#with so many subjects I am writing abt rn

[dkettchen]

everyone please repeat after me: 👏 gnc-ity is in and of itself queerness, it by itself qualifies you as part of the community, being queer is about not conforming to the oppressive system that is gender roles in any capacity and literally nothing more or less specific than that 👏

also more importantly: I propose that instead of coming out, queer celebrities should simply *reveal* that their cisheterosexuality was actually just a marketing ploy by their corporate overlords to try and stoke controversy and make money off of them pretending to be cishet, I think this will solve many problems and be very entertaining to me personally

[supermarketcrush]

alright i finally finished a little life

[wttcsms]

i love your writing every time i read a post i know it’s going to permanently engrave itself into my brain 😌 i’m studying accounting rn (rip) and i’m nosy but did you go the route of cpa/big 4 or did something different? i’m kinda nervous if i don’t go into public accounting but it sounds horrific and wanted to know other people’s experience 😭 sorry if that’s too personal

i did something different haha. i recently graduated with my master’s in accounting and im now going to begin studying for the cpa exam and take my first section (FAR) at the beginning of 2025. im in a very specialized/niche field of auditing, not necessarily by choice LOL. i actually received a fellowship with the entity i am working with now and so they paid for my entire grad school tuition (including books and other fees) and in return, i work for them for the next two years. truthfully, i don’t think big 4 is worth it. back when i was in undergrad, i didn’t go the usual public accounting route bc that simply did not seem like the vibe. i actually went and got a junior year internship w jp morgan (private banking division) & what i learned is that accounting is so versatile. you are eligible for so many jobs within the finance field, accounting is a very technical subject and it comes in handy bc lots of finance jobs (corporate, at least) have to spend time understanding financial statements.

before i graduated with my bachelor’s, i also received two job offers that weren’t public accounting. both were financial analyst roles, one was with a&f (so working corporate for a fashion brand) and the other was with lockheed martin (weapons manufacturing) so two completely industries yet they both wanted me, which goes to show how far you can go with an accounting degree and i will say that they paid very well in comparison to what the starting salary of big 4 is.

this isn’t me shitting on big 4 but i think there’s so much emphasis in universities that this is the optimal route and it really isn’t. you can think abt any major company or brand and i promise you, they need people to work as an internal auditor or as a financial analyst or someone who works within accounting/finance. several of those positions, esp for entry-level/new graduates, won’t even require a cpa or cpa eligibility.

all that to say, i actually want to go an even more insane route and pursue academia, so im really focused on phd applications starting next year :)

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

hiiii mackerellll my brains also bad soup rn soup brain solidarity BUT nhw.... winters family torment nexus..... i did have a question for u actually. currently wading around in the tranches (early game nhw) n i wanna write them doing silly like teen traumatized child soldier shit like playing truth or dare or shit like that... what do u think their two truths & a lie would b? also like. do u have any thoughts on their civilian life. when they are Not on the job or fighting extinction level threats or having panic attacks at school. u know. that 10% <333

ALSO. NHW WAVELENGTH..... do u have any thoughts on him. my only secret backstory caveat is that he has to have the fucking worst shit nightmare rube goldberg machine luck of all time. third & final question im just curious was danny phantom vivisection real & canon or just like a Thing??????

ok im going to start with the danny phantom question bc im dyinggg to talk about this. pun intended. also this is my equivalent of rent-lowering gunshots. if u cannot deal with my dp posting u do not deserve my pd posting etc etc etc !!!

THE ANSWER IS. BOTH YES AND NO. it never Actually Happens but it is talked about!!!!!!! the whole thing is like. dannys parents are ghost hunters and dont know about his powers so theres a lot of him like. overhearing talking about them dissecting ghosts and experimenting on ghosts and such. not knowing that he is one!!! prime territory for somes angsty ass fics. however i am of the small minority that doesnt actually think the fentons are monsters apparently. they dont know!! how could they know!!!!! theyre scientists!!! do you know how much scientists casually talk about dissecting things!! its a lot!!! also theres been a few different instances of them finding out about dannys powers (almost always retconned by time/memory shenanigans but its fine) and EVERY TIME THEYRE SO SUPPORTIVE OF HIM. AND THEY TELL HIM THEY LOVE HIM REGARDLESS. AND IN ONE CASE THEY EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING THOSE THINGS AROUND HIM BC THEY DIDNT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. anyway. i digress bc i love the fentons. anyway! there are so many. SO MANY fucking fanfictions out there of danny getting dissected/vivisected. so many in fact that its one of the things the fandom is best known for by outsiders. enough that there was literally a FANDOM-WIDE DEBATE about whether to call it dissection or vivisection because dannys status as alive/dead is so unclear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao!!!!!!!!! worlds most fucked up fanbase i love it here

putting the nhw stuff under a cut. subjecting my followers to my dp ramble bc fuck you!!!!!! read about my ghost boy first

OK I AM SOOOO FUCKING BAD AT TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE. IM SO BAD AT IT I CAN NEVER THINK OF ANYTHING. so instead i am just going to think of fun facts about them. so actually im gonna kill two birds wiht one stone here and answer both of ur questions abt them. here we go !!!

i think it would be REALLY funny if william is the only one with a drivers license bc he grew up in Not The City (just because he has a license doesnt mean hes GOOD). dakota is lactose intolerant but chooses to be in stubborn denial about it (he canonically doesnt like ice cream!). virion, despite being compared to a cat so often, is allergic to cats. speaking of animals, william likes animals but animals DO NOT like him!! on the other hand animals absolutely love dakota he is friends with every stray dog and cat in the whole city. virion was homeschooled by his parents/the greats. virion also doesnt know much about anything in regards to pop culture/general everyday civilian life? because he was never completely removed from the cape world at any time growing up. no non-cape adults in his life. so he and william still have their movie nights where william introduces him to shitty b-movies hehehe. dakota tries to get him into more Normal movies like. disney or ghibli or whatever but virion likes the shitty ones more. ASSIGNING THEM FAVORITE GHIBLI MOVIES WHILE IM AT IT. this is not which ones i think theyre the most like, just the ones i think are their favorties. dakota likes ponyo, william likes howls moving castle, virion likes princess mononoke, ashe likes spirited away . dont ask me why. UHHH FAVORITE PLACES TO HANG OUT OUTSIDE OF THE BASE/HOUSE. dodgeboy memorial library. lightspeed hangs out there and they like her <3. antonios pizza. he lets them loiter bc they always tip really well. william likes going to the park because he has chronic Grew Up In The Woods disease and needs outdoor time or else he'll go crazy. hes not used to city life. dakota likes the park bc there are lots of little animals there and he can Run Around, virion doesnt like the park as much bc its a lot of Vulnerable Open Spaces and those make him nervous. speaking of which in my head ive grown so attached to the idea of him being so hypervigilant at all times. look at him ive given him anxiety!!! just like. the insane betrayal losing every important figure in his life immediately leading into a life basically on the streets alone picking fights with other capes led to . idk man i keep thinking about it like sleeping in shifts but its impossible to do that with only one person!!!!!!!! do u know what i mean!!!! basically translating the "growing up on fauna where everything wants to kill you" energy into this setting. HMMMMMM. I THINK THATS IT. THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF RN . SORRY FOR THE BLOCK OF TEXT

ohhhhhhh god. oh god oh fuck. i literally Have Not Thought about nhw mark yet like AT ALL only bc i know if i do ill get so sick about it. worlds most suffering man ever he is losing everything!!!!!! ok bc im thinking about lizard stuff tonight im going to answer your question with a question. we;ve kind of sort of talked about the existence of harttawa in relation to overlord and cauldron does he still get fucked up lizard mutations!!!!!! ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS POWERSET. i have a lot of feelings abt him being at least partially a tinker. i think before u also called him a striker (maybe? am i remembering that right) i dont think i know strikers yet what does that one mean. WHAT WAS HIS TRIGGER EVENT. OR IS HE A CAULDRON CAPE. SHAKING YOU. I KNOW I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS BUT. I NEED 2 GET TO THE WORM SECTION WHERE I GET TO LEARN ABOUT NHW ASHE SO BAD. actually i didnt get to read any worm this weekend so im gonna stay up a Little later just to get past this section where theyrre fighting the dragon suits. ouagh EXCITED.

[gallifreyanhotfive]

I am so, so insane about your watching the show fic. I have reread it like 4 times by now lol (I am such a sucker for doctor/master and their incredibly toxic dynamic <3). I'm assuming at some point we'll see The Parting of the Ways bc I think Jack is a pretty big source of guilt for this doctor, but would we see The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances? and if you haven't thought abt it, would you consider it? I'm very biased about Jack lol (and the 9th doctor in general), so I'm rly curious abt it!

also, idk how you've managed to write so much in such a short amount of time it is incredibly impressive and I wish I had your powers of. write

Hi hi hi!!!! Thank you so much!!! (Feeling very blessed with interaction rn. Much serotonin. :))

I am also rather biased towards Jack. :) My favorite Doctor changes on almost a daily basis (depending on who I watched/listened to last usually), but Nine is also quite amazing.

