#with jemily coming up strong just behind them

[vanmarkus]

I was today years old when I learned that Reid/reader is the dominant ship on ao3 like... wow. WOW.

[blackbird-brewster]

Meta: Jemily Queerbaiting

With the huge influx of posts saying 'Jemily is gonna be canon', I really appreciated seeing this post because OP was completely correct. I didn't want to write an entire dissertation as a reply, so I'm making my own post with my personal opinion on this. (All sources are noted in footnotes)

Before I began this rant, for anyone who thinks this is anti-Jemily. It is not. I have shipped Jemily for 18 friggin years and that's never going to change. This post is specifically my thoughts about queer baiting.

First off, I need to note that the showrunners (and the cast members who use social media) KNOW what a huge queer following this show has and that's why we got pansexual Tara Lewis in S16 [1]. Which, in itself, was SOOOOOOO important!!! Our first canonically queer main in SIXTEEN seasons was a middle-aged Black woman!!! That's phenomenal. (The fact it was horrible rep, because they instantly ruined her relationships once her queerness served it's plot point is a whole other post entirely)

In my opinion, the 'big Jemily moment' Paget posted about on Twitter [2] (and AJ hinted at during a recent IG live) is simply queerbaiting to get people to watch S17. I know a lot of you are newer to the fandom and I love your enthusiasm, I really do, ship and let ship, but listen, let's be real, Jemily is not going to be made canon. The showrunners aren't going to suddenly say (after 17 seasons) 'Surprise, Jemily is endgame'. This show has never cared about queer rep and now that CBS/Paramount have already ticked their queer rep box with Tara, they won't be in any rush to add any other characters to it.

Please buckle in, I've got a lot of thoughts on this matter --

What is Queerbaiting?

If you aren't aware of what queerbaiting is, here's a good definition:

Historically, queerbaiting has carried two meanings: the first is an act of aggressive heterosexuality to shut down queer subtext on screen while still teasing and catering to the queer audience in advertising, public relations, and fan engagement strategies; the second is an existing homoerotic tension between two characters played up on screen while met with derision by the professionals behind the scenes. [3]

The Medium article quoted here is from 2017, a time when parasocial relationships were really starting to take over social media. In 2024, actors are now only a mention or tag away online, they have direct conversations with fans, and this process has allowed for an even deeper form of queerbaiting.

Oftentimes online, actors are asked directly about certain ships and while some ignore these questions (usually to avoid breaking their contracts or other repercussions), others (looking at you, Paget) choose to instead tease fans about queer ships. She's done this for years upon years and if I've learned anything in the past twenty-years of existing in fandom spaces it's this -- don't hold your breath. In it's original meaning, for something to be deemed as queerbaiting there had to be malicious, or at least, purposeful intent to string queer fans along by teasing them with suggestive content about the ship in question, while knowing this ship will never come to fruition in canon.

The thing to remember is, Paget and AJ aren't the only ones who know about Jemily shippers -- the network and showrunners are well aware of this ship too. When networks/showrunners figure out they have a strong sapphic fanbase, they love to use that to their advantage to get more viewers and higher ratings. Queerbaiting is a goldmine to keep fans watching long running shows, look at Rizzoli and Isles, Supergirl, and OUAT for examples of this.

Jemily and Queerbaiting:

Ever since Emily joined the BAU in S2 (2006), there have always been fans who ship JJ/Emily (shoutout to the old LJ forums!). Way before celebs were just a tweet away from fans, back when all our fics began with disclaimers so we wouldn't get sued by networks, we went to great lengths to keep our fanworks far removed from actors/showrunners attention.

As far as Jemily goes, this reply from Paget in a 2009 interview with TVGuide.com [4] (which has now been deleted from their site unfortunately, but there are quotes on Tumblr still [4.a]) confirmed some fans' worst fear -- the actors had found our fanworks online.

TVGuide.com: Of course, a band of fans want her to hook up with Hotch.

Brewster: I know! I didn't realize that fans make these videos on YouTube? A.J. Cook sent me a hilarious one that made it look like Prentiss and J.J. were having a secret lesbian affair. You know, when Hotch was blown up in the SUV, we shot this scene where he's in the hospital and I'm standing next to him, looking at his bleeding ear. Our director came in and said, "Paget, you're looking at Hotch like you're in love with him. It looks really weird." So now, every day, Thomas [Gibson] and I flutter our eyelids at each other.

This was the first time I recall anyone acknowledging Jemily shippers publicly and at the time (Jan 2009), the show was still in Season Four (just before CBS fired both AJ and Paget [5]). Paget genuinely said it's 'hilarious' that fans shipped JJ/Emily. Even now, I'll see people say 'We know Paget and AJ have seen Jemily fanvids, so they obviously ship it too' -- but those same people rarely acknowledge the full context of the original answer. Paget not only thought JJ/Emily were 'hilarious', but then she doubled down and turned her reply back to how she and Thomas liked to play up the chemistry between Emily/Hotch.

While no one can say for sure which video it was that AJ sent Paget, just knowing they were watching JJ/Emily fanvids sent a bit of a shockwave through the femslash side of the fandom. To some it felt like an invasion of privacy, fanworks are by fans for fans -- knowing the cast were poking around in fandom spaces added an extra layer of worry around what we fans were posting online. Fifteen years ago, it used to be quite taboo for actors to outwardly discuss shipping or other fanon for whatever show they were in, and we fans were usually comfortably removed from the actors altogether.

Of course, now it's the norm for fans and actors/showrunners to co-exist online and interact with one another. This connection has opened new ways for shows to queerbait their fans. Pretty much every show has some form of social media account now and there is no doubt that the people running those accounts keep up with the most popular ships and hashtags. Not to mention that actors are constantly barraged with questions about whether they ship their character with x,y,z, or whether they think a ship should be made canon, etc. These interactions only serve to benefit the shows themselves, because whether the conversation is for or against a certain ship, it's all just free publicity (Why do you think CM now has a TikTok account?)

Every time AJ or Paget say anything about Jemily, the queer side of the fandom loses their minds. But this has been going on for YEARS now and every single time, it turns out to be nothing but social media hype and queerbaiting. Remember this AJ post? [6] Or what about the notorious reply by Paget to a fan, where she talks about how she and AJ held hands under the table 'for the shippers' [7] I've seen this cycle over and over again, so perhaps I am cynical, but I'm not getting my hopes up that Jemily will ever seriously be canon.

It's widely known now, after both Kirsten [8] and Paget [9] have talked about it, that there was an early idea where Prentiss was supposed to be queer, but that was ultimately scraped before it ever made it on screen. For context, please remember, this show has been airing for nearly twenty years. It began in 2005, during the highly conservative Bush administration. Queer people didn't have rights in the US, we couldn't get married, we were rarely protected under discrimination laws, and we could even be fired for simply being queer (in some states). Diverse queer representation on screen was extremely limited to things like 'The L Word' and 'Queer as Folk' (both aired on Showtime, so they were behind a paywall. And as far as tLw goes, that show was extremely male-gaze focused and is horrible in nearly all regards if you try to rewatch it now). As far as prime time shows went, queer rep was even more rare. Which is why Emily wasn't queer from the get-go.

Yes, things have changed since 2006 in terms of queer rep on TV. We have a myriad of queer identities represented in TV and film nowadays, which is why I think it's so easy for newer fans to say 'lf she was supposed to be gay anyway, they should just make Emily queer in canon!' I know this is what fuels most fans' demands for Emily being confirmed queer, and I get it, I DO. I would be all for it! However, I do not, in one hundred years, actually believe that is going to happen after they already canonically queer confirmed Tara in S16. The fact we even got ONE queer character is ground-breaking for this show.

It's also worth noting, that in the time between Paget's departure in 2012 and her return in 2016, she became very active on Twitter. This was when more and more fans began asking her about Jemily and after Kirsten's AfterEllen interview, fans also pushed for Paget to address the possibility of Emily being gay. 'Pushed' is actually an understatement for some of the outright harassment she would receive. (AJ received some of this harassment too, but less so because she doesn't use social media ass often) Back then, neither of them replied to these things directly. Yet, no matter what either woman posted, the replies were full of Jemily stans begging for her acknowledgement. (Did you know 'stan' is literally a term coined for stalker fans?) I remember one time AJ's friend was missing and she posted info on her IG about it, you know what the replies were? People asking her about Jemily. It was genuinely sickening.

Within this context, it was no surprise to fans when Emily came back in S12 , she and JJ's friendship was seemingly erased. The two women were rarely on screen together in the late seasons, plus the writers saw fit to even give Emily not only one (Mark in London, but two, on-screen boyfriends for the first time in the entire series. I personally do not think these changes to Emily's character were coincidence, I saw the hellscape of what people would say to AJ and Paget online and I fully believe that upon Paget's return to the show, the showrunners purposely tried to distance JJ and Emily to dissuade the more abusive side of the fanbase.

Can I prove that, no. But it is the only reason I can think of as to why Emily S12+ seemingly didn't care about JJ anymore, despite their deep and meaningful friendship. I mean, they both CROSSED THE WORLD to go rescue each other in prior canon -- but when Emily comes back, they acted like they barely knew each other. This was even more prevalent in S16, when JJ's main storylines all revolved around Will, and Emily barely looked at JJ in the entirety of ten episodes. (Remember how Prentiss didn't even hug JJ after bomb, but she did go hug Luke?)

So, do Paget and AJ earnestly ship Jemily, or are they continuing the long tradition of queerbaiting us? Who fucking knows, not me. But based on the history of this fandom, I think I can make a safe bet. (Interestingly, if you search all of Paget's twitter for the word 'Jemily' [10] she only has 3 direct tweets mentioning the ship. I don't think it's a coincidence that two are within the past few months since they started filming S17 (the other one was a RT of Kirsten (who tagged something Jemily)

This is all to say --

Just because Paget and AJ have publicly talked about Jemily,, this doesn't mean it's ever going to happen on screen. And you know what, THAT'S OKAY!! There has been this constant outcry (after Tara became queer confirmed) of 'Do Emily next' or 'Why wasn't it Emily with a girlfriend!?' and 'Jemily needs to be canon in S17!' -- as if people believe their ships aren't worth anything unless they are canon.

That couldn't be further from the truth! Fandom is built on headcanons and fan interpretations and rare pairs and all types of shippers. Your ship does NOT need to be canon for you to enjoy it. I will ship Jemily forever, no matter what. I don't think there will be some magical queer plot in S17, at best, we might actually get to see Emily/JJ on screen together again and after the train wreck that was S16 -- I'll take whatever I can get.

And hey -- if I am completely wrong, if Erica Messer pulls a Korrasami out of her hat, I will be ecstatic. I will be happy to be proved wrong, but at the same time, I'm not going to lose sleep over it and I'm DEFINITELY not going to go hound the actors about it on social media.

Sources:

[1] 2022 Digital Spy article about the importance of Tara's coming out

[2] 04/18/24 Paget Tweet

[3] 2017 Queerbaiting article from medium.com

[4] 2009 Broken TVGuide link

[4.a] Tumblr quote from the above TVGuide Interview

[5] 2010 Kirsten interview screenrant.com

[6] 2019 AJ Instagram Post

[7] 2020 Paget video on Twitter (via @karasluthqr)

[8] 2015 Kirsten interview AfterEllen.com

[9] 2016 Paget Interview CriminalMindsFans.com

[10] @PagetPaget search 'Jemily'

[baubaes]

hi! is there a chance for Jemily with no22? some angst maybe? cheers🤗

Well hello to you to! And of course there is!

@thatonecurlygirl prompt list 22

“I can’t give you what you want.”

Ship: Emily Prentiss x Jennifer Jareau

Word count: 5,4k

Genre: angst/hurt/fluff/very very light nsfw? i have no clue how to label this

Warnings: mentions of violence, death, injuries, classic criminal minds vibes :^)))

Summary: "Right now, Emily Prentiss was dead. She, however, was on a plane to Paris." aka JJ taking care of staked Emily, the blackbird flashback and events around it.

A/N: i thought of way too many scenarios when even though Emily and JJ are literally in love, it could never work out. here's one of them :^) i hope you'll enjoy it!! xx ana apparently i just can't imagine a scenario in which these characters could have a peaceful, quiet and happy life, im so sorry

Emily felt drained.

She was all hurting, really bad, her head was killing her, not only from the beating she received those several days ago, but also the mere stress of all this.

It was pretty baffling for her to realize that she survived this whole ordeal.

She couldn’t say for how long she was out; it felt both like a blink of an eye and an eternity.

And she really thought that she died, when she eventually lost consciousness in Morgan’s arms. That still felt like ages ago.

It was all really confusing, but then again, she couldn’t spare too much of her strength to dwell on what actually happened. Emily just felt too weak to try to keep her eyes open for too long and that resulted in her reality being pretty much scattered.

When she woke up in a hospital room, she was dazed and overwhelmed. They’ve put her on some strong painkillers after the surgery and most of the time right then felt like a blur. She thought she heard some voices in her dream, maybe doctors, maybe… Was it JJ?

She heard bits and pieces of conversations, somebody commenting on her condition in a low voice, nervous footsteps circling around the room, the dimmed rhythmical sounds of all the equipment she was hooked to, some sort of buzzing and a one sided conversation that had to be a phone call.

Was it just some bizarre dream?

A way for her subconscious mind to cope with the anxiety surrounding the recent events?

Whether it was real or not, it let her stay in this state of slumber brought to her through an IV drip.

Despite all that, she felt really grateful. She wasn’t sure where to channel this gratitude though;

Her team for backing her up?

The doctors for patching her up in the OR?

God, for allowing her to continue her existence?

Then again, she wasn’t sure if the last one existed, nor that the almighty entity would waste its time on making sure little old her survives.

It was comforting though, that her last moments on this Earth managed not to be spent with Doyle, even if that was against her will, so in theory, she didn’t have much of control over this.

Memories of him were a combination of ones that she’s made as Emily Prentiss and ones that she’s made as Lauren Reynolds. As Emily, it consisted of all those moments when he threatened her and her team, he kidnapped her, tortured her, nearly killed her…

As Lauren she was able to saw his more… Humane side.

Lauren was his girlfriend. Lauren lived with him,

Lauren shared her joys and fears with him. Lauren loved him.

But that was Lauren.

She wasn’t real. An identity, that’s all that she was.

And even though Emily tried to convince herself that Lauren’s feelings were perfectly compartmentalized away from her own, deep down she knew she was lying to herself.

Was Doyle ever somebody she actually loved?

She definitely despised him, but it felt like now she was obligated to despise even her own self for ever having feelings for this monster. Positive ones anyway.

Right now, Emily Prentiss was dead.

She, however, was on a plane to Paris.

It was all coordinated by Hotchner and JJ.

Nobody else knew.

Her team, her friends, her loved ones were about to attend her funeral in a few days.

She imagined confused look on Spencer’s face, Garcia’s eyes filled with tears, Morgan frowning and looking away. Would Rossi be sad, or would he finally feel relieved to be ridded of her impulsiveness and comments on literally everything?

She imagined her mother, who obviously was not on it, throwing a pile of soil on the coffin. That would not hold her body inside. Would she cry? Would she stay composed even at a funeral of her only child? Well, again, it wasn’t real real, but she wouldn’t be able to realize that.

For some reason, she figured JJ would’ve taken it upon herself to feel guilty, despite knowing what was going on.

They both knew it was the only way to make it all work.

Emily worried about everyone, but there were two people she worried about the most. Spencer and Penelope.

They both were incredibly strong, but she couldn’t be sure how would they deal with this.

She worried, since Reid did not cope well with losing authorities. And even if he would never admit it to her face, she knew that he looked up to her.

The thought of that made her feel the bile appear on the back of her throat.

That kid has lost so many people already… And he internalized all that, it had to be weighing on him every single day. It felt cruel to add another person to that list.

She had to keep thinking about the bigger picture to even remotely be able to deal with all that.

Now Garcia was somebody that Emily truly loved.

It was hard to imagine her being sad over her „death”.

Not because of the probability of the blonde being sad,

rather the severity of her grieving, Emily would imagine.

Penelope was one of those people who were able to feel so much, maybe even too much sometimes.

And on a daily basis it was wonderful. That’s what’s made her such an incredible, empathetic human being, who, despite their job, was still able to not only - be cheerful, but to cheer others up as well.

When she thought of that, it felt as if her heart could break to million pieces.

It was strange, how in that moment she should still feel the pain;

They’ve stabilized her after the surgery, but there were still bruises on her face, stitches across her abdomen, burnt skin on her chest. And she did feel it, but it was blurred, far away.

The feeling that made her grasp reality to the point of hyperawareness was the emotional pain.

Somehow she was able to compare it to the pain of being staked.

She still wasn’t sure what was a proper emotional response in that situation.

