#worse today then I have been since the third day I was sick I think??

[foxgloveinspace]

They look aesthetically pleasing on my moms quilt👀

Should take an aesthetically pleasing pic of them with my kindle too lol. And coffee. Be a Pinterest Girlie™️

[erii-ya]

Massacre Soldier Killer being a dad?

One Piece FanFic Killer x FemReader

A/N: I know it’s already so late, but still, belated Happy Birthday to our adorable vice-captain Killer. I’ve been so busy lately and couldn’t properly organize my thoughts, so my KillerxReader stories have been on a long pause. Anyway, I accidentally saw a YT vid about different types of writers and discovered that I am a ‘Pantser’ - a term most commonly applied to fiction writers, especially novelists, who write their stories "by the seat of their pants."—someone who doesn’t plan out much (or anything) in advance. So meeee. 😅

Content warning: Long story ahead. Swear words. Killing. Pregnancy. Abortion. WC: 7,9k *I decided not to split the story into multiple parts to make it up to whoever reads my stories*

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As a responsible vice-captain, Killer doesn’t plan on having a child with you until his partner, Eustass Kid, fulfills his dream of becoming the Pirate King. First, because the environment won't suit a child, he knows how dangerous it is in the New World. Second, he won’t be able to fully take care of you while you're pregnant with his child. And third, he’s unsure if he will be a good father.

However, by the time everything had been settled, his next priority would be you, probably thinking of building a future with you. He can’t promise to give you a perfect life, but he’ll try his best to make it fulfilling and worthwhile for you. He’s already blessed to have met you and still thinks about why the hell did you chose him when there are better men out there that are more deserving.

BUT, fate wants to make a prank out of it, and because of a slight miscalculation on your part, you end up conceiving. What’s worse is that you only confirmed it on his birthday.

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I.

“Hey, are you alright? You’re pale.” Killer asked you while you were both in the middle of making Lunch. You've been pretty under the weather for a couple of days now.

“I’m fine. Just got a bit dizzy, is all.” giving him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I can take a rest after this.”

You caught a bad case of the flu last month; recovery took a whole week.  Emma, the crew’s doctor, said it may be because of fatigue, so your captain, Eustass Kid, ordered you not to do everything simultaneously and to look out for yourself more. You tend to overwork yourself constantly, and everyone on the ship gets disoriented when you go sick. Mainly because you managed everyone’s daily tasks so that they would be organized.

“It’s better if you take a rest now. I’ll handle everything else.” 

“Hell no! You’re the one who should be taking your sweet time relaxing since today’s your day. You should leave this to me instead.” trying to shoo him away.

“Nah. It’s just like any other day. Nothing special.” You still want to argue about it, but another wave of nausea hits you. This gives Killer all the more reason to kick you out of the kitchen. He insists you see Emma first to give you a check-up and meds, which you do since your uneasiness is getting annoying.

“Overworking yourself again, I see.” was the first thing the doctor told you once you entered her clinic.

“Not really. Captain’s keeping an eye on everything I do, so I can’t really move around like I always do. Told me to regain my strength first when it’s already been a month since I caught the flu.” you said after she gestured for you to sit on the medical bed.

“Can’t blame the captain. If you only saw the chaos out there while you’re in recovery. It was bad.”

“That bad?”

“It’s terrible.” you only answered with a sigh. When you first joined the Kid Pirates, you saw how disorderly the environment was and corrected that, although it took you quite a while to do so.

Emma started to ask you questions about your symptoms. After writing everything down and examining you, she returned to your charts to analyze the data for a diagnosis. A few minutes passed, and you saw her raising one of her brows while looking at your charts, making you curious.

“What? Did I end up with another flu? ‘Cause I swear, it’s no fun.” you commented, crossing your arms.

“Well, uhm, I actually have some good news for you.” she answered, then looked at you. “Two, to be exact.” Now, it was your turn to raise a brow. Usually, you’ll get both good and bad news, but having two good news?

“I’m dying here, Emma. Spill it already.” 

“So, you don’t have a flu.” then silenced. It seems like Emma’s having some hesitation before telling you the other ‘good’ news.

“Emma!” you yelled, breaking her from her thoughts. She looked at your charts, then back at you, and did that at least three more times. The suspense is killing you.

Instead of saying the second one, she started asking you again. “Y/N, when was the last time you took the contraceptive pill I gave you?”

“This morning. Why?”

“Were you diligently taking those pills even while you were sick last month?” her question made you think back. If memory serves you right, you held off on taking the birth control pills while you were on a sick bed and never had contact with Killer around that time, either.

“I started retaking the pills after I recovered, though.”

“And when was your first contact with Killer-san after your recovery?”

“Well, it was the same day I retake the pill. The reason I remembered retaking it.”

“Ok, so was it the blue or the pink pill?” The what now? At this point, you’re at a loss.

“Emma, you’re confusing me. What blue and pink? It was always a pink pill. Never had a blue one.”

Emma face-palmed. By now, she was sure about your diagnosis. You were slow to catch on, but you eventually did after a couple of silences. And when you did…

“Holy shizz… Are you telling me that I’m..?” you can’t even say it. Emma didn’t say anything either and just nodded her head in agreement. The face that you’re making this time can’t be explained. A lot of emotions were bubbling up inside of you.

“Oh no. Oh fuck. Oh no.” you started to panic and became paler. Emma was quick to approach you after seeing you start a panic attack. You gripped her shirt and said, “This can’t be, Emma. THIS is not supposed to happen! I religiously took those pink pills you gave me for a year! Why now?! What’s with blue pills?! The pink?!” you’re practically screaming at her now with tears flowing down your face.

Emma covered your mouth tightly to suppress your screams. She told you to come down, or else the others would hear you unless you wanted them to know the big news. She’s right. No one should know, so you tried to calm yourself upon hearing her suggestion. 

You inhaled and exhaled sharply while trying to suppress your emotions and tears. When Emma saw you had calmed down, she began to explain about the blue and pink pills. She said that she gave you two different bottles of pills before, which are colored blue and pink. Pink is for daily use, while the blue one should be consumed right after intercourse if, by any chance, you stop taking the pink pills regularly.

Since you were out with the flu for a whole week last month, you couldn’t take your regular pink pills, and Killer, being Killer, once he was sure you had recovered, took his time to ‘recharge’ you with ‘Vitamin K’ or as he’d like to call it. The miscalculation on your part was forgetting about Emma’s advice about how to consume the two pills properly. 

You totally forgot about the blue pills since you never had a skip of the regular pink ones for over a year until you got sick. You thought by then, if you start retaking the pink pills, it’ll work just the same.

You wipe the tears continuously escaping your eyes and grab Emma by her shoulder. “This conversation will stay between the both of us. You hear me, Emma? No words about this can leave this room, and I’m dead serious.”

“Of course. My patients' records are confidential. Like you, I may be a pirate, but I still follow medical ethics. However…” she looked at you straight in the eyes, “I think Killer-san has the right to know about this too.”

Your eyes widen at her advice. “NO! Definitely not!”

“But he’s the father, Y/N!” 

“And he’s also our vice-captain, Emma! He has his priorities, and that’s Kid. Captain won’t be happy to know about this too, and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.” you insist. The doctor gave you a sympathetic look and didn’t say another word. You left and went to your and Killer’s shared bedroom. Your mind is too occupied with what happened in the clinic, but the exhaustion pulls you into a deep sleep.

II.

When you wake up, it’s already dark. You don’t know how long you’ve been out, and the first thing that came to mind was the revelation you heard earlier. Getting the flu again seems a better diagnosis, after all. You tried to shift in bed when you realized big, strong arms were wrapped around you and a leg locking you in place—warm breath blowing on your left temple. 

You saw Killer sleeping peacefully beside you with his mask off. You were blessed to see that gorgeous face every day, and you couldn’t help but caress it. He moved slightly when he felt the warmth of your hand, tightening his grip on you.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere, love.” you said softly, giggling at his actions. You heard him hum in agreement.

Minutes passed, and you savored the peaceful silence, listening to Killer’s rhythmic breathing beside you. You’re already content with this. Spending your days as a pirate alongside the man you love was challenging, but being in his arms like this at the end of the day makes it all worth it. He makes you feel safe. He makes you happy. He makes you feel…home.

You unconsciously placed your hands on your stomach. Family… You never thought of the idea before. Having a family with Killer. Not because you don’t like it but because of both your current situation. Especially when your captain, Eustass Kid, has come a long way to fulfilling his dreams. 

That’s when you decide on what to do. The child will only be a nuisance, and you won’t let the child drag the crew down. It’s the only way you can think of. There’s no other choice. 

Tears sting your eyes, and you try your best to stifle a cry when someone bangs the door loudly. “Oi, Killer! Get your fuckin’ ass outta here! We’re celebrating your birthday, and you hole yourself up in there? GET OUT! NOW!” it was Kid, banging at the door profusely.

Killer grunts but gets up anyway. He walked over the door to open it, displaying Kid’s grumpy face. “Fucking finally!” your captain said. He looked past Killer to peek at you. “You feeling Okay?” he asked with concern in his voice.

You smiled at him and nodded, “Strong as a bull, captain.”

He bobs his head, satisfied, and looks back at Killer, telling him to dress up and drag you out on the deck. Even added to keep your hands off each other for the time being and just get back to your business after the party before he disappeared. You laughed at his last remark.

You got up and went to hug Killer from behind. “Well, let’s get going, birthday boy, or the captain might feed us to the sharks.”

Killer chuckles, “I doubt it. He loves us too much to do that.”

You both dressed up and went to the others. Everyone is having a blast. You can hear them from where your room is. The night went well, and you’re enjoying the rock session Kid and Killer started with Killer being the drummer when the ship doctor approached you.

“How are you feeling now?” Emma asked. “Is that alcohol?!” snatching away the drink in your hand.

“Come on, Emma. I’m fine, and this’ll be the last time I can enjoy that.” trying to get your drink back from her hands.

“Are you seriously thinking of harming your child, Y/N?” she whispered harshly at you with wide eyes.

You stared at her, then sighed, “I am not. A’ight? Now give that back. I’ll look suspicious if I don’t drink.”

“Not if you’re feeling unwell.” Emma called one of the crew members nearby and gave the alcohol to him. Telling him you can’t drink because of an upset stomach.

Emma stayed by your side all night while Killer enjoyed his time with the other crew members. “He’s so respected, isn’t he?” you suddenly blurted out.

“Of course, he is. He’s the second strongest next to the captain and takes good care of all of us. Not to mention the special care towards you.” she gave you a knowing look. You hummed in agreement, a smile ghosting your face.

“He’ll be a good father, too, Y/N. I can envision it.” she added.

You didn’t answer and just gazed at Killer from a distance. Emma doesn’t need to let you know because you can see it, too. However, the timing isn’t right. There’s so much that Killer wants to do to help his partner, his best friend, and you can’t let yourself hinder that. Not you. Not this child.

III.

Six months later…

Kid approaches Killer, who’s busy thrashing the life out of a pirate from a crew they ambushed. “Killer. We’re done here. Let’s get back to Victoria.”

His words were brushed aside, and Killer continued to use the pirate as a punching bag. Killer’s been like this since you left without a word. He was letting out his frustrations of not being able to find your whereabouts on mindlessly and mercilessly killing anyone, earning him the title of 'Massacre Soldier'.

*flashback*

A few days after his birthday, the Victoria Punk docked on an island to get supplies. You went out with some of your crew members to shop when you split yourself from them in the middle of town and hired a boat to stow away. 

At least, that’s what they all thought.

When, in fact, you return to the ship and hide somewhere you know they won’t find. You then waited for the right time to snuck out. Feeling sorry for the citizens who got hooked up on your own dilemma when your crew, together with Kid and Killer, almost flipped the island upside down just to find you.

You took it as a chance to escape and sailed away with a boat you bought in the morning. Stopped at the nearest island and snuck on a merchant’s ship you didn’t even know where it was heading. You did that a few more times until you ended up on a secluded island. Far from where you’ve been. Far from marines and pirates. Far from the man you love.

It was in an isolated area in the New World where help was impossible. The island's living conditions were poor but peaceful, and the island folks were friendly. You started your new life there, with the little soul blossoming in your belly. 

You changed your name and your looks. Cut your hair. The purple hair Killer loved so much is now dyed silver. Your red eyes, once shining like a sparkling flame that Killer loved to stare at, have now changed to green. You were unrecognizable unless someone assessed you carefully.

You found yourself an abandoned small hut up in the mountains. It looked like no one had ever lived there for a long time, so you settled in and began your single life there.

Meanwhile…

“Who did you say was pregnant?! Y/N?!” Kid growled at Emma. The doctor felt shivers run down her spine. She’s standing in front of the big four while being circled by the crew.

“Y-yes, captain.” she answered meekly.

“Then why didn’t you tell us immediately?!?!” Kid was furious in disbelief. He was as worried as Killer when you disappeared without a trace. Killer, on the other hand, clenched his fists so hard in an attempt to stop himself from punching the doctor. He doesn’t care if she’s a woman. He’s so mad right now he wants to wring her neck right there and then for keeping your pregnancy a secret from him.

“For the record, captain, I did not PURPOSELY keep it a secret from all of you, especially from Killer-san,” Emma said in a defense. “God knows how hard I persuaded Y/N to get her to confess the matter to him. It didn’t even come to me that she would leave us. In fact…” and she trailed off.

Killer didn’t like the sudden halt. It ticked him off. “Why did you stop, Emma? Continue.” he said, but Emma was hesitant. “I said CONTINUE!” he shouted.

Everyone flinched and was surprised at Killer’s sudden outburst. He was usually calm and collected, but right now, he’s different. He’s trying to suppress his anger because he might go on a rampage if not.

Emma exhaled sharply before saying, “In fact, I thought she would most likely abort the baby.” without missing a beat.

Killer held his breath after hearing the doctor’s words. He was wondering if you really thought of aborting his child. Kid broke the awkward silence and asked the doctor, “What made you think she would do that?”

“Well, because when we confirmed it at the clinic the other day, during Killer-san’s birthday, she had a panic attack, telling me over and over that it shouldn’t happen. The baby, I mean.”

Killer’s shoulders dropped, which Kid noticed. It pains him to see his best friend getting crushed by the news.

The doctor continued, looking at Killer, “Killer-san, please don’t think badly of Y/N. It’s not like she doesn’t want the baby. It was only my initial opinion after seeing her fit in my clinic.”

“I was with her all night during your birthday celebration. I saw how she lovingly stared at you while gently caressing her belly. She was doing it unconsciously, I think. She even stopped drinking alcohol and taking caffeine since then, and you know how she loved her iced coffee.” Emma finished.

“She can’t live without it,” said Killer, to which everyone agreed. They know you can consume up to 8 servings of iced coffee daily.

“I believe she left because she doesn’t want to burden anyone and that the captain wouldn’t be happy to know about it. She was just thinking about all of us and how it may affect everyone.” Emma concluded.

“That dumb woman.” Kid gruffed. “Why the hell won’t I be fucking happy if she’s carrying my niece! Or nephew, whatever!” He turned towards Killer, “We’re going to find that stupid woman of yours, Killer. Even if we need to re-route.”

Killer nods, grateful to his captain, “I owe you, Kid.”

“No, we owe her. Also, she insults me for leaving this crew like that. Doesn’t she know by now that she’s my family, too?” Kid may be violent, stubborn, and grumpy, but he considers you his sister. You took care of him and his crew and did a lot to help him, too, so he’s quite disappointed with your actions. He hoped you could be more selfish than selfless.

*end*

Going back to the present, Killer only stopped thrashing the poor pirate when he felt satisfied. There were still no clues about you, and he became increasingly worried as the day passed. Knowing that you’re living by yourself with your growing belly in god knows where for half a year now.

“We’ll stop by the next island we see to get some supplies, and then we’ll continue to look around for Y/N.” Kid said to where Killer only nodded in acknowledgment. They went back to Victoria, and as usual, after cleaning up, Killer went to the kitchen to grab some beer. It has been a routine for him to drown himself in booze because it helps to calm his nerves and fall asleep. He had difficulty getting some sleep since you left, causing him to get insomnia.

A few days later, the Kid Pirates stumbled upon a small island that was quite isolated. It doesn’t seem like they’ll get their needed supplies in there, but they still need to dock to check and do maintenance on the ship. So they did.

“Killer, wake up!” Kid bangs on his door. “We’re docked on an island! Move your ass and get some fresh air before you rot to death!” he called.

Killer eventually went out to walk around the island to see if there were any supplies they could buy. At first, he was hesitant but thought he couldn’t always act like a child and should help the crew with the other tasks to lessen the workload.

He was looking around some stalls when he heard a familiar laugh, making him stop dead in his tracks. It was a laugh he had longed to hear. He did a quick turn to scan his surroundings, hoping to find his favorite purple hair that he hadn’t seen for six months, but to no avail. No purple-haired woman was around, but he could still hear the familiar laughter. 

After carefully examining the area, his eyes then found the source. On a stall a few feet away, there was a silver-haired woman with her back turned against him, talking happily to the stall owner. She was the one laughing. He stared at the woman for a long time until she turned slightly at an angle that made it possible for Killer to see the side of her face. Silver hair and green eyes. He first thought it couldn’t be you until he noticed her bulging belly. 

Was it really you? He felt his heart stopped at that moment. Breaking out in cold sweat, hands trembling, he slowly walked over to where you are—then stopped. He started having doubts. 

Do you hate him? 

Do you still love him?

What will you feel once you see him? Scared? Hatred?

Thoughts were running wild in his head, making it more difficult for him to approach you. So he decided to tail behind you instead, as discreetly as he could. He doesn’t want to surprise you and wants to check how you live your life here on the island.

“Uhm, hey, do you know who that woman is?” Killer asked the owner of the stall he was at.

The owner glanced in the direction he was pointing, “Oh, that was Marie. She’s pretty, right? Such a sweet girl. Poor thing was abandoned by the man who got her pregnant. Tsk, that scumbag…”

Killer looked curiously at the old man. “Abandoned?”

“Well, it wasn’t confirmed, but others said that. She’s a very nice kid but don’t talk much about her life before she ended up here. She lives in the mountains by herself. Occasionally, some of us visit her to buy some of her vegetables. She usually goes down here to sell them, but since her belly is growing fast, we told her to stop going up and down the mountains, or it’ll strain her and her baby. Would you like to buy some of these?” As thanks to the information he heard, Killer bought some of the stuff the old man was selling. 

You started walking away, so he followed behind. You notice a presence following you, but no one is there whenever you turn around to check.

IV.

You felt chills but ignored the foreboding feeling. It could’ve been some pregnancy blues. But your anxiety about being discovered by the Kid Pirates was still there. Still, it has already been half a year, and they might’ve been too busy now to even think of you. You could still get some updates about them from time to time. The last thing you read about your former crew was their time in Sabaody two months after you left.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t hurt by the thought that they could move on quickly after your disappearance. Whether Emma told them about your pregnancy or not, it might’ve been unimportant, just as you thought. It only confirms your belief that you and the baby burden the crew. 

However, sometimes you can’t help but think about Killer. What was his reaction after knowing about the baby?

Was he mad? Was he happy?

Did he try to find you?

Did he even know you are pregnant?

Tears would always well up in your eyes whenever you thought of him. You still love him after a long time, but you assumed that what you did was right. Tying Killer in an obligation he didn’t plan to have was the last thing you wanted for him.

Seeing your small abode gave you relief. Ascending and descending the mountains was quite strenuous; even the folks worried about you. But being alone up here can be lonely, and there is a need for someone to talk to. 

Entering your small hut, you went straight to bed to rest. Your belly is protruding, making you consider whether you’re in your 6th month of pregnancy or not. Its size is kind of exaggerated. You can’t do much about it, though, since there’s no doctor available on this island. The things you do to take care of yourself and the baby inside you came from the tips and tricks shared with you by the old folks and fellow mothers living there.

There’s a sudden kick from your belly, a hyper one. It feels like the baby is getting excited for some reason. “Hey bud, what got you so active today, huh? You never kicked me like that before,” you said while caressing your bump. The baby answered with another strong kick, and it made you laugh.

You kept talking to your bump when a knock came on your door. It wasn’t loud, but it was strong. You’re not expecting any visitors from the folks, so you’re curious about who it could be. You slowly got up and went to open it.

“So you just open the door like that without even asking who it is.” says the man standing before you.

You turned pale and were speechless. Heart beating faster than ever you swear he can also hear it. Your grip on the door tightens, making your knuckles turn white.

“How can you be so careless, Y/N.” the man added, staring intently into your eyes.

You can’t find your words; even if you did, you know you’ll choke on them. He caught you by surprise, and you feel cornered. It was Killer. How he’s able to find you, you have no freaking idea. This island is isolated, and it’s rare for pirates, even the marines, to stop by, making it the perfect place to live your life in seclusion.

Trying to maintain your facade, you said, “I-I’m sorry, sir, but you might be mistaken. M-my na-name is Marie and not Y/N. I-is th-there anything I c-can help you?” mentally smacking your head for stuttering.

“Really? We’re going to continue playing this game, Y/N? ‘Cause I’m getting fuckin’ tired of this shit.” his words were like venom. It stings.

Killer slowly entered the hut. He was more buffer than before. If he pounces at you, you’ll be crushed for sure. Then you notice the thing that he’s holding: knives. 

Is he going to kill you?!

Are you and the baby that bothersome that he needed to dispose of you?

You can feel the anxiety building up, and you start to have a panic attack. Breathing became hard, and you felt a sharp pain in your stomach like it was twisting.

Killer noticed how you clenched tightly at your belly, and your face painted an expression of pain. He quickly grabbed you by the arms in worry, but you shuddered at the contact, resulting in you pushing him away by force.

He was stunned. The face you’re making now, never in his dreams did he think he’d see you make that expression towards him. You were utterly terrified.

“Please don’t touch me. Spare me and my child’s life, please. Have mercy.” you kneeled in front of him, eyes closed, crying, clasping your hands like in prayer, begging for him not to kill you and the baby in your tummy. 

Killer can’t believe what he’s seeing. Why did it end up like this? You were both happy and loving one day, but now you see him as a monster trying to kill you.

It breaks his heart to see you in this state. He doesn’t know what he did for you to be this terrified, but if you only knew how hard he tried to look for you. How happy he was to know you’re carrying his child. It may not be at the right time, but to hell with that. 

You were cowering in fear when you heard a metal clasp unfastening and then a loud thud of something hitting the floor. You cautiously opened your eyes to see what it was and saw Killer’s mask. On the floor.

“Hi, baby.” you heard him say. His tone was soft and sweet, like how he lulls you to sleep every night back in Victoria. You feel his hands slowly cupping your face, guiding you to look at him. “Look at me. Please.”

There was a moment of hesitation before you gathered the courage to meet his gaze. For so long, you had hoped to see those beautiful blue eyes again, even for one last time, and now it was staring back at you.

He was looking at you tenderly while he wiped your tears. Not even a minute passed when you saw his tears flowing freely down his face, too. His lips are quivering like he was trying his best not to be so vulnerable in front of you. But he can’t stop. He waited for this moment to see you and finally hold you. 

He pressed his forehead onto yours, and you stayed in that position for a while. No words. Just feeling the presence of each other. It was comforting. It was familiar.

Living alone wasn’t bad, but it sure as hell was lonely, and you bear with it. But now that Killer is here, even with anxiety and fear, the same feeling he gives you is there. You feel safe. You feel at home.

