#with that CRUSTY BOB WIG.

[permanentreverie]

oh wait! i have more thoughts! whoda thought!

[icewindandboringhorror]

I don’t know how much it actually remains relevant to a person in their adult life, but I think it’s super fascinating to see people’s “gender envy” (I guess?? not sure what to call it) lists from early childhood - Like exactly which characters did they see in cartoons or movies or wherever and immediately go “I Would Like To Look And Present Exactly Like This”, like characters/actors/etc. that at 7 - 12yrs old (first conceptualizing yourself) you were very drawn to and attracted to NOT in a “romantic crush” way, but just a “I would like to BE them” gender expression sort of way ... also a fun bonus is that probably anyone you talk to about this, the list is usually ridiculous since children are weird and likely not being very discerning about who they gender imprint on

[artificialqueens]

nostalgia in reverse: part one (thorcid) - featherpluckn

AN: This is a fic I’ve been marinating on and planning for a while now. I’ve always wanted to write a story inspired by the Stevie Nicks song, “Love Is”. If you’re interested in seeing where this fic is going, listen to this song. I apologize in advance.

I decided to do something a little AU with Thorgy still as a drag queen and Acid as a photographer. Bob makes a cameo in this first chapter but out of drag so I used his boy name.

Summary: Reverse Nostalgia - The odd feeling you get when you realize you are in a moment of time you will later feel nostalgic for…

Spring

Jamin didn’t mean to turn into the kind of person who needs to run a few miles every day to feel complete. It started as way to get off of the couch. A way to lose those pesky ten pounds age and slowing metabolism have made particularly stubborn.

The more he ran though, the more he craved the early morning solitude. Especially, since spring had finally graced Brooklyn with its presence. The early morning air is still brisk but the shining sun warms his face and it is such a freeing feeling.  

Jamin’s street is lined with trees blooming in shades of pink and white. His neighbor’s window boxes have exploded in purple and yellow. The cafes he runs past have sprouted umbrella topped tables outside that are fussed over by tired looking servers setting up for a rush of people looking for caffeine and carbs.

He’s loathe to admit the changing weather puts him in a good mood. The new season makes him wish he could bring along his camera and shoot mid-stride. He wants to try to capture this feeling to look at when the gray, slushy cold days of winter return.

This time of day means there isn’t much traffic crawling through the streets. He can retreat into a world where all he has to worry about is the dual burning in his lungs and legs, and the pulsing electronic beats in his ears. Out here on the street is where he meditates, and he lives for it.

*

Jamin is in special need of his respite early one Tuesday morning. It seemed like he had been editing the same set of five photographs all night. They just wouldn’t come together, and he finally decided to stop fiddling with them before he threw his computer through the window.

He was too jacked on Red Bulls to go to sleep and even though the sun had not quite risen and it was almost two hours earlier than his usual run, he slipped on his sneakers and headed out.

Jamin is mumbling along to the song in his earbuds when he hits his stride. He knows there is an uneven bit of cement coming up so he looks down to check how close he is to it. It only takes a split second, but when he looks back up it’s too late to stop himself from running into the person coming the other way.

The impact knocks them both back on their asses. Jamin keeps the back of his head from smacking into the pavement, but his elbows are what stop his fall and, fuck, that’s going to hurt later.

Before he can even peel himself off the pavement, the stranger is crawling towards him. The person is wearing a short colorful sequined dress, acid-washed ripped jacket, a battered pair of Toms, and their dreads are tied up on top of their head with a faded floral scarf.

The contour is fading but the heavy eyeliner, overdrawn lips, and painted freckles give away the drag queen probably coming home from a gig.

“Oh my god! Are you okay? I’m soooo sorry I ran into you. Even though, you were technically the one running. I’m never even on my phone usually. Ugh! Do you need first aid? I’ve taken the course but I’m technically not certified anymore but how much can it change really? I mean…just don’t let them die, you know what I mean?”

As their rambling comes to an end with a giggle, Jamin slowly pulls himself up to a sitting position.

“Are you hurt?”

“Ummm, I’m okay. I think my elbows are just scraped up. You really should watch whe-”

He is stopped mid-sentence by the sound of a bag being unceremoniously tipped out onto the sidewalk. What is apparently the person’s glasses land on top of the pile.

“Maybe I should have been wearing these. I would have seen you coming.”

The queen cackles and Jamin can’t stop himself from letting out an amused snort.

“I’m Shane, by the way.”

“Jamin.”

Shane starts rifling through the detritus in front of him but looks up suddenly and smiles.

“Ohhhh! I love your name! Sorry I ran into you, Jamin.”

Before Jamin has time to process the cute eye-crinkling smile Shane sends his way, the other man bends back over the open bag in front of him. He sifts through a patterned pair of pants, rhinestone covered pumps, two pieces of the same huge curly wig and finally unearths a pack of baby wipes.

“Woo! I knew they were in here somewhere.”

“You have a baby in that bag too?”

The queen giggles. “Nooooooo. They aren’t just for babies’ butts. They get out everything. Plus, it’s the only thing I have to clean up those elbows. We don’t want you getting tetanus or salmonella or whatever the fuck is on this sidewalk.”

Shane sits crossed legged right there in the middle of the damn pavement and takes Jamin’s arm gently in his hands.

Shane grimaces and bites his lip. “I’m not sure if this is going to sting or not. I’ve never used these to clean out a cut.”

“I can take it.”

“I bet you can.” Shane winks and sets to cleaning up the scrape on Jamin’s arm.

The intake of breath definitely comes from the cold wipe hitting his raw skin and not the flirty comment.

Shane sets to his task with the utmost concentration. His pink tongue pokes out a little while he tries to remove all the dirt from around the wounds. He leans back admiring his work when he’s done and then blows across the skinned area. Jamin starts a little at the unexpected sensation and Shane stops immediately.

“I’m sorry. Was that not okay? My mom used to do it all of the time. It always made me feel better but I’m not sure it has any legitimate medical purpose.”

“No. I mean, yeah it’s fine.”

Their eyes meet. Jamin isn’t sure what to think of the person in front of him. The situation is surprisingly intimate for two people who randomly ran into each other on the street. But he can’t say it’s bothering him. It really is fine and it is so not like him to be this accommodating to a complete fucking stranger.

“Good.”

Shane grins and digs through what is left in his bag pulling out a handful of loose Band-Aids.

“I think these might match your sneakers.”

Shane unwraps the bandages and Jamin can see they are bright neon pink and orange. He tries his best to cover the majority of the scrapes and sits back to admire his work.

“Looking good. Let me clean the other side and I’ll get out of your hair.”

Jamin makes a noise of agreement but while Shane once again starts to clean around his wounds all he can think of is how much he kind of wants to know more about a drag queen who carries an apartment worth of stuff around on his shoulder.

The feeling blindsides him. It has been a long time since he’s had the desire to get to know someone outside of a one-night stand, and even longer since anything remotely resembling a relationship. But there is something charming and magnetic about Shane, even in crusty half drag at sunrise. All he can think of as he looks down at the man’s long legs covered in ripped fishnets is what they look like under there. What does he do when he’s not entertaining drunk people in a bar for tips?  

