#without the angst of writing them with the intention of being queer | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

delphi-shield · 4 months ago

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i was gonna comment on this when I got home but I couldn't stop rotating this fic in my mind after rereading it again so im doing this on my lunch break instead lmao.

It was sweet. Ashley had kissed boys before, but never a girl. Jill’s lips were softer, not just in their composition or the way they sat on her face, but the way she kissed. It was nicer. Ashley was so engrossed in the kiss that she almost didn’t notice Jill’s hand on her cheek. The kiss probably would’ve lasted longer if they weren’t being gawked at by two men, and maybe ten more if you included the agents patrolling the area.

sorry im on mobile this might look wonky-- anyway!! love this fic so much.

She hadn’t heard of other sexualities before. It was 2004. It wasn’t like people talked about those things openly, not even on popular parts of the internet. Where was she supposed to read about bisexuality, pansexuality, asexuality, and the like? The gay newspaper? Ashley didn’t read the news. She barely had time for her own life, let alone anyone else’s.

this is really important to me and it's one of the things i like about this fic (and most of your fics tbh) the most. while i understand the appeal of fics where characters are gay and no one bats an eye, where everyone is secure in their sexuality and it's not a source of stress and i think those are valuable and important, i really prefer when authors grapple with the reality of being queer, especially in the early-mid aughts. i think the end result winds up being much more engaging and its got more stick-with-you. even without getting super deep into it, without delving into angst about it, i really feel like this bit of realism & stepping back to look at the time period and the characters logically adds a lot to this fic.

This holiday season she would not be followed around by reporters because the Secret Service was ordered to keep them away from her. Yeah, it’d suck to be surrounded by a group of men with a grouchy disposition, but at least they didn’t talk. They were practically allergic to conversation.

there was a lot to unpack in here but I bolded my favorite lines so as not to fill this comment with me just going "AHHH". love love love how much characterization you're able to pack in here for ashley. your writing here is very efficient - which i mean in a positive way, im a big fan of economical prose.

also oh my goddd I could go on about your use of the secret service in this fic. i don't know if it was intentional or not but they make a fantastic metaphor for comphet. i really enjoyed the occasional reminder that theyre still there, still watching, even as ashley is exploring her identity.

L: “You’re in luck :)”

A: “XD”

Ashley then had to go on to explain to Leon the concept of XD and XP. They didn’t cover that in all the paramilitary training he’d gone through.

canon to me tbh. ashley really is an xD enjoyer. idk i want to introduce her to kaomojis, i think she'd die.

“Hey Ashley. You look great tonight.”

“Thanks. It’s Versace.”

“I don’t know what that means, but I take it it’s expensive.”

honestly I don't have anything intelligent to say about this exchange i just wanted to point out that i liked it. Ashley's def the kind of person to get a compliment and go 'omg thanksss it's [brand]' and Chris has got big 'ok 💛 yay 💛' energy here.

The moment Leon turned away to retrieve her refill, Ashley said, “You’re really pretty, Jill. I mean, your dress, it’s really pretty. I like it.”

this is suuuch a cute little moment to me, i like how you've written Ashley's fluster and i love her using her status to show Jill around and kind of show off. Idk ashley really feels like she would try to like flex her status when she's flirting if that makes sense?? so offering to show jill around and being like "I can get us in >:3" felt very her.

And I also love what's essentially your case for Jill/Ashley! ashley doesn't have a ton of people to talk to about her experience, certainly not people who get it, and tbh, yeah, leon's pretty tight-lipped about it whereas i don't think jill has anywhere near that level of reticence to talk. idk jill's very action-oriented, and leon's prone to sitting and stewing in all the bad shit so while i think jill's eager to offer a shoulder she's also prone to withholding on her own end -- anyway. this ain't about them. what i'm saying is i really enjoyed the case you made for jill/ashley lmfao.

this is THE paragraph in the entire fic to me. she's that girl. idk I think there's something special about your first kiss with a woman, especially when you're coming into your own identity and accepting your feelings. I think this really captures it succinctly and beautifully.

and omg theres my besties the secret service mentioned again, hiiii. i really love the persistent reminders that they're being monitored as well. again, i don't know if it's what you intended but it really does add a lot to this portrayal to me.

there's a lot of little details about this fic that I love tbh, but especially jill's hesitance to chat ashley up at the beginning. idk the fear of seeming predatory is so real and like you didn't have to spell it out, it just kind of clicked. I would devour any wlw fic from you tbh.

make the yuletide gay

pairings: ashley graham/jill valentine, leon kennedy/chris redfield

cw: everyone is gay :), fluff!

summary: jill is ashley's gay awakening

ao3 link

The first time Ashley met Jill was at one of those galas that posed itself as something celebratory but was really intended for diplomacy and networking. As the president’s daughter, her presence was often requested by her father at such events. She wasn’t a part of any government agency, so it wasn’t like anyone would find her attendance beneficial in any meaningful capacity, but it was good for her father’s image. It made him look like a family man. Not that he wasn’t a family man. He was just busy. Ashley made an attempt to attend these things for the most part in the hopes of gaining her father’s respect or at least, his attention. She knew there were only a few routes to her parents’ praise and this was one of them.

On top of that, Leon was going to be there, and she hadn’t seen him since Spain. When she’d thanked him on Ada’s jetski while they watched the island go up in flames, he’d said “don’t mention it”, but she was definitely going to mention it every time she saw him for as long as it took her to properly express her gratitude. Her infinite gratitude. Ashley assumed that Leon didn’t like her based on his standoffishness, but when she’d approached him about it soon after they’d made it stateside, he told her that he just wasn’t really an affectionate person. He learned to accept her hugs slowly, but surely over the years.

As it turned out, the brooding air he carried was typical of most anti-bioterrorism agents. That late-2004 night Ashley met other agents from the DSO and the soon-to-be BSAA, not that she knew much about either organization. Most of the agents were male - the strong, hardened type. People that could realistically kill her in one punch. She was constantly watching her back after Spain, so she felt safer knowing that she had dozens of Leons in the room.

There was one agent that would put all others to shame: Jill Valentine. The coolest of cool. All of the men around her were either infatuated with or terrified by her, sometimes both. Ashley personally just admired her. Her confidence, her power, her beauty.

Ashley went for a stylish little number that night, wearing a designer dress that cost more than most people’s rent for the month, but still, she was not on Jill’s level. It was nothing to do with money or prestige because Ashley, as the president’s daughter, had more wealth and status than she knew what to do with. It was about coolness - an intangible, ineffable quality.

Leon introduced the pair with the typical “Ashley this is Jill, Jill this is Ashley”, and Jill went in for the handshake, not a hug like most of the women in the room. Most of the women weren’t Jill, though, they were all somebody’s wife or somebody’s daughter, but Jill was somebody. She bridged the seemingly impossible gap between woman and operative with a feminine chivalry in her handshake.

“Jill seems so cool,” Ashley remarked to Leon once they were alone again.

“Yeah,” Leon said, not quite as fixated.

Leon knew the look in Ashley’s eyes way before she did.

“Looks like someone has a crush,” he teased.

“What?”

“You’re staring at her, Ash. I wouldn’t be surprised if cartoon hearts replaced your eyes.”

“Shut up!”

Yeah, Ashley was blushing, but it wasn’t because Leon had actually clocked her. It was just an embarrassing thing for him to point out even if it was false. Which it was.

Then again, when she mulled over the night in her mind that night, Leon’s comment refused to leave Ashley’s head.

I’m not a lesbian. I like guys, so I don’t have a crush on her, she thought, I can’t have a crush on her.

It wasn’t that Ashley was homophobic. In fact, many of her friends from school were gay and she’d gone to the pride parade in DC that past June. She wouldn’t have a problem accepting herself if she were a lesbian. But she was pretty confident that she wasn’t.

The holidays were coming up, and if you know anything about America, you know that Christmas at the White House is a big deal. December is basically a month-long party. When she’s not being held up by the press or forced into a photo-op, the parties can actually be kind of fun. Ashley’s the kind of girl who communicates only by Christmas carol beginning December 1st. Initially, it seemed like the 2004 holiday season was not going to be so cheery. Every news outlet needed their fix of “post-Spain president’s daughter is A-OK” content. But since she’d gotten home, Ashley’s father had become more protective of her, maybe out of guilt, or maybe out of love. This holiday season she would not be followed around by reporters because the Secret Service was ordered to keep them away from her. Yeah, it’d suck to be surrounded by a group of men with a grouchy disposition, but at least they didn’t talk. They were practically allergic to conversation.

Leon texted Ashley to let her know that he’d be coming to one of the many, many celebrations planned for that December, to which she replied without thinking, “Do you know if Jill’s coming?”

L: “I don’t know. Do you want me to ask her?”

She could hear Leon’s teasing tone through the words on her screen.

A: “No!”

L: “Okay.”

A: “I mean, you can if you want, but don’t tell her I asked.”

A few minutes went by before she received another message from Leon.

L: “You’re in luck :)”

A: “XD”

Ashley then had to go on to explain to Leon the concept of XD and XP. They didn’t cover that in all the paramilitary training he’d gone through.

As soon as Leon made it to the party, Ashley was gushing to him about Jill, not that she’d admit it was “gushing”. Ashley went on and on while Leon sipped his champagne in relative silence. Free champagne was always the best tasting. It might have been the alcohol giving him a buzz, but he did start to feel a little bit warm inside listening to Ashley’s ramblings.

Little did either of them know, Jill was having a similar discussion with Chris across the room.

“She’s totally into you,” Chris insisted.

“Really? You think?” Jill tried not to stare, but it was hard not to when Ashley was twirling around the room with tinsel lighting up her hair.

“Everyone’s into you. You’re like the most badass woman ever.”

“I think you might be projecting your thoughts onto ‘everyone’, but thanks for calling me a badass, I guess.”

Jill patted Chris, her personal cheerleader, on the back.

When Ashley left Leon’s side for a moment to talk to whoever had just arrived - Leon was exhausted and not really paying much attention to names - Chris approached him with a conspiratorial look on his face.

Chris looked around the room to see if anyone was listening to their conversation before leaning closer to Leon casually to whisper, “Ashley’s totally into Jill, right?”

“Oh yeah,” Leon confirmed, “but she won’t admit it.”

“Jill’s convinced that Ashley’s straight, so she won’t go, you know, chat her up.”

“Even Ashley herself is convinced that she’s straight.”

From afar they probably looked like they were chatting about women they wished they were man enough to hit on, whispering and pointing vaguely at the two girls. No one would know that they were matchmakers in the making.

Ashley returned to Leon’s side, forcing the two men to put their conversation on hold.

“Hi Chris,” Ashley said with a smile.

“Hey Ashley. You look great tonight.”

“Thanks. It’s Versace.”

“I don’t know what that means, but I take it it’s expensive.”

“Very.”

Jill, who’d gotten caught up at the bar ‘mingling’ with some government officials, rejoined the group. Chris took her by the shoulder, pulling her into the conversation.

“Leon and I are going to go get another round. Do you ladies want anything?” Chris asked.

“Just got a brand new one myself, so I’m good, thanks,” Jill responded, holding up her full champagne flute.

“Ooh. Can you get me another one of these?” Ashley asked, thrusting her glass at Leon.

“What is it?” He looked at the pinkish remnants of liquid contemplating its contents.

“Just tell the bartender ‘it’s for Ashley Graham’ and he’ll know.”

Ashley, herself, wasn’t quite sure of the exact recipe, though it tasted like it had more than a hint of grenadine in it.

The moment Leon turned away to retrieve her refill, Ashley said, “You’re really pretty, Jill. I mean, your dress, it’s really pretty. I like it.”

Ashley’s cheeks were pink, realizing that she’d said something a bit more flirtatious than she’d intended. The drink must’ve had more alcohol than she’d thought because she was already making a complete fool out of herself, or so it seemed. It was true, though, that Jill’s dress was really pretty, a subtle blue, that complemented her blue-gray eyes, eyes which Ashley was trying not to get lost in.

“Thanks. I wanted to wear a pantsuit originally, but I was told a dress would be more ‘festive’.”

“You could totally rock a suit.”

“You seem to have a good handle on what’s fashionable these days, so I’ll keep your advice in mind.”

“I just read a lot of Cosmo and Elle, you know.”

Jill nodded, pretending to know about fashion magazines.

“Have you seen the Blue Room yet?” Ashley asked, hoping an exclusive White House tour would be enough to impress her.

“No, I haven’t. Are we allowed back there?” Jill didn’t care much about Christmas decorations, but if she got to spend time with Ashley, then she could pretend to be interested in whatever Ashley liked for a little while.

“I am,” Ashley said proudly.

“Is this an offer for a behind-the-scenes tour of the White House?”

“Yeah, I can even show you the Oval Office if you want.”

Ashley looked back at one of the Secret Service members behind her who only glared back.

“Okay. Maybe not the Oval Office,” Ashley said. Then, leaning over, in a whisper, “They’re a little on edge tonight.”

“Who?”

“Secret service. Otherwise, I could probably convince them.”

“Are they following you around?”

“Yeah, my dad doesn’t want any reporters hounding me about Spain, and neither do I.”

“That makes sense. People don’t really take into account how traumatic an experience like that can be and don’t even realize how insensitive it is to constantly be asking questions.”

Jill followed Ashley out of the ballroom, completely forgetting about the men they’d left at the bar. Who needs men when you’re getting a tour of the White House from the president’s daughter who is almost impossibly beautiful. Along with her designer dress, Ashley was also wearing tinsel in her hair and a necklace of battery-powered string lights. It was actually quite fitting that she’d put a flashing rainbow on around her neck. If her actions didn’t say ‘I’m gay’, her accessories sure did. Jill would’ve thought the ensemble looked tacky on anyone else, but Ashley managed to make it look festive, maybe even avant-garde. Though, fashion terms weren’t her area of expertise.

In the corridor, Ashley turned to face Jill, “They put all these articles in the news saying how happy they are that the president’s daughter is home safe, but they don’t even treat me like a human being when they talk about me.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. After Raccoon City, I remember constantly being asked questions about everything that happened, and I couldn’t even remember most of it. I passed out for days,” Jill said, trying to be sympathetic without raining on everyone’s parade.

