#women love troubled men in spandex

[nugulover69]

Miss thing here acting so blaise abt an abjectly horrifying experience love her

ALSO TRUE ANDDDDD THAT'S FOR TRUE RITSU YOU GET IT

[needlepcint]

INTRODUCING...

          HALLE BAILEY, CIS WOMAN, 20, SHE / HER   ⟨  ✽  ⟩   hey, you haven’t bumped into nia williams lately, have you ? they have been living here for the past two years ( during the school semester ) and during that time, locals have gotten to know them as quirky & charming.  a little birdie told me they can be quite vain & devious  though. explains why they’re an architecture major at whitby university. they really remind me of field time at six am and still making your eight am looking flawless, spandex shorts under short skirts paired with high heels you can run in, && impeccably manicured hands handling any power tool with ease. if you’re ever looking for them, i bet you can find them around the retro room. 

HIGHLIGHTS...

          the daughter raised by a single father, a former nhler, though also with the help of his teammates’ wives and girlfriends — a unique situation that shaped her life ; a lover of beauty, no matter what it may be, but a little obsessed with it when it comes to herself ; tiny but with a nose for scoring, speed, and elusiveness on the field that’s made her a two time women’s soccer mvp and she’s only a junior ; sometimes comes across as a little ditzy and airheaded, but though she has the look of a girly-girl, looks can be deceiving and certainly don’t underestimate her ; has an incredible knack for turning old things into new and desired items, mostly with regards to furniture and knicknacks.

THE STORY...

— cole harbour, nova scotia, the birthplace of sidney crosby the next one, eight years later — nathan mackinnon, and six years after that : nia williams. her birth was unplanned, however ; her mother only twenty and working towards med school. her father a halifax mooseheads player just having fun at her conception, now twenty-two and playing out his dreams in the nhl with the montreal canadians.

— things always work out in the end, though, and at twenty-two her father became her sole guardian and growing up quite a bit in the process, her mother vanishing from her life at that point and never re-entering.

— she was technically raised by a single father, but she was also perhaps raised by the veterans on the team and most importantly, the wives and girlfriends of her father’s teammates whose care she was left in the care of during games. it was them that taught her the things that her father couldn’t, and nia never wanted for her mother, that space happily and willingly filled by almost two dozen women who were older sisters, mothers, aunts... they were family.

— but even with all the make up and fashion advice, nia was very much her father’s daughter as well : crawling around the outdoors, going one-on-one on the ice, swimming in the ocean and still looking flawless while doing it. michael williams was a good father in the end, and grew into the role.

— she play hockey and soccer growing up, seeming to have a nose for offense, as elusive on skates as in cleats. nia could’ve been great at both sports, was great at both sports, but in the middle of high school she made the switch to focus on soccer full time. her passion for the ice remained, but the opportunities in soccer were stronger — and she loved the outdoors, loved the field in the early hours of morning.

— it was in the summer after grade 11 that she was offered a scholarship from whitby university to play women’s soccer ( amongst others ), but whitby fit the bill for what she wanted, and port briar reminded her a lot of home in cole harbour with the chilly sea. so after graduation, she was off to whitby to play soccer.

— on the college scene, it became obvious that nia simply put, was a star. a small but ever elusive forward who had speed that didn’t seem possible with her stature and an ability to score like no one else. the campus loved her, the team loved her, and opposing teams loved to hate her on the field. she was named mvp of the team as a freshman, a feat she would repeat her sophomore year as well. she’s currently gunning for her third.

MISC...

— architecture feels like an odd choice for those who don’t know nia well. she tends to come across as a little bit of an airhead, ditzy, not always the greatest with common sense. but she is actually quite book smart and sometimes, the ditziness is just a bit of an act. she had fostered a bit of FASCINATION with arenas having been in so many growing up, she began to harbor a desire to design one ( and to do it better ). sketching had been something that held her attention when she needed to be seated and still, and that fit in perfectly. after entering whitby undeclared, nia found herself drawn to the architecture department and program, officially declaring at the end of her freshman year.

— nia is hardly ever still : tapping fingers, jumping knees, sitting and then standing. she was diagnosed with adhd when she was seven. she is medicated for it now, but it also still manifests in attention deficient for her, leaving a wake of unfinished projects in her wake. sports had been one of the few things that held her attention, kept her occupied, and one of the few things she worked to hone her skills in.

— because of her tendency to jump from one thing to another, it’s no surprise she had a litany of hobbies that she’s tried : you name it, she’s likely tried it once. everything from yoga, to sewing, to painting, to rock climbing. in some ways it’s made her a bit of a jack of all trades, though she always comes back to soccer in the end. 

— however, one of thing did stick, kinda. in high school she took a woodworking class and from that spawned a hobby of furniture upcycling. her father had always been good with his hands and she knew her way around power tools, still does. she takes great pride in being able to fix things to be usable again, and loves to shop around the retro room or drive around port briar looking for things left at the curb. it can’t be a huge project though, like anything, if it’s not done in one go, chances are she may never return to finish the project. 

— she lives in an off-campus apartment this year after spending the first two in dorms. she’s looking forward to having her own space and kitchen ( even with roommates ).

— rigid schedules help her to keep organized when her natural tendency is to fall back into messiness and chaos. living with a neat roommate has helped her in some ways, because though messiness is her tendency, she finds that neatness helps her to keep focused and on track. being reminded to clean every week has been good for her.

— her favorite color is red and she has a penchant for red nails and red lipstick.

— her father is now an assistant hockey coach in the ncaa, but not at whitby. she sees him when that school in in town though she’s always rooting for whitby. her summers are spent back in cole harbour and she is still in touch with some of the wives and girlfriends who she’d been so close to.

— she’s an early bird, as odd as it is. she’s always loved sunrises over the atlantic ocean. you can find her either on the field or out for a run in the early hours, and then when the snow flies, likely doing yoga.

PERSONALITY...

— on the surface nia is very much a pretty girl. always looking flawless, a little ditzy, a little shallow. her smile is her weapon and she uses it to get people on her side. she likes people to like her, though one might hesitate to truly classify her as a nice girl or a mean girl. she ends up falling somewhere in the middle as most people do, never mean without cause but not friends with anyone. her enemies aren’t always obvious, something kept under wraps with petty glares and muttered comments. she doesn’t go looking for trouble, but if it crosses her path she meets it head on. her soccer star status has endeared her with some and made her just as many enemies, especially on their rival teams. she’s generally sweet to everyone she meets, but wrong her and she’ll be the first to be shit talking behind your back.

— men and women alike find her charming, something that suits her tastes. she’s been in a fair number of flings, though nothing that she ever saw as longterm. nia in general doesn’t look at the big picture, which has frustrated some who saw something more with her. but people still love her all the same. it’s a power she pretends to not know she has, but she’s more devious than her lipsticked smiles portray her to be.

— she has a thing for looks, rarely looking less than pristine herself, even in the middle of practice on a hot pre-season day. beauty, she’s been told, starts on the inside, and she does believe that, but helping along the outside never hurts either. she likes to feel good about herself, and comfort doesn’t always take precedence.

— nia always has a schedule, but at the same time, she’s almost always late. time management is a thing she’s still working on, and the only advice is to tell her anything is fifteen minutes earlier than it is.

— she’s a pretty girl, but has never felt like she had to stick to that box. instead, she has a way of just looking flawless no matter what that does. people judge her from her appearance and she knows that, but she also relishes in being able to prove people wrong. she knows her way around a math class and almost every power tool there is, she’s not afraid to get dirty --- just looking bad, so she’ll find a way to make mud look flawless. she’s obsessed with beauty, just not always the most conventional forms of it.

APPEARANCE...

— 5′0″, built lithe and fast.

— style : cute and cottagecore on the daily, but isn’t afraid to toe the line into edgy for nights out. a bit of “hardness” can make its way into her outfit in blacks and faux leathers matched with flowy silks and puff sleeves. she can make the switch from “good girl” to “bad girl” as quickly as she wants, depending on how she’s feeling that day.

— jewelry : an absolute sucker for jewelry. often is on esty too often despite her already extensive collection of bracelets, necklaces, and rings. her style is often dainty jewelry, though she doesn’t discriminate.

— tattoos : a small butterfly on the back of her left shoulder

— scars : several small nicks and almost invisible ones

OOC...

hiiii. it’s ollie again ✌️😎... and bc i normally play hockey bois... here’s my self-indulgent tie to hockey via nia whoops.

[pines-troz]

Pinky and Brain Character Info from the Cinderella AU

- Pinky grew up with his mom, dad, and little sister (who’s a mouse in this AU and not an empty thread spool). His parents showered their kids with love and affection. When Pinky was five, he received Pharfignewton as a birthday present, and it was love at first sight. Pinky learned about responsibility through Pharfignewton: taking the time to feed her, take her out on walks, cleaning her stable, and brushing her mane. When he was older, his parents got another pet for him and his sister, an orange puppy they named Buttons. 

- When Pinky was twelve, his mother and sister perished in a terrible carriage accident. This devastated Pinky and his father. While Pinky turned to Pharfignewton and Buttons for comfort, his father was acquainted with a noble widow named Nora Rita Norita. He learned that Norita has two daughters, Katie and Elmyra, both of whom are younger than Pinky. So he decided to remarry to fill the void left in their family. They were married for two year until he fell ill and passed on. During that time, Pinky didn’t know what to make of his stepmother and stepsisters. He felt uncomfortable whenever Nortia talked to him. Pinky quickly knew to never cross Katie, who turned into a monster when she didn’t get her way. But Pinky was most terrified by Elmyra, who would try to play various ‘games’ which were more or less designed to physically assault him. Pinky never brought up how he felt to his dad because he sees how happy he is with their new family members and Pinky doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. 

- After his father’s passing, PInky was immediately reduced to a servant and Norita spent the majority of the shared family fortune on her two daughters. But Pinky’s optimism remained as strong as titanium as he found a lot of coping mechanisms to help him get through each day. 

- Tending to the animals is his absolute favorite thing to do. He still has ownership of Pharfignewton and Buttons, but overtime he gained more animal friends. He befriends a trio of birds named Bobby, Squit and Pesto, and feeds him his leftovers and makes clothes for them. They return the favor by becoming his alarm clock. Pinky especially loves to tease Pesto. One day, he finds a stray cat and dog in the stable and is filled with compassion. He brings them food and water, and they decide to stick around. Pinky names the cat Rita and the dog Runt. When he realizes Elmyra’s tendency to hurt the animals, Pinky insists that she plays with him instead, to save them the trouble. 

- Pinky also loves to sing while he does his chores. He often sings about things that he loves, like the different kinds of cheeses, Pharfignewton and the other animals, and the romantic stories he reads. But his favorite song to sing when he’s feeling down is “Just Say Narf”. Pinky sometimes plays the violin during his free time, which he calls ‘the flute’ and holds little concerts for the animals. 

- Pinky also loves to makes clothes. He often makes clothes for the animals, like hats, vests, shirts, scarves, sweaters, pajamas, shoes. The Goodfeathers love sporting their outfits Pinky makes for them, and even brags about their clothes to the other birds. When they bring along the Godpigeon, Pinky makes a specialized suit just for him. Even though Rita isn’t a fan of wearing clothes, she appreciates the sentiment. 

- Pinky also loves to bake desserts. He even manages to create a no-bake cheesecake that he shares with the animals. 

- Pinky’s dreams are what motivates him to get up in the morning. He often has lovely dreams about living in a nice house with knick-knacks, where he can makes clothes, bake, care for the animals, and be surrounded by loved ones. His desires are mostly stemmed from wanting to return to the happier days of his youth spent with his mom, dad, and sis. But he is determined to one day find a family of his own. 

- Brain had a sheltered early childhood. He mostly spent his time in the castle’s library reading a lot of books on various subjects such as science, math, history, art, and literature. When he was nine, Plotz brought Brain along for an important conference in another part of the country. During the trip, he witnessed many people living in poverty on the streets from inside his carriage, things that he read about in his books but finally realized. When they went to the conference, Brain brings this up to some of the politicians, and they brush him off. Brain then vowed that if he was the one in control of things, then he would eradicate many issues that plagued society. After returning home, Brain is determined to seize control of the world so he could fix it. 

- Although Brain had a relatively happy childhood, he began to feel pressured by Plotz, during his teen years. His father nags Brain to get a girlfriend so he could get married and have children together (fueled by his desire to have grandchildren). Dating is nowhere near the top of Brain’s priorities. 

- Plotz tried to set him up two times before the royal ball. Once was before Brain left to study at a prestigious university in another country. One of Plotz’s aristocratic friends has a daughter named Billie, and he sets the two of them up on a date. Even though Brain was at first smitten by her beauty, the date proved to be disastrous as Brain’s awkward attempts at small talk backfired on him and Billie stating that she doesn’t have any romantic feelings for him. The second time was during the first summer break when Plotz paired Brain with another noblewoman named Julia. While the two have more in common, Brain didn’t have any romantic feelings for her. He was thankful when Julia gently let him down. When Brain bumped into Julia a year later, he learned that she was dating Billie. 

- Brain thrived academically during his four years studying at the foreign university. He even became involved in a lot of extracurriculars, such as choir, the debate team, the engineering club, the mathletes, and the school’s rhythmic gymnastics team. Brian eventually became the captain of the rhythmic gymnastics team in his junior year, and even carries around a painted portrait of him in a blue spandex suit twirling around a lavender satin ribbon to show off to people as a conversation starter. 

- During this time, he also formed a close friendship with Snowball, and loved to make him laugh. But the two had a falling out in their senior year, when Snowball became jealous of Brain’s academic standing and mocked his dreams of taking over the world. 

- The only two people Brain has in his support group are the two Grand Dukes, Yakko and Wakko Warner. While their presence in the castle was mainly to consult with Plotz, they spend a lot of their time hanging out with Brain, telling him jokes and making him laugh. Brain appreciates their company.

- During his sophomore year at the university, Brain realized that he was attracted to men as well as women. When Brain decides to come out as bisexual, Yakko and Wakko are the first people to know, and they are overjoyed. When Brain decides to tell Plotz, he’s surprised to learn that Plotz was ambivalent over this, but still insists that Brain gets married.  

- Whenever Brain brings up his desire to take over he world, nobody really takes him seriously. Plotz thinks that he’s joking, and even Yakko and Wakko see his nightly plans as a hobby of his. The first person he comes across who is actually supportive of his ambitions is Pinky. 

[bloodloreiscanon]

Ballerinas Can Breakdance Too

A Lifetane Story

Pairing: Octane/Lifeline

Notes: This a total AU. Lifeline is a ballerina who moonlights as a breakdancer. Octane is a bored rich boy who falls for the pretty ballerina. Little did he know it was his childhood friend.

Read on: Ao3!

-

Octavio couldn’t believe that he was roped into seeing a ballet recital. Sure there were worse things he could be stuck doing, like taxes or being yelled at by his parents, but this was definitely in the top twenty most boring things he could do with his time. All dressed up in a suit and for what? To sit and watch some people prance around in tutus and spandex? It felt like such a waste of time, and he couldn’t wait to just go out and have some real fun.

As he followed his parents to his seat, he couldn’t help but notice all the other socialites in the massive room. Everyone seemed to be so prim and proper that it honestly started to make the young man uncomfortable. He felt if he messed up, all eyes would be on him and he’d be shunned in his entire town. Don’t get Octavio wrong, he loves attention, but he could do without the disapproving glances.

He sat there for what seemed like hours before the lights finally dimmed and the stage lit up. To be honest the only reason he knew the dance was beginning was that his mother had told him to put his phone down and be more respectful of the dancers. Hazel eyes drifted across the stage as both men and women danced. Octavio couldn’t see why people found these events interesting, to him it was quite boring.

The performance continued and the young billionaire could feel himself nodding off to sleep. One tired glance at his parents and Octavio made his decision.Octavio couldn’t believe that he was roped into seeing a ballet recital. Sure there were worse things he could be stuck doing, like taxes or being yelled at by his parents, but this was definitely in the top twenty most boring things he could do with his time. All dressed up in a suit and for what? To sit and watch some people prance around in tutus and spandex? It felt like such a waste of time, and he couldn’t wait to just go out and have some real fun.

As he followed his parents to his seat, he couldn’t help but notice all the other socialites in the massive room. Everyone seemed to be so prim and proper that it honestly started to make the young man uncomfortable. He felt if he messed up, all eyes would be on him and he’d be shunned in his entire town. Don’t get Octavio wrong, he loves attention, but he could do without the disapproving glances and disgusted glances.

He sat there for what seemed like hours before the lights finally dimmed and the stage lit up. To be honest the only reason he knew the dance was beginning was that his mother had told him to put his phone down and be more respectful of the dancers. Hazel eyes drifted across the stage as both men and women danced. Octavio couldn’t see why people found these events interesting, to him it was quite boring.

The performance continued and the young billionaire could feel himself nodding off to sleep. One tired glance at his parents and Octavio made his decision. ‘What’s a little sleep? I bet that they won’t even notice.’

Octavio was startled awake by his mother harshly whispering his name in his ear after his little nap. He didn’t know how long he was out, but all he knew was his mother wasn’t pleased. She gave him a look that told him he was going to be in trouble if he kept this up and gestured to the stage.

“Octavio Silva! I swear you had better stay awake for this performance or so help me you’ll be grounded for the next month. We have an appearance to keep up!”

Her words only reminded him that he had to be a poster child for manners and propriety and he hated it. If there was one thing he wanted to be, it would be free. Alas, he wasn’t free from the grasp of his family just yet. Rolling his eyes, he looked back at the stage.

However, this time there was something that changed. There was a new backdrop and a few new dancers on the stage and one, in particular, caught his eye. She was one of the background ballerinas, but she was stunning. Her dancing was flawless and she looked like she put her entire heart and soul into this routine.

Her appearance had him leaning on the edge of his seat and paying much more attention to the ballet. His mother seemed pleased and went back to watching, completely missing the fact that he wasn’t paying attention to the others. Maybe sitting in this seat for three hours wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Octavio watched the entire ballet, trying to keep track of the pink-haired beauty with only some minor difficulties. Soon enough, everyone began to clap and all the dancers took their bows. The performance was over, and Octavio found himself wishing it wasn’t. He wanted to find out who the dancer was, but his parents had other ideas. They hurried him out of the building and were well on their way back home.

The next day he was free to do as he pleased, so what did the young man do? He went back to the performance hall to see the same ballet again, in hopes of seeing the young woman again. She was there and he paid rapt attention to her. And the next day he did the same yet again. He went to the performance to see the ballerina perform.

This time Octavio was smart and bought the backstage pass. All attendees with the pass were allowed in the back after the performance, and Octavio immediately sought the pink-haired dancer out. She was laughing amongst her friends and only turned around when one pointed at Octavio.

He can safely say he was not prepared for who turned to look at him. It was his old elementary school friend, Ajay Che. He hadn’t seen her in years, and can he say that time was nice to her. His jaw physically dropped before he shook his head and bounced on his toes.

   “Hola señorita, has anyone ever told you how pretty your eyes are?”

