#with respect to both is suddenly irrelevant. and as an online person who was an insane teen girl at the time I am Going to kill them.

[corvuscorona]

in related news I've been listening to the "homestuck made this world" podcast & really enjoying it for the Forums Guy Context it provides especially, but for whatever reason about 13 episodes in these dudes jump voluntarily off the "it's bad when fucked up things get written and the author doesn't unambiguously word-of-god condemn them" cliff & I genuinely do not understand what happened there.

they clearly understand that the trolls are all written schrodinger's bad-faith-wise on purpose. they understand the work's relationship with irony & ambiguous intentionality on a broad level. why did "aradia rips out the mind control chip a gross guy installed in her robot body, then does the thing he wanted her to do anyway" completely break their brains? how is it so difficult to understand the "would that be fucked up or what" principle suddenly.

I'm usually the first in line to launch Some Guy into the sun for writing about fucked up shit happening to women for no reason & like yeah yeah "this character has agency! see?? she did that on purpose" is not even slightly a defense, but the lens homestuck uses for that kind of thing is interesting to me & they are straight up refusing to engage. as a 16 year old or whatever, I thought that shit was siiiiick!! I cannot think of a single other Media that portrayed women being THAT insane THAT matter-of-factly in front of me in that general time period & it had EXTREME allure in the same way that, say, extremely dark fanfiction or roleplay did.

to tell me that writing it that way was blanket-policy incorrect without so much as acknowledging what might be considered badass about it by the little chuuni freaks and internet people the work is VERY OBVIOUSLY catering to on purpose constitutes not only cowardice but also a highly disappointing abandonment of ur self-appointed duty as Text Analyzers. so what is your podcast even about, then!!!

[princessofprocrastination]

request because i adore the way you write angst to fluff, but maybe a just the reader and cc (whoever you prefer) getting into an argument, voices are raised or regretful things are said and cc has to fight to win back reader? idk just an idea for writers block!

have a good day :)

You’re Leaving Me (Sapnap)

this story fast forwards to the future a little, getting after 2021!

pairing : sapnap x fem!reader

summary : voices were raised when you were concerned about where you relationship is going. all this just to know if you were going to be in his future. was it worth the argument?

a/n : dude i fucking love you for sending this request. this def helped me :))))

"when are you coming back?" you asked your boyfriend of 3 years now.

he shrugged his shoulders. "i didn't think that far yet." he told you, eyes not meeting yours, busy packing his suitcase.

"what?" your voice slightly raised. you flinched at your own tone. "you mean to tell me you bought a one-way ticket to florida and didn't think about coming home?"

"i'll come home, just don't know when." he tells you, glancing at you to see your reaction.

okay, let's back track. sapnap, and you met at a dinner your mom hosted. her colleague, sapnap’s mom and her got close and shared some personal family details, one of which being that they had a kid, both around the same age, addicted to their electronics.

both moms hadn't thought that you two would get so close, you being uncomfortable in meeting new people, and him being socially awkward.

but, not even a while later, you two were inseparable and soon started dating.

and now, that boyfriend that you were once attached to the hip to had just told you that he had bought a ticket to florida to visit his friend, dream, and didn't have a ticket back.

you had nothing against dream, you two had spoken a while back in a light-hearted conversation, exchanging a couple of jokes here and there.

"you were the one who told me to visit him." sapnap tells you, exasperated.

yes, you had been the one to encourage him to go to florida. it would be good for him to have a change of scenery. you told him to think of it like a mini vacation, the borders finally opening again. you thought it was a great idea.

but you hadn't thought he wouldn't come back for a while. that's not what you wanted, at all.

"yes, i did, but i wanted you to come back after like 2 weeks." your hands brought to your face to ease the headache you suddenly got.

"you're being stupid." your boyfriend tells you.

you drop your hands to your lap, a small slap sound emitted from the action. "i'm being stupid? all i want is you to have a break. a short break, and then come back." you told him honestly. you were tired of the argument at this point.