It wasn’t in the manual, or in training, despite people having to go… Well, faking your own death was like going undercover, in a way.

Both at the Interpol and the FBI, nobody taught her how to feel, while pretending to be dead.

She knew how to make it happen technically, more or less. After all, Lauren had already died. Her old team, JTF-12, was able to pull that off those several years ago. Including her of course.

But that was Lauren. An identity, which, sure, she’s been tied to for quite some time, living as her, acting like her, becoming her in a way.

Still, just an identity.

Right now, there wasn’t a disguise, an identity to toss away, allowing her to come back to her regular life.

Right now her regular life was supposed to cease to exist.

Before, she thought about her goal and the fact, that she survived. She was grateful, in some way she felt obligated to take care of Declan and she wouldn't be able to do that, if she was actually dead, right?

Even though she knew that she had no right to feel attached to the boy as much as she did, she just couldn’t help it. The image of him as a toddler, walking around the room in Doyle’s house stuck in her head. She couldn’t shake it off. And even before Doyle found her, that image caused her to have problems with falling asleep from time to time.

Emily never seriously thought of herself becoming a mother, for that role to be the main purpose of her life. She was afraid of screwing her potential children up, because she knew that even if she meant well, it wouldn’t guarantee them turning out okay. And her line of work made it impossible to both realistically approach the idea of maternity - she didn’t have a partner and if she were to be a single mother - it would be impossible to keep up with the BAU - that job was just too demanding; but also she saw so many downright evil, just unimaginable things that people were capable of doing to one another. How could she ever be able to shield a child from that?

Suddenly, all these ridiculous, small things that she wouldn’t think twice about made her feel as if each and every part of her life was just slipping through her fingers, right there, right then.

That one window in her apartment, the one with the wide windowsill, she loved to sit on it and watch the sky. Sergio would curl up in her lap or right next to her, on the windowsill, quietly purring, when she would pet his black fur. It didn’t happen often, because most nights she'd come home so exhausted, all she could basically do was just pass out on her bed. And Sergio would sleep on a pillow right next to her, despite Emily's promises to herself that she will teach him to stop, because she'd wake up covered in his fur with a runny nose.

But when she had a chance to do that, it made her mind stop racing, at least for a few minutes. That barely ever happened anywhere else.

Now she realized that Sergio was alone in her apartment and she panicked. But just for a second, because then she remembered JJ in the hospital, telling her that Penelope took him in. Of course she did. He'd definitely be surrounded with love. She wished she could've just taken him with her though, since she's already been missing him. Silly little fur ball, making her fall in love with him gradually. Penelope wouldn't be able to resist his charm for sure, she thought to herself, smiling. Still, she felt really sad.

Emily realized that she’s left so many things behind.

She didn’t think of herself as someone intensively attached to material possessions, but all these had a sentimental value for her and that was the only thing that mattered.

The thoughts invading her head were random, coming to her without any particular sense or order, falling on her mind like an avalanche.

And she thought about that crumpled up picture, capturing her with her friends when she was a teenager, back in Rome.

A cross, that her mother gave her on her first communion. She wasn’t ever really wearing it, but she liked knowing that it was safely tucked away in one of the drawers in her closet. It brought her some strange kind of comfort.

A box with letters she’d exchange with her father when she was a kid, because even though they moved around together as a family, he still would have assignments all around the world. So he would leave for a single weekend, or for several months at a time. No matter how long or short was he leaving for, he’d always try and send her a postcard, hence the collection of them, both from huge cities in Europe and Asia and tiny places she’s never even heard of before in America or Australia.

Maybe she wasn’t going through this box ritually on some settled schedule, but every once in a while she would look at those tacky pictures of touristy little towns, as well as simple, beautiful pictures of great historical monuments or watercolored landscapes of picturesque countrysides. And they'd make the corners of her lips rise up just a tiny bit.

All that with a couple words reading simple greetings, scribbled in a hurry, in her dad’s small, not exactly neat handwriting, on the back of each and every one of them.

„Love you, Dad” summed up every single message.

And looking at those words made her feel warmth, both now and when she was a little girl. Her father wasn’t very talkative and he rarely told her he loved her unprompted. So she got used to reading these words, instead of hearing them from him.

She cherished these postcards and anytime she’d go through them, she noticed some kind of feeling spread throughout her body, that felt like pure joy, but also love and safety.

Kurt Vonnegut’s "Sirens of Titan".

Morgan lent it to her a few months ago.

The book was by her bed, bookmarked with some crumpled receipt for groceries she’d found at the bottom of her purse, when she'd had to suddenly break away from Rumfoord and Kazak on the jet.

She’s read it before, truth be told, (in Italian and back in the ’80s), but Morgan insisted that she just had to read the original version. And even though there was a stack of books she wanted to read going back at least two years sitting on her bedroom floor, dangerously leaning against the radiator, the day she brought it home, she placed the Sirens on the very top of her bedside table, instead of the stack.

She’d imagine Morgan would appreciate that gesture.

Morgan, her partner.

Morgan, who held her before she passed out.

Morgan, who always had her back.

And she tried to do the same for him in the field.

He’s saved her ass countless times.

Emily wished she could have had his back right now.

She realized with a paralyzing fear that it could last forever.

Doyle could lay low, undetected for years.

Would it keep Morgan up at night?

Would he blame himself, wondering?

If he'd gotten to her seconds earlier, if he had only ran faster, if he’d found her sooner, would it change anything?

Thinking about that made her fists clench suddenly.

If she had any fingernails left, they would surely dig into the skin of her palms very painfully right now.

Emily felt this overwhelming guilt filling her chest, making her throat feel as if it was closing, her teeth grit.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, as if the jet’s cabin had become decompressed and she couldn't reach the oxygen mask.

"You’re doing okay?"

She heard the soft and calming voice of her only companion on this flight, naturally besides the pilot.

JJ was looking at her with those big, worried, blue eyes and even though Emily’s first instinct was to nod, as she did just that, she felt her eyes watering.

"I can't stand the thought of all of them grieving over a lie."

She mumbled out.

"Emily, you know that this is the only way. We’d never make them go through this, if there were any other options. They will understand."

JJ’s voice became more firm with the last sentence, she was obviously in a mind space reserved for dealing with crisis.

"I really thought that was it, you know?"

Emily asked, a little startled at the sound of her own voice.

She couldn’t recall the last time she’s held an actual conversation with another person, one that wouldn’t consist of barely understandable mumbling as a form of communication on her end.

"There came that point, where the pain went away, I guess I went into shock. I heard Morgan’s voice and I wanted to keep my eyes open like he told me to so bad, but I just couldn’t. I felt like I was slipping away and it felt so… Easy. I wasn’t scared at all. I… I knew you guys would take care of Declan, if I wasn’t around. And that all of you would be okay."

She said, trying to piece together everything that happened.

"And apparently I've coded in the ambulance? I had no idea, but some glimpses are coming back to me, slowly. But it was like I’d fallen asleep."

She added, her face reflecting her mind in a state of deep contemplation.

Her thoughts were interrupted by JJ’s voice.

"Thank God, you didn’t…"

Emily only now noticed that with every word that she spoke, JJ’s eyes became more and more glossy. She frowned.

"Hey, I’m here."

She leaned in and smiled faintly.

"Its gonna take way more than some branding and a little stake for you to get rid of me."

JJ laughed, wiping the tears away, before they had a chance to flow down her cheeks.

"Why would I ever want to get rid of you?"

Blonde asked, her voice now soft, her expression puzzled.

Emily felt something strange in her chest.

At first her brain assumed it had to be her burnt skin and damaged nerve endings, but no.

It felt nice, it wasn’t painful.

That warmth, spilling around her insides.

She didn’t have a witty comeback to her question. She wanted to think it was because of the meds making her hazy, but she wasn’t sure anymore. She just looked down at her chest and frowned again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The first thing I’m doing, when we get to Paris is having this removed."

She heard her own voice.

"How could a brand hurt more than getting staked?"

"Maybe it’s a psychosomatic itch you’re scratching? The brand left an emotional toll, Doyle established dominance over you by marking you as his, a stake… I mean you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe. Why suffer a pain you’re proud of?"

JJ wondered, actually trying to analyze all that. She looked at her, now amused.

"Or you could always get another tattoo."

Emily laughed at that. JJ continued.

"You know, something transformative? Like a… A phoenix. Or a blackbird."

"I love the song."

Emily said.

"But something tells me, I shouldn’t tread in your waters."

JJ looked at her with a questioning look.

"Come on, JJ. Something’s obviously different about you. You commandeered an Interpol jet. You’re profiling me."

JJ looked down and sighed. Emily continued.

"Why didn’t you say your transfer was a backstop?"

At that JJ’s expression turned to a confused one, indicating that what the other woman said was the truth.

"Oh, I know that look. The 'I can’t trust anyone, but myself' look. I invented it."

Emily added, trying to make it sound funny, but ultimately, it still came out serious, because it was true. JJ smiled at her slightly, but she looked sad.

"Do you ever feel like you’re in way over your head?" Emily nodded, wanting her to continue.

"I got assigned to an information hunt. Instead, I am chasing an unsub, who killed my informant."

"What would Hotch tell you to do?" Emily asked without hesitation. That’s how she found her way around during any investigation, ever since she joined the BAU.

"Focus on victimology, let behavior lead the way…"

JJ listed out loud.

"Exactly. Who did your unsub kill?"

"The one person I was getting through to."

"Why?"

Emily continued with her questions, seeing that they initiated JJ’s thought process.

"Because I was getting through to…" JJ said, frowning.

"I was getting through to her. What if she was about to expose her killer? Someone on the inside…"

Emily could tell that JJ needed somebody else to look at her situation and see it in from a different angle. JJ got really pensive, her eyes glued to some nonexistent point in space.

"It sounds like it's time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script." Emily said slowly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I guess it does." JJ said with a tiny smile, before getting up.

"Hey, why won’t you try and sleep at least a while? We won’t be landing for several hours, so…"

"Right. You should try and sleep too. I’ve been in a coma, so I caught some Zs, when you think about it. Medically induced ones, but still. You on the other hand must be exhausted."

Emily’s face was covered in grey, purple and yellow spots, but JJ’s face, even though not bruised, still indicated that she had a rough couple of days. She had bags under her eyes, her cheeks pale, instead of slightly flushed like they normally were, her face tired.

They both looked quite miserable.

JJ just smiled in response, but her eyes weren’t a part of that smile. Her eyes stayed sad.

She walked to another seat, so she could try and lie down.

Emily wanted to let JJ rest, because she suspected that by suggesting sleeping, she actually had an excuse to take a nap herself, even if it was supposed to last only few minutes. She deserved a good night sleep, Emily thought to herself, watching the blonde struggling to find a comfortable position. When she eventually succeeded, Prentiss leaned back in her own seat, looking out the window. Her chest was still burning, but she wouldn’t even flinch. Her eyes, almost independently from her will, landed on the other woman every couple of minutes. She watched JJ’s chest move rhythmically, until her breathing became really deep and really steady and she was without a doubt asleep.

She knows what’s happening,

Emily thought to herself.

And so does Hotchner.

Yet, they’re going to have to look at the rest being in pain and they’re going to have to pretend that they’re going through the same thing.

And when she thought about Hotch, it wasn’t that hard to imagine.

He would keep himself perfectly composed in pretty much any situation she ever saw him in.

He was able to calculate his next move without showing as much as a microexpression.

It could be a little unsettling sometimes, but then again when he was surrounded by his family, when he was with Jack, he would expose this softer and loving side of himself. Just a bit. It was quite the view.

Emily had no doubt that he was a good father. And a good man.

He really was great at planning, thinking ahead like no one else;

he had his way of smoothly dealing with issues that inevitably came up during their investigations.

All those things made him an incredible section chief.

Emily was certain that she could trust him with her life. And she did.

It would be hard for anyone to keep such a burdening secret from people you are constantly around.

Eventually, you could start believing the lie, but that also took dedication. It was even harder when you had to lie to people that were actually a part of your life, people that you were close to.

It’s one thing to be undercover and to keep a secret from people you’re trying to infiltrate. During such operations it felt justified to do that, choosing the lesser evil, the end justify the means and all that.

It’s a completely different thing to do that to your friends and family.

"The secret to getting away with lying is believing with all your heart. That goes for lying to yourself even more so than lying to another."

A quote by the author Elizabeth Bear, that she's memorized from reading her New Amsterdam series more than once. She was repeating it in her mind, not being able to stop.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in. She knew that they made the right call. Still, it was just devastating, thinking what they voluntarily sentenced themselves to.

She tried to calm herself down with proper breathing. It helped.

Emily finally decided to try to sleep. She thought that since she was still medicated, she’d pass out easily, but that didn’t happen.

Every time she closed her eyes, she saw faces of her team members. She felt like her chest was being crushed. Breathing didn't really help.

After what felt like forever of forcing herself to fall asleep without any luck, she opened her eyes and just kept them open. She focused her gaze on what was behind the window.

The clouds, barely visible in the navy skies.

She didn’t do it on purpose, but she realized that she started to dissociate.

And she let herself do it.

The numbness felt better than the stinging guilt.

She didn’t really register it, but tears left her eyes, falling on her lashes and cheeks, as her deep, dark eyes focused on the navy color in front of her, forty thousand feet above the ground.

She couldn’t tell how long it took, but only JJ’s turning in her sleep, simultaneously throwing a bag off the seat made Emily come back to reality. Blonde didn’t wake up. She looked really peaceful.

She thought about not seeing her for God knows how long. It stung, to a point of her gasping. Afraid, that maybe that could’ve woken her up, Emily wiped her tears away, but JJ’s eyes stayed closed. And these intrusive thoughts came back to roam inside her head.

Sure, JJ wouldn’t be with the BAU now, since she’s had that informant operation, but no doubt, she would still see them. They were a huge part of her life after all.

Emily watched her face, calm and soft, imaging it twisted in pain and grief, having to pretend one of their own was dead.

In her mind, JJ was one of the strongest people she knew. She was persistent, hardworking and incredibly professional, but she was also kind, nurturing and very loyal.

What she was doing for her at this very moment proved it perfectly.

She knew that JJ accepted her part in this plan on her own and if she were to start trying to talk her out of it (never mind that it was also too late for that at this point), she wouldn’t change her mind. To be fair, if they switched places, she would do the same for JJ, but still, she couldn’t stop worrying about the woman sleeping on a seat across from her.

Emily watched her friend and it brought her some sort of comfort, a feeling of safety.

She finally dozed off, trying not to think, but focused on JJ’s steady breathing instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Emily, we’ll be landing in about an hour."

She heard, opening her eyes, and she saw JJ standing in front of her, one of her hands on her shoulder.

"I thought you’d like to change before the transfer."

Emily’s hand landed on top of hers, holding both of them on her shoulder.

"Oh, right. Thank you, I…" she looked down at their hands, trying to focus. "We’ll have to say goodbye soon, right?" she blurted out, looking back at her face.

JJ sighed and sat down right next to her, not taking her hand away, but instead, intertwining their fingers and resting both their hands in Emily’s lap.

"Well, it seems so."

She smiled, but her eyes were reddened, filling with tears once again.

Emily’s gaze was glued to their hands, watching JJ’s wrist and fingers, so delicate right now, but perfectly capable of throwing a good punch. Her eyes stopped at the ring on her finger; Henry’s birthstone. She felt that strange feeling again, that warmth spreading throughout her body.

"It’s not going to last forever. We will find Doyle."

JJ mumbled out and Emily held her breath.

"I know, but… I will miss you so much."

Emily said, before instinctually putting her arms around blonde’s waist, to which she responded with wrapping her arms around her neck. JJ tried to be gentle, because of Emily’s condition, but brunette only held her tighter.

They were so close right now, that she could hear the other woman’s heartbeat. It was slightly elevated.

JJ pulled back just a little, so she could look at her face.

"I will miss you as well." she whispered, their eyes laid on each other.

JJ said the next sentence so quietly, that Emily could barely hear it.

"You’re very special to me, you know that?"

Emily wouldn’t be able to logically explain why she did what she did next, but somehow her hands ended up on both sides of JJ’s face and she leaned in, placing her lips on blonde’s ones.

She wasn’t thinking, but as she kissed her, the other woman immediately kissed her back. Emily felt soft palms cupping her face, her eyes closed. That kiss was filled with so much pain and longing and some kind of desperation.

But it made her whole body fill up with that warmth.

Emily wasn’t even sure what that was, so she tried to be gentle. She ended up kissing JJ in a somewhat shy manner, yet the other agent was deepening the kiss with each second, making it more and more passionate. Emily felt her back hitting the wall and a moan left her throat, captured by the kiss. JJ reacted by slowing down, moving her fingers across her face, running them through her hair. Emily was still cupping JJ’s face, her skin felt so soft and warm under her fingers when she brushed them across her cheeks. Their tongues slowly swirling around one another, this time Emily caused JJ to gasp, as she bit her lower lip. She responded with kissing brunette even more eagerly, so Emily brushed her fingers along her neck, resting them on her shoulders. One of her hands was caressing the skin covering JJ’s collarbone. At that she sighed, barely audibly, but Emily caught it. Her fingers moved towards the skin covering her breastbone.

