#word. an the sad part is. i dont even cut anymore.

[theviolinsoothes]

I appreciate my people regardless, the one who were in position for a reason or the new ones. The ones who didn't wanna eat and the ones who did. I never wanted my originals to lose or the ones after who learned. It shows you were trying to show why we had a lot an appreciated it. Almost confusing them but not letting them know it was you. An the craziest part is. I didn't quit on them. Didn't quit on the fact that I have a mole on the other side. I just can't get back into my last Tumblr. An the sad part is. I don't even wanna shake it off but I got him like that an its engrained but if I did blow it's probably clear up shit or smoked. I even ran an felt peace but I wanted to move into my own house. I get that. But my own shit own zone the energy speaks for itself and everything else follows. That's not bad. That's me showing that I cared just like the ones I confused. Realizing I had all this support and I made it about a girl when it was about her and everything else. Literally. I just caused a lot of things to occur but believed it'd be fine. An you can't hate that they sounded like coco. That don't mean she had to lose. But why did they do that. When they coulda talked it out. Ive empowered just like Ive seen things fall. I've watched things burn just like ive watched people. I guess I wanted to say people but I guess understanding the beauty in that and that even understanding is respect to some extent. I ain't mad an I'm not even in that mode at this point. If I am I hope I wake up cause I didn't need her in that mode anymore. But everything happens for a reason but when you have some come in who had resentment the entire way down it makes it hard to work with. But even seeing some shit prior an understanding how it linked I was a kid in some situations an didn't even realize thing would link. Word to my cousin. I'm not sad but it confirmed and I didn't take his brain. Funniest thing about. I didn't lie word to Selena hell word to enok word to Greek mythology. If they think I'm snitching word. What's wild. I don't think my people lost. Gave people a in. Gave some a chance to live and show their worth. While realizing things were in order for a reason. Villains were villains and heroes were heros but you believed in the concept of them eating together and working together which was balance. But some hated being the villain. When the sad part is you felt like this life you couldn't even be the hero. I could feel pain like somebody is literally getting hurt. An the sad part is I can't even do anything about it. In a enemy territory supposedly an the sad part about it no gun. But that's life. When supposedly they all your people. An suicide ain't a option

[faetima]

THE AVEN + HANAHAKI THING YESSS I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR SO LONG BECAUSE LIKE. I know it's always super angsty when it's the reader that gets hanahaki but rine having it. imagine pushing your s/o away because you don't think you can do a relationship rn just to get hit by the stupid idiot in love disease. damn sucks to be you man

(tbh hanahaki as fun as the angst is I love aventurine so much and usually just alter hanahaki to be like less deadly because a) I DONT WANT TO BE SAD and b) the whole guilt of "I developed hanahaki because of you now love me or I WILL die" feels strange to me)(but also yum angst and the consequences of pushing someone away) ((sorry I talk a lot teehee okay bye))

𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫. 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠. .

. . too bad he wasn't your darling anymore.

// tws ; slight cursing, blood ; gn reader ; modern au, hanahaki au 

a/n: finally wrote the aventurine exes hanahaki au lol ,, had no idea how to finish this but i might make a part 2 !! :3

ever since you had started dating aventurine, you felt like you were a burden to him in some way. but you were never sure if you were actually a burden to him, or if that was your mind playing tricks on you.

but last week had just solidified your beliefs.

you both had fought over something petty--you couldn't be bothered to remember what it was--and harsh words had been thrown around in the process.

words that cut deep into you, practically making you bleed out.

and after that?

aventurine had ignored you for the rest of the entire week. he hadn't even glanced in your direction. it was fine if he needed some space to think, but he didn't even tell you, he just started fucking ignoring you.

your efforts to talk to him had just been met by blank uninterested violet eyes.

everything that happened in the last week had all led up to yesterday.

you stood in front of his door, swallowing your nerves. why were you so nervous?

after everything that happened, everything you felt, everything he said, you didn't think you could handle a relationship at that point.

so, when aventurine answered the door, his blonde hair unruly and lavender eyes tired, you took a deep breath and finally said the words you had been so scared of saying.

"i want to break up."

--

now, you were rethinking your decision.

on one hand, it felt like a large weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

on the other hand, breaking up with him had left you in your current predicament: crouched on the cold tiled floor of your apartment, hurling up bright yellow marigolds. you coughed them up, unwillingly watching as they hit your newly polished floor. they hit the ground ungracefully, clumped together with a disgusting mixture of mucus and blood. you gagged on the flowers as the sickly sweet smell of the marigolds hit you, making you feel lightheaded and sick to your stomach.

you didn't think you would get the disease again after aventurine asked you out.

you had it once, albeit briefly. it was before you had even talked to aventurine, too scared to do so. maybe it had been your shyness, or maybe you were just scared of rejection. you weren't too sure which, but it had caused you to cough out a few lemon yellow petals.

but, as quickly as the disease had started, it had ended. aventurine talked to you and started getting close to you, and your hanahaki had eventually diminished into nothing. after that, you thought it would never start again.

but you guessed you were wrong, since the disease decided to plague you.

marigold petals--slick with mucus--fell out your mouth as you coughed your lungs out. they fell almost gracefully onto the small flower pile.

you took fast and shaky breaths, collapsing. you were too exhausted to move, the hanahaki sucking all the life out of you.

--

it had been a week now, and the disease had just gotten worse. at this rate, it would only take a month or two until you suffocated on the fucking marigolds.

you could talk to aventurine, but he would probably just ignore you again.

you could get the surgery, but you would rather die than forget aventurine. you still loved him.

at this point, you couldn't do anything but hope that the disease would just somehow go away.

--

aventurine was growing increasingly worried as the days passed.

he hadn't seen you at all after you had broken up. sure, that was normal, but his gut told him something was wrong.

horrible thoughts of what could've happened to you plagued his mind, and he couldn't take it anymore.

he grabbed his keys, his coat, and headed towards your apartment.

maybe it was an invasion of privacy, but even your friends felt as if something were terribly wrong. he'd just check on you once, and never speak to you again. you'd be okay with that, right?

--

aventurine had knocked about a dozen times by now, but had received no answer.

he swallowed. he still had a spare key to your apartment, but what if you didn't want him to come in? what if you were just busy? what if he was breaching your privacy?

he took a shaky inhale.

fuck it.

--

he stepped inside your apartment, and was hit by the extremely potent smell of marigolds.

he glanced around, and froze at what he saw.

[judebelle]

Gavi breaking up with the reader bc he needs space and stuff and she takes it really hard and it affects her a lot but he realizes he was wrong for it and gets her back. Just a lot of angst but fluff ending plssss. You are the bestttt

rekindled - p.g. x reader

authors note : thank you guys for the love on my recent posts, and for sending in requests. psa, the more requests i get, the more motivated i am and the more i post!

cw : just heart wrenching angst for the most part, but it gets fluffy dwww!!, swearing, sad :(

wc : 2.3k

pairing : pablo gavi x fem!reader

---

“i just don’t have the time for you anymore!”

his words truly devastated you, tearing apart the delicate threads of your heart. couldn’t he at least try? why was he just giving up?

“i don’t understand why we can’t just try to work it out, pablo! we could compromise, we can even make a schedule.. we could make it work!”

it seemed like only you were really trying, and he seemed eager to end this relationship. over what? a busy schedule? you felt useless, standing in his empty home, the echoes of your voices ringing in your ears. it was as if you were singlehandedly trying to stop a sinking ship from descending deep into the dark and bottomless blue.

“it’s not that easy, y/n! i have a lot on my plate! between football practices and matches, i barely have time for myself anymore. and then adding on this relationship, i need to make time for you as well! its too much. i know you wouldn't understand but-"

"i wouldn't understand? what is that supposed to mean? there are two people in this relationship. and it's not like i sit around all day and do nothing! i also have my own things to do! you make it seem like i am so high maintenance, like i'm too much for you to handle!"

you were growing increasingly angry as the argument progressed. how little did he think of you?

"you know that's not what i meant.."

you sniffled, "i dont think i know you at all anymore."

---

it had been a week since the break up.

you tried not to let it affect you too much, but his absence left a crater in your heart you were left too weak to fill.

the breakup casted a shadow over the once vibrant hues of your life. you found yourself dealing with the aftermath of shattered love. you were picking up the shattered pieces of your heart, the sharp glass cutting through the skin of your hands. you felt the pain during tearful nights when sleep also abandoned you, and in the empty spaces that once resonated with shared laughter.

the breakup left an indelible mark on you.

you didn't call anybody. you just sat at home. it was like pablo's words became your new reality, now you were truly sitting around all day and doing nothing.

you hadn't heard from him at all, thanking the universe knowing that if you did, it would be too much on your aching heart.

---

one month had passed.

you were finally feeling like yourself again. yes, you missed his warm embrace and touching words, but you learned to live without it.

you couldn't depend on someone to be the sole reason for your happiness. you still loved him, and you always will, but fuck did he cut deep.

---

pablo's pov

pablo found himself grappling with an unexpected wave of regret.

the relentless demands of his busy life had driven a wedge between the two of you, leaving him to confront the harsh reality of what he had lost.

pablo now spent the time he would've spent with you alone, in his home. he didn't hang out with friends. he didn't go out for dinner, just ordered food to his house. he felt lonely and bored without you.

how ironic.

the void left by your absence became easily recognizable to everyone around him, and he began to yearn for the warmth of your shared moments.

but pablo kept the painful truth of your breakup to himself, unable to utter the words aloud to anyone.

"hey bro, what's on your mind?"

he felt an arm drape across his shoulders, startling him from his thoughts.

pablo was at barcelona's training grounds, and didn't realize his slumped posture and absentminded features were noticeable to anyone but him.

pedro was walking next to him, his arm slung around the back of his neck.

"hola?? what's up with you?" pedro was insisting on finding out why his close friend was acting so strange.

"sorry, just tired.. didn't get much sleep last night." in all honesty, he hadn't. he spent most of his night lying awake, thinking of how badly he had messed up. his screen time was through the roof, scrolling through your feed and posts, reminiscing on what was once his, about the warm soul that would sleep next to him in this very bed.

"ai, don't lie now. you know i can see right through you. what's wrong, bro?" pedro wasn't giving up, pestering pablo on his silence.

pablo gulped and turned to his friend, "i.. i messed up bad bro, like really bad..".

he didn't elaborate further, unable to bring himself to come to terms with what he had done.

"uhh, that's cool and all, but it would be helpful if you explained, man. i can't help you if you dont tell m-"

"i broke up with y/n."

pablo shut his mouth after, the words leaving the bitter taste of regret in his mouth. he might've said that too loudly, causing some staff members and teammates to look his direction.

pedro didn't seem to believe it, raising his eyebrow at the boy.

"you what? wha... when?"

everyone who knew pablo knew that he was absolutely smitten with you. you were always on his mind, and he was quick to talk about you if he had the chance. it annoyed his friends sometimes, but it was cute how much he loved you.

the fact that he had broken up with you was appalling.

"around a month ago.." pablo confessed, his hands hidden behind his back like a guilty child. "i told her i was too busy to focus on our relationship, and i told her that i needed to focus on my career. it's honestly a load of bullshit. i think i was just stressed and took it out on her."

pedro's confusion was evident, his eyebrows drawn together.