I definitely plan on doing all three titles you listed above at some point. The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances is basically my favorite Nine story. :)

I'm not sure when I'll get there quite yet though. I tend to plan out several chapters in advance, but even those are subject to change until the moment I start writing them lollll

But the way things are going so far is that after The Giggle we are having an interlude, going away from the new series for a chapter, back to the new series for two chapters, and then going to the audios for a little bit. I kind of have an absolutely crazy plan going on in the back of my head right now (like dear God y'all have no idea the horrors I'm planning on pulling out of my sleeve).

But after I subject them to the next round of horrors, I was thinking of using The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances in particular as a 'cool down,' just as they will be having a cool down period after The Giggle. And I always love a quick reference to the Doctor’s early life of course, which that story has.

Anyway, I'm not going to reveal too many cards yet because I'm cackling to myself about my evil plan rn, but this is sort of the plan as of rn (but as I said, until it is being written, the order is subject to change)

An interlude (and the possible addition of some of my favorite companions I desperately regret deleting from my first draft - seriously I have been kicking myself for months - which would involve quickly catching them up)

A regeneration story (funny as hell considering they're expecting a calm adventure, but the Doctor doesn't even think this one is that bad in comparison...)

Oh My God What Happened to Him (another regeneration story, but this one is Painful)

Poor Clara had to deal with THREE of you?

There's three of you again here too. Who's Vansell? Oh no you got shot. Now your leg is broken. God damn it now you're screaming your head off.

Did Shakespeare just roofie you with ginger?!?!?!?!

You might want to get off that airship. It's going to crash. Did you just save someone who was supposed to die? Oh fuck now you're emotionally invested in her. Oh no now she's your best friend.

Plastic Daffodils and a Doomsday Weapon - Sounds Like a Date To Me

And then the next round of Horrors commence, after which will likely be The Empty Child because yes.

And so on and so forth...

[kae-karo]

is it bad I want to see your other ideas anyway-- adsagkljdslkgj. HOW MANY WIPS DO YOU HAVE actually scratch that I cant say shit because I have a kise wip in progress rn oops-- cant wait for your rnis work to drop <3<3<3

ahahhahaha no no ur so valid!!! for context (x) i'll do uhhh a quick synopsis below the cut for anyone who's interested in what i didn't mention over on twt !!! and i'll talk abt wips too LMAO i love a good excuse to talk abt what i'm working on. and omg dw u are so valid !!!!! and i take no offense i am always in wip hell (affectionate) (i like having things to jump around between so i never get too frustrated if i get stuck somewhere)

if any of yall see anything below that ur super into, let me know!! always cool to know what people are hyped about, may influence what i work on next lmao

first, wips!!

as mentioned i have a rnis fic which is VERY very loosely based on the concept from this post (x) ft background ryusae lsjdffsd cause i apparently can't write a fic without them

also if ur a fan of the mall au (x) i'm currently posting, u will be thrilled to know that i am neck-deep in part 2 which will feature sendou (some ryusaesen but endgame aikusenbarou), charles (one-sided pining for shidou + endgame niko/charles), isagi (kaisagi and some bachisagi), and karasu (tabieita fake dating flavor) !!!!

ryusae praise kink gone wrong !!!!! i love the way shidou is so complimentary of others and i Bet he has a praise kink himself and i just think that sae'd pick up on that and (completely on accident) say smth that rly hits on something shidou's actually sensitive about (like, smth he's self-conscious about that sae compliments) and it turns the whole 'about to hook up' vibe into smth rly soft and tender

ouuuuu ryusae Again but this time, sae got machine-ified at a young age to basically be used as an enhanced human processor for a research facility (where he's basically always hooked up to wires and whatnot, processing research data etc) and shidou's the new maintenance person assigned to take care of him :)

i think i mentioned in passing that i had some other ideas for spinoffs of the kaisagi counterspell fic (x) but i have actually started working on the initial ryusae spinoff which is a getting-back-together vibe where shidou broke it off bc sae couldn't accept the idea that shidou might like him just...for him, so he used shidou as a test subject for various spells he was developing in an effort to push him away

ryusae Again i swear i think abt charas that aren't sd and se lmaoooo this one's fully just pwp and my ovipos kink + shidou with tentacles :)

ough a longfic idea that i wrote a little bit of the start of that's ryurin but i think i need to rethink the actual dynamics of their relationship bc i might prefer platonic ryurin (like,,,,relationship but not romantic) but high school au with rin who's crushing on kaiser (bear with me) bc he thinks kaiser's so Cool and Punk only for kaiser to start changing his behavior bc he's crushing on sae who is very Uncool and Preppy (in rin's eyes) only to find out that sae's annoying friend shidou is actually very cool and punk and likes the same music etc etc chaos ensues

ryukai i just think they should be messy together and the line "are you seriously hard right now" felt hilariously perfect to make kaiser say to shidou. while they're watching rnis fight on field. i think this one includes some repressed kaisagi emotions on kaiser's part tho so i have to think abt how deep or not deep i wanted to go with those

kise spinoff of spellbound (x) the ryukuro fic !!!! that goes into detail on when sae first showed up at the castle and how he ended up staying

and then tbh i have a number of other wips that i refuse to say ive abandoned but also i have not touched in a While (zhongli x kaeya/childe/diluc/aether, bakutodo boarding school au, a kunigiri i halfway rewrote when i found out i accidentally completely deleted a kncg fic i wrote that couldn't be recovered)

and then other ideas asdkfjklsfdj

isagibowl actor au that i did not delve into plot wise any further than that lmaoooo frankly i just think i need to write isagibowl at some point cause that boy deserves to FUCK

my cousin's best man at his wedding gave a speech abt how my cousin FORGOT WHO HE WAS after they'd already met and been on like. the same baseball team or smth and idek what ship this would be (probs smth with rin or sae) but it made me laugh so hard i had to write it down

sae who Refuses to form attachments with anyone and hooks up with many people (this is labeled in my notes as 'sae using whoever as basically a dildo' and frankly i'm right)

everyone in ng11 having a tattoo so sae has a tramp stamp. idk if it's when he acquires the tattoo or what but i just think i should write abt it

siren sae ryusae this is a GREAT idea i should rly write this but siren sae who gets captured on purpose to bait someone on the ship into going overboard (ofc it ends up being shidou that he fixates on) and eventually he succeeds and nearly kills shidou except shidou's just looking at him like he sees sae and not some Evil Creature and sae's just like. fuck. and doesn't kill him, just tosses him up on some beach which is a pain in the ass cause no legs and then shidou finds him again and sae tries to scare him off by being all demon siren like and shidou is just ENAMORED

throat goat shidou ryurin where shidou'll give basically anyone head and most of the pxg guys have taken him up on it. rin hasn't (but he will :) )

another nontraditional fic format concept where sae keeps detailed records of everyone he's slept with, notes on preferences kinks how good/not good the sex was etc etc in like. a Form format

o i'm redacting this one cause i decided to use this idea for an original story instead lmao

noaego outsider pov "i wonder if your therapist knows everything about me" based right before noa goes to bllk to coach the bm team i just think noa's poor therapist would be so exasperated abt him going back to his ex like that

ryurin neighbors au where rin can see in shidou's window and that guy is ALWAYS half-naked and doesn't have/doesn't close his blinds/curtains and rin gets so fed up with it that he leaves a note on the door except then he swears it's happening MORE often, chaos ensues and rin goes over to Confront the guy. horny chaos ensues :)

kaisagi pov of fanfic writer hiori where kaiser's desperately trying to figure out what the hell is happening with all this fic stuff. bachira keeps sending isagi kaisagi fic from his fave author (hiori, not that he knows that) and isagi ends up reading it (out of morbid curiosity ofc !!!!) unsure of the resolution but it would be very cracky i think

saesagi my beloved but it's a seat chat fic bc i'm unwell about seat chat on airplanes. anyway 12yo isagi finds out he's on a plane with ITOSHI SAE (13yo, when he got scouted for real madrid) and sends him a seat chat message just talking about how amazing a player he is etc. ffw however many years and sae is lowkey obsessed with him (maybe in a 'his encouragement is what got sae through some of his darkest times in madrid' sort of way)

ryusae it's always ryusae lmao pop idol sae and budding makeup artist shidou. sae's notorious for being insanely picky abt his makeup (brands, application, style, etc) and regularly fires new artists. at some point, he fires one right before he's supposed to go on stage, calls kaiser in (old friends, and kaiser did his makeup before kaiser made it big & started his own company) and kaiser's like just this once, then i'm sending you someone else. and sends over the guy that barged into his office trying to get a job with no credentials or pro experience or references (aka shidou lmao)

ryusae (again, i know) trans camboy shidou and very invested watcher sae, but it's set in canon, and that's actually part of why sae picked shidou for the u20 game

ryusae (i knOW) where shidou wakes up multiple times to sae fucking him (or riding him, blowing him, etc) and he's like. pretty boy. I wanna be involved in this, wake me up next time. and sae is like rly cautious and hedgy abt it. won't say why but could go lots of ways - he thinks he wants it too often and shidou will find him annoying, he's still struggling to say when he wants smth, etc

ryukai dying each other's hair. bonus points if they both end up with purple tips

ryucha where charles clocks shidou's boner on field and follows him into the locker room to get dicked down about it

kise based vaguely (plot whomst we don't know her) on not the one by movie night (x)

kaisagi fwb i typed 'ypichi' in a fic on accident and published it not noticing the typo and i think kaiser would typo isagi's name and then put him in his phone as 'y🍑y' which would irritate isagi to no end. other than that, plot whomst?

