#without the fights that reduces a lot
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deadpool (2008) #36
#wade wilson#hydra bob#oh no. oh no. please don't tell me i'm going to reread way's run.#sci talks comics#way's deadpool is actually kind of profoundly interesting#he might be The Most Self-Reflective deadpool ever#like he's constantly asking questions about what he wants and who he Is and it's really interesting.#like the whole series is just like. introspection. maybe the boxes help.#it's funny that people reduce this series to the 'lols randum' era of deadpool when.. there is a lot going on here#it's not GREAT but there's a lot of interesting morsels here. i kind of like what way brought to deadpool.#he's one of the better more interesting deadpools#hey can i say i actually do think there's something lost about wade when you take away the boxes.#i know way's deadpool is literally the only one that HAS the boxes but. they feel so integral to wade somehow.#like i feel their absence all the time. wade becomes more boring and conventional without them.#niceiza's wade escapes it maybe because he's sometimes fighting with the captions still#but i really like the boxes and i'm sad they're not a deadpool staple anymore. i miss them.#petition for marvel to bring back the boxes
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âA man does not need to be a wizard to know truth from falsehood, not if he has eyes. You need only learn to read a face. Look at the eyes. The mouth. The muscles here, at the corners of the jaw, and here, where the neck joins the shoulders.â ... The next day they began the lying game, asking questions of one another, taking turns. Sometimes they would answer truly, sometimes they would lie. The questioner had to try and tell what was true and what was false.
--
âThen practice making faces. Beneath your skin are muscles. Learn to use them. It is your face. Your cheeks, your lips, your ears. Smiles and scowls should not come upon you like sudden squalls. A smile should be a servant, and come only when you call it. Learn to rule your face.â ... "Try it again on the morrow. You will find a Myrish mirror in the vaults. Train before it for an hour every day. Eyes, nostrils, cheeks, ears, lips, learn to rule them all.â
--
âShe will teach you,â said the kindly man as the waif appeared outside her door. âStarting with the tongue of Braavos. What use are you if you cannot speak or understand? And you shall teach her your own tongue. The two of you shall learn together, each from the other. Will you do this?â ... Thereafter she and the waif spent their time together touching things and pointing, as each tried to teach the other a few words of her own tongue. Simple words at first, cup and candle and shoe; then harder words; then sentences.
--Arya II, AFFC
Arya's educational set-ups are so potent in just her first chapter within the House of Black and White. Learning how to detect and tell lies, learning to master her facial expressions, and learning new languages are all extremely useful and versatile skills. George doesn't just have characters learning skills without intending them to be used either. Arya's lessons with Syrio + learned observational skills are integral to her evading capture in AGOT, what she observes and learns in Harrenhal helps her to plan her escape in ACOK, etc.
It's also interesting that some of her lessons are almost supplementary to what she's learned on her journey so far. Arya has already shown keen observation skills and the ability to read people's temperaments, so learning how to read deeper and detect lies feels like a nice extension of that. Same with her ability to conform her behavior to her environment, learning the importance of facial expressions and how to "rule her face" feels like the next step. Learning languages is new but also complementary to both skills. Her development is getting taken to the next level and I'm really looking forward to seeing how her new skills will be utilized.
#arya stark#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#faceless men#what she's currently learning about is so interesting to me considering what she's already accomplished#I like that we got two books of her mostly on her own and figuring things out before we have her being more guided#cause there's a lot that she's already learned on her own but it would be unrealistic for her to learn everything without guidance#and she's not just learning in a controlled environment her lessons are being actively put to the test#just annoying that people reduce her skills to sword fighting when that's arguably her least valuable skill#and again this is just her first chapter with them and what she actively started learning...there are a lot more mentions+lessons incoming#I'm being so serious when I say she really has the potential to be a political powerhouse#the vision when you don't just reduce a character to one single trait
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Oh rewatching Naruto to pick up languages sounds fun!
Naruto infuriates me so so much. I could go from 0 to 60 from a random Naruto post. There was a base a good foundation. Great character designs who could have grown and developed so well. We could have had so much nuance and issues addressed. Just slivers of brilliance and then trash. The whole students who faced war and pain go on to become teachers who do the same without empathy (there are days where Kakashi makes me scream in rage) My face when they introduced Kaguya as the big bad behind Madara. I won't even touch Naruto, Sasuke & Itachi.
But the akatsuki, oh loved every one of their stories.
You mentioned web novels and I flashed to the trenches of MTL. I do think the Chinese ones provide such delicious angst though. They don't hesitate. At all. To take the dark turns. The enemies to lovers trope in those are TRULY enemies. The pain is PAIN. but the redemption is worth it too. Yuwu by meatbun was the last one I read and that was heavy.
yeah, it is!! unfortunately the studio responsible for the dubbing... massively had to scale back production for war-related reasons, so the naruto dub does tail off shortly before shippuden. but well, they did dub a hell of a lot of detective conan episodes because apparently that's a major hit (rightly so!!)
and yeah character development in naruto was... well, look, it was never good, but eventually it REALLY became a mess. what you can say in defence of the pre-shippuden stuff is that it has some fairly clear themes and coming-of-age plot threads of like,, naruto gradually being accepted by the village, finding his own place within this community, making friends... I mean it was always a little bit threadbare because you don't really get the sense there's all that much naruto has to develop, except maybe 'accepting himself and calming down a bit', because from the framing of the show it's really just the world around him that has to change. (alternatively it's framed as basically fine that he needs to actively fight the village to be accepted which!! no!!) but that's getting in the weeds. it's fine. they don't have to reinvent the wheel, the basic character premise is all right
but then by the time to get to shippuden, the arc is... naruto learning about the horrors of hard choices? or something. I guess. also not giving up on sasuke, which really is his major driving motivation in shippuden beyond 'not getting his monster sucked out of his body', but the narrative never really takes a stance on the sasuke question, which?? it's your central conflict, you've got to take a stance on it!! like, is him never giving up on sasuke good because it shows his pure soul and power of friendship and how he knows this traumatised child soldier isn't beyond redemption, or is it bad because he's delusional and not paying enough attention to all of sasuke's victims and it keeps distracting him from this existential threat? we don't know!! it's not resolved! it's kind of resolved in that sasuke did come back to the good side, which you'd think would mean the narrative feels naruto was right, but then on the other hand naruto was really only very tenuously involved in this 'redemptive' process. they got to the point where literally everyone was telling him to finally drop the sasuke quest and then the narrative just... moves on. never resolves it!! so as a result of the whole plot becoming such a. mess. leading up to the final war arc, kishimoto kinda forgot to give his main emotional and thematic and character tension of the series a satisfying ending
the whole point of the sasuke character was... going through a lot of trauma when you are young and losing stuff you remember having can kinda fuck you up and send you down an ultimately self-destructive path of hatred and bitterness and close you down to forming new attachments. so sasuke functions as one of naruto's many shadow selves in the series (the other major ones being gaara and pain) about how naruto just escaped that path, but it's always a fairly thin line and naruto could also be consumed by bitterness if he isn't careful. and also naruto's got a saviour complex because he feels like the only one who can get all the bad boys and he empathises to a painful extent with them, so saving sasuke is also about like. confronting the monster within and needing to believe there's hope for sasuke still because that also means there's hope for naruto. which is all FINE, ignoring execution I do think that's a perfectly solid premise for your shounen protagonist arc. but then the itachi twist is... well, it's a lot!! it steamrolls a lot of this arc if you think about it for two seconds too long! like it's interesting and I don't HATE hate it but it does also just Fundamentally Change the moral logic of the naruto universe in a way the narrative never reckons with! because if itachi was following his village's orders in slaughtering their entire clan, then... well, sasuke is right! his revolutionary cause is broadly justified, even if it comes from a place of loss and trauma! the uchiha WERE right to think konoha couldn't be trusted! it's an unjustifiable crime! suddenly the entire calculus of sasuke being consumed by revenge changes, because unless your stance is that 'all revenge is bad' (clearly not true in ninja world), that is pretty much as justifiable a revenge quest as you can get!
at which point. you just get to this weird place where the politics of naruto-verse become kinda fucked, because the only reason why konoha is 'good' is for some vibes-based 'well, the status quo is fundamentally preferable' argument. chaos reigned before the villages, so The Village needs to be preserved at all costs! and it's kinda... look, I don't want to over-examine the politics of the naruto-verse, but I do think it's a bit of an issue if your 'it's wrong to judge outsiders and especially innocent children for stuff outside of their control' story becomes a 'well the institutions of power have a few Bad Actors but the real villains will always be those traumatised by the institutions of the state who attempt to change the status quo' story. when I was a teen reading shippuden the first time, I was introduced to the 'uchiha's are doomed to a curse of hatred where unless they're super careful they're genetically locked into becoming the baddies' stuff and was like 'oh yeah what this is leading to is a big lesson about how this kind of thinking that demonises an entire population is exactly as misguided as the villagers being mean to naruto' because apparently I was an idiot who thought this story was going in a thematically coherent direction. in the end, the stance of the whole narrative is basically 'yeah the curse of hatred is a thing, the uchiha ARE all kinda genetically predisposed to losing themselves to hatred', which? please stop? think about what your story is saying!! this is a bad bad message!!
basically, kishimoto needed to ignore all this ninja war stuff - you needed some kind of vaguely satisfying conclusion to THAT story and all the other stuff can sort itself out. I don't even massively care what stance you end up taking on sasuke as long as you take one!! I mean ultimately I suppose I'd prefer naruto being able to save sasuke, but also y'know convince me on whatever you want, just do SOMETHING with it rather than like. the endless war arc. that simply would not end. it just became too convoluted!! super easy and common flaw for long running series to fall prey to, but still! fix it! obviously there's a few other glaring issues here like 'clearly if you've got a trio then you need your third main character to also play a role in this central conflict', where they just. extremely fluffed it with sakura. I have zero problem with a lot of her early characterisation like her being mean to naruto or having a crush on sasuke, she's a young girl it's FINE. but obviously the power-scaling of this series ends up being like,, inherently sexist, and they progressively ruin all of naruto's underdog charm by not only making the monster inside him a clear upside (given using the nine tailed fox came with diminishing costs and he got control over it... way too easily) but also ensuring he too has a deeply significant bloodline lineage with the uzumaki's. his dad minato has underdog appeal because he didn't come from a significant family!! not naruto! and I'm fond enough of minato and kushina that even though I hate this retcon for thematic reasons, I can't hate hate them, I think they're cute, but!! at a certain stage you need to figure out how you're going to somehow remain true to the starting point of your story
and figure out what to do with sakura - on paper you'd think she'd be the mediator between naruto and sasuke in their extreme stances, but you don't actually need a mediator because naruto is already completely pro-sasuke!! and had a more significant relationship with him than sakura did from basically the start, like there is nothing about sasuke that sakura knows and naruto doesn't. (there are very obvious implications for which of these characters should have been given a romantic ending, but let's not even get into that.) and obviously they were never going to do this in their shounen power fantasy, but it should have been sakura to embody the ultimate underdog power fantasy - because narratively she's actually the only underdog left. she's konoha's will of fire personified, she's the one who can function as a narrative stand-in for the village with all its fighting spirit and nominal egalitarianism and prejudices and flaws. it's fine if shippuden is mostly operating on different thematic ground than the first bit of the series, though you do still need to take a stance on the sasuke question... which means it should obviously have been sakura, as practically the first character in the series to judge both naruto and sasuke and make up her mind on both of them, to be symbolically granted the power to Give Them A Chance and ensure they're both not doomed to the monsters within by bringing about change to the structures that demonised and isolated them in the first place. I'm not asking for socialist utopias in my ninja worldbuilding, but if you're going to introduce 'the state ordered the deuteragonist's brother to do a genocide on his entire family' as a major plot point, you do have to find SOME kind of resolution to it idk. and the fact sakura was like?? knocked out during the naruto and sasuke fight at the end?? genuine insanity. zero interest in the third most important character in the whole story. what was the plan. I have thought for many years about what is wrong with that series and what I would fix and I will spend many more doing so
#i still haven't read a meatbun novel!!! i definitely will at some point i'm aware it's like. a rite of passage#but i'll probably start with erha lol#i agreeeee they're so all in..... it's the stuff i just want from fantasy romance in general#like there's a lot of romance!! but crucially. crucially. there's also a lot of plot. and the characters slap!! truly#batsplat responds#//#yoro#crazy how the narrative just completely forgot sakura HAD a rival. she had ino!! this should have been a thing!!#it's not even as much 'well I wish they'd focused on the characters I liked and also made it less sexist and more gay'#but also like. the sexism actively makes it worse. you can't make your trio story suddenly a story about a duo#I don't love how rin is basically reduced to dead teammate/potential love interest in the kakashi/obito fight#but at least she's still relevant in that!! sakura literally does not feature even in spirit in the naruto/sasuke confrontation#I also thing an underexamined part of the mythos is that the sakura role at the foundation of konoha is obviously... well. tobirama#basically I reckon you needed to turn sakura against saske completely and get naruto to play the mediator role#until finally sakura has to learn to see things from sasuke's pov... without all the romance stuff mind u. but they do reconcile
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I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. đĽš
#haphephobia.... and they list guts from berserk under pop culture references đ˘đ˘đđ thats my guy....#not gonna lie i teared up a bit i didnt realise it 'counted' as an actual phobia#i find it really difficult to talk abt but i have a complicated relationship w touch/physical contact (likely trauma babeyy)#and while i do crave it a lot i also have a very physical reflexive fear response especially if its intentional + i dont expect it#which can sometimes even get triggered just being in proximity to ppl bc like. even the possibility sets me on fucking edge#it would be nice to be as physically affectionate as i naturally want to be without dealing w my fight/flight/freeze but alas#its weird bc there are some random situations where it doesnt get triggered at all but its so unpredictable every time#and varies wildly person to person for seemingly no reason. there r strangers im innately more comfortable with but also friends ive known#for years and will never be comfortable around. i think part of that depends on how strongly the other person communicates and whether-#i feel as if theyre demonstrably able to respect boundaries not just mine but their own too + understand theyre not always fixed#ideally i need to have had this conversation with them so i Know they understand. which is rly difficult i find it so hard to admit#and i have a complicated mental block where i need the other person to naturally bring it up which very very rarely ever happens#idk just an atmosphere of safety yknow. i think its intentional touch that specifically makes me panic bc im usually fine w like-#bustling crowds or even expected social rules like handshakes at interviews. bc its not like they're Trying To Touch Me its just rote idk#hopefully eventually ill reach a place where im able to unpack it and reduce its severity bc man sometimes its fucking heartbreaking to me#bc i do genuinely really like physical contact im an incredibly physical person its my main way of interacting w the world#and the way having to force myself to avoid it meshes w my rsd too augh.... its a clusterfuck#even just having one person im completely comfortable with. maaaaan.#almost makes me miss my ex. at least i was mostly cool around them#god its sucked lately ive been having weird vivid dreams related to it. but whatever its so far down my list of problems to prioritize#and at least i dont get it w my familys dog so i can cuddle her :^) i miss her i cant wait to see her next month :D#anywayyyy thats enough im so tired goodnight every1...#.diaries
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Sometimes, as much as I love internet communities and spaces, I really think a lot of people have spent so much time in sanitized, morally pure echo chambers that they lose sight of realism and life outside the internet.
I live in Alabama. My fiancĂŠe and I cannot hold hands down the street without fear of homophobic assholes. We have an abortion ban with no exceptions for rape or incest. We are one of the poorest states in the US with some of the lowest scores on metrics related to quality of life, including maternal mortality, healthcare, education, and violence. Itâs not a coincidence that we are also one of the most red, one of the most Republican states in the Union. In 2017 the UN said the conditions in Alabama are similar to those in a third-world country.
Trump gave a voice to the most violently racist, sexist, xenophobic groups of people who, unfortunately for most of us in the Southern U.S., run our states and have only grown more powerful since his rise to power. The Deep South powers MAGA, and we all suffer for it.
We have no protections if they donât come from the federal government.
I know people are suffering internationally and my heart is with them. However, this election is not just about foreign policy - we have millions of Americans right here at home living in danger, living in areas where they have been completely abandoned by their local leaders. We need this win.
No candidate is perfect, but for the first time in my voting lifetime Iâm excited to vote. Iâm excited for the Kamala Harris/Tim Walz ticket because they are addressing the issues close to home. Theyâre advocating for education as the ticket to a better life, but without the crippling student debt. Theyâre advocating for the right to love who you love without fear and with pride. Kamala has always been pro-LGBT+ and so has Tim. Again, if youâre queer in the South, we donât have support unless it comes from the federal government, and we absolutely will not have support if the Republicans regain the White House.
Kamala speaks in length about re-entry programs to reduce recidivism and help people who have been arrested and imprisoned regain their lives. Tim Walz supported restoring voting rights to felons. In the South, you know who comprise the majority of felons? Members of minorities. Itâs one of the major tools of systemic racism and mass disenfranchisement, and arguably the modern face of slavery (there are some fantastic documentaries and books that explain the connection between the post-Reconstruction South and the disproportionate rates of imprisonment for BIPOC). Having candidates who recognize this and want to restore the freedom and rights to people who have come into contact with the criminal justice system? And keep them from having to go to prison in the first place? Thatâs refreshing. Thatâs exciting.
