#without a single excuse?
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I'm obsessed with the fact that the Mondriches are invited to every intimate Bridgerton family event (bachelor parties, weddings...) but apparently Daphne and Simon are not.
#I'm aware that calling actors back is complicated#but seriously? both weddings?#without a single excuse?#like you could say she's pregnant and too close to term to travel#it's literally an issue that they brought up with kate#bridgerton s3 part 2#Daphne bridgerton#simon basset#Francesca bridgerton#Colin bridgerton#Penelope featherington#polin#John stirling#bridgerton
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no!!!!!! 8 episodes will kill patient!!!!!!!! he needs 12-24 episodes some of which is light-hearted filler to live!!!!!!!!!!!!
#this was about shows in general but dw is on my mind#like the new season was so fawking good but oh my god it's so heavy. hrgh#I know this isnt the fault of the ppl making the show it's just that fucking everything has to be 8 episodes now#well stop!!!! please!!!!!!!!! aaaa!!!!!!!!#15 clearly going thru it yelling and crying in the upcoming christmas special WOULD be exciting but that's also the#plot of every single episode in the preceding season...#i dont think him being miserable at christmas is bad in fact it's great. im saying the absence of the#5 episodes that would've been 0 stakes fun adventures is making itself very very felt and obvious#like imagine season 4 which is already pretty much just unending misery WITHOUT the few fun fillers we get. lethal and#not in a good way. sometimes you need to breathe!!!#that does not excuse pl.anet of the d.ead being ass but yknow. at least it doesn't make me cry for an hour#doctor who#dw text#barking
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fuck you watchtower i wish hell was real so you could burn in it
#feeling So Many Things right now (anger. so much fucking anger) but i cant put it into words without typing up multiple paragraphs#and i dont really feel like it#a single fuck you isnt enough but i hate expressing my anger bc it makes me feel so guilty afterwards#ill probably regret this in an hour. or maybe i wont. im so fucking done with this shit#and to make things worse my fucking convention is this weekend im gonna kms i cant fucking do this#one more year. one more fucking year#exjw#ex jw#ex jehovahs witness#all my fellow pimo/pomo exjws will get this#jasper’s posts#(also this is directed at the organization as a whole and the gb/those who are purposely in on it#i have nothing against pimis who are also victims but just dont realize it. it still doesnt excuse their actions
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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not sure if you've seen it already but you can also add some script into 'my filters' on ublock on firefox that stops youtube detecting it! i've had the popup a few times on firefox too but putting that in stopped it entirely
here's the scripts in case you haven't seen the post going around:
youtube.com##+js(set, yt.config_.openPopupConfig.supportedPopups.adBlockMessageViewModel, false)
youtube.com##+js(set, Object.prototype.adBlocksFound, 0)
youtube.com##+js(set, ytplayer.config.args.raw_player_response.adPlacements, [])
youtube.com##+js(set, Object.prototype.hasAllowedInstreamAd, true)
Ah I have not seen this thank you! As of rn, Youtube doesn't seem to be able to detect ublock on Firefox normally, but it's only a matter of time before they catch up so I'll add this to be safe!
There's also another extension, AdNauseam, that I've heard tricks the Youtube filters but auto-clicking on all ads in the background. So you don't see ads, but according to Youtube, you not only saw all of them but also clicked on them too. I don't have that, but I'm keeping it in the back of my mind for when Youtube inevitably figures out how to get around ublock.
#ask#not dp related#firefox#youtube#listen guys im legit prepared to go to war#i was fine without adblock when it was ONE ad every couple videos#but now it's 2 MINIMUM and it's EVERY. SINGLE. VIDEO.#it's rediculous#i was literally on 7 year old educational videos last Friday trying to show my students quick math in the LC#and we kept having to sit through all these goddamn ads#i was like um excuse u???
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I just remembered May is a month dedicated to Gwynriel and Elucien slander under the guise of another ship's appreciation month so folks it's a good time to block people and tags.
