Well she set the bar high. The captain coat is great, multiple small anchors, the hat, and her skirt(?) is very cute. I guess the sole of the boots stands out a bit? But very solid (wait is that a tail? or a butt hook? :/)

Funny Trick- If Las vegas was a magical girl. Colors and silhouette are good, I’m just not vibing with this. sorry girl

Kuru-kuru Hime- Yiss more ballet themed outfits. Good colors, love the shape of the giant back bow. I could go without the big ribbon coming off the headpiece? It’s nice

Postarie- Buttwings! I love her hair shape, just. Not a fan of the orange and green colors? She’s a delivery girl but feels more marching band. It’s a good design, just doesn’t feel fitting? Great just not for her

Rain Pow- Now this is a sci-fiy look while still saying magical girl. The tail is yet another weird thing, and I could go without the permeant ring behind her, but the shape of her outfit is very good, and love the silly heart hair. Wish the gloves were a different color? But this is up there

Tepsekemei- Genie outfits being problematic isn’t something I can speak to, but this is a solid genie look with additions to feel different, specifically the lotuses. It’s good, and I haven’t seen flying turtles since love hina so. Good for her.

Mana- You’re not a magical girl. Maybe I just hate bibs? The hat is great and snake leg is fun, I wish her collar was actually smaller to stand out more? It’s a fine mage look i guess

Hana Gekokujou- Great use of hair color as contrast to a committed color scheme. A cute traditional bunny look. Not personally my favorite but it is Good.

7753- Big Coat! Giant heart braids! Consistent heart theme! It’s bland compared to a lot of the other outfits, and I don’t think her flat heart uhh hair? pieces? like rain pow? work as well with her. But I think she works well for a member of the resources department. Wait is her hat backwards? Amazing

Archfiend Pam- I’m mostly a fan of this. The top is great, it’s carried through at one hip, she has the weird arm guy to keep her asymmetry going on. I just wish she’d commit to either fur Or pleats as trim? Both is a weird texture choice

Pythie Frederica- This bitch took a while for her proper appearance. I love the horns on the hood, and the stars throughout work well. I really don’t care for her skirtdress though? It’s too long and in ribbons and feels almost jellyfish-y? I feel it’s supposed to feel like she’s standing in fire but that doesn’t work pass a glance for me

Tot Pop- Love hot topic. Her spiky ribbon is my favorite bit, and I’m a fan of oversized sleeves. A great mall goth look, not amazing as a magical girl look tho. The head decor feels most on brand for the genre.

Punkin- What if the three musketeers were murderous and royalty. I love the hair feather and dig the ruff, the cape honestly feels like overkill? The boots are great and I dig the pants. Once again, why tails. I know mahou-furbies has reviewed a lot of these girls with the same comment and she’s right. Pick red or blue for this look though.

Sonia Bean- Kindof busy, in a garbage way. Like her outfit is made of fancy garbage to make an old timey doll. Which is fitting. Love the dress shape. Less into the weird dangly poofs.

Jokers:

Princess Inferno- The whole princess line works well together. Quake has the least Team outfit but I feel all four work well together? Inferno’s bikini is a smidge above other tops with the fire shapes, and I like her hair, but I think she’s my least favorite princess.

Princess Deluge- Swirls and scales throughout? Armor? Gold jewelry? My biggest issue is the chain to the weapon because this is a really nice outfit.

Princess Quake- Why does your tail start in the middle of the back? I like her leotard and eye theme, and her head piece adds nice shape. Good asymmetry. shame she’s into children The hair gem is a fun touch

Princess Tempest- The apples are a weird touch? Good for color but weird as a theme? I love the leaves- honestly I’m a huge fan of the vaguely toga-y look. Are the apples supposed to be an atlanta thing? Her skirt could be a bit better but Nice

Prism Cherry- Princess of our hearts. What a color scheme. Her oversized dangly accents work well here I feel, and I love the skirt and the leaf looking ribbon behind the neck. I could do without the arm fluff, but the top garter for the skirt is a nice touch

Marika Fukuroi- My wife is a bitch and I like her so much. A much more vibrant outfit than most of the mgrp girls, the black is edgy but in a fun loud way. I love her skirt and every damn crazy flower. Her top is my least favorite with the smaller flowers connecting her top to her bottom and the frills that honestly are out of place. Great eyes

Styler Mimi- A fancy outfit that fits her theme, with a nice silhouette and simple color scheme. Ruined by the giant back powder puffs. Yes she would be fairly simple without those but they’re so garish and awkward. Good hair

Stanczyka- I thought her middrif was another hunk of plaster like the mask and now that I see it’s just skin with some stars :/ The whole head thing is good, and the fur is consistent throughout even if I’m not a fan of it. The giant sleeves are. weird. I want to like them but. Her swirly tiddys are a nice touch. The brown hair on the tail doesn’t fit

Lady Proud- For someone who lived for a lot of pages I do not remember her. Her leotard works with the sleeves to feel like an old timey dress and the way the cape is being held up to look like bat wings is nice. The green layer in her hair is an odd choice. I do dig the hair clips with the horns

Umbrain- Froggy slicker. ...Sakura did it better, the yellow and purple&red is a meh color combo sorry. I do love the candy additions for the ame(rain) ame(candy) play, and her umbrella is great. But once again I am confronted by a bib. Also her slicker is actually two pieces? Bad colors, bad body, good theme

Filru- I like the colors and the corset, and in theory the chunky knitting is very cute but I feel it’s at odds with the boots and corset. Make the whole thing chunky knitting- it’d be cute. The head doily also could be more on theme imo

Uttakatta- again, what did you do? giant overalls are good in theory, but the slits and the. bubbles? clear donuts. are just ugly. Honestly her whole look is not good, and a bubble theme has so much potential for cool shit :(

Kafuria- good use of colors, I’m not personally into the shape of her kimono as a mg dress, but the wings and the veil+such are nice

Grim Heart- this bitch. God her dress is a great shape. I think i’m not fully into her spade tail ribbons, but otherwise love? The flamingo is Silly but again as an alice fan, i do not care (ask me about kagihime for 10000 words of rage!)

Shufflin- the tiny bib haunts me but the big double sides apron card piece is a nice way to do the simple and versatile Card look. The hair is cute and i like the suit as a big piece behind the head

Aces:

Armor Arlie- chunky suit of armor. but Cute. as an armor fan in MG designs, even I think this is A Bit Much, but it has enough going for it that i think it’s a fun look

Bluebell Candy- once again Maruino kills it with using navy very nicely. A military vibe with the epilates and double breasted uhh skirt decor. honestly shocked the hat is center, and mm good hair happenings. A very nice design. still not into the weird fluff tail stuff

Dark Cutie- Great hair decorations, love the lunar details, seems to be a leotard over leggings? It’s nice. It’s not crazy grabbing or stands out that much in silhouette, but i do like it

Micchan the Dictionary- tying your coat around your neck is not valid, motarboards are not good magical girl accessesories, i personally have an owl vendetta, the red in her shoes appears no where else, and the shape of her dress is just weird. plus that hair is. not good. Oh wow. I might rank her lower than keek. oh Wow

Glassianne- this is just that alcreamie pokemon. i wish the exposed strawberry went all the way down instead of there being more icing along the bottom. she has a consistent theme and nice colors, i’m not not digging it

Uluru- said dog. 7753 and tama’s child. she looks warm but not super magical. why is she dog themed?

Sorami Nakano- gamer aesth. I could do without the hair paws, but the jumper is super cute, love the eyes and the hair tones, general color scheme, bandaid is a cute touch. A solid look.

Premium Sachiko- good colors, i like the cut of the sleeves/boots/dress, but her art has her legs blend together and that’d just the art but weird. nice use of four leaf clovers and horseshoes throughout for her luck theme. 

CG Angel Hammer- I like the flowers and the bones tail/wings. The halo thing is. odd, and it’s hard to get a great idea of her actual outfit. weird hair choice, tiny bottom but at least it has some frills. Needs more art

Patricia- acab. great colors tho and I like the shapes for the shoulders and wrist, and the light theme. The bright blue ribbons and earrings stand out well. This is actually a really solid design. 

Puk Puck- i hate this baby angel there’s too much to look at. Your bondage leg is weird! cute chest piece. you can’t have cloud swirls and drills for hair damn it. your halo also has a veil? fuck you. 6/10.

Best Outfits: Princess Tempest and Grim Heart Worst Outfits: Keek and Micchan the Dictionary and Uttakatta

[yamithediaperdork]

Jace’s Mall adventures part one: Let’s all go to the lobby! (Mortal instruments)

Following the fathers day show in the park, Jace had mostly accepted his life as a 24/7 big toddler, and while he still could feel SOME shame, he'd learned to mostly accept it. True it wasn't as easy when Simon and Alec had started dating, double so when the the hunter and vampire would make out in front of Jace since the big baby had been told part of the price of being a 24/7 big baby was a lost of any adult privileges, which included 'making stickies.' Still there was other things he could direct that pent up energy into and 5 weeks after the show at the park Jace was all excited to be going to the premier of the new paw patrol movie, having become a HUGE fan of the show. Not only was he getting to go and watch the movie, live at the cinema, But his daddies had let him have big kid cereal, a bowl of frosted flakes! Having big kid sugar fr the first time in so long Jace was semi giddy to begin with, and unknown to both of of his daddies, he had begged and whined till Alec put in a scoop of sugar, and then like wise to Simon. Practically vibrating in his seat as he slurped down the sugar filled milk, getting it all over his bib, he listened to his daddies have a fight. "Come on, your the one who told him he could go. you need to handle this. you KNOW I can barely stand the show!" Alec was saying. "Look, I HAVE to go to this meeting, or the little peace talks I've been working on, for YOU guys I might add, is gonna fall though." Simon growled. "Damn itttt..You owe me big time for thing." Alec grumbled. "I know I know, I'll do that thing with the cowboy boots you like so much." Simon chuckled. Jace giggled quietly at that but having a heads, up, put on his best pouty face, sure he could totally score more treats out of this if he played his hand right. "Buddy we have some bad news.." Simon started and Jace let the tears flow out.

20 minutes later, Jace was dressed and in his car seat, with the remains of 10 cookies smudged on his face and hands and clapping as he bounced up and down. He was wearing of course his normal triple thick diapers since he just peed too much for a single diaper to hold up for long, but over that he had on a white diaper shirt that had a dog bone theme going on and over top of that a pair of blue denim short-alls on with a picture of chase on the front pocket. He had on a pair of white socks and paw patrol themed light up sneakers and he was now kicking them as the sugar was getting to him. "Eee eee eee! Gonna see paw patrol! Paw patrol paw patrol! Gonna see paw patrol all with daddyyy!" He sang, badly. behind the wheel and already with a building head ache, Alec was dressed in black jeans and a black top, and already wondering if Simon being his cowboy stud tonight was worth the headache he was going to have. "Jace buddy, can we lower the volume? Daddy's getting a headache." Alec tried. "Oh no! I'll kiss your head bigger then daddy! Pull over and I'll give you a kissy! Kissy's make it all better like when I got a boo boo on my knee!" Jace said, reaching forward now and trying to grab onto Alec. "Buddy we're almost there and I'll pull ov-" "NOW! Now now now now now now!" Jace said and then started to kick Alec's seat. "JACE SHUT UP RIGHT NOW AND STOP, OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL DRIVE US OFF A CLIFF!" Alec exploded, then looking into the rear view mirror saw the look on jace's face and regretted his words instantly. "Buddy Daddies sorry he didn't me-" he started to say, but got cut off. "...-sniff- WAHHHHHHHHHH! DADDY DOESN'T LOVE MEEEE!" Jace started to bawl. "This is going to be a long, Fucking, Day." Alec whined, pulling over and putting his head on the steering wheel, then getting out to come to the back seat and console the big baby.

After cleaning himself and Jace off of the chocolate and -ugh- booger and tears, they made it to the cinema with only a few minutes to spare. It had taken promising Jace to let him have a big gulp soda to get the water works to finally stop, and with how sudden they did Alec couldn't help but wonder if he'd been played. As they stood in line to get the drinks and snacks (the tickets had been purchased already thankfully) Jace suddenly got excited and started to wave to a group of boys and if it hadn't of been for the iron gripe Alec had on the babies other hand he would of gone running over. "HI KEITH! KEVIN! IT'S JACE! YOU KNOW? FROM THE PARK!" Jace hollered, trying to get their attention. "Jeez Jace, was that loud enough? I don't think they heard you in china." Alec muttered, and turned to see four boys coming over. "Oh hey! it's the big little guy." Kevin said smirking. "Wheres your daddy?" Keith asked. "Huh? Right here!" Jace said and then Glomped on Alec's arm, before a dawning look came on his face. "OH! yeah! Other daddy! This daddy is dating my main daddy and he's trying to be super duper cool. It's a struggle for him, cuz you know, he doesn't even like paw patrol." Jace said, leaning in and using a mock whisper for the second part. "..I'm Alec, you must be the kids who were spoon feeding Jace." Alec said, rolling his eyes. "heh. Nice to meet you. I'm Kevin, this is Keith, and those are Alex and Jacob." The one with a brunette crew cut said. "Oh! your little guys!" Jace squealed and giggled, and the twin's were instantly blushing and squirming. Did you get them in diapies yet?" Jace asked, looking at the twins tight pants. "N-No!" The twins both huffed and whined, insulted by Jace just blurting stuff like that out in public, but to baby Jace and alec, it looked like they were annoyed to be still in big boy undies. "Now now, don't be cross with Jace..he's just a baby." Keith scolded the blonds, shaking a finger at them. "So what movie are you guys coming to see? I bet it's paw patrol isn't it? Oh! we could all sit together!" Jace started babbling away. Hearing that Alec got his hopes up for a minute, and was about to ask if the kids wanted to make some money babysitting Jace throughout the movie, only to have his hopes dashed as Keith answered. "Nah, don't get me wrong, paw patrol is SO awesome." Keith was saying, smirking and clearly just saying what Jace wanted to hear. "But these two wanna watch the new My little pony movie so-" "NUH-UH!" Jacob cut in. "We're watching the new Rock movie!" Alex added. "They're only saying that to save face." Kevin said and winked. "Ohhhh..hehehe well of course. cuz my little pony is sooo dumb." Jace said and winked back. As the Twin's fumed Jace said bye bye and him and Alec got their drinks and popcorn and headed for their movie.

Ten minutes into the movie and Alec was wishing he'd snuck a flask in, somehow Jace turned out to be the quietest kid in the room. Not only, that, the most popular and fights had broken out among the real toddlers over who was gonna get to sit next to the big kid who had SUCH a awesome possum outfit. Stuck in a sea of 2-5 year olds and with many of them apparently unashamed to pass gas at a moments notice, Alec was sure he was gonna have to have his nose removed before the halfway point. Jace, who was torn between watching the movie and basking in his newfound popularity decided to put them all to shame but getting up on his seat and letting out a fart to end all farts, taking advantage of Alec having a hand over his face. His legs were a little wobbly from starting to come down off of his sugar rush and as Alec turned and looked, one of three things happened. 1) Jace started to slip and tried to balance himself but planting his butt on something stable, which turned out to be Alec's face. 2) The fear of the fall and all the junk food, made Jace let out more then just a fart, and he filled is \diapers as his butt was again, planted in Alec's fact. 3) trying to get the stink bomb out of his face, Alec pushed Jace which while the little guy recovered without falling, came at the cost of his big gulp he'd been holding, and ended up dumping it on Alec. Needless to say they didn't finish the movie and Alec swore he was never ever taking Jace to the movies again, and promised Jace he was going to regret ALL of this the next day. Jace, wisely stayed quiet on the drive home, where upon coming in they were greeted with the smell of weed, and the sight of Simon on the couch smoking a fatty, having lied about the peace talk meeting being today and had just wanted some alone time. Jace wasn't the only one to end up in a corner with a red ass.

[cecilspeaks]

Live Show: A Spy in the Desert

1. A Spy in the Desert

Cecil: A tisket, a tasket. My god, what’s in that basket?! Welcome to Night Vale.

Listeners, it’s another beautiful day here in Night Vale, and I hope that you’re all outside staring wild-eyed into the sun, instead of cooped up in some dark room full of a bunch of people that you don’t know. The only thing that could ruin such a beautiful day as this is, well, this breaking news.

We have an outsider in our midst. A spy from a faraway land, a master of disguise who can mix imperceptibly into any crowd. Now this spy has been known throughout the world as the Sparrow Hawk, the Nightingale, the Southern Blue-Eyed Glossy Starling, and the Tough-Tit Titmouse. But recently, the spy started going by the code name the Mink. Which is much better, because minks are adorable and birds are idiots. Now the Mink has stolen secrets from the world’s most powerful governments, but unlikely most spies, the Mink works independent of any agency. They steal confidential information, but they never reveal any of that information to anyone. They are the perfect keeper of stolen knowledge. Now the Mink does possess an unparalleled range of regional and national accents, as well as a fanny pack full of fake mustaches, eyeliner and press-on nails. Right in the fanny pack. The founders of Night Vale built this town upon secrets, with a Byzanthine system of powerful and opaque city leadership, and what are we as a town without those secrets? It would make sense, then, that the City Council and the Sheriff’s Secret Police would want to stop The Mink from learning our secrets. So if you see anyone that you do not know, do not approach them. Because they could be a dangerous spy. Simply carry on as normal, as you would, and treat them like you would any stranger. Which is to stand 20 feet away, point and shout: “INTERLOPEER!!!” And thus by behaving in this completely normal way, they will not think that they’ve been spotted. And then immediately go and call the Secret Police. Make sure that you have registered for a citizen’s protection account with plans starting as low as 25 dollars a month, otherwise the police will not assist. And then once you’ve registered your account, tell the police that you saw a person you do not know. In public! And that person, thus logically could be The Mink! And they’ll catch them and we can all move on to the next terrifying news story.

2. Sports news

But first, a look at sports. Last night witnesses reported seeing a padded man carrying an inflated lump of animal skin across an open, well lit field. They could not identify him, as his face and head were fully covered by a round plastic hat. Several other unidentified men were chasing this man, panting and sweating, and hundreds of witnesses on this side of the field all began shaking their fists in the air and chanting: “Crush! Him! Crush! Him! Crush! Him!” [audience chants] And then witnesses on this side of the field were shaking their fists and shaking “Vio-lence! Vio-lence!” [audience chants] And their screams reached a crescendo, and then they stopped and they watched as this man spiked the lump of animal flesh and began to inch along a pinkish trail of viscous ooze. And the very back rows began a soft chant of “What have you done? What have you done? What have you done?” and it made its way forward, row by row, until the whole auditorium was chanting: “What have you done? What have you done? What have you done? What have you done?” And the skin split open revealing a white skeletal face with two bulbous red eyes, and the face craned up on a long neck, and it hissed and it bared its fangs and snapped into the neck of the man who had spiked it tore off a long swab of fleshhhhhh. And a woman wearing all black and white stripes took this flesh and blew into it like a balloon, and handed it to another padded man, and the process started all over again. And everyone in the crowd shouted: “Mortality!” [audience shouts it] And this has been sports. Hmm.

3. A Word from our Sponsors

And now a word from our sponsors. For that, we go to our lovably malicious spokeshaze, Deb the sentient patch of haze!

Deb: Hiya Cecil. Hiya listening audience with your squishy human minds. So easy to manipulate! Cute, so cute. Today’s show has been brought to you by Folgers brand coffee. We at Folgers believe good coffee comes from good hammers.

Cecil: Oo, that’s so true! You know, a lot of people don’t realize that good coffee is 90 percent the quality of the hammer that you use to smash up the bean, and ten percent how much you’re willing to lie to yourself that a 20-dollar bag of coffee tastes different than a 10-dollar bag of coffee.

Deb: That’s why we at Folgers hammer our coffee extra smooth, using only American made sledgehammers. We follow the hammer traditions of the finest coffee houses. From Sicilian espresso shops where they use wooden mallets, to the great institutions of Vienna, where the ornate tile walls ring with the echoes of handcrafted silver (ball-pin) [0:01:13] wielded by tuxedo-wearing waiters.

Cecil: You know, on my vacation I went to an espresso shop in Italy, and the woman behind the counter, lovingly crushed each and every ben with just the tiniest wooden mallet. And then she lit a whole pack o matches, threw it into the cup, and that is called a macchiato.

Deb: Macchiato. I’m unconvinced Italy even exists. For instance, have I ever seen it? No, there you go.

Cecil: Uh.

Deb: Yeah.

Cecil: But Deb, let me tell you, the flavor profile of that macchiato, it was – oh, it just had hints of sulfur and splinters, it was so authentic!

Deb: Gross.

Cecil: Yeah, it was kind of gross.

Deb: Why buy your own beans and pound away them in your kitchen, when Folgers has already hammered them for you? Folgers coffee. You guys wanna go see a dead body?

Cecil: Thanks, Deb. Oh hey, have you been following this news story about The Mink?

Deb: Oh, a little. It doesn’t interest me much because I already know every secret in town.

Cecil: Wait, what?

Deb: Yeah, yeah.

Cecil: How?

Deb: Oh, how doesn’t sound important, no no no. what’s important, listeners, is that I know.  [pause, laughter] So please do buy the products that I’m advertising. I’d hate to have a teensy slip of the tongue next time I’m broadcasting to the whole town, Joanne. Hey Cecil, you wanna know Joanne’s secrets?

