#work be stressing and got bills to pay
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ticklish-v-93 · 1 year ago
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I finally finished! Lol work has been a key factor to why this is late buuuutttt its done! This is my OC Neve and you'll see her sometimes when I do more art for OBEYME! or TK art for the many lists and ideas I have lol. I was lazy and did not draw the background, found the wallpaper on Google. AN:
Art by: yours truly
If you share or repost, please give credit! Disclaimer: Did not make the background. The background was found on Google and belongs to the original creators and content.
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lesbiansanemi · 27 days ago
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My roommate has not been to work in like two weeks atp


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hobbithoes · 3 days ago
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Gonna start posting again soon fr , it’s just hard to manage my time , venting in the tags incomingggg ✈
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#I just like this gif . it’s neat#hopefully finish SOMETHINGGG tn or tomorrow I have sooo many wips#it’s like so hard to balance playing with drawing and also it’s hard to do stuff bc I feel bad for not doing “productive things???#like I need to figure out what I’m doing for school and figure all that out and learn how to cook and just idk basic human things that I’m#sooo far behind in and idk I have a lot of stress with it all the time? it’s a whole thing I think it’ll only be better when my job#insurance hits and I can go to therapy 😜 my mom messed me up fr I fear 
#I’m rlly scared for my insurance tho lowkey bc I haven’t went to dentist since 4th grade and yeah.. never been a good tooth situation#in the first place so I rlly hope I don’t have to get any pulled 😳😳#anyway I’ll prob delete this I’m just ventinggg#it’s still sooo much better than my life when I was tattooing and couldn’t afford my bills and super stressed so like idk why I still am#like this like I live with my bfs parents they’re so sweet and they cook all the time and have said I’m like a daughter#but that almost makes the mommy issues worse yaknow bc it kind of is
 but I know it’s not like a true daughter like if I did something craz#she’d be like bye LOL#which makes sense !!!!! but still idk I wish I had that bond that cannotttt be brokennn#oghhhh why is my mom an actual meth headdd đŸ˜© idk how I turned out so chill but there’s def still problems here 
.#I do work!!! it’s part time now thouughhh since ups will pay for school đŸ«#oh also I’m so lonelyyy I moved 3 hrs away to live with his parents and nobody at work rlly talks to me also bf lives states away#he was supposed to take me with him but he broke up with me and we got back together but like. hurts I should be over thereee#I’ll def delete this later prob but wanted to speak into the void .. thank u
 going to weed store now 

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shadyhouse · 16 days ago
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#i need a good reason to not kill myself because the world feels so fucking hostile right now and theres nowhere i can go to safety#my bank account is Seven Hundred And Thirty Dollars in the negatives. i have bills coming up this week. i have no hours at my job#i went to a job interview yesterday for fucking taco bell THATS how desperate i am. and im not even 100% sure if im gonna get it or not#and if i do get it my life will be miserable and i wont have time for anything else in my life im like actually terrified#i have so much Trauma from shitty unstable jobs for my whole adult life that it just feels painful to think about#i cant afford to live i cant afford to be homeless either#i should just die like genuinely im at the end of my rope i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this#im so stressed im so overwhelmed its so difficult to work on art because of this#my life is actively crumbing away beneath my feet the last thing i want to do is draw pictures#but i have to. i have no other choice i Have to#the world is better off without me in it OBVIOUSLY. like all i hear about constantly is how much trans people dont deserve to live#i shouldve considered this before i decided to be born the way i am#i never asked to be born into this. i wish i never was. i wish i wasnt alive right now#i dont want to live i dont want a life i dont want to keep on going if its just going to be like this all the time#i hate feeling this way because of MONEY. I HATE MONEY. MONEY ISNT REAL UNTIL IT IS REAL AND THEN ITS EXTREMELY REAL.#money is only real for poor people and thats what ive learned in my time on this earth#btw im not okay and nothing anyone can say to me will make me feel better because theres no fucking point in anything#i got denied for food stamps and welfare also btw lol like im doing everything i can to improve my life but everything sucks and is hard#and i dont have a safety net and im falling and falling and falling and im about to splat hard on the concrete#i have to do laundry and clean my room and make breakfast and work on art and all of that while knowing i cant pay my bills#i dont know why suddenly it feels impossible to do fucking anything. like theres no other choice but to suffer#it feels like the world is ending and Yes im having a catastrophic breakdown right now and i just need to shout into the void#i'll feel better after i eat but i need to get dressed first and i have no clean clothes so i have to do laundry#but i have to collect my clothes off of the floor and i have 0 energy bc i havent eaten and im stressed and fucked up#UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DIES#things could absolutely be worse right now but this is about as bad as they can be before that happens. lol
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xotherwcrldsx · 1 month ago
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I also need to write a fic about Amy's first kill... for no reason at all! Totally not to release some pent up anger and project 😌
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readymades2002 · 3 months ago
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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yeowvng · 11 months ago
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hm
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lesbiansanemi · 8 months ago
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Thank you to everyone who offered kind words and encouragement last night, I really appreciate it <3 I’m feeling much better today and started getting settled in again. I’m working on clearing out the clutter in my room since so much of the shared living space was dedicated to him and I have room to do more than hang things on the walls now. I cooked dinner for the first time in weeks, and my cats curled up on my lap while I watched tv
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marsian-tango · 16 days ago
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Yandere Alien
Part 2
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A normal person should be allowed to have normal problems, right? You’re no exception. You have a job that forces you to get out of bed at 8 AM, a shitty apartment that needs to be cleaned and tidied from time to time, bills to pay.
You have a life, you’re busy. But god, you’re exhausted!
You may be an adult, but you’re still young, and sometimes you just need to take a little break from everything!
So when you decide to spend your money on a modest trip to the countryside, staying in a secluded but cozy cabin, you’re finally able to relax

CRASH!
Or maybe not.
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Yandere! Alien who crashes his ship near your cabin, and is pretty much trapped in the debris.
Yandere! Alien who you manage to find through all the metallic rubble, using all your strength to drag his large body to your cabin. Tending to him despite your raw confusion and fear. Trying your best to steady your shaking hands to clean his wounds. How were you supposed to clean a wound again? Ugh! Maybe reddit knows?
Yandere! Alien who in his almost unconscious state, looks at you through half lidded eyes, taking in your soft features and small frame. You look so cute with his blood all over your hands! He can’t believe he got saved by such an adorable human. He needs to learn your culture so he can court you properly. Oh! Will you accept him right away or will you wait a little? Will you come live with him on his planet or should he just remain here with you?
Yandere! Alien who eventually passes out with a lazy smile painting his face, dreaming of how your relationship will develop.
Yandere! Alien who wakes up the next day with waves of pain rushing through his body. But he can only focus on the faint smell that envelops him. The bed he’s lying in
it must be yours! It smells just like you. He takes a deep breath, taking in your sweet aroma. He then gets up from the bed slowly, letting out a groan, he ventures through the cabin until he finds you.
Yandere! Alien who sees you pacing around the living room with a tired and stressed look. Oh, his poor human. You didn’t expect to meet him, neither did he. But don’t worry, he’ll take care of you from now on. After all, you saved him, so it’s the least he can do!
Yandere! Alien who clings to you constantly. He just can’t be away from you! You smell so good, and you’re cute, and small, and so...his. He thought that physical contact was the universal way to show affection, so why are you trying to push him away when he hugs you? It must be a game, right? Yeah, you’re just being silly!
Yandere! Alien who tries to learn your language through shows and movies, while also trying to learn a more human way to court you. It isn’t perfect, but at least you can understand him now.
Yandere! Alien who completely ruined the normality of your life. Having to take him to your house and give him a home. Cause who knows what could happen to him if you don’t? What if the government finds him and experiments with him in a lab? You don’t want that in your conscience!
Yandere! Alien who hates when you go to work. But if he finds out that you’re going out with your friends or, God forbid, a man? Oh, yeah, you’re definitely not leaving. Have fun trying though.
Yandere! Alien who enjoys seeing you struggle against his grip. He’s so much larger and stronger than you. You could bite, scratch, and push as much as you want. It practically tickles him, and it only makes him look down at you with those lovestruck, condescending eyes of his.
Yandere! Alien who’s romantic advances don’t go unnoticed by you, but you just don’t know what to do anymore! You’ve tried your best to make your intentions clear. You saved him, you took him, and you’ll keep him for now. That’s it. You’ve tried telling him countless times that you don’t like him in that way, so why doesn’t he stop cuddling you and asking you to marry him?!