Ajay rolled her eyes at her friend’s antics and placed a hand on her hip. Man how he missed her. It was a shame her parents decided to move away just before high school started. There was no warning, just one day she was gone. It stung, but now she was back and that’s all he could have wished for.

   “Do ya start every conversation with a girl like dat ‘Tavi or am I jus’ special?”

A grin crept onto his face and he placed a hand on his chest. He faked a hurt look before poking her in the shoulder.

   “I’m hurt chica, you know I was saving that one just for you.”

   “Mhm, I’ll believe dat when pigs fly.”

   “You wound me, Ajay.”

She chuckled and gently pushed his shoulder. They chatted a little longer, stopping here and there for other attendees to ask her questions before the scariest woman Octavio had ever seen approached them. She was easily six feet tall and all muscle, not to mention in a suit with sunglasses on. The typical bodyguard look.

   “Is this man giving you trouble Ajay?”

   “No ‘Nita, dis jus’ my old friend. We were catchin up, dat’s all”

   “All right, no funny business.”

Anita’s cold stare pierced Octavio to the core and he nodded. There were no words to be said as she walked away. He could swear he saw her laughing as she walked away, but he wasn’t certain. Ajay yawned and glanced at her phone. Octavio did the same, only feeling a little disappointed when he realized it was time to go.

They hugged once more before exchanging numbers and saying their goodbyes. The rest of the way home, Octavio was giddy. Ajay was back, but that’s when it finally hit him. His age-old crush on Ajay came back, and this time it was ten-fold. Octavio isn’t afraid to admit that he liked Ajay back in school. She was a sweet girl and his only real friend. But now that they’re older and he’s afraid. Afraid of what, he couldn’t tell you, but it’s there.

All night they texted, and it brought a smile to his face every time he got a new notification from her. It made his heart race and he tried to calm it down. He read over every text twice before he sent them and worried when she didn’t respond. It felt like he was back in fourth grade again and he didn’t know what to do.

Ajay’s last text said she was going to sleep, and even though Octavio said he was as well, he knew damn well it was a lie. The night was still young and there were many things to be done. He crept over to his closet and dug through the back, pulling out a box filled with items that his mother would toss out if she knew they even ‘disgraced’ her house.

He put the bandana on the floor before pulling out his favorite crop top and cargo capris. He stared at the bottle of hair dye in the box before tossing it on the pile as well and stepping into his bathroom. Was he about to cut and dye his hair? Yes. Would his parents kill him for this? Oh definitely, but he was 19 and he could do whatever he damn well pleased.

It took a few moments of hopping around to ease his nerves and get to work. After he was done, he wound up sporting a decent looking faux hawk with lime green tips. It was oddly freeing, and he quickly changed into his outfit before sneaking out of his window.

The alleys were familiar as he made his way to a building affectionately called The Hideout. The music inside was loud enough that he could hear it outside before he made his way in. People were having the time of their lives, dancing with each other and watching others dance.

He pushed his way to where he knew The Ring would be. The Ring was just a roped off area in a corner where people can go in one by one and dance and sort of have a battle with each other. Usually, it consisted of breakdancing, but there were a few occasions people would shake it up and do something else.

The person in the middle was doing rather well, and when they stepped out, Octavio made his way into the circle. People cheered as he took center stage. Down here he was rather well known as Octane, the self-proclaimed king of the ring.

As he danced, he was blissfully unaware of the honey brown eyes watching him from the rope. Sweat dripped from his forehead when he was done, and man did he love the rush of adrenaline all the people watching gave him. People clapped, and someone stepped into the ring to challenge him.

She had a skull tank top on and checkered pants, usually he’d cringe at such a choice but she could pull it off. The mask she wore hid her identity from him, but he stepped back and let her go. He was fairly certain he’d win this battle, but once she started he knew he was screwed.

The stranger was a lot more flexible than he was and able to do the moves he did with a much better grace. People ‘ooh’ed and ‘ahh’ed at her dance and even Octavio couldn’t help but get pumped from her performance as well. He cheered her on and when she was done, the pseudo-announcer pulled them both into the center and grabbed both of their arms.

   “Make some noise if you think Octane won this one!”

People cheered and clapped and the announcer grinned.

   “Alright, got a good amount there, now let’s hear it for Lifeline!”

The small crowd went wild and it was clear who the winner was. Octavio bowed dramatically and high-fived Lifeline. She must have made a name for herself here the few weeks he was gone from here. As he was stepping out of the ring, she grabbed his wrist. Puzzled, he looked back at the woman. All she did was wink and wave before walking off into the crowd. What she said to him though bounced around before it hit him.

   “Better luck next time Tavi.”

That was Ajay. 

Of course, it was Ajay.

[roses-ruby]

Vote~

Alright my baby sluts, although Diary of a Nyctophiliac and DV 3 are confirmed, I’m having trouble deciding which new story to write next. Here are the top three I want to write, they are all oneshots:

Concubine!Tae

Genre: Smut, Fluff, small Angst, basically PWP 

You are the reigning Queen of your queendom, the daughter of your people and the highest ranking general in the history of your nation. Power, strength, determination, respect, honor, these are what make the women in your land. 

Women are knights, scholars, artists, high ranking members of your cabinet, everything that is valuable to the world. They have cultivated the land, made the once barren pieces of the earth inhabitable, with rules and laws and bearing children, and governorship. Men, on the other hand, are considered the weaker gender, meant to be protected and sheltered because of their inability to bear children. Expected to stay home and raise the young ones, keep the family’s honor and respect their superior counterparts. 

Although you are a mighty woman, strong and tough, you are also in touch with your softer manly side - which is why you can’t help falling for Kim Taehyung. A man who was meant to serve your sexual desires for just one mere night and ended up becoming so much more. But will your people ever accept such a dishonorable man as your consort? Will Kim Taehyung accept that you are a woman with duties, or will he succumb to his manly emotions and want too much? What will happen if you eventually have to choose between your love, Kim Taehyung and your precious Queendom in the end?

Name under construction:

Genre: Feminism (djkdh), angst

Taehyung was your simple, average thief. He was an orphan who had failed school, ended up inside the darkened world of petty gangs and drugs. So now he makes a living the only way he knows how. By stealing from the ones who he really considered to be ‘living.’ 

He ends up landing a jackpot in the upper suburbs of his small town one night. Finding a house that kept their backdoor shut but unlocked. Of course, he thinks, as he scavenges the manor for what little he’s worth, you can either live rich or live in fear. And while he’s clumsily making his way around this maze, a lamp switches on, exposing the thief. 

He was frozen, terrified where he stood in his worn-out off brand sneakers. There he saw you, sitting relaxed in your leather sofa chair. You were the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid his miserable eyes upon, quietly still, watching him in your nightwear like a hawk. As scared as he was of you, your beauty, the gun inside your hand, he was even more petrified of the limp body that laid beside your feet. Face bleeding raw, unrecognizable.

“Sit.” You threaten him, to the small stool on his right in front of you. “Sit, and I’ll tell you how I got here, then you tell me how you did. Understood?

And in that moment, as his impoverished life flashed before him, he had no other choice but to oblige.  

Megamind!Jin:

Genre: Fluff, Humor, Angst, mentioned Smut, e2l (i hate myself)

The city of Metropolis is quite the bustling, prosperous place. It’s also very quiet minus the fact that a villain in all black spandex likes testing his animal rays on innocent civilians every now and then. He once turned the mayor into a flying goat! Other than animal rays, he also robs the bank, creates traffic, sets robot monkeys loose into downtown with his minions and tries to harness the sun’s power to destroy the earth. You know, typical villain stuff.

It’s up to you, the widely beloved superhero of Metropolis, Metro Girl, to stop him! He’s the villain of your story and you’re the villain of his! And so far, your super awesome magical powers are winning. Although, you’ve always wondered just what’s behind that tight black mask and hideous screechy laughter he always embodies. How can someone just become so evil? Maybe you shouldn’t have wondered that, because one day a freak accident has him crash landing through the roof of your house. Fate decides to test you both as he is now greatly injured and covered in bandages, stuck planted on a wheelchair, completely immobile in your very own house!

Now you always had a good heart, so as much as you despise him, you let him stay until he heals with the plan of throwing him in jail once he does. And turns out, he’s even worse as a handicapped, needy house guest than he is as your powerful, flying, laser-shooting antagonist. But slowly, through the bickering and arguments and mockery, you come to find out, he’s not as bad as you thought. Just lost and lonely. With that newfound knowledge, friendship begins to grow. Friendship that has your heartbeat raising and cheeks blushing.

But, it terrifies you to remember, that once he gets better...he’ll be the same old evil villain again harassing old people and trying to destroy the world. What will you do then? You have a duty to your city, who adores you and you can’t let them down. After all, you’re the hero...and he’s the villain.

Vote here!

[thequeenoffools]

If I said parenting would be easy-  I lied (and I’m not sorry)

CHAPTER 1 (posted 3/3/20)

PG

There are a million things you worry about as a parent. Especially a parent to a young child. Especially a young mutant child.

Sure there are normal things like.. “what if they get hurt”, “What if they get sick” etc etc. Then there’s abnormal shit like “what if they get abducted by a government program”.

As a mutant- it happens more than you’d think it does. On that topic- you can trust me. I’ve had more than enough personal experience.

Thing is- I don’t want to see that happen as a parent. No parent of a mutant does. Especially if that parent spends their life working for ‘the cause’ and ‘saving the world’. Codewords for putting on spandex, fighting the military/police/government, and other people in spandex.

It’s a pretty cool gig. Let’s you meet all kinds of people. Then... well... shit settles down. Shit settles and you start worrying about munchkins. Which on its own is scary as hell.

Parenting? It’s terrifying. See everything’s good when you’re getting married. She loves you-you love her. It’s good. It’s great.

...Until around year two of marriage. That’s when the ‘b’ word comes up.

Maybe she talked to her friends. Maybe she saw a diaper commercial. Who the fuck knows?

Any way you slice it- the idea is now in her head.

And when the ‘baby’ idea gets in a woman’s head? Fuck is she determined. So, she waits. And waits. And waits.

And then she pounces.

“Darling... Kurt and Wanda are having a baby.” She says, looking all sexy- in her underwear at that. That’s entrapment right there.

But that’s old news. Kurt’s my best friend. I’ve known he and Wanda were trying for about a year now. We were all overjoyed when he announced that they conceived.

“Wouldn’t it be lovely if little Tj had a friend to play with?” Yup. That’s how it went.

The “Tj needed a friend’ excuse held up well with Mrs. Wagner. Who in turn told her husband to convince me.

He talked to me- which was really us sitting around with a beer in mostly silence.

Fun night.

She waited until after I ‘talked’ with him. Asked if I changed my mind.

Nope. Told her I shouldn’t be reproducing.

She did some stuff that night that kinda... swayed me. And then... then came the alcohol.

I was drinking- she was drinking- I got sentimental. Drunk Logan thought a baby was a great idea! Drunk Itsu did not help him come to reason. So, the pair of drunks went at it.

Cue the next morning. She’s hungover. I’m fine. We talk it out in greater detail. Then- Kurt and Wanda start doing baby things.

Itsu is so excited. She helps with the nursery, she helps to buy the clothes, she plans the baby shower.

She wants a baby, so, so, so badly.

Thing is- I saw how happy my friends were. I saw how much want she had for a little boy or girl for us to raise. I still had my reservations... but ya know the saying ‘happy wife happy life’?

Itsu really, really, really wanted a baby. For months she told me she wanted a baby. It’s not like we didn’t have the cash. Being a superhero is slightly lucrative. Plus, as a teacher- even if she just works at the institute- she makes a good little bit of coin herself. Wanda gets very, very, pregnant. Like huge. Seven months pregnant to be exact. Itsu was so, so, so excited for them. In that time frame- Scott and Jeanie announced that THEY were having a baby. That?

That was my wife’s final straw. Itsu’s eyes were daring me to say ‘no’. So I didn’t.

I caved. “Alright dear, let’s make a baby.” Were my exact words.

I figured Kurt and Wanda had been trying for about a year... and god knows his line produces a hell of a lot of babies- it would take a while for Itsu to actually get pregnant. A year or two? Time for us to really adjust to the idea.

I’d come to her way of thinking. A little baby would be fun... especially if it was with her. I couldn’t think of a woman I wanted to have a kid with more than Itsu. A little boy or girl to teach. To love. A piece of me and her. It’s not a bad idea.

It’s not like anyone could say we were rushing things- either. So, we started trying.

Itsu did everything she was supposed to do to ensure fertility.

It was a lot of work on her part. In the meantime- I got to enjoy making a baby. It was great. Sex four or five times a day. She’s turned on more, she’s receptive, she’s having fun- it was great.

Two months in- lo and behold she’s pregnant.

I freaked out a little. To be honest- so did she.

We wanted a baby- yea. But we didn’t expect it to happen so fast. We sat at the doctor’s office in shock.

Then we snapped out of it. We celebrated with all of our friends and family members.

Then- it started.

The pregnancy crazy- is what Scott called it. Slim said all women got that way. And that I was lucky my pregnant wife couldn’t read my mind and get pissed about shit I hadn’t even said.

Think he was talking about his own experience there. The pregnancy crazy is a unique thing.

You want to prevent it- but she’s so fucking cute when she’s pregnant, barefooted, and yelling over something stupid. It usually went like this.

3 AM - “Logan I want French fries”

French fries? At 3 AM? I was well stocked. But NOOOOO- they had to be from McDonald’s. That’s the craving part.

She won’t sleep until she gets her fries.

McDonald’s is pretty much open 24/7. It wouldn’t have been a big deal- except it was three in the fucking morning and I’d just got back from a mission in Romania.

But she and our boy- we’d recently found out what the baby was- wanted French fries. So I get my ass in the car, get her fries, come home.

“This is good but it would be better with a frosty.” She said.

Guess what’s closed at 3 AM? Wendy’s. Guess where the only place in the WORLD is that sells frosty’s? Wendy’s.

I improvised. Woke Ice Cube up- had him make her something. He was like seventeen at the time. Couldn’t get a girlfriend to save his life. Couldn’t understand the unique brand of crazy they hold.

Three years later- we kinda figured out why that was. Really shoulda seen that one coming. The ice cream wasn’t as good as a frosty- but it went over okay. Way better than expected.

The pregnancy progresses. Baby boy is taking up so much space. They’re saying this is easily a ten-pound baby. Which started to make Itsu a little nervous- if we’re being honest. Wanda and Jean assured her that the labor was painful- but she would get killer drugs.

We’re near the end and the crazy was upped about five notches. I’m talking maximum hormone endured crazy. I make one little comment about how big she’s gotten- bam. Hit in the face with a flip-flop. Repeatedly.

I got in trouble for saying I made a baby. Told that I did not ‘make a baby’ I made half of a baby. She was doing all the work.

Guess I couldn’t argue with that.

She always apologized after. My sweet wife wasn’t capable of holding a real grudge.

The delivery day gets here- baby’s fine. Mommy’s fine.

We look at our tiny bundle of joy with a sense of awe..and fear.

Little Akihiro came into the world screaming.

Four years now and he hasn’t stopped.

We’re raising him as best as we can- given the circumstances. Kid’s got a personality a mile wide.

He hangs out with Tj- his buddy in crime. A lot like her daddy is for me.

Kurt joked around and said something about marriage. Wanda hit him upside the head and told him not to put that on kids.

IF our lines ever do mix- it’ll be those two. We had to learn A LOT about things we couldn’t begin to understand.

I now know that you can’t leave a wet diaper on a kid, potty training a boy is really hard, and as a parent, you will never eat anything that isn’t from a happy meal or chicken in the shape of something else. (Aki seems to prefer dinosaurs. Don’t know what the difference is- but fuck will he let you know it’s not the same)

In our four years of parenting, I got another kid. A clone. Itsu loved her instantly. There was no way she was going anywhere but with us.

They were going to destroy her. We... couldn’t let them. She was a little one-year-old. The shit they’d already done was horrific. I wasn’t going to tell Itsu until I made up my mind- but Fury (who I think was kinda rooting for the

kid) ‘accidentally’ sent my wife a picture. She was instantly in love.

She said that we had the money, we had the room, and we had enough space in our lives for a poor little girl. So I went to visit where they had the kid- and she was so vibrant. Even after all they put her through. Even at such a young age.

She came home with us that day.

Itsu didn’t even wait for the ink on the adoption papers to dry before picking her up and toting her off to her new life. She’s five now. Laura- our little Laura. Love her to death. She’s a little trooper.

She doesn’t remember much of what happened to her. Thank god.

She just knows that her daddy took her away from somewhere bad and gave her a mommy and a brother.

I didn’t explain it that way- those are Itsu’s words.

Laura and Akihiro are one year apart. And because she’s a clone- there’s no way of denying she’s part of my family. She looks a lot like me. Which makes Itsu love her even more. Even if she had another mother.

Itsu was just made for shit like that. At the same time during those precious few years- Jeanie got pregnant again, Rogue got pregnant (god we don’t know how that happened), and Wanda got pregnant but lost the baby.

Babies are literally everywhere. The x-men are family orientated more than ever.

Fuck even Bobby was talking about adopting with his “Boyfriend”- code word for ‘fiancée’ that ‘no one’ knows about.

Most of us ‘x-parents’ were going through the same shit.

And by shit, I mean ‘x-women getting pregnant’. These women are naturally strong and trained in like fifty million types of hand to hand combat. Try telling a pregnant Rogue that she can’t have the last of the ice cream. Or a pregnant Jean that she can’t take up the bathroom for five hours. You know what you get? Punched. You get punched.

Ororo moved away to Wakanda. T’challa was ‘smitten’ as soon as he laid eyes on her. Think they’re having a kid- now that I think about it.

And I think.. it was a girl. Yea. It’s a girl. We’ve got a trip planned to go see her when the baby gets here. So how do you balance raising a kid and saving the world?

It helps that Itsu is amazing. Truly amazing. She takes care of the home front when I can’t. It’s a lot to put on her... but she handles it well.

She doesn’t get to leave the house much.

And until the kids are in school- she really won’t get to have much of a job. That’s her decision- not mine. I let her do what she thought would be right for her. Her not getting out of the house is a shame though. I love it when we go out

In fact, it’s what lead me to take her to a Gala with me tonight. A night out for her away from the munchkins.

I hate going to these things but Chuck insists that at least one team be there. I drew the short straw.

Some fancy event with everyone dressed up in some stuffy opera house like thing watching a boring play and seeing some shitty art.

Bores the hell out of me. Not as much as the talking afterward, though.

Putting a face on the leading mutant team. Giving the people something they can positively relate to. (Chuck’s words)

Remy and Rogue are here somewhere. I don’t know where.

Knowing them? A night out without their little one? They have a two-year-old. You can bet they’ve snuck away to some random corner of the place to have at it. I offered the same to Itsu. She just raised her eyebrow and smiled.

I don’t think it was a ‘no’ necessarily. But... we’ll have to see. We were talking to this random guy- more her doing the talking than I was. I didn’t know who he was. He commented on how lovely my wife was. I thanked him, she smiled, we did what we were supposed to do. By all intents and purposes, I was on my best behavior.