I would *love* to live in a country where womenâs rights are respected, where LGBT+ rights and protections are a given, where we treat former criminals and individuals experiencing mental health crises with respect and dignity. I would *love* to live in a country where education is free of religious interference and each and every citizen is entitled to a fair start and equal opportunities.
But I donât live in that country. Millions and millions of Americans find their rights and freedoms up for debate and on the ballot.
Project 2025 poses the largest threat to the future of our democracy as we know it. We are being called to fight for the future of our country.
We have to put on our oxygen masks first before we can help others.
You donât have moral purity when you wash your hands of the millions of us who are still fighting for own freedoms right here.
The reality is that a presidential candidate is a best fit, and not a perfect fit. But comparatively speaking? Kamala is pretty damn close.
#us politics#kamala harris#vote kamala#vote blue#donât forget about the southern states please#weâre still here
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The Tattoo (part two)
After scarabias overblot, and seeing what ace and Deuce were willikg to do for you, you were so touched that you decided ro get them tattooed on your body as a small heart and a spade. After that chaos ensues-
If you wanna read the whole prolouge, then it's here
Floyd feels a lot. He feels betrayed and enraged over the tattoo, feeling the urge to fight those two damn guppies you call friends. How dare you betray your mate like this, you were meant to be! Atleast he will show you that he will fight for his mate, if that's good or bad that's for you to decide...
He hates the tattoo, yet as much as he hates it he can't really put the anger onto you. It's that damn mackerel and crabs fault! They must have forced you into it! Don't worry, like the good mate he is he will mark over their dumb marks, showing who's boss. He hates hurting you but he needs to do what has to be done to show that you're his...
Jade is... off. As soon as he hears about the tattoo his composure just, shatters. He cant understand why you would play him like this, you're quite cruel aren't you? Playing him like this, making him lose his composure... you want him to kill to show how much he cares? Because he will- in fact, he will use any dirty tricks in the book to make sure he wins, magic or not..
If magic won't work, he will result to desperately trying to insert himself into your life more than he already has. You'll have a personal butler at this point, one begging for your attention and affection,, to think all this started because of a harmless tattoo...
Azul is about to throw up. The world is spinning, he feels like he is about to throw up. This can't be happening, right?? You, you really hate him don't you? Why else would you get those two troublemakers a tattoo but not him...
The desperation gets worse, the longer he thinks about it. He cant stop crying, having to lock himself in the vip lounge so nobody sees how this issue has reduced him to a sobbing little crybaby. The desperation turns somewhat into determination, the urge to write up the best contract ever to make you happy, maybe throw in a little condition where you need to get a matching tattoo with him..
Jamil is about to have another overblot. He, he is the reason? His overblot? He can't, he cant take it. Being the main reason for the tattoo makes him lose his mind. He avoids you for a week, nor being able to look at you without losing his composure and crying on the spot.
Desperation grows, turing ugly. He cant control himself, searching you out after a week of not seeing you. He begs for forgiveness, for you to not hate him, please, he begs you... He needs you, he needs you in his life, he needs you to love and cherish him, to be your number one.
Kalim feels off. This is one of the few times where he doesn't get what he wants. It's an unknown feeling, a hated feeling. He could be fine with anything else, bur a tattoo of your friends? Isn't he your friend too?? Is it because of the overblot that happened at his dorm? He will get you anything if it means that you'll forgive him! Please, he is begging you..
The jealousy grows, turning into an ugly mess. He cant help but hate on the Adeuce duo, hating them for taking you from him. He tries to endlessly gift you anything you look at for more than a second, trying to get you to spend countless hours at scarabia with several parties a week that always end in a romantic carpet ride. He tries really hard, okay? Just let him show you he is the best choise...
Epel is enraged, how dare you? The emotions get too intense, and he storms off. He cant believe you, picking favourites in your group? They may have been there before you but he loves you way more than they could ever love you!
He is in constant state of dissaray the first day, his anger rising the more he thinks about it. The anger stops being directed towards you and instead those two dumbasses, Ace and Deuce. He cant stand their asses! Going straight to battle living shit out of them.
Only, that isn't how it goes for him. He gets his ass kicked with everyone he tries to fight, getting so beat up he can barely stand up straight. Oh well, he can atleast leech off of you to nurse him back to health. You have to, please, he is begging for some alone time with you...
Also please someone help him with getting a new blazer, his old one is currently torn to shreds. The fights he got into wasn't really that good for him, since he is trying to fight people twice his size. Only for you, he would only go so far for you...
Rook feels... nothing. He can't bring himself to feel emotions currently, too stuck up on the tattoo. Sure, it's such a beautiful thing you care enough for someone that you would permanently etch that into your body. But why? Why couldn't it have been him? He is your friend too (he wish he was more to you, but that can wait, he will wait eons for you, only you)...
You feel bad for the man, wondering why he was so down all of the sudden. You still care about him (you care for everyone, they're you're friends after all), deciding to let him stay the night at ramshackle. He is forever grateful for your endless kindness, swearing to get into your good graces just so he can one day also get a tattoo..
Vil is desperate, he is emotional. The pain of not only comming second, but THIRD in your heart, it feels like you are stabbing him over and over again in the heart. He cant breathe, he cant stop the tears wellinh up in his eyes, he cant stop the emotions overflowimg his poor body. Why would you do something so heinous to this poor actor, he only wanted your love...
He has been acting since he was a little kid, yet this time he cant control his emotions, the stakes are too high. Your love is on the line! He can't stand to look himself in the mirror, feeling way too ugly for his emotions, his outbursts, his feelings. He wants to be enough for you, and he will do anything to achieve that..
THERES PART TWO DONE!!! The literal biggest thank you to @artdolliewishes for helping so much and expanding on the au with me!! It means so much to me that someone cares about a project I've done as much as I do :,)
Also I'm very sorry for being so delayed on posting, I went to the ER and all, I swear the students of nrc was trying to kill me lmao
#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland#yandere twst art#yandere twisted wonderland art#yandere floyd leech#yandere floyd leech x reader#yandere jade leech#yandere jade leech x reader#yandere azul ashengrotto#yandere azul ashengrotto x reader#yandere jamil viper#yandere jamil viper x reader#yandere kalim al asim#yandere kalim x reader#yandere kalim al asim x reader#yandere epel felmier#yandere epel felmier x reader#yandere rook hunt#yandere rook hunt x reader#yandere vil schoenheit#yandere vil schoenheit x reader#plumipal the tattoo
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You should be using an RSS reader
On OCTOBER 23 at 7PM, I'll be in DECATUR, GEORGIA, presenting my novel THE BEZZLE at EAGLE EYE BOOKS.
No matter how hard we all wish it were otherwise, the sad fact is that there aren't really individual solutions to systemic problems. For example: your personal diligence in recycling will have no meaningful impact on the climate emergency.
I get it. People write to me all the time, they say, "What can I change about my life to fight enshittification, or, at the very least, to reduce the amount of enshittification that I, personally, experience?"
It's frustrating, but my general answer is, "Join a movement. Get involved with a union, with EFF, with the FSF. Tell your Congressional candidate to defend Lina Khan from billionaire Dem donors who want her fired. Do something systemic."
There's very little you can do as a consumer. You're not going to shop your way out of monopoly capitalism. Now that Amazon has destroyed most of the brick-and-mortar and digital stores out of business, boycotting Amazon often just means doing without. The collective action problem of leaving Twitter or Facebook is so insurmountable that you end up stuck there, with a bunch of people you love and rely on, who all love each other, all hate the platform, but can't agree on a day and time to leave or a destination to leave for and so end up stuck there.
I've been experiencing some challenging stuff in my personal life lately and yesterday, I just found myself unable to deal with my usual podcast fare so I tuned into the videos from the very last XOXO, in search of uplifting fare:
https://www.youtube.com/@xoxofest
I found it. Talks by Dan Olson, Cabel Sasser, Ed Yong and many others, especially Molly White:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTaeVVAvk-c
Molly's talk was so, so good, but when I got to her call to action, I found myself pulling a bit of a face:
But the platforms do not exist without the people, and there are a lot more of us than there are of them. The platforms have installed themselves in a position of power, but they are also vulnerableâŚ
Are the platforms really that vulnerable? The collective action problem is so hard, the switching costs are so high â maybe the fact that "there's a lot more of us than there are of them" is a bug, not a feature. The more of us there are, the thornier our collective action problem and the higher the switching costs, after all.
And then I had a realization: the conduit through which I experience Molly's excellent work is totally enshittification-proof, and the more I use it, the easier it is for everyone to be less enshittified.
This conduit is anti-lock-in, it works for nearly the whole internet. It is surveillance-resistant, far more accessible than the web or any mobile app interface. It is my secret super-power.
It's RSS.
RSS (one of those ancient internet acronyms with multiple definitions, including, but not limited to, "Really Simple Syndication") is an invisible, automatic way for internet-connected systems to public "feeds." For example, rather than reloading the Wired homepage every day and trying to figure out which stories are new (their layout makes this very hard to do!), you can just sign up for Wired's RSS feed, and use an RSS reader to monitor the site and preview new stories the moment they're published. Wired pushes about 600 words from each article into that feed, stripped of the usual stuff that makes Wired nearly impossible to read: no 20-second delay subscription pop-up, text in a font and size of your choosing. You can follow Wired's feed without any cookies, and Wired gets no information about which of its stories you read. Wired doesn't even get to know that you're monitoring its feed.
I don't mean to pick on Wired here. This goes for every news source I follow â from CNN to the New York Times. But RSS isn't just good for the news! It's good for everything. Your friends' blogs? Every blogging platform emits an RSS feed by default. You can follow every one of them in your reader.
Not just blogs. Do you follow a bunch of substackers or other newsletters? They've all got RSS feeds. You can read those newsletters without ever registering in the analytics of the platforms that host them. The text shows up in black and white (not the sadistic, 8-point, 80% grey-on-white type these things all default to). It is always delivered, without any risk of your email provider misclassifying an update as spam:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/10/dead-letters/
Did you know that, by default, your email sends information to mailing list platforms about your reading activity? The platform gets to know if you opened the message, and often how far along you've read in it. On top of that, they get all the private information your browser or app leaks about you, including your location. This is unbelievably gross, and you get to bypass all of it, just by reading in RSS.
Are your friends too pithy for a newsletter, preferring to quip on social media? Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to get an RSS feed from Insta/FB/Twitter, but all those new ones that have popped up? They all have feeds. You can follow any Mastodon account (which means you can follow any Threads account) via RSS. Same for Bluesky. That also goes for older platforms, like Tumblr and Medium. There's RSS for Hacker News, and there's a sub-feed for the comments on every story. You can get RSS feeds for the Fedex, UPS and USPS parcels you're awaiting, too.
Your local politician's website probably has an RSS feed. Ditto your state and national reps. There's an RSS feed for each federal agency (the FCC has a great blog!).
Your RSS reader lets you put all these feeds into folders if you want. You can even create automatic folders, based on keywords, or even things like "infrequently updated sites" (I follow a bunch of people via RSS who only update a couple times per year â cough, Danny O'Brien, cough â and never miss a post).
Your RSS reader doesn't (necessarily) have an algorithm. By default, you'll get everything as it appears, in reverse-chronological order.
Does that remind you of anything? Right: this is how social media used to work, before it was enshittified. You can single-handedly disenshittify your experience of virtually the entire web, just by switching to RSS, traveling back in time to the days when Facebook and Twitter were more interested in showing you the things you asked to see, rather than the ads and boosted content someone else would pay to cram into your eyeballs.
Now, you sign up to so many feeds that you're feeling overwhelmed and you want an algorithm to prioritize posts â or recommend content. Lots of RSS readers have some kind of algorithm and recommendation system (I use News, which offers both, though I don't use them â I like the glorious higgeldy-piggeldy of the undifferentiated firehose feed).
But you control the algorithm, you control the recommendations. And if a new RSS reader pops up with an algorithm you're dying to try, you can export all the feeds you follow with a single click, which will generate an OPML file. Then, with one click, you can import that OPML file into any other RSS reader in existence and all your feeds will be seamlessly migrated there. You can delete your old account, or you can even use different readers for different purposes.
You can access RSS in a browser or in an app on your phone (most RSS readers have an app), and they'll sync up, so a story you mark to read later on your phone will be waiting for you the next time you load up your reader in a browser tab, and you won't see the same stories twice (unless you want to, in which case you can mark them as unread).
RSS basically works like social media should work. Using RSS is a chance to visit a utopian future in which the platforms have no power, and all power is vested in publishers, who get to decide what to publish, and in readers, who have total control over what they read and how, without leaking any personal information through the simple act of reading.
And here's the best part: every time you use RSS, you bring that world closer into being! The collective action problem that the publishers and friends and politicians and businesses you care about is caused by the fact that everyone they want to reach is on a platform, so if they leave the platform, they'll lose that community. But the more people who use RSS to follow them, the less they'll depend on the platform.
Unlike those largely useless, performative boycotts of widely used platforms, switching to RSS doesn't require that you give anything up. Not only does switching to RSS let you continue to follow all the newsletters, webpages and social media accounts you're following now, it makes doing so better: more private, more accessible, and less enshittified.
Switching to RSS lets you experience just the good parts of the enshitternet, but that experience is delivered in manner that the new, good internet we're all dying for.
My own newsletter is delivered in fulltext via RSS. If you're reading this as a Mastodon or Twitter thread, on Tumblr or on Medium, or via email, you can get it by RSS instead:
https://pluralistic.net/feed/
Don't worry about which RSS reader you start with. It literally doesn't matter. Remember, you can switch readers with two clicks and take all the feeds you've subscribed to with you! If you want a recommendation, I have nothing but praise for Newsblur, which I've been paying $2/month for since 2011 (!):
https://newsblur.com/
Subscribing to feeds is super-easy, too: the links for RSS feeds are invisibly embedded in web-pages. Just paste the URL of a web-page into your RSS reader's "add feed" box and it'll automagically figure out where the feed lives and add it to your subscriptions.
It's still true that the new, good internet will require a movement to overcome the collective action problems and the legal barriers to disenshittifying things. Almost nothing you do as an individual is going to make a difference.
But using RSS will! Using RSS to follow the stuff that matters to you will have an immediate, profoundly beneficial impact on your own digital life â and it will appreciably, irreversibly nudge the whole internet towards a better state.
Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/16/keep-it-really-simple-stupid/#read-receipts-are-you-kidding-me-seriously-fuck-that-noise
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Sanemi finding out you pretended to be a boy in order to get trained properly and him falling head over heels for you after
Pairing: Sanemi x fem!reader
Word Count: 4,2k
Synopsis: If there's one thing you always hated, it was being underestimated. Because you're nothing but a petite girl in the eyes of every other demon slayer you stumbled upon with even the sound hashira going easy on you. They left you no choice but to pretend that you're a boy in order to finally get the training you deserve. Little did you know it will be the wind hashira himself who uncovers your dirty secret...
Warnings: it's Sanemi so language, the bonus scene is for those of you who are in desperate need of some spice (no direct smut), last part not proofread because this needs to be published and I'm tired lol
Thank you sooo much for that super cool request, @xxx-oneofthegirls-xxx, I hope you like what I came up with (also, you made me listen to one of the girls nonstop while writing this hehe)
You stare at your foreign reflection in the mirror, cheeks still burning. This looks ridiculous and you know it, your plan so plain and stupid that you regret your decision more and more with each passing second.
But you have to do this.
âDonât overwork yourself, (y/n). Youâll rest here while the others run a few extra miles.â
âBut Tengen-sama, I-â
âHere, letâs get you something to eat!â, Suma cried out.
âYouâre overworking that poor woman, Tengen-samaâ, Mako commented dryly.
âI already told her to take a break!â
Because without pretending that youâre a boy, theyâll never take you seriously. Not when youâre a petite girl, not when everyone treats you like porcelain because of your small frame and gender. You came her because youâre ready to fight, because being a demon slayer is your true destiny. You want to get trained hard, you urge to surpass yourself each and every day.
You stare at your eyes filled with determination in the mirror. Therefore, you need to make sure they see nothing but a normal boy in you.Â
Itâs hard to breathe properly with countless bandages tied around your chest in order to hide your feminine curves to their eyes. Carefully, you tie a ribbon around the ends of your hair and pull them up. Good, now your hair is about shoulder-length. A plain hairband that is convincing enough as a sweat band turns your usual longer hair into a temporary short cut.
Is this enough? Will the mist hashira actually believe you?
Confidently, you change into the uniform you stole from a boy nearby earlier and grab your katana. There is no other way than finding out.
âWhereâs that little girl? Didnât Tengen-sama allow her to continue?â
âHuh, you mean the little wallflower? I bet she gave up when she saw what hashira training really means. She wasnât even strong enough to hold a sword.â
Your heart drops to the floor while your eyes automatically look down in panic and distress. Everyone underestimates you over the sheer fact that youâre a girl. But why? Why would you give up? Why is everyone thinking you arenât strong enough when women like Shinobu Kocho show them how itâs done? You didnât train since you were 4 to get reduced to your gender and height.