Ashley’s holiday spirit surprised, yet delighted Jill. Knowing what Ashley went through, she would’ve expected her to be bitter or closed-off, but she retained this vibrance and sweetness that was charming.

“Wow. I don’t know that much about Raccoon City. Leon brought it up once, but he didn’t say much, and I didn’t want to ask him.”

“Yeah. There's solidarity between all of us who went through stuff like this. A silent solidarity, but it’s there. Especially silent on Leon’s end.”

Ashley had gotten to know Leon well over the course of those past few months, and yet, he was still a mystery in many ways.

“He’s definitely the quiet type. Sometimes I wanna open up to him about the whole thing, you know, Spain, but I’m sure he’s the last person that wants to talk about it.”

“If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you.”

“Really? That’s so sweet of you.”

“Of course. I’ll give you my number.”

Ashley couldn’t help but notice how the hundreds of lights strung around the blue rooms’ Christmas tree reflected off Jill’s face, how she glowed, how she was far more beautiful than the angel that took its place on the top branch of the tree. There was a moment of peaceful silence where she stretched out her pinky finger, not even realizing what she was doing until she felt the tip of Jill’s pinky touch her own. Similar to the moment before someone kisses you, where it becomes inevitable, the slow rush of butterflies to the stomach, but with an added tenderness, a sense of sweet innocence.

Leon and Chris appeared near the entrance to the room, but were stopped by a Secret Service member. Ashley had to step in with a, “they’re with me”, before the two men were allowed to be within 100 feet of her.

Chris, ever the opportunist, spotted an ornament on one of the many Christmas trees in the room, and swiped it. It was mistletoe shaped. He dangled it above Ashley and Jill, causing Ashley to blush and leaving Jill to be the one to initiate the kiss.

Jill deftly snatched the mistletoe from Chris’ hand and dangled it over him and Leon. Chris seemed surprisingly receptive to the idea, but Leon, on the other hand, looked a bit nervous. He cleared his throat and tried to hide the pink rising in his cheeks.

Hey, at least the blood wasn’t going anywhere else in his body, right?

Ashley held in her giggles while she watched the event unfold. Jill continued to hang it over them both, letting them know there was no way out.

“C’mon Leon,” Chris said.

Leon rolled his eyes, but he seemed to enjoy the kiss he and Chris shared.

Jill and Ashley were caught in their own little world, barely paying attention to either of the men, when they rejoined the conversation. They both slowly retreated once they realized they weren’t going to receive the attention of either of the women.

“Do you think they’re offended that we were ignoring them?” Ashley asked.

“No,” Jill said, “I think they get it.”

Get what? Ashley thought.

Jill’s lips were on hers again and she understood ‘what’.

At some point, the two noticed guests beginning to file out at a more rapid rate - people always came and went, but now the party was wrapping up. Jill looked at the clock and realized how late it was.

“Oh, wow. I didn’t realize how late it was.”

“Time flies when you’re having fun, right?”

“Right. I should get going, but I hope I get the chance to see you again soon.”

It sounded like a question that Ashley didn’t know how to respond to except with a ‘yes, absolutely, please and thank you”.

She said, “Yes, I have your number, so I’ll call you, if that’s okay.”

“Sure.”

Pulling away from their goodbye hug, Ashley kissed Jill on the cheek without really thinking about it. Luckily, before she had the chance to be embarrassed, Jill kissed her back.

Jill was leaving the room when she turned back to Ashley and said, “If you see Chris, tell him I left. He follows me around like a lost dog sometimes, so I don’t want him to get confused and end up roaming the halls for the next few hours.”

“Will do,” Ashley said with a smile.

She did start to wonder where Chris and Leon were. She hadn’t seen them in quite a while. Since most people had left, her security loosened her leash a bit, and let her wander off on her own to some extent. She eventually found Leon and Chris making out in an otherwise empty room. As much as she thought Jill might like that story, she was sworn to secrecy.

#fic recs #jill valentine x ashley graham

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whitetrashjj · 3 years ago

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crying my eyes out at your MLA format essays cuz not every queer storyline in media has to be rooted in angst of coming out. i get some of the points you’re trying to make. i also don’t think the show is queerbaiting but jjpope had just as much “evidence” as jiara had. like please explain why jj was so keen on kiara liking john b just cuz she kissed him on the cheek and then went and kissed pope’s cheek?…. like in jj’s mind a cheek kiss means liking someone and he did that to pope. also there ARE shots of jj’s lingering gaze towards pope lets us not lie here lmao. i get that you’re sick of people calling u homophobic i dont think u are for not shipping jjpope i also dont think the show is queerbaiting at all but you go on about “storytelling povs” and “lack of critical thinking” when YOUR critical thinking is literally biased as hell 😭 u can ship jiara all u want but jj and kiara, ESPECIALLY KIARA, are both very much queer coded and if u gonna say they’re not bc of some cheesy sTorYtELLiNg bullshit that u probably learned from a youtube video then you’re just biased to your ship.

You know why I have to write those 'essays'? Cause I get asks like this that brush over a bunch of different topics and I want to make sure I not only address every part of it but also make sure I'm making my pov very clear so I don't have people misinterpreting what I say - even though they still do - or accuse me about random bitching without and reasons or justification. Anyway get ready to do some crying cause you are getting another essay.

I know not every queer storyline has to be rooted in the angst of coming out. I wish there were more that weren't. It's the reason I loved booksmart so much. It's one of the reasons I love Dare Me, because that show had sapphic leads and while their relationship was at the core of the show. It wasn't the fact that they were queer that was focused on. Oh god I could rant about Dare Me forever.

Now my point with JJ and Pope is that we don't get the impression that the boys are currently out as queer. JJ from the start was set up as a bit of a womaniser, a bit girl mad - it would have been very easy to make that gender neutral if he was bi, as I headcanon. With Pope it's the same, I personally view him as gay, but if he was bi/pan it would have been easy to show him like that as we see him attempting to flirt on two occasions. Now this isn't to say that in future seasons they can switch it up as if it was always canon, like they did with Clarke in the 100. My point however, isn't to say that JJ and Pope releasing their sexualities and feelings has to be filled with angst, the example I gave can very easily be played a bit cutely - even if they do address the internalised homophobia that I'm just sure would effect a character like JJ - but just that based on my experiences as a queer person and what I know to be experiences of others that it would realistically play out differently to how it would with a m/f couple. Even then when to comes to friends to lovers in general the removal of physical intimacy when that tension starts to build out of awkwardness is common, it doesn’t play out the same way that ships like JB and Sarah do in which they increase in physical intimacy.

I didn't bring jiara into this. I didn't go out comparing jjpope and their interactions to jiara, I was simply speaking to how jjpope's relationship was portrayed. In terms of 'evidence' I am more than aware the jiara wasn't written to be a developing romance, anything there was created by what the fans saw and choices made by the editors. But it is also a canon fact that at the very least JJ is attracted to Kie, that all the pogues 'kinda have a thing for her' and that he has 'tried' something with her. Even if the intention of those things wasn't to build to a relationship - they did happen and that's not up for interpretation. I'm not gonna bring up the 'did you tell JJ?' thing cause it still confuses the hell out of me.

The thing with the cheek kisses is that it's not the action in itself that made it a romantic thing. A handshake can build romantic tension when framed that way but that doesn't make every hand shake in that piece of media suddenly romantic, make sense? If you compare the two scenes we have the build up of Kie walking up to John B, a close up of a lingering cheek kiss, the pull back with lingering looks and then the reactions of others who have observed it and picked up on something. It frames it as a significant moment with slow beats. That's how you build romantic tension. With the JJPope one it just flows past it, JJ pulls back from the hug, a quick peck on the check and a 'love you too man' with a smirk and pat on the check. We don't even have a second of Pope's reaction to it. Do you see what I mean?

You can love that moment as a shipper. I mean it's a great moment that really highlights their dynamic. To you it's a dynamic that you see and think oh this would play out so well romanticly, it's a dynamic I see and think oh I love their friendship. Each of those are valid reactions. But it isn't a moment that has been intentionally framed to build romantic tension and suggest a budding relationship.

Darl, I swear to god if I was coming to you with my shipping bias' this would be a very different conversation. I know I will always have them and I will lean into them when I'm on vc with shes, theys and gays and we are getting lost in headcanons but I do my best take a step back when I talk about these things here because I've been in fandoms when you have two extremes and no one relents and it's awful, I don't want to create that space. And once again, I did not bring jiara into this. My original post was not a comparison to jiara.

I am very curious about your perspective on queer coding here. Because yes, JJ has chaotic bi energy and I will die on this hill. But I do not see how he has been queer coded. Other than people seeing a man being physically affectionate with another men and insist that can't be platonic. As with Kie I can see it more, not for a second do I believe that what went on with Kie and Sarah was straight. And I desperately want to see Maddie play Kie as pan to rep her own very underrepresented sexuality! And in terms of how she's written, stuff like being an astrology bitch and environmentalist scream queer to us, I do think it is important to note that the writers of the show being who they are would necessarily have the same impression of what a queer womans traits would be. In regards to that scene in ep 1 where they have the hot touron girl and then JJ, JB and Kie all perking up and doing the nod thing? I don't think anyone has a straight explanation for that.

The 'sTorYtELLiNg bullshit that u probably learned from a youtube video' comment made me laugh cause it reminds me of this guy I had a fight with on the weekend over Remus and Sirius being queer and he decided to undermine my argument by saying 'just because you read it on reddit doesn't make it true' which... yike. Any way, maybe you do but I don't have the tolerance to sit down and watch a youtube video on someone analysing a show. All my interpretations come from years of writing actual essays analysing elements and themes in media. As well as having a keen interest in direction and editing, so I pay a lot of attention to those things and you start to notice patterns. In terms of credentials I don't have any but I do think these 'essays' do an alright job of me not only explaining my interpretation but why. Because I'm not someone to just say things and expect that to just be accepted or think that is makes it true.

#obx #outer banks #JJ and pope #jiara #JJ maybank #kiara carrera #pope heyward #lara answers

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ronbegleyformayor · 4 years ago

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Y'know throughout most of the series, especially after sammy was revealed as gay and everything with lily and jack really started picking up steam I couldnt shake the sense that something was just. Wrong. Like my brain kept telling me something was up with so many parts of the series feeling not right and scrolling through your blog made everything make sense honestly. The found family thing with ben and sammy, as if that's a new thing for sammy to 'discover' how jack felt less like a person and more like a source of angst for sammy. Just...everything, like I knew there were good reasons why the representation in king falls felt so off but now it's all actually laid out in front of me.

yeah I'm sorry :/

if it makes you feel any better I do genuinely think that the show still has the potential to be good. I'm doubtful, but I wouldn't still be here if I thought all was lost.

and yeah, I want to be careful with how I talk about this, but the discomfort you felt that you couldn't put your finger on is the result of a straight writing staff writing queer characters.

I want to be clear here: I’m not trying to dissuade straight writers from writing queer characters. I have in the past praised the writing of sammy and lily’s characters especially as they’re both grounded and three-dimensional, and I stand by most of that praise. I would much rather a writer try and write a queer character with as much realism and thought as they can than not try at all, and in most cases I care more about them trying than being 100% accurate in a portrayal.

where I draw a line is in episode 85 and the last five or so episodes of the show, and specifically in their response (or lack thereof, since they really do a good job in insulating themselves to criticism). my frustration comes when they don't listen to their queer audience. at least in my opinion you don't have to be in a minority group to write about said minority group, but if fans of the show in said group raise criticism in my opinion it's incumbent on you to listen to them.

I don’t think creators owe their fans anything, but I do think it’s rather telling of the king falls am crew that, for example, ben’s entire storyline and major character growth (mainly his relationship with emily) happens in the first 75 uninterrupted episodes of the show, while we’ve had not one but two hiatuses for sammy and jack and lily to suffer. this should probably go without saying, but acting like the only way to really empathize with your queer characters is to see them suffer is falling into a homophobic trap. it’s not intentional, but it’s damn frustrating, and even more so to know that if we’re lucky if this hiatus will only last a year. meanwhile we’re here waiting to see if maybe, maybe this time the gay characters won’t suffer too much.

people in minority groups deserve to see themselves depicted in a positive light, and I'm just sorry that in a lot of ways right now king falls is falling short of those expectations. it is not selfish to want to see yourself represented, and it's not unrealistic to ask more of creators when you think bad choices have been made.

#kfam #king falls am #once again as a disclaimer: not blaming them from taking longer bc of quarantine etc #I stand by my statement since they had said that it was going to be october at the earliest pre-quarantine #which like. 8 months is still too long thanks :)

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ace-trainer-risu · 4 years ago

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omg i would like to know the hated author...

OH thank you for asking I was. of course secretly deeply hoping someone would ask so I would have an excuse to go off.

The author [dramatic pause] is VE Schwab!

Now I will pause (again) to say that I just spent like two hours writing a six page long essay on exactly why I dislike her as an author (I don’t know anything about her as a person so no feelings there) but then when I reread it I started to feel worried that it might hurt someone’s feelings who really likes her as an author, so this is a slightly redacted version.

But basically there are three things I hold against her.

For context, I’ve only actually read one book by her, A Darker Shade of Magic. But it’s not just that I didn’t like it. It’s that it left me angry. I read it a year ago and I still get furious when I think about it. It is, in my opinion, a profoundly toxic and hateful book.

While at the same time also being a very boring and bland book.

