#would anyone like a badly-made meme.

[presiding]

you'll never guess which level we're up to in this dishonored 2 rewrite

[kismetlotts]

cw: money kink? Simon is obsessed, Simon loves you spending his money and giving you money, strangers online, mentions of male masturbation, mentions of oral sex, reader streams and goes live a lot, mentions of poor financial situation, Simon yearns, controlling, reader starts an OnlyFans, jealous Simon Riley, mentions of the name 'Daddy'

Simon Riley who barley uses social media and doesn't understand it well. He supposes he’s never really had a proper reason to. Sometimes he would check up on his teammates private lives, see how they are doing when they are away and off duty; sometimes he could be caught watching the odd dog meme video that pops up- earning a small, slither of a smile from the scarred stoic man.

But honestly, he’s never had a reason to bother, no account profile picture or bio and a randomly generated username he wouldn't know how to change even if he wanted to. Most of the time he would have two or three followers and always one of them was someone he had no idea of.

He never had a reason to give a shit about the online world, not until he saw you.

Sat at your desk, eyes sparkling under your warm ceiling light. Eagerly reading the chat-box at the bottom of your stream as you answered peoples questions with genuine interest. Your smile made his chest burn hot and his eyes caught notice of your fingers fidgeting with your hair. You were stunning, absolutely fucking breathtaking and Simon couldn't get enough; he needed you.

He would join every single live, not messaging or saying anything to you but just watching and suffocating in silence. He wouldn't miss the way you licked your lips wet and chewed on your lower lip as you waited for more people to join. If it wasn't for his expertise in self control he would've been fisting his cock to the sight of you.

He would have you full blast on his phone as he pottered around his house, your angelic voice singing out words of ecstasy through the cold empty walls like you were there with him. His precious little sweetheart, living with him in his head and in his home. Who would've thought a stranger like you could mess someone like Simon up this fucking badly?

He learnt things about you, jotting them down in the notebook of his brain. Learnt the places you wanted to travel to and experiences you wanted to live- and found himself wanting to be beside you: witnessing it first hand. He found himself for the first time in years wanting to live and not just survive.

Despite his toll of silence, you didn't miss the way he was always there. Checking the viewer count to see his account right at the top as per usual. Time didn't seem to matter either, when you had woken up at early in the morning and decided to go live out of boredom- he was there. In the middle of the day when you were on your lunch break, ragged looking earphones trailing out your ear as you whispered into the microphone at the back of the café, he was there watching. He was always there and it felt strange.

In honesty, his consistency petrified you. You knew it was all in your head but the nagging feeling that it was one of your fucked up, clingy exes, still keeping tabs on you despite going your separate ways, made you sick. Hoping was all you could ever do because you wouldn't dream of confronting the mysterious account that was watching, lingering and following you every second your phone was powered on. It was highly unlikely to be anyone you knew and you weren't entirely sure if that was for better or worse.

When your first couple of donations rolled in, you didn't know what to say. Smiling and thanking the donators by name as your cheeks heated up.

You never asked for money or pleaded for donations; the option was always there if people wanted to. You certainly weren't going to beg or come across as a 'money hungry' but some extra cash on the side was definitely not a bad idea. The fact that people were so generous and kind to donating pennies and pieces to help reach the goal of buying your own place. It wasn't much people were sending in but every little help strangers would accompany you with, made you realise the world wasn't so selfish after all: and when Simon noticed this. He reached for his card.

Hundreds, multiple hundreds and it was just a ridiculous amount of money that piled in from his account. It was the first time you had seen him interact with you aside from liking your content or watching your streams- what the fuck were you supposed to say? Your eyes would lock onto the screen, mouth slightly agape revealing your wet tongue as you tried to find the words. Simon fucking groaned.

The blank, grey profile picture looked back at you with numbers you couldn't comprehend attached to it. Simon was helping you tremendously and despite your gratefulness you couldn't help but end your stream- guilt surfacing in your throat because that was a lot of money to be handing away to a stranger. It felt rude taking it, you were scared to take it- it felt like borrowed money not gifted money because who sends someone that amount of cash. Who in their right fucking mind?

The worst part was he didn't stop there- in honesty, watching how fogged your mind got and watching the way you struggled for words- he couldn't find himself able to stop. It was a high for him, he wanted to give you everything you wanted.

He would crack his neck, a moan falling from his lips as he clicked on your live with a grin. Adrenaline fuelling his body as he sent more, and more, and more until he heard the shake in your voice. 'Stop' falling from your lips between nervous giggles and he knew you meant it, feeling his heart ricochet in his chest but still, he continued.

The mental aspect of the situation had led you to taking a short break off of streaming, you were sure he wasn't some crazy ex from the amount of money he had given you and the realisation it was some random stranger always being there instead, didn't make you as uncomfortable as you thought it would've. He was probably some old man with a fetish for seeing some girl like you everyday and spoiling you. The worst case scenario was that he could be a stalker or a murderer who had taken a liking into you- but even then you were highly careful of what you let slip online and who could be out there.

It was difficult, you wanted him to leave as much as you wanted him to stay- you couldn't block him after he had spent all that money on you and as much as you wished he wouldn’t have done that: it was very helpful.

A good few weeks had past since you had uploaded and you figured that he would be onto some other girl by now. Splashing the cash for some supermodel look alike as he whispers into her microphone things that drive men wild. But of course that wasn't the case.

Simon was going fucking haywire. He couldn't sleep without hearing your muffled little voice in his dreams, your sleeping little face and messed up hair with your tantalisingly lowcut pyjamas, where were you? Where had you disappeared to? He would check your account religiously, just in case you posted and his notification didn't go off. He had googled ways to tell if he had been blocked- but the reality of the situation was that you had just became inactive.

It made his lungs ache and knees weak without hearing your voice daily- just old videos he had re-watched over and over again. Your absence worried him and it worried himself with how badly he was getting attached to you. His days felt like months, his strong demeanour replaced by one that was moping and mourning. Jesus- you weren't fucking dead. If you were fucking dead he would ruin whatever stole you from him. Was this stalker like behaviour? Was he being a fucking loser for worrying about you?

Upon your return you had decided to create a dreaded OnlyFans account. It was just to raise money and you weren't expecting to blow up into some massive porn star earing millions from sex work- you kept it pretty downlow. It was as much humiliating as it was necessary- without Simon there to send you hundreds of pounds, you needed the extra pay for groceries and rent money. Plus- it seemed everyone your age was doing it so what was the harm? You uploaded a quick video to promote your new account, posted it and sat down at your one seat table.

The cold of the wooden chair hitting your thighs and the dim lights of your kitchen made you realise how tiny your apartment was. Even for one person you felt like you were incarcerated- stuck in a prison cell but you couldn't afford to leave yet. The sound of your swallow echoing into the silence as you finished up your instant ramen- humming in satisfaction as your phone hummed to. You picked it up, your stomach turning cold as a message request came through.

How much to delete your OnlyFans Account?

Simon was fucking seething. Posting your tits- your body, that little mouth of yours sucking on objects that weren't his cock for other men to see? For other men to pay for? He almost cracked his phone when he opened your notification to that and he would've if it wasn't for his urgency to get you to delete your account. He had heard of OnlyFans, he wasn't daft and you were coming off there whether you liked it or not.

Your heart stuttered seeing the familiar account and a scoff of shock fell from your lips. He hadn't forgotten you after all. The mysterious account had finally broke his silence and your stomach fluttered with feeling you couldn't make sense of. He hadn't moved on from you, he couldn't move on from you- should you be weirded out by this?

Sorry?

How much to delete your OnlyFans Account. Now?

The pulse in your vein throbbed as you finally made sense of his question. The giddy feeling from earlier at the realisation he was waiting for you, subsided into thick strings of anxiety. Hypothetically, if you had run your account on there for a good few months, posting regularly and having a handful of subscribers- you would bring home a good portion of money to save up. You couldn't ask him for a lot of money- especially after all the money he had already gave but you couldn't delete your account for little to nothing. So, you took the time to nicely write back to him and explain your financial situation to him. Explaining how you need to money to help save for a future house- that you need food and necessities and that your shitty job doesn't pay you enough.

The chat fell silent, Simon began to type and then stopped- disappearing and you shut your phone off worried you had either overshared and accidently unloaded everything onto him or upset him.

I mean- you didn't owe him anything- he donated all that money to you on his behalf but you couldn't help the niggling feeling of regret and shame that you had offended someone so nice that had done so much for you. You told yourself that he was still probably some creep, some fucked up pervert that probably only watched for one thing. But if that was the case, why would he be against your OnlyFans? Maybe you read him wrong- or maybe he wanted you all for himself.

You felt your phone ping again, opening the chat to a payment of multiple thousands.

This your spending money for food and whatever else you want. And I can buy you a house darling, don't you worry.

The high numbers full your screen and you blinked. Your head unable to comprehend if this was real or not. A whole house? Spending money? Was this guy fucking rich? He obviously had money to give away willingly so there was no doubt he was rich. But still though, did he not have a family to spend this money on- or anything better to do with it? Without properly thinking you typed back your response, sitting back on your chair as your eyes darted around your small apartment. Was he deadly serious about buying you a house?- Who were you kidding, of course he was serious.

Are you a sugar daddy or something?

Simons concrete façade broke as he snorted, reading your message. Imagining your sweet, pretty, intoxicating voice reading it out to him while he melts and loses himself in you. He should just send you his card and bank details- he should just send you all of his fucking money and spoil you absolutely rotten. He would give you anything you wanted- he would let you walk all over him and drain his fucking account. The thought of you all dolled up, new shoes, new clothes, new perfume. The thought of you comfortable, clean and fed- fuck he had never felt this horny and desperate before. He fisted his cock through his jeans as he sat up on his couch, stretching and adjusting a little before looking back down at the message. Fingers typing back a reply before plopping his phone down beside him.

Not a sugar daddy, I just like your smile, Sunshine.

But if you really wanted to call me daddy, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea.

[ktempestbradford]

I have been on a Willy Wonkified journey today and I need y'all to come with me

It started so innocently. Scrolling Google News I come across this article on Ars Technica:

At first glance I thought what happened was parents saw AI-generated images of an event their kids were at and became concerned, then realized it was fake. The reality? Oh so much better.

On Saturday, event organizers shut down a Glasgow-based "Willy's Chocolate Experience" after customers complained that the unofficial Wonka-inspired event, which took place in a sparsely decorated venue, did not match the lush AI-generated images listed on its official website.... According to Sky News, police were called to the event, and "advice was given."

Thing is, the people who paid to go were obviously not expecting exactly this:

But I can see how they'd be a bit pissed upon arriving to this:

It gets worse.

"Tempest, how could it possibly--"

source of this video that also includes this charming description:

Made up a villain called The Unknown — 'an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls'

There is already a meme.

Oh yes, the Wish.com Oompa Loompa:

Who has already done an interview!

As bad (and hilarious) as this all is, I got curious about the company that put on this event. Did they somehow overreach? Did the actors they hired back out at the last minute? (Or after they saw the script...) Oddly enough, it doesn't seem so!

Given what I found when poking around I'm legit surprised there was an event at all. Cuz this outfit seems to be 100% a scam.

The website for this specific event is here and it has many AI generated images on it, as stated. I don't think anyone who bought tickets looked very closely at these images, otherwise they might have been concerned about how much Catgacating their children would be exposed to.

Yes, Catgacating. You know, CATgacating!

I personally don't think anyone should serve exarserdray flavored lollipops in public spaces given how many people are allergic to it. And the sweet teats might not have been age appropriate.

Though the Twilight Tunnel looks pretty cool:

I'm not sure that Dim Tight Twdrding is safe. I've also been warned that Vivue Sounds are in that weird frequency range that makes you poop your pants upon hearing them.

Yes, Virginia, these folks used an AI image generator for everything on the website and used Chat GPT for some of the text! From the FAQ:

Q: I cannot go on the available days. Will you have more dates in the future? A: Should there be capacity when you arrive, then you will be able to enter without any problems. In the event that this is not the case, we may ask you to wait a bit.

Fear not, for this question is asked again a few lines down and the answer makes more sense.

Curious about the events company behind this disaster, I took myself over to the homepage of House of Illuminati and I was not disappointed.

I would 100% trust these people to plan my wedding.

This abomination of a website is a badly edited WordPress blog filled with AI art and just enough blog posts to make the casual viewer think that it's a legit business for about 0.0004 seconds.

