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whatsk-poppinhomies · 2 years ago

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Pairing : Kang Yeosang x F!Reader TW : mainly fluff ; just a little bit of angst ; long distance relationship ; pregnancy ; children ; Word Count : 9.3k A/N : First Ateez related fic!! Woooo!! Let me know what you think, if you like it, reblog it, comment, ya know. If you want to read more Ateez content from me, request something, anything.

Yeosang wasn’t lonely in the way that most would think when the word was said. He always had people around, he was surrounded by the other members and staff, he was surrounded by fans that doted upon every single thing that he did. It was nice, but it wasn’t everything. Outwardly, he wasn’t lonely at all, it probably seemed like he had everything a person could ever need. Inside though, he was as lonely as anyone could be. He had people in his life, sure… But he didn’t have someone in his life. Someone that would chase away that lonely feeling, make him feel loved like no one else ever could. He needed it, he craved it, he longed to share his life with someone that would support him and be there for him.

It was a tour stop, and at this point in the lineup, he couldn’t even remember where the plane had landed. He was tired, his body was exhausted, and the only thing keeping him going was the thought of how upset the fans would be if he didn’t make it to one of the concerts. Of course, mental and physical health were far more important, but there were only a couple more stops after this one and then he’d be able to go home.

There was a fan meet after this particular concert, something that he wasn’t really used to doing, but he didn’t have a problem with it. He’d be able to sit down for a bit and talk to the people that loved him and adored him, the people that made his life what it was now.

He was a mess, sweaty and still slightly breathless from being on stage just a couple minutes ago before being rushed into a small room off to the side to start the fan meet. Only a few fans got in, something that upset him considering he’d love to meet every single one of the ATINYs that had been out in the crowd today, but he didn’t have any say in it, he essentially just went along with whatever the managers said.

Now, this is where the story gets a little crazy, and he’s sure that most people would just assume that he had met a fan, someone that caught his eye in the lineup of ATINYs that had gotten the meet and greet pass. Sure, any connection would be special, but this one just felt different, and it had started just as differently as it felt.

There was a clock that hung above the exit door that had been propped open, and he had taken a split second to look at the clock, wondering when he’d be able to go back to his hotel and get some rest. That’s when he saw you, and it felt like fate that he had looked at the clock exactly then. You just so happened to be walking by, taking a moment to stop and look into the room, and his eyes instantly locked with yours. There was an immediate connection, he knew that, he could feel it in his bones.

You smiled shyly at him, giving him a quick wave of your fingers before starting to walk off again. That couldn’t be it, no, there had to be more. He pushed himself away from the table, politely excusing himself and apologizing to the fans that had been lined up to meet him so that he could rush out the exit door, much to the surprise of the managers and the other members.

“Ah… w-wait!” He called out, his eyes drawn to the back of your head, immediately spotting you just by your hair, the color of it already memorized by him. You stopped in the middle of the parking lot, the wind whipping your hair around your face as you turned to face him, shock overtaking your features when you realized that you had been called out to by him. “Sorry… I just… Hi.”

He felt so shy, it was like meeting up with someone that he had been waiting to see for forever, and now you were finally in front of him, his nerves causing his stomach to churn. You giggled lightly, the sound beautiful when mingled with the wind that rustled the tree leaves and whistled through the air. “Hi…” You sheepishly responded, your hand moving up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear as you shyly smiled back to him.

You were so beautiful, and even more so up close. He was absolutely tongue tied, it was like every single word that he had ever learned to say left his mind, he didn’t know how to speak, he didn’t know how to form even one word, all he could manage was opening and closing his mouth as he continued to look at you.

“Did… Did I forget something? I didn’t think they’d send you out to give it back…” You said, eyes wavering to break the slightly uncomfortable eye contact that was held the entirety of his silence, but your words had him quickly shaking his head. He remembered why he was there, he was there because he wanted to talk to you, he needed to talk to you, he needed to make sure that what he felt back in that room wasn’t just a fluke in his emotions.

“I wanted to see you.” He responded and your eyes widened as they finally landed on him once more. You pointed at yourself, silently questioning if he was serious, and he excitedly nodded his head yes. His feelings were right, everything that he felt when he first looked at you were valid, he still felt them now. You were the one, and fate had in fact set everything up for this moment to happen. “Is that okay?” He questioned your silence, and just as he had, your head motioned just as quickly as he had that it was okay.

It’s crazy to think that two people could hit it off so quickly, it was almost like you had never been strangers at any point, like he had known you his entire life. He was thankful that this stop lasted a couple days, it meant more time with you, and he tried not to dwell on the fact that he’d have to leave. Countless hours were spent together, and most of the time you’d go to his hotel room, talking about everything and anything either of you could think of. Your laughter had filled the room and his ears so many times that even when you left, it was like he could still hear it, resonating off the walls and twinkling in the air around him. It made him feel like you were still there, and that comforted him.