JJ suddenly pulled back and broke the kiss, leaving both of them breathing heavily, blood flowing through their cheeks and lips.

Emily placed her hands back on JJ’s shoulders, she didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable.

Finally, after what felt like forever, she broke the silence.

"JJ, I…" she didn’t even know what to say. It wasn’t right. She had a loving husband, a family. She didn’t mean to ruin it for her.

"We don’t have to talk about this." she said quickly and Emily felt strange. She took her hands off of her shoulders and leaned back, so there was space between them.

"I… Dont… Look, if we won’t see each other for…"

She started, but her voice broke, when she realized what expression showed up on JJ’s face.

Regret.

Emily felt so many contradicting things in that moment, that she basically froze. JJ was looking away.

"You went through something traumatic, we all did. It’s only natural to crave human contact then. And it can present itself in many different ways. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s fine."

"JJ, it means… It means everything for me."

Emily choked out, placing her hand on top of blonde’s. JJ turned her hand, so she could squeeze Emily’s one between her fingers.

She smiled looking at their hands, but only for a fraction of a second. And then she took her hand away, only to look Emily straight in her eyes. She seemed sad, but also… Agitated.

"I can’t give you what you want, Emily." she said quickly, getting up.

"There’s too many reasons why. And… You have to leave."

JJ stated, sort of matter-of-factly.

Emily couldn’t really comprehend what just happened. But all of the pain, both physical and mental suddenly came back, not dimmed anymore.

This was… This wasn’t the time for this. Come on, Emily, it’s time to compartmentalize again. You used to be so good at this!

Well, before joining the team anyway.

"We’re landing in 15. You have to change, definitely cover up these bruises at least a bit." JJ continued talking, her voice morphing back to that task-oriented tone. She was taking clothes and makeup out of the bags, handing the items to her. "Hurry."

Emily felt like she couldn’t move, but she forced herself to get up and do what she needed to. They weren’t looking at each other and even though she wanted to scream, she kept perfectly quiet.

Compartmentalize. It’s not the time. It didn’t mean anything.

They landed and after JJ made sure that the right person was waiting outside to drive Emily to a safehouse, she stood in front of her and hugged her. Emily wasn’t really expecting that right now, since the atmosphere was so tense.

"I will miss you, no matter what." JJ whispered and even though Emily was so stunned from the pain and all around confused, she knew they couldn’t part without a proper goodbye.

"Thank you, for everything. Take care of them." Emily said and she embraced her tightly, one last time. Emily wanted to say that she’ll miss her like crazy, but it felt both like too much and not enough.

She didn’t want to let them turn this into a final goodbye.

"Of course. I will see you soon, okay?" JJ smiled and Emily smiled back. It wasn’t the best forced smile, but she just couldn’t do better in that moment.

"Goodbye, Jennifer." she said sounding way too official, taking a first step out.

"Goodbye, Emily."

Prentiss turned away and quickly made her way to the parked car.

She saw JJ’s face one last time through the tiny window.

The car left the landing strip and disappeared in the night.

„Goodbye, Emily.” she thought to herself, as she caught her own reflection in the side mirror.

„Goodbye, Emily.”

JJ whispered, placing a red rose on the coffin.

[unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix]

Truth and Awakenings Ch. 6

Summary: A Jemily rewrite of certain scenes in 14x15-15x03, with a few additional scenes :)

Chapter summary: JJ works out after a few weeks and Momily-ish stuff.

Read on AO3

I’m back and I have the next chapter up, which is broken into 2 parts so this is a part one :) (tw gun mention)

@jemilyisms @binariesarebullshit @bridget19

A week after JJ was discharged from the hospital, Will and Emily had decided to take turns looking after the blonde. Did JJ object and say she was fine once she got out? Yes. In fact, Emily and Will had to convince her to stay back home. It was, however, a bit of an awkward talk between Will and Emily at first, at least, to the older woman it was. Well, it’s not every day that you talk to your lover’s ex and have things not be awkward, she thought. Will had to assure an anxious Emily that he supports the two women, and was only waiting for them to actually get together.

Whenever Emily was at work, Will tended JJ’s wound and looked after her. Emily had not spent a lot of time with her due to conflicting work schedules. She nearly felt bad for not helping JJ with her wound as much, but she promised the younger agent late-night phone calls while away on cases and cuddles when she gets home.

A few weeks of recovery passed and JJ’s wound began to heal within that time frame. She wanted to get her mind off of the events that had occurred a few weeks prior, so she decided to exercise as a stress reliever.

To start out her day, she had gone out for a jog in the woods. JJ’s ponytail bounced as she jogged, coming to a complete stop. She landed her hands on her hips and took a few breaths before continuing her steps.

After her 40-minute workout, JJ headed back home and, without looking, she accidentally bumped into Emily on the sidewalk, tripping slightly. “Whoa, JJ! Are you ok?!” Luckily, the older woman swiftly caught her by the arm and raised her eyebrows in surprise.

Emily helped her back up and her hands lingered her arm for a little longer. Even though she was the one to catch the blonde, she couldn’t help but feel how strong JJ is. Emily lightly squeezed her upper arm and her mind was blown. “Wow,” she mouthed with widened eyes, totally focused on JJ’s small but hard muscles beneath her shirt, feeling them tense under her touch. Although FBI training was required, Emily bets that JJ loves to spend time at the gym when she’s not working, currently seeing the results of that.

JJ’s little chuckle broke her out of her reverie. “Having fun there?”

Emily felt herself blushing from JJ’s smug stare and slowly removed her hand from her arm. “No, I don’t mind. Come on,” JJ smirked, pushing her arm towards her and flexing it again.

Emily rolled her eyes. “I didn’t know I was going out with Derek Morgan.”

JJ laughed and pointed towards her house. “You coming inside or…?”

“Oh,” the unit chief remembered. “I, uh, wanted to see how you’re doing. Maybe have some time with you before I go? I brought donuts,” she lifted a pink box in her other hand.

JJ laughed, knowing how much Emily loves donuts. “Sure.” She opened the door and held it for Emily, seeing Will and the boys walking up the front porch also. He gave each woman a hug and put Michael down from his arms.

“I’m here to drop the boys off,” he said to JJ. He and JJ decided to share custody over their sons after their divorce, so they traded off weekends or whenever else they were free to look after them.

JJ flashed a smile at him. “Alright. Thanks again, Will.”

Will nodded and patted Emily’s shoulder on the way out, leaning to whisper, “Take good care of her.”

The woman smiled, “Ok. You sure you don’t want a donut on your way back?” She held the pink box in front of him.

Will chuckled, “Sure.” Emily brought one glazed donut out and he thanked her before leaving. Things between her and Will had become less awkward and more comfortable over the past few weeks, and the two started talking a lot more often, even having discussions that didn’t always involve JJ.

Once the women and kids got inside, they all walked into the kitchen. “Aunt Emily, you have donuts?! Please say yes, please say yes,” Henry asked, crossing his fingers.

“Yep,” Emily smiled. “And don’t worry, I got your favorites since your dad told me he was coming to drop you guys off.” Emily placed the box on the dining table, seeing their faces light up.

JJ’s sons had no knowledge of her and Emily’s romantic relationship. All they knew was that Emily was one of their mom’s best friends, and the two women planned to keep it that way until they were ready to tell them, which was why the boys referred to her as ‘Aunt Emily’. Not even Will spilled about their relationship to the boys as to respect the women’s boundaries.

“Yes!” Henry pumped a fist in the air, immediately running up to the grey-haired woman to hug her.

“Thank you, Aunt Emimy!” Michael clapped his hands excitedly, hugging her as well. He was still learning how to say Emily’s name correctly, but she let it slide because of how adorable the boys were. They are JJ’s kids, after all.

The woman smiled and ruffled both their heads full of blonde hair, “You’re welcome.” She was surprised the kids liked her, seeing as she always doubted herself with being surrounded by them.

JJ pulled Emily aside and whispered, “I’m gonna take a quick shower, and I’ll meet you right after.”

“Ok.”

JJ went to her bathroom and closed the door. She stripped down and stepped inside the bathtub before turning the shower faucet on and began rinsing herself.

As she scrubbed down her body, her fingers met with the electrical burn from her 2014 abduction and gunshot wound both on the left side of her stomach. Fingers tensed and curled as she shut her eyes at the memories of those two times she was tortured and shot. She shook her head and wiped away the haunting thoughts as she carefully washed around the scars.

After her shower, JJ dressed in her black leggings and white tank before drying her damp hair with her towel. The blonde went downstairs and stopped once she saw the back of Emily’s head and her sons’ concentrated faces. There was chattering among the other woman and her sons around the dining table. Apparently, they were playing a card game.

“No way, that’s cheating!” Emily accused, her mouth open in fake shock. She crossed her arms and pouted.

“No, it’s not,” Henry grinned and took a card from Emily’s hand. “That’s how go fish works, Aunt Emily.”

Emily rolled her shoulders back to fix her posture, still frowning. “I swear to god, you’re like your mother, sometimes,” she said under her breath.

That was JJ’s cue and she slowly made her presence known with an amused smile. “Means I taught him well, then, huh?”

“Mommy!” Michael shouted, dropping his cards on the table and beamed.

Emily looked up and froze, turning to face the blonde, “Hey.” She held her hands up as if she was caught committing a crime, and stood up from her chair. “I can explain. They roped me into this.”

JJ shook her head and lightly laughed. “They are irresistible boys.”

“Yeah. Wonder where they get that from. Plus, I think Henry is starting to take after you,” Emily muttered.

“Oh really? How so?” JJ innocently batted her eyelashes, making Emily stick her tongue out in return.

Henry tapped Emily’s elbow to get her attention, which worked since she looked down at him. “Are you gonna come tonight?”

Emily opened her mouth to answer but looked at JJ, who shrugged at her. “If you want. You’re not too busy today, are you?”

“I hope not,” Emily shook her head. “I’ll get work done and I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

The kids cheered and the older woman checked her watch. “Speaking of which, I gotta go. I’ll see you later?”

JJ nodded and patted her arm. “Ok. I’ll walk you out. Be right back, you two,” she said to her sons. Once they reached the front door, JJ looked over her shoulder and saw her sons playing with each other. She turned back and smiled at Emily, giving her a short kiss.

Emily matched her smile and moved her head to kiss her cheek. “See you tonight.”

“Ok,” JJ said and opened the door for her, watching her leave. Little did she know, Henry had witnessed his mother kissing her friend when he went to grab something on the kitchen counter.

JJ walked back and had the biggest grin on her face, which quickly faded once she saw her eldest son. She blinked and awkwardly pointed at the door, “You didn’t see any of that, did you, Henry?”

A slow smile came to Henry’s face and he pointed at his mom with both index fingers. “Mom and Aunt Emily, sitting in a tree…” he said in a sing-song voice.

JJ was about to stammer out a response, but felt her cheeks burning. Emily was right. Her son was starting to take after his own mother.

“That’s enough of that,” she laughed and ruffled his hair.

Henry pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and tilted his head to the side. “Since when did you start liking Aunt Emily?”

“Ok, buddy. We’re going soon. Come on, get ready,” she clapped her hands and lightly pushed him away, avoiding the question before getting ready for her day with her sons.

Later that evening, Emily came over for dinner like she promised. She and JJ sat next to each other, squeezing each other’s hands under the table and discreetly brushing each other’s fingers every chance they got. Soon, everyone went to sleep, and JJ had convinced Emily to stay the night, after a few kisses, of course.

So there they were, under the covers, tangled in each other’s arms. More accurately, Emily was spooning JJ from behind. Sometime at midnight, she felt the blonde’s body stiffened in her grip and heard quiet whimpering. Emily lifted her head to see JJ’s head pressed further into her pillow and her eyes shut tight.

“JJ…” Emily moved to wake her up. “JJ. JJ.”

JJ finally opened her eyes and her hand instinctively flew to her stomach. She slowly sat up and did a quick scan of the darkened room.

“It’s ok, JJ. It’s just me,” Emily calmly said, stroking her hair. “It’s just me.”

“Emily,” the younger woman finally let out, tears coming to her eyes.

“Shh… it’s ok,” Emily said, pulling her into an embrace. JJ gripped onto the back of her shirt, slowing her breathing back to normal. Emily thought that she would want to talk about it in the morning, so she held her until JJ fell back asleep.

The next morning, Emily slowly arose from her slumber and stretched her body, rubbing her eyes with a hand. Her other hand reached for the right side of the bed, finding it to be a cold, empty spot instead. She made a small confused noise, opened both eyes and saw that JJ wasn’t there.

She must be in the kitchen or picking up the kids. She got out of bed and rubbed her upper arms once she felt the cold hit her. Emily made her way to the kitchen, only to find no one there. Her body suddenly startled before she made a quick search around the house. No text was sent or note left anywhere and that made Emily worry that JJ might’ve been taken while she was asleep.

The gray-haired woman let out a frustrated sigh and dialed Penelope’s phone number, asking her to track JJ’s phone.

“Are you sure, Emily?” Penelope said into the phone.

Emily knew tracking JJ’s phone was wrong. The blonde agent valued her privacy and she respected that, but all the worst case scenarios ran through her mind. “I’m sure, Garcia. I came by to check on her and she just… disappeared,” she lied about the last part, knowing she couldn’t tell her the nature of their relationship.

“If you say so.” Typing was heard in the background. “Ok, here we go. She’s at the gym she and Derek go to.”

The gym? What the- She closed her eyes and answered. “Ok, thanks for your help, Penelope.”

“Anytime, captain.” She hung up the phone and dropped it onto the coffee table in the living room, head in her hands. Why the hell was she at the gym? JJ wasn’t supposed to do any sort of heavy weightlifting activity at the moment. Emily stayed in the living room with her thoughts as to how she was going to talk to JJ about all this.

Meanwhile, JJ was at the gym. She hadn’t told Emily she was leaving for the gym, but now she felt guilty for not saying anything. Emily doesn’t know JJ exercises as a distraction or a way to cope with her problems. It would’ve been considered almost excessive, if she knew. This was her third workout day in a row this week. If Emily found out, she would freak.

JJ had finished taking hits to a punching bag and was currently at the lat pulldown machine. She pulled the handles of the piece of equipment behind her head, grunting as she mentally counted to 20.

12. 13. 14.

Her mind started going back to her lying on the ground, coughing out blood and hearing tires screech away. She closed her eyes and adjusted her grip on the handles, attempting to file that memory into the back of her brain. As she pulled down again, she saw a flash of white and heard a gunshot.

JJ’s eyes snapped open and she quickly let go of the handles, hearing the weight blocks clash when she did. Her eyes shifted from left to right, and her chest quickly rose and fell. She cursed to herself and took ahold of the handles again, pulling them down to finish her 20 count.

She stood up from the machinery after, and used the back of her hand to wipe the sweat that had formed on her upper lip. JJ slightly parted her lips to take a few deep breaths and placed both hands on her hips. She glanced down at her stitched wound and the electrical burn, fingers lightly brushing them before she stilled her movements.

Both Emily and Will had seen JJ’s wounds, but she had a much harder time with Emily. She didn’t know what Emily had really thought when she saw them. Every time they cuddled together, she had to bite down her tongue to stop from wincing at the pain she felt from her injuries. The blonde hated feeling insecure about herself. It always made her feel so small, almost like a coward. She didn’t want Emily to hate her because of her disgusting wounds. They had already gotten together, she didn’t want to drive her away this early on.

JJ sighed and grabbed her towel, wiping her face and the back of her neck. She walked towards the locker room as her phone buzzed inside her duffel bag. She dug it out and saw the name on her screen. Emily.

JJ contemplated answering or ignoring it before choosing the latter, shoving her phone back in her bag. She went inside the showers and scrubbed away any sort of negative thought she had.

Eventually, she drove home and saw Emily’s car still parked in her driveway. JJ sighed and turned off her engine, stepping out of the car. She made her way inside the house and found Emily in the kitchen with her arms crossed.

“I left you a phone call, JJ. Several, as a matter of fact,” Emily tensed her shoulders and clenched her jaw.

“I was at the gym, alright?” JJ rolled her eyes and tossed her keys into a bowl, doing the same with her bag onto the counter.

“I know. Garcia told me.”

JJ’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “You had her track down my phone?”

“I was worried about you, JJ! You didn’t even leave a note or anything!” Emily let her hands fall to her sides and raised her voice. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going?”

JJ ran a hand down her face. “I didn’t think you would freak out this much. I’m fine.”