#gwynriel#elucien#fandom bs#nothing new to see here#just saying#because people can't appreciate their own ship without trashing others#based on past experience#I mean they do this every single day but an appreciation month is a good excuse to turn it uglier#do what you will to keep your peace of mind
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this is weird and overly personal but blogging about it anyway. i started a silly project at the end of may this year to exercise every single day (with small exceptions for exams etc) until the first sleep token show - idk why i chose that (i do, it was 'do it for vessel') but having a finite goal is so much easier to work towards than 'i will continue this habit for the rest of my life'. long story short i've done it and i'll continue on even though the first show has passed (do it for papa v this time?) but just saw myself in the mirror in the hotel i'm staying at for the next ritual and jdbdhjdbdj i've got some defined muscle i didn't have this time six months ago thank u vessel
#i don't have a huge mirror in my uni house so didn't notice but. yeah. sorry for rambling about this#just a bit thrilled#of all the great things that becoming a fan of some bands has done for me#this is the most surprising#it's not a crazy schedule btw it's just one thing per day no matter how intense#so could range from a full muay thai class to just walking to campus#it's so much easier than saying#'i will complete this specific exercise every single day no excuses'#because 'do it for vessel' has its limits#so. stayed very flexible but consistent#it wasn't for appearances#genuinely happier with that than i ever have been in my memory#(thanks copia)#just for overall health#and i do feel physically great#mentally better too now that i'm prioritising it#sorry again wow cant shut up#yeah im . jdbdjd :')#been quite a day of doing new things#and it just hit me that i've stayed consistent for 6 months#with visible proof that i didn't intend#and genuinely without a shred of doubt it's all because of vessel#i think i must have seen how healthy he's looking nowadays and thought wow <3 wish that were me#now it's beginning to be#bye to the engineering stick muscles jdbdjdhd
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Do NOT get invested in a Discord server where every breath you take has you walking on eggshells (at best) despite trying to be careful and compliant as much as you can, to the point you not only feel discouraged and unmotivated to share anything in there because it made your brain replace the giddy first thought of "I hope they find joy in it like I did!" with the ghoulish first thought of "I wonder what problematic thing they could still find in it after I already sanitized it as much as I possibly can," but also give you crushing anxiety over whether or not you should share a thing in there to the point it takes you all day to actually make your choice: you choose not to, or you do it and still regret it despite your utmost care-- doing it and succeeding are extremely rare lucky shots at best.
And you must know you're having it bad when whenever you get a ping/@ from there your brain thinks first thing instead of "Oh my! Someone thought of me when saying/showing something or wants to show me something or just talk to me!" it's a thought like "Oh boy! I wonder what I could possibly be getting grilled for this time no matter how careful I tried to be."
Dont do this to yourself hon. You dont need that anxiety and creativity-hindering environment where youre basically doomed and set up into getting in trouble from the start bc of the way things are handled. Yes even if people there are (apparently) nice-- just ask to add those you wanna keep in contact with and then hit da bricks, man. There are many other *actually* friendly servers out there even if theyre smaller-- bigger doesnt necessarily mean great, after all; ive certainly felt much happier and more positive in my smaller servers and now aim to stick with them <3
Tldr; dont stick or get invested in Discord servers (or any other online spaces really) that makes you anxious and paranoid of your every typed word or image/content shared or your every online move there to the point of unmotivation and discouragement- that place's not healthy for you; leave it hit da bricks, there are better places just waiting for you to come across that will *genuinely* take you in with open arms
#i was foolish for joining this discord server AGAIN thinking things would be different this time#the first time i was in a worse place and thought that was an exterior cause affecting how i felt in that space#nope. im in a lil slightly better place now. turns out it was indeed the server itself that was Not Good for me#heres to hoping i dont relapse and join it again in the future hoping for a better result that will just never be#i dont need them. i can live without them. and so can you. you deserve better#im not crying a single tear for them this time. it is their loss a lot more than mine#now excuse me i gotta gush with my ACTUAL friends in the ACTUALLY cozier and much COOLER servers that ACTUALLY like me n their other member#jellycream speaks#negative#i mean i guess? its more of general advice even if not the prettiest#can reblog if you wanna
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genuinely kinda pissed I have to give a presentation tomorrow for school and I'm going to be graded on eye contact (among other things) WHICH I CANNOT DO not only bcuz of autism but because my eyes physically. do not have the ability to focus together on a person place or thing like the muscles in my eyes are too weak. im gonna be wearing an eye bandage anyway so I'll be basically completely blind unable to see my teacher but I just hate being graded on something I quite literally have no control over. ughhh education system sucks