Your tensed body became more and more relaxed, and you were able to regain even breaths, the panic attack subsiding. It may be the longing that pushed you, but you thoughtlessly kissed him. He jolted in surprise but answered back with the same level of intensity. You lap on each other hungrily while gripping one another tightly as if one of you will suddenly vanish into thin air. It only stopped when you both needed to gasp for air.

“I fucking missed you,” Killer said in between breaths. “Please don’t do that again. You’re killing me.” pain apparent in his voice, and you could only nod in agreement.

“Let’s go home… back to Victoria. Yeah?” he asked, tucking away a strand of your hair behind your ears. You're too emotional to say anything so you nodded profusely.

Killer helped you stand up when you felt the same twisting pain again in your belly. You clenched on your stomach, breathing heavily. You felt something flowing down your legs. When you looked at it, you started to panic again. It was blood.

Blood was streaming down your legs, and you never felt so scared in your life. You were even more afraid now than when you saw Killer a while ago.

“Killer… Oh fuck… Oh fuck… The baby. Our baby. Oh my god…” you were frantic, and then you suddenly fainted. 

Killer was quick to catch you, but he was horrified. He never ran as fast as he did today. He was scared shitless. He sprints back to Victoria with you in his arms, and the first thing he does once aboard is yell out Emma’s name, which startles the crew.

Emma came rushing and saw Killer carrying a woman in a bloodied state. She was confused until Killer said, “It’s Y/N. Sh-she’s bleeding. A lot.” 

“Fuck. To the clinic, quickly.” although shocked, she understood the assignment. 

Upon hearing your name, everyone stopped what they were doing and followed Killer and Emma. The others went to get their captain. The Victoria Punk was in total chaos again that night.

V.

Rugged, heavy footsteps are heard closing in by the clinic area. After hearing what had happened, Kid rushed towards the infirmary. There, he saw a disoriented Killer pacing back and forth in front of the clinic.

“Killer,” he called out to his first mate, but Killer was too occupied to notice his arrival. Kid grabbed him by his right shoulder to let him know he was there. 

When Killer realized it was Kid, he felt a little at ease. “Your mask.” Kid added, giving Killer a knowing look. He had never seen his best friend this lost, even forgetting to wear his precious mask, but he understood how severe the matter was.

“I finally found her, Kid.” Killer said in an anguished voice. He was looking at Kid, but his bangs covered his eyes. “We made up, and she agreed to return. Then she…she was…” his voice started to crack, “she was suddenly bleeding. She fainted, an-and s-she was so pale…”

Kid tightens his grip on Killer’s shoulder, reassuring him. “Oi, Y/N’s going to be fine. Don’t fucking underestimate her. She’s one of us, and there’s no way in hell she won’t pull through this.”

Rubbing a hand down his face, Killer agreed, “Yeah, she is… Of course, she is.”

Kid patted his shoulder, “Get it together, buddy. Take a rest. I’ll wait here.”. He was reluctant, but Kid insisted he take a breather. Being anxious won’t do him any good. He needs to trust that you and the baby are in capable hands. 

But he just can’t leave. You have already suffered enough. The least he could do is stay outside and wait until Emma gives any news about your situation. He also wants to be the first person you’ll see once you wake up. 

“I’m fine. I’ll wait for her here.” Killer declared, walking over to sit on the side of the door. 

Kid didn’t push for it anymore. He knows how stubborn Killer can be if he wants it, so they both wait outside the clinic for the next hour or two when they finally hear the click of the clinic’s door opening. Emma emerges from inside, startled to see the two men towering over her.

“How is she?” they said in unison.

“Ghaaad… Don’t pop out of nowhere like that. You just gave me a mini heart attack.” she remarked, her right hand on her chest.

But Killer doesn’t have time for a chit-chat. He’s been so anxious all this time, “Emma…” he grumbled, which the doctor understood as ‘I don’t give a fuck. Give me an update.’ kind of tone.

“Okay… Okay… First of all, Y/N’s stable, and the reaper won’t be visiting anytime soon.” Hearing it lifts a heavy weight on Killer and Kid’s shoulders. They didn’t even realize they’d been holding their breaths until now. 

“You should see her, although she’s still sleeping.” the doctor mused at Killer. “She’s been calling out your name the whole time.” Killer felt a knot in his chest. You’re probably still scared with all that happened.

“By the way, Cap’n, I need all the help we can get for another matter.“ Emma added, turning over to Kid.

“What is it?”

“You see, Y/N lost a lot of blood because of the bleeding, and it was only fortunate of me to be able to stop it. Thank the heavens. But the damage had been done, and if we don’t find a blood donor for her and do a blood transfusion soon, she might suffer from anemia, which can cause her complications when she finally gives birth. Of course, we don’t want that.” Emma explained. 

Killer tensed at the information. He doesn’t want you to suffer anymore during your pregnancy, and if he could only swap places with you, he would.

He started to turn and walk away, probably to get help, but Kid stopped him. “Didn’t you hear what Emma said? Go to Y/N. I’ll handle the rest.” Kid patted him on his shoulder, then left.

Emma guided Killer to where you were, and there, he saw you peacefully sleeping, with an oxygen mask and other apparatus sticking to your body to help monitor your condition. The doctor then asked to take her leave to help your captain gather the possible blood donors and check their compatibility with you. 

Killer watches over you the entire day and never leaves your side. Some of your crewmates would pass by to ask about your condition and check on their vice-captain. Kid went back to check on both of you as well and to give Killer the new mask he created, but Killer, for the first time, didn’t want to wear it. He said he’d like to make sure you’ll see his face first rather than his mask.

Although a man who doesn’t know emotions, Kid respects his best friend's sentiment and gives him the time he needs to be with you. He strictly told everyone not to bother the first mate and to go directly to him, wire or heat for anything.

The next couple of days that followed were uneventful; the blood transfusion was a success, and who would’ve thought that the best possible match to donate blood to you was your captain, Kid. It's a good thing Kid wasn’t drinking at that time, so he was able to transfer his blood to you readily. You stayed in the infirmary for a whole week until Emma deemed you were well enough to walk around and move again.

Despite that, Killer was stern to keep you in bed. He insists you get more bed rest, or you might bleed again. The poor guy was quite traumatized, but you couldn’t say no, considering that you saw the state he was in when you finally woke up. 

He was sleeping, his head rested on the side of your bed, his hands were on your stomach, and the other was holding yours. You can still remember how tight his grip on your hands was like he was making sure you’ll still be there once he opened his eyes. You caressed his blonde hair with your free hand, and he jerked his head up instantly. You saw how tired he looked, exhaustion obvious in his beautiful face. You were even surprised he wasn’t wearing his mask.

Looking at him tenderly, caressing his face gently, you said his name, and all he could do was kiss your hands and gave you a series of I love you, and I’m sorry.

Emma, fill you in on what happened after you lost consciousness. “I wanna slap you so hard your head would go 360 on me, but then again…” she trailed off a bit before continuing. Guilt showing on her face. If she could’ve just supported you properly and earnestly, you probably wouldn’t have thought of leaving in the first place. “I’m glad you’re alive and now safe. I literally thought of poisoning myself to death if I failed to save you and the baby on time.” she chuckled, teary-eyed.

“Hey, don’t say that! You saved us, see? I’m breathing, and my baby’s well. You’ve already done so much for us, Emma. To be honest, if I only heeded your advice back then…” Emma stopped you, covering your mouth with her hand.

“Let’s not talk about that anymore. All’s well that ends well. Yes?” and you agreed. There’s no point in talking about the past. 

You cleared the misunderstanding between you and Killer. You’re back with your pirate family and the man you love, and everything is returning to normal. 

That is, after a long, heart-to-heart-ish conversation with your captain, though. You found it more challenging to talk to Kid than when you talked it out with Killer. He’s your captain, after all, and what you did was a disrespect to the man you swore your loyalty with. 

*Flashback*

You’re resting in your and Killer’s bedroom when you hear a knock on the door, and it opens. Thinking it was Killer, you slowly turned around to greet him, but the one staring back at you wasn’t Killer, but Eustass Kid, and you weren’t ready to have a conversation with him yet.

“Captain…” you mumbled softly.

His face was as grumpy as usual, “Don’t call me captain if you’re not going to stick around with me.”  he said flatly.

You can only bow your head in embarrassment and guilt. No form of apology you can give can amend the trust you broke when you left the crew behind. Kid might be furious but was only trying his best to contain it for Killer’s sake. You felt your eyes getting wet with the tears trying to fall.

“I-I’m so sorry, captain… It was never my intention to disrespect you and to hurt Killer. I-I only did it for the cre-...” You couldn’t finish your words because of what he did next.

Kid sat beside you, facing your direction, and forcedly hugged you. You winced in surprise but then relaxed after a few seconds. “Stupid,” he muttered. “I never asked for you to do everything or anything on your own. Don’t I always tell you to look after yourself more?”

His hug was tight but comforting. His arms were so strong that he could crush you instantly, but he was gentle to you instead. There was no hostility in that hug. Just a pure, genuine, loving hug. Like what a brother would give to his little sister.

Now the tears have finally escaped your eyes, and you could only hug him back while wailing out your apologies, to which Kid only listens. He was never good at emotions and words, so this is how he thought he could express his worries for you. Hoping you get the message and you did.

After a good 10 minutes, he broke the hug and stared at you. “Listen, Y/N. I fucking hate this moment with all this drama and shit, it’s awkward. But I’m fuckin’ doing it for you. Do you understand what I’m getting at?” you gave him a hearty laugh. 

Of course you do. The gesture was enough to make you feel that whatever you do, he’s your captain but is also your friend. The bond you shared with him and your pledge when you first joined his crew won’t change and falter. In fact, it might’ve been more substantial than before. His donating his blood to you says a lot about it. It was as if the transfusion was a blood pact sealing the bond between you.

Kid never hid the fact that he was still disappointed in you, though, and that you should make it up to him. You gladly agreed and promised to make him as many cabbage rolls as you can. 

*End*

The awkward, teary conversation ends there because prolonging the drama would surely make Kid sick. His letting you see his soft side was already a big deal on his part, and you sincerely appreciate the gesture.

The Victoria Punk was already sailing when you woke up, and here you are, walking around the deck to get some fresh air. Finally, you’re at peace. Everything has come to the right place after six months of hiding and guilt-tripping. You’ve found yourself back in the arms of the man you love so much, and your baby is safe and sound. What more can you ask for?

Strong, familiar arms wrap around you from behind. Their hands stop at your belly. “What causes you to think so deeply? Hmm?” Killer said while planting a kiss on the top of your head.

“Everything that had happened, I guess. Still can’t believe it was all because of my selfishness and failure to communicate properly with you.” you answered in all honesty.

Killer tensed and slowly turned you around to face him. “Hey, aren’t we done with that?” he asked, cupping your face.

You nod, “Yes, we are. It's just… it would still come to mind occasionally. But I’m fine.” you smile at him while holding his hands.

“Emma said you should stop thinking about stressful things. You shouldn’t even think of it at all.” you didn’t answer and just stared at him lovingly. He’s not perfect, and he has killed a lot of people. The same goes for you. You’re not sure if both of you will be good parents, but as long as the child gets his father’s traits, they will definitely grow as a good person.

You hugged Killer tightly, to his surprise. “I love you, Kil. I really do.”

“Where is this coming from? I love you more, of course.” he hugs you back, though not tightly, so as not to put pressure on your tummy when there’s a sudden kick from your belly. 

Both of you glance at each other before bursting into laughter. But Killer suddenly halted and cleared his throat. “Why’d you stop? You know how much we love hearing your laugh.” then there’s another visible kick from your tummy as if the baby agrees with you. “See? Our baby likes it, too. We love how you laugh, so no need to be ashamed of it.”

Killer only scratches his head, but you know he’s blushing inside that mask. He kneels in front of you to level himself with your belly. “Hey, bud. We love you, too. Please don’t make it too hard for momma. We don’t want to trouble her, right?” The baby kicked again like he was conversing with his father.

“I’m starting to get jealous. They’re more active when it’s you.” you pouted, which Killer only chuckled in return.

“Don’t worry, baby.” he said, standing up, “It only means they’re just like you since you love my attention, too.” he added, which made you blush.

“Stupid.” you retorted—face burning red.

“Hey, fuckin’ lovebirds! C’mere!” Kid shouted from a distance, and you know exactly what it is for.

“He’s still at it?” you ask Killer in disbelief.

“Well, he’s too excited, I guess.” he shrugged.

You made your way to Kid’s workshop to be presented with his current masterpiece. “Think it’s good. This one’s better, aye?” Kid asked.

You face-palmed after seeing the finished ‘project,’ as Kid calls it. “What version is this already?” you asked back.

Kid thought for a minute before answering, “version 9.” he said blatantly.

“Are you trying to open up a baby store?! Because at this rate, I think you do.” Killer grab your shoulders to calm you down.

“Don’t care. The others aren’t perfect.”

Kid’s so-called ‘project’ is creating a baby crib suitable for your child, and he was so passionate about it that he kept making an upgraded version. The one he’s presenting right now is the 9th crib he made this week.

“You do realize that you’re more excited than us parents, right?” you teased Kid—an amused grin forming on your lips.

Kid went silent at the accusation and slowly blushed in embarrassment. “I AM NOT!” he shouted.

You laughed so hard at his reaction and continued teasing, “Uh-huh. If you say so, Uncle Kid.” you said, emphasizing the last part. You grab Killer out of the workshop before you hear Kid yelling profanities at you.

“I think he likes his new title.” you told Killer while you both walked back to your shared room.

“He sure does.” Killer retorted, chuckling.

[literary-motif]

Hiiiii love your work I was wondering if you could write an Isaac sicfic where pickle is under the weather it’s okay if that bit up your alley still love your work ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Take Care

Isaac Rhoades x Reader

You sneezed again, holding on to the bookcase as you nearly fell down the ladder. Isaac was not joking when he said your first week would be the hardest. There was dust everywhere, being a while since he had bothered cleaning the less eye-catching places, such as the top shelves. 

“You’re not sick already, are you?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe to watch you work. He took another sip of his coffee — his third today at least — and narrowed his eyes at you. 

“It’s the dust,” you lied. 

Truthfully, you had been fine when you woke up this morning. You shot up in bed well before sunrise, drenched in sweat from your nightmare, and decided to make the most of the extra time as you felt it impossible to fall back asleep. 

The eerie peacefulness before dawn, when you knew the world was still asleep and time seemed to tick by very slowly, immediately put you at ease, allowing you to wake up properly as you sipped on your tea with honey and tried to get rid of the itch in your throat. Thinking up a list of tasks for today, you decided that you had put off dusting long enough. 

As noon passed and the sun took its course in the sky, the tell-tale signs of a cold had hit you like a bus. It started with a headache, which was more annoying than anything else as you worked. Then, the pain in your throat had worsened, causing you to cough and disrupt the dust you were trying to wipe away. The house had grown cold, and your energy had steadily depleted until you felt utterly terrible.

Asking Isaac for a day off was out of the question. 

You had just started working for him and the embarrassment of telling him you were sick and needed time off already, when he had told you before that you should look after yourself to ensure that would not happen, was simply too much for you. 

No, you were stubborn. You would tough this out, hiding your feverish shivers and hacking coughs from him to make sure he was not disappointed already — to make sure he didn’t reevaluate the idea of taking you in and giving you the most stable life you had ever had because he saw you as an inconvenience after all. Most of all, you did not want to be a burden to him, and if working through a fever and the spinning in your head as you dusted the bookshelf was what it took, then so be it. 

“Are you sick?” Isaac asked, furrowing his eyebrows. He set his cup down on the coffee table, plucking the cloth from your hands a moment later and resting his cold hand against your forehead. You suppressed a sigh at the feeling, the coldness soothing you immediately. “You’re burning up,” he sighed. 

“I’m fine,” you said, reaching for the cloth. He held it out of reach for you. “I can work. I’m fine. This is nothing, I’ve had worse.”

He shook his head. “I don’t care. There is no reason for you to clean when you are not well. I want you to be healthy when you work for me, so go to bed and rest. The dust won’t go anywhere.”

“But—” you tried to argue, only to be cut off by a coughing fit. Your eyes watered at the dryness of your throat. You turned away from him, wiping away the tears escaping your eyes without permission.

Isaac put a hand on your arm, fighting against his instinct to draw back as he felt you tense. “Here,” he said instead, handing you a glass of water. 

You could only nod in thanks, downing it in the hopes that it would soothe the scratching feeling in your throat. “Thanks,” you croaked after the coughing had subsided, silently cursing fate for having him here to witness it. “I’m—”

“I said I don’t care,” he interrupted you, taking the glass and looking at you sternly, leaving no room for disobedience. “I don’t care if you think you’re fine. I will not have you working if you’re sick, so go to bed and rest. I don’t want to see you running around again today.”

You hung your head. “Alright,” you said defeated, reaching for the cleaning supplies only for Isaac to take hold of your wrist.

“I will take care of it,” he said, “go.”

His tone sounded so harsh and dismissive. You tried to shake the feeling of being a complete failure as you walked up the stairs, convinced that this was it and you would be fired in the morning. Why he had taken a chance on you was beyond the reasonable anyway. It must have been a lapse of judgment, and Isaac would surely realize this now. 

You got into bed, throwing on one of the comfortable sweaters he had bought you and resting against the soft pillows. Nothing distracted you from your feverish thoughts now, so you stared at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to wash over you. 

This would be the last time you got to sleep in this bed, the last time you could curl up under the comforter as you nuzzled your face into the pillows. You sighed, closing your eyes. You could pretend the silent tears running down your face were from the fever. 

“Pickle?” You sat up with a start, shaking off the hand on your shoulder immediately as you looked at the figure leaning over you with wide eyes. “Sorry,” Isaac said, raising his hands placatingly, showing you he was not a threat. “How are you feeling?”

You laid back, exhaling deeply as your heartbeat calmed. “Fine,” you said, grimacing at his disapproving look. “Better, I mean. A little better.”

“Can you sit up?” he asked, tucking an extra pillow behind your back, assuring you were comfortable as you leaned against the headboard. “Here,” he said, placing a tray on your lap, “I made you Okayu.”

Your gaze flickered between him and the rice porridge. “You didn’t have to,” you said confused, taking the cup of green tea he pressed into your hand and sipping on it as he looked at you expectantly. “Did you add ginger?”

“I did,” Isaac said, giving you a small smile as he placed his hand on your forehead to check your temperature. “She— This is what my mother used to make when I got sick.”

You handed the cup back to him, and Isaac placed it on your bedside table, waiting for you to eat. “I’m sorry,” you said, looking down at the rice, “I didn’t mean to inconvenience you.”

Isaac scoffed. “It’s not your fault you’re sick,” he said, cocking his head to the side as he sighed. “It just happens sometimes. It’s natural.”

“Yeah, still,” you said, slowly digging into the rice, “I wanted to get the broad cleaning done this week and now I can’t. I mean, I could if you’d let me. It’s just a cold, after all.”

He rolled his eyes at your insistence. “You have a fever. You’re not doing anything, “he said, narrowing his eyes at the downturn of your lips. “We’ll see how you feel tomorrow.” You hummed in agreement. “Regardless, you’ll have plenty of time to clean. There’s no need to rush. I’ll be needing you for a long while still, I suppose.”

“Promise?” you said, only half teasing as you finished your rice. You could not tell how he figured out what bothered you, but you were grateful for his perceptiveness. Perhaps it was a coincidence, but his reassurance was sweet nonetheless.

Isaac chuckled, taking away the tray and placing a wet cloth over your forehead as you lay down again. “I promise. Rest now, Pickle.”

“Pickle, huh?”

[marivoid]

Entry 25

Day 200

I think I nearly avoided death by not sticking around this guy.

While I was busy clearing out a gas station today, this guy popped out of nowhere! I swear on it! That gas station was as dead as dust and then he just shows up out of the blue! (Or brown? The sky doesn't exactly look blue really.)

He seemed decently friendly while I spoke to him. Rambling on about how he's completing these "Zedvancements" (I still haven't figured out what qualifies for one of those things) and that he needed help on this next one.

Then came the change in attitude.

"You know you could be a really useful person! It's just a second." It started off casual.

"No thank you."

"Come on man! I haven't seen anyone in what? Five, six days? My Zedvancements are boring without anyone to complete them with!" He got a bit louder around here.

"I am sorry but I really can't! I have to go speak to a man about a horse, you know? Can't dilly dally!"

That eye of his... He didn't seem all too happy when I told him no at that time.

(As I'm writing this down, I feel so stupid! He probably just wanted my head on a spike or something!)

"Who are you trying to meet with?" He had started to walk a circle around me then. Like I was prey (AND I SOMEHOW DIDN'T REALIZE. WAY TO GO PAST ME WHAT THE FUCK! WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE NUMBER ONE DUMBASS OF THE YEAR) "There can't be anyone that important that you can't stay a day or two!"

"Well, actually there is. I'm trying to find the Doctor!" And I had turned. Away. Just turned away and walked to the door like there wasn't a single damn in the world. "My arm here needs work to be done. Keeps glitching out!"

I distinctly remember just how shocked he was when I looked back at him. How that golden-yellow eye was fixed on me. How his weird pupil dilated several times over in just the span of seconds. He was getting angry and I hadn't known it at the time.

"You can't be serious! THE Doctor?? The madman?! Are you insane?"

"I am!" I had to of been stupid to keep talking to him, let alone to just crack open one of the last pop bottles that lingered on the shelves (I'm still fine as of writing this. I'm not hurting or sick because of that drink.) "He's the only one who can fix my arm. It's Watcher Tec and Admins were never trained on how to fix that kind of stuff."

"YOU'RE FROM A G.U.I.D.E?!" I swear to you his scream could have scared off a Night Stalker. "That's genuine Watcher Tec?? You have Old Metal??"

"I wouldn't call it that." I had let him see the complex steam system wiring up my arm to my stub. "It's titanium, not the stuff that the G.U.I.D.E.s were made from. And even then, good luck trying to pry that stuff off the walls. Once it's molded, it's stuck for good!"

I hadn't realized he had been staring at me like I was a fool. No, I was too busy chugging my soda. (Still really good by the way!)

"I know a couple of people that could melt it down." He had said oh so casually. (No I did not do a spit take here, shush.) "One's a few days South from here. The other, West. Find one of those guys and they'll help melt down some G.U.I.D.E. metal."

"I'll see what I can do for you. No promises though. Do you have a number or however these things work?"

Annnnd that's how I suddenly have three new contacts in my wrist thingy. (From here on out I'll just call it a Comm, since it's a Communication Device of a sorts, but not exactly like how those old phones worked back in the day.)

Person one (South) is called "The Demon" in my phone. I don't think that's a very trustworthy name, but it could be worse. The second one, however, is called "Heavy-Body Builder." What's a Heavy-Body Builder? Is it important? Dangerous?

And the third...

"Zedaph"

I'll have to make sure to contact that number as little as possible. Leave it alone unless absolutely necessary. That guy was NOT safe. But at least he showed me how to take photos on this thing. Got a reference for the journal though, so it was kind of worth almost dying.

Just got to find The Doctor.

-MLW

-G.U.I.D.E 67

[arkhamsrevenge]

haiii thank u for writing ps5 harry osborn fics!! can u write a fic with making out with him plz and thank u!!

Hello! I can try! Here you go!

