#with the very limited time she has in this story

[ctimenefic]

(whispers) swank + strap + galex xoxo @testarossa

from the very silly nyt prompts

okay so because I wrote, jesus, 4k of strap-on fic for the other fill, I've taken a slightly sideways look at this one. Hope that's okay @testarossa!

also, this is v obviously inspired by and owes a debt to @lagerloutfic's hot rookie slagsss series, which is a marvel you should read immediately

It’s George who sends the photo in the old group chat; her and Lando, done up to the nines, in a hotel corridor somewhere in Kuala Lumpur. Lando’s clearly tilting at the space Lewis has left for high fashion at FIA events, with- well, Alex will kindly call it limited success. And George-

George is in a suit. 

Alex tries not to be basic about George all dolled up. 

Yes, anytime George wears tights Alex can’t resist putting a ladder in them with her fingertips, or her teeth. Yes, some of George’s skirts have met terrible ends. Yes, ranking George’s outfits by tit accessibility on her Instagram stories was probably taking the ‘joke’ of George’s known cleavage addiction a bit far. 

But this? George with her hair slicked back and her tits taped artfully up behind her starched skinny shirt and tapered trousers making her legs look mad long and- fuck yes, she’s even foregone the heels, avoided some terrible Doctor Who converse disaster. Those are neat black Oxfords, gleaming. 

It’s not even strictly butch. But the look is tailor-made – literally – to get Alex foaming at the mouth. In short, she wants to fuck the shit out of her. 

She’s still wearing makeup, of course. A slash of dusky pink-brown that Alex is almost certain she’s picked to match her nipples, the fucking minx. Maybe she’d been thinking of the same night Alex is, when the last trace of her red lipstick had run down to her chin by the time they were done. That stuff had staying power; in the shower, Alex’d had to scrub it off her thighs. 

Swanky and swanker, Alex eventually texts back, damningly long after the ticks will have turned blue on George’s end. 

Sure enough, George replies on their private chat in seconds. You sure you want to accuse someone else of wanking right now?

And then, Alex’s downfall: George calls.

“Hello George. Are you having a nice night?”

Alex would say she does a 10/10 job at keeping the lust out of her voice. She has, after all, had fucking years of practice before Georgie had looked over at her, big eyes all wet and wide, and asked if- maybe- Alex would consider- and every rule she’d ever had about straight girls had gone out the window. 

George, on the other hand, doesn’t even attempt to keep her pout quiet. “Aren’t you going to say I look good?”

“Depends,” Alex hedges. “Is Lando still there?” She’s not actually jealous, it’s Lando, but sometimes leaning into the implication makes George pinken. Alex isn’t above exploiting a little internalised heteronormativity, for the bit. 

“No. Took that before we left, I’m at the gala now. In the bathroom.”

Alex feels herself perk up, the alertness washing through her. “Bored, baby?”

“Terribly,” George sighs. “Wish you were here.”

If wishes were horses, the Williams might have enough bloody horsepower for Alex to have a shot at the gala. Still. “So I could rumple that suit of yours, gorgeous?”

George audibly brightens. “So you do like it. I wasn’t sure if…” She trails off, and Alex wonders if it’s meant to say a bit more, the suit, than she thought. 

“Objectively, you are fit as fuck, George. Unobjectively, if you didn’t already have a plane ticket I’d be getting in the car right now to pick you up.”

George giggles. “I’ll wear it on the flight then. You can fuck me soon as I’ve arrived.”

Alex doesn’t try to stifle her groan; she’s not the one hiding in a bathroom. George undone in the passenger seat of her car, seatbelt on but tits out. Or no, better; up on the kitchen counter, jacket still on but trousers round her ankles, and Alex standing between her legs, with her-

“Fuck, Georgie, please, let me use my strap, let me-”

“Yes,” George hisses, and Alex is almost too turned on to realise how fucking lucky she’s got. It’s the first time she’s dared bring up her strap on. She’s kept it buried at the back of her drawers, worried it might be, well, just a bit too fucking gay for George. But George sounds almost frantic about it, like she’s rubbing her thighs together in a fucking bathroom stall, with half the world of motorsport a few meters away. Probably because she is. “Yes, please, Alex, I want it, I want it so much.”

“Okay, baby, I-”

“How many are you going to give me?”

Alex’s mind stalls for a second, trying to parse it. She has a brief vision of George stuffed; toys in her arse, her mouth, as Alex fucked her cunt but-

Well, it seems a bit much for George to have come up with. And it doesn’t really fit. How many are you going to give me? There’s a pretty firm upper limit.

And then Alex remembers George’s fondness for period dramas, old books about tall ships and a misty-eyed view of the Empire that Alex tried not to prod too often, for fear they’d actually have to talk about it. The way George had sniffled during Master and Commander, her voice wet when she’d explained “it’s about the duty, Alex.”

Let me use my strap

How many are you going to give me?