Yandere! Alien who daydreams about his future with you. He’s starting to like earth, so he truly wouldn’t mind living here with you forever. It has nice movies, food that doesn’t exist on his planet, and a funny thing called ‘internet’. He can’t leave your apartment unless it’s nighttime, so when he found out that he could interact with other humans and learn more about your world through this ‘internet’ he was ecstatic! He started learning ways to court you, to treat you, to make you laugh. He even found a website where he can learn how to please you! That one will come very handy once you two get married.
Yandere! Alien who can’t wait to make you officially his

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This is the first time I write for something that isn't school, so this is very new to me. Please excuse my amateur ass, and if you find any mistakes please let me know, cause English isn't my first language. I would really like some feedback, so be as mean as you want, I just want to grow as a writer, even if nobody reads this. Kisses <3
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queercatboyrights · 1 year ago
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anyone got any tips on getting art industry jobs w/o a college degree bc holy fuck this shit is horrendous /oAo;\
#nebbles talks#s.struggling to. survive working full time and still trying to get an illustration degree..#wish i. couldve taken the semesters off for work again like i did last year#but. unfortunately. since someone decided to change lanes w/o checking for. yknow. traffic in that lane. i now have an extra $200/month#to pay in bills. :)))))#not to mention the horrendous interest rate i got fucked over with :)))))))))#not even looking at the terrible financial stress the stress of these classes themselves is INSANE#like. one prof says hes ''simulating working with real clients'' with how he formats the class#which to him just means 'im going to assign you three major projects at once'#each of which have overlapping and hard set due dates for an asinine amount of preliminary work that can take up to 6 hours EACH#plus you have to submit at least 2 pages for all your preliminary work describing WHY you chose your colors or shapes#and HOW the colors and shapes are effective visual elements#and then you also have to submit a mini essay that describes how your art might fair against other real businesses art and illustrations#like. my guy. i have to work 35 hours a week. and do homework for 4 other classes.#i cannot physically keep up. with that kind of a pace. without killing myself in the process with self-neglect#just. do not understand why i have to run myself ragged and to the brink of total collapse and failure.#just so i MIGHT get improved odds of getting a decent job that wont even help me get above the poverty line#like. i wanna be able to make art for a living and be able to live comfortably#but that just doesn't seem like its possible in the society thats currently set up rn#just. AUHG#;w;
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pacofprunes · 15 days ago
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wishful thinking
thanos/su-bong x pregnant! reader (fluff, comfort)
warnings — thanos and reader have matching tattoos, crying, mentions of sex, cursing, mentions of pissing on a door, pregnant reader, switching of referring to thanos and subong so hope you don’t get too confused, use of bitch (not towards reader), lowercase, typical squid game shit so mentions of blood and death,
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you joined these games because although you thought it was too good to be true, it was all you could do. your shitty ex su-bong making you invest all your money into some dumbass crypto scam and blowing all of your guys money on drugs, childish bets, and gambling. after he blew both your guys money out, you left him, blocked him on everything, ignored your doorbell when he’d attempt to see you in person, everything. but two months after you broke up, it all came crashing down. you found out you were pregnant. and he was the only one you let see that part of you, it was his. but you were sure he moved on and even if he hadn’t, you couldn’t take him back. if he was this much of an incompetent person, he’d definitely be a terrible father. you didn’t want him in your life or your child’s.
besides some guy you assumed to have dementia or be on drugs, the game was going pretty smooth. until it wasn’t and it turns out the guy wasn’t crazy and people all around you were dying. blood splatting on your face left and right. you finally find a method and stay behind other people and everything was going smoothly again besides the intense stress and pressure. your heart and stomach feeling heavy. but the next time that doll turns around you hear a bunch of screams and you look to the right and see that su-bong was here too, and he had just pushed all of those people. he looked crazed. you just ignore it and try not to think about it, finally passing that finish line and being done with the first game, waiting for a full explanation.
you all move back into the main rooms that contained all your beds and people start screaming and yelling for answers. crying to go home, begging for their lives. you too wanted to go home, but you had so much on your mind. so much that you don’t notice your ex is nearing right behind you.
“señorita! oh my god baby is that you?”
he grabs your shoulder and turns you around to face him and you look up at him, frowning your eyebrows. he starts grabbing your face in his hands, touching all over you, not being able to comprehend it was you.
“oh god, it is you, babe, are you okay? where have you been i’ve missed you—”
“subong, stop. we’re not together, and we never will be ever again.”
you push his hands off your face and step back to put some distance between you two, still giving him a major glare. he reaches his arms out towards you again as if he was slowly trying pick up a scared puppy.
“cmon— you can’t still be mad. baby, i’ll make it up to you, especially now.”
you look behind him and see a few people waiting on him, clearly eavesdropping. he turns around and looks at you again, a puppy dog look on his face but you shake it off.
“it’s not going to work subong. the debt im in now is insane because of you!”
he holds his right hand out before grabbing your right hand.
“baby please — we got these tattoos together,”
you look down at your hands and see the matching line placements decorating both of your hands. it was a stupid idea. you’d been dating for a little over a year, you shouldn’t had done it, you knew that. but you could barely pay for your bills, you definitely couldn’t pay to remove a tattoo. but deep in your heart you wished he was different, wished you could forgive him because deep down you still loved him. that tattoo was a sick reminder of that everyday. you realize you’d been staring at the two of your hands for a while before pulling away quickly. he looks at you with a smile and hope in his eyes. he places both of his hands on your shoulders again.
“see, we’re meant to be. it was a mistake, i know, i did it out of the goodness of my heart! for us, for you, you know that.”
you scoff at him.
“no. no i don’t know that. we’re not getting back together choi su-bong, that’s final.”
his hands go limp on your shoulders before you speak up, saying your next few choice of words slightly quieter as his fans or friends or whoever was still behind you two, stop eavesdropping.
“and just so you know, i’m pregnant. it’s yours. i’m keeping it. i don’t need you to help me. i’ll find a way to make money and i’ll raise my child.”
he stares at you stunned before you push away and move through the crowd. you hear him yell for you, yelling that cringy señorita pet name your way, but you ignore him, trying to hide in the crowd, listening to what the guards say as he drowns in the sea of people.
the guard mentions voting and how you guys were gonna vote whether to stay or leave. part of you wanted to stay still, but if you died, so did your baby. and you were scared out of your mind, nothing able to comfort you. so you knew you were going to choose to leave. you weren’t in insane debts but you still had a lot. the money they were offering after the first game was nowhere near close enough to pay it all off. you would have to play one more game, maybe even two to pay it off, but you couldn’t take any risks. they start calling from highest to lowest numbers and once they call ‘player 230’, your shitty ex makes his way down the line, skipping to smack that blue button, choosing to stay. it only made you wanna choose the other side even more. your turn comes and you choose to leave, sticking the red ‘x’ on your chest. you could see him staring at you through the corner of your eye, but you just chose to ignore it. creepy bastard.
after arguments and close physical alterations, the voting was over. you had lost, you’d be staying for another game. you wanted to go but at least you’d have an opportunity to make a little more money, you guess

“excuse me, young lady, would you like to join us?”
you look over to a short older woman holding onto your arm, pointing over to a small group of people who were sitting on their beds. you give her a small smile and nod, letting her take you over there. she signals where you can sit and you move slowly while holding your stomach, letting out a deep breath once you finally get down all the way. you look around and there’s an older man, a younger girl, and another woman with some very strong features. the older woman speaks.
“i mean, i can’t believe they chose to stay! no offense hyun-ju, but come on!”
the older woman smacks her hand down on the bed and you give her a sympathetic and understanding look. she looks up at you before she gets a surprised look on her face and quickly flails herself around to get her composure.
“right! ma’am, this is my son yong-sik, this is young-mi, and this is hyun-ju.”
she pauses looking at you and sits up quickly again.
“oh, and you can call me mrs jang.”
she gives you a teethy smile. realizing she’s waiting for you to introduce yourself you let out an oh and tell her who you are and she grabs your hands into hers and rubs circles into them.
“oh that name is so pretty. a pretty name for such a pretty girl.”
her son yong-sik slaps her shoulder and then they start arguing. you just sit there happy to have the company before you look to your right and see subong on the other side staring at you. you quickly look away and look down at your legs, biting your lip.
“yo, who’s that girl? you were arguing with her earlier. she’s smoking.”
he keeps staring before snapping his head back at nam-gyu.
“you are right, she is smoking hot.”
he pauses.