Cecil: I mean it seems a little private – yeah, I do. [pause, Deb whispers into Cecil’s ear]  [sultry voice] Joanne!! I am simultaneously disgusted and impressed.

Deb: And that’s just one of the secrets I know. Well, it has been great talking at you Cecil. Goodbye!

Cecil: Alright, thank you Deb! Whooo! Wow.

4. Who is the Mink?

The Secret Police are hot on the trail of the Mink. In the hall of public records, they found a set of footprints left by a size 9 Adidas, but those shoes do not match any of the hall clerks, as the hall of record employees only have hooves. The police also found a person wearing a cloak and carrying a dagger inside the Moonlite All-Nite Diner. But upon investigating, it just turned out to be Steve Carlsberg. He was holding a lobster splitter and he got his lobster bib twisted around backwards. Oh, Steve. The City Council has upgraded our alert system from orange level to red. “Um, it’s really more of a lovely amaranth?” The multi-voiced council cooed in unison. “Um, excuse me, if the Mink never reveals any of the secrets that they learn, then what is the harm in them knowing?” asked one intrepid reporter. A brave and experienced radio man, who is quite smart and very handsome. But the City Council just hissed back: “All knowledge is harmful!” So I can’t argue with that. Now the Mink has carried out heists of secrets all over the globe. West Berlin 1985, the Mink disguised themself as a security guard and learned every account number in Deutsche Bank. German police noticed a person in a security guard uniform quietly mumbling numbers to themself, and they did give chase but lost the culprit in the crowd when they donned one of those glasses with a fake nose and eyebrows.

Kuala Lumpur, 1998. The Mink disguised themself as one of the Petronas towers and learned the secrets of every person inside. Witnesses reported seeing one of the towers just leeeaning over ever so slightly, as if listening in on a conversation. But when the national police arrived, the tower leapt into the Klang River and witnesses said: “Ooh, look at that kinda long but otherwise completely normal looking boat!”

2011, the Mink staged a daring escape from a military base in Nulogorsk. After discovering the intruder, the Nulogorskian got very excited, because they had never before met anyone with only two eyes. The Mink did get away, however, by disguising themself as a pirogi. [long pause] Having been eaten, they escaped two days later through the city sewer system. Weren’t expecting that, were you? You know, I hope we apprehend the Mink soon. I really, man, need to talk to somebody who has other secrets, it’s a journalist’s dream interview. And I mean, everybody has secrets so, I mean we all have something that we probably wouldn’t want the Mink to share on the air, I mean I know I do. You know what, “I value privacy above all else,” I have just now written on my Facebook page, so you know it’s super important to me.

5. Lee Marvin

Cecil: Oh wait, listeners, OK, I’ve just been given a note saying we have a very special birthday today. Wow, OK, this is a real honor. Listeners, please welcome to the studio, on the day of their 30th birthday, legendary actor and Night Vale resident, Lee Marvin!

Lee: It is a pleasure to be here. I don’t think we have ever met, even though it seems like we have both lived in this town forever.

Cecil: It actually does feel like forever, doesn’t it?

Lee: As we all know, time doesn’t work correctly in Night Vale. For instance, it has been my 30th birthday continuously for many years, and yet I never grow any older.

Cecil: I know just what you mean, I mean I was 19 for a long time like, decades probably.

Lee: And that’s the problem with millennials, you know?

Cecil: Yeah.

Lee: Instead of buying houses or shouting at barns, or researching owls, or any other number of normal and productive activities, they just age.

Cecil: Ugh!

Lee: Normally one day after the next. Why, I think there is not a millennial in this world who even tried to remain 19 for a terrifying number of years.

Cecil: I know! It’s lazy. Now let’s talk about the Mink. Mr. Marvin, as a very famous movie actor, I felt that you might be able to offer some analysis on someone so adept at disguises and false personas.

Lee: Well, sure sure I mean after all, what is acting but lying to a room full of strangers?

Cecil: Mm. Literally nothing at all.

Lee: When lying to a group of strangers, there are definitely some basic techniques to watch out for. One is speaking aloud. Anyone speaking aloud could be lying. Why, almost anything could be said out loud without research or citation .for instance, I could say aloud that uh, mountains are real…

Cecil: Oh come on! [Cecil and Lee laugh]

Lee: And it doesn’t matter that this is a ridiculous statement perpetuated by the mountain enthusiasts. It is still something I could and di say out loud. Another technique to look out for is accents. It seems that this Mink is able to deploy at will any accent at all. I myself am an expert at dialect and accents.

Cecil: Ooh! Would you care to give us a demonstration?

Lee: Well sure sure. Uh, start with something, a basic accent. This is an accent for someone from the country of Svitz. You’ll noticed that the Svitzians sort of speak from the back of the throat, it’s uh something like this um, [very deep, monotonous voice] “Hello, yes, thank you. I would like some cake.” Like that. Cecil: Yeah, oh yeah.

Lee: And um, here’s another one um, this is an accent for someone from the nation of Franchia. The Franchians have an interesting thing where they an, uh, a diphthong on every single vowel. Here goes, um. Yaa-aa, soo-am ceek, thyat would bee a boath low-ly and filing. Something like that, yeah.

Cecil: Oh wow, yeah, yeah!

Lee: And here is the ccent of someone who lived until the age of ten in  Svitz, before immigrating to Franchia. And now, at the age of 50, is learning to speak English.

Cecil: Right, OK, OK.

Lee: [deep voice] Aah piece of cay-ek for me, you’re only too kind. Something like that.

Cecil: Oh that’s, that’s amazing!

Lee: Yeah. Uh, seriously though, do you have any cake, I’m starving?

Cecil: Oh. Oh actually no I’m sorry, we’re not allowed to hae cake at the radio station because it makes  Station Mangement very restless.

Lee: That’s fine, that’s fine. Well the final technique I wanted to talk about is, is disguise, I am to understand that the Mink is able to easily adopt the look of anyone they wish to. Here’s a couple of ways of disguising yourself. One is through, of course the use of masks, make up, prosthetics, it’s very difficult, technical, very Hollywood. Let’s talk about the other method though, which is simpler and just as effective.

Cecil: Oh, wait, what is that one?  

Lee: It’s OK so you simply… so you take your hand.

Cecil: uh huh.

Lee: And you put it in front of your face. And then you say aloud who you’re supposed to be disguised as.

Cecil: Ah

Lee: For instance, I’ll demonstrate. Hello, I am Tom Hanks!

Cecil: Oh my god, oh my god! Oh my god Mr Tom Hanks, I-I loved you in Turner and Hooch, and whatever else you did after that, I..

Lee: No see, it’s just me, Lee Marvin!

Cecil: Oh man!

Lee: But with my hand in front of my face… Life is very similar to a bag of chocolates!

Cecil: Oh my god it is similar to a bag of chocolates!

Lee: There’s no way to tell!

Cecil: Oh my gosh, that’s amazing, Mr. Marvin! Thank you so much, we appreciate having you on the show.

Lee: It was no problem at all, thank you for having me, Cecil. Um, we before I go, this is Judy Garland saying goodbye.

Cecil: Oh my god, oh my, oh my gosh, no wait, wait wait, Ms. Garland, Ms. Garland, just one song before you go, Miss Judy Garland!

Lee: [sings] Ring ring ring goes the (--)..

Cecil: Ah! Judy Garland, everyone!

6. Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner

Now it’s time for the Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner. It’s a very special anniversary today, kids. On this day in 1872, the moon was invented. Yeah. You see, scientists had been reading a lot of paperback horror novels about werewolves and thought, wait! If the moon were a thing, then werewolves might also be a thing! So they built a moon out of limestone and hired artist (Marie Kassaut) [0:00:30] to paint it with a giant smiling wolf doing an “okay” sign with its paw and winking. But there was a problem: when they launched it up into the sky, something happened with the catapult, and it landed with the unpainted side facing the Earth. And almost a hundred years later, NASA would claim to have landed on the moon, but twinkly dot scientists or, oh sorry that’s what I call astronomers, they just proved that to be false. And you know, NASA retracted their statement saying: “Oh we were just joshing” and the American people all had a good chuckle. And ever since Alexander Fleming invented the werewolf vaccine – also known as penicillin – the moon is mostly just an ineffectual artefact, like a reminder of our once terrible taste in celestial bodies. And that is why each and every night, we all shout: “I hate you, moon!” up into the sky, and even though we can’t see it, we all think of that wolf on the dark side, quietly winking, and shedding a tear. [weeping] And this has been the Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner. It’s true. Science.

7. The Community Calendar Let’s take a look at the community calendar, shall we? Let’s see here, Monday night there is a blood drive in the Ralphs parking lot. There’s gonna be a van parked in the far corner, like just beyond the trees, and if you go inside that van, some blood will be taken from you. “Oh yeah, (she’s) gonna come out of you one way or another, man!” said a rapidly talking man in a dirty T-shirt, who I am not sure is connected to the blood drive at all. “Oh yeah, we’re just gonna do amazing things with your blood, man! Don’t worry about what, [disturbing voice] we’re just gonna do really good things with your blood!” and then he finished up by saying the national blood drive slogan: “Bloooooooooooood!!!” So I guess just, get on into the blood van!

Tuesday was lost last night by Bernadette Flynn, as she was watching the newly released remake of last year’s Spiderman movie. She thinks maybe Tuesday fell behind the seat during the film or something. So if anybody sees Tuesday, please let Bernadette Flynn know, as it was an old family heirloom, and her favorite day of the week.

Wednesday night is 80’s night at Dark Owl Records. For more on that, let’s hear from Dark Owl owner, Michelle Nguyen!

Cecil: Hey, Michelle!

Michelle: Hello, Cecil! On 80’s night, we’ll be putting on leg warmers and fingerless gloves, listening to Duran Duran, and thinking hard about what our lives will be like when we are 80 years old.

Cecil: Ahhh, that sounds like fun!

Michelle: We will consider life insurance plans and talk about several types of diseases that will affect our later years. There will also be a moonwalking demonstration, just like that famous Michael Jackson dance where he walked around shouting: “I hate you moon!”

Cecil: Yeah, yeah. Did you know it’s actually the moon’s birthday today?

Michelle: Stupid rock!

Cecil: Garbage satellite! Anyway, so Michelle, to change the subject, the Mink could peek into our private lives at any moment. Is there something that you are personally worried that they would find?

Michelle: [long pause] No.

Cecil: Oh, come on Michelle, we all have secrets! Is there any music you listen to that you would be ashamed of people knowing about?

Michelle: Please. You’re the one that starts every day with a choreographed lip sync to Robyn’s 2010 B-side “Cry When You Get Older”, and then you cry for a while, because you have gotten older.

Cecil: [sourly] Yeah.

Michelle: Each day just a little bit more and sometimes that makes you happy and other times it makes you sad and either way you feel like crying. Probably.

Cecil: [mumbles] Oh, yeah.

Michelle: That’s probably what you do, certainly I wouldn’t! I wake up listening to Leonard Cohen’s new album: “Wait Where Am I, I Thought I Died and How Is This Even Being Recorded?”

Cecil: [impressed] Oh, yeah.

Michelle: I listen to that album in full and then nod thoughtfully, and drink three cups of black coffee.

Cecil: Mmm.

Michelle: [scoffs] I don’t even know who Robyn is and I would never scream sing along to “Dancing On My Own” whenever I miss my mother.

Cecil: [scoffs] Oh wait, your mother, I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned her before.

Michelle: I learned everything about music from her. She once found me listening to The Smiths and said, [different accent] “Michelle! What are you doing! Morrissey turned out to be the worst person ever! I give you shelter over your head, three meal a day and access to a working time machine. And you don’t even use it to find out which celebrity turned out to be bad? It’s almost all celebrity, Michelle! Almost all celebrity turned out to be bad!” And she was right about that, Cecil. Can you name a good celebrity?

Cecil: Um, oh there’s Lee Marvin!

Michelle: That’s right, just Robyn.

Cecil: Just Robyn, yeah that’s it.

Michelle: I can’t think of anyone else either. Then my mother would say: “Michelle! I don’t wan the world to be the way that it is, but the world is that way. And people will judge. They will judge you for what you wear and what you listen to and what you say. They will judge you especially hard for so many unfair reason. So that music you listen to, that make you happy? Don’t let go of it. Never show that weakness to the world. In public, you listen to the music that tell them who you are, and you wear the clothes that show them wo you are. Always be one step ahead of them. And then at night, when it’s just you and  you’ve played their game and you’ve won, then you put on a record that makes you happy, and you let yourself sing!” Then one day, my mother took the time machine back to prehistoric times, to try to retrieve some of their music, which would have been the coolest and most obscure sons. But she never returned. I miss her, but I’ll never forget the last thing she told me. She said, “Michelle! I cannot emphasize enough how awful Morrissey turned out to be!”

Cecil: Awwww. Wow. Gosh Michelle, I’m so sorry about your mother, but thank you for sharing that extremely personal story on the air.

Michelle: Uh.. No what no? No, I don’t think I did. We were talking about 80’s night. Come to 80’s night! There will be a Cyndi Lauper lookalike competition, and the winner will take over Cyndi’s life, becoming the fifth person to play that role. See you there! Or not, whatever.

Cecil: Thank you, Michelle!

More on the community calendar. Thursday night is the adopt a pet fair at the Last Bank of Night Vale. There’s gonna all sorts of animals, and they will come home with you. You don’t even have to go to the fair. They already know where your home is. And they’re gonna be waiting for you. When you open your door that night, there’s gonna be panting and snarling and two little blinks of light, right inside your darkened doorway. So wow, that sounds like a really fun and socially important event!

And finally, Friday is Bring Your Issues to Work Day. So really dig deep there, people! Let ‘em loose! And this has been the community calendar.

8. Tamika Flynn

Cecil: So listeners, I’m joined in my studio right now by the most vigilant defender of Night Vale and of literature. Please welcome to the air 16-year-old Tamika Flynn!

Tamika: [giggles] Hi Cecil, hi!

Cecil: Hi Tamika! Now, you must be alarmed that there’s a dangerous spy on the loose.

Tamika: Of course! It’s not safe to have an interloper learning our secrets.

Cecil: But what could they learn that would hurt us?

Tamika: Oh, lots of stuff. What if they start uncovering all the plot twists of our favorite novels, like “Murder on the Orient Express”, Agatha Christie’s brilliant whodunit. What if they read ahead and learned at the murderer turns out to be-

Cecil: Wubububububuh! Spoilers! I mean, some of us haven’t read it yet!

Tamika: Oh I’m just teasing. That book doesn’t even have an ending. It’s the only murder Agatha could never solve.

Cecil: Hmm, hm.

Tamika: But learning secrets can be harmful, like one time, I was waiting in line at midnight for the release of the sixth Harry Potter book, and some jerk drove by and shouted: “Snape and Dumbledore are both featured prominently in the new novel!” [angry noise] Ruined.

Cecil: I’ve never read the sixth book!

Tamika: Oh.

Cecil: I’ve only read the third and the seventh. So now the whole experience is ruined!

Tamika: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I chased that fool down and I punched him until his bruises spelled out: “Don’t mess with a Hufflepuff!” But I do have a plan to catch this spy. I’ll disguise myself as the Mink. And then I’ll walk around town until I find someone that’s dressed exactly like me.

Cecil: Ah.

Tamika: [giggles] And then I’ll grab them and I’ll whisper that famous, oh um and then I’ll grab them and shout at them and say: “You wanna spoil the endings of books, pal? Why don’t you try Stephen King’s ‘It’, that whole ending is terrible!”

Cecil: Oh, come on, I liked the ending of “It”!

Tamika: Really?

Cecil: Yeah, you know when It just turns out to be the friends we made along the way. You and you and you… It’s nice. OK, anyway, Tamika. Now I have a question. How are you going to disguise yourself as the Mink, when nobody knows what the Mink actually looks like?

Tamika: Well I’ll j-, but I c-..

Cecil: I know.

Tamika: Oh.

Cecil: Yeah…

Tamika: Fine. Then, oh I’ll dress up as a manila folder with a “top secret” stamp on it!

Cecil: Oh yeah.

Tamika: And then when someone tries to take me, I’ll grab them and whisper that famous movie speech: “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. I don’t have any money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills.”

Cecil: Ah!

Tamika: “Skills that I’ve acquired through reading! Would you like a list of book recommendations? Here are a few I think you’d enjoy.”

Cecil: Ah, ha ha!

Tamika: Yes!

Cecil: Oh man, that is my favorite scene from “Say Anything”.

Tamika: Yeah! [giggles] When John Cusack holds that boombox above his head outside the terrorist headquarters, I mean [kiss]! [laughs]

Cecil: So good!

Tamika: Yes.

Cecil: Mm mm, now wait. The Mink is a real threat, and they are interested in learning far more than just book spoilers. I mean, you in particular might be in danger, Tamika.

Tamika: [giggles] Cecil, I’m 16 years old. I know everything there is to know about taking care of myself, OK?

Cecil: Oh yeah, OK, alright. Alright. But listen, if you catch the Mink, bring them here to the studio, because I need to have a moment…

Tamika: Wanna rough him up?

Cecil: Oh uuuuh, um..

Tamika: Yeeeah, like I’ll pin him down and then you take this copy of Hanya Yanagihara’s “Little Life” and just like, bam, bam, bam!

Cecil: Oh, oh.

Tamika: Bam!

Cecil: Oh!

Tamika: This book made me cry, now it’s making you cry, sucker!

Cecil: Uh.. Yeah sure, something like that.

Tamika: Yeah. [giggles]

Cecil: Um-

Tamika: Well, I think I’m off to get that Mink!

Cecil: All right, thank you Tamika! Be safe. Tamika Flynn, everyone!

9. Public Service Announcement

And now, a public service announcement. The Night Vale Youth Fitness Initiative recommends at least 60 minutes a day outdoors for children under the age of 18. Being outdoors encourages kids to be more active and social. Fitness Initiative spokesperson, (Jin Housong) said: “Kids spend too much time indoors, and that makes it very difficult for us to monitor their physical agility and speed! We are trying to find children to fight in the Blood Space War, and that is very difficult when all kids wanna do is spend all their time inside Snapchatting and playing Fortnite.” Some outdoor activities encouraged by the Youth Fitness Initiative include cycling, soccer, breath holding, sensory deprovation, G force resistance, and string theory. The staff of the Youth Fitness Initiative welcome any kid wanting to have fun outdoor time to come on down to the Intergalactic Military Base. They can’t tell you where it is, but they are more than happy to send a chaperone in a burlap sack, and a van. And this has been a public service announcement.

10. Telly the Barber

So listeners, several Night Vale residents have sent in reports of seeing strangers sneaking about town, possible sightings of the elusive Mink. And we have one such witness with us in the studio right now. Please welcome – Telly the barber.

Telly: Hi Cecil!

Cecil: [long pause] Have you cut any hair lately,  Telly?

Telly: Oh sure, I’m always-

Cecil: Have you cut any hair that didn’t need cutting, Telly?

Telly: I-I think we all saw the signs..

Cecil: Have you taken any innocent person, any handsome person and perfectly coiffed scientist person’s hair and then just destroyed it so completely that you had to leave town, Telly?

Telly: Not lately.

Cecil: Mm hm.

Telly: Did you wanna hear my story?

Cecil: No.

Telly: OK, I’ll just hum and cut my hair with this butterknife.

Cecil: Oh OK, alright alright alright alright, I’ve changed my mind, I do wanna hear your story.

Telly: OK. So ever since that one bad haircut and please tell Carlos I’m so sorry, see he asked me for a light trim on the sides, and I misheard it as “shave asterisk in my sideburns, then cut me some bangs.”

Cecil: Bangs? Ugh.

Telly: After that, I banished myself to the desert, rehoning my cutting skills on cacti and tarantulas. Did you know that tarantulas are venomous?

Cecil: Yeah, I- I actually knew that. Oh my god, your hand!

Telly: I learned the hard way. But, but it was a great experience, see I finally reopened my barber shop in Night Vale last year, over by the library. Some of the librarians come in from time to time, I-I have to chain their tentacles to the (--) [0:01:45] first, and then I use grooming sheers to trim the hair along their pincers, which is tough because of the foaming slime that gathers there. Did you know that librarian saliva is acidic?

Cecil: Yeah of course, everybody – oh my god, your other hand!

Telly: I’m earning so much

Cecil: Ugh.

Telly: Anyway, earlier this week, an interloper came to my shop. They were wearing a hockey mask and a turtleneck, they had long thick curly black hair and they whispered: ”I need a new look! Can you cut it short and blond?” so I did.

Cecil: That could have been the Mink!

Telly: Why don’t you just tell the story, Cecil?

Cecil: Well no I’m sorry, I’m sorry. No please, go ahead.

Telly: So the next day-

Cecil: Please tell us more about the lives that those scissors have ruined.

Telly: The next day, the same person returned and they were wearing a sleep mask, vampire teeth, and a drum major coat. An excellent disguise, but I know my own work and I recognize their haircut immediately. I said: “Hello, brand new customer whom I have never seen before! What can I do for you?”

And they whispered: “I need a new look. Can you cut it long and straight with a beard like that guy from Queer Eye?”