So that’s point one) I just don’t get the hype. I read ADSM b/c I saw it recommended everywhere, but I really don’t get why? It’s not very well-written. Purely on a technical level her writing isn’t bad, but it’s not good either, its very...okay. The world building was really disappointing (it’s about four alternate worlds but they’re all almost. exactly the same. which was super disappointing. and also she seems to be under the illusion that london is like the most important place in the world?) The characters are bare minimum sketches, they basically feel like she came up with an initial concept and then never went any further. The characters aren’t particularly likeable or compelling, either, except for one character who...I felt like you weren’t actually supposed to like, lol. The pacing was actively bad. The plot doesn’t really start till around halfway through the book. I actually started ASDM twice and gave up on it the first time b/c it was boring. when I tried again the second time, I thought I had only read maybe the first quarter of it on the first try b/c I couldn’t remember anything happening, but it turned out I had actually read about half, its just that nothing happens in the first half.

to be fair, I have read reviews of a different book she wrote which specifically praised the writing, so maybe she just did a shitty job on this book and she writes better in her other work?

point two) if you only pay attention to the text of the story, it’s fine! again, its not particularly compelling but its fine. but if you pay any attention to the subtext, its...really misogynistic and queerphobic. its incredibly pervasive through the whole text.

for one thing, the female protagonist is introduced and is immediately like “Oh. I hate all other women.” (No one asked!) which is not necessarily bad in and of itself, except that...not only is her sexism never called out or contradicted, its actually actively supported by the text. there’s only one other important female character, and she’s Evil(TM), and also gets killed. the very few other female side characters are either someone’s mom or are portrayed as being extremely shallow and vapid and silly. they act exactly how the female protag despises women for acting. so...I don’t think its intentional but you’re left with this weird impression that the female protag is completely justified in her internalized misogyny b/c apparently all other women ARE bad. also, the female protag likes wearing boy’s clothes, which is great, but there’s this weird vibe that girls who don’t wear boy’s clothes are like, dumb and bad and sexist. I think the author is trying to critique repressive female clothing in the past (female character is from regency era england) but she does it really badly and instead accidentally(?) implies that girls who wear skirts are like. dumb sluts. a very weirdly sexist take. like it literally feels like this book hates women and specifically hates them for wearing “women’s” clothes. *also not the point but it’s really funny that of all the time periods to critique for restrictive clothes, she picked regency england. ah yes, the torturous constraints of...empire waisted dresses and minimal or no corsets. dastardly!

for another thing, the queer rep is just...so so bad. there’s one explicitly multisexual person (bi or pan isn’t specified but something along those lines) who gets tricked by a manipulative man older than himself heavily implied to be gay (bad) and gets horribly injured and almost dies (bad) basically just so the straight male protag can have angst (bad!).

the manipulative guy implied to be gay is in turn being magically controlled by...a different! manipulative older man (bad) and is strongly implied to be sexually abused by that man (bad) and the straight main character literally never tries to help him in any way (bad) and ultimately kills(ish) him (bad) but it’s revealed that he basically chose to die (bad) because it was like, the only way he could ever escape his suffering (very bad!!) and the main character then! uses! his dying body! in a spell! to save his own fucking life! and basically disposes of his still alive! body into hell like he’s garbage (so bad I’m literally still fuming of it over a year later)

and then there’s the guy who is manipulating that guy, who is an older man heavily implied to serially abuse and assault teenage boys and young men (bad!!). he also dies too which is fine and good in and of itself...*

except for the fact that of our three queer-adjacent characters, two die and one is horribly injured and almost dies. two are abused and one is an abuser. two are used as angst-fodder for straight characters and one is literally sacrificed, coldly and selfishly and without his consent, to save a straight character’s life. they’re all closely associated with injury and death and trauma and abuse and it’s suggested that death is the only escape.

subtextually speaking, this book hates queer men and punishes them for existing.

*note: I want to specifically say that “enjoying abusing teen boys” does not automatically make a person gay or queer. that’s not what being gay/queer means. HOWEVER, there is a long and ugly history of gay men being portrayed as predators who deliberately prey on and abuse younger men, and this character plays directly into that stereotype, and that is why I included him. not b/c he’s positive queer rep but exactly because he isn’t

thirdly) about a year ago there was a bit of buzz about ve schwab writing a book with a canon asexual character...except I looked into it and a) it’s not actually canon at all; the book only says he’s disinterested in sex, which is by NO MEANS the same and it’s shitty to conflate the two when there’s a vast spectrum of asexual experiences (to be clear, it would be one thing if the text said he was asexual AND disinterested in sex. to say he’s disinterested in sex and that equals asexuality is a whole other thing, and is wrong), and schwab then confirmed on her twitter that he’s meant to be asexual. That’s not the same its not the same and we all know its not the same. b) this character is in fact a villain, which is frustrating when asexuality is FREQUENTLY and harmfully associated with people being heartless and unfeeling and evil and like, literal serial killers; to be fair, as I understand it the majority (all?) of the characters in these books are villains, so that’s less bad, but to be fair again, apparently this specific character is also portrayed as being, like “a sociopath” which is ableist AND goes back to all the stuff I said above. and c) what really annoys me is that in her tweets at the time she was very smug about this and fully patted herself on the back. she did half-assed, unresearched “rep” which wasn’t even actually canon and then acted like she was doing ace ppl a favor. excuse me, I didn’t actually ask to be represented by you.

SO YEAH that’s not the...medium and short of it. the long and short is reserved for a Cursed(TM) google doc filled with my rage. but the tl;dr is that I think she’s an overhyped writer who wrote a profoundly misogynistic, homophobic book and trumps herself up over rep she didn’t actually do a good job of providing. and I would definitely never read another one of her books. The End!

#things you didn't care to know about veronica #negative #veronica reads things #I don't want to tag her name in this so it doesn't come up in searches since i'm being mean #should i censor her name? please let me know if i should censor her name and i will happily do so #the ask and the answer

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yikesharringrove · 5 years ago

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hello!! i was just wondering if there is anything like au’s, kinks etc. that you really don’t vibe with so that myself or anyone else won’t make you uncomfortable by asking you to write about it. much love 💕

Honestly, there’s not a lot I WON’T write. Even if it’s not something I’m into as a human (like kinks and stuff) I’ll still write it, even if it icks me out a little. honestly, my hard lines are like hard lines.

I also want to say who I’ll write. I’m a Harringrove blog, first and fucking FOREMOST, but I love Stommy, Keg Boys, and Buckleway, and would be down as hell to write Stonathan and Stoncy. ( I LOVE Jonathan, but I have trouble writing Nancy. Just can’t find her voice really.)

I’ll put them under the cut bc I’m gonna talk about stuff people may want to avoid, plus she’s LONG

So, I WILL NOT write incest. That includes Billy/Max bc in my brain and how I like to write them is as brother and sister, that they’ve fixed their relationship, so yes. Which leads me to...

I won’t write for any of the kids in a sexual context. Most of the actors are minors, are that makes me feel yucky to think about writing these characters that way. When I’m writing a sex scene between Billy and Steve, in the show, yeah they are teens and that IS underage, but you’re thinking of characters played by ADULTS. Joe Keery is like, almost thirty. He’s a GROWN MAN. That’s why I won’t write the kids like that. This includes writing kid/teen like Billy/Max of Steve/Dustin and aged up, because it just makes me feel weird picturing these real life CHILDREN somehow aged up in sexual situations.

As far as content, I’m okay with most things, including triggering topics. I try my best to give proper tags and warnings, and if it’s something I DON’T have experience with, I do A LOT of research for my fics. I’ve also gone through some serious shit and use writing as an outlet for it, so I don’t mind writing heavy topics. Things that trigger me specifically, are like super weird things (ex: the song Dancing Queen. Yeah. I fucking know. Used to love that song and now I can’t fucking listen to it) so I have the emotional energy to write pretty dark stuff.

I hate Karen Wheeler and fully refuse to write Karen/Billy (outside of like, Karen hit on Billy and it was grsss!) that’s BIG YIKES to me and their scenes made me v uncomfy. I don’t think I could write Billy/Hopper or Steve/Hopper either, they need him as a father, not a daddy.

I won’t write Harringrove as abusive. These two mean the WORLD to me, and tbh they’ve both dealt with enough abuse. Sometimes I’ll see dark fics where one of them is going through something and becomes abusive towards the other in some way, and that’s just not my jam in a pretty big way. I love fluff and softness for these two because they deserve it, and that’s what I write. Most of my angst has happy endings too.

As far as kinks, that’s my hardest line. Like I said, most shit I will write. There’s a lot of kinks I don’t know much about, or would never be interested in trying myself, but I don’t mind researching it to write it. How I actually write kink is to find articles written by people who participate in and enjoy that kink so I can get more of an understanding of it, what it feels like, and why they participate in it/enjoy it, and then usually watch some porn of it. (which is SO FUNNY bc I’m watching like, hardcore kinky porn squinting at the screen with my glasses on figuring out how I’m gonna write and describe stuff lmao) so most kinks I’m fine with putting in the hours. With a lot of kink stuff I feel as long as everyone participating in it is consenting and in a safe environment, then go right ahead! So I’m not weirded or grossed out by much.

HOWEVER. Kinks I won’t write: -Shit. Usually I’m pretty live and let live, scat play is GROSS. Straight up. Full offense meant. Kink shaming is intentional. -Age regression during sex. I’m okay with writing Daddy Kink, and I wouldn’t mind putting in more research to write age regression outside of sex, but I DO NOT want to write something where they are actively pretending one of the participants is a child. That feels kinda questionable to me. Along with this is diapers and things like that in any context. From research I HAVE put into daddy kink, it’s not about actually pretending the dom is your father, it’s more about being taken care of. I am fine with all that, but to have the sub be pretending to be a child just makes something in me feel off when it is in a sexual context. Again, I’d be down to put in the research if you want to request someone who lives as a little or in a state of age regression and have the other person take care of them like a child. It would be pure fluff. I just wanted to make that VERY clear. -Blood in kissing. You’ll see in a lot of Harringrove when Billy has a split lip and they kiss Steve can taste the blood or something, that makes me feel REAL ick. HOWEVER, I’m a big dumb slut for vampires, and am good to write that, or gore, or even some murder boyfriends, it’s just when someone gets blood that’s not there’s in their mouth that’s pretty yikes for me. -Petplay is fine but I don’t want like, actually anthropomorphic

Honestly, I think that’s like, it? I was seriously thinking of kinks that like, personally I would NEVER want to try but like, I would write them. I don’t care. \

One thing you may or may not have noticed is that I don’t use the F-slur. I spent a lot of my life dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia. I identify as queer, (I always write Steve how I feel, where I fall in love with people above being sexually attracted to just like, a gender as a whole and personally, I can’t have sex without emotional intimacy, but that’s more of a trauma thing) I come from a really conservative place and struggled a lot with my sexuality and thought because I do like guys and have feelings for guys, I’m just straight and pushed down all of my other feelings for people of other genders away. It was actually really recently, after I went to college in a liberal city and met all different kinds of queer people I realized that 1. I have had feelings for LOTS of different people throughout my life (I was deeply in love with my best friend in high school in a SUPER gay way and just kept pretending I wasn’t lol) and 2. I don’t have to label myself if I don’t feel comfortable with that. So I call myself queer. Because I considered myself straight, literally until I was like, nineteen, I always thought of the F-slur as the same way I do the N-slur. I believe the word can be reclaimed by people in the groups it was used to dehumanize, but since I felt I WASN’T part of the LGBT+ community, I never used it. Even now that I have accepted that part of myself, the word just still feels very wrong for me to use. I don’t mind reading it, and it’s used really often in Harringrove fics bc Neil LITERALLY says it in canon, but I just can’t bring myself to type it out, so I just don’t. That’s a SUPER weird side note, but that’s why you may see in stuff I’ll skirt around Neil or Billy saying it.

So basically, I’m comfortable writing most things. Sometimes, requests may take longer because I NEED to put more thought into it, or more research or I want to get it right, for example the one I just posted with nb Steve and trans Billy, I did a lot of research and read a lot of things written by trans and nb people about their experiences and feelings, etc. as I’m a cis person and didn’t want it to be insensitive or fetishy or just straight up BAD. But I LOVE writing so FUCKING much, I will put in the time and do research to see your head canons and thoughts come to life.

One thing that takes me FOREVER is historical type prompts. I’m BAD at history, like remembering stuff in general, so while I LOVE to take prompts set in different time periods, please know it’ll take me a thousand years to fill.

If you read all this, thank you, and I’m sorry for going on weird tangents about stuff, I’m kinda weird and my brain doesn’t move in one direction lol. Please keep putting in requests and letting me into your ideas! I love it!

#yikes talks #yikes writes #Things I Won't Write #yikes won't write

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queeranarchist · 4 years ago

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Dear Writer

Heyyo!

It's good to see you here, this is a long exchange so the main thing is enjoying yrself so feel free to pick and choose or ignore this letter as you wish! And feel free to browse through my letter tag for more ideas.

Also, I’m on that full-time work and full-time uni degree grind so it probably will take me like a month to read the fic, does not mean I do not love it and I promise to get to it!! Don’t stress to much about a gap between posting and commenting <3

Now without further ado onto the letter:

General Likes: Trans characters, queer themes, queer solidarity, character development, strong gen. relationships and interactions with characters outside of a relationship, dialogue-driven story, non-linear narrative, animals, angst, hurt/comfort, character introspection

DNW: underage, a/b/o, past S7 for SPN

Supernatural

DNW: Anything past Season 7

Likes: boy king arc, Sam centric fic, queer Sam (I literally head canon him as anything with whatever pronouns), Bobby, trans Dean, religious iconography/themes, Sam being a lore nerd

Dislikes: Sidelining Sam 

Sam/Ruby

1. Ruby lives, I’d love to see how this plays out in Season Five. Whether she sticks with Lucifer or chooses Sam.

2. Sam goes dark side after freeing Lucifer

3. Earlier on Sam starts trusting her and fulfilling his role as the boy king. If this stops Dean from going to hell, changes the way the demons work etc

Sam/Jess

1. Jess lives au! My personal head canon is that Jess is pre-med and being very intent on saving people. When she finds out about hunting, she realises that she can’t just go back to being “normal” knowing people are dying. Maybe Sam decides to go back to law school and they have a semi long-distance relationship where she asks him for advice, maybe they hunt together every now and again. Maybe she joins Dean and Sam and they become a hunting trio.

2. Jess gets brought back to life – place this in any season you want! Go wild.

Dean & Sam

1. Dean keeps in touch with Sam during Stanford! Maybe from the get-go, maybe after a couple of years, maybe seeing each other, maybe just through postcards

2. I’d love to see them during S4 where their relationship starts to fall apart, but like also see them still loving each other

Sam & Dean & John

1. John gets a year to live instead of instantly going to hell AU – how do they react? Do they try to save him? Does John tell them?