No, youâll show them soon enough how good you really are and that youâre no one to be messed with.
âLook at him!â
âWho is that guy?â
âHe fights as good as Tanjiro!â
âIâve never seen him around. Do you know him?â
And you did. Training after training, hashira after hashira. Somehow, you surpassed them all. Despite your small frame, your disadvantage towards the boys with their ability to move freely in the scorching hot sun, you made it.
âIt seems like youâre decent handling your sword. I have no use for you here anymoreâ, Obanai proclaims dryly.
YouâŚyou did it? Youâve been here for 3 days, spent the first day tied to a wall while getting smacked by some useless comrades. But you really convinced him, the serpent hashira, the man a lot of the others were so afraid of.
Your heart jumps up and down in excitement. You convinced him.
âThank youâ, you mumble in reply with deepened voice.
âLetâs see how youâll keep up with Shinazugawa. Now get lost.â
Shinazugawa? Youâve heard that name before. Is thisâŚthe wind hashira? Your eyes widen as you sprint down the forest in the merciless sun. If Iguro Obanai is considered rough, Sanemi Shinazugawa has to be a menace. You heard from countless slayers that went back home as soon as they arrived at his estate, some beaten up so badly that they needed treatment.
For days.
You swallow hard. If this man finds out that youâre not who you pretend to be, youâll be dead. But you have no other choice. After everything youâve been through, you wonât give up because of the wind hashiraâs bad reputation.
âHowâs training going?â, Sanemi mumbles while staring into the distance.
âAll of them are trash. Thereâs only one that is decent, thoughâ, Obanai replies dryly.
âDonât tell me itâs that Kamado brat-â
âNo, Iâve never seen that boy before. No one seems to know who he is. Heâs pretty small for his age and acts even weirder than the others but I canât deny that heâs skilled. Even KanrojiâŚpraised himâ, Obanai presses out.
Heâll definitely never forget you for taking up the space of a full hand-written site in her note to him.
âYou all went too easy on him, then. Iâll mop the floor with his ass when he gets to me.â
âWeâll see about that.â
Your breath gets stuck in your throat. There it is, the estate of the wind hashira. Only him and the stone hashira are left. Only these two until youâre able to drop your false identity and use your newest skills in a real fight. When youâre done here, youâll finally be able to protect your village properly. No demon will ever hurt your friends and family again.
You just have to get through a few more days of training. A few more days with the wind hashiraâŚ
-two days later-
âGet lost, bratsâ, Sanemi barks out in sheer frustration.
Are these losers really supposed to be useful in a fight against Kibutsuji? They arenât even good enough to hold their wooden sword correctly, let alone find the right stance to fight. God, this is such a waste of time, so fucking annoying that he smashes his own wooden sword into the ground roughly.
âFucking useless rabbleâ, he hisses through gritted teeth.
When his blurry sight catches yours, heâs even more infuriated. He really thought the other pillars were too gentle with you. You, with your thin and small frame, with your innocent eyes that almost make you look like a girl. And while you look like the biggest loser of this whole corps, you manage to fight better than all the others.
âEnough of this bullshit, weâre using real swords nowâ, Sanemi barked at you while already grabbing his sharp katana.
âFine.â
You didnât storm towards him, didnât act out of confidence or rage. You stayed so calm that Sanemi didnât know how to act for the split of a second.
The split of a second. This minor moment was enough for you to lift your blade and scratch his cheek ever so slightly.
âDid heâŚJust hit the wind hashira?â
âThis canât be true. A strange guy like him, hitting one of the most powerful demon slayers?â
âYouâŚYou have some fucking nerve, little brat! Iâll make you pay for this!â
Oh, how often he tormented you. Made you stand up in the middle of the night for a fight, forced you to stand up against all your comrades. He pushed you over your limit over and over, made you suffer in a way he never did before.
But you still stand your ground. Still, you grab your wooden sword and follow the others inside at dawn as if nothing happened.
And it simply drives him insane.
âYou, little brat!â
âYes, Shinazugawa-sama?â
Your guts turn in an instant. In contrast to the other hashira training, this feels like a trip to hell and back. It almost seems as if the wind hashira made it his mission to let you suffer more than anyone else. What have you done to deserve his anger? Did you act out of line, aloof? It has to be the fact that you injured his cheek during your fightâŚ
âNever mind. Get out of my sight.â
He doesnât have to tell you twice. Instantly, you turn on your heels and make your way to dinner. Maybe youâll finally have to chance to wash yourself tonight. With all those unexpected training sessions and the wind hashira torturing you until far past midnight, you didnât even find the time to take a bath. Urgh, you canât wait to finally take those bandages off and to wash your itchy scalp. All that sweating without the relief of a jump in the cool lake nearby is definitely hard to endure.
But tonight. Tonight youâll finally get the chance to escape the merciless gaze of Sanemi Shinazugawa.
He doesnât know what keeps him up tonight. Is it the full moon that lights his room, his still enraged heart? Itâs still hard to believe that youâre acting up like this, that you manage to hit him. Out of all the jerks he trained, why does it have to be the smallest and therefore weakest one?
Maybe all he needs is letting his anger out on you. Sanemi storms into the dormitory wearing nothing but a casual yukata. He might hunt you around the lake for a few rounds or lets you practice your sword bows until you turn blue-
But his eyes donât get greeted by your hair sticking out underneath youâre blanket.
âWhere the hell are you, brat?â, he hisses to himself.
âThis feels like heavenâ, you moan to yourself while you dip your head into the cool water.
You never cared about getting covered in mud or dried blood sticking to your skin. But oh, the feeling of cleaning yourself up again after a rough day is just unmatched. Gently, your fingers brush through your wet hair, free yourself from all the dirt of those last days.
When will you be able to return? After that, only the stone hashira is left. How did you manage to land all the way over here? Hiding behind the identity of a boy no one know in order to get treated equally. Your efforts were definitely worth it. With those countless new techniques youâve learned, youâll finally be able to stand up against the demons that haunt down your village on a regular basis. Finally, youâve got the education you deserved.
âYou have to be fucking kidding me.â
All color drains from your face in an instant. You donât have to look past his knees to know who stays right in front of you. Why didnât you hear him coming? How did he manage to show up in front of you without you noticing?
âS-Shinazuwaga-samaâ, you breathe out.
It doesnât matter how he found you. With your hair open and your upper body barely covered by the water, he already saw through your well-hidden secret. Or better said, your lie.
âYouâre so dead.â
You canât escape. In the matter of seconds, he is with you in the water and grabs your wrists roughly.
âYou lied into our faces this whole time?â, he hisses through gritted teeth.
âI had to-â
âYouâre nothing but a little girl!â
âYou left me-â
âWhat else do you have to hide? Are you even a demon slayer? Iâm totally in the mood to kill you right on the spot-â
âYOU LEFT ME NO CHOICEâ, you finally blurt out.
âNo choice? Are you out of your goddamn mind?â
âTengen-sama treated me like porcelain because Iâm a woman, but I didnât want that! I wanted to train like the boys do, I wanted to suffer like everyone else! How am I supposed to become a decent swordswoman when everyone goes easy on me because of my gender!?â
âYouâŚYou lied to us.â
âI did.â
âYou arenât a guy.â
âIâm not.â
Thick silence hangs between both of you, only interrupted by sharp and heavy breaths. What now? Will he send you away in dishonor or even worse, exclude you from the corps completely? Youâve worked so hard to even get accepted, poured your heart and soul into those past days. All of this, vanishing in thin air?
âPlease donât send me awayâ, you finally press out.
âAre you dumb? Ainât no way Iâm letting you stay-â
âI canât return home in dishonor. I did all of this to be able to protect my family and village. If I return home like thisâŚâ
You canât finish your sentence, your throat suddenly feeling so tight that you even fail to breathe.
âGet out of my sight.â
âBut I-â
âI said get out of my sight!â, he screams on top of his lungs.
You flinch backwards and almost trip into the water. Talking doesnât do much. If youâre not leaving the next few seconds, he might drown you.
With a heavy heart you leave the water, carefully hiding behind a tree until youâre fully dressed again.
âWhatâs your real name?â, he shouts towards you harshly.
âMy name is (y/n)â, you mutter, not daring to look into his cold eyes.
And then you stumble back. Back into the dormitory you know so well by now. Back into what might be the last night at the demon slayer corps for you.
âRemember that skilled guy you told me about?â, Sanemi mumbles while staring at the ground.
âYeah. What about him?â
âItâs not him. Sheâs a fucking girl that pretended to be a guy.â
It still feels like a feverish dream. Why did nobody realize sooner? Not even himselfâŚGod, heâs such an idiot for not throwing you out instantly. You lied straight into his face, you lied to the whole demon slayer corps all this time. You deserve to leave, you deserve all that hatred and disgust.
âThatâs actually quite impressive. How did you find out?â, Obanai comments dryly.
âI caught her bathing. Said she didnât want to get differently because sheâs a girl.â
Just the thought of seeing you there lit by nothing but moonlight, your long hair draped like a veil around you and your female curves he didnât even know existedâŚ
âThat are some unexpected news. Do the others know?â
âI wonât tell âem. Iâll kick her out the corps when I return.â
âWhy kicking her out? No matter if boy or girl, you canât deny sheâs the most promising one until now. Why not keeping her?â
âKeeping her?â, Sanemi repeats in sheer disbelief.
âAinât no way Iâll ever speak to a filthy little liar like her again.â
âHer plan worked, though. And I hate to admit it, but she did pretty good.â
Sanemiâs furious eyes dart towards Obanai in nothing but frustration. You fooled every single hashira until now. You hold so much potential that eventuallyâŚWould you survive as his tsugoko?
âIâll leaveâ, he finally speaks out before turning his back on Obanai and storming away.
What the hell is he supposed to do?
How utterly dumb you feel sitting on that porch with your wet hair still open in the cool breeze far past midnight. You have no idea where he went, if heâs out to inform the head of the corpse about your behavior or even worse, your own family. Is it too early to pack your few belongings, to leave before he comes back? You definitely canât stand another round of getting yelled at by the wind hashira.
âWhat are you doing here outside, brat?â
Fuck. He steps out of the darkness like an unpromising shadow with his face as hard as stone.
âI canât sleep anywayâ, you murmur.
âIâm so fucking mad at you for shitting me like this. Pretending youâre a guy while youâre just a girl.â
âIâm not just a girlâ, you clarify sharply.
âShut the fuck up. Youâre a lying little brat but-â
He takes a deep breath in while sitting down next to you.
âBut youâve got what it takes. Iâve been looking for a decent tsugoko for quite some time now and-â
You canât believe your ears. This man canât possibly be the wind hashira you know by now, the man who looked like heâll drown you any minute just a few hours ago. He canât suggest to take you in as his tsugoko, right? Thereâs absolutely no way this man wants to train you on a regular basis-
âAnd maybe youâre that decent fit.â
Oh.
âMe, as your tsugokoâ, you repeat his words in order to make them sound real.
âIâll still kick your ass for lying into my face like that, thoughâ, he adds aggressively.
Never in your life would you ever dreamed of being the apprentice of a hashira. You always worked hard, always made sure to develop your skills with everything you do, but being considered a tsugoko? Of the wind hashira, who never takes in a student? Who seems so rough and cruel but allowed you to handle your katana even better?
âIâd love thatâ, you finally breathe out.
âIâm beyond thankful youâre e-â
âShut up immediately. A yes is enough. Youâll stay here with me, then.â
âY-yes, Shinazugawa-sama!â
âNo go to sleep, I canât beat your ass when youâre tiredâ, he mumbles before getting up and leaving while your feelings are still over the place.
You, the tsugoko of Sanemi Shinazugawa?
-a few months later-
âGimme your best shot now, brat!â, he barks at you.
Sweat runs down your forehead like a waterfall, your heavy panting tasting like blood. Just one more hit, one more strike and youâll get him.
âThunder breathing, fourth form-â
âToo slowâ, he comments next to your ear.
Within the split of a second, you find yourself just inches away from the dirty ground with Sanemiâs arms keeping you from falling.
âStill not fast enough. Do it again.â
Mindlessly, he still drops you into the dirt with his sword casually draped over his shoulder.
You lift yourself off the ground with trembling limbs. There you are again, deep within your trip to hell and back. What you expected when agreeing on being the tsugoko of Sanemi Shinazugawa?
You grab the handle of your sword even tighter and storm towards just like you did hundreds of times before with the smallest of smiles creeping up your features.
Well, exactly that.
-steaming hot bonus: meeting in the lake at night-
You allow the cool water to caress your countless wounds gently. How good it feels to finally bathe every single day instead of once every few days. When the truth came out and everyone started to realize that you arenât a boy, you regained a part of your freedom along with the merciless training of the wind hashira. Each and every day, he tortured you and others with his cruel training methods before you slide into the lake before the sun sets and go straight back to sleep.
Not today, though. It has to be almost midnight by now, the stars in the sky glimmering so magnificent that you canât look away. Sanemi allowed you to visit your family and friends today. As you have learned, demon attacks have subsided since the sister of Tanjiro Kamado mastered the sun. And even though that means your loved ones will be safe, you canât deny the slight turn of your guts. This means a war is around the corner, that Muzan Kibutsuji himself might come for all of you.
But this is nothing you should think about now. Not when you just returned and desperately longed for a bath. You dip your head into the cold water, moan to yourself as the water surrounds you fully-
âWhat the hell are you doing here, brat?â
Sanemi.
Out of instinct you cry out while burying everything except for your head inside the dark water. Youâre butt-naked. How long has he been here already? AndâŚhas he seen you? Suddenly your whole body feels hot against the cool water around, cheeks turning dark red.
âCalm down, idiot-â
âHow long have you been here already!?â
âWhat? Iâm always taking a bath around this time. Youâre the one who shouldnât be hereâ, he clarifies dryly.
There he stands. Droplets of water run down his bare chest and almost make him shimmer in the moonlight. His wet hair stick to his face so delicately that you canât force yourself to look away. He looksâŚhot.
Hot?
âI-uhâŚI just returned fromâŚhomeâ, you stutter.
âHope your family is fineâ, he mumbles along with slicking his hair back.
Within these past months, youâve caught a glimpse of Sanemi youâve never witnessed before. This man isnât as cruel as everybody makes him look, his words arenât always meant as harsh as they sound. Sanemi has a very tender side. Especially when his eyes soften for the blink of a moment, you couldnât help but feel lost.
âThey are. Apparently, the incidents with demons involved lessened when I departedâ, you press out.
God, youâre acting ridiculous and you know it. Sanemi is your teacher, your training partner. Even though youâre living under the same roof (he even gave you an own room), there arenât any romantical feelings between both of you.
âGood to hear. Iâll let you rest a little tomorrow morning. You have to be dead tired.â
âIâm fineâ, you lie in an instant.
Truth is, youâre so drained out that the water is the only thing thatâs able to keep your knees for failing you at the moment. Not only from your journey, but all those countless harsh training sessions, dueling yourself over and over with Sanemi and the others. But youâd never admit it, would never say it out loud.
âYouâre probably the baddest liar out there. Your cheeks are red as hell, (y/n)â, Sanemi comments dryly.
You donât dare to move when he stretches out his hand. Enough to gently caress your cheek, enough to cause an explosion in your stomach.
Did Sanemi just touch you? Tenderly?
âIâŚN-noâŚIâŚâ
You canât find the words. In fact, you are too distracted to care about something like words. Slowly but surely, he draws closer with his perfectly formed chest exposed to your hungry eyes.
â(y/n), IâŚThereâs actually something I wantedâŚWellâŚFuck!â
Is that really Sanemi Shinazugawa, stumbling over his own words? And why is it him whoâs blushing at the moment?
These past few months made it really easy for you to actually respect the wind hashira. Not only his frightful skills when handling the sword, but just him. Him, when heâs brushing the fur of the cat that visits his estate from time to time. Him, when he tucks you into your blanket when assuming youâre already asleep. Him, when checking on you in his own unique way.
How ridiculous to even think about him like that, to even allow your heart to jump up and down in joy. But you canât help yourself. Despite the way you despised him when the two of you first met, you really started to love this man with all your heart.
â(y/n), youâre a pretty decent womenâ, he begins again while drawing closer.
âWell, IâŚThank you?â
A decent woman? Is that what he thinks about you?
âI still canât believe you lied to me about being a girl, thoughâ, he barks at you.
Oh.
You hate the way your heart drops. Were you really dumb enough so think he might have something to say, that he might tell you he has feelings for you as well? How ridiculous, how absolutely dumb.
âI think I should get going. Itâs been a long dayâ, you mumble.
Itâs probably the best to get away from here as soon as possible. But just when you start moving towards the shore, his hand grabs your arm tightly and twirls you around.
Right against his bare chest.
âDonât you dare leaving now, bratâ, he hisses through gritted teeth.
âIâŚthereâs something I wanna tell youâŚâ
âWhy are you acting like a child?â, you finally spit at him yourself.
Oh, youâre having enough of all those ups and downs. Especially today, when youâre totally drained out already. You really donât have the nerve for him to pick on you again, not when his last statement lies like a heavy stone in your stomach-
âActing like a child?â, he challenges you.
Just before his lips crash into yours.