Shane had just finished placing two more Band-Aids over the final scrapes when Jamin clears his throat.

“So, look…um…I don’t do this very often but is there any way I can have your number?”

The other man looks up slowly, mouth slightly open and eyes wide.

“A-Are you ser…What?….Of course. Sure!”

“Really?”

“Yes! I almost killed you. I probably look like an extra from The Walking Dead at this point in my night and you still ask for my number? And you’re a motherfucking cutie?” Shane scoffs loudly. “How can I say no?”

Jamin wraps his earbuds around his phone and hands it to Shane before he can change his mind. He punches in his number quickly and hands it back.

“Thorgy?”

Shane gestures around his face before answering. “Drag name. I figured you would be less likely to forget me that way.”

Jamin shakes his head and holds up his bandaged elbows. “I think you took care of that already.”

Shane starts digging through the pile of stuff on the cement and what’s left in his bag presumably looking for his phone. After a string of curses, he ends up handing Jamin an eyebrow pencil and what looks like a Subway receipt to write down his number.  

The two say their good-byes and Jamin takes off for his apartment once more, trying to make sense of the inexplicably strong feelings he has for a practical stranger.

**

When Shane gave Jamin his number, he didn’t think he would actually contact him.

It took two days for Jamin to text him, but he did.

Shane saved Jamin’s number in his contacts as Sidewalk Booty with no less than ten peach emojis because he may not have seen him coming, but he definitely saw him leaving.

The two decided to go out the following Friday after texting back and forth about the state of Jamin’s elbows for far too long but all he can think about throughout the exchange is how much he doesn’t know about the other man. He agreed to go out with someone he met on the street.

It isn’t a booty call and it isn’t a one night stand.

There will be eye contact and conversation and a whole night of putting himself out there. He breaks out in a sweat just thinking about it, but Jamin seemed genuinely nice with such a cute smile and beautiful eyes.

So, instead of blowing him off or pretending like he has plans he forgot about, he tells him to pick the place and text him the details.

Shane is proud of himself for exactly three minutes before he begins to freak the fuck out.

He recognizes the feeling and needs to find a way to center himself before his train of thought throws him completely off track.

He needs to find his happy place.

He needs to call Chris.

*

An hour later the two friends are in Shane’s favorite thrift shop. It has everything anyone could ever want all packed onto circular racks and hanging from hooks on every available surface. There are plenty of decisions to make so he doesn’t have to focus on the real life date he has in a few days.

The two shoot the shit about gigs for twenty minutes but the whole time Shane can feel Chris’ eyes on him. He knows his voice sounded shaky and high-pitched when he called him. He was stupid to think his best friend wouldn’t pick up on it.

They get through three racks of clothes before Chris finally gets it out of him, like Shane knew he would.  

“Okay, bitch. Spill. What has you all worked up?”

When Shane finishes going through the whole ordeal with Jamin, from the run-in to the walk-off to the impending date, Chris slowly puts the dress he was holding up to his body back on the rack, sighs heavily, and rubs his temples.

“So. Let me get this straight. You plow this guy down at the asscrack of dawn in a dress with Thorgy still all over your face, kiss his boos-boos, and he asks for your number?”

“I didn’t kiss his boos-boos.” Shane mumbles under his breath.

“Irrelevant. My point is, we’re all out here Tindring and Grindring and cruising hard for trade at the bar, and the bitch who can’t even figure out how to screenshot runs into someone on the goddamn street. Un-fucking-believable!”

“What exactly is Gr-”

“Who, if you are to be believed, is a gorgeous set of cheekbones with an immaculate ass?”

“Yes. That is all true but I don’t even know his last name or where he works or if he’s a serial killer who’s going to chain me up to his radiator and make me live off of Mountain Dew and Fruit Loops!”

“Oh my god! I told you to stop watching that true crime channel.” Chris makes his way around the rack of clothes shaking his head. He takes Shane by the shoulders and looks him dead in the eyes. “I love you, Shane. You are one of my best, good friends but you have to stop being afraid of things you haven’t planned down to the last detail. Sometimes life happens in the chaos. Let life happen to you.”

He’s right. Chris is right.

Being cautious is one thing, but letting it keep him from something that could possibly bring a little bit of joy into his life is ludicrous.

Shane takes a deep breath and pulls in Chris for a tight hug. “Thank you for talking louder than the voices in my head.”

“Well, don’t say I never did anything for you. Oh, but do me a favor please? At the very least, get yourself laid for Christ’s sake. What’s it been, two years?”

Shane jerks away with an offended gasp. “I hooked up with that guy two months ago, thank you very much.”

“Someone paying you $300 after a gig to spank them in a hotel room is barely a hook up.”

“There was a candle. It counts.”

**

It was embarrassing how much time Jamin had spent picking out a restaurant. He asked Shane his preferences and his response was less than helpful.

I will literally eat anything. I mean it. Chocolate-covered grasshoppers are delicious.

So, that really didn’t narrow down the choices.

In the end, he decided on a little place his sister had taken him for brunch a few weeks ago. It was a few blocks down from his apartment and he had walked passed it probably a hundred times without realizing what was inside. The restaurant’s exterior was nondescript but the unique setup inside made up for it. There were floor-to-ceiling books on one side surrounding the bar. Dark hardwood floors and reclaimed wood tables made the whole atmosphere cozy. The back seating area was a sunroom with white-washed walls and natural light flooding in through huge windows. There was also a garden patio complete with ivy-covered brick, and quaint little two-top tables perfect for when the weather would become even nicer in the coming months.

Something tells him Shane will appreciate the eclectic nature of the place.

*

Jamin had been nervous all day. He showered and shaved and changed his clothes three times but it was still too early to leave. He didn’t want to seem too eager, but they are meeting at the restaurant so he can always get a drink or two in before Shane gets there. Maybe it will help his nerves.

He is finishing up his second Jameson when Shane walks in precisely five minutes early.

The only thing the same about him is the dreads half tied back on his head. Shane is all boy this time, broad-shouldered and lean wearing a black and white patterned tee underneath a blazer with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and fitted gray slacks. With his face bare of makeup, Jamin can see he has a jawline to die for and he can make out pretty blue eyes behind his round glasses.

Jamin is so distracted by taking in Shane completely out of drag he doesn’t even notice he’s been staring until Shane raises an eyebrow.

The other man has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face when he says, “Hey! Nice to see you again!”

Jamin laughs at himself a little before responding. “It’s nice to you again too. Sorry. You just look so different from the last time I saw you.”

“Good different?”

“Yes. Yeah, really good different.”

Shane nods and before he looks down at his feet, Jamin can make out his genuine smile and the blush spreading across his cheeks.

“Can I hug you?”

Jamin hears himself say it but doesn’t think it’s really him. Because when’s the last time he asked anyone for a hug?

Honestly, probably never.

He knows he’s smiling with all his teeth too which probably looks a little odd to an innocent bystander but Shane just looks so shy and bashful and sweet at the compliment.

Shane brings his eyes back up and smiles even wider, opening his arms and coming forward.

Jamin is a few inches shorter than Shane so his chin fits right in the crook of his neck. He should be self conscious about the fact Shane can probably feel the sweat on his temple that popped up when he walked in, but he’s too preoccupied by the man’s racing pulse against his cheek.