George’s round arse, striped. Pink and pale. The clink of a belt buckle. 

Alex swallows. “As many as you want, baby.”

[petricorah]

a while ago i had an idea to add all my favorite manga cliches to a story and draw manga scenes. i did a bunch of planning and wrote 15k words in prose form...and didn't draw them very much. in an effort to hold myself accountable for starting to draw them again, i thought i'd post them!

story details:

Robin is a kind (albeit frequently tardy) apothecary at the Royal Palace. One day, while stealing Palace materials to heal a commoner, he finds himself bathed in a shimmer of light. When he wakes up, he's told that he's the Saint, an honor bestowed rarely across generations, and he has the power to heal anyone he touches. He's overjoyed to have the ability to help people--until he realizes that the king plans to limit Robin's powers to aid in his war. Can he continue to stick to his ideals now under the king's thumb and with constant threats to his life from neighboring kingdoms and power-hungry nobles?

Cassian is the illegitimate second son of the king. He's been in love with Robin ever since they first met as children. After being sent away to the military at a young age, he returns to the palace to find that Robin has fallen in love with Sylvan, Cassian's older brother and the crown prince. He can't stand watching Robin fall for someone who is clearly using him, but he also can't bring himself to abandon the person he cares about. He decides to serve as Robin's guard, even though his personal affections might endanger his own life.

Sylvan is the heir to the throne, and his parents are beginning to call on him to prepare more for this role. This includes ending his casual days doing as he desires...and finding someone to marry. Thrust into a political battle between nobles, torn between his father and mother's ideals, and confused about his feelings for Robin, he struggles to make the right choices.

Soffietta is betrothed to the crown prince, a position many women would kill for. (Something she's been told several times.) Maybe she would have been okay with it--if her parents didn't tear her away from her girlfriend on the eve of her engagement in order to put this political marriage in motion. Furious at losing her chance at happiness with the woman she loves, she decides she's going to play this political game just until she can find a way to get the hell out of there.

extras:

relationship vibes sketch

soffietta early design and info

[tiredsunrisesmeta]

These Jayvik and The Phantom of the Opera parallels are becoming serious business to me! After reading this analysis of Viktor and references to The Phantom of the Opera by @avelera , I've been thinking about other possible references and parallels to The Phantom of the Opera in Jayvik's story. These are some possible ones I've found.

Backstage after her triumphant debut, Christine confesses to her friend, Madame Giry's daughter Meg, that her singing has been inspired by an unseen tutor she knows only as the "Angel of Music" - Wikipedia

[CHRISTINE]

Somehow I know he's always with me

He, the unseen genius

[MEG] Christine, you must have been dreaming

Christine, you're talking in riddles

Stories like this can't come true

And it's not like you

[CHRISTINE]

Angel of Music, guide and guardian

Grant to me your glory (who is this angel?)

(This) angel of Music, hide no longer

Secret and strange angel

He's with me even now

In many ways, Viktor was Jayce's Angel of Music. Viktor was his guide and guardian because not only did he save Jayce from death (twice), he also inspired Jayce's dream to bring magic to the people since he was a child. His dream of hextech was inspired by the mage, who was Viktor all along. Even after Jayce meets present-day Viktor and becomes partners with him, Viktor's dream and insistence on focusing on helping disadvantaged people with hextech helps guide Jayce as well.

There are also multiple references to Viktor as a "voice" that "calls out" to Jayce, inside Jayce's mind. The crystal (given to him by Viktor) Jayce wears on a bracelet is described in extra canon material as "[calling] out [...] with an otherwordly hum, imperceptible to the ear, yet heard deep within the caverns on the brain." In season 2, episode 6, after Viktor watches Jayce kill Salo and comments that another will is at work inside of Jayce, he says the other will was "like a voice." The other will is Viktor. The very first time we see Jayce's memories of the mage who saves his life is when he's knocked out by the hex crystal explosion. The memory comes to him like a dream. These descriptions bring to mind the song "The Phantom of the Opera," specifically these lyrics:

In sleep he sang to me

In dreams he came

That voice which calls to me

And speaks my name

And do I dream again?

For now I find

The phantom of the opera

Is there inside my mind

In turn, Jayce was also Viktor's muse as well. Viktor saw promise in Jayce's theories & research. He was the first person to give Jayce a chance to pursue his dream, the first person to give Jayce a sliver of access to the power & influence he would later gain as the Man of Progress. Jayce becomes the face of hextech, the one who goes on stage while Viktor stays in the shadows, looking on proudly at Jayce & their shared work. This is much like Erik/The Phantom, who from the shadows is the first to nurture Christine's musical talents & orchestrates her rise in the ranks of the Opera house. This dynamic is described once again in the song "The Phantom of the Opera":

I am the mask you wear

It's me they hear

Your spirit and my voice (my spirit and your voice)

In one combined

But there's even more possible parallels and references!