Longingly, Sanemi wraps his strong arms around you, devours you against his body while all youâre able to do is holding onto his broad shoulders for dear life.
ThisâŚis really happening, right? This is really Sanemi, pressing his lips against yours over and over again while your naked skin brushes against his?
âYouâre fucking driving me insane, bratâ, he mumbles against your lips before grabbing you even tighter.
âSince the moment I realized you arenât a boy.â
He grabs you by your waist firmly, your naked skin rubbing against his sixpack almost making you lose everything thatâs left of your self-control.
âI canât get you out of my head.â
Your hands wander around his biceps, feel the deep valleys of his muscular back. God, this feels so good â almost too good to be true. But even if this is nothing but a dream, youâll enjoy every minor movement, every sweet moment until you open your eyes again.
But when you do, you donât find yourself in the comforting darkness of your room. No, his eyes glimmer like molten iron when staring down at you in the moonlight, his hot breath brushing against your wet face so seductive that you threaten to lose your balance.
âStill saying Iâm acting like a child, brat?â
#kny#kny x reader#kny x female reader#kny x y/n#kny x you#kny fanfic#demon slayer#demon slayer x reader#demon slayer kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer x female reader#demon slayer x you#demon slayer x y/n#demon slayer fanfic#demon slayer hashira#hashira x reader#kimetsu#kimetsu x you#kimetsu x reader#kimetsu no yaiba x reader#kimetsu no yaiba#kimetsu sanemi#sanemi shinaguzawa#sanemi shinazugawa#sanemi x reader#sanemi x you#kny sanemi#demon slayer sanemi#sanemi fluff#kny shinazugawa#demon slayer shinazugawa
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scarlet nexus is a game that makes me feel smart. idk if my literacy skills just got better or people r dumb and snx is actually easy to understand cuz it is not rare that i get absolutely bamboozled by how people interpret some plot points
#ok barrage of spoilery stuff coming in these tags#butâŚ#âwhy are they talking to people who tried to kill them??â#they have never wanted to kill each other it just seemed like thatâs the way it had to be#âyuito lets kasane off easily because heâs a huge simpâ#their relationship is never presented romantically and he excuses her because heâs just Really Nice To People#also back to the killing each other thing you gotta remember when everyone all had regular bond eps#like kyoka apologizing to yuito about fighting him in one of their bond eps#meanwhile one of kasane and yuitoâs bond eps is literally kasane blocking yuito from texting her lol#and like kasane platoon is not kasane. why canât people process that characters have thoughts and motives different than their team leaders#also thereâs karen and alice stuff#but iâm pretty sure people put those complaints out without watching ep18 of the anime and dlc3#also both hanabi haters and likers reducing character to loving yuito which like#i get that itâs brought up super often and i am a big yuito/hanabi fan too butâŚshe has other aspects of her character too??#anyways enough rambling. just felt like talking a lot tonight#kfurne talk
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Why I appreciate Kabru and Mithrun's relationship in the story (with pictures!)
I just want to express how much I loved reading through the chapter with the 6 days they spent together and how I think their relationship developed in a pretty sweet way.
I feel like a lot of people reduce their dynamic to "nurse and patient" and that makes me sad because I personally got a lot more from it than that.
I do wanna start off by saying I'm here appreciating their dynamic as it is in the text.
Read more (spoilers ofc):
The beginnings
When they first met, there was an air of intimidation surrounding Mithrun as the captain of the ominous Canaries. He demonstrates his proficiency as a fighter and leader which worried Kabru because he knew it would lead to the dungeon falling into elven hands once again. But this threatening aura begins to dim in Kabru's mind as they get to know each other.
Even before they fell down the hole, the both of them ended up relying on each other's abilities a number of times (when the underground governor turned out to be corrupted Mithrun defeated him and Mithrun needed Kabru's deduction skills during the battle on the first floor) which is already the beginning of a great dynamic
(Kabwu is scared but Mithrun just asks for his help)
After Cithis tasked him with "taking care of Mithrun's needs" for the time being, Kabru treated Mithrun with proper respect and doesn't take advantage of his disability, even using his title âCaptainâ when he knew Mithrun wouldnât have cared either way after learning about how he lost his desires. This is in contrast to Cithis who immediately took advantage of her position to mess around with Mithrun when she was taking care of him.
(When Cithis was put in charge of taking care of Mithrun)
The whole time Kabru is with Mithrun, he treats him like a person and more than just someone to be taken care of, as also he relies on Mithrun's fighting skills, knowledge of the dungeon, and teleportation magic.
When you reduce their dynamic to just "caretaker and patient", you're ignoring Mithrun's own capabilities and making him seem totally helpless. It actually feels rather ableist. They have a more balanced relationship with what Mithrun brings to the table than you may think. Mithrun couldn't have survived down there on his own, but it's the same for Kabru (who famously dies every time he fights)!
Kabru doesnât show signs of trying to manipulate Mithrun either, and he's no longer intimidated by him in the slightest once he learns heâs not a threat or after his life. Though he does instinctively revert to his "sparkly" persona to get Mithrun to eat the disgusting mushroom, it doesnât work so Kabru just has him eat it normally and never tries it again. This is the beginning of Mithrun unintentionally encouraging Kabru to be more honest with others.
(Kabru realizing he can chill out)
(Kabru being unreserved and Mithrun being silly)
bonus funny moment:
Bonding
Throughout the journey they talked to each other, shared things with each other, and ate with each other. And Kabru expresses genuine concern about whether Mithrun is comfortable (which is something he could live without and wasn't something the Canaries told him to do).
(Kabru showing he wants to make him comfortable by making food for him which is a very important part of the narrative)
(Kabru sharing intimate memories with Mithrun)
(Kabru initiating conversation without hesitation or worry. This part also is referencing how Mithrun shared very important details of his life with Kabru. Kabru also ends up trusting Mithrun with information about Laios despite knowing he could possibly tell the other Canaries about him and impede his plans..which he does lol they do end up knowing about Laios before meeting him.)
For a bonus Lycion implies Kabru was taking better care of Mithrun than they had been which is interesting to me.
Mithrun also shows that he has come to trust Kabru's decisions over the Canaries' when he says he wants to stay in the dungeon after fulfilling the caretaker requirement. They did talk to each other a lot, during that time. I wonder what Mithrun's Shapeshifter double of Kabru would look like now?
Here, Kabru goes out of his way to make sure Mithrun doesnât overexert himself by knocking him out after the demon leaves with Marcille (again, when his time taking care of him is already over), and I think that demonstrates an extra level of concern he holds for Mithrun.
(Kabru holding back a hellbent Mithrun)
(KNOCKOUT!)
He even managed to make Mithrun mad. It's probably because he "let the demon get away" but I think it's cute and funny because would he huff like that at anyone else? Lol
When the demon breaks through the surface
Kabru begins panicking after Laios turns into the giant monster because he's wondering if he made the right decisions etc. If Mithrun didnât care about Kabru at least a little bit, he wouldâve just left him alone when he started losing it (right after Marcille did the same thing and she is technically more to blame for empowering the demon than Kabru was for not allowing Mithrun to go after it), but he went out of his way to snap him out of it.
It also means a lot to me that Mithrun even says Kabru's name, because in Japanese you can go your entire life without referring to someone by name and it wouldn't sound wrong (just rude) and it's the first time Mithrun says Kabru's name on screen (I checked).
Though it was with a slap, I think it says a lot, because if Mithrun didnât care at all he wouldnât have done anything and left him alone. It's not like Kabru could've done anything to stop the demon. He didn't even to tell him to do anything even though Kabru looked ready for an order.
(To be honest I don't know exactly why Mithrun starts beating him up here but you can say it's another rare demonstration of emotion Kabru was able to evoke in him lol. Maybe it's payment for Kabru stopping him the first time. That can be interpreted as paying it back and/or paying it forward I think.)
The last few chapters
And in the end when Kabruâs motivating Mithrun to continue living his life, he speaks to him like theyâre friends/have no rank between them despite using the Captain title for him the whole time. Even Lycion initially gets upset that heâs acting âtoo familiarâ with Mithrun.
It feels like Mithrun changed so much in the short time he spent together with Kabru and before the final battle, and itâs thanks to Kabru that Mithrun finally starts to be able to move past his lingering obsession with the demon and begin to really heal.
This is despite the fact that he spent so much time with Milsril and the other elves who never managed to break through to him like that.
(Before Kabru) (After Kabru)
And even after his role as Mithrun's caretaker was loong complete, he still shows concern for Mithrun and tells him to take a break when he's using up all his magic to slice the Falin meat (lmao).
He didn't need to do that! But it shows how he at least slightly considers Mithrun some kind of friend.
It all culminates with Kabru helping Mithrun regain his wil to live and Mithrun confiding in Kabru. Their relationship is important. Kabru continuing to do things for Mithrun to me is more of a sign that he just plain cares about him. Isn't it normal when a friend needs medication for you to remind them to take it? I think it's like that.
Kabru is there with Mithrun when he comes out about his feelings of uselessness AND when Senshi helps him put a spin on the 'vegetable scraps' metaphor and he find meaning in his life again. He's the first one to see him cry :')
Along with the fact that it feels like Mithrun is the first person we see Kabru doesn't feel the need to change his personality with or put on airs for since Mithrun doesn't need buttering up and he won't get offended if someone were to say something socially awkward, I think they made a pretty good team!
BUT ALSO the REAL reason I became endeared to them is cute shit like this:
GOD I love them!!!!! There are so many funny sides to Mithrun Kabru was able to bring out, and really show his charm as a character. Mithrun also brings out the best in Kabru while Kabruâs the most genuine heâs been since his debut with Mithrun. We are able to see that heâs just a kind and caring person, rather than the shady obsessed guy most fans have come to believe him to be.
The true depths of their dynamic also grew on me over time :)
TLDR
All in all itâs so nice seeing how even though Mithrun is a really deadpan person, and Kabru is a really secretive and withheld person, they clearly seem to have developed some kind of bond while they traveled together and even changed each other to an extent.
Doesn't Kabru feel more honest near the end? Maybe it's because of how much he talked to and shared with Mithrun during those 6 days so candidly...because they taaaalked a looooot like wow.
They mean so goddamn much to me. I donât need them to be in a romantic relationship but I do want them to be together forever :'))) or like at least hang out when they have off time since they're still in the same country lol. Praying for Kui to make another side comic of them some time (crying).
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I mostly arranged this because it makes me sad to see people reduce their dynamic to only one singular aspect.
Anyways ya...love 'em (heart hands)
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#mithrun#kabru#kabumisu#MITHRUN DESERVES MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS TOO DAMMIT!!!!!#i wasn't gonna ship tag it buuut w/e#omg i just came up w something#you can reduce their dynamic...but all you'd end up with...is a nice sauce#for like..steak..get it? reduction..cooking..no ok#also for an extra i think it's highly unlikely kabru met mithrun as a kid because he showed NO signs of recognizing him when they met#like KABRU of all people would remember lol
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i might be signing my death warrant by saying this, but just because annabeth is strong doesnât mean percy is weak. annabeth was a lot more skilled in combat than percy when he first arrived at camp because he hadnât had any training yet, whereas annabeth already had five years of training. but percy got better at fighting over time. he and annabeth are a battle couple and neither of them is significantly stronger than the other to the point that they would be helpless without them. reducing percy to just annabethâs dumbass boyfriend doesnât make annabeth look smarter. theyâre both smart, just in different ways. annabeth calls percy âseaweed brainâ as a lighthearted joke, she doesnât legitimately think heâs stupid. annabeth canonically thinks of percy as the bravest person she knows. percyâs very good at coming up with battle strategies on the spot, he just doesnât think through how dangerous they are and impulsively does them. all that saying percy would be lost without annabeth does for annabethâs character is strip her of her complexity and reduce her to just a Strong Female Character. annabeth has more depth than that. she ran away from home when she was 7 years old, meaning she had to become strong and self-reliant at an age where she should not have needed to be. i would never deny that annabeth is very strong, smart, and powerful because she is, but letting her be flawed and emotionally vulnerable and sometimes rely on others for support doesnât change that.
tl;dr: the percabeth where annabeth is the #girlboss One With The Braincell and percy is just her Idiot Boyfriend is fanon and reductive to both their characters.
#percabeth#percy and annabeth#percy jackson#annabeth chase#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo#pjo hoo toa#percy pjo#pjo fandom
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Isagi yoichi & dumbfication!!! I just need to turn this man in a dumb whore for dick (top!male reader)
đđ¨đ đ đđ¨đ đ đđ¨đ đ
pairing. male reader x isagi yoichi
warnings. amab!reader, top!reader, bottom!isagi, anal sex, bondage, dumbfication, humiliation, crying, overstimulation, squirt, ahegao, cumming inside, a lot of 'petnames' (doll, baby, whore, slut, stupid, boytoy), (+bonus: Isagi has a small penis)
a/n. dumbfication is just đŠđ¤ (and as you guys can see I'm still very creative with titles) and this is unedited
Isagi was easily the most beautiful thing in the world when beneath you, pliable under your hands, completely limp and unable to put up a fight even if he wanted. A life-size inflatable doll for you to play with.
He was usually talkative even in bed, telling you to hurry up while interrupting himself to comment on how strange it felt to be penetrated and how he could never get used to the feeling of having something inside him. All the talk, however, immediately died on his tongue when you slid in, slowly, so that he could feel every inch of you causing a burning sensation as it stretched his only briefly prepared hole.
It felt like a routine, pride making him unable to admit how much he truly loved it and then, the sensual curve of his back leaving the mattress as you reached the bottom, completely engulfed in the heat of the tight walls. The words became stutters and soon, it was as if all of Isagi's rationality had disappeared, only leaving him with erotic moans and whimpers that reminded you a lot of an animal in heat.
âUghh- aah~â Isagi's mouth hung open, allowing the pink tongue to hang out over his bottom lip. Saliva ran down his chin and he seemed lost in his own world as his lean, flexible body was used by you. He was beautiful like that, no thought in mind other than how unbearable the pressure felt inside him, the pounding in his hole reaching so deep that you just knew he could feel you rearranging his insides.
His hands were stretched over his head, the blue rope the same shade as his teary eyes keeping them tied to the headboard. Before forgetting how to speak, he had begged you to let go and let him touch you and touch himself â 'you know I can't cum without touching my dick,' he had argued.
But now, Isagi's cock drooled against his stomach, semen from his three untouched orgasms drying there countering that.
The memory of his words amused you. âFor someone who said that could only cum if he touched his own dick, you look completely ridiculous right now,â you canât help but mock your boyfriend, reduced to a sensitive, overstimulated mess in mere minutes. âA liar, that's what you are Yoichi. A liar and a whore for dick.â You punctuated your last words with deep, sharp thrusts, delighting in the wet sound Isagi's hole made whenever your cock sank into him and how his entire body convulsed as if he'd been shocked.
Isagi's blue eyes seemed unfocused and when all that responded back to you was a strangled, stuttered, "p-pl-ea- aawn... -se," you couldn't help but laugh, feeling your cock twitch inside Isagi at how pathetic he sounded, just to you.
âItâs okay, donât talk, you donât need to talk,â you said, calming his shameful attempts at forming words. Your tone, however, is sadistic and amusing, full of mockery. âYou just have to stay there and let yourself be used, that's what you're good at, isn't it? To be my fuck toy, my fleshlight? And I donât even need to touch that useless little dick of yours to make you cum, just fuck your ass, like the good slut you are.â
Your words found a target and Isagi could only nod, gratefully accepting the permission to not need to think or try to speak. He just needed to be your dumb little slut, nothing more.
Adorable, really.
Isagi was always thinking a lot during matches, his mind was always racing a mile a minute, studying the field, his opponents and forming strategies. But now he didn't need to do anything, nothing at all. Nothing was all you wanted from him, how ironic.
Isagi whimpered, sweet hole clenching around your cock and you immediately recognized the tension coursing through his firm legs and toes curling in the most erotic way in the world. Your hips reacted on their own, darting in and out of the hot, wet tightness. âYour hole is squeezing me so much, do you want to cum for me again, doll? Come on, let go. Show me how good you can be to me, coming just for a few dirty words.â
And like the ridiculous and obedient little thing he is, Isagi obeys. The orgasm comes like a wave, fast, unpredictable and crashing against him with surprising force. There is no slow build or sensations building to the breaking point. One second Isagi is drooling over himself and making shameful attempts to meet your thrusts and the next, tears are streaming down his flushed, sweaty face, a violent tremor making his whole body convulse and his little pink dick jumps, twitches and expels a stream of clear, odorless liquid that seems like it will never end.
The bed quickly becomes wet beneath him and the crying grows louder as the embarrassment seems to set in. Isagi moves from side to side, pulling on the rope that keeps his hands tied as he seems to try to escape the stimulation. It's a vain attempt. He looks so pornographic that all you can do is grab his ass, forcing him to remain lying on his side in the new position while you fuck him mercilessly, fingers grabbing the soft, pale flesh; pulling to allow you to see the little hole greedily swallowing your cock.