“well you see nam-su—”
“nam-gyu
”
“right right, nam-gyu, anyways, that’s my girl over there, okay? she just playin’ hard to get right now is all’,”
nam-gyu raises his eyebrows, getting an idea.
“soo, you gonna let me have a turn with that, right?”
thanos slaps his arm.
“nah bro, i normally share but that, ive had dibs on her for at least two years.”
he slaps nam-gyus arm again and then grabs it, causing nam-gyu to let out an ‘ow bro’,
“don’t worry bro! i’m sure we can find ya a bitch in here though! keep your mind busy and dick wet and we’re sure to win this whole thing.”
he slaps his arm one last time before nam-gyu slaps him back, thanos just laughing before slowly going back to watching you. trying to figure out how he should go about this. deciding that he’d just wait until everyone was asleep to talk to you again.
night time comes around and you had to piss. this fucking sucked. you had none of your pain killers, and you were about to crawl into a ball and start ripping your skin off from the pain you were in. but right now just focus on pissing. just focus on pissing you thought. you get up slowly, clutching your stomach before walking up to the door to the bathroom, knocking on it, waiting for someone to answer. finally the window slides open and you’re met with a triangle looking at you, or at least you think he, it? is looking at you.
“uhm, excuse me, i need to use the washroom.”
“players may not leave this room past your given curfew.”
the window to the door shuts. you take a deep breath, not willing to cause a scene and just about walk away before a guy walks up behind you and starts making a scene for you. that guy being su-bong.
“hey, me and my girl are tryna fuck, if you want we can do it right in the middle of this fucking room!”
it doesn’t work and the door doesn’t open.
“im not a girl! i have a penis and i know how to fucking aim. the next time you open this door it’s gonna be fucking yellow instead of pink i promise you that! i gotta heavy ass piss stream i been holdin’ and i can let out all over this door!”
you slap him, asking him what he was doing and that he was being crazy. but if you were being honest you were trying to stiffle a laugh. he always was funny, and in your relationship he always knew how to make you laugh. you’re pulled out of your thoughts when somehow what he said actually worked and they opened the door for you both. you make your way to the bathrooms and it’s silent the whole time. he was thinking of what to say to you. a million things running through his mind. you make it to the two bathrooms and you go and open the women’s bathroom door before it feels ten time lighter and you see subong holding the door open for you. giving you a cheeky grin. you just look at him before making your way into the bathroom and the door closing behind you. you hadn’t even noticed that you were holding your breath before you breathe out and realized your lungs were burning.
“i really have missed you, you know?”
you snap your head around and see that he had followed you into the bathroom and you call him a perv, yelling at him to get out.
“hey! i’m not here to fuck alright. i mean, unless you’re down then babe, let’s get it fucking going.”
he claps his hands together and you give him a disgusted look before going into one of the bathroom stalls and slamming the door shut so you could finally piss. but when you were done actually doing your business, you just sat there with your face in your hands. he was stressing you out, this baby was stressing you out, and this place was stressing you out and you were on the verge of a breakdown.
“i’m not coming out until you’re gone.”
you see his feet right under the bathroom stall door you were in and groan. hearing the door creak a little, assuming he was leaning against it, which he was.
“baby, please. i just want us again. i’ve missed you so much, you’ve been the only thing on my mind since you left.”
you started to tune him out and started rubbing your face in your hands even more, feeling your eyes start to water, your breath getting caught in your throat, your sniffing starting to become louder before one of your sobs slips and he hears it. asking if you were okay and you just ignore him, covering your mouth with your hand, continuing to cry.
“please let me in.”
you take a deep breath and slightly get up to unlock the door before sitting back down on the toilet seat, face still in your hands. he crouches down to you and cups your face in his hands before he pulls you in for a hug and starts rubbing circles into your back. your sobs getting louder as you burry your face into his bloody jacket, but you really weren’t thinking about that. god thinking of when you two were like this made you start to regret the past, yearn for a future with you two, and hate the present situation you were in. still crying into his jacket as he continues to try to soothe you with his touch. he pulls away after awhile and pushes your tears away with his thumb. his heart crumbling as he sees your teary orbs looking him in the eyes. you’d cried to him before when you were together, and he had comforted you many times before, but never had he seen you this distraught. he hooks his arm under your shoulder and lifts you to standing and he moves you out of the bathroom stall. you wipe your tears away, mumbling a sorry, avoiding all eye contact with him, looking at the ground.
“baby, look at me.”
your eyes look around at the ground before you slowly move your head up to look at him, a small pout on your lips. biting them from the nerves. it was a bad habit you’d never gotten rid of, you’ve had it since he’s met you. he looks at you, almost looking through your eyes. he places one hand on your arm, and grabs your right hand in his right hand, the matching tattoos clashing together.
“please, give me another chance. we’ll figure out the money, work, all of it.”
he pauses and looks down at your stomach. moving the hand that was on your arm to hold your stomach. looking up at you for confirmation that he could and you give him a small nod before he rubs the side of your tummy.
“i just can’t believe it. you should’ve told me!”
he raises his voice and you look away. still about to completely knaw off your lip.
“i didn’t think you’d want to stay. can you blame me?”
he pauses his rubs on your stomach, other hand still in yours and moves the hand that was on your stomach to your face, making you look at him. putting his thumb on your lips, getting you to stop biting them.
“i promise i want to be there for you and for our baby.”
you take a deep breath and he rubs his thumb on your tattoos.
“i won’t leave you, i’ll be better for us, i promise baby.”
you whisper under your breath. can’t believing you were about to say what was about to come out of your mouth.
“you promise
?”
his eyes light up.
“i promise baby.”
he pulls you into a tight hug and he hears you groan, forgetting that he might’ve been putting too much pressure on your belly. he gives you an awkward smile and he takes your hand into his and holds both your guys hands up to your face, as if showing you that he was never gonna let go of you again, and you two couldn’t be separated. you give him a light smile before letting go of his hand and he gives you a look of confusion.
“what? you never gave me the chance to wash my hands.”
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ms-demeanor · 2 months ago
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Since July (when the business I work for got acquired by a larger company) I've been doing a LOT more work and have been under a lot more stress and have been a lot more tired.
I have also said the words "I'm severely underpaid and we need to fix this" to at least three people from the c-suite and have been assured that nobody has forgotten that and that's on the agenda.
It's great that that's on the agenda but I keep having to choose between buying a mattress that doesn't hurt and paying power bills and it has been five months. (I got paid about a thousand dollars for a side project recently so this is no longer a choice that has me over a barrel but also it's not a choice I should have been struggling with given the size of the company I'm now working for and my tremendously increased workload)
All of which is background for the fact that I am applying for jobs and have been spending an unconscionable amount of time on LinkedIn (which is, like, eighty times more soul-crushing than I had realized; it is fucking grim on that website).
Because applying for jobs is a nightmare and because it is totally normal to apply for approximately a million jobs before you hear back from one, I have made up a tiny, miserable RPG to play to track my applications and I figure every time I "die" in the game I'll do something nice for myself like burn a vacation day or get takeout.
Anyway, here are the rules for playing Labor Quest:
Player starts with 100 HP; interactions with the Job Board determine player health over time.
Applying for a position: +1hp
Response: (call or email): +2hp
Interview: +10hp
Rejection: -10hp
Ghosting (1 month silence): -2hp
You die when you get to 0 points.
I'm playing very slowly because I do at least have a stable job with benefits so I'm not putting in more than a few applications a week and I'm currently at a score of 93. I've been ghosted by a landscaping company that was looking for a receptionist (and that I had to do an indeed skills test for to apply) and rejected by an extremely scammy ghostwriting company that I mostly replied to just to see what would happen (it's the writing company from the Dan Olsen "Contreprenuers" video). I suspect that I'm going to lose a lot of HP through ghostings in the coming week (I only wrote this out as a game in October so I haven't been tracking ghostings more than a month).
I'm considering adding modifiers like "reconfiguring entire resume for one submission," "taking skills tests," and "writing a goddamned cover letter," "spending > 1hr on LinkedIn in a 24hr period" that would also impact player HP.
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tojicide · 3 months ago
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DOCTOR, DOCTOR! ☆ ZAYNE LI.
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summary. when you’re feeling under the weather, doctor zayne is quick to prescribe you with what he knows will have you feeling better in no time.
warnings. fem! reader, pet names, boyfriend! zayne, praise, masturbation, fingering, oral ( fem. receiving ), cockwarming, unprotected p in v, mirror sex, creampie, aftercare. the rocking chair is featured. wc. 3.9k.
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Zayne is an intelligent man, that much was evident, but for the first time in his career, he’s absolutely stumped.