Even when I saw Remy sneaking off to the parking lot with his very intoxicated wife. I wanted to join but noooo. I stayed. God knows someone had to.

Random guy struck up a conversation with her- asked if she had any kids.

I guess that’s a normal thing to ask a woman in her early thirties. I don’t know. It’s not like you can tell she’s had kids. She’s as fit as ever.

Itsu is so proud of our kids. She told him, quite happily, that we had two. Two amazing little miracles.

The man was all smiles. Said he’d recently become a grandfather and that there was no gift greater than children.

He obviously didn’t see when my ‘gift’ threw my phone in the toilet this morning and ran off giggling.

Whatever. Chuck wheels over and greets the man. Turns out he’s some kind of Prime Minister. Go figure. He’s looking at investing funding in the school- big deal. He asks if he can meet with Itsu and me over dinner to discuss it.

We were happy- we sealed the deal. It was as good as done. We of course agreed. However, as we’re parting, he says “And bring the little ones.” We had a shared moment of sheer panic.

Our kids?

Not well behaved.

Not even decently behaved.

Nowhere near Prime Minister level.

But he’d already walked away.

I turned to Itsu and said we could tell him they were both sick.

She agreed.

Chuck- on the other hand- said we had to bring the kids. The only reason the man was really interested was that we were a family. He liked that. We needed the ‘miracles’.

Fuck.

The dinner is set for two days from now.

And we are royally fucked.

“We’ll bribe them,” Itsu says, gripping my arm as we walk down the many, many concrete steps in front of the building. (Which is some ugly color of red that I can’t begin to identify.)

She’s dressed beautifully in a black silk gown that has a slit up the side that nearly reaches her hip. Strapless, low cut- all of my favorite things. Her hairs pinned up high on her head- which is amazing considering how long it is. At night I like to run my fingers through it. She usually lets Laura brush it before bed- god only knows why- but it’s one of the girl’s favorite things to do.

“Yea?” I pat her hand on my arm. “With what?” I made it a point to not dress as fancy as she did.

One- because I hate these things, and two- because Slim told me to so I have to do the opposite of what he told me.

They’re just lucky I’m not wearing jeans. “Anything.” She says. “Anything their hearts desire.” Her voice is calm and soothing. She’s got a plan. I know that sound anywhere.

“Pretty sure that’s world domination- babe,” I smirk. “Or candy. Who knows with those two?” Itsu sighs and closes her eyes.

“I can’t imagine Aki as a dictator.” She says, carefully reaching the last step. She didn't wear her heels tonight because it makes her a lot taller than me. I didn't mind but... she did. Whatever.

They're her feet. “He’s got too short of an attention span and too much love for his mommy.” I have to chuckle. “Laura could do it,” I say. Itsu nods. “Laura could do it.” Our girl could definitely be running shit some day.

Not that Aki couldn’t... but she likes she said- the boy’s got a very, very, VERY short attention span. I think he’d find it kinda boring. We walk back to our car, stewing on what we’re going to do.

The car is not what we started off with. It's more 'sensible'. Meaning 'boring and slow'. A journey? Who wants to drive a journey?

“We’ll make a list of acceptable things.” She says finally, buckling her seatbelt in our Dodge. She immediately kicks off her flats and pulls her feet under her in the seat. She can only be fancy for so long. I love that about her. “And they’ll follow the list.”

Yea.. that'll happen.

“Aki can’t follow simple directions.” I laugh, pulling out of the crowded parking lot. “How’s he going to follow a list?”

“We’ll bribe him.” She repeats. "There's got to be something he'll behave for."

I laugh again. "Let's see... toys? No. Candy? Not really. We have some luck with pancakes- but he won't eat them that late in the day...."

"We'll find something." She assures. "We have to start with him. Laura will follow suit."

“Hmm.... he’ll be easier than Laura,” I say in thought.

“Laura can be bribed with enough money,” Itsu says.

It’s true. Our girl has a thing for cash. She never uses it on anything- just hoards it. Like a tiny ferocious little dragon.

“So... bribing the kids,” I say. “That’s our plan?” “That’s our plan.” She nods. “No way that can backfire.” I laugh, taking her hand and holding it while I pull out into the road. “Have some faith.” She smiles radiantly. “The kids might surprise you.” I hope so. I doubt it- but I hope so. “You ever thought of making another?” I ask. “Getting a redo?” She shakes her head. “15 hours of labor with Aki. And I’ve still got stretch marks.”

“Barely.” I snort. She glares at me.

“Bribe the children.” She says, still glaring. “We get through an hour-long dinner, say we have to put them to bed, secure funding for the school and call it a night.”

I nod. “Sounds good, babe.”

She returns my nod. “God,” she says. “I won’t be sleeping tonight. I'm so nervous.”

“That makes two of us.” I joke.

She smirks. “Whatever will we do with all this alone adult time?”

I kiss her hand. “I can think of a few things.”

She can bet after all this kid talk we’ll be using a rubber. One Aki is more than enough. Add in one Laura to the mix and well.... it gets a little messy.

Wouldn’t trade it for the world, though. My life was pretty shitty before they came along. I wouldn’t go back if you paid me. That doesn’t mean the dinner’s not going to suck- it is. But... we’ll figure something out. We always do.

[sesskag1postchallenge]

Ch8 - Operation Grandpup Drop (A SitBoy Discord Crack Fic)

Warning this story is M bordering NSFW Chapter 8:

 Stormie Like Weather08/15/2019

InuKimi lifted her long leg, and with one angry stomp, she laid out the foolish servant, "Jaken, you know your place. Do not force me to remind you a second time." Her darkening gold tinged eyes glared down at him, promising suffering, "I allowed you to come here for entertainment, not for disturbances. Now." She clapped her hands together and Juken suddenly appeared, "Your betrothed wishes to copulate, take him away before you no longer have a future husband." 

Juken's eyes filled with little hearts and stars. "Yes, Lady InuKimi. It will be my pleasure."

InuKimi kicked him through the doorway, and he slid until he met Juken's bare pink painted webbed feet claws. InuKimi, allowed her poison to drip over the fake staff of two heads, "You no longer need this ridiculous weapon." 

"Very precise My Lady, I do not intend to allow Jaken to leave our love next for many weeks to come." She began dragging his concussed body theough the halls and down the stairs. "The chains are ready my love!" 

She hadn't been kidding. The 'love nest' looked more like a torture chamber. Before he could resist, Naraku as Jaken found himself hog tied with a mask on that blinded him and allowed very little room to breathe. 

"There." Juken stepped back from her work, "Just how you like it, Jakey Wakey."

Walter20508/15/2019

As many times as he had gotten drunk and absorb poison or miasma through his wind tunnel Miroku had built up something of a resistance, meaning that he was the first to awaken of the three in the room. 

 "Oooh my head...Naraku!" yelled Miroku as his memories returned alongside his wit. He was up and about in a moment looking for the toad but all he saw was Kagome largely naked in the bed and Sango topless on the ground besides him. He inspected his love and his anger grew as he saw that she had been partially undressed by someone who obviously had short small hands. 

 After laying Sango in bed with Kagome and covering the both of them with a sheet he locked the bedroom door behind him and stalked through the Sealed Castle, finally hearing toady sounding voices in a small chamber near the kitchens. He busted into the room ready for action but instead found two toads, one being Naraku Jaken tied, bound, and naked and then the being earlier identified as Juken, wearing some kind of a revealing black garb (Miroku doesn't know about spandex yet) and holding something akin to a whip in one hand, with chains and other torture devices. 

 Juken chastised Miroku for interrupting the two of them but noticed Jaken becoming increasingly agitated at the presence of the monk. His agitation seemed to increase tenfold with eyes going wide when the monk raised his hand, clenching prayer beads. 

 Miroku knew his mind would forever be haunted by what he saw and decided that it all had to go. He opened his wind tunnel and sucked in everything; Jaken, Juken, the chains, the whip, the torture devices, it all went bye bye. He went to close down his wind tunnel after the room was clear, only to notice his wind tunnel shrinking until it went away entirely. 

 'Huh, so that was the real Naraku then?' Miroku wondered in surprise, before vomiting a big jet of black blood as his eyes rolled up into the back of his head.

 Stormie Like Weather08/15/2019

InuKimi had only been gone a moment to gather new clothes for her guests, yet when she arrived the door was locked. Sensing only the Slayer and Kagome inside, she decided to meddle elsewhere.  With a pounding headache, Kagome decided she  must have gotten drunk at some point. Something soft rested against her cheek. She kept her eyes closed against the painful light and held her throbbing temple, burrowing her face into the softness for comfort. Only did she open her eyes when a soft moan came from someone other than herself. "Ah, Kagome if you were interested I wish you would have mentioned it before I married the monk."

 Walter20508/15/2019

Inukimi arrived at the largely vacuumed room where she had left the two toads, finding the Monk unconscious on the floor next to a pool of foul smelling blood. Knowing what had been in the room beforehand and seeing that the Monk's cursed hand had been cured, she was quickly able to come to a conclusion that resolved the confusion concerning the events she happened upon in the other room earlier. 

 She carried the monk like a purse as she summoned Inuemi to hurriedly clear off the dining room table, before depositing the Monk there on his back and stripping him down to reveal the burn scars along his arm and chest. Using the powers of her inter-dimensional necklace once again, she reached into the pocket dimension that Miroku's Wind Tunnel had used and brought back Jaken, Juken, Naraku, and the completed Shikon Jewel back into this dimension. Instantly the burn marks disappeared and Miroku started to heal, as Inukimi suspected the poisonous nature of the Jewel was responsible. 

 When she brought the beings back, Naraku was bound in sealing chains, while Jaken and Juken were brought back in their normal attire, all three now sitting or restrained in the dining room chairs. Because Naraku had died a legitimate death (versus faking his death in at least one previous occasion) Miroku's Wind Tunnel was thankfully still gone. He awoke, before declaring Naraku's name again as he got into a fighting stance, before Inukimi whacked him upside his head with her fan. 

 "Tsk Monk, I thought I made my rules very clear. We are here only for mating and mating only, no killing or otherwise harming of the Castle Occupants is permitted. Is that clear?" asked Inukimi as she glanced between both Miroku and Naraku before the two of them nodded, Naraku realizing just how much more powerful Inukimi was that she was able to bring him back from Wind Tunnel Purgatory. 

 "Good. Now I shall hold on to this," she indicated the Jewel, "And whoever wants it may fight over it after they leave."

 imjaneees08/15/2019

Meanwhile with Kagome, she was lamenting over how her life has turned out the past few hours. Her eyes turned up, "What did I do to deserve this?"

High above, beyond human comprehension, a woman glared heartedly at her brother, who fidgeted on his feet.

"When you told me you wanted a mate for your greatest masterpiece as a birthday present, I generously had her made. A few hundred years in the future yes, but I made sure she would find her way to him. And THIS is how your creations treat her?" the beautiful woman hissed.

Tsukiyomi raised his hands in a human gesture of surrender," Hey, hey, hey, it's not my fault you made her too perfect and now everyone of my children wants her!"

Amaterasu's eyes narrowed to slits," So this is my fault then?!"

Back down to earth, Kagome sneezed the mother of all sneezes. She reached for a cloth to wipe her nose," That's one hell of a sneeze. I wonder who's talking about me."

Only the cloth turned out to be a sleeve and she nervously looked up to just whose clothes she wiped her snot on.

 Walter20508/15/2019

"Thanks, Kagome," muttered Sango. She had been putting her top back on, but now that it was drenched in snot she chose to take it off entirely and discard it off to the side of the bed. 

 "Sorry Sango I...when did you get in here?" asked Kagome dryly, as she was now suffering from the effects of repeated miasma exposure. 

 "Uhh, me and the Monk had gotten drunk and were trying to find someplace to get...sloppy...when we stumbled in here and found you and...Jaken...," Sango recalled, realizing that she was no longer drunk or tipsy. Had so much time passed or was it a side effect of inhaling the miasma? 

 "Oh god, thank you thank you so much for stumbling in here. I don't know what was up with Jaken?" wondered Kagome after profusely thanking their accidental intervention. 

 "I think he might've been possessed, I remember hearing Miroku mention something about Naraku and his evil aura before we were doused with miasma from the toad's staff. Oh Kami, I wonder where the houshi is, I have to get back to him," said Sango as she started to get up to leave. 

 "Wait Sango! Before you go, I'm sure Miroku is fine with Sesshomaru and Inukimi in the Castle. Actually, I wanted to ask you a few things concerning...mating...and demon rituals...if you knew anything about them...," said Kagome, jumped up to grab her arm before casting her head down with a growing blush while making her request. 

 "Huh, oh sure I...wait are you thinking of? Heh, well here's what I know, first thing you don't let them push you around, as the female you have all of the power...," Sango explained as she got excited while sitting in bed with Kagome, the monk now completely forgotten as Sango thought of the prospect of Kagome and Sesshomaru.

 Stormie Like Weather08/15/2019

Having left to run off some of his wooing Kagome stress, as soon as Sesshomaru reentered the Shiro, a growl rumbled from his chest and he ran to where he could smell both Naraku and Kagome's scent. The door collapsed from his youki alone, the angry energy lashed out like flames around him. The scene before him however instantly quelled it all. His mind blanked.  There before him, the object of his desire was tweaking the nipples of the Slayer and asked, "Are you sure men like this too?"

 Walter20508/15/2019

The two of them glance up and shrieked before gasping at the sight of Sesshomaru standing there, eyes glowing red, surrounded by his red demonic aura, sword held at the ready. For some reason he was perspiring heavily and was not only armor less but also shirtless as well, wearing only his hakama. Sweat glistened off of his bulging abs, pecks, and bulging shoulders, causing both women to almost immediately start drooling. 

 "Mate...Naraku...Trouble...Come...Slay...Find...Friend...Sexy...Mate," Sesshomaru growled out loud as he dropped his sword on the ground while advancing towards the bed. He seemed to have considerable troubling controlling himself as a very noticeable bulge formed down under and Kagome looked to her friend in sudden alarm. 

 "Sango, run, go get help!" Kagome urged her friend while pushing her off the bed. She was the one Sesshomaru wanted (and honestly, in this moment she wouldn't mind having him as well) but he wasn't in his right state of mind. 

 The Tajiya ran out of the room still half naked, Sesshomaru letting her go with only a side glance before reaching the foot of the bed. 

 Although she was now more inclined towards Sesshomaru, she was still 50/50 on the whole mating issue. Still, from when she had talked with Inuemi earlier, she knew Sesshomaru in his current state of mind would instantly cut down any male that came into the room and any female would be in danger as well, which is why she had told Sango to run get help, just to get her friend out of harm's way. 

 She had hoped for better circumstances, but it looks like decision time was now. Gingerly, she held out her hand for him and he grasped it as he jumped into bed with a single leap. Behind him the door slammed close. 

 On the other side Inukimi placed several locks, a few lengths of chains, and about a dozen seals and barriers over the door.

 Stormie Like Weather08/15/2019

"As the female I have all the power..." Kagome reminded herself. Instead of feeling intimidated by the beast of Sesshomaru, she urged him forward, staying just out of his reach but not acting as prey. Small steady hands caught his shoulders. He felt rigid beneath her touch. She did the only thing she could think of, and nuzzled the side of his jaw until he grew less tense. He hadn't shaved since that morning, his prickly jaw teasing her lips as she moved her mouth over his skin and to his ear. "Lay down Sesshomaru." Her fingers ran down his arms, catching his hands so that they maintained contact, and he couldn't grab her, she helped him follow her wishes. His eyes flashed gold for a moment, and she hoped what she was doing would work as she straddled his waist. Only his hakama kept them apart, but it was enough. She leaned down and held his face in her hands as his captured her hips. "I will not be mating you at this time Sesshomaru, not with you so out of control, but I don't mind helping you calm down." And with that she helped him in ways she'd never touched another man.

 Walter20508/15/2019

His breathing return to normal along with his eyes as Kagome moved off slightly to the side after helping him to calm down. 

 "Hnn, that was...I've never met, known, or heard a female that could or would do something like that," he whispered in an (for once) awed voice.

 For her part Kagome was no longer as thirsty but now had the lingering taste of salt in her mouth as she cleaned her fingers with her lips, much like a cat. 

 "It's decently common where I'm from," she replied softly, as she waged an inner war with herself, a battle to jump him now that he was back to his old self versus saving herself for a more suitable time. Sesshomaru saved her the trouble by suddenly pulling her over to him and flipping her end for end. 

 "Now Mik...Kagome, I shall honor your wishes not to mate at this time, but know this, I shall not let your favor go unreturned on this day," said Sesshomaru before his mouth became preoccupied. 

 Soon enough Kagome found herself to be thirsty all over again, along with growing increasingly hoarse.

 Stormie Like Weather08/16/2019

Chest bouncing, Sango rushed into the dining hall for help. InuKimi was trying to peel an man, that looked just like Naraku, from her legs as she hissed, "I do not care that you think you are powerful, I've seen nothing impressive from you in the past and you will not be getting into my skirts." 

"Uh, help?" Sango blinked over at the sight of Miroku staring into his palm, the one that usually was covered and sealed... "Miroku!?" She ran to him, her breasts flopping about as she caught him in a hug and grabbed his open hand. "The tunnel is gone!?"

InuKimi used her fan to slap Naraku away, the thin scratches it left in its wake were already healing, "I have a room to seal." She snapped, stalking off. When one thing went her way, something was bound to go the opposite, like Naraku's sudden infatuation. Hmph.

 imjaneees08/16/2019

Inukimi inwardly grimaced. Oh the things she did for her dream of having grand pups. She could still faintly smell the blood on her claws when she killed the witch she commissioned for the lust incense she had put up in hidden corners of the Palace. Idiot thought she could swindle the Western Lady. Amateur. The incense might have been a tad too strong though since everyone but her seemed to be affected. Children these days, such low endurance. 

Suddenly there was a crash and in came Kagome with nothing but her strange white neko undergarments. In her hands were a fistful of the incense. She pointed an accusing finger at Inukimi, "You! YOU!" Were the only words the poor miko seemed to be able to form. 

Inukimi sighed, "I was hoping you would not notice until after you have been pupped. I suppose I would just have to try harder in my next attempt then."

 Walter20508/17/2019

With Naraku taking up residence within the Sky Castle the Band of Thirteen ended up arriving back there as well since they had been wanting to take out the pestering spider hanyou for their groundbreaking first mission together. 

 Inukui was the first to enter, declaring that she was no longer a part of the Band of 13 and that wasn't what she had in mind when she signed up for the adventuring group. Everyone in the welcome home party was bewildered as to what she meant until in walked Inuyasha with a swollen belly, accompanied by Kouga and Bankotsu. 

 "I keep telling you it's mine. You were with him only twice whereas I took him nearly every night!" exclaimed Kouga as he laid a hand on Inuyasha's left shoulder. 