#it most likely won't be a problem bcuz i go to an alternative school for people with Issues And Problems who didnt graduate normal school#disabilities are to be expected#idk its just annoying. people get soo pissy about eye contact even when I have actual medical excuses for why i cant. MULTIPLE OF THEM EVEN#every interview or whatever they're like make eye contact. girl I cant#not just “its uncomfortable for me” like I can't. its like telling someone without eyes/who is completely blind to make eye contact#like that isnt something im capable of doing on a very basic level bcuz i dont have control over where my eyes are looking or for how long#sorry for Schoolposting so much today it isnt that interesting. im just frustrated w/ myself and also with the world#and my optometrist for having to wait 6+ months for a single appointment. not that its really gonna fix anything but yknow#ophthalmologist**#txt
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cc calling Alastair and Cordelia's eyes black is so :/ to me like idc that they're just a shade darker than the pupil or whatever, their eyes are still brown. you're allowed to call them brown cc, even though that's boring and dull and plain etc. Thomas standing outside in the sun like inches away from Alastair's face should be able to see that his eyes are in fact fucking brown.
#cc and her anti brown eyes agenda continues#and I say all this as someone who *has* dark brown eyes#like 'in most lightings its near impossible to tell where my iris ends and my pupil begins' dark brown eyes#& i say most lightings because in sunlight/really bright areas my eyes dramatically get lighter#i personally love it & think its very cool and better than blue or whatever eyes#but ik cc wouldn't agree with me on that one 🙄#anyway it bothers me that cc describes their eyes as black constantly without any regard for the lighting#like??? do you not know a single brown eyed person lmao#alastair carstairs#cordelia carstairs#cordelia herondale#anti cc#anti cassandra clare#chain of thorns#chain of gold#chain of iron#the last hours#tlh#actually I just remembered that she describes Matthew's eyes as changing in different lights all the time 😐#theres literally no excuse for this im tired of her bullshit#the shadowhunter chronicles
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tomorrow-me's gonna hate tonight-me, part 3522
(an incoherent work-related rant in the tags, read if you will but it's boring lol)
#due to bus schedules i go to work every morning almost two hours before my actual work starts#and i always use this time to plan the day's lessons etc.#(in case someone's somehow missed this i'm a language teacher 👩🏫)#which is convenient but often i underestimate how much time i'm gonna need#and so i end up in a race against time to finish everything before i actually need to be ready (=my classes start)#so far i am yet to go to class without having prepared all the stuff. more or less at least lol#but it really sucks to have this rushed feeling to everything 😩#and so every single fucking day i'm like ''when i get home i'll do this and this so that i can for once be ahead of myself''#but the second i actually get home i'm like ''...nah 🙂''#because goddammit i'm HOME pls don't make me work there 😭#but some stuff i just don't have the time to do at work. such as marking student essays 😟#at least that i COULD do at home if i wasn't so protective of my free time 🤧#but lesson planning? lots of the materials are at the school anyway#so that's sort of my excuse to NOT do any of that at home but. sometimes i know i should 🤡#because tomorrow-me would appreciate it#however tonight-me tends to be a lazy fucker who wants to just imagine blorbo nonsense or stare at a wall doing nothing 😭#i have regrets about this career choice lol don't become a teacher kids istg
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the way i’m truly so beyond help
#i’ll tell you guys a secret. i have not added a single letter of text to my thesis draft since my last meeting with my supervisor which was#at the start of december and now it’s february and i have to send the more or less finished version of those two chapters#in a few days#which means i’m well and truly fucked and my supervisor has had to practise enough patience already#i for real don’t know what to say yall i have exhausted my options theres no excuse to be this behind#man this is gonna be so humiliating and we all know how i handle my humiliation haha . i’m in danger#i’m decompensatinggg like the way my body is gonna crash soon and i havent even got anything to show for it#like if i were crashing becasue i stayed up late to do lots of necessary work then id at least have done the work#instead i get all the health decline of a beyond stressed student without doing any of the work#like it’s so humiliating to be such a disappointment and failure helpmndksdj just kill me omg
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For the first time in a long while, I got to go to a white elephant gift exchange this December! We had a low price ceiling and my practically wins out over any practical joke sensibilities every time, so on the designated shopping day I left my local overstock store with a nice chopstick set, some fancy (not at all mess-free) popcorn, and a dream.