"i don't understand, bro. your schedule was never an issue for you before. and why didn't you tell me? i could've, i don't know, been there for you!"

it was like pablo was being scolded, and he really did deserve it. he'd lost you because of his own stress and poor time management. you didn't deserve to suffer because of him.

"pablo, what were you thinking? i mean, i can't believe it! i would've never expected you to- okay, i'm sorry.." pedro stopped his lecturing upon seeing his friend growing increasingly upset. "my advice to you is to go apologize. and not just a quick 'sorry', but a good one. get her flowers, chocolate - i don't know, whatever chicks like. just go say sorry."

pablo looked up at his friend, hesitation on his features. "what if she doesn't take me back? w-what would i do then?" he stuttered. he was worried you would realize how big of an asshole he was, and how much he didn't deserve you.

"i mean, i wouldn't blame her," pedro smiled teasingly. "but i know y/n pretty well, she would understand." he laid a comforting hand on pablo's shoulder. "don't sweat it bro, it'll all be okay."

---

your pov

you were currently sprawled across your couch, stuffing popcorn in your mouth as you binged a show you had already seen a million times.

the bell rang.

that hadn't happened in a while. the unfamiliar sound rang in your head before you pulled yourself up from your comfortable position, walking to the door. you yanked the door open, popcorn still in your mouth.

you looked up to see the man you thought you'd never see again.

"..hola.." he whispered before sending you a soft smile. you froze in your spot. not knowing what to do as you weren't expecting this at all.

it was like you'd turned cold from shock. you acted before you thought, slamming the door on his face. you scrambled to fixed your hair and finish chewing your popcorn.

giving yourself a moment to breathe and think, you quickly opened the door again, worried he might leave. surprisingly, he was still standing there, waiting for you.

"can i come in?"

---

you let him in, of course. how could you not?

he walked in with a hunched back. his feet dragged against the floor wearily.

you told him to sit on the couch and wait as you grabbed two waters, one for him, and one for you.

the unexpected arrival of pablo, whom you thought had become a distant echo of the past, sent tremors through the newly rebuilt walls around your heart.

is there a possibility of rekindling what was once lost?

you finally dragged yourself out of the kitchen and back into the living room to where pablo was sitting with his legs shaking anxiously and his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. there were still popcorn crumbs on the couch, the halfway eaten bowl of it placed on the table across from the paused movie displayed on the tv.

oh, how you wish he warned you before showing up at your doorstep.

he turned his head to see you standing tensely in the doorframe. he smiled awkwardly as he scooted over to give you some space to sit far from him.

you sat down and placed the waters on the table in front of you. you took a deep breath before gulping hard. you eventually found the courage to croak out a few words.

"what happened, is everything alright?"

the air was thick, the unspoken history you shared lingering in the air. his eyes were red and cratered by bags. he tried to hide the lines on his face by putting on a decent outfit and gelling his hair back, but you saw right through his façade.

"i just.. wanted to apologize.."

your silence was his cue to continue speaking.

sitting in the soft glow of your living room, pablo took a deep breath before breaking the heavy silence.

"i need you to know how sorry i am for what i did, y/n. breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life, and i've spent every day regretting it. i miss you, not just the idea of you, but you - the way you laugh, the way you challenge me... i was foolish, and i can't keep living my life without you in it. i came here to make things right, to find a way for us to work through the challenges together. can we try again? can you forgive me?" His vulnerable pleas hung in the air while also knocking you down like heavy wind.

your gaze flickered with a mix of surprise as pablo's heartfelt words settled in the room. the weight of his apology hung between you, and for a moment, time seemed to stretch as you discerned the sincerity in his eyes.

you took a moment before responding, your voice a sorrowful blend of vulnerability and caution.

"pablo, you hurt me deeply when you walked away. i've spent nights replaying those moments, the day you left me, wondering if i meant as much to you as you say now...". The room held a fragile hope as your eyes locked.

in a desperate plea, pablo's words spilled forth with an intensity so raw it stung in the depths of your heart. his eyes reflected the sincerity of his emotions. "y/n, i can't imagine my life without you. every moment without you feels like a void i can't fill. i was foolish, and i let something so precious slip away." his voice wavered with a mix of regret and hope, showing the depth of his desire to rebuild what was lost.

"please, i'm begging you, give me another chance. i know i hurt you, and i'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. i've learned from my mistakes, and i'm not the same person who walked away. i love you, and i'm ready to fight for us. please, take me back."

you listened to pablo's heartfelt pleas carefully. after a thoughtful pause, you spoke with a calm and resolute tone,

"pablo, i appreciate your honesty and the effort you're putting into this. it's not easy to admit mistakes, and i can see the sincerity in your eyes. but i need some space to process everything. let's take things one step at a time."

pablo quietly absorbed your response. he nodded, a silent acknowledgment of the weight of his actions. "i understand, y/n," he said with a quiet sincerity,

"i know i hurt you, and i can't expect you to erase that pain overnight. i'm here, whenever you're ready." his words left a subtle sting on your heart. he raised up from the couch, before leaving with the same hunch of his back and drag of his steps that he entered with.

the sound of the door latching closed sent a stab through your heart. your eyes began to water as the painful image of him leaving stuck in your mind.

you were standing in the doorway, and felt a sudden surge of clarity and yearning. spontaneously, you threw the door open and rushed after him, the urgency to convey your changing feelings propelling you forward. "pablo!" you called out, running down the driveway, and as he turned in surprise, you closed the distance between you. without a word, you reached out, cupped his face in your hands, and pressed your lips to his. his hands wrapped around your waist as he dipped you forward slightly, embracing your warmth and forgiveness. your brows furrowed into the kiss as you felt the craters in your heart fill slowly.

the kiss was heavy, holding many unspoken emotions—forgiveness, longing, and the realization that sometimes, the heart finds its way back when the connection is too strong to resist.

in that moment, under the dim streetlights, things changed between you two, and it seemed as though the process of reconciliation was beginning to unfold.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Remember me? (Part 11)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Summary: Under the Mountain, Y/n met the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand. She was scared of him, but soon she found out that he wasn't who he pretended to be. Despite her efforts at not falling in love with him, she fails. It's not that bad as he loves her back.

But now he's gone, and she's left alone with nothing.

Except for a very adorable reminder of him.

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: secret pregnancy, none more that I can think of, so let me know if I need to add anything.

A/n: honestly dedicated to @thehighladywrites because we love High Lord Eris in this house 😏😌🫶🏻

also, i feel like this timeline ca be confusing because i honestly dont know what im doing lol so just so you all are aware, this part is supposed to be based on the time just before feyre has fled the night court 😉

(Not edited as i am going to slee, sorry! ignore any mistakes ❣️)

•○🌑○•

The curtains were parted to let in a gentle autumn breeze which toyed with the ends of Y/n's hair, and she huffed gently when she felt someone watching her.

She finished adjusting the covers around the sleeping Fin, taking her time to smooth out the creases before she straightened, turning to find Eris leaning against the doorway, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes trained on the softly snoring boy on the bed.

And he was shirtless.

Y/n told herself it was not that big of a deal, that she had seen plenty of men naked, but seeing that pale expanse of skin covering those hard earned muscles, something shifted in her belly.

He glanced at her, blinking when she stepped forward. He straightened when Y/n continued walking forward, and his arms fell at his sides when she passed by him.

Her brows furrowed as she glanced at him and found a blush covering his face.

"Eris? Are you alright? Is your magic malfunctioning or something?"

He shook his head, still standing in the doorway. She paused to turn an watch him.

"You look a little red, you know. Are you sure you don't have a fever?"

He shook his head again, glancing back at Fin once before he inclined his head towards the corridor leading away from the boy's room.

To say Y/n was concerned and confused would be an understatement.

Eris closed the door to Fin's room gently, then grasped Y/n's hand, hesitantly, tugging her towards a large window nearby.

Y/n whirled towards him the moment he stopped walking. "Eris? What is going on?"

He didn't say anything, simply pulled out a piece of paper from the pocket of the pants that hung dangerously low on his hips.

Y/n's frustrations finally got the best of her. "Are we playing charades, Eris? Or did someone cut off your tongue?"

He sighed. "I did not want to be the bearer of bad news, but I guess I still am as I brought you the letter. It's from Feyre. Forgive me for reading it, but it was open when it fell onto my desk."

Y/n's heart slowed down in fright. It... It could also be something good, right? It didn't have to be about her leaving Rhysand. It could be about him getting better and apologizing...

Y/n knew how stupid it was, really, to hope for that.

And even if that hope had really come true, Feyre was responsible enough to not send the letter practically in the middle of the night.

Y/n opened the folded piece of paper, her eyes moving frantically as she read it and searched for words that would soothe her worries.

It was all in vain.

Y/n, I can't live here anymore. I will soon be winnowing to autumn with Nyx. I hope you don't mind.

Y/n suppressed the rage that reared its head in her chest, taking a deep breath as her eyes rose to meet Eris's.

His eyes held the same sadness she felt and was sure were displayed in her own eyes.

"I have weakened the wards enough for both of them to come through without any harm coming to them, and have already ordered the servants to prepare quarters for them to live in. You don't have to worry about much."

Grateful, Y/n moved without realising what she was doing. One moment, she was standing facing him, the cool autumn air curling around her, and the next, she was surrounded by warmth, her face buried in his shoulder, her arms thrown around her neck. He stiffened, but moments later, he relaxed with a heavy sigh, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Thank you." She mumbled onto his welcoming skin, tightening her hold, knowing she shouldn't.

She felt him nod, and she pulled back to glance at him.

If there was any chance Y/n had been mistaken before about him blushing, she wasn't now.

He definitely was blushing, as red as the colour of the leaves in the court he ruled.

"It- it's nothing."

Despite the heavy news that they had received, Y/n felt her lips curl. "Are you blushing, Vanserra?"

He huffed. "Of course not. Why would I blush?"

"You know," Y/n began as se stopped leaning on him and straightened, though his hands tightened on her waist, as if unwilling to let go. Y/n chose to remain silent on the matter. "It is not nice to lie. Did your mother not teach you?"

He leaned his head closer, a smirk forming on his lips. "She might have, but she also focused more on how to treat the female you love the right way. Must've forgotten about the lying lessons."

Y/n blinked, her face going hot. But before she could say anything, she felt Eris stiffen under her arms. He pulled away instantly, tearing his hands through his hair.

"She's here."

Y/n nodded, her hands falling heavily to her sides.

"Let's go welcome them."