How on earth did you get to this point? Pete called you saying Harry was feeling a little off today ever since his treatment wasn’t helping anymore. You always made his day better and Peter knew Harry had a crush on you all throughout high school. You stayed in contact with Harry, Peter and MJ since then and have always been a frequent flier when the three of them wanted to do something together. But Harry disappeared for two years and you lost touch with MJ and Peter during that time. Not on purpose but not having Harry around hurt a lot and all of you were just constant reminders of how he wasn’t there to each other. MJ and Peter were able to lean on each other but you ran from your emotions, something you still regret. When Aunt May died you went to the funeral and were basically tackled by MJ and Pete who were so relieved to see you. All of you cried in each others arms that day. Cried for May, and for each other. Later MJ and Peter would inform you about what really happened to Harry. That was the third group cry you all had. Peter started a group chat to make sure no one was left behind again. Yet there was still a hole in your chest every time you saw MJ and Pete together. It was a reminder that Harry wasn’t here, he wasn’t with you. When Harry came back, he had a cane with him and he was standing outside Pete’s door. His figure was leaning on his old car and he looked in deep thought. MJ was the first to scream with joy but you stayed frozen. Harry looked up to see her running down the steps to him, you thought you were dreaming until she hugged him. She knocked him off balance a bit as well. Peter had heard MJ’s scream and swung open the door. He turned to you with a smile and ran after MJ. Finally you were able to unfreeze and follow after Pete who looked like he wasn’t going to let go of Harry anytime soon. “I missed you.” He said smiling. It was nice to see Pete smile like that after May died but soon those amber eyes met yours, you swore your heart stopped. Pete stepped away and turned to you waiting for you to move but you didn’t have a chance to. Harry reach out and pulled himself to you, almost knocking you over. You were able to catch yourself and him. “Sorry.” He mumbled burying his face into your neck. You couldn’t even speak at first, afraid you’d break down if you tried.He held you for a long time until Peter cleared his throat. Which made the two of you break the hug. 

“We can leave you two alone if you want.” MJ chuckled as your face got hot. Since that day, all four of you hadn’t left each others side. But then, Harry was getting sick again which is why you went to his house. Pete said he and Harry were fighting but trying to look for a cure. Your job was to keep morale up for Harry. At least you succeeded in that since you're currently straddling his lap with his tongue down your throat. You guys were just watching a movie, one you couldn’t recall the title of. You couldn’t even pay attention as your mind was elsewhere. Thinking of every resource you could pull in order to help Harry get better. He must have read your mind because he took your hand making you jump in surprise. 

“Yikes. Sorry space cadet but I had to get you to come back to earth.” Harry said laughing. You smiled back and held his hand tighter, noticing they were getting colder, blood flow was getting worse. Still you rubbed the back of his hand with your thumb. “Stop looking at me like that.” Harry whispered. This time you looked up to meet his hazel eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.” You wanted to believe him so bad but your mind has always gone to the worst case scenario first. “I’m not and I feel fine.” Harry said, spreading his arms wide, letting go of your hand. “I feel confident enough to try and tickle you even if you run.” Your eyes widened and your smile dropped. Harry snickered. “That’s how good I feel.” You gulped and screamed laughing as Harry launched himself at you. You tried to maneuver over the arm of the couch but Harry grabbed you by the ankles and pulled you back. “Uh uh uhhhh.” He laughed, tickling your sides. Not wanting to hurt him you tried not to kick as he mercilessly tickled you. Suddenly he stopped making you open your eyes and look at him. Your laughing started to stop while you tried to catch your breath, your brow furrowed as you waited for him to say something. “If somehow…” he started, “I don’t…I have to go away again, I want no regrets.” He whispered. You were suddenly extremely aware of the position you were in. Harry was hovering over you, face very close to yours and Harry keeps looking from your lips to your eyes like he’s begging for something. Your cheeks go hot and you start to lean up on your elbows. You go slow to make sure he knows he can pull away if he wants but Harry stays still. Lightly you test the waters by placing your lips on his slowly giving him a kiss. You started to pull away when Harry met your lips again, wanting more he pulled you up and across his lap so you were straddling him. You continued to kiss him until you felt the tip of his tongue poking at your lips. Harry turned his head to get better access to your mouth as you let him explore. Eventually you pull away wanting him to catch his breath. Harry struggled to breathe normally for a minute. “I’m OK.” He whispers and pulls you into another kiss. 

“Well you definitely boosted morale.” MJ’s voice carried across the room. You jumped in surprise and got off Harry’s lap stunned. Harry’s face was redder than his hair. “I dropped by to check on you Harry but you seem just fine.” 

[epickiya722]

1, 6,9,25 for the violence ask game

1. The character everyone gets wrong.

First character that quickly came to mind is Izuku Midoriya. I'm sorry, but some of the things I have seen some people say about him SUCKS.

"He's such a crybaby." You bet not be a fan of any Shonen protagonist or a side character you think is ever because more than once they have cried their ass off, too. The crying gag ain't nothing new, so stop.

"He's too nice."

This is the same kid is willing to punch the shit out of people. Hell, most of the time, he's just sick of the bullshit going around him.

Other than Midoriya, Present Mic also comes to mind. I'm sorry, he's not dumb, irresponsible or even all that silly. He can be a goof, but it's along the lines of "I'm an outgoing person". Same man who correctly states that there had to be a traitor at UA. Same man who teaches an English class, has to do announcements, runs a radio show...

6. Which ship fans are the most annoying?

Not more so the ship, but the people that annoys me. Like a person can also like the same ship as me, but it doesn't stop me from being annoyed by them if they do something. Example, I will never understand the whole "top/bottom" thing and the top gotta be the provider and the bottom does chores and whatnot.

Oh, what, the top in the bedroom can't be the one to do the household chores and the bottom is the provider?

I think the "top/bottom" thing should just be for takes in the bedroom and not determine the household roles. I have more to say but I don't want to drag this out longer or bore anyone today.

9. Worst part of canon.

Okay, for JJK, there's only three things I'm iffy about so far but not really and this could change, you never know. SPOILERS AHEAD.

One is Yuji and Kenjaku not having more interactions since Shibuya. Kenjaku may truly be dead and that would suck because I wished for just one more interaction between those two.

Two is Nobara not having been in the story since Shibuya. Now I know it's believed she is dead, but until the manga is over I ain't believing it. Hell, I hope she makes a return before Gojo (possibly) does. She deserves to kick some more ass.

The third is Uro. I miss her so much and I just think she deserves to return to and kick ass. I'll be honest, I adore Yuta but I did not care to see him use her technique. I didn't. I hated that the ending of the Uro v. Ryu v. Yuta fight. The latter two talk about Uro while she's offscreen knocked out somewhere. Call me petty but I was glad to see Ryu got killed.

25. Common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing.

BONES, don't release any more trailers for season 7 because some of the fandom acts as if the blue sky is the worst thing in the world as if it hadn't been a thing since season 1 or that maybe it's ironic that the worst things happen when the sky is clear (I have had bad days when the weather is beautiful, it makes me feel worse because it's like 'I should have a good day'). Or that if one pays attention to the trailer, the sky does change color. The blue sky ain't permanent.

Choose Violence Ask Game

[bellysoupset]

I think the original ask for this was from @sleepysickies, but my inbox may have eaten it. I'm sorry! Either way: jealous Bella who's sick + Lucas.

-----

Her head was throbbing.

It had been throbbing since the previous day, when she had been out with Wendy looking for house decor and she had thought it was simply from eating so much salt and not drinking enough water, but by now Bella was seriously starting to consider something else was at play.

Not only her head was aching like a nightmare, her stomach was super upset. She had forced herself to eat something for lunch, since she had skipped breakfast, but it had been a mistake. The few bites of her salad were swirling away, sending up the tiniest burps that tasted like bloody grass and to make matters worse today she was in student duty, which meant that instead of working from the nice A/C office, she was running around campus helping students with their issues.

This had been how she had met Lucas and the fact only made her all the more bitter.

At least it was the last call she had for the night, then she could clock out and go the fuck home.

It was decently late, she always got the late shifts that no one wanted, around 9 PM and the call was from the library. A group of girls were reunited around the computer, as if they could somehow summon it into working.

"Hi, Samantha Andrews?" Bella called, tugging on her red polo. It felt like it was suffocating her, "you called because there was an issue with your machine?"

"Yes," Sam was the shorter of the three girls, "I don't know what happened, I was trying to save my design and the whole thing bluescreened... Did I loose everything? It's due tomorrow-" it was always due tomorrow, Bella hadn't ever met a student who did things in time.

"Let me check," she sat down before the machine, starting to do the obvious things but that most people didn't bother to do before calling IT: cleaning cache, defragmenting, cleaning disks, running a virus check-

"No, I'm serious," one of Sam's friends said, giggling, "he walked up to me."

"Bullshit Melissa, he dates."

"So what?" Sam scoffed, backing Melissa up, "these football guys cheat on their girlfriends all the time, I don't think dating would stop him from making a pass on Mel."

"Guys, no," Mel whined, "I heard he's single now."

Bella tried not to listen, she really did. However while the malware scan ran, there were only two things to do: stare at nothing and overhear. Or she could focus on the horrible burning in her stomach, gurgling like hell. She could taste her lunch.

"Again, bullshit," the third friend replied, "we'd all know if the captain of the football team was single."

Oh no. Bella almost groaned out loud, she couldn't believe they had to be talking about Lucas of all fucking people to be talking about. With seven-fucking-thousand students and yet they had to be talking about the one guy she didn't want to hear gossip about.

"I think you are just jealous that he didn't want to take you home, Kelsey," Melissa scoffed and Bella's stomach churned at the mere mental image of it. She glanced over her shoulder. They all looked younger than her, they were first years for sure... Maybe second years.

Melissa was a ginger.

Bella pressed her lips tightly together, feeling sweat break over her forehead. She tried not to picture Lucas actually making a move on Melissa, but it was impossible, he was vivid in her mental image. The lopsided smile that used to make her knees weak, the sparkly green eyes... Her belly whined, being covered up by Kelsey gasping, offended.

"I am not! I'm just saying it sounds a little outlandish-"

"So what did he say exactly?" Sam asked, all interested. Bella burped, keeping her mouth shut and felt as little chunks went up her throat, then back down.

"We played some drinking game with his buddies and then he asked me if I wanted to leave with him," Melissa sounded so proud of herself, "his eyes are literally so pretty up close."

"Why didn't you?" Kelsey frowned, pouting and offended by the accusations.

"Some other football guy interrupted us," Melissa shrugged, "the one who looks like a disney prince."

"None of them," Kelsey chuckled, voice dripping venom.

"The one with the blonde hair?" Sam asked, frowning.

"No, the other one."

"None of them-"

"Uhm," Bella got up on shaky legs. She really was starting to feel faint, not just out of the pure anger at Lucas making passes in that barely legal walmart version of herself, but the queasiness had evolved into full on nausea, "there's a virus in your computer, we're - I'm going to warn the office to solve it remotely..." she squeezed the chair under her hand, "and to try and retrieve your work. They'll text you your protocol number-" her stomach clenched again and she gulped down, "is your phone up... Updated?"

"I think so?" Sam nodded nervously, "do I have to stick around...?"

"I'm afraid so," Bella agreed, trying to sound professional, "if that's all, then I'll go let them know."

"Yeah, that's all, thanks!" Sam smiled sweetly, before promptly sitting down on the chair Bella had left vacant and launching herself back into the gossiping.

Bella all but stumbled out to the front desk of the library. She used the staff phone to call IT and let them know, pressing her forehead to the cold wall.

Do you wanna go home with me?

What a fucking line, she scoffed, rattling off Sam's issue and quickly hanging up. She just really needed to go home... Or maybe get to the bathroom before she made a mess of herself.

Bella managed to turn the hallway and then another one, feeling drunk and disconnected from her body, until she slammed against a slab of concrete and nearly fell back on her ass, wasn't it for the slab reaching out and grabbing her arms.

"Hey!" Lucas' yelped, then sounded all breathy as he said, "Bell?!"

"Fuck," she groaned, "not you."

"Oh wow, you're the one who tried to run me over," he pouted, but didn't sound actually offended, "are you alright...?"

"What do you care?" Bella braced her hands against her knees, they were clammy, "you're ridiculous, you know? Moving on with a girl who just barely got her tits? Fan-fucking-tastic."

"I'm sorry...?" Luke frowned, all confused, "Bells, whatever are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you trying to fuck my cheap Walmart dupe," she gulped against the burning in her belly, swallowing it all down. Even nausea had to wait, because he couldn't just go and grab the first pale version of herself he could find. What a massive asshole.

"You're not making any sense... And no offense, but you look terrible, are you okay?"

"How-" she slammed a hand against his chest, "how dare you?"

Lucas planted a hand over hers in his chest, keeping it there. She could just feel his heart and Bella groaned, attempting to pull back, "how dare I do what?"

"Flirt with Daphne from Scooby Doo!" Bella glared at him, "really? Is that all it takes, a head of ginger hair?"

He let out an amused smile, "I have no idea what you're talking about, Bells..." then the little concerned wrinkle appeared back between his eyebrows, "is this about Spencer's sister?"

"Even her name- Mel" Bella groaned, "you make me sick."

"Oh it totally is," he let out a snort, "so what did you hear? Nothing good, I'm gonna guess-" once more she attempted to pull her hand back, since he was running his thumb teasingly over her knuckles, but Lucas kept it firmly into place over his chest, "I bet they're saying I made out with her?"

Her lunch moved up and Bella groaned, hanging her head, suddenly too nauseous to argue, "Luke, stop-"

"No, wait, it's probably even worse," he sounded a little sadistic, "to get you this pissed off- I fucked her and she's moving in with me."

"Luke, I..." she felt her eyes burn, mouth filling up with saliva. Bella attempted to swallow it down, failed miserably as it immediately filled up her mouth all over again, tasting even worse-

"You know it's all garbage, Bella, there's been no one since you," he squeezed her hand in his and she opened her mouth to retort, but there was a rush in her ears and suddenly she vomited all over the space between them, coving the tip of his sneakers with bright green.

"Told you to stop," she groaned and then her knees gave in. Luckily Lucas was already moving and he caught her easily, supporting her standing up.

"Bella, jesus- Baby, open your eyes, look at me- Bella, look at me!"

"Uhm-" her stomach gurgled and her head ached as she attempted to open her eyes, "Luke-"

"Okay, fuck this-" he quickly swooped her up, picking her up bridal style, "What the hell is going on?!"

Bella could've cried. She had missed him more than anything. This Lucas, not the stupid idiot who kept sending gifts to her dorm, this guy. The concerned sweetheart, who dropped everything for her, who made her feel number one even when she was feeling all types of crappy.

"Bells, please, talk to me?" he sounded very urgent.

"I wanna lie down," she groaned, squeezing his shirt in her fist and he nodded, pulling her up in his arms in order to fix her arms around neck and so he could press a kiss to her brow.

"I'm taking you home, don't worry-" he sighed, "you're definitely running a fever."

She closed her eyes, letting the momentary comfort wash over her, trying not to focus in the horrible sloshing in her belly. Going up and down with each of Lucas' footsteps as he carried her down the parking lot.

"I need to- My car is here..." she groaned and Lucas hummed something, his thumb brushing her back up and down.

"I'll get it later, Bella..."

She heard, faintly, the beep of his car unlocking and then Lucas was putting her sitting down in the passenger seat of his truck, his face coming into view once again. Bella groaned, dizzily resting back against the leather seat, as he strapped her in.

"Your hair is longer," she mumbled, blinking against the sudden exhaustion. Lucas let out a surprised chuckle, fixing the seatbelt so it wouldn't press against her belly too much.

"Yeah... So what is this? Are you in pain? Should I take you to the hospital or home-"

"I think it's just the flu," Bella sighed, breathing out, "I'm really queasy..."

"Tell me if I need to pull over, okay?" Lucas cupped her face, without thinking, planting a kiss to her forehead, "You'll be in bed soon."

Her eyes burned with a renewed desire to cry, so Bella just squeezed them shut and pressed her forehead to the cold window as he shut the door gently.

He didn't say anything else, despite the fact Bell could almost hear his frantic thoughts. Instead Lucas' hand came to rest at her knee, rubbing little circles against her skin with his thumb, as he split his attention between the road and her.

"I'm sorry about your shoes-"

"Whatever you heard about Mel is a lie."

They spoke at the same time and Bella opened a smile, curling up more in the seat as she felt her belly gurgle uneasily. She forced her eyes open, "what did happen with Mel?"

"Nothing," Lucas squeezed her thigh again, "she was drunk at a party I was at. She's Spencer's little sister, so I offered to drive her home. Aidan said he'd do it, so I dropped it, that was all."

She huffed, muffling a small sickening burp against her hand and Bella paused, swallowing against the urge to retch, now for a whole new reason, "uhm... So you didn't invite her home with you?"

"Please," he scoffed, then squeezed her leg again, "how are you feeling?"

"Humiliated," Bella closed her eyes, then leaned in and planted her head to his shoulder, "this doesn't mean anything."

"Okay," Lucas huffed, "you're really warm, baby."

"Yeah, I know..." she breathed out, slumping against him and pressing her nose to his jacket. It almost hurt how much she missed him.

Bell wasn't sure if she had drifted off or if Lucas was speeding, probably both, because they arrived at her dorm pretty quickly despite the fact it wasn't that close to campus.

She slowly peeled off from him, a blotch of red in the middle of her cheek from where it had been pressed against his arm. The movement was enough to wake up her stomach and Bella groaned as a wash of nausea rushed through her.

She undid the seatbelt, planting her hands to the dashboard and glaring at her feet, swallowing the bitter spit filling up her mouth. The passenger door opened.

"Bells?"

"Gonna be sick," she groaned, breathing deeply through her nose, "it really... It really fucking hurts, Luke..."

"C'mere," he turned her legs around, so instead of facing the inside of the car, she was sitting facing the outside. Bella shuddered as she felt him pull all of her hair up, a cold hand resting on her overheated nape.

She let out a moan, pressing a hand over her stomach, the uniform still clinging to her skin and suffocating, "it's not coming up."

"Let's get you inside then..."

It was awkward, to say the least. They weren't dating, they weren't even on speaking terms... Luke hadn't been to her dorm in so long that he no longer had a key. And yet here they were, Bella feeling too awful to pretend she didn't desperately crave the comfort he provided, Luke's arm wrapped around her shoulder as he held her up, unbothered by the sickly little burps she kept muffling against his chest.

"Keys?"

"My bag..." Bella shuddered, bracing against the door, "please hurry up..."

"Just a second, baby," he fiddled with her fussy lock for a second, before pushing it open just as Bella gagged against her hand. She didn't even wait for Luke to move out of her way, instead she snuck under his arm and rushed to the bathroom, dropping her bag in her hurry.

She didn't make it to the toilet, but to the sink and Bella immediately coughed up another gush of bright green puke. Her belly squeezed, whole body on fire and head swimming with the awful sensation.

Lucas pulled up her hair, gently peeling some curls that had stuck to the side of her sweaty forehead, "what the hell did you eat?" he said humorously, "crayons?"

Bella groaned, hunched over the sink and whined as the little chuckle he won made her belly ache even more, "please don't make me laugh, Luke."

"Sorry, sorry," he caught her eyes in the vanity mirror, smiling at her, "are you done?"

"For now," Bella nodded, turning on the water to wash the sink and her mouth, washing her mouth too. She walked back to the bedroom, while Lucas filled up a glass of water for her. The sticky sweaty sensation was the worse, so Bella quickly kicked out her shoes and unbuttoned her work polo, removing it.

"Bells?" Lucas stopped in the doorway of her bathroom, holding the glass, "uh- Do I have to turn around...?"

She was too tired to pretend to be bashful, when Lucas knew every inch of her body, "no. Get me my pjs, please?"

"Okay," he handed her the glass, "try to keep just a little down, Bell... Dots or stripes?"

"Anything," she rolled her eyes as he went through her mess of a first drawer, that housed all of the small stuff, pajamas, socks, lingerie, scrunchies, scarfs...

She kicked off her social pants, bunching it up and throwing them on the ground. Her stomach gurgled in relief as the waistband no longer squeezed it and she muffled a burp on her fist. There was a dent in her belly from where the pants had been squeezing her.

"Ugh, gross..."

"You're not gross," Lucas rolled his eyes, kneeling before her and patting her right leg, "up."

He helped her in the shorts and tank top, then grabbed the pants she had previously ditched, folding them dutifully. Bella tried not to think of how much she missed the many many fights they had had over her being messy.

She undid her bra from under the top and threw it at his head, but even distracted Lucas caught it mid air, throwing her a smug smile.

"As if you could outrun me."

"Don't, fucking, quote twilight to me," Bella kicked his thigh and he grinned back.

"What? Your favorite movie of ALL TIII-BELLA-" He giggled as she kicked his leg with even more force, before groaning as it promptly caused her stomach to slosh and jump.

"Ugh, bad idea..."

Luke frowned, putting the clothes away on top of her dresser and then stood next to her bed, "do you want me to get you the bin...?"

"Please," she nodded, even if she didn't feel like she was going to puke right at the moment, Bella knew it was going to come back sooner rather than later.

Lucas moved around and she closed her eyes, sinking in her mattress and trying to ignore the icky feeling of all the bubbles in her belly, rolling around.

"Here," he whispered, planting the basket right next to her bed, "I... Are you going to be alright?"

She nodded, opening her eyes in time to see the kicked puppy look he had on. Bella was not that strong, she thought, moving on the bed and grabbing his wrist.

"Could you... Could you stay? Just until my roommate gets here...?"

This was a bad idea, a horrible one, Bella thought as Lucas nodded eagerly, removing his shoes and then crawling into the bed with her. Horrible, terrible idea, she rolled onto her side and pressed her back to his chest, pulling his arm to wrap around her waist.

"Get some rest," Lucas whispered, planting a kiss on her naked shoulder, his hand sneaking right under her tank top to rest over her upset stomach.

A really bad idea.

[spookidema]

A Serpent's Love

Genre: Angst/ Yandere Lee Minho (sorta?)

Pairing: Best Friends Han Jisung & Lee Minho

Tags: @alwayschoosechocolate @multistanisms

Summary: One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Five murders with no explanation are what Han Jisung was dealing with for the last three months. Terror fills the castle with the fear that anyone could be next. No one knows who is orchestrating these deaths, but one thing Jisung knows for sure is these can't be a coincidence.

"Tabitha Lewis. Seventh year. Ravenclaw." "Heather Fray. Sixth year. Slytherin." "Micheal Slyke. Sixth year. Ravenclaw." "Katie Slyke. Seventh year. Gryffindor." "Abbie Carter. Sixth year. Hufflepuff."

Five murders in the last three months. All different races, genders, and levels of blood purity. Nothing that tied each murder to one another but maybe houses and the third and fourth victims being cousins. The only thing that connects all of them together would be how they were killed and even that was a mystery.

No witnesses. No signs of a battle. No traceable spells or poisons. Nobody knew how and why this was happening. All anyone knew was that the victims were alive and well at least an hour before they were killed. All were killed in locations that could be seen as safe. There were too many ways around the castle that anyone or anything could come in and kill them.

'Nothing makes sense,' Han Jisung, a sixth year Hufflepuff, thought.

"Wow, you're really in the clouds today, Sungie," a voice echoed through causing Jisung to jump and look towards it.