âThatâs it, boytoy, let go,â you speak through gritted teeth, breathing quickening as you feel your own orgasm quickly approaching at the glipse of isagiâs lewd expression: blue eyes beautifully rolled back, tongue lolling out of his mouth. âNothing wrong with making a mess like the stupid little thing you are, wetting the whole bed.â
Isagi opened and closed his mouth several times, tears and drool wetting his pretty face as he struggled to speak through the moans: âah- I-I... you c-cum...â
âWhat is this, baby? Do you want me to cum in you? Want me to fill your dirty hole?â
His body had already stopped obeying his will and all he could do was moan in response, trying unsuccessfully to communicate.
And what kind of boyfriend would you be if you denied him that?
You sped up, sweat prickling against your bare skin and heat seeming to eat you raw, your heavy breathing covered by the sounds Isagi made. It felt like fire licking his veins; you could feel your pulse racing in your dick, pleasure hitting you as your member pulsed and spilled deep inside Isagi.
âAgh! Ahh!â A broken scream died in Isagi's mouth as heat fill his insides. The possessive complaint made a muscle in his thigh pull, more liquid joining the mess on the bed.
You lean over him, searching for his mouth. The teeth clack together briefly before your tongues meet in a filthy, messy kiss. You swallow the saliva, salty tears and Isagi's moans, nails digging into his skinny ass as you continue to move in and out of him, riding out your orgasm and brutally fucking your cum deep into him, wanting to force him to accept every drop, wanting permanently leave the mark of your belonging on his body. You wished that afterwards, even after take a bath, Isagi could still feel the phantom sensation of your seed inside him, filling him and marking him as your dumb little whore.
How much better would it be if Isagi gave up his football career and lived just for that, to be used 24/7 by you.
#x male reader#x top reader#x male top reader#x top male reader#blue lock x male reader#blue lock x you#blue lock smut#blue lock x reader#isagi x reader#bllk isagi#isagi x you#isagi yoichi x reader#isagi yoichi x you#isagi yoichi smut#isagi yoichi x y/n#isagi x y/n#isagi x male reader#isagi yoichi x male reader#bllk x reader#bllk smut#bllk x you#bllk x male reader#dumbification#dom male reader#sub character#sub isagi yoichi
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⧠Fantasies in the dark
⌠Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Female!Reader ⌠Summary: In which Arthur catches a glimpse of your intimacy, the vision driving him into madness until he finally decides to give in to his urges. ⌠Warnings: SMUT 18+, MDNI! Masturbation, nudity, voyeurism (reader not aware he's staring), self-depreciation, and lots of shame from this poor man. Arthur's pov. ⌠Words: 2,7k Arthur's pic is mine, others are from Pinterest. And as always, as English isn't my first language, prepare for some possible misspellings. Read on AO3
Lately, Arthur had a problem. An incessant, disturbing, haunting problem.
He couldnât sleep at night.
This could have been related to the gangâs precarious situation, being hunted down by the Pinkertons and surrounded by enemy gangs, OâDriscolls and Lemoyne raiders everywhere. Or even because of some older wounds, the loss of Eliza and Isaac amongst others, reminded almost every day by the complicated family portrait John painted with Abigail and Jack. Or the hurtful thought of the life he never had with Mary that was always following him since he had seen her again near Valentine. Life doomed from the start by his inherent violence and the mountain of corpses he was responsible for.
Arthur had plenty of reasons not to sleep at night. But this wasnât because of any of that.
He couldnât sleep because of you.Â
Not that it was your fault. In fact, you didnât even know about any of that and Lord have mercy, he was praying that youâll never find out; because he would never be able to look at you in the eyes then.
A few weeks ago, the gang had settled at Clemenâs Point. A rather pretty spot just near the lake, and not so far from town. But it wasnât exactly the place that was causing him trouble. It was the unexpected view he was having from his tent.
For some unknown, mystical reasons, Miss Grimshaw while deciding the campâs ajancement had decided to place your tent right next to his. Not so big of a problem at first sight, right?
Except that you were a night owl combined with the suffocating warmth of the place. Making you get to bed naked.
Oh, Arthur knew you do, because every night, every single one, you let a candle lit to read, or write, or God knows what before sleeping. The light casts your shadow against the tentâs canvas. The shadow of your very much nude body.
The first night Arthur had noticed, he had come back exhausted from a job in the middle of the night and laid on his cot without even taking the time to remove his boots or hat. A very usual and typical slice of his life, which lately felt more and more like a terribly used one. As if all these slices were repeating again and again. An accumulation of jobs and missions and robberies and fights; deceiving, lying, stealing, killing. Over and over again, going round and round. At night, he was reduced to a slumbered mind in a spent body, that was definitely becoming old and rusty. Already half asleep, mud and twigs surrounding his tired limbs, his thoughts all tangled up like a ball of wool, he had turned his head to his left, reaching from instinct for his pack of cigarettes on the little table next to his bed. Another slice of bad habits from a bad life.
Thatâs how his eyes had met with this quite erotic shape displayed on your tent.
Said eyes had grown so big that it had fully woken him up all of a sudden, as quickly as if someone had dumped a bucket of iced water on his shocked face. After half of a second of pure stabbing surprise and incomprehension with his hand hanged in the air, his breath stuck in his throat as if really being punched in the gut, he instantly turned his eyes back to the ceiling of his own tent. Cheeks burning red, heart pounding, as if someone had caught him in the act of doing a terribly shameful thing. Exactly as if he had really seen you naked.
He had feverishly grabbed the cigarette pack without looking at it, gaze refusing to turn again, these two blue diamonds locked on the ceiling of his tent, and had messily pulled one out of it, his shaky fingers fumbling, almost spilling everything on the ground.
He must have looked so damn ridiculous.
The smoke helped him to calm down, its soothing and comforting feeling spreading and burning through his lungs. He had fallen asleep, turned to the other side facing the wagon, trying not to think too much about the peek of your intimacy he had witnessed, telling himself it probably was going to be an isolated incident.Â
But of course, of course the Lord had to torment him even in the rare moments of peace he could have enjoyed.
Turns out this was apparently a habit of yours.Â
To be honest, he probably deserved to be tormented. But this was years from what he had in mind when it came to the Lord's punishment for his life of crimes.
And Arthur, even though a hardened man in many ways, able to lock lips during torture, kill men with bare hands, and stay emotionally strong in any kind of situation, was still only, after all, a man. A man with needs.
Filthy, disgusting needs.
He had tried to resist. Had tried not to let his eyes slip in your direction like that first night. Sometimes he would allow himself a quick glance, just to check if you were wearing any clothes for once, like a normal person. And maybe the night after would be different? Every evening spent at camp, his pupils would end up brushing the sinful silhouette in just a soft, slight sight, as if not to scare you, as if not to feel too bad about it.
But it was getting harder and harder not to stare. The easy lies about just checking on you or looking at anything else in the same area as your tent to have the chance of winning a glimpse of you would soon not be enough.
Just the mere fact that he knew you were completely bare, only a few meters away from him, singly the thin and superficial fabric of the tent between the both of you, was getting him hard and sweaty, and making his blood boil as a virgin teenage boy would. He could almost physically feel it, like a burning presence in his back when he was sleeping head against the wagon's wall.
The Human mind may be well designed for a lot of things; it forgets an event too hard to carry or can trick you into thinking you're not experiencing any physical pain in extreme situations. But Arthur had learned that it was extremely poorly made when it came to ignoring something. The more he was trying to not think about his unholy urges, the more he ended up being plagued with them. As sure as the seasons always turned in circles, you would come back to his effusive psyche.
And Oh, he was ashamed. Ashamed and revolted by himself. This was absolutely not in his habits, all the contrary. Yes, he was an old miserable bastard who had killed and plundered. But for God's sake, he had never acted obscene towards a lady before.
But the shame wasn't enough for him to stop. On the nights when the guilt was at its lowest âwhen the tediousness of his days was nibbling at his patience, he had let his eyes wander to your sinful figure, telling himself that maybe if he did, he could just go on with his night and finally rest. Just a quick taste, not too long.
But it only made things worse. It made him dream of you.Â
Dream of you stripped, his imagination taking the lead of what the tentâs fabric was preventing him from seeing. Dream of you moaning, taking him so tightly, welcoming him in your warm body and into your arms. Dream of the feeling of your skin under his fingertips, of the sight of your naked body squirming with pleasure. He would now often wake up frustrated and angry, if he had succeeded in sleeping at all, his member hard and throbbing on its own, his heart beating powerfully in his chest as if it had been real. His pants and blanket had even been damped one or two times.Â
What was he, a fifteen-year-old boy again? He was so angry and mortified by the physical obsession his body was having with you that he was constantly in a foul and fiery mood;Â bitter with everyone, his tension leaking into every movement and every word he spoke. He started missing targets when shooting, getting even more reckless and hot-headed during jobs, jobs often ending up missed or taken care of negligently, yelling at people when they werenât fast enough, or clever enough, or silent enough, breaking things, breaking rules. The lack of sleep was making his deadly efficiency fade away, replaced by sloppy and messy gestures, stopping enemies from falling dead at his feet like his lethal skills always did, castrating the only thing that was left of his masculinity.
And yet, he couldnât stop watching you from afar during the time he was at camp, telling himself he knew, or at least had an idea, of what you looked like without these clothes on; feeling a twisted sensation of pride imagining he was the only one who did. On top of that, your sweet personality and beautiful face werenât helping him at all with his addiction. Filthy old bastard, stop it- he had to mentally slap himself to prevent staring at you for too long, especially staring at your chest that this goddamn dress you had chosen to wear wasnât covering at all; or your ass these goddamn pants were fitting way too well.
Tonight, Arthur is avoiding going to bed too early. He knows he would just lay in it waiting for you anyway. Instead, he goes for a walk along Flat Iron Lakeâs shores, bringing his journal with him. Two entire pages are already dedicated to your shadow. He had no idea a picture exclusively made of black and white flats on a sheet could have such a powerful erotic effect. Or maybe he is a complete degenerate âwhich, he is sure, is more and more true.
He has to be honest with himself, he could just go to a hotel, or out of camp for a few days to sleep under the stars, and the matter would be settled.
But he doesnât want to. Because deep down inside, his urges are winning, making him feel like the most foolish and weakest man alive. He enjoys watching you. He enjoys seeing those forbidden plumped curves cast on this canvas. He feels like you're not leaving him any mercy, pitiless, his days dictated by the wait for his taboo rendez-vous, his nights by your sensual apparitions in his dreams.
He is trapped, you have completely tamed him, and irony of it all, have absolutely no idea you are making him feel like this.
This woman is drivin' me insane.
After a few hours on the cold shore's sand, his fingers only capable of creating quick little sketches and scribbles, his feet lead him back to camp. What a surprise. He finds most of the gang's members already asleep, apart from the ones on guard duty and some late campfire enjoyers talking about life, about love, grief, the future, the past. He briefly nods at them without a word and walks to his private space. He already knows whatâs waiting for him there, your tent looking like itâs still illuminated, his thoughts and body avid for it.
No, donât be a fool, Morgan.
He sits down on his cot. Mumbles to himself orders and curses to try and stay reasonable. Takes off his hat, runs a hand through his hair, sticky with sweat and dirt from his busy day, as all the other ones, as always. Scratches his beard and his ears with a sniff, tells himself he needs to take a swim into that lake. That heâs as dirty on the inside as heâs on the outside. Pulls down his suspenders before stretching his shoulders, a pained groan escaping him. A cigarette joins his lips, a match lights it, and he breathes in slowly. He tries to calm down, focusing once again on this homey feeling it brings him.Â
But his brows furrows. His lips tighten. He knows he wonât be able to hold on much longer. He needs to sleep properly. Even being the all-mighty Titan he is, he still needs a good night of sleep from time to time to keep the engine of his body turning, and you have kept it from him for days.
He lies to himself promising this is only for his health.
That this is the only way for him to stay focused during the day; the only way to rest properly and be at his best again tomorrow.
That this will be the only time heâll do that.
His only moment of weakness.Â
The still-lit cigarette and his good conscience fall to the ground as he lies on his cot, settled on his left side, his right hand already roaming on his lower belly.Â
His eyes drop on the scene he had fantasized about for what seems like years to him at this point.
Lord have mercyâŚ
Your shadow looks so perfect. He takes his sweet time to notice every detail of it, enjoying to the maximum his sinful behavior, now that he had succumbed to it. How youâre laying on your back, reading your book with your legs crossed. The curvaceous shape of your body looks divine to his insatiable gaze. Your hair messily tangled around your head. The silhouette of your chin and throat making him hungrier than any feast he could have attended. Your belly, rising and falling with your chest and breasts, gives the shadow an organic appearance. Your delicate legs, from the base of your thighs to your calves, to your feet, your toes mindlessly curling as you get lost in your story. And of course, the blurry outline of what was between themâŚ
Damn it.
His hand quickly reaches his belt, unbuckles it, fiddles with his pants, opens them carelessly in an urgent grip. He spits in his palm, lashes out at himself when the desire of it being your wetness instead crosses his mind, and slips it between the buttons of his union suit. It finally wraps around his desperate shaft, gorged with blood, and he wonders if he already had been this hard before.
The moment he feels the pressure of his own fingers around it, he canât help but sigh deeply through his nose, and has to physically block the groan he was about to let out.
Make no noise, moron.
He bites his lips to stop any other immoral sound from crossing through his mouth. Last thing he needs right now is to get caught. He slowly rubs one languorous time from up to down, then up again, his fingers brushing his swollen head right where he needs to. He instantly knows he wonât last. He had dreamed about this, about you, both during days and nights. His eyes are locked on your tantalizing silhouette, this deiform delicious flesh. Goddess of the night, Queen of his desires.
His hand rubs once again and his muscles tighten. He starts to stroke in a rhythmic pace, his moves are efficient, messy, careless. He masturbates the same way he takes care of himself âquickly, roughly, as if matching his disgust towards his own self. The exact opposite of what he would do to you if he could. This is pure physical relief.
Yes, God, yesâŚ
Your name turns in his mind between blasphemous curses as he pleasures himself, stroking faster and faster, delightful warm sensations spreading through him. Finally. The burning is no longer in his back or mind; it's right there around his erection, flames licking all around it.
He wants to be able to join you there, so badly. He wants to discover the tone of your bare skin in those places you never show to anyone. He wants to whisper sweet things in your ear and you to sigh back, your voice high and softly shaking from pleasure. He wants the lewd intimacy, the shared tension and the electric, exciting touch of two foreign skins discovering each other for the first time. He wants to see your hardening nipples he can only have a glimpse of through the fabric.Â
He wants to have you, to take you, consume you, all to himself. He wants you to think about him the same way he is now, wants you to come while thinking of him, only him, your mouth to moan, whimper, scream even, all thanks to him.Â
He wants your hand instead of his, around his cock right now, pressing harder, moving faster.
Yes, yes, jusâ a bit more darlinâ⌠-
A movement from you, a real one, makes his pace slow down and his heart stops, afraid you might have by some sort of divine knowledge understood what was happening. But youâre just shifting in your bed, positioning yourself on your belly with your book open against your pillow, and Arthurâs balls spasm; he now has the most perfect view of your ass, its gorgeous, decadent round and plumped contour making his member twitch in his fist.
Ahh, shit⌠So god damn perfectâŚÂ
Pearls of sweat leak from his forehead to his neck. His ears shut close to the outside world, his surroundings completely disappearing. Now, thereâs only you and your perfect back beautifully arched ending with your perfect bottom and him, and no one elseâs on Earth. His breath is jerky, his entire face completely crimson, his fingers pumping so hard and fast heâs basically fucking his hand âyour hand, with those wet and unmistakable noises filling the air.
His breath speeds up as Arthur feels his deliverance coming, blood rushing in his veins. He sees himself behind you grabbing fistfuls of your cheeks, he sees his erection diving deep between them. And it's the last straw. His brows are crunched in an exquisite expression of pure sexual delight, jaws so tensed heâs about to break his teeth, your pleasure-filled voice screaming his name in his head, dragging every sensation out of him. His orgasm hit him with the strength and speed of a thunderstorm, lightning bolts of satisfaction striking every fiber of his body.
 Yes! Yesss  âDamnit!Â
He comes hard with a low and throaty growl he forgot to âor couldn't repress, silently repeating your name again and again, his lower lip almost cut open from how hard he had bit himself, an enormous vein on his forehead where sweat covers his skin. His thick, hot cum spills messily in an indecently large amount, the aftermath of having held himself back for so long, leaking on his pants and fingers and staining his cot; a dash of white contrasting with the darkness of what he just did.
Heâs praying to the Lord and the Devil, any mystical forces known to man, that nobody had heard his final relief sound, especially not you. It was louder than what he would like to admit.
Shit, so damn goodâŚ
Using his black bandana, he roughly cleans himself then tosses it somewhere on the floor, his cock finally softening as he shoves it back under his clothes, balls empty. And it feels good. So good a wave of shame and guilt crashes onto him once more. What a pig he was for jerking off while ogling you. What an old bastard he was to mingle you and his filth. But at the same time, he feels like his muscles are thanking him, his restless flesh satisfied, even though he almost hurt himself with how fast he had stroked, lost in his haze.