"and what i want is to stay with my best friend for a while. stop being selfish." he scoffs.

you stayed quiet, trying to reorganise your thoughts before the argument turns big for no reason.

the air turns more tense by the minute. the quiet turns eerie at one point, the only sounds are you two breathing.

to be honest, you couldn't remember how you two got here. how it got this bad. but as you thought this situation is bad, it got worse. and it had been because of the next question you asked.

"where are we going with this?" you finally say something- well, more like asked. "this relationship, where are we going with it?"

you heard his breath hitch, albeit quiet, you still heard it. "what?" he scoffs once again.

"you're leaving me, for god knows how long, so i'm asking, where is this going?" you were done with questioning yourself everyday. this conversation had been way too long overdue.

and if the two of you were going to argue, might as well argue about something else, too. and something that was important. 

“this is irrelevant.” he tells you, continuing to pack his suitcase on the floor. you look down at him, you being sat on his bed and him being on the floor, legs crossed, folding his clothes. 

“no, it’s not.” you tell him, this time more seriously. you were sick and tired of being asked what is going to be your next move, being 20 and had been dating for a while. 

some would say you two are too young to take the next step in anything, or even have this conversation, but you and him had always taken the express train in things. 

“i just want answers.” you sighed. “you could come back next week, next month, hell, even next year. and i just want to know where this is going.” you pulled your legs to cross them on his bed. 

“i’m not leaving you, i’m coming back to you, all i’m doing is going to meet my best friend.” his tone more serious now. 

“which means you’re leaving me. and i’m terrified.” you told him, seriously. “we’ve been together for 3 years, since we were in highschool.”

“it’s only been 3 years.” he laughed. “what’s the rush.” 

“we’re both working. sure, we’re both taking online classes, but, what’s not to rush about?” you say. 

“you’re being ridiculous.” he rolls his eyes at your last statement. 

okay, you might be exaggerating. but you weren’t telling him to get hitched, you were asking him what comes after this? moving in together? 

“i just want to know what happens after this, after you leave.” your shoulders slumped down, you knew he was going to get mad soon, his temper already rising. 

“for god’s sake, i’m not leaving you. i will come back, i just don’t know when.” he screams. “stop fucking asking, i’m getting a headache.” 

your eyes widen slightly. no, you didn’t flinch. you knew this would happen, anyways. 

“all i want to know is what’s in for the both of us. give me something to hold on to after you leave for florida.” your voice small, yet still pushing for an answer. 

“oh my fucking god.” he says, his voice full of malice, which made your goosebumps rise. “i don’t want to marry you, what part of that do you not understand.” he raises his voice slightly towards the end of his sentence. 

“do you get it now, my silence. i don’t want you to move in with me, i don’t want to propose, i don’t want to marry you. i don’t want kids with you.” he finally looks you in the eye.

the air turned tense once again as you became quiet. 

“yeah, i get it.” you finally speak up. 

you took your phone and stood up from your position from his bed and went near him on the floor.

“thank you for being honest to me.” you bent down to him, giving him a last kiss on the cheek.

you walked to his bedroom door to walk out before glancing at him one last time. “i love you.” you told him for the last time. 

you wanted to let him know that you didn’t leave because you lost feelings, but more like because having a more serious relationship is not what he had wanted, and you respected it. 

you took your bag from the couch outside, telling his mom that you were going to go home, giving her a kiss on the cheek and thanking her for the dinner you made for you earlier. that was probably the last time you’d talk to her, too. 

sapnap was still seated on the floor, hand in the air, holding a piece of clothing he was meant to fold before you kissed him on the cheek. 

he knew what it meant. the kiss, and the “i love you.” 

and that terrified him. what did he just do?

- 

fast forward to more than a year later, you were thriving, if you said so yourself. 

you quit your job, deciding to finish your  double major in college before starting to work again. you took in as many classes as possible, during the summer and winter breaks and extra classes to graduate as early as possible. 

after that eventful day, you spilled everything to your mom. you sobbed on her shoulders. she comforted you through the entirety of your breakdowns. 

she was one to thank of your success now. 

she cried when you graduated, being the most proud of you for finally finishing college and being able to do what you love. 

with that double major, you only decided to be a flight attendant. always wanted to be one, you were happy to hear back from one of the most prestigious airlines in the world.

and now, you were happy and healthy again. 

and here you are now, sitting at a table, with your parents and your ex boyfriend’s parents. 

at first when you met his mom again after he had left for florida, it was awkward and weird. you didn’t know if she knew if he had even told him. 

but she assured you that she knew and to not feel uncomfortable with her just because of her son. and with that information, you started talking to her again comfortably. 

