#won't allow it?
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I guess it just feels like I'm stuck in a cage made entirely by my own thoughts. that sounds so dramatic but it does feel like that.
like, it's not just that I'm scared of things so everything is kind of hard. it's that there's many, many things I would like to do or at least try, but I can't make myself do them. not 'oh this is a bit difficult so I'm afraid to try', no, it's not. an option. there's no path from 'want to do this' to 'I'm doing this'. I can't convince myself to do it. there's no tricks or anything. my brain, the useless thing that I need to do literally everything, doesn't allow it.
#sometimes there's moments where I'm so impulsive that I can get past it by being so quick that there's no time to put up the walls#but even then. doing the thing feels like torture 99% of the time. it's not like I get to enjoy it.#I don't know how to explain that without sounding like I just feel sorry for myself and like I don't want to get better#because that's all I want#but getting better depends entirely on this stupid brain. like I don't know how else to explain it? how can I do something if that thing#won't allow it?#yes it's like it is a separate thing and I'm not involved in what it does most of the time. is that also not normal? probably#there's no comfort zone there's only a prison that I've been stuck in all my life and no matter what I've tried it's not enough to get out#and everyone blames me for not trying hard enough and that gets added to the infinite list of reasons why I'm just bad#just do this! just do it anyway! just do it scared! just just just#Idk. I just need to stop overthinking! that'll fix everything! if only that was an option! I could get drunk every day or try drugs I guess.#but the drinking thing didn't make anything better last time.#fuck I just want to stop trying. isn't it ever going to be enough? when do I get to start being an actual person? I just want to feel real#and that's enough emo bullshit for today and for this week and this month and probably this century
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she's so curious and gentle
#Grim#Belphegor#he's still contained in the kitten room but I'm letting him have supervised trips around the house#probably won't be allowed to free roam for another 1-2 weeks
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When you spend 20 years attempting to bring down the child slavery, murdering, human trafficking exploitation ring that stole your childhood, murdered your friends, and killed countless innocents only to have them rebrand as 'Noble Freedom Fighters™' off-screen.
#rip zevran's crusade against the crows >:(#when people said they wanted to be crows they didn't want devs to make the faction nice so we won't feel bad or conflicted about it#people wanted to be conflicted! they wanted to see the faction in all its glitz and glamour - then see what it hid beneath all the mystique#choose to play as a crow that loves the life/hates it/is undecided/etc...#but i'm sorry i forgot that this game doesn't want to do 'role play' options my bad#i will not stand for this zevran erasure!!!#they set up a schism with zevran's da2 codex entry - with other crows joining him!#have the antivan crows faced with a threat that challenged their outlook on why they fight#have the talons be the one to sell out antiva! in exchange for allowing their business to resume (have it be a sneaky reveal!!!)#their work has purpose and order to it so the antaam might agree! they're like 'babys first ben-hassrath!'#have Crows look around at their own home - see the vendor they bought fruit from disappear or the smiling old lady now cowed by grief#then have them decide to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT#have a schism! have Zevran take in Crows who are unhappy - have them realize how shit the organization is!#boom! somewhat-noble freedom fighters! (they're doing their best okay)#if there were differences between different crow houses they needed to explain it better...let us talk to Lucanis! I want to know him :(#my art <3#dragon age#datv critical#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#zevran arainai
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IT'S FALIGON DAY BABYYYYYY I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF THIS DAY SINCE 2018 WE'RE POPPIN MASSIVE BOTTLES 🥳🎉🐉🍾🍻🔥
#these are all meant to be transparent but tumblr isn't allowing that oh well lol#it's yesterday when I'm scheduling this and god I'm so excited for the episode#it's really good right guys I know it will be#man I envy you future people getting to see the episode today#I still got one more sleep till faligon 😩#anyways I'm rly proud of these hope u like 💖#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon spoilers#oh man I won't have to tag spoilers on faligon anymore after today how exciting#my art#falin touden#falin dungeon meshi#chimera falin#faligon
