#wormheart

[pelle-ohlin]

2.6.23 ~ Build Yourself an Aquarium and Stick Your Head in It

Today is Jeremy’s birthday: Jeremy, the boy who never grew up, but somehow still managed to leave me for a 40 year old woman with two high school age children . . . 

I have nothing to say to him. He ruined my birthday last year. I drove him out of my house in a drunken rage the day before it and he never came back, save to pick up his stuff with his brother and grandparents in an awkward, hurried rush . , , I guess my birthday gift from him was that I was finally free. 

But does he really deserve the satisfaction of me saying “happy birthday” when he made my life hell for so many years, then left on such a sour note on what could have been the last happy birthday I ever had?

I’m not sure. Only tomorrow will tell. Because tomorrow, coincidentally, is also the day that my father is getting checked for some extremely weird and rare form of cancer.

I dreamed of my grandmother’s house last night. His mother . . . I dreamed that Jeremy was there with a short Asian girl who was his girlfriend or wife, and she planned to convert the house into an aquarium.

I made my dad laugh today. I told him about the dream, and I said about Jeremy, “Build yourself an aquarium and stick your head in it.” 

~

My life has been so convoluted and constricted by the black ink tendrils of misery and addiction for the past year that I can’t even remember half of what I’ve said or done. That relationship dragged on for 15 years . . . And it feels somehow that I lost ten years off my life. 

I feel as old as the decade. 10 years behind, or maybe even longer . . . Still just a kid desperate to grow up--free from the chains of that depressive, autistic weirdo (I’m one to talk)--but still trapped in a prison of my own making, with thicker bars than I could bash my head through in a thousand lifetimes.

Back when I went to Woodstock in November, I was filled with uncertainty and ready to leave. But now I look back on it so fondly . . . So much has changed that I feel sick to think of what tomorrow may bring.

My father was not what most people would define as “a good man” on a true level. By the standards of society, perhaps he was. I honestly couldn’t tell you. But all I know is that he gave me the ability to think critically and question society, even if it was through drowning in his own mistakes for all my life. Really, none of that matters at all right now, and probably never will again.

All I want, all I hope, is that I can have a few more years to really get to know him. 

I’m the type of person who struggles immensely with showing emotion in front of others, even behind a screen. I never used to be, but a lot has changed within me over the past few years. I’ve experienced so much loss, so much dissolution of what i believed was fundamental . . . 

Oh, how I wish I could go back ......... if only for an hour, knowing what I know now. But how sad it would be . . . I would probably just sit there and stare off and cry, just like I feel like doing now. But the tears will never come.

In the shower I stood there for minutes or maybe even half an hour, I couldn’t tell. And I cried so hard that I couldn’t even hear the sobs. I imagined Jesus Christ hanging naked and shameful, broken on the cross, wounds dragging him down from his wrists to his elbows cracking beneath the weight . . . 

And I understood how and why so-called Christians find solace in the fact that even the avatar of God himself suffers and dies. 

Oh, to reap the pain in the black holes of midnight again ... to taste the euphoria of true disconnection from the fucking mainframe . . . I would break my skull this very moment if it meant I could go back and undo the damage I’ve done, the pain I’ve caused myself and others. 

I never listened. I was always the smartest person in the room. I mean this both sarcastically and literally. People have been giving me horrible advice for all my life, and for all my life I’ve been following it. 

I was finally on the right track, but then I lost momentum because I fell for the trap of a “traditional job” after I already broke the mold. Then the divorce happened, and since then it’s been nothing but shit. Good moments are speckled within the slime pits of torment, but they’re few and far between--but I I thought I knew suffering a week ago, and holy fucking hell was I wrong.

My father told me to finish my book today for the first time in . .. my entire life. My mother gave me a ring that belonged to my grandmother, made of my birthstone, shaped in the formation of the demon star in the throne of Ovium. 

I wonder if my father ever knew about my black metal project. One time he said something weird to me, mildy amused, like, “I heard you wanted to make a band.”

I used to be so good at playing guitar. I could trem pick so fast not even carpel tunnel could catch me. But now I’m dead, and not in the good way. Gutted and vivisected like at Unit 731, but there’s nothing gained from the seething agony. It isn’t even interesting. The screams aren’t even articulate.

It’s a private spectacle--one enjoyed only by fellow sad clowns on the fringes of reality, like you out there, lonely and weird enough to make it to the end of this post.

~

Since these take a significant amount of time and energy to write I’m going to start adding this to these personal posts. It will most likely just be a copy-paste of the following message. But I know some of you have followed me for endless years, so . . .

Over the past year I’ve ruined my life through gambling addiction, stupid decisions, mental illness, addiction, and other bullshit. I used to be a somewhat prolific writer. I’ve seen it all. From science fiction pulps to Fortune 100 companies, I’ve met people you wouldn’t believe, and struck them down too . . . But even though I’ve had opportunities that most people could only dream of, my finances are fucked beyond repair. So if you happen to be a rich weirdo/Illuminati bloodline/alien hacktivist, feel free to send me some money. 

I used to be a black metal musician too. Maybe someday I will be again. This is all I can offer you in return: https://wormheart-black-metal.bandcamp.com/album/wings-of-a-celestial

Venmo: https://account.venmo.com/u/StarlessImperium

bitcoin: 1JXXTKdsx7qUbjDRDiRmzDd5RTmpxeUDC6

If you want physical Wormheart CDs or signed letters, send me a private message.

I will not gamble the money. I will use it to rebuild my life and break the chains I strangled myself with. If you have the power to help me, give me one last chance. 