During their fight in the council room in season 2, Viktor brings up Jayce benefiting from Viktor's limited influence & knowledge within Piltover's academic & political worlds when they first started their partnership. He tells Jayce, "You once benefitted from my knowledge of this place." This statement and the rest of the scene reminded me of these lyrics from "All I Ask of You (Reprise)":

I gave you my music

Made your song take wing

And now, how you've repaid me:

Denied me and betrayed me

This isn't the only detail about this scene that reminds me of the All I Ask of You and Reprise scene in The Phantom of the Opera. In this scene, Christine and Raoul sing to each other about their desire to share one love and lifetime together. The Phantom hides behind a statue, eavesdropping and spying on the lovers' exchange. Similarly, in the council room scene, Jayce and Mel talk as Viktor hides and eavesdrops behind a pillar.

A notable difference between these two scenes and an indicator of the ultimate difference between Jayce and Viktor's story to Christine and Erik's is that Jayce and Mel, unlike Christine and Raoul, are having an argument. They do, however, hold each other at the end of the scene after fighting Viktor, and Jayce apologizes to Mel for their argument later on. Nonetheless, they still go their separate ways, which is marked difference from Christine and Raoul's arcs.

In the musical, the Phantom brings Christine to his lair twice. Christine descending into the Phantom's subterranean lair has been described as a descent into the underworld. Similarly, Viktor also brings Jayce into his "lair," domain, or underworld twice. The first time is when Jayce's touches the anomoly and is transported into the apocalyptic future, where he spends most of his time stuck in a cave until he meets Mage Viktor. This first "descent into the underworld" parallels Christine's in that both Jayce and Christine descend to the underworld (into Viktor's apocalyptic future and into the Phantom's lair, respectively) and meet their Angel after looking at their own reflection in a "mirror." Christine sees her reflection in an actual mirror, then she sees the Phantom and reaches out to him. Jayce looks at multiple reflections after he touches the anomaly, which is something Viktor has made. These lyrics from the song "The Mirror" fit these two sequences:

Flattering child, you shall know me

See why in shadow I hide

Look at your face in the mirror

I am there inside

Jayce's and Christine's second descent into their respective "Angel's" lairs also share similarities. Both, for example, happen because of a trap/deception of some kind. In order to defeat the Phantom, Christine is used as bait to lure the Phantom out. At the same time, the Phantom also decieves and traps Christine by secretly killing Christine's male co-lead and replacing him on stage.

Similarly, Viktor, with the help of Ambessa, tricks the Piltover army into believing he is still in his protective cocoon. They put all their efforts into destroying the cocoon, to give Jayce time to power off the hexgates, only to find out Viktor is not inside of it but is instead already in the hexgates with Jayce! Just like the Phantom was already on stage with Christine! But just like Christine is also ticking and trapping the Phantom, Jayce, too, has most likely predicted this turn of events and understands his role as bait and a honeypot to lure Viktor out. Viktor is successfully lured partly because Viktor wants to "evolve" Jayce with his own physical touch, not using his robot puppets or his strings of light like he uses on other characters. In this plan, Jayce will be Viktor's undoing, like Christine will be the Phantom's undoing. It brings to mind these lyrics from "Notes.../Twisted Every Way":

We shall play his game Perform his work, but remember we hold the ace For, if Miss Daaé sings, he is certain to attend

[...]

[CARLOTTA] She's the one behind this! Christine! This is all her doing! [PIANGI] This is the truth! Christine Daaé!

[RAOUL] This is his undoing [ANDRE/FIRMIN] If you succeed, you free us all— This so-called "angel" has to fall!

Much like Christine, Jayce is once again taken into his angel's lair. This time, it isn't the apocalyptic future but instead Viktor's hivemind astral plane.

Another possible POTO reference can be seen when Ekko's Z-Drive partially unmasks Arcane Herald Viktor. Ekko's Z-Drive has Powder's monkeys who play cymbals inside of it. These monkeys resemble the music box in The Phantom of the Opera that plays a role in the scene where Christine unmasks the Phantom for the first time. Similarly, Ekko's Z-Drive cracks open part of Viktor's mask. It's after this that Jayce is able to embrace Viktor, and we see Jayce's memories of Mage Viktor, who, in so many words, "expresses his longing to be loved." After this, Viktor's mask shatters completely.

This is when Jayce, unlike Christine, does not leave the Phantom to be with Raoul, even when Viktor says Jayce must leave. He stays together with Viktor, ensuring that Viktor is not alone in death or wherever the rune takes them.

[PHANTOM]

Say you'll share with me

One love, one lifetime

Lead me, save me from my solitude

[CHRISTINE]

God, give me the courage to show you

You are not alone

Jayce was given the courage to show Viktor he is not alone. They will share one love & one lifetime (timeline). Jayce saved Viktor from his solitude.