Cecil: Awww, I love Jonathan Van Ness! Oh hey, did you ever see that episode where they consult that stone obelisk on that uninhabited island?

Telly: Yeah yeah that's the one where Jonathan was like: “We’re gonna make those cliffs glow!”

Cecil: Yeaah!

Telly: And then he uttered an ancient prayer and was granted a bent scepter and control of the weather.

Cecil: And then they just spent the rest of the episode flying around the island, screaming in Latin and zapping Bobby with lightning.

Telly: That was a great episode!

Cecil: So good.

Telly: You know, the part about the cliffs was so empowering .

Cecil: Yeah!

Telly: Anyway, I performed a wild flurry of scissor snips around the stranger’s head, and voila, they have long straight hair and a beard. Every day this week they’ve come to me, they wanted a Pam Greer Afro, a Sid Vicious Mohawk. That famous Friends haircut, the Ross.

Cecil: You know what you should do? Next time they come in, ask them to get like a blow dry or a perm, and then while they’re waiting-

Telly: Uh, well… don’t be mad.

Cecil: Wait, what?

Telly: So they were today and I kinda messed up? I-I don’t think they’ll be back.

Cecil: Oh come on, Telly!

Telly: See they wanted a 90’s fade and I misheard, and I cut my own foot off. See?

Cecil: Oh my god! Telly, you didn’t even put a bandage on it!

Telly: I didn’t wanna be late to your show. Anyway, they looked really annoyed and left before they got any more blood on them.

Cecil: Ugh. Well you know the important thing is that you tried. I mean, you messed up in a really serious way that I did not even think was possible, but… you tried. And also, I’m sorry I yelled at you before.

Telly: Thanks, Cecil. You know, this might be the blood loss talking but that means so much to me.

Cecil: Sure. Hey listen, have you ever thought about a different career maybe?

Telly: Like knife sharpening or gun cleaning, or chainsaw repair?

Cecil: You know what, no no, just stick to the barbering, Telly. Thank you so much.

Telly: Sure thing.

Cecil: Telly the Barber, everyone! Just grind it into the carpet, no one will ever know.

12. Sightings of the Mink

We are getting reports of Mink sightings all over town. Archeology professor Joel Eisenberg saw a stranger outside of Mission Grove Park, and they were dressed all in black and they were holding copy of the Night Vale Daily Journal, just high enough to cover their face. Now, Joel Eisenberg saw this person, and pointed and shouted “Interloper”, and then being a friendly neighbor, went over and said “Hi, I’m Joel, do you like dinosaurs?” And the stranger said yes, but kept their face hidden.

“What’s your favorite dinosaur? Mine’s the ichthyosaur.”

And the stranger said, “Yeah, I guess so, sure.”

And Joel’s face reddened and his voice thickened like wet concrete.

“Ichthyosaurs aren’t dinosaurs! Mink!” [scoffs]

Imposter didn’t even know the difference between a marine lizard and a dinosaur. But they did know how to throw that newspaper in Joel’s face and run.

Jackie Fierro, owner of the local pawn shop, said her half mother Diane Crayton came to the store to ask if Jackie sold cars that fired rockets from behind their headlights and/or turn into boats, and/or had ejector seats. Now, Jackie thought this was a fairly odd request from a single mother with a fairly bland day job. “What do you need all that for, Diane?” asked Jackie.

“It’s for my son, Josh Josh, my son’s name is Josh.”

Now Jackie knew this was not the real Diane. She was nose to nose with the Mink. Jackie started to speak, but there was a quick puff of smoke and the would-be-Diane was gone, and in their place, there was a wad that looked like skin and hair. And Jackie picked it up, and it was a perfect replica of Diane’s face.

Later, at the old shipping port, Tamika Flynn trailed a suspect into a dilapidated warehouse along the waterfront, which has no water, because we live in a desert. Which is a huge reason why they had to shut down the shipping port. Anyway, it was dark inside the abandoned building save for streaks of dusty sunlight through the shaddered windows, and Tamika heard a creaking from a pile of boxes nearby, and she was frightened, unable to move. But wait, she thought. Why, I’m the predator, the Mink is the prey. And then she remembered those famous lines from Alfred Lord Tennyson’s “Charge of the Light Brigade.” “I’m here to kick butt and chew bubblegum. Why not both?”

So she threw some chicklets into her mouth and shouted: “You’re trapped, Mink!” and raced toward the sound and a figure emerged from behind a tower of boxes, and they pushed the crates down on Tamika, but she did this like, backflip-kick thing and knocked that interloper right out of the warehouse onto the deck. And as they approached, the Mink pulled out a remote control and a tiny helicopter descended from nowhere and a tiny ladder descended from the tiny helicopter, and the Mink grabbed onto it and flew away.

Man, I thought Tamika really had him that time. I really wanna take a moment to just interview this person, someone who has all these secrets, just for journalistic reasons of course.

It would make the interview of the century.

13. Sheriff Sam

But until that moment, the Sheriff’s Secret Police would like us to know that they have this Mink situation firmly in hand. And in order to show how under control it is, the Sheriff would like to speak to you themself. Listeners, Sheriff Sam!

Sam: Hello Sessil.

Cecil: Cecil.

Sam: Sessil.

Cecil: Cecil.

Sam: Do you know, I really feel like I’m saying it. Sessil.

Cecil: Yeah, it-it sounds good enough, alright.

Sam: Now before I start, I want to apologize to the people of Night Vale for what I’ve done. And let me finish. I disagree that the new seasons of “The Great British Bake Off” are better. And I’m very sad that Mary Berry is no longer there, you know I couldn’t get enough of her famous catch phrase: “I’m unable to feel anything at all. Unless I can see clear layers in a baked good.”

Cecil: Ah, such a good catch phrase!

Sam: And I don’t like that they replaced Mel and Sue with two polar bears, who toy with and eventually eat the last place finisher.

Cecil: Yeah, I think I think it will grow us on, right?

Sam: Yeah but all that being said, I really shouldn’t have done what I did last night. When I raised my voice and said: “Paul Hollywood needs a new wardrobe.” I mean, what’s with those blue jeans, right?  

Cecil: Yeah, yeah.

Sam: And then Paul started crying and wailed: “Why would you say that, powerful desert law enforcer?” And channel 4 immediately cancelled the series.

Cecil: I know, I-I didn’t get to see the technical challenge that episode.

Sam: No. And I-I know it was your favorite show and now it’s gone..

Cecil: Yeah.

Sam: So I’m sorry. Television is a two-way street..

Cecil: Yeah.

Sam: ..and I should have thought about that.

Cecil: That’s right, they can hear us. So I-I, listen, I accept your apology and besides, it’s actually kind of nice not to have the TV on and to get to spend more time with my husband. Yeah.

Sam: And you know I didn’t even mean what meant, what I said. I didn’t even mean what I meant. [chuckles] I didn’t even mean what I meant when I said that thing about Paul Hollywood. I should look at the script, it would be more useful.

Cecil: That’s…

Sam: [chuckles] I think Paul Hollywood does look good in jeans, I mean he’s stepfather hot.

Cecil: Oh wait, please. He’s more like divorced tax accountant dad hot. That’s, you know. Anyway, let’s change the subject. I wanted to speak to you today about the Mink. Now, they are a master of disguise and this has made it impossible for us to find them. Does the Sheriff’s Secret Police have a plan to determine who the Mink is?

Sam: Well, we’ve consulted with experts, and outside of fringe sciences like parapsychology, divination, genetics…

Cecil: Yeah, right.

Sam: Not really, no. But we do have a new law enforcement tool. It’s called the brainwave transposition ray. [long pause, apparently something visual is going on]

Cecil: OK you’re just doing like spirit fingers.

Sam: Not at all. This is the brainwave transposition ray. Sessil, simply put: you point it at a potential criminal, which is to say anybody at all. And it tells you exactly what they’re currently thinking.

Cecil: Whoa!

Sam: Here, I’ll show you how it works. Now there might be Night Vale citizens on the sidewalk outside the studio, I can try it on.

Cecil: OK.

Sam: Let me move over to the window and… weird.

Cecil: What?

Sam: There’s hundreds of people staring at us right now.

Cecil: I know, they’ve been here the whole time. It’s making me nervous, but you know, it’s fine.

Sam: Yeah, creepy.

Cecil: Yeah.

Sam: Well, you see if I point the device right at this person, we should be able to hear their exact thoughts.

Cecil: Mm.

Voice: I like many kinds of animals, but I like sea lions best.

Cecil: Huh.

Sam: I mean doesn’t sound like the Mink…

Cecil: Ah no, no.

Sam: OK, let’s try someone else.

Voice: I forgot to wash the blood off the bath tub, my wife’s gonna kill me. Oh god.

Sam: No, the Mink wouldn’t be married.

Cecil: Yeah, yeah.

Sam: Let’s try…

Voice: Sure hope the Secret Police won’t arrest me for wearing a full disguise and a mask.

Cecil: Whoa! That’s the Mink!

Voice: Cause I’m not wearing a disguise or a mask. I’m just Chris (Brothon) from Night Vale with my usual face and limbs, and my greatest fear is false arrest.

Cecil: Oh. That was very specific.

Sam: Ahem. You know, having a fear of false arrest is highly illegal, so we’ll be by soon to collect you, Chris. Let’s try one more. Do you want to try doing it?

Cecil: Well I oh, I don’t know Sheriff, I mean it’s an amazing device but it does seem rather intrusive. Are you sure it’s safe?

Sam: Yes yes of course come on, try it on me. [loud music, glass shatters]

Cecil: Oh wow. That’s, that’s great. I-I had no idea that that’s what you’re thinking right now.

Sam: Yeah sure, why what do your thoughts sound like?

Cecil: I love my husband. I love my husband. I also agree that sea lions are so cute. So cute! Soo cute!!

Sam: None of that was illegal at all, how disappointing.

Cecil: Yeah I know, I’m sorry. Um, you know but I do hope that you end up arresting Chris later on.

Sam: Well that will cheer me up. Now Sessil, you do help me look on the bright side so thank you and do give me a shout if you find out anything about the Mink.

Cecil: Alright, I will. Thank you, Sheriff Sam!

13. Ascentia Ad

Cecil: And now another word from our sponsors.

[talks very fast] Today’s show is also brought to you by Ascentia. If you’ve ever felt anything at all, there’s Ascentia. Talk to your doctor about Ascentia. Your doctor is a spider, all black eyes and long legs, clinging effortlessly to the wall. Tell your doctor how afraid you are but don’t say anything out loud unless you are (-) [ 0:00:18] paralyzed by your choice of fight or flight. Do not fight your doctor, your doctor is good. They eat a lot of bugs, they’re super helpful. Your doctor is just as afraid of you as you are of them. Do not take Ascentia if you’ve ever seen a dog. Spiritual transcendence is uncommon, but if you find yourself no longer in a physical body, please stop taking Ascentia immediately and contact a medium with a medical training and a Ouija board. Ascentia might cause night (-). Ask your doctor about Canada. Do not take Aponto which is our competitor. Aponto users report high levels of centipedes inside their necks, crawling around right before bed and on first dates. Ascentia is a solar flare, a radioactive magnetic burst that should not be taken with alcohol. Do not breathe for 30 minutes after taking Ascentia.

You’re a person. That’s why there’s…

Ascentia.

14. Deb Returns

Cecil: And now I present to you a major milestone in radio history: the first ever audio only magic shooooow! Yes, yes, yes!

Now listen, I’ve been practicing these tricks perfectly and I have every single one of them down, even the one with the-the doves and the aerial dancers. So, for my first trick, I will take a flamethrower that I have hidden under the… [long pause] OK, listeners, that may have to wait. For some reason, Deb the sentient patch of haze has returned to my studio. What’s up Deb?

Deb: Hello, Cecil! How are you? Oh, doesn’t this place just look a treat? Oh, and all the doves! I love doves! Almost as much as I love horses.

Cecil: Deb, are you OK?

Deb: Cecil, thank you, I’m doing wonderful, how are you? Oh, and isn’t this just the cutest little studio! Is that a safe? Full of secrets? How adorable! I can’t, I won’t, I absolutely will not...

Cecil: You sound a little different or something.

Deb: Well do you know what would make this studio that much more perfect, Cecil? Beautiful crystalline horse figurines. Can’t you just picture them? Oh, all of the sparkly horses! Especially, tsk tsk tsk, on that safe. I bet that safe just has the cutest combination.

Cecil: Oh yeah, it’s super cute, but I don’t see what it has to-

Deb: As a kid, I remember watching the horses drop by my house. Can you believe it, I grew up near a horse farm? “Get inside!” my mother would yell. [shrill voice] “You know you’re allergic!” But how could allergies ever stand up to my love of horses? Say, I bet the inside of that safe is even that much more adorable..

Cecil: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Deb: Can I ju-

Cecil: Love? Deb isn’t capable of love! Oh my god, you’re the Mink!

Deb: Nooo! No!

Cecil: Yes, the Mink has disguised themself as Deb in order to infiltrate my studio!

Deb: That’s not true.

Cecil: Yeah, certain small tells in their behavior indicated that this is not the real Deb!

Deb: No I’m definitely Bed, I mean Deb, excuse me..

Cecil: No wait wait wait, before you go, I just need to have a moment…

15. The Chase

Cecil: Tamika, this is the Mink! [long pause, suspenseful music] And the Mink has just jumped into a 1987 yellow (-) [0:00:22] and raced off, and Tamika is leaping onto her motorcycle and speeding after, and the Sheriff’s Secret Police, who had our station under surveillance, are joining the chase. The Mink has now turned the wrong way down a one way street and is weaving through oncoming traffic, and Tamika is racing up a loading ramp, jumping her bike from rooftop to rooftop, from rooftop to bus stop, and from bus stop to the street. She’s finally hit the ground and she’s only a few feet away from the Mink’s car and they’re swerving back and forth trying to get her to veer off. Watch out, Tamika!

Breaking news: I have just learned that the Mink and their ever increasing search for secrets has started to delve into forbidden and dangerous knowledge. Six security guards at the top secret facility on Oak Street have gone missing, and the entire place was ransacked. This is all according to a spokesperson from the Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency, who looked a lot like my neighbor Madeline, and lives in Madeline’s house but had a sign that says “I’m not Madeline”, so I have no idea where I’m getting any of this information.

Anyway, that spokesperson said that among the classified secrets taken were the truth about who killed JFK, Amelia Earhart’s continued whereabouts, several nuclear codes and what, what, what? That Night Vale resident and actor Lee Marvin died decades ago? But that’s impossible! Like, he’s alive and well, and today is his 30th birthday.

Update on the chase. Tamika has now trapped the Mink’s car at the top of a towering cliff, and the Mink is fleeing on foot, and overhead helicopters of every kind circle, and the Sheriff’s Secret Police secret police cars roar by on a nearby road, and dark clouds are gathering, and there is lightning and thunder and listen, I know it does rain sometimes in the desert but it was, like, sunny 15 seconds ago but this is a really compelling picture that I’m painting for all of you. And the wind is whipping back Tamika’s hair as she sprints after the Mink, who is rearranging their disguise even as they flee, but finally they hit a dead end. It’s a sheer drop on both sides. “There’s no way left to go, Mink!” Tamika shouts into the gusts of wind, and the Mink smiles at her ever so sadly and then – steps backward off the cliff. Now Tamika, not willing to let her (quarry) go so easily – jumps after. Let me get some information on this, this has all gone terribly wrong. But in the meantime,

Let’s check in

On the weather.

16. The Weather

[“Company Man” by Dane Terry, https://daneterry.bandcamp.com/]

17. Where is the Mink

Listeners, I do hope you found that weather report was edifying. I’ve been trying to get any word that I can on Tamika or the Mink, but they both have vanished. The helicopters lost track of them as they fell through the long curtain of rain, and so no one can say what happened next but – that fall was quite long.

This is all my fault. I knew it was dangerous, but I was blind to the dangers that I was asking Tamika to perform, because I wanted to speak with the Mink so badly. And now I fear – we have lost her.

I have never wanted to say these words but.. to the family of Tamika Flynn, I will never forget myself for what I have done, I will never be able to-

Tamika: No, I’m alive! I’m not dead!

Cecil: Tamika, oh Tamika!

Tamika: Hi hi hey hey hey, hey hey hey, I’m down here, no worries.

Cecil: What happened?!

Tamika: Oh, I-I caught the Mink.

Cecil: What?

Tamika: Yeah! They’re right hear.

Cecil: [gasps] [long pause]

Tamika: Yeah, I-I found them.

Cecil: That’s amazing, I’m so impressed!

Tamika: [chuckles] Bam, one Mink caught, I am very good at this.

Cecil: Yeah! No wait, are you positive that’s the Mink though?

Tamika: Yes. Well, I got some intel on their latest disguise, and they’re wearing sunglasses.

Cecil: Uh huh.

Tamika: You can put them over (--)  [0:01:33]. They’re wearing a hat.

Cecil: OK, yeah.

Tamika: It’s clean.

Cecil: Yeah, yeah, clean hat. Clean hat Mink, that’s what they call him.

Tamika: And they’re wearing a name tag that says: “Hello, I’m the Mink!”

Cecil: Aaaa, yes, that is some brilliant deduction!

Tamika: I am very smart.

Cecil: Yeah, well done but Tamika, bring them into my studio for just one second before the Secret Police get here, OK?

Tamika: Alright, we’re on our way!

Cecil: Alright, thank you Tamika! Oh, that’s such a relief! Whoa. (But!)  You know, it just goes to show that reckless decision making and snap decisions always pay off. And I’m so glad that I turned out to be 100 percent right about this whole situation. Versus how 100 percent wrong about this whole situation I was just a few months ago.

But you know, listen, I’ve gotta confess something to you all, and I hate to do this because I hold myself to high standards both morally and journalistically, but – I lied to you just a tiny little bit on my show, because I didn’t know who was listening. But now I will make it up to you by telling you all the truth. Not all the truth, I’m gonna withhold just a little piece of information, but I’m letting you know upfront that there’s one thing that I cannot tell you.

Listen, I was never seeking the Mink for professional reasons, not because it would make the interview of the century or because I wanted to get them to spill all their secrets on the air, no. I wanted to talk to them because they never spill their secrets, because listeners, I have this secret that I have been holding for two years, and I have to tell someone! And here comes this opportunity to talk to his person that never spills any of their secrets. They’re the perfect keeper of forbidden knowledge. And now, here they are.

Thank you so much, Tamika. Now Mink, I gotta tell you something, you know and I’ve only, I don’t think I’ve ever told anybody. Wait, hold on a sec-

18. Secret Interdlue

[music, audience reacts, no audible dialogue]

19. The Escape

Cecil: Oh no, they’re getting away! Aaaaah. Oh man, uh! Ahhhh. [strained noises] We’ll never catch them now. The Mink has escaped. Now, we as a society, we fear secrets. You know, maybe as a species, if we don’t fear them we look down upon them like secret lies or dirty little secrets, and if someone is not willing to say something out loud, then it must be shameful or evil or somehow incorrect but a secret, it’s not good or bad, it’s just not known and the universe is filled with secrets, like consider a field flush with flowers that humans have not seen in generations. If we don’t know about it, is it a secret or or, or a star in the middle of the galaxy that our telescopes do not reach. We will never know about this star, but it glitters secretly in the heart of the universe or, or something more down to earth and mundane like a, like a person who has never tasted a turnip. Doesn’t know what a turnip tastes like and just refuses to ask anybody or eat a turnip. Is that a secret? I don’t know. What is unknown and what is merely unsaid?

Officials from the Sheriff’s Secret Police, the City Council, and the Vague yet Menacing Government Agency all say that they have plans to catch the Mink and those plans are top secret. And since they’re top secret, the Mink has already learned about them, so they are highly unlikely to work. But you know what? Good luck.

Soon I imagine we will all return to a baseline normal as a town, a little less darkness, a lot less secrets but we’re still us, we’re still Night Vale. You know, there’s an energy in secrets. Who we share them with, who we don’t. And not everybody has a right to know everything about everyone, and our curiosity, it’s not a license. And we don’t have to share every part of ourselves with everyone, there’s no shame in privacy. There is, however, an energy in secrets, there’s a-a fission that happens when you share a secret with somebody. And that secret could be an aspect of love, platonic love or romantic love or the love you owe to yourself, love of every kind. And the biggest secret of all is the universe, one that we will never get to unravel.

I mean, I had a secret, and I needed the Mink to help me carry it. And I know that they’re not going to bow to peer pressure and tell aanybody what I just told them. No matter how many drinks people buy at the bar afterwards and say “Hey, what did he just say to you?” No, they’re gonna keep that secret. You know, secrets can be light. Share them with somebody, don’t share them with somebody, hold them for yourself. I mean I’m not ashamed of my secret, certainly not. Certainly not.

See? There’s an energy in secrets. Especially in secrets that all of you will never get to know.

There is an energy in secrets, and I hope that that energy lifts you.

So stay tuned next for the quiet roar of your secret thoughts, some of which you may some day share.

And for the secret heart of my secret self,

Good night, Night Vale,

Good night.