The voice was Jisung's best friend, Lee Minho. A Slytherin seventh year. Jisung and Minho have been friends since Jisung's first year and Minho's second year; when Minho helped Jisung after he got a howler from his parent to not come home that Yule just because he was sorted into Hufflepuff instead of Gryffindor by offering and bringing Jisung home with him. Over the years, they have been thick as theives, and even though they made a friend group with six other boys that stretch between seventh year to two fifth years. They were mostly seen together everywhere. The only times they weren't together were when they were in class or asleep in their dorms.

"Just thinking, Min," Jisung said smiling to the older boy." You didn't show for breakfast. Felix had to tear himself from Changbin to sit with me."

"You would think those two were conjoined twins the way they are attached to each other," Minho said chuckling slightly wrapping his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders.

"You know it's only gotten worse since the deaths started," Jisung said leaning into Minho as they started walking." Everyone is fearing they are next. There haven't been any deaths in Hogwarts since the Second Wizarding War in the '90s."

Minho remained quiet.

"They even brought in the famous Harry Potter to see if he could solve the mystery and everything," Jisung rambled on. "I'm hoping this passes, so they don't shut down the school. My parents are enough to deal with the three or four days I have to suffer before I go to you or one of the other houses for the summer. I also don't want to hear they complain about having to transfer me to the school in America."

"I'm sure they won't have to close the school, Sungie," Minho tried reassuring his friend. "These deaths are probably just a fluke or an unknown sickness."

Jisung didn't seem to be convinced as he and Minho turned a corner. Jisung stayed in his head several moments not realizing someone was headed towards him until they smacked into each other.

"Watch where you are going, you fucking blood traitors," the passing Gryffindor spat at them. "I don't want snake and its whore's germs on me."

Jisung flinched back into Minho quietly apologizing for bumping into the lion.

"Fucking apologize to him," Minho growled out ice coating his words." You are the idiot walking in the middle of the fucking hallway."

"Min, it's okay," Jisung tried to pull Minho away so there wouldn't be a fight in the middle of the hallway.

"I'm not apologizing for shit," the Gryffindor said smirking." You snakes and lesser houses need to stay out the way of the better house."

"Gryffindor hasn't won the house cup nor the Quidditch cup since the famous Golden trio or Ginny Potter nee Weasley left Hogwarts," Jisung remarked confused." If anything, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff have the better average of getting the house cup and Hufflepuff and Slytherin for the Quidditch cup."

"Shut up, you blood traitor," the lion demanded." We had Harry Potter come from our house. He-Who-Not-Be-Named came from you snakes and nobody of importance from Hufflepuff."

"Nymphadora Tonks, Grogan Stump, Artemisa Lufkin, Bridget Wenlock, Theseus and Newt Scamander," Minho said deadpan," and that's without the Fat Friar and their founder Helga Hufflepuff."

"That-"

"Merlin, Severus Snape, Leta Lestrange, and Narcissa Malfoy," Jisung stated quietly." Harry Potter even spoke about how Narcissa Malfoy lied to Voldemort's face to save him, and Snape was a spy for the Order."

The lion turned red in the face in anger. Minho quickly released Jisung and pulled out his wand.

"Now that's out the way. I'm giving you one more chance to apologize to Jisung," Minho stated coldly. "Now."

"Fuck both of you," the lion spat stumping off.

Minho flourished his wand slightly before putting it away.

"Are you okay, Sungie," Minho asked softly looked him over.

"I'm fine, Min," Jisung confirmed sadly. "Those kinds of people are assholes. Fucking bullies love fucking with Felix, Seungmin, and me."

"They needd to learn not to miss with what's not theirs," Minho growled once again. Pulling Jisung back into him, Minho set off to the Kitchens.

After their run in with the Gryffindor, Jisung noticed Minho was glaring at the Gryffindor every time Minho caught sight of them. Jisung also noticed Minho seemed to quietly hiss to himself anytime Minho thought Jisung wasn't paying attention.

It was Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw Quidditch match when everything came to a head. Both teams were on the field and just about to kick off when Professor Longbottom came running on the field to Madam Hooch. As they spoke for a bit, Jisung felt a rock in the middle of his stomach.

Jisung felt an arm wrap around his shoulder causing him to jump.

"Jumpy there, Sungie," Minho chuckled.

"Something happened," Jisung mumbled. Minho let out a small 'shit' with the beginning seeming to be extended.

Once Longbottom and Hooch were done speaking, Hooch made an announcement.

"All students need to return to their dorms," Hooch announced. "Leia Starks, report to the headmaster's office."

The student body slowly made their out of the stands whispering. Jisung grabbed Felix's hand pulling Felix with him and MInho.

"That's another one, Ji," Felix said scared. "What's going to happen now?"

"I don't know, Lix," Jisung replied.

As all the students started back to their dorms and Jisung and Felix separated from Minho, Jisung stopped just shy of entering their common room.

"Wait for me in our dorm," Jisung told Felix." I will be right back."

"Where are you going," Felix asked worried. "They told us to go back to our dorms."

"Kitchens," Jisung replied lying." I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight or calm down without some kind of tea."

Felix reluctantly let Jisung leave.

Jisung snuck his way down the halls toward the Teacher's Lounge hoping to find out some kind of information on who was attacked.

"Adam Starks was a model student. Who would want to kill him? I don't understand, Minerva," Jisung heard Professor Flitwick say.

"Academically? Yes, but outside of the classroom, several students complain about his behavior to others outside his own house. He's latest complaint was from one of my snakes, Minho Lee," Professor Theodore Nott said as his voice moved from one part of the room to another.

"Mr. Lee is a student who stays around those he trusts. What was his complaint?"

"Apparently after Mr. Starks bumped into Mr. Lee and Mr. Han, and Mr. Han apologized, he called Mr. Han a quote ' unimportant snake whore' and was very antagonistic towards the two boys."

"And can anyone confirm this?"

"Leslie Addams was with Starks at the time and confirmed Mr. Lee's complaint."

"Nevertheless, the boy is no longer with us. We have no correlation between the now six murders. Nothing connects the six."

Jisung stopped listening at that point. Static filled his ears. Jisung took off running to the Kitchens.

Adam Starks, Micheal and Katie Slyke. Heather Fray. Tabitha Lewis. Abbie Carter. They did all have something in common. They are all people who had bullied, messed with, or were bystanders to the bullying of Jisung, Felix, or Seungmin. Mostly Jisung. Minho's words started coming back to Jisung.

'They need to learn not to mess with what's not theirs.'

Minho had to have had something to do with all this. Not something Jisung wanted to admit to thinking, but that's the only solution.

Jisung arrived at the Kitchens and as he entered, he spotted Minho sitting at one of the tables drinking tea.

"What did you do," Jisung softly asked scared for the answer.

"What are you talking about," Minho replied with a raised eyebrow.

"What did you do to the six dead students, Minho," Jisung demanded.

"I didn't do anything, Sungie," Minho said nonchalantly.

"Bull, Minho," Jisung snapped. "All six of them have messed with me, Felix, and Seungmin. They all ended up dead days after. So, what did you do?"

Minho chuckled darkly as he put down his tea. He pulled out his wand and casted a privacy ward.

"Minho, this is serious," Jisung stressed." You killed six people."

"And what makes you believe I did it, sweet Sungie," Minho asked with a serpentine grin.

"You haven't denied it, Minho."

"I haven't confirmed it either, Sungie," Minho said walking toward Jisung. "You really think I would be capable of killing anyone?"

"You are capable of anything when it comes to anyone in our friend group. So again, what did you do?"

Minho chuckled again before he let out several hisses. A small bright green snake slides its way around Minho's neck from the hood of his cloak.

"You know the Gaunt family didn't just escape to America? One member found their way to South Korea," Minho smirked petting the serpent's head." While I have no desire to try and take down the Wizarding World like my cousin. I refuse to let bottom feeders of this school mess with what is mine, and you are mine."

"You're an heir of Slytherin," Jisung said shocked.

"And to think the hat didn't place you into Ravenclaw," Minho mocked lovingly. He stepped forward trapping Jisung against the wall.

"Back off, Minho," Jisung growled slightly.

"Now, now, no need for that," Minho tutted." You will always be safe with me."

"You killed six people. They are dead cause of you," Jisung argued.

"To be fair, I didn't kill them," Minho said simply. "My basilisk did."

"A fucking basilisk?!" Jisung exclaimed.

"What do you think kind of death can't be traced," Minho smirked brushing Jisung's bangs back causing him to flinch."All because I love you so much that I would risk discovery to keep you safe."

"Love? This is mental, Minho. Why would you think this is okay," Jisung argued. "I don't even know you anymore. I don't even know if I knew you to begin with."

"I wanted you safe and happy," Minho stated frantically.

"You are a monster, Lee Minho," Jisung spoke plainly, "and I'm turning you in."

Minho glared at the shorter boy.

"Everything I've done has been for you. Every kill for you. Everything to keep you safe and mine. You are my everything," Minho spat out.

"And before finding this out, I would have said the same, you were my everything as well, but this is too much, Minho," Jisung's eyes turned watery from the stress of everything." I don't know you anymore. You aren't the man I thought I could love."

Minho's face became blank at Jisung's words.

"Maybe it's better if you never knew. Obliviate."

Jisung's world went black.

[legofanguy]

Miphlink: The day of vows

This is a entry for @miphlinkweek event Miphlinkweek2023 day 2: Proposal/wedding. This fanfiction is set in a Federal Japan AU with the Zoras as Hylians with their usual kimono colors is the colors of their main universe counterparts skins, and the wedding has a mix of Shinto wedding and western Cristian weddings. This story is also a test for the Shino wedding I planned to do on my entry for Inkag fluff week 2023.

Link walk left and right wearing his black robe, finding himself in his toughest challenge yet, which is making sure his wedding ceremony go off with any problems. For years, Link has been a freelance swordman, offering his services of protection to villages and clans during this age of war in Japan. Link never believed he would find happiness until he visit the Zora Domain, which he visited in his youth, and meet his childhood friend Mipha when he offer his services to the damiyo Dorephan. Mipha, whose is said to be a skilled healer and warrior in combat with the naginata, has grown to be a fine beautiful young woman since the years of their childhood, wearing a bring red and blue kimono with fish patterns. Soon, as time move on, the two friends become lovers, and Dorephan, Mipha's father, see evidence of this that he decided to have the two married. It is a nice idea that the both of them agreed, as well put Link in the position of being a samurai in service to Zora Domain.

However, marriage to a powerful family would lead to dealing with politics and that something that troubled Link. As he think, Link pause when he open a door open and watch as Mipha come out of her room, wearing a beautiful white kimono with a hood to hide her face from all others until the end of the wedding ceremony. Mipha's maidens has certainlly worked overtime to make their lady beauty for the ceremony as Link immediately said upon seeing Mipha, "You look beautiful." which Mipha smile. She hold her arm out and Link take it to lead the both of them to the room in the castle when the wedding ceremony is hold.

Link and Mipha enter the room where the wedding ceremony is hold and Mipha's family, her father and her younger but taller brother Sidon, were all sitting with some servants and a priest is at the center of the room, standing before a altar. Arm to arm, the two then walk to the altar and come before the priest, whose begins with some words, "Benevolent spirits of the ancestors, thank you for gathering us here today and for bringing these two in reunion. It is thank to you that Link and Mipha are blessed with each other and has come as one."

Three cups of different sizes are place in the altar and holy water are pour into them as the priest said, "Now, let the would-be married couple drink the holy water to represent their future as a happy father, a happy mother, and a child that would be born into their blessed life." Link the first cup, which was the smallest cup, and hand it to Mipha, whose drink from it. Next, Miha then drink from the second cup and hand it to Link to drink it. The order of the ones to drink from the third is a repeat of the drinking order of the first cup, with Link and then Mipha. Once the three cups are put away, the priest put evergreen on the altar and said, "Spirits of the ancestors, we place this evergreen to reflect our gratitude of you spirits for blessing their union. It is with your powers and the blessings of the goddess Hylia that they come together as one." The priest then said, "Now, I call for the ring bearer to bring forward the ring." A child put two silver rings on a pillow onto the altar next to the evergreen.

As the silver rings are lay on the altar, the priest said, "You may exchange the rings and make your wedding vows." Link put the wedding ring on Mipha's finger as he said, "I, Link, take thee, Mipha, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to Hylia's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith." Soon, it was Mipha's turn to make her vows as she put the wedding ring on Link's finger, "I, Mipha, take thee, Link, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to Hylia's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

Once the vows are done, the priest then said, "In the name of the goddess Hylia, they are, till dead do them part, now husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." Link and Mipha happily kiss each other as the priest request, and everyone clap to signal the end of the ceremony. Breaking off from their kiss, Mipha cry happily at her and Link's special day as they head down the hall to the dining room for the fest.

[fearowkenya]

the timing for this anime convention could not have been worse; i have an INSANE backlog of odaiba day stuff to look at but unfortunately theres a final fantasy concert at the convention im going to this evening and im irrationally terrified of spoilers. also like. games been out since february. i think it's realistic for most people to have lifted spoiler embargo now.

i am for realsies almost done though i think. i skipped two side-quests so that i could finish this game today. i know what the gilgamesh quest line is and i just dont have time to fight that many summons. and then the other is golden saucer minigames and i dont want to!!! sick of golden saucer minigames!!!!!!!!!

but im really excited to almost be through this game. i can easily see myself doing an NG+ when the third one is on the brink of release. i think that if i dont have all the intel gathering stuff to do the game will take me far less long. i dont intend on replaying it anytime soon BUT i will use chapter select postgame to look at all the golden saucer scenes.

[siriannatan]

Scott's vampire troubles

This one was actually a request over on AO3

Maybe I shouldn't have been writing it right after waking up and while watching Bloodborne let's play..

AO3

Scott huffed and wrapped himself tighter in his blanket and glared at the covered with thick curtains windows. He messed up. Miscalculated how often he needs to feed. A good balance of feeding and vampiric sleep came with age he guessed. Not even twenty years was surely not long enough to figure it out. It certainly wasn't long enough to gather enough funds to live comfortably and want for nothing like vampires in books, movies and stories.

Getting flatmates was a mistake anyway. He should have just settled with a smaller apartment. A less safe area of town would do too. Would make hunting easier.. But even a vampire got lonely okay. And Scott knew no other vampires. The only other vampire he knew was the one who turned him and left with a cold laugh as if he did it all for amusement...

Well. No matter. The facts still stood that he was hungry and could not let himself sleep the day away to regain some strength and control and... that he had to lie to Jimmy and fWhip once again. About the third time this week actually. The last two times were because of his grand idea of doing some work while his roommates slept so he could hang it out with them. He did have to stay mindful of the sun as it drained his energy at a great speed and left dark, allergy-like marks on his skin with too much direct contact. He had told them he was sick and that he'd stay in bed the whole day but of course he had to pick two of the more caring and nice humans... who were probably in a relationship but didn't tell anyone, making him feel even worse.

And they would not leave his door alone. Coming by and asking if he was hungry - he was absolutely starving but there was no way he'd bite either of them if he needed any kind of help. What Scott needed was for them to finally go to the damn movie they were supposed to see today and let him sneak away and hunt. If he even had enough strength left for that... If he had a short nap first, then he...

"Scott? Are you really okay to stay alone?" Jimmy asked after Scott ignored a soft knock on his door. He was too worried about noises of the two cooking since they both tended to be a bit careless and often ended with random small cuts. Usually, it would not bother Scott but he was a bit of an idiot lately so... the quiet curse probably only he and fWhip knew about had his head spinning. fWhip cut himself. 

"Yes," Scott managed to choke out while biting back a growl. Why did he choose an apartment with no locks? Because he trusted his flatmates would respect it when he asked them to NEVER open his door. But Jimmy was a worried idiot and opened the door.

"Sorry, it just... you don't sound okay and we'd hate if something..."

"Close the door..." Scott mumbled hoping beyond hope he would not growl as soon as he opened his mouth. As luck would have it he did. The thing about hungry vampires was... their stomachs did not growl. Their voices got more and more growly as they went with no blood. And Scott was an idiot who had not fed in over a week.

"Are you sure?" Jimmy asked one more time, not yet closing the door what was driving Scott's thirst insane. 

Scott was not about to try and talk again. He'd worry Jimmy even more... "Jim? Are we out of bandages? And is Scott okay?"

Bad. Very bad. fWhip and his cut were right outside his open door and all Scott could do was lie there and grab at his bed, hoping nothing would tear. Not too loudly anyway...

"I think we did yesterday, and no idea," Jimmy sighed and his head peered back into Scott's room. "Are you really going to be okay?" he asked and Scott's dead, still heart sank. 

What was he supposed to do? Jimmy and fWhip were super nice to him. And he was a jerk vampire three seconds from jumping them in which case he would have to kill them and flee very far away...

"No, but I'll be after a nap... really..." Scott said, trying to hold back the growl but it came out anyway. He should have pretended to be asleep when Jimmy knocked on his door. Snore or something... He would not be feeling as terrible now. Maybe... "I... *growl* I promise..." he mumbled and hid his face in a pillow. Mentally praying to whatever god looked over vampires the two would leave him alone. Damn you remaining bits of humanity... 

"Scott... I can't just leave you like this," Jimmy sighed and walked in. fWhip followed close behind him. Making Scott whimper and worry the two even more. "Scott?" Jimmy called out and was suddenly right next to him.

"Leave. Leave. Please just leave before I..." Scott muttered into his pillow. 

He did not see Jimmy and fWhip exchange cautious looks. He didn't even feel a hand on his back. The smell was too strong... It overtook his senses and he was at the very brink of his wits. He was seconds away from a disaster.

"Scott... Please just tell us what's going on. You're obviously not okay," it was fWhip's turn to try and talk to him.

"Nothing you two need to know, I'll be fine tomorrow..." Scott muttered. "Just leave... Please..." he added, daring to look at fWhip but that was a mistake. His eyes were no longer cyan, no instead they were red, with vertical pupils so thin they were almost not there, with thirst. Seeing him take a step back Scott hid his face again. He messed up. He messed up so badly... "I'm sorry... just leave me be... please..."

"Not how it works bud," Jimmy said patting Scott's back. Scott assumed he missed his eyes.

"We're not leaving until we're completely sure you're okay," fWhip added, and another hand was on Scott's back.

What was he..."Ugh... fine... I'm... I'm a vampire and I've been an idiot and... yeah... so can you leave me so I can have a nap and get some energy back..." he explained and tried to escape their hands. 

"So... is it fair to assume you haven't been eating well lately?" fWhip asked, his voice was shaking a bit. "And me cutting myself did not help?"

"We can say that... I'll be..."

"No you won't," Jimmy stopped him. "With all due respect, you look like shit. Can we help you in any way?"

Scott was about to protest when fWhip swatted his head. "He'll insist he's okay," he huffed. "Okay, Scott. Here's the thing, neither of us is freaked out, we kind of guessed it based on you having only wine and wine accessories in the kitchen and are not freaked out. And, I'm pretty sure you don't have to drain a person completely since there were no murders in the area far longer than a few days. Would it be rude if I say you can bite one of us so you're not obviously suffering?"

Scott froze. Was he actually... "You... mean it?" he asked, daring to sit up to look at them properly.

"Wouldn't be offering if we didn't," Jimmy grinned. "Red eyes look weird on you," he added, pulling fWhip into a hug. "So?"

The vampire took a deep breath which only made his head spin more... They were right, he did not need to drain anyone and was aware enough to not lose control... "If you're sure..." he nodded, slowly and cautiously. He never told anyone and... not quite sure what he expected but certainly not this.

"Oh, just come here you big idiot," fWhip grinned pulling him close. "It better not hurt too much..." he hummed leading Scott to his neck.

Scott rolled his eyes. As if he would ever try to hurt either of them. And bit him very gently. Much gentler than he usually would even when not borderline starved. fWhip tensing up had him worried but a hand in his hair did not let him pull back so he just relaxed and focused on not making it hurt any more than absolutely necessary.

"That didn't feel like much," fWhip hummed when Scott pulled back. He had to pat him to be allowed to stop. "And didn't hurt at all after the initial bite," he added while petting Scott's hair.

"I can't have you fainting on me," Scott sighed. He was still a bit hungry after that long of not feeding or sleeping but was feeling much better.

Jimmy of course saw right through him. "Move over," he told fWhip who gladly did and leaned against a wall, and turned to Scott, "Your eyes are still pinkish. How long did you starve yourself?"

"Not that long..."Scott shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant and not like he was excited. "I'm really fine now. We can go see the movie or something now..."

"No, bad Scott," Jimmy scolded him and swatted his nose. "We can stay in, the movie is not important. So stop being an idiot, and better tell us next time you get hungry, we really do not mind," Jimmy sighed while opening a couple of top buttons of his shirt. "Come on," he smiled and Scott sighed. 

Who was a bigger idiot? A vampire with a tendency to forget to eat or two morons living with him and offering to feed him? Well, that probably did not beat three idiots who started to date over said vampire's feeding issues.

[karla-the-elemental-dreamer]

Man I have been through so much in the etheric realms in the last few days [/nights]. Wasn't sure whether to share or not; but with 18-Volt all-of-a-sudden seeming to come back, and some nasty energetic truths about Jak's situation, I thought these insights were worth being put up. This stems from Jak missing for days or even weeks, and the episodes getting increasingly worse. They are divided into 2 parts: Part 1 is the conversation that 18-Volt had with me, in which Terra monitored/supervised it at 18-Volt's request. Part 2 is where my teddy group (OCs) called a meeting, and Riku was kind enough to attend as well.

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PART 1: 18-VOLT'S CONVERSATION (+Terra)

18-Volt (ESFP): "Hey, so on my little scouting sesh, I found out a few things about Jak, and they're not good".

Me: "You're not undermining him, are you?"

18-Volt: "Naw; not at all. See I've become casual buddies with Terra and agreed to let him have me on a leash a bit; that's why he's watchin' me talk to you. How else am I supposed to come back and help if people don't trust me?".

Me: "So then you may have something valuable to offer me about Jak, especially since you were giving me a massive amount of downloads while I was washing stuff earlier today".

18-Volt: "Yeah... You see, Jak might actually be quite sick, and you chasing after him this time is unhealthy, because you're gonna get poisoned yourself".

Me: "I've actually felt that poisoning since yesterday. What's going on?".

18-Volt: "Choice point for timelines is almost up; and you're dead on about Jak taking the lower one".

Me: "Ah shoot".

18-Volt: "My advice? Tack on that 50k cash grab now and ONLY reverse it if he makes a strong comeback. Even a medium one ain't good enough. That ABTD needs to truly show that it's not gonna glitch ya again, otherwise what's the point?".

Me: "You have a point there. The ABTD only started taking me seriously after I tacked on the $45,000 one and gave it the option for reversals".

18-Volt: "Uh huh! But whatever you do, you can't descend in order to clean out messes anymore. Because you've got an energy that behaves like the Wario-bug, that's eating up all the lower timelines. And you don't wanna be in its way".

Me: "Dammit".

18-Volt: "Not all's lost yet, okay? You could have an 18-Volt 2.0 moment where Jak wakes up and rushes back to you. But you can't get your hands dirty anymore; he has to come to you. Just like I said, go slam dunk that cash grab [50k] and work with the fallout of that. But you need to stay on the upper rungs with Terra because that man really loves you to the moon and back".

Me: "Okay, so I've just now applied the $50,000 penalty, as well as an additional $15,000 due to the promise of lassoing the ABTD if two of Jak's friends weren't able to come with him. 50k for him, and 7.5k for them".