•○🌑○•

Part 12

Remember me Taglist: @holb32 @awoa1 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @luvmoo @we-were-beautiful @eerievixen @zoe2 @fussel9913 @j-pendragonx @thesnugglingduck @jesssicapaniagua @devilsnightz @esposadomd @littleffawn @mandowhatnow @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @princesslolaasworld @asemkta @cat-or-kitten @txzii @bunnyredgirl @theofficialmadman @leeknows-wife @aria-chikage @amygdtjhddzvb @azriels-mate123 @inky-clover @kemillyfreitas @12358 @justdreamstars @cuethedepession @princessvesta @fides25 @nocasdatsgay @acourtofbatboydreams @stained-glass-eyes0708 @glaciuswduo @wallacewillow0773638 @cassie6392 @quackitysdrugdealer @txzii @anuttellaa @coisas-da-dani @hnyclover @sassyslytherinshai @historygeekqueen

General Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392

Eris taglist: @kennedy-brooke @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter

[jakeysbuttsheeks]

Fall into you

Warnings: domestic abuse, violence, angst toxic relationship, adult content, language, profanity , cheating , soft Jake

Word count: 2k

Parings: Jake X fem reader

"dont fucking make me beat the shit out of you like I did last night. Tell me where the fuck you went!" your boyfriend, calum spat in your face , gripping your arm too tight for your liking.

Calum was the sweetest any guy had ever treated you . But he was sick . He'd get into this mood where he'd be a completely different person , yell at you and hit you even .

Last night it got bad and you ran out after he bruised your cheek and cut your lip open , you had the red marks of his nails digging into you at different parts of your body like your arms and neck .

You left to stay at a hotel and you came back to get your things and finally leave him. But to your suprise he was at home and obviously wasn't going to let you leave again.

"Calum you're hurting me-" your voice breaks as you try to slip your hand out of his grip but he only twists your arm tighter , making tears swell up in your eyes.

"what the fuck are you packing your shit up for?" He asked ,this eyes looking at the bag with all your things behind you on the bed.

"I can't do this anymore Calum" you cry , trying not to fight back because you knew that only makes him worse .

"do what?" He softened his voice , but his gaze still furious as his eyes shifted from your eyes to your lips .

"be with you! I can't be with you anymore!" You cry out , he still wouldn't let go of your arm as he pulled you in closer .

"you're leaving me?" He asks , his tone dripping in sadness.

You couldn't answer as he pressed his lips against your gently , apologetically. He loosened his grip on your arm and you melted into the kiss. It was times like this that you cherished him. You did love him. He was an awfully handsome man with a kind heart . you convinced yourself to look at the good parts over the bad because you thought you didn't deserve any better.

"I'm sorry" he breaks away from you , his eyes teary , he cupped your cheek and caressed his thumb over your bruised cheekbone and you melted into his hand as tears streamed down your face.

"I'm so sorry love" he whispers in strain as he kisses away your tears and pulls you into a hug .

"let me make it up to you. Please don't leave me . If you need a change or something let me take you out tonight" he pleads , his voice wavering.

You nod , giving into him . You knew you'd miss him if you left anyway. And he was right . A change of scene would be better. And he said he was sorry too.

He spent the day sweetly caressing you and keeping you close , no yelling and no getting physical.

You almost forgot you had the horrible purple bruise and swollen lip . You were remind when you dressed up that night to go out with him.

You covered it up with slight make up and lipstick, hoping no one would notice the claw marks. You dressed up pretty and left with calum .

There was a bar you and calum were regulars at . The drinks were cheap and the music was perfect . It was your spot .

The two of you walking in and greeted the bartender before ordering your drinks. You had this weird sensation of someone watching as calum spoke to you about something you couldn't careless about.

You turned and looked behind you , trying see if anyone had there eyes in you.

"y|n- are you listening" calum interrupted and you quickly looked back at him and nodded before he continued off .

For once it felt like there was a stronger energy in the room other than calum. Usually you wouldn't bother about anyone or anything around as long as calum was with you . But the air felt different. Like there was someone else stealing the spotlight.

You paid zero to no attention to anything calum was talking to you about and lost interest completely when the band started playing.

One of your favourite songs , you met eyes with the guitarist as he started the first few notes of the song.

"hey Adam?" You call out to the bartender, your eyes not leaving the little stage in the bar.

"yeah?" He calls back as he's busy making a drink for someone.

"who are they?" You ask , pointing to the band . Because usually they'd just be a guy or a girl up there singing or doing something small . But this was a full out band and they sounded too good to be playing in a place like this.

"Greta Van fleet. Some band from Michigan" Adam answers nonchalantly.

"I was talking to you" calum says in tone too deep for your liking and you immediately feel yourself sink down into the floor and wither away as you met eyes with him . He had that furious look in his eyes and you gulped .

"I'm sorry. It's just- they sounded too good- I-" you stutter .

"it's alright" he says , his tone back to calm . And he starts talking again , continuing what he was saying. But you had your ears on the band , tapping your foot to the rythem.

Calum eventually shut up and got lost in the band's music as well . The whole bar did . They were cheering them on . But what almost threw you off your seat was the way the guitarist kept looking at you .

Was he the strong presence you were feeling before?

Your heart almost melted when the corners of his lips curled up into a cheeky smile , his eyes directly on your as he teased his guitar. You couldn't help but and blush and smile back at him.

"okay what the fuck is going on here?!" Calum snapped and you flinched at the sudden action of him slamming his empty glass on the counter and getting of his seat .

"w- calum-?" You stutter in confusion as he walked through the crowd, approaching the little stage the band was on.

The guitarist met eyes with you for a second as he looked at calum with confusion.

"shut the fuck up" calum yelled as he grabbed the guitarist's wire and wrenched it out of his guitar , causing a loud shrill before the band stopped .

The guitarist set his guitar down and looked like he was ready to throw hands at calum for that as calum got on the stage .

"calum stop!" You scream as he grabs the guitarist's collar .

"get this sick fuck off the stage we don't need him fucking ogling at my girl and flaunting his shit up here" calum yelled at the bartender who was equally panicked and confused.

"WHOA WHOA WHAT'S GOING ON" the other band members dropped their instruments and came over .

"calum what the fuck!?" You yell as you try to wrench him away from the poor guitarist but he shoved you away making you trip back.

"hey! Don't handle her like that!" The guitarist snapped , radiating the same energy as calum .

"don't fucking tell me how to treat my fucking girlfriend!" Calum smashes his fist across the guitarist face. And it seemed to have unleashed some sort of anger that the guitarist had been fighting back .

"Jake no!" One of the band members yells at him before he could immediately punch calum back .

"STOP IT!" you scream as they violently wrestle eachother around the stage and started lashing out at the eachother.

The guitarist knocked calum off the stage as he fell onto a flimsy table and broke it . Calum immediately got back up and punched the guy across his face again . But the guitarist was quick to throw his fists into calum's stomach making him fold.

The guitarist basically had calum pinned down to the floor as he punched him .

The other members of the band tore the guitarist away and tried to hold back calum with you .

"take this shit outside!" The owner of the bar yelled . People were filming and you were honestly so embarrassed .

Calum had blood oozing from his mouth and a black eye but he still wanted to fight that damned guitarist. And you couldn't hold him back long enough.

The guitarist had a bleeding nose and a bruised cheek and a violent stare .

"woah man cut the shit!" One of the band guys stopped calum from coming back up to Jake.

"calum stop it please" you pleaded as you grabbed his arm and held him back.

He landed a back handed slap across your face , making you fall back and immediately let go of him as he barged back to Jake who was ready to throw hands again .

"I'm gonna call the fucking cops!" The owner warned but he was ignored.

"are you alright?" One of the band guys asked as he held your shoulder.

"calum" you mutter under your breath as you tried to stop the two again.

The two guys brutally hitting eachother, enough to cause serious damages as the band guys kept trying to pull them apart .

The guitarist wouldn't give in till calum was passed out . He was finally torn away from calum as he lay on the floor half consious.

"are you okay? Do you know him?" The guitarist asks you , breathing heavily.

"he's my- he was-" You breakdown as you try to find an answer.

"shit your bleeding" he says as his hand comes up to touch your face , his fingers barely touch your jaw as you move away.

"sorry" he apologizes immediately. But you couldn't help but find comfort in his presence. The fact that you knew he was stronger than calum but you just knew he'd never use any of that strength on you .

But with calum it was obvious he was a violent person. He tried to be good but he just couldn't.

For the first time you felt safe . Safe with a man you didn't even know . Safe when your boyfriend was beaten to the ground by him. P

"my name's Jake" he said , realising that he came out to strong when you barely knew him .

"is he your boyfriend?" Jake asks. You nod tearfully.

"I'm sorry I beat him up. He shouldn't have hit you" Jake said apologetically.

"thank you" you rush out , like a call for help. And you see a spark in his eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the sound of cop cars .

"shit! Sam did we get all our stuff?!" Jake yells as he walks away from you to the exit of the bar.

"yeah get in the car the cops are here!" One of the guys yelled back as he walked out.

"do you want a drop home or-" Jake asked softly, waiting for you to answer.

You looked at calum passed out on the floor , he was gonna wake up any second. And what next after that ? He would just beat you up . Maybe this was a sign. Maybe Jake was here to save you.

"yeah" it rushed out of you as the sound of police cars get louder.

He grabs your hand and quickly walks out of the place and pulls you into a busky van with him in the back seat . it smelt comforting. Even tho it was the dead of night and you were in a van with a bunch of strangers , you felt warm and comforted. And finally safe .

"which way love?" Jake asks .

'love' it came out of him like he said it out of habit. Calum never called you anything of the sort . It was either your name or 'babe'.

The question made you realise how you actually had no where to go . You could barely afford your own apartment when you met calum. And then you sold it and moved in with him after. You had no family or friends in this town , you kept to yourself alot. You were truely alone . It made you cry .

"it's alright love you're safe now. We're nice people" one of the guys turn around in his seat to look back at you , you recollected him as the singer .

"at least we're nice people, I donno about Jake , lashing out like that" the singer said , giving Jake a death glare like he was scolding him .

"hey! You saw how he treated her" Jake said, putting his hands up in defence.

"oh yeah? That doesn't mean you go all crazy and get us kicked out of-" the singer argued but was interrupted by another band member you remembered to be the drummer .

"alright cut it out both of you" he yelled as he drove the van , looking back at y'all from the rearview mirror.

"do you really have nowhere to go uhh-" the drummer stopped mid sentence when he realised he didn't know you name.

"y|n" you said . You heard Jake murmur your name under his breath , thinking you couldn't hear him .

"do you really have nowhere to go y|n?" The drummer asked. And you shook your head in embarrassment. You almost regretted getting into the van with them .

"you can stay over with us- I mean we have a guest room , with a lock- or I could get you a hotel room" Jake spoke nervously. And you immediately shook your head.

"just drop me off at the nearest hotel . I'll be fine" you say , you voice stuffy from your blocked nose.

"don't be absurd! We couldn't possibly leave a woman who's bleeding and scared at some hotel room like that!" The other guy yelled , the bassist. Almost like it made him angry.

"Sam's right . Do you wanna stay over ? We're safe people" the drummer says with honesty as he drove cautiously.

"I don't wanna be a bother-" before you could even finish your sentence the singer protested.

"a bother!? Don't be stupid!" He snaps .

"are you sure?" You ask softly.

"of course!" "Hell yeah" "definitely" they answer together in unison.

"come stay with us . I promise were nice people" the singer adds .

"fuck off Josh you're scaring her! Who the fuck says that to someone like that?" Jake pushed the singer's shoulder.

"what!? I'm being nice and she knows it!" Josh snaps at Jake and then looks at you in concern . You almost giggle at them . Their presence was so comfortable.

