#within a few weeks of the MOH having gotten this job

[kosmosian-quills]

Fluffcember Day 5 - Gentle Touch

Something I wrote tonight, a day late for Fluffcember (hosted by @raiswanson, @siarven and @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword). I hope you enjoy!

“You were quiet at dinner, Irena.”

I look up from my book and find Anja stood in my open doorway. I carefully close the heavy paperback, and set it down on the table in front of me.

“Was I?” I asked with a smile, “I hadn’t noticed. What can I do for you?”

Anja raised an eyebrow at me, and closed the door quietly, before coming closer, taking a seat next to me at the table. My steaming hot, fresh pot of tea was freshly brewed, yet sat untouched in its pot. I think she had noticed this, pointing to it with one hand and asking “may I?”

I nodded, and she lifted up the pot, pouring the orange tinged liquid into the fine china I had on the table. Part of the tea set I had been provided with when I started here. It’s delicate, and in all honesty, I don’t like using it. It seems too foreign for me to use, and I would rather use the cup I brought from home.

I don’t want Anja to think me rude, so I say nothing. She simply pours the tea and pushes the cup towards me.

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

I nodded, keeping the smile on my face as I did so. “Of course I am, Anja. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I noticed you go quiet when Zofia mentioned her father’s job. Your smile wavered, and you didn’t look happy. Not completely happy, anyway.”

She noticed. I had hoped no one would. I thought I had gotten good in recent years at hiding what I think and feel, but I suppose not.

She’s right, though.

I didn’t have the chance to formulate any kind of answer because I she raised her hand.

“I don’t need to know, okay?” she looked right at me, “I don’t. I am not asking you to tell me something that clearly makes you upset. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

I can see it in her eyes, she does care. There’s nothing pushy in her eyes, nothing pervasive that is ill intentioned. She really doesn’t seem to care about the specifics of my situation, yet she knew something was wrong with me about it.

“I’m fine, Anja, I promise. Thank you for checking on me though.” My smile is certainly genuine, even if her expression is still worried. Her eyebrows furrowed together, her lips slightly parted, almost like she is thinking on what to say next.

“Do you want to hear something interesting, Irena?” she asks, and I can feel her gently reach out and touch my hand, my hand that is rested on the table.

I’m surprised by the gesture, but I don’t want to be rude. It’s funny, she’s doing to me something similar to what I did with Matylda just the other day. She was feeling homesick, she had just written a letter home to her family (with a nice little something for her brother and sister) and was almost afraid to post it. I sat with her and talked, listened to her tell me about her little siblings. About how she drew something for them, so that they would send her back something from home.

She missed home, and I’m not surprised. I just hope I made her feel better, because Anja here has me worried. I don’t know why she’s doing this with me.

“There’s a reason not every single one of us is from the same demographic when being selected for this position,” she goes on to explain, looking me right in the eyes, “not only because having all five of us from similar backgrounds would be frightfully boring, but also because it’s to show the Princess, or Prince, that not everyone in the country had the same life and privileges as them. Some will have grown up with parents that work well-paying jobs, others will have single parents, others will have grown up impoverished through no fault of their own.”

Her hand is warm, her eyes comforting, her smile reassuring.

“Keeping the Prince, or Princess, grounded and humble is our job. To advise them when and if something they do or say is discriminatory or unfair in any way, because after all, the one that suffers the most to an important decision is the one at the bottom of the ladder.”

She has a point, certainly. It does make sense that things are this way, and I already knew of this, since that last statement of hers is quoted almost directly from what we were told after we were chosen.

That first part was certainly a take on things I was not consciously aware of.

“So no matter where we came from before, what we did, who we grew up with in our lives – we all have this same chance to make a difference. I didn’t want you to feel that having an unhappy circumstance made you any less worthy than the rest of us, because that is so far from the truth, Irena.”

I finally return her gentle gesture, making sure to grasp her wrist with my hand. “I understand, Anastazja. Of course. Thank you, for checking on me, I mean.”

“It’s not a problem, Irena. I just did not want you to feel out of place among us. I mean, we are all trying to settle in, but having us start off with such feelings is unnecessarily unhealthy.”

“Yes, I agree.” I nod. “It’s nice to know that we’re all the same here.”

She nods again, still holding my wrist as she rises to her feet. “Please, do drink your tea. I’ll leave you alone now. Sorry to have interrupted you…”

“I honestly appreciate it, Anja.” I get to my feet too, not wanting to be the one to break us apart. Not yet. “Thank you.”