Why is that, you may ask? Well for starters you, his beloved girlfriend, have been a bit distant lately. Not cold, not rude, but distant.
With his busy schedule, he didn’t see much of you during the day, and by the time he got home, you were usually fast asleep. It was easy to think that he was simply missing you and that was why his brain had led him to feel this rift between the two of you, but alas, he couldn’t be more wrong.
This entire ordeal truly got him thinking

He saw a few tissues in the trash bin—perhaps you were catching the common cold. But when he prepared a spoonful of bitter medicine and a glass of water to wash it down, he was met with your denial that you masked with a smile.
If it wasn’t that, what could it be? Zayne asked the same question.
Maybe you were stressed out because of work. He finds that to be probable, so he made it a point to get home as early as he could last night to give you a massage after he cooked you your favorite meal.
You seemed to be soothed by his touch, murmuring a few ‘ah’s and ‘ooh’s of satisfaction as his skilled hands threaded into the tense muscles of your shoulders. Once you were at ease with your head resting back on his chest, he gave you a tender kiss on your cheek before he turned in for the night.
Call him overly analytical, but when it took you awhile to join him, he had a feeling that the massage hadn’t quite accomplished what he hoped it would have.
His mind then started to wander even further. Had he forgotten to run the dishwasher? No, of course not. Had he forgotten to pay the utility bills? Absolutely not, he took his credit score very seriously and a late payment was simply unlike him.
Had he forgotten to put the toilet seat down
? Okay, he definitely did, but that couldn’t be why you were acting so unlike yourself.
And then, as he sat at his desk with a fresh plate of food in front of him, it dawned on him. When was the last time you orgasmed? More importantly, when was the last time he’d given you one himself?
It was almost inhuman how fast he jumped up from his office chair to inform Yvonne that he would be out for the remainder of the afternoon, because oh was he feeling downright horrible.
He was back at your shared apartment in no time, pushing the door open and setting his shoes in the nook positioned in the entryway.
(He had a bad habit of trucking on the hardwood floors without removing his shoes, and considering he was already on your shit-list, he made sure to do it now.)
“Honey?” he calls out to you, making his way towards your closed bedroom door. “Sweetheart, I’m home.”
Zayne’s eyebrows raise as he glances around, finding that your apartment looks rather empty and desolate. “I’d like to apologize. I know I haven’t been present for you lately and—”
And then, he hears something. Something that makes him stop in his tracks. His eyebrow quirks up with intrigue as he presses his ear to the door, listening in.
He’d know those beautiful sounds anywhere, even if it’d been awhile since he had lured them out of you himself. Your moans were muffled by the door, but they were enough to make his cock stiffen up beneath the fabric of his black slacks.
“God
 please,” you muttered, clearly out of breath and in frustration. “Damn it!”
Behind the door, you were resting on his side of the bed, hoping that his scent would be enough to make you finish. Your fingers toyed with your clit as you desperately tried to get yourself off, but nothing seemed to be working.
Zayne was practiced in a way that only he could be. He knew female anatomy better than you did, but more importantly, he took pride in learning yours. He knew what you liked and what you didn’t, what made you crumble and cry out.
And now that you’ve gone without him for so long, you’re finding yourself more pent up than ever. A huff of frustration leaves your lips as you try again, again, and again—only to be edged with your release without reaping the benefits of it.
He exhales, twisting the doorknob as he cracks the door open. To no surprise, there you were, sitting on his side of the bed with your hand slipped beneath the fabric of your panties.
You hardly looked horrified at the sight of him, more so desperate if anything. He pulls his tie loose as he takes a few steps towards the bed, his knees finding the plush comforter as he sinks onto his stomach.
“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmurs, almost sounding sympathetic. He runs his hands over your thighs as he hikes them over his shoulders. “Let me see.”
You roll your eyes. “Who’s to say that you deserve to?”
Zayne gives you a look that you know all too well, one that silently reads ‘girl, are you serious?’ And no, you aren’t serious by any means, so you nod your head to give him your permission.
He pulls the damp fabric of your panties to the side, his gaze slimming as he sets eyes on your cunt for the first time in what feels like forever. (It’s been two and a half weeks at most, but you’re both awfully dramatic.)
“I’m sorry,” he speaks into your heat, almost as if he were apologizing to both you and your pussy. He raises his eyes to yours as he flattens his soft tongue to swipe along your wet folds. He moans at the mere taste of you, his grip on your thighs tightening as he pulls you even closer to him. “I had no idea. Truly, baby, I didn’t.”
You whine at the sensation of his gentle voice rumbling against your sensitive skin, your hand delving into his hair. “No idea about—hah—what?”
Zayne takes a moment to reply. His mouth is certainly distracted with the way it’s buried into your soaking cunt while his tongue laps at your inner lips, his nose brushing against your clit with each movement he makes.
“I hadn’t realized I was neglecting your needs,” he clarifies, cracking his eyes open just enough to look at you with hollowed cheeks as he sucks onto your sensitive bundle of nerves.
He releases it with a ‘pop’, his tongue quickly replacing his lips as he curls it in up and down motions that stimulate you in ways you can’t even comprehend. “My girl is too sweet to be treated like that,” he whispers, thumbing at your folds to give himself better access.
One of his hands continues to rub your thighs for some sort of comfort for his behavior, and soon, the other reaches up to take your hand in his own. You squeeze onto it immediately, finding the gesture to be much appreciated.
“So, you
 mmh— you remember I exist after all?” Your words are meant as a joke, but he doesn’t seem to consider them as such with the way he presses a kiss to your clit before pulling away.
“Honey, I’m being serious,” he murmurs, resting his cheek on your thigh. “I’d never want to make it seem like I don’t consider you and your feelings.”
He gives your hand a squeeze before he smiles, adding an earnest, “and truth be told, I’m rather surprised that I’ve gone so long without tasting this pretty pussy of yours,” before he delves right back into eating you out like a man starved.
Zayne hasn’t noticed it until now, but he truly was starving, and not for the lunch that he left on his desk back at Akso Hospital. He wasn’t much for alcohol, but getting drunk on your pussy was one of his favorite pastimes, and he’ll never go this long without doing it again.
He was a man of science, and even then, he would never be able to explain the chemical imbalance that tasting you set off in his brain. Sure, medically speaking, the preoptic area of the brain is what triggers an erection, but what you did to him was far beyond that.
It was safe to say that Zayne was almost as in love with your pussy as he was with you, and judging by the way he’s making out with it right now, you have no doubts about that.
Your head tilts back against the headboard as he reintroduces his middle finger to your entrance, feeling the way your walls clench around it.
“Mm, quite sensitive, are we?” he lowly asks, licking a few swipes at your clit before adding, “Is it because you’ve been using your own hand for quite some time now?”
It’s almost pathetic how quickly you nod, your fingers grasping onto his dark locks as he presses an open-mouthed kiss onto your folds. “It’s the only choice I had,” you whine.
(He makes a mental note to give you his credit card so that you can purchase anything and everything you’ll need in order to satisfy yourself whenever he isn’t around. The fact that he hasn’t thought of that sooner is a problem in and of itself.)
He nods in return, though the movement only invites him to make hard licks at your pussy, collecting your slick on his tongue. His cock is rock hard, but he’ll get his turn soon enough.
Even if his turn never came, he’d be more than happy with this alone—that much was incredibly evident.
“I know it, my love,” he whispers, pressing a kiss on your sensitive clit as he slides another finger into your hole. “Is this alright?”
Your thighs tense up at the sensation, but you nod, tilting your head down to look at him. With your permission, he continues, his tongue swiping at you while his fingers fuck you into oblivion.
When you tilt your head back, he squeezes your thigh. “Eyes down here, I need you to watch closely.”
A sharp whine escaped you as his mouth somehow latched onto your pussy in the time it took you to look at him. He pulls off of you to speak, his lips coated with your arousal. “There will be times like this in which I won’t be able to give you what you need, and as much as it kills me, your pleasure can’t be limited to the times I can have you like this.”
You tilt your head. “What
 what do you mean?”
Zayne nods his head, urging you to tune in. He curls fingers inside of you, hitting your g-spot with each push. “Hm. I suppose I can teach you how to touch yourself a bit more effectively. Would you like that?”
Your hand goes flying to his shoulder as you nod, your teeth pressing down onto your bottom lip. “Hah
 mhm.”
He nods, grasping onto your hand. He presses a few kisses on your knuckles as he guides it to your clit, helping you swirl the pads of your fingers around it in smooth, moan-earning circles. “Very good. You look happier with me already.”