 "You wish! It'd only take one night for me to pup anyone's belly, that's just how great I am. You're probably too impotent as a scrawny wolf," countered Bankotsu with a hand on Inuyasha's right shoulder. 

 "Keh, guys it doesn't really matter, we'll all be raising my pups, together," Inuyasha replied to the both of them as he patted his belly affectionately before patting each of their hands in turn. 

 Later, now that the whole group was together again, the girls ended up having a girl's night out at the artificial Castle Hot Springs. Inukimi was still banished due to her Inucense Incident but everyone else was present and having fun with fruits, cheese, spirits, and fun times. 

 After everyone started getting bombed they start with the silly contests, with the older of them (Inuemi, Inukui, Kagome, Sango, Ayame, Kikyo, Hitomiko, Kagura, Yura, Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi) comparing chest sizes first thing, with the two Inu sisters coming out on top (Inuemi) and bottom (Inukui). 

 For her part Kagome was just having a great time, her anger over the Inucense forgotten since Inukimi allowed her to use her Inter-dimensional Necklace to bring her friends over for a visit.

 Stormie Like Weather08/17/2019

After a rousing game of 'who can bounce the most cherries into Kagome's mouth off thier boobs', again InuEmi being the victor, Kagome finally thought to ask the question that had been on her mind throughout the entire evening, "I wonder what Sesshomaru is up to?" While none of the ladies there knew, on the opposite end of the Shiro, Sesshomaru was being berated for letting his half brother become a father first.

 imjaneees08/17/2019

Sesshomaru, with his fce still stuck in the default setting, wondered idly if his choice of resurrecting his father's side hoe was a good idea for the nth time. His father was there, which is a plus, less work for him, but at what cost?

Toga, for his part, was wondering just where Sesshomaru got his perpetually indifference countenance. "Boy, just what is it that's the problem? We both know you desire Kagome, you're practically spelling it out for her. What isn't working? Do you need some pointers?"

Sesshomaru sighed, at what cost indeed.

 Stormie Like Weather08/17/2019

As Sesshomaru remained quiet, Toga took his silence to mean he needed all the tips of the trade. Beginning with how he'd won over InuKimi, the three nearby villages' woman, all the mermaids of two of the coastlines, Izayoi, and ended with how he'd managed to bed all the female oni of the underworld. "It's just that easy, son." Inuyasha shouted from his belly rubbing groupies, "There ain't nothing to it! I don't know how you could suck so badly asshole!"

 imjaneees08/17/2019

Sesshomaru took a deep breath, "Unlike either of you, my miko is neither a brazen hussy nor a vulgar cretin. She.... Cannot seem to comprehend my signals."

Back in the spring, Kagome sneezed.

 Stormie Like Weather08/17/2019

Inukui put her hand to Kagome's head, "You don't feel especially hot for a human..." Shrugging it off, Kagome sighed, "It must be allergies. I'm not sick, and there's no way this many people are talking about me." Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi splashed their way over, "What if they are!?" Eri giggled, "Yeah, there are so many guys here!" Yuka and Ayumi both spoke at once, "And just what is going on between you and the 'killing perfection guy'? He sounds so dreamy!!"

 imjaneees08/18/2019

Kagome's lips pursed up in thought, "I'm sure that's not it. I mean, sure he's gotten more physical with me in the past few hours than in the entire years I've known him but maybe it's just the season? I mean, some youkai are affected by the season right?"

 Walter20508/18/2019

The four of them were interrupted for the ever increasing next round of naughty games. Now they were having a breast milk judging contest, seeing who had the best tasting milk between those who were currently lactating, the contestants in this instance being Kagome, Sango, Inuemi, and Yuka (who was now married with a child in the present). All of the contestants were blushing madly while the "tasting" phase was going on, with Kagome thinking it was a very good thing that everything below her waist was in the water. 

 In the end Kagome won surprisingly enough, the others chalking it down to her miko powers causing her to have 'Pure tasting milk'. 

 "Well we wouldn't know anything about youkai or mating seasons," replied her friends who had only been in the past for a few hours now, "But you two seem to have some real chemistry between you two. Y'all seem like a great match."

 "You really think so?" asked Kagome as she gave her friends the gauging side eye with a little blush.

 Stormie Like Weather08/18/2019

Eri nodded, "Much better than that two timing bad boy you were after before!" At this, InuEmi's eyes widened, "You were into someone other than my brother, Kagome!?" "Well... not exactly..." She sputtered and took another drink of sake.

 Walter20508/18/2019

The peace and quiet of the party was interrupted when Bankotsu suddenly burst into the private spring, causing most of the ladies present to scream and cover up their chests. He had to dodge a few dance of blades, strands of lethal hair, and a wind scar from some of the quickly armed ladies before he could make a placating gesture. 

 "Ladies I'm really sorry for the intrusion, but Inuyasha has gone into labor and we need some of the towels in here," explained Bankotsu as he grabbed a few of the rags and ran back the other way, closing the doors in his wake. But now Kagome was curious along with some of the others so they hurriedly dressed in towels and went to see the commotion for themselves. 

 When they arrived in the dining room several of the men were seated there, including Kouga (who was wringing his hands), Sesshomaru, Jaken, Juken, and a few others. 

 "What's going on?" asked Kagome as she came to stand dripping next to Sesshomaru. 

 "Exactly as it looks. We were enjoying steaks and games when Inuyasha crapped his pants. We thought it was an upset stomach but it turned out to the male version of his water breaking. He's in labor now with Toga acting as the head nurse with Inukimi, Bankotsu, and Naraku providing backup as midwives," Sesshomaru explained, just as Toga himself burst out of the room. It must have had a sound barrier placed over it because as soon as the door opened they all could heard Inuyasha's pained cries and yelling along with his accusations at both Kouga and Bankotsu. 

 "I hate to neuter my own son, but we're going to have to do a scrotarium section to get those pups out of there," he said as he wiped blood and poop from his formerly white apron and surgical mask, "Sesshomaru, excuse me for a second but I'm going to borrow Tensiega in case things go south. Naraku, I'll need another spritz of miasma before making the insertion...,"

 Quietly, Kagome and the other girls headed back to the hot spring party.

 imjaneees08/18/2019

Naraku pinched the bridge of his nose, "And you people ask me why I rarely visit."

Still thinking it bizarre to have Naraku around without something or someone dying, Kagome went back to their hot spring party, still as confused as ever.

High above, the Gods weren't fairing any better with both Tsukiyomi and Amaterasu now wondering where it all went wrong because nothing is happening as it was went to and Kagome still wasn't anywhere near getting mated to the youkai she was made for.

 Stormie Like Weather08/18/2019

"Inuyasha... Are you sure you didn't mate with any..one else?" Toga asked his youngest as he pulled back his mask. "I'd never betray the Band of thirteen!" His Father's brows rose, "You're going to have to come up with a better lie than that, son." He chuckled, showing the singleton half in hanyou half worm to his son, "You're going to have to do some explaining..." Inuyasha'who eyes were wide than they had ever been. Naraku, who had been assisting the birth, burst out laughing as he pulled the privacy curtain back and shouted to InuKimi, "Darling! My grandchildren are much cuter than yours!" InuKimi shoved him to the side, "I am not your darling! Now what is this about!?" There wriggling in Toga's arms was a large pink crying work with furry dog ears.

 imjaneees08/18/2019

Peeking out of the hotsprings, sensing imminent dismemberment, Kagome reached out and grabbed Naraku by his hair, "Okay, you've got some explaining to do, starting with what the hell you're doing here and how anyone hasn't tried killing you yet." Never mind that she's dragging the hanyou into an all girl's hot spring. Her want to answers is more important than her modesty at the moment.

Inukimi, on the other hand, was giving Toga a long, hard look. "Toga.... What is the meaning of this?"

 Walter20508/18/2019

"Why my dear Kagome, I've come here to sow my wild tentacles. Haven't you heard? This is the hottest mating party this side of Honshu," replied Naraku as his hair grew and wrapped around her grabbing arm in return. 

 "He...Hey!" Kagome exclaimed in protest as he moved closer to her vulnerable form. 

 "Now supposedly I'm to look for a suitable mate in the last female available for the Inu family, that being Inukui, but I'm just as interested in anyone that meets my fancy, including Kikyo's half-witted hair-brained copy. If Sesshomaru rejects you, then you're fair game," Naraku said both sarcastically and seductively as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, his tentacles coming out of his back to nearly engulf her as he embraced her in a hug. 

 "Stranger...Danger....," gasped Kagome as Naraku was bear hugging the breathe right out of her. 

 "Once you settle down, perhaps I can take you to a back room so we can become more...intimately acquainted with one another?" Naraku asking that was the last thing Kagome heard before she blacked out under his squeezing embrace. 

 Moments later, Sesshomaru saw Naraku carrying Kagome bridal style into one of the back rooms. He knew something was up immediately as she wasn't moving, but when he caught up to them the door to the room was locked and barred from the other side, leaving him growling.

 imjaneees08/18/2019

When Sesshomaru managed to finally bust the bloody door open, which was a few hours or so later, the sight that greeted him wasn't what he was imagining. He had expected either blood everywhere or something of the sort but not....this.

There Kagome was, on the hanyou's lap, but not in the sense it was meant for. The girl was bawling her eyes out as Naraku handed her what seemed to be the 20th piece of cloth judging by the amount on the floor. She accepted it and blew her nose.

Kagome sniffed, "And, it's like, all i ever wanted was for someone to love me for me, you know? Not because of who I was before and all that shit, or because of what I can do for them? Is that too much to ask? I mean, I don't look that much like her do I? Like my face is rounder, my eyes are blue," she looked down at her chest," and I'm pretty sure these things are already a cup bigger than hers and I'm not even a full grown adult yet!" and thus more tears ensued and the dark haired hanyou rubbed her back in comfort.

 Walter20508/18/2019

"My poor Kagome, all Inuyasha ever wanted you for was a replacement for Kikyo and all the others ever wanted you for was for a shard hunter. Even Sesshomaru just wants you as a pup factory, using your powers as the Shikon Miko to grant himself powerful offspring," soothed Naraku as he rubbed the miko's back. 

 Truth be told, all he wanted her for was to find where Inukimi was hiding the Shikon Jewel from him at, but Kagome didn't need to know that just yet, not before he had converted her over to his side. 

 "Yes yes it's all true I'm so worthless they don't want me for me they just want a detector and a pup factory and a replacement," Kagome sobbed even louder now as she blew her nose on one of his tentacles, which used its suction feeder to absorb the snot. Naraku noted that it had a particular taste, sort of like vanilla yogurt. 

 "There there. Hate them, it's only natural, a normal human reaction. You used to hate me back in the day so you should hate them all now, don't feel bad about it. Hate them, Hate them, Hate Them," Naraku whispered in her ear as he used his fabled St Hakushin conversion method. 

 Sesshomaru had enough has he stepped forward into the room. 

 "That's a lie, while I do want Kagome to help produce powerful offspring for me, I love her for who she is, not just what she can do for me. I've had such feelings ever since she had the courage to stand up to me alongside my brother and those feelings have only grown over the years. Since spending the last two weeks with her I've become convinced that those feelings are not misplaced," declared Sesshomaru loudly and boldly. 

 Naraku was sneering and jeering at his declared attempt to thwart his conversion but Kagome was staring at Sesshomaru wide eyed with her lips trembling.

 Slayer08/18/2019

"I believe  I can meet all of your requirements Ka Go Me." Sesshomaru  said as he walked up to the pair. He pulled Kagome off Naraku's lap and bent her back in a breath stopping kiss.

 Slayer08/18/2019

"Stability  marriage and love? Yes, I shall have the monk marry us you cant get more stable than me and I love you Kagome." He whispered against her lips.

 imjaneees08/18/2019

Naraku was starting to feel all weird with all affection in the air-he summed it up as some form of indigestion -and wondered idly where this sudden very open version of the Western Lord is coming from, but then his eyes landed on the side window and he almost felt sorry for the young, pretty, blue eyed miko.

"Eyes to the window Sweetheart, apparently you missed a few," because there, sitting innocently, were some of the incense Inukimi had commissioned.

[cksmart-world]

       SMART BOMB

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

November 1, 2022

ST. GEORGE DRAG SHOWS — ANOTHER FINE MESS

Seems like you can't swing a dead cat these days without hitting a man in fishnet stockings, a boostier and a 5 o'clock shadow. The staff here at Smart Bomb got into another fine mess in Washington County last week when we related the agony and vitriol of folks after two drag shows played in their staid community. Leeds Mayor Bill Hoster is not exactly tickled pink (not really his color) with Smart Bomb and electronic editions of City Weekly where it appears. He was misquoted when we wrote that he said, [D]rag shows are trouble with a capital T. It's true, he didn't say that. Hostler insists he didn't criticize the LGBTQ Utah Tech students who put on a drag show. And he did not say the drag shows “will warp our children's minds.” All that, he said, has harmed his reputation and amounts to libel. Yes, Wilson, that's a little hint: “LAWSUIT!” Here, in part, is how The Salt Lake Tribune quoted Hoster: “So if anyone doesn’t believe that the parading men dressed as women … wear[ing] fishnet stockings and spandex, grinding themselves on stage and parading themselves in front of children isn’t going to have an impact, those prior examples I just gave (human trafficking, sex assaults, pornography, addiction and pedophilia) should give you a conviction.” That speaks for itself, Wilson. So if you go to St. George, cover up the fishnet stockings and don't say, “trouble with a capital T.” The sky could fall — and it might hit Mayor Bill Hoster.

BREAKING UP BEFORE CHRISTMAS — SILVER LININGS

Listen Wilson, this is serious. More couples break up in the Beehive State right before the Christmas holidays than most other places, according to statistics analyzed by HerNorm, a website that “gives women actionable relationship and dating advice...” The staff here at Smart Bomb isn't sure why Utahns split then, but our astrologer Madam Venus Nebula points out that there are silver linings to pre-holiday estrangement. For starters you don't have to visit your spouse's family and wish them a merry Christmas. And, let's face it, you could save a lot of cash on pricey gifts you no longer must buy. Not only that but you won't have to throw the tree out after New Year's. That alone might be worth a trial separation. Of course the holidays come when the days are short and cold and some drink too much eggnog. According to HerNorm, there are warning signs that things are slipping away, such as, “If it's like pulling teeth getting him/her to spend time with you.” Duh. Another catalyst for calling it quits comes when fundamental beliefs and values drift in opposite directions, like when your spouse comes home wearing camouflage and a red MAGA hat. Counseling or not, some things just can't be overcome.

REAWAKENING AMERICAN TRUTHINESS

Who doesn't love an old-time religious revival full of fire and brimstone, piss and vinegar and red-blooded white nationalism. The ReAwaken America Tour is the best thing since 40,000 Klansmen in full regalia marched down Pennsylvania Avenue at high noon on Aug. 8, 1925. A sight to behold — white Christians showing America what conical hats can do for men's fashion. These days the traveling carnival, er uh, ReAwaken America Tour criss-crosses the country featuring conspiracy theorists, election deniers and right-wing superstars like Michael Flynn, who spout religious political truthiness like a bidet. And if they make some bucks in the process... well, it is the Lord's work, after all. Angry MAGAites and QAnoners need red meat to sustain them in spiritual warfare against Jesus-hating liberals, Black Lives Matter rioters and LGBTQers who want to ruin America and country music. And folks can snag deals on all kinds of stuff, like MAGA-wear, patriotic nutrition supplements and author-autographed books, including the Bible. Let's take our country back and that'll be $67.95 — cash or card? “Christianity is under attack,” Flynn warned. “The destiny of America is at stake.” Boy, you can say that again.

Post script — Well guys, that'll just about do it for another rousing week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of drag shows in St. George so you don't have to. Speaking of which, did you know that one of Brigham Young's sons was a well-known drag queen. No lie. Brigham Morris Young, aka Happy, took the stage name Madame Patterini and performed around Utah. Wonder what Leeds Mayor Bill Hoster thinks about that. Happy even performed in drag for LDS President Lorenzo Snow in April 1901. And in 1886 he played a "fine Irish girl" named Bridget McCarthy at a Christmas ball at the Salt Lake City Theatre. No Wilson, we're not making this up. Fast-forward 130 years and drag shows are more controversial than ever. Here are some headlines from around the country: Idaho drag performers mobilize as right-wing forces target their shows; Texas lawmaker pushing bill to ban kids from drag shows; Threats and intimidation at drag shows in Tennessee could increase hate crimes. All this despite the First Amendment that protects drag shows as free speech. Seems like right-wingers are for the Constitution until they aren't. Take our country back — from drag queens! Right.

OK Wilson, we've got to do something to cheer up Leeds Mayor Bill Hoster and the other folks in St. George who aren't happy that Satan and drag shows have materialized in their beautiful and sedate corner of the world. That form of “entertainment” is nothing but trouble, trouble, trouble. So tell the band to take our heels off and get us outa here:

Trouble, oh we got trouble, Right here in River City! With a capital "T" That rhymes with "D" And that stands for Drag,

We've surely got trouble! Right here in River City, Right here! Gotta figger out a way To keep the young ones moral after school!

Ya got trouble, With a capital "T" And that rhymes with "P" And that stands for Pool. Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule! Oh, we've got trouble. We're in terrible, terrible trouble. Those shows with harry men in drag are a devil's tool! Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble! With a "T"! Gotta rhyme it with "D"! And that stands for Drag!!!

(Ya Got Trrouble — Meredith Wilson from Music Man, modified by the Smart Bomb Band)

[berezina]

THE FOLLOWING DAY, SATURDAY, JANUARY 12th, I also didn't tweet, and my iCal reminds me why. I had an invite to a glammish Manhattan party. Cocktails at 7pm before guests moved on to dinner. That's the kind of true but implausible detail you cut from a novel.

Not that I'd been invited, exactly. I'd scored a plus-one from the college friend I've called 'Sarah.' For those new around here, Sarah is a type-A daylight creature of the tech-finance woods. Which isn't my main problem with her, though it makes small-talking around our periodic hostilities hard. She's short, blonde, and works out enough to be fit without becoming slender, a frustration she'll only reference in passing because direct conversation about it would make her feel like the wrong sort of woman. She lives on the Williamsburg waterfront in one of those glassy towers that are easy to despise until you're inside a high-floor apartment. The East River Ferry cuts its engine and glides into the dock below… a glass-muted helicopter beats by at eye-level between you and the Midtown skyline. In her apartment I question my life choices, decide it's too late, then think, Is it, though?

It was true that not having Sarah in my life was unthinkable, and also that we were overdue for a breakup. Our friendship endured because a break would be awkward for the mutual friends we both actually liked. She'd done the same math, I was sure. For girls we're both good at math.

The other thing keeping us together I doubt she noticed: her epic drive to avenge her sub-Alice status in college by proving that I was sub-Sarah, now. Which I was on her scale, and sometimes on mine. When I remember that I'm a vocational wreck I want to be Sarah and can imagine doing her job. At a party of strangers, never mind: no Sarah. The plus-one was another demonstration.