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#WIP#art#vampire hunter d#vhd#Sorry I realize I've neglected the folks that only follow me on tumblr for a while !! 😭😭😭#mmm and sorry to anyone who follows me in different places y'all are probably sick of it (updated at least...)😭😭😭 forgive me 🥹🫶👐#Sorry I tend to focus on one social media at a time -I post the most liberally on my instagram's close friends#.... anyone is free to join it actually just send me a message there if you want ♡ (๑´• ᵕ •ू`๑)#I do want to make drawings that make people think more deeply - to give D the depth that Kikuchi doesn't allow us hahaha#Mmm.... I like some D jesus allegory 🤤 It kinda works if you think about it#then again stress turns me into a perv🌝 so don't have high hopes for the future - school oughhhh school....#Also I enjoy seeing strangers going like “husband” or what not - you're not oomf??? Who are you 😭😭😭#DW btw I actually really don't care LOL I just think it's funny#I'd rather that then be haunted by private quotes - there's 1 private quote on my Damned D and gosh I'm so curious😭🌝#Also I'm back in school it's my final year and I only got fall semester for my entire senior thesis so I won't be able to post as much..oug
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I understand why andrew believed neil was a hallucination because what do you mean neil told him "you spend all this time watching our backs, who's watching yours? don't say you are because you and I both know you take shit care of yourself" and "if it means losing you then no" when they weren't even dating yet???
can you imagine how it felt hearing this for andrew, who has always been the one protecting people and has been called a monster countless times for being so unforgiving and ruthless when it comes to protecting his family?
andrew has never had anyone in his corner, he spent his entire life feeling completely and utterly alone. he is fine if his brother and his cousin hate him as long as they are safe. HE is the one who protects people not the other way around. and suddenly there is this menace of a boy, fiery temper and piercing blue eyes, who not only doesn't treat andrew like a monster but goes to great length to keep him safe, even if it means getting himself hurt.
the only person who has come close to understanding andrew is renee but she doesn't fully understand him, you know? and then this runaway boy comes into his life and can somehow basically read his mind and soul and tells him shit like "I think it's better this way, with you as the last line of defense. you let us run ourselves into the ground and clean up behind us. you play the game like you play life. that's why you're so good at it." and andrew is supposed to believe that this guy is real?
it's no wonder why andrew's mind can't process neil's existence honestly, he embodies everything andrew never had but always longed for : someone to lean on, someone who believes and respects him, someone who actually listens and understands him, someone who loves him unconditionally
#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#the foxhole court#tfc#the foxes#oh neil unpredictable as he is unreal#andrew I want nothing minyard actually wants so many things but he just won't allow himself to have them
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Kieran my baby boy. someone take him to a therapist please
#pokemon#pokemon scarlet violet#pokemon sv#kieran#pokemon kieran#idk the pokemon tags help#I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD FOR ME when do i ever get invested in a pkmn character#but listen#it's kieran#he's so interesting i got the dlc cuz of him#drew these far apart from each other#Im so happy he and mc made up in the end like i'd have cried if they didn't or if kieran was still angry aaa#his hair is so hard to draw help#no he is not a brainrot i won't allow it i NEED to be in my danstelle era#pokemon scarlet violet teal mask#pokemon sv teal mask#pokemon scarlet violet indigo disk#pokemon sv indigo disk#pokemon scarlet violet dlc#pokemon sv dlc#used a vpn to post bc tumblr's blocked here help HAHA
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Dude I need claws SO bad. Except I need prosthetics to be really sturdy, so I can actually like. Use them for shit. Like I wanna be able to wear them to help me climb or claw at stuff or whatever I need them for. But people only make like plastic or foam or resin claws. It's not STRONG enough. I need like. IRON claws. STEEL claws. Claws I can climb trees and rock faces with. Claws that could kill a man if I wanted them to. It's a fucking TRAGEDY these aren't a thing, and I swear to God I'm about to learn metalworking just so I can make myself a suitable set.