“You’re still a jerk,” you huff.
“I’m sure I have been behaving like one, yes,” he murmurs with a laugh. “Don’t let me off the hook too easily, either. I need to get a few orgasms out of you before you should consider that.”
That sounds perfectly fine to you, so all you do is moan in reply, which makes him smile. He likes to please his woman, and knowing that he hasn’t done a good job of that makes him even more determined to make up for it.
“It’s okay to use two hands, sweet girl,” he continues teaching, tilting his head towards his own hand that was still thrusting two fingers inside of you. “While it may be mine right now, yours will work just the same.”
Something switches inside of you the moment he begins to help you masturbate, his own fingers fucking inside of you while yours stimulate another part of your puffy cunt. You always had a thing for acts of service, but when it came from your boyfriend, you were practically putty in his hands.
“That’s right,” he purrs, a smile tugging on his lips. “Such a pretty girl. Perhaps you just needed to be reminded of how to treat yourself.”
His hazel eyes are still on your face, watching as you pinch in absolute ecstasy, your thighs shaking on his shoulders. “I see that I’ve underestimated you,” he teases, dipping his head to lick at your folds, his tongue brushing against your fingers as he continues to guide the movements of your hand. “It seems like you’re doing just fine for yourself after all.”
You huff, shaking your head. “No, no
 it’s all you.”
Zayne chuckles at that, sucking your fingers that were circling your clit into his mouth before he places them back on your sensitive pearl, giving you a bit more lubricant. “There’s no need to be so hard on yourself, I’m merely helping you. We’re practicing together, sweetheart.”
You almost roll your eyes because the last thing Zayne needed was practice on how to please you. He may have been a bit distracted, but that could never take away from how perfect of a lover he was.
And
 it was difficult not to be hard on yourself when he’s practically taken away your ability to orgasm on your own. With the way he’s making you feel right now, his absence was almost worth it.
Your eyes haze over as you look down at him, a soft moan leaving your lips. “Mmh, ‘m gonna cum,” you choke out.
To that, he nods in understanding. He thumbs apart your folds, leaving you to play with yourself as you please while he dips his head in to lick at your cunt in any way he can, feeling the way you clench around his fingers. “That’s right. Look at you, honey, such a quick learner.”
Zayne grasps onto your thigh with his free hand, pressing a few wet kisses along your inner skin as you come down from your high. Your hand still has a death grip on his hair, but he doesn’t mind it. He knows that he deserves to lose a few strands of hair after how he has left you alone.
You pant, your chest heaving as your body reels from your orgasm. While your vision is blurry, you can still make out the picture of your boyfriend sucking his fingers into his mouth, cleaning them free of your release.
“Mm, you know, the release from an orgasm does much to calm people,” he murmurs, giving your mound a chaste kiss before he rises up to give you one on your forehead. “Do you feel any better, my dear?”
You do feel better, but a part of you, one that you can’t quite shove away, is still yearning for more. Despite that, you nod, brushing your hand along his cheek as he dips his head to give you a kiss.
Sugary and sweet are two words you’d used to describe kissing Zayne, because those were adjectives you’d also use to detail how he always behaves when around you.
He pulls away from the kiss, propping himself up on his elbow above you while he uses his other hand to brush away your hair. “I really am sorry,” he whispers, his voice soft and full of a raw honesty that makes your heart squeeze.
You shake your head with a smile. “I know you didn’t mean to,” you reply. “It’s just
 you made me feel like you didn’t need me, like what I felt was one sided.”
Zayne’s expression seems to soften as he shakes his head. “Of course I need you, I always need you. Your needs are never one-sided, especially not needs of this nature.” He brushes his hand over your cheek. “And I was serious about my endeavors of making it up to you, sweetness. C’mere.”
Before you know it, you’re plucked from your position on the bed and carried to the corner of the bedroom. Zayne takes a seat in the rocking chair positioned there, spinning it around until it faces the body length mirror just in front of the two of you.
He then undresses you entirely, kissing along your thighs, your hips, the curves of your back, on the cheek of your ass—everywhere and anywhere he could. Sure enough, you hear the rattling of his metal belt buckle behind you, and when you glance over your shoulder, his cock is pulled out from the confines of his boxers.
His slacks are still bunched up around his thighs, as are his boxers, but he pays no mind to it. He raises two fingers as he beckons you to sit in his lap, and you do.
Zayne rests one hand on your hip while the other grasps onto his shaft, pumping it in his fist a few times before he smears the head of his cock along your folds, gathering your slick. “The ‘teaching’ is over, but now, I simply want to show you just how much I need you.”
His words stir something within you, and when he leans up to press a kiss on your shoulder, you already feel like your lover is here to live up to his word. “Is that alright?” he asks against your skin, prodding your entrance with his tip.
When you nod, you’re already sinking down, taking him inch by inch until you’re cockwarming his thick length. He smiles at you in the reflection of the mirror, his eyes drifting over your body that he will never forget to worship again.
“So beautiful,” he coos, his hands mapping out the curves of your waist, your hips, your thighs. “Absolutely gorgeous.”
Your cheeks flush at his words. “Thanks.”
Zayne shakes his head. “There’s no need to thank me for speaking the truth,” he whispers. “That’d be like thanking Einstein for developing the theories of special and general relativity—it’s practically a given.”
You aren’t sure where the correlation is, but when one of his hands slips in between your thighs while the other grasps onto one of your breasts, you don’t care about fighting it out.
“Point is, I mean it. Every word,” he adds.
You feel like a goddess being worshiped as his mouth finds your shoulder, the smacking of his lips omitting into the otherwise quiet room as he places open-mouthed kisses on your skin. His middle and ring finger work to toy with your clit, his other hand squeezing onto your breast.
And then
 he begins to rock.
You gasp at the feeling of his cock just barely moving inside of you, your body entirely engulfed in the sensations that he is so eagerly providing you.
“You feel—hah—so, so good,” he whispers against your skin, his lips climbing the curve of your shoulder. His fingers circle your clit at an agonizingly slow pace, and when you place your hand on his to guide his movements, he smiles at you in the reflection. “There’s my girl. Such a quick learner, just like I said.”
You lazily return his smile, your head resting back on his shoulder. He removes his hand from your breast to pluck his glasses from his face, placing them on yours instead.
“My baby is such a smart girl,” he purrs, his lips finding your neck as he admires you. Flushed skin, hair messed up, his glasses resting on your nose. He could come inside you at the sight, but he wants to prolong this. He doesn’t ever want to leave this moment with you. “And so beautiful too. Absolutely ravishing.”
You chuckle at that, though your laughter was interrupted by a soft moan as his fingers pick up the pace as they circle your puffy clit. “You’re
 hah—handsome,” you manage to return.
Zayne chuckles at your words, nodding his head as a silent thank you. He presses another kiss on your shoulder, though he quickly leaves another one once you begin to rock your hips. He sits back, catching a glimpse of how you look when you bounce on his cock.
He grins, his hand finding the swell of your ass as he gives both cheeks a nice squeeze. “We can move back to our bed if you’d prefer, sweetheart. I don’t want you to have to put in any more effort into your pleasure tonight.”
You shake your head, glancing over your shoulder to look at him. “I wanna see you,” you breathe.
“Honey, there are positions—”
He’s interrupted by your hand reaching back to hold his jaw, pulling him up so that he too could see the reflection of you both in the mirror.
And oh, was it a sight.
“I wanna see you,” you repeat.
Zayne is in no position to deny you, so with a nod of approval, his hands find your hips. “At the very least, let me help you.”
The sound of slapping skin and your breathy moans fill the room, his large hands keeping their iron grip on your hip bones while your hands rest on top of his. He peers out from behind you, watching as your tits bounce just as you do, your hair flying messily.
“Pretty baby,” he pants, more to himself in reaction to the mere sight of you. “Such a lucky man you’ve made me, fuck
 take it, baby, yeah. I love you so much, so much
” he babbles, not quite sure what he’s saying, just that he’s speaking whatever graces his mind.
“Oh, I
 I love you too, Zayne,” you gasp.
You whine, grinding your hips in fluid motions as you feel your second orgasm quickly approaching. You were sensitive to begin with, and the feeling of his cock stretching you out was more than enough to bring you here.
“Shit,” he rasps, his head falling back onto the rocking chair as his eyes screw shut. “You take me so well, you fit me so perfectly, baby
 I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna
 oh, shit.”
You weren’t far behind him, and as your movements grow lazier, you opt to sit on his cock entirely as the both of you find your orgasms only second apart.