2. I’d love a sort of non-linear story of them (especially Sam because it’s been so long) trying to integrate John into his adult life also looking at his life as a child/teen. You know the general angst about how he’d done it, he’d gotten away and he’s right back at square one. Also, Dean starting to realise that he isn’t a kid anymore, and he’s got his own thoughts etc

Sam & Dean & Cas - Cas/Dean & Sam

1. I want to see Sam and Cas and Dean being pals! I especially want to see Cas trying to figure out how he feels about Sam without heaven influencing him to think of him purely as the boy with the demon blood who will break the last seal. I wanna see Dean making fun of Cas with various misconceptions about the bible and Cas just taking it wildly seriously and not getting any jokes.

2. I’d love just a domestic-ish fic, let Sam drill Cas with questions about angels and heaven! Let Cas drill Dean and Sam about human culture! Would love to see Cas taking human culture things out of the context that Sam and Dean provide him, or maybe Dean purposely lies to him about something as a prank

Sam

1. Licherally anything in the boy king arc! I’d love to see him fulfilling his role as the boy king. This stops Dean from going to hell, changes the way the demons work etc

2. His time at Stanford! I’d love to see him adjusting to his new life.

3. I would love to see a bit more of him in Season Four! How he feels about Dean being chosen by the angels, how this affects his view on religion, how he feels about himself and the demon. Blood etc

4. Just some introspection anytime in the series tbh, love to see this boy struggle with wanting to be good, with wanting to be normal, and then um not being those things

5. I’d love a sort of non-linear story of Sam trying to integrate John into his adult life also looking at his life as a child/teen. You know the general angst about how he’d done it, he’d gotten away and he’s right back at square one.

Final Fantasy XV

Likes: fics that include the whole gang, trans Gladio, anything with Prompto, angst about destiny, angst about royal linage, character introspection

Noctis/Gladio/Ignis/Prompto

1. I really like angsty fics about destiny with this lot - I would love to see how the way in which they’ve been raised effects their relationship, be it being groomed to be king or shield or advisor. I would love a getting together fic, with whichever ship you wish to write, with a lot of internal angst.

2. I would also love a post cannon fic where Noctis is alive (magic, never died, skip over it entirely it’s up to you) where they all settle down, maybe Noctis lets the world think he has died so he can live a peaceful life?

3. Set between game cannon and Brotherhood, I‘d be down to see what these guys got up to in the years between high school and the road trip. Did Prompto and Noctis study after high school? Do they travel?’

4. Less of a prompt and more a vague feeling but like *slaps prompto* this bad boy can fit so much angst in it. Honestly he’s childhood is depressing af, with the lack of parents and friends combined with a shit body image/relationship with food I wld rlly love some emotional hurt/comfort with him and the squad

Noctis/Prompto

3. I would like to see a fic of Prompto integrating himself into Noctis’ life, Gladio and Ignis have been around his entire life, so how does Prompto feel about them? How do they feel about him? Honestly I’m 100% here for awkward insecure bby Prompto

4. Set between game cannon and Brotherhood, I‘d be down to see what these guys got up to in the years between high school and the road trip. Did Prompto and Noctis study after high school? Do they travel?

5. Less of a prompt and more a vague feeling but like *slaps prompto* this bad boy can fit so much angst in it. Honestly, he’s childhood is depressing af, with the lack of parents and friends combined with a shit body image/relationship with food I wld rlly love some emotional hurt/comfort with him and the squad

Naruto

Likes: the summons, Rock Lee, the squads and how they operate, Naruto getting to eat the ramen he deserves, Sakura being an actual bad arse fleshed out character, trans Naruto

Sasuke/Naruto

1. Naruto leaves and joins Sasuke on his mission to destroy to Leaf, talks him out of y’know murdering everyone but agrees that the Shinobi system is deeply fucked and needs to be fixed

2. I’d like a fic of Sasuke thinking about Naruto while doing all his plotting, be it set when he’s with Orochimaru or the Akatsuki, it would be nice to see him thinking about Naruto, wanting to stop doing so, wondering how strong he could have been if he had managed to kill him and gain the mangekyou earlier

Gai/Naruto

1. I’d like a fic set just before Kakashi gets his genin, really love to see Gai trying to talk up how cool having a squad is! Dragging Kakashi to see his kids and being like aren’t my team great! And then Team Gai getting into some crazy hijinks that make Kakashi a lil scared about the future but also maybe a bit endeared towards them

2. a fic of Gai watching Kakashi slowly loose himself while in ANBU, of him trying to make things right and not being able to and then eventually asking him to be removed from the forces

SDV

Likes: world building, farm creatures, small town hijinks

Sam/Seb

1. Angst about getting out of town, leaving SDV and becoming who they dreamed they would in HS

Sam & Seb & Abigail

1. Abigail talks them into exploring the mines

2. They pull a prank

3. Angst about getting out of town, leaving SDV and becoming who they dreamed they would in HS

#f5k #letter

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steven-falls · 5 years ago

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Steven Universe Future Critically reviewed: Little Graduation (An underwhelming end to the LarSadie arc)

Basic synopsis: Sadie reveals she has a new partner, Shep. Steven takes the news badly, believing that there are unresolved feelings between Sadie and Lars. But what about Steven’s own feelings?

‘Oh no! Our ship!’

Wow, this has got to be Steven Universe’s craziest use of foreshadowing yet!

So, the LarSadie ship that sailed through rocky waters for the past 5 seasons has finally sank. Am I as devastated as Steven that the two of them couldn’t work things out?

Nope.

To be honest I’m pretty glad. Lars was always kind of dickish to Sadie, and Sadie’s best character moments tended to be in episodes where Lars wasn’t involved. So nothing but a net positive for Sadie that she’s moved on.

The conclusion that the audience are supposed to come to is that yes, Lars and Sadie not being together is for the best. The two of them have chosen different life paths, and seem content with the paths they’re taking. But we’re also supposed to sympathise with Steven to some degree; it’s a bittersweet ending that the two of them couldn’t work things out.

But I honestly just don’t care.

The main reason being that I had no investment in Lars and Sadie’s relationship whatsoever.

I think what really stunted the Lars and Sadie arc was how it was shackled to the Steven only perspective. They actually lampshade this in the episode. When Lars and Sadie explain how they have already discussed their relationship with one another, Steven exclaims ‘but I didn’t see any of that!’. This being a nod to how the audience only sees what Steven sees. It’s meant to be this cute little in-joke, like the crewniverse is saying: ‘Ha ha we know the Steven only perspective is something our audience has issues with but we’re still not doing anything about it!’ I didn’t find this amusing, I just found it irritating that they would point out limitations in their storytelling methods without actually doing anything to try and fix them.

‘We can take what we’ve learned to other planets!’

Alright settle down you store brand Steven wannabe.

In theory, I think the way the Lars and Sadie arc was concluded is quite nice. They live separate lives now, but are still happy for one another. What I think is lame is that instead of seeing how their relationship developed first hand, we instead have to settle for being told all this happened off screen. This is a textbook case of telling instead of showing.

Like, the only reason we, the audience, weren’t allowed to see Lars and Sadie’s private conversations was because Steven wasn’t there to witness them. And it's always going to be more satisfying for an audience member to see how a situation or relationship develops first hand rather than just being told ‘oh yeah, by the way, while you were gone this happened.’

I already stated that I don’t particularly care about Lars and Sadie. But if I have to sit through an episode about their relationship anyway, maybe actually getting to see an intimate conversation between the two of them would have given me a reason to care.

Ew, Buck’s eyes are gross

Steven’s mere presence limits how much you can develop Lars and Sadie’s dynamic. Because Steven always has to be there, anytime the crewniverse want to do a Lars and Sadie episode they first have to invent a reason for Steven to get involved. Which means he takes up screen time away from all the other characters, who are already less developed then he is because they aren’t around as frequently.

And what makes this worse is that Steven’s connection to Lars and Sadie is a little flimsy. He’s just some kid who was customer at the shop they used to work at. It’s kind of weird to use Steven as the viewpoint for their relationship when he tends to only see one specific facet of their lives.

Which leads me into my second issue with Lars and Sadie. That they as characters, and by extension their relationship, was too far removed from the main plot of the show.

You’d think Lars having to escape the tyranny of Homeworld would have made him a more integral presence in the plot, but it really didn’t. We barely got to see any of his escape from the gempire. I’m still not sure how he even managed to get off homeworld in the first place.

This problem isn’t unique to Lars and Sadie, other relationships have also suffered because of the Steven only perspective, a prime example being Lapis and Peridot. I actually think one of the best developed relationships in the show was Rose and Greg’s. We got to see that relationship unfold first hand from Greg’s perspective, rather than it being filtered through Steven acting as a third party observer. I’m not even saying they’d have to write Steven out of entire episodes, just don’t have him be the focal character in every single scene. But considering this is the final season of steven universe, It’s obviously too late for any of that.

At the end of the day, I’d say my biggest criticism of this episode is the rather lackluster send off to the Larsadie arc. And considering this episode’s purpose was to conclude the Larsadie arc, that’s a pretty bad thing for the episode to fumble.

I realise that was a pretty lengthy tangent about Lars and Sadie, but considering this episode is supposed to act as a conclusion to that arc I feel justified in harping on about them. But what were my thoughts on the graduation itself?

Padparadscha and Fluorite’s teachers must of had the patience of a saint.

One thing that jumped out of me was that while a lot of characters attended this graduation, most of them were awkwardly silent throughout the whole thing. With Sourcream, Buck and the off colours not getting any lines. I know the reason is because they don’t want to pay all these voice actors to have only one or two lines in an episode. Why bother giving Sourcream and Buck lines when you can convey everything you need to through just Jenny? But it gets pretty noticeable when all these characters are facing certain death and have nothing to say about it. Especially for the off colours, who don’t even get to talk at their own graduation. This may seem like a nitpick, but noticing stuff like this takes me out of the episode as I become painfully aware of where the production is cutting costs.

Also apparently the cool kids are still all teenagers? They seemed to be pushing they’re late teens back when Steven was 14, they’re really stretching it now. And it doesn’t help that none of them have visibly aged.

The jacket for phone idea is cute and all, but it’s completely impractical. What if I need to answer a phone call or reply to a text? Do I have to unzip the jacket everytime? Wouldn’t the jacket just fall off the phone? Either that or it would partially cover the screen, which would be annoying. This business isn’t getting my investment that’s for sure.

And of course, I got to talk about Shep. Finally, the show has some actual non binary representation, you don’t have to settle for a boy and girl literally fusing together anymore.

Shep’s gender is so ambiguous that they’re able to get past all censoring. I don’t think it would even register with any conservitive parents watching that this is supposed to be a queer character. They can’t complain about a same sex couple in a cartoon if it’s left completely unclear what Shep’s sex is.

Although, I do have a fear that foreign dubs of the show might portray Shep as a male.

Shep is also ultimately the one who saves the day. They make an accurate diagnosis of Steven’s issues, despite barely knowing Steven. Which is pretty hilarious to me as being the unlicensed therapist is usually Steven’s role.

I’m sure this was an intentional subversion on the crewniverse’s part. And it does give Shep an actual character moment, without it they’d just be a love triangle plot device for the episode. But I don’t like this trope of some stranger swooping in and having an answer to your life's problems; I think the advice Shep gave would have been better suited coming from someone who actually knows Steven.

‘It seems like your sad about your friends drifting away, so you trapped us all in this dome to keep us from leaving’

Like yes, that’s exactly what’s happening, but I don’t understand how you know enough about Steven’s life to come to that conclusion.

I also can’t get over how everyone casually dismisses that Steven nearly killed them with magic he couldn’t control. None of them seem to see this as an issue that could get worse in the future.

And of course it does, as Steven’s angst magic ends up taking a deadly turn again in the very next episode ‘Prickly Pair’. Which is what I’ll be discussing in the next review. Hopefully my opinion of that episode won’t be as… prickly.

#little graduation #steven universe future #LarSadie #SF reviews SUF #suf critical #su critical

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niceprophecies · 6 years ago

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Nope. Just no.

Today while browsing the tags I came across some very short and very angry text posts. Stating that some Johnlockers are not going to be fooled again, that they won’t watch Good Omens, because it all sounds too familiar and not in a good way.

Let me tell you this show is nothing like Sherlock. Good Omens has healed my broken Sherlockian heart. Everything I could have wished for Sherlock and John to become true is right there. And more.

A forbidden love between two enemies that cannot be (or can it?). The longest and most delicious slow burn in human history, spanning over the course of 6000 years (and still one of them is not ready, ‘You go to fast for me, Crowley’). A desperate situation, ending in a breakup. All the angst when one of them thinks the other one is gone forever. A reunion (thank God one without any aggression, yeah Mofftiss, I’m looking at you, this is not dull at all!). And an ending where ‘A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square’ (a romantic love song in case you hadn’t guessed).

What we don’t get is the constant denial of being in a relationship with each other from either of the two protagonists. And believe me, over the course of six hours of screen time this is often enough heavily implied or openly stated by supporting characters. What we also don’t get is some female love interest. Not once in 6000 years. Alright, Crowley once threatens that he has plenty of other people to fraternise with. This is a classic rom com move and of course they do have to play the jealousy angle, it’s just too delicious. No, but seriously. Humans are nothing to be interested in. Our angel and demon have only eyes for one another.

‘But they haven’t kissed. We are once again denied The Kiss. A Kiss is the only proof.’

Let me tell you that actually no. It’s not. This show is the living, breathing example that this thesis is wrong. Any Anathema/Newt shippers around? No? And why is that? We get some proper heterosexual fornication here, and guess what? It leaves everyone and their dog stone cold. (Or worse, bored or slightly embarrassed). This is because sex doesn’t do shit for your heart! The central couple in this story are two queer celestial beings with whom you suffer and rejoice from their first line to the last look they share. And by the way who is to say that they didn’t do ... whatever it is celestial beings do to show their affection? At least in this show we might not get a kiss, but we get another bench scene and in this one our couple is holding hands. Holding hands to swap bodies. Swap bodies which is quite an intimate trope per se, but on top of that with the intent to save each other’s lives (thank you so much team locations for the park bench scenes, they alone helped me get over the god awful scene between John and Sherlock where there’s only pain and pining that never gets resolved).