So I couldn't tweet that day, obviously. Too busy in the long mirror negging my mild Sarah-friendly dress and shoes and hair, working up the courage to piss Sarah off by putting on a slut show. I did this while preparing answers for Sarah's colleagues, who think it's only polite to ask someone like me, 'What do you do?'

'FBI.'

'FBI in training.'

'Influencer.'

'Like…nothing? I'm just rich.'

*Russian accent* 'I am model.'

(I did the Russian with Sarah in earshot once and she bombed in with 'Alice is an amazing writer,' which flattered me until I realized she just didn't want anyone to think she had a dunce loser friend.)

I remember thinking—maybe it was that day or the next, on the other side of the party—that the root trouble with us is we'd each scripted ourselves into a different buddy comedy. Mine was absurdist in not-good way: two women, neither of whom understand a word the other says, pretending they do so the other won't think she's off the up and up.

Sarah's, like most buddy comedies, had a moral. I'm the amusing flighty spontaneous looks-obsessed one, whose job is to teach my sober hard-working friend to take it easy, bae, have a drink, worry not about her boss's true opinion…because other minds or truth at all are never knowable. (In her movie I'm a philosopher, too.)

In return, Sarah schools me in the happiness that comes from hard work and adult restraint.

Of Sarah's four examples of my looks obsession, three were hookups, not boyfriends, but fine, there was truth to it. The untruthful part, which she must have recognized, was her pretense that our hook-up styles reflect deliberate choices only, not in any way different (however temporary) meat-market values. Sarah, as she'll tell you, is 'buttony' cute. But that's a risky play when you're five-foot-one with a firm thickness everywhere that, sorry, you do kind of deserve for listening to doctors and your Westchester mom, and exercising an hour each day like she does, while ignoring my advice to stop eating like her.

The party was not my worst. As a reward for dressing with cowardly 'taste,' I harvested a bushel of corporate male regard, including the older-male regard I sometimes crave because Daddy blah blah. Wise Sarah would have told me the good news: the harvest meant I could be choosy. I could go on a proper date with the most promising one. But I don't know: the dialectic of desire I inherited was busted, waiting for a spare part that never arrived. When most men at a party or on a scene don't pay court I become indignant and drive off the noble exceptions. Where I'm popular I become less choosy, likelier to run off somewhere to disinhibit with the room's most persistent Regarder. Sarah loves to replay the times my unchoosiness persisted even after the Regarder had showed his hand as a player, mild psycho, or (not defending it) married.

That night Sarah kept me under surveillance. If I wasn't willing to start with a proper date, I would need to submit any potential hookup to the Sarah Test: is this a dude I could remotely imagine dating sometime in the near future, when we were done with our sad business? The answers in this case were nooooooo. Also, the leading contestants were friends, which is gross, somehow. I was pretty sure I said no.

The next morning I woke hungover, confused by a strange bed, and thought, Uh oh. But it was too comfortable to be a man's. I found Sarah in her apartment's kitchen district, in sports spandex. She'd finished in her building's gym, or the micro gym she belonged to as well because it had the better whatever and her employer paid half. One of her little hands dawdled on the island's marble top, enjoying some downtime, while she thumb-scrolled her phone with the other. She made a gesture of 'finishing up' before the needling arrived.

'She wakes! She rises!'

Something like that. I'm not going to pretend I remember exact words in this scene. The point is that my habit of sleeping late fit with my caricature from her movie.

'I smell Venture Capital coffee,' I said.

She poured me a mug's worth, and it was fucken amazing until she ruined it with, 'Did we like the bed?'

'Your sheets are intense.'

'Pillow-wise?'

'I'm not just saying this. You run like the best boutique hotel.' Which was true.

'I'm putting the customer first,' she said.

'It's true.'

It was Sarah's turn to rejoin but she put on a transitional smile instead. 'Remember when you said that to me?'

Yeah, yeah. As I explained at the time, which was college, I was being self-deprecating, not condescending to her business aspirations. 'I could never be good at business' was set up. 'To me, the customer's always wrong.' Pow!

Her memory had done light renovations, updating the quip from a play on the classically servile 'customer's always right' to the equally servile but more Obama-era proactive, 'putting the customer first.' When I pointed out her mistake she said, 'I can't believe you remember that.'

Classic: suggesting I was obsessed with an ancient incident I never would have recalled if she hadn't two seconds ago brought it up.

A cease-fire held as we walked our coffees over to her living room district. We shared the instinct to grab winter sun from her wall of noise-cancelling glass. Even in communion, I thought, we were so different. Her she was caffeinated and high on exercise, her spandex with the sour damp smell of achievement. She took the sun, checking it off her daily list of things to do in January, for Vitamin D. I was dry-mouthed and skullachey in undies and a v-neck, scrounging sun for the same reason I overflirt. I need handfuls of anti-depressant.

We weren't done.

Sarah reminded me that (in college) I'd been defensive at first, accusing her of paranoia before retreating to like, 'I totally get how you'd hear it as condescending, but honestly…'

My college apology had expired. Was I aware that my old tone of condescension persisted? Toward her and, yes, others? She brought a lightly embellished example from the party I couldn't believe she'd overheard. It was with one of the Regarders and she was misunderstanding ironic banter. We'd had that conversation before, too. Anything I say in an old-movie-star voice, as a rule, I told her, is not serious. But no one hears anything. I re-apologized.

'I'm not saying be a different person inside,' Sarah said, in her wise-one conclusion-voice. 'It would be too weird if you weren't arrogant. Seriously, you'd be unrecognizable. [laugh laugh laugh] But you're getting too old to like, radiate arrogance.'

'While living in Queens, you mean.'

'I mean anywhere.'

'Arrogance is not a great look for a nobody is what you're saying.'

'No for anyone.'

Yeah, right.

Having lost my will to exist outside Sarah's judgments, I spent the rest of that Sunday with her and her parents. They showed up at her place exactly at noon, which led me to picture them inside their car in a parking garage, killing time listening to WNYC. Her mother, Jill, greeted me with began sincerely warm on its way to suspiciously long. Sniffing for alcohol? Infusing me with 'support.' Jill used to act testy and competitive toward me in sympathy with her daughter but since the post-college status-reversal I was a poor thing having a rough time and what a pity to throw such a promising life away, a fate pretty much sealed and we could stop discussing now that she's age almost-26. Sarah's kindly, invisible father came over with WNYC still in his ears like the perfume of another woman and told us to sit, sit, while his wife took over the kitchen, to poison us with bagels and cake.

'I will need an update,' Jill warned me, as if she had any intention of giving me time to prepare. 'What's the grad school story?'

'I'mmmm still deciding. Pretty sure I'll apply.'

'Great!' She pointed a cake knife at me. 'But do it this time. Really do it. Yeah?'

'That's always the idea, except—'

'Great.'

It was at a rent-the-back-room dinner she'd treated Sarah and ten of her friends to during our college-graduation week, that I'd told Jill my grad school plans. She'd said, 'Don't waste your time in the Ivory Tower. It's much ado about nothing.' Now I was a good fit.

When Jill wasn't looking, I yanked a strip of lox out from between the overfull bagel buttocks, and ate it like a piece of sashimi. I thought about stuffing the toxic bread product into my bag like after I stayed overnight at their Chappaqua place but decided it would be more fun to feed Jill's condescending concern by leaving them my carb refuse right there on the island. This way she could whisper to Sarah when I stepped into the bathroom, 'Is she eating? She doesn't look great,' and Sarah would tell me the next day, 'My mom asked if you were eating and I told her it was none of her business. But just between us, I hope you're eating.'

~Alice from Queens [source]

[acuppellarp]

We’re excited to announce that Leigh has decided to level up Jemma Sterling from a mumu minor character to a main character! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours. 

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Leigh, she/her Age: 25 Timezone: EST Ships: Jemma/The Entire World Anti-Ships: Nah

IC INFO

Full Name: Jemma Mae Sterling Face Claim: Dove Cameron Age/Birthday: 20 / June 11, 1997  Occupation: Student at NYU, Midfielder for April’s Showers Personality: Effervescent, self-centered, fickle, nosy, creative. Hometown: San Francisco, CA Bio:

Who is Jemma? What is Jemma? Why is Jemma?

Okay, so when you first meet Jemma, it’s pretty safe to say that she’s exactly what you’d expect out of a pint-sized blonde with a voice like Minnie Mouse– she’s adorable. If the conversation goes past five seconds, then she’s making some kind of sexual remark while you scratch your head like did that really just happen?

Yes, friends, yes it did.

Jemma can’t really tell you anything bad about her childhood in San Francisco. She grew up as the youngest child to two perfectly normal parents, Andrew and Megan, with a sister and a pet iguana. Sounds boring enough, right? It gets better. While unaware of the other’s indiscretion, Jemma’s parents each began having their own sort of affair on the side… Megan with a woman named Willow, and Andrew with a man named Louis. Sure enough, after coming around to various backyard barbecues and Jemma’s tap dancing recitals, well, Willow and Louis… suddenly began taking an interest in each other. Too much of an interest in each other, you might say.

That’s the story of how Jemma ended up with four parents. From the time that she was eight years old, all she could really remember was that Megan and Andrew lived together, but… Willow and Louis came over and hung out a lot. Growing up in a very unusual nuclear family unit brought along its fair share of drama: the step-siblings, the confusing holidays (Jemma insists she’s Jewish, like Megan, even if Willow doesn’t believe in religion and would rather pray to a candle with Bette White on it), but things rapidly took a turn for the better when Louis showed Jemma how to draw. She’d always been attracted to pretty things– bubbles, rainbow cakes, a babbling brook, but she’d never been able to take the things in her head and transfer them onto paper until she felt the pull of Louis’s hand on her pencil. Jemma started out drawing landscapes but quickly worked her way into cartoons and comics. This was how she bonded with Louis, who was a freelance artist, and then Willow, who was a television producer. Jemma showed a tremendous interest, from re-painting Pokemon cards to drawing her own comic books, where, of course, Jemma was the star.

As a child, Jemma honestly wanted for nothing. She was able to pull her strings to command, and often, demand attention. Jemma was accustomed to being the life of the party, the baby doll, the cute one. Shower her in pink and glitter, sure, but she could rattle off superhero trivia with the best of them. Things started to take a turn for the worse, though, when Willow began to tire of the charade and wanted to make things more official. On paper, Megan and Andrew were married (mostly for the tax break at that point) but she was still single, and she hated that she couldn’t adopt Jemma and her siblings as her own. She, with no biological children of her own, eventually left the family. Jemma still keeps in contact with her every once in a while, and she has no abandonment issues as a result of it. Jemma quickly soured to her after that, though– their family was perfect, and there was plenty of love to go around. Why did she want to change that?

As forward-thinking as San Francisco was, Jemma’s always had a bit of a problem with loyalty and fidelity. Is she the person you can call at three in the morning when you’re in trouble? No, definitely not. But is she game for a good time always? Basically, yes. Jemma asked three different people to her high school prom (a fact her dates didn’t find out until they all got to the limo) and wondered why they all ended up mad at her in the end. It’s not like she hadn’t done a totally epic promposal for them, too?

Jemma’s decision to trek it over to New York City largely came from the fact that she wanted to experience life on the opposite coast. How often could someone say that they were both a SoCal and a NYC baby? Plus, NYU basically gave her the most money in scholarships, so she decided to go through their art therapy program. Jemma is all about self-expression, self-love and healing, so the idea of using art to help others is really what she’s after in life. She has no interest in working with children, but rather would want to work with adults and the elderly.

Pets: Taking care of Jemma is like having a pet. Would you trust her with a critter? Good, you shouldn’t. Relationships:

Nicola de Rocha/Peyton Lynn: Roomies. Jemma is kind of co-dependent on Nicola, who was her first friend when she came to the city. Jemma dotes on her and would consider her a best friend. Peyton is hot as eff, which is all Jemma really needs to know.

Spencer Porter: Jemma and Spencer have a podcast together called 2 Girls 1 Mic. They talk about Marvel, lesbian sex, and Marvel ladies having sex. Jemma is very quick to tell Spencer how hot she is, and since Jemma is close with Nicola, too, they get along very well. Even if Spencer won’t sleep with her. Which it’s only a matter of time. Because she’s Jemma.

Aria Abrams: Oh, Aria. Jemma doesn’t know what to do with Aria, which is saying something. She’s sweet, she’s cute, she can talk comics with the best of them, and Jemma is starting to act very un-Jemma-like around her. Probably because Aria has cooties, or something.

April’s Showers: Jemma loves her teammates. She’d say they’re like sisters to her, but she definitely stares at all of them in the locker room (which, by the way, she never wears clothes in). Jemma’s a new recruit to April’s Showers, and she’s got all the credentials as co-captain of her high school team, thank you very much. Plus, she likes the way her butt looks in the shorts, and so should everyone else.

EXTRA INFO

jemma bo bemma/@itsjemmabitch/i take hot showers to practice burning in the fires of hell :)

Five latest tweets:

@itsjemmabitch: @josswhedon @avengersageofultronmovie welcome to ur tape #justiceforwandamaximoff @itsjemmabitch: ok so after being on the april showers and spending all my time with teachers, the only good thing i can say about being a teacher is that you can blame your farts on other people @itsjemmabitch: i’m queenie goldstein also where the fuck is leta lestrange my future queen #jewwitchpower @itsjemmabitch: the only interest i have in men is when 1) they’re chris evans 2) women are kicking their asses 3) they’re wearing spandex @itsjemmabitch: looks like a cinnamon roll, acts like a cinnamon roll, will eat u out like ur a cinnamon roll…..

[hudsonespie]

30 Best Gifts For Boaters And Sailors

The holiday season is upon us again, and it’s that time of the year to hunt for gifts. If you know a boater or sailor and are searching for special mementoes to give them, look no further. In this article, we will be looking at the top 30 gifts to give that special sailor in your life.

We cover the best in technology, apparel, functional tools, and equipment in this guide. One point to note, it’s probably best to ask them what they would like. The field of maritime equipment is extensive, and they may already own some items. So, it’s a good idea checking with them about what would be a welcome addition to their boats.

1. Sailing Gloves

Constantly handling ropes and battling the sea on a boat can take its toll on a sailor’s hands. The best way to combat this- sailing gloves. Warm, waterproofed, and protective, they are ideal for long voyages where you know the conditions can be tough. Get your favourite sailor a handy pair of gloves as a gift, so that they stay dry and safe, even during the poorest of weathers. There are some versions with added flexibility, but usually come without the full range of protection, so watch out for these.

Sale

FitsT4 Unisex 3/4 Finger Surfing Gloves for Water Ski, Canoeing, Windsurfing, Kiteboarding, Sailing, Jet Skiing and Stand-UP Paddle Boarding Adjustable Wrist Cinch, Comfortable Fit

Excellent Protection: The 3/4 finger gloves featuring vented and padded premium synthetic leather palms. Helps protect your hands from abrasion meanwhile ensuring a secure grip no matter wet or dry.

Designed for Comfort: Soft high stretch spandex back for snug fit, not too tight. Extremely comfortable fit that does not promote hand fatigue. You’ll enjoy superior comfort and enhanced performance.

Allows Full Dexterity: These canoeing gloves design with 3/4 fingers, leaves your fingers free for high-dexterity tasks. While the exposed fingers make it easy to move and pick up equipment.

Super Quality Wrist Support: Paired with adjustable hook and loop wrist fastener for a secure and dependable fit, easy to take on and off. Lightweight and quick drying, great for hot weather use.

Multisport Gloves: Design for all water sports, dries fast. Great for canoeing, windsurfing, water skiing, jet ski, paddling, kitesurfing, wakeboarding, SUP and other action sports. Unisex sizing for men, women or youth.

$15.99

Buy on Amazon

2. Sailing Boots 

Bringing ordinary shoes with you on a trip can be a bad idea, especially due to the constantly wet conditions. Squelching and uncomfortable, they can reduce the trip to a difficult journey. That’s why getting a solid pair of sailing boots is the ideal gift. They are waterproofed and super comfortable, so rest assured they will see you in good stead.

RUGGED SHARK Men's Great White Fishing Deck Boots, Waterproof, Comfortable No-Slip Sole, Navy Blue, Men's Size 13

SLIP RESISTANT: These men's fishing boots have our proprietary Shark Grip Slip-Resistant Non-marking Rubber Sole, which is designed to keep a good grip on slippery decks, and the non-marking rubber sole won't leave any scuffs.

GUARANTEED WATERPROOF: Our shoes are designed to keep your feet dry, no matter what--if you spring a leak, we'll replace your boots for free!

COMFORT FOOTBED: These men's fishing boots from Rugged Shark feature a removable Cushioned Water Friendly Interior Footbed, so your feet can stay comfortable and supported all day long.

BUILT FOR FLEX: Rubber Construction for Flexible Wear keeps your feet shielded from water no matter where you are, and the heels on these men's fishing boots allow you to climb ladders safely.

SIZING INFORMATION: These Rugged Shark boots are calf-height, with a Men's Size 9 measuring 10.75 inches tall (27.31 cm). Our boots come in Men's Shoe Size 9, Men's Shoe Size 10, Men's Shoe Size 11, Men's Shoe Size 12, and Men's Shoe Size 13. We recommend going a size up for a more comfortable fit if you're unsure which size to choose.

$79.99

Buy on Amazon

3. Waterproof Socks

In the freezing conditions routinely encountered while at sea, it is common to see toes going blue with hypothermia. Every sailor in that situation wishes for a thick pair of waterproof socks to keep them snug. Give your favourite boater these pairs of socks that you know for sure will keep their feet warm at all times. Available in different sizes, there are several choices to make for wherever they may travel to.

The Wudhu Socks 365-100% Shari'ah-Compliant Waterproof Socks for Ablution (Wudu) & All-Year Comfort (Medium) [Unisex]

☂ 100% Waterproof & Breathable - The Wudhu Socks are designed to suit every season, allowing you to use them for prolonged periods of time with no discomfort. The Wudhu Socks are breathable, moisture-wicking, anti-odor, and extremely durable, making them the perfect companions for performing ablution (wudu) with ease &your outdoor needs, like hiking, trekking, mountaineering, skiing, snow shoveling, cycling, fishing, sight-seeing, gardening, and everything else you love doing!

✔ Extremely Durable - We walked three miles in The Wudhu Socks without shoes and they were as good as new, Alhamdulillah! That means they will faithfully get you through all those highs and lows.

✔ Thermal Regulation - Unlike other waterproof socks and the traditional leather socks (khuff), The Wudhu Socks have an inner layer of bamboo fiber which is not only extremely comfortable but also has thermal-regulatory properties which makes them suitable for every season and every occasion. Bamboo fiber is also an eco-friendly alternative to cotton and other fabrics used in clothing.

✔ 100% Shari'ah-Compliant - With official Islamic rulings (fatwa) from renowned Islamic institutions, The Wudhu Socks fulfill all the requirements for masah during ablution (wudhu, wuzu, wudu).