Ropes of white paint your insides, your cum coating the base of his cock as the two of you become one in a way that you’ve missed so dearly.
Only bliss envelopes the two of you as you slump back onto his chest, his arm wrapping around your waist to hold you close to him. The two of you sit just like that for a moment as you find your breaths that have run off, relishing in the feeling of your combined warmth.
Zayne reaches up to carefully grasp your jaw, turning your head back just enough so that he could kiss you. Your breaths mingle to add to the scent of your love that looms in the air, his other hand running soothing strides along your hip.
“I don’t deserve you,” he breathlessly says with a lovesick grin. “Quite frankly, I don’t. You’re wonderful to me.”
You shake your head, leaning down to kiss him again before he slowly helps you up onto your trembling legs. “Oh, stop that. Just because you’ve been a little caught up with work doesn’t mean that you’re suddenly a bad partner.”
Zayne sweeps you into his arms, carrying you bridal style towards the bathroom. “See? You’re simply too good to me. Such a lovely personality, the most contagious laugh I’ve ever heard, the cutest snores when you sleep, the sweetest pussy in existence
 my dream girl in all capacities.”
You smile as he sets you down, pressing a kiss onto your forehead as he crosses the room to draw you a shower to your liking. Warm—not cold, but not hot enough to the point that your skin tingles. He’s had plenty of practice in this area, and he’s gotten it down to a science by now.
“I do not snore,” you murmur, shaking your head.
As he peels off his clothes, discarding them without care on the bathroom tile. He extends his hand to you to invite you inside the shower behind him. “Mhm, sure you don’t.”
You scoff, tipping the toilet seat shut. “You can tease me for my snoring once you, my 27-year-old man, master the art of putting the damn seat down.”
“
Oops.”
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note. my dr. zayne would never forget to please his woman! but i really liked the concept sooooo :3 it was rly difficult for me to write him lol the dialogue might suuuuuckkkk but i hope i did him justice < 3 thank you for reading, interact if you enjoyed !!!
i ALSO kinda wanna do a similar version of this with sylus except
 not nearly as gentle ig?? would you be interested??? do let me know.
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eyes-like-the-night · 2 years ago
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I spent the past few years trying to have a better relationship with my dad and it’s currently absolutely in shambles
(My mom is kinda thriving though because she hates my dad and I get it now so when I’m really frustrated she listens and reminds me that yeah he hasn’t changed since she divorced him)
#so many times lately there’s things said and nothing more#or actively pushing against#im barely working#having to pull $900 out of savings in 10 days because health and now im actively missing out on work#dad said he’d cover it#oh but bc it’s out off network but all he’s ever told me was send an itemized bill#but NOW won’t pay it because of that#only got told YESTERDAY they won’t help if it’s not through insurance#so im fucked on That#oh and that $900 is normally dropped I’d say week to two week basis by my dad on comics#like it’s pocket change#also been asking for a digitizing program for sewing#have not gotten it#instead got me something off Amazon that I can’t even use#‘well you didn’t tell me what specifically’ I have and I was also very sick when you asked and treated it like that was my only time to#give a response when he KNEW I was sick#’oh you’re sick all the time’ YEAH I GO OUT AND HAVE A LIFE WHEN I CAN#I feel like I’m being punished for not moving completely across the country after having just moved under a year ago half across the country#I moved Kansas to Florida my dad wanted me to move all the way to Seattle area because at the time I was stressing about potentially having#to move out#moving back to a parent isn’t what I want#it would feel like admitting I couldn’t be away from any family#like pushing constantly and saying it’s an ‘option’ even when I said multiples leaving the area wasn’t an option#oh also initially said he would help me get a place out here#then took weeks of being evasive before I had to ask if I was getting help but no because ‘the market isn’t good’#I had to pry that answer out#like also telling me tanz wasn’t a good use of money#I apparently cant go through scary health time without having some mental thing too#all I can is say I’m greatful for my roomie doing the most to help me rn with all this#this isn’t even the time he casually said I was an accident or brushes under the rug how severe the family mental health is
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catchastarorten · 20 days ago
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—More than anything.
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Pairing: Cho Sang-woo x lover!fem!reader
Summary: You had supported him through everything, but when you fell sick, he couldn't save you because of debt, so he participated in the games. The blood, the violence, it was all worth it because it was all for you, but he still couldn’t save you, even after winning.
Warnings: angst, illness, death, grief/loss, mentions of violence, guilt/sacrifice, emotional distress, Sang-woo won the games in this au, english isn't my first language, mistakes should be present, sorry!
Word count: ~ 1.9k
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The first time you met Sang-woo, it was in the bustling hallways of Seoul National University, your books pressed against your chest as he nearly toppled over you in his haste. Apologies poured out of him, flustered but composed, but it was the soft smile that followed that made you pause. You didn’t know it then, but that clumsy encounter would change both of your lives forever.
From that moment, he had become everything to you. And soon enough, you realized you were everything to him too. Sang-woo was the kind of man who always seemed in control of himself. But with you, that cool demeanor softened. He would laugh more, touch your hand absentmindedly, watch you as if you were the only thing in the world worth looking at.
You supported each other through the tough years at university. His mind was brilliant—quick, sharp, and endlessly determined. It wasn’t hard to see why he was the pride of his family, the hope of his mother. He was going to do great things, you always believed that, and you reminded him every chance you got.
Sang-woo always spoke of a future where he’d be successful, where his mother would never have to work a day in her life again. And somewhere in that future—he said with a tentative smile—was you.
Years passed, and the challenges of adulthood crept in. Sang-woo’s ambitions, once so pure and noble, became entangled in desperation as he fell into debt. It started small—a few bad investments, a loan here and there, promises that he’d make it all back soon. But soon, the debts piled into something worse, a mess that loomed over both of your lives.
He had so much promise, so much potential, and you wanted to see him succeed. So when he started to falter—when the world wasn’t as kind, when the debts began to gather up, and his once-unshakable confidence began to fracture—you did what you thought any partner would do. You helped him.
You saw the way the guilt ate away at him. He tried to hide it, but you knew him too well.
“I’ll pay off this part for now,” you’d told him gently, holding the bank statement in your hand. He had stared at you, his expression tight, his hands gripping the edge of the table so hard his knuckles turned white.
“No,” he had said firmly. “You’ve done enough. I should be the one taking care of you, not the other way around.”
But you didn’t care about that. You knew he felt ashamed, that his pride was bleeding, but you loved him too much to let him drown. “Sang-woo,” you whispered, reaching out to place your hand over his. “I’m doing this because I want to. Because I believe in you.”
He looked at you like you were his lifeline, the only light in his darkening world. He kissed your hand and said nothing more, but no matter how much you reassured him, the guilt lingered. He began to withdraw, the weight of his mistakes crushed him.
Then, as if the universe wasn’t cruel enough, you fell ill. It started with fatigue and a persistent ache in your chest. You brushed it off at first, telling yourself that it was just stress, but when the symptoms worsened, you finally went to the hospital.
The diagnosis was a gut punch. The doctors spoke in clinical terms, but all Sang-woo heard at the moment was that it was serious. You needed treatment, the treatment was possible, but expensive.
The hospital bills mounted quickly. You had always lived sparingly, but this was different. The treatment you needed was far beyond what either of you could afford, especially with Sang-woo already drowning in debt. You had tried to remain strong, tried to reassure him even when your body weakened and the days became harder to endure.
But Sang-woo wasn’t strong. At least not in the way you were. He didn't want to put up the pretense of having a "perfect" reputation anymore, he just wanted you.
One night, as you lay in your hospital bed, pale and shivering despite the blankets covering you, he dropped to his knees beside you. He gripped your hand so tightly it hurt, his head bowed, his shoulders shaking.
“I’ll get the money,” he said, his voice trembling with determination. “I’ll find a way. I promise.”
You looked at him then, really looked at him, and for the first time, you saw the man you loved falling apart. His face was gaunt, his eyes bloodshot, guilt and desperation consuming him.
“Sang-woo,” you whispered, your heart breaking for him. For both of you. “I’ll be okay... don’t do anything reckless.”
But he shook his head, his jaw set in that stubborn way you’d come to know so well. He pressed his lips to your forehead, a lingering, desperate kiss.
“I’ll come back,” he said. “With the money. Just hold on for me.”
You wanted to believe him, but as you watched him walk away, a part of you knew that he was heading down a dangerous path.
At first, you tried to think light. You thought he had simply left to clear his head. Maybe he was meeting someone to talk about loans or some other last-ditch effort to save you. But then the days turned into weeks, and Sang-woo didn’t return.