You showed him around your city, taking him to some of your favorite places, your favorite restaurants, little spots that most people in the city didn’t know about but you did, and you’d call it your secret spot where you’d hide away to try to escape the stresses and mundaneness that regular life brought with it. “One day, I’ll show you around my city.” He said as he walked with you down the sidewalk, thankful that he wasn’t recognized by anyone that walked by. He was able to be normal, something that he was beyond grateful that he got to experience with you.

“Yeah?” You mused, your clasped hands swinging back and forth as you both walked aimlessly, simply enjoying the limited time that you had together. The both of you knew that it would come to an end soon, so you tried to make the most of it. “I’d like that a bunch, Yeosang.” You murmured, but he watched your face fall as you said it, your eyes falling to the ground.

“What is it?” He asked, stopping completely to turn in your direction, his attention entirely on you and he wanted you to know that. “You think I won’t, that I don’t actually want to?” He posed, throwing out the questions but hoping that you wouldn’t agree to any of them. He had hoped that he had proven to you that you were far more than just a fan or some random girl that he wanted to hook up with during the tour. You were so much more than that to him, that’s why the thought of leaving you would have him up for hours at night once he laid in bed, tears stinging his eyes at the thought of the loneliness he’d feel once he was away from you.

Your head nodded, the mere motion of it screaming your sadness. That was the saddest part of it, the fact that your face was still wearing the same beautiful smile that it had on earlier, but you were radiating a sorrow that had Yeosangs heart aching. ��It’s not like… I’ll be able to go with you… and you won’t be coming back here any time soon.” You said dejectedly, your bottom lip beginning to tremble and you quickly pulled it between your teeth to stop it. His mouth opened to speak, but you shook your head quickly. “And you can say one day, give me a little bit of hope that this is more than what it really is… But one day is nothing more than a vague timeframe that’s easier to give because all of this is nothing more than a fling.”

“That’s not true…” He murmured, his hand holding yours tightly, scared that you’d try to pull away from him. His thumb brushed over your knuckles to try to soothe your ever wandering mind, to let you know that he’s there, that he’d always be there. “This is more than that… this is way more than that… You mean more than that to me. I don’t want to go home, I wish that I didn’t have to, I wish that I could take you with me.”

“That’s crazy… This whole thing is crazy…” You murmured, your eyes still downcast as you sniffled softly.

“I know it is.” He whispered, his hand coming up under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him. “That’s why I know it’s right. Everything is going to work, I know it will. Believe me… Believe in us. We’ll be fine.” He leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead, the corners of his lips turning up when he saw your eyes close and your cheeks pull up, creasing your eyes in the corners.

Us. He loved that word, it meant the two of you together, he believed that the two of you would be together as long as you both wanted it to work, and god, he wanted it to work, he needed it to work. Every single moment with you was like a breath of fresh air, you brought a feeling to him that he could only describe as feeling complete. There was no amount of distance in the world that would ruin that or take that feeling away from him either. In the deepest part of himself, he knew that you were the one for him, you were his soulmate, he believed in that wholeheartedly, and with that belief, he knew that he could make it work no matter the distance that would be put between the two of you once he left.

The three days that he got to spend with you felt like both a lifetime, and far too short. No amount of time with you would ever be enough unless he was able to be beside you forever, but you both understood that he had a career, he had fans, he had a home that he had to go back to. That home would feel a little less like a home though once he got back, you wouldn’t be there, and it’s not like you had ever been in his home before, but he found in you a home that he longed to live in, you just carried that feeling in you.

“You have everything you need?” You asked, your tone bittersweet as you stood off to the side as he made his way through the TSA line. You were trying to hold back your tears, and for a while it was working well, you were doing a great job at it, but when he looked into your eyes you couldn’t help but choke back a small sob. He had given you a lifetime of memories in three short days, and while he promised that he’d keep in touch, a small part of you wondered if he truly meant it, or if he’d land in Korea and forget about you once he was there.

“No…” He murmured, his tone matching your own as he reached out to grab your hand. “I don’t have you… I won’t have you when I land.” His lips pulled down into a frown, and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him, to let him know that he’d always have you, but there were so many people around, you were already risking enough standing so close to him for so long.

“You can call me, or text me… I don’t care what time it is… I want to know you made it home safely.” He nodded his head, his own eyes becoming glossy as he drew closer to the TSA agent, the both of you knowing that once he made it there, you wouldn’t be beside him anymore. He didn’t know if his heart would be able to handle it, but he tried to stay strong, knowing that if he started crying it would only make things harder for you. “Promise you’ll text me when you land…” You rushed out the whispered words, struggling to hold his hand just a little longer the closer he got, but your time was running out, you only had a couple seconds left.