- 

‘fuck, i’m nervous.” he told his tall friend. 

his friend chuckles. “you’ll be just fine.” he assures his texan friend. 

the taller man looks out into the restaurant booth that the two families were sitting at to peek. “holy fuck.” he lets out. 

“what? what?” the shorter man in a suit asks repeatedly in panic. 

“man, she was hot before but she is smokin’ now.” the floridian says. “i hope you mess up, now.” he jokes. 

“shut up, dude.” the texan says, now more nervous. he had seen a couple photos of you that his mom sent him and his friend was right, you did get more attractive, and he didn’t even think that was possible, given how already beautiful you were from a year ago. 

“this is a bad idea.” sapnap says after a while of silence. 

his tall friend turns to him. “what are you talking about? no, it isn’t. you’ve thought about this for over a year now.” he says to his friend as assurance. 

“yeah but she won’t just take me back.” he sighs out. “it has been over a year. i just left her.” 

the two fell into a comfortable silence, both not knowing what else to say. dream knew better than to say anything, he learnt to let his friend let it all out. 

“that last kiss, that last ‘i love you’, plays in my head over and over again from the day she left my house.” sapnap says after a while. he needed to let out his frustration about himself one last time to gain the balls to talk to you again. 

“and as much as i regretted screaming at her, telling her i didn’t want to have a life with her, i let her go. i tensed up and stayed on the floor and i let her go.” he continues. 

“and almost 2 years later, i just come back? what kind of person does that to a woman so perfect? all she wanted to know was if she was in my future, like how i was in hers.” the texan 22 year old finishes. 

his shoulders slumped lower than before before stretching his tense muscles and giving himself a pep talk in his head to go talk to you. 

dream glanced at his obviously nervous friend. “again, you’ll be just fine.” he says to the man fiddling with a red box.

“she’ll say no.” sapnap says, exasperated, trying to understand why he’s here again.

“with your charming looks? no chance.” the tall man jokes light-heartedly. “look, we both know you thought about this for a long time now, and now is not the time to back off from it. you spent a lot of money and effort for this. now what’s left for you to do is ask.” he says. 

“right, right. just ask.” he mutters to himself. he prayed silently to all the gods above that he got the private booth instead of one in the middle of the restaurant. he wouldn’t want you to feel obliged to accept him just because you don’t want him to feel embarrassed. 

he walks out of his hiding spot, not before dream giving him a comforting pat on the back. 

he fiddles with the box in his hands before putting it back into his suit pocket to hide it. 

the closer he gets to you, the more he gets to see how much you’ve changed. you looked elegant in your dress, in his favourite shade of red. you looked collected and mature. 

“okay, here i go.” he told himself before approaching your table. 

“hey.” he said slowly and quietly, hoping he didn’t startle you but loud enough that you heard him so he didn’t need to repeat himself. 

he could see his mom and yours giving him the biggest smiles or assurance. of course both your parents knew. he needed to ask for permission, anyways. they were supportive of him, but ultimately, it’s up to you. 

his breath hitched as you turn your head to look at him, wondering how greeted the table. 

“she’s even more beautiful in real life.” he thought to himself. 

you were sipping on champagne when you heard someone greet you. as you turn and put the glass down, you were shocked to see your ex boyfriend. 

a more attractive version of your ex boyfriend. 

his face more mature, the suit he was wearing fit perfectly on his body. but you could still see how tired he looked. his sunken eyes were too obvious for you to ignore. 

the table grew tired. you glanced at your family, trying to see if they knew this was happening, if are just as confused as you are. 

but they were smiling. sly jerks. 

you turn back to the man you haven’t seen since that day you left his house. 

“i know, this is shocking to you. we haven’t seen each in almost 2 years.” he starts saying. “and i know i have no right to be here after i let go of you.” he sighs. 