18-Volt: "See? You're a champ! You've got a lotta love for everyone you meet. But Jak's gotta see that AND put it into practice. Because at the moment, you're asking daddy [Jak] to go to your school concerts and visit your art fairs, but he couldn't give a shit and just stays home being all miserable, making his daughter cry because he doesn't want tah support her in anything".

Me: "You put it in a harsh, but clear and honest perspective".

18-Volt: "Because also think about it this way. Who's been doing most of your rescue aids? Every time Jak's in trouble, Kingdom Hearts always rushes to your side. But when it's been the opposite, Jak does the bare minimum, if anything. Don't 'cha see that he's the one not wanting to connect with other worlds? Don't let him short-change you anymore. You've gotta leave him be until he chooses to come back or gets the shock of his life. And I know what you're thinking. You were supposed to have three at a time protecting you. I don't wanna steal Jak's thunder, but I'll take up the third slot, and I'll gladly give it back to him if he shows up for it".

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PART 2: MEETING BETWEEN THE TEDDIES (+Riku)

The name 'The Mistress' is used quite a lot in this section, this is what the teddies always called me when I was little, and it's like saying The Princess.

Chloe-Nurse (?): "What's going on!? Why are we all meeting here?"

Selvian (INFJ): Sam saw something that no one has ever seen before".

Chloe-Nurse (?): "And?".

Selvian (INFJ): "She saw Jak crying in his room, which is something he hasn't even done since his father died. And... Uhh...".

Riku (DG - ISFP): "Looks like we're getting an energy interruption. Almost like someone doesn't want him on the higher timeline".

Nadia (ISTJ): "I question that 18-Volt guy ever since he's come back. Why does he have such an interest in Jak? I've heard not too good things about him [18V] in the past".

Riku (DG - ISFP): "With what Terra reported back, it seems like he just gets angry at anyone who tries to hurt Karla, and I've seen him do that before, with other people before, including myself actually. It seems the Warioware group already have knowledge on the situation as Jimmy T., Kat and Ana, and Ashley filled shortly the last time our abilities were compromised. So 18-Volt's just being a bit passionate in flipping his lid at Jak about the whole drama. But Dreamy WB [she] and myself are keeping a close eye on him".

Niki (ENFJ): "I actually think that if it wasn't for 18-Volt, Jak wouldn't even flinch at what's going on. Jak's crying because something must have hit a raw nerve, whether it's 18-Volt, or maybe he [Jak] saw the mistress striking down that $50,000 penalty today".

Mabo (INFP): "The ABTD's trying to stop her [me], but Jak is still seeking help in the background".

Riku (DG - ISFP): "Exactly".

Chloe-Fashion (?): "See? It's 18-Volt that's making Jak fight for his life [in a good way]. But how exactly is he [Jak] getting help?

Selvian (INFJ): "Jak has asked to see Josephine [INFJ] for regular counselling, and their first session I think was two days ago... Or was it yesterday?".

Chloe-Fashion (?): "She's [me] still poisoned though. How is it possible for the mistress to even get back to him, yet alone recover from this?".

Sabrina (ESTJ): "18-Volt actually said that it's still possible, but that it won't be easy".

Selvian (INFJ): "18-Volt's right. This is yet another battle, but this time with some bridges that must never be crossed; which is why the mistress must stay out of this. While Riku and Terra protect her, we need our strongest men and women in Haven City, which means Sabrina and I will be going for a few weeks obviously with Simona and Sam alone having no luck. Josephine takes over admin duties at home while Angela becomes the second tutor".

Samantha/Sam (INFP): "What about Kingdom Hearts?"

Selvian (INFJ): "Kingdom Hearts has shown that they can look after themselves, especially by Riku being here at this meeting. Sierra will stay behind with them, and work with Terra's girls, Nasha and Sibella. But Sabrina and I need to get to the bottom of this evil still lurking in Haven City, and we need to make sure Jak continues to see Joesphine on a regular basis until his problem is sorted out. It is likely that we won't be coming back without Jak".

Sam (INFP): "So you'll be stuck there forever?"

Nasha (ESFP): "What 'chu worrying about anyway, Samantha? You're one of Jak's original girls, so you can go there any time".

Riku (DG - ISFP): "I think she's more worried about Selv and Sabrina's safety and you guys getting to see each other again as a whole group".

Nasha (ESFP): "And why do you have to do this anyhow? Wasn't it over once the mistress shoved that 65 grand fine up the ABTD's ass?".

Selvian (INFJ): "She only did that as a last measure in-case the ABTD is stupid enough to never give him back. The $65,000 is a cap for if worldly events become too stressful and intense that she, or any of us, have no hope of getting him back. But until the very last day, we never ever give up. And until then, there is always a chance for the penalty to be reversed, whether partially or fully. Now no one tell her this, but we're gonna try as hard as we can to get him back for Christmas".

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I've never assigned or known the personality for any of the Chloe's.

For the nurse, I'm thinking ESTP. And for the fashion stylist, I'm thinking ENFP like Sierra.

[min-yunki-agustd]

Sope tries to go out on a date after work doesn't end soo well with namjoon being the driver. yoonngi pov

sickies: (main sickie)yoongi, hobi

caretaker: namjoon and hobi

TW: platonic, gay relationship, emeto, mentions of v****, nausea

migraines sympathy sickness. etc

Word Count:

___________________________________________________________

It started with namjoon offering hoseok and yoongi a ride home. Namjoon had just gotten his license and car a few days ago and wanted to show off his skills to the members each taking them few by few on a ride. It worked out pretty well so far. Jungkook got his ride, He drove him first since he'd be the least likely to be afraid to ride. Once Jungkook survived a ride namjoon convinced taehyung and Jimin to ride. There weren't any problems, motion sickness, accidents, or anything of the sort, which made it easy for sope to hope in since he'd already driven with others before. The If the member with the worse motion sickness rode and was fine why shouldn't he and hoseok be? Yoongi and hoseok stood side by side waiting for the ride from the hybe building. They both worked long hours and plan to have a date tonight. It was yoongi's plan. It had been a while since they were out and he wanted to do something special with hosoek. They've both been too busy working on separate things. They stood outside in the rain waiting for their ride home so they could change and prepare for the date they planned. For some reason, hybe has been having a problem with their driving staff lately. This is the third time the two had called ahead for a ride and the showfer be late. As yoongi began to feel the water soak threw his clothes he began to wish that he had just driven today but neither himself nor hobi likes to deal with the traffic in the morning. Yoongi was starting to feel hoseok's previously warm hand grow cold and wet as they stood outside.

They didn't think the driver wouldn't take this long otherwise they wouldn't have decided to just wait in the rain. Now, it's too late to go back inside. The janitor has already arrived and begun vacuuming the floor. Hoseok rests his head on yoongi's shoulder. He's probably tired yoongi thought to himself. Aside from working on his songs yoongi knows hobi likes to dance until his legs give out. Standing must be torcher right now. yoongi feels terrible at the thought. He takes his free hand out of his pocket and holds his temple, trying to quiet the irritation in his cranium. He's had a migraine coming on all day but it's starting to get more challenging and hard to ignore. Yoongi was lost in thought again and hadn't noticed footsteps slap against the pavement. Coming from behind the two. He really hopes it's not staff. Even though All the staff had to sign a privacy agreement and he's worked with half the staff for years, you just never know who could be out to get you. Plus, He'd rather not have to explain hoseok and his relationship especially since most staff are quite older and might not approve of it. Yoongi's back began to get tense listening patiently and the footsteps get closer to his side. hobi must not hear them over the rain because he has yet to have moved his hand from yoongi's. The footsteps had finally arrived at his side. He felt a hand touch his shoulder. he looked up, it was namjoon. He signed in relief.

"Did you two have a showfer bring you hear this morning?" namjoon asked. his voice catches hoseok's attention. Hosoeko lifted his head and looked at him. "Yeah, but they're taking a long time.." yoongi says looking at his watch. "I can give you guys a ride home if you want?" "thanks, but we planned to go home drop off our stuff and go out tonight. yoongi says. " ohhhh, you guys are going on a date tonight, I can do that for you hyung, I got nothing better to do tonight "namjoon laughs a little. Yoongi looks back to hoseok half for approval, half just for any comment at all. hoesok was quiet but gave an approving look. Now yoongi knows for sure his hobi is tired, hobi is never quiet, he's usually loud and excited. Yoongi's sure he's still excited about the date but also just tired. yoons looks back to Namjoon. " ok joon, sure. " the three-headed to joons car. Yoongi called to cancel the showfer on the way to the parking lot. The ride shouldn't be bad yoongi thought as he and hoseok sat in the back of the vehicle not wanting to be apart. The other members rode. They lived. Yoongi trying hard to have a positive mindset but the truth is he's nervous to be riding while namjoon is driving. He hopes it doesn't make hobi feel sick or anything. After checking surely that their seatbelts were locked in place yoongi snuck a look at hobi. He seemed to be a bit nervous too. Yoongi took his hand and snaked it over to hoseoks thigh. giving it a squeeze for comfort and then connecting hands and then fingers. Yoongi caught hobi taking in a deep shaky breath. He really really hope hoseok wasn't working himself up already.

" everyone got their seat belts on? " namjoons says looking at the couple in his back seat. The two shook their heads. " all right then let me know if you need some more heating it's kinda cold out today. Nammjoon says as he begins to pull off. It was late in the afternoon so traffic was terrible. hopefully, namjoon could manage yoongi thoughts. The start of the ride wasn't bad at all, namjoon pulled out of the parking space smoothly and he got out of the lot smoothly as well. He even managed to find a good quick opening into the street. good so far. The first time wasn't a big deal at least not to yoongi. He thought joon is still learning and being a good driver takes time. Namjoon slammed on the brakes hard though he was nowhere near hitting another car. Yoongi's stomach and his head didn't really like that but he knew it was probably an accident and that namjooon was just trying to be safe. Giving a dizzying glance at hobi he wasn't looking too good after it either. The second time it happened yoongi had kinda expected him to slam on breaks because of someone pulling out in front of them. a good move for safety but less comfortable for the couple who are feeling sick in the back. " sorry bout that!" namjooon yells out to the two. despite looking a little ill hobi yelled back "it's ok joon your doing great." yoongi however this time had one comment his head was now in a full-blown migraine and he was trying to not let it show. The third time namjoon slammed on the brakes was a lot like the first kinda point less to stop so hard. only this time he stopped cause he almost missed the turn.

At this point, yoongi had to let go of hoseoks hand. He needed to settle his stomach a bit. His was kinda going haywire along with his head. Hoseok noticed his hyungs discomfort and began using the hand yoons let go of to rub the older back. Yoongi seemed to be having trouble keeping it together. He hadn't even noticed that the car was now at the apartment complex and parked. they sat there kinda still. Namjooon looked back at the two wondering why they hadn't gotten up yet. He saw yoongi's head was In his hands, then he looked at hoseok who seemed to be trying to soothe his boyfriend but also dealing with what seems to be carsick himself. hobi has the back of his hand to his mouth, a worried expression on his face looking at yoongi hyung and his other hand rubbing yoongi's back. Namjoon wondered why yoongi had gotten so quiet. When yoongi wasn't spinning at 100mph he sat up from his curled head in his hand's position. He put a hand to his stomach. he realized he need a bathroom pronto. he hopes out of the car and slammed the door shut. He put a hand to his mouth and practically ran to the fancy apartment complex. Hobi was right behind him. Before namjoon can even say a word. The two run inside. Yoongi was hoping he could make it to the bathroom in his room upstairs but seeing as his mouth begins to overflow with what tasted like his third cup of decayed coffee he also mapped out the closes public bathroom on the bottom floor. Yoongi's stomach is kinda weak but he's always been the one to have control over it. He choked out a few gags but managed to keep going. all the way to his room. waiting in the elevator had to have been the hardest. just standing there holding back everything was hard. Hoseook was by his side comforting him.

hoseok wasn't feeling great at all but he wasn't seconds from up-chucking like his hyung. A wave of dizziness caught him just as hoseok used his key to open the door. yoons felt like he was gonna lose his balance and fall to the floor. His eyes began to blur as the automatic lights flicked on killing his migraine. He almost lost it then and there, in fact, a sick dripped down his hand onto his shirt. hosoek helped steady him and got him to the guest bathroom, yoonngi really wanted to go up to his personal one but beggars can't be choosers. His wet hand latched onto the porcelain and he heaved loudly. He gagged and lurched his head into the toilet again, vomit splattered everywhere hitting his own face, the seat, and his tightly gripped hands. Hoseok had been patting his back and trying to comfort him, but after hearing so many deep retches and watching as the vomit splashed back, watching that reactivated his own nausea and he had to grab the little trash can under the sink and join him in his hyung vomiting session. Yoongi could hear his love losing his lunch behind him. They were setting each other off Round after round. When he finally got a chance to breathe a surge of negative thoughts plagued his mind. There they were, they could have been doing literally anything but this yoongi nose deep into the toilet, shivering from the extremely cold bathroom, cold white tiles touching his skin. Waiting patiently for the next round. They could have been relaxing together, or catching up with Namjoon or I don't know they could have been on the date yoongi planned for them?!! but instead, they sit in this putrid bathroom where yoongi can't hold his lunch and hoseok gets close to losing his. He knew he had to make the night better than this he had to turn it around somehow. Maybe if his stomach is calm enough he can clean off his face and hands and comfort his hobi.

Yoongi decided he was done no matter how much his stomach argued with that fact. Once he felt steady enough he rose from the ground and flushed the toilet. He limps over to the sink, his legs were half asleep from sitting on the floor for so long. He washed his hands of the putrid sick and his face. Feeling better already simply due to the fact that he was cleaner. Then he limped over to his boyfriend his legs beginning to wake up on the way. He squatted down and gave a comforting hug to hobi. Hobi felt yoongi's warmth cover his entire back like a warm loving blanket. Hoseok began to forget about his panicking stomach. Dissolving into yoongi's warmth. They stayed like that until hoseoks stomach completely calmed down. As soon as it did hoseok turned around and held the other. They sat on the floor in silence holding each other. The silence was eventually broken by a banging on the door. Ignoring it for a moment knowing it was probably namjoon He asked his hobi. "how is your stomach feeling?" yoongi says looking into the other's sleepy eyes. *hears banging again* " Much better" hoseok answers Sweetly smiling. " do you feel well enough to go on our date?" yoongi asked. " do you?" hobi replied back. " yes, yes I do" yoongi lied straight through his teeth but he refused to let this night end without the date. * banging and distant hyungs yelled out by joon could be heard in the background* " great, I do too" hobi answers with a smile. "Then it's settled," yoongi says getting up off the floor and heading to the door While hobi heads for the room upstairs to take a quick shower and grab something nicer to wear. Yoongi opened the door mid-knock. Namjoon still stood there with his arm up in a knocking position.

" hyung" namjoon says. "you guys ok? you two have taken a while." namjoon says concerned. " we were a little sick but we're ok now. Hoseok is getting ready for the date and I'm about to do the same." yoongi says calmly. yoongi moves to the side of the door frame to allow namjoon to enter the room. He sat and waited don't the couch. Yoongi was excited again the date was back on and his hobi was ok. he ran upstairs to go get ready. slowing down just at the top when his stomach felt a little angry from the movement. He entered the bathroom. hoseok was in the other part of the room taking a shower he turned off the lights and began brushing his teeth in the dark. He had to keep his migraine in place. if he could keep it in place then he could do the same for his stomach. After all, his migraine was what was making the ride much worse than it was anyways. He still felt a little dizzy from it even now. He was brushing his tongue when he accidentally made himself gag. Pulling his toothbrush out of his mouth he gagged wetly over the sink. A bit sick hitting the sink bottom. Hobi must have heard the gag because he yelled back from the shower. " are you, ok love?" " I'm fine just brushing my teeth. yoongi answers. hoping to not make hobi worry. His stomach was angrier but completely empty now. He cleaned the sick and rinsed his mouth.

---Timeskip ---

hobi and yoongi had finished geting ready for the date. Hobi was feeling good and from the way, yoongi was staring at him he must have been looking good too. namjoon gave the two a compliment on the way to the car. Happy to see that his members found love in each other. All the other members suspected they'd end up in a relationship. Joon even joked about it with Jungkook once. It was nice to see the two happy and in love. yoongi wishes he could feel the love that obviously infects this car but the most he feels is his stomach turning and shifting nervously about riding with namjoon again. this time though his migraine had only worsened he managed to survive the ride. it helped greatly that namjoon drove much smoother as well. He just had been nervous when he first drove them. They'd arrived at the restaurant. My stomachs are still intact. yoongi's head was pounding but absolutely nothing was going to stop him tonight. They were seated in a secluded area. The waiter brought over forks and knives and asked for a drink selection. If yoongi's head wasn't a mess he'd ask for a sojo but he was he no state for a buzz. The only buzz he was having tonight was the buzzing pain in his head. The two talked about their day over light candles. Hoseok takes about the new dance moves he's been learning and teaching. He discusses how the album is coming along explaining that it'll be out pretty soon.

The have a good time

yoongi gets worse

hobi takes care of him

hobi struggles again too help and namjoon steps in the hlp the two

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2022 Written last night…

I couldn’t even go 2 weeks before the anxiety returned. It returned on the 30th. It’s only been about 12 days. It was after I took an 88, the second one of the week. It will be interesting to see if I have the same problem on Friday when I take the third and last 88 of the week, and also if I’m better tomorrow with just a 75.

There I was stupidly thinking my body had gotten used to three times a week. Of course there are still other causes but this is just ridiculous. Just fucking ridiculous. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life suffering on and off from this shit. I’m just not. If death is the only way to end it in a few years, then so be it.

The annoying honker across the street is on his way out! The day before yesterday he was out all day and then honked in (twice) after 9. This morning he got the ugly black trailer he owns and stores somewhere and loaded the motorcycle into it. Then he was out all day again. I was hoping he’d hit the road later on, wanting to take off at night when there would be less traffic but our guess is that they’ll pull out early in the morning. So the end of the month really meant the end of the month. I was hoping he’d leave a few days early but I should have figured as much.

We bought another golf course. They have a few extra ones that don’t come free with the game. They’re $3 each. He bought one a week ago and I bought one tonight. His is called Sweettopia and has a lot of colorful cakes and candies. Mine has a garden theme and it’s pretty with butterflies fluttering about. We can invite each other to play the games but he can’t hunt for balls in courses I buy even though he can still see them. Same goes for me. I can’t gather balls from courses he’s purchased.

I lost to him earlier by just one stroke. That’s the closest I’ve ever come. I swear someday I really will beat him, LOL.

Written today…

We went to that ice cream shop. A young girl and guy were tending it, music blasting, of course. I swear they need to ban music from restaurants and stores! Sick of this shit everywhere we go. Even some doctors’ offices. Anyway, he got a cookies and cream milkshake and I got a caramel sundae.

Today is the exact opposite of yesterday. Where yesterday I was anxious, even after taking two CBD gummies, today I feel great. I don’t get it. I just don’t.

Having a thunderstorm which is always nice to listen to. I don’t think it would have woken me up if I were asleep. It’s audible, but nothing earth-shattering.

The trailer is still in the driveway across the street, but no truck. It left in the early afternoon. He and I disagree as to what’s going on. I’m starting to think they already left, but decided to leave their toys in the trailer since they couldn’t put the motorcycle and the golf cart in their lanai much less their house. The flag is down and their windows have been shut.

He says I’m a lunatic, LOL, and they’re just delayed because tornadoes are going through the southeast. Well, we’ll see if they come honking back in later on. Either way, I’m just glad to be rid of the motorcycle for a handful of months. One down, one to go. Now I just have to see if I can get enough sleep to survive the peak storm season here.

Another thing we disagree on is whether or not the guy in the UK should be penalized as he has been with over 100 hours of community service for a mean tweet about an old soldier that just died. He thinks he deserved what he got. I say that yes, it was mean, but it’s only words and if you don’t like it, don’t read it. Why do people torture themselves by following and reading people that offend them anyway? If you’re that sensitive, you shouldn’t be on the Internet. I’m just surprised the UK would do that. It’s definitely something the US would do, though, which is why I’ve been very careful with what I share publicly. Too many crazy lawmakers out there these days. There always have been, but it’s been getting worse.

TUESDAY, MARCH 29, 2022 My dentist appointment didn’t go so great today. I don’t have any cavities, but I need a crown. She said it will be more of a preventative measure and there was no hurry in getting it done and I can wait until my next cleaning if I want. She’ll give me the “good stuff” too. Lol, It’s fun to take that every now and then. The thing is that it’s the bottom back molar and it has a huge cavity in it that isn’t going to hold up forever. So that’s another $1200 going in my mouth. Fortunately, we have a huge line of credit.

I’m also getting a new Waterpik which was recommended. This one is cordless. It will help with my bridge, and besides, you can also get cavities under crowns which wouldn’t be good because then they have to remove and replace the crown. I wonder if I’ll have any of my own teeth left by the time I die.

Crystal wasn’t there and I had a different hygienist. Her name was Kristen. I liked her better than Ashley. Ashley was quicker but a bit rough and not as friendly.

Before we left, I gave Toni a package that Maurice accidentally gave us. The poor thing fell down the other day and tore a couple of ligaments. She’s going to be needing surgery soon. I feel bad for her and I also hope to hell that she doesn’t end up in assisted living. I would definitely worry about what may move in there if she left, and of course, having a wider driveway as she does would increase the chance of a motorcycle.

They’re going to be bringing in the homes in the new addition soon. Hopefully, we won’t hear much over here.

As we were leaving, we glanced at two topless guys out front chatting. I’m guessing it’s the guy across from Toni and then the guy who recently moved in next to him. Tom said, “What is it with guys and no shirts out here?”

Lol. It’s true that they definitely seem to go topless here more than they did in Cali. Tom thinks it’s weird, especially for older guys. It’s a weather thing.

Darren and Carrie look like they’re half gone. The carport and the side lanai look emptier, but the motorcycle is still there and the front lanai windows are open.

It was funny how Doc A’s nurse sent me a message saying that Doc A said it was time for my follow-up and am I still in California or have I moved? LOL. I forwarded a message to Doc A asking if there’s anything in particular I need to do to close my account, so to speak.

My nails are almost all cured. Getting very close now. I think I might use this lacquer on my toes as well since I have some infected toenails too.

Turning his bed sideways has given him more space and another place to VR. We both regret these mattresses, though. He wishes he’d gotten a Murphy bed, and I wish I’d gotten a waterbed. Anyway, there’s more space in the living room than in the kitchen for when we both want to golf together. I swear the only time I miss the old house is when it comes to VRing!

I spread a fleece blanket out on the living room floor so that when I’m working out I don’t have to stand so long on this rough carpet.

I ordered new deck shoes, so hopefully, that will be even better for working out, especially when I’m on the vibe platform. They’re light pink and white. I got the try-before-you-buy deal.

Lastly, I got a set of four square-foot diamond paintings. They each contain an identical tree with different colors. Plus, I got magnet frames to put them in that I’m looking forward to trying. Those would be the best deal if they’re any good. These are partial drills with a variety of sizes and shapes of diamonds. I want to put them on one of the kitchen walls that has been bare since I was taking my time trying to figure out what I want to put there.

MONDAY, MARCH 28, 2022 I just got my second $5 gift card from the survey site and I’m about to get my third. Definitely the best survey site I’ve ever dealt with. I also got a $10 Amazon card from Bing. I was surprised when I signed in this morning to find my points had nearly doubled. I forgot about those bonus points. However, Tom has been told he’s not eligible and he sent them a message about it. We’re wondering if it’s because we share the same IP address.