rin&sae 2nd person pov fic about destroying your brother's dreams or smth along those lines. i have like. one starting line to potentially use here lsdjfklfs

either ryusae (iKNOW okay i know) or rinsagi based on i like me better by lauv (specifically the spotify studio recording version) (x) where they're just being. so unbearably soft for each other

rinsagisae based on in the middle by dodie (x) idk which one would be the ex of isagi's but i have written ryurinsae before and i wld rly like to try my hand at rinsagisae as well

ryukai i am deeply obsessed with them both having this core motivator of 'proof of existence' and i think that could be a fun idea to incorporate into a pwp fic

this is so important to me i need to write an h2o fic some day and i think it being about sae, isagi, and kaiser getting mer'd would be the best way to hit on all the relationships and dynamics i would want to explore

phew. okay. sldkfjklsfdjsfd. hey if u made it this far, thanks for checking this out !!! i think i unironically have another 11 fics i've finished that are in the queue to post over the next couple months so hopefully u will enjoy those as well!

and hey if any of these sounded particularly interesting (or any of the ideas i mentioned on my twt thread - x) feel free to let me know!! no promises, but i could possibly be steered toward certain ideas over others once i'm done with this rnis fic lmao

[everythingsinred]

For the writers ask: 2, 3, 4, 17

thank u for asking <3 <3 <3

2) What is your favorite fic of yours? i hope this isn't too much of a cop-out answer but my favorite fic is always the one i'm working on. a lot of love goes into each one and if i'm not fully enthralled in a story i'm writing i might as well not write it at all, imo. i'm particularly proud of atrad right now, because it took a long time, as well as lots of research and i really wanted it to be well-written. but rn, even though i'm on pause for a bit, subjectives is my fav bc it's the one i'm working on now.

3) What fic of yours do you think is underrated? it's hard to say when it comes to the ga fandom bc there's usually not as many readers at all, but i must say lack of interaction is what caused me to put not what we should be on the backburner for a few years. i fully intend to write all of it some day, but it is hard to get motivated when it's also a fic i've received negative comments on ;-;

(w the fandom that won't be named, i really liked writing trust, but it was seemingly less interesting to others so i abandoned it. rest in peace...)

4) What fic of yours were you surprised by how popular it was? i am always shocked when any of my fics get attention! my first ga fics in the internship universe on ffn got a lil bit of attention and i was genuinely surprised! but my g*th*am fic play dead getting as much attention as it did really shocked me, especially bc i was on twitter back then and i had plenty of mutuals who would "live tweet" reading whenever a new chapter came out, and it honestly felt so touching... the higher u fly, the more u have to fall and all that.

when it comes to ga, i had surrendered to having no attention especially more recently, but i think atrad got a decent amount of attention for how small the fandom is! and lots of ppl would comment and give me their thoughts which meant a lot too, and which i wasn't fully expecting!

17) Do you have any wips that you can tell us about? What are you most excited for in you wip?

obviously, i still have nwwsb, which someone asked abt recently! i'm very happy there's ppl out there who are interested in seeing it continue bc i am too <3 i'm thinking after subjectives, i'll probably continue nwwsb for a while (tho i had planned on it being rly long so i might get distracted by another project eventually before finishing it lmao)

i also wrote ~7 chapters of a zombie au a few years ago that i enjoyed but never posted bc pretty much all i saw on tumblr back then were ppl hating on zombie aus. i think i'd have to rewrite what i have though if i were to post it, which is why i'm not as excited about that project. i don't like restarting lol

and i also have a restaurant au i like, but it would likely not be quite as long as my other fics <3

and what i'm most excited abt is just sharing more fics for people to enjoy! i love writing natsumikan fanfic and giving as much as i can to this fandom and tho it seems to be in a constant state of shrinking, i won't let myself get too discouraged! thank u to all who read and enjoy my fics <3 i very much appreciate it!

send me a fic writing ask if you would like!

[hydrxnessa]

YOUR DOORS CONTENT BRINGS ME SUCH OVERWHELMING JOY ,,,,,,,,,,,

plsplspls tell me abt Halt . begging on my hands and knees TELL ME YOUR HCS PLEASE PLELELEPSPELWPLALDLSOPlsls

AAHHH THANKYOUU ;; <33 MEANS A LOT TO MEE !!! im so glad ppl are enjoying my funky doors phase sketches ^^

halt hcs? bouta whip some up in a whim (i've been mainly focussing on designs rather than their actual personalities lol, the hcs i've said before are probably subject to change)

(also i am Not used to writing headcanons, i'm usually on the receiving end of them so writing them is gonna be a wild ride for me x'p bear with me here)

halt's hallway is its own domain to control! similar to a dreamscape, halt can control the appearance of its hallway, giving it the ability to REALLY mess with people's heads. it hasn't discovered the scopes of what it is capable of, but distorting the sound and giving its victims vertigo is seemingly enough.

halt can only do this in its own hallway! the only 'dizzying powers' it has outside of its room is its ability to give the flight/freeze response to whoever it touches (making people immediately panic and flee from the area/freeze). sadly it can't control it and sometimes unwillingly gives it to someone just wanting a hug :[

despite its jokester nature, halt is actually a polite and well-mannered fella! will not hesitate to drop whatever its doing (unless its pranking someone) to help with whatever you need!

halt likes to lurk in the shadows of the hotel. most entities probably got used to seeing halt's blue eyes in the dark corners and would go like 'haha. funny, halt. you got me.' . halt took advantage of this and placed two little blue lightbulbs that look like its eyes in random corners. let's just say halt won many staring contests this way

yknow that cinematic trope where a character appears to be moving to the side of the screen (towards off-screen) and a second character is looking at them as they move, only for the first character to somehow appear right behind them? halt does that. a lot.

as for relationships with other entities - halt isn't very close to many. probably closest with guiding light since it's not affected by its 'fleeting' touch. that doesn't mean entities don't like halt!! they just try to keep their distance from it, and they find halt to be a nice entity anyway :]

when ambush chases its own tail, halt joins alongside it. then rush joins. then its a three-man tail-chase fest (if .. you count halt's lower half as a tail)

i may think of more later but that's what i have rn !! halt is a funky fella w its joking yet polite nature but sad isolation from contact w others :[ poor guy

[flygefisk]

OOOO OK YOU ASKED FOR PEOPLE TO ASK ABT YOUR DRAGONS IM SO DOWN, so much so im going off anon for this shit /pos gods im obsessed with howl and synder rn, the writing was phenomenal!!! Since on my side fr is doing its maintenance thingy I cannot look at your lair, but id looove to know more about them!!

Like for example, is there any more about Syndor you can lore drop about? Is he a regular ol guy (species wise) or a lil something else?

Oh and Howl!!! Im sorry if its obvious and I just missed it cause its late but what is she?? It sounds like shes some sort of badass zombie but Id love to know

OH AND i am in fact very curious about the most recent anciets you got, they are so so cool!! I adore gentle giant characters, hugging the big ladies finger rn <333 I unfortuantly dont have a lot of ideas for names for either, but the sea monster is giving me K, A, or M vibe names, ones that sound sing songy to speak!

aaaa thank u!! i have. No confidence in my writing tbh so i very much appreciate it <3

syndor, biologically, is a very average dragon. he's just been through some stuff. he is trying very hard to keep his past in the past. after all, his present is so wonderful.

howl's meant to be a little bit unfathomable, so fair! but they're not a zombie- the body they're in is totally alive. mortal, even. it bleeds! it hungers! i guess they were reincarnated, but with more intent.

i had written more about what howl was before their death but didn't like the pacing, so i scrapped it. the tl;dr version is she was a girl (who was actually transmasc/genderqueer in an era where that was not an option), murdered by a suitor. a wild god found the body, found the wild thing that was howl, and gave it a new life. their initial story + the scrapped portion is under the cut if you want the whole thing!

howl and syndor are kinda two sides of the same coin- howl is completely free from its past, living in the present, happy. i'm not sure how much they remember of their last life. syndor, though, is hiding from his past, it sits like a shackle holding him back. he lives in the present, not out of the joy of life, but because he can never go back and feels he doesn't have a future.

they're good for each other like that. syndor helps howl navigate a new world, howl helps syndor find his own way.

tbh i was kinda thinking calypso for her! iiii haven't had a lot of time to think about either of them tbh, its been. a rough week asfsds

once, long ago, there was a girl. this girl was a farmer's daughter, loved by all in the village for her kindness and beauty.

the girl had many suitors. carpenters, merchants, knights, all loved the girl. she never courted any, though. her father hoped she would marry, find some wealthy husband who could support her, and was always quietly disappointed when she turned them away at the door.

the girl knew what she was supposed to do. she often spent time with the other girls in the village, laughing at their talk of boys and secret kisses and nights spent hidden away together. she knew she was meant to marry a man and have his children and clean his home.

to the girl, this sounded like hell on earth.

the girl had something she was hiding- something that lived within her, something wild and angry, that she could not describe. the something rioted against the idea of being a housewife, reviled the thought of motherhood.

its snarls and howls grew louder and louder with every suitor. she was sure that one day, the something would eat her alive.