“but ever since that day, i have been kicking myself for being so stupid to even think that i could live without you even for another second.” 

you open your mouth to say something before he cuts you off before you could even utter a word. 

“i know, i still left for florida and i still stayed there for a long time. i didn’t even call, i didn’t text. and i feel terrible.” he comes closer to you. 

“i said terrible things to you, when all you wanted to know was what i had in store for the both of us in the future. all you wanted was something to hold on to until i came back to texas to you.” he says, eyes teary. “i got to see you grow to be a more wonderful and smart woman over the year, thanks to my mom for sending me your updates.” 

“and i see that you’re great without me. you have this amazing job and amazing friends and an amazing family who supports you through whatever you want to do.” he tells you, looking you in the eye. he looked extremely nervous, hands shaking as he goes to take your hands into his. 

you stayed sat down, not knowing what to say. and at some point, you didn’t know when, you started crying silently, slow tears going down your cheeks. 

you took one of your hands away from his to wipe away the tear before holding his hand again. this gave him a little bit of hope for the next thing he was going to do. 

“and i know this is late, but i do want you to be in my future. but i just hope there is still space in yours for me to be in.” he kneels down on one knee as he finishes. 

you tense up, eyes widened. slowly, your mouth opened and you took your hands to cover it. this is definitely not what you had expected to happen today. 

you look at him as he reaches in his suit pocket to take out an elegant looking red box, with pretty gold swirls on the top. he opens the box for you to see the prettiest ring you’ve ever seen. 

the ring that you’ve saved multiple times on your pinterest board. the ring you’ve told your mom you fell in love with. 

the ring of your dreams. 

“so i guess this is when i ask the question.” he inhales through his mouth and exhales out of his nose. his hands start to shake as he holds the box. 

“will you marry me?” he finally asks the question. your eyes staring into his, tears still flowing, but you don’t bother to wipe away. 

“um. you can say no, i’m sorry if this was too invasi-” he talks but is cut off by you. 

“yes.” you say once, still not believing that this was happening. he looks at you to make sure he heard it right. 

“say that again.” he says quietly. 

“yes, i’ll marry you.” you tell him before he smiles brightly. he takes the ring out of the box and takes your left hand, sliding it on your bare finger. 

he admires the glimmer of the ring under the restaurant lights and the ring being on your finger before he kisses your hand and takes you into his embrace. he gives you a tight squeeze before pulling you back to finally give you a kiss on the lips. 

“fucking finally.” you heard a familiar voice say. 

“shut up, dream.” you heard your now fiancé, say, not looking at him but still looking at you with his dreamy eyes and the dreamy look he has on his face. 

you heard applaud going on in the restaurant as the people in the start to notice the romantic atmosphere. 

sapnap stands up and pulls you up to stand with him as he hug your tight once again, this time staying that way for a while to busk in your scent that he had missed so much. 

after a while, the two of you detach and hug your families. you notice the tall man in a classy white button up and black pants and shiny shoes standing there. 

you give him a hug before talking. “nice to finally meet you, dream.” you say to him. 

“alright cuties, let’s take pictures of you and that beautiful ring.” your mom says. 

to which you remembered about the ring. you look down at your hands, admiring it for a while before turning to sapnap.

“you are so sneaky.” you told him. 

“i know. tell me i did good.” he tells you before pulling you in by your waist. 

“you did amazing.” you say before kissing him on the cheek. 

“i love you.” he says to you before kissing your forehead and turning to look at the camera when your mom called for another pose. 

what a day. 

[newlyy]

Not gonna lie I've been in a gorltube hole myself the past few weeks and I feel so guilty but I can't stop watching reaction channels

Do you watch the YouTube underground? I’ve recently gotten back into her and I find her voice so comforting lol. I mainly watch her and kickinggeese, who introduced me to the gorl universe.

I think both Chantal and Amber Lynn are selfish and unlikable, like it’s not purely their weight that people are reacting to (but that’s not irrelevant like a lot of reaction channels claim), but I do feel embarrassed about watching it because it’s just catty gossip. I do be enjoying it though.