✔ Fit The Wudhu Socks in Your Shoes with Ease - Designed and perfected for the needs of Muslims and outdoor adventurers everywhere, your Wudhu Socks-clad feet will fit snugly in any pair of shoes. The perfect companions for your delicate feet The Wudhu Socks are an investment in your spiritual and physical life. Size Guide: Small US 4 - 9 EUR 35 - 40 Medium US 9.5 - 11 EUR 41 - 44 Large US 11.5 - 13 EUR 45 - 46

$24.99

Buy on Amazon

4. Sunglasses

Sailing at sea is prone to give boaters serious eye troubles. With the constantly glistening sun on the seas, it makes it tough to navigate properly. Gift the sailor you know with this luxurious pair of sunglasses, that’s meant to keep the Sun and all its harmful rays at bay. Easy to pocket when not in use, it’s a classic look that never fades away. Added to that, anyone wearing these sunglasses while at sea or on the docks does cut a dashing figure!

WindRider Polarized Floating Sunglasses for Fishing 100% UV Protection

NEVER LOSE A PAIR TO THE SEA AGAIN - These babies float, so you no longer have to worry about losing a pair to the drink again. You can also forget about having to put ugly floating sunglasses straps on your cool shades.

POLARIZED LENSES - REDUCED GLARE - If you spend any time on the water you know you need polarized lenses. Whether you are fly fishing and need to spot the fish below the surface, sailing and watching for those slight ripples of a light gust or just wanting to enjoy not being blind, polarized lenses are a necessity.

LIGHTWEIGHT and COMFORTABLE - These are the sunglasses that you are going to put on your head and then think you lost them and look around for them only to find they have been on your head the whole time. They are super lightweight and super comfortable so you can wear them all day long without issue.

WATER and OIL REPELLENT LENSES - When you are out on the water, you get splashed, with the hydrophobic coating on these lenses, the water beads and runs right off. No more having to wipe your glasses so you can see. The lens also repel oil, so you don't have to worry about finger print smudges as much either.

LIFETIME WARRANTY - We believe in standing behind our products. If you ever break or damage your sunglasses simply send them back to us and we will either repair or replace them. No Questions Asked. (Well we may ask a question like, how did you manage to break these into 1000 pieces? But we will still send you a replacement pair. We may just want to hear the epic story)

$34.95

Buy on Amazon

5. Marine Binoculars

One of the handiest pieces of equipment that sailors often bring with them on long voyages is the binoculars. They are light, portable, and great for picking out objects in the distance. They are of different focusing ranges and vary in cost, so be sure to have an eye on your budget while choosing one. This is an ideal gift for a sailor who spends extended periods out at sea.

Hooway 7x50 Waterproof Fogproof Military Marine Binoculars w/Internal Rangefinder & Compass for Navigation,Boating,Fishing,Water Sports,Hunting and More

PERFECT FOR MARINE - Marine binoculars with 7x magnification and 50mm objective lens;22 mm eye relief,6.8mm exit pupil,and field of view is 396 feet at 1000 yards / 132 meters at 1000 meters.

ADAPT TO EXTREME ENVIRONMENT - Completly waterproof and float in water.Nitrogen-purged fog proofed Stable,comfortable to hold and highly durable.

BRIGHT AND CLEAR - Porro prism system for a wide field of view.Premium BAK4 prism and Fully multi-coated optics produce bright,crisp images.

COMPASS & RANGEFINDER - Illuminated Compass built-in for direction location,with an internal rangefinder for determining distance and size of objects.

MILITARY STANDARS - Non-slip rubber armor absorbs shock & provides a firm grip.Tripod adapter fitting for tripod mounting for increased stability.

$125.99

Buy on Amazon

6. Sailor’s Knife

A sailor is always surrounded by 2 things- the wide ocean, and ropes. Any boater will have to deal with different types of ropes on a daily basis and must be an expert in cutting them when required. For this, we recommend the sailor’s heavy-duty knife. From cables to mooring, it will easily cut through even the toughest of ropes. Do remember to include a sharpener as a gift, because the constant wear and tear can dull the blade. It works perfectly for cutting open other common items as well.

Boye Folding Knife with Marlinspike Multitool, Innovative Rust Free EDC Pocket Knife for Boating, Camping, Adventure Travel, Horses, Outdoor Sports, Tactical, Survival

PHENOMENAL CUTTING POWER. Advanced Dendritic Cobalt blades stay sharp and cut clean through hundreds of cuts of tough material, including Endura Braid and Dyneema - and still keep cutting. Outcuts every other knife up to 100X or more.

RUST PROOF. Boye Knives will not rust in salt water, ever. NON-MAGNETIC. Boye knives will not pick up a magnetic charge, period. Zero interference around a compass and sensitive electronics. A dependable knife for sailing, camping, boating and more.

COMFORTABLE IN THE HAND. Slim and lightweight, 2.5 oz. The handle curves fit naturally in the hand. Open and close smoothly with either hand. The twopoint titanium clip holds firmly to pocket, belt, or strap. Textured handle is easy to grip when wet.

MARLINSPIKE / MULTITOOL. The titanium marlinspike swivels open with finger pressure to a stop pin. The unique flat sided design enables the spike to twist open knots without slipping. It pries, digs, and everything else that the blade should not do.

DESIGNED BY A MASTER KNIFEMAKER: David Boye has been crafting knives since 1971. His experience has gone into this multi-featured design. Boye authored Step by Step Knifemaking, which helped launch modern knife making as a craft or a business.

$219.00

Buy on Amazon

7. Waterproof Bag

Keeping things dry on a boat can be a Herculean task, especially for those seeking adventure. That’s why getting a waterproofed bag is the best gift for a sailor. From personal belongings to small equipment, everything stays dry and in perfect working condition. They range over various sizes, and can have different attachments, so be sure to check those out too. And when not in use, they are compact and can be easily stowed away.

Earth Pak -Waterproof Dry Bag - Roll Top Dry Compression Sack Keeps Gear Dry for Kayaking, Beach, Rafting, Boating, Hiking, Camping and Fishing with Waterproof Phone Case

RELIABLE PROTECTION: We believe our earth pak dry bags are the best out there--bar none. These dry bags are meant to last for years and provide waterproof protection for even the most rugged users.

SHOULDER STRAP: 10L & 20L dry bags come with a 24-42 Inch single shoulder strap. 30L, 40L, and 55L waterproof backpacks are equipped with backpack style shoulder straps that also come with a sternum strap for added stability. Our new 55L also comes equipped with a heavy duty waist-belt, which relieves added pressure and helps support your load.

IPX8 CERTIFIED WATERPROOF PHONE CASE: We have included our IPX8 Certified 6.5 Inch waterproof phone case that will fit even the largest of phones. This case features a very simple snap and lock access that has dual-sided clear windows that allow to take pictures while still inside the case. Suitable for phones up to 6.5 Inches of diagonal screen size.

IDEAL FOR TRAVEL: Our water bag is very lightweight and compact making it an essential dry bag for all your travel plans. Easy to fold and pack tight in any sized luggage!

KEEP YOUR ITEMS DRY AND PROTECTED: Protect Your Valuables with our 10L, 20L, 30L, 40L, or 55L Dry Bags! Just toss your gear inside your water bag, roll it down, and you’re good to go on your next adventure.

$19.99

Buy on Amazon

8. Nautical Keychains

Confused what to gift a boater? Wondering what would make the perfect gift, but confused as to what he would enjoy? We’ve come to your rescue, with an all time classic! Keychains meant for the open seas! With this gift, be sure to impress your favorite sailor with your thoughtfulness. Boaters are known to own multiple sets of keys- from the cabin and machinery, to ordinary cupboard keys. Help them organize with these nautical theme keychains.

Ruth&Boaz Anchor 316L Stainless Steel Strong Key Holder Key Ring Key Chain (A)

Material : 316L Stainless Steel

Length (End to End): Approx. 3.1" (80 mm)

Weight : Approx. 1.3 oz (36 grams)

Hand Polished

Never Stain, Corrode, Rust, Oxidize or Turn Black !! Needn`t Maintenance !

$15.90

Buy on Amazon

9. Knot Tying Reference Guide

Knot tying is an essential seaman’s skill that is vital at sea, especially when dealing with anchors. Give your loved one the gift of knowledge, with this detailed reference kit, that is sure to keep them hooked for days. With some of the most common knots that will see them through the toughest of weather conditions, it is sure to be the perfect gift for a boater. Just make sure not to keep any loose rope around!

The Ultimate Guide to Nautical Knots

Skyhorse Publishing (Author)

English (Publication Language)

64 Pages - 05/05/2020 (Publication Date) - Skyhorse (Publisher)

$7.99

Buy on Amazon

10. Hammock

There’s nothing more picturesque than lying on a boat, surrounded by the ocean, in a hammock. And that special boater in your life will thank you for gifting them with an easy the perfect hammock. It can be folded up and stowed away easily, and comes with added attachments. Now, they can spend their nights away from home right under the stars.

Sale

Hammock Bliss Double - Extra Large Portable Hammock - Ideal for Camping, Backpacking, Kayaking and Travel - Suspension System Included

EXTRA WIDE - EXTRA COMFORTABLE - Larger than a double size bed - Lay in any direction with room to spare - Conforms To Your Body With No Pressure Points Or Rope Marks - Experience Blissful Relaxation Anywhere

TRIPLE STITCHED NYLON PARACHUTE MATERIAL - Super Strong, Soft Breathable, & Quick Drying

SUSPENSION SYSTEM INCLUDED - Super Tough - 100% Nylon 6mm Climbing Rope - 100" / 250 cm Per Side Included For Easy Set Up On The Go

COMPACT & LIGHTWEIGHT - Ready For Adventure - Travel Bag Is Permanently Attached & Doubles As A Handy Gear Pouch

TECH SPECS - Dimensions 80" x 118" (300 cm x 200 cm) - Strength Tested - 350 lbs / 160 Kg - Machine Washable and Dryable - Weighs Only 22 oz / 620 grams

$39.95

Buy on Amazon

11. Thermos Flask

Fuel and electricity are precious resources onboard a boat, and boaters cannot really afford to repeatedly reheat their beverages. That’s where a handy portable flask comes into play. Just pour their favorite drink into it, and it stays at the best temperature for everyone to enjoy.

Sale

Stanley Classic Vacuum Bottle 1.1QT Hammertone Green

KEEP IT HOT OR COLD: Our Stanley Classic Vacuum Bottle is made with superior insulation that keeps liquids (soup, coffee, tea) hot or cold drinks cool for up to 24 hours It’s also made with BPA-free materials, keeping its contents safe to consume

TOUGH AND DURABLE: The rust-proof 18/8 stainless steel construction on this insulated thermos means it can work just as hard as you do without impacting its performance This is an ideal bottle to throw into your truck, work bag or travel with it

MULTI-PURPOSE LID: The Stanley thermos is designed with a leak-resistant lid, so you can put it in your backpack without worrying about any spills The wide mouth of the thermos helps with easy pouring into the lid that doubles as an eight-ounce cup

FILL IT FOR THE DAY: Our vacuum bottle comes in multiple sizes – 1 1qt, 1 5qt, and 2qt so you can fill it up with water once and be set for however long you need it The collapsible handle makes it easy to transport with you

LIFETIME WARRANTY: ‘BUILT FOR LIFE’ Since 1913 we’ve promised to provide rugged, capable gear for food and drink, built to last a lifetime It’s a promise we still keep Stanley products purchased from Stanley Resellers come with a lifetime warranty

$19.82

Buy on Amazon

12. Cooler Ice Chest

Small boats may not have the luxury of chilled storage space. But this doesn’t mean sailors can’t enjoy their favorite cold drink after a day’s work. By gifting them with a portable and compact ice chest, they will still be able to enjoy their favorite drinks. There are different available sizes, so be sure to pick one that best fits their boat. The internal reflection coating keeps beverages and other items at the ideal temperature, so that they can be relished.

Sale

Igloo 120 Quart Polar Extra Large Insulated Portable Ice Chest Beverage Cooler, White,

Ultratherm insulated body and lid keep ice for 5 days at 90 degrees Fahrenheit

Reinforced swing-up handles with tie-down loop feature

Dual snap-fit latches secure lid closure

Threaded drain plug for hose hook up and easy draining

188-can capacity, Exterior Dimensions 38.31" L x 17.38" W x 17.75" D. Top - 34.69 x 14.88 x 13.25 inches. Bottom - 33 x 13.25 x 13.25 inches

$69.99

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13. Self-Drying Shoes

Everyone hates having wet shoes. They squelch, can leave you with sore feet, and is the first step to contracting infections. This problem is compounded further for boaters and sailors who have to spend extended periods of time in the water. That’s why getting them these quick drying shoes can be a blessing. With advanced designs that rapidly drain away any stagnant water, it is guaranteed to your keep feet dry. They can be stowed away easily and are available in both lacing and Velcro versions.

Sale

DOUSSPRT Men's Water Shoes Quick Drying Sports Aqua Shoes

1.Fabric

2.Breathable and durable air mesh upper allow the foot to breathe.

3.Open mesh on the upper and hole on the sole provides for superior breathability and quick drying.

4.OCCASION - beach, swimming, pool, wake-boarding, sailing, boating, kayaking, windsurfing, cycling, jogging, walking, fishing, beach volleyball, gardening, lawn, car-washing and driving. Family outings!

5.Feel free to contact us if any questions before ordering and after-sale issues!

$22.09

Buy on Amazon

14. Swiss Army Knife

Often when sailing, a boater may find himself short of a fork, or a spoon, or one of many other small tools. And carrying them individually can be cumbersome and consume a lot of space. The Swiss Army Knife is the perfect way around this. Equipped with different gadgets that fit snugly inside your pocket, it is handy to have around. From eating utensils, to a knife, and other miniature tools, this will be an excellent gift for adventurous boaters. There are different varieties to choose from, along with the various combinations of tools. To cut through thick cables and ropes, we recommend the heavy-duty and sturdier version of this knife, on gift #6.

Sale

Victorinox Swiss Army Classic SD Pocket Knife, Red

A CUT ABOVE THE REST: Compact, agile and ready to face any adventure head-on. Our range of Swiss Army Knives have been established since 1897 and continue to be an icon of utility and smart design.

DURABLE CONSTRUCTION: Swiss made stainless steel construction encased in our popular scales offers a slimmer profile and is extremely resistant.

COMPACT CARRY: Bring this knife with you on your daily adventures without sacrificing space. It makes a great gift for any occasion or stocking stuffer for Christmas.

FIT FOR ALL TASKS: At their heart, all our pocket knives are a survival tool; multitaskers that deliver in any situation. At their most evolved they have surpassed basic function to pioneer space travel and restart engines.

TRUSTED QUALITY: Made in Switzerland; Victorinox provides a lifetime guarantee against defects in material and workmanship. Making a lifetime commitment has never been so easy. No assembly required, money back guarantee.

$16.55

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15. Travelling Coffee Press

There’s nothing like a mug of steaming coffee to help you kick start your day. And this luxury should extend to even when you’re away from home, sailing on your boat. This travelling coffee press is guaranteed to get you out of bed in the morning. Portable and easy to use, now you can have your favorite blends even while far away from home. All it takes is a charging port and some water, and Hey presto! your coffee is ready.

ESPRO P1 Double Walled Stainless Steel Vacuum Insulated Travel Coffee French Press, 12 Ounce, Chalk White

YOUR COFFEE, WITHOUT LIMITS- Become a savvy coffee traveler with the ESPRO travel press and no-leak mug; Brew and sip cafe-worthy coffee anywhere

GRIT / SLUDGE FREE - Unlike other travel coffee presses, the patented double micro-filter keeps your cup extraordinarily free of grit and sludge; Leave no sip behind

NO MORE BITTERNESS - Pressing the filter stops extraction completely, so your coffee doesn’t get bitter over time; The last drop tastes just like the first

HOT FOR HOURS - Insulated double-walled stainless steel keeps your brew hot for hours and will never break; Enjoy your coffee at your own pace

FRIENDS FOR LIFE - Built durably to brew for life; Designed to be your forever travel french press

$39.95

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16. Engraved Compass

This engraved compass is the ideal gift for the adventurous sailor you know, who is ready to face anything he encounters at sea. With intriguing engravings on the case, it certainly gives off the cool nautical vibes, and is sure to be a huge hit with all adventure-loving boaters. When at sea, it acts as a navigational aid. While at home, it is an excellent piece to have on your wall, and a great conversation piece.

NEOVIVID Thoreau's Go Confidently Quote Engraved Compass with Stamped Leather case, Camping Compass, Boating Compass, Gift Compass, Graduation Day Gifts

Solid Brass Compass Antiquated Brass Finish With Thoreau's Quote "GO CONFIDENTLY IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR DREAMS LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE IMAGINED".

Under the glass cover is a beautiful, detailed copper compass.

The Thoreau's passage is engraved in under the top cover of the compass..Size-Compass: 50mmX18mm, Leather Case:3.5x3.5x0.8 inches.

A truly impressive and unique gift for your loved one and for various occasions. Father's day gifts, Christmas gifts

A free brass keyring is sent along as a gift. Custom design/finish compass can order direct to NeoVivid

$38.90

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17. Waterproof Watch

Time is an important measure for a sailor, especially as you travel across various time zones and regions. Keeping up can be quite the challenge. We’ve got you covered though, with a waterproof watch. For sailors and casual boaters alike, it’s sure to be a great hit. Not only is it a very stylish piece, the best part is that it is waterproof! That means less worrying about the perils of the seas and their harmful effects on your timepiece. It can remain submerged up to high depths, ensuring that even after a swim, it’s still in perfect working condition.

TEKMAGIC 10 ATM Digital Submersible Diving Watch 100m Water Resistant Swimming Sport Wristwatch Luminous LCD Screen with Stopwatch Alarm Function

【10ATM Water Resistant】 The reliable sealing system of the digital watch offers effective protection against water, dust and external influences. With 10 ATM water resistant, the watch can be worn when swimming, snorkeling, scuba diving and other sports activities which your watch might get wet.

【Precise Time Display】This water resistant watch with digital movement provides precise and accurate time display. Large dial is easy to read time and has an led backlights for low light situations.

【Multiple Functions】 This stylish digital watch is built for waterproof but it also has other features, such as: alarm, chronograph, countdown timer, dual time setting, hourly chime make it perfect for all kinds of sports activities and daily use.

【Comfortable to Wear】 The sports dive watch is light and comfortable, adjustable watch band to any size length you want to fit your wrist. Sturdy and soft rubber material guarantee the durability of the diving digital watch.

【More than 2 Years Operating Battery Life Time】 This watch could work for more than 2 years with the CR2025 battery built in. Say goodbye to daily charging.

$25.99

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18. Waterproof Camera

The sights of Earth’s oceans are awe inspiring, and these moments must be captured to share with friends and family. The best gift for boaters who love travelling to new locations is a waterproof camera. With the full range of functionality and added protection against damage, it is sure to be a handy way to keep track of journeys and special memories. The camera can also be paired with a stand and adjustable lenses, so be sure to check those out as well.