-

once, long ago, there was a prince. this prince enjoyed traveling his country, meeting folks from all walks of life, giving gifts that, to him, were pocket change, and, to his subjects, were life-changing. it would be easy to assume this habit made the prince a kind man.

the prince met the farmer's daughter, and was struck by her beauty. he took her polite smile and sweet laughter as acceptance of his courtship.

the prince gave the girl and her family lavish gifts- jewelry, silken gowns, bottles of fine wine each costing more than her home. the girl's parents were overjoyed, of course. they would be nobility, if she married the prince, rich beyond their wildest dreams.

the wild something in the girl howled every time she saw the prince. it snarled when he kissed her hand, screeched when he placed another golden chain round her neck.

she imagined its teeth gnawing at her bones, so full of hatred it tore its own skin with sharp fangs and claws. she imagined her own mouth full of fangs like that. she imagined those teeth tearing into the prince's throat. ripping out his honeyed words. clawing out his selfish eyes. staining that fine silk and velvet with dark blood.

how sweet that would be.

-

once, long ago, there was a farmer. he had a daughter, a kind and beautiful girl loved by all who met her. and his daughter had a suitor, a prince who loved the girl.

the farmer loved his daughter, and wanted her to be happy. he felt that she was unhappy sometimes, though she always wore a sweet smile, and he felt it was due to their lifestyle. he was certain if she married the prince, she would be happy. safe from poor harvests and harsh winters. warm, well-fed, and happy.

the prince came calling one day, while the girl was out, so the farmer happily told him where she had gone. the farmer hoped today would be the day the prince proposed.

the girl was picking berries along the creek- she loved walking in the forest, listening to the sounds of the wind and birds and insects rather than the incessant chatter of the village. quiet and peaceful. the wild something was angrier than it had ever been, but it seemed calmer in the forest.

until her quiet afternoon was interrupted. the prince on his white horse, his voice so loud and vain and self-obsessed. the girl's father had been right, the prince had come to ask the girl to marry him. again.

no, she said, for the dozenth time. the wild something growled. he asked again, insistent and irritating. the wild something snarled. again and again he asked, until it was more of a command than a question, and the wild something howled and bit and clawed until it leapt from her throat, her sweet voice full of rage as she rejected him once and for all.

the flash of metal, the tearing of fabric, of skin. the spilling of blood.

she died with his blood under her nails.

-

once, long ago, there was a god. it was a wild, ancient god, one of blood and lust and life. a forest god.

the god scented blood on the air, civilized blood. it cared little for civilized folks, as most gods do. it cared little whether they lived or died. but it was a curious god, so it tracked the scent, bounding on deers' hooves to its source.

the god's paws left no tracks in the bloodsoaked earth around the creature's remains. it touched the weapon buried in the thing's stomach, ran its talons over the strange covering it wore, brushed a bit of hair from its face. the god considered the creature for a moment: its face contorted in rage, its hands and coverings stained dark. there was another scent here, under the obvious blood and rot, one even more familiar to the god.

a wild something, indescribable even to the god of such things, coiled around the body that was once its own. it stared up at the god, its teeth bared. the god raised its head and howled in its many voices, joined soon by the wolves and coyotes and hawks and hares of the forest, in a mournful harmony of all wild things.

the something howled too, until its song became a scream, letting loose all the sorrow and love and rage of a life that would never have been enough.

the forest went silent. the god lowered its head and nuzzled the something, like a doe to her fawn, like a bear to her cub. wild things understand each other. they understand the cycle, that nothing lasts forever and nothing really dies. the god understood the something's desperate plea, no need for words.

another chance.

-

once, not so long ago, there was a man. he walked through an overgrown forest, dirt on his hands and his shovel. he loved walking in the forest, listening to the sounds of nature. it was calming.

he paused near a burbling creek to wash the sweat from his face. he sighed in grim satisfaction- tired, sore, numb. but it was over.

the man realized, after staring into the water for long minutes, that something was different. wrong. the forest was silent here. his eye was drawn to a large stone behind him- half his height or more, veined with black and glittering white patches. on its face, a handprint made of something dark.

a strange impulse took over, something wild within him, and he began to dig.

a scraping sound. crumbling earth. cracking twigs. then, light. sunlight. warm and bright and so welcome after so long in the dirt.

the creature reached out from its grave. its hands- long, clawed, discolored- shook as it pulled itself up. it blinked against the morning light, yawned as though waking from a long nap.

it almost didn't notice the man with the shovel. he stared at it, his expression unreadable. it ignored him, letting the world wash over it: a cool breeze on its face, the sound of the water, of birds and insects, of wind through the leaves, the cloying scent of dark earth giving way to flowers and trees.

finally, the man held out a hand- blistered, covered in soil- and the creature let him pull it from the earth.

the man removed his cloak, wrapping it around the creature's broad shoulders. it rubbed the fabric between its clawed fingers- soft, warm, dark like good soil- and smiled. it should have been frightening, with its sharp teeth, but the man just smiled back.

wild things understand each other.

[cutepervert]

ty to @tigertofu for the tag <3 dont have many friends on here yet but i'll tag the people that i can think of off the top of my head, @rreskk @chloe12801 @heisentwerk

Were you named after anyone?

not as far as I can tell. my mom likes to say im named after julius caesar but i think shes lying

Do you have kids?

no and have noooo interest it is simply not for me i think

Use sarcasm a lot?

yes, less so on the internet but irl i do a LOT

First thing you notice 'bout people?

it's hard to pick out one thing because i often interpret the totality of a person (like their vibe ig?) before i focus on any details. this is not to say that i dont focus on details i absolutely do but that's often long after i've determined the person has an interesting vibe based off their outfit/the way they carry themselves/etc

Eye color?

hazel. i think? like a light brown with greenish bits in the central heterochromia zone

Scary movies or happy ending?

hard to say tbh! I like a neat ending (not necessarily a happy one) and both scary movies and 'happy ending' movies tend to have neat endings (or at least neat enough to set-up for a sequel LOL). I like both, it all kinda depends on my mood

Special talent?

oh i struggle so hard with this question... like, i have several things i am moderately good at (writing, drawing, et cetera) but ive never been especially skilled or talented at a single thing like other people are. jack of all trades master of none that's the kinda bitch i am. also sidenote but i think talent isn't real. if it is real it describes nothing but someones desire to practice a given thing which then makes them good at it. nobodys born good at shit. prodigies are fake and they are all lying to u!!!!

Your hobbies?

lol. hobbies... what are those! no frfr i play video games write fanfic and once in a while when i have the energy to set up a workspace i like doing very hands-on sculptural art like papier mache and clay sculpture.

Any pets?

no i wish :( want a cat so bad but our aint shit landlord (who tbf is usually really fine and normal and chill so i guess there had to be ONE THING at least that sucked abt him) said no

Playing any sport?

LOL. no. fuck sports..... except i like watching basketball because those men are freaks of nature in the best way and i like to imagine in ancient times we'd have them do feats of strength like climbing up a very steep mountain face. i just love those lengthy boys. kevin durant especially is such an extruded guy every time he falls during a game (which as it turns out is way more often than i thought) im like okay this time his legs have to have snapped in half. and they dont! probably because he drinks his milk or w/e. takes him vitamines. wild shit. anyway yeah i dont do sports

How tall..?

5'7 last time i checked.... imo the perfect height. not too short not too tall but also not too medium. on the tall side of medium sized. love being this height.

Favourite subject in school?

hard to say bc it depended so much on the teacher but i loved most of my english classes and a good amount of my history classes. history is sooo girlypop to me like we're truly just sharing 100+ year old gossip like it's not nosy as fuuuuuck

Dream job:

i do not dream of labor but i think the ideal job for me is one that doesn't feel like it's sucking 100% of my soul out my mouth (will settle for like 30 to 50% soul sucking) and hopefully serves to help other people through creative expression (because i dont know how to do anything else LMAO). i basically have that job rn but it's still Hard and Annoying so i suppose nothing will ever b perfect

[izzy-b-hands]

More complaining below the cut. Just abt random life shit. Using the cut so hopefully it’ll be quick to scroll by tho I tried to keep things short lol

The worst part is, I don’t really know what would make things better for me. I’ve done and am doing the things that are commonly suggested, and they’ve helped to a degree, but everyone acts like my depression should just disappear once these things are done, and that’s never once happened for me. It might lessen from one day to the next, but it’s never Gone, and I don’t fully understand or believe at this point that it is possible for me to be Rid of It Forever.

Like location change has been good and made me feel good! Job change has been...it’s a work in progress but at least I have a part time job rn! I have hobbies I try to do and skills I try to improve (like writing and sewing and working on learning new languages) and they’re all Fine and some of the time I even find myself able to enjoy them but like

None of that erases the thought in the back of my mind that I’m not equipped to live in the world as it is or that my existence has some special value. I’m one of a vast many, and we live, and then someday we die, and that’s fine! That’s how that’s meant to go! Why does my existence need to be held up as this Big Special Thing that should Go On As Long As Possible, if that wouldn’t actually be beneficial to me or anyone in my life?????