That’s what we get from the show itself. Now let’s have a look at their respective creators, shall we?

[x] [x] [x]

We have the creators continually expressing their firm belief that these characters are in love.

Then there are the actors. No denial. They talk openly about this romance in interviews. Michael Sheen especially can’t shut up about it. Even when he’s not asked. Well, what can you expect from a man who has been a fan of the book since 1990 and who openly admits in print media that he has “turned to the large body of fanfic“ in order to prepare for his role?

[x]

Compare that to Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch who scoff and sneer at Johnlockers and blatantly deny any relationship between their characters short of best buddies.

And then there’s @neil-gaiman himself. Adapting his own novel with the intention to stay as close to the source material as possible. He repeatedly stated he wanted as little overall changes as possible to honour his co-author the late Terry Pratchett whose dying wish was to make this story come alive on screen. An author who takes his time to patiently answer every ask on his twitter account or his tumblr blog, and of course there have been shippers asking these questions. Here are Neil Gaiman’s answers: every reading is valid, every interpretation is welcome.

In a blog post he wrote: “Terry Pratchett and I were talking about Crowley and Aziraphale over dinner the other night and wondering what they'd been up to ("...on the South Downs? You really think so?").”

Asked about that quote in a q&a in 2005 his reply was: "Well, what they're doing on the South Downs is sharing a cottage. Next question?"

[x] [x]

Now go and compare this to Moffatt’s and Gatiss’ Cambridge q&a shortly after s4 had aired and everyone was still raw with disappointment. When asked if fans could possibly interpret one of the last scenes of ‘The Final Problem’ as Sherlock and John again living together in 221b, they flat out refused to even acknowledge the possibility. What little grace it’d have cost them to allow their loyal fans to build whatever head canon they wanted? Yet the all knowing author gods (who weren’t even adapting their own creation like Mr. Gaiman, but only writing big budged fan fiction for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories themselves) had to pry this last wilted straw from the hands of the Johnlock community. ‘We imagine John still living at his old flat, occasionally coming over to help Sherlock solve his crimes...’ (and no, if anybody asks if I wouldn’t please give a source for that, I would rather not. I’m getting nauseous only thinking about it, and I won’t look back. You either take my word for it, or climb down into the vaults of my archive on @constancecream. It’s all been well documented.)

Sorry for sounding harsh. I apologise if I offended those in the Sherlock fandom who still enjoy the show, or worse, those who still have hope. It is just no longer for me.

After two years of bitterness, Good Omens has given me some sense of closure. I finally got confirmation that it is possible to tell a beautiful, romantic, queer love story while staying faithful to its source material. The creators have elegantly managed to give their audience the best of entertainment without alienating their fandom.

Go and read the book. Look and see for yourselves what’s on the page, what’s implied between the lines. Good Omens is brilliantly funny and a delight to read. See for yourselves if you pick up on any Crowley/Aziraphale vibes.

If yes, then go and watch the show. I promise it won’t disappoint you.

#good omens #sherlock #neil gaiman #michael sheen #fandom #steven moffat #mark gatiss #queerbaiting #spoilers #mystuff

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nandalorian · 6 years ago

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So. I wasn’t going to post about Roswell, but now I am, so buckle up because this is going to be a long one.

A lot of people on Tumblr, Twitter, and the wider internet have, over the last few days, very intelligently posed criticisms of Roswell’s representation of POCs and queer characters in the context of Malex. While I have to be upfront about the fact that the problematic writing has made me apprehensive of seeing the show through to its next season, I’ve been pretty quiet on that front as I gather my thoughts and figure out what I need to say. As a white woman, I am upset and dismayed by the token and tone-deaf representation, but I feel like that’s not mine to speak to when there are a lot of people of colour in this fandom who can and should take this opportunity to explain, criticize, and educate the rest of us on how the show has failed and how it must do better. In that regard the most worthwhile contribution I can make is to listen and amplify those voices and their thoughts, feelings, experiences, and insights about the negative and at best lazy representation of people of colour on the show.

But as a bisexual woman and a professional writer and editor, I am in a position to criticize the queer representation from a political and social standpoint, but also a creative one. I am going to break this post up into two parts because there’s a lot I want to address about two separate issues, and I think the waters will get muddied if I try to combine it into one post. So let’s talk about Malex first, which is the subject about which, oddly enough, I feel the most calm. Depressed af, but mostly calm.

More under the cut.

A lot of people have already written about Malex or Tweeted Carina and the production team far more eloquently than I can manage, but the thing is, while I do have issues I’ll get into in a sec, I... actually think they have done a good job of writing Michael as a bisexual man and Alex as a gay one. That isn’t a popular opinion at the moment, but hear me out, because I have a lot more to say on the subject of bisexuality that doesn’t concern Michael Guerin. The show’s struggle isn’t entirely that their politics are bad. I do think the intentions are mostly good--mostly--but what I want to speak to is the breakdown between intentions and how those intentions translate to the screen through the medium of writing, direction, and the actors’ performances.

I don’t want to dismiss or disregard anyone who feels differently since that view is also totally valid and a lot of people have raised very fine points to that end. This is just my interpretation, so take it with a grain of salt and feel free to disregard or not. But my take is we can’t boil down the show’s issues to saying oh it’s biphobic or homophobic where Michael and Alex are concerned. I don’t think it is, not inherently.

The show’s struggle is that the writing is often so sloppy, rushed, and disjointed that it’s impossible to tell whether they don’t fully understand what positive queer representation is and what it isn’t, or if they just don’t know how to do it justice on TV. Perhaps it’s a combination of both, and right now I’m not writing off either possibility.

But I’m inclined to think it’s the latter. To be clear: the Malex/Maria triangle is shitty writing because love triangles frequently are, and they’re really, really difficult, if not impossible, to get right. The reason I think so many of us are up in arms about it is because the show rushed and stumbled its way through a 30-second supercut of Alex and Michael’s relationship from the word go, just enough to get us hooked before abandoning it for something else.

We’re pissed because it’s like they got us addicted to black tar heroin and then took away our fix just as the night sweats and shaky hands started to kick in, and at this point my life since episode 1x11 has been like a bad Trainspotting withdrawal montage. I don’t think they have intentionally baited us, although that is what it feels like. It’s taken a lot of angst and going back and forth on my part to arrive at this conclusion, and I will say I still waffle about it some days. But bad writing is bad because it pulls unintentionally negative reactions from people due to being misunderstood, or from creating all these wild implications the writers didn’t necessarily intend or realize were present in the final product.

The fact that Carina has to take to Twitter to explain each episode to viewers shows the quality of the writing or lack thereof. If it were stronger, she wouldn’t have to do that, but the show suffers from chronic exposition, incredibly bad pacing, and an overreliance on plot devices to advance the story rather than gradual and necessary character development. Sorry if that’s harsh, but the editor part of my brain sometimes wants to weep during episodes of Roswell. Oftentimes a bunch of shit will happen in an episode that doesn’t even progress the story, leaving us or the characters at exactly the same place they started off.

In short, everything happens too much. The characters feel like they have no agency because they are always reacting to one thing after another every episode, not even a second for them to breathe and be and let us see who they really are when the world isn’t on fire. And that’s all the characters, not just Alex and Michael, although arguably we have a bit more insight into the primary characters like the Pod Squad and Liz. But really, everything suffers as a result. The characters seem thin or underdeveloped and the sense of urgency, tension, and risk disappears even from theoretically high-stakes scenes like a live shooter at a hospital because we don’t get to see who the characters are in their normal lives. We don’t fully know what’s important to them before the next explosion happens.

Adversity is a helpful writing tool because it can show us who characters are under a certain set of high-pressure circumstances, but boredom and normalcy is just as important for character development. You can’t tear down what we don’t know exists. Star Wars: A New Hope wouldn’t have been half as effective if we hadn’t seen Luke Skywalker in his day-to-day life before that simple life was upended and he got the call to adventure. The first stage of the hero’s journey is necessarily the boring part because we can’t cross from the known to the unknown world without seeing what the known world is.

We never really… get that with Roswell. Not even for a second. So of course we feel cheated of bisexual or gay representation in the show because we never actually get to see Michael and Alex in any kind of sustained relationship, healthy or not. It’s just conflict conflict conflict with a bit of sex and longing gazes thrown in, followed by more conflict and then the relationship ending in favour for a new one. All hat, no cattle. (Literally.)

With Michael we get to see some of his routine and him being himself with his family, etc., and a lot of that has to do with the incredible performances Michael Vlamis delivers week after week, although even then, that suffers. Rather than start us off slow and building relationships from the ground up, the season begins in conflict, so that it has the effect of it seeming like the town of Roswell has been vacant for 10 years and everyone moved back in the same day and started catching up on each other’s lives after a decade apart. You don’t get the sense that anyone really talks to each other, even though most of them have been living in the same place their whole lives. Every single relationship, from Isobel and Michael, Max and Michael, Max and Isobel, even Maria and Michael, could have been strengthened if they’d taken more time to lay that groundwork ahead of the conflict. Especially Maria and Michael! Imagine how much better this season would have worked if they’d had an existing relationship, friendship, or flirtation before Alex got back. By this point we’d be nodding and probably going, “Okay, I get it. I might not like it, but I get it.”

Alex by comparison is a total cypher where his background and his day-to-day life is concerned. We know almost nothing about him outside of his history of abuse, his tragic backstory with Michael, and his role in helping to uncover the mystery about the fourth alien. Yes, we’ve gotten to see that he is blunt and fiercely loyal to his friends, and he has serious issues with needing to be in control, which are all valid from a character development standpoint. I have come to desperately crave any and all scenes with him and Kyle because that seems to be when we get the most significant moments of character insight like that wonderful “I’m talking about a conversation, not a war” moment. But how much else do we know or understand about him that is canon, not fans’ headcanon?

Furthermore, the lack of context and representation around Alex’s disability as a veteran, amputee, and potentially as a PTSD-sufferer is really dangerous and feels like tokenism. The way they’ve written the existence of his injury feels inconsistent, and while showing his residual limb during a love scene was significant, they ruined any goodwill we might have developed toward them for that by simply never engaging with his disability again. Same with the fact that he is of Indigenous heritage, which we know FROM A TWEET but which the show has never actually engaged with explicitly, in a move taken straight from the J.K. Rowling Book of Bogus Representation. We don’t quite have enough information to know yet whether this is tokenism or bad writing, in Alex’s case, although I sincerely hope it isn’t the former. Based on everything I’ve seen so far, though, my hopes aren’t high, because it kind of feels like the writers want credit for representation when they haven’t actually done the legwork (yet?).

Maria suffers a similar lack of character development, and what started off promising when we got great scenes with her, Liz, and Alex and then met Mimi has quickly deteriorated to her being nothing more than Michael’s new love interest. As a woman of colour, that is lazy and shitty on multiple levels, and I just about hit the ceiling in 1x11 when they not only showed a black woman being drugged and her body used against her will--could you be more tone-deaf to those implications?!--but had two white women (Jenna and Isobel) accusing Maria of being a murderer to another WOC (Liz). Maria’s very thin character development in the latter half of the season has had the dual effect of making us feel like we’ve been cheated out of a relationship we have gotten attached to but haven’t been given time to fully appreciate or understand (Malex) and thrust into a new one that feels weak, arbitrary, and rote by comparison.

I actually don’t object to the idea of Michael and Maria as a couple. They have great chemistry. But I do object to the lack of development they’ve given us on either front, either Michael/Maria or doing serious justice to Malex as a ship. To think all of that could’ve been solved if the writers had slowed down the show’s pacing and actually given themselves and the characters time to breathe and get to know each other, and us them.

What I feel a lot of straight/white/cis/able-bodied writers don’t seem to understand is that representation takes care. It’s great to say you’re going to write a diverse show and have lots of representation, but it’s for naught if you don’t also understand that you can’t write diversity in the same way you’d write a character coming from a place of privilege, be it racial, socioeconomic, gender, sexuality, ability, etc. Part of that privilege is having a lot of generally positive understanding and assumptions about those characters already built in, especially from your viewers who share that privilege. Writing diversity takes WORK, a lot of attention to detail, sensitivity, and most of all the ability to listen. It takes a lot of consultation with people who have those experiences and know what they’re talking about, because the experiences, assumptions, and biases of nondiverse writers just can’t fully capture what minorities know and live every day of their lives. To do otherwise is how we arrive at whitesplaining, mansplaining, straightsplaining, etc. If you’re a white/straight/cis/able-bodied person and think you’ve done enough to positively represent your diverse characters, that probably means you need to do more. It’s not for you to judge how much is “enough.” That’s for your consultants and, most importantly, your viewers. And if those people are telling you you’ve missed the mark, the next best thing you can do is stfu and listen to them and try to learn how to do better, not get defensive or start patting yourself on the back for everything else you’ve done.

I think those principles can be applied to all the representation on the show, including that of POCs, the differently abled, and the queer characters. I think the writers have done enough with Michael and Alex as queer characters on their own, but they’ve missed the mark on doing enough with them together. Because--and I know this will come as a shock--part of writing queer characters is also giving us well fleshed-out queer relationships. They started off down that road, but at some point the road abruptly ended and left us as viewers feeling stranded in the middle of a desert. That’s uneven writing that results in a feeling of uneven representation, and as far as viewers are concerned, it amounts to the same thing.

Carina’s attempts to explain why they’ve done nothing wrong to viewers via Twitter and social media is sheer intentional fallacy. And while we’re at it, I’ve spent a lot of this season wanting to take Twitter away from her and throw a copy of “The Death of the Author” at her head instead. It’s not enough, Carina. What you intended isn’t enough if it’s not there on the page or visible to us on the show. As a writer she should understand that, but instead she is getting defensive of her abilities as a screenwriter and showrunner when fans pipe up to say whatever she intended isn’t translating properly. We aren’t seeing that representation, which means the writers need to do more than what they think is “enough.”