We put the white brick accent wall up in the small bedroom, and it looks surprisingly good. Makes me wish we’d skipped the too-thin pink wallpaper in the master bedroom and gotten pink brick. Or some other texture. It might even help muffle sound a little bit more because it’s thick.

Since this coarse carpet is the worst and really shredding my feet, we’re going to eventually get a square 8x8 rug for the living room. I spend so much time in the middle of the living room floor VRing that it would really be easier on my feet. I hate this damn carpet so much that I might even get a couple of long, thin rugs for the bedroom. One leading to the bathroom and the other leading to the closet.

It took me 13 days of riding, but I finally made it to Edgewater! It looks pretty similar to here. Just a little more populated. Got over 2200 bonus coins for it. It was quite a workout! Next, I’ll be doing the shorter trip to the beach we go to, and then I’ll get back to mixing my cross-country trip with various rides created by others.

We’ve also been playing this game that has daily brain exercises. The app is called Enhance.

We went to KFC earlier. The chicken was too crispy and the fries were too spicy.

SATURDAY, MARCH 26, 2022 “Before you leave a message after the beep, I didn’t sign up for disability. I’m too young for Social Security. And no, I’m not interested in student loans or any of the other scams you may be trying to pull. Have a great day.”

That’s the outgoing message I put on my voicemail, but sure enough, I got a message for a student loan I never applied for. Apparently, this is a popular scam going on.

For the second time, I put in for a $5 Amazon gift certificate from Branded Surveys.

Got a new car racing game that’s pretty realistic and fun. There’s only so long I can stand to play it, though, before I get bored.

I’m 65% through my trip to Edgewater.

After doing well for days, I felt a hint of anxiety floating up to just below the surface. In other words, I’m sure my good days are pretty much over and the anxiety will slowly be trickling back in. Hopefully, I won’t have to suffer a whole week or more this time.

No luck so far today with the weekend horseracing bets. I’m already getting the feeling that just like years ago, it’s going to be a bust.

FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 2022 Swapped audio clips with Jessie yesterday via texting. She won’t do it or give out personal info on Facebook, and I don’t blame her. I was surprised by how she sounded. She not only sounds a million years younger than her age but not quite exactly as I remember her to sound. She said an old coworker of hers used to tell her she had the voice of a sex phone operator. LOL, I can see that too.

We talked about things like the weather, the new windows she’ll have to get because of leaks, and how pissed off she was when some guy claimed to be joking after telling her and David that he’ll call David about countertops they might be interested in but not her. She said that men here will talk to David but not her and when she asks a question, they tend to answer through David and not directly to her.

Oh, the number of closet cases that are out there, even though, I haven’t noticed this personally. Maybe that’s because I have yet to talk to many people.

It rained on and off all day yesterday, but I only heard one clap of thunder. So much for thinking nobody would be out and about doing anything yesterday and it would be peaceful. That fucking cock across the street was out power washing next door’s driveway. That much was quiet. It was when he power-washed his damn truck that was annoying. I could hear it all throughout the house. He hosed out the garbage bins as well. I swear this cock can’t take a day off and just relax indoors. I hope he’s out of here soon and that there are no delays. I figure if worst comes to worst, he can’t be here past mid-April. The motorcycle is the worst thing, of course, but I’m also tired of the multiple honks a day. Every fucking time he comes and goes, moves the truck, or goes in it to get something, I have to know about it.

Galileo was nice enough to check in on me yesterday, even though it was an automated message. I let them know I was better.

I might have found a way to share certain posts with select people without them being notified. Instead of doing a post for a specific person, I just make it for friends except for so and so. That is until Facebook takes it upon itself to tell them, “JLS has shared a post with you except for all her other friends.”

THURSDAY, MARCH 24, 2022 This is the third day I’ve been calm and the second tired. I’ve got to increase my waiting time again. I’m going to suck up and savor every calm day I can get. I’ll never take those days for granted. It makes me all the more appreciative. I can count my list of gratitudes right along with my complaints. I’m so glad I’m not a girl in Pakistan forced to marry some sick pervert I can’t kill without getting killed myself, for example. I don’t have to worry about the Taliban cutting my thumb off just because I put nail polish on.

But women in the US are finding their reproductive parts more and more under lock and key. There are ways to get around the crazy laws, but it doesn’t make them any less sick, unfair, and infuriating. Idaho is the first state to copycat Texas with the six-week abortion limit only they say they’ll make exceptions for rape. That is only if the woman can prove it with a police report. So a rapist doesn’t have to prove himself to anybody, but a woman has to prove that she was raped. Pretty fucked up if you ask me, but to be honest, the more twisted laws I hear about coming into effect, the less they faze me. Just as long as they never touch me personally or my husband.

I’m so sick of TV sending a message to women that abortion is murder and never an option. Years ago, if a teenager got pregnant, she was forced to have an abortion. Now she’s called a murderer if she even thinks of having one. Funny too, considering the fact that work is being pushed more and more on women in this country as opposed to family.

I can’t take black cohosh every day or else it messes with my stomach. It’s kinda too bad too because it helps with hot flashes and it might also help with my moods.

I filled in Galileo and they said I don’t need a psych referral. That’s nice, but I’m still hesitant because I don’t see what they can do for me that no one else did for me in the past. The most they could do is give me lorazepam. I can’t tolerate anything else. No amount of breathing or thinking a certain way is going to stop it. The only thing I can do when I get anxious is suffer and wait it out. It sucks, but that’s my reality.

Darren is still here. He’s been trimming trees and washing and spraying his roof for mold. The motorcycle has been covered for a few days. If I had to guess, he’s a week away from leaving.

The guy across from Toni got new carpet. It sure went quickly compared to when we got carpet in NorCal since the houses here tend to be smaller.

It’s raining today, so I’m hearing that right now. I don’t know if it was the wind or what, but a few mornings ago it almost sounded like the old freeway. All the fucking motorcycles were making my head spin.

We went to Burger King yesterday and decided to take our food back home. Why eat there and listen to music we don’t want to listen to when we can eat with our shows at home?

I got my first payment from Branded Surveys and even Tom joined.

Tom found a site called Sidequest which has thousands and thousands of games. They’re not all free, but there’s so much to check out. I’m trying to get the hang of this car racing game I downloaded.

Also, I decided to bring the vibe platform back out and do VZfit on it. I missed the way the platform really worked my core and sucked in my gut, making my clothes fit better.

I had a dream that Tom found or bought this gadget that you shine on your body. If yellow spots appeared, that meant your cholesterol was high. His body showed no yellow spots, but I had several on my torso.

Then I had a dream we were living on the beach in a small two-story place. The place was close to others, but I didn’t seem bothered by it. Sick of cleaning the house, I decided to take a break and go for a swim. Only after I threw my swimsuit on and headed around the corner to this little strip of beach, I was horrified to find a giant Anaconda. It had to have been a few feet wide and hundreds of feet long.

MONDAY, MARCH 21, 2022 I don’t think I’m going to make it to the beach this time around because, by the time my schedule is suitable for it, we’re going to have a cool spell. Third week in March and I’m sitting here in a robe and slippers. Not exactly what I thought would be the case, even if it is noticeably warmer in general than NorCal.

So now I may as well get caught up on the writing that I was saving for the road. A few days ago we went to CVS and grabbed some white Merlot and a caramel Easter egg. You’re not supposed to drink with CBD gummies, so I decided I would hold off until the end of my day, which is when I usually have a glass of wine anyway if I’m going to have any at all, and make sure I’m not going to need a gummy earlier. I thought I was going to need one a while ago, but then I drafted my next message to Galileo and took a longer meditation break, and felt better.

Then a little later, we went to Walgreens. We hadn’t been there in a while. I got another caramel Easter egg and some Chardonnay with hints of vanilla by Barefoot that I’ve never had before. It’s dry and boring as fuck. I don’t taste any vanilla either.

Oh, I also got a cute pink beaded $0.99 bracelet when we were at CVS. Did a small Amazon order too. I’m getting another set of small colorful foam tiles for by the master bathroom toilet. These toilets may not be as high as our other ones, but I’m still short.

I also ordered some Calms Forte for my schedule experiment and a set of colorful hourglasses that are timed from 1 minute to 10 minutes. They’re not something I need, but I always thought they were cool-looking and fun to watch. Some of them may actually be good for when I’m doing my ab crunches. I tend to rush through my core work. This may help discipline me better.

Lastly, knowing how much I like having a ring on the back of the phone case that’s on my iPhone, I decided to get a case with a ring for the Samsung. It makes it easier to grip. That way my fingers also aren’t blocking speakers or microphones.

I got a $10 gift card from Facebook Viewpoints and I joined Branded Surveys as well. I hate it when they tell me I don’t qualify after I answered a bunch of questions. However, they seem to be legit and my points are slowly climbing. I just don’t bother to do too many, so I don’t end up wasting much time. I’m guaranteed 5 a day for doing their daily poll, yet I do get more than that. I have 171 points right now and when I get to 500 I can grab a $5 Amazon gift card.

Mia is now on level 80. Got over 172,000 XP.

Early yesterday morning we went to the little strip of beach that’s just a few minutes away. It was very chilly and windy, so we didn’t stay long. The point wasn’t to swim or sunbathe, but just to get out and into the fresh sea air. Sea and sun are like magic on my soul.

Darren power-washed his place, and I’m hoping it’s in preparation to get the hell out of here. I’m getting used to his presence and it’s nice that he doesn’t use the motorcycle daily and that the soundproofing material keeps it from waking me up if he uses it when I’m sleeping, but I still would like it better without him in the picture. Should be about a week now unless his plans have changed. The position of the motorcycle and the golf cart have changed. I don’t know if it means anything or not, though. I assume he’s going to get that trailer, hitch it to the truck, and load it up with his toys wherever they are.

Someone halfway down the street in front of us is also adding gravel to their place. They got those metal containers that hold the rocks.

I feel bad for the people on the other side of the park because they’re removing the fences that run along the back of their places. They want the old section and the new section to be one big old happy family. This would definitely piss me off as we would lose privacy in back. But those fences are no longer exterior fences. I hope to hell we’re out of here or long gone by the time they build up behind us.

SUNDAY, MARCH 20, 2022 I squatted when signing in and having my picture taken and made the boxer a lot shorter on Thrill of the Fight but didn’t notice any difference in his fighting ability. I won as usual, but he still managed to give me some pretty fierce punches along the way. Goes to show yet again that it’s all about temperament. There is a big difference between playing around and being in an adrenaline-fueled rage or having your life on the line. I doubt I could play box the cock across the street. But if he hurt Tom, burned our house down, or caused one of us to lose our freedom and thousands of dollars, I would definitely not want to be him.

Love the new necklaces and bracelets! They’re prettier and easier to open to place drops of oil onto the colored felt discs than I thought they’d be. I like how the necklaces are long enough that I can just slip them over my head. I also like how the bracelets are adjustable. I’ll have to make a list of which colors have which scents, so I don’t mix them up. So today, depending on energy levels, we’ll go out with my “peppermint” jewelry.

We may be going to a beach just a few minutes away. There’s no real beach or any place to do much swimming there but that’s not the point. The point is to get me out of the house and into the sunlight. I don’t know why it’s come to be, but nights are definitely not putting me in the best of moods. Besides the medication and the lady hormones, there definitely seems to be a connection.

I’m now getting up in the evening. I don’t like to go to the beach if I’ve woken up before about 3:00 AM because then I’m in for quite a long day. I expect my schedule to be there in a few days, so I’m going to stop writing so I save enough writing material for the drive. Without road material, it would be kind of boring just sitting there. We’ve decided it’s best to leave at about 9:00 and then head back home around lunchtime so that we beat the afternoon crowd. If we don’t go until I’m getting up at 3:00 or later, then I have a few hours to unwind at the end of the day and do other things.

Whoa! Big-time heavy rain coming down. Couldn’t hear my show very well over it. At the part where a boy throws himself out of his treehouse and breaks his arm. I could have really used a Dr. Charles way back when instead of a Donna A and her evil sister Margaret M along with Barbara D making me feel like a criminal and reminding me that what I did “caused nightmares” for the other students. Not that I may have been going through a nightmare of my own to cause me to jump in the first place, you know?

FRIDAY, MARCH 18, 2022 I may have some good news! I took my first CBD gummy earlier tonight when I felt the anxiety picking up and soon felt much better. So either something up there is just teasing me or I’m really onto something. The question is whether or not they’ll continue to have this calming effect on me. The problem with some medications/supplements is that they can lose their effectiveness in time.

OMG, though do they taste awful! I got the full spectrum cherry mango-flavored ones in 10-milligram doses. It didn’t make me tired at all but gave me a slightly dry mouth and a slight tingling/burning sensation in the side of my upper lip. It’s still way better than anxiety! I had a weird feeling in my mouth when I ate too, but nothing serious.

Last night ended up being pretty horrible with both anxiety and depression and I wish I had them then. I would have if FedEx didn’t have to go and fuck up the delivery.

I’m glad Tom remembered a GNC store nearby. That way, if these keep working, I can just go over there and get them. I just have to remember not to let my supply get too low in case they’re out of stock and I have to order online again.

Ordered some incense from Amazon. Chocolate, birthday cake, cinnamon, gingerbread, blueberry muffin, and sugar cookie.

Also ordered necklaces and bracelets for fragrance oils. They come with little felt pads that you put a drop or two of oil onto, and then you place it back in the necklace or bracelet.

Later…

I did OK after taking my first CBD gummy. Some moments I felt like the anxiety was lurking beneath the surface and was going to bubble back up but it didn’t. As horrible as they taste, it will be plenty worth it if they continue to be helpful. They have a very chemical and medicinal taste. I didn’t taste any of the cherry or the mango that was supposed to be in it. The only thing I didn’t like was the tingling/burning sensation in my left upper lip. I read that this is a side effect since they can’t get rid of 100% of the THC. From what I can tell though, it’s not dangerous. Just annoying.

Depending on how much of my problem is still hormonal, well, I did find an article that says that you can have symptoms 4-5 years beyond the point in which you become menopausal which is once you’ve gone a year without a bleeder. Sometimes the symptoms can carry on even longer. This is both encouraging and discouraging. If I knew that enough of this was due to the hormones, it’s encouraging in that it wouldn’t go on forever. But it’s also discouraging to know it could go on for years to come as if 8 years hasn’t been enough.

I decided that if being on nights really is part of the problem for some reason, then no more nights! Audiobook time starts somewhere between 9:00-10:00 PM and it’s lights out at 11 and then out of bed by 7 no matter how I feel. But then I realize that it’s a bit much for me to make a big jump like that so fast, so I’ll make similar increments as I am with my medication dose. First I’ll try to hold it for a few days, then do a roll. Then I’ll try to hold it for a little more than a few days and do another roll.

Ten more days with the honking motorcycle man! God, I hope his plans haven’t changed and that he’s not going to be delayed from going back, but I can’t see him here beyond mid-April if worse comes to worst. I forgot I can do a video playback, so I looked back to yesterday morning between the hours of 9-10 when I thought a loud motor might have woken me up if I wasn’t dreaming and I didn’t see any movement over there. So if what I heard was real, it wasn’t him.

In 2023, they’re going to do away with daylight savings altogether. It will be nice not having to deal with remembering to change clocks, even though the only two we change these days are the microwave and stove.

Had a dream suggesting I may die at 69 if I don’t kill myself before that. I’m not sure if “they” were talking about me specifically or those with high cholesterol, but it seemed like it had something to do with that.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16, 2022 I didn’t end up too bad last night. But since I took an 88 when I got up, I worry about later on tonight. The dumbshits at FedEx lost my CBD gummy package, so it’s been delayed a day or two. Hmm…makes me wonder if it could be evil divine intervention because they either work or maybe something is trying to tell me to just toughen up and learn to cope once and for all. I really think this is going to be for life. Yes, erratic dosing could very well be a factor. It’s hard to believe all the times my dose was changed and I got anxious was just a coincidence. But when I read back in my 2016 journal, I was discouraged. My anxiety returned after months of doing well with no skips and no dose changes. So I don’t doubt that there are other factors. This is what worries me the most. I’m likely never going to know what they are, much less how to get rid of them. Other than a few bursts here in there, my old self truly is gone for the most part. All I can do is just enjoy the good moments…until I’ve had enough.

Tom also realized there is a GNC store nearby, so we can go there if these work.

The March of Dimes made good on their word and sent me a set of beautiful glittery Color Street nail stickers. I was surprised. I didn’t think they would simply for signing up. I think they might have also said something about a T-shirt so we’ll see if I get it.

My nails are much better now. At first, I doubted that they would get much better than they initially did, but it’s a long, slow process. I think they can be cured after all. So glad I could do it with something topical!

Last night we had heavy rain with moderate thunder. We were supposed to get rain and thunder today, but neither happened so I got to sleep well. Jessie says the storms were fierce last night at her place and that she had heavy thunder over there today as well. But she can sleep at night all the time, so 90% of the time or more, she shouldn’t be woken up.

I created a few more VZ trips. One from our town to Edgewater. One from this exact address to Sand Key Beach. And then I decided to do a “vertical” cross-country trip to add to my horizontal one. So that one goes from Key West to Quebec. It’s just over 2000 miles, so it’s about 10,000 miles shorter than my other trip from Sacramento to Tampa. The trip to Edgewater is 140 miles, and the trip to the beach is 37 miles.

TUESDAY, MARCH 15, 2022 I’m now learning that storm season which is from May to October is actually hurricane season. Thunderstorm season is from now until October. So now I could be looking at being woken up more than half the year. I’m really afraid this is going to be worse than the traffic at the old place.

I’m pissed off because I not only had a bad night last night but my CBD gummies never arrived today. Oh well. They probably wouldn’t have worked anymore than anything else has. I wouldn’t have suffered all these years if there was anything out there that could work, would I? I’m not kidding when I say I feel totally hopeless. There’s no way to treat this thing let alone cure it.

Two more weeks with Darren and his honking and motorcycle although the motorcycle is nothing in comparison to the anxiety and the threat that the thunder poses to my sleep. I keep hoping it will thunder loudly while I’m awake so I can test some sound volumes but of course it won’t.

I had a dream I was sentenced to life in prison for threatening someone. I don’t know who it was I was supposed to have threatened or why, but I remembered the shock and despair I felt in the dream.

Then Maliheh was in a couple of dreams. One of them I don’t remember, but in the other one, she was doing something to my bad ear. Some kind of treatment. She even patted me on the back reassuringly.

Where I wonder if the prison life sentence dream was a sign that yes, my anxiety really is a life sentence, I wonder if the Maliheh dreams could be that she was thinking of me and that’s what triggered the dreams. Could she have been missing me? Could she have been regretting throwing away a friend she had a lot in common with? Well, it’s too late either way. I have no desire to chat with her much less flirt with her. I’m not the least bit interested in her, although oddly enough I don’t have any ill feelings toward her either. Yes, I was always curious as to why she ghosted me, but I’m pretty sure I know why she befriended and then dumped me.

MONDAY, MARCH 14, 2022 Signing in exhausted and feeling more hopeless than ever. It’s looking like the waiting time may not have affected whether or not I get anxious, but it definitely affects my energy levels. Definitely need to wait longer before I have my coffee. Especially with the storms trickling back in that I didn’t think would start until May. It’s mid-March, yet they’re already starting to slowly ramp up. I’m hoping I’ll be awake the next time we have loud thunder so I can test some volume levels of the nature sounds I play.

We’ve read some articles that suggest Doc A may have been right after all because of the type of magnesium I take. It’s more the type of magnesium in antacids that you have to wait 4 hours before eating or drinking. I’m waiting 4 hours either way.

Anyway, the anxiety was even worse after my third dose, so I contacted Galileo and said that I think that jumping from two 88s a week to every day is too much too fast in my case. They asked if I would be open to three times a week of the 88s and I said I would be. Meanwhile, they said they would check in with me in a week.

I also have CBD gummies that will be delivered tomorrow even though they will probably be a bust like everything else I’ve tried. They’re not supposed to make you high because they don’t have the THC in them but just hemp which is what marijuana is. They shouldn’t have any sedative effect on a person, but with me being me, you never know.

I’m now back to thinking, yes, I did get used to the daily 75s if Doc A was right about the magnesium. If it really is a matter of me having to ramp up doses really slowly then there may be a tiny spark of hope for me. I first thought that I only was able to get used to them because my thyroid died around that time, but when I checked my labs from October 2020, I found that my TSH was 13.60 and the following April, it was 12.09. Not much different than 14…unless. Unless there really is a fine line between points. If anything under 14 is my threshold for anxiety, then I could be doomed.

An article I came across suggests I might be as well if it turns out that I was misdiagnosed. Or at least not fully diagnosed. The article said that infections as a child can call for anxiety later on in life in adulthood. Well, the fact that I was hospitalized with pneumonia as a kid and have an elevated high white blood cell count most of the time makes me wonder. It’s supposed to attack healthy brain cells or something like that, and that’s what causes sporadic anxiety.

There’s still a big connection to the medication. All those times I had problems when ramping up my dose can’t be a coincidence. And now I see that the skips I used to make only made things worse because I wasn’t getting a consistent dose for my body to get used to.

I just know I’m done with this shit in 4 years or less. We either figure it out or it goes away before I’m 60 or else I’m gone. I am absolutely not going to let myself suffer from this for more than 4 more years.

Do I think there’s a chance of it ever going away? No, I don’t. Even if the medication issues are finally resolved, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other causes as well. I think I was forever changed as of 2014 and there’s no going back. I’m really starting to realize this now. There comes a point and time where we suddenly realized that, hey, this is the way it’s gonna be and there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it, no matter how much we try. One day I realized I would never be a singer. One day I realized I was not meant to be with a woman. One day I realized that whether I stopped wanting one or not, I would never have a child just as I always suspected. One day I realized he wasn’t ever going to change in bed. One day I realized I would never lose weight. Now I realize the anxiety is mine for life. Only it’s so debilitating and untreatable in my case that I’m not going to do it for another 20 years on top of the 8 I’ve already done it for. If it turns out I do have this condition, there are immunomodulatory drugs a person can take, but I know I wouldn’t be able to tolerate it.

SUNDAY, MARCH 13, 2022 Darren left on the motorcycle before I got up and came back quieter than I’ve ever heard him come back. It was weird. He swung around the block and then came up the street and into his driveway, never passing the house. I counted how long it took before he entered his driveway and turned the motorcycle off. Took about 12 seconds. He’s now the least of my concerns compared to the medication and the storm.

Also, believe it or not, it got into the 30s last night even though we’re well into March. It was nearly 40 degrees colder for the low than the night before. We had a huge wind, rain, and thunderstorm yesterday. Unfortunately, the thunder woke me up, so now I’m stressing about how I’m going to survive the storms here on top of the new medication.

Yesterday was my second dose. Toward the middle of my day, I started feeling anxious and felt that way for the rest of my day. I’ve only been up for about four hours and I’m already feeling it. I don’t know what to think anymore. Is it just the medication itself causing it? Could it be my hormones? Could it be something else entirely? I’ve got 4 more years to figure it out. I’m not kidding when I say that after a dozen years, I’ll have had enough. Hell, I had enough years ago!

We’re going to take measures to seal up the room better against the storms, but without having the many thousands of dollars for the proper stuff, I don’t know that we can make it good enough so that they don’t wake me up at least for the most part.