In other words when I can eventually afford my doc again for talk therapy i KNOW she’s gonna suggest I get another hobby regardless of my ability to afford it, and I’m gonna have to bite my tongue to ask if getting hobbies actually makes us feel better, or if it just distracts us long enough to keep our brains from delving into misery over things out of our control and what we can’t afford to change (aka I already asked this once and she just went blank and changed the subject and said most ppl don’t like thinking abt it like that. No shit my darling, I know that, but I can’t stop thinking abt it so I feel like we should try and address it??? At least try???? and I’m struggling to handle it myself so I’m asking for help and here I am and all I get are shoulder shrugs and changed subjects.) 

[lovelyhan]

AURKAYYY im a liar and i actually read this the moment i put it in my tbr bc i really really really needed something like this rn ifykwim.......

more cohesive review under the cut so everyone doesn't have to be subjected to me losing it in the open

JADE IM LITERALLY LOSING MY MIND bc i promise you i have never read a fic that has had me hollering and keening and wailing the entire time... i had to screenshot so many banger lines here bc i was on the floor dying from the comedy 👹👹👹 not awnly that, but the depth of their love for each other still reads so well despite the humorous nature of the story and i--- [screams into a canyon]

I WAS LITERALLY LIKE "awww" when i read and he feels his stupid heart swell but then you followed it up w THAT 😭 STAWP PLAYING W MY FEELINGS LIKE THIS!!!

The most iconic line ever, if this isn't love i don't know what is !!! Very good call that you used this in the summary bc that's definitely what hooked me the fuck into this mess (pun intended)

GOD!!! HES JUST SOME GUY!!! SOME GUY THAT PROFESSES HIS LOVE TO HIS LOVER IN THE MOST SOME GUY WAY POSSIBLE!!! IM SO ENAMORED W HIM!!! Definitely makes sense why vernon was the one to pull me into stanning svt altogether and your writing is doing nothing but feeding my nonnie brainworms LMFAO

NOT HIM KINKSHAMING THE READER IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL 😭 even if u say u arent, u definitely are!! /j i fucking loooove how comfortable they are w each other that they just fuck around s o casually in the middle of period sex GOD ME WHEN

One thing ive always admired abt ur writing is that it always reads like a sitcom for some reason ??? I dont have the exact words i want to convey rn but basically uou make all the scenes you write so fluid yet entertaining at the same time,, the characters you write always have so much Character in them even with these subtle actions alone, the "self aware rectangle" ASJDJDJD ITS JUST SO VERNON!!!!! I am so very in love with your depiction of him im literally crying

BOY IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPP 😭😭😭 the way he brought up winnie the pooh too OH YOURE LUCKY YOURE HOT !!!

See this is yet another prime example of just how deep their love runs for each other. Relationships aren't perfect and the people involved aren't psychics so it's no surprise to be a little hesitant about what your partner is thinking... but for them to be implicitly conscious of what the other needs first before minding their own,,, i am so fucking jealous rn actually i've never wanted to be yn as badly as i do now 👹👹👹👹👹👹

Im so very sorry for going through it in here 😭 it's been a while since i've read a nice old nonnie fic and you provided a 5-star experience!!!

tidal.

but vernon has a point to make, so that’s precisely what he does: “i don’t need a sales pitch. you will never — ever — have to convince me to fuck you.” 

pairing: vernon x afab!reader type: one-shot (fluff n’ smut) au: est. relationship wc: 4.8k rating: 18+ a/n: i didn’t plan this whatsoever, but i felt so weirdly compelled to write it that i avoided eye-contact with all of my wips, and now… here we are, lol. cw: pov switch, reader is afab + on their period, gender identity + pronouns aren’t designated, blood mention (obvi), unprotected p in v penetration (ill-advised!!), wee bit of dry-humping (ig?), a lil massage, pet names (baby, sweetheart), self-indulgent ref to a favorite docu of mine, and lastly — vernon (yes, this is a warning 🧍🏻) 🔞 MINORS WHO INTERACT WITH ME AND/OR MY CONTENT WILL BE BLOCKED, WHETHER OR NOT THE CONTENT IS NSFW. I’M AN ADULT WRITING EXCLUSIVELY FOR OTHER ADULTS.

Vernon isn’t blind. 

He can see you out of the corner of his eye, laying flat on your back, several unexplained centimeters away from his side. With the duvet clenched in your fists, you stare intensely up at the ceiling, like you’re waiting for it to move — or trying to move it yourself, telekinetically. You keep your bottom lip pinched between your teeth, as if you expect it to make a run for it.

So, yes, Vernon can see you. 

He just can’t figure out what’s wrong with you.

For a few minutes, he attempts to pay attention to the documentary lighting up the screen on the wall ahead. You were the one that picked it — some wild tale about mother-daughter recluses in New York — and he finds it hard to give a shit about it without your usual commentary. Your hot takes are his favorite part of any movie night, after all.

He’ll be the first to admit that he’s never been good at keeping his eyes off you. Try as he might, he can’t glue his gaze to the television; each glance in your direction sticks longer than the one before it, testing the waters. Minutes slip away just like this until he completely caves, turns his head fully, and stares at you outright. 

You still don’t seem to notice.

His brow scrunches up as he watches you, caught in the middle between concerned, confused, and amused by how absolutely ridiculous you look right now. When he speaks, he tries to sound stern, like he isn’t fighting the urge to laugh.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?” is all he gets in response. 

You don’t even look his way. If anything, you tense harder now that his attention is on you. 

None of it makes sense. Not the weird gap you’ve left between your body and his, your total refusal to look him in the eye, or the fact that there wasn’t an argument to precipitate any of this distance. It’s a symptom with no apparent cause, and it’s totally baffling. Brain-breaking, even.

Frowning, Vernon scoots himself across the bed to get closer to you. 

You don’t reciprocate. 

He tugs gently at the hem of your sweatshirt in a silent plea for your attention and receives radio silence in response; unless he counts the way you swallow thickly.

Which, for the record, he does not.

This close, Vernon can feel the anxious energy pulsing out of your tensed-up body in waves, so he leans away and props himself up on his elbow. Desperate to know what broke you and how to fix it, he mutters, “What is happening right now?”

Ope. 

It comes out harsher than it was supposed to, reading more like annoyance than worry, so he immediately clears his throat. Gently and with a brush of his knuckles against your hip bone, he tries again: “Are you okay? Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

A fly on the wall might get the wrong impression and think he stroked you with a live wire instead.

“Oh, my god. No!” You sputter with a jolt, shifting gears quickly from vaguely on-edge to horrified. You shake your head so frantically that Vernon fears you’ll detach it. “No, you haven’t done anything. I’m fine, I just —”

He interjects with a laugh, “— I don’t necessarily believe that —”

Visibly cringing with every muscle in your body, you cover your face with your hands. Not long after you take a deep breath does a meek voice slip out through your fingers, sounding beyond embarrassed.

“I’m so incomprehensibly horny right now that I can’t even look at you.”

For a second, it’s dead silent because he can’t quite process how much of a weirdo you are, or how completely and hopelessly enamored he is with you. But then the dam breaks. His laugh comes out so forcefully that you pull your hands away from your face, eyes wide.

“Is that so?” He smirks, nodding his head towards the television. “Grey Gardens really gets your motor running, huh?”

Absolutely aghast, you swat at his bicep. Then, you sling your arm over your eyes and groan, “I got my period. It has turned me into a sex-crazed monster, I fear.”

Vernon nods in understanding, even though you can’t see it, and hums, “Ahh.”

And he leaves it at that, only because you seem to have more that you want to say. Something you want to ask, maybe, or a reason you may want to give for not jumping his bones at the first opportunity. He’s down, he thinks without hesitation, so long as you are.

But you don’t say anything.

Maybe you aren’t actually down after all, and that’s why you won’t look at him. Shit, are you embarrassed? Should I say something? Silence falls overtop like a weighted blanket, smothering the two idiots who can’t tell whose turn it is to talk. 

Do you or do you not want this right now?

You mumble something that he can’t catch, so he nudges your side gently with his knuckles to encourage you. Just as nervous, you repeat yourself without looking at him, “Period sex is supposed to help with cramps, I think.”

He thinks he’s read the exact same article you have. More than that, he wishes you’d look over at him and see for yourself how completely unbothered he is by this concept.

“If you think about it, it’s kind of like a natural lubricant,” you add in a voice that’s even smaller than before.

Your shyness really might kill him, so he reaches over to grab your hand and gently pull your arm away from your eyes. It’s the first time you’ve looked at him since you laid down — since you put your self-imposed no-contact order in place — and he feels his stupid heart swell.

For what it’s worth, he feels his dick twitch, too.

You open your mouth to speak again, likely to continue your unnecessary campaigning; Vernon is having none of it. He tugs your wrist just enough to tilt you inward, then he kisses you hard enough to shut you up. A tiny whimper slips out of your lips when he pulls away, and it almost makes him regret his decision to do so. 