Add into that a rushed, arbitrary love triangle with an underdeveloped black female character and an underdeveloped gay POC with a disability, especially when those two characters are also best friends whose relationship is severely threatened as a result, and there’s no wonder why viewers are up in arms about this. I don’t think the love triangle makes Michael seem like an indecisive or promiscuous bisexual--and anyway, since when is being promiscuous a bad thing. It just makes him and Maria seem careless of Alex’s feelings and like Alex is the victim, which they could have avoided by taking their time with the characters/relationships, especially the vulnerable ones, or by avoiding such a lazy and unnecessarily dramatic trope in the first place, or at the very least establishing the characters and their relationships enough that our current situation felt more organic.

So really this kind of leaves us at an impasse, I think, as fans. I think people ought to keep speaking up to Carina if they think that will help, but I think it’s also important for us to be able to separate bad politics from bad writing, or at least be able to engage with them as separate things that occasionally (or frequently) overlap with disastrous consequences. I’m sure there are a lot of people who will disagree with this utterly, and that’s fine. Could be I’m totally wrong, and I am aware that I’m probably giving the writers too much credit about what they may or may not have intended.

But with regards to Alex and Michael, maybe it will help to understand what’s happening from this standpoint and tailor our approach accordingly. We really can’t take it upon ourselves to make demands upon the show in terms of what story they want to tell, but we can certainly complain when they aren’t telling that story effectively or when it alienates viewers, especially on points of diversity and representation.

But I don’t know. It could be the only way to make ourselves heard, to tell the writers when they are and aren’t doing “enough,” is to vote with our time, attention, and viewership, whether that means continuing to watch the show or stopping altogether. And that’s kind of a bummer, because there was a lot of potential. But if the quality of the storytelling is unable to make heard the voices and experiences it ought to, especially with such a receptive, enthusiastic audience, then maybe it’s time we start looking for other shows that do a better job, or better yet, continue to keep telling and creating our own.

Those are just my thoughts. Please feel free to discuss with me in the comments or via DM, because I’m still talking through this stuff and welcome the conversation and any alternate or opposing viewpoints.

I’ll be back in a bit to share a second post with my far less forgiving thoughts about Roswell’s representation of queer female sexuality, because that one’s a doozy and the gloves come off. Sorry not sorry in advance.

#roswell new mexico #malex #alex manes #michael guerin #meta #biphobia #representation

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nellie-elizabeth · 6 years ago

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Really long and rambling Queliot analysis...

Okay, so I have some Queliot Thoughts that I wanted to write out before the finale murders us all. This isn't discourse about the show's handling of queer rep. I have thoughts about that too, but this is more about the relationship and how I view it in universe, not in terms of the writing/authorial intent. This gets very long so I'll put it under the cut.

Also I wrote this quickly and didn’t really edit for content so seriously please be warned... this is kind of a mess. Here goes.

I'm such a fan of angst and obviously I love all of the angst-y interpretations of everything post-3x05 given the conversation we learn about in 4x05. But before I saw 4x05, I always sort of had this different interpretation of Queliot in the aftermath of the mosaic timeline, and I find it really compelling.

So, Q and Eliot get their memories of the mosaic timeline back, and it's obviously really emotional and intense for them both, but their memories aren't necessarily crystal clear. Some things feel incredibly real and immediate, but other things feel like they happened in a dream, or under water, or just slightly... off. But without realizing it, totally subconsciously, they just sort of... operate like a couple. Not in terms of confessing their love or holding hands or anything obvious like that, but they're just so comfortable and in sync with each other. Their minds are used to living in close quarters, sharing a bed, sharing the little pains and joys of everyday life, and so they just keep doing it without meaning to. We as the audience get to see that play out in 3x06. Eliot doesn't even think about what he's doing, he just straightens Q's clothes for him, and they lean into each other on instinct, El giving Q that little forehead kiss. (Obviously in light of Eliot's rejection, that scene seems super sad to us now, but I also like the idea that it's just an ingrained instinct for them to behave that way).

We know, from a writing standpoint, that the revelation in 4x05 wasn't something that was planned all along, it was developed as they were writing that episode. That means that the majority of season 3 doesn't take it into account. So, when Q is being tormented by the depression key, none of his insecurities or self-loathing are tied back to Eliot, and the rejection he has just faced. But if you go with this interpretation, Q doesn't feel insecure about Eliot. I kind of love the idea that even though Eliot regrets what he said to Q, he wasn't 100% wrong, either.

Now, by that I don't mean that Eliot was right when he said they wouldn't choose each other. That was hurtful, and it sucks that El didn't trust Q to know his own mind in terms of his sexuality in particular. I absolutely think Eliot owes Q an apology. But there's that moment when Eliot reminds Q that they've just been hit by 50 years of emotions all at once. I think there's some truth to the idea that jumping in to a serious relationship would have been a mistake. (I want to pause and say that my head-canon is all in service of an eventual Queliot endgame, OF COURSE). Q and El remember this life they've lived together, but I don't think that those 50 years have stuck entirely in their minds and their development, if that makes sense. This goes back to my theory that their memories, while real, retain a certain element of dream-like or hazy quality to them.

In that moment, if Eliot had said yes to Q in the throne room, they probably would have been so happy. For a while. But I think Eliot would freak out any time something came up that they hadn't had to deal with in the mosaic timeline. I think Q would be too nostalgic for a life they never lived, and I think the pressure to replicate or repeat that life would have torn them up inside. Let's say that in the moment, Q is crushed by Eliot's rejection, and El hates himself so much for being a coward that he locks that memory inside of himself and never thinks about it.

And let's say that the next day, Quentin has had some time to think about it, and he decides that his relationship with Eliot is good. It's always going to be good because it always has been. They can be together, be a couple, or not - and neither option is going to ruin their long and loving life together. Neither option could possibly cause a rift in something so fundamental and true in both of their lives. Eliot and Quentin are not ordinary friends, and that was true long before the quest took them into Fillory of the past, and it will be true long after, no matter what.

Think about their relationship - when they meet in season one, they are both deeply damaged people. They do a very destructive thing under the influence of the emotion potions and Eliot's substance abuse, and have sex with each other and with Margo. And while this causes huge problems for Alice and Q, and while Margo and Q have their falling out over it, Eliot and Q seem... fine. They never really have an on-screen apology or reconciliation, because they didn't have a falling out. Q yells at Eliot in that scene in 1x12, but El is way too fucked up and in his own head to really care. As Eliot heals his own issues, he and Q come out of the whole thing stronger than ever. They've been loving and supporting each other since they met, and I think when you compare their friendship to the other ones in Q's life, it's really the most stable, consistent support system he has. Obviously Alice really loves him, and obviously Julia is awesome and they get to a really good place eventually too... but Eliot is really the only character with whom Q doesn't have a lot of bumpy road to travel.

So Q is disappointed that Eliot doesn't think they should give their relationship a shot, but Q also knows Eliot really well. Maybe he doesn't fully understand that Eliot regrets rejecting him, because Q's not a mind-reader, but I think Q does know that Eliot loves him, and that's something he can be confident about, no matter how that love manifests.

Throughout the rest of season 3, Eliot is repressing the fact that he fucked up and he wishes he could be with Q, but Q is quietly, contentedly, finding ways to move on from the hopes he briefly had that maybe he and Eliot could be together. Q will always love Eliot, and if he knew how Eliot was feeling, he'd probably fight for them and all that... but his heart isn't shattered into a million pieces or anything. He gets to be Eliot's friend. He gets to love him always, and that's enough for him.

The end of season three arrives, and Q makes his choice to sacrifice himself and stay with the monster. So many people have tied this decision to Queliot, saying that Q was willing to give up his freedom because he had nothing to live for, since Eliot doesn't want him. In my less angst-y interpretation, Q is being a hero. He's making a sacrifice. I also think, applying Queliot to the decision, he feels like he's already had a wonderful, full life. He got to experience marriage and fatherhood and growing old. That ties in with his conversation with his dad. He's willing to sacrifice a lot to bring magic back, because in some ways he's not sacrificing anything. It's obviously not a happy thought, spending eternity in a castle with a scary monster, but it's something he's genuinely willing to do. Eliot, on the other hand, is not in the same good place emotionally that Quentin is. He's simmering with love and regret over the loss of his loving partnership with Q, in a way that Q doesn't understand because he took Eliot's rejection mostly at face value, and forgave him and moved on from it in a mostly healthy way. That's why Eliot can't respect Q's choice, and shoots the monster with the god-killing bullet. He can't stand the thought of never seeing Q again.

Flash-forward to 4x05. Q is in a really bad place because his dad is dead and he believes Eliot is dead, not to mention all the drama with Alice suddenly showing up again, and then Eliot does The Thing - he breaks through and he says "proof of concept" and he says "peaches and plums," and Q is so fucking relieved and he loves Eliot so fucking much, and now he has hope, a desperate, frantic hope, of saving Eliot's life. I think the whiplash of losing Eliot and then the potential of getting him back is probably enough to stir up a lot of the emotions that Q thought he had put to rest. But, in keeping with what I've written above, Q hasn't been harboring a broken heart all this time. He's been in love with Eliot, sure, but that was a settled part of him, something true but dormant, if that makes sense. We can't forget that when 4x05 starts, Q believes that Eliot is dead, and hasn't seen Alice since her terrible betrayal. During the course of one single episode, Alice is back in his life, and he talks to Eliot, discovering the chance to get him back. These are his two main love interests of the show, and there's definitely a parallel being drawn with the fact that they're both suddenly back in his life at the exact same time.

I want to take a moment to say that I don't actually have a big problem, character-and-plot-wise, with Qualice. If Queliot had never been introduced in canon, I'd probably root for them. I don't think I would have been an avid and passionate shipper, or anything, but I'd find the story compelling. In fact, I still do find it compelling, I just no longer root for them to end up together. There are so many stories with the will-they-won't-they element, but there's something cool and slightly different about Qualice, in my opinion. We don't have to wait long for the "will they." They do, half way through the first season of the show. And then they break up in a spectacularly dramatic way, and Alice dies shortly afterwards. For the rest of the show thus far, their romantic plot thread has been about seeing if they can crawl their way back to what they once had, and even if they get there, is it what they remember? Are they the same people who fell in love with each other? Often in genre shows, where death is impermanent, the deaths of major characters are there for plot reasons, they're there for angst reasons, but often the lasting effect of something like that doesn't really play out. Here, the ramifications of Q and Alice's relationship from season 1 are only just starting to get unpacked here at the end of season 4. Some people might find that incredibly aggravating, because they're sick and tired of the relationship, but I actually find it compelling, as long as they don't erase Alice's development for the sake of her love for Q.

We also have to remember that the story's not over yet. Q and Alice trying again makes perfect sense to me, given everything that's happened on the show so far. But it also makes perfect sense to me that they finally work out that while they will always love each other deeply, they aren't going to make it as a couple. If we look at how I've imagined Q's inner thoughts and feelings since 3x05 happened, he's not wallowing in misery over Eliot. He loves him, but he loves Alice too, and he doesn't think that Eliot is an option for him right now. Maybe the "proof of concept" thing threw him for a loop, but Q has known all along that Eliot loves him... that was never a question in his mind. He still believes that Eliot decided not to be with him, despite the fact that they love each other. And Alice? Alice was his first love. Alice is someone who he hurt deeply, and who hurt him deeply in return, and Q likes to fix things. He wants to fix this, and I say it makes perfect sense for him to give it a try.

So how would I go from here, if I were in charge of the show? Well, let's assume that Q, Alice, and Eliot all actually walk out of the finale tomorrow alive. I'm not sure I think that's likely, but let's pretend. Obviously we get an awesome reunion hug, and tears and joy and Margo is there and Eliot gets to cuddle with her and with Q and everyone cries.

So now we’re in season 5. Eliot learns that Q and Alice are together now, and while he's disappointed, he decides to follow through with the promise he made to Memory!Q when he was trapped. He pulls Q aside and tells him he's sorry for what happened when Q asked him to be with him. Q is a bit startled at the apology, and Eliot explains that he deeply regrets being so dismissive. Eliot isn't sure if the two of them would have worked together or not, but that's not the point. Q was being open and vulnerable and honest, and Eliot brushed it aside. He downplayed the importance of their life together on the mosaic quest, and he hates himself for making Q think he was alone in his feelings. Q tells Eliot that he understands, and he's happy to think that maybe now they can share their memories of their life together without this barrier between them. Q leaves the conversation at first feeling like he's gotten some closure, and Eliot is wrestling with a totally unfamiliar feeling of jealousy and heartbreak as he watches Q and Alice go on with rebuilding their romance. (In my head-canon, Eliot was never jealous of Arielle and the three of them were in a totally happy, loving, devoted poly relationship, so Eliot has truly never felt jealous of anyone over Q before).

But then, because this is The Magicians, some magic shenanigans brings some stuff to light. We've seen the show do stuff with sex magic before, with Q and Alice, and there was Penny-23 worshiping Julia, so I would want there to be a scenario where maybe sex magic was required, but there's a twist about it being between life-time lovers, or something. Or maybe it's a truth serum that forces people to reveal any and all secrets, so Alice and the rest of the gang finally learn about the mosaic timeline. Something magic-y and plot-important-y happens that forces Q and Eliot to talk and think more about the mosaic timeline, in some form, and Eliot, either out of necessity because of the magic, or because of the emotions it brings up, confesses to Q that he's still in love with him and wants to be with him.

Q is shocked, and confused, because he felt like he had reconciled his love for Eliot and his love for Alice in his mind. He loves them both, and since Eliot doesn't want to be with him like that, it was okay for him to love them both and try to build a life with Alice. But now? Suddenly realizing that Eliot is an actual option for him? It hits him that he really wants that, that he had it backwards. He thought Alice was the love of this life, and Eliot was the love of a life he once lived. But instead, Alice is the memory of something he once had that made him really happy, and Eliot is the here-and-now. But he's made a commitment to Alice, so he's incredibly torn. I want Alice to be the one to dump Q. She realizes that he's thinking about staying with her out of obligation, and she tells him she deserves better than that, and runs into Kady's arms and decides that she needs to be single for a while, and continue to work on redeeming herself and finding her purpose and goals in life.