“I promise… I promise I’ll text you, I’ll call you every single day… I promise.” He said just as fast, holding up the line as he refused to let you go. “I’ll come back soon… Don’t worry… Okay? I will…” He whispered urgently, visibly swallowing back the lump in his throat as one of the men in his security team reluctantly pushed him towards the agent who was impatiently waiting for him, his hand falling limp once it was out of yours. Would his promise really hold up, or was he just saying it to make you happy one last time? You stuck around a little longer, watching as he walked through the gate, his head constantly turning back to look at you, a sad smile playing on his lips as he waved goodbye before turning the corner and going out of view.

“You’re up really late, love.” Yeosangs voice came through your headphones as you laid in bed, staring up at your ceiling, unable to stop smiling as you listened to him speak. “Honey, did you fall asleep?” He asked, and you quickly made a sound of disagreement, rolling over to your side to tap your phone screen, your heart fluttering at the picture that adorned your lock screen of him and you together.

“I’m still awake, was just listening.” You murmured, feeling a little shy at admitting to it, but it’s not like you hadn’t told him the same thing multiple times before. “Are you busy? Do you have to go back to work?” You asked, propping your head up on your hand to try to keep yourself from succumbing to your tiredness and stifling the yawn that threatened to escape.

“No, I just know that you have to work tomorrow, and if you don’t get enough sleep you might hurt yourself and I’ll feel guilty for keeping you up all night.” He mused, and you could hear through your headphones the sound of him shifting around and then people talking in the background. “Maybe I should end the call now, so you can rest. You can call me when you wake up.”

“W-Wait…” You stammered out, taking a deep breath as you sat up in your bed. “I have to tell you something.” Now those words shouldn’t have produced a reaction such as the one that Yeosang had, beads of sweat forming on his forehead as his heart raced, his mouth going dry and his stomach sinking. He was thankful that he wasn’t video calling you, but he wondered if you could hear his breaths get more raspy and heavier with each second of silence that passed. “Do you uhm… remember… that one night that we… you know…” You stammered, and his stomach was filled with butterflies as he replayed the memory in his mind, a memory that he was constantly thinking back on, dreaming about the day he’d get to recreate it with you.

“Yeah… I remember…” He whispered bashfully, glad that the guys weren’t around to watch his cheeks glow red as images replayed in his mind of that night. “Wh-What about it? Is everything okay?” Had you come to regret it, maybe thinking too much about it and what people would think if they found out? Or maybe you had missed the feeling of being intimate with someone like you had been with him that night, maybe you had gone to someone else to get what he couldn’t give you from miles away.

You were silent for far too long, and his heart was both sinking and speeding up at the same time, and it had him feeling nauseous and lightheaded. If you could just say something, anything that would be able to stop the feeling that he had right now. “Yeosang, I’m pregnant.” Anything but that. It’s not that he didn’t want a family, the idea of having one one day had crossed his mind many times, but not right now, not at the peak of his career.

He didn’t know what to say, but he knew that if he was silent for too long you’d assume the worst, and although his mind was working overtime to make sense of what he had just heard, he had to pause for a moment and actually talk to you. “How uhm… How far… Are you?” He stumbled over his words, unable to sound calm in any way, but he hoped that you’d be able to understand why. “16 weeks…” You whispered, and it was like a gut punch. “16 weeks?! That’s… That’s like… Like 4 months already, Y/N!”

All attempts at even trying to be calm had been thrown to the wind at this point. The math added up, unless you had managed to find the time to be with someone else when he wasn’t with you, but he was with you so much when he was there, and the two of you were always on the phone once he had gotten back to Korea, it seemed impossible for something like that, for someone else to be the father. “I didn’t even know until a day ago… It’s not like I was hiding it from you!” You practically shouted back, but he could hear you sniffling and he was hit with immediate regret for snapping at you. “I didn’t think that it was possible… I mean, we were only together like that once when you were here and… I thought I was just stressed lately about my new job and that’s why I wasn’t getting my period… But then I started getting sick and I went to the doctors and they took blood work and… Here she is..”

“She?” He softly repeated the single word, his eyes brimming with tears as he thought about it. He had a daughter, not entirely, she wasn’t truly here yet, but she was, and she was his. He had so much to think about now. He loved his job, he loved the guys, he loved his fans… But he loved you, and his heart had already seemed to grow twice in size just to make room for his little girl. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna figure out what to do. Everything will be okay, I promise. I love you, you won’t be alone… I swear.”

It took a while, countless hours of meetings with managers who felt the need to drag the other guys into it as well. He didn’t want to tell them yet, and he surely didn’t want to tell them while surrounded by the people that could potentially put a pause to the group and everything they did. A part of him felt guilty, the possibility of the group being forced to disband by the managers if he did decide to leave loomed over his head.