His bittersweet and contradictory feelings accompanied him as he took a last glance at your tent before drifting off to sleep, his breathing still a bit raspy as if he had run for hours. You had closed your book and taken the candle between your hands to blow on it, the little flame flickering before fading. And then, darkness.
The curtains falling on the stage at the end of this private decadent act.
Eyelids heavy, Arthur knows he will finally sleep tonight.
But he also knows this isnât the end of his torments at all; the conflicting thoughts paint his mind just as the sun pierces through the dark ebony clouds of a thunderstorm, creating those abruptly dazing shapes and color, pitch black laced with blinding light.
Never in this life or the Other he will forget the form of your naked body, no matter how wicked he feels. Because when it comes to you and only you, Arthur Morgan is, indeed, a very weak man.
tagging : @a-court-of-valkyries and @zae-heeyyy
#hello I'm not dead#I hope you'll like this one its a bit filthy#honestly I was inspired by this very specific art piece from the wonderful Attckher if you know you know#Also should I write a little something more in which reader catches Arthur in the act? đ¤#arthur morgan#arthur morgan x reader#arthur morgan x female reader#arthur morgan smut#arthur morgan fanfiction#arthur morgan x you#rdr2 fanfic#arthur morgan rdr2#pinefic#rdr2 fanfiction
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A Big TB Announcement
Greetings from Washington D.C., where I spent the morning meeting with senators before joining a panel that included TB survivor Shaka Brown, Dr. Phil LoBue of the CDC, and Dr. Atul Gawande of USAID. Dr. Gawande announced a major new project to bring truly comprehensive tuberculosis care to regions in Ethiopia and the Philippines. Over the next four years, this project can bring over $80,000,000 in new money to fight TB in these two high-burden countries.
Our family is committing an additional $1,000,000 a year to help fund the project in the Philippines, which has the fourth highest burden of tuberculosis globally.
Hereâs how it breaks down: The Department of Health in the Philippines has made TB reduction a major priority and has provided $11,000,0000 per year in matching funds to go alongside $10,000,000 contributed by USAID and an additional $1,000,000 donated by us. This $22,000,000 per year will fund everything from X-Ray machines, medications, and GeneXpert tests to training and employing a huge surge of community health workers, nurses, and doctors who are calling themselves TB Warriors. In an area that includes nearly 3,000,000 people, these TB Warriors will screen for TB, identify cases, provide curative treatment, and offer preventative therapy to close contacts of the ill. We know this Search-Treat-Prevent model is the key to ending tuberculosis, but we hope this project will be both a beacon and a blueprint to show that Itâs possible to radically reduce the burden of TB in communities quickly and permanently. It will also, we believe, save many, many lives.
â
I believe we canât end TB without these kinds of public/private partnerships. After all, thatâs how we ended smallpox and radically reduced the global burden of polio. Itâs also how weâve driven down death from malaria and HIV. For too long, TB hasnât had the kind of government or private support needed to accelerate the fight against the disease, but I really hope thatâs starting to change. Iâm grateful to USAID for spearheading this project, and also to the Philippine Ministry of Health for showing such commitment and prioritizing TB.
â
One reason this project is even possible: Both the cost of diagnosis (through GeneXpert tests) and the cost of treatment with bedaquiline are far lower than they were a year ago, and that is due to public pressure campaigns, many of which were organized by nerdfighteria. Iâm not asking you for money (yet); Hank and I will be funding this in partnership with a few people in nerdfighteria who are making major gifts. But I am asking you to continue pressuring the corporations that profit from the worldâs poorest people to lower their prices. Iâve seen some of the budgets, and itâs absolutely jaw-dropping how many more tests and pills are available because of what youâve done as a community.
â
I donât yet have the details on which region of the Philippines weâll be working in, but it will be an area that includes millions of peopleâperhaps as many as 3 million. And it will include urban, suburban, and rural areas to see the different responses needed to provide comprehensive care in different communities. This will not (to start!) be a nationwide campaign, because even though $80,000,000 is a lot of money, itâs not enough to fund comprehensive care in a nation as large as the Philippines. But we hope that it will serve as a modelâto the nation, to the region, and to the worldâof whatâs possible.Â
â
Iâm really excited (and grateful) that our community gets to have a front-row seat to see the challenges and hopefully the successes of implementing comprehensive care. Just in the planning, this project has involved so many contributorsâNGOs in the Philippines, global organizations like the Partners in Health community, USAID, the national Ministry of Health in the Philippines, and regional health authorities as well. There are a lot of partners here, but theyâve been working together extremely well over the last few months to plan for this project, which will start more or less immediately thanks to their incredibly hard work.
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Trying to understand here... how is someone calling whats going on in palestine right now "genocide" antisemitic? The "fuck zionism" part is, I'm not denying that, but is it not true to call what's happening genocide? Thousands of Palestinians have been and are being killed without discrimination of if they are members of Hamas or Hezbollah. Innocent citizens of the Gaza strip, regardless of nation, have been and are being killed. The sheer amounts of Palestinian deaths are heartbreaking and I don't understand how people calling something out for being literal genocide can be something that makes you label someone antisemitic. I'm not being facetious, genuinely trying to understand and learn here. I've followed your account for a couple years probably at this point, since you were hadean-taiga, and I'm spelling stuff out so clearly so that I can attempt to avoid an automatic block.
No, what's happening right now is not genocide. It's war. And yeah, war really sucks.
Genocide is not just "a lot of civilians dying". I'm sorry, but it's not.
Genocide has an extremely specific definition. It requires both of two parts: a mental part, and a physical part.
The mental part of genocide is the intent to destroy, in part or whole, a national, ethnical, racial or religious group.
The physical part of genocide includes the following acts that must be done in conjunction with the above mental part, aka with the intent to destroy a group of people:
Killing members of the group;
Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group;
Deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part;
Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group;
Forcibly transferring children of the group to another group.
Genocide requires both the mental and the physical aspects.
Are Palestinians being killed and experiencing physical harm? Yes. But not because Israel is trying to wipe all Palestinians off the face of the Earth. They are dying as casualties of a horrible, awful war. Israel is at war with Hamas. Two armies fighting is not genocide, even if civilians die in the crossfire.
The intent of Israel is to defeat Hamas, so that Hamas can no longer harm Israelis, which Hamas has been doing since the 1980's.
Yes, thousands of Palestinians are dying. That's because the war, that Hamas intentionally caused, is happening in Gaza, a dense urban zone where a lot of Palestinians live. If you have a war in a dense urban area, a lot of civilians are going to die.
There are multiple proofs of evidence that Israel is in fact trying to reduce civilian deaths as much as they possibly can, which contradicts any claim they are "intentionally trying to destroy" as many Palestinians as possible. The IDF has been actively warning before its raids and strikes, it has been maintaining open pathways for aid to enter Gaza, and it literally just cooperated with Hamas for a massive polio vaccine campaign in Gaza.
Vaccinating thousands of children against polio is an act intended to protect and save lives. It is the literal opposite of an act of genocide.
War fucking sucks all on its own without being a genocide. This is why we are calling for a ceasefire! War is bad enough on its own!
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âËâšăso this is what it means to be in love | gojo satoru
wc:Â 8.9k
summary:Â gojo finds out what it really means to be in love.Â
contains: f!reader in mind, friends to lovers (prev. slowburn), suggestive scenes, might be mature/mildly explicit? (i only mention âbuttâ once thoughâŚ), âbeing in loveâ as a journey, almost like a falls in love first (you) vs. falls in love harder (gojo), they fight, they swear, character death/s mentioned, shibuya onwards spoilers, lots and lots and lots of love
a/n: this is better read after the other parts in the collection but can work as a stand alone too!, thereâs a jump between this and tell me about love (show me how) so gojo would have developed a lot in the relationship since then!Â
collection masterlist: conversations on love +02 (extra). look my way, you're what i crave <- you are here + (extended scene) too good to be mine -> 3.5a. this feeling inside of meâ
MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT.
this is a re-upload! (because i accidentally deleted the original one!)
Gojo catches onto love slowly.
He takes the hand you leave open just for him, and closes the space between your palms, reducing infinity.Â
Maybe heâs felt it all this time without knowing; after all, love looks a lot less profound as friends in your early 20âs.Â
But being in itâbeing in love? Thatâs uncharted territory.Â
Gojoâs been to a lot of places, has travelled back and forth from point-to-point endlessly. Heâs survived battles, a war, near-death, and cursed spirits reincarnate; heâs got eyesâtwo bright blue and an extra four hidden, ones that see beyond human comprehension. Unearthing this simple truth shouldnât shake him, shouldnât even faze him. If anything, he should have seen it comingâ
Except, he doesnât.Â
It sneaks up on him, bit by bit, until he finds that being in love means getting to experience you all over again, just differently.
.
.
.
It starts with the little things.Â
Gojo has known you for so long (a decade and a few years more), but has only recently begun to notice everything: how your baby hairs stick out in the humidity of summer, the way you purse your lips in thought before finally deciding on a drink to order. You play with your fingernails subconsciously, out of habit, the soft taps on your nail beds an accompaniment of anxious conversations youâve had since you were 23.Â
He knows you always blink twice before focusing on him, and itâs a mystery whether this is a recent development or something heâs just never noticed, but if youâre trying to enchant him by the flutter of your eyelashes, he wants to let you know that itâs workingâexcept, he knows that you arenât, because youâre just like that: a daydream without even trying.Â
These arenât new things; heâs sure heâs probably encountered them all before, but lately theyâve evolved into cute things, and thereâs no hiding the slight curve of his lips every time he spots them.Â
.
The sun is beaming brighter this summer, the ocean a faraway blur from the beach towel you set up under the shade. Going to the beach is never your go-to when you think of an extremely hot afternoon, but Yuujiâs been eyeing a weekend getaway since sorcerer workâs lessened significantly.Â
âItâs a good effort,â Gojo convinces you, âto get everyone together again.â
And it isâyou see it now: Yuuji and Megumi preparing to fling Yuuta into the water while Nobara and Maki race along the shoreline. Toge stays close to Panda but he watches fondly, eyes crinkling every now and then, happy.Â
When you blink, the image of them softensâa captured memory in the heat haze.Â
The only older ones here are you and Gojo; Shokoâs always disliked the stickiness of sunblock on her skin, and Ijichiâs new position has made him constantly busy. Somewhere in the distance, you can maybe envision Nanami. He wouldnât come if you or Gojo asked, but if it were Yuujiâ
You rub at your eye, resting your chin on your hand as you will your tear ducts to please, donât cry.Â
Yuuji's been smiling a lot more lately, an observation you note from the way his ears are perked up every time you look his way. Itâll never be the same as it used to be but itâs relieving to know that he can exist living as himself now. Just Yuuji.Â
You hug your knees tighter to your chest, wrapping your arms around it. Your place under the coconut tree provides ample enough shade but your back still burns from Gojo haphazardly slathering sunscreen on it after hearing an ice cream stand from miles away.Â
The mind is a weird place to be at times like thisâsplit into bittersweet reminiscing and telling yourself to just take this moment and breathe, to live in it. You think about Megumi, and how you hurt for him, always will, for all that heâs lost despite every attempt to avoid it.
You should have been there for Tsumiki, you could have been there for both of them.Â
Your guilt never leaves you even on days that shine as vividly as this, but perhaps thatâs the silver liningâthat theyâre still with you, always. You can carry pieces of them to these places, and scatter them to the wind, to the sand, to the sea, and maybe to the ice cream stand Gojoâs waiting in line of, surrounded entirely by kids. They all rise to half his size, but if you squint, you think the bounce in his step makes him blend right in.Â
A chuckle escapes you.Â
You could sort through your memories and land on one where he looks just like thisâfreakishly large limbs towering over a tiny, excited Tsumiki. Back then, an ice cream stop after school consisted of your pseudo-family of four, with Megumi on your hand and Tsumiki on his leg, both gripping tightly to combat a chilly 10°C.
Things are different now, evidently. Megumiâs outgrown it, and Tsumiki is no longer here. But Gojo has stayed the same, and itâs comforting to know that he will continue to be this Satoru, your Satoru, even when some things are gone.Â
You donât realize youâve spaced out until he waves the ice cream cone while walking towards you. Â
Gojo is a sight in trunks the color of his eyes, with seahorses and starfishes in an alternating pattern of peachy-pink against cerulean blue.Â
You could have sworn you asked for your own cone, but he plops down beside you holding only one. For the both of you. The side-eye you give him is almost criminal, if not deadly, but your lips twitch from the smile youâre hiding (terribly).Â
He raises an eyebrow and you break character, shaking your head while laughing.Â
âDid you eat the other one on the way here?â you tease, craning your neck to lick at the bottom scoop (vanilla-strawberry-vanilla, Gojoâs signature order).Â
Your tongue lands dangerously close to his fingers, and he feels it, but his eyes only land on youâyour lips, how they part for your tongue to glide smoothly on hisâboth of yourâdessert. You look every bit of an angel in the soft, pale hues of your bikini, but Gojoâs thoughts are anything but saintly.Â
He blushes furiously, the tips of his ears and nose bright red as he turns away from you quickly.Â
âIâm fulfilling your dream of sharing an ice cream cone with me.â he tilts his chin up, proud, smirking slightly. He jokes about it knowing full well that this is his dream come true, just by the look of you.Â
You stay quiet, rolling your eyes but never meanly, no. You only ever do it fondlyâhe knows, being on the receiving end of it one too many times.Â
The beach towel scrunches when you scoot closer, looping your arm around his as you both rest your elbows on your knees. Gojo holds the cone between you two, tipping it towards you when itâs your turn to lick.Â
He shouldnât stare, shouldnât hyperfixate, but itâs so cute how you get the tiniest bit of ice cream on the tip of your noseâas if it belongs there, soft and sweet just like the rest of you.Â
You look up to find Gojo gazing at you, eyes glimmering like sunlight on the ocean, and a tiny smile that only widens when he realizes youâve caught him red-handed. Your eyes narrow suspiciously, scrunching your nose in an effort to stop yourself from grinning.Â
When Gojo looks at you this way, as if you are his favorite place rediscovered, your heart thumps furiously against your ribcage.Â
âWhatâŚâ you drawl, your smile impossible to hide in the lilt of your voice.Â
Gojo thinks he can count every eyelash, every speck of sand dotting your face, and stil not be bored of you. He canât stop beaming.Â
Is this what it means to be in love with you?Â
âNothing.â he replies, almost giggling, a little bashful but with every inch of sincerity. You know that smile, the only one that holds every ounce of Satoru. Gojo smiles big and wide to everyone else, but this small one you know, is reserved just for you.Â
He leans in, lips coming closer to brush against the tip of your nose. Your eyes fall shut, instinctively, and the pink dot is wiped clean, a hint of strawberry dancing on his palate. Heâs done this more times than he can count, has gotten this near to know that close will never be close enough, but you still jolt a bitâPDA has never been your thing.Â
When he pulls away, you continue to stare at each other, locked in a gaze until the ice cream begins to drip down his fingers and onto the beach towel. It misses his trunks by a hair and you both laugh at how he belatedly tries to escape it even though itâs already there.Â
Itâs indescribable, this moment, seeing you in slow motion, laughing as bright as the sunâthe sweetest sound heâs ever heard. It takes every bit of him to look away so he can wipe his hands clean from the dripping dessert.
You hand him a packet of wipes and beckon him to sit in front of you after. Squeezed onto the palm of your hand is a copious amount of sunscreen you plan to slather all over him. A touch-up, if you will.Â
Gojo has sensitive skin, pale as bond paper and burns just as quickly. The high points of his face are already reddening, warm to the touch when you dab at them with sunscreen.Â
Youâre so near, so close, sitting cross-legged in front of him with your knees touching his. The tip of your tongue sticks out just slightly as you focus on his skin.Â
Even though he knows, he still wonders what your lips would taste like, SPF chapstick and crumbly bits from the wafer cone. He wonders what your eyelashes would feel like, fluttering over his own.Â
The light casts a halo around you and he thinks itâs fitting for all that you do. You pamper him like this, slather love all over his chest and back, massage it in so it dissolves into himâand he feels it so deep that he tastes it.
How can your love be so sweet? He thinks, sighing as your fingers work sunscreen up his neck from his collarbone. You always apply his skincare like this: upwards, gentlyââno tugging, please!ââsomething about keeping his baby face even when heâs old.Â
âYou should join them,â you mumble, rubbing more product onto the nape of his neck. Youâre leaning over his shoulder, neck brushed against his cheek.Â
Gojo hums, watching everyone from a distance. Itâs been a while since heâs had a day like this.Â
âBut maybe after 30 minutes, so the sunblock doesnât wash off. Youâre already burning.â you note, coming back to sit.Â
Of course, heâs already burning. How can he not when the sun is right in front of him?Â
.