But now, see, Eliot is insecure because he thinks if Q chooses to be with him now, it's only because Alice decided not to be with him. It goes back to the whole "not when we have a choice" thing. We'd have a couple of conversations, some insecurities and doubts, and then some other dramatic plot-y thing would happen where Eliot or Q are in danger and the other one has to do something heroic to save them, and there's a desperate thank-god-you're-alive kiss, and that leads to an honest conversation and a decision to try and see where their relationship might take them.

Aaaannnd... scene.

This ended up way longer than I thought it would... lol. Congrats if you actually got to the end. I think the reason I felt compelled to write this is that I wanted to see a way of writing Queliot that felt actually true to the character development we've seen on the show thus far. When I'm reading fic, you can bet I LOVE reading about how Quentin is madly in love with Eliot, and Alice is a non-factor, or how Q and Eliot have both been silently pining ever since 3x05... but that doesn't square with the canon of the show. How do we reconcile what we've actually seen on screen, in terms of Quentin's character development, and Eliot's and Alice's as well? I think the above analysis is as sound as any other I've seen, and if the show actually follows through on the Queliot build-up, it would be an organic way for them to start to bring that relationship to the forefront without betraying Q's canonical and on-going love for Alice, and the fact that there's no hard textual evidence to support the idea that Q and El have actually been pining for each other this whole time. Just because they've got other people in their lives, even other loves, doesn't mean they couldn't still end up getting together on this show.

Fingers fucking crossed.

#my posts #queliot #the magicians #magicians #quentin coldwater #eliot waugh #alice quinn #the finale is going to kill me dead you guys

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bat-to-da-robs · 5 years ago

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Heyo [name redacted]. I've composed a very long expose (I use the word ironically, of course 🤣) on The Trans Stuff(tm). Just to give you some background, if you want it. If this is how things are done (they don't really cover coming out in the NT social skills books, unfortunately for me. I've been floundering for the past 18 yrs).

If whatever I end up writing is too long for any feasible attention span, I respect that 🙂.

1) I grew up in a Christian household. There are a lot of things my parents are uncomfortable with when it comes to me. The autism is one of them. I came out as gay at 12, because I didn't know what being trans was. They weren't comfortable with that. They weren't comfortable with the trans bit either when that came to light when I was ~14.

I don't blame them for it, but I do carry a hell of a lot of shame around it that I might not have in different circumstances. It's one of the reasons I really struggle to come out. Even though I know your political beliefs, and was basically 100% sure you'd be chill, I still worry irrationally, you know?

2) did you know, that you're significantly more likely to be trans if you're autistic, and vice versa? I'll send you through a link to a study on that in the next text, if you're interested.

My dad was very happy when he found this out, because to him, it meant that my transness wasn't real. It was just my autism tricking me, and I was too mentally disabled to notice.

That was a tough one to work through.

Every person has masks, right? We all put on different personalities for different circumstances. Some people are just more aware of this than others.

You're autistic, I'm sure you'll get it. At least for me, the idea of being 'fully' myself, or even marginally relaxed in a social situation is laughable.

I hurt people when I was a kid, yknow? I was a know it all. I was selfish/self-absorbed. I was cruel. All without my intention!! I didn't know I was autistic! I didn't know that I was breaking social rules and upsetting people left right and center. But I was. And as such, (as overly dramatic as this sounds outside of my head, omg), I have to mask socially. Both for people to take me seriously, and to insure that I don't hurt/belittle/disregard others.

But I value this nebulous concept of 'the truth.' (I know this is an autistic trait, but sometimes I get tired of patholagising every aspect of my personality). But I'm autistic and I'm queer. And, at least in my black and white mind, that leaves me feeling like I'm 'lying' every time I mask. So I feel guilty (to differing extents) every time I interact with people.

Because I have an 'autistic' mask that I wear when I'm with my autistic friends. And, in my opinion, it's way less effort to perform that mask than some of my others. But maybe 70% of the time I'm actually performing my NT (or more NT anyway) role.

And then I'm like. Am I lying to the people I 'NT it up' for, cuz that one feels less authentic? Or am I lying to you, because that's a mask I wear less often?

And then you add the trans bit into the mix and I feel like I'm stuck always lying. And always making people uncomfortable. And always being too much.

There are a lot of people who are proud of their queer identities. I am. Ish. I like the fact that it's made me way more empathetic. It dragged me kicking and screaming out of a really intense brand of Christianity. It's introduced me to the beautiful and fascinating complexity of the human condition.

If I could change it? I'd think about it, pretty heavily, but at the end of the day, I would change it. If I could be cis/straight? In fact, even if I could possibly be allistic?

I'd do it.

God, it would make life so much easier for my family. I break their hearts like this. And that, in turn, breaks mine.

4) I'm autistic. I know first hand that autistics can have incredibly rich internal lives, can be philosophical. (Not to be overly self-aggrandizing but) Can be very intelligent.

I'm educated about autism. About what it means. About how it doesn't make me lesser, even though I may look more 'stupid' on my bad days.

And even I struggle to believe myself with these two really confronting conditions (autism and transness). I often fall into the trap of thinking I'm just stupid, or attention seeking, or fooling myself cuz I have nothing better to do.

If I, a person who is deeply educated on this topic/this intersection, often can't stomach it, what hope do random strangers have?

I've seen people react so badly to me in the past, over and over and over again. Just decide I'm too much. For them. For their kids. And they go from liking me to ghosting me.

I'm no social expert, but I'm intimately acquainted with what disgust looks like on a person's face.

Or not even disgust. Just. That they know better than me. They know I'm just confused. They know I'm just young, looking for attention.

They know I'm making a grave mistake.

I hate when I can look at one of my friends' lives, and think I can see very clearly what's wrong, but I can't tell them, because they won't listen to me.

I hate that other people feel the same way about me.

I hate the certainty I get, clawing in my gut (oof, gotta love cliches), that they're right, and I'm too stupid to actually know anything about myself.

5) I don't want to be trans. I really don't. I try so hard to be a non-confrontational person. And I've landed on what feels like one of the more contentious issues in our current times. Everyone seems to have an 'opinion' on trans people. I dunno why I put that in scare quotes. It seemed appropriate.

Life's confusing enough. And people look down on autistics and on trans people. I swear, I'd be alright with one of them. Two's too much.

6) I don't have the money to transition. I don't have the time to transition. I don't have the family approval required to transition. I don't have the self-acceptance required to transition.

I don't have the stamina to keep living in this horrible fucking shell long term. I don't have the stamina to stay in limbo, feeling like I'm perpetually waiting for my life to start, stuck in a never ending preliminary.

I'm terrified of transitioning. The idea of staying as I am terrifies me too.

I'm on antidepressants. I wonder if one day, they won't be enough to keep this all at bay.

---

Boom. Some ramblings.

So this is all the stuff that came up, when you saw my name on my door.

I'm not very good at being trans. I don't have a prepared answer to what name/ pronouns you should use with which people. I don't know how to come out. I don't know how to ask for support. I don't even know what support I want.

I'm sick, and I'm tired, and I'm lonely, and I get really fucking bored of my stupid fucking masks, but I have no idea what's underneath.

This got way more emo than I expected. Daaamn. Thought I outgrew the eyeliner and the 'you don't understand me mom!!' vibes.

I thought I'd gotten over the 'I don't know who I am and I feel like I'm constantly tricking everyone including myself' shtick years ago.

Ah well. What would early adulthood be without a little identity related angst?

And I'm actually done rambling now. Thanks for sitting through it.

#depression #transphobia #rambling #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #If you need things tagged that I've missed #let me knew

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fandomoverflow · 5 years ago

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My Thoughts On Dark Age (SPOILERS)

My pre-ordered copy of Dark Age arrived in the mail on Friday afternoon, four days before the official release day. The only thing stopping me from reading it right then and there was the fact that I was about to leave for a four-hour shift bagging groceries. But as soon as I got home I got pumped up on sugar, took a shower, got in my pajamas, and sat down to read. One all-nighter, a two-hour power nap, another shift at work, and then finally a good night sleep later, I am empty inside from all the screaming and crying I did over the course of this monstrosity of a book.

Pierce Brown has done it. He actually did it. We were all expecting that the ending of Dark Age would put the heart-rending ending of Golden Son to shame. And not only did he manage to top that level of shock, betrayal, and beloved character death, he did it all before the book was even half-way over. Pierce said that Dark Age is the most complex, violent, and intimate book he’s ever written, and all I have to say to that is “understatement of the bloodydamn century.”

There are so many things to talk about but for the sake of avoiding spoilers for people who don’t have early pre-ordered copies, I’ll put my spoiler thoughts under the cut. The one non-spoiler thing I’ll say is this: After Iron Gold was only divided into three sections, Dark Age takes us back to the saga standard four.

Part I was pretty much one long battle, and I have to say that this is one of the most visceral, in the trenches action sequence in the entire saga to date. Part I was told exclusively from the POVs of Darrow and Lysander as they prepare for war. And the chaos and reality of war is a very big shock to Lysander’s system. For everyone hoping he’d his ass handed to him, it is immensely cathartic to have Lysander’s battle group get demolished by Darrow’s Howlers like they’re an afterthought. And to add insult to injury, Lysander ends up pinned under a discarded starShell while a second one lands with its burning thrusters right next to his face.

The battle aside, the tension between the Core and the Rim Golds when Lysander arrived was a delight. And the contrast between Atalantia and Ajax’s initial reactions to learning that Lysander is alive and how they behave later really adds both a lot of dimension to the politics of Gold as well as to Lysander’s own backstory, while at the same time fleshing out the new characters and really selling the history they have with Lysander.

The moment that impacted me the most was the realization that a prediction I’d made after the excerpt had come true. In the prologue, Darrow told his team that if they couldn’t rescue Orion their orders were to kill her instead to protect the Republic. In the chapter after that, he mentions that he suspected that Colloawy helped Orion cheat her psych evaluation. And while she and Darrow had similarly low opinions of the bureaucracy of the senate, Orion was noticeably more cynical. And when Darrow started preparing the Storm Gods (the weather machines used to terraform Mercury for those who are reading this not caring about spoilers) he asked Rhonna about his insurance policy.

So, even before Orion went beyond Darrow’s orders and took the Storm Gods to full strength, I knew that Darrow was going to have to order the death of someone close to him in order to protect others. It just never occurred to me that it would still be Orion. I really wish we had gotten to hear more about her backstory or get a mention of her love life in Iron Gold, because I remember Pierce saying somewhere that Orion would be married in the sequel trilogy. Her interactions with Darrow in the beginning of Dark Age were really sweet, but knowing in hindsight that her days were numbered, I wish we’d gotten more time with her in the past.

Mustang’s prologue is not only the second time since Red Rising that we’ve had an intro that immediately jumps back in time to show us how we got to that point, but it also is the first time where Pierce has written the prologue in such a way that it omits the details that the audience will be aware of when we get to this scene again. (And the two months detail is an intentional lie because adding up the time and Virginia’s comments puts this at just over a week past Darrow’s section of the prologue). The first time around, this scene looks like the middle of a catastrophe, that Darrow and his armies have been pinned down and Mustang is desperately sending whatever aid she can to help. But after reading through the heart pounding action of the Ash Rain in Part I, we realize that this speech is declaring victory.

Mustang’s POV is a godsend not only for how beautifully Pierce writes her, but also that we get to see how she interacts with all of the other characters when Darrow’s not there. She and Daxo are adorable in the way they joke and tease each other like siblings. (And I had to laugh at the running joke about the design his office being a metaphor for his virility) Her political maneuvering against Dancer were full of cathartic backhanded burns. Seeing her pull a Katniss to sway the Silver senators was glorious, and the way she knows Sevro’s in the room before he even announces his presence and immediately tells him to stop wanking in the shadows and come talk to her.

It was a delight to watch her be ten steps ahead of everyone else – how she allowed Victra and Sefi’s scheming to happen because their objectives were pieces of her own master plan to unite the Republic and get everyone back on track towards defeating Atalantia. Seeing her turn the tables and play mind games with the Duke of Hands was a sight to behold.

But one of my favorite parts of her early chapters was where Dancer finally took his head out of his ass, came down off his high horse, and stopped treating her and Darrow like shit. In the process, we learned a great deal about Dancer’s backstory and how he joined the Sons of Ares that just adds so many layers to his character.

I did think it was a bit tragic that we only learned that Dancer was Gay and Daxo was Bi right before they got killed off, but that doesn’t take away from the joy of knowing that two characters I’ve loved throughout the series are canonically queer. I’m glad that if Dancer had to die, he at got to redeem himself in the eyes of the fans before he bit the dust.

And to the aforementioned killing off, we get to Golden Son levels of shock, betrayal, and heartbreak less than halfway through the book. Mustang was always ten steps ahead of everyone else and just when it finally seemed like she would get everything she wanted, when she and Dancer and Sevro put their heads together and figured out that Senator Publius cu Caraval was the Syndicate’s spy, it all fell apart. Publis poisoned Dancer and pointed the already riled up Vox Populi mobs at Mustang accusing her of murdering the voice of the Vox, and the coup began. Daxo was killed when the Syndicate Queen showed up personally to lead the mob. And when we finally see her, she’s wearing fleshmasks and contacts to look like a Red, but Mustang immediately recognizes the face of the long-thought-dead Lilath au Faran.

But while Lilath may have been working with Atalantia, she isn’t the top of the Syndicate food chain. Mustang is smarter than just about every character in the Red Rising setting, but from what we’ve seen Atalantia isn’t that smart. There is only one person smart enough to so thoroughly derail Mustang’s plans. One person smart enough to know how she thinks and what she’s doing. And that is the only person in the setting who can rival her intelligence: her brother.

There were multiple moments in the first half of Dark Age that hit me in the stomach and left my reeling emotionally. But a ten-year-old clone of the Jackal walking into the Vox Populi’s show trial for Mustang alongside Lilath and the surviving Boneriders was the first moment in Dark Age that made me put the book down and start loudly screaming curses at the air.