[dandysworld-mansionau]

DANDYS WORLD MANSION AU MASTERPOST

WOAH. DANDYS WORLD MANSION AU??? OWNED BY @the-silly-superstar ???  YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK THIS OUT??

BECAUSE ITS DANDYS WORLD AU.

Heh. Epic intro Am I right? Wrong, READ THIS NOWWWWW /silly

Rodger Glass

Rodger Glass, a famous detective living in the town of Gardenview. Was first in an arranged marriage with Connie Boolynski, but is rumored to have murdered her. He was taken to court for these charges, but his own quick wits saved him.

Lives in the town’s great manor with his new wife, Teagan Glass, their employees, and adopted child, Toodles. He doesn’t exactly love Teagan, but he sure loves the money her family brings to them each year. 

He’s rather stern with his employees, a no-nonsense man as he usually is when it comes to work, but one butler does seem to get ‘special treatment’ every now and again.

Teagan Glass

Teagan Glass, the second wife of Rodger’s. She lives in the manor with her husband and adopted child, Toodles.

She comes from a rich background, growing up wealthy and staying that way throughout the years. Despite this, she’s a kind-hearted soul in public, willing to help anyone she knows financially. Behind closed doors it’s a different story. Like Rodger, she’s strict and pushy, but doesn’t mean harm most of the time. She tries to be polite to the employees, but it seems after each passing day her teabag’s rope is wearing thin.

She seems weary of her husband and his whereabouts, especially with that butler, but Shrimpo, the second butler, seems to help her out a bit. 

Glisten

The Manor’s lovely butler, part time diva. He’s not the best at his job, having dropped many plates and drinks, but his jokes towards guests make up for it. He’s most often busy when Rodger has guests, however. He often reads to Toodles and helps her choose outfits each day.

Shrimpo

Shrimpo, the angriest butler in town. Definitely not favorable when it comes to interacting with guests, or anyone really, but excellent at his work. Often assists at Teagan’s tea parties. He’s very easy to set off, but something about Teagan keeps him calm, maybe it’s the smell of the sweet tea?

Tisha

The lovely maid of the manor, consistently cleaning so the place is spotless. Hates when guests dirty her floors with the ichor outside, cleaning their shoes before they even enter. Enjoys Toodles’ company while she works, but the lovely ghost of the mansion keeps her company.

Design update notes - jabot added and sleeves are more similar to Connie’s, just round. Gloves also have three rounded edges. Has petticoat under dress

Connie Glass Boolynski

Rodger’s previous, now deceased wife whom haunts where she died. Cause of death? Her corset was incredibly tight, allowing her husband to stealthily stab her. She bled out, unknowing of her fate until it was far too late.

Design update notes - chest and sleeves are more triangular and pointy.

Toodles 

The young daughter recently adopted by the Glass family. Astounding straight-A student, despite apparently never studying. She enjoys reading books or hosting small ‘fashion shows’ with the butler Glisten when he’s not busy. Dislikes Teagan, finding Tisha’s company more welcoming and comfortable.

LINEUP (w/ flat colors)

RULES

No nsfw asks, even if the characters are adults!

Suggestive is fine tho, ig?

If I’m uncomfortable with the ask, I’ll ignore it tho.

Don’t be mean!! Bullying is a no no here

No proshippers/creeps allowed >:(

FAQ

Can I make fanart?

Yes!! Tag me so I can see it!

Can I make nsfw?

I’d rather you don’t, to be honest, but I can’t stop you, GO FOR IT! The kids and any animal characters are strictly OFF LIMITS for this though.

If you do make nsfw, DO NOT TAG ME IN IT. I will quite literally block you if you do.

What do you plan on making with this?

Comics, art, or whatever, honestly. I don’t exactly have any big plans, but I’ll mess with this for as long as I want to.

I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS RAHHH

Go to the ask box for more info cause omg I hate writing all this!! :]

Also, quick intro, I’m Uni! (She/they, @the-silly-superstar ) I’m really into dandy’s world rn, so AU!! First time with a more ‘big’ AU blog, if that makes sense, so be nice plz :(

Also, you can ask me questions about the AU, or ask the characters directly!

Have fun with this chat!

[lovemyromance]

Antis act like Nesta & Cassian were supposed to report on every Elain or Azriel moment like the ACOSF was an Elriel book, not a NESSIAN story.

😭😭

Do they not realize that just due to the sheer time Gwyn, Azriel, Nesta, and Cassian spent together through training every day - it would've been 10000% easier for SJM to write either Nesta or Cassian witnessing some romantic attraction between Gwyn & Azriel?

Nesta could've noticed Gwyn had a new necklace. Cassian could've noticed Gwyn blushing at Azriel (instead of when he noticed she blushed for Rhys lmao). Either could've witnessed some romantic intent ... not just a random glance here and there and Gwyn being sassy (to everyone, not just Azriel)

Instead of the EASY route - SJM went out of her way to write Elriel moments.