The guys didn’t even know that he and you were together, and that you had been together for 4 months even, so the news of a child was shocking to them, almost as shocking as it had been to him. The assumptions flew around, something that Yeosang had expected, but it still hurt to think that the guys thought he was capable of doing some of the things they assumed.

Once he started explaining though, everyone seemed to calm down, although they were still shocked that he had made a mistake like this, an accusation that he quickly shut down. His daughter was in no way a mistake, she simply came a little early, and that’s what he had told everyone that was sitting at the table, including the managers. “I’m going. I need to be there for her… I’m not leaving the group, but I’d much rather be put on a personal hiatus maybe… You can tell the fans that I just need time for personal health. I don’t want them to know about her yet…”

In the end, it was agreed upon that he would fly to you and stay with you, an agreement that had him able to relax just a little. He’d still have his career, and when the announcement was made to the public they were more than supportive even though they didn’t really know what was going on, all of the fans were patiently awaiting his return. Now he could focus solely on you and his daughter, something that was both nerve wracking and exciting to him.

He had been so nervous on the plane, fidgeting in his seat, unable to even rest for a moment no matter how long the flight was. He was anxious, his heart was racing, and the little screen on the back of the seat that showed the flight path had his stomach twisting into even tighter knots the closer the small plane animation got to where you were.

Things would be completely different now, he would live like a normal person, he would be able to spend every single day with you, he’d be able to go to the grocery store or the corner shops to get you what you needed. He’d be able to go shopping with you for everything that the two of you might need. It would all feel so new to him, but there was an excitement underlying, and as nervous as he was, he couldn’t help but smile as he thought about what it would be like to live with you this way.

Any little bit of fear that he had regarding what would come washed away as soon as he stepped off the plane and walked through the gates. His eyes landed on you immediately, it was like you were glowing, and he had read somewhere online during one of his late night research adventures that women would get a glow, but you were absolutely radiating such a brilliant light around you. It was like he could finally breathe again, and he realized now that the tightness that he had felt in his chest when he was back in Korea was simply a side effect of not being near you.

His feet carried him through crowds of people, people that didn’t recognize him, or they just didn’t seem like they cared enough to try to recognize him if he looked even slightly familiar. That was the best part about being normal. He could run to you, he could sweep you up into his arms and hug you tightly, finally mending that ache that had settled in his heart when he had left. “You look lovely…” He whispered when he set you down, stepping back to look you over, and even under his mask, you could see that he was smiling, his eyes creasing in the corners.

“I missed you.” Your voice was almost unheard over the noise that surrounded the two of you in the airport, but he heard you, your voice seeming to break through the droning loudness that encircled you both. “You look so tired… Did you sleep at all during your flight?” You questioned, brushing his hair away from his face to see the dark circles under his eyes. “Let’s get back to the house and you can rest for a while, you need to sleep.”

The idea of sleep seemed far-fetched, and while he had been exhausted the entire flight, now that he was there with you, he felt fully energized. He wanted to know everything about how you were feeling, about your doctor's visits that you had gone to when he was still in Korea. He wanted to talk to you, he wanted to just be close to you again. It felt like it had been forever since he got to hold you, hug you, kiss you or touch you. He didn’t want to sleep away his entire first day back with you.

Why did he feel so shy right now? Obviously he had been with you in ways that had the two of you closer than holding hands on the way out of the airport, but it was like being with you again had him clamming up, unable to even speak. “You uhm… You got big…” He mused, and you looked up at him, blinking your eyes a few times before dropping your head back down, staring at the ground as you wrapped your free arm around your stomach. “I… I didn’t mean it in a bad way…” He quickly blurted out, his head shaking fast as he squeezed your hand. “I mean… She’s… She’s bigger… I just didn’t really see in the video calls… You’re beautiful.”

He was rambling, but he didn’t want you to take offense, he truly thought that you were the most gorgeous girl in the whole world, and nothing would ever change that. “Right… yeah… Sorry…” You murmured, awkwardly giggling as you leaned against his arm. “I just… We haven’t seen each other in so long… I didn’t know what you’d think when you saw me now and…” He quickly shushed you, moving to stand in front of you so he could look directly at you.

“The way I feel now is… It’s no different from the way that I felt when I first saw you. I want to be with you, and now I’m able to. I love you, and that’s never going to change.” He reassured you, pulling down his mask enough to press a kiss to your forehead. “I can’t wait to finally be home with you.”

And he truly couldn’t, he was practically bouncing where he stood while waiting for the Uber to come, giddy about the thought of just being with you. He had promised you before he left that you’d be together, and while a child was unexpected, she had been the reason he had gotten to be with you now. The hiatus couldn’t last forever though, he wanted to spend as much time with you as possible, but he knew that even when he went back to working, he’d do everything he could, he’d find any way possible to be able to be with you and his daughter as much as possible. Right now though, he was all yours, and you were all his, and for at least the next 5 months he’d be able to just be with you.

