#worm is gonna getcha toes

[rayclubs]

Nobody asked for this but I'm rating TMA fear entities by how scary they are.

The Eye

This bitch should be afraid of me

I set my 0.5L bear head shaped glass mug of discount bootleg pepsi on the table and say "Watch This" and the ceaseless wanker never recovers

0/10 turn your gaze upon. My peanits

The Web

Kind of a MILF and they do intimidate me if I'm being honest

Spiders are pretty disturbing ever since I wrote that story about a gigantic man-eating species with blades for legs, but then there's Jolene who lives on my window and catches the bugs that are Far Worse so I don't even know

4/10 for honest effort, you go girl

The Dark

Scary in the sense that I will stab me goddamn toe

So fun fact, when I was a kid my parents brought home a wooden crate full of pears and set it on the floor near the kitchen doorframe and I ran by at full speed and whacked my pinky toe against it full force, it was bleeding like fuck but for whatever genius reason my parents didn't move the crate so next day I ran the exact same trajectory and didn't have a nail on my pinky toe for six months. But that was in broad daylight so

2/10 get torched idiot

The Vast

I could never be afraid of something so, so sexy

I guess I have an instinctive moderate fear of heights? I did fall off a tree once, and I am prone to window-jumping attempts, but it's not like I can't climb a ladder or anything. The ocean though? The open space? Tell me more

3/10 we on purposed kiss

The Buried

I would DIE in the buried

Petition to rename Too Close I Cannot Breathe to Get The Fuck Away From Me

7/10 can you tell I'm familiar with the crushing weight of poverty

The Flesh

Too funny to be scary

Yeah blood, yeah meat, I'm made of it babygirl don't even worry. I bet you only hate Viscera because your ribs are weird. Not me. Could never be me. My rib is beautiful and pristine, my bone marrow is delish, and my garden is FLOURISHING.

2/10 for the fear of actually going to the gym

The Hunt

It's Gonna Getcha

Kind of boring? Neighborhood stray dogs are scary but at some point you just say "fuck it" and walk the shortcut anyway. We don't have wolves or bears here where I live, it's pretty chill.

2/10 vampires aren't even that sexy (sorry)

The Corruption

I do NOT. Fuck with The Corruption. I DO NOT. Fucking hell.

Bone-chilling, terrifying, absolute bullshit whore of a fear, I HATE her, I hate her SO MUCH, watch me run out of my house screaming upon encountering one motherfucking bitch of a worm, I'm calling extermination services so quick you won't even have the time to say "Filth", FUCK The Corruption

10/10 aaa a a aa a a

The Stranger

Who

I don't know what "uncanny valley" means. I've read the definition but I do not understand the concept. Plastic people don't make any sense to me. "Things that aren't what they should be" does not make sense to me. I Might have identity issues

0/10 fucking clowns

The Slaughter

Soldier TF2

Respectfully and conceptually frightening but not on any personal level. Don't like thinking about it because there's a war just over the border right now, but also everyday things still need done y'know?

5/10

The Spiral

Hawt

Another thing that is conceptually scary but I would just deal with it in a producthve manner because I'm autism powers. Also I get lost even in normal, non-distorted places, so I'm what you may call experienced

4/10 mickey

The Lonely

MY GORGEOUS WIFE

I think about The Lonely at least once a day, I want to go there forever. Will you go to The Lonely with me? Will you? Will you?

0/10 she makes me so happy I want to cry

The Desolation

Yeah fire doesn't do it for me

Can't be scared of losing your home if you don't have a home in the first place

3/10 I'm scared of mean women

The Extinction

Been there done that

More hopeful than scary. Made in Heaven that shit aye

1/10 who gives a shits

The End

Ah well

I mean, I could die tomorrow and I wouldn't care. Cause I'd be dead. Cheers for the living but I'm different.

2/10 the scariest part is all the tentacles

[crystalquintessential]

bird n worm

[moss-sauce]

supposed t be just a little intro for the lich bit? but it got out of hand lmao. ended up being way longer than anticipated. gonna be multi-chapter.

[AO3 link]

The dropship is as rickety as always.

Not an issue for Max. She can adjust to the rumble of turbulence fairly easily, tuning out the whining of the engines and the whistling of air around the ship’s belly. Trouvaille curls up in the seat next to her, sound asleep. Occasionally, a paw twitches, or an ear flicks, as he chases imaginary prey. Caliber, Max’s Mesa Prime, sits on the other side of her. She idly takes apart a pistol, then reassembles it, getting quicker and quicker each time.

���D’you know where we’re going yet?” Max whispers to Caliber.

The Warframe shakes her head.

“Oof. I hope it’s nothin’ bad,” she frets.

Caliber rolls her head in an exaggerated display, then waves her off. You worry too much.

“Don’t be damn rude,” Max scolds. “I’ll worry if I want.”

Caliber shrugs and goes back to her task.

Max hunkers down in the seat as she thinks. The call to deployment had been quick, and she hadn’t gathered much information before the Hounds had set out. She could always ask, but that was too easy. She wanted to figure out for herself. 

So, she eavesdrops. She’s not above that, if it’s harmless.