The nail lacquer seems to be dissolving my cuticles and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. They’re definitely improving, although they still have a ways to go.

We ran out to Publix yesterday. I was tired yesterday because of this thunder waking me up and I’m tired today because I just didn’t sleep well in general. Too much on my mind, I guess. I had a series of weird dreams too. I was contemplating whether or not to attack some guy who was being rude to us in a menacing way. Then I had my forearm amputated to just below my elbow. This was the weirdest dream I ever had because when I looked in the mirror, I could clearly see the amputation. Yet when I looked down and put my arms out in front of me, I could see both arms and hands in full.

Doc A shared another running victory. She seems to be really obsessed with it. She said it’s been hard between work, life, and injuries. I feel bad for her kids. They certainly can’t be getting the attention they need. But then that’s the problem with those with money. They simply hire a nanny so they can go on living. She hasn’t mentioned a nanny, but I don’t doubt she has one to cook, clean, and care for the kids. I just wonder if I’m ever going to hear from her.

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2022 Yes! My blood pressure is damn near perfect. Diastolic is perfect and systolic is close. I’ll take my blood pressure again at the end of the day when it’s supposed to go up and see how much it climbs. The new breathing exercise that Galileo has me doing is supposedly to also help with that.

Took my first dose of Tirosint. I’m guessing it’ll be a week or two before I have any problems if I’m going to.

Good news. It turns out that my friend list wasn’t actually exposed to the public, but the “view as” was broken. I suddenly had a hunch and had Andy check it out and he couldn’t see it. He could only see my followers, which I don’t give a shit about. I don’t even know most of them. What I do give a shit about is them announcing to those I share posts exclusively with or in a group. I never wanted them to know that. It’s been a wake-up call and a reminder that I really do have to be careful when it comes to Facebook. They don’t give a shit about their user’s privacy. Also, any comments I make on a public post are automatically flagged in friends’ newsfeeds, and well, I could go on and on about the privacy violations that go on there. I’m only posting private pics, most of which I’ll delete after I download them to my computer.

I still wonder to this day if the termites ever got my message and if they saw it if they did.

I had this bizarre dream about Toni. We were living attached to each other. We had connecting doors as some hotel rooms have. She often went out in the evenings and I felt compelled to rip her off. Just random little objects like a plate or a cup here and there. Eventually, I realized she contacted the authorities and they were closing in on me. I wondered how I could return the objects without getting caught. Then I realized the best I could do would be to just do nothing and hope I still didn’t get caught. Especially after I’d been milling around her place one night and suddenly realized it was after 10 and she would be back any second.

THURSDAY, MARCH 10, 2022 I slept like a log the night before last, but last night I didn’t sleep as well. Only 6 ½ hours. Anything less than about 7 ½ hours and I’m tired. I’ve still been able to function though.

I had a dream that I had a spot of lip cancer removed from my top lip and then a short while later I had a spot removed from my bottom lip. The doctor was an older guy in a wheelchair.

Then I got up, took my pill, and asked myself, “Did I just take Levothyroxine for the last time?” Well, we’ll see since the Tirosint starts tomorrow! I’m a little hopeful and a lot nervous.

It’s been stormy today, so it’s a nice change and it’s keeping them quiet across the street. They’re still coming and going, so there are still car doors slamming and honking, but I don’t have the motorcycle stress on me. Love that the countdown has now fallen into the teens. That is unless he leaves earlier or later. If not, then we’re about 19 days away from him leaving.

Last night I thought one of their dogs might have been barking even though they were home. I can’t swear it was one of their dogs, but I’m guessing they shut them in one of their lanais so they wouldn’t get in the way of whatever they were doing, and one of them wasn’t happy about it. Pretty fucking rude.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 9, 2022 In my early 2000s journals, I wrote about how he was trying to write a handicapping program that could predict winning horses. He came so close but then it was a heartbreaking letdown in the end.

But now it’s 2022. And now he has the three most important ingredients to finish what he started all those years ago. He has a great computer, a great connection, and plenty of time. He’s already been winning small amounts of money. If he could get consistent with winning $40 regularly and then increase the bet tenfold, we could be looking at a lot of money. Maybe not millions, but close to what he was making when he was working.

I want so badly to live close to the beach if not on it. Like within walking distance of it. If I could step out onto the beach every time I got anxious, it may help tremendously. I would still kill to have my parents’ old dock where I could sit out there at night and listen to the ocean waves crash against the walls of that little canal. Well, the more money the horses generated, the more options we would have. Plus, we could use a little more space. We’re not cramped in here like we were in Jesse’s trailer, but a little more space wouldn’t hurt. We don’t need a mansion (I would have to clean all that space), but it sure would be nice if those horses got us a bigger place someday. It’s always nice to have goals to aim for. Trying not to get my hopes up too high with that or the new med, but still…you can’t help but think about it and hope anyway.

Burger King was so good yesterday. So was the Hershey’s chocolate milkshake that I got for the first time. It had a hint of caramel in it that was so damn good. The only part of it that wasn’t good was the acid reflux I had afterward. Plus I had the runs today. I also had the runs yesterday before we left, but I don’t know what caused it then.

My new medication should be here tomorrow but I’ll probably start it the next day. I’m still hopeful but nervous about it and so glad he’s not working! I’d hate to have to be alone to deal with whatever may arise like back at the other place. It was traumatizing enough with people around, but to have to go through what I went through alone as I did was even more traumatizing.

Galileo gave me a link to a breathing video. It’s supposed to reset the nervous system. It’s called the 4-7-8 breathing technique. When the anxiety returns, I’ll try it. I just hope the medication helps! Because it doesn’t have fillers, it’s supposed to keep a more consistent level of the hormone in your body. Galileo and I agreed that we would see how the medication worked first. If it doesn’t help, I’ll try the CBD gummies. If not, I’ll ask for a psychiatrist referral. I really want to keep the shrink as a last resort.

I read the numbering wrong on the first anxiety test I did. I thought it was weird that it said my score was only a 4. After I re-did it, I found it was an 8.

They also shared an article on high cholesterol, which did say that I was right to question the effectiveness of statins. I guess there are certain things they don’t test for in the regular lipid testing they do. Basically, there are no guarantees, but treatment isn’t an option anyway when you’re too sensitive to the side effects. Weight loss is out of the question too, but as I told them, I have been exercising nearly every day. They also recommend the Mediterranean diet, which is supposed to be one of the healthiest in the world. I asked them just how often I can safely have fish. Fish is a big part of that diet and I do love fish. It’s my favorite meat which I could easily stand to eat every day. I just hesitate because I don’t know how safe it is.

OK, they just sent me a link to a list and I also did some research of my own as I learned you can’t take the word of just one doctor. You really have to do your own research. Doc A trying to tell me the medication can’t make me anxious and that it was OK to take magnesium before the four-hour waiting period is proof of that.

Speaking of Doc A, why is she ignoring me? She has never once commented or reacted to any of my posts. I just left a quick audio asking what was up with her and she listened to it but never responded.

So I got a list of different fish from highest mercury to lowest mercury. I have plenty of low-mercury options, fortunately.

I like adding the music option when doing VZfit in the daytime because it drowns out little sounds, keeps me from getting distracted as easily, and feels like I work a little harder. I move more consistently this way as I follow the beat.

I forgot to mention that on our way back, Tom suddenly exclaimed, “Look at that turtle!” But by the time I turned my head, we passed it. He said it was pretty big too, at least a foot. He did some research and I guess they do have some wild turtles here. Anything is better than skunks! Hated that smell with a passion, and I don’t miss it at all.

Once again, Facebook is pissing the shit out of me. I can see how frustrating it is for Andy because he has groups, and now Jessie’s so-called “silly paranoia” makes more sense. If you put it out there, Facebook will share it. First, they piss you off with all the stupid rules you supposedly violated. Then they go and they rearrange everything on you and you have to relearn how to use it and where everything is. Now they’ve gone and made my friend list public, and they’re also continuing to notify people when I share posts with either just them exclusively or a handful of people. I never wanted them to know that shit and I never wanted my friend list made public either. Apparently, Facebook’s goal is to get people to interact with each other. And they think that violating their privacy is going to accomplish that? If you can’t honor my wishes by respecting my privacy and allowing me to use the settings I choose, why would I want to use your site?

I wonder if they’ve ever made my phone number public without me knowing it, and that’s how it’s gotten into the hands of so many spammers and scammers who seem to know my name even though I haven’t had this number for very long. If they haven’t, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they share my number. The thing is I can’t remove it because I need it for verification and recovery purposes should I be hacked. I would definitely get rid of Facebook in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for the Oculus since all I need is Messenger. But Oculus is Facebook and I can’t use it without it.

Not only does the exposed friend list piss me off, but now Tom is exposed. They’ve gone and pointed out his account to Andy, who would definitely be nosy enough to check it out, and whoever else happens to spot it. Tom knows how to ignore people, and I’m pretty sure his account is set up not to accept message requests, but that’s not the point. The point is, why bother to give people the option of hiding it if they’re not going to let them?

I decided that there will be no more posting on Facebook. Again, I don’t need it. I can still comment and react to other people’s stuff, but I’m not posting anything of my own unless it’s private pictures that I want to download to my computer that I delete afterward. They’ve breached my privacy enough and I figure if I don’t put it out there, it can’t be shared.

I wish Shelly would share more of her life with me. I’ve tried reaching out to her more often, but she really is that much of a hermit. Facebook can’t respect anyone’s wishes, but I can respect hers even if I wish she was a little more sociable. She’s just such an interesting person. She’s unique in a lot of ways. At the same time, we seem to have a lot in common from our creative streaks to living a hermit-like existence, although she’s way more of a hermit than I am. There are times she doesn’t go out more than just a couple of times a month. She also doesn’t drive, and she is supported by her man, only they’re not married. I was shocked to learn that he’s 30 years older. He’s 69 and she’s about to turn 39. When she’s a widow when she’s around my age, I wonder what she’ll do then. How will she take care of herself and how will she get around?

TUESDAY, MARCH 8, 2022 Away we go to the beach! Damn, do I need this too. It’s been too long. An ambulance, cop car, and fire truck were at the house next to Toni again as we headed out.

I’m a little tired, but not too bad. Woke up having to pee and then had trouble falling back to sleep. Then I had to have a coughing fit.

Nervous about starting Tirosint and pissed that Doc A told me that it was OK to take Gennev before 4 hours. Galileo says it is very important to wait 4 hours due to magnesium salts absorbing thyroid hormone. I can now see why I was calm but also so exhausted for much of last year. It was never that I got used to the med after all. But if it’s the fillers and binders that’s been the problem - or part of it - can the magnesium also suck up the fillers and binders?

Galileo finally got my records from Doc A, but not from the ENT and Doc D yet. Sure enough, they saw my cholesterol tests and made a Lipidemia case. They asked if I’d be OK with going to the lab since I said I was changing my diet, but as I told them, I doubt that would do me much good since it hasn’t changed that much, and the numbers can’t be much different. I just can’t give up meat. There is cholesterol in almost everything anyway.

The anxiety assessment test was too generalized. “How many days were you anxious the last two weeks?” Well, that varies from week to week though I answered with “several.” We agreed I’d keep them posted and that they’d give me a shrink referral if need be. Although I don’t see what they could do for me at this point. Tom still thinks the anxiety will go away on its own someday. But when? Right now I still feel pretty hopeless and like I’m gonna struggle with it as long as I live.

I thanked Jessie for letting me pour all my health frustrations on her. “That’s what I’m here for,” she said. I could hug her for that!

Being 50 miles from Cape Canaveral, I was surprised Jessie could hear rocket launches, but she said it wasn’t that loud and only lasted for a few seconds. She said it’s a deep sound, but not loud.

I still chat on and off with Kim and Andy, of course. Connecticut Kim sent a message saying COVID is still in her house. Massachusetts Kim lost a neighbor she was close to. She was her healthcare proxy.

Andy admitted he’s always hated health talk because it upsets him. At this point, I don’t hold it against him. I know he can’t help what upsets him so I get it. There are subjects I definitely don’t like discussing like race and religion. He said one of his SILs is undergoing treatment for cancer and while he listens to her describe it, he doesn’t ask questions because it upsets him.

Gotta admit the guy’s kind of funny with his false facts. He admits that while Putin is an asshole and all that, he’s just defending his country.

But Ukraine doesn’t have any nuclear weapons.

He also says that Ukraine is really a dictatorship country and as soon as North Korea has the power to nuke us, they will. Oh, I don’t doubt that they would if they could, but China keeps them in line. They depend on China for things and China depends on the US.

I finally sent a message the other day to the punk who had the loud car at the old place, thanking him for the years of stress and wake-up calls. I also left a message on his mother Melody’s wall. She allows anyone to comment. Neither of them replied, but Melody deleted the comment.

Carolyn told me she ran into her in the store and learned that her husband had a stroke and can’t speak. I immediately felt bad and also thought of how Tom said he wouldn’t attack those that screwed me in the past if he knew he could get away with it because it wouldn’t unscrew me. Well, it would make me feel better when it comes to Tammy, Sarah, and the black bitch but certainly not Melody and her son. Definitely no sense in holding on to past shit like that. They just annoyed me. They didn’t cost me my freedom, a fortune, and a whole shitload of suffering.

Hard to believe Carolyn doesn’t know where they’re living these days, though. I mean, they’re still living right there, aren’t they? Joy’s got their back and where else would they go anyway? Unless they’re in assisted living, where could they go in that area that’s cheaper?

It bugged me how Carolyn said it was very quiet there. That’s great for her, but so typical. Just so fucking typical. But then it can’t be that quiet there, can it? They’re still going to have regular landscaping, planes, loud traffic close to the house, 4-hour trash pickups, projects galore, etc.

They studied the dying brain of an 87-year-old and found that our lives really do flash before us just as people have reported that temporarily died. Does this mean there really is an afterlife as well?

I don’t know why, since I haven’t gained weight, but my new bras are a bit tight so I got some bra extenders. I should have them soon. The side of my left tit has sore spots at times, so I’m guessing it’s from that. Maybe all the working out too. At least it can’t be cancer. Pretty sure early breast cancer doesn’t hurt. Plus I haven’t lost weight.

The beach was gorgeous! On our way back now. It’s good to get there around 9:00 and head back out at lunchtime when it starts getting crowded. It was partly cloudy and breezy too. No one was obnoxious and even the planes and helicopters were at a minimum. It was low tide and the waves were a little higher. It didn’t tickle my feet, though, to walk on the section that had a lot of shells.

The new beach bag was really helpful. Makes it much easier to sort, find and carry things. I always hide and lock my purse in the trunk, though.

This time we didn’t use sunscreen and I ended up getting quite a sunburn. It’s on my face, upper back, shoulders, arms, and chest. It just goes to show that sunscreen really works!

We charged the car while at the beach and now we’re heading for the fast charger at AAA where I almost got run over.

Galileo left another message while on the beach with another anxiety/depression assessment survey to fill out.

The spoof call block app I installed is totally worthless. One day I had 15 fucking calls, mostly in the state. No way to block unknowns either. You would think that they would have a much better way of dealing with this shit by now. One that’s simple to use and free of charge.

I signed up for Facebook Viewpoints where I can earn points for doing tasks like surveys. It was great till I stopped getting tasks. I’ll have to contact them and see if I can find out why.

Went to CVS a few days ago and to Home Depot for grass seed.

Got a new dusting kit I really like that should save us money by eliminating the need for pricey Swiffers.

Hooked up to the charger now and once we top off the car, it’s off to Burger King. He just got a notice saying that my dermatologist retired. Great. Now I gotta go someplace else for my follow-up.

The rude ass across the street took the motorcycle out a few days ago but now has overnight guests once again, keeping him off the damn thing. There are at least two adults visiting and one child. This is the third time he’s had overnight visitors like this. I don’t think I’ve ever had any neighbors in the past who had overnight guests three times in less than a few months. I swear it’s like mainstream people trying to live a mainstream life in an adult community.

This time a blonde woman with a little girl showed up. A skinny, dark-haired girl has also been with them for a few days but has no vehicle of her own. Tom saw her walking one of the dogs while Carrie walked the other. Looks like she knows the blonde visitor because of the way they hugged each other when she arrived. I saw her in the driveway the other day and thought it was Carrie at first and how she must have lost weight rather quickly.

Three more weeks or less and they should be gone. Yes! If they don’t come down till November rather than October, we’ll have 7 months without them.

Someone was using a reciprocating saw yesterday past Toni’s place. It wasn’t too annoying, though. Not like when Bob used his circular saw, and then the guy across the street.

Had these weird senseless dreams. It was a series of strange scenes. First I was walking on a small frozen pond. The ice had peaks and valleys and wasn’t flat. A split second later it wasn’t frozen and I was swimming in it but it wasn’t cold. It was pretty comfy.

Then a few guys headed my way and I decided to leave, not feeling comfortable with them. Next, I was sitting in a chair somewhere waiting for Tom when I realized I was horny. I pulled a pair of silk panties from a box, slipped them on, and proceeded to do myself. Suddenly, I realized people were milling about and I didn’t have the privacy I thought I had, so I closed my legs and that was that LOL.

I also dreamed we were looking to move and some people that came to look at the place took us for thousands. I don’t know how they managed to do that since they were the ones that were supposed to be paying us, but still. So I looked at Tom and said, “Are we looking at being stuck in an apartment?”

He kind of had a dubious expression on his face to suggest we might be, and I said, “Oh no, I refuse to do the apartment scene again!”

SUNDAY, MARCH 6, 2022 I have some exciting news! So much so that it’s like my brain “blew up” with shock when I read the message from Galileo because I was just so stunned. My brain buzzed with excitement, hope, and caution. They consulted with their thyroid experts and recommended I try Tirosint. This still has the same active ingredient of T4, but without as many of the binders and fillers as Levothyroxine. It also helps you absorb it easier so your levels don’t fluctuate, which may explain why my anxiety comes and goes.

Because it’s not a generic brand, we may have to pay for it and I guess we have to order it through the mail from a pharmacy in Mississippi since Walgreens doesn’t stock it. I’ll do ANYTHING to get back to my old self and get rid of this horrible feeling! I’ve always known this wasn’t normal for me, and I’ve always suspected the medication. But I’m so afraid to get my hopes up as excited as I am after so many things have been a bust. I’m so sensitive to medication and always have a problem so I’m trying not to be too hopeful. Even so, it’s kind of hard not getting a bit excited with hopes of it ending this shit.

Galileo said to call them and see if they carry the 88 micrograms they recommend I start with. If they do, they’ll write me a prescription for it. But it’s Sunday, so probably going to have to wait till tomorrow.

I wonder why I haven’t heard of this stuff before. Why didn’t Doc O or anyone else bring it up? Is it something new? We never even came across it in our research. The only alternative to Levothyroxine that I knew about was Armor.

Here’s some potentially good news I just found. Why did I do so well over the summer? I asked myself. Well, more investigation suggests that because I was taking Gennev when it was time to have my coffee, I really did block the absorption of the poison. That would explain why I had so many months where I was exhausted but didn’t have anxiety. Also, certain types of iron and cholesterol meds can block the absorption of thyroid hormone. So it isn’t just calcium and vitamin C that can block the absorption and it was never that I got used to it, but that I wasn’t getting as much of the poison into my system. Again, I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up and I’m trying not to, but it’s starting to make a little sense. It could very well explain why I have some better times than others.

Also, a Japanese study suggests that chubby people live longer than skinny people. I was surprised because I can’t think of anyone really big that died in their 90s. But then the queen was big and she made it to 93 while the poodle wasn’t that big and only made it to 80.

Anyway, I have a lot more to write about, but I’m saving it for the road. The tentative plan is to go to the beach on Tuesday.

FRIDAY, MARCH 4, 2022 This is the second night in a row I’ve had to listen to them come slamming and honking back right as I was waking up as if something was holding them off until I got up. 25 more days or less with these all too noticeable people!

I’ve been reading around some more on the Russo-Ukraine war and I don’t know what to think. It depends on who’s credible. I get what Tom means about him not wanting to nuke a place he wants to take over, but crazy people have no logic. Crazy people do crazy things. Hitler led to the deaths of millions of people and I don’t see why he couldn’t as well. I still don’t see why no one’s killed him either.

Most people seem to believe we’re on the verge of World War three. I guess the concern is his using nuke plants as war targets which could make Europe unlivable. That’s the thing with crazy people. If they don’t get their way, they throw a temper tantrum and don’t care who gets hurt or even if they get hurt. He would be far from the first suicide murderer if that’s what it came down to. If Europe becomes unsafe, what does that mean? Do they all die or just have to move? If they move, where would they go? I have a feeling I can guess where many of them would end up. I wonder how this is going to affect us in the end.

I can’t see Europe or the US becoming unlivable in our lifetime, but again, maybe it’s because it’s just way too hard to imagine. Could the world as we know it really change that much? Well, I know I sure did in 2014. Myself as I knew it was gone. If this is the beginning of the end even for us, then I guess we don’t have to worry about growing older, me being anxious, or us acquiring any additional problems. At least we do have a way out if things ever got that bad for whatever reason.

THURSDAY, MARCH 3, 2022 When I saw the trunk of the visitor’s car open yesterday morning, I knew that was it and that they were leaving. I also knew that it would be right back to the motorcycle, but I didn’t know it would be in less than an hour. At least the fucker didn’t wake me up when it returned because I was out by then. I swear it’s either company or motorcycles and projects for this guy. I can’t wait for him to get the fuck out! Until then. I’m sure the motorcycle will be two or three times a week unless he starts another project or has company before he leaves. I’m hoping he’ll often spend the day out somewhere but wouldn’t be surprised if I heard more from over there until they leave.

I mentioned to Tom wanting to do something to get rid of the motorcycles, but understandably, his paranoid side kicked in. Almost anybody that complains in these places is going to get counter complaints. I get that. But either way, how could I have known that the freeloaders had a pig pal? How could I have known that Joy was friends with the Beckers, although it explained how they got away with their kids and grandkids living there for so long? You just can’t always know what kinds of connections people have. On top of that, people really can’t handle complaints. They want to make their jobs easier. And the way to do that is to counter-complain rather than deal with the complaint.

I think it’s always easier to say you’ll complain in a certain situation. But then when it comes down to it, if you’ve got a complex put on you by past experiences that came from speaking out, you just don’t in the end. You keep quiet and you take whatever and hope it doesn’t go on too long. That’s why I didn’t fight back against the termites. I wanted to, but it just wasn’t that easy even though we had her voice threatening me. I got screwed big time for complaining, and I remember that. I honestly don’t know what it would take to get me to speak up, but I hope I never have to find out because I have a feeling it would be quite a bit. That is definitely my weakness. I’ve always had a problem with taking responsibility for things that weren’t my fault, not fighting back, and being too forgiving. Now, saying I would punch someone who took swings at me is different because that’s a matter of instinct/reflexes/survival kicking in. So yeah, I would definitely fight back that way as I have in the past.

His fighting back against the unemployment decision and getting a lawyer took incredible guts. And the fact that he could pull it off without repercussions was even more amazing.

It wasn’t just being spited that got Tom paranoid, but the fact that they don’t add restrictions in this place but lift them. Even when they do change rules, that doesn’t mean existing things can’t remain. They changed the pet size to be smaller, but that doesn’t mean they can get rid of the German Shepherds and other oversized dogs.