Each and every day was spent waking up beside you and it would end with you falling asleep in his arms. It was like a dream come true for him, to see your face every single day and actually be able to touch you and kiss you, to not have to long for those things through his phone screen whenever you called him. He got to just live with you, and while it was a drastic change from what he was used to back in Korea, it was welcomed, he loved it.

He got to go to your doctor's appointments with you, and there was something so mesmerizing, so amazing about being able to actually be there for the scans, to watch his daughter move on the screen, to watch your stomach continue to grow while she was inside of you. It only made you even more astounding to him, and his love for you grew more than he ever thought it would.

He helped set up the nursery with you, and he helped you shop for her clothes and everything that you’d need. He loved every second of it, and he questioned why he was so scared in the first place. Everything seemed to be falling into place just right. There were no problems, the public had yet to find out about your relationship, let alone the fact that in a few short months he’d be a father. You were able to have a normal pregnancy, and he was able to be there for you like a regular boyfriend would be.

As you grew larger though and the due date moved closer, a new sadness took over. Soon he’d have to go back, he’d have to leave all of this behind, he’d have to leave not only you, but his newborn child behind to go back to work. How was he supposed to do that? How was he supposed to just casually walk out of your front door, not even knowing when he’d be able to come back? He loved his job, of course he did, he loved his fans who had given him the opportunity to meet you, but those two things also meant that he’d have to leave you to go back to them, and that thought had his heart aching.

The worst part is that the more he thought about it, the faster time seemed to go. Before he knew it, you were a week before your due date, your stomach swollen and covered in stretch marks that he’d rub cocoa butter over every night and every morning. Your back was constantly aching, and your ankles had grown double their original size, and even though he had been begging since the beginning of your 7th month to let him do things for you, you were hell bent on doing things on your own still. This part of you made him love you and adore you, admire you more than he already had.

Time continued to speed by, and in what felt like the blink of an eye, he was in the hospital with you watching his daughter be born. It was the most mesmerizing, terrifying thing he had ever experienced in his life. The pain that you went through, god, you truly were amazing. You had done it all on your own, for he couldn’t take away that pain, he couldn’t do this for you, all he could do was stand at your bedside and support you through every labored breath as you pushed, your fingers squeezing his hand so tightly it felt like his fingers would break. He never complained though, he couldn’t seem to find any words to say other than encouragement and praise for how strong you were.

It was crazy how time worked in moments like this, everything moved so fast yet so slow. One moment he was helping the midwife hold your legs while you pushed, and the next, his daughter was screaming in a small cot across the room as the nurses cleaned her up. She was finally here, and it felt like a fresh breath of life washed over him, like his entire life had new meaning. Everything he did would be for her, for you, it was like the exact moment she took her first breath, his world shifted and began to revolve around you and his daughter.

He thought that time would slow down once she was here, that he’d be able to spend it all with you and his new baby girl, but he had been sorely mistaken. The extra month that he had gotten to “help” you get accustomed to your new life as a mother was spent mostly on calls with management and the other members to fill him in on everything that had gone on while he was away. It was irritating to say the least, that they couldn’t even wait until he was back at home, especially when they knew that this would be the only time he’d get to spend with his new family for who knows how long.

Even still, he did his best, and for that you were greatly appreciative. When it was time for your daughter to eat, he’d quickly make a bottle for her, his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he mumbled out noises of understanding to show that he was still listening. Shockingly to him, being a father came easy, all he wanted was for his daughter to be loved and cared for, something that he promised to always do no matter what happened.

His favorite thing to do though, what he loved the most, were those late nights when his phone would finally stop ringing, and he’d get to lay in bed beside you for however long he could until his daughter woke up. You’d shuffle around a little bit, your eyes still closed as you tried to kick the blankets off, and he’d stop you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before telling you to lay back down so he could get his little girl.

That to him, was the craziest part, thinking about how many arguments started between parents over who got the baby at night, how many parents were miserable because their child didn’t sleep through the night. Of course, his joy at being able to spend those couple minutes to an hour with her only stemmed from the fact that he knew he didn’t have much longer. He’d much rather be beyond exhausted once he got back to Korea than to think that he missed something.

“Yeosang…” You murmured one morning, waking up to see him propped up on his elbow, his other hand gently stroking the cheek of your sleeping daughter as he stared down at her adoringly. Underneath his eyes were so dark, it was worrisome, but even with the obvious lack of sleep, his eyes seemed to twinkle whenever he looked at her. “You need to let me get her… At least enough for you to get some sleep. This isn’t good for you.”