It’s nice, and it has been a long time since Jamin has had anything nice in his life.

A few seconds after it starts, however, someone clears their throat behind them. Jamin turns to find the hostess trying to hide a smile.

“Sir, your table is ready.”

Jamin lets Shane go and follows the hostess. He gestures with his head for Shane to follow behind them. “C’mon, then.”

He feels Shane put his hand low on his back while they wind their way through the dining area towards their table in the sunroom, and he knows he’s grinning like an idiot again.

The weight of his hand is grounding. It makes him realize this is real. It isn’t some faceless person he’s fantasizing about while he’s trying to fall asleep at night. No matter what happens, he knows if he plays his cards right he could at least make a very good friend out of this.

**

Shane isn’t sure what his expectations had been for this date. Sure, he was hoping he’d have a nice meal with a nice man but even for someone usually so upbeat Shane can’t stop smiling.

As he sits down and opens the menu, he looks over at Jamin doing the same. The man looks absolutely delicious. His faux hawk is styled just so and he’s biting his lip around a piercing that Shane finds himself desperately wanting to know what it feels like to kiss.

It’s hard for Shane to see in himself what others see, but the way Jamin looked at him when he walked in set him on fire.

Even when he’s told himself he is absolutely not hooking up with this guy tonight. Absolutely, under no circumstances, will he give in and bend Jamin over this table right here in front of God and everybody on a Friday night.

He already feels a connection to him and he wants to see where that can go, damnit. Sex can complicate things for Shane. It makes him want to cling onto a person, and he confuses sexual attraction for something deeper.  If what he’s feeling is actually more than lust, everything will fall into place.

Then, and only then, they can fuck like bunnies. He nods his head at himself proud of his decision.

“What?”

“Huh?”

“You were just nodding your head. Did you find something you wanted to eat?”

Shane cackles abruptly because Jamin has no idea what he really wants to eat is him. Jamin starts chuckling too but still has a questioning look on his face.

“Just, um, I was thinking about how nice you look.”

Jamin looks genuinely surprised before he gestures down to himself. “I guess I found a way to make the Dad bod work.” He pulls a silly, wannabe sexy face that makes Shane laugh again.

“Dad bod? Please! I’ve never thought about any dad the way that sweater over those biceps is making me think about you.”

Shane is saved from saying too much more by the server coming over to go over the wine list and specials.

Once the two have ordered they make small talk over a couple of glasses of Shiraz. Shane learns Jamin’s last name, that he is a photographer, and that he cannot stand mayonnaise.

And Shane tells him how he got his drag name, that he plays the violin, and that he is obsessed with mustard.

The conversation flows easily. Even when Shane goes off on a tangent about this absolutely fabulous pair of suede booties he found thrifting the other day and what outfits he could wear them with for his next performance, Jamin looks so interested.

Around the time their meals arrive, the topic shifts. Shane is just taking a bite of his lamb chop when he hears Jamin sigh. He hopes he’s not boring him.

“You don’t like what you ordered? Do you want to switch?”

“No. That was a happy sigh.” He reaches over and grips Shane’s hand. “I just feel like this is going really well and I’m glad.”

“It is. There’s nothing worse than a bad first date.”

“Had a lot of them?”

“Well, no. Not particularly, but I’ve had a couple of doozies.”

Jamin lets go of Shane’s hand and swirls the red wine around in his glass before he asks, “Care to share?”

“No. I mean, yes I’ll share.” Shane giggles a little. “Maybe some joy can come out of my misery.”

Jamin sits back in his chair,  and makes a gesture with his hand for him to get on with it.

“Okay. So, there was this beautiful man that came to a few of my shows that  I enjoyed admiring from across the bar. One of those situations where I know I don’t stand a chance but, fuck! It doesn’t hurt to look, you know what I mean?”

“Nope. No clue because you are delightful.”

“And you are blinded by candlelight and a bottle of Shiraz. Anyway, so it turns out we have a friend of a friend of a mutual friend who ends up introducing us and we decide to go out. On paper he was great. He had a job, personal trainer, and he was coming to pick me up in the car he owned. Everything was setting up to be amazing. Well, he gets there and the first thing he tells me is I have to ride in the backseat because the front one is broken. It was a two door. So, me and all of my five feet of legs have to scrunch up in the backseat.”

He sees Jamin trying to not to spit out the food he just ate and he succeeds, barely.

“Yeah. We get to the restaurant and he eats off my plate. Not like asks if he can eat off of my plate or if he can have some. Just in the middle of a conversation starts eating my chicken parmesan.”

Jamin looks suitably offended on his behalf. “Is this guy for real?”

“It gets better. I was ready to bolt after that but he convinced me to go to a party at a friend’s house that was right up the block. I caved because I’m way too nice sometimes. We get there, he has two shots of Bicardi, and he is gone. The ass is slurring his words and hanging all over me. Ugh! Even people I didn’t know looked like they felt sorry for me.”

“I feel sorry for you, and this was how long ago?”

“A few years ago. Oh, but there’s more. He looks at me with this drunken, serious face and asks if we can go out on the porch to talk and cuddle. Cuddle. At that point, I was already formulating my escape so I figured outside was closer to freedom.”

Jamin laughs so loud the two tables beside of them turned to stare. “Oh my God! This is priceless.”

“So, we go outside and before we can even sit down I pretend like my phone is going off. I told him my dog was sick and got a ride out of there as quick as I could. I don’t even have a dog.”

By that point Shane can’t help it. He is laughing along with Jamin who is wiping tears from his eyes. “That takes so much pressure off of me. Holy shit! I promise not to eat your food.”

“What about you? Do you have a worst first date story? It can’t be as bad as mine.”

“I think the worst part about my dating history is that it’s probably been five years since I’ve even been on a first date.”

“Seriously? I don’t mean anything by that, other than you just seem so, I don’t know, dateable?”

Jamin waves off Shane’s worries, laughing softly. “I get what you mean and yes, at least five years. I was in a relationship with a guy for about four years. We ended up moving in together. I found out a week after arranging our furniture that he had been cheating on me for at least the last six months, and we broke up spectacularly. That was a year ago, and this is the first real date I’ve been on since.”

Shane knows he’s staring. He knows his jaw dropped but he just can’t believe it. He puts down his fork and  looks at Jamin who is trying to make himself smaller. He seems like he’s in another world, sipping his wine and looking at something past Shane’s shoulder.

“Hey” Shane says softly.

Jamin tilts his head slightly and grins crookedly at Shane. “I’m sorry for bringing down the mood.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Thank you.”

“And if it makes you feel any better. My bad first date guy texted me the next week and asked for his money back for the date since he ‘wasted his time’. I texted him ‘fuck off’ and haven’t heard from him since.”

Shane never thought he would be so glad to see someone laughing at something so mortifying.

**

Shane is like no one Jamin has ever met before. He laughs easily and often. There is a sparkle in his eyes that makes it hard to stop staring. He hopes he at least made it look like he wasn’t thinking about kissing the freckles he can see under Shane’s collar because he really didn’t want to be that guy quite yet.