You join everyone for a game of beach volleyball in the sunset of the afternoon. Youâre transported back to high school, the last time you did thisâyou and Satoru against Shoko and Suguru, with Haibara keeping score.Â
From the way Gojoâs eyes are glossed over, you can tell heâs thinking about it too, the memory having seared itself into your brains forever, it seems.Â
Being paired together should feel familiarâthe same, but it doesnâtâisnât, because Gojo canât concentrate, sneaking glances to notice all the little things about you that he never used to. Your skin shines from the combination of sweat and sunscreen, and when you crash into him itâs both sticky and slippery. He should really ask for a time-out before you blind him completely.Â
You look unfairly good in your bikini, too good he can barely hear you calling for him; between the ocean and his blood rushing, any other sound is drowned out into nothing.Â
Maki and Yuuji absolutely demolish the both of you, reaching 15 first in the final set. Gojo blames the loss on you of course, even though heâs missed every pass youâve sent his way and netted 60% of his spikes.Â
And maybe it technically is your faultâyou and your (very distracting) little things. But itâs entirely on him that heâs fallen for it, fallen for you as much as this.Â
.
.
.
Gojo thinks of love differently when he sees a picture of himself and all it does is remind him of you.
Thereâs a photo tucked safely in his wallet (saved and set as his homescreen too). Shoko snorts when she walks in on him printing it, all six-foot-three of him hunched over the small inkjet printer in the faculty room.Â
âItâs all digital now, Satoru,â she scoffs, taking a puff on her cigarette.Â
Gojo doesnât say anything even though he knows itâs true, too focused on watching the printer push out the two-by-three inch image heâs about to cut into.Â
Print photos arenât as important anymore when cloud storage spaces are just asâif not moreâaccessible, but Gojo is admittedly sentimental despite every front he puts up to hide it.Â
Heâs kept every single gift youâve given him and camouflaged it as decoration in his office, and the family drawing 10-year-old Tsumiki made is still folded between the pages of a self-help book Yaga had given him when he first decided to teach.Â
When every moment is experienced so vividly, seen through a muddle of infinite energies, there are those he wishes could stay stillâones that take up space to remind him: âthis is real, it happened, and here is proof that it didâ.Â
He already has one of all of you, fresh-faced and barely pushing the peaks of youth at 16. A tangle of arms wrapped around each otherâone of his gripping tightly on Suguru, and the other hanging loosely over you. Utahime is crouched in front, holding the hand youâve placed on her shoulder while pulling Shoko into a semi-squish-semi-hug (because out of the four of you, Shoko is her favoriteâcompletely valid; if given the choice, sheâd be your favorite too). Nanami and Haibara stay close to Suguru, squatting low to balance the photo, and Haibara is smiling, the ever cheery grin Suguru loves to dote on, while Nanami is Nanamiâsharp features and a serious gaze that you all know heâll grow into someday, handsome with age.Â
For the longest time, Gojo has kept that photo hidden, locked away in the drawer of his bedside table as if keeping it there means the memory will stay guarded foreverâuntouched, unspoiled, unruined.Â
It would have stayed there if you didnât stumble upon it while looking for his painkillers during another one of his skull-crushing migraines.Â
You approach him with the image hesitantly, eyes damp and glossy. Years have faded the colors ever so slightly, but the corners remain crisp from being stowed away neatly. You say sorry, that you shouldnât have looked through his things, but you remember the moment it was taken so fondly: a visit to the Kyoto campus on a one-day break to train with other students.Â
Gojo has many theories about time and the multitude of spaces it takesâlike how a person can exist at different points in time, disparate at each instance, and still take up the same big chunk of space. The opposite can be true too, that someone can live finitely (just once) and occupy spaces in every place you look: the face of a passerby down the road, a sign at the corner of the street, or even a photograph that immortalizes people you once knew.Â
He only shares when you ask, aware that he tends to be a bit of a nerd about it whenever itâs brought up, but you don't mind. You like listening to it all, no matter how insightful or confusing they are for you to make senseâa version of him not many get to witness. His explanations are comprehensible for the most part, exceptâ
When Gojo tells you that heâs kept the image in his drawer, hidden, because exposing it to the space-time that exists now will erase every reminder that it ever happened, you hug him tightly.Â
Your sniffles are heard from the way his head is tucked into the crook of your neck, your fingers gripping strands of his hair in empathy.Â
He considers your near-tears as a sign that the memory is long gone, decayed into the brittling tragedy of reality. But you smile, the corners of your lips bittersweet as you express disbelief that heâs kept it all this time.Â
You tell him delicately that some precious things are meant to be celebrated, put out to be rememberedâto be experienced.Â
And it becomes clearer to him then, by the look in your eyes and remembrance soft-spoken, that what good is a photo unseen?Â
What good is a love unwitnessed?
When you gift him a frame a year after finding the photo, he hangs it by the wall next to his office door. The image is painful to look at, always has been (even when it was hidden in his drawer)âduring Suguruâs defection, and death anniversaries especially.Â
The recent one for Nanami was heavy; the first time heâs ever been able to process grief fully.Â
Gojo can argue that it grows more difficult every time he catches a glimpse of it from his desk, but you have a way of honoring pain that doesnât make it sting as badâthat turns it into a reminder of a love that was once there, of feelings that hurt as evidence that someone cared.Â
Now, he wants another photo printed, one of just the two of you. Not because it hurts, but because he wants this precious thing to be remembered and seenâfor this love to be witnessed too.Â
Itâs self-timered, snapped under the shade of a cherry blossom tree in full bloom. The picture is far from perfect: your eyes bright and mouth open mid-fear of his phone falling off the bridge railing.Â
You may look a teensy bit funny, but Gojo will always find it cute. Anyone can see it, at how he looks at you in that momentâlike you are every bit worthy of the distance travelled and seasons waited. He gazes at you fondly, eyes holding clear skies and pink lips curling into a small smile.Â
Itâs cheesy, but if you ask him what he thinks about this yearâs flowers, heâll tell you none of them (not even any of them combined) could compare to you. The cherry blossoms could be gone and heâd still see them everywhere (in the softness of your lips, the fullness of your cheeks, the radiance you emit when you are truly, solely content and happy).Â
He remembers that afternoon well: the spring breeze that jolts his phone sideways, his hand resting on your lower back, unseen in the image. Thereâs no real reason for visiting the blossoms on this day of all days, but Gojo doesnât believe in coincidences, and heâs counted down exactly to a year since you both had your first kiss.
Itâs so silly, because heâs never thought of things like this before. He knows you probably donât think much of it either considering that neither of you have made anything official yet since.Â
And he feels a little stupid for that, honestly.Â
You have a drawer of his clothes for the nights he stays over (more often than not), and even though you go on these little trips that are so obviously dates, you both still just tell everyone youâre âhanging outâ.
Heâs not fooling anyone here, not when he looks at you then with the feeling of his chest expanding, stretching to accommodate the overflows of his affection since learning the ways to love youâtenderness caught in little pixels of eternity. Â
When Gojo goes through all 179 photos from that afternoon, he filters out the ones to delete and picks this one out especiallyâfavorites and resizes it to fit his home screen and his wallet too.Â
Thereâs something about the look on his face that reminds him of every time heâs caught the same one on you.Â
He slides the photo into the little sleeve behind his credit card, catching himself smilingâthis must be because of you, he thinks, and the bits and pieces of yourself that have somehow become part of him slowly, sneaking into him unknowingly.
If this is what it means to be in love, with you, then heâs fucked.Â
Donât you know that heâs insatiable? These traces of you will only make him want the whole of you.Â
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You find the photo while he rushes to the restaurant restroom. On âhang outâs like this, you insist on splitting the bill, but Gojo has always been stubborn and youâve learned that you can never argue.Â
He hands you his wallet to pay with his card, and when you slide it out, the photo falls. Itâs face down on the floor when you pick it up, fully expecting it to be a photocard of some idol you know Gojo follows.Â
But it isnât, and your smile widens.Â
When Gojo comes back, youâre looking up at him affectionately, biting your lips as if to stop yourself from speakingâthe same way he always does.Â
Itâs funny because, slotted between your two fingers is the photo heâs kind of flustered you found, but he has no time to be embarrassed when he sees a little bit of himself in the way youâre staring at him right now.
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âSo, Yuuji asked if we were together.âÂ
You quirk an eyebrow, looking up at Gojo from the pile of laundry youâve begun folding on your bed. He emerges from the bathroom, ruffling his hair with a towel.Â
Over the past year, Gojo has spent his weekends off with you, sleeping over and traipsing around your room in his pajama set as if heâs lived here just as long as you.Â
You snort as you fold, amused that this is even a question to begin with. Yuujiâs always been known for being exceptionally dense, but you didnât think it was this bad. Gojo was especially touchy with you during that beach trip, and youâre sure Megumi and Nobara have caught up to let him know by now, somehow.Â
âWhat made him ask?âÂ
âI think he wants to take you away.â Gojo teases, wiggling his eyebrows as he throws the towel on the chair across your vanity.Â
You roll your eyes, still sweetly, indulging him, âSure.âÂ
Itâs now a running joke that Gojoâs threatened about Yuuji stealing you; youâve always had a soft spot for bright eyes and even brighter souls and Yuuji is as close to that as anyone can get.
Itâs not like that though, it could never be; Yuuji is just like your Megumiâthe two boys you want to protect and care for in hopes of treating them better than their lives have ever.Â
Gojo feels the same, you know, otherwise he wouldnât have guided them as much as he has (despite his... questionable ways). Still, your hands have always been gentler, kinderâand though shorter, have always outstretched much farther than his.Â
You have a way of inching yourself into peopleâs lives that just fits. Heâs experienced it first-hand, canât even dare to imagine what his life would be like if you didnât.Â
He walks across the room to you, bed dipping as he steadies a knee before draping his entire body over your shoulders.Â
Now that you think about it, it makes sense that Yuujiâs confused, because Gojo has always been extremely touchy to everyone, just never when the feelings mattered, with you. Kiss him once, though, and it snowballs into an avalanche of firsts. And what heâs about to do right now, he thinks, might just trigger another one to form all together.Â
âAs if Iâd let him.â he mumbles right by your ear, chin tucked by the crook of your neck. It tickles when he speaks, his nose poking at your cheeks.Â
âWho put you in charge?â you scoff jokingly, unfazed.Â
He moves away from you in disbelief, mouth open as he stares at you mindlessly folding.
To be fair, he canât fault you. You arenât technically official even though you have kind-of-been for a little over a year. Thereâs no particular reason, just that you havenât talked about itâpart because you wanted him to approach it whenever he was ready, and also, because it just never seemed like a priority.
You laugh as he stares at you, stunned into silence, the pout on his face borrowed from all the versions of yours.Â
Thereâs no point of contention because youâve only ever loved Gojo since you were 17.Â
âKidding,â you kiss his cheek as an apology.Â
âDonât even joke about that.â he huffs, youâre starting to take after him a little too much.
âYouâre mine.â he murmurs after, arms wrapped around your waist and legs stretched out wide to encase you.Â
He says it as if it is the simplest truth.Â
Your heartbeat quickens, too loud and pounding; this is the first time youâve ever heard this from him, and a part of you thinks this is just another one of those flirty side-comments he makes on a whim.
âYou tell him that?â you hope he canât hear your voice shake as he nuzzles your neck, your fingers trembling on the pair of socks you have yet to roll.Â
He hums, hugging you tighter. He waits for you to finish folding before letting you lean against him, offering his fingers for you to fiddle with. Theyâre cold, long and slender, veiny just by a bit, and he always gives them to you like theyâre yours, you like to think.Â
Thereâs an inhale, a breath of hesitation, before he exhales. Â
âSomething like it.âÂ
You donât say anything, only nod, and itâs nerve-wracking. Heâs so nervous even though he knows he doesnât have to be because itâs just you. And thereâs no need to doubt what youâre feeling. Butâ
âYou are though,â he pauses, âright?âÂ
He has to be sure. This is a testament to you more than himself that heâs learned to ask instead of bulldozing you like he does with everyone else. Who else will he pick that up from but you?Â
Thereâs hesitation you hear that you think shouldnât be there anymore; the fact that youâve given so much of yourself to this man and he still thinks youâre unsureâ
ââCause Iâm yours.â he speaks, clearly, definitively, before you can even answer. And you knowâyouâve known ever since that party years ago. A simple admittance: âIâm takenâ.Â
You turn around to face him, eyes shimmering.Â
Can he see? Youâre meant for him only.Â
All youâve ever wanted was to love him; everything else heâs done up until this point is already more than you could ever imagine. The labels can only do so much to capture the gravity of what you are to one another: years of history unpacked into a mishmash of feelings overlappingâitâs a lot.
You sit cross legged in front of him, your knees touching his. Heâs biting his lips again, an anxious habit you want to kiss away.Â
Gojo has proven far too much of himself already that heâs serious with youâyour kind-of-confession, that confrontation, and the days after, all the ways youâve both learned to love each other.Â
You cup his cheeks.Â
A single word cannot possibly define what he is to you.
âI mean, o-only if you want me to be.â he adds on, blue eyes darting back and forth.
Gojo runs his mouth almost all the time and youâve never heard him stutter once in his life. Except now.Â
Heâs endearing like thisâa version of him you are slowly discovering.Â
âWouldnât be here if I didnât.â you finally say, and itâs a relief.Â
He feels good, releasing a breath he didnât know he was holding. His arms pull you closer, hugging you tighter as you both smile.Â
He kisses you once, twice, maybe a million times all over, travelling across your eyelids, the center of your forehead, down to the corners of your mouth before landing a real one right on your lips.Â
Gojo always looks pretty but he looks prettiest like this, worry-free, with love in his eyes and nothing but pure happiness in the way he holds you.Â
He wonât tell you that Yuuji asked about your anniversary, not if you were together.Â
At least now he has an answer.
Gojo stares at you like he wants to say something, a thank you maybe, but he bites his lips instead. No words will ever amount to this feeling, he thinks, of his chest expanding and heart hammering. So he kisses you with all of it, trailing soft smacks of his lips down your neck, tickling. The tips of his hair are still wet from his shower, leaving droplets on your skin as he nips.Â
You laughâsprinkled in love.Â
âS-stop!â you push him away, âSatoru,â giggling, âtickles!âÂ
âWe have to consummate it now.â he whispers, grabbing you by the waist to place you on his lap, squeezing your sides while nibbling at your neck playfully.Â
You roll your eyes at his antics, âItâs notââ you laugh out loud when he pinches your hips, ââmarriage, Satoru.âÂ
Oh, if only you knew, he thinks.Â
The image youâve planted in his head is dangerous when heâs this drunk on love right now.Â
More decades, more years spent with you? In another life, or maybe even in this one, if time permits, he wouldnât mind making that come true.Â
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Itâs crazy how much things can changeâfor all his life, heâs ruled out the possibility of love ever taking root in his ribcage.Â
Youâve managed to make it feel so easy, so good, even when he was shit-terrified not knowing how to love you like he should.Â
Now, he thinks, how could he ever miss out on love this way? A love this good, with you?Â
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For all of Gojoâs life, heâs never had to be anyone elseâalways the strongest, the only one. Heâs never had to change anything about himself, because whatâs there to improve when youâre already the best?
In a way, this is why it works with you. Youâve taken him as he is, all the good and ugly and never asked for anything more than what he can give.Â
But being this in love with youâitâs foreign. There are pieces within him shifting, all on their own without him knowing.Â
How he wants to be better, for you. To be good enough to deserve all of it, and give back more of it too.Â
Gojo doesnât realize how much love has changed him until he feels it uprooting every insecurity he never even knew existed, pulling it all up to the surface.Â
When things are going great, itâs hard to imagine them ever going the other way.Â
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âYou donât mean that.â you mumble, voice trembling.
Gojo stares at you, at your lips quivering and the fists clenched to your sides. There are tears collecting in pools by your eyes, and if thereâs anything else he hates in this world, itâs seeing you cry.Â
So why?
Why couldnât he just shut up?Â
âPlease tell me you donât mean that,â you take a step closer, gripping the edge of his jacket, âSatoru.â your voice cracks, begging.Â
Itâs an out-of-body experience when Gojo registers that heâs fucked up, and he sees himself now, birdâs-eye-view, and thinks this is the worst thing he could do to you after all youâve been through.Â
âI need some time to think,â he says, finally, the only words coming out of his mouthâbut he canât hear himself speaking.Â
He should have said sorry, taken it all back, he thinks, not make it worse by leaving.Â
He heads for the door, heart crunching under each footstep away from you.Â
Is this what being in loveâs supposed to do? Break his heart while yours is bleeding?
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Youâre too good for Gojo, in every sense of the wordâand he knows it.
You are far too kind, far too generous, far too patient with him. You give him more love than he deserves, definitely, and admittedly enough, with how he is, you have been settling for the bare minimum but thatâs on him, not on you.Â
He had no right speaking to you the way he did, hurting you with accusations born from insecurities heâs never before had to deal with.Â
He knows it.Â
Who accuses you of âmeddlingâ as if everything out of you doesnât come from the goodness of your heart? Of provoking you with âchasing the bare minimumâ as if he isnât aware that thatâs all heâs given you to work with?Â
Utahime was right in telling you to be careful with him, and he doesnât blame her for it. He would have done the same.Â
He should have told you there was something brewing inside of him alreadyâshould have talked to you instead of bursting from all the things people have been saying lately.
Gojo hasnât spoken to you in three days and the feeling this compares to is worse than anything else heâs ever had to face.Â
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He knocks on your door at night, a little past dinner and too early for bedtime. They echo loudly within the walls of your apartment, and you drag yourself up despite your obvious look of heartbreak.Â
Gojo hears your footsteps and everything moves entirely too slowly; the lock, taking far too long to turn, the gap between the door and the door frame widening incrementally. Even your face comes into view as if in stop motion, frame-by-frame, gradually.
