#workplacesexualharrassment

[loveoncearedhead-blog]

An Open Letter to My Sexual Harasser

An open letter to my sexual harasser:

When we met, I was twenty four years old.  My hair was red-- red like the leaves in autumn.  I had dyed my hair that vibrant color since I was eighteen.  It was a source of confidence for me.  I was new to the industry, and my naivety to the field and my age left me unconfident.  You arrived two months later, experienced, attractive, and overconfident.  You were made my superior.  

In the beginning, the comments were almost harmless.  You presented them as jokes, and while my feminist side objected, the other side of me told me not to take things so seriously.  You joked to my coworkers that I was “yours”.  You almost on a daily basis commented on my physical appearance.  In the beginning, everything was almost superficial.  

While months passed, these comments persisted, and the perverseness of your discussions deepened.  You often told me about how your wife did not engage in sex with you, and that when you initiated sexual activities with her, she handed you an iPad and told you to “shake your monkey” and watch porn.  Now, while I do commend you two for creating such a unique term, there was nothing appropriate about this.  And in these moments, I always remained silent.  What was to say when you were my superior and I was your subordinate?  I lived paycheck to paycheck, and was afraid any objection to these comments would compromise whatever stability to living I had.  Later you replayed this same conversation several times, but added that your wife was so focused on her career that she allowed you to have an open relationship.  

After some time with the company, I longed for more.  You made promises of a promotion.  The idea of the promotion brought me the sanctuary of financial security.  While the comments made were worsened.  You started telling my coworkers that it drove you crazy when I re-dyed my hair and it was a more vibrant red.  You told them that redheads give the best head.  I came into work one day and a co-worker approached me asking me if she could tell me a secret.  She told me that you had asked another co-worker if it would be weird if you asked me out on a date.  

The holidays approached, and the company participated in “Secret Santa”.  You were my “Secret Santa”.  You pulled me into your office, and admitted the position you were in, and asked what I wanted.  I just requested a sweater for my male dog that says “Bitches Love Me”.  You purchased it, and suggested another larger gift and offered to buy me a beer.  I felt like I couldn’t say no to my superior as I did not know what consequences would pursue.  That evening we went to the store, and you purchased me a new vape (I had recently quit smoking), and bought me a beer at the mexican bar next door.  You had demonstrated at a previous holiday party that you like to flaunt your money, so I saw these purchase no more than that.  However, you had other intentions.  Over the drink, I made a remark about feminism, and you said “I have the utmost respective for women… my sister is a strong woman”.  I ask you, how do you reconcile all the things you have said about/towards women with this belief?  You have demonstrated that this is just something you say… perhaps believe, but absolutely, do not act upon.  You inquired about my dating relationship, and made specific remarks as he was the same race as you.  (Thankfully) the drinks ended abruptly as you were preoccupied by something else.  

Although for months you promised me a promotion internally, you approached me with a job offer that required relocation.  It offered me a 66% increase in pay.  I struggled with the decision… leaving my family after a significant loss and the news of being a future aunt.  I debated this situation heavily.  I was sad to lose the proximity to my family, but I was intrigued by the possibility of financial stability.  Thankfully, before I made a decision, IT started to happen.  

You made a pass at another coworker, and it wasn’t just another pass, it was significant enough to get the ball rolling against you.  You offered to financially help her out with her college education in exchange for sexual favors.  She spoke up, and for once, I didn’t feel alone.  She approached management, and management approached me.  I opened up, and I am so grateful that I had direct management that supported me.  The company lawyer approached me, and I told her everything.  In retrospect, I would have gotten my own lawyer, but when you’re naive, these are the things you do.  I felt like we were doing something, and I was grateful someone was listening.  

I was told you would never be allowed in the building ever again.  That I would never see you again.  However, you showed up in the building eight times uninvited.  Every time I felt like my safety was in danger.  I had seen your anger.  With your office door was close, I had heard your angered screams echoing down the hallway, so loud that it had caught the attention of our customers.  I’ve had experience with angry men, and I know what I can expect.  Even though you were not allowed in the building, I know you could track the company car, and I know you have fucked with my accounts.  

Rumor got out.  Your reputation got ruined.  You blamed me.  I know that you know where I live based on GPS tracking and the company car being parked at my house.  For a month straight, I slept with a knife at my night stand.  Some call me paranoid, but I know anger.  I had car problems, and my dad bought me a gas cap that could be only unlocked with a key.  I am paranoid, and I feel justified, and my loved ones are too.  

Some may ask why I didn’t say anything sooner.  For one, I thought people would tell me that I was overreacting (in the same way that when being street harassed people tell me I should be flattered).  Second, I thought you held the key to freedom of financial struggle… if I just put up with these statements, I could make more money and worry less about bills.  Third of all, I thought no one would believe me.  

I dyed my hair black.  I tried to eradicate any beliefs towards me for being a redhead.   I thought I could wash away all the perverse things you said about redheads.  Now the black is fading, and the red it peeking through.  I’ve purchased blue hair dye-- the opposite of red.  I will do anything to try to erase the memory of you in my life.  

Sincerely,

One of the women you harassed.  

[kaliipd-blog]

#WorkplaceSexualHarrassment