They pick out a dessert to eat together and at least he can say it was shared with explicit permission.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be some scary footnote at the end of another date a few years from now.”

Shane snorted a laugh. “I promise not to stab you with my fork if you help me eat dessert.”

The two men leave the restaurant and walk without any real destination. Jamin kind of doesn’t want the night to end and he hopes Shane feels the same way. He’s trying to work up the courage to ask if he wants to do something else when Shane grabs onto his forearm to stop him.

“Okay. Here’s the deal. I’m going to get an Uber…”

“Did it go that bad?”

“What? Oh my God! No!”

Jamin laughs and shakes his head, running his hand down Shane’s arm. “I’m kidding.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, I was just going to say that I’m going to call for a ride because I don’t trust myself around you. Um, I’m really attracted to you….”

“I’m failing to see the problem.”

Shane scrunches his face up and turns to look down the street before he speaks again. “I don’t want to fuck this up and sometimes, well a lot of the time, I jump into bed with someone before I give it a chance to become something more. I don’t want to do that with you.”

Jamin relaxes a little when he realizes what the real issue is. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes. It’s more than okay. I don’t want you to ever feel uncomfortable with me and if you want to go home I’m not going to stop you.”

He sees Shane’s face break out into a smile as he pulls out his phone. It takes a few minutes for him to find a driver but Jamin doesn’t mind. He hasn’t let go of Shane’s arm yet so he’s taking advantage of the gesture.  Plus, he’s really kind of adorable to watch when he’s trying to work technology. With an air of triumph, Shane finishes and he turns the screen around for Jamin to see.

“Alright. We’ve got 10 minutes. Do you want to make out a little?”  

Jamin doesn’t even answer. He just pulls him in by the grip he still has on his arm. Their lips meet and Jamin’s heart jumps into his throat.

It’s hard for him to describe how he feels in that moment. He just knows he’s not sure how he’s ever going to not do this again. He feels Shane hum a little against his lips before he pulls back.

Shane looks pretty content but he also looks like he’s trying really hard to figure something out. Jamin reaches up and touches his cheek. “Stop thinking so hard. Just kiss me again.”

The taller man grabs him by the back of the neck, bringing them together. He opens his mouth against Jamin’s using his tongue and their kiss turns hotter. Jamin moans and moves his grip to Shane’s hip to pull him closer.

He feels Shane lick his lip ring and nip at the flesh beside of it before he starts running his tongue along the roof of Jamin’s mouth. Jamin growls a little and moves him backwards towards the brick wall a couple of steps behind them. He puts his leg between Shane’s and tears his lips away to start sucking kisses along the bottom of his jaw. Shane whines a little and runs his hands through Jamin’s hair.

“That’s not fair.” Shane sucks in a breath when Jamin nibbles at the skin right under his ear, and presses his hips forward.

Jamin groans a little at the sensation. “Now who’s not playing fair.”

Shane chuckles mischievously, and Jamin kisses him hard again grinding his hips back into Shane’s, turning the chuckle into a whimper.

He anchors himself to Shane’s mouth with his hands in his dreads and angles his head to deepen the kiss. Shane runs his hands up Jamin’s shirt, ghosting across the planes of his back and Jamin takes the opportunity to grab a handful of ass. It seems like they are that way forever, running their hands over each other’s bodies, exploring, but in reality it’s only a few minutes.

Because with his hands in a very strategic location, he can feel Shane’s phone buzz in his pocket with a notification which he knows means his car will be here in a few minutes.

Jamin tries to pull away but Shane guides him back in, kissing him softly once more and then another time before he leans down a little to put his forehead on his.  

They are both breathing heavily trying to calm down a little. Jamin feels a little bit better knowing he isn’t the only so affected by their activities.

Jamin starts a little when Shane throws his head back, cracking up. He can’t help but laugh too because that laughter is really fucking contagious.

“I’m trying not to take offense to the fact you are laughing so loudly after kissing me.”

Shane calms down a little and grabs around Jamin’s shoulders swaying a little back and forth. “No, definitely not. It’s just… I was so worried to go on a date with someone I didn’t really know because they might be some crazy, psycho killer but, honestly, I don’t think I would even care if you tried to off me at this point.”

“Oh, really? Good to know.” And it’s Jamin’s turn to cackle then. Shane breaks away batting Jamin on the shoulder.

Shane’s car pulls up at that moment and Jamin grabs the bottom of his shirt, bringing him in closer for one last kiss. When he finally gets enough, he looks back up through his lashes at the grinning, beautiful man in front of him.

“So, I’ll see you again?”

Shane giggles and shakes his head incredulously.

“Just try getting rid of me.”

[c64]

The Ultimate C64 Games List Have you ever wondered about the amazing Commodore 64 game list? Yes, we have too - there were loads of them. Problem is that is was a while ago now. This list was compiled to jog the memories:

Operation Wolf

roger frames buys budjiit games

fox fightsback

ace & ace II combo

bubble bobble

tantric mouse wars

home office

salsa con artist

commando ninjas

world flee

blood sparse

ruby of thermogington

jettison railway

ice band

spiderman vs magoo

caravan madness

hulk vs hogan

hunk attack

jet set billy

monkey tennis

score me

addis abbaba karate international +

balloon wars

cloud paste

live at budokan

boris yeltsin vodka challenge

banjo time constructor

emelyn hughes ‘super’ soccer

opium fright

shoot em up penelope

lagoon of carabon harbungo

open heart burglary

frost bandage

diamonds are for women

car spike wheel burst adventure

crazy communists

square man runs up ladder III

treasure island kittens

barrell falls down IV

spoke damage

princess kidnapped 8

undercarriage catastrophe

reminder PRO

Jazz North

Pub Golf

Avalon - Land of the Rust

SimPub

Pregnant Gymnastics

Womb Cook-up

Animal Olympics

NASA Pinball Fantasy

Jed saves christmas

Horace goes Knifing

Time Orifice

Axe-wielding Comedians

Karate Blister

Ornament Erector

Building Smoke Out

Q Bert the Revenge

Trellis Abundance

Titchmarsh v Oddie - Greenkeeper Challenge 88

Co-op Warriors

Sand Veterans

Grass feathers

Morose Wind

Scube Whackey

Escape from Liverpool

Puppy Smoker The Outburst

Roll yer Own Challenge

Hackney Masterblaster

Connect One

Purple Chins

Cotton Developer

Haircut Zest Fair

Trophy Masser

Race Kings Alive

Hazel Irvine’s Whirlwind Badminton

Jazz Rasta VI

Jensen Buttons Nipple Dash

Maze Bomber 909

Speed Chess

Curling Avenger

Rope Twisting Example

Scourge of Daxus

Roy Castle’s Record Breakers

Organ Flexology

Cliff Richard’s Ambiguous Soccer

Revenge of the Feminists

Wax cluedo

Tennis Trumpeteer II

Maximise the Point

Sheep Monopoly

Weight Gain Olympics

Travel Guise

Roger Mellie’s Ice Darts

The Legend of Les Dawson

Blanket Snitch

Tales of the Underformed

Grave Digger 6

Onion Pro 2

Moon Ship

Turbo Trousers

Turbo Walking

Welcome back to the Island of Penny Farthing

Breathing Challenge

Run for President [Ukraine Edition]