[iceclan-iterations]

[kthecritter]

Wormhearted (and/or wormkin) wallpaper? No specific, just worm!

here you go, I hope you enjoy! woahhh, I’ve never seen someone who kins worms /pos

[grief-worn]

🐛

"If I'm the worm, you must be the ant."

A sudden pause, her face frozen in a frown. Were ants smaller than worms? Well, it might entirely depend on the kind of ant, and the kind of worm. She wasn't a bloody entomologist. She just could not stand this whirly-haired freak.

"Much, much worse than an ant. A flea. A mite. The tiniest, nastiest, little blip, easily overpowered by the worm."

Alright, Shadowheart, you're overcompensating.

"You're the furthest thing from scary, Astarion. You have absolutely no room to judge."

He actually scared her quite a bit. And she would never admit this.

[closetdbisexual]

my guy

[alterhuman-culture-is]

Wormhearted + questioning wormkin culture is i am SO gonna be hated on

-

[locustclangen]

- MOON 0, Part 3 -

Wormheart comforts his beloved friend,

Mantisstar must make a decision...

[kurjakani]

Finally got these navk from the glaze!!! Seal reacted real fucking weird the rings are the same blue glaze as the wormheart ??? But like i LOVE it its PERFECT. I just need 2 make a wood tail for it (the original broke even pre firing)

[cheerclaw]

https://toyhou.se/22634058.dragoncatcher https://toyhou.se/21637766.wormheart-belanger waaah i dont know if you want me to say anything else but . maybe you can draw them if you want i think theyd be friends

dragoncatcher shut up challenge

[needleinafox]

Niaf main groups ranked by kittypet/twoleg influence and religiousness

First off, influence of kittypets and twolegs, including some stuff about the groups

Shard union has the most influence and the most kittypet and daylight warrior population. This has caused the union to specializing in making/creating things, having the specialized rank of weaver, trading things like pouches, paint and decoration as well as helping translate twoleg speech. Specialized food includes fish and seafood with their nets and swimmers rank. A small fact tying in with kittypets, the current leader, shard wormheart, is named after a worm on a string

Next is the shade guild, having watched and observed twolegs, they have started to domesticate animals for food and entertainment. This comes natural with their camp being in an abandoned farm. They're also second when it comes to population of disabled cats, shard union having just a bit more.

The least kittypet influences come from the fox faction. Following their name, most of their way of living comes from foxes, who are however not seen as gods or such but instead kin, the group is in many ways a mirror to the mainly fox driven jagged skulk. They often stalk their prey and respect nature and their prey a lot, especially prey which resides in the massive system of tunnels built by them. However something probably unexpected, they are not the most religious of the close groups, which brings us to

Which is the most religious group? In the groups it's obvious who it is.

The shade guild has the most respect for their deceased ancestors, having a rank, ground keepers, whose roles are to make sure the grounds where the deceased of all groups rest are safe, as well as being in charge of the burials. They are taught the burial practices of all of the groups to make sure their process goes flawless when they bury them in their specific group grounds. This job is sacred and is one of the most important, often being trained by a star seeker as extra training.

The fox faction actually cares the least if their healers are religious but still as a whole respect their ancestors, especially the founders of the faction and the skulk. They are in exchange for not caring for their healers beliefs the most adamant about the rules of not naming your young after terrible cats or the founder, without permission in the founder's case, lest they will be guided by their spirits, they even have their own ceremony for a kit's honor naming.

The least religious is however our dear shard union, but this doesn't mean they're truly that much less religious (same goes with fox faction's kittypet influences) but just that the others are just more religious

[keplerianorbits]

In need of some money so I present to you adopts!

Each are $10 and payment will be sent through PayPal, dm to claim, watermarkless version will be sent once payment is sent

1. Turtlepelt - Closed

2. Dunewatcher - Closed

3. Wormheart - Open

4. Stormfang - Closed

[click image for better quality]

[iceclan-iterations]

[thoughtfulhog]

I’m making (hopefully) an rpg based off of OFF and Undertale/Deltarune! This is one of the characters, their name in Kitti/Wormheart (they have many nicknames).

also yeah they do look a kinda like zacharie im aware- I honestly didn’t notice until recently lmao bc they were based off of an old oc I had

[quaelgeist333]

It's really interesting to me how many warriors rewrites get rid of humans because NIAF actually takes pretty much the opposite direction with it, the main groups' cultures and growth etc. The development of their ranks and tools (also names, shard wormheart's name is very much from worm on a string and not actually worms). Like in the books, there's daylight warriors, but unlike the book they never got rid of the rank, they're just adjusted for with like never being able to join the frost journey (annual thing where in winter cats go on a journey to meet and stay with the two other groups). Humans also aren't really a threat, as a few of the people living near the communes are actually felinologists and general biologists who are really invested in these cats and their behaviors. Because of this cat catchers and humans destroying territory aren't really a thing because it would interfere with their studies, some cats just sometimes get taken, given vaxxines and if they need it cures for diseases and let them go on their way.

So yeah, when i finally make the comic in the huge dramatic scenes you can assume offscreen a bunch of dudes are like freaking out, pogging etc

[closetdbisexual]

wormheart

[pelle-ohlin]

To my grandpa Bill, who

Even though I acted like a horror-show menace

And spoke like a goatman, possessed by

some unquenchable thirst for perpetual motion, 

looked down at me and smiled.

Not bemused, as if some spectator at a sideshow dance

Or hypnotized by panic, in psychotic trance--

But honest. Genuine. Childlike. Kind.

You understood the hollows of my tortured mind.

A black sheep among black sheep is just a sheep.

A sad clown among sad clowns is just a freak.

~ M. Eric Wormheart