Have you heard of/do you watch omegon? I’ve never watched him before, but I’ve been watching his recap of Chantal for 2022 and the post I was going to make is about how he’s a really classic edgelord, egotistical guy who doesn’t show his face on YouTube and instead makes those videos speaking through his “cool” alter ego cartoon character. He’s also got this superiority complex around the Haters (tm), and calls them cringe and apparently views himself as above them as though he’s not also just a catty guy covering YouTube drama (like he tries to elevate what he does. He wants to view himself as an idubbz type character). But anyway, in his Chantal review, he mentions peetz trying to figure out his gender identity (which, peetz coming out as a tim would be SO fucking typical, what with him being an unemployed “failed” man—I also remember one time Chantal mentioned he was arguing with “transphobes” online, which I know were probably “terfs” though I doubt Chantal knows that word). And omegon just quickly says “gender identity is something really personal and I don’t feel right commenting on it” or something like that and it’s like what we always say about men sticking with other men, even when they’re trooning out, and how this omegron guy can make fun of snowflakes and have all his edgy little family guy opinions but when it comes to fellow men’s gender identities he’s suddenly respectful. Sorry that was a lot I know no one else, on or offline, that watches the gorls. Message me any time to talk about them lol

[cthomashoodstory]

Best Years but Not in the Same Way (26)

Calum Hood x Reader

Previous Part

Hi I’m back again after this long time, i hope u guys still waiting for this story!!! I’m so excited wrote this part and next part!!! Enjoy guys!

Disclaimer: english isn’t my first language so… you know.

Masterlist

-

Since the surprise announcement you made with Calum earlier, the paparazzi went crazy (again). They always came whenever you went out somewhere, they followed you everywhere you go, especially you didn’t own any vehicles and you always counted on online taxi.

Suddenly, your life is being a highlight of the year again. Like, the ex of famous male singer has moved on and dating her fellow bestfriend. It suck to be famous and everyone’s eyes are all over you.

They keep asking the same question over and over; are you still in touch with Justin? Did Justin knew you’re dating? How’s Justin’s reaction? Are they dumb? You hadn’t contacted him since the break up and they knew exactly You avoided him, you avoided every questions related to him. You didn’t even care about him anymore.

And yet they really had a nerve to asked that just only for a headline.

As you were predict before, few paps been outside the studio building you were came to. You went inside with an extra effort because they really blocking your way in.

As usual petty questions came out from their mouths while took pictures of me and Calum. But we really ignored it like what’s the point if i or Calum answered their questions? It would caused a world war three. Lol.

After we got inside the building, we walked to the studio room and we meet our fellow friends Ashton, Luke, Michael. And you realized there were your other songwriting friends like Andrew Watt, Ryan Tedder, Louis Bell, Ali Tamposi, and Charlie Puth.

“Hey Palvin,” Charlie looking you confused when he saw you and Calum holding hands. “Oh i forgot. Congrats for you both.” He got up and you hugged him.

“Thanks.” You said to Charlie. “So…,” you said it while looked at them one by one as a sign for them to explain to you their project.

Then Ryan Tedder explained to you. “Oh, we wrote lyrics and Charlie and Andrew are making the beat and i called Luke immediately because i felt this song is really suits them.”

You nodded and Charlie showed you the demo that finished days ago.

“So what do you think?” Andrew asked you after the song played. “It’s pretty sick to be honest.”

You nodded at his comment. “Yes, i love it so much. It’s very thrilling and i can’t wait for the final release.” You were very excited because the moment Charlie played the demo, you really fall in love to the beat and also Luke’s voice really matched the whole song.

After hours staying on the studio, mostly joking around with friends, then we shared our thoughts about music industry, producing, lyrics and all related to music, you and Calum decided to went home.

As you walked out of the building, paps swarmed you and Calum.

“Hey Saara, what’s the thing you did at the studio?”

“How was your day, Calum?”

“You two looks good together.”

“Any new project for 5sos?”

You looked at Calum, his face was straight and ignored all of the questions. And we kept walking to the parking lot.

“Is your relationship and Justin good?”

“Any comment about Justin’s marriage?”

“Are you jealous of her past relationship with Justin Bieber?”