Buffy, Dodge and some of the other soldiers are talking mindlessly.

“What type of specialist do you think they’ll be?” One of them queries.

“I heard they’re a real heavy unit,” Buffy comments. “Like, rivaling myself heavy.”

“That’s not much of a feat,” Dodge mutters. “You’re a lightweight.”

“What’s that, doc?”

“Nothing concerning you.”

The soldiers snicker at the banter.

A specialist? For what? A new recruit?

“Whatever they are, we have to go to the Queens’ Fortress to meet them, I guess,” Dodge derails. “That says something.”

The Kuva Fortress? Max’s gut sinks. She still feels horribly out of place there. The atmosphere is stifling, choking with strict authority and dust.

“Been a good while since I’ve been there,” Buffy grunts. “Not since…” he trails off and narrows his eyes as he thinks, “before Max, at least, and she’s been here a while.”

Trouvaille’s ear flicks at the sound of his master’s name. He groans in his sleep, stretching and then relaxing once more.

“It’s not a place for everyday soldiers,” Dodge points out. “We’re lucky to even be invited there, let alone get a recruit from such a high ranking unit.”

They’re getting a Kuva specialist? Max’s mind runs rampant with possibilities.

Caliber flicks a shard of salvage off her shoulder, sending it to the floor with a ‘tink’. 

“You’re distracting, you know that?” Max huffs to her.

Caliber shrugs idly, perusing her non-existent fingernails daintily.

“The kid, though,” one of the soldiers interrupts their bickering. “Has she been there since--?”

“No, but it’s not an issue to worry about.” Dodge cuts them off tersely. 

Oh. That was a real stickler to think about.

Max hadn’t been to the Kuva Fortress since the events of the War Within, the turmoil of being able to choose her own actions and face her own consequences, free from the Lotus’ prying, motherly mind. Yes, Max had caused quite the commotion in her time there. Her and Hush, still naive, had infiltrated the Fortress with Teshin’s assistance, finding out about his past and the Queens’ bloodlines. Orokin Blood they were, Teshin was trapped under their control. Back when Max spoke to Teshin more often, she valued his well-being, and wanted to free him from the chains of the Queens. 

So, she had.

She had slain the Elder Queen, retrieved her Warframe and the Broken Scepter.

She had freed Teshin, proven she could pilot her own will, take care of her own self, without the Lotus.

Ironic, is it not? A precursor for what was to come.

Oh, Max still seethes about the betrayal. But she didn’t want to get into it.

She would likely not be welcomed warmly. She isn’t expecting it. She had slain one of the two idols the Grineer as a whole looked up to, in her blind stumblings under the Lotus. She wouldn’t be welcomed at all. Hell, she’s surprised they even considered bringing her along for this. But if Zus wants it, it will be.

“But--”

“It’s not an issue to worry about,” Dodge snaps. “Max will be with us at all times. There’ll be no mistaking that she’s benevolent this time around. The past is the past, whether people want to accept it or not.”

“You think it’s safe for her? The security systems are engrained to track for things like Tenno blood. Won’t they be constantly going off at her?”

“No. Max has been added to a list of exceptions. At worse, a scanner will stumble and refuse to grant her access. None of the sentries or turrets are going to spontaneously deploy against her, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“It wasn’t, but it was on my mind. I happen to like having her in one piece.”

Caliber makes a fawning motion, holding her hands to her cheeks and tilting her head airily.

“God, stop it,” Max shoves a hand in her face. “You’re so...over-the-top.”

Caliber nods proudly, patting her chest.

Trouvaille stirs at the fumbling, stretching each leg and then his toes lasciviously. He groans as he does, arching his back like a kavat would as he sits up and looks around blearily.

“‘Sup, sleepy boy.” The Operator leans over to ruffle his ears fondly. He groans again at the feeling, leaning into the touch eagerly.

“You three,” someone snaps to them. Trouvaille sits stock-still, Max straightens up in her seat, though Caliber continues lounging amusedly. Zus strides over to sit across from them in the galleon’s belly. “We need to talk.”

“About?”

“Things you’ve done.”

Max’s breath hitches.

“Relax. It’s nothing that serious. Just about your past...shenanigans.”

She huffs a breath of relief.

“If sources tell true, you...may or may not have confronted one of the Queens, if not both, the last time you were here. We need to make you as unintimidating as possible. We need to prove that you’ve changed your course and are loyal to their cause now.”

Oh, gods. Zus didn’t know.

Why would he? Something like that would be kept under lock and key. Hint that one of the Queens had been slaughtered would cause an uprising and upheaval of the way things are. Anger, despair, betrayal, loss...all emotions would come into play. Far too much for the Worm Queen to keep under control on her own.

“Don’t equip your amp when you enter. Stay calm. Don’t move quickly or suddenly. Keep Trouvaille,” he nods to the kubrow, “under watch. The vest is to stay on him.” He points to a vest in a heap on the floor. “That’s crucial. Your patch is stamped onto your armor. His isn’t. To them, he could be some rabid stowaway that made his way here, and you know they won’t hesitate to take care of him in typical fashion.”

Max nods, and gulps.