When I was growing up, my mom was an intrepid homeschooling parent who loved event planning, valued cultural exploration, and had married into a Japanese family. Multiple times - sometimes in the setting of a multicultural fair, at least once as a kind of class party (with celebratory takeout at the end) - she faced teaching large groups of children how to use chopsticks quickly and with as little cost and cleanup as possible.
Her answer was popcorn! It's edible, so you get the full motion down, and lightweight but large enough for less coordinated sticks to pinch. It has tons of nubbins to grab and widely varied shapes to experiment with. Specifically, we used air-popped kernels, without oil or toppings, so when it gets overzealously crushed or bounces away and gets missed by a broom, it's basically biodegradable styrofoam.
What I'm saying is, this is my mom's fault. Other than the choice to draw so many hands in one afternoon on the same day as the party, while also baking a snack. That's all me. This primer was delivered in the format of a tiny booklet (if you look up an "eight page zine" that's also a method I learned from my mom, to turn single-sided misprints into notepads), with fewer jokes and tips than I'd have liked because I simply did not have time to transcribe a hashi rest fold or hairstyle. But reformatted (for Mastodon) it looks fairly respectable.
Lengthy image descriptions and full poster format under the cut.
[ID: A title page reads "How to Use Chopsticks" in all caps. The words "without too much mess" are between two straight, orange lines, which start with round points at the left, evoking chopsticks, and end in flared shapes of a silhouetted splash on the right. Below the lower line are the words "by CJ Gladback." All the text is in black, the background is white but appears light orange due to a repeating geometric watermark pattern of CJ's logo in orange overlaid on the whole image; her handle on most sites is included once on each of the following spreads: @cjgladback
Next is the first spread of four illustrations with their instructions. On the left half of page are two line drawings of a right hand holding one and then two chopsticks, with the text, "The first stick rests on the side of your ring finger's nail and the flesh between your thumb and index finger. Your middle finger's pad holds it securely while it can slide against your thumb as your hand changes posture in use. The second stick is held between the knuckle of your thumb and the middle section of your index finger. This is the one you move to change angles; it may touch but doesn't really rest on the middle finger's tip." In orange, two arrows indicate the rest points for the first stick while small hashes emanate from the points pressed on the middle and ring fingertips and under the thumb's joint holding the top stick. On the right upper quadrant of the page is the text "Hold them close to parallel to scoop." A hand holds two sticks poked into a bowl of rice between the viewer and the palm; a series of parallel orange lines emphasize the space between the sticks. The remaining quadrant's text reads, "Press with your index finger to pinch firmly." This hand is holding an indistinct rounded shape in its chopsticks, with an orange arrow indicating the rotation of the index finger's tip to press the top stick's point toward the bottom's.
Next is the final spread of the pamphlet. The upper right text reads, "Practice with something medium sized and low mess like (air-popped) popcorn." A single piece of popcorn is held in disembodied chopsticks above a full popcorn bowl, with several kernels fallen to the surface below it. Text below reads, "Pick up your dishes to bring close to your mouth to scoop the harder to grab foods." An implied tilted bowl of food (fried rice or porridge with diced pieces) protrudes off the page, covering only the lower left corner. Close-up chopsticks have their points buried in the food and their lines fade out toward the right. The final black text, underlined by two orange chopstick shapes, reads, "but most of all, do what feels comfortable and eat well!" In orange in the lower right corner, the parenthetical "(and maybe knit a scarf)" is followed by a small orange drawing of a steaming bowl of noodles and sliced egg with a noodle line trailing toward two upward angled sticks with loopy hashes indicating knit fabric hanging from them.