#i saw ONE set of metal clawrings online ONCE. except they aren't made by the company anymore and when i asked them about it they only had-#-like four individual rings in the back#INCREDIBLY sad about that actually#anyway. i need to work on my plans for these claws. if i do i'll post them#i'd like them to be long and sharp (obviously)#and be situated in a way where they won't come off. either under the first phalange or at the base of the finger so i can grip them#and a groove to slot my finger into so it's comfy and doesn't dig into my skin or nails. this is important because i have sensory issues-#-with my nails#and then from there... idk just a nice ring design that'll stay comfy through all uses#and have the metal be sturdy enough to. one. not bend. and two. not break.#bonus points if i allow space to sharpen the clawtips ofc#augh#anyway#dragonfire.#whispers.#dragonkin#nonhuman#otherkin#dragon therian
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the next thing u know, yuu would have the possession of malleus' bones
#just kidding; but imagine if malleus kept his baby tooth to make it into a necklace and give it to lilia#nvm i think the information of lilia hatching him was kept by the council wasn't it ; it was further in book 7 & malleus was angry about it#but if the council hates lilia so much; how did malleus end up being being allowed to be around lilia now; even when baby silver was around#maybe we'll figure it out much later#twst#twisted wonderland#sebek zigvolt#malleus draconia#twst yuu#twst mc#fanart#no wait no way yuu get his bones ; he won't die before yuu#anyhow probably dragon teeth will regrow when they fall off like crocodile or shark
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'i hate jason grace because he thought he was worthy enough to compete with percy' I'm sorry have y'all SEEN jason. this man defeated a TITAN without weapons and his bare hands to the point the titan wanted to rise from the UNDERWORLD with the help of a GODDESS to seek vengeance over him. I think we can cut him slack for having some well deserved self respect bc I'd brag too wtf
#put some RESPECT on this guy's name. nobody is a more worthy competitor to percy than jason sorry not sorry I won't take arguments.#and has less experience with stuff because camp jupiter rarely had monster attacks so he was basically sheltered yet he was so strong#he saved percy UNDERWATER and defeated a SEA monster despite the whole zeus/poseidon thing. That only makes it difficult for him#and water isn't even his domain#yet y'all will call this 'gary stu behaviour' completely ignoring how op rick made percy. apparently only percy is allowed to be powerful??#he was trained by WOLVES as a 2 year old#before some mf goes 'theres no way jason defeated krios w just hands lol he was just boasting for the sake of it'. krios said it himself 💀#ironically jason was wayy too humble considering the stuff he's done lol he NEVER bragged and neither did percy#fandom when a character who has actually accomplished great stuff has an ounce of self respect and self awareness: 😠🔪🔪#it's not even 'i hate jason bc he's arrogant/powerless/boring' atp#it's just 'im too attached to percy to like any other person who's on his level and can't accept the fact that percy has a powerful rival'#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#pjo series#pjo hoo#jason grace#pjo hoo toa
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cake night highlights
#akia art#our life#olba#baxter ward#olba mc#baxter fighting for his life (savage/ultimate/idk which is which)#replayed the game recently and had to draw cake night#it's one of my fav parts of step 4..for the return to form but also bc maggie considers the epilogue a protracted 1v1#and this confrontation Finally allowed a measure of even standing LMAO#if the text won't include those hyper-maggie-specific nuances that no one but me could write I'll Adapt Them Myself#but even i just want to go back to drawing cuddles now 🤣
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the webcomic can have one (1) funny "earnest moment interrupted by comedy" joke. as a treat. but also because it is so in character for them ajkshdjkas
yes they will say the most earnest shit to each other and then immediately try to cringe out of their own bodies. they are best friends but they would rather jump out of a window before admitting it. they are incredibly devoted and grateful to one another but you could not water board that out of either of them.