[torturedwarrior]

The Zodiac Killer:

Who is the Zodiac Killer? How many People did he kill? Was he caught? The self-proclaimed Zodiac Killer was linked directly to at least five murders in 1968 and 1969 in Northern California and may have been responsible for more. He taunted the police and made threats by letters sent from 1969 to 1974 to local newspapers, before abruptly ceasing communication. No one was ever arrested for the crimes, despite intensive investigations, and the case remains open. Many books and films have been the subject of the mystery surrounding the murders, including the acclaimed 2007 feature Zodiac by director David Fincher. The Zodiac Killer is the alias of an unknown serial killer living in Northern California from the late 1960s to the early 1970s at least. Between December 1968 and October 1969, the Zodiac murdered victims in Benicia, Vallejo, Napa County, and San Francisco. The killer killed four men and three women aged 16 to 29, with two of the men surviving attempted assassination. The Zodiac itself claimed up to 37 victims were killed. In a series of taunting letters and cards sent to the local Bay Area media, the murderer coined the name "Zodiac." Four cryptograms (or ciphers) were included in the documents. Only one of the four cryptograms sent was eventually resolved.

Zodiac Killer Letters, Symbol & Cipher: on August 1, 1969, each of  three editors received an identical handwritten letter in an envelope without a return address from the San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco Chronicle and Vallejo Times-Herald. Beginning with "Dear Editor: I'm the murderer of the two teenagers at Lake Herman last Christmas," the letters included specifics of the killings of the Zodiac Killer that only the killer could have learned. If the letters were not printed on the papers ' front page, the killer continued to threaten further attacks. Every letter ended with a symbol consisting of a circle with a cross through it, in what would become known as the symbol of the Zodiac Killer

Here are some of The Zodiac Killers victims that had been confirmed and that they police suspected he murdered.

Confirmed Victims:

Although the Zodiac claimed to have committed 37 murders in letters to the newspapers, investigators agree on only seven confirmed victims, two of whom survived. They are:

 ·        David Arthur Faraday, 17, and Betty Lou Jensen, 16: shot and killed on December 20, 1968, on Lake Herman Road, within the city limits of Benicia. Coordinates: 38°5′41.61″N 122°8′38.24″W

·        Michael Renault Mageau, 19, and Darlene Elizabeth Ferrin, 22: shot on July 4, 1969, in the parking lot of Blue Rock Springs Park in Vallejo. While Mageau survived the attack, Ferrin was pronounced dead on arrival at Kaiser Foundation Hospital. Coordinates: 38°7′33.56″N 122°11′27.94″W

·        Bryan Calvin Hartnell, 20, and Cecelia Ann Shepard, 22: stabbed on September 27, 1969, at Lake Berryessa in Napa County. Hartnell survived eight stab wounds to the back, but Shepard died as a result of her injuries on September 29, 1969. Coordinates: 38°33′48.29″N 122°13′54.43″W

·        Paul Lee Stine, 29: shot and killed on October 11, 1969, in the Presidio Heights neighborhood in San Francisco. Coordinates: 37°47′19.47″N 122°27′25.54″W

Suspected Victims:

The following murder victims are suspected to be victims of Zodiac, though none have been confirmed:

 ·        Robert Domingos, 18, and Linda Edwards, 17: shot and killed on June 4, 1963, on a beach near Gaviota. Edwards and Domingos were identified as possible Zodiac victims because of specific similarities between their attack and the Zodiac's attack at Lake Berryessa six years later. Coordinates: 34°28′11.20″N 120°10′7.14″W

·        Cheri Jo Bates, 18: stabbed to death and nearly decapitated on October 30, 1966, at Riverside City College in Riverside. Bates's possible connection to the Zodiac only appeared four years after her murder when San Francisco Chronicle reporter Paul Avery received a tip regarding similarities between the Zodiac killings and the circumstances surrounding Bates's death.[6] College coordinates: 33°58′19″N 117°22′52″W

·        Donna Lass, 25: last seen September 6, 1970, in Stateline, Nevada. A postcard with an advertisement from Forest Pines condominiums (near Incline Village at Lake Tahoe) pasted on the back was received at the Chronicle on March 22, 1971 and has been interpreted as the Zodiac claiming Lass's disappearance as a victim. No evidence has been uncovered to connect Lass's disappearance with the Zodiac Killer definitively.[7]

The Zodiac is also a suspect in the unsolved Santa Rosa hitchhiker murders.[8][9][10]

There is also a suspected third escapee from the Zodiac Killer:

 ·        Kathleen Johns, 22: allegedly abducted on March 22, 1970, on Highway 132 near I-580, in an area west of Modesto. Johns escaped from the car of a man who drove her and her infant daughter around the area between Stockton and Patterson for approximately 1½ hours.[11] Junction 132/I-580 coordinates: 37°38′16.14″N 121°23′55.22″W

The polices nightmare: Lake Herman Road attack: The first assassinations widely attributed to the Zodiac Killer were the killing of high school students Betty Lou Jensen and David Faraday on December 20, 1968, on Lake Herman Boulevard, just within the city limits of Benicia. The pair were about three blocks from Jensen's home on their first date and planned to attend a Christmas concert at Hogan High School. Instead, the couple visited a friend before parking at a local restaurant and driving on Lake Herman Avenue. Faraday parked the Rambler of his mother at about 10:15 p.m. in a gravel turnout, which was a well-known lane of lovers. Shortly after 11:00 p.m., Stella Borges, who lived nearby, found their bodies. The Department of the Solano County Sheriff investigated the crime, but there were no leads. More details include, Robert Graysmith, using available forensic data, postulated that another car would pull into the turnout just before 11:00 pm and park next to the couple. Apparently, the killer left the second car and walked towards the Rambler, possibly ordering the pair out of the Rambler. Jensen appears to have left the car first, but the murderer apparently shot him in the head when Faraday was halfway out. The attacker then shot Jensen in the back five times as she fled; 28 meters from the car found her body. Then the killer drove away.

Lake Berryessa attack: On September 27, 1969, on a small island connected by a sand spit to Twin Oak Ridge, Pacific Union College students Bryan Hartnell and Cecelia Shepard were picnicking at Lake Berryessa. A white man weighing more than 170 pounds (77 kg) with combed greasy brown hair, about 5 feet 11 inches (1.80 m), approached them wearing a black executioner-type hood with clip-on sunglasses over the eyeholes and a bib-like device on his chest that had a white three-by-three-inch (7.6 cm) cross-circle logo on it. With a gun, which Hartnell believed to be a.45, he approached them. The man with the cap claimed to be an escape convict from a two-word prison in either Colorado or Montana, where he killed the guard and then stolen a car, explaining that he now needed their car and money to get to Mexico, as the vehicle he was driving was "too hot"

At 7:40, the killer rang out of a payphone to announce the new crime to the office of the Napa County Sheriff. He first told the operator he wanted to "trace an assassination-not a double assassination," before revealing that he was the perpetrator.  Only a few blocks from the Sheriff's office but still 43 miles (27 miles) from the crime scene, the phone was found, still off the hook, by KVON radio reporter, Pat Stanley, minutes later on at Napa Car Wash on Main Street. Detectives could take a still wet palm print from their mobile but could never fit it. When a man and his son heard their cry for help in a nearby cove, they located the victims and sought help in contact with park rangers. They were fishing. The first law enforcement officers to come to the crime scene were Dave Collins and Ray Land detectives of Napa County Sheriff. Cecelia Shepard was aware of the detailed description of the attacker when Collins arrived. The Queen of the Valley Hospital in Napa was brought by the ambulance, Hartnell and Shepard. In transportation to the hospital, Shepard lapsed into a coma and never recovered consciousness. Two days later she died, but Hartnell lived to tell his story to the press. Sheriff Inspector of Napa County

The Final Letter that the San Francisco Police gotten from The Zodiac Killer: The Zodiac remained quiet for almost three years following the card "Pines." A letter, published on 29 January 1974 by Zodiac, hailed The Exorcist as "the best satirical comedy I've ever seen" The letter contained a snippet from the Mikado and an unusual lower symbol, which the researchers did not explain. The letter "Me= 37, SF PD= 0" came to an end by Zodiac. So, if The Zodiac Killer was never caught what is the status of the case? The SFPD labeled the case "inactive" in April 2004, citing pressure on caseloads and demands for resources that effectively shut down the case. Sometime before March 2007, however, they reopened their case. In the county of Napa and Riverside the case was then opened. Did the police have any suspects?

In May 2018, the police department of Vallejo announced that it wished to try to collect the DNA from the back of his correspondence. The analysis will take the advanced new method of separating DNA from the adhesive on the back of the stamps, used by a private laboratory. There were five suspected to be The Zodiac Killer which are named: Arthur Leigh Allen, Jack Tarrance, George Russell Tucker, Louis Joseph Myers, and lastly Earl Van Best Jr. The Zodiac killer is supposed to be captured in the same way as the Golden State Killer. A policeman from Vallejo said results were expected in several weeks in May 2018. Nonetheless, no findings were announced by December 2019.  Two famous quotes from The Zodiac Killer: “The police shall never catch me, because I have been too clever for them.”– Zodiac Killer, and “I want to report a murder... no, a double murder. They are two miles north of Park Headquarters. They were in a white Volkswagen Kharmann Ghia. I'm the one that did it.”– Zodiac Killer.

Work Cited:

 "Zodiac Killer - Letters, Cipher & Suspects - Biography." Famous Biographies & TV Shows. 14 Oct 2017. Web. 13 Dec 2019. <http://www.biography.com/crime-figure/zodiac-killer>.

"Zodiac Killer Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 13 Dec. 2019. <https://www.quotes.net/authors/Zodiac+Killer+Quotes>.

"Zodiac Killer - Wikipedia." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. 12 Dec 2019. Web. 13 Dec 2019. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zodiac_Killer>.

[sharperthewriter]

Chapter 14 of SFV

Chapter 14: Day 1: The Bumblebees Incident

(4:45pm)

The van finally reached the exit to North Platte, NE, but not without suffering more damage. The right side of the van had a couple more dents and scrapes, the hubcap on the right rear wheel was gone, the rear windshield was cracked in the rear, half of the front grille was gone, and the front bumper coming loose and flapping. The car was also covered in syrup, dirt, and prairie grass. This was in addition to the damage of the driver side mirror and the scraping of the left side of the vehicle against the SUV at the Bueno Nacho from earlier. The trailer also had dents on the top and both sides as well.

The clouds, in the meantime, were starting to gather.

"And here we are, Stoppables, North Platte, Nebraska!" Ron exclaimed. "Remind me never to say that phrase 'And nothing will go wrong' ever again!"

Rufus groaned over his owner's poor driving and trashing of the car. Though...the worst was yet to come.

Kim observed the place and said, "Looks like a smaller version of Middleton."

"So now that it's close to five pm, what do you want to do?" Ron asked.

"We'll check into the hotel first and get two rooms. A suite for us and the kids and a room for Mary and Canna" Kim insisted, . "And then we'll get ready to eat at the Bumblebees here."

"I'm right with ya on that strategy, KS!" Ron replied before turning to Rufus. "Now Rufus, watch the kids while Kim and I check in the hotel."

Rufus saluted while his owners went into the hotel lobby.

"We're here for our room." Ron said.

The hotel clerk said to them. "It's room 296, on the other end of the property. As for your other room it's going to be room 294 right next door"

Kim grabbed the hotel key and said, "Thanks! It's so not the drama!"

They parked the van right at the end of the property. Mary and Canna got out of the camper. They also got their suitcases out and, like Kim, they were filled with long denim overalls.

(6:45pm)

The room was actually a suite in which there was a pull-out couch and the kitchenette in one room and the bedroom in the other. The kids were going to occupy the couch while the Stoppable parents had the bedroom. Mary and Canna had a normal hotel room with two twin beds.

Ron and Kim chose the suite for more extra...privacy. As for Rufus, they brought along a small naked mole rat bed for him. Rufus got a little apron bib ready to take on the nachos.

"Okay, Ron." Kim called out from the bathroom. "I'm going to make some changes to my button-down shirt and then we'll go with the kids to the restaurant."

"Alright, KS! Let's see what you look like!" Ron said with anticipation.

Kim loosened the top two buttons to show off a little more cleavage and a b. She also added a couple of long gold and silver chain necklaces to her jewelry and replaced her teardrop earrings with gold hoops. She also swapped out her flats for black booties with a heel on them.

Kim also removed the top side buttons on both side to the leather overalls she was wearing.

Rufus gave a wolf-whistle as well.

"Ooooo! Very nicey! Me like!" Ron grinned devilishly, "The looks are just one thing of your complete package, KS!"

"Why thanks, Ron! Round up the kids and get to the van!" Kim replied "We're going to head to Bumblebees!"

Alexa and Justin were watching Baloney on the TV on their side of the suite before Kim instructed them to turn it off.

Mary and Canna also came out of their hotel room next door. They were in the same outfits as before, but decided together that they were going to wear their dark denim overalls with the bib down but straps attached route and a belt to hold them up and wear simple white tennis shoes.

"You know..." Kim remarked at the way the two women were wearing the overalls. "...I could go for that look on one of the days."

"As long as the belt doesn't fail on you, Kim, you should be good!" Mary remarked.

(15 minutes later)

The sky above them was slowly growing more dark and ominous. The storms were going to appear within a matter of hours.

Kim was at the drivers' seat of the Stoppable-mobile, starting up the engine.

The NWS broadcast was on the radio, informing the two heroes of what was to come.

The National Weather Service of Hastings Nebraska, has issued a Severe Thunderstorm Watch for the eastern portion of Nebraska until 2:30am. Wind gusts of up to 70 mph, rain up to 2-3 inches, and hail up to the size of golf balls is expected with this line of system of storms. Stay weather-alert.

"I think we still should head on over to Bumblebees!." Kim said, "The kids are starting to get cranky for their food."

"As long as they have a vegan menu, we'll be good!" Canna replied.

"Vegan and gluten-free too!" Mary agreed.

(7:15pm)

The Stoppables, Mary and Canna entered into the restaurant. Kim's overall strap was barely hanging onto her shoulder.

She asked the waitress, "Do you have a table for six?"

"Plus one naked mole rat?" Ron asked with Rufus popping out of his pocket.

"Food!" he squeaked.

"We do, Mrs. Stoppable, yes!" the waitress said, "Would you like a table or booth?"

"We prefer the booth!" Kim replied.

"Right this way." the waitress replied to them while getting coloring books and crayons for both Alexa and Justin. She then escorted them to a booth in the middle of the restaurant.

Kim, Ron, and Justin sat on the left side of the booth while Mary, Canna, and Alexa sat on the right.

"Here we are! Your server will be out in a few minutes!" she said before leaving the Stoppables.

(5 more minutes later)

"So what's the general game plan that you're suggesting, Ron?" Kim asked her husband.

"I'd say that once we get to Rapid City, we're going to go for Mt. Rushmore first." Ron replied, pulling up the map of South Dakota on his smart phone.

"But that is a good almost-ten-hour round-trip across almost the entire state!" Kim countered. "Justin and Alexa really do want to see the bears at Bear Country USA.

"Don't worry, KS. We'll stop and get some food and gas on the way there." Ron said as the waitress came to their table.

"Welcome to Bumblebees! What can I get you two to drink?"

"I'll have a cola and my bon-diggety wife here will have a diet tea." Ron said, "The oldest one will have a fruity soda as well."

"Okay, I'll be right out there with your drinks!" the server said.

"So where is the Oh Boyz concert going to be at?" Mary asked.

"Sanford Premiere Center in Sioux Falls!" Kim replied, "It's even got a wine bar!"

"So that's another reason why you wanna go to the concert!" Ron slyly replied.

"Who was your favorite Oh Boyz member?" Canna questioned.

"Hands down, Dexter for his...smarts!" Kim recalled. "It was the time that we saved them from the Senors and that weasel of a manager of theirs."

(10 more minutes later)

"Oooh, it seems that Sheila has sent me a text!" Kim said when she felt a buzz on her phone. She went through her handbag and as she did so, her overalls strap slipped off her shoulder.

It read the following:

Princess,

I found something on PictoGram that you may would want to see. The directors of that live-action movie about you is going to drop some big news tomorrow.

Your friend

Sheila.

"Hmm...it's about time someone released something for that live-action movie." she said, "It's been three months since there was any news about it."

"Maybe they'll keep her plasma powers intact." Ron wondered.

"I think they'll maybe keep the blue skin of Drakken." Kim laughed as the strap was now on her elbow. "Ah, here are our drinks right now!"

The server came to their table and awaited their orders.

"My husband would have the nachos supreme, same with our naked mole rat here, and I would like a Caesar salad." Kim said, "The kids would like to have two grilled cheese sandwiches. As for Canna and Mary, they'll both have the casesar salad too."

"Coming right up." the server said, leaving the table.

"So what else do you wanna talk about?" she asked, pulling the overalls strap back up.

"Maybe the weather?" Ron said while looking out the window.

"That's so the oldest conversation starter in the book!" Kim chuckled.

"No, KS. The weather's gonna go south in a few hours." Ron exclaimed while pointing it out on the doppler. He could see a lot of red associated with the storm, which meant really heavy rainfall. "A really bad storm's headed our way! With big hail and everything! That's what the NWS says!"

"It's so not the drama!" Kim said, blowing off the storm.

"What about the Stoppable-mobile?" Ron asked.

"Rest assured, Ron." Kim reassured him, "The van will make it to the Lipskys!"

(30 more minutes later)

"Oh man... I am stuffed!" Ron exclaimed, holding his stomach. He had already paid for the food.

"I'm glad that I brought along my baggy overalls for the trip." Kim said. "That'll offset whatever pounds I'll put on at the Lipskys."

Kim added as she was standing up. "I'm going to use the ladies' room, Ron. You and Rufus watch the kids!"

"Sure do, KS!" Ron replied.

"Uh-huh!" Rufus squeaked.

Kim left the booth, grabbed her purse, and headed towards the ladies restroom.

(4 more minutes later)

Kim got out of the restroom and she was somewhere between the borderline of angry and embarassed. The rest of the restaurant's patrons were laughing and pointing at her. The servers couldn't help but chortle at her predictament. Even worse was that some of the said patrons were holding up their smartphones, taking pictures and video.

Three of the waiters were then tripped by one occupant of the restaurant near where the Stoppables were at. This resulted in her being drenched with soda and covered in ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, barbecue ribs, chocolate and ice cream all over the front of her one-strap black leather overalls.

"Oh hey...uhm...KS! You look more scrumptious than usual." Ron chuckled nervously.

"Ron...this is so the most embarassing moment of my life!" Kim growled. "I want you to cover my back!"

"Covering your back? I thought you only said that on missions!" Ron said.

Kim groaned and turned her back to Ron to point out the reason why. The right back pocket of the overalls was torn out, showing off Kim's Pandaroo panties and a bit of her back leg.

Rufus, Justin and Alexa couldn't help but laugh. Mary and Canna also joined in on the fun by also taking pictures and video.

"Why couldn't we do that?" Justin asked.

"You're doing what Daddy does!" Alexa giggled.

Ron gasped and asked, "How did that happen?"

"Bathroom door lever got caught against my pocket and...this happened!" Kim grunted with all the chocolate syrup and ice cream dripping off of her.

Rufus was even taking video of this too on his very small smartphone. Ron sighed at his mole rat and said "Why do they even sell small smartphones to mole rats is even beyond me."

"Let's just get out of here before I make a bigger joke of myself!" Kim insisted.

Ron covered up the damaged part of her overalls by him grabbing her behind with his left hand.

Kim sighed, "Why do I even bother?"

"Sorry, show's over! Turn off your smartphones! Nothing to see here!" Ron exclaimed.

Justin, Mary, Canna, Alexa and Rufus followed them out of the restaurant.

"Do you have any duct tape, Ron?" Kim asked when they got in the van.

"I do, in the glove compartment." Ron replied while going to the glove compartment and pulling out the duct tape.

"These overalls cost me $800 from Country CB and now they're ruined!" Kim complained, "I'll have to sew them when we get back home..."

Kim then applied the duct tape to her behind and started the car. The damaged van crept out of the parking lot and headed back to the hotel.

Flashes of lightning were seen in the distance as the storms were heading this way to make the family's night even worse.

The man who tripped over the waiters grinned and spoke through a microphone.

"My Queen, the show has just begun!"

About 200 miles away, Bonnie was enjoying the misery of the Stoppable through her big screen at her mansion.

"Good! Very good!" the Queen snickered, "We'll let the Vacation Curse take its full effect on the family!

"What of the Stoppable-mobile, though?" the man asked.

"We'll put that piece of shit of a minivan through the coals soon enough!" Bonnie grinned, "Now, you will await further orders for the next phase of my plan!"

"Yes, Your Majesty!" the man obeyed.

[lalorrunningclub]

Supporting our runners at Rollercoaster by Megan Hayes

Usually my Saturday mornings are reserved for parkrun, there is not much that gets in the way of this. But on Saturday 23 February I missed parkrun for another running event.

I wasn’t running this event but standing on the sidelines not only representing our amazing run club but also supporting all those running all distances at Rollercoaster trail run.

Friday night saw no flat me, but I had packed my camera, my signs of encouragement or laughter, my bells, the LRC banner and flag, and most importantly a container of snakes. Then off to bed for an early rise.

I can’t remember what time my alarm went off but it was early, before I knew it I was on the road listening to come cracking tunes. I arrived found an awesome park and made my way to the start line.