The final image is the full booklet in its web format, with the three previous images from this post stacked vertically. Some orange lines have been added between what were pages in the print booklet, to aid reading flow. /end ID]
#straight up ripping my entire caption from instagram cause (as you can see) i wrote it in a blogging mood#cj gladback#zine#how to#gift ideas#chopsticks#hashi#food#artists on tumblr#illustration#hold up -- once I uploaded multiple photos#not all at once but by clicking the ''add another'' button#THEN i can mouse over to add alt text?#or did the feature just finally reach me?#in the middle of starting this post#why would this be more captionable than the single image version of this#or the accidentally misordered sequence of these same files if i add them all at once#i want to understand but i do not#i guess since the little alt boxes started showing up on mobile relatively recently i could try scrolling back through the official pages#see if there's a full explanation of all processes#would expect the crowd i follow to have already reblogged and celebrated/critiqued if there were one but maybe they were busy#...and then i tried using my previous alt text copy pasta'd in there and it took about half of the first and shortest description so#i know i'm wordy but in this case it really only does its job for people who can't see it with a ton of description#could make it shorter but it would be a lot of editing time for probably still not getting it clear under the character limit#so hey have a clunky read more anyway#yep i started just typing the text on the pages and made it halfway through the second sentence#i'll try to remember to not complain about the lack of desktop alt text only very specific factors of it now#also having the read more gives me the excuse to share the full poster version of this without worrying about it being less legible#depending on the screen you're viewing from#gallery
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I have three thoughts that pop up every time I see a dusthide. Not all of them each time, but at least one
Most common thought: he have no ears 😭
Second most common: armadillo (armadillos have ears though, so I guess more pangolin? But the way they are segmented… the pangolin thing reminds me of their claws more though. Hmm, overthinks what species of real animals one can compare them to)
And the final one: so, remember those toys from the 2000s that you put on a magnet and they went from a ball to a little guy?
Update, I have gotten sleep and am now confused about why I was so sad every time I saw that they had no ears
#emma posts#flight rising#every. single. time. my brain says that first one#I cannot look at them without thinking about their no ear smooth head#which is kinda funny because many dragons have no ears#but they have other stuff and aren’t so smooth#will my brain shut UP about the ear thing?#I hope it does#I didn’t get much sleep and my brain keeps getting irrationally sad about no ears#I HAVE NO LOGICAL REASON TO FEEL SAD ABOUT THIS#i just had a terrible night and now my emotions are wacky#rational mind: looking at the design. sleep deprived irrational mind: smooth head#I’m trying to think of dragons who have visible ears and I’ve thought of three#imperials spirals and veilspun#but most dragons have spines or feathers#I forgot pearlcatchers.#I also forgot obelisk. this is going to repeat itself isn’t it#they call me the forgetter because I#I actually do have memory problems irl#I forgot gaoler. but in my defense I don’t actually have any of those in my lair so I will use that excuse#snappers are a bit of a conundrum because their ear holes are visible but they have no real external ear structure#I remembered correctly! tundra have external ears! I just only have one tundra rn so I was second guessing before I checked
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#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad#i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over#and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away#i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine#but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing#right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it#i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever#i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol#every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone#when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad#i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like#it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to#i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time#i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good#i don’t know why anyone keeps me around#sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person#the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable#i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all#i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself#like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time#i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day#and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess#it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk#anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better#sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine
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asking my work gc of 30+ ppl if someone can cover my shift tomorrow and no one responding and its been like over an hour is the highlight of the year
#fine ig i can celebrate my mom's birthday on the one time she is off and not working ANOTHER time 🙄#which sounds like a bad excuse but im telling u ppl ask to be covered without any excuse and it works 😭😭#ive also been working like every single day I AM TIRED#rania rambles
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