the only thing that can get either of them to admit how much they care for each other is if the other is in life threatening danger and not a second before aakjshdks
#i talk a lot <3#tged#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#javier asrahan#llojavi#i'm sorry i do think this is incredibly funny i'm still laughing ajksdhsjkfsd#they're assholes! they're best friends! they will risk life and limb for one another but you won't get them to say one nice thing#about the other unless it's a matter of life and death! and even then they might risk it if they're the ones in danger and not the other lo#like!! this is in character! this is a joke made by the characters and not at them!! this is them acknowledging how much they care#for the other and then cringing when they realize they let themselves be earnest out loud.#not the narrative itself cringing and not allowing the characters to be earnest at all. not the author pointing and laughing at the story#you're supposed to care about.#i'm getting serious again so i'm gonna stop!! just!! i do love them <3333#ep 122
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I was talking with @clownscasino today about how service oriented Clown is as a person. At first glance it can seem like he's just arrogant and self-absorbed because he leans on his reputation so much, but consider: every time anyone praises him for his role in a team project, he gets flustered and tries to pass credit onto someone else. He did it during the funhouse arc of Lifesteal with Branzy. Every time Branzy would downplay his own contributions to the funhouse Clown would turn it back around on him ("you only built the whole thing"). Or more recently during the faction event on The Realm, when Sneeg credited him with getting all the gunpowder, Clown immediately corrected him and said it was a team effort. Like, insistently. For a guy obsessed with his reputation, he really does not like being complimented.
His best alliances and friendships have always been with people who are undeniably weaker than him. People he can protect. From chasing Leo down and killing him for hurting Branzy to logging back onto The Realm when Bad and Pili were threatening Ros, when he has someone to protect he will do so with an almost singleminded focus. Fighting is something he's good at, and protection is a service he can provide to the people he loves. This is also why on The Realm he keeps handing out high level armor and equipment like candy. He's trying to buy his teammates' love by showing them how useful he is. He needs to be useful. His reputation is everything to him because his reputation is the service he is providing. If he doesn't have his reputation, he doesn't have a use. There is no point to a ClownPierce who doesn't have that reputation.
And that's also the reason those alliances with weaker individuals work better. People who are a near equal to him inevitably turn on him. They want to be the one to take him down. They don't need anything else from him. They don't need his protection. They just need his title. It's the only thing he has to give anyone, strong or weak, but at least the weak players don't want to steal the only thing he has when they're done with him.
Incidentally, this is why I think Clown and Ros work so well together as a pair, because Ros is service oriented too. When Clown offers her his protection, she reciprocates. She finds diamonds and other materials Clown wants and she collects them for him. She builds him a room in the castle. When Molluskus shows up, she tries to protect him the way he protects her. He shares his plan to usurp the King with her. She shares her plan to build a second castle with him. They both have something to offer the other. Her acts of service function to show him that they're equals in their partnership.
#the realm smp#trsmp#clownpierce#tr!clownpierce#i should be asleep right now but the demons said i wasn't allowed until i made this post#i think ros also believes that her reputation is all that she is#and that's why she's so upset about the cathedral upstaging her castle#i also think that ros reciprocating clown's service doesn't necessarily make him feel safer being 'useless'#but i do think that it makes him feel better to know that he's not giving energy to someone who won't give that same energy back#callioposte
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Kaeya, despite being a sickly and gentle child, was his own kind of nightmare for Crepus and the other Dawn Winery staff.
See, Diluc is prone to mischief and chaos, dragging along his younger brother and a couple of other children into his plots and messes.
But Kaeya? Kaeya is the type to end up in the most random, and I do mean most random, of places. He would vanish for several hours, only to be found in an unexpected location such as, oh let's say that one time, he was found eating fruit with some friendly hilichurls...IN LIYUE.
He was such a curious soul that would easily get distracted by the wonders of Teyvat, but since he is so silent in both words and movements, whoever is watching over him would lose sight of him just as quickly.
He has caused several search parties in his youth, only for people to find out he was following a seelie to a treasure chest or napping with a young wolf cub in Wolvendom.