I totally forgot about how they lift restrictions but don’t add any in these places until he reminded me about it. I think that’s why these kinds of places are going downhill and aren’t what they were in the past. It’s sad too because it defeats the whole purpose of having these places. In another 10 or 20 years, I wonder if they’re going to be worth it at all. If they keep adding the same shit that’s out there, then what’s the point of being in here? You might as well bring in the kids next. And why not college animals and freeloaders? If by some miracle we resolve my anxiety issues and we ever have the money to move, maybe then we’ll be in a motorcycleless park…until they lift the restrictions there as well.

I slept OK, but I could have sworn a jolt of some kind woke me up.

Galileo says they don’t prescribe controlled substances and they’re consulting their thyroid experts and will get back to me in a few days. I still hold out little hope that this problem will ever be resolved. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to prove without a reasonable doubt exactly what it is, much less what to do about it.

Although…maybe it is just a matter of getting used to the dose increase. It took three weeks to get used to adding one 88 a week. I’m already starting to feel better after completing two weeks of two 88s. Well, when my old doctor started me on three 88s a week, I didn’t get past 10 days before I gave up on that. I started to ask myself then why didn’t I get used to the 75s as long as I was on them? Maybe because of the erratic doses and the way I was skipping? Could I possibly be starting to feel better now because I cut my waiting time down or because I’m getting used to the two 88s?

Eh, getting normal numbers without anxiety is no doubt just a pipe dream. Some things just aren’t meant to be.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2, 2022 I love how Putin is complaining about Ukrainian resistance. Uhm, what did he expect? Like the freeloaders complaining about my reaction to their shit! You’re as naïve and as dumb as they come if you think you can harass and bully people that haven’t done a damn thing to provoke you and not get a reaction of some kind. What baffles me more is why no one’s taking care of Putin. If a tiger escapes from a zoo and starts running wild it is seen as the dangerous predator that it is and taken care of. I get that isn’t just him that’s unhinged, but also those who serve him. Still, you should start with the queen bee. Kill the queen and you help kill the drones.

Galileo replied saying that it’s hard to know if it’s really the medication causing the anxiety or the fact that my TSH is high. Low thyroid can also cause moodiness, but then I wonder why I wasn’t like this when I was first diagnosed in the 30s. Tom thinks it’s because I was younger then and only on the verge of perimenopause. Also, why wasn’t I anxious when my TSH was in the teens? Is it something that comes and goes but isn’t guaranteed to be a regular thing with low thyroid?

So before I go back to all 75s and see if I feel better, I decided to ask if they think I should make one last-ditch effort to get my body used to the medication by adding lorazepam when I feel anxious. I also asked their opinion on tryptophan and other OTC remedies. Lorazepam makes me drowsy, but it’s one of the very few medications I can tolerate the side effects. More than likely I will have to drop back to nothing but 75s and just take the hypo symptoms. Oh, and of course I wonder if something up there wants me not to treat my conditions and why. It’s obvious that something wants me to suffer if there’s anything up there. Those that say God helps those who help themselves are full of shit. If I haven’t been trying to help myself for the last eight years, then what would you call it? What have I been doing if not trying to help myself?

I am beyond sick of this shit! To say I’m sick of it is the understatement of the century. Finally, I turned to Tom and I said, “You know what? I’m giving it till I’m 60. If I’m still dealing with this shit on and off then, I’m going to end my suffering there. That will make a dozen years of this shit and that’s more than enough. I know I couldn’t always tolerate 75s, but still, I have absolutely no reason to think I’ll ever beat this thing. Myself as I used to know it is never coming back.”

Seriously, I’m so out of here at that point with or without his support, and of course he isn’t gonna support me killing myself. I’ve already given it more than enough chance to work itself out, though, and it’s not. Some things really aren’t meant to be. A dozen years of suffering will be more than enough.

Dixie died last night, and I mentioned that to Andy and how she was an old neighbor and kind of a friend and all that, and that I was still dealing with health issues, and Andy being typical Andy didn’t reply at all, even though he was online at the time. I’ve really got to stop sharing health issues with him. Remember, this is the guy who once called me a liar about my sleep disorder. He’s always been very selfish and insensitive. Unless I was literally dying right there on the spot, he’ll just ignore anything I say or change the subject. Such a caring, compassionate friend, ain’t he?

I should stop sharing some things with Jessie as well because even though she and I agree that’s what friends are for, and even if they say to let them know anything anytime, it’s not that easy because you don’t want to bring them down or worry them or burden them in any way. People like to hear good things.

So Dixie is a bit of a sad case, but not surprising. She was out of it in the end and selfish in her own way, but it’s still sad. I wonder how Diane is feeling.

The AC was inspected today and they didn’t wake me up. I asked Tom if they were noisy and they said they were kind of.

They passed a law in this county against those handing out money on the streets to peddlers. If caught, they get in trouble for it and so do the beggars. Tom is all for it because it pisses him off when he’s made to miss a light because the car in front of him is giving the beggar money. We get that anyone can become a victim of circumstances and hit rough times, but the streets aren’t the place to do your begging.

I was going to get a latch hook-making kit since it’s been so long since I’ve done that but decided to put it off for now. Instead, I’m contemplating getting a dusting kit. I hate dusting so much that I’m always looking for an easier way. Sticking with the magnetic duster means I can’t get into tight spaces but it would really be nice to eliminate the Swiffers because they are more expensive. I’ll go see if that skinnier microfiber wand we recently got can get in tight spaces. That has an extender so if it is usable, I can use it for high and tight places and the magnetic duster on the rest of the place.

The VR photo-sharing thing is working again. I think the last time I just didn’t give it time to sync to the phone. What will be interesting to see is if all the photos show up when I take dozens of them.

He’s been betting on the horses and they’ve been making a little money. About $40 a week. If he could keep doing that, that adds an additional couple of grand to our income.

A motorcycle came in around midnight, and from what I saw, it might have headed in the opposite direction, just past Toni. Maybe at the house that recently sold. It wouldn’t have woken me up. It probably would have at the old place, but not here. That shit still doesn’t belong in these places.

Darren is still behaving thanks to his out-of-state company. His truck wasn’t there all day, but there was a red SUV in addition to the red car that Tom said was there all day. It was gone when he got back. I heard him slam and honk in shortly after I got up at 7. I would really appreciate it if my neighbors didn’t “tell” me when they get home. As with the freeloaders’ music, dogs, and kids…I don’t care. I don’t wanna know about it or hear it. It’s none of my business and they shouldn’t make it my business. Either way, I love how my countdown to his departure has fallen into the 20s.

TUESDAY, MARCH 1, 2022 My anxiety was better last night than the day before, but I’m still having some. January and February were my worst months since being in Florida. So I’m not exactly starting off the new year on a great note. Finally decided to let Galileo know that my anxiety has increased. It definitely seems to be all about how much of the levothyroxine is in my system. I may have to go back to nothing but 75s, even if it means being hypo. I think there’s only so much of the drug I can get used to. None of the tools and tricks I have are helping (magnesium, meditation, etc). I have tried everything recommended to me and everything I could think of on my own and nothing helps which is leaving me feeling pretty hopeless as to ever being able to get my numbers normal without anxiety. I worry that the anxiety is going to persist as long as I keep raising the level of the drug in my system. I’m back to waiting for only a half-hour a day, but I think that a higher dose at just a half-hour is going to have the same effect as a lower dose and waiting an hour. Once it gets to a certain level in my bloodstream, I get anxious. In January, I had something like 6 anxious days. In February, I had 8-9. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Do I keep plugging along and hoping for the best or do I go back to all 75s? No, I don’t like feeling hypo, but I would rather that than anxiety. Really wish there was a way to tell how much of my hormones could have a part in this but I still believe it’s mostly the medication as much as I wish it wasn’t. I’m on nights now, I told them, but please send any suggestions they may have when they get a chance.

I swear it’s like something doesn’t want me treating my cholesterol and it only wants me partially treating my thyroid! If this is true, then why? Seriously, if it’s not happenstance, then why? Why? Why? Why?

I got up at 4:40 PM but was still tired, so I went back to sleep until 7. Tom said they were out all day across the street. Darren, Carrie, and their guests didn’t return until 10. I’m just glad the guests are still there. They’re keeping him off of the motorcycle. We’re going to have a few days down in the 70s and if they weren’t here, he would likely take it out, especially if he doesn’t like riding in the 80s.

They’re coming to inspect the AC tomorrow, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I got woken up.

I’m now 10% through my trip and have gone nearly 300 miles.

I made egg muffins for the first time, but they were a little dry and slightly overcooked. I’ll tweak the recipe and time in the future.

I had a bad dream and a good dream. The bad one was Tom suffering serious side effects due to some medication. Why am I having these shitty dreams about him all of a sudden?

The good dream was that I was walking somewhere, although I don’t know who I was with. It didn’t seem like Tom. I came across a cute little puppy that was determined to follow me. Even though I knew I shouldn’t and that it was stealing since it belonged to someone else, I took the puppy home with me. The person I was with didn’t seem too happy about it either, but I just had to have this puppy. When I got home and placed it on a bed so I could go fetch it food and water since I believed it was thirsty and hungry, I suddenly remembered that we had pet rats and a cat, and I didn’t want them to mess with the puppy when they were out and about. Then the dream suddenly ended, and I don’t know what I ended up doing.

[echantedtoon]

Kiddo Week Day 1 Prelude/Crash

(Hat Kid's journal entries before, during, and after landing on the planet explaining my headcannon backstory for her. Warning: Character death implied.)

"Day 1...

Hello new journal! I'm not sure what else to write in this since this is my first time writing in this. Mother's bookstore friend gave it to me while I'm staying with her to pass the time away while Mother's being taken care of at the weird white building. She says I shouldn't worry as the Doctor's making sure everything goes alright. I hope Mother returns soon, I don't really like all the green looking veggies Mother's friend makes me eat. But the doctor said she's sick so it'll take a while for her to get better."

'Day 2...

Every day is so boooooring! There's nothing to do around Mother's bookstore! She's had it forever and always works here with her friends. Mother's friend suggested I read a whole bunch of picture books but all of them are boring too! It's a lot more fun swinging on the chandeliers with the umbrella Grandpa Tim made me but Mother's friend only scolded me and took it so 'I wouldn't break anything'! This stinks worse than the green veggies!!"

"Day 3...

Today I found the old Blueprints I made with Grandpa Tim a loooong time ago! He said he would make me a spaceship just for me and one day I could go traveling the solar system like he did! I miss him he was really cool! He ran this BIG company and everyone called him the 'CEO of Time' or 'Third Eye' because of his extra eye. Some kids think he's weird but he's really smart and cool! Mother and him don't get along too much. They had a big fight when he said when his time went it would be my time to handle our family's treasured 'pieces'. This part is in qoutes because he made it sound like that. Mother made me leave when they argue but since I'm sneaky I listened anyways. She doesn't want me to travel space or take over Grandpa Tim's 'treasure pieces' and said I should have a normal life like she chose too. Which isn't fair and BBBBBOOOOORRRRING!! I don't wanna become a cranky old librarian. Traveling through space with treasure sounds much more exciting....I wonder if I can find where he hid the treasure if I follow the map on the back of the blueprints?? I haven't seen Grandpa Tim in a long time. One day Mother had her friend 'babysit' while she went out to see him in a weird black dress. (I can take care of myself!) She says she'll tell me when 'I'm Older'. What does that even mean? Anyways, I'll hide the map for now. I finally have an adventure! But first I have to get my umbrella back from the 'your grounded' area."

"Day 4...

I know this says 'Day 4' but I really haven't been writing in this journal too often. Too busy planning on busting out and seeing where this mysterious map leads too, and waiting for Mother to come back to get me. Which is why I'm writing now. Mother's Friend said that I'm going to be staying with her for a while now. Is Mother missing? I asked but she told me she'd tell me 'When I'm Older.' What is with THAT?! Also something weirder happened. These weird guys from Grandpa Tim's old company came to Mother's Bookstore to talk to me. They were looking for something Grandpa had called 'time pieces'. The heck was that? I don't know but something is telling me to follow that map soon. I've located where my umbrella and hat are. It's only a matter of time before I go see what's at the end of the map. I can't take any more broccoli."

"Day 5...

It's been almost three days since I snuck out. My umbrella and hat were easy to get since Mother's friend hit them on top of the fridge. As if that'll stop me! And I finally found out where the map leads! MY SHIP!! At first I thought it was just gonna be some dumb boring old stuff like checkers or something. But the map lead me to this old shed looking place outside town and there it was inside! As I'm writing this I'm inside the ship's control room. And I think I found out what these 'time piece' things are. There was this BIG vault and I was sure the treasure would be in there and these was hundreds of these shiny hourglasses inside. It must've been the 'treasure' Grandpa Tim always told me about. But why did he put them inside my ship?? Was he trying to give them to me without Mother knowing?? I found out they are called time pieces because that's what the computer calls them so it must be true! And that means the pretty things are mine!...But they're kinda weird too?? But in a familiar way?? When I held one it was like holding a piece of me...If that makes sense. I can't write it down because I don't like writing a lot, and because it's hard to describe. But I just...KNOW they're meant to be mine. Like they're connected to me somehow. Anyways, there's a whole lot of buttons on the control panel. I wonder what would happen if I press the launch button?"

"Day 6..

I think I messed up...I ended up pressing the button ON ACCIDENT and suddenly the entire ship launched into space. And...I think I'm lost. I fell asleep when the ship shook really badly and now I'm awake. And now I can't figure out where I am.....BUT THIS IS ALSO GREAT!! I'M FINALLY ON AN ADVENTURE LIKE I WANTED!! SPACE IS SO PRETTY!!....But I think I better go home first and tell Mother. If I don't she's going to worry when I'm gone, and I don't like it when she's upset. I found a Guide Manual so maybe this'll help me. I really don't like reading, but I think I don't have any other choice."

"Day 7...

That was easier than I expected! Grandpa Tim must've made this computer operating thing easy for me! I'll thank him when I get back too! According to my computer it's gonna take a long time to get back. In the mean time I'm gonna start exploring the ship! There's so many rooms and stuff to see! Did Grandpa Tim leave all this stuff for me??? Oh well. It's mine now."

"Day 8???

It's been really nice! I put question marks because I don't know how many days I've been gone now, but my computer says I'm almost half way there so it's ok! I made a pillow fort in the giant pillow mountain to hide in. And I looked more at those shiny time pieces, but something weird happened. I accidentally broke it but it was NOT my fault! How was I supposed to know it was breakable?! ...But I know how to fix them and use them too. It's funny because I've only had them for a little while but it feels like they've always been a part of my life and I know exactly how to use them! Crazy right? I must be a magic genius or something. There's also this nagging feeling telling me things. I think Mother said it's called your conscious when it tells you something's bad or good? Or maybe it's my gut feelings? I don't know, but it says I need to keep these things safe now. Which I'm gonna do anyways because these are MINE now after all."

"Day 8.5???

I found a weird robot building kit in the attic and decided to build him. It's gonna be cool having a cool robot pet! I think I'll call him Rumbi. The picture of him on the box is cute. I wonder if he'll be just as cute after I build him?"

"Day 9???

Well this is just great! I get half way there and now Im stuck on a random planet because some dumb guy broke my ship's door! And now all my time pieces are gone! I need them to magically?? power my ship or else I'll never get home! ...But I've never been on another planet before. This might be fun to explore! I'm gonna use another journal I found to write about what I find. Why? Because I can!"

"Day 10???

I met someone while in Mafia Town again! And not like that double crosser Mustache Girl. Her name's Bow and she's really fun to hang out with! She was being held hostage by these dumb Mafia so I beat them away with my umbrella! I think she's the only person I've met so far who hasn't double crossed me yet. She says she's from somewhere called Nyakuza Metro?? Sounds fancy. Anyways, I don't think she has anyone here to help her. In that case she can come with me and I'll keep her safe. I think I saw an extra umbrella in my spaceship too. I can show her how to use it!....This might be the first friend I ever had!"

"Day 11???

Bow gets along great with Mr. Grooves. I think he's really nice too! She's almost as good as I am when I use my umbrella. She told me more about her old home. She ran away too to find adventure but she used to love in something called an "Orphaned Kitten Home"?? I guess that means she doesn't have any Mother or Grandpa Tim of her own, but that's ok! She's my friend now so she can have my Mother and Grandpa Tim as well. I'm sure they won't mind!"

"Day 12???

Today we met some weird people. Really nice but really weird. That bell took us to some real weird place filled with ghosts and we met a new friend! His name's Timmy! And he can do magic like some wizard! And there was this witch! A REAL WITCH! ...But she didn't have green skin or black cats. What gives? Maybe witches are different on this planet. There was a time piece here too, a ghost gave it too us! He looked really scary but he was a lot nicer than that Jerk Snatcher. The Witch even teleported us back to the mountains. She's the nicest witch I ever met."

"Day 13???

I know it was a long time since I wrote something but I finally did it! All the time pieces are recovered and my ship's at full power! I can finally go home! And Bow's excited too! It's gonna be cool to have someone to hang out with! ....But it's gonna be sad to not see anyone again. I tried taking off but the emergency break stopped us because something was outside the ship causing a disturbance. And everyone was hanging on asking me to stay...I didn't want to do it, but I pushed them off. I'm sure they're ok...But I gotta go home. Mother and Grandpa Tim are waiting for me. And I promised Bow she could meet them! We're almost there anyways! Maybe one day Ill come back and see everyone again."

"Day Unknown???

I don't know what to do anymore. Something really bad happened when we got home. I should've been happy but I wasn't I was...Scared. I didn't know why until we tried landing. Something was telling me not to land but I did anyways. I should've listened to my gut. Someone tried to get into my ship! There was guys from Grandpa Tim's old time company and demanding I hand over the time pieces! NO WAY!! Not after I worked so hard to get them back! It was like Mustache Girl all over again but more scarier. Bow was scared too. I ended up pressing the launch button again and knocking them off the ship. I don't know what to do now or where to go, but my gut is telling me to stay away from the planet. I guess I don't have a home there anymore...And I have a feeling Grandpa Tim and Mother are gone too. At least I have Bow and my trusty ship and Rumbi! And the time pieces are all safe! I'll write again when I feel like it. For now we're gonna see if my TV works."

"Day Unknown???

We're doing ok..Better than I thought. I was showing Bow my cool collection of Rift Books! Apparently they appear where ever a time rift appears and depending on the surroundings makes a cool picture book about it's past! Pretty neat! Some are sad but most of them are really cool to look at. Snatcher's is really really sad though."

"Day Unknown???

How could I not notice before?! I thought I got all my time pieces but according to my log book there was more missing! I must've not gotten them all from the planet when that mafia guy and Mustache Girl made them all fall from my ship! ...TWICE!! I'm installing a giant new security lock on my vault and heading back to get them! ....I wonder if they'll still be happy to see me again? I might visit them again. After I get those time pieces."

"Day Unknown???

Today I found this hourglass in the attic. It's not a time piece but it's not just a regular hourglass either. According to the instructions this is a memory replaying device of some kind. COOL!! I'm still deciding what to do with it....But I have an idea."

"Day 14?.....Im just gonna say 14 and start from here.

A lot has happened since we got back. I found out Conductor has grandkids and they're all cute and very fuzzy with their feathers! ...But I still wonder what kind of bird they are if they are birds? And I got all my time pieces back! I had to sink a ship and visit the metro to get them though. YIKES!! Now I know why Bow left! They're all thieves and crooks! And that Empress is scary as PECK! But on the bright side now I can explore more of the planet and visit everyone! I can't wait to see Cookie and Mr. Grooves and Timmy again! I just hope I don't run into Mustache Girl. Speaking of seeing people, Bow said Snatcher tried to haunt my ship. I wonder where he was on the cruise?? I didn't see him on the boat, and I tried to visit him but every time I went to his woods he wasn't there?? Like whaaaat? Ghosts can turn invisible so was he invisible? Is he playing a game of hide and seek? I thought he wanted to see us? Oh well. We're gonna see Mr. Grooves tomorrow anyways! He says he wants to show us Cookie's new movie! I'm so excited!"

[just-a-music-and-poetry-lover]

just a little vent

TW: suicide

During my last year of highschool (which just ended), I met a boy, let's call him John, a year younger than me during badminton practice. This was mid-October. We bonded over the fact that none of us was remotely good at it.

I'm from Portugal, John is Brazilian (both countries speak the same language, just different accents). After practice, I heard him tell a friend about speaking Polish. I'm saying this because I remember being jealous of this guy. From basically an hour of interacting with him, I knew that Portugal was, at least, the third country he had lived in. He knew a third language. I always "resented" the fact that I only spoke Portuguese and English. I already admired him.

When I got home, I had a follow request on insta. It was John. I followed back and took a look at his story. And I've never been the same after that.

He had reposted a story of someone from another school who had been at the release of white balloons into the sky. I don't know if this is universal, but here, that's mostly a homage to someone who died. The next story was just a plain text of him thanking everyone who had reached out to him because of his brother.

John's brother had died, and I never would have guessed it. If one of my sisters had died, I wouldn't even be able to go to school. Wait, the story's not over.

Curiosity killed the cat, isn't that what they say? Well, that day, I learned a thing or two about misplaced curiosity.

Since my younger sister is much more social than me, I asked her if she had heard of anyone in that specific school that had died. Then I showed her the white balloons. She told me: "yeah, I heard of that. A guy from there killed himself last week."

Let me tell you, I felt sick. I feel sick just recalling the memories and thinking about this whole situation.

Then she asked me how had I heard of it. And I said: "I think I met his brother today."

Of course, this is all terrible, especially because I've known John for almost a year now and every time I see him, I can see that no smile of his is real. After I learned about what happened, that was all I could see when I looked at him.

As someone who has dealt with suicidality for years now, this whole thing shook me. John and his brother were all I could think about. I would live every possible scenario in my mind of how that kid could've killed himself and I would vomit after that, disgusted with myself. But it was a cycle.

What did I do to deal with all of that, you might ask? I wrote poems. I never talked to anyone about the extent of how I related and how affected this story left me. Much less to John. I don't think he knows that I know. So I had to write about it. I wrote about how, in a parallel universe, I would've been the one to die and John's brother would be the one to grieve and write about a guy he never even met. I wrote about John's grief, what I could see of it.

It wasn't much, but I started picking up on things. John's brother died a couple of months before they turned 16. Yeah, they were twins. John didn't throw a birthday party. Things like that.

After writing, I started feeling better about this. Then my birthday came, and I was thrown back to square one. I met up with my cousins that day. I was already feeling shitty because of an unrelated issue, but it eventually got worse in every way.

My father joined us for part of the conversation and, somehow, it led to my old man explaning how water basically turns to stone if you hit it hard/fast enough. One of my cousins suddenly remembered something.

He had heard some people in his school talk about a guy, who was about our age, who had jumped off one of the bridges over my city's river. Apparently, at the funeral, the family had let the casket open. My cousin said: "I wasn't there, but someone who was told me that every inch of skin was bruised."

This rang a bell, but I didn't want to presume. I asked my cousin if he knew which school had the boy attended and when had it happened. It all matched. Now, not only was I haunted by the knowledge that I knew this guy's brother, was friends with him, had exchanged favorite Taylor Swift songs with him, I also knew exactly how he had died.

Bonus: do you think I ever looked at the river the same way? Not a chance. It used to be so much fun, now I can only pitcure someone jumping and falling off the bridge.

Anyway, that was the vent. You can ask questions, I'll answer if I can. Thank you for reading. No tags because this is not a call for attention.