“‘Fine’?! You’re just ‘fine’?” Emily repeated back to her. “You know, that’s the problem with you, JJ.”

The younger woman raised her eyebrows and tilted her head down, offended. “I have a problem?”

“You always say you’re ‘fine’,” she used air quotes for emphasis. “But are you really? Last night, you had a fucking nightmare and then, you act like everything’s fine the next day! You think I’m just gonna ignore that?”

JJ scoffed and muttered under her breath, “Says the queen of compartmentalizing.”

Emily’s heart stung at the harsh dig being thrown back at her, but she wasn’t ready to back down just yet. “This is not about me, JJ. This is about your safety! You could’ve gotten hurt.”

“God, Emily!” JJ threw her hands in the air in frustration. “Why can’t you just get off my back and leave me alone for once?! I am a grown woman. You don’t get to fucking decide what I want and don’t want,” she huffed and quickly walked towards her bedroom before she slammed the door shut.

For once in a very long time, Emily flinched at the sound and sighed to herself. She felt angry, yes, but her worries overshadowed that feeling. All she wanted was for JJ to be a little more careful. It was fine for JJ to do a light physical activity, which she had come across yesterday, just as long as she wasn’t lifting heavy objects. Maybe Emily was assuming things. JJ hadn’t said what she did at the gym exactly and she’s not stupid enough to lift weights while healing. She is stubborn though, that’s for sure.

[gravelyhumerus]

“just like a folk song (our love will be passed on)”

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Relationship: Jemily

Summary: Pregnant? Off a one-night hookup that convinced her that the relationship wouldn’t go anywhere? Impossible. Improbable. Unlikely.

Word count: 3,086

Read it on AO3

Chapter One, Chapter Two

Sunlight streamed into the warm bedroom as Jennifer Jareau awoke and blinked against the brightness. She yawned and stretched, her body wrapped in soft white sheets. 

JJ rolled over, coming face to face with Emily Prentiss. She smiled at the sight of the woman still asleep, looking peaceful in her slumber. She gently pulled the blankets up and over her girlfriend's bare shoulder. 

Checking her watch, she realized that she had woken up before her alarm, and could have slept another half an hour and still had enough time to make it to Quantico with coffee and doughnuts for the team. 

Despite the picture perfect moment, JJ didn’t feel well. She did normally wake up before Emily, as she was much more of a morning person, but typically she basked in the half-asleep haze to watch Emily sleep, her eyes tracing every plane of her face. After years of sharing beds with Emily because of cases, JJ had heard more than one complaint about her own sleeping habits, whether it was her incessant kicking or how she would often wake up before dawn to run before they had to go to work. 

Nausea and dizziness hit her like a brick, causing her to sit up in the bed and fight back the overpowering desire to gag. JJ tossed back the blankets, leaped out of bed and ran into Emily’s ensuite bathroom. 

She barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up what was left of her dinner into the bowl. 

She knelt in front of it, her bare knees feeling chilled against the grey tile floor. As she sat back, collapsing into the wall, the nausea abated slightly. She let her head fall back into the wall, her breaths coming in gasps as the world spun. 

JJ frowned and racked her brain for what could possibly be wrong with her. She hadn’t drank anything the night before, as the last time she felt this bad had been after drinking an entire bottle of rosé at Penelope’s a few months back. 

She flushed and stood up to brush her teeth, but her dizziness hadn’t gone away. JJ swayed when she stood, clutching tightly on the counter to steady herself. Her stomach protested, warning her not to move too quickly, else she would be back in front of the toilet bowl.

The media liaison then pulled her toothbrush out of her toiletries bag and carefully brushed her teeth, working on getting the sour taste out of her mouth. She wondered whether she had eaten something bad the day before. With all the takeout they ordered, no wonder her stomach was upset.

JJ walked back into Emily’s bedroom, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She still felt off kilter, but the nausea was subsiding. 

Emily had sat up in the bed, and looked at her with concern. 

“Are you ok, Jayje?” she asked, her eyes bleary but still full of concern. JJ had clearly just woken her up with her activity in the bathroom. 

“My stomach’s upset,” JJ explained, rubbing it slightly, her voice coming out with more of a whine to it than she had expected. 

Emily frowned, patting the bed and moving over so there was space for JJ to join her in bed. JJ sat down, allowing Emily to pull her in for a hug. She leaned into her girlfriend, basking in the warmth and comfort that a simple touch offered her.  

“If you’re not feeling well, why don’t you stay here?” Emily said, “We can’t have you giving the whole team the flu.”

Emily reached up to touch JJ’s forehead with the palm of her hand, checking to see if the blonde had a fever. 

“I’ll be fine,” JJ said, batting Emily’s hand away from her face. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I will always worry about you, JJ.”

JJ relaxed into Emily’s embrace cuddling back up onto the bed, deciding to get whatever rest she could before her alarm. Emily’s strong arms wrapped around her, and JJ rested her head on Emily’s collarbones. 

The older woman stroked JJ’s hair softly. She immediately felt better at the touch, able to focus on pushing away the nausea.

This was all still new. Them. Their relationship. Whatever JJ and Emily were. They had admitted their mutual feelings in a rush of emotion in a hotel room only a few weeks ago. Since, it has been a whirlwind of nights together, secret conversations and stolen glances across the bullpen. They were girlfriends. They had said that, so far. But, beyond that, the details of their relationship were still being established. 

With a team of profilers, JJ could only guess that they had already been made, but they still weren’t making it public to the team, just yet. It was nice to have secrets, since they often knew more about JJ than she knew about herself.

Walking JJ from her comfortable, half-asleep state, Emily’s alarm blared out from the clock radio on her side of the bed, an annoying beep that came as a preset on the device. 

“Time to get up.” Emily murmured into JJ’s hair, tickling her sides lightly, making JJ squeal and squirm.

“Stop!” JJ gasped, attempting to escape by wriggling around in Emily’s grasp.

She then leapt off the bed and grabbed Emily’s pillow for protection, wielding it like a weapon. 

Emily followed suit, standing with a pillow in hand. The two agents were soon engaged in a pillow fight, jumping and running around the room using the soft pillows as weapons, smacking each other on the head before dancing away.

They fought back and forth across the room, each landing a few solid blows on the other, one notably hitting Emily right in the face, messing up her oh-so-perfect bangs. 

JJ overcame with giggles as she leaped onto Emily, forcing her down onto the bed with her hands wrapped around the wrists of the taller girl. 

They landed with an oof  and JJ pinned her girlfriend by her arms, who looked up at her with a daring look in her eyes. JJ leaned down, closed the distance and kissed her gently. 

Emily strained against JJ’s grip, lifting her head up to deepen the kiss. Their lips moved against each other in a comfortable and familiar motion. Emily’s tongue swept between JJ’s lips, and she opened her mouth sliding her tongue against Emily’s. 

JJ let go of the other woman’s arms in favour of tangling her fingers through her dark hair, allowing Emily the freedom to hold onto JJ by the waist. 

“If we didn’t have to get to work soon, I’d take you here—again—on this bed. Just like I did last night,” Emily whispered between kisses. 

“ Please,” JJ gasped, desperate for Emily to keep touching her. 

“JJ, it’s already seven,” Emily whined. “We have to go.”

“I’ll be quick,” she said. “I promise.”

“We’re never quick.”

JJ pulled back, sitting up on the bed, still straddling Emily. Smiling down at her, “Fine. You owe me one tonight,” JJ said. 

“Deal.”

JJ stepped down onto the hardwood floor, her socked feet padding over to Emily’s closet. She chose a pair of black slacks and a beige sweater off the hook. She relaxed at the fact that between the cuddles and the pillow fight, her stomach had calmed down and her nausea was mostly abated. She could hear Emily stand up and walk up behind her. 

“That’s my sweater,” Emily said.

JJ looked down at it inquisitively. 

“No it isn’t,” she retorted, “I’ve had this forever. It was in my go bag and hung it up here last night.” 

“I lost it forever ago.”

JJ found herself smiling at her own accidental theft. She must have had it for long enough that she thought she owned it in the first place. 

“We can’t keep switching clothing,” Emily said, “We work with a bunch of highly trained profilers, they notice things like this for a living.”

“I can’t help it, I love wearing your clothes.”

Emily planted a kiss on her cheek, distracting her as she pulled her sweater out of JJ’s hands. 

“Morgan noticed that I was wearing your blue shirt last week,” Emily said, “He’s close to putting the pieces together. I hate lying to him.”

“I know,”  JJ sighed. “I guess I just like having something that’s just ours. For now at least.”

Emily nodded, then handed JJ another shirt— a white button-up that actually did originally belong to the blonde— to put on. JJ grinned at her, but decided she would steal Emily’s Yale sweater to sleep in that night as payback. 

A few minutes later, they both left Emily’s apartment in separate cars, still attempting to maintain the façade of ‘just friends’ for the rest of the team. JJ ignored the lingering worries about her upset stomach, knowing that she’d gone to work feeling worse in the past. She once chased an unsub with a high fever and didn’t blink, she could handle an upset stomach. She had work to do. 

 ———

After the sun set that day, the March rain had turned to snow. JJ watched it fall on the drive to the motel, swirling around her vision and covering the ground in a patchy blanket. They had flown to Maine that morning to investigate a string of murders of young men in the woods, and they were staying in a tiny motel off the highway. 

JJ was fighting the urge to sleep in the passenger seat, as Emily drove along the dark twisty, hilly road. In the back, Spencer Reid was looking out the windows at the forest that surrounded them. 

Her stomach was upset, again. A sloshing feeling that made her scrunch her nose up. The speed that the car was taking the turns quickly and the motion wasn’t helping her nausea. 

She opened her eyes, almost certain she was about to vomit . She felt exhausted and worn out, despite having a relatively easy workday.

The media in the sleepy town of Ellsworth, Maine weren’t particularly demanding, as all JJ had to do was give a short statement to The Ellsworth American, which was the name of the local paper. The reporter was a relaxed guy, about thirty, with a scruffy beard and tired eyes. After a short phone call and a promise to reveal more information once the case was wrapped up, JJ was mostly done for the day. 

Her normal activities of liaising with the local cops went smoothly and she ended up spending most of her time on paperwork and bouncing theories back and forth with Morgan and helping Reid with his geographical profile. 

“Are you ok, JJ?” Emily asked, glancing over at her quickly before turning again to make sure that she was watching the road. 

JJ placed a hand on her own forehead, trying to quell the motion sickness by the sheer willpower. 

“I guess I’m still not feeling well,” JJ confessed with a groan.

“What are your symptoms?” Reid piped up from the back seat. 

She wasn’t surprised that this piqued his interest. For a boy without a medical degree, he still lived up to the ‘doctor’ in front of his name. 

“I threw up this morning,” JJ admitted. “It’s nothing.”

“And you’re experiencing motion sickness, now?” he asked. 

“Yes, doctor,” JJ said sarcastically, still not opening her eyes. 

“She doesn’t have a fever yet,” Emily offered, “She probably doesn’t have the flu.”

“And we all ate the same meals today,” Reid mused, “It’s likely not food poisoning.”

“Unless you went rogue and ate something out of the precinct’s vending machine,” Emily quipped, “Who knows how long those have been there.”

JJ shook her head, still not able to open her eyes against the sloshing of her stomach. 

She had actually barely eaten anything that day, as the takeout they had ordered hadn’t sounded particularly appetising. She was just trying to make it back to the hotel without asking Emily to pull over.

“Well,” Reid continued, “You could be pregnant.”

JJ didn’t say anything as his words hit her like a brick. 

“Early pregnancy symptoms include missed periods, as well as fatigue, smell sensitivity, morning sickness, food aversions, mood swings and… er- breast changes, frequent urination,” he continued. “Not to mention bloating and raised basal body temperature.”

JJ rolled her eyes in his direction, but not before an awkward silence engulfed them. Emily said nothing, waiting for JJ’s response to the suggestion. 

She couldn’t be pregnant, she reasoned internally, she hadn’t had sex with a man in ages. Then, a memory flashed across her mind, reminding her that that wasn’t entirely true. 

Just about a month ago, before she and Emily had gotten together, she had spent the night with William LaMontagne Jr., the New Orleans cop that she had met on a case months before. 

It was February and Will had called her, asking if he could visit. JJ had said yes, because, at the time, she had all but given up on Emily. She had been certain that the profiler didn’t like her back. 

She and Will had drunken, mediocre sex that evening after they left the bar. They had used a condom, obviously. There was no chance she was pregnant. Well, if she had said this out loud, she knew Reid would say there was a zero point three percent chance, or something like that. 

Was her period late? She tried to do the mental math, but the mental math and her car sickness weren’t producing a satisfying answer.

JJ ran her hands through her hair nervously, laughing off Reid’s words despite her racing thoughts. 

“Don’t worry,” JJ said with a laugh, “I think I would know if I were pregnant.”

Even as the words left her mouth, JJ knew she didn’t quite believe them. She did have morning sickness, fatigue and even what could be described as food aversion. She couldn’t tell if the emotions she had felt that day were the normal turmoil of working with serial murders or a symptom of something. 

“Or you could be exhausted by working back to back cases and this is your body telling you to slow down,” Reid said, clearly back tracking. 

“That’s probably it, Jayje,” Emily said, glancing nervously over at the blonde, who’s hand was rubbing her eyes against the glow of the street lights leading up to the motel.

“Yeah,” JJ said as they pulled into the driveway, sighing in relief as she stumbled out of the car, desperate for some solid ground to calm her stomach. 

She wasn’t pregnant. She was just stressed and overworked. They had had a bulk of hard cases this winter and it was taking a toll. Nothing more.

 ———

The case progressed relatively normally. The team built the profile and was able to track down a few suspects off some suspicious elements from their internet presence. 

They had narrowed it down to two men, who happened to live on opposite sides of the unsub’s comfort area.  After a stake out, the team finally caught the unsub on his way to revisit the crime scene.

After a long interrogation, they had gotten a full confession.

Leaving the processing to the local brass, the team was on a flight out of Maine that night.

They were seated side by side on the jet, with the table in front of them and a fast-asleep Hotch opposite to them. His head was leaning off to the side, his arms crossed in front of his chest. 

JJ curled up on her chair, her legs pulled up onto the seat, her usual blanket tossed over to Emily, as she was feeling uncomfortably hot despite the climate controlled private jet. 

“What’s wrong?” Emily whispered, noticing the face JJ was making, “Still nauseous?”

“I’m just tired,” JJ said. “I think it’s hot in here.”

Emily tilted her head slightly, looking back to JJ quizzically. 

“It’s not any hotter than normal, JJ,” she said. “You sure you're ok?”

“Maybe I am coming down with something,” JJ admitted. “It is the tail end of flu season.”

“Take the weekend off,” another voice joined their conversation. Hotch lifted his head up and was looking at her with concern. She guessed he wasn’t actually asleep after all, and was glad she and Emily hadn’t been whispering about other things.“We all need a break after these back-to-back cases.”

JJ nodded, knowing that she would still have her cell phone on, and that with her job, there was rarely any time off, but was happy to spend the weekend home instead of in a random hotel room. 

The plane landed in Quantico late that night. It was a rainy evening, and they had to walk quickly across the tarmac under a spare umbrella that Emily had tucked away in the carry-on compartment. 

Leaving the airport, once again in separate cars, JJ drove over to Emily’s, trying to clear her mind by listening to some music.

They had a system. An unspoken communication that meant that unless someone said otherwise, they would meet at Emily’s apartment once they were home. It was closer to work, not to mention much nicer than JJ’s tiny one-bedroom.

As JJ drove, Reid’s words were repeating themselves in her head. You could be pregnant. JJ bit her lip, trying to focus on the road. 

Nausea she could explain away. She had food poisoning, or the flu. Same with her lack of appetite. And the fact that her period was a few days late. The fatigue was from working so hard. 

But together? It painted a picture that JJ didn’t want to see. Pregnant? Off a one-night hookup that convinced her that the relationship wouldn’t go anywhere? Impossible. Improbable. Unlikely. 

What if she was?

Still, JJ found herself pulling into a gas station just outside of DC. She parked next to the store, taking a deep breath in and out before working up the nerve to go in.

She hopped out of her car and wandered into the shop, blinking at the brightness of the fluorescent lights and grabbing a few snacks before coming up to the shelf on which pregnancy tests were placed. There were two options: one much more expensive than the other. Assuming that it meant it was probably better, she grabbed two of that brand, adding it to the pile of chocolate and bags of cheetos in her arms.

I’m not actually pregnant, JJ assured herself. This is just to be sure. 

[vhsrights]

first “i love you” / love confession - @sapphicinephile

Love Isn’t Bound by Languages - Jemily

WC: 1612

IT’S FINALLY DONE. :)

“Kiss the cook? Don’t mind if I do, but only if the pasta turns out good.” JJ made strong eye contact, hoping that Emily caught on to the weight of her words.