F1 Parcel

Awning Inventor

Cello Beat

Super Accelerator Fridge

Crazy Ambulance

Burst Kidney Mopup

Save China

Chemistry Ninja Teacher

Boat Painter Design

Dogs of Fury

Furry Dog*

Beyond the Forbidden Biscuit

The Handlebars of Hashani

Bird Mother

Audio Frenzy Piano Lessons

Short’s Lair

Chun King Farm Life

Jimmy White Teaches Typing

Cif Blaster

Defenders of the Fish

Sandal Behaviour

Alien Food

Thatcher goes to School

Bob Dillons Boxing Farce

Gorbachev plays Chicken

Wayne Gretsky’s Ice Wallet Charity Challenge

Armalyte III - Springburn

Popcorn Death

Vast Salt EU

Virtual Drudgery

Chain of Accordions

Runner Cities

Yellow Bist

Lost Sandals

Train Slow

Sherlock Holmes in The Year 2047

Lost and Profound: Darkness Shop

Dust Police

Borrowed Money

Internet Maze

Slipstream Cowboys

Guns of Dryness

Alpha Scabs

Crusty The Friendly Chimp

Rice Inflator (Super Pack)

Archie McPherson’s Weetabix Head

Denis Law’s Accent Challenge

Dougie Donnelly Dune of Hair

Graeme Souness Must Be Barking

Boon - The Game

Taggart Teens

Emmerdale Goes to Pitlochry

Coping with Eastenders for the under 5’s

Death in the Family Joke

Coloured Fights

Outdoor Darts

Wrist Truffle

White Water Snooker

Sea Quest Powder Seeker

Copious Spandex Run

Mr Motivators’ Taxi Challenge

Breakup

Flapjack

David Dimbleby's Amazon Adventure 12

Frost on Sunday

TV:AM The Early Years

Moira Stuart’s Music Creator

Upside Down Ice Cream Revolt

Vat of Galt Toys

Fist of Fireflies

Tunnel Browner

Stocking Ladder Bless

Lingerie Tycoon

Up & Down with Freddy Mercury

Guitar Slayer

Drum Shake Friends

Wacky Traffic Lights

Oreo Frisbee Games

Hedgehog Relax

Roofer

SimWoman

Bent Angler

Super Horses

Fishing for Tims

Ketamine Kraziness

Shout Appeal

Daz Crime Alert

Tension Ramble

Monitor Crossbones

Stookey Chase

Cardinal Hippos

Marigold Mincers IV

Shane Ritchie’s Up For Everest

War Kind

Question Slime

Bishop Sailor

Grudge Chess

Shoplifter 6

Bed trapper

Saloon Swingers 5

Yells of Tallmouth

Athletic Trombones

Wheel Smicer

Trends of Fashion-hope

Wacky Prostate

Bag A Cow

Pronunciation Fun

with Jackie bird

Landlord Dodge

Stuart Tipney’s Bread Throw Out

Date Checker

Gary Glitter’s Subliminal Message

Frozen Bibs of Babylon

Bricklaying Challenge

Wall Tidy

Reverse a Unicycle

SimCleaner

Pick Pocket Champion 1983

Glorified Yungs

Hungry Hungry Hernias

Marble vest

Ship To Shore

What’s My Rake

View My Braces

Burp: Deluxes

Romeo and Juliet Bravo

North vs South 2 : west vs East

Corner of Flatland

Spherical Eye Bless

Under the Oceans of Armpit Forest

Outrun Birmingham (Spaghetti Junction Edition)

Sweat like a bahookey

SimBarber

Developer Roundabout: Salt Lake Boredom Factor

Wig Breathe

Telecoms Tycoon

SimBeggar

Window Sparkler

Martian Crotchet

Bin Race: Baghdad to Bucks

Limpet Picker 4

Bout of Gout

Fist of Starfish Cave

Revenge of The Ponchoed Ponces

Peruvian Mountain Rally

Pyramid Scheme

Wheelchair Rollers

Disabled Relay

Plastic Bellamy

Escape From The Care Home

Quest Far There

Sigmund Freud’s Phallic Challenge

Location Location Location

Tombola

Pharmaceutical Births

Fun Run

Telethon

The Shat Cat Strikes Back

Poo Displease

Oxymoron - School Clown Dress

Nuns on The Run

Rub a Dug

SimWork

Girl Demander

Tiny Fire Use

Spell Cracker

VirtuaBus

Horse and Cabbage

Hippyhunt

Bug Wrestler

Elmer Fudd’s Bugle Fun

Sesame Street for Mute

Vaccine Madness

Sing-a-long-outhouse

Virgin Wedding

Carry Me Right

Existential Spam

Professor Caressor

Blind Spot

Dowary 4

Backwards Todel

SimFolkSinger

Austrian Summer Fun

Think Game

SimShirt

Mum’s Gone To Iceland

SimShoes

Dad Ravage

VirtuaBurp

Record Deal Blunderer

Vinyl Earth

Pork Love

Candid Carrots

Testament of God

Jasper Carrot’s Comedy Puke

Slug Slugger

fISHMONGER 8

Javelin Jackson

Action Babes 7

Deniable Door Whizz

What’s My Remainder

Shave Me Doris

Ferrari Shaving Adventure

SuperToboggan

Fire Ski

Trowel Turmoil

Soap Detector

SimPigeon

Permit Chief

VirtuaCurtain

Wander Beyonder - Galaxy of Hands

Foot Small

Failed Janine Nurse Player

Bonnie Langford’s Dive of DEath

Cheesy Cheeks 9

Teryaki Throw Throw

Organised Library

Chrome Crunch

Defeat The Dragon XII

Sleeve Beast

Snorkel of Skeleton Mask

Bilge Crusader

Derivative Nonsense

Chip Shop Challenge

Fallopian Tube Gatherer

Short Sharp Shock

Public Pool 2

The Remorse of King Tooth Prize

Mobile Shop Catch

Dentist Revival

Pizzaboy

Return of the Shoulder

Attack of the Maharajah

Farm Variety

Ring Sting VI

Pokey Barracus O

Pyromania [Schools Edition]

