#woke up at 7am yesterday and i havent slept since its been a fucking time

[bravevolunteer]

break time….

[babithyn]

November 21st, 2023

tw~ed

So i accidentally only ate 2 rice cakes with peanut butter and honey yesterday. Like it wasn’t intentional i just had to do so many things and i was exhausted.

I had to take my daughter to the dr. because of some problems with her umbilical cord. Then i had to put together her stroller when we got home.

I mean i also had a coffee from starbucks cause i was exhausted from staying up all night taking care of my baby.

What sucks even more is that i didnt even finish the stroller. i only have one more piece but still i have a huge mess in my living room.

Also, my bf who slept most of the night fell asleep with me, woke up and went to the gym. which i didn’t mind. what i did mind is him waking me up throughout the day to feed our daughter when he damn well couldve fed and changed her.

I would take the bottle he heated up and he would leave the room. I would accidentally fall asleep, bottle in hand without grabbing our daughter to feed her. And instead of him just being like, “you know what shes really tired i might as well feed our daughter.” He would wake me up and tell me to feed her or change her or whatever.

Of course im going to take care of our daughter, i love my little monster. But i could use the help when im that exhausted.

My frustration is peaked cuz i was so tired i slept all night as well and still was waking up ever 1-3hours to a screaming infant and who had to take care of her? that would be my ass.

In other news i lost another 2lbs so im happy about that. But idk what my dr. is going to say about that cuz ive lost A LOT since i gave birth. I just dont want any problems.

But tn im having a really hard time convincing myself to eat. Like ive been awake since 7am, its now almost 1 and i still havent eaten. i know i have to eat but the thought of eating rn makes me nauseous and anxious.

I havent breastfed or pumped in 2days and somehow my boobs dont hurt. which tells me im not producing enough milk and i know its from not eating. i honestly feel like a horrible mom.

Like fuck! why cant i just be a normal person and not worry about my weight and how i look until my daughter starts eating actual food?

anyways as alwaysthanks for coming to my ted talk. stay safe:)