“Oh, well then. I guess I’ll be getting kissed tonight. Lucky me.”

The door settled into place with a soft click and JJ walked to the side, removing her coat and shoes. She had brought the ingredients for their wine and cooking night. Fresh tomatoes, herbs, and pasta rustled around in the tote bag. They had opted to make pasta that Emily had suggested, remembering her time watching the cooks in her childhood kitchen. JJ had readily agreed because she was never one to turn down food and wanted to see Emily’s prowess in cooking. Speaking of the brunette, she wasn’t visible as JJ moved slowly through the apartment.

Warm candlelight engulfed the room in front of her. The skylight windows provided an unrestricted view of the world beneath her. It was humbling in a way that Jennifer couldn’t describe. She stood high in this tiny apartment, watching the people below her bustle about their lives, unaware of her gaze. Pulling her eyes away from the outside, JJ meandered around the apartment’s living room. Her eyes slowly perused the sparse art that was on the wall. It gave the apartment an air of grace, but one that felt fake and inauthentic to the woman that she knew lived within its walls.

“Jen.” The way that her nickname sounded, full of elegance, drove more butterflies into JJ’s stomach.

“Em, hey. I got the groceries. Are you ready?”

JJ turned around and was met with Emily. The woman looked unexplainably gorgeous in her casual flannel, t-shirt, and sweats combo. JJ felt her thoughts stutter as she took in the brunette. She couldn’t move as Emily glided past her, her gait full of confidence and aimed towards the kitchen.

“Hey, Jen. You coming?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry about that.” JJ turned around and followed Emily while blushing.

She was glad that it had been cold outside, giving her an excuse for her tinted cheeks.

“Alrighty, so first things first. Here is your apron.” Emily pulled out an apron that had “It’s not burnt! Just Crispy!” and JJ laughed. “Hey, I thought you’d like it.”

Emily fake a pout as JJ grabbed the apron and tied it around her waist, still giggling. The cloth somehow still managed to hang loose. Emily noticed and ignored her rapidly beating heart before speaking. She hid her hands in her pockets as they fidgeted increasingly harder to keep her guise of calmness.

“I can help you tie it, Jen. Here, I got it.” Emily pushed off from the counter and circumvented the blonde.

She grabbed the string of the apron. Her hands barely brushed against JJ’s waist yet sent jolts through both of them. Not wanting to prolong their closeness for fear of her heart’s desires, Emily deftly tied the bow. Luckily, or “unluckily”, there was a second set of strings to be tied around JJ’s neck. Of course, she had picked the apron with two sets of ties. Silently reprimanding herself, Emily pushed JJ’s hair to the side. Her hands hesitated as she worked up her nerve.

Stop making this weird. The longer you wait, the more off you’ll seem to Jen. Get it together, Prentiss. Jeez, you’re like a teenager with a crush.

“Em, you okay? Can you tie it?” JJ could feel her heartbeat in her throat, trying to suppress her nerves from bubbling up.

“Yeah. Yeah. It’s done.” Emily made haste in finishing the knot and answering her, pulling away to soothe her racing heart.

She grabbed her own apron and threw it on. This one didn’t have two ties. Lucky Emily. JJ began to giggle once more as she pulled the ingredients out of her tote bag, leaving Emily confused.

“What?” She truly had no idea what JJ was giggling at.

“Did they have a sale at the punny apron store?” Emily looked at her with ample confusion. “Kiss the cook? Don’t mind if I do, but only if the pasta turns out good.” JJ made strong eye contact, hoping that Emily caught on to the weight of her words.

“Oh, well then. I guess I’ll be getting kissed tonight. Lucky me.”

Two could play at this game. The words were no different from their usual banter. However, where they were, about to cook, made it a whole other playing field. Neither woman was one to back down from a competition. The two moved easily around the kitchen, shifting past each other as if they had been doing it for years. Emily’s straightforward instructions left nothing to be desired and helped the women accomplish their dish in the perfect amount of time.

JJ may have nicked herself with the knife a couple of times, but what’s art without a few hiccups. Italian music serenaded them softly from the background. It was like a scene out of a cheesy romantic movie, one that Emily pretended to hate but secretly loved. Both women stole plentiful yearning looks at each other. They caught each other’s eyes and were quick to tear them away.

“Jen, can I get a taste of that?” Emily rested her hand softly on JJ’s hip, leaning over her side to sip the sauce.

“Sure. Here.” JJ felt the warmth of Emily’s body behind her. She had to focus to keep her hand from shaking as she lifted it for the brunette.

Emily tasted the sauce and all but moaned at its illustrious flavors. JJ was extremely thankful that the brunette was standing behind her. Her cheeks had flushed at the sound and her body froze. God, she is trying to kill me. She set the spoon to the side and turned her focus back to the food, as much as her mind would allow. They worked in perfect harmony for the rest of the time; joking, laughing, dancing, and cooking together.

Emily eventually plated the food with JJ’s help. The women marveled at their creation, eager to dig into the dishes. They high-fived before separating one final time. JJ set the table and Emily did some basic cleaning in the kitchen.

“Rossi could never,” Emily smirked mischievously as the two sat down to eat.

“Oh, of course not. We are the new Papa Pastas.” JJ encouraged the joke, thinking to their older teammate’s staunch relationship to pasta.

The food not only looked enticing, but it also tasted heavenly. Both women didn’t speak for the rest of the dinner time, enraptured by their dinner. Emily and JJ occasionally glanced over at each other, conveying their content and other emotions. Neither own wanted to acknowledge the beautiful domesticity of the moment. This was something that both women wanted to do for the rest of their lives, held back by the barrier of unspoken words. Time passed on and the women moved from the table to kitchen, easily washing and putting away dishes for a later time.

Eventually they settled on the couch, heavily poured wine glasses in hand. The evening had gone perfectly.

“Wow. That was so delicious. I think that I owe a thanks to your mother’s cooks. That recipe was perfect.” JJ sipped her wine as Emily watched her with love in her eyes.

“Absolutely. They make me remember that simpler time. My world was so small, and they helped me get through each day.” JJ beamed, noticing the ease and tranquility that had erased the lines of strain and overworking from Emily’s face.

“Speaking of world, I have a question.” Emily thought of her question and smiled.

“Go for it, Em,” JJ spoke, with her interest peaked.

“If you could shout one thing from the rooftops, in any language, and to everyone in the world, what would you say?” Emily watched the light grow in JJ’s eyes.

The blonde’s eyes widened and her mind froze. She had been learning Italian in her spare time, trying to build the courage to use with Emily. She had only needed to learn one phrase, but the rest were useful as well. Now was her shot. Waiting a short second before inhaling deeply, JJ spoke the only phrase in Italian that she fully understood.

“Sono innamorato di Emily Prentiss.”

Emily stopped. Her brain went into overdrive. Translating and retranslating the phrase, hoping that it meant what she understood it to be. I am in love with Emily Prentiss. Her heart was beating in her throat and her thoughts were hazy. She set the wine glass down and looked at JJ, really studying her. She only saw love and admiration, not finding the joke or deceit that she imagined. This was really happening.

“Sono innamorato di Jennifer Jareau.”

The words rolled off of her tongue smoothly as they had done many a time before. Except now, Jennifer would actually hear it. JJ let out the breath she had been holding. I am in love with Jennifer Jareau. It was unbelievable, but her mind began to whizz through things to say.

The only thing that came out was, “Really?”

“Yes. From the first time I spoke to you, and so much more since then.” JJ couldn’t help but smile with all of the hope and love that was bubbling out of her.

“It was the same for me. I fell for you, so hard that I guess I didn’t see you falling for me too. So, can I?” JJ pointed at Emily.

“Can you what?” Not realizing that she hadn’t taken off her apron, Emily looked down.

Kiss the Cook.

“The pasta was beyond amazing, so I have to keep my promise.” JJ giggled and Emily rapidly agreed.

Emily pulled JJ in for a kiss. Their lips met and the world stopped around them. It was the perfect end to their night.

That night, JJ and Emily truly learned that love isn’t bound by languages.

[j-casper]

Part 1: Emily Prentiss & teenage!Reader + Jemily

Tw: mention of stalking

| | |

There were few facts of life that you knew to be absolutely true without a doubt, much like how you knew the sky to be blue and your mother’s eyes to be dark brown.

Indeed, your life revolved around facts: the fact that your birth father didn’t stick around and left your mother to raise you alone, the fact that your mother loved you more than her job and that she would do anything for you, and even the fact that your mother was hopelessly in love with her coworker.

Yet, despite all these facts, your mother’s coworkers didn’t even know you existed, much less have even met you, but you could see the fond look in your mother’s eyes when talking about her them—her second set of family not including you.

Night after night she would weave stories of them to you: Hotch’s tough guy facade that held a man with a strong love for his son underneath, Rossi’s fatherly attitude and advice, Morgan’s constant jokes and protective nature, Penelope’s sweet and kind personality, Reid’s endless facts and wisdom that led your mother to see him as a younger brother, and JJ’s strength and beauty as she juggles being a divorced single mom to her only son.

It was through these stories that you grew to know the other people your mother called her family and by the time you’re seventeen, you feel as if you know these people as much as your mother does.

That’s why when you find yourself in trouble you also find yourself in Quantico, backpack slung over one shoulder and a yellow envelope held tightly in your fist. A visitor badge reading Y/n Prentiss is clipped neatly on the pocket of your short sleeve, button down shirt and you shift nervously at the stares your appearance invokes.

Before long, you find yourself in the office part of the building, slowing down your pace to carefully take in the multiple desks and people lounging around working.

“Hi sweetie. Do you need any help?”

You let out a little squeak at the unknown voice, spinning around and allowing your y/e/c eyes to meet blue. You blink, recognizing the woman instantly from your mother’s stories and pictures.

“You’re JJ,” you stated and upon seeing a shock look enter the woman’s eyes, you hastened to explain yourself, “I—I need help. Please.”

You held out the envelope in your hand, allowing JJ to take it from you and carefully open it, an unreadable expression crossing her face at the contents. It felt like years went by before she finally looked up and nodded at you once.

“Come with me.”

...

“Everyone, this is—” before JJ could even realize that she didn’t know your name or notice your visitor badge, your mother spoke up, her voice shocked.

“Y/n/n? Sweetie? What’s wrong?” Concern shone across her face and before you could even think, tears found their way into your eyes and you sniffled.

Your next word shocked everyone in the room, although you couldn’t find it in yourself to care as you were distraught and reaching out to the only person that could make you feel better.

“Mama,” you choked out and your mom was up in an instant. You practically threw yourself into her arms, whimpering and sniffling, tears making their way onto the shoulder of her blouse from where your face was tucked into her neck.

Minutes went by before your mom finally pulled back, concern in her eyes as she looked you over worriedly, no doubt looking for signs of injury or physical hurt. Her hand carefully squeezed yours once her “inspection” was done, pulling back fully and stepping slightly back, just now realizing how many people were in the room.

It didn’t bother you.

You knew she wasn’t ashamed of you, but had just always thought it was safer if few knew about you in order to keep you away from the world your mom was privy through from work. You knew also that your mom was a very private person in general, so no doubt none of her coworkers received many hints about your existence or tells.

They might have noticed the days that your mom journeyed into work wearing bags under her eyes from spending all night awake with you due to your sickness or the days when cases stayed over that she separated from the group to call you privately and inform you or even the day that they arrived home from a case and your mother immediately rushed home, just in time to celebrate a few hours of your birthday with you.

Yes, no doubt they had noticed but even those small tells could have easily been overlooked as tiredness or having a boyfriend or a late night date, and judging by the absolute shock written across the team’s faces, you could tell that they had overlooked those things.

Nevertheless, you willed your tears to go away, wiping your face with the arm of your sleeve and clearing your throat nervously, feeling the eyes on you scrutinizing every detail of your appearance, down to your favorite shoes.

“Prentiss?” A voice asked and you turned to look in the direction of the voice, sensing the confusion in it. From your mother’s descriptions, you identified the person as Morgan, your mom’s partner. Your mom turned and gave a timid smile, her hand coming to fall gently on your shoulder.

“Everyone,” she started, standing up straighter and a look of nervousness in her eyes, “this is Y/n...my kid.”

“Hello,” you piped up, awkwardly waving and managing a half-hearted smile. They blinked.

It felt like minutes passed by until finally a squeal broke through the air and before you could blink, you found yourself in a tight embrace, blonde hair tickling your nose.

“Oh, another baby to spoil,” Penelope said excitedly.

You opened your mouth to protest being called a baby but quickly shut it, feeling how Penelope was radiating with excitement. Her grip on you was tight though and you hestitantly squirmed to avoid being impolite. She let you go, stepping back and giving everyone time to see your bewildered, wide-eyed face. Some couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Y/n,” your mom’s hand making her way to yours caused you to blink and snap out of your thoughts, her hand softly squeezing yours, “what’s wrong, sweetheart? Why are you here?”

You paused, unsure how to answer so JJ spoke up, yellow envelope still in her hand, “I think I can explain that.”

Carefully, she opened the envelope, sliding out the single content inside: a photograph. Turning it around to face the rest of the team, you heard Penelope’s gasp and your mother’s sharp intake of breath at the sight of a picture of you asleep in bed, taken from outside your bedroom window.

“I think,” you spoke up then, voice wobbling, “that someone is stalking me.”

...

JJ’s office was dimly lit, lamp illuminating your face from where you sat near it. Wrapped in a thin blanket, you carefully answered JJ’s questions. They had decided it best to not bring you to the interrogation room and instead place you somewhere more comforting, which led to you being in JJ’s office and her interviewing you.

“Is there anyone from school or outside of it that pays special attention to you, that maybe interacts with you more than anyone else?” JJ asked gently and you shook your head.

“I don’t really interact with many people,” you admit in a whisper, shrugging your shoulders, “I think I would notice someone paying a lot of attention to me, but I could be wrong.”

JJ nodded, “okay. Well, tell me about you, your friends and hobbies.”

Softly, you spoke about your friends and your hobbies, touching on the clubs you were in and the extracurriculars you participated in. You even mentioned your plans after high school.

By the time the interview was done, JJ’s paper was full of notes and you paused, staring. You watched her tuck a strand of blonde hair behind her ear as she carefully wrote down notes in a fountain pen. You could see why your mom was in love with her, her dedication showing even on her face as she was writing.

Before you could help it, words came tumbling out, “my mom talks about you guys, you know.” JJ looked up, startled, and blinked. You didn’t allow her to respond, speaking further, “I know you guys are probably mad that she didn’t say anything about me, but she told me so much about you guys that I recognized you all upon first meeting. You’re her family as much as I am.” You spoke matter of fact, knowing what you spoke to be true. The team was your mom’s family.

JJ smiled, a soft and affection one that caused you to wonder, “I’m glad your mom feels that way.”

You hummed thoughtfully, recalling your mom’s stubborness and thick walls towards anyone that wasn’t you, “me too.”

You smiled.

[iridescent-hallucinations]

When the Night Comes

Mildly Angsty Jemily Fic

Summary:  Emily Prentiss finds comfort in the darkness. Jennifer Jareau is a shining beacon of light. Can their worlds ever really collide?

Pairing: Jennifer “JJ” Jareau x Emily Prentiss 

Word Count: 1921

Read it on AO3

Nightfall is easier. The cloak of darkness wraps around her body, concealing as well as comforting. People are usually afraid of the dark, but not Emily. She embraced the darkness a long time ago, specifically, on a mild Italian evening, just 15 years old, when the light was too much to bare and the hand wrapped around hers as they walked through church was pulling her from the depths of despair.

No, there’s safety in the shadows, the shadows don’t expose the secrets buried deeply in ones soul. Maybe that’s the reason this job came so easily to her, she didn’t even flinch at the horrors presented to them on a daily basis. Maybe that’s why she took so naturally to profiling; she already chose to dwell among the darkness.

With the daytime comes the scrutiny, people can gaze and the trauma is harder to hide. That’s why she buries herself in her job, so the stares are averted from her, onto the monsters and the demons that walk this Earth. It’s easy to lose oneself in the false sense of security created by the sun light, that’s why she strives to push it away, waiting until night comes to truly show herself.

As she sits in her apartment, drinking alone, she has to admit that the days have been easier since joining the BAU, Penelope, Derek, Spencer, JJ, they break up the danger. Learning to trust them has been a difficult road to walk - there’s a sense of dread that swells in the bottom of Emily’s stomach at the thought.

None of them really knew her, she felt a sense of bereavement at this thought, the little girl inside of her was screaming for her to just give in, be known, be seen, be heard. It had been too long since she’d felt any sense of commitment to another human being.