But Vernon has a point to make, so that’s precisely what he does: “I don’t need a sales pitch. You will never — ever —  have to convince me to fuck you.” 

Your eyes crinkle at the corners, like this is somehow news to you. It shouldn’t be. He’s told you a thousand times in as many different ways how thoroughly crazy you drive him just by existing so closely to him, but maybe you didn’t take him seriously then.

To emphasize his point, he slips his hand under the hem of your sweatshirt and finds your bare waist with the pad of his thumb. It spirals slowly against your warm skin, making both of you dizzy. Then, sick of the distance, Vernon dips his head down to press a kiss to your temple. 

“Like, ever,” he murmurs, lips following the curve of your jaw. 

Soft, slow kisses trail behind him as he travels down to your lips. Your head tilts further backwards with every single one, providing him with more and more access. 

He states it matter-of-factly because, to him, it is. “I’m down so bad for you that it might be terminal.”

“Oh?” 

You try to laugh but turn to putty when his palm rests fully on the curve of your waist and pulls you flush against him. The surprised gasp you let loose confirms his suspicion: You can feel how serious he is, affirmation throbbing against your abdomen in time with his heartbeat. 

Vernon smirks to himself, relishing your reaction, and bypasses your mouth entirely. A moan escapes from you, soft like an exhale, as his lips move slowly down the length of your neck. Every so often — just to feel you shiver — he flicks the tip of his tongue along the delicate skin he finds there.

“It might be messy…” 

The rest of your needless warning gets lost in a dreamy sigh as he suckles at the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. Shifting even closer, your desperate fingers reach out and cling to his t-shirt.

Vernon licks a stripe over the galaxy blooming on your skin. He hums, hand traveling upwards from your waist, “Don’t care about a mess.”

And he means it. 

Mindful of any soreness, he smooths his hand over your left breast and massages it tenderly, swearing to himself that he’ll throw the whole fucking mattress out if that’s what it comes down to. For you, he’ll race across town on foot to buy another one, and — fuck it — if the store is closed, he might just break in.

You’re growing impatient; your fingers let go of his shirt and tangle themselves in his hair.

“So needy,” he chuckles low in his chest, teasing. “You know, I think you’re lying. I think it is this bat-shit insane documentary that’s driving you wild, and you’re too embarrassed to admit it.”

“Stop,” you whine, dragging out the vowel sound. 

You don’t, though; you throw your left leg over his right thigh and shimmy forward until your cunt grazes his dick. Involuntarily, he groans at the warmth radiating off your core. Every part of you drives him just the slightest bit insane. You seem to know it, he thinks as he watches your pupils dilate in real time.

But he can play games, too, so he rolls his hips forward and grinds against you. He pushes you further, “Don’t get me wrong, baby. I’m not kink-shaming you —”

“Hansol Vernon Chwe!”

Oh, shit. Government name?

“— I’m just a little surprised, I guess.” He sighs with a shrug. “Think you know somebody…”

Your impatience is scribbled all across your scrunched up face. It seeps into your voice when you crash back against the pillows and huff, “Can you please stop fucking with me and start fucking me?”

“Sex-crazed monster, huh?” Leaning over, Vernon punctuates his question with a quick press of his lips to yours.

You whimper, “I’m so serious. I might explode.”

“Then go take care of whatever you need to take care of.” He kisses you again, smiling so fondly that his eyes may even be twinkling. “And I’ll go get a towel.”

You wait until Vernon clears the threshold before launching yourself out of bed at breakneck speed. Stumbling all the while, you race off to the adjoining bathroom and shut the door forcefully behind you. When it clatters against the frame, you finally admit to yourself that you might be a little bit eager.

Maybe.

Opting to keep your baggy, bleach-stained sweatshirt on, you wiggle out of your shorts and — what he refers to as — your crisis diaper. The high-waisted, frumpy, beige panties are utilized exclusively during your period, and to your surprise, they’ve remained spotless. It’s only ever the pretty and expensive pairs that wind up as collateral damage, isn’t it?

As they pool around your ankles, you can’t help but think that Vernon’s nickname for them is pretty spot on. That’s partly why you figured he might need to be talked into this. Unsated arousal aside, you feel as far from sexy as you can possibly get.

You shake your head to clear your thoughts, kick what you’ve discarded into a pile near the hamper, and let your sweatshirt shift down to cover as much of your ass as it’s capable of managing. You grab a square of toilet paper; then, you go to work excavating the wad of cotton that separates you from everything you want in this life. 

It is within the realm of possibility that you’re a little bit eager and a little bit dramatic. 

Perhaps.

After discarding the evidence in the small trash can under the sink, you wash your hands as if you’re about to step into an operating theater and not the bedroom you spend half your life in. When you finally feel sterile, you lift your head and catch your reflection in the mirror. Instantly, you make eye contact with the painful, hormonal pimple on your chin — the one you’ve been waging a retinoid war against for days.

“Bitch,” you mutter, like calling it names will be the one thing that finally gets it to shrink. Of course, your plan doesn’t work, but you feel a little less powerless. That’s good enough, you think. At least, as good as it’s going to get.

Now half-naked and certifiably unobstructed, you tiptoe back to your bedroom much more carefully than you left it. Vernon enters from the opposite doorway at the same time, jumping slightly the second he notices you. You ignore his frightened eyes and glance down at the crisp, white towel he’s clutching.

You open your mouth to suggest anything otherwise, but he beats you to it. His eyebrows shoot up his forehead as his mouth widens outwards, a self-aware rectangle. Otherwise expressionless, he lets go of an atonal, “Aaaaaaah”, that tells you he’s caught on.

He says nothing else before turning around and walking back the way he came. You have to bite down on your lips to keep from cackling.

That one’s mine, you think, still as infatuated as you were at the start. I chose that one.

While he’s gone, you try not to move, not to breathe too heavily. Vernon said he didn’t care about a mess, but when he said it, he was speaking theoretically with his hand on your tit. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d spoken recklessly with your body melting under his touch.

As far as you know, he hasn’t had any experience with this mess in practice. He could wind up finding you about as sexy as you currently feel — to wit: not at all. So, erring on the side of caution, you turn yourself into a statue and wait for the boy and his towel to find you again.

When he comes back, he plants a drive-by kiss on your unsuspecting mouth before skirting right around you. With shocking finesse, he grabs the corners of the — thankfully — black towel, which unfurls in the seconds before he flicks it upwards. It lands perfectly in the center of the bed, flat without needing to be fussed with.

“Wow,” he mutters to himself, taking in his clean work with raised eyebrows.

The impressed look is still on his face when he turns around, but you don’t have time to comment on his feat because he laughs as soon as he sees you.

“Kinda look like Donald Duck with the whole top-on, bottom-off situation.”

I chose this one?

You pout with an indignant gasp, crossing your arms over your chest. “I’m not wearing a sailor hat, so…. bad analogy. Rude, even.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs as he snakes his arms around your waist and pulls you in close. You stumble a little on your way into him; the jury’s still out about whether it’s his hushed tone or the sudden movement that trips you up.

Between his thumb and index finger, he gently captures your chin. You follow along with his unspoken direction, tilt your face up to meet his. This close, you can see your own reflection in his pupils, black dilating against the warmest shade of brown you’ve ever seen.

Vernon takes a moment of silence as he takes in your features, and he studies them so intently that his eyebrows crinkle on their own. He sighs, sounding so completely serious. “You might get prettier every time I look at you.”

It’s unclear if you’re melting, or gushing; and if it’s the latter, you can’t say which biological process is at fault. Thankfully, the hand at the small of your back keeps your weak knees from buckling when his lips brush over yours.

“Even if you’re dressed like Winnie the Pooh.” 

You feel him smirk even before you hear him laugh at his own joke. Then, you feel his hand slide down to cup your bare cheek, squeezing affectionately. You want to tell him that this analogy is still inaccurate because you’re not wearing a crop-top; but he gently instructs you to ditch the sweatshirt and get on the bed, and your body moves automatically. No questions asked.

Carefully, you crawl up onto the mattress, then you center yourself on the towel. Still on your knees, you tilt your head curiously and ask, “Where do you want me?”

“Anywhere,” he breezes, pulling his shirt off and tossing it onto the dresser nearby. He amends, “Everywhere. All the time, and then some.”

“Better be careful,” you tease. “Talking like that might have consequences. You may never be able to get rid of me.”

His joggers are the next to go. Your sanity follows shortly thereafter, hungry eyes lingering on the imprint of his cock underneath his boxer briefs. You have to clamp your mouth shut to keep from drooling.

Brown eyes sparkling, he steps closer to you, kicking his pants aside as he goes. “Be careful,” he echoes, not a hint of cockiness to be found — just softness. “Saying it like a threat doesn’t make me wish it’s not a promise.”

I choose this one.

Crossing all the way to you, Vernon reaches the bed and climbs up with significantly more grace than you did. The mattress dips under his weight as he kneels right in front of you, mirroring your posture and causing your stomach to flip with anticipation.

You can’t help yourself; you lick your lips and look up at him with half-lidded eyes. “Naked, please. Like, right now.”