You tried calling him, but his phone went unanswered. You asked the nurses, his mother, even some of his old university friends, but no one had seen him. You didn’t know whether to be angry, scared, or heartbroken. All you knew was that he wasn’t here, and you were running out of time.
The nurses came and went, offering kind smiles and gentle reassurances, but it wasn’t enough. What you needed—what you wanted—was him, by your side.
You missed his voice, his laugh, the way he’d hold your hand and promise you that everything would be okay. You told yourself that he was out there fighting for you, but as the days stretched on, doubt began to creep in.
In your quieter moments, you wondered if he’d given up on you. If the burden had become too much and he just left without a trace. But deep down, you knew Sang-woo. You knew how much he loved you, how determined he could be. He’d find a way back to you. He had to.
In your final days, you thought about him often. You tried to convince yourself that he had a plan, that he would come rushing through the hospital doors at any moment with that look on his face, telling you everything was going to be okay, that you could heal properly now. But he didn’t.
Instead, you were left with an empty chair by your bedside, your heart aching with the absence of the man you loved more than anything in the world.
On the last night, you couldn’t fight the tears anymore. You whispered into the quiet room—“I just wish you were here.” Your voice cracked, and you closed your eyes, letting the exhaustion finally take over. You dreamed of him one last time—of the way he smiled when you first met, of his hand in yours, of the warmth that had once filled your life.
What you didn’t know—what you couldn’t know—was what Sang-woo was enduring.
He had entered the games through a salesman with a suitcase and a card with a number on the back. The games were a deadly competition where the stakes were higher than anything he’d ever faced. Life and death were decided in brutal, messed up versions of childhood games.
At first, he told himself he was doing it for you, for the money that could save your life. But as the games progressed, as blood stained his hands and the faces of those he’d sacrificed haunted his dreams, the lines began to blur.
How much of himself was he willing to lose to save you?
Every decision, every betrayal he made, weighed on him. He thought of you constantly, your smile a light in the darkness. When he felt the weight of his actions crushing him, he clung to the hope that he could still save you. That he could win, come back to you, and make everything right, no matter how exhausted he was, no matter how much pain he had to endure, it was all for you. Because how could he call himself a man—your man—if he couldn't even keep you by his side? If he couldn't even get the money to save you and have you in his arms again, healthy and full of life?
When Sang-woo finally emerged from the games, clutching the blood money that was counted from each of the lifeless bodies of the other players, he felt hollow. His actions, the lives he’d taken, the people he’d betrayed—all of it threatened to suffocate him. But he pushed it aside. None of it mattered now. All that mattered was you.
He rushed to the hospital, his heart pounding in his chest. He imagined the look on your face when he walked through the door, how you’d smile and tell him that he’d always been your hero. And for the first time since the games, he smiled. He smiled.
But when he reached your room, he froze, and everything inside him seemed to shatter.
You were still, too still. Your chest didn't rise or fall, your lips were pale, and your eyes—those eyes he had loved so much—were closed forever.
The nurse had pity in her eyes as she approached him. "I'm sorry... she passed away a few hours prior. We... we tried calling you, but..."
“No,” he choked out, he staggered to your bedside, falling to his knees onto the mattress of the bed, his hands reaching for you. “No, no, no
 please, no
”
He pulled you into his arms, cradling your lifeless body as tears streamed down his face. “Wake up,” he begged, his voice breaking. “Please, wake up. I have the money now. I did it. I got it for you. You can get better now. Please, just
 open your eyes.”
But you didn't. You couldn't.
“I got the money,” he whispered, tears falling from his eyes. “I have it. We can pay for your treatment now. You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay
”
Sang-woo's hand trembled as he cupped your face. Your skin was cold to the touch, a stark contrast to the warmth he remembered. He pressed his forehead to yours, the card that contained all the prize money laid forgotten on the floor, a cruel reminder of what he had to sacrifice to save you—of the blood, the death, and the lives he had destroyed in those games. He had told himself it was all for you, that he could endure anything if it meant seeing you smile again. But now, as he held your cold body in his arms, he realized it had all been for nothing.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “I’m so, so sorry. I should’ve been here. I should’ve stayed with you. I thought
 I thought I could save you.”
He had done everything he could to save you, but in the end, it wasn’t enough. And now, he was left with nothing, because you had been his everything.
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pseudowho · 9 months ago
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Behind the Wall
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Who was this stressed, suited man...and how could you love him so easily?
A Higuruma Hiromi glory-hole story.
Warnings: 18+, MDNI, feral smut and falling in love with a stranger.
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You knew him only as the man in the black and white suit. You had only seen the briefest glimpse of his clothes through your glory hole, after all.
"I don't normally-- I've never done this before...not that kind of guy--" he apologised, on the other side of the wall. His voice was smooth, deep and kind. You felt a little bubble of affection in your belly already.
"...well...I'm not that kind of girl," you teased, peeking a single come hither beckoning finger out of the glory hole, inviting him to your mouth, "...but something's got to pay the bills."
You heard the man's breath hitch, a shudder. You heard him unzip himself, and you settled on your knees, wiggling in anticipation. Waiting for a job to come up in a legal office was long...and while this wasn't the best use of your Law degree, you couldn't help but feel the thrill of doing something so sordid.
A cock, only half-hard and uncertain, but still so long, thick and pink-tipped beneath his silky foreskin, was eased gently through the hole. His voice sounded worried for you on the other side, and you pressed your fingers over your mouth, suppressing a smile.
"I'm...I'm not sure-- are you...are you sure?" The man in the suit stuttered. You leaned forwards, ghosting your lips over his cockhead, and the man gasped and moaned, a little trickle of salty pre-cum wetting your lips;
"Shhhh...you sound stressed," you cooed, "and I enjoy this, too. So let's have some fun." You held his length in your hand, and were satisfied to hear him whine and tremble, the dull knock of his hands and a knee pressing against the other wall. His cock swelled in your hand, twitching, and you rolled your thumb over his wet cockhead beneath the stretching hood of his foreskin.
"--so-- so stressed," he whined, pleading and begging you, "...you don't even... don't even know how bad...how bad my week has been..." His moans fractured as you began to pump his cock with your hand, from ball to tip, and he rutted forwards into your fist, "...haven't cum...can't remember the last time...so long...haaaah fuck, perfect, pleasepleaseplease, feels so good..."
"Yeah?" You whispered, bottom lip between your teeth, eyes closed as you drank down his little moans and gasps, purring at him, "Does that feel good? You sound desperate, baby. I bet you work so hard."
He whimpered into the affection; "--g-god yeah...feels amazing...your hand, fuck-- work so hard, s--so so hard...not got...don't have...have anyone, shit-- ohhhh-hhhhh--hh not gonna...not gonna last..."
You felt his cum-tight balls as you reached through, pulling them gently through the hole to massage them at the base of his cock. Your man cried out, all strained whimpers and cursing, and you heard his fingernails scrape against the other side of the wall; "Tell me what you want, beautiful stressed boy...how can I help you?"
"--spit--spit on my cock pleasepleaseplease in your mouth, pl--" He broke off into delirious shudders to feel your hot little mouth slick tightly around his cockhead, squeezing your lips into a tight ring, and using them to push his foreskin down as you sucked him into your mouth. With your tongue cupping his length while you sucked, bobbing your mouth around him, smooth and tasting his little spurts of pre-cum, his moans shot straight through you.
You hadn't felt as aroused as this, pleasuring a client before, but something about his frantic, begging desperation set your clit throbbing. Your hand drifted lazily between your legs, slipping between your glossy wet folds, rolling your clit under two fingers. You moaned around his length, and he cried out, cock throbbing, close to the edge.
Pulling your mouth back, and jacking off his red, aching cock with your spit and fist, you whispered, just loud enough for him to hear; "You sound so pretty, you've even got me touching myself--"
That was the last straw; your man in the rumpled suit came with a bark, sandy curses and whimpers. You took him back into your mouth, feeling heavy pulses of seed spilling out onto your tongue, flooding your mouth-- it obviously had been a long time for him.
"--arrrrghh god yes, shit, thank you-- so perfect, fuck, thank you-- oh ffff--ffuuuck in your mouth too...you're too good-- don't deserve-- dont deserve you--...haaaah...ahhhhh..."
You heard the wall tremble as your man came down from his high. His ears ringing, he vaguely heard your swallow. A weak whimper left him, and you giggled as another spurt of cum dampened your lips. You licked him clean, leaving him shivering with overstimulation, before placing a sweet little kiss to his cockhead.