“Get to putting that on him. I’ll keep explaining.”

She kneels over to pick up the vest, turning to Trouvaille. The canine whines excitedly at the sight of the garment: the vest meant business for him. She begins weaving his legs through holes and strapping buckles as Zus continues.

“I’ve done my fair part in making sure the higher ups here know you’re loyal to us, now. I’ve sent reports, documents, data you’ve collected, accounts from other soldiers themselves. But, while they may grant you access, they’re not going to be polite about things.”

“What else is new?” Max scoffs.

“Listen to me.” Zus stares at her. “These are not like your average Lancers. You cannot blow them off with the typical ‘I outrank you’ bluff.” He leans forward. “They are the same rank as us, if not above us.”

“All o’ them?” Max utters.

“Most of them,” Zus corrects. “Still, hold your tongue if you’re unsure what to do. I trust you’re able to do that, as you’re not that much of a confrontational person to start with.” He shrugs.

“I mean, yeah, but,” Max stumbles over words. “What if I’m caught alone?”

“You won’t be.” He answers firmly. “You will have Caliber and Trouvaille with you, guaranteed. I’m assigning Buffy to be your… ‘walking buddy’ for the day.” Zus huffs tiredly. “For the love of god, don’t get up to what you usually do with him here. I won’t be able to handle it today.”

“No, I getcha,” she assures. “Can I...ask what’s going on? Why are we here?”

“We’re receiving a new recruit,” Zus starts. “A specialized recruit, one with the Old Blood within them. They’ll prove to be a valuable asset, but they’re not replacing you.”

Inwardly, Max heaves another sigh of relief. “So, what will they be for?”

“Unsure. We still haven’t seen them.”

“Do they got a designation?”

“They’re called Kuva Lichs.”

“‘Lich’.” Max repeats to herself. “Sounds...scary.”

“They are scary.”

“That’s comforting,” she snorts.

“I don’t see why you’re worrying,” he snorts back to her. “You’ve a man-slaying canine wrapped around your finger.”

Trouvaille’s tongue lolls out of his mouth as he pants happily. One of his ears it folded inside-out. He’s drooling, slightly. He looks proud of himself in his vest.

“Yeah. Killer, slaying, hell-raising dog.”

The galleon shutters around them.

“That’s my cue to leave.” Zus pats her shoulder comfortingly. “Stay safe. I can’t guarantee I’ll be with you the entire time, but Caliber and Trouvaille and Buffy should be.” He stands and leaves.

Caliber peers at her curiously. 

“That was interesting,” Max comments as the ship rumbles, pulling into the docking bay. “Bet this’ll be even more interesting,” she tries showing off a front to cover up the way her stomach fluttered nervously. “Think they’ll be taller than you?”

Caliber would scoff, if she could. She instead waves a hand and shakes her head confidently, making the tattered ends of the bandanna tied around her head wave.

The ship jolts as it docks. The other soldiers unclasp the buckles holding them secure and rise to their feet.

Max stands as well as Trouvaille jumps down from the seat to sit pristinely next to her.

“Here goes nothin’, I guess.”

[shadystarlightgentlemen]

Things my brother and I laughed at at 1am because we’re sleep deprived pt.1

“I think something bit me on my ass”

“My ass eat??”

“I think I’m gonna cry.” “Good.” “God?” “Worse.” “Jesus!”

“Is this up your ass?” “I wish.” “This is not the time to talk about your anal beads kink.”

“July 24th, 2005.” “Prediction prediction prediction.”

“You know who’s pregnant? Not me.” “Not me!”

*my little brother trying to talk about an elaborate story of my big brothers clowns fucking* “Gay sex. Gay sex. Gay sex. Gay sex.” -my big brother”

“He blocked me for sending him Monty (Montgomery gator) inflation porn.”

“Are you hallucinating spiders as women?” “How dare spiders be woman?! Keep you woman things to yourself. Keep your lady hugs over there, woman!”

“Spiders are just eight legged boners.”

*my big brother showing me Monty gator inflation porn* “hungry hungry hippo. Is he pregnant?”“I’m in Spain without the s. Go on ask.” “I screamed without the s.”

*moves the pride flag* *my big brother staring at me like a lemur*

*my big brother plays cbat on a slime game* “did you like that on my slimelaphone”

*my big brother scootches over to me on the floor* “how y’a doin’?”

*my big brother looming over my my iPad and laughs at this post*

*i stub my toe and hit my head* “venusaur I choose you!” *my big brother hits me over the head with the card*

“I just whipped you with a purple noodle. If you were a cross sans simp, you’d be excited.”

“Get your bulbous toes off my charging cord.” “Leave me and my exploding toes out of this!”

“I really wanna bit your knee right now.” “You can if you want, just don’t hurt me. Oh wait, hey bro, you wanna have a bite? Nah I’m good.” *does the neerooom from that one tiktok*

*bites my lip* “refreshing”

“I freaked out cause I thought something fell and hit my toe, but it was just your toe slowly inching it’s way across the hardwood floor.” “Their gonna getcha! Their gonna getcha!” *inches my foot closer to my big brothers like a worm*