“Damn, I gotta do this myself?” Incredulous, he holds his hands up while glancing pointedly down at his underwear, then back at you. 

You arch an eyebrow, unfazed. 

“Depends.” You shrug. “Do you want to keep them? Because I really will rip them off of you.”

He concedes quickly; he always does. Sighing, he shakes his head and tuts, “Sex-crazed monster,” before pushing his briefs down his thighs. His length hangs heavy between you, but you swear you can feel its perfect ache inside you already.

You have a one-track mind, so you don’t hesitate to reach out and wrap your hand around him. A groan crawls up from the bottom of your chest when you feel the weighted warmth of his cock in your palm. You don’t hold that back, either.

“Fuck,” he sighs, head tilting as far backwards as it’ll go. Unexpectedly, he laughs. He doesn’t catch the quizzical look you shoot him, though he explains himself anyway, “Your hands are so fucking cold, but it feels so good.”

Swiping your thumb over his tip, you spread the pre-cum you find there down his shaft and stroke him slowly. He grows harder with every gentle squeeze, every pass of your fist. 

“We’re learning a lot of new shit about each other today.” You lean forward to pepper kisses across his collarbones. The hum of your mouth against his skin when you talk makes his cock twitch in your hand. “You might have a temperature kink and a thing for Winnie the Pooh.”

He snorts, nowhere near serious, “Shut the fuck up.”

“Make me,” you counter smugly, and you do mean it.

Vernon tilts his head forward to stare back at you. You’re already turning into a puddle, but if the look he gives you says anything, it’s that your melting isn’t enough for him. His voice is low and velvet-lined when he responds, “How about I just make you cum instead?”

“That could work, yeah.” You shrug.

He runs the pads of his fingers down each side of your waist to your hips, then back again; and each time he does it, you shiver. Reflexively, your back arches, chest pressing against his.

At this, he smirks, “It could? Maybe?”

“We can workshop it.”

“Or,” Vernon so generously offers, “You can turn around and lay down on your stomach. You know, if that’s sufficient.”

It’s not until you whip around and flop down onto the towel that you realize you never responded with words. Oh well. You figure he gets the point, judging by the quiet laughter you hear as he settles with his knees on either side of your upper thighs.

You don’t know what his next move will be — you don’t care, either, as long as he moves in your direction — so you don’t anticipate his palms flattening against your bare back, applying perfect pressure with his thumbs while he rubs away the soreness at the very base of your torso.

“Oh, shit,” you moan, eyes fluttering shut as the heels of his hands work out the tension in your muscles. “Have you always been good at this?”

You feel his chest brush against your shoulder blades when he hovers over you. Against the nape of your neck, he murmurs, “Nope.”

He kisses down your spine, mouth trailing after his hands as they work their way back down your body.

“Lemme guess — you read an article? Studied up?”

You get a snicker, then an affirmative hum, then another kiss. This time, it’s at the curve of your spine, just above your ass. Seconds later, he’s kneading the doughy flesh of your cheeks until your whole fucking body tingles.

That’s when it hits you:

Under normal circumstances, Vernon would be face-first in your pussy by now. Devouring you in earnest, like he’s starving. He can’t do that now — and you don’t blame him — so he’s making up for what you both view as a loss.

God, you want him.

One hand disappears from you, but you don’t have to guess where it went. You can hear the barely-there hiss of breath through his teeth when he takes his cock in that hand; as well as the very faint shift of his palm while he pumps himself.

“You’re gonna have to navigate, baby. I dunno how sensitive you are like this, what’s too much — any of that, so you need to tell me how you want me to move.”

Suddenly dizzy over how badly you need him, all you can muster is a nod. Vernon must want a verbal acknowledgment, though, because he leans back over you with one hand bearing his weight beside your head.

He kisses your shoulder and urges you, “Please say so if you need to stop or switch it up. Don’t wanna hurt you, sweetheart.”

“I will,” you breathe. “But I can’t even articulate how much I need you inside of me right now, so please — pretty please — fuck me.”

The tip of his nose bumps your temple affectionately. Right beside your ear, he teases, “With a cherry on top?” And it vibrates down your whole goddamn spine.

“Vernon!” You whine, burying your face in the comforter. It’s muffled, but you warn him nonetheless, “Don’t make me come back there.”

“Aish. Calm down, sex monster.”

The instinct to twist around and glare at him over your shoulder is strong, but every feral urge you feel is stronger. So, when he tells you to spread yourself open for him and tilt your hips back, you do so without even a hint of complaining.

With the crown of his cock slipping through your folds, inching towards your entrance, you hear him curse under his breath. Suddenly self-conscious, you finally crane your neck to the side and glance back at him. 

“We don’t have to,” you whisper. “If it’s gross and you don’t want to anymore, I get it —”

He balks at your suggestion without letting so much as a beat pass. “None of that, sweetheart; no spiraling. I’m just trying to figure out the logistics of, like… how to survive how good this already feels.”

Struck dumb, all you can muster is a peep, “Oh?”

“Shit, yeah.” His response comes in a low groan. “Can you take a deep breath for me?”

It’s a good call on his part, a suggestion you’re glad to have taken, because the pressure of him entering you is intense enough to knock the wind out of you. Empty lungs likely would’ve led to your untimely demise.

You whimper, already overwhelmed with the combination of pain and pleasure; the best kind of ache. The little, breathy moans must freak him out, however, because his fingertips caress your waist as he checks in: “This okay?”

Your limp arm lifts off the mattress, which you’ve melted fully into, and you form a circle with your index finger and thumb to indicate that you’re okay. The light is bright fucking green; you’ve just maxed out your capacity for speech.

Vernon continues his slow thrust forward, giving you ample time to adjust to his size.

“Oh my god,” he grunts, “This is — shit, I can’t believe we haven’t done this before. If I knew how good you’d feel like this, I wouldn’t have waited around for you to ask me.”

That hits like a truck.

He was waiting on you. 

You spent months convincing yourself that he’d need to be convinced, and chickening out before you could raise the idea. Months, and months, and months, of craving him during your werewolf transformation; wasting away over a shitty assumption that Vernon is anything like the people you’ve been with before. 

Christ. 

His credit for putting up with you is long overdue.

Too tongue-tied to speak any of that out loud, you settle for a summary that you hope conveys the message: “I love you so fucking much.”

Mindful of how deep it will push him into your cunt, he leans down over you carefully. Weight balanced on his knees and forearms, he envelopes you in his body heat, trails kisses across your shoulder, and echoes your words back at you between each one.

“Is this too much?” He whispers, rolling his hips slowly.

You feel him everywhere, with every drag of his cock along your walls; and you can’t tell where that throbbing sensation is coming from, him or you. 

You shake your head and sigh, “‘s perfect. You’re perfect.”

Like he knows it’ll unravel you, his large hand comes to rest over the back of yours. His fingers slip through the spaces between and squeeze you much more gently than the vice grip you hold on the bedding below you. He keeps holding you — just like this — through every movement.

The sensation of being this surrounded, this loved, this whole crashes over you like a wave and knocks you off balance.

“I’m so close,” you pant, voice as ragged as your breathing. There’s nothing that he isn’t already giving you with every deep, deliberate thrust into your heat; but you beg nonetheless, “Please, please, please —”

His speed doesn’t increase, but the intensity does. The smack of his hips colliding with your ass does, too, and you feel it reverberating in your bones. Buried as far inside of you as he can be, cock tip kissing your cervix with every high tide, length rolling across your g-spot with every low.

You cum so hard — so completely, invoking every single muscle you have — that you forget how to breathe. With a choked-out gasp, you squeeze your eyes shut and let your orgasm devastate you. 

“Fuck!”

Vernon gets caught up in the current, too, grinding desperately against you until he’s swept up in your wake. You feel him twitch inside you as his release floods, leaving you so lost in his warmth that you feel boneless underneath him.

His face winds up hidden in the crook of your neck, somewhere amidst the baby hairs that cling to the sheen of your sweat. You feel his lips fluttering against your skin when he laughs, “Oh…my god.”

“Mmphf.” You nod weakly in agreement. Beyond blissed, your body still tingles too much to move.

Slurring, you add, “‘s good. ‘s really…”

The rest of that thought dissolves into something between a moan and a yawn.

Just as tired, Vernon pats your ass cheek affectionately and mumbles, “Well said. No notes.”

You tilt your head far enough to free your face from the sheets. When you do, you find your boyfriend fighting a losing battle to keep his eyes open. In the rare seconds he can, he looks back at you in a daze that seems even more adoring than it does fuck-drunk.

“I think I need to hibernate now,” you announce. “Think you just fucked me so well that I need to take a sabbatical.”

He counter-offers, “Shower first, then sabbatical?”

You wiggle so that you can pull your joint hands to your mouth. You can’t kiss him properly while he’s laid out on top of you, but you can press your lips to the back of his hand and hope he feels how much of you that you pour into it.

“Okay, but, like…. who’s carrying who?”

[hematomes]

The 'I' part is in relation to the Story quest (or Kreideprinz event, I am not quite sure which one of the two it was since I played them both pretty much at the same time when they were released LMAO), he speaks of himself losing control and destroying Mondstadt and everything around it.