Canteen Calamity

Scratch My Scurvy

A Team of Guys

Commercial Insertion

Alien Bold

Walk to Run

Talk Show Live

Wacaday

Tickle Me Hazel

Get to Doctor Green Helmet Arrival

Kirsty Gallacher’s Pony Tail

Bube Tube

Stu’s News

Finger By Jove

SPinach Wars

TrolleyDash IV

Coco Bianco

Can Lift Channel 4: The Game

Spider and Kite

Really Big, Really Small Advent of Tetrapak

Drainblock: Plumber Hero Chronicles

Clammy Elbow

Rinse, Spin and Wash-o-matic

Virtual Carving

Aqua Fridge 4

Milk Charge: None Today Edition

Dose of Lactose

Fruit for Fuel

SEGA Gums

World Cup Baking

Trauma Recentness

Void of Linda

Calculate My Room

Slow Slow Slow, Now Fast

Myrtle’s Spongy Threat

Round the Town: Hull

KLIX Vending Machine Panic

Suitable Suit

Trinidad vs Tobago

Coma Dream Alert

Lose Your Tail

Sudden Trump

Castle of Rugs

Dreadful Quincy

Murder You Write

Salt n Pepa: My First Lyrics

Ferry to the Island of Bins

Up to Maximum

Thanks Goth: Black It Out Decision for Survival

Thorax and King: Temple of 10 Thumbs

Shave or Swim

Spar - Double Time Price Wars

Wooden Office

Windbush: the Quest for Haribo

Thing Commander

Gusset Sweeper II

Military Cocktails: An Interactive Guide

Spillers Winalot

Gus Hiddink: Ladies-Man

Spinal Injury 4

Dungrudder

Dungrudder II

Alan Titchmarsh’s International Samba Karaoke

Gluehead 2 - Back to the Bag

Dogwrestler

Virtual Biscuit Pro Edition

Future Boots

Horace gets an enema

Goth v Ned - The Reckoning

Roy Hudd’s hut folding 3

fondant wheelbarrow challenge

squat thrusting in high denmark with Mr. T

git that skateboard oot ma bed

2 fast and furious - the angry diet

skeptics ranch 4

whippet trigger

cod’s extreme bass fishing

Meatloaf’s leotard attack

smashing gantry with len ganley

cornish nuisance III

janitor pleaser

janitor pleaser II

janitor pleaser III

interactive janitor pleaser 3D

sing-a-long-a-jim-diamond

belgian ring stretch 4

heather mills dance off

sulk or bulk

extreme rabbit riding 9

tony roper’s pope trophy

ship shape and bristol fashion (twin pack)

dan hipgrave’s hip grave

catarrh hero 2

Joseph Holt’s cow safari

barking cats 3

Debbie Gebbie

Rally through Tesco

Piano Catcher

Harold Bishop’s Hutch Touching Compendium

Cardboard Harbour

Guess What’s in the Baxterbox

Extreme Welsh Dentistry

10 Disciples Tickly Bits [denmark edition]

Zebra Dancing 2

Tractor Painting 3

Cindy Crawford’s Virtual Cooperage Pro

Anderson Shelter Designer International

Ambulance Neglecting

Pigeon Surprise!

Chilly B’s Cartography Masterclass

Paralympic Legends 1985

Angry Sue’s Penthouse Disaster

SimFlorist

Amazing Mace

Grimsby Love-In

Trilby Mechanic

Karl Lewis’s 6 Meter Dash Pro

Smoker 8

Collateral Ramage

Horse Drawn Prawn

Firebomb Kirkcudbright

Space Huff

Star Wars: Jedi High Street

Ooft Ooft 2

Flyhunter

Nadeem the Hamster

Bucky Bash II

Schnitzel Wars

Derrick Organ’s Calamity Chinfest

Malky Malky II: The Chib

Venison Crayola

Peter Shilton’s Saucey Canary

French Letter of the Law

Penguin Squeezing

Sodastream Challenge

Arthur C Clarke’s Mysteries of Dunfermline

Skin Complaint 2

Felicity Kendal’s Migratory Kennel

Thigh Trouble III

VirtuaWendy

Pebbledash Apprentice

Thrush Reduction School

Alan Randy Tanner Shows You How

Sim 9 O’clock News

Adult Colostomy

Ray Mears’ Survival Chimney

Brunch Arranger

Pro Pencil Throw

The Continuing Adventures of Nice ‘n’ Soapy

Lunchy Munchy

SimKettle

VirtuaCarpet

Snack bar etiquette

arm harm 4

saucy haulage 9

swimming with trousers on

Thora The Exploder

High Jinks on Highway

Wrist Exposure

Looking After God’s Neck 6

Frog Polishing

Harrison Ford Harrassment

Shampooing Buffalo with Betty Murchie

Unravelling Scobie’s Quotient

Alistair’s Wheels

High Speed Loaf Assembly - Knead For Speed 2

Detolionia - A World of Disinfectant

Coal Punishment

Table with Bilston Glen

Who Is Douglas Bader?

Sharpen Your Trowel with Baden Powell

Bambi Leg Stabilisation

Pimp My Sideboard

Crematorium Capers

The Burning Coupon

Fireplace Customiser featuring Annette Benning

Force 8 Golfing Atrocity Pro-Am

Trout Swiping (Mexican Edition)

Village Idiot Racing 2

Fridge Racer 4

Parrot Force 7

Amish Disease Aversion

Pro-Am Celebrity Road Kill 3

Major James Hewitt’s Blew It Game

Advanced German For Industrial Foundries with Keith Chegwin

I’m A Celebrity, Shave My Arms 8

Mortar Mixing With Fiona Bruce

Self Harm with Hartley’s Jam Jam, Arm, Harm, Barn (Farm Edition)

Deadly Riddles with Bo Diddley, Nicolas Ridley, Ken Dodd, Dodi al Fayed and the Cast of Grease

Not Poodles but Pot Noodles 2

Shed Holder vs. Vijay Singh Sing-a-long a Hitler Hillman Hunter 2

Hearing Aid

Beige Chevette 5

Ian Botham’s County Balls

PramFace: The Revenge

Nebulous Nockers

Hot Knifin’

Anton Rogan’s Potato Scone

Monotonous Madness

Sally Magnuson’s Nicotine Buzz

Doncaster Moose Pulling

Beer Goggle Challenge- Ultimate Edition

Pebble Mill - The Platform Game

Davro Goes West

Jelly Fish Juggling with Jilly Cooper

Ballroom Thighs - A Game For All The Family

Dog Plop Monopoly

Frank Tibbs’ Unanimous Cave  

Tripping Over Thimbles 4

Pebble Mill Pebble Dash

Humourous Toilet Noises 3

Carry On Corduroy 5

Drain Savage 2

Radio 4 Hoar Sampler

Binman Challenge

Boris Becker’s Jazz Complaint

Callcentre Supervisor Pro

Timpsons Manager 1986

Volcano Cheese

The Lemon Vampires of Dudley

Pablo Balloon’s Hernia Diagnosis

Virtua Social Carer

Eric Gluttony

Trouser Press Sabbatical

Alarm! Run! Knit!

Whitly Bay Mesh Collector

Martini Hinge Challenge

Vole Puncher 3

Tropical Slavery 3

Slattery Battery Chat

The Ambivolent Miner’s Chin Problem

Dog Warmer 9

Piano Stroker 2

Brian Hater

Brian Massacre

The Eyes of Salamine

Wingnut

Ruthless Removal of Wind

Egg Rugby 5

International Spine Swapping

Grand Prix - Live from Borehamwood

Farmed Nicaraguan Debris - Collector’s Edition

Spongy Marmite

Fun N Games in Chernobyl with Cheryl Baker

Fun N Games in Chernobyl II without Cheryl Baker

Semi-Pro Badger Excuses 5

Face Biter III

Eric Clapton’s Dead Shoes

Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot Ike

Kate Stits

Dawn French’s Fantasy Football

Giant Priority

Extendable Alien Hairdriers

A Masterclass with Ruud Hullit

Greggs Tycoon

Nail Filing with Stefan Edberg

SimLibrarian

Aardvark Juggling

Any Swedgers?