He glanced up at you before dropping his gaze back down to her face, a small pout forming on his lips. “You’ll be able to spend every single night with her once I leave… I just want her to remember me, even a little bit. I want her to know that I love her.” He whispered, his fingers pausing against her cheek when she stirred at the sound of his voice. “I don’t know when I’ll be back…” He trailed off, clenching his teeth to bite back the shakiness that he knew was coming.

Your hand reached out to touch his cheek, your palm warm against his skin, more comforting than you probably knew. “She’ll remember you, I’ll make sure that she does.” You whispered, your voice low so as to not wake her up. “It’s not like you’re leaving forever, and even though you’ll be gone, we’re not leaving you. I’ll call you whenever I can, I’ll video call you so you can see her.”

He sighed softly, his head dropping down against the pillow but his gaze still lovingly, yet bittersweetly focused on his daughter who had captured his heart entirely the moment she took her first breath. “It won’t be the same…” He momentarily looked at you, a sad glimmer in his eyes. “I can’t hold you through the phone, I can’t kiss you… It’s gonna be awful…”

You tsked your tongue, trying to be as optimistic as possible even though your heart was breaking just as much at the thought of him not being there. “You say that now, but once you get back there and into the groove of things you’ll be a-okay.” He rolled his eyes at you, but you saw the corner of his lips twitch up. “And I’m sure you miss the guys, right? I know they miss you, I hear them talking whenever they call you.”

His head nodded as he rolled over onto his back, his hand running through his hair as a heavy sigh billowed through his parted lips. “I miss them, but my heart isn’t attached to them like it is to you and her. I don’t want to miss anything, I’m… I don’t want to be a bad dad.” Your mouth fell open, and you took a deep breath, about to speak, but he gave you a side eye that quickly had your lips pursing shut. “You’re gonna tell me I’m not a bad dad, that I’d never be a bad dad for doing my job. I know you, Y/N…” He was right, and he usually was. “That doesn’t change the fact that I’ll feel like one though.”

Chewing on your bottom lip, you thought of what to say. It was so hard to ease his mind right now, and you completely understood. You’d hate to be in his position, to have to choose between your job and being able to be with your daughter and him. The choice was beyond difficult, and you were thankful that you weren’t the one having to make it, but your heart broke for him knowing just how hard it was. “But I know you’ll do everything you can to see her, to see us whenever you can. Remember when we first got together, and I was so scared that I’d lose you…” His head nodded slowly, and you reached over your daughter to comb your fingers through his hair, trying your best to not only soothe him, but to reassure him. “You said that everything would be okay, that everything would work out. You just have to believe in those words, even now… I still believe them… I know this will work.”

When he had gotten back to work, the fans had gone crazy with support for him, and while many of them questioned his hiatus, a majority were respectful of his privacy. The both of you knew how crazy some fans could get, so you both worked to keep not only your relationship, but your daughter a secret from the public. It was better for the three of you, especially when he was so far away. Even with the distance, he was an active part in your daughter's life, sometimes staying up until 3 in the morning just to facetime you and her, making sure to call at a good hour for you, not wanting to wake her up in the middle of the night.

There were nights when he’d cry over the phone, choked up just at the sight of the daughter that he adored so much, but he couldn’t be with her, he couldn’t hold her or tell her that he loved her while she was in his arms. It was a lot on him emotionally, but he did his best, turning those emotions into works of lyrical art, songs that were written while looking at photos or videos of his little girl that you’d send him throughout the day. He wrote songs for you, filled with love and devotion, songs for his family that he missed so dearly.

Whenever he and the guys would go on tour, he’d make sure that management would set up dates, asking them to schedule at least 2 concerts in your city so he could spend more time with you. The most heart tugging times were when the tours were over though. He loved his career, that was undoubtable. He’d miss the energy in the venues while performing for ATINY, he’d miss the love that he could feel just radiating from the fans in front of him, he’d miss it a lot, but he knew that at the end of each tour came a small break, and those breaks were spent with you and his daughter. He’d spend weeks leading up to the break planning out what he could do with his girls, places he could take the both of you, trying to make the most of the short amount of time that he had. It was becoming harder though, the more famous that his group became, the more difficult it was to take you out, to try to get through the airport unnoticed.

Yeosang loved you, he loved being a father to his daughter, he cherished every single moment that he got to spend with the two of you. That’s why he had to make the choice, and it was hard, it was stressful. There was a lot on the line no matter what the decision was, but there was only 1 right choice in the matter, and he made sure to talk to you about it first, making sure that you were okay with it first. It was hard on him to have to watch his daughter grow up through a phone screen, and while you always managed to catch important milestones in her life with your camera, it just wasn’t the same as being there to see them himself. He needed to be with you always, he needed to have his family with him, close to him, and there was only one way to do that safely for all of you.