Sure, he knew of the other creations, but if they were the ones to destroy Mondstadt (which I don't think is Subject 2s plan, I think Subject 2 just,,, wants to take his place, cause this is the only way he knows how to get peoples approval, something he clearly didn't get from his creator), I don't think Albedo would have spoken about the one to destroy Mondstadt with 'I'

I'm not saying he won't ever die, I am pretty sure he will, but given his connection to Khaenri'ah, his general understanding of many things, and the hints at him destroying Mondstadt and causing a downfall it would be a rather unwise storytelling decision to kill him off a) this early and b) behind the scenes. Especially if we will, most likely, have to wait a year, because the shock will eventually fade away and enough people will have anticipated it to be unphased by the reveal.

If they were to kill him off, I think that, from the foreshadowing, it will have to be the traveler (or perhaps his creator? Though there is currently no evidence for that, at least none that I have found) and look at what they did to La Signora. If they want to shock you, they will show you.

So yeah, I do think Albedo will eventually die, but him being dead right now already seems like a bad decision in regards of writing. Sure it could be a dramatic reveal in a year or so, but enough people will have picked it apart to know already. So far, I think Mihoyo is just messing with our heads, trying to prepare us for something that will come over time, they want us to be wary of him, to make us unsure whether or not this is Albedo or Subject 2, but currently I am quite certain that both are alive

the reason he could have talked abt primordial as himself is because, as you said, primordial wants to take his place; without this event, the traveler wouldn't have known there were several albedos, so he could have been careful about it and warned us without giving too much info - aka revealing there are several albedos and one of them could go berserk.

while primordial's goal is indeed to replace the albedo we know, the reason it was discarded is because gold wasn't satisfied with it. plus it is tightly related to durin and could've been corrupted by durin's heart - idk if our albedo could too rn, my brain isn't functioning correctly enough to check it out. so basically i do see primordial as an unstable version of albedo, and one able to either destroy mondstadt or create another thing resembling fellflower - which almost destroyed us and would've probably gone on a rampage if we had lost against it

im not saying either that albedo was killed off and we will learn abt it in a lukewarm, vague way bc as you said that would be poorly written. but the reason i think he's dead is precisely because of the cliffhanger. they won't kill him in an event, but they can hint his death - and they have, in a way, by making us doubt

we also have to take into account that new players/those who haven't played the event will only have the quote about destroying mondstadt, and won't be aware of the 2 other subjects. so there will be some kind of difference in the next quest, just like the difference in scaramouche's dialogue in the 2.1 archon quest. it would be more interesting imo if the current albedo is the primordial, even if albedo's isn't actually dead.

because otherwise the whole cliffhanger is useless, and that would just be as disappointing as albedo dying offscreen. why generate that kind of doubt if they just don't plan on using it again? so yeah imo it's not our albedo, but either he's not dead yet, or in his next quest we'll find his corpse somehow (or at least albedo, preserved by durin's heart but unconscious? idk) and will have to fight primordial

[smol-grey-tea]

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

[friiday-thirteenth]

Lots of numbers this time :D

9, 19, 30, 42, 46, 50, 56, 65, 79, 84, 96, 98!

many numbers much questions

9 - what do you/did you study?

haven't branched off into ncea subjects yet bc im yr 10 but rn I'm doing English, maths, social science, physical education, science, religious studies, engineering, and design and visual communication.

I want to study pure mathematics, engineering, astrophysics, philosophy, English (like. idk what branch tho), art history, pe, pol sci, and history in general + Latin. like. capitalism is rlly fucking me over rn.

19 - do u prefer serious/meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

OK look im like 15 i can't rlly legally do a one night stand but uhh serious n meaningful ones. casual dating would be fine but like.... idk tho let's see what happens when im older

30 - any cool places in your area?

oh fuck yeah! we've got one beach which is great for swimming n has a pontoon with a slide into the water on it which is rlly fun in the summer, plus another thats great for surfing, and then you've got the forest area in the middle of the suburbs that's absolutely brilliant for biking and walking but also like. don't go there in the dark.

i rlly like where I live if u cant tell lmao

42 - what do u daydream abt?

shit that I wanna write. rn its abt the logistics of ppl with wings + angst abt them and then there's also three or so different fanfictions bouncing around up in my head

and then there's just the, "what if" irl scenarios up there too

46 - the most dangerous thing you've done?

climbing limestone cliffs that were quite literally crumbling with no safety equipment. I've done it multiple times. the adrenaline + the view to the beach was great tho.

50 - favourite colour to wear?

black n blue bc black is like, all my shorts and half my shirts, and blue bc all the rest of my shirts are blue + my good blue sweatshirt.

56 - favourite aesthetic?

fuck bro idk punk academia? bc like, punk, but also learning.

65 - do you like karaoke?

yes. hell yes. the lack of shame I have in regards to my shitty singing. God, belting out hamilton incredibly loudly with ur friend in the car is amazing.

79 - how much time do u spend on the internet?

in the holidays? far too much. school week? the time spent on it at school makes me hate electronics so goddamn much I debate regularly whether or not to just throw them out the window. the majority of time spent on them in the school week is literally me redoing assignments bc I am a perfectionist who hates myself.

84 - favourite holiday?

I hate holidays. I know, it's a sin. Halloween maybe? bc yes?

96 - be a hero or a villain?

villain. heroes always end up being morally complicated or dying bc they didn't just shoot the villain in the head. I'd shoot the hero in the head.

unless they were hot or smart.

98 - shape-shifting or controlling time?

......ffffuck. okay. look. let's be technical here.

what shapes are we referring to in the shape-shifting? the shape of the self? the shape of time? the shape of other things? the shape of water?

and shifting - that is an interesting choice of word. shifting, or manipulation? by the general definition of shape-shifting, it could be classified as manipulation as well - therefore, the generality in the definition of shape-shifting that you've given me has resulted in me having both the ability to successfully shape-shift in the most well-known definition of the term as well as manipulate time.

so I'd choose shape-shifting.

[sqwood-tentl]

15 question game

@srirachafilledbees ty i love these

nickname: anoosoo, a knee sa, patrick

zodiac: aquarious 

height: gnome (4′11)

last thing I googled: "parse int char java”  for comp sci hw 

song stuck in my head: Kocci Muite Baby - Ryo/ Supercell/ Miku

number of followers: 285? fairly certain 98% of them are bots lol

hours of sleep: idrg what this is asking. on avg i probably sleep abt 6 hrs. But ive noticed if i dont have an alarm i will sleep p much until the clock is the same number lol. example: when i go to bed at 2 am i wake up at 2 pm, if i go to bed at 4 am ill probably wake up abt 3:30pm. and then i get tired all day it sucks >:0

lucky number: 2 bc my birthday is 2/2/2002 

favorite song: too many/changes too often. Rn its probably Kocci Muite Baby or Stuff That I Like - Bomb the Music Industry  

favorite instrument: i play flute so ofc that is my #1 (for rn). But i also love the sound of violin and other bowed strings. And i rlly like deeeeep sounding things where u can almost feel it, so also bass and cello. And drums are in a category of their own. listening to drums isnt even like listening to music its an experience. i wanna learn how to play drums.

dream job:  i have many interests, and hobbies, and interests i want to turn into hobbies but am too broke for. I feel like if i became skilled enough in any one of them to make a living from it, while also being able to maintain a good work-life-balance, id be cool w that. The bar is set so low but somehow still seems impossible. fuck capitalism.

aesthetic:   i was very into the ocean/nautical aesthetic until abt 2015, then i was SUPER into forest/cottage in the woods aesthetic (and still am), i guess today would fall under “cottage core” but i have some arguments about that. [I could probably write an entire essay on this but this is the extremely cut down version: From what i perceive from the main apps i use, instagram, youtube and tiktok, it seems like there was a huge rise in popularity in cottage core aesthetic starting about Dec 2019. My main problem is, my own definition of what cottage core matched with what i saw online up until this big boom of cottagecore, and now it seems like what i think is *not* cottagecore is being called cottage core. But with something as conceptual and subjective as an aesthetic, it is really defined person to person, based on everyones own opinions and experiences and way of categorizing things. Plus language is defined by its speakers, so technically, the general definition of cottage core will always be whatever the majority of people define it as, at the time of definition. What i think happened is, when it got really popular, the range of what “fits” into cottage core widened alot, so while my aesthetic still falls under cottage core, it may fit better in a subcategory (a recent necessity) or entirely differently named aesthetic. Either that, or it was never cottagecore in the first place. again this is based on the content i see from the couple apps i primarily use, which is really only a sliver of all the cottagecore content there is]. My other aesthetic is dirty feral subway rat eating pizza under an incoming train and chainlink fence at 5pm in october No i will not elaborate.

favorite author: i cannot remember the last time i read a book that didnt eventually cause me too much stress to remember anything positive about it or the author

favorite animal noise: my husky when he go OOWWWWRRROOOOOOOO

random: I have synesthesia and alot of ppl with synesthesia say its helpful but i think mine hurts more than it helps lol. also, unrelated, i used to want to be a sniper. 

(idk who to tag. anyone can do it but if u do, tag me in it i like reading these :)