The moment you heard the last question, you stopped walking and Calum immediately stopped too because he was confused why you stopped.

“Can you please, for once in your lifetime, be respectful to my boyfriend? He’s literally stood beside me and all you care was asking me irrelevant questions? Please. I don’t care if you all raining me with ex questions, but when I’m with him, you better be asked about us or shut your damn mouth.” You walked faster than before so you and Calum could arrived to the car and get away from them.

After we arrived at the car, we left the parking lot back to your apartment.

“Wow, what was that about? You’ve been such a badass.” He started the conversation.

You chuckled. “Those people need to be shut. I’m honestly tired with all those questions.”

“So what do you think about our new upcoming single?” He asked you as a distraction of this situation.

“I love it already. It’s so amazing, Luke’s voice is so matched to the lyric, and the bass line, i can imagine you performing with that cool bass line.” You gave him a positive comment because you knew that song would be a hit even you only heard the demo.

-

“Hi sister,” Mali greeted you when you answered her facetime call.

After Calum drove you off to your apartment, you immediately opened your laptop and get ready to have a virtual ‘meeting’ with Mali because today is the schedule for you and her to discuss her new upcoming single. She asked you for a help and you felt so honored to be a part of her project.

You waved to her through the web camere. “Hi Mali, how you doing?” You were so excited to talk to her even though you texted her everyday.

“I’m fine, what about you?” She asked you back while she sipped her drink.

“I’m good. Wait, why your room is so dark? Oh my God I’m so sorry I forgot, timezone.” You giggled. “So it’s midnight there? OMG Mali, I’m so sorry, we supposed to FaceTime at your local time, not mine.”

Then she laughed. “Don’t say sorry, sister. I’m the one who needs your help. Don’t worry, i took my coffee since hours ago.” She raised her glass. “How’s you and Calum? Everything’s good?”

You smile and nodded. “Yes. We’re good.” “Thank you… for always supporting me.”

“I’ve always liked you since the first time we met back in 2014. You were so kind, friendly, smart and i knew that you’re a good person. I knew that you’re the right person for my brother and i will always support you till the end of time. Past is just a past and we have to left it behind and move on to the future.” Her short speech almost made you cry. Because she’s a very lovely person and you love her so much.

“Virtual hug for you, sister.” That’s the first time of you to called her ‘sister’. Not because you didn’t want to, but you were shy and also scared to called her that because ‘the past’ and also scared she would rejected you. “So i had this lyric i made and i kept it for myself and i wanna show it to you.”

You opened the notebook. “So the lyric is kinda saying sorry for everything that happened and the person is kinda missed all the memories and she felt sad. Sorry I’m suck at explaining.” You grinned and you took your guitar beside you.

“Please show me.” Said Mali.

You started to strum the guitar. “I miss laying in the park, i miss the walks out after dark

You were my first and you'll be the last

I miss the rhythm of your heart, i miss your head laid on my chest

You always said that I was the best, no one ever spoke to me like you did

And I miss you, Cal, and it's hard to take and I can't be saved

I'm sorry

That I didn't give it all to you, I'm sorry

Don't look away 'cause I gotta say I'm sorry

Just hold me 'cause the words will fade, I'm sorry

That I didn't give it all to you.” You finished the first verse and chorus and Mali gave you an applause.

“Saara, that was beautiful.” She looked so stunned. “That was meaningful.”

Yes, that lyric was meaningful to you because you wrote it years ago back in 2015 when you were ‘separate’ from Calum and you felt so guilty about it. You didn’t even had a chance to say sorry to him and instead you wrote this songs as a reminder for you that he was your first special man that came into your life. You were so blinded by your obsession and couldn’t see that the man who always there for you was Calum and you were so glad that you’ve finally opened your eyes.

Then you smiles to her. “I will email you the rest of the lyric and let me know what you think.”

-

To be continued

Next Part

[tolkien-fandom-history]

Interview with Jenny Dolfen

Much thanks to acclaimed artist Jenny Dolfen for doing this Tolkien-fandom-history interview!