Their attention to detail is stunning, from how they left up the default first post every WP blog gets to how they didn't bother changing the name on several images, thus revealing where they came from. Like this one:

With the lovely and compact filename "DALL·E-2024-01-30-09.50.54-Imagine-a-scene-where-fantasy-and-reality-merge-seamlessly.-In-the-foreground-a-grand-interactive-gala-is-taking-place-filled-with-elegant-guests-i.png"

"Concept.png" came from the same AI generator that gets text almost, but not quiiiiiite right:

There are a suspicious number of .webp images in the uploads, which makes me think they either stole them from other sites where AI "art" was uploaded or they didn't want to pay for the hi-res versions of some and just grabbed the preview image.

The real fun came when I noticed this filename: Before-and-After-Eventologists-Transformation-Edgbaston-Cricket-Ground-1024x1024-1.jpg and decided to do a Google image search. Friends, you will be shocked to hear that the image in question, found on this post touting how they can transform a boring warehouse into a fun event space, was stolen from this actual event planner.

Even better, this weirdly grainy image?

From a post that claims to be about the preparations for a "Willy Wonka" experience (we'll get to this in a minute), is not only NOT an actual image of anyone preparing anything for Illuminati's event, it is stolen from a YouTube thumbnail that's been chopped to remove the name of the company that actually made this. Here's the video.

If you actually read the blog posts they're all copypasta or some AI generated crap. To the point where this seems like not a real business at all. There's very specific business information at the bottom, but nothing else seems real.

As I said, I'm kinda surprised they put on an event at all. This has, "And then they ran off with all our money!" written all over it. I'm perplexed.

And also wondering when the copyright lawyers are gonna start calling, because...

This post explicitly says they're putting together a "Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory Experience" complete with golden tickets.

Somewhere along the line someone must have wised up, because the actual event was called "Willys Chocolate Experience" (note the lack of apostrophe) and the script they handed to the actors about 10 minutes before they were supposed to "perform" was about a "Willy McDuff" and his chocolate factory.

As I was going through this madness with friends in a chat, one pointed out that it took very little prompting to get the free Chat GPT to spit out an event description and such very similar to all this while avoiding copyrighted phrases. But he couldn't figure out where the McDuff came from since it wasn't the type of thing GPT would usually spit out...

Until he altered the prompt to include it would be happening in Glasgow, Scotland.

You cannot make this stuff up.

But truly, honestly, I do not even understand why they didn't take the money and run. Clearly this was all set up to be a scam. A lazy, AI generated scam.

Everything from the website to the event images to the copy to the "script" to the names of things was either stolen or AI generated (aka stolen). Hell, I'd be looking for some poor Japanese visitor wandering the streets of Glasgow, confused, after being jacked for his mascot costume.

HE LIVES IN THE WALLS, Y'ALL.

[fuckitupfelix]

Hear me out,

A soft spoken hero reader. He's mainly for damage control and healing. He is well liked by the public and even gets cutesy nick names and edits on the internet.

And jealous Mark, who's slightly possessive over reader. But it never goes beyond thoughts because the reader is his own person.

But the variants obviously have to have different thought processes and morals. It would be interesting to see how they react to this universes version of reader.

(You can choose the variant(s) because I really suck ass at remembering their names.)

never letting you go.

invincible x male reader

chars: full mask, no goggles, mohawk, sinister mark variants

warnings: canon compliant violence + mild suggestiveness (no goggles, mohawk, sinister) + straight up cannibalism ? (sinister)

mainstream mark has liked you for a while. the two of you have grown close during his time as invincible— mainly due to him absolutely wrecking himself every time he fights and you're the one healing him— but he's grown fond of you over time. you both like seance dog, even though it took him months to squirrel that information out of you; you're always so quiet, so soft-spoken and nervous and shy. but now he knows you better, and you've warmed up to him.

you jokingly scold him more when he comes to you for stupid little injuries, and you send each other memes and edits that you find of your hero personas. he really cares about you, and he'd never want you getting hurt. thats one thing that never changes; even across universes.

full mask!mark

when he came during the invincible war, he had two people on his mind; debbie and you.

when he finds you he's absolutely pathetic

-> im talking practically on his knees, clutching at your waist, fingers digging into your sides (only slightly)

he was so convinced he'd lost you forever, but now that he finally had you back? oh he's never letting you go..

very gentle with you. he knows you aren't technically as fragile as a normal human, but compared to a viltrumite? you're like glass to him

used to HATE when you healed him because it fatigued you so much with how many injuries he bore

he lost you once. he's not losing you again.

you're out in the city, doing your best to help anyone that was unlucky enough to get caught up in the carnage. the amount of times you expected to pull out people and only got detached limbs made your stomach churn. you've been at it for a while when you notice mark descend next to you, his suit dripping with blood.

"mark...?" you murmur, eyes wide. without hesitation, your hands are on his shoulders, placing your forehead against his as you wait for your healing powers to work. a subtle but warm blue light envelops you both. "are you okay? you look... terrible."

he doesn't respond, instead leaning into your touch. he wraps his arms around your waist and lets his head dip into the crook of your neck. "god, its been so long..." he murmurs, lips ghosting over your neck. you tense up at his choice of words— this isn't your mark. fuck.

you stop your healing slowly, and try to gently peel yourself away from this.... imposter.... but his grip tightens on you almost immediately. "please, [name].. i can't believe its you." he almost whines into your neck, pressing soft kisses into it. "i know im not your mark, but let me bring you home with me. i'll keep you safe. I promise. i'll be a better boyfriend than your mark is."

"mark and I... we aren't..." you trail off, but he gets the hint, and immediately shoots up into the sky, cradling you flush against his chest.

"shhh, my love, it's okay," he murmurs, even though you hadn't made a sound. "i'll take care of you, i promise. you and mom are coming home with me. this time I'll keep you safe."

no goggles!mark

he's absolutely obsessed with you

in his universe, you used to heal him no matter how badly he got hurt

-> the healing process hurt equally as much at the actual fighting, your powers working overtime to set his broken fingers back into place and regrow adult teeth in a matter of minutes

-> yeah he got off to it. he would sometimes let himself get a little more beat up just to see you

stalked you back in his universe! he's got your daily schedule and mannerisms memorized, down to what mugs you prefer

you haven't even stepped foot out of the kitchen when mark comes in through that window with loose bolts— some things really don't change, even across dimensions. you hear the window creak, and you turn to see him there. you know this isn't your mark; his mask and suit are slightly different, but also his expression. he looked too.. calm. too cheerful.

"hey, mark," you murmur, your voice dying in your throat. there's a solid chance he's going to hurt you, you think. your grip on the counter behind you tightens. "what're you doing here?"

before you can blink, he's floating inches away from you, bringing his hands up to cup your face tenderly, rubbing his thumbs over your cheeks. he leans close, inhaling your smell; fresh laundry mixed with mild rosemary. just like his [name].

"hey, you," mark coos, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your nose. he sounds too happy; too giddy. "missed ya sooo much, babes."

this isn't your mark. your mark is touchy, yes— but he knows his boundaries. his touches are arms thrown over shoulders, loose hugs, and light shoulder punches. not this. not tight squeezes on your shoulders, wet kisses across your face, or thighs rubbing against crotches. definitely not.

"we aren't dating," you whisper, gently curling your hand around the one holding your face, carefully peeling it away from you. mark snorts at that, and grasps the hair on the back of your head, gripping tightly. "sorry."

"well, in my universe, we are. isn't that good enough, [name]?" he giggles, and he pulls you so your lips crash against his, but its softer than you'd expect. it was almost sweet, if not for the intense grip on the back of your head. you bring your hands up to push against mark's chest. he chooses to ignore that, pressing you harder against the counter, forcing his tongue into your mouth and nibbling on your bottom lip.

"mark," you mumble against his lips, finally shoving him off of yourself, ignoring the little flip your stomach does. "i need to go help people."

"come on, i'd end up killing more people than you could save," he groans, letting his thumb trace over your bottom lip. "actually, I think you're saving more people staying with me here, dont'cha think? come onnnnn, [name]. don't you wanna keep all those people safe?"

mohawk!mark

hates how nice you are. like actually loathes it, and he tells you that

-> always talking about how you should be meaner, how you're a little pussy. his version of you doesn't take it to heart as much anymore

prob one of the few variants that won't be extra gentle with you because of your powers

-> "im not even being rough— you can just fix yourself later, stop bein' a crybaby."

definitely mocks you whenever you cry but licks the tears away anyways

he finds you when you're looking for your own mark. you tried calling him, texting him, asking cecil if he knew. nothing. then mark comes along, hovering over you with a nasty grin on his face. only... he's got the sides of his head shaved. of course you find a knockoff and not your actual mark..

you hold your hands up in a placating manner, as if you were dealing with a feral animal; you were, in a sense. except this was a more unpredictable situation.

"finallyyy," mark groans, floating down closer to you, arms crossed. "i was starting to think they didn't have you in this universe." he then pins you to the ground, his hands trailing and groping every inch of your body as he practically straddles you. "fuckin' missed this," he grins.

you tense up, and try to knee him in his crotch. he winces a little, spitting out a curse, and his thighs tighten around you. "come on, cutie, don't be a bitch," he scoffs, staring down at you. he grabs you hair, yanks your head up, and then proceeds to smash it down into the pavement. a strangled yell leaves your lips, your hands pawing pathetically at the pavement beneath you as a blue light circles around your shoulders. your head is throbbing, and you can feel a small sticky puddle forming under your head. you resist the urge to throw up.

"why're you.." you grit out weakly, hand grabbing at mark's thigh, nails digging into the flesh.

"awwwh, is little [nickname] tryna heal himself?" mark laughs, grabbing you by your throat and wrapping his hand tighter and tighter, pressing you down into the pavement. "you know only I can make you feel like this, yeah? i know you like it, so quit fucking struggling and be a good boy, hmm?" he coos, leaning down and messily smashing your lips together.

sinister!mark

uses you as his chewtoy. deadass

you're less of a romantic partner, more his property

-> if he's badly hurt and needs medical attention, he goes to you. if he needs sexual relief, he goes to you. if his teeth ache and he needs something to gnaw on, he goes to you.

keeps you close to him whenever he does anything; he can't have his property getting damaged, now can he?

finds you and your powers very interesting.. keeps you like a little science specimen

-> he talks down to you all the time, and he always expects an answer. nods or little noises won't cut it.

you're trying to help people, attempting to heal the people you just dug out of rubble. there was one more person you had to bring, but when you turn around, you see a floating figure clad in yellow and black, and wearing a cape. you've been at it for hours now; long enough to know this mark is fucking dangerous. even if he is anything like your mark, the chances of him being actually nice are.... pretty slim.

"ahhh. i was wondering when i'd find you. this is cute, trying to save all these people?" mark hums, hovering just in front of you. he smiles. its unnerving.

"mark. hi." you say, trying to keep your voice steady. you can feel the heat radiating off of his body. keeping your breathing consistent, you continue. "it's, uh, good to see you."

he doesn't bother acknowledging what you said. "you really think you can help these people? why?" he scoffs, and in an instant, he darts behind you. the warm blood splattered on your back processes faster than the screams. you turn around slowly. there he stood, atop the corpses of the civilians you had just struggled to save, his arm poking straight through a person's chest.

"m-mark—" your voice dies in your throat when mark turns to look at you. he hovers over, the metallic smell of blood filling your lungs. his feet finally touch the floor. he rolls his shoulders, muscles flexing.

"i told you. it's pointless. you're more useful for other things." he chuckles, his crimson-soaked hand squishing your cheeks together with one hand and grabbing you by the waist with the other . he tilts your head an uncomfortable amount, and bites down into your shoulder. he shoves your head into the crook of his neck to muffle your pained scream, but the sound still cuts clean through the silence. He moans at the taste of your blood, his teeth ripping off a chunk of your flesh. he runs his tongue over the newly formed crevice in your shoulder, lapping the blood up.

"go on. heal it." he says, digging his tongue into the wound. your hands dig into his back, clawing at the fabric of his cape and suit, your yells of pain barely muffled by his shoulder. you can feel your knees buckle underneath you, and your head feels heavy as you try and heal yourself. it's not working as fast as you'd hoped— you're long since exhausted from working for hours saving the now corpses behind you.

"god, are you even trying?" mark scoffs, and his hands dig into your side, fingers piercing the flesh by your ribcage. "come on, pet. you can do better than that," he sneers, dragging his nails down and through your skin.

the writing blurbs are so uneven im so sorry :< if you want me to do other variants lmk!! I might continue this with shiesty and viltrum mark at some point...

[itsnesss]

𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 | max verstappen × fem!reader

summary | in a quiet bar in monaco, you unexpectedly meet max, who finds peace and love in your ordinary, grounded life. max shows you that to him, you're anything but ordinary

warnings | fluff, romance, emotional

word count | 0.6 k

🖇 more mv1 🖇 f1 masterlist

You never planned on falling in love with someone like Max Verstappen.