"alright if I'm not a bother" you answer and the boys protest at you for saying the word 'bother' .

Your mood is already much better as the van pulls up into the driveway to a nice warm looking house .

They got out and carried their equipment and instruments in , Jake helped you into the house before closing the door after you .

You felt like a misplacement for a second as they put their equipment away and took their shoes off . But after they were done they brought their attention right back to you .

"oh poor thing . Let me get something for that bleeding lip" the drummer says before he scurries off . You touch your lip and find it wet , unaware that it was bleeding.

"I'm Sammy" the bassist says as he reached his hand out for you to shake.

"and I'm josh at you're service" the singer says with a slight bow making you smile .

The drummer came back with a first aid box .

"and I'm Daniel. The only thing that can keep these assholes from killing eachother" the drummer said with a kind smile .

"come sit down" Josh said like an excited child when their favourite uncle comes to visit.

"we're siblings by the way , if you couldn't tell" Jake says , offering you a glass of water .

"oh thanks you" you say as you scan the four faces and take the glass from him.

"all of them except me of course" Daniel adds .

"aw come on don't say that! We may not be brothers by blood but we're brothers damnit" Sam said like he was offended , you giggled , Forgetting the whole scene that had happened in the bar.

"do you mind?" Daniel asked as he sat down next to you with a alcohol swab in his hand .

You open your mouth to answer but you shake your head instead, blushing in embarrassment.

He wiped your lip with the swab and you hiss. You met eyes with Jake who was staring between the two of you in pure jealousy and you blush harder .

"alright there you go" Daniel said , purely respecting you and not eyeing you up in anyway.

"fatass you're next" Daniel says as he walks over to Jake .

Jake rolls his eyes and stays put as Daniel wipes all the blood of his nose and mouth, and then tending to any open wounds . Your heart melts at the intimacy of them . It felt good to know there was good people in the world.

You felt like you didn't deserve them . They were too kind to you . No one had ever been. You grew up with egoistic parents that always put you down and never let you think you were worth loving. And your friends had crossed you one too many times for you to trust again.

The boys had gone off to bed after showing you the guest room .

Once you were alone with your thoughts you broke down . Thinking of what was to happen now . How could you go back to face calum ? What about your things in his house ? You should've left when you had the chance .

There was a knock at your door and you startled up , quickly wiping your face and sniffing in your snot before answering.

"it's open!" You answer, slightly panicked that you were a bother by using this room .

"I got you clothes for you to change into . You couldn't possibly sleep in those . And the bathroom is just down the hall feel free to use it" Jake says as he stood by your door , not daring to come in and invade your personal space .

"thank you" you say in overwhelm. You quickly got off the bed and headed to the door to take the clothes from him . And he noticed you were crying.

"hey uh-" he starts as you put the clothes on your bed .

"are you alright?" He asks comfortingly, his eyes looking at you simpathically .

You didn't answer. You had so much to say and You didn't know what to tell him , your eyes tears up and your heart clenched and you saw him tense up thinking he shouldn't have asked.

"I'm here if you need anything- we're here- so just let us know okay?" He says quickly, reaching for the door knob to close the door .

"jake-" you call , stopping him . He looked at with concern, waiting for you to talk .

"can you-" your voice broke . You felt empty and stranded .

"can you hold me?" You let out a sob and he immediately slips his hand from the door and strides up to you and hugs you , wasting no time .

You ball up his shirt in your fists as you sob into his chest.

"shh it's alright" he soothes, petting your hair gently and holding you close butnot too tightly to make you uncomfortable even tho you were holding him tight .

You sob harder , letting everything out. It was like he was a saviour. The comfort he offered you was immense and you couldn't believe it .

"you're alright doll" he hums . Even tho you barely know him , and he had you so close to him in his own house , he still treated you respectfully , held you respectfully.

You sniffle and break away to look at him , noticing you had made his shirt damp from your tears .

"fuck" you whine as you rubbed your hand on his chest to try to take off as much of the snot as you could .

"I don't mind it's alright" he smiles.

"I'm sorry" you ignore him as you keep wiping the snot off and he holds your wrist gently stopping you.

"it's okay y|n" he says , looking into your eyes and you blushed hearing your name from his mouth out loud for the first time.

You let go of him and he moves away from you , still smiling at you .

"I'll be in my room if you need me alright?" Jake says sweetly as he walked over to the door .

You look down and blush at the interaction with him as he leaves .

"oh by the way" he stops just before he could close the door.

"I wasn't 'ogling' at you on stage, I just thought you looked pretty" he said giving you a wider smile before he left , closing the door behind him .

Your face was heated and your heart was racing. The way he held you and cradled your head , petting your hair and muttering sweet comforts to you like you were the most delicate thing after brutally beating up your boyfriend well, ex now . And the fact that all you knew about him was his name his brothers and that he played guitar.

There might be a part 2

[tinyfishtits]

Sup bro, fartsnifferpro here.

I really love your fics and u said it was ok to make requests so I really hope I'm not bothering.. I usually have several ideas for fanfics but I don't trust my writing enough to put them into practice and laziness usually gets in the way. I was thinking about something related to a Micah Bell dating a reader very, but VERY emotional, like crying very easily (me). I really don't care the way you will write this (like headcanons, fanfic, whatever) I'll will love it anyway your writing is amazing.

(IF YOU DONT WANT TO ITS OKAY)

Hehe welcome to the blog Fartsnifferpro! I most definitely DO want to write a sad reader fic !! You caught me at a very melancholy time so this was pretty cathartic to write tbh. I hope you like it ❣️

The small stable in this god forsaken camp had quickly become my favorite place. Being around all those people, sick, sad, broken… It was tearing me apart. I hadn’t been with them for very long, had only just gotten to know those that we lost only days ago. Jenny, Davey, Mac…  

I felt like I had no right to mourn them, not when the others were so devastated by the loss. Not with John still missing and Abigail worried sick. Or the heartbreaking cries of the widow we picked up just yesterday cutting through even the most violent howling winds of the blizzard that hounded our crude shelters. 

So, just as I had the last two nights, I spent my evening tending to the horses while the others huddled for warmth in the decrepit cabins across camp. It was barely any warmer in the stable than it was out in the snow but I'd been so numb the past few days the cold barely registered anymore. I was brushing Baylock, humming some old lullaby I'd long forgotten the words to, when the doors of the stable swung open. 

“Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes…” a familiar gravelly voice said behind me. I didn’t have time to put my brush down before Micah’s arms were around my waist, his wind chilled face nuzzling into my neck as he kissed me, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine as he spoke, “Why you out here?” 

I turned in his grasp to snake my hands beneath the thick leather jacket he wore and wrap my arms around his back, snuggling into his warmth. 

“Goddamn darlin’ you’re freezing.” His body shuttered against my cold touch. Pulling me tighter against him, his strong hands began rubbing my back in an attempt to warm me up. “Shit, how long you been out here?” 

“I don’t know…” I murmured against his shoulder, squeezing him tighter.

“I would have come found ya sooner,” He sighed, “Dutch’s been talkin’ our ears off about… well, it don’t matter.” He let out a low hum, peppering gentle kisses atop my head. 

His comforting hold, his soft voice, the sweet, feather light kisses… It broke something open in me that I'd been pushing down since we fled here. A muffled cry escaped my lips as I buried my head into the crook of his neck. Micah froze at the sound. When the cries didn’t stop, his grip on me tightened.

“What- what is it? What’s wrong?” His tender, soothing voice just fueled whatever pain had broken free inside me. I collapsed against him. Unable to speak, barely able to breath as I choked up sob after pained sob, gripping onto him so tightly my muscles ached. 

“Hey… Hey, shhh” He hushed, whispered curses escaping his lips as I shook in his arms. I knew he wasn’t used to comforting people, that emotional outbursts of any kind weren't a part of his wheelhouse. In all the time we’d been together I’d purposefully hid my breakdowns from him… afraid he’d see me as weak. 

“I- I’m sorry…” I finally choked out, knowing I was putting him in an uncomfortable position. 

“Don't apologize, darlin'. You got nothin’ to be sorry for…” He whispered into my ear. His sweet words just cracked me open even deeper. A hand came up to gently rake through my hair as he continued to shush me like a frightened horse. Which, I realized, was probably the only living thing he’d ever attempted to comfort until now. 

“Just let it out honey, I gotcha.” He said, his grip on me tightening.

“I can't take being stuck up here Micah…” I admitted, the words finally spilling out of me, “It- it's suffocating me… And I'm not asking you to do anything about it. I know it's just how things are with the damn storm and the money... I just…” I trailed off, my breath still stuttering with sobs. 

He let out a long sigh, pulling away from my grip on him just enough to cradle my face in his hands. His bright blue eyes met mine, a foreign, aching sadness welling up in them as he examined me. 

“I know…” He finally said, stroking the streaming tears away from my cheeks. The pained look he gave me had my eyes welling up once more, cursing under his breath he pulled me back into his embrace. Holding my head in his hand he kept me pressed firmly against his chest, like he was afraid I'd break into pieces if he let go. “God darlin’ I- I hate seein’ you like this.” 

His deep voice rumbling against my ear was like music. I hugged him tighter, feeling every breath, listening to it whoosh through him like wind. “Can you… talk.” I murmured into his chest, “About anything… just, talk to me” 

“Um… Sure.” He said, though he went quiet for a long moment as he thought of what to say. “My… My momma used to tell me this story, about a boar… If you wanna hear it.” I hummed in acknowledgement, waiting for him to continue. 

“It was a menace, darlin’, this boar. A real nasty fucker. Killed livestock, ripped up crops, tore people apart… The whole country feared the damn thing. The king offered up his own daughter as the reward for the man who killed it.”

“So these two brothers decided hell, they had nothin' to lose and gave it a try. The older one, a cocky bastard, spent the first day of the hunt getting piss drunk. Figuring his brother didn’t stand a chance.” He ran his hands through my hair, idly twisting strands around his fingers as he got lost in the retelling. 

“That night, his little brother came out of the forest with the beast on his back. Fuckin’ furious, he walked up and shot him dead. Took the boar for himself and brought it back to the king. Told everyone the boar had killed his brother, tore him up and ate the pieces. And they believed him, ‘cause that boar was a menace.” His whispered words were fierce in my ear, he'd always been such a good storyteller. My sobs had ceased by now, my breathing settling into a calm rhythm as I listened intently. 

“He married the king's daughter the next day. Had a huge party outside the castle to celebrate. Even had the boar roasting on a spit for the feast. They was so drunk and happy, the whole place filled with music.” He hummed in my ear, taking my hand in his and swaying us softly to the tune.

“Until a boar, one twice the size of the one the brother had killed, went chargin' for the king's daughter!" He said with a roar, gripping me closer into his chest as if he were the beast coming to devour me. I couldn't help but giggle at his theatrical retelling.

"It ripped her apart while everyone watched...." He bit playfully at my neck in emphasis, coaxing a surprised yelp out of me. Though he didn't miss a beat. 