Civil Engineering Attack Force

Bible Edit III

Cactus Comparing with Terry Waite

Gunther’s Tasty Leather

Health Challenge

Catastrophe Pants

Superhero Draughts

SimJanitor 8: Smooth Moperator

Breath Club

Biting and Chewing

The Goose 3

Armadale

Sangsters 2

Extreme Chinese

Ned Poultry Farmer

Diabolical Gran Odour 6

Camp Action Man

Topless Skateboard Nun 2

Solving Simultaneous Equations Under Water (Bridlington Edition)

Hake Take with Less Than Jake (Celebrity Edition)

The Paul Anka Diaries

Makeover : Wallpapering Your Face 5

Blackhead Removal with Scaffolding Poles 8

High School Musical Shoot Out

Bad Air Hockey (Rotten Egg Edition)

Failed Airport Terrorism Attempt 2

International Banana Terrorist 3

Conventional Bra Wearing

Terrapin 2

split pea glee

gaseous monkey

Cheddarfest revival

moonfaced lung toucher 4

attack of the angry jam ballast

relentless margarine 3

buttergutter

clutter game

wasp wing clasp assembly

futurismysticalismism presented by Kenny Leveritt

pork chop aftermath

strict rector workings 5

detected vim spillage 2

simCOLOSTOMY

Gale Force

Pike Gardening

Ribble Valley Larvae Attraction

Marmite Spite

Sarah Brightman’s Secret Pro-Am Celebrity Tench Cremation

High Speed Paralympic Disasters 5

Savoury Tights 4

Advanced Scone Vandalism with Ruth Maddock

Workplace Victimisation Art 2

Egg Poaching with Prince Charles

Varnishing with Confidence Iggy Pop versus Eggy Pope (Slovenian Edition)

Sloth Pinching with Ewan McGregor

Shoot Deirdre Off Coronation Street As Many Times As You Like

Polished Ginger Bison Falling Over 3

Lego Smashing

Snorting-A-Surgically-Removed-Spaghetti Line Back Through Your Nose Championships with Keith Floyd

Slippery Cats Finger Sizery

Vernacular Spectacular - Regional Heats - Norway Vs Newcastle

Register Maniacs 4

Disabled Horse Fury 5

Turtle Hurlers

Des Lynam’s Mum

Horse v Dolphin: Requiem

rentokil bill 2

rat boy 9

cardboard harbour 9

vote for a wine side dish

Ministry of Justice: Writing the Constitution Sim Local Councilor

Puggy Paradise

Pan-London Kid Chase

Pirates on the Pond

Junior Project Manager III

Decide to Read Again

Nokia vs Motorola: Find the Phone Charger

Feed the Kids Coal (Bono Demo)

Tom Clancy’s Splintered Bell

Jellied babies

Shave the Llama

Jew Harp Hero (Harp not included)

Mum Trashers 4

SimSTD

ActuaMince

Square Peg Round Hole Challenge

Blockman vs DragonThing

Menopausal Madness

Ringbinder II

Equine Manouevers

The Mysteries of Michael Elphick’s Port in a Storm

Haberdasherie Heat

LGV STD

Half a Cider And You’re Laughing

Humourless Hags Return to Castle Frottage

Hungry Hungarian Housewives

Fake Tan Dylan

Super Who Did That Thunder in Tannadice

Swollen River Wheelchair Uh-Oh

Ruby Murray’s Curry from Anything

How Clean is your Mouth

Cilit Bangers

Why’s Dad in the Furnace: HD

R Kelly’s Gotham City

Gerard Kelly’s Diet City

Kendal Misery

Buff Women Crush

Supermarket Nuts

Dry Off - You’re Wet Too!

Xenophobic Elderly Home

Easy Rider: Trikes and Quads

Rise Up and Get Back To Bedford

Alan Sugar’s Finger Fiasco

Private Investigator: Carbon Footprints

Snakes on a Phone

Phone a Snake

Snakephone

Phoney Snake

Children In Need: One Can Survive

The Canterbury Compendium Featuring: Sinister Minister

The Godies ft. Hymn Brooke Taylor

Virtual Nun

Cheeses Of Nazareth

Nun Surfing: Birds of Pray

Dogs drink wine

nacho panic

ostrich borstal

bombscare in sacred cities of spain

spiral binding awards

biro spinning awards

spiro binning awards

Thora Hird’s Extreme Stairlift

Gammy Dodger 2

Hell Monger 5

Tag Nutter 8

simClaw

Mayonnaise Babies 2

Kissing With Incontinence

Dances With Wolverines

Come Dancing 3D

Dumb Dating 4D

Interactive Pylon Climbing

Fundamental Dish Cloth Equations

Haulage Wars 1 - Norbert Dentressangle vs. Eddie Stobbart

Haulage Wars 2 - David Heeps vs. C. Hinds Potato Merchants

White Van Driver Fashion Show

Greasy Dinosaurs Almanac

Terrible Tearing Sounds

Baste The Family

B&Q BBQ Standoff

May’s Rotary Chuckling

Spontaneous Fury

Induced Tap Dancing with Andy May

Your Lip’s Burst 2

Attack of the 40 foot Gingerbread Postman

The Dalgleish Index Escalator

Arthur Askey’s Crop Spraying

Alsatian Alien

Cow Painter 5

Impossible Cornering Technique with Ayrton Senna

Ann Frank 3D

Chop: Stand: Force: Interactive Cumnock Gala Day with Obie Trice

Dougie Donnelly’s Battenberg Cake Jumper Confusion Game

Mince Rinsing with Peter Alice

Wife Swab 3

Knife Swap 4

Gnome Drool Collecting for Beginners

Anger Manager IV

Uncle Tony’s Special Cupboard

Spilt Milk

Virtual RAC Guy Challenge

Michael Ballack’s Ludo Madness

Archie McPherson’s Apron of Chance

Gulls of Fury

Monty Don’s Embroidery Masterclass

Spammy the Dog

Rumbelows

Windows C64 edition

Mr. Minit’s Key Cutting Japes

Saved By The Bell End 3

Asp The Family - Snakecharmer Edition

Snoop Doggy Dog’s Dance Studio Workout

Taming The Shrew with Lena Zavaroni

VirtuaConkers

Sectarian Dolphin 4

Fly Phishing by J.R. “Hacker” Hartley

The Goth Temple of Gloom

The Hannible Lectures

simBiscuit (bourbon special)