Then the fun began, met up with many running friends had great chats along the way. Found the amazing LRC runners and hung out listening to all the nervous excitement going though everyone’s conversations. We arranged for group photos and watched the marathoners off, then the half marathoners, and before we knew, it was the 10k runners (our largest contingent).

Then Hamish and I took off to find the perfect place to hang out and cheer, we found our spot on the last hill chosen by Hamish, and we waited.

Before we knew it the 5k runners were running down the hill, our bells were ringing we were cheering. Then we waited again, “ohh look Hamish a runner” and one by one the 5k runners started their way up the hill, then we started seeing some 10k runners run up the hill.

Then an occasional Red bib (22km would appear).....

Ohh look our first Black Bib (44km runner) ohh its Ash Bennett, smiling as always, looking strong and good. Before we knew it he was flying and I mean flying down the hill onto his second loop.

Then we saw the amazing super colours of red and blue, our LRC runners started making their way up the hill some running most walking, some smiling some grimacing, but all were moving. All heard us from the bottom of the hill, and were spurred on by seeing us. We had some great laughs and jokes with many runners.

Hamish was brilliant, using his sweet innocence to support all runners, once he knew what every bib colour meant he found his own unique way to cheer them up the hill. For the 5, 10 and 21 kms he was yelling – “your on your last hill”. At times if I was not ringing my bell he would remind me to ring it for the runners, he would grab a snake and run out to hand it to people as they pass. There were even some runners carrying a blow up doll for a friend who was injured. Hamish thought this was hilarious and both times they passed they stopped for him to give it a high five and a big hug.

We were giving warning to all the runners coming up the hill to keep left as the 44ks were starting their second lap as some of these were flying fast down the hill at great speed.

It was so great seeing the comradery between all the runners on course, everyone was cheering and supporting everyone. Friends were waiting for friends that were struggling. No one was being left behind.

We got lots of smiles, many high fives, a few laughter’s but overall we had an absolute ball. My voice was a little hoarse by the time I left and I was somewhat tired but on a high.

I can 100% recommend standing on the side line and cheering runners along the way. This is the second event where I have been a supporter and I have had so much fun each time. We all know how much a friendly smile, or a cheerful person can make to a runner who is struggling. You can give them a burst of energy to help them make that last little effort to get them to the finish line.

We done to everyone on your awesome achievements, some broke Pbs others attempted the course for the first time. I know I will be back at the same spot come 2020 and hopefully others might join me on the sideline in the future.

[sad-af1121]

Little Did You Know: Part 4

Summary: You thought your upbringing in a mafia home was a difficult time in your life, fighting for the love of Bucky Barnes who didn’t meet your father’s standards. But even when you’ve both stayed away from that chaotic life, the past returns and things get out of hand. The home you both built tumbled harsher as your reality flew out the window and so did your heart.  (Modern AU) Pairing: Ex-Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 1575 Warnings: Angst, heartache, language  A/N:  *Gif Not Mine* I’ve been praying to the writing gods for inspo and luckily was able to edit this baby. Spring break is shitty in Maryland since it’s snowing 😑 Feedback is welcomed 💜

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 

The image of the two would forever be engraved in the back of your mind. You weren’t certain if you’d find peace with it, going through the stages of denial. First the utter confusion. You reminisced about your past years with Bucky, analyzing if you ever gave him a reason to cheat. Did you love him enough? Or tend to his needs? You never doubted your relationship until now and it tore you apart.

Why?

The second was disbelief. That red hair, high cheekbones, slim physique, and beauty made you question yourself. You knew that face and never thought you’d see it again- Dolores or Dot, whatever the fuck it was. You remembered her from a few years back, before you started dating Bucky. He told you what she did to him and how horribly he was treated. You saw what was happening before your very own eyes, yet a part of you refrained from believing it. Maybe it was a bad dream, your worst fears surfacing the clear waters. You didn’t want to believe because if you did, that would mean everything you ever knew about James Buchanan Barnes, was a lie.

What’s going to happen to us?

The third and final stage was coming to terms with it. You had a much bigger responsibility now, taking care and giving your son an abundance of love. He was the only thing that mattered to you and no one else. Nothing was going to come between you two and you were going to make sure of that.

Wiping the last tear that seemed to slip from your eye, you looked down at your little bean who suckled on your nipple, his tiny fingers curled around your pinky. It was way past his bedtime, but his bright blue eyes found yours, grinning as milk dripped down his chin. You smiled, wiping it off with his bib before pulling your nipple out from his mouth and fixing yourself. You placed James on your shoulder, patting him lightly on the back for a burping. Right when he let one out, he farted at the same time, eyes widening in fear.

“Oh my god.” You laughed, rubbing circles on his back. “Gasy are we?” You cooed, resituating him back in your arms.

The cab ride to the airport gave you enough time to change the baby, not wanting him to have a rash. When you arrived at the airport, you requested a private resting area, hoping you’d pull yourself together from earlier events. However, you had your weak moments.

You were fragile like glass, shattered and a mess. It’d take an eternity to fix you.

Watching the time tick away, you currently sat in an excluded lounge, waiting for the boys to arrive. Silence caressed your skin like a cool summer breeze, soothing what was left of your soul and taking away your traumatic nerves. You were glad to be granted this silence, but it made you restless, craving for someone’s presence.

Bucky left about 10 voicemails, 20 text messages and 3 missed video calls within the hour. After the third one, you decided to shut off your phone, tossing it somewhere in the baby bag.

“Y/N.”

Steve’s voice echoed, grabbing your attention instantly. He doesn’t understand what was going on, his features drenched in worry and panic. Frankie and Raul followed behind, walking side by side until they stood right before you.

Your appearance said it all. Makeup ruined the black mascara stain under your eyes and the red nose from the constant wiping. They just needed to know what exactly went down and how serious the situation was.

“Frankie, would ya mind?” You asked, gesturing him to take James from your arms. He hesitantly nodded, strolling over as he took the baby and sat across the room with Raul, both ears train on you.

“What’s goin’ on? C’mon Y/N, you’re scarin’ me.” Steve breathed, stepping forward to grab your hand but you pulled it away before he could. His brows furrowed in confusion, watching your normal demeanor change from what he wasn’t used to.

“Did you know, hm? Did you know he was fucking that trash?” You blurted in anger, holding back the tears that tried to break through again.

Steve cocked his head, “Wha- who?”

You pushed at his chest, making him stumble back, “Bucky. He was fuckin’ Dot when I got to the room! Did you know they were seeing each other!? For how long Steve!?” You shouted, balling your fists and aiming them at his arms.

Steve held onto your wrists, being careful not to hurt you, the news ringing in his ears like a siren. His own heart dropped to his gut and he wasn’t sure if this was a joke.

“No, no! I swear Y/N, I don’t know shit! He was supposed to meet this lady to get some papers and after that, he was gonna hit the hay, I promise I didn’t know!” You answered back, firming his grip on you.

Your eyes watered as they bore into his, looking for any sign that he was lying. But you could tell he was breaking down too, shocked to his every being. Steve was like a brother to Bucky and you and you knew he wouldn’t betray you like this.

Staring at the ground, your hands slowly unwind, dropping to your sides. The lump in your throat grew, making it hard to breathe, the walls closing in around you. Your palms were cold and sweaty, another anxiety attack making its presence. The room felt as though there wasn’t any air, your lungs suffocating as you strained to inhale.

Steve held your close against his body, tears staining his reddened cheeks. He quickly sat you down, rubbing your arms as he tried pulling you out from the horrid trance. “Hey, doll. I’m here, just breathe with me, ok? Look at me.”

Unwillingly, you brought your eyes to Steve’s, crying louder and harder than before. Although you tried holding it back, your chin trembled like a small child, tears raw, emotions raw.  Everyone became silent, the room flooding with grief and disappointment. Clutching Steve’s jacket, you sobbed into his chest till you couldn’t no more, emotionally exhausted. You needed rest and so did everyone else.  

After some time, Steve and you talked some more. He swore he’d get to the bottom of this, making sure Bucky wouldn’t know where you’ve gone off to. Steve was going to protect you from now on, and give you a place to stay at his summer home in Florida. For the sake of the baby and you, he was ready to lose his best friend.

The plane ride back to the coast was numb, just like your thoughts were.

Sleep didn’t welcome you with open arms this time, Bucky’s face appearing whenever you shut your eyes. You remembered when your friends would get cheated on, how devastated they were. Never expecting you’d see yourself in their positions but here you are, the biggest ache in your chest weighed like the world.

Steve was generous enough to take you in and give you a home for the time being. Yet, you’d have to face Bucky one way or another. Contemplating whether or not Bucky should be in James’ life. However, that would be another headache to handle later.

When you arrived at the house, you showered and changed into boy shorts and one of Bucky’s T-shirts. You didn’t bring anything else since you couldn’t sleep without it and now it made your skin crawl. Gripping the hem, you bought the fabric to your nostril, sniffing the musky aroma that had a citrus kick to it. Your eyes fluttered shut, the scent flooding your mind- it only brought pain.  

“Ahem.” Steve coughed awkwardly, knocking on the door. Quickly, you let go of the shirt, wiping your eyes and tucking a wet strand of hair behind your ear. “ Settled in?”

You nodded, “Yes. I really need to sleep though, I feel a migraine coming on.”

“Do you need any Advil or Tylenol? I’m sure I’ve got some.”

“No, Steve. If I really need it, I’ll let you know.” You paused, turning to watch James sleep peacefully in a pacifier in his mouth. “Thank you so much, Stevie.”

Steve waved it off, “Hey don’t. We’re family, no need to thank me. I’m just relieved you’re here rather than by yourself.”

Nodding, you inhaled deeply, taking a seat on the bed. “Did he call you?” You whispered, digging your nails into the flesh of your thighs.

“Yeah uh… he’s panicking. Worried about you and the baby but didn’t tell me what happened. Kinda sounded like he was havin’ a hard time speaking.”

“Oh, I bet he was,” You say bitterly.

“Not like that, sweetie.” Steve sighed, ruffling his hair and peering at the clock. “Get some sleep, please? Your health comes first. We’ll talk some more in the morning.”

You agreed, saying goodnight as he shut the door behind him. Laying on the mattress, you moaned silently, loving the plushness of the bed and how soft it was as you grabbed a couple pillows and propped them against your back. They hugged your form, giving you a sense that someone laid behind you before pulling James closer to your chest.

It wasn’t the same not having Bucky, your heart burning with pain.

You’d just have to get used to it now.

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[jeninthegarden]

The expanded herb garden

Herbs

We forgot to discuss herbs.  I am full up on lavender – 45 plants, a field. We will plant no more lavender on this property.  It smells great and looks great. I cook with it occasionally, mostly with lamb, but it can be used with beef or pork just as you would use rosemary.  Disappointingly, although the lavender is planted just yards in front of my bee hives, the honey bees showed no interest whatsoever in the lavender blossoms.  No lavender flavored honey here.  Too bad because I went through a phase of putting lavender into my coffee with honey, chilled and served over ice. It was very refreshing.

Rosemary and thyme never seem to survive the winter, or more precisely the spring thaw, in the herb garden, so maybe it’s time to start planting them, en masse, elsewhere. Who wouldn’t like to have a rosemary hedge, or a carpet of thyme?  When I plant them this year I will give more careful consideration to where else they might thrive.  We cook with them in almost every dish we eat for dinner.  They go with all meats, and eggs, and beans, and mushrooms and soups. I never grow enough to harvest and dry it. Although, every other year or so I try to bring some indoors in a pot and the plants typically die by Valentine’s Day, on my kitchen counter.

The Egyptian walking onions can go back in the herb garden, but I ordered 30, so I can put some in the orchard, where they will be free to walk, and in the large bed on the front lawn where they will also have room to walk.  They are an incredibly useful plant – the white roots and green stalks can substitute for scallions, while the topsetting bulbs can be used like shallots and the curling shoots on the topsetting bulbs are like garlic scraps.

As I mentioned previously, the chives are destined for the orchard. They tolerate shade so they can be planted close around the tree trunks, although these saplings won’t create much shade for a few years yet.

And a tarragon plant I had for several years did not survive transplanting, so I ordered a new one from Burpee.  One plant is quite enough since we only ever use it in chicken salad or tuna salad.

Lovage.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before.  I planted some lovage (a perennial, cutting celery that is apparently more closely related to carrots) at least 10 years ago, in the herb bed, and it came back year after year.  It is very strong tasting so it really only goes into soup. And this past summer I decided it is too tall (6 feet) to be growing so close to the house.  It obstructs the view.  So I divided it and moved it around.  I’m waiting to see if it comes back this year in any of the places I transplanted it.  It clearly does not need very good soil – the soil in the herb bed is rocky and full of clay. It is so resilient I feel obliged to grow it.

Mullein.   Fuzzy Mullein is a medicinal weed. It is indestructible.  I have seen it growing on railroad tracks.  It is used to treat asthma and respiratory complaints.  You can make tea from the blossoms.  I just like the shape and texture.  The first summer we moved into this house, in 2004, a single, stray mullein sprouted on the back edge of the property, just out of reach of the lawnmower.  And the next year I found little mullein seedlings in the lawn nearby and moved them to safety in the flower bed. And ever since, I’ve been moving them around, culminating in a giant mullein I settled in the great hugel in 2019 which in 2020 grew to a 4 foot in diameter, rosette of green velvet leaves that put up an 8 foot flower stalk as thick as my wrist. They are so hardy and dramatic looking there will always be room for plenty of them in my yard.      

Oregano is everywhere now, as is the lemon balm. Ironically, we rarely use either in cooking, even the oregano because we have a large container of dried oregano that just never runs out.  But, also ironically, the honey bees really like the blossoms on both of these plants, and these plants bloom more than once per season.  I am suspicious that, even though the articles I’ve read say bees are attracted to the color blue, honeybees prefer white or green blossoms to anything else.

Cilantro and borage are two annual herbs I never have to plant again.  They self-seed and come back every year, all over the place.  I’m not one of the 4-14% of the general population to whom cilantro tastes like soap. Cilantro is one of those few tastes that I did not grow up with and therefore have a very clear memory of the first time I ever tasted it. It was a totally new and unique taste and I really liked it.  It tasted effervescent and fresh and it tastes like the color green. It has to be eaten raw.  Borage is a cucumber flavored herb that also has to be eaten raw, but also very young because it develops spines. If it flowers, pretty little blue, star-shaped blossom clusters, then the leaves are too stiff and prickly to eat. But the blossoms are edible and have the same great flavor, and look nice in salads or as garnish.

I’ve been rather unsuccessfully growing mint all these years. It is a weed and it really should flourish. But in 2014 it died out entirely from a black spot fungus that infested the shade side of the herb garden. I had to treat the soil with neem oil for several years to be rid of the fungus.  Now, as a precaution, I bury any penny minted before 1976 (because the old ones were totally copper and copper spray is a cure for lots of plant funguses) in the shaded herb bed.  The past few years I have replanted the mint, along the patio wall where it has limped along. And then, this past summer I found it is growing wild in the left back corner of my property, at the edge of the great hugel.  

I have two large clumps of hyssop in the hugel already, so no need for more of that. It has great, purple blossoms all summer long, the bumblebees love it, and the honey bees ignore it. It is “Anise” Hyssop but I have never yet attempted to eat it.  I think it is used for tea.

Milk thistle is also happily established in the hugel and I will have to watch it and make sure it does not spread.  I originally planted it because it has a large taproot that can be roasted like a vegetable, but I have not yet tried to eat it.  It is very pretty, about a foot high with distinctive holly-like, green and white striped leaves, and a purple bloom.  

I’m trying to overwinter the parsley in the garden, and I even have a row of root parsley (which has a strong taproot that grows to the size of a small carrot) overwintering – parsley is a biannual.  We eat lots of it.  It goes into a lot of dishes, but I also like making chimichurri sauce, which is parsley pesto with lots more garlic. It goes well on grilled chicken or steak.

Sage is a hardier than rosemary and thyme.  It lasts 3-4 years in the herb garden but is always small.  So this year I will plant two patches in the hugel.  

Nasturtiums, of course, are in my top five all-time favorite plants to grow. The leaves and blossoms are edible. It has a fresh peppery flavor but also a succulence. The plants are excellent companion for lots of different vegetables and I plant them everywhere.

Have I babbled about basil?  I have discovered that basil does best in part sun part shade.  It can be heat sensitive and needs water.  That is why it is recommended to plant it under tomato plants.  There are so many types of basil to choose from. I like purple basil. It has a stronger smell than green basil.  I like Thai basil; it has a stronger, more licorice flavor and stands up to heat (both BTUs and Scovilles) better.  I like lettuce leaf basil, with leaves like bib lettuce, big enough to wrap cheese and bruschetta into basil leaf tacos.  And then there is holy basil, an herb used more medicinally, in tea. It has a stronger, smokier flavor, like the lapsang souchong of basils.  So, which basil did I choose? Choose?  Trick question -there is no choosing.  They each have a completely different use, so I have to have them all!

And from the boundless basil, we will now digress into pure flights of fancy.

Green ginger, that’s its nickname.  Its proper name is wormwood.  It is used to create absinthe (no idea how and no intention of attempting it).  But it is flowering perennial – “feathery grey-green foliage and bright yellow flowers” - so into the great hugel it goes.  It is supposed to be quite bitter raw, and it is suggested that it be used in aromatic bitters.  Medicinal qualities are dubious. Most articles insist that it is NOT a hallucinogenic, and that it IS somewhat of an anti-inflammatory.    

Angelica, a biannual that looks a bit like Queen Anne’s Lace, but with a thick, celery-like stalk, and in fact is a member of the celery family.  It likes total shade. It reportedly has medicinal qualities; the Chinese variety of it is known as Dong Quai (Angelica sinensis), a stimulant. I’m not getting that variety.  I am planting Angelica archangelica (Holy Ghost), of Norwegian origin. It is another purported anti-inflammatory, anti-fungal.  I have grown it in the past just to fill up shady spots.  But I have not yet eaten it.  Its flavor has been likened to juniper berries. It is suggested to be used to: “flavor fish, poultry, cooked fruits, soups, or stews, while its stems can be cut and prepared like asparagus, chopped and stewed with rhubarb and apples, minced in preserves and marmalade, or candied”.

Anise.  Why, since I have anise hyssop, would I need to grow anise?  It is yet another member of the carrot-celery-parsley family. Medicinally, it sounds a lot less dubious than some others.  It contains manganese and iron. It is anti-fungal/anti-bacterial. It sooths and prevents stomach ulcers. It is an anti-inflammatory. And it is a tasty spice used in sweets and pastries.  Right now, I like crushed anise seeds on top of my expresso or cappuccino. Anise Hyssop is more bitter and smokier/menthol tasting, more suited for tea.

Fenugreek.  This is a new one that I encountered at our farmer’s market this summer.  I ended up stir-frying it like an Italian escarole/broccoli rabe, and stewing it in a curry sauce like spinach.  It’s sort of the texture of spinach and, although it is supposed to be slightly sweet and nutty in taste, I found it to be like a mildly bitter oregano.  In theory the seeds taste like maple syrup. Medicinally, it is purported to lower blood sugar and cholesterol and help skin conditions.  It belongs to the bean family of plants.  

Caper bush. Capparis spinose is the blooming bush commonly called “Flinders Rose”, which is interesting because caper berries look a lot like large rose hips. You typically eat the flower buds pickled.  The plant is a perennial that belongs in a rock garden. It is also a hybrid of several other distinct species in its family. It belongs to the Brassicales order of plants, and is related to mustard and cabbage plants. There are no known medicinal properties.  It’s perennial, so hopefully I only have to plant it once.  It tolerates poor soil and drought so it can be planted where a lot of things can’t.  We cook with capers regularly. I have even pickled nasturtium buds as a substitute, so I’m very interested in the real capers.  And I like pickled caper berries in my martinis.

Sesame.   I like tahini.  I like sesame seeds toasted and sprinkled on yogurt.  A flowering plant first domesticated on the sub-continent of India, it is the world’s oldest seed-oil crop.  It purportedly can lower blood pressure.  It is an annual that prefers dry, hot weather. So I will plant it in the raised garden bed this year. An added advantage of that location is that it is close to the bee hives, and the flowers of the sesame plant are supposed to be very attractive to honey bees specifically.  I have doubts, since the pictures I have seen all show big, tubular flowers that are purple.  I think they are going to be more attractive to bumble bees than to honey bees.

Black Cumin.  Otherwise known as Black Seed, it is rumored to have almost as many miraculous health benefits as marijuana.  But none of those claims are scientifically proven. But then again, no financial interests are served by promoting naturally existing medicines that can’t be patented and sold for lots of money. I just eat the seeds for their flavor.  I like toasted cumin seeds on melted cheese, in my cereal, and on buttered toast.  There are two different plants referred to as “black cumin”.  I am planting Nigella sativa.  It is a member of the buttercup family along with delphiniums, clematis and hellebors. This is a historical spice – seeds were found in a Hitite(!) flask in Turkey dating to 2000 BC. It is a flowering annual sometimes called “Love in the Mist” and the plant looks a lot like dill or comos to me. It is quick growing and is advised to be sown every three weeks mid April through mid June, and then again August 15 and September 15 for continual bloom.  I think I’m more interested in a consolidated, early harvest and maybe a second fall planting to allow it to self seed for next year.    