"The brother, the damn coward, ran off, back to the castle. Let the boar feast on everyone that had come to celebrate his wedding. Let it tear up the fields, rip through the livestock. Until there was nothin' left…” he drifted off into silence, kissing softly at the spot at my neck where he'd bitten. I waited for some happy resolution but it never came.

“Your momma told you that story?” I asked, a shocked laugh escaping my lips at the gorey tale I could only presume he heard as a small child. His chest vibrated with a deep laugh of his own, “What, not the bedtime story you were expecting?” He raised my chin to look at him, his expression softened now that my tears had stopped. 

“What happened to the brother?” I asked. Micah shrugged, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, “Died alone in that castle with piles of money to wipe his ass with, probably.” 

I laughed, "What made ya think of that story?"

Humming in thought he said, "I don't know... always found it funny." "Funny?" I said, incredulous.

"Well you laughed, didn't ya!"

"At you, ya big weirdo..." I said, playfully hitting him on the chest. My sorrows and worries forgotten as I looked up at him, a beaming smile on his face.

His thumb brushed over my chin as he pulled me up to place a soft kiss to my lips. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I held him close, keeping his lips on mine as we melted into each other with palpable relief. As if all the tension, guilt and grief that had weighed me down the past few days just needed his warm breath to be set free, evaporating around us now lighter than air. 

With his strong arms hooked around my waist Micah picked me up. His mouth never left mine as he carried me out of the stable, intent on keeping me warm and in his arms for the rest of the night. 

If you liked this, check out my other Micah works!

★ My Masterlist ★

[yeondollie]

ᴍʏ ᴄᴇɴᴛᴜʀʏ ᴘᴛ. 𝟸 ᯓ★ ୨ৎ

'and i'll listen to the memories as they cry, cry, cry.' ᥫ᭡

. . warnings ; ANGST .ᐟ, heartbreak, continuation of part one, usage of nicknames (my love, baby, pretty girl), pleading, breakup, beomgyu cheated (he would never hehe !!), not a happy ending, mentions of sunghoon from enhypen and chaewon from le sserafim (love them both sm sm), fem reader, reader struggles with depression, i think thats it :> !!

. . words ; 0.9k ⋆.˚

a/n ; first of all, thank you so much for all the love on the part 1 ?!! :,) i love you guys so much and i made some mutuals so thank you again and again . i hope you enjoy part two as much as i do ! i was listening to mitski, more specifically puberty 2 and bury me at makeout creek, while making this and woo it made me so sad :< . please enjoy none the less hehe .. ♡

"i still love you, please dont do this."

all the memories of him suddenly came rushing back to your mind and you could feel your body crumble under you. it was like when you were waving him goodbye to paris a year ago, the pain was unmatched. you didn't even know how to respond. there was no way he truly meant what he said. i mean he cheated, didn't he? "you cheated on me. did you not?"

at this point hes let go of the girl on his shoulder which you later found to be chaewon, a pretty girl he met on his school campus. he dragged you to a secluded corner and looked into your glassy eyes. "i know i messed up.. fuck.. i know okay? but i.." he ran his hands through his hair, clearly stressed. "but what? you promised me, right?" you ask gently.

"you're right, i did and i broke it." he finally admits, feeling all the guilt rush to his stomach. tears fell from your eyes and your hands started shaking. you could just remember how miserable you were when there was no contact between the two of you. you couldn't even get out of bed on some days, it was that horrible. "but _____," he finally broke the silence. "please come back to me."

"i-i miss you more than anything." he was almost on his knees, begging you to come back to him. you were surprised, taken aback even. you knew it was stupid to even think of going back to beomgyu but.. he just had this way with you. "beom.." you whisper.

"please my love. i'll do anything.. fuck.. who are you here with? i'll do anything please. c-come back to me i know i messed up but please. be mine again pretty girl, please."

sunghoon. you were here with sunghoon and you couldn't do this to him, he ought to be worried about you by now. "i-i have to go.." your eyes were watering, attempting to walk away so he doesn't see. he immediatley pulls you into a hug, not allowing you to leave. you hesitate to hug him back. why was he doing all this? just to have you wrapped around his finger again?

"beomgyu i really h-" you were cut off again. "you can't! i.. please? i promise, see i pinky promise?" he forces your pinky to intertwine with his own, forcing a pinky promise. he smiled, trying to get a reaction out of you but nothing. it wasn't working on you.

it was just the fact he left your mind running for a year. 'did something happen? is he safe? does he hate me? is something wrong? i wonder if hes doing okay..' was all that filled your mind for the year he was gone and for him to pull a full 180 was insane to you. "let me go beomgyu, p-please."

he could feel his heart break into a million pieces. he knew what he had done was messed up but let you go? forever? he finally had you in his arms again and you wanted to let him go? "no.. no please baby dont do this. y-you cant do this right? i love you! i love you so m-much please." you weren't fooled by his words.

his world of leading you on was crumbling and as much as you wanted to love him back, he just wasn't the beomgyu you remembered. he wasn't the loving boy you once knew. to you, he was practically nothing. you couldn't see him the same now, it hurt.

"i dont love you anymore." he suddenly grasps your hand, squeezing it tightly. "you do.. please. please dont say that. yes you do, you love me and i love you." he's in complete denial. he cant accept that you've moved on, found another man to hold you in his arms. he was crumbling one by one, you had never saw him like this before.

"beomgyu i cant.. i cant love you anymore. you cheated on me for fucks sake." you're clearly stressed tears flowing down your cheeks. he takes he hand to wipe some of your tears while caressing your cheeks. "i-i please.. i dont want to loose you." he whispers in your ear.

you pull his hands off of you and to wipe your own tears. "did that promise mean nothing to you?" finally your voice began to raise, now just feeling angry. "you know i meant every word i said to you baby." he said this in such a gentle tone, you could almost believe it.

"you don't know how hard it was to sit at him rotting in my bed, wondering if something had happened to you. if you were okay, if you were safe but no. you were cheating on me? you're fucking dead to me." your words stung him like a bee, dead to you?

"you don't mean t-that.. you really d-" he was cut off by your stern voice reaching him once more. "i mean.. every word."

he was falling apart, was this how you had felt when he left? "please my love.. im not dead to you. please say you dont mean that." he pleads, tears dwelling in his eyes. he was truly hurting but this is what he did you to, he hurt you just like this. you weakly pull his grip off of you and start to walk away. "you need to let me go."

"i'll keep saying it, for the next century. i still love you, so much my love." were the last words he ever muttered to you.

[sucker4sixx]

Particles

Recycled from 2023!

Plot: you cant seem to stay away..

Warnings: distressing themes, self destruction, degradation (not in a kinky way), toxic relationships

You sat on the curb, the streets a blur. People pass laughing with their group like you were invisible, you basically were. Eventually you brought yourself to your feet, eyes unable to focus on a thing.

Another mopey night of drowning your sorrows in vodka like a broken record. At this point you werent sure where you were, becoming almost dyslexic trying to look at the street signs "hey.. man do you like" you slurred to a man who stood alone "i got no change lady" he spat, walking away.

'Its all because of him' you told yourself, trying not to trip up over your own feet 'he tricked me, he trapped me in his spell'. The stone wall you held for support left small cuts on your hands when you would fall but you were far too drunk now to even feel.

As you headed from the busy part of town to the more quieter area you got chilly, the small black dress you foolishly picked out incase you bumped into him not doing much for you. When you 'accidentally' ended up in the quite street that was oh too familiar you felt sick with fear, regret, sadness.

You began to stumble along the pavement again, your legs knowing where to go more that you did. "Fuck." you slurred, falling to your knees but not even remembering how. You sighed, knowing you would have to start your unknowing treck sometime soon. Lazily you raised your head and tried to focus your eyes, to your horror, he stood outside his front garden looking forwards unaware of your arrival or just ignorant of your pain, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. Your stared up at him not sure if you were really seeing him or clinically insane.

Slowly his head turned to look at you, unimpressed. "Look at the state your in, doll" the words that wouldve been slurred anyway had completely gone. "What? Cat got your tongue?" Nikki slowly walked towards you, getting down to your level "your a fucking mess, you know that?" He held your chin and slowly moved your head up and down "yes nikki i know that" he spoke in a higher voice to mock you, laughing to himself.

"Your really not going to speak? You cant even focus on me, you alcoholic" slowly you rest your hand on his cheek, moving your thumb round in circles. He was hurt and drunk and you knew that "its okay nikki.. i know your hurt" you tried your hardest not to slur but it was inevitable, his eyes teared up but he kept his beautiful face tough "im not hurt, im a man" he stood up and looked down at you "up. Get up." You obliged, using his legs to help you up "fucking junkie" he muttered, helping you to his house.

Once you were in he gently sat you on his couch, noticing the blood on your knees and hands "you gotta be careful" "why? I have no one to be careful for anymore" nikki sat back, putting his fingers over the bridge of his nose to calm himself down "you broke up with me! Why are you still in love with me?!" He barked, taking you back abit "you cheated on me sixx!" "Oh and fucking what! I did it once, ill do it again!" He sarcastically smiled, quoting the last thing you said to him while you were together "just like you right? Youll show up at my house drunk once? Youll fuckin do it again!" You sighed for a moment, both going quite. The argument suddenly sobering you up more than you would like.

"So? Why are you really here?" He asks, tone still angry but more quite. "I dont even fucking know!" You snap, getting up from his couch and leaving through the front door.

You sat on the curb, streets a blur from the tears that streamed down your cheek. You called a taxi but they said it would arrive two hours tops since it was a saturday night. You missed the way used to be, when you could actually have a conversation and end it with an “i love you baby”.

The tall man sat beside you wordlessly, you didnt even want to look up at him. "Look im so-" "save it, im the one who came here. I need to stop expecting so much from you" he sighed, wiping the back of his arm over his eyes like he had been crying. "I dont think your a mess, i think your the most beautiful girl ive ever seen" you huffed, looking up at him "you cant keep doing this to me" "oh cmon babe, its always going to be me and you"

"look i called a cab just go inside it shouldnt be long"

"is this the last time?"

"Id like to think so" "stop being so god damn negative" he muttered, getting aggravated. You just huffed again, really not in the mood for his antics. He only ever got like this when he had been drinking copious amounts of whiskey.

30 minutes of silence passed "where the fuck is this taxi" nikki looked down at this fingers where he played with his nails "i uh cancelled it" "of course" you brought yourself to your feet, looking down at the man you once thought youd marry "of fucking couse!" Once again you began your treck knowing it would be ages before you got home but way sooner than if you called another taxi "no babe come back" nikki pleaded, walking after you. "This" you pointed between you both "its unhealthy" "i know but it feels so good! Its so right!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands around "you drank more whiskey while i was outside?" "Is it a fuckina crime?" "No but it is when i do it isnt it? What was it? 'Alcoholic'? 'Fucking junky'?" "Oh dont do that, i was speaking the truth!" You walked towards him, now both in the centre of the road "well ill tell you the truth. All you are is your face, your personality is shit and when it can be even near to good thats when your acting like a himbo so that you look dumb and lovable to all your fans that you fuck! Your a manipulator and a cheater and i couldnt name one single positive thing about you. Ive waisted two years of my life over you and that trends over with" nikki falls silent, half of it was fake.. he really could be a sweet guy but you just wanted to hurt him

He tries to speak but tears stream down his face as he backs up, the guilt hits you but you stay silent “i-i just wanted to be perfect for you.. all i wanted was you” he sobs, gasping for air as he backs up to his house, youve never seen him so hysterical before but it worried you. You watch as he stumbles back into his house, slamming the door shut, although he was inside his sobs wracked through the empty street, turning away you walked down the street, trying to drown out the sobs with heavy steps but even when you were too far to hear him his hysterical display still haunted your memory…

You knew youd be back soon enough.