Like, Elain barely talked to Nesta in ACOSF - and STILL somehow, SJM included Azriel.

Conveying scenes of OTHER characters from Nesta & Feyre's POV is very limiting. And still - we have SO many Elriel moments....

There's no reason to painstakingly lay out so many Elriel moments if they end up with other people. Nobody does that level of distraction for multiple books - not even SJM. Unless both the next books are about Elain, there's not a chance this is a Tamlin situation. Not to mention ... why tf would she do that AGAIN. In the same series. With Feyre's sister??

Do yall think she repeats the plot of book 1, and repeats phrases like "secret lovely beauty" because her creativity has run THAT dry??

Be so fr.

[puckpocketed]

At @neonfretra ‘s request, a closer look at the stickers :

More ID and trivia under the cut!! :D

(1) ID: Sticker in the shape of an arched window. The design is a parody of Atlas holding the world on his shoulders. Instead of a globe he holds a sparkling disco ball. Text following the disco ball’s arch reads: ��Make Disco…” and below Atlas, “Popular Again. We can dance all night long. Sancho’s Dirty Laundry.” On either side of Atlas text reads: “[Established] 2009.” /. End ID.

Sancho’s is a printmaker/spray paint/merch store that i love to frequent. Many of the stickers here are from Sancho’s. I have many more pasted into my notebooks. Sancho is one of those people who’s like… effortlessly cool and you wanna impress her sooo bad and she’s extremely out of your league. Does this make sense??

Anyways this sticker was a collaboration from a guest artist apparently!! She does these sometimes and sells the designs as stickers.

I wish i had my nice notebook on me because i cut out a stamped design from one of her paper bags she gives out to customers who buy things, it’s this giant rat-boy-man-guy dressed like a greaser?? God. She’s so cool. Did i mention that.

(2) ID: Die cut cartoon duck sticker looking rotund and angry and carrying a knife in its wing. Text over its head reads: “Peace was never an option.” /. End ID

Sticker from Sancho’s <3 She has this big fuck off box just sitting on the counter filled with stickers, a completely disorganised pile of them <3 each sticker is like?? $2-3??? $7 for 3 deal if memory serves.

I love this duckie sooo bad. It’s very Quentin-Musty-trade-request to me <3

(3) ID: Sticker of a cartoon dog DJ’ing, the art style is a pastiche of Keith Haring, with bold lines and simple representations of shapes and limited colours. /. End ID.

Sancho’s sticker!! I think I was with a friend the day I found this one + the other Haring-style sticker. That was a really good day. Not to be sappy but i really love being in community with artists and taking walks in the city and browsing for little treats and chattering away. I feel so warm thinking about days like those. <3

(4) ID: Sticker of a bathroom scene in a very simple cartoon art style. A person in floaties and a naval captain’s hat takes a bath with a flamingo and holds out a can of soda to the viewer. The soda can reads, “Vacation” in tiled, diagonal text. The shower curtain text reads “Isolation”. /. End ID.

Sancho’s!! Another guest artist print I believe.. man i love these… I should ask her about the lore behind them. I love hoarding stories.

I kept the ID short but there’s so much to say about this little sticker. I look at it and see something new every time. The little faces on the cactus and the sun. The cactus holding a tiny umbrella. MAN!!!! Just very aspirational for me as someone who overworks and overthinks their art. This kind of absurdist (???) stuff is soooo <333

(5) ID: Die cut sticker of a hand. The thumb and forefinger are almost touching, the pinky finger sticks out, curled away from the rest of the fingers. /. End ID.

This one is from a sticker book!! I loved this gesture sooo much.

Someone once said my hands resembled the kinds of hands they painted in fancy old portraits and I still think about that to this day

(6) ID: Die cut sticker of a rabbit playing cello. /. End ID.

(7) ID: Square sticker of a skull encircled by a wreath of vines and wands/rods in a triangle. It resembles a postage stamp. /. End ID.

(8) ID: Die cut sticker of a maple leaf. /. End ID.

(9) ID: Circle sticker depicting a tram coming towards the viewer. It has huge cartoon eyes and a smiling mouth. Text reads: “I rode the light rail.”

Not much to say about 6-8 except i thought they were cute… yes the skull included i think the eye holes shaped like that look like downturned brows. Like the skull is making pleading eyes at me <3 i think theyre all from a sticker book.

LIGHT RAIL STICKER MY BELOVED!!! My tiny little tram line… so happy she exists <3 I used to bike past it in blistering heat for the couple years it was being built…. I longed for a day i could dodge fares and escape the heat in air conditioned bliss <3

Our government has kinda been faffing about with promises of extending the line further and im mad about it !! Give my girl her 8x12M contract extension NEEOW

(10) ID: Die cut sticker of a black cat holding a knife in it’s mouth. Its ears and tail are up in excitement, it stares with big round eyes. /. End ID.