Crepus swears that Kaeya and Diluc are competing on who can give him gray hairs the fastest (so far, Diluc is winning, but Kaeya sure is catching up with every scream of panic from a designated babysitter and Diluc)
#crepus and his chaos children#may bartobas bless his soul or something#look if klee can nuke azhdaha for her birthday i think kaeya should be allowed to eat with hilichurls in liyue#nah this is also why diluc followed kaeya and the traveler into a domain one time#*kaeya vanishes again*#*jean sighs in exasperation and nostalgia*#*diluc panicking inwardly again*#one time for funsies i thing he should be found on top of dragonspine after following several warm seelies lmao#crepus: “so...where did you find my boy again?” varka: “...you won't believe me...” crepus: “try me” varka: “...on a ship to Fontaine...”#pls im having fun with this idea yall gotta know how funny this is to me#kaeya#kaeya alberich#crepus ragnvindr#dawn winery#kaeya headcanons#yeah so remember he stowed away to a cargo that was headed for sumeru? crepus was stressed but he was probably used to it lmao#crepus: “ is it morally questionable to put a bell on him?”#bonus hc: kaeya being the knight to ask when needing a search party coz he knows the common places children would get to lmao
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Aang: *sneaks into the house after a date with Toph*
Katara, turning in a swivel chair: care to tell me where you've been?
Aang: ...with, uh, Zuko
Zuko, spinning his own swivel chair: care to try again?
#aang: zuko what are you doing here?!#zuko: i'm her boyfriend i'm allowed to be here#aang: that's not how it works! the beifongs won't even let me in the front yard anymore!#taang#zutara#aang#katara#zuko#toph beifong#atla incorrect quotes#atla#avatar the last airbender
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Prompt 81
Danny blinked at the small children Ellie was holding the hand of, looking quite proud of herself. The small children- between ten and twelve so somewhere similar to Ellie’s age- who both practically stank of magic and Gods.
He took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose even as Dan cackled while opening the door more to let them inside. “Alright, what’s your name, kids?”
“B-billy…um, Billy Batson...” “‘m Percy! Percy Jackson.”
“Nice to meet you two- any idea where in your family you have a god or two, because one of you definitely smells like Zeus and I’m pretty sure Poseidon and I am not dealing with either of my half-brothers.”
#prompts#dcxdp#dpxpj#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#billy batson#Danny was adopted by Clockwork who is the origin behind Kronos#Oh they're both orphans? No one to take care of them?#Goddamnit Clockwork you made sure Ellie found them didn't you#Liminals are hidden from monsters thanks to feeling like them & the dead#CW: If they won't take care of their kids then I'll give the lil demigods to my favorite son :)#The JL finding out Billy is a child: You need a guardian- how could we let this happen#Billy: Actually my older sister has looked 12 for the last 100 years and my younger brother looks 20 so that's very human-ist of you#Percy peering out at some camp people who are trying to see if he's home: MA There's some weird ass cats outside!#Percy: Am I allowed to throw the pool at them 'cause they aren't taking no for an answer#Danny teaching the kids how to use powers: Alright and now we're going to your other dad and moms to learn magic#Danny: And how to shoot a gun in Val's case because I will forget gun safety#Everlasting Quartet#Phantastic Four#“Hey Marvel how do you know that info about Dr Fate he looks so pissed??”#“Oh one of my parents know him and they don't get along so now we always take the chance to call him a lil Bitch but politely”#Percy: Billy if you can summon lightning and I can control water can we combine them#Billy: One way to find out- hey Daaaaan#Camp people trying to find Percy: Wtf wtf wtf#The pantheon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN KRONOS HAD ANOTHER CHILD?! WHERE?! HOW!?#Clockwork: Look at my Favorite Child who doesn't Fuck with the Timeline or are Raging Hypocrites & takes care of his kids#Clockwork curled up with Danny & new grandchildren in his chest like a mother crocodile: Everything is as it should be :)#Marvel: Look at my lil brother isn't he adorable he's a year younger than me but takes more after our other mom#Percy: Hi Mr Aquaman I can control water & talk to fish and was wondering if you have any tips#“Marvel we're going to die-” “No we're not lemme call my big brother- if he can destroy the timeline he can fix it” “If he What”
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