[zpiderwebs]

| That's great. | part I

"It's so depressing how the tear ducts in my eyes are so much wetter than the space between my thighs."

----

Peter b x fem! Reader

(Angst, fluff, tiny bit of smut! [Just a few details] 1st person POV)

----

Note: I rebranded and I'm starting off as a new account and under a new name :] pls read my linktree! :)

"Damn, you're really still waiting for that reply?"

"Of course I am. I just..God I don't even know anymore. It just feels like I need her more and more the more I think of her."

Ugh.. there it was again. That jealous feeling in my stomach.

"Well, if you're just going to be a sad bumb, then what the hell am I doing here? Just keeping you company while you cry your eyes out for her? Cmon Peter, it's been seven months. Don't you think it's time to back down?" I shrugged, setting my takeout container down as I crossed my arms.

I knew i shouldn't be acting like such a dick to him, especially when he badly needed the help. But seriously, it's been months since he divorced MJ! Why can't he just see she probably moved on? Why can't he see that I'm clearly here for him and he should also move on?

"Cmon Pete, just..give it up. It's for the best, right? You shouldn't be beating yourself so much over one woman. You know, there's other women who find you attractive too, not just MJ." I murmured, trying to hint him in a way. I wasn't sure how he'd feel. Hopefully, he wasn't as slow to figure this out.

"Mm. Maybe," Peter murmured, sighing as he set his phone down.

"Mm?"

"Maybe your right. I should try to..move on."

"That's great! See? It's not that hard, that's a great first step, pete."

Well shit, maybe I might get an actual chance-

"But I'm still not sure. I went through a lot with her, you know?"

Fuck. Nevermind.

"Well, no, not really. I wasn't the one married and going through everything with you." I huffed out, leaning back on the couch.

I wish I was. I wouldn't have divorced you over anything small. I would've loved you forever.

"You're right. You'd make a good wife, tho. You're very open-minded and understanding. I like that about you." Peter murmured, a small smile on his thin lips, his eyes crinkled. They were tired, but god, how good he made them look.

"Oh well..thank you. I appreciate your words. But hey, we still need to focus on helping you move on. Right?" I cooed. It was getting hard to keep up my non flustered face.

"Yeah, your right." Peter let out a chuckle. Sighing, he leaned back on the couch, placing a hand on my knee.

Please, keep it there.

"Hey,"

"Hm?"

"If your so eager on helping me move on why dont you.." his voice trailed off a bit.

"Why don't I..?"

"Hm.."

"Cmon, spit it out parker."

He let out a gentle sigh, his hand squeezing my knee a bit.

Fuck. Is he going to..

"Why don't you and I give it a try?"

Silence. Felt like the air was just punched out of me.

"..Huh?"

"Yeah. I mean..you and I have been very close and you've always been there for when I needed you. Maybe there's more that we haven't dug up."

"O-oh..maybe."

Is he being serious or is he just messing with me?

"So..what do you say? Should we give it a try?" Peter then turned to look at me with those same tired brown eyes.

God. He doesn't know how long I've been waiting for him to say these words.

"I'd love that."

"Me too."

Peter began to slowly lean in, brushing my hair behind my ear.

Fuckfuckfuck

I closed my eyes, waiting for him to do it first. And then I felt his thin lips on mine.

God..

My lips moved against his, my hands not knowing where to go. They simply rested on his knees. He softly groaned against my lips. I felt so weak. I never wanted this to end.

Sadly, it had to end since old man lungs who have smoked for a while now couldn't handle not containing oxygen for a long time.

"You really gotta cut out the cigarettes for now."

Peter chuckled. "Okay, fine. I'll do it if it means I get to kiss you longer."

I softly chuckle, flicking his nose. "Alright, don't be so cheesy now."

And we went back to kissing.

First couple of weeks went to months. They were good. Nothing too serious yet just..simple kisses, hand holding, hugging for long periods of time. I enjoyed it. Then..it began to get more serious.

He wanted me to move in with him, stay longer, and I wanted to, but I wasn't sure yet. He said it was okay. He began to..express more dreams and..a possible future together.

When he said those words of wanting to own a place just for the two of us, my heart soared. How did MJ let such an amazing chance like him go away? She could've just been more patient with him. How lucky am I?

"And, we could also have a balcony. Somewhere to sit outside and just feel the breeze." Peter murmured, holding my hand tightly in his as we laid there on his simple mattress that had grease stains, and the springs in it were very creaky with the simplest movements.

"Hm..that's great. I'd like that. Even tho, New York summers are brutal."

"We'll even get a little kiddie pool and just chill out there, huh? Maybe add in a few beers?"

I chuckled, squeezing his hand tighter. "I'd love that. If it's with you, of course."

Peter smiled, leaning into my neck and softly sighing, taking in my scent. I closed my eyes for a brief moment. Suddenly, I felt hot breathing against my neck and his lips grazing against my skin.

"Peter..?"

"Sorry I just..can't help myself. You smell so nice." Peter whispered, placing hot kisses on my neck. My body shivered and I felt goosebumps. My cheeks felt so warm

"Peter.." I softly murmured out.

"Please, just..one little bite."

"God..please do."

Then, his teeth gentle sunk into my flesh. Something definitely turned on inside of me that made me gasp out. He then moved away, sitting up. The mattress creaked again, annoyingly loud as he climbed on top of me, his hands on both sides of my head.

I met his eyes. They were saying the same thing I was thinking of. I watched his neck as he gulped. He was nervous.

"I need you."

His words sent a shiver down my spine. It felt so good to hear those words.

My hands tightened around the blanket underneath us.

"I need you too."

Slowly, we kissed, taking our time. One by one our clothes was off. I softly moaned as i felt his lips against my skin. I was on fire.

"Peter.." I gasped out. I couldn't say anything else but his name.

"Shh.." He softly whispered into my ear.

We took our time to get into it, and when he was finally inside, I was completely taken out of it, only focusing on the moment. The way he felt sliding in and out. The way he whined into my ear, saying how much he loved me and how good I was doing. I couldn't even form words. We fit so perfectly together.

I completely drowned out the loud annoying creaks of the old damn mattress because all I could hear was his pants and whines in my ear along with the sounds of his hands gently combing through my hair as he moved. My legs tightly around his waist. I never wanted this to end...

Well. That's what I wanted. Until..where Peter and I were just getting so serious, he dropped a bomb on me.

"She responded back..!" Peter called out as he looked at his phone. The message from MJ right in front of our eyes.

There it was again, that jealousy feeling in my stomach but now in my mouth.

"Oh..thats..great." I murmured, I gently laid down on the mattress as I watched him. "Do you want to take a nap?"

"Yeah, just a minute."

Just a minute? What..?! We're literally together, and he's really going to respond to his ex-wife after she ghosted him for months!?

"Peter, seriously?"

"Seriously what? Cmon, I'm just.." His voice trailed off a bit.

I looked at him before I scoffed and laid back down, closing my eyes. Why did I want to cry? Was I being selfish?

What happened to all those damn dreams? Our own place? The fucking kiddie pool and beers out on the balcony? This shit was too good to be true.

And it was sort of a surprise when a few days later I woke up to a text from Peter. He wasn't even in his apartment.

"What the fuck..?" I murmured, sitting up and rubbing my eyes awake. I read the message.

Fuck. The air was punched out of my lungs.

[minkshame]

I did want to reshare the SPARE CHANGES PLAYLIST complete with tracklist and key lyrics... under the cut

SECTION 1 (TORD):

Half a World Away (R.E.M.) - My hand's tired, my heart aches / I'm half a world away

Leaving New York (R.E.M.) - You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)

Dirty Imbecile (The Happy Fits) - When my heart starts beating, lungs stop breathing / All my fibers say to run away

Don't be Seen with Me (Oppenheimer Analysis) - I kept things under strict control / Resisted all diversion

How to Disappear Completely (Radiohead) - That there, that's not me

You've Got to Hide Your Love Away (The Beatles) - I can see them laugh at me, and I hear them say / Hey, you've got to hide your love away

Heart in a Cage (The Strokes) - See I'm stuck in a city, but I belong in a field

Back to the Old House (The Smiths) - Cause I never even told you / Oh and I meant to

Promise (Laufey) - And I should get a cigarette / For how much restraint

No Time to Explain (Good Kid) - It's been a while I've been out on my own / I'm in denial about living life alone

SECTION 2 (EDD):

I Guess He'd Rather be in Colorado (John Denver) - I guess he'd rather work / Out where the only thing you earn is what you spend

Give you My Lovin (Mazzy Star) - Cause you see, rain reminds me of you / And everything has turned to you

Hopelessly Devoted to You (Olivia Newton-John) - I know I'm just a fool who's willing / To sit around and wait for you

I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You (Charlie Burg) - And I can hear so clearly all the words I wish I'd said / You're stuck in my head

Mamma Mia (Austin Weber) - Yeah, I've been brokenhearted / Blue since the day we parted / Why why did I ever let you go?

Livin' With a Heartache (The Beach Boys) - I'm no good alone, you know-a everyone sees / That you left me alone with nothin' but a heartache

Oh Love (Delaney Bailey) - And I don't want to turn back time anymore / But I do miss when I thought that I was loved

Duvet (bôa) - But you know that it means so much / And you don't even feel a thing

I want you (Mitski) - We're starting over / And I love you darling

SECTION 3 (GENERAL):

The Less I Know The Better (Tame Impala) - I was doing fine without ya / til I saw your eyes turn away from mine

Pork Soda (Glass Animals) - Why can’t we laugh now like we did then? / How come I see you and ache instead?

Spare Hearts (Exit Mouse) - I know you’re afraid / Of making a big mistake / But you’re just what I need / Spare me the fear

Les maudits mots d'amour (Le rouge et le Noir) - Mais dans l'ivresse de tes bras / Tout le reste vole en éclat, / Vole en éclat.

SECTION 4 (LOW POINT):

If I can't be yours (Loren & Mash) - I realize / We're not the same / And it's making me sad / Cause we can't fulfill our dreams in this life

Memento Mori (Red Vox) - Could it be, the presence of memory / Is all we are, all we'll ever be?