In fact, your life had always been the opposite of an Instagram fantasy. You woke up early, made instant coffee, took public transport to work, and came home tired, repeating the same cycle of grey days. Until, for reasons you still don’t quite understand, Max walked into your ordinary world. No cameras. No Formula 1. No fans or flashing lights.

Just him. And you.

You remember that first night. You, sitting at the bar in a tucked-away spot in Monaco, and him, wearing a cap pulled low like he was trying to hide from the world that knew him. He talked to you like you were the only person in the room, like you weren’t just a normal girl living an ordinary life. He made you laugh. And when he walked you home, he didn’t say goodbye—he said, “Can I see you tomorrow?” Like it was the most natural thing in the world.

And it was.

He took you to places that didn’t show up on Google Maps. Laughed at the memes you sent him at two in the morning. Watched movies with you even if he fell asleep halfway through. Cooked for you—badly, but with effort. And every time he held your hand, he did it like it was the most extraordinary thing he’d ever done.

And you, someone who never cared about racing or speed, started to understand why he did it. Because with him, everything felt like a heartbeat. A rush. An unexpected curve.

But there was fear too.

Fear that one day he’d leave. That your world would go back to being grey. That you were just that: a regular girl, a pause in his shining life.

One afternoon, while Max was asleep face down on your couch, exhausted after a race with one hand hanging off the side like he was still dreaming of driving, you looked at him with your heart in your throat. You loved him. So much it hurt.

And you whispered:

“I’m nothing special, Max.”

He stirred. Opened his eyes, groggy, and when he saw your expression, he sat up.

“What did you say?”

“That… I’m not special. You could have anyone. Models, actresses, people who don’t have to Google what ‘pole position’ means.”

Max stared at you for a moment. Then he leaned in and cupped your face in his hands.

“You’re not ordinary,” he whispered, like every word was a vow. “Do you know what I feel when I’m with you? Peace. Reality. Life. You don’t make me run. You make me stay. You make me want more Sundays with you than podiums.”

Your eyes filled with tears, and he wiped them gently with his thumb.

“If you think you’re ordinary, then the whole world’s confused. Because to me… you make everything make sense.”

You hugged him. Like you were trying to stop time.

And he stayed. Not just that night.

He stayed through seasons, flights, wins and losses. He texted you from every country. Sent you flowers for no reason. Learned how to make your favorite breakfast. He introduced you to his world, but never let it change yours.

And that’s how someone like you—someone who thought they were living an ordinary life—ended up being the one constant in the life of someone who had everything… except you.

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One Two Three Four Five

“So Steve, I know you said that you don’t think you need anyone...” Eddie sighs, “do you think that implies that I think that what he thinks is wrong?”

“I think it implies you’ve lost your fucking mind.”

Eddie doesn’t even have the energy to glare at Dustin, it’s much easier to just pretend he hasn’t spoken, “okay, Steve-”

“Yeap, you’re really strong on establishing you know the guys name, which is like, a solid point in your favor.”

“I hate you,” Eddie says to the ceiling, neck at an odd angle where he’s flopped his head back over the arm of the couch, “so, Steve, I know you said you don’t need anyone, and you are totally right-”

“You’re a strong independent Omega who don’t need no Alpha!”

“So help me Henderson I will throw you out,” Eddie waits, but Dustin is finally silent on the matter, “Steve. I totally respect the fact that you are absolutely fine handling everything alone, and if you’re...happy with us, being friends, then I’m happy with that too. I did wonder, though, if you’d like to go on a date. With me. Maybe?” Eddie sighs, flopping his arms over his face, “I’m so bad at this. This is going to go so wrong and he’s going to hate me and never want to see me again and-”

“Eddie...has the Omega broken your brain? What the fuck is wrong with you man-”

“I don’t know! I don’t...I’ve literally never felt this way before, not about anyone. And Jamie, man, I know he’s not my pup, okay, Steve and I aren't dating, he’s literally my friends pup, that’s it but...I swear I would die for that kid, no question.”

“Okay...so just...ask him out? Steve I mean, not Jamie-”

Eddie huffs, “I don’t...I’m pretty sure I can’t. The more I think about it the more it feels...like Steve’s had a pretty bad run of Alphas, it sounds like, and I just don’t think he’d be interested. And he’s just literally had a pup, like Jamie is only just a month old, who am I to add to that, you know? Steve’s got enough to think about.”

“So...don’t ask him out?”

Eddie flops over onto his side, curling up so he can smush his face into the cushions, “but I really want to. I think it’s selfish though. I’m being selfish. I should just...be a good friend. Keep being a good friend.”

“And pine to death?”

“I mean. Seems like a reasonable way out.”

“Dude I do not know what to say to you,” the timer on the oven starts to buzz, “but at least you’re going to feed me, right?”

Eddie sighs, dragging himself out of the near suffocating safety of the gap in the couch cushions. He opens his message thread with Steve, scrolling back through the shared memes and screenshots and pictures. He reads little tidbits of conversation while he pulls out bowls and plates. The three dots appear, Eddie’s heart leaps a little because Steve is, right there. Right next door, with his phone in his hand, typing to Eddie.

‘I’d love some. I’ve made a banana cream pie if you want to take it back for your games night.’

Eddie sends back a shocked emoji, ‘I can’t take an entire pie.’

‘You won’t, my slice will be gone.’

Eddie smiles and slips his phone into his pocket. He slices two thick pieces of bread from the loaf he made this afternoon, wraps them, and then fills a bowl with casserole. Eddie’s pretty sure this bowl is Steve’s anyway; so many of their plates and bowls have been migrating back and forth it’s hard to tell any more, between Eddie’s dinners and Steve’s desserts.

He likes to bake something extra special for games nights though, he always says you can’t make just one cookie, or one slice of pie. He likes to make sweet things when he knows there will be people to give it to, otherwise, “I’ll just eat the whole thing Eddie!”

Eddie doesn’t see a problem with eating the whole thing, but he slips on his adventure crocs and heads out into the hall. Dustin doesn’t even tease too badly any more, even though Eddie’s sure it’s because he’s threatened to withhold Steve’s desserts.

Eddie knocks with the hand holding the bread, letting himself in when Steve calls, “it’s open!”

“Hey Steve, hey Jamie,” he sets Steve’s dinner on the little table, next to the juice and cutlery Steve’s already set out for himself.

“What do you have planned for them tonight?” Steve brings out a pie on a plate, a slice already gone, just like he said. It has real neat swirls of cream on top; it looks professional to Eddie, like you’d buy in a store.

“Destruction. Misery. Suffering. The usual.”

Steve hums, “uh hu. What color salad did you decide on in the end?”

Eddie sighs, “you say it Slaad. And I don’t know, what do you think?”

“I actually quite liked the idea for the dog shark thing, it was cute,” Steve hands over the pie, going on tip toes to kiss Eddie on the cheek as he hands it over.

“One home brew Bulette, coming right up,” Eddie replies absently. He’s pretty sure he’s gone at least a little pink, and Steve’s scent is fresh and bright in his nose for a moment, “I’d better…” Eddie gestures lamely with the pie, “you know.”

“Have fun!” Steve calls as Eddie lets himself out, “don’t go too hard on them!”

Eddie’s doing his best not too stare, he really is.

He has one foot on the stroller, rolling it gently back and forward. He has his guitar resting on the other knee, he strums, singing quietly to Jamie, “I'd rather be a forest than a street, yes, I would...if I could, I surely would.” Jamie burbles at him, waving his arms a little and making happy pup noises.

On the court, Steve laughs, and Eddie fails, and he looks. Steve’s wearing a tank top and those obscenely short shorts. Him and Chrissy are bouncing the ball at each other, catching it, doing a squat, a little jump, and bouncing it back. They’ve done all sorts of stuff like this, sweaty jock games. Steve’s short shorts riding up even further at the slightest provocation.

Jamie makes a noise, drawing Eddie’s attention back, “I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet, yes, I would...if I could, I surely would,” Eddie sings, soft and slow.

Steve and Chrissy come over eventually, Steve lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe at his sweaty face, fully showing Eddie his tummy in all it’s glory. It’s thick, but firm, decorated by a handful of stretch marks and a perfect dusting of happy trail, “thanks for keeping an eye.”

“Huh?” Eddie asks, feeling kind of dumb but still managing to strum along on auto pilot.

Next to him, Chrissy snickers around her water bottle.

“Thank you, for watching Jamie,” Steve says to him more slowly, smirking, his sweaty hair flopping across his forehead.

“Right, right, sure, of course. Anytime. Pleasure. Really.”

Next to him, Chrissy huffs. Eddie pointedly ignores it.

The knocking is awful. It’s relentless. It’s obnoxious. It’s definitely Robin.

“I know you’re in there!”

Yeap. Yeap that’s definitely Robin. Eddie groans into the couch cushion before dragging himself up. She’s speaking before he has the door fully open, “this is getting old.”

“And what might that be-”

Robin puts on the most obnoxious voice Eddie thinks he’s ever heard, she clasps her hands together, holding them to her chest and she bats her lashes coquettishly at the ceiling, “oh Eddie’s cooking is just the best ever. Did you know he plays guitar! He says he’ll teach Jamie when he’s old enough! And he’s so smart, he’s got so many books in his apartment-”

“Okay.”

“Did you know he’s artistic! He paints his little dungeon game miniatures and they’re so good-”

“All right.”

“You should just see him with Jamie-”

“Robin.”

“And he’s such a good Alpha! He’s so good to his friends, he puts in so much work-”

“And we are done,” Eddie goes to shut the door. He can’t handle this. He knows Robin probably means well, in her own meddling way, but he just...can’t. This has to be Steve’s choice, right? Steve’s been pretty clear why he went it alone, and Robin is just...teasing him. It makes Eddie feel all warm and bubbly inside, knowing that Steve says these things about him, that Steve...likes him. But...Steve has a pup, and just because he says these things behind closed doors, it doesn’t mean Eddie has any right to know them.

No matter how it makes him feel.

“Wait wait wait...can’t you just, ask him out? End all of our suffering?”

Eddie sighs, “Steve has enough going on without me making it more complicated, okay? Steve can...he’s perfectly capable of telling me this himself.”

“No he isn’t. Because Steve would never ask you to take on another Alpha’s pup.”

“He’s not another Alpha’s pup, he’s Steve’s pup,” Eddie tells her reflexively.

“Uh hu,” she has her hands on her hips now, looking at him expectantly.

Eddie swallows thickly, and he can’t quite look at Robin, “what if...what if I loose him?”

“You won’t. You know you won’t.”

“But-”

“Me and Chrissy are taking Jamie for the night, did you know that? Giving Steve a night off, and we’re getting some practice in for when we’re ready to have our own, you know?”

“I...did not know that.”

“Yeah.”

Eddie stands for a second, not sure what to say, down the hall, Steve’s door opens.

“-and it’s in the changing bag.”

“I got it.”

“Don’t forget to heat the formula to-”

“Steve,” Chrissy sounds exasperated, “we’ve got it,” she has Jamie in his car seat.

“Plus,” Robin whispers to him conspiratorially, “he’s going to have a heat at some point, so we gotta be ready for that. You know, wouldn’t be fair to which ever Alpha ends up helping him out-”

“I know what you’re doing,” Eddie growls, watching Steve fuss over the pup.

“Is it working?”

“Go away.”

Robin shrugs, and Eddie watches as she goes to Chrissy, taking the bag so Chrissy is just left with the car seat, “it’s going to be fine, and you can call us any time.”

Eddie ends up watching Steve, as Steve watches his pup and his friends disappear at the end of the hall. His shoulder sag a little, and Eddie can't help but go to him.

“Hey.”

Steve sighs, “would it be weird if we followed them?”

“Maybe. I’ll drive though.”

Steve smiles up at him, and it looks kind of watery, “what if we break into their place and take him back?”

Eddie shrugs, “pretty sure we could just ask but, whatever makes you feel better, I guess.”

Steve sighs, “I sound crazy,” and a tear finally escapes, sliding down his cheek.

Eddie can’t help but scoop him up into a big hug, “I think you sound like the best dad in the world. I’ll get you one of those mugs. You know, for fathers day.”

Steve sighs, and sniffles, “thanks Eddie.”

“You want take out? I’ve primed you a miniature, if you still want to try your hand.”

“Can we watch a shit film too?”

“Oh fuck me I’d love to watch a shit film,” Eddie says vehemently into Steve’s hair.

Steve laughs against his chest.

Steve doesn’t have it in him to try painting his owlbear tonight; he picks forlornly at his duck rolls, “I’m sorry I’m not very good company.”

“It’s okay, I get it...I miss him too.”

“Oh, so you admit I’m being shit company?” Steve smiles for the first time this evening.

“Oh, yeah, the absolute worst.”

Steve phone pings and he practically dives for it, but then he melts, face going soft as he looks at the message, “Jamie’s asleep,” he shows Eddie the picture.