“It’s alright, love…” He whispered, rubbing small circles against your back as you sat beside him. You were breathing quite heavily, holding your now 1 year old daughter on your lap, bouncing her on your knee to keep her from trying to wiggle out of your arms. “You don’t have to do this right now if you don’t want to.” He assured you, and it’s not like he was completely calm about this either. His heart was racing, banging against his ribs so hard he felt like it’d break through. This was the first live that he’d do without one of the staff members sitting with him, although he knew that they’d be monitoring it from back at home.

You shook your head, trying to calm your heavy breaths as you smiled at him. “I’m fine… We need to do this…” And by this, you meant showing the world, introducing both yourself and your daughter to the fans that still had no idea that the two of you existed. There had been a lot of speculation recently about why he was constantly away, the meaning behind all of the songs that he had written, and you both just wanted to finally come clean with the fans. It would be better than being caught, and while you both knew that there came risks with coming out, the amount of stress that would be removed from the two of you completely outweighed whatever came next. There was nothing that the two of you couldn’t handle together.

“They’re going to love her, they’ll love you. She might even get her own fan base.” He teased, and you snorted softly as you looked down at your daughter who had been keeping herself occupied with one of the many toys that Yeosang had gotten her. “The live is ready to start as soon as you are, love. Just let me know…”

You swallowed thickly, closing your eyes for a moment and giving yourself one final second to think about this, to really think things through. “I’m ready…” You whispered, and then with the click of a button, the light on the webcam lit up. You saw yourself on the screen, but it was hard to really pay attention to the image of yourself sitting beside him when you saw just how quickly the viewers came in.

Comments rolled up the screen, your eyes unable to even keep up with whatever was being said, and while you saw Yeosang attempt to read them all, you were too scared to try. “Hey!” He greeted them enthusiastically, keeping one hand on your lap, giving light squeezes when he felt you tense up a little too much. “I’m trying to read all the comments, I really am, but… I’m sure most of them are questioning these two beautiful girls beside me…” At this point you were focusing on only him on the screen, the way his cheeks turned a light shade of pink after he had said that. “This is Y/N, my girlfriend of a year and a half now… And this little girl…” He reached over to grab your daughter from off your lap, placing her on his own with a proud smile. “This is my daughter, Yeori.”

Your heart seemed to stop as the comment section exploded, moving faster than any of you even bothered to try to read, you could only hope that whatever they were saying wasn’t anything awful or hateful. “Should I… Should I say something?” You whispered, leaning as close to Yeosang as possible, not wanting the mic to pick up what you were saying. He nodded his head swiftly, smiling to you, his eyes twinkling with the pride that he felt being able to not only sit next to his family during this, but to finally be able to introduce you both to the fans that he loved. “Hi, everyone…” You voiced shakily, eyes wavering between the image of Yeosang playing with your daughter to the comment section. “I’m really happy to be here… To be able to… Talk to you all…”

Yeosang nodded along with your words, your biggest supporter right now. What you didn’t know at the moment was how immensely proud of you he was, how strong he thought you were. It was no secret that fans were ruthlessly mean sometimes, especially when it came to the idol that they loved being in a relationship. He knew that you were worried, but you believed in him, you trusted him to protect not only you, but Yeori too, and he always would protect you. His job was important, but his family was his top priority, and it always would be.

After the live was over, it felt like you could finally breathe properly again. Your mind was filled with thoughts of what could happen, if people would be able to trace the location of the live, what the fans would do now. The both of you avoided getting online for the rest of the day, opting to remove yourself from the rest of the stress by just spending time together and being with your daughter. When the 3 of you were together like that, it was easier to forget that there was now a bunch of people that knew about you, that knew about Yeori.

“I was right…” Yeosang said over the breakfast table the next day, his phone in his hand and a wide smile spread across his face as he scrolled through whatever he was looking at. You hummed questioningly, grabbing yourself a cup of water before sitting next to him to see that he was looking through Twitter. “Everyone loves her, they love you. They think you’re both adorable…” Of course, you knew that he was only picking out the good comments, and you weren’t foolish enough to believe that every single fan had taken a liking to you. You had practically stolen away someone that they thought they owned or had a chance with. “Yeori has a bunch of fans already, they want to see her more…”

He chuckled softly, laying his phone down on the table before pulling you closer to him, pressing a kiss to your temple. “She won’t be there for all of your streams… You have to go back to Korea soon.” It was always the saddest thing that you had to admit to both yourself and to him. It was hard not to cry when he left, and it was even harder to try to explain to your daughter why she could only talk to her father on the phone for a vast majority of the year. “And I can’t do the streams by myself… I don’t want to… Not without you.”