Sale

Olympus Tough TG-6 Waterproof Camera, Red

Waterproof (50 feet /15 meter), dust proof, shockproof (7 feet / 2.1 meter), crush proof (100kgf), freeze proof (14 degree Fahrenheit / -10 degree Celsius ), anti fog

High resolution F2.0 lens, maximum 8x zoom, true pic VIII, back illuminated CMOS image sensor

Variable macro system comprised of 4 macro shooting modes, magnified shooting up to 1 centimeter from the end of the lens

5 underwater shooting modes including underwater microscope, 3 underwater white balance modes

4K movie and full HD 120 fps high speed movies can be recorded. Battery life - Approx. 340 Images (using Toshiba SDHC UHS-I Card Exceria with IS ON, based on CIPA test standards). Approx. 50 minutes (under standard JEITA testing). Approx. 110 minutes (when zoom and other operational functions are not used). When repeatedly recording at the maximum time of 29 minutes

$349.00

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19. Waterproof Portable Speaker

What better than hearing music while at sea? But sailors are often afraid of spoiling speakers by getting them accidentally soaked. Things are bound to get a bit wet while sailing, but these waterproof speakers ensure that your special boater doesn’t have to forgo their favorite music. Now, they can listen to the groovy hits on their playlist while also enjoying the calm serenity of the sea! Available in different sizes, they range from smaller versions that can fit in a backpack, to a full-size stereo that’s guaranteed to keep the party alive even while away at sea.

Ultimate Ears MEGABOOM 3 Portable Waterproof Bluetooth Speaker - Amazon Exclusive Dusk

Sound - Megaboom features powerfully loud, clear, and immersive 360° sound with Deep thundering bass you can feel. All carefully balanced so you can hear every note.

All-New Magic Button - Play, Pause, Skip and control any streaming music directly on the Bluetooth speaker with one touch of a button .Maximum Sound Level: 90dBC

Fabric - Megaboom 3 is covered in a two-tone fabric that’s tough and beautiful. Engineered for extreme performance and colored two ways, it comes to life in a range of drool-worthy Iridescent themes.

POWER UP - Charge MEGABOOM 3 wirelessly with POWER UP charging dock–sold separately–so you can grab-and-go, fully charged, to your next musical adventure.

Waterproof - Megaboom 3 is designed to get seriously wet and keep on booming. Featuring a ridiculous IP67 water and Dustproof rating, It can be totally submerged in water for up to 30-minutes. Plus, it floats too.

$199.99

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20. Waterproof Phone Cover

This waterproof phone case is a sailor’s dream come true! It not only protects against wetness and humidity, but also allows the full range of usage and functionality of the phone without worrying about factors like sea spray, accidentally being dropped, and pretty much anything expected during a rough voyage. Available in a variety of colors and with cool sticker options, it will make a great gift for the special sailor in your life.

OTBBA iPhone 7 Plus/8 Plus Waterproof Case, Underwater Snowproof Dirtproof Shockproof with Touch ID Full Sealed Cover Waterproof Case for iPhone 7 Plus/8 Plus-5.5in (Black)

【Waterproof】: IP68 standard waterproof, submersible to over 6.5 ft deep for 2 hours. Perfect protection for underwater/swimming/diving and daily use.

【Compatibility】: Customized for iPhone 7 plus /8 plus. Precise design of each button and port based on iPhone 7 plus / 8 plus outline. All buttons and controls work perfectly such as mute, power, volume button, touch id.

【Multi- Protection】: Withstands drops from 6.5 ft high, full sealed protect your phone from shock and drop and heavy dust and dirty.

【High Quality】: Top-level TPU as manufacture material, solid and durable, protect your iphone 7 plus /8 plus from scratches.

【Transparent and Clear】: Built-in screen protector protects from scratches without compromising sensitivity or clarity. Ultra crystal clear front screen protector enables you to high-quality, high-definition photos and videos.

$22.99

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21. Portable Mini Movie Projector

Spending time away from family can be hard for sailors, and the long hours can make it tiring. But by gifting them with a handy mini movie projector, you give them a way to keep busy and enjoy. As it is portable, it can be taken on any voyage, and just requires a power connection to keep it up and running. Thanks to the waterproofing, sailors can now play their favorite movies without fear of the equipment getting wet or damaged.

VANKYO LEISURE 3 Mini Projector, 1080P and 170'' Display Supported, Portable Movie Projector with 40,000 Hrs LED Lamp Life, Compatible with TV Stick, PS4, HDMI, VGA, TF, AV and USB

SUPERIOR VIEWING EXPERIENCE: Supporting 1920x1080 resolution, VANKYO Leisure 3 projector is powered by MStar Advanced Color Engine, which is ideal for home entertainment. 2020 upgraded LED lighting provides a superior viewing experience for you. (Not recommend for PowerPoint or other office presentation)

MULTIMEDIA PORTABLE PROJECTOR: VANKYO Leisure 3 projector is perfect for video viewing, TV series watching as well as photo browsing. It can be easily connected to your smartphone, PS3, PS4, X-Box ONE or Wii to enjoy diversified games. A customized bag is designed for easy carry and convenient storage.

BIG SCREEN SIZE: It provides a watching size from 32” to 170” with the projection distance between 4.9ft to 16.4ft. 6.5 ft is the recommended viewing distance and it’s straightforward to achieve a clear and regular image by the focus and keystone correction adjusting.

FAN NOISE SUPPRESSION SYSTEM: VANKYO projectors are equipped with an innovative cooling system which contains heat dispersion and noise suppression technology that halves the fan sound. (Power input : 100V-240V 50/60Hz)

SMARTPHONE CONNECTION AVAILABLE: Without installing any app, you can easily realize the smart-phone connection. An extra Lightning to HDMI adapter is needed for iPhone connection while Micro USB/Type C to HDMI adapter is needed for Android phone connection.(Adapter is sold separately)

$99.99

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22. eBook Reader / Kindle

Books are an excellent way to relax while at sea. But there’s a very high chance that they may accidentally get wet or damaged. Since you can’t waterproof books, why not gift a Kindle with a waterproof cover! It is lightweight, easy to carry around, and can store a lot more books than you can carry with you. Which is why it makes the perfect companion when a sailor wants to sit in a corner and read their favorite book. With Kindle’s newer versions, you can read amazing titles from around the world, in dozens of languages, and without any extra onboard weight.

Kindle Paperwhite – Now Waterproof with 2x the Storage – Ad-Supported

Now available in Black, Twilight Blue, Plum, or Sage

The thinnest, lightest Kindle Paperwhite yet—with a flush-front design and 300 ppi glare-free display that reads like real paper even in bright sunlight.

Now waterproof, so you’re free to read and relax at the beach, by the pool, or in the bath.

Enjoy twice the storage with 8 GB. Or choose 32 GB to hold more magazines, comics, and audiobooks.

Now with Audible. Pair with Bluetooth headphones or speakers to listen to your story.

$129.99

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23. GPS Fish Finder

One of the most amazing sights while at sea is schools of fish skimming through the water. But, it’s a once in a lifetime experience that many sailors never get to see. That’s why you should gift this Fish Finder, with a highly sensitive GPS mechanism to trace even the smallest of marine life. You can set it up on the deck or integrate it with your existing GPS. High precision and real-time updates make it an essential piece of gear for any enthusiastic boater.

Sale

Garmin 010-01550-00 Striker 4 with Transducer, 3.5" GPS Fishfinder with Chirp Traditional Transducer

Clear Vu scanning Sonar shows you more of what is in the water around your boat; This high frequency sonar gives near photographic images with detailed representations of objects, structure and fish

The power of simple offers a keyed interface with dedicated buttons; The device is easy to use and easy to install; Available in 3.5, 5 and 7 inch display sizes; Water rating IPX7

Waypoint map: Use the way point map to easily view, mark and navigate to locations such as brush piles, stumps and docks; Maximum depth 1,600 feet freshwater, 750 feet saltwater; Current draw at 12 volt: 0.23 Ampere

Chirp Sonar sends a continuous sweep of frequencies which provides a wider range of information; Chirp Sonar is able to create crisper fish arches with better target separation

Built in flasher: View your sonar data in the classic flasher format; Ideal for ice fishing or vertical jigging. Display size: 1.9 x 2.9 inches (4.9 x 7.3 centimeter); 3.5 inches diagonal (8.7 centimeter)

$106.99

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24. Marine Waterproof Navigational GPS

Getting lost on road can be tough, but there are people and road signs to put you back on track. What do you do if you get lost on the high seas? Fear not for your loved ones, by gifting them with this accurate and precise navigational GPS. With a host of features available from anywhere in the world, it is sure to show them the path even in difficult situations. It’s easy to mount and use, is waterproof, and can withstand water pressure even tens of meters below the surface. It is one of the most important pieces of gear any sailor should have with them.

Garmin GPSMAP 78sc Waterproof Marine GPS and Chartplotter

Marine-friendly handheld with high-sensitivity GPS receiver and 2.6-inch color TFT display

Perfect for boating/watersports--waterproof to IPX7 standards; floats in water

Built-in BlueChart g2 U.S./Bahamas coastal charts with shorelines, depth contours, navaids, harbors, marinas, and more

Built-in 3-axis tilt-compensated electronic compass and barometric altimeter for heading/altitude/weather

Share your waypoints, tracks, routes and geocaches wirelessly with other compatible device user

$239.99

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25. Portable Solar Charger

While at sea, there may be no quick and simple method to generating electricity. Sure, there are generator sets, but they run on harmful fossil fuels that are likely to foul up the environment. To ensure that appliances and equipment can be kept charged, gift this handy and multipurpose solar charger to a boater. With adapters and extension cables, it can be used to power up most gadgets, and is very useful while at sea for long periods. And all without polluting the environment!

[Upgraded]BigBlue 3 USB Ports 28W Solar Charger(5V/4.8A Max), Foldable Portable Solar Phone Charger with SunPower Solar Panel Compatible with iPhone 11/Xs/XS Max/XR/X/8/7, iPad, Samsung Galaxy LG etc.

Updated Triple USB Ports: 3 USB charging ports( Each is 5V/2.4A Max) with smart charging technology which can recognize your device smartly then providing optimal charging speed vary with different devices. The 3 USB ports can offer the total current at 5V/4.8A Max. CE/ FCC/ RoHS certificated, BigBlue ensure 100% safe charging with overcharging, overheating and short circuit protection.

Easy To Carry: With compact size (11.1 × 6.3× 1.3in folded) and lightweight (20.6 oz) design, BigBlue foldable solar charger panel bag is small and light enough to fit into any camping backpack, hiking daypack, or emergency kit. They’re also good for stashing in an emergency kit. The 3 USB ports allow you to charge multiple devices at once.

High Energy Conversion: Highly efficient SunPower panel convert up to 21.5-23.5% of solar power into free energy in enough sunlight. This special PET polymer surface protects it from occasional rain or wet Fog and all the ports are covered by a cloth flap and rubber cover to protect them from dust or water damage.

Wide Compatibility: Attached Micro USB cable for almost all 5V Android devices & some DSLRs, or Apple devices (needs extra original cable). Our solar phone charger can't store the electricity, please unfold it in the outdoor direct sunlight, then connect it to your device. Note: our solar charger doesn't fit the laptops and iPad Pro.

Package & Support: You will get BigBlue 28W Solar Phone Charger, 50cm Micro USB Cable, User Manual, 24-month Worry Free Card and friendly & Customer Service. Note: Any cloud cover arrives may influence the charging speed. We suggest you to replug the device and reopen the solar panels if the charging is too slow.

$69.96

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26. Power Bank (Solar/Waterproof)

When sailing on your boat for several days at a stretch, having enough charge on your phone can be a challenge. It’s the main point of contact with your loved ones back on the shore but has excruciatingly short battery life. Gift that special boater in your life with a power bank, so that you can stay connected. Capable of handling multiple charging sockets, and with a quick recharge option, it occupies very little space and can be stored easily enough.

Solar Power Bank, Qi Portable Charger 10,000mAh External Battery Pack Type C Input Port Dual Flashlight, Compass, Solar Panel Charging (Orange)

Qi Wireless & Solar Power：10,000mAh wireless power bank with solar. Not just wireless power bank but wireless charger as well compatible with iPhone XR/ XR MAX/ XS/ X/ 8/ 8plus, Samsung Galaxy S9/S9plus S8/S8plus and all qi-enabled mobile devices.

Friendly Reminder on Solar：kindly know that solar charging is an additional feature, Taken the small panel size, large capacity and uncontrollable sunlight intensity into consideration, the solar charging option works as a backup solution while other sources of power is unavailable. Make sure the power bank is fully charged before your trips.

Extensive Tested Charging Times：The charging times of the solar phone charger have been extensively tested. Itself can be fully recharged around 6hours with 5V/2A adapter, It can charge iphone7plus up to 2.2times, iPhone X up to 2.3times, iphone8 up to 3.5times.

Sturdy Durable and Compact Size：the portable charger is made of premium ABS materials and lithium polymer battery, highly sturdy and durable. Its equipped with two USB, type C, dual flashlights and a compass kit. Light weight and compact size.

Dual Flashlight & Compass Kit：The solar phone charger is built with dual bright flashlight, and comes with a portable compass kit, a handy tool for outdoor activities, like camping, cycling, fishing, traveling, hiking and beaches.

$29.99

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27. Boat Scruff Erasers

Every sailor knows that boating inevitably results in wear, tear, and the usual scuff marks. From shoe skids to fishing pole marks and accidental brushes with the dock, it can turn your boat into a sore sight. That’s why the perfect gift would be scruff erasers! Just activate them with a bit of water, and they can wipe away nearly every type of dirt mark. They use enhanced dirt removing sponge to remove even the toughest of stains.

Premium Boat Scuff Erasers | Magic Boating Accessories for Cleaning Black Streak Deck Marks and More 3 Pack

REMOVES MARKS & DIRT: Our premium boat eraser sponge quickly and effectively remove dirt, grime, grease, mud, scum, and scuffs from the deck, console and seats of your boat. They are essential to a boat detailing kit and are the perfect tool to keep your boat looking its best by wiping away scuff marks in between deep cleans. They lift away marks from shoes, fishing poles and nets, tackle boxes and coolers. They also can be used to wipe away dirt and marks from in galley, kitchen and lavatory.

NO HARSH CORROSIVE CHEMICALS: Our boat erasers effortlessly and magically wipe away marks from all over the interior and exterior of your boat. Simply add water and squeeze to activate, then wipe away dirt and stains. These sponges DO NOT contain bleach or other harsh chemicals, making them safe on various surfaces and a perfect addition to more intensive boat maintenance supplies. These cleaner pads are safe for fiberglass, fabric, leather, vinyl, plastic, aluminum, gelcoat and metal surfaces.

REINFORCED CORE FOR DURABILITY & SCRUBBER SURFACE: Extra thick sponges are made extremely durable with a reinforced core making them one of the best RV and boat accessory essentials or gifts. They are fast, easy and convenient to use and come in a great value bulk pack of 3. Reduce the pain of marks with these professional boat maintenance supplies. Erase with a textured surface lifting and erasing away dirt from sinks, toilets, countertops, shower stalls walls, bath area and more.

EXCEPTIONAL QUALITY: We proudly stand behind the quality of all our products! We are a family owned American business committed to making premium quality products.

$12.99

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28. Nautical Bottle Opener

While at sea, every sailor loves to have a fridge stacked with a few drinks. Having a bottle opener with them ensures that after a day spent toiling away at sea, they will still be able to enjoy their favourite suds. To top that, it doubles as an excellent home decor piece that will surely be a great conversation opener. It’s small enough to be carried anywhere discretely but robust enough to handle the larger bottles. Even if there’s an occasion to celebrate, the bottle opener has your special sailor covered.

48 pcs Anchor Bottle Opener Wedding Favor Party Favor for Guests

Anchor design, creative and unique

Comes with a transparent striped gift box and round tag

Perfect gift for birthday party and wedding

Box size:4.33*3.23*0.79 Inch

Material: Alloy

$56.00

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29. Books on Boating and Sailing

While experienced sailors and seafarers may have extensive experience under their belt, there are a lot of casual boaters who also wish to learn. While courses may be tough to take, gifting them books related to boating and sailing will be the ultimate gift to help them indulge in their hobby. Offered on different topics and subjects including mechanics, electronics, seamanship, piloting, and DIY repair, you have a wide variety of books to choose from for your perfect gift. Add in a few bookmarks as well so that they can pick up from wherever they left during their last journey.

Sale

The Complete Sailing Manual, 4th Edition

Hardcover Book

Sleight, Steve (Author)

English (Publication Language)

448 Pages - 06/06/2017 (Publication Date) - DK (Publisher)

$25.17

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30. Sailing Themed Leather Notebook/Diary

Staying away from land can be a tough choice to make for sailors. At the same time, it provides them with the chance to experience exciting sights from around the world. That makes this piece the perfect companion for sailors, who have to be away from land and loved ones, and also need to express themselves in the written word. Not only is it leather-covered, but also follows a nautical theme, making it the ideal gift for the sailor you know. From pensive thoughts to stories of their journeys and adventures, it is sure to be a memorable and useful gift for them.

Sailor Vintage Diary with Lock,B6 Leather Combination Code Lock Diary Travel Journal Planner Hardcover Notebook organizer Writing Notepads (Gray)

✅VINTAGE SAILOR DESIGN:European vintage style,high grade leather,embossed with a sailor element with a sense,delicate and smooth to touch,giving you a wonderful writing experience.

✅METAL PASSWORD LOCK: Antique Metal Combination Lock diary,password notebook,add to touch retro fashion sense,0-9 three-digit combination, hundreds of password combination,hundreds of password combination,good confidentiality.

✅PERFECT SIZE:B6 size,Diary leather cover size:20cm×14cm ×2.8cm (7.87x 5.51x 1.10inch),Pages size:18.6cm×12.8cm / (7.32x 5.04inch),The amount of paper:160 sheets/320 page,suitable for your diary records,easy to carry.

✅PREMIUM PAPER:100gsm beige dowling paper,comfortable,It can ensure Smooth Writing,don’t impermeable ink, alternating between horizontal and blank pages to meet the needs of diverse records.

✅GREAT GIFT:Great for jottings, ideas to use as a diary or secret diary or as a part of a collection,Makes an Awesome Christmas or Birthday Gift for girls and boys,college students all adults.

$19.99

Buy on Amazon

Over to you now…

If you know some gifts that we might have missed, do drop us a message in the comments section below.

Disclaimer: The authors’ views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of Marine Insight. Data and charts, if used, in the article have been sourced from available information and have not been authenticated by any statutory authority. The author and Marine Insight do not claim it to be accurate nor accept any responsibility for the same. The views constitute only the opinions and do not constitute any guidelines or recommendations on any course of action to be followed by the reader.

The article or images cannot be reproduced, copied, shared, or used in any form without the permission of the author and Marine Insight.

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[jeaanmoreau]

Gendry/Jon 🎃 Batman and Robin

“This is the gayest fucking thing I have seen in my entire life!”

Arya let out a whoop and pulled the door open to let them in, immediately slinging her arms around both of their shoulders, squeezing between them in her Gladiator costume. “I love it,” she declared loudly as she led them down the hall.