The animal + knife thing comes up twice, whatever they say about nickels !! <3

I think ?? This is a Sancho’s sticker? Not like, one of hers but one of the many loose stickers in the Sticker Lucky Dip Box <3 i like taking my very cultured friends there and rummaging around in the sticker box while i let them go at the imported Japanese clothes and the fuckoff-huge coffee table artbooks/fashion tomes/cocktail bibles

(11) ID: Die cut sticker of a branch of wattles, an Australian acacia characterised by its golden puff ball clusters. The sticker’s gold foil is faded slightly from wear. /. End ID.

Got this one as well as (15) from a Christmas bonbon a while back and unearthed the stickers in a desk clean out shortly after I started decorating this case!! :3

Not a Christmas guy tbh but that year i got together with some friends and played a couple card games.. it was a good day <3 my stickers are filled with memories waaaahhhh

(12) ID: Die cut sticker of a chick in a pink bonnet holding up an umbrella made out of an eggshell. /. End ID.

(13) ID: Die cut sticker of a corked medicine bottle labelled “Effervescent Brain Salt.” It claims, “Cures headaches and indigestion,” at the neck of the bottle. In finer print on the main label, “Brain troubles, headaches, sea sickness, nervous debility, sleeplessness, excessive study mania, over brainwork.” /. End ID.

What else is there to say about this… the jokes tell themselves… hilarious sticker no notes <3

(14) ID: Die cut sticker of a black pansy flower in bloom. /. End ID.

(15) ID: Die cut sticker of a red-flowering gum on a branch. It is an Australian eucalyptus tree characterised by bright red flowers. /. End ID.

(16) ID: Square sticker of two people dancing in a pastiche of Kieth Haring’s art style. Instead of separate heads, they are joined into one with a red heart at the center. /. End ID.

I knowww the commercialisation of his art is kinda shit and bad but i am NOT immune to it… sowwie… i think most queer merch is unbearably tacky PLEASE let me have these $3 stickers…. Wauhghhh…

As you can see the protective film is lifting </3 I gotta glue that shit down soon

(17) ID: Die cut sticker, a pastiche of Gosōtei Hirosada’s 1855 print Kasa Ippon-ashi. It depicts a kabuki actor dressed as the Japanese yokai Kasa-obake, which takes the form of a one-legged umbrella creature. The art is done in the style of a traditional tattoo. /. End ID.

I got this one digging through a bowl of stickers at a tattoo parlour while I was waiting for my artist!!

The tattoo i got that day was a huge trad dagger piercing through skin + a crescent moon. I chatted up the receptionist and she said she just prints them in her spare time and i could take one free <3 i love womun… <3

I take semi regular buses for day-trips to go trawling through the cafe scene in a city about 3 hours away im silly like that and also we dont have nice cross country trains </3 and I sat next to a guy who he remarked upon the sticker and we got to chatting about our tattoos

He was a tattoo artist travelling back home!! He gave me so many recommendations for places to try and i feel so bad i barely remember them all but it was just. Y’know. One of those wonderful experiences from out of a movie where the person you sat next to is cool as hell and human connection wins over zoning out for 3 hours to podcasts LMAO

I need to write about him in one of my artsy diary pieces… the memory is already a bit of a smudge i fearrr….

Anyway i dooo oscillate between lookin like an unassuming preppy uni student -> greasy gothdyke-fag depending on how long my shirt sleeves are… eughg long winded way of saying people make a lot of assumptions about my character . Anyways this sticker is a great icebreaker for letting people know they can talk to me about tattoos <3

Im really sad that there’s bits that have lifted and i was forced to cut them off for fear of further lifting… but it’s ok!! Theres some poetry to the impermanence of it.. if i squint and tilt my head…..

(18) ID: Die cut sticker of a ladybug. /. End ID.

(19) ID: Die cut sticker of a colourful feather. It is green, red, yellow, and off-white, and very fluffy. /. End ID.

IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR. HI. This took a fair bit longer than i thought it would <3 I love over-explaining and telling stories you will never catch me shutting up ever… i hope you enjoyed show-and-tell with puckpocketed… pastpocketed had no idea what he signed up for when he said an ID was comin LOL

QUITE late but. hockeyblr coffee playdate? working on transcripts today while scoreboard watching the habs game

[pettson]

anyone saying hbo made tess look weak because she didn't violently kill anyone or she's pining for joel or whatever, well listen i think you are the one making her look weak

yes joel is the muscle, but there are more ways of being badass than showing physical strength. i mean we see her take a beating like it's nothing (boring even, she is literally waiting for them to get it over with), we see her be a boss in every situation, the one calling the shots, the leader, the big spoon, he listens to her

and then we see her be fragile and vulnerable in her last dying moments, and that makes you think that she's what, a pushover?

excuse me tess servopolous would never let anyone walk over her, and i don't know how they could have made that any clearer

[alongtidesoflight]

so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.

full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.

oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.

i'm starting off with the things i liked

the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.

combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less

the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.

your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.

the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.

speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.

bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.

varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.

the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).

rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.

and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately

the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.

tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???

there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.

i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.

that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.

for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol

in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.

the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.

this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.

when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.

morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.

dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.

on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.

really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.

for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.

rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.

speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.

the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything

[fatedroses]

When you're the emperor of an entire nation and undoubtably have countless very important things to do...