Evostick Party

Bri-Nylon Guy 3

Skinflat Survival

Eaglesham Startrek

Bees In The Loft

Sandra Sandra

Justin and Colin’s Guide To Deep Sea Pipe Welding

Wayne Rooney Loony Toon Room for Kids

Pheasant Milkfloat Run

Late Ex in Latex 6

Dick Advocaat’s guide to coctkail mixing

To The Manor Braun

Tandoori Roti 3

Murder She Roti

Silence of The Prams

Emlyn Hugh’s Omelette Challenge

Josh Wink’s Tiddleywinks

Elvanfoot Butterfly Massacre

Carstairs

Monster Metros

Fuzzy-Felt Masterclass with Yuri Gagarin

Predator Paint

Eel Chair Regatta

Big Pants Comedy Skydiving

Bang! Bang! Bang! Oops…

Swindlin’ Yokels with Roman Abramovich

Outrun Bolton

Tony Blair’s Prole Crusher

Heather The Weather’s Fishnet Frenzy

Nick Drake’s Morose Warblings

Ape Attack!: Wishaw

Patrick Moore’s Tedium Personified

Chicken Gun

Barry Robson’s Beguiling Napper

C5 Grand Prix

Roll Me A Fat One and Get They Dishes Done

Brahim Hemdani’s Unremarkable Competence

Virtual Soup of the Day

The Rancid Horns of Leith

Super-Monday-Banana-Death

Ask Me A Graham

Undercarriage Return

Steve Ovette’s Erratic Frog

Tennis Stuart

Bomb Acrobat

SimAlcoholic

Girth Alarm 3

Alan Hanson’s Amatuer Granny Revival

Pickpocket Pro

Chinchilla Wrestling

Crouching Greyhound Hidden Danger

Poodle Judo with Judith Chalmers

Hedge Availability

Overwhelmed Whelk Farmer 2

Cupboard of Lentils 7

Sloth Borstal 2

Pro-Am Prawn Wrestling

Custard, Mustard and Other Rhyming Condiments

Cat Litter Lego

Jimmy Nail’s Book Corner

Navigating Cumbernauld Whilst Aggrevated

Hanah Barbera’s Meat Collective

Tensile Strengthometer

Betty Boothroyd’s Hooverathon

AfroClam

Attack of The Four Lipped Maneater

The Wizard’s Sleeve

J-Lo’s Bum Shelf Warm

Salad Dressing with Trinny and the Bigger One

Keith Floyd’s Damp Side of the Moon

Soviet TicTacs: Taste of War

World Cup Eczema

Mum vs Dad: Grab a Plate

Upside of Death VI

Ulti-Mugger: Wallet and Watch, Ta

Soft and Gentle 3: Roll On

MC Hammer’s World of Pantaloons

Restore Pet Cemetary

Audible Charm: Legend of the Gentle Trump

That’s Not My FInger!

Zoo of ham-fed Gibbons

Wake Up! You’re Not Dead Yet

Wake Up! I’m Limbless and There’s a Fire

Drifting Away: Grandad’s Final Slumber Party

Pyjamas.. At School?

Neil Buchanan’s Antler Attack

Cash In the Attic, Now In My Attic

Get Pregnant 5 - Civilised Scamming

Soda Stream: Hunt for the Gas Canister

Soda Stream II: But It Says Cola Flavoured!?

Invest in Me, I’m a Maniac

London Tube Track Scraper

Armitage Shanks

Virtual Log

Death Row Buckaroo

Labour Backbench Cage Fighting

Floaty The Finless Waterbeast

Vauxhall Advert Creator

Dragged 150 Yards: Bradford Joyride

Old Spice: She’s Yours

Unicycling for Pensioners

Unmentionable Chalky Taste 6

Island Pancake Mixing with Seb Blatter

Filthy Ventriloquist Stories

Eddie Vedder’s World Of Shreddies

Camp Ramp

Tobogganing with Wogan

Annie Mack’s Caramac Slacks

Irene Maiden 10

Sausage Jockey 3

Cured Ham and Other Medical Miracles

Mud Wrestling with Thora Hird

Sim Haulage

Sim Heelage

Sim Cabbage

Sim Charles Babbage

Sim Gym

Liquor & Poker - Rude Casino Edition

Pass The Dutchy of Cornwall From The Left Hand Side

High Heel Teeterage 3

Esther Rantzen’s Root Vegetable and Tuber Hilarity Fest

Nun Paintball 4

Arm Wrestling Dentist 9

Julie Andrew’s Liver Salts 3

Sanitary Owl Radio 4

Bus in a Leotard

World’s Strongest Nan

Hector Sylvester’s Turquoise Noise

Ambulance Chaser 2

Foam Party at The Foam Centre

Press and Mend

Touch the Hutch

Mastic Badger

Surname Challenge ft. Yvonne Goolagong vs. Peter Oosterhouse

Mast Blast Bomb Scare 3

Going Through At The Back 3

Pinball Lizard 5

Dancing With Oxygen

The Dimbleby Conundrum

Virtua Council Gritter

Rampant Carpark

Icarus Manifold’s Welsh Poster Collection

Religious Gardening with Moses and his Hoses

Air Rifle Chooser with Bishop Desmond’s .22

Ballet Dancing with Bishop Desmond’s TuTu

Slurry Avoidance ft. Alvin Stardust

Celebrity Quinine

Abatoir Jubilee Beef

Geek Orthodox

Fudge Assembly

Relax, Prance, Peel

Paul Ince’s “What’s in the Fridge?”

Super Kennel Admin

Attack, Sleep, Trapeze!

Verify My Post

Saral Ping’s Finch Adjuster

Intermediate Curve Basting

Combustable Constable 5

Fancy Cheese 3

Hazel Butters 2

Lloyd Cole’s Motion Commotion

Vermin Descriptor 2

Tray Balance in Ballantray

Fluid Choppery with Glen Blantyre

Predatory Tory Trap

Inflatable Vatican

Marzipan Tarzan

That’s Barry, Eh?

Marmite Termite

Octogenerian Hair Piece 5

Caustic Frog 3

Fridge Racer

Flouride Jockey

Algae Mechanic

The Baghdad Irritation

Crazy Meerkat Forklift Racing

Zak Marvel’s Gaseous Print Revival

Easter Toolbox

Winkle Picker II

Virtua Morrisons

Face Camp

Holy Moly - the unluckiest Mole in the Field

Kays - Catalogue of Errors

Wunder-Hat

Look Out! Too Late.

Pleasant Pheasant

Mike Tyson’s Rapid Wrestling

Reservoir Logs

An Audience With Kirk Broadfoot

Salami Origami

Who’s in the Pot?

Deep-Sea Monopoly

Frank Lampard’s Mousetrap Masterclass

Aztec Leg

Kitchen Thespian

Scaffolding Terror

Somalian Pirates

Take Guernsey

Treacle or Turnip?

Olympic Jail

Sweat on Me and I’ll Vomit

Dubious Quality Controller 5

Quiff Aligner

Re-pot That Geranium, You Fool

Soft Furnishing Spectacular

Dad! You’re My Brother!

Peter Kincaid. Now you Try

12lbs of Something

Vosene - The Forgotten Chemical

Viv Lumsden’s Pit of Terror

Halfords: Den Of Incompetence

Rubber Stamp Misery

The Beechgrove Garden Presents: High Tedium

Monks On A Bus

Gordon The Gopher’s Amsterdam Exploits

Imaginary Futures: President Trump

Tetrapak! 

DIY Watercolor: Pylons of Tyneside

Paradise Lumbago

Post Office Manager: Bungled or Burgled

Crass Bandicoot 

Chequered Flag F1 Racist Challenge

Err, That’s Not Shampoo

BANG! Search For The Dirt, Limescale & Rust

These are all available to buy on Ebay, apart from 619 which they actually forgot to produce.