“The only reason Jon got Batman was because he looked like a clown in spandex with that hair,” Gendry explained unnecessarily, because Arya was clearly not paying attention. The damned spandex, though, were already giving him a wedgie and they hadn’t even properly entered the party.

Jon leaned forward to give him a look, half of the expression was lost under the mask, but he could see the deadpan in his eyes. “And because this was your idea. I wanted to come as Men In Black.”

“Who wants to be that boring?” Gendry shot back with a grin as Arya led them into the kitchen where people were already assembled.

The music was pumping loudly and half the people were already wasted. He counted four clowns from It and three Wonder Womans. Women? Who gave a bloody fuck, really?

“My brother and ex-boyfriend are here!” Arya cupped her hands around her mouth to announce their arrival to the people, and they got a chorus of cheers, mostly from the drunken half.

Jon came up next to him, leaning in to mutter, “I do wish she would stop introducing us like that.”

Gendry let out a laugh, turning to adjust the cape on Jon’s shoulders. “Not many people have the opportunity for it, and she’s taking it.” Jon looked like he would rather be anywhere but here under the mask, which really, was very in character. “You’re doing excellent on the brooding front, though. Keep it up.”

He got a shove for that one.

Something about Jon’s quietness made him want to speak up all the more, so half an hour later he was surrounded by twenty-something year olds and on his fifth Batman and Robin joke. Yes, he’d memorised a bunch before leaving, sue him.

“What’s the difference,” he started, beer in hand, eyes glinting behind the black mask. “Between Batman and a robber?”

He paused a beat before the punchline: “Batman can go into a store without robin’, eyyyy!” There were laughs around him, while Batman!Jon only shook his head at him.

“Okay, okay, how about--what did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?”

“What?” Theon shouted from the edge of the couch where he was perched.

Gendry turned and held out his fist under Jon’s face like a mike, grinning at him expectantly.

Jon glared at him. “No.”

“C’mon, it’s your line!”

“It’s not funny, Gendry,” he retorted, bringing up a hand to try to lower the one held up in front of his face.

“Say it anyway!” Gendry insisted.

Jon sighed, dejected and winced as he said, “Get in the Batmobile, Robin.”

Really, Jon could’ve sworn he almost heard crickets. He glanced at Gendry who still had that stupidly optimistic smile on his face despite the lack of enthusiasm for the joke, and he couldn’t help but smile. He slung his arm around his boyfriend’s waist and gently led him away. “That’s the trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities.”

join my halloween celebration!

[reellifeonline]

Choosing Great Gear for Kayaking in Comfort

Gear for any sport is weather dependent, and when you’re out on the water, packing and dressing for the weather is even more important. When you’re kayaking in warm weather, on warm water, you may not need intense gear like a dry suit, but it’s still critical to think about your comfort and safety. For instance, long sleeve fishing shirts with UPF protection are always a good idea when you’re in the sun.

Always Be Safe First off, some general safety tips. It’s always preferable to go out with a buddy. If you run into any trouble, having someone with you can prove a lifesaver, as an extra pair of hands can get you out of a bind, or get help if you need it. Always make sure to tell someone else where you’re going and how long you plan to be away. If the conditions don’t feel comfortable, if it’s too cold or choppy or it looks like a storm might blow in, or anything else that doesn’t feel right, just wait for a better time. The water will always be there. Finally, always wear a life preserver. Wear Synthetics As for the clothing itself, your best bet is wearing synthetic materials. Cotton Tshirts are great for catching a drink with kayaking buddies when you’re off the water, but fabrics like cotton, wool, and denim are not always ideal on the water. One of the most reliable bets is picking up a high-performance polyester fishing shirt for men or women. They dry quickly, wick moisture away, and the best provide protection from the sun while remaining breathable. Basically, a high-grade, high-performance polyester fishing shirt is perfect for kayaking. For your bottom half, consider pants or shorts that are polyester or something like a polyester and spandex blend. Don’t Wear Anything Baggy The best polyester fishing shirts should be relatively form-fitting. That’s hugely helpful for kayaking as baggy clothing is the antithesis of comfort and safety on the water. If you’re wearing bulky clothing, there’s going to be more of it. That means more clothing to sponge up water, which makes for a soaked, uncomfortable time. Wear Kayaking Accessories Whenever you are engaged in sports like kayaking, accessorize accordingly. That means wearing a hat and polarized sunglasses. A hat protects your scalp from direct sunlight and provides shade, cooling you off on warmer days. On colder and rainy days, a hat will provide a bit of extra warmth and keep the rain off of your face. Polarized sunglasses are terrific for reducing the effects of sunlight and glare off of the water. The better you’re able to see, the safer your kayaking is going to be. About Reel Life™ If you were #RaisedOnTheWater, you are ready for Reel Life™. Being raised on the water isn’t about where you grew up for the folks behind Reel Life™ gear. It’s about a way of life for anyone who loves fishing, whitewater rafting, diving, kayaking, snorkeling, or just kicking back on the beach with a cold drink and good friends. Whatever your preferred water adventure, Reel Life™ gear will keep you comfortable, protected from the elements, and looking good while you’re doing it. From their Floridian home base, Reel Life™ designs gear for your water adventure, whether that’s moisture-wicking men fishing shirts, stylish hats, or UV-blocking polarized sunglasses. Suit up for your water adventure of choice with Reel Life™, at Reellifegear.com Original Source: http://bit.ly/2IZbMHP

[tessatechaitea]

Black Canary #1

Isn't a black canary just a crow?

I love everything about Black Canary's outfit. The high-heeled boots with the huge cuffs. The gloves with the huge cuffs. The short jacket with the huge shoulder pads. And obviously the fishnet stockings. Maybe the only thing that is a little tiny bit unrealistic (and only because everything else is so on-point realistic!) is that fucking wig. It's too much, man! Although as long as Dinah doesn't mind getting it torn off in battle to reveal her actual identity, I suppose it's a good surprise tactic in battle. Some brutish drug lord thinks he's got her dead to rights as he grabs her hair to pull back her head and woof! Her hair comes off in his hands, he loses his balance, and Black Canary cuts his fucking balls off. Now I want Black Canary to be infected by the Meta(l)gene so she becomes Death Canary. Maybe instead of a sonic scream, she could emit a poison scream. That fits the theme of the canary in the coal mine which would be a dead canary which is where she got her name, Death Canary. Try to keep up! And if you were keeping up, sorry to be so patronizing, you fucking genius you! I'm taking a break from Twitter so whenever I get the need to do a Tweet, I'm just going to insert it into my comic book reviews. Like so: Tweet: "I think I have the Kokomovirus." That's the kind of brilliant thing people are missing because of the gloating Biden fans who don't care that if I get sick or have a medical emergency, I'm going to die and/or go bankrupt. Oh well! I guess I haven't earned life!

Welcome to the club! It even includes Superman! Unless he's already dead. Which means I should have said, "Which doesn't include Superman. Because he's already dead!" This comic has the same cover date as Superman #75 so I don't know how to word my joke which probably wouldn't make sense to people reading this in 2020 anyway without all the exposition!

Tweet: "I've just discovered my new kink is women hanging from ladders." Black Canary is tailing a girl, Sally, who has found herself mixed up in some dangerous things. I don't know what those things are but the girl is dressed like an extra from Road Warrior. And not an extra that lives behind the wall of trucks hoarding all of the oil or water or lube or whatever. She looks like one of the people trying to steal the good stuff.

Remember when there was a moment in time when panhandlers being honest seemed charming?

I'm not sure what Black Canary's first clause has to do with her final clause. "He has bad dental hygiene but at least he doesn't lie." I mean, I can sort of see it when I restate it. "Here is a thing he is neglectful of but then again, he has a positive trait." Still, it's clunky. But just looking at a guy and thinking "Ugh! Rotten teeth and bad breath [redundant!]! But at he least he's honest!" seems a bit weird. Her response, "Sorry, no pockets," is the response I'm going to use from now on, even when I'm wearing cargo shorts. Which I only wear in hypothetical sentences although if I did wear them, I would not be ashamed of it. In 2020, it's less likely that a person would have no pockets and more likely they just wouldn't have any cash. Unless a panhandler has ApplePay, they're shit out of luck.

I have two pet peeves when it comes to comic book depictions of objects: getting the pips wrong on dice and getting the stripes wrong on the flag of the United States. And I don't even care about the flag! I just think it's lazy to get it wrong!

Since those aren't real dice, the artist might be commenting on how fuzzy dice producers are lazy assholes who get it wrong all the time. Once every five years, I feel charitable and decide to give an artist the benefit of the doubt. Because I was angry about the dice, I almost missed the rest of the panel which showed a couple of guys on a stake out. They must be the reason this girl is about to get into trouble! She's fallen in with a dangerous crowd and the cops are ready to bust them! I hope Black Canary saves her from ruining her life! Although I don't know why I hope that. Is it because I trust Black Canary's judgment? Because I really don't give a shit about Ms. Mohawk there. I barely give a shit about myself! If I were walking into a dangerous situation only to discover I was about to be murdered, I'd probably just shrug and think, "Seems fair." Black Canary tries to reach out to Sally in the bar. She's fifteen years old and on the streets working for a pimp. The girl doesn't want any help and tries to leave but some guy in the bar grabs her. She kicks him in the chest and the guy pulls a gun on her and tries to murder her. Is that the kind of thing we've decided to classify as "boys will be boys"? I'd think of it as a sense of patriarchal entitlement but I think we're saving the word "entitlement" to disparage government programs that help make people's lives better. I fucking hate this world. Due to the commotion inside the bar, the cops ditch their stakeout and rush the entrance just as the girl is leaving. They grab her and, being that she doesn't know they're cops and they're just more men trying to control and limit her agency, she slices one with a knife. Now the cops also try to shoot her! But Black Canary stops them the way she stopped the other guy. You know, by beating their asses. They'd love to arrest Black Canary but Seattle, unlike the small town in the miniseries, doesn't have laws against women looking hot on the street. Maybe they have laws against assaulting police officers but they don't mind giving her the benefit of the doubt because she works with them better than Green Arrow does. She also distracts them by giving them a different lead to follow.

This is fucked up. This really makes it seem like Black Canary suspected this guy was about to die in this alley from a drug overdose and she simply ignored it!

Black Canary tells the cops that she's seen this kind of thing before. A local politician used booze and drugs to keep get street people to vote for them. The cops are all, "Big deal! There ain't nothing criminal in that memory!" ignoring the fact that Black Canary is just telling it to maybe shine some light on the street person they just found who died of an overdose. Black Canary responds, "Getting people drunk ain't a crime but poll fixing is! And, you know, murder!" Then Black Canary continues to remember when she was a young teen trying on her mom's outfit, eager to become a vigilante. Black Canary remembers that at least one of the homeless people being kept stoned to keep them happy as they're bused to the polling place to vote for the corrupt politician was blinded by the cheap alcohol being used. To keep the person quiet, one of the corrupt politician's staffers suffocated him and dropped him in an alley. That's why Black Canary has seen this before! It's probably the same corrupt politician! Because the same thing is being done again. Only this time instead of staffers drugging homeless people, he's paying young street kids to hand out the drug-tainted alcohol. And Sally was the one who gave the murder drink to Canary's rotten toothed homeless man! And she's horrified when she learns she killed a guy! But the local politician is all, "There's more money where that came from, murderer!" Black Canary #1 Rating: B. This is a decent story about a street level hero just trying to do good while trying to also work with local law enforcement. It's probably better written than a number of super hero books at the time but I only continued with this series for one more issue. My guess is that at 21, I was less interested in a well written comic book discussing social ills and more interested in muscular bodies in tight and gaudy outfits punching other muscular bodies in tight and even more gaudy outfits. I know at this time in my life especially, I was really into solid super villains. And nothing could bore me quicker than the villain being a corrupt politician in a suit. Man, the real world would be way more exciting if Donald Trump just bought a mask and a weird fucking purple and green spandex outfit. I say if you're going to go full super villain, look the fucking part, dude.

[sea040561]

UPDATE: Suzanne’s 100 Followers Writing Challenge

So, as pointed out to me by the lovely @seenashwrite, I forgot to include the list of prompts when I posted my update about the writing challenge! 

So, I am going to repost everything below the “Keep Reading” tab!

Hey 100 Followers!

So, in honor of 100 followers, I am hosting a writing challenge! WOOHOO! I love reading fan fiction so I figured why not have you wonderful fan fiction authors write so I have stuff to read? LMAO

Here are the RULES AND REGULATIONS:

Suzanne's 100 Followers Supernatural Writing Challenge

To participate, YOU MUST BE FOLLOWING ME!! I will follow you bake!

Please reblog this post and tag any authors that might be interested.

There is a selection of 20 movies quotes, 20 TV quotes, and 20 song titles to choose from. Please choose a first choice and a second choice.

You may write for ANY PAIRING AT ALL!! M/M, F/F, F/M, Trans, Cis etc. Reader inserts ARE included and highly encouraged!

You may write ANY type of fic - smut, angst, fluff, canon, crack, crossovers (with crossover characters as secondary characters), RPF, RPS, Winsister, etc.  

You may use kinks in your fics. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it goes with the storyline.

Message or send me an ask with your choices AND pairings under @sea040561. You do not have to indicate if you are using a kink or what type of fic it is going to be.

Your fic must be a minimum of 750 words! Use the "Keep Reading" tab though. Fics DO NOT have to be a one-shot. That decision is up to you! You retain ownership of the fic.

IMPORTANT: Your quote or song title MUST BE USED SOMEWHERE in the fic as a piece of dialogue!

If you can, please have someone beta your fic even if just for punctuation and spelling errors!

When posting, please use the hashtag #Suzanne's 100 Followers Supernatural Writing Challenge within the first 3 tags!

Tag me under both my blogs: @sea040561 & @my-favorite-fiction67. A lot of people have trouble tagging me under @sea040561 which is why I included my secondary one.

Please include an author's note with your quote/song and where it is from or who sang it, who your pairing is, any kinks and any warnings you feel are needed and tag me in it @sea040561 and @my-favorite-fiction67 along with the title of this challenge

All fics are due by September 15th, 2017. I know there is a lot of other challenges going on right now which is why I am giving 3 months for it.

Finally, PLEASE MESSAGE ME WHEN YOU POST YOUR FIC!

100 Follower Challenge Movie quotes: 

1. "Because I'm 50 shades of fucked up" - Christian Grey - 50 Shades of Grey @sofreddie 2. "I'm not putting that in my butt" - Ana Steele - 50 Shades Darker   3. "It says right here it is a dessert wine" - Jan - Grease 4. "Marty: Do you think these glasses make me look smarter? Rizzo: No, you can still see your face." - Grease @redlipstickandthewinchesters 5. "So long, gay boys!" - Mr Chow - The Hangover 6. "Not you, fat Jesus" - The Hangover 7. "Stop trying to make fetch happen, Gretchen." - Regina George - Mean Girls 8. "I can't help it if I have a wide set vagina and a heavy flow" - Chubby girl - Mean Girls 9. "Aubrey: I know you have a toner for Jesse." "Becca: A what?" "Aubrey: A toner. A musical boner." - Pitch Perfect 10. "Lily: I set fires to feel joy. Donald: That's adorable" - Pitch Perfect 11. "There's gum on my seat... GUM!" Annie - Speed 12. "Jesus, Bob, what button did you push?" - Young Executive - Speed 13. "All the dinosaurs feared the mighty T-Rex" - Deadpool  @jayankles 14. "That's a face I'd be happy to sit on" - Vanessa - Deadpool - @crowleysplaythings/@allmightqueenofangst (John x reader) 15. "Show Dick some respect" - John Bender - The Breakfast Club 16. "Dick, I mean Richard, does Barry Manilow you raid his wardrobe on a daily basis." - John Bender - The Breakfast Club 17. "Wolverine: You actually go outside in these things? Cyclops: Well, what would you prefer, yellow spandex?" - X Men 18. "Steve Rogers: Is everything a joke to you? Tony Stark: Funny things are." - The Avengers 19. "Gamora: I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy." - Guardians of the Galaxy 20. "Slater: Didja ever look at a dollar bill, man? There's some spooky shit goin' on there. And it's green too." - Dazed and Confused

Songs:

1. "Love Screws Me Up" - Rick Springfield 2. "Living in Oz" - Rick Springfield 3. "Shape of You" - Ed Sheeren 4. "Thinking out Loud" - Ed Sheeren 5. "Slow Hands" - Naill Horan @redlipstickandthewinchesters 6. "Strip That Down" - Liam Payne 7. "Mo Bounce" - Iggy Azelea 8. "Higher Ground" - Red Hot Chili Peppers 9. "Remix (I like it)" - New Kids on the Block 10. "Larger then Life" - Backstreet Boys 11. "It Make Me Ill" - 'N Sync 12. "Hungry Like a Wolf" - Duran Duran @wonderange 13. "I Wanna Sex You Up" - Color Me Badd 14. "Makin' Me Look Good Again" - Drake White 15. "Starving" by Hailee Steinfeld 16. "Hold Back the River" by James Bay 17. "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt 18. "Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes 19. "Way Down We Go" by Kaleo 20. "Unsteady" by X Ambassadors

TV Quotes

1. "Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it!" - Friends 2. "I'm not great at advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?" - Friends @darling-highness 3. "We actually started an urban legend!" - Psych 4. "Falling in love with you was never part of the plan." - Psych - @invisibleassbutt (Destiel) 5. "It's a gift... and a curse." -  Monk 6. "Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not." - Monk 7. "I'm wearing the hat, where's the party?" - Full House 8. "Okay let's face it, I'm a lean, mean, hugging machine." - Full House 9. "You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you and you can get over it. All you gotta do is survive." - Grey's Anatomy - @benjerry77/@impalapiegirl67 10. "I'm sure it must feel as though everything is coming apart, but you can get through this." - Grey's Anatomy 11. "Scully: You have seen this before, I can tell. You lied to them. Mulder: I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation." - X Files 12. "Dr. Robert Romano: I'm beginning to think that "ER" stands for "everyone's retarded"." - ER 13. "Dr. John Carter: [Instructing his med student] Grab that penis and show it who's boss." - ER 14. "Emerson Cod: Future Me though, is going 'I told you so' up one side of you down the other one... but Now Me is just gonna sit back and watch.'' - Pushing Daisies 15. "Chrissy Snow: You know, if women ran the world there'd be none of these stupid wars! Janet Wood Dawson: Yeah! Stanley Roper: Yeah, all the countries would nag each other to death!" - Three's Company 16. "Ralph Furley: This is a respectable building. NO ROMAN ORGIES!" - Three's Company 17. "Sheldon: I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested!" - The Big Bang Theory 18. "Monica Gellar: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!" - Friends 19. "Ross Gellar: OK, how about Ruth? Rachel Greene: Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?" - Friends (on naming their baby) -  @wideawakeandwriting 20. "Steven Hyde: When Kelso's the only one of us thinking straight, something's wrong." - That 70s Show

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