“Safe and sound,” Eddie reassures Steve for probably the fifteenth time this evening.

“I didn’t...I mean I knew I’d love my pup but...I didn’t know it would feel like this, you know? It feels crazy. And I mean...Jamie’s happy, and healthy, and that just makes absolutely everything feel...right? Does that make sense? Like...fulfilled.”

“I...yeah. I think I understand,” Eddie tells him quietly, because he feels like that about the both of them, as long as Steve, and by extension, Jamie, are both happy and healthy then...yeah. Yeah, the whole world feels like it’s an okay place to be.

“Eddie I-”

“Steve-”

They speak over each other, and end up laughing, leaning closer together on the couch. The remains of Steve’s half eaten dinner get moved to the safety of the coffee table. They’re close enough then that Eddie can see the dim light from the TV reflecting in Steve’s eyes.

“You go,” Eddie whispers to him.

Steve shakes his head, but takes Eddie’s hand in both of his, rubbing his thumb over Eddie’s knuckles, Steve whispers back, “you first.”

“I...I really like having you in my life Steve. And I don’t want to...to fuck that up, by expecting more from you.”

“I...yeah. Same.”

“Same?” It comes out as a surprised laugh.

Steve’s laughing too now, “what do you want me to say I mean...you pretty much covered it.”

“I have spent ages agonizing over this and and and- all I get is- yeah. Same. I guess. I suppose.”

Steve is properly laughing now, “come here, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he pulls Eddie close, and manages to stop laughing long enough to kiss his cheek, “okay,” Steve takes a deep breath, “I’ve just had a pup, and both me and that pup care about you so very much, and I did not want to mess it up by expecting you to take that on, okay?”

“You’re not a chore Steve, neither of you are a chore.”

“I mean he was sick on me the other day and that kind of felt-”

Eddie cuts him off with a kiss. It’s soft, a gentle press of lips that Steve...sighs into. Relaxes into. Lets Eddie take both their weight. Steve’s hands find their way into Eddie’s hair as Eddie gently wets Steve’s lip, and Steve lets him in.

It feels like coming home.

[glamourscat]

RIN MATSUOKA HCS ♡

IT’S RIN’S BDAY TODAY MY BABY, MY ANGEL, MY LIGHT

gets super competitive over the smallest things. like. you'll mention you can do origami super fast and suddenly he's determined to master origami just to challenge you to a crane-folding race

definitely sends you memes at 3am and then gets grumpy when you don't respond immediately (he knows you're sleeping but still, he is a drama queen, affectionately)

practices and keeps up with his english by watching movies, loves when you join

secretly loves it when you play with his hair but will act all tsundere about it. "i guess you can continue... if you want..."

stress bakes?? like nobody knows this but when he's really anxious about a competition he'll just... appear with perfectly made cookies

has a folder on his phone labeled "not cute stuff" which is literally just pictures of you sleeping/smiling/being adorable that he took when you weren't looking

absolutely cannot handle horror movies but insists on watching them to seem tough. ends up hiding his face in your shoulder the whole time

“Rin, are you scared baby?” You say, trying not to chuckle as your hand gently touches his soft hair.

“No, shush” he murmurs, against your neck, as he hides his face even more.

has different types of smiles: the sharp competitive one before a race. the soft one when he sees you in the morning and it’s probably your favourite for how his face lights up completely and the proud one with the hint of tears in his eyes, not that he would ever admit it tho

lowkey collects shark plushies but claims they're "just gifts from fans" (they're not, he bought most of them himself)

gets flustered when you wear his team jacket but tries to act like it's no big deal (spoiler: it's a very big deal to him)

has definitely cried over finding a particularly cute dog on his morning jog but will deny it if anyone brings it up

despite having an odd relationship with his chunky cat Steve, he loves cats more than dogs. Despite him saying the opposite

unconsciously hums while cooking and gets super embarrassed if you catch him

the type to remember random little details about you and then surprise you months later by incorporating them into gifts

absolute disaster at taking selfies but keeps trying because he knows you love seeing his face when you're apart

hours on FaceTime when he is apart. You two will end up falling asleep together on a video call for how badly you miss the other

© GLAMOURSCAT (all rights reserved. do not share, modify, translate and re-upload my work outside of tumblr)

[thatfandomslut]

Not Into Guys

Regina George x Lesbian!Reader

Word Count: 1k

Trigger Warnings: Aaron Samuels (i'm joking, they're besties), underage drinking

Request:

Can I please request a fic where Regina is like “I know your secret you like Aaron” and super flirty reader is confused and like “Why would I like him when you’re here” and Regina is shocked and it’s super cute and they’re gay for each other!

Mean Girls requests are open.

This all started because of a rumor accidentally started by none other than Gretchen Wieners. "I heard her flirting with Aaron Samuels. She called him her boy toy." Gretchen informed Regina who crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair in thought. It wasn't hidden information that Regina George liked (Y/n). Regina thought they had a thing. Obviously, she was wrong if (Y/n) claimed Aaron to be her 'boy toy.' As she listened to Gretchen go on about everything she had heard, Regina's icy blue eyes landed on (Y/n) as she made her entrance into the classroom.

Typically, Regina had only kind things to say about (Y/n). Unfortunately, her entering with Aaron seemed to cause anything nice to leave her mind as she narrowed her eyes at them. She just couldn't understand why anyone in their right mind would choose Aaron over her. She was gorgeous, popular, and rich. However, Regina supposed that Aaron was kind and funny. People didn't usually associate Regina with those two attributes. Instead, they associated her with beautiful but mean. Which, was right, of course. Regina just hoped that wasn't something (Y/n) thought of her. She wanted (Y/n) to like her the way she did (Y/n).

"This class is kind of lame. I might leave before it starts," Regina interrupted Gretchen, hoping she would stop talking about (Y/n) and Aaron. If she had to hear any more information about them being together, she would either vomit or kill Gretchen. There was a possibility that both of those scenarios were likely, and she would commit both rather than either. Fortunately, the honey blonde beside her seemed to catch on, and she stopped talking about them. "It's not like I'm ever going to actually need geometry. I have people to do my math for me."

Karen nodded enthusiastically at the point that she made. Regina could easily ask Cady if she needed someone to look over floor plans. She was above math, she decided. Aaron had left once the bell rang, leaving (Y/n) by herself at her desk. A small, devilish smirk crossed Regina's lips as she stood up. "(Y/n), I was thinking about skipping class. Would you like to join us?" Regina questioned, and it didn't take a second thought for (Y/n) to accept the invite. Just like Regina, she didn't necessarily care for math. Instead, she would rather escape the confines of those four walls that held math puns and math memes due to the teacher trying to fit in. Karen and Gretchen were about to follow Regina out before she told them to stay. She had some things to talk to (Y/n) about. Specifically, things involving Aaron Samuels and why (Y/n) thought that Aaron was better than her.

Regina would never deny the fact that she was the jealous type. She had decided a long time ago that (Y/n) was going to be her girlfriend, Aaron wasn't going to ruin this plan with his boyish good looks or boy-next-door kindness. That was why Regina brought (Y/n) to the mall, to show off her money in an attempt to woo (Y/n). An attempt that failed as (Y/n) had to assure her over and over again that she didn't want anything Prada or Gucci. Regina was beginning to wonder how attached (Y/n) was to Aaron. If she couldn't convince her to date her over name-brand items, how was she going to convince her to date her at all?

"Okay, what's wrong, Regina?" (Y/n) questioned once they got to the food court. She was starting to grow concerned when Regina didn't comment on how badly styled the mannequins were like she usually did. She was starting to think that maybe it was something that she was doing wrong. If Regina would communicate with her, she would be able to accommodate and change whatever she was doing that was bothering Regina. "I feel like I've done something to upset you."

Regina realized she was beginning to let what Gretchen said about (Y/n) and Aaron get to her. However, instead of being able to keep it in, she was expressing it. A smile crossed her lips as she played it off. "Everything is fine, you did nothing wrong. Now that we're here, though, we can have girl talk." The two girls sat down, confusion bubbling (Y/n) at how quickly Regina changed her mood. "I know you're secret… You like Aaron Samuels." Regina stated confidently, looking down at (Y/n).

(Y/n), on the other hand, was only growing more confused. She wanted to laugh because of how confident Regina had said that. It was completely false. "Why would I have a crush on Aaron when you're here?" She questioned, crossing her arms as she looked up at Regina. It was unintentionally smooth. It caught Regina off guard as her cheeks began to heat up slightly at what she had said. "Aaron is my best friend, and I'm a lesbian." (Y/n) told Regina, wondering why she even thought she was remotely into him.

"Didn't you say he was your boy toy though? I've had great sources tell me this." Regina claimed. She sometimes needed to remind herself that Gretchen took information and ran with it. (Y/n) smiled a bit as shook her head. Leaning in, she kissed Regina, who reciprocated happily. She could hear her heart beating in her ear as she tried to keep herself from messing the kiss up by smiling at it. "Okay, okay, fine… You're not into Aaron."

(Y/n) laughed a bit at the comment before Regina pulled her back into a kiss. This time, she kissed deeper, not as nervous as the first time. Though, her heartbeat remained loud in her ears as they kissed. Regina couldn't care less if anyone was scowling, because all that mattered to her in that moment was how (Y/n)'s hands felt as they cupped her cheeks.

[denwritesandcries]

YJS HCs – body types

Pairings: Yellowjackets x fem!reader

Summary: Okay so, I was thinking about body types so I could add details to my Shauna fic, really small things like skin marks and other stuff and that made me think about the other yjs too. I'm not used to writing headcanons, but here are a few that I couldn't get out of my head.

Word count: 1,9k.

Content: my personal headcanons, cursing, suggestive, fluff, insecurities, hurt/comfort, recent pop culture references so i guess modern!AU??

Note: This is so random and specific I don't think anyone will read it but I wanted to write it so badly.

English is not my first language.

shauna shipman

- I think Shauna is the most athletic of the girls, since in the first episode it’s said that she is the fastest on the team. Not necessarily thin; she is solid. Solid and warm. A warm wall seeking your touch all the time.

- She would always try to keep one hand on you and every time she touched you, her skin would be scalding hot, as if she barely needed gloves in the winter and only wore them because you told her to.

- Big spoon! She likes to wrap her arms around you and let her body wrap you completely when you cuddle or sleep together, her weight relaxing against you.

- Shauna is strong, like really strong and she knows it, her arms and legs are toned from training and she takes advantage of this to tease you at any opportunity, carrying things for you willingly (your backpack, shopping, whatever, she would be exactly like the *aggressively moves all groceries to one hand to hold yours* meme), rolling up the sleeves of her flannels ‘cause the muscles stand out, pressing you against walls/counters or simply carrying you during makeout sessions and nothing you do will take away the smug smile on her lips – well, barely nothing.

- She would also wear tank tops and shorts frequently just to make you nervous and receive compliments. It's ridiculous ‘cause she really thinks she's being subtle (she isn't).

“Shaunie, you sure you don’t want a jacket?”

“No, I’m good like that.” She's not, but she won't admit it.

“It’s raining.” You insist.

“The cold doesn't bother me anyway.” She shrugs, but leans back against you, placing her chin on your shoulder.

You snort, “Sure thing then, Elsa.”

- Shauna has a happy trail! Little baby hairs going up to her navel where she melts into a puddle when you caress her, goosebumps covering her skin in the same second.

van palmer

- I believe Van has rough hands from her goalie gloves! They're always warm even if the rest of her body isn't ‘cause of the constant movement – she expresses herself a lot with her hands too. She likes to run them down your sides just to see how your skin crawls, sometimes she does it out of nowhere just to scare you because she thinks it's funny.

- I think her skin is very sensitive, the kind that's full of moles and burns easily in the sun – you're constantly reminding her to put on sunscreen, but it's no use – she loves it when you trace patterns on her spots before bed or when you're bored somewhere.

- Her skin being so sensitive also means that hickeys and scratches are really hard to hide on her. She doesn't mind, in fact she seems to enjoy it a lot, you catch her a lot of times watching the marks spread across her shoulders and neck as they take days to disappear. That doesn't stop her from teasing you tho.

“It's been a week and there's still a purple mark on my neck. What are you, a damn vampire?” She mocks.

“Nah, you act like you wouldn't love me to be your Edward Cullen.”

She lifts her chin at you, “A leech then.”

"Van!"

- She has a belly and is very proud of it! She says it's the best for defending the goal and that it makes her fall to catch the ball less painful; She'll flex her muscles like a gym athlete when she's changing playfully just to seduce you (it works every time). She loves it when she lies in your arms after a bad day and you squish her tightly, it helps her calm down.

- She also has a happy trail, but she is too ticklish, like really ticklish. Many of your makeout sessions end up interrupted by her giggling when you drag your hands too softly under her shirt, she prefers firm touches.