Though his introduction was chilling, his scenes afterwards actually had me much more contemplative. When Mustang is forced to have dinner with the Boneriders, Adrius II starts making puzzles like Adrius I used to do with Mustang when they were kids, and he gives them to Lilath to solve. Lilath can’t solve them but of course Mustang can, and without Nero’s constant presence in their lives it actually felt like both Mustang and Adrius were having actual, genuine fun during this exchange.

And Mustang following this up by revealing that she still has all the old ones that original Adrius made as kids was both really sweet and also the first crack between the Jackal and his boneriders. Because Lilath and the Boneriders put the Jackal on such a pedestal that they only ever told Adrius II about the parts of his original self they admired and ignored little details they didn’t consider important, Adrius II is going through some Clone Angst. He feels secure in who he is, but he doesn’t know if he wants to be what the original Adrius was. And Mustang reveals that she kept all the puzzles demonstrated that Lilath and the Boneriders would never love any version of Adrius the way he wanted to be loved.

I trust that Pierce didn’t introduce Adrius II just for the sake of having The Jackal back. It would be too cliché, and extremely predictable to go that route. What would make a compelling story, and one that fits in with Pierce’s worldview and the themes of the Red Rising series, is if Adrius II spends the next book wrestling with whether he wants to follow in the footsteps of the original in a classic nature vs. nurture conflict would be so fascinating and I really can’t wait to see how that gets pulled off (it helps me cope with the fact that Brainwashed Evil Sevro is something that the Boneriders have threatened).

But I really love how Mustang could clearly see that potential in Adrius II, and the only reason she didn’t talk it out more and help him through that internal conflict is because it would take more time than she had, and she had bigger fish to fry. I really hope her means of escape didn’t sour Adrius II towards the path of redemption. And I really hope that Adrius doesn’t get the chance to follow through on his threat to wipe Sevro’s mind.

As far as the other characters go, Ephriam had some of the best character development in the entirety of Dark Age. Watching him gradually become invested in the future of Sefi’s AllTribe was very beautiful and heartwarming. He’d spent all of the last decade stuck in the anger stage of grief over Trigg’s death but over the course of Dark Age and helping Sefi it really felt like he was starting to reach the acceptance stage and get closure. His interactions with Ozgard even felt a little shippy, even if I knew he wasn’t ready for another relationship. But watching Ephriam find a new purpose in life and a place in the post-Rising world was a sight to behold. And then the machination of Atlas au Raa had to bring it all crashing down.

The Ascomani King showing up and claiming to be Ragnar’s father was a cruel twist of Society planning – they know the Obsidians worship Ragnar, and they know that Sefi has the power to unite all the tribes. So, they let her create her AllTribe and then had her replaced as leader with their own puppet.

It was a cruel twist that out of all the POV characters, Ephriam would be the one to die. If he had gone with backup he would have been able to stop the coup, but I understand why he went alone. Going alone meant that he didn’t drag Volga into the mess he was trying to protect her from, and he didn’t want to force her into the role of Queen. It was really sweet when she called him her father, and I really like how she chose to go with the Obsidians at the end not out of duty, but to finish what her father helped start. I look forward to seeing how she deals with infiltrating the Obsidians and taking her rightful place on Aunt Sefi’s throne.

Okay, I pretty much think at this point it’s a given that by the time this series is over Lyria and her nephew and Volga will have been adopted into the August/Reaper-Telemanus-Barca clan. I mean, Volga is Ragnar’s daughter why wouldn’t they make her part of the family. But honestly, following Victra and Lyria and Volga as they fight to survive in the Martian wilderness with the Pandora destroyed and the Red Hand on their heels was one of my favorite parts of the book. Their bickering was funny, but things quickly took a turn for the heartwarming when Victra ended up going into labor and Lyria was the one who helped her through it.

The conversation between Victra and Lyria while Victra is giving birth about their different experiences and their different perspectives was one of the most emotional conversations in the book, and it really warmed my heart when a few chapters later Lyria referred to Victra and Volga as her friends.

But then the Red Hand just had to attack. If you are triggered or easily upset by scenes where harm is done to an infant, or where you see the aftermath of harm done to an infant, you are going to be upset for almost all of Lyria’s chapters for the remainder of Dark Age following the birth. The crimes of Harmony and her Red Hand goons are numerous. They have killed and mutilated countless Reds for the sole crime of being Gamma. But somehow it took the sight of the newborn Barca baby nailed to a tree for me to viscerally demand their demise. I was screaming and raw when I read that scene, desperately praying that it was a different baby and that little Ulysses was okay. But no. She may not have done the deed, but she condoned and encouraged that kind of thing by her men, and we can now add infanticide to the list of Harmony’s crimes.

Which is why I am so, so glad that not only did Lyria manage to single-handedly orchestrate the final destruction of the Red Hand, but that she and Victra were the ones who did Harmony in. Harmony being thrown into a nest of adult Pitvipers was one of the most cathartic moments in the series since the fight against Aja in Morning Star, and I could not be happier that she’s finally gone.

I haven’t really talked about Darrow and Lysander since the beginning because while their story is important to what’s happening overall everything is happening in such a condensed time frame, and with Darrow and Lsyander’s chapters being focused on Atalantia’s siege of Mercury, we only really drop in for the important parts:

It was frustrating to see Lysander’s commitment to the hierarchy hardened by his experiences on Mercury, and it was heartbreaking to see Lysander lead the charge that overwhelmed Darrow’s defenses and allowed Atalantia’s armies into the Free Legions’ last stronghold. Watching the lowColors of Mercury reject the Republic was devastating both to me and Darrow, and it was heartdreaking to watch what was left of the Republic forces slowly dwindling as Lysander’s offensive went on.

But it was all the more cathartic when Casssius showed up to evacuate the survivors before they could be completely wiped out. I knew that Cassius’ death was faked, but there are still a few questions about how he got away from the Rim. That being said, I’m thrilled that after a decade in exile, Cassius has officially joined the Republic to help his friends.

Dark Age is truly the darkest hour for our heroes in a way that tops even Golden Son. Mercury has been retaken by Atalantia. Earth has fallen to the Rim-Core alliance. Luna has gone the way of the Death Eater-run Ministry of Magic in Harrpy Potter – with the Jackal Clone and his Bone Riders pulling the strings of a Vox Populi puppet government. Only Mars remains free. Despite causing chaos on Venus off-page Apollonius has seemingly joined forces with Lysander against Darrow. Sefi is dead and her dream of a united Obsidian nation has been coopted by a Society puppet masquerading as her and Ragnar’s father. Sevro is still in the clutches of Adrius II, who has threatened to use the same technology that Octavia used to modify Lysander’s memories to completely erase Sevro’s mind.

I trust Pierce Brown to pull of a finale that resolves all of this and gives us a satisfying ending. There are still unknown variables that we can’t predict. We don’t see the Rim at all during the events of the novel and the negotiations between them and the Core happen off page. We only see Apollonius in two short scenes. And to top it off we know that Pierce Brown has a history of writing unreliable narrators who hide their plans from the audience. While we’ve seen it with Darrow and Mustang, he hasn’t done it with Lyria or Ephriam, and we haven’t seen any such deceptive narration from Lysander yet.

So, time will tell not only how Pierce resolves all of this. But in the meantime, #PrayForSevro. It’s going to be a long two years while we wait for the final book.

#red rising saga #iron gold trilogy #dark age spoilers #dark age review #my thoughts

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chokedecho · 5 years ago

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( LEE TAEMIN. QUEER. ) Rumor has it that ( WILHELM ‘BELL’ VON ) has been spotted skulking around New York City streets recently. ( HE ) is a ( 23 ) year old ( VAMPIRE. ) They have a good reputation for being ( INDOMITABLE & LOYAL, ) but have also been known to be rather ( CALCULATED & BRAZEN. ) They’re known for being the ( COQUETTE. )

JAMIE, 24, GMT, THEY/THEM. please...... feed me plots...... love meme..... but also be gentle i’m overwhelm.... ヽ(◕﹏◕)ﾉ

TL;DR

bell is very new. he is a very new vampire & he hasn’t had a guiding hand or anyone pointing him in the right direction, so he’s a bit of a mess.

he was turned less than a year ago, here in NYC, but ran from the city when he found himself alone & scared. he’s been trying to figure himself out in distant cities since, but he’s found himself back here upon realising he needs to know answers from the person who made him the way that he is.

in his human life he was born & raised in germany, an orphan, so he has an accent and can occasionally struggle with finding his words, but for the most part he’s entirely fluent in english.

he’s travelled and been on the move since he was old enough to leave the orphanage.

he’s been a criminal most his life, and he’s been a bit addicted to danger and seeking it out; it’s no wonder he ended up in a situation like this given the company he chose to keep and the places he hung around.

he’s lustful in every sense of the word. it’s kicked into overdrive now, and he doesn’t know how to control himself or any of it ( which he hates ).

he has a cold tone, a sharp bite, a neutral expression; he seems apathetic at best, but when that devilish smile makes an appearance, you know you’re fucked.

give him friends please? he loves.... frens..... he’s so loyal ok and affectionate he just needs a place to put it all. he isn’t even hard to befriend so long as you don’t hear him being all (ง •̀_•́)ง and just immediately assume he’s not also (✿◠‿◠)

also angst though..... always angst..... just saying..... angst!!

THE LONG STUFF --- you really don’t need to read past this point lol

most people know what their first memory is, or have a rough idea of the time. bell is an exception to this. he has memories from being young, but ask him which came first or what age he was, and he’d draw a blank. instead, he’s had his story told to him, and for the longest time he’s been forced to believe it – he doesn’t like trusting the people that regaled it to him, but what choice does he have?

left on the doorstep of a church in germany. he doesn’t know where, doesn’t know when. he was barely a few days old, or so they believe. so he was told. there was no note, no comforting bed for him to lay, no blanket or toy. he was wrapped in a sweater, naked beneath, and crying out toward the sky. he was hungry, one could assume. he was cold, that much was clear. how he got there, or why he was left? no one has been able to fill in those gaps, and he doubts they ever will.

for a while he stayed at the church whilst the locals whispered, gossiped, tried to figure out who he’d belonged to, or where he’d go. eventually he was given to an orphanage, and it was a place like that where his memories began. there were so many, they play like a black and white film behind his eyelids. he can’t keep up, he doesn’t know which was first, which was last. fake parents nurtured him for a time or two, but nothing ever stuck. he grew accustomed to not having a home.

he remembers strict rules. he remembers sneaking downstairs after bedtime, putting in an old movie and getting lost in the monochrome world on the screen. he remembers it being so quiet he had to sit close enough for his eyes to be straining, lest he get heard and caught. punishment didn’t bother him, but the idea that he’d be monitored more closely and have to give up his films? that was enough. besides, he knew the words by heart anyway.

there were potential parents that came and went; nothing ever stuck. his first love interest was a boy in his orphanage, a couple years his senior. a boy who knew of bell’s obsession with the big screen, and who promised they’d move to hollywood one day. who promised him the world in return for certain favours. it was a dark time - bell prefers not to think of it now.

he remembers when the boy outgrew their orphanage. he remembers when he left, and he remembers waiting for him to come back.

he remembers outgrowing it himself two years later with his first love nowhere to be found.

sex was power. sex was a means to getting whatever he wanted, however he wanted, when he wanted it. it usually works out that way — young, defenceless, poor, the perfect recipe for a criminal. he never enjoyed getting his hands too dirty, but being admired? that he could handle just fine.

he’d been conning people out of their hard earned wages since he was a little child, and it only grew worse as he grew up. his favourite prey became older, married, rich men, for their fancy wedding rings, car keys (and the car), wallets, watches, even their clothes if they’re an adequate size.

motels were, and still are, his resting place. rucksacks filled with designer (stolen) clothes are his wardrobe, and bell von is the name he has given himself. von of what? of who? he’ll say he doesn’t need a family to be who he is, and that von period is enough.

he’s bisexual. he doesn’t know much about his own gender, doesn’t really question it, doesn’t care what he gets called. he’s an androgynous beauty, and apparently that’s an attractive quality to the weaker ones.

he’s always known how to fight, though not with fists. not with the clawing of his so pretty nails. he’s kept a knife strapped to his thigh like a garter belt for a decade, kept one tucked into the sole of his high heel boots in case of emergencies. he never enjoyed getting his hands dirty, but he would if underestimated. he refused to be a victim of anything or anyone.

he never should have fallen for those dark eyes and that chill that ran down his spine. he should have trusted survival instincts instead of running toward the danger, letting it sink it’s claws deep into him. that’s the expression, after all. soon the fangs followed.

as a human he was sassy. flirty. sexual. dramatic. a diva. now? now he’s in overdrive. lust doesn’t begin to explain the burning desire eating away at his insides. lust for what? he wishes he knew. wishes he didn’t feel like a starved, feral and ravenous monster being placed in front of a feast, gouging himself to the brim of death and never feeling like it could fill him.

where has all the money gone that he’s stolen? the jewellery? the cars? he doesn’t drive around in anything fancy, doesn’t live anywhere expensive, doesn’t flash around his cash or impulsively make over the top purchases. he keeps that to himself; maybe he’s attempting to write his future, since his past was told through word of mouth alone.

he has a passion for black and white movies, and an attraction to stealing the expensive perfumes of the wives of men he’s conned. he never enjoys the scent for longer than a day, and often resumes the use of his bargain brand, sickly sweet body spray. channel lipstick? he has several. fur coats? one in every colour. he’s never a day in his life dropped a dime on one, and he never will.

he wears makeup daily, smudged and smokey eyes, soft, luscious lips. rings in abundance, necklaces occasionally, though he prefers a choker. he likes to show skin, he likes to wear tight, see-through clothing, leather, black, fashion. he likes to look like a wet dream when he walks into a room, and he likes to make his presence noticed without having to ever speak a word.

he has a german accent, has been born and raised in and around berlin. his english is pretty fluent now, though occasionally it’ll break and he’ll lose a word or two. he’ll bat his lashes as a distraction whilst he attempts to find it, honey thick voice, low and seductive, making sounds to fill the silence as his fingers skim over his company’s thigh.

he can make a mistake look intentional, and anything intentional feel like a mistake.

#underworldshqintro #vampire.

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