Jenny is a German artist and illustrator. Her art is well known and much admired in the Tolkien fandom. She won the inaugural Tolkien Society award in the category "best artwork" in 2014, for her watercolour “Eärendil the Mariner" and is nominated for that award again this year for her artwork "The Hunt."

Jenny also published a book of her art in 2016. “Songs of Sorrow and Hope” contains sketches and full color artwork dating from 2003-2013. The book includes many of her Tolkien inspired works as well as works inspired by fantasy, mythology and Jenny’s own work “The Rhyddion Chronicles.” It is available in her Etsy store.

Jenny's art can be found on her web page https://goldseven.wordpress.com/galleries/tolkien/ as well as her Etsy page https://www.etsy.com/shop/JennyDolfen and her Patreon site https://www.patreon.com/jennydolfen

She does YouTube tutorials as well--it's fascinating to watch her creations come to life in the videos. https://m.youtube.com/user/GoldSeven/videos

Jenny can also be found here on tumblr @goldseven

(Interview by @maedhrosrussandol)

TFH: When did you originally become involved in Tolkien fandom?

Jenny: I’ve been a Tolkien fan for most of my life (my mother introduced me to the Hobbit when I was six), but I didn’t know there were any other Tolkien fans until I discovered the Internet in the early 2000s.

TFH: What was your initial experience with the online fandom? Did the advent of the LOTR movies have an effect on you?

Jenny: I have treated and still treat the books and the movies as two very different things. The movies interest me as much as any movie I enjoy; the books are a major part of my life. I encountered the Silmarillion fandom around 2003, and above all, was amazed by the fact that there were people who had read it (I had only met one in my life).

TFH: How do you feel the Tolkien fandom has changed since you initially became involved in it?

Jenny: I don’t feel it has changed much. If I had known it before the films, it might be different, but I still see the major groups there that existed in the early 2000s – film fans, book fans (which minor crossovers), fanfic writers, and scholars.

TFH: In the mid-2000s, it often seemed that there were two groups of people creating fan art. There were the artists sanctioned by the Tolkien Estate--Alan Lee, John Howe, Ted Nasmith--who were mostly men, and then there were the so-called "fan artists," who were mostly women. The latter group were also often professional artists and were much more widely embraced by the fanfic community (for example, you and Kasiopea seemed much more instrumental in determining how Silmfic writers saw the characters than Nasmith, and your name is probably more readily recognized by Silm fans today than Nasmith's). Did you perceive this as well? If so, do you have any thoughts on why the Estate and fanworks creators might have had so little overlap in their visions of Middle-earth and its characters?

Jenny: I have actually talked to Ted Nasmith (whom I met at Return of the Ring 2012, a perfectly wonderful bloke!) about this very thing. Ted told me about his illustrated Silmarillion, in which the Estate had been very clear on a policy that follows what we know from the “Big Three” (John Howe, Alan Lee, Ted Nasmith): a lot of location, a bit of characters, and absolutely no monsters!

In a panel at Return of the Ring, which I attended together with Ted, Anke Eissmann, and Ruth Lacon, the same question was asked, and it does seem to fall along gender lines. Typically, characters are more often and more prominently portrayed by women, and many viewing habits seem to follow a similar gender divide on the audience’s side. It makes sense, then, that the Tolkien Estate, under the firm influence of Christopher Tolkien, would favour the a more setting-oriented approach that depicted the scope and poetry of his father’s work, while other artists explored the characters in a more intimate and obscure way.

TFH: I'm interested in your experience with both the artistic and writing sides of the Tolkien fandom. Were there differences in the respective fandoms when you first became involved and in the response to your works in the two mediums?

Jenny: I have always kept a slight distance to much of the fanfic side. There are several fanfics I have enjoyed, but even in some of the ones I did, slash was never far away, and it just makes me uncomfortable. (The fact that it’s mostly gay sex is secondary, incidentally. I simply feel that sex in the exploration of those characters is as irrelevant as exploring their, say, bathroom habits. I may be pretty alone in this as a female recipient of Tolkien’s work, but his characters strike me as rather asexual on the whole.)

On the art side, I find that the response from and interaction with the fandom has been overwhelmingly positive from all sides. I have formed long-lasting friendships with other artists and fans.