- Van definitely has lots of small scars spread across her body from accidents over the years, that little weirdo (affectionate).

nat scatorccio

- Nat is as pale as a ghost, it would be impossible not to notice when you made her blush for any reason. She would try to distract you so you don't pay attention to it, but it wouldn't put off anything.

- The dark circles under her eyes are extremely pronounced, both due to her paleness and the heavy makeup she wears, so you always know when she's had a bad day or simply hasn't slept enough. She will complain incessantly about you making her stop and rest, but she will always do what you ask.

- I truly believe that she has lots and lots of moles all over her body, especially on her back.

- Some are bigger than others, large spots on the skin and she pretends that her heart doesn't warm with the fascination you have for them, but the prominent red face says everything you need to know.

“They look like small constellations, Nat," you sigh dreamily, hands soft on her naked skin, “Man, I wish I knew a single shit about stars so I could name them.”

“I’m shirtless in front of you and that’s what you’re thinking about?”

- I think she would have a lot of acne, especially on her face from sleeping and forgetting to take off her cheap makeup often, you would have to do a skin care routine together for her to really start taking care of it.

- She definitely has a tattoo scar that she got from one of those shady professionals before she was eighteen and didn't take care of it properly. You almost freaked out when she showed it to you out of fear that it would get infected. In the end she ended up with a weird drawing and a skin failure, but for Nat it was totally worth it, she says it makes her look like a badass (it's definitely not just because you kiss the mark every time you see it).

lottie matthews

- Alright then, let me tell you, this girl is FREEZING from head to toe. No matter how well she dresses up, her whole body will remain strangely cold, which worries you at a certain point, so what better way to keep her warm than to have her glued to you like a koala all day?

- She would place her cold hands on your neck just to bother you and then smile innocently when you took them in yours to rub them and blow warm air on them. That smartass.

- Lottie is tall (at least a lot taller than me) and I think she would have a lot of growth marks, you don't grow like that as a teenager without some.

- Light streaks on the back, hips, legs and thighs that would vary in tone over time. I think she would have the habit of hiding them so that people wouldn't comment, wearing long stockings with her skirts at school parties.

- She would be so flustreaded if you showed that you liked them by running your hands up her inner thighs, scratching her back gently to feel the smooth texture of the taut skin. It makes her feel so loved.

- She has sun spots on her face, around her eyes and cheeks. You think it's so beautiful that you could admire it for hours, anywhere, but you usually do it in bed in the morning.

“Are you watching me sleep, dear?” Lottie mumbles as she wakes to find you giving her a love gauze.

“Hm-hm,” you deny quietly, “‘Not watching you sleep. I’m watching you.”

“Oh.”

jackie taylor

- Now, Jackie would have stretch marks and be completely insecure about them. The girl needs constant validation about everything that concerns her and you better give it to her, she just wants to feel loved.

- Marks on her hips and chest that most of the time wouldn't even be visible, but she would still remember they were there. You run your hands down her sides as gently as possible and she will have tears in her eyes as you snuggle, heart warm.

- Your support helps her feel more comfortable with her own body over time, but she still wants compliments every day and will give you hints ‘til you comply with her requests.

- Jackie has freckles! This is actually one of the things she likes most about her face, the trail of dots around her nose and eyes. She’ll melt into a puddle on the floor if you start to kiss them one by one, but will lose patience if you decide to count them and stop the act of leaving wet kisses on them. She's not very good at waiting.

“Babe!” She whimpers.

“Just a second, sweetie, I’m almost finishing.” You continue, a look of pure concentration on your face, muttering “35, 36, 37…”

“No.” She says, hand grabbing the collar of your t-shirt and pulling you against her, “Come back now.”

- Jackie isn't necessarily icy, but she gets cold very easily and isn't shy about asking for your coat or jacket when you're together. Your girlfriend is a princess, better treat her like one. She'll squeeze her body against yours in bed and steal the blankets to stay warm.

- She has spots on her arms! Hundreds of light spots on the outside of the wrists to the shoulders, it's almost imperceptible, but so cute. Make sure to always let her know how beautiful she is.

misty quigley

- I think Misty has acne scars on her shoulders and cheeks, little red dots spreaded. She don't mind it most of time, but can be very insecure about it.

- She would be really suspicious if you just showered her with compliments out of nowhere just ‘cause you think she’s upset, so acting is better. Actions speak more to her.

- Place soft kisses on her shoulders, gently bite her cheek so she rolls her eyes in that nervous way she does. Make her feel beautiful as she is – because she is.

- She would be so pleased with you spoiling her that she would pretend to be sad about it a lot of times just to get your attention, she is an evil little genius. It’s captivating.

- She has freckles too! Little dots on her face so lightly that you only see them when she takes off her glasses, but they are there.

“I kiss you everyday, how did I never notice your freckles before?”

“Oh, I don't know.” She shrugs innocently, “Maybe you should take a closer look, baby.”

- She thinks she's so smooth but in reality she's a mess, the girl can't pick up social cues to save her life.

tai turner

- Okay so, Tai is the type who takes the football really seriously and works hard to win and to do that she would try to stay in shape as much as possible. I can easily imagine her doing extra training sessions and her friends teasing her about it, ‘cause Tai, it's a high school team.

- Because of this, I think she would have stretch marks on her back and calves, light fine lines that stand out against her dark skin. These are marks of her effort, so she shows them with great pride.

- She gets very smug and her skin crawls when you run your nails over the marks on her back.

- Tai is strong, strong enough to break someones leg on the field (sorry not sorry allie) and will show off for it whenever she gets the chance. She likes to wrap her arms around you from behind and lift you off the ground when she's passing by.

- She has sun spots on her face and arms! You think it's so cute, but if you say something silly and cheesy about it she'll roll her eyes and tell you to stop embarrassing her.

You sigh, “You are so, so pretty, Tai.”

“And you are so, so lame.” She echos, “...Come here, let me kiss you.”

- Happy wife, happy life. Always make her feel appreciated, she deserves it.

[etoileee]

please please please tell me what percy is like😛

PERCY JACKSON IN MY DR Ψ

I’m so sorry this took so long! I don’t know why but I genuinely find it so hard to describe literally anything from my dr, like when I’m asked for example what Percy is like, I can’t come up with words that describe him... I just get these abstract thoughts and emotions that I associate with him.

It might be the fact that I'm dyslexic lmao but going on;

I don't consider Percy Jackson intimidating, but he definitely can be 1000%

He isn't shy at all, for example when I first met him we made eye contact, and he DID NOT look away. like I won't lie sometimes when I make eye contact with people I try and see if I can make them look away first just for the fun of it, but no he put my ass in my place that day.

I made a post talking about how people too often forget that he's a New Yorker and borderline juvenile and a lot of you thought it was funny but I am SERIOUS SEND HELP

He's a bit blunt, very honest. if he doesn't like some shit you're doing he'll tell you. I mentioned in my last post that he isn't afraid of confrontation and truly I mean it, I'm the type that tries to avoid it but once the opportunity presents itself he jumps to it, and he WILL fight ur ass, especially if it's someone he cares about that's on the line.

besides that part of him, I also noticed he is very protective. again, especially about people he cares about. he is the type that will defend you if he's with people who are talking badly about you and then tell you what they said about you then never talk to them again.

In my dr him and I just recently met so I haven't really experienced protective Percy, he did end up defending me two times, once during Capture the Flag and once when we were training, and both times I was honestly shocked. like I know his fatal flaw is his loyalty, but I didn't think he would say anything in my defence.

When I told him "You didn't have to do that" he got annoyed. dead ass told me "Why wouldn't I?" alright then... lemme shut up

HE IS SOOO SASSY

He's leading the sassy man apocalypse I've watched him roll his eyes when Dionysus talks or literally when anyone says anything he doesn't like... like okay princess calm down.

It's honestly really funny though I giggle a lil when I notice him getting annoyed.

something else I noticed is that low-key he's good with kids and it's really cute to watch. He's awkward as hell yes but he's good at helping them not doubt themselves.

I watched him help a group of what I think were nine-year-olds with sparring, he was a bit of an awkward teacher yes but after a few encouraging words their little doubtful faces went away, and once they got it right he would be like "See? I told you, you could do it."

Those memes that are like "Percy from his pov" and it's him just thinking he's an average teenage boy and then the "From everyone else's pov" and he's like a god are so accurate he's a little bit mesmerizing ngl.

overall I like Percy, but we're both trying to figure each other out and its so obvious. I wouldn't say we're friends yet, but we might be getting there. slowly but surely 😭

as of right now our relationship is that of two people forced into a group project for school that are slowly getting to know each other

[justastraymoa]

Yet Unnamed

Chapter 7

Masterlist | Ch 8.

🥳Y/n first date🥳

Warnings for Yet Unnamed: Kidnapping, cuffs, injuries, drugging by injection, mentions of needles, lots of swearing, kissing, fluff, angst, idiots in love all around, sharp weapons being thrown for fun, zombies.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl. Pics off pinterest.

Your ‘Introducing our 9th member’ YouTube video was being filmed today.  You were in a room just a couple of doors down from where the boys were going to shoot their part of the video.  But while they were together, you would be all alone, and you were terrified.

“I can’t do this.”  You were nearly hyperventilating as you stood on the set.  Your knees felt like jelly in a bad way and your mind raced with all the worst outcomes.  You paced and fidgeted through hair and makeup, struggling to get into your outfit because your hands shook so badly.

Chan stayed with you for as long as he could.  He stopped your pacing and rubbed the tops of your arms from behind as you both looked at the set again.  “Yes, you can.  It’s just questions about you.  Be yourself.  Be honest.”  He replied.

The problem was you suddenly had no idea who you were.  What was your favorite color?  Are you a cat or dog person?  What did you fucking do for fun?  You had no fucking clue anymore.

You turned from the set.  Because this was going on YouTube you had planned most of it and you would also edit together the video later, but you had actively been avoiding thinking about your part in the actual footage.  You have never been on camera like this before.  Millions and millions of people would watch this video and judge everything you said and did.  They would ruthlessly rate how you looked down to every individual eyelash.  You would be MEMEd and GIFed within minutes of the video premiere.

“We can just release the photos and write a blurb about me on the caption.  They don’t need to know me.  They really don’t care.”  You argued nerves getting the better of you.

Chan smiled at you softly and kissed your forehead, completely understanding your panic.  “You can do this.  STAY will love learning about you.  And you have all of us in the studio down the hall if you need anything.  We will keep our phones on.  Call or text any of us, and we will be over in a flash.”  He promised.  He held your face in his hands, careful not to smear your makeup.

He took a deep, purposefully slow breath, waiting for you to follow his lead.  Then he took another, and another.  Until your nerves were at a more manageable level.  For now.

Chan stood just off camera as you waited in the comfy plush white chair.  Final checks and adjustments were being made.  This part was all director and camera work.  Your work came before and after this.

Before you knew it, they were calling Chris away to start their own checks, and he was waving one last time before leaving you alone.

You tucked your phone away with another deep breath.  You can do this.  You can do this.  You can do this.  You don’t have a choice.  You already committed.  You can do this.

The interviewer cleared their throat and began.  “So start with your name.”

You plastered on the practiced pleasant face you had been working on.  “My name is l/n f/n, and I am the 9th and final member of what is known as the Stray Kids soul group.

“How did you find out you were the 9th member?”

This was the whole reason we were doing this interview.  Hopefully to stop anyone from ever finding out you were kidnapped and drugged into this situation.  Not that you didn’t choose to and want to stay.  You didn’t regret your choice at all.  Not even once.  “It was actually JYP who found me using his incredible reach and resources.  He brought me to Korea as a surprise to Stray Kids.”  It physically hurt to say anything decent about that disgusting man, but it was a necessary evil.  And the story was close enough to the actual truth to be an easy lie to keep.

“Were their any issues in the beginning?  Beyond the language barrier?”

You blinked.  You had come up with and approved the questions, but the language barrier part was improvised by the interviewer and unexpected.  Though you had agreed to some improvisation to make it seem more like a conversation, it still caught you off guard.

“They do not know it, but I am fluent in Korean.  I learned from my grandfather at a young age.  He taught me everything about my culture and heritage.  It was very important to him.”

Now it was the interviewers turn to blink, stunned and thrown off.  They recovered quickly, though, and immediately switched languages.

“You never told them?”

You shrug with a playful smile.  “They never asked.  It was never an issue.  They all speak English well enough.  And I was curious about what they would say if they thought I didn’t know what they were saying.”

“Well they will certainly know now.  What do you think their reactions will be?”

“I think they will be shocked.  It will be fun to see their faces when they realize.”

You were relaxing into the interview now.  You had found the groove and were feeling good about how this was progressing.  The questions about your speaking Korean got you off track, but in a good and natural way.