...but you instead drive over to your friend's estate deep in the mountains to surprise him, just to be a normal person for a little while.

(Aka he's hiding out so he can nap in the arboretum for a couple days.)

[ahalliance]

qantoine’s coping mechanism to feeling left behind being both self-isolating and becoming possesive of those he cares for is so juicy as a concept . like yeah you go you funky creachure, manifest those complicated and sometimes contradictory emotions

[acecasinova]

-tosses really niche lineart to the wind and scuttles back under a rock-

[arolesbianism]

hello gamers minor life update I have been doing Real bad lately so I will likely continue to be very inactive, but hey on the bright side I have been fleshing out some eternal gales lore I reworked a while back and I can happily say that Dodie no longer completely contradicts the very nature of reality in eternal gales and the fog tower™ officially has a real reason to exist again so hell yeah to that

[ambrosiagourmet]

I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.

[littlestpersimmon]

Hi guys. Am sick rn, but had wanted to post this before I go and sleep.

Some of you may already know that patreon sent out an update that charges anyone using ios to subscribe to artist's patreons 30% more.

I immediately feel this impact mere hours later, and now, days later. I'm hemorrhaging patrons & have less income. It would mean the while world to me if you guys could please reblog this.

If you use the desktop version or the android app? you will not have to pay 30% more. Needless to say this decision of apple has completely fucked me over months and months to come, unless I somehow make up for my loss by other means.

My patreon is only a dollar a month!

I have around 400 exclusive artwork on it :)

I am working on uploading more art there, and more comics once I am done with my current contract as a comic artist.

I am currently partially homeless- so being alive in general is hard ;y; I wanted to focus more of my work on patreon, until this update- I only have one tier.

I am working as hard as I can, every month ♡ I am also the caretaker of three disabled people- as my dad, who used to do all the housework, is now too sick with a swollen liver that could possibly be connected to his heart problems, and my mama who has limited movement- she "died" of sepsis many years ago after giving birth to my sister, and was revived with nerve damage. I don't know the medical terms, but she was brain dead for however long, and was successfully brought back in a different hospital. She was comatose for months; this event has lead to my family losing everything in hospital bills, our car, our house (literally we became homeless) ah. But long story short, I am the only person in my family who works- as my sister is a teenager, and she is autistic with a very, very low frustration threshold, as she is also a picky eater and still going to school! I'm sorry, many of my followers already know this story by now, I have already doxxed myself multiple times trying to avert crisis after crisis, ahaha. But yes. Patreon added to my cart of Sorrows, and would love to have more folks who aren't using apple, or are using android and the web to come on over and maybe enjoy some of my private art up there. I post around 3-6 art a month, if I am lucky 7. I want to keep making art, and my patreon was what was giving me a semblance of stability until that silly update. Sorry for the long post, and I appreciate everyone helping, reblogging, saying kind words to me, praying for me. G-d bless you all, and stay safe

My patreon:

Direct tipping jar:

My print shop!

[ayahoftheday]

this campaign has been verified by @gaza-evacuation-funds

spreadsheet N.332

@beingabeabi @evergreen-oflife @finalgirlabigailhobbs @sayruq @sar-soor @pregnantseinfeld @tamamita @serial-unaliver @schoolhater @heritageposts @@el-shab-hussein @imsocializingabit @s1lv3rp4w3dc4t @hiigififfi @eline-131106 @mangoaur @thedigitalbard @flincher @beloved-blackbird @buzzingroyalty @always-sober-botts @fireyfobbitmedicine / @grandmaskisses @battleteacake @jaylung101 @gaza-assist

@gothhabiba @punkitt-is-here @stil-lindigo @halalchampagnesocialist @spooksier @jonahmagnus @artemis-pendragon @lesbian-hannibal

@wormzandgutz @tlirsgender @apas-95 @doorhine @chilewithcarnage @daloy-politsey @renegadeer @fadedlovemp3 @lelouch @saint-vagrant  @dayvan @1eos @serial-unaliver @cakemadeofbacon @mx-piggy @autisticandroids @taffybuns @anarchblr @ragingbullmode @997 @sunlitmcgee @cdfreak @starsincline @tpwrtr mnky @sonicattos @xinakwans @givemearmstopraywith @loombreaking @thedarksideofmymoonhasmatches @killy @deathlonging @palms-upturned @gigginox @threefeline@creativebrainrot  @fabmab @budd-ie @medusadyke @relelvance @teachiisan @vincentspork @teabisexual @officialscud @lazyleafeon @vensulove