The second she felt a pang of belonging Emily knew she was in trouble. If she belonged she risked being hurt, all those years of moving pillar to post had given her enough rejection to last a lifetime. The last time she belonged anywhere were the darkest moments of her life, pretending to play house with a mob boss; a killer. But that wasn’t her, that was Lauren, she once again reassured herself, that life had been a constructed reality. It wasn’t real.

So then why did it hurt so much? If it was all just make believe, why did she risk it all to protect that little boy? Surely the affection she felt for Declan was real? But if so, was there some part of her that actually felt warmth towards Ian?

The thought sharply slammed her back to reality. Sighing to herself Emily shifted, standing from the single seater she’d been lounging in to pour herself another drink - Gin and Tonic. If her mind was going to do this tonight, she needed the liquid confidence to take the edge off. Watching the clear liquid fill her glass, Emily tried her best to think of something, anything, other than Lauren.

Picking up the glass with both hands, Emily made her way back to the chair. Resuming her position, she drank deeply, wincing at the way the alcohol strummed harshly at her taste buds. She knew this wasn’t productive, she should have just gone to the bar with everyone else, but when Derek had asked if she was joining, something in her knew what tonight would bring - and it was not going to be the night she unravelled to them. Night time can only bring cover if you let it.

Alarm bells and the way she saw disappointment flicker across JJ’s face told Emily she was making the right choice. Her thoughts had wandered from her old life, she was pleased to be thinking of something else. Jennifer. Emily mouthed the word, no noise coming out, testing how it tasted on her tongue. Like honey. Sweet, but with the potential to be sickening.

Emily had been struggling with her feelings for the younger woman for a while now, she blamed herself, it was typical of her to read too much into things. The looks, the comments, the touches, Emily had documented every single one, logged them into some sort of database in her brain to be over analysed when she was alone. It wasn’t the fact that JJ was a woman that was throwing Emily off, she had found out quite quickly into adulthood that she had a preference for women, it was the tugging in her chest and the tightening at the pit of her stomach.

If Emily didn’t know better she would have thought she was in love. A preposterous idea. To be in love was not part of her plan. If she was in love, she left herself exposed to all kinds of pain, she left herself open, vulnerable to attack. All of this seemed perfectly logical to the brunette, who had almost drained the last of her drink, staring into the glass, watching the ice clink against the side.

Sighing again, Emily swallowed the last of the liquid, waiting for the coolness of the sharp alcohol to hit her stomach. As her head span slightly from intoxication, the darkness settled in, it’s where she belonged, and Jennifer Jareau was not darkness. JJ was light, bright, stunning, she was everything that Emily longed to be when she was young.

The blonde was graceful, strong but subtle, she illuminated any room she walked into, and Emily was very aware that this caused her to retreat. Jennifer Jareau could single handedly unravel all of the hard work Emily had put in to remaining unseen, in the shadows.

The cover of darkness could only do so much when the younger woman was around, the brightness she emits had the potential to eradicate even the most stubborn of shadows that Emily longed to remain hidden in.

A rap echoed from within the apartment causing Emily to jump at the sudden sound. Immediately on high alert, she stood, quickly reaching for her weapon she kept in the drawer of the living room. How sad that she felt so wary in her own home - the thought was passing - but a split second, before she made her way to the front door. Another knock, louder this time, but Emily had braced herself for it, the sound didn’t pierce the silence like it had the first time. Creeping quietly to the door, Emily looked through the peep hole.

Exhaling a breath she didn’t realise she was holding, Emily relaxed, lowered her gun and placing it on the chest next to her keys. Blonde hair and blue eyes greeted her on the other side of the door. Why JJ had decided to show up at such an hour puzzled her briefly, had something happened? She was sure she’d had her phone on loud. The third knock caught her off guard, startling her but grounding her back in the moment.

Swinging the door open, Emily couldn’t hide the obvious confusion knitted in her eyebrows. JJ saw it immediately, and chuckled slightly at the brunette before her. Engaged in an accidental stand off, the two women just stood there, blinking at each other for a good few seconds before JJ finally spoke.

“Hey, you gonna let me in or?”

Realising she was still blocking the doorway with her body, Emily’s mind raced through a hundred different scenarios in a fraction of a second, stepping back and allowing JJ in.

“Gosh, of course, sorry - I, I hadn’t been expecting anyone this late.” Emily offered, closing the door behind the blonde.

Finally settling on an emotion, Emily was not thrilled to realise it was panic. JJ’s presence was already filling her apartment with a soft but bright hue, this was not part of the plan, this was not part of the plan; she repeated the thought as if it were a mantra.

“So what can I do for you?” The brunette finally managed, stepping further into the apartment, cautious not to get too close to the blonde and her ethereal glow, who was stood in the middle of the room.

“Can’t a gal just stop by to say hi?” JJ laughed, still finding Emily’s rigidity amusing. “Actually... there was something I wanted to talk about.”

JJ had obviously also had a drink, she wasn’t drunk - Emily could see that in her piercing blue eyes - but she was loose, looser than usual. Emily checked herself quickly, noticing her hard stance, and dropped her shoulders that she hadn’t realised she was tensing. Taking in JJ’s words, Emily realised it was normal for friends to visit each other out of the blue, it saddened her briefly to think she had never had anyone to stop by unannounced before joining the BAU.

“Of course, you’re always welcome here, can I get you a drink?” Emily asked, ignoring the way JJ’s eyebrows had lifted at her casual comment. Friendship was as foreign to Emily as Russian was to the average Americans.

“If you’re offering - I’ll just have whatever you’re having,” JJ answered, attempting to hide her nerves by deflecting attention away from herself and pointing to Emily’s discarded Gin glass on the coffee table.

“Oh, I was, uh, just having a nice G&T, takes the edge off after a long day I find, makes for a good night cap really, although it’s bitter as hell, they didn’t have any pomegranate tonic at the store,” Emily cursed at herself for being so awkward, why did she say so many words? No one asked, she was better at communicating than this. Making her way to the kitchen counter to pour JJ a glass, she blamed the mild intoxication.

JJ followed Emily into the kitchen, bringing the discarded glass with her.

“You might need this if you’re going to have one too,” JJ said, placing the glass down next to Emily.

Looking up to meet JJ’s stare, Emily dropped the cap of the gin bottle onto the floor, the brightness JJ exuded was getting dangerously close to the shadow Emily was trying to lurk in.

Bending to reach for the cap, Emily took a deep breath to compose herself, and thankfully, by the time she returned to pouring the drinks, JJ had wandered back into the living room.

“Pull it together Prentiss, this was not part of the plan” she muttered to herself, she grabbed the glasses and made her a way back into the other room silently praying the cover of night would disguise the way her heart was racing and her hands were shaking.

Unbeknownst to Emily, JJ was having her own internal conflict. It had been a long time coming, but sat in that bar, watching her closest friends flirt, dance, and laugh with other people, JJ couldn’t shake the picture of a certain brunette from her mind. Clouding the edges of the image, JJ always saw a shadow creeping around the outline of Emily. Whatever was hiding there, JJ decided she was going to find out. After all, isn’t that what friends are supposed to do? Shine a light on the darkness and hold your hand?

Shaking her head, JJ knew she was kidding herself. Emily Prentiss was more than a friend to her, she just hadn’t worked out how to express this in a way that wouldn’t ruin everything if it all fell apart. Instead of shining a light on Emily, maybe it was time to find her in the darkness.

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

in love with you

just some jemily yearning.

She watches, always from a distance. Brown eyes flit, fast and subtle, catching each movement, each facial twitch, each glint of light reflecting off of honeyed tones. She watches from behind long lashes, dark eyes finding blue, darting away whenever she is caught, a bashful smile on her dark lips, an embarrassed blush creeping up her pale cheeks. But she needn’t be embarrassed. She listens, longing for the lilt of a light, carefree laugh. Her eyes are down, but her heart lifts when she hears it. It’s followed by the click of heels across the bullpen floor, and all too soon, she’s floating past, leaving a cloud of the perfume Emily knows so well behind her. Emily watches her go, watches her hair bounce as she walks with confidence, shimmering like liquid gold. She knows her movements so well by now, that she knows that walk, and the sense of urgency behind it. They have a case.

It’s nothing new, but the pain of being shot still takes her breath away. Just another scar to add to the ones that already play dot-to-dot over her skin. The hand on her shoulder is warm, the fingers that brush at her collarbone delicate and long, feminine. She knows it’s JJ before she touches her, though, by the scent that has engulfed her. It’s fruity, the top notes remind her of spring, of the sun; cherry and maybe there’s some vanilla in there too, somewhere. She doesn’t know, and she can’t figure it out because she’s being pulled away from the crime scene by a strong arm around her shoulder, and knows it’s Rossi, that the others have gone after the Unsub, the bastard who shot her. 

There are more shots, and she tears away from him, her feet moving of their own accord. Because she’s scared, now. More scared than she thinks she’s ever been. JJ is in that building, and there were more shots fired. She can feel her spring coming to an end, as a burning pain that feels like the hottest, driest, most suffocating summer races towards her heart. For a moment, she feels a fear she thinks might drown her.

Then she’s there. And she’s not shot, just winded from running. She frowns, as though confused by the relief on Emily’s face, and then makes some remark about shouldn’t you be getting that seen to? Before she’s gone, heading to a car with Hotch and their unsub, without a glance back. But she’s safe. And that’s what matters. That, and the smell of her that lingers, long after the car has driven away.

It’s days later that they’re in the bar. Emily can’t drink, because she’s still on her meds, but the rest of them are already merry. For once, they’re jovial and weightless, not dragged down by the weight of their job. It’s easy and it feels good, and it’s harmless, Emily tells herself, when JJ, a little too drunk, leans her head on her shoulder. She’s wearing that perfume, and it assaults Emily’s senses. She muttering something about you’re so strong, I wish I was more like you. Emily can barely hear a word she’s saying, so overstimulated are her other senses. Her skin erupts into goosebumps where JJ’s breath breezes across her collarbone, her eyes trace JJ’s hand as it grasps for her own, and Emily lets her take it, because she wants it. She gets whatever she wants. It’s nice, when JJ interlocks their fingers. More than nice. Emily hopes she can’t hear the way her heart is trying to beat out of her chest.

Then she’s gone, and it’s cold. It takes her a moment to adjust, and when Emily turns, she’s just in time to see the kiss JJ presses to Will’s lips, to see his arms wind around her narrow waist and his hands settle at the small of her back, pulling her flush against him. Emily turns away, quickly. There’s something very private about that moment that she shouldn’t be watching. It’s cold, now. She grabs for her bag, mumbling her excuses to the rest of them, and passes the happy couple as JJ leads Will back to their table.

are you going? there’s something like disappointment in the blonde’s eyes, but it’s nothing compared to the crushing weight of emotion in Emily’s chest. She nods, forces a smile. i’ll see you monday. She turns to leave, but she’s not fast enough, and JJ has her arms wrapped around her in a hug. It lasts only a moment, and then the blonde is turning back to the table full of their friends. And then she’s gone, stepping out into the night, shivering against the rain that has started to fall, with tears in her eyes, and the scent of her perfume on her skin.

[ssa-jennifer-prentiss]

I Will Always Be Here For You

hi! i love to write, especially jemily, so i figured i would share some of it. this is the first one i’m sharing so please please please let me know what you think!!

i apologize that this one is a little sad, but sometimes writing is therapy and this topic hits home this week so jj has to deal with my feelings.

pairing: jj/emily

words: 1339

tw: suicide (roslyn’s death)

this one is set after 3x15

The team had just returned from a case in Pittsburgh. The unsub was killing his victims in ways that made it seem like suicide. This case hit JJ a little harder than she cared to admit. She had never given herself a chance to cope with and grieve her sister’s death. The fact that this case was so close to her hometown didn’t help either.

She made her way to her office, closing the door behind her. Taking a seat at her desk, she looked at the countless files sitting in front of her knowing she had a lot of work ahead of her. It was early evening and she figured she could stay a few more hours. She had attempted to take a nap on the flight home, but every time she closed her eyes she saw Roslyn.

Sighing, she ran her hand through her hair before picking up a file from the large stack on her desk. She only made it through a few when she heard a knock on the door.

“Come in,” she called without looking up. Emily stepped in and shut the door behind her. “Hey Em,” she said with a small smile. Since the day they met, Emily’s presence always made JJ feel a little better.

“Hey Jayje, I… um… I just wanted to see if you were okay? Maybe I was reading you wrong and I hope I’m not overstepping by asking, but you just seemed kind of… off.”

JJ looked down at her hands, she really thought she hid how the case affected her. Of course, if anyone were to notice it would be Emily. Her and Emily had spent a lot of time swapping stories and getting to know each other on a deeper level, but Roslyn was a topic she always avoided. There were so many unresolved feelings and so much grief that came along with it.

“JJ?” Emily’s voice brought her out of her thoughts.

“Oh, sorry. I’m fine. It’s been a long week and I have all of these files to get through.” She smiled at Emily, not sure of how long she could keep speaking before breaking.

“I don’t want to push, but it seems like a bit more than that. Ever since we started this case you just haven’t seemed like yourself.”

JJ bit her lip and looked down at her hands again. “This one just hit a little close to home,” her voice wavered slightly as she spoke. She quickly blinked back the tears she felt spring to her eyes.

“Can we talk about it?” Emily asked softly and motioned toward the small couch that sat against the window in JJ’s office.

“I don’t know, Em. It’s a lot.”

“I’m here to listen when you need it Jayje. Please talk to me.” She patted the seat on the couch beside her. JJ just sat and looked at her for a second. What did she do to deserve someone like Emily?

She made her way over to the couch, sitting down right next to Emily. She was nervous to talk about Roslyn. She spent so much time shoving down her feelings and refusing to deal with her grief. She knew she could trust Emily, but the thought of this conversation still scared her. Emily could feel the nerves radiating off of JJ. She reached out and placed a comforting hand on her arm.

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want Jen.”

JJ shook her head, “No, I need to. I’ve just never really talked about this with anyone before.” She reached for Emily’s hand and tangled their fingers together.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Emily gave her fingers a gentle squeeze, “I’m right here.” JJ nodded. They sat there in silence a little longer while JJ tried to collect her thoughts.

JJ sat staring across the room, gripping Emily’s hand like a life line. “I had an older sister,” she began, trying her best to keep her voice steady, “Her name was Roslyn. She was my best friend.” She took a deep breath before continuing, “When she was 17, she uh… she took my dad’s razor and…” She trailed off, not being able to finish as she began to cry harder.

Emily quickly wrapped her arms around JJ tightly, holding her close while she cried. “Shh Jay, you’re alright.” She ran her fingers through JJ’s hair in an attempt to soothe her. JJ sat clinging to Emily until she was able to calm herself enough to talk.

“I’m so sorry,” she said as a few more tears slipped out, “It was so long ago, I don’t know why it hit me so hard.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” she reached up to wipe the stray tears from JJ’s cheeks, “Losing someone you love is never easy. There are going to be some days that are harder than others and that’s okay.”

“This case just brought up some unresolved feelings I guess.”

“Talking through them might make you feel a little better,” she smiled softly, “I’m here to help if you’ll let me.”

“Can we maybe not do this here?”

“We can go to my place. I’ve got wine and a much comfier couch.”

“You had me at wine,” she stood and grabbed her bag. Her and Emily made their way out of the office to their cars. It was about a half hour drive to Emily’s which gave JJ time to prepare herself for the conversation about the feelings she knew she needed to address before they ate her alive.

They arrived at Emily’s apartment, and made their way inside. “Would you like something a bit more comfortable to wear?” Emily asked.

“That would be great,” JJ smiled, taking the sweatshirt and shorts from Emily. They changed quickly before heading to the living room.

JJ sat against the armrest of the couch and tucked her feet under her. Emily grabbed two glasses and a bottle of wine from the kitchen. She sat the glasses on the coffee table before settling next to JJ. That sat in a comfortable silence, sipping their wine when JJ finally spoke.

“I was only eleven when it happened,” she took a deep breath and continued, “I was the one who found her.” The tears threatened to fall from her eyes again.

“Oh Jayje…” she spoke softly, reaching her hand out to rub soothing circles on JJ’s thigh.

“Ever since we started this case I haven’t been able to sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see her in that bath tub,” the tears were flowing more freely now.

“Honey, why didn’t you mention it? Maybe I could’ve helped.”

“I’ve never told anyone about this. It always makes me feel guilty. I should’ve seen it, I should’ve done something.”

“Hey, look at me,” she lifted JJ’s chin so their eyes met, “None of this is your fault. You were eleven, there’s not much you could’ve known.”

“I miss her so much,” she collapsed into Emily’s arms. Emily just let her cry, knowing she needed this. JJ pulled back after a few minutes, her voice hoarse from crying, “I never got to process her death. I always had to be the strong one for my parents, especially my mom. I’m usually fine when cases deal with suicide… but this one… this one just got to me.”