I Know It’s Over (The Smiths) - And it never really began / But in my heart it was so real

Sparks (Coldplay) - My Heart is yours / It's you that I hold on to

Turtles All The Way Down (Sammy Copley)- And I’m aware / That it’s not fair / To bring you here then send you on your way / You had so much to say / And to ask

Door (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME) - If I'm out of line / Just show me the door / I promise you I / Won't come here no more

SECTION 5 (HAPPY ENDING):

Scary Love (The Neighborhood) - No one has ever cared for me / as much a you do

It's Been a Long Long Time (Harry James) - You'll never know how many dreams I've dreamed about you / Or how empty they all seemed without you

Those Eyes (New West) - I close my eyes and all I see is you / And the small things you do

Heart to Heart (Mac Demarco) - To all the days we were together / To all the time we played apart / In each other's lives

Another Believer (Rufus Wainwright) - And give me just one more chance, one more glance

Home (Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros) - Man oh man you're my best friend / I scream it to the nothingness

Genesis (Jourma Kaukonen) - And there I found myself with you / When breathing felt like something new, new / Along with you

[gaytkachuk]

saw these sad little leon gifs from after tonight's game and got really sad and decided he is insane and decided to call matthew to process and leon, to be honest, doesn't really even know why he calls? it just. makes sense for him? so he says fuck it, and dials.

Pretty much just dialogue nonsense. i am also sleepy like matthew so dont expect much and gnight, enjoy a crumb under the cut

--------------------

It’s late when Matthew’s phone rings. 

In his sleep syrupy voice, “H’llo?”

No one answers.

“M’sorry, I think you have the wrong–”

“Tkachuk?”

Matthew pauses, tries to place the voice. “Um. Yeah?” 

He can hear the person on the other end of the line breathe out slowly, “It’s Leon.” The voice is tense, like its owner is gritting his teeth, ripping off a bandaid. 

Leon? Matthew racks his brain, trying to figure out who– oh. Oh.

“Leon, hey. Uh. What’s up man?” 

“I just–” Leon breathes out, “This is stupid.” 

Matthew sighs, sits up in bed, turns on the light like this is a conversation happening face to face, “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah. I mean. No. Everything’s fucked. But I’m… I’m fine.” 

Matthew hums. If the guy wants to share more, he will. 

It’s quiet for a while, nearly too long.

“Well if that’s–”

“I needed someone to talk to.”

“Okay…” 

“Someone outside of… all this.”

“What’s happening? Am I like your lifeline on a trivia show? Do I need to help you to pick between B and D? Because i gotta tell you, I’m picking D everytime.”

Leon huffs and Matthew knows it’s nearly a laugh. Good. He can do this. He can be annoying, he can distract Leon from whatever his problem is. 

“God. No, I’m just. I miss. Listen, I miss our rivalry. Miss the fire of it. Miss being passionate and it fucking mattering. And. We just. We’re fucking up as this season and I don’t think I can do this. I can’t lose again, Tkachuk. We’ve got a perfect team on paper and it’s not working out there on the ice. I’m watching this fucking castle burn to the ground and I feel like I can’t do anything to stop it. I’ve got a fucking bucket of water or something and it’s not enough. It’s never– I’m not enough.”  

Matthew’s there, head back against his headboard, breathing, listening, thinking what the hell is going on and why me and I don’t think I’ve ever heard Leon Draisaitl speak more than ten words at a time. But. He can do this. Does this well. Loves, relentlessly, uncaring for his own self. 

And this, whatever this is, it’s not love. They don’t speak. Haven’t since. Well. And that’s fine! Leon chose. Matthew didn’t try either. But Matthew can do this. He can treat it like love for a fleeting moment at 2 in the morning, cradle it in his hands and mend it so it’s not so broken anymore. 

“Leon, hey, slow down there. Take a breath with me.” Leon’s quiet for a moment, Matthew is too. 

“First of all, you, you have to know, Leon, you are more than enough. So talented, and hardworking, you know yourself, you trust yourself. And even though this fucking ocean of doubt is swallowing you up, you have to–” Matthew laughs a little, knows it’s ridiculous when he says, “you have to be like Dory and just– keep swimming.” 

Leon groans on the other end of the line, mumbles something akin to ‘I fucking hate the ocean.'

“Listen, I admire you. You’re a hell of a player– not many guys can play with Connor fucking McDavid and make him better, but you do. You’re part of something bigger than yourself. If you keep at it, it’ll come together into something great. I promise. And, hell, I wish I had half of the belief in myself that you do, like it’s something I can tell when I’m around you on the ice. As sure as gravity. You know what you’re capable of, sure of yourself, and I wish that was me.

“So, don’t give me any ‘I can’t do this’ bullshit because yes, you can. You are. Not every game is gonna work out, even my season’s off to a shitty start, but we keep persevering because the wins feel better than the losses, and it’s worth it to chase that. And in the losses? You push to figure who you are. You’ll make yourself better for when the highs come rolling through. Y’know? You’re great, you know you are, but who are you when your greatness is stripped away? That’s the thing you need to figure out, that’s how you persevere. Fight for that piece of yourself, the one that cares so much you called me to ask for advice. 

“Sorry. I should stop talking. But. Y’know. You’re special, even if you are a dick.” 

“Thank you, Matthew.” 

Matthew’s breath hitches a little bit, cherishes the softness in Leon’s voice. 

“‘Course.” 

“I’ve missed you.” 

“I-," Matthew feels like he's gotten the wind knocked out of his lungs, "Me too... You’re gonna be okay, you know that, right?” 

“Yeah. I- I think I know now.” 

“Okay. Well.”

“I should let you go.” 

“I don’t want you to.” 

“Oh I meant–” 

“Shit, right. Sorry, tired.” 

“You should go, even though I want you to stay. How’s that?” 

“Better.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Goodnight, thank you.” 

“You owe me.” 

“The 19th? I can make it up to you then?”

“I want that.” 

“Good. Sleep well, Matthew.” 

Matthew hums, slips under his blankets, cradles his phone next to his ear and drifts to sleep. Leon sleeps too.

[solar--spectrum]

-Hey, I don't hate you.-

I look at the message. I dont actually know if it's true anymore. I delete it.

-I'm sorry this morning was hard. Do you need anything?-

I shrink in disgust, wondering if I hadn't been gentle with him if it would have turned out any other way. She hugs her knees tighter. Deleted.

-Did you seriously fucking say you hate me?-

He shakes behind me. A demon crushed by the weight of his friendships, feeling the loss of two in one go as his only other friend sinks into my partner system. We shake our heads together. We delete it.

-Hey. I know you're trying your best.-

How and why do you know that? Because he says he is? Because he doesn't want to try any harder anymore? Because of how hard this is for you? You didn't hurt anyone like this until you were assaulted. You've never hurt someone for no reason like this. You saw yourself getting like this and became a father to 30 rats so they couldn't steal your gentleness. Deleted.

-Are you okay?-

He's not. He hasn't been. He's not okay and he's not going to get better. Delete it.

-If you want to move out so damn badly, just leave already-

Take the 3 months given to us. We might die at the end of it. At least take the 3 months of misery in the sun. Even if our demise is imminent, recently it has been the first time I've wanted to wake up every day. Take as much time as possible if it can stay like this. Please just delete it.

-I waited for you to hang out with me for over a year. I kept our alcohol stocked. I didn't drink without you. You never came back.-

The alcoholic cries more than most. He's always been sad without his friend. He finds himself on the precipice, unable to see what's actually in the dark drop below him. He hears an unfamiliar voice from the bottom, the voice carressing his favorite words. He deletes the message.

-I knew getting close to anyone at all was a mistake. I want you to know, you've ruined me the rest of the way for my friends. You told me I could trust you to be my best friend. My most treasured and sensitive role, one still actively bleeding from the time I ripped the last one out of myself, still beating. I almost felt okay with it for a while. I was nearly comfortable fitting you in that space. Now, even if I ever find a person that fills that space, it's a permanently bleeding hole. Once it seemed like something that would heal over and we'd find ourselves together and happy on the other side. Now I get to show the space to people as many times as I'm still willing to try. What am I supposed to say? I'm sorry I can't stop bleeding anymore, time can't heal wounds when you have scurvy? And the worst part of it all? I cut more away to even make you fit there. And you never fit. I was just wrong.-

I'm bitter. I know that. He never liked me. I'm not the demon. Or the rat man. Or the alcoholic. Or the cook. Or the caregiver. I'm the one who keeps us alive. I'm the one who thinks. I'm the one who decides. And you know what? Me stepping back made you worse because now you have to make your decisions without me.

Deletes it.

[chimscake]

𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙸𝚃 𝙼𝙴𝙰𝙽𝚂 𝚃𝙾 𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙸𝙵𝙴𝚂𝚃 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙳𝙴𝙿𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚈

And tips on how to do it based on my experience

By now you should know the basics of manifestation and how easy and straightforward it actually is: saturate your mind, affirm, visualize and know that you have it.

This process is not the easiest for people who are met with horrible feelings such as emptiness, worthlessness and the feeling that no matter what, things can only get worse.

First af all, let me point out that if this is your case, your feelings are completely normal and you shouldn't blame yourself for the situations that you are currently met with. Be gentle with yourself, forgive the thoughts you had and the words you spoke, no matter how ugly they were: in order to leave this situation in the past you cannot hold grudges towards your own self.

Stop Identifying with what You don't Want

Take a deep breath. Inhale and collect in the air in your lungs all your worries and negative thoughts, to then blow them outside of you as you exhale. Decide that from this moment onwards, you will not identify as sad, depressed, anxious or any other negative state of mind that is ruining your perception of life. Manifestations boils down to self identification, you are what you think of yourself, and you have the ability to change your self concept whenever. Always keep this in mind.

You have to decide for yourself that you are not these ugly things anymore, that they don't define you anymore. And the best part is you do not have to wait around but you can start identifying with your perfectly mentally healthy self RIGHT NOW.

Since the day I decided to do this for myself, things have only gotten better and better. I will admit that there have been down moments where I needed to remind myself of who I truly was, but only in a matter of weeks you will naturally stop identifying with any negative state of mind.

I used to go to therapy because of my state of mind, but once I stopped identifying as someone who was depressed, I felt like I was talking about another person whenever I was describing my negative feelings to my therapist: those feelings I was describing weren't part of me anymore.

Stop Consuming Content that Glorifies Sadness and Stop Associating with People who do the Same

I cannot stress enough how important this is. If you tend to see content of this kind when scrolling through tiktok or social media in general, your natural reaction will be to associate with it and your mind will naturally go "i feel the same, i feel depressed and life sucks".

Turn it around:

"No, i dont feel this way, life is actually perfect"

"I control my own life so it is perfect"

It would be better to cut this content out completely, but in case you were to randomly encounter it, don't relate to it in your mind and don't identify with it.

Be Gentile with Yourself

Never be harsh and pretend too much. Always keep in mind that manifestation is instant and that the only one that can make things better is YOU, it all boils down to YOU.

But this isn't an excuse to stress: do what makes you comfortable and give yourself time to adjust to this change you are making within yourself.

Also always remember that even with the most perfect self concept ever, you are still going to feel just meh some days and that's totally fine, what's important is that you are always happy and getting everything that you want in your thoughts and imagination.

Thank you for reading and I hope this post has helped you, for any questions or anything else you can leave a comment or DM me.

Chimscake

[frisbs]

Hello i saw you open request for mk character (including Harrow lol)

Can i request a fic where reader found out she was used by Harrow for finding Ammit and he didn't actually love her ? And now the issue was Ammit disappointed as Harrow disrespected the reader and now it's up to her giving him a second chance for him to actually love her

(If you dont mind, the reader is afab with gender neutral look)

The reverberations from Ammit's throat, both laugh and crocodilian growl, echoed off the cold stone walls of the Chamber of the Gods and startled Harrow where he knelt planning with the other disciples.