Feverfew.  Also a member of the aster family, but much prettier, and more compact.  Someone in my garden swap group traded me a feverfew for some mullein last summer.  It was lovely (coin sized, white, daisy like flowers) and the honey bees liked it. Supposedly it will self-seed.  So I’m waiting to see if it comes back.  It is used medicinally to treat migraine headaches.  I don’t suffer those so for me it is purely ornamental (and pollinator friendly). Maybe it ends up in my honey and adds to the relief from pollen allergies by adding head-ache relief.

Crocus.  A flower, yes, but I bought the giant fall blooming variety from which the stamens are harvested (with tweezers) and dried into saffron. We use it in risotto and paella. And this time, I carefully planted it in the orchard, unlike the hundreds of crocus I have planted in my front lawn that spring up every spring only to be eaten and re-eaten by deer any time they get taller than an inch.  And because they are fall blooming I am concerned about avoiding planting over them in the spring, or letting weeds completely overtake the spots where I planted them, so with each clump of 10 crocus bulbs I planted one, large daffodil bulb so I will have a daffodil flag marking each spot in the spring that I can replace with a permanent marker in the summer.

French Sorrel: I have two large, perennial patches of it, but other than the first, tender, spring leaves, it is fit for nothing but soup; I must resist the temptation to add it to salad

And, of course, I forgot to mention a couple of additional herbs I decided to grow. I really do not wish to make my own medicines, so there are some heavy weight medicinal herbs I’m NOT growing.  But there are a couple more culinary herbs I am going to attempt to grow - attempt is the operative word because they are annual and tropical.

Culantro - not to be confused with Cilantro (soapy tasting, Mexican parsley). Culantro looks like dandelion leaves, grows in a rosette and supposedly tastes like a mix of sorrel, cilantro and arugula.  It is biannual and pungent enough to stand up to high heat cooking and stewing, whereas cilantro is used raw or just to finish or garnish a dish.  Culantro figures in Vietnamese and Cuban cooking and pairs well with dishes that include beef.

Roselle - is Indian Hibiscus.  It’s perennial in the tropics. It grows 4 feet high. The stems can be used as a jute substitute in burlap or rugs. The buds and flowers can be used as a natural red food coloring or dye, they have a sweet and sour flavor and are used to make chutney and a wide variety of hot and cold beverages. The leaves are cooked and eaten as a spicy, peppery spinach. They hold up well to heat and are used in curry dishes and to season bean dishes.

Shiso - is that flat, basil like leaf with a serrated edge that often appears as a garnish in your sushi order.  It has a very delicate cucumber, lemon and licorice flavor.  Excellent with raw or cooked fish.  A relative of mint and basil, it is suggested you can substitute it into any cocktail that calls for mint.  Doesn’t hold up to heat so well.  You can blend it for salad dressing, or dipping sauce for tempura, and you can make raw shiso pesto to serve over fish.

[thenearsightedmonkey]

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Tales from the Purple Room

Lynda Barry

(Names have been changed)

Today there was a long faculty meeting so I don’t  arrive until after 11. The Purple Room kids are heading out to play and I follow them. Barney and Alan are standing on their toes, looking into one of the windows of the building. They are watching some adults in a meeting.

  Elaine sees me and runs over. She says, “Where is your school?”  Several kids follow her and ask me the same question. They know I go to school somewhere, but they don’t quite know where.  Alan points through the window at the people in the meeting.  He says,  “That’s my school.”

I think about the faculty meeting I just left.  It was in a windowless room with bad lighting and it ran for a little more than two hours.  I think about how happy I would have been to see Barney and Elaine and Alan and other Eagle’s Wing kids peeking in at us.

Anders and Otis run by saying, “Come on!”  We all fall in behind them, running in a big circle around the climber a few times, then we all climb it.  I’m able to fit on the blue spiral slide and suddenly going down it is so pleasant that I forget everything.  I’m just going down a slide in the sunshine with my favorite people in the world calling to each other happily and running all around.  My head feels clearer all of a sudden and I feel the extreme fatigue I came in with lift away. I remember my DrawBridge students talking about this. It’s one of the most extraordinary things about spending time at Eagle’s Wing. No matter how tired I am when I get there, I become energized.  What makes this possible?

           Barney and Elaine want to write.  They see my Flair pens and the index cards I keep in the bib pockets of the Carhart’s overalls I always wear when I visit  (called my ‘crawling suit’ by one purple room friend) It strikes me that today they all are talking about writing.  All of them want to ‘write’ something.  Writing means different things to each of them.  For Elaine it means writing the alphabet. She writes rows of ‘a’ and then ‘b’ and then ‘c’.  When she finishes, she tells me she is going to write the alphabet backwards and makes a row of ‘z’s. She spends the next 10 minutes doing just that, asking me what letter comes next. When I was little, I memorized the alphabet backwards so I know. Z Y X W V U-- Anders wants to tell me a story and asks me to write it down.

This is the story:  “Once upon a time there was a monster and there was a hole and there was a black box and the hole was in the black box. It was getting dark and then the hole in the black box was getting bigger. And then it got darker and darker and darker and then the hole in the black box got bigger and bigger and bigger until the black box exploded. But in the box there was a tiny tiny jewel.  And then the monster picked up the jewel and there was a word on the back. And it was called “All Spark”

He has me read it back to him several times.  I’m pointing to each word as I say it.  He takes the story cards and borrows one of my pens and a little bit later he says “Look.”   I see a figure drawn on the back of the cards.

“It’s the monster,” he says.

Then Barney asks to tell me a story and wants me to write it down.

“Once upon a time there was a google eye and then there was an eye and then there was a monster with so many google eyes and he walked with his google eyes, and a necklace,  and then there were two little kids and it was getting darker and darker and darker and then actually they heard, “Boom! Boom! Boom!”  And then,  “Boom! Boom! Boom!” And they had guns and it was a monster and they said, “Go away monster!” but that didn’t work so they got the guns out and shooted him and he bleeded and bleeded and bleeded and then his mom called and called. And then the end.”  

He takes one of the story cards and on the back he starts drawing ‘a map to the monster’ so the mother can find him.  Later he draws another map on an index card and he tapes it to the front of my bib overalls. He tells me it’s a map to my house so I won’t get lost when I leave.

           J.J. draws on both sides of an index card. He says, “Both sides make different noises.”  He points to a long jagged pink and green shape and says, “This is electricity noise.” He asks me to write it on the card.  On the other side are two longer scribbles, also green and pink.  He wants me to write the noise they made.  They went, “Buh buh buh buh buh aaaaght!” Several other kids come along and pull index cards out of my bib pockets and start writing.

 Colton is writing jokes.  He hands me an index card with lots letters written on it, along with “Colt”. He asks me to read it out loud and I realize he is testing me. He knows exactly where the ‘Colt’ is on the page and makes sure I read it and all the letters before it and all the letters after it. Then he wants me to say the whole word.  Then he turns it over and says “This is the funny part.” There are about four ‘o’s and a ‘u’ stacked on top of each other.  (oooh you!)

The thing is, when I ‘read’ the ‘funny part’ out loud we all start laughing really hard. I can’t say why, but it was one of the funniest things that happened during this too short visit.  Before I leave for the day Barney hands me  me one more index card.  It’s another joke.

This is what it looked like. (last photo)

[sarahjane0886]

Fix A Heart 31

Chapter 31 - Better Place

**Disclaimer, the middle has a R rating…skip if it you don’t like it please!

I see the whole world in your eyes It’s like I’ve known you all my life We just feel so right So I pour my heart into your hands It’s like you really understand You love the way I am And ah ah ah ah ah, you’re my favorite thing Ah ah ah ah ah, all the happiness you bring But it feels like I’ve opened my eyes again And the colors are golden and bright again And the sun paints the skies and the wind sings her song It’s a better place since you came along It’s a better place since you came along  

“Alright sugar, let’s see if you can do this.” Sharna said standing Bella up by the sofa for probably the 10th time that day. Bella had been showing signs that she was going to be walking soon and Sharna was determined to witness it.

“Ahhh!” The little one shrieked in delight as Sharna moved a few steps away.

“Come on baby, come see mommy.” Sharna said holding her arms out to the little one. Bella bounced slightly and giggled but the second she let go of the couch, she plopped directly on her butt and scrambled to her mother.

“Princessssss.” Val said laughing from the hallway. Sharna had been working on this with Bella all day and he had been teasing her all day.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go tonight. What if….” Sharna said tickling Bella as she scrambled away to find one of her balls.

“Babe, we’re going. We need an us night. This is our Valentine’s Day. She’s going to be fine with Maks and P.” Val said sitting behind Sharna and wrapping his arms around her. She leaned back into them as Bella came rushing back to the two wanting in on the cuddle session.

“Mamamamama. Ug! Dadadadadada” Bella chirped as she climbed up Sharna.

“Come here love bug.” Sharna said cuddling her up tightly. “What if she walks tonight Val, I don’t want to miss it.”

“I don’t either princess but we can’t stop life because it might happen. She’ll do it when she’s ready. And honestly, I don’t think it’s going to be Maks, Peta, or Shai’s main goal tonight. They are going to be so focused on playing that I doubt the last thing that they’ll be doing is seeing if she can walk.”

“What if she misses us? She’s never been away from us for that long. And never at bedtime.” Sharna said as Bella turned around and curled back into Sharna, playing with her ball and Sharna’s hands.

“Then they’ll call us. She loves being with them. We’re dropping her off right before dinner. And we’ll pick her up first thing in the morning. If she gets upset, we’ll go get her. We’re only 10 minutes away with the exception of dinner.”

“You aren’t worried about being away from her?”

“Yes, babe, of course I am. But I know how worried you are. I also know she’s ready. She knows she’s loved, she’s not been having her anxiety moments anymore. She knows she’s safe. As much as we need this, she needs this too. It’ll show her that even if we go away we come back.” Val said as he ran his fingers through Sharna’s hair.

“Maybe if you told me where dinner was, I would be calmer.” She said with a smirk. Whenever he had come up with the idea of the Valentine’s Day date and convinced Sharna to be on board, he took charge of the planning and therefore additionally kept it all a secret. She had been trying to squeeze it out of him for days on end.

“Princess! You’re not using our daughter to swindle the location of tonight’s dinner out of me are you??” He said tickling her, including Bella as well. Her giggles filled the air mixed with her mother’s making Val’s heart swell.

“Maybe I am, but fine. You have to promise to let me check in on her.” Sharna said once the tickle fest ended.

“You know I will. Now, let’s get this one ready and then head out.” Val said laughing gently as he saw the pout on Sharna’s face. He knew she was worried about leaving but at the same time knew Bella would be great with her aunt, uncle, and cousin.

“I have to get ready too.” Sharna said attempting to delay the inevitable.

“Nothing fancy, but then I’ll take this one. Casual babe.” Val reminded her. He was taking her to a lighthouse restaurant that overlooked the ocean. It was known for its delicious food but casual attire. He figured it would be a good throwback to their lighthouse weekend during Sharna’s initial therapy sessions.

“But…” Sharna said.

“Go babe, we’ll be fine. You can check the bag when I’m done.”

“Alrighty, you go have fun with daddy, make sure he picks you cute pjs and a cute outfit for tomorrow munchkin.” Sharna said as she kissed her baby and handed her over to Val.

“I think I can handle this. Come on love bug.” Val said cuddling Bella into him. “Casual babe.”

“Okay.” She smiled as she leaned in to kiss him and Bella before walking to their room. She picked a pair of medium blue jeans with a gray sweater, gray boots, and a teal long scarf. She had a black purse that she choose as well. She assumed Val was wearing what he had on and they knew would complement each other well. He had on a black sweater with dark jeans. She straightened her hair and did her make up light. She made sure she had what she needed before going to find her husband and daughter.

“Alright little princess, so mommy and I are going to go on a date tonight. You’re going to hang out with Aunt Peta and Uncle Maks. Shai will be there too. He’s so excited to play with you all night. You’re going to sleep over there which when you are older, you’ll know is a fun word. Right now it might be a little scary because it’s your first time that you’ll sleep somewhere else without us but I promise, we’ll pick you up right away in the morning and you’ll have the best time ever okay?” Val said as he rocked Bella in her rocker. Sharna watched from the doorway smiling just enjoying the two together.

“That you will. Now did daddy pack you good stuff?” Sharna said after a few more moments of letting them enjoy their time together.

“Tell her we packed you your favorite pjs and two pairs of backups, a sweater and leggings for tomorrow and a backup outfit as well. We put in two of your books just in case even though Shai always shares and we packed your blanket and puppy and some other toys too. We just gotta grab your formula and bottles from the kitchen and a bib. We veered off from packing to have some cuddle time.” Val said with a wink. Bella gurgled in response before holding her hands up to Sharna who scooped her up and made her giggle as she pressed kisses to her cheeks.

“Looks like daddy was right, you two did handle it well. I guess it’s time to take you to your sleepover, huh? Let’s go grab those things and we’ll head out.” Sharna said as she followed Val out of the room. They gathered the remaining objects and headed to Maks & Peta’s. The drop off went well considering Bella started playing with Shai nearly immediately and forgot her parents were there. She even shrieked in protest when they scooped her up to say goodbye.

“She’ll be good.” Val said as they got in the car. Sharna had been decently quiet since they left the house. Once he was in and buckled, he took her hand before they set off towards dinner.

“I know, it’s just a milestone. And I hate leaving her. But you’re right and I am excited for our night together.” She said squeezing his hand.

“Good, I get it. I’m worried too but I want us to be able to enjoy this.” He said as he headed out of their town.

“Do I get to know where we’re going now?” She said with a wink.

“Nope, not til we are there. Right now is about us and relaxing.” He said turning the music up just a little and running his thumb back and forth across her hand. She sighed but sunk into the seat and enjoyed her time with her husband. Since Bella had come into their lives, they hadn’t had much time alone. Neither had minded because Bella was the best thing that happened to them however some good quality time alone was much enjoyed. They drove for a bit before turning on a road that ran along the bay.

“Are we going….Val?” Sharna said with a gasp. She saw the lighthouse looming head and knew where they were going.

“I thought it would be a perfect follow up to our mini vacation a while ago.”

“It is perfect. Oh my goodness, I love you.” She said happily.

“I love you too.” He said as he pulled in. He made her wait as he came around and opened her door. He led her into the restaurant where their table was already set up. On Sharna’s seat there was a bouquet of red roses.

“Valentin!” She said as she picked them up and held them.

“It’s been awhile since I bought you flowers.” He said with a wink pulling out the chair and letting her sit down. He took the flowers and placed them on the seat across from her before settling next to her. He pointed out the window where the sun was setting over the bay.

“It’s gorgeous. I love this.” She said as she leaned against his body. His arm wrapped around her as they watched the sunset in silence. Eventually the waitress came and took their orders but the rest of the evening went smoothly. Sharna checked on Bella who was sleeping peacefully in her pack & play in Shai’s room. Peta promised to alert her if anything happened over the evening but promised that Bella had been happy all evening.

“She’s good?” Val asked as she pulled into their driveway.

“She’s good.” Sharna said with a small smirk. She was waiting for Val to say I told you so but was pleasantly surprised that he didn’t.

“Good, now let’s go in. I want to make sure her momma is good as well.” Val said with a seductive wink. Additionally with the lack of quality time, they had been lacking on romantic time as well. They had become inventive at times but it seemed like Bella had a timer and knew when her parents were getting ready to become intimate. This evening however, their little timer was missing so the two would get to definitely enjoy being lovers tonight rather than parents.

“Stay here.” Val said as they entered the house. He wanted to set up their bedroom.

“Valllll.” Sharna whined and teased. Now that she had the opportunity to just be with her husband she wanted it to start immediately.

“Trust me, 5 minutes, tops. I love you.” He said kissing her before running away. Sharna groaned and sent a quick text to Peta letting her know they were home and to call their cells if needed or the house phone. She texted back to stop worrying along with a picture of Bella curled up in the corner of her pack and play. She was cuddling her puppy and her little bum was up in the air. She smiled and sent back thanks as well as loves for Bella.

“My lady?” Val said appearing in the stairwell. He held his hand out to her and she took it gratefully. He led her up to the bedroom before stopping in front of their door. He opened the door slowly and Sharna gasped in appreciation. There were candles lit everywhere and Val had strung some lights around their dresser. There was another bouqet of flowers on Sharna’s bedside table. This time it was lilies which were Sharna’s favorite. She could smell her favorite lavender bath bubbles in the air and looked at him with wide eyes.

“You’re going to?” She asked amazed. They very rarely took baths together. One, there just wasn’t time for that and two, he wasn’t fond of smelling like her lavender bubbles.

“I have no doubt that I’ll be doing that tonight.”

“Sharna May, are you insinuating…..” Val said with a look.

“Yes, yes I am.” She said as she leaned up and kissed him hard on the lips. Her tongue slipping into his mouth. He reacted quickly kissing her back just as hard his tongue battling with hers. She slipped her hands under his sweater wanting it off him immediately.

“Whoa, the bath.” He said attempting to slow her motions.

“After, it’ll still be there after. I need you.” She said realizing just how much she was craving his body to be connected with hers.

“Mmmmhhh.” He moaned as she nipped his neck. He raised his arms and helped her pull his shirt off before pulling hers off as well. Their mouths melted together again as they both furiously worked on each other’s pant buttons. Finally they were both undressed and fell onto the bed. Val slide them up as his hand caressed up Sharna’s side. His fingers making goosebumps rise all over her flesh as she shivered under his touch.

“Valll.” She called reaching for his face. He was next to her in a moment and their lips were together again. His knee pressed between her legs easing them apart so he could slide into her. He nipped her lip as he slid into her, connecting their bodies.

“Princess.” He murmured gruffly as they began to move. They went slow wanting to enjoy the feeling. Val came first but ensured that Sharna followed soon there after. The night continued with the bath, massages that turned into more love making, a shower, and a final round before the two collapsed into their bed, happily satiated and thoroughly exhausted.

The next morning Val woke to Sharna’s lips against his as her body moved overtop of him. Before his eyes were completely open, her hips descended on his and she connected their bodies.

“Holy…..” He said as his head tipped back in appreciation at the motion. She leaned back allowing him to fill her fully as she groaned as well. His hands found her hips and helped her keep her position as they started to move against one another. Due to the spontaneity of the experience, Val didn’t last long at all and with the new position, Sharna came almost immediately with him as she felt him fill her. She collapsed forward on his chest attempting to catch her breath. He went to slip out of her but she stopped him.

“Just, stay.” She said between breaths. There was something so intimate about remaining connected like that. She knew it couldn’t last long but she wanted to enjoy it while she could.

“Someone was very fiesty this morning.” Val said once his breathing calmed and he ran his hands up and down her back.

“Did you not like it?” Sharna asked sassily.

“Oh, no babe, I loved it. Best way to wake up.” He said tipping her chin up to press his lips to hers.

“Definitely.” She said as her phone vibrated on the night stand. Val reached for it and handed it to her. She slipped off his body and tucked into him.

“P? Bells okay?”

“Yeah, it’s P. She said they are all up and Bella is fine but asking for us. We should probably go soon.” She said as she texted Peta back that they’d be there in less than a half hour.

“Half hour….that mean you’re showering with me?” Val teased. Sharna giggled and then left him in the bed heading to the bathroom in all her glory. Once she got to the doorway, she turned around and gave him the come here look. It took him all of 2 seconds to leap from the bed and join his wife in the shower.

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“Ahh, there’s my little sugar, come here baby.” Sharna said as she and Val appeared in Maks and Peta’s kitchen. Bella was in Shai’s old high chair while Shai sat in Peta’s lap helping feed her. Evia was in Maks’s arms eating her breakfast as well.

“Mamamama!” Bella shrieked happily when she saw Sharna and Val in the doorway. Shai jumped off Peta’s lap and bolted for his aunt and uncle.

“Aunt Sharna! Uncle Val! I helped with Bella & Evia! They were both really good.” Shai said as Sharna caught him in her arms.

“Thank you, I’ll bet you were the best helper ever.” Sharna said as she moved over to her daughter.

“I was. Momma said I’m a great baby sitter.” Shai said proudly.

“That you are, but I’m thinking Aunt Sharna might wanna say hi to Bella. And I think Bella might climb out of the highchair if we don’t let her get to her Mommy.” Peta said stealing Shai back into her lap as he giggled. Sharna unhooked the high chair top and scooped up her girl.

“Ohh, I missed you sooo much!” Sharna said as she cuddled her in tight. Bella began to babble in Sharna’s face, her arms flying.

“I think she’s telling you what we did Aunt Sharna.” Shai said watching his cousin as he giggled.

“What about me little princess? Did you miss me too?” Val said appearing behind his wife. Bella’s eyes grew wide as she shrieked again and dove for her father. Val caught her easily. She cuddled into him for a minute but then began her rambles all over again. The group laughed at the excited little one. Evia started to yammer as well and it seemed like the little ones were telling their own stories. The group relocated to the living room to hang out for a bit before Sharna and Val needed to head home.

“Alrighty, tell Aunt Peta thank you.” Sharna said as she put Bella’s coat on. Val was with Maks and Shai as Shai showed him one of his latest Lego creations. Bella kept up her senseless babble, throwing some words in there that sounded like Thank you.