His hands are in his pockets, lips bitten to bleed. Heâs pretty sure he isnât breathing when he takes you inâpuffy eyes and a sweater that belongs to him.Â
(Is it sick of him to say that he still finds you beautiful this way? Even when you look every bit the part of heartache?)Â
Gojo didnât have a plan coming here, didnât have a list of things to say, just the feeling that he needed to talk to you, see you, even just be around you today.Â
When your eyes meet, itâs quiet. You stare into him for oneâtwoâthreeâ (Can you tell that theyâre watery? Can you see theyâre puffed up too?) and then open the door wider to let him in. You head straight to the kitchen, never once looking back while dragging your feet.Â
He stands outside a few seconds more, waiting for you to take it backâbut you donât, so he walks in and closes the door.
Heâs been in your apartment plenty of times before, has practically lived in it by how often he stays over. But this is the first time heâs felt wholly out of place, not knowing where to put himself, just standing in the space between your kitchen counter and the living room awkwardly.
You push a glass of water towards him and he canât stop staring at itâat you, at your fingers that he wants nothing more now but to hold.Â
Even with all his faults, all his wrongs, you open your arms for him to walk into, allow him in as if he didnât just hurt you.Â
And he wants to cry, at the fact that this place still feels like home, at how itâll always feel that way wherever you go.Â
How are you still treating him so kindly? Still taking care of him? A glass of water is one too many for someone like him.Â
You turn away from him to pour yourself your own then he speaksâ
âYou should be angry with me.â Gojo says softly, but you hear it.Â
You pause, tilting the pitcher back upright.Â
âWhy arenât you angry at me?â he says, a little louder this time, more desperate, more pleading.
Why are you never angry at me? he wants to ask.Â
You turn around to face him, putting the pitcher down.
Under your kitchen lights, his eyes shine like sunlight on the ocean, waves lapping on the shore. You think it might be a trick of the light, but his lips tremble when he closes them, as if he canât speak any more.Â
Itâs just as youâve said, thereâs no point being angry with him when your heart can never take it.Â
You always give Gojo the benefit of the doubt, and though heâs hurt youâthough this might be the most painful thing heâs told you yet, you know that heâs been under immense pressure lately. Stressed beyond belief from negotiating with the government on policies for jujutsu society.Â
Itâs not an excuse, you know, but Gojo always has his reasons. He'll tell you eventually, you believe that much.Â
You give him a sad smile, struggling to stop your tears from spilling. His fists are clenched too tightly, nails digging in hard enough to bleed. He hasnât moved since coming in, so you push yourself off the kitchen sink towards him.Â
You take his hands first, unfurl each finger pressed upon his palm and rub gently. He cries quietly for a love so pure that only you would attempt to ease his hurt despite the pain heâs dealt you.Â
You tiptoe second, pulling the sleeves of your (his) sweater before reaching up to wipe his eyesâbeautiful and blue just like youâve always known, droplets of the ocean at your fingertips.Â
âBe mad,â he whispers, âplease.â squeezing his eyes tightly.Â
It hurts more when you arenât, he thinks.Â
His hand comes up to grip your wrist, bringing it down to cup his cheek. You stroke your thumb across his skin, soothing, loving, and thatâs all it takes for him to pull you in. He hugs you tight, arms wrapped around you, clutching.Â
He wouldnât deserve you. In any life.
Gojoâs never cried this much before, head pressed to your neck as you rub circles along his back, shushing him softly. You start sniffling too, small at first until it turns into soft hiccups when you finally cry.Â
Your grip on him tightens.Â
ââM sorry.â he mumbles, lips moving against your neck.Â
ââSââ you hiccup, ââokay.âÂ
âStop saying that when itâs not,â he presses against you, nuzzling your neck, âI hurt you.â
âThen donâtââ another hiccup, ââcall yourselfââ hic, ââbare minimum.â you cry harder.Â
Gojo knows your heart and the tears that leak out of your eyes; he knows they hold pain for more than just yourself but every single person in your life. You, crying now, is evidence of that truthâshedding tears for him not just because of him when he thinks heâs the bare minimum.Â
This must be what it means to be truly, deeply loved, he thinks, to have someone know what you mean without even having to speak itâto know your heart, and all the good and bad parts of it.Â
âI donât think Iâm good enough to you,â he admits, pulling himself away from you.
When he sees your face, wet, with your nose and eyes puffed up from crying, he decides that he hates it more than anything else. Makes it sick to his stomach, even.Â
He cradles your cheeks, thumbs wiping away your tears. A whole hand of his could cover your face entirely, but he always, without fail, holds you delicately.Â
âThatâs notââ hic, ââtrue.â you gather your breathing, holding him by the wrists as he presses his forehead against yours. âOnly I get to decide that. Not anyone, not you.âÂ
You kiss his lips, a small peck before nudging his nose with yours. You soothe each other this wayâin the quiet, swaying to your own tune.Â
âYouâre good to me plenty, Satoru.â you whisper, once both of you have settled.Â
He opens his eyes to look at you, smiling sadly as he cradles your face, âI didnât mean it.âÂ
Whatever he told you that day, taking it all out on you.
âI know.â you mumble, nodding.Â
You always do.Â
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Gojo has always loved you, in some type of wayâas friends, colleagues, a-little-bit-more-but-less-than what you are today.Â
But how he feels right now? Itâs kind of ridiculous, borderline out-of-hand, and itâs driving him insane.Â
Itâs such a simple, ordinary thing for you to do: you rush up to him, phone in hand and scroll to some video you found online. Youâre so excited, a bounce in your step as if heâs the first and only person you want to show this to. Your eyes shine bright with a megawatt smile to match, and youâre talking so, so fast, completely lit up like fireworks in the making.Â
He knows you think that heâs listening but, he couldnât care less about it honestly. Sorry. Not when the words go in one ear and out the other, because all that registers is how adorable you are, giddy and everything.Â
He makes a jokeâcompletely unrelated, but you find it so funny. Then youâre laughing, full on smacking his arm, doubled over, arms hugging your stomach, guffawing. Your feet are kicking the air as you sink deeper into your couch. Gojoâs standing in front of you, post-enactment of some impression he made, and heâs frozen in place but warm all over.Â
Seeing you laugh like this, smile like this, being so pretty when youâre happy, the pounding in his chest goes crazy.Â
This isnât the first time heâs made you laugh; he does it all the time. You almost always roll your eyes and chuckle, sometimes giggle with your eyes squinting and laugh lines creasing. But it might be the first time itâs like this: with you so bright, more than the sun and every other star in the sky.Â
And he thinks, this is all he could ever wantâto make you happy for the rest of his life.Â
Thereâs too much of this feeling inside of him, clawing at his throat, itching to get out. Heâs filled with it, has been filled with it for so long that itâs starting to overflow and if he doesnât say this now he might justâ
âIâm so in love with you.âÂ
Gojo breathes it out, as if finally releasing it after all this time. You donât think he processes it because he just stands there, in the middle of your living room, staring at you.Â
Your laughter dies with maybe a little part of you too (in a good way).Â
He looks so sweet, so sincere, and you see his heart, so big, so honest and pure. You get flashbacks of every Satoru you have ever known, at 15, 17, 23, to now.Â
Itâs not like either of you donât know; itâs plain as day, how you feel about each otherâand you would have been fine going on without ever having to hear him speak of love this way.
But hearing it now, itâs far better than anything you could have imagined.Â
You stare at him. He stares at you.Â
Heâs shocked too.Â
You donât want to embarrass him, especially if he didnât mean to say it, so you chuckle, moving on to break the quiet.
âI can unhear it if you want,â you offer shyly, genuinely.Â
Gojo looks at you, confused, before a pout makes its way onto his face. You sit up on your couch, playing with your fingers as you look up at him.
Sure, he practically blurted it out, maybe in the heat of the moment, or something, but it doesnât make it any less true. And heâs realizing that the only thing he really wants from thisâ
âThoughâŚâ you continue, biting your lips, âI think Iâm pretty in love with you too.âÂ
The little laugh you make has him, completely.Â
The grin that breaks on his face is infectious. Gojo, who is normally so pale, is now pink all overâred by his ears and down his neck. Thereâs a sparkle in his eyes that can be found in yours too.Â
This moment right here feels like first lovesâteens first saying âI love youâ.Â
âYou think?â he asks incredulously, joking, âSo youâre not sure?â he walks closer to you.Â
You laugh, candy for his cravings, and take his hand to kiss each knuckle before guiding it to your cheek. He runs a thumb across your skin, affection on his fingertips. His index finger hooks itself under your chin, tilting it to rest on his stomach as you look up at him.Â
A kiss to your forehead, tenderly, gently.Â
The best part about being in love?Â
He gets to be in it with you.Â
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Gojo canât sleep.Â
Itâs not anything newâ4 hours on average, maybe 6 on a good night. He doesnât remember a time when sleep ever came easily.
Sleeping with you, beside you, has helped, but itâs never solved the problem. Youâve gotten him to a full 8 hours before, but never consecutively, and heâs starting to think that if you canât do it, nothing ever will.Â
Your sleeping positions change every night, but they always come out as some variation of hugging. Gojo firmly believes that he might as well sleep alone if you arenât touching.Â
Tonight, youâre spooning, arm slung over his waist and palm right on his chest, fingers interlaced with his. Your legs stay tangled together with soft puffs of air blowing at the back of his neck.Â
He opens his eyes and checks the clock by his bedside. 3:24 a.m.Â
He sighs deeply, carefully maneuvering his body to slip away from you. You used to wake up the first few times this happened, worried about an emergency or some kind of accident. Being a sorcerer trains you for things like that.Â
Youâve always known Gojo had bad sleep, just not the severity of it.Â
You donât wake up to it as much as you used to, having grown accustomed to it after more nights together, but on the off-chance that you do, Gojo always kisses your forehead gently as if to tell you that itâs okay, you can go back to sleep.
You donât wake up now, thankfully, so he grabs his phone and heads for the kitchen. Thereâs a sinking feeling in his chest tonight, far heavier than others heâs woken up from. He pours himself a glass of water before hopping on the kitchen counter, ready to sort through the bowl of candy sitting on the island.Â
The date today is October 31. Halloween. Itâs been a few years since Shibuya but he still feels like heâs suffocating.Â
In the train station. In the box.
In front of Suguruâor Kenjaku, both, whatever.Â
Heâs gone to therapy, just like you wanted, for the both of you, and grieving has been an interesting concept to wrap his head around since.
But no matter how much he trains his mind to deal with it, his body will always remember the feeling.Â
He snaps out of it when he hears your footsteps padding on the floorboards. Your figure emerges from the hallway, bed hair and eyes still sleepy, squinting.Â
âSatoru?â you rub at your eyes, his sleep shirt entirely too long as the sleeves extend past your fingertips. The extra fabric swings in the air. âYou okay?â you whisper, approaching him.Â
Waking you up is the last thing he could ever want right now, but itâs hard when youâre also the only one he can talk about this with. When you know what itâs like to grieve everyone too. Â
He has every intention of brushing it off, of telling you to go to sleep, but one look at youâone look at him and itâs like you just know. He doesnât even need to explain.Â
It isnât hard to piece together, knowing what today is and seeing him choked up the way he is. You tell Gojo itâs your intuition, but he has a tell, and maybe youâre the only one who knows it.Â
His eyesâtheyâve always given him away. Thereâs the Satoru you know, then a Satoru thatâs far removed, gone away. You can spot it though, the moment it loses its sparkle, the moment it turns from blue to gray.Â
He feels a little selfish sharing this with you; heâs not the only one whoâs lost people. You have too.Â
You stand in front of him and offer a sad smile, outstretching your arms as an invite, as if to tell him: you can stay here for as long as youâd like.Â
He moves into your space slowly, hopping off the kitchen island to slump against you.Â
He doesnât hug you yet, not immediately, hands still shaky at the memory. You rub his back, hooking your chin on his shoulder as he bends down to rest his head by your cheek.Â
You take his hand delicately, bringing them to your lips so you can kiss every fingertip gently. When you finish, he wraps his arms around you, squeezing tightly.Â
âDo you want to talk about it?â you whisper, like a hushed secret.Â
And he wants to, but also, there isnât anything else to say that you donât know already. You were there the first few times he had therapy, and when he felt comfortable enough to go alone, he told you all about it anyway right after.Â
If thereâs a secret to fighting the Gojo Satoru with guaranteed victory, theyâd only have to get to youâheâd be gone, entirely. You know too much of him, own too many parts of him already.Â
He chuckles dryly, vibrating by your neck. A step back and heâs leaning against the counter, bringing you closer by the hip, thumb stroking. He tucks away strands of your hair behind your ear, flattening down the birdâs nest that it is from your sleep.Â
âNothing you havenât heard before, pretty.â
Gojoâs been more tender lately, especially in the night when his piercing eyes turn soft, gazing.Â
You pout, the same one since you were 16. You donât know if youâll ever get used to it, the way he calls you such sweet, honeyed things; youâve only recently begun to call him âbabyâ and that alone has been enough to make your head spin.Â
Still, he wouldnât be your Satoru if he didnât surprise you. With how he is now, itâs hard to imagine a time when this was all so difficult for him, when even the slightest bit of your hands touching was challenging.Â
Itâs hard to imagine that both of you are here now, living in the same space, by the kitchen at night, with the contents of your hearts memorizedâthe sorrow, the pain, the joy, all the love, every single one.Â
He kisses your nose, and thatâs comfort alone.Â
This is his reality now, with you, and itâs safe.
Itâs good.Â
âDo you want to make waffles?â he hears you mumble, running your hands over his chest, soothing. Â
The clock reads 3:56 a.m. Early breakfast doesnât sound so bad, could also be a midnight snack.
(But he knows what youâre doing).Â
You donât tell him to try to go back to sleep, never forcing anything you know he canât do. Instead, you offer yourself to stay up with him, keep him company. Whatever he needs.Â
(And he loves that about you).Â
.
.
.
Gojo will forever argue that you might have fallen first, but heâs definitely fallen harder.Â
He could map out every single location heâs laid his love onâyour eyes, the flutter of your eyelashes, the curve of your nose, and your lips, the same ones heâs kissed and nipped, bitten until he gets his fill.Â
Your neck and chestâa canvas for his desires. He glides a finger across your collarbone before lightly tapping on it thrice.Â
Thereâs the little dip at the base of your spine, and your thighsâ
Oh, he could get lost in them.Â
He knows.Â
He has. Many times.
Thereâs an animal inside of him that only answers to you.Â
When you kiss his neck and grip his back, soft moans by his earâshort and sweet. Heâs a gone man, wholly devoted to you, and you only.Â
You breathe his name out, âSatoru,â raspily, and he sinks into youâeverything, all that he has spilling in the depths of you.Â
How can he possibly contain all this love?
Itâs scary how so much of him already belongs to you, all these yearsâhow youâve been carrying pieces of him, all versions of him throughout every birthday, every moment youâve touched his life and have it irrevocably changed.Â
.
âAre you happy?â he mumbles by your ear, voice deep and lazy.Â
Itâs the morning, sunlight barely peeking through your curtains. Gojo hugs you from behind, arms caging you as he traces little hearts on your sides.Â
âRight now?â you whisper back, chuckling, âThatâs not fair.âÂ
He nips at your ear, a small bite, before you turn to face him.
He supposes youâre right, it isnât fair to ask that now; both your bodies are sore, well-exhausted, and littered with conversations on love.Â
Gojo is pretty in the mornings just like he is all the time, his hair lending well to sunlight as much as it does to the moonlight. And his eyesâthey shine a different shade during the day compared to the night.Â
You though, youâre an entirely different creature of your own: a goddess in bedsheets and pillows, wrapped in immaculate white. Â
You giggle when you face him, nose-to-nose, and he pulls you in tighter, grips you by the butt to slot you in right where you belong.Â
Are you happy with me?Â
He wonders, and you can read itâhis eyes his greatest tell. You kiss him tenderly, lips moving gently against his. Then you smile, sincerely, before whisperingâ
âWouldnât be here if I wasnât.â
this is a re-upload! (because i accidentally deleted the original one!) thank you notes: to @stellamancer for being there since the very start!! col wouldnât even exist without you!! youâre every much part of the creation of this as i am :'), to @crysugu for being so ever supportive, cheering me on all the time!! and for loving col reader as much as i do!! and to you reading this and everyone else who has loved this collection so far!! of course!! a credit to all the writers whose works have inspired the way i view and write gojo: to @seravphs for teen dad!gojo and cruel summer influences, i draw so much of the way i understand these characters and their dynamics from you and your beautiful way of writing them and i hope my interpretation gives justice to that!!, to @augustinewrites for keeping up with the fushigojos, this series and the way you write them, with so much love, has always pushed for me to view gojo that way!! youâve inspired so much of my understanding that gojo does believe in love and that when he falls in it, he falls in it hard!!
comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated âĄ
#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo fluff#gojo angst#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk#satoru#shotorus.writes#col#algorithm pls love me
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