"My goddess, what bothers you?" he whispered, furtively raising his eyes toward the towering reptilian figure. Her golden slit eyes rolled momentarily to him, and the corner of her mouth tightened, as her snout pointed sternly to the doorway of the chamber.

"Arthur Harrow," she purred. "Your house is in disorder."

A chill ran through him as he followed her gaze to the doorway, where a figure stood, a knife clenched and trembling in one hand at her side, teeth gritted, eyes ablaze as she bravely raised them and found Ammit. His heart ached, torn by the fear of disappointing and losing Ammit's favor (which, with all he had studied, seemed still plausible, inevitable even despite her assertions) and the apprehension of letting down this gentle soul. He exhaled, letting the anticipation of pain travel down loosened limbs, until his right hand curled around the goddess's ceremonial axe, reluctant.

"My friend," he greeted, not hiding the sadness in his voice as he stood, the axe held loosely at his side as she stood there trembling, ready to strike him down if he closed the distance. Not that she could, anymore. He could feel the goddess's power and protection within him, twining with his will.

"Friend. Is that all we were?" she scoffed, eyes shining with rage. She tilted her chin at the goddess. "I see you got what you wanted."

He stepped past the disciples, who parted and kept their heads down, quieting. He did not want them to see this. But honest was painful. And they deserved that much.

He smiled gently, bitterly, unworried by the knife in her hand.

"You're right," he whispered. "You had something I needed. And I lied. I had to make a choice, between you, and her…" He remembered. How it used to be, with Khonshu. How it was to be an avatar, and to have a life, and the trail of pain that he had never been able to shake. Until he cut everything away, until he was left without love, and without faith. He drew a pained breath and finished, "There was never going to be room for both of you."

Ammit balked, a snarl erupting from her that Arthur felt in his chest, and a flash of heat in the axe at his side.

"I owe you my freedom Arthur Harrow, but you speak the words of a self-righteous fool. I am not here to fill the hole in your heart."

He wavered, waiting for her to finish the thought. Then…What was she here for? What had he done? He suppressed the doubt and pressed his lips together, his own eyes wet as he met his partner's flinching gaze.

"Fix. Your. House. And let us commence with the real work here." She paced.

"Darling," he whispered, desperate, as he saw rage coalescing in his partner's eyes. He folded his left hand over her fist, restraining the blade.

"You chose her, and you didn't even have to?"

"I'm learning. I've never done this before, you see—"

"But you have!"

"Never well. Never successfully, as an avatar. I didn't want to hurt you."

She glared. It was obvious, he had hurt her.

"Darling," his voice lowered softer and softer. "I have to be ready, to give everything, you understand. After tonight? I don't know. If there will be anything left for you. Or me!"

He smiled, tilted his head, self-deprecating, trying to make a joke, and released his hold on her knife as he felt the tension go out of her arms.

She flung her arms around him, and he stiffened, startled by the warmth and comforting scent of her skin.

"Then why the hell did you plan to face this alone?" she gasped into the crook of his neck. Gingerly, he folded his arms around her in an embrace.

--

Thank you! This was really fun to write; I've been wanting to try to get in Harrow's head for a while.

[alyssalikestoreadbooks]

The Way I Used to Be - Amber Smith

"Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart."

Read Date - October 2024

Length - 385 pages

Genre - Contemporary, Mental Health, Romance

Rating - 10/10

Stars - ★★★★★

Notes - The start of this book is so visceral and real, and triggering and honest, and everything it needs to be. It talks about victim blaming, self shaming, and the fear survivors are facing when it comes to directly after the event. We see Eden trying to navigate her life, believing that nobody will trust or believe her if she talked about the fact that Kevin raped her.  The high school dynamic directly after the attack is such a culture shocking moment for me because it really affirms that life just goes on whether you want it to or not. No matter how much you want to fall apart, it keeps chugging along, and its maddening to watch play out. The book club is a cute way for Eden to spend time with other people, while also getting away from the people at lunch. Edens downfall throughout freshmen year, and the way she lacks to cope with this is evident throughout every moment she's written in. It's poignant and sad and it sticks out to me. It's realistic. The rage and upset that survivors feel. Josh being understanding of Eden's need to leave during sexual situations is honestly such a relief. I dont know if i (or eden) couldve handled another person who takes advantage of her at this stage in the story. Josh and Eden finally having sex and it going wrong is also a hard hitting scene that i feel needed to be written. It's what a lot of people struggle through after an event like this, and it's important to talk about it in relation to Edens love life. teenagers arent chaste, and eden is trying to reclaim her life through sex, teenager or not. Josh being there after Edens fight with her parents is sweet. He's a genuinely good guy and i like how he has her best interest at heart. He doesn't want her to be on drugs because it benefits him, but also because it harms her. Obviously, she isn't, and it's even sweeter that he wanted to be there for her after realizing she had been crying, and eventually learning about the fight with her parents. Eden not being honest about her age is a big deal, but it also goes to show that people use the word rape so freely when it has a set definition. Josh triggering Eden is to be expected, considering he doesn't know, she wont tell him, and feels like she cant. Kevin assaulting her again goes to show that he deserved HELL HE NEEDS DEATH SHE SHOULDVE STABBED HIM!!!!! Eden getting high with strangers was such an exciting moment for her, and she got to let loose and just be a crazy teenager for once. This going downhill makes sense though, as eden begins to lie to Troys brother about her age to have sex with him. He's bound to find out eventually, and i don't like the idea of the fallout that comes with it. It's stressful and annoying. Eden remembering how Kevin groomed her in a dream is such a horrific thing because its IS family and friends. Eden's brother catching her at the party was so crazy and Eden having a breakdown is just as crazy as the first part. The fallout between her brother and Eden was shocking to me. Cameron is such a dick and i hope he also gets his karma. People are just so evil to people struggling through their own problems. Steve and Eden mightve had a chance had cameron not done that, but he did, and now eden will NEVER take steve back. why would she? He ruined anything good that couldve come out of this. Kevin assaulting another girl is statistically accurate, and Eden comparing herself to the girl who reported is so sad. It's crazy to think that this story got even darker than it already was. the details of how the rape took place made me shake just listening to it. it's so real and vicarial and the reveal that it's a dream, or a memory, is so shocking. It's all insane to me. It's hard to take it all in. The detective scenes give me peace, and i love how it was all handled. I love that Amanda reported. Eden having a flashback and a panic attack was such an interesting scene, and perfectly represented how it feels to be stuck in a cycle. Josh being there and reconnecting with Eden when she's older is so cool to me, because she needed him. Not romantically, even, just in general. To speak to, and say her truth to. He was the first person she loved after being raped, and the first person she was with and cared about, and that matters to her. She needs closure, and thats so valid. She also needs a COURT CASE!!!!!! The way she tells him is so perfect for her and it makes sense, and its a trace that she said something. It makes it real. Her finally telling Josh was also perfect for me. The reveal that Eden doesnt want to be with HIM was also a big wow factor, like she's grown so much. I can see them getting together in the second book potentially now that theyre both of age. And then Caelin finding out about the rape was such a big moment. He finally knows, and helps her report it. They go into detail how the system revictimized survivors and i just think it was a good and accurate scene all around. I think the sequencing of the book was perfect. Freshmen, sophomore, junior, and senior. The assault, the lack of coping, the downfalls and dessent into self destruction, and in the end, a sense of retribution. in some manner, in some way. It ties together perfectly. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect book. I think it's so exposing and raw and touches on all the emotions you want to tuck away and hide from the public. Reading this was like opening old wounds all over again, and i can imagine how being in a bad state in your life would make reading this a very triggering and bad read for you. It was amazing for me. I loved this book a lot. I literally can't get over how perfect it was for me, and I cant wait to pick up the second book immedietely

[keroppidreams]

oh right, i almost forgot about this but ginklara angst thoughts under the cut (spoilers for be forever yorozuya movie and warning for mentions of death) (happy late anni, BFY!)

day 1 of gin's disappearance: klara isn't worried. when kagura and pachi ask if shes seen him, she assumes that he's probably fooling around in a pachinko parlor or got drunk and passed out at a random corner. ...actually the latter is a bit concerning considering someone could easily steal 300 yen from him, so she keeps an eye out for him. plans on giving him a lecture and reminding him to be more careful in the future.

day 3 of gin's disappearance: now she's panicking. something is definitely wrong. he wouldn't just leave out of the blue. sure, he gets into some weird and concerning shit at times, but that only lasts for, like, 2 manga chapters or anime episodes! He would've been back by now! she starts having trouble concentrating at work and decides to take the time off to help kagura and pachi search for him.

day 7 of gin's disappearance: shinsengumi hasn't seen him, nobody has encountered him in yoshiwara, hell, even zura hasn't seen him running around. did he somehow hitch a ride to space?? see, this is why she keeps trying to convince him to get a cell phone in case of emergencies, but nooo, he's too damn stubborn! ...stupid gin.

day 10 of gin's disappearance: ...now that she thought about it, he was acting a little strange a couple days before his disappearance. he kept staring off into space, even when someone was talking to him. she half-jokingly asked if he was late on rent again. he told her to piss off, so she reminded him that he can talk to her if there's something on his mind. they could even talk it over some parfaits at tenny's (not that it's a date or anything ofcoursenot).

he looked a bit sad when she told him that.

days turn into weeks, then months. her time on earth is starting to run out as her family and friends back on her home planet are asking when she's coming back. they mention that they heard theres a plague spreading around edo, and they don't want her to get sick. she reassures them that she'll return home soon, she's just waiting for someone. plus, she needs to keep an eye on some of her friends, or else they might get into trouble---especially sacchan. she's been pushing herself too hard as of late.

i'm not sure when exactly in the timeline kagura and pachi find the journal and learn that gin is "dead", but when klara finds out, shes baffled. theyre playing a prank on her, right? theres no way gin would die by eating poisonous mushrooms after going on a quest to search for something! the journal has to be fake...there's no way...maybe pachi read the entries wrong! sure, she isn't an expert in earthling language, but there's plenty of homophones and strange grammar rules! maybe gin meant to write something else down, but made a mistake and as a result, the sentence got misconstrued!

she tries so hard to hold back her tears as she offers her hypothesis, but gradually starts breaking down when she sees kagura and pachi's expressions before accepting that he's gone.

eventually, as the white plague worsens, she ends up returning to her planet despite her reluctance (will the kids be okay? ...though now that she thought about it, they dont look like kids anymore. theyve gotten taller. how would gin feel if he saw them now? maybe he'd feel old...). but before she does, she looks around the office one last time, trying to etch all the details into her mind. a part of her is expecting to see gin lounging on the couch or sitting at his desk, reading jump.

she doesnt.

klara ends up leaving earth. though she stays in contact with everyone, she doesn't find out the truth about gin's disappearance, and continues to believe that her first love disappeared one day without saying a word and died by consuming poisonous mushrooms. though it's not like the truth would make her feel any better.