للأسف اليوم تم تأكيد اصابة والدتي بمرض السرطان الخبيث 😔💔 ، كم هذا مؤلم وصعب جدا سماع ذلك

ما أصاب والدتي هو بسبب ما نعيشه من فقر الغذاء والدواء والمجاعة ومن الحرب والدمار وغبار الصواريخ السامة  التي تتساقط علينا في غزة

أطلب منكم اليوم أن تقفوا بجانبي وبجانب امي لكي نستطيع علاجها 💔💔😔😔😔

Unfortunately, today it was confirmed that my mother has been diagnosed with malignant cancer 😔💔, how painful and difficult this is to hear. What happened to my mother is because of the poverty of food and medicine, famine, war, destruction, and the dust of toxic missiles that are falling on us in gaza

Today I ask you to stand by me and my mother so that we can treat her 💔💔😔😔😔

[idiopathicsmile]

School Gymnastics: A Tragicomedy

So one day when we were in third grade, our P.E. teacher divided us into girls and boys. (I don’t remember what the boys had to do. Wrestling? Tackle football? I don’t know, probably not at age nine, but that’s not the point. Gladiatorial combat? I still don’t really understand kids’ sports.)

What matters for this story is that all the girls had to do gymnastics. Now—and I suspect this won’t surprise you if you know literally anything about me—I was always terrible at any form of school athletics. I am intensely, almost impressively uncoordinated. This doesn’t affect my life much at 36, but it was often a miserable way to be a kid. The only playground game I liked was playing pretend, because when you are playing pretend, you don’t have a bunch of people ostensibly on your side screaming in your ear, “Pretend faster! Pretend over there! Pretend with greater accuracy!”

Anyway, gymnastics and my clumsy, doughy little body. I couldn’t do a cartwheel. I couldn’t do a backwards somersault. I couldn't do any of it. We had an entire unit on this business and I literally did not learn how to even safely attempt a single move besides the log roll (lie flat and roll sideways on your belly). In retrospect, this seems like maybe it was in part a teaching problem, not a me problem, but that’s actually not the point either.

The point is, at the end of the unit, we were told to divide ourselves into little teams and choreograph a group gymnastics routine. My group, faced with my long list of limitations (more limitation than girl, really) decide my role will be to just forwards-somersault around the rest of the group as they do their moves. (This is itself kind of embarrassing but trust me, it is but the appetizer.) My friend Ashley has the Lion King soundtrack and we all agree that it is a great choice. The movie has only come out a couple of years earlier, and it of course features some funny, peppy options. 'Hakuna Matata'? 'I Just Can't Wait to Be King'? It's all coming together.

Carried on a wave of youthful enthusiasm, none of us even think to double-check which track Ashley has picked. Foreshadowing!

So the day of the performance comes. Another group goes right before us. They had picked “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls, which was a huge hit at the time. I mean, it still is because it’s a classic, but then it was big and new. They step onto the mat and immediately begin to do choreographed dance moves, which they have worked into their routine. We had not thought of this. Oops. Dance moves, of course! So they incorporate the necessary gymnastics, it goes over really well, the energy is high, and now it’s my group’s turn.

I take my place at the edge of the mat, the mat we are required to stay on for the length of the piece. Ashley cues up the track she’d chosen.

A song starts up. Instantly, I recognize it from the movie. It is the very slow instrumental music that plays when Simba realizes his dad is dead.

‘Well, this is not optimal,’ I think. I've been on this planet for nine years; I can see that much. But it’s too late to change the track, and so I tell myself, ‘It’s okay. I’m a performer. I can sell this.’ I put on an extremely solemn face and begin to execute a series of the world’s saddest somersaults.

Friends, when I say “sad” I mean it, in every possible sense of the word. Picture a nine year old with the gravest possible affect, determinedly doing somersaults to the slowest, most serious music she can imagine, in a careful ring around her friends who have actually learned any gymnastics whatsoever. Okay, now as the music starts to pick up and get more hopeful, imagine she gets real dizzy and in front of everyone, she rolls all the way directly off the mat, careening dangerously towards the assembled students.

Somehow, I roll myself back onto the mat, we survive what feels like hours of humiliation, we stagger away, and I blessedly avoid adding “puking my guts out in front of all of my peers” to my very short list of gymnastics tricks.

Later, I asked Ashley what in the world possessed her to choose that song.

“It didn’t have any words,” she said.

(There was absolutely no rule against using songs that had lyrics.)

Anyway, that’s why being an adult is better than being a kid.

I may have to do laundry and make my own dinner and wrestle with more complex existential angst, but you know what I haven’t been asked to do in like 26 years? Somersault for three minutes straight to the musical shorthand for “this cartoon lion cub has no choice but to process the weight of unimaginable grief for his dead dad.” And you know what? If I live another 50 years, I can be pretty confident nobody will ask me to do it then, either.