Another kiss landed on your cheek now, and then his finger slipped under your chin to turn your head to look at him as his lips pressed against your own. “I know…” He mused, but usually there would be a sadness in his voice once that realization set in, this time there was a hint of giddiness, playfulness. “That’s why I just have to take you both with me.” You almost choked on the water that you had been sipping on.

It’s not like the idea hadn’t come up multiple times. It would be easier for the both of you if you just lived together, but at the time you were worried about the fans or reporters that might see the 3 of you walking through the airport together. Not just that, but Yeori had been too young to handle a plane ride of that duration, and you didn’t want to have to deal with the looks of annoyed fliers around you. “Yeosang…” You whispered his name, and while it sounded so amazing, being able to just be with him, to not have to wait for him to get time off to see you, it was hard for you to fathom how it would be possible. “There’s nothing ready for us to be there with you… She doesn’t have a room there… Not in the dorms, I don’t want the guys to feel intruded on or-”

He pressed his lips against yours once more to put a halt to your pessimistic talk. “That’s why everything is already set up. It’s been set up for a while now, I’ve just been waiting for the right time, and it’s the right time now.” Your eyes widened as his lit up. This was everything that he had wanted, everything that he had been waiting for. He’d no longer have to count down the days before finally being able to be with his family once more, he’d simply get to wake up every morning and you’d both be there. “She has a room in my own apartment. I’ve even been learning how to drive so that we don’t have to depend on the staff or anyone else to get us around. I hate leaving you, I hate leaving her… I can’t keep doing it to the both of you… I need my family with me, I want us to be together, always.” His hands cupped your cheeks as he looked you in the eyes, a hopeful smile on his face. There was a lot that you’d be leaving behind if you agreed to go with him, but he loved you, he loved his daughter, and he didn’t want to have to leave the both of you behind anymore. “I already have the tickets for all of us to go… I love you, I love you more than anything in the world… I need you and Yeori with me, close to me… I can’t leave you anymore. I’m not walking out that door and hopping on another plane unless the 2 of you are coming with me.”

4 Years Later

You sat on the floor, your back pressed against the wall as you watched your daughter run around the room. “Yeori, don’t run honey…” You called out, about to get up from your seat on the floor until you watched a set of arms scoop her up. “Sorry… She wanted to come today and-”

Yeosang walked over to you, Yeori playfully dangling over his shoulder as she giggled lightly, poking against his back to try to get him to start walking once he had stopped in front of you. “Don’t apologize, I love having you both here, you know that.” He reassured you, gently setting her down next to you. “How are you feeling? Hungry? Thirsty? Does your back hurt?” He questioned, kneeling down to check you over. “You feeling sick again?” He quizzed, and you quickly shook your head, leaning into his hand that had been pressed against your cheek.

“I’m alright…” You hummed, turning to kiss his palm before letting out a small giggle. “Just don’t want her to get in the way of you and the guys while you’re practicing. I can’t chase her around like I used to.” You sighed softly, and as if on queue, you both simultaneously looked down at your stomach that had just started to swell once again.

“You don’t have to chase her, that’s why I’m here.” He teased, kissing his hand before pressing it against your stomach. “I want you to be comfortable. You could have stayed home and rested, I would have brought her in with me.” You rolled your eyes, not because you doubted him, you just knew that him and the others had a comeback to prepare for and you didn’t want her to mess them up. Even if she did though, none of them would admit it. The guys adored her and spoiled her, sometimes more than Yeosang did. “Please let me know if you need anything, I’ll have Jongho get it for you.”

You scoffed loudly, lightly pushing against his shoulder as your scoff turned to laughter. “Go practice, I can wait until your lunch break. Plus, she’s finally sitting still, now’s your time to actually practice.” You both glanced over at your daughter who had occupied herself for the time being on your phone. “Plus, you know I love watching you dance…”

He hummed softly as he got to his feet, taking a moment to look between his daughter and you, who was now in the process of growing his second daughter, another addition to the family that he loved and cherished with his entire being. “You can stop me if you need to… I love you…” He cooed the last words, earning himself a bunch of teasingly disgusted groans from the guys behind him.

It had been scary to leave your home, the only home that you had ever known to come with him to Korea, but it had been the greatest choice you could have ever made. Yeosang didn’t have to choose between his family or his career, and you didn’t have to sadden yourself with thoughts of when you’d get to see him again. You were always together, and you would always be together, he promised that to you every single day. The 3, soon to be 4 of you were finally able to be a real family, and while it was tough at times, seeing the smile on Yeosangs face, the pride in his eyes whenever he looked at you or Yeori, whenever he talked about the little family that he had created… It had made all of it, the wait, the stress, the heartache, the tears… All of it had been worth it because it all led to this moment, sitting against the wall of the practice room with your daughter beside you, and your husband in front of you, doing what he loved while surrounded with the people that he loved.

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