Plus, it gave you an idea.  You would need to record their reactions later when they find out.  It would be entertaining and fun.  Something STAY would enjoy watching as much as you will.

Your interview ended first, which wasn’t shocking.  Their answers would take longer because there were more of them.  You still stayed off their set though, so they would feel free to answer honestly.  You would see their video later when you edit it anyways.

Instead, you doom scroll online and sent funny Stray Kids memes to the boys. Spamming them with themselves. You found it endlessly funny to find ones that make you crack up and share them with the boys. They had the best reactions.

But only a few memes in Lino appeared and dragged you gleefully to their set. It was the same color scheme as yours was. But instead of a single chair there was two overstuffed couches and a coffee table with some snacks. They had several pillow and fluffy blankets to use and get comfy with. It was meant to be a cozy, comfortable chat.

You werent supposed to be a part of their interview. This wasnt in the script. "You are missing the point of having seperate interviews." You point out as Lino set you firmly between him and Hyunjin.

Hyunjin thew an arm around your shoulders. "We missed you."

"And you were blowing up our phones with memes." Chan rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I love looking at Stray Kids memes! I'll always be a STAY at heart. Now your number one fan!" You wink at Chan teasingly, making red dust his cheeks.

"We are almost done anyways. We spilled all the dirt on you already." Seungmin munched on a snack from the coffee table.

"Oh good. I feel less guilty now about spilling the tea on you." You didnt actually spill any Stray Kids tea and you doubted they spilled dirt on you, this was all banter for the camera.

For the next fifteen minutes you cuddled on the couches, chatted, and played around. You honestly forgot that you were being filmed or that there were staff in the room watching you. It was just you and your soulmates chilling, like any night at home.

~

The next morning over breakfast you noticed Chan acting fidgety. He kept glancing over at you as you scrolled through the socials you hadn't deleted yet and caught up on emails.

They had already sent you the raw footage from the interviews to edit together. But you weren't going to work on it today. Today was your day off and you were going to try very hard not to work.

"What's on your mind, Channie?" You finally asked clunking your phone onto the tabletop.

Chan coughed, choking slightly on his food as he was called out. Bin smacked his back and Lino rolled his eyes. "Can't even eat properly. Getting old enough that we have to puree your food before giving it to you?" Lino teased. You kicked his chair and gave him a look to be nice. In response he stood and left the room, coffee in hand.

"Chan? Everything okay?" You ask again when he was back in control of himself.

He cleared his throat twice to buy himself some time. "We haven't really talked about it. Just kind of brushed by. But we were talking and decided to ask. You can always say no. We would respect that one hundred percent! And it wouldn't change anything if you did! Promise!" He started rambling. Words vomiting out of his mouth that made sense but had no context for you to understand what he was referring to.

You really had no idea what he was trying to get at. He hadn't asked a question for you to say yes or no to. He hadn't even alluded to a question. Did he expect you to be able to read his mind? Because while you were learning the little tells of your soulmates, you had yet to master reading their mind. That would take more time.

Bin cut Chan off eventually, ending his rant and clearing things up for you. "We wanted to know if you want to go on dates with us. Individually and group dates. Like we do with each other already."

"Yes. That." Chan agreed letting out a breath and giving Bin a thankful look full of relief.

You bit your lip to stop from smiling as you felt like being a gremlin and teasing the man a bit. "Yes what, Chan?"

"Ugh, really?" Chan immediately caught on to your teasing.

Hey, if you were going to be asked out on your first date from a soul mate, it was going to be done properly. There would only be one time that you got to go on your first date with Chan and it would be done right, damn it. Even if you had to tease it out of him. You smiled and waited patiently, sneaking a teasing glance at Bin.

Chan sucked his teeth. "Willyougoonadatewithme?" His mouth didn't even move as he spoke quickly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Say again?"

"You make me regret this already." Chan sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. Bin laughed. "Will you, Y/n, my sweet, sweet, loving and beautiful soul mate. Who likes me enough to at least put me out of my misery one way or another. Will you please go on a date with me?"

"I would love to go on a date with you, my handsome Channie." You answer trying to hold back the giggles from his over the top third attempt at asking you out.

"Really? You want to try and be romantic with us?" Chan seemed surprised by your acceptance.

"I mean yeah. I thought we were naturally heading that direction." It's not like you hadn't been affectionate with each other. It was little things right now. Cheek kisses, hugs, cuddles, sneaky head kisses. But affection nonetheless.

"Awesome! I'm first. We are going in age order to keep it fair and not cause arguments." He explained.

You shrugged. "I know nothing about that. You are the only one who has asked me out." If he didn't think you would make each and every one of them properly ask you out, he did not know you well enough yet. You were going to drag them through asking you out just like you had Chan. And you would savor each and every memory from it.

"Thats their problem. Can you go today? Because I kinda already have a date planned."

"You have the date planned already even though you didn't know if I would say yes or not?"

"Well I figured if you said no, I could still take you just to have fun together in a nonromantic date way." He shrugged.

You wanted to coo. He had thought a lot about this date. Thinking through all possibilities so you would be comfortable. It was very sweet of him.

"What should I wear?" You asked.

"Casual. Movable. I would suggest pants." He informed. "I'll pick you up in 2 hours?"

You paused. "We live together. Where are you picking me up from?"

"Your room, obviously! It's our first date, let me do it right, Y/n, gosh!"

"Okay sorry! Two hours, my room. Got it." You fake salute him with 2 casual fingers.

Bin snorted, quietly watching your whole exchange. "You are such a nerd." He pushed at Chan playfully.

"Maybe. But this nerd has a date!" Chan shouted that last bit throughout the apartment. He stood with a huge smile and put his dishes away before coming to give you a kiss on the cheek and leaving the room with a bounce in his step.

Just over 2 hours later you laughed in delight when you saw where he was taking you. "Axe throwing! I've never done it before!" You took his offered hand as he opened the car door for you, and you went to the front desk.

"I saw you watching videos a couple times and thought it looked fun. I've never done it either." Chan admitted. This was new for both of you then. It will be fun to learn it together. And most likely be really bad at it together.

The instructor led you to a 'lane' and demonstrated how to throw an axe and a star. There were several projected fames you could also play so you weren't just throwing axes at a wooden board over and over again. It included tictac toe, hangman, and a zombie killing game.

You of course started with killing some zombies. You expected to miss every time since you had never thrown either weapon before, so you shrieked in happiness when your very first throw stuck into the wooden wall without a problem.

"Aha! You see that! It actually stayed!" You hopped and thew you arms around Chan, already having the time of your freaking life!

Chan laughed in delight and caught you with a huge smile on his face. "And you got a zombie first try!" He pointed out.

"Your turn! Your turn!"

You spent the hour and a half time limit playing each game in turn, the smile never leaving your face. And you only stabbed yourself once with the sharp point of the throwing star. You hadn't even really noticed, but Chan immediately did.

As soon as he saw the tiny drop of blood on the back of your hand, he worriedly grabbed it. It was no more than you would get at the doctor from a finger prick test.

"It's okay, babe. I just wasn't careful when I removed it from the wall and one of the points got me. It doesn't even hurt." You vaguely panicked when you realized you let a pet name slip, but Chan didn't notice, to preoccupied digging into his pocket.

Amazingly, he pulled out a band aid and antibiotic ointment. "You brought first aid?" You asked him in shock.

He ignored the obvious question. "You should still take care of it. Don't want it to get infected or scar." He mumbled brow furrowed in concentration as he nursed your hand.

You melted. He thought ahead so much that he came prepared with first aid in case something happened with the sharp weapons you were going to be using. He really prepared for everything.

Sighing in fond exasperation, you were completely smitten with him and his caring personality.

When your time was up for axe throwing, he took you for some food nearby, both of you still smiling.

"This was super fun, Channie. Thank you so much!" You were swinging your hands between you as you walked slowly back to the car, enjoying your time just you and him.

"Thank you for agreeing to come. Especially since we gotta be so careful and secretive in public." He responded.

It's true, though you hadn't really noticed it much, too focused on the man you were with and how much fun you were having. You both had to disguise yourself out in public so no one would see you together and spoil the upcoming reveal. You had easily accepted it as the norm when he brought it up at the beginning of the date.

Once inside the security of your apartment building, he immediately removed the disguises, looking relieved. You giggled and mussed his flattened hair into something a bit better. He let you, with a thanks and smirk when you were satisfied.

In the elevator, you didn't let yourself overthink it. You leaned in and pecked his lips before moving away again and looking ahead.

However, he caught your wrist gently in his fingers and slid his other hand to cradle your face and neck as he pulled you close again. You met the kiss halfway this time. The kiss was still a mild one but lasting much longer than your peck on the lips, and you let your body melt against his.

You eventually made it back to the apartment, sharing one last kiss before rejoining the others.

Lino appeared as you were removing your shoes, his arms crossed.

"Finally! I thought we were going to need to send a search party for you! We need to set a curfew." He chastized.

"Lino, hun, it's not even dark out." You pointed out patting his shoulder as you used it for balance.

"A time limit then. Or check in points. Something!"

I looked up at him. "Do you do that with your other dates?"

"No, but it's different with you!"

Chan kissed Linos's cheek in greeting. "Sorry we worried you. We will check in next time." He promised soothing Lino gently.

Linos posture relaxed. "It's just. You know there are dangerous fans out there. It's a risk to let your guard down too much." He sighed.

You were reminded again how different your life was going to be now with Stray Kids. Even a simple date was more of a risk. Going out in public at all was putting yourselves in danger. Not just from being recognized, but to be mobbed as well. And if we weren't careful, someone could overhear or see something that could damage Stray Kids' reputation. The realization was kind of mind-boggling.

"Hey, you're back! How was it?" Felix asked as soon as he saw us. He didn't seem to be as worried as Lino was.

You felt your face light up as you remembered. "Amazing! We went axe throwing! It was so fucking fun!" You gushed. You immediately brought out your phone to show off the pictures you took.

"Hyung setting the date bar high, huh?"

"It's not a competition, Lix."

Lix laughed through his nose with a half smile.

"We are a group of eight men and one woman. Everything is a competition when it comes to you." Lino stated. Chan and Lix nodded in agreement. You sighed and rolled your eyes.

The rest of your day off was spent catching up on chores and unpacking the boxes of your stuff that had finally arrived. You also needed to build a bookshelf you bought. It had been leaning on your wall since it had been delivered. You were procrastinating the headache and frustration of building the damn thing.

So, keeping up with ignoring things you didn't want to do - or build - you started by unpacking what you could without the shelf. Mostly what little clothes you decided were worth keeping, and the collectables you couldn't bring yourself to give up.

Admittedly a lot of the collectables were Stray Kids and other K-pop memorabilia. Other groups that you stanned. You couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed by all of it for the first time in your life. But there was no way you could let it all go.

So, you hung up your fan made OT8 skzoo art in the frames on the tree Hyunjin painted and set up your skzoo plushie collection on your dresser. Your multiple K-pop shirts got put away carefully and the acrylic stands went on the dresser and desk. One or two even on the bedside tables.

After a few more sentimental items were set up or put away, you could no longer ignore the bookshelf. You were at a point that you could no longer put the rest away without it. Everything left was set to be displayed on it.

You dumped the boxes contents unceremoniously on the floor before looking for the instructions that got buried. The noise attracted a curious Han.

"Oh! It's so cute in here!" He complimented looking around at the new additions.

You flapped your hands at him, blushing. "Stop looking! I was STAY before ever meeting you, I couldn't just let all this stuff go! I spent years and a lot of money collecting it!"

"You are too cute!" He gushed just a little teasing.

You sighed. "Whatever. You may not want to stay in here. I'm about to curse a lot trying to put this stupid shelf together."

"Want some help?"

"Thank you for the offer, but it's okay."

"You sure? I don't mind. I kinda like doing stuff like this. Plus, it will go faster with two people."

Yah, true, sure. But You were used to doing things alone and you just knew you would get frustrated and snap at Han. Then later you would feel terrible. This was all still too new and you didn't want to hurt any of them on any day, but you really didn't want to make them hate you and send you away.

But still, the offer was tempting. "Okay. I'm sorry in advance, though, for anything I may say or do." You warned him

Han waved you off with an easy smile and sat on the floor across from you. "Don't worry about it. I understand."

Together you open the instructions and lay it flat on the floor. There were a lot. It unfolded to poster size or bigger. Sure, it had pictures, but not nearly enough to make up for the sheer number of instructions there were.

You suddenly regret every decision that led you to this moment right here. The work ahead of you seemed so daunting and impossible.

"Okay. It's a shelf. Can't be too difficult." Han said quietly, more to himself to you.