“Ohh, you’re welcome. You can stay here any time.” Peta said stealing the little one and cuddling her.

“Tell her, she’s gotta come help Mommy get all the stuff for you birthday.” Sharna said with a wink as she took Bella back.

“Ahh, I can’t believe she’s going to be 1!” Peta said as she made sure she had everything in the bag for Sharna.

“I know! And the party is in 2 weeks, there’s so much to do.” Sharna said as she cuddled Bella who was getting sleepy against her.

“Well, you wanna plan to go get stuff tomorrow? Maks can keep Shai or his parents can. I may have to bring Evia though.”

“That’s fine. Bells will probably come with me. No offense cause I trust you guys but leaving her the first night was a bit rough.”

“Oh, I get that. I’m not looking forward to the first night with Evia. It helps that it’s with people you trust but still.”

“For sure. Val and I will be happy to keep the little monkey whenever you decide you’re ready. And tomorrow sounds great. I have a list all ready. It’s mostly basics and décor. Val and I talked, I’m going to have it catered. So on our end it’s going to be decorating, and preparing the house especially with everyone coming in.”

“That’s easy, we can help with that too. You have room for your parents right? We have two extra rooms so if Maddy or Kirby or anyone needs a room.” Peta reminded her.

“Right, that’s perfect. If you’re good with it, I may tell Maddy. Her and the kids and Jeff would probably be the easiest. Especially since you have 2 rooms.”

“Yeah, we’re good with it. I already told Maks that I was going to offer and he said he was going to tell Val too. His parents have room too if Kirby wants to stay with them. We all have room so there’s no sense in people paying for hotel rooms unless that’s what they want. I know it’s hard being with strangers too. But we’ll all be together for the majority of the time anyways.” Peta said shrugging.

“Thanks, I will let them know for sure. I know none of them have much money and we’ve offered to help but they all want to come and yeah.”

“It’s perfect timing honestly. They are coming for her party and everything. It works so well. I’m glad they are able to do it.”

“Me too. I just want it to be the perfect celebration of her.” Sharna said as she rubbed Bella’s back. She was pretty much out at this point.

“It will be. I promise.” Peta said smiling at her best friend.

“Are you….ohhh…looks like someone is out.” Val said as he saw his daughter.

“Yeah, she passed out when we put her jacket on. Let’s hope the car transition isn’t too bad.” Sharna said. Bella had never been a huge fan of the car. She tolerated it but waking her up during nap time to be put in the car spelled disaster.

“Is taking her coat off easier?” Peta asked softly.

“Typically….” Sharna trailed off confused.

“Why don’t you guys just hang here for a bit? Val you were going to home to work on class stuff right? You can use the study if you need. Shar we can figure out a game plan for tomorrow. We’ll just do dinner here.” Peta suggested. Sharna looked at Val to see if he minded and shrugged.

“Works for me. I just have to finish up the details for the spring promos. Most of it’s in my emails.” Val said.

“Looks like we’re staying. You sure you don’t mind? Did you guys have stuff to do today?” Sharna asked Peta.

“Nope, it was going to be a quiet day here. It’s perfect, I promise. And it’s the weekend.” Peta reminded her.

“Okay. Val, will you help me?” Sharna said not wanting to leave Bella in her coat the whole time. He helped her get the coat off the little one and then headed to the study to do his work. Peta sent Sharna to the living room to settle with Bella while she let Maks know what was going on. Then the two girls spent the next hour and a half figuring out everything they needed to pick up the next day. Sharna had settled on a Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star birthday. She had been looking for different baby themes and came across that one and fell in love. So they were going to be getting lots of star themed things with pink and gold accents. While she was having the party catered and the cake made, she wanted to do a lot of the rest herself. Thankfully Peta was more than happy to help.

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The next two weeks went by quickly and family and friends started arriving for Bella’s birthday. They were all so excited to meet the little one or see how much she had grown since they had seen her last. Sharna was proud of her little girl. She was handling all the new people and chaos so well. She liked to know Sharna and Val were in the room when she was meeting new people or even when she was playing or exploring but she was in such a different place than a year ago. It was quite the miracle for Sharna to see.

“Go get mommy, go get her Bells.” Sharna heard Val’s voice the morning of Bella’s birthday. She felt the bed dip slightly beside her and then felt her daughter next to her.

“Mamamamamamama. Up. Up. Up.” Bella’s voice echoed as she patted Sharna’s cheek and tugged at the covers.

“Who’s waking me up?” Sharna said as she snatched Bella and began to tickle her. Bella’s giggles filled the room as her mother’s fingers worked their magic. Finally she relented and just pulled Bella into her lap as she cuddled her.

“Here’s her bottle.” Val said as he settled in next to the two. He had headed off to go make the bottle after Sharna had started the tickle session. He figured they could use some family quiet time before they day started and everyone was there.

“Ohh, yeah. Good idea. Here you go sugar. It’s your birthday. I can’t believe you’re one year old today!” Sharna said as she gave Bella the bottle and then adjusted her so she was snuggled into her. She looked at Val with a sad look and he moved over cuddling both his girls.

“I know, it’s kinda crazy. This past year went so fast. We didn’t know if you’d even be with us right now but you are. You’re right where you belong little princess.” Val said as he ran his finger along her cheek. She reached out and grabbed it holding it tightly in her hand.

“That you definitely are. I can’t imagine you being anywhere else.” Sharna said leaning down and pressing a kiss to her head.

“I figured we could use some us time with her before everyone got her and it got chaotic.” Val explained. They were having her party that day with the celebration early that afternoon but the family would stay for the day. While everyone was in town they had some things planned to do as a group. They were slightly limited since they were at the end of February.

“Definitely. Everyone is coming over to love you up and celebrate you but mommy and daddy need some special time first. Then we’ll let you play while we finish up. I’ll bet Grammy Woo & Pappy will play with you while we do that. Then everyone will be here and you’ll get presents and your cake.” Sharna said as Bella watched her intently. Her grip on Val’s hand still firm. Since Bella had been so anxious from the beginning, Sharna had started just explaining things to her. Whether she knew what was going on or not, she felt like it was a fair thing to do and something she wanted to continue as she got older. Val teased her at first but then saw the benefit in it himself. Sharna had since caught him doing the same thing. Much like when he talked to Bella before their night out.

Once Bella finished her bottle, Sharna and Val let her play on the bed with them for awhile before they headed downstairs. Woo and Ray were already at the counter having coffee. Bella yelped happily and squirmed in Sharna’s arms. She put her down and she scrambled right over to her pappy who was more than happy to pick her up and give her loves. He and Lucy then took her to the play room so Sharna and Val could start getting things ready. Since they were having just close family and friends it only amounted to about 30 people so they decided to stick to the house. It was easier as far as Bella’s needs as well as Peta with Evia as well. They just had some furniture rearranging to do. Maks and Peta came shortly after. Shai bolted to the playroom already loving time with his adopted grandparents as well. Evia stayed tucked against Maks in her carrier. She was definitely a daddy’s girl. The guys worked on the furniture while Sharna and Peta did the decorations.

They used the kitchen table for what would be the food station. Peta and Sharna covered the table with a gold table cloth and then draped a ribbon of pink, silver, gold, and white stars across the front. They were using the counter for the cake and favors. They used more of the tablecloth and star ribbon there as well. Sharna had also gotten a sign made that describe all of  Bella’s favorites, milestones, and personality. They put that at one end. The cake which was three layers, the bottom with white icing and gold & pink stars, the middle one with gold glitter icing and Bella’s name, and then the top which slid off to be Bella’s smash cake was light pink with gold stars making a path up the side. On the other side of the cake were the favors. Baggies of star themed cookies tied with a ribbon and a tag that said “Thanks for making my party sparkle! Love Bella.” They put a table along the patio doors for presents. Sharna had found a decoration on Pinterest that she loved. The start said “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, I’ve grown so much and come so far.” After the initial saying there was a star with a number for each of the twelve months of Bella’s first year. Sharna printed pictures to signify each of those months. Finally they did the area for Bella’s smash cake. Sharna had found a tulle skirt for the highchair that used light pink tulle with gold stars and had the word One written on it. Behind the chair they hung star streamers from the ceiling.

“We good princess?” Val asked once it felt like they had completed all their tasks.

“I think so. We just have to get dressed and the birthday girl dressed. Dad said he’ll go after the food which should be now. I wanna give Bells a bottle first so she’s at least happy in that regard.”

“Okay, well let’s go relieve your parents and get Bells. You wanna feed her while I get dressed?” Val asked knowing Sharna probably wanted to have a little bit of downtime with her baby.

“Yeah, P you guys good?”

“Definitely. I need to feed Evia and hopefully get her to nap. Shai can play on the iPad.”

“I’m gonna ask your dad if he wants a buddy.” Maks said.

“Thanks. He’s usually great at directions but just in case.” Sharna said appreciatively.

“And momma and papa and baba are coming soon. Nic just texted, that group will be here right after one. She said Colby was a bit fussy so they are running a bit behind.” Val said looking at his phone for the first time all morning.

“Perfect, we’ve got time then.” Sharna said and Val could see the nerves wearing on her. He knew she wanted all this to be perfect and it would be. She just needed to relax to enjoy it.

“I’ll go relieve your parents princess. You go get the bottle ready, I’ll meet you in Bells room.” Val said. Everyone split then to their tasks and jobs. Sharna made Bella’s bottle before heading to meet Val in the bedroom.

“There’s my little birthday girl.” Sharna said gathering the little one up in her arms. She cuddled Bella close as she felt her eyes fill with tears.

“Princess?” Val asked looking at her in concern.

“It’s just a big day. I’m alright. I, just, there was a time when I thought we’d never have this. Celebrating a first birthday, ya know? And not only is it her first day but it’s the day we met. And I know we didn’t know she’d be with us forever then but it just, it’s a huge anniversary.” Sharna said as she settled in the rocker and let Bella cuddle into her before giving her the bottle. She took it appreciatively as she reached up and held Sharna’s hand as well. She had long since learned to hold the bottle but preferred to hold her parents or feeders hand instead.

“I get it babe, I just want to make sure you’re enjoying it. As special as it needs to be for her, it’s just that special for us too. Like you said there was a time when we thought this would never be an option for us. Don’t let the overwhelming feelings take over the importance of the day.” Val said as he bent down beside his girls.

“I’ll try. I promise. I think once the party is going and we’re in the moment, I’ll be calmer. And if not, I know where to find you.” Sharna said with a wink.

“That you do.” Val said pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I’m going to go get ready. I’ll be back shortly.”

Sharna nodded and cuddled Bella in closer. She was going to talk to her but after a few moments decided to just enjoy the time and reminisce on the past 12 months. Eventually Bella finished and Sharna burped her before returning to cuddling the little girl. Val appeared soon after and they got Bella dressed in her birthday outfit. She had a white onesie with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on it with a pink 1 in the background. It was accented with gold stars. There was a tutu made of various ribbons   and tulle. There was also a gold bow headband but Bella refused to leave it on so they gave up on that. She was only staying in this until after her smash cake. And then rather than putting her in an outfit, they had star pajamas for the rest of the day.

“I think everyone is here. Are you ready to celebrate your birthday little princess?” Val asked as he waited on Sharna to finish up her makeup. Bella babbled in response.

“I’m ready.” Sharna said appearing in the bedroom. Val nodded and they headed downstairs. The party went off without a hitch. Everyone had a great time. Bella loved being loved up but all her family members and friends. She loved all her new toys but particularly loved a set of Mickey and Friends characters that Shai had picked out for her. Ironically Lily had picked out a princess set as well. All the kids with the exception of Evia actually sat on the floor and played with the figurines. Cake time was a bit sketchy, Bella hadn’t liked the stickiness of the icing on her fingers however as soon as she realized how sweet the sticky stuff was, she got over that quickly. She shared with her parents at first but then set herself on eating the rest of the deliciousness on her own. When it was time to clean her up, she shrieked in displeasure. The rest of day went extremely well. After the initial party was over, some of the people left however the majority of the family stayed. The kids continued playing and the adults enjoyed the time together.

“She asleep?” Val asked softly as he appeared in Bella’s room later that evening. Everyone had headed out for the day and they had gotten Bella ready for bed. She was extra clingy to Sharna that evening so she decided to rock her a little before tucking her in her crib. Typically once they laid her down, she fell asleep on her own. Sharna decided that all the extra excitement of the day had just thrown the little one off of her regular schedule.

“She is. I just, I wanted a little more time.” Sharna said as she ran her finger along the dark curls on Bella’s forehead.

“I figured. Sometimes these are the best moments to soak her in.” Val said agreeing. Rather than asking if she wanted to tuck Bella in together, he pulled the footrest beside his wife and settled in as well. The whole day while full of perfection had been quite a roller coaster so these quiet moments together as a family were ones that he cherished the most.

Cause it feels like I’ve opened my eyes again And the colors are golden and bright again There’s a song in my heart, I feel like I belong It’s a better place since you came along It’s a better place since you came along  

**That’s a wrap peeps. It looks like Option 1 wins! Final counts were as follows: Option 1 had 10 votes, Option 2 had 6 votes, and Option 3 had one vote, so this is counting as 1 of your 2 Fix You updates. Remember, like I said, that’s worst case. If I squeeze more out of me or if life is less hectic than I think, you may get more. :) this one was very calm and undrama filled which can only mean that drama looms in the future for our favorite couple. Muwahahaha!  Don’t forget to like this one up and let me know what you thought. Love you all!

[womenandfilm5]

Great Women Animators, selections: http://greatwomenanimators.com

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John and Faith Hubley

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The Short, The Hole (1962) records the dialogue between two construction workers in New York City. One white, one black, they discuss an array of things but the overarching theme of their discussion is about accidents. Whether or not accidents are possible and the possibility of an accidental nuclear attack. During this time period there were high tensions between the United States and the Soviet Union known as The Cold War. Many were fearful of a nuclear missile attack and a possibly world-ending nuclear war. This film was animated and produced around the same time of the Cuban Missile Crisis (1962) when the United States discovered Soviet based ballistic missiles in Cuba which resulted in a 13-day confrontation between the two world powers. This improvisational film won an Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film in 1962 and was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being “culturally, historically, and aesthetically significant”.

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The Hole follows an improvised conversation between two fictional construction workers of different races. This conversation is respectful and interestingly enough, race was not discussed between the two. Instead, they discussed accidents, why they happen, and if they even exist. The black character, voiced by Dizzy Gillespie, mentions that the other day he was washing the dishes and he accidentally dropped a glass, shattering it. He mentions that his wife theorizes he dropped the glass because he was not thinking about the glass. The white character, voiced by George Matthews, cuts him off exclaiming that he hadn’t dropped the glass because he wasn’t thinking about it, rather, he dropped it intentionally because he did not want to do the dishes in the first place. This interesting take on intention and “accidents” was meant to be applied to the political climate at the time of the Cold War. In other words, any move made by the United States or the Soviet Union is an intentional action with malicious intent behind it. This is further explained by the next statement made by Dizzy’s character “If I am walking down the street with a pistol in my pocket and someone accidentally steps on my toes I am going to ask him why he did that” then he continues to say that he would confront the person because he had the pistol. He states that if the person is far bigger than him and he no longer has the pistol, he wouldn’t choose to confront the man, he just would not say anything at all. This is an interesting narrative that can be applied, once again, to the political climate at the time. Both the United States and Soviet Union have theoretical “Pistols” or in other words; nuclear weapons. These tools allow the countries to confront one another, however, no one wants to be “shot”. Due to the fact that both countries equally have nuclear weapons they are at a stand still; hence the cold war. Neither country is saying anything to the other and they are simply assuming nothing is accidental, rather they are threatening the security of the other. 

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The Short film Moonbird (1959) is based off of a secretly recorded conversation between the Hubley’s two sons Mark and Ray in which they make a story about capturing the “Moonbird” and bringing it back home. The story takes place in their backyard, the two boys set out in the middle of the night to capture this mystical bird, they set up a cage with bait and wait nearby in a hole for the bird to arrive. The two children bicker, sing, eat candy and eventually capture the bird and bring it home. 

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This experimental film was awarded an Oscar in 1960 for best short subjects. In the film the older brother tells the younger brother what to do, for example the younger brother was told several times to lower his voice or he would “scare away the bird”. By the end of the film, however, their singing is what attracted the Moonbird and allowed the boys to catch it. The improvisational tone of the dialogue between the two young boys puts a unique insight to the domestic side of the Hubley’s life. Staying in and creating made up stories, using the abundance imagination from their young sons to create an animated short. This approach was revolutionary and very interesting to watch. The animation of the story fit perfectly with the dialogue, which requires a lot of careful thought and understanding of the storyline. Essentially, with this film the Hubley’s translate a child’s imagination into an enjoyable animated short film.  

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Ana Perez Lopez

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Amarillo and A Frog Fried Me

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The short film Amarillo supplied a short history of the banana. At glance, you often times do not think about the origin of something so simple such as a banana. The animation showed men and women, with black mask like coverings on half of the face, just enough to shield the features of the face, as well as animations of the banana spinning. In the opening, she calls the banana, “a candy that melts in the hand,” giving the fruit qualities that you would not attribute to a fruit usually. The dialogue offers a short history of the banana, from pre-WWII when the original natural form of the banana, or the ‘gros michelle,’ became extinct, to the banana ban that occurred during WWII that completely wiped out the gros michelle. The common banana that we have today is in fact not related to the gros michelle, but is completely manufactured from genetic modification, and within the next 10-30 years, the banana we know now will be completely replaced by a fruit with no trace of any original ancestry. The concept of replication and extinction was the main focus of the film. Something so simple as a fruit can be completely erased and then replaced by something that relates nothing to the original. The background sound of the film made it seem as if the narrator was placed underwater, as the figures of people swam through the timeline of history. She also included snippets of film and TV from the mid 20th century, in small bubble like televisions, which made it easier to connect the time periods that were mentioned. 

  A Frog Fried Me displayed more of the experimental aspect of Lopez’ work. The opening animation showed patterns of koi fish circling in and out, until they dissipated into themselves. The main focus was a scene of human bodies with heads of animals such as elk, and cows, reclining in chairs, and seated upon bar stools. One elk-human ran into the middle of the room, and was stopped in a spotlight of red light. Frozen in time, the other animals seated in the room began to exchange conversation, through bubbles of speech that instead of dialogue had geometric shapes. The screen then went black, and showed a tree frog, illuminated by white, and then back to the man running, but this time simply in the same black and white that was paired with the image of the frog. To decode the symbolism of this film was difficult, however I was able to connect the imagery of a tree frog to the title itself, with the existence of a hallucinogenic tree frog. The kambo, a hallucinogenic tree frog, is used for psychedelic experiences by extracting the venom, burning a small hole into the skin, and placing the venom on the wound. This creates a hallucination that some use for treatment with addiction, and also just for the pleasure and experience (VICE). The title, A Frog Fried Me, may relate to the imagery by depicting a scene that could very well be experienced as a hallucination. The people sitting in the room were mostly human, but had animal heads. The scenario could have almost been realistic had the people been fully human, but with the colors, the red flashes of light, and the nature of the creatures sitting in the room, it is safe to say the entire experience could be a replication of a trip.  . Arisa Wakami .

Blessing and chibico . The film blessing was a stop motion film of a baby laying upon a mattress in the middle of a floor, with boxes and bags opening and spilling out items that then moved around the child or put themselves on the child. A box of socks opens up and circles the baby, a bag with a onesie in it moves across the baby vertically but never is put on the baby, bags of blocks and toys spill onto the baby who plays with them until they move away, and the baby sleeps surrounded by the blocks, dressed in a hat and a bib left behind by one of the bags. When the mother picks the baby up, the hat is left behind, and then slowly slides off the bed and out of frame. This closing scene of the hat moving off the bed was symbolic to me. I believe that the theme of the film was to show that material objects are superficial and can be replaced and forgotten about so easily. From the time we are born until the time we die, we are given so many items that we use and discard, to never be used again. As we grow as humans, we have different needs that have to be catered to in the moment, but are then forgotten about as we move on and continue to grow. The baby is being given so many different gifts, that cycle through and then are never seen again. Wakami’s work is centered a lot upon children, which is shown in the other film chibico. A young girl who lives on a hill is standing on a stool, peering out of her window at the red sun, who extends a hand out to her. She immediately gets off the stool, and a hat and shoes are placed on her body. She gets in a car, looking very shocked, and is brought to either school or a daycare. As the kids play, she is somewhat lonesome, standing by the door. As the children dance, she is off beat and cannot keep up with the other children. As the children eat food, a girl cries next to her as she sits, quietly, with one bite of her meal taken. As the children get picked up from school, she sits alone and is the last one to leave. The sky changes from it’s bright blue of the daytime, to a light pink that indicates the sun is setting. She bathes with her family, is excited to eat a meal when she is seated at home, and when she finally gets into bed, she steps back onto the stool to look for the sun. Instead, she finds a dark night sky with the moon above, and the scene is very transient and dream like, of a human like apparition that is very difficult to describe. Contented, she goes to sleep. The background images of the credits are of children’s drawings. As a filmmaker who focuses upon themes of childhood, I assume the theme of this film was to express the curious nature of children. The little girl in the film expected to see the sun when she finally ended her day, but was still content to find that the sun was gone, and replaced with the moon. The entire time she was at school, she seemed to not be focused upon what was going on there, but was eager to look out of the window when she finally had the chance. In japanese, “chibico,” means “small child.” Wakami’s focus upon the nature of children provides an inventive style through picture to display the mannerisms of children in a way that is not often times analyzed. . Dahee Jehong .