“There are going to be bad days and bad cases,” she tucked a piece of blonde hair behind JJ’s ear, “And that’s okay. Can you promise me something?” JJ nodded. “When you do have a bad day, or a case is too much, promise me you’ll let me know?”

“I promise,” JJ smiled at Emily and pulled her in for a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“Always.” JJ turned so she was tucked into Emily’s side. They sat content and cuddled together, watching a movie. JJ felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She had never been more thankful for someone than she was for Emily in that moment.

thanks for reading! let me know what you think!

[welshdragonrawr]

WIP Tag

Rules: Post the last sentence or scene from your WIP and then tag people to do the same. Tagged by @thefandomlesbian​ (thanking you kindly, as ever!) - So I was gonna wait and actually work on some new Jemily stuff I promised I would dip my toe in, but realised if I did that, I probably would end up not responding to this tag for like a year because my writing is so slow rn. So I half-cheated and you can have this Coven/Asylum crossover work in progress scene that has been left to die in my docs for over 2 years now... - The streets were dark as they made their way through the quiet suburbs. There was no way of knowing how late it was, save for the moon above that peeked through the low bank of clouds every so often to light their way past so many doors. 

“Ya sure this is the right street?” Misty asked, hefting Cordelia’s deadening weight against her shoulder. The shorter blonde had come close to losing consciousness twice more since they had left Thredsons’ basement and each time it had taken a little longer for them to coax her back around just enough to drag one foot in front of the other. With their progress slowing, a little ways back on their current street, Misty had given in and lifted the Supreme from her feet, ignoring the few murmured complaints, into her arms. She could feel each pained puff of breath against the skin of her own neck as she now held her close. She tried desperately to ignore the slight dampness that had begun to darken her own shirt, told herself the coolness of the skin she could feel was just the night air and that they would all be out of it soon. Somewhere warm, somewhere safe. Somewhere safer than that place or out, exposed, in the street like this...  

Lana. Cordelia’s one whispered name in her ear, when she had pulled her down to that table; The breathy gasp that had echoed in Misty’s mind since. Lana. Find her, and they might find a safe place. Find her, and they might find some understanding. Find her, and they might find some help. There was another quiet hiss between teeth just below Misty’s ear, and she mumbled several sorrys for jostling the supreme in her ungainly grasp again. As much as she would have, to the furthest ends of the earth if need be, Misty couldn’t carry her forever – the weight of the situation was beginning to burden them both.

“I think so…” Mallory said, gaze flickering between them and the dim porches they passed. Misty gave her own groan, trying not to let the frustration show.

“I’m gonna need better than think-“ 

Mallory’s suddenly pointing finger drew her attention to a dark oak door just a little further off. “There! That’s the one! That has to be it.” 

There were no lights on in the windows and no signs of life beyond what they could see of the front façade, but Mallory seemed more convinced the closer they got.

“Ya sure?” Despite any apprehensions the swamp witch had, she knew full well they had little option – and little time - left but to try. She didn’t wait any longer for an answer. 

The three of them reached the door, Misty making unsteady steps up to the porch with Mallory following close behind. She looked down to the weary witch in her arms who clenched one hand to her stomach still as the other lay all but useless at her side. 

“Hold on…” the swamp witch whispered, feeling the almost imperceptible nod against her chest. “Almost there…But I can’t…” she couldn’t do anything more with the Supreme in her arms and the longer she stood, as much as she didn’t want to let go, she feared she would drop her. “C-can you stand? Just for a few seconds- just while we get help, I promise-you’re gonna be fine, I swear-“ Misty fumbled, her words sounding only a little stronger than she felt before that faint nod came again. If she didn’t know any better she could have said it was just her shifting the Supreme accidentally, but when she looked at those amber eyes again, looked past the glossy sheen of pain, she saw that familiar stubbornness still lingering in the dark depths. With the youngest witch’s help, she propped Cordelia carefully back onto her feet, Mallory instantly hooking the Supremes’ arm around her neck and her own about her waist as the older blonde stumbled. Misty turned to the door, all thoughts of polite care forgotten as she began to bang a hand on the wood. Gentle knocking would do them no good. They needed the help now. Every second they stood on that porch was another second spent waiting for Thredson to follow and Cordelia to suffer. With no answer and no apparent movement from inside, a worried hand became an anxious fist pounding at the door. 

“Miss Winters,” Misty yelped through the door. “Miss Winters, please, we need your help!” her accent came through thick and strong, strung with worry and fear as she looked back to Mallory who seemed to be more weighed down by Cordelia by the minute. The way the Supreme’s arm hung listlessly at her side, the thin ribbons of red that slowly trickled down her shoulder still, made Misty’s heart hammer that much harder in her throat, threatening to choke off the desperate sounds into sobs. She turned back to the door and attacked it again, Mallory fearing if she hit it any harder she would break through like that old horror movie some of the girls had watched once… “Please! It’s about that doctor!” Apparently the swamp witch had thrown all caution to the wind, plucking at the last nerves that could possibly grant them some firing connection. 

“Misty!” Mallory called out again. The swamp witch wondered if she would ever be able to hear her name uttered from the lips of the young girl again without feeling her veins fill with dread at the sound. Cordelia’s knee had folded beneath her and Mallory was left staggering to keep her upright. Torn between another round at the door and rushing to their side, Misty caved and leapt to the pair of them, trying to lift Cordelia’s head and look in her eyes. 

“No, no, come on. Ya can’t do this now,” she whispered, long fingers brushing at the Supreme’s cheeks as her eyes slipped to a close. Just as Misty, stooping before her, was sweeping the hair from her pale face, the three witches her the click of the door as it cracked open just a fraction. Dark eyes, furrowed with consternation and a little confusion, peered out from a dim hallway...

Tagging @whiskey-fluent​ + @serawalkerwrites​

[fiftyshadesof-h]

You are my Remedy 2(Jemily Fanfic)

Masterlist

“Let’s not waste the rest of our lives wondering what could have been”

(Emily’s POV)- That recurring dream was the reason I hadn’t been sleeping the past few nights. I couldn’t even call it a dream, it was a nightmare. A terrible, terrible never ending nightmare.

My worst fear is losing JJ and if I can never tell her how I feel, if I have to keep this constant heart wrenching pain inside, I will. For her. 

I turned my head to the side looking at JJ, whos’ head was currently laying on my shoulder, her arm wrapped around my own. 

She had dozed off a few minutes ago, I didn’t have to look at her to know she’d fallen asleep, whenever JJ fell asleep her left hand would twitch, just slightly, such a small movement you wouldn’t be able to tell unless  you paid close attention, and I did. 

I had my head leaned back on the couch JJ and I were sitting on, the breeze in the planes cabin kept the soft leather of the couch slightly cooled, after trying and failing to take a nap like the size-zero blonde rested on me, I gave up, she looked delicate I don’t think anyone could suspec how much of a badass she could be by just looking at her.  

I turned my head away from JJ, my face relaxing as I looked to the rest of the team scattered around the plane. 

Hotch was in his usual spot at the head of the plane looking back over the files about the case, his brows furrowed, the skin between his brows creased in concentration.

I looked to the right and smiled softly when I saw Derek and Spencer sitting together laughing, I could tell by their hushed whispers that the pair was trying to be quite so JJ could sleep, she had seemed drained the past few days I was trying not to worry about it because every time I was with JJ she seemed to have no trouble falling asleep. My own eyes were  heavy with sleep, but my thoughts of her seemed to be heavier. 

Spencer was fidgeting with his hands, his leg bouncing up and down as Morgan spoke. Spencer turned his head to Derek’s and leaned in, I watched as Derek reacted to Spencer's short whisperings, his mouth flew open as he took in a sharp breath before slapping his hand over his face trying to cover up the loud laugh he was about to let out. 

Derek slapped Spencer jokingly on the arm softly like he was too fragile to hit any harder. Reid rubbed his arm “Owwww '' he said, his voice high and loud, clearly overreacting. 

(JJ’s POV)- My eyes slowly fluttered open to the sound of Reids’ high pitched yell. I looked up at Emily as I slowly lifted my head off her shoulder, the loss of her body heat evident as I immediately went to grab my cardigan that was thrown over the edge of the couch. Rubbing the sides of my arms as I put it on.

Emily's eyes landed on mine, a small smile tugging on her lips, the smile was short lived because she swiftly turned her head back to Reids’, her eyebrows lifting in a threatening manner. She cocked her head to the side, knowing this unnerving demeanor would make Spencer uncomfortable. 

“Uh oh, someones in trouble.” I said rubbing my hand gently against Emily's arm. Her tense body immediately relaxing at my touch. 

“Hey, I- Morgan hit me!” Spencer said, his hand in Dereks direction. His eyebrows were raised high, so was his voice. I could tell he was trying to hold back a laugh. 

Emily folded her lips into her mouth. It was evident she was also trying her best not to smile. “Oh , pftt, come on.” Derek replied, eyes darting between Reid and Emily trying to protect himself from Emily's punishment for waking me up.

When Emily let a smile slip through the cracks of her mask we all erupted into laughter. 

“JJ I’m glad you’re up.” Hotchs’ voice spoke cutting through the babble going on between us. “The plane will be landing shortly. Morgan, I want you to speak to the families of the victims. JJ, Emily,” He said, positioning his body towards the two of us, I unravelled my arm from Emilys’ and sat up straighter. 

“I want both of you to go check out the crime scene, go make sure the local P.D. didn’t miss anything. I will be going to the precinct to set up. Oh and Spencer, you head over to the M.E. I want all of you to meet back at the station in a few hours.” 

“Sir yes, sir.” Emily said, trying to make a joke, Hotchs’ unwavering frown told me and everyone else on the plane enough to back down. 

I looked over to see Morgan coughing in an attempt to try and stifle a laugh. I myself was trying my hardest not to laugh at hotchs’ commitment to a frowny face. Hotch rarely smiled or laughed during work hours, we could sometimes get him to loosen up on team outings. 

-----

As Emily and I walked up to the crowd of officers standing around bodies I noticed one man in particular. As he turned around his soft smile immediately put me at ease. I gave him a smile back, my eyes squinting as I did it. 

I turned to the side to see Emily looking at the man also, just with a very, very different look. Her shoulders were drooped down lower than they had been a few minutes earlier she seemed, sad. 

(Emily’s POV)- My heart dropped when I saw the way JJ looked at that man, the way her eyes lit up when he turned around and gave her a smile. It might’ve just been attraction but it almost hurt. He looked like just got finished smoking behind the building, his eyes just barely open a rosey tint plaguing his stubbled cheeks,  but Jayje seemed to smile right back at him. 

We finally got within speaking range of the man and he spoke, a strong southern accent accompanying his words. “Hi uh- I’m detective LaMontagne Jr.” He reached out for JJs’ hand to shake, they held each other's hands for an extra second before he moved on to mine, I gave him a polite smile trying to hold back the jealousy brewing in the back of my throat.

“I’m Agent Jereau, and this is Agent Prentiss.” She said motioning her hand in my direction, her smile never faltering. His eyes seemed to linger over JJ’s body, he made eye contact with me and seemed to realize what he was doing. He cleared his throat and quickly moved on.

“Yes of course, Right this way.” He said as he ducked his body under the yellow tape that read ‘caution’. Holding it up long enough so JJ and I could squeeze under. Every word that came out of his mouth seemed to blend together because of his harsh accent. 

The woman's body was sprawled across the pavement in a harsh manor, her mangled and bloody body just thrown away like she meant nothing. My brows fell low on my face shaping into a frown, it didn’t matter how many times I'd seen a dead body, it’s not just something you get used to. 

“Her name is Julia Trent, one of the waitresses found her laying out by the dumpsters this morning.” Detective LaMontagne let out a harsh, shaky breath as he looked over the body. “You never get used to it.” He said lifting his head up looking past me and right to JJ. 

She gave him a sympathetic smile as she crouched down to get a closer look at the body. “Looks like Julia had her ring finger severed too. Clean cut.” Her brows furrowed as she turned her head slightly to the side. 

“What are you thinking Jayge?” She turned her head back at me still not moving from her crouched position, “He cut off all of the women's fingers, the wedding finger, identical cut on each woman. That has to be important, what if they had wedding rings?” 

“What’s up detective La-” He scrunched his face up in disgust. I turned my head to the side similarly to a dog hearing a high pitched noise, silently questioning him.

“Please, just call me Will.” I nodded giving him a smile. “Alright Will, your turn, what are you thinking?”

“All of these women were under 23 do you really think they were married so soon?” I nodded in response to his question. “What if it was,” I started “Promise rings.” JJ said, finishing my sentence for me. She stood up with a proud smile on her face. Her hand reached behind her and she pulled out a phone. 

JJ walked a few feet away presumably to call the rest of the team. The click of her heeled boots echoing through the air. 

She threw her free arm to the side letting it fall at her side. She spun on the heel of her boot so she was facing Will and I. “Morgan just got back from speaking to some of the families, and uh- they all wore promise rings. Spence said each of the women had the same clean severed wound on their fingers. The final C.O.D was blood loss as a result of having their throats slit, if you couldn’t tell already.” She motioned towards the bloody body. 

“Alright you girls ready to head back to the precinct?” JJ scoffed at Will's questions, turning her head to the side squinting her eyes. “Girls?” She let out a loud exaggerated laugh. “Oh, that’s not what I meant I ju-” Will tried to defend his previous words. 

I folded my lips into my mouth trying not to laugh, “Relax Detective, she’s just messing with you.”

“Oh.”

-----

(JJ’s POV)-We were packing up our things at the precinct, we finally closed the case this afternoon. A man named Andrew Pickett had been killing women who promised their virginity to God, he was punishing them for having sex before marriage. 

Men always found a way to disgust me after cases like these, it just made me wonder how many men had the same mindset or opinion on how women should act or what they do with their bodies. Made me sick to think about. 

“Hey uh- JJ?” I lifted my head up moving my hair out of my face, I smiled at him. It was The detective, Will. “What’s up?” 

I stepped in front of the table and leaned against my back behind it so I could close the space between us. He was looking at me the way all women want to be looked at by a man. I felt special, but I was used to that look and I met those very eyes i was so used to from outside the glass windows of the room. 

Emily was staring into the room not at me, but at Will with a sorrow filled expression across her face. 

“I was wondering if I could get your contact and maybe if i’m ever in Virginia I could come see you or you could come see me.” He said with a wide smirk on his face. 

I couldn’t help but let out a giggle as I handed him my phone. He put my phone back in my hand, the smile never leaving his face. “So I’ll see you next time Detective.” I lifted myself up to his cheek and gave him a small peck on the side of the side of his face. His light stubble leaving a lingering feeling as I stepped away from him.

I walked out of the room looking over my shoulder to see that Will’s eyes were following me as I walked forward to meet with the rest of the team. 

Emily's eyes immediately landed on mine as I walked up. “What was that about?” She said, pointing her chin in the direction of the room I was just standing in. 

“He uh- just wanted, nothing.” I couldn’t pinpoint the reason I didn’t tell her Will and I had just traded numbers. It felt like telling your boyfriend you kissed another man. But that wasn’t the right analogy. I didn’t have the right analogy. 

Emily’s face went from one of questioning to one of jealousy but with another blink it was gone. “Fine.” I scrunched my eyes in silent question. “I’m not stupid JJ, if you guys traded numbers thats fine.” She turned away from me ready to walk away but I grabbed her by the arm so she wouldn't leave my side. 

She startled at my touch. I hadn’t realized it, but the last time Emily and I were this close, let alone touching was back on the plane. “Em, what’s wrong?” 

She let out a breathy laugh. “Like I said Jayje, I’m fine.”

[dontshootmespence]

Apples and Cinnamon

A/N: An anon request for a fluffy Jemily fall piece! I decided to make this in season 3 before JJ had ever met Will.

                                                               ----

As the wind whipped up outside, swirling the newly fallen leaves in front of her eyes, JJ stomped her feet on the ground. “We were supposed to go pumpkin picking!”

“I know,” Emily replied, laughing as she watched her girlfriend have a pretend temper tantrum. “But it would be way to cold today to drive all the way out there and enjoy ourselves.” JJ continued to stomp her feet as she leaned back into Emily’s embrace. “I promise, we’ll still have a fun day.”

“How?” JJ laughed, feeling Emily’s fingers ghost up her sides and hitting those ticklish spots. “All the fun fall shit is outside.”

Since the week before had given them favorable weather, they’d gone apple picking. “The apples are just a few days from going bad, so why don’t we heat up some apple cider and make an apple pie.” 

JJ craned her neck backward to press a soft kiss to the underside of her girlfriend’s chin. “Okay, that does actually sound like fun. But I’m gonna change back into comfy clothes again. You too?”