"...come see me again?"
"F-fuck yes, absolutely-- absolutely."
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You had barely worked that week, lost in job-hunting, coming up empty-handed at every turn. It was five days before you made it back to the glory hole, happily receiving a generous payment, and wondering vaguely about your stressed, lonely man in the rumpled suit. You settled in your booth; it took him just a few minutes to find you.
"...is it...is it you?" He asked tentatively. You grinned, nudging yourself forwards on your knees, just out of eyesight behind the gloryhole. You blushed, shaking yourself off as being ridiculous.
"...do you mean me?" You offered. You heard his sigh of delight. He laughed, a deep, rich sound.
"I worried I'd scared you away," he teased. You heard him start to unzip himself, before hesitating, "Uhm...can we...?"
"Quick," you whispered conspiratorially, "put something in my mouth before I start talking at you." He laughed again, a sound that sent flutters of butterflies through your tummy. His cock, already rock-hard and glistening at the tip, was pressed through the hole. You reached through to cup his balls, softly bringing them through. He shuddered; he had clearly been hoping you'd cup his sensitive balls for him again.
"You like it when I do this...?" You teased, rolling his heavy balls in one palm. Hearing him groan, and sigh with relief into your touch, you leaned your cheek against the wall, admiring the weight of him in your hand as you massaged him.
"...I...never knew I did, but...you're so good at it...shit, feel like I could cum-- cum just from that--"
"Hush," you mocked him, just to hear his shaking laugh again, "you deserve so much more than that." Taking his cock into your mouth, determined to take him into your throat this time, you revelled in the dulcet tones of him falling apart inside your hot little mouth again. You swirled your tongue around his cockhead, swiping into his leaking slit, suckling, examining, measuring him with your throat.
Your stressed man bucked involuntarily to feel his blunt cockhead stroke the back of your throat, and you gagged, swallowing around him. He wasn't able to last long, feeling the sides of your throat stretch around his leaking cock.
"--haaa--aaahhhhh fuck'msosorry...feel s'good...like this...haaahh fuckkkk....do you...do you like to read?"
Your throat convulsed around his length, sputtering as you burst into laughter. Your rumpled man convulsed too, swearing and stuttering as his orgasm hit him like a bus. You tried to catch his cum in your hand and mouth, but knelt, still laughing, his seed dripping down your cheeks as he groaned, bucking forwards, cock bounding thick spatters of seed onto you.
"...do I like to read?" You laughed, masturbating him to bring him down from his high. He whimpered into your wall again, a sound which was gradually conditioning you, into pussy-aching wetness.
"...I'm sorry, I...I just...fucking ignore me, I'm an idiot, I just..."
You laughed again, the twinkling sound shooting through him like daggers.
"...just...wanted to get to know you," he mumbled, and you could hear the mortified little pout through the wall.
You couldn't wait to see your rumpled man again. You didn't know how you resisted looking through the hole at him as he walked away. You called after him, and heard his footsteps hesitate for a moment, before he snorted with mirth.
"I love to read!"
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"I want...to try something different this time. Please."
Your rumpled man sounded hoarse. His voice was tight, clipped. You could feel the stress pounding off him in waves, through your little window to him.
"...what would you like?" You answered, as if to a lover, not a client.
"Can you...can you come to the other window, instead?"
Ah...the gloryhole for fucking. A little flat bench where your ass, pussy and legs could lay, your body separated by a wall and curtain. Your eyelids fluttered to imagine the cock you knew well by now, stretching your pussy open, your mystery man clutching your thighs as he fucked into you. You imagined those desperate whimpers and moans for your cunt, instead of your mouth, and it made you throb.
"I mean...I don't normally..." you hesitated, feeling a twang of regret to disappoint him.
"No," he urged, sounding so fractious and desperate, "not that. I promise, not that. You...another time. Another way. I want...want to eat you out. Please."
You faltered again, arguing with him; "This is meant to be about you, not me, I'll take care of you--"
"Trust me," he begged, his palms flat on the wall now, "...this...this is what I need. I mean it. Please. Please."
God knew you couldn't resist his begging. You felt a trickle of arousal seep out of you, dampening your panties. The thought of that groaning mouth around your clit set you on fire.
"Well...alright then. If you insist." You moved round to the next window, and heard him follow, pacing and predatory. You shimmied out of your panties, swallowing thickly before you crept your ass and legs out of the window, down the table. When you settled, legs open, feeling so exposed, his palms held your thighs. You heard him curse under his breath.
"Fuck...you're beautiful." Your man said it so sincerely, in that lusty-low voice, that you blushed, your hands over your face as you lay on your back. You felt your thighs confidently lifted, draped over strong, broad shoulders. His voice was deep, hungry.
"...hope you've got something to hold onto, back there, my love."
Fuck, how you saw stars. You cried out in genuine bliss as he sunk his face between your folds. You tried climbing up desperately on your elbows to see him, but were woefully obscured by a black curtain. You could feel a powerful, prominent nose bridge nuzzling across your clit, that clever tongue plunging into your hole.
Those familiar groans, husky whispers and moans, were now muffled by your pussy. Your rumpled man was drinking the life out of you, making you twist and writhe, sucking your clit into his mouth with such force that you instinctively shied away up the couch. He gripped your thighs, yanking them back over his shoulders as you squeaked. He growled, sinking his prominent front teeth into the soft inner squish of your thighs.
"No. Get back here so I can fuck you with my mouth." You sobbed against the pleasure, your toes curling against the backs of his shoulders. Crying out as he shook his head from side-to-side with a rusty growl, you twitched and jerked, having never felt yourself dragged to orgasm so forcefully.
"Oh my fuc--fucking god, you're so good at that-- oh fuck don't stop-- don't stop don'tstopdon'tstoppleasepleaseplease--"
You didn't need to beg to make him continue. Already feeling on the edge of a savage high, you felt three long fingers, bunched together and lubricated with his own spit, plunge into your hole. A high, keening cry left you, and he found your soft spot immediately, fucking his fingertips against your belly.
"--thassit--fucking amazing...beautiful girl, c'mon...deserve the best, shit--"
One final suck of your clit into his mouth had you rolling over the edge. Silence rang from the other active booths around you, the clients and girls listening in awe as you moaned and whimpered your way through the most spectacular orgasm you'd ever felt. Your hands plunged past the curtain into his hair, tugging on it, thick and silky between your fingers.
Your rumpled man was groaning, whimpering, those familiar sounds you knew he only made when he came. Ths silence rang loudly through the booths, as you both came down from your highs.
One little voice from somewhere across the room; "...fucking hell." A few smattered laughs, and the slow sounds of others continuing their work of mouths and hands. You were dazed, lost on cloud nine, panting. Your hands came back to you, some inky black strands caught between your fingers. That familiar voice between your legs, so much less tense now.
"...so, uh...reckon I could get a job here? Do I pass the interview?"
You couldn't help how you laughed.
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"...have you...do you see anyone else...apart from me?"
Why did you feel so guilty?
"I...I do, yeah. No regulars though. And nobody I actually enjoy, like...like you." It was true. Your goofy, stressed, rumpled man had ruined you for anyone else. You felt a jealous prickle from him on the other side of the wall.
"...I....do you have to keep doing this?" He pleaded with you.
"...well...can't find any legal secretary jobs, so--"
"Excuse me?"
You faltered. Had you said something wrong? You began to repeat yourself, but he interrupted you.
"All this time...I'm a-- I'm a lawyer," he choked out, and you ran cold, stunned. You laughed nervously.
"...so that's why you're so stressed." He laughed with you, swearing quietly to himself.
"I'm sure..." he offered, sly and sincere, "...I'm sure we could do with another legal secretary."
You knelt, stunned, your mouth dry and heart pounding in anticipation. You heard him speak again.
"Listen... how about you come out here, and say hello properly...and I take you out for dinner? No strings, no expectations, just...dinner."
You were silent. He begged.
"Please...I've got to see you. Please."
Trembling, pulling your clothes on, you acquiesced. Before stepping out from behind the back curtain, your shaking voice joked; "Well, you asked for it...drumroll please."
You laughed to hear him patter two hands rapidly on the wall. You stepped out.
Tall. Black-haired. Hooked-nosed. Hangdog-eyed. And, staring into you, as if you were a goddess made flesh. You had never felt so beautiful. He turned, and blushed, his hands cupping his mouth and nose as he looked towards the ceiling. He groaned, mortified at his past behaviour.
"...you never told me you were so lovely."
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