THE EMPTY trailer and Reflection Type .

The film style of Dahee Jehong is to take poetry and metaphors, and translate them into visual imagery that is calm, yet powerful. THE EMPTY trailer was a very short and basic film, but had very somber overtones that were created in the span of less than one minute. A door with a painting is shown on a blank wall, and suddenly the door begins to rotate, letting people in from all angles to bring in furniture and objects, and then when the door finally reaches full circle, the last individual grabs the painting from the wall and exits through the door, leaving a translucent shadow of what was once there. The screen then pans to black with the subtitles, “everything is gone. I’ve been left alone again.” The imagery of people moving in, circling around, and leaving through the same door they entered resonates with the same way that individuals move in and out of transitional periods of their life. The people start by moving all their objects in, they are not seen, then as they leave, they take something with them that was not theirs to begin with. In cycles of bringing an individual into your home or life, it is never certain how long they may reside there. Everything is inevitable, and nothing can be avoided. The narrator ends the film having less than they started with, being alone again. A simple and quick film was able to capture a function of life that everyone experiences, and sometimes in cycles. On the opposite end, Reflection Type was very experimental, as it begins with a mirrored image of a women meeting herself, and then falling into herself. It is not apparent until minutes later that she had formed the letter A with the reflections of her body. The entirety of the film is Jehong creating each letter of the alphabet by using cut techniques of multiples mirrored images to form each individual letter with her body. The background is simply a concrete tan wall, and she performs the same routine over and over, but to produce a different image each time. This film acted as more of a creative lens of the work of Jehong, and reflects the creative nature she has especially with her animated film. . Jane Geiser . Ghost Algebra and The Red Book . Jane Geiser is an experimental film maker that uses objects that have been once abandoned or forgotten about to bring life and movement back into them, while also creating symbolic value. In both of the films, the subject was a female figure, focusing upon the female form and the experiences of the woman. Ghost Algebra used plant matter, perforations, light and color, the concept of time through clock hands and molds of pocket watches, diagrams of birds and anatomical drawings, with sounds of cars moving and nature in the background of the film. The subject of the film was a worn out plastic figurine of a girl with blonde hair, that was shown moving across areas through shadows underneath the perforations, as well as travelling through the drawings of birds and anatomical figures. It seemed almost as if she was lost, looking for the meaning of everything arounds her. The diagrams of birds were all missing heads, that were punched out of the diagrams. Eventually, the sounds in the background transition to children screaming, and the holes where the bird’s heads should be fill up with a red paint, that overflows and seeps into all of the crevices of the diagrams. The female figurine moves across all of the sceneries, looking as if she is whispering in the ears of the anatomical figures and the images of the birds. It is never known what exactly she could be saying, but it is apparent that at some point things went awry, as the red paint resembles blood. Film of this expanse is not meant to have a singular meaning, but instead be subject to interpretation. The female subject is travelling around, trying to make sense of her surroundings, but eventually finds that nothing is the same as what it originally seemed to be. The types of  medium Geiser uses when combined as a whole reflects an environment subject to change, but also hovering in a great amount of unknown by the viewer as well as the subject of the film. Perhaps, the idea of the film is to express the functionality of a woman in society, trying to understand the perils of life that are not outwardly apparent. . In the animated film The Red Book Jane Geiser opens her film with the sounds of crickets which translates to feelings of tranquillity and nature. The first thing the viewers see is hands writing in the dirt. After that it flashes to a woman lying naked on a table, throughout the film she is dissected, her mind is opened up, she becomes altered in some ways. Made to fit within a house, looking out at the industrialized world through the windows of her home. This, to me, is a clear parallel to how women are manufactured in our patriarchal society. Much like the woman on the table, women in our society are dissected as well. We manufacture women only for the domestic realm, when they do not fit we simply alter them so they do. The woman in the film does not have any clear agency over her own body and is subject to the will of the people around her. They attempt to “fix” her so she fits, but what they consider “fixing” is what we consider domestication. There is also clear imagery of natural scenery versus industrialized scenery. Much like natural elements the woman is harvested, manufactured and processed to make a product. Whether the product be infrastructure or a domesticated housewife it is all the same to those who are processing her. She is no longer an individual, rather a cog in society’s machine. Through this film Jane Geiser expresses the way we as a society view women. 

Joanna Preistley . Bottle Neck and Split Ends  . Joanna Preistley’s focus in film is solely on the experimental type of film that explores what boundaries can be crossed. The animation Bottle Neck had two sides of the screen that eventually merged into one image. The left side had constant moving geometric patterns, whie the right side had individual patterns that went from abstract drawings, into shapes of bottles and vases. Not one image could be focused upon at once; either your attention is drawn to the constant moving patterns, or your focus is drawn to each individual drawing that moved slower, yet was easier to decode. In Split Ends, the geometric patterns were either very plant like and resembled the motion of growing. A scene that I found particularly interesting was a set of steps that filled the entire screen, and a ball rolled down the steps and as each step disappeared, the ball eventually fell straight down into the void. The work she creates is simply is an appreciation of the art form of animation, while embracing the freedom that accompanies creating art. The titles of each film respectively reflect what the imagery seemed to be, but an open mind may interpret the motions and visions in an array of perspectives. – SA .

REFERENCES:

https://filmfreeway.com/joanna@primopix.com   https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/gqkxa9/kambo-ceremony-alcoholism-purging-uk   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moonbird   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith_Hubley   https://www.zippyframes.com/index.php/interviews/dahee-jeong-makes-the-empty   https://www.fandor.com/filmmakers/director-janie-geiser-1234  

VIDEO LINKS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGB3eudJwOU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIGlX0iVy1Y https://vimeo.com/165069458 https://vimeo.com/165823831 https://vimeo.com/161456257 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUPh1exMKWc https://vimeo.com/158120311 https://vimeo.com/85528988 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CK9aP9GKU4Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZWv_UBXx8k https://vimeo.com/184923964 https://vimeo.com/64678851

[abdlbdsmstories]

Lost bet, lost dignity

This story will involve nappy play, bondage, public humiliation,  sex, gangbangs, bondage and abuse. Not for the faint hearted!! Its a cross of nappy’s and bondage. The story revolves around Sam (the humiliated), Tom (Sam’s bf), Ryan (the gang leader) and a variety of his friends. The first part is told from Sam’s point of view and then its told from Ryan’s point of view. There’s a poker game, Tom cant afford to play so has to offer Ryan something in exchange for staying in… and the rest as they say is history!! It takes a while to get going but i hope its worth it!

PART 4

DAY 3

Day 3 began similar to day 2. I awoke in my crib, the bulky wet nappys between my legs yet i felt safe and secure wrapped in barbie blanket and my pink baby-suit keeping me warm. Lucy walked in and opened the curtains letting in the sunlight. She undid the bars on my crib and helped me out. She stood me up and undid the back of the baby-suit to reveal my sopping wet nappys. "My my you have been a busy girl" she commented. I tried to walk out but the bulk held me back and i struggled a mere waddle. I knew crawling was going to be the easiest option so when Lucy had finished completely removing my baby-suit I knelt down onto all fours and crawled through into the living room. The highchair was again set up in the corner so i crawled over to it and clambered into it. As i got up and turned round Lucy was smiling at me seeming very impressed with how i was adapting to my new lifestyle. She strapped me into the highchair and plonked a baby bowl full of weetabix and mush onto the table. "Eat up baby." I just closed my eyes and buried my head deep into the bowl. I was slurping and licking at the bowl like a dog. After licking the bowl clean i lifted my head, i could feel it was covered in mush. My eyes and nose were dripping mush and i could feel it all over my hair. Lucy wiped my face clean with a bib and then held the baby bottle whilst i gulped down the apple juice. She then put a piece of paper down on the table and on it had a list of my jobs for the day. Lucy explained that Ryan had gone out and that she had to sort out downstairs therefore it was my job to tidy upstairs and make the place look presentable. She undid the highchair and helped me down, standing me in the middle of the room. She picked up the maids outfit from the sofa and dressed me in it. It was a black mini skirt with white ruffles and a skimpy black top again with white trimmings, it didn't even begin to cover my nappys. She patted me on the bum before disappearing off downstairs. I looked back at the list, it didn't involve nothing to strenuous just hoovering, washing the pots, polishing the sides, making the beds and cleaning the bathroom. I began in the front room wiping down the sides, polishing the TV, hoovering the floor and wiping down my dirty highchair. The morning passed uneventfully, I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, even finding a cupboard that contained umpteen pieces of baby paraphernalia including bottles, bowls, plates, cutlery and lots of jars of baby food. The bathroom was beautiful. A massive white bath with plenty of room to relax and a toilet. It felt like ages since I'd used one of them! I cleaned the place folding the towels neatly and emptying the laundry basket. 2 Hours of cleaning had taken its toll on my nappy and admiring myself in the full length mirror my nappy was sagging near enough down to my knees and my bowels were ready to relieve themselves. On entering Lucy and Ryan's bedroom i was amazed. It had a massive four poster in the middle, huge walk-in wardrobes, an en-suite bathroom and a big bay window with a small balcony. I jumped on their bed and almost sunk into it, it was a water-bed. What i would give to swap my dingy crib for this! i made there bed, hoovered the floor, cleaned up the bathroom and then felt the urge to pooh. I squatted down and pushed. The pooh was quite soft still, probably the remains of last nights enema and quickly worked its way all over my bum cheeks and between my legs. I had no idea when i was going to be changed and it was causing quite a stench. I daren't change myself i didn't fancy another punishing whipping. I took the opportunity to snoop through a few of the drawers. They had loads of sex toys including dildos, vibrators, handcuffs, bondage devices and restraints. I went back into my baby room and looked in the wardrobe. I was shocked by what i saw, there must have been like a thousand nappies stacked up on the floor ranging from the pampers cruisers i was put in on the first night to big bulky cloth nappys which i hadn't had the pleasure off yet and in between them the tena's and attends. There were lots of baby grows, dresses and other baby clothes hanging up some of which looked very cute. I my eye on this cute pick and white striped dress with cute frilly knickers on it. Bored and having decided I'd done enough cleaning for the day i sat down on the floor and played with the dolls house. It had been years since I'd seen one of these but being in a wet and messy nappy i was going to act the child. After another hour or so of playing Helen came upstairs carrying the camcorder. She thrust it in my face

   "Hey baby, you having fun? You look so cute playing with your little dolly yet you smell badly. Baby done a poopy?" I nodded my head in agreement. "Stand up so we can see the damage and give us a twirl." I did as told and Helen filmed my dirty nappy before pulling back the waist band and getting a look at the mess inside. "Your such a big baby. This must be the 5Th or 6Th nappy you been through in the past 3 days. Good job there are plenty spares," as she opened the wardrobe drawer to film the thousands on display. She pulled one of the nappys out that was white, adult sized and had cute pictures on the front. She rested the camera in a filming position on the shelf and ripped open both my nappys. I looked between my legs and it was pretty bad. The poop filled the front of my nappy, all over my pussy and legs and completely covering my butt. Helen must have spent a good 10 minutes wiping me down with wet wipes and a wet flannel removing all the poop. She was a lot more brutal than Lucy in the way she forcefully moved my legs in the air and slapping the wipes across my bum. Once finished she slipped the new nappy under me and taped it up making sure it was as tight as possible. She stood me up, adjusted my nappy to make sure it was as high on my waist as possible and then dressed me in a cute little tartan skirt, a baby blue t-shirt with the words 'I love my nappys' emblazoned across the front and pair of cute blue booties which i must say were very comfortable. She lead me downstairs and out on to the front where i was shocked again. There stood Bridget and Steph, 2 of Lucy's friends with a pushchair. Steph patted the seat and motioned me to come and have a seat. So i waddled over my nappy clearly visible and sat down whilst Bridget belted me in.  We headed off and i was curious as to where we were heading. After 10 minutes or so of being pushed humiliatingly along we arrived at the park. It was a warmish day, a bit overcast but still nice to play out in. The park was fairly quiet, a few teenagers loitered about the place but nothing too bad. Bridget unbuckled me and helped me out. She took my skirt and pointed out to Steph that i had wet myself. They both agreed it was no major hassle and i was fine to play. They took me on to the actual park and made me sit in the baby swings. I hated the swings, they knew this and they started pushing me as fast as they could. Up and down, up and down i went and it was petrifying. I screamed and cried as loud as i could but it was no use they wouldn't stop. It must have gone off for at least 5 Min's before they finally gave in. I sat there sobbing my nappy even more wet and i sobbed my eyes out. This was met with Bridget pulling my hair backwards and shouting,

   "Oi... little baby... you ever dare scream or raise your voice like that again and I'll beat the life out of you. Now go and play on the park." She pulled away my tartan and pushed me over towards the slide. I climbed up the steps, my nappied backside on full view and I went down the slide whilst being filmed by Steph. I was made to repeat this laborious exercise 5 times before they got bored off it and we went off the park. I was sat back down in the pushchair and we all made our way over to the ice cream van. Lucy ordered me an extra large 99 with all the trimmings and sauce. I loved ice cream and a 99 was my favourite. She went to hand it to me but instead shoved it in my face spreading ice cream all over it. I started to cry as she continually shoved it in my face rubbing it in all over and coating my hair in it.

   "Ahh I thought you liked ice cream baby girl. Ha ha." She laughed and mocked me whilst feeling my nappy. "You've pissed yourself again. Let's go and get you changed. Hmmmm how shall we do this, in public or private?" I didn't say a word. I knew whatever I said was going to be the wrong answer.

   "Bridget and Steph, do you girls want to change the baby? You will love it." Lucy asked them. They both looked at each other pondering then nodded there heads and agreed. They pushed me off over to a quiet area of the park and helped me out. They laid me down on the grass and talked about who was going to do what. Bridget took the opportunity to take my nappy off, she was unsure what to do so she yanked it off quickly exposing my sore backside and wet pussy to the open air.

   "Wow you have got a bad nappy rash. You must have had some bad poohs." Steph commented. "Well things are only getting to get worse for you baby. I've heard what Lucy and her boyfriend have got planned for you and I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. I don't think your boyfriend is going to want you back when he finds out hes going to have to re-potty train you." Those words rang true to my ears. Lucy had said this before and now her friends had said it I was terrified, I didn't say anything. Bridget began wiping me down, vigorously rubbing my pussy and ass whilst Steph held my legs in the air. A couple of lads could see what was happening and began wolf whistling away thinking some form of lesbian action was taking place. If only they knew the truth. Steph grabbed a nappy and placed it underneath me then proceeded to powder me. Again she wasn't sure what to do and overdid it somewhat with the powder emptying what appeared to be half a bottle on my pussy. She pulled the nappy over my pussy and taped it tightly shut then helped me to my feet. They made me do a twirl to admire there handiwork before sitting me back in the pushchair and taking me back over to Lucy. They didn't even bother to wipe my face and the ice cream had become sticky and yukky.

   "All nice and clean now baby girl? What do you say to Steph and Bridget?" Lucy asked me.

   "Yes mummy. Thank you for changing me Steph and Bridget" I replied.

They smiled at me and they shared a kiss and cuddle with Lucy before leaving. Lucy pushed me back home, a few people saw me and looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo. I was so humiliated, people seeing me in a nappy. We arrived back at the pub to see Ryan and a few of his friends chatting.

   "Did you have fun girls?" Ryan asked.

   "Yeah, she loved it on the swings and slide. I'm taking her for her nap so she is ready for tonight's activities." Lucy told him, kissing him passionately, making me slightly aroused. I mean, they were both a beautiful couple and in comparison to Tom, Ryan was a hunk. Lucy unstrapped me from the pushchair and we went upstairs to my bedroom. She undid the crib and helped me in.

   "Can I have a drink please, Mummy?" I asked.

   "Of course you can baby girl seeing as you asked so politely." Lucy replied and went off to fetch me one. She came back a moment later.

   "Here you go baby. A nice bottle of warm milk for you. Now here's your dummy, get yourself a few hours sleep." She said, leaning over me and kissing me on the forehead before shutting the crib shut. I gripped the teat between my teeth and sucked hard on it, suckling as much milk as possible. It was so refreshing and comforting, it really did bring back childhood memories for me. Once I had emptied the bottle, I put my pink dummy back in and just laid there. Within seconds I was fast asleep in the land of nod.

I woke up to the sound of the cupboard in my room being shut. It was Ryan, he came over to my bed clutching a bunch of nappys in his hand.

   "Hello. Hows my favourite baby girl? You had a good sleep?" He asked me.

   "Yes daddy." I replied, still trying to come round. Ryan undid the crib and pulled the blanket from me.

   "My my, we have a very wet nappy here don't we. It appears our plan is working nicely. Losing control whilst your asleep is a good sign." He commented. I looked down at my nappy and it was drenched. He was right, I was losing bladder control.

   "Unfortunately for you baby, you won't be getting changed just yet. First, Lucy wants you to help do her make up for tonight and then its back to the pool room for you, we have a few more games to play with you tonight." Ryan told me, looking very pleased with his choice of games. He helped me out of the crib and took me into his bedroom where Lucy was sat in front of her make up desk. It was huge, like a film stars desk, with a big mirror surrounded by lights and a huge array of make up products. I positioned myself alongside her and she spoke to me,

   "Seeing as you did health and beauty at college will you do my make up, please?" She asked politely.

   "Yes Mummy." I replied and began helping her with her make up. I passed my diploma in health and beauty with a high distinction and had plans to open my own salon one day once I had done an apprenticeship. Lucy's mum owned a salon and I had done a bit of work in there during my college course so she knew I would do a good job. I looked down at her body and she had a great body. She was sat fully naked, a firm set of breasts and a shaved pussy. Her skin was slightly tanned from the sun bed she had.  Whilst I started out tidying her hair up and cleansing her skin and applying the foundation she started talking to me.

   "How are you finding all this?" She asked.

   "Well... Its so humiliating having to wear nappys for everyone to see. I cant believe Tom played me as a pawn in the poker game. And having all Ryans friends see me is pure humiliation. I mean, having to shit myself in front of a load of strangers was embarrassing." I replied, sort of in tears.

   "Aaahh. Well there's a few more games that Ryan wants to play with you. But you will be fine, I am amazed at how well you have taken it all. The last bitch screamed and cried all day every day, in the end she was gagged 24/7. I think you are liking this."

   "Well, I have had more orgasms in the last few days than I have ever had. How long do I have to do this for? I asked.

   "We have cut your sentence down from 2 weeks, to 10 days, so you only got another week or so. Sit on my lap." She ordered me.

  I did as I was told and straddled her lap looking deep into her eyes and she shocked me. She leaned forward, closed her eyes and kissed me on the lips. Her lips were so soft and smooth, she gripped my wet, padded backside and the kiss intensified with us both groaning and then we tongued each other. I was in a clinch with another girl and I was loving it. She pulled away after a few minutes and commented,

   "Wow. You have soft lips, you're a great kisser. Listen, don't worry about whats happening to you. It happened to me as well. And I've stuck with Ryan ever since. Here, look at these." She  opened a drawer on the dresser and pulled out a photo album. She opened it up and there was her in the exact same predicaments as me. In the various photos she was nappied, tied up, gang-banged, suspended in a shitty nappy and more. But my favourite was of her on knees smiling into the camera with a wet nappy sagging between her legs. She looked so cute and beautiful.

   "See what I mean. They wont hurt you, just humiliate, punish and shag you. You will be loving it. And yeah Ryan did make me incontinent and he had to re-potty train me. My boyfriend at the time borrowed some money of Ryan and he failed to pay it back so Ryan kidnapped me and I spent a whole month in punishment before I fell in love with him." Lucy told me much to my relief. I was so glad she had experienced this and I wasn't alone. I carried on doing Lucy's make up and making her look even more stunning than she already was, I wet myself even more and Lucy patted the front of my nappy to acknowledge she knew. Once I had done her make up she stood and kissed me on the forehead.

   "Wow, I look stunning, thank you baby girl. Which lingerie should I wear?" She asked holding up a white bra and knickers and black suspenders with a black bra. I pointed to the black outfit which she put on and looked stunning. She accompanied this with a black strappy dress which covered about 2 inches of her thighs, along with some black heels. She stood in front of her mirror and looked stunning. I was stood to the side of her and the difference was immense. There she was looking stunning in a dress and heels and there was me, in a sagging, wet nappy looking every part the baby. She put her arm around me to comfort me and then grabbed my hand and we headed off downstairs. I could hear a party happening in the main bar area and loads of people. Lucy saved me the embarrassment of walking me through the bar and took me through the side entrance to the pool room. It was dark and as Lucy switched the lights on I saw what was on the table. There was lots of bananas, a butt plug, loads of nappys as usual, various spanking implements and the chains hanging down from the ceiling. Lucy left me in the room and went off, locking the door behind her. I stood in the room for a few minutes, in the dark when the door opened again and it was Ryan.

   "Well done. You have made Lucy look ever more stunning. Now get on the pool table." He ordered me and without hesitation I did as told. I climbed on the table and laid there, spread eagle, surrounded by the various items.