“Already done,” she laughed. JJ spun around to see Emily in a very see-through white tank top and black sweats, but she still looked as beautiful as ever. With a peck to the cheek, she ran into their bedroom to get changed and emerged minutes later in black yoga pants and a band t-shirt. 

Emily had already put two mugs of apple cider into the microwave to heat up, so as JJ walked into the kitchen, her hands were warmed by the sweet liquid. As she sipped, the cold drained from her face, replaced by a warm glow that lit up the beauty behind her blue eyes. “Ready to make some apple pie?”

Now that she was warmed from the inside out and had something to put her mind to on a day off, JJ got to making the dough. They were going to do this from scratch, which meant making and flattening the crust, cutting other sheets into strips to lay on top of the sweet apple mixture that Emily was getting started on. 

“While I start cutting the apples, why don’t you get all the other ingredients out.” JJ fanned her fingers over the recipe that Emily had printed out, pulling sugar, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg, and a few other spices from the shelves. Soon enough, the delicious aroma of cinnamon and apples filled the air in the apartment. “Mmm...”

"Right?” JJ laughed. “It smells amazing in here.” 

Picking up the spoon, Emily stood behind the woman she loved and placed her hand over JJ’s, gently stirring the mixture of apples, sugar and cinnamon until each piece was coated perfectly. As the spoon turned over in the mixture, Emily her front against JJ’s back. “You’re warm and cuddly.”

“Only because my girlfriend made me delicious, warm apple cider,” she laughed. 

Once the mixture was poured into the crust, they laid the strips of dough on top and placed it in the oven. “And now we wait,” Emily said solemnly. “Why isn’t there such a thing as insta-cook? I want pie.”

“Patience, my love.”

“Never,” she said.”

“Now who’s pouty?”

Emily snorted and spun around, getting a glimpse of the leaves still picking up off the ground and floating back down like snowflakes. “How about we dance while the pie cooks?”

“You wanna dance in the middle of our living room?” JJ asked, her face getting redder and redder by the second. 

Emily nodded happily; she loved that had the power to bring such a strong woman to such a vulnerable, but happy place. “Exactly.”

JJ took her hand and started to spin around her, dancing almost as delicately as the twirling leaves. “I am a lucky lady,” Emily said.”

“Damn right, you are.”

Laughter turned into contentedness, swaying back and forth while the scent of apple pie permeated every square inch of their living space. They got so lost in each other that they’d barely heard the beeping of the stove telling them that their desert was ready.

When she pulled it from the oven, JJ oohed and aahed like they did on infomercial. The pie was perfectly golden brown and the apples were a perfect consistency. Honestly, she couldn’t wait to eat it. “Do we have to wait until dinner to eat this?” She asked Emily.

Emily bounded into the kitchen and inhaled the scent, waving it in front of her perfectly upturned nose. “Hell, no. I’m too impatient for that.”

“Oh good,” JJ laughed. 

Just 30 minutes later, they poured some milk for themselves and a humongous slice of pie to go along with it. “How about we sit on the couch and look out the window at the leaves while we eat and then we can sit her and lapse into an apple pie coma and fall asleep for a while?”

“That sounds fantastic,” Emily crooned. “It sounds like everything I want really.”

Both women took a forkful of the pie and placed it in their mouths. “Oh my god.”

“Seriously!” JJ exclaimed. “If the BAU doesn’t work out, I say we go into the pie business.” 

While the food settled into their stomachs, the leaves continued to rain down like snowflakes - the ones soon to come if this weather had anything to do with it. Among the smell of apples and cinnamon, their eyes began to close, heavy with sleep on this cold, late-November day. “You know, Em, I think I’m glad it was too cold to go out today.”

“Me too,” Emily said, pulling JJ closer, the little spoon to her big spoon. “Wouldn’t trade this for the world.”

As if to drive the point home, JJ pushed her butt back into Emily.

“Yea, definitely wouldn’t trade this for anything.”

@coveofmemories @jamiemelyn @sexualemobitch @unstoppableangel8 @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @rmmalta @lukeassmanalvez @reddie-for-mileven @marvelfanlife @amarislestrange @obsessed5sosfreak @sonhadoraativa @1enchantedfantasy1 @ace-and-rosey @tarciau @twelveyearoldchildprodigy @offbrandcursewords @entelechysymphony @milkandcookies528 @pugs-cats-bb-8 @davidr0ssi @sarahkay-19 @obsessedwithbadasswomen

[unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix]

Truth and Awakenings Ch. 3

Summary: A Jemily rewrite of certain scenes in 14x15-15x02, with a few additional scenes :)

Chapter summary: JJ finds Everett Lynch and his daughter before getting shot.

(TW: blood, guns)

Read on AO3

About a week had passed and the team gets a call that Everett Lynch was back to break Grace out of jail, and they had to find the father-daughter duo fast before they cause any more damage. Emily had assigned JJ to partner up with her during this case, and they were locating Lynch and his daughter.

The two agents exited the car, slamming the doors closed. “Emily, I don’t think we can wait for backup,” JJ said, pulling out her gun.

Emily nodded and pointed straight ahead before running. “Alright, I’ll take this one. You take the parking garage at Piedmont and 10th.”

JJ had her gun aimed and steady in her hands as she made her way through the parking garage. She came around a corner before she made her presence known to the father and daughter.

“Everett Lynch, FBI! Stop!” She yelled, face stern. “Drop your weapon and place your hands on your head. Now!”

“Ok! Hey! Take it easy,” Everett raised his hands before slowly placing his gun on the ground. “Gee, lady, there’s no reason to gun down a daddy in front of his little girl.”

“All right, kick it over. Kick it over!” she yelled again, not breaking eye contact with the father. He kicked the gun over to her, and Grace was still standing with her bag.

JJ looked at the girl, “All right, Grace, you, too. Come on. Drop your backpack and let me see your hands. Come on! Now!” She did as she was told and slowly dropped the item.

“All right. Don’t move,” JJ warned the two. She carefully angled her body and reached down to grab the gun Everett had kicked over.

Grace pulled a gun that was hidden inside her jacket and aimed it towards the agent. JJ heard three gunshots crack in the parking garage, and fell back down to the ground as blood started to pool from the left side of her stomach. All she heard was faint laughter from Everett and tires screeching, concluding that the father and daughter had driven away.

The blonde was lying down on the ground, coughing up the copper-y taste of liquid out of her mouth. She tried to move but found that she couldn’t, and instead, tried to calmly breathe as best as she could.

“JJ, what’s your location?” she barely heard through her earpiece. ”JJ, do you copy? JJ?” She couldn’t answer. The voice sounded feminine and in a hurry. JJ closed her eyes and silently prayed it was her coming to her rescue. ”Hold on. I’m on my way.”

In less than a minute later, JJ blinked a few times and saw a body moving towards her. It was blurry to see their face. They had lightish hair and were murmuring their worries for the injured agent. It was Emily.

“No, no, no. Come on, JJ,” Emily panicked, putting her gun back in her holster. “You’re ok. You’re gonna be ok,” she said and tried to cover her wound. She yelled into her small mic, “JJ’s down! She’s been hit, we need an ambulance. Now!”

“Emily…” JJ weakly coughed out.

“Shh. Just- just stay with me, ok? Just keep breathing. Eyes on me,” Emily instructed. “Get an ambulance, now, damn it!” she ordered again in an almost shaky voice. Her hands nervously shook. The recurring nightmare she had years ago was starting to come to life: finding JJ lying on the ground surrounded by blood.

JJ nodded in response, fingers reaching out to grab Emily’s other hand. The blonde squeezed her wrist and felt her hand being enveloped by Emily’s.

“Please d- don’t leave me, Emily,” JJ said, struggling to keep her eyes open. She needed to let herself know that Emily wasn’t going to fade away, like she did in her hallucination when she was tortured and at her breaking point. So, she tightly held Emily’s hand close to her stomach to ground herself.

Emily softly shook her head and rubbed a thumb over JJ’s knuckles. “I got you, JJ. I got you.”

When the ambulance came, the unit chief had gone with them. During the ride to the hospital, JJ found Emily’s hand again and ran both of her thumbs over her knuckles, squeezing it for reassurance to both Emily and herself. Emily frowned at JJ, all of a sudden feeling guilty. She didn’t want anyone getting hurt, especially if they were one of her closest friends.

“It’s ok. You’re gonna be ok, JJ.” At this point, Emily didn't know if she was telling JJ or herself that. The younger agent nodded and her eyes became a little heavier.

One of the paramedics looked at the two women, and nodded their head towards Emily. “Are you her wife?”

Emily’s eyes widened at the assumption. “Oh, n- no. She has a husband.”

They chuckled and shook their head, “Could’ve fooled me.”

Emily furrowed her eyebrows at the remark. Did people really think she and JJ were married? Sure, they were close, but… did they ever act or look like a couple? She shook her head at the thought and focused on her friend’s grip on her hand, which had started loosening. That was the moment Emily lifted her free hand to bite on her thumbnail.

--------------------

The hospital back doors opened and the paramedics made their way inside, pushing the gurney JJ was on, while Emily followed closely behind. The blonde heard several voices talking over her.

“Spike a one-liter bag.”

“Airway’s unstable. Check for arterial bleeds.”

“Gunshot wound to the upper torso. Bullet entered under left arm. No exit wound. Pulse is thready, breathing shallow.”

Emily stood back and watched the medical staff hooked JJ to the machines, clipping the pulse oximeter onto her index finger and checking her blood pressure.

“Need her for transfer.”

“Stats are dropping. High flow O2. 15 liters.”

A gradual rapid beeping was heard on the EKG machine, and Emily’s eyes switched back and forth between JJ and the screen. “She’s crashing.”

Emily quietly gasped and her eyes widened in fear. Her hands slightly shook again, and she lifted one of them to her mouth to chew on her thumbnail again, suddenly finding it difficult to file away into the little boxes of her mind. I can’t lose her.

The doctor stepped in and grabbed the defibrillator paddles, rubbing the liquid gel together. “Clear.”

JJ’s body quickly jumped at the shock and the beeping slowed down a little. “I got a heartbeat.” Emily sighed in relief.

The doctor made her way towards the grey-haired woman. “Are you her partner?”

“No. I- I can call him and tell him what’s going on,” Emily stammered. Seriously, what was it with the people in this hospital thinking she and JJ were a couple?

“He better get here quick.”

Emily nodded and pulled her phone out of her pocket, dialling Will’s number.

--------------------

Will opened the hospital door in the front and Emily stood up from her chair. “Will.”

“How did this happen?” Will asked in confusion. “Why wasn’t she wearing a vest?”

“She was. The bullet missed the kevlar and entered just under her arm,” Emily said. She knew how protective he was of JJ. Of course, he’s her husband, so he has to be. Even though Will trusted JJ in her abilities as an agent, Emily knew he didn’t like hearing about JJ getting hurt on the job. Neither did she.

WIll glanced down for a moment. “The doctor told me her heart stopped.”

Emily hesitantly nodded, momentarily closing her eyes to keep that thought away from her. “It did, but they brought her back.”

“I need to see her.”

“She’s already in surgery,” she said. “It’s gonna be a while. Why don’t you sit down?”

Will sighed deeply before sitting down. Emily looked at him with sympathy. He really cared for JJ and she could see that. And JJ loves him, too. She didn’t want to disrupt a perfectly happy marriage for her own selfish reasons.

“Um… Is it ok if I wait with you?” Emily offered.

“Yeah, of course,” Will nodded, making room for her to sit down. “You know, Emily, JJ’s gonna want to see you, too, when she wakes up.”

Emily gave a silent nod to his statement. “She’s strong,” she chuckled. “I know she can make it through this.”

Her eyes landed back to her lap and began picking at her fingernails, one of the signs that showed she was stressed. Emily had called Garcia earlier to inform the team that Lynch and his daughter ran away again before waiting for Will. She desperately wanted to focus her attention back on the case, but JJ getting hurt kept intruding her thoughts.

Will turned his head to see Emily tapping her foot and looking away from him. He knew how worried she was about his ex-wife. The fact that she had been showing almost all signs of stress right now told him that she really loves and cares for JJ.

Will thought back to the two women’s interactions, and how much they’ve worried over each other when the other person was in danger. He remembered seeing the sudden brightness in JJ’s eyes and how her body eases whenever Emily was around. When Will was strapped to a bomb during that one case with bank-robbing, terroristic unsubs, he trusted Emily to take care of JJ and Henry for him, if he died.

At that moment, Will realized how in love both Emily and his ex-wife are with each other. He doesn’t know if JJ had told her already, but whatever happens, he was always going to be supportive of them.

[obsessedwithbadasswomen]

"Taking Care of You" a jemily fanfic

Ok so I wrote a jemily fanfic. I've never written any fan fiction before and I'm not a very good writer in general but I wanted to write how I think the beginning of season 13 should go based on what we know. (Although I don't want it to be true I'm assuming that walker will be dead bc of Aisha's ig story and the fact that we know he won't be in the show.) ok so anyways here is my jemily story. Feel free to hate it feel free to love it I don't really care bc I really wrote it for me. . "I'll be fine Emily" "I know you will be, but let me help until you are. You know Will won't be much help and he'll have Henry to watch too" Emily was pretty much always making some snide remark about Will. At this point JJ was used to it and usually agreed "Considering we aren't living together anymore, he probably won't be." "JJ. Why didn't you tell me?" Emily said placing a gentle hand on JJ. "Wasn't your problem to deal with..." JJ's whole body warmed at the touch from Emily, but couldn't bring herself to look at her. "Ok, well now I'm definitely coming to help you." JJ decided not to argue. She new she could take care of herself but she also knew this was more about Emily than it was about her. Emily was being held down by the burden of the car crash. She blamed herself completely for it and for Stephen Walkers death. Even with Emily's strong compartmentalizations, JJ could tell that she was not ok. The weight of Emily's guilt hit her harder than any truck could. The two women walked out of the hospital to the cab they had called, but hesitated to get in. They had been in the hospital since the crash so the last cars they had been in were the now mangled SUVs and then ambulances. They both shuddered at the thought before Emily opened the door for JJ and they both got in. The ride back to JJ's house was long and quiet. Emily noticed that JJ was somewhat struggling to breath. She knew that it could be from her injuries but as she watched JJ she soon realized she was having and anxiety attack. It was a feeling Emily knew all too well. It was like getting too much air and not enough air at the same time. Emily reached over and grabbed JJ's hand and gave it a squeeze to bring her back down to reality and remind her to breath. JJ snapped her head to Emily at the touch, and then relaxed after realizing what had happened. She gave a half smile to Emily. "This ok?" The cab driver's voice snapped them both back to reality and they realized they had arrived at JJ's house. Emily payed the man and thanked him before getting out. They walked up to JJ's house. JJ in front and Emily behind just incase JJ were to fall. Emily would always be there to catch her. They walked in to the quiet house. Emily assumed the boys were with their father, wherever that was. Emily went to the kitchen and got them both glasses of water. They weren't allowed to drink alcohol until their concussions were cleared. Which was hard, especially for Emily who longed to drown her sorrows. JJ and Emily sat on the couch just slightly touching. Just needing the strength of the feeling of another human, not that either of them had any strength to give. JJ looked at Emily who was clearly in another world. JJ watched as the tears formed in the corner of Emily's eyes but she quickly blinked them away "Em, you know you can't blame yourself" "And why can't I? I'm supposed to be in charge of this team. To keep them safe. Walker had a family. And because of me, they no longer have him. I endangered the entire team because I didn't think far enough ahead." At this point Emily was a sobbing mess. JJ had seen her cry before and it was one of her least favorite sights, but she had never seen her in this state before. JJ shuddered at the heartbreak she felt for her friend but Emily had let her walls down for JJ, something she never did. So JJ had to help her. "We all go out there knowing we may never come back. There is no way you could have known Scratch would be that ahead of the game. You are not responsible for Walker's death or any of our injuries." JJ grabbed Emily's face to make her look her in the eyes, "you have to listen to me, ok?" Emily nodded in understanding with tears rolling down her face. JJ grabbed Emily and held her tight as Emily continued to cry. JJ's touch calmed her and soon enough she had completely relaxed into JJ. Emily looked up and smiled at JJ and laughed a little. "What?" JJ asked "I was supposed to be taking care of you" "You being here is enough for me because..." JJ trailed off realizing what she was about to say. She wasn't sure she was ready or that Emily was ready. Emily just stared at her with hope in her eyes. She thought that maybe JJ was about to say those 3 words. Words that she had longed to hear and longed to say to that beautiful blonde from the day she met her. "Because...?" "Because I love you, Emily, and I understand if you don't feel the same way and I'm sorry if this is awk-" "Jennifer," Emily cut her off, "I love you too" JJ's eyes lit up and her mouth hung slightly ajar before Emily captured her lips with a kiss. "Thank you, Em" "For what" "For taking care of me"