TFH: There has been tremendous expansion of artistic interpretations of Tolkien’s work in recent years--through Tumblr, DeviantArt, weibo--how do you continue to reach your audience and interact with those who have an interest in your art?

Jenny: I consider myself very lucky, in that I have stayed in contact with a large and wonderful group of people over all these years. I had the good fortune of being recognized quite early on, and while there has been some fluctuation, an amazingly strong core of my audience has stayed with me.

TFH: In what other Tolkien-related events, gatherings or challenges do you participate? How is it interacting with fans at such events?

Jenny: I try to make it to the major local events – Tolkien Tag, organized by the Dutch and German Tolkien Societies – and I’ll be at the (British) Tolkien Society’s Tolkien 2019 event in Birmingham next year. Apart from that, my job as a teacher and my two young children mean I can’t travel much.

I hugely enjoy those events – to interact with other fans usually feels like a breakaway together with people I rarely meet in the “real world”.

TFH: What drew you to Professor Tolkien's work originally?

Jenny: I have loved mythology from a very young age, devouring classical, Germanic and medieval folk tales since primary school, so Tolkien fell squarely into those preferences, and continued to do so when I got older and became a student of literature rather than just a consumer of Fantasy books.

TFH: Which of his characters are your favorites? Why?

Jenny: It will come as absolutely no surprise that it’s Maedhros son of Feanor. He stuck in my head even when I first read the Silmarillion, standing out against that huge cast of often-confusing people. He’s like a Greek tragic hero, trying to do the right thing and striving to justify his means, and dragging everyone else into ruin with him. His fate is heartbreaking, and I love heartbreaking tales.

TFH: Why do you love Tolkien's universe? What inspires you?

Jenny: It’s always been mostly about the characters, but I find that, as I get older, other aspects of the legendarium speak to me more strongly than before. When I was a child, I used to skip the descriptions of landscape; today, I both read them closely, and find that I appreciate beauty in nature far more than I used to, which I then translate into my art (my older work, up until I was about twenty, usually featured characters standing around in a perfect white void).

TFH: To what extent do you think it is important for a fanfiction writer or fan artist to follow and respect the original author's work and concepts?

Jenny: First off, I think for a fan creator, there are, by definition, no such constraints. Preference is another matter entirely. Personally, I enjoy writings and works of art that, in my subjective view, feel close to what Tolkien might have meant, and thus strike a chord with me.

When we extend that question to any matter that is supposed to be a more general representation of the original work, I feel it’s essential to be faithful to a common theme and feel. If we take Peter Jackson’s movies, I do think that he managed it in many places in the Lord of the Rings; his Hobbit, from what I have seen of it (I haven’t watched the second and third films), felt weirdly like the output of an Instagram creator whose fanbase latches on to a very small part of his original body of work, and who then suddenly starts churning out more of the same, comical, self-referred spoofs which feel like a continuation to him and to his base but really leave most of the essence behind for everyone else.

TFH: Which was the most unexpected occasion, the most unusual platform where you have ever encountered one of your artworks?

Jenny: Thaaaaaaat would have been a Russian porn site. I get around, you know.

TFH: Which one of your drawings is most special to you and why?

There are a lot of drawings I’m very attached to. “In pain and regret” is probably far up the list, as are the more recent “The Hunt” and “And the Orcs fled before his face”. The one I’ll mention here has to be one where I, probably accidentally, nailed Maedhros’ face for the first time. I drew it in 1995, when I was twenty, and I remember that this was a piece that told me that I was still improving. As a young artist, you often think that one day, you’ll be a grown-up, and that’s that. At twenty, I had just moved away from home, and had subconsciously felt that I was now finished, feeling some regret at the belief that my art would no longer improve – and suddenly I realized how wrong I’d been. It was an eye-opener for me, artistically.

The artworks and book referenced in this interview are as follows

Jenny Dolfen's book "Songs of Sorrow and Hope" featuring the cover art of Maglor "The harp no longer sings":

"Earendil the Mariner":

The 1995 artwork referenced:

"And the orcs fled before his face":

"The Hunt":

"In pain and regret":