As it turns out, even building furniture is better with your soulmates. Han had this cute little frustrated pout that melted your own frustration any time you saw it. In between the two of you and the directions in two different languages, you were managing to figure the shelf out well enough.

"I think we put this piece on upside down." You said tilting your head sideways.

Han studied the shelf, then the picture on the directions intently. "Damn it. We did. Fucker!" He concluded.

You laugh as his pout increased and he began to grumble under his breath while removing the upside-down piece. Your laugh made him look over at you, and something he saw made the frustration leave his facial features and be replaced by a soft smile.

Finally, after 90 minutes, you both dusted off your hands and stood back, admiring your handiwork. He helped you move your new, extremely heavy, 5-teir bookshelf to a nice blank spot on a wall. It fit perfectly.

"Now you just got to fill it up." Han sighed. He flopped on your bed and made himself comfortable.

You kick the box half full of books, albums, and photocard binders gently with your bare toe. "That's the easy part."

You bent and grabbed some books first. You had kept several of your favorites that had beautiful dust covers or printed edges. Some were signed by the author. And some were just your favorites. Worn down from being read over and over again.

You place them on the shelf in such a way that it displayed the beautiful art or edges. You took great pride in your little collection. And you would have fun collecting more and adding them to the empty spaces you still had on the shelf.

The albums came next. You had acrylic stands for displaying your favorites or the ones with amazing covers. They are placed just so to show them off.

The photocard binders are something that you spent a lot of time on and were very particular about how they went on the shelf. You didn't really display them like the books or albums. There were a select few favorites in protective cases and displayed, but very few. The binders went on by group and placed in timeline order within their respective groups. You were slightly OCD about it, and it drove you nuts when anyone messed with them.

Finally finished unpacking, you glanced over at Han and noticed with a start that he had fallen asleep watching you finish your room. You carefully grab a blanket and drape it over him, tucking him in gently. It was late, and he had stayed up to help you. The least you could do was leave him to sleep. And you really didn't mind sharing the bed with him for the night.

Quickly and quietly changing into your pjs, you crawled slowly into the bed next to him, scootching under your comforter carefully and flipping off the light. Relaxing when your movements didn't wake him up. To prevent gossip and rumors among the group, you left the door open. You weren't sure how 'that' part of the relationships worked yet and didn't want to cause problems.

It was odd sleeping with another body next to you. You were used to sleeping alone. But that being said, you fell asleep quickly and deeply. Feeling content and secure among your soulmates, and doubly so with one closer than usual.

👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻

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[carriesthewind]

Good evening everyone! As I said in an answer to a previous ask, there wasn't a public call-in line to listen to the Show Cause Hearing in Mata v Avianca (the ChatGBT lawyer case) today.

However, while we are waiting for a transcript of the hearing (because there was a court reporter! yay!) and a written decision by the judge, we did get this absolutely anxiety-inducing live tweet of the hearing:

(Caveat: this thread was not an official transcript of the hearing and should not be taken as such. It is possible the actual events and statements made in the hearing differ significantly from this report - i.e., take this with a grain of salt and reserve final judgement for the actual transcript.)

I'll put the full thread with some (light) commentary below the cut.* But the overall impression I am left with is that the judge seems to feel this pair of attorneys are treating their duty of candor toward the tribunal with the same seriousness with which they are treating their duty of competence to their clients. (And in this case, that's a very bad thing.)

*The full thread except for a soon-to-follow part 2 because I ran out of space for images again.

(All of the following screenshots are from the above tweet thread by Inner City Press @ innercitypress on twitter, made on June 8, 2023.)

Normally I would overlook that "you, personally," but in this case, you really get the feeling that the judge is concerned that LoDuca might just start talking about what Schwartz did again.

Establishing LoDuca's base of knowledge - he should know how to look up cases and check if they are real; he should know what a real case looks like.

The March 1 submission was the plaintiff's opposition to the motion to dismiss, where they first cited the fake cases.

How bad this answer is depends, I think, on LoDuca's wording here. Best case scenario, his statement about Schwartz was a specific statement about what inquiry was reasonable for him to do under the circumstances (which - for that first filing - I think is actually a reasonable argument. You don't expect your colleague to just make up cases). Worst case, this reads like him trying to wiggle out of his obligations. I will withhold judgement until I see the official transcript.

Rule 11, by the way, refers to Rule 11 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. Rule 11(b) states:

(If you remember the Order to Show Cause, we are dealing with a Rule 11(b)(2) issue here. Rule 11(c) allows the court to impose sanctions for violations of Rule 11(b))

Oh no, bad answer. (If anyone reading this is good at photoshop, I cannot express how badly I want a version of the "this sign can't stop me because I can't read" meme with the sign being the quote from defendant's reply where they say, "The undersigned has not been able to locate this case by caption or citation, nor any case bearing any resemblance to it.")

Oh that is not a good way of characterizing those orders. (Those were the orders, remember, where the Court said, "By April 18, 2022, Peter LoDuca, counsel of record for plaintiff, shall file an affidavit annexing copies of the following cases cited in his submission to this Court: as set forth herein. Failure to comply will result in dismissal of the action pursuant to Rule 41 (b), Fed. R. Civ. P.")

I would simply perish on the spot.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention in my original attempted summary of "Varghese" - the first paragraph states that it is a wrongful death suit by the widow of the passenger. Then the second paragraph states that the passenger was denied boarding on a flight due to overbooking and thus missed his connecting flight and therefore incurred additional expenses. The case was such nonsense that I legitimately forgot about that inconsistency by the time I got to the end.

Your honor I plead "2 stupid 2 sanction."

(I believe the "different fonts" is in reference to the April 25 affidavit, in which the case names - and some of the surrounding text - are in a different font from most of the text in the affidavit. It seems like this is because they may have been copied straight from ChatGPT. See e.g., #3 below. It's hard to tell just based on this twitter thread, though.)

A short and simple answer! You did it!

"I have all the answers I need" is not a good sentence in this context.

Very genuinely: shorter is better here. At least I don't think he hurt himself with that statement.

Judge Castel: How do you conduct legal research?

Schwartz: I research cases.

Judge Castel: Do you read them?

Schwartz: Well, I may have once upon a time, but after hearing you ask that question in this context, I have decided to retire from the practice of law forever and also possibly sink into the ground and die. Also, by answering "yes," here, I just realized that I'm either admitting that I read the cases I submitted and therefore must have known they were fake, or else I just possibly committed perjury. Oh shit oh fuck.

Oh god I'm cringing myself into a pretzel just reading this.

Hey, by the way? You can actually use google (esp. google scholar) to do legal research. (It's not a good tool and you will miss things, but it will do in a pinch.) But. Um. If you know that...why didn't you double check your cases at very least on google when you were told they seemed to be made up?

So, once again, I am going to withhold judgement until I see the actual transcript. That said, if Schwartz did say this, I would like to compare it briefly to a part of the chat transcript he provided to the court. Here is the first question asked about the Montreal Convention in the provided transcript:

"analysis"

Oh god. I can't even provide commentary on this one. I hope this is worse than the actual transcript will prove to be. I'm reading through my fingers like I'm watching a horror movie.

"Misperception" (or "misconception") doesn't work once you have evidence that should cause you to doubt - like not being able to find a case that was supposedly published in the Federal fucking Reporter.

This is overshooting "2 stupid 2 sanction" into "too stupid to function."* You either looked for "Varghese" or you didn't. If you looked for "Varghese," it is not credible that you continued to have a good faith assumption that ChatGPT couldn't lie. If you didn't look up "Varghese," you just lied to the Court under oath.

*Just to be clear: for an ordinary person, this would be a very understandable lack of knowledge issue. A lawyer has no excuse not to know this.

Judge Castel: Mr. Schwartz, I think you have the fucking audacity to try to lie to me to my face in my fucking courtroom.

Honestly at this point I'm surprised he could still talk. I think screaming, "I'm melting, I'm melting!" as he vanished into steam, leaving his crumpled suit behind, would be an appropriate response.

NO.

Oh no, oh honey.

Ok. Two options here (again, assuming he actually fucking said "They said they couldn't find them," in response to the Court asking, "When Avianca said you cited non existent cases?"):

Schwartz is once again trying to purposefully downplay what the defendant's reply brief actually said and dodge responsibility.

Schwartz honestly, truly believes that when the defendant filed a reply containing the line, "The undersigned has not been able to locate this case by caption or citation, nor any case bearing any resemblance to it," they were just asking for assistance with their legal research?!??!

I honestly don't know which is worse.

Oh no....

Oh man, I haven't gone over it here yet, but I think that "I looked up the judge" is a panicked attempt at bringing up a talking point the Professional Responsibility Lawyers raised in their memorandum of law. (Again, I'm giving this reading of his response with the caveat that it is based only on this thread, not the official transcript, which might read very differently and contain different/more info.) The Professional Responsibility attorneys noted in a footnote that two of the judges listed in the "opinion," including the "author," were actual 11th circuit judges, and the other is an actual 5th circuit judge. My read of this footnote was as an extra little detail tossed in by the Professional Responsibility attorneys to try to dress up their argument that the "opinions" had various "indicia of authenticity."

But here's the problem. If Schwartz is telling the truth - if he was reading carefully and critically enough that he bothered to look up the judge (why would you do that if you didn't think the case might be fake?!) there is no way he could have missed that the case was gibberish. Again, if this is really what he said at the hearing, he either lied in the hearing, or he must have know the "opinions" were bogus when he gave them to LoDuca to file.

"Did it cross your mind" - if the court actually said this, oh my god.

Hey, that's the point that I made in my original post(s)!

This whole thing about the "+h" to "th" with the notary date is from the recent affidavits filed on 6/6/23, you can read them about them if you want, I'll be honest, I don't really care as much about the notary stuff so I'm going to skip it for the moment.

....and I've run out of space for images again. Part II to follow shortly!

[ilikekidsshows]

Marinette stans' joke about Adrien being a Dine & Dasher is so fascinating to me in how contraproductive it is to their own self-interest.

They're pulling that joke because Marinette stans are STRUGGLING rn and constantly try to either blame other characters for her shit, downplay altogether what happened or try and find some "equally" bad thing an other character did to make Marinette look more reasonable.

In this case, it's clearly the last option since people are going around saying "Phone Stealer Marinette & Dine n Dasher Adrien 🤩 criminal lovers"

But, like? What is even the point in making this a new fandom joke that's treatment completely serious by her fans when the episode is free to watch and it clearly isn't the case? But not just that, MARINETTE is the Dine n Dasher in question! What is the point?

This fandom joke only works for two types of people in the purely positive way Marinette stans want: they themselves, lost in delulu land. And people who haven't watched the episode and don't really intend on doing do.

But for everyone else? Even if you don't mind how completely inaccurate and overblown of an unfair joke this is, pinning something onto Adrien that isn't true for Marinette's benefit, even THEN the joke serves so much more as a constant reminder of how badly the fandom treats Adrien/ Chat Noir than anything else. Same as the "Schrødinger's Chat Noir" memes.

Those are 24/7 reminders of MARINETTE'S shortcomings and of Adrien's bad treatment in the show itself and the fandom.

It just feels so contraproductive for them to be stubbornly making these jokes now. You need to either be in delulu land or hardened by how unfairly the writing treats Adrien for these jokes to NOT backlash on Marinette's character. For any regular viewer or one who isn't excusing or handwaving everything away for Marinette's sake, these will only serve to remind and HIGHLIGHT Marinette's real faults and shortcomings in this. Not Adrien's. ONLY Marinette's.

It's a fascinating phenomenon to me thats currently happening. Why make these meme jokes when, objectively viewed, they can only backlash on your self-interest?

---

I mean, the Marinette standom successfully pinned the blame for Marinette’s lack of communication skills onto Adrien too, so I’m not surprised they’re still trying to pull the same stuff with her other flaws. Like, the “Oblivious Adrien” fanon is not based on canon at all, Adrien is the most emotionally astute person in the entire cast, Marinette is just constantly lying in his face about every thought and motivation she has, but the fandom at large still believes it to this day.

“But Marinette is so obviously crushing on Adrien! Adrien is just oblivious!” the stans claimed for years until “Oblivious Adrien Agreste” became a fandom tag for AO3 because of how widely accepted the take is. But, even for this, anyone could have just watched the episodes and seen that Marinette is obviously awkward around Adrien, nothing more, nothing less. Adrien not knowing Marinette had feelings for him was because Marinette sucked at communicating that, she still sucked at communicating that after they got together, they made a big deal out of that.

You’d think Adrien being the one to confess would finally make people see that he isn’t the problem, but nope. We have to pin every single fault Marinette has onto Adrien, or some other convenient scapegoat. Meanwhile Marinette gets to keep failing at the number one thing she’s struggled to do since day one: telling the people she likes and wants around that she likes them and wants them around because being honest about anything at all would just be too uncomfortable for her.

[abarbaricyalp]

sambucky + 3. things you said too quietly (if you like!)

Hi!! From this ask meme

It's one minific, Michael. How many times can you restart it? Eight?

Well halfway through I realized this probably meant "too quiet for b to hear" but oh well

I'll be there, Bucky had said. Sam kept repeating it, whiny and annoying and a lie in his head. Between Bucky making no grand appearance and Joaquin's staticy warning that "Cap, I'm losing connect--" Sam was entirely on his own. He glanced around the room and fought the urge to shove his hands in his pockets.

Of all the goofy action movie cliche bullshit he'd seen, and seen debunked, while doing this whole superhero thing, this had to really take the cake as far as meeting some shady criminal boss. The lackeys were wearing ski masks for God's sake.

"Y'all are the welcoming crew?" he asked. "Badly chosen or are you actually the most friendly guys?"

Most of the men, all with some homage to the snarling tiger emblem Sam had become desperately familiar with over the last several weeks, were standing in front of him, triangulated and grim. Others had fanned out around Sam, boxing him in and blocking the exit.

"Hey, listen guys, it's not like I just stumbled into your shabby-chic warehouse. I got an invitation. You may remember it. You left it in my partner's bedroom while he was sleeping. Unless you aren't the guys trusted to do something like that. I'd get it. You seem kind of young. Haven't cut your teeth--"

"Search him," the guy at the front of the triangle barked. Sam only barely kept from flinching.

Two men stepped forward. The bigger one genuinely snarled at the other guy. For a tense second, Sam wondered if this meeting would combust before he ever actually saw anyone's face. The tension ratcheted between the two men until the bigger one finished stalking towards Sam without a second glance at his teammate.

"Put your hands against the wall," the man snapped, a faint accent on his words. It made something in the back of Sam's head alight with recognition but he couldn't pinpoint why.

He put his hands against the wall. In turn, the man put himself against the length of Sam's back. Instantly, Sam tried to turn, snap, bare his teeth, everything he shouldn't be doing, but the man already had gloved fingers around Sam's wrists, holding him.

And there was something about the feeling of his fingers that made Sam--

"Calm down," Bucky growled against his ear, breath warm against Sam's skin even through the mask. Far too low for anyone else to hear. Sam could barely hear him.

Would it be noticeable if he completely relaxed right then?

Bucky dragged his hands down Sam's left arm, then his right. "I told you I'd be here. No one else is gonna get close to you. But you need to behave."

"Are you wearing contacts?" Sam asked.

Bucky, allegedly patting down Sam's chest, pinched it instead. "Focus, Wilson."

But when his hands traveled down Sam's chest and abdomen, then across his hips, Sam didn't think he could be blamed for losing focus.

Bucky turned him around by the hips, then sank down into a crouch to pat down Sam's legs, continuously looking up at Sam, which was just sinful, honestly.

He slipped something into the shaft of Sam's boot, then stood up, slowly, keeping himself just a whisper away from Sam. "You good?" he asked, barely a breath.

Sam blinked once and kept his breathing even. Bucky's eyes searched over his face, found no lie, and he relaxed.

Behind Bucky, someone barked out something in a language that Sam didn't recognize.

"Yes," Bucky called back, peeling away from Sam to fall back into the formation. "He's all the boss's." He added something in the other language that made the group laugh lowly.

The man at the front actually rolled his eyes. How annoying had Bucky been in the less than handful of hours since he'd snuck in? Or how good was his cover that the group thought they already knew him?

Of all the ways the tiger motif was represented, Bucky's necklace of fangs was the least permanent. It wasn't a tattoo or embedded jewelry or filed teeth. What sorry initiate did he knock out in an alley to peel that off of? How had he even had time?

"We gonna stand around and look pretty all day or is there a discussion phase?" Sam asked.

Three different guys stepped forward all at once, but Bucky beat them all to Sam's side. He grabbed Sam's arm, just above the elbow, and shook him once. It was light enough that Sam had to play into the physical reaction.

"We'll do things when we want to," the leader said. But even before the words were out of his mouth, he was clearly tuning in to his earpiece.

He didn't look at Sam as he turned and strode away. Bucky pushed Sam ahead, hiding him away from the rest of the idiots around them.

"Something isn't right," Bucky said to him. Again, Sam had to strain to hear him. "They're stressed about something. I don't think--"

And then Sam didn't hear anything at all. "What?" he asked back.

Bucky looked at him, a little confused around the eyes.

"What did you say?" he tried again. "Bucky, what did--"

They halted suddenly, down a half flight of stairs and through another doorway. The shabby veneer had given way to what Sam had been expecting when he was 'invited' to the den. It was like a private night club. All that was missing was the bottle service.

Bucky rubbed his thumb on the inside of Sam's arm. Sam could feel the way he was straining to look around without being obvious about it. They were underground. The likelihood they could blast their way up to fresh air was pretty slim. They'd have to fight back to the stairs. Sure, the Tiger would have an escape route somewhere, but they didn't have time to find it.

"Over/under on him actually being bigger than me?" Sam asked lowly.

Bucky put an unimpressed look on him before pushing him through the group of goons.

They came through the front of the group and Bucky pushed Sam ahead. For a second, everything was quiet. Then Sam realized the man in the center of the room, being briefed by the completely unhelpful leader, was not Conrad Mack.

He was a young man with a long, messy mohawk and a tattoo that covered most of his left arm. Silver streaks of daggers sat beneath his hands like claws.

"Well, rumors of our striking appearances have been greatly exaggerated," Sam said.

The man bared his teeth in a grin or a sneer or something in between. "You are causing me a lot of issues, Captain America. I'm ready to be done with them."

"You're a wholly new problem for me, but I imagine it'll even out soon enough."

"I won't let it have the chance."

And then he sprang at Sam, long body and claws and bared teeth, all very catlike, even if he wasn't the real Smiling Tiger. And then all hell broke loose.

...

While Sam sat on a bloodied, but plush, couch later, picking at a piece of loose skin on the inside of his lip, Bucky stared at him. Blank but simmering. He'd ditched the mask pretty much immediately but this one had settled in once the fighting was done.

"I told you he wasn't here."

"What?" Sam asked, then grimaced and swallowed more blood because he'd aggravated his lip. "I couldn't hear you, man. You were barely talking."

"I told you he wasn't here. He wears this specific cologne and I searched all over. I couldn't find him."

"What are you, a bloodhound?" Sam sighed when Bucky didn't respond, just crossed his arms. "It explains why he made a move now. Mack never threatened me. Someone else played for his spot. Needed me out of the way."

"You think he's dead?"

Sam shrugged. "If this new guy didn't want me showing my face, he must be pretty sure Mack won't come around either."

"Fucking Madripoor," Bucky sighed. He sat beside Sam, knocking away a piece of wood that had been a support beam of some kind.

"Be clearer in the future. We're getting kind of old for this," Sam said

"Swapping out comms for hearing aides," Bucky joked. Then, "We should get out of here."

"Yeah," Sam agreed.

They leaned back against the ruined backrest at the same time and both let out a long breath.

[wizardsnorlax]

Ok so update on the Spiral Jon fic I'm writing: I'm getting it onto Ao3 bit by bit because it's super difficult to write on mobile, but I need to take a break and get ideas for the season three events out before they get lost, here's a link to the season 2 notes

Ok here we go

Melanie does not join the Archives, this is for the best

At one point in season 2 Jon gave Sasha Georgie's contact info for "in case of emergency" use so Sasha is gonna be (mostly) ok she just needs to pop an allergy pill every once in a while

Sasha might be good with the hardware of a computer but the software might as well be a completely different language so she's very little help with Georgie's show

Jon takes to reading Statements like I took to weed gummies

Sasha follows about the same trail of clues as Jon did in Canon but Daisy's grip on Sasha is a bit harder to hold so Sasha gets claw slashes on her arms instead of a knife at the throat

Things that have changed about Jon while Sasha was gone: his hair now has ringlet curls, the extra flexibility in his joints has progressed but not to the point anyone has noticed let alone would consider a problem and his eyes are twitchy from the stress of filling her position to the point he looks like he's constantly ODed on caffeine

Sasha gets back in the office and when everyone learns they can't quit or be fired Jon makes it his personal mission to be as much of a menace to Elias as possible

but he'd never do that to Sasha, she gets doodles of her hanging out with Cecil from Nightvale because she's a good boss:)

Martin scolds Tim for how he's been treating Jon and Sasha because of the changes caused by first and secondhand paranormal bullshit exposure

Jon gets to go out for drinks with people who actually like him

Everyone learns why Jon has a shirt that says "the difference between me and Superman is Superman has Super Vision, I need constant supervision

A discussion about who takes Jon home with them is had because at some point the poor goober lost his shoes and started trying to wrap around Martin like a belt

Sasha gets kidnapped on her way home

Michael helps her because some part remembers being an archival assistant and she's treated hers so much better than Gertrude did

Helen doesn't take Michael's place but the door still rejects him and the corridor collapses as both Sasha and Michael crash into Jon's new flat

Michael is freed but is in such bad shape he needs to be in the hospital for several weeks on recovery

Things attempt to be normal

Tim and Jon are menaces to Elias in very different ways

Jon doesn't want anyone traveling alone

Elias doesn't care but can't STAND the idea of Jon being there without a buffer so Sasha gets to have company on her trip, Tim goes to India and gets the ghost bullet, cue Mystery Mousketool meme

Martin, Basira and Daisy are handling the workload as best they can but since none of them are particularly suited to the task things go badly because Martin is terrible at direct leadership

When Sasha and Jon get kidnapped by Trevor and Julia, Sasha decides that the best way to clear some of the air is through lore dumping her backstory (still to be determined)

Jon is deemed suspicious by the false cop cause he does NOT look sober

Insert attempted police brutality interrupted by a shotgun

While the false cop is regenerating Jon gets the "how did you two meet" Statement from Julia

They get to the cabin and Jon freaks out a little at the idea of reading ANOTHER cursed book

Big relief when nobody gets eaten this time

Nobody ever believes him but Jon has kept every promise he's made (not that he's made many before but it's the principle of it)

Yoinks the page

Our duo finishes the assignment

Back home

Sasha learns about the storage unit

JON STOP REACHING FOR THE EXPLOSIVES YOU ABSOLUTE GREMLIN

Tim is EXTRA motivated to wreck shop at the Unknowing

Jon and Martin stay behind to be distractions

Big boom happens, Tim makes it out because the guy's literally too angry to die, Sasha is in the coma, Daisy is in the Coffin and Basira is just having a time of it

Jon gets mind fondled by Elias and it makes Martin want to rip the bastard's throat out but the best he can do is have the cops rough him up as much as possible

Jon is temporary head of the Archives and the pressure swallows him whole and he crashes like a meteorite because he desperately doesn't want to be the one giving orders

Martin's "assistance" has been leaving cobwebs in places nobody checks

And thus we enter season 4

[slushiesandshowtunesat3am]

I wish I could insert that meme of a point over someone’s head because these Anons are laughable. How are they missing the point this badly. There is no way they are mature adults, surely there is no fucking way. Not crowding the tags was literally one of the points being made. That is if people correctly tag/labeled there would be no crowding. Also if fucking tumblr would fix the tags, that’d also be great! If people want to not be diverse when creating their fics by all means that’s their prerogative, just let people know in advance. The point of “reader” is so that ANYONE can envision themselves or any stranger into a story, otherwise OC is RIGHT THERE! Or just add race/height/weight/etc. reader and all is well. Also engagement was one of the points being made as well. And it went right over their head.

I’m sure your posts are geared to those who don’t know and are just learning, because we all know those who don’t want to be kind and diverse will never be. Seeing by some of those Anon asks you got…. there isn’t any amount of talking, education, and kindness to help those “people”. They told us loud and clear what type of “humans” they are. Also people ~blocking~ is a thing. The button is right there if you feel “they’re crowding” tags. Just fucking block, this isn’t an airport. Also tumblr is broken that even if you have zero tags you will still appear in all sorts of tags that aren’t even related to the subject. Complain elsewhere! Also the fucking nerve of them to be like I DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT and then proceed to tell you what to do!

Imagine if I went and bitched at everyone crowding the tags it’d be a full time job and *insert ain’t nobody got time for that meme*.

*Also please no one take a shot for every time I say Also lol. *insert Ana from Frozen waking up meme*

This. Just this, thank you, my love.

For anyone else, I'm sorry, if you send me another message about me clogging up tags, I'm blocking you.

I've made like 5 posts, there are thousands of fics in the tags I include. You'll be okay, I promise.

Just block me if it bothers you so much, but I'm going to make sure that what I'm saying reaches those it's made to: